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#i love you so tremendously

layzeal · 11 months

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i absolutely eat it UP that one of the reasons wwx is so hesitant to believe lwj has feelings for him is that he can't tell if lwj treats him with so much goodness and kindness because he's simply that good of a person or if there's ~something more to it~

and!! here's what gets me: he's 100% right to question that. because from all we know, lan wangji would still have protected and done everything he did even if he wasn't in love with wwx. it all comes down to his beliefs, and standing up to them by protecting him. wwx is afraid to jump to conclusions because his fears are genuinely very well based!

#seriously take a shot everytime wwx muses about how good of a person lwj is #even at their worst moments wwx still held a tremendous amount of respect for him #he's under the belief that lwj is doing this not bc he's in love but because he believes in him #and he's not wrong! lwj's love isnt shown through the grand gestures! but through the small quiet ones #would lwj still protect wwx if he didn't have feelings for him? yes #would lwj have drank alcohol and eaten spicy food and kept the rabbits he gave him? nope #and wwx slowly comes to realize this!! it just takes him time and getting to know lwj better!!!#AND IT'S SO GOOD AUGHHHH i just love their love story #i love the grandiose acts among the many quiet ''i love you's''#anyways y'all know it already but this is a ''wwx is oblivious to lwj's feelings'' hatehouse #he's not oblivious fandom just hates a well written slow-burn love story #modao #lace speaks

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namor-shuri · 1 year

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Marvel Studios Assembled & Wakanda Forever Podcast: Namor/Shuri + Tenoch/Letitia Moments

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Marvel Studios Assembled: The Making of Wakanda Forever [available on Disney +] [w/ time stamps to follow along]

▻ The whole cast comforted and gave Letitia a group hug at San Diego Comic Con as she broke down [Tenoch kissed her shoulder] [0:27]

▻ “We know what Black Panther is but what makes it a Black Panther movie? If we were to do another one….how would audiences recognize it?” - Ryan Coogler [Director] [5:44]

▻ We learn that Namor’s character was discussed to be in Black Panther 2 while the first movie was being written. “In the comics, the two worlds have a great rivalry” - Joe Robert Cole [Screenwriter] [13:25]

▻ Ryan was interested in Meso-American culture for the Talokanil and “…upon research it became more clear that the people of the Yucatán made a ton of sense.” - Ryan Coogler [Director] [14:40] They wanted to give Namor a culture/background different from the comic book version [a white man]. “Their [Mayan] artwork and their advanced agriculture…all of these things that they accomplished, it was a perfect palette for us to delve into.” - Joe Robert Cole [Screenwriter] [16:40]

▻ Namor’s costumes and headpieces are curated from post Yucatec Mayan culture roots. “We used a lot of kelp and things to make the headdress and hand wove his cape, but we kept it pure to what he looked like in the comics.” - Ruth Carter [Costume Designer] [17:50]

▻ Ryan and Hannah Beachler [Production Designer] show us the set of Namor’s cave and explain the time/labor that went into creating this elaborate set. Ryan points to the mural painting of Namor and the Black Panthers fight. “This one’s my favorite one” - Ryan Coogler [Director] [22:25] We learn that the style of art is “Bonampak”

▻ Letitia had to learn how to swim for her role, along with the majority of the cast. “I struggled with it. Ryan called me and he was like ‘Tish, can you swim?’ I was like ‘Sir, sir, I’m in the lab. What more do you need from me coming out of that lab?” - Letitia Wright [Shuri] [26:06]

▻ All of the water scenes were half filmed under water, called “wet for wet”, and filmed outside of the water, called “dry for wet” scenes. The exosuits [Shuri is shown wearing one when exploring Talokan] were real suits that were also filmed underwater and were about a million and a half dollars each [explained by Chris Denison, Stunt Coordinator] [29:40]

▻ A clip of Letitia Wright’s “Screen Test (2016)” from the first Black Panther is shown [41:54] and we learn that Dominique Thorne [Riri Williams] also auditioned for Shuri’s role a while back

▻ The cast had differing emotions/opinions than Ryan about the decision to kill Queen Ramonda [played by Angela Basset]. “When I read that Ramonda was going to die by the hands of Namor, I was very upset. I think I almost cried on the phone to Ryan.” - Letitia Wright [Shuri] [43:43] Ryan and the writers felt her death would be a big “motivator”/ transformative moment in Shuri’s development and the eventual break down of her character to become the Black Panther [her arc]

▻ Ryan supported and pushed Letitia during the whole process of becoming the Black Panther to do her best work and continuously reminded her of who she was and what she was capable of when stepping into the role. Letitia wished Chad could have passed the torch to her himself to do it [46:02] + [55:03]

▻ [Referring to the making of Shuri’s Black Panther suit] “We were working with the design language of silver being representative of T’Challa, gold being representative of T’Chaka, and the little bit of where Killmonger’s coming from…We’re essentially taking those two elements and combining them.” - Ryan Meinerding [Head of visual development] [46:58]

▻ “Shuri vs Namor. We put alot into that fight.” - Aaron Toney [Fight Coordinator] [49:59] We see that a lot of the BTS of their big fight on the desert were shot with different individual sets with Tenoch, Letitia and stunt actors, separately and together. “I’m so proud of it. Shuri’s looking amazing, Namor’s looking amazing.” - Letitia Wright [Shuri] [50:27] Their fighting styles are explained to be very different, where Shuri is more calculated and Namor is more in his body. “With Namor, when it came to fighting styles, I pulled from….cultural aspects like Lucha Libre…asian cultures…I pulled from a style called Baji.” - Aaron Toney [Fight Coordinator] [50:49]

