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#i just rewatched that scene and i am IN PAIN
hanaasbananas · 2 years
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today's dracula daily email really had me tearing up bc it reminded me of that FUCKING scene in call the midwife when Barbara is dying and Phyllis tells Tom to talk to her in her last moments bc she can still hear him so he starts reciting that psalm-idk the number-but can't continue when he gets to the valley of the shadow of death part, and Phyllis, even though she isn't religious, continues it for him bc of how important it was to both of them and i- 😭😭😭
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magicaldreamfox1 · 2 years
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do u guys ever wonder abt what vegas was thinking between getting shot and collapsing on the floor and passing out. if he was thinking abt how at least he can die knowing that pete wants him. that pete was there. that the last thing he got to see was pete's face even tho it wasn't him who killed him. was he thinking abt how it should've been pete who killed him. was he glad to die. bc there truly is nothing left and pete would be better off without him? that he deserved to die? was he thinking abt his father while falling unconscious or did he listen to the shots pete fired and pete wailing? was he awake just long enough to feel pete collapsing next to him and leaning over him. long enough to feel him lying on his chest? long enough to think that maybe this is the best way to die? to drift off while feeling pete's warmth?
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the book of night women - marlon james // bloodsport - yves olade // olivia cooke on alicent and rhaenyra's relationship
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outatmako · 3 months
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season 2 is like...the euphoria of the peak zikki era vs the utter despair of the charlotte era
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milo-is-rambling · 1 year
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Endometriosis you are my greatest enemy
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alicerosejensen · 1 month
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I love your page so much omg. I‘m literally obsessed with your work😭🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Also I have this imagination in my mind going on about how Leon would try to help his girlfriend from recovering from her mental health issues since she’s always helping him. I was recently thinking about how he would react finding her not moving on the bathroom floor and trying to bring her back! I rewatched American horror stories and the scene with tate and violet in the first season episode 6 (ig?) is always in my head. I‘m still recovering from my past and my unhealthy habits and tbh recovery never felt better.
If this is too much for you or triggering please ignore this.🫶🏼❤️
I had a terrible period in my life when I was a few steps away from doing something like this in my life and unfortunately this shit often comes out. I'm not sure that such texts help me work through my psychological traumas, which were, in fact, inflicted on me and continue to be inflicted by close people who do not consider me a person, but at least such works help me to vent my pain, which I cannot permanently bury in myself.
I have been postponing this request for a long time because I was probably waiting for the right moment to write this text.
There are mentions of suicide, psychological trauma, severe self-doubt and anxiety, so if this is not acceptable to you, then please just block it.
Perhaps there is a similarity with my previous texts, but I am writing this with strong emotions now that I am trying to cope with it again.
the text is chaotic, I repeat, written while I was under the influence of strong heavy emotions. Maybe I'll delete it later, when my brain gets back to normal a little bit.
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If a songbird doesn't sing well, they wring its neck.
Maybe it was the costs of Leon's profession and the result of his constant missions, after which something human is gradually dying in him despite the constant struggle to save everyone. Raccoon City was supposed to teach, if not to survive, then make him begin to understand that some are doomed to die.
Leon Kennedy was taught not to offend, but to protect the weak, especially weak women. But it is difficult to calm the flow of disordered thoughts and put aside the fear that has seized him in order to clamp bloody wrists and apply something to them to stop the blood. Leon knew many strong women: Ada was perhaps the first among them, he did not know either her past or her real name, only the present that pushed their foreheads against each other; Claire, a fighting friend of misfortune that he met in that ill-fated city; Ashley, who turned from a baby eagle into a proud eagle; Angela Miller and others…
Your strength dissolves in the water, coloring it scarlet while your heart stubbornly still beats, let the rhythm noticeably shorten.
In truth, over the past few months it became clear that this was the only way out. When even your loved ones considered you an expired product and did not hesitate to remember this and remind you every time. In the end, their words turned into an obsessive worm that settled in your head, slowly day after day, month after month, devouring you and the circumstances seemed to be not in your favor. Instead of support, you somehow faced reproach, as if the universe was screaming that you were an wrong person, nature's mistake who had no right to live.
Escape attempts were doomed to failure. At first you tried to suppress it in yourself, helping Leon, because, in your opinion, he was the only one who had the right to complain about life, although he did not do this in front of you, because everyone said that you had no problems: you have everything limbs, there are no fatal diseases, all loved ones are healthy and there is a roof over your head, as if this is enough to not fall for nonsense and not walk around forever with a sad face.
This was the last time you shared your experiences. You didn’t even bother telling Leon, but everything inside was torn from constant pain. The feeling was as if you were being beaten by two extremes that led you to the edge of an abyss where you ultimately voluntarily jumped.
no, you really loved him, it was just other people’s words and your own speculation that convinced you, despite your strong relationship with him, that Leon would find someone better, someone more confident in himself, someone who would not be you because you had already missed the chance for a good life because it moved too slowly. Ultimately, a couple of sips of alcohol with sleeping pills and a sharp blade in his hands simply promised to correct the mistake in the form of you with your own hands.
You didn't have the courage to do it any other way.
But you really didn’t think that if you could try to open up to your loved one, you would meet support and not condemnation. Perhaps in a mad world he would be the only one who would heal your wounds as you healed him in your time. Leon clenched his teeth, feeling tears flowing down cheeks, seeing these crimson stains, when he pulled your body out of the bath, holding you close to him, repeating “I’m holding you. It's allright"
He so carefully laid you on his lap, managing to pull out a first aid kit and then bandages to tightly, albeit carelessly, wrap them around your wrist in order to somehow stop the bleeding. At least you were still breathing, thereby giving him hope that everything could still be fixed. the darkness and emptiness came to life, calling in a whisper to dissolve into eternal silence where there is no pain or condemnation. Your body will be in a grave under a gray stone, while the remains of your soul will float like a small grain of sand in infinity.
For Leon, everything happens in a fog; he tried more than once to save people, but he had no right to lose in this battle, even if you yourself surrendered to death. Shaking his head, brushing away the tears, he wrapped your body in a large terry towel, kissed your temple and picked you up, trying to somehow warm you, pressing you closer to him. the ability to provide first aid in the field and pull suicides out of the other world is not the same thing. Leon would have thanked God if he had believed in him, convinced that blood loss was the least of the evils that you had caused yourself, until he saw the remains of some substance at the bottom of the glass that stood on the table along with an almost full bottle of alcohol.
You really didn't give him a chance.
The ambulance took several minutes, which seemed like an eternity. In fact, Leon wasn't sure if it was worth trying to make you vomit when you'd already lost so much blood that it was already seeping through the bandages. Surely you would need a transfusion and Leon is ready to give you all his blood if only you would wake up. Holding his breath, he carefully looked at your chest, watching whether you were breathing and fortunately, your heart was still beating, slowly, but it was still fighting for life.
He stroked you on the head, kissed you, promised that he would take you somewhere else, quiet, where no one would dare to offend you, even if it was your family. You could have just asked him for help, just cuddled up to him and he would have protected you from other people’s attacks, but you preferred to remain silent. Kennedy was tired of waiting for the medical staff to let him in, although relatives should be allowed to see the patient first, but the position of a government agent sometimes had its advantages, and they concerned not only the high salary. When he was let in to you, it seemed to him that you had become half your size while you were lying on the bed, curled up under the blanket. It didn’t work out to pull off a beautiful suicide, which meant that soon angry relatives would come here with new sweat of bile especially for you. They won’t care about your feelings, but Leon sat down next to you, trying not to intrude too much into the space in which you imprisoned yourself, as if this blanket cocoon could be a separate world where you could hide. He spoke to you carefully, hating himself for not being able to understand in time what was wrong with your behavior; perhaps if he had been more attentive to you, the incident could have been avoided. You would see a psychotherapist, take a course of medication, and your environment would definitely be taken care of.
You cry, not letting him come to you, hating how you weren't just left to die and how much you hate this world. Hysteria after hysteria, nervous breakdown after nervous breakdown, in the hospital you repeatedly tried to commit suicide, but the attentive staff managed to prevent this before you inflicted fatal injuries on yourself, and if after some time Leon still managed to carefully break through your armor, then your loved ones This did not concern relatives in principle. You only allowed one person to visit you while you were undergoing psychological treatment and you behaved calmer and calmer, listening to the velvety words that soon all this would be behind you.
“We’ll go home soon,” Leon smiled, gently holding your hand and kissing your forehead, just glad that you’re alive, that you’re breathing and that your psycho-emotional state is slowly but improving. “You know, I have a surprise for you, I think you’ll like it when we get home.”
Soon what happened will become another nightmare in his life, a blessing with a good ending, but for the sake of this happy ending, Kennedy is ready to descend into hell at least every day.
You nod at him and smile a little, fearing that the gift is some kind of party on the occasion of your discharge. In fact, the last thing you want is to see someone’s faces, especially those who diligently hammered into your head how insignificant you are. Why do you even hope that the doctor will postpone your discharge, but the plans for your further treatment were completely different.
On the other hand, after taking antidepressants and psychological help in a special medical institution, how many men are ready to stay with their girlfriends who have been there for several months? For Leon, it seems this was not a significant problem, or he simply carefully did not show it. However, there were no parties, no calls, you simply returned now to his home where there were new interior items. it became somehow more comfortable... but something else surprised you.
Puppy. A small puppy of a couple of months old ran towards you and Leon to meet both of them, but stopped and began sniffing your shoes, while something thawed in your heart.
