#i know a lot of people think he would be much less jaded powerless which i get but

[oceanwithouthermoon]

ive never liked powerless saiki aus because the entire conclusion of the series is him accepting his powers as being a part of him that he cant change so like.. in aus where the power remover works, half of his development is erased..

if he had been "powerless" for longer, we wouldve gotten to see him realize this himself and im genuinely sad that we didnt.. we got to see him realize that being powerless wasnt the change he wished it would be and that its something he cant change, but its literally over a two day long period and we miss out on sooo much potential development..

and then in aus where hes born powerless, people think he would have the exact personality and development that he THOUGHT he would if he got rid of/didnt have his powers, like NO ? "without powers he would be another satou-" NO he would be a shy, borderline flamboyant, weird, awkward, genius LOSER.

he would have a more normal relationship with his brother (still probably competitive but in a way more average sibling way and kusuke wouldnt have had the motivation to become so murderous) and he would probably be even more friendless but with less trauma.. he may or may not have ever befriended akechi at all, and the classroom incident wouldnt have happened.. even some of his current friends might not be around if not for coincidences due to his powers or direct involvement from his powers.. (nendo and kaido would for sure still be there though, but this only ensures the idea that he would be the biggest fcking loser ever)

he would still be saiki, but. his powers are a key part of him. he would be totally different without them, but NOT in the way he thinks he would..

#also realistically he would be just as much of a stubborn asshole tsundere without his powers cmon #like yea his anxiety might present itself more as shyness than it does in canon him #but hes still an awkward stubborn asshole tsundere like thats just who the guy is #hes extra shy and maybe extra cute without his abilities to make people not find him cute #and is also like extremely ditzy and clumsy like he is in canon but its more visible to people because he doesnt have the powers to hide it #idk the point is his little quirks he thinks he wouldnt have would still be there but he wouldnt have the same faux justifications for them #need canon saiki to see an alternate universe him where he was born powerless #and hes like 'wow im going to see my ideal average me!' #and then au him is some super quirky ditzy clumsy kid with severe anxiety and also dysphoria #and he doesnt have powers to avoid being bullied like we see him do multiple times #this guy doesnt realize he will always be a loser no matter what #he loses key parts of himself and doesnt even realize that a lot of the parts left behind are still parts of himself that he hates #i know a lot of people think he would be much less jaded powerless which i get but #a lot of aspects of his personality that have less to do with his powers are a lot of the parts that he doesnt like and gets made fun of fo #so he would probably only be slightly less jaded and his awkwardness would just weigh it out a little more #though its hard to pinpoint exactly which aspects of him are only due to his powers #a lot of them are but i personally think those specific key personality traits would remain #anyway i would love to see what his relationship with his family would be like if he was born powerless #and i want to know who his friends would be #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuo #meows post

[thewertsearch]

Ask Comp 25/8

Aw, thank you! Sometimes I actually think I overdo it a little - that my dives are a little too deep. This is how I consume media IRL, though, so if nothing else, it's authentic.

The Battlefield is definitely growing. The spatial warping makes it hard to measure how much it's growing, so it could definitely be exponential, especially if we keep adding higher dimensions.

As for how Jack matches up against Bec - Jack is definitely smarter, but he's also a lot more vulnerable, since losing the Ring will render him powerless. He'd have to be incredibly careful in a fight, especially against someone just as fast as he is.

I still think Bec has the edge, but his victory is far from guaranteed. I totally understand why Jade wouldn't want to risk it.

Imagine what Eridan would have said to a 'lowly greenblood' like Jade.

Yeah, there's no way trolls have therapy.

I hate to say it, but the Alternian version of therapy is probably moirallegiance. You're supposed to rely on this one person to keep you emotionally stable - and if you're not outgoing or charismatic enough to find a moirail, you don't even have that.

Of course, this system has nothing in common with the relationship dynamics of any culture on Earth. We really dodged a bullet there!

Gamzee really leans into the 'court jester' aspect of being a bard. He doesn't take anything seriously, nor is he expected to do so - he's just off to the side, dancing.

Yeah, my prediction is that Vriska is going to use him.

If she can manipulate Tavros into trying to control Jack, she might actually be able to remove his Ring. I speculated that she might use some sort of cheat to gain an advantage in their fight, and I think we may have found it.

He casually controls Becsprite later on, so I don't think he needs their goals to align.

As for why Bec didn't try to save Jade - I think he knew instinctually that someone was going to make him save her, so he didn't need to do it manually. That's Alpha, baby!

I can't tell if I've reached the controversial part, to be honest. Was there discourse about whether Tavros had done anything wrong?

Personally, I think it's hard to argue that he didn't, but other characters have done much worse - and in much more ambiguous scenarios, too.

Lord English is coming, send help plz

Thank you! It's kind of funny actually - I know that Homestuck's irregular update schedule used to drive people mad, but I'm reading it at a similar pace, with similar irregularities, and it really has been a chill experience on my end.

Maybe it's because I'm not participating in the fandom the way live readers were, and therefore, I'm not subject to the weapons-grade hiatus brain that Cat has war stories about.

Poor Kanaya - she really knows how to pick 'em. Rose is definitely less stressful to crush on than Vriska, though.

I recently saw this quote for the first time in a while. Excited to learn which of the comic's several thousand plot points it's referencing.

@spyril4132 asked: i have seen this in my youtube recommendations and must now share [s] descend but with silvagunner's high quality nuclear rip - YouTube

Legitimately amazing, and perfectly timed.

For anyone doesn't know about Silvagunner, please take a dip down this rabbit hole.

I do wonder how she's getting physical details about the Sun. Isn't it, like, fully outside of conventional reality?

Maybe the Sun is physically real, despite being in an unreal location. Technically, that's also the case with sessions.

I do like the 'music player' metaphor from an earlier ask. You don't necessarily have to use discs - a cassette player is also a good choice, or maybe an older variety of music box.

If you want to stretch the symbolism a little, your Time Player could wield something really kooky, like an iPod Nano, MIDI keyboard, or analog radio.

(Sally the Time Player would wield Rhythm Heaven for the Nintendo DS.)

It's been years since I've watched Primer, actually. I remember enjoying it, but I don't recall enough to give a proper review. Rewatch time!

Yeah, the rules for Captcha codes are all over the place. This example implies that they hold the general idea of an object, without any 'corruption' - but when John's Ghost Dad poster was defaced, its code did change.

The implication, I guess, is that defacing a poster counts as changing its nature, but spilling oil on a pogo ride does not. It's weird.

It is odd that it's marketed as a beta. Sburb and Sgrub seem almost identical, the latter's bifurcated session notwithstanding.

The human session failed, yes - but it failed due to manipulation, sabotage, and a generous helping of terrible luck. If Gamzee prototyped one of his clown posters, Jack's regicide could just as easily have happened in Sgrub.

All that said - when it comes to software development, I'd trust Sollux over Grandpa any day. If one of those games is more stable, it's Sgrub.

Alright, that one's actually pretty great lmao

#asks #full liveblog #act 5.2

[13eyond13]

is light’s real personality the one we see when he’s not Kira? or is he still acting albeit less, by then?

Yes, in the behind the scenes book we were told that Yotsuba arc Light (aka Light without his Kira memories) is meant to show us what his personality was like normally when he wasn't caught up in the power and ambition he had as an owner of a notebook. Light seems concerned with keeping things fair and as morally sound as possible during this arc, and refuses to manipulate people or break the law if he can ever help it, even when L often presents it as an ideal method for getting things done. He's just as clever and hardworking as when he is Kira, but much less conniving and mean-spirited and playful, and he has a strong moral code that seems heavily based on what he's learned to view as right and wrong under Sachiko and Soichiro's parenting. He often mirrors Soichiro in this arc and is shown sharing nearly identical values and stances with his father, which are usually very much at odds with the more dubious morals and unconventional methods that L brings to the table in this arc. Essentially, Light goes from mirroring L's more pragmatic, manipulative, underhanded mind games style of operating (when he's Kira) to mirroring Soichiro's more straightforward rigid moral compass style of operating (when he loses his Kira memories). Which confuses L a lot.

Something I find different about Light at the very beginning of the story and Light without his Kira memories is that he's quite a bit more serious and straitlaced during the handcuffs period than he initially came off to me at the very beginning of the manga. The anime also depicted pre-notebook Light as super serious, being fairly standoffish with his peers, and he was seen brooding over the sorry state of the world initially, seemingly almost depressed. But I always prefer to go by the manga for characterization. In the manga he was definitely shown to be cocky and bored and secretly jaded, very dutiful and serious about his work, and highly idealistic about how he thought the world should actually be. But to me manga!Light seemed to be a fairly social and relaxed person with a definite sense of humour in the beginning of the story, which makes a bit of a contrast to how he comes off in the Yotsuba arc.

However, I think this change in manga!Light's seriousness between the beginning and when he loses his memories also makes sense, because we also have to remember that his circumstances have drastically changed between the beginning of the story and when he's handcuffed to L. Light believes himself to be truly innocent during the Yotsuba arc, and he's very concerned with proving his innocence to L and helping L catch the real Kira so he can clear his name. He's in super stressful circumstances during this period where he is living with zero privacy 24/7 chained to a person who is trying to prove he is a mass murderer (and who already confined him for a super long time and had his father fake execute him); and he knows that if L finds he's guilty it will bring enormous horror and shame upon himself and his family, and he will very likely be put to death for his crimes. Innocent!Light's therefore always trying to be on his best behaviour, but he is really stuck between a rock and a hard place, because the better he is at helping L the more suspicious of him L usually gets. But then if he refuses to help L he also ends up looking pretty suspicious as well. 😅 I manage to sympathize with Light in this arc even though he's actually guilty because he seems like a pretty decent person in most ways when he isn't obsessed with the notebook, and imagining it from his POV when he really thinks he's innocent that constant stress and powerless feeling would absolutely suck. I don't really blame Light for losing his temper with L a couple times in this arc, but I also appreciate and don't blame L for the stubborn suspicions he continues to have about Light.

All that being said, I personally think the notebook brings out parts of Light that were potentially in him all along, and that the power of it corrupts him because it gives him a way and a reason to tap into sides of himself he wouldn't have had otherwise. So in this sense I think his personality is kinda always his "true" one, no matter if he has the notebook and his memories currently or not.

#death note #light yagami #l lawliet #soichiro #meta #ask #anon #p

[manggaetteokkie]

Why 2HA adaptation might not be as bad as we think...

Okay so BL novel “The Husky and His White Cat Shizun” (chinese title: “二哈和他的白猫师尊”) aka 2HA is getting a live adaption which will be called “Immortality” (“皓衣行”). I know that usually, fans of original works are less than excited about this kinds of news and with good reasons. The issue is that those who buy the IP rights to a novel simply see its popularity and think that they can profit off of it without actually trying to understand the reason behind its popularity. Too often, BL fans see themselves forced to endure any of the following: 1) sex change of one of the male leads, 2) creation of a random female love interest, 3) turning a happy end into a bad end, 4) adding a bunch of scenes unrelated to our main pair that ends up dragging the series, 5) turning romance into brotherly affection... the list goes on and on. Sometimes, companies think that as long as they film any two guys together and sell a bit of physical touching here and there, fans will jump on it like rabid dogs which... is kinda stupid because, y’know, we have eyes (and standards) too.

So obviously, with the unprecedented popularity that came with the release of The Untamed, even more producers are starting to see the potential of danmei (BL) novels and with it came an onslaught of IP rights being bought and adapted. The list is pretty extensive, with some big names that I’m sure anyone who’s even slightly in the Chinese BL novel community has heard of before. Of course, included in that list, with the casting for the leads done and filming underway, is 2HA.

Quick overview of the story for those of you that don’t know: the story is set in the POV of the “gong” (top), a character named Mo Ran (also known as Mo Weiyu) who is the disciple of Chu Wanning, the “shou” (bottom) of our story. In his original life, Mo Ran had become the Emperor of the cultivation world through slaughter and tyranny, with the only one ever coming close to stopping him being his shizun, Chu Wanning, who eventually lost his life trying to stop him. After achieving the top by committing pretty much all crimes and sins known to men, weary and tired, Mo Ran decides to take his own life and ends it all. Unexpectedly, instead of dying and going to Hell, he transmigrated to the first year he became a disciple. As a thirty-something man in the body of a teen, he decides to do things right this time around and save the one he couldn’t save the first time around. As he goes through life a second time, truth after truths reveal themselves, with the biggest surprise being that the Shizun he hated so much in his previous life, and who Mo Ran thought hated/scorned him, actually turned out to be protecting him the entire time. 

Mo Ran, in his past life, was powerful, cruel, merciless and arrogant. There was nothing he could not obtain and he knew it. He was cynical, had a very jaded view of the world and was kind of unstable (lots of mood swings and temper tantrums). After his rebirth, he still maintained some of the arrogance and cynicism, but is more mischievous, confident and cheeky. He is very much like a husky, looks kind of scary and big, but can be extremely loyal to the ones he recognizes and can be a bit dumb sometimes. Chu Wanning on the other hand, is an unflappable person with a frost-like exterior, but a heart of gold. Basically, he cares a lot but it’s easier for him to look like he doesn’t than to voice his feelings. He gets embarrassed easily and covers his embarrassment using anger. He is extremely strong, likes peace and quiet, and always abides by the rules. 

Their relationship is kind of complicated. Initially, Mo Ran was in love with a fellow disciple called Shi Mei (despite the word meaning junior female disciple in Chinese, it’s actually the name of a male character). In the original timeline, Shi Mei died and that was the start of Mo Ran’s decline. After his rebirth, Mo Ran decides that he will do everything in his power to prevent Shi Mei from dying again. Don’t be mistaken though, Shi Mei is NOT the male lead. You’ll see as you read more that despite being in love with Shi Mei, Mo Ran is pretty obsessed with Chu Wanning because their relationship was kind of... complicated in the original timeline.

This is pretty much the premise for the story, but do be warned that it goes much deeper and darker than what you might expect (it’s rated R-18 for a reason). So why exactly am I writing all of this? To put it simply, I just kind of want to hype up the series and its adaptation a little, or at least, pique enough interest to give the live action adaptation a chance. Not gonna lie, when I heard 2HA was getting adapted, I was pretty skeptical because how. Mo Ran and Chu Wanning had a pretty physical relationship in the pre-rebirth timeline and that’s partially where the obsession that Mo Ran feels towards Chu Wanning stems from. There’s just basically a lot of unresolved sexual tension between them throughout the novel that I simply couldn’t see getting adapted. However, after thinking about it and reevaluating things from a low-expectations-standpoint, I think it might actually be possible to film something close enough to the original work. Here are some of the factors that influenced my opinion:

First, the series is set to air for 50 episodes (just like The Untamed). Why is the number of episodes important? Because it will determine how closely the adaptation will follow the original story and how much random stuff they can fit into it. Let’s take a step back and evaluate: 2HA’s novel has 311 chapters + extras while MDZS has 113 + extras. Obviously, people might have an issue with the number of episodes (”How are you going to air the same amount of episodes for a series that’s thrice as long??”) but I think it’s a good amount. Why? Because it pretty much guarantees a solid pacing that’ll keep the story moving forward without stagnating. I don’t think there is too much to worry in terms of too much source material being cut because quite a few chapters are R-18/romantic lining scenes that would not have gotten adapted anyways. Once those get deleted, I think 50 episodes is an acceptable amount.

Second, the entire production seems to be solid. The rights were actually bought by Tencent who, if you forgot, was also responsible for The Untamed. With prior success, I believe that they now have a pretty solid idea of how things should be run. Also, the CGI and world-design team is the same one as for Ashes of Love, which has me pretty stoked because while CG in chinese dramas has always been a hit or miss, Ashes of Love is definitely amongst some of the best I’ve seen (see below for examples). (P.S. there are also rumours that Lin Hai, the one responsible for The Untamed’s OST, might be working on 2HA but this is mere speculation at this point.) Overall, 2HA is looking to be like the most high-profile and expensive BL adaption yet.

Third and finally, the casting.

Holy.

Okay.

This is what has me the most hyped. 

Let’s start with Shi Mei, who will be portrayed by actress Chen Yao (or Sebrina Chen).

I know I’ve said that despite the name, Shi Mei is a male. As it turns out, likely for censorship reasons, “Immortality” could not escape from the clutches of the dreaded sex change so they went ahead and turned him into a girl. While not ideal, in my opinion, it actually works out pretty nicely here. In this case, it means that Mo Ran is in love with a female character which would further draw censorship’s attention away from the fact that Mo Ran really has a thing for his beautiful shizun. While it would have been perfect if everything could go according to source material, the fact that it’s Shi Mei that went through a sex change actually works pretty favourably in the grand scheme of things. Not to mention the actress set to play Shi Mei has some good experience acting similar roles so overall, I say that I trust her.

Next, we have Chu Wanning who will be played by Luo Yunxi (or Leo Luo).

For this character, I have no worries whatsoever. If you’re unfamiliar with this actor, I highly recommend you give Ashes of Love a try. He played the 2nd lead and ugh. He’s so good at playing beautiful and elegant characters that are forced to undergo a ton of suffering and pain. Luo Yunxi used to be a professional ballet dancer so he moves with grace and his fight scenes are amazing to watch. Also, he has great control over his facial expressions. He’s able to act out characters that suffer a lot without making them seem weak or powerless. Even the way he cries can be considered both beautiful and heartbreaking.

Finally, we have Mo Ran who will be portrayed by Chen Feiyu (or Arthur Chen).

Mo Ran is an extremely complex character. From pre-rebirth’s insanity and arrogance, to post-rebirth’s hope and reservation, to post-revelation’s love and devotion, the actor’s going to have a lot on his plate. Originally, when I first googled him, I thought that while he’d manage to pull off post-rebirth teen!Mo Ran fairly well given how clean and refreshing his face looks, he’d have a harder time pulling off pre-rebirth’s arrogance, craziness and general “hardness”. However, after seeing some costume designs and makeup edits, I think that the boy might just pull it off. Also, while the actor is nowhere near as solid as Luo Yunxi is, it seems that he’s willing to put in extra time and effort (as seen by his Weibo post about how he’d been studying the source material) to make up for it. I think that with enough dedication, he might just be able to pull it off.

(Psssst! By the way, keeping this strictly between you and me, another reason why I’m such a fan of this pair is because of the height difference. I mean just look at this?? Their height difference is pretty much bang on with the novel height difference after Mo Ran grew past Chu Wanning’s height. Not to mention, don’t tell me you see this and don’t automatically picture a the big dorky puppy following his reserved and cool master around?)

So yeah, all of this just to say that it might be okay to kind of have some expectations for 2HA. I really want to keep my own expectations down as low as possible given the amount of times we’ve been burned but I want to remain hopeful that, with the success of The Untamed, it can pave the way for better and more faithful danmei adaptations, with 2HA being one of them.

#the husky and his white cat shizun #二哈和他的白猫师尊 #2ha #immortality #皓衣行 #haoyixing #luo yunxi #chen feiyu #chen yao #leo luo #arthur chen #sebrina chen #chu wanning #mo ran #mo weiyu #long post #talking with zb

[vaguely-concerned]

Some more mass effect andromeda thinky thoughts as I run around heleus getting some achievements! 

- the murderous angaran ai is genuinely so fucking funny. “How are you feeling here on Aya?” “I hope you die” “Is there anything we could do to make you more comfortable?” “BURY THIS PLANET UNDER FIRE AND ASH” “o.oookay. Goodbye then.” “I HATE you.”

- I hope I never become irresistibly moved to write mass effect andromeda fic b/c there really is no other description for a good 70% of the expressions reyes makes than :> and how could one capture that in words

- as mentioned I’ve been doing a bit of achievement hunting and in the process I’ve been switching up a lot of gameplay stuff from how I handled it the first few times around and let me tell you it’s baller as fuuuuuuuuuck -- it just looks so awesome and is so satisfying between the maneuverability of the jetpack and biotic charge and the effects. special shoutout to what happens if you biotic charge a frozen victim enemy and the biotic pull/push combination. (throwing people around like ragdolls is actually so much fun I’ve kept doing it even after I unlocked the achievement lol)

- lol lol when you get meridian online there’s the montage of every planet coming back to life, right? well the one on kadara is from inside kralla’s song, with umi looking out at everything that’s happening. and all I can imagine is her jaded-ass voice going ‘what the fUCK did that asshole kid do now I only just cleaned up after the bar brawl he started with his krogan grandpa and now he’s rearranging the entire fucking planet right from under us goddess I need a drink’ 

- the implication that reyes ‘cards so close to my chest you won’t even know I’m playing’ vidal just does not shut up about how amazing ryder is to anyone who’ll listen gives me so much life. when you try to be mysterious and laidback but the human pathfinder is so fucking cute tho Y____Y (also go watch his scenes if you’re being standoffish with him the entire time -- he clearly wants ryder to like him so much right from the beginning, he’s doing so much work to no avail and I feel sort of bad for how funny I find it haha. interesting that it really does seem to be an emotional thing as well as y’know the practical/tactical benefits of having the pathfinder on his side. methinks the charlatan might be a bit lonely there behind all his masks lol) 

I think this is why I’m willing to give him some benefit of the doubt too, despite all the cloak and dagger stuff -- he’s so immediately drawn to ryder, who you can never make a bad person, really. something in him must respond to that, if potentially only in the ‘attracted to traits I do not possess myself’ way hahaha

- I love sam. so so much. some of the open world implementation is still grating (yes sam. yes I know I can mine this area for resources through my mining interface. we’ve been doing this for a hundred hours sam. you’ve been right here with me the entire time sam. please sam), but he’s SUCH a good and I’d argue underutilized concept (emotionally at least) and the best boy. the fact that he can get SARCASTIC on you fsdhfjsadh he’s growing and learning! he’s doing so from inside your brain which is kind of unsettling but also SO COOL! there’s something about that level of intimacy, of always knowing there will be someone there with you in your head that is super interesting and deserves to be examined more fully -- both how it could be comforting and how it’s  r e a l l y  not how people or ai are generally designed to work lol. 

he also gives us a unique link with our dad and I wonder if the writers would have explored that in more depth if there’d been more development time -- it practically SCREAMS out an invitation to get to play/see things from alec’s POV in short bursts, like the memories you unlock except you could go through playing it as him since sam is common to both of us. (see my ‘our dad comes back through either kett or remnant nonsense in the sequel and we need to find some way to connect with him’ idea. it would be. amazing. listen alec already looked at the ethical guidelines involved in creating ai and went ‘huh interesting ideas but not for me thanks!’, don’t tell me he wouldn’t have left some loophole in so this could happen)  

- reyes literally says ‘the cavalry’s here’ when we get to meridian and I for one love him more than words can express (he also asks us if we’re okay in sort of a sweet/worried way right before we get to the control room. aw buddy) 

- like we don’t think of them like that because we’re in control of them and see all the stumbles and awkwardness and how young they are all the time, but damn the ryder twins must look like something else to everyone in andromeda haha. they literally stride around like demigods restoring entire planets. on voeld spring non-metaphorically follows in their footsteps. shit dude if we’re talking realpolitik here the angara must feel  p r e t t y nervous about this -- there’s no one saying they can’t turn off the vaults as easily as they turned them on. I hope we get them somehow teaching the angara how to do it too, on a smaller scale at least, as a show of good faith or something in a sequel, because that power imbalance is disconcerting  

- I’m glad sam and I have such similar priorities whenever we’re on kadara. ‘maybe mr vidal would know. perhaps we should ask mr vidal about this. mr vidal said something relating to this pathfinder maybe we should speak to him’ . yeah sam i know the feeling, same (it does undeniably read as sam having a bit of a crush which is. hilarious?) 

- the fact that alec ryder thought ellen responded to his bad boy act in any way when what really charmed her was that he was a great big nerd <3 it’s kind of nice to see a fictional marriage that seems to have just been. nice and stable and chill? just two intellectual equals who like and respect each other very much and not a lot of drama until alec went full alec and started developing rogue ai instead of watching his wife die lol. again I would love for the sequel to involve ellen finally waking up and being like ‘death? trying to claim MY husband? I do not think so, I can die he can’t he’s not leaving me behind’ and helping out and you realize that the reason they were soulmates was that under the relatively rational and unemotional surface they’re both, at heart, batshit crazy mad scientists who are insanely devoted to each other. imagine it tho! the people of andromeda realize alec ryder is back from the dead somehow and doing some Shit out there, they put a ton of resources into curing ellen’s disease because their best shot is something to do with the implants she made, hey presto we’ve got all ryders on the board and in play. 

- just want to make it clear that I’m still sad about avitus rix and hope he’s having a good day

- do you think ryder ever asks sam to read something to him ‘aloud’ in his head if he’s anxious and can’t sleep. or just to talk at him about something boring until he nods off. again the possibilities inherent in the concept!!! he has someone who’s closer to him than any other person could be, what’s that like? 

- *me sticking to my sidewinder pistol the whole playthrough even though it’s laughably inefficient* I just wanna feel like a cowboy bioware please work with me here

- the male ryder voice actor has such amazing comedic timing, there’s a lot of reaction stuff out in the field he absolutely nails. I enjoy the female voice too and I like how much emotion she manages to convey towards the end of the game especially, but there’s a casual comedy in male ryder’s voice that can’t be beat. (well, it’s not hawke levels, but then nothing ever is, that’s too much to ask)

- I love vorn and kesh so much. nerd krogans unite & make out

- I still want to sit peebee down and have a long serious talk with her about emotional abuse, maybe give her a hug :( fuck kalinda 

- this game does not get enough credit for how stunningly beautiful it is, it all got buried under criticism about the animations and it’s a fucking shame. the last few vaults you go through are just mindboggling in scale and visual uh striking-ness. it makes me so sad to think there won’t be any more of it D: 

- I really like this mainly casual + logical dialogue options ryder I’ve found; it makes him sound like a younger and more irreverent version of his father, but also softer and less closed off and much more willing to show affection for his family especially. 

- i wonder if different people’s individual SAMs will take on a certain tone/unique pattern when they’ve coexisted long enough. have I mentioned. how much I want a sequel to this game 

- one last reyes note because don’t look at me okay -- I wonder how much we’re meant to read into ‘being honorable never got me anywhere’. on the one hand I’m fully prepared to believe he’s never even tried doing anything the honorable way in his entire life lol but on the other there’s also some interesting potential in the interplay of that sentence and ‘to be someone’. (there seems to be a deep fear in him both of powerlessness and of being truly seen/recognized -- he equates secrecy with safety pretty explicitly -- which seems... telling? of what I don’t know but telling all the same hahaha) like he might be saying he’s tried doing things the ‘right’ way and it didn’t work and the price was too high, so he just went for this instead with the ends low-key justifying the means. hmmm. :Ia (this is what happens when I get Attached to a character with like an hour of screentime my friends, and I’m already primed to give my entire heart away at the sound of nicholas boulton’s voice)

#mass effect #mass effect andromeda #I'm sorry about this my brain just won't shut up about this suddenly so here we go #reyes vidal #meta

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #183

UPDATE 183: Narrative Takeover

Last time everything went wrong for so many characters. John’s fight with Caliborn went awry, Jane’s plan to seduce Jake didn’t work because he kept thinking of Dirk, and Dave and Karkaroni’s political strategy meeting got derailed by Jade deciding it was a good time for romantic overtures. So now let’s continue.

So, now that they have been dumped in middle of the chaos that’s destroying all the known existence and reality, John checks the situation. Lord English is up there, in front of the black hole, seemingly impervious to its strong absorbing effect.

Unlike his younger form, his eyes aren’t flickering wildly. They’re locked in place, an eight ball in each socket.

If I remember correctly from the booklet about pool I read like six years ago when I started playing pool for fun, the eighth ball is the last one you must sink, so I’d say it indicates it’s endgame. I think it also had happened in Arc 7. Symbolism!

Tavros is over there, leading an army, Vriska is nowhere to be seen and presumably is very dead, and Meenah was supposed to be going away, I think? Anyway, it’s fight time! Everyone already has their weapons at the ready – all the weapons that are supposed to hit Lord English pretty hard – and Rose tries to remind them what exactly their plan is. She barely gets a single word out before she’s dead.

