#i just have trouble reading

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

#spilled ink #warm up #can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically #i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason #it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism. #and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out #we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you. #this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism #where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off. #your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell #at the industry - you are probably not listening . #anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit #but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance #> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally #> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field #> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :) #(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice #i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what. #cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men. #so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT. #instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them. #which btw. is like. actual feminism.)

[journey-to-the-attic]

uh oh

#art #obey me #obey me raphael #jtta ik #forcing myself to have a go at shading things. if i never try i will never get better!!!!!!! #mind if i brain dump real quick bc i've been thinking lately about how i refer to myself as a writer but never an artist #whenever i mention it i always say 'i draw stuff' or 'illustrate' instead #it's not like i feel particularly inferior about how i draw bc of course! i haven't gotten around to even touching an art course!! #but to me 'artist' encapsulates a sort of abstract skill and i always feel like i draw much more objectively #it is just The Thing That I Am Depicting and that's prob why i have such trouble with shading and any non-literal colouring #the best thing i've made so far is that one satan thing and i have yet to remember how i managed that #anyway i've been trying some new stuff out!! slowly but surely #that's all mostly stuff i'll keep to myself though #anyway if you actually read through all that Thank you i love you

[dandelion-roots]

post 'all the showers mysteriously broke down so they had to use the public baths together?!' WAN era (i do not know how public baths work)

[id in alt]

#bsd #transzai #trans dazai #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd atsushi #bsd yosano #bsd kunikida #ppl rly blew me away w their response to my original trans dazai drawing- i expected like five ppl to see it- so im BACK #w another digitized* doodle #* scanned inked and fixed digitally #it makes me so happy to know this fandom is full of trans ppl- at least on the trans website #transing my blorbos makes me happy and i have fun doing it for my own transsexual health #but it always makes me extra happy that other ppl enjoy it too #such is art #if anyone has trouble reading the light blue background text in the last image its in alt text! #just click on the like alt button in top left corner

[sysig]

Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)

Bonus:

He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #FJdlsafjdsf Handplates fuzzes my brain #I cannot tell you how weird it feels to draw Gaster with the Lost Soul head after all this time away haha #It drops me back into the person I was when I first read Handplates - for better or for worse. It's a very strange feeling #Even drawing Sans and Papyrus again sends me back! Not as strongly but certain little details stand out #Sans' eyes especially... Very strange feeling #Anyhow! Since Fellplates sent me back down the rabbit hole and I've gotten back into rereading lightly - still not a full commitment! #Maybe soon tho 👀 I feel like I always say that haha #But in the meantime thinking of the pre-Plates Handplates time period <3 Since that's the one I'm still most familiar with haha #I love when they're still growing and learning ♪ Scaffolded baby talk! Twin language! Love 'em ♥ #And fearless* mischievous little troublemakers hehe #They're so cute <3 I love the little ways they interact as young'uns - like when Papyrus will just lift Sans by his arms lol #I'd been thinking about and then had to go read the one of Sans as a the blanket/coat tickle monster and then - this ✨ #''Excuse me sir I'd like One Ticket to the R Rated movie I am an adult Monster'' lol #Probably another one of those moments where Gaster is just *nervously sweats in Dad* lol - stop being so cute! #Also there's no particular meaning to when I use WingDings for his text :P Just convenience and if I remember to lol #Comics where he talks a lot are not convenient XP I have enough trouble editing on this paper ugh I will Not miss it when it's done #Even attempted this comic in as few pencil strokes/erasing as possible and it was still a pain to work with! >:0 Rude #Doubly so that I've had a Handplates comic idea for past like - year lol - and /this/ was the first one I finished pfftbl #To be fair to the other I do want to at least attempt making it a look-alike hehe ♪ You know how it is with Ideas™ #I can't be too mad about it haha ♫ It did turn out quite cute after all :3

[wasabi-gumdrop]

dunmeshi modern labru au where Kabru wants to try fromsoft games to understand why they’re so popular.

he gives elden ring a shot and surprise he gets fucking rolled. can’t get past tree sentinel, tries to fight Margit at level 15, put all his stats in intelligence and not enough dex, hasn’t even found a proper staff, picked warrior as his starting class.

he’s ready to uninstall but he paid full price for this game, he’s at least gonna defeat one boss goddammit. so he tries summoning players for aid and just his luck, he summons cooperator WolfChimeraWyvern.

and this cooperator is SO GOOD, he solos Margit without getting hit, and Kabru is just. in awe. so he adds him as a friend.

and that’s how he meets Laios, expert on all things fromsoft (has literally read every item description, knows the most obscure lore by heart, don’t ask him how many hours he’s played, he has all the platinums)

