#i like him sooo much rn so hopefully u will see more of him

[fuxuannie]

🐠 haii for the requests milestone thingy could u do pavitr prabhakar x reader and the prompt “are we ab to kiss rn” and then the other actually leans in? c: TY IF U CAN ‼️❤️💖

↳ pairing : pavtir prabhakar x g-neutral reader

↳ synopsis : request ♡

↳ authors note : EUEEUEEU this is sosososo cute actually, i love this idea sm. ATSV SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT !!! im not entirely sure if i like this.. bute eeurrueue i tried my best

You and PAVITR had known each other for a while, long enough that he trusts you with his secret of being Spiderman with how close you two were.

Now you were on one of the tallest buildings in Mumbattan, swinging your feet over the ledge as Pavitr sat beside you with his hand unintentionally holding onto yours firmly since there was a small bit of lingering fear at the idea of you falling.

"Jeez, finally.. a break." He sighs in relief, taking off his mask with his free hand as you chuckle. "Isn't being Spiderman supposed to be sooo easy, Pav?" You teased, watching him roll his eyes in amusement. "Well, of course it is. But it certainly is busy, and I really just wanna spend time with you." Pavitr answers honestly, noticing how you seemed to be even just a little surprised and he was very entertained by that idea. You can already see his own little smirk beginning to form.

You clear your throat to hopefully shift the topic. "What made you so burnt-out today then?"

It didn't take long for you to see how his face shifts to a frown, and you knew exactly what he was about to bring up. "Miguel.. he's been so hard on some of us recently, especially the new-comers who he introduced the 'canon events' to." Pavitr runs a hand through his hair, his sigh was a mix of sadness and frustration as he recalls the events that occured earlier in the day. "They just want to save their loved ones.. no one can accept that kind of information and simply allow it to happen, you know?"

You nod along with his statement, unable to even imagine the dread those people must feel, just waiting for the people they care about most to die for their own development.

"But that's a sad topic, and today is supposed to be a nice resting day for the both of us." Pavitr smiles a little to lighten the mood, squeezing your hand softly as you take a deep breath. "Mines not been the best either.."

The smile he tries to hold falters at those words.

"Mom.. she's still very insistent on the arranged marriage." You let out a forced and bitter laugh. "I don't.. I mean, I don't know if I want to marry that person when I'm older. I've met them twice, Pav. And in the future, I have to spend every single loving who is essentially a stranger. Isn't that even a little weird in my parents eyes?"

He hated seeing how hopeless you looked, having no choice in who you want to love is devestating and in some cases lonely. Seeing real couples on the street and wondering what kind of innocent love you're likely missing out on.

Pavitr stands up and your head follows him as he does so, watching his determination-filled face as he pulls you up with ease. "Let's not wallow in sadness, yes? I'd much rather see you smile than frown." His hand makes its way to your cheek, causing you to chuckle softly as you lean into the touch and place your hand over his. "Thanks, Pav."

And without thinking, the next sentence you manage to stupidly utter out is; "Gosh, I wish you were the one I married instead."

You can see the visible surprise in his face when you say that, before you realize what exactly escaped your lips. "W-wait..-"

But it seems like Pavitr seems more affected than you, the hand once placed on your cheek immediately pulled back to cover his mouth and the uncontrollable but flustered smile on his face.

"You want to marry me??"

Instead of a mocking or angry tone, he seems genuinely happy that the person he's had a secret crush on for year or so finally gives some sort of hint that he's more than a friend.

"Do you mean it? Like.. really mean it?"

"I mean, yeah! Anyone would want to marry you.."

There's silence exchanged between the two of you, staring at each other in confusion, disbelief and surprise.

"What? Are we about to kiss right now?"

Pavitr teased to ease his nerves, but imagine how much worse they got when you actually started to lean in. He begins to quietly panic, however in all honesty he wants to do nothing else but kiss you at the moment. What if he never gets the chance to do it again? He couldn't risk that.

He finally presses his lips against yours, albeit very very nervously but a kiss is a kiss and goodness is he into it. Pavitr melts into the intimacy, but is very quick to pull away incase you're uncomfortable.

It seems almost impossible how fast his heart is racing when he watches your eyes flutter open and the realization that you actually kissed Pavitr rushes through your head quickly.

...

"Can we do that again..?"

"Gladly."

#˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ bailu's candy stash #pavitr prabhakar x reader #pavitr x reader #spiderverse x reader #spiderman atsv x reader #atsv x reader #spiderman x reader

[formulawonu]

hello !! i like your writing sooo much <3 may i request how seventeen would be when they have a crush on you? tyvm ^____^

seventeen & crushes

a/n: hi!!! thank u so much for ur kind words!! im back i missed u tumblr world. i miss svt so much. sorry this was a lil too long :”) alexa play crush by seventeen rn

seungcheol: plsss HE WOULD ABSOLUTELY MELT EVERY. TIME. SOMETHING CUTE HAPPENS BETWEEN U BOTH 😭 and his crush would be seen in the tiniest of details. like if cheol knew he was going to see u or ~potentially~ bump into u he would make sure to wear more of his cologne that u once said smelled really good. he wouldnt tell anyone but he would spend a lil longer getting ready to make sure he looked good if he sees u. practices what he could talk to u about. but in front of u he would be so nonchalant 🥱 fml it’d be like “oh? y/n ur here?” HE KNEW U WERE COMING THATS WHY HE CAME GET OUT CHEOL

jeonghan: no bec hannie would be so cute :/ like he’d affectionately annoy u throughout the day because he just loves having u part of his day. he just loves talking to u. specifically you. it makes him happy and giddy. and he doesn’t think much of it until someone else (read as: shua and seungkwan) brings it up dshjfdf “so jeonghan ur lil crush on y/n is cute” “what ?” then he proceeds to think abt it and its a lightbulb moment and then he gets kinda cute and shy around u and ur like “jeonghan whats wrong with you u havent said anything weird these past few days its getting weird” he just starts giggling around u shut up 😭 then masks it by saying smth like “so you DO like it when i annoy u 😏 my masterplan is working” ok gaslighter

joshua: SWEETEST. GUY. EVER. like i think shua is the type to regularly check on you throughout the day or leave u good morning texts idek 😭 like he’d say he hopes u have a good day and then lets u know he’s free to talk at night if u wanna talk abt how ur day went haha just in case haha but its no biggie if you cant haha (he’s really overthinking this is he being too pushy????) and i think he’d realize pretty quickly he has a crush on you when he notices he likes being near u when u guys are in the same place and he’d be like huh this is happening! but who wouldn’t like them! would continue being the sweet guy he is and hopes for the best 🤞

junhui: noooooo my sweet junhui 😭 he would really remember every single thing you tell him. you have a test on this day? he’s wishing you good luck first thing in the morning or buying you breakfast/coffee before it because u can’t take a test on an empty stomach! you have a job interview or an event? he’s helping you get ready for it and practicing whatever could happen to help you prepare. u like this specific snack and he’s going to be seeing u soon? takes a pic of it to send to u then buys it so he can give it to u. he’s such a selfless and caring guy by nature and all he wants is to be there for you in any way he can. IM ACTUALLY GONNA CRY LIKE we all see how caring he is towards the other members can u imagine being on the receiving end of his affection

hoshi: this could really go two ways honestly lmfao he is either EXTREMELY distant from u because he thinks anything else would make his crush on u waaaay too obvious and he needs to be the cool guy!!!!! and he can’t do that if he cant get his damn heart to calm down every single time ur around!!!! or he could literally be everywhere u are 🤣 its like fuck the cool guy look i like her what can i do ??? like u show up to a party and suddenly ur like omg soonyoung ur here. “yea u said u were going so here i am!” or u tell him ur alone studying at a cafe and he shows up bec he “didnt want u to be lonely” 😭 honestly he has the best intentions he just wants to be there for u bec it makes him happy and hopefully it makes u too :””) grrrrrr

wonwoo: this one kills me because he’d REALLY REALLY try 😭😭😭 and i don’t mean this in a tries to be someone they are not kind of thing but he’d make so much effort to connect with u ://// like whenever he sees u he’d find ways to talk to you even if it’s the awkward “hey how are you” “i’m doing good! how are you” “i’m doing good too (◠﹏◠)” then hes internally panicking scrambling running around his head trying to think of what else he can say so the conversation doesn’t end and he ends up talking/asking about the randomest shit like so do you come here often NO WONU Y/N DOESNT THIS IS YOUR BEST FRIEND’S HOUSE PARTY YOU KNOW THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN HERE my god he’s so precious please take care of him please take care of his heart please love me back wonu *cue seungkwan imitating his laugh*

woozi: i almost teared up thinking about jihoon having a crush on u. my god like on the outside he’d be nearly the same he always is but those that know abt it see that his gaze flits ever so often to where you are when you’re around. just to make sure you’re okay. just to make sure you’re having a good time. just to see u smile bec that alone makes his day :/ PLZZZZ and every time u talk to him his heart flutters a lil quicker his smile is a lil bigger and the crinkles by his eyes come out a lil more. if ur someone close to him and u visit him in his studio regularly but u somehow stop visiting bc ur getting a lil busier these days he’d shoot u a quick text and be like why havent u been annoying me in the studio recently (thats code for: i miss you. i wanna see you. is everything all good with you?) KMN!!!!!

minghao: i think he’d be very honest w himself about it. like it’s just a crush it happens. these are minghao’s present feelings and he accepts them as they come ! my mature guy. he doesn’t try to force anything because he wants everything to just happen naturally!!!! ofc he makes it a point to say hello to you first whenever you come around and he makes sure to send u the name of that book he told u about and he could come with you to go get a copy if you’d like :”) ofc he thinks about u and how ur doing more often than he realizes. he just… he just loves the feeling of having a crush on you. it’s so exciting and new and the premise of being able to get to know you more and the potential things you guys could bond over is something so splendid so personal so special to him plz crush him back

mingyu: I DONT WANNA THINK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE MINGYU WILL NEVER HAVE A CRUSH ON ME but he would be so silly so cute so overwhelmingly charming everytime u are around. we know how clumsy the guy is but he’s stumbling over his words cracking the lamest jokes to make u laugh casually putting his arm around you when you guys are walking to protect u (hes freaking out should he have done that????) LIKEEEEE HE’D BE SO CUTE IDK IF U SEE THE VISION BUT I SEE THE VISION 😭 but he’d also be so freaking cool that u would never even THINK that he has a crush on you. because he’s just that endearing. he’s offering to bring you places because he’ll be in the area (he’s actually coming from his place) he’s hugging you a lil longer goodbye he’s calling you at night just to hear your voice he’s sending you pics of himself to update u on what he’s doing he’s so dhkjdsfghskjgf just one chance mingyu

seokmin: byeeeeee this man is the opposite of discreet hdfgksjfhdg but its the cutest thing ever 😭 the moment he realizes he has a crush on u he suddenly gets all shy around you always just smiling at you finding ways to be closer to you like maybe sitting across you when ur out eating with friends because it’s not too close but not too far and he could still talk to you and see you :/ he’s blushing every time u compliment him on something idek he’d just be so cute and flustered all the time ahshadajdh fr after he makes a joke and you’re like “seokmin ur so funny” he’d be like “REALLY 🥹” proceeds to make the same joke in variations just to make u laugh more and bec he knows u find it funny so it’s fool-proof!!!!! he’s making u laugh it’s music to his ears!!!! but would 9/10 panic if he was ever left alone with u and he isn’t that close to you so all he does is smile at u until u ask him smth and he can breathe a lil more and relax into the convo

seungkwan: awww seungkwan would be so comfortable around u. so caring. he’d look after you and remind u every day to take ur vitamins! don’t forget to feed ur pet! make sure to leave by this time so u aren’t late! but he’d also treat you like his best friend. like i think he realizes he has a crush on u while u guys are bickering over smth so stupid and he’s like wow i don’t think i would ever want to bicker abt something this stupid with anyone else :”””) hahahakillmenowhahahaha and he’d always be attached to ur hip when u guys are out like he’s just always looking out for you and is so carefree whenever ur there so it’s such a refreshing feeling for him to have someone like that in his life pls care for him back ;/ pls look out for him too bec thats the only thing he wants to do for you!!!!

vernon: mans is absolutely SHOCKED. FLOORED. like?????? he didn’t know he had time to have a crush?????? when did this happen?????? but then after thinking abt it for a while he’s like hm yea that does check out 🤣 tbh i think he doesn’t change how he is with you at all. it’s a crush he’s not in grade school anymore ! but alas it manifests itself in his life in different ways. suddenly he has to make sure you taste this amazing dish he had. he has to make sure u check out this dope song he found. have you even watched the world’s funniest movie (to him)??? there’s so much of the important and special things in his life he suddenly wants to share with you and he just cares so much about what you think and your opinion of things bec you’re so cool and he’s so curious about who you are and boom there you go mr chwe you DO have a crush so what!

dino: djhfgmhdgmf CAN LEE CHAN CUT IT OUT HE ISN’T GETTING MARRIED HE ISN’T IN LOVE ITS JUST A CRUSH GET UP!!!!!! this guy is literally overthinking everything. what should he do now ? does he confess ? are they the one ? 😭😭😭 slow down sailor u are simply fond of the person -__- he’s deep in thought and u have a member asking him whats wrong why is he so stressed and hes just like i just ruined everything my life is over i like y/n . BYE that shit spreads so fast whoever asked him is informing the gc and suddenly everyone is involved everyone is teasing him and he can’t do anything abt it because THEY ARE RIGHT HE’S A SUCKER FOR YOU 😭 would actually message u abt it and be like ahahaha hi how’s it going how’s your day been wanna hang out tomorrow miss you fml but he’s cute he’s boyfriend-coded just a lil lost at times but he means well 🤣

#svt #seventeen #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt reaction #scoups #seungcheol #jeonghan #joshua hong #junhui #hoshi #kwon soonyoung #wonwoo #woozi #minghao #the8 #kim mingyu #dk #boo seungkwan #vernon #dino #chwe hansol #kpop #kpopimagines #seventeen reaction #fanfic #kpop fanfic #svt fanfic #i actually died writing this #writing

[icyfox17]

All this to sayyyyy, what have you been up to lately? Watched anything, written anything, read anything, so on and so forth?