▻ “Processing in a way of expressing her pain and fury towards Namor, she thinks that’s going to be satisfying to her soul and it’s not….I think that’s a beautiful way to complete that arc, to realize that my brother wouldn’t do this, my mother wouldn’t want this for me….We see Shuri become a woman in her own right.” - Letitia Wright [Shuri] [53:00]

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Wakanda Forever: The Official Black Panther Podcast [Hosted by Ta-Nehisi Coates]: Chapter 5 w/ Letitia Wright, Tenoch Huerta, Dr. Gerardo Aldana [available on Spotify]

▻ “What does it mean when Wakanda and Talokan give us a beauty created not to justify enslavement but to celebrate freedom?” - Ta-Nehisi Coates [Host]

▻ Tenoch continues to put the spotlight back on indigenous communities/culture and does not claim to be apart of their experiences. “I don’t practice the culture so it is impossible to name myself indigenous….I’m not pretending to be something that I’m not…I’m just trying to honor my ancestors.” - Tenoch Huerta [Namor]

▻ A fan went to the movies with his Mayan grandma and she began to translate scenes herself while watching the film with him. “The Mayan group in LA said it [the character’s Mayan in the movie] sounds beautiful. You have an accent, it sounds good! They were happy with it.” - Tenoch Huerta [Namor]

▻ “Why are these two groups [Wakandans and the Talokanil] fighting each other? Why can’t they get together and go beat the colonizer?…I am a huge Black Panther fan but I was sitting there and found myself rooting for the Talokanil!” - Ta-Nehisi Coates [Host]

▻ Letitia was bullied in school for her appearance when she was growing up (ex. her size, being African, etc) “I kind of let that go…I talked myself out of the idea that I should be like anyone else.” She found comfort/ amusement in going viral on TikTok. “It’s definitely flattering but I’m really shocked…I’ve never been crushed on before in school…As a black woman, I’m moving into a space where I’m finally being called beautiful but I didn’t wait for them [the media/world] to tell me that at first. I told it to myself.” - Letitia Wright [Shuri]

▻ “This is the highest grossing movie with the lead character as a black woman and it’s you [Letitia]. How does that feel?” - Ta-Nehisi Coates [Host]

▻ “The love that Shuri has for T’challa is the love that Letitia has for Chadwick and that’s intertwined.” Letitia shares her initial hesitancy about doing the film without Chadwick after his passing and taking on the mantle as Black Panther. “I see it as I’m a vessel. I’m a trusted vessel that’s here to honor my brother.” - Letitia Wright [Shuri]

▻ Letitia laughs about fun moments they had on the set of Wakanda Forever. “He [Ryan Coogler] would say Namor and the Black Panther are having a conversation. It’s a big movie. Turn your phones off!” - Letitia Wright [Shuri]

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p4nishers · 1 year

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i need content of codywan that just started working together like the first few months where their dynamic is cody barely resisting the urge to strangle his general and obi wan being like. already fucking head over heels for him.

like cody was expecting someone highly impressive based on his records so he obviously is excited to work with him cause his batchmates already met him on kamino and genosis and they all liked him which was, looking back, probably a prank on codys sanity and his bastard gremlin vode were absulately dying laughing at him. anyway so he obviously has high expectations and then this slutty "hello there" mf turns up with no self-preservation whatsoever, a feral demon child of a padawan, half the republic tailing him for every bullshit imaginable and beef with EVERY SINGLE SITH EVER???? WHICH HE SOLVES BY ???? FUCKING FLIRTING WITH THEM????? so you can imagine codys not having a great time.

meanwhile, obi wan daydreams about cody constantly. draws up their wedding invitations before even meeting him. praises him every opportunity he gets. kicks his feet and giggles about codys sarcastic comments ABOUT HIM while being in a room with CODY. stops talking in the middle of his sentence when he spots cody across the room and waves at him with the biggest smile possible. sets up regular sparring practices with the vode just so he MIGHT have an opportunity to be close to cody. labels the time when cody accidentally fell on him because of an explosion and touched his lips for 0.00001 milliseconds as their first kiss and gossips about it to quinlan. calls bant regularly to update her on everything cody does ever. buys every kind of tea and caf he can afford as an excuse to talk to cody and go into his courters. flirts with cody 24/7 and blushes tomato red when cody smirks at him and thinks about it so much he constantly walks into walls and tables and chairs and shinies and. breaks a table after cody stubs his toe into it. passes the fuck out when cody carries him this one (1) time, not bc of blood loss or anything simply too much attraction. constantly searches the force for codys signature even when they're not in the same system. calls him disgustingly sappy petnames in every other sentence. corners all of codys batchmates and asks thousands of questions about cody bc he cannot get them out of the man for the life of him and yes, wolffe, he absulately will die without knowing codys favorite color what kind of question is that. cody smiles once a month and obi wan thanks him everytime. cody hands him back his lightsaber for the first time and he proposes, loudly, cody ignores him completely and walks away. convinces anakin and ahsoka to drop "subtle" hints that he would be a good husband.

and everyone around them is having the time of their life watching codys right eye twitch whenever he's in a room with kenobi long enough while the man himself doesn't take his eyes off the commander during the entire 4 hour meeting and blushes everytime cody looks at him without a fail. cody barely refrains from throwing his datapad at his general when he suggests some self-sacrificing bullshit again.

it's truly like:

obi wan, beaming and eyes possibly gleaming with adoration: hello there, cody. how are you today?

cody, grinding his teeth together: fine, sir. wanted to talk to you about this report cause it's seems to be mistaken. surely, you're not thinking of blowing yourself up just so that TWO man, who are not even in any immediate danger whatsoever, can escape. right?

