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prosciuttoon · 4 days

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Toshiro/Shuro is overhated

(mirror of my thread on twitter)

ever wanted to talk abt something so bad but u have so many thoughts so u cant even begin to organize a sentence. thats me abt shuro and its why i cant give my thoughts on him. i NEED to get this out of my system bc its takign up so much memory in my brain i need that space for thinking.

so i was really surprised to find so much hate for him even tho he seems pretty normal and rational out of the whole cast. ive deducted that its mostly abt his laios fight and that the ppl who hate him probably had bad experiences w social cues and relationships w neurotypicals bc of that. theres no way to avoid it bc its pretty much Right In Your Face that laios is ND. but thats not the only factor in why their relationship is rocky. its also the culture barrier. u have to understand toshiro was raised as JAPANESE NOBILITY ofc he would be a little conservative

also culture shock. idk if u know this but jp culture is very Mind Your Own Business like a lot of other asian cultures . ofc hes gonna be weirded out by a stranger invading his space. also his names not even Shuro. its just yt ppl not pronouncing his name right and settling for whats easiest.

img src: fan translation by savaralyn2 , i think its from the adventurers bible Complete Edition bc i dont remember it in the old one

ok you get the gist of the culture aspect of it. lets go into the ND/NT clash aspect of it. yes i understand its pretty hurtful to never be told when youre acting inappropriately. i am autistic too lmao. but you have to understand that shiro is one guy and he even does realize that repressing things is one of his fatal flaws. again. asian culture. non confrontational. that sorta thing. but these are genuine frustrations. if i were him id be annoyed too but id speak out about it. set boundaries. bc im blunt. shiros not. he was taught crazy strict manners (hierarchies, respect, politeness, etc).

his problem isnt ableism its a culmination of culture barriers, how he was raised to behave, and terrible lack of communication as thing caused by "all of the above" plus he just generally keeps to himself a lot which means repressing frustrations that will explode leading to a pathetic fistfight while hes starved, exhausted, and dehydrated. also. if he was ableist he would hate laios. he doesnt hate laios. at the end of the day, they are friends. NT and ND ppl can be friends u know. there will be rifts (like their fight) but you just have to communicate misunderstandings. theyre gonna be fine lol

anyways that was my whole spiel abt it. i think i got everything out that i wanted to? my head still feels a little full so i may add more later when i remember something

also i think its a little unfair to rule out the possibility of laios and him just being 2 very different kinds of ND bc its very common for misunderstandings to occur even then. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT BUT WE NEED TO COMMUNICATE TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER! but for the sake of interpreting the Fight as a commentary on NT social rules and ND frustration, ill say toshiros NT. will we ever know? hes so far in the sidelines... youd really have to dig in the extra content to see the intricacies of his character.... please give him a chance

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #toshiro nakamoto #shuro dungeon meshi

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liquidstar · 8 months

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i think something important we all have to remember about characters is that they are not real. but they are symbolic representations of types of humans. especially when you incorporate fantasy into the mix, where these representations become a bit less literal.

so, like, when you have characters that are immortal/ageless/reincarnations/vampires/whatever, who are, on paper, much older than they actually look... it really just comes down to "if they walk like a duck and talks like a duck, then it's probably a duck."

basically what i mean is if a character is functionally a teenager within a story, emotionally and societally and such, then for all intents and purposes they ARE a teenager. because the thing that they are coded to symbolize is a teenager. regardless of fantasy factors that dont exist in the real world. maybe the closest thing is someone who is an adult but looks young (i still get mistaken for 16, its a struggle) but thats a false equivalence, you are still an adult, you cant be coded as a teenager as if this was a story (though you can certainly be immature lol).

conversely, "1000 year old dragon lolis" are coded as children. they represent children. no matter how many spins you try to put on it, that is a symbolic representation of a child. there's a huge difference between the reality of an adult who just happens to look young, and the fantasy of a child who by some loophole can consent. because thats the intent the character was created with.

obviously im not saying this applies to ALL characters who are immortal children though. it can be used for all types of different effects, like, for example, pride in fullmetal alchemist mangahood uses this to enhance his Creepyness factor, due to the disconnect between his appearance and his demeanor. he walks like a duck but doesnt talk like a duck. there are for sure ways to do this trope that arent creepy in the other sense.

same thing goes for immortal teenagers- once you introduce a power imbalance into the mix that makes them functionally just an adult who looks young, thats when the dynamic can begin to feel creepy. and its a tricky thing to pull off, because you have to balance the immortality with the teenager-ness, and it seems like lots of life experience will often contradict the latter. but its not impossible (at least in writing). a character can be more knowledgeable without having power over the other, and i think it largely comes down to how theyre treated socially too. if they have just as much power as any other teenager in their society, then theres not really an imbalance. how theyre treated by other characters will inform the viewers on how to treat them by extension.

like, weird example, but the vampire girl from hotel transylvania (i forgot her name, i watched it when i was 12) is like 100 years older than her love interest. but shes still a pretty stereotypical teenager who has to listen to adam sandler her father, and has the same amount of power in this situation as any other teenager would. the movie sets up the leads as being on the same level socially so theres no issue (this may have been made extra clear because its a kids movie, which is why its an easy example). contrast this with twlight where edward obviously has power over bella specifically due to his vampire-ness, and thats why their dynamic is one that many people find uncomfortable because the fantasy age gap plays a part in this.

but yeah at the end of the day thats why id never, like, call c.c from code geass a pedophile for kissing lelouch (utilitarian reasons or otherwise), but that's also exactly why i'd call isekai man #208 a pedophile for having a loli love interest. these characters are not real, they are symbols. you cannot take symbols literally (thats oxymoronic) by just looking at the numbers of their ages, you have to look at what they represent of the real world inside the story. what does this fantasy immortal SAY about age and such. what do their actual dynamics reflect in the real world.

fiction isnt reality, but its a mirror that reflects it. sometimes a funhouse mirror, but you can still see whats being reflected if you look closely.

