#i mean she was also like you need a protein and a veggie but the important part is i get hushpuppies and i get introduce my uncle to

[moregraceful]

I led a meeting today and I started it off with "I am very nervous please be patient with me" and everyone was so gracious and laughed it off but THEN afterwards three people stayed behind to tell me what a good job I did and they appreciated my kindness and compassion while leading. I am getting a good grade in leading meetings, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve (apparently).

I made my box of treats for the mail carriers a couple weeks back after a game:

And they have been taking treats!!! They like the Pepperidge Farms cookies and the Gatorade best. If someone took all the cookies, the others will take Chewy bars s'mores flavor. We almost ran out of Gatorade this week so I bought orange Gatorade and they like that much better than blue Gatorade. I tried to get a variety of snacks that included gluten free and protein but these dudes just want chessman haha. It's funny finding out people's tastes in food this way. I realize this entire thing is absolutely WASPy suburban Facebook mom coded of me but they do seem to enjoy it and it's always nice to do something for the brave men and women in blue (the US postal service). I think I might continue after the holidays or at least make sure there is water and Gatorade out everyday. My parents have been putting out fruit from our trees too. We had fuyu persimmons a couple weeks ago but they just put out a whole bunch of tangerines, which are probably easier to manage as a mail carrier haha.

December is turning out okay. Winter is full of horrors and familial minefields and many things both in the world and in my life are bad but there always nice things too!!

#unfortunately while walking the dog i realized that if i do TOO good a job at leading meetings they might make me MC the all staff meeting #fear. #but i think they're looking for someone calm to lead the all-staff bc the last one was so bad someone got put on administrative leave #AND it's my birthday next monday and my mom asked what i wanted and i said hushpuppies and she was like oh hell yeah #i mean she was also like you need a protein and a veggie but the important part is i get hushpuppies and i get introduce my uncle to #hushpuppies AND my mom is thrilled at the idea of making a proper southern dinner #life could be and has been worse. maybe this month we go out strong to make up for the rest of the year #fresno oilers.txt

[blond-b]

TW: €D

My new rules for myself

Try not to eat high cal foods unless it’s in front of someone else (you need to keep others thinking that you DO eat normal, but you don’t have to eat more than it takes to convince others)

No more than ONE sweet a day (you are a fat ass, and you will binge a whole tray of brownies if your not careful. Never eat more than ONE)

No excuses about exercising (aw, your a little sore? Get over it. Do at least 5 miles, unless your in extreme pain, or physically can not exercise, there is no excuse.)

Do more than cardio. (You KNOW that muscle burns more calories than fat, you also know that your tummy looks frumpy even if your skinny… unless you tone it up. Don’t be lazy, you have no excuses. Do your workouts)

Always be moving (sitting down? Wiggle your toes or bounce your feet. Laying in bed? Do leg raises, or side leg raises, and move your arms some. Standing in line? Shift weight from one leg to another. Even small movements burn more cal than if you weren’t doing them.)

Only binge on foods that don’t matter (your high and wanna binge? Okay, eat watermelon, have an ice pop, have some broccoli, or strawberries. NO JUNK, save your junk food for your sober mind to decide on)

Stay active on rest days (you get one day a week to not exercise, that however does NOT mean be lazy. Instead, clean your room, play with your dog, go swimming, clean the kitchen, do anything to get some passive movements in. Your resting your exercises muscles today, NOT your whole body.)

No lying to yourself. (You binged? You went over on cals? Ate too much of a cal dense food? LOG IT. Telling yourself “I know I messed up, I don’t need to log it to know it” has to stop. You need to be honest with your future self, she’ll ask “why didn’t I lose any weight this week??” And she deserves to look back and see why. That and lying to your app just sets yourself for failure. You won’t know how much to restrict to make it up.)

Fruit/veggie fast the day after a high cal day. (You fucked up. Get over it, and fix it. Only eat low cal fruits and vegetables the next day, you’ll feel full but still be in a cal deficit. You may be starving, but you don’t need to feel it.)

Rules I’ll be implementing when school (college) starts back up

At least one day a week, eat less than 500 cal.

Meal prep low cal high nutrient foods. (You need protein, you DONT need extra calories. Boil some chicken, shred it, add some low cal seasoning. Do NOT add unnecessary things like oils, mayo, ranch, cream cheese NO. You want the protein that why you eat. Not for enjoyment)

You have a free gym membership, use it. (Oh, it’s ‘embarrassing’ working out in front of others? Get tf over it. You need to use the treadmill, and the stair master can burn EVEN MORE. Get over yourself and do it)

Bad weather isn’t an excuse. (It’s snowing? Tuff luck. Walk your ass to the gym and go on the treadmill. Its raining? Same thing, walk your ass to the gym and work out. Excuses build fat.)

Eat within your calorie deficit every day. (you have roommates? Worried the will notice how little you eat? Say you eat breakfast in your room, they don’t know what you keep there. They start acting worried? Wake up before them, say you ate. Get home after them, say you ate out. Lie.)

Rules for once I hit my UGW (125lbs)

Don’t stop. (So, your skinny now? So what. You can still look better. You can still lose fat. It’s time to focus on BUILDING muscle. Of course, not too much you don’t want to look like a man, but enough that you could be a swimsuit model.)

Track with Pictures more than anything (the plan is to build some muscle while cutting fat still now, yeah? So the number on the scale won’t be a completely accurate reflection of your efforts anymore {this does not mean stop weighing yourself}. You can look skinnier and weigh more with muscle, and we care about LOOKS not numbers)

Don’t let the doc.’s know. (This is where building muscle can come in handy. You don’t want to be stopped, so weigh a “healthy” weight, but let that “healthy” weight come from muscle, not fat. They never have to know.)

Don’t get bulky. (Yes, we’ve now switched mindsets from LOSING weight to GAINING muscle. That does not mean get bulky. Your goal is to look like a activewear model. Toned, fit, strong, but still dainty.)

Don’t stop cardio. (Cardio is what will KEEP you lean. Adding strength training does not allow you to cut out cardio. Remember, we NEVER want to look bulky.)

#weightloss #pro for only myself #pro #pro for me #tw ed rant #tw edd #calories #tw disordered eating #i want to be weightless #tw ana diary #🕯️as a 🪶 #pro annnnna #prøana

[disneyprincemuke]

hello tag the others when you see i’m like on my way to school i have three minutes to finish this

this is what i grew up being told is “healthy”. so you need mostly veggies, then carbs then proteins. having too much of one can make you get sick, having too little of one can also get you sick. you need to eat everything in moderation. so localwhoore can drink all the oj she wants so long as she keeps eating healthy foods from all those tiers. also, if lea is making her own smoothies then that’s a whole lot healthier because her ingredients come from natural, not processed, fruits

OMG NOT THIS HEALTHY EATING PYRAMID NONSENSE THIS MF GRAPHIC HAUNTED ME ALL THROUGHOUT PRIMARY SCHOOL LMFAOOOOOOO (here’s a clearer pic btw for some rzn, the one u sent in is kinda blurry for me) @localwhoore @vroomvroomcircuit

but tbh, yes, i totes get what u mean… just have it in moderations, that’s all, cause some fruits generally do have high high sugar levels so u have to balance it out with water or something else

#disneyprincemuke asks #dpm x foreveralbon

[wannaeatramyeon]

Welp that was a failed ask on the thicc y/n, soooo.

What is the favorite instant noodles of every character (like Goo favorite is instant Yakisoba with Korean BBQ)

Hi anon! I'm so sorry I did have a think and I literally googled what ara ara means and I still don't know.

Oh my, this is specific though. I can't believe reading Lookism led me to researching ramen.

Before we jump into this.. erm why TF does Crystal need to calorie count and restrict for her second body but Daniel can eat whatever he wants with his second body and it stays the same!!

Lookism Fave... Ramen

Daniel: something like shin noodles with eggs. It reminds him of his momma cooking for him.

Jay: I know it's super popular in South Korea... But instant ramen? Sorry what's that? I always gets mine freshly prepared. But Daniel what instant ramen are you eating? Can I take a bite? (Waits for Daniel to feed him)

Zack: something with stronger flavours like cheese so he can mix in protein powder and it'll help to mask it. Man that sounds gross.

Vasco: this guy has the vibes of trying to cook and burning the house down so something as easy as possible. Instant tteokbokki in a cup.

Brekdak introduces him to some Thai flavours though, and he enjoys Tom Yum.

Johan: beggars can't be choosers. Whatever is on clearance

Crystal: The ottogi low calorie ramen for second body, full army stew in her original body

Mira: not really instant but she loves rose noodles

Zoe: one of those fancier nissin tonkotsu noodles type (piggy ♥️... Wait)

Vin Jin: he tells everyone that it's the 3x buldak noodle.. "yeah I like them... Bit bland though". This is a lie. He can't take heat at all

Mary Kim: legit the 3x buldak noodle with extra chillies on top

Jake: he hates noodles. He doesn't eat them all the time because he likes them, it's cheap and hits his calorie needs so it means more money for Big Deal. Bibimmen/cold noodles if he really has to pick though (cos the man's too hooooot ba-dum-tss)

Jerry: can't take spice at all either. Something like teriyaki soba with some fried eggs

Sinu: jjajangmyeon! With extra pickled radish

Samuel: also jjajangmyeon but he'll only eat it when he's feeling extra nostalgic and willing to open those floodgates

Gun: the fancy Japanese ones that are developed by Michelin star chefs - Nakiryu Dan Dan

Goo: keeping the instant yakisoba with Korean BBQ, this guy is obnoxious as fuck though. Yeah you're supposed to slurp your noodles, but he is the loudest messiest guy ever. Noodles flicking everywhere, soup or sauce getting all over his glasses and anyone within splattering range (Gun. It's always Gun)

Eugene: kimchi shin. He gives me huge kimchi vibes, not sure why. Eats more ramen than you'd expect with his crazy busy work

Eli: he didn't used to like these as much but something like instant tempura udon, non spicy cos Yenna would always want a bite. Otherwise he prefers to make a proper japchae so she will eat her veggies

DG: sorry but this man is soggy no flavoured noodles in room temperature water to me ☠️

#lookism #lookism headcanons #lookism hc #gun park #jake kim #johan seong #zack lee #daniel park #jay hong #samuel seo #sinu han #vasco #crystal choi #zoe park #mira kim #goo kim #vin jin #mary kim #lookism fanfics #wannaeatramyeon

[thornychairman]

Analysis of @aetherceuse/Lusamine's dietary restrictions + suggested meal plan

Okay since I have actual experience concerning meal plans and special dietary needs and Lusamine here basically has unlimited resources, it's actually rather easy to make meals for Lusamine. A lot of you will look at this list and think either an ED or be all this is really difficult, but honestly it's actually very easy to cook for Lusamine once you eliminate what she won't have.

The no meat rule is easy; it rules out one food type but we can easily get protein from mother sources. So this means her diet will be primarily plant based. Not hard, vegans exist after all!

No alcohol just means it's been eliminated as a drink, but if it's used as a cooking element it will get rid of the one thing she takes issue with -- getting her drunk. When cooked or baked into something, the distinct taste will remain, but the actual mind altering content will have been cooked out! So Lusamine can still have a nice red wine, just not as a drink. It can most likely be used to help flavor something as part of a stew -- she's Kalosian after all, so while as an adult she would refuse meat and alcohol, she would have had tasted some Kalosian stews before.

Nothing overly sweet? That does not eliminate sweet things entirely. Honestly as a patisserie, I do hate the factory made sweets sometimes because the amount of sugar in them can hurt your mouth on first bite a lot of the time, cavities or not. It's like an unpleasant electric shock. But anyways this means she CAN have something sweet, it just needs to be more mellow. Subtle. Also just because on kind of flavor is taken off the table, it doesn't mean the others are. People!!!! Look!!! There are spicy flavors. Sour flavors. Bitter foods. Savory!!! Good umami!!! If you concentrate too much on what flavor she doesn't like you are ignoring the fact she CAN eat others.

Shelf stable foods, canned goods and frozen foods means she doesn't like processed foods, which is fair! While it's not financially stable to not buy foods like these as the main stays of our grocery list, for a woman like Lusamine she can afford getting things fresh or have it freshly made, especially since she has a hired chef to do all the cooking. And if you say she can't have peanut butter or jam, I will tell you now, fresh nut butters and jams/jellies are great. They're a pain to make and you gotta eat it all quick but if have hired someone to do all the prep work well she can still enjoy them! Not that she would it may be too pedestrian for her anyways, but artisanal versions of certain shelf foods are not entirely out of the question for her. And before any of you ask, pectin and agar agar exist as plant based gelatins so she can totally have jam or 'jell-o' if she wanted (probably not unless it was very bougie). This ties into the no preservatives or dyes kind of thing. Basically no processed foods in general. We going with a farm to table kind of gal. She probably has her own farm/direct source, especially if you factor in how this woman is worried someone would try to poison her. She'd control all factors and have her food grown to her specifications. Probably bioengineered fruits and veggies for optimal nutrition.

No black tea or coffee? That's fine! Everyone can have drink preferences (see the no alcohol either portion). And anyways, caffeine not only if addictive and can give you heart problems if you drink too much, did you know it's a diuretic? That stuff makes you pee. Like...a lot. And as a busy, busy woman she'd probably want to keep the bathroom breaks to a minimum. This links to the no caffeine rule. This rules out energy drinks but that stuff is so chemical nobody should drink those.

And we get to the no oily foods, which to me means no fries foods. However this leaves out other methods such as roasting, saute, stir fry (small amount of oil just so nothing sticks) boiling and stewing! Also steaming and a variety of other methods. Honestly, people should be avoiding too much fried food, it's nice as a treat, but you shouldn't be balling at someone else not eating fried food or any food that has too much oil. Most likely things like curry would be out, unless it's Japanese curry, as I know some styles of curry give you some pretty oily results.

So now that I have analyzed Lusamine's restrictions, here's a sample meal plan she might have during an average day. :)))

LUSAMINE'S MEAL PLAN

BREAKFAST

Vegan eggs, sunny side up; vegan honeyed ham; baguette slices with fresh made rawst berry jam; one serving of fresh fruit. Water as a drink and palette cleanser.

Vegan eggs are made from mung bean protein (white yolk) and yellow tomatoes (yellow yolk). The yolks can be prepared in advance and kept in the fridge before they are needed so prepping them is needed every day. An example of an egg yolk recipe: [HERE]

Vegan ham is made from tofu and wheat gluten. The honey glaze can be actual honey if Lusamine will allow it or a honey-alternative, such as maple syrup. Otherwise, the ham itself can be just made to be a savory flavor, instead. Example of vegan ham recipe: [HERE]

Baguette by default has no elements that need to be changed as traditional French baguette does not need anything besides basic ingredients. However, sugar needed for yeast to rise is exchanged with honey. Here an example baguette recipe: [HERE]

Jam from stores is full of refined sugar and other nasty chemical ingredients. So something fresher is a must! It can be kept well in the fridge when sealed, so preparing it once every few days depending on the initial amount made is only needed. An example recipe for jam: [HERE]

One portion of fruit can be anything, but considering the sweet (but not too sweet) contents earlier, it'd be best to balance it all out with some refreshing and sour, like sitrus berry.

LUNCH

Soy sauce tofu-veggie stir fry; one serving of brown rice; one glass of fresh juice with a little bit of carbonated water.

The stir fry meets the requirements of protein and vegetables with minerals and fiber with something flavorful; this can be adjusted to make it a bit spicy as well for something with the occasional kick. Example of recipe: [HERE]

Brown rice is healthier than white rice, giving it a bit more fiber and giving Lusamine a needed portion of carbohydrates.

Due to not liking things that are too sweet, but making it watered down alone is just boring, a bit of carbonated water can make any juice more interesting! 2 parts juice to 1 part carbonated water is the recipe you're looking for! Perrier works best for this.

DINNER

Vegan spaghetti with marinara and chickpea meatballs; water or juice with carbonated water as a drink depending on Lusamine's taste for the day.