“Animals seem to help us well, They feel when we feel bad, it seems to me a good idea to get us a little companion,” Leon said quietly, stroking your back while you were busy with the puppy, rejoicing at the little living soul who will love you with the same pure and devoted love.
Ultimately it should have a happy ending too. Leon is ready to go to great lengths so that his beloved songbird starts smiling and singing happy songs again, even if it is necessary to remove other birds from her family who sleep and see how to pluck all her wings again.
You and he also have a chance for a happy ending.
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becauseimanicequeen · 18 days
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Don't Ask Me for QL Recommendations Because My Taste is BAD
Bad as in TRASHY.
For your own good, don't ask me for recommendations.
I'm writing this because I've gotten some asks lately for QL recommendations and I wanted to spare you the pain.
If you still don't trust me (because to be fair, why would you? I'm just a random weirdo on the internet), let me tell you how bad my taste is so you'll know why I'm doing you a great favor by sparing you the pain.
(I also watch, and rewatch, series/films for ridiculous reasons, yet another reason not to listen to me. I’ll come back to this in a minute.)
Let's start with a brief rewind to a couple of decades ago (because it matters in this context).
The first queer content of any kind I can remember watching was Xena: The Warrior Princess in the late 90s and early 00s (I was a child/pre-teen at the time). It was such a pivotal point for me, which is why I remember it vividly. Not only was Lucy Lawless (the actress playing Xena) the most beautiful human being I had ever seen at that point, Xena was also queer and I loved her.
The series, though? It’s bad.
It’s over-the-top, contains ridiculous humor, face-palm-worthy fight scenes, etc., etc. (But, it was also the 90s, so it was quality television at the time, no matter what anyone else says.) It was so bad that it was ridiculously entertaining. I would watch it today (if I could find it anywhere…). That’s how bad my taste is (or how attached I am to bad shit).
That’s when the groundwork for my bad taste was laid. I blame THANK Xena: The Warrior Princess for it.
Then there was a huge skip until July last year when I found the Asian QL world, because I had no idea it even existed (I’m from Europe, btw).
(My personal story is that I fell into the queer/gay film world before the QL world, and the queer films I could find were made and released very sporadically. But ever since I found the treasure trove of Asian QL series in July 2023, I’ve watched 291 series/films as of right now.)
The reason I fell into the Asian QL world was thanks to a Short on YouTube with the main characters from Roommates of Poongduck 304 kissing. (Want to know what convinced me to watch it? One of them was wearing blue and the other pink, two of my favorite colors. Yep, that’s the reason. Told you it would be ridiculous.)
Since then, I’ve been exploring this rabbit hole and loving every second of all the bad shit that’s out there (there’s some great shit too, and some great things that aren’t shit at all, but they’re not really my taste because my taste is trashy, remember?).
I quickly noticed what my taste was pulling me towards and, in some cases, the trashier it was, the more I liked it.
(I’m talking about fiction here. I’m mature enough to be able to separate fiction from reality. Just because I enjoy watching a series/film that depicts a problematic topic, and sometimes do it in a problematic way, doesn’t mean I condone it in real life. I’m just putting this here as a disclaimer because people on the internet are easily offended nowadays. And I honestly don’t have time to respond to people who are venting their anger after purposefully misinterpreting what I’ve said, unless there’s a very valid reason, which there usually isn’t.)
So, what are some of my favorites that I absolutely do not recommend you watch?
Unless you want to watch trash, then, have at it. Just don't say I didn't warn you.
(Btw, if you like any of these, I apologize for calling your taste bad and trashy. But, if you like any of these, I think you already know your taste is bad. Also, if you like any of these, hey, bestie!)
Let’s start with the less extreme ones so I don’t scare you away from the start. After that, they’re in no particular order.
(With the issues/TW section for each series/film I include possible trigger warnings, taboo topics, what viewers/commenters have brought up as problematic, my possible issues with the writing, etc. I won’t list everything (because some of them would have looong lists) but I’m including some of the major ones.)
Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan)
Issues/TW: Dubious consent, age gap, “adoptive” brothers becoming lovers, etc.
Both couples in this series have their own set of issues. Ai Di and Chen Yi are the “adoptive” brothers who become lovers while Ze Rui and Zong Yi have an age gap (I can’t remember how big of an age gap but I think it was close to 10-ish years).
(Before I move on there’s one thing you should know about me… I was born into a family with a varying degree of age gaps within marriages, from 2 to 23 years. Even though we’ve talked about the bigger age gaps occasionally, it’s never been an issue. I don’t mind age gaps as long as they’re legal. Does that mean I would hook up with someone in their late teens or early twenties? No. I would rather hook up with someone who has a fully developed brain, which science suggests doesn’t happen until somewhere in the mid-to-late-twenties. But it does mean that age gaps (as long as they’re legal) aren’t something I’ll be bothered by or judgemental of.)
Kiseki: Dear to Me is one of my favorite series because:
It’s from Taiwan, and the Taiwanese QLs are generally great at dealing with more difficult and taboo topics.
Ai Di is the feistiest, most colorful, and pettiest bitch and I love him with my entire ice-cold heart.
Chen Yi looks amazing in black.
The neon lights (because I’m a slut for that).
Also, the kissing (from both couples) is great.
You know, I did say that these would be series/films I absolutely do not recommend you watch. But I’ll actually recommend this one. Watch it. It’s great.
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Unknown (Taiwan)
Issues/TW: Age gap, “adoptive” brothers becoming lovers, etc.
This is another one I’ll actually recommend you watch because it’s great.
The main couple (Qian and Yuan) are the “adoptive” brothers becoming lovers while the age gap is most prominent between San Pang (Qian’s business partner) and Lili (Qian’s younger sister). There’s also the fact that San Pang is part of their chosen family and has seen Lili grow up and stuff. So, if that bothers you, then don’t watch it.
The biggest reasons I would personally recommend it to those I know aren’t particularly bothered by taboo topics are because:
The yearning is palpable (and I love shit like that).
Qian would move heaven and earth for his family.
The great story.
The even more amazing acting.
Some moments made me bawl (and since I'm an ice queen, I get obsessed with shit that shatters my ice and makes me cry).
I know I said my taste is trashy… but I would actually give myself a gold star for loving this one.
Now, back to the real trash…
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Love in the Air (Thailand)
Issues/TW: Dubious consent, SA, rape, MAME, etc.
Everyone and their aunt (or however the saying goes in English) seem to have an issue with MAME (the original creator of LITA and several other trashy BLs) and for good reason. (I would say that she improved a lot with Wedding Plan, which is the least problematic thing I’ve watched from her and it’s the latest series of hers, as of right now.) If she’s grown, remains to be seen. But it doesn’t change the fact that LITA has some issues.
Honestly, I just watch this for the visuals, as in the motorcycles and the neon lights. That’s it. That’s the reason.
I mean, if you look at the whole first sex scene between Sky and Prapai, you get what I mean with the neon lights. It’s divine. (I recently rewatched LITA for this very reason. A waste of time, you say? Not when you’re a slut for neon lights.)
Don’t watch this though! Just enjoy this gif instead…
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I just saved you 13-ish hours of your life. You’re welcome.
TharnType and TharnType 2: 7 Years of Love (Thailand)
Issues/TW: Dubious consent, homophobia, domestic violence, MAME, etc.
Don’t watch this. This is bad. As in, really bad. And all the issues are in the main couple’s relationship.
But, since my taste is really bad, I rewatched this recently for horny reasons (it’s Mew, after all, and he’s got me in a chokehold for some reason). It’s still as bad as I remembered it, but I would still rewatch it for Mew’s sake (and because Techno is ridiculous throughout both seasons, which means I love him).
To be fair there are other, a lot spicier, series that I watch more often for horny reasons (yes, some of them are in this post because they’re trashy too), but none of them include Mew. And since I have to get my dose of Mew from time to time, I return to TharnType (especially the second season).
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Big Dragon (Thailand)
Issues/TW: Dubious consent, blackmail, etc.
This isn’t that problematic in my opinion, but there is definitely a drug-induced sexcapade that’s taped and used for blackmail for a while. And that's how the series starts.
I recently did a rewatch of this and it was still bad (in a good way) and I loved every second of it.
What I love about this series are:
The visuals. The set designs are beautiful (especially Yai’s home and the bar, before he demolishes it). As a visual artist, this is speaking to my soul.
The chemistry between Yai and Mangkorn.
Pong and Park. Two idiots I love with my whole ice-cold heart.
And the title track because it’s addictive as hell to listen to.
Also, the sex (which my horny ass needs). Let's not forget the sex. Those scenes were also visually stunning, which made me love them even more.
Honestly, I'll kneel and bow down to this shit because it's that great.
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Don’t trust my judgment, though, because my taste is trashy.
Only Friends (Thailand)
Issues/TW: Manipulation, stalking, promiscuity, etc.
This series is messy in terms of intrigue (especially from Boston and then Boeing’s part). The ending had some issues. The sex isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, either. I, on the other hand, would drink a whole pot of this.
Overall, I loved this trash. Mainly because of:
How visually stunning it is.
Sand. He’s a hardworking, good person. He’s also a proud bi!
How they depicted and handled Ray’s addiction and recovery. (I know some watchers were upset that the focus of the series landed on Sand and Ray towards the end while neglecting the other characters, which is a valid point. However, setting that aside, the way they portrayed Ray’s addiction and then his road to recovery in the last couple of episodes was realistic, and I loved it.)
