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andhumanslovedstories · 4 months

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Hey so your post about pain management as a bedside nurse is so important to my own nursing practice that I've considered printing it out so I can have it to hand all the time. So thanks for that. Also, how do you deal with assignments that are busy enough that pain management is harder than it should be? I'm coming up on two years as a nurse and I feel like I take it personally when I am too busy to adequately manage my patients pain. I'm also coming from a newly unionized hospital where the ratios are still horrendous (I do 1:10 on med surg) and I'm hoping once we can enforce our staffing grids it'll be better but idk I'm burning out and I love my job so much and I really respect your nursing philosophy? I guess. Sorry for the word vomit it's been a crazy shift.

I've been trying to think of how to answer this since I got it. It's just such a horrendous ratio. With ten patients a shift, that's like six minutes an hour for each in a fantasy world where there's no charting and everything is exactly where you need it to be. I feel like I don't have great insight into this because the most med surg patients I've had assigned is five. Ten patients to one nurse is just a raw deal for everyone. Like christ no wonder you feel like you're burning out! I'll give you what thoughts I have and hopefully other people can chime in if they have suggestions. But that's such a hard patient load.

When I've been super swamped, I've found that's when being really explicit about your thinking with the patient helps. Like if I have to dash into a room and then dash back out, I'll make sure the board is updated with the next medication time and that the patient knows when the medication is going to kick in. I'll also provide call light parameters. I have a lot of success telling people, "the med should be doing something by 5:30. If I haven't checked in with you by then, and the pain is unchanged or barely changed, hit your call light and we'll try the next step. Also hit your call light if you feel any sudden change, like now you're nauseated or you have a headache or the type of pain changes or something just feels very wrong. Is there anything you need before I step out of the room?"

I like to be explicit about when to call me because I think there's two directions call light usage can go wrong: someone calls all the time, or someone never calls. With someone who calls all the time, I find that telling them when I'll be back and that I want them to call me if I'm not takes away some of that anxiety that can causes some people to call frequently. Often those patients are afraid that if they aren't on the call light, they're gonna get ignored.

For the other type of patient, the one that doesn't call, I want to make explicit that it's GOOD AND NORMAL TO CALL YOUR NURSE WHEN YOU HAVE SYMPTOMS. We've all had that patient at the end of shift who goes, "btw the gnawing pain in my leg is now a 10/10" and you're like "what gnawing pain sir?? you've literally never mentioned it before now?? I don't have any meds for that lemme page super quick????" These patients can get into pain crises easily because they don't ask for help until something is unbearable. In addition to pain crisis bad, it takes a lot more time to deal with something unbearable than it does to deal with something uncomfortable.

On that note, are you spending your very limited time efficiently? To me, that actually means spend more time talking with patients, at least up front. Manage expectations, make sure people know what to expect. Having conversations with patients that are like, "You just had surgery, it's not gonna happen that we get you completely painless. We want to get you to a manageable pain level that allows you to do whatever it is you most want to do this shift." (For me on nights, that's usually sleeping at least a little, but sometimes the realistic goal you make together is that you will feel at some point better than you feel right now.) "You have this medication scheduled, and you have this one available every X hours when your pain is severe. Is there anything you know that helps you deal with pain?"

Also establish if patients want to be woken up for certain prn medications or if they're sleeping, to let them sleep. With some patients, I will advise them to get woken up for pain medication because I know that they're going to need consistent control to avoid a crisis. (Crises take so much time!)

When I'm crunched for time, I'm fond of bringing in an ice pack and being like "if it works, great, if it doesn't, just take it off, either way here it is." Sometimes I'll do the same with a warm blanket. If I know my patient needs to take pills, I'll bring a cup of water with me into the room. If there's a basic prn like melatonin or tylenol that I think they might want, I'll pull them in advance. If the patient doesn't want them, I return them next time I'm in the med room. (Obviously, don't do this with controlled substances. It's super easy to forget to return them, and not returning opioids is one of those whoopsies people get fired over.)

Decision making takes time. Walking to go get stuff takes time. I want to save the time it takes to assess if the patient needs those things and then walk off to fetch them by just having the things already. If your tightest resource is time, be liberal with resources you can spare. If you're stuck with a patient, do you have anyone you can delegate a prn med pass to? Do you know how to do the absolute minimum charting you need to? Do you have flushes and alcohol wipes and whatever other most common things you need? And since you can't hoard time, if you've got some to spare, ask yourself if there is anything you can do now that will save you time later. If you have five free minutes now and an incontinent patient, getting them up to the bathroom now can save you from taking the time for incontinence care and a bed change later on when they've also sundowned and decide they hate everything but most of all you.