anyway please dont take this as any sort of discourse, i really am just musing about how fiction Works, and how different tropes apply in different ways and such. this isnt a response to anything or anyone im just thinking out loud. peace ✌️

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puhpandas · 2 months

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plural anon from earlier figured id offer some info since you mentioned wanting to learn! obvious preface that im not an expert and this is just from my experience and what ive learned from others :) everyones experiences vary and im definitely not the be all end all lol

also this may get long, its a bit of an infodump! ^^;

i figured first id explain some of the stuff i said. i refer to myself as “plural” mostly, and said “plural system” as system is more often used from what ive seen, and plural offers more context to me. its honestly up to the person what they want to be referred to with. plural, plural system, plural person, just system, a collective, a group, there are probably more but those are the main ones i can think of!

also i should probably clarify, i said “pseudo-plurality” referring to the in-universe rab and vanny, as it isnt really confirmed whether that is an act put on by glitchtrap/will/mimic, or vanessa, or something, or if its actually a separate person. (i like to think of them as headmates/alters, but given that they are villains some folks dont want to which is also fair! it was very common to use the “evil alter” trope in horror so it can definitely put people on edge and rub them the wrong way. i like to explore and see this concept explored, but obviously with the headmates being actual people, not just boiled down to “ooo evil alter” for scare factor. i read a fic once where vanny was formed as a response to williams invasion and manipulation to protect vanessa, which is way more interesting to me than the evil alter trope!)

also, i should warn with the previous paragraph, if you do ever explore the idea of rab or vanny being opposition to gregory and vanessa, some people might get upset even if you are doing it well. unfortunately its the internet and theres a lot of bad rep out there and a lot of mean people. im sure you know the drill tho.

more general thing, some systems prefer to say headmates, some prefer alters, some prefer other words, some just refer to them as their friends or as the others. its dependent on the person! and the “main” person is called the host usually, or the core, typically the core ive seen used for systems who consider themselves to be “facets” of that core. my underdtanding of facets is that theyre more like branches off the host, rather than fully separate (ive seen some people use “admin” or other similar words too tho lol). the host is often said to be the “original” person, in the case of gregory and vanessa, those two would be the hosts, and rab and vanny would be alters/headmates/etc. but hosts dont HAVE to be the original person, it can change. i dont know the exacts of what makes a host a host, but from my understanding its basically a role someone has. and not every system uses roles or falls into them, for example id argue that the daycare attendant has “roles” in their system (moon takes care of naptime, sun takes care of playtime) but lacks an actual designated host, possibly because they dont really feel a need for one and just work(ed) as a unit.

on the topic of the daycare attendant, some plural folk will use a collective name or a “singletsona” (singlet just referring to a nonplural individual) of sorts. the daycare attendant has a collective name, which is, yk, “the daycare attendant” as it can refer to any/all of them. and rab sort of used gregory as a singletsona as opposed to telling his friends hes rab (sort of. he did use it as a pen name). in the same vein, there are also global pronouns, first person pronouns, and collective pronouns (these are the best ways i can simplify them lol).

global pronouns - for us anyways - are pronouns everybody can be referred to with. for us, our main global pronoun is it/its.

first person pronouns is just, how the person talks when referring to themself/themselves. i/me, us/we, and a mix of both. some systems only use plural first person pronouns when referring to the system/multiple folks in the system, some just always use we/us, some use i/me regardless, as usually it depends on the system and some stuff i havent even gone into. and for collective pronouns, its similar to the global pronoun thing, except its just the system as one entity’s pronouns. often it is the plural or singular they/them, we personally like plural and singular it/its for our system. its kinda like the bodys pronouns, which is why it can be singular to me. i hope thst made sense!

oh before i cut myself off i should probably mention switching. i dont switch out really so i cant provide much here but some systems experience amnesia/time loss/etc, some dont, but like i said i cant give you much because i dont switch out. im sure someone else can help with that ^^;

this ask is already very very long, so i wont go into other stuff like monoconscious, polyconscious, co-conscious, co-fronting, being frontstuck, sticky front, headspace/inner world, system origins(which will inevitably include system discourse thing unfortunately), headmate sources, source memories, introjects…… theres a Lot and i dont think i would even have enough characters to send an ask with everything i know

i hope this wasnt way overdoing it, i learned a lot from prior to and after i learned i was plural because i enjoy researching topics like this, and sharing the information i know is fun!

also you said you werent feeling well, hope you feel better soon!

thank you for the info anon! it helped a lot to understand more and was very insightful! I appreciate all you put into this!!

#pandas.txt #pandas asks #and thank you for the get well soon=)#pandas talks #save

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entropy-sea-system · 4 months

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A lot of people online have been saying that narcs can and should recover. I know that that statement is ableist towards pwNPD, but I wanted to ask someone with the disorder why it’s untrue from personal experience.

(Sorry for bad wording, English is not my first language)

Well I would say recovery is not possible for everyone, if someone wants to recover from npd they can attempt it if therapy is accessible for them though, thats not really ableist. It is ableist to act like thats possible for everyone though, or to act like therapy is always accessible to everyone. This also overlaps with classism and other forms of bigotry because there are barriers to accessing therapy.

Also I do think it is kind of weird they refer to pwNPD as 'narcs' with that phrasing. Some of us do reclaim the term but if egotypicals just use it like that its a little weird and implies they see us as bad since they often use 'narc'/narcissist in a derogatory manner to refer to basically anyone they armchair diagnose as having NPD bc theyre an abuser or somehow just 'unlikeable'.

Even if people with npd do go to therapy, there are unfortunately many professionals who are very ableist towards people with npd and see us as a 'lost cause' or even believe that 'narc abuse' exists - more professionals in psychiatry and psychology should really learn to respect people with npd and should know how to work with us if we decide to go to therapy for it.

Some people with npd may want to recover if they dont feel able to function well at all and they arent able to cope well with their symptoms, and thats okay. Some people may just fundamentally want to be egotypical even if their NPD doesnt necessarily harm themself a lot. It shouldn't be something we are forced to do though, and we can obviously have npd while still respecting others. Some may also not get a choice as people are coerced into undergoing therapy or institutionalised, which is another problem.

