#i made most of these out of rage

[snuize]

Yall should totally check out my character playlists

#i made most of these out of rage #why are most character playlists SO bad #like no #paul danos riddler would not listen to hayloft by mother mother #????? #batman rogues #batman #Spotify #character playlist #playlist #the riddler #edward nygma #the mad hatter #jervis tetch #the scarecrow #jonathan crane #twoface #two face #harvey dent #not art #they are in order of how accurate i think they are #bc wtf kind of music would my riddler listen to #oh yeah they are based more specifically off what i think MY designs would listen to

[dead-girl-tells-stories]

DC x DP Prompt

To the delight of Gotham's citizens, and the dismay of her criminal underbelly, the GCPD has a new specialized unit that ACTUALLY apprehends criminals and brings them to justice!

It's a relatively small squad of mostly young adults, who looked fresh out of their teens. But age didn't matter once they got the work done. And they did, as they've already got criminals like Penguin, Riddler, and Bane behind bars for what looks to be 'for good'.

No one besides Commissioner Gordan knows anything about the squad as they operate as a mostly separate entity from GCPD. It was rare to see any of them, and any photos taken were unusually blurry. They are also extremely secretive; if you exclude their social media which are usually just shit posts, memes, and thirst edits of the Wayne family.

They were a total mystery. Almost as mysterious as Batman.

But those who have seen/worked with the squad before all had the same thing to say about them. They were cool. They had an unusually effective method. And their leader is a menace. With his sharp teeth and pointed smile. And bright blue eyes that spoke to your soul. It was a pleasure to see/ work with him, it really was. But they weren't planning on doing so again for a long time.

That being said, Gotham had been quiet for a while. A bit too quiet if you ask anyone, especially the Bats. Strangely, it didn't feel like the usual calm before the shit storm. The instinctual pit in their guts that usually formed just wasn't there. This was different. This wasn't the calm before the storm. This was the ocean receding. But no one seemed to realize it yet.

Not until the tsunami came crashing down on them.

The GCPD special unit accounts that had been inactive for the last three months suddenly pinged to life. Everyone who followed them clicked the notification almost immediately. With this unnerving calm surrounding them, who the hell didn't want to see what batshit crazy statement they would make after three months of radio silence.

What they didn't expect, was to see a crystal-clear picture of justice finally being served.

The picture was a selfie, taken in an abandoned warehouse. In the middle of the dirty floor was the Joker. He was tied up and his head hung low. You could see how beaten he was, his clothes torn and bloody. His face paint was also coming off, revealing pale blotchy skin. Reminding everyone that, he was still human, just like the rest of them.

Behind him, all lined up with smiles on their faces, was Team Phantom. They were a bit bloody and bruised as well but overall in much better condition. They weren't wearing the normal GCPD navy blue uniform, but black and white ones. All stylized to fit the wearers taste. They all looked so young, but their eyes looked like old tired eyes, finally getting some relief.

From in the corner was their leader. Only part of his face was in the picture. One glowing blue eye, and part of his Cheshire smile. His hand making a peace sign next to the Joker. Even with only part of his being shown, everyone could tell he was relived as well.

And while the picture itself was shocking, the caption was what really got them. The top was what you would usually expect from the team. A big bold 'GOT EM' ' at the top. But at the bottom in small, almost unnoticeable text was:

"He will face his punishment. We will get our retribution. May we finally rest in peace."

#dp x dc #dpxdc #dc x dp #dcxdp #dp x dc prompt #dp dc crossover #dp x dc crossover #dc x dp prompt #danny and the gang are fragments of the souls of those the joker + the other criminals killed or got killed because of them #guess who most of danny's soul is made of #hint: he has pit rage #the joker is no longer human that's why they had a hard time cathing him #neither are the bats but neither party knew #i would like to mention that danny is tiny #he missed his growth spurt and is making it everyone's problem #danny is a tiny menace #danny sam val dash and kwan mostly work out in the feld #tucker wes and star are the guys and gal in the chair #Paulina Dan and Jazz are the lawyers who prosecute the crimanals #they always win #duh #ellie is their mascot #shes also a mencae #she sometimes go out on the felid #wearing a tutu #combat boots #and a studded leather jacket #with her hair in pig tails #she also has a spiked bat #she WILL use it

[miroana]

Things I like about Troy (2004)

- Everyone is so hot. so hot. thank you for your service

- Amazing action choreography and acting — you can recognize the characters from their fighting and movements alone

