#hes extra shy and maybe extra cute without his abilities to make people not find him cute | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ateezmakemeweep · 3 years

Text

seonghwa x reader x yeosang; love triangle au

word count: 35k

angst, fluff, smut

it was in your first class of the semester, intro to creative writing at nine a.m., that you met kang yeosang.

you didn’t know what to expect from the college experience, leaving the safety and familiarity of your hometown to come to a new city full of strangers and endless possibilities.

one of them being an all-consuming, butterfly-inducing first love that you missed out on from years of being socially anxious and reclusive.

it all started when you showed up late to your first class, red-faced and flustered and apparently very forgetful.

you sealed your fate the moment you borrowed a pen from the cute boy next to you, sneaky looks and shy smiles eventually morphing into so much more.

september - freshmen year

you’ve seen movies and shows and even heard some things in the halls of your high school about college classes. how they were so much harder than anything you’d been exposed to but also came with more freedom.

you didn’t need a certain color or book for the subject, you could freely leave to go the bathroom or get a drink, you didn’t even have to show up for all the professor cared.

it was also known that there were many different types of people in college: the stereotypical frat boys, boasting about parties and girls as they wore cut-off shirts and showed up to class hungover.

there were the edgier teens and young adults, finding their own look away from the eyes of their parents with piercings and tattoos and brightly colored hair that caught the attention of the older, snooty professor.

and then there was everyone else.

students like you who, maybe, didn’t fit in anywhere yet or didn’t know where they were gonna fit in; but, truthfully, fitting in was the last thing on your mind.

because it was the first day of classes, bright and early in the morning, and you were scrambling into the grand brick building, panicked and breathless, as you searched desperately for room 204.

you set an alarm and got out of your dorm room and everything, a single dorm you are so eternally grateful you secured. but it was a few wrong turns and entering one of the wrong buildings on the other side that landed you your current fate.

winded with messy hair and slightly red cheeks as you entered what you were praying was the right room. the professor was still doing introductions via a powerpoint and barely sparred you a glance, allowing you to easily slip into the first available seat.

you took the professor doing her own introduction and going over the syllabus to catch your breath, calm down and relax yourself because okay, yeah, that was a bit of a mess but you’re here in one piece now.

you made it in without getting scolded, you didn’t fall on your face or trip over the outdated tan carpet and you’re pretty sure no one even noticed you.

“i’ll spare you the ice breakers because i know you guys are gonna get stuck with some in your other classes,” the professor said, another win for you because you can’t imagine anything worse than trying to talk to someone right now.

“i just have a few notes for you to take and then i’ll let you guys go early. how does that sound?”

there’s a chorus of replies muffled by the sound of students shuffling to open their bags, notebooks hitting the table and the satisfying but annoying click of new pens.

it’s upon opening your own backpack that you realized, not only were you late to your first day of college but, you’d forgotten something as simple as a pen.

you rummage through your bag, hoping one just slipped to the bottom and letting out a quiet, annoyed sigh as you come to terms with this. you should’ve just brought your laptop, you already see several other people them so it would’ve been fine.

why do you always have to-

“need one?”

the deep voice from beside you is low and whispered, long fingers attached to a veiny hand offering you a blue pen. you hadn’t even noticed who you sat down next to you, far too consumed in your embarrassment about being late to notice the very attractive, very nice man sitting right next to you.

he couldn’t help but notice you though, if the way your bag hit into his shoulder and the cute little sigh you made when you plopped down right next to him didn’t immediately grab his attention.

his interest was only peeked further when he heard you rummaging next to him, a slight flush on your exposed neck that he can only assume happens when you’re flustered.

his voice ripped you from your frantic searching, eyes meeting his as your breath caught in your throat.

they were deep and brown, with a soft light in them that kept you entranced for far too long. his hair was black and looked soft to the touch, hanging just above his eyes so it didn’t obscure his regal features.

“i... yes please,” you finally answer with a wince, taking the pen from his hold gently. “thank you.”

“no problem,” he responds cooly, keeping his eyes on you for a few fleeting seconds before turning back to the board.

taking notes and focusing on the professor’s voice keeps you occupied most of the time, the pen in your hand and the blue ink on your paper a constant reminder of the person sitting right beside you.

he doesn’t look like anyone you’d ever met before in your life.

sure, you’d had crushes on people from your school back home but that was only because they were nice to you. they weren’t like the majority who made fun of anyone who wasn’t like them - cool and popular and had an interest in going to parties and being social.

there was never anyone who looked like him though, so strikingly attractive and cool even though he’d only said four words to you; maybe this is just showing your inexperience, falling in love at first sight with a person who just gave you a pen and has a pretty face.

“alright we’ll wrap up here. i’ll see you guys next time!”

your professor’s voice pulls you from your thoughts, the rustling of people all around you bringing you back to reality.

you close your book and put the cap back on the pen, grateful you were too distracted by your thoughts to chew it absentmindedly - you probably would’ve had to drop the class if you had to give him back a chewed up, slightly wet pen cap.

you look next to you to see the boy is tucking two books under his arm, about to get up and leave for the day before your lowly spoken voice stops him.

“wait,” you say, quiet but abrupt as he turns around to look at you.

his eyes are soft and glinted with a certain type of amusement, one you can’t quite make out or have the ability to try and determine right now. you can only hold out his pen dumbly, your stare on him blank despite the slight flush to your cheeks.

it only deepens when he holds your gaze, eyes roaming your face before a smile crosses his face and make your heart jump inside your chest.

“it’s okay, keep it,” he says, nodding his head toward your bag.

“oh... are you sure?” you squeak out, “i don’t wanna leave you without an extra pen.”

a deep chuckle leaves his mouth as he nods his head, everything about him, his presence, his laugh, his face making you grow even more out of sorts.

“i’ve got more, don’t worry.”

“oh. well, thank you!” you smile softly, tucking the pen in the pocket of your sweater. “i’ll be sure not to lose it.”

“cool,” he chuckles out, the sweet smile on his face causing yours to widen. “i’m yeosang.”

“y/n,” you introduce sweetly, a lingering silence between you two full of soft smiles and wandering eyes; you aren’t aware of that feeling hanging in the air, something so obvious and palpable when two people are immediately attracted to one another, but he feels it.

he felt it in the way he’d sneak glances at you, your brows furrowed as you took notes or the far away look in your eye when you dazed off with your cheek on your hand.

he didn’t know why he was immediately drawn to you, maybe something about your wide-eyed looks or sweet vanilla scent, but he was sure of two things: he needed to know your name and he had to get here early next class to get the same seat next to you.

november - freshmen year

it took yeosang two months to ask you out.

it proved to be one of the more challenging things he’d done within these past two months of school - not because he was nervous or thought you weren’t interested but because getting you to open up was incredibly trying.

he knew you were interested though, if the way you alcoholism when you saw him or continued to sit next to him was any indication of that.

you learned within the first few weeks of class that he was a freshmen like you, had an older sister who also went to this school and planned with his seven high school friends to all attend college together.

“that’s... kind of crazy,” you giggled, a smile on yeosang’s face hearing your laugh ring through the classroom.

the professor was running a few minutes late, leaving you and him and all your other classmates to chat amongst yourselves.

“do you live together?”

“unfortunately,” he says, the pain in his voice causing you to muffle another giggle into your hand. “i love them, don’t get me wrong, but it’s like... constant chaos. and the house is always mess. it’s a miracle that i won rock, paper, scissors for a single room.”

“well that’s good then,” you say with a smile. “i have a single dorm here, too, actually.”

“oh?” he says, head cocked to the side questioningly. “did you wait too long to apply?”

“oh no, i actually... requested it,” you tell him quietly, a slight blush on your cheeks as you explain yourself. “i do better with my own space. i don’t know if i could be around someone, like, all the time. especially if they had different habits than i did.”

“i get that, completely,” yeosang says, a shudder going through him at the mere thought of some of his roommate’s different habits.

like how wooyoung rarely throws out leftover food before putting it in the sick, leaving disgusting, soggy food out that results in all of them gagging and screaming at him.

or how mingi insists on showering in the late hours of the night, the sound of water and pipes squealing ripping him from his slumber.

or, one of his personal favorites, how hongjoong must always have three pairs of shoes stacked on top of the shoe rack - no more, no less, or he says it throws off the rack’s equilibrium and sends him into a frenzy.

“but doesn’t it get lonely?” he asks, “what do you on weekends and stuff?”

“homework, sleep, sometimes go to a coffee shop and do more work,” you shrug, never realizing how much of a reclusive loser you seem to be until this very moment. “i’ve met a few girls from my classes but our project ended a few weeks ago.”

you felt the need to throw that in there, just so he knows you do in fact see other people from time to time.

“well you should come to one of our parties,” yeosang says with a smile.

��my sister’s friend always throws them at his house. they’re fun and don’t get too sloppy since it’s not people our age trying to catch up on the full college experience.”

dread pools in the pit of your stomach at the word party, not being able to picture anything worse than standing in a overcrowded house being surrounded by sweaty, drunk bodies and the stench of alcohol.

but that sounds far too harsh to say to yeosang, instead giving him a small sympathetic smile as you shrug your shoulders.

“i don’t know, i’m not much of a party person,” you confess quietly.

“oh, c’mon,” yeosang whines slightly, swinging his chair to face you playfully.

there’s a glint of something in his eyes, like he’d be fully prepared to beg and plead with you just to see you outside of the classroom or library.

“it’ll be fun! we’ll be able to hang out without finding our voice and engaging the audience.”

you giggle at the words that have left your professor’s mouth about seven hundred times this semester, cocking your head to the side as you looked at him pleadingly.

partially because, if he keeps looking at you like that, you’re gonna crack.

“i don’t go to parties much,” you tell him, a soft sympathetic frown on your face.

you really don’t wanna reject him. you wanna hang out with him outside of this class and school and engaging the audience but why does it have to be in that type of setting?

but it’s not like you can suggest any other setting.

because then it’ll seem like you’re asking him out on a date and that is something you definitely can’t do.

“why? are you scared?” yeosang teases, his eyebrow quirking up along with the smirk on his lips. “i’ll be with you the whole time. you can even meet my friends, they’ll be on their best behavior for you.”

you’ll never get used to the way he says your name. the way his deep voice makes it sound and how butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“yeosang...” you drag out in a slight whine, feeling bad at how eager he’s becoming and how much you really don’t wanna go. but you wanna go for him. you really, really do.

his smile widens at hearing you say his name, the sound of it falling from your pretty lips never failing to give him the same reaction. he wants to hear you say it more, in every way, in every setting, where people and his friends see that you’re comfortable with him.

“please, y/n?” he asks, his face leaning closer to yours.

your faces are mere inches apart, unaware to everyone else in the room sleeping on the tables or texting on their phones.

his eyes are roaming every bit of your face, lips quirked up in a smile that has your eyes falling down to his lips before back to his glinted eyes.

“for me,” he hums lowly, his smile turning to a smirk when he notices you swallow nervously.

“i really wanna hang out with you,” he says, his voice just above a whisper as he speaks to you and only you. “if you hate it that much, we’ll leave and do something else. but i want us to try. i want you to meet my friends and just have fun for a night with me.”

you let out a sigh, the air between you thick and charged as his eyes become more and more hopeful.

“i won’t leave you once. not even to pee.”

you narrow your eyes at him, pushing him back playfully and ignoring the hard muscle under your hand.

“i don’t wanna hang out with you if you’re gonna piss your pants.”

his deep chuckle booms through the room, waking a few students angrily while grabbing the attention of others. but he can only shake his head at you, eyes falling to your lips when he sees you press your teeth into the soft looking skin.

“then it’s a deal. as long as you’re there, i won’t piss my pants. how does that sound?”

you first met park seonghwa at that party on a friday night.

he was just in the midst of the many introductions and first impressions of yeosang’s seven roommates, sealing his fate as yeosang’s incredibly handsome but standoffish best friend.

you were more so focused on how handsome and happy the black-haired was to see you anyway, a smile lighting up his face the second he saw you emerge from your car.

driving yourself was a sure fire way to not drink and get shit faced, release your ever present desire and crush on yeosang in the form of a sloppy drunken kiss and embarrassing, stuttered confession.

“hey guys, this is y/n,” yeosang said, his hand guiding you by the small of your back. “the girl from my class, who-”

“you haven’t stopped talking about? yeah, we figured,” the friend he introduced as wooyoung chirps, throwing his arm around your shoulder. “you’re just as pretty as he said, y/n. do you want a drink?”

you can barely respond to the happy, chipper boy next to you, too distracted by his words and the pink flush creeping up on your cheeks.

“i... uh... no thank you,” you finally stutter out, an awkward giggle leaving your mouth. “i drove myself here so i can’t drink.”

“now why the hell would you do that!” wooyoung yelps, throwing you an incredulous look before punching yeosang in the arm.

“um, ow?!” yeosang says, a smile pulling at your lips at the sound of his voice.

“why would you invite her and not offer her a ride, you sick fuck? now she can’t drink and have fun.”

“i’ll still have fun,” you reassure wooyoung with a sweet smile. “i don’t drink much anyway. or come to parties, for that matter, so this is all gonna be a new experience.”

“oh shit, seonghwa, you hear that?” wooyoung says, nodding his head toward the dirty blonde with a sour look on his face. “she’s a recluse, too.”

“don’t call her that,” yeosang snips at the same time seonghwa says “don’t call me that.”

wooyoung only rolls his eyes before promptly getting whisked away to dance by mingi and san, leaving you and the others huddled around the couch and side table littered with their beers.

“i’m sorry about him,” yeosang says, breathless and defeated in a way only his oldest friend can make him. “he has no filter or knowledge of boundaries.”

“it’s okay, i like him,” you smile, your eyes meeting his and causing your heart to jump.

he looks better than he usual does if that’s even possible, his black hair hanging low and the faint smell of his shampoo wafting in your nose.

he’s wearing the same soft and sweet but amused expression he always has, the strangest mix of someone who looks like they’d be complete trouble but also someone you could bring home to your parents.

“then you’d be the only one,” yeosang chuckles out, the black-haired turning his head to his friend sitting on the couch. “right, hwa?”

“right,” the man’s deep voice booms, your eyes meeting at the same time.

he’s just as striking as seonghwa but not in such a boyish way. there’s a deep, brooding intensity to him that scares you ever so slightly, like he’s just as hard and cold as his expression says.

“do you wanna go meet the others?” yeosang asks, ripping your gaze away from seonghwa. “i think hongjoong and jongho are around here somewhere.”

“oh- sure,” you smile, looking back to seonghwa to see his eyes already on you. “nice meeting you, seonghwa.”

he hums a response before lifting the beer bottle to his mouth, legs spread and neck rolling to the side as if to deter anyone from sitting near him.

yeosang’s hand finds its way to the small of your back again, the warmth seeping through your shirt and making butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“don’t mind seonghwa, he’s a grouch at these,” yeosang says, a small giggle leaving your mouth as you look back at him.

“he seemed nice,” you assure him quietly, your face way closer to his than you anticipated. you can almost feel his minty breath on your skin, warmth all around you as he guides you carefully.

“they all do.”

“good,” yeosang smiles, his thumb rubbing along your back before stopping you in front of two boys playing beer pong.

“you fucking idiot! you suck!”

“fuck off, this is my first time and i’ve gotten more than you!”

you and yeosang share a look of amusement before he clears his throat, the taller boy’s head snapping toward you both. his eyes light up in some sort of recognition, dropping the white ping pong ball and ignoring the way it bounces onto the floor.

“getting your ass handed to you, i see,” yeosang quips, jongho rolling his eyes before holding his hand out to you.

“i’m jongho, yeosang’s coolest and most talented friend.”

a smile lights up your face despite the more crowded and loud area, taking your hand in jongho’s as you introduced yourself.

“you guys are in the same class, right? tell me, how much does yeosang hit his head falling asl-”

“hey, yeosang!”

all of you crane your heads toward the new voice, a group of guys with red, glassy eyes and shaggy hair looking at yeosang expectantly. you don’t recognize them from any of your classes or around campus, figuring they’re older seniors or friend’s of his sister.

“we’re gonna smoke in the back? you wanna come?”

you’re all too aware of the hand on your back moving to your waist, squeezing your hip lightly in a way that’s oddly reassuring in the moment. like he knows this area is louder and more crowded and making you ready to bolt.

you’re only not because he’s next to you and his friends seem incredibly happy to meet you.

“nah, i’m good,” his deep voice reassures.

you watch the boy’s gaze shift from yeosang to you, eyeing your body up and down before it lands on your hips. a smirk crosses his face and he nods his head, an amused “ahh, okay,” leaving his mouth.

there’s an immature and embarrassing chorus of “oohs” and “ahh,” like the grown college men are actually in a class of immature elementary schoolers who just got in trouble.

yeosang only rolls his eyes and flips them off, your eyes widening just as he turns to you with a soft smile.

“my sister’s friends. they’re cool, just stupid as shit.”

you bite down on your lip so you don’t burst out laughing, giving him a small nod that makes his smile widen.

“you wanna try playing beer pong?” he asks, “i’ll drink your beers so you can’t use that excuse.”

your eyes narrow as you pinch him arm gently, his arm knocking into yours as he narrows his in return.

“fine,” you say, “but i’m gonna be bad. i’ve never played before.”

“jongho plays every weekend and is still terrible,” hongjoong says, patting you on the shoulder reassuringly. “so it’s fine.”

“i’m not terrible!”

but come to find out, after nearly three rounds, he was pretty terrible. either he was pretty terrible or you were the fastest learner in beer pong history at this institute.

“you’re gonna be bad?” yeosang mocks with a smirk, your hands awkwardly bumping as you walk around the block.

the house had gotten far too stuffy and crowded after the second round, the noise growing louder and bodies growing closer to you in a way that made you incredibly nervous.

it was fun at first, even you can admit that. but once it got too loud, your discomfort started to show itself.

your wandering eyes, your teeth in your lip, the way you were no longer laughing or high-anniversary hongjoong despite being on different teams. yeosang had caught on immediately, deeming the third game your last before you took a break outside.

the cold air was refreshing and just what you needed but yeosang’s warm body next to you is nice too. the way your cold hand grazes his warm one, the way you’ll look at him any time it happens and catch him already staring at you.

the way, if it wasn’t for him pushing you out of your comfort zone, you would’ve never gone to an unfamiliar party or played a round (or three) of drinking games.

“i didn’t expect to be good, if you could believe that,” you giggle softly, biting down on your lip as you watch your feet. they’d almost be in sync, if you weren’t a naturally fast walker and yeosang had a slower, smoother swagger of a walk.

“i don’t know if i can,” he says, his voice teasing and light as you walk in the darkness. “beginners luck maybe but it seemed like more.”

“well i’ll probably never do it again so i’m glad we discovered this tonight,” you say quietly, a small giggle leaving your mouth.

lost in the way your heart is pounding and butterflies are in your stomach, you don’t realize yeosang isn’t walking until he pulls you by the elbow gently. your back hits in front softly, your eyebrows furrowing as you turn to look at him.

you’re greeted by a look of mock hurt, yeosang’s eyes staring down at you causing another small smile to grace your face.

“what?”

“i thought you’d come back next week,” he says, voice so soft and sweet it makes the butterflies act up even more; he shouldn’t sound like this when he can also sound so scary and intimidating, the deep tone of his voice never failing to send your cheeks blazing.

“we had fun, no? i really like hanging out with you, y/n.”

for a moment you think you ruined something that barely started to build between you two. that the fleeting look of interest in his eye is gonna be shot to hell because he thinks you’re rejecting him in some way.

but you like him.

you really like him and you really like hanging out with him - you just don’t wanna do it in such a...crowded setting.

“i liked it, too, yeosang,” you confess immediately, faintly aware of his fingers toying with yours. “but... parties aren’t my thing. it got too crowded and i just get uncomfortable but i really liked hanging out with you.”

now he’s gonna think you’re stupid. silly and stupid and, quite frankly, weird that you can’t be in a normal setting for college students. maybe you should’ve just pushed through it, maybe you should’ve just-

“so no parties next time?” he asks, the hand toying with your fingers finally fully grasping your hand. the move makes your heart jump in your chest, the perfect fit of warmth and strength in your hand making you bite back a smile.

it doesn’t stop the blush from crossing your face, though, beyond grateful for the darkness in the sky right now.

“we can just hang out us, too. see a movie, go to dinner, whatever you wanna do.”

“so like a date?”

you don’t know why you blurt that out but you’re beyond embarrassed when you realize you do, your eyes growing wide and face heating even more; if the ground swallowed you up right now, you wouldn’t even mind.

a deep chuckle leaves his mouth and it only makes you more embarrassed, your gaze dropping and head falling ever so slightly.

he crouches so he’s staring up at you, a teasing smile on his face that brings a frown to your lips.

“i’m sorry, i don’t know why i-”

“yes, a date,” he says, successfully cutting you off as he rises to his full height and lifts your face to look at him. his finger’s resting under your chin and he’s standing even closer to you, eyes roaming you in such a way that makes you stare back dumbly.

“let me take you on a date. how does tomorrow sound?”

your eyes roam his for a few silent seconds, half because you’re in shock and half because you’re still embarrassed, until you realize he’s standing there awaitingly.

eyebrow quirked cockily and eyes full of amusement, like he somehow already knows you’re not gonna say no to him.

“i... tomorrow’s good,” you finally say, not being able to help the big smile that crosses your face.

the sight causes his heart to lift in his own chest, leaning down to press a soft and surprising kiss to your cheek. it’s simple and chaste and sweet but it makes every bit of you feel even more warm and happy, excitement bubbling inside you as he pulls back and interlaces your fingers together.

dinner and a movie turned into a very impromptu trip to the store for blankets, food and a picnic basket.

the restaurant yeosang planned on taking you to, a new italian restaurant in the center of town, had a two hour wait and the new romcom that followed was sold out for the night, leaving you and yeosang in his car trying to come up with a new course of action.

you insisted that you didn’t care what you did, that you could just go back to your dorm or his apartment and order take out or watch a movie there.

but he noticed you looking at the sky absentmindedly, a far away, fascinated look in your eye at the few visible stars and had an idea of his own.

he refused to tell you what you guys were shopping for, just that you’d see when you got there and could guess as you went along. it had all been so strangely intimate and domestic, yeosang pushing the cart as you threw things in after looking at him pleadingly.

“y/n, i told you to buy the whole damn store if you want. you don’t have to look at me like that over a box of cookies.”

you narrowed your eyes, insisting you will absolutely not do that.

“i just don’t know why you’re not letting me pay for anything. not even gas,” you whine.

he rolls his eyes silently as he pushes the cart along, a smile pulling at his lips as he walks past you.

“and you haven’t even told me what we’re doing!” you yelp after him, running after him like a child who doesn’t wanna lose their parent. he cranes his neck back as he raises an eyebrow, ushering you along to “find out what his genius plan is.”

when he goes down the bedding aisle telling you to pick out the fluffiest blanket, you look at him with suspicion all over your face. a smile pulls at his lips as he ushers you over himself, his hand lingering on your waist.

“this is the nice kind,” you tell him, a happy smile on your face even though it’s white and could very well be stained and destroyed.

“then put it in, pretty girl,” he says lowly, a squeal threatening to leave you as as butterflies erupt in your stomach. a smirk crosses his lips when he sees you get flustered, tightening his hold on your waist for a moment before dropping it entirely.

his real course of action starts when you guys are done shopping, fruits and cookies and crackers stocked in the cart along with a hidden gem he snuck under the cart tray.

it’s by a stroke of luck that, when you guys pass the bathrooms, you ask if it’s okay if you run in there quickly. he tells you to meet him in self check-out as he pays, hauling ass to the register and sticking all the items in a reusable bag.

you come out with a sympathetic smile, asking him for the tenth time if you could please give him some money for tonight’s date.

“absolutely not,” he insists, grabbing your hand so naturally, it’s like you guys have done this for longer than two days. “it didn’t go the way i intended so i have to make it up to you.”

“no you don’t,” you whine quietly, looking up at him as a biting gust of winds sends you shivering. “this is fun, too. you’re just nice to be around.”

a smile lights up his face as he peeks down at you, his hold on you tightening before you quickly reach his car.

you ask where you guys are going for half the ride, a mischievous and coy smile on your face as you beg him to tell you where you’re going and what you’re doing.

you face him the entire time you do so, your fingers toying with his on the middle console. he doesn’t give you any hints but makes sure to keep his hand in yours, soft, sweet chuckles leaving his mouth when you let out more whines and groans.

“just a little longer,” he insists, the warmth of the car and his hand causing your head to rest on the seat.

it’s all very comfortable and calm, the quiet hum of his car nearly lulling you to sleep until you feel the car stop.

your head pops up and your eyes widen when you see you’re down by the beach, about an hour from your town and causing your eyes to gape at him - he just drove this far for the beach in the middle of november.

“the beach?” you ask, a confused smile tugging at your lips. you love it here and you’re certainly not mad, you spend most days in the summer down here, but you guys definitely can’t go in the ocean right now.

“yup,” he says simply, turning off the car before silently getting out. you watch him through the window as he opens the back door, carefully taking out the bag full of food and blankets before making his way to your side.

you send him a smile when he opens your door and extends his hand, a quiet “thank you,” leaving your mouth as you take his hand. he interlaces your fingers and your hands swing between you two, the chill from the ocean biting and cold but also slightly refreshing from the car’s heat.

“so...” you say once you two stop on the sand, the grains lumpy under your sneakers. you’ve never seen the beach this dark and desolate and it would absolutely unnerve you if yeosang wasn’t beside you. “what exactly are we doing here?”

“you mean you don’t wanna swim?”

your expression causes him to chuckle, disconnecting your hands to lay out a blanket on the sand. your next expression, however, warms his heart more than he’s ever felt before.

your eyes widen as they look at him, a surprised and excited gasp leaving as he pulls out a medium-sized picnic basket.

“when... when did you get that?!” you yelp, moving closer to his larger, warmer body to get a good look at it. “i didn’t even see you pick it up!”

“i was sneaky, right?” he teases with a wink, guiding you by the waist to sit down before placing the basket between you.

you barely notice the harsh gust of wind because of your excitement and surprise, yeosang’s hands draping a blanket around your shoulders before you can even shiver.

“i even packed the food. i didn’t really know how to be sneaky for that so it was pure luck that you went to the bathroom.”

and low and behold, when he opens up the white, woven basket, all the food you got was packed in perfectly. plates and utensils were strapped to the top with two small cups next to the array of fruits, cookies, and several ingredients for sandwiches.

you both happened to like cheese ones, your hands grazing and soft giggles leaving when you both reached for it in the frozen section.

“i... i can’t believe you did this,” you mumble quietly, feeling far more touched and happy than you’re willing to let on. “this is so cute. thank you, yeosang.”

you look up to see the soft smile he’s sending your way, his hand reaching out to cup your cold, red cheek. his thumb rubs over the cold skin for a few seconds, like he’s testing the waters to see if this is too much too soon.

the way you lean into him makes his heart start to pound just a little bit, his head cocked to the side as his eyes roam your face - you look so pretty, even with early signs of windburn.

“of course, pretty,” he mumbles quietly, that word again causing the butterflies to return. “thank you for coming on this date with me.”

you eat your sandwiches and fruit huddled under a blanket together, him wiping a crumb from your face and you throwing a stray piece of cheese at him when he calls you messy.

it’s all very tranquil and comfortable, like you guys have known each other for longer than two months. it’s still just enough time to still be unsure though, if your touches are too much or the way you’re looking at each other is setting yourselves up to be hurt.

you couldn’t care about any of that right now, though, laying down on the blanket and looking up at the sky with yeosang by your side.

you started off close, arms brushing before they eventually stayed glue to each other, and now you’re even closer. your head is just mere inches from resting on his chest, a shiver running through you that acts as the catalyst of him pulling you closer to him.

“c’mere” he mumbled lowly, your body immediately moving closer to hm until his warmth and woodsy scent surrounds you. you smile into his sweater, toying with the ends before his large, veiny hands covers your smaller, cold one.

“this was a really smooth idea, you know,” you say after a few moments of silence, eyes threatening to closer and body relaxing if you continue to lay here in the most comfortable silence of your life.

“oh?” he says, hearing the smile in his voice.

“yeah,” you say, tentatively turning to look up at him. there’s a look in his eye that makes you feel comfortable enough to rest your chin on his chest, your eyes briefly falling to his lips. “i think this was better than dinner and a movie. the stars are really pretty.”

a small smile grace his face as he looks at you, hand reaching up to tuck a few loose strands of hair behind your ear. all of his moves and touches tonight have been slow and gentle, like you’re a piece of glass he has to be fragile with.

you’ve never been treated like that before and it makes your heart flutter, the sweet look in his palpable even in the darkness.

“they are,” he mumbles, his eyes not leaving you as his hand gently moves down your face.

your skin is smooth and cold and he doesn’t think he ever wants this moment to end. the closeness, the wide-eyed look you’re giving him, the way he feels so content and at ease, it’s like he doesn’t know how he lived peacefully before this.

“when’s our next date gonna be?”

a smile lights up your face as a cute giggle leaves your mouth, his hand on your chin constricting your movements ever so slightly.

“this one isn’t even over,” you tease lightly, eyebrows raising playfully. “what if when it ends, you don’t wanna see me again?”

“and why would that happen?” yeosang asks curiously, genuinely confused and positive that that wouldn’t be the case. because as he pulls your face a tad closer to him, your amused expression dropping to one of a surprise, he’s certain of two things.

he’ll never get tired of seeing you and he wants to kiss you right now.

“because, right now,” he starts again, voice low and deep that effects every part of your body. “i wanna kiss you more than anything. and then make sure i see you soon, as soon as possible, really, so i can do it again.”

you swallow nervously as you look at him wide-eyed, the confidence and sureness in his words causing your eyes to drop to his lips again.

you meet in a kiss half way that’s just as gentle and sweet as it is fulfilling. it’s a kiss that shows it’s your first time kissing each other but that’s what makes it so nice for both of you.

it’s slow and chaste but everything about it is pure. there’s no other intention than just kissing, testing out and acting on the attraction that was building the moment you saw each other.

he moves you on your back gently to hover over you more comfortable, your eyes closed as your arms wound around his neck. he doesn’t even make a move to deepen the kiss in any way, his tongue barely flicking out to trace the outline of your lips.

it’s then you pull back breathless, looking at him above you with flushed cheeks and a heaving chest.

“i... i want that, too,” you admit quietly after a few seconds, his eyes on you and yours on him.

because you wanna see him again, you wanna see more of his smile and hear more of his laugh and get to know the boy who briefly his way into your heart and mind so quickly.

“good,” he mumbles, pressing a sweet kiss to your cheek before pecking the other one with a smile. “that makes me happy.”

you wanna kiss him again but he flops back down beside you before you can daringly initiate one, pulling you atop his chest again as he wraps his arm around you.

it takes everything in you not to fall asleep right there and then, feeling so comfortable and safe beside him, you’re excited to see how your next date is gonna go with him.

febuary - freshmen year

your second date turned into many more, becoming more comfortable and familiar with each other until, one night, he finally asked you to be his girlfriend.

it wasn’t anything grand, just after a night of late night drives and fast food run. your feet were up on the dash and you fed him salty, fattening fries with the moon as your witness.

he looked over at you occasionally, watching as you sipped from your drink or took a bite of your sandwich and realized in that moment, he needed you to be his.

officially.

because as far as he was considered, you were his and he was yours after your first date stargazing.

“y/n?” you hear him say, your mouth still connected to the straw as you guzzle down your soda. you move your gaze to see him looking at you, nervously swallowing your drink as your eyebrows pull together.

“what?” you ask, immediately wiping at your face and mouth. “is there something on my face?”

a deep chuckle leaves his mouth as he shakes his head, eyes roaming you for a few more seconds before his hand is resting on your face. the movement causes your heart to stutter, eyes widening and heart starting to pound.

you hope he can’t hear it. you think there’s about a 40% chance that he does and those odds are way too high for you.

“i like you,” he says.

the confession is short and sweet and everything about it is genuine. the way his voice drops and he’s looking at you with such a soft fondness, you can’t find the words to respond.

“i really like you, y/n,” he mumbles, his thumb slowly caressing the side of your face.

every stroke of his finger makes your heart pound more and more, your eyes looking up at him with a palpable look of, both, fear and fondness. because you like him, too. you really, really like him but that scares you a little.

so does the way he’s looking at you, touching you so softly and sweetly and not tearing his gaze away from you.

“i want you to be mine,” he finally says, breaking the silence in the car. “will you be my girlfriend?”

his friends took the news of your relationship just as you expected, excited and overwhelmingly supportive, with a few lingering eyes that went unnoticed by everyone.

but that’s because he made sure to keep it that way.

you didn’t go to yeosang’s often but when you did, you made sure to talk and hang out with each and every one of them. some of them were crazier and chattier than others but you found it all very endearing - no matter how overwhelmed and scared it made you.

seonghwa was the only one who seemed to be on your level, able to sit in a room and observe without saying much unless directly spoken to.

you haven’t talked to the handsome boy a lot, just casual greetings and goodbyes, but you just knew you were intimidated by him. he always held such a stern, hard expression on his face, dignified and serious in a way that just didn’t seem to match the group.

the only times you’d see him crack a smile when the boys would start brawling or hongjoong said a corny, uncharacteristic joke.

he did’t make you feel uncomfortable or unwanted though, he always said hi and always made you feel welcomed by making extra food for you or automatically setting an extra spot for you.

it was subtle but it was nice, always making you feel just a little more welcomed by yeosang’s friends - but when valentine’s day came, yeosang did everything in his power to let his roommates know they were not welcomed in their own home for the night.

“what?!” wooyoung screeched when hongjoong broke the news to them. “where the hell are we supposed to go on valentine’s day as seven single losers?! and then get a hotel?! are you nuts?”

yeosang only stared blankly at the boy as groans of protest were heard from the others, grumbles of “who said i’m single?” and “i’m not a loser,” throughout the apartment.

“when did i say you could never come home you dramatic fuck?” yeosang sneered, “i just asked for a few hours!”

he had been tormenting himself for weeks about what to do for valentine’s day with you. you insisted over and over again that, really truly, you didn’t want to do anything.

but he thought you deserved it and he’d never actually had a girlfriend during this god forsaken holiday - he had to try it at least once and what better time than with someone like you?

“that might be the problem though,” seonghwa said to him one night, after hearing his friend carry on for hours and hours.

yeosang looked to his friend on the couch with a confused expression, the dirty blonde rolling his eyes.

“she doesn’t like crowds or loud noises. you think it’s really a good idea to bring her out to a restaurant or public place on valentine’s day?”

naturally an extrovert, yeosang would’ve never thought that to be an overwhelming or distasteful prospect. the booming voices of people and laugher and music was something he’d loved all his life but, seonghwa’s right, you don’t like that.

you didn’t like it at the party and you don’t like it here. you don’t like when a restaurant or movie theater is too crowded, always choosing an area that’s more secluded and quiet.

“shit, you’re so right, hwa,” yeosang says, slapping his friend on the arm gratefully. “maybe i’ll just make her dinner here. we can stay in, that’ll be nice, right?”

seonghwa gives a disinterested shrug and yeosang can see he lost his friend already, wondering how the dirty blonde even knew that until he remembers, he’s the same way.

avoids crowds and big outings like the plague, only humoring them because they’d all annoy the shit out of him if he didn’t. and he thinks if seonghwa had a valentine, he’d wanna do the same thing with them.

“okay, okay, okay,” wooyoung says, the only one of the seven that had shit to say per usual. “we will go out and get shit faced if you insist. cry about our sad single lives and the fact we’re not loved this year. but... i ask that you save some left over food and buy us at least two drinks.”

hongjoong knew to rush the boys out of the apartment in a timely fashion after that, already seeing in his mind the brawl that wold ensue between yeosang and wooyoung - and once that happens, everyone else will pick sides and create more chaos.

it leaves yeosang with a little over two hours to prepare the house and dinner, lighting a candle and throwing nonsense into any closet that would fit in until the aroma of spices and flavors filled the air.

he told you to come at seven on an empty stomach, that he’d be providing drinks, dinner and dessert and to not even try bringing him a gift the same way you requested; but when you show up at seven on the dot with a cute little pink bag, he sees you did’t listen either.

“baby... i told you i didn’t need anything.”

“and i said the same thing,” you whine, poking him in the stomach lightly as you walk through the apartment.

it’s the most spotless you’d ever seen the place, a soft touched smile on your face as you picture him scrambling to clean and get the boys out.

“you even cleaned.”

“please, i made the boys do it before i kicked them out.”

“yeosang!” you squeal, narrowing your eyes at your boyfriend of two months. “you didn’t have to do that!”

“believe me, i did,” he assures, pulling you by the hand to the table set for two. he pulls out your chair and you bite back a smile, mumbling a quiet “thank you,” as you watch him prepare two plates of food.

the idea of this always embarrassed you, a cheesy romantic dinner with candles and chivalry and a boyfriend who looks at you so lovingly. but now that you’re here, you know you’ve never felt this happy before.

that seeing him do this for you and only you is one of best feelings in the world; you’re still not crazy about valentine’s day, you find it all very cheesy and dramatic, but you think it just has to do with the fact that you’re with yeosang is why you’re so happy and touched tonight.

“this is good,” you hum through a mouth full a food, a smirk on his face as he reaches over to dap at your messy lips.

“yeah?”

“yeah,” you answer through narrowed eyes, yeosang’s deep melodic laugh quickly melting your annoyed expression way.

“you look pretty.”

your brows pull together in confusion, slurping noodles into your mouth at the exact moment he says that.

you look down at your outfit in contemplation, a simple comfortable outfit you were excited to wear when he asked if you wanted to stay in for valentine’s day.

you were shocked when that was the plan he came up with, knowing that yeosang enjoys going out and socializing every day and night; but that’s what happens when you’re good at it. when you’re so charismatic and joyful and just so naturally draw people into you.

he asked if you wanted to go to dinner or a movie or do a crazier type of date but you didn’t have the heart to tell him no. just told him he can plan it and you’ll go along with whatever he wants.

you ended up getting a text from him asking if you just wanted to stay in. that he’d cook for you and you guys could just hang out and watch movies as long as they weren’t cheesy romantic comedies.

“why do you look so surprised?” he chuckles, ripping you from your thoughts as a small, shy smiles finally rises on your face - you don’t feel very pretty, in fact, you thought you actually looked kind of sloppy.

“i don’t know,” you mumble, a blush creeping up on your face as you twirl your noodles.

you feel his gaze boring into your face, pressing your lips together before finally raising your eyes to him.