One thing I dislike about the whole idea that we should go to therapy and that therapy will magically get rid of our NPD, is that egotypicals (people without npd) tend to ask that we do this for THEIR sake. They can't handle people with npd even existing and don't want to deal with us. They assume we are all doomed to be abusers. They don't seem to give a shit about how WE are negatively impacted by having npd when they say this. It sounds as if they just want npd to somehow be erased from the world.

Either way, peoples autonomy and rights should be respected regarding therapy, and one can go to therapy if they wish. But there is no guarantee therapy will get rid of a personality disorder, and one may need to see a few therapists or counsellors to find one that truly helps them, and there is a safety risk to seeking psychiatric care for many people.

Recovery is not impossible, but people should go about it at their own pace if they seek it and take precautions as professionals in mental health may harm them, and sometimes it means more that you learn ways of coping with your personality disorder (such as skills taught in Dialectical Behaviour therapy) than exactly that it will disappear entirely. We have not gone to any therapy that helped us so far, but if we do, when its safe to for us, we would be cautious about it and gather a lot of information on who we consider as potential therapists or counsellors.

NPD itself cannot exactly be prevented, on another note, some factors that can influence someone developing it, like genetics, environment one grows up in, and trauma, etc. just are not very preventable. Maybe if societal power structures such as the family unit were not given as much power, abuse rates would reduce and there would be less incidence of trauma, but this would not exactly prevent it entirely and would be difficult to actually enact. And Im not sure if the people who want to prevent it just want people with NPD gone in an ableist way, or if they actually give a fuck about our suffering.

I have known of other pwNPD who do go to a counsellor or therapist. I was in a space with other pwNPD and some of them were genuinely helped by therapy - but those people still had NPD, therapy just helped them cope with it. There are probably people who recovered from NPD after therapy, I havent personally met any such people, but I have seen one person claim they used to have NPD then just didn't anymore without even any therapy, not sure how exactly that worked but yeah.

Anyways, the point is, NPD or any other personality disorder is variable like this and it cannot be said for sure that therapy always exactly gets rid of the disorder entirely or is safe for us. And this is often applicable to other mental illnesses and neurodivergence too. Its not ableist to say people can pursue recovery if they want it, but enforcing it as mandatory can err towards ableism, especially if its along with false beliefs about what therapy can do.

#NPD #npd #actually npd #sysmeds dni #endo safe #actually narcissistic #narcissistic personality disorder #ableism #anti psych #sanism #psychiatric abuse #recovery #cluster b #cluster b safe #actually cluster b #npd safe #anti psychiatry

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atthebell-moved · 9 months

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Hi, i hope you dont mind this ask, but i noticed that in your bio post you mention you speak 4 languages and are learning 2 more, and thats honestly so cool and inspiring!! Do you happen to have any language learning tips you used so far that you like? Im in the process of learning french as my 3rd language and while i have the structural knowledge of how to learn a language, i have hit somewhat of a wall in my learning process rn i think. So while i know language learning varies a lot from person to person id still apreciate knowing other peoples process if youd be okay with sharing :] hope youre having a nice timezone

hi! i definitely don't mind, glad to hear you're learning a new language :D big reminder at the top that i'm just some a guy who's way too into languages and linguistics. you want to ask me about jewish theology on the concept of knowing, go right ahead, but in terms of language pedagogy, this is just my personal experience from learning a lot of languages and spending a lot of time thinking about this stuff, though i do have some experience in education. take everything i say with the grain of salt of my personal context!

my initial tips kind of revolve around your goals; do you want to get generally better at the language, or are you specifically looking to strengthen certain areas? if its the former, i recommend doing anything and everything, but most of all practicing, and practicing with french speakers (or speakers of whatever language you may be learning). it might be embarrassing, especially if you're trying to speak with native speakers, but it is hands down the best way to learn, and it means you get very hands-on practice.

if you want to strengthen certain areas, it can depend on which, and it can also depend on your learning styles and what works best for you. for a couple examples: if you want to improve pronunciation, flash cards can be really helpful, and i know quizlet has ways of including pronunciation. if flashcards aren't your thing, i recommend listening to native speakers (i.e. youtube videos, podcasts, etc. etc.) and repeating after them to try to get down their pronunciation, and i recommend a variety of them so you pick up on how pronunciation varies by accent and region. another example: if you want to improve comprehension/listening ability, again, i recommend listening to native speakers and getting the hang of what theyre saying; this is particularly helpful if you can watch something with subtitles in the language as well in your own native language(s) so you can pick up on exactly what they're saying. i do this sometimes when i'm watching cellbit-- instead of putting stream captions on english, i put them in portuguese so that i can see what he's saying along with hearing it. this works well for me though bc i read pretty well in most languages i speak/am learning and i already speak spanish, which makes reading portuguese very easy. again, it depends on your own learning styles and what works for you, so find something that really clicks with your brain and run with it. and this goes for any goal you might have-- if it's being able to read books in french, you can practice reading kids' books and move up to something more advanced; if it's translation specifically, you'll want to look a bit into translation studies and look at professional and amateur translations to see how it's typically done.

there's also the context of the language itself-- yiddish literature is a HUGE part of yiddishism, and translation is also a really important factor for a lot of people, so we read a lot of books and poems and did full translations of texts as practice, but for some languages, there's far more emphasis on song, oral storytelling, writing, or any number of things. if you've previously focused on some elements while learning other languages, it can be strange to switch to something new with another language, but it really helps round out your understanding of the diversity of languages and how cultural context has an impact on it all.