The spaghetti noodles! This is where the carbs come in for the evening meal. They can be made without eggs if you want to keep going vegan. Here is a recipe for them: [HERE]

A classic marinara is needed for this meal and can satisfy some need for vegetables and fruit, but you can turn it into a vegetable sauce by adding small chopped veggies such as carrots, celery, mushrooms for added flavour and fiber! Here is a recipe for a classic marinara that you can add to as needed: [HERE] In Lusamine's case, the can of tomatoes would be replaced with fresh tomatoes.

Chickpeas are a great source of plant based protein! In order to fulfill this classic meal, this is the best way to have non-meat meatballs! Recipe for them is [HERE].

If Lusamine decides on a carbonated drink, remember to go for the 2:1 ratio!

DESSERT

II Lusamine deigns to have a dessert or serve up a dessert that she is able to partake in, this is the best one, especially considering the heated climate of Alola: TOFU ICE CREAM! The taste is subtler, not as sweet as it can be adjusted according to the natural sweetness of the fruits used. Of course, instead of refined sugars it would be natural sugars used to sweeten the recipe. Here is a recipe for six different flavours: [HERE]

#consider this a late birthday gift Rex #a very invested analysis of your kmuse's eating habits lol #aetherceuse #I don't know if lusamine would actually eat these #it's a guess #but I included recipes in case you or anyone seeing this would like to try #please enjoy

[putuponpercy]

Am I alright to ask for a full list of food/cravings HC's for the characters?

It seemed like it'd be a really fun ask!

-

Does anyone have allergies?

Who hates Marmite?

Is anyone vegetarian?

Anything food related!

-

Love your art and little HC's!

Your little comic was all kinds of "Awwwww!"

First off - thank you so much ;u; your kind words really mean a lot!! 💖 Secondly, my goodness you were right this was such a fun ask to write for - it really got me stuck in and thinking about how different the characters eating habits are. I’ve only listed No.1 through 12 plus Diesel as I feel I haven’t had the chance to flesh out a lot of other characters as of yet 🙏

Thomas: A human hoover, will consume pretty much anything put on a plate in front of him. Has given himself food poisoning from his own cooking on multiple occasions, probably from the medium-rare chicken he specialises in. Not a big fan of tea.

Edward: Has a strong sweet tooth. His lunchbox probably contains more dessert than dinner. Snacks on some of those little wrapped hard-boiled sweets he keeps in his breast pocket - which he’ll sometimes give out to Bill and Ben if they actually behave.

Henry: Henry still struggles to maintain a healthy relationship with food after his time being so unwell and may need a gentle reminder to have something to eat during the day. Sometimes makes mac and cheese at 3am. Probably one of the few to admit that they enjoy fish. Is also allergic to peanuts. 

Gordon: Big lover of meats and protein. Typically has around 12 toppings on his sandwiches. Willingly starts arguments over which is the superior flavour of crisps - favours salt & vinegar. Probably the marmite enthusiast of the Tidmouth lot. 

James: Claims he can handle spicy foods but absolutely cannot. Tuna sandwiches are his guilty pleasure that not a single soul must ever learn about. Keeps a pack of polo mints on hand to hide the fish smell from his breath.

Percy: A coffee addict, prefers bitter tasting things. Not a fan of sweet foods at all such as chocolate, jam, honey etc. Lactose intolerant but that doesn’t usually stop him from enjoying pizza night with Thomas. 

Toby: Strikes me as the type of person who will eat the same meal for tea every single day for several weeks. He always insists on helping Henrietta cook in the kitchen. (Bonus I found this video shortly after writing that and it is absolutely them)

Duck: Dislikes eggs. Goes full-on with the roast dinners every Sunday, usually makes enough to feed the entire Little Western fleet and then some. Makes the best yorkshire puds.

Donald & Douglas: One prefers savoury, the other prefers sweet. People often have a hard time remembering who prefers which. Both are hearty drinkers and can pretty much always be found in the pub after work.

Oliver: Would probably eat around 10 packets of noodles in a day if given the chance.

Emily: The only one who seems to remotely care about her physical health and what sort of food she consumes. Mostly sticks to a plant based diet. Big lover of tea. Also Irn Bru - she has a secret stash of the stuff.

Diesel: Likes fast food or anything greasy. Not a fruit or veggie lover. Has probably deprived his body of water for some time. Similar to Henry, will make cheese on toast at around 3am for no reason other than he wanted cheese on toast.

#askbox #ttte #ttte humanized #thomas is also the type of person who willingly licked coal to see if it was any good #spoiler alert #it wasn't #pup's headcanons #TJP AU

[simonalkenmayer]

Hello Simon, how are you? Hope you are doing well. I wanted to ask you something because just minutes ago I learned a new word (English is not my first language) and like it's a food related thing I thought that asking you was the best. The word is: Tartare.

I googled it and with surprise I found out is something I always wanted to eat. You see, when I was little my mom used to cook hamburgers with some veggies and seasoning because I had problems with eating properly (she would draw kittens and puppies in the hamburger with mayo and ketchup) but I always helped in the process, so at some point there was the raw meat with little onions and other veggies and seasoning and egg, and my job was to make meat balls and finally pressing them... BUT my favorite part was... I could later taste and eat the raw preparation from my fingers or the little bits that stayed in the bowl.. and I always wondered WHY I couldn't eat the hamburgers raw because they tasted better. My mom always told me that I could get sick, that you just don't eat raw meat, it's dangerous. Of course I never questioned that and nothing ever told me otherwise.

But now I learned that tartare is actually a Dish, and very similar to what I ate back then.

My question is, because you mentioned you prepared it, how can I prepare that dish and make it safe? I know you probably don't need it so meticulously prepared because your digestive system is different and stronger, but maybe you know how to make it safe for humans? The google results says that is safe if you know that the restaurant or the butcher are good, but it doesn't say how to do it yourself or what I need to see to know is safe.

My country and city is small so most of our food is fresh and organic, but for that same reason I'm not sure how hygienic is most of the meat to consider it safe to eat it raw.

Do you have any tips and maybe a recipe for tartare, and precautions?

Thank you for your time c:

The reason you cannot eat ground hamburger raw is because the surface area has been increased by the grinding process. Bacteria can only live on the surface until it works its way through over long periods of time, but when you grind the meat up you put the bacteria in the meat so that now I can propagate. Therefore hamburger meat usually has to be cooked quite well to be safe. However there are ways to ensure that you get good meat prepared cleanly, so as to try this process.

The fresher the better. Best to also buy whole and then grind yourself, but if not possible, buy meat ground that day at the butcher counter. Kosher beef is also often better for this, because of the way that kosher beef is prepared. Grass fed also better.

Insofar as preparation is concerned: colder is always better, so keep the meat as cold as possible when not eating. The trick to this is creating an environment that makes it impossible for bacteria to grow inside the ground meat. This is true of all cooking, but the most common method of preventing bacterial propagation is to cook it, and burn off any bacteria, but because we aren’t cooking the meat, there are only a couple of ways to do this.

Salt, acid, or sugar.

Any one of these in high enough concentrations Will denature the proteins in the bacteria and kill them.

Most Tartar recipes require a high acid contant dressing. Usually citrus based. also salt.

Follow a recipe closely, make sure you have enough crackers, and enjoy! And believe it or not, many people report having a difficulty processing cooked meat. it just means that your body is inefficient at reassembling the proteins into the proper shape in order to make use of them.

I’d love to see your results!

Also, this process can be done with fish too, and is usually called “ceviche”. Just be sure to procure fish that is not bottom dwelling, has history of parasites, usually a white fish is best.

[nancypullen]

I Lied.

I didn’t mean to, and you’d think that after blogging here for sixteen years I’d know better than to say “back tomorrow!”.  That’s just asking for life to get in the way of what you’d rather be doing, right?  So life got busy, but in good ways, and now I’m back a couple days later than promised.  Oops. Since the last post we’ve celebrated Father’s Day and this guy was king for a day.

I thanked him for the two babies that look just like him and we all pitched in and gave him a kayak.  He enjoys drifting down questionable waterways (think bugs and snakes) and took it out that very afternoon.

There has been no word on the Federalsburg python, so I request proof of life photos when he’s out.  The spots where he’s paddling look like python paradise.  No thank you.

The night before Father’s Day we’d gathered to celebrate with the Edgewater gang.  I have to say that Tyler is the finest father I’ve ever seen.  Patient, kind, fun, devoted -  he’s the daddy that every little girl deserves.  I think our Little Miss knows that she’s got the best daddy in the world.  She brought this home from school.

Okay, okay, before I get too emotional, let’s move on.  I thought it was funny when I asked Mickey what he’d like for a special meal on Sunday. He started pondering, then he asked for beef bulgogi with (insert dreamy look and emphasis) “real rice”.  Poor guy, I use cauliflower rice in our taco bowls, our lettuce wraps, pretty much anything that involves rice.  I strive to make our meals mostly veggie, with lean proteins.  I’m trying to keep him alive and he’s dreaming of “real rice”.  I laughed and promised him whatever he wanted.  He eventually decided he’d rather have steaks on the grill, a baked potato, and some roasted green beans.  Talk about a man’s meal! We rarely eat red meat so I figured one day wouldn’t kill him.  I even baked an angel food cake and sliced up some enormous fresh strawberries to top it.  By sundown I felt like I never wanted to eat again. BUT...the blog post that I promised a few days ago was about recipes, so here we go. It’s summer and no one wants to spend a ton of time in the kitchen. Both of these recipes are a one pan, thirty minutes (ish) meal. They both offer big flavor and minimal clean up. What more do you want?  Sadly, I failed to take a decent amount of pics while preparing these, so you may have to use your imagination a bit.  I normally like to show the process, but since these are quick and easy - no harm done, right?

First, Sheet Pan Chicken Fajitas. This honestly couldn’t be easier.

Preheat your oven to 425 and grab some bright peppers and an onion.  I used a red, a yellow, and an orange pepper, and I had a Vidalia onion handy. Slice those up.

Next you’ll need about 1.5 pounds of chicken.  I used chicken breast.  Slice that up as well. Now you could just toss all of this onto the sheet pan, but I put my chicken in a bowl and mixed it with 3 tablespoons of taco seasoning (that’s equal to one packet).

Coat it really well, you want that flavor!  Now spread your sliced veggies on the sheet pan (if you’re not using parchment paper or a silicone mat, lightly oil that sheet pan!) and throw your chicken right on top.

At this point I sprinkled more taco seasoning on the whole thing.  I also added some minced garlic.  I just use the stuff in a jar, I’d say I used the equivalent to two cloves. That’s it. Pop that into your hot oven for 15-20 minutes.  While it’s cooking wrap some flour tortillas (you didn’t think I was going to make tortillas, did you??) in foil and slide them into the oven for the last five minutes of your cooking time. EASY PEASEY. When you remove your yummy fajita filling from the oven you could squirt it with lime juice and sprinkle chopped cilantro over it (I didn’t have limes or cilantro handy, but I will the next time!)  It really is the perfect finish.  Fill your tortillas, top them with whatever you like - sour cream, cheese, pico de gallo, etc.  Do it your way.  Any way you tweak it, you’re still out of the kitchen in a half hour.   Next, we have Eggroll In a Bowl.  I’d seen this recipe all over Pinterest on Keto boards, Weight Watchers boards, and Quick & Easy boards.  Those are all tempting to me. It’s basically eggroll filling without the crisp and tasty wrapper.  I looked at several versions and then took an inventory of what I had on hand, and did it the easy way.  I’m a fan of easy.  For example, if a recipe calls for grated ginger, I have a tube of ginger paste in the frig that packs the same punch.  Minced garlic? I’ve got a jar in the frig.  You get it. This recipe also called for ground pork (more common for eggrolls) but I used ground turkey and it was delicious.  Here we go.  You’ll need: 1 lb ground turkey 1 sweet onion, diced 1 Tbsp sesame oil 1 Tbsp rice vinegar 2 tsp minced fresh garlic (I used my jar) 1 tsp ground ginger (I used my paste) 1/4 cup low sodium soy sauce 1 16oz bag dry coleslaw mix (shredded cabbage and carrots) 1 Tbsp Hoisin sauce  2 green onions, thinly sliced You’ll start by browning your ground meat in a large skillet over med-high heat. Once the pink is gone, toss in your diced onion, the sesame oil, and the rice vinegar.  The sesame oil is what will give your dish that wonderful, nutty, uniquely Asian flavor. Cook that, stirring, until the onion is tender.  Add the garlic, ginger, soy sauce, hoisin, and the coleslaw to the skillet.

Then just cook for another 5 to 7 minutes until the cabbage is wilted. THAT’S IT.

When it’s ready, you can top with sliced green onions, even a sprinkle of sesame seeds if you’re so inclined. It’s so yummy!  I wasn’t sure if the mister would be a fan and he loved it.  I failed to take a photo after plating it, but here’s a picture from one of the bazillion Pinterest recipes.  

By using the prepared ingredients like I did, the ginger paste, the pre-minced garlic, this dinner comes together fast. Like twenty minutes. I measure my ingredients out before I start and just toss them in as needed and this is a snap. I think the next time I make it I’ll add some extra matchstick carrots. I think it could use more. But it’s still delicious, and so quick and easy. Serve either of these quick dinners with some cool summer melon chunks and that’s a complete meal. Last, but not least, have you tried chili crisps yet? I’m addicted.  I use them on just about everything, but my favorite way to use them is to start my day with a bang.  Scrambled eggs, avocado toast, whatever - add some chili crisp and take it to the next level.   This is the brand I use.

I buy mild because I’m not trying to start a fire, just enjoy a little zip.  Here’s the Mr. Bing description of their chili crisp.

I don’t care if they say it’s made with goat toenails and tree bark, it’s delicious. This was my brunch a couple of days ago.  One slice of grainy bread, smashed avocado mixed with a shake of Everything Bagel seasoning, a poached egg, and plenty of chili crisp.

I get hungry just looking at those photos. It’s so tasty! As I was grabbing those pics off my phone I giggled when I saw this one.

That’s just a taco bowl, but there’s that cauliflower rice that apparently makes Mickey feel deprived. It’s one of my favorite things to eat!  Guess I could start making a little bowl of “real rice” for him.  Or he could adapt.  Poor guy.   Another funny capture by the Ring doorbell.  I made him stand on the porch so I could snap a pic of him on Father’s Day.  We look like a couple old farts. But there he is, just doing as I asked. He knew resistance was futile. 

The camera in that doorbell has a sort of fisheye effect and warps things.  Or maybe I do have a giant left arm. Anywho, that’s what’s been shaking around here. I won’t promise to be here tomorrow, but I will try to be.  I’ve got a couple of fun things to share and I need to sort through pictures.  I’ve been working on a couple of cards too, trying to build an inventory.  Here’s one of the latest, I haven’t placed her on a card yet

Isn’t she a hoot?  I’ve found a wonderful new resource for my dead people, loads and loads of photos, so I’m having fun picking out winners. I predict long, enjoyable hours spent with my deceased friends.  I give them back stories while I work with them.  That’s Darla.  She’s from Philly, she’s got a heart of gold but runs the deli counter at Wegman’s with an iron fist. Don’t tell her how to slice the meat. She’s a bowling champ and met her second husband, Eddie, at a charity bowling tournament that raised money for at-risk donkeys. Some donkeys never adapt to farm life and Darla thinks they should be able to pursue their dreams. What? Too much time on my hands? Me? Probably.

I’ll see you soon. Until then, stay safe, stay well, follow your dreams. XOXO - Nancy

[gossamer-and-grace]

My Method Behind This Madness

A general note: I don’t count calories, or weigh myself. I’ve done both before and they never led anywhere good, and certainly not to lasting success. I need a floor to my ED or else I will fall—and have fallen—through entirely. I believe in high restriction. My best results have come from this, and from eating not according to numbers but appearance, how I look in the mirror. Dysmorphia and self-loathing are real, but I don’t suffer from them, so what I see and how I feel about it guide my diet. I eat only when hungry and stop not when I’m full, but when I don’t “feel anything”—neither hunger nor satiety. Just stability. Sometimes this hunger expresses itself through the symptoms of low blood sugar, which for me is fatigue, irritability, and pessimism.