obi wan, brightening even further bc he loves their daily "banter": oh but of course, my dear, they're valuable men and anyway, i promised anakin he'd get to use the explosives this time.

cody, right eye starting to twitch horribly: right, of course, stupid of me to ask. one more thing, general, you wouldn't decommission me for anything i do, would you, sir ?

obi wan: what– darling, of course not. why would you–

cody: alright then [punches obi wan then walks away]

obi wan:

obi wan: i'm so in love with that man.

it's said that to this day obi wan still giggles in the most inappropriate times about that punch because cody was SO HANDSOME YOU DONT GET IT MACE THE LIGHT HIT HIM JUST RIGHT AND–

anyway codys hatred lasts till obi wan saves rex by putting himself in danger and when they get back, both bruised and bloody but amazingly alive and obi wan smiles at him like he always does with rex draped across his scarred shoulder, something in cody just settles and thinks. oh. oh. so this is what bly was talking about.

#this came to me in a dream #anakin wrinkles his nose and asks himself why would his dad be in love w the most boring mf ever then witnesses that punch and fucking #cheers cause he finally understands yeah the guy is great he once threw an orange at his masters head and obi wan was so busy staring into #his eyes he forgot to deflect and it him fair and square on the forehead and he fell backwards off his chair and everyone turned to cody #shrugged and muttered 'bastard fucking deserved it he know what he did' and fucking walked away. anakin never been prouder of #having a ba'vodu in his LIFE #anyways the point of all of this is thag obi wan is down TREMENDOUSLY and codys is unimpressed af and i need to see that more in fics #codywan #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #clone wars #tcw #sw #star wars #gay #also YOU KNOW i had to add bly YOU KNOW OK I AM TRULY CONVINCED HE WAS THE FIRST CLONE TO FALL IN LOVE AND TALK ABT ROMANTIC LOVE AND ALL #THAT SHIT AND THE VODE BEING SKEPTICAL LIKE IDK MAN MAYBE U WERE DROPPED AS A TUBIE TF ARE U TALKING ABOUT AND BLY INSISTING THAT 'JUST #ASK CODY HE UNDERSTAND' AND CODY BEING ABSULATELY MORTIFIED LIKE 'NO I DO NOT IF HE TRIED ANYTHING ID PUNCH HIM RED COULDN'T STOP ME THIS #TIME I WOUMD SO DO IT DO NOT TEST ME'#yes im in love with cody what about it honestly

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writereleaserepeat · 9 months

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Fan Mail

Fan work based on the Kane & Jim series by @whumpsday . I’m always so inspired by K&J, both in how to make a compelling story and how to be a better author. Please go read the original K&J before reading this - I promise you the investment of time is worth it. Some creative liberties and departures from canon have been taken to make this story work.

Summary: Jim gets a special delivery - fan mail. Kane is horrified when he finds out what this means, and Liz manages to make it worse.

WC: ~5500

CW: recovery from abuse and torture, PTSD symptoms, hate comments

Kane heard the familiar hum of the mail truck long before it reached the end of Jim’s driveway. The poor excuse for a vehicle sputtered along with its usual concerning wheeze. After hearing it for the first time, Kane had been waiting for the day when it inevitably gave out for good. In the meantime, however, it would continue to deposit a meager collection of mass-mailed pamphlets in Jim’s mailbox once every weekday.

“Is that the mail?” Jim called from the kitchen, having apparently heard the telltale rattling on his own.

“Yes,” Kane answered simply, unsurprised that even a human was able to hear the metallic beast’s pathetic keening. After a moment he heard the vehicle’s direction of travel change, and Kane’s red eyes widened as his heart accelerated in his chest.

“It’s… it’s coming up the driveway.” His words came out strangled by fear, terror at the sudden and unexpected.

Of the days Kane had spent tucked away inside, hiding from the daylight that blazed beyond dark curtains, he’d come to embrace the comfort routine. He heard when the birds first began their song before dawn, and he listened to the wind shift through the nearby trees as mid-morning became afternoon. He found melodies in Jim’s footsteps upstairs, tracing the man’s path throughout the home each morning before he fetched Kane from the basement. Crickets began their crescendo as the sun began to fall towards the horizon, signaling that it would soon be time for Kane to return to the basement once more.

But the mail truck was supposed to pause for a moment before carrying on down the road. It wasn’t supposed to travel across Jim’s driveway and sputter ever-closer, carrying another human and goodness knows what else in its belly.

“Oh, Liz and Laken must have sent me a package,” Jim said with nonchalance. “Blaise drops any packages off on the porch, instead of the mailbox.”

The fact that Jim sounded unfazed did little to settle Kane’s growing panic.

“A package? But- but don’t they visit often? Why would they mail something when they can just bring it over?” The questions were all hiding Kane’s true concern: what’s the catch? How is this going to hurt me? Are the hunters finally coming back for me?

There was the brief sound of Jim drying his hands on the kitchen towel, and then he reemerged in the living room with a half-smile on his face. This one seemed genuine, kind.

“I think they want me to have a pleasant surprise now and then. I know money is tight for them, but they always find new ways to try and lift my spirits. Besides, if I refuse, Liz just starts counting how many birthdays and Christmases I missed.”

“Oh.” Kane’s anxiety coiled inside him like a spring. It was a painful reminder of those years he’d stolen from Jim, the years that Liz would never be able to return with a thousand well-meaning gifts. It was a reminder that Kane was a monster, and always would be.

The vampire soon realized that Jim had picked up on his nerves. He’d drawn the jacket tight around himself, pulled the hood in close to his cheeks, formed a barrier between himself and the rest of the world. It was like Kane was a child, trying to hide from the monsters in his closet.