my big big big tip is to practice as much as possible and, if you think you're plateauing at kind of an intermediate-advanced level, that's very normal. every language i've studied, you reach a point where you have a pretty decent grasp on a lot of technical things, but you still don't necessarily feel super confident in the language. i recommend studying new vocab, as that will make you feel more like you can speak it at any opportunity, and engaging in media in the language, like i said above. when i got into advanced yiddish, we read and practiced and had conversations constantly, and it helped me gain a lot of confidence that i was able to open a text and know a lot of what was being said, including vocab, without having to reach for a dictionary all the time or ponder exactly which auxiliary verb was being used, or to be able to express myself really clearly to my peers.

i think it's easy to feel railroaded after you've got a lot of grammar and structure down, so you need to find new ways to gain knowledge and confidence in the language so you don't get stuck at that level. also find a crew to speak french with!! i wouldn't have learned yiddish nearly as well as i did if i hadn't had friends in my classes and built connections in the yiddish community at large, and i think that's a really meaningful way to engage with a language. language is about human connection, so finding ways to build that really does help. and don't forget to review!! you will, if you're like me, get caught up in some element of the language and then may misremember some basics, so it's always good to review those and keep up with anything that might start to slip your memory.

one last thing! if you learned another language as a kid or a teen and now you're learning as an adult and finding its not quite as easy, this is also really normal. kids' brains are so, so good at absorbing information, particularly languages, and it's very normal to get into your twenties and thirties and be like "why can't i learn this as fast as i could as a kid?!" the easiest time to learn a language is as young as possible, but you are not late to the game or slow. you just came at it at a different time, and you're still going to be able to pick it up. especially if you're trying to learn in between other classes and work and just general adult life, it's just going to be a bit harder, and that's okay! for thousands and thousands of years people have been learning new languages at every age and you are not alone in that. may we all have a decent time at it, and best of luck to you. bonne chance!

#asks #anons #i cant think of more specifics rn but if i do ill add them in a rb or something #nonnie if you or anyone have something in mind though feel free to ask #this is so long sorry im deranged and also getting into my fifth and sixth languages im feelinggg how much harder this is now #esp outside of a more formal learning setting

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menalez · 2 months

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Am i off or is it the case that all this chasing brain scans to show we can identify female vs male 67 or whatever percent of the time (which as you rightly point out is a pretty weak prediction) is also overinterpreting to at all conclude it = gendered or sexed brain by birth/genetic/innate nature.

I think of it like this. Because patriarchy and sexism is MULTIPLE THOUSANDS OF YEARS old, and pervasive globally, and how we are raised in it has physical affects on not just the rest of our bodies, but also our brains………. a scan could just be learning to pick up on the changes that tend to happen to the brains of people treated as women are. Who are encouraged to do certain things and banned or discouraged from others. Who are deprioritized with nutrition and resources globally. Who are moulded toward certain beliefs and personalities. And then it would be no wonder that not only are these signs found in 60-something % of women, but also pop up with gay men and other gnc men (cough cough the trans identified males who think they’re women or non-binary)

Are they accounting for this? Also are these studies looking globally or basically just whoever they can grab off the street in Boston?

Other thought: even if let’s say female typical estrogen levels in the womb or throughout puberty or something = certain significant brain changes……… that impact everything from the brain physical structure to abilities and behaviors…. even IF that were true (and I don’t think we see evidence that it is) A MALE WITH THAT TRAIT WOULD BE AN ATYPICAL MALE NOT A FEMALE PERSON. Female-typical brained male would be a female-typical brained male in the same way a giraffe-typical heighted human wouldn’t therefore be a giraffe.

This is all on top of the initial point that you and Cornelia Fine cover with delusions of gender and debunking the gendered/sexed brain

Are they accounting for this? Also are these studies looking globally or basically just whoever they can grab off the street in Boston?

in general neuroimaging studies are: time-consuming, expensive, and difficult to conduct. this is why they don't tend to have very high samples and also why they are usually limited to whatever labs they have. for it to be done globally, there would have to be a cooperation between numerous labs around the world and they need to follow the same exact methodology, it would be difficult to organise. so you can bet that almost every neuroimaging study and its finding is "whoever is willing to participate in the vicinity of the lab" rather than a global effort.

that said, yeah the people who make these arguments ignore the fact that socialisation does influence brain development. we don't even need to account for the fact that this same socialisation has been existing for generations, even in one generation the brain is impacted by socialisation. the way girls are taught, talked to, what theyre encouraged to do, what theyre taught is their purpose, what theyre discouraged from doing, etc ALL will play a role in how the brain develops. these people do not seem to understand that brain plasticity means that our environment, not just our biology, often impacts how our brain develops. a lot of brain differences are thought to be down to environment, namely socialisation. a second factor is hormones bc yes hormones can affect the brain. but despite these two factors, there is significant overlap between "male" and "female" brains AND there is significant variation in "male" and "female" brains. there is a lot we do not know yet, like why these differences & overlaps exist.. but we do know that its existence makes it clear that brains are not sexually dimorphic.

i wish i could find it rn but i read research papers before on how the vast majority brain differences found when comparing males & females either appear post-puberty or due to differing experiences & socialisation. we aren't actually born with distinctly different brains that u can distinguish sex with, and even as adults, our brains are not as distinguishable by sex as some ppl pretend

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maythearo · 11 months

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astv enjoyer anon back and I think your ideas are great!! :0 theyre really interesting and I was thinking about the canon event stuff too, but I have no idea how it'd work out since purely from the characters we know in twst there is Zero uncle ben equivalent for Jamil

Though for how he did get bit, I have two ideas! either from something bizarre during a potionology class where a spider just happens to Not Be Normal OR he could have been outside for something Vargas related and the spider breached containment or whatever?

I love the idea that he ended up losing a basketball game because of it and I could imagine a lot of hijinks related to the aftermath! Ace trying to find Jamil and having a whole What Was That For?? rant out loud while Jamil is Stuck on the Ceiling

I assume that magic cant just do Anything so whatever he's dealing with cant just be explained away when he has webs coming from his body, though then I wonder how he'd need to use the powers when in a magic world? Which I mean we COULD magicless au it since a superhero story would be hard with that but hmm i want to know what you think!