- Gorgeous set and costume design

- Good acting performances. shoutout to Odysseus for being the best (and shady as hell), Hector for his impeccable honor, and Achilles, Helen, and Paris for being hot as fuck. It deserves a second mention

- Agamemnon sucks and it needed to be said

- That one line about the gods envying mortals because everything is more beautiful when you’re doomed, which everyone attributes to Homer but was actually just Brad Pitt

- Depicts the sacking of Troy as a tragedy and not a triumph which is what Homer would have wanted

Things I don’t like about Troy (2004)

- cousins

- Not accurate to the Iliad in any sense whatsoever

- Like seriously that was off in so many ways I’m not even going to bother to list them. just assume that if it happened in the movie it’s probably not in the Iliad

- All the women had no personality besides being sad. It’s such a shame bc I have it on good authority that Helen is brilliant if a bit vain and Briseis is very kind and brave

- cousins?

- The gods aren’t in it (no hilarious petty squabbling)

- My man Patroclus didn’t get his heroic bloody rampage so effective and violent that Apollo had to put him down

- No Big Ajax and his friend, Little Ajax

- Also, where is Diomedes is he safe is he okay? No, I get it. they didn’t want to overshadow Achilles and Diomedes is a class A badass. but still

- Achilles never physically fights a river in his endless rage (and wins)

- COUSINS???

#I love controversy and terrible classical history retellings so I’m here to weigh in #on one of the most controversial and terrible classical retellings out there #quite enjoyable. even as it made me brim with the rage of achilles #troy (2004) #troy 2004 #achilles #odysseus #patroclus #agamemnon #paris #hector #ancient greece #greek mythology #homer #<- in the loosest sense #tagamemnon

[thefirstknife]

While I 100% agree that if people aren't having fun they should take a step back/quit, I don't like the "if you're not having fun just go find another game" argument because it's so often used to shut down actual legitimate criticism from people who are otherwise enjoying the game but want genuine problems to be addressed. (I've seen it, for example, when people try to bring up bigotry in games and suggest maybe making some changes to remove it. I always get wary when I see people say it now.)

Oh yeah absolutely. There's real criticism that we have to be able to point out and discuss. A lot of the times people use this for any minor criticism someone has and I agree, that's often a way to shut down the conversation. Criticism in general is supposed to come from a place of love: you love something and you want to see it be better.

Unfortunately, in this case, when the community turns into ONLY negativity and criticism, it's kinda hard to believe they care about the game anymore. If people still had some positive stuff to engage with and were enjoying the game but had issues, then sure. But most of the negativity online right now is just purely rage bait. Bungie apparently has no redeeming qualities, and Destiny is dead. Misinformation is spreading about everything: all devs abandoned Destiny to work on Marathon (claim with no source that's accepted as fact and makes no sense: Destiny is the only game making them money, they can't abandon it before Marathon is out. Like, logically), monetisation is the worst in the industry (I genuinely don't believe that they play other games if they think that Destiny's monetisation is the worst in the industry), Bungie is maliciously banning people for fun (????) but also Bungie isn't banning people enough, Bungie is maliciously making server issues and didn't develop a "fix server" button in their office, game development is easy and Bungie is just lazy and the devs don't want to tell us anything because they're evil, Destiny is falling apart and nobody is playing anymore (just trust me bro), and most recent one which is possibly the most baffling of all - Bungie Foundation is a scam to write off taxes. Yes, that is currently discourse (which apparently gets recycled every year). Bungie Foundation, a charity organisation that's been going on for 13 years and is an independent registered organisation, is a scam. This is where we're at with the community mentality. And there's even more.

When we're at this point, it's truly something else. Like, if they believe conspiracy theories about Bungie and think Bungie is scamming them, maybe they just shouldn't play the game anymore. Why are they still here if they think this is all a scam? I would drop the game if I believed any of this so strongly.

Normal people having criticism and all is perfectly fine however! I did my fair share especially recently about the season pass pricing changes which I called a predatory practice and still believe it is. There's a lot more stuff to complain about while still enjoying the game and not basing your entire online existence and personality on hating Bungie. If they've got nothing else to do besides sitting on twitter shitting on Bungie, maybe it's time to move on.