But Rose doesn’t get to finish what she was trying to say. Lord English’s mouth roars open and a wave of energy blasts through your group. Rose is the only one caught in it. She dissolves in slow motion. You can see the outline of her body in shadow. One arm thrown up over her eyes, shoulders pulled up defensively, cape billowing out behind her. She leaves an afterimage of shimmering light in her wake and then dissipates, drifting apart like a handful of salt tossed out to sea. You can almost hear the cosmic clock counting down, tick tock, and a chime to accompany her fate: Heroic.

This fight lasted like three seconds before it all looked grim as heck for John and friends. This is going to wreck everyone’s morale and ruin whatever effective plan they had, as I really doubt Rose was supposed to stand aside and let everybody else act. They’re so doomed.

As if to underscore how screwed they are, Jade tries to use her powers and finds out the black hole up there is where the green sun used to be. It made Lord English vulnerable, but she’s powerless now too. Whooops. Kind of a big oversight. How didn’t John or Future Rose foresee that detail? It’s kind of important!

With that, two of the four are now dead and they haven’t gotten started for real. Dave is trying to cut Lord English with the cueball sword, John is...standing around, I suppose, until he snaps out of it and surrounds Lord English with wind, capturing him until he tries to smash his skull with the hammer. Lord English eats the hammer. I’m...okay, I didn’t see that coming. I appreciate the move a lot. John can’t do much else because his glasses are broken, so he can’t see well at all. Good thing Meenah is around now! What a lifesaver!

Time to assess the situation and check how badly things have turned in...like a minute or so. As I always say: a minute is quite a long time in a fight!

Ghostly Tavros and another one of John��s hammers join the list of casualties, Meenah deciding to go in for the kill. Not unless you turn into Dave, gal! Not that Dave is faring much better, he’s trying to harm Lord English but he’s way too fast, even for Dave, who is no slouch in the agility department. That’s incredibly quick, and he’s not fueled by the green sun right now. Everything is awful for the heroes here!

Meenah is launched away and I can only guess she’s dead, because in this scenario being thrown away is kind of fatal due to the huge black hole up there. Dave is under Lord English’s foot, John barely saves him by throwing more hammer at Lord English for him to eat, and tries to set up a hammer barrier to prepare that silly thing he made with the legendary Zillyhoo and Vriska’s dice. If they need a lucky hit they sure need it now!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < waaaaaaaaaaaait

...oooooooh no. I had completely forgotten this existed. Hey, what’s new? Will you be able to defeat Lord English? At least Dave is reacting with horror, which is the right reaction when you see a copy of yourself that was merged with a cat. Davepetasprite is being inspirational, trying to psyche up Dave, and it works!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i know it looks pawful right now but we can do it

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in fact were literally the only ones who can do it

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < after all

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it is our destiny B33

You also are the last three people left here, so I don’t think it’s much about destiny at this point.

Somehow, between the three of them they manage to do real damage on this monster. John’s hitting him with hammers even if Lord English keeps eating them, Dave slashes and actually gets blood, and Davepeta scratches with the claws. The cycle continues, Lord English almost eats John’s favorite hammer, just that this time he almost gets John himself. Well then. This story is truly something.

Apparently John got injured with Lord English’s teeth or something, because he’s bleeding heavily. I swear, if John dies because he got bitten by Lord English I’m going to be astonished, because that was never a cause of death I imagine would ever happen.

You lift your chin and see it: Lord English’s gold tooth cracked off at the base and embedded in your chest. It must be stuck between two of your ribs, you think, because it hurts like a bitch when you try to breathe.

Oof, you’re in big trouble! When you have something embedded into you you really shouldn’t take it out unless you’re in a professional’s hands, so it’s pretty likely John will have that tooth embedded into him for quite a while. Dave isn’t doing too badly, managing to stab Lord English with the cueball sword up the hilt, unfortunately leaving him vulnerable to Lord English’s maw. Oh god, he has tasted human blood, everyone run! Too late for Dave, though, he gets his head bitten off.

Won’t lie, that’s pretty brutal as far as deaths go. Damn!

Obviously this enrages Davepeta, who grabs Lord English and flies up to the black hole, dragging him along. That was an option? Maybe it’d have been great to have done that much earlier, before Dave died. Really would have been nice.

The black hole—the gaping, implacable, cosmic embodiment of the dead cherub, his long-departed sister—finally welcomes Lord English home.

English and Davepeta are sucked in with a subatomic whimper. The reunion sends shock waves across the pitiful remains of Paradox Space. And then everything is wholly, utterly, and categorically silent. It’s over. Lord English is dead.

Ding dong, the witch is dead. Somehow it’s done! Excellent! Now, here comes opinions about this whole sequence.

To be perfectly honest, this left a lot to be desired. The least of my complaints is the length – for a climactic fight it’s a little bit short. Which isn’t really a problem here, given this isn’t Homestuck anymore, it’s the epilogue. The fight not getting focus is fine and dandy, honestly. I’m actually surprised we got a fight at all.

What I will complain about, though, is that for something that pretty much only Davepeta got to do something worthwhile. It feels like pretty much everyone else who intervened, both alive and dead, were there just to die. It’s pretty disappointing, really. I think I’d have been okay with that if they at least had managed to do something before dying.

Curiously enough, if this had been incorporated into the story, characters dying so fast would have been less bad. I’d say this being part of epilogues is what makes this be treated differently to how it’d be otherwise. But yeah, Lord English is dead, and there’s plenty of epilogue left. I suppose that means the political stuff is what’ll fill the rest of the epilogue in this route, no?

You collapse against whatever is passing for the floor at this moment of utterly null corporeal conditions surrounding you. It doesn’t feel possible. You’re not sure you can even trust your perception well enough to believe it. But it seems to be over. You’ve convinced yourself of this truth well enough to allow yourself to exhale. Enough to allow yourself to suddenly acknowledge the agony coursing through your body, emanating from the gold tooth lodged in your chest. Enough to allow yourself to succumb to the overwhelming urge to sleep.

He’s so dead. And so, all the Wonderkids are dead, total party kill. They tried and they succeeded, mostly thanks to a timely intervention by what turned out to be the best sprite just for killing Lord English, and now they’re all dead. I’m pretty sure by now this makes Homestuck qualify as a Greek tragedy.

Ah, there’s the conversation Rose and Dirk are going to have. She starts by talking about that novel she wrote in her diaries, the ones about wizards. She feels the story as written by the adult Rose Dirk knew from his original world didn’t have as much passion as she did when she wrote the original draft in her journals. Maybe! When you write something for a widespread public, you have to kill a liiiiittle of your own passion to tailor it for a wider audience. It’s a cynical thought, I admit, but I believe I’m right.

ROSE: Anyway, my point is that I’ve long suspected my story was a pre-manifestation of my Seer of Light powers. I was seeing beyond my universe into another.

Doesn’t sound farfetched to me, I must say. It’s possible that, from her early ages, she was unconsciously starting to tap onto the many powers and abilities that come with her title and role. I mean, Mom Lalonde was there, and I believe in her own way she’d help pave the way for the kids to achieve what was needed to triumph. She may have done something, inadvertently or not, that led to Rose writing her novel in a fit of inspiration. Who knows. Certainly not me, and it’s such a minuscule point in the vast net of Homestuck I doubt it’ll be ever touched.

I hadn’t noticed until now that in the end a total of twelve players had crossed the door into the new universe. Fun number for that. Also, Terezi’s name is among them, so she did get to the new universe after all. What happened to her?

All these numbers may or may not have significance. Hah! Well it depends on what kind of author writes the story. Given it’s Hussie, well, I’m inclined towards thinking there’s some significance. Whether the reader will find out about it is an entirely different manner, of course.

Of course Dirk has given his current situation a lot of thought, he even has theories about what’s it. I’m listening, pal, enlighten me about this new plotline.  

DIRK: I mean, some of us have stopped using our powers completely. Not a whole lot of need for emergency resurrections or complex timeline manipulation on a planet that’s never had a conflict more serious than a sportsball riot or a rumpled hat shortage.

DIRK: But even aside from how often they’re used...

DIRK: Some powers don’t lend themselves to the infinite expansion of one’s mind, the way ours do.

ROSE: I see.

ROSE: So what you’re saying is, it’s more a matter of one’s aspect than it is whether one’s powers are practiced further, or allowed to atrophy.

DIRK: Yep.

So it all depends on the power. It’s not like everyone’s going to start suffering this too, it seems to be limited to what aspect it is. Perhaps Jade and Dave would go through this too? Other than them, I’m not sure anyone else would.

ROSE: In that case, perhaps Terezi had the right idea.

ROSE: Getting away from this place, I mean.

ROSE: Maybe I was a fool for imagining I could settle down here.

Ah, so that’s what happened to Terezi. She left. Maybe she had a feeling things wouldn’t go well, it does make sense she’d be feeling the awfulness Dirk and Rose feel right now. With her Mind aspect, it does make sense she would. Where’d she go, though? Is she a nomad around the world or something?

Dirk’s taking this easier than most would because he’s used to multitasking. Ah, right, he did have his dreamself and his realself, dealing with both must have given him some practice. Still, two is nowhere close to the infinity of everything, so I’m skeptic it’s as good of a training as he says it was.

ROSE: I’m caught in the liminal space between reality and reverie, where people once believed demons dwelled. But the only reason the demon is still sitting on my chest is because I refuse to banish it. All it would take is looking directly at it.

ROSE: I’m forcing myself to stumble through my life as a sleepwalker. All this pain and sorrow could go away if I would just allow myself to wake up.

DIRK: Then why don’t you?

ROSE: Because I’m not sure that the person opening her eyes will be me.

Brings to mind that about us being someone’s dream and, when that someone wakes up, it’s all over. It’s the kind of thing that brings existential crisis when you think about it too hard, isn’t it? So, if Rose here’s experiencing something similar, she’s not going to have a good time because she’s the kind of person who thinks a lot. Nobody should be jealous of these two, that’s awful.

Dirk, in what’s unusually close to sympathy, crouches and takes off his sunglasses, looking straight at Rose’s eyes. He admits he’s a very flawed person and shouldn’t be always right, and that he knows all about his own flaws.

Rose’s eyes have grown distant, almost mirrorlike. Dirk can see himself reflected in her vacant stare.

ROSE: All the pieces in their place.

ROSE: The mechanisms all running smoothly.

She says this in a hollow tone. It’s the disarming voice a puppeteer ventriloquizes for a marionette.

...okaaaay, something happened. If I’m understanding this and the next few sentences correctly, Dirk pretty much took over Rose. I don’t know why, he just did. Althoooough...hm. It’s still early. Maybe the reasons will be revealed later. But hey, you can’t say this was predicted! Also, if I had to guess, the moment Rose was taken over was when he took off his sunglasses. It just makes sense, really.

Whyyyy is the text turning orange. Dirk, are you taking over the narration?

Yup, he did, and he’s addressing the reader. He sounds pretty bitter there are readers, and brags about he can make the reader’s perspective change and turn into a character’s perspective. No complaints from me for you doing that, really, be my guest.

But I haven’t revealed myself to you just to boast about the abilities arising from the gradual obliteration of the constraints on my consciousness. I’ve only taken a moment to answer a few questions. Not ones I heard you ask—because again, you are nonspecific and therefore do not matter—but ones I imagined you asking. And by imagining these questions, they became less fake, and as such, demanded similarly non-fake answers. No, in truth, the time has come to make my presence known in order to start bringing my plans to fruition. It’s time to get down to fucking business.

Eh. Sounds to me like Dirk wants to ramble and wants an excuse to do so, even if he has to make that excuse himself. Golly, pal, you have free control of the narrative. Ramble all you want, go ahead.

To continue the narrative, John has to wake up and does so. I suppose he being sleepy and exhausted after the fight was just he being sleepy and exhausted instead of being borderline dead because of blood loss. Dirk forces the narrative to make John apologize to no one for everything that happened in the battle, and it’s all so heavy-handed even John notices something’s going on with his head. Dirk, you’re not doing a very good job at being subtle.

Suddenly you remember: Lord English’s tooth is still embedded in your chest. You panic, wrap your hands around the base, and give it a little tug. It’s excruciating. The tooth makes an awful grating sound as it grinds along one of your ribs. You gasp and lose your grip, biting the inside of your mouth so hard that you taste blood.

Can’t blame you for trying, but I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Without someone to administer proper medical care, you’ll bleed to death pretty much instantly.

Yeah, exactly! Not that there’s anyone to administer proper medical care in the middle of literal nowhere, so he’ll have to transport himself somewhere else before he touches that tooth any further. Where’s John, anyway? Is he still lying around underneath the black hole? Did he zap himself somewhere else?

On the other hand, the tooth is poisoned. So you’re pretty much fucked either way, and that’s really all there is to say on the matter.

Oh. That’s a thing now? Well then, guess you’re screwed, John. Thanks for everything, have a nice death. I suppose it would count as a heroic death because he received that fatal wound fighting someone who was obliterating reality, so being revived isn’t an option, I suppose.

John wanders around for a very long time, depressed and feeling pretty awful, until he sees Dad Egbert’s wallet. It’s a coincidence to find it anywhere in the infinite expanse of reality! John opens the wallet, aaaaand...end page! Quick, make a distraction and go check some other place. It’s the usual Homestuck style, so that’s what happens.

Jade’s explaining Dave and Karkaroni’s political ambitions to Roxy and Calliope, once again using the terms ‘neoliberal austerity measures’. I’m still unsure what that’s supposed to mean, but whatever it is makes Roxy groan, no doubt because she has heard about said measures too much already. They’re bad, and Karkaroni’s underdog populism is the counter to those, she argues. Give him a chance! Unfortunately for Elect-a-Troll 20xx, it doesn’t seem like Calliope and Roxy are very interested in getting involved in this at all.

ROXY: i just dont rly

ROXY: care about politics that much i guess

I suppose this means she’s not going to support Jane either. Hey, better for her to not be interested than for her to be on the opposite side. This is a victory of some sort.

She’s reticent to supporting anyone not only because she’s not interested in politics, but also because it’s a fight between her friends and she sure isn’t eager to going against a friend. She also knows this is something Jane has been planning for a long time, so she’s not into ruining Jane’s plans – even though she won’t really go out and say she supports Jane. I really disagree Jane is fragile, though. She’s anything but fragile.

In the spirit of full disclosure, Roxy’s the only one left I haven’t been able to crack. Her mind remains a total enigma to me, just like it always has. If I had to guess, it’s her Void powers that make her invisible, even to increasingly omniscient parties such as myself. For all intents and purposes, it’s like her thoughts don’t exist. She’s the same person, as far as I can tell. She still wears her heart on her sleeve. But the bottom line remains: Roxy Lalonde is still utterly fucking inscrutable.

Which is a very good thing for her. I wonder if this means Dirk would be unable to do anything with the narration involving Roxy, if she’s invisible for even the increasingly omniscient parties. In that case, she’s the luckiest person in this entire canon. Good thing, too, given how Dirk is a fervent supporter of Jane, so he can’t manipulate her into doing anything.

Roxy’s staying out, but what about Calliope? She doesn’t want any of this either, because it’d be stressful as all hell and that’s a very valid reason to not want to get involved in politics, especially if it’s between competing friends. At least Jade understands well enough and doesn’t insist.

Apparently Roxy asking Jade to call both Calliope and her by ‘them’ throws Dirk off to the point he has to hastily say aloud he doesn’t care and that he’s very okay with this, you guys, it’s totally okay. I don’t know, when this kind of thing is written or said like he did I can only think that person is indeed not okay with it. Dirk really should stop his rambling for once before he shoves his feet deeper into his mouth.

For a person that’s starting to be omniscient and spent an entire page mocking the reader and being vainglorious he sure is pretty concerned with keeping up the appearances.

ROXY: i mean what am i gonna do

ROXY: get married and pop out 100 bbs?

I mean, with ectobiology that’s far easier and simpler than you make it sound. You don’t even have to get married for that.

I choose to believe Dirk has gotten so flustered by the conversation about Roxy and Calliope being non-binary he chose to make Jade be unconscious. He had to stop the conversation somehow, so he made her do astral plane stuff. Smooth, Dirk, smooth as a brick.

I may as well stop here for the time being.

Next update: next time

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #webcomics #liveblog #webcomic liveblog

[crackmadhi]

Neither Fish nor Fowl

Saturday, 24 November 2029

Nahyuta calmly sat on the couch in Simon’s living room and read one of his manga. It was about a military division called ‘Pumpkin Scissors’ and was a rather old story with an odd style. Still it entertained the man and he had a good time reading it.

The front door suddenly got unlocked and Simon came in. He had come back from the grocery store and went straight into the kitchen to put away the food he had bought. Then he sat down next to his partner, leaned at his side, closed his eyes while Nahyuta continued reading and they relaxed like this quietly for some minutes.

Then Nahyuta felt Simon moving away and looked up from his book. A strange vibe came of his boyfriend and slowly he put down the manga and waited for the man to start speaking about what was going on.

“I’ve got a question for you”, Simon began seriously.

Sceptically Nahyuta frowned at his partner. He kept his mouth shut waiting for him to go on talking.

“You might have realized that in the two last weeks started sometimes referring to you with they/them pronouns from time to time.”

He paused for a second awaiting a reaction that never came.

“You reacted pretty well on that. I had the impression that you even liked it. And if that observation was correct, I’d like to know if you would like me to exclusively use they/them pronouns for you. Also, I could start using gender neutral terms for you, if you would like that better than masculine ones.”

Nahyuta said nothing. His expression was motionless and his look still. He was frozen in this moment.

Then out of nowhere Nahyuta’s mimic grew solemnly dark. He exhaled a wavering breath and looked right up in Simon’s eyes. He was prepared to fight.

“Simon, we will not talk about this. I know where you are heading with this and I’m not going to fall for it.”

Confused and mildly concerned Simon eyed his friend up. Nahyuta believed that he had a hidden agenda, that he wanted to trick him? Should he not know that he would never do such a thing to him?

“I do not want to trick you into something, but if you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to”, Simon tried to calm him down and brought some distance between himself and Nahyuta to show that he was not trying to invade his personal space.

But that did nothing to clam Nahyuta down. On the contrary it led to him being even more defensive.

“So, you’re not? Do you actually understand what you just insinuated? Do you? You just said that I would be unhappy being called he or him. You just assumed I was dysphoric about that. What I am not. I do not have dysphoria and you do not try to convince me from anything else, got that?”

Simon gaped at him. This had not been what he had said, but obviously what Nahyuta had read in his words. Immediately he had talked about dysphoria, a word Simon had never used in Nahyuta’s presence and he had never heard him use it either. It must have been on his mind. Which was not a good thing at all.

Before Simon could try and calm him down Nahyuta continued to rant as he stood up and stiffly walked in circles: “Also there is no need for something like gender neutral terms. You know that I am a man, so you can treat me as such. No need for ridiculous other terms. None at all. Absolutely not.”

“If you say one more time you don’t care about gender-neutral words, I might even believe it”, Simon let slip up.

Shocked he covered his mouth and saw an equally shocked Nahyuta staring back at him. They stared at each other in complete silence, Simon unable to mumble an excuse, Nahyuta frozen in his movements.

Finally, Nahyuta gulped heavily and broke eye contact with the samurai. Weakly he touched his forehead and sighed painfully. It was so easy to look through him, huh?

Frantically, Simon jumped up and walked over to him. Apologizingly, he started saying to Nahyuta: “I’m so sorry. That was not called for or appropriate. I should not have said it and will not let it happen aga-“

“It doesn’t matter.”

Simon flinched back. The monk looked straight up in his eyes. The jade stinging full of anxious regret and shame, shimmering tears welling up in front of it.

“You saw right through me. Again. I don’t know why I ever try hiding something from you. It’s never working, anyway… …”

Unsure what exactly Nahyuta signalized him to do right now, Simon kept his distance even though Nahyuta’s tears had started falling down now. His instinct was to try and comfort him, but to calm him down had not worked out earlier so maybe he had to try out another approach.

“Why did you start talking about dysphoria. I haven’t mentioned it at all.”

Nahyuta cleared up his eyes with his sleeves before he looked back up to Simon.

“You’re the one with psychological knowledge. You should know I talked about it because it was on my mind. And it was on my mind because I read about gender dysphoria several times in the last two weeks.”

“Why would you read about gender dysphoria?”

“Well, because I find it interesting that people feel bad about their sexual organs, chests or own names and pronouns?! Why do you think I read about gender dysphoria?”

Simon did not answer. He did not need to, for Nahyuta did that himself: “I was looking up what non-binary means. And there they also talk about gender dysphoria. They talk about it a lot in fact… And I know that I don’t have dysphoria. That much is sure.”

Simon frowned deeply at that. Slowly he sat back down on the couch and observed his boyfriend, still standing in front of him. Right now, he was wearing one of Simon’s NASA shirts that was evidently too large for him and boxer shorts. Both made him look smaller and let show the tattoos on his arms and legs, he normally hid so carefully. Everything about Nahyuta was so disclosed and vulnerable in this moment and Simon needed to be gentle with his next move.

“Okay. That’s good, isn’t it? Not feeling anxious about your body or your name and pronouns is a good thing”, he said softly and patted on the seat next to him.

Nahyuta huffed dryly, sat down and answered: “Yeah. It’s a good thing.”

“Very good. What else did you read about? Would you tell me that?”

“That there exist a lot of different words for non-binary genders. A lot of them are fluid and may change over time and so on… There are more pronouns for non-binary folks like xe or ze and… …for being non-binary, you need to have dysphoria of some sort.”

“Where did you read that? Wait, no it’s not even important. Look, being trans or non-binary is not defined by one’s dysphoria. I, as a cis male, cannot understand, even less explain, what makes one trans or non-binary. But trans and nb people can’t tell you if you are non-binary or not. They are surly better at helping you figuring it out, telling you some criteria and experiences most trans and nb fall under, but they cannot tell you what you need to have or not have in order to be trans or not. The only person who can actually say if you want to use the term trans or nb or both is you. Nobody but you.”

Helplessly Nahyuta gaped at Simon. How could he just know this stuff? It never even played a role in his life before, so why did he have all these details? Where has he looked for it and where had he found it?

Apparently, Simon recognized the burning frustration in Nahyuta’s eyes and reacted fast with telling him gently: “Yeah, I know a lot about this stuff. But I had a lot of time to think about it, unlike you. I’m in this for over seventeen years now and queer folks usually stick together, so you meet a lot of them during your life. We have discussed with transgender people and non-binary folks a lot. I’ve heard their own opinions and I know how much they can differ. The important thing with all these labels is that in the end of the day you are happy with yours. If not, don’t use them. You are who you are, with or without them. If you want labels, which help you name yourself to the world, please choose them. But if they stress you, let them be. There is no obligation for you to choose them.”

Nahyuta looked at Simon in utter distraught. He felt so lost, so unsure of what to do and so helpless. The whole discourse weighted heavy on his shoulders and he was unable to let go of his fears concerning the whole label and its weight. But at the same time... He felt that it fit so much better than man ever did. And honestly, by now he felt so guilty for it.

“I can’t do all of this. I don’t even want to care about it at all! Why the hell does gender even matter? Why is it important at all? How the fuck is it possible that there are so many debates and studies on something that’s merely a construct we made and now act like it had been given to us by the gods. That gender was something god made. Whose stupid idea was that? Who the fuck thought that this would be a good idea?”

Nahyuta hid his head in his hands, frustration letting his shoulders slump. Gently Simon drew closer and started drawing circles on Nahyuta’s back.

Simon sighed. He hated seeing Nahyuta like this. He hated being powerless. Exhaustedly he pulled Nahyuta towards him and held him for some seconds. Hugging always helped him calm down. The warmth was like medicine to him and he hoped that it would at least help Nahyuta a little.

Sadly, Simon whispered: “I’m so sorry N’yuta. So, so sorry. I wished it would not be this way. I wished people would not care for such stupid things. I would change it for you and all those who suffer because of it, if I could. But I can’t. Forgive me.”

Nahyuta wiggled himself out of the tight embrace and looked up to the man. A soft smile appeared on his lips and he kissed his samurai on his cheek and then caressed the other one with his left.

He observed how the usual blush appeared in the others face and the strange clarity, which emerged in his eyes as soon as he felt a bit embarrassed. It always made him look so much younger.

Then Nahyuta nuzzled his head into Simon’s chest. With a lost laugh he mumbled into the fabric: “It’s not your fault. You don’t need to try and change humanity for me. I’ll work with what I’ve got. I always did. It’s just so tiring, you know? When I was a child, I just believed that everything would be clear and logical once I turned twenty. How wrong I was.”

“Yeah. Being an adult will not help you with figuring out who you are. I’m thirty and don’t feel like I’m where I am supposed to be on an emotional level”, Simon answered, while stroking his head.

Nahyuta only nodded lightly. He had begun to cry again. Simon felt the wetness on his shirt but paid it no mind. Crying was a way of letting pain out. To process and grow. It was a good thing that Nahyuta still had the energy to cry. It was good that he could show his emotions.

Suddenly Simon heard the front door click. Klavier must be coming. He had a key to his apartment. Carefully he lifted his head to listen more carefully for the door. Yes, boots were taken off and the chain belt was clattering. It was Klavier.

Protectively Simon put hand on Nahyuta’s ear and asked calmly facing to the corridor: “Klav? You here?”

Hesitantly the blond man entered the room looking worriedly at the two. As he came closer Nahyuta sat up and looked right up at him. Klavier froze instantly. Nahyuta’s eyes were red and puffy from crying, his hair messy and some strains stuck at his face from the tears.

“What’s going on?”, Klavier asked shaken taking fast steps towards them and placing himself on the arm rest of the couch.

“I am not a guy.”

…

Simon’s face was filled with surprise and Klavier had shut down from astonishment. Never had Nahyuta been that clear. Never had they expected him to be this clear. Not after the fear and hesitation he had shown because of a simple dress.

“I… Oh, wow – okay – okay. That’s cool, totally cool”, Klavier started and stemmed his hands on his tights, “This is not weird or anything, it just took me by surprise, but I’ll support you, we’ll support you. ‘Kay? ‘Kay. Good, good. Now, uhm… so do you know what you are then? More like a woman? Or … do you not want to use a gender? Am I talking too much? Yes? Would somebody please just interrupt me? I really don’t know how to stop and –“

Simon had stood up shoved him a pillow in his face. It was very effective.

“I like your technique, panda. It’s very stylish”, Nahyuta joked weakly and brushed his hair out of his face.

Simon only nodded and said: “You’re welcome.”

Then he sat down again and waited patiently for Nahyuta to tell if he was able to answer just one of Klavier’s many questions. The monk flattened the wrinkles in his boxer shorts and tried to relax his feet, which had been cramped up.

His mind was clear. His answer was ready. It had been ready for a while now, but only now was the moment to finally announce it.

“I am no man. But no woman either. It would not fit. It never really did, but I also never had the opportunity or time to just think about it, until now that is. First and foremost, I am a human. But honestly, I guess the term non-binary would describe my gender identity just fine. Something that’s not male or female. Not like my father or my mother but … me.”

Both listeners were surprised yet again. The answer they just got was thought through and felt like there was a lot of consideration behind it. It was not the answer they had expected after seeing Nahyuta weeping desperately into Simon’s shoulder.

“This is very specific”, Simon said while having difficulties making eye contact with Nahyuta for once. “You’ve read a lot about the different gender identities in the past days. So, you surly came across different terms. Do you want to elaborate or…?”

Nahyuta nodded. He was prepared. He could give them answers.

“Very early in my research I understood that I was neither genderfluid or genderflux. That was clear from the very beginning to me.”

“Uhm? These mean one’s gender changes … constantly?”, Klavier asked shyly while scratching the back of his head.

“In a sense yes. In my understanding both terms refer to people whose gender identity can change from day to day, but also the intensity of their own gender perception might change. Anyway, that’s not me. I feel always the same about myself. That’s why I ruled these out. Then there are for examples neutrois, agender or bigender. Out of these agender was rather a good fit, since it could stand for somebody who does not care for gender and identifies mainly as a human. But at the same time, it could also stand for someone who has no gender, or a neutral gender and I did not like that. It doesn’t feel right. Non-binary on the other hand is a pretty wide term and just states that I’m not fitting in the classical binary system. And I like that. Somehow. I mean the discourse is pretty bad.”

