#i just know im fucked up in the head

[zozoubbb]

idk just maybe im not a shithead toxic person and i should not suffer and hurt myself because of that thought. maybe my mind is just fucked up

#tw #vent? kinda #shitpost too #tw self destructive #vent post #mentally unstable #mental illness' #coping #trying to actually convince myself of this is so hard #and to top it off i dont know what the fuck i have #i have anxiety but im pretty sure that isnt *just *It #i just know im fucked up in the head

[chitinleg]

got him off-balance!

#my art #ds9 #star trek deep space nine #julian bashir #elim garak #garashir #watercolor #image desc in alt text #i normally post on mondays but. today im breaking my pattern! getting a little silly. getting a little wild. garashir jumpscare #“tumblr user chitinleg garak would neot easily let himself be swooped off his feet into a hug like that” yes i know BUT! #look at his expression. look at how his arms r pinned. he didnt let this happen LMAO julian just surprised him. grabby huggy human behavior #if you look really closely you can see the tiniest frown in the world on Garak's face. because he's like “EEP !” #cant see bashirs face at all in this only his body but i think we can all imagine that whatevers going thru his head. he needs this hug bad #ALSO. for anyone wondering what the fucked up shadow is that starts at the juncture of the teal sleeve-cap where its set into the armhole #the jumpsuits have a bit of a fold of extra fabric (called an Action Pleat) there which allows for a little more maneuverability of the bod #AND creates a really sleek and flat back panel #because you can see the fabric twists along the side arent grabbing the flat back fabric theyre grabbing the fabric folded beneath it #often times i think about drawing out a dissection of kiras first uniform and this voy era one for other artists to use. bc god knows #i struggled at first to find full body references #they like to shoot ds9 very close to peoples heads. and the camera is so blurry. they smeared butter on that thing. god bless

[do-rey-me]

if murderbot learned what autism was i truly believe itd go "wow humans are so ridiculous they cant even agree on their own stupid human social rules" and then never think about that or its possible relation to its own behaviors ever again

#mensah: secunit here are some accessibility drones so u can interact with the world more comfortably #mb: its super impressive how she can make up reasons to get around the 'no drones allowed rules' just so she can bribe me #ratthi has his head in his hands. like deities send me strength i cannot fucking deal with this #tmbd #mbd #murderbot diaries #i dunno the tags man. i also do not know if its even funny anymore #im so tired #lost track of my life and didnt realize i ran out of sleep meds haha. fuuck #tomorrows gonna fucking suck balls #my posts

[bamsara]

being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now

#wish i could tell younger me that i wasnt fucked up i was just autistic #even if youre not nd i still think having things you enjoy around you is important especially for your space #so i make a notable effort to get fandom stuff for my younger siblings now #like my lil sister thinks getting demon slayer stuff is cringe cause anime and what not (havent read it sorry) #but her face still lights up when i get her a pin for her #or a blind bag with a character keychain #and very slowly the self hatred and whatever it feels like that youre not allowed to like anything and that anything you like is bad #starts to diminish #my qpp is obsessed with birds and chickens and has so many trinkets around the house for it #or my friend who loves how pretty stained glass looks that his walls are covered in thrifted stain glass pieces #i know an elderly couple who are obsessed with star trek and they have a room in the house purely for shelves stacked with collectables #my friend's dad is so obsessed with spiderman that he has 3 walls full of figurines and posters and collectables that prob amoutn to tons #like i dont get it but i get it #maybe its because im sick rn but im in my head tonight about human loving things and stories and cocepts to the point of comfort #sara shush #ramble

[spacedlexi]

"sounds nice... having a partner"