Jim ran a hand through his curls and gestured halfheartedly towards the basement door.

“Why don’t you go downstairs for a few minutes? I’ll have to open the front door to get the package, and I don’t want you to worry about the sun.”

That was all the convincing that Kane needed. He willingly went down the stairs, past the silver door, and down into the dark recesses of his basement – no, the basement. He even let out a breath of relief as he heard the lock secured.

Moments later the rattling of the mail truck ceased to an idle hum. Kane could then hear Jim chatting with a stranger, their smiles evident in their tones.

“Hey, Blaise, how are you?”

“Doin’ just fine, Jim. I have a package here for you, not too heavy, but figured I’d spare you the walk down the driveway.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it, man. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Oh, I’m okay, the missus packed me some water for the road this morning.”

“Alright, if you say so. You take care now.”

“Likewise. Enjoy your afternoon, the weather out here is beautiful.”

Both of their voices were warm, friendly, alight with the jovial tone of passing acquaintances. The front door closed and Jim walked back to the kitchen, dropped his package and letters on the kitchen table, and then the lock on the basement door slid open.

“You can come up now. Blaise is gone, and the door is closed.”

Kane trotted up the stares obediently, relieved that Jim had been telling the truth, but simultaneously burning with shame. He’d made Jim go out of his way for something as simple as getting the mail, all because he couldn’t quell his own anxieties. Kane did nothing but complicate Jim’s life, all he’d done for the last decade was complicate it, and he wasn’t poised to stop any time soon. He felt the full weight of his burdensome existence deep in his stomach.

Although he’d heard the front door close, Kane swept his eyes carefully around the room before letting the basement door shut behind him. True to his senses, and much to his relief, there was no sunlight leaking into the house. Further inspection revealed pamphlets and a large box on the kitchen table, but Jim had seemingly ignored them in favor of the meal he had working on the stove.

The question dropped from his lips before Kane could swallow it. As anxious as the unexpected mail drop had made him, he was just as curious what Liz could have sent along through the post.

“Aren’t- aren’t you going to open it?”

“Nope,” Jim said without hesitation, and without apparent annoyance at Kane’s prodding inquiry. “It’s not a gift. Its garbage, and the garbage is where it’s going as soon as I’m done cooking these onions.”

“I can take care of that for you,” Kane offered, desperate to be helpful, especially after the scene he’d nearly caused because of a simple package delivery. Whatever was in that box was definitely a sensitive subject for Jim: Kane could hear it in the human’s rapid heartbeat and he could see it in his tensed muscles.

“It’s fine,” Jim said, his voice wavering a touch. “But… sure. Just dump the contents right into the trash, and put the box in after it, alright? Might have to cut the box down for it to fit.”

“Yes, Jim.”

Eager to assist, and pleased he’d remembered to use Jim’s name under pressure, Kane sprang forward and whisked the box off the table. His talons effortlessly split the tape and he proceeded to shake out the contents into the nearby trash can.

Much to Kane’s surprise, a pile of letters came fluttering out of the box, and they fell in piles onto the waste that was already sitting in the bottom of the trash bag. The panic that had just been quelled re-emerged. Kane drew in a breath and let out a shaking whimper. There was no way Jim had meant to throw out letters, right? They were handwritten, addressed to him by name, sealed with stamps and beautifully scrawling script.

“I- Jim- I don’t think this is- these are letters! They’re addressed to you!” His nervous exclamation was louder than he intended, but Kane wasted no time in digging his arms down into the wastebin, fishing out fistfuls of letters in a hurried attempt to save them.

When he glanced up, Jim had a scornful look on his face, which made Kane shirk back.

“Yeah, I know. That’s why they’re trash. Put ‘em back, stuff ‘em to the bottom of the can, and get the bag ready to go to the curb.”

Kane had to force a swallow, and he quickly dropped the letters back into the bottom of the trash. The rest followed, and he tore the cardboard box into pieces that he piled on top of the letters. Whatever they were, Jim didn’t want to see them, much less acknowledge them.

Before he closed the lid he noted the return address on the box. It fluttered to the bottom of the trash just like the letters, but not before Kane had taken in the sender’s identity.

Birchwood Forest Publishing, Inc.

That created more questions than it answered. However, Kane knew he had already pushed on Jim’s good graces with this matter, and the thought of upsetting him further made the hair on the back of Kane’s neck stand up straight. If this was something Jim wanted to keep a secret, Kane would let him have that secret.

Still, the curiosity gnawed at him like hunger.

---

Five days after the incident with the mysterious package, and four days since any remaining evidence had been schlepped outside for trash collection, Liz and Laken came to visit. Kane had been gradually growing accustomed to their visits, including Liz’s caustic stare. It was no less than he deserved.

The two hunters had just come off shift, so it was quite early in the morning when they’d arrived. Kane had heard their arrival upstairs, and he’d listened with earnest pining as the family laughed and joked and made their way through the otherwise quiet house.

Kane had been allowed upstairs after sunrise. The ankle restraints were familiar by now, even comfortable, and he was able to sit on Jim’s couch in silence as Laken retold stories of the last week in town. He was sure the interest was apparent on his face, but he sat rapt through Laken’s retelling of the butcher who had finally gained the courage to ask the diner owner on a date. Although the entire affair could have lasted no more than two minutes, Laken had managed to stretch the tale into almost ten minutes, and their impassioned dramatization was the most relaxed Kane had been in days.

It was pleasant. There was no denying how nice it was, sat like a friend among these three humans, even if they largely ignored Kane’s presence. He was soaking in the laughter, the smiles, no matter the fact none were directed at him. Their blood smelled sweet, but not nearly as sweet as the joy Kane gained from listening to them laugh at something aside from his own pain.