“what!” you squeal, face heating up even more in a way that causes a deep, melodic chuckle to leave yeosang.

“you’re cute, that’s what,” he says, eyes roaming your face before they fall on the small, pink gift next to you. “and it’s because you’re cute i’m not mad you got me that.”

you follow his eyes to the bag by your elbow, huffing as you meet his mock harsh gaze.

“how could i not get you something?” you whine. “you never let me buy anything ever! and you made all of this food.”

he watches as you slurp up the last of your food, smiling gratefully at him before standing up from your chair. you take the bag next to you and pad over to him shyly, holding out your hand awaitingly.

he looks at it before meeting your gaze, eyebrow quirked with a smile pulling at his lips.

“what?”

“i wanna give it to you before i do this dishes.”

“like fuck.”

your eyes widen as a laugh bubbles out of your mouth, smacking him in the arm lightly before he loops an arm around your waist. you fall into him with a squeal, your heart stuttering when you’re suddenly in his lap and he’s smiling down at you.

“i- it’s only fair,” you manage to stutter out, feeling silly for being flustered over being in his lap. “you cooked all of this for us.”

there’s a pout on your lips that he can’t help but notice, next to the wide-eyed innocent shock that’s always behind your eyes.

when he pulls you in his lap the same way he did now, watching you shift and move on him in ways he doesn’t think you realize what you’re doing.

when make out sessions turn more intense, his lips trailing down your neck and his hands squeezing your hips that has tiny, small pants leaving your mouth.

when he gets more bold and tells you all the things he wants to do to you when you’re ready, lowly mumbled in your ear so he can pull back and see just how red and lustful you are at the thought of his head between your legs.

he didn’t wanna rush any part of your relationship in that regard.

one because he liked you, he really, really liked you and it wasn’t about that for him, and two because he just knew you hadn’t done much before and didn’t want you to feel pressured in any way.

it didn’t stop his own desires from surfacing. from him getting hard with you on top of him and jerking off to the thought of you when you two would part ways.

it’s feelings he’s trying to push down right now, your wide-eyed look staring at him as a soft, sweet smile pulls at his lips.

“and i’ll clean it for us, too,” he mumbles, his arms wrapping around your waist loosely before his eyes move to the bag - the disdain in which he looks at it could only be described as incredibly dramatic.

“once you see what it is, you’re gonna feel bad for looking at it so meanly,” you say with a swat to his chest, dangling the bag in front of his face.

his interest is peeked, a mischievous look behind his eyes that makes your cheeks flame. a soft chuckle leaves his mouth as he takes the bag from your hand, carefully taking out the festive pink and red wrapping paper.

the first thing he feels is cool metal, his hesitant gaze move toward you only to be met with a soft, encouraging smile. he rolls his eyes playfully, unveiling the gift that has his heart jumping in his chest.

it’s a framed photo of you two he’s never seen before, you smiling at the camera and him smiling at you as his arm rests around your shoulder.

he recognizes it from one of the parties he took you to a few weeks ago, the pretty red dress you wore with black tights under leaving him unable to tear his eyes away from you all night.

there’s even picture proof right in front of him, his gaze so soft and sweet on you he feels the slightest hint of an embarrassed flush on his cheeks.

“you looked so pretty that night,” he mumbles lowly, a low, short chuckle leaving his mouth that has your stomach swooping dangerously. “who took this picture?”

“who do you think?” you quip sarcastically, remembering half the night you were hiding from one particular friend with black hair and a high-pitched laugh.

“wooyoung’s stupid ass,” yeosang grumbles, his finger sliding over the cool metal of the frame.

he has a lot of pictures of loved ones and likes documenting moments with family, friends, even the people he meets once but has a great experience with. but this picture is by far his favorite, the way a smile is stretched across your face and how comfortable you look beside him.

“thank you, baby,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “i love it, my new favorite picture.”

“i wrote something on the back, too,” you tell him sweetly, cheeks warm as you watch his eyebrows pull together.

he looks at you for a few moments, smiling when your lips quirk up and you nod your head encouragingly.

when he flips it over, he sees your neat handwriting in red ink with i’s darted with hearts.

i really like you, too :) happy valentine’s day ♥

a deep chuckle leaves his mouth, cheeks turning pink as he throws his head back and looks at you fondly.

“i never said anything after you asked me out because i was too nervous and shocked,” you tell him honestly, his smile widening as he watches you speak. “so i just wanted to assure you.”

“thank you, baby,” he laughs out, placing the picture down and wrapping his arms around your waist tightly. “i’m glad you’re letting me know two months into this that you do in fact like me.”

a squeal of protest and defense tries to leave your mouth before he shakes his head, cutting you off with a kiss to your lips that you immediately meet. it’s chaste despite the way you’re in his lap, your mouths parting and his tongue licking along your bottom lip.

“your turn for a gift,” he says when he pulls back, both of you slightly breathless. “go wait on the couch.”

“but i wanna do the-”

“i’m just gonna stick them in the dish washer,” he tells you, the look in his eye proving you’re not gonna win this conversation. “just find something for us to watch, okay?”

you stare at him for a few seconds, his gaze and face unwavering causing you to let out a groan and jump off his lap. he smirks to himself as he begins to clean off the table, watching you pad over the couch to turn on the tv.

you seem comfortable in his house.

you look like you belong there and that makes his heart pound in his chest the whole time he puts the dirty dishes away.

he sneaks into his room to grab your gift before joining you, plopping down on the couch next to you and causing a tiny, surprised squeal to leave your mouth.

“you scared me!” you giggle, a quiet “sorry,” leaving his mouth as he starts to dangle a small white bag in front of your face. your eyebrows pull together as you snap your head to him, a content, almost conniving smirk on his face.

“yeosang...”

“i never said dinner was your gift so stop looking at me like that,” he says, his hand on your cheeks squeezing them together lightly.

your lips are pushed together and pouted and he has to resist the urge to kiss them, your eyes shooting daggers into him the only thing holding him back from doing so.

you take the bag with a small sigh, your eyes softening when he smiles down at you.

your heart nearly drops when you see a small black box wrapped in the white, glittery paper, your wide eyes meeting his that makes him throw his hands up innocently.

“not an engagement ring, don’t worry.”

a snort leaves you as you hit his arm playfully, licking over your lips before opening the box with shaky hands.

the first thing you notice is the amount of diamonds.

small, sparkly diamonds in a crescent moon shape that makes your eyes widen. it’s shining under the faint light of living room, the tv blaring and candles from the table filling the room with the aroma of cotton candy and sugar - courtesy of jongho’s love for festive candles.

“yeosang...”

the gift leaves you just as speechless as it does emotional, tears pricking your eyes because while you love it and you’re so grateful, he didn’t have do this; you didn’t expect any gift from him since he cooked you dinner tonight.

“do you like it?”

“of course i like it, i love it,” you’re quick to say, the feeling in your chest the biggest indication of that. “but i didn’t need this, yeosang. it’s too much.”

“it wasn’t,” he insists with a small, half-amused pout, his hand running through your hair before caressing your cheek gently. he smiles when you lean into his touch, thumb running along your smooth skin.

“i saw it and i thought of you.”

you look from him down at the necklace in your hand, a small smile on your face at the memory.

your arms grazed as you laid out on the blanket together, the cold chill in the air bringing your bodies closer and closer together. neither of you even noticed until the warmth of other’s skin sent shockwaves through you, a blush on your cheeks and a shy smile on his face.

“this was kind of better than dinner and movie i think,” yeosang’s deep voice says, breaking the comfortable silence that’s fallen over you. you rest your chin on his chest as you look up at him, a small smile on your face as you nod your head.

“i think so too,” you say sweetly, sticking your cold hands under the blanket. “definitely the best first date.”

a soft smile crosses his face, his cold hand cupping your cheek as his gaze roams over your face. the light of the moon is the only source of light tonight, shining in your eyes with a look that’s making his heart pull in his chest.

he couldn’t tear his gaze away from you, the fascinated, content look on your face as peered up at the sky. take in the sight of shining stars and the crescent moon and the dark waves crashing on the shore.

it’s a sight that’s gonna remind him of you now. the moon and the stars and the distinct feeling of being content and at ease on the beach at night.

“good,” he says with a sense of finality, pressing a sweet, chaste peck to your lips. he smiles when you meet it back hesitantly, everything about it innocent and slow and just how he wants to pursue you.

“the moon’s gonna remind me of you now so i hope our second date goes well too.”

“our second date went well,” you mumble, toying with the necklace in your hand as you observe the amount of diamonds.

you’re almost uncomfortable at the thought of having something like this around your neck, knowing it was expensive and that you’ve never received a gift like this before.

“it did,” he says, the slightly crestfallen look on your face casing him to frown. “do you not like it? is it cheesy?”

your face falls the second you hear those words, the rapid shaking of your head causing a smile to pull at his lips.

“no! no, no, no, of course not,” you’re quick to reassure, guilt building in the pit of your stomach.

“i love it. i really, really, love it and it’s so beautiful. but i didn’t need a gift like this, yeosang. i feel bad that you got this and i got you a $15 frame with a secret picture.”

a deep chuckle leaves his mouth as he rolls his eyes, shutting you up with a kiss to your lips. his hand weaves through your hair and you make a tiny noise against it, clutching the necklace in your hand tightly.

“i wanted to get you it,” he says when he pills back, slightly breathless as he looks down at you.

“it wasn’t about the money. i love that picture and what you wrote on the back,” he teases, your eyes narrowing despite the embarrassed flush on your cheeks. “so don’t feel bad and please accept the gift, baby.”

he must see something in your eyes that shows him he won, a proud smirk on his face as he takes the necklace from your hold and brings it around your neck.

his hands graze your hair before touching the sides of your neck, the feel of his skin on yours causing you to bite down on your lip. his smirk widens as he struggles to clasp the necklace, all nervous feelings subsiding when a small giggle leaves your mouth.

“are you having a tough time?”

“no,” he grumbles, another small giggle leaving your mouth until you’re suddenly pushed down on the couch - necklace successfully on and back pressed up against the cushions.

all laughs and smiles are completely wiped off your face with the pressure of his body on yours, his smirking face above you causing your breath to quicken.

“oh? are you having a tough time now?”

he sounds so cocky and teasing, it should make you narrow your eyes. tease him with just as much of a conniving, wise-ass tone and smug look. but instead, your stomach swoops and your eyes move to his lips and like there’s a break in a dam, your mouths meet in the start of a fervent kiss.

he holds himself above you, tongue slipping in your mouth as he swallows your small, quiet moans. his hand trails itself down the side of your stomach to rest on your hip, the pressure of him and his lips on yours all consuming.

your hand travels to the back of his head, tugging lightly at the strands before a squeal leaves your mouth.

his deep chuckle rings through the quiet apartment as he lifts you up, plopping you down on his lap before connecting your lips again.

it’s the fastest you both have ever moved, your hands toying with the bottom of his shirt while his hands grasp your hips tightly. pulling your body closer to his and moaning into his mouth when you rub against him a certain way.

you feel him smirk against your lips, pulling back every so slightly to catch the growing hint of lust and desire in your gaze.

“oh? that feel good?”

your cheeks flush at the tone of his voice, swallowing the embarrassed lump in your throat as you nod your head timidly.

“let me know when you wanna stop,” he mumbles, his words kissed along your neck making you sure you never want him to.

your mouths connect again in a fit of tongues meeting and bodies crashing, foreign feelings of arousal coursing through your veins. you guys always took things slow but you were never sure why - if he was doing it for you or if he just didn’t wanna do that step.

but you were secretly even hoping tonight, you’d be able to go further.

that’s why when his hands trail along the bottom of your shirt, warm fingers dipping under to touch your skin, you move into him even more. pulling back to look at him through hooded eyes as you nod your head.

you don’t even have the time to feel apprehensive when you’re sitting there in just a lace bra, exposed and slightly cold with goosebumps on your skin, because yeosang’s quick to assure you.

look at you with a soft, sweet fascination and tell you how beautiful you look for him.

both your shirts hit the living room floor before he’s scooping you up, a surprised squeal leaving your mouth that brings a smile to his face.

he plops you down on the bed shoved in the right corner of the room, clothes littering the floor and a mess of wires near the desk. it’s a little messy but it smells surprisingly clean, like a mix of cologne and yeosang’s natural teakwood scent.

“we don’t have to do this,” he says, his body looming above yours.

because you guys really don’t have to do this, he’d be perfectly content watching movies tonight with an inkling of kissing or touching, but, fuck, does he want to.

he’s wanted to hear you moan and touch you and taste you since you both started dating. since he looked at you under the stars and knew he’d fall for you shortly after.

“i want to,” you confess, a soft blush on your cheeks as you look up at him,

he rolls his tongue over his lips, biting down every so slightly in a way that makes your lower stomach tighten in desire. the look in his eyes is too much, it’s nothing you’ve ever seen before. like he wants to-”

“i want to ruin you,” he mumbles, bending down to press a peck on your neck. “i won’t do it tonight,” he continues, trailing his lips down your chest before bringing his hand to the lace.

his finger traces the red material, sliding one of the straps down before tugging down your bra. his eyes move to your nipple, hardening in the cold air as he feels his cock do the same.

“i’m gonna be slow and gentle and so good to you, baby,” he says, his hot breath fanning over your exposed boob. his lips are so close to touching your skin, the warmth and wetness bringing tingles to your skin.

“i only ask that you moan for me, okay?” he mumbles, his tongue swiping across your nipple causing a choked, strangled gasp to leave you. you feel him smirk against your skin and can’t even be embarrassed by it, just wanting more of him and more of the pleasure he’ll give you.

“doesn’t seem like that’s gonna be a problem though, pretty girl,” he chuckles out, mouth closing around your nipple again as his hands trail down your side.

every sensation seems heightened and overwhelming, completely aware of how heavy your breathing is and the building pit of desire in your stomach. desire that heightens when his hand ghosts past your pants, his middle finger tracing small circles through your leggings.

he can feel your legs widen and a smirk crosses his face, sucking at your nipple once more before pulling back and meeting your lips. you moan at the feeling of his fingers moving quicker, a strangled “yeosang, please,” catching you off guard as much as him.

but it seems to get things in to motion - because your leggings are done and your skin hits the cold air a few moments later, yeosang tugging his shirt over his head before his hands are back on you.

you’re laying beside him, head resting on his bare chest when he slips his hand in your underwear. rubbing quick, skilled circles on your clit as your breathing labors and you whine into the air.

“have you ever been touched like this before, baby?” he mumbles, a shake of your head causing him to stop his movements all together. you whine at the loss of pleasure, looking at him with glossy, confused eyes that makes him hold back a smile.

he likes seeing how desperate you got. how ready and willing and eager you are for him.

“have you ever been touched like this?” he repeats, a croaked whine of “no,” leaving your mouth that makes him smile. continue his blissful strokes on your clit as a finger slowly enters you.

you’re so wet that you welcome the stretch with a moan of pleasure, a deeply grumbled “fuck,” causing your eyes to roll back when he hesitantly adds another.

“you’re so wet, baby. you’re so fucking wet for me.”

you nod dumbly, not being able to find the words as his pointer and middle curl and he fucks you with his fingers. you moan his name when the pleasure becomes too much, wanting to scream when he suddenly removes his hand from you.

you watch through hooded eyes as he tugs your underwear down with his teeth, his mouth pulled into a smirk until they’re only just past your upper thighs.

because like he’s so eager and can’t wait, like he’s been waiting for this moment since he knew you were gonna be okay with it, he looks down at your bare, soaked pussy with a look of hunger you’ve never seen before.

“let me eat you out,” he says, his words choked out and tone deep and strangled. “please, baby, can i?”

his voice sounds as desperate as you feel and you have to sit up so you can crash your lips on his, the overwhelming need to kiss him coming over you. he meets it back immediately, sloppy, open-mouthed kisses and tongues until you pull back and tell me “please.”

his tongue brings you to your first orgasm, your thighs shaking between his head as your hand runs through his black hair desperately.

when his cock springs free, he circles it around your entrance and enters you slowly. sweet, soft spoken words of “it’s okay,” and “you’re doing so good, angel,” that make the whole experience that much better.

you feel full and he feels so good inside you, both your moans ringing through the air and the smell of sex in the room until he’s coming in you. hips bucking and slamming quickly to follow his high before he flicks your clit a few times to bring you to your second orgasm of the night.

you both lay there after, naked and panting, before he’s up and getting a warm, wet rag. there’s a slight sting but it makes you feel incredibly love and vulnerable, watching as he cleans between your legs with a sweet, gentleness and diligence.

“was that okay?” he mumbles in your hair, the faint scent of sweat and perfume on your skin. you only mumble and nod against him but he needs to see your face in this moment.

see that this was just as amazing and fulfilling for you as it was for him.

and when he meets your gaze, his thumb under your chin to meet his eyes, he can see it was. in your glossy eyes and shy smile and pink cheeks that makes him wanna kiss you all over again.

“it was good. really good,” you confess quietly, a small deep chuckle leaving his mouth as he moves a sweaty stand of hair behind your ear.

“yeah? really good?” he teases, eyebrow quirked as he pecks a playful kiss on your cheek. “just how good?”

your blush intensifies as you hide your face in his chest, his laugh mumbled against your head as you feel his lips press against your head.

you two eventually venture back into the living room after a few more kisses and wandering hands, plopping on the couch fully dressed and cuddled into one another when there’s a commotion right outside the apartment door.

the both of you turn to see the seven other boys barreling through in a drunken, sloppy daze, yunho holding mingi and jongho up while hongjoong holds san and wooyoung. seonghwa follows behind with an annoyed expression, meeting yeosang’s gaze that screams you will pay for this.

“what the hell happened?”

“single people drank for free,” hongjoong says, watching as the four drunken idiots either collapse onto the floor or stumble into the kitchen; seonghwa follows quickly behind, because as much disdain as he has, he doesn’t wanna see anyone light themselves on fire.

“so you could only imagine how that went. i don’t even know how many peanut butter and jelly shots san and wooyoung had.”

“that is so disgusting,” yeosang says, your head nodding against his chest because “i’m sorry, but that kind of is. maybe you guys should have some water now.”

“it was good, y/n!” jongho whines, throwing himself down next to you and yeosang. he slumps against the arm of the couch, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before his eyes shoot open.

you and yeosang watch as he does so, quickly rising from the couch and sniffing like a police dog in front of a bag of drugs.

“the fuck’s your problem?”

“who lit my cotton candy candle?!” the boy yelps, taking one whiff of the air and being positive he’d know that smell anywhere. “and why does it barely mask the smell of sex?!”

your eyes widen and a deep, red blush overcomes you, a growl leaving yeosang at the same time hongjoong comes over and tugs the boy up by his arm. the smaller boy throws you an apologetic look as he escorts jongho to his room, yeosang’s arm tightening around you as you hide yourself in his chest.

“does it really? i don’t smell anything.”

yeosang bites down on his lip so he doesn’t start laughing, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he shakes his own for your own peace of mind.

“no, baby. it’s fine. he’s just a drunk idiot.”

april - freshmen year

maybe it was because you guys started out so strong.

with great communication and constant assurance that kept you both aware of each other’s feelings.

you knew when he was feeling unsure about your quietness, wondering if it was something he did or if you just weren’t feeling good that day.

he knew when you were feeling overwhelmed, realizing just how different you two were the longer you were together. how he was just so outgoing and charismatic and extroverted and you just... weren’t.

how now that they honeymoon phase was over, stupid little arguments would break out. about what to do on the weekend, about where to eat, about staying in to study versus going to a cafe on campus.

they weren’t even real fights but it was enough to make you see a change in you guys. enough to see that, maybe, one day, this was gonna be a problem and you two would have to overcome it or let it ruin something good.

“we’re having seonghwa’s birthday party at the house tonight,” he tells you during your study session, another argument he won by bribing you with hot chocolate and sugar cookies at a local cafe.

you look up from your work and nod your head, a small smile on your face at the thought of seonghwa and the others.

you’ve gotten a lot closer to all of them over the past few months, even seonghwa who took a little bit longer to come out of his shell. but now that you talked to him you saw how nice and funny he was.

how he comes across as scary and standoffish but, really, is one of the most loyal and observant friends in the room.

he always knows when people are uncomfortable or have had too much of someone or something for the night - you watched him physically separate wooyoung and san when the both had too much alcohol and were getting snippy with each other.

his presence brings a comfort over you that you can’t quite explain. maybe because it seems like he’s kind of like you - quiet and shy and doesn’t like being the center of attention.

which is why you’re shocked in the first place he even agreed to a party.

“oh, he didn’t,” yeosang says, a smirk on his face as he thinks back to the night they all gave him an ultimatum. “but it was the lesser evil that we gave him so he agreed.”

“oh?” you quip, eyebrow raised as you play footsie under the table. “and what was it? making a restaurant sing him happy birthday?”

a wide smirk crosses yeosang face as he nods, a giggle leaving your mouth as you smack his arm lightly.

“you guys are bad.”

“eh, he’s dramatic,” he says, your gaze dropping back down to your work.

he’s said that a few times when you tell him a restaurant or bar is too crowded. when you’re at one of his sister’s house parties and the beer pong table is becoming far too overwhelmingly and crowded for your liking.

it’s always in a joking manner, him whisking you away despite others’ groans of protests, but it still secretly makes you a little sad.

“i actually have to go help them set up in a bit,” he says, your neck snapping up to him again. he sees your eyebrows pull together and reaches across the table, his hand on your arm rubbing you assuringly.

“what’s that face for?”

“nothing, i just...” you let out a sigh as you look down at your lap, feeling silly and stupid and perhaps dramatic. “you’re the one who wanted to come here and now you’re leaving. i could’ve just stayed at my room.”

“yeah but then i wouldn’t have fed you,” he says, reaching over to peck your nose sweetly. “i’ll pick you up at 7:45, baby.”

you can’t even say anything before he’s up and out the door, a heavy sigh leaving your mouth as you watch him walk to his car. he turns around and waves, a small smile on your face as you wave back and watch him drive away.

you try not to think about it as you get your work done, faintly aware of the growing population in the cafe and the raising altitude of voices. a group of five take the spot next to you and that successfully gets you ready to sprint out the door.

it’s all good sounds, laughter and squeals and chipper voices, but it’s still too much for you. the sounds and the crowds and the overwhelmingly desire to just be in a peaceful quiet by yourself.

that is until a familiar voice, deep and low and calming, brings you out of your panic before it can even start.

“y/n?”

you look up to see a head of dirty blonde hair, seonghwa clad in dark leather and converse as he makes his way over to you.

“oh. hi, seonghwa,” you say, voice quiet and slightly breathless.

his eyes remain on you for a few seconds too long, gaze carefully roaming your face before he makes his way over to the table. he sees your books and pens splayed out messily, a smirk on his face as he meets your eyes again.

“the semester just started, how do you have all this shit to do already?”

“believe me, i’m wondering the same thing,” you wince, his quiet chuckle causing a smile to light up your face. “what are you doing here?”

“getting a coffee. i slept like shit last night.”

“did wooyoung keep you up?”

“of course he did, the annoying fuck,” he grumbles, his eyes rolling and face pulled in disdain causing you to giggle. “speaking of which, where’s yeosang?”

seonghwa can count on his hands how many times he’s seen you two without each other.

“he left like an hour ago actually,” you say, seeing the time on your phone is 5:00 before your voice turns teasing and you raise your eyebrows playfully.

“he’s getting your party ready.”

seonghwa’s face pulls into on of confusion, your smile dropping as a guilty, sinking feeling builds in your stomach - yeosang didn’t tell you it was a surprise.

“oh no.”

“those annoying fucks, i swear to god,” seonghwa growls lowly, your eyes widening and lips pulling into a frown. “guess i can’t go home tonight.”

“i’m sorry, seonghwa, they didn’t tell me it was a surprise,” you whine quietly, looking up to meet his tight, dark gaze. “they said it was either that or a restaurant sang to you and you went with the party.”

“i told them that one was worse, not that i wanted a party.”

your frown deepens as you sink in your seat, your hands toying nervously on the table. seonghwa’s eyes fall to them and he lets out a sigh, eyes moving to the chair before he plops down in his seat.

a silence hangs between you both, as silent as it could be in a bustling, crowded cafe. you look up to see him watching your hands, quickly pulling them apart and smiling when he meets your gaze.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to spoil it,” you say, “but i don’t think they’re inviting that many people. yeosang usually tells me when parties are gonna be really crowded, so they’ll probably only be like twenty people.”

“yeah, well, that’s eleven too many.”

you press your lips together as you watch him, his neck rolling back and adams apple bobbing.

you can feel the table beside you watch, are sure the whole cafe has been watching since the moment he walked in. you’re not blind to the fact that seonghwa is unbearably attractive, slicked back dirty blonde hair and large stature that draws attention anywhere he goes.

for as long as you’ve known him though, you’ve never seen him bring girls around. or even mention a girl. he always just keeps to himself and his friends - and now you, you suppose, after months of trying and trying.

“i guess this is why they said we’re having a roommate meeting at 8:00.”

you send him a sympathetic smiling, assuring him that it won’t be that bad and you’ll be able to get through it together.

“i sometimes wonder how you’re able to put up with it,” you tell him honestly, thinking back to all the times you’ve watched him and his roommates. “they’re all so crazy and extroverted and.... loud.”

a deep chuckle leaves his mouth as he nods his head, rising from the chair and looking down at you.

“years of practice and selective hearing,” he says, a giggle leaving your mouth as you nod your head. you don’t think anything of the way his gaze lingers on you, sending a small smile his way before he speaks again.

“so you’ll be there tonight?”

“yes! yeosang’s picking me up at 7:45 so i should probably get going too,” you say, closing your textbooks and getting your pens together.

“i’ll order my coffee and then walk you back to your dorm.”

“oh no, seonghwa, it’s okay, i-”

but before you can protest any further, he’s turned around and waiting in line to place an order for his coffee. you let out a sigh as you pack up your books, securing it on your shoulder before meeting him at the register.

the cashier is just as mesmerized as she is disappointed when she sees you stand next to him, dropping her flirtier smile for a polite one.

“your order will be right out sir.”

he nods his head as you guys go to the waiting area, standing side by side in silence before you turn to look with a smirk on your face.

“sir?”

“you can walk home in the dark, how ‘bout that?”

a giggle leaves your mouth as you shrug, insisting you didn’t even ask him to walk you home in the first place. he only rolls his eyes before his name is called, grabbing the hot coffee as you follow behind in amusement.

the walk to your dorm is only a few minutes, you and seonghwa walking in a comfortable silence as you walk through the campus. snow from last week’s storm rests on the trees in a picturesque manner, a slight chill in the air that causes you to shiver.

“are you gonna act surprised?”

seonghwa looks over at you as you walk, his arm clumsily bumping into yours as you walk through the slushy, dirty snow - it goes seemingly unnoticed by both of you, arms accidentally grazing for a few seconds before disconnecting as you walk.

he just shrugs and remains quiet, slipping back into the dismissive and intimidating person he once seemed to be. you don’t even think he realizes he comes off like that, just has this look that screams do not look or talk to me.

you stop in front of your dorm a few moments later, turning around tot meet seonghwa who looms over you. he wears a blank, unreadable expression until you smile up at him, thanking him again for walking you and that you’ll see him in a few hours.

“no problem, couldn’t let yeosang’s girl walk alone,” he says, gaze lingering on you for the third time. you've noticed him do this to everyone though, watch and observe to a point where you think he knows things people don’t know about themselves.

“and i’ll act surprised, tonight. won’t let it slip that you ruined my birthday.”

“yeosang didn’t tell me that it was a sur- wait. is today your real birthday?”

his eyebrow quirks up sarcastically, a smile pulling at his lips as he looks at you.

"why would they throw me a birthday party if it wasn’t my birthday?”

an embarrassed flush crosses your cheeks as an awkward giggle bubbles out of your mouth.

“i just thought because it was the weekend or something,” you stutter out, “happy birthday, seonghwa.”

“thanks, y/n,” he smiles, eyes softening every so slightly before he nods his head toward the building. “go in. it’s cold. i’ll see you later.”

“bye,” you say, sending a small wave his way before turning around and disappearing into your dorm building.

if you didn’t know any better, you’d think seonghwa was an award winning actor.

because when the party of 30 (just ten over what you predicted) screamed “happy birthday seonghwa!” in the pitch darkness, a miscalculation mingi and the light switch, he seemed genuinely surprised.

or, at least, as surprised as his face could express when he turned on the lights.

his eyes were wide and his eyebrow was quirked, a look of disdain throw at his friends who were huddled in the front and clapping excitedly.

“happy birthday hwa!”

“we got you, bitch!”

“wear this happy birthday hat!”

he whacked the red hat right out of jongho’s head, growling at him to not push it in a way that makes you hold back a laugh. he catches your eye and smiles at you, mouthing “good enough?” that has you nodding happily.

the house party picks up almost immediately after seonghwa’s arrival, music blaring and drinking games starting and a loud, pleasant chatter that your boyfriend thrives off of.

guides you around by the small of your back and introduces you to people you’re sure you’ve met before but just don’t recognize you; regardless, you’re polite.

smile at people and say hello before falling into the silence of watching yeosang and stranger after stranger talk. even someone he doesn’t know, like the friend of a friend or significant other of a friend, he talks to like he’s known them forever.

he just connects with people so easily and a part of you is truly envious of it.

“i just don’t get how you do it,” you whine to him on the couch, the same alcoholic beverage in hand (you think yeosang said it’s a rum and coke) that you humored him with when the party started.

“i just talk, baby, what do you mean?” he laughs out, you sitting on his lap as he takes a swig of his beer.

“i know but so easily,” you mumble. “and you don’t see awkward or scared or anything. what if you guys lapse into a silence? or don’t know what to talk about?”

“silence isn’t bad, though, we sit in silence sometimes. and there are always things to talk about.”

like the person walking around with jongho’s array of candles, making the drunk boy run after him and fight off people trying to sniff them.

or the incredibly competitive and entertaining game of flip cup, one side far superior than the other and completely demolishing them.

or like how the birthday boy, the reason why eveyone’s gathered here today and having fun, hasn’t gotten his ass off the couch since he walked through the door.

“i didn’t ask for these people to be here,” seonghwa growls when he hears yeosang talking shit, throwing a dirty look his way as he tosses a pillow at him. “you idiots did that all on your own.”

“and aren’t you happy we did? now you have a bunch of gifts.”

the blank stare seonghwa has shows he could not give less of a fuck about the pile of cards in his room right now, politely thanking the guests who were nice enough to actually bring them and not just their drunken presence.

“we should’ve taken your grouchy ass to a restaurant so they could’ve-”

“yeosang, bro! please come here! we need you!”

the voice belonged to a guy from your class named yeonjun. he had pink hair and was very similiar to your boyfriend, charismatic and friendly in such a gravitating, almost unnatural way.

he also apparently sucked at flip cup.

“it’s not my fault you suck,” he yells from over the couch, loud groans of protest and upset coming from the table.

“c’mon yeosang! please!”

“we need you!”

“leave your hot girlfriend and get over here now!”

yeosang looks to you to see a flustered blush on your cheeks, a deep chuckle leaving his mouth as he pecks one the pink skin.

“can i go, baby?” he mumbles quietly, squeezing your waist every so slightly. “they’re really desperate and need me.”

your lips purse together as you look over your boyfriend, the slight pout and look in his eye causing you to sigh. he knows then that he won, again, the way he usually does these days, and lifts you off his lap.

he presses another kiss to your head before he’s off, loud, happy shouts of excitement causing you to crane your neck back. he does the weird boy hand shake-hug before the game starts up, turning back to see seonghwa sitting across from you on the other couch.

“having fun birthday boy?”

“no,” he answers immediately, dryly, in a way that brings a big smile to your face. “how ‘bout you?”

“it’s okay,” you shrug, curling your legs under you as he rest on the couch more comfortably. “i hope the cake is good.”

“i don’t like cake.”

he’s never seen someone’s eyes widen as much as yours do in that very moment, a small, short chuckle leaving his mouth at your expression.

“what?”

“how do you not like cake?” you squeal.

if there’s one thing you could eat in this world, dietary and nutritional values aside, it would be chocolate cake.

“i just don’t like it, it’s too like sweet and sugary. and if it’s chocolate, that’s even worse.”

the pillow he threw at yeosang flies through the air and hits him back in the face, only your smug, disturbed expression staring back at his shocked one. it would usually make you laugh, the look on his face, but you’re truly just so disturbed - how is there not gonna be cake at a birthday party?

“how could you not like chocolate cake of all the cakes!” you squeal

“did you just throw a pillow at me on my birthday?”

“i mean like carrot cake or fruit cake i get. those are kind of gross and only certain people like them. but chocolate cake? it’s loved by almost every-”

like a game of monkey in the middle, with no monkey, the battered throw pillow flies through the air again and just misses your face; whether he did that on purpose or accidentally is no one’s business.

you and seonghwa stare at one another, eyes narrowed and faces slightly red, completely unaware to the party around you until you’re the one who cracks. put your hand to your mouth and start laughing hysterically.

not a cute giggle or breathy chuckle but a big, hearty, real laugh.

he’s never heard you like this before, probably because he’s only spent a little bit of time with you, but it makes him smile even more. the sound of your laugh and innocent happiness is contagious, his deeply mumbled “stop,” so obviously fake due to the the smile tugging at his lips.

you eventually moved onto the couch beside him, hitting him closer with the pillow before plopping down next to him. talking to him and being next to him made you forget about the party.

not because he was handsome or because you liked him - you loved yeosang and were dating him.

you just enjoyed being able to relate to someone. loved sitting there with someone who didn’t just wanna drink or get high or dance. who was able to be there in silence or talk about nonsense while being surrounded by the chaotic energy of a party.

so much so that you don’t even realize your own boyfriend left you for half the night. not once coming over to check on you or see if you were dong okay until it was time for the cake seonghwa wasn’t even gonna eat.

“i’m sorry, baby, i got caught up with the game,” he mumbled, his arms wound tightly around your waist. you shake your head against his chest, assuring him that it’s okay as he tickles your neck with soft pecks from his lips.

the night ended with yeosang getting so drunk, you had to put him to bed. it wasn’t something you minded, you’ve done this a few times before, but for whatever reason tonight it made something build in the pit of your stomach.

like you already knew tonight something in the future was gonna change because of parties, yeosang’s extroverted ways and seonghwa’s lingering eyes that everyone but you three notice.

july:

you end the semester with all a’s, an excuse to not return home for the summer and a strained relationship.

it seemed like it happened slowly and then all at once.

there was the time at seonghwa’s party where you thought nothing of it. he was occupied and, luckily, so were you. he left you but went back smiling and affectionate, pressing kisses to your skin and mumbling about how beautiful you looked.

but then it started happening more.

at his sister’s parties where he knew you were uncomfortable.

at frat parties where you were even more uncomfortable.

even at his own house, when the boys had a few people over and they were playing video games while getting high.

it was always seonghwa who kept you company, the two of you in the same room as them but seemingly on a different planet. sitting beside one another observing the party and sharing snide, sneaky comments about others.

how it seemed as if there was some turmoil between mingi and yunho, the way they were ignoring each other and sharing looks back and forth when the other wasn’t looking.

how wooyoung and hongjoong’s frat boys friends didn’t seem to get along in the slightest, the boys always sneering at him when he laughed too loud or teased them too much.

how yeosang was so consumed by the limelight, talking and laughing and making jokes, that he seemed to have forgotten you exist.

“i don’t think he realizes he does it, y/n,” seonghwa assured you one night, the end of the semester coming to a close and allowing you all to relax.

it’d been a hard and stressful first year but there’d also been a lot of fun. a lot of making new relationships that you know will last a lifetime and a lot of things you learned about yourself through all of these experiences.

it’d also been one of the happiest times of your life thanks to yeosang, the boy you fell for so hard and so fast despite all your fears and reservations.

you’re still happy now, even with the bumps. because you think, you hope, that you guys could get through them.

“he’s always been like that. very social and in the middle of a group. people are always drawn to him.”

seonghwa’s not surprised that you were drawn to him. yeosang’s always had something about him that people flock to, men and women alike; but you were the first he’s truly fell for.

reciprocated feelings for and truly cared about their well being and them as a person.

“i don’t think he’s trying to hurt you. that’s just how he is.”

“he’s not hurting me.”

because through all of this, through him ignoring you and neglecting him and seemingly blowing off your feelings because they’re silly and unrelatable to him, you’re trying to convince yourself he’s not.

that you really are just being silly and dramatic about all of this.

that even though you go these outings for him, despite detesting them more than anything, and he keeps leaving you alone, you’re not hurt by it; but seonghwa can see through it.

and whether it’s because you guys are so alike or because he’s so annoyingly observant, you’re not sure. you just know that he looks at you with a soft, sympathetic disbelief that causes the ever growing lump in your throat to grow bigger.

“y/n...”

“he’s really not, seonghwa,” you mumble, words hushly spoken as you watch yeosang carefully; you know if he sees you looking upset, he’s gonna come over.

he’ll stop whatever he’s doing or whatever conversation he’s having and it’s because of that you can’t be upset. because he still loves you and cares for you.

you just have to stop being so dramatic and silly.

when you say that to seonghwa, the very words that come from your boyfriend’s mouth, you watch his face change completely. become harder and harsher as he looks to yeosang, jaw ticking as he pops his neck to the side.

“whatever you say, y/n,” he mumbles. “i just don’t want you guys having problems over this. he loves you, y/n.”

he asked you to stay with him for the summer a few days before classes ended, unsure if you’d be able to but wanting to ask because “my parents are gonna be away for the summer,” he said to you suddenly, both of you laying naked in your dorm.

you craned your neck up to look at him, sweat glistening on his face and chest making him handsome even then.

“are you scared to be in the house all alone?”

he rolls his eyes playfully, bopping you on the nose lightly before pulling you on top of him. the blankets lay around you messily, your core under his flaccid dick that just ripped several orgasms through you.