“You mean those who are saying that transness and nb stuff only strengthen the gender binary and that all trans individuals are hurting themselves with their transitions and treatments? Did you read about that as well?”, Simon asked worriedly.

The regretting huff followed a faltering nod.

“N’yuta… Why would you do this to yourself? These people cannot look into your minds. They cannot see how all those humans feel. Yes, sure, some might regret their transition after some time. Yes, some behaviours and trends in these circles are questionable and definitely unhealthy, but that does not mean that the whole thing is made from the devil. It’s good to look at the problematic side of these communities and to have a critical look on this, but for finding yourself, this is very unhealthy. Please, try not to look into this discourse for the next few weeks. You should have seen enough for the moment. Okay?”

“Okay. But I still feel bad for choosing such a problematic term.”

“Just don’t. You’re not harming anyone with it, no matter what you’ve heard. This is for you and nobody else. So, would you like us to refer to you with they/them pronouns or other one’s?”, Simon asked gently and took the monks hand.

Nahyuta looked at Simon and smiled in his direction. People could say what they wanted but Simon could be one of the cutest human beings he knew. That was why it almost broke his heart when he told him: “I would like they/them pronouns, but I’d ask you not to use them. Not now, at least.”

“Why –“

“If I want to live my gender, to use these pronouns and dress the way I want, I need somebody to support me in Khura’in. And that would be Apollo. If he accepts me and is willing to help me with it, I would ask you to use they and them exclusively for me, but if not… If not you should stay with he and him.”

As both men stared at Nahyuta in confusion, he turned his head towards the wall and explained with a small voice: “I do not want to start missing my pronouns in Khura’in. Currently it does not bother me being called he or him, but if you would start using they/them, which I actually like a lot more, I might start disliking the male ones and that would be a problem.”

Visibly annoyed Simon slumped back on the couch and massaged his nose bridge. Meanwhile Klavier looked at the monk in pity. What was there to say? They had no way of helping Nahyuta with this. After all, Khura’in was where he spent most of his life. It was the place where he worked, lived, reigned. Where his family and friends were. He really could not start feeling anxious about going back there.

“Nun gut... I’ll do what you asked. I wished I could do more. But I’m sure Apollo will support you. And if he won’t I’ll gonna leave him. ‘Cause seriously, you deserve to live as the one you are and if he cannot support that, I fell in love with somebody else”, Klavier stated determined and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Nahyuta shot him a doubtful look. He did not think that Klavier could ever leave Apollo. Still he was touched by the notion and felt grateful for having Klavier on his side.

“Thank you, Klav. I hope Apollo will be on my side... If not – well, I’ve gone through more horrible things. It will be fine, to put it in his words.”

Then Nahyuta turned towards Simon. The man still looked quite tense and it left the impression as if he was rather unhappy.

“And what’s with you? You will accept my wishes?”, Nahyuta asked him to what the man looked up to him. “You look horribly angry just now.”

At once the samurai threw his hands in the air and blurted out: “I AM angry! I despise this! Why on earth, does your well-being have to depend on other people’s whims? Why do you need their approval? You are not hurting anybody, you are anything but dangerous or evil! So why do they have to sabotage your happiness? And I hate it that I can’t change this. I can’t do a fucking thing. Nada. Niente. Rien. I can’t even argue with your logic! This is so frustrating!”

Frustratedly Simon pressed his arms over his chest and stared intently at the wall. Also, his breathing looked rather heavy but before Nahyuta or Klavier could say a thing the big man already stood up and turned away from them. Neither had seen him this upset in a while.

Nahyuta was about to stand up and go over to his boyfriend, as Simon suddenly said: “I’m fine.”

He turned and looked sadly at Nahyuta. “Do not fret about me. You should not waste your time with such trivial things. I won’t call you they or them. As you asked. But I don’t think it will feel right anymore, now that I know you would prefer something else… Please know, if I could, if there was a way, I’d help you. I’d do anything, so you could live the way you feel most comfortable with. So, I could see and love the person you see in yourself.”

Nahyuta looked at him in deep sadness. Again, he realized what a good man Simon Blackquill was.

“Simon, no matter what will happen from now on, I will be fine. I have you and Klavier. And honestly, in the end of the day I can live with you two accepting and loving me the way I am. It’s not that important what the world sees in me, when I know that you see me for the person I am.”

Simon only gave him a look. He knew that Nahyuta believed his own words. But he was not so sure if he really felt that way.

Nevertheless, he went over to Nahyuta and took him into his arms. Quietly he asked him when he was going to talk with Apollo about it.

“This evening”, was the determined answer.

“Really?”, Klavier asked in astonishment.

“Yes. I was going to meet up with him anyway, and now I’m going to address the matter. I’m tired of pushing this away, and just want to get it over. Facing stuff head on is not a too bad method after all.”

Simon only shook his head and went into the kitchen getting them some tea, before Nahyuta was leaving them for the evening. He secretly prayed to the gods that Apollo Justice was smart enough to support his brother. Otherwise, he was not so sure if he would not truly become a twisted samurai…

Link to the Fanfiction on ao3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16675948/chapters/39105451

#ace attorney #aa #ace attorney fanfiction #simon blackquill #nahyuta sahdmadhi #Klavier Gavin #blackmadhi #klapollo #My writing #tw: disphoria #questioning ones gender #nahyuta thinks they might be nb #there is a second chapter with apollo in it #have fun with it #my soft boys

[tropicalgoon]

Spoilers for the Homestuck Epilogue below.

First things first, i had caught up reading Homestuck on the exact day the Gigapause started (10/16/13). So long pauses and people arguing about canon was pretty common. Then the comic ended but later we got snapchats. Once the snapchats started coming people were unsure how ‘canon’ the snapchats were. Also    

i was surprised with how fast the rest of the Epilogue came out. I figured it would have been drip fed like the comic was but reading it now i can see why that was not the case. If you haven't read the Epilogue i have one thing to say.

PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE CONTENT WARNINGS THEY ARE NOT JOKES.

With that out the way, i think the biggest shift in the Epilogue vs the actual comic is that everything is way more mature. While Homestuck was full of angsty, snarky teens and a lot of jokes, ironic and not, the Epilogue overall has a more somber, powerless mood to it.

Also one more thing, i do not have a fav character or ship. So that might be why im upset about how it is.

Now i read the Candy choice first so ill talk about that. Now as soon as i saw the juju i knew it was going to have an effect. And i was right, the juju makes people feel okay with their surroundings and so when John ate it he felt at ease with the chaos his life and friends were becoming. But hoo boy did everyone suck all around. 

i knew Gamzee was gonna be back and i was not wrong. i think the whole iVe bEeN GeTtIn mY MoThErFuCkIn rEdEmPtIoN On sO EvErYtHiN I Do iS GoOd was a funny bit but maaaaaan did it get a lil crazy. Jake has always been a doormat and easily manipulated. So nothing too new there but it was nice when he ran off with lil tavros. Also i guess hes the earth c equivalent to a kardashian.

 It really surprised me how fast Roxy got together with John. In fact the Candy Roxy is way different than the meat Roxy. i guess thats the juju at work. Rose was sick with an “illness” but soon after the candy was ate she got “better”. What actually happened was she stopped trying to open her mind to the infinite degree and just let herself live in the moment and be truly happy. It was nice to see her and Kanaya have a happy life, at least until everything went bad. As for Dirk i felt bad for him because he always had that whole meta textual self importance thing going on so when he offed himself i was like oh no. Its nice that him and Dave had bro-sesions.

And now time to talk about Jade, Dave, and Karkat. It feels like Dave and Karkat have mostly stayed the same with a few big differences.1) they both are a little less insufferable, 2) Karkat has accepted he is a leader and 3) their tip toeing around relationships was kinda annoying. Which brings me to Jade. She was butting into all three of their relationships trying to force them to admit feelings. While ive seen some people say Hussie killed Jade i personally dont think so. Jade was always a headstrong, stubborn person who would go after what she wanted and i mean she was on an island by herself for most of her life if she wants to have fun let her. 

Jane really went off the deep end. Which i dont think was so far off her canon personality in the comic. Her denying being xenophobic while being incredibly xenophobic was funny but also pretty real. While i didnt like they way she interacted with Jake it honestly fits in with what happens in the comic. (the trickster stuff, the crockercorp kidnapping). Her whole shadowy rise to hidden power was inevitable also i feel like she was really echoing the Condense on earth. Allowing Gamzee to spread his faith while funneling her wealth and fame into passing the policies and laws she wants. I do not think its out of character for her and Dirk to hate trolls since their lives were so affected by them. 

Johns depression clouding his judgement and making him not want to react was sad to read. It really felt like he was just drifting around, letting all of the situations and chaos just wash over him. So when he was talking to Terezi and she helped him make sense of things it was a nice turn of pace.

Speaking of Terezi, its sad how long she went chasing after (Vriska). As of this moment i dont really think the quadrant system is really in place anymore (at least relationships with humans in it). With John and Terezi talking to each other it really felt like blackrom.  “1F 1 W3R3 3V3R TO DO BL4CKROM 4G41N, 1T WOULD H4V3 TO B3 LOW K3Y”. It is sad her obsession with finding (Vriska) led to her dying in the void.

Seeing Aradia and Sollux was a surprise but they really didnt add much to anything (esp. Sollux). It was kinda funny how much of a dickhead Cade (Calliope Jade) was towards her. Cade was interesting. i really feel like she acts like she did in the comic. 

(Vriska) returning was also not a surprise. She THE most known character. Of course she would be back, but not by her own accord. She wants the spotlight, she HAS to have it. Now that she is trapped on earth c she is now out of canon and so she is out of the spotlight. Thats why she was wailing about needing to SEE it. I think its kinda funny she ends up having a quick fling with Gamzee, and he tries to sell her on his redemption arc bullshit. It really shows how far her obsession has let her fall.

And now its time for meat. Honestly im glad i read candy first because meat was really nice to read after candy. As i said with candy, i figured meat would be the more active of the two (duality like the cherubs). 

First off it was really nice to see how much Dave believes in Karkat and how he thinks Karkat would be leader earth c NEEDS. In Meat they still have their relationship drama with themselves and Jade. I really feel like shes slightly more direct in this one. After the blowup 

John dealing with Roses instructions, finding and bringing together the younger versions of themselves so they could go fight a younger Caliborn and getting sucked into the the house juju was not a surprise since its been theorized thats what would happen. Of course Rose did not warn him, or even tell him what to do. Even when the younger versions of Johns friends die and get hurt he still tries to save them. 

Jake is a very powerful figure in the new earth, he doesnt even realize it. Which leads to everyone trying to get him on their sides. I honestly feel like this is partly his page powers (but then again the classes and aspects dont mean all that much) but he has always been unconfrontational and a doormat. Dirk, Jane, Dave, and Karkat only want to use him for his ass and fame so they can further their agendas. 

i think its rather fitting that (Vriska) doesnt get to see how the battle against Lord English ended. It was GREAT to see Davepetasprite^2 make a comeback and fight Lord English. She KNOWS the final battle isnt her battle but she is still THE ONE who turns the tide. She’s the one who has brought the winning piece so its still a victory of hers by proxy. Also she does not have the talk with Vriska (rose and kanayas kid) on a clown throw pillow so she does not get to do the self reflection she needs. Instead she gets sucked into a black hole.

The Jane and Dirk combo was not surprising, they both had the hangups about Jake and i feel like it ended the same way. Once they got what they wanted it was no longer exciting, or mysterious. But reading the political sabotage and Dirks plans coming together made me realize he was using her for his own gains too. 

Now the whole Rose dying because her physical body couldn't contain the infiniteness of infinity was truly heartbreaking. Especially when Dirk was fucking with Kanaya. i do not know how much of Rose was being manipulated by Dirk and how much was her wanting to end her chronic suffering(2real4me). Addressing all of the....implications around those two. i really do not think they ran off to be together. i believe Rose is the first person Dirk has really connected with on a actual personal level. From what ive seen he does not really treat people as well... people. I think him and Rose are feeling the, “i am the only real person here and everyone else is a puppet” feeling John and Terezi was talking about. But unlike John, Dirk was never one to sit idly by, hes a mechanic after all. All the pieces have to be in place.

The whole bit with Cade and dirk taking control of the narrative was something i feel like has been building up for a long while. The unreliable narrator has been established a few times in the comic, in friendsim, and now in the epilogue. But it does raise a good question about who has been narrating the story and can they be trusted to give us the truth. We saw Dirk acknowledge that he is not unbiased and says things as he sees it. Cade says shes unbiased and just gives the whole truth but all i can think about is how she made Jane carefully cradle the juju and put it on the mantle. Watching Dirk outsmart Cade was defiently exciting to read. I cannot wait to see where all of this is leading to. 

Do i think thats the end of both of Davepetasprite^2 and Lord English? No, as the comic has always said,” Don’t turn your back on the body.” We dont know where they ended up but we’ll just have to wait for more to come out and i cant wait. Does Rose, Dirk, and Terezi (i guess) have an agenda, yes. Do i have any goddamn idea what that is? Nope, and im fine with that. Overall i enjoyed both of them.

#homestuck #epilogue #i didnt mention eridan feferi or actual tavros cuz they have mostly been jokes so i was not expecting them to suddenly get respect #esp eridan #also this is kinda rambly so feel free to tldr

[pitubea1910]

Fresh Start - Part 15

Pairing: Barry Allen x Reader

Featuring: Oliver Queen, Iris West, Joe West, Caitlin Snow

Words: 1780

Warnings: Arrow, Flash, Supergirl and Legends spoiler! Some swearing, some angst and fighting.

Tags: @onceuponateenpanwolfian  @moonlightbae14  @writingsofagirlintomanyfandoms @jade-cheshire3303  @dejewskoo @castellandiangelo @captainboomerangsunicorn @catscanwritetoo @arianna280398 @mikkywinchester   @oliviagrace02 @fofo64004  @l4life  @philautia-love-of-self  @x-andallyourlittlethings-x  @alina-hp @gothesimplethingsinlife  @kindfloweroflove @yohoyohoafandomlifeforme @blue-berry-barry-allen @staceyisweird @megasimpleplan4ever @vilolisun @sup3rf1ash  @thatcrazyfangirlmaze

Request: none

Notes: I know this gif has nothing to do with the chapter but I didnt find any good enough so...yeah haha

MASTERLIST

Oliver knew he had screwed it up again when you took a step back, looking at him with anger and disbelief but you didn’t get it. He wouldn’t be able to focus knowing you were close to the danger while he was fighting it. It was a huge distraction, one he just couldn’t afford.

“What?” You asked, giving him the chance to take it back. Although, you knew him better than that.

“It’s just… I need you to be protected, away from here” he tried to explain.

“You think I’m not protected here?” You questioned raising an eyebrow. He sighed knowing you wasn’t going to make it easier.

“That’s not what I meant” he said but you interrupted him before he could say anything else.

“Yes it is. This is not about my protection Oliver. This is about your consciousness being calmed” you told him. “You never wanted to come here in the first place and this is just your best excuse to take me back to a place where I don’t want to be” you added.

“That’s not true!” He frowned. “This is not about me!” He exclaimed.

“It’s always about you! You kept this vigilante thing from me because you thought it would be better for me, did you ever think how I would feel about it?” You said louder. “This thing about going back to Star City is not even about protection, is about me dating Barry because you’re so arrogant you think he’s not good enough for me!”

“Of course he’s not good enough for you! He’s just a kid playing to be a hero for fuck’s sake!” You raised an eyebrow at his words and then shook your head.

“At least he hasn’t killed anyone” you replied coldly.

You weren’t an idiot, you knew how much those words were to hurt him but at that point you didn’t care anymore. You wanted your brother out of your apartment and if you had to do it by hurting him then you would, just like he had hurt you.

“What?” He whispered.

“Do you think I don’t remember all the people the Arrow killed when he first appeared in Star City?” You asked. “I was afraid of him. Really afraid” you told him. He gulped.

“I’m not that guy anymore” he said shaking his head.

“So?” You crossed your arms looking at him death serious. He closed his eyes and looked down. “Leave” you told him simply. He looked at you surprised. “I’m not repeating myself, Oliver” you added.

He bite his lip and took a deep breath before walking to the door. You didn’t even more from where you were.

“This is not about me” he whispered before walking out and closing the door.

When you were left alone you leaned against the table and let out a shaky breath. You never thought you would be so mad at Oliver, you never thought you would tell him such things knowing it would hurt him but there you were. You had just kicked your brother out of the apartment, the person you had always looked up to and, at the moment, you just didn’t want to see him.

Eventually, you forced yourself to go to your room. It was getting late and you had the feeling it was going to be a long night so you climbed onto your bed and laid down, looking at the ceiling, waiting for the sleep to come and get you.

Next day when you woke up you considered your options. You could go to STAR Labs and see how everything was going, spend the day there helping as much as you could and, most important, knowing what was going on. But Oliver and Thea would be there and you didn’t really feel like seeing them. You could also stay at home the whole day, driving yourself crazy imagining the worst and torturing yourself. It looked like the choice was obvious.

So you took a shower and in less than thirty minutes you were already in your car, on your way to the Labs. Usually the parking lot was empty except for Caitlin’s car but this time you saw also Joe’s and even Iris’. You frowned worried. If everyone was there it meant that something had happened so you hurried inside after locking your car.

“But where are they?” You heard Iris asking.

“Up there in their ship” Barry replied.

“And where are Felicity and Cisco? I think they could be useful here”, Joe asked. You stopped before walking into the cortex, listening to their conversation.

“They’re in Star City, trying to find a way to get them back” Caitlin sighed. “Have you told (Y/N)?” She asked. Told you what?

“No” Barry sighed. “I know I should but…how do you tell someone her brother and sister have been abducted by aliens?”

You gasped as you heard that and covered your mouth for a moment, trying to calm down but you knew it was impossible. Immediately you walked into the cortex and everyone turned to look at you.

“What did you just say?” You asked Barry.

Everyone looked at you surprised, obviously not expecting that you would just appear out of nowhere. No one said a thing, which just made you feel more anxious.

“Barry for fuck’s sake!” You exclaimed.

“Sorry! Sorry!” He finally reacted and hurried over you and placing his hands on your shoulders. “Sorry I didn’t tell you but…yeah, the Dominators have them along with Digg and some of the others” he sighed.

“But…how?” You mumbled trying not to panic. “I was with Oliver just last night! When did this happen?” You asked.

“I guess afterwards” Barry sighed. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. Barry bite his lip and pulled you in for a hug. “We will get them back, I swear. Felicity and Cisco are working on it in Star City” he said stroking your hair.

“What can I do?” You asked pulling away.

“What?” Barry chuckled nervous now. “No-nothing really…” he mumbled.

“Do you really expect to sit here while my brother and sister are God’s knows where with some aliens who want to destroy us all?” You asked crossing your arms.

“If you put it like that…” he mumbled looking around for help.

“There’s no other way to put it, Barry” you shrugged.

He was about to say something when Caitlin’s phone started ringing. You all looked at her while she picked it up. Apparently, it was Cisco from Star City. They needed Barry and Kara to steal something that would help them locate the space ship.

“I’ll be there in ten” Barry said putting on the suit in a second.

“I want to go” you told him.

“You can’t. I need you here, where I know you’re safe” he replied walking over you. “I’ll be back as soon as possible. I swear” he said kissing you slowly for a few seconds before speeding out of there.

“Damn it” you mumbled.

“He’s right, (Y/N)”, Iris said with a sad smile. “I know you want to be there and help but you will be more helpful here” she added.

“How?” You asked taking a sit on the stairs leading the medical room.

“Letting Barry know you’re safe” she replied. “Plus, we’re the coms remember?” She added with a smile.

“I guess you’re right” you sighed getting up.

“I think I leave this in good hands” Joe said. He had been listening the whole time without doing any intervention. “Call me if something happens, alright?” He told Iris. She nodded and he walked out of the cortex leaving the three of you alone.

You spent the whole day there at the cortex, without any news from Barry, Kara or anyone. As long as you knew, they could be dead but you tried not to think about it and stay positive, which was hard taking into account your past. Caitlin kept you occupied the whole time since she knew how worried you were. It wasn’t just your family, also Barry was taking a huge risk and you couldn’t do much to help him. You felt so powerless and useless.

“Anything?” You asked coming back from the bathroom.

“Nothing” Caitlin said with a sigh.

“Fuck…” you mumbled sitting next to her.

Desperation was starting to be a thing by then. It was already night, you had been without news the whole day, nor good or bad. And when that happened, bad things tended to take place.

“I brought dinner” Iris said walking in with two pizzas.

“I’m not hungry” you said simply.

“I know you’re not but none of us have eaten anything today so…” she placed the boxes in front of the computers and opened them. “Bon appetite!” she exclaimed.

You looked at the pizzas before taking a slice. Maybe you were a bit hungry and not eating wasn’t going to help anyone so you just started eating in silence. By the time you were finishing one of the pizzas, your phone rang. Since you didn’t expect it, it even scared you a little but immediately you dropped the pizza and took out the phone.

“It’s Barry!” You exclaimed.

“Put it on speaker” Iris said anxious. You nodded and picked it up, putting it on speaker immediately.

“Barry?” You asked. “Are you okay? What’s going on? What happened?”

“We know where they are” he said. You looked at Caitlin and Iris with a smile of relief. “They’re okay, at the Waverider”

“The what?” You asked confused.

“I’ll explain later” Caitlin told you. You nodded and looked down at the phone again.

“But there are bad news” he said.

“Of course there are” Iris mumbled. “What is it?”

“The Dominators are building a weapon and coming to Earth. We don’t know how far they are but their intentions are obviously not good” he told you. “Please, stay there and don’t do anything stupid. I will be there as soon as I can with everyone. I love you (Y/N)” he said quickly and hung up, not giving you any time to answer.

You two stayed in silent, trying to process what Barry had just told you. Oliver, Thea, Digg and everyone else were okay but your planet was about to be attacked by some evil aliens. The best of it? There was nothing you could do. Biting your lip, you looked around at Caitlin and Iris worried.

“I always thought an alien invasion would be more like E.T. and less like Alien” was all you were able to say. They nodded in agreement but not saying a word. “We’re fucked, right?”

“We’re so fucked” Caitlin replied with a nod.

#barry #allen #barry allen #the flash #barry imagine #barry allen imagine #the flash imagine #barry x reader #barry allen x reader #the flash x reader #dc #dc universe #imagine #pitubea #oliver queen #the arrow #green arrow #stephen amell #grant gustin #thea queen #willa holland #speedy #caitlin snow #killer frost #iris west #joe west #ccpd #central city #star city #aliens invasion

[pieridesofbillions]

More Rip, Less Legend - Aruba-con and why we can’t all get along.

Rip, oh, Rip - just when I think you’ve learned your lesson about working with others, you get more douche-like and do things like form a Time Bureau and cut out the Legends completely. The Legends who have saved the world from evil dictators, your former bosses and people who use ancient Christian artifacts to change the entire makeup of the reality as we know it, with your consent at breaking the one rule about time. Ironically, you don’t remember your time as a fondant chef, because it was where you were the most useful, or at least, you don’t remember that actual two seconds, you were a proper Legend because you learned how to work with your damn team and realized you were not the greatest Time Agent on the face of the planet.

But of course, it’s a new season and we need a new “Rip’s being the stupidest stupid head ever with his dumb secrets,” plot because God knows, you haven’t learned that sharing is caring and the Legends will have to save your ass eventually anyway. Even if he has a plan in play, it isn’t working because he’s keeping it secret.

The problem with Rip Hunter is twofold – number 1 - He does not know how to work with people or be a part of a team.  2- He needs power or he is an unhappy, desperate, sad puppy.  I choose to look at problem two first, because we have the Time Bureau – he’s working with a team of people there, right?

To give you a little bit of my process here, the first step in examining a character for me is stripping them down to their core. I get inside their head and take away all the layers that they have built up over the years (that I know about anyway) and find what they are inside of all of that. For instance – Sara Lance - despite what she’s suffered, despite all the blood of people that she’s killed, despite all the rage at­ the people who have killed her, despite the responsibility of being captain of the Waverider, at her core- she is the embodiment of joy. She delights in a good fight, in a good joke, a good game of cards, a nice beer, a romp in the sheets. Even in the sadness of the memories of her sister, she tries to find the joy in everything no matter what situation she’s in.

Rip, on the other hand, was almost impossible to figure out until I compared his behavior to Ray in Season 1. Ray assumed he knew what was best in any given situation, always needed to be listened to and validated, didn’t understand any point of view or lifestyle but his own as the “right” one and deemed himself right in any given situation and his wrongness had to be slowly explained to him or he didn’t understand. In fact, behaviorally, the only difference between the two is that Rip was more jaded, more experienced, more ruthless, and more morally neutral. While at his core, Ray wasn’t privilege (at his core, he is a tinkerer- someone who cannot stop messing with things no matter how much they need to be left alone), he was the perfect example of privilege.  So why was it so hard for me to identify the same things in Rip? Ray’s privilege (while also being white and male) came almost completely from money (knowledge as well, but in season one it was also proven Ray was brain smart and street dumb, while Leonard was both brain and street smart, but still not inherently privileged, hence me taking it off the table.)

The problem was my brain was temporally locked, for lack of a better word. Rip’s core is power, but it’s extremely hard to recognize because that kind of power almost always exclusively comes from money, but a time traveler has no need of money, because it is so very temporary. Grab a penny from the 1800’s, jump to the twenty-first century and you’ve just made yourself a rich man. We hardly ever see that kind of completely and utter disregard and/or use of others in people who are essential broke, but because he travels through time, he has more power than we will ever know. That’s why some of Rip’s best, kindest moments come from when he’s feeling powerless, because he can finally see past himself and what he thinks and can finally empathize with others and use all of the other layers that he’s learned and knows to truly help.

But making a powerful person feel powerless eventually has its repercussions. After erasing his own memory, being mind-jacked by the Legion of Doom, protected by Gideon, returned to his own ship where he found Sara had finally made the Legends work (as much as the Legends will ever be functional), then trapped for God knows how long making fondant cakes in a tiny baby Waverider and being partially erased by time, he’s more powerless than he’s been since losing his wife and child due to the organization he had dedicated his life to. So Rip did what Rip always does when he’s pressed against a wall – he takes control of everything in front of him despite the fact that it is inherently uncontrollable – in this case, Time. When his wife and child died, he tried controlling the uncontrollable with the Legends in the first place, despite being time manipulated, despite being defeated time and time again when he tried to save them by himself, he decided to draft the moteliest crew of people who clearly have issues with authority. Then, he lied to them, had no problem using their guilt and camaraderie with Carter to keep them around, but was surprised when they didn’t bow to his every whim and demand and bonded with each other over hating him. And they still became a team, somehow, despite the odds.

So, then he had to do the stupid thing of stranding his team in various points of time to hide a secret, powerful artifact , kept its origins secret again and instead of asking for help, he left the Legends to backtrack his steps, which inevitably left them three steps behind, and eventually, in a situation where they had to break the most cardinal rule of time and obviously, if the Legends had to break the most cardinal rule of time travel to save the world, no matter what happened as consequences, something must be done. By him, obviously, because none of that was his fault in the first place (the fondant loving chef of the tiny Waverider was a time remnant that disappeared completely erasing his memory of contributing to this plan and before that), of course, he was busy stranding his team and then he had to kill George Washington. 

Which is how we wound up back at problem number one – Rip doesn’t know how to work with people or be a part of a team. I present as evidence exhibit A – the Time Bureau. Again, I was unbelievably confused at how Rip Hunter – who has not only traveled with the Legends, but has been saved by them innumerable times created an agency that uses them as a guide of what not to do when confronted by time aberrations. I can understand why he wanted to create the antithesis of the Time Masters and from what we’ve seen so far that is very much what he did– living inside of time, centered in 2017 (and supposedly beyond), adhering to a more modern, office like look, being connected personally and training to work together, using mobile devices instead of ships when  captains had been travelling as their own law, using centralized agency with checks and balance and different levels of power, one that doesn’t disguise itself according to the time period, but with technology.  All of this is inherently opposite the entire look and feel of the Time Masters, which is entirely appropriate and at first glance, very impressive.