Also here have a flower: 🌺

HI HI HI HI HI

IVE CONTINUED MY BINGE OF ELEMENRARYY ITS SO GOODIFJDOEHFKFKD

I took a break from it to binge yt but I remembered its existence lately so I am now continuing it

It's a Sherlock Holmes adaptation!!! I'm much more attached to it than the BBC version tho I do still adore the BBC version, but . Elementary is way better imo

Elementary!Sherlock is sooo big brother he's so :(( /pos I love him sm

I did do some writing today!!! I was hanging out in the library with my friend and we were vibing to my rainy day playlist IT WAS SO VIBES and while she did hw, I did some writing :D it's not a lot but I enjoyed writing it ^-^ it's the first time I've written first person in years, I used to swear against it but recently I've read a few first pov short stories for class n stuff and I've realised it can actually be used very effectively :0 so I wanted to try it!!

Leaves of auburn and ochre painted the sky above me, their scent of sweetness and musk pungent in the wind.

I sat there, listening to the soft creaking of the trees swaying, thinking of how small I felt in that moment. To these tall oak trees, who had all loved hundreds of years, my life was a simple speck, nothing more than one of those dew drops that they felt on their leaves in the early morning.

It's not a lot bc I ran out of time bUTTT I really like it ^-^

RN IM READING WITCHLANDS ITS SO GOOD GRACIE U NEED TO READ IT OUOGIGOGIIGIG ITS 4/4 SBI BEST 4/4 FIC IVE EVER READ ITS HIGH FANTASY AND REALLY GOOD HURT COMFORT OGUFOHIFOHSJDJGK AND DID I MENTION 4/4??? THAT MEANS SANDDUOOOO

LOOK AT FHJS SHITBDJFFKKFKFG HE LIKES PHILS LAUGH :((( HE INSTANTLY CLOCKED HIM AS A DAD :((( I CANT DO THISJDJFISOWHRIFKF BAWKS MY EYES OUT

Also there's a LOT of crimeboys ^-^

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32581789?view_full_work=true

Uhmmm and a LOT of twinsduo angst oops

Everyone's super wholesome except twinsduo criessss but they get their happy ending . Eventually SHFJGKFKFKKGG BUT YEAH ITS GENUINELY LIKE ONE OF MY TOP FIVE FICS EVER I ADORE IT SO MUCH OHMYGODFHDF

I'm hopefully gonna make chai tea (steeped in milk ^-^) but I ate too much dinner so we'll see if I have room for it :00

The rainy day vibes have been wonderful today!! I am so so happ ^-^

#foxieasks #grace tag #ty for the flower king :D #here is one in return for you 🪷

[garoujo]

hello hello emmie ! <3 how is ur work going so far for today ?? i hope all is well for u ! i've come to brainrot about nagi again bcs eee i cant help it!

⠀:¨ ·.· ¨:⠀ ⠀ `· . ୨୧⠀

and this time its florist!nagi who fell in love with his new regular customer who very much loves flowers sm so they keep coming back to buy at his flower shop ˃̵ᴗ˂̵ so what he does to convey his feelings towards them is to give them a flower but with a hidden meaning, every time they stop by his shop! so its more like he is showing his true feelings through the language of flowers <33 i kept thinking about it bcs i own a book about the language of flowers and i cant help thinking about him being a cute florist !! i also wanted to share that im beginning to see a pattern about the characters that i like from diff. shows ! and its all about a certain hair color thats either white/light coloured ! for ex.: inumaki, gojo , kaneki, sessho, nagi , tomoe, decim- the list goes on and i just realized it now ! theres something about white haired men i swear ?! also i just started binge-reading ur one shot series with the jjk men and I AM SO HOOKED i cant wait to read more ! its like everytime i read ur works i always end up either smiling or giggling pls- i hope u always take care emmie ! dont forget to take breaks in between whenever u feel tired <33 wishing u the bestest as always !

hewo lovely nonnie !!! snifle im sorry it took me sooo super long 2 reply 2 this but i wanted 2 be able 2 give u allll of my attention out of work so i’m home now ^_^ work was okie !!! a lil boring but atleast i am home curled up in my bed + playing genshin now <3 u r ofc ofc ofcccc always welcome 2 come brainrot about him !!! i hope you’ve had the best day also o_O !

eeeeee stop flourist!nagi is so cute i can imagine him w a lil apron on + everything ! why is the thought of the big sleepy bbie arranging some flowers so cute <3 he probs has rly super good attention 2 detail also !!! ur ideas are just the sweetest ever istg >///< no cause fr ! ur just like me ! i have such a favouring 4 white hair men i love them i cant help it .. !

also omg super glad ur enjoying my lil series ! i shud hopefully have it finished 2 since i got some sudden ideas 2 finally finish it so hopefully that’ll come soon <33 snifle u are just such a sweetheart ! tht is exactly how i act reading ur asks ^_^ take care of urself bbie !!! sending soooo much hugs rn !!!

#ʚ ₊˚ 💬 — new emmail. #ʚ ₊˚ ⌕ — nonnie. #i am always tired so i wish i could be on break always !!! ;;;o;;; but fank yew bbie i appreciate how kind u are 2 me sooo much !!! #i hope ur drinking loads of water + the world is being kind 2 u !!! #wishing u nothing but good days + nights my loooove <333

[campgender]

Yes! Just! Like oh good lord, jesus, yes! Ik u havent even had time 2 respond 2 the rest of my ask (understandable, I am Also nothin if not long winded), & here Im already adding more 2 the pile, but! Ok I didnt wanna like, b 2 presumptuous abt exactly Y it felt like we’re parallel (waves! Hi!) but I also totally was thinkin abt stuff like ‘Im subby af & I think its 4 sure A Factor cuz idk abt Mac but I get the feeling ze is decidedly Less So’ & then u said high femmedom & it was like yes! 1/4

Hello! (Sidenote, ace/stone/sub/bottom combo means I took a Comically long time 2 figure out that those 1st 2 traits werent just extensions of the 2nd 2 lol) Stone resonance, I love that, omigosh. & I think thats exactly where the parallel gets so interesting, w/ the allergy friendly cake (ur talking 2 a fellow ‘I cant eat anything’ celiac here), cuz that ‘Asking 2 much’,

4 me its like, I feel like Im still v much reeling & relishing in the freedom/fear mix of like, submissive acts ofservice r still Acts Of Service & u can b uncomfy w/ them, or even just U Can B Uncomfy W/ Shit, Period, like w/o the need 2 ‘Make up 4 it’, so the idea of sum1 getting off on those boundaries is like, not Bad, but it feels like it kinda undercuts these still v new & healing ideas 4 me, ykno? Like I need it 2 b ok even when no 1 is conveniently in2 it.

& ofc this is me talking on a personal level, like I absolutely Get wanting ppl 2 b in2 it & I love that 4 u, omg. <3 Also that last paragraph, holy shit, I want that, like, on a shirt or embroidered on smth, omg. If this is a disease I sure hope its sexually transmitted, I mean goddamn! Hopefully Im not monopolizing ur inbox lol, but u continue 2 b a poet & a delight. <3 -Baby

omg thank youuu this was, as always, lovely to receive & truly so so validating. that’s the first time anyone has said i have dom vibes & it genuinely makes me tear up 🥺💓💓 also omg stone celiac solidarity!!! <33 that’s so exciting & truly makes me feel like someone out there Gets It

i absolutely feel & affirm smashing the perceived need to “make up for” something to smithereens, that makes a ton of sense & definitely resonates with feelings / needs from a given sexual interaction that i kinda fluctuate in & out of these days. i’m proud of you for doing your best to honor yourself & your boundaries & wish you so much love on this journey!!

& tyyy omg, you’re a delight & i appreciate hearing your thoughts & experiences so much!! also thrilled you appreciated my high femmedom verbiage lol, a fun mac fact is my favorite porn genre in my early 20s was vids that involved a woman getting a guy off without touching him, particularly cbt & getting off on her shoe. & now i’m looking back at that like babe u were sooo oblivious oh my god

like so much of my sexual journey rn is looking at my past self & zyr desires & being like “guess what, you can just do that.” it’s a process that’s baffling + frustrating + deeply pleasurable, & i’m interested to see what other connections remain for me to make. i’ve been keeping a journal of sorts to try to trace these themes with the hope of doing more of what i enjoy in my life

a different thought i’ve been turning over lately & wanted to share with you is how my particular experience of stone + domming + disability troubles the concept of what it means to top someone. like, guys have told me how to fuck myself & i’ve told people how to fuck themselves, & the former were tops or vers who considered that an act of topping me whereas i’m high femme, & the only difference is they wanted it to be their cock rather than my toy whereas i wouldn’t want anything different if i was with someone in person.

so it’s like, is the fantasy what constructs this act differently? the omnipresence of my boundaries? i don’t think there’s a single answer, it’s just fascinating. obv some people don’t consider virtual sex acts to be fucking at all, which i love how my disability + stone + denial challenges bc again, i can fuck someone without touching them in person, too lol

as always thank you for so much food for thought + sense of community!! hope ur doing well, all the best to you 💓💓

#mac.txt #asks #but what gets it for me is high femme #places to be had by #cripsex

[surlifen]

tuesday my new boy tuesday... i care him huge

design by dvnepaws

#i know i get a new character every 3 minutes and yall cant keep track of whos who at this point #but #i like him sooo much rn so hopefully u will see more of him #tuesday

[hongism]

okay i FINALLY finished 41 and 42 and i just dont even KNOW what to say!!!! firstly they were amazing like holy shit?.?,?,!:! forgive me everyone but im a shooter for hongjoong yes hes an ass but i LOVE HIM AND HIS CHARACTER SO MUCH HES STILL MY FAV like yeah he made a hard choice and a choice that looks bad from this pov but im waiting for the justification and the consequences on his end bc i know its gonna be delicious!

san and yn….. otp…. BUT! i want nothing more than for hongjoong to fall for yn and feel a heap load of guilt for acting like a bastard😎

i actually love that shes with jisung rn bc mc’s being hostages and going through shit and suffering is like my fav thing? bc i love pain and angst? so yeah its all amazing!!

okay so i kinda have a theory that yn was a slave in yeosangs home castle or whatever but i may be waaaay off bc yeo and woo obviously knew her when she was a slave/kid and ill die on that hill

also the ending of 42? what am i supposed to just cry myself to sleep now? wooyoung hurting hurts me more than anything😤😤 woo protection squad right here

anyways i loved them sooo so much you are amazing as always queen of fantasy🖤🖤

-solar🌙

solar bestie beloved mi amor HI!!! im finally getting around to responding to moc comments dkfgjdlfjg im sorry im like 10 years late </3 BUT! i’m so glad u enjoyed both chapters omg T^T that makes me so happy to hear !! and im glad we have another member in the shooters for hongjoong club too 😎 it excites me greatly heh everyone else can MOVE !! it’ll make sense it’ll all add up it’ll COME TOGETHER PINKY PROMISE!!!

perhaps there’s a way to have both san and yn and hongjoong and yn.... we’ll see :3

but i’ve got a lot of fun things planned for mc’s stay with jisung too hehe i’ve been outlining today actually it’s coming together nicely :p

as for your theory... you know i can’t say anything BUT.... i see you... i see you....

now listen the end of 42... i’m sorry im SORRY it was a necessary pain i promise you know i would never hurt wooyoung unless i had to T^T

but anywho im thrilled you loved them my dearest im so so excited to share more hehehehe <3 hopefully soon :3

#mists of celeste #moc: spoilers #solar🌙

[nyangjjunie]

omg i love that name, it’s so adorable!! and wHAT you’re from the philippines?? THAT’S SO COOL, i’ve always wanted to go there!! i was born and raised in england until i was 14 and now i live in germany!

ahhhh i’m so looking forward to talking to you fjdndj

my ults?? oh boy

so my ult used to be?? bts’ taehyung but kinda not anymore because their comebacks aren’t really my taste anymore, you know?

sooo it switched to txt’s yeonjun, it took him like 2 months to become my ult lmao that boy is quick

other than those i like nct, enhypen, stray kids, monsta x, exo, bp, itzy and i can’t think of anyone else rn (my biases are yangyang, jake, hyunjin, i.m, baekhyun, lisa and ryujin)

my friend is actually trying to get me to like the boyz but i don’t know anyone except for juyeon yet

what about you b??

- 🌻

HI LMAO I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SLEEP but omg england and germany?? :0 hopefully though everything goes back to normal soon so we can finally travel!! man idk ever since quarantine started i just had the sudden urge to travel but yeah hopefully covid goes away soon!!

ALSO YEAH i kind of get that too, bts' music really changed over the years and theyre still great and its nice seeing them try new styles, but its understandable if it doesnt cater to everyone's tastes! that just goes for music in general so its totally okay to feel that way anon :D

ALSO LMAOO i cant even blame you for ulting yeonjun THAT quick he just has that,, YOU KNOW??? SPELL I GUESS IDK BUT SERIOUSLY HOW CAN ANYONE RESIST HIM FR

looking at the groups u like....... CHEFS KISS and thats on having good taste!

i really hope u get into the boyz tho theyre so many but theyre also very easy to love AFBFHJFH lmk if ever you wanna know anything about them,,, i just became a fan of them during april 2021 when kingdom started! and i really regret not stanning earlier :")

for my ults, hm rn it's got to be treasure the boyz and txt! i actually started stanning txt like around 2 weeks ago? yeah IM VERY NEW but PLEASEE i adore those 5 dorks so much and theyre just so so talented i could not resist at all,, after watching a few live performances i was like 'i just HAVE to stan them' because seriously theyre so talented and i also regret not stanning them before T_T i actually knew them already way back when they first debuted, but i was ulting a diff. group that time (which was skz!) and i didnt feel like stanning more groups because i was having a hard time in life back then too, so ;; but im in a good place now and im really glad to be in the right headspace to make more room in my heart for more kpop groups and appreciating their work ;v; sorry if i cant give a specific ult bias for each group tho like ,,, my bias list just changes like in txt one moment it’s beomgyu then it’s yeonjun and then the cycle continues LMAOO

#nyangjjunie - 🌻 anon #🎀 inbox ... !