It's very fun to combine two interests at once and its super lovely to know an artist I like I could have convos on the movie as well :] also the memes you repost on ur insta are amazing id like to see more!

Ty anon!!! 🥺🥺 ur so sweet, and your ideas are giving me a serotonin boost, they are so fun!

I'm slowly starting to realize that making up a canon event for spidey Jamil is extremely difficult since he pretty much hates everyone or eventually gets into an argument with the few people he does tolerate 😭 (i was thinking the closest to —not a father figure, but a mentor— we know Jamil has would be Leona? Since he showed a lot of admiration and respect for him on Ignihyde's chapter BUT THEY STILL HAD AN ARGUMENT IN THE END AND wow Jamil cannot get a moment of peace in twisted wonderland huh) unless I'm forgetting someone in the cast he is in good terms with.

I was thinking this idea would fit best in a magicless au- at least for me, I find it so difficult to combine a magical world with a universe in which science stuff is the main world building factor at play. I mean, it's not impossible to make something up with both magic and science, but my brain is just not big enough for that tbh 😔

But yeah! About the how Jamil could get the spider powers could just be like all coincidence, he was just minding his own business, focused on something important, then SPIDER JUMPSCARE! I like the idea of it just coming from the school's lab, maybe a very smart student like Idia was experimenting in secret there. He sounds like someone who would do that, like, maybe trying to replicate something he saw on a superhero comic of his, why not

AND NOW THAT YOU MENTION THE AFTERMATH OF THE BASKETBALL GAME it would be so funny if Ace was the first one to find out about this entire thing. He has no choice but be Jamil's "guy in the chair" even though his abilities for such task are dubious at best.

#i didn't mean to imply jamil jas NO father figure but like 💀#ask #shut up may #.twst into the spider verse #.🐑✨️

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singaporesainz · 3 months

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the best driver pairing are the mercedes drivers and i don't think it will be other teams for a while.

on one hand the drivers are not equal in race craft which is to be expected given the experience difference and other factors but they are the best pairing bc they cover for each others mistakes well to bring in the most points for the team. last season in singapore when george crashed himself out on the last lap, lewis was right behind him and got on that podium. in abu dabhi when lewis couldn't make it into q3, george pulled that car into the front to fight for that crucial podium. p2 in wcc without a race win is difficult so i think that supports my theory.

i think the other driver pairings are good! but they are all too equal if you get what i mean. mclaren i see coming up on the ranking but i can imagine them suffering from the same issue alpine does if they become too equal.

this. this might get me in hot water but ill say it bc its hot takes for a reason but. in my opinion (but also as someone who doesn't keep up with mercedes like i do with ferrari), i think it all worked out that way it did because theyre both selfish drivers– which is not a bad thing. its just in their nature. all f1 drivers are a little selfish imo. anyways.

i also think that merc made a car that both drivers have figured out how to finesse. it wasn't the greatest car, but both drivers managed to work through it more positively than other teams did. theyre also a fairly competent team that doesn't flounder like ferrari (for example). so to your point, yeah in a numbers and result aspect maybe they are the perfect pairing but also i think it has a lot more to do with the team as a whole than just them. not insinuating that that's what you meant, but that's just my thought process.

#hot take hotline

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ihavenothingtodo10220 · 3 months

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bruh thats literally how i feel about so many hobbies and interests yes we have to have some type of talent to make it in this world but i think the way its pushed on society from a young age means its less relstsble for people who are now older. with all these younger groups what am i supposed to be "attached" to the members about yes some of them are going to be attractive but im 30 this year. music groups, brand items, even classes for learning new skills have become so out of touch with reality it seems to forget theres a bunch of people who cannot access them for varying reasons. take ticket prices for example or merch for anyone to enjoy kpop or any music group it is investment to the extreme.

where im from if i were to want to see ateez for example, id have to travel 4 hours by train to london which cost over £100, book a ticket that cost £300/400 bc you dont want the crappy seats then you need hotel, travel fees to get to arena, then youll want merch and you still need money to get back home. so im sorry to any new group even if theyre decent but us older music fans are going to get left behind eventually as most things are about gen alpha or whatever the fuck theyre calling the new gens.

so much stuff really isnt worth it unless you can afford it :/. thats y less is more, seventeen for example way too many members how they all going to get paid if they converts costing half someones wages?

i get these kids need an income of some kind and they have talent ngl but when we gonna say enough is enough. i even looked at the likes of greenday and maneskin but im not forking out that much to go enjoy some music. just listen to it for free on youtube or watch their concert from someone elses videos. its practically the same type of experience u just arent there physically at the concert lmfao. same with buying items do we really gotta have all the latest junk bc its relevant? no. if i could barely manage the 00s without uggs i can do without a stanley mug or lululemon bum bag.

Honestly, exactly. And even in my generation (Gen Z), most of the people I know don't really have those things or can participate in them. Like, concert tickets are so fucking expensive, and I get it, the artists are in high demand and they need to staff the stadiums and fly them out and all that shit. But it's just that most people can't afford them nowadays. However, I can admit I do know OF people who could fly from Cali to New York just for an idol's concert. And with Seventeen, most of their money comes from music sales I believe, and there are other factors contributing a lot to their pay. Honestly, I agree with you. The idols have to make income, because again, at the end of the day it's their job, and I'm sure a lot of people who like going to concerts can afford it. That's their prerogative.

But like you said, hobbies are getting so expensive nowadays. Like there are people spending thousands just because they want to win a fan call with an idol, or people spending thousands on albums just to get photocards. Of course, those things aren't exactly the norm, and most people don't do that, but it's still just wild.

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vampvelvet · 2 years

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shoutout to people who lay in bed all day when they get home from work/school, people who can't go to loud or crowded places or concerts, people who change into pajamas because other clothes are uncomfortable, people who can't consistently participate in hobbies, people who have to turn down hanging out with friends, people who have lowered their standards to improve themselves, people who need affirmations, and people who struggle to stay healthy. you deserve so much love and I hope things get better.