I've also had my suspicions about the motives for hardcore Bungie hate after the incidents involving transphobic attacks on Bungie devs following the LF showcase, as well as all the crap about Nimbus and their VA. Given the recent developments about the general anti-LGBT+ mentality, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a contingent of people who are focusing on Bungie more than anyone else for how outspoken they are in their support for LGBT+ causes. Like, not to do some big reach or something but it's fairly curious that gamers online are adopting the anti-LGBT+ sentiments while Bungie is aggressively supportive. It just rubs me the wrong way that the one company that's committed to this and has been for years before most other companies jumped on the bandwagon is the one that they're choosing to paint as the worst villain. And the LGBT+ support isn't even all, as Bungie has other initiatives where they actively support women's right, reproductive rights, poc rights, disability rights and so on). I don't know, I've been a part of the gaming community for a long time and while there's been massive changes since the early days (and since gamergate days), the issues of bigotry in gaming remain. It feels particularly suspicious to, out of ALL companies, single out Bungie which invests in charities and progressive causes. Like, in the grand scheme of things, every corpo is robbing me blind, I know that, I have to give money to corpos to live on this Earth, so I at least want to give it to a corpo that considers me to be a human being and funds causes that promote my rights, instead of wanting me dead.

Ironically, all of this weird hate makes it harder to have actual normal criticism. It just gets drowned and lost in the sea of exaggerated bullshit and lies and conspiracies perpetuated by people who just don't seem to like the game anymore. At the end of the day, it's a video game. Whatever criticism we have, if it gets to the point where we just can't handle the state of the game, the best way to show it is to simply stop playing. A deluge of harassment on twitter will not bring about meaningful change nor will it adequately convey our criticism to anyone. If they truly want some changes, they would do this criticism in a way that matters, instead of creating a horde of angry gamers who will latch onto every lie and create a hate bandwagon.

#destiny 2 #bungie #long post #ask #i def agree with the premise of the ask btw. if that isn't clear #not all criticism is just meaningless rage #unfortunately it's harder than ever to parse through the bullshit to find it #and like. if this leads to less monetisation or something. sure. I'd like that too #but the methods being employed here are literally only hurting community managers devs and the community itself #the marketing board of execs at bungie who decided on monetisation aren't reading twitter comments #going at bungie won't solve the problems of capitalism #you gotta join a different cause to do that my working class siblings #check a discussion on the industry from thiccest_yosh on twitter (he's a bungie dev) #he specifically called out monetisation ruining art as well as misinformation and rage being spread by CCs #refreshing to see this being said directly and publicly by someone who works in the industry #and one more note on the bigotry stuff that made me bitter about aztecross and his stupid video the most #aztecross played supported and promoted hogshit legacy. this big 'anti-corpo warrior' #funding one of the biggest bigots in the world who actively works on trying to kill as many people as possible. totally fine i guess #'it's just a video game.' but with bungie it's life and death apparently #it makes me super bitter and suspicious. especially given how many CCs were in on misgendering characters #i dont trust any of these people. they're a business and when the business is bigotry they gladly participate

[zombiejette]

say what you want about Beyoncé….

but Cowboy Carter is a revelation. I cried at least once on every song.

#all the ranges of tears #the full spectrum of human emotion #she put her whole beyussy into it #I love genre-mashing country #and albums made out of spite #feminine rage makes the most beautiful art #god I love women #love being a woman #LOVE the gayness of the Miley track #and that Bey finally leaned into it #no baiting only queer #and the gospel undertones???? #lawd have mercy #beyonce #cowboy carter #dolly parton #miley cyrus #cuntry

[clerichs-xi]

tender as a bruise, sharper than a razor wrap her tentacles around me like she'll never let me go

klaus' backstory arc just ended heho and it was revealed he used to be the lover of the goddess of storms and pirates... she had basically kidnapped him and imprisoned him into murder and piracy for 20 years and needless to say it greatly damaged him on every level <3 its okay he's been able to be normal for once since the start of the campaign thanks to the party aka his new found family

get urself a surrogate middle-aged father who can speedrun a forbidden romance in one minute and then immediately go to confront the darkest version/a corrupted version of himself, as well as his toxic lover as she tortures him -w-)b