#the walking dead game #twdg #violentine #clementine twdg #violet twdg #MAANN when clem says this in s3 JUST WAIT BBY #people who say clemvi has no basis like ep2 isnt just them working as a team for 2 and a half hours regardless of player choice #like be fr #clem telling louis that violet patching up the back wall is ok because she needed something to keep herself busy. married behavior #vi asking clem to help check in on everyone while she deals with the wall. their shared smile when she comes back outside :) #and then they sit in the leadership spot together overlooking the yard and everything theyve planned together coming to fruition :) #sorry i just think their romance set up in eps 1 and 2 is obvious as FUCK and im tired of (Some) people pretending it isnt #'i havent seen her warm up to someone in a long time' brody literally tells clem that vi seems to like her after its been 24 hours #after shes been a block of ice for a whole year. and clem just melted those walls down immediately while they fought walkers together #violet is so devoted to clem post ep1 its embarrassing for her #'i saw she had you pinned and i- shit i got So crazy...' sorry if you dont think shes in love with clem idk what to tell you #'i'll tear that boat apart before we leave without you' i know you would girlie!!! #the animators went CRAAZAYAYAYAY the way they look at each other... their little smiles at each other....even before the belltower #the way clem looks at her while they dance.... the way she puts her head down on her shoulder so contentedly.... #and then she keeps her head on violets shoulder as she pulls away so clems chin gets dragged with it like she doesnt want to let go #'so you never forget that night' 'i never will' they are DISGUSTINGLY in love with each other it makes me physically ill #its 2024 and im still hearing 'i just didnt see it :/'. lazerbeams you #spaced art 2024

[mblue-art]

hhappy pocky day 11/11!! here's some self-indulgence ft oreo man///

#mblue art #self insert #cross!sans #forgive the cursing but oh my god im so fucking gay for cross what is this doki doki bullshit (it is 3am) #'just a quick doodle' i said; hrs earlier #'hey lets try to color it more actually' - 'oh no its cute' #anyway bless references 🙏 glad they exist #also unFAIR a pocky game AND a kabedon??? WOW this is what i get for giving him 2 boxes of choco and cookies and cream pocky??? smfh #its like he cranked up his rizz meter and went all in #ok im shutting up before the brain filter yeets outta my head #guys forgive my 3am sleep deprived brain it's running on simp fuel istg #@ that friend who encouraged me to draw the idea you know who u are (index pointing emoji) #pocky #CM

[rudeboimonster]

~help your local rat get stable housing~

edit post nov 2023: I GOT THE HELP I NEEDED THANK YOU SOSOOSO MUCH

dramatically sprawled out on the floor

so i gotta move for the third time in that many years. unfortunately between health problems and the General State of The Economy, I have been unable to find work to be able to save any money. i have no choice but to leave the entire state. i thankfully have somewhere to go, however I need help getting there. i've been trying to do the math to get what I need to its lowest amount possible, but even that is still at least $2.5k.

after this move, i should be able to get things more stable and I might even have a couple job prospects lined up in that area, but right now I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel funds wise and desperately need help.

if you're able to spare anything, i've set up a goal through kofi so i can track it publicly. i have trouble asking for help but i really need what help i can get. thank you, so so so much.

#mutual aid #fundraiser #help #god i dont know what to tag this im just kinda ripping off the bandage bc ive been anxious about posting about this since i got asked to #leave. head in hands. please help by spreading the word if you cant spare any cash i completely understand. #i dont know what i can offer. my ability to do art has been really really low and with my sleeping/living arrangements my wrists shoulders #back have been in fucking wretches states so its hard for me to do much #if youre wonder about the other fundraiser i did a few years ago #the person i replaced in a renting situation ended up fucking me over and got basically evicted into the 2nd week of college and i had 3 da #to leave that situation or more people wouldve gotten fucked over. and ive been basically couch surfing since trying to find work #anyways i havent slept in a bed for more than a weekend since october 2021 my back is turbo fucked please help

[b4kuch1n]

pre-marination doobles. dont ask me questions

#pikmin 4 #captain olimar #captain shepherd #moss (pikmin) #oatchi #I Dont Know what player character Im drawing lmao. probably not pom. maybe pom? #I just think itd be funny to have that guy in the rescue corps who literally nobody knows anything about. oh that? yeah the rookie #just picked em up last training session. they do anything we like em #but due to not having an actual head drawn inside it Ive been drawing their helmet slightly too small fskjdfhjd #but I think I should lean into it. our new guy's a little bit fucked up but we love them. no you cant have them #also akira slide for fun. olimar deserves it #Im sorry that u dont have time power that turns u into an absolute dandori beast old man. u can have this. I give u this #okay. now I go marinate meat. and then sleep #have a good night lads. dog can have a stick if they want to