So much of this answer I realize is investing as much time upfront as you can, which I realize is so hard when you are so busy. It sucks immensely that prepping takes much less time than not being prepared does when you don't always have time to prep. Plus when you invest that time to pain plan with patients and do small preventative interventions, I think it also provides some psychological comfort that helps with pain. You're letting them know you're invested and you care and you have a plan, even if you don't have all the time you'd like. That can mean better pain control, which can mean needing to spend less time in that room overall, meaning you can save six whole minutes at some point and maybe even, if we're feeling crazy, get a chance to indulge in that greatest of indulgences: just a real leisurely on-shift piss.

#nursing tag #i hope this helps at all i know how much it sucks to end a shift like 'cool. i didn't help my patients. feel great about that.'#it sucks when you don't have enough time to take care of people because you have too many people to take care of #anyway also thank you re: pain post compliment. and also thank you re: getting to talk about pain mgmt again #marge simpson holding potato voice: i just think [nursing process and symptom management] is neat!

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fredoesque · 29 days

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see the THING about goodsir and stanley is that goodsir may be way less inclined to act cruelly but he has a far greater capacity for it.

#no listen to me bc stanley is cruel out of uncaringness #oh your toes are getting snipped off? well don't expect any coddling he's got better things to do #but that's the extent of it he doesn't care to hurt anyone either #(and yes obviously carnevale shows that he very much can hurt people but even then the hurt is not his /goal/#it's a necessary evil so he can help people. of all things)#in contrast with goodsir who cares so so much about things and about doing them right #including. when pushed far enough. cruelty #the terror #i hope people know whenever i make a mean post about goodsir i do like him #i just think one of his best qualities is that he kinda sucks <3 #also tbc having a capacity doesn't mean living up to it. it just means you could

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automatonknight · 8 months

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here's the prick i was talking about^ i have so many thoughts and notes about him but they're mostly incomprehensible so when i organize maybe them i'll post them who knows

#art #oc #id in alt #um ummm #idk. if you have any questions as always feel free to ask #ANYWAYS. geez making him has been so fun i love this asshole so much i'm going to put him through the horrors #salute to you Kordian if you see this if you hadn't shown me stalker i probably wouldn't be running in circles about patches now #more notes. i actually have no idea how magic works in-universe i just thought it would be cool. he's not good at using it he sucks. he's #shocked himself so many times probably. will that stop him? no #he practiced fencing for a few years so he actually like. knows how the fight flows or whatever. i think he definitely picks out targets wh #don't get their bearings quite as well and dances around them and shit like that he just likes to be mean i guess #idk idk. also he joins the lovelies at one point. that's like. semi-canon. it's sorta like with triumphant and normal walenty to me. like #they both exist but the. so to speak. evil one kind of doesn't in a way if you get me. i mostly thought it would be a fun thing to think #about. and also patches would do that and then he'd freak out like what the fuck am i doing and leave #another random thing about his pronouns. well i mostly use he/him for him. that 'any' is more in a way that if you referred to patches as #she or they or it or anything else he wouldn't care #but he usually doesn't mention it and stuff

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uncanny-tranny · 6 months

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It's weird how people paint "daddy issues" and even "mommy issues" as, like, a joke or a failure on part of the person who has those issues, rather than recognizing that daddy and mommy issues stem, for so many people, from abuse. What this all is is just abuse apologia, and nobody seems to either notice or maybe even care.

When somebody with daddy or mommy issues opens up about the "why," I can't ever seem to shake the fact that they tend to have gone through a ton of abuse and bullshit as a child. It's just crazy that other people would look at that and see a joke or a failure of the once-child who was abused.