The promiscuity, because I loved it and the mess it created.
Boston being a slutty asshole. The more of a slutty asshole he was, the more I loved him. (I know, it’s a me-problem.)
Boeing coming in and kissing (almost) everyone.
It’s trashy, it’s messy, and I love it!
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But, I don’t recommend it to anyone.
My Beautiful Man 1, 2, and 3 Eternal (Japan)
Issues/TW: Dubious consent, obsession, bullying, lack of (or no real) communication, etc.
I love this series (2 seasons + 1 film), but I honestly don’t see it as particularly problematic. But I know others will disagree with me, so here it is on my list of trashy QLs.
I don’t mind Hira’s obsession because I know Kiyoi is just as whipped for Hira (even though he doesn’t know how to communicate it to Hira at first, especially in a way that Hira understands). Would I be okay with someone’s obsession and stalking in real life? Of course not. But, as I mentioned before, I’m mature enough to separate fiction from reality.
Also, I love miscommunicating characters, especially when the misunderstandings they create bring out all the emotions (angst, hurt, anger, sadness, embarrassment, etc.) and even the flight response. I especially love miscommunicating characters when they learn to communicate throughout the series/film. And this series is especially delicious on the miscommunicating part.
But, it’s also problematic, apparently. So, don’t watch it.
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The End of the World With You (Japan)
Issues/TW: Blackmail, biphobia, cheating, etc.
I’ll be honest and say that I’ve only watched this series three times. And that’s because the biphobia is fucking annoying. In this series, the bi character is depicted as a cheater (which is common in QLs, btw). It’s an exasperating stereotype. Cheating has nothing to do with your sexuality and everything to do with who you are as a person.
(I mean, you can be a proud bi like Payu in LITA or Sand in OF. They have eyes only for one person as soon as they’re pursuing or dating someone. Give me more bi characters like this, please.)
We could discuss how cheating can be used as characterization in certain stories. But not in this one. Here, they’re basically using Ritsu’s bisexuality as the reason he’s cheating (since he’s sleeping with Masumi while having a thing going on with a girl, and then sleeping with a girl when he has a thing with Masumi), which is why it’s bothering me in this series.
If I’m going to tell you why I like this series, however, it’s for 2 reasons:
It’s about getting a second chance, a topic I love.
The sex (laser-focused horny Ritsu is my favorite Ritsu).
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Check Out (Thailand)
Issues/TW: Biphobia, cheating, lazy writing, etc.
(It should be mentioned that I’ve read some comments about some issues involving the company behind this series. I haven’t dug deeper into this so I don’t really know if there’s any substance to the comments I’ve read (like official statements from the company or the other people involved, etc.). But I’m putting this out there in case this might be a potential issue for you (even though I’ve already told you that I don’t recommend you watch any of these because they’re all trashy).)
When I first checked this out at the beginning of this year, this series seemed to have created a storm of bad comments and reviews on MDL since it first came out. So, obviously, I needed to watch it because my taste is trashy.
And, you know what? I loved it!
Besides having the bi character depicted as a cheater (again, the use of this biphobic stereotype is so fucking annoying) and the sporadic clunky and stale scenes, I loved this series because:
It’s about second chances. As I mentioned before, I love that topic.
Best (the actor playing Daonuea) is the best in this series. There’s just something about him that grabs my attention every time. He has me in a similarly tight chokehold as Mew.
There’s sex (and my horny ass needs it).
But, it’s also trash, so don’t watch it.
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Pit Babe (Thailand)
Issues/TW: Domestic violence, non-consensual, SA, age gap, etc.
This became popular. Really popular. I saw people comment about it everywhere. And usually, when stuff becomes popular, it’s more than likely reduced to trash quality by the general public. So, obviously, I had to watch it.
Did I end up loving it? Yes.
Honestly, the biggest issue this series had for me was the whole omegaverse thing (this was a new thing for me because I don’t come from an erotic fiction background, my head was rather stuck in fantasy fiction). And, from my limited understanding of this, they didn’t seem to fully commit to the omegaverse thing in Pit Babe, which was unfortunate.
The racing was also so-so for me, which hurt my soul because I usually love racing (cars, mcs, boats, etc.).
What I did like, however, was:
The chemistry between Pete and Kenta (and I’m so sad I only got crumbs of this).
Pavel (the actor playing Babe). I would watch and listen to him recite product placement scripts for toothpaste all day long.
The sex, especially the scene with Babe and Charlie in ep. 9 (even though it was mixed with clips from the racing) and Jeff and Alan’s scene in ep. 13 (because it was sensual, if we ignore the music).
The neon lights (have I mentioned that I’m a slut for neon lights?). I mean, just look at this:
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I can watch that pinkish light all day long, even though Babe and Charlie are trying to distract me. (Especially Pavel!)
Dead Friend Forever (Thailand)
Issues/TW: Grooming, bullying, suicide & suicide attempts, etc.
Besides the issues listed above, this also suffered from lazy writing at the end. BUT, I fucking loved DFF anyway.
I never expected to love this series because it’s just a bunch of teenagers stuck at a house in the woods. How interesting could that be? Turns out, very.
DFF wasn’t perfect (perfection doesn’t exist anyway), but what I loved about it was:
The morally ambiguous characters.
The revenge plot.
The poetic justice.
The questioning of what was real vs hallucination.
The visually stunning shots.
The mask!
And Tan’s mask!
The beheading scene.
I could go on, but you get the point. I just love this piece of trash.
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But, please, don’t watch it. You will suffer from brain rot. Trust me.
I, however, am currently rewatching this because I choose the brain rot. And my taste is trashy, remember? Or, perhaps I just love watching chaos unfold…
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HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count (Taiwan)
Issues/TW: Dubious consent, age gap, tragic ending, etc.
Everyone and their aunt and even their dog have an issue with the ending of this one. And it’s understandable.
I don’t necessarily like or dislike the ending. Obviously, the bury your gays trope is tragic in itself, and, tragically, it’s still being used. That’s why I couldn’t find myself liking the ending, even though I don’t mind tragic endings. (Romeo and Juliet is one of my favorite classics, which people tend to forget is a tragedy and not a romance, btw, but I digress…)
At the same time, though, this series made me cry for a whole episode before tragedy struck because I could feel it. And you have no idea how obsessed I get about shit that makes me cry (since I’m an ice queen).
(Another side note: one of my favorite BLs is Once Again, which made me bawl throughout the whole series. It’s not on this list because it’s neither trashy nor bad, but it’s still one of my favorites because it broke me in the best ways. But, anyway…)
The best part of this series from beginning to end was the other couple, at least for me. This couple is the one with the age gap (which, again, doesn’t bother me) and I fucking love them! One, because Wilson Liu (the actor playing Bo Xiang) is such a gem. Second, because their first time was such a spur-of-the-moment thing fueled by a desire that went from 0-100kph in less time than a Ferrari would. And I loved it (just as much as the squeezing of boobs from behind, which, for some reason, appeals to me).
Also, the twins are so pretty it’s annoying.
Do I recommend it, though? No, because I don’t have time to respond to the clap back I’ll get when you come to the end.
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HIStory 4: Close to You (Taiwan)
Issues/TW: Dubious consent, SA, obsession, age gap, stepbrothers becoming lovers, etc.
This one has some problems (especially the relationship between Yong Jie and Xing Si), but I love both the series and its problems (yes, I’m trash). You could say that I’m as obsessed with this series as Yong Jie is with Xing Si. Would I get this series drunk and fuck the living daylights out of it? No. But I would watch it once every 3 months or so. Oh, wait… I already do that. Because I’m trash.
What do I love so much about this series (other than what I mentioned above):
It’s from Taiwan.
Li Cheng is ridiculous, which is exactly why I love him.
Every time I rewatch it, it gets funnier.
The chemistry between Li Cheng and Teng Teng is amazing.
As well as the chemistry between Yong Jie and Xing Si.
The kissing is just as amazing.
The main fujoshi girl, Mei Fang, is so cute I can’t handle her.
And the bathroom scene! In that lighting! It’s iconic!
I don’t care what anyone else says. This is fucking gold to me. But, then again, my taste is trash. So, don’t listen to me.
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KinnPorsche (Thailand)
Issues/TW: Dubious consent, SA, torture, Stockholm syndrome-ish, etc.
This is some next-level trash, and I fucking love it.
Two of the major relationships in this series (Kinn & Porsche and Vegas & Pete) are problematic at some point. Especially Vegas and Pete who have this whole captor/captive, torture, BDSM-ish type relationship. Of course, I love Vegas and Pete because my taste is super trashy (yes, it’s a me-problem, but I don’t force my taste on other people, so, for the love of all that is holy, don’t watch this!).
Other reasons I love this series and rewatch it from time to time:
It’s visually stunning! The cinematography is amazing. As I mentioned before, I’m a visual artist, so this is a very valid reason for me to watch it again and again. And again.
The neon lights.
The whole mafia thing.
The sex (because my horny ass needs it).
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Playboyy (Thailand)
Issues/TW: SA, homophobia, suicide, etc.
I was debating whether or not to add this to my list solely based on the ending. However, up until that point, I really liked it.
The fact that every episode starts with a whole ass list of trigger warnings tells me this is my shit. And it was.
At times, it was so bad that it was good (until the ending, which was just so bad it was bad). The things I liked were:
The mystery.
Win (who played Nuth). His acting was great.
The chemistry between Nuth and Phop.