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[jvncnt]

𝐡𝐞𝐲  𝐡𝐢  𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨  ,  beautiful  people  !  my  name  is  lenny  (  22  ,  she/her  ,  mst  )  &  i’m  absolutely  hyped  to  be  joining  this  amazing  group  !  it’s  honestly  been  a  hot  minute  since  i  last  rped  in  a  group  ,  but  i  truly  cannot  resist  anything  that  my  bbys  stephy  &  leia  come  up  with  so  here  i  am  !  i’m  bringing  you  my  boy  jayden  ,  a  completely  new  muse  ,  but  i’m  really  excited  to  develop  him  here  .  pls  bare  with  me  if  whatever  is  below  the  cut  is  a  mess  ,  that’s  just  representative  of  my  permanent  state  rn  sjkdlhfs  but  i  wanna  plot  with  each  &  every  one  of  you  ,  so  pls  hmu  !  give  this  post  a  like  or  slide  into  my  dms  ,  or  u  can  reach  me  via  d*sc*rd  @  lenny the pooh#3088  !  ily  all  already  ,  can’t  wait  to  be  a  part  of  this  group  ✨

*  𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐠𝐨𝐬  here  and  do  i  have  the  tea  for  you  .  jayden  is  back  in  bridgehampton  for  the  summer  ,  living  off  the  vincent’s  family  $670 million  net  worth  .  must  be  nice  to  come  back  home  to  the  hamptons  ,  i  wonder  what  his  fellow  class  of  2017  grads  think  of  his  return  .  you  know  ,  he  was  known  around  town  as  the  vainglorious  and  for  bhs  senior  superlatives  he  was  crowned  as  most  likely  to  punch  you  in  the  face .  i  wonder  if  that  still  holds  true  today  ,  a  lot  can  change  when  you  go  off  to  pace  university and  study  commercial  dance  .  either  way  ,  i  bet  he  is  still  very  steadfast  ,  assured  ,  truculent  and  heedless  .  hopefully  this  time  next  year  the  plans  to  dance  professionally  come  true  .  in  the  meantime  ,  i  look  forward  to  seeing  him  blast  cross  me  -  ed  sheeran  ,  chance  the  rapper  ,  &  pnb  rock  at  every  hamptons  function  .  it’s  going  to  be  a  wild  summer  home  ,  welcome  back  .

alright so i’ll just drop some bullet points here that’ll tell u all about jay !

( tw : mention of suicide , drugs )

his father is one of the most well-known boxers around , but not for anything great : he was a major heavyweight champ in his early days but shortly after jayden was born his mother committed suicide after a really difficult struggle with postpartum depression , which was not aided by her concern for her husband’s dangerous and demanding career — after that , everything sorta went downhill for jay’s father .

he was caught in one of the biggest drug busts in new york history and went to prison , leaving 10 year old jay in the hands of his paternal grandparents in the hamptons , who already were more like parents to him than his father would ever be .

his grandfather was a big time boxer in his day ( then worked as a mentor to some other big names until his retirement ) , and his son’s troubles disappointed him because he wanted the vincent legacy to live on , so he started mentoring jayden to reclaim the family name in the boxing world .

for a while things went well and jay was into the whole boxing thing , but his grandfather began to put more and more pressure on him as he grew older , along with everyone else around him — he was the star of bhs’ wrestling team and everyone envisioned him up on the big stage , giving creed a run for his money — but jayden couldn’t see it . he really wasn’t that into boxing . sure it gave him an excuse to punch shit and get his anger out , but that only goes so far until you begin to question the true meaning behind what you’re doing .

for jay , the only meaning he could see in pursuing a boxing career was to reclaim the vincent name that his father had tarnished all those years ago , as his grandfather wanted him to , but that moment of glory wasn’t enough to outweigh the lack of passion jay felt underneath every punch — not to mention how much he feared following in his father’s footsteps . he also wasn’t sure he wanted to give his father the satisfaction of reclaiming their throne .

so what was he going to do ? well , where his passion lacked in boxing , it absolutely thrived in dance . his grandmother founded a major dance studio in the hamptons and jay spent many evenings there while growing up . at first he just did homework in his grandmother’s office , but then he started snooping on classes out of boredom before he befriended one of the male teachers who convinced him to try out a class . and from there it kinda snowballed . his teacher turned into more of a mentor than his grandfather would ever be , and jay felt more excitement leading up to his dance classes than his boxing lessons .

his grandfather at first saw dance as a good way for jay to keep up his stamina and exercise in different ways , but then he started to notice the imbalance between his grandson’s passion for dance and for boxing and he grew frustrated . “ dancing’s not for vincent men , " he once told jay . “ grow some balls and throw some punches . ”

out of pure fear of his grandfather and disappointing him , jay continued to pursue his grandfather’s dreams for him and trained almost every day , but then he’d sneak away to late night dance sessions because he just couldn’t avoid how magnetized he was to a life of dance . the creativity , excitement , and pure fun held more meaning than boxing ever would for him , but it took him until high school graduation to properly admit that to himself .

his grandmother , the wonderful spitfire of a woman she is , sneakily led jay through the application process of every major dance academy across the states , even though her husband found no use in sending their future heavyweight champion grandson off to college . she’s always supported jay for every decision he’s made and wanted nothing but the best for him , whether it was boxing or dance or something completely different . she’s the source of all of his confidence , ambition , and determination .

it wasn’t until the acceptance letter came in the mail from pace university that jayden came clean to his grandfather . it was a messy , loud , stressful , emotional night , but his grandfather eventually realized there was no use in arguing or fighting — he raised jay to be strong , independent , and everything he wished his son had been , and he knew that when jay set his sights on something , he was going to do it no matter what .

WHEW ok now we come to the present : jay has been excelling in pace’s commercial dance program , his passion for dance blazing brighter than ever before , and he’s returned home to the hamptons every summer to visit his beloved grandparents . with his senior year coming up , he has already lined up several auditions for world tours and music videos and more to set his dance career in motion . he’s honestly looking forward to seeing his old bhs alumni over the summer and rubbing their noses in the success of his own future that he is writing .

as for a lil about his personality :

he’s well known as the vainglorious , aka excessively proud of oneself or one's achievements ; overly vain .

not to say he’s a bit of a dick but ... he’s a dick . 

as much as he hates to admit it , he definitely inherited his father’s hotheadedness and his utter selfishness .

he has always been the kid who doesn’t just think he’s the shit , but is the shit . he’s cocky in an annoyingly charming way and flirted his way up every social ladder during high school .

being the star of the wrestling team also didn’t help to deflate his ego sdljkhf like he didn’t love boxing or wrestling , but he knew he was damn good at it and just likes being the best .

as for some positives about my boy !! he is a charmer and he’s always loved to have fun . he spent so much of his childhood and teen years training and working hard that when he gets free time , whew he revels in it .

working hard is in his blood and he just oozes determination and will be your biggest hype man because he’s a dick but he still wants to see everyone succeed ! he knows what it feels like to be passionate about something and wanting to chase your dreams , and he will help you chase those dreams !!!

a big ol’ flirt , but he’s not really a player . he’s never been one to sleep around or act like breaking hearts is a sport . he grew up really admiring his grandparents’ marriage , all while remembering the poor relationship he knows his parents had , and definitely is a bit of a romantic . but that’s not to say he isn’t down to have some fun either lol

UUHHHH I REALLY DK WHAT ELSE TO SAY !!!

like i said , he’s a work in progress so i’m sorry this isn’t more detailed or fancy , i’m truly just so excited to be here that i wanted to get this up asap !

if you'd like to take a look at the shitty pinterest board i made for him , you can find it right here ! you can ignore the extra sections on it , it's a recycled board from an old muse but i'm leaving the connection sections there in case any of the pins work with the plots i get going with u !

as for connections , i’m truly down for anything and everything !! which i know is sooo basic to say but i’m forreal . if you have some angst or drama you wanna throw my way , i am here for it ! i also pride myself on my ability to brainstorm fun plots , so don’t be afraid to reach out !

xo ily

#entitled:intro #this is going without a gif bc i still gotta edit rome's #but hello happy saturday #pls love me

[jensungf]

nooo pls dont post less!!!!!! i need your cute lil posts about everything 😔🥺 yes cancer sun moon leo!! thats me uwu n i watch football a LOT LOT i love it so much, but its the kind that americans call soccer btw hahaha culture difference ✨ n no its not my bday!! its taeyongs bday!!! but we didnt go for lunch bc of that (or maybe we did 🤔) but my friend n i are quite close so we went for lunch bc of that!!! n also!! no need to be productive? whos that anyway, idk her :p red anon p1 💃

sooo for things i got!! some new converse shoes (black ones), an nct album 🙈 (pulled the bday boy uwuwuwu), handcream, somestickers n some cards bc im almost out of birthday cards to send/give! n yes i stan some other groups!! my faves are day6, red velvet n got7, but theres many more that i like! especially girlgroups hihi, basically day6 got7 and nct21 are the only boys i stan and i like to write but i dont publish it much bc im an insecure potato n theres an about me carrd if you dig p2/3 💃

omg this is becoming such a spam HAHAHAHAHAH ive been on tumblr for years upon years, although this account is on the newer side!! also i remembered i LOVE ITZY SO MUCH theyre definitely also in my faves! i think i also said in my deleted ask that i had been working on a header for a story ill most likely wont write skskskks how do you find motivation/inspiration uwu do you have any plans for today!! -red skirt anon 💃

ima put my response underneath hehe to avoid spamming ppls dash <3

ur so cute bub ily my posts are deadass shit posts but ok <333 excuse me if im being a bit dry hksdhjs im half awake like always hehe and i will be on the lookout for that 😳😳 and hakjd i figured hehe but omfg do u play football? and thats so cute nonetheless!!! i hope u n ur friend had fun hehe taeyong’s spirit appreciates ur hangout dedicated to him <3 and unfortunately i have chores to do and errands to run :cc and OMGGG YAY THOSE R ALL GOOD SPENDS OMG but thats so much money bub?? ru rich 😳😳😳 chenle vibes my dear

hahaha jk ofc but i havent had black converse since my emo phase when i was 11 omg i bet they look so cute on u! i prefer black chuck taylors/hightops hehe wbu bub? also which album did u buy!!! ur blessed by the bday boy himself how adorable 🥺 ooo do u get any specific brand or scent of hand cream? i rly like the tonymoly rose scented ones haha but i ran out :c and i LOVE STICKERS my little sister has a lot and i always steal from her!! she usually uses them in her bujo haha do u use them for fun or on ur art/bujo? and thats so cute omfg stocking up on bday cards is something kinda traditional no one does anymore but thats so cute <333 i admire ur tast ein doing things

omg i dont stan any of those groups besides got7 and unfortunately i havent stanned any gg since sistar disbanded but who r ur biases bub?? ive listened to some day6 but if u have any recs lmkkkk and rv r queens <3 and ive heard about itzy!! i dont know too much about them but theyre all stunning and iconic queens (ive seen ryujin and lia hahaha) 

omg bub ur not an insecure potato,, i would lov to read ur writings and i bet theyre amazing! everyone has room for improvement but dont be shy hehe im sure ur writings would pique everyones interest! and time to go digging thru all my moots again round 2 hhhh 

and its ok hehehe thats pretty cool! ive been on tumblr since like,, 2015 or sum but like i fell out for two yrs and remade in march this yr haha so i feel u and OMG HEADERS i had the most trouble making headers cus i usually find a random pic of them i think is nice and slap on some txt using canva and call it a day!! id love to see ur header!! what do u use to make it?? (++ pls write a story for it i would love to read it 🥺🥺) and honestly idk sometimes inspo randomly hits and my motivation fluctuates!! like rn my wip is flopping cus i dont have any motivation to sit down and write but some of my other stories are spur of the moment writings hahah like better together or jsmr bc i was watching jenos jsmr fails or i fell off my bike and i decided to get inspired while sitting on the couch ahkdhfks so i think its diff for everyone!

and no hehe i dont besides doing stuff online for my fam and /hopefully/ making progress on my wip :c wbu bub???

#hoo boi this was long #sorry bub hope u dont mind #leyna.asks #red skirt anon 💃 #secret admirer💌

[cheerioss]

season finale analysis?? (reaction?? idk)

sooo miracle queen aired so i watched them together. if u haven't watched it yet u can scroll your way out of here to the next post cuz mobile ain't letting me add the cut anytime soon :))

---

loveater/ heart hunter (apparently that's the english name) this is in no particular order im just throwimg my thoughts here

well honestly im confused. like audrey and andre were not getting along amd suddenly they are all lovey dovey again after akumatisation?? cool. i guess the akuma makes sense but overall not really that amazing and kinda pointless to me besides tryna use that to get chloe on her side and master fu's location

awww i think the friendship between adrien, mari and kagami is pure. and marinette didn't stutter!! im proud of my girl!! this is the kind of content i really love to see and it makes me happy when the writers do that :)

umm andre's flavour combis are a little weird tho like orange and peppermint?? no offence i wouldn't eat that together

also mari looks so pretty with her hair down and the way she helped her friends escape. and ended up breaking her own heart to help kagami

and if im being honest, not just cuz im bias to the love square but the relationship between adrien and kagami is weird for me cuz all season i haven't seen that development?? adrien was so hung up on ladybug (which he should have stopped confessing since in glaciator he said her friendship was all that matters but okay) and suddenly kagami?? sorry but i just cant with it unless there's something in felix and chat blanc but i doubt it

luka was cool tho, like he was just being there for mari and all patient while mari had a breakdown.

hawky's plan was actually not bad tho if im being honest here. and chloe should have already learnt about not getting bee back in miraculer right?? sorry i cant rmb rn if she did

overall other than the initial sadness cuz of the lovesquare before watching. now that i've did, it just doesnt reallly... feel like a finale to me. just trying to push some relationships and kinda unlearnt lessons that should be learnt before this. also random 'subplot' of audrey and andre that just resolved out of nowhere. but im happy to finally see marinette being human and go through emotional breakdowns from stress and all her responsibilities.