#abuse #abuse tw #abuse mention tw #child abuse #child abuse tw #mental health #it really goes to show (to me) that people either can't or don't WANT to acknowledge that parents can be the ones to have fucked up #if all the blame is placed on their child/ren then you can maintain the illusion that the parent is always right...#...that parents know what is best and they will always do what is best for their child/ren #it's just weird to be somebody with parental issues and all that gets steamrolled into 'mommy issues' that then become a Big Joke...#...especially because i'm a man (and because people are misogynists who think it's just so funny that women are people)...#...i find that my own issues are expected to be treated as a joke or a punchline or something i must whisper in the dark...#...so that others may have the luxury of pretending to not hear it or to have the luxury of forgetting in the morning...#...and it just sucks because that leaves me to remember and grieve and doing that with the knowledge that my abuse Is A Joke at My Expense #if you wonder why so many abuse victims/survivors become unsavoury: this is why #i'm too bitter about this topic specifically to care about the comfort of people who don't get it and don't WANT TO...#...because it is THEY who are uncomfortable with the very NOTION that abuse happens #if you can't acknowledge that abuse happens WITHOUT downplaying to for your sense of comfort you will NEVER help abuse victims/survivors #you will find that you start prioritizing YOUR sense of comfort over the safety and continued survival of victims/survivors

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ssaalexblake · 1 year

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it’s also baffling to me that tumblr, home of the ‘why are white men Still being cast as the doctor’ for So many years now (For you know, like over a decade.) is somehow not appalled that they hired a white dude to be the next Doctor because look okay it’s okay if it’s This white man.

I mean, I do not consent to acknowledge that they’ve shoved him in there under any circumstance, but my Only need for the casting of the next person was that it was Not a white man, otherwise i didn’t care who it was, so when they “announced” Gatwa I was satisfied (i am hesitant to say they announced it bc it was more like a tiny footnote than an announcement, oh the disrespect) and it took a whole seven days (it was literally seven days. Yes i counted. it was easy since it was only seven days) it was ‘actually sorry no it’s this white dude we’ve already had before did we forget to mention that???’ and it’s steadily gotten worse and worse.

That This site of all places is not up in arms about both the situation and how it specifically played out is depressing, but also massively and darkly hilarious.

Especially since i Also remember nobody on this site thought casting Whittaker was good enough but literally going backward to a previous white man is?? This is not even a metaphor about diversity getting worse, they literally looked backwards.

But, yeah, tenn/ant with the ‘what the future looks like’ headline is uh... Good???? Not super worrying and ominous?

I feel like i’ve been dumped in some weird parallel universe by reactions to all of this on here like??? the whole way this was done was appalling, the situation is appalling, but i guess the bbc/disney should get a rousing round of applause for accurately judging that nobody would care about their poor actions if the specific white guy they cast was popular enough that next to nobody would care.

( and to the ‘it’s an anniversary ep’ thing, they legit could have just set a couple of eps in the past. i don’t mean they travel to the past. i mean just say ‘hey this ep is set during s4!’ and nobody would care. this show does weirder stuff than this every second episode. and it would still be bad, but how they did it is so much Worse.)

#dw shit #literally feel like i live in some wild parallel universe where weird shit is happening #genuinely #i am baffled #while also not being baffled at all #i try to be a realist rather than be cynical or optimistic but you know what #in this case #i honestly expected better of people #guess the cynicism would have helped here #idk i love 13 but i like jodie too and it'd Suck Balls to see her stomp on somebody else down the line #i'd hate it #i'd lose respect for her #but i've never been one for stan culture i guess #any bs on this one gets blocked and totally ignored tbh the level to which i do not care is So High #all i'm saying is #when they do more bs with white guys you Don't like #remember they learnt they can get away with it when nobody cared when they did it the first time #their litmus test has sure given Results

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throttlegainwell · 2 months

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Thinking about that fine line Jonathan walks re: Lonnie's impact on Will. Wanting to insulate Will from Lonnie's rejection and soften that blow as much as he's able, but not wanting to give him false hope and feed a dangerous fantasy where Lonnie has a place in his life.

Because who wants to look into those big, sad eyes and tell their little brother that Dad doesn't love him? That he will never care, and that Will is nothing to him. But he also wants Will to be prepared, and he doesn't want to lie to him. He respects this kid and he wants to impress that upon him--the world may not, but Jonathan will always respect his intelligence and ability to think for himself, and he will nurture that, would never hamper it even supposedly for Will's own good.

So he makes it about conformity. There's a life lesson in that. It's not just that Dad doesn't give a shit--it's that Will should be true to himself because fuck everyone who doesn't see it that way.