What I find incredibly appalling, however, is how he used the Legends as not only example of what not to do, but how everything they did was wrong, which yes, breaking time bad, but here’s the problem one in action. All the people he recruited believed him. Why would someone supposedly effective as Rip work with the Legends so long if they were such awful, bumbling idiots? Why did he entrust his ship to them and hide in the past? Because instead of recruiting those effective in their own fields (but unknown) as he did with the Legends, he chose people that could be molded to be similar to him. Structured, rule following, type A personalities, people who follow plans and protocol to the letter and are endlessly trained in every possible scenario that could possibly happen, instead of the kind of people who would break down his logic or empathize with the conditions the Legends were under. He’s equipped them with devices that used surprise and disorientation as their primary method to fix their aberrations and voila, problem solved - incredibly effective Time Bureau. But despite how quickly they’ve cleaned up the huge mess of Time that the Legends made, they’ve only existed approximately five years, less if you count making protocol, staffing and training. Essentially, everyone is basically a baby agent just getting their feet wet.

All that training was useless after one call about Julius Caesar from a Legend. Based on the wonderful stories Rip has been instilling in his trainees, they barely believe in a possible aberration and outright dismiss the evidence because they didn’t actually look at their surroundings and notice a huge toga party or bother talking to Mick. Then when the Legends return Caesar, albeit roughly, when they go to “fix” the Legends’ horrible mistake, they are baited into a trap that is used as a basic shoplifting lure at box stores.

Instead of recruiting people of many different styles and methods to work with, Rip has created a Time Bureau of tiny little Rips. He could have built a new more functional version of the Legends, finding people who had their skills without as many of their hang-ups or he could have used the Legends as teachers after he fixed time. He didn’t even let Gideon have a say in how the new teams were formed which says a lot about how much control he wanted. Gideon is a mostly impartial party who has just as much if not more knowledge about time travel and yet, he shut down her mind and used her body as a training simulator. (Let’s not forget, Gideon was the only thing that kept Rip sane inside his own mind at one point.) No, Rip Hunter has just trained a lot of people to follow his lead and act just as he would in the field. He’s made mini drones. That may be effective against your average aberration, but they don’t know how to improvise. He’s built them up with a great success rate but he hasn’t shown them the truth of time travel – things go wrong. Things always go wrong. The field isn’t like a simulation and when you’re in the middle of a situation, protocol doesn’t always work. Mistakes get made and you have to make tough decisions very fast. The only mini-drone exceptions we’ve seen to this are extremely anti-Legends and the individual thought they have had is “Don’t use Legends.” (Wonder where they got that idea from?)

The Legends aren’t perfect, but they are effective because they’ve learned that each of them brings something different to the team and all of those things should be valued. While Rip values the Legends as an asset, he hasn’t learned how to value them as people– he’s taken everything they’ve done for him, Time and each other and made a mockery of it because one, it gives him power and two - it restores his faith in himself and in his righteousness. In his mind, the problem for Rip was never him, it was them. He still hasn’t learned that they have things teach him. He didn’t try to find his place on the team where he belonged amongst all these different personalities with all of their weaknesses and all of their strengths. While he was extremely grateful for what they did for him, he still hasn’t come to understand how they did it. To this day, they still mystify him because he hasn’t truly seen them as equals, and sometimes, as betters. They look at failure and learn, while he looks at failure and becomes defeated. He gives commands instead of asking questions. He orders instead of requests. He talks at people instead of listening to people and he blames others instead of taking responsibility. He had a chance to use the opportunity he had once given them to change his destiny when Sara invited him to stay on the team. But he made a decision when he took that time ship and left his former team behind, he chose to be a great Time Agent instead of becoming an incredible Legend.

#Legends of Tomorrow #season three spoiler #I thought a thing #Meta

[yo-mk]

Hot Knees #20: On calendars, skies and perma scowls

A couple weeks ago, I went back to my hometown to visit family and celebrate Lunar New Year. Unlike the Gregorian calendar, which follows the phases of the sun, the lunar one follows the moon and is longer. It usually begins in February or late January. I used to think that if the Gregorian year was off to a bad start, there would still be a second chance to start over with the lunar calendar. When I lived in my hometown, I wasn't into running so returning to a place I used to know well and going for runs meant seeing it in a new light. The city layout is quite different from that of Toronto's. It's about the same size but with a much smaller population density. A block in Toronto is brimming with things: people, stores, garbage bins, debris. Running in Toronto (downtown at least) is urban running at its finest. There's plenty of weaving around people, dodging recycling bins left on the curb, side-stepping dog poo and avoiding cars. There is also a lot of stop and go because of traffic and red lights. A block in my sleepier, former city goes on and on with fewer interruptions. It's a landlocked city and the province is known for its vast, expanses of land and crisp air. There are endless skies.The vibrant celestial colours and unique cloud formations are a lustrous contrast to land's earthy browns and yellows. The pace of life is quite different, and it was a calm way to restart a year. 2017 (the Gregorian edition) began in a frenzy. It burst out the gate too quickly and at an unsustainable pace. Many of my conversations with people as of late have been about exhaustion and self-care. Discussions are centred around how to survive, how to continue in light of all the heaviness, and how to stay informed without burning out. We are also talking about how to support each other and be accountable to communities directly affected by trauma and violence. One of the best email subject lines I received recently was "Res(is)ting Bitch Face," which sums up a lot of my existence these days. There is an excess number of things to keep up with: protests, organizing, writing, speaking up, reading, discussing, processing, taking care...the list goes on. There's a perma furrow that's found a home on my face! 

(Sunday self-portrait)

In this interview with writer Jade Chang, her quote about comedy and joy is particularly striking, "...joy itself is a rebellion...living unapologetically is an act of defiance." There's already enough bogging us down and making us feel powerless, inadequate or insignificant that joy can be considered radical. I'll take joy where I can find it and offer it to others when I can. There are no easy solutions, no convenient pills to swallow to make the icky feelings go away. And so, we continue, one foot in front of the other. (Just a note about the newsletter: I know I've been focusing less on running lately. Hot Knees wasn't intended to be solely about running. There are many things that cause these knees to burn. Whether they're lessons learned on the pavement or great writing I've come across, the newsletter is about sharing information and presenting ideas related to culture and writing as well. Don't worry though! Race season is around the corner so we'll be back to the regularly scheduled program soon enough!)

Fuel for the Mind There's the multicultural ideal and then there's reality. What Roxane Gay is reading. Also this speech on the responsibility taken on by people of colour is one of the best I've read in a long, long time. Lessons and observations of the Women's March. The sex worker who opened a retirement home for those in need. Maybe it's time for a media diet. Forget about sex, it's activism that's selling coffee now. The Merriam-Webster Twitter account is so sassy, and this is the person behind it. How Teen Vogue got mad, got woke and got vocal. The artist behind Beyonce's pregnancy photos, aka the dude who broke Instagram. Taylor Swift has built her career on playing the victim. Donald Glover, Renaissance Man. On being black, female and hiking the Appalachian Trail.

Fuel for the Ears Get some cosmic ambiance with SADZIKY's "Arabs in Space" podcast. Once & Future Band's new release is full of expansive guitars and vocals. Bless Lin Manuel; he joined Spotify and created this protest playlist. This music video by Saudi women has gone viral and the outfits are A++. Run the Jewels on Tiny Desk Concerts is a good time, obvs. K'Valentine's love for poetry feeds her hip hop.

I'm not angry, it's just my face.

#hotknees #newsletter #running #writing #runnersnotrunning #runnerswriting

[forkanna]

[Also Known As "Tear's Costume Title Has Unexpected Side Effects On Princesses"]

WARNING: Characters and locations © Namco Bandai. Story/plot © me! All rights reserved. Rated M for mature themes (edging into nsfw in the final chapter). Characters depicted are of consenting age. Contains game spoilers. Set (generally) in the middle of the final act of the game. More notes below.

THEME SONG: "Amazing" by Foxes

NOTES: Hi! I know, I know, I'm supposed to be working on Precious Little Knives, and Bind Us, and Coven... but sometimes inspiration strikes and you're powerless to resist. At least this one's REALLY short comparatively!

It's a little funny that out of all the Tales titles I could write a fic for, it ended up being Abyss. My all-time favourite is Symphonia, though the one closest to my heart is Destiny, since it was the first I ever played and it captured my attention immediately. By now, I own just about every "Mothership" title in the series that's available in North America, save one or two. But none of this probably matters to readers who haven't played them so I'll move on; you should be able to pick up on most of the plot of Abyss by reading this fic without needing to pregame.

Tear and Natalia are definitely a crack ship. In fact, I don't really ship them, but I do like the camaraderie they share. A near-sisterly relationship, and for two women who basically have never had real friendships before the events of the game, that's important. However, when I had the random idea "What if Tear dressed up as Asch to make Natalia feel less crappy about him being a giant bag of dicks?" all hope was lost. It had to be done! And as you know, I basically just write shippy things all the time, so...

I hope you like this one as much as I liked writing it!

Jessex

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

                                               CHAPTER ONE

Mystearica Grants wasn't sure why she thought her idea was a sound one. Intriguing, sure, and possibly beneficial for a dear friend. But not sound.

Why had she come to the island of Nam Cobanda? Their last visits to the hideaway for misfits and artists had been tedious and annoying. Anise seemed to enjoy the performances, and Guy was always fond of watching the Fon machines whir and spin. But it was a waste of their time; they should have been hunting Asch and Mohs, and trying to destroy the miasma. The fate of their entire world hung in the balance…

"See anything you like?"

Not that the world was her only concern. Recently, a more personal one had come to the forefront of her mind that she tried her best to ignore — to put the needs of the world ahead of the needs of their team, as they had all done so many times before. But as long as they were near Radessia, what was the harm in stopping in to pursue something else of importance?

"Ma'am? Are you alright?"

"Oh," Tear muttered, blinking. "Sorry, I'm just… distracted."

The woman in the blue overalls chuckled as she watched the gentle-voiced sergeant pass her gloved fingertips over the fabrics hanging from the racks. Some of the costumes were rather plain, and some were so flamboyant she was sure no one in the history of Auldrant had ever worn such finery.

"I don't think that's quite the truth, is it, sweetie?"

"What?"

"You have something you're really focused on," the woman said with a twinkle in her eye. "I'm the distraction. Why are you wandering around backstage? I'm sure there's a reason."

Though she resented how pushy the woman was being, Tear couldn't pretend she wasn't a hundred per cent correct. There would be no harm in asking. "Do you have… people who can make costumes based on real people?"

"What real person?"

"Oh, maybe… Asch fon Fabre? O-or 'Asch The Bloody', I guess."

Her knowing smile made Tear's stomach clench in fear. "Ohhh. You're lucky; Noir already had that one commissioned."

"What?! I mean… why?"

"Why do you want it?"

Tear looked away, tucking a light brown strand of hair behind her ear. "None of your concern. I have Gald, if that's the issue. And I'd like it right away if possible."

"Now I have two questions: why do you want it, and what's your hurry?" When Tear only pressed her lips together into a thin line, she laughed and said, "Alright, I can see it's important to ya. Even if you're being so stubborn. Right this way."

Something was strange about the closet the woman reached for. Though it didn't make any sense, and there was no real basis for the thought, she had the distinct impression that it had been empty before the woman reached for the handle. She threw it wide…

And there was a complete replica of the armour belonging to Asch. Every detail was perfect; the red accents at the tops of the bicep-length gloves and the thigh-high boots, the two belts… even the red wig perched atop the mannequin looked exactly like Asch's long hair. Much to her surprise, a prop sword in the exact likeness of the Key of Lorelei he carried also stood in the corner.

"Well?"

"Uhm…" Blinking, she asked, "Is there any way… do you have four-inch heels?"

"We have three-inch lifts we can put in the sole of the boots, which should boost you up about four inches. All costuming departments have those." The woman didn't even have to walk far to retrieve them for Tear, and she put them into her hands.

"Oh." Blinking down at the lifts, which were quite springy and comfortable, she asked, "How much?"

"Hmm. Let's say fifty."

"Fifty Gald? That's all?!"

"Yes. And one other thing." Her finger came up to waver between their two faces. "When you're through with the costume, try to bring it back in one piece."

Tear squinted at the woman, glancing between her and the flawless reproduction. "How do you know I won't keep it?"

"Just a feeling. But I think we both know I'm right."

"Fine." She parted with the Gald, then said, "Have it sent to the Albiore — discreetly, if you can."

"Of course. Pleasure doing business. Good luck."

All the way back to their ship, Tear tried to shake the feeling that she was making some kind of egregious mistake. It refused to budge.

~ o ~

The Seventh Fonist had meant to make use of the Asch costume that night. However, nerves got the better of her; this was a stupid plan. Ludicrous! How was she supposed to assume this wouldn't come across as pandering, or condescending? Every day, she felt less and less sure of following through and more certain that it was the world's most ridiculous notion and that she ought to forget about it completely.

What did she know about matters of the heart, anyway? This had always been an area of human consciousness that defied her best attempts to understand. Luke fon Fabre, Asch's less-standoffish clone, seemed drawn to her but she had no idea whether or not he was interested in being more than allies. They were bound together in the fight to stop her brother Van from annihilating the entire population of humanity and replacing them with mindless replicas, simply because he hated the so-called "righteousness" of the priests' beloved Score. That kind of dependence made people need each other. She couldn't assume anything deeper with Luke, and her inexperience with romance made it foolish to try.

So she had decided she would abandon the plan… until the conversation they had nearly a week after her trip to Nam Cobanda.

"Every time."

"D-don't be ridiculous," Princess Natalia Luzu Kimlasca-Lanvaldear responded as they guided the Albiore through the skies toward Keterburg. They were all quite sweaty and nasty from their latest battle and needed both a hot bath and a decent night's sleep before returning to their ongoing quest.

"You dooooo," Anise Tatlin jeered, kicking her short legs back and forth. Though she was a teenager, her size and exuberance put one in mind of a primary schoolgirl. "Literally every time we see Asch, you blush."

Natalia ran a hand through her shoulder-length blond hair to try and hide her embarrassment, if only for a moment. "You're making things up. I have never blushed; princesses don't blush. Or sweat."

"Then what do you call that moisture all over your face and neck?" Guy Cecil asked with a good-natured chuckle. He was making things worse, but Tear knew he honestly didn't mean to.

"Guy! That's- how rude!"

He flinched away from her outburst. "Wh-what did I say?"

"Who knows with Natalia?" Luke griped. Though he did reach over to pat her shoulder. "And it's no big deal; we're all pretty gross after that last fight. I really hope we're done with the Sword Dancer by now!"

"Hmm," Jade Curtiss mused, adjusting his spectacles. "I rather hope we aren't. The data from facing such a fierce opponent will likely prove invaluable in our future skirmishes."

The rest of their troupe reeled back from him, surprised by his callousness, as per usual. It was Natalia who spoke up. "Would it be worth it if we all died fighting him?"

"Of course. Though not to us, obviously; we would have to trust those who came after to make use of said data." He gave one of his usual careless shrugs, a glint of amusement in his eyes. "After all, it's rather conceited of us to assume we're the only ones capable of carrying on this crusade against Van's opposing crusade. Wouldn't you agree?"

As always, Jade was pushing, teasing the team purely to see what their reactions would be. Tear had noticed that literally every situation was a science experiment; even the social situations most people would never think to examine beyond their surface. She didn't always understand why he was doing it, but it was a recurring theme nonetheless.

"Fine," Natalia sighed. "As long as we agree this is a lot more important than whether or not I do foolish things in front of Asch."

Jade's hand went to his chin. "Hmm. Is it, though?"

"YES! Oh, just… leave me alone!"

They should all have respected her wishes. But Tear had to say something. It was the shadow of sadness in Natalia's eyes, even beneath the blush and the frustration with Jade, that made it impossible to stay silent.

"You don't do foolish things," she offered.

"What?" Natalia asked.

"You don't. I…" Her throat tried to close up, but she managed to continue. "Asch is merely focused on the mission — retrieving the Key and the Jewel, destroying the miasma. It has nothing to do with you."

The princess tried to smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Oh, I know. It never has anything to do with me. Asch just… knows what his duty is. Maybe after this is all settled, he can feel more comfortable worrying about some old childhood friend again, but for now… I understand why I can't be important to him. Not when the fate of the world is…"

Natalia never finished the sentence. No one else dared pick up the dangling conversation, and so it faded away as the ship came in for a landing just outside the city walls. Tear didn't dare to make a big deal about things she didn't fully comprehend in the first place. Not in front of everyone in a way that was sure to make Natalia yet more embarrassed than she already was.

Perhaps her plan would be needed, after all.

~ o ~

The hour grew late. Everyone would be in their hotel rooms by that point, tucked in and snoring away. Only Jade might still be up, but Tear knew he would be poring over his notes on the Score and their enemies, trying to gain them an edge. Either she made her move now, or she would probably never get the chance — either because they succeeded and they parted ways, or they did not succeed and all would be meaningless.

Though she had intended to slip in unannounced, she couldn't bring herself to do that. A quick, quiet knock on the door was the best middle ground she could manage.

"Hm?" came a somewhat sleepy voice from the other side. Tear took that as license to enter. She had just eased the door shut when it added, "Who's there?"

This had been one of the roadblocks keeping her from going through with the plan. Every time she tried to imagine how she could have a conversation without giving herself away, she drew a blank. Finally, it had come to her in a flash: the one way she might get away with this. If it didn't work, then so be it.

"Shh," Tear whispered as she approached the bed, trying to pitch her voice as low as she could. She could never allow herself to speak normally, or the ruse would instantly be over. "I can't stay long. And please, keep the light off."

Natalia sat up in bed, a hand pressed to her heart through her silk nightgown. "Asch?! Wh-what are you doing here- why are you in my room this late?"

Tear knew that Natalia would at least be able to see her silhouette in the vague moonlight from the window. That was why the details of her costume were so important to get right; why she only trusted the costumers of Nam Cobanda Isle to produce it. Between the costume, wig, and whispered voice, she hoped it would be convincing. She ran her hand over the wig as if it were her real hair, though she was careful not to jostle it so much that the pins holding it against her actual brown locks might come loose.

"Because I had to speak with you alone. Or else… I couldn't do this. Not in front of that replica." It had to be believable. Even though she hated calling Luke that, Natalia would see through her charade immediately if she didn't copy some of his mannerisms.

"Oh. But… what is it you want?" Her surprise was wearing off, replaced by wariness.

"To speak with you."

"Why? You've never seemed to make that a priority before."

Tear didn't take it personally; Asch was the one who had to answer for his callousness, and she was not Asch. But while in the disguise, she had to behave as he would, so she sighed. "I deserve that. But during our last few meetings, I could tell you wished to say more. I have tried to focus on duty, but… your sadness haunts me."

Her clear eyes slid away, pointing toward the door again. "I didn't mean to distract you. Don't be distracted anymore; please just… ignore me."

"I do enough of that as is. With good purpose, even if it means I cause you pain." Was she being a little too theatrical? It didn't sound much like Asch, so she tried to refocus. "Anyway, uh… please, go on."

"Go on with what?"

"With what you've wanted to say to me. Trying to work toward our goals keeps me so preoccupied that I think I've hurt you without meaning to. So… anything you've wanted to say to me, or shout at me, I wanted to try giving you a chance to do that."

Natalia merely sat for a moment, hands clenching on the sheets draped over her lap. "What could I say? You have a mission. There's… nothing that can be done to fix this until we save Auldrant, anyway."

"Say it now. When all this is over we could say more, do more. That's what I was trying to tell myself, but it's not enough. You look so sad every time you see me; that isn't right. Isn't fair to you."

"Is there something wrong with your voice?"

"What?" She cleared her throat and tried to pitch it even lower before whispering, "I haven't been feeling well. Just a little tickle."

"Well… okay, if you're sure? I could cast a spell to-"

"No! I mean, uh… it's not worth wasting your strength."

"Alright." With a little sigh, she focused on her hands again. "I still don't know what you want me to say. But if you're sure…"

Tear nodded enough so that it could be seen in the low light. "Yes. I want to hear this; I need to."

"This is so frustrating! I can't think of anything, except that… I miss you, Asch. And I wish you would just journey with us; I think we could solve this world's problems so much faster if we all worked together!"

"I know. I'll explain why we couldn't later." And he would, if Tear had anything to say about it. Both Luke and Natalia deserved answers for his stubborn refusal to cooperate.

"Why not now?"

"Because it isn't time. I know that isn't satisfying, but… please, there has to be more you aren't saying."

She wanted Natalia to really unload. There was a lot of hurt and pain weighing on her, and if she could get that off her chest, she would probably spend less time looking out of the Albiore's windows with a forlorn sadness none of them could touch. That was the goal of this exercise. Maybe it would do no good, but she couldn't bear to see such a kind-hearted princess carrying around so much agony. It was unjust.

"Asch… I can't." Her voice was strained, but resigned. "You can't talk to me, anyway, which is mostly why I'm upset. So how am I supposed to talk to you?"

"Try. And I'll have heard you."

"Heard me what? Am I supposed to confess that I'm in love with you?" Even as Tear's pulse skyrocketed, worried that this conversation would be far more than she bargained for, Natalia scoffed. "Come on. We've known each other our whole lives! Well… I guess we haven't, but…"

"I wish I could have done things differently." Which was probably true; she didn't doubt Asch had deep regrets about missing out on so much of Natalia's life, even if he might have no desire to get to know her currently. Only he could know that.

"I know you thought the God-Generals were doing what was right, but… you could have found a way to come back into my life, Lu- Asch."

Letting out a little chuckle she didn't truly feel, Tear breathed, "That's just it; I couldn't as long as the replica was around. He had to completely take my place. Not just a little."

"Maybe he has." They were both silent for a moment. "Do you even care about our promise to each other? I know we can't marry while the world is in danger… you probably don't want to, anyway. But does it mean nothing to you?"

Tear's heart was breaking. "Natalia… you mean so much. Not just to me, but to many people. Your friends would all die for you." This was what she had been hoping to say, and she was glad of the opportunity. "You're a kind, compassionate, noble woman now. And everyone can see that. Our childhood promise was important then, but who you have grown up to be is much more important. So… stay with Luke- I mean, the replica. Do your best for the good of the world and for yourself."

For a few seconds, Natalia pondered those words. At first, she thought maybe they had worked; that she had helped her get past her melancholy. That would be both astounding and satisfying. But as it turned out, she was mistaken.

"Something's wrong."

"Hmm?"

"You actually called him 'Luke' just now. I thought you hated him."

Tear coughed into her fist, trying to lower her whisper again. "Slip of the tongue."

"Under all that grumpiness… you like him. Don't you?"

"No." It was very hard for her to suppress her own personal reaction to such a question. Much though she didn't want to admit it, she had been drawing gradually closer to Luke. Ever since he discovered he was a replica, he had changed so much; become a kinder, gentler, more caring soul. And some of that caring was definitely focused on Tear. Her face was already heating up just from Natalia mentioning it. But she couldn't give that away with her voice while she was impersonating Asch!

"Hmm… alright." But she could tell the princess wasn't convinced; she was simply too polite to keep pressing the point when "Asch" was obviously uncomfortable with the discussion. Unlike Anise or Jade, who would have kept needling him relentlessly.

"We're not here to talk about that copy." But then again, they had already covered the main topic. "I'll… leave you be. It's late and you should be sleeping."

Even in the low light, the sadness that stole across Natalia's face was evident. "Oh."

"We'll meet again soon. And perhaps, when all this is over…"

"Of course." Smiling bravely, she squared her shoulders before adding, "Thank you for coming to check on me, Asch. Even if I'm still not completely sure of why you did."

"Neither am I." That much was pure honesty. Tear really had no idea why it suddenly become so important to cheer her teammate up in such a harebrained fashion. Maybe it was the one or two moments she had caught Natalia crying when she thought no one was looking. Maybe it was just that she felt a duty to a fellow woman who seemed to be suffering so much.

"Will… you come to visit me again? It doesn't have to be soon. But I like talking to you this way, without you feeling like you need to act so aloof and manly."

Remembering her current role, Tear folded her arms over her falsely-masculine chest and scoffed, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"It's alright. You probably think I'm trying to tease you, but I was just stating fact. All that posturing… it's not the Luke that I grew up around. Just a role that you play so everyone will take you seriously."

"Enough. I need to go." Clearing her throat, she added, "And… I may act like I don't remember that we even had this conversation the next time we meet. But please never think that you're completely unimportant to me just because of how I act. You have never been unimportant."

"Oh, I am," she laughed bitterly, wadding up the sheets between her fingers. "I'm a decent archer and can weave few healing spells, but other than that I'm pretty replaceable."

"Don't say that!" Tear found herself hissing, taking a step closer to the bed. "You're a beloved princess and a… a bastion of peace! And your healing spells are of great assistance to your team!"

There was a hint of suspicion in Natalia's eyes again. "You really do sound different tonight. But… anyway, you're wrong about that. We have an incredible healer with us. Tear is so much stronger, braver, and more capable with Fonic hymns than I'll ever be."

Such praise was so unexpected that Tear fell completely silent, a hand over her mouth. She meant to continue to build Natalia up, to both validate her as a person and reassure her that Asch didn't see her as worthless — even if that turned out to be a lie. No one could know that until the man himself broke his surly silence and actually voiced his feelings, if he had any buried under all that anger. But suddenly, the princess had turned the tables on her and she was the flattered one. Someone so regal really thought so highly of her?

Meanwhile, Natalia seemed to misinterpret the silence. "Alright, I know. You want me to acknowledge that I'm an asset to my friends. I guess they wouldn't want me along if I weren't."

"Yes, that's… that's better." After that awkward recovery, she took a step toward the door. "As I said, you will remain close to my mind as I do what must be done. Until we meet again-"

"Wait!" The word was said loudly instead of whispered, and Tear worried that she wouldn't be able to keep this meeting a secret if the others were awoken. Even though the hotel in Keterburg was quite expensive and well-built, the rooms weren't entirely soundproof.

But when she turned, she saw she had a new problem. Natalia had stood from the bed and looked as if she wanted to dash to her side. Though she raised a hand to ward her off, Natalia still took a step forward.

"Go back to sleep."

"I can't. Just… I need to ask you one thing first. Just one."

Gritting her teeth, Tear hissed, "Fine." It was what Asch would have done.

"Who am I to you?"

"You… are Princess Natalia. And a friend from the past. No more." She hated having to say that, but if she said anything else, it might lead to much worse misunderstandings in the future. Already, she had a feeling this was the worst mistake of her young life, but she wouldn't exacerbate the problem.

That feeling surged in potency as she felt two hands falling against the collar of her uniform. Tear took a step back, but Natalia pressed forward until she had her pinned against the door. All seemed dark around them, as Natalia's body was blocking out most of the light, far away as the window was.

"N-Natalia, please!"

"That's really all?" she insisted. Her eyes weren't simpering, or angry, or morose. It was an even, penetrating gaze.

"Yes! Now… stop this, I need- I really should have left already!"

"Asch, why can't you just be honest with me? Either…" Her voice tightened. "Either tell me I mean nothing to you, and you're only doing this out of some kind of weird obligation, or… or tell me… tell me that we could mean more to each other! But stop lying! I can tell you are, I just don't know what the lie is!"

Tear's throat worked, but she couldn't come up with another sound. This was definitely a disaster. As Natalia pressed in, she raised her hands to grasp at her shoulders, though her grip was so weak that she couldn't force the insistent princess away.

"Nothing? Really?"

"Natalia, I…" Her face was drawing closer, and she went entirely still. Terrified.

"I've wanted to be with you since we were children. Even before I understood what it meant to… to…"

Taking one bracing breath, she hissed, "This is… not proper. I can't answer you right now. Please, just… just ask again another ti-"

That was all the warning she had before sweet lips were attacking her own. It could be described no other way: hands clenching on her lapels, holding her in place against the door as Natalia kissed her deep, lips pursed hard. Tear had no idea whether or not it was a real kiss, because she'd never had one before. And now…

'Natalia is kissing me,' she thought in sheer alarm. 'This can't be happening!'

The worst part was that she wanted it to stop, but couldn't seem to do anything to make that happen. Natalia's grip was not fierce, she could have thrown her off easily — but her arms wouldn't obey her. Even the kiss was relatively gentle in spite of that initial burst of urgency, and did not feature an open mouth, which would have terrified her in all new ways!

