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ceoofyearning · 2 days

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All I Want - Cassian

Pairing: Cassian x Bestfriend! Reader Summary: When Nesta Archeron dropped into Cassian’s life with the cataclysmic force of silver wildfire, you took one look at them and knew you missed your chance. There’s no fighting against a mating bond. But that hasn’t stopped the memory of him from haunting you since. Except there he is, decades later, just across the room, watching you watch him. Rating & Warnings: T/M | Hurt & Comfort, angst to fluff, PAST Nessian, recreational mirthroot use, alcohol, suggestive but nothing explicit (lmk if i miss anything else) Word Count: 4.4k Links: Masterlist

A part of you had always craved to see the rest of the world, and when you got the chance to work in the Day Court three decades ago, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. With how things were, it seemed like the perfect excuse to leave. After all, it’s not as if you had a reason to stay. The mating bond between snapping Nesta and Cassian had made sure of that.

In many ways, leaving felt like the easier choice - to shed your past and start anew in a court where no one knew you - a clean slate. Mother knows you needed one.

Your work for Helion involves acquiring ancient texts and artifacts for the One Thousand Libraries of Day. It required you to travel all over Phythian, even as far as the continent to procure these items yourself. You adore your job and enjoy the freedom it affords you, but when you were given the opportunity to go back to Velaris to manage the satellite division connected to the Great Library, a part of you had been reluctant to agree. Coming back meant facing your past. And that, more than anything, was terrifying.

It has been a few weeks since your return to the City of Stars. Although you didn’t have much time outside of work, you do try to maintain a semblance of a social life. Mor made sure of that. When you first met her a few centuries ago, Mor had taken one look at you, a broken, wingless half-Ilyrian female, and decided that the two of you must become friends. Perhaps she saw a piece of herself in you, in your defiance against a world that was out to get you.

You had been close friends with Mor in the past, and the moment she heard you were back in town, she reached out to reconnect. You appreciated it immensely, of course. Going back and having to build a life for yourself in Velaris after all these years of being gone seems less daunting with a friend by your side. So when Mor asks you to go out, you try to go whenever you can afford to, desperate to grasp at chances to belong, despite yourself. Tonight, Mor practically dragged you out of your apartment for drinks and to briefly attend a ball in the Moonstone Palace.

“I don’t understand why Emerie is allowed to pass,” you grumble morosely as you peer up the warmly-lit exterior of Rita’s.

“Because Em hasn’t been hiding out in the library for the past week,” Mor counters blithely.

“I was busy,” you retort in vain, knowing full well that all resistance is futile.

“You’re always busy,” Mor retorts, throwing an arm around your neck. Your friend is clad in her usual skin-tight red dress, exuding self-confidence with each step she takes. You shoot her a look of sheer betrayal, and she laughs, raising her hands in mock surrender. “It’s for your own good. You deserve to have fun too, you know?” Mor says with exaggerated gravity, which has you rolling your eyes.

You sigh, and pad after her, knowing there is no use trying to argue now that she has already dragged you here. You practically trip over yourself on your borrowed heels, as you try to adjust the straps of the dress Mor had squeezed you into. It’s a resplendent satin dress with a terrifyingly low neckline and an even terrifyingly high slit up your left thigh. To her credit, however, the black dress fits you like a glove, a testament to Mor’s eye for fashion. With much effort, you banish the thoughts of all your responsibilities and deadlines to the void. Fine, you’ll try to have fun tonight, at least.

You would've been happy enough with a simple dinner, maybe even some wine, but of course, Mor idea of fun rarely coincides with yours. The initial plan is to have just a few drinks at a nice, quiet bar - catch up a bit, and have a good laugh. But as the night progressed, Mor had piled you with more and more alcohol, and you became more amenable to going along with her unhinged plans.

It starts with you moving to another bar, then another, until you finally find yourselves right in the middle of the overcrowded dance floor in the Moonstone Palace. To call this gathering a ball would be far too generous. Sometime in the night, the party had devolved to the very picture of debauchery. The air was thick with the scent of sweat, spilled liquor, and bad decisions. It’s a good thing you were drunk enough to not mind the overwhelming press of bodies against you. You could even admit that there’s some comfort to be had in being just another face lost in the crowd - free to enjoy the music, to simply be. The beat seems to reverberate throughout the whole room, through your bones, pulling you and everyone else into movement, like a collective heartbeat. Amidst the sea of nameless, gyrating bodies, that’s where you catch a glimpse of him - a slip of darkness, flickering in and out of view as the kaleidoscope of colors shifts overhead.

Cassian.

Your attention doesn’t go unnoticed for long. His hazel eyes catch yours, and for a moment, the world stops existing. There is only you, and him and the weight of all the love, heartache and desolation between you. A blink, and reality returns to its normal unrelenting pace.

His muscled frame is evident even from a distance, the outline of his strong shoulders and defined arms visible beneath the blank long-sleeved shirt he wore. Intricate tattoos peek through the opened buttons of his shirt, their dark lines running from his neck, chest, down to his forearms.

You knew Cassian back when you still lived in the Night Court, fancied yourself in love with his charming smile and penchant for mischief. More than anything, you admired him for his kindness. He had been the one to help you escape the camps, even helped set you up here in Velaris. As a half-Ilyrian female with no wings or any significant Ilyrian power, you don’t doubt that staying would have been a death sentence. Or worse.

Afterward, the two of you had spent the better part of the last two centuries circling one another. You didn’t know the name of what you had with Cassian, but the two of you had preferred it that way, not wanting to risk your friendship. You never had the courage to ask for more, not even when you desperately wanted to. But when Nesta Archeron had dropped into his life with the cataclysmic force of silver wildfire, you took one look at them and knew you missed your chance. There’s no fighting against a mating bond. But that hasn’t stopped the memory of him from haunting you since.

Except there he is, decades later, just across the room, watching you watch him.

You heard from the grapevine that, seven years ago, after a failed explosive engagement and years of falling in and out of each other's beds, he and Nesta had finally called it quits. The eldest Archeron sister, Lady Death, had moved to the ruins of Dusk to seek her own destiny, to carve the story of her glory onto the earth. Cassian, on the other hand, had decided to remain here in the Night Court.

A glint of recognition burns in his hazel eyes. For you, Cassian had always been the one that got away. Despite yourself, you find comfort in the thought that it might not have been easy for him to forget you, too.

You can feel your heart beat violently against your chest, threatening to break free from your ribcage. You can’t tell whether it's from anticipation, or a deep-rooted instinct that this? This is very dangerous territory, not unlike walking back into a battlefield you just managed to escape. Regardless of your better judgment, a smile makes its way to your lips, because, in the end, you’re happy to see him.

And Cassian smiles back.

Throughout the night, you watch Cassian from the corner of your eye, and you feel his gaze on you in return. Sometime in the evening, you lose Mor in the crowd, covertly swept away by a gorgeous Ilyrian female in black. You, in turn, are left precariously perched on a stool, nursing a glass of water. You swallow your disappointment while contemplating the logistics of winnowing home whilst being utterly tipsy, and conclude that you’re more likely to be spliced across time and space than to reach your destination.