“very. i’m gonna be very scared and need you with me. i truthfully might not even survive,” he drones on, resting his hands on your hips as you roll your eyes at him.

you ponder over it as you sit on top of him, biting down on your lip in a way that causes him to tighten his hold and roll your hips over him just a little bit. you ignore him and his horny ways the way you’ve learned to, thinking it all over before realizing it might be good for you guys.

you don’t know if he’s noticed the slight disconnect, it could just be you living in your head all the time, but you think spending time together would be good. would remind you of how you felt with him when you first started dating and he always made sure you were his number one priority.

you want some of that again. you want him to notice when you’re upset or uncomfortable and go out of his way to help you in a crowd, even if it’s just for a moment.

you want to feel like if it came down to you, his friends and the parties or you, that he’d pick you each and every time.

the first few weeks of summer felt as if you were getting that.

you spent a lot of your time longing around his house. playing in his pool and watching movies outside and having sex on nearly every surface, you were surprised to be able to walk.

but all of that quickly stopped when everyone else was home from college.

when his hometown became just one big reunion, people from his high school and neighboring colleges getting together the one way college kids knew - house parties with kegs and loud music.

it seemed as if every few days, you guys were going out.

you and yeosang and all of his friends meeting up with different groups and different houses and having the time of your lives late into the summer nights.

the stuffy houses and sleazy bars definitely weren’t your scene but yeosang, per usual, thrived.

he more often than not would leave you after the first hour, making sure you were with seonghwa or hongjoong or yunho before going off to drink or mingle with his friends.

he’d check on you periodically but it almost seemed as if he felt obligated to.

pressing a kiss to your cheek or holding you by the waist to ask if you needed another drink or wanted to play beer pong; but it was always the same answer every time.

a polite no with a fake smile on your lips that he left with a parting kiss before disappearing back into the crowd.

it was getting old and you knew he was starting to feel the disconnect too, the more hazy summer days that passed, but you both ignored it. because the times at his house were nice, you almost felt normal.

kissing and cuddling and talking as you ate.

but you knew that would all fade away eventually.

when there more were people who weren’t just you or his friends and craved something more exciting than just staying in and hanging out.

talk of a beach bonfire weekend had, admittedly, peaked your interest.

it was different than the stuffy houses or sleazy bars you’ve gotten used to over these past few weeks of summer.

now, you got to go to the beach and rent a nice house right by the ocean. be with yeosang and his friends and the people you got to know in a much more tropical and romantic setting.

you drove up with yeosang, yunho and mingi in the latter boy’s jeep, you and yeosang in the back as wind whipped through your hair. you giggle anytime your hair smacks him in the face, eventually being pulled into his chest to stop the assault from happening on his face.

his heartbeat is calming under your ear, his arms wrapped tightly around your body as him and the two boys in front talk over the plans for the weekend.

you’re blissfully unaware of it as you remain close to his body, warm and sticky in the humid air but not caring.

because even despite your problems and disconnect, you still want him near you. you still find comfort in him and you still want to feel loved by him.

“how does that sound?” you hear yeosang mumble in your ear, his breath tickling your skin causing you to hum against him.

“how does what sound?”

“did you fall asleep?” he asks teasingly, nudging you playfully until your faces are a few inches from each other. “i asked if you wanna go on a date tonight when we get there.”

a happy smile crosses your face as you nod eagerly, one breaking out on his too before he places a soft kiss on your lips.

you’re buzzing with a silent excitement the rest of the ride, your hand is his as you play with his fingers and he smiles at you ever so often. holding hands always felt right between you two, like they were made to fit perfectly and acted as a way to ground you both.

your hands stay intertwined when you get to the house, a giant 8-bedroom mansion on the beach that cost you half of your savings - but the view is making it seem worth it.

the waves crashing just a few feet from the back door and causing everyone to storm out of their cars to fight for the best room.

“i want the balcony, please for the love of god! i will do all the dishes during this trip if you guys let me have it.”

“that’s such bullshit,” hongjoong complains, calling wooyoung out on a deal he knows he definitely won’t abide by; but after much nearly 30 minutes of whining and a written contract stuck to the fridge, it was decided.

wooyoung gets the room with the balcony in exchange for dishes duty, a fair exchange you think given the view.

your and yeosang’s room is the one next to wooyoung, an en-suite and beautiful view of the ocean outside the floor to ceiling windows. your standing there watching the waves crash, bags at your feet and content smile on your face when yeosang wraps his arms around you from behind.

you giggle when he presses his lips to your neck, turning in his hold to immediately meet his for a kiss. it feels like you miss him even though you see him everyday. even though you’ve fallen asleep and woken up next to him for over a month.

“what do you wanna eat tonight?” he mumbles against your lips, pulling back to look at you with a smile on his face and a playful twinge in his eyes. you cock your head to the side as you look up him, shrugging your shoulders because it really doesn’t matter.

you’re just excited for your date.

“i don’t care, i’ll have anything.”

“we’ll find a place then,” he says, pulling you closer to him in a way you already know means something. “you wanna shower before we go?”

“why? do i smell?” you tease, a smirk on his face as he pulls you toward the bathroom wordlessly.

and lucky for both of you, there was a very convenient bench in the shower that had you in there until the mirror was foggy and the water ran cold.

“can you bring us back food?” mingi whined, yeosang rolling his eyes as he caught the boy’s car keys.

“as long as you eat in on plates so wooyoung has to wash the dishes.”

“hey!”

“deal.”

a smile spreads across your face as you wave goodbye to all the boys, wearing a pretty new dress you’ve been wanting to wear for weeks. yeosang takes your hand and interlaces your fingers together, shouts of “bye” and “have fun lovebirds,” echoing through the house.

the restaurant is right on the beach with outdoor seating, twinkle lights lining the space with the quiet chatter of people and gentle crash of waves. you and yeosang are play footsie under the table as you look over the menu, shy smiles and coy narrowed eyes beuing thrown at each other.

it’s been a while since things have felt this natural and easy between you two but you think you both needed it. the casual conversation, the airy chuckles and giggles, the warm feeling in the middle of your chest when you catch him looking at you lovingly.

“you look beautiful, baby. are you excited for this weekend?”

a faint blush covers your cheeks as you look up at him, twirling the spaghetti on your fork as you nod your head.

“yeah. we’re going to the beach tomorrow, right?”

“yeah,” he says, popping a piece of steak into his mouth. “and then we’re gonna meet changbin and them at a bar. his friend’s parents own it so we’ll be able to get in.”

“oh... okay,” you hum after a few seconds, quietly picking at our food and feeling yeosang’s eyes on you.

“what?”

you look up and meet his gaze, the sweet, softness gone and replaced with something you’re not quite able to make out. you feel nerves in the pit of your stomach, taking a deep breath before you plaster a smile on your face.

“nothing. that’ll be fun.”

“you think?” he asks, eyebrow quirked and a happy smile on his face; he was hoping you liked going out and meeting his friends more. he loves showing you off and having you by his side but in the beginning, it always seemed like you didn’t wanna be there.

he’s happy you’re coming around to it now, wanting his girlfriend by his side and having fun with him too.

“yeah,” you lie through your teeth, the smile on your face a complete contrast to your feelings inside.

when did he stop knowing when your smile was fake? or thinking that you actually wanted to go out? couldn’t he see all the time you were pushing yourself to be there for him, just for him to leave you alone?

“i think we’ll have fun,” you lie again, having a terrible feeling that this weekend getaway might be the thing that breaks you and yeosang completely.

because your relationship is already fragile and neither of you are acknowledging it. you just keep kissing and giggling and playing footsie under the table, looking like the perfect couple you truly once were in the beginning.

friday morning it seemed as if maybe things were gonna be okay.

you woke up to yeosang kissing your face, forehead to cheek to cheek to nose until he peppered them down your neck and a tired whine left you. he smiled against your skin, his lowly mumbled ,”good morning, baby,” making your stomach flutter first thing.

the moment was quickly over, open mouthed kisses and his tongue slipping past yours, when wooyoung and mingi bursted through the door, dramatic yelps leaving them as they ran out covering each other’s eyes.

“i cannot believe you kiss him in the morning,” wooyoung said an hour later, all eight of you walking down to the beach.

the cooler was packed and ready, fully prepared for a day in the sun and pregaming for the bar later tonight.

“why?” you ask, a smile pulling at your lips at the look of disgust on his face.

“multiple reasons but his breath being the first! isn’t it disgusting? there’s no way he doesn’t wake up with rank breath, y/n, i just don’t believe it.”

an arm wraps around your waist from behind, your boyfriend’s hand craning your face back so he can peck another long, lingering kiss on your mouth; wooyoung’s gags in the back cause you to smile against him.

“you better be careful talking about rank breath,” yeosang says when he pulls away, eyes right on wooyoung who’s wearing a look of shock and hurt.

“i don’t have bad breath.”

“i can smell you right now. did you even bring a toothbrush?”

“he actually didn’t,” jongho quips, wooyoung’s head snapping toward his as you and yeosang suppress your laughter - one of you better than the other.

“it’s all he kept talking about in the car. sick fuck even asked to use to mine but that is just too-”

“oh wow, look at the waves! c’mon, y/n, you said you wanted to play in them!”

wooyoung grabs your hand before you’re able to say anything, giggling as he drags you down the hot sand. you throw down your bag and look back at yeosang with a smile, his hand waving you off as he picks up your belongings.

mingi and san join you both a few minutes later, the water making your feet numb in the wet sand.

you don’t know how long it takes all four of you to fully immerse yourself in the water - at least thirty minutes if you had to guess. but once you got in, you guys didn’t wanna get out.

the waves were harsh and crashed down on you viscously but that was part of the fun. diving into the water and letting the salt water soak up into your skin and hair. it was even better that there was no gross seaweed, the four of you attempting to play toothpaste despite the major difficulty.

but with how much time past, pruny fingers and soaked hair, you didn’t expect the others to already be shit-faced. it was barely noon and you could tell immediately that yeosang, hongjoong and jongho were well on there way to getting obliterated tonight.

you have sinking suspicions it’s because changbin and his friends are also here; and when their two friend groups are together, nothing could comes of it.

they’re all fun and sweet and care for one another but they also build off of each other - enable each other’s young, college drinking habits and rowdy behavior.

“b-baby, c’mere,” yeosang slurs when he sees you, wrapping you up in a towel and pulling you on his lap.

you land on his lap with a plop, smiling and saying hello to the others. you can smell the alcohol on yeosang’s breath but he’s always in good spirits. always laughing and smiling and making jokes that, usually, his drinking isn’t a problem.

it’s not something you particularly enjoy or can relate to but he’s never been a mean drunk.

not until today.

“you look really good today, you know that?” he mumbles lowly in your ear, the new, red bikini you brought clinging to your body in all the right ways. you were slightly embarrassed to wear it today but decided to go for it because you thought you looked nice in it and spent $70 on it.

you looked up at him with an embarrassed flush on your cheeks, elbowing him lightly as he wraps his arms around your waist. his fingers toy with the edge of your bikini under the towel, your eyes widening when you feel what he’s trying to do.

“yeosang,” you whisper harshly, keeping your voice low but firm as you smack his hand over the towel.

“what,” he whines lowly, eyes roaming the area to see everyone either going to the water or chatting amongst themselves. “you’re covered, baby. i wouldn’t let anyone see what’s mine.”

“are you crazy,” you whisper as you peek your face up at him. “we’re already drinking underage on the beach yeosang. you can’t finger me in public either.”

“who said i was gonna finger you?” he mumbles, a smirk on his face and teasing in his voice; but you don’t find this funny. you don’t find him being this drunk and touchy at noon is funny. “you’re getting ahead of yourself now, baby.”

“why are you getting this drunk at noon, yeosang? we’re going out tonight too, unfortunately.”

“unfortunately?” he asks, craning his neck down to look at you. “i thought you were excited.”

“i was so excited for the beach,” you tell him quietly. “i thought you would come in the ocean with us.”

because you wanted to spend that time with him. have the jeuvnile fun you used to have when you’d go on drives to the beach at night and freeze your asses off on the sand.

“you looked like you were having enough fun with wooyoung and san,” he mumbles, something darker and sarcastic in his voice that makes you turn in his lap and look at him.

his eyes are glassy and teasing but not in the light hearted way. they look almost vengeful, like he’s jealous or feeling left out the same way you’ve been; but you’re always sitting there, at parties or at bars or in your room, waiting for him.

how doesn’t he see that?”

“that’s because you’ve been with everyone else. you’re always with everyone else and you leave me behind.”

“what are you even talking about?” he sneers, keeping his voice low but full of bite. “you come everywhere with me like my damn shadow, y/n. how do i leave you behind? i couldn’t if i tried.”

his words make you physically recoil, his lap now longer feeling comfortable and inviting but cold. the hurt is evident on your face and in your heart and he’s just looking at you like he’s ready to have a full on argument, his eyebrow raised and glossy eyes wide.

like he’s waiting for you to say something just so he can respond and hurt you.

there’s a long, lingering silence between you two, the laughter of others surrounding you despite the way tears are burning your eyes. a screech of your name pulls you away, looking at san and mingi where the shorter boy is holding his foot above the sand.

“can you come back with us? i cut my foot.”

some silly part of you expects yeosang to tell them to leave you alone. that you spent your time with them and now it’s his turn to be with you. but he doesn’t say a word, just bounces his knee as if to tell you to get off and it feels as if your heart drops into your stomach.

you swallow the growing lump in your throat, throwing the towel back on yeosang and rising toyour feet to help san.

“sure,” you tell the boy quietly, not looking back at yeosang once as you make your way up to the house.

you clean san’s foot on the counter in the kitchen, getting off all the dirt and dust with an alcohol pad as he whines in pain.

“it’s not that bad,” you mumble, mingi nodding in agreement as san narrows his eyes at both of you.

you’re strangely quiet, more quiet than usual, and mingi can’t help but notice the sad look on your face; you’d been so happy in the water and when you first got to the beach.

“did you and yeosang fight?”

you look up at mingi to see his eyes on you, soft and sweet and looking over you gently. it makes the weepy, emotional part in you wanna cry but you refuse, letting the dramatic tears burn your eyes at you shake your head.

“are you sure? you look sad.”

“no, i’m okay, i’m just tired,” you say, sending a small smile his way that is obviously fake. “the water and sun always tire me out.”

san and mingi accept your answer as you finish covering san’s food, slapping a band-aid on his heel and smiling (the smallest hint of a real smile) as he kisses your cheek in thanks.

you watch outside the window as yeosang sits in his chair, all the boys in a circle with their cups full of beer and throwing their heads back in laughter. you can hear their banter and harsh words through the open glass, not a single part of you wanting to go back out there.

you’d much rather sit in the bath or take a nap, rid yourself of the image of yeosang’s harsh words and annoyed eyes.

“y/n?” san says, your eyes snapping to his concerned face - how long had he been calling you?

“c’mon, we’re going back,” he says, extending his arm down to you. “we used to play this olympic game when we were kids and we wanna try again.”

a smile pulls at your lips at his statement, picturing all of them as crazy kids running up and down the beach playfully. but now you don’t wanna go back out there, especially since you have to go out later with them.

“i kind of wanna take a nap before we go out tonight,” you tell the boys, looks of horror crossing their faces.

“what? we’re not going out till 7. it’s only 1:30, y/n.”

“i know but i’m gonna take a bath, too. the tub is really big.”

the dejected frowns on mingi and san almost make you crack but they eventually let it go, insisting that if you can’t fall asleep to come back out so you can all go back in the ocean.

you watch them walk back to the group from the door, eyes lingering over yeosang who’s smiling and laughing with his big group of friends. he always looks most comfortable like that, in a big group of people where everyone looks to him and laughs, giving him the attention he used to look for from you.

but things change apparently. you don’t know how or when or why neither of you have acknowledged it but it’s obvious that somewhere along the line, things had changed.

“where’s y/n?” seonghwa’s voice asked, pulling yeosang from his discussion as he sees mingi and san walking back to the group.

“she said she’s tired,” san answers with a frown, a scoff leaving yeosang that has the dirty blonde side eyeing him. “she might come back down after she takes a nap.”

“she won’t,” yeosang says, taking a sip from his beer before throwing the glass bottle into the garbage bag; san and mingi side eye each other, catching the dark look that seonghwa throws the boy’s way.

“can someone get me another one?”

you woke to the sound of yeosang shuffling around in his bag, eyes fluttering open to see a towel wrapped around his waist. your eyes roamed over is body, a flat, toned stomach and muscular arms that now had a red su burn on them.

“did you put on sunscreen?”

he jumped slightly despite your quiet tone, meeting your tired gaze and bedridden hair as he nods his head. he places a pair of jeans and a t-shirt on the bed, undressing in front of you as you keep your gaze on him.

“did you sleep well?”

you can’t read his expression or tone at all right now and it unsettles you greatly; so you only nod, sitting up and stretching your arms up and over your head.

“are you coming out with us?”

your eyes narrow and that same sad feling plummets in your stomach again. how it feels like your heart’s falling down further and further.

“um... why wouldn’t i?”

“because it doesn’t seem like you want to.”

“then should i just sit here by myself?”

silence fills the room as you both just stare at each other blankly, the hurt behind your eyes and the annoyance behind his far too palpable. you wonder if he’s gonna say anything in response or just leave the out the bedroom door, quirking an eyebrow up in the quietness.

“we’re leaving in 30,” is all he says, voice still short and eyes still tight as he turns around and leaves. mingi and san sneak through the door, most definitely eavesdropping, as they run over and plop on your bed.

“you didn’t come back.”

“you guys definitely fought.”

you let out a sigh as you look to mingi, an apologetic smile on his face as he pats your shoulder reassuringly. his hand moves to your hair, lacing his fingers through it before a knot stops him.

“i was sleeping, okay,” you grumble, a deep laugh leaving him as he pulls you up and off the bed.

“we’re leaving soon so get ready. we’re just gonna dance and have fun. i promise.”

and so similiar to the beach outing, the first few hours were fun.

the music was good, it wasn’t too crowded and you even didn’t mind the taste of your strawberry daiquiri. you danced with san, mingi and wooyoung until your feet were killing and your throat felt parched.

you went up to the bar for a water, needing to yell your order over the voices of people as you realize just how crowded it got. your eyes scan the bar for yeosang, seeing him in the corner where the big group resides.

your eyes meet form across the room, a small smile on your face as you wave to him.

you know he sees you, you know you two definitely make eye contact and that he could tell it was you, but he doesn’t acknowledge you in the slightest. only hyunjin and jisung do, yelping your name from across the bar and ushering you over eagerly.

you hesitantly make your way over, a polite smile on your face. there’s a few people you don’t recognize but there’s a lot of people you do, trying to keep that in mind as you approach the table closer and say hi to everyone.

“y/n! where have you been?”

“dancing with san and mingi,” you tell them. “wooyoung, too, but we kept losing him.”

“he’s too friendly for his own good,” jisung says, his eyes roaming you and yeosang before back to you. “where are they now?”

“not sure, maybe outside.”

“cool. stay with us for a bit.”

you’re hesitant but find yourself nodding anyway, your arm grazing yeosang who’s standing next to you. you look to him and he’s talking to a few guys across the table, hyunjin calling your name twice before you notice.

the whole time you’re talking to them, you can’t help but notice how yeosang seems to be avoiding you. giving you the cold shoulder like you’re a random stranger in a bar and not his girlfriend.

and the longer it goes on, the worse you feel. trying to carry on the conversation but becoming more and more aware of yeosang’s distance; and you’re not the only one who’s noticed.

“yo, yeosang,” jisung says, the black-haired boy snapping his head toward the boy. he nods his head toward you, your neck craning toward yeosang and face dropping when the boy begins to speak again.

“is there any reason you’re ignoring your girlfriend?” he asks, humor in his tone.

“what do you mean?” the boy asks, his eyes moving to yours, the same unreadable expression in them.

“you haven’t looked at her once. are you guys even still dating?”

“surprisingly,” the drunken man quips sarcastically.

your face drops and it’s like he knows it, looking at you with a roll of his eyes.

“i was kidding, y/n,” he huffs, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into him. he reeks of alcohol and cologne, keeping you under his arm before continuing his conversation.

the entire time, it’s like you’re not even there. he doesn’t once acknowledge you or try to include you in the conversation. just keeps you there as if your his shadow, something he’s not even aware ad that he doesn’t pay any mind to.

you thought you’ve been dramatic over these past few months. maybe being too sensitive or too emotional or maybe even asking too much from him. but it’s like he doesn’t even want you here.

he hasn’t looked your way once and neither of you acknowledged the way you snapped at each other before. your communication has gone down the toilet, all of your feelings brewing while his seem to be nonexistent.

you move out from under his arm, no one, not even him, noticing when you mumble that you’re going to the bathroom.

tears burn your eyes the entire time, feeling stupid and left out and annoying, like you have no place here and just have to be attached to someone who doesn’t want you or yeosang’s friends.

you grip the sink and take a few calming breaths, looking up at the mirror when you hear the door open.

a drunken girl comes in and smiles upon seeing you, her face immediately dropping before she makes her way over to you.

“oh no, what’s wrong?” she asks with a frown on her face, her eyes roaming yours carefully as her hands grip your arms comfortingly. “you look like you’re about to cry.”

you almost laugh at the fact that this random stranger is the one noticing that you’re upset when you were just beside your boyfriend. you only shake your head and promise her that you’re okay, a pathetic excuse of a smile plastered on your face.

but the same way a person breaks down when someone asks if they’re okay, you do when you try to assure her that you are. that you and your boyfriend are in a great place and you feel completely happy here with him.

“just... stupid stuff with my boyfriend,” you eventually mutter out, a small tear escaping your eye that causes her frown to deepen. “i feel silly and dramatic but i don’t know.. i feel like he’s been ignoring me. we’ve been so weird these past few months and it doesn’t seem like he even loves me anymore.”

“leave his ass, are you crazy,” she asks without hesitation, wiping at your tears with a sympathetic smile on her face. “you’re beautiful and he’s not worth crying over. no boy is. because that what he is. a boy. a stupid boy, in fact.”

a wet, strangled giggle leaves your mouth despite the tears streaming down your face, watching as she takes a paper towel and dabs at your face.

“you’re gonna mess up your makeup so no more crying!” she says happily, bouncing up and down with her legs crossed. “leave his ass and have fun, sweet girl! i’m about to pee my pants now.”

another giggle leaves your mouth as you thank her sweetly, wiping at your face and smiling when she lets out a heavy sigh of relief. you take a deep breath, trying to take her words to heart but far too aware of the upset in your stomach.

how leaving him seems like the most painful thing ever. how you don’t even wanna do that because you guys haven’t talked about anything yet. all these problems could be in your own head for all you know, you two haven’t had any sort of discussion.

but it doesn’t help that he doesn’t even seem receptive.

he has been ignoring you and making you feel left out. he brings you along just to leave you when he knows you’re only coming for him; even on the nights you guys stay in, it’s obvious he wants to be out partying.

why can’t it be more fair? are you asking for too much or is he just being inconsiderate?

you walk out of the bathroom to se the corner of bar empty, only jisung and hyujin lingering. the taller boy meets your gaze and the two make their way over, letting you know that they went to the bar outside.

“oh... okay, thanks for letting me know,” you thank softly, a small smile lighting up your face.

they both wear their own sympathetic smile, hyunjin shaking his head at jisung when they make eye contact. there’s a few moments of an awkward silence, you looking between them both before jisung opens his mouth to speak again.

“yeosang was saying some fucked up shit, y/n. i just wanted you to know.”

“han...”

“no, hyunjin, they’ve been together for a long time and he knows her best. that wasn’t cool.”

your stomach plummets at the words leaving the boy, the tears you just got rid of burning the back of your eyes again.

“what... what did he say?”

“it wasn’t anything that bad, we were just shocked. you guys usually seemed so happy and in love and it was just-”

“he said it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if you guys broke up. and that if you wanted to, he wouldn’t be too opposed.”

the look on your face must give it all away, tears filling your eyes as you feel yourself ready to bolt. you will not be the girl who cries publicly in a bar, looking like a hot, red-faced mess because your boyfriend decided to be an asshole.

“he’s shit faced, y/n,” hyunjin says immediately, his stomach turning at your tears; he hates when people cry, especially girls. “he only said it because he thinks that’s where you guys are headed. said you guys have felt very disconnected since school ended.”

and while it helps to hear that you haven’t been the only one feeling that way, it still hurts you.

because it doesn’t seem like he wants to fight for you and he hasn’t said anything to you. he’s just ignoring you, making you feel worse and worse with the occasional kiss or whispered sweet nothing.

you think the worst part is that, eve if you guys did break up, he wouldn’t be sad about it. he’d just move on without any qualms and think of you as the girl he dated during his freshmen year of college.

but he was much more to you than that.

he was your first love. the first boy you allowed in and let yourself trust. gave yourself to in the most intimiate way and found solace in him despite your differences.

those differences seem to be your downfall right now - with one similarity that, apparently, both of you suck at communication.

you don’t even realize you’re turning around and leaving the bar until you hear your name being called behind you, walking out in the warm night air and heading toward the beach.

you just keep walking and walking and walking, until there’s nothing but silence and the waves crashing around you.

he knows he shouldn’t care this much.

he knows that it’s not his place and that the boy next to him should be the one worrying and concerned about where you are.

but yeosang doesn’t seem to care at all, switching from beers to shots in a decision seonghwa made hours ago to stay away from.

he can’t stop his eyes from moving to the door ever so often, waiting for your hair or smiling face to walk through and flood him with some relief; but when he sees mingi, san, and wooyoung come in without you, he’s not sure he can hold off any longer.

“yeosang,” seonghwa says, voice deep with his usual bite. “where’s y/n?”

“i don’t know,” he slurs out, not even bothering to look around or observe the crowd. “probably with mingi or san.”

“no, they’re out here, too.”

“i don’t know hwa, why do you care?” he growls in annoyance, downing another shot to dull out the sound your name and all the concerns he has. coming to terms with the fact that you guys are changing and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

“because she’s missing, yeosang. no one has seen her or is with her.”

he’s getting more and more irritated at his friends attitude, the way it seems like he couldn’t give less of a shit about where his girlfriend is. especially when he knows you get uncomfortable in this setting.

“i’m her boyfriend, hwa, and i know she’s fine. so fucking drop it. she’s around here somewhere.”

but that answer doesn’t quell the worry in seonghwa, the dirty blonde rolling his eyes at the endless horror stories plaguing his mind. they’re underage at a crowded bar with sleazy drunks and cops lurking - there are far too many things that could go wrong.

“then act like it, dickhead.”

yeosang just rolls his eyes, turning his attention back to the group and dismissing seonghwa and the conversation completely. he doesn’t know how they can talk about his girlfriend missing to something as mundane as video games, seonghwa getting up with a huff and walking back into the bar.

he checks around the whole bar twice, nearing 1 a.m so the building is at its maximum capacity. but even then, he checks everywhere and doesn’t see you; he even asks girls waiting on line to the bathroom to see if you’re in there, unaware of the dreamy look in their eyes as they nod and hang on to every word he says.

“no one named y/n was in there,” they said a few moments later, an apologetic look on her face before she smiled flirtily. “did you lose your girlfriend?”

he rolls his eyes and thanks them politely, not giving her the time to give him some cheesy pick up line before he’s outside.

it’s warm with such a slight breeze coming off the ocean, looking up and down the block before the beach catches his eye. there’s a few people walking in the distance and he thinks it’s worth a shot, walking away from the bar and going down to the cold, grainy sand.

he’s walking for twenty minutes, about to turn around as he wonders why the hell he’s even looking for you, when he hears soft cries.

he can barely hear them over the sound of the waves but he definitely hears them, squinting his eyes in the distance to see a figure hunched over with their face in their hands.

he can tell you it’s you when he’s a few feet away, the way your hair’s falling and dress is riding up your legs. he swallows thickly, relief flooding through him as he looks over your figure quietly.

he could tell you and yeosang were having problems, could tell you’ve been having them for a few months by how often you and him would hang out at parties, but it seemed as if they were getting worse these days.

he saw it on the beach this morning, the way you went from smiling and laughing to disappearing inside the house. it bothered him then but he knew he shouldn’t butt in, waiting until you guys figured it out or handled things on your own.

but now he can’t just sit back anymore.

he’s seeing changes in his younger friend that he doesn’t enjoy; his drinking, his attitude, the way he’s treating you 90% of the time. and tonight had been the last straw for him, his blatant disconcern for you and your wellbeing completely rubbing him the wrong way.

he continues to approach you quietly, the sound of his footsteps in the sand causing you to look up.

the faint glow from the streetlights and moon cast light on him, calming you immediately as you look up at him. you feel the wet tears on your face but could care less at the moment, sending him a small broken smile that makes you feel pathetic.

seonghwa is similiar to mingi and san in the aspect that he’s able to tell something’s off between you and yeosang. not because he’s nosy (in the most concerned way) like the two younger boys but because he sees it.

watches you at parties and is usually the person sitting beside you on the couch while yeosang’s off doing whatever.

he moves slow and cautious, sitting down on the sand next to you silently. you can feel the heat radiating off his arm, not quite touching you but just a few inches away.

you’re no longer crying but tears are still on your face, leaving you wet and sticky and most definitely tear-stained.

“i don’t know what i did, seonghwa.”

the dirty blonde looks your way when you finally break the silence between you two, seeing your tooth in your lip and eyes strained on the dark, starry sky.

“we’ve been so weird ever since the semester ended and it’s only getting worse. i- i know that’s just how he is but he was like that in the beginning too but he would never ignore me. i don’t know what i did or why he started but it feels like we’re on our way to breaking-”

you can’t even say the words because it’s not something you’re ready to do. you still love him and there’s still hints of you guys as a happy couple, the way he holds you and kisses you and looks at you sometimes.

but the bad is outweighing the god these days and it’s hurting you. hurting you to the point that you’re here, crying on the beach to his best friend who you don’t even realize looks at you a little too long and a little too soft.

and he doesn’t even know what to say to you this moment. because he sees his friend is changing and he sees it’s effecting you; it makes him wanna go back to the bar and punch yeosang in the face, tell him to wake up before someone snatches you away and treats you the way you deserve.

“am i the one being stupid, seonghwa?” you ask again, turning to look at the boy beside you. “do i just have to like... get over it and try for him? try to enjoy all of this and be okay with mingling on my own?”

“you go out with us all the tie, y/n, how are you not trying?”

it’s the softest you’ve ever heard seonghwa’s voice, something about it bringing more tears to your eyes because it’s so obvious that you’re a mess.

“i must not be if he’s being like this. it’s like he doesn’t even know me and he just wants me to leave him alone. he- he even told jisung it wouldn’t be that big of a deal if we broke up, so why am i even crying?”

seonghwa feels rage bubble up in his chest at the thought of yeosang saying that, cracking his knuckles one by one until he’s facing you again. he doesn’t get how he can’t see what he’s doing to you or how he doesn’t care.

“he’s been different these past few months, i’ve seen it too, y/n, so it’s not you,” he assures gently, waning to reach out and touch your hand form comfort. “he’s just... i don’t know what the fuck he’s doing but he shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”

you let out a sigh as you hide your face in your knees, tears leaking from your eyes again as quiet sobs leave you.

you feel seonghwa’s hand on your back a few seconds later, moving up and down slowly as you fall into him. you both just sit there on the sand, you crying and him silently comforting you as you try to make sense of this mess.

because even right now, with you gone and not saying a word, he doesn’t care. he’s not calling or texting or going to look for you. he just don’t seem to care at all.

“please don’t cry, y/n,” he mumbles quietly, his thumb moving up and down your skin gently.

but his words don’t help in the slightest. you just muffle your cries until you can’t anymore, peeking your head up as you wipe the wetness off your face.

“i’m sorry,” you mutter, feeling embarrassed to have just cried your eyes out for god knows how long; but seonghwa doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest, shrugging his shoulders with a small smile on his lips.

“you don’t have to apologize,” he reassures gently, sending a small smile his way.

you watch his eyes roam your face, dark eyes piercing yours in a way that you once found so intimidating. but you’ve gotten to know him so well and know how sweet he is.

how much he looks out for his people and that he’d really do anything for anyone.

“what?” you ask, feeling self conscious and seen. “are there tears on my face?”

“just a few,” he teases, reaching across to dab at the reamining wetness. you smile softly as he tocuhes your skin, watching him so gently reach over your face.

his warm fingers linger on you for a little too long but you don’t even notice, thanking him softly when he pulls back.

you lean back and are reminded of your first date with yeosang, on the sand that feels familiar and the sky with a bright crescent moon similiar to the one around your neck.

it pulls at something in your heart, how maybe you guys will never be like that again. how the honeymoon phase is just something that isn’t meant to to last htat long maybe.

it’s just a fleeting moment that you’ll remember in times like this, when it feels like you guys are about to fall apart.

tears prick your eyes again, a sigh leaving your mouth as you silently beg yourself not to cry again before seonghwa’s on his feet and reaching his hand down, like he knew you were about to blow.

you look at it with confusion, looking from his hand to his eyes looking down at you expectantly.

“come with me.”

“where are we going?” you ask, taking his hand hesitantly. he pulls you to your feet with ease, keeping you hands intertwined as he turns around and pulls you up the beach silently.

“seonghwa,” you whine, your bare foot tripping over the lumpy sand. he just grips your hand tighter every time you stumble, a quiet chuckle leaving his mouth that makes you narrow your eyes at him.

“you’ll see,” he says, eyeing you back just as sternly. “i past it on my way to find you.”

a dimly lit playground with swings and small, slightly janky jungle gym comes into your view, a smile lighting up your face as you turn to look at seonghwa.

“i don’t know how i missed this,” you tell him, knowing for sure you hd to have passed it on your way to the beach.

“you were too busy crying,” he teases lightly, a snort leaving your mouth as you push him gently. he narrows his eyes and pushes you back playfully, watching as you take off in the sand and plop down on a swing.

he smiles as you wave him over, moving the swing and pumping your legs as you hold your arms out to him. he walks over, leaning his head against the chain of the swing next to you watching you sit there and smile up at him.

“push me,” you ask sweetly, his eyes narrowing slightly. “please,” you add, wide glassy eyes and a sweet smile that renders him unable to resist. his warm hands rest on your back as he pushes you higher and higher, your eyes looking out into the ocean and sky as memories wrack your brain.

“when... when did you get that?!” you yelp, moving closer to his larger, warmer body to get a good look at it. “i didn’t even see you pick it up!”

“i was sneaky, right?” he teases with a wink, guiding you by the waist to sit down before placing the basket between you.

you barely notice the harsh gust of wind because of your excitement and surprise, yeosang’s hands draping a blanket around your shoulders before you can even shiver.

“i even packed the food. i didn’t really know how to be sneaky for that so it was pure luck that you went to the bathroom.”

you both happened to like cheese ones, your hands grazing and soft giggles leaving when you both reached for it in the frozen section.

“i... i can’t believe you did this,” you mumble quietly, feeling far more touched and happy than you’re willing to let on. “this is so cute. thank you, yeosang.

you shake your head from the memories, looking back to see seonghwa still pushing you with a content smile on his face. you stretch you legs to reach the ground, slowing down until you jump off.

you topple on the sand a little bit, seonghwa calling your name with a chuckle and watching as you steady yourself out. you turn to him with a smile, looking up at him in a way that causes his heart to jump in his chest.

he knows he has to ignore though. because problems or not, broken up or not, you’re still his best friend’s girlfriend.

but it doesn’t stop him from frolicking in the sand with you. following you as the playful spirit comes out from zipping down the slide or climbing on top of the monkey bars.

he grabs your leg that hangs off from the monkey bars, your whiney “seonghwa!” echoing through the quiet night air. his laugh causes a smile to light up your face, the two of you in the playground until your body is weak and you’re laid out on the sand.

seonghwa checks his phone to see it’s almost 3:00, wondering aloud if their friends are back from the bar.

and that’s the reality check you need. remembering that your boyfriend’s ignoring you, you don’t know he you did and his best friend is the one here - comforting you, making you laugh and keeping your mind off all the things that are making you sad in the first place.

it’s a very sobering thought that makes your smile fall off your face, jumping up from your spot in the sand as you look at seonghwa.

“i... we should get back then,” you hear yourself say. “i didn’t realize it was that late.”

it’s the reality check seonghwa needed to, that he shouldn’t be the one making you laugh and smile while your heart and mind are still plagued by yeosang. so he nods his head, rising to his feet and looking down at you for a few seconds.

you feel a lump form in your throat at the look he gives you, butterflies threatening to erupt in your stomach as his eyes roam every inch of your face. eyes to your hair to your nose to your lips, his tongue peeking out before he nods his head down toward the beach.

"lets go, then,” he says, ignoring the slightly dejected feeling in his stomach he knows he shouldn’t have. “they might be back by now.”

you guys walk back to the house in silence, arms bumping ever so often in a way that both of you try to ignore. because even if this felt right, even if your time with seonghwa always feels so right and easy, it feels right with yeosang too.

and it’s not like you can just have them both.

gong home to an empty house was incredibly sobering.

your bed was cold, the house was quiet and you had to muffle stupid, disappointed cries into your pillow until you fell asleep.

but there was someone else sitting in the living room, waiting for the moment his friends come back so he can tear his one drunken asshole of a friend a new asshole.

and that’s exactly what he did when he heard the front door open, wooyoung and san’s loud “heeellloo!” echoing through the house causing his head to snap toward the door.

the boys shuffle in, saying their hi’s to seonghwa as they filter in the kitchen and start to raid the cabinets for food. yeosang’s the last to get through the door, his stumbling to a minimum and glassy eyes observing the house carefully.

seonghwa feels his jaw clench, the two boys meeting eyes as the black-haired boy approaches him quickly.

“did you find her?”

“how’d you know i went looking?”

“do you think i’m a fucking idiot?”

seonghwa clenches his jaw again, cracking his tension-filled neck as he looks at his friend. the boys hold a dark, intense eye contact that goes ignored by the rest of the boys - too consumed by their need for food, drunken ramblings, and wooyoung crying about keeping the dishes to a minimum so he doesn’t have to wash them hungover tomorrow.

“she was on the beach crying,” seonghwa eventually bites back, looking at his friend with every hint of disdain and anger. “heard that you said it wouldn’t even matter if you guys broke up or not.”

“that fucking jisung,” yeosang grumbles, seonghwa rolling his eyes and getting up from the couch. he feels yeosang falling behind him, half tempted to tell him to piss off before they’re both just outside the dirty blonde’s room.

“what are you so mad about? she’s my girlfriend, yeosang.”

“and you’re treating her like shit, yeosang. you have been for months. leaving her all the time, barely spending time with her, do you even notice how much she fucking hates going to those?”

“but she still does?” yeosang says, face pulled into confuson and irritaiton - he doesn’t like the way he’s feeling attacked and defesnive. “i never force her to go.”

“obviously she’s gonna go for you,” seonghwa growls, confused as to how his friend is so stupid and blind about this. “because she loves you, yeosang.”