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awsugar · 2 years

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Liking mcr isn't cringe, but a lot of mcr fans are *looks at the people who make all those g note memes*

mmmmm here's my thing about the g note. yes the memes got annoying and overdone and it got to a point where all the ppl still making them were cringey and bad representation of the fanom. BUT there is like. truth behind the memes. which i think is like true of most things. like it got weird but it comes from a real place, speaking as someone who was a die hard fan before the breakup.

first of all, the breakup was like. i mean ive talked about this numerous times and the ppl who were there will understand and the ppl who weren't can think im dramatic but it was DEVASTATING. devastating. i sobbed for ages. especially at first i couldn't even listen to mcr but for like multiple years after the breakup i rarely listened to them bc it was too painful. i missed out on the early solo years bc it was still too painful. ive never heard ppl talk about the breakup of a band in the way i hear myself and my friends and others talk about the mcr breakup. it was just fucking awful and not something anyone was prepared for and something a lot of ppl didn't feel ready to handle. so like the absolute devastation of that decision, of that announcement, is like a factor in it.

the other factor(s), is that wttbp is their most well known song. for some reason teenagers has the most plays on spotify and a lot of locals seem to know teenagers but the fact is that wttbp is their most Iconic™️ song. and its the one i think, in my experience, you're most likely to hear in public. on top of that, the intro, the g note, is one of a kind. you could be anywhere, and you hear that one note and you just know.

another factor which i think is relatable to some ppl with like severe mcr derangement, is like. yes mcr is my favorite band. ever. all time. but hearing them in public is like. it puts the fear in me. im never ready for it. when i worked at hot topic and helena would come on sometimes i would just start sweating and i would be like 'oh no' and my coworkers were like isnt this your favorite band what is wrong with you. but thats the reaction. some songs are too like personally intertwined with my deepest emotions to just. hear at work.

anyway like bringing all of that together. if you were a huge fan of mcr, devastated by the breakup, had a hard time listening to them due to that, and you were like out doing any random thing like shopping with your mom and suddenly you hear the g note over the loud speakers. like. its an immediate visceral emotional response. i cant be in public and hear the g note and just be like :) oh nice! and go about my day. STILL. definitely worse when they were broken up, but still.

so like to me, thats where it comes from. it originated from a very real place. ppl who are dragging it on even now that theyre back together is like ok lets pack it up yea. it is cringe. but i think a lot of people just consider it like embarrassing yeemo garbage in its very invention but i disagree...

sorry for being insane do you still like me <3

#anonymous #answered

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kio-may · 2 years

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Im on here to word shit 😘

Please dont actually take this seriously 😭😭 my rants r usually just dumb thought dumps, please dont feel offended, this is merely from my own encounters and experience <3

I feel like a lot of malleus stans (probably? Including me?) Baby malleus a lot, like a concerning amount

Like, a little is fine id say, i kind of do that to everyone in the twst cast (especially to grim), but i feel like for a very ancient and arrogant fae they tend to soft-uwu-ify him a LOT

Like,, im not really mad if u do it, just dont actually do that to irl people ig? I also find it a bit weird sometimes, but its harmless and its ok if u do it!! Im not trying to attack anyone, this is just what i think.

I feel as though people often tend to ignore his history of actually probably being thousands of years old, and his knowledge over the years due to him just craving normal social interaction, and i think its a pretty big writing mistake people make very often, that i probably have made too at some point id say

The thing is, sure,he can be very detached from social norms sometimes and be pretty oblivious, maybe a tad bit affectionate unintentionally due to him being very lonely and us being his only somewhat friend, but hes not really a baby ushy mushy uwu guy, hes still really old, hes royalty, very powerful and hes still reserved to a degree

I feel like a lot of writers just for the sake of making it easier to write him just choose one side of his, which is more commonly the softer side exaggerated to a huge extent, which isnt bad! Not at all, this is just something that had been icky to me, but it doesnt mean its bad.

The thing with malleus is, hes affectionate, but hes still distant, hes nice and generous to MC, but hes also still disconnected with a lot of human norms, and he can be pretty cold shouldered from time to time, thats really one of the factors that drives people away from him actually, theyre aware hes very disconnected with societu and they mistake him to be this all serious-never joking person and are terrified when he shows his playful side, and we as the fandom take his playful side for granted and exaggerate it a lot

Take this how u will 😘 i just kinda wanted to dump this here

#kio.talks #twst

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mokutone · 3 years

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yo i would love to hear some of ur trans yam headcanons :) (also ps ur art is breathtaking and whenever i see it reblogged on my dash i always come here anyway to read ur tags bc they r so! good!)

thank u 🥺🥺🥺 god im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a couple days ksdjghsdkjgh not only have i got a LOT of thoughts to put here (this is only a selection of the bigger thoughts skdjghsdkjhg) i was also super busy the past few days!!!! ty for ur patience, ur compliments, and for inviting me to ramble abt my favorite guy!

maybe the one constant in all trans people is just like. our decision to intentionally and purposefully create ourselves, to forced into an identity by outside forces and to turn away from it in search of something else, and that’s ultimately what makes captain yamato read as a trans character to me! He goes through so many identities, and they are meaningful to him, but you can also clearly tell that he’s searching for something that really fits him.

I don’t really have a lot of firm thoughts on what his specific identity would be, I’ve seen some great nonbinary yams, some lovely genderfluid yams, trans guy yams, there’s a great variety and i delight in them all!

I tend to imagine him as transmasculine and nonbinary but male aligned (which means he’d feel at least a partial connection to or comfort with masculinity) and while there are a bunch of labels for this experience of gender (demiboy, bigender, etc etc) i don’t see him as somebody who would use any specific labels, I feel like he’d keep his own experience of his gender fairly private! He’d prefer and be fine with masculine-coded terms of address, and happy enough passing as a guy.

AHH and on names...