Finally, the princess seemed to realise that her Asch was not returning the gesture, had not swept her into her arms and given her all she wanted. The lips withdrew, and the eyes sought shadowy ones slightly above her own.

"That… didn't feel the way I expected. It was… you were so gentle, and…"

Now that her mouth was free, Tear tried to form words, but what was there to say? It had been such a strange moment in her life that she had no idea where to begin. Eventually, Natalia seemed to notice that she was getting no response, and she took a half-step backward.

"Was I… was it not good?"

"What?"

"My kiss. Did I not do it right? I've never tried…"

She looked so forlorn and horrified that Tear answered before she had the chance to think. "The kiss was fine. You were fine; it's not that you did anything wrong! Please don't- don't ever think that, Natalia."

"Then what is the matter? You just…" Her hand crept up to hover just below her lips, and she whispered, "You really don't have those feelings, do you? For me. It's alright if you don't! But I can tell now that you… that what I did was over the line, and you weren't ready, or never wanted it, or… I don't know. But thank you for trying to protect my feelings. I'm just sorry it b-became necessary."

She wanted to comfort her more, to wrap her in a warm embrace and tell her that Asch did love her. But she couldn't outright lie; if it turned out Asch didn't love Natalia, it would break her heart so much worse to have been led to believe he did.

"You should go now," she said with a brave little smile. Tear was sure her eyes were watering, though she was having trouble telling in the low light. "I'll… yes, I think I'd like to get back to sleep."

"Natalia?"

But the princess walked calmly back to her bed and threw herself onto it face-first, shivering. To her credit, she was crying silently enough that the sobs couldn't be heard, and Tear only knew she was because of how close they were to each other in that moment.

This was her chance to exit. So why wasn't she taking it? She knew why. She just needed to find the right words before she could. And the right way to convey them.

Natalia stilled even more when she felt lips pressing into the sole of her bare foot — the nearest and most exposed part of her. Tear tried not to think too much about what she was doing or she might not have been able to go through with it. Either way, it was over in a fraction of a second, and once she pulled back she could see the misty eyes of the Kimlascan princess wide and focused upon her.

"You are worthy of love. I'm sorry I'm not the one for you here and now, when you need love the most. But please… don't think you are unworthy. That is the worst lie."

The confused green eyes seemed to be flicking between her foot and Tear, then focused on the latter as she stood and returned to the door.

"Will you… come back to see me?"

"We will see each other again. And I want you to remember what I said; you are brave, and strong, and beautiful. You deserve someone who can treat you as you deserve."

Then she slipped out, breathing a sigh of relief only when she was down the hallway. Near her own room's door, she heard Natalia's click open, so she hurriedly dashed inside and dove under the covers, but no one came knocking.

It seemed she had pulled off her charade, after all. But at what cost? Now Natalia probably thought now more than ever that Asch was harbouring secret feelings of love for her. There was no future in which this would not result in the worst of complications, for Natalia alone and for their entire team. And worse than that…

'She kissed me,' Tear thought again in complete shock as she slowly got ready for bed. 'And… I didn't hate it. Am I losing my mind?'

                                                          To Be Continued…

                                                          CHAPTER TWO

By morning, a groggy Tear Grants had almost forgotten about the entire incident. She dressed and showered, and then began to make ready to depart soon.

Until she saw the wig.

"Damn," she cursed as she hurriedly packed it in her trunk, the memories flooding back. There was no way she could have kissed Natalia the night before, was there? But she knew she wasn't drunk or confused by an enemy spell. This was her stone-cold rational brain telling her that the two healers had drifted a lot closer than she ever dreamed possible.

Or desirable. Though flustered by the attentions, she had definitely never wanted to know Natalia in a more intimate way. Or any other woman, for that matter. So why wasn't she able to brush this off? Why was the back of her mind torturing her about a kiss that amounted to nothing?

A knock at the door interrupted her frantic contemplation. Pacing over to yank it open, she beheld the princess in question. She was again dressed in her usual white-and-blue tunic, looking as distinguished and ready for adventure as ever she had — other than her besotted, transported expression.

"Come in?"

"Tear, you will never believe what happened last night!"

Already, Tear felt dread welling up in her stomach. But she had to suck it up and address the situation before it got even more of control. "Uhhhh, come in," she repeated while stepping aside. The less people to overhear, the better.

"He was really here! I… I still can't believe he came just to talk to me!"

Bumping the door shut behind the two of them, Tear tried not to smile ruefully. "Who?"

"Who else? Asch!" Natalia said in exasperation. "He flowed into my room like a shadow in the night, just to check on me! And I thought he hated me, Tear!" Both her pale hands pressed into her face. "Oh… I think I may have messed up, but I'm not sure!"

"Calm down, Princess. What do you think you messed up?"

Rubbing her hands up and down, she sighed, "It was all going so well… I mean, relatively speaking. And then I…"

Tear could feel her ears warming, and a bead of sweat rolled down her back beneath her brown military uniform. "Then… you kissed."

"Yes!" Natalia gasped in surprise. "H-how did you know?"

"Just a… lucky guess." Pulling at her collar, she asked, "Why do you think it was, um, a mistake?"

Twisting her fingers together as she paced back and forth, she began to ramble, "He seemed to just want to check in on me, and make sure I was doing alright, but I was- and he didn't even do anything to m-make me think kissing him was alright, but I did it anyway!"

"No!" The minute she gasped it, she could hear how insincere her pitiful acting sounded. Luckily, Natalia was very distracted.

"Yes! Ohhhh I feel like such a fool! Imagine, a princess throwing herself at a duke like a… a common street tramp!" Before Tear could reprimand her for looking down upon said tramps, she went on, "He was so sweet to me afterward, though; told me that just because he couldn't return my feelings didn't mean I wasn't worth returning them… I don't know, maybe he does like me more than he can admit? I would understand that! We're at war with the God-Generals, there's no time for… for me to be so selfish!"

Tear passed a hand over her eyes as she tried to regain control. Even though her voice was shaking, she told her, "Calm down, Princess. I mean… what happened? Why do you think there are more feelings there, under the surface? You said that, uhh…"

Her words petered out when she suddenly found a stretch of shiny black stocking inches from her face. "This!"

"What?!"

"He kissed me back! Sure, it was on my foot instead of my face, but don't you see?!"

As the toes wiggled within the stocking, Tear leaned slightly to one side to look into Natalia's passionate eyes. "Sorry, but… I don't. Does that mean something special in Kimlasca?" May Lorelei strike her dead if she had accidentally initiated some arcane Kimlascan mating ritual!

"Well… I mean, not specifically. But it means he really likes me! Seriously, can you imagine kissing a stinky foot of someone you didn't like? At least somewhat? So… s-so what if he does love me and just can't admit it? Maybe because he doesn't want to show any weakness that General Grants could exploit?"

"Oh, that's-" When Natalia pushed the foot closer, she reached up to force it away. "Hey! Listen, I'm trying to help, but I really just think you need to take a breath, o-or something! I don't know!"

Slipping her white boot back on and pulling it to halfway up her thigh, Natalia sighed, "You're probably right. Oh… Tear, I'm sorry. We don't know each other especially well. But you're my only friend- sorry, only woman-friend. The others are boys and won't understand, and Anise is…"

"Anise," Tear finished for her, and they both laughed. Then she raised a shaking hand to rest on her shoulder. "And… I'm probably not much better than they are. I don't understand these things; I'm a military mind."

"Yeah, but at least you aren't teasing me and telling me I'm making it all up in my head."

Tear's heart seized in her chest in sympathy. "O-oh… no, it isn't… I don't think that. I'm just not sure it's as deep as you want it to be. But you'll never know until you see him again."

"I guess not." A little smile blossomed on her lips. "That kiss though… even it might be the only one we ever have…"

"What about it?" As afraid of the answer as she was, she had to know. The whispers in the back of her mind needed to know if it had been something more than just a terrible moment to suffer through.

"He was sweet, Tear. Gentle… almost feminine, but strong…" The blush in her cheeks was very real and very rosy, and Tear could feel her own trying to match it. "I had given up on experiencing that with my Luke- or Asch. Either one! And even though I could never kiss him again, I'm glad I got to do it once."

The last bit distracted her from her own mortification. "You can never do it again? Why?"

"Hmm? Oh, well… he was scared. Or maybe 'alarmed' is a better word. I feel too guilty that I made him do something for which he wasn't ready to ever try it again."

"Oh."

"Besides, it's alright," she went on, crossing to look out the window. "I can wait for him. Now that I know he has some feelings for me, even if they aren't the same as mine…"

This was going down a dangerous path. She needed to tell Natalia that she shouldn't wait around for him. Because the real Asch might not have those feelings at all. But before she could speak up, Natalia was already heading back toward the door, having taken her silence as meaning their talk was over.

"Thanks for listening, Tear. I'm going to check in with the others."

"Wait, I…" Swallowing hard, she asked, "You're sure? About… all this?"

The smile on the princess's fair face was serene, confident. "He told me I was brave, and strong, and beautiful, and… worthy of love. What more do I need to hear?"

Then she was gone, and Tear had a real problem. One that only had one clear solution — not that it was terribly palatable.

                                                          ~ o ~

"You need another day here?"

Tear sighed as she rubbed at her face. "Luke, don't make me repeat myself."

"Why? I mean, Noelle said the Albiore needed some more repairs, but like, it's nothing we can't get done in Sheridan. And they're better equipped for all that, anyway."

"We should make sure the ship is skyworthy before we take off. Crashing is not going to make us move any faster."

Luke's crimson eyebrows narrowed as he stared at her, and Tear did her best to look completely unaffected. Detached. A skill that she excelled at most of the time. "Uhhh… fine, I guess. I'll ask the others."

"Master!" Mieu piped up, hopping next to his heels. "Why does Tear look like she's going to be sick?"

"Quiet," he said, picking up the cheagle by his blue-furred neck and holding a finger to his lips. He was still a bit unkind toward the creature, but leagues better than when they all first met. "It's probably something personal."

His round eyes went even rounder, and Tear had to suppress a comment about how cute the little fluffball was. "Personal? Like what?"

"I don't know! Maybe it's her lady-time."

That made Tear scowl. "My 'lady-time'? Really?"

Luke was at least smart enough not to respond to that.

                                                          ~ o ~

Tear's knuckles rapped on Natalia's door for a second time that evening, just after midnight. Maybe this wasn't the best idea but it was the only one she had; it was this, or wait for everything to explode spectacularly in her face at the least inopportune time. Besides, it was the right thing to do. Glancing around nervously, Tear slipped inside.

Natalia was already seated up in bed when she had been bade enter. "Asch" raised a finger to her lips to shush her, then turned back to ease the door shut quietly.

"Hello again," Natalia whispered — from immediately behind her.

"AH!" she gasped out. Just barely remembering to whisper, she hissed over her shoulder, "Why would you sneak up on me like that?!"

"Sorry!" Taking a half-step back, Natalia waited to be addressed again. Tear was distressed to see this nightgown was markedly shorter than the last one, falling around her knees. The princess was making an effort now that she thought her "love" might return. This was already out of control, and she had to make a concentrated effort to bring it back into some kind of manageable form.

"It's alright." Clearing her throat and trying to make the sound deeper, she went on in a whisper, "How are you this evening?"

Smiling slightly, she grabbed the hem of her nightie and curtsied slightly. "Very well, sir. Now, what's with being so formal suddenly?"

"I'm not. I just… needed to talk with you again."

"Wait," she cut Tear off. "Before you do, I have something to say. And it's important."

"Oh? Go on." But she didn't. She merely took another few steps back, fiddling with the hem of her gown. "Or… don't."

Shaking her head from side to side violently enough to make her hair bob in the moonlight, she said, "Sorry again. I'm nervous." Clearing her throat, she squared her shoulders. "First, um… I very much wanted to apologise for my behaviour. You clearly weren't ready for me to kiss you, and… and I know I made you uncomfortable, so I regret having done that without your permission, or your wanting me to."

"Oh." Putting her hands on her hips, hoping the stance looked vaguely more masculine, she announced, "I forgive you. Please don't worry about it anymore."

"W-well, I…. yes. Thank you." Bowing slightly from the waist, she rose to find Tear doing the same, and laughed. "You don't have to bow, too!"

"I do. Because… I also owe you an apology. Princess Natalia, I'm-"

"One more thing." Natalia's fingers pressed into her lips, and Tear felt her pulse quicken. "I wasn't quite finished. That part was… necessary, and I'm glad you forgive me, but I have more to say."

She nodded. What else could she do? The soft digits against her lips were already thrilling her in ways she wished they weren't. This was wrong! Not only was Natalia someone she never felt that sort of attraction towards, for a multitude of reasons, but Tear was there under false pretenses. Why did she still feel such a rush? Was she so starved for physical contact that even a slight touch of a woman's hand would make her heart ache for more?

"Though I'm sorry for the kiss being unannounced… I'm not sorry for the kiss itself. Because I do have very… very strong feelings for you, Asch. And I wonder if you could ever return those feelings."

"Please, I already told y-"

"I know! I know you did, and I'm not…" Shaking her head again, she clasped her hands just under her chin. "I know you can't right now. You said. But I felt your desire in that kiss, a-and in how you kissed my foot afterward. So if there's anything holding you back, but there might not be in the future, then I'll wait for you."

"You shouldn't do that," she warned her flatly, clenching her fists at her sides. "You should find happiness with someone else."

"There's no one else! Asch, I lo-"

"SHH!" To stop her from speaking those accursed words, Tear dashed forward and covered her mouth with her gloved hand. Natalia let out a surprised squeak, but didn't otherwise move or respond. "You can't say that! You… you don't mean it!"

Finally reaching up to grasp the hand, she stared up at "him" for a long moment. "Something's very different about you. I keep trying to figure it out, and I know you think I'm… it's like there's this rough outer layer that's been peeled away at last. Maybe that's stupid."

Hanging her head in shame, Tear turned to impatiently stalk toward the bed. Seeing that only gave her even more complex feelings, so she turned and paced the other way instead, bracing her hands against the chest of drawers.

"It's not stupid. I… it's my turn now. Unless you have to say anything more?"

One little hand rested on the crook of her arm. She felt stupid, just from that alone, and from everything else that had come before. "Go on. Please, I'm listening."

"Fine. I… I can't do this anymore. Even for your sake. It's so wrong; I knew it was, but I thought it could do some good! But clearly, I'm just ruining your life."

"What? You mean… searching for the God-Generals and the Key of Lorelei?"

"Not that. It's still important, I suppose." Even if Tear thought Asch was being too stubborn about not searching alongside them, she could at least concede he was trying to do the right thing. "But… I… I've been…"

"What? You can say anything to me." Her face was suddenly closer, but not pushing in for another kiss. Just closer to hear her every word.

Which was exactly why Tear couldn't just come clean and tell her who she was. Even though she had planned on it, she didn't want to see the hatred in Natalia's eyes whenever she looked at her. It would be unbearable. So she did the next best thing.

"I'm… not really Asch."

"What?"

"Sorry. I knew he would never come and say what needed to be said on his own, so I… took his place. Became his shadow to do the work he neglected. I thought it might keep you from feeling so hurt by his refusal to acknowledge you if I came here, and reminded you of how important you are. Instead, I think… I think I did more harm than good. You have no idea how sorry I am to have misled you, or made you feel, um, certain things. If I'd known you would kiss me…"

Her voice faded, and she no longer knew what to say. The hand did disappear. After a brief moment, Natalia whispered in a fearful voice, "Who…?"

"I can't say. If I could, I would tell you right now. But I won't lie about who I'm not anymore." That was the best she could do: admit she wasn't Asch without divulging her true identity. It was honesty without needless pain for the both of them.

"Y-you… came to visit me… I don't even know you!" Her hand clutched at the neckline of her gown, obviously freshly afraid of being alone in her bedroom with a strange man.

"You might, and you might not. But don't be afraid; I'm taking my leave here and now. You'll never hear from me again. I only hope you'll remember what I said last night. That you're a true beauty, and a force of nature. Don't ever doubt that just because Asch can't see you. That's his failing, not yours."

Tear had paced all the way to the door when Natalia caught her arm again. So close! Sighing, she held still and waited.

"Whoever you are…" Another slight step closer. "Thank you."

"What?"

"Thank you," she repeated gently, a slight smile trying to erase the fear. "I do wish to know who's wearing this Asch-suit, but I suppose it doesn't really matter. I… I can appreciate what you tried to do for me."

Shocked at how well Natalia was taking this, she gaped at her for a long moment. Her eyes were still full of affection, even if she was shaking now when she hadn't been before. No matter what the circumstances, she still believed herself to be alone with a man she didn't know; there would be no being at ease around each other as she was with Asch.

"Natalia…"

"But I should have known. I mean, you're so gentle; even if Asch kissed me, it couldn't be like that." Thoughtfully, she tapped her chin. "Not Luke, either…"

Sighing, she turned away. "I'm sorry I can't be more forthcoming. Really."

"Can I try something?"

"What?" But already, hands were slipping around her waist. "What's- hey!"

"Just… trying something." Her face raised up, close to Tear's — a hair's breadth away. "I won't kiss you out of nowhere again. I still feel guilty for that. But I wondered… if I came in this close, how you would feel about it?"

"I…" How did she feel? It didn't matter, really; that wasn't the most urgent thing. "You would still do this even when I'm-" She had come close to saying "a woman", but stopped at the last instant. Why? Because she was afraid of what Natalia would say. But that didn't make the slightest amount of sense. Telling her she was a woman would definitely drive her away, so she should be seizing that opportunity.

Shouldn't she?

"I don't care who you are," Natalia whispered, lower lip trembling now as their breath intermingled. "Or, uh… what I mean is… I do. But I don't care about your name, your face… titles. Just who you are inside. The one who dressed up like someone else and came all the way here, just hoping to make me feel less sad… whoever you are, however you know I was missing Asch and upset, I'm… I've never had someone care about me this way. Not just about my staying alive, like my friends do. But you… care about my heart."

The instant Natalia said it, she couldn't deny it was true. She did care. Maybe not to degree the princess was wishing, but she clearly considered it important enough to do everything of which she had been accused. Besides…

The lips were so close. And against all of her self-assurances, they were hard to resist. Having someone so open and welcoming of her affections made them grow within her from nothing. Or perhaps they grew from something, after all.

"W-wait," she breathed, pushing her lips aside at the last possible instant to land on Natalia's jawline. "We shouldn't, it's… I'm not someone you could ever be with."

"Are you my father? Or worse — Mohs?" When Tear shook her head, Natalia tittered, "Then I don't care. Whoever you are… my heart knows what it wants, and it wants the heart that tried to shield it from pain."

When did her hands begin pressing into Natalia's back through such a thin layer of silk? Her heart thumped even faster in her chest, louder in her ears. This was not only dangerous and bizarre, but it was happening so fast. Out of nowhere, she found herself whispering "Natalia" in a way she had never said that name before.

"What… can I call you?" she whispered back, her own fingers drifting up to play over the collar of the costume. "It doesn't have to be your name. It can be anything."

Without evening knowing why, Mystearica selected another short section of her full given name. "Ric."

"Ric. Alright…" Her hands slid up over the chestplate. Not that Natalia could have known what effect that had on Tear, feeling the slithering movement running past her peaks, but she had to fight down a pronounced shiver. "What do you want to do with me, right here, right now, Ric?"

"I… I don't know… I've never done this. Not with anyone, much less a princess."

"None of that," she admonished softly with a slight smile. "If I don't get to know who you are, you don't get to use me being a princess. No titles, no names. Just… you and me."

Her voice nearly broke, but she managed to maintain her whisper. "How can you be so, so… casual? Accepting? I might hurt you. Or… I might be someone that you would see in the light of day and never, ever be able to feel these feelings for…" To add insult to injury, she could feel her eyes swimming. "I don't understand…"

"Oh, Ric… come here." She kissed her cheek this time instead, and Tear appreciated the more moderate gesture. "Wow, you really are sensitive and sweet."

"I'm not. You didn't… I'm an idiot for doing this to you!" More kisses along her jawline, and she leaned into them even as she shivered, clung to Natalia like a lost little girl. She was so ashamed. All it took was one person being kind and gentle with her, providing her with the physical comfort she'd been so long denied, and she came apart at the seams. It was pathetic.

And it was getting worse. Natalia's lips worked their way down her neck and back up, and when she felt Tear shiver she drew back and whispered, "Sorry. That wasn't appropriate to the moment, I'm… I just want you to feel less afraid of me."

"I'm not afraid of you, Prince- Natalia." Her hands passed up and down the back through the silk, and she could feel every flex of muscle, every dimple of flesh. Hear Natalia's shaky breath so close to her own ear. "I'm afraid of this. Whatever it is."

The muscles flexed under her palms. "Mmm… Ric…" Tear took a step back instinctively. "What?"

"I…" Her hands came up and rested on Natalia's shoulders. "This is- I don't- we're moving too fast, Natalia. And you don't know what you're doing."

"Of course I do." Her hands grasped Tear's lapels and pulled her in close, forearms firmly planted between their bodies as she stared up boldly into her eyes. "Kiss me."

"What?!"

Her lips came closer, but stopped an inch away again. "It has to be you this time. You who claims me."

"You're such a…" A what? Tear didn't know what she had wanted to call her. A tease? Something worse? Either way, it faded from the forefront of her mind…

Their lips slid over each other eagerly as Tear's hands clenched harder against Natalia's soft shoulders, holding on for dear life as if giving into temptation would set her adrift in the miasma. There was no second of hesitation, no reticence from the Kimlascan royalty as they tangled their mouths and brought their bodies flush. The padding of the Asch costume kept it from being sorely obvious that she had a feminine form, but somehow didn't keep her from feeling the other one pressing in so close. Natalia was sweet, and warm, and perfect in her arms. This was everything she had wished for in the secret corners of her heart without daring admit she wished for it.

But with a woman?! Tear had never once considered that. Yet here they were, hands sliding into each other's hair. She knew she couldn't allow that; she broke the kiss and grasped Natalia's forearms to keep her from dislodging the wig.

"O-oh!" she breathed in slight surprise. "Ric…"

"Sorry," she told her in a gentle whisper, full of heat. "I… need you not to do that."

Her head dipped in silent apology. "Alright. Then… what about…"

When Tear saw her hands fall to her waistline, begin to hitch the silk upward, she yelped in surprise and covered her face. "Please! You are royalty, and I'm… you don't have to do that!"

"Alright," she breathed with a very quiet chuckle. She was laughing at her! "Too much, too soon. How about…"

Hands slid around her waist, and Tear mirrored the gesture as they kissed again. It felt so natural, so effortless now. This time, she was pushing her hands into Natalia's back through the nightgown on purpose, teasing flesh that she had nearly seen moments ago. Her stomach was twisting itself into knots. Lips fell to her neck and suckled hard, and she had to fight down a moan and turn it into a sigh. Every time they connected, it got easier and easier, and she knew that if she didn't break away right then she might always want more. And she couldn't even do that, knowing how important it was!

Before she could blink, they were sinking down into Natalia's bed, with Tear on top of the bold princess and gazing down at the way her shoulder-length hair fanned out around her comely features. Tear wished she didn't see that. She wished she didn't notice the bumps standing out in stark contrast against the chest of her nightgown. That she didn't feel something when seeing them.

"I've never…" Natalia wasn't unaffected; she was also surprised, swallowing hard when she realised how they were positioned, eyes glistening with shame as she averted them. "Ric, I'm a v-vir… I don't know how to…"

Surprised at herself, Tear whispered, "It's alright," instead of anything that would undo the damage done. She leaned down to kiss her cheek before adding, "That isn't what I came to do. I only… wanted to make sure you were alright. And to…"

"You don't wish to be with me?" The hand at her hip began to pet up and down. "I know this isn't why you came, but if you wanted me to… open myself to you, I would. I've never felt so strongly for a man before."

That phrase alone would have been enough to shake Tear from her need-influenced stupor. But the hand drifting around her hip to slide between her thighs did the job much, much faster.

"AH!" she squeaked as she fell sideways from the bed.

"Ric!" she breathed, rolling over to reach for her. "I- what's wrong?!"

"Nothing!" she hissed. But she already knew she had erred. The squeak had not been a whisper; Natalia had to know she wasn't a man now. And she had let so much happen that she never planned on happening! There was simply no way she could maintain her disguise with a hand fishing between her legs!

But Natalia was distracted by something else. "Ric… what's wrong with your…?"

The hand was just coming close to the wig when Tear realised what she was doing. The blasted thing was loose! Moving quickly, she shot to her feet and stepped out of range, hand on the wig to keep it from falling the rest of the way off.

"I'm sorry. I must… go for tonight." Her voice was taut as she took a step backward, edging closer to the door. "I would say… that I will never come again. I should. But I… I don't think I could do that to you."

Even from that far away, the moonlight managed to outline Natalia's slender neck working to swallow her fears down so she could speak again. "Please don't. I'm n-not sure what I did wrong, but if you- if it's so bad you have to leave…"

"It's never been you. I'm just… stupid." Then she turned to push through the door, running at full speed until she regained the safety of her rooms.

This time, Natalia did follow. By the time she pushed into the room, Tear had stashed the wig in a drawer and pulled the sheets up to cover the rest of her costume. She was shaking like a leaf, but hoped Natalia wouldn't notice that part.

"Tear? Are you awake?"

"Mmm?" Her voice was pitched extra high without edging into the falsetto range, just to throw her off yet more.

"Have you heard anyone going past this door?"

"Just you," she said in the same voice.

"Oh. Well… I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."

"Mmm."

But Tear didn't go back to sleep. In fact, she had a great deal to think about now, and the thoughts would plague her well into the wee hours of the night.

                                                          To Be Continued…

                                                             CHAPTER THREE

"Now that the repairs have been double- and triple-checked, we may as well be off this afternoon," Jade announced that morning at breakfast.

"Um…" Anise poked at her eggs with her fork. "That's great and all, but I think maybe Natalia and Tear are gonna need more time."

"And why might that be?"

"They look like death warmed over."

Anise wasn't wrong. Tear didn't even try to look at Natalia at all, because she knew they had both been unable to sleep that night. Even if Natalia wasn't fully aware of why. Her bones ached a little and her heart felt like a wrung-out sponge. Of course, that was nothing compared to how Natalia probably felt.

"It's my fault," the princess groaned, rubbing at her cheek. "I barged into Tear's room because… I thought I heard something. Probably made it hard for her to get back to sleep."

"Yes," she said, accepting the ready excuse. "But it's alright, really. I already had a lot on my mind."

Guy smiled easily, tilting his head. He may have been at the far end of the table due to his aversion to the so-called "fairer sex", but he always had a kind word for them. "Your brother?" When Tear didn't answer, he sighed, reaching the conclusion all on his own. "Man…"

"Well, it's settled," Jade announced with a clap of his hands. "If two of our number aren't feeling their best, we should take the day to rest and relax. Obviously, saving the world can take a backseat to adequate sleep."

Luke grimaced over at the taller man. "You don't have to be such a sarcastic jerk. We'll get going."

"No, I'm actually quite serious. There's a bit of further research into Fomicry I can conduct here in Keterburg. It could have waited a little longer, but with it being clear that more than one member of our team cannot perform their duties in top physical condition…"

"It might cost us our edge in battle," Guy admitted with a nod of his head. "I get you."

"And hey, maybe I can finally bust into the casino!" When the others looked down at her, Anise shrugged, her grin never leaving her tanned face. "What? It could happen!"

                                                          ~ o ~

But even when she was alone, Tear couldn't be rid of the thoughts plaguing her. Napping proved impossible, sitting around the hotel room drove her stir crazy, and walking around the town just made her teeth chatter from the cold while the thoughts persisted. Finally, desperate to find a way to get out of her own head, she returned to the Megalofrederica Spa.

Even after a swim and a bath, which did help relax her body somewhat, she found herself sitting in the sauna and hating herself. Natalia had trusted her — both Tear Grants, the tactician and fellow healer, and Ric, the apparently-desirable phantom — and she had let that trust lead to something terrible. She took advantage of a friend for her own selfish desires. Of course she remembered that Natalia had been the one initiating every advance, due to desires of her own, but that was beside the point; this time, she had only made the opportunities available. Waited for Tear to pounce. The last one that made Tear panic had been all Natalia's doing, but she was only taking the next natural step for the two of them.