“i love her, too,” he says, “she knows how much i love her.”

the look soenghwa gives him cause his eyes to narrow, anger spiking in him as he pushes his frined back. seognhwa’s eyes flare and he has to hold himself back, knowing that he’s already not in a spot to fight over you.

“and if i didn’t know any better, i’d think you loved her too. running to her rescue right away and nearly ripping my head off before.”

seonghwa doesn’t know what to say so he doesn’t say anything, the silence doing more than words could at this point. and even drunk, yeosang knows what it means. can see in seonghwa’s face and body language that he has nothing to say because, yeah, he might love her, too.

“bullshit,” yeosang blurts out, a look of shock and horror on his face. seonghwa only shrugs his shoulders, attempting to walk away from yeosang before he pulls his friend back roughly.

“are you kidding me? y/n? out of every woman in this world?”

“i don’t know, yeosang, okay. it just fucking happened. i wasn’t ever gonna say anything to either of you.”

“wow, how noble of you. but you run off to save her when we get ino a fight.”

“because you were being a dick and she was upset,” seonghwa growls back, balling his fists in a similiar fashion to yeosang. “but i didn’t say anytihng to her. i just called you an asshole and said you were changing. not that she should leave you for me, although i’ve been tempted to steal her from you.”

a laugh of disbelief leaves yeosang, his head shaking as he looks over his friend.

“you’ve got fucking balls.”

and if it were anyone else saying this to him, they’d be beaten to a bloody pulp. but yeosang knows seonghwa would never make a move on you, actively try to steal you and get you away from him even if he wanted to.

he even had sinking suspicos that he had feelings for you, catching the way he’d look at you or his gaze would linger for just a little too lnog.

but he trusts his friend and he trusts you.

he was just the idiot now, acting as if you ddin’t mean the world to him and he doesn’t love you more than anyone else in this world.

“i’m gonna go apologize to her,” yeosang says, his gaze meeting seonghwa and making the dirty blonde nod his head. “thanks for taking care of her.”

the dirty blonde only nods his head, dread pooling in the pit of his stomach as he watches him walk out the room and go to you.

yeosang walks in to se your sleeping form on the bed, creeping over to his bag and cringing at the sound of his zipper in the quiet room.

you wake to the sound of shuffling toward the door, eyes peeking open to see yeosang with his shirt off and slipping on pajama pants. he makes his way over to the bed, your eyes closing quickly as you attempt to keep your breaths even.

you think his soft chuckle is a sign that you’ve gotten caught, keeping up the act as the bed dips and he’s sitting beside you, running his fingers through your hair gently.

“i’m sorry, baby, i’m so sorry,” he hums quietly, keeping his eyes on you as a knot forms in his throat.

he hadn’t reaalized how much he’d been neglected you this summer.

how often he was leaving you and just being assured by the fact that you always had someone with you - mingi, san, wooyoung, even seonghwa, although that proved to be slightly dangerous now.

“i know you’re mad, love, but i’ll be better. i was shit faced when i said that to jisung and hyunjin.”

your eyes peak open, seeing his soft, apologetic eyes that makes a frown appear on his lips. your hand reaches up to touch his face, his skin smooth and slight sticky from the humid summer air.

“are you shit faced now? will you even remember this tomorrow?” you ask quietly, still hurt by his words and the way he acted.

he takes your hand from his ace and presses a kiss to each knuckle, shaking his head as he crawls into bed next to you.

“no,” he mumbles, positing himself close to your warm body. “i stopped drinking when no one could find you. your girlfriend going missing tends to sober a guy up.”

a small snort leaves your mouth as you shake your head, meeting his gaze with tired eyes.

“i wasn’t missing, i was on the beach.”

“with seonghwa.”

you bite down on your lip as you nod your head, eyes roaming him carefully. you don’t quite know what to make of his tone or face, choosing to just nod your head in confirmation.

they had to have talked anyway - how else would he have known jisung told you what he said?

“i’m glad he was there for you when i wasn’t,” he mumbles quietly, a sad truth that he has to come to terms with despite knowing seonghwa’s feelings now.

“it’s okay, you’re here now,” you mumble, moving your body closer to his. he smiles against your head, wrapping his arm around you as he presses a kiss to your head.

but you can’t quite shake the feeling of seonghwa being there for you either.

the way he looked at you so sweetly and made you feel better with just his presence. his hold on you strong and gaze so soft, you can’t help but wonder if, somehow, you’ve also somehow fallen for yeosang’s best friend.

november - sophomore year

if someone told you over the summer that in four months, you’d be living with seonghwa and yeosang, you would’ve called them crazy. asked how the hell that arrangement came to be because why would a single man choose to live with a couple in the first place?

but really, the arrangement stemmed from all of you just having terrible luck.

you had started sophomore year on a terrible foot, not securing a single room this semester and getting a roommate you knew from the moment you met was gonna be a nightmare.

she was not only incredibly rude but messy.

her clothes littered every inch of the floor by the second week of class and her boyfriend would come over at all hours of the day; you understood it was her room too but hearing them try (and fail) to have quiet sex at 2 a.m was not only disturbing but left you exhausted most weekdays.

“i can’t keep doing it,” you whined to yeosang, laid on top of him in his bed.

it was ironic that his apartment, the one with seven hyper active boys you once thought was the loudest place on earth, was now your place of solace.

it was where you went on weekends to get a good night sleep, not only quiet with no interruptions but incredibly comfortable with your head in boyfriend’s warm chest.

“i’m telling you, baby, ask to get a new room,” he says, a frown on his face at the bags under your eyes.

his fingers swipes under your purple skin and you close your eyes at his gentle touch, always about ready to fall asleep when you’re with him.

“i did, they don’t have anything,” you whine, burying your face deeper into his chest. “i was even looking at apartments off campus but they’re all too expensive.”

yeosang quirks an eyebrow when he hears you say that, biting down on his lip as he contemplates telling you his idea.

because even before your terrible roommate dilemma, he’d been playing with the idea of asking you to move in together. you guys have almost been together for a year and this summer, even with the bumps in the road, had been nice.

waking up and going to sleep together every day had been the best part for him.always being with you and going about your day still with each other. food shopping, furniture shopping, even just watching tv in silence together.

he wanted more of that with you.

“why don’t we move in together?”

he doesn’t mean to blurt it out so harshly but the words just fall out, your head snapping to him with wide eyes.

“what?”

“i... i know it seems kind of sudden but why don’t we move in together? we can split the rent then,” he says, his arm wrapping around your waist tightly. “we basically lived together this summer and that was nice, wasn’t it?” he hums, grinding his body into yours a little too purposely to be innocent.

you roll your eyes despite the smile pulling at your lips, moving away from his chest to peer up at him.

could he be serious? does he really wanna live with you?

“would you really wanna live with me?” you ask quietly, his eyebrows pulling together at the meekness in your tone.

“of course i would, baby,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss to cheek sweetly. “why wouldn’t i?”

but even with his reassurance and sweet words, you still felt reluctantly.

it was a big step that scared you not only for financial reasons but because you know how you are. you couldn’t even have a roommate your first semester of college and now you’re gonna live with someone permanently?

but the more days pass with you living with your roommate, the more you realize you would much rather have yeosang. even if it meant taking a big next step with him as your boyfriend.

you walked up to his apartment ready to tell him you were ready to move in together, that you guys have to start looking immediately before you just insist on sleeping on the bench outside your dorms.

but when you open the door to this house, you’re met with chaos.

absolute, disastrous chaos.

voices screaming, water everywhere and, most importantly, all of them running around shirtless and packing their bags; you suppose this is why yeosang hadn’t been answering your texts.

“um.. what is happening?” you ask loudly upon entering, all the boys heads snapping to you.

you’re able to make out the words water line breakage, flood, drown to death and parents house, the several loud voices rendering you unable to say or hear anything properly.

yeosang pushes his way through and explains that their apartment is well on its way to being destroyed, a faulty waterline that the apartment manager didn’t take care of threatening to completely flood the building.

“what? where are you guys supposed to go now?!”

and that right there is how your current situation came about.

moving into a one bedroom apartment with your boyfriend and his best friend, the black-haired boy looking over seonghwa with a particularly harsh look in his eye.

the rest of them were either able to secure dorm rooms at the boys dormitory or move in with their parents who lived close by - but seonghwa’s parents lived out of state now and the apartment he was one step away from closing on fell through, thus leaving him homeless.

this unsettled yeosang greatly, knowing his best friend was secretly in love with his girlfriend still.

“you’re crazy if you think i’d try anything with her at all, let alone with you fucking here, yeosang, shit.”

“i already told you just to tell her so shit doesn’t have to be awkward,” yeosang said, whisper-yelling as you set up furniture in your shared bedroom.

“telling her would make shit more awkward, she doesn’t have to know,” seonghwa argued back, looking toward the bedroom with a cautious look on his face.

ever since he outed his confession to yeosang this summer, he’d been trying to act like the same.

distance himself physically but remain there for you emotionally - laugh with you, smile with you, act as a friend to you while not pushing the boundary when it came to how he felt about you.

“i don’t know how she doesn’t,” yeosang says honestly, looking at seonghwa with not a hint of anger in his eyes. “you make it pretty obvious.”

the dirty blonde narrows his eyes at the boy, punching him in the arm lightly before setting up the couch that now doubles as his bed - living like a true single bachelor.

you make your way out of your new bedroom, the house almost completely set up with furniture and decor.

a frown crosses your face when you see seonghwa setting up the couch with pillows and blankets, poking the cushions with your finger as you look at him.

“seonghwa, are you sure this is gonna be okay? sleeping on a couch isn’t comfortable.”

“it’s a futon, y/n, they’re meant for that,” seonghwa teases, a small smile lighting up his face. “it’ll be fine.”

“but are you sure? what if you start to get-”

“he’ll be fine, baby,” yeosang says from behind you, wrapping his arms around your middle as his eyes bore into seonghwa. “you don’t have to worry about him.”

the dirty blonde rolls his eyes before looking to you, reassuring you with a small smile and nod. he plops down on the couch and adjusts himself comfortably, giving you a thumbs up as he looks you over happily.

“it’s good, i swear. it’s new so i just gotta break it in.”

“maybe you can invite a girl over. finally get laid,” yeosang mocks, seonghwa biting the inside of his cheek so he doesn’t say a snappy comment; but you, you of course, have other ideas about how to break it in.

“that’s a great idea! let’s have a movie night!”

and before the two boys can protest, you’re running off to your room and writing in the group chat for the boys to come over at eight with snacks and a list of scary movies to watch.

“she already runs the show around here, doesn’t she?” yeosang grumbles, a smirk crossing seonghwa’s face as he nods his head.

“duh.”

“duh! you never go back in the house, are they fucking nuts!?” wooyoung shouts hours later, the apartment completely dark apart from the glow of the tv and jongho’s pumpkin pecan waffles candle (the one he insisted on bringing to set the mood).

you share a knowing smile with seonghwa, the dirty blonde finding himself in the worst seat of the house - directly next to a chatty, exuberant wooyoung.

yeosang and hongjoong had jumped up and claimed the chaises of the other couch, you spending the first two and a half movies curled on top of yeosang until your side became numb and you stole mingi’s seat.

now you sat beside seonghwa, bumping his arm lightly and giggling any time he made a passing comment about wooyoung or the movie or anything else he found utterly stupid or loud.

“who do you think would be the first to die?” you whisper to seonghwa, a smirk on his face as he looks over at you. his lips quirk as he thinks, looking over the pile of his friends laid out in his new living room.

he catches yeosang’s eyes on him, the boy watching carefully before he looks back to the screen casually.

“definitely mingi,” seonghwa mumbles in your ear, a smile pulling at your lips as you watch the boy clutch onto a blanket tighter and bury himself closer to yunho. “he’s a coward.

“maybe,” you mutter, a yawn escaping you as you adjust your position on the couch. your curled legs hit seonghwa but neither of you move, pulling the fuzzy white blanket tighter around you.

“but i think it’d be jongho to be honest,” you mumble, tired eyes still focused on the screen as you him and talk hushly. “it’s always the person you’d least expect.”

a small chuckle leaves seonghwa’s mouth as he nods his head in agreement, wishing he could put his arm around you so you could fall asleep against him more comfortably.

but he just keeps his arm and legs against you, watching the movie until he suddenly feels the pressure of your head on his shoulder.

he looks down to see your eyes closed, hair splayed over your face as even breaths leave you. you look so at peace and innocent in your sleep, not even realizing when his hand reaches out to move away the strands.

his eyes move to yeosang’s when he realizes what he’s done, looking to the boy who’s still adamantly watching the movie and chewing on popcorn. he settles himself back and tries to relax, feel the warmth of your body on his and tries not to get to comfortable with how nice it feels to have you against him.

a small whine causes him to look down at you a few moments later, his hand reaching down to rub against your blanket-covered leg calmingly. he barely realizes he’s doing it, not until his phone vibrates next to him and he sees yeosang’s name appear.

his eyes shoot up to see the boy looking at him, jaw clenched and eyebrow raised as he nods his head toward his phone.

yeosang [1:04 a.m.] you’re pushing it dick. try not to look so happy about my gf sleeping on you.

the dirty blonde is quickly humbled, removing his hand from your leg before trining his attention back to the screen; but the scene is one yeosang can’t quite shake off.

not because of something like petty jealously or a bad feeling in his stomach. simply because it reminds him of the first time you fell asleep with him, just a random night where you dozed off on his shoulder and he thought nothing of it.

he was listening to the sound of your breathing, the tv just white noise in the background as his own eyes threatened to close.

you’d only been dating for a few weeks, enjoying the closeness that comes with watching movies as you both stay in for the night. he wasn’t quite sure when you dozed off, he just knew when he asked if you wanted to watch the next part of twilight, you didn’t answer.

(yes, twilight was your idea and no, he doesn’t enjoy it or want to know how edward and bella’s wedding is gonna turn out).

he deices to replay the first one, just noise to have on in the background as he starts to doze off himself.

he’s stirred awake, however, when your body lurches forward, a gasp leaving your mouth as you shoot up from your sleep quickly. his eyes are wide as he looks up at you, thinking you’re on the verge of a panic attack or nightmare and fully prepared to help in any way he can.

but he sees your eyes are more so full of shock, looking at him and the surroundings of his room like you can’t believe you’re still here.

“are you okay? what happened?”

“i... did i fall asleep?

“uh... yeah?”

you look to be in such disbelief, he doesn’t know what to make of it. is it that odd that you would’ve fallen asleep? it’s late and dark and you said you hadn’t slept too great the night before.

you look to see his face pulled in confusion, looking at you with a mix of concern and bewilderment that makes you shake off the weird feeling inside of you.

“sorry, it’s just... i can usually never ever fall asleep around people,” you explain to him, a problem since childhood that rendered you unable to attend sleepovers or even share a room with cousins on family vacations.

your parents and doctors said it was probably just that you weren’t tired but it felt as if they were deep rooted trust issues of some kind. not allowing yourself to be unconscious or unaware in the presence of other people.

but you didn’t realize any of that with yeosang; you’ve never felt as comfortable with anyone as you do with him.

“ever since i was a kid, i could only fall asleep alone. it’s like i was too scared around other people or something,” you chuckle out, a small smirk crossing yeosang’s face as he pecks a kiss to your nose.

“hmm.. guess you just really like and trust me, huh?”

yeosang bites the inside of his cheek as the memory comes back to him, watching as your sleeping figure moves closer to seonghwa with a content look on your face.

he can only smirk at the way seonghwa seems conflicted, looking down at you with the softest, sappiest expression he’s ever seen his colder friend wear before they move to him.

yeosang moves his eyes away, training them back on the terrible scary movie that, for whatever reason, has mingi absolutely shitting his pants.

the black haired boy wakes you up at the end of the movie, sitting on the other side of you and mumbling that he’s gonna bring you to your room. you barely stir so he lifts you up effortlessly, a tired whine leaving you before you smell his familiar scent.

your eyes pop open to see him looking down at you, a sweet smile on his face that causes one to break out across your own face.

“hi.”

“hi, love. you fell asleep.”

you nod tiredly, face red and hair messy as he places you down on the bed gently. you curl up and under the blanket, letting out a tired whine as you hold your arms out with a pout.

he snorts as he joins you immediately, moving in next to you and sighing contently when your head rests on his chest. his hand runs through your hair. gently, slow and calming in a way he knows will quickly put you back to sleep.

but he needs to ask you one thing tonight. he needs to settle this once and for all so he can stop his brain from racing and thoughts from spiraling.

“baby?”

“hm?”

“do you like seonghwa?”

even in a tired daze, the question throws you off.

makes you snap your head up and rest your chin on his chest, eyes narrowed and eyebrows shooting up your forehead as you look at your boyfriend of almost a year.

“what?”

“do you like seonghwa?”

he repeats it like it’s a simple question, so straight forward and casual that you would think he was joking if it wasn’t for how serious his expression is.

“i... you’re my boyfriend, yeosang? why would i like seonghwa?”

he bites his lip at the confused expression on your tired face, twirling a piece of your hair at the top before letting it bounce back.

“was just a question, love.”

you look at him in complete shock and confusion, trying to decipher any anger or jealously on his face.

“is it because i fell asleep on him? i didn’t even know, yeosang, i just-”

“no, baby, no,” he’s quick to assure, his hands cupping your face gently. “it was really just a question, okay? i’m not mad or anything.”

you look at your boyfriend but see nothing but honesty in his eyes, reluctantly nodding your head before resting your head back on his chest. he hums quietly as you close your eyes, his chest feeling different than seonghwa’s but still just as comforting.

you don’t even have the time to wonder why you’re even thinking about that, comparing yeosang and seonghwa’s chests and smells, until you’re fast asleep again.

it took four days for you to finally admit it to yeosang.

and it wasn’t even that you lied at the time he asked - you just didn’t even realize.

you didn’t realize that, for longer than you can remember, you might’ve always had a bit of a crush on seonghwa. entranced by his handsome face and the way he carried himself.

how he always looked out for you and made you feel safe and cared for despite not owing you a thing.

but it wasn’t something that was overwhelmingly noticeable.

you hadn’t thought about seonghwa when you were with yeosang. you hadn’t wished he was him or that the dirty blonde was the one who let you borrow a pen the first day of college.

but you did eventually come to love seonghwa.

depend on him and look forward to seeing him and knowing that, if you didn’t have him in your life, your life would feel emptier.

but why had yeosang asked that? did he know before you did? did he see something in the way you looked or acted around his best friend? why wasn’t he mad about it?

“we can have a talk about it if you want,” yeosang said when you confessed all of this to him, sitting on your bed with a heavy pit in your stomach.

“in fact, i think we’ll definitely have to talk about somethings. but for now... i think you should tell seonghwa.”

and if this whole situation wasn’t bizarre enough, admitting to your boyfriend that you liked another man, that surely did it. your boyfriend telling you to confess your feelings to him even though he was his best friend and you two were very much together.

“what?”

“tell seonghwa that you like him, baby,” he mumbles, his hands holding your face gently. there’s so much confusion and hesitation in your eyes he almost wants to laugh but he supposes he can’t blame you.

this whole situation is weird. and he doesn’t know how he knows this is the direction your relationship should go - he’s just felt it inside of himself for the past few weeks.

“stop looking so confused and just trust me, okay? tell him you like him and see what he says.”

so that’s exactly what you do, despite all the confusion still swirling inside of you; because as confused as you are about this entire situation, it doesn’t take away from the fact that you do like seonghwa.

you love him, even. not just as a friend and someone who’s been there for you but more. the way you feel comforted by his physical touch, physical being, how sometimes you’ve felt like, if you didn’t know any better and if things were different, your lips would’ve met with no hesitation.

“i... we should get back then,” you hear yourself say. “i didn’t realize it was that late.”

"lets go, then,” he says, ignoring the slightly dejected feeling in his stomach he knows he shouldn’t have. “they might be back by now.”

you find the dirty blonde in the kitchen, hunched over a pot of boiling water as he carefully puts in a bag of ramen.

“seonghwa?” you say, creeping up on him with your hands intertwined and a blush already creeping its way on your body.

“oh, hey, y/n. you want some?”

you peek over at the chicken flavored ramen, your nose twitching when you say the bold, red, spicy printed on it; he lips quirk up into a smirk upon seeing your face.

“sorry. forgot you don’t like spicy food.”

you watch seonghwa stand over the stove for a few minutes, plopping yourself up on the counter to watch him silently. he continues what he’s doing with your silent presence there, completely going about his routine until he tells you to sit at the table with him.

there’a few more moments of silence, just him slurping and your occasional laugh until he finally realizes you came out here to say something.

“so... what’s up?”

you peek up at the boy watching you carefully, slurping a noodle into his mouth and watching some excess broth fall into the bowl.

“what do you mean?”

“don’t you wanna tell me something?” he asks, his questioning tone making your heart pound. “or ask me something? you’ve been playing with your fingers for the past fifteen minutes.”

you let out a sigh as you drop your hands to your lap, watching him with a look of mock disdain on your face; curse this boy for knowing you so well.

“it’s a little... random,” you begin, not quite sure how to approach this.

you’ve never confessed to someone before, especially not per the request of your boyfriend, but you have to imagine these are all the feelings that comes with it.

nervousness in your stomach and warmth fluttering throughout your body, hoping and praying that he like you back because if not, you’re gonna ruin this friendship and that’s not something you want at all.

“and maybe even shocking. but... i think i have to tell you and i hope you don’t think it’s weird. it’s something i just realized within these past few days and i... i don’t wanna ruin anything between us.”

his eyebrows pull together at your words, dropping his utensils on the table as he looks over your face carefully. his stomach’s quickly consumed by nervous, anxiety-ridden knots, looking over your face for any hint of emotion.

but you just seem to look as nervous as him.

“you wouldn’t, you couldn’t,” seonghwa assures gently, his voice deep and soft as he speaks to you and only you; you’re freaking him the fuck out but he’s trying to remain as calm as possible.

“what is it?”

you bite down on your lip as you look at seonghwa, his deep brown eyes staring at you so intensely it makes your stomach flutter. you don’t know how you didn’t reaize sooner that you liked him.

“i.... i like you,” you tell him, voice shaky and soft but the words already out - you’ve said them and there’s no going back. “i like you, seonghwa. a lot.”

it feels as if there’s a giant weight off your shoulders the second you say it, the butterflies in your stomach at an all time high. it feels good to finally say this, finally realize and admit it and let it out into the universe.

“i think i might even love you the way i love yeosang. i didn’t realize because of him, i guess, but now i know i love you both. i don’t know if that’s normal or possible but i really do, seonghwa. i hope that’s not weird for-”

the first thing you taste is the faint spice of chicken broth, unfamiliar but remarkable lips covering yours that you meet back instantly. seonghwa hums against your mouth as he pulls your chair closer to him, the sound of it scraping against the floor going unnoticed by both of you.

you’re only consumed by the feeling of his lips, the small noises leaving your mouth and the desperation of his kiss. how it feels like he’s been wanting to do this for so long, kiss you and touch you and show you how much he’s loved you from afar.

his hand grips your face as he pulls you closer, his deeply mumbled moan of your name against your lips causing you to whine against him. allow his tongue into your mouth and giggle when they collide into one another.

all the kissing stops though the second you hear another voice, the sound of the footsteps approaching you before a hand smacks into the concrete wall harshly.

“i told you to confess. you guys are making out?”

february - junior year

the first thing you learned about polyamorous relationships was that they’re all very different.

the way they come about, the rules in which couples establish, how and why people choose to be in them. there’s not some one size fits all for any relationship in life and that stands true for you, yeosang and seonghwa.

admittedly, things were weird in the beginning. navigating between yeosang and seonghwa comfortably and getting used to having not one but two boyfriends.

there were insecurities to quell on both sides, naturally, and you learned how do that.

assure yeosang that he was enough and that you stayed in love with him for a reason. assure seonghwa that he was enough and that you fell in love with him for a reason too.

many reasons that all became too much and morphed into one another, rendering you, both, loyal and locked down to two men who constantly tested you.

the first test being the blanket dilemma.

without fail, no matter the weather and no matter the sleeping position, you woke up without a blanket.

you were either curled into seonghwa’s warm body, your legs intertwined and his arms around you, or had your back trapped against yeosang’s chest.

his arms wound tightly around your waist, the steady rise and fall of his breath on your skin as seonghwa laid there with the queen size blanket half on him and half on the floor; that’s what this morning was like, too.

you slowly untangled yourself from yeosang, crawling over to seonghwa until you plopped yourself down on him clumsily. he stirred underneath you, attempting to move and stretch his body with the weight of you on top of him.

you bend down to peck his cheek lightly, smiling when his handsome, sleeping face barely changes.

you decide to play a little bit more, moving your body back and forth against him teasingly. the movements somehow wake the black-haired boy next to you, his eyes popping open and a smirk on his face as he watches you grind against seonghwa.

“what are you doing, baby?”

his voice causes you to jump, a quiet chuckle leaving him as you move your arms to showcase the stolen blankets.

“he can’t keep doing this!” you whisper-scream, a look of frustration on his face. “every morning it’s either you or him stealing all the blankets and leaving us freezing.”

yeosang rolls closer so he’s in your warm spot in the middle, looking up at you as his hand rests on your waist. you’re only wearing one of his white t-shirts, your nipples peeking through the material not at all helping his morning wood.

“and you think grinding over his dick is gonna help?”

your cheeks flush as you stick your tongue out at him immaturely, tuning back to run your fingers through seonghwa’s dirty blonde hair.

the slow, calmingly movements cause tired groans to leave his mouth, his eyes eventually popping open before a smirk crosses his face.

“hi, baby girl,” his deep morning voice drones, one hand slipping past your shirt to rest on your waist. “what are you doing?”

“you stole the blanket again,” you whine, the pout on your face one he just wants to kiss off with you on top of him like this.

“i didn’t mean too,” he hums, moving you along by the hips as he feels his cock grow harder. “you had yeosang to keep you warm, no?”

the two share of look, both of them more often than no waking up horny and ready to take you. it’s not something you’re ignorant of either, watching them look at you before, suddenly, you’re pushed down onto our back.

“because, you know pretty girl, we may take the blankets but you take up a whole lot of room,” seonghwa says, his hands running through your messy morning hair.

he’s never slept with someone who kicks as much as you. who, even though you’re the smallest in the bed, take up the most space by far.

“remember the night you almost kicked me off?” he hums, a smirk on his face at the memory. his hand trails down your face, thumb pressing on your lip before he moves his hand over your chin and down your neck.

yeosang smirks when he watches you swallow nervously, his hand on your hip slipping between your thighs carefully. he doesn’t make any moves to touch you, just holds your inner thigh and allows his thumb to move slowly up and down your skin.

“he’s got a point baby,” yeosang’s voice mumbles, slightly deeper than even seonghwa’s morning voice. “you do take up a lot of room for being the smallest one here.”

with their hands on you and an intense feeling building in the air, you’re quickly being humbled.

seonghwa’s hand trailing over your white t-shirt until it’s ghosting over your nipples, the palm of his hand on the sensitive bud causing your breath to quicken.

or that could be because yeosang’s hand is so close to your pussy, just a few inches away from touching your bare, growing wetness.

“i... i don’t mean too,” you say, growing more and more submissive and ready to whine as your two boyfriends start to cloud your senses; you were scolding them and now you’re the one being punished - how is that fair?

seonghwa’s hand gently guides your shirt up until your bare chest hits the cold air, a deeply mumbled “fuck,” leaving him before he dips his head down and attaches his mouth to your nipple.

you let out a surprised gasp, sensations of pleasure shooting right between your legs. yeosang is readily there with his long, skilled fingers, toying with your slit and teasingly running up and down the growing wetness.

“you might not mean to,” yeosang says, eyes peeking up to see seonghwa’s face in your chest and your mouth thrown back in pleasure. “but you still do it, don’t you?”

his finger slides into you easily, a loud moan escaping you that has seonghwa smiling against your boob. his other hands move over to tweak with your nipple, yeosang keeping up his movements as he curls his finger inside of you.

you’ve barely been up for ten minutes but you feel yourself about to come, both the boys far too skilled and ready to give you pleasure however and whenever you want it.

you cry out when yeosang slips another finger inside of you, seonghwa disconnecting his mouth from your nipple to kiss you deeply. skilled tongue slipping in your mouth as his lips part on yours and you’re kissing back just as desperately.

chasing your orgasm as your hips buck into yeosang’s hand.

“are you about to come?” seonghwa mumbles when he pulls back, his hand trailing over your neck and squeezing at the sides lightly. “has your pretty little pussy had enough? are you gonna come just from yeosang’s hand?”

“y-yes,” you moan out, hand reaching out to hold onto seonghwa’s shoulder. “and your mouth.”

“please, he didn’t do shit,” yeosang mutters, his fingers fucking into you with just the right amount of pressure and speed.

they both watch with lust in their eyes as you moan loudly, eyes rolling back as you throw your head into the pillow. yeosang removes his hand immediately, tapping at your hip gently.

“turn around.”

but seonghwa can tell immediately what yeosang wants to do, the dirty blonde slapping his hand away and instead gripping your hips tightly.

“you got to touch her,” seonghwa growls, bitter over the fact he didn’t get to make you ome first thing in the morning. “now i get to fuck her.”

“you waited too long to make your move,” the black-haired boy smirks, the double meaning in his words making him roll his eyes. “that’s why i got her first.”

“well, maybe if you didn’t-”

“stop,” you whine, the growing feeling of wet empitness making you frown at your two boyfriends. “one of you, please. the o-other can fuck my mouth. i’ll be good, i promise.”

seonghwa and yeosang share a look before the dirty blonde flips you over and pulls up your hips, rising your ass in the air as he holds himself on his knees. the bed is firm enough so that he doesn’t sink down, rubbing over your ass gently before landing a loud, resounding smack.

“you’re always good for us, baby girl,” he says, trailing his dick up and down your wet slit. “you’re always so so good.”

you whine as he teases you, knowing that, with seonghwa, it’s better if you’re polite and wait. he likes seeing you desperate and whining, always waiting until he says it’s okay to buck your hips or chase your own orgasm.

but he doesn’t give you the time today.

because one second you’re empty and wet and ready to scream and then the next, his hips are smacking into yours and he’s fucking the life out of you. snapping them just the right way and in just the right spots for you to be crying out into your hot and stuffy bedroom.

“seonghwa,” you moan, the slapping of skin and quiet grunts filling the room.

it’s all halted, however, when yeosang’s in front of you, his hard cock just inches from your face as he looks down at you. there’s a smirk on his face seeing you so fucked out and desperate because of them, guiding your mouth to him and smiling when you take his cock without a second thought.

your tongue laps at the tip, swirling around and around until you sink down on it further. you hold back a gag when he hits the back of your throat, your head getting into a groove that has yeosang cursing and groaning your name harshly.

“there you go, baby,” you hear seonghwa growl from behind you, his hand reaching around you play with your clit. “you take us both so well. filling you up and making you feel good, right baby?”

“r-right, seonghwa,” you moan, eyes rolling back when his cock starts hitting a certain spot inside you. he can feel you’re about to come by the way you tighten around him, by the way your head starts bobbing harsher and yeosang’s grunts grow louder and deeper.

“come first, baby. it’s okay,” seonghwa says, partially because they always want you to come first and partially because he knows he’s about to bust inside of you.

it takes you clenching and throwing your hips back against his for him to come, one last snap of his hips causing you both to release. you’re moaning against yeosang’s cock when he releases too, the vibrations and knowledge that you just came with his cock in your mouth far too much.

the room is a mess of bodily fluids, heavy breathing and sweat but it doesn’t matter. you collapse on top of the bed as seonghwa pulls out of you and yeosang massages the sides of your aw gently.

the black-haired boy mumbles sweet nothings to you as seonghwa gets a warm rag, cleaning between your legs before he kisses the top of your head sweetly.

“you did good, baby,” he mumbles, collapsing on the bed next to you and wrapping arm around your waist. the three of you lay in silence for a few moments, heart rates calming and senses coming back before yeosang looks at you with a soft, sweetness in his eyes.

“oh. and happy valentine’s day baby.”

you’ll never forget your first valentine’s day as a couple with yeosang and seonghwa.

it was only a few months after you confessed to seonghwa during your sophomore year, the three of you just starting out and establishing rules for your new relationship.

they had all been strangely easy to work out, the number one rule being to always communicate.

be open and honest about everything one of you may being feeling, so there’s not a spiral of miscommunication and tears the way there was that one disconnected summer.

the transition had been strangely easy for all of you too, probably because yeosang knew seonghwa liked you way before he called his friend out.

the parts of it that had been hard, however, was something you least expected - telling the rest of the boys and reserving a table for three on valentine’s day.

“wait... you’re all going to dinner?” san asked, looking at the three of you with confusion on his face. “can we come? what the hell.”

“you’re not sending us off the bar again but instead leaving us alone? why can seonghwa go but not us? we wanna spend time with, y/n, too.”

“because i’m her boyfriend, bud. who are you?”

seonghwa’s deep, sarcastic voice halted all the whines and complaints immediately, everyone’s eyes wide as they look to yeosang. the black-haired boy can only smirk as he feels eyes on him, a reassuring nod that sends the house into chaos again.

asking what kind of swinger shit is going on and how long it’d been going on under their roof without them knowing.

“it’s not swinger shit, dickhead, we’re just both dating her. like... one cohesive unit that live together and take care of her. me and seonghwa both agreed to it. in fact, i think it was more so my idea.”

“it was definitely your idea,” you tell him, seonghwa’s arm around your shoulder as he watches you talk with smile. “you’re the one who told me to tell seonghwa i liked him!”

a snort leaves yeosang and seonghwa as there’s a mix of different reviews in the crowd.

hongjoong and yunho are looking on supportively, the only two boys who had lingering suspicions about seonghwa’s feelings for you.

wooyoung, san and jongho are only slightly confused, a mix of happy and cautious like they don’t know what’s about to happen but are here for it.

and mingi is by far the most baffled, looking between you, seonghwa and yeosang before shaking his head in bewilderment.

"straight people are so weird.”

you nearly spit out your drink at dinner reliving the story with yeosang and seonghwa, the table full of meat, pasta and bread as you celebrate valentine’s day together.

going out on dates was something you also had to get used to, usually surrounded by lovey-dovey couples who only had eyes for each other; but for you guys, the dynamic was obviously different.

you’d hold seonghwa’s hand while smiling lovingly at yeosang. yeosang would have his hand on your lower back while you and seonghwa played footsie under the table.

if anyone were nosy or curious about your dynamic, they’d be able to pick up on it really quick - but you three didn’t care. it wasn’t anyone’s business but your own and as long as you guys were all happy, it didn’t matter.

“he’s such a little shit,” seonghwa mutters, a giggle leaving your mouth as yeosang raises a fork to your mouth. you open up happily, biting into a piece of chicken and chewing on the flavorful food.

you three eat until you’re ready to explode, seonghwa and yeosang splitting the check before walking out to your car.

you half expect to go back home, lay out in bed with them and spend the rest of the night watching cheesy romantic comedy, until you realize you’re in the car for a while.

your head resting on the chair as you turn to look at yeosang.

“where are we going?”

“it’s a surprise,” he mumbles, your mouth dropping open as you look at seonghwa in the back seat.

“wait.. do you know?”

he shrugs his shoulders with a smirk pulling at his lips, a whine leaving your mouth as you wack both of them in the arms.

“that’s not fair! please tell me, too!”

“we’re almost there, baby, c’mon,” seonghwa mumbles, moving closer to take your face in his hands. “come back here with me.”

“no,” yeosang says, taking one hand off the wheel to hold your arm tightly; but seonghwa’s at an advantage, picking you up over the console and dragging you up and onto his lap.

he drowns out the sounds of yeosang’s yelling, securing you onto his lap as you straddle him with a chastising look on your face.

“that was dangerous,” you mumble, a snort leaving him as he shakes his head at you.

“it’s fine,” he mumbles, your lips meeting in a kiss that you meet back immediately.

yeosang looks in the rearview mirror when he hears the sounds of lips smacking and muffled moans, throwing an empty water bottle that just misses seonghwa’s head.

“i’m not your fucking uber driver,” yeosang snaps, “don’t make out when i can’t join.”

“hear that, baby? he wants to kiss me, too.”

you muffle your giggles into his chest, seonghwa and yeosang bantering back and forth as you rest your head on seonghwa’s chest. he’s warm and toned underneath you, the gentle lull of the car causing your eyes to close.

you’re not sure if you fall asleep, you think you’re in that weird space of consciousness and slumber, when you hear yeosang mumbling your name. his lips are by your ear and you look up at him sleepily, a smile on his face when he tells you to wake up.

you look around to see you’re still in the car, the black leather interior one you’re very used to by now. but what you’re not used to seeing is the ocean outside the windows, a gasp leaving your mouth that quickly wakes you up.

you run out and onto the beach, yeosang trailing behind as he shouts your name with a smile.

seonghwa and him had already set up the blankets on the sand, a cooler full of drinks and snacks off the side.

“yeosang told me this was your first date,” seonghwa mumbles, his arms wrapping around your waist. “gotta admit, pretty smooth even for him.”

a smile brightens your face as you peck his lips, intertwining your hands before reaching out to grab yeosang’s.

you drag the two boys out to the freezing ocean, both of their desperate pleas to not freeze their balls off going unheard by you. you just giggle and pull them out further, squealing when the freezing water hits you feet and you jump up.

they both move to catch you, yeosang catching one leg and seonghwa catching the other as you hold yourself above them.

“baby, this was your fucking idea,” yeosang complans, the smile on his face proving he’s not bad in the slightest.

you frolic around with the two boys until your feet are numb. giggling and squealing when seonghwa catches you around the waist and pecking yeosang’s lips when you fall back and collapses on top of you.

“i love you,” he mumbles against your mouth, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as you smile against him.

you spend the rest of the night cuddled between them, your head on seonghwa’s stomach as yeosang sits next to you, playing with your fingers and blowing hot air on your cold hands.

it’s calm and peaceful and everything you’ve ever wanted.

there’s a different type of feeling in the air compared to the first time you were here with just yeosang, something that feels right and sweet and like without, both, yeosang and seonghwa here, it just wouldn’t be the same.