Instead, you give yourself a few minutes to loiter by one of the palace’s expansive balconies, trying to get sober enough to depart. You’ve lost your shoal sometime during the party, but the crisp night air feels great against your heated skin, helping clear your mind. You recline against the chaise, before crossing your ankles and shutting your eyes. You stay like that for a few minutes, just enjoying the muted music and the blessed solitude.

Your peace doesn’t last long, however. You hear a familiar set of footsteps approach, followed by the telltale groan of the chaise beside you.

“You’re back,” he sounds breathless, disbelieving as though he hasn’t quite figured out if he’s dreaming. You’d know the calming cadence of his voice anywhere, in the dreaming, even in death.

“Cassian,” you sigh, just as breathless, just as dismantled by his presence. Finally, your eyes flutter open to peer up at him. You swallow the lump in your throat, and he watches the movement, transfixed.

You drink in the sight of him like you’re lost in a desert, and he’s the only oasis to be found. His long, wavy locks of midnight-black hair cascade over his shoulders, half pulled back into a disheveled bun behind his head. Loose curls frame his rugged features. He looks sharper, hewn from the toughest steel, but there was a familiar warmth in those hazel eyes.

“I thought I saw you,” he smiles, and your mind nearly implodes at the sight of the dimple on his right cheek. Memories flash, and you remember languid afternoons spent pressing kisses over the same dimple, your nose buried in his neck, your hands tracing shapes over his chest. The moment his hand lands on your knee, however, you snap out of it.

“I’m not sleeping with you,” you notify him pointedly because you are done giving pieces of yourself to this man, no matter how charming he can be, not without anything tangible in return.

He raises his hands over his head, as if in surrender, all the while giving you a crooked grin, “Hey, my intentions are pure, Sunshine. I just wanted to catch up.”

And that statement would have been perfectly fine, you think, if he hadn’t just called you that. Sunshine. God, how you used to love every time he said it, how your heart soared every time he spoke those two syllables. It made you feel special, seen. Now, all it leaves is the scent of smoke in your lungs and the taste of devastation in your tongue

“Cassian, Please,” and you hope to The Mother you sound casual, light, sarcastic even; and not like you’re about to swallow your own damn tongue. “Your intentions are as perpetually black as Azriel’s shadows.”

“I resent that,” he huffs petulantly. “I’m perfectly capable of having a chaste conversation.”

“Right.” You laugh, a real one this time, and Cassian holds his chest in feigned offense. “I just got back, and the first thing you do is lie to me? For shame, Cassian, for shame,” you tease, and a lovely shade of pink invades his cheeks, much to his chagrin.

As you settle further into the cushions, you ask, "What have you been up to? Those Illyrian Warlords still giving you trouble?"

Cassian leans back, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. "I hardly involve myself in the military anymore," he admits, his tone tinged with an equal measure of relief and exhaustion. "I'm tired of the battlefields, the bloodshed. I’ve seen enough of it for several lifetimes. I want to build, not to destroy; to something new, something greater than myself."

And that’s when you see it - the weariness from the weight of all that violence, from the stains those lost lives have left on his hands. They may have called him the Lord of Bloodshed, and he may have been good at it even, Cassian - at his core - has always had a kind and tender heart. You don’t blame him for wanting to leave that life.

You nod in understanding. “What are you going to do?” you ask, curiosity piqued.

A spark lights up in his eyes, and his smile returns, softer this time. “I’m not entirely sure yet,” he confesses. “But I want it to be something that helps people, that brings more good into the world. The Valkyries were a great start, but I want to build a place for people like us, my mother, the outcasts - a safe place for all the females, the children and the bastards brutalized by this world. I want to give them a chance for a kinder life.”

Your chest aches, and you reach out, taking his hand in yours. “That sounds wonderful, Cassian.”

He squeezes your hand gently, his eyes full of gratitude. “Thank you.”

He studies you for another long moment, hazel eyes taking you in like he’s seeing you for the first time, as if you held the answer to a question he’s spent a long, long time asking himself. His gaze softens.

As the evening stretches on, you and Cassian talk about everything and nothing, the conversation flowing effortlessly like the constant ebb and flow of the Sidra. Despite what happened in the past, this thing between you two feels natural, almost as if no time has passed. Sitting there with him, you realize how much you've missed this, missed him. Cassian had been your savior, your family, and your closest friend before everything went wrong, and perhaps, that’s the one thing you mourned the most: his presence in your life, regardless of who he was to you. Reconnecting with him now felt like being ripped apart and remade all in one breath.

Then, he pulls out a pipe from his pocket, and promptly sticks it in between his teeth. You watch, half mesmerized by the way he lights it before taking a slow, steady drag. He breathes it in with practiced ease, before releasing a truly remarkable cloud of smoke. He must’ve noticed you staring because he looks at you and wordlessly offers you a puff. “Remember this?”

You eye him dubiously, “How could I forget.” It’s the same gem-encrusted pipe you had given him as a joke all those years ago, knowing how much he hated unnecessary finery. He had stared at it in horror when you first presented it to him years ago. That he kept it surprised you.

Memories of the two of you locked in his room come into mind. Your lips on his, bodies entwined as a bowl of mirthroot burns at the bedside table.

“What? Don’t tell me you don’t do mirthroot anymore?” He asks, his grin growing wider. “What is it? Forgotten to have fun?”

Refusing to give him the satisfaction, you retort instead, “I haven’t.”

“Prove it then,” he challenges, as he taps off some of the ash that has accumulated in the mouth of the pipe.

You shouldn’t, really. But it’s been a shitty night, and an even shittier month. Mor was right. You’ve been running yourself ragged. And, in truth, you just needed a night where you could forget the rest of your life, even if it’s only temporary

“Well,” you say as you take the pipe from him, “If anyone needs a bit more mirth in their life, it would be me.”

Cassian chuckles, “And me.” The two of you mime clinking glasses as a show of commiseration, before bursting into raucous laughter.

You toy with the pipe for a few seconds, turning it over your fingers. It may have seemed like reluctance, but in reality, you were trying to remember the last time you allowed yourself to relax. You realize that it has been a very long while. With one deep breath, the earthy smoke fills your lungs, and you let it linger before you breathe it out. Not without being hit by a coughing fit though, much to Cassian’s amusement.

“Don’t,” you warn him.

And of course, he doesn’t heed you, and instead says, “You’re adorable.”

Before you can say anything else, he takes the pipe and squeezes himself beside you onto the scant space left on the chaise. You let him. It is as though the two of you can’t help but gravitate towards each other, twin stars pulled together by the same cosmic force; even after everything, even after years of silence, of insurmountable distance.

The chaise makes an impressive effort to hold the both of you, and it takes some truly impressive maneuvering for the two of you to fit. He’s turned towards you while you lay half-sprawled across his chest, your leg thrown over his thighs to lock around his calf. His wing curls over you, encasing you within his warmth. Your hand is over his chest, and you can feel the steady rhythm of his heart echoing your own. It's comforting to know that, even after all that has happened, the two of you still fit together like long-lost pieces of a single puzzle.

“Here, let me,” he takes another hit, easily inhaling and exhaling the silvery smoke as if that alone is enough instruction. He hands it to you once more.

You give him a withering look, but take it from him anyway. Once more you try your best to take the smoke in, but it elicits another coughing fit when you breathe it out.

“Mother’s tits,” you mutter between coughs. Meanwhile, Cassian looks far too delighted at watching your miserable attempts to get high.