Except it wasn't natural. Some schools of thought in Auldrant did acknowledge same-sex relationships, some didn't. Tear had never cared one way or the other. Now, she was forced to care. Could she ever be in love with a woman? Maybe. But it didn't matter. Natalia was not; she thought she was in love with some costume-wearing rogue, not an idiot who couldn't even manage to confess her previous sins.

Mid-thought, the door creaked open. Without even opening her eyes, she croaked, "Five more minutes."

"Wow. Who died and made you queen of the spa?"

It was Anise. That was just about the only thing that would make this worse. Throwing one arm over her eyes to shade them from the light from the door, she grumbled, "What do you want? I'm just not feeling up to being chatty right now."

"I want to get all steamed up! Seriously, what else would someone want when entering this room?" Shaking her head, she hopped up onto the opposite bench. "Geeze…"

"Fine."

A long silence passed. At first, she was pleasantly surprised; Anise was being silent for once! A quick peek showed that the girl was glancing at her, caramel-hued calves bouncing as she idly swung her feet above the tile floor. Maybe they would simply enjoy a nice, relaxing-

"Tear?"

Never mind. "What?"

"Did you and Natalia have a fight?"

"What?" she asked again, much less deadpan than the time before. "Why? I mean, why do you ask that?"

"You're both acting weird. And you barely looked at each other during breakfast. I might not be Jade, but I'm not dumb."

With a rueful smile, she muttered, "Sharper than those blunt-instrument boys, yeah." But when Anise only kept looking at her expectantly, she finally provided, "I'm not angry at her. Just… worried."

"We're all worried, but you look extra worried."

"I'm worried about her and Asch. I think she's going to get hurt if she holds onto him too tightly." At least that part was the truth; she could never tell Anise the rest.

"I'd like to hold onto him too tightly," she said with a lewd little smile. Tear rolled her eyes. That was about the level of response she expected from the boy-crazy teen. What she didn't expect was the follow-up: "But… I know what you mean. Nat keeps throwing her heart at him and he's not playing catch. It's kind of depressing."

After a moment spent blinking at her in sheer shock, she nodded her agreement. "Exactly. But how can I help her if I don't understand anything about this kind of thing myself?"

"Hmm. You got me. As long as I marry Luke or Asch, she can have the other one. Or maybe Emperor Peony. Or Jade, if he stops being intolerable. But yeah, nice that you're trying to help, anyway. I hope you think of something."

"Mm. I'll try."

"But I don't believe you."

"What?"

"I don't believe that you don't understand 'this kind of thing'," Anise needled, leaning over on both her hands and smirking up at Tear, crossing her legs in the opposite direction.

"Uhhh… what are you doing?"

"Where'd you get the love bite, hmmmm?"

That earned her a glare. "Anise, I don't have time for your games. What do you mean?"

"Right there." One hand drifted up, and at first, Tear felt certain the girl was going to grope her or something horribly offensive. But instead, all she did was poke the side of her neck.

"What? There's something on my neck?"

Anise grinned as her arm lowered again. "Yeah. A big ol' strawberry. So either you ran into a door at a weird angle, or a certain fon Fabre has been sneaking into your bedroom at night."

"I don't…"

It came to her in a flash. Natalia had kissed her there. One of those kisses had been more eager than the others. In their haste to explore and discover as much about each other as they might in that stolen moment, they had been careless.

"Fine, fine," Anise sighed, sitting back and readjusting the towel around her. "Keep your dumb secret. Even though I bet it's a really good one."

"Sorry," she told her in a quiet voice, knowing that anywhere other than that sauna, her blush would have been obvious. Anise wasn't wrong; the secret was extremely juicy. What was she going to do?

                                                          ~ o ~

Natalia was dining with Luke in the cafeteria when Tear entered. For an instant, she considered trying to back out slowly so as not to attract either of their attention. She didn't consider it fast enough.

"Tear!" Luke called out, waving her over. Natalia turned and smiled when she saw her there.

"Hello," she said shortly as she arrived at the corner of the table.

"Pull up a chair!"

"I don't have any food yet. I'll join you in a moment."

"The waitresses come to you, remember?" Natalia said with a warm smile, toasting her with her teacup. She still appreciated her help the day before, obviously. As she sat on the side of the table between them, she reached over and patted her gloved hand briefly. "Good. How was your spa visit?"

"Enlightening." Instead of elaborating further, she said, "How have your days been?"

Luke shrugged, hands angled back behind his head and elbows pointing at the ceiling. "Boring. And Natalia won't stop giggling to herself at random moments. It's weird."

"H-hey!" she protested, glancing at Tear and then back to Luke. "You didn't say anything about it before, so how was I supposed to know?"

He was just opening his mouth to retort when there was a crash from behind them. Tear twisted around in her chair, craning to see what the commotion was about. The blue-haired waitress, one she had briefly considered a fellow employee when she tried the job on for size, had dropped a bowl, shattering the contents everywhere. She looked thoroughly disgusted with herself and hurriedly cleaned it up.

"Wow, some people are just clumsy," Luke commented.

"It's regrettable." As she settled back in to wait to be served, she noticed Natalia was gaping at her. "What?"

"Oh. I… n-nothing." Her eyes turned down to stare into her tea.

But it wasn't nothing. Natalia was almost entirely mute throughout the rest of their meal together. Every time she or Luke attempted to engage her in conversation, she would murmur some brief response, then lapse into silence again. What was the matter with her?

                                                          ~ o ~

Asch. That had to be it; or "Ric", currently. That was the only conclusion that Tear could reach after hours and hours of contemplation. By nightfall, she knew that she had taken things so far with their strange dance that it had upset Natalia too much to reply. Maybe she had been putting on a brave face before, but apparently something about the sound of the bowl breaking had snapped her out of her pretense and back to reality. And the whole situation was her fault and hers alone.

So she donned her Asch costume and approached Natalia's door once again. This would have to be the last time. As much as a guilty little corner of her mind wanted to keep coming back for more, they couldn't; it wasn't wise, and wasn't fair to the princess.

"Come in," Natalia called out when she knocked, and she obeyed. There stood the regal form of the Kimlascan heiress, the floor-length gown from the first night enshrouding her in the low light. Her smile was guarded. "Hello, Ric."

"Princess." She pressed a hand to her chest and bowed slightly, then straightened to whisper, "I know you won't want to hear this, but I think we need to have another talk."

"I agree. But first… I just want to kiss you again. And I promise, I won't… won't um…"

Her hand gestured behind her to the bed. Tear dipped her head. "Thank you. I was not… I'm still not sure how I feel about that. Thank you for understanding."

"Of course." As Tear put her hands on Natalia's hips, she perched hers on Tear's shoulders in kind. Their mouths drifted closer, and again Natalia didn't bridge the gap. "You first."

"Your turn."

Her eyes crinkled with a smile, but it was sad, strained. "Are we taking turns? I didn't realise."

"I just…" Her stomach twisted into knots. "You still don't know who I am. It doesn't seem fair for me to kiss you purely because I want to, and to keep you in the dark at the same time."

"Ah. About that…"

But Natalia didn't finish her thought. Instead, she wrestled with something within her heart for a moment before she gave up and kissed Tear, a kiss full of measured action and chaste warmth. Gone was the reckless abandon of the last embraces, and Tear wasn't sure what to make of the change, so she simply stood there and held Natalia, allowing her to do as she pleased. The hands trailed higher to grip her collar and pull her a little closer…

Then pulled out and to the sides. Tear wasn't sure what to make of that, but the kiss ended and Natalia looked down at the collar, stared for a long, excruciating moment, and then looked away. Was she inspecting the uniform?

"Princess?"

"I told you… to call me 'Natalia'." After a few seconds spent rubbing the collar with her thumbs, she jerked backward out of reach, folding her hands in front of herself. She was visibly trembling. "Alright. I… I've had my kiss. What did you want to talk about?"

The actions were alarming, but she had no clear path to admonish her for them. So she cleared her throat to begin. "Natalia, I… I think we must cease these meetings. As I've tried to explain, you can't know who I am, and I can't move forward without telling you. A-and I know you would hate any other outcome, even if you don't think you would. So… so I can't see you anymore. I'm sorry."

"Oh." Her shoulders shrugged. "And… I guess I can't stop you, can I? Not when I don't know who you are."

"No."

"I see."

Heart breaking at the hollow expression on Natalia's face, she flexed her own fists uselessly at her sides. "But I really am sorry. If you think I do this frivolously, just to hurt you or… or because I'm afraid, you're wrong. There are reasons we could never- well… oh, someone else will come along and find you! And they will know exactly how special you are, a-and… and please, don't think-"

"You're really going to stop coming, aren't you? Because you're worried about…" A hesitation. Her voice was very careful not to betray any one emotion. "What people will think? Is that it?"

"What you will think. And other people, but only because it would impact you. Not because I care about them."

Her head nodded in acceptance of that. "Alright. I'm sorry to have put you in such a position as to have to… to worry about all of these things."

"Oh. Well… yes, but that's not what matters to me."

"You said it was my feelings. That I wouldn't feel the same way about you in the light of day." She bit her lip. "Maybe you're right. I can't know how I would react without trying it out. But… I'm sorry if it hurts you knowing this. I really am."

Something was wrong. Even more wrong than usual, it seemed to Tear. But she couldn't quite figure out why Natalia seemed so… dead. As if she were a ghost of her former self, haunting the hotel room for all eternity. It was almost worse than if she were outright sad, or angry. Now they were both shadows.

"Go. But know that I truly cherished our nights."

Tear took a step forward. "Princess-"

"Go." But she didn't; not right away. "Do you… not want to go?"

"I don't. But I need to."

"How did you feel about me? Before this."

Her shoulders sagged. "What does it matter?"

"I'll tell you how I felt. I thought… I could see a future with someone so sweet, and compassionate, and strong but not in the way my birth father is 'strong'. Someone who's always put my needs before their own, and proven that, even in- in only a couple of days."

"What are you…" But she shook her head. "No. You don't have to say this."

"I want to. I want you to know how I felt. Even if you never return to my room." Her hands drifted up, hesitated, then rested on Tear's shoulders. "Take me away with you."

"What?!"

"Let's go, right now! Or at least… if you could, would you take me somewhere no one would bother us? No one would… judge us in the way you seem to think we would be? Think about that. Would you want that with me? Or are my feelings only one-sided?"

Eyes welling up, Tear grasped Natalia's waist firmly. "I would! This isn't something I ever considered, it's intimidating, and- and irrational. But you deserve anything you could ever want. And I…"

Seconds passed. Natalia whispered, "You can't say that you want to be with me."

"No. But it's because I have no idea what I want. This is a part of the human condition that I've never understood."

"But if I wanted to be with you, that would be enough? You at least don't hate me?"

"Hate you?! How could anyone? I… I think you're incredible. And beautiful, and… well, you've heard me go on about you before. But if I wasn't worried about how things would turn out for you, and I didn't have duties of my own, then… then perhaps…" Her throat worked to swallow so she could get the words out. "I could see a future beside you, Natalia. Even if I can't right now, and I don't know if it's what I want… I could."

Her smile finally returned, subdued though it was. "That's all I needed. Now kiss me goodbye, if it must be our last kiss."

This time, their lips met on a more mutual plane. Hesitant, sorrowful, but grateful that they were allowed to meet. Natalia's head slid to one side, opening herself to more, and Tear took the invitation, running the tip of her tongue along her bottom lip. It was difficult, and strained, but somehow that made it all the sweeter. The raw honesty of this kiss.

Finally, it was Natalia who stepped back this time. She cleared her throat and whispered, "I won't keep you. Both of us have probably been losing sleep, meeting like this."

"Yes. But I have no regrets. Other than…" Her hand came up to cup Natalia's cheek. "Other than not being what you need."

"You are," she urged her, resting her hand atop the gloved one. "Even if I don't understand why, and how, and… oh, I wish you could stay…" She pulled away, chest rising and falling rapidly. "No, I- no. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel guilty, or anything. Just to know I won't forget you, and I'm not angry or disappointed. I'll do my best to understand."

"As will I. Because… I don't understand, but I want to stay, too. You'll never know how much."

"Maybe not, but I think I understand a little." They shared a sad little smile. "We can't always have-"

Tear held up a gloved hand. There was a little noise coming from out in the hall. She tiptoed a little closer to the door, listening hard.

"What is it?" Natalia whispered from right behind her.

"Shh!"

She listened harder… and realised it was song, coming down the hallway. As it approached, she listened to the drunken strains, and cringed when she recognised the two voices — ones she knew all too well.

"The bawdy old biddy from Belkend!" warbled Guy and Luke in something close to a steady key without quite managing to clap onto it consistently. "She had the most healthiest backend! She danced to a tune, from morning 'til noon, and the sight of it bouncing's a godsend!"

As they laughed all the way down the hall, apparently proud of themselves, Natalia hissed, "Those two! Can't they even pretend to be gentlemen?!"

"It's disgusting," Tear agreed, shaking her head. "It doesn't surprise me coming from Luke, but Guy?!"

"They're getting a piece of my mind in the morning! Tear, you'll back me up, won't you?"

"Of course. Everyone in the hotel probably heard them carrying on in such an inappropriate fashion! And the song had terrible grammar!"

"Those idiots. I don't know where they pick up such filth!" Sighing, she stood again, and Tear followed immediately after. "Now then… where were we?"

A little dazed by the distraction, she snapped back to herself. "Right. I was about to go, but I'm glad I heard them or I would have probably knocked them over on my way back… to…"

The two women froze. It seemed the moment had caught up to both of them in the same instant. A bird distantly called as it winged its way through the snowy foothills nearby.

"What… did you call me?"

"Hmm?" Shrugging, the princess said, "What do you mean?"

"A moment ago. You called me something else."

"Did I? Sorry. Wasn't thinking straight."

But Tear definitely wasn't satisfied with that. Taking a step closer, she demanded, "You used a very specific name."

"Sorry!" she insisted, backing up a little more until she was pressing back against the chest of drawers, eyes wide with horror.

"Why that name?" No response. "Natalia!"

She only stood that way for a moment, chest heaving, before she lowered her eyes, unable to meet Tear's anymore. They stayed like that for an eternity.

"Just go, Ric. I… I want to remember these nights the way they were. Preserve them in my heart. If you go right now, we can. It'll remain something v-very special that we'll… that we can always…"

They were both trembling by now. Very slowly, Tear turned to gaze at the moonlight filtering in through the curtains, her steps taking her only a few inches toward it before she stopped dead again.

"How long?"

It took a moment for Natalia to answer. "Since this afternoon."

"How… I mean, what did I…" Clearing her throat, she tried again. Her voice was still the same raspy whisper, even though she had a feeling she wouldn't be needing to do that anymore. "What gave me away?"

"You didn't. It was me. I wasn't…" Her voice sounded close to tears. "I didn't do it on purpose!"

"What?"

"Mark you. I just got excited, and…"

In a flash, the memory of Anise touching her neck came back to Tear, and she knew exactly what happened. Her hand drifted up to press into the area in question. "In the café. When I turned around… you saw it."

"Yes. And no matter how much I tried to tell myself… th-that two people could have hickeys in the exact same place… everything just… fit too well for me to lie to myself."

"Oh."

"Tear? I, um… I'm sorry. I was hoping you wouldn't figure out that I knew, and we could just close this chapter, and…" Tear turned to face her more directly in time to notice her bottom lip quiver. "And neither of us would be in pain. Well, not too much."

"It's me who should be apologising. Natalia, I… you remember, right? When I first came, I didn't mean to- I wasn't trying to lead you on, or ever-"

"I know," she assured her quickly, to cut off the painful confession. "This was all my fault. You were dressed as Asch, I p-put all of my pent up feelings for him and for Luke into you, I… I probably made you so disgusted! Throwing my body at you, a woman's body, and you were only t-trying to make me feel better!"

One of her shoulders shrugged. Finally, she dropped the whisper; the moment her normal voice sounded into the room, Natalia flinched. "Please don't hate me, alright? F-for… for making you… kiss me, when I wasn't the one you wanted to kiss. I really do care about you!"

"Oh," she scoffed, waving a hand back and forth as if these were trivial matters even though she was shaking like a leaf. "Honestly, it wasn't as bad as you're saying it was. You're a great kisser."

"What?! I mean… I am?"

"You really lit me on fire with those lips of yours," she confessed. Even in the pale blue lighting, Tear could see rouge rising in her cheeks. "Sorry if that sounds strange to admit now, but it felt so natural with you! And I knew something wasn't quite right, that you were too gentle and soft, but I was enjoying it so much that I tried to just… ignore that little warning bell."

A harsh little blast of amusement made its way out of her throat. "Wow. Meanwhile, I was mostly scared that I wasn't going to be able to stop. I'm just… no, nevermind."

"Go on. I mean, after what we've been through, I don't think it will matter if we talk about it."

"Well… I was going to say that I'm lonely. That sounds ungrateful, since I love having you all as friends, but I don't have anyone like… family anymore. No boyfriend or mother or father to hold me and tell me that I'll be alright. Being with you these past two nights is the closest I've felt to that in years."

Natalia took that in, staring out the window herself the way Tear had been. Then she whispered, "It's really too bad."

"What is?"

"That we're both women, and we like men. Because… I don't know… I think we had really good chemistry."

"Yeah," she admitted with a sigh. "Great chemistry. I didn't want to admit it because I was so worried about what you would think if you ever found out who I was, though. And all I ever wanted was to give you what you wanted!"

Smiling a little, she said, "You did? Well… I mean, I know you did, from what you said. But I guess that was one of the few things I've wondered about since I realised Ric was Mystea-RIC-a."

"I'm so stupid," she sighed, embarrassed beyond belief.

"Not stupid. But I did at least figure out why my advances made you panic; I was crossing a line that two women don't usually cross. A line teammates shouldn't cross, either. Even if you were the only one who knew. You tried your best to push me away, and I didn't let you do it. That's my fault."

Her eyes stayed squeezed shut. "Not entirely your fault. But I couldn't help that… that you… felt so good, I didn't want you to stop."

When she opened her eyes again, she saw that Natalia was no longer smiling. Delicate fingertips reached up to settle on her shoulder. "I know. No matter what logic I try to apply… it can't erase the memory of your lips on mine."

"Natalia…"

"Why didn't you ask me to stop sooner? If you don't want to be with a woman, all you had to do was say so."

"Because I would have sounded like… I was claiming Asch liked men." They both smiled in subdued amusement. "I was trying so hard not to say things that would slander him, even while making you feel less worthless. But seriously, he deserves a kick in the balls."

Startled by the off-colour comment, Natalia giggled nervously. "Oh! W-well, I… guess he does." They both shared a smile. "You really care about me, don't you?"

"Of course. I have ever since we first met; I admired your bravery for coming along, even if you were so ill-suited to the challenges we would face. But you eventually proved your worth, on top of your courage. I think you're incredible, Natalia."

Cheeks freshly flushed, she whispered, "I think you're incredible, too, Tear Grants. A skilled tactician and a true hero. But I didn't realise you thought much of me before these past few nights. Or until today, I guess."

"It's alright. We both underestimated each other a little, I think."

"Tear?"

"Yes?"

The fingertips moved up to alight on her jaw. Even the thread of their conversation thus far could not have prepared Tear for the words Natalia was about to speak.

"What if we erased those lines between us?"

                                                          To Be Concluded…

                                                             CHAPTER FOUR

It took Tear fully five seconds to form a response to that proposal. The first two were spent trying to figure out what she meant, and the next two on trying to gauge whether or not Natalia could possibly be serious. The final second was used to find her voice again.

"Erased- are you- do you mean that we should really-?"

"Shhh," Natalia bade her, free hand alighting on Tear's lips. "It's just an idea. You can tell me I'm disgusting and leave right now. Believe me, I definitely understand why it would not appeal to you!"

After a few more seconds ticked by, she managed to whisper, "Natalia, we're both women. I don't… I mean, it's not completely unheard of, but you- you wanted to pursue Luke! Or Asch! So why… would you settle for me?"

"'Settle'? Oh, Tear…" Her eyes were sad as the fingertips moved to cup her cheek. "You're not a consolation prize. You're a wonderful person! I just… well, I'll admit I'm not really sure how we would- there's a LOT that's confusing about- well, anyway, I think… if you wanted to try…"

They were both afraid of what it might mean should they move beyond friendship. Even if they had already tested those waters, it was under somewhat false pretenses. This would be openly acknowledging that, despite it not being criminally penalised anywhere in Auldrant, the behaviour was at least deviant. But there was one thing Tear needed to do before she could do anything more.

"What?" Natalia asked when she reached up. "What are you-"

"Testing you," she breathed, pulling out the pins holding the wig to her scalp. Once it was resting on the chest of drawers, she fluffed out her real hair before her hands fell to the buttons at the collar of Asch's uniform. "Or, well… both of us. Not just you."

Natalia took a step away, watching as Tear stripped off the cape, the ornamental tunic and the armour underneath. Once that was gone, her own form was revealed, wearing a simple grey shirt to protect her skin from the cold metal. She kept going, removing the gloves and boots to leave behind maroon leggings that complemented her shirt.

"A-are you through?" Natalia asked nervously. "Because if you keep going, I m-may have to avert my eyes. It's indecent."

"All of this is indecent. But… yes, I'm through."

"Oh. So… what's the test, exactly?"

Tear stepped closer, until they were inches apart. Now that the boots were off, she stood very nominally shorter than Natalia; it felt a lot more significant given that she was very nominally taller than her while in costume, enjoying the typical "male" height advantage.

"Can you accept me like this?" she whispered, gazing up into her green irises. "Even just for a night, or for longer, or… or at all. I'm a woman, Natalia."

"You really are," she remarked softly, staring down between them at their chests. "Much more of one than I am."

Tear dipped her head self-consciously, cheeks instantly warmer. Comments about her large breasts always caught her off-guard that way. "N-not what I meant."

"Plus I'm taller. Should I be the one wearing the costume?" Tear's embarrassed little smile made her laugh, even as she rested her hands on Tear's gently-flaring hips. "That's better. And… though I'm pretending I don't know what you mean, I do."

"Really? So… so what… I mean, how do-"

"I don't know. But I'm really starting to feel okay with finding out firsthand."

Her cheeks pink and her eyes wide, Tear whispered, "You… really should be wearing the costume. It's traditionally the man's role to be the decisive one. To… approach the lady, and begin the… the…"

The bemused grin preceded Natalia whispering, "You're so cute."

"M-me? Cute?" Tear loved cute things, but never had considered she might be one of them.

"Of course! But I've thought that before. I just didn't have a personal investment in whether or not you're cute until tonight."

"Really?"

The hand returned to her cheek, and this time she leaned into it, feeling helpless and lost and grateful for the comfort. It took Natalia a moment to answer. "Oh… this is so… it's so different than I expected, but I think… I don't mind. You're sweeter than honey."

Every word was making Tear's pulse pound harder behind her ears, her breath come in shallow gasps and tingles to shoot through the backs of her knees. Somehow, even though Natalia had never been someone she considered from a romantic standpoint before the past days, she had come to outshine any man who had ever caught her eye. It felt safer with her. It felt right.

"Tear?"

"Yes?"

Instead of a question, Natalia's lips formed a seal on Tear's, gently plying at them. Much more careful and exploratory than before, she pulled her face closer, delighting in the contact. Tear delighted with her. Every kiss before this had been a rehearsal for this one true performance. Now that Tear wasn't afraid, wasn't trying to be someone she wasn't, she could give herself over to it entirely without fear of recriminations or rejection.

As she had barely dared hope, Natalia took care of her this time. Before, she had thought she was kissing a strong man who needed no such considerations; now, she cradled Tear close as if she were spun glass. It would have angered her if not for the contrast from the last time. She didn't want to be treated like a man. She wanted to be loved for who she was, and cherished.

When they parted, she discovered that her back was draped over Natalia's forearms, head tilted back to gaze toward the ceiling. Natalia was bent over her and blinking down into her eyes. When had she been dipped so elegantly? The memory literally escaped her.

"You're really a woman!" she burst out, making Tear smile again. As she gently pulled her back to standing, her hand found the nape of Tear's neck. "Goodness…"

"And you're really- well, n-not a man! But… you know exactly what to… what I mean is, how do you know how to treat a woman like a lady this well?"

At that, Natalia grinned. "Finishing school. I mean, we were taught what to expect from a gentleman caller, to better prepare us for how we should respond. So I mean… well, I never expected that I'd need to, but I remember both sides of the lessons."

"Oh."

The anxiety in her voice shone through clearly. "So… I'm doing alright?"

"You're doing wonderful." Her hand came up to brush over Natalia's jawline. "But you don't have to be my 'gentleman caller'. We can just be who we already are."

"I am. The steps are helping me figure out how to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, that's all; it's still me."

"Still you…" Her hand passed over Natalia's shoulder, rustling her sleeve. Then she chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing. Well…" She could tell Natalia wanted an answer, so she embarrassed herself further by admitting her train of thought. "The nightie you wore last night. Where did you find that?"

Cheeks flushing a deeper shade, the princess admitted, "Here in town. I've never owned anything like that before — please believe me!"

"I do, I do. But it was very…"

"Yes, it was. Do… I mean, did you… like it?"

"To borrow or to watch you in it?"

"Either one, I guess. This is so confusing!" As they both giggled, Natalia shrugged. "If you want me to wear it, I could… change."

Tear felt panic trying to rise in her chest, but she forced it down. "S-sure. But I won't watch you change; I don't think I'm ready for… well, I'm just not ready."

So Natalia kissed Tear on the forehead, then trotted over to her luggage. Even the one tiny kiss made her giddy. Were they really doing this? Minutes ago, she had been trying to confess she could never return to her, and now they were contemplating kisses becoming part of their regular routine! The fact that most members of polite society would view it as taboo somehow did nothing to dissuade her. In fact, it only made the indiscretion all the more appealing.

"I'm ready, Ric."

Rolling her eyes at the name she chose, she turned around… and tried to pretend the sight of Natalia in the sheer nightie didn't set her pulse skyrocketing. But she managed to only squeak, "Y-yes. Ric approves. Also, Ric does not wish to be called 'Ric' anymore."

"Well, 'Ric' should have thought of that before telling me I could use 'Ric'," she giggled, pacing back over and grasping Tear's hands, pulling her toward the bed. But Tear dug in her heels. "What's wrong?"

"O-oh, I- no, nothing, I'm- I didn't think we…" Swallowing hard, she glanced toward the window, then back at Natalia's curious features. "Are we… going to bed? Together?"

"I thought we could lay down together. And maybe… find out what happens when we do."

By now, Tear felt like she was boiling, and was secretly grateful she had shed the heavy armour. As she tugged at the neckline of her tunic, Natalia released her and sat down on her own instead. She crossed her legs, watching Tear's eyes follow the movements. She knew exactly how much leg she was showing off in that moment and didn't seem to mind in the slightest.

"What?" she finally prompted.

"Natalia, you… don't give yourself credit. You're every bit the woman I am, and more."

Her smile was obviously pleased. But Tear still couldn't seem to drag her eyes upward. In reality, it was because she felt too guilty to look at her torso or her face in that moment. However, Natalia seemed to misinterpret the gaze. "Tear, there is… something else I've been wondering about. And you wouldn't comment on it when I came to you the next morning."

"What?"

"This." Her leg raised and she poked her stomach with her toes, causing Tear to back up a step and clutch the prodded area. Natalia laughed, "Sorry."

"My stomach?"

"No, no! I meant… when I was crying, and you kissed my foot. I didn't know… what I mean is, I wasn't sure why you chose to do that to make me feel better."

Tear nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Sorry. I don't know, either. It just seemed… I don't know, I wanted you to know I meant it. And the words alone weren't enough."

"But you could have kissed my cheek — or pet my shoulder, or my back."

"Oh… I guess so."

"It's alright," she assured her when it became obvious Tear had no idea what to say, lying on her side on the bed comfortably. That position did set her at ease, even if she couldn't bring herself to join her. "I just wondered if that was some kind of Malkuthian ritual I didn't know about that Asch had picked up in his travels."