1. I do count calories as perfectly exchangeable: calories consumed plus calories forgone can equal zero.

2. I can dismiss the calories in liquids either as necessities (they keep me full and prevent eating solid foods) or temporary (I can “pee” them out. Delusional, I know). Calories to me seem more substantial and consequential when they occur in solid foods. Therefore, I’m unafraid and unaffected by things like juice in water, oat milk in my tea, milk on its own, even a protein shake. The single sweet potato I provide for myself also comes from experience: not pooping regularly generally indicates a bad state of affairs, and it means accumulated weight. Fiber is important.

3. Veggies are my ultimate safe food, so long as they’re not starchy. No calorie within them counts; I only “count” their nutrients and their necessity, and under this guise of health-consciousness I am able to allow myself the nourishment I need to live in a skinny body. Protein is less a comfort but I cope with it as a necessity, and allow it as such. When I’m eating solid foods, I will shift to eliminating superfluous calories: no more juices. No carbs in this case, but this will be hard to stick to, and I imagine I won’t; that’s okay, I cope by saying I accompany my nutrients with carbs to give them sticking power in my stomach. Another necessity, in my eyes, and therefore a forgivable one.

4. This speaks to a personal and career goal of mine; if you wish to adopt any parts of my model, here you may insert any activity you want to do regularly or passionately, but may not be able to for whatever reason. Compassion for yourself is important when you’re already starving your cells.

5. I will put the fat I accumulated to good use. Here I think of a big brown bear lumbering off to her hole in the ground to sleep for 6 months and emerge lithe, sturdy though weakened, beautiful and fresh the next spring. I think also of a fat caterpillar gorging itself on leaves (which are starch, to me) and then retreating into a self-enforced period of isolation, starvation, perfection—the walls of a paper prison that she constructed around herself from which she will burst. Lithe. Sturdy though weakened. Beautiful and fresh. That will be me.

Finally, the last sentence is a snippet of a longer quote that triggers me. Again, if you wish to adopt any parts of my model, here you may insert any memory (memories work the best) that stir a strong feeling and renew your resolve for your goals.

🐻🐛🦋

[ourgirlworld]

how to get a victoria's secret angel's body.

all bodys are different and work in different ways. height and genetics do play a role in weight loss BUT so does diet and working out. if you use my tips you may get an angels body but, it may take up to a year. everyone starts somewhere so if your heavier now you'll loose faster. go at your own pace. if you can't do a workout don't quit, just modify it. remember it's okay to mess up and eat a few chips but, that doesn't mean it's okay to have a "fuck it" mindset and binge. i wish you girls lots of luck on your weight loss journey!

WORKOUT

i know, i know you don't want to workout but, you won't get an angels body without it. you can start slow and easy and then do hard and fast paced workouts. for example you could do 10 minutes of dancing everyday and each week add 10 minutes. i recommend cardio and pilates. for cardio the angels like to go on walks, jump rope, and light jogs but, not fast paced running as it will make you hungrier and your more likely to injure yourself. make sure to take breaks and drink a lot of water! for pilates, the angles have trainers but, you can either go to a studio or do mat pilates. most of the angels do mat pilates. you can find classes on youtube for free. i recommend move with nicole (explains everything very well, her voice is SO calming, and has tons of videos for different levels.), lottie murphy (very good for beginners, and explains things clearly.), and lidia mera (better for more advanced people as she doesn't talk during them, work very well and make you sweat.). i recommend getting a yoga mat and resistance bands if you can! resistance bands do help build and tone muscle faster and a yoga mat is a definite need especially if your on a hard floor. once you have better stamina and can do harder workouts i recommend trying the "38 step victorias secret model workout". also remember STRETCH!!! stretch before and after EVERY workout, it leans out your body and muscles and is just good for your body.

DIET

dieting is hard, i know but, to have an angel's body you need to. you need to be a calorie deficit to lose weight. a calorie deficit is burning more calories than you eat. the angels all eat different things but, stay have the same type of diet (usually). they eat 3 times a day and most of them talk about their love for food and how they still snack. my tips for cravings and snacking are: find a healthier alternative to it, let yourself eat it once in a while it's okay, and eat bigger meals so your not as hungry. for breakfast you should have a smoothie, oatmeal, granola and fresh fruit with low-fat greek yogurt, or grain bread with low-fat cottage cheese and fruit (my personal fav!!). for lunch you should have chicken with rice, a salad with chicken, or a veggie soup. for dinner you should have something with a lot of protein to keep you full all night for example, soup, chicken and rice, grilled fish/chicken with fresh veggies. your meals should be four to five hours apart. when you eat breakfast in the morning your metabolism speeds up so you may be hungrier during the day. make sure to drink plenty of water! i recommend 2 liters to start off. some of the angels drank 1-5 gallons a day which is NOT safe and very dangerous. 1 gallon is good at MAX.

GOOD LUCK ANGELS!!

#lana del ray moodboard #gatekeep gaslight girlboss #localy hated #just girly thoughts #alana champion #girlboss #black swan #cinnamon girl #girly things #this is what makes us girls #girls girls girls #victoria secert model #victoriassecretpink #victoria secret #workout #gym #fitblr #fitnessmotivation #gymlife #tw ed diet #low cal diet #weight loss diet #weightloss #keto diet #weight loss journey #fat loss #healthyliving #tumblr girls

[littlefreya]

As I was saying

Summary: You recently found out that you’re pregnant and Henry is being all sorts of over-protective and annoying about it and won’t shut up about what you should or shouldn’t eat. So you find a creative way to shut him up...

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader (no description of body type or ethnicity thought it’s mention that Henry is taller)

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: 18+, RPF, fluff to smut, early pregnancy, blow job, bodily fluids, slight FemDom/SubMale, My overuse of poetic sex metaphors, cottagecore!

*No permission is given for reposting my work, copying it, or parts from it.

A/N: This story was born out of a convo I had with my sweet @the-soot-sprite​ about the photo above. Many thanks to @agniavateira​ my solid rock who betas all my work and to @firefly-graphics​ for the dividers

Please comment and reblog if you enjoyed my story. I work hard on each one of them and your validation means the world to me. 🖤

As I was Saying

Henry’s velvety voice carried through the cottage like seductive vapours of honey liqueur. It wasn’t often that he'd sing a blissful tune so casually out of the blue—after earth-shattering sex perhaps, which indeed you had the night before. However, this morning, his chants were laced with a new flavour of sugary bliss. 

Two little pink stripes. That's all it took for his eyes to shimmer the way precious cobalt is kissed by a moonlight glow.

Sneaking about in the mien of a curious little mouse, you trod after the pleasant tune of his voice, which was now accompanied by a soft rustle. Wander laved your face once you leaned against the kitchen door frame, peering at the prodigious man who stood in front of the open fridge. 

Preoccupied, he appeared to be ransacking through the shelves with the song ‘Cheek to Cheek’ thrumming on his tongue.

“Heaven... I'm in heaven…”  

Fingers clutching at the edge of the wall, you pressed into the chilled surface with a relaxed smirk, lingering on the irresistible view when your ease of mind faded with a blink of an eye — while methodically rummaging through the fridge, Henry threw fresh food straight into an open trash can.

“What are you doing?” you asked, your voice rising to a high-pitched yip. 

Henry made a soft flex; the muscles of his back rippled in a tidal motion. Though acknowledging your presence, he proceeded to hover a finger over different products. 

“Cleaning up the fridge," he answered absentmindedly.

With a soft shove, there went your French cheese. 

“That’s brand new!” you protested and rushed toward him, alarmed. 

Towering over the trash can, you considered diving in to salvage the precious bulk of cheese from the dreary pit. Henry glanced at you from the corner of his eyes, testing your resolve while his claw grabbed some papaya salad leftovers and pushed it over the edge of the shelf, joining the rest of the discarded meals. 

“It is,” he nodded and closed the refrigerator door, carrying on to the high cabinets. With a slight wrinkle between his brows and a hand scratching the stubbles of his dimpled chin, he narrowed his eyes to scrutinise the items carefully. “I'm pregnant-proofing the kitchen. I called Hanna while you were asleep. She created a proper daily menu for you with the dos and don’ts: less sugar, more veggies and protein.” 

It took you a moment to process his words, your eyes narrowing while asking, “Hanna? As in Hanna, your nutritionist?”

Henry nodded at your question, a faint crease lining his cheek. “That’s the one. Don't worry, princess, she specialises with pregnant women.”

Unwittingly, a somewhat inhuman growl sounded in your chest. You were only getting used to the idea of developing another person inside you, and here stood your husband, already seeing fit to dictate your diet. Slithering into the narrow space between the heavy man and the counter, you tilted your chin to meet his stare while your fists pressed into your hips assertively. 

“Listen here, Cavill! You might have jizzed me one too many and succeeded in putting a baby in there, but this is still my body. I can take care of my own pregnancy diet.”

With an arm stretched above your head, Henry offered a charming display of pearly whites to pacify your strained nerves. His dimples nearly managed to beguile your senses when your eyes flared at the sight of what was held between his long fingers.

“No! Henry, no! Not the coffee!”

“Oh, I’m afraid so, my love. You shouldn’t have any caffeine at your current state.” Despite his argument, the tenderness of his gaze stroked upon your face like a warm ray of sunlight piercing through heavy clouds. Lazily it dropped to your belly, the cascading heat cradling your unborn child. 

Words of protest left you for a sliver of a moment, too in awe of the dreamy grin on his face. 

Thoughts of how beautiful you’d look rounded and full with his child illuminated him that you swore his skin developed a glow over the night. Didn’t they always say women are radiant when they are pregnant? Well, it seemed that in your case, it applied to your husband as well.

The charming haze of bliss almost swallowed you up; but you quickly slapped yourself back into reality, reaching a hand in an attempt to stop Henry from throwing away your delicacy. Though taller, Henry held his hand far out of reach, a hint of a smugness stretching his lips.

“A pregnant woman is allowed to have a little bit of caffeine!” You muttered and sent both hands in an attempt to retrieve the box while Henry teased you by throwing it from one hand to the other, further fueling your annoyance. 

Vexed to the point of frustration, you stood still and sighed, “you know what else is bad for the baby?” 

Henry paused his foolish games and tilted his head as he waited to hear your answer.

“His father at the morgue after I’ll kill him. Now stop that and hand it over! A pregnant woman can have a cup a day, according to Google.” 

“Nope,” Henry clicked his tongue, his laughter replaced with a severe stare. “Love, I know they say it’s okay to have a teeny bit, but I’ve been doing some research while you were asleep, and it’s not recommended. Caffeine increases heart rate and blood pressure, which is not good for you nor for the baby. It also increases urination, which may cause dehydration.”

Clenching your jaw at the onslaught of information he bestowed, you watched his lips move while none of his words registered. Preoccupied with the rules of a “healthy” pregnancy, Henry was set on being the practical one, completely forgetting to enjoy the moment. And damn, it was the moment to celebrate. All you wanted right now was to stay in bed for a day, ride your handsome husband to hell and back and eat as much ice cream as possible.

“Everything you eat from now on goes to our baby,” Henry proceeded to lecture on a thing you were perfectly aware of.

Ire found you within seconds, embroiled with pregnancy hormones which made him further intolerable at the moment— intolerable

... and delicious.  

Soaked with hunger, your eyes raked his sight: the thickness of his muscles was apparent beneath a plain black t-shirt and those good old grey sweats outlined the source of your current predicament. Your fingers twitched just from thinking about it, mimicking the sensation of squeezing its girth and eliciting those low groans that made your heart flutter. 

But his chatter still interrupted your sultry thoughts. If only there was a way to get him to shut up, you mused. Then your eyes focused on the soft bulge that winked back at your hungry glare.

Unaware, Henry turned toward the table to grab a bulk of informative documents he printed earlier in order to educate you of your pregnancy, he licked his thumb and began to read through, “As I was saying….”

Hastily, you exploited his lack of attention and took a step forward, your fingers latching around the hem of his sweats. With one swift movement, you fell to your knees and tugged his trousers along. 

Lost in his passionate speech, Henry was still muttering nonsense when your hand seized him; but as the lushness of your tongue bedded his soft cock without warning, all that could be heard in the kitchen was a husky gasp. 

Feeling the warm silky flesh swell and harden within your mouth, you sent your eyes up to peer at him, admiring the sight. Nothing spoke of your power better than the wrinkle between his shut eyes and his mouth agape with all air draining from his lungs. There you were, lowered to your knees with a maw full of his cock and yet, he was the one who lost his ability to speak and had his legs quaking of need. 

Unable to help yourself, you sent one palm to feel the tremor that ran through the muscles of his thighs while the other cradled his heavy sac. 

“Uh……” he finally managed to utter, a groan of bemused bliss pushing itself between his parted lips. “What… what are you doing?” 

You crooked an eyebrow in response and answered by dragging your mouth along the length of his shaft. Your pillowy lips ran across ridges and thrumming veins, your jaw loosening until you felt him deep in the back of your throat. 

Locked in the cavernous cage of your maw, he tightened his gut and shuddered with pleasure. Though, the low unbridled groans that sputtered from his chest fueled your enticement just as so; memories of how the same thick girth that brimmed your mouth would split open your narrow canal made both your eyes and abandoned cunt tear of desperation.

It always beguiled you how much arousal could be found in bringing him to his rapture without touching yourself. The harder he throbbed on your velvety serpent, the more you soaked.  

With fervent strokes, you feasted on the briny flavour of his cock; the tendons vibrated with bliss while your tongue twirled and pushed around them. You pulled, sucked, and pumped him in your warm mouth, milking the senses of a man infinitely stronger—a man who succeeded in conquering your womb yet now crumbled to nothing at the touch of your tongue.

“Fuck…. Babe… keep going,” Henry breathed out a plea. The documents held by his hand slipped between his fingers as he pressed his palm to the cabinet with a thud, and began to rock his hips back and forth to fuck back into your mouth. Like feathers, the white slips floated around you, landing onto the ground while you worked him to his ecstasy.  

His other hand found your head, caressing lovingly and trying to take control: yet his strength waned and his head fell back with a moan. Faster, harder, you sucked your husband to the point of submission while hums of admiration laced around his rigid length. Your eyes beamed as you watched his resolve shatter. Your fingertips toyed with the coarse hair at the apex of his thighs, your thumb seeking the tendon at the base of his cock and pressing into it, urging him to spill his gift down your throat.

“I’m going to… I’m going to…. In your throat… fuck.”

With a guttural grunt, he thickened against your tongue; the overflow of salty-sweet cream glazed your mouth and then flowed down your flaring throat.

The room thrummed with the buzz of the refrigerator, Henry’s heavy exhales - these were the sounds of your triumph. Wiping your lips with the back of your hand, you cracked a smile and neatly pulled his trousers back on before you rose to stand straight. 

Overwhelmed and drenched in sweat, your husband scrutinised you while you reached for the box of capsules and tilted your head.

“You were saying?”

#henry cavill rpf #henry cavill #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill fanfiction

[lubdubsworld]

The Devil’s own.

Jungkook x OC

Mafia Au!

Warnings : Non-Con ! Manipulation, Degradation, Shitty hero with no redeeming Qualities you have been warned. ( i mean he does get better but not much.)

Summary : Just Mob Boss Jungkook doing mob boss things.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

I wasn’t sure how long I stayed there , staring at the ceiling and trying to come to terms with what had just happened. It was revolting. It was nauseating. It made me want to claw my own skin off. I stared at the intricate designs , carved into the ceiling, the panels that reflected life and made the room seem bigger than it was. The scent of jasmine and rosemary clung to the sheets and the drapes in the room, cloyingly sweet and meant to arouse the occupants.

I wondered how I’d got here.

I had memories of satin silk sheets and bright lights. My father had always spoiled me, the best of the best only for his only daughter and I’d indulged in luxury to my heart’s content. More shoes than I could possibly wear in a life time. Every season’s collection, straight into my wardrobe whether I asked for it or not. Diamonds and rubies and emeralds set in platinum and gold , jewelry to match my clothes and even my car if I felt like it.