---

miracle queen. right i couldnt find subs unfortunately so im going in based on visuals and sucky youtube captions (which only worked for a few lines) once more not in order

akuma was basically queen wasp but the victims are mind controlled instead of frozen. not fantastic honestly in my opinion. also looks almost exactly like queen wasp

so identities are comprimised which cause problems. i actually think this is okay and i hope to see how mari deals with this

i really love that ladynoir moment cuz it shows how much they care for and trust each other. all love aside. it means that there is development and hopefully they grow to love each other completely, both sides of mask and all

also pegasus did u just send cat noir to the flipping sun?? kim's special power was actually pretty funny. pretty cool to see dragonbug and snake noir ngl

again i love how they show marinette having meltdowns from the stress. she can feel negative emotions!!

chloe going after the akuma willingly just showed how she just wanted to be a superhero and get apporval and all. wanna see how that plays out maybe

not sure what happened with fu as couldnt understand but i think he forgot miraculouses existed or something?? and he reuntied with marianne!!

the ending was sorta bittersweet. and idk if it's just me but i feel like mari's eyes looked kinda weird. maybe it was the eyebags?? idk but im cool with it

side note i called it when i thought that something would happen during that supposed adrigami kiss. but not the point hehe oops. also pretty upset that she chose adrien over friendship even after all the things mari's done for her. my opinion tho u are welcome to disagree if u want

overall it's a meh. some good moments but meh.

---

as i've said earlier i feel like this isnt a finale. the staff said we'll cry but other than the initial disappointment before i jumped in that the love square is crushed and that our 2 idiots are still big idiots, not really the emotional episode i was hyping for.

i also feel like it's sorta all over the place. like they're tryna push for 2 relationships that i didnt really see developing.

in adrigami i see kagami constantly pushing for a choice. like yea i was like ooooh she just said that when she said adrien's indecisiveness hurt her (based on the minimal subtitles youtube caught), but to me i feel like she's not giving adrien the time to sort out his feelings and was just hounding on him when she got the chance. i feel like it isn't going to work (my love square shipping heart thrown out the window at this point so not biasness but from perspective)

lukanette tho. luka is as for now, flawless. he's patient kind and at first i thought how being with him is pretty healthy. but now it's just... "perfect". and that's not really gonna end well?? not really sure if there would even be a start. maybe be a brother figure but not conviced as love interest. also again out of nowhere.

im actually excited at the prospect of a platonic lovesquare but u cant just throw all these soft looks from adrien towards marinette (finale has some too) and expect me to believe that nothing's happening. he should at least be denying some feelings right?? he cant possibly only have 1 brain cell his whole life that doesnt think about it. like it would make more sense (to me) to develop adrien's relationship with mari, platonic or not.

chloe-- cant really see her getting her redemption arc soon. she needs to really be faced with the reality for her actions and learn that superheroes isnt all action and attention and glory and that ladybug is looking out for her by not giving her the miraculous anymore. not keep insisting and turning to the dark side for superpowers.

i also dont really see the point of the love rivals?? i rather they take care of themselves and grow and mature without love being in it. i think it would be a good lesson to learn. to take the time to care about yourself and learn wut is best for u and learn about yourself before plunging into a relationship with all these things. the love rivals make everything crazier and doesnt help the situation. just makes the already complicated love square more complicated, then chucking it to the side for now. doesnt make sense to me even tho im sure they'll grow to be better versions of themselves cuz it's so out of the blue to me @gale-of-the-nomads mentioned it in his review and when i read it i really feel like he took the words out of my mind and put it into words. but i still respect the writer's work and will anticipate the next season to see their story play out :)

so... yea ://

#ml loveater #loveater #heart hunter #ml miracle queen #miracle queen #ml #mlb #mlb season 3 #ml season 3 spoilers #ml spoilers #miraculous spoilers #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #ml season finale

[thegeminisage]

alright im about to watch 5.03 of merlin for the 2nd time ever

because if i dont do it now i may NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE

but first i wanna get out of the way that i thought merlin convincing arthur to keep the ban on magic in 5.05 because he was trying to thwart ~*~destiny~*~ or whatever is the laziest writing ever, it’s unsatisfying for the audience, it renders the rest of the last season utterly pointless, it’s unfair to merlin and arthur, and the tonal shift of the show from farting trolls in season 2 to full greek tragedy in season 5 was completely unwarranted and i feel TRICKED as a human person because i expected the end to be bittersweet and make me sad, not table-flipping angry, and i do not at all have high hopes for the finale

but i can ignore something having a “bad last five minutes” i did it for life is strange and final fantasy 13-2 i will do it for merlin but honestly 

speaking on 5.03, after it was over the first time i was like “i can never write my fanfic now because nothing i ever do will be as good as that” but i’m really relieved in that way that that was apparently the last good episode of merlin because now i can continue my work in peace and maybe hopefully even actually finish it

okay commence the liveblog:

love that arthur and merlin are down to just jump off their horses whenever random women start screaming in the distance. season 5 could have been so good, they’re so much more grown up and in sync with one another, i absolutely LOVE their #vibe

it was interesting to me also that arthur DEMANDED a fair trial for this woman despite her being accused of sorcery. god, he was SO CLOSE?? that hatred of magic just can’t really take root in him especially with uther gone...arthur may be an asshole in the early seasons, and he may be quick to anger and quick to lash out in that anger, but it’s just not in him to be cruel, especially needlessly

EVEN THIS LADY IS LIKE “u showed kindness and compassion” arthur is a Good Boy deep down he is he IS he didn’t care a bit about that horn she gave him but still politely said it was beautiful

although lmao the way his face changed when she said it was magic...that’s the STUFF

lowkey losing it at athony head in the credits. i was looking to see if he’d be in the s5 ones since he’s dead and didn’t see him in 5.01 or 5.02 so when i DID see him in 5.03 i was like haha no way did they pay to put him in here i guess i just missed him the first couple of times BUT I WAS WRONG

like, in buffy, they spend an entire episode trying to decide whether or not to necromance their mom or whatever and she doesnt actually APPEAR IN THE EP they never SEE her i thought this would be an episode ABOUT uther i didn’t think uther would be IN it

love that from the get-go arthur’s face screams “i am thinking about making a terrible mistake” and merlin’s face is like “he is thinking about making a terrible mistake”

i’m quite proud of merlin in s5 actually. bad writing aside he uses multiple braincells many times per episode. it’s a vast improvement. same energy as clary from shadowhunters right down to getting shafted in his final season

ive said it before and ill say it again gwen looks SOOO GOOOOD as queen

if this is the anniversary of uther’s death then (if you go by 1 season = 1 year) arthur just turned 30...it’s been nine years and change since merlin met him, and by the end of season 5 it will have been an entire decade

in an otherwise increddibly heavy episode arthur panicking and throwing all the apples out of the bowl so he could cover the horn with it is absolutely priceless. season 5 if nothing else has really hammered home for me what a TERRIBLE liar arthur is - merlin got good at it fast out of necessity but arthur can’t hold a poker face to save his LIFE. “leave it.” “why??” “because i’m telling you to and i’m the king of camelot” buddy......

we were ROBBED. if there had ever been a day where arthur came to accept merlin’s magic but still had to help merlin hide it there could have been an entire episode of arthur nearly blowing merlin’s cover because he’s a nervous nelly and at the end he goes “i cant believe you have had to do this 24/7 for YEARS without a single friend to help you” and merlin goes “well now i have you” anyway.

i love also that repeatedly when arthur goes to do something scary by himself he also brings merlin. they LITERALLY are two halves of a whole

“you’re threatening me with a spoon??” i can’t tell you about the unfortunate fanfics i have seen involving The Spoon. i shall also not mention the ones involving The Glove. we will not speak of it

I CANNOT BELIEVE STONEHENGE IS IIN MERLIN. i got so agitated i did not pay one bit of attention to the conversation following its reveal and me and cathy and had to rewind so i could listen properly

my hate-on for stonehenge goes thusly: stonehenge apocalypse, starring misha collins, is @callowyn‘s favorite movie. i have seen it 45 times. i hate it nearly as much as she loves it. it’s an age-old battle

merlin is so intense when he looks for signs in arthur that he DOESN’T totally hate magic...arthur using magic to see his dad again is one of those signs. he’s willing to turn to it in desperation - maybe he’d be willing in less desperate times too

“my father was taken from me before his time” i mean...he was practically in a coma. so like. he wasn’t

love that when arthur mentions merlins dad ONCE he immediately looks like he’s about to cry. mood. i also want to cry every time i think about merlins dad

up until the moment i laid eyes on uther i was SURE they werent actually gonna do it. i came into this thinking it was a FLASHBACK EP

for the record (and believe me i NEVER thought i’d say this) even though i waited and waited for his demise and cheered when he was gona for good...i really missed uther in season 4. at least with uther you know what you’re getting. agravaine (his replacement as “evil guy who keeps us from being able to solve our problems too easily”) was a slimy cowardly CREEP. and in season 5 i WISH things were as simple as “work around uther’s pigheaded unreasonableness”

for a hot second i really thought uther and arthur would have a nice conversation where they reconciled or said something heartwarming. i was worried about an uther redemption arc - this guy is responsible for the genocide of magic users, he doesn’t deserve redemption - but this show said NOT TODAY and they said it QUICK

WE

ARE

SO

BLESSED

i have A LOT of issues with season 5 but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS WAS DADDY ISSUES 2.0 BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD

repressed trauma returns: harder better faster stronger!! that’s the STUFF

was i not just speaking the other day on my fanfic ask meme about how i love emotionally intense stuff? this is IT babey

uther’s such a bad father! he’s with his only child again for the last time in ever and all he does is tear him a new one! this is why arthur’s such a fucked-up human being (morgana too) 

i’m THRILLED we got to revisit this. his eyes get bigger and bigger and he starts fucking stammering and by the time uther’s done calling him weak and a failure he looks ready to CRY. i was HOLLERING. i still couldnt believe uther was even HERE and not only is he HERE he’s a WRECKING BALL

“this CAN’T be the last time i’ll ever see you” oh buddy you’re gonna wish it was

and he looks back, as he leaves. of COURSE he does. just like lot’s wife. so it goes.

you know how at the end of every supernatural episode sam and dean debrief and talk about their feelings in the car? for merlin and arthur it’s almost always done around a campfire at night - sometimes in arthur’s chambers or other places, but usually out here in the wilderness where it’s just the two of them. i’m...really going to miss it, when it’s gone.

“my father doesn’t approve of the way i’ve chosen to rule his kingdom” “you mean YOUR kingdom”

you know i don’t think i really got...like, fundamentally, on a deep level...that merlin fucking HATES uther

i’ve seen him save uther’s miserable life so many fucking times that i thought for merlin it was kind of the way it was with gwen - he feels nothing for him, but he looks after him for arthur’s sake (or as i came to understand later because he’s professor x about the whole thing)

but the way his expression got SO UGLY when arthur revealed that uther just shit-talked him the entire time...holy fuck

between that & some other stuff that happens later it really paints a clearer picture of like...uther’s dead so merlin doesn't have to hold back anymore and he FUCKING HATES HIM?? like obviously he SHOULD bu i just never SAW it before this. merlin LOATHES him. it’s INCREDIBLE to witness when he bore it so silently for so long. maybe even merlin didn’t realize just how much he hated him until now

and not to get too real here but if youve ever been friends with someone who had an abusive/toxic parent or was in an abusive/toxic relationship and you watch them feeling like shit after and they start making excuses for that asshole like “oh yeah he’s right about x” and you just want to find this horrible person and THROTTLE THEM that emotion is like ALL OVER merlin’s face rn. i didn’t actually seriously "”ship”” merlin and arthur until late season 4/early season 5 (i didnt like dislike it i just wasnt actively bothered by a lack of it) and what changed was this vibe. merlin wants to kill uther all over again just because he made arthur feel this way. he’s so fuckijng PROTECTIVE

and he still almost manages to drag a smile out of him via roasting, god bless these 2

ok so i didnt believe this show would actually DO THAT re: putting uther himself in this ep but i was doubly shocked by the fact that he HITCHED A RIDE AND GOT OUT

me shrieking during this entire poltergeist sequence: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT’S REALLY HIM?? HOLY FUCK HE IS LITERALLY HAUNTING ARTHUR I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE DOING THIS I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE GIVING US THIS etc etc etc

actually most of that was probably muffled nonsense because i was yelling with both hands over my mouth

percival’s the realest motherfucker on this whole show. dude survives a murder attempt in which he got an AXE lobbed at him by the fucking GHOST of a power-mad genocidal king and he’s like: yeah idk i guess it fell

there was thunder in the bg for this WHOLE ep and i’m Big into it

absolutely CACKLING at the bit where merlin has to ask arthur if he looked back at uther’s spirit. it’s one of those nice big heavy questions - so heavy, in fact, that arthur can’t answer, can’t even LOOK at merlin, either because he’s ashamed or because he’s bugging out or both. you thought this shit was over? it’s never over! daddy issues are a lifelong ride, pal! arthur’s just get to haunt him literally this time. god it’s so fucking good

can i just say? merlin reads that damning silence reeeal well. and it’s a big, heavy thing to know about arthur - but then again he knows all the big heavy things about arthur

the score for this episode is really good too...very suspenseful and good, adds a lot to the atmosphere, keeps it from getting too slow

there’s a hint of merlin’s absolute HATRED of uther in this conversation again - the way his face tightens when he says “uther would do anything to protect his legacy and that makes him dangerous, who knows what he’s capable of now”

and arthur dismisses him because he can’t hear this but merlin almost refuses to leave - and when he DOES leave, he doesn’t take his eyes off arthur for one fucking second. he stares him down all the way out of the room. i don’t think it’s because he’s angry with arthur, per se - he’s angry with uther, and he knows uther in a way arthur never can or will, as someone ruthless who will kill without warning or remorse. he’s afraid of uther and he’s trying to get arthur to be afraid of uther too before it’s too late and LSDKFJGHSLDFJH

if you’re thinking “thats a lot to interpret from one look” yes it is but i’m right. IT’S A BIG, HEAVY LOOK. NICE AND LOADED. love unpacking all of that

i cant believe this dude tried to KILL GWEN like he really is coming after everything that makes arthur happy. im so glad it was merlin that saved her. i really do think merlin is her best friend

multiple times in this serious arthur fidgets when he’s nervous or thinking, usually with his hands near his mouth. i am endeared to him. my poor boy