"Really?" Tear asked, surprised. "That's funny, because… I was worried it was a Kimlascan thing!"

"What? But you're the one that did it!"

Laughing now, she held her arms behind her back shyly. "Yes, but… you made such a big deal out of it and I didn't know why, so I was worried I had accidentally asked for your hand in marriage. Or your foot, I guess." They both chuckled a little. "But y-you're right, it was a strange choice."

"I see. Well, it doesn't matter; you don't have to degrade yourself like that again just to make me feel better."

"Degrade myself? Oh, don't exaggerate; it was fine. And it seemed to make you feel better, so I have no regrets."

"It's not degrading to literally fall at my feet?"

"Not when they're the perfect feet of a princess, no." The instant she had said it, she slapped a hand over her mouth. "O-oh, I… that wasn't supposed to sound so…"

But Natalia was equally embarrassed. "What do you mean, perfect? I mean… my feet are just feet."

"They are perfect. I mean, all of you is." But Natalia seemed to be waiting for more, so she sank to her knees beside the bed and poked one of Natalia's ankles. "You have the cutest toes."

"Oh… well, I guess that makes more sense now. You're such a fan of cute things." Tear bent down, and Natalia began to ask, "What are you d-"

But the kiss against her toes came before she could finish the question, cutting off her words. Not that Tear didn't already feel completely foolish for doing it, but it was important that Natalia know she was serious. More kisses followed, Tear hoping to show her so much affection that she would never question it again. When she felt toes twitch under her lips, she pulled away, turning to see her reaction.

Natalia was definitely a blushing mess. But she was also smiling. "Wow. Tear Grants, you are… smoother than you give yourself credit for."

"What?! I'm… I'm smooth?"

"Definitely. My cute toes agree with me. You made us feel very cherished just now." When Tear only bit her lip, uncertain about what she should do next, Natalia's smile widened and she reached out a hand. "Come up here with me. Come on."

So Tear climbed onto the bed next to her. At first, she was straddling her hips, but they both seemed to realise that was unseemly and shifted a moment later so they were lying on their sides, gazing into each other's eyes. One of Tear's hands came up to comb gently through Natalia's soft hair, earning her a hum from deep in the princess's throat.

"This is crazy," Tear whispered as she felt two knees wrap around one of her own. "Are we really…?"

One of Natalia's shoulders rose up toward her rosy cheek. "I guess we are. But… it's alright, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I think it is. Does… that make us…?"

"I don't know what it makes us. Maybe nothing. Maybe… everything."

Their lips met again, and this time Tear was able to give her the level of desire she gave her before she had been revealed. Natalia shocked her even more by responding — not only with gratitude, but with an incredible level of sheer willpower. This was important to her now. To both of them, but Natalia seemed to be trying even harder to prove something to her.

Before she knew it, she felt their hips shifting. A thigh was pressing between her own, and she knew one of hers was between Natalia's. Could feel the heat seeping through layers of fabric. This was far beyond anything she had imagined ever doing at all, much less with a woman! The few times she had dared imagine something remotely close, it was Luke — not that she would have ever admitted it to him, or anyone else.

And then there was Natalia Luzu Kimlasca-Lanvaldear. How could a princess be the tiniest bit interested in some Order of Lorelei reject? She could have princes and kings falling into her lap, and there she was, welcoming her into her bed. And it was all happening so fast! It made her own daydreams seem pathetic.

"O-oh," Natalia finally gasped as they broke apart, panting for breath. "Do you… feel that? Is it just me?"

"Not just you," Tear assured her, petting over her cheek and neck. "Are we… i-is this-"

"Is it?"

Licking her lips, she whispered frantically, "But we're women, what will we…?"

"Well… this seems to be working so far." Natalia gave a few more firm thrusts against the thigh clamped between both of her own, and her luxurious eyelashes fluttered. "O-ohhh… oh, Tear…"

Maybe that was enough. It was not, according to everything she had learned about the birds and the bees in school. But Natalia certainly didn't seem to need anything more. So she began to thrust in tandem, moaning into the pillow at the sensations assaulting her. Even through her leggings, it was overwhelming! As they grew accustomed to the actions, to the results of them, they began to move faster, more roughly.

"Natalia," she panted some minutes later, kissing down her jawline to her neck.

"Oh!" she gasped out, arching her back when she felt teeth raking along it. "Nnhh, oh that's so good…"

"Mmhh… yes!"

One hand drifted up from her back to pet up and down her chest. The sensation made Tear flinch out of instinct, but then the fear gave way to pleasure once she got past the initial reticence. That definitely added something to their encounter.

"You like that?" When she could only nod weakly, Natalia squeezed one of her breasts and prompted a long moan. "You do…"

After another few squeezes and further grinding of their hips, Tear managed to whimper, "How are you… doing this to me? Are you even… real?"

"I could ask you the same thing! This morning, I thought… some mysterious stranger was falling for me…" Her lips pushed up and into her neck. "But instead, it turned out to be my best friend."

"I'm your best… best friend?"

Letting out a breathy chuckle, she demanded, "Who else could it be? Anise?!"

"Stop," she laughed, and the laugh turned into a long moan at a particularly firm grope. "O-ooh… m-my…"

They both fell silent for a few minutes — that is to say, in terms of words. In terms of sounds, the room was filled with grunts and sighs, the occasional half-scream. And their hips were shifting faster than ever before, causing the rustling of fabric to nearly overpower their other noises.

"Can I… take these off?" Natalia finally asked, her hand falling down to tug at Tear's waistband. When Tear nodded, they both shucked the leggings so fast that she felt nails raking down her calf, and honestly couldn't tell which of them was the culprit. Then they resumed, both sets of legs nude as they entwined.

"OH!"

Nodding into Tear's shoulder, she whispered, "Yeah! It's so much more! I can feel… feel how wet you are…"

Completely mortified, Tear pushed her face into Natalia's hair to hide. The sounds her body was making were so undignified! But gentle hands on her back and combing through her hair soothed her until she felt less ashamed of how eager her body was for Natalia to sate its needs. It also helped that she could feel much the same through the princess's undergarment, but she didn't dare mention that. No matter how heated their dance had become.

"Natalia!" she finally panted some minutes later. "Something's… I d-don't know, I'm… nhh!"

After a few more thrusts, she seemed to focus on Tear's outcry. "Are you close?"

"Close to… what?"

"Oh honey…" Her hands moved up to rest gently against Tear's collarbone. "It's your first? Well… I can help you with that. Here, let's set the scene properly…" Gentle hands removed her grey tunic, as well, leaving her entirely bare. Though her hands fell to hide her body, Natalia gently held her arms away.

"N-no…"

"Yes, Tear. You're so beautiful! You don't have anything to be ashamed of."

Her eyes watered as she gazed up into the green ones, saw Natalia's pink lips pull into a smile. Her heart was already trying to thrash its way out of her chest, but now she felt a twisting in her stomach along for the ride. Her lungs burned as she tried to think of what to say.

"So are you. B-beautiful." It was woefully inadequate, but she had to try.

"Thank you," she said with a lilting titter. "Now… come for me."

"What?" But Natalia began to grind her leg into her wetness again with twice the vigor from before, and she lost all power of speech. "A-AH!"

That was the last thing she could say that resembled a word for many minutes. Natalia's skill was unimpeachable as she assaulted her body with more glorious sensations than she ever thought possible. The pleasure built and increased until she felt that something approaching once more, but this time when her cries got louder, Natalia only sped up instead of slowing down to wait.

"Come for me!" she whispered heatedly into her sweat-dampened brunette locks.

"Natalia! Yes! I… I…!"

And she did. The squeal that ripped its way out of her throat when she reached her first orgasm was high and piercing, but she couldn't even care. That was what Natalia was trying to do: bring her fully into the sorority of womanhood. And in the arms of a princess.

"Almost!" Natalia started panting, even before Tear's aftershocks faded. "I'm… alm- I'm almost- almost there!"

So now it was her turn. Tear began to rake her hands up and down Natalia's back, hoping it would do something to spur her on. The sounds seemed to suggest it was working. Her teeth again fell to her neck, raking down to collarbone before she let her tongue slip out to trail its way back upward. One hand came to perch on Natalia's backside, gripping hard.

"OH! Ooh, I- I don't know how I feel about that!"

"I'm sorry!" Tear breathed fearfully, jerking the hand away.

"No, it's… I might have liked it, but I can't… it's so much!"

Tear sensed that she needed very slightly more. Running her hands up and down again, she then snatched up the hem of her nightie and began pulling it up and off. Natalia cooperated, allowing her body to be exposed much more readily than Tear had.

And there were the pert peaks she had glimpsed poking at her through the nightgown. They were small and pink, and to her way of thinking, much cuter than her own larger, darker nipples. Once they returned to their frenzied pace, she watched in awe as they bounced up and down - or rather, from side to side - thinking that her own had been doing the same and wondering if Natalia was watching them.

She was. When she saw the green eyes pointed that way, she smiled slightly and whispered, "You… like these?"

"Huh? O-oh, I… yeah…" Her face was already too flushed and sweat-coated for this to make any difference, but the way she ducked her head still portrayed her shame clearly enough. "Always was a little… jealous of your body… but now it's…"

Jealous? There was no call for that. So as they writhed, Tear pulled Natalia's face down to nestle between her breasts.

"Wait! What are… mmhh…" It took very little time for her to relax, nuzzling the valley between Tear's ample mounds. And not long after that for her open and panting mouth to leave wet kisses all over its skin. The actions threatened to get Tear going again, but she forced herself to focus on bringing her friend as much pleasure as she possibly could.

It didn't take long after that. Another minute or so of writhing, and Natalia was hissing, "I'm gonna come! I… I want to, I want to do this with you!"

"Yes…" One of her hands wound into Natalia's short hair and gripped, and the princess seemed to melt for a moment. "Is this alright? Are you alright?"

"Yes! It feels so incredible!"

"Mmmmhhh… then come for me, Natalia!" Swallowing her shyness, her uncertainty that anything she was doing could backfire on her, she added, "I want… I want to hear you moan my name!"

That had the desired effect. As her hips rolled faster than ever, she panted, "TEAR! Yes, Tear, yes! NNHAAAHHH!"

Tear held her body close, clutching at her back as she rode out the waves of pleasure in her arms. It was one of the strangest things she had ever experienced, even compared with watching whole continents sink into the Qliphoth. But the princess was a vision — a goddess unmade. Sweat gleamed all over her body as she cried out, back arching and trim stomach flexing with every movement. Then, little by little, she sank down sideways into the bed.

Minutes ticked by as they regained their breath. Then Tear whispered, "Natalia… we…"

"I know," she breathed back, eyes fluttering open again. "We did."

"What does it mean? I… I've never felt anything like that… before…"

A delicate hand came up to comb through the hair that had fallen into her eyes. "Mmmhh… it means whatever we want it to mean. For now, I just… am really, really happy we did this." When Tear's face pulled into a bashful smile, she nuzzled in closer. "And for how cute you are."

"N-no I'm not," she whispered, which only made Natalia nuzzle more, and her smile widened. "You really think so? I've had so many people tell me I'm… cold. A 'bitch'."

"Well, you are, in terms of how you treat the average person. But that's not all of who you are."

"Oh," she breathed softly, smile falling. But immediately, lips were pushing into the corner of her mouth. "Wha-?"

"You're very kind, and thoughtful. You just become all-business when it's important to be all-business, and some people don't know how to take that coming from a woman. That serious, tactical mind has saved our lives so many times!" Her lips moved to her jawline, leaving a string of little kisses all the way to her earlobe before lapping at it gently, earning a soft mewling from its owner. "Then, when you don't have to charge into battle or take care of a dire problem, you turn into this sweet little kitten."

Her heart was pounding again. "I do? Really? No one has ever…"

"You do."

Throwing her arms around Natalia, she pushed her eyes into the side of her neck as she trembled. "I-is it alright if I never leave you, ever again? Because… no one's ever said anything like this to me! Or made me feel like I have any value besides as a fighter and a healer! I feel s-so…"

Lips pushed into the crown of her head as gentle hands caressed her sweat-dampened back, trying to soothe her sobbing lover. "Shhhh, it's okay. It's okay, Tear; I've got you right here. And I'm never going anywhere."

They stayed like that for quite some time. When they finally realised the hour grew late, Tear sat up to take her leave, feeling arms slide around her from behind and smiling.

"It's amazing we resisted for so long," Natalia admitted. "I feel magnetically drawn to you."

Giggling, she glanced down at the hands so near her chest. "I think you're just magnetically drawn to my breasts." The hands raised to grope them roughly, and she let out a shaky, "Ohhh…"

"Maybe you're right."

Tear could feel arousal building again after a few moments of fondling. Somehow, the sensation of two little pink peaks against her own back only added to the heat it created. A thumb and forefinger pressed into either side of one of her own, and she sucked in a sharp breath.

"Tear? Is- are you alright?"

"Yes, I… nnhh, it's too much…" The hands vanished, and she breathed a sigh of mingled relief and disappointment. "Wow."

"Sorry." Her face edged around Tear's side and kissed the nipple in question. "All better?"

With a blast of exasperated laughter, she said, "You know that's only making it worse." Natalia held her gaze as she wrapped both lips around it, and Tear's smile faded as her eyes slid closed. "A-ah…"

That went on for longer than either of them would care to admit. Natalia seemed content to try, and Tear couldn't muster the willpower to fight her off. After a moment, she switched to the other peak, and Tear wound a hand into her hair to hold her there. It was strange, but she had a feeling that just about any partner she had taken to her bed would have attempted the same, given her bust size.

"Y-you don't have to stop," she whispered when Natalia sat back and tucked a flaxen strand behind her ear, clearing her throat in embarrassment. "Not if you're, um… enjoying that."

But the princess only shook her head. "It's getting really late. And it's probably strange that I just spent so much time on your breasts when I didn't think I had any interest in them before. Any breasts!"

"Don't worry about it too much. All of this is strange for both of us."

"You're right about that!"

Almost afraid of the answer, she whispered, "You really… like them? Mine."

"Almost as much as you like my cute little princess toes," she joked. But when Tear only dipped her head further in shame, Natalia kissed the side of her breast before sitting up more to stroke her cheek. "I was only teasing. Sorry."

"I-it's alright. I do think they're cute. And so are your breasts, by the way; I didn't really comment, but… I… where are you going?"

Though she had been afraid Natalia was leaving, she released that fear when she saw her kneeling on the floor. "Nowhere."

"Oh. Then what are- Natalia!"

A storm of different emotions welled up in her when she felt the princess's lips meet the tip of her big toe. Mostly shame that she was doing that for her, but also gratitude that she was so sweet and kind. Shock that someone of such high standing was doing something so servile and degrading. She tried to curl her toes away from her, to cease such a ridiculously unnecessary display of affection, but Natalia raised her calf enough to kiss the tip of each toe even with them curled. What a stubborn Lanvaldear she was.

"A-alright, I get it," she finally laughed nervously when she felt her switch to the other foot, kissing under the toes, down along the arch. "You want us to be even."

"I want you to know your toes are cute, too," she said as she moved up the ankle to the calf. "That I'm not 'the beautiful one'. You are so beautiful!"

"Natalia, you don't have t… oh. Are you going f-"

Fingertips pressing into the insides of her thighs until they parted cut off all further words. From that moment on, she couldn't speak; lips were tugging on the fur above her obscenely wet sex. They didn't stay there long, trailing downward, and she threw a forearm over her eyes as if it would help block out what was happening next.

"Ah!" she gasped, falling backward onto the bed.

"You're so sweet," Natalia purred before kissing again. There! Why would she want to put her mouth on one of the few places that had to be dirtier than her feet? But the lips pressed into other lips again, sliding amongst them, parting them just enough so that a wayward tongue could experience her sweetness again. "Nnhhh… thank you."

"Mnah?" she managed to ask. Not that it was truly a word.

"For this feast. Thank you, Tear. I want to devour all of you."

Everything bled together after that. Tear raised her legs, balanced them on Natalia's back as she felt the tongue bringing her even more pleasure than riding her thigh had done. She couldn't even tell how long they had been at it when another finish burst over her and shot into every bone, every vein. But it was fantastic.

"Don't…" Clearing her throat, she pushed up onto her elbows, the simple action causing her far more difficulty than it should have. "Don't tell me… you learned that at finishing school!"

"I didn't," she giggled, licking her lips clear of essence that Tear couldn't believe was there. "But I heard things. Enough to have an idea of what to try."

"Maybe… I can try that on you… another time?"

Cheeks already flushed but her eyes and shy smile now matching the redness, Natalia whispered, "I would love that. But I can't expect it from you tonight; not after I wore you out so badly."

"Thank you for… for understanding."

The time had come for Tear to dress and return to her room. Natalia dressed her, taking great care to kiss any area that was about to be covered up, and Tear found her eyes welling with tears from the careful treatment. By the end of it, there weren't many places that Natalia's lips hadn't been.

Natalia only pulled on her nightgown to see her to the door. Tear wanted to repeat the same actions, kissing soft peaks and tapering legs, but found she was still too winded; that would be a debt owed until another night. They shared a brief kiss on the inside of it before they eased the barrier to the outside world open.

"I'll see you in the morning," Natalia promised with a small smile. "And for a lot of mornings after that."

Bowing very slightly, she whispered, "Okay." Then she put the wig back on. "I feel stupid wearing this now."

"Hey, it was kind of sexy for a minute," she chuckled under her breath. "But yeah, I'm pretty sure we don't need that anymore. We can just be ourselves."

"Ourselves." Darting in, she left another brief kiss on Natalia's lips that gave her a head rush, because the door was technically open. Not that anyone was up that late. "Sleep well."

"Goodnight, Ric." Then she closed the door before Tear could complain about the nickname, a giggle floating out from the other side.

                                                          ~ o ~

"I still don't see why we have to stop at Nam Cobanda Isle again!" Luke was complaining as they rode the elevator up. Mieu was sitting on his shoulder, happy as a clam to be there. "There's nothing important here; just a bunch of theater weirdos and Fon machines!"

"Fon machines," Guy droned in a trancelike voice, drool emerging at the corner of his mouth.

"Be quiet, all of you," Natalia warned as the car came to a stop, the door hissing open. "Do whatever you want; Tear and I have to drop something off. Maybe go play that game-machine with the dragon."

Anise sighed, arms behind her head as she walked along. "Boooo, that thing is so annoying. Every time I get to the final boss, he kicks my butt!"

As they left the elevator room, Jade said, "Hmm." Once Tear had turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow, he said, "I wonder if the Keterburg Hotel has an infestation of some kind."

"Why do you say that?" Natalia asked.

"Both of you have similar red marks on your necks. If there is a pestilence in the hotel, the staff ought to be notified so they can rectify the problem. A high-class establishment such as that can't afford such a blow to their reputation."

Immediately, Anise was turning wide eyes on Tear and Natalia, a budding smile on her lips. Guy and Luke looked completely oblivious, the former already wandering off to look at the Fon machinery. Jade, on the other hand, was intensely suspicious as always, and Tear had to carefully compose her face to keep from giving the shrewd man anything more to latch onto.

"Who knows?" Natalia said easily, and Tear admired her ability to stay cool under duress. "Maybe we're both allergic to the tea."

Carrying the package between them, Tear and Natalia left the others behind and made their way between stalls and displays until they found the costuming department again. Every few minutes, they exchanged a smile or a giggle; it had been that way since they met for breakfast, and while making ready for departure. Every spare moment was used to share a stolen kiss. Neither of them were ready for the rest of the team to find out they were intimately linked… but they saw no reason that should mean denying themselves such simple pleasures.

"Ah!" The woman was still in her overalls when she spotted Tear and the package. Either that, or she owned several pairs. "Returning the costume already, I see. That was fast!"

"Thank you very much," she told her with a slight bow as Natalia handed it over.

"Did you get everything you wanted out of it?"

"Yes," she said with a slight smile, glancing in Natalia's direction. "I did. But you were right; it served its purpose and now someone else can make use of it. Tell Noir it's perfect."

All was quiet as the two newly-awakened lovers enjoyed a shared moment. Though Tear had been deathly afraid her idea would backfire, and it had, the end result was beyond her wildest dreams. In trying to help a friend, she gained someone to share her life with.

Then the woman muttered just loud enough for them to hear, "Which one of you wore it?"

"Hm?"

"Which one? I have a feeling it was you, blue-eyes, but I guess it could have been the blonde."

"I'm s-sure we don't know what you're talking about," Natalia told the sly-eyed woman.

"Ohhh, I'm sure you do. I've seen that spark of young love many times over the years, and when this one came in-" She indicated Tear with a nod, who dipped her head in shame "-she had all the obvious signs. Even if she probably had no idea herself."

Leaning in, Tear desperately pleaded, "Keep your voice down! We… I mean, this isn't- I don't want anyone to think-"

"Oh, don't worry, I won't go blabbing it around elsewhere. I know how stuffy and repressive some of the other cities can be. But nobody in Nam Cobanda would care about two young ladies finding each other in this mixed-up, crazy world, I can promise ya that!"

"Thank you," Natalia told her even more urgently with several bows, face white as a sheet. "Not that I'm confirming what you're accusing us of, but I… thank you for your discretion!"

Laughing merrily, she got the costume and wig laid aside and reached up to pat a cheek on each face. "Happiness and prosperity to the both of you. Nothing would thrill me more than to know I helped a young couple beat the odds — especially when they're so much bigger odds than usual." Then she turned away as if she had decided she were done with them. "Come back soon!"

As they made their way toward the Albiore, Tear walked a little closer to Natalia and whispered, "How could she know? I mean — th-that's so… I never said a word!"

"Maybe she has psychic powers," Natalia mused, eyes wide with disbelief. "With everything we've seen, that's not completely unrealistic."

"Yes. I'm worried she could be a threat to us."

"Oh, don't be silly; she just wants us to be happy." Her hand slipped into Tear's, and though she tensed, a moment later she forced herself to relax. "And I am happy, my shadow in the night."

Face beet red, she hissed, "Please, please stop calling me that, Tiara-Toes. It's the only thing worse than 'Ric'!"

The silly title she fired back with did make Natalia laugh, but didn't embarrass her equally to the nicknames she had for her. "Alright, Mystearica. Whatever my Midnight Lover wants."

The blushing didn't fade at all, but Natalia's lips pushing into Tear's red cheek at least brought a smile to her face that lasted all the way to the elevator, and even lingered once back on the ship. True joy tended to do that to a person. Besides, Tear could never stay mad at her princess.

                                                          THE END

#a malkuthian shadow #forkanna writes #tales of the abyss #tales of series #tear x natalia #forkanna the writer

[jade-mod]

Alriiight, actually gonna talk about “Ask Terracotta Jade” things!

Whether for writing or for playing in an rpg, it can often take me a little while to fully figure out and develop a character.  

But I’ve found that every character I make usually ends up having at least a little bit of myself in it- though often diminished, exaggerated, or otherwise not quite the same.  It can help when I can recognize it, to relate better to the character and give me a point off of which to figure out the rest! 

I’d love to hear about other people doing this too!  Feel free to let me know in what ways you are similar to your character(s)

 I’ve been thinking about it recently, and here’s a few traits/quirks/preferences that the cast got from me in some form or other (might edit in more as I remember or come up with them- definitely not a exhaustive list of their character traits, just ones that might be traced back to myself):

Terracotta Jade

-a love of history

-idealistic/naive: is often disappointed when people/the world aren’t as good as they are “supposed” to be

-attachment to objects: not so much in a materialist way, but more in recognizing that any given object might have been important to someone, or at the very least that someone put effort into creating it, that the said object has a purpose it was intended to be used for, and it is distressing when things go unused or unappreciated, or even worse, wantonly destroyed.

-out of the cast probably has the most similar upbringing: close relationship with family, knew relatively early what she wanted to do but not knowing if she would be able to do it.  

-definitely grew up on tabletop rpgs

-patient/forgiving with people (or at least tries to be)

-can usually be easily talked into or out of something through reasoning, but occasionally has a stubborn streak

-practical: function over form!  (Though function and form can be nice)

Ward

-actually cares.  A lot.  But isn’t super great at showing it.

-easily frustrated by distractions/interruptions to current task.

-worries

-panics when its unclear what can be done to help a friend in need, or if there is nothing that can be done- hates feeling powerless

-not good at conversing outside areas of interest and/or expertise.  Difficult to make shut up otherwise.

-in any case not generally one to start a conversation even in preferred topics.

-tires easily

-had to deal with parental expectations (I definitely had it easier than Ward though)

-averse to unexpected and/or dangerous situations

-oblivious to cultural references sometimes

Tomo

-a love of stories

-a love of travel- well not the actual traveling itself, but seeing cool new places!

-happiest when everyone is getting along

-again, close relationship with family

-likes cute animals!  And basically anything positive.

-easily spooked

-can be a bit silly sometimes

-prefers to take it easy

-enjoys food

Mr. Khan

-generous (so I’d like to think anyways...)

-not entirely defined by wealth (I have almost no monies myself, but I think if I did my lifestyle wouldn’t change much- maybe I’d retire earlier, work less hours, and/or give more)

-easily confused by unfamiliar situations

-not a fan of empty words- small-talk, greetings that inquire into well-being without meaning it etc., (though Mr.Khan takes that in a different way in the very way he speaks- he actually knows Equestrian pretty well, but thinks he can “improve” it by removing “unnecessary” words from his sentences!)

-happiest when at home, even though travel can be fun and/or neccesary

-oblivious to cultural references sometimes 

Grisaldara

-likes shiny objects, fancy things, cats, and birds!

-doesn’t like to work with people she doesn’t know well and trust, usually for similar reasons to why almost everyone hates group projects in school.

-frustrated by seemingly unnecessary bureaucracy or apparently nonsensical business practices.

-doesn’t always like work, but takes pride in it anyways

-proud of heritage despite not being very immersed in it.