I think Kinoe is the only name that I really see as like. a genuine deadname. It’s a name that means “The First” to my understanding, and so like, probably refers to him having the genetics of the first. Therefore, it’s kind of. literally a name referring to him as his biology...boy thats as deadname as it gets, huh? kill that shit and also danzō

Tenzō is also a name thats given to him, but to my understanding (all I know about the anbu arc is picked up thru osmosis lol) it’s a name that’s given to him twice, with affection. Once from Yukimi, who sees him as her brother (not a vessel for the first hokage’s powers, probably for the first time ever—even if it’s still another person’s name) He takes the name, gladly! Unfortunately danzō. anyway,

Later, when he starts to introduce himself to the non-root Anbu as Kinoe, Kakashi cuts him off and names him to the anbu as Tenzō. To my understanding: it’s a name at rest, not a name for one singular mission, but a name for his entire time in Anbu. It’s the name he keeps the longest. Again, it’s a name that’s given to him to him by somebody else, but it’s one that is given with the intention to free him of Kinoe, and all that Kinoe had to be.

(A note on him getting annoyed with Kakashi for calling him Tenzō in main-plot:

Most of this is of course based off of personal experience, but I find it hard to believe that he would actively dislike Tenzō as a name since it was given with such sweet intentions—most of my names have been gifts, and the only one I’ve actively taken out of rotation has been bc i cannot stand the person who used it, and the way it was used, and while Anbu was certainly bad for Yamato...I don’t think it was quite that bad. I think him telling Kakashi to stop calling him Tenzō has more to do with the use of it where it doesn’t belong—for example, while it’s not exactly a name, I am happy to be called “mokutone” here, and you may notice my friends calling me by another name, but if any of those friends called me mokutone in DMs, I would be bothered by that.)

Yamato starts off as an empty codename, given to him for the purposes of his team 7 mission by the Hokage, but I think it gets such a loving and warm association from just...using out in the sunlight, with these kids that he comes to think so fondly of (he’s such a dad. god. he’s such a fucking dad) and with the friends he makes going out drinking and actually having time to socialize—and that means a lot! I think Yamato is probably the name which becomes most meaningful and like a home to him by the end of the series. This is the active name, the name where he is most himself. It’s vital for him to have that space to grow into!

But that said, I personally feel like, if he were to continue beyond the edges of the story, this would not be the final name he bears. He’s probably well aware that a single name cannot contain who he is, or who he wants to be, and while being Given a name can be a beautiful thing (like i said, most of my names are gifts! i treasure them.) I think that, for his character arc, I would like him to name himself at some point. Even if it’s a name that only exists for private spaces, I want him to complete that self determination, to at least try it out, even if ultimately Yamato is the name everyone else will know him by.

Physical Transition Stuff

i will confess i hurt to imagine these shinobi binding 😭😭 even if an individual is binding safely (well made binder, no more than 8 hours, AND No Physically Intense Activity) they stand to risk hurting themself! In real life we gotta balance out the physical pain and the pain of dysphoria, but this is naruto and I’m Gonna Play Some Headcanon Games!

If chakra is both a kind of spiritual energy as well as directly connected to the body (as we learned in the hyūga fight) then it stands to reason that by manipulating ones own chakra, they can manipulate the body, or at least the way the body changes (such as naruto’s healing factor)

This probably is not the safest thing to do unless you’re a mednin or following the directions of one, LMAO

The second the hell of puberty started up for Tenzō he tried to hold it back by sheer force of willpower + chakra manipulation alone

but, manually controlling one’s chakra is like trying to prevent a stream from flowing with your hands alone, which is to say: an exhausting uphill battle.

He’d probably only be doing it on his down time and not on a mission, but even still the most I bet he could make it doing that without getting figured out is two months.

Luckily blockers are readily available, Tenzō just had no idea and, gender being a private experience for him, was trying to handle the whole thing entirely on his own. Soon after attempting to self-regulate hormones him-fucking-self like a very valid but desperate fool, he gets an appointment, gets a prescription, and can chill out and not have to be as hellishly aware of his body constantly.

Konoha mednin will say trans rights even if the village itself is garbage, this series is so god damn weird already, nobody can tell me a ninja taking hormones is somehow weirder than a ninja taking his dead best friends genetic superpower eye.

TWO WEEKS, THREE SPARS, AND ONE VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING CONVERSATION LATER:

u might think kakashi is passing him a water bottle and they both look so exhausted bc its post spar but no. physically theyre fine, but the emotional toll of having to talk about something either of them care at all about? miracle they survived.

#lesbians4tenten #Tenzō #yamato #headcanons #kakashi says that so heavily bc both of them hate going to the hospital but blood tests are necessary for HRT usually #also kakashi is definitely trans as well. i have less headcanons about that bc i see him as like. Even More Private than yamato #(he hides 3/4 of his face. trans icon. also personal privacy icon.)#so like skdjghdskjhg him getting involved is not a moment of Concerned Cis Meddling but like. 'ghghhg this is bad. i gotta step in'#i hc that like he was one of those kids that by the time he was four he was like hey dad im a boy and sakumo was like. fuck ok!#i guess i got a son now!#yamato just did not think about it much #also while i see him having long hair as inherently him repressing his identity it has nothing to do with long hair being 'feminine'#esp bc most of the older men in naruto have long hair. sakumo j*raiya orochimaru madara the whole hyūga clan of men #but instead much more to do with. him repressing being tenzō in order to be kinoe for danzō #and if hashirama had long hair. and all he is is a weapon for hashiramas power to be used through. he too will have long hair.#its also why i wont draw yamato with long hair. while he is handsome with long hair...and an argument COULD be made for him reclaiming it #i feel like aesthetically it represents a return to a relationship he had with his body and with the idea of hashirama #that i am not interested in exploring #perhaps in sage mode it goes very long. and then he has a friend cut it off for him every time #that i could draw #ANYWAY I think everyone should have as many names as they want. you want to be called something? that's your name now congratulations #trans? cis? not sure? doesn't matter the world is your oyster and you can be called anything you want #if people dont respect that theyre jealous and being rude af lmao #image desc in alt text #for all thats worth