The illusion of perfection was shattered when Jim finally piped up.

“Yeah, you won’t believe what I got in the mail this week. Another box of fan mail from the fuckin’ publishers. I told them months ago that I didn’t want them forwarding that shit anymore.” When he spoke he only sounded mildly irritated, at best, while Kane knew he’d been furious when the box had first arrived.

Kane immediately sat at attention, his calm dissipated, and he leaned forward as the siblings scowled in unison.

It had to be about the box and the letters, of course. There was no other noteworthy mail that Jim had received over the last week. “Them” could only mean one thing: Birchwood Forest Publishing, Inc.

“Fuckers,” Liz grumbled, and she took a sip of her cold cola, her lips smudging the frost on the side of the glass. “You’d think they’d at least screen it, right? You know, actually look at what they’re sending you, not just stuff it in a box and hope all is well.”

Jim scoffed.

“I don’t want any of it. No praise, no love letters, nothing. They can burn it, for all I care. Just stop sending it to my doorstep.” There was no hiding the sheer disgust that dripped from every word.

This only piqued Kane’s interest further. Why would Birchwood Forest Publishing send Jim love letters? And if they were indeed love letters, why did Jim speak of them with such vehement hatred?

Of the humans in attendance, Laken seemed the least bothered by the cryptic discussion. They stood up and stretched before grabbing the now-empty plate in front of them.

“I’m going to the kitchen to grab a beer and get the dishes started. Anyone else want anything?”

“I’ll be back once I take a leak,” Jim said, standing up alongside Laken.

“Guess that leaves me to babysit,” Liz said, to which the other humans laughed.

Kane’s cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment. He knew that Liz’s words were in jest, but dread knotted in his stomach nonetheless. As Jim and Laken left, Kane wrung his hands together. Being left alone with Liz was always scary. Even now, before Jim had left the room, her glare burned holes in his tattered soul.

“So, do you even know what Jim was talking about? The letters?” She asked once both humans were out of earshot. The accusatory tone was yet another clue Kane hadn’t picked up on before – whatever this was about, it was because of him.

When it came to Jim’s endless pain and suffering, what wasn’t Kane’s fault?

“J- Jim got a package the other day,” Kane started. There was a soft waver to his voice, but he pushed on. “It was large box that came with the mail. He told me to throw it away, and I did- well, I started to. I thought he made a mistake, because it was letters, and they were addressed to him. But… he made it very clear that he didn’t make a mistake. He told me to throw them out without even looking at them.”

“Mhm.” Liz leaned back into the chair and crossed her right leg across her lap. “Do you know what those letters were?”

For a moment, Kane was tempted to lie. After all, Jim had told him to throw the letters out, not look at who the box was from. He didn’t want to admit that he had learned more than he’d been allowed to. At the same time, he felt as though Liz could stare through him and all his secrets.

“No. All I know is that the box was sent from Birchwood Forest Publishing, and that it made Jim very upset.” This confession came just as quietly, an admission that he’d snooped where he shouldn’t have.

“You know that Jim published a book, right? A book about what you did to him. A book about how he survived, despite that.” There was no missing the accusatory tone in her voice, that anger she never quite abandoned when speaking to Kane. It was a sound that made him want to sink into the earth and never reemerge.

Yes, and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I swear that I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me please please please…

“Yes,” he squeaked out, and pulled his hands close to his chest, as though that could protect him from a hunter’s stake.

“Well, you see,” Liz continued with another sip of her cola, “the book was a bestseller. Everyone loved the story. A human escaping from vampire territory? It was unheard of, especially after five years in captivity. It sold like wildfire the first year, and the sales haven’t slowed down since. But that level of notoriety, well, it causes problems too.”

Of course it did. Everything Kane touched caused problems for Jim. Even the very story of Jim’s captivity, and his attempt to make some profit from it, caused years of cascading pain.

“I’m sorry.” This time he couldn’t stop the apology slipping from his lips. It burned in his throat, and tears pricked his eyes. There would never be enough apologies in the world for what he’d done, and the thought that it continued to this day ached in Kane’s very bones.

“You don’t know the half of it.” That acidic abrasiveness gave Liz’s voice an edge. “The book had only been out for a week when the publishers forwarded the first box of fan mail. That’s what they called it, anyway. These were letters that readers had sent in to the publisher, addressed for Jim, because the publishers are some of the only people in the world with his address. They gathered up the letters, put them in a box, and sent them his way. You should have seen the way he smiled, thinking that maybe he’d inspired hope in some people, or that he’d find someone else who went through the same thing.

“Sure, some of the letters were like that. They told him how brave he was, how they could never imagine being so strong, or that his story gave him hope that their missing relatives would come home safe one day. But there were awful letters too. People who wrote solely to tell him that he should have died in captivity. Vampires who snuck into human territory to send words of vitriol for all humans, not just Jim. There were letters that accused him of being a liar, that he’d made up all of that suffering for the fame. For every kind letter of inspiration, there were at least two more than made him sick. They hurt him all over again.”

Kane’s head spun. He’d known that humans could be cruel – he knew that intimately well after his stint with the hunters – but he had no idea they could be so cruel to one another. And because of his own ignorance, not just trusting Jim when he said to throw the letters out, he’d dredged up all that hurt again.

“I didn’t know,” he whispered, wishing he could hide his face. “I swear, I didn’t- I didn’t know. I never meant for people to hurt him like that, I swear, if I could stop it-”

Liz cut him off with a wave of her hand.

“For once, this isn’t your fault. I mean, it is your fault. But people being dicks for the sake of being dicks? Humans have done that to each other since the beginning of time. Still, it doesn’t mean that Jim can handle it, not anymore.”