-enjoys things being orderly, going as planned

#ask-terracotta-jade #terracottajade #tomo #ward #mrkhan #grisaldara #characters #my characters #behind the scenes #atjstuff

[readbookywooks]

The last wisps of magic, now somewhat slowed, were disappearing into the ceiling. 'To the Great Hall!' The stairs were much wider here, and better lit. Panting and pineapple-flavoured, the fitter wizards got to the top by the time the fireball had reached the middle of the huge draughty chamber that was the University's main hall. It hung motionless, except for the occasional small prominence that arched and spluttered across its surface. Wizards smoke, as everyone knows. That probably explained the chorus of coffin coughs and sawtooth wheezes that erupted behind Galder as he stood appraising the situation and wondering if he dare look for somewhere to hide. He grabbed a frightened student. 'Get me seers, farseers, scryers and withinlookmen!' he barked. 'I want this studied!' Something was taking shape inside the fireball. Galder shielded his eyes and peered at the shape forming in front of him. There was no mistaking it. It was the universe. He was quite sure of this, because he had a model of it in his study and it was generally agreed to be far more impressive than the real thing. Faced with the possibilities offered by seed pearls and silver filigree, the Creator had been at a complete loss. But the tiny universe inside the fireball was uncannily – well, real. The only thing missing was colour. It was all in translucent misty white. There was Great A'Tuin, and the four elephants, and the Disc itself. From this angle Galder couldn't see the surface very well, but he knew with cold certainty that it would be absolutely accurately modelled. He could, though, just make out a miniature replica of Cori Celesti, upon whose utter peak the world's quarrelsome and somewhat bourgeois gods lived in a palace of marble, alabaster and uncut moquette three-piece suites they had chosen to call Dunmanifestin. It was always a considerable annoyance to any Disc citizen with pretensions to culture that they were ruled by gods whose idea of an uplifting artistic experience was a musical doorbell. The little embryo universe began to move slowly, tilting . . . Galder tried to shout, but his voice refused to come out. Gently, but with the unstoppable force of an explosion, the shape expanded. He watched in horror, and then in astonishment, as it passed through him as lightly as a thought. He held out a hand and watched the pale ghosts of rock strata stream through his fingers in busy silence. Great A'Tuin had already sunk peacefully below floor level, larger than a house. The wizards behind Galder were waist deep in seas. A boat smaller than a thimble caught Galder's eye for a oment before the rush carried it through the walls and away. To the roof!' he managed, pointing a shaking finger skywards. Those wizards with enough marbles left to think with and enough breath to run followed him, running through continents that sleeted smoothly through the solid stone. It was a still night, tinted with the promise of dawn. A crescent moon was just setting. Ankh-Morpork, largest city in the lands around the Circle Sea, slept. That statement is not really true. On the one hand, those parts of the city which normally concerned themselves with, for example, selling vegetables, shoeing horses, carving exquisite small jade ornaments, changing money and making tables, on the whole, slept. Unless they had insomnia. Or had got up in the night. as it might be, to go to the lavatory. On the other hand, many of the less law-abiding citizens were wide awake and, for instance, climbing through windows that didn't, t belong to them, slitting throats, mugging one another, listening to loud music in smoky cellars and gener,erally having a lot more fun. But most of the animals were asleep, except for the rats. And the bats, too, of course. As far as the insects were concerned . . . The point is that descriptive writing is very rarely entireliy accurate and during the reign of Olaf Quimby II is Patrician of Ankh some legislation was passed in a determined attempt to put a stop to this sort of thing and introduce some honesty into reporting. Thus, if a legend said of a notable hero that 'all men spoke of his prowess' any bard who valued his life would add hastily 'except for a couple of people in his home village who thought he was a liar, and quite a lot of other people who had never really heard of him.' Poetic simile was strictly limited to statements like 'his mighty steed was as fleet as the wind n a fairly calm day, say about Force Three,' and any loose talk about a beloved having a face that launched a thousand ships would have to be backed by evidence that the object of desire did indeed look like a bottle of champagne. Quimby was eventually killed by a disgruntled poet during an experiment conducted in the palace grounds to prove the disputed accuracy of the proverb The pen is mightier than the sword,' and in his memory it was amended to include the phrase 'only if the sword is very small and the pen is very sharp.' So. Approximately sixty-seven, maybe sixty-eight per cent, of the city slept. Not that the other citizens creeping about on their generally unlawful occasions noticed the pale tide streaming through the streets. Only the wizards, used to seeing the invisible, watched it foam across the distant fields. The Disc, being flat, has no real horizon. Any adventurous sailors who got funny ideas from staring at eggs and oranges for too long and set out for the antipodes soon learned that the reason why distant ships sometimes looked as though they were disappearing over the edge of the world was that they were disappearing over the edge of the world. But there was still a limit even to Galder's vision in the mist-swirled, dust-filled air. He looked up. Looming high over the University was the grim and ancient Tower of Art, said to be the oldest building on the Disc, with its famous spiral staircase of eight thousand, eight hundred and eighty-eight steps. From its crenelated roof, the haunt of ravens and disconcertingly alert gargoyles, a wizard might see to the very edge of the Disc. After spending ten minutes or so coughing horribly, of course. 'Sod that,' he muttered. 'What's the good of being a wizard, after all? Avyento, thessalousl I would fly! To me, spirits of air and darkness!' He spread a gnarled hand and pointed to a piece of crumbling parapet. Octarine fire sprouted from under his nicotine-stained nails and burst against the otting stone far above. It fell. By a finely calculated exchange of velocities Ga.cer rose, nightshirt flapping around his bony legs. Higher and higher he soared, hurtling through the pale night like a, like a – all right, like an elderly but powerful wizard being propelled upwards by an expertly judged thumb on the scales of the universe. He landed in a litter of old nests, caught his balance, and stared down at the vertiginous view of a Disc dawn. At this time of the long year the Circle Sea was almost on the sunset side of Cori Celesti, and as the daylight sloshed down into the lands around Ankh-Morpork the shadow of the mountain scythed across the landscape like the gnomon of God's sundial. But nightwards, racing the slow light towards the edge of the world, a line of white mist surged on. There was a crackling of dry twigs behind him. He turned to see Ymper Trymon, second in command of the Order, who had been the only other wizard able to keep up. Galder ignored him for the moment, taking care only to keep a firm grip on the stonework and strengthen his personal spells of protection. Promotion was slow in a profession that traditionally bestowed long life, and it was accepted that younger wizards would frequently seek advancement via dead men's curly shoes, having previosly emptied them of their occupants. Besides, there was something disquieting about young Trymon. He didn't smoke, only drank boiled water, and Galder had the nasty suspicion that he was clever. He didn't smile often enough, and he liked figures and the sort of organisation charts that show lots of squares with arrows pointing :o other squares. In short, he was the sort of man who could use the word 'personnel' and mean it. The whole of the visible Disc was now covered with a shmmering white skin that fitted it perfectly. Galder looked down at his own hands and saw them covered with a pale network of shining threads that ollowed every movement. He recognised this kind of spell. He'd used them himself. But his had been smaller – much smaller. 'It's a Change spell,' said Trymon. The whole world is being changed.' Some people, thought Galder grimly, would have had the decency to put an exclamation mark on the end of a statement like that. There was the faintest of pure sounds, high and sharp, like the breaking of a mouse's heart. 'What was that?' he said. Trymon cocked his head. 'C sharp, I think,' he said. Galder said nothing. The white shimmer had vanished, and the.first sounds of the waking city began to filter up to the two wizards. Everything seemed exactly the same as it had before. All that, just to make things stay the same? He patted his nightshirt pockets distractedly and finally found what he was looking for lodged behind his ear. He put the soggy dogend in his mouth, called up mystical fire from between his fingers, and dragged hard on the wretched rollup until little blue lights flashed in front of his eyes. He coughed once or twice. He was thinking very hard indeed. He was trying to remember if any gods owed him any favours. In fact the Gods were as puzzled by all this as the wizards were, but they were powerless to do anything and in any case were engaged in an eons-old battle with the Ice Giants, who had refused to return the lawnmower. But some clue as to what actually had happened might be found in the fact that Rincewind, whose past life had just got up to a quite interesting bit when he was fifteen, suddenly found himself not dying after all but hanging upside down in a pine tree. He got down easily by dropping uncontrollably from branch to branch until he landed on his head in a pile of pine needles, where he lay gasping for breath and wishing he d been a better person. Somewhere, he knew, there had to be a perfectly logical connection. One minute one happens to be dying, having dropped off the rim of the world, and the next one is upside down in a tree. As always happened at times like this, the Spell rose up in his mind. Rincewind had been generally reckoned by his tutors to be a natural wizard in the same way that fish are natural mountaineers. He probably would have been thrown out of Unseen University anyway – he couldn't remember spells and smoking made him feel ill – but what had really caused trouble was all that stupid business about sneaking into the room where the Octavo was chained and opening it. And what made the trouble even worse was that no-one could figure out why all the locks had temporarily become unlocked. The spell wasn|t;sa demanding lodger. It just sat there like an old toad at the bottom of a pond. But whenever Rincewind was feeling really tired or very afraid it tried to get itself said. No-one:knew what would happen if one of the Eight Great Spells was said by itself, but the general Agreement was that the best place from which to watch the effects would be the next universe. It was a weird thought to have, lying on a heap of pine needles after just falling off the edge of the world, but Rincewind had a feeling that the spell wanted to keep him alive. 'Suits me,' he thought. He sat up and looked at the trees. Rincewind was a city wizard and, although he was aware that there were various differences among types of tree by which their nearest and dearest could tell them apart, the only thing he knew for certain was that the end without the leaves on fitted nto the ground. There were far too many of them, arranged with absolutely no sense of order. The place hadn't been swept for ages.

#LightFantastic

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #184

UPDATE 184: Individuality According to Dirk Strider

Last time Dirk took over not only Rose, but also the entire narrative of this epilogue. What will be the consequences of such a thing? Well, he can control the story to some extent, for one. One of his actions was to make Jade fall unconscious, from what I understood, so let’s now continue.

The next page has Jade, but it’s a different one. It’s the Jade that was in the fight with Lord English, the one who is now drifting in the middle of nowhere, near the black hole. I suppose she survived the shard of reality impaling her on the back. Either that or she’s on the verge of death, like John is. I’ll take solace on that the odds the reality shard is poisoned are pretty low.

For a moment, she has the feeling that she’s recalling something. Images and sounds in her head that resemble memories. But the memories aren’t hers, exactly. They seem to be someone else’s. There’s an older version of Roxy... someone with a cheerful green skull for a head, who was... Roxy’s girlfriend? Something about an election. No, this doesn’t make any sense at all. The memories are slipping away, anyway. Quickly, they dissolve, and soon they’re completely out of her mind’s reach, like she’s waking from a dream. Just like that, they’re gone.

That sounds like it could be what Dirk and Rose were experiencing, visions of alternate selves. I wonder, though, perhaps Dirk’s the one sending said vision onto Jade? Heck, maybe he’s been doing this for much longer than I thought, and he’s the one who has been tormenting Rose, all so she would go talk to him and he’d have the chance to take over her. It’s plausible, I’d say.

Since she’s floating around half-dead, she has some time to think, and among the thoughts that may or may not be all hers, there’s something that gets my attention.

And she just fought Lord English after being plucked out of a doomed timeline.

For a while I had forgotten that those from doomed timelines are, well, doomed. John took with him a bunch of doomed people to fight Lord English. No wonder they died, really. Not that recruiting everyone from Earth C would have been more palatable, because he’d be placing at risk the versions of his friends who live in a peaceful Earth. There just wasn’t a perfect choice here.

For a moment I thought maybe Dirk had manipulated Rose and gave John instructions to make things go the way he wanted – including John most likely dying, given how Dirk thinks of him as useless and unremarkable – but then I remembered it was stated Dirk took over Rose during their conversation.

Something’s calling for Jade, right from the center of the black hole. It’s beckoning her, so she gets flying towards the black hole. Is that a good thing?

Oh! A red word in middle of everything! Dave red. I’m surprised! I didn’t think Dave would have the ability to mess with the narration too, but it makes sense. Striders, go!

She considers asking who is speaking, but her mouth stays shut, powerless against the forces transfixing her. Jade has no way of knowing who this voice belongs to. She has no context for understanding the true nature of this being, what role she has played in bringing about the end, and how long she has been waiting for this. She has no idea. But I do.

The dead cherub is making her move.

Hm. I’m a liiiittle bit concerned. The text is red, indicating it’s Caliborn. However, it’s not on ALL CAPS, like I remember Caliborn writes. Calliope is the only other option, and she’d write with green if she used color. Odd, hm...I guess I’ll know for sure which cherub this is when a word with U is shown.

You know a page’s not going to be fun when the very first lines are about someone being xenophobic – supposedly. It’s not like it was shown what it was. Sigh.

Apparently what caused potentially xenophobic comments was the mother grub being generally unpleasant to see. Cultural shock, I’ll say, it really was insensitive. I sure wouldn’t think a mother grub doing her thing is a nice sight, but you just don’t say that kind of thing aloud! Inner monologues are such a blessing. But hey, it’s the rebirth of trolls, this pretty much marks the success of everything Karkaroni and the rest of the trolls worked for. Only three of the original twelve are seeing the final result, but it’s worth it anyway.

So, why the description of the mother grub laying slurry from its ovipositional sphincter stuff is somehow less disgusting than the description of John eating meat? It’s kind of incongruent.

Ah, right, Kanaya is here, watching over the mother grub, and questions why they’re here, if it wasn’t to make quips about the mother grub’s performance. They’re here to convince Kanaya to join them into their political adventure, I figure. I’m not sure how Kanaya will react to that, but I don’t think she’ll eagerly support it. If she does it’ll be because of Karkaroni, though.

DAVE: im dropping a beat

DAVE: like im using a turntable and scratching one song into another

DAVE: all smooth and shit

KARKAT: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO FOLD LAUNDRY YOU FORGOT TO IRON.

This amused me so much because that’s such a fun description of Dave’s gesture. It all reminds me I like Karkaroni a lot, what a colorful character he is.

Of course Kanaya was already aware of the election, and is impressed Karkaroni didn’t burst into flames with everyone watching him. Hah! Karkaroni replies to this gentle jab with a harsher remark about Kanaya’s like-blooded ancestors. Kind of a low blow, but nothing Kanaya can’t deal with what after so many years of being friends with Karkaroni.

She says Karkaroni has her utmost faith but that’s not the same as wanting to endorse him. I think if necessary she would, but it definitely isn’t a promise. She admits everything Karkaroni said concerns her, and Dirk takes the time to give a compliment about how Potential President Karkat can’t take compliments directly. The warm feelings cease when Kanaya mentions Jane already passed by to talk, though.

KANAYA: You Know I Do Like Jane

KANAYA: In Some Regards She Reminds Me Of A Friend We Had Who Sadly Did Not Survive Our Time On The Meteor

KANAYA: She Was Unfailingly Kind To Everyone She Met But She Also Happened To Be The Heiress To The Throne Of A Vast And Bloody Empire

KANAYA: And While She Had A Lot Of Opinions On Reform She Had Already Wrenched Some Of Her Power From Our Last Empress In The Traditional Manner

Feferi? Yeah, she was rather sweet, for troll standards. That said, I don’t think she was ‘unfailingly kind’. I mean, one of the few memories I have of her is she calling Jade stupid in a dream because she didn’t realize Feferi was dead. Hard to say someone’s unfailingly kind when the one interaction with somebody who wasn’t a troll was that, from what I remember. To her credit, she did show concern and care towards most of the trolls, so there’s that, at least.

KANAYA: By Which I Mean That Jane Is Perfectly Pleasant And I Believe That She Has Only The Best Of Intentions

KANAYA: But I Cant Shake The Feeling That Deep Inside Her Lurks The Potential For Despotism

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, they say. The saying in its usual meaning doesn’t apply to this, buuuut even though Jane has bad intentions, the result of said good intentions may not be the best for everyone. It’s a shame that so far it’s increasingly clear Jane’s supposed to be treated like she’s 100% in the wrong and should be shunned. My opinion is that maybe it’d be more interesting if it wasn’t so...black and white. That’s how things seem to me from what I have read so far, at least.

KARKAT: BUT FUCKING FEFERI? SHE WAS HARMLESS.

KANAYA: These Things Take Time To Gestate Karkat

DAVE: damn

KANAYA: Power Corrupts In Small Steps

KANAYA: Compromises

KANAYA: Concessions

KANAYA: Appeasements

KANAYA: And Leaders Follow The Example Set For Them

KANAYA: Look At What Jane Has Modeled Herself After Already

KANAYA: I Do Believe Its Important To Consider Precedent

I guess Kanaya would know better than me when it’s about troll culture, buuuut if I had to guess, Feferi would be a bit of an unpopular empress at first, given how different her policies of ‘don’t cull everyone’, but it’d be matter of time before trolls more amenable to her policies and ideas would exist, so I suppose at least for the first century or two she’d have to have a tough hand and maybe even use force to make things change. It’d be pretty close to fascism, admittedly.

Ooooh boy, Kanaya laughed, not kindly. That’s a no to the endorsement. Is she on Jane’s train, then?

KANAYA: Jane Offered Me “A Seat” On The “Board Of Responsible Troll Reproduction”

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK. HOW DARE SHE!

KANAYA: That Is Exactly What I Said

KANAYA: With More Tact Of Course

Board of responsible troll reproduction? That’s rather controlling. Jane, stop following the Condesce’s style, goodness.

The trolls are rather indignant at Jane’s tactless ideas, best intentions be damned, so it’s likely once anyone who isn’t human hears about it they’ll vote for Karkat. So from what I’m reading, this is starting to shape up into humans vs non-humans in general. That’s a rather delicate situation, no wonder it was said the peace in Earth C was so fragile.

I keep noticing Kanaya is dodging the topic of giving or not giving endorsement, even though that topic is touched she always has a way to go in a tangent. Look at her and learn a thing about smoothly changing topics, Dave, she’s good at this.

Apparently Rose has been distant with Dave, and he thinks she either is sick or she’s pregnant. Ah. Well that’s a thought I’d rather not to delve into, thanks for the weird thoughts, Dave. Take a hint from the trolls staring at you. Kanaya seems to feel guilty about something, and I’m not sure if Rose would have told her or not about the headaches and the unraveling of her powers and stuff. She even decides to call Rose right now.

Dirk answers, alarming Kanaya, who stays calm for diplomatic purposes. No answers come because John is doing something vaguely important to the plot again. Hah! Part of me is just imagining Dirk saw Kanaya was calling and because it’d be so awkward and bothersome to have to explain or make excuses, he made John do something just so he could get out of the conversation. But hey, no complaints from me! Moving the plot forward is good.

John’s vaguely important plot actions involve thinking about how everyone should become one powerful person, apparently. Is that your final objective, Dirk? Do you want everyone to become one person?

...

That kind of makes Jane’s presidential ambitions be a lot more sinister, since Dirk is so into them. I can’t rule out the possibility Jane winning the election would be an important step towards that goal, supposing he really intends to do such a thing.

Enough shoving strange thoughts into John’s head because he needs to focus on Meenah talking to him. She’s alive and not inside a black hole! Neato. What’s up, Lord English is dead. Rejoice!

There’s more silence than conversation here because they don’t know each other at all, unless you count John getting stabbed with a trident once or twice. Since this is a veeeery awkward conversation, he instead asks if she knows where Jade is, and Meenah doesn’t even know who Jade is. This conversation is just going nowhere.

This is without a doubt one of the worst conversations you’ve had in many, many years. And you aren’t just thinking that because I’m telling you you are.

When he’s right he’s right! More awkwardness ensues. They’re two strangers talking, pretty much.

JOHN: so what’s your plan now?

MEENAH: plan

JOHN: yeah.

JOHN: you just gonna hang around here, in the middle of nowhere, doing nothing forever?

MEENAH: thats what ghosts is most good at aint they

JOHN: you don’t have to stay here.

JOHN: i can take you back with me, to my planet.

JOHN: i mean, after we’re done looking for more survivors.

Is that possible? Can a ghost be among the living, just like that? Oh, right, John has the ring of life he took from Aranea. He could give it to Meenah and she’d be alive again. Is it a good idea, though? Do they want Meenah around? That’s what I’m not very sure about, because Meenah really doesn’t strike me as the kind of person who’d enjoy a peaceful existence with everyone else, or...as peaceful as it’ll get with everything that’s going on in Earth C.

Meenah points out correctly she’s a ghost and can’t exist over there in that planet, and she thought of her own plan, anyway. John gets close enough for her to whisper and then she leaves. John then thinks of checking his pockets and realizes the ring has been stolen. Pretty surprising it didn’t fall out of John’s pocket at some point given how much he was moving and getting bitten around. This is why you should captchalogue things instead of storing things in your pocket like some plebian, John!

Now that I think about it, captchaloguing simply stopped being a thing like in the middle of Act 6. Not that I’m complaining, really.

So, it turned out John’s vaguely important plot stuff was he getting the ring stolen by Meenah, so now that it’s done, Dirk can return to the conversation with Kanaya. How do you explain to someone her bride is unconscious after you pretty much started mind-controlling her? I suppose you don’t?

He totally isn’t explaining a thing. For someone who considers himself so clever and forward-planning what with the assimilation plan, he’s pretty awful at not keeping things going smoothly. Pretty bad traits for someone planning to possibly assimilate someone into one being.

DIRK: Sorry, Rose can’t come to the phone right now.

DIRK: She is otherwise... occupied.

KANAYA: Where Is She

DIRK: She’s at my place.

KANAYA: Im Sorry What

KANAYA: Rose Is Extremely Ill And Should Not Be Leaving The House Alone

KANAYA: What Is She Doing At Your Place

DIRK: Chillaxing, whilst we discuss the inevitable heat death of the universe and the unknowable, solitary nature of human consciousness.

KANAYA: I See

KANAYA: If She Is Capable Of Such Abstract Polemics Why Is It That She Cannot Speak With Me

DIRK: That’s a damned good question.

DIRK: One that will undoubtedly benefit from further exploration over the course of the next abstract polemic I have with her.

Goddamnit, Dirk. You could have just said she’s in the bathroom and that’d have worked slightly better than this!

Dirk’s taunting and messing around makes Kanaya decide she’ll get Rose, and once the call is over, Rose starts waking up. She doesn’t seem very under-Dirk’s-control right now, but she’s not okay. Maybe it’s a slow process or something.

John currently is wandering around, pondering if he should do surgery on the golden tooth stuck on his chest with a straight razor, and finding Jade’s shoes. He also finds Terezi. There she is! Wandering aaaaall the way out of the peaceful world, apparently. Either way, in this one paragraph I have compressed one entire page.

Apparently while they want for Kanaya Dirk’s making Rose discuss abstract polemics. I’m pretty sure that’s Dirk talking through her, because although Rose’s plenty verbose, I don’t think discussing philosophy while being sick is something she’d be eager to do. Also, she’s touching the topics of individuality, which is pretty relevant to Dirk right now. May as well listen, so I can understand a little better why Dirk’s doing all this.

Who the heck is Kierkegaard.

I’m going to be honest: reading philosophy being spouted with a straight face isn’t really what I was looking for in a liveblog. I feel a bit bad for scrolling through while all these orange and purple words fly over my head, buuuuut I don’t think liveblogging the intricacies of philosophical concepts is going to be interesting or fun, so I’m sparing everyone – and myself.

Oh, something I can bite into.

ROSE: I think free will is a thing, sure.

DIRK: Are you sure about that?

ROSE: ...

DIRK: Haven’t we spent the entire day having a feelings jam on how none of us got here by accident?

DIRK: Our lives were meticulously planned from clone-ception up through this very post-canon moment we find ourselves riffing in about the very free will we probably don’t even have.

DIRK: Don’t you think it’s all a little too convenient?

I mean, it’s a bit difficult to say there’s not a predetermined plan for these characters. If you don’t go through a series of actions, you’re in a doomed timeline and therefore you die. It’s hard not to go along the predetermined path when it’s either that or death. The only exception is John, who got powers of retcon and was able to jump around changing things to create the new predetermined path, but even then it’s possible the universe at a whole had determined that would happen and just nudged things in that direction.

Then again, when it’s about fiction there’s no free will. The author’s words and thoughts are the predetermined path. Authors are little gods creating their universe, so yeah, characters have no free will. Oh, look what you have done, Dirk, now I’m spouting philosophical nonsense, you sly fox. Won’t lie, typing all that just from a stream of thought was kind of fun. So that’s why the Striders enjoy being verbose.

Dirk keeps Rose lying down on the couch, proving he has full control of the narrative and therefore decides what happens and what doesn’t. He’s the author now and therefore the predetermined path is the one he creates. Oh there I go again, stop baiting me into philosophical hackneyed nonsense, Dirk.

The words ‘Ultimate Self’ and Dirk’s plan to possibly assimilate everyone into one god seem like they’re related, no? Maybe Dirk considers his Ultimate Self to be his goal, and it involves total assimilation. Pretty grim scenario, really.

Dirk makes Rose expand her mind, and she can see what John is doing right now.

ROSE: He could have made another choice.

DIRK: Then where would we be?

ROSE: Who knows.

The Candy epilogue, perhaps? I’m not sure how things would have changed based on that decision, but hey, butterfly effect stories are fun.

I’m not going to describe what she sees. First of all, that would be spoiling it. Unless you already know, in which case, I guess what’s taking place here qualifies as something closer to dramatic irony. But if you really want to see it for yourself, stop what you’re doing, flip the whole thing over, and begin again. I’ll be right here when you get back, waiting. Trust me, no one’s going anywhere.

Is this an indication I should go take a look at the candy epilogue now? It sounds like it is. I wonder if I should...but no, I have decided to see this through to the end. I’m already halfway done, may as well finish it.

If what Rose is saying is a reference to the events of the Candy epilogue, it doesn’t sound like they’re faring much better than the Meat epilogue. Sooooo the characters are generally screwed and are going to suffer either way. For people who spent three years in a game to create a new universe and get their happy lives that sure sucks.

Ah, here he is, I can see this is the moment where Dirk has finally assimilated Rose. It’s over for her. All that’s left is a condescending guy funneling pretentious thoughts into her. I liked Rose’s pretentious thoughts better. Next page!

Dirk’s narration when he’s talking about someone else’s supposed thoughts and actions is pretty exhausting. I find myself going faster and faster, and not because I’m invested in what he’s saying. Having Dirk as a narrator was a bad decision, he’s just on the same level than Doc Scratch was. Still not really enjoying the epilogue much.

He’s trying to stop her from going deeper into the black hole, and he’s failing. Not even the narrative is powerful enough to stop that, because there’s a stronger being trying to control parts of the narrative, the dead cherub trying to do this with red words. There was a U but it’s not any different from the rest of the text. The red text sounds courteous enough instead of Caliborn’s IRREVERENT SHOUTING so I suppose it’s Calliope, or at least a version of her. She beckons Jade deeper and deeper, until she’s irreversibly caught by the black hole and dragged in, much to Dirk’s frustration. There she goes! I’m curious what’ll happen with Jade, I admit!

Oho, the dead cherub is not only taking over the narration related to Jade in the black hole, they also are trying to take over the narration for the Jade in Earth C, the one who passed out in front of Roxy and Calliope.

ROXY: omg!

ROXY: jade

ROXY: jade u ok?

ROXY: callie hurry shes wakin up

JADE: j... john? rose??

JADE: is dave...?

JADE: wh...

JADE: what happened to.....

ROXY: yo its ok

ROXY: daves cool

ROXY: rose is cool

ROXY: everyones just straight chillin like usual

Huh! This feels kinda like the Jade in the black hole is being funneled into the Jade in Earth C. Are they fusing together, perhaps?

Dirk really doesn’t like that he can’t figure out what the dead cherub’s goal with the narrative is, and wastes his narrative grip by fuming about it while the dead cherub actually moves things along. It seems the Jade in Earth C is receiving the memories of her doomed black hole self. Maaaaaybe the doomed ghost versions of people getting caught in the black hole is that causes the headaches and visions. On the other hand, that’d require a lot of Roses and Dirks and Jades to be sucked into the black hole, and last I checked the ghost army was exclusively made of trolls. True, the black hole isn’t tied to the normal flow of time, so maybe it has expanded enough it has sucked a lot of doomed versions of the humans already.

Jade’s eyes are completely black. Alright, that wasn’t expected.

jade does not answer. the dead cherub scans her surroundings, expression neutral.

for the sake of clarity, the dead cherub is a phrase i am using in reference to myself. presently, i inhabit jade’s body, and through her i may influence this world.

Ah, nevermind, the dead cherub’s hijacking people around now. At least I can take solace on that it’s unlikely they have the same goal than Dirk. They even call him megalomaniac, which isn’t really wrong. They also call him a threat to the continued existence of the world and corporeal life, which is a tad worse than I thought it’d be. Was he planning to make everyone eliminate themselves once he got the complete takeover? Dirk’s goal is worse and worse with every page, seriously.

It doesn’t seem like Jade’s able to do anything, not even think. This is just as bad for them than what Dirk did to Rose, but it’s possible Jade’s current state is reversible once the dead cherub doesn’t need her anymore. On the other hand, what Dirk did seems permanent.

Aha, it definitely is Calliope doing things here in the narrative. Neat!

Dirk sounds so salty he’s losing the battle for the narrative, Dead Calliope even uses metaphors that are familiar to him to drive home the point: he’s outclassed. Thank goodness, I was getting tired of Dirk’s narrative.

in his haste to manipulate the events surrounding doomed jade’s ascent toward an outcome favorable to himself, the prince has unwittingly revealed several glaring weaknesses. by dictating the reality of others through expressions which he and he alone can relate to, he resorts to comparing all experience to his own. presuming his status on this side of my horizon would forever go unchallenged, his hubris went unchecked. he exposed too much of himself to all who could observe his wanton display of self-gratification. many of his personal biases and experiences have leaked through the seams of textual causality, leaving them vulnerable to exploitation by an adversary.

I’m not very sure what she means, but what’s clear is that Dirk brought this to himself, he’s the one who left the opening and enabled Dead Calliope to strike. He has nobody to blame but himself. A+ work, Dirk, try again. It also helps that Dead Calliope has more experiences with the vastness of metaphysical and narrative stuff than Dirk does, and isn’t as scared of it all as he is. If she’ll spend quite some time dunking on Dirk’s efforts I’m all for it. He deserves all the dunking he can get. Look at his tiny font, getting saltier and saltier. I’m enjoying this more, I have to say!

This seems like a good point to stop, now that we have a new narrator. Alright, until next time!

Next update: next time

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