The tattooed daddy that’s Aob and his chemistry with Puen (there’s also an age gap here, btw, but as I’ve mentioned before, it’s fine by me as long as it’s legal).
The weird ass sex scenes (and the underwear).
And the not so weird ass sex scenes (like the ones between Aob and Puen and the ones between Nuth and Phop).
But, this series is trashy. Keep as far away from it as possible. If you still decide to dip in, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
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Red Wine in the Dark Night (Thailand)
Issues/TW: Obsession, blood, human blood bags, etc.
This is a queer film that’s BL-ish with some dark themes. Mainly, it’s about how far Wine would go to help the person he’s fallen for (or become attached to).
What I loved about this film was:
Fluke (who plays Wine). He’s such a great actor and I love him in everything he does.
Wine who is so desperate to love someone and be loved that he ends up doing some weird shit.
The darker and sadder vibe, which I love.
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Irresistible Love 1 and Irresistible Love 2 (China)
(This is also called Uncontrolled Love.) 
Issues/TW: Obsession, homophobia, codependency, adoptive brothers becoming lovers, etc.
This is another queer film (in two parts) that is more BL-ish than the films I’m getting into below.
This depicts a weird relationship dynamic between Xie Yan and Shu Nian where Shu Nian was basically adopted into the family to become Xie Yan’s friend/babysitter/lackey. This is some weird ass shit, and I love weird ass shit so I really enjoyed this rare, uncensored, gem from China.
But, it’s also trashy. So, don’t watch it.
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The next couple of films I’ll mention are (obviously) trashy, but also complex and deep (which is why I love them).
One Summer Night (South Korea)
Issues/TW: Obsession, dependency, oppression, etc.
This is a low-budget film from 2016 (so, production-wise, it’s definitely nothing like the usual stuff from South Korea you can watch on Netflix), but I love it.
It’s gritty, it’s raw, it’s explicit (an emphasis on explicit because you’ll see dicks), it deals with being a North Korean defector but ending up in an impoverished situation in South Korea, and it ends with a dubious ending you can interpret in different ways.
This is definitely not for the general QL viewers who watch QLs for the cutesy stuff.
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And it's trashy. So, don’t watch it.
Dangerous Drugs of Sex (Japan)
Issues/TW: All the trigger warnings! Seriously. I feel like it’s better to say that so you’ll look up the TWs for yourself (if you choose to watch this, which I'm asking you not to) rather than me mentioning a few and forgetting others.
With this film, what others see are all the trigger warnings (and, yes, I see them too, they’re fucking obvious). However, I can see beyond that and watch it for what it is at the core: Two characters dealing with incredible grief.
Grief is a topic that often affects me and I can relate to it because I’ve had to deal with a lot of grief in my relatively short life. Watching a film like this where grief pushes the characters to their very limits will (often) get a special place in my heart, especially if done well. And it’s done very well in this film.
Do I condone the characters’ behaviors? No (especially not Yoden Ryoji’s). But I do understand that grief can send you over the edge (and in some cases throw you off the edge) because I’ve experienced it. I do understand that grief can cause you to make horrible decisions because I’ve done it (though, not this extreme). I do understand that grief can be self-destructive because I’ve been there. This film shows it all. That’s why I love it so much.
Do I recommend you watch this, tough? No. Don’t do it. This is not for everyone. It’s definitely not for those who watch QLs for the cutesy stuff.
But it is for me because I love trash. Especially good trash. And this is the best trash I’ve ever seen when it comes to gay films.
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Anything by Scud Cheng
Lastly, I want to mention any film by Scud Cheng because…
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And I’m an artist so art means everything to me.
Cheng is a screenwriter and director from Hong Kong. His films, the ones I’ve seen, are gritty, nude, and real. They are more on the art side than the others I’ve listed above, which is why they have a special place in my heart.
They’re also deep and explore themes like introspection (are we doing things because we believe they’re the right thing to do, or because external forces have “brainwashed” us to believe they’re the normal thing to do?), the porn industry and how it exploits young and queer men, death, politics, and love, to name a few.
These are not for the average QL watcher. They’re not for the faint of heart. They’re not for those who want an entertaining watch.
These films require multiple viewings. I’ve watched some once, some twice, and some more times, and I still find new themes and meanings woven into the stories. So, they’re complex and deep.
But, don’t watch them because I know you’ll come at me later. So, to spare us both the time and energy it would take to argue about this shit, just don’t watch any of it.
Now, if you still want to ask me for recommendations after all that, don't tell me I didn't warn you!
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bluginkgo · 2 months
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Just what in the fack did I watch... I'm gonna go watch it again just for funsies and to cry again (Rambles/Thoughts)
This post will mostly contain random rambles and thoughts I had while watching and rewatching the episode. And a lot of this is just going to be me ranting about scenes (the rants will most likely make you wanna go "Ginkgo, that's common sense we can see it smh." XD Just roll with it. Oh and NUzi scenes
Spoilers, duh and lots of words. Oh and gore warning? Kinda?
I mean... that scary *ss mother facking thing towards the end- you know what I'm talking about if you watched the ep 😅
First thing I found interesting, is how the Solver behaves in this scene. It's mere shadows, not even fully manifested. Further proves that the Solver transcends simple time and space, and is on a different plane of existence- a 4th dimension if you will.
The humans did, in fact, learn how to control the Solver. The pentagram like projections act as gravity enforcers and lights that subdue the solver for a period of time. Buuuut it seems that it's not full proof. It seems that this occurance is fairly common, seeing as the workers nearby were not very concerned that an eldrich being was about to break loose.
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Alright another slow moment here. But I had to google wtf "MacGuffin" meant (English isn't my first language, so take it easy on me ;w;). And taking this straight from the google search "an object or device in a movie or a book that serves merely as a trigger for the plot." So most likely, the Absolute Solver is referring to the fact that Mitchell the intern set things in motion simply because he was mistaken for the real Dr. Chambers... Classic- CLASSIC human mistake XD
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So... Heart/Nori. Something interesting is going on with her. I believe Nori WAS injured by the DDs and had to be finished off by Khan. I'll touch on Khan a bit later. But, just as seen with Eldrich J... I'm not sure why I've never thought of this before! It makes sense for Nori's corrupted core: Heart, to still function properly. Meaning, she could have snuck away when she was killed and returned to the cathedral to search for the crucifix. Uzi gets most of her style from Nori 🥹. Seems like Uzi got her mom's style and Khan's engineering abilities.
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I had it all wrong- and I am ALL FOR IT! N wasn't afraid of something he saw ahead. He was upset with what they left BEHIND! V! And THIS ENTIRE SCENE
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You cannot believe how surprised I was. This scene was so much better than I could have imagined it. Yes, it was painful to watch, but sweet robo-god this was executed SO DAM WELL TwT It was delicious angst. And Tessa was not in fact drawing her sword on Uzi, but instead protecting her... kinda... with an ulterior motive of course.
The gut wrenching betrayal right there. The animation team did a wonderful job at animating the betrayal and how it manifested in Uzi. Disbelief and then anger.
Not to mention her stumble. I hyper fixated on that stumble a bit too much on my first 2 watches. (Yes, I've rewatched the episode 8 times now, hush I love it XD). Her stumble shows weakness. And in that moment, she wishes to be anything BUT weak. The suspicion of betrayal is settling in, and she needs to be able to fight back. But her body is giving out. The events are taking a toll on her. And makes me appreciate the animation detail that much more.
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This scene N is definitely angry. He's trying his best to keep it together and Tessa's pressure to injure and kill Uzi is not helping. So for him to be talking to Uzi, while glaring at Tessa is just him driving the point home. He is NOT going to hurt Uzi, no matter what they might find down in the labs.
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But a poor choice of words that was. It gives Uzi a glimpse of what was actually happening and what has been bothering N. The trust vaporizes, and with it, any attempts with communication.
And what I believe, gives a nod back to ep2. As N steps in to try to help Uzi up, she retreats. Same happens in this episode. And the kicker? "Falling... for you" song starts lightly playing in the background.
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This is far too comical after he says he deserves to have his limbs cut off. The whiplash I got from that is ridiculous... in a sad and funny way.
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What an amazing shot. But it does paint a picture of what the DDs have done. Perhaps the blood also acted as cooling agents, and this is why the trend continued with robots- except this time around as oil. And this is what the Administration CYN most likely blocked out. Not only the manor time, but also the bloodbath that followed as Earth collapsed.
THE DOG MADE IT IN AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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It's interesting on how the solver manifests in the drones. It seems that Uzi's wings and tail, do not make the solver go insane, and she can continue to use it. However, later in the episode the same wings and tail go berserk. So it seems that once the transformation has set in- like with Uzi- it becomes part of the drone rather something that is manifested by the Absolute Solver's control.
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SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE XD Part 2A that Khan refers to is on the bottom left corner, the green core that Uzi got a hold of back in pilot episode- also titled as "I think this is a robot liver or something lol."
Plan B: Uzi could have had a normal gun if railgun didn't work. Bottom right corner
Top left corner under Uzi's railgun title: "30 min recharge time. That'll be fine." Famous last words ever XD
Top right corner: "Other things it can do: Not judge me, force prom dance, I can say I had friends but fricken murdered them with sci fi weaponry."
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I love how sassy he is here XD His character development and arc is something that I will never forget. He has definitely come a great ways. Khan also seems adamant about his wife being completely dead. Which proves that he didn't know a single thing about the Absolute Solver and what it can do. He could only reference Nori's insane drawings and deduce that the planet was going to eat them all soon.