“Do you want me to help?” he cryptically proposes with a hopeful look on his face, and you see the question for what it is. “You can say no anytime,” he assures you.

In lieu of an answer, you inch closer, your face angled to fit with his, and you wonder if this is how a sunflower feels when it turns to face the sun. He only gives you one of his unfairly dashing smiles, before he takes another long drag. But this time, he keeps it in, as he cups your face and presses his thumb down your lower lip to coax your mouth open for him.

“Like this,” he whispers, his lips a mere centimeter away from yours. You’re practically vibrating with want, counting the infinities between seconds before you can taste his lips again. The smoke escapes his lips in languid swirls as you pull him down by the nape into a kiss.

Cassian smiles against your lips.

The world is gradually shifting around you, like tectonic plates converging to recreate the world anew. The both of you shudder at the contact. This isn’t a cataclysm, not a world-ending explosion, but a realization, an answer to an overdrawn question. Cassian kisses you like he’s got all the time in the world to spare. It’s a languid back and forth of shared breaths and the seamless glide of his chapped lips on yours.

The feel of him is familiar and foreign all at once. The taste of rum lingers on his tongue as he licks into your mouth, swallowing the moan that comes out of you unbidden. You don’t know how long you stay in that hazy bliss, reacquainting yourselves with each other, just breathing the other in.

But when he pulls away, he tugs on your bottom lip as if to make a final point. And what a totally valid point it is. You are convinced - so convinced, in fact, that you decide you aren’t going to smack him over the head for ruining you completely. The smug smirk on his face, by all means, would normally piss you off, but you find yourself smiling back instead.

“Was that better?” He inquires, batting his doe eyes at you innocently like he hadn’t just obliterated all rational thought in your head with his touch alone.

“I can’t tell…” you trail off in feigned consideration. “I think you’ll have to do it again, just to be sure.”

His nose scrunches in the most adorable way as he scoffs. Nonetheless, he humors you, lifting the pipe to his lips and inhaling another long drag.

“This is purely for science,” you inform him, running your thumb tenderly over his cheekbone.

He nods in mock seriousness, before adding, “An experiment of sorts.”

“Exactly,” you agree, as you tug on the curls on the back of his head to pull him down for another kiss.

Cassian offers to fly you home, and you accept despite the both of you knowing that you’re perfectly capable and sober enough to winnow back on your own. Cassian scoops you up in the cradle of his strong arms, and you can’t help but let out a small gasp as the massive shadow of his wings unfurl. With a few beats, you’re in the air, soaring high above the mountainside. You barely have the presence of mind to erect the barrier for the two of you to keep the cold at bay.

The flight to your apartment takes longer than it should because Cassian can’t keep his damn hands to himself long enough to take seven consecutive wingbeats. You indulge him, of course. With your arms around his neck, his lips find yours time and time again. Below, Velaris is a spread of starlight, like a reflection of the night sky overhead. You’ve got no viable defense for your actions, only that you missed him immensely, and deep in your soul, you know you still want him. You’re afraid that you always will.

But as you arrive at your apartment, the both of you walk up to the door. Cassian tells you he’ll see you tomorrow and moves to leave you with one final peck on the lips, but you maintain your firm grip on his collar.

“You’re leaving?” You ask, your brows scrunched and your mouth agape.

He chuckles at your confusion, his lips once again to that signature crooked grin you adore far too much.

“Oh? Did you want me to stay?” he asks, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear with a painfully gentle touch.

You huff out an exasperated breath, giving him a pointed look. “Cassian, if I didn't, you wouldn't even be here,” you retort, trying to mask the warmth his gesture ignited.

“Why?” He presses further. “What did you have in mind, pretty girl?”

That truth is this: you don’t think you could bear parting with him again, not when you just got him back. You don’t think that losing Cassian is something your heart can survive twice.

His hand makes a slow descent from the back of your head, to your cheekbone, then to your jaw before gently tipping your face up to meet his gaze. A shiver runs down your spin at the intensity of his gaze.

Cassian languidly leads you against the wall, pressing his body against yours. You can feel the evidence of his want against you, while he begins to leave butterfly kisses on your neck.

“Hmm?” He urges again, in between kisses. “C’mon, tell me.” Then, he tugs on your lobe lightly, before whispering against your ear, “Tell me all the lovely thoughts running through your pretty little head.”

A shuddering breath leaves your lips in response, your body reflexively arching into him. He slots his muscled thigh in between your legs while keeping a firm grip on your hips. Cassian, it seems, is as intent on keeping you as you are him.

“Cassian,” you plead, “stay.” Your chest feels like a supernova on the verge of extinction. Fear and longing grip you in a hurricane of emotion, threatening to swallow you whole.

For a while, Cassian just watches you, completely laid bare for him, his to keep or his to break.

“Cassian,” you repeat, the desperation in your tone palpable.

He raises his hands in mock surrender once more, reminiscent of earlier that night, before saying, “Say please.”

“I hate you,” you retort, but your body tells a different story. Without your approval, you realize your hands have slipped under his shirt, reflexively exploring the familiar terrain of his skin, while your lips press against the sensitive skin of his neck.

Cassian sighs, melting beneath your touch, his playfulness giving way to a look of pure adoration. With an expression that leaves no room for doubt, he whispers, “Liar.”

“Guilty,” you confess.

He matches it with a confession of his own, “I love you.” Cassian's gaze is unbearably soft, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that makes your breath hitch. His voice is raw with sheer sincerity. "I've never forgotten you, never stopped thinking about you."

The weight of his words hangs in the air, and for a moment, the world pauses, forgets what it is to breathe. You search his face, seeing the truth reflected in forest eyes. A mixture of relief and joy washes over you, like a stream of cool water over scalded skin. Every moment you’ve shared, every glance, every touch, each joy and regret - has led to this moment.

You lean in closer, your forehead resting against his. "I love you too, Cassian,” you whisper, your voice trembling. “I never stopped.” At that moment, you’re certain that The Cauldron had made a mistake because every part of you is perfectly aligned with his, fitting together in a way that no one else ever could.

“Stay,” you implore him once more, your voice soft but earnest.

“Only if you promise to go on a date with me,” he says against your lips.

You blink blearily up at him, your mind still lost in the moment. “A date?” you ask, almost in wonder. There was a time when the two of you spent everyday together, back when you were in the purgatory between best friends and something more. But in retrospect, you’ve never gone on an actual date. Despite everything you’ve done so far, the thought of going out with Cassian is what sends your heart racing.

“Okay,” you finally agree, your voice barely above a whisper.

Cassian’s smile is radiant, a bright light in this wretched world. And for the first time in a long while, you look forward to the future.

Author’s Note: Hello! I’m new to this fandom & I’m so down bad I started writing fics again. I’d love to hear your thoughts 💙

+ This was literally supposed to be just Cassian + shotgunning but now there's plot so here we are.

#my fic #cassian #cassian x reader #cassian x you #cassian fic #acotar fanfiction #acotar #acotar fanfic #acotar fic #a court of mist and fury #angst with a happy ending #cassian fanfic #cassian fluff

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norizzsainz · 1 day

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🌶️ NFY : BACK TO SQUARE ONE

[ carlos sainz x singer!fem!reader ] [ wc ] 0.9k

[ summary ] carlos' and y/n's breakup comes as a surprise to many of their friends. no one ever thought the couple would ever break up, but alas, y/n was always ready to do whatever was best for the love of her life — even if it meant breaking up with him.