details and just the lines hehe

#clerichs.png #my artwork #original character #original art #original illustration #digital art #digital painting #digital illustration #dnd character #oc #oc illustration #im so unnormal about him. #he got hurt soo badly in isolation... thats where all the scars in his ref came from </3 #this portrait is of the one scar his goddess did not give him.... </3 #tfw ur jealous sea goddess lover pits you against other pirates and sea monsters to fight for ur life and test ur devotion #and she promised to love you wholly only for u to realize she doesn't understand or know what love is #and only wanted it bc everyone else who had love seemed so happy and she wanted that too #so after she destroyed everything you loved (literally your entire world) she merely treats u as a possession for 20 years #and you don't know how to ask for love because you don't know how to love either so you resent her and everything and everyone #leading rage to build up within you and you willfully slaughtering so many things because you cant handle your emotions and pain #and after deflating and sinking into apathy a rogue priest manages to break ur exterior and touch you deeply enough to let you love again #and because of him you're able to begin breaking free of everything and you lose everything again but this time #this time you wake up in a crate of fish to outstretched hands and people who love you as family even after learning who you are/were #filling you with strength and willpower even as your goddess lover comes back swearing she loved you and loves you still #and she tortures you and threatens to take everything away again if you don't come back to her but because of your love for everyone #and their love for you youre able to hold fast long enough for them to break you out #his goddess made a copy of him by warping the body and soul of a naive young man in an attempt to replace him and fill the hole in her hear #he had to literally kill the darkest version of himself that hurt everyone and he laid him to rest... catharsis if ive ever seen it #as i said. im so normal about him <3 the guy i project onto the most ever #klaus lierstark

[b4tm4nn]

i hate stardew valley.

#lelly ᯓ★ #i rage quit when i run out of energy #i litchrally made a new farm bc on my old one i felt behind #NOW I FEEL BEHIND ON MY NEW ONE #IM FRRAKING OUT I HATE IT HERE #I lied i actually love it with most of my silly little heart 🫶🏽 #slowly becoming a sdv blog !! #stardew grind #stardew valley #sdv #stardew farmer

[todayisafridaynight]

chewing these until i explode and die

#snap chats #sorry i cant describe things normally im sleepy but anyway #NO they made a tweet showing off all the funeral merch and theres some shit here i didnt see last time #the mine one's a part of. a postcard book ?? i think ?? #this the only one that ate from that ... to me anyway.... #i just really like how they chose a similar shot of him esp with how drastic the lighting differs and the camera angles #not even MENTIONING how the top scene is. from the orphanage bulldozing LMAOOOO #its art to me in ways i refuse to elaborate on ...... ok but the AOKI ONE THO LEMME GET INTO IT #what the fuck is an acrylic block i dont know but anyway .... theyre foul for the shots they chose <- screaming kicking my feet #it makes me want to make a proper gif set of aoki using those shots now .... and a mine set with Those Shots ... #im just sayin they def had a tumblr girlie on the team ... it just reminds me of gif sets on here ... im stealing their ideas idc #aoki's scene with his head held high at presumably the highest point of his life #to contrast how dreary masato's shot is. Shot Lol Get It on the worst night of his life with his dead drooped kmsing right now #AND WHEN THEY BOTH POINT THEIR GUNS AT THE CAMERA... SCREAMS ... #like the other merch didnt Give like these did ok ... is it my bias No Im Totally Objective.. i want these as gif sets .... #i was gonna put nishitani's here too since they ALMOST did something cool too #they had the top of his being when hes sittin in the grand with his arms spread out #and i THOUGHT the bottom one would be when he's Getting Lit Up and his arms were spread but no .. #its that scene but ... they didnt show off that part ... just him looking back at majima ... #love how they chose the most bbg still of aoki dying for the egg merch meanwhile mine's is just. Rage #they cant go with the same wet cat shot of him tho i get it ... they used it twice for merch fjerLKVAKVJE #anyways im typing way too much about these i gotta go BYE

[sotogalmo]

11:33

Woke up a few minutes ago. Was a bit confused on why my Google was on Sonic The Fighters wiki. But then like. Remembered about my sonic.exe OC: Tachyglossidae.(exe).

And all.