I shut my eyes in despair. I didn’t miss the luxury as much as I missed the solitude. The option to just not do anything. My father hadn’t cared enough to see what I was upto and everyone knew that I was betrothed to Jungkook.

And that meant no dates or party invites because after the third guy got his arm in a sling after accidentally brushing past me , word kind of spread.  Stay away from Elena Gong or the Jeon kid will break your bones.

I shuddered. It had been an obsession, I thought vacantly.

Jungkook had been obsessed, even back then. I just hadn’t paid much heed to him. Because Jungkook back then had been terrifying but also ridiculously endearing in some way. He had seemed for lack of a better word…..insignificant. I was beautiful and rich, never lacked for attention and he was just one among the dozens. Even if I was betrothed to him, I hadn’t given much thought to him.

And Jungkook had taken my indifference in stride. He’d laughed and played around and I hated to admit it, treated me like a queen. Flowers, chocolates and gifts every other day . He would follow me around like a puppy , and I wondered if perhaps my dismissive attitude towards him back then had been a mistake. Did it push him over the edge?

My heart ached fiercely and when I finally willed myself to move, my body protested.

Every inch of me was sore and aching. My head because of how hard he’d gripped my hair. I sat up on shaky legs, fingers trembling as I pulled my shit up to stare at my body. Bite marks littered my skin, marring the smooth surface and I felt bile in my throat at the memory of his teeth on me.  Finger shaped bruises were beginning to bloom around my thighs and I couldn’t breathe over the agony ripping up my insides.

I glanced down between my thighs, at the sticky mess of his release dripping down into the sheets, staining the sheets a murky pink. I shuddered, disgusted. God, I hated him. Where was my phone? My clothes were still there at the foot of the bed and I noticed the small door on the right wall. Crawling off the bed on shaky legs , I limped carefully to the bathroom.

I took Hoseok’s shirt off dropping it in the corner before turning the showers on.

The water felt like a whip on my skin as I sat on the tiled bathroom floor , a small washcloth gripped tight in my hand as I carefully cleaned myself up. I had no idea what the time was… It must be very early or very late. No matter. I had to get out of here and get to Jisoo. I swallowed, imagining her alone all this time. The doctors had said she would be up in Guilt churned as I quickly grabbed a towel from the closet and wiped myself down.

It took me another ten minutes to finish dressing up and just as I finished slipping into my shoes, the door opened.  I glanced up, catching sight of Hoseok as he leaned against the door. He looked a little haggard, a black silk shirt unbuttoned to his chest and tucked into fitted jeans. I stared at him, watching the way his gaze roved over every inch of exposed skin, looking just a tad bit worried.

“The Hospital called. “ He said gently, “ They’re ready to release you sister. They want to know if you can come pick her up. The baby’s going to have to stay in the NICU for a couple of weeks.”

I groaned. Great. More bills.

“I need a job. “ I said miserably. “ Help me out.” I stared at him beseechingly and Hoseok gave me a look.

“you know the kind of jobs I provide. You’re not built for it. “ He said shortly and I shook my head, impatient.

“that’s not what I meant and you know it. You and your friends pretty much own every club in the city. Get me a job ….” I whispered, moving to stand in front of him and he recoiled.

Just as always, I thought bitterly. Coward.

As much as a coward now as he’d been ten years ago, when he’d pretended that he didn’t have any feelings for me. Pretended that he didn’t give a damn about me.

The throb in my skull grew in intensity.

My throat was dry and I felt my vision swim a bit. I was tired. Exhausted . I hadn’t slept in….how long really? I hadn’t eaten in a day…for sure… And I likely wasn’t going to be eating for a long while, let alone feeding Jisoo if I didn’t get a job right away. I had twelve thousand won to my name and that was it.

“Jungkook-“ He began but I was sick of his name so I growled.

“Fuck, do you want me to beg Hoseok? I will… I can’t … I need a job… Please.” I said desperately, staring at him and his gaze softened.

“Elena, stop looking at me like that, fuck.” He swore, turning and punching the wall hard. “ fuck.”

“Just help me get a job. I’m not asking you to give me money or something.  You don’t even have to get it for me… Just tell me who’s hiring ? Somewhere away from Jungkook and his men.” I whispered , and the sheer irony of it didn’t escape me. Jung Hoseok was possibly one of Jungkook’s main men.

He ran his hand over his forehead, shaking his head.

“You’re going to get me killed someday.” He muttered, “ Fine. There’s a club down in Itaewon. It caters to cops and lawyers exclusively so Jungkook and his men usually keep out of it. My friend owns the place. His name is Im Jaebum.  I’ll get you a job there , waitressing. Is that alright?” He said softly and I wanted to sob in relief as I nodded. Itaewon meant pretty close to where the bakery was. I could take the bus.

“Fine. I’ll talk to him and call you. Here…” He held out a wad of cash and I took it greedily, eyes widening at the 100,000 written on the margin of each note. This was a lot of money.

“Hoseok…”I said stunned and he shrugged. “ Get food and baby stuff for Jisoo. If she’s going to feed the baby she needs to eat well. Fruits and veggies and lot of protein. If you run out, tell Jaebum you need some advance. He’ll pay you well.”

I nodded, stuffing the money into my pockets quickly . I swallowed when my insides throbbed, aching something fierce.

“Thank you.” I said softly, staring up at him and he hesitated, before reaching out and gently cupping my face in his palm. I flinched at his touch and he recoiled.

“Was he… Did he hurt you?” He whispered quietly and I smiled bitterly.

“Wasn’t that the whole point?” I sighed, shaking my head . I hesitated . I wasn’t sure if Hoseok would listen to me but I had to try at least.

“ Can you not tell him? That… That I was a virgin?” I asked quietly and he nodded.

“Wasn’t planning to.” He said casually.

I stared at him. I’d always found him handsome. Beautiful. Perfect . And I wondered where we had gone so wrong.

“Do you regret it.” I whispered. “ All those choices you made.”

“Which ones? …” he asked bitterly.

“you know… “ I snapped. “ the ones that lead us here. You and me…. Standing here like strangers. “

“I wouldn’t risk my life for a stranger. Which is what I’m doing every time I help you .” He said quietly.

“So what are we then?” I demanded.

“Old friends” He said casually.

I snorted.

“Fucking coward.” I whispered , loud enough for him to hear as I brushed past him and walked away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I trudged all the way to the VIP room in the hospital flinching because that was probably a lot of money to be repaid , now owed directly to the devil spawn that was Jeon. I had grabbed a small meal on the way before quickly getting the bus to the Hospital. It was little past eleven in the morning and the hallways were packed with people. Sighing, I moved to the room where Jisoo was, slowly opening the door.

Min Yoongi sat on the chair next to the bed, gazing idly at my sister in law.

To say that I was shocked would be the biggest understatement of the century. My lips parted in shock, panic bubbling up inside me as I exhaled sharply.

“What-“ I swallowed gazing between him and my Jisoo, who was sitting up against the backrest on the bed, a tray of food on her lap and a small smile on her face.

“Lena!! You’re here!” She cried out softly, tears filling her eyes at once as she held both her hands up. I moved to hug her but my mind stayed on the man near the bed, his sultry feline eyes trained unblinkingly on her. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to get my breathing to regulate but it was impossible.

What on earth was Yoongi doing here?

“Mr. Min came to see me. He told me he knew Daehwan.” Jisoo said softly, looking sad but hopeful and I felt my heart turn over as I turned to stare at him.

Min Yoongi knew Daehwan as a target . A hit he had carried out himself.

But I couldn’t say a thing. Not in front of Jisoo.

“I’m only here to offer my help. It pains me to see you suffering, Jisoo. I know your husband would want you to be taken care of.” He said softly, his gaze still fixed on her and I didn’t like it. At all.

Bile rising, I gave him a glare.

“I’ll take care of her. Please don’t trouble yourself.” I said shakily and he glanced at me, lips parting a bit, turning into a smirk.

“You look… well rested.” He smirked and I flushed.

“Lena, come on… I know all this…this must be expensive. We can use all the help we can get and Mr. Min-“

“Please call me Yoongi, sweetheart.” Yoongi said charmingly and my sister in law blushed. I felt my skin crawl.

“Y-Yoongi said he has a spare room. I can’t stay in the bakery.  And it’s not like he’s a murderer or anything. He showed me his card. He’s a lawyer.” She said softly and I sighed in despair. Jisoo was naïve bordering on stupid and I wasn’t equipped to deal with this.

As I watched she went back to the food, eating ravenously and I felt my heart clench. I could see the twin damp spots at her chest and I noticed the breast pump on the table. It looked brand new. I hadn’t even thought about things she may need after the baby, too preoccupied with all the hospital bills and medicines I would have to pay for.

Diapers. Baby wipes. Those little flannel pieces mothers used to wipe down the baby. I felt my head spin, turning to Yoongi who was staring at me casually.

“Can we talk?” I said quietly and he straightened.

“Jisoo ssi… Please enjoy your meal. And here…” He gave her his phone. “ If you’re done, just give me a buzz on this.” He showed her something on the phone .” Go on try it.”

Jisoo pressed down on the screen curiously and Yoongi’s watch rang .

He grinned as she smiled.

“See? One touch and I’ll be here yeah?” He said softly, and I felt like I was stuck in some kind of drama, glancing between the pair of them.

“Are you leaving?” She asked curiously and he shook his head.

“I’ll be right here, outside. Having a word with Elena. You can finish your food and I’m guessing it’s time for you to pump again? The pediatrician said you’d have to pump every two hours with the milk so… if you get it ready, I’ll drop it off at the NICU.” He said calmly.

Jisoo nodded, staring at him with wide eyed gratefulness and I sighed in despair.

Yoongi moved to the door and I gave her a small smile before following him.

I waited till the door had closed behind me before turning to him, furious.

“What do you think you’re-“

“I want her.” He said shortly.

I felt my jaw come unhinged.

“No.” I hissed, furious and helpless with rage. “ Yoongi-“

“Don’t make me put a bullet in your head for this, Elena.” He said calmly and I exhaled shakily.

“She’s… You know she’s not like us. She doesn’t know anything about this life. As far as she knows my brother was a surgeon who got killed in a hit and run. You want to …. What do you really want? Did Jungkook put you upto this?”

“If Jungkook would have his way, your sister in law and your new nephew would both be dead. You know this.” Yoongi said casually. God, could I ever have a conversation with anyone without Jungkook being dragged into it? When did my life get twined so intimately with him?

“Where is he?” I asked quickly and Yoongi shrugged.

“He’s out of the country. He left an hour ago.”

“Switzerland….” I said before thinking and Yoongi stiffened.

“How did you know?” He demanded and I froze.

“I… I overheard …..someone.” I muttered and Yoongi moved so fast I barely caught it. The next second I was pressed up against the wall, his forearm pressing into my throat and holding me down while he held a knife right against my jugular.

“Nice try. Now the truth.” He hissed.

“Ouch..” I choked out , coughing  a bit. “ Fine.. Hoseok.. Hoseok told me.”

Yoongi pulled back.

“You fukcing him?” He asked casually and I glared at him.

“none of your business.” I snapped.

He laughed at that.

“I know you aren’t. Hoseok loves his dick too much to risk having it castrated.”

I sighed, shaking my head. I wasn’t here to talk about these bastards.

“Just leave Jisoo alone.” I said quietly and Yoongi sighed.

“What are you going to do with her, Elena. You can barely afford to feed yourself. You should be thankful I’m taking her off your hands.”

I ignored his nonsense and moved till I was pressed up against him, fingers curling into his chest. Yoongi looked surprised, lips twisting in displeasure when I blinked up at him.

“please.. Yoongi…” I begged, “ Don’t do this to me.” I said quietly. “ I … she’s all I have… She… My brother had nothing to do with any of this. You know that….He left this life decades ago. I don’t… I don’t know why Jungkook wanted him dead in the first place. I loved my brother and my brother loved his wife. I owe it to him … Please…just…Please leave her alone.” I whispered softly, letting my fingers drop to grip his arm.  

He tugged his arm away at once.

“ She needs more than empty platitudes and good intentions. She needs food and a place to stay with her baby. I’m giving her that.”

“And what do you get in return?” I demanded angrily. “ She just gave birth, fuck you. You can’t touch her , not unless you’ve lost the last shreds of humanity in that conscience of yours.”

He rolled his eyes.

“I’m not doing this for sex, Elena. If I wanted easy pussy, I would have come to you…” He smirked.  “ Don’t forget that Jungkook and I share our toys, yeah?”

I opened my mouth to retort before remembering that I was trying to get him to listen to him.

“Then why? What do you want…tell me?”

“I told you. I want her. As she is.” Yoongi shrugged.

“You killed her husband.” I said , voice shaking as I remembered what Jungkook had said. About my brother begging for his life because Jisoo was pregnant. And how Yoongi hadn’t given a shit and shot him anyway.

“A minor inconvenience. Trust me if I’d seen her before I killed him…” He sighed, shaking his head in regret and I frowned.

“You would have spared him? “ I asked bitterly and Yoongi laughed.

“No.. I would have killed him sooner.” He smirked. “ Is there a point to this whole conversation… I’m getting bored and Jisoo’s waiting inside.”

“We’re supposed to get her out of the hospital today and-“

“I’m taking her home.” He said briskly. “ I’ve already spoken to her. And She’s agreed that a ramshackle , dilapidated bakery isn’t the right place for a new mother and a tiny baby.”

And the worst part was that I couldn’t even disagree.

And I couldn’t help but feel angry, betrayed. Jisoo was…. How could she? She hadn’t even bothered to talk to me about it… Just agreeing to move in with Yoongi. She was older than me. Supposed to be the smart one. My body ached. If that was the bed she was going to make , she could lie on it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Going somewhere?” Jungkook’s voice made me freeze.

I swallowed, straightening and stepping back almost instinctively. He stood in the doorway, a cigarette held between his teeth as he stared at me . He looked like he’d showered as well, hair still damp and the smells of citrus and mint permeating the air around him.

It was exactly ten days since I’d last seen him and I’d settled into a routine of sorts. Im Jaebum’s bar, Venom was an exclusive club in Itaewon and I could easily disappear into the shadows, staying low and using the beret ( a part of the uniform ) to keep my face hidden as I served the patrons. Like Hoseok had said, the place was filled with cops and lawyers. Yoongi was a frequent fixture here , stopping for just a drink on most days before heading home to my sister in law.

It made me sick but there was nothing I could do about it. Jisoo and little baby Yunsu were both home and needed a l,ot of care. And Yoongi apparently had a cook, a housekeeper and a nanny who helped her out. Jisoo was wary, her senses finally returning but she was also clearly glad to be out of the streets.

“I’m going home after I finish my shift. “ I said softly, trying not to stare as he stepped into the room. I turned away from him moving to the shelves and pushing the small canister in place.

“Where’s home?” He asked casually. I flinched when he stepped right behind me, fingers reaching out to curl on my shoulder, pulling me back till I was flush against his chest. The heat of his body seeped in through the thin fabric of my blouse and I felt my body heat up.

“You got what you wanted.” I said shakily. “ Let me go.” I whispered, dropping the cleaning cloth in the tray on the lower shelves, before moving to grab the mop. I just had to finish mopping the floor . And then I could leave.

But his grip on me stayed firm. I couldn’t move. Foreboding rose inside me.

Jungkook hummed at that, stepping closer, till I felt his chin brush the top of my head as he bent over me, arms coming around me  and fingers lightly unbuttoning the first two buttons of my  shirt. I stared at the dark ink on his forearm. , swallowing as he kept coming closer.

“What I wanted? That pathetic little display ten days ago?”  He whispered softly “ Just think about this Elena ……  I’ve been chasing you for years, I got rid of your entire family and yet I let you live. Why do you think that was, huh? “ He shook his head, “ For two minutes of you lying underneath me like a frigid bitch? You think that’s what I want Elena? Think I’ll be satisfied with that? ” He laughed.

I stared at the wall in front of me  and I couldn’t do this. Couldn’t play this sick game with him. Not when he kept changing the rules . Not when there was nothing left for me to gamble or lose.