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Idk if this is just my tired brain, but this comment felt like a joke to me. (Remember, I don't know anything about computers and the language ;w;) But the physical patch to save herself... as in, the same patches that are sent out for games/programs to fix bugs? That's the joke I got out of that one 😅
This entire sequence was something out of my nightmares XD The heel tapping that KEPT GETTING QUICKER definitely had me reeling back from the screen XD
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The Nori and Yeva scene was so wholesome 🥹. I loved the way the animators showed their interaction. Despite the hellish events, they were still close.
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My only issue with this image is, on what is Doll moving? Not like the floor. The core is gone from her body, what the heck is still driving her forward? Perhaps just on the sheer will to warn Uzi to "fight back." And I suppose I can see how she could still move without her main core. Almost acting like chickens do, when you cut their heads off. One was able to live for 18 months after the head was cut. So I suppose I can get behind the idea that Doll's final wish was to warn Uzi, at the very least, and thus forced the body to move until it did so.
But then, Tessa shows up. Which makes me wonder if she was the one that simply lead Doll's body to come to Uzi. How? Uhhh... Absolute Solver! Let's just go with that sweat face. The con in that theory is a simple: why? Why bother leading Doll to Uzi? To spook her? To give a false reason to attack Uzi? Given that N was still very much behind them all, I don't see why the Absolute Solver would try to make up some odd reason to attack Uzi. It could just simply... go ahead. There was no one there to fool, and could incapacitate Uzi easily. Buuuut I could also be looking too deep into this, as per usual.
Hey guess what.
I found the answer. XD Just as I'm typing this up, a frame popped up.
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Yup, the core was still inside and thus running Doll and thus Doll could move, ok carry on. XD
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Emotions spike the Absolute Solver, something that I love seeing and appears to be less headcanon and more canon at this point for me. Through the entire episode, the Solver keeps glitching out and forcing Uzi to lose control because in this situation, she's very stressed. A betrayal, a misunderstanding, learning about the past, everything becomes too much. This makes keeping the solver at bay that much harder.
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He did NOT give her any chance. Yes or no, Tessa. That suddenness surprised me- in a good way. This shows how much N has grown. He's willing to stand up for his beliefs that much better. If he suspects something, he now acts on it, and does not wait for the other side to perhaps change his mind.
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This scene. This scene shall live in my head rent free for a long while... Actually, the entire episode is gonna live rent free for a while. XD Not to mention the "Falling... for you" song plays in the background yet again. Ugh, pulling on heart strings there ;w;
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They had us all fooled XD The hand lights were on just to trick us, and in fact were meant to be off this entire time! Oh you sneaky sneaky people. >w<
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ALL OF THESE SCENES, they're all so cruel but SO GOOD TwT So cruel in context of how tortured N must be to fight Uzi, but so good in context that this fight sequence and animation is executed SO WELL. All of Nori's slaps were so personal XD Mama Nori educating NUzi
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When I saw this scene, I couldn't help but think of ep3 and their dance. This entire episode is so bittersweet ;w;
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She's still there TwT And she sees this entire fight. Of what she has become and done to N and omg I'm crying again. Moving on.
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OMG YOU SILLY GOOBER BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH XD I love Nori/Heart's reaction, but the Absolute Solver also gets me laughing a bit too hard. "WHAT." That's so simple yet so effective. "What. Why. You are a DD I sent to kill the hosts, why are you hanging out."
The entire scene with NUzi screaming. Just. YES. What better way of gettin rid of stress than screaming! ^_^
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Oh you sneaky, sneaky people. Well, all I can say, you got me. You got me good. This is something I didn't think of, but should have. It's simple to get these shots with certain rigs missing. And it was done seamlessly. Well done, well done. I begrudgingly applaud you. XD
HE'S PATTING HER HEAD AAAAHHHHH *proceeds to ascend to another realm*
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They did not... omg they did XD Ah, yes, welcome a new horror oh and by the way here- :3 a cute face
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Omg they look so cool- KHAN WTF XD
LOL J THE PRIOR HAZARD WARNING AHAHAHAHAHA
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The way she shook his hand trying to snap him back to himself and wake up 😭. And the entire sequence following this... I'm just now slowly starting to process it, oh and great I'm sobbing again. Alright, moving on.
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Well, I have some thoughts in this. This is personal thoughts, thus this is where you are more than free to yeet this section into the void that Uzi was dragged into... sorry that was a bad joke- anyways. "Die mad." I feel like this is her way of telling N to not give up. To go out there and FIGHT. But if he can't win, then to die like she is. To die in a way that he will be proud of and to go batsh*t crazy. Because by now, Uzi must know that all of their chances of survival are slim. So you might as well go out with a bang and "die mad."
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Something I noticed and was further solidified when @bloodywolfwings also mentioned it. Uzi looks at peace here and very accepting of death. And I say, yes, she very much is. I think this was a way of her asking N for forgiveness. For getting mad at him in the beginning of the episode, for failing to be useful/protecting N, and for fighting against him- despite being possessed. And perhaps even, as an incredibly insane and radical thought, for loving him. This entire episode has put the characters and us through the wringer, and that "sacrifice" was just the cherry on top.
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Something I have seen already mentioned once at very least (by @/rebecca-babe) and something that also put me on edge was the ending credits... or the lack of. Of course, all the credits roll, but it's not the usual type. Instead of an upbeat music that is either "Uzi the drone killer" or a theme that was seen in the episode... its SILENCE. Being a musician myself, I love how much love has been put into Murder Drones. The sound effects and the main music are always top-notch. But that ending unsettled me the most. The lack of all noise is something that is terrifying and unsettling in that ending. Almost like all the music and sound left with the "sacrifice" of the main character, Uzi. The entire episode was filled with sounds, silence only being present when something incredibly WRONG was happening - like at the beginning when intern Mitchell re-entered the cathedral. And as much as I love how well executed this entire scene was, I hated it. Because that scene does the job that it was set out to do. Put you on edge, and make you feel like all hope is lost. That this is it. This is the end.
This is the end of my rambles and thoughts that I had while watching ep7. I may have more later on as I keep rewatching this episode for the rest of the week ;w;
Want to hear more of my stupid rambles? This has 3 other parts!
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ninallthatjazz · 10 months
Text
I am rewatching Shadow and Bone and I have so many thoughts about the Kanej wound dressing scene in S2E3 dkwbjdorbr it's one of the best scenes in the show imo.
The hesitant way Kaz enters the room, like he knows exactly that it will be hard for him to see Inej hurt and, more importantly, angry at him. He looks at the floor for a second to gather his courage before he speaks.
Mirroring Kaz in the first episode, Inej senses his presence before he makes himself known. She goes still for a second, staring straight ahead, before resuming what she is doing.
The trembling in Inej's voice on the line "you are gambling with our lives" because she is so furious and hurt and can just not understand why Kaz is not his usual level-headed, cold-hearted, calculated self. Kaz can be cruel and detached, but she knows how to work with that, she knows him. This is uncharted territory, and it terrifies her, especially because she will be right back where she started if this goes wrong.
Kaz immediately turning away when Inej starts to take off her blouse (despite the layers she wears underneath). I am wondering if it's more for her sake or if he doesn't trust himself to keep his desire for her locked away in the dark corner of his heart where he usually keeps it buried.
Kaz fighting to get out the words "Pekka Rollins killed my brother", breathing heavily like speaking those words are enough to make him drow.
Inej looking at him with fire in her eyes and saying in the most eerily calm voice "then we destroy him". He gave her a reason, and this is all she needed to trust in him and fight by his side.
Kaz looking up at those words like he can't believe that he heard correctly, like he has to make sure the hope growing in him is grounded in reality.
The resolve in his eyes when he starts walking towards her, hand shaking when he silently asks her to give him the cloth so he can clean her wound.
Inej's stunned look at his face, trying to read the situation. Is Kaz Brekker trying to take care of me? In a situation that requires touch?
Her little gasp when the cloth makes contact with her skin. I don't think pain is the cause.
Kaz trying so hard, but still clenching his jaw like he is biting steel, breathing fast, feeling the water rise.
The look they share after "was there no one to protect you?" saying that no, they were both alone then. But they are not alone any longer.
Inej's little arched brow and casual tone when she asks "do I have one?" (a tell). She wants to know if he sees her, her, who tried to be invisible most of the time. Him immediately giving an answer.
Her asking him to be vulnerable with her in return. "what's yours?" whispered in the intimite air between them.
Kaz trying desperately to keep his armor on by deflecting with the limp. Immediately losing it when she keeps looking at him (looking at his mouth) telling her what she wants to know, he would tell her everything, if she just keeps looking at him like that..
Inej understanding even without him saying it (I want you), leaning into him.
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I could rewatch this another 100 times and I would still find new things. Freddy and Amita deserve all the awards for this incredibly nuanced performance.
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kairiscorner · 10 months
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hi hii lovie!! would u mind doing a short blurb of miguel being with a harleyquinnfem!reader? i just rewatched suicide squad and birds of prey and i just think margot’s harley quinn and miguel would be such an iconic pairing given those two have complete different personalities lol, thank you!! hope u hv a good day!