#time diary(?) #audrey/kellie's time diary #letting the brain talk #Tachyglossidae.(exe) #i just. rlly want to being something new to the table of EXEs. yk? and well since by. design wise Tachyglossidae is very very different from #most EXEs.. and by i said “disguise”s like. 3-4 times? when having like. just simple drawings of her- #but the most different it can be is just by the fact that im using Sonic The Fighters game as a base for her whole deal #and stuff. but i really like on how Lord X Guardians are yk? gaurdians of specific-ish things. Ken'o being Disgust ; Kofuku's Joy #and tbh my favorite one: Yokubo is desire. also Zetsubo just being his name: Despair. is just. so cool #like. Lord X is not alone. there are others with him. and rhey are all like. guardians of action(Kito: prayer) and feelings(Yokubo/Gekido/ #Zetsubo/Kofuku/Ken'o/Kyofu). and i just. OUGG. thats just so good. having a Lord and then. guardians? thats so good #and well. it kinda just made me think of how im making Tachyglossidae.(exe). yk? I have too many versions of her #that at this point they could also be like the guardians! — but ofc they are just going to be different levels of anger #thats her main thing and kinda. basically why i made her tbh. i was having anger in my mind just so i can get that out of the way #since. she kinda is just gonna be my own manifestations of my own rage/wrath. — but then i have to like. add in #but i still dont rlly know just WHAT exactly i have to do with her to make her very. appealing to others. without saying #that shes my manifastations of.my own feelings. because tbh. i just almost always very lightly project myself onto characters #and just. yeah. but like. i dunno whats NEW and INTERESTING that i can do with her without making her. just a rage filled #being for a reason. we already have that. in like. so many EXE OCs... and mine is just gonna be another one..but OUGH

[archduke-enver-gortash]

extremely cursed thought: gortash’s jealous rage would get triggered not only by zeke forming connections and having sex with shadowheart, minthara, astarion and lae’zel, it’d also be triggered by what kressa did to zeke. 😬😬😬

#yeah. i’d say out of all of them shadowheart astarion and kressa’s deals made him the most angry #shadowheart because zeke loves her #astarion because he took zeke’s virginity and is his best friend #and kressa because. y’know. it’s not the sex specifically that gort’s jealous of #zeke’s flesh (just like his mind and soul) are simply his to conquer #but again gort does not get mad at anyone but zeke for this. he’s the one who’s ‘malfunctioning’ #anyways. he’d probably try to temper his rage by being like ‘i stuck my hand in his ribcage and took out his heart first 😤’ #‘i vivisected him before her 😤’ #LOL kressa looking at zeke’s heart seeing #‘E.G.’ engraved in there #‘wtf were these two doing’ #enver gortash #bg3 #gortash & zeke

[seventh-district]

.

#it is 5 hrs past my bedtime and i am awake listening to Two Hearts by Dermot Kennedy on loop and crying over Rotating Shifts. again. #i couldn’t resist the urge to read the latest chapter any longer but i knew when i did i’d get like this #so Why did i wait for my period to roll around. i have made. a silly decision lmaooo #i’ve complained abt it before but i’m conflicted about how much more sensitive it makes me #my nightmares usually don’t make me cry but oh i was a Wreck this morning #so why i picked tonight to read the fic that always makes me cry is beyond me #i have never met a fic before that had me in such an intense emotional grip #and it’s fucking hilarious bc it’s not that intense of a story!! like yeah there’s been devastating parts but i’m out here having to- #-take a break every single chapter bc i’ll read one line that hits my inner child like a truck and i have to take a minute to recover #but the whiplash this fic gives me is so fucking funny and the range in the storytelling from comedy to tragedy is just.. *scream-cries* #it has my favorite characterization of Sun and Moon that i have ever seen #this chapter wasn’t even that sad i’m just Making myself sad about it #but on another level it also makes me sad in the sense that i don’t think i’ll ever be able to write something that good.. #all that i want out of my writing endeavors is to make one (1) person feel as strongly and as much as RS makes me feel #and i don’t know if i can do that. i don’t know if my writing has what it takes bc i can’t even describe exactly what it is #i don’t think it’s a science that can be replicated. things either connect with someone or they don’t #the way Sun goes from worryingly innocent ‘wdym we can’t invite strangers to live with us?’ ‘wdym we can’t adopt an adult that needs help?’ #to fucking. tearing an animatronic in half in a fit of protective rage and blocking access to all dating apps to prevent you from- #-finding anyone else bc he’s your Special Friend and he can’t have his Daydream falling for anyone else!! no no!! #it’s not a new concept but i eat it tf up when Sun is actually the one you should fear the most #like no i don’t think he’d hurt Reader but i dread to think of the things he would do For them #the back and forth between childlike innocence and terrifying intelligence possessiveness and physical capability is just mmmmm 100/10 #and don’t even get me started on Moon. or i Will start crying again #he’s ​like yeah dumbass of course i’m gonna save you every time some POS man tries to **** you. of course i will you fucking crater-head #but i will complain at you about it the Entire way home and then i will steal your fucking toilet paper and pack you a raw egg for lunch #because i hate you 🖤 but Sun loves you and we would both kill for you 🖤 also i drank all of your chocolate milk 🖤 also i hate you :) #anyways i am paraphrasing obviously and dear god i hope no one who actually reads RS sees this bc i do not want my 2am ramblings taken as- #-any kind of Official Thoughtful Analysis of the story ok pls pls pls let me be insane abt my favorite fic without having to be articulate #i just have so many fucking FEELINGS about them. i am unwell. #i’m not even tagging this i’m just hitting post and going to sleep goodnight