[suntails]

lead us not

#this comp is directly based on 'lead us not into temptation' by mucha. go look it up the piece looks so GOOD #just #head in hands. this is prob my last piece before the next lore drop so do w that what u will #just give iiiiin silver just follow malleus and trust in the dream worlds hes making!!! duh!!!1!1!!!1 DUH. (lying) (lying) (lying) #he knows BEST let him lead u towards a happy end for the next 1000 years of happy dream worlds. sobibng. #yea so the composition fucked so hard i literally HAD to draw something. im genuinely begging just go look it up. u gotta see my vision #twst #twisted wonderland #twst spoilers #book 7 spoilers #malleus draconia #twst silver #silver vanrouge #peep the other chars distorted af in the bg u cant see them well but i swear they were distinct originally #suntails #tumblr gets it first again. congrats u guys r my favs dont tell twitter

[aq2003]

martha jones is kind of like if horatio and ophelia were one person tbh

this post by darkcomedies

s03e08 human nature // hamlet (2009), act 3 scene 2 // hamlet to horatio, act 3 scene 2 // martha about ten, s03e09 the family of blood // s03e03 gridlock // hamlet (2009), act 5 scene 1 // canary in a coal mine by the crane wives

s03e02 the shakespeare code // hamlet (2009), act 3 scene 1 // ophelia about hamlet, act 2 scene 1 // s03e07 42 // hamlet (2009), act 3 scene 2 // s03e05 evolution of the daleks // hoping on another life by madds buckley

hamlet's letter to ophelia, act 2 scene 2 // s03e13 last of the time lords // hamlet (2009), act 5 scene 2 // the shooting script for s03e07 42 // the tags on darkcomedies' post

#martha jones #tenth doctor #10th doctor #doctor who #hamlet #david tennant #<- because this IS his fault . at least a little bit #dr who #10 era #ten and martha #my edits #i do NOT know how to title my webweaving posts sorry and also my sources look like a nightmare #this post is just extremely fucking incomprehensible . sorry. my bad #so proud of the parallel i drew between the scene at the end of gridlock and alas poor yorick i'm so smart <- deranged #also despite the fact martha clocks closer to horatio in my head and it's way easier drawing parallels between those two #so proud of the parallel between hamlet's love letter and last of the timelords my brain is huge <- DERANGED #no this isnt a ship post bc im not built like that but i do realize i've set myself up for failure completely with this one #DONT LET ME COOK [BANGS POTS AND PANS] DONT LET ME COOK

[inkskinned]

one of the oddest arguments i've ever gotten into was like. i had agreed to give a dude a chance. we were on a first date. and he got. just. so mad. because i had told him i read about 2-5 books a week.

but he found out it was actually that i listen to 2-5 audiobooks. he was dead set on the idea - that's not reading, it's just listening. that i was lying, somehow, by implying i'd "read" the book.

language has a beautiful ability to adapt over time, particularly in the face of technology. when i "connect to the internet" i'm referencing the oldschool method of literally plugging into the internet - which i very rarely physically do. i roll down my window, which is a reference to the circular mechanical action it used to take. hell - the floppy disc remains our resolute save file icon. when i say i "ran to the store," nobody expects me to actually run - and what my version of running to the store looks like and your version are probably pretty different.

i told the guy, baffled: i look at things through glasses, that's still seeing. nobody complains i'm filtering the image.

he says: that's not the same and you know it.

i use audiobooks because i have adhd, and it makes it so i can actually focus. i am using it to help a medically diagnosed condition.

language also has a really cool ability: when we read something, our brains look at a word and make an image. when we hear a story, our brains hear a word and make an image. whether we hear it or read it - the word means the same thing, written or spoken. there is no quantifiable difference in the knowledge-encoding experience - i still happily hallucinate while i'm listening.

and i just kind of stared at him while he was telling me that "claiming" i had "actually read" a book that i had actually-listened-to was lying

and my only baffled response was like: "... are you gatekeeping the experience of... reading?"