HELLOOOOO !! OMG, ok i just wanna preface this, i am not exactly very well-versed in a lot of DC characters so i'm really sorry if i end up not doing requests for those characters or if the execution is really shitty, BUT THIS ONE IS SOMETHING I'M A LITTLE MORE FAMILIAR WITH AND ONE I WANNA SEE :'DD again, REALLY SORRY IF I DO IT HORRIBLY 😭😭😭but here ya go, i hope you like it anon <:))
(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)
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miguel o'hara x harley quinn!fem!reader
summary: you two agreed not to kill each other, which is easier said than done; but someday, eventually... you'll come to realize that he sees you as more than an extra hand in fighting off tricky villains, that he cares about you more than you'll ever know. word count: 853
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right as miguel thought that this would be the end of the line for him as the villain kept him pinned against the ground–about to dissect his innards and skin him like a spider to be taxidermied–he soon heard cackling from far away. he rolled his eyes further into the back of his head in an attempt to roll them weakly out of exhaustion as he groaned in utter defeat.
'great, that pain in the ass knew i was here.' he thought to himself as you came with a bang–quite literally as you blew up a street on your way here and caused 12 cars to crash into each other. "hey you ugly, bowl cut bitch!" she called out to the villain miguel was being pinned down by. you giggled as you jumped up in the air and swung your gigantic mallet at the cybernetic villain and bashed her head in. you licked your lips at the destruction, and the villain–despite looking banged up and having a few sparks flying out of the right side of her head, smirked at you. "that all you got, ya little harlot?" she asked as her grip on miguel's neck tightened, eliciting groans and grunts from her sheer strength.
you giggled as you swung your mallet for show. "now, now, if anyone's gonna choke little miggy 'till he's blue in the face and sobbing and begging for forgiveness, it's gonna be me." you declared as you jumped up again and brought your mallet down to squash her–but the villain aimed at you with their finger guns and shot lasers at you as you were in mid-air. you grinned wider as you contorted yourself in the air to dodge the lasers; you were very flexible and super fast, and miguel knew that very well. the villain didn't give up, however, as she shot at your blind spot, getting you by your feet and causing you to lose balance as you got shot in the knee.
you grunted in pain as you fell down, with the villain laughing as she turned to miguel. you got up and watched as the villain leaned over to kiss miguel, "fucking gross." you muttered as you tried getting up to your feet, when you heard the villain yelp a little as she froze up and loosened her grip around miguel. you giggled as you watched miguel get up and look at you from the corner of his eye. "all yours." he muttered as he helped you up.
"wait," he said as he webbed up the gaping wound in your knee from the shot. "can you walk?" he asked you with a tone of concern in his voice. you didn't answer him as you climbed onto him and whispered in his ear, "toss me." miguel was used to this showy scene, though he hated doing it–out of fear he'd throw you too far. he followed through however and tossed you at the villain, who was recuperating from the paralysis miguel's venom gave her. taking out this villain was like a walk in the park for you as you brought your mallet up and whispered a little, "bye-bye!" as you brought down your vengeance–or just utter desire to hit something right now–upon her with a loud smash!
you skipped over to miguel with a bright smile on your face. "job's done!" you said with a perky voice as miguel rolled his eyes as he looked over at the damage you caused on your way here. "this is, what, four million dollars in property damage?" he asked you sarcastically, to which you giggled and counted on your fingers. "correction, fourteen million dollars!" you said with a giggle as miguel opened a portal and gently took your wrist in his hand as he dragged you along. "hey now! you promised me that next time, we'd go sight-seeing in the universes we're in! how dare you break your promise, miggy?!" you whined as miguel placed his hand under your chin and gave you a stern look.
"when you'd behave." he said as he leaned down a little towards you. "it'll happen if you prove to behave yourself, and this little stunt you pulled off, it calls for a good talking to with you. you'll get what you want from me if you behave, do i make myself clear?" he asked you as you nodded slowly and smiled up at him. "gotcha, miggy." you said in a chipper voice as you walked through the portal, then running back out, but with miguel grabbing you by the collar and dragging you back in. "the things i do for you..." he muttered as he rubbed his eyes. though, weirdly enough... he finds your chaotic way of saving him a little endearing. either you've pissed him off so much that he misses feeling responsible for your mess, or it's that you've had his heart ever since you tried to kill him the first time you two met. ah, well, it doesn't matter now; as long as you're safe, and will get that wound fixed up, he wouldn't have you any other way.
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a/n: i love this dynamic WAIT AAAAAAAAAAAAAA also thanks ate @binibinileonara for risque's nickname :> also SHET PARE, i fr was so desperate to see miggy's eyes roll to the back of his skull when the vulture was choking him, like- please.
tags !! @binibinileonara @miguelswifey04 @luvstarrstruck @fiannee @yuridopted0
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fudgelling-away · 5 months
Text
Sans, tail me your secret
sfw, 1000 words
An innocent slice of life. You and Sans get to know each other better in the early stages of relationship.
Warnings: Intimacy (but no outright suggestive themes, nothing happens besides obvious attraction, that’s not the focus of this text) A few curse words Some tears, some drama (but it ends well, you both will be alright)
As always, your writing and drawings are more than welcome! You can write a different ending, or change how the whole scene would play out, I'd love to see it.
.... What a nice evening, you thought.
You two got ready to binge-watch the tenth season of Ancient Aliens. Almost 10 years have passed since the monsters came to the surface and Sans has been busy with going through all the old shows. It gave you an opportunity to rewatch some old classics or discover something you have previously missed.
Surrounded with snacks and blankets, you got comfortable and he was now sitting close to you on the couch. Not really paying attention to NASA's Secret Agenda, you were discreetly observing his face. So relaxed, lively. Happy.
In a sudden surge of courage and affection you coaxed him to move onto your lap.
He followed your lead seemingly without a second thought while his eyelights remained glued to the TV. You almost missed the twitch of the corner of his smile as he tried to keep a poker face, but you were getting really good at reading him those days. As he nestled in your lap, leaning with his back against your chest, an eerie feeling crept up on you. Even though his bones were thicker than your own, he seemed so fragile. It was... wrong. He was too exposed and you didn't like that at all. You embraced him gently, closing your eyes and wishing that your body could become his shield. What a nice evening.
The living room was pleasantly warm, contrasting with the snow that was faintly visible outside the windows. Fire crackling in the fireplace, the smell of burning pine wood, tea with orange slices and cloves.... What a nice–
Your eyes opened wide. With him sitting flush against you the crests of his ischium dug into your thighs – it felt insanely intimate, but you kept your composure until something poked against your abdomen. ... The fuck was that? You froze. Both his hands were in your view. He was still sitting calmly, though you could see droplets of sweat forming on his skull. When he leaned forward to reach for a cookie, something the size of a finger brushed against your belly, and suddenly all you could see was an image of a big fat rat crawling under his shorts, or a spider, or....
You jumped up with a yelp, throwing Sans off your lap, trying to catch him with your left hand and falling with him on the carpet, cookies flying through the air, crumbs everywhere. You managed to break the fall with your right forearm, still awkwardly squishing Sans to your left side.
Silence.
Only the dramatic clatter of the tin bowl against the wooden floor.
He scrambled away from you with such pain in his wide-open eyesockets that you thought he was about to cry, but there was no chance to console him. He shortcutted out of the room. He just wanted a fucking chocolate cookie. You felt a wave of dread surging through your body in a sickening way. You felt like the worst trash on earth. Calm down. At least one of you can't freak out. You are going to laugh about it later, it's okay. Breathe. You climbed the stairs on shaky legs and quietly knocked on his door.
“Sans? Are you there?”
No response.
“Knock, knock?” you whined miserably. “Babe, I'm so sorry, please let me explain.”
You began to wonder if he had teleported to his room at all, and not somewhere else. You sat down by the door and took out your phone. Your hands were shaking so much that writing a message was a real challenge.
You:
Sans. I am extremely sorry. My reaction was involuntary, caused by surprise and nothing more. I am so disappointed in myself for hurting you like this. Your expression will haunt me till the day I die. Rest assured I am punished. I was simply surprised because…
dont tell him about the rat
...because I still have no idea what you touched me with. I don't know your body that well yet. I'm sorry that my reaction was so spectacular. Read. You sighed with relief and waited.
Sans:
heh it was quite spectacular wasn't it
You:
I'm so sorry Will you come back and talk?
Sans: and risk being yeeted across the floor? fat chance, buddy
You: I'm so sorry... After a bit of back and forth, some more grovelling and some heartfelt promises, Sans opened the door. You sat up hopefully, but slouched again when you saw his serious expression. His usual grin looked more like an uneasy grimace.
“it's my tail” he grumbled so quietly you almost didn't catch that.
“Your... tail? Your tail moves?”
“i move it. it doesn’t have a mind of its own.”
“Why did you move it?” You asked stupidly and mentally slapped yourself in the face.
Exasperation flashed through his face briefly as he rolled his eyelights.
“i didn't– buddy, pal, it’s short but it’s still a tail and functions like one. when i bend or reach, it reacts to balance me, however ridiculous that sounds.”
He remained silent for a moment and you dared not to speak. His eyesockets narrowed slightly.
“yours doesn't, huh?”
“No! I don't really have one, mine is just a couple of fused vertebrae.”
“mine isn't fused.”
You wanted to ask if you could see it, but even though you bit your tongue Sans read your face like an open book.
“tsch. you've got some nerve.”
You groaned, curling up on the floor in front of him.
“I am so sorry...”
“i will remember to let myself react wildly the moment your body surprises me,” You heard his ominous voice above you. He hummed thoughtfully and a smirk slowly crept on his face. “yeah. i will flail and scream. heh.”
“Sans...”