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━━━━ MARCH 08, 2024 : AIRPORT, UNITED ARAB EMIRATES

everything was happening too quickly for you to process anything at all.

an hour ago, you had just released your international tour dates for your concerts.

half an hour later, you find out that carlos has appendicitis and needs immediate surgery for it.

an hour after that, you get a call from charles asking you to fly down to saudi arabia because everyone was being denied permission to visit carlos.

“wait, what? why do you need me to come if no one is allowed to visit him?”

“because carlos is still under anesthesia and can’t make choices for himself. they won’t let anyone but his guardian meet him. and you are his guardian, y/n. remember?”

thankfully, you were already in abu dhabi for a promo event, which meant you were only three hours away from where carlos was.

i just need to be in and out. i won’t stay long. you told yourself, swearing that you wouldn’t spend any extra time there. i will go, remove myself as his guardian, and come back; that’s all.

on your way over, you couldn’t help but laugh at the situation, finding everything amusing.

so much for breaking up and trying to be strangers.

━━━━ MARCH 08, 2024 : HOSPITAL, SAUDI ARABIA

as you walked through the halls, the urgency of the situation seemed more real, causing you to quicken your steps.

carlos was hurt. he exerted himself while he was hurt. why would he push himself so much like this?

charles was right behind you, matching your fast pace as you rushed to the vip lounge of the hospital.

“carlos sainz,” you told the front desk. “i am his guardian, y/n l/n.”

the woman politely smiled, nodding. “come with me, miss l/n. he’s out of surgery now. i will take you to go see him.” she stood from her seat, attempting to guide you to his room.

”i just, uh, i’m here to sign the papers. to provide permission for his family to see him,” you quickly said.

“oh.” the receptionist’s smile fell, looking confused. “so, you will not be seeing the patient?”

charles noted the change in the woman’s tone. “she will! she just wants to make sure his family can also see him‌,” he intervened, giving you a look.

“great! you can sign these papers here and we can go see the patient.”

you threw a wide-eyed look at charles as you signed the papers; the brunet avoiding eye-contact with you.

“thank you.” you smiled at the receptionist as you handed over the papers.

charles offered a slight smile as the receptionist guided you towards carlos’ room, wordlessly apologizing for the situation he put you in.

you winced as you noticed your ex-boyfriend’s family standing outside his room, just wanting to bury yourself in the ground.

you turned towards his mother, feeling bad. “i’m seriously sorry, mama.” you bit your lip when the name slipped out, not noticing how the elder woman’s smile widened at your words.

reyes waved off your apology, smiling widely. “you don’t have to apologise. it’s not like you knew about this.” you sighed as you heard her assuring words.

“it’s been months so i thought he must’ve removed me as his guardian.” you winced, noting the way sainz sr glared at you.

“what are we waiting for now? i need to see my son.” sainz sr tapped his foot, arms crossed as he raised his brows at you.

you didn't waste time in opening the door for your ex’s family, letting them go through.

just as you tried to step away, charles pushed you inside, ushering you forward before closing the door behind him.

“what the hell are you doing?” you whisper-yelled, brows furrowed. “let me leave! this is not what you promised!”

before charles could reason his actions, you froze as you heard your name being called by a very familiar voice.

“mi amor? what are you doing over there?” carlos' words were slurred, the anesthesia still wearing off him. “come here, please.”

you stared at your feet, trying to play it off. you were in a dangerous territory right now, with every moment being difficult for you.

ana pulled on your arm, dragging you towards her brother. your gaze widened as you made eye-contact with your ex.

“h-hello. hi.”

“carina.” carlos gave you a woozy smile, a sparkle in his eyes as he looked at you. “i'm very happy to see you, amor.”

you nodded in a rush. “i need to go now, though. i'm busy,” you stammered, noting the way sainz sr continued to glare at you.

“like, right now?”

“yes, right now, carlos.”

your mind was running wild at what sainz sr was thinking of this interaction that you couldn't properly look at carlos.

because if you did, you would've definitely seen it coming.

without a warning, carlos pulled on your arm, bringing your face closer to him.

and just like that, without a warning, he placed his lips upon yours, taking you by surprise.

you jerked your head away as soon as you processed what was happening, slapping your hands over your mouth.

“i swear that wasn't—i didn't…” you tried to explain yourself to your ex's family who looked just as surprised.

“that anesthesia must be strong as fuck,” ana commented in awe. “i wonder if i can get some of that, too.”

you were a stuttering mess as you tried to explain yourself, just opting to run out of the room after saying your goodbyes.

“i'll just leave. bye, mr sainz. bye, mama. bye, ana. fuck you, charles.”

you sprinted out the door before anyone could say anything, not stopping until you were outside the hospital.

no one had run after you and you were thankful for that, because the last thing you wanted was to talk about what had just happened.

so much for thinking i was doing well and moving on. now i'm back to square one. fuck.

TAGLIST : @d3kstar , @khaylin27 , @sailing-with-100-ships , @lorenakaspersen , @be-your-coffee-pot , @shakespereansonnet , @sltwins , @laneyspaulding19 , @vizzzashley , @fangirl125reader , @lewisvinga , @c-losur3 , @yeetskeetstreet , @sam-is-lost , @imsiriuslyreal , @ilove-tswizzle , @bernelflo , @mycenterfold , @justkalcpxia , @multi-fandom-fan221b , @jinimon-tr , @neivivenaj , @jointhehunt67 , @fangirl-dot-com , @brune77e , @brekkers-whore , @honethatty12 , @bokutos-babyowl , @shineforever19 , @spideybv28 , @princessria127 , @hiireadstuff , @ari-nicole , @yl90 , @sp1rl , @evie-119 , @minkyungseokie , @tinyhrry , @barcelonaloverf1life , @goldenharrysworld

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#[📝] works #f1 x reader #f1 #carlos imagines #carlos scenarios #carlos sainz imagines #carlos x reader #cs55 x reader #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz drabbles #f1 drabbles #f1 imagines #f1 scenarios #f1 carlos #carlos sainz #carlos

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jvpiterzs · 15 hours

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𐙚 DROWNING OUT THE NOISE — PERCY JACKSON .ᐟ ˚⋆. ˚ ₊ · ͟͟͞͞➳ ꒰ golden retriever!percy jackson x fem!black cat!reader — a riordanverse fic ꒱

— ordered﹔yes / no - here!! — ingredients﹔fluffy whipped cream, use of y/n, purpose use of lowercase alphabet soup, probably not well proofread, lmk if i missed anything! — wc﹔1.2k+ — recipe﹔read the order above :) — cassie's tea time﹔YAYYAYAY FIRST REQUEST!! <3 ik campers can't usually use their phones since it sends out signals to monsters and all but i wrote it so the hephaestus cabin made electronics that don't attract monsters and all!! i also didn't know what to put for the photos above sooooo

﹙the cafe // dishes // menu // barista board﹚

y/n always wore her headphones. it was like her shield, a way to drown out the noise of the world around her. social anxiety was something she'd battled for as long as she could remember, and the headphones were her safe place — a place she would retreat into whenever she could.

going to camp half-blood was supposed to be different. it was like the perfect place for misfits and somewhere she could finally feel like she belonged, according to her satyr protector long ago. but on her first day, she found herself reaching for her headphones more than ever. she kept to the edges, avoiding eye contact and hoping to blend into the background. it was ironic; she felt like a misfit in a place full of misfits.

but percy jackson had a way of noticing things. and he noticed her.

percy had always been the kind of person who made friends easily, especially being the saviour of olympus and a son of one of the big three. he had a laid-back, golden retriever kind of personality. so when he spotted the girl, always with her headphones on and keeping to herself, he was naturally intrigued.