“i love you,” seonghwa mumbles when you look up at him, his hands twirling through your hair as he bends down to peck your lips.

all your cheeks are red from the wind and the tips of your fingers are freezing but you don’t wanna leave just yet. you just wanna stay here together, enjoy the silence and the crash of the waves and the occasional squawk of a brave seagull.

maybe even wait until the sun comes up to watch the sunrise, if you guys don’t completely freeze to death together.

january - senior year

your trip to the mountains doubled as a two year anniversary/graduation celebration.

the three of you were still as strong as ever, dealing with bumps in the road that all couples went through: fits of miscommunication, times of insecurity, even acknowledging that, sometimes, you need seonghwa and yeosang for different things.

seonghwa’s the boyfriend who understands you.

is similiar to you and knows the way your introverted mind works. you go to him when you feel most uncomfortable in a crowd, like at frat parties or in bars where you know yeosang just thrives.

but yeosang’s the one who pushes you to do extraordinary things - maybe not even extraordinary, just things you normally wouldn’t do; he’s the one who pushed you to do you research with your professor that ended up allowing you to graduate one semester early with them.

so in order to celebrate, you three rented a house in the mountains with one bedroom, a giant movie room and a hot tub on the balcony.

spent a week in the snowy, picturesque country where you lounged around in bed, soaked in the hot tub and became even more sure that this is what you wanted for the rest of your life.

to wake up next to seonghwa and yeosang, even if it meant having the blankets ripped off of you in the night.

to live with them and build a life together with them, deal with the bickering that comes with dating best friends who have known each other for their entire lives.

to act surprised when, in a few years when you’re settled with jobs and a house, they buy you matching wedding bands to show off the fact that you’re theirs.

#very mixed feelings about this #u can absolutely tell when i was losing steam jfdkkdf #but whatever #happy vday get urselfs not one but two bfs #seonghwa #yeosang #seonghwa fluff #yeosang fluff #yeosang angst #seonghwa angst #seonghwa smut #yeosang smut #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #seonghwa imagines #yeosang imagines #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez smut

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milkybonya · 3 years

Text

In THE DaRk

order 004 for anon: large coconut milk tea (In THE DaRk by BOBBy) with regular tapioca pearls and fresh taro

Warnings: food mentions

Pairing: idol!Hui x delivery worker!reader

Summary: you deliver food to cube ent. and end up becoming friends with Hui, an idol who's at the peak of his career... but he finds himself falling for you even as his songs rise on the charts :")

Word count: like maybe 3k?

[a/n]: i love this request because i love this song and writing it while listening to the song on loop in the dark of my room just made me so happy? also i put wayyyy more effort into this than necessary and it turned out super long >.< i'm so sorry anonnie i hope you like itttt ahhh

Shine, you shine on my existence

Sure, Hui was an idol with a life of his own - especially now, during Shine promotions, that his group, PENTAGON, was blowing up. Yet he never failed to make time for you, because you were the light of his life.

As a hardworking idol who was always cooped up in his studio and skipping meals, his members encouraged him to at least order food. He was reluctant but eventually agreed, not wanting to make them worry.

That's where you came in: a delivery worker at a local restaurant not too far from Cube entertainment, Hui's company. A lot of people ordered from your restaurant to Cube, so you weren't surprised when a new order flashed on the iPad screen at your workplace.

"We've got another delivery, [y/n]," the worker at the front told you with a smile, walking to the back to tell the cooks what to prepare.

You tapped your feet against the ground, awaiting the order. Once it was prepared, you carefully placed it in your delivery bag, fastened it to your bike and off you went, wearing a helmet of course.

The gentle breeze was enough to cheer you up and give you energy, despite the scene around you being full of traffic and slightly bleak.

Once you arrived, the guards let you in without even checking your workplace ID this time, recognizing you as a trusted delivery person.

You made your way up to the floor listed on the order, roaming through countless hallways until you finally found the right room. Judging by the area and the doors, it seemed to be full of studios.

The person who ordered this must be working hard, you thought to yourself.

Suddenly, you got an urge to leave a note, wishing the person well. You took out a scrap piece of paper and a pen that you always had handy, your heart racing and your hands shaking at the thought of doing this. You were excited at the idea of the person being happy to see such a cheerful note...

I hope you enjoy this meal and that it gives you enough energy to keep working hard :) Go for it!

After neatly placing the food and note at the door, you knocked and walked away, not wanting to bother the person. Even though you didn't turn your back, you heard the door open a few seconds later.

"Thank you!" a voice echoed through the hall.

You turned quickly to say ‘you’re welcome’ in response and caught a glimpse of what seemed to be a young idol hard at work. His hair was messy and he had dark circles under his eyes, but his mismatches clothes and bright smile were quite cute.

You thought that would be the last you’d see of him, but from that day onwards, he always ordered food from your restaurant at the same time: 2:09pm. Why so specific? You weren’t sure, but that’s how it was, and you being the only delivery worker at your restaurant meant that it would always be you taking the food to him.

The second time you went, you were surprised to see a note waiting on the door for you.

Thank you for your cheerful message... I’ll do my best to work harder!

It made you smile and you decided to leave another note with his order, this time just asking him what his favourite side dishes were so you could tell the cooks to put more of those in next time. Instead of him leaving a note for you with the response, though, Hui decided to text you this time so he wouldn't have to wait for you to make another delivery before you could see his response.

Unknown: This is Hui! Ah, I ordered food from you at 2:09pm? I'm not really picky on side dishes, but one of my members likes kimchi, so could you make sure to leave more of that for me?

You: sure, of course! but how did you get my number?

Hardworking Hui: Ah, sorry! It was on the app since you're the delivery worker... for me to contact you in case you get lost? I'm sorry!

You: No, that's okay! i just wanted to be sure ^^

So after that day, you made sure Hui always got extra kimchi with his order. He would always greet you at the door of his studio, quickly asking about your day and how you were doing. Truthfully, he actually wanted to ask you to come inside so he could talk with you some more, because the two of you would always get an interesting conversation going before you declared you had to leave.

Since he was too shy to ask you in person, he texted you, instead.

Hardworking Hui: could you get the rest of the day off after delivering my order today?

You: why?

Hardworking Hui: so you can eat with me? if that's okay? or just take an hour off!

You: ...

You: Only if you pay for my food :P

Hardworking Hui: deal

So that day, you asked your manager for the hour off from 2:30pm to 3:30pm. She agreed, knowing that you always work hard and deserve a break.

Showing up to Hui's studio with his usual order and some food for yourself in your hands, you knocked a little nervously this time, knowing that this wouldn't just be a delivery, but a whole... hang out? Type of thing?

Hui had made sure to clean his studio to the best of his ability, making sure that there was another comfy chair for you to sit on and that the room didn't smell bad or anything. He lit a couple of candles and vacuumed the place so there would be no dust. When you knocked on the door, he jumped out of his seat with excitement, immediately opening it.

"Hi! Come in," he said, holding the door open so you could step inside. Seeing the cosy, dimly lit space left you in awe.

"It's so cool to see where you've been working away for all this time," you said, sitting down on a chair and putting the food down.

"Yeah... sometimes I get tired of it, but it's home," Hui said, sitting on his studio chair and opening up the food.

"Ah... where's the kimchi?" Hui asked, pointing at all the dishes.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I told the cook to include my favourite side dish too, but he must have just replaced the kimchi with this instead, I'm so sorry!"

Hui laughed, shaking his head.

"It's completely fine!" he said, handing you your favourite side dish.

As the two of you began eating, you were able to get to know each other more as you spoke and asked each other questions. Even though it was a little silly asking for each other's favourite colours and seasons, it was a lot of fun, and the two of you turned out to have a lot in common.

Tears are erased by my emotions / Add, add colour to the world

After that day, you weren't just a delivery worker for Hui, and he wasn't just a customer to you. The two of you became close friends, attending the concerts of your favourite artists together. Hui would joke and say that he was attending for work reasons, trying to gain musical inspiration, while you had no real reason to be there. You'd slap his shoulder lightly, telling him to watch his words while he'd laugh at your reaction.

Even though his work was stressful at times, it was days like those that seemed to make him cry in reverse, if that was even possible? You showed up and turned his world around, adding colour onto his black and white canvas.

His members even told him that he seemed more cheerful and energetic despite still working hard in the studio, and Hui even told you that his songwriting process seemed to be running more smoothly.

"I'm so glad we became friends," he told you, leaning his head on your shoulder one day as the two of you sat on a park bench. You smiled, strongly agreeing with him in your own heart.

But do you remember when I mentioned Shine promotions at the beginning of this? Well, let's skip forward to that point.

By then, you had seen Hui and his group perform quite a few times, whether it was at concerts, music shows or even on the TV at your home. You were incredibly proud of him and wanted nothing but for him to succeed.

Every time Hui found you in the crowd at any of his live performances, he'd feel some kind of crazy adrenaline rush as all of his tiredness just seemed to magically disappear. He'd perform as if rent was due just because you gave him the energy to do so.

"Was [y/n] watching us again?" Hyunggu asked backstage after another performance for Shine ended safely.

"Yeah, I saw them there!" Hongseok confirmed.

"Plus, you can tell by the way Hui is acting," Yuto laughed, nodding towards Hui who was frantically texting you asking you if you'd left completely.

You told him you were still at the venue, and he begged you to come backstage. When you arrived, you greeted all of the Pentaboys, who adored you almost as much as Hui did, before joining Hui at his makeup table. You greeted the makeup artist too, out of respect, before asking Hui why he needed to see you so urgently.

"We might win today... I just wanted you to be by my side as good luck," he explained, a clearly worried expression on his face.

It was a shock to you that despite Shine doing so well on the charts, Pentagon still had not gotten their first win, but you knew they were an amazing group, regardless.

What you doing now? What's your plan now?

You placed your hand on top of Hui's, which rested on his own thigh.

"Hui, I know you haven't been getting all the wins you've been expecting, but we can't deny that this song is absolutely a bop and you have all been killing it!" you told him with a smile.

You couldn't tell whether or not your words had any sort of effect on him because he was looking down, but you hoped they at least didn't make him feel worse.

The rest of the Pentaboys cheered hearing your words though, feeling energized at your honest observation.

Hui was looking down because his stomach was tied in knots at the feeling of your hand on his. It was something he'd never felt before... butterflies? He tried to shrug it off but he couldn't stop wondering about your intentions... did you place your hand over his for a reason? What were you trying to tell him? What were you planning?

Inside my brain, after making a place for you / You make it impossible for me to sleep

That night, Hui still couldn't stop thinking about your simple gesture. You didn't mean anything by it, right? It was just a friend comforting a friend... the two of you had been friends for a while now, so why was he thinking into this so much?

As feelings of sleepiness took over, he drowsily wondered what it would be like to hold your hand rather than to just have his hand underneath yours. What would it be like to be held by you?

The next day, with more promotions ahead, you made sure to send Hui a text of good luck. You wouldn't be able to watch from the live audience that day, since you had work and deliveries to carry out, but you still wanted him to know that you were thinking of him.

Hui couldn't stop staring at your message of good luck for the whole day, pressing his finger on the heart emoji that you added at the end of your message.

"Hui hyung, are you reading something?" Wooseok asked the leader, sitting beside him on the sofa in the waiting room.

"Huh? N-no," Hui quickly said with a laugh, tucking his phone away.

"You've been staring at your phone all day... what is it, is it a fun webtoon?"

"No, no! Don't worry about it," Hui laughed, ruffling the tall boy's hair.

Wooseok whined, yelling about how the stylist just did his hair. Meanwhile, Hui's heart was racing. Why had he been staring at your text message all day?

You: I'm thinking of you today, Hui! Go get em, good luck <3

Are you thinking of me in this dawn? / I wish there was a continuous portal from my room to yours

Again, that night, Hui couldn't stop thinking about you. This time, it was about the message you'd sent him. He still had it open and was staring at it. He wondered if, when you said you were thinking of him, did that mean you were thinking of him right then and there too? At the same time when he was thinking about you?

Were your sleepless thoughts filled with him, just like his were filled with you-?

Ring ring. Ring ring.

Shit.

He'd been staring at your text and holding his phone so tightly that he accidentally pressed the call icon next to your name.

"Hello?" you answered sleepily. It was 3am and you had been asleep.

"H-hello? [y/n]?"

"Yes, Hui, what is it?"

"I uh..."

He desperately tried to think of an excuse for calling you, any reason-

"I wish there was a portal that went directly from my room to yours."

Really, Hui? Was that the best thing you could think of?

His heart raced and he smiled as he heard your laugh on the other end. He didn't realize he'd balled his other hand into a fist until your laughter made him calm down.

"What are you saying, Hui?"

"I miss you..." he mumbled.

Despite being sleepy, his words still made you nervous. Your heart raced and you wondered what he was trying to tell you.

"I m-miss you too," you croaked out.

"Really?" Hui asked you, sitting up in bed.

"Yeah, really," you said, laughing. It wasn't a lie, either. You'd been watching all of his performances on your phone that day while working, almost falling off your bike because you were that invested. In him.

"Do you wanna meet up now?"

"Now?" you spluttered.

"Yeah... by the Han River?"

You paused for a while before answering.

"Let's do it."

Even if I breathe in the cold air / It feels sweet, so sweet

"AHHH IT'S SO COOOOLD!" Hui yelled into the night air, rubbing his arms and running around in circles beside you.

"Here, take my coat," you said, but instead just wrapping your arms around him.

Hui tensed up, wondering if your arm that was wrapped around his chest could feel his heartbeat.

"W-what are you doing?" he asked.

"Providing you with warmth," you said.

You also felt butterflies stirring within you, realizing that maybe you saw Hui as more than just a friend. Yet you shrugged it off, telling yourself that Hui was an idol and you were just a delivery worker.

You can't know my pathetic feelings / Even if I've confessed a hundred times inside my brain / I'm invisible to you

Hui stayed quiet, closing his eyes tightly and enjoying the feeling of being in your arms on this cold night. He knew this embrace wouldn't last and that maybe it wouldn't happen again, because in his mind, he was invisible to you. Just a friend who you goofed around with, but all of your jokes made his heart rush.

The two of you ran around the grassy banks of Han River together, laughing into the night and chasing each other like kids. Each time Hui caught up to you, he'd wrap his small frame around you so tightly that it made you lose your breath. You told yourself it was just because you were running so hard, but it was definitely something else.

As the sun was beginning to rise and the two of you were finally in your homes, trying to get some sleep, Hui imagined what it would be like to confess to you. What if he confessed right there and then when you hugged him by the Han River? What if he told you how much he likes you and... what if you felt the same? What if you cupped his cheeks in your hands and kissed him right there as the river reflected the starlight from the sky...? What if Hui would drop his phone in shock but would kiss you back more passionately?

No, Hui. No.

If I ever want you to feel the same / That must be greedy, that'd probably be a chance to peek into heaven / 'Cause you are angel

There was no way any of that would ever happen. There was no way you would ever like him back, at least for Hui. You were way too good for him, an angel on this planet full of demons and sinners.

Little did he know that you were also squinting at the sun, struggling to get some sleep as you thought of the way Hui would press his face into your chest every time he caught up to you at the Han River as you chased each other for fun. His bright smile and gentle laughter made your heart feel like the Han River itself, gently flowing along but filled with such a refreshing feeling.

After another week of intense Shine promotions, Hui feeling all sorts of emotions as Shine continued to soar while his feelings for you also grew, it became unbearable. The two of you would talk late into the night, whether it was sending texts because Hui was busy working or whether it was phone calls. Hui thought about you every second of every day and always missed you a ton.

Please know that I like you / I just want to be there for the rest of your life

Hui asked you to meet him in his studio one evening, as he knew your work schedule and knew that you were free. You agreed, slightly confused as to how he was making time to meet with you despite being so busy.

"Hui, I'm here!" you sang, opening the door to his studio and finding him sitting there in his chair, looking especially cute as his hair was slightly ruffled and he wore a big, comfy hoodie.

"[y/n], I have to tell you something," he said, with a slightly sad smile.

"Yeah, what is it?"

You grew worried, but decided not to make a fuss over anything just yet.

"So, for some time now.... well, of course we've been good friends, and I don't want this to ruin that if you don't feel the same..."

He sighed mid-sentence.

"Gosh, I don't know why I'm rambling," he said with a laugh.

You instinctively laughed along.

"Well, [y/n]. I like you... a lot. I know it's pathetic for me to feel this way when I don't even deserve you, but-"

"You like me?" you cut him off.

Hui nodded in response, looking slightly red now.

Nervous and absolutely bewildered, you starting laughing to yourself, making Hui worry if he'd said something wrong.

"Hui, I... I like you too, what the hell?! And here I was thinking I was pathetic!"

"You're not pathetic at all!" Hui said, grinning widely and bright red in the face upon hearing your answer to his confession.

Both of you nervously smiled at each other for some time before Hui broke the silence.

"I know... it may be hard to date me... well no, it will be hard to date me since I'm an idol, but I promise I'll give this my everything. It's a given, because of how much I like you and how lucky I am for you to even date me-"

"I never said I was dating you," you joked.

"What?" Hui asked in shock.

"I'm joking! Hui, it's okay. We'll get through these difficulties together, whatever they may be," you said, holding half of his face in your right hand, stroking his cheek with your thumb.

Hui leaned into your touch, closing his eyes.

"You're right," he said, before turning his face and pressing his lips to your hand.

54 notes · View notes

momoshin · 3 years

Note

Ryujin fluffy alphebet a-z 🥺🥺

A = Activities (What do they like to do with you? How do you spend your free time together?)

PICNICS! making your own food (or buying it sometimes) and setting a blanket in the middle of a nice park where kids and dogs could be easily spotted. she’ll ask you to read poetry to her, play her guitar for you, you’ll sing together, just two fools in love. also, scrapbooking! it’s something you both discovered you liked doing together very early on in your relationship.

B = Beauty (What do they admire about you? What do they think is your most beautiful feature?)

loves your lips, eyes and waist. she loves kissing you, but just looking at your lips makes her heart race, same with your eyes, she could keep eye contact with you forever, she just loves everything about them. and your waist is her hand’s favorite place, whether you’re sitting or standing, one if not both of her hands will always be on your waist.

C = Comfort (How would they help you when you feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

ryujin won’t bother to pull you aside, she doesn’t care if there’s anyone around, she will stop what she’s doing once she sees any signs of you struggling and asks if you need a breather or if she can help in any way, if you say no, she will stay by your side and let her hands run up and down your back to help you calm down, will hug you if you let her and tuck her chin on top of your head while humming melodies to you.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

she’s so selfless, even with dates she’s always making sure you’re comfortable with wherever and whatever you’re doing, hands always entangled and she’s always willing to pay for whatever you want

E = Equal (Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?)

dominant for sure, whether it’d be in bed or not

F = Fights (Would they forgive you easily? What are they like while fighting with you?)

she would hate fighting, the possibility of upsetting you to the point where you’d rather sleep on the couch than with her terrifies her, and as soon as you grab your pillow and a blanket, she grabs your wrist and tries to convince you to stay with her, puppy eyes full of apologies that her words couldnt quite express

G = Gratitude (How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what you are doing for them?)

SO grateful, ryujin is generally grateful for her life, where she is and such, but she always thanks you for doing small things for her, making her breakfast, anything really.

H = Hugs (What is their favorite way to hug and cuddle you?)

she personally loves when you casually come up to her and without interrupting her conversation, press up against her and wrap her arms around your shoulders yourself.

I = Inspiration (Did you change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

ryujin definitely holds less grudges ever since she met you, she doesn’t feel the need to see the people who have made her suffer, suffer, she doesn’t feel the need to prove herself to anyone, doesn’t listen to mean comments or people who just want to bring her down.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

mm depends ? she trusts you more than anyone, and she trusts both your friends, so when she gets jealous its more of a “why the fuck is that guy looking at my girlfriend like he wants to eat her” kind of thing, it usually involves someone she’s never seen before, and it leads to her walking over to the two of you and not so subtly placing a hand on your waist, calling you all sorts of nicknames while glaring at them

K = Kisses (Who initiated the first kiss? What kind of kisser are they? Shy? Passionate?)

she initiated the first kiss! she’ll peck your lips so many times in the day but as soon as she has the chance she will pull you to the side and get her well earned dose of kisses. her kisses usually range from short, repeated pecks, they are goofy at times, sensual even, and she finds herself biting your lip gently every once in a while

L = Love Confession (How would they confess to you?)

in bed, the two of you looking at each other silently and then she just says all these things that sounds like she’s proposing because it’s so detailed and you can tell she loves you so much it’s quite inevitable for you to cry or get teary eyed as she talks about everything she loves about how and how good you make her feel

M = Marriage (Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would your marriage be like?)

Yes but not yet, she would probably propose at a meaningful place for your relationship, and i have this vivid image of her wearing a bodysuit like the one for the gda’s last year for her wedding, she’d let you make the important decisions but would be completely involved whenever you asked for her opinion and would try to help as much as she could so it didn’t all pile up for you.

as for marriage, i think the dynamic would fit you both perfectly, the shiny bands on your hands, loves the way ‘my wife’ slips off her tongue as she introduces you to someone, or whenever someone asks you about each other and uses the ‘your wife’ it just gives you both butterflies all over again.

N = Nicknames (What do they call you?)

baby, angel, my love, short versions of your name sometimes!

O = On Cloud Nine (What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

everyone can notice, it’s like an aura she carries around and she’s instantly bubblier, in situations that maybe would’ve gotten a rise out of her she’s more patient, she’ll be nicer to her members and such,, she makes sure to text you good morning and good night, throughout the day, that she misses you, that she loves you, sends you small details when she can’t make it to deliver them personally, just always reminding you of her appreciation, besides, she never shuts up about you, her members claim are sick and tired of hearing ‘y/n this, y/n that’ but in reality, they love seeing ryujin so happy and loved.

P = Parent (What kind of parent would they be?)

idk if i can see ryujin with kids, but in the chance you do have any, she would be such a cool mom, taking them to her studio just so they could hop around to music while she choreographed something, maybe she has a room for them to play and nap if necessary too, and if you have a boy, she would be his hero literally, he’ll always want to be like her and copy her every move.

Q = Quirk (Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship or a cute quirk they have that many don’t know about)

she’s such a good cuddler/can make people fall asleep so easily, the way she expertly runs her hands through your hair or back lulls you into a deep slumber almost instantly, the kisses she presses on your nose and forehead only helping the matter

R = Romantic (How romantic are they? What would they do to make you happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

ryujin is so romantic in general, she just loves to express how much she loves you and cares for you in more ways than just saying it. and the long-lasting smile on your lips when she susprises you is so worth it too, it can range from bringing home a dish of chocolate covered strawberries to setting up a bath with rose petals and candles, to just taking a drive around the city to a pretty place she heard about, talking softly about everything and nothing

S = Secrets (Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

you pretty much share anything, honesty is very important for her and your relationship. plus she enjoys telling you even about the smallest details of her day

T = Thrill (Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?)

she doesn’t need to, ryujin is perfectly happy with your dynamic and so are you, but whenever the topic comes up she’s not opposed!

U = Unbearable (What habit do they have that’s unbearable? What habit do you have that they find unbearable)

EATING IN BED. i know y’all have seen that livestream of her eating tangerines in bed, sticky, juicy tangerines. so whenever she brings a snack or anything to eat to bed she’s expecting your side eye to what she responds promising to not make a mess and to clean it if she does.

and her, she hates your incredibly weird eating combinations, the fact that you will offer some to her to try too, she finds herself gagging just at the sight or smell and threatening to break up with you for laughing.

V = Videos (Do they take lots of videos or photos during your relationship?)

of course she does, like i said, the two of you enjoy scrapbooking, that means making your own scrapbook with your own photos taken by each other or strangers you asked on the street, writing down funny highlights of your dates to remember whenever you go through it. also, she has you as her background, it’s a funny yet endearing sight to see her flaunting the front of her phone to everyone so they would catch a glimpse of you as her wallpaper.

W = Wedding (What is your wedding like?)

so much fun, lots of dancing, kissing, and teasing, specially when it’s time to take your garter off ;)). but the most endearing moment is cutting the cake, it’s funny, nerve-wracking because everyone is looking at you, yet a beautiful memory you’ll hold on to forever as long as the photos capturing the moment.

X = eXtra (What is an interesting fact about them that they’ve only told you?)

maybe that she wants to have a farm at some point in her life

Y = Yearning (How do they cope when they’re missing you?)

she’ll call you, of course, talk to you, but ever since you made her a playlist, songs that reminded you of her, of the two of you, whenever she’s missing you she will listen to it, even if she knows the song letter by letter she will listen to all of them until the pain in her chest dissolves into something lighter. even when she’s sad and with you, she’ll play the songs and lay in your arms, sometimes crying with the soft murmur of your singing in her ear.

Z = ZZZ (What is it like sleeping with them? Do they like to cuddle or do they need space?)

i don’t think she moves at all lmao, like you will find every hair and muscle just the way you last saw it before closing your eyes, most of the time she likes cuddling, i feel like she is a bigger spoon type of person, but she will hide her face in your chest every once in a while to be able to go to sleep.

#ryujin blurb #ryujin headcanon #ryujin !#ryujin x reader #ryujin fluff #ryujin imagine #itzy imagine #itzy imagines #itzy fluff #alphabet #my stuff

122 notes · View notes

sugurus-slxt · 3 years

Note

hello friend 😌

i would like a ruby from the beloved vault pls for jujustu kaisen there’s not really anyone i would hate to get

my personality type is entp and i’m a sagittarius (but i’m really not a horoscope person so i have no clue what that means) i’m a cis straight female (ik boring 🥱) so my pronouns are she/her

uhhh what else

i love dogs i’m totally a dog person no question abt it

hate

bugs

i have the worst entomophobia and arachnophobia i’ve ever seen in a person (literally break out on psychosomatic hives when i see a bug)

my main hobbies are dance, singing, acting, lifting, and fighting??? like training

i am both a meathead and a theatre nerd 😌

it’s really hard to pick a specific music genre i like but i think one that i like pretty consistently is like classic and alt rock

red is my absolute favorite color im almost always wearing it or i have something that’s colored red

ik its weird but the idea of bugging my partner all the time and them like clapping back at me is so fun someone who is on the quieter side (not shy just relaxed cause i never stfu) but has a great sense of humor is just *chefs kiss*

Q U A L I T Y T I M E

my love language is without a doubt quality time

my family is always either telling me that i talk too much or straight up ignoring me when i try to hold convos with them

so someone who WANTS to listen to me ramble just warms my heart

i am so stubborn

if u suggest something to me and u think i can’t do it i will kill myself trying to prove u wrong

that might be from the competitiveness of growing up with brothers but i think it’s cute ☺️

i think that’s really it i hope i didn’t forget anything and i can’t wait to see who u choose for me

kithes 🥰

Personality Matchup

One 𝑅𝓊𝒷𝓎 coming right up for @lmaosupertuff

A/Note: Hey! Hey! Hey! Thank you so much and of course, you can. You’re not boring for being straight and a cis female hun, it’s just who you are and there’s absolutely nothing boring about that. I hope you like the match up :) Love <3 ~ Sar-chan

THE VAULT HERE

I match you with...

Runner Up: Itadori Yūji

Did I base a lot of that off the dogs and the quiet person part, maybe …? But it helped me decide between Itadori and Megumi because originally my first thought was Itadori but reading a little more I opted for the latter.

Here are some HCs:

Megumi originally makes a fuss about summoning his shikigami just for you to pet, it takes a bit of grumbling from him but he does it.

When he sees the way your eyes light up, and how happy the divine dog is around you he’ll summon them more often, but with an exude. He’ll say something like, “I’m training my cursed energy and plus they need to stretch.”

The truth is he likes seeing you happy but he isn’t going to admit that, he has an extremely soft spot for you and sees you as a bright spec of goodness, in all the evil the world contains.

I think Megumi often comes off tense but he doesn’t like showing weakness in front of you, that’s why he fears showing his softer side.

Maybe the first time he sees your reaction to buys he’s confused until he actually sees why, from then on he kills and keeps you away from any bug he sees, if he leaves you with Yuji, he makes sure to advise him of it. But on any occasion he will leave his Divine Dig with you, just to be careful.

Maybe when you’re training or working, more than often I think Yuji comes along, or sometimes Maki will take you up for a challenge just to test her and your strengths.

I think Maki will complement your capability in a sort of nonchalant way and if Megumi is there he’ll say, “I know.” This is because I think when he gets to know someone; he knows knows them and has a rather good read on people.

He’s confident in your ability and seeing them spend time with you training he’ll not visibly get jealous but want to train with you more, and try to spend more time with you. I think he’ll be possessive of you but you’d never notice it, it’s not in a toxic way. Sometimes it ends with you being pinned to the training mat and it's one of the few times you’d get to see him smirk.

Nobara will definitely comment on it, causing him to flush red and quickly help you up.

I don’t think Megumi is into theatre that much but he will always watch you, if he’s busy he’ll try to make time for you and will manage to make him laugh if you pull out a line from a script randomly.

Megumi is the type to secretly listen to you while you sing, like by the doorway or behind you, your voice will become his favourite thing. One time he will work up the courage to ask you to sing him a lullaby because he’s having a hard time sleeping.

If you want to dance with him he’ll refuse but if he sees anyone else dance with you he’ll give and find himself enjoying it much more than he thought. He asks you to dance with him more often.

Megumi can get annoyed and will snap at you but he will apologise after a while.

He loves silent quality time with you; maybe he’ll lay his head on your lap as both of you read a book or naps together.

He’s more of a listener and will not really give his input unless you want it, he admires the way you are passionate about something and wishes to be that way with himself.

EXTRA:

I hope you like your 𝑅𝓊𝒷𝓎 dear :) *kithe kithe*

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violetnotez · 4 years

Text

HC: S/o With a Good Luck, Bad Luck Quirk

@mrsadfacestudio: SO how about Bakugou, Midoriya, Todoroki, Tamaki and Mirio react on their crush having a good luck/bad luck quirk? Like Y/N says "I feel like today will be great day!" They live close by to Y/N so as they were about to ask to walk with them. As she walk on the side walk, shit goes down. Y/N is passing a building that exploded behind her. She walk far enough so when the building fell, it didn't land on her

Alrightie I hope I did this to the best of my abilities, so I’m sorry if the quirk description isn’t accurate to your ask! Excited to write for Tamaki though since this is my first time, so forgive me if Tamaki’s isn’t the best! ✨🌸

AU: Reader has agood/bad luck quirk, where they can manipulate the luck of themselves or others around them(sometimes without realizing it)

Pairings: Midoriya x reader, Shoto x reader, Tamaki x reader, Mirio x reader

RULES | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS CLOSED

Izuku

◦oh he is just be so amazed by your quirk-it’s so different from any one he has ever seen or heard of!

◦ he is going to have a full journal dedicated to you and is always lending a hand to help you with training if you ever need it!

◦ he knows you can hold your own, but this boy is going to constantly work himself into a frenzy over worrying about you

◦he’s just so overprotective he really can’t help it!

◦ one day as he was walking to the grocery store to grab some produce for his mother, he heard a large explosion

◦ Izuku turned around, seeing a dark plumage of smoke rising, his heart dropping-you had told him last night you were deciding to take a run in the morning

◦And of course you said you were taking a run right in that area

◦He instantly dropped the groceries, taking off at an intense speed, his hands fumbling with his phone as he desperately tried to call you

◦you weren’t calling him back, making his anxiety 10x worse

◦when he got to the wreckage site, he realized it was a poorly attempted bank robbery, heroes as well as police officers investigating the scene and taking in the suspected “villians” for questioning

◦ he started looking around, trying to see if anybody resembled you, but he didn’t see you, and oh no what if you got caught in some rubble, or maybe somehow you were badly hurt, that’s why you weren’t answering his calls-

◦ “Hey ‘Zuku, I didn’t expect you to be here! I hope no ones hurt!” You greeted from behind, scaring him shitless but also making so relieved

◦his face light up like a Christmas tree- “y/n! Oh, I’m so glad your okay! Are you hurt, do you feel alright-“

◦”I’m fine Izuku, I promise!” You laugh, taking his shaking hands into your own. “My quirk somehow gave me a heads up about what was going to happen, so I decided to get some boba instead!”

◦you smiled brightly, taking a sip from the thick straw- “it also gave me an idea that you’d stop by too,” you held out another drink, his favorite flavor-green tea

◦he thanked you gratefully, taking a sip as he held onto your hand tightly

◦After that scare, there is no way he is letting you out of his sight

Shoto

◦ Like Izuku, he is going to find your quirk intriguing and definitely interesting

◦It’s not flashy, but it certainly is very powerful in its own way (not that Shoto would care if it’s flashy or not-he loves you for you, not your quirk)

◦*cough cough unlike his father *cough cough

◦ He really can’t understand it that well, because sometimes it gives you a dose of “bad” luck before it rewards you with some prosperity in your life

◦When you and Shoto were still hopelessly pinning for each other, for example, your quirk had decided to give you a slight nudge to get closer to the reserved boy

◦ As you were rushing to the cafeteria during lunch break one day, you had spotted Shoto walking from afar

◦He was close enough to be able to see his features, but far away that you could appreciate his handsome features without looking too creepy

◦You couldnt help but sneak a blissful glance at his face-he was honestly so handsome with his bi colored eyes, pale skin, chiseled jawline-

◦And that’s when your foot slipped on a stray piece of paper and your body landed on the hard linoleum floor with a gut wrenching smack

◦Shoto has obviously heard (it was hecka loud), and being the only other person in the hallway besides you, it was hard to ignore that

◦he instantly rushed over to you, concerned for your wellbeing

◦”Y/n, are you alright?” He asked, crouching down next to you

“I-uh-yeah I’m fine!” Your cheeks were on fire, and you were cursing your quirk inside your head for not helping you avoid your fall-

◦Until Shoto has held out one of his hands, offering it to you

◦”May I?” Shoto’s exterior looked extremely composed, but on the inside he was freaking out-he was just being nice, right? This wasn’t because he had a crush on you or anything-he wasn’t loving the fact that he was the one to help you up, or was trying to memorize how your rosy cheecks looked so pretty on your skin-

◦you placed your smaller hand in his, his fingers gently squeezing yours as he pulled you up

◦your legs were still wobbly, as your knees were the first ones to hit the floor-so you body kinda toppled onto his

◦He was strong and he anticipated you to lean into him, so he easily took the extra weight with ease

◦what wasn’t so easy was keeping his composure-your hands were resting on his chest, those pretty eyes of yours boaring into his, your cheeks ten times redder

◦ He couldnt help but tense up-he wasn’t used to being so close to you, or any girl for that matter, but he was growing quite fond to how wonderful your body felt pressed against his own

◦”I-I I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ you began to stutter against his chest

◦Shoto gave a tiny smile, finding it cute that you were just as much of a nervous wreck as he felt- “It’s quite alright… do you think your badly injured? Let’s see if you can walk,”

Tamaki

◦ohhh sweet baby boy is gonna adore you

◦he’s going to think your quirk is just so amazing- lowkey will get down on himself and think his is inadequate to yours sometimes

◦when that happens- AFFIRMATIONS AND CUDDLES 100% WILL FEEL BETTER AFTER

◦ Also will worry about you a lot-he has experienced a lot of things at a young age and knows how harsh the real world can be

◦He doesn’t want to see you get hurt at all, but knowing you have such a helpful quirk does ease his nerves some-also helps him out in a pinch too

◦One time when you both were on patrol, Tamaki had realized just how helpful your quirk could be for yourself and him

◦You two were stationed for the next few hours at the city’s busy downtown area

◦You we’re loving all the lights, the people, and the stores, while Tamaki-

◦Well, Tamaki was not

◦”Do we have to be so close to people?” He asked timidly, tugging his hood farther down his eyes, “I feel they’re staring right at us.”

◦you laughed, playfully walking into his side

◦”Of course they are Tamaki! We are dressed up as heroes after all,” you replied sweetly, waving to a small group of kids gawking at you two

◦”I know-its just, your so natural at all this. I don’t know if I can be as cheerful as you,”

◦You sighed, intertwining your fingers with your shy boyfriend. “Don’t get so worked up over it Tama, you're a wonderful hero. It doesn’t matter if your shy or outgoing, it only matters if your a good hero- which you are.”

◦You took that as an opportunity to kiss his cheek, his once nervous frown turning into a tiny smirk

◦”Th-thank you,” he stuttered out, touching the spot where you kissed him

◦ “Of course!” You grinned, “Oh and also-you may want to take your hood off.”

◦ even though he didn’t want to do what you instructed, he trusted your instincts, pulling the fabric down

◦ “Why is that-“ just as the words slipped out of his mouth, the gang of kids you had waved at had ran past, one of the kids having his hands held out suspiciously

◦ A gust of wind flew in your faces from the kids hands, your hair tossling into your faces

◦ “Aww cool we finally see his face!” The kid with the wind quirk yelled, realizing his hood was already down

◦ The others stared at you too in awe, some waving nervously as they ran past, giggling and screaming as they ran away from their shenanigans

◦”See, they wanna stare at your pretty face too, ya know,” you joked, earning a groan from your timid boyfriend as he tugged his hood on again

◦ Tamaki blushes furiously, his stomach filled with butterflies

◦”The only person I like staring at me is-is you,”

Mirio

◦He is gonna use your quirk to give you the cutest pet names

◦His personal fav is going to be calling you his “Lucky Charm”

◦will also call you the cheesiest name like “Light of his life,” “sunshine” (not really revolves around your quirk but no the less!)

◦ will also be a constant worry wart over you-you are his love after all, he can’t help but worry!

◦ Omg hed be the sweetest boyfriend though, always checking up on you and making sure your a-okay!

◦One day though he was on patrol by himself when he spotted you in the same area

◦Of course this boy was gonna come and say hi!

◦More like try to scare the shit out of you by running up behind you and giving you a hug

◦You were staring down at your phone, so it would be a perfect time to go and surprise you

◦But to his horror, a bicyclist who had no control over their bike was bounding onto the sidewalk

◦A bunch of pedestrians were freaking out, moving to the side quickly to not get ran over

◦Of course Mirio was already on his way to go and help, but before he even could the bike was already close to hitting you

◦Just as he was going to yell your name and scoop you into his arms, out of harms way, he saw you casually just move to the side

◦You looked like you didn’t even know what was going on-your face didn’t leave your phone screen, it’s expressions calm as ever-all you did was sidestep so you were a mere inches from getting hit by the bike zooming past

◦Mirio took a second to just stare in amazement-how did you even do that?!?

◦Then he relaized he actually had a job to do, so he ran over to help the poor bicyclist before going over to say hi

◦Ohhhhh he asked so many questions after that and just rave about how cool that was

◦”That was amazing! You just kept on walking as if nothing happened! Does that happen any time you might be in danger?”

◦”Well sometimes if I need to learn something, or if it would be safer for me for my quirk not to intervene, I’ll still get hurt or embarrassed-whatever the case may be.” You smiled, “But usually, yeah, it’ll give me a heads up of what might happen to me if I don’t listen to my quirk

“◦”oh that’s so amazing sunshine! You really are a lucky charm, huh?”