#drops to my knees from cringe #i’m … so Laois in this au #i have the elden ring and bloodborne platinum ): #the only reason i don’t have the platinum for the other games is that i am an adult with a job and i simply do not have time #but consider that Kabru would be too busy at the club #he’d be so bad at these games #he wouldn’t like that he’s bad at something tho so he’d try and try and keep failing lol #and Laios fromsoft boss expert has absolutely no trouble reading the gameplay #he helps other players by soloing Malenia for fun #welcome to my insane mind palace #wasabi rambles #labru #laios touden #kabru of utaya #the funny thing about all of this is that i told a friend a few months ago ‘idk i’m just not that into fantasy’ #🤡 #one thing about me #i will lie about gameplay hours 😭 #elden ring #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #omg … Laios you would love Blaidd’s armour set

[uncanny-tranny]

I jokingly thought before that reading Junie B. Jones as a kid turned me into a feminist, but unironically, it kind of did.

I honestly think it comes down to the fact that Junie B. was not only allowed to be "weird," but her character arc never concluded like other girl characters would. In other media featuring "weird girls," the girl always ended her arc tamed - by force or convince, she would be prettied up, she would smile and be polite, and she would never speak out of turn. She would be perfect then, and would shed her veneer of individuality with the freedom that is conformity. As a kid, I noticed that girls weren't permitted to be "weird" like boys were. So when I read Junie B. Jones, I loved that she was frankly just fucking weird. She said things out of turn, she was rambunctious and imaginative and she was a realistic portrayal of a little girl. I loved reading those books because the narrative taught her lessons without punishing her for being weird, if that makes sense. So often, narratives punished weird girls for the crime of being a socially unacceptable girl, not for any true wrongdoing like lying.

Anyway, I just think it's interesting, because I watched and read a ton of books and shows and movies featuring girls and women, but none of them truly empathized with (or even tried to empathize with) weird girls on their own merits and capabilities and terms, or embraced the idea of a "socially inept/unacceptable" girl without punishing her in some way for her supposed ineptitude.

#feminism #and like junie b. got in trouble A LOT but she wasn't punished FOR being weird (honestly i thought she was adhd as a kid) #i haven't read the books in WELL over a decade but this is what i truly remember liking about the books #and i felt as a kid it said something that she was a seeming rarity among the sea of other portrayals of girls #am i looking too deep into this? honestly i don't care #and it makes me wonder if all the pushback those books got was partially because junie b. wasn't an 'acceptable' girl #like she's no more 'out there' than the portrayals of little boys that are out there and there were lessons and things from what i remember #i'm not saying you HAVE to like the books by the way but i think sometimes other people can get really angry about GIRLS acting like kids #i was ranting about these books to my dad because he didn't like them but he did still let me read them so thanks dad 🫡🫡 #i just remember them being a huge part of my personal library because of how realistic and relatable junie b. was #like i acted really similarly to her when i was a kid and i felt like i was being understood (which is why i hc she's adhd/audhd/autistic)

[butchshevik]

no but really the focus on pronouns Determining Actual Gender And Having Unique Social Roles in lgbt spaces is absolutely bizarre and beyond any form of basic material analysis of gender it exists in the real world. like speaking from experience you can literally be a stone butch lesbian who goes out of ur way to exclusively dress in traditionally masculine clothes, who uses a masculine name, who intentionally and explicitly plays a complex and deeply nonconforming gender role as both social performance art and for personal fulfilment, and then get lumped in by other lgbt people in the category of "she/her type" (and, more broadly, if you use she/her and are afab, you inevitably get labeled as 'cis' regardless of your actual gender performance as interpreted by the world writ large) just because you dont care enough about pronouns to determine and enforce the use of any others for yourself

#i think ultimately from a Sincere Gender Studies Position the fixation on pronoun use is a reflection of the performative nature of gender #being taken to its natural extreme by people who read half of gender troubles and both understand that Gender is a Role We Play For Others #and paradoxically wanting to be recognized and respected in that role even though they understand that its a losing game #and further i think that ultimately linguistically pronouns are a hot cultural point in english speaking countries #but the shitty nitty gritty of gender and its identifiers being a construct of colonial import #is that if we lived in a planned culture where such a thing could be mandated we should move to a one-pronoun system without the capacity #for assigned gender roles #not have multiple (countless) pronoun configurations with an Assigned Gender Role for each one #but thats just my two cents

[jaymzsguitar]

this clip is so real cuz like if I were Jason, I would also be staring at James like this, and I’d also giggle when he looks at me

#we are all Jason in this #also they’re very cute #I have many clips of these two #Jameson my beloved #they were just two silly guys #who had troubles at times #but they made it work #oh also I think I read a quote from #Kirk or their manager that was like #uhh “yea jason was attatched to James by hip #I wasn’t okay after reading that #metallica #james hetfield #jason newsted #metal

[n4rval]

the way his words are so carefully curated, not only for the sake of precision, but so it fits a rhythm that is breathable for a slow speaker.

to say exactly what he means in a short sentence, with recurring pauses and a clear pronounciation. to prefer periods(.) over commas(,).

not to be needlessly verbose – much the opposite; because this vocabulary serves the purpose of clarity, organization and to hold the attention of the listener.