"hey," percy said one day, walking up to her after archery practice. y/n looked up, startled, and pulled one side of her headphones off.

"hi," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

"sorry, i didn't mean to startle you. i'm percy," he said sheepishly, offering her a friendly smile. "i've seen you around."

"y/n," she introduced herself, fiddling with the cord of her headphones.

"cool headphones," percy remarked, hoping he could ease the tension. "whatcha listening to?"

y/n hesitated, not sure why the percy jackson would be talking to her. she took off her headphones, handing them to percy. percy accepted them with a smile, putting them on as the music flowed into his ear. "no way, you listen to them too?? i swear, i've never seen anyone listen to this artist. i like your taste."

she relaxed a little, a small smile appearing on her face. "i adore them, they're my favourite band ever."

percy couldn't help but grin as she smiled, happy that she relaxed even a little bit. "mine too. what's your favourite song by them?"

days turned into weeks, and percy made it his mission to break through y/n's walls. he started inviting her to join him by the lake, offering her training lessons or sometimes following her around like a lost puppy as she chuckled. slowly but surely, she began to come out of her shell.

one sunny afternoon, percy noticed y/n sitting alone under the shade of a tree by the lake. she gazed at the water as she listened to the music flowing from her headphones. percy approaches her with a wave.

"hey, y/n," percy greets.

"hey, percy." she looked up, giving him a smile and removing her headphones.

"mind if i join you?"

she shook her head, and he settled in beside her. "what're you listening to today?"

y/n handed him her headphones, and percy listened for a moment. "i love this album." he hums before handing the headphones back.

"why d'you always wear your headphones?" percy decides to ask, dipping his hands in the cool water. they always spent their free time there together, not that any of them complained. they enjoyed eachother's company. "you don't gotta answer." he added quickly, not wanting to intrude her privacy.

y/n took a deep breath. "they help me cope. with... pretty much everything. the noise, the people. it all gets too much sometimes." she admits softly, looking down at the headphones in her hands.

percy nodded understandingly. "i get it. everyone needs something to help them through tough times, y'know?"

"yeah," she said softly, meeting his gaze. "i appreciate, by the way. for being so nice to me. i know i'm not the easiest person to be friends with."

"are you kidding?" Percy snorted, shaking his head. "you're awesome. you just need someone to see it."

y/n blushed, looking away as a shy smile played on her lips.. "yeah, maybe."

from that day forward, their friendship only seemed to grow even further. percy was there for her every step of the way, helping y/n find her confidence that she never knew she had. in return, y/n's calm presence helped ground percy's impulsive nature. they balanced each other out perfectly.

y/n realised how much she'd changed. she wasn't the same girl who hid behind her headphones. she still wore them, but now they were like a part of her rather than a shield.

"thank you, percy," she said suddenly as they sat at the beach.

"for what?" he asked, glancing over at her.

"for helping me," she replied, meeting his eyes.

percy smiled, reaching out to take her hand. "always. we're in this together."

it wasn't long before percy realised his feelings for y/n. he wouldn't admit it to himself, though. all of their hangouts by the lake and beach, the times where they'd listen to their favourite artists together, or the times percy had held her hand as he taught her how to wield a sword.. no, it couldn't be.

as the sun dipped below the horizon, a golden glow casting over the camp, percy found himself standing at the edge of the lake, waiting for y/n at their spot. she arrived, headphones around her neck as usual, with a smile that warmed his heart. a smile that y/n knew percy liked, so she wore more often. they sat together, side by side, in comfortable silence.

"percy," y/n said quietly, her voice barely audible over the soft push and pull of the lake's water.

"yeah?" he replied, turning to look at her.

"why are you so nice to me?" she asked, her eyes searching his.

percy took a deep breath, his heart pounding. "because... i like you, y/n. i like spending time with you.uou make everything better. and, well, i.. i think you're pretty amazing."

y/n's eyes widened in surprise, her cheeks turning a rosy shade of pink. "you do?"

percy nodded, staring down at the lake as he blushed. "yeah, i do. and i want to be there for you, always. if you'll let me."

she reached out and squeezed his hand. "i'd like that, percy. I'd like that a lot."

percy felt a wave of relief wash over him. he had been so nervous about confessing his feelings, but y/n’s response made it all worth it.

y/n turned to percy with a thoughtful expression. "you know, i never thought i’d find someone who understands me like you do."

percy smiled, reaching out to brush a strand of hair from her face. "you’ve helped me too, you know."

"how?" she asked, genuinely curious.

"you’ve helped me slow down, appreciate the little things. you’ve shown me that it's okay to take a break and just be in the moment. otherwise i probably would've hurt myself." percy laughed.

y/n laughed along with him, smiling brightly "i'm glad."

percy found himself looking forward to their time together more than anything else. he appreciated every moment when he made her laugh, the way her eyes lit up when she talked about her favorite music, and the peaceful silence they shared by the lake.

as they sat by the lake, y/n turned to percy with a serious expression. "you’ve helped me so much, percy. i don’t think i can ever thank you enough."

"you don’t have to thank me," he replied, squeezing her hand gently. "i’m just glad i could be here for you."

"i want to do something for you," she insisted. "anything. name it."

percy thought for a moment, then smiled. "just stay by my side and be yourself. that’s all i need."

— thank you for placing your order, and i hoped you enjoyed your meal! kisses from jvpiterzs <3 — cafe guest list﹔n/a

#₊ ˚ ‧ ୭ৎ — jvpiterzs .ᐟ ★#✮ cassie's cafe creations ᡣ𐭩 #percy jackson #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x you #percy jackson x yn #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackson imagine #percy jackson fanfic #percy jackson fic #pjo #pjo imagine #pjo fanfic #pjo fic #pjo x you #pjo x yn #pjo x y/n #pjo x reader

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nycbaby21 · 1 day

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"So what if I was?"

prompt: “Aww. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were worried about me. + “So what if I was?”

word count:2,139

warnings: blood, maybe two cuss words

“C’mon it’ll be fun y/n,” Liana begged me. “I’ll get on my hands and knees,” she added going down when I grabbed her shoulders and stopped her. “No it’s okay no need for all of that,” I laugh,” I’ll go. Just because I love you.” Everyone laughed and grabbed their skates and headed for the door. That was the thing about when Mat came back home for a visit, he was never alone. Someone always came with him, whether that be a girl or one of his teammates. Luckily for me this time it was the latter.

“Okay so how are we gonna do this,” Tito asked sitting down lacing up his skates. As I sat beside him on the bench right next to the frozen lake, I began to tie my own skates up. “Obvisouly the two of you can’t be on a team that’s unfair,” my best friend pointed out to her brother and his friend. “So it’s a lose-lose situation,” Mat groans stepping onto the oce. “What do you mean by that,” i snap back already sick of the constant attitude he had since he came home three days ago.