“Jisoo. I have to go see her. Just… Just let me go see her. I need to see if she’s alright and then we can talk. ” I whispered. Jungkook smiled, tilting my  head to the side with his fingers. I felt the damp press of his lips against my jaw and my skin crawled.

“Don’t worry, Yoongi’s taking care of her.” He whispered softly and I felt my heart turn over in my chest at the reminder. I’d been forced to relent because Yoongi had taken her home to a fully finished and decorated nursery , a closet full of baby clothes for her son and nursing clothes for her. She had been bowled over and when I’d told her to think about the why of it…she’d given me a helpless sort of smile. . As far as she was concerned , Yoongi had been nothing but generous and kind… And she wasn’t going to say no to him because she couldn’t afford to..

“I… he promised me he’d let me see her. And the baby…every day. That was the deal.”

Jungkook laughed.

“I thought I made this clear . You don’t get to make deals with anyone because you belong to me. I get to decide what happens to you. Anytime. Anywhere. Do you need another demonstration , Elena?” His hand moved to my breast, groping the flesh, fingers rough and hard and I whimpered in pain.

“No..” I choked out , eyes widening in terror and he made quick work of the rest of the buttons on my blouse. Junkook hummed, kissing the back of my neck and slowly turning me around in his arms.

“Relax. You don’t have a job. How are you going to feed her and the kid? Yoongi isn’t like me. He doesn’t hold a lot of grudges. And for some reason he seems to have a hard on for your sister in law. He wants to marry her. ” He chuckled and I felt nausea bloom.

“No.. Don’t… Don’t do that to her. She’s not like us. She doesn’t know… She doesn’t have anything to do with this life.” I begged, heart racing at the thought of Jisoo, helpless and scared and alone with a baby , trapped with a fucking assassin. Yoongi killed for a living . That was his job. Jisoo was delicate and sensitive.

“She still needs to eat and live right? With what?  He’s feeling particularly generous so he’s taken her home . You don’t have to worry about them anymore… Isn’t that nice?” he smirked and I felt my throat go dry.

I clenched my fists, feeling my breath catch.

“The only person you need to worry about yourself is yourself. Isn’t that how you prefer it anyway? Beautiful selfish Elena who never gave a fuck about anyone but herself. Isn’t that who you truly are, angel?” He smiled.

“Not anyone…. Just you… I don’t give a fuck about you.” I said defiantly, staring right up at him.  

Jungkook stared at me and stepped closer, reaching out and running his fingers up and down my cheek. I flinched because he still held the lit cigarette.

“None at all?”  He asked curiously, lightly tapping on the end of the cigarette, and I flinched when the hot ash spilled onto my shoulder.

“Did that hurt, baby?” He whispered, leaning in and pressing the cigarette to my lips.” I’m sorry. Breathe in for me.” He stuck the cigarette into my mouth and I pulled away , coughing and disgusted.

I closed my eyes as his free hand went to my wrist, tugging me closer. I stiffened as he wrapped his arms around me, drawing me in till my face pressed against his chest, his body flush against mine, one hand moving back to stroke my back.

“I missed you. You’re terrible at pleasing me but I think…with a little bit of training, you can make me cum… ” He smirked. “ Let’s start with a blowjob, yeah?”

I stiffened.

“No.” I said softly and he smirked, pulling back.

“No?” He asked softly. . I felt my throat go dry in fear as I noticed the way his gaze shifted.   I bit my lips to stifle the pain as He carefully pressed the lit end of the cigarette right against the curve of my breast , pressing in for a couple of seconds and pulling away just before the skin began to singe. He glanced up at me, and I blinked through the tears, pain spreading all over my chest at the burn. That would leave a scar, I thought miserably.

“Wrong answer. Try again.” He whispered.

“Go to Hell.” I choked out.

I flinched when his fingers slipped up into my hair, gripping hard. My scalp burned, sharp and insistent and instinct made me grip his wrist, trying to get him off but it was impossible.

“Let me go..” I snapped, glaring at him. God, How I hated him.

“Was I your first??” He whispered, dragging me close enough that his lips brushed my ear. “ Never had a cock before? Was that why you were so fucking tight?”

I bit my lips, glaring at him, defiant and furious. Did Hoseok actually tell him? That two faced snake…. God , why did these fuckers never leave me alone?

“Seokjin hyung told me…Told me he was looking forward to breaking a virgin and that made me think….God, I was the first cock she ever had….” He hummed, looking infinitely pleased.

“Yes. And I got to say… I don’t know what the fuss is about. You couldn’t even make me cum.” I snapped and Jungkook grinned, grip tightening and the other hand moving to curl around my waist, squeezing hard.

“Did I make you bleed from between your legs Elena? Tell me I did….Cause that’s fucking hot. ” He whispered, voice low and gruff.

Jungkook, I thought vacantly, was a psychopath.

“Go to Lisa. Go fuck her and make her bleed if that’s what gets you off….  and leave me alone.” I whispered and he smiled, bending down pressing a kiss right where he’d burned my skin.

“I don’t need you to tell me that. She’s my fiancé. The woman I’m going to marry. And you know what that means? I actually give a shit whether she cums or not. And trust me she does. Multiple times. Sometimes so hard she passes out.”

“Or maybe she fakes it. Maybe she passes out because she can’t stand your touch either.” I shrugged. “ Because we all know that’s what she’s good at Jungkook. She faked her friendship with me , she’ll fake her loyalty to you.”

“Always got something smart to say, huh Elena? Let’s see how mouthy you get when I’m shoving my cock down your throat.”

I flinched when he pushed me, hard enough to send me sprawling on the floor. I caught myself with difficulty , throwing my hands out to keep my head from hitting the floor. I flinched at the pain that shot up my body, every inch throbbing because of how rough this fucker had been with me.

Ten days and the aftermath of that night still lingered on me.

And it was three in the morning  and I’d spent eight hours on my feet bussing tables , I was exhausted.

I closed my eyes, before pressing my palm against the floor, trying to pull myself up when I felt the press of his shoe at the base of my spine, pushing me down.

I whimpered in shock, my hands giving out and shoulder crashing down into the floor.

“Stay down for a second, baby.” He whispered and I exhaled.

I pressed my palm against the floor, head dropping on to the carpeted floor . I whimpered when I felt him crouch down, foot digging in harder into my back and I curled my fingers into the carpet to swallow the pained sound that bubbled up in my throat.

“I’m going to fuck you again. And this time I want you to do all the work.” Jungkook’s voice came from over me and I flinched. I considered the odds of me putting up a fight and actually winning. It was laughable. I wasn’t going to fight a force of nature. And that was what Jeon Jungkook was.

“ You can’t make me do anything Jungkook.” I whispered finally. “ You can hit me and rape me and kill me but you can’t make me do anything to you. You just have to live with that.”

His foot lifted off my spine and I felt hands on my arms, pulling me up till I was kneeling. I watched as he moved around to stand in front of me.

“Look at me.” He said carefully.” From now you only speak when I tell you to.”

“ Whatever.  Let’s get this over with so I can go see my sister and my nephew.“ I said shakily.

He sighed deeply at that, shaking his head.

“See, if it was upto me, I’d just put a bullet in both their heads. Cos at this point they’re just proving to be a nuisance.”

My blood turned to ice in my veins.

“ But,  Yoongi’s just getting to know your pretty little Jisoo…And he’s my favorite hyung. So I’m going to let her live. But, let’s not invade their privacy for a while.” He began unbuckling his belt and I felt nausea rise inside me.

“Jungkook?” The voice came from the door and I stiffened.  Jungkook groaned.

“Baby, what the fuck are you doing here?” He said gruffly, standing up and using his knee to push me out of the way roughly. I swore, gripping the edge of the table near me to steady myself before turning around to stare at the woman at the door.  I stumbled to my feet, still feeling a little out of it. I needed food. Before I collapsed in a heap on the floor.

“You were supposed to come see me tonight. I went looking for you everywhere and I find you here about to get with some common whore?”  she shouted and I stiffened, glaring at her.

She stood framed in the doorway, staring at me for a second before letting her gaze wander all over the room. She stared at me, eyes taking in the unbuttoned blouse and I quickly moved to put the buttons back on.

“Did you fuck her?” She demanded angrily and Jungkook hummed.

“Since when did I owe you answers, angel?” He asked casually and I watched the woman’s eyes widen, before her brows furrowed in a frown.

“ So what, I can’t ask you who you’re with ?” She asked angrily and Jungkook groaned , kicking out at the nearest stand with enough force to send it toppling over the side, crashing to floor and breaking on impact. I stumbled, back, wrapping my arms around myself as he fairly growled.

“What the fuck is up with all you cunts today?” He demanded, glancing at me in distaste. “ I come back after busting my ass at work for ten entire days . I just needed to get my dick sucked and you two.” He shook his head, hand reaching into his jacket and I felt my eyes widen when he pulled his glock out, releasing the safety and loading the gun before pressing the muzzle right against her skull.

The woman whimpered, hands held up as he tapped the firearm against her.

“You. You don’t come anywhere near me unless I send for you. Is that clear?” He asked sharply and she nodded frantically, abject terror written all over her face.

He turned to me.

“And you. You’re coming with me.” He said quietly and I felt my eyes widen. I opened my mouth to protest but the girl at the door beat me to it.

“I think not…. You’re not taking her anywhere, Jungkook, I’ll-“ She began, reaching forward to grab him and Jungkook moved so quickly, I could barely blink.

The shot rang out , making me jump and I watched as she crumbled to the floor, crying out in pain. I stared in horror, watching the hole in her arm, spilling blood all over the floor and the hallway and my throat went completely dry,  staring at the girl on the floor and the blank, absolutely merciless look on his face.

“Just because I let you sit on my cock once in a while, doesn’t mean you get a say in how I live my life.” He said quietly, using his foot to prod her hip. He glanced at me and I felt my throat go dry as he pulled the glock back to reload it.

He aimed the gun right at me, eyes dark and heavy.

“Are you going to be good for me, baby? Or do you need a physical demonstration as well?” He tilted his head to where the girl was on the floor, pressing her palm against her arm.

“She’s  bleeding out.. “ I choked out. “ you need to get her help, Jungk-“

Another shot rang out and I jumped, heart in my throat as I tried to understand what had happened. It took me a second to realize that he hadn’t shot me. That he had fired at the ceiling.

“Answer the bloody question Elena.” He growled and I flinched, nodding.

“I… I’ll listen… Just…” I glanced back at the poor girl on the floor.” Get her some help.”

Jungkook smiled a little. He turned to the girl on the floor and shook his head.

“Get up baby. Go find Hoseok and get that patched up, yeah? And don’t provoke me the next time, yeah? ” He said casually and she stumbled to her feet, looking disoriented and scared as she moved out of the door.

“ And you. “ He glared at me. “Finish dressing up and follow me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where are we going?” I asked nervously, fighting the instinct to just take off at a sprint, as we walked down the road to where his Mercedes was parked.

“My home. Where else?” He said casually and I stiffened.

“Jungkook-“

“Didn’t I tell you not to speak unless I ask you to, Elena? I’m jet lagged and angry. Trust me , you don’t want to piss me off now.” He said casually and I swallowed.

He opened the door for me, the polite gesture so at odds with what he was doing that my head began to throb.

But I climbed in nonetheless. I stayed quiet for the short ride to his apartment , eyes fixed straight ahead and Jungkook was quiet too. I was too exhausted to be scared, I thought despondently, my eyes drooping because of how long I’d been up. Glancing out the window, I watched the cars whizz by, people living their lives, completely unaware that almost all of them were merely tiny little gears in a machine run exclusively by men like Jungkook. That all their lives, spent working and earning and dying…it was all meaningless. They had no say in anything. People like Jungkook were the ones who got to shape the world to their liking. The ones who got to play God.

And Jungkook was definitely the closest to an omnipotent human I’d ever come across.

Powerful, untouchable and terrifying.

So perhaps, it was a little flattering, that I was the one thing he couldn’t get out of his head.

I glanced at him discreetly.

He was beautiful, I thought with a pang. One of the most beautiful men on this planet. Despite the years, his boyish charm was still right there on his face and he could slip on a plaid shirt , a white t shirt and stone wash jeans and pass off as an innocent college student. I stared at the taut jaw, the long column of his neck and the broad back. His biceps bulged when he gripped the steering when and my eyes lingered on the long fingers curled around the wheel.

I jumped when his hand moved to grip the stick shift , curling on the knob and yanking it back with force. I swallowed, thighs pressing together as my mind shifted to that night in Hoseok’s club. I hated myself for how often I relived it. And not always with disgust.

My fingers fell on the ring on his finger. His engagement ring, I thought with a pang. Lisa. Beautiful, wonderful Lisa who had been a dear friend . Once. For all her shortcomings I knew she loved the man who sat next to me. Cared deeply for him, even. Why else would she do this to me? She must have strong feelings for him , if  it had prompted her to throw away our friendship of over a decade.

“You’re cheating on her then.” I said quietly.  His reminder to not talk to him rang in my head but I couldn’t stop myself. He wasn’t a stranger. And that ring…the ring that promised to bind two people forever….. I’d worn it too. For him.

Jungkook didn’t reply, merely glancing at me in passing.

I sighed, looking at my knees, feeling my shoulders tremble a bit.

“Is she going to be there?” I asked quietly.

He exhaled sharply. I noticed the way his grip on the steering wheel tightened.

“No.”  He said shortly.

“She lives with you right? You said we’re going home ….then where is she-“

“What is this, twenty fucking questions?” He snapped and I swallowed. “ I’m not taking you home to my fiancée Elena, do I look like a fucking idiot? “ He shook his head.

Before I could demand more answers, he was pulling over into a side alley. I watched as he carefully parked the car before stepping out.  Second later, he was coming around and opening the door.

I stared at him, gripping the hem of my blouse, tight. My stomach twisted into knots.

“Can’t you just let me go?” I whispered softly, pride forgotten in the wake of my tiredness. Jungkook stared at me, face eerily blank.

“Get out of the car.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Like it?” He asked softly and I stood on the threshold, taking in the lavishly decorated apartment on the top floor of the building. I noticed the portrait right up front, a large full sized photo of me and Jungkook from nearly a decade ago, wrapped around each other in a hug , showing off our engagement bands.

“What is this?”

“It was supposed to be your wedding gift. From me. I bought it for you. Nine years ago. Thought you should see it.” He said quietly.

I stayed perfectly still , as he wrapped his hands around me in a hug.

“Why did you leave me, Elena?” He asked quietly and I felt my throat go dry.

“Why do you still have this place? Get rid of it.” I snapped. He laughed at that , pulling away and turning me around till I stared at him.

“ Will you stay here, with me?” He asked softly and I froze.

“You’re out of your mind.” I said shortly.

He hummed.

“Possibly. But then, the problem is this. If I tell you , you can’t leave this place ever again….There’s not much you can do about it, right?” He said thoughtfully and I felt a sob building in my chest.

“I… Don’t.” I said shakily.

“You should see the bedroom. Come.”

His fingers wrapped around my wrist dragging me past the lavish couch and sofa, past a well kept bar onto a wide hallway dimly lit. He stopped at the second door on the right, reaching out to open the lock.  The room was plunged in darkness and I hesitated.

“Go on… After you, Mrs. Jeon.” He said softly . I could feel distaste creeping up my spine at the name, shivering a bit as I stepped into the darkness.

“Can you imagine, if we’d gotten married. This is what our first night together would be like…” He pressed against my back, arms coming around me , so gentle that I shivered.

“Jungkook…what are you doing?” I asked shakily.

“Shush…. “ He whispered, moving to unbutton my blouse again. I grabbed his wrists quickly.

“We aren’t married. I’m not your wife.” I said sharply and I felt him go still behind me.

“Shut your mouth and play along like a good girl.” He said quietly. He shook my hands off, moving to undo the buttons again.

Not sure what he expected, I stayed perfectly still as he hummed, pressing soft feather light kisses down my jaw and past my shoulders. His hands stroked up and down my arm as he laughed .

“Did you miss me Elena…..all these years…” He said quietly. “ Because I missed you. So much.”

He hugged me close, tight and hard.

“Are you scared?” He whispered, “ honey?”