#jonathan byers #will byers #stranger things #i dunno jonathan knows that lonnie sucks and i think it's hard for him to see will pining for this horrible person #(or more like the idea of him maybe--the chalk outline of fatherhood that he represents)#who's damaged jonathan so deeply but more importantly (to him) hurt everyone he cares about and left so much wreckage in his wake #so there's a part of him that wants to prepare will & build up that armor the way that jonathan has for himself #and that's gotta be a tough instinct to supress (because lonnie has instilled so deeply in jonathan that the world is a dangerous place)#but he never ever *ever* wants to strip will of his innocence and hope so he knows he can't #and that's the narrow set of parameters he's working with #don't tell will that dad doesn't give a shit about him (but if he figures it out on his own then be there for him and don't deny it)#don't tell him dad's a piece of shit & not worth it--just redirect until will realizes that he doesn't have to care #all the while he's thinking #'no he doesn't love you but so many people do and so many will'#wishing with all his heart that that would be enough #he's so careful how he talks to him--because the truth isn't kind but jonathan can be #child abandonment tw

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cluescorner · 16 days

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Arlecchino's whole deal is unbelievable

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder what's causing my weird powers? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta become King and then kill my "Mother".

*Kills Clervie and "Mother"*

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I was able to defeat a Fatui Harbinger when I'm like 17 or so? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta be in jail and become a Harbinger.

*Is in jail for a while and becomes a Harbinger*

Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I am-

Pierro: Hey what's up hello, anyways you're descended from the Crimson Moon Dynasty of Khaenri'ah. I'm sure that this is a lot for you to take in so-

Arlecchino: Ok.

Pierro: ...You're just cool with that?

Arlecchino: IDK maybe? I can't really worry about that at the moment, I'm a father now. This orphanage full of children I love (who also are child soldiers and are not allowed to leave or else I'll execute them except maybe now I'm just gonna wipe their memories IDK I'm morally complex) isn't gonna run itself.

*Runs the orphanage/spy recruitment initiative*

Me, the fucking player: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE KHAENRI'AN? WHY WASN'T THIS BROUGHT UP IN YOUR FUCKING QUEST?? OR ANYTHING ELSE????

Arlecchino, talking to me through my phone: I honestly don't know why you care, I'm too busy to give a shit. Anyways, I'm gonna go fight fate itself I guess. I'm sure that I don't share any thematic parallels with any other Khaenri'an characters (particularly as it relates to acting and family angst) and that I haven't made the idea of 'curses' on Khaenri'ans and what they entail even more complicated than they already were. See ya.

#arlecchino #genshin impact #pierro #WHY IS THE GAME FUCKING GLOSSING OVER THE FACT THAT SHE IS KHAENRI'AN?!#Not only that but she is the first Khaenri'an we've met (that we know of) who's from the Crimson Moon Dynasty #I'm so fucking confused #Did Celestia place a DIFFERENT curse on members of the Crimson Moon Dynasty?? Or is this stuff all of them can do???#HELP #She also seems almost...uninterested in the fact that she's descended from Khaenri'ah. Which honestly I think is interesting.#I don't know if I like it yet but when every other Khaenri'ah character has one of their major traits being that they super fucking #care that they are Khaenri'an (whether that be Kaeya with his paranoia/destiny/duty or Dain with his guilt over his failure/desire to #prevent our sibling from fucking with anything too much or whatever the fuck is going on with Pierro)#having a character who is Khaenri'an but doesn't seem to particularly be invested in that part of themself is different #she cares more about the curse and its effects on her then she ever really cares about the Crimson Moon Dynasty or the cataclysm #IDK I think it's neat from a character writing angle. or at least it has the potential to be if the writers do a good job.#But from a 'I like maybe 3 things in this game and one of them is Khaenri'ah' perspective it SUCKSSSSS #That part of the plot is already suffering from chronic live-service storytelling disease where people just straight up don't tell you #shit that they logically SHOULD BE TELLING YOU because the game needs to save plot points to build hype around #so for one of like 4-ish (depending on how much we count Albedo) Khaenri'an major characters to give us literally 1 and 1/2 voicelines #kinda sucks ngl. but again it's also interesting and realistic for Arlecchino and from that angle I like it #she doesn't care about what fate says her place in the world is. she's gonna carve her own and being Khaenri'an isn't relevant to #the life and identity she has built for herself. she isn't the type to look for answers she doesn't need. she's practical and efficient.#at the very least it's better than when Albedo 'I want to find all the world's truths' Kreideprinz doesn't let the audience in on his stuff

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lil-gingerbread-queen · 1 day

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So... Multiple right-wing politicians and figures in France went to social media to ask people to vote for Israel at the Eurovision and themselves vote for her, because it is "antisemitic to boo Israel" or something... That's how you get Israel a ton of votes.