“Oh c’mon. You’re a smart girl, or is that just a front so you can go off and party your way through college,” Mat smirks throwing yet another dig my direction. We didn’t always have such a draining relationship. Once upon a time I considered Mat a friend, not just because I was best friends with his sister but we were friends. Something changed and as sad as it was to realize him stepping away and being cold towards me just made me realize something I had tried to push away for so long. I had feelings for Mat and everytime he has a smart remark or a comment about me it breaks my heart just a little more.

“Some of us actually care about an education rather than trying to get by on our pretty looks,” I quip back stepping onto the ice and doing a small turn. “You think I’m pretty,” he smirekd my way and I wanted nothing more than to swipe that smug look off of his gorgeous face. “How about you and Beau goof around while we skate for a bit,” Lia suggested. I knew that she missed her brother and playing hockey with him. I took and deep breath and then let it out. “No Li you play around with them for a little. I’m a big girl I’ll be fine skating by myself,” i smile at her and watch her face brighten. “Are you sure,” she asked and when I nodded she launched forward pulling us both down as she hugged me.

After some time I was growing bored so the same small circles so I started to do some spins and tricks, remembering some of the small details from ice skating lessons years ago. As I did a jump and turn I didn’t stick it and fell on my butt. Sighing I get up and dust off the ice. “Wow that was just sad,” I hear Mat shout from across the lake. I flip him off and try the jump again this time going harder. I landed it perfectly but with just a little too much force and the hit started to crack. I froze not knowing what to do. My eyes snapped up to meet the other three. They could all sense something wrong and they were a distance away. Mat slowly skated my way, Tito and Lia behind him. He was the closest to me so he would het there first.

“Hey look at me okay.”You’re gonna be fine,” his voice was calming and I nodded shifting my weight and hearing the crack get louder. I look down and start to wobble. “Hey no, look at me okay? You can’t look down,” I met his eyes and didn’t break my focus on them. He carefully made his way closer to me and surveyed his surrounding looking for the best way to get me out of this mess. He didn’t have anytime to think because the ice gave way. I tensed up waiting for the freezing lake water to surround me but the only thing i felt was a warm body colliding with mine and us both falling onto the ground a few feet away from the hole in the ice.

“Shit,” Mat hissed out and I looked up feeling a dull ache in my head from moving ti too fast. I realized that my forehead made contact with his nose on the way down and it was know bleeding. “Oh my gosh. Mat I am so so sorry. Are you okay,” I ask pulling some tissue from my pocket and applying pressure to his nose to stop the bleeding.

“Aw. If I didn’t know any better I’d say that you were worried about me,” he says forcing a laugh. I roll my eyes and hold the napkin onto his nose to try and stop the bleeding. I look down at him scanning his face for any other injuries, finally meeting his brown eyes. His forehead crinkles and he takes in my scared expression.

“So what if I was,” I whisper scared if I spoke any louder he would laugh at me or run for the hills. His hand came up and held the wrist of the arm helping stop his nose bleeding. He pulls my arm away from his face and goes to open his mouth when we are interrupted. “Oh my gosh Mat are you okay,” Tito asked rushing towards us quickly taking my place and observing Mat.

I step back and notice a group has gathered around us checking on the hockey player. As I move to make my way back to the house, I turn around and notice Mat’s eyes still on me. I feel a hand on my forearm and run to see Liana standing next to me. She gave me a sad smile. “Let’s get you out of these wet clothes and into something warmer okay,” she says sweetly leading me inside.

“How long,” her voice breaks me out of my trance and I snap my head towards her. “What,” I was shivering, not sure if it was from the cold or her question. “C’mon y/n. We’ve been best friends forever, I know you better than anyone else. And you know me better than anyone else right,” she asked waiting for me to respond. I nodded my head and pulled a sweatshirt over my head. I joined her on the couch and she tossed her blanket over to cover us both.

“So I know when you are upset and more so when you are hiding something,” her eyes give me a once over and I sigh knowing she is right. “A little over a year now,” I respond turning my head and not making eye contact. Of course, I knew what she was asking. She wasn’t dumb by any means and she was my best friend of course she could read my emotions better than anyone else. “You’ve liked my brother for that long now and never said anything,” she asked pity creeping its way onto her face. “Yep. It’s sad I know,” I sniffle fighting back the tears threatening to spill. I feel her presence and then arms wrapping around me.

“Oh, sweetie no. It is nowhere near sad,” she reassures me, hands running up and down my arms comforting me. “It is though. He has never seen me that way and he never will. Especially now that he is on the Islanders. He could have any model he wanted. Why would he pick me,” I cry finally letting all of the emotions I have had stored up for the past year out. “ No model holds a candle to you, babe. You are the most compassionate, generous, and understanding person I know. You have always had this glow around you and make anyone feel so seen and understood. Plus you are like smoking hot,” she says making me stop crying and laugh. “Thanks, Li,” I snort laughing and she joins in.

When everyone finally made their way back inside Mama Barzal helped Mat get settled in bed and finished up dinner. We all sat around the table and ate our soup trying to warm ourselves up from the exciting outdoor hockey game we held. Slowly one by one everyone finished and started to head to the living room for game night. I stayed behind to help clean up. “Hey, sweet girl. Would you mind taking this up to Mat? I need to finish this up and you don’t have to help me clean,” she smiles over at me, knowing I can’t say no to the woman who became like another mom to me many years ago.

“Of course I will,” I smile trying to hide the panic in my voice. I grabbed a bowl of the soup and put it on the bed tray along with a spoon. I carefully made my way upstairs and to his door. As I tried to steady my breathing and calm my shaking hands the door opened. “Oh shit y/n/n, I didn’t see you there,” Tito laughed moving over to the side and opening the door wider for me to come in. I slowly made my way into the room. I hadn’t seen the inside of Mat’s room since Li and I were like 17 sneaking out of his window because it was easier than using hers.

My eyes landed on the bed and then on Mat. His nose was bruised but the bleeding had stopped. He lay there in bed black compression shirt on under the covers. “Your mom asked me to bring you this,” I say quietly putting the tray on the bedside table and turning to walk out of the room. He reaches out and grabs my hand pulling me backwards and to him. “I’m gonna go see if Mama B needs any help,” Tito says excusing himself. Mat laughed,” Real subtle buddy.” My eyes drift down toward our connected hands. “Will you sit please,” he asked his voice shaking.

“Are you okay,” I ask sitting near the edge of the bed never once pulling my hand from his. “Physically yeah. My nose isn’t broken or anything just bruised up pretty good. Mentally not so much,” he sighs looking down at our hands, his thumb rubbing circles on mine. “Why aren’t you okay mentally,” I ask finding his eyes with my own. “Because I am an idiot. All of these years I never noticed. The one thing I was trying to find was here the whole time,” his voice wavers and he pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth, a nervous habit he and his sister share.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I say breaking eye contact and letting my eyes drift around the room until they land on a small picture frame on his dresser. It was of the two of us and Liana after his draft. “You wanna know why I kept that one,” he asked. I turn to look at him and nod. “Because no matter how hard I tried to hate the picture I couldn’t, because you were in it. You with that beautiful smile and those sweet eyes looking at me. I had the biggest crush on you growing up. I guess I just always hoped you felt the same way,” he said his brown eyes scanning my face for any kind of discomfort. “What,” I whisper wondering if I had heard him right.