“i always knew my father could be cruel but why would he do this to gwen when he knows i love her” BECAUSE HE’S CRUEL

merlin knows. merlin knows his cruelty much better than arthur. boy does he know. i’m dying. it’s fine

love that at this part of the ep we slide seamlessly into the “merlin and arthur are both scared shitless” section which was truly one of my favorite things about the s4 opener. they’re both so fucking jumpy and giving each other shit about being frightened and continuing to be frightened anyway. the DELICIOUS IRONY of arthur finally being scared of uther in the way merlin has been scared of uther for Y E A R S oh my god it’s so GOOD

do also love the entire silent conversation they have when deciding what to do about the door. this is what i mean by their upgraded vibe.l in the early seasons merlin wouldn’t have understood and his lack of understanding would have been played for laughs. now they’re totally in sync

here’s the thing, gaius could have made this magic “able to see uther’s ghost” potion for just arthur and he didn’t. he made it for both of them. everything arthur does merlin does. they’re partners in all things. they’re COMPANIONS. and this is why i finally now Ship It. tragic.

you know this is a kind of weird comparison but late seasons arthur reminds me JUST a bit of gwaine. he complains so much less that he sort of has that same “roll with whatever” vibe to him. pretend to faint so you can steal some guy’s dagger? why not. take this foul potion that may kill us? sure, let’s do it. come what may he’s not really fussed. much more unflappable

until he starts getting spooked again LMFAO 

we do love a good pair of spooked dumbasses. this is charming and entertaining.

leon HAD to know they were lying about poetry. he probably thought they were having.......a tryst,

love also that even in this very dire moment merlin does NOT miss the chance to have some fun at arthur’s expense. that’s true friendship

i got jumpscared three separate times during this ep and one of them was when uther was glaring down merlin and arthur in the hallway after leon left

arthur didn’t jump but he did go hunting after him and to his credit he does not look scared. he looks like a man who is trying to deal with his business and get his shit together

merlin made that FACE again when arthur expressed sadness at hunting his own father because all he ever wanted to DO was make him proud

honestly it’s like since he can’t shit-talk uther he just sings arthur’s praises instead like this here is a guy who is just barely holding his tongue about how fuckin pissed he is. i cant believe it

splitting up was the WORST idea. have they not seen scooby doo??

love that when merlin gets cornered by uther’s ghost and gets scared he yells for arthur and when arthur gets scared because his torch blows out he yells for merlin. you fools, why did you SPLIT UP

uther locks arthur in the room with him, which is already some top tier content, but doubly good? it’s the same room in which arthur nearly ran him through in 2.08. don’t think i didn’t notice. i did notice. i was shrieking into my hands.

seriously this is a pretty calm liveblog but the first time i watched this ep my face was like this the whole time: O O

just kept going “HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD” over and over. it was greeat

“arthur your fatal flaw is that you put too much trust in other people” do you think arthur, who now has a complex about people betraying him, ever forgot that for one second in his entire life afterward? me neither

speaking of 2.08 arthur dropped some FACTS “your hatred comes from fear” i'm sure they didn’t do it on purpose but #throwbacks

i’m fully experiencing human emotion. “i’m not you, i can’t rule like you did” he’s trying SO HARD to fight his way out of that bullshit

also lmao arthur like “then you’ll have to kill me” and uther like “yeah okay” arthur didn’t KNOW how this man was this could have been SUCH a good awakening

AND NOW IT’S TIME

FOR MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS EPISODE

when i say merlin hates uther. WHEN I SAY MERLIN H A T E S UTHER

HIS LINE HERE. ok. “get away from him, uther. you’ve caused enough harm” he’s furious! he’s GROWLING! 

“you are just a serving boy” “i am much more than that” listen. human words cannot express the emotion that ran through me. when they said “we’re gonna bring back anthony head as uther” i doubted. when they said “he’s gonna be the bad guy and reopen all of arthur’s old wounds” i doubted. when they said “he’s still here LITERALLY haunting arthur who now has to HUNT HIM” I DOUBTED. i didn’t believe they’d do any of it until it was happening on my screen. but ONE LOOK at merlins face made a MOTHERFUCKING BELIEVER out of me. i knew exactly what he was about to do. pretty sure i gasped “NO” in astonishment

AND HE DID THAT

HE👏

DID👏

THAT👏

NOT ONLY. DID I SHRIEK ALOUD. FULL SCREAM. WHEN IT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME. BUT JUST NOW. WHEN I WATCHED HIM DO IT AGAIN. MORE SCREAMING.

how LONG do you think merlin had ACHED to do that

to show himself to uther for what he was, what he REALLY WAS, someone to be reckoned with instead of someone to be overlookedd, without fear of consequences

i can’t even like

like just imagine the triple rush of 1. satisfaction 2. rage 3. lingering habitual terror

i think at this moment merlin was closer to and more like morgana than he had ever been and maybe ever will be again. because the two of them have so much in common but one thing i didn’t really clock until now is how much they both hate uther

it’s so good. uther is SHOCKED and DISMAYED and this is like merlin’s old fear come back from death too (getting found out by uther) while at the same time being a dream come true (getting to tell uther what he really thinks, who he really is - “i was BORN with it!”) he’s so ANGRY! he is LIVID!)

he’s also really SATISFIED like “even while you were king there was magic at the heart of camelot” GOD how long has he been WAITING for this and not even realized it

and like then uther starts spewing his hateful bullshit and stalking forward with the intent to kill and my guy merlin who should be terrified STANDS HIS MOTHERFUCKING GROUND and says right over him “you’re wrong, you’re wrong” for thirty beautiful seconds merlin really got to be free. i know i will keep comparing things to 2.08 until i die but it’s just like when arthur was almost ready to kill uther in cold blood because for one perfect, brilliant moment he really and truly saw clearly the world as it was. i really love these moments...the strength of their respective convictions is so gratifying

merlin yeeting uther through a door is also gratifying although i have no idea what he hoped to accomplish by following without waking arthur first

i. LOVE. that the camera lingered a little on the spears or whatever after merlin walked by them. nice little foreshadowing moment

THOSE SPEARS GOT AWFULLY CLOSE BUT IM PRETTY SURE UTHER MISSED ON PURPOSE BECAUSE HE WANTED TO TAKE HIS TIME. HIS MISTAKE

okay merlin spent the better part of a lifetime dreading uther’s death sentence and here’s uther stalking down a hallway sword pointed at his chest and certain death is IMMINENT and what does merlin’s face look like?

arthur comes in with the rescue and INSTANTLY his expression changes to?

IT’S BETTER IN MOTION BUT HE LOOKS READY TO CRY

my immediate thought: oh jesus what if uther outs him

i knew he wouldnt bc of spoilers but i would bet a benjamin that that was merlin’s first thought too

tbh. i wish he had.

i kind of wonder if merlin doesn’t wish the same thing. like yes being outed like that is terribly violating and he’s terrified of telling arthur obviously or he would have already but at the same time there would be so much relief once it was finally out. no more secret-keeping. no more burden

i mean, if you go back and watch it, dude’s straight up shaking. he’s trembling all over. he’s losing it. that last teary glance they exchanged.......

uther was two SYLLABLES away from blowing the whole thing

and in a better happier canon where arthur knows and was waiting for merlin to tell him this is like double angst because uther wouldve ben blowing something for them both

i like arthurs followup of realizing that he’ll never be able to please uther (step 1 of breaking away from the cycle of abuse) but for the LIFE OF ME

i will NEVER be able to understand why they segued into this GLOVE THING

i’m not talking about the glove thing

i will say however that by the end of this episode i was so hysterical i had to get up and get water and pace around my kitchen for ten minutes fanning my own face

and that’s it. that’s the second-best episode of merlin and the last good episode there ever was

#personal #merlin blogging #it took me three and a half hours to rewatch this episode because i kept pausing to scream #MERLIN DESERVES TO BE OUT TO EVERYONE ALL THE TIME it's not FAIR #that episode deserved to be 20 minutes longer it ended too soon #in a happier world arthur found out about the magic and immediately took merlin's side and defended him against the genocidal maniac but app #apparently this show is a greek tragedy now