Btw, a lot of those politicians are in a political party that was created with a SS. The leaders are from the same family, the father being friend with the SS and Nazis and the daughter viewing Hitler as an uncle when she was younger. This party also denied the Holocaust and later declared that it did happened (because it's against the law to deny the Holocaust), but it's not as bad as we make it. Just to point out that zionists just want to get rid of Jewish people, they don't care about them.

And also, French don't care about the Eurovision, because we all agree that we suck at music. People barely speak about it. And suddenly, those mfs give a fuck about it (the other time they do is when we send a poc to represent France, that's a scandal for them 🙄)

#eurovision #boycott eurovision #palestine #free palestine #israel #In France at least you can clearly see that antisemitism is on the pro-israel side #French only cares about Eurovision if we win and it's kind of sad imo #and yes we generally agree that we suck at music like we have some good artists but others are better #also it's 90% of the time so stereotypically French that 90% of the French hates it like nobody listen to that wtf are you doing #Ngl it's only when they send a poc that I get some hope the music will be better and then boom they sing the most 50s French thing ever #I don't even know who and what we did this year that's how little we care

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sonego · 2 months

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every time you see news about an athlete competing while injured and everyone's reactions are praising them like a hero bc that means they actually care about the team/sport/competition or whatever, imagine me as a dog barking at an evil creature in a horror movie. thanks

#the day we STOP glorifying pain i will finally know peace #try being in pain 24/7 !!!!! then tell me again it's a heroic and morally good !!!!!!! also fuck off #it's not heroic it's not good it's not manly it's not caring about winning what it IS is dangerous and reckless #and risking permanent damage and a disability #and i bet you fuckers would then start complaining about that same athlete 'underperforming' and 'not putting in enough effort' and shit #when maybe. MAYBE. if they'd taken care of the injury when it first arose that shit wouldn't have got worse and become a Big fucking problem #to be clear when i say you i mean a vague general you i see this all the time and rn it's aimed at no one in particular #and also i'm not blaming the athetles who keep competing through injuries i don't think it's their fault #i'm blaming these shit fucking reactions that everyone KEEPS having when it happens. pundits commentators fans etc #everyone is always praising these athletes these PEOPLE for how brave and daring they are for ignoring the pain they're in so they can help #the team or get a chance to win a race or a medal or a trophy or whatever #i understand it's not an easy or fun decision as a pro athlete to give up a chance at winning something #but i think we should DEFINITELY still encourage them to fucking give it up!!! even if it sucks even if it's a big win they're giving up!!#bc the risk of the injury getting worse and permanent and fucking up their career their LIFE for a very very long time if not forever is #just not worth it and not a risk to be taken lightly #i can't believe i have to keep complaining about this!!! still!!!!!! when will everyone learn!!!!!#what prompted this rant might not even be that bad but really i don't care the culture around this in sports needs to change asap #rant over i'm fucking MAD. and in pain (funnily enough lol)#nico.txt

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finexbright · 11 months

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#as i said i'm only now catching up on what happened at red rocks and honestly i'm just so confused as to #why people are getting hate mail for being at a show???? like unless you were right there at the show you will NOT know what's going on #you can't just ''leave'' a venue because there's security measures ensuring that people don't run and cause a stampede #i get that the team there sucked and should've been much better equipped for an outdoor venue but why the fuck are we blaming the fans????#and then being mad at louis??? yeah i get that his tweet wasn't the best but i'd imagine that he was trying to help out as much as he could #ensuring fans were safe and taken care of. pretty sure he is the one paying all hospital bills and stuff as well #yeah i know he's an artist and he has people doing things for him but also it's louis. he might not have been at ground zero #but i bet he was doing everything he could to help get fans to safety and he had to tweet something amidst all that #just to reassure fans a bit more and he did what he could #besides. i'm sorry but instead of being all ''louis/his team should've done more'' can we all just make sure that the fans #who were actually in that hail storm and who actually got horribly injured and who actually went through such a scary situation #are feeling okay? like why are we arguing about trivial things when what matters the most out of this situation is the fans and their safety #i honestly need people who were not at the venue and people who do not understand how traumatic things can be #to just shut up and log off #anyways to everyone present at red rocks i'm sending you so much love and i'm so sorry something so traumatic happened #i hope everyone is safe and is being treated for their injuries 💌

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ridhearts · 1 year

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rest {vil x reader}

Vil comforts you after a rough day.