#talking to the wall #wd gaster #gaster #undertale #deltarune #and also because he's toothless so it takes an extra effort to make words sound correctly ahahaha (a headcanon) #another day of speech patterns being very important to me in terms of characterization #otherwise i will have trouble imagining it is this character saying a line #if we had canon wingdings read some fanfiction lines of his out loud we would sleep on the spot #and that is why these mannerisms are so important when fleshing him out! #there is just not enough fanfiction giving it enough attention to portray this OTL #to speak little yet say a lot #i like to imagine he is a very visual thinker and it adds to the thoughtfulness of his words #also re: wingdings as a visual code. #man who speaks in hands and whatnot #wistful sighing. damn papyrus you had it good when he would read you bedtime stories #this guy writes in hieroglyphs

[humanmorph]

Janine (as Thisbe): I will miss their cereals. Ali (as Brnine): Oh, yeah. [taken aback] Thisbe, you eat cereal? Janine (as Thisbe): No, the boxes. I liked to look at the boxes. Ali (as Brnine): [quietly] Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Janine (as Thisbe): I enjoy the mazes on the back.  Dre: Aw. Janine (as Thisbe): Phrygian made the best cereal box mazes. (PALISADE 29: Honesty and Integrity Pt. 2)

scene i liked :' )

(transcript courtesy of robotchangeling)

#phrygian #yeah. #thisbe #not tagging brnine properly thats just their silhouette #palisade #palisade spoilers #friends at the table #fatt #i was sooo happy when i remembered thisbe wears a cloak/cape. i have so much trouble w her design #i need my robots greebled..... so sorry thisbe i love you : ( #rosa art #if you solve the maze & send me a picture ill sketch you something. #i mean.no promises but i am sick + bored #and its honestly not a difficult one. i was playing around on mazegenerator.net for a bit but any bigger mazes didnt really fit/read well.

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Re-reading jttw after so many years is wild because my reading comprehension has improved so much. I didn't realize how many gods just straight up lied to the jade emperor and others about swk like bro those peach maiden gals fr said he beat the crap outta them when the mans never laid a hand on them-

#knox rambles #ITS SO WILD #reading at a snails pace cause im reading it out loud to my brothers and finding a time where we're all free to do that is a challange #journey to the west #these gals and the dragon kings and lots of people who have fought him just demonize the crap outta this dude its WILD #unless ofc he did beat the crap outta them and its just not mentioned at all there #lemme know if im out to lunch on this #its so funny too cause they dont need to exaggerate for him to get into trouble but they do anyways #almost like they dont want anyone knowing they caved right away when the monkey just brandished his cudgal as a threat #instead of staying proud and tall and all immortal #it might just be the storytelling and im misunderstanding something #its interesting how these celestial heavenly immortal beings are written to straight up lie through their teeth to jade empoerer #man i love.this book

[shepscapades]

Oh shit! Etho oh no!!! What happened? Are they gonna be okay? Is BDubs gonna freak out I’m just. AaaaAAAAAAA

Emotional whiplash with bdubs is my favorite game to play :]

Part 1

Part 2 (You Are Here!)

Part 3

Part 4

#hermitcraft dbh au #dbhc #hermitcraft #etho #bdubs #ethoslab #bdoubleo fanart #bdubs fanart #etho fanart #art escapades #I have bunch of stuff that was supposed to be doodles lined up to kinda tell what happens but it just. turned into another comic. SO- #FBJSRTGOSRTHJ I’ll be posting it in bits and pieces! #from anime horror scene to screaming skrunkly… oh bdubs how I love u so #he’s saying “”’’OH MY GOSH! I’M GONNA BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!’’ just in case u can’t read my Panic Font FBJSFGBKSFG #dbhc bdubs #dbhc etho #dbhc art

[ryssbelle]

Another Sky line up!! This one is for those skys who couldnt fit on the page in the last one! they were having a pumpkin soup party!!

this one is also compiled of Linktober Inktober prompts but is a lot more vague than the last since the prompts are in the atmosphere and not the characters!!

Thanks to @minas-linkverse @hazethestrange and @bowl-of-ravioli for creating and letting me draw your amazing little guys!!

close ups will be under the cut!! again

Like what I do? Consider supporting me on Kofi! Or Consider getting a commission!