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: oi walsh Ali: wanna go to a party where the guestlist is undesirable Ali: not in the cool way Ali: but the drinks will be aplenty Carly: u had me @ party but keep talking Ali: obviously you love when I chat you up Ali: family function but they ain't gonna force smalltalk on you w the booze, like so no fear Carly: love wen ur offering 2 take me away Carly: compliments are a beautiful bonus Carly: ur hot bro gonna b there?? Ali: easy Ali: take you somewhere better than wherever he is after if you play your cards right Ali: and someone isn't too OD'd on beer and BBQ by tonight to organise a decent shindig Carly: yea lads r sooo easy Carly: its boring Carly: showing my cards we should get some 💊 & fly through it Ali: 👌 Ali: sadly my mother refuses to address her issues so no stocked medicine cabinet here to raid Ali: I'll ask about Carly: ha Carly: mine don't Carly: I've got this Carly: show your love later Ali: 🙌 Ali: gimme her number Ali: put in the groundwork now like the overachiever I am Carly: [does give her number out] Carly: k but you love me more Ali: obviously Ali: love of my life Ali: gotta rep my manners with your ma though Carly: said as ur slipping ur 💍 off & giving some other bitch the 👀 Carly: how my da works Ali: hmm Ali: better leave her alone then Ali: don't need to repeat her mistakes Carly: if 1 person did the cabinet wouldn't be full for us Carly: let's keep one 'rent 💔 at a time Ali: smart Ali: that's why you're my bae Carly: its cos I kno how to juggle 💘 Carly: & other body parts ofc Ali: 😂 Ali: and a decent trip, hopefully 🤞 Ali: your mum's got a mixture, yeah or do I need to bring tissues Ali: or 🥊 Ali: what's the #mood Carly: whatever you want it to be baby Carly: shes got docs wrapped around her finger Carly: hers anyway Carly: mine's a woman & she refuses to flirt w her own gender Ali: k am a bit in love with her now Ali: soz Ali: clearly send her in, she'll change her tune and your prescription Carly: other than my da who isnt Carly: taught me everything I kno Carly: leave her a message she'll hit you back if you pretend to be hot lad Ali: 💔 that Carly: same I could have two mas Carly: more clothes & drugs to steal Ali: idk, my missus might reckon your da's a style icon Carly: ha Carly: she coming? Ali: nah Ali: you wanna see actual flirting w a middle-aged woman, like, she's your woman Ali: I can't Carly: on her bday she'll propose a 3way w ur ma Carly: been there Ali: 🤢 Ali: that's vile Ali: her diehard need to be more chivalrous than any man should work in my favour for once, like Carly: k Carly: tell me I'm wrong wen she's 1 year older & you ain't had to nah that Ali: bold of you to assume we won't be happily married by then, babe Ali: it ain't til feb Ali: hint hint buy me something Carly: ur married to me Carly: so you gotta say no Carly: & i kno ur a typical aquarius Carly: but I said hers you weren't listening such a hubby mood Ali: wish I could be the man you want and say I don't remember when it is Ali: but I think I do so Ali: 💔 fucking estrogen and empathy strikes again Ali: ultimate cockblock Carly: im not wrapping myself in a ribbon for her so idc when it is Ali: gutted for her Ali: when's yours then Carly: I'm a gemini girl Carly: guess Ali: ah fuck Ali: gonna have to kick it belated Ali: just means I have to go harder so enjoy Ali: hmm Ali: gonna go for 21st Carly: 😢 Carly: nope Ali: damn Ali: just wishful thinking I'd only just missed it, tbh Ali: it's June though, not May Ali: I'm positive Carly: yea Ali: I'll ask our mans Ali: shake him down for all that knowledge I'm sure he's hiding Carly: try it Carly: be funny Carly: how wrong he is Ali: counting on it Ali: how else am I stealing his girl Carly: im not his Carly: already yours Ali: 'course Ali: you seen him much since partygate Carly: just waved him out before you hit me w your invite Carly: y i said yea so fast Ali: I get it Ali: making him leave was always harder than it had any right being Ali: least he didn't invite himself Carly: he makes himself comfortable if I am or not Carly: revolving door on this caravan too so Ali: having 'nam flashbacks Ali: yikes Ali: let's not waste any more time talking 'bout exes tonight Ali: or currents Carly: did your ma let him in on her way out too or does she only like the girls ur w? Carly: aw you don't wanna talk Carly: let me apply gloss hold on Ali: safe to assume he's not coming 'cos of multiple people Ali: not just Lene Ali: 🍓 if you got it, babe Carly: & she's not coming cos of multiple ppl not just ur ma Carly: you not a 🍒 girl hm Carly: interesting Ali: she's not coming 'cos I ain't asked her Ali: awkward if my mother has taken the initiative but help the party go with a swing, I guess Ali: nah, you're a 🍓 girl Ali: too sweet for 🍒 Carly: cos you asked me i kno 😍 so cute Carly: aw you want me to taste how i naturally do Carly: even cuter Ali: be more fun Ali: invite her to my next protest or something more fitting Ali: nothing personal Carly: hey i can be loud Carly: do it all the time Ali: aw you want all her invites now? 😏 Carly: yea Carly: you want me you got me 💍 Ali: alright Ali: you're on Carly: k Ali: get ready for so many adventures Carly: 😊 Carly: wot am i wearing to this 1? Carly: gotta dress for hot bros & disapproving mas Ali: 🙄 Ali: if that's the mood you wanna go for Ali: though idk why you'd choose that over turning my head but go off, honey Carly: i can do that in what Im wearing rn Carly: gimme a challenge Ali: love the confidence Ali: my ma ain't but you will need it with my brother Carly: they all play hard to get until i get there Carly: being easy keeps it easy for them Carly: not my first bbq Ali: nah babe Ali: remember, we're ditching before it gets to that part of the evening Ali: soz to 💔 but I'll be nicer about it than he would so also welcome Carly: throw the keys in the salad bowl as soon as i get there idc Carly: no foreplay needed Ali: gotta get you outta the caravan park more, babe7 Carly: yea Carly: im walking now before he can follow me Ali: meet you halfway? Ali: will bring a crowbar if he's being that clingy Carly: ha Carly: im in the stash don't be sad Carly: ill leave you lots Ali: 👍 leave me chance to catch up too and no worries Carly: ofc Carly: 💙 Ali: you're a doll Carly: yea thats y everyone wants to fuck me Ali: nah Ali: plenty of other reasons for that though Carly: its k you dont need to list off ur compliments 1 per 💊 Carly: i feel the love Ali: you ain't saving me that many, I know 💚 Carly: aw Carly: ur so sweet Ali: nicer to my wives than my girlfriends, obvs Ali: pecking order Carly: 😊 Carly: she's still lucky to have you cos ur an angel to me Ali: you Ali: trust, no angel Ali: and that ain't some juvenile attempt at a brag there Carly: it's a flirt 😈😉 ha Carly: you wanna misbehave w me in front of your whole fam im there Ali: assuming my brother ain't up for it, obvs Carly: cant i have both Carly: what kind of bi r u Ali: one that don't like her brother's handmedowns Ali: lived that life long enough Ali: he ain't a style icon either Carly: ur first Carly: hes maybe Ali: was hoping if we skipped ronan and lene off the guestlist we could avoid the punch-up, tbh babe Carly: aw you dont wanna fight for me Carly: 💔😢 Ali: I mean my brother's girlfriend will have you Ali: only tryna protect, not kill your vibe Carly: scarier than your gf? Ali: deffo Ali: she wishes, the real threesome request that'll spell the end of it all 🙄 Carly: hes forgotten then Carly: be more fun just me & you Ali: obviously Ali: been tryna tell you but easier to prove it Carly: k Carly: ready when you are Ali: soz, forgot shoes Ali: gimme 5 Carly: ha Carly: im not wearing any & im fine Carly: you just wanna do a last mirror check for me 💙 so cute Ali: 😂 Ali: such a pisstake, you walsh Carly: part time flower child you Carly: but its k i still love you Ali: just defending why I'm being so slow Ali: obvs my 😍 weighing me down but lemme have some pride, woman Carly: ha Carly: you're my cute 🐌 Ali: now you're gonna be adorable, fucking hell Ali: you're dangerous Carly: if you cant handle me now wait til I come up Carly: 💊s are the real danger baby Ali: I'll be caught up by then Ali: might have to double-down but I can handle that, no worries Carly: they r being so slow 😢😢😢 Ali: ride it out, baby Carly: you sounded like him then Carly: except hes never called me baby ever Ali: oh dear Ali: I've gone full dickhead Ali: 😬 Ali: I'll take it down a notch Carly: no youre being sweet Carly: theres just lots of ways to trigger a fuck flashback when youre me Carly: dont change Ali: dunno if I could but glad you still wanna keep me around Carly: ofc Carly: i love you Ali: you're so pure Carly: not for years soz boo Carly: & this stash aint either Carly: such a let down 💔😢 Ali: shh Ali: we can make it work Ali: there's enough here to get crossfaded Carly: just dont hate me k Ali: why and how could I ever Ali: silly wabbit Carly: easily Carly: my phones full of Ali: you gonna fuck my girlfriend? Ali: or me and leg it Ali: neither's likely so we're all good, baby girl Carly: she scares me still even if she would have an amazing collection of giant strap ons Ali: 😂 Ali: well I can neither confirm nor deny Carly: no need its every lesbian of her kind Carly: labelled herself Ali: just don't bring up penis envy Ali: she'll lose it Ali: #freudstarteditbabe Carly: can i ask her what she'd do first if she woke up w one? Carly: fave ice breaker Ali: it is gold Ali: but save it 'cos it's just me and you remember Carly: do you wanna know my answer Ali: of course Carly: guess Carly: you owe me a right answer for my wrong bday Ali: Hmm okay Ali: would you Ali: bang as many people as humanly possible Carly: i do that anyway Ali: well you get banged, if we wanna be misogynistic about it Ali: I know what I'd do Carly: more fun with more holes tho so I'm not mad Carly: first thing I'd do is measure to see if I need to brag or exaggerate Ali: pragmatic of you Ali: hadn't even considered that Carly: wanna know if mine's bigger than the lads I've been w ofc Carly: size matters idc what small dicked lads are trying to say Ali: yeah but they're always thinking length when really Ali: girth is where it's at Carly: yea Carly: shouldve taught that in school Ali: how to measure circumference Ali: they defs did Carly: yea?? Carly: idk Ali: I'll show you Ali: on a beer can Ali: unrealistic expectation but you get the idea Carly: all my expectations r unrealistic Carly: make me cum is a stretch for most lads on site Ali: babe Ali: gonna make me 😥 Carly: youre the pure 1 aint you Carly: aw Ali: hardly Ali: saying at least I get that, like Ali: minimum Carly: your gf has some uses that arent being your ma's BFF Ali: precisely Ali: I would've been a bit kinder with it but in a nutshell Ali: what about ronan at least Carly: have you forgotten him now youve upgraded Carly: shouldnt need my review Ali: shh, he'll cry Carly: he was when i wouldnt let him stay for dinner idc Ali: poor boy 😏 Carly: one of his other girls can cook for him Carly: my ma aint there & i aint doing it Ali: he needs to just give in and marry one of his own Ali: it's what he wants, no matter what he reckons Carly: he told me he is Carly: but hes said worse for a fuck so idk Ali: rude Ali: where's my invite to mourn my loss, boy Carly: ill tell him to text you Carly: wont have lost your number Ali: got the drunk texts to prove it Ali: bless Carly: ha Carly: only answer mine tho Carly: 💍 perks Ali: only if I ain't also there with ya Carly: yea Carly: youre gonna b w me forever so Ali: I'll just tell you in person then Ali: if you tell me Ali: deal? Carly: k Carly: i feel happy Carly: 😊😊😊😊😊 Ali: you're on your way Ali: where are you, btw Carly: the longest road ever Ali: hm, tell me about it Ali: I'll run Ali: in dramatic, sexy slo-mo Carly: me too Carly: only way i run Carly: see you when we collide Ali: wifey goals Ali: won't even try and make it our lips that collide Ali: scout's honour Carly: anticipations more fun Carly: plenty of other places I can touch you first Ali: we'll pretend you meant my 💘 Carly: i did that first night @ first 👀 Ali: no lie, we'll have to think of somewhere else innocent-sounding then Ali: do some experimenting, straight girl Carly: i have Carly: i told you ready when you are Ali: I told you, dangerous Carly: only if you get caught Carly: i won't tell if you don't Carly: so good at keeping secrets Ali: I'll sort it Ali: I made vows Ali: she'll understand Carly: were just taking them seriously Carly: nobody can be mad about that Ali: deadly, like Ali: also forgot a bra, naturally and this run is killing me Carly: somewhere innocent I can touch you then Carly: god works in obvious ways Carly: like you Ali: please Ali: if I was doing it for your benefit sure I'd put one on Ali: show 'em off Carly: you kno you dont need to Carly: not your first bbq either Ali: 😏 Ali: maybe Carly: no maybe u kno Carly: & you can feel my 😍 Carly: travelling faster than my slo mo run Ali: love being your wcw, babe 😉 Carly: idk what that is Carly: but if the first letters arent wild child I'm sad Ali: that's far less straight girl so we'll go with it Ali: hope for you yet, like Carly: youre not gonna tell me what it means Ali: woman crush wednesday Ali: used exclusively by girls like Leesha and that Carly: omg i think my ma said that @ the telly the other night Carly: it wasnt wednesday Ali: feeling like hyping up Chezza whatever the night Ali: I 👀 you Carly: but youre wrong Carly: i dont have a crush on you i love you Ali: so if I need a kidney you're down Ali: but no gay shit Ali: 👌 Carly: yea cos whats mine is yours Carly: all of me Carly: so you can have anything you want Ali: good to know Ali: make a killing on the black market Carly: just tell me if youre draining me in the tub so i can have a good last nite before Carly: & stop making me beg for gay shit that's not a mood Carly: i dont do the begging its the other way round Carly: ask anyone Ali: of course Ali: I ain't an animal Ali: you don't have to beg Carly: what do you want me to say then Ali: what you want Ali: obviously Carly: find me Carly: you can do that yea Ali: easy Ali: [does 'cos how long can one road be] Carly: [most excited hug that turns into the longest hug & moment because well we know] Ali: [turns it into linking arms and walking 'fore shit gets too real here] Carly: [is just happy & loling & chatting shit which is endless compliments basically like her eyes being tiny skies & sunshine hair etc you get the idea because high af] Ali: [is listening and not dismissing it 'cos not that bitch but also knows she's high so not being like ooh lol, 'you're so pure'] Carly: [dramatically stops cos remembers suddenly that she needs to give Ali her share so does, sad & mad at herself like she's so upset she nearly forgot bless] Ali: [cups her chin like hey and tells her it's okay whilst looking in her eyes as she takes her share] Carly: [back to being smiley just like that because reassurance bitch & takes her hand & leads her along cos handholding ftw] Ali: [is happy she's happy again] Carly: [her phone is going off cos Ronan but she's ignoring cos only got eyes for Alison rn] Ali: ['you put love eggs in or?'] Carly: [talks in depth about how she's drawing the line at borrowing that kinda shit from her ma cos oversharer even when she ain't high & also throws her phone to Ali playfully like no look so we can imagine how lovely those messages are even just from the first line preview thing] Ali: [takes Carly's thumb so she can open it and reply 'cos that bitch] Carly: [is just loling even though this is such a bad idea] Ali: [schools him in a way that probably sounds familiar lbr] Carly: [then a selfie sesh cos those bitches they love themselves] Ali: [takes her sunnies off her head and puts 'em on Carly 'cos her eyes are massive/pinholed depending which way we're rocking this lol] Ali: [does a 'shh' like no one's gonna know] Carly: [you know she's keeping them sunnies forever now soz] Ali: [just swinging their arms having a gay old time] Carly: [just singing something as they going cos no stage fright when high af & her voice is nice so its a moment] Ali: [😍] Carly: [more compliments when she notices Ali is looking at her cos she's pretty af lbr] Ali: ['how many other hidden talents you got, like?'] Carly: [thinks about it way harder than the question warrants like its a hard question cos lowkey is when you don't reckon you got any skills. Says 11 cos bday clue & lucky number with a mysterious expression like but then laughs cos if she has to ever back that up awks] Ali: [lols back but squeezes her hand like don't doubt it] Carly: [looks down at her feet because actually is shoeless here 'how far?'] Ali: [gestures like 'piggyback?' but ain't that far in my mind] Carly: [accepts because always, good thing Ali is strong & Carly is skinny cos they literally the same height] Ali: [galloping about and into your function like idiots 'cos she's coming up now too] Carly: [miracle that Carly don't fall cos not holding on properly cos wants to stretch her arms out so its like a bike with no handlebars situation lol] Ali: [imagine everyone's faces lmao] Carly: [Tess scowl be like seen from space] Ali: [gets situated on the grass and is just helping herself to drinks Carly: [is just having a little dance by herself cos feeling great not soz everyone especially not soz Ro cos you wish you could babe] Ali: [at least little rock can join in] Carly: [aw the two of them dancing together like cute nerds & she's spinning him round & everything] Ali: [just ignoring all her fam's questions and being chatty af like nothing's weird 'cos high, then joining in 'cos duh more fun[ Carly: [all you can hear is Carly's laugh which is the best so deal with it fam thank you, let my sweet baby angel be happy] Ali: [when you being blatant af] Carly: [when you don't need to be touching a girl who has a girlfriend this much when you dancing in a non sexy way but you is] Ali: [defs need a sprinkler they can all be running through] Carly: [wet t-shirts ftw I see you] Ali: [is motioning like come to my room but not like that lads, just get some weed like you need it] Carly: [takes some drinks with her but the only mental image I have is when Lily in Skins with armfuls when she says keep your vagina on & I'm loling] Ali: [hey ro hey] Carly: [okay but Carly trying to talk to her & being so nice cos she's so pure & Ro being so rude] Ali: [even in her state given her all the disappointed looks like ??] Carly: [this sweet child laughing it off cos how she do but how dare you Ro, I'm mad] Ali: [going to the kitchen for food, accidental ultimate ro shade] Carly: [just following Ali cos she's never been here & don't know where she's going but quieter cos you can tell she's thinking what did I do wrong cos how her brain works] Ali: [being reassuring af] Carly: [sitting on the kitchen counter swinging her legs looking so cute with her dirty feet & drinks from the tap cos she do what she want] Ali: ['you look beautiful'] Carly: [smiles & laughs like its chill but is seriously 😳 cos who says nice things to her like this ever] Ali: [gets them and rocky ice lollies bye everyone else] Carly: [when you eating it seductively without being aware or trying to be that cos its your life] Ali: [is giggling 'cos high] Carly: [more compliments because how cute] Ali: [lays her head in her lap to 'cloudgaze' aka sneak peeks] Carly: [playing with her hair & freckles sporadically because she's soft & intimate like that, be more blatant girl, love it] Ali: [doing daisychain around her wrist 'cos bringing it back] Carly: [finally remembers there are drinks so is on that but v distracted looking at & touching Ali, oh girl same we all would] Ali: [tryna be chill but obvs into it regardless of how 'straight she is] Carly: [lies in the grass & does snow angel moves like she can flatten the grass & make one, god bless you babe, brings Ali with her so they just snuggling cos we can be this blatant] Ali: [just stroking her hair nbd] Carly: [loves it & is making it known by talking about how good it feels & throwing out compliments like its her job sorry for how gay this is everyone but she thinks Ali is the best so] Ali: [backatcha telling her how pure and sweet she is and they're just blabbing at each other] Carly: [soz k stew but this is cute] Ali: [when you wanna kiss her so bad 'cos you're high and happy and this is a mood] Carly: [I'll either save or condemn us cos she's gonna go take some more pills so they don't wear off so they could be alone if Ali goes with & she'd be dragging her along so v dangerous] Ali: [looking at themselves in the mirror and making funny faces] Carly: [& Carly just peeing cos no shame, same tbh] Ali: [but doing like war/festival style paint on each other's face with like, whatever lipstick has been left in that bathroom] Carly: [but think how close Ali would have to be to her face to do that like how has she not kissed her, applause needed honestly] Ali: [draws a lil heart on Carly's nose] Carly: [can't stop looking at herself cos loves it] Ali: [takes loads of pictures, improtu bathroom photoshoot sesh] Carly: [likewise taking loads of pics of Ali but like weird close ups cos she gaaaaaaaay & focused on the details] Ali: [posing 'cos we know she's about it lmao] Carly: [more touching of freckles like she's gonna draw something connect the dots style but just using her fingers cos they are perfect as they are & she'd say so] Ali: [not much would phase her but she would be blushing rn] Carly: [just gushing about how adorable she is endlessly like it'd be too much from anyone else] Ali: [keeps saying ILY 'cos being off your face ftw] Carly: [saying it back of course & all the terms of endearment like baby, angel etc cos that's just how she is anyway] Ali: [someone, probably Tess, banging on the door like they're desperate, we see you ma] Carly: [jumps out of her skin, again same] Ali: [hugs her protectively] Carly: [smelling her hair like a peak gay during the hug because lbr it'd smell nice, no shade or shame here, more compliments for that obvs] Ali: [going back downstairs before there's a brawl but when you ain't even phased 'cos something happening here deal fam Carly: [when you lowkey dancing your way back out cos you happy af & you find the dog on the way so you're carrying him with you & kissing & loving him & its adorable sorry bye] Ali: [and spuds such a funny looking boy lmao] Carly: [lying on the grass again spooning the dog & singing to him probably a song from when she was little & her mum cared like he a baby] Ali: [just watching and melting 'cos actually so cute, don't cry bitch lmao] Carly: [sees her & crawls over like hey, curling up with her again because the lap is a mood forever & we need to claim it from your future child for the gays] Ali: [doing teeny tiny plaits in her hair and humming the song she was just singing to the dog] Carly: [just chatting shit the whole time soz everyone else but they loving life let them be] Ali: [just getting to know each other hardcore 'cos neither of them has much time for small talk or bullshit anyway so on drugs it'd be like 1000 percent more intense, also shamelessly ignore a call and multiple texts from your actual girlfriend] Carly: [but then after all that because I'm evil & she's 'straight' let's say she makes eye contact with Fraze somehow so off she goes to flirt with him as if that's even a possibility when you know it'd just be annoying like her taking his 🚬 to try & be so cool & seductive, babe no. He's just like Ali control your girls] Ali: [is annoyed but not gonna do anything unless it got more dramatic like you deal, casually going through her phone to find a party or something] Carly: [Fraze just being such a dickhead soz Carly also knowing that's Bea's lipstick because of course he does so loling about her & Ali's impending doom] Carly: [also Ro coming out cos someone made her to 'eat' so just being super judgey such joy] Ali: [fully like fuck this like don't kill my vibe fam so walking like she just gonna go in the house but really she peacing] Ali: if ur done come back out Carly: where d u go? Ali: found us a party Carly: k Carly: [catches up to her like oh hey] Ali: [tells her it ain't far to go and starts walking] Carly: [looks down at her feet like she only just remembered she's not wearing shoes but doesn't miss a beat in keeping in step with her because being gay is more important] Carly: dont b mad @ me Ali: [looks down too and is like, we can go get shoes first if you want lol] Ali: I ain't Carly: the colours around you have changed Carly: i kno u r Ali: nah it's like Ali: hmm Ali: I'm not sure what it's like Carly: like me again Carly: [is saying sorry because always quick to that one] Ali: ['I do, you don't need to say that'] Carly: [trying to give Ali her drink as a peace offering like hmm I've done something wrong must make amends somehow] Carly: [& then more pills when she remembers she has them still] Ali: [shrugs like why not and accepts, cue Leesha and probably her 'best' friend tottering out of her house looking the most overdressed] Carly: [Carly loling because she has the whole day but these bitches taking it as a slight against their everything] Ali: [Leesha started shouting the odds 'cos mother's daughter and obvs already white girl wasted, Ali like let's just go 'cos over it] Carly: [Carly offering her pills cos change your mood babe & being looked at like she's offering poison, you've been there before Leesha I get it] Ali: [tryna lowkey drag her away before this becomes the Thing tm they want it to be for the #drama] Carly: [Carly just chatting about Ali's heroics & how sweet she is cos knight in shining armor for her forever lbr just like 😍] Ali: [loling] Carly: [Carly just out the blue like 'you should kiss her, then she'd be happier' like no babe Leesha ain't you but I love the softness of your world view] Ali: ['fully converted, are you?'] Carly: [lols but is also like 'you haven't kissed me yet' with a cute little pouty face as she walks on slightly ahead looking at the sky] Ali: ['Night still young, baby'] Carly: [clearly is buzzing about this & not hiding that 'I love you more than her' how unspecific she could mean Leesha or K stew or both, god bless] Ali: [is all 'I know' but not 'cos she's a cocky bitch lmao 'cos you're pure'] Carly: [puts her arms up like a child who wants to be picked up cos she wants Ali to carry her into the party] Ali: [does 'cos duh even if she's joking about how high maintenance she is] Carly: [snuggling into her the whole time cos she's soft] Ali: [let's hope it's not too far, probably some 20-something hippie waster's chill thing] Carly: [when you humming but using Ali's heartbeat as your basis for a tune cos gaaaaaaaaaaay] Ali: [when you're harmonizing] Carly: [#goals for real] Carly: [but then she gotta stop so she can compliment Ali again cos we know her voice is fire but Carly didn't necessarily know this] Ali: ['we should jam for real some time'] Carly: [cue her rambling stage fright reveal because like we said no time for bullshit so its just being put out there & she's like 'you'll have to sing to me'] Ali: [is like okay but silently thinking of all the ways she could help her confidence 'cos that bitch but not gonna be pushy and patronizing about it 'cos not THAT bitch] Carly: [just staring at her adorably all like 'what are you thinking about?'] Ali: ['you'] Carly: [such a big smile but also blushing 'good things?'] Ali: [just gives her a look that's like what do you think and obviously, yes] Carly: [a big hug moment and kisses her on her forehead cos where the thoughts come from] Ali: [the mess of lipstick their faces are] Carly: [they must look crazy, living for it] Ali: [good thing no one at this party will care, turn up and chatting to people and the usual] Carly: [there should be someone there for Carly to hook up with to hurt Ali's heart & reaffirm the 'straightness'] Ali: [when you can't 'cos you got a gf, gutted] Carly: [who is probably still trying to contact you cos highkey] Ali: [text her back girl, come on] Carly: [do it while your real gf is getting you a drink lol] Ali: [let's text]