That sisterly softness crept into her expression, sadness clouding her eyes. She didn’t look up at Kane, but instead down at the floor, focused intently on the edges of Jim’s rug.

“I won’t ask about the letters again,” Kane assured her. If he’d learned anything from his time in captivity, it had been that making mistakes was unforgivable. Jim had been kind enough to let the letters slide this once, and without comment. If Jim had been upset by Kane’s inquiries about the letters, he’d hidden it well.

“I’m sure you won’t,” Liz said. “If you do, and he gets upset, you’ll have to deal with me.”

It was a threat that was often left unspoken, so Kane didn’t hesitate to acknowledge it.

“Yes, I understand.”

After a moment of thought, Liz tilted her head to the side.

“Have you read his book?”

“N- no, I haven’t. The only books I’ve read are the ones he’s given me.” These were the words that Kane managed to say, but even more ran through his mind.

I don’t think I can read Jim’s book, not by myself. You’d have to tie me down and read it to me so I can’t run away from what I did. It just hurts too much. Haven’t I already paid the price? Do I just have to keep reliving my sins over, and over, and over again? Is this the rest of my life?

“Well, maybe you should one day.” Liz spoke in a noncommittal tone. “I know he has some advanced reader copies still up in his attic.”

Kane was spared having to answer as Jim walked back into the room. He patted water off his hands onto his jeans, and stared at Liz with a smirk.

“What, not helping Laken with the dishes?”

“It’s their turn,” Liz shot back without a moment’s hesitation. “I did them last time!”

The siblings continued their chatter and Kane took the opportunity to retreat into himself, pushing out the questions and the discomforts from his time with Liz. If he sat with them for much longer, he’d be sick.

---

Kane had excused himself to the basement looking rather ill, and Jim hadn’t pushed the issue. The hood on the jacket had come up and Kane had wrapped his arms around himself, which Jim had come to recognize meant Kane was having a bad time. Given that it had only happened after he’d left the vampire with Liz, however, he had his suspicions as to the sudden cause.

“What did you say to Kane?” he asked, giving Liz a pointed look. Her shrug and averted gaze told him that she’d pushed something she shouldn’t have.

“I just told him about the hate mail.”

“Dammit, Liz,” Jim groaned. “You think the guy doesn’t have enough guilt? I tried not to tell him when it came in the mail the other day, and that was on purpose. I can promise you he’s blaming himself for it now, and I’m sure that’s why he left early.”

“I told him it wasn’t his fault,” she said, somewhat defensively.

“Yeah, like that’s going to make a difference in his fucked-up brain! Ask me how I know.”

“He needs to understand that his actions have consequences. Sometimes, those consequences are so far removed from the action that they’re hard to conceive. I just wanted him to see that his actions have long-lasting effects in ways he’d never have expected.”

Jim sighed and brought a hand up to his neck. In his discomfort, even in front of his sister, he was compelled to cover his scar.

“He sees those consequences. He sees them every day, and I don’t think he needs any more punishment than he’s received. You’re not here all day with him. The guilt, and the trauma, they’re eating him alive. Every. Day.”

“If you say so,” Liz said. She wrapped her arms around him, a sensation he’d never grow tired of. “But if you ever need any help keeping him in line, you call me, alright?”

“I know,” he said, and closed his eyes. All he could see was Kane cowering away from him on the first day he’d been home. How was that the same vampire that had tortured him for years? “I know.”

---

“Hey, Kane?” Jim called down the basement stairs, unwilling to enter Kane’s space without permission or good reason. “Are you alright? Liz and Laken are gone, you can come up if you’d like.”

It took a few moments for the vampire to take him up on the offer. There was the telltale shuffle of chains around his ankles, which he hadn’t removed before Kane retreated to the basement. Those familiar red eyes appeared at the base of the stairs and Kane made his way up slowly, cautiously.

“You’re not in trouble,” Jim reassured him, hoping to head off any nervous questions before they emerged. “I’m not upset that you and Liz talked about the letters.”

“Oh. Okay, I’m… Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Jim said as Kane tip-toed into the first floor of the house. “You’re allowed to talk with my sister about things like that. Hell, you’re allowed to talk to me. You know you’re allowed to ask questions, right? If I’m uncomfortable I won’t answer, but you’re still allowed to ask. You’ll never be punished for asking.”

“Yes, Jim.” The answer wasn’t particularly convincing, but Jim wasn’t going to push it. He carried on instead.

“I know I was upset when the mail came, but you were still allowed to ask about it if you had questions. I would have told you why I was uipset. I was mad at the publishers for sending it, not at you for checking about the letters.”

Kane’s red eyes watered with sadness, but tears didn’t fall.

“I’m sorry,” the vampire said, all but blubbering. “I’m sorry that people have been so cruel to you. I know it’s- it’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not your fault.” Jim tried to stress this, despite the small voice in his mind wanting to scream. Yes, of course it was Kane’s fault, in some distant way. But the Kane in that stupid book, the Kane that the rest of the world got to know, wasn’t the Kane that stood before him today. This Kane could hardly get a word out without sobbing.

“I’m… I’m sorry. Thank you for not getting upset.”

“Not upset at you,” Jim reiterated. “If you have any questions about the book, or the letters, you can ask. I might not be able to answer all of your questions, but I’ll try.”

He watched carefully as Kane looked down at the floor, then back up to Jim, and then back to the floor again.

“I… I had an idea.”

“Oh?” This came as a surprise to Jim. There were some things Kane had taken an initiative with, such as being useful around the house, but he rarely contributed any attempted ingenuity.