#1. do you think someone who listens to 2-5 books a week DOESNT read with her eyes? #2. i was fucking BLIND for TWO MONTHS #so YEAH maybe im SENSITIVE #3. shut the FUCK up i am not DESTROYING SOCIETY by being like ''hahaha this experience is basically the same for me'' #i am still fucking engaging with the literature dude #4. i consider it reading. die mad about it #5. this is just a personal note but they are LITERALLY equivalent to me #bc i mean i guess 7k posts in i should probably finally admit #i have a lowkey form of synesthesia #to be fair i didn't know until like this year when my therapist was like #''... you WHAT'' #but like when im talking i see words and when im writing i legit hear them #like HEAR THEM #i just thought everyone had that #thats called thinking #but it turns out the fact that i sometimes mishear a word and write down what i misheard #means maybe i am fuckt a little in my head #anyway obvi when i read i hear the word too #i cAN sometimes see other people's words but it's usually just my own #and i was like #(again) #thats just like how . people talk #but it turns out if u sometimes misread what you're supposed to be saying #something might be . uhhhhhhhh #not normal #fun fact. #it turns out (i havent googled but she said) #that it's not UNUSUAL for neurodiverse people to have like #SOME lowkey form of synesthesia #but we only associate it with REALLY severe cases so we just assume like .... couldn't be me

[coolnonsenseworld]

I mentioned publishing a piece per one sold KICK Friday PDF, so here is one!

This is not available in either PDFs (nor was it a part of things posted in 2023, though I think I shared it on Lens at least). I will try to keep posting sketches that aren't part of PDFs for some time, but if you've read it or remember any private Patreon posts - if I were to pick a piece from the inside, which one would you like to see published?

Sidenote: If you want to know more about KICK Friday PDFs check out 52 weeks of KICK digital products on PayHip - the PDFs description have a full introduction to them as well as AU blurbs. I will publish them on socials in a month or so, after I am done with publishing each Calendar piece!

#klance #laith #mckogane #koclain #i had this word that pops up in my head #u know? just randomly like one of these words you almost forget they exist and then brain offers it to you for 2 days straig in rand moment #and you just have to #żupan #okay #ŻU-P AN AIGHT #please go the fuck away now word #HOPE YALL LIKE THIS DOSE OF KLANCE #please tell me which year im posting this my klance calendar is in another room #Have a cutie day ♡ ♥💕❤

[dhmis-autism]

Hey hello!

Here are some colored doodles of the fun little DHMIS bodyswap idea thought up by the very fun, very smart @escargon! I did them way back when and wanted to finish them up to add to the fun lol.

It was sooo much fun to draw and I hope I made it clear whos who by the body language/dialogue but if not! I put a helpful little diagram in there. Also,as well, I think if Duck had access to a relatively-normal sized body like Reds’ that duckman is dressing up and NO ONE can stop him. So that’s the last two.

#DHMIS #don't hug me i'm scared #dhmis duck #dhmis red guy #dhmis yellow guy #I have SOOO MUCH TO SAY ABT THESE BC THIS CONCEPT IS SO FUCKING FUNNY TO MY ANY WAY YOU SLICE IT #so im just putting it here bc. i said everything nessecary I think. #anyways i think yellow in reds body would just be crouching down the whole time. not used to the height and is a lil scared of standing up #also think he would mouthbreathe so hard he'd get the whole front of yarn wet itd be disgusting shkdsh #i think either ONE of them in yellows body is like 'OW WHY DO I SUDDENLY HAVE A MIGRAINE' #and I absolutely think Duck in Reds body would be a literal actual monster #He would let the new height go to his head SOOO FAST its not even funny like. just absolute menacery #and obligatory getting to wear normal clothes of course. again. mad with power imo. #also i DID draw but didnt finish the idea that Red would hate both of the other twos clothes. like just be so viscerally uncomfortable #i drew a lot of stuff that didnt make it here but yknow what thats just stuff only my good friend Bear shall know i suppose............ #my dhmis postings #me art

[skitskatdacat63]

This photo was life-ruining for me(and @sweatyflytrap ) honestly....