[ts-autumns-world]

Episode 4: “Tua supremacy babey” - Lily O

I GET TO REUNITE WITH JINX YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

me waking up to see that im in the new tribe: https://media.tenor.com/images/93212119a4887f9fa0ad945c7ae2a5d0/tenor.gif

tbh i expected the swap since like we have 14 rn so its a reasonable number to do a swap before the merge.. but like this swap sucks not only me being the only one from og eener but its also me having to be with these 4 whites ppl. you know i don't trust white ppl except mikki SDFSDFSDFSDF so this absolutely SUCKS. and geekoffilm is on another tribe too.

URGH i hope i can team up with jinx and jude. and joey and i used to play together in CoW so hopefully, i am able to make him want to work with me again.. but monty... monty is very skeptical cause like they could just vote me off now. BUT THEN, i know that either jinx or raffy has the idol for sure, so maybe i need to ask jinx for that. or i just ask the person who i'll be up against with in the tic tac toe to throw a challenge if they are the og eener too. 

much to think about bestie booth. i wanna trust these ppl so bad but i have trust issues

https://youtu.be/JrXnnD5KU0I

---

naur this is the plan if we go to council

imma be like joey

you are the only cis white man on the team

you have to go. 

you wanna be an ally?

THIS IS HOW!!!

so im pushing for u FEWEJFEEFJEFEIFEFIJW 

heS ALWAYS SAYING HE WANTS TO BE A BETTER ALLY

ALWAYS CALLING ME LIKE JINX IM SO SORRY

ILL BE LIKE FOR WHAT?? 

HE'S LIKE FOR BEING A WHITE CIS STRAIGHT MAN. 

IF UR REALLY SORRY ULL LEAVE!

I have to start this out by saying Giraffez, I’m so sorry! I tried my best but too many people wanted to keep us comp strong and wanted Lily O to stay. I really wish we would have had the chance to play longer together but sometimes it’s just not in the cards.

As far as swap goes, I’m really happy about my team. We have a majority from my original group which is pretty wild. I wish Chips was here and I really hope he makes it work somehow but I’m ngl I’m a little worried about him.

I was so so thrilled to see Jinx on Tua with me. I also have started talking with Captain and Jude. They both seem super nice so as always I’m hoping to avoid tribal once again.

I’d like to the think that original Llih (was that how you spelled it?) will stay together but Giraffez told me that Lily O told her that she was voting for me. Now obviously we all voted Giraffez but I think Lily O knows I was plotting. So. I hope we can stick together. But. Yeah. Your girl is worried. And excited. She is excited cause this group seems cool. But nervous because yeah I’m not ready for another vote out. Mkay. Bye.

This swap went pretty well for me all things considered. I still have a bunch of people from my OG Tribe, and the new people seem active and really nice! So, I like my tribe. Blake offered to me today to work together closely in the game which I am down for. The semi-inactive people need to stick together and all that lmao. Other than that, I am straight Vibing

Swap time! honestly its time to kick it into high gear and win this immunity challenge! make some real allies!

HELLO AUTUMNS WORLD!!!!!! So I have arrived in a swapped team with 3 of my old members! SOOO happy Mikki is here firstly since we can discuss basically anything. Blake and Raffy im also cool with but not like as close with them. Maybe a bit more with Blake. Of the new people my fav is Chris !! Already liking our chats and hope it can turn more strategic later maybe!! Ricky is also cool and funny and chips I was allies with him in Kili which is cool but probably the weakest connection of the new people so far!! It looks like we are gonna lose and if so its kinda hard like on one hand we have easy majority to vote off idk probably chips or maybe ricky or we could go against tribal linesI think Blake truly does wanna work with me tho but is just busy. Like going against tribal lines is kinda fun but maybe dumb. And chips being the 1 in a 4-2-1 swap sucks too!! Idk kind of evaluating the vibe with Mikki and will see what we think later if we lose… we would probs be safe regardless being protected by tribal lines on one side and having developed sorta good vibes with Chris and Ricky from the other side so probs wouldn’t be targeted from that angle either?? Hopefully… I did have kind of a delayed start with the new people cuz of irl stuff but yah we will see!

My opinion on swap was initially sad because I was missing out on Jinx/Jude/Joey/Captain BUT then I realize I like this tribe?? Im with Ricky still, Mikki probably is sitting at the cookout as we spesk, Chips is lowkey goody but I got my eye on him, Benj and I bond over Agatha Christie <3, Blake I knew from TDI so we have been goofin like a Goofy movie, Raffy I actually enjoy that we chat of the most mundane things, and that's everybody! I think I have a chance to survive on this tribe

---

My thoughts are that I've got Ricky and Mikki at minimum. I know Mikki/Raffy got beef but I doubt they go for each other. Chips is like a level-headed Joey but I reckon one of him/Blake/Benj will be targeted if I had to guess. Nevertheless me and Captain talked during our matchup and exchanged info. My hope is me or Ricky are in Outhouse but I also hope not so we have higher odds to keep the goodies all goodie and safe

https://voca.ro/18WSqZznajDx

---

I LOVE JUDE

so idk where my last confessional left off but i think it was before tribal. so after tribal, jinx’s manifestations came true, we swapped, i ended up on a tribe with no one i knew except chris, so that was kind of…nnng. but hey, gotta roll with the punches. me and jinx were paired up for the challenge which game me a bit of time to talk with them, and they gave me some insight on ppl i didn’t really know on my tribe, and also they gave me a tarot reading, and it basically said that while i’m probably gonna have to deal with some bullshit, i just have to use everything i’ve learned to get over any obstacles, and stay calm and collected through it all. i’m really really praying for this one, since we just lost immunity, and now chris is going to the outhouse, i’m afraid that i’m truly all alone now. and if there’s one thing that scares me it’s being alone. i really like mikki tho, and i heard benj was good ppl. maybe if i let them know that raffy might have the half idol then maybe they’d be more inclined to work with me, but i also really enjoy raffy’s presence, so i don’t really want him to be a target. blake and i have had a good amount of dialogue so i’m hoping that he’d be willing to work with me, to be honest. ughhhhh why why why tribal. WHY TRIBAL. in all my years of playing tumble survivor i’ve never been sent to like…and exile or redemption island ONCE. not once….ever…. please god let me get to the outhouse just one time.