“You have always been in my life, not always by my choice but you were there. Every good or bad memory you were there. And when I moved out and to the city I didn’t see you as much. So I got upset thinking you were only ever there because of Lia. I don’t know what I was thinking honestly. So whenever you came with them to visit or I came home I was an ass to you because I hurt my own feelings thinking something more.” After his long speech, I couldn’t help but lean forward and capture his lips with mine. It was a sweet short kiss and then when I pulled back he rushed forward grabbing my cheeks and bringing me back into him. I shifted forward and went to run my hands through his hair when he hissed and pulled away in pain.

“Oh my god Mat I am so sorry. I completely forgot about your nose,” I rush out grabbing his face and moving it all different angles to see if I caused any further damage. “So worth it,” he smiled leaning forward and connecting our lips again.

#nycbaby21works #nhl imagine #new york islanders #mat barzal #mat barzal imagine

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the-ace-with-spades · 23 hours

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another bit from the just hold my hand fic that probably won't ever be written

I wrote the little thingy about Bradley and Jake's middle kid, Ronnie, being a bit of Ice's favorite, and Mav might have a bit of a soft spot for PJ, their youngest (so far...) boy because of the shared name and the overall cuteness and clinginess PJ has.

But it's the twins, the oldest girls, Tommy and Nicky, that have everyone wrapped around their fingers.

This is mostly due to that one) they can speak, being almost six and all, two) they speak a lot and it's hard to keep up, and three) Mav and Ice missed the most out of their childhood, the over five years they didn't know Tommy and Nicky existed, so they might be overdoing it on spoiling them a little bit to catch up... (Or a lot, if you ask Bradley or Jake)

The thing is, the girls are starting school and with that, they meet new friends and this means new obsessions and things they want - it's mostly just trendy clothes, toys that they've never been interested in and dance and gymnastics classes, but nonetheless, it's something else.

Bradley and Jake are mostly good at fending off unnecessary or expensive requests and agreeing to the more reasonable ones (same as Jake's mom, who is used to having to budget for a lot of kids wants, being a mom of six herself), with Jake being the firmer hand on this occasion - Bradley was the one who stayed on parental leave with the kids when they were small and has a bit more of soft hand when it comes to spoiling them...

One of the things Nicky and Tommy get obsessed with is getting a puppy.

Obviously, Jake and Bradley say no. Not because they think a puppy would be bad for their family - Jake grew up with farm dogs and would love his kids to grow up with a dog - but because the logistics are a bit tough. There's already so much to do with four kids and more on the way, and dogs need a lot of attention as well. They're stationed in San Diego, for now, but it can also change, and it's hard enough trying to move a family of seven, not to mention a family of seven and a dog.

Now, Tommy and Nicky aren't blind to how much their grandpas are spoiling them. So they might or might not be especially vocal about wanting a dog around them. Maybe even suggest that they'd like a puppy for Christmas or something and just tell them about all the stuff they'd do with a puppy if they got one.

Of course Mav and Ice fall for it.

They're not as crazy as to buy/adopt a puppy for the kids without at least telling Bradley, and Bradley, you know, teases them a little for being so soft and letting themselves get 'manipulated' by six-year-olds but in the end, he tells them there's no way they can have a puppy now, no matter how much the girls want one.

The same night, Ice finds Mav browsing animal rescue sites on the couch, laptop on his knees as he makes notes in a little notebook.

Bradley said no, he signs, but Mav only shrugs.

"I know," Mav says and then pointedly, adds, "I'm not looking for a dog for them."

It takes Ice a minute to understand what Mav means but once he does, he sits down with him on the couch.

And it's not like Mav is looking for a dog just for the twins - he and Ice will be taking care of the puppy most of the time, and Mav admits that a dog is something he hasn't let himself have because of the life they were living (in the Navy, mainly) but he's retired now, and he had a dog when he was a kid and like it, and maybe it'll get Ice out of the house more often as well...

So, yeah, they get a french bulldog. And the kids love her - she was a rescue from a puppy farm and named Katharine Hepburn (called Hep by the breeders) and the kids swiftly rename her Kat, which everyone finds a bit silly but indulges.

Maybe Jake and Bradley give them a bit of a stinky eye over dinner (mostly Jake, not that Mav cares that much...), but Bradley only shakes his head and tells them they can't keep getting the kids everything they want. Well, personally Mav thinks they can at least try.

Kat is an amazing addition to the house. She likes to sleep in Ice's lap whenever he does paperwork in his office and prompts him for breaks when she begs for a walkie every few hours. She also makes them go out on walks on the beach or to the park more often and whenever the kids are there, she glows at the attention - they always keep an eye just in case the kids get a bit rough with her, but she's very patient and never gets bored enough to stop playing with them and lets the twins carry her around in her little bag. She gets plenty of exercise and affection and quality food and Mav also has someone to keep him company when he makes breakfast in the morning or someone to keep Ice's cold feet away from his calves at night. The twins like to buy her little cute accessories and feed her healthy snacks and take her out to the dog park. It's a win-win in Mav's head.

Kat is great and if her presence makes the twins want to visit more often - that's just another bonus.

#icemav #hangster #old married icemav getting a dog is something so soft and personal to me #they need grandkids and a dog okay #hangster kids #just hold my hand tag

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bananayuyu · 1 day

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Hopeless Desire

Pairing: Yunho x f reader

Genre: smut, fluff, bits of angst

Word count: 12.5k

Summary: You were Mingi's younger sister by six years, and had a crush on his best friend Yunho since you were nine. You harbored this crush for years, never thinking it would go anywhere. Little did you know, Yunho had recently started to feel the same. But you're his best friend's little sister, so what can he do?

Warnings: MDNI, smut, fingering, vague mentions of toxic family dynamics (honestly very vague), vague mentions of Mingi having mental health issues (also very vague), pls lmk if I missed anything!

A/n: This idea came to me a few weeks ago and I had to start writing it; hoping this reaches it's intended audience if it reaches anyone at all. Please enjoy :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You will never forget the day you met Jeong Yunho.

It was a humid summer day, the late August weather completely punishing. Only a few weeks before the start of school, your older brother Mingi had brought you along for the day at your mother's request, slightly begrudgingly. You and Mingi were close but there were six years between you, and at certain ages this age gap was challenging. The now fifteen year old didn't want his little sister disrupting his plans with his best friend. He tried not to let his feelings show, not wanting to hurt your feelings. He was just sad that him and Yunho couldn't spend the whole day by themselves.

Him and Yunho brainstormed appropriate activities for a nine year old, and finally landed on taking you to the popular amusement park in town. You don't remember your trip on the train, it was ten years ago now. But you do remember the important things. You remember walking up to the gates and seeing him standing there, struck by how tall he was. You remember him buying your ticket for you, and buying an ice cream for you. You remember him shielding your eyes from the sun while you stood in line for the most popular ride. You remember him making you drink water so you wouldn't become faint. You remember every little touch, every time he kept you from running into an oblivious man with a backpack hurrying through the crowd to find his family, or when he sat behind you and held you close on the scariest ride that even Mingi refused to go on. It was sweet, nothing but sweet then. Yunho was charmed by your excitement and energy. He had heard Mingi mention you many times over the past year and felt grateful to have met you. He knew Mingi was protective, despite it not being a common way for Mingi to feel. You were his little sister, after all.