“Oh, God…” I choked out, nausea rising up in my throat at the endearment.

“My wife…” He whispered, pressing a few more kisses against my skin before pushing me a bit towards the bed. “ Should I turn on the lights? I wanna see you.”

He nudged me towards the bed and my legs gave out when I hit the edge of it, legs turning to jelly as I sat on it, shaky and creeped out and terrified. Jungkook moved to turn on the lamp on the bedside table, a soft golden glow lighting up the bed .

“Look at you… so beautiful.” He whispered and I watched as he tugged off his shirt, before moving to his belt. He was watching me like I was something precious. Like I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“What are you doing?” I asked quietly and he smiled, running his fingers over the tattoos decorating his chest. He stopped at a large ornate tiger lily, inscribed right over his heart.

“Do you like it?” he said softly. “ I got this for you. My Elena…. As delicate as a lily and as brave as a tiger.”

I stared at him in disbelief.

“Either fuck me or let me go, I’m not here to talk about-“

He slapped me, so hard that my head whipped to the side, my face feeling like it had caught fire. I gasped, the pain spreading all over my jaw and I couldn’t quite grasp what had just happened. I pressed shaky fingers to the throbbing skin near my mouth, eyes watering at the sting.

“Didn’t I tell you to play along, angel?” He whispered sharply and I closed my eyes , shuddering.

Play along. Do it if you want to get out of here alive. ‘

Fucking psychopath.

“ It’s beautiful, Jungkook.” I whispered softly, glancing at him with teary eyes. He nodded.

“We’ll get one for you too. A wolf. With the initials JK on it…. Right here…” He lightly traced a path over my collarbone and I hoped to God, this was some sick fantasy. That he wasn’t seriously considering tattooing his initials on me.

“Strip for me baby… All of it. I want to see you.” He whispered and I hesitated just long enough to take a deep breath. I reached back, quickly undoing my bra clasp and pulling the fabric off.  I hooked my thumbs into my skirt and my panties, tugging both of them off me, swiftly. I dropped all of it on the floor next to the bed, before moving to kneel in the middle of the bed, staring at him with a smile that felt physically painful.

“I’m going to make you feel good, baby.” He whispered quietly, crawling over on top of me.

“Lay down for me.” He said, and I felt repulsed, as he kissed my lips, soft and gentle, pressing in till I was flat on my back, legs parted so he could lie in between.

It was so different from last time and somehow ten times worse.

Jungkook pressed kisses all over my face, whispering gentle words against my skin that felt like acid.

“So beautiful…. Mine. You were always mine Elena. Mine to touch and mine to break . Mine to love and mine to fuck.”

I stared as he loomed over, his face inches from mine, his gaze deceptively affectionate, his eyes warm and almost soft. I watched as he came closer, his lips closing over mine. Instinctively I kept my lips together but his fingers curled around my thigh, squeezing hard enough to make me whimper, lips parting . He pressed his tongue in then , licking into my mouth and I brought my hands up, instinctively wrapping around the bare skin of his shoulders and my body thrummed at the feeling of his muscles under my fingers.

Curiosity made me foolish, and I found myself tracing the hills and valleys of his skin, fascinated by the way the muscles flexed, every time he moved his arm.

“You like that? I worked hard on those…” He chuckled, watching me curl my fingers around his biceps. He was so… big. I moved my fingers up to the hardness of his chest, splaying my palm on his pecs and my fingers caught a hard little scar, almost perfectly round and deep.

“What is this…” I asked , curious my finger dipping into the healed skin and he hummed.

“Your father . He shot me when I was chasing his car down in Jeju Do. Foolish bastard. Thought he could outrun me.” He laughed .

I glanced at him, catching his eyes and the ebbing laughter , my heart twisting.

“Then why am I here? You hate my father. You killed my entire family. So why am I here, Jungkook?”  I asked foolishly, my heart breaking a bit and he hesitated.

“Because you’re mine.” He said simply.

I closed my eyes in despair.

“If this was our wedding night…. What would you say…?” He asked suddenly.

I stared at him, confused.

“What?”

“If we got married back then… When you were eighteen. And it was our first night together….. what would you say?”

I sighed.

“I’d ask you to ….to be gentle.” I whispered.

He nodded.

“Tell me , then.”

I stared at him, feeling helpless.

“Go on, Elena.” He said again.

“Jungkook…” I began but he shook his head.

“Ggukkie.” He said softly. “ Call me GGukkie… That’s what you used to call me …when we were young.”

I clenched my fists, on his chest, resisting the urge to push him off. That wouldn’t end well for me.

“GGukkie…” I whispered, finally, glancing up at him, licking my lips and parting them gently, eyes as wide as they could go, “ you know its my first time right?”

Jungkook’s eyes fairly danced at that and he hummed, leaning closer.

“Is it, baby?” He asked, reaching up to brush my hair away, fingers gentle on my face.

Get into it. Get into it and get it over with.

“You know it is…” I pouted, “ No one else can touch me. I’m yours , aren’t I GGukkie…”

He laughed, rubbing his nose against mine.

“That you are, kitten.”

Kitten? That’s a new one.

Shut up and stay in character , fuck.

I was so fucking screwed.

“ So… will you be gentle?” I whispered , “ I don’t want it to hurt.”

Jungkook wrapped his arms around me rolling over and taking me with him till I was lying flat on top of him.

“Then how about this angel? You can ride me…. As slow and gentle as you like. Make yourself feel good on my cock, yeah….?”

I stared at him.

I’m gonna fuck you and you’re going to do all the work.

He’d played me like a fiddle.

“Well baby? Go on…. Take my pants off.”

I exhaled angrily, before moving down, to tug on his pants. He helped me take them off kicking off his boxer briefs as well.

That’s a beautiful dick. Objectively. Very pretty.

Shut the fuck up.

“ Get it wet for me baby….” He said softly. I glanced down at the hard length of it, jutting out of the small thatch of hair and felt my mouth go dry . Which would be counterproductive if I wanted to get it wet. So I swirled my tongue around my mouth, trying to get my mouth moist, before leaning down and carefully wrapping my lips around the head.

Fuck, he tastes good.

I shook my head a bit to clear the voice in my head, glancing up at him with my lips stretched around the soft pink head and he was looking right back at me, eyes heavy and dark .

“Go on baby, take more of it in, use your tongue…make me feel good.”

I closed my eyes, letting the spit coat the hard length of his cock, sinking down till the tip began to inch down my throat. I sucked lightly, running my tongues back and forth on whatever skin I could touch and it was like sucking a lollipop except the lollipop was thick enough to stretch my mouth wide and hit the back of my throat.

I felt his hand reach into my hair, gripping hard and I whimpered.

“Be gentle…” I whispered, pulling off and his eyebrows shot up , clearly in surprise . He stared at me for a second, as though considering my request and then his fingers loosened , threading through the strands soothingly.

“I’m sorry, baby.” He whispered . I went back to sucking him off, somehow my natural tendency to work hard making me bob up and down, using my tongue and taking him as deep as I could. I felt a sick sort of satisfaction when he moaned in pleasure and for some damn reason I wanted to draw more sounds out of him.

This is a dream. Either that or you tripped over a pothole and fell into another dimension.

“ Are you wet ? Come here, so I can check….” Jungkook said softly and I pulled off moving up to straddle his hips. I flinched when he reached down, tracing my slit with carefully fingers before slipping in two. I tightened against the intrusion, still sore on the inside and he pulled his fingers out, bringing them up to my mouth.

“Suck…and get them nice and wet if you don’t want it to hurt.” He said quietly and I wrapped my lips around his fingers, letting my spit coat the slender digits.

When he pushed them back into me, the slide was easier , wetter and I gripped his shoulders, trying to relax around him. It felt foreign but also good… I felt good…

I stared down at him, the broad muscled body and the handsome face and for a crazy moment I imagine what it would have been, if I had married him. Would it have been this….this… weird pleasure that was somehow both painful and exhilarating at the same time. I bit my lips as he curled his fingers inside me, rubbing at some spot high up inside me that sent heat shooting straight up my spine, slick dripping out of me and onto the hard planes of his stomach like honey from a comb.

“Now sit on my cock.” He said quietly. I trembled, reaching down to lightly grip his cock, moving till the head lined up right against my slit or where I thought my slit was. Biting my lips, I lowered my body, feeling my body cleave to let him in, his cock pressing in and in and in.

My knees gave out and I slid down the length of him, the sudden, incredible fullness knocking the breath right out of me.

“ Fuck…baby….you alright?” He whispered and it messed with my head, the way he actually looked concerned and worried and I couldn’t take anymore of it.

“Please… Please… I just… I want to go home…” I whimpered, feeling full and stretched out, my thighs trembling and my insides wet and warm and somehow stuck between wanting more and wanting it to end.

Jungkook grunted, fingers curling over both my hips and lifting me lightly and with ease.

“Come on baby…. Ride me….” He whispered, “ Put your hands on my chest and roll your hips, up and down .”

I did as he said, one hand braced against his chest, the other gripping his shoulder as I tried to move on him but it was hopeless. I had no energy or inclination to do this and the pleasure was fast ebbing into frustration. Jungkook seemed to sense it because he growled.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking bad at this… Fine… Just lay there and let me use that stupid cunt of yours.” He snapped,  gripping my waist and folding his knees just enough to brace his feet on the bed. I gasped as I got lifted a bit , his cock slipping in impossibly deeper , the tip nudging close to my cervix , the lightest brush of it send sharp jolts of electric pain pleasure up my spine.

“Oh fuck,..” I breathed as he pistoned into me, hips hitting my ass with brutal force as he fucked up into me and I could only tremble, eyes fluttering shut, fingers going numb from how hard I was gripping him.

“You’re gonna cum today… I’m gonna make you cum on my cock…” He growled, reaching down and pressing his thumb against my clit, rubbing softly, slow circles that were almost gentle compared to the brutal pounding oh his hips and I felt my mouth go slack, wetness slipping out of my tongue and dripping down my chin because of how excruciatingly good it felt, having him so deep, pressing in against the edge of my womb and I and to press my palm, right up against my belly , stunned because of how my body seemed to open and shift to make room for him.

“I’m gonna cum inside you, right inside your womb, fuck…. Gonna carry my babies for me, right sweetheart? Gonna watch you get round and full with my seed , watch you drip milk all over me with those beautiful tits….fuck…”

The shock of his words sent me over the edge, my body clenching down on him as I came, my orgasm so strong that I felt like I was cramping up on the inside and I toppled forward onto him, landing on his chest and bouncing a bit. Jungkook grunted a little, wrapping both his arms around me, holding close as he fucked me right through the aftershocks, body stilling only when I stopped shuddering and I felt warm wetness spill inside me, so deep that I knew I would have to swallow three morning after pills after this, although I was on birth control.

Because one could never be too sure with these things.

Jungkook stayed still under me and it took me a few seconds to catch my breath. I finally levered myself off of him, legs shaking as I rolled over and onto the bed before breathing in huge lungfuls of air.

“Can I go?” I choked out.

Jungkook grunted. “ Get the fuck out of here.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I stumbled out of the cab, exhausted and out of my mind with self loathing, I didn’t expect to see Hoseok sitting on the pavement outside the bakery, leaning against a streetlight, face warm but determined.

“Hobi?” I asked stunned. “ What are you-“

He cut me off with a kiss.

I stared wide eyed as he pulled me into an embrace, wrapping me in warmth and scent of his cologne, his hands impossibly gentle around me as he all but cradled me against his body, his lips moving gently against mine.

“Elena…” He breathed against my lips, eyes glinting . “ I love you. I’ve been in love with you for years. I’m so fucking sorry for being such a coward but you deserve to know… you deserve to know how I feel about you.”

I stared at him in disbelief, my heart pounding as I punched his chest in desperation.

“No… No fuck you… what are you doing…. He’ll kill you…” I hissed and he tightened his arms around me.

“I don’t care.” He hissed. “ I don’t… I can’t just… I can’t let him hurt you like this. I won’t. I’m going to tell him. I’m going to tell him to let you go or lose our friendship.” He said angrily and I trembled.  

My heart raced because Hoseok was the only one I’d ever loved. In every way a girl could love a boy. He was and had always been this confusing breed of brother and friend while everyone had drooled after Jeon Jungkook , I’d always been drawn to him…drawn to his quiet strength and to the way he had always treated me as an equal…

But… but Jungkook…. Jungkook who would put a bullet in his brain without a thought if he thought that Hoseok was trying to move in on something that belonged to him…..

“Hoseok…just… Don’t. I… I love you too…” I breathed out, tired and scared and so fucking worried because what if someone was listening even now..what if word got to Jungkook and he tried to hurt ….i couldn’t even think it.

“Come find me when Jungkook is busy . When he can’t find us…” I said softly, reaching out and pressing my palm against his face.

“I’m not scared of him.” Hoseok growled  and it was ridiculous.  

“But I’m scared of losing you. “ I said quickly. “ We can’t… He can’t know. Ever.”

Hoseok nodded before pulling me close again.

“Was he too rough?” He whispered and I blinked, flushing. I shook my head.

“No.. I. No. I think…”

“I hate that he was the one to touch you, first. You.. You deserve to know how good it can be…. How gentle.. I want to… fuck…” He shook his head pulling away and I wrapped my arms around myself.

“We can’t…” I said quietly. “ you know we can’t.”

He glanced at me, eyes blazing and lips parted and I groaned.

“Don’t look at me like that Hobi…” I whispered, shaking my head.

“Tomorrow. He’s going to Jeju Do , to inspect a new resort. He won’t be back till the day after. Call in sick at work.” He said quietly and I bit my lips, feeling a bit like a whole idiot.

I nodded.

He reached forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

No self preservation skills at all, I thought miserably.  

If Jungkook found out…….

Author’s Note : I’ll add the taglist here tomorrow

#bts smut #bts fanfics #bts fics #bts #jungkook smut #jungkook #bts scenarios #jungkook fics #bts fanfic

[therealieblog]

Gentle Nutrition

Intuitive Eating involves giving oneself full permission to eat. That means that all foods fit, and that you should not deprive yourself of anything (outside of food that actively hurts your body or that you have an allergy to). 

Rather than resulting in an all out binge, this actually causes most people to develop a more healthy, measured relationship with food. People find that they grow tired of snack foods they thought were little more than evil temptations or intense addictions. They start to truly relax around the idea that they can eat what they want, and therefore, don’t need to feel panicky or restrictive about what they’re eating.

This is not, as many people assume, some sort of free for all headlong binge. Intuitive Eating promotes conscious, mindful eating. Putting aside the tv and the cell phone and paying attention to the flavor of the food. Getting in tune with the signals coming from your body that indicate hunger and fullness. Once this is practiced enough, people learn to recognize when they’ve had enough and to naturally stop eating, rather than enforcing a stop due to diet beliefs. 

Gentle nutrition is usually recommended very late in the Intuitive Eating journey, and so if anyone reading this is just starting out, I would skip this post and will put the rest behind a spoiler. Feel free to come back when you feel more comfortable with food and eating. 

Gentle Nutrition is about making choices that will help your body, but not from within the strict structure of a diet mentality. I’ll provide some examples below. 

Example 1: I am extremely hungry. I forgot to bring food with me to work for lunch, and did a physical job all day, and now I’m starving. I have meat and vegetables and potatoes and rice in the refrigerator to make myself a full meal, but my eyes settle on the large bag of chips on the counter instead. 

Now of course I’ll be tempted to eat the chips. But if I start eating a large bag of chips while ravenously hungry, chances are I’ll eat the whole bag, which will leave me feeling sick and uncomfortable. A choice based in Gentle Nutrition would be to make myself a burger and some veggies for dinner and have the chips as a side. I can still eat all the chips I want. I am not avoiding the chips, nor am I counting out a single serving and only allowing myself that much. I am simply acknowledging that eating a bag of chips for dinner is not nutritionally sound and likely to make me feel like crap. 

Example 2: 

My doctor tells me I have a vitamin C deficiency. She suggests I take a supplement and get more fresh fruit into my daily food intake. A diet mentality health professional would probably recommend that I use the fruit to replace things like cake and ice cream. 