“now, my tea’s getting cold” he walked past you calmly, his voice finally relaxed again. “and i believe you’ve got crumbs to sweep up. c'mon.”
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novamilano1 · 3 months
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Of finding one's voice, of class divide, of journey towards revolution ? Young Royal analysis S3
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I am back, much to my dismay even if the journey is also exhilarating. The limerence, the gut-wrenching obsession which were in check are ablaze with the S3 trailer !!! I am just so excited ! I am buzzing and I need to put it down in words etc.
My first Tumblr post, a few months ago (2 ?) was to talk about this insane amount of mental charge YR was taking rent-free in my head and my life and to ask about book references in YR. (Thanks for the answers even if in-between the countless rewatches of YR, I didn't take much time to read.)
So let's start anew with the S3 trailer. We all saw that in the library scene, just near Wilhelm's head, the cover of a book was subtly put, so to speak, in display even if it was in the background and even if the cover was blurred. Some undescripts yellow booklets are set aside so that we can see the cover of said book. So I tracked it down. Of course, it's a given. I am passionate about literature (though not versed at all in Scandinavian literature). It's the cover of Fröken Julie and Ett drömspel, by August Strindberg, a Swedish playwright. First Miss Julie (1888) paired with another play, A Dream play (1901). Both plays, with different means talk about (dixit wiki) class struggles, the journey to find one's voice, to navigate the tricky balance between the place assigned by society and by gender stereotypes, the struggle between obeying rules, following duty and be one's true self. Fröken Julie is about a forbidden love between an upper class woman who falls in love with a low-class servant. Both try to escape the boundaries, but the weight of the class-divided, patriarchal society is too heavy and the play hints at a final suicide as a way out. I don't think YR will end badly, Willmon will of course be endgame. But the struggles are real and painful.
Miss Julie's plot happens on Midsummer's eve. Stay tuned, I will make two other differents posts based on Midsummer, Young royals etc. What's your take on all this ?
Thank you @lisaambjorn-blog for giving us such a rich show, so many occasions to deepen our culture, to start a conversation on societal, political issues ! Young Royals Baby to quote Omar and of course, let's start a revolution !
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shae-s-heartsong · 8 months
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Aziraphale's smile
So a lot of people are talking about Aziraphale's weird, creepy smile at the end of ep6, and some wonder what's with that smile. I do agree that it's the weirdest thing Aziraphale has ever done, and it's really disturbing, but I think there's too much speculation on what this smile means (by that I mean that people make entire theories based on that smile, or at least it's one of their clues).
Personally, I think this smile is Aziraphale processing things.
More specifically, I think he's forcing this smile. You can see that because it takes a considerable amont of time to appear on his face (up to 20 seconds), it is PAINFUL to watch.
But why would he do that? Well, first, he needs to collect himself; he can't possibly arrive in Heaven looking destroyed, right? He has to show that he's honoured about the offer, that he's strong. But I don't think that's the Main Reason why he's smiling.
I think that Aziraphale is smiling because he's processing that he has taken the right decision. That seems obvious but I don't see many people mentioning it. To be clear, I mean that during The Scene, while he was talking with Crowley (and mainly breaking both of their hearts) he just didn't know about the Second Coming. When Crowley left, Aziraphale was literally destroyed, and most importantly, having doubts about his decision. It's visible because when the Metatron comes, he almost gives up. He hesistates: "But, um... my bookshop..." and still goes "but" after the Metatron says he's given his bookshop to Muriel; and then right after saying there's nothing he can think of (to take with him), he says "I think I--" it is VERY VISIBLE that he is desperate, that he's not sure about what just happened, even though he then resigns.
Then he learns about the Second Coming. He turns to see Crowley, still waiting for him. It's probably very painful for him, but he has taken his decision. He takes a deep breath, smiles and enters the Elevator. And looks very much unwell. But then there's the smile.
I think what happened in his head was : I'm heartbroken, it was the hardest decision I ever had to take, but at least, it was worth it.
You see, when he originally took his decision (before talking to Crowley) to be the next Supreme Archangel, he thought he would be with Crowley; he thought they'd work together to make Heaven Better (I'm not going into the details but I surely will in another post). Then Crowley rejected his offer, and everything he had planed vanished. But the Second Coming gives him a new purpose. After Crowley's rejection, there still is a meaning to his decision. He's going to work for, or I reckon (as we all do) AGAINST the Second Coming.
And that's what makes him smile.
So this is not a happy smile (which we of course all understand), it's a smile full of determination, but a desperate determination, the last-chance kind of determination.
(Yes I had to rewatch the scene to write that, YES I am unwell)
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mercyking · 4 months
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Hello I am . Autistic and so is Nicholas Angel and I want to talk about it (again)
First of all, Nicholas' relationship to social interaction: the way he clearly just Doesn't Care when he's being shown around town / introduced to people; he was bullied in his childhood for holding other kids accountable to the rules; he likes his peace lily because "its needs are simple." Nicholas' character arc is really concerned with his relationships, from the 1-on-1 level (Janine, Danny) to larger groups (the police team).
In my opinion, this arc also revolves around the struggles associated with having a Strong Sense of Justice. One of many examples: Nicholas' first scene in the pub, when he feels so angry and uncomfortable knowing there are underage drinkers. Compare his expression to how RELAXED he looks after kicking the teens out.
Before my rewatch, I'd forgotten how emotional the movie has Nicholas be about his desire for order. He really be YELLING in so many scenes!! I LOVE IT. In my experience, it can be almost physically painful when you feel there's something Wrong and your sense of justice won't let you be at peace until you address it. I love the way Hot Fuzz handles this, because it treats Angel's pain as legitimate. One of the plots in the movie is Angel moving from an unhappy life to a happier one. These scenes include his frustrations with the enforcement of rules (ie the small stuff like shoplifting and underage drinking). These moments are just as important to his emotional arc as the ones relating to his breakup!
I guess this is why Nicholas is so precious to me as a character. Some autistic people might relate to the experience of getting labeled as boring, rigid, etc for expressing feelings related to a strong sense of justice. For me, getting emotional about rules has been part of the struggle to socialize / "fit in." It's really awesome to see Angel show real distress and anger about these things, and for the movie to take his feelings seriously.
Not only is his sense of justice legitimate, but it's capable of being a positive force --- it's what makes him the person who finally saves the town. It's nothing new to have the idealistic hero save the day, of course. But for me, it hits different when the movie pays so much attention to Nicholas' struggle to balance his social life with his morality. Hot Fuzz doesn't resolve this by saying Nicholas' desire for justice and order is '''naive''' or problematic. He has to develop a healthy way to live with it, yes, and doing so takes effort. However, he doesn't need to erase this part of his personality in order to have good relationships. Instead, his sense of justice becomes part of the fulfilling life he builds for himself in Sanford.
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tiny-sassy-aggressive · 4 months
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I am living blogging my reaction to the second watch through of WDAPTEO 4 bc the first run through was so much
00:00- I screamed when I saw the notif. I was alone in the car. Just pulled up to my apt looked at my phone and screamed “ no way “ I still can’t believe we got it
00:01- hi, they are SO BEAUTIFUL I’m squealing. I cannot stop staring it’s embarassing
00:27 what’s going on here? “Nothing” my heart. The smiles
00:50 oh I am LOVING the feature wall. And fish tank reveal project??
01:00 how dare they throw THAT japhan photo up there like it’s just some example. Who the hell do they think they are- also I want that doomed hoodie :( he is snug as a bug in a rug
01:50 terror not even 2 minute in and crack
02:03 I’m sorry Dan asking Phil about TikTok stuff is precious
02:13(What is cba)
02:39 I CACKLED. Phil’s sarcastic ass omg
02:44 dans little pat
02:58 phivorce
03:05 I know the ft, they are friends of course. But seeing the messages really warms my heart. Like it’s so normal why am I emotional
03:52 of course Phil sends millions of memes
04:10 how in the fuck did Phil catch his phone what??? Ft dans face during the whole interaction.
Ad time —— 04:25. Im sorry Dan looks fucking amazing, his hair is so curled and pretty? And he looks so comfy cozy and soft??? My Dannie side is really coming out rn
04:59 handsome devil, damn straight. Love this man he’s too precious for this world
05:23 🍑
05:55 are the Brits okay??? Bone daddies?? I’m too American for this
06:30 perfectly encapsulated Dan and Phil energy
06:35 Dan saying dude scratches a weird itch in my brain
06:55 again! Totally normal to call a friend in a taxi. But this moment makes them so real in my mind like yes. Call that friend. In that taxi. Make it less awkward. Why did I like this moment so much
07:05 A PRETEND CONVO OF COURSE HE WOULD. He’s so real for that
07:34 “these are very dan and Phil”
07:42 I’m in pain. Koala content and ouch I can’t even put into words
08:44 three days without a text sounds exaggerated. Or lie. Like cmon. All those messages and convos and yall went 3 days without a word?? Sounds fake
08:58 asking what he should do for his nails!!? Again totally normal but UGH I love their friendship
09:01 also Phil coming in with a STELLAR idea, hope to see it happen
09:11 Phil’s a little shit OMG he hated the nails Dan got.
09:38: dans precious little selfies
09:44 also who tf is that that does not look like Dan
09:52 wtf do you mean that they had the same weird Swedish bakery???? 10 years apart???? WHAT THE HELL??????
10:35 fuckin nerds ft cute ft selfie
10:52 Dan in Phil’s glasses hi what the fuck? Precious. Phil loves to take photos of Dan sleeping.