First of all, lemme just say I'm so amused by how quickly my chances of no-votes went RIGHT out the door. But also thank god that it went off without a hitch! And right before a swap, no less New tribe is definitely iconic. LOVE Jinx, Captain and Jude are cool too, and then my Llih buddies are also v nice to have (shoutouts monty and joey)

Tua supremacy babey

https://youtu.be/oP7DWOnmt40

https://youtu.be/Z3_pyWTdRh8

https://youtu.be/UFshPYJ98z0

hello confessional booth... i'm here to give you um. something i hope!!!! 

well since the swap, i feel like i've managed to fit in better than i expected cause ive been feeling under the weather and i don't rlly have energy to talk to anyone (which is so great that our tribe won this IC) but i rlly need to work on that more for sure..

joey wants to work with me.. like a lot. we worked together for a bit in CoW before he was voted out and he was a great ally to me back then so i think i can trust joey a little bit? and he rlly wants the pocs to go far so i think this is a good sign.

with jinx, we've been wanting to talk about the outhouse thing but jinx wants to call and i've been feeling sick so we haven't called but hopefully we can do that soon. i trust jinx a lot and i know they're gonna take care of me.

jude.. you know i like her since i saw her intro vid so yup gonna need to talk to her more!!!

lily c.. my fellow teacher pls SFSFSDFSD i enjoy our chat a lot like idt its much but every time we talk, with her, it just feels great and nice and like we just get to know each other so far so i hope we can talk game a bit more but we'll see

lily o.. we haven't talked since the day the swap happened. idk why. maybe she's busy or maybe i should dm her first so i think i'm gonna do that tmr my time if i have the energy.

and monty... PLEASE idk if i can trust monty or not. like he's a good friend of mine but my experience in orgs with them is that they tried to break the swp apart (which was smart but then mikki and i are both playing so gotta keep an eyes on them)

i'm just trying to feel good and hopefully recover soon cause i hate being sick. idk i'm scared of covid!!!!! but i haven't gone outside for a week or two methinks so we're gonna pray and see.

---

missing mikki and hope she will be fine

Blake suggested starting an OG Eneer alliance to Mikki and Benj. They took them up on the offer so I guess I am in my first alliance of the game based on arbitrary reasons. In any case, they seem to want to vote out Chips which is a RIP. But whatever keeps me safe for one more round.

I don’t have an obsession with the Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood sketch from SNL... No I clearly don’t... https://youtu.be/whfQf3Pd5bU

It’s my chronic overthinking in this swap that is going to do me in, I feel. It’s the pressure of having to actually think differently, and coming off of EVERYTHING I’ve seen in this community over the past 6 months, oh good Lord have mercy, I feel as though its so hard for me to want to not sacrifice my game, but at the same time... I feel all the pressure in the world to flip. I did have a lucid dream that if I got to a point where I consistently voted only white people at every Council, it would make my game look REALLY good by comparison, since I literally did everything I could, and no, I don’t want to hear anyone post season say this was rigged for Jinx, it’s not, we’re only going to go against each other down the road because of how this season has been set up, and it breaks my heart

https://photos.app.goo.gl/eSvSGkc4zmBfnYVP7

So here's some tea I suppose. I was a pretty big fan of the tribe swap because people talked more in general. This was particularly interesting considering their different timezones but continued ability to keep up conversation. It was pretty apparent that I was at a numbers deficit from my original tribe but my hope was that people didn't want to play like "that" and then if they did that my former tribe would throw it to keep the numbers. Apparently that is not true as Lily C went as hard as possible to win a challenge she could have convincingly thrown as an "accident" multiple times. At any rate, based on the total lack of communication with me concerning who I am voting it is evident that either the plan is to vote someone without telling me or that it is to vote me. This means that regardless of the situation I am in a terrible position and will be leaving sooner rather than later. I don't know that I've been swap screwed in the past (perhaps, I've been playing for too long) but it really stinks. 

For the TL;DR watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzftXB28gBE

 http://www.purplerockpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/survivor-pearlislands-lillian-morris-no-sir.gif

As I'm writing this, I have a big gulp from... you guessed it... 7/11. I need to flip on one of the three of Monty, Lily O, and Lily C. My best option is going to vote for Lily O, I need Monty and Lily C to know I'm only doing this because yanno, things look awfully awful, and the pressure of making the right move and yet making sure I don't lose relationships is starting to get to me.

I also need them as shields because theyre the only winners in this game, and I need them here as shields for down the road heading into a merge.

I can't even believe I found TWOA IDOLS! I had to think a lot about who to give it too but I decided to do what felt like the smartest thing to do. Jinx and Captain already trust me and I enjoy Ricky but he gives semi chaotic energy. With that in mind, I had to give it to Jude as a sign of faith. Not only am I wanting her to do well, but I want to prove to her I legit want to work with her come merge 😊

https://youtu.be/vOn8Zsi0njA

https://youtu.be/UWTB-LYjbu0

for Chips: https://youtu.be/lSeDZdSEl4o

#tsaw #episodes

[bigbrotherfiore]

episode four: “power gets you got, so i just need to survive” - elise

hoh: rich

evicted: brianna

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/YnRbNjQQLns

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/Xs-EwM8N1e4

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/LBES8nSlqN8

RICH: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Oxy39TIAllP-l-lh_xgrqva8So7r-tK0/view?usp=drivesdk

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/QbtU7qP1eBI

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/LBES8nSlqN8

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/_XB2DbrrIY8

MIKKI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sop4L3aZOWU

MIKKI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoshRaBKm80&feature=youtu.be

MIKKI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZNAeadCgZc

MIKKI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lh_vEZFbNgU

MIKKI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqLb_hymcZw

SZYMON: https://youtu.be/KlJC100xcQM

AMANDA: https://youtu.be/jgNo5u4oN3s

i’m super nervous after the jared eviction. i don’t want to win hoh but i’m also scared rich or daly will win or even mazden could win. i just want brianna or sara or elise or mikki or lana or jakey to get it because those are the people i trust the most but if i got it SOMEHOW since i did not write any useful information i would probably put up mazden and rich because i talk to him the least and i feel like he’s super shady. i don’t know. maybe not mazden but i don’t know i’m SCARED i’m terrified

I literally only talk to him about what we eat in a day sooooooooo anyways 

THE MARCHING BAND JUST DID THAT. We have now won 3/4 HOH Competitions this season!!! 

ok so rich wants to work together now that jared is gone. i love jared from the bottom of my heart but fuck it might benefit me now that he's gone and there aren't rumours. hes gonna nom potentially lana and brianna, unfortunate for me because nfps but she might win veto again. also people know im close with mikki, gotta stop stanning taylor swift in the VC clearly... thats all rn because im slacking on these and i cba to record 

I can honestly say that I have not felt nervous at all in this game to date. I won the first HOH, Sara won HOH #2, Szymon won HOH #3, and Rich just won tonight's HOH. Obviously Sara and Rich are in The Marching Band Alliance and Szymon and I have a tight duo alliance so it is really nice to just sit back and relax 1/4 into the game. I also think I have been able to lay low after my 1st HOH run and allow other targets to begin to emerge! HAHA I love this game!

So Addilyn connected the dots that me and Daly are both from Manitoba and that kinda scares me. She is the only one besides Sara who would know how close we live because she also happens to be from Canada as well... Hopefully she doesn't catch on too well and pin us as a duo 

im so fucked i'm literally so fucked.  the ONE person i didn't want to win HOH won it.  THE.  ONE.  PERSON.  i'm going up and i'm the target.  i don't talk to him like, at all.  i hate this timeline i hate it i hate it please someone take me out of here.  i'm probably gonna go up next to mikki (my CLOSEST ALLY) and go home and im so fucking scared of that.  im so scared of rich i hate how he's playing this game that little snake is playing a game that is threatening to mine and i hate it.  i hate it i hate it i hate it.  this game sucks i hate it (i love u hosts im just irritated) - made 9:27 pm, outdated, will see if anything changes 

I am good with Rich winning HOH, he totally deserved it and I'm happy for him. I feel safe with him, and he reassured  me that I was going to be safe. So I am going to see just how honest he was with me. I honestly have a good feeling about him, and I like him. What I'm not happy about is people throwing my name out there for him to put up as a pawn...NO MA'AM, PAM, OR SAM!!! I am nobody's pawn, and I WILL remember who said it! I would have to say that I am closest to Jakey and Szymon in this game. I trust them the most and we have the JLS Alliance and hopefully we can ride this out to the end! I also like Amanda, she is someone I would like to keep close. Other than that, I am loving this game. A little chaotic at times, but I can handle it. That's that on that for now! Peace out!✌🏾

Jared is gone, Jared who I genuinely love so much he's amazing and it fucking SUCKS and what sucks worse is that it's probably better for my game because I have options now that people aren't lumping me in with him as a duo. Worse news, looks like Mikki and Brianna will be on the block this week and that puts Mikki in SO much danger. Mikki who I really am coming to trust right but am being named as close with her. Can people stop labelling me as part of duos or... kthx. Anyway, Mikki better stay because it'd be nice to have someone I can trust. Szymon and Sara seem somewhat distant so I'm not sure how much I can trust them right now, especially after I tried to save Jared. Daly and I are closing in on a bond in the absence of Jared and I hope that fares me well. My problem really is that I think a lot of my connections are on the table. I've been working on getting closer to people but with some of the guys it's kinda hard so!!! we'll see. I've been swinging the birthday twin angle with Addilyn so let's see how that pans out!! I'm really not getting much info so then I don't have much info to give so nobody wants to give me any. It's a long long cycle. But with Mikki in danger I did casually be like "why are people so mad abt people who've played other games, like szymon has won survivor and ferg has won the challenge a couple times?" just to really get that out there and for it to come from Mikki, not me :). Byeeeeeee I'm so done with this if Mikki goes here. I don't want to have to shuffle into working with the men but I might have to. I wanna crack their alliance open but I don't want to be a big target this early, annoying.   Rich told me that he felt good with me now that Jared's gone but didn't tell me the real noms until today (told me Bri/Lana but it's Bri/Mikki) so yay fuck that shit everyone else has a closest ally/allies and mine are all LEAVING ok thats enough of that tantrum. I'll figure something out it's just awkward as hell because I'm not entirely sure how to push a vote in a smart way. I have a couple ideas of HOW but not how to do it subtlely. I'm still trying to avoid making enemies because when it comes down to it, I need to be safe from the block more than I need a ghost of power in this game. power gets you got, so i just need to survive. 

I am sooo excited rich is HOH. I kind of went underground for a few days and forgot about DRs. Austin solidified a group with Ferg, Szymon, himself, and I while Szymon was in power. I really like that group too. I’ll do what I can to keep them safe. I feel like I’m connecting with everyone??? I mean, I’m not oblivious...I know some probably don’t like me, but I think I’m talking to everybody. Jared went home. He almost didn’t because of an emotional house meeting... the girls literally debated flipping a coin?? Mazden was on the block again but nowhere to be found. Shes Sade again but old what she is thinking. I prepped a google doc for the last hoh for like 5 hours I’m SO glad rich won. I also tried by best just in case but he kicked butt!! I talked to Amanda on the phone last night for an hour and we really connected. She’s super easy to talk to. I’m worried about Austin but we will see what comes of it in the days to come. I LOVE my groups. Rich and Sara are amazing. Szymon is so caring, and ferg is definitely putting effort in to our relationship. I’m happy because I feel like I’m doing okay! Rich joked that we are the evil alliance of the season and I just hope he’s wrong tbh... I never wanted to be the bad guy, I’ve always thought I was an underdog 😳. Sarah thanked me for putting the group together and I’m really grateful we made it. Power 3/4 times??? It’s my turn next, I really don’t wanna let them down. 

My issue with trusting Mikki was never that I truly thought she was untrustworthy. I think it was apparent from the moment Mikki would only vote for Mazden in Week 1 because she wanted to be good to Celina showed that she's loyal. I was so worried her loyalty didn't lie with me, though, and now that I've realised Mikki is a great ally, she's on the bloody block. I'm a fucking idiot. Watch me lose two great allies in a row UGH. 

UGH I so could have won that POV comp but of course I made a huge mistake on my submission. I could have gotten under 4 minutes... At the same time it isn't the worst thing because I would want to use it on Mikki but Rich would be absolutely pissed if I did.

It is crucial for my game for Brianna to go this week. I am getting to the point where I do not feel like anyone left in the game would nominate me based on the relationships I have built since Day 1. I do not think it would be in my best interest to win this HOH tomorrow because I genuinely wouldn't have 2 nominees that are not working with me (except maybe Mazden/Lana)

I am feeling sooooooo conflicted. Like I wanna win hoh tomorrow...but I have absolutely NO idea who I’d nominate. Austin keeps pointing out that I’m the only person (in both of our alliances) who hasn’t won anything. But is winning really good for my game at this point?? Also, either Austin is a closet asshole to all, or he’s just really comfortable with me. He says a lot of mean things.. 😒 “you’re my little pawn who can never win a comp” ...all jokes aside...ouch.. while he’s out here telling me winning isn’t good. I like him a lot, and he tells me all the time that I’m his #1 and I do believe him because he’s putting in a lot of work with me. BUT, I think he’s getting too comfortable. He needs to step up, try to have genuine conversations, and be nice to me because I’m fragile 😂 I’m gonna try for hoh tomorrow. Then I’ll have to think about who I nominate. I actually have no clue but it’s whatever. Daly wants to talk on the phone tomorrow and I need to be super careful what I say to him. Honestly, if I won I’d love to nominate him just to shake things up and step away from the “sides” but whatever, I truly don’t think I’d make it far if I did. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING. I’m annoyed at everything. And I feel really bad that I’ve basically stepped out on my f2 with rich from night one. I fucking love him. And if it came down to him, Austin, and I in final three I guess I don’t really know what I’d do. It’s easy to say Austin because we talk constantly. But rich is nice and genuine with me. AND I believe he’s fiercely loyal. And I think if it came down to it Austin would cut me to win. The more and more we talk he’s getting comfortable and he’s playing ruthless. ...and that scares me... 

LMAO not haley lying to me about not talking to Austin or ferg much when I know they're in an alliance together and her and Austin make it SO obvious that they are a duo. I can't help but laugh. it's cute how they think they are slick when they are literally MESSAGING ME THE SAME TIME, and like start messaging me after the other and then end at the same time it's just.....so obvious. like guys please try harder???? if you wanna be a secret duo keep it more secret??? you're literally in an alliance together I- and I know about it because you're aligned with MY secret duo. ahhhhh how cute of you to try how cute how cute. I'm so bitter and over these people like so over it every single thing out of haley and Austins mouths is FAKE and they think they are being so great at playing people but I'm sitting here playing them back it's so exhausting keeping up a fake conversation. the sad thing is I think I would love haley outside of this game. but in it she annoys the crap out of me because she's sooooo fake and boring. I'm over it. 

we hate it here

Click HERE to see the Goodbye Messages for Brianna.

#bbfiore #episodes