Instead, I take the supplement, then add a pile of fresh berries to my morning cereal. After dinner, I add more berries to my ice cream. I want ice cream, so I don’t cut it out. If I find that I’m hungry between meals, I snack on red pepper slices because they’re high in vitamin C, but I add nuts and chips and pretzels to the snack rotation too, because I personally find fresh veggie slices kind of dull. I can dip them in blue cheese or ranch dressing to make them even more interesting. 

Example 3:

I drink two or three diet cokes during the day. This gives me a headache and leaves me dehydrated. Instead of cutting diet coke out of my day completely, I drink a glass of water with every coke, so I stay hydrated. 

Example 4: 

I ate dinner, but I’m still a little peckish. I see that there’s a package of my favorite cookies in the cabinet. I put some peanut butter in a bowl and dip my cookies in it, thereby providing myself with protein and a more vitamin rich/nutrient dense food to help fill me up. 

These are all choices that avoid cutting foods and amounts of foods out of one’s daily intake, but that also provide better nutrition. I don’t like ice cream all that much and don’t drink soda, but I used them as examples I’ve run into with many people when they struggle with nutrition. 

I am not a doctor, and if you have an active eating disorder, please see an IE aware/anti-diet dietitian for help. 

#gentle nutrition #intuitive eating #diet mentality #diet culture #disordered eating #food

[goldentournesol]

to be true, to not be true (part 1)

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: early in y/n’s and spencer’s relationship, y/n fears the growing distance between them, although what seemed to be possible infidelity, is actually much worse–for spencer.

Length: 2.9k

A/N: i wrote this in collaboration with one of my favorite writers on here, Mia over at @mggpleasedontlookhere​. She is so wonderful and hopefully you can see both of our writing styles here! 

masterlist

The sunlight streaming through the windows made the hairs on my skin dance in glee, although it was the soft breeze invading the space that contrasted the radiant warmth. An equilibrium was achieved–a needed balance. The same can be said about the nerves crawling about my stomach and the naive excitement that made me light-headed whenever I was around Spencer. I glanced up at him from where my head lay in his lap. The reflected glow from the TV danced across his features making my heart jolt. My stare caught his attention and he sent me a small smile, his hand leaving traces in my hair. It was his day off and I had no problem spending it in suffocating proximity with him.

“This is nice,” I breathed, leaning back into his soft touch. He hummed in response, almost in contentment, if not for the moment his eyes seemed far off, entangled in a distant thought. It was so brief, I might have missed it. His job took a lot from him and I knew that, which is why I never pushed him. Instead, I let the subtle aroma of morning coffee and fresh linen confine my senses, leaving me oblivious to reality.

Although not a few moments later, the ping from Spencer’s phone burst the fantastical bubble that surrounded us. My eyes lingered on the cartoon characters plastered on the screen but I couldn’t help noticing the way Spencer’s fingers would thump rhythmically against the floor. Adjacent to his palm, rested his phone, revealing several notifications as it came alive. Albeit I paid no mind to their context given I was enamored by the picture of me on his homescreen. A faint smile graced my lips at the observation, feeling a wave of warmth rush my cheeks.

“I wonder who that is,” I teased, referring to the image. Spencer must have misunderstood my point of reference, hastily explaining that new language that Morgan had introduced him to through text messages.

“Spencer, using emojis does not constitute a new language.”

“Considering its context, I would argue it is–I mean look at hieroglyphics!” I covered my face in amusement, running my hands over my eyes. A sharp exhale left my lungs as my chest filled with contagious giggles. It seems that I was too consumed in my fit of laughter to notice Spencer stealthily concealing the device and turning off his ringer.

“First of all, hieroglyphics is a formal writing system-”

“And does that not ‘constitute’ a portion of language? Also, isn’t texting a writing system in itself?” His lips formed into a sly smirk, thinking he’d gotten the best of me.

“You’re right in the way that hieroglyphics is part of the language, however it’s all but the ‘expression’ of that language.” I debated, gesturing to the air as I explained my point. For a moment our eyes met, and I could feel my playful resolve melt away under his gaze. Despite the pause in my confidence, my stubbornness shone through.

“All I heard was that I was right,” he jested, tickling the side of my waist. I jumped at his mischief, collapsing into pleas and begs as he continued his assault at my skin. My stomach churned in delight as my hands attempted to pry him off of me, the premise of our conversation vanishing into air like wisps of smoke.

-

Spencer’s days off were becoming increasingly rare, I’d barely seen him in the last two weeks, but we’ve managed to salvage enough time between cases for a date. The excitement buzzed through my veins as the clock ticked closer to 7 pm. I was growing restless in the apartment, obsessively checking my phone for the time. Spencer is usually right on time, if not early. Dread and anxiety clogged up my throat as I waited for him. For hours, call after call would be sent straight to voicemail. The weather outside seemed to be in tandem with the way I felt. The rain was as unforgiving as the tears that striped my face.

I was never one to hold a grudge. But it happened once, then it happened twice. Slowly, it became a habit and it was impossible to reach him.

I guess date nights on Thursdays were now obsolete.

He came over to my apartment maybe once whenever he was in town and even then he was nearly unrecognizable. His shy, loving demeanor was replaced by explosive irritability and general unease. I wished he’d just talk to me, but he continued to brush me off. He was being distant and strange, his behavior was so unlike him. Knowing him though, he was probably too stressed or busy to get around to doing simple tasks like eating a balanced meal. Spencer can be quite scatterbrained, and I hadn’t seen him in around a week. So, around lunch time, I made Spencer a healthy meal packed with proteins and veggies and decided to pop into the BAU and drop it off. It felt like a good way to cheer him up. Maybe we’d have lunch together at the park he always liked to visit. It wasn’t that far from headquarters. Hell, I’d even eat lunch with him at his desk at this point.

The walk into the BAU was strangely nerve wracking, I could feel my heart in my throat. I had an uneasy feeling in my gut but I took a deep breath and pushed the heavy glass doors open. My eyes scanned the bullpen for my boyfriend but I couldn’t find him. Standing there in confusion, I was only snapped out of my trance when someone bumped into me from behind.

“I’m so sorry–oh, it’s you! Hey Y/N, what are you doing here?” JJ said, closing the file she held in her hands and wrapping me in a one-armed hug.

“Hey JJ! I was looking for Spence, I got him lunch, but I can’t seem to find him anywhere? Do you know where he is?” I said as I pulled back from the hug, she began to say something but was interrupted.

“Woah hey, sunshine! I was wondering why it suddenly got so bright in here.” The deep voice of none other than Derek Morgan came from beside us and he was, of course, donning his signature cheeky grin. I couldn’t help but grin back, even though my chest was nearly caving in on itself.

“Did Spence come in today?” JJ asked Morgan, whose brows immediately furrowed.

“No, I haven’t seen him today. I think he might be coming in late, I’m not sure. He’s been kind of off, lately.” Morgan said, eyes searching my own for an answer.

“He has, hasn’t he?” I exclaimed and the two nodded in agreement, “I’ve been worried about him, maybe all that emoji-talk finally got to him.” I laughed slightly, but stopped when I found Morgan’s expression shift.

“What do you mean? I stopped trying to explain emojis to him like months ago, if the genius doesn’t get it, he doesn’t get it.” Morgan shrugged, unknowingly allowing the literal caving in of my chest to take place. JJ noticed the change in me immediately.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” She asked in her usual caring manner, but I could barely hear her over the rushing of my blood in my ears.

“Nothing, nothing. Um, if he comes in today, can you just give him this?” I dismissed the conversation and handed over the brown bag with the lunch I made, disguising the sharp exhale that left my lungs. Before JJ had the opportunity to utilize her profiling skills, I gave both of them a cordial nod and left the office.

My steps felt heavier with every collision against the tile, albeit the loud thumping of my heart drowned out reality around me. My mind warped itself around irrational thoughts as my loyalty to Spencer attempted to retaliate against the invaders. The concept of Spencer as dubious and sly fell foreign to me. However, that lack of knowledge only added fuel to the imminent blaze that engulfed my head and stomach.

I swarmed with alternate realities, trying to make sense of the unknown. If Spencer was aware of my method of defining a solution, I would’ve been scolded by my naivety and illogical thinking. Oh to be a scientist–to have a mind like his. It’s a gift yet a heavy burden to carry. Is that it? Was that it? Does he not believe I’m capable of understanding a mind like his? Was I stupid? No. He had shared intimate momentos of his life before, so what was it? What can I not offer…What can I not promise to make him drift away like this?

It must have been me, right? I must’ve hit a boundary the last time we spoke! Or was it his work? No. By the time my thoughts stopped buzzing, I realized my feet carried me to the park I intended to visit earlier with Spencer. An unfamiliar pang hit my chest, sending reverbing waves throughout the cavity. A sort of ache rested in the core of my heart–something I didn’t think I would feel when reflecting on my relationship with Spencer–my Spencer. I guess I was so used to the warm bubble he fabricated that I forgot how cold the real world was.

Was that it? Did I stop being that for him too?

The thought of the slow degradation of our relationship sent a chilling shock through my veins while I swallowed pins and needles. My hand rested on a park bench next to me, letting myself use the wooden beams as support. Looking out into the far pond in the center of the park, I pulled myself to take a seat. The wind began to whistle through the trees, and the lake of glitter–the nickname I gave whenever the sun casted its glow onto the surface–lost all of its beauty. Crickets didn’t even dare to sing their usual melody and birds flew south to their homes. The breaths I took kept going nowhere, dissolving into nothing even though my chest expanded and retracted.

I pulled at the ends of my sleeves, tucking my knees into my chest as the air grew crisp. Questions of infidelity and unfounded justifications collided creating a mass of insatiable curiosity. My head coincided with entropy–it enjoyed the chaos–until suddenly it went blank. Every tether that kept me grounded vanished, my consciousness going into autopilot. I didn’t even realize the burn that resided in my eyelids or the wet streaks coating my cheeks–maybe from the dryness or something more. It was only the small drop of water landed on the back of my palm that pushed me out of the addicting trance.

Another one had landed on my forehead. And another one. And another one. I cringed as I felt the water drip from my head to the crevice of my ear. The clouds began to rumble a somber tune as it began to rain. Plucking myself from the bench, I made no hurry to make it back to the house. In a way, the droplets cascading the skin distracted me–seemingly blissful compared to the former events.

Once again, my feet held a prominent consciousness as it was the only part of me that was stable, leading me to the doorstep of my apartment complex. With what felt like a last ditch effort, I checked my phone for any new messages from Spencer. My heart lurched seeing a new notification pop up. To my surprise, it was from him.

With a deep breath and newfound hope, I unlocked the device, taking a moment to gaze at the picture of I and Spencer on the screen, before proceeding. My shoulders dropped, the tight squirming in my stomach halting. A hopeful smile crept on the corners of my lips, the previous distrust dissipating from my unreliable mind as I read the words displayed in front of me.

“Date night tomorrow?”

-

Tomorrow night couldn’t come quick enough. It somehow felt like I was holding my breath the entire day until I finally saw him. He was apologetic and sweet enough that it quieted my anxieties for a while. If he held any guilt or shame, it wasn’t apparent, or maybe he hid it well. Or maybe I was being ridiculous and reading far too much into things that could be circumstantial. But this was Spencer…my Spencer, the tenderhearted, gentle soul who made way too many corny physics jokes.

Dinner went by much smoother than I expected, but I still felt like there were things unsaid. The words felt lodged in my throat, almost like an itch I couldn’t reach. Either by mindless habit or by sheer deliberacy, we ended up in our favorite park. The very park that I found myself running to in a fit of frustration yesterday. Our feet seemed to know the way of our usual path along the pavement. I wondered briefly if there was a place I stepped in twice without noticing it. There was a lull in conversation and before I realized it, the words escaped me stealthily.

“Hey, Spence?” I started, and he took his attention off his shoes to look at me, “I, uh, I wanted to talk to you about something.” The way the words stumbled ungracefully from my lips had me cringing. He lifted a brow in intrigue and caught my eye, silently profiling me and my nervous behavior.

“Anything, love.” The use of the amorous term caught me off guard and I had to swallow under his intense gaze. I felt myself open my mouth, but the words died on my tongue as the blaring of his ringtone took the place of my voice between us. It was almost as if the scratchy melody startled him because the way he snatched himself away from me to look at his phone was worrisome.

His brows bunched together as he took a look at it, “I’m sorry, I have to take this.”

Without waiting for my confirmation, he pressed the phone to his ear and took a few large steps away from me, as if the space would give him more privacy. I suddenly felt extremely exposed without him by my side.

The emptiness beside me lingered of his scent, almost mocking me, the words constricting my tongue. If I had a second longer, maybe the phone call would’ve been obsolete, maybe for the first time in a long time he would’ve been selfishly mine, even for another moment. I found myself suffocating in the same place I was yesterday like some poetic injustice. Perhaps I’m just a marionette, dangling from loose strings as the universe had their way with me. Frankly that would be less upsetting than watching Spencer slip through my fingers, knowing that it was possibly me who sealed that fate, and not some otherworldly being. It would’ve been my doing, and that’s something I’m not yet ready to realize.

Maybe it was my undying curiosity or growing twinge in my chest every second passed that led me to consult the moral figures weighing down my shoulders. At two opposing extremes, they debated the right course of action–or if doing the right thing was even the course of action to consider. Surprisingly in the end, it was my impulsivity that answered for me, wasting no time to stipulate consequences.

I shook off the twisting feeling in my stomach, pushing myself off in Spencer’s direction. I kept justifying my actions by telling myself that all I would be doing is checking on him, although the underlying motive was nothing under disguise. I whispered the same mantra to myself with every inch closer. I gritted my teeth as the antsy sensation traveled to my shoulders, slowing my steps to contemplate my reasoning.

What am I doing? A harsh exhale of detest left my lungs, leaving a light yet deserved burn in my esophagus. It seemed incredulous to me that I was willing to eavesdrop on my own boyfriend, although it didn’t seem like that minutes ago. I bit the inside of my cheek in shame, turning myself around.

Has this all been in my head? No, it can’t. Then why would he lie? He wouldn’t, but he did. Confusion set deep within me, however it was my guilt that left an everlasting mark. Maybe Spencer had his reasons, he would never deliberately fib–at least the Spencer I knew would never. But what if that’s it? Did I really know Spencer that well? The world around me closed in rapidly, my senses overwhelmed. Did I make him lie? It would make sense considering my recent possessiveness. Did he see that? Did I drive him away?

I bit down on my bottom lip, threatening to break the skin. I ran my hand through my hair several times, taking a few calming breaths to compose myself. No, I can’t think like that. This is Spencer, he’s my Spe–no, maybe he never was mine?

Unable to contain my contradicting thoughts any longer, I shifted around with a newfound determination. Pushing the bile building up at the bottom of my stomach, I prepared to march my way to him. My body set aflame with feigned confidence, hopefully enough to fuel the overpowering desire to know the truth.

To know whether the truth actually lied in the irrationality of my mind

To know whether the truth lied in the coarseness of my behavior.

To know whether the truth  lied in the prospects of Spencer’s job.  

To know whether the truth-

“I guess I’ll see you on Thursday!” Spencer smiled with endearment–a smile I thought was reserved for me. “It’s a date…”

To know whether the truth was that he was no longer mine.

part 2  feedback is always appreciated!

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #Spencer Reid fic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid angst #spencer reid masterlist #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid one shot #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #cm #mia <3

[kuronanox]

Bad Dream - Kira Izuru

Kira looks down at the paperwork in defeat as he groans and tried to reorganize them. The wind from the window was gusting everywhere causing them to fall on the floor.

Shuffling noises were in the background as he cursed under his breath.

A small feminine hand had reached over his as Kira eyes looked up to meet (Your Name).

"Need some help Kira Fukutaicho." She asks him as he looks down at the papers again.

"Did you need something?"

"I came to turn in some papers! I've been feeling under the weather."

He props the papers on the desk to even them out and turns to her. "If you don't feel good, get some more rest (Your Name)."

She shakes her head and hands him her work. "I can't let you run the Squad all alone."