Kane fidgeted where he stood before continuing.

“You, uhm, did you like some of the letters? The nice ones?”

It had been a year since Jim had even opened one of the boxes from the publisher, and even longer since he’d read any letters the boxes contained. Even if there were a dozen letters praising his courage and complimenting the storytelling, one hate-filled page was enough to send him spiraling. It got to the point where even seeing the box in the mail spiked his anxiety and brought on nightmares.

It took a letter from a vampire, one who had managed to post the letter into human territory, to make Jim swear off opening them altogether. Those were the letters he remembered, not the kind ones. Those letters were the ones that gave him new nightmares.

“I suppose so,” Jim admitted with a sigh. “It was nice to hear from people who were supportive. I used to wonder if putting that book out into the world was the right thing to do, but enough letters convinced me that it did some good. I’d like to think it helped some people, wherever they might be in their lives. Maybe it still is.”

“Then… maybe I could screen the letters for you?”

This was something that Jim hadn’t foreseen. He stared at Kane with wide eyes, blinking in disbelief.

“Wait. You mean you’d read through all of the letters?”

“Yes, Jim.” Kane’s voice rose in pitch, likely a combination of nerves and excitement. “I could read all the letters, and only pass on the ones that are kind and supportive. You’d never even see the other ones.”

An ache blossomed in Jim’s heart. This wasn’t just groveling and begging: it was Kane offering himself up as a barricade between Jim and the rest of the world, and he was doing so without any care for his own self-preservation.

Jim didn’t need prompting to remember some of the other letters he received. Letters that were neither expressing hatred towards himself nor admiration. There’d also been the letters from the vampire hunters and various victims, all dripping with hatred for not just all vampires, but Kane specifically. Undoubtedly, there were similar letters in the box that had been discarded just a few nights prior.

No words of affirmation from strangers would be worth putting Kane through that. Not now, not after everything had changed. Kane’s well-being was worth more than any hollow words of praise.

“No, man, it’s all trash. I don’t need that shit.” His smile felt painfully fake, but he put it on for Kane’s sake. “I appreciate the offer, though.”

A pause spanned the air between them as Kane’s distress prickled.

“And, uhm, Jim?”

“Yeah?”

“Liz said I should… she said I should read the book. You never gave it to me, so, uhm, I’m not sure if you wanted me to, but I… I would do it, if that’s what you wanted. It would… it would be hard, I’m not sure I could do it on my own, but I’d try, I’d really try, if you said to.” The tears Kane was holding back were obvious as his voice cracked. He couldn’t even look up at Jim as he spoke.

Dammit, Liz. Part of Jim wished she was still in his living room so he could ask her what the hell she’d been thinking when she said that.

Instead, he had to draw a deep breath in through his nose and let it out through his mouth. Yes, this was a sensitive subject, but he was ready to navigate it. Jim knew he was healing, because he patted Kane gently on the top of his head instead of screaming. There were things in those pages neither would be able to bear revisiting.

“To tell you the truth, I’ve never read the whole thing,” he ended up saying. He was painfully aware of just how much in the book could wind up traumatizing them both if they ever dared to read the words. “I would never, ever ask you to read that. It was something from a different time in my life. A different time in your life. So long as the cheques keep coming in the mail, that’s all I’ll ever care about it.”

“Are you… are you sure?” The incredulity in Kane’s voice never ceased to break Jim’s heart all over again. Even after all this time in Jim’s home, it was like the vampire expected him to become as grotesque as the hunters.

“I’m sure.” Say it until you believe it. “It’s in the past now. For me, and for you.”

“I can handle the pain,” Kane choked out, tears coming in thick now. “I can, I swear. It’s the least I deserve, to try and understand…”

“No. I mean it. You’ve been through enough; no, we’ve both been through enough. The book is a paycheck, that’s it: it’s not a part of any fucked-up penance you think you deserve. I don’t want you to read it.”

“Okay. I understand, Jim.” The pain in Kane’s voice was still heavy, but Jim could bear it now. So long as the vampire was willing to back down, rather than spiral into a panic, they were making progress.

“Alright.” Another smile on Jim’s lips, this one feeling slightly more real. “As long as we’re on the same page – no pun intended.”

For the first time in almost two days Kane let out a sound that resembled a chuckle. He still didn’t meet Jim’s eyes, but that was okay. This is how their life was now. Baby steps, one day at a time.

“How about we get the kitchen properly cleaned up?” Jim offered, trying to brighten his tone. He couldn’t be jovial, not with his heart thundering so fast and the weight of the conversation on his shoulders, but he tried nonetheless. “I know Laken and Liz try to be good guests, but they never put the glasses back in the right spot.”

“Yes! I can do that.” Kane was still wiping tears from his cheeks, but his enthusiasm was impossible to miss. There was no mistaking his relief at being granted a task, one that he’d been praised for before.

Without another word, Kane darted off towards the kitchen on light feet, the jacket relaxed a touch across his shoulders.

Jim followed after him, trying not to think about the advanced readers’ copies of the book that sat in his attic.

#whump #whump writing #whump community #whump blog #kane & jim #whumpsday #tagging a creator who is so heralded in the community is honestly intimidating #I could have done better on this work... but I'm just glad I'm writing #I am so self conscious about this #I'm a very exhausted and out of practice author without a beta and alcohol in my veins #but kane and jim give me so much inspiration... I love this series so dearly #I have other ideas for fanworks but we'll see #thank you whumpsday for being so tremendous and such a cornerstone of the whump community #fanfiction

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macknashell · 7 months

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one thing that has surprised me in my 1+ years on this hellscape of a site is how most of the jjk fans i have run into are also bsd fans. you guys have no idea how genuinely happy that makes me.