!! information !!

characters: vil

reader: gn

cw: none!

The Pomefiore lounge was only half-lit, a shadowed hallway leading to the far wall where Vil sat on one of the plush purple couches. The flickering candles cast him in a warm glow, bright enough to illuminate the papers on his lap so he wouldn’t have to strain his eyes to read. The scarce lighting, you knew, was meant to accommodate you; after so long of complaining about a persistent headache, even the densest of your companions (ahem, Grim) caught on.

Vil looked up from his papers and uncrossed his legs, though he made no move to stand. “Hello, sweet potato.”

“Hey,” you answered, barely stopping yourself from diving onto the couch. Still, you fell with little ceremony, laying across the cushions and resting your head on Vil’s lap. He scoffed, amused at your audacity, but didn’t say anything else about your manners.

“You’ve been making yourself scarce these days,” He commented, not unkindly. His voice lacked the usual firm and severe tone he used throughout the day, though anybody on campus could tell that he usually spoke softer around you. Still, this time he kept volume down to something soft and tender, wrapping around you, sound and snug.

“Headache.” You felt on of his hands gently rest on our head for a moment, carding through your hair and drawing soothing lines down your shoulder. “I was getting sick of being alone, though.”

“Forgive me for not offering a more thrilling activity.”

“This is perfect.” You didn’t think you could take any more than resting in a different spot, anyway. “I’m...sorry I haven’t been...much, lately.”

Vil stopped moving his hand, and you could practically hear the unimpressed expression he was giving you. Picturing that small, perfect scowl and the way he was arching an eyebrow, you almost laughed.

“You haven’t been much? Much of what?”

You shrugged. “Much of anything.”

Vil sighed before resuming the comforting pets he was giving you. “That’s simply not true. You’ve been recovering. And before that, you were going through a lot. Perhaps you still are. How are you feeling?”

After a pause, you shrugged and gave him a noncommittal hum. Those types of answers were never enough for him, though. “Better. Kind of. More manageable, at least. I’ll be back on my feet soon.”

Vil chuckled. “You don’t have to make promises to me. It’s important to take care of yourself. Take the time you need. I’m thankful that I got to spend some time with you at all today.”

You took a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds and trying to focus on anything but the pounding pain in your head: his fingers running through your hair, the warmth of his leg beneath your cheek, the raised seam of the cushion digging into your hip, all of it. Slowly exhaling, you hummed again.

“Yeah. I am, too.”

#this is kind of a spiritual successor to my last post (sit with me with leona)#i don't get super personal on here most of the time because. i don't want to LOL #but if you were curious i am doing better. i talked to my doctor and i started on antidepressants #that was the inspiration i only just got over my four day headache adjusting to it LMAO #so you know. i'm just a stranger on the internet but if you're having mental health issues consider talking to your primary care doctor!#i cried in her office telling her my symptoms lol it kinda sucks but it's worth it to be better #anyway i talked too long in the tags idk if this is even going to show up in them anymore. daily reminder to reblog please :3 #twisted wonderland #vil schoenheit x reader #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #vil schoenheit #vil x reader #also i just wrote this. randomly. there's not a lot of deeper meaning i just wanna. sit

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mamawasatesttube · 3 months

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you guys i have so many thoughts about tdr. i have so much to say. like i don't want to be super mean but dude that comic fucking sucks and i can't lie i think it made me kind of homophobic actually