[bingobongobonko]

TAKEN SALVATION

#experiencing thoughts abt yves and telly's fight alright... #sighes.. #bingo art #yves #lancer rpg #you may be asking. why are they fighting.... simple #they are both stupid as hell #(endearingly) #violence cw #blood #but yeah no in actuality. yves feels like telly took his martyrdom and a chance of salvation by saving his life #(even though yves was very afraid of the prospect of death and realized it wasnt HIS own desire to die) #but still hes so upset with telly they kinda just fought it out #and by fought it out i mean yves gave telly a smackdown #telly's a decent guy he just doesnt know when to not press ppls buttons #cuz he immediately implied a threat towards elias and thats what made yves just say fuck you and tackle the guy #alongside the martyr thing but thats where most of the rage towards telly is coming from #they just really dont get along. its very antagonistic towards each other. telly tried at some point but theres a huge disconnect #between the two #they dont get each other and they never will yk #yves is a powerhungry assholr and telly is an indecisive asshole

[bluecookiesabi]

If I go to jail for murder, let it be known that the customers deserved it

#cookie talks #said probably the most rage-filled 'i hope you have a wonderful day' in my LIFE #something wasn't rang in on their order and they did NOT like the fact that i asked for them to pay for it #like sorry i wasn't giving you 8 dollars worth of food for free #this was a 'whoops we didn't get that rang in' mess up. not a 'we made your food items wrong and it needs corrected' mess up #they ended up getting a refund and spent the entire time cussing and insulting me and the crew #they also low-key threatened me when i expressed visible frustration and asked them to please stop cussing me out #i was so close to punching a MOTHERFUCKER

[doctor-says-im-alright]

Ive been wondering lately if I really do have bipolar with psychotic features or if I have schizoaffective. Idk why the idea of bipolar though is so offensive to me lol. I think its because I never really feel grandiose and thats just an unfair part of the bargain.

The main difference I found is psychosis symptoms outside of mood episodes. Ive been trying to figure that out, but as my moods are really long, Im not sure. I was thinking maybe that is true because this year I seem to launch into paranoia in a single afternoon instead of over months. But thats associated with a stressed mood, not anything neutral? Idk. My paranoia is generally after Ive become fully stressed, but honestly, it is possible I have delusions constantly. How do you even know? I know I have OCD but I am so fixated on death that it might be more delusional than just OCD - like I do have rituals but its mainly just stressful thoughts that Im being haunted and the proof was a dead bug.

But the past week I noticed I shifted into a different phase. Im suddenly energetic or agitated. Like laughing hysterically, talking a lot, becoming really upset or angry, sad, overwhelmed, and constantly unreasonably scared. Everything is a threat. I seem to be really focused on fires happening for some reason. I am sleeping way more than normal, actually my sleep is suddenly really stressful. I dont go to sleep unless I take meds but thats normal for me, but now I cant get up. Ill wake up and its like Im magnetised to the bed and am stuck for awhile until I actually wake up. I sleep 12-14 hours but when I look at my Fitbit data its somehow only 5-6 hours in that time Im asleep. I know it, too. Its like Im not asleep and am in my room but dreaming in it. I didnt even realize I was so upset about this until I saw a post by someone talking about training their service dog to wake them up properly and asking how to do it and I could cry with the relief if I could figure out something mine could do to help me with it.

I generally always get told Im too self aware to have any psychosis issues and I think Im good at sounding self aware but Im actually not at all. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling, Im guessing based on any knee jerk things that may have come out. Like last year I was in the psych ward for paranoia, but I hadnt even noticed or was able to communicate, but can see it now, that I was actually in danger of attacking people because I believed they were going to kill me first, and that had been my motivation to go in. And it wasnt even the person I said I was paranoid of.