#i am so tired #i am in the climax of midterms week and i am feeling it tremendously #anyways i hope you are all having a lovely day/afternoon/night/whenever you're reading this #also y'all gotta remind me to post here more often i have been LACKING in general #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #mack's rambles and shambles

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dustylogicalityrat · 2 days

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"Hey, Logan? I heard you crying from next door. Is everything alright?"

Logan glanced up at his roommate with red, puffy eyes. "It's ridiculous, Patton. Do not concern yourself about me."

Patton grabbed the tissues from the living room just outside and returned to hand them to the clearly upset man. "Your feelings are not ridiculous. And you're always welcome to talk about it with me."

Logan sniffed. "Really, Patton. I'll be just fine. I've just... lost something."

He frowned a bit. "Oh. Was it something important to you?"

Logan's eyes welled up. He nodded and hid his face with the collar of his shirt, slowly beginning to rock back and forth.

Patton so badly wanted to reach out and hug him. But he remembered his roommate vividly stating he had his own boundaries and expected them to be respected. "Is there any way I could help you look for it?"

Logan let out a silent sob before shaking his head.

"I'll miss him so much, Patton."

Patton stared in confusion before looking at the empty cage by the window. Then he started to cry. "Oh."

÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷

um, so, i was thinking about how sad i am that rats, even domesticated, well-cared-for, and healthy, have such short life-expectancies (five years at the healthiest. the oldest, named Rodney, died at seven, and was under extremely unique circumstances). and i wanted to cry really bad. so i calmed down with platonic/romantic/queer-platonic Logicality. because i miss them.

#sanders sides #tw death implied #logan sanders #ts logan #patton sanders #ts patton #tw rat death #by the way #make sure you get at the very least two rats at a time #because it hurts their health tremendously if they don't have access to socialization #i make connections with rats and logan sanders because i'm insane for them #rats #i love rats so so much #guys #i think i picked a pretty fitting url #logicality #platonic or romantic #i just love them #crayon writes 📝🖍

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ijemmaokafor · 6 months

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"I got bored and found an encyclopedia of dog breeds. I assigned one to everybody in town. It's based on the very scientific 'vibes' method. I learned some interesting stuff! Like poodles are weirdly good at logic and puzzles (that's why you're a poodle, Cian). And that Shetland Sheepdogs make great vineyard guards."

#redwood headcanon #[please know that I love every dog so every assigned dog is a tremendous compliment]#[if you don't recognize the breed/are curious just ask!...writing them all out made for a chaos disaster post so I skipped that]

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anakinh · 2 months

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all of my other posts on rebirth have some complaints or just pure complaint, which does not reflect my feelings on the game, so i'm going to now post a thing i like with each complaint. my current complaint is 'none of the words "queen's blood tournament on the shinra-8" is in the original game.' (and that includes shinra-8, shut up). here is a list of compliments about the game:

Starting as Zack generated SO MUCH hype. i was screaming

the music around the midgar wastelands is 'hollow'! I love it so much

playing as sephiroth was so fun. he's amazingly designed and his VA acted the hell out of nibelheim. very well done

i like the additional tension between cloud and tifa, with both of them suspecting the other of being an imposter

baby chocobo cute

the combat is very fun. yeeting tifa is great

it's so pretty! i have so many photos! of so many things!

FROG QUEST BEST QUEST

weed canon in ff7-verse

despite my imminent complaint, queen's blood is pretty good

in fact, most of the mini-games weren't terrible

also, the queen's blood weird subplot is very intriguing, as is the sucked into queen's blood subplot (until the timing made me want to kms). i do like it when i get to yell 'WHAT THE FUCK' at the screen. sometimes you have to remember that ff7 is a very silly game.

okay, now that i've paid my dues I just wanna say that there are so many minigames all at once. Literally most of chapter 4 were mini-games and then we jump into chapter 5 and it's another mini-game tourney?? jenova is RIGHT THERE in the boat. please just let me jenova boss fight. I'm forgetting what the plot is. (and this is also a general problem with open world games. even in BG3 I was spending time shopping in the Lower City instead of helping my friend who got kidnapped by murder cultists. sigh)

anyway they turned this game into 100 hours by filling it with padding. again. (imagine cloud narrating 'and then I got the vacuum to clean the air of mako so i could use the elevator... and then the cord WAS STUCK.' he remembers that but not killing sephiroth?)

also I don't like the way they're treating Shinra right now, especially Rufus. If I trusted Square Enix I wouldn't be blinking at it, since there are so many times where people talked about how horrible Shinra was... but I definitely don't trust Square Enix, and especially not how they write Rufus. Shouldn't he be talking about ruling with fear now? stop trying to sanitize the evil capitalist. I hope Barret is right when he said joining was a bad idea. I shouldn't have to hope. It should be obvious. It would be if I trusted Square Enix.

lastly, seriously, wtf is up with glenn T_T why is he here. why do i dislike a person from a mobile game showing up here when people from prequels showing up is fine? i mean definitely part of that is because crisis core is not a gatcha game.

... and that was like 4 complaints. it's just easier to say things when you're complaining instead of praising. I gotta work on that.

#me.txt #rebirth spoilers #just let me get to jenova man i love her so much #i play rebirth #i am having fun but i just want to say that open world games in general do not agree well with me. and i've never liked the minigames #so frankly just saying that they were bearable is tremendous praise #i had something else ot say but whatever. i'm sure i'll get to it #i am also aware that you do not HAVE to do perfect on queen's blood or the junon rhythm game or the piano game #but *i* have to #ya have to at least get the A. anything below is unacceptable. this might be school trauma.

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