Feathers Minaslinkverse

Matdas Hazey Horizons

Cloud Lots of Ravios

#my art #linktober #inktober #minaslinkverse #linkverse #hazey horizons #skyward sword #love these guys to bits #honestly minas was the easiest for me to replicate but i think thats cuz the way they do lineart is similar to how i did it in the past #its like similar strokes #louies was easy for me too cuz ive done his art before i just had trouble with the shading cuz i didnt have a ref my own fault #hazes was a bit difficult cuz they have a very specific pen i dont have plus they have a more illustrative style while mine is more bold #and comic like #i love their art and their style and i wanted to make sure it was right so i waited till they woke up and had them help me fix it #and we did #together #love you haze #of course it wont be perfect perfect but we both loved it in the end and i got to spend time with my friend <3 #i also held Nemo hostage #if you're reading this >:] #anyway hope you enjoy!

[nemo-me-impune]

Jeeves and Wooster fic where Bertie's friend gets hold of cocaine for them to try and Bertie suddenly manages to calm down and focus for more than five seconds for the first time in his life, and Jeeves has to prevent Bertie from developing an addiction

#j&w #jeeves and wooster #I guess this is my new interest? #I've just been reading fics #and poor Bertie is always insulting himself for his lack of intelligence #like no sweetie you're not unintelligent you're just so ADHD you're incapable of even finishing a thought #than goodness you have your obsessive autistic valet to keep you right and out of trouble

[aceredshirt13]

having read nearly all of the Jeeves short stories, it’s so funny to me that Bertie’s bisexuality manifests as casting a wide but shallow net at girls and a narrow but ridiculously deep net at men. He thinks girls are pretty on a reasonably frequent basis, and has tried to marry at least four women thus far (not counting the unwanted engagements), but when it doesn’t work out he’s over it in 24 hours. Meanwhile he shows absolutely no interest in and never gives flattering depictions of 99% of the men in his life, but will praise Jeeves to anyone who will listen, wax poetic about his appearance (and get defensive on his behalf about it when a child insults it), and is absolutely inconsolable when they are separated.

(also Bertie is in no way allosexual. he is canonically terrified at the thought of reproducing. and due to the narrow but deep net on the other end I don’t imagine he’s going around sleeping with loads of men, either. that man’s either demi as hell or just entirely ace)

#red randomness #jeeves and wooster #bertie wooster #reginald jeeves #wooves #jooster #100 and up neat #finally determined my take on Bertie orientation and had to get the thoughts out #granted I have only read the first three short story collections + Extricating Young Gussie (re: none of the novels or last two stories) #so I can’t speak for the few stories following that or any of the novels #but this is my StanceTM #curious to see what that pastiche Jeeves and the Wedding Bells is like and whether or not it matches this #because if it’s focused on a Bertie het romance then I have trouble seeing it #he truly doesn’t seem invested enough in women for it to carry a whole book??? #they’re more like crushes or cheery whims #while Jeeves is so close to his heart that he can’t bear to be without him. a source of comfort as a person beyond just what the man does #side note there are two pastiches I’ve heard about that put Bertie with Bobbie Wickham and that sounds untenable lmao #Bertie would be at his wit’s end #also I heard she gets a guy later anyway?? and at this point Bertie’s already fallen out of love with her besides??? #truly the greatest sin of those two pastiches is separating him from Jeeves though. good fucking luck #it also sounds like the show is kinda different?? but I’ve never seen it #anyway I’m rambling without all the information so maybe this is total nonsense but hey!

[purpleshadow-star]

Pic context: Talking about the exy stadium at USC considering the fact that USC is a real school

I love how Nora just invents things in order to avoid complications with real-life things.

Like, using USC's football stadium as the exy stadium too would take a lot of work to figure out how that would be possible. Solution: invent a new stadium!

Having the characters play a real sport that already exists would mean looking into all the rules and regulations and history, etc, and there could be multiple elements of the sport that work against the plot of the story or complicate it in some way. Solution: invent a new sport!

I mean, it gives her full creative control over what happens in the story, and we as readers get to learn about a cool new thing without feeling the need to fact-check every element. Tbh, it makes so much sense to me.

Like, go off! Make stuff up! It's your world. We're just reading and enjoying and becoming obsessed with it!!!

#also the fact that palmetto state university is made up #it's based on an actual college but it doesnt actually exist lol #and again i think that makes sense #it allows us to become immersed in this fiction story even though it takes place in our world #i think having these elements unique to that world also makes it easier to go along with the plot #like imagine if neil was being hunted by his serial killer father and the yakuza while attending the university of south carolina #and playing hokey or lacrosse or smth #the made up stuff helps woth the immersion imo #anyway i just wanted to point out how funny it was that her solution is to make stuff up #like makes sense 100% work smarter not harder #tbh if the series wasnt centered around a fake sport i prob wouldnt have read it 💀 #like im just being real here #so thank you nora for going through the trouble of creating a whole new sport #bc im sure that was the final thing that convinced many people to read it (i.e. me) #anyway rant over #aftg #all for the game #nora sakavic #the sunshine court #tsc #the foxhole court #the raven king #the kings men #exy