#wanna make a comp of bahrain 2010 for both seb and nando tbh #probably seperate but #there was something in the air that weekend!!!! #i was religiously looking through seb pics from this race the other month to draw statue seb #and was super enamored w him aasjkfkgl but didnt look too much depeer cause i didnt wanna spoil the podium #and then i finally got here and damn nando looked fucking majestic on the podium #like i was absolutely dying making those gifs bcs he just looked so beautiful #<- i actually made a comp of all the close up shots bcs bark bark bark 😵‍💫😵‍💫 #AND THEN I GO LOOK UP THE PICS AND MY GOD 🫠🫠 LIFE RUINING #this pic is from before race day obviously but like smth was in the air no????? #all the podium pics live in my head rent free. golden and shining and beautiful #but i also downloaded like...100 pics of him from this race so jusy this one seemed pretty baseline to post #but just know. bahrain 2010. haunts me. #as i said im so irritated it wasnt a vett/onso podium bcs my god both of them were slaying that wknd #well yeha. there's my rant. maybe ill make a comp :) #smth also that i find funny is that he was pretty stubbly for the whole wknd but then #shows up for the race itself smooth like a dolphin....HE KNEW!!! HE KNEW HE HAD TO SLAY!!! HE KNEW HE WAS GONNA BE ON THAT TOP STEP #*lmao maybe my comp post would be titled: 'pics from the 2010 bahrain gp that were life changing' #im looking back at the podium pics rn and its just insane how youthful and bright and pretty he looks #also abt this specific pic. his lashes his big cow eyes his pink lips his fluffy hair GODDDDDDDDS #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #we do a little bit of f1 #2010 bahrain gp

[huckleberr1es]

dog this whole sequence has me a little fucked up poor baby meow meow :(

#homestuck #karkat vantas #john Egbert #is it appropriate to call karkat baby meow meow #i love early hs2 art style #im ab to the part where the art takes a nosedive before the old team fucked off #cant believe it took me this long to get caught up #also cant believe homestuck is actively a thing in my life in 2024 #the two timelines thing is super interesting and i just wanna know how this story is gonna come to a head #i know theyre gonna play sburb/sgrub again and im positive there will be shenanigans with that but like

[starjunkyard]

"Im not even sure anymore if we get to choose who our friends are" There is a part of me that resents you for making me a worse person than i want to be but i am inexplicably uncontrollably drawn to you. You make me a worse person which is the last thing i want yet i want you in every way. If i could leave i would. Maybe i can but i dont want to. I have fun with you. You challenge me and you captivate me and you push me and pull and run circles around me and it makes me feel like a younger man. For the price of being a worse person i get to feel truly, wholly alive. You are the blood that runs through my veins; vital, inseparable. I was reborn when i met you and you are the womb that haunts me. You are the one person on planet earth who knows me. I wish i could leave, move on and be the man im supposed to be but my heart is tied to yours in a gordian knot. There is a part of my soul that rests in yours, magnetic. For as long as i love you i cannot be better than i am. But maybe thats something i can learn to live with. Gregory House-- I think you're worth it.

#house md #james wilson #gregory house #hilson #johan being crazy about yaoi md #johan's mindpalace #Im crazy #like im tearing up #this scene is so romantic it genuinely makes me nauseous #the lowlight setting the lingering stares the soft little smile a dam thats finally broken #I need a 12 gauge bullet in the thigh #Please watch this scene screencaps do not do it near enough justice #do you know whats so genuinely actually sickening #its been months since i finished house md #and i have not watched a single show that has managed to fill even a quarter of the gaping bleeding hilson shaped hole in my heart #shows that have actual gay people actual representation and not a single one has managed to alter my brain chemistry the way hilson has #since day 1 episode 1 #Like its actually nauseating a little its so over for me for the rest of my life #Like im actually never recovering #people say “they dont make xyz like they used to haha” But Guys they Genuinely dont #Im going through withdrawls #I need my yaoi cocaine so bad but my plug died 12 years ago and i cant fucking Move #House md capital of fatphobia homophobia transphobia early 2000s edgy humour outshining modern shows with actual rep like im sick #Its not even because i want to like i feel like there are worms in my brain. I feel like ratatoullie if the rat was evil #This is not what the stonewall riots were for #I feel like so nausous why couldnt i be crazy about an actual gay pairing like a normal gay person. Im gonna throwup #Why couldnt i like music and girls #Its not even that house md is objectively logically better than these shows like no. Im just crazy #Im so sick they make me so sick i feel like there are worms in my head. My head #Dont know when i will ever be onorlmal again. Sorr