11:02 jump. Scare.
11:28 PHIL CALLED HIS MOM. NURSE LESTER.
12:11 Dan stalking the ring doorbell is not something I expected?
12:20 glad to know Phil and I share that we can’t hear someone saw our name bc it’s too intimate
13:16 ordering a roast dinner is so cute idk why
13:35 jump. Scare.
14:26 I hate them :( i so long for what they have
15:04 they didn’t see death note the musical!! Haters!!!!
15:20 HOT
16:00 Phil papping Dan>>>>>>
16:20 I rewatched this part so many times. Thsi entire sequence. This whole. Dare i say SCENE. Disgustingly familiar. Disgustingly cute. I- karaoke game???? What??? It was for them
17:06 omatone :(
18:22 hot? Worrying? Hmm???
18:45 Phil is so dramatic I love him
19:01 genre to dinner? I don’t get them
19:10 DAAAAAN AHHHHH
19:20 SCRIPTS AH???????3@2/9/@/9@22929 more writer Dan
20:17 this is so familiar
20:50 this has “would you still love me if I was a worm” energy? Can’t explain
22:53 “we dan and phil-ed it” we have to steal that! Asap’
23:24 when Dan sits up he is soooo much taller than Phil but he constantly slumps down and looks up to Phil. It’s very cute to watch.
24:30 oh they are fully embracing the joint channel and slowly moving away from gaming and honestly. I’m alright with it. They look so happy
Guys this was too much. So I just started reading fanfic and these conversations were right out of what I’ve been reading which is very odd tbh? But we were fed. This was amazing content and I can’t wait to see what the writers do with this. Cheers
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wen-kexing-apologist · 2 months
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Hi, can I ask, who are your top 5 (or top 3) seme & uke from your favorite BL media (can be manga/manhwa/danmei/tv series/movies)? Why love them?
Hello! Thank you for the ask, I have been horrendously busy with very good things, so I did not ignore your ask, just have not had time or brain space to answer until now. I’ll be honest with you, I came in to this fandom from BL series with little to no background in yaoi before that, so I am not the most familiar with uke and seme as a concept. But, looking it up gave me the following definitions: 
Uke (受け): The term Uke, in Japanese, literally means "receiver" or "one who receives". In the Yaoi context, Uke is the more passive, submissive, and generally younger or physically smaller character in the relationship.
Seme (攻め): The term Seme, in Japanese, literally means "attacker" or "one who attacks". In the Yaoi context, the Seme is the more dominant, assertive, and usually older or physically larger character in the relationship.
So with those definitions in mind, my five favorite seme and ukes are: 
Masumi and Ritsu- The End of the World with You
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Any one who has not watched this show should stop reading this post and go watch End of the World With You instead. Masumi and Ritsu had such an interesting dynamic and it was really fun to watch the changing in their relationship between college and the apocalypse. 
It felt to me like Masumi was rather stuck on his personality from college, a quiet and reserved person, who could not quite let go of the pain of being betrayed by Ritsu, even though he entered in to a relationship he was warned was not going to be romantic. It was cool to see how Ritsu mellowed out/matured more as an adult, and how that seme style personality was employed within the show in ways that allowed Masumi to forgo filial obligations and allow himself to stay with Ritsu and Yuma on their road trip. 
Vegas and Pete- KinnPorsche 
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Okay, let’s get the more obvious ones out of the way first, before I get to talk about the really juicy ones. But, I fucking love VegasPete. I love them so much, I’d say that it’s just because of my First BL Drama goggles, but I’ve seen this show 15 times now, and just recently rewatched it, with over 120 BLs under my belt, and they still hold strong for me. I just- 
For me, they are so well written. Both the characters as individuals, Pete does tend to serve as a comic relief at the beginning, but even with relatively minimal screen time, they are really able to give him enough depth by the end that the character feels real, feels like he has a life and a history that exist outside of the confines of the story, and that his life history does impact how he operates in the world. I love the way that the narrative really is able to turn Vegas around in to a more wet and pathetic person by the end, so much so that I had a front row seat to watching my friends slowly learn to love him as they watched this show for the first time. 
I’d put Vegas as Pete’s kidnapper, torturer, and captor as the seme in their relationship and Pete as the kidnapped, prisoner, pet, and free therapist as the uke there. Something that I was interested in seeing with The Sign was a BL that was going to cover hypermasculinity, and while I don’t think KinnPorsche is something I would consider hypermasculine, I do think that Vegas and Pete have a very interesting relationship because they both are pretty masc, and therefore they can fight each other, and Pete can give Vegas a run for his fucking money in a fight, while still being able to maintain what I would consider a seme and uke dynamic. 
But ultimately my favorite thing about them is the emotional complexity to their relationship, not whether or not they fit the seme & uke definitions. That scene in Episode 13 when Pete and Vegas fight, and Pete knocks Vegas out and escapes remains one of my favorites in KinnPorsche and sits pretty firmly in my huge assortment of favorite scenes in BL because it was really fun watching those characters navigate the emotional minefield that was captivity, love, hatred, freedom, dehumanization, desperation, violence, and pain. Good shit, at least in my opinion. 
Hira and Kiyo- Utsukushii Kare 
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A trend with some of my favorite seme/uke characters is that they tend to subvert expectations when looked at from just a historically “top” or “bottom” perspective as it relates to seme and uke terminology in yaoi. 
Hira and Kiyoi are one of my favorite seme and uke pairs because Hira and Kiyoi subvert the expectation about who the seme and uke are. My impression of Utsukushii Kare is that Kiyoi is the uke and Hira is the seme, despite the fact that Hira is physically smaller and submissive to Kiyoi. And while I am not well versed in seme/uke tropes in yaoi, @bengiyo is very knowledgeable in the positionality of semes and ukes in Japanese yaoi, and spoke about the positionality of Hira and Kiyoi in Utsukushii Kare in one of the The Conversation Pod episodes where he talked about Hira and Kiyoi constantly being in a battle about placing themselves lower in relation to one another, and who was on the left versus who was on the right. I really love how so much of their own internal relationship fights are really structured around the fact that Kiyoi wants Hira to be on the attack, (and we see that Hira is literally capable of being on the attack when it comes to defending Kiyoi) but in order for that to happen, Hira need to cut the hero worship bullshit and look at Kiyoi like a human being. 
Without a solid understanding of the seme/uke tropes, the positionality, the hair color, etc. I think it is relatively easy to miss that thread in their arguments, I definitely did. Which is fine, because Utsukushii Kare is strongly written and therefore their fights are layered with additional meaning on top so everyone has something to pull from their relationship struggles. But once My Beautiful Man: Eternal came out, we finally got an explicit statement from Kiyoi where he asked Hira if he ever fantasized about being manhandled. Which to me is the most obvious call-out to that aspect of their relationship that we had in the show.  
Also, from just a character perspective, Hira is a little freak and I love him and his ducks, and Kiyoi is just a sweetheart who deserves all of the love in the world. 
Ji Hyun and Jae Won- The Eighth Sense
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That country mouse sure knows what he wants and is willing to die to get that dick so like, there is no way I can’t put Ji Hyun on the list. Massive respect to that little twink, dude joined the surf club when he didn’t know how to swim, drowned, and nearly died so he could bag Jae Won and he did. Similarly to Hira and Kiyoi, I don’t think going in to this show you would quite expect Ji Hyun to be the pursuer in the relationship, but he very quickly lets us all know what is up. And it works so well here because Jae Won as a character spend so much of his time unmoored. He’s passive, he’s quiet, he’s dissociative for, like, 90% of the show, and it is so wonderful to see the ways that Ji Hyun’s repeated advances, both his more subtle attempts and his more blatant are one of few things that are able to get a genuine and happy reaction out of Jae Won. 
I love the moments they shared together in Episode 6; as much as it hurts, I love the way Ji Hyun’s accident so strongly impact Jae Won just to show you how much of a positive impact Ji Hyun’s pursuit has had on his life, I love the places where Ji Hyun’s accident results in Jae Won starting to have a more active (and aggressive) control over his own life; and I love the way that Ji Hyun does not stop trying to give Jae Won as much love as he can send his way. The way Ji Hyun knows to expect Jae Won the second that he sees that Read message appear under the texts he’d sent Jae Won, the way the show is filled with light whenever they are together, the way that Jae Won is more relaxed, and smiles and laughs more easily as a result of receiving all of this love and care from Ji Hyun. 
Their relationship is excellent, Ji Hyun’s horny little ass is excellent, The Eighth Sense is excellent. I love them.  
Wang and Inthawut- 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us
 
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Ok, I don’t know if this is a controversial choice or not, because I would not consider 180 Degree a BL at all. Nor would I ultimately consider Wang and Inthawut’s relationship to be romantic at least by the end of this show. But I do think that a) they fit the seme and uke definitions above super legibly and b) they once again subvert the expectation of which character falls under each role. There has never been a more passive motherfucker in all of the world as Inthawut. Wang is one of the most aggressive pursuers I have ever seen in media, he is assertive, he knows exactly what he wants, he will give it all to Inthawut if it means he gets some goddamn answers from the adults in his life that are too fucking scared to answer any of his questions if it means facing their pasts. 
Was this just an excuse to talk about 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us because it is one of my favorite shows of all time and put me through the emotional wringer? Maybe. But I do think the point still stands that Wang is there trying to give his all to Inthawut, and Inthawut is there desperately fighting with every fiber of his being not to receive anything from Wang. 
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