#my stance up to now has been that i don't really care about tim/ber but now that i have read this. dude...#it sucks that they gave a canon queer tim narrative to someone who uses homophobia as shock value and virtue signaling points #and who actively tears down characters who don't like her special little uwu flawless oc (kate im so fucking sorry)#there's no substance to this relationship i don't see why they even like each other #bc she keeps just stating oh they're perfect they make each other so happy but she doesn't like. show that at all #and i HATE the shock value homophobia like i cannot overstate how much i hate it #oh these random cops are homophobic (that's how you know they're BAD!)#oh bernard's parents are homophobic (that's how you know THEY'RE bad too!)#it's so hamfisted and it reads like such. cheap storytelling #especially bc tim as narrator doesn't even get to have ANY thoughts on his own queerness or seeing this homophobia in the world around him #and then she can't go more than two pages without being like BTW BERNARD IS THE BEST EVER AND TIM CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM #while against this ugly backdrop of shock value homophobia #there's no substance to this relationship. why do they even like each other. it just falls apart if you examine it at all #because she just is fundamentally incapable of writing either of them as people with character flaws #for fucks sake she can't even be consistent with tim's BASIC character tenets. ''i always dreamed of being batman'' false lmao #but then to follow it up with ''i never wanted to be batman i always wanted to be my dad''#and then on TOP OF THAT to make the Only mention of Jack drake and his impact on tim's life ABOUT BERNARD AGAIN.#yeah sorry im a hater now. this was shit tier #rimi talks

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damazcuz · 3 months

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I've only had this account for about 5 years now. But I've been on tumblr for 13 years, since I was 16 and just starting to learn who I was, what transgender meant, what the world looked like at the time for a group I was swiftly realizing included me.

And for 13 years I have consistently used this site and stayed on, occasionally blog hopping when things felt stale or if things got bad. And things got bad sometimes. You'd get people calling you nasty things in your ask or replies or reblogs or tagging your username to sic their followers on you. And tumblr has always treated targeted harassment as a "Sorry you feel that way. That's not against tos though! Was this answer helpful?" issue whenever it's reported. They've never cared against abuse on their website, IN THE EXCEPTION of cases in which radfems and nazis have maliciously mass reported users for MAYBE hitting their breaking points and MAYBE snapping and saying something stupid that could be used as an excuse. Could be something today or four years ago in your archive but at some point, you had a bad day and posted something that could make tumblr say finally, we can get rid of a pest! or you were just transgender and said as much. A little too loudly in front of the wrong mod.

And this sounds so silly to say. But when you live in a website for 13 years and it's where you have your primary interactions with so many people and where you've met so many of your friends! It starts to feel like your community. Like an apartment building we all live in and visit each other's apartments and talk and decorate and laugh and play. And it's a bit of a dump and we all laugh about the crumbling peeling wallpaper and the slumlord that runs the place. We know the landlord isn't our friend, they just want us to pay rent until we're no good for it anymore. Produce the posts that make this site anything more than a hate forum, make the memes and the art and the posts that end up everywhere from your little sister's pinterest to your mom's Facebook to your uncle's meme subreddit. Keep up the garden and don't pile trash on the curb or you're out. This is "the queerest place on the net" only because queer people live here and hung on with our fingernails to stay here because if you have to leave, what's your fallback? You like your neighbors. They can't all come with you. They won't. Even the kind of crumbly parts feel like home after a while.

Like I want to clarify that Tumblr's reputation as a funny place to chill and scroll and meet people and see new things is not from the transphobes working on staff. Their job is to turn a profit or at least keep it LOOKING profitable, so the site can sell to the next moron to buy it out. The fun and joy of Tumblr is us. WE made this place. When you tear down our decorations and rip out our furnishings and toss us out on the street and look at what's left to show the next prospective tenant, it's a fucking dump. There is nothing left but the shittiest people in our neighborhood who are allowed to stay and make hate posts about us. There's the framework for "someone could make pretty posts here! It's a fixer upper!" But it's shit. It sucks.

I've been spiraling since yesterday over a couple of things I'm not taking well. One is work. "They can't fire us all!" I always joke. And people laugh. Last night my boss and I spent an hour and a half in this miserable fucking meeting, talking about the pressure pushing down on our load bearing team. We fantasized over all 8 of us being able to say "that's enough. I'm better than this. We are all walking out today and we will not come back. Don't text." And we can't. None of us can lose the stability of a full time job that pays kind of okay even though it's killing you. None of us can face that uncerainty. I left with chest pain. It was my first day back after major surgery. I went home and sat in one spot for over six hours almost unmoving, crying and just in disbelief of how unfair it is. We can't leave. But something has to give before my team dissolves and one of us puts a gun in their mouth. And then we all still have to make our shift. Who else will do all that? Who's going to cover, huh? Clock in.