554 notes · View notes

shinahbee · 3 years

Text

February Favs 2021

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GREETINGS

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March 6. 2021

Hello!

Another month has passed by really quickly, maybe because February had only 28 days.

This month also was lunar new years or Chinese New Year, so happy new year to all of you who celebrate it! Our household celebrated safely with just my family, in previous years we would celebrate with extended families, but of course every one’s safety is important.

There was also Valentine’s Day, which I helped my sister make some cheese tarts for her boyfriend as a gift. I’ve been working on a few things, including art for more of my manhwa recommendations, but I’ll put that on hold for now and work on a few for some recent anime that I have been watching. I feel like I’m winding down when it comes to filtering the shounen ai manhwa, there really isn’t much that I have read currently that I want to really want to share.

There are some of the ones that are popular that I dropped, I named two of them in my last favorites, but there have been a lot more since then, if you’d like I could add another segment under the hell segment that talk about the ones I dropped and why I dropped them, I feel like if someone had similar thoughts to a certain manhwa and why they dislike the content , It would honestly help me filter out a lot of the ones I never really should have read, if that makes any sense.

Not instagram though...it keeps showing me the pictures of manhwa that I dropped ...I’m like omg instagram your algorithm is screwed...I don’t even like these.lol. Thus this is how it thought of the new segment idea. I feel like I’m adding a lot to this segment alone.lol.

So how is everything going for all of you? Anything exciting happening? I’ll keep you guys updated when something good happens, but there is nothing currently. Thank you for taking the time to read my nonsense blabbering.

Enjoy reading!

Sheena

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DRAMAS:

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No dramas this month to talk about.lol.

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MANHWA/MANGA/WEBTOONS:

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Recap:

1) Whose baby is it? (ongoing)

2) Social temperature (ongoing)

3) Salad days (ongoing)

4) To be or not to be (ongoing)

5) Path to you (Completed)

6) Here u are (Completed)

7) BJ Alex (Completed)

8) No way, vampires don't exist (ongoing)

9) Unintentional love story (ongoing)

10) Karasugoka don’t be shy! (Completed)

11) Semantic Error (ongoing)

12) Tied up in Twins (Completed)

13) My Suha (ongoing)

14) Crash into me (Completed)

15) Dine with a vampire (ongoing)

16) Inner beauty (Completed)

17) False memories (Completed)

18) Hand in Hand (Completed)

19) Stanning 101 (ongoing)

20) Private lessons (Completed)

21) Behind the scenes (Completed)

22) Turn off the camera (Ongoing)

Updates on ongoing titles:

So I thought I would start off with some updates on some of the titles in the recap section since it has been a while since I last talked about them.

No way vampires don’t exist:

This is almost done soon so I’m glad that the manhwa updates are consistent, what I didn’t know is that there were extra chapters of side stories for this manhwa, and I discovered them through a Chinese manga site, I really hope the licensed site will be able to translate these as well cause it goes into the later lives of all the housemates and of course an in depth development of juwon and dongha’s relationship which I am living for since they are so cute. Lol.

I really hope these get translated since my Chinese is lacking, I’ve just seen the raws and thought I may be able to read them but of course my 8 years of Chinese school has failed me once again.

Dine with a vampire:

This manhwa is giving me so much gripe when discussing the story so far, the recent update of course was a little better in showing the relationship between chi hwan and sooin, so i’m happy they got their feelings across to each other and sooin was able to really begin to trust people again. BUT....I was spoiled by the raws for this week’s update, and let me give a big F*CK you to that harry potter asshole...I still don’t know his name, i think my memory did me a favor and selectively removed it for my mind. I obviously can’t spoil all of it for you but stuff happens and harry potter has found his way to sooin and basically kidnapped him while he was vulnerable and he’s trying to make him his partner...I’m like...great...In all honesty let’s look at this situation in modern society, think about a person who had made your life living hell, who then dies and you think that’s the end of it , but this asshole still haunts you even after death and still tormenting you...i’m not going to lie, I honestly think I would just kill myself at this point.

I feel like when I first read this manhwa , I thought it was disgusting but I still read it thinking that it will be better, it’s like watching season one of a show and being annoyed hoping that it will get better later and then finding out in season two is just...I need anger management.

I really hope what I think might happen will not but the author seems to be a sadist, so it might end up that way. Props to the creator for making one of the most detestable characters i’ve seen so far. I will watch out for people like this in my actual life.

Semantic Error:

This is updating a little slow and again I tried reading the raws, but of course that didn’t go too well, from what i’ve seen there is a bit of character development between the two main leads so far. Also I’ve seen on twitter that semantic error is going to get a mini anime adaptation, in Korean of course but that is so awesome either way! This is one of the manhwa’s I would like to see an anime of because it’s really good.

In terms of Japanese anime seiyuu who would play these roles I wonder? Sungwoo I feel like anyone can since he’s very ambiguous, but for jaeyoung, I think I’d like to hear sakurai takahiro ( cloud from ff7, miyuki kazuya from daiya no ace) play him, in all honesty it’s because of his role as miyuki in daiya no ace, jaeyoung is basically the same character but more intense.lol.

Turn off the Camera:

Oh this piece of work, i’m glad this is completely satire because if I were to take this story seriously I would have an aneurysm thinking about all the bad choices these people have been making. So recently, our boy jihoon who wanted to protect his virginity from the two co-stars has finally lost it to yoojin, one of the co-stars. I’ve heard a lot of people say they don’t know about him because his intentions are still very unknown, and I agree that I don’t know what his intentions are but from what I've seen, it’s not like he treats jihoon badly, he won’t do anything that jihoon would not like so i’m not opposed to it, but I really would like to see romantic development between jihoon and yohan because of how straight forward yohan is, he isn’t hiding his intentions and says whatever is on his mind, it’s reassuring knowing that there’s nothing he would hide.

Jihoon doesn’t really seem interested but it’s more like that push and pull relationship, where despite him not seeming interested he still had a wet dream about having sex with him...lol. Where as with yoojin, Jihoon does not oppose to having intimacy with him. So we’ll see how this dumpster fire plays out as it continues. I absolutely HATE love triangles cause this whole concept alone is so unrealistic, it’s hard enough to get ONE person interested in me, this dude has like 2 without really doing anything. Also it’s just really messy and annoying to read and I always want to route for the guy who never wins.lol.

This is merely a suggestion, but I feel like authors should make alternative endings with different characters, if you think about this in a realistic perspective, you can end up with different people depending on the decisions you make, which is why harems exist in this genre, because there is not just one person you can love, and how alternative timelines can exist. So if the author would consider this idea and make alternative endings for the main character, then I would feel more satisfied with the story overall, because i’m always wondering what if...he ends up with this person ? What would that be like? This only applies to love triangles where abuse doesn’t happen, because there’s no way I would be happy with an abuse victim ending up with their abuser...

Anyways, that is all the updates that I have for you, in this heaven segment I’m going to talk about some titles that I don’t really think is that popular but I decided to read them after reading the summary and they turned out better than I thought.

In the hell segment, I’m going to be discussing some manhwa titles that are a bit “ quirky” you know in my hero academia where these kids were each born with a super power, seem like some of these manhwa characters also have unique abilities, which I will refer to as “ quirks” in this segment. Let me tell you...there are some interesting ones out there.

So let’s begin.

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Welcome to heaven

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Murderous Lewellyn Candelit Dinner:

“Shevon is a writer who lives in a run-down apartment in the streets of the slums. One day, strange memos start showing up at his front door. Before he can uncover the mystery behind them, he encounters a beautiful young man that keeps peeling onions on the staircase next to his unit. After accepting a dinner invitation from the young man, Shevon discovers a dead body in his host’s bedroom...”

Okay so starting off with this one, it’s very different than the usual types that I would read. This story is more of a mystery drama with implied romance, but I have yet to see that happening in the story so far. It is fairly new so I suppose it will be a slow development. Like the summary for the manhwa says, it is a about a guy named Shevon, who I believe is a writer that is trying to get a job at a writing firm, but he ended up free lancing for a while with no luck of getting a paid job. He was being harassed by an ex boyfriend when he encounters his neighbor that is sitting on the stairs peeling onions. Since that day, Shevon would always run into his neighbor peeling onions while exchanging small talk with him, which makes him curious about why he does this at the same time each day, one day his neighbor wanted to invite him over for dinner and Shevon obliged due to being curious and other advances the neighbor has made to get his attention. As he went up to his neighbor's apartment he noticed that he had a bunch of candles lining every inch of his apartment and there was a very strong smell coming from here. Lewellyn (neighbor) just says that it was the onions that he had been peeling, he wanted to use them for tonight's dinner. Shevon didn’t want to just eat onions...I mean who does. So he told him that he will make him a proper meal instead. So he was in the kitchen making food when the door bell rang and Lewellyn went to check who it was. Shevon didn’t see him for a while and decided to just head back to the dining area, but before he could head there the smell from earlier was getting stronger and he noticed it coming from a certain room, he opened it and there lays a dead corpse surrounded by candles covered in blood. Being shocked accidentally took the candle he used to light up the room and left the room; just as Lewellyn entered he said he had to leave for the day.

After that incident there were suspicious activities involving Shevon’s apartment, such as the name plate on his door being moved, the feeling of being watched when he was alone in the room, and some creepy mail he had been receiving, which all points to the fact that he had a stalker.

Shevon starts to suspect Lewellyn as a murderer because of the obvious corpse found in his apartment, but there was no evidence he could find to report him, meanwhile the stalking had been getting worse he found himself getting more entangled with Lewellyn than he’d like to be.

So yeah, it was really creepy when you read those letters, so far we knew Lewellyn is involved in some sort of murder and although he has been helping Shevon find the suspect he himself is also one as well. It’s still too early to make judgments as to what actually is going on, there’s a lot of mystery behind Lewellyn that isn’t explained yet.

So if you like murder mysteries you might like this manhwa, I don’t see any romance involving them yet, but maybe curiosity will lead to something eventually.

Unripened Expression:

“Jaewon has known that he likes males since he confessed his feelings to a boy named Yoonsung in elementary school, but when Yoonsung tells him that liking other boys is weird, Jaewon tries to hide his "weird" feelings and push them away. Now in high school, he's developed a strong crush on his kind, handsome classmate Karam, and Jaewon decides it's time to finally confront the reality that he might be gay. He asks for advice over the internet and befriends another gay student named Junseo, who becomes Jaewon's emotional support in his quest to win Karam's heart.”

So for this one it was not listed as a harem but it actually is, all the guys you see on the cover is related to the main character so how. I usually don’t like harems in any genre, but this one wasn’t as bad as I thought. Actually every guy in here was a good contender and I was not upset with who he chose in the end even though it would be obvious in the first chapter who he would end up with...lol. and you know me, always picking the “ other guy” in these situations, I really do have bad second lead syndrome.

They guy I wanted him the end up with is named “ junseo ” he’s the gay friend that jaewon the main character met on an online forum while asking questions about his sexuality, they felt comfortable enough to exchange numbers but not give their identity away to each other. Jaewon realizes that from talking to Junseo that he went to the same school he did, coincidently, and found out his identity through his friend. Junseo didn’t want to associate with jaewon but he was really persistent. Junseo then gave up and decided to listen to jaewon whenever he wanted to talk.

Junseo had some trauma in the past involving a ex boyfriend and getting bullied at school when someone found him kissing his boyfriend in a room and started spreading rumors of them together, but instead of just denying it, his ex boyfriend accused junseo of leading him on and that’s why junseo ended up being bullied and shut himself off from people, even though he forced to leave school cause of all the bullying he endured he still understood why his ex boyfriend did that, everyone had to protect themselves first after all.

After opening up to jaewon and telling him his story, jaewon cried because he was sorry he had to go through that. Junseo was happy that someone would cry for him, who had just accepted everything until now. Their time together lead to some feelings developing between jaewon and him but although jaewon is aware he has feelings for junseo, it doesn’t compare to the feelings he had for karam..Which is the guy he ended up with.

Okay. Compared to karam who didn’t have much development, junseo had a much better chance to be perfectly honest. It’s not that I don’t like karam, he just didn’t have much back up story to convince me that his feelings for jaewon is real. Lol

But I guess that’s the trope in these types of manhwa right? The Main character always ends up with the guy that he meets first...OMG. Come on authors ...work with me here and try something different for once. Anyways, it’s all good it’s not like any of them were sexually harassing and/or abusing jaewon so I’m happy with whoever he chose.

If you are into harems with good characters, you might like this one.

Oh! My Assistant: (18 +)

“Naive comic artist Seonho, who draws R-19 series, hires beauty(?)-and-brains Muyoung with outstanding skills to be his assistant. However, working with Muyoung who is too task-oriented and has a prickly temperament, turns out to be a little difficult. Seonho asks Muyoung to pose for him one day to help with a sexy scene, but when he sees how erotic Muyoung's pose is, Seonho's "junior"... that hasn't stood in 2 years, got up. It's hard! It got hard! It finally got hard! This is an unpredictable, comical and chest-tickling BL story brought to you by Milla and Yalgae!”

The first thing that came to my mind was Oh! My goddess... LOL let me know if you guys have ever watched that anime, i’m really showing my age with that comment.

Anyways, so this is about an adult mahwa artist named Seonho and he was getting really popular and needed an assistant to help with his busy scheduled serialization. He held an interview with a couple of selected candidates after viewing their portfolio, and of course muyoung was chosen out of all for his pristine work. Of course there was several conditions that muyoung had listed in exchange to work here, most of which applies to a 9 to 5 job, but of course artists out there know that we make our own time...we don’t have a scheduled work hours, but of course seonho needed a person soon and he liked muyoung’s work so he hired him under those conditions.

Muyoung was actually the heir to a prosperous kimchi making firm and did not need money because he was already wealthy, but his grandmother wanted him to have some independence and so muyoung wanted to look for a normal job to get his grandma off his back. He quickly learns that not everything that you ask for will be complied there are times where you will need to work late for a dead line and such.

This made muyoung wonder if he should just quit, the only reason he doesn’t is because he liked seonho. He liked seonho since he first laid eyes on him as he is exactly his type.

Without realizing it seonho also thought muyoung is attractive and ended up in situations with him that are presumed romantic. In the end, the two of them ended up together, but of course there’s always an inconvenience that disrupts this romantic development, and this came in the form of his best friend, who is by the way married to a woman, but as you know in BL...that doesn’t matter...

His best friend was actually in love with him for a very long time and the marriage was just a family arrangement that he had no say in. He tried to separate muyoung and his seonho by trying to convince muyoung to quit several times and even got into an accident and used this as an opportunity to guilt trip muyoung to stay by his side.

He basically just said that he would die if muyoung left him alone...now, here is some advice from me, if anyone says that to you don’t believe them, you have no control over what a person does and you are not responsible for any of their actions, so call their bluff on it.

This incident caused some strife between muyoung and seonho’s relationship to the point where it was getting pointless for seonho to keep up something that not working, he wanted to break up with muyoung but after talking to muyoung’s grandmother he decided not to since what muyoung needs is his support at this moment. So they overcame it and muyoung made it clear to his best friend that he had no feelings towards him and that he only loves seonho, which made the friend only, had to accept it. So in the end muyoung and seonho moved in together and continued working as a mahwa company, and even hired a new assistant who strikingly had the same conditions as muyoung when he was first hired.

Lol. In the end this story worked out great, and it was really good read, the drama was minimal though that friend of his was an inconvenience. It was an overall a good story and the relationship development was really cute since muyoung was in love with seonho first, I’ve never seen that happened before actually, so if you like all of my recommendations so far you will like this one as well.

The Good Teacher: (18 +)

“Hojun’s recent breakup was pretty rough. His partner told him it wasn’t him, per say… Hojun just wasn’t good in bed. But it turns out Drunk Hojun is surprisingly resourceful; singlehandedly managing to find and set himself up with a sex tutor by the name of Mr. Ahn. Ahn Seunghyun was only half serious when he posted the sex tutor ad, but he quickly finds himself in too deep to call the lessons off. And the more he sees Hojun, the more he can’t help but notice how much attractive he is. Seunghyun is making it up as he goes along, so what will the final exam look like?”

This is basically “Sex for dummies” .LOL. I don’t know how your sex education went in school, but for me all I remember is that the teachers would leave he girls in classroom where they took the guys out and talked to them about masturbation. So needless to say I didn’t have much of a sex education until later in life. Or you can read this manhwa which basically taught me more that my sex ed teacher ever did.lol.

So basically Ahn seunghyun ( Mr. Ahn) was drinking with his friends and thought that they would pull a prank by posting an ad for a sex tutor, not thinking that anyone would fall for it. But Hojun found the ad and took his chances to reach out to seunghyun, so he decided to play along for the first meeting to see who he was dealing with, he made fake lesson plans and prepare a lot in order to make him sound convincing as a teacher. What started off as a joke became very educational for hojun whom had very little sexual experience and how his previous partners would claim him being very bad in bed. Seunghyun had a lot of patience and taught him from the ground up. I’m not going to lie, this was pretty educational and I think Mr. Ahn looking really fine does not help either.

So as the lessons progress they began to have feelings for each other, one thing that doesn’t add up is the fact the seunghyun is not a n actual teacher to begin with, although he did his research before every lesson he was not a an educator in trade, so he didn’t tell hojun the truth until the end and they had a fight, but made up quickly right after when they both realized their feelings for each other.

Now you’re probably wondering if there is a third wheel in this relationship, well there is a guy who is seunghyun’s ex boyfriend, he was a little bit of an inconvenience but not really causing too much trouble, just enough to make hojun a little jealous, the only thing he was out of line for saying was that three of them should have a threesome...LMAO not with you f*cker you look like Tarzan...lol. Hell no!

I say that but there is a special chapter at the end where hojun was having a nightmare where the three of them did have a three some and it was gross...i’m like wtf he’s so ugly...I can’t imagine anyone thinking this is hot.

Yeah take this as you will, if you lack sexual education I recommend this mahwa to educate yourself cause lord knows when that will be when you get proper education for that. If you liked reading BJ Alex, you may like this one because of the similar art style, if not then just read it for Mr. Ahn..cause he is so fine...lol.

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Welcome to hell

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*Warning *

These titles are suitable for 18+ audiences, because of the mature content in discussion, you have been warned.

So finally onto the hell segment for this month! This month we will be discussing some of the quirky titles, people born with unusual abilities, I have come across a few of them and from that I chose these three to talk about since their stories alone are interesting in many ways.

Whether these stories are satiric or serious, I enjoyed finding out by reading these more hellish stories. So here we go...starting off with...

My purrfect boss:

“Sunwoo is thrilled to be starting his new job! Full of energy and enthusiasm, he’s eager to please Manager Kang. The problem is, he keeps making dumb mistakes and getting in trouble. Things come to a head one night after work when he pours soju all over his boss. Typical! But hang on… Why is Manager Kang blushing like that? And what are those cat ears sprouting from his head?! After discovering his boss’ secret, it isn’t long before Sunwoo has him purring with pleasure.”

Let me start by saying that the funniest thing in this manhwa is that Mr. kang has both cat ears and human ears...lol. How is that possible?

So basically in this story manager kang is an anthromorph, which are humans with animal characteristics, they only make up of the minority of the population. He is basically a human with cat characteristics and has hidden his identity until sunwoo spooked him and his ears popped up from being surprised. This seems to be his “quirk” and of sunwoo being really innocent only wanted to find out what he was, then was caught by Mr. Kang having his heat cycle and sunwoo was dragged into the meeting room where he and the manager had jerked each other off.

Mr kang needs the cone of shame after the next day realizing what he and sunwoo had done. He started to avoid him until they were set up on a business trip together, in which they had to spend the night in the same hotel room. Manager kang looked apologetic for having sex with him just cause he was in heat but sunwoo said that he wasn’t repulsed by it and actually enjoyed it, therefore manager kang proposed they do it again...and so they did...lol. Many times after that too.

And sunwoo became a furry. The end. lol. I’m kidding, but sunwoo really liked manager kang and decided to make it official with him, they decided to see each other but not make it public since he was scared. Later there was another manager from another department who participated in a joint project and that other manager is also an anthromorph and knows manager kang as well. This manager cha was like an ex boyfriend but he calls himself his “owner”. He tried to force manager kang into this abusive play and now he’s scared of him. But even knowing that sunwoo didn’t really give up on manager kang but instead gave him courage to confront his fears and stand up for himself, and if anything it made him love him even more. Even if sunwoo didn’t know much about manager kang the way the other manager did, manager kang listed out all of his favorite things to him so that he does know now.

I really like this part of the story, just because a person’s past partners know more about the person you are dating doesn’t mean they know everything, people’s preferences can change over time and all you have to do is ask. So i’m glad they communicated with each other.

So in the end, sunwoo and manager kang was able to be together and he was thankful for having sunwoo in his life. There’s a lot that happens in between but you’ll have to figure that out on your own by reading it.lol. Can’t say that this story is relatable since I don’t have feline features but it was an interesting read in the end.

The Sales Departments Cupid:

“'Taejun', who has the ability to see auras from people who have been in contact with him since childhood, connects with people with similar auras, and at his company he is known as 'the Cupid of the Sales Department'. Then, Hongyeon, a new employee with a rainbow-colored aura, approaches Taejun...”

In this manhwa, Taejun’s quirk is that he has the ability to see people's auras in the form of colours and that way he matches people by the compatibility from complimentary colours between two people’s auras. This is why he is the match maker of the sales department, because anyone who he consults ends up married happily with their partner. The only thing taejun can’t see is his own aura which made him feel like he will be forever alone, Until the new employee Hongyeon showed up and started a conversation with taejun at a drinking party. There was a slight issue though...taejun also has this uncanny ability to kiss anyone who is in close proximity to him when he drinks, and hongyeon was told to sit next to him by his supervisor, basically they wanted to sacrifice him.lol.

But this development made hongyeon very happy and they kissed and did other things after wards. Taejun didn’t really notice it when he was drunk but took notice that hongyeon had a rainbow like aura emitting from him. Which he had never seen before.

I find it really cute to see people’s auras but not your own, which means nothing can be predicted in terms of who you end up with, but why was he able to see hongyeon with a rainbow aura?

Makes me think that is an indication that he is the “one” for him. This concept is really cute and the relationship between hongyeon and taejun started off really romantic for just having a first encounter, after things progressed they started to catch feelings for each other.

This manhwa is still ongoing so I’m not sure how and when it will end, but really liking it so far, even with the crazy amount of sex scenes, I can still feel the intimacy between to two characters and it’s not just showing sex for the sake of it. This is a really cute story so please read it if you are curious!

Pearl Boy:

“ Do shik is a host who ran away with a large sum of money and has a bunch of people chasing him down, he fled to the country side to lay low for a while and noticed that he was essentially running out of funds to survive. He tried to pick up a few men in hopes of getting some money for his services, but none have been taking the bait. He noticed a clam grilling restaurant and thought he would try his luck in getting a free meal, the boss of the restaurant over heard doshik’s plans and told his worker to pay attention to him in case he runs away. the restaurant’s worker jin juha was aware of his schemes and stopped him from eating and running at the very last minute, saying that he should make it up by paying with his “ body” doshik thought that meant sexual favors and began to touch juha inappropriately. Before juha says that wasn’t what he meant, there was a bunch of men coming towards the restaurant, which made juha panic and forced doshik to leave and forget about paying. After doshik left he was loitering around the restaurant and noticed the back alley had an entry way to the back of the restaurant, there he saw something that he should not have seen.....”

Shameless plug before we begin here, I did draw a fanart of juha from pearl boy if you would like to see it please do so, I explained in the summary that I would write my own synopsis since the one i found was really bad.lol.

I wrote a little summary of the plot up till now below:

so it goes Boss sexual abuse juha by making him work as a sex toy for old ugly bastards -> juha has ability to produce pearls from cuming after sex lol. i’m sorry this seems so absurd, but it is how the story goes, which the boss monopolizes him -> juha can’t run away because he is scared and owes boss money juha was about to be assaulted by the ugly bastards-> doshik shows up and saves him a couple times and ends up working at the shop as a co worker-> juha and doshik get to know each other after doshik saves him a couple times juha asks doshik to have sex with him ( in order to produce pearls for debt payment) -> doshik discovers juha’s ability but thought it was beads coming out of his body...LOL. he actually thought he had kidney stones and was genuinely concerned -> doshik had a pearl that he found at the beach earlier on and used it to compare to the bead that came out of juha and found out it as an actual pearl after getting it appraised by the bank person ->juha met up with doshik and wanted to tell him he wanted him to come over again cause he liked doing it with him -> juha and boss confront each other and boss is angry he didn't show up meet his business partners that night that juha and doshik were together -> juha says that he’s only going to pay it off by himself with his one partner, he didn't tell boss it was doshik, but i think he found out later -> juha and doshik became roommates ->Boss goes to doshik’s old work place to find out more about him

And that is the summary until the official licensed chapters, so I have a lot to say about this manhwa, since this one has been on my mind for a while, but juha’s “quirk” is to make pearls by cuming after sex.lol. Firstly that must hurt, it really would feel like having kidney stones wouldn’t it? It sounds so absurd to say “my ability is to cum pearls” although it’s quite unique, not really sure if you’d save any one with that power.

So the reason why I couldn’t tell if this manhwa is satirical or serious because the whole plot started off with juha being used as a sex toy for crusty old men, these people were getting paid by the boss to basically have sex with juha in order for him to produce pearls, it’s sounds so far-fetched when you explain this to someone, it sounds like some hentai plot line with ugly ass b*stards...but it’s not just one, it’s like 10 of them...so imagine the ugliest being you’ve ever seen in anime/manga but x10...

That freaken boss, I get that some of you would see him and simp over him cause he looks hot but he’s a terrible person, looks can’t begin to compromise for his actions, he’s involved with sex trafficking and sexual abuse, that alone is enough for me to hate this person. So just keep that in mind if you decided to read this.

That aside, he complains and hurts juha because he does not produce quality pearls after having sex with all those men...and i’m like can you blame him? Satirical point of view speaking, you only gave him crusty old ugly ass men to work with, i’m surprised he produced any at all, if you want quality then get better looking men, look at how much he made with doshik...doesn’t that tell you anything?...ugh. the idiocy...

Speaking of doshik, I really like his ballsy character, when one of the crusty ass men was assaulting juha he literally grabbed the ugly ass’s balls and says he will take care of it for him, since he’s good at this stuff. Lol. He is an awesome character and he cares so much for juha, even in the beginning when they were not close and always ended up arguing, he would be genuinely worried for him. Fast forward when juha and doshik were getting close and juha wanted to have sex with doshik instead of the dudes he was supposed to meet that night, doshik really showed how much he liked him and handled him gently and sweetly, I honestly blush every time they have any sort of intimacy, I could feel their affection projecting off of my screen, it’s really sweet. If you can’t tell I simp so hard for this couple and will probably continue to do so. You’ll need to read the manhwa to know what I’m saying but their love scenes are really passionate and affectionate. This of course makes me believe that juha was a person who only knew what pain and suffering was due to his situation and that led to his cold and indifferent expressions early in the manhwa, but after meeting doshik his expressions begin to soften and you can tell as a reader that he starting to develop feelings for doshik. The author actually drew an illustration on her twitter that was quite symbolic to the recent chapters and where the story was going, and I decided to write an entire tumblr post, breaking down the symbolism and foreshadowing in her art. If you’d like to read that post I’ll link it down below.

This manhwa is fairly new and currently is still ongoing so there is very much a lot of stuff to unravel as it continues down the line. Please read this if you have not you won’t be disappointed, I thought this was going to be some satire bull shit and I was proven so wrong... lol.

Alright, that is it for the manga and webtoons section this week, we ended off with the theme of “quirks” in time for spring when My hero academia season 5 will be starting again in the spring.

I hope you all are enjoying reading this since I don’t have any feed back after doing this every month. I do enjoy sharing these since not many people talk about manga/webtoons and I feel like this topic should be more popular. Like I said in the beginning please let me know if you’d like to see the titles of manhwa that I dropped and why I dropped it, in case there are some you are not sure whether or not to read it and would like some feedback, I don’t beat around the bush when I don’t like something so you can be sure that my opinions are 100% genuine.

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ANIME

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Kemono Jihen:

“When a series of animal bodies that rot away after a single night begin appearing in a remote mountain village, Inugami, a detective from Tokyo who specializes in the occult, is called to investigate.

While working the case, he befriends a strange boy who works in the field every day instead of going to school. Shunned by his peers and nicknamed "Dorota-bou" after a yokai that lives in the mud, he helps Inugami uncover the truth behind the killings but supernatural forces are at work, and while Dorota-bou is just a nickname, it might not be the only thing about the boy that isn't human.”

- Summary from my anime list

I started watching this because it reminded me of old series like inuyasha, and I thought I would try it out. I think it’s interesting so far, half demons living among-st the humans and a group of them are solving cases together, this is only my understanding so far. I think that main character is in need of some development because I can’t really read his expressions very well so he doesn’t have much of a personality. I’m not really getting the whole plot as of yet, but maybe when this show is over I’ll have a better understanding.

I’m not going to lie, there is nothing that is intriguing me in terms of new anime series, I have watched the same ones I talked about last month, plus this one. I am waiting for attack on titan to finish before watching it all at once. I don’t think waiting every week for a new episode is something I can do for this series.

I am also waiting for shaman king to show in the spring, I loved shaman king when I was younger and I really want to revisit this series since it was one of my favorites. Also my hero academia season 5 is in the spring as well, so looking forward to seeing that.

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MUSIC/PODCASTS:

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Music for this month is mainly a playlist called dandelions playlist, this YouTube channel has a plethora of indie k-pop music and I love listening to this while painting and drawing, it really relaxes the mind.

I did say in the last months’ favorites that would maybe include some podcasts that I have been listening to and it’s also on YouTube as well

This one is not a podcast, but she may as well have one since she has really interesting takes on bad movies, her channel name is KennieJD, and she talks about bad movies in her series called “bad movies in a beat” I watched a lot of them and I really like the one she did on the “death note” live action movie, this is why I avoided watching that movie, being a huge fan of death note back in the day. All the things she said in her video are valid and I whole heartedly agree with all of it.

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So you have reached the end! Congrats!

I hope everything was informative and if you decided to read/watch any of the things mentioned in my favorites for this month, please let me know down below what you thought about it,

I also am doing a draw 6 characters challenge so if you’d like to participate please see that post on my tumblr page for details!

With that being said, please take care of your selves, we are still in the mist of this pandemic and I hope you are all well and taking care of your selves and your loved ones.

I’ll see you in the next monthly favorites.Thank you for reading,

Sheena

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SOCIAL MEDIA

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Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

Deviantart: she-be.deviantart.com

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#shounen ai #manga review #monthly favorites #yaoi manhwa #bl manhwa #boys love #anime review #oh my assistant #pearl boy #my purrfect boss #the good teacher #anime and manga #bl manga

15 notes · View notes

justanotherlifeff · 4 years

Note

Heyo!! Saw the ask thing and wanted to shoot my shot. Blasty boi with a dragon like reader? She’s got the big wings, tail and horns? She’s got a kickass attitude and doesn’t back down. Kinda a butch female? (I’m tired of seeing soft and shy readers with Bakugou) ((plus I love dragons)) with something fluffy yet kinda suggestive?? I just recently started fallowing you and I absolutely love your writing❤️❤️

Bracelet

Warnings: Suggestive content, fingering, swearing

To say that Bakugou and you hated eachother ever since the moment you stepped into class 1A would be an understatement. With your powerful quirk, your confident and outspoken attitude, your natural talent when it came to education and using your quirk, you pissed the hell off him. Your quirk was called "dragon", which was pretty much self explanatory since you had all the abilities of a dragon. Starting from having large scaly red wings, tiny horns on your head, a tail and most importantly, the ability to breathe fire, you were what he'd call a rival. Unlike Deku, you weren’t a pushover, which made him more pissed since you challenged him almost all the time. On the first day at UA, you came to class early like a good student, called him out infront of the entire class completely embarrassing the shit out of him when he made a mistake during math class, and when he threatened to kill you, for good measure, starting a fight with him in the middle of the classroom. You never gave him a chance to see you as an extra from day 1 and he was convinced that if there was someone he hated as much as Deku, it had to be you. This is why, he was left completely confused by why he was buying the shitty bracelet that you were gawking at for you just because you looked sad.

You hated Bakugou with a passion as well. You may be as outspoken as Bakugou himself but unlike the explosive boy, you directed that attitude in a good path. While Bakugou was like an explosion that would destroy anything in his path, you were like a warm and steady, yet a strong fire that could cause burn everything in it's way as well as attract bugs towards it. You were friendly with almost everyone in class except Bakugou as your personalities seemed to clash like fire and water. You were always protecting Midoriya from his wrath and it seemed that the two of you fought in a daily basis, sometimes things getting out of hand and quirks being used before you were stopped by Aizawa sensei. That's why you were confused about why you found yourself getting closer to him, staring at him only to find him more attractive everyday and trying to know him better.

Your rivalry with Bakugou was going at a constantly normal pace till the dormitories were introduced into UA. While you were happy to spend more time with your friends at school, you definitely weren’t happy with the fact that you would have to live under the same roof as the asshole you had come to hate. However, ever since Bakugou was kidnapped, while he was still as explosive as ever, it seemed like he was humbled to some extent. It started with the day when Bakugou made Kaminari fry his brain to take money from him only to give it to Kirishima just to improve Kirishima's mood. You had never seen Bakugou care about someone's feelings and this sudden act of kindness within him made you feel unsettled. "There's always exceptions" you told yourself to push it off your mind and to continue seeing him as a rival. However, he proved you wrong. Every time he cooked, he always 'accidentally' made extra food for everyone, including you. You saw how skilled he was at cooking and anyone could see through his bullshit. You found him complaining about how everyone are stupid extras but then again, he would tutor them, shout at them if necessary only to ensure that they get good grades. Living under the same roof as Bakugou Katsuki made you realise that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t an asshole. As you finally came to accept that new information, you found yourself noticing how attractive he actually was. You found your eyes trailing his perfect jaw, his lean yet muscular body and most importantly, the way those muscles flexed every time he moved. While the two of you bickered daily as usual, things suddenly weren’t the same anymore. The typical, arguments that went like this:

"You scaly bitch! You wanna fight hah?!"

"Is that a fucking invitation blasty bastard?! Cause I'm gonna fucking incinerate you!"

"DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

"I'LL CALL YOU WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT BLASTY BASTARD!"

"DIE!"

Turned into something like:

"You wanna fight huh princess?! I'll show you how a fucking hero fights like you insufferable brat!"

"Come at me Blasty! Hero my ass... I bet you don't even have the balls of a normal person!"

"Well well, bet you wanna know how my balls look like huh Princess? I've got bigger ones than in your imagination unlike that miserable excuse of your ass."

"So you’ve been ogling my ass?"

"DIE!!!"

Basically, the fights included less insults and got more sexual including loads of blushing and teasing out of nowhere. While you were finding Bakugou more attractive each day, it was no different for Bakugou either. It started when you offered to help Bakugou take the trash out when he was under house arrest after the fight with Midoriya. While you disapproved the fact that they fought like complete immature dumbasses after curfews, you admired the fact that Bakugou admitted to throwing the first punch even if it meant more punishments for him. Which is why, you decided to help him out when everyone brought too many trash for him to carry in one go. Ofcourse, he rejected the offer at first, assuming that you doubted his strength but then he decided to accept your help when you insisted, surprising you as you didn't expect him to take any help no matter how much you insisted. You decided take notes for both Midoriya and Bakugou since they weren’t allowed to go to class and Bakugou surprisingly found the doodles you made on the corners of the pages cute. He also found himself glancing at you more than usual, taking in how cute your horns looked like, how your tail wagged when you were happy or excired or drooped when you were sad much like a dog, how you always had an eye for shiny objects and how much money you wasted on buying anything that was shiny (like a dragon). He found himself throwing away any shiny key chains that he owned or bought only a day back infront of you, only to find you grumbling about how anyone can throw away something so 'pretty' and picking it up and stuffing it in your pocket. He would never admit how cute you looked pouting when he did things like that.

With time, the mutual pining between you and Bakugou were getting so obvious that Bakusquad decided to 'interfere'. Since you were friends with everyone, when Bakusquad asked you to hang out in one of the food stalls during the School Festival after 1A's performance was over, you immediately accepted their invitation. You weren’t in the band as you had no idea on how to play any instrument. Instead, you were on the dance team as you were pretty good at dancing and Mina pretty much dubbed the two of you as the "horned duo". This also gave Bakugou a good opportunity to stare at your ass for as long as he liked because unlike his statement, he found your ass amazing. After the performance was over, you went to Mina to ask about when they all were going, only to have her inform you that there was a 'change of plans' and they were going to see the fashion show but since Bakugou wasn’t gonna go with them, you could go to the food stalls with him. You forgave Mina before she started profusely apologising, further to make her claims seem true and went to find Bakugou. At the same time, Bakugou was informed the exactly same information from Kirishima not too long ago and was currently looking for you.

When the two of you found eachother, you mentioned the issue while he only grunted in approval to your blunt invitation on going to the food stalls with him. "How the actual fuck do you even eat that shit? I don't think even Satan can eat that without having his ass burn while shitting cause this is basically is stuffed with spice..." you spoke in disbelief when Bakugou poured the fifth packet of spice powder on his ramen. "Shut the fuck up you weak ass. Just cause you don't have the guts to eat like normal people doesn’t mean others can't. Besides, who even eats sweet shit like that?" Bakugou barked at you as he mixed all that spice into his ramen, pointing at the blueberry cheesecake infront of you. "You call that normal, Blasty boi? Pretty sure you’ll have explosive diarrhoea after eating that." you scoffed, eating a spoonful of your cheesecake. "YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT DIARRHOEA WHILE YOU’RE EATING YOU SHITTY BRAT!" Bakugou barked at you while letting off small explosions in his hands. "Calm your balls damn!!" you told him looking at him with an incredulous expression. "You really are interested in my balls aren’t you princess?" you found him giving you a teasing smirk. "DIE!!" you barked at him only to have him bark back saying, "THAT'S MY LINE YOU FUCKING PHOTOCOPY MACHINE!!!"