I cant even figure out if my hand hurts or not. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling. I know Im jumpy and on level 100 of agitation. I just suddenly start crying, Im overwhelmed with proofs of life and death. If someone tells me a joke I literally cry laughing. My words are mixing up and I feel like I cant say anything. I read things Ive written and even Im like what?? What does that even say. I know I am having PTSD symptoms - thats a given with me. I know for months Ive been hyperfocused on it, its been a source of anger outbursts.

Like for some reason the thought of romance or sex or any relationship sends me into a flying rage. My dog licking my other dog disturbs me so deeply I immediately lose it and have to run outside or throw something. People talking about love and needing people makes me feel so revolted. Ive been half dating someone and they mentioned kissing and Im ready to set myself and everyone else on fire. I cant stand the thought of desire and needing someone and craving them it is disturbing and I want to be sick thinking about it. But Im not normally like this at all. Not at all.

I am asexual and aromantic and my friend keeps making sex jokes and referencing my being asexual and I swear to god Im going to throw up on him or hit him with a wooden spoon. Havent decided yet.

#does anyone else get disturbed by proofs of life #i made a list recently #mainly food bothers me the most #like people being hungry or eating just sparks deep fear in me because that proves they are alive and its a risk #its the strangest thing #because it can also completely snap me out of a rage episode #like if im mad at someone and I see them #pouring a glass of water #then i am suddenly desperately sad and scared instead of angry #how can you hate someone who is pouring a glass of water #half eaten food in the fridge is one of the most disturbing to me #but also the back of the head is a proof of life and terrible

[talentforlying]

tommy: john? constantine: mm? tommy: he had your laugh.

the way this almost made me cry just now, like!! the family man looking like john's father (who john resembles) and reminding john of himself, the demon constantine being his own double, the tulpa of the happiest possible version of himself who still turned out to be a raging monster — his scariest enemies keep ending up being versions of him.

his greatest fear is becoming a monster and he keeps coming up against that fear again and again and again. no wonder he avoids his own eyes when he looks in the mirror.

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #there's that one new 52 comic where he met an alternate version of himself who was practically the golden boy w/o the og connotations #a version of himself who lived his life beautifully. whose mother lived. whose father was kind. who was still with kit ryan. #and he killed that version of himself in order to return to his own universe #and i can't help but wonder if he would have killed his alternate self anyway. even if it Wasn't necessary to his survival #because as spurrier's run has shown: even the happiest version of himself is a bastard beyond redemption #and that is all john will ever see in himself. someone who blights existence by his very breath #he'll never fully recognize that it is the mistakes he's made in this life that have shaped him into the best possible version of him #warts and all. failures and all. rage and grief and loss and unhealthy coping mechanisms and all. #he'll never understand that his most feared enemies look like him bc they TERRIFY him. not because they're INEVITABLE #he would do ANYTHING to avoid becoming like the family man. like the tulpa. Any. Fucking. Thing. #splits me down the fucking middle knowing he can't see that in himself #anyway it's FINE i'm FINE #( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN. #( headcanons. ) I'M JUST LIKE THE BASTARDS I'VE HATED ALL ME LIFE.

[amethyst-halo]

i said this morning i wasn't as mad abt shadow but. i am like trying not to think abt it bc it just. genuinely i fucking hate it

#asc shadow #asc spoilers #warrior cats spoilers #wc spoilers #sketch speaks #yknow what wouldve made more sense to me? sunbeam swearing off of love entirely. shutting off that part of her relationships. #just going ''fuck this actually'' and distancing herself from everyone #bc- i havent read it myself yet but- at NO POINT has she EVER given me the impression that she is In Love with nightheart #i think she likes the idea that he loves her i don't think it went any further than that #so YEAH i think she should be hurt and mad about him dipping out on her but i DONT think it makes sense for her to fucking FOLLOW HIM #ALSO NIGHTHEART HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT CREEPY TOWARDS HER IMO SO THIS IS JUST RED FLAG NIGHTMARE #it is not cute they've known each other for like. a month at most #im sorry but even irl you should not marry someone you've known for a month tops #It's Weird and i Don't Like It #i straight up don't want to read any more of asc #i'm not mad abt anyone liking how this is going or anything this rage is pointed solely at the erins #if u like it u do u but i have my own opinions on this