And I spent the rest of my day, which ran to 4 am before I was able to sleep, wishing I could quit and hating what's happening on tumblr just as much. On a fucking blogging platform. Because this has been my fun sandbox for over a decade and it's always kind of sucked, it's full of cat shit and people throw sand at you and you're getting sunburned but it's fun here. You find your people to play with. And then it's like you remember oh yeah, other people here want me dead. The owner of this place wants me to die. He wants everyone that makes this place cool and fun to die. And he'll turn around and say "yeeeah well you shouldn't have joked about being mean to me." And it's like why am I here! Why am I making posts for YOU?

I can't leave employment. I'm only a couple of weeks, maybe a couple months away from homelessness at any given time, with how tight finances are. "Shoestring budget" would be generous. We're making it through sheer force of will. But I can't quit my job, and neither can anyone else.

But I can leave this place that I've hated and loved for so, so long. The other massive drain on my life that wants to see me shrivel and die. I can get up and go. We could all just go. Mass exodus. And I know it won't happen. Give it a week, ten days. People move along. Yeah, that sucked. Well, here we all still are. Still posting. Still tumbling. Still complaining about the landlord. But most people won't leave. How can you walk on your friends and community, knowing they won't all follow? But how do you continue to stay here watching this happen? I'm already listening to people tell me "so? that doesn't affect me. it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. and of course this happened, duhhhh." It's like, feel stupid for getting comfortable here. You should feel stupid for settling in and making it a home and thinking it would be fun here. If you are transgender you are not safe and you are not wanted. Not in the queerest place on the web, either.

It's not about the funny hammer car explosion """threat.""" It was never about the hammer car explosion. That was a dogwhistle through a megaphone to transphobes. Tumblr's darlings. Don't worry. I'll take care of this one that thinks she can speak up against me. And against you. And now there's a defined "REASON" for the ban. Why, Matt hardly knew he was banning a trans woman. All he knew was fear! He had no choice! And you can ignore the ACLU and the claims of systemic transphobia, that's something else. We fixed that!

I want this place to die because it is already rotting. We are scraping at the bones at this point. Walls are crumbling and there's a hole in the floor to the room below and the windows have long been knocked out and the boiler hasn't worked in years. They aren't going to fix it. It has never been the intention to fix it. They want you to leave or die. Whichever. Don't matter. Just get lost. I will find another tenant. I will find another person who will give me more ad revenue. You are replaceable in that sense. Someone else will join tumblr tomorrow. And tumblr will make a buck off them instead.

But they cannot replace the ways in which you and I have made this site livable and bearable and fun. And I want us to leave so that the husk of this place can collapse and blow away in the wind. I want tumblr to take a major hit and I want the loss of ad revenue to HURT THEM. I want a mad scramble to figure out how to fix it all. They can't. They won't. The fix has always been there and it's always been refused. Terfs will never be turned away from tumblr. Neither will nazis. "Sorry you feel that way, but that's not against our tos. Was this answer helpful?"

You know how they say, "it there are ten people at a table and one is a nazi and no one stands up, you have ten nazis"? This feels like that to me. If 20,000 of us wait a week, shrug, and resume joking and playing and say, well, yeah, it's sad that another dozen trans fems were banned last night. But I like it here...

It feels like that. Why are my trans sisters' archives of 5, 10+ years of life and joy being wiped clean? I can't even tell you how many posts I've seen from an op whose url I recognize from last week, but whose username is grey and icon default, because she posted something less than a day ago to say "yo this sucks. Fuck this place and fuck this guy." They've never ever found the terfs and nazis to ban them because they DON'T CARE. Those are the ones they prefer. That they cater to. Post about the ceo being a dumbfuck and in 12 hours, risk losing your community and the ability to look back at your life online. Clean slate. As if you never lived there. Oh, but tumblr isn't a transphobic place. We fired the one and only naughty transphobe on staff who was taking bribes to send out bans. Pay to win moderation. That person's gone. So it's okay and you don't need to worry. It's okay, I promise. It's the queerest place on the web. Get comfortable.

I love my job and I love this place. One of them is going to push me to the edge. But I can choose to leave one. You can choose to leave with me. They can't fire us all.

#and i know that i am preaching halfway to the choir and halfway to deaf ears.#you either already care or you don't.#this either affects you a lot or not at all.#you'll either walk out or you'll clock back in and get back to it.#fuck though man. something has to give or it's going to snap. you know?#and frankly i just don't want to play here right now. it sucks a lot.#and it sounds like it's going to start sucking a whole lot more very quickly.#i hope the hellsite explodes. i hope the hammers go everywhere.#have a good night and all.#see you tomorrow or whatever.

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