Kira slightly smiles at her as he gave his attention back to his work.

She took in his features and noticed how much he didn't smile anymore, during the academy days he was so innocent and cheerful. Growing up they were close but now it seems as she didn't know him anymore.

"Did you want to come over for dinner tonight?" She asks him as he looked up from the papers.

"Who's going?" He asked with curiosity, Kira didn't wanna intrude on her personal life especially when one of the reasons why he was feeling down was because of her relationship with Hisagi.

"Just me and Shuhei! But don't worry he won't mind! I think he kinda misses you." She winks as he wanted to frown.

"Don't you think it's weird?" He says a bit rudely not noticing his tone of language as her eyes widen from disbelief. Noticing her face sadden a bit he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it in that way. I'm actually behind on the Captains papers so I probably won't have time." He added.

"Well you don't have to do it alone! Shuhei is in the same position so maybe you guys could do it together and we can all drink a bit! I'll even invite Matsumoto Fukutaicho if it lightens the mood!"

Kira didn't want to be in the same room as (Your Name) and Shuhei. He tried to think anyway possible to escape tonight but she seemed on insisting he come out.

"I guess, what time tonight?"

"Around 8! I'll cook dinner!" She says with a smile on her face as she ran out happily.

Knowing it made her happy that he was coming out was okay with Kira even though he wasn't in the mood to socialize.

"Kira?" Shuhei asks with a smile as he got back from work while leaning his zanpakuto on the wall.

"Yes! He's seems down a lot recently so I thought inviting him to dinner would be a good way to have fun, oh Matsumoto is coming too!" (Your Name) said as she pulled out some veggies and protein out from the fridge.

Shuhei wrapped his arms around her body as he kissed her temple as she smiled while cutting the broccoli.

"That was nice of you, I've been worried about him." He tells her letting go and washing his hands to help prep with dinner.

"And I've been worry about you." (Your Name) states to Shuhei as he raises a brow and started to wash the rice.

There was a knock on the door before he could say anything.

"Hey we're here! Open up!" Rangiku cheerful voice rang around from outside as Kira was standing behind her with a tired expression.

"Hey! We just got started on dinner! Come on in!" (Your Name) welcomes them into her and Shuhei shared home.

It was Kira first time here, he took in the view. There was nothing really special that stood out to him except a few decor and a guitar in the living room. There was a few picture frame of the couple as they smiled to each other.

There was jealousy in the blonde lieutenant as he looked away from them and set a bottle of sake down he brought.

"Kira! Finally see you've been out of your own quarantine!" Shuhei greets him and pats him on the back.

"Slightly busy that's all." He tells the older man and smiles.

Rangiku sat down and cracked a sake open while they waited for dinner. She was in a cheerful mood today. "Oi we haven't been able to drink together in a while!" She tells Kira as he chuckles and gets himself a small cup.

"Likewise."

As him and Rangiku took small talk he could see in his peripheral version Shuhei and (Your Name) happily cooking together. There was small kisses stolen from each other as they were in sync.

"Dinner is served!" Shuhei yells placing down the rice, salmon and veggies along with miso soup to wash it down.

"Wow a chef in the house." Rangiku says as they all dug in.

"You guys started without us!" (Your Name) pouts noticing that two bottles of sake were already empty from Kira and the busty women sitting next to him.

"Ooo sorry that means y'all have to catch up!" She says as they poured themselves a cup.

Kira slightly smiles at (Your Name) cuteness as he took a bite of the fresh cooked fish. A part of him was thankful that it wasn't them three alone. He already didn't wanna talk much but the alcohol was kicking in and he was also thankful rangiku was there.

He didn't notice how hungry he was till a pair of chopsticks had put down a new piece of salmon in his bowl nonchalantly. It was (Your Name) as she was conversing with Rangiku about their new beauty routine with Shuhei listening and putting his input.

It felt like he was in the academy again, when he forgot to eat or wasn't eating enough (Your Name) was always feeding him and taking care of his health. The lieutenant knew she brought him out tonight so he could enjoy himself more.

"Thank you." He says as her flushed face smiles at him and went back to her conversation.

He blushed but it wasn't noticeable because of all the alcohol he already consumed.

"Kira you are particularly quiet for being drunk already!" Rangiku chimes in as he was lost for words.

"I- I am not drunk!"

"Sure you are! You finished 3 bottles alone already!" Shuhei laughs as he just groaned.

It was later in the night when it started to get rowdy, they all had a few to many as they were shouting to each other.

They were playing card games and gotten into it. They decided ride the bus because apparently kisuke had showed Rangiku a while back when she was in the human world. He told her it was a drinking game a lot of college students were doing so she wanted to hop on the trend.

"Kira you're on the bus so you have to keep drinking till you get these cards right!" She said as he took sips of the beer they had brought out for back up.

As he was drinking (Your Name) and Shuhei were cleaning a bit since it was getting messy.

Him and Rangiku were having to much fun that Shuhei retired for the because he had an early morning but he insisted on them staying and enjoying themselves.

By the time Kira won the card game he was sauced and couldn't walk in a straight line. He knew drinking with Rangiku was going to be a disaster.

"Did you want me to take him back?" He heard Rangiku ask (Your Name) as he was slumped on the table.

"It's okay, he can stay for the night. We work together anyways so I'll wake him up tomorrow." (Your Name) tells the older lady as she left for the night.

"Okay big boy, help me will ya." She tells Kira as she laid out a futon for him to sleep in comfortably.

He wrapped an arm around her waist as he walked towards the bed made on the floor. Tripping on his foot they fell over as she gasped.

"Kira you are crushing me!" She silently whispers so Shuhei wouldn't wake up from their shenanigans.

"Just let me hug you (Your Name)." He says breathlessly with his eyes closed. Kira wanted to enjoy this moment because he knew she could never be his.

"Kira?"

He looks down to her lips as she looked up to him innocently. A part of him didn't want to be the bad guy but what was so wrong with being bad once in a while.

He knew it was the alcohol bringing out everything he was holding in, he was going to regret his actions the next morning. Cupping her face he kissed her parted lips. It didn't help that she wrapped her legs around his waist as he groaned. Letting his tongue slip into her mouth.

She flipped him over so she sat on top, just when things were beginning to get spicy he opened his eyes and.

"KIRA IZURU! You wake up this instant now!" He heard a voice called out as he jumped out of bed and looked to his side to see a concern (Your Name) next to him. She sighed in relief and pushed his hair out of the way from his face.

"Are you dating Hisagi San?!" He asks quickly out of breath as she tilted her head and slightly smacks his forehead.

"Ow!"

"Hello! What were you dreaming about? I'm dating you stupid." She says as he calmed down a bit and laughs rubbing the back of his neck.

"It was just a dream, thank goodness."

(Your Name) looked confused as she jumped on top of Kira and laid her head on his chest.

"Whatever it was Izuru I'm always going to be yours." She says as he laid back down and rubbed her back. He was cheesing to himself to know (Your Name) wasn't going anywhere.

"I know, it was just a dream." He says as she kissed his lower lip and grinned.

"I love you, you know that."

"Of course, I love you too, always."

(Authors note: just a cute fluff I made! Have y'all seen Kira now! He's making me simp! noooo I already have my bleach bias and he's breaking it!)

#bleach #tite kubo #bleach x reader #bleach imagines #bleach oneshot #bleach oneshots #kira izuru #izuru kira #bleach kira

[heroofpenamstan]

—OC PROFILES: JOANNE & MICHAEL

tagged by the lovelies: @shallow-gravy​, @shellibisshe​, @belorage​, @honeysides​, @strafethesesinners​, @faithchel​, @blissfulalchemist​! thank you, dears! x since i’m tragically late to the party as per usual, not going to be tagging anyone since i assume most of my mutuals have done it, but if you want to go right ahead and tag me too so i can see! :”)) also, fair warning: 80% of the questions i answered at ungodly hours overmedicated on paracetamol and it shows because re-reading this in the morning was a Yikes

GENERAL

name: joanne burton alias(es): jo, annie ( mike exclusive ), burton, dep, jr. deputy, rook, traitor, sinner, wrath/pain in the ass ( john exclusive ), rabbit ( jacob exclusive ), heinous fucking bitch—( also john exclusive ), black widow ( new dawn au ) gender: cis. female age: 29 birth: 30th october, 1988 place of birth: meridian, idaho spoken languages: english; may or may not recite some hebrew lines over the holidays sexual preference: bisexual occupation(s): junior deputy of hope county, montana/menace to all cultists everywhere ( in a certain radius of said hope county, montana, anyway )

APPEARANCE

eye colour: brown hair colour: black height: 157cm ( 5′2 ), or approximately 7′11 when balancing on michael’s shoulders to peer inside john’s windows scars: split right eyebrow ( thanks, jake ), minor cuts and incorrectly healed bruises and gashes, scarred bullet wound on left hip ( you’re welcome, jake )

FAVOURITE

colour: orange or yellow or cyan, or whatever is more stupidly eye-catching and not at all fit for her current environment song: i’ve been thinking by handsome boy modeling school food: various stir-fries, fruits and protein ( or anything that she claims to be “healthy” when, truly, bitch is one step away from living off of instant noodles and canned pineapple and cigarette buds from dutch’s stash ) drink: beerherbal teas and infusions

HAVE THEY

passed university: no, but passing the police academy was already a pleasant enough surprise for her had sex: today? no. two weeks ago? probably had sex in public: probably said two weeks ago gotten pregnant/ someone else pregnant: yes, but we don’t talk about it kissed a boy: yes ( derogatory ) kissed a girl: yes ( affectionate ) gotten tattoos: yes, loads: most were practice scribbles for her ex-girlfriend, and the only true meaningful one she possesses is lydia, scrawled into her pinky in remembrance. otherwise, john seed do not even engage with that rusty ass tattoo gun— gotten piercings: yes, loads multiplied; if there’s a place for a piercing in her ears, she has them. also, an old septum piercing she hasn’t worn in a hot second been in love: yes, loads squared ( girl rents out her heart on the weekdays and cries about the scratches she notices on saturday, but still repeats it all over again come monday; falling in love for her is easy, but actually loving someone and getting over her self-loathing to do so is a whole different ball game ) stayed up for more than 24 hours: she’s probably on hour 31 as we speak ( someone knock her out pls )

ARE THEY

a virgin: whitehorse has heard enough horror stories in the break room between her and joey to last him a lifetime a cuddler: closeted cuddler, yes a kisser: most definitely; woman has to play up her natural assets scared easily: her response time is too lagged for that jealous easily: depends; she’s more jealous of what she should have/could have/would have had in a general sense than being jealous of a particular person or a thing trustworthy: in her own way, yes dominant: disgustingly so submissive: not in this lifetime in love: very much so single: very much so part 2

RANDOM QUESTIONS (tw for self harm/suicide mention)

have they harmed themselves: yes, but it’s more by means of unintentional yet severe substance abuse thought of suicide: not as often as one would assume; joanne has a very strong sense of self-preservation, but tends to run from her bleak reality by means of one harmful way or the other attempted suicide: once or twice during her lowest points in life wanted to kill someone: on the daily have/had a job: girl had juggled three part-time jobs; there is nothing she fears anymore have any fears: ( see above ) to fall back into old bad habits, loss of control, death, failure, a bad future, poverty, being abandoned and forgotten, long stays at a hospital, the judges, the bliss, the power of john’s hair gel

FAMILY

sibling(s): micah burton ( older brother ) parent(s): abigail burton née belman ( mother ); jim burton ( father ) children: asher seed ( daughter in new dawn au ) significant other: jacob seed ( circumstantial lover/”could do without” mentor/#prisonwife #prisonhusband #imkidding #kinda ) pets: boomer for the cuddles, cheesecake for the throttles ( bitch naturally attracts the judges but will forget her dog 101 and run away like what does she think will happen then?? )

GENERAL

name: michael scott-hughes alias(es): mike, mikey, mickey ( mary may exlusive ), mike the bike/fall’s end’s bicycle, resistance’s poster boy, manwhore, cassanova, the archangel ( joseph exclusive ), the antichrist ( also joseph exclusive ), war dog, hughes boy ( fairgrave exclusive ) gender: cis. male age: 30 birth: 6th july, 1988 place of birth: fall’s end, montana spoken languages: english, russian, basic chinese mandarin and turkish sexual preference: pansexual occupation(s): residential shady, shady man ( international arm’s dealer, most recently demoted to local resistance leader and occasional general goods store co-owner )

APPEARANCE

eye colour: green hair colour: brown height: 181cm ( 5′11 ), and 6ft on tinder jkjk man’s confident enough to not grasp for that extra inch, unlike someone ( john ) scars: heavily burnt left hand ( from trying to fish out his ex girlfriend’s boiling corpse r.i.p. to that steaming puss— ), gash on his right temple, nicely healed gun wound on left shoulder, not so nicely healed amputated right hand ( man’s not having the best time in my canon, is he ), various incorrectly healed cuts and bruises

FAVOURITE

colour: green and rustics song: wild world by yusuf/cat stevens food: unlike the faker above, michael actually likes to cook and eat healthy meals, so anything from salads to veggies to oatmeal to soups will do ( and meat; man’s been a vegetarian for a grand total of 4 days in his entire life ( or 14, if you count the time he got abducted to john’s bunker womp )) drink: sugary drinkswhiskey, fresh juices, “water can be so, so sexy, annie—”

HAVE THEY

passed university: no, though michael really busted his ass to self-educate on subjects that will be beneficial to his line of work had sex: we stopped keeping tabs and numbers nearly ten years ago had sex in public: we stopped blinking at these types of shenanigans nearly ten years ago too gotten pregnant/ someone else pregnant: yes? no? maybe? ( mike’s too afraid to even think about it, but hopes he hasn’t fathered any babies any time soon ) kissed a boy: yes ( affectionate ) kissed a girl: yes ( affectionate² ) gotten tattoos: yes: the sword of damocles on his left inner forearm, intertwined snakes running across his right ribs, a tiny smiley face on his ass lord save him gotten piercings: yes, and everyone hated his attempt to revive the 90s with his lil earring like c’mon you already have a reputation of being a sleaze— been in love: yes, but surprisingly not as many times as one may think ( truthfully, three times: mary may, lana, joanne mary may again ) stayed up for more than 24 hours: sometimes it just cannot be helped

ARE THEY

a virgin: maybe in a past life as an amoeba a cuddler: yes ( try to escape his hold during a summer night i’ll give you 5 bucks if you can break the deadlock ) a kisser: he just exists to smooch at this point scared easily: truthfully, he’s quite desensitized as is, so it’s really hard to truly rock him jealous easily: no; though he might get a bit petty and bitter if someone mentions merle and mary may becuase, like, c’mon, mary—merle briggs? trustworthy: one of his better traits, but past events have shown that boy tends to lose some of his morals for love dominant: yes submissive: yes part 2 man will accommodate and switch it up in love: often single: loosely, often

RANDOM QUESTIONS (tw for self harm/suicide mention)

have they harmed themselves: michael has bad mental health trips stemming from having a lot of insecurities as a child; these may evolve into bad habits and pure recklessness on his part to prove his worth thought of suicide: these thoughts don’t come often, but when they do, it’s harder for him than most to shake them off and recover attempted suicide: once, during the boiling pit incident wanted to kill someone: yes, but it comes more from need than want usually have/had a job: yes, though no retail until he was 30 and stuck providing hope county with slugs and bullets have any fears: loneliness, rejection, abandonment, repercussions and consequences, not being good enough, powerlessness, loss, the angel pit, the process of dying

FAMILY

sibling(s): none, but: jackson hughes ( uncle ) parent(s): jessica hughes née scott ( mother ), david hughes ( father ) girl i have his whole family tree drawn up like you wouldn’t believe children: andrew hughes ( son in new dawn au and maybe canon ) significant other: mary may fairgrave ( childhood sweetheart/awkward ex/once in a rare cosmic event fuck buddy/volatile lovers ) pets: peaches loves him she doesn’t; she just wants to chew on his hair

#tag game #deputy joanne burton #michael s. hughes #oc: get to know jo #oc: build a bicycle #my stuff #far cry 5 oc