After you were done with your food and filled your bickering quota for the day, you were walking with Bakugou infront of the stalls in the carnival set up in the school festival as Bakugou grumbled about how shitty women doing shitty shopping. That's when something incredibly shiny suddenly caught your eye. You immediately ran to the store, irritating Bakugou even more. "Stop running around you stupid brat!" Bakugou shouted at you as he followed you into the store. "Sorry that you can't keep up, grandpa." you answered teasing him only to get him more mad. It was a bracelet that caught your attention. It was shiny and fashionable and it just screamed at you to buy it. Unfortunately, when you opened your wallet, you found it to be completely empty except for a few coins. As you looked at the bracelet with a longing expression with a pout on your face as your tail drooped down showing that you were sad, Bakugou suddenly felt a pang at his heart. He felt a sudden need to buy that worthless piece of crap for you only for you to go back to your usual cheerful and annoying self. "Damnit... I spent all my money on that cheesecake... Anyway, we'll be late for 1B's show. Let's go?" you looked at Bakugo with the same sad expression. "You go on ahead. I'll have to buy some stuff for shitty hair." Bakugou grumbled. "Huhhhh??? The Bakugou Katsuki doing shopping? I NEED TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THIS RARE AND HILARIOUS THING!" you made a dramatic expression as you took out your phone to take a picture. "GET OUTTA HERE BEFORE I BLAST YOUR ASS!" Bakugou barked, making you laugh as you winked at him and said, "Still ogling at my ass huh?" before you ran off leaving Bakugou a flustered seething mess.

Bakugou barely ever used his money. He almost never ate out because whatever he cooked by himself was usually always better than what any restaurant can possibly make. He didn’t have to buy clothes cause his parents were fashion designers and he always got free fashionable clothes from them whenever he asked for it. He barely ever went out since he always used his free time for extra training or to watch TV or cook for his shitty friends. This is why he had a huge amount of savings that he made from his monthly allowance which allowed him to buy the bracelet without any issue. However, after he bought it, reality stuck him and he had no idea on how to give it to you without you whipping up a way to tease him. Reluctantly, he decided to keep the bracelet with him until he found a way to give it to you in a way where you wouldn’t have the floor to insinuate that he had feelings for you. Because he didn't. Atleast that's what he told himself. However, when he made his way to class 1B's programme, he found you with someone else. Someone who was way too close to you. Someone who happened to be the Icyhot bastard or Todoroki Shouto.

Bakugou felt the need to blow something up when he found Todoroki putting an arm around your waist, with you blushing furiously as he pulled you closer. "You know, Bakugou, you’ll probably lose her if you don't make a move." Bakugou felt a hand on his shoulder as he heard Kirishima sigh, standing beside him. This broke any sort of self control he had on himself as he charged towards you and Todoroki, grabbed your hand and pulled you out of whatever shitshow 1B was presenting all while giving Todoroki a death glare. What he didn't know was that all of it was a part of Bakusquad's plan.

"Bakugou! What the fuck? Stop pulling me dammit! What's wrong with you?!" your equally surprised and irritated voice was ignored till he pulled you a corner near the backstage of the stupid show 1B was pulling. "Is there anything between you and Icyhot?" Bakugou asked you with a glare. "What? No! He's a good friend. Why do you ask? Are you interested or someth...." your teasing voice was cut off with a rough kiss that made your eyes widen. Bakugou was kissing you, pinning you to the wall behind you and you could hardly register the fact. You were so sure that he hated your guts. You accepted the fact that you had a crush on him not too long ago but you decided to keep it to yourself since he already hated your guts and you decided that he can't possibly be interested in you in that way. When Bakugou finally broke the kiss, you looked at him with shock while he looked plain pissed. "No one's gonna just go ahead and touch you like that except me. Get that in your stupid head of yours. Do you have any fucking idea on what you do to me? You drive me fucking insane! I swear to God I wanted to break that damn Icyhot bastard's hands!" Bakugou barked at you still pinning you to the wall. "Wait wait wait... You like me?" you asked him, completely surprised by everything. "Wow you really have shit for brains don't you? Take a hint dumbass." Bakugou sneered at you. "Wow... Okay? Uh... I kinda like you too." you answered with a sheepish smile. "Damn right you do! I'm the fucking best!" Bakugou gave you a confident smirk at that. "Are you though? Wasn’t I the one 'doing things to you'? Doesn't that make me better?" you teased him, angering him. "Don't you have a smart fucking mouth.." he scoffed, looking away. "Admit it Bakugou, you love it. Why don't you show me the 'things I do to you'? Then maybe we can decide on who's better." you told him cheekily only to have him give you a devilish smirk. "You wanna see that? Well, your wish is my command, Princess." he muttered at your ear before pulling you into a passionate kiss while his hands travelled all over your body, squeezing your breasts and your ass. "Knew you had a thing for my ass..." you muttered between the kiss only to have you bark at you saying, "Don't ruin the damn moment dumbass!".

His kisses took your breathe away and just when you felt like things couldn't get better, you felt his fingers pulling at your panties, moving it from the way to have him press his fingers on your bare pussy, making you yelp in his mouth. At this point, your knees were wobbly and you were holding onto Bakugou for support. When his fingers started kneading your clit, you let out a tiny whimper in his mouth, making him smirk as he broke the kiss to whisper in your ear, " not being a smartass anymore huh?" with a husky tone. To that, you bit his neck softly in protest while trying to muffle your soft moans. With a groan, Bakugou said, "You're trying to mark me up huh baby? Well, then I'll do the same." and he attacked your throat, leaving hickeys as his two of his fingers finally entered your pussy, curling into you as it pumped in and out vigorously, making you come undone as you held onto him for dear life. "Bakugou... Please..." you gasped softly, trying to control your voice as you were closer to your release with every pump. "Call me Katsuki, (Y/N). Please what?" Bakugou whispered into your year in a husky tone. "Wanna cum.. Please Katsuki..." you moaned softly as you hid your face in the crook of his neck to muffle your moans. Bakugou increased his speed, as he whispered, "Good girl. Cum all over my fingers." into your ears, making you do what he said in a matter of moments. After holding your breath and finding some strength to your feet, you pulled away from Bakugou with a deep blush on your face due to everything that happened moments ago and also because you didn't fail to feel the bulge in his pants during the entire process. "I'm not done with you yet, (Y/N). I'm not gonna fuck you in public so we are going to the dorms now. We'll meet up with those extras later." Bakugou huffed as he pulled a packet out from his pocket. He tore the packet to bring out the shiny bracelet you saw earlier and then he pulled your hand towards him roughly before slipping the bracelet on you. "You.. You bought this for me?" you looked at him, shocked at his sudden softness. "Tch.. Don't mention it. Come on now." Bakugou muttered as he walked towards the dorm with you following him. "Damn you really turned into a softie didn't you?" you teased him on your way only to have him bark at you saying, "DIE!!"

Bonus (cause this is the first ask I've ever gotten and cause I have a thing for Bakugou):

"Oi Todoroki, we need your help in setting Bakugou and (L/N) together." Kirishima told Todoroki as the two of them were sitting on the dining table at midnight. When Kirishima asked Todoroki to meet up because of a 'top secret plan', Todoroki definitely didn't expect this. "They have a thing for eachother?" Todoroki asked Kirishima, almost making Kirishima facepalm himself. Todoroki was the only other person who was oblivious to all the pining going on except for Bakugou and you yourself. "Yeah, it's kinda obvious by now." Kirishima chuckled nervously as he scratched his head. "This plan of yours, will it piss Bakugou off?" Todoroki asked Kirishima with a blank face. "Uh.. Yeah? I mean, he seems the possessive type..." Kirishima answered only to see a mischievous smile form on Todoroki's face. "I'll help. Please explain the plan." Todoroki told Kirishima at that.

[Author's note: I've never done asks before so I hope this was good enough!]

#bakugou katsuki #bakugou smut #bnha fanfiction #bakugo katsuki #bnha #bakugo smut #bakugo x reader #bakugo × reader

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all1e23 · 5 years

Text

Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun [One-shot]

Summary: The past is never where you leave it.

Warnings: Some fluff. A bit of angst. Protective Bucky

A/N: I’ve had a lot of you ask about Dot and if she ever comes back (What would happen, how would they react and this has always been the way I saw it in my head). This takes place roughly 5 months after the epilogue. If you have not read it THERE WLL BE MAJOR SPOILERS. Some angst but also sweet Bucky and lots of fluff between Ori and Beck.

Catch up on the series here!

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are my jam though! Thanks!*

Wednesday is Y/n’s longest day and lately, she is having trouble making it till closing. Thankfully, she has two very loving worrywarts who decided that Wednesdays would be a family day at the bookstore. Bucky picks up Ori from school and from there they head to the bookstore where they order takeout and the two worriers help take some of the workload off her shoulders. They handled restocking the shelves, inventory if needed and Bucky usually had her in the back office on the couch by seven while he cleaned up and closed down.

It was currently just shy of five so they should be barreling through the door any minute and couldn’t come at a better time. They weren’t busy by any means, just one customer that’s been browsing the shelves for thirty minutes but her feet are killing her and she wants nothing more than to her two favorite people.

“Hi, I’m sorry to bother you,” A soft feminine voice grabs your attention and you look up from your computer. “This was in that large red chair in the back of the store. I wasn’t sure if someone left it behind or…”

The dark-haired woman held up a drawing of constellations and flowers floating all together and a galaxy printed marker case. Y/n knew just who that belongs to and it certainly wasn’t lost -- those markers knew they were home. She grins and takes the piece of cream-colored construction paper from the woman’s hand and the bag of markers, setting them on the shelves under the cash register.

“I’m sorry about that. That’s my daughter’s favorite spot in the shop. She likes to sit there and read when she comes in and as you can see, color.”

The woman laughs and rubs a hand over her stomach. "I guess I better get used to finding markers in my couch cushions. When are you due?" She nods towards Y/n’s very obvious baby bump. Y/n smiles down at her belly, placing both her hands protectively over her bump and she looks back up at the woman with a glowing smile.

"February, 26th but I have a feeling they will be early. What about you?”

"April 10th. It goes by a lot faster than you would think, doesn’t it?”

The bell on the front door rings before Y/n could answer and a blur of curly hair rushes through the shelves and right into the back office where the owner of all those curls deposits her backpack with a huff and the arm full of books she was carrying hit the desk with a resounding thwap.

“Mama, daddy said I can order pizza for dinner. Is that okay?” Ori shouted from behind the glass window separating them.

Y/n smiles at the stranger and sighs fondly. “That would be the owner of the markers. Excuse me just a second.”

She walks over (more like waddles) and stands in the doorway so she can keep a watch on the floor and still see her daughter’s sweet face. “Of course, starlight. Yes, you can call and you don’t have to ask. You know where the menu is. My phone is in the locked drawer upfront. Just make sure you get two cheese pizzas and the extra cheesy garlic knots.”

“Okay!” Ori beams up at her and adds, “and brownies?”

Y/n laughs as Ori skips out of the office and over to the front desk with the key in hand. She climbs up onto the stool that’s in front of the computer and unlocks the drawer that holds Y/n’s phone, purse and keys while she’s working in the store alone. Y/n follows behind her and brushes her curls out of her face so she can place a kiss to her forehead.

“Yeah, brownies are fine and you left this in your chair?" Y/n raises her knee, letting them bump into the drawing and her box of markers.

Ori grimaces but is still smiling because she's rarely in trouble for anything and most certainly would never be in trouble for anything as silly as leaving her drawing laying around the bookstore.

"Sorry. I meant to hang it up next to daddy's calendar so you can look at it all the time.”

"It's alright, starlight. Just try to remember next time. You would be upset if someone took one of your masterpieces by mistake and I don’t want you upset.” She tickles Ori’s side, making her giggle and asks her daughter, “ Speaking of daddy. Where is he at?"

"Outside on the phone with Uncle Stevie about work or maybe baby Oliver. He said Uncle Stevie needs to stop whining because Uncle Sammy doesn’t find that cute anymore now that they are married and have a baby.”

Y/n snorts and the woman that was talking to her a few minutes earlier is standing behind the register unable to control her own giggling. Ori blushes at being caught by a customer and looks up at her mother who nods, letting her know it’s okay and she skips off back to the office to call for pizza, Y/n’s phone in hand.

"She's adorable." The woman says as she sets the books down on the counter and Y/n grins in response. She grabs each book from the small stack she picked out and starts to scan each book, placing them into the new paper bags Ori helped her pick out.

"Yes, she is. She really is the greatest kid and thank you."

Y/n starts to notice a trend with her purchase. Each book is about parenting. She has Birth Without Fear, Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, The Motherly Guide to Becoming a Mama and a few others. Normally, Y/n would just scan books and not say a word. It isn’t her business what her customers are buying and she never wants to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Maybe it is the pregnancy but her heart hurts for her. This woman is obviously scared about motherhood and her ability to be a good mother.

“It’s seventy-three even. You can insert your card there.” She chews her bottom lip and holds out the bag. “I know it’s not my place and believe me I know how scary this all is but once you see their face it will ease all those worries. You won’t have loved anything as much as that little baby. You’ll find your way. Don’t worry.”

The woman takes the bag and gives her a weak smile as she takes her receipt. There is something in her eyes that Y/n can’t quite place but she simply says thank you and heads for the door. Ori skips back out back of the office and hands Y/n her phone.

“Done mama!”

Y/n tears her eyes from the empty sales floor and looks at her daughter. She wraps her arm around her and kisses her cheek. “Thank you, starlight. You know your daddy and I love you very much, right?”

Ori responds with a beaming smile and nods. “Yep, you love me best and most in the whole world. Bigger than the whole universe?”

“Yeah, bigger than the universe and brighter than the sun, starlight.”

--------

Bucky groans, loudly. “Steve. I can’t keep having this conversation with you. Bring Oliver over tomorrow and you can take Sam out. I think it will be okay. I have a kid you remember? I even took care of her when she was a baby. Plus, Beck will be there.”

The front door bell chimes and that’s Bucky's last straw. He’s wasted enough time talking to Steve about date night with Sam. Bucky needs to kiss his girl, say hi to his babies before he loses his friggin’ mind!

“I’m hanging up, punk. I haven’t seen my girl yet and you’re keeping me from pizza and talking to my babies. Oh, good, God. Shut it. You just whined about missing your husband for twenty minutes and you’re going to rag on me? I don’t think so, pal. Bring Oliver by tomorrow night around seven. Later, Stevie.”

Bucky’s cheeks are still bright red when he turns around to see Dot standing behind him, swollen belly and a bag full of books from his fiance’s bookstore. He peeks through the window at his girls laughing at the front counter and he knows that Dot met his baby, his Orion and he wasn’t there when it happened. Even if Dot didn’t know she did, she still did and bucky felt his chest twist and stomach clench.

He wasn’t there.

“James…” She closes her eyes and mutters, “Uncle Stevie and Uncle Sammy.”

Bucky doesn’t answer her. He doesn’t even look at her, he walks right past her and heads towards the store. He isn’t going to do this in the street and not with his daughter so close. She isn’t going to learn who Dot is this way.

“Wait--” Dot steps towards the shop door and Bucky steps in front of her, blocking her path. “Is that... My--”

“No.” Bucky is quick to shut that down, gesturing between him and Y/n through a large picture window at the front of the store. He makes sure things are very clear when it comes to Ori and tells her, “She’s our daughter, not yours. You walked out on her before she was three days old, she was never your daughter.”

They stand there, staring at each other. No says a word and no one dares to move. Bucky would love to go inside and shield his girls from whatever this woman is trying to bring into their lives but he stays put, firm and standing his ground. The awkward silence fills the busy sidewalk out front of the shop and after several minutes of agony finally Bucky can’t take it any longer. He has to know what she wants from him and what she wants from his baby girl.

“What is it?”

“What…” Her brows pinch together and she shakes her head. “What is what?”

“What do you want, Dot?” Bucky clarified. He wasn’t yelling, he would never yell at a woman but his tone was as far as friendly as you could get. “If you think you can come back here after nearly seven years and take my daughter from me--”

“I didn’t come here to try to take her Bucky! Jesus,” She blows out a breath and glances back at the girls through the display window. “I didn’t know this is your… wife’s store. I didn’t even know you had gotten married. I was out for a walk after meeting my parents for lunch and I saw the display in the window so I came in. I wasn’t looking for you or for her--”

Bucky digs his teeth into his bottom to keep down the harsh words that were threatening to crawl up his throat. Of course, she wasn’t looking for Ori. She’s never wanted anything to do with Ori and that was probably for the best. He didn’t bother correcting her about Y/n. They were going to be married soon enough and he didn’t want Dot having any more information about his family in case she suddenly got it in her head that she wants to know Ori. He looks down at her swollen stomach and something in his stomach burns. She didn’t want Ori but she’s out buying baby books for this baby? What makes this baby more deserving than his little girl? He hopes Ori doesn’t know any of that or put any of this together on her own. He would have no idea how to repair her heart from that kind of hurt.

His Beck would know. She would know how to fix it and would make everything okay because she loves Ori more than she loves him and that’s one of the reasons he fell in love with her.

“Good. That’s good. Because she has a mom, you know? One that loves her unconditionally and for the record, you’re the one that’s missing out. Not me and definitely not Ori. You’re missing out on an amazing kid and that’s all on you.”

He wanted his words to hurt her more. He wanted her to be upset and regretful for missing out on Ori’s life but she wasn’t. She was hurt by this confrontation and maybe having to hear all of this from him directly but she wasn’t upset about losing Ori.

“James, I was young and stupid. I’m sorry I left that way but… I never felt that connection you felt. You held her and I could see it in your face, you loved her with all of you. I wanted to feel that so badly and I thought after I held her and things would be different but… they weren’t. It’s not like either of us wanted a baby when I got pregnant. You might hate me for leaving and maybe she does too but it was the right decision. She should have a mother who loves her.”

Bucky looks back into the shop and his girls had moved to Ori’s chair (probably Ori’s doing to keep Beck off her feet). Ori is snuggled into Y/n’s side with her head resting on Y/n’s stomach reading The Magic School Bus (with Y/n’s help here and there) to the twins while Y/n plays with her hair. He had no idea how Dot could look at that little girl and not have her heart bursting. He didn’t want to admit it to himself or to Dot but she is right. Ori deserves to have a mother who loves her and he’s so grateful she has one of the best.

“Maybe you’re right or maybe you would have been a good mom. We won’t know because you bolted before we could find out.”

Bucky turns around to head inside but stops abruptly. He spins back around and he looks down at her baby bump one last time. He shakes his he and meets her eyes. “Don’t come back here. Stay away from my daughter and my family. Hopefully this family is one worth sticking around for.”

--------

The doorbell chimes through the quiet of the fairly empty store making Y/n sigh. She is so tired and all she wants is her fiance. Y/n looks up to greet whoever came in looking for their next adventure, but to her surprise, it is her fiance. He is wearing a tired smile but he’s smiling brighter the closer he gets to the front desk. Her brows pull together as she glances at the time on the computer. Bucky has been outside talking to Steve for over forty minutes.

That was highly unusual. Bucky was so good about focusing on her and Ori. Once they were all together his phone was down and he only picked up if it was an emergency or had to do with work.

“Well, hello there handsome.”

“Hi, beautiful.” Bucky rumbles as he leans over the counter to peck her lips. “How was today? Have you been on your feet all day?” He asks, brows raised and disappointment seeping into this voice.

“Bucky, I have to work.” She scolds, chuckling softly as she does. Before he can argue she is already making her way around to get a proper kiss, which Bucky gives without hesitation.

“Please, go sit down. For me? I’ll finish inventory and look at that stack of resumes on the counter you have been avoiding even though you said you were going to hire help months ago. When Leopold and Lobe get here things are only going to get crazier. We need to find help now.”

“Those are not the babies' names and I hate interviewing people.” She grumbles with a pout and leans into Bucky’s arms, sighing heavily after he wraps his arms around her letting some of that extra baby weight fall onto Bucky and she quickly realizes how tired she really is.

“I missed you both a lot today and I’m so tired. Just exhausted really and I’m so ready to go home.” She whispers into Bucky’s neck and his arms tighten around her, swaying her back and forth to try and soothe her as best he can in the middle of the store. He wants to tell her to close up early and bring the resumes home so he can call a few to set up interviews but he can’t muster up the words -- he’s frozen.

All because of his past decided to walk back into his life today. The walk he took after Dot left did nothing to help clear his mind or ease the worry that she is going to come back and try to take his baby girl away. He wants to ask what happened when Dot was there with them. He needs to know what she said to Ori and his soon-to-be wife but he doesn’t want to say the words. Y/n is already tired and hurting from being on her feet all day, he won’t overwhelm her with a woman that doesn’t matter.

“Bucky?”

His arms tighten around her as if she is in some sort of trouble and presses a kiss to her forehead. “Yeah? What’s the matter, baby?”

She pulls back and arches her brow. As if she doesn’t know when something is wrong with him and the look on her face says just that. That look finally gets a smile out of the man. “I’m not sure what is wrong but I know something isn’t right. So, how about you tell me what’s wrong, hm?”

Bucky sighs and makes sure Ori is out of earshot in Y/n’s office, she is. She is doing her homework with that bright smile he adores so much. She is humming Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun and letting her feet sway back and forth. Het adores seeing her like that. Happy and content and Beck is to thank for most of that happiness the last two years.

“I’ll tell you about it tonight, but everything is going to be fine. Just a long, long day. Whaddya say after pizza and homework we close up early and go home? I’ll start calling some of those resumes for you and I’m going to have Nat come help you at the store until we hire someone.”

Y/n eyes him for a second longer and then nods her agreement. She’s too tired to fight him tonight and she isn’t going to pass up Bucky handling the interviews. She presses a quick kiss to his lips and whispers against them, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Of course, I’m okay. I’ve got my girls and babies on the way. Everything is just the way it’s supposed to be.”

#bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #fireman!Bucky #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x yn #Firefighter AU #no longer single dad AU #alternate universe

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addictofsupernatural · 4 years

Text

Emotions (pt. 10)

Billy Hargrove x reader

Summary: Billy reevaluates his relationship, and the both of them spiral.

Word Count: 2009

Chapter 1 • Chp. Masterlist • Chapter 11

"I can explain!"

"What the fuck was that?!" Billy yelled, freaked out.

"Billy, please calm down." You felt like you almost couldn't breathe. It felt like panic was taking over you and squeezing your heart. You really wanted to cry. What was this feeling? "Please."

He took some deep breathes and pointed at Neil. "How the fuck did you do that?"

"Please don't freak out–"

"Friends don't lie!" He shouted. You could feel your nose beginning to burn and the stinging in your eyes were starting up. "Tell me the truth!"

"Okay. Okay, um, I have powers. Like, like an ability to do something that, um, regular people can't do."

"You telling me that you're some kind of mutant?" He looked at you with an expression that he's never given you.

"No. I'm not a mutant. I was just born like this. My mother had experiments done on her and she died in labor. I, I just came out with my ability."

"And what the fuck is that ability?"

You've never felt this bad about yourself, you don't think. The way he was speaking to you, looking at you. The love of your life was looking at you like a monster. It was almost too much to handle. "Um, I can alter emotions." You squeaked.

"Emotions?" You nodded, and Billy paced around the room and ran his fingers through his hair. What if you were controlling his feelings? You could knock someone out from sleepiness, so you'd be able to do it, right? Was your whole relationship a lie? "Have you ever used that shit on me?"

"Well, once but it was an acci–"

"Get out."

"Billy I–"

"Get out!" You said nothing as you looked at his angry eyes, and walked out. You walked down the street, sobbing uncontrollably. As you walked towards the woods, it began to pour. You walked over to a telephone pole, and tried to think. Hopper's at work. Who else would you call?

It was about a few minutes until Joyce came rushing with her car. You got from the ground where you were sitting, and got into the car. "Jesus y/n you're soaking. Are you okay?"

As you told her everything she took you home and had you take a shower. She got you comfortably seated on your bed and let you listen to the radio that she got you for your birthday. She was the one who decided when your birthday should be, after all. You felt like a burden right now, and you didn't have to tell her anything for her to say that it wasn't any trouble when it came to you.

El saw this, and called Mike, who called everybody else. Jonathan drove everyone there, and soon they piled up in your room to check up on you. Everyone each got their turn to say something, whether it was helpful or not. "I knew he was a fucking piece of shit from the start." Dustin stated as they all looked at you on your bed.

"Yeah, he was a jerk anyways." Lucas said.

"Like, he just speaks out his ass most of the time." Max commented.

"Don't worry five," Mike said. "We got your back."

Jonathan ushered everybody out to talk to you. He sat on your bed while you still laid there in silence. "I called Steve. Maybe he could cheer you up." You nodded. "How're you feeling?"

"Like a monster." You sat up and rubbed your eyes, which were still puffy and red. "I just wanna be normal."

"You are normal." Jonathan said. "You just have something in you that others don't, but you only use it for good. That just makes you a good person."

"I don't want something extra. It doesn't matter how I use it. I'm either a monster or a freak."

"No, you're just y/n. The one who's always happy and nice to jerks. When I look at you, all I see is my friend." You gently smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"I'm here!" Steve said, storming into your room. "Oh my God, that asshat really did it this time." He rushed over to you, grabbing your arms. "You're not hurt, are you? Your face..." He trailed off, trying to get you to laugh at how puffy your face was.

"Yeah, well you look like you just ran a marathon and I'm not even gonna start about your hair, so I wouldn't be talking." The three of you chuckled. "Thanks for being here guys."

"Your welcome!" Dustin called out from the other room.

"Hey, dickhead, way to ruin the mood!" Steve called out.

Just then Hopper walked into the house, and looked around. "Does anyone wanna tell me why my home is a day care center right now?"

Joyce grabbed her keys with Max trailing behind. "Talk to Jonathan. I'm going to take Max to get her stuff. She's sleeping over with everybody else."

"Every– what is happening?!"

As Jonathan and Steve explained everything that happened, Joyce and Max left. When they stormed inside the house, they saw that Billy had just put Neil on the couch. He looked at Joyce. "Who are you?"

"Who am I? I'm a friend of Hopper, and a friend of y/n buster." Joyce crossed her arms and pointed at him. "C'mon Max, get your stuff."

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Billy took a step towards Max.

"I'm sleeping over at y/n's to make sure she's okay."

"Max, you don't–"

"I know about it all dipfuck!" Max yelled. "About her powers and everything!"

"Yeah!– woah, language." Joyce said.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just cause he, like, really deserves it."

"Well yeah he does deserve it and he is one, but just, y'know."

"Yeah. Totally get it. I'll watch my language next time."

"Max!" Billy yelled, stopping the bickering between the other two. "You knew?!"

"Yeah, I knew. What does that matter? She wouldn't use it for bad things. She's a good person Billy. She's been through enough cra– um, stuff, for her to become, like, a supervillain or something, but she chooses to be nice and better."

"She's admitted to using it on me before though."

"Well did you let her explain the situation?" Joyce asked, causing Billy to fall silent. "Sometimes she gets so full of emotion that it just radiates off of her. She's not used to being so happy, but you wouldn't know that."

"Don't you have kids? You're really okay with them hanging with someone who could toy with them if they wanted to?"

Joyce got close to his face and pushed his shoulder. "I'll have you know that her and her sister were the ones who helped save my son's life. It is not their fault they were born that way, and they just want to be like regular people."

"Her sister..." He trailed off.

El. Billy didn't think about her until now. It actually explained a lot of things. Her lack of speaking fluently. Her shyness. Why she wasn't in school. He thought that she was homeschooled because of past foster parents or something. But it wasn't a foster program. It was a lab. She couldn't even be a kid.

This caused Billy to think differently. He had a soft spot for El, and it made him think about you. You were once like that. You must have struggled to make complete sentences at some point. When he met you, you were pretty shy. You probably didn't know anything about anything in school, and yet somehow caught up and even excelled.

You had to learn everything from the start and work hard because of it, yet you were bullied from it. Unlike El, you didn't really find any die hard friends. You had that one guy, but felt like you couldn't be around his without bothering that girl. And now all Billy did was make you feel a hundred times worse.

"Shit." He muttered.

"Yeah, now you actually start thinking. We're gonna leave you here to think. We gotta go comfort y/n now." Joyce said. "At least Jonathan and Steve are there with her right now."

Steve. He was probably hugging you, maybe making you laugh right now. He could picture the two of you together watching TV as you were snuggled up against him, smiling. And you needed that right now, thanks to Billy. He wasn't the one you were going to right now in your time of need. Damnit.

"Have fun with your guilt asshole." Max flipped him off.

"Max."

"Okay okay. That was the last time, I swear."

As they came back, everybody had situated themselves to where to sleep. All the kids slept in El's room, Hopper insisted Joyce take the bed while he was on the couch, and Steve and Jonathan were on the living room floor, where they had put a bunch of blankets for cushion.

They all let you have your privacy tonight. As you got ready for bed, you grabbed the jean jacket that had been thrown on your chair only a week ago. Billy had forgot it, and when you put it on as a joke, he said that you should have it. That you looked cute in it.

You put it on. It smelled like him, and felt comforting like him. It made you think of the memories you have with him. You could almost feel him brush your hair away from the back of your neck, giving it loving kisses. You could almost smell his cigarettes, when he tried to kiss you, but you were quick enough to dodge it and kiss him on the cheek.

Would any of that have still happened if he had known from the start? Would he had still loved you? Maybe it was really just a lie?

Billy went to his bedroom and opened his bottom drawer. He took out the small teddy bear with a leather jacket on and cigarette in hand, which you called Damien. He opened his top drawer and took out the polaroid pictures of you. Some were just of you smiling, some had the both of you, and some were of you unaware that he was taking pictures. There were also a few naughty polaroids of you, but Billy suddenly felt like he shouldn't be looking at you so exposed, so he put those back.

He laid down on his bed, with the polaroid pictures of you spread out next to him, and with Damien in his arms. He snuggled his head into the bear, and silently cried.

Billy was never really a crier. He would get choked up sometimes when he was being vulnerable with you, but never full on cried. He always had you to make him feel better. You'd clean off the blood from his face, and put some Band-Aids on him. You even bought him a first aid kit for his car. He can almost feel you lean up to kiss his forehead, tracing your thumb over his jaw. He could remember the gentle hugs you gave, so gentle it was almost as if you were afraid to hurt him.

You never messed with his head. If you had then those crappy feelings about himself and his dad would go away, but they never fully did. Even around you, he had some anxiety that he'd mess things up. If you really were controlling him, wouldn't he just have been happy all the time?

It wasn't a lie. You weren't lying.

As you were in your bed and recalled your fond memories with Billy, you decided that this was your fault. You shouldn't have dated in the first place. All you did was drag a good person into your life and issues, and that was selfish of you. Billy would be your one and only love, but you needed to give that up.

As Billy was in his bed and recalled his fond memories with you, he decided that this was his fault. He should have listened more instead of getting angry. All you did was try to be happy with him like a normal couple, and he couldn't see past your flaws. That was selfish of him. You would be his one and only love, and he's not giving that up.

---

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#billy hargrove x reader #billy hargove x reader #billy stranger things #stranger things billy #billy x reader #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargove #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargove imagine #billy hargrove #stranger things fandom #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things

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searchingforbucky · 4 years

Text

The Research Paper ✎

Chapter: The Final Stretch

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: I think theres one curse word, procrastination, panicking, crying, cute Bucky, getting distracted.

A/N: Wow, heres the second chapter of my secret Santa fic! This started as just a fun little story to write, and now its turned into a multi chapter story that I'm having a great time writing, and people are actually liking it? Amazing! This chapter may be a little choppy because of the small time jumps, but I hope its not too bad. Also, I feel like there may not be enough Bucky, if you want more, please let me know! :) thank you all again for reading and sharing your thoughts, I love you all 💖

Series Masterlist

On the first night they met, they set up the details and Y/N gave Bucky the rundown on the assignment. In two weeks, the Friday night before finals week, she has to have a 20 page research paper finished and turned in. It was supposed to be focused on World War 2, she decided to focus on the effects that World War 2 had on the economy and workforce, absolutely the most boring topic she could have chosen. But when you’re faced with a deadline speeding at you full force, you panic and make bad decisions.

After airing all of the unfortunate details of this huge project she’s throwing onto him, he stares at her. He’s got this zoned out look to him, and she’s worried he either wasn’t paying attention, or is thinking of all the ways he can kill Steve for asking this of him.

Suddenly, he gets up. Looks around, and walks away.

‘Oh my god’ y/n thinks to herself. ‘He’s really just up and left. Of course he wouldn’t want to help me with this. I mean, I’m asking for 8 hours of his week, he’s not getting paid, he'd have to help me with a basically impossible task, he'd even have to be spend time with me. God now I have no idea what I’m going to do, I’m gonna fail, and flunk out of college, and have to move home with my parents, and live there forever, and end up dying alo-‘

Her spiraling thoughts were interrupted by Bucky coming back with an overwhelmingly large stack of books. He slams them on the table and gives her a proud smile, unaware of her internal meltdown just seconds before.

“Okay, so here are some books that I know will help us with this. This one is about the rise of Market Competition since World War Two, this one is about the globalization of the world economy, this one is about…”

As Bucky continues to talk about all of his findings she can’t help but to focus on him and not his words. She notices how excited he gets when talking about history, how much knowledge he holds not only about these books themselves but the general subject as a whole. And don’t even get her started about how well he must know the library to know exactly where to go. She focuses in on the sparkle in his eyes, the way the lines coming from the corners only grow as he continues to smile about what he knows. Her eyes move down his smile, the way his pink lips perfectly frame his perfect teeth, lips that look so-

“Does that sound okay?” Bucky asks her, looking at her and waiting for an answer.

The pause in him talking and the feel of his stare pulls him out of her wandering thoughts. It quickly runs through her mind that she really needs to get her brain together and focus more, this is the second time she’s done this in like 10 minutes. And then she realizes she has no idea what he just told her.

“I’m sorry can you repeat that?” She inquired, hoping with all of her might that he doesn’t think she’s past the point of helping.

“I was asking if you’d be able to read at least a skim some of these before we meet tomorrow? Just so you can have a small foundation before we get into the fine details of the books later.” He repeats himself.

“Of course, thank you again James. I can’t even begin to explain how much you are saving me. Really, I wouldn’t even know where to start if it wasn’t for your help.” She tells him genuinely, picking up the books, and putting some in her bag.

“Please, call me Bucky. And it’s no problem. Any time I get to talk about history and have people actually listen is a good time to me.” He reassures her gently.

“Bucky,” she says the name and smiles “I like that. Thank you again, I’ll see you tomorrow night. I’ll read as much of these as I can.”

As she walks away, she peeks one last look over her shoulder at Bucky, both giving each other shy smiles.

After one official meeting, their relationship entered a new stage. Under the pretense of “if you have any questions during the times we’re not together, go ahead and text me..” they exchanged numbers. Bucky's heart was racing for about an hour after he asked successfully without stuttering. Steve would be so proud.

She would text him when she was on her way, or ask if he wanted anything extra from the coffee shop, saying that just a black coffee is gross and he MUST have something to counterbalance the dirt. He would ask her to text when she got home safely, worrying about her walking home in the dark. It was nice. It was becoming a routine neither want to end.

Then, after two more meetings, worried about her progress, and only having about a week left, he suggests meeting every day. Not at the same set times, just whenever they can, in order to make sure she gets the best grade possible. Which is what he convinces himself is why he asks, it’s not that he wants to see her more. Absolutely not. Well… maybe just a little.

The first day of their new schedule they meet at a different time. They both have a break in their classes and work, and they decide to meet in the quad. It’s a nice day out, and according to her, she won’t be able to spend every day in the library without feeling restless.

While waiting at an empty bench, Bucky sees Y/N walk across the lawn. She’s practically being haloed by the sun, Bucky thinks it’s cliche to say she looks kind of ethereal…but it’s not a wrong statement. And he looks a bit further down to see surprisingly that in her hand she carries two bags of food. When she finally reaches him and sets one down in front of him, he thinks he might have fallen in love right then and there.

With that bag of food, a new tradition is created for the next week. Every day, at whatever time of day they can, when they meet, one of them brings food. They both try to convince themselves it strictly a study date, and they both try not to focus too hard on the word “date”.

The fastest way to the heart is through the stomach they say.

It’s 3 days before the paper is due, and Y/N is losing concentration, motivation, and most importantly the ability to not be distracted by the enigma that is Bucky Barnes.

They’re in the library, books sprawled out in front of them. Y/N is typing, while Bucky looks over her notes, making sure what she’s saying is accurate. They sit in a comfortable silence until...

“Alright, I’m done for the night, my ability to withhold anymore information is gone.” Y/N states as she frantically shuts her laptop. Leaning on the table to focus on Bucky.

“Y/N… it’s been 20 minutes.” Bucky chides

“Exactly! Too long, tell me about yourself?”

“Y/N, I really want you to get a good grade on this. My reputation is on the line too you know?” He smirks at her.

She sighs “...fine, how about an hour in, we take a break and you answer my questions!” She tries to bargain.

“You know pretty much everything. You always ask me questions when you’re bored. Besides, there’s not much to know, I’m boring anyways.” He says, getting quieter towards the end.

She stares at him for a second, feeling a small pinch in her heart hearing him say that, “You’re not boring, I think you’re really interesting Bucky. Coolest guy I’ve ever been lucky enough to meet.” She says with a small smile.

Bucky blushes and looks away, “yeah, yeah, just get back to work. No need to butter me up, I’m already helping you.” He jokes, but she can still see the dorky smile he’s trying to hide. He’s not as stealthy as he thinks.

It’s 1 day before the paper is due and Y/N is stressed out. It’s one of those times where the full weight of the situation doesn’t hit you until it’s too late. This is her last year, and if she doesn’t pass this class? She’s screwed. She’s scared. She’s terrified that her lack of planning will lead to her academic downfall. Being one step away from full blown panic, she goes to the person she trusts most. And right now? That’s Bucky. Her knight in shining history books.

She knows he’s working, but she can’t help it. She needs him.

Walking into the library, she sees him. Sitting there, reading at his desk, looking as calm as she’s ever seen him. And she realizes that all she’s done in the past two weeks is stress him out, she can’t do it again, not now. Not when he looks like that, She’s ready to turn around and go have a good cry at home, it helps...honestly, when the man of the hour looks up.

Bucky smiles at her, excited to see her again, when he notices the tears in her eyes. He gets up immediately and walks around his desk to reach her.

When he puts his hands on her shoulders, she breaks. It’s like every mental wall she’s out up to stop herself from losing it just vanishes. She leans into his chest, with her hands covering her face, and he wraps his arms around her and pulls her behind his desk to set her in his chair. While kneeling in front of her, he takes her hands in his, and urges her to look at him

“Hey, sweetheart, what’s wrong. You gotta tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.” He pleads, hating seeing her like this.