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shoezuki · 3 years

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cracks knuckles. i promised to elaborate and i will.

the one common perspective that everyone seems to be able to agree on is that techno / sbi + schlatt + tubbo + ranboo are just genuinely funnier than the dteam, and honestly yes it's because if the popularity. if you go back and watch the dteams older (im talking before 2-3mil subs) videos they are funnier than their current ones and i think it's because they're trying to shift their humor to a broader audience?

the minecraft community has always been mainly queer/poc/ndv kids because it was exiled away from "acceptable society" for so long that only the people who had already been "exiled" continued to enjoy it. I, as an example, stopped playing when it became a cringy thing because I was so worried about being seen as weird. now that ive discovered, come to terms with, and enjoy my queerness, i realize that if i had known i was queer back when mc was exiled i wouldve continued to play because i alrwady would have known what it was like to be part of that seperate society. (Please keep reading i promise I have a point)

but then minecraft came back. minecraft became mainstream again, and it came back HARD. watching it go from something that you would be bullied immensely for to something that you would be bullied for not doing was an extreme experience. in all honesty im still angry about it, but that's another topic. when minecraft became mainstream it brought with it all of the people that hadn't been part of the exiled societies yk? including... the dream team.

dream blew up. we all know how much he blew up. i personally dont believe he cheated on the speedrun but to each their own (although after reading your stuff and becoming more critical of them im realizing i might need to reexamine that), and the speedrun controversy brought even more people to his base (cough drama loving straight white girls cough).

when they were brought into the fanbase that's when it started to go downhill. they shifted their humor to fit that, or maybe their humor was always that and they just got more confident in showing it after they had gotten a fan base to back them up. which is also why techno / sbi + schlatt + tubbo + ranboo (who ill refer to just as techno&co now because he's the main one but also that's long as hell lmao) are funnier than them!

for one, their fanbases are smaller. now 5 mil is by no means a small number, but compared to dream's 16 mil? yknow. especially with techno's wack upload schedule he's never had to worry about having a stan fan base because the only people who stay are people who genuinely enjoy his content the way it is.

two, techno&co are mostly ndv. techno has adhd, tubbo has dyslexia, wilbur had and maybe still has depression, ranboo has anxiety, tommy hasnt confirmed or denied his adhd but im betting he at least has borderline. i am in no ways saying that being part of one minority (in this case ndv) gives you free range over another (queer), but all minorities have this understanding about what it is to be part of an exiled community (if that makes sense).

philza and schlatt, not so sure if they're ndv, but they're also older and generally more mature and esp in philza's case, theyve had their chance to make their bad jokes and pull stupid shit and theyve grown out of it (if they ever had that phase at all). techno&co have that understanding and even if they dont know where the boundaries are they know that queer humor (and all humor! other than techno, sbi doesnt really make gay jokes) going to have boundaries, and they respect that.

three, techno is the funniest bitch because he has adhd. i dont take criticism on this point because im right.

i probably missed a lot, probably got some stuff wrong, but all in all i think i hit my mark. i can come off anon to chat anytime if youd vibe w that. no pressure to respond to this! have a good day, etc etc, it was fun getting to tear into the dteam in a safe space. respect for them and their fanbases, their humor is a little off but i still gotta respect how well theyve done. btw i woke up and rolled over and started typing I haven't proofed this at all so yeah. :) - andy

And your brain is fucking massive yo like u must got chronic back pain too from holdin up all these Thoughts in ur head

I really like. Minecraft fans is So varied cuz like u said it was so very 'cringe' before. I got into mc again n playin it w my siblings years before it Popped Off again entirely cuz i stopped Giving a Shit that it was 'weird' or any a that. N sbi have been goin strong through it So Long both when it was hotshit and when it was "cringe"

N definitely like minecraft ive always noticed has a Massive ndv community. I dont know entirely what it is like definitely part of the 'cringe' factor like u said and also cubes make our brains go brrrr? The aspect of self expression in it? I dont know but we Been Here

I do think dteam's content and shit like. It obviously moved in sync with perceptions of mc to garner a Big General audience. Dream blowing up entirely had to do w the Trends and how mc got popular. Therefore hes audience is Huge and Varied

In contrast w techno n like. He has blown up quite a bit too. But i feel its fair to say he Hasnt altered his content significantly. Or at least like. How its presented, what he does, etc. For fucks sake he doesnt have a stream schedule. And although his content is Still garnering a Large and really varied audience it feels more like. Isolated and homogeneous almost

Like. I can go into the technocord right now and say 'dont forget to take your meds' and at least 20 or so ppl would be all like Oh Fuck Whoops. Theres SO many of us adhd ppl in there. I always goof bout techno jus sayin pspspsps and the neurodivergents crawling up from the floorboards but honest to god. His content and jokes and i suppose Personality jus appeals to us So Much. Same goes for sbi pretty heavily honestly altho i feel its most evident in techno's most Dedicated fans

Also. Lbr. The people who stay through technos schedules and content Droughts are the ones who be hyperfixating Abskfvdkdsjsjsl

BUT going into sbi as a Group like. They are friends. And together they are fucking hilarious. N i feel it strongly like. The fact theyre all such Varied people of different ages and such helps w that shit. It Works So Well.

Long story short being neurodivergent makes you funny as hell letsgo

#SBDKBDK YES #you jus straightup hit all the marks fuck ya #dteam feels like i could go grab 3 whiteboys and itd be the dteam #sbi and co is more like. i hear someone yelling bout girls at 12am out my window. thats wilbur.#tommy is that kid who kept breaking into my back office at work because he wanted to steal my boxcutter #basically theyre one of a kind #Oh also i didnt say it in the post cuz i aint sure #i vaguely recall wilbur talkin bout Possibly being autistic n that he woulda been assessed as a kid but Didnt #idk where that was from so take it w a grain of salt #but as an autistic bitch myself. i feel the vibes #anon #andy #hard boiled takes

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tigerdrop · 3 years

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hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

#asky #careposting

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