“I can’t do it Bucky. It’s too much, it’s never gonna get done, and I can’t do it. I’m just not capable! Even with your help there’s no way I can be saved. I’m hopeless.” She cried through hiccups.

His heart hurt for her. In these past weeks he’s gotten to know her well, he knows how much she cares about her school, and he knows how much this project is worth. He’s not letting this get the best of her. Over his dead body.

“Hey, now you listen to me. You are not hopeless, you are one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, and this paper is not gonna bring you down. We’re almost done, all we need to do is edit and finalize it. That’s it. We have a little over 24 hours, that is completely doable. Don’t doubt yourself. You can do this.” He says while running his thumb over her knuckles soothingly “I’ll tell you what. I get off in 20 minutes, and I don’t have classes tomorrow, so let’s sit down and just blow through this editing. We can knock it out tonight, however long it takes, and then you won’t have to worry about it anymore.”

“I can’t ask you to do that Bucky, it’s not fair to ask even more of you.” She says softly.

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re not asking. Now, I don’t know why you’re sitting there, you still haven’t gotten our ceremonial coffee, and we’re definitely going to need it tonight.” He says with a wink, while walking away to finish all he needs to do before clocking out.

She stands there for a second, smiling to herself, wondering how she got so lucky to be able to know a guy like Bucky Barnes. She needs to thank Steve.

It’s late into the night, morning technically, and the duo are I the 24 hour study room. They’re not alone, there are many other students considering it’s right before finals week. But somehow, in their little corner with coffee, snacks, and a big blanket from Y/Ns car, it feels like they’re the only ones around.

They both have their laptops open, and are going the the document paragraph by paragraph, editing, rewriting, and making sure it flows.

Bucky looks over, getting ready to ask if the sentence should contain a semicolon or a comma when he sees her, cheek against the table, sleeping like she has no care in the world.

He should be mad, irritated that she isn’t up and working like he is. But all he can think is that she looks so beautiful when she’s sleeping. He wonders if they had more time, if they would end up sleeping together…IN A BED, he yells at himself internally. He’s glad she’s not awake, or else she’d see the blush rise on his face, and she wouldn’t let it go unless she knew why it was there.

After staring at her for a few moments longer, trying to memorize her features, he decides to keep working. He’ll work through the night any day if it kept her happy and stress free. It’s only a small price to pay to see her smile.

So he straightens up, steals her coffee, and gets to work. She’s gonna get this A if it kills him.

At 5:37 am Bucky is finished. He’s read that paper at least 3 times, and it’s the best he can get it to be. He hopes that’s enough.

He taps Y/Ns shoulder, and she wakes with a start.

“Wha-what’s up, sorry, fell asleep there for a second. Sorry.” She mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

“Don’t worry, it’s not a big deal. But it’s finished, your paper is officially ready to be turned in.” He says to her with a proud, albeit sleepy smile.

She stares at him in shock “h-how long was I asleep? Bucky you should have woken me up! I feel terrible now!” She exclaims, panicking about him doing so much work while she slept.

“Hey,” he puts his hand on her arm reassuringly, “it’s okay, I chose to do this, and it wasn’t even that much work. All it was, was editing. Besides, you need sleep more than I do. Now, no more apologies, no more feeling bad, let’s turn this baby in and go home and get some real sleep!”

She smiles so large, he can feel it in his own cheeks, and in that moment he knew it was worth it. To see her smile like that, he’d make the same decision every day of his life.

She goes onto her submission portal, drops the file, and presses submit. They both breath a huge sigh of relief. It’s done. Now they can focus on their other classes. Now, now they don’t have to hang out every day. Both deflate a little at the thought.

As she packs up she says, “Thank you so much for helping me Bucky. I owe you so much, I wouldn’t have been able to get this done without you, not by a long shot.”

“You would have been able to do it no problem, you’re not giving yourself enough credit. I just have reassurance, you did all of the work.” He says with a smile as they come to a stop at the door.

As they stand there staring at each other, she takes a deep breath, steeling herself for the next sentence she doesn’t want to say. “Well, thank you again Bucky. You can’t convince me that you didn’t save me… I guess this is it. I won’t need to bother you every day anymore.” She says with a sad smile.

“What if I like you bothering me every day?” He mumbles while looking anywhere but her.

“Well, then expect to see me here Monday on your lunch break, I need someone to make me study for all of my other finals.” She smiles, trying to keep her smile from taking up her whole face, but failing miserably.

“Goodbye Y/N.” He says with a laugh while walking out the door. Smiling like an idiot. He can’t wait for Monday.

A/N: Thank you all for reading!! This is going to have about 2-3 more chapters, and in that time we will learn a little more about Bucky, and maybe even see some....angst? we shall see!

Tags: @bucky-smiles @thebookwormslytherin @rogvewitch @itsametaphorbriansblog @93generation

#the research paper #cmmsecretsanta #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky fic #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky barns imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #college!bucky #college au #searchingforbucky #research paper #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fluff #my writing

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dyingwill · 4 years

Note

hii I was wondering if I could get a poly for hibari and tsuna? I love your writings so much!! Keep up the good work 💕

this 100% turned into a fleshed out fic with reader backstory and not headcanons so ,, idk enjoy, i guess? this very quickly became one of my favourite pieces as i was writing it, so if anyone wants an au or extra content of this au, hmu with your requests.

ALSO ALSO, join the khr 2020 big bang @ khrbb

warnings / notes: death tw (but not a canon character), survivor’s guilt tw, panic attack tw, reader is bisexual, implied biphobia.

They’re both hard to get to know. Hibari, obviously, in the sense that he distances himself from everyone, and the handful of people he interacts with has to tick this mental rubric of standards or else he deems them unworthy of his time.

Tsuna, on the other hand, is so awkward and anxiety-inducing, with friends so loyal that it’s impossible to get to know him without also getting to know his friends. It’s in the act of getting to know Tsuna that you realise how lovable he is. There’s a warmth to him, pulling people into his orbit without even knowing it, and one day you just realise―oh, you like him.

But it’s in this same orbit that you see that it’d be improbable that you’re the only one that likes him. Kyoko’s the school’s idol, the prettiest girl in class and no matter how much she insists she’s friends with everyone, there’s no way that Tsuna himself doesn’t have a crush on her. And technically, you don’t blame him. Then there’s Yamamoto himself, who’s the captain of the baseball team, surrounded by so many people willing to be his friend and more. And yet, all Yamamoto is interested in doing is hanging out with Tsuna and their shared friends.

Maybe you can at least find comfort in the fact that Hibari is the only person that seems to not care, but that’s mostly due to the fact that he rarely cares about the social lives of Namimori students.

But it’s cute, you think, that this group of people have made bonds so deep. There’s always the feeling that you’re missing out on something in the times that you hang out with them; like they’re keeping something from you. You brush it off as how long they’ve been friends for; it’s no secret that Tsuna is still one of the most unpopular kids, despite the people he surrounds himself with. There’s bound to be inside jokes or friendships that you can’t even begin to broach, seeing as you haven’t known him for as long as they have.

Kyoko, with her open and kind heart, consistently makes sure she keeps you near her whenever you hang out with the group; looping her arm through yours as you walk together, sitting next to you, involving you in conversations to make sure you’re not left out.

Tsuna and Hibari have some kind of understanding; it can’t really be called a friendship, can it? Hibari respects Tsuna’s strength; Tsuna basically idolises and is intimidated by Hibari’s power. And really, who can blame him?

You have no idea when it started, but Hibari calls Tsuna ‘little animal’. Everyone knows that Hibari is fond of his animal-like categorisation for people―herbivores or carnivores. And yet, Tsuna is the only one that gets the little animal nickname.

And, well, Hibari is especially fond of little animals, as seen by his tenderness for Hibird so you don’t think it’s too surprising that you come to the realisation that maybe Hibari could have a crush on Tsuna.

God, if Hibari’s the one that has a crush on Tsuna, you know you should nip your feelings right now. There is no way that you could even compete. Not that you were ever a candidate in Tsuna’s eyes, you think.

So you spend your time burying your feelings and trying to get Hibari and Tsuna together. You’ve built enough of a rapport with Tsuna that it’s not unusual for you to hang out with Tsuna or talk to him on your own. You notice that whenever you want to talk with Tsuna, Kyoko gives you a bright smile and shepherds Gokudera and Yamamoto away with Ryohei’s help.

Tsuna’s almost always a flustered mess whenever you ask about Hibari, and that brings you to the conclusion that they both have crushes on each other. Your plan will probably crawl at a snail’s pace, but you think it’d be worth it in the end.

Tsuna, on the other hand, has the realisation that you’re the one that likes Hibari. For weeks, now, you’ve hung out with Tsuna. He appreciates how open you’ve been compared to how shy you were when you started hanging out with them, but you spend a lot of the time trying to redirect his attention to Hibari. So then, Tsuna, being the good friend that he is, conjures up a plan to get you and Hibari together. He seeks out Yamamoto’s and Kyoko’s advice, keeping the situation hypothetical and vague, seeing as he doesn’t want to accidentally embarrass you if you’re not ready to confess.

With the both of you running two separate plans and involving Hibari, it doesn’t take him long to figure out something is afoot. He doesn’t know the specifics, but the amount of times a flustered Tsuna appears and rambles through his invitation to hang out with the group at lunch is enough to make Hibari show up uninvited, if only to spare Tsuna the constant blustering. Tsuna gets a relieved smile every time he sees Hibari, and you tell yourself that feeling in your chest is happiness―you should be happy that Tsuna is happy.

In the very least, the beginnings of the plan are awkward. You make plans to meet up with Tsuna outside of school and (not so) subtly ask about Hibari. Tsuna readily agrees to ask Hibari if he has any time to spare. Hibari outright refuses the first couple of times, and while Tsuna almost resorts to begging, the first couple of outings are just you and Tsuna. You could almost convince yourself that you’re dating, if not for the constant reminder that this boy you have a crush on does not like you.

It’s after the seventh or eighth time that Tsuna asks that he suggest you try asking Hibari. After all, Tsuna is very much getting a negative response. So you do.

“Come on. Please? It’ll make Tsuna very happy,” you say.

“Why do you care about Tsunayoshi?”

You shrug. “We’re all friends. Plus, the two of you are really important to each other, right?”

Hibari narrows his eyes at you as soon as important comes up, but you keep up that clueless, innocent act. “Fine,” he huffs.

You smile at him. “Thank you!” You end up getting his number in your phone so you can text him the details of the meetup. You’re quick to also send his contact details to Tsuna.

The first couple of actual three-people meetup is… well. Clumsy. Hibari had shown up because he was invited. Tsuna is a very non-sociable person, only because he spent most of his childhood running from people rather than befriending them. You try, at the very least. But you’re not Yamamoto or Kyoko, so you don’t have an ability to put everyone at ease and make social interactions a not-awkward thing.

After you establish a routine of going out with the two of them over the weekends, you finally send them a text in your group chat telling them that you’ll have to miss out on one of your planned meetups because you’re sick. It’s been long enough that they two of them should be able to get along, you think.

Instead, the two of them show up at your place and you tell your mother to tell them that you’re sick and should remain resting. It’s not hard to convince her that you’re not feeling well, seeing as there’s something twisting in your stomach, your face not quite ready to pretend to smile.

When you show up to school on Monday, Tsuna is quick to shove homemade soup in your hands, red-faced as he tells you Nana made it when he told her that you were sick. He’s glad you’re feeling well enough to show up to school.

Hibari, on the other hand, tells you that if you’re still sick, you should take the day off, seeing as he doesn’t want the rest of the students to get sick and deal with mass absences.

“That… wasn’t very nice,” Tsuna says.

“It wasn’t supposed to be.”

You laugh at them. “Thank you,” you tell them both. “We should share the soup.”

Tsuna looks like he’s about to interject, so you pull your best begging eyes.

“Please? I don’t think I can finish this all anyway.”

Tsuna gets red but agrees. “We probably can’t go up to the roof, though,” he mumbles.

You’re about to ask why when you remember you’re supposed to be sick. “We can eat in Hibari’s office, then.” You turn to him.

Hibari says nothing, opting to head for the office that he’s claimed for himself. It’s when he’s stopped by the end of the hallway, looking over his shoulder to the both of you that you realise he’s waiting for you to follow him. Grinning, you grab Tsuna’s wrist and follow Hibari.

It’s around here that you’ve realised you’re in trouble. Somewhere, in the middle of your plan to get Tsuna and Hibari together, you’ve managed to not only fail to bury your feelings for Tsuna, you’ve also developed feelings for Hibari.

You want to see your plan through, but on the other hand, you don’t want to deal with this. The decision is taken out of your hands, really, when your parents decide to move out of Namimori. It’s over the school break―your mother got a new job closer to the city. There’s a part of you that knows your parents had always wanted to move, but you forgot about it. You send a text to everyone, letting them know that you’ll have to leave.

Tsuna’s the one that suggests one last meeting the day before you leave―a mini-picnic under a tree. Hibari doesn’t come, and some part of you is disappointed. Tsuna looks so too, seeing as he frowns at his phone at regular intervals. Another part of you knows that Hibari would avoid crowds.

Amidst the goodbyes of everyone promising they’ll keep in touch despite the distance, you feel like you could fool yourself into thinking that it’s just a regular day where you’re hanging out, until you try to direct your gaze to quiet areas, looking for a lone figure to give him a smile; a teasing look; something to remind him that despite his distance, you haven’t forgotten he’s here.

It’s when the picnic is wrapping up and most of the others head off, when the sun is setting that Hibari comes.

“I told you to stop texting me, little animal,” Hibari says.

Tsuna, predictably, yelps in surprise, phone slipping out from clumsy fingers.

You can’t help the fond smile, still sat on the picnic blanket, watching the sky turn into a deep red.

“Sorry! I just didn’t want you to miss out!” Tsuna says, retrieving his phone.

The three of you spend a couple more hours together. After you’ve helped pack up the blanket into the basket, Tsuna insists on walking home together, and you can’t really find it in yourself to decline, wanting to soak up your time together. Tsuna’s the first house that you reach, and it’s when you see the mailbox that you’ve seen Yamamoto and Gokudera hang around so many times before that you realise this might be the last time you see this―see him.

“Wait,” you say, and you instinct grab onto his wrist. Hibari’s standing further away, back turned towards the two of you.

Even in the soft glow of the streetlamp, you don’t see Tsuna blush. “Yeah?”

You slide your hand down his wrist, intertwining your fingers. “I’m glad we were friends,” you tell him, smiling, despite feeling like crying.

“I’m glad too,” he says. The fact that he looks like he’s about to cry as well makes you laugh a little, cheeks lifting up to squeeze unbidden tears out.

He reaches his other hand out to wipe them away, and you both draw close enough, looking at each other. Waiting, maybe.

“Goodbye, Tsuna,” you say.

Hibari walks you the rest of the way home.

“Thanks for walking me,” you tell him. You give him a hug, and one of his arms very gently comes up to your back. Like everything about Hibari, it feels comforting, like safety surrounds you.

It’s when you’re in the car heading out that you text Hibari: i think you and tsuna would be good together, btw

What? comes his reply.

i had a plan! i can’t really meddle anymore but do me a favour and at least don’t stop being friends with tsuna just because we can’t hang out anymore

Hibari’s icon tells you that he’s typing, but it disappears after a drawn out moment. This is the last time you text each other privately; he responds in the group chats with Tsuna there.

Your friendship with the others, including Tsuna, lasts a little longer. But despite the promise made by a group of highschoolers, you lose contact with all of them, eventually. Kyoko is the only one that occasionally checks in with you, and you with her.

―――

It’s been years. You’ve built a life away from childhood innocence. But it’s crumbled around you after a car accident; it’s been almost a month and you don’t think you can face the reminders in the city anymore.

You find yourself moving back to Namimori. There are bruises on your body that will fade in time, but the marks on your soul are there forever, you think. Guilt carves scars into your flesh; surgery completed to save you—you know that if you had even been remotely awake in the aftermath, you would have insisted the paramedics attend to your fiancée first.

It’s by chance that you even meet Tsuna again. You’re at the local supermarket, texting Kyoko to let her know that you’re back in Namimori when you literally bump into him. The contents in your shopping basket jostle against each other.

“Oh no, are you okay?” you ask. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“I’m―okay. It’s okay.”

“Sorry,” you say, hoping that your face isn’t red.

“It’s okay.”

You give an embarrassed smile, about to walk away in the hopes of ending the interaction so you can kick yourself for your awkwardness.

“Wait,” he says, almost reaching out to stop you, but refraining himself. His arm returns to his side, expression sheepish. “Are you―did you used to live here? Like, a long time ago?”

Your heart feels like it’s in your throat. “Yeah,” you answer, “I did. I went to Namimori High until senior year.”

“I don’t know if you remember but I’m―”

“Of course I remember you, Tsuna.” And how could you not, with the warmth in his eyes at that fluffy hair that doesn’t seem to have gotten any tamer.

Tsuna looks a little surprised, like he hadn’t been expecting to hear his name coming out of your mouth. “Oh. I’m glad you remember.” He smiles at you, bright and disarming.

“I’m glad you remembered me too.”

You part ways, after he says you should meet up with everyone else. You agree, but you’re partly wary that it’ll be like that long forgotten high school promise.

Tsuna doesn’t forget. He makes plans with Kyoko and you find out that the group never really strayed too far from one another. There are a few people you haven’t seen before, like a man with dark blue hair and a woman with purple hair. The woman is quick to introduce herself as Chrome; the man as Mukuro, but the man himself remains quite distant from the others, despite the social gathering.

You’re standing a little to the side yourself, pretending to browse through the selection of snacks on the side-table when, “This party is supposed to be for you.”

You startle a little, looking to the side to see Hibari. Grinning a little, you laugh self-consciously. “Sorry. But hey, you’re here. Fairing a little better with crowds?”

“I still hate them,” he deadpans.

Your smile turns a little more genuine. “Good to know some things never change, no matter how long it’s been.”

He gives you a look you can’t really decipher, but you brush it off.

The next time you see them again is a couple weeks down the line, once you’ve resettled into life at Namimori. You’ve all been keeping regular contact, revitalising your old group chats with the others.

Once you feel like you’ve settled, you visit the city again. The only reason you come back is the cemetery; staring at the tombstone, placing flowers alongside bouquets that her family have already placed. Her family had shared nothing but condolences with you, but you felt this horrible twisting feeling inside, like you hadn’t deserved their pity and tears. You deserved condemnation, you think, because it should have been you.

You’re heading home, heading to the mall when you meet Tsuna, and it’s something in the tremulous smile you give him that makes him ask if you want to hang out with everyone else.

Home, instead of living with Nana, is a place he shares with his friends, now. Kyoko gives you the brightest smile and the biggest hug, and something about her kindness makes you tear up―despite her being the only one you talked to, you hadn’t told her about the car accident. And yet, here she was.

“It’s okay,” she whispers, cupping your face in her hands, dabbing at your tears with the ends of her sleeve. “You’re home.”

Tsuna keeps a hand to the small of your back, almost touching but not quite as he takes you around the house, giving you a tour and reintroducing you to everyone. You’re hit in the face of how much time has passed when you see Lambo and I-pin.

You meet the man in the suit who was at the party, and he looks at you so calculatingly; Reborn’s dark eyes makes you think he knows something, and it makes you uncomfortable being in his presence.

It’s later that night, when you’re not quite ready to go home and Tsuna isn’t quite ready to let you go either. You’re both sitting on the couch, your head resting on his shoulder, eyes starting to droop despite the television playing in front of you.

You manage to fall asleep, and the injection of Hibari’s voice in the quiet atmosphere makes you stir a little. You keep your eyes closed, figuring out that you’re now laying on your side, head in Tsuna’s lap. His fingers are in your hair, playing with the strands.

He murmurs something to Hibari, and you hear him draw closer, fingers brushing over the blanket that’s covering your legs. “Did you say anything about…?”

Tsuna sighs, fingers tightening in your hair. “Not yet.”

“When will you?”

“Does it have to be me?”

“You expect me to talk?”

Tsuna chuckles softly. “Fair point. Wait, are you going to bed?”

Hibari hums. “I’m tired.”

“C’mere.” There’s a rustling of fabric, a silence, then a quiet, “Good night, Kyoya.”

“Good night, little animal.” His voice is so close to where Tsuna is.

You forget about this interaction, because the next time you wake up, it’s early morning and you’ve somehow appropriated Tsuna’s personal space, lying on top of him. You try to move off but Tsuna’s arm tightens around you, mumbling something and turning the both of you so you’re pressed between the back of the couch and him, face buried in your neck as he breathes.

You wake up again to an empty couch, the blanket tucked around you. Kyoko’s the first to notice that you’re awake, and she tells you that she already went and bought basic toiletries for you in the main bathroom. “You can stay here if you want,” she says. “It’s Tsuna’s place but everyone basically lives here now.” She shows you the bathroom, lending you someone’s clothes she’s grabbed from one of the rooms.

You’re back in the kitchen when you’re reminded of Hibari’s and Tsuna’s interaction last night; Tsuna has his face pressed into Hibari’s back, whining his displeasure and Hibari doesn’t look anywhere near annoyed. Instead, Hibari takes a mug of coffee that Gokudera has placed down on the counter, turning to give it to Tsuna.

“Thanks,” Tsuna mumbles, wincing slightly when Hibari threads his fingers through Tsuna’s hair, tugging.

You smile at the sight of them, because there’s that younger self in you that had wondered if they ever did anything after you told Hibari. You turn your attention away before you get caught by either of them, graciously accepting another coffee that Gokudera gives you.

“Do you have any plans?” Kyoko asks.

You don’t, not right now, but you find that you don’t want to let yourself have this small piece of happiness. It’s not what you deserve. “I have to get home,” you say.

“Do you need a ride? I can get my brother to take you.”

“Yeah,” Ryohei agrees from where he’s sitting by the counter, throwing a thumbs-up in your direction.

But you’ve already flinched at the mention of getting a ride, fingers automatically feeling the rings on your necklace, hidden under the shirt you’re wearing. “No, it’s okay,” you say, giving Kyoko a smile. “I can walk. Thank you, though.” Finding your coat and shoes by the front door, you leave.

In the next few days, you use your spare time alternating between your apartment and travelling to the cemetery. You rely solely on public transport, your fingers subconsciously playing with your rings for the duration of the ride. You’ve made it a routine before you cross paths with Hibari as you’re leaving your street to get to the bus stop. He keeps pace beside you.

“Are you following me?” you ask him.

“I’m patrolling.” But he stays next to you, waiting until the bus comes before he leaves. It becomes a pattern, then a habit, then you tell him that he’s allowed to wait for you at your apartment. He insists he’s only patrolling, but the next day, Tsuna’s the one that shows up at your front door, and when you make it past the block, Hibari joins the both of you.

You fall into another routine, and you find yourself spending more time at Tsuna’s place than your own. You realise Kyoko wasn’t kidding when she said that everyone else basically lived here too.

It’s almost a year later, on the day that should have been your wedding that you make it to the cemetery alone. You usually keep a schedule, going on the same time and the same day to keep the routine with Tsuna and Hibari. But today falls on a different day. It starts with showers, and some part of you wondered how your fiancée would have reacted to the dismal weather on a day that was supposed to be joyous. You don’t know how long you stay there for, talking to her like she is still your best friend, relaying every anxious thought, every insecurity, and fear for a future without her.

You get a call from Tsuna, asking where you are. “I’m out,” you answer.

“Are you ready to come home?”

“Yeah. I’ll be back in an hour. Maybe more.” You hear the rain fall harder.

“Where are you? I can come pick you up.”

“No.” Your heart stutters at the thought of getting into a car again. “I’m fine.”

“It’s raining,” he tries to reason.

“I’d have to wait for you to come, anyway,” you say. “It’d take longer.” You’re already leaving the gates. “I’m fine, Tsuna.”

When you get back, the rain’s picked up and Tsuna’s letting you know that he’s parked at the train station so you don’t have to take a bus. Everything in you wants to sneak away to the bus and tell him that you got his message when you were already on the road, but you get the feeling he’d know you lied, even if you weren’t face-to-face.

So you gather your nerves, and force a smile, “Thanks for picking me up.” You really do try, but it’s the first time you’ve been in a car, and you try to take solace in the fact that you’re not behind the wheel this time; that Tsuna is and you trust him and he’s safe and warm, but isn’t that what your fiancée thought of you?

Tsuna says your name, one of his hands reaching for yours, gripping the side of the seat you’re on, but as soon as he makes contact, you pull your hand away like you’ve been burned.

“Don’t,” you say, forcing your eyes to focus on the glove compartment. In, two, three, four, out, two, three, four. “Please just drive,” you manage in between your breaths.

You barely make it to Tsuna’s place. As soon as the car stops, you’re out, going through the front door. Pressing a hand to your lips, you toe off your shoes, trying to avoid brushing against people to head up the stairs to the guest room that’s essentially being turned into your room.

You take off your jacket, scrabbling at the scarf. Your breathing hastens when you struggle, feeling too shaky and confined and trapped and hot, despite the fact that you’re still wet from the rain outside.

You end up yanking the scarf over your head, thinking you hear it rip. You sit with your back against the foot of the bed, knees up. Five things you can see—the wall, the carpet, the window to the side; how many have you’ve numbered? Three? Four?

Start again—one, the wall; two, the window; three, the dresser.

It’s not working, you think, and you can’t even do something as simple as breathing right and God, it should’ve been you, it should’ve been you. You crawl to the bathroom, shedding your shirt. Raising yourself to your knees, you turn on the tap, adjusting it to cold water as you try to breathe with your head next to the stream of water. Tight grip adorn the edges of the sink.

Someone tries to touch you.

You brush them off, flinching to the side, away from the sink. “No, no, don’t touch me.”

Tsuna crouches in front of you, moving closer.

“Don’t. Just—” You move further away, until your back is against the bathtub, and your knees are to your chest again and your head against it. “Just stay there,” you say.

He doesn’t try to move closer, but he doesn’t leave either.

Under your breath, you go acknowledge your surroundings starting with five, ending it by assigning the coffee you had in the morning the one thing you can still taste.

Tsuna stays there, until your breathing calms down and your loosen your fingers and there are half-moons imprinted onto your palms.

“I’m sorry,” you say.

“Can you breathe?” he asks.

You lift your head, grabbing at the discarded shirt to wipe your tears and snot. “Yeah.”

“You should get some rest. You’re tired.” Tsuna slowly rises to his feet, hesitating. “Can I touch you?”

You nod, grabbing his outstretched hand when he offers and he pulls you up. He gently guides you out of the bathroom to the bed where he sits you down. “I’m sorry,” you repeat.

“Your pants are wet,” he says.

“It’s fine.”

“You’ll get sick if you sleep in it.”

So you take them off, folding it in half and placing it on the hand he reaches out. You move under the blankets, and Tsuna sits, his weight dipping the side of the bed.

“I’m sorry,” you say again.

“It’s okay,” he says, but you shake your head, feeling tears well in your eyes. Tsuna reaches out, but he hesitates, pulling his arm back and you feel even more horrible. “I’ll stay until you fall asleep,” he offers.

You swallow thickly, wiping the tears as you nod.

The next morning, the first thing you do when you groggily wake is touch the rings on your necklace. Except they’re not there—the chain isn’t either. You spring up, feeling under the pillows and blankets. Too involved in searching, you don’t notice the door open, nor the person walking in until a hand closes around your shoulder, stilling you.

Hibari moves his hand down to yours, flipping it over and dropping something in it. You look—the necklace.

“You broke the chain yesterday,” he says. “Tsuna took Lambo and I-pin to get a new one for you. He left it on the table.”

“Thank you.” You avoid his gaze, leaning your head forward as your clasp it around your neck, feeling the two rings between your thumb and forefinger and it settles on your chest. “Is… Tsuna okay?”

“Yes.” He pauses. “Are you?”

Drawing your knees closer to your chest, you pull the blankets up. “I think.”

“You’re cold.”

You look down at your arms, goosebumps rising on naked flesh. You went to bed almost naked; of course you’re cold. “I’m… gonna take a shower.” Because you distinctly remember your hair still damp with rainwater as you slept.

Hibari stands from the bed, letting you escape to the bathroom. When you come out again, he’s gone, but there’s new clothes already laid out for you. Once changed, you make sure the necklace is under your shirt and head downstairs. It’s quiet ambiance, despite the people still scattered around the kitchen.

Chrome slides a plate of fruits in your direction, and Gokudera places a mug of coffee next to it. Hibari swaps out the coffee for tea.

“Who’s going to drink the coffee, then?” Gokudera grouses.

“I don’t know. Find someone to drink it before Lambo does.”

Gokudera glares at Hibari with no heat behind his eyes, grabbing the now abandoned mug of coffee. “I try to do one nice thing,” he mutters.

“Thanks, Gokudera,” you say.

“No, not you. You’re fine. This one—” He jabs a finger into Hibari’s chest “—needs to learn some manners before I beat him up.”

“Something tells me you’ll beat him up anyway.” Yamamoto takes a grape from your plate.

“That’s not for you,” Chrome says, swatting his hand away too late.

You push the plate a little closer to Yamamoto in silent permission.

Yamamoto grins, sticking his tongue out at Chrome.

Chrome’s mouth falls open, rounding her gaze onto you. “This is betrayal. You’ve enabled him.”

“Ha! Takeshi thinks I can beat you up,” Gokudera says to Hibari.

“You can certainly try,” Tsuna butts in, leaning across the counter to grab at the spare coffee that Gokudera has.

“Oho,” Chrome nods, “now that’s betrayal.”

“Yeah, of course you’d be the first one to defend him.” Gokudera keeps the coffee away from Tsuna in retaliation.

“He doesn’t need defending,” Tsuna says.

“I don’t need defending,” Hibari says at the same time.

“It’s okay, Gokudera,” you console. “It’s only because they’re fucking.” Picking up your tea, you raise it to take a sip.

Chrome’s false surprise morphs into a real expression of shock, while Gokudera sputters. Yamamoto rests his head into the crook of his elbow on the counter and laughs, the sound muffled.

“I’m sorry, was that supposed to be a secret?” you ask, not at all apologetic as you compose your best neutral look, glancing between Tsuna and Hibari. You grab the plate of fruits with your other hand. “I’ve been here almost a year. I have eyes. And ears.” You scrunch your nose.

Yamamoto laughs louder. It’s his laughing that makes your composure break, not that it was very well structured to start with—Tsuna’s face is very very expressive and bewildered at this point. You chuckle, shuffling into the living room to settle onto the couch.

“Hey,” you greet Lambo, who’s sprawled over the furniture, blanket covering his body. “What’re we watching?”

Lambo scrambles for the remote, keeping it near him. “Dunno. Was just channel surfing. This looked interesting.”

You hum in agreement, popping a cubed mango in your mouth. “You want some?”

“No, thanks. I already ate.”

I-pin finds her way onto the couch, snuggling against you. “Hey,” you say softly, and she leans forward to place the fruits onto your lap so it’s in closer reach. “Both of you helped pick out my necklace, right?” you ask.

I-pin hums in answer.

“I really like it,” you say. “Thank you.”

“S’was just a chain,” Lambo says, cheek pushed into the arm of the couch. Like he’s remembered something, he sits up. “Hey, what were the rings for?”

“Lambo.” I-pin stretches her leg out to kick him.

“No, it’s okay,” you placate, running your fingers through her hair. Looking at Lambo, you smile gently, not wanting him to feel bad for asking. “I was engaged to someone. I was supposed to get married yesterday,” you tell him.

“What happened?” he asks, his voice a little softer now, leaning closer a little.

“There was a car accident. She didn’t make it out alive.”

I-pin tightens her arm around you. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

Maybe it doesn’t erase all the pain, but just by volunteering a little bit of information, it makes it easier to breathe.

What you don’t know, is that Tsuna does his research into the grounding technique you used; he makes sure the other Guardians know so that they have the knowledge on hand in case you have an attack in their presence.

―――

You stir.

“Shh, it’s okay.” Tsuna’s placed you onto your bed, having decided to move you when you fell asleep on the couch. He leans away, about to leave but you reach, fingers barely grasping his stray ones but he stops like the touch is more than just brief contact.

“Stay,” you murmur, and you look at the door to see Hibari standing there. “You too.” Your flash of confidence dwindles in the silence, and you retract your hand back under the covers. “It’s fine—”

But Hibari’s wordlessly moving, closing the door to your room and Tsuna’s lifting the covers to let himself in. Hibari rounds the other side of the bed, tucking himself in behind you.

You breathe, slow, steadying, falling asleep with the comfort of them around you. When you next wake, Hibari’s arm is around your middle, puffs of hot air against the back of your neck; Tsuna’s face is tucked to your neck, his hair almost in your face, an arm lazing next to Hibari’s, hand splayed on the side of your thigh.

Hibari wakes—you feel him shift, pulling you closer, sliding his leg between yours. A part of you wonders if he’s forgotten where he is, and another part of you hopes he remembers and he doesn’t care anyway. He moves his hand to join Tsuna’s on your thigh, and yep, he remembers.

You feel your breath catch in your throat, heat flushing your face.

“Is this okay?” he asks, his voice throaty and low and hoarse and it shouldn’t do things to you but it does.

“Mm-hmm,” you answer, not trusting your voice. You feel his lips grin against the skin of your neck.

“Go back to sleep.”

“Don’t you have things to do?”

He hums in confirmation, but doesn’t move.

After this, the three of you start sleeping in the same bed more. Almost every night, they come into your room and you fold back the blankets for them. It doesn’t move much from lingering touches, heat left behind. You don’t know what to call it and they seem content to let whatever this is move at the pace that’s already been set.

―――

You’re at the hill, under the tree, a slowly setting sun painting the sky orange. It’s an outing between the three of you, reminiscent of the ones from high school.

“How’d you know?” Tsuna asks.

You play with the fraying edges of the blanket, laid on your back; Tsuna’s next to you, and Hibari’s next to him. “It was a feeling,” you say, “I got when I was with her.” You’ve been more free with the information about her, more open about talking about her now.

“What was it like?”

You chuckle, embarrassed. You sit up, shifting a little so your back is to them, curling your knees up like it’d make you smaller in your moment of vulnerability. “Like in high school,” you admit softly, “when it was the three of us. I didn’t know it was the same feeling until I was with her, but we weren’t—I’d already moved away and I thought…” You huff out a breath, hearing your voice become quieter. “I remember thinking that I didn’t want to lose her too.”

Hearing Tsuna shift to sit up, you hunch further, hugging your legs. He says your name, and you feel the heat of his body getting closer. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. When he places a hand on your shoulder, you unfurl your arms and he laces your fingers together.

“I still think it should have been me.”

And Tsuna knows, because accidents like this never leave people; he sees it in Gokudera and Chrome and now in you.

“Then you wouldn’t be here,” Hibari says from behind you.

You smile self-deprecatingly. If you were looking, you’d see the furrow between Tsuna’s brows because he’s well-acquaintanced with that expression. “Would you even know?” you ask. Drawing your hand away from Tsuna’s, you let your knees drop, maneuvering yourself to sit cross-legged instead. “Thirteen months ago we weren’t even talking,” you shrug. “And that’s okay. We both moved on, at that point. Maybe Kyoko would have known and that would have been it.”

“And your fiancée.”

“She had her family.”

“You don’t?”

You look down. “They—uh, my parents—they didn’t exactly like my dating choices when I was in university. I tried to come out to them—with my partner at the time and it didn’t work out. I didn’t even tell them I was getting married; and they still don’t know about the accident. I don’t even remember if she ever met them.”

Tsuna lets out a heavy exhalation and you look up at him. There’s sadness in his eyes and the sky is darkening; there’s guilt in yours. “C’mere,” he says, soft. He reaches for your hand and pulls you towards him and you go, letting him rearrange you on his lap, legs on either side of his waist as he rests your foreheads together. “None of this is your fault.”

You shake your head, fingers gripping the front of his shirt.

“And I know it’s selfish, but I’m glad you’re still here with us.” Tsuna cups your face with his hands. “Can we kiss you now?”

You blink, drawing back as much as you can with his hands still on your face. “What?”

“Can we kiss you now?” he says slowly.

You bring a widened gaze over Tsuna’s shoulder to Hibari. We, Tsuna said.

“Answer the question,” is all Hibari gives you, eyes dark and studious and hiding something predatory.

Tsuna snorts, one of his hands trailing down your neck, his thumb brushing against your jaw. He says your name as the question instead.

You look back at him, swallow thickly. You wet your lips and his eyes follow the quick movement. “Yes,” you breathe, leaning forward to press your lips together. How many times, you think, have you thought about this when you were in high school? When it was you were on the roof, when you had your picnics, when you were in Hibari’s office, pretending to be sick?

Tsuna’s the one to open his mouth, tongue and wet and heat and saliva; his fingers trailing, moving. One of his hands finds themselves under your shirt, thumb kneading flesh and you can’t help the gasp, shivering a little. Tsuna draws back, ducking his face into the crook of your neck, openmouthed kisses leaving goosebumps.

You barely have time to catch your breath, to look at Hibari’s direction before he too claims your lips. It’s like you’re overheating, caught between the two of them; Hibari doesn’t try to ease you into it, nipping slightly at your bottom lip while Tsuna’s other hand slips under your shirt, moving upwards to your chest. Your sharp intake of breath lets Hibari lick into your mouth, tongue pushing against yours. Hibari has a hand in your hair, tugging your head back.

The sound you make—Tsuna huffs a laugh against your ear, grazing your earlobe, making you shiver. It’s like he’s made it a mission to find every sensitive area on your body; his fingers are skating across the goosebumped skin of your chest, thumb brushing over a nipple, pausing just to take in your reaction.

Your legs tighten around Tsuna’s waist, Hibari swallowing aborted moans as he takes your air, thumb pressed against the pulse of your neck.

Hibari pulls back and you can’t stop the whine, trying to reach out to pull him back by the tie but Tsuna grabs ahold of your wrist to stop you.

“You whine more than Tsuna.” Hibari sounds amused.

You flush, leaning forward into Tsuna’s chest to hide your face.

Tsuna hums. “We should get back home,” he says.

Hibari stands, taking your hand and Tsuna lets your wrist go so Hibari can pull you up. You walk back in the night, both of them on either side.

#1827 #khr imagines #khr scenario #hibari kyoya #tsuna sawada #sawada tsunayoshi #tsunayoshi sawada #1827 x reader #katekyo hitman reborn #reborn!#khr #tsuna.#hibari.#polyship #anonymous

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