From then on you saw him here and there, always extremely happy to. You always wanted to see Yunho, whenever you could. As you grew so did Mingi and Yunho, until suddenly one day you looked at them and saw young men, saw the beginnings of facial hair begin to sneak onto their faces as they both surpassed six feet tall. You were still in middle school just barely hitting puberty, your height still under five feet and body still unchanged. The boys began pursuing their careers, auditioning for the same company. You couldn't have been more proud. And then your body began to change and suddenly you weren't a total kid anymore, either. Suddenly you were in high school and life became more serious, more in your hands. All of the sudden, you began developing sexual attraction and soon your thoughts surrounded only one person. Jeong Yunho.

Your friends had teased you for years about having a crush on him, because you always talked so excitedly about seeing him. You always brushed them off and insisted he was like another older brother. But your thoughts had begun to change and now you wondered if they had been right all along. Yunho had always been kind and caring towards you, always made you feel safe when you were watching a scary movie or if the three of you had stayed out past sunset. So did Mingi, so you never questioned it. You never questioned how often he held your hand or offered carry you home, and you certainly never questioned how warm and delighted these actions made you feel. Until now.

All of high school was torturous. No one else made you feel the way Yunho did, but still you knew it could never happen. You were so much younger than him, and he was now becoming and idol with your older brother. There were countless circumstances working against you, and you knew it. No matter how often you touched yourself at night thinking of him, you woke the next morning knowing it was only a fantasy. So you went through the motions of high school, graduating with decent grades and not ruffling any feathers. You missed your brother and Yunho dearly, so after college you were determined to live near them again.

After being accepted into university, Mingi and Yunho helped you move into an apartment in the same building as the boys. You began visiting them often, being one of the few people they were permitted to have over to the apartment regularly. School was fine and you had friends, but nothing compared to being able to spend time with your brother and his closest friend, as well as the other members of their group. You played games with them, ate with them, watched movies with them. You always found yourself sitting next to Yunho, eating Yunho's food, and poking fun at him. You didn't intend to, but you couldn't help your immense crush from growing and growing. You found yourself dressing up to go hang out at their dorm, despite it being down time. You swore you would find him staring at you sometimes and then he would blink away once your eyes met his.

Then, when you were nineteen, the boys moved into three separate apartments. Mingi lived with San and Seonghwa, and now Yunho lived only with Yeosang, the two of them living in a cozy two bedroom apartment. This new arrangement was when everything changed, when the world finally opened up. Finally, you had alone time with Yunho.

"Can I come see the new place?" you were on the phone with Yunho, just a day after everyone had moved. You just finished visiting Mingi; Yunho now lived in the same building but one floor up.

"But nothing is set up yet, Yeosang was busy today and I've barely had time to set up my own room. You're gonna think we're pathetic," Yunho replied.

"You know I don't care, Yunho. I just want to see it. I'll come see it again once it's all set up, I'm sure." At your last sentence, Yunho snorted slightly. Then cleared his throat. An awkward silence followed. "What?" you asked, rolling your eyes. Why was he being so weird?

"Nothing, sorry. Of course you can come see it. I'll unlock the front door, just let yourself in."

You opened the front door to their living room, still mostly covered in boxes and tools. "Hi!" you called out just as Yunho exited his room. Yunho smiled when he saw you, then looked down and saw your flimsy sandals and looked concerned.

"Be careful y/n, there are nails and screws on the ground in here. Here just... come to the kitchen. I should work on putting things away in there."

With a hand on your arm and a hand on your back he led you into their small kitchen, letting go to begin unpacking some bowls and plates and placing them into a cabinet above the counter. You jumped up so you were sitting on the counter, swinging your feet back and forth and glancing around.

"I like your new place, it's really cute," you said, sincerely. The apartment was small but not too small, a perfect dwelling for two people. The kitchen was new and nice, and the living room had a large window that led to a small balcony.

"Cute?" he repeated with a chuckle, looking down at you. Despite being sat up on the counter, Yunho was still taller than you. You had only managed to grow a few inches between middle school and sophomore year of college.

"Yes cute," you say, giving him a sarcastic smile. "Just like you," you tease, pinching one of his cheeks. He pinches both of your cheeks in retaliation and then pinches your bare waist, causing you to yelp slightly. You playfully punch him in the arm, instigating a full on play-fight. Before you know it you're slipping off the counter and awkwardly landing, about to collapse embarrassingly onto the floor. But Yunho catches you and places you back on the counter again, giving you a stern look.

"I have important unpacking to do y/n, you should really stop distracting me," he says, his sarcastic tone contradicting his serious expression.

"Oh shut up," you say, sticking your tongue out at him.

"You still act like such a child sometimes," he replies. You pout, whispering out an involuntary sorry. You never want to annoy him. "No no, it's cute," he says, "it's just hard to believe you're an adult now. Hard to believe you're in your second year of college." You look at him and he's stopped stacking plates, the look in his eye somewhat distant. "I've known you for so long, almost as long as Mingi. Sometimes I feel like you're one of the only people I can trust who isn't one of the members. I hope you know I'm very thankful for that."

You are struck by his sincerity. It is not something you are accustomed to from him. Usually he is joking around, usually he is trying to make everyone laugh. You stare into his eyes for a moment, feeling like something has shifted. But you can't tell what. You want to reach out and hug him. You want to do more than hug him, you realize. You stare out of the living room window in silence, not realizing how much time has passed.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, sorry. You just never talk like that, I didn't know how to respond..." you look at him again but now he won't meet your eyes.

"I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable," he says, now busying himself again with stacking up the plates. You can feel the slight tension now, can see it in his shoulders and neck.

"No no, not at all. Yunho.." you scoot yourself slightly down the counter so you are right in from of him, and without thinking reach your arms out to hug him, snaking them around his waist. He reaches around your shoulders and pulls your head to his chest, resting his head on top of yours. "Sorry, I just didn't know what to say. I'm glad you feel that way. You mean so much to me, you know. You're so respectful and kind and..." you trail off, your voice slightly muffled by his torso. Above you Yunho is smiling, his eyes closed and the tension from his shoulders evaporating. His feelings for you had been slowly developing in the last year or so, but he always felt so awkward with Mingi and the other boys around. He has complicated feelings about your age. He feels guilty, but a little hug never hurt anyone, right? He kisses the top of your head and begins rubbing your bare low back, melting into your softness. He had been unpacking and setting up his room all day after moving heavy boxes and furniture in the morning. The fatigue is starting to get to him.

"I'm exhausted, you want to watch a movie or something? I got my little TV set up in my room," he asks.

"We should make some food, too," you say. "I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry," he retorts. So you punch him again. "And always violent too," he adds, laughing. So you shove him out of the way and grab some veggies from the fridge to make with some rice. "You always want to eat so healthy," Yunho jokes, rolling his eyes.

"Guess I'll just make enough for one then," you say, which earns you another pinch on your waist. This time you're armed with a spatula, so when he laughs at your squeal you go to threaten him with it. But he catches your arm before you can make contact, holding your forearm high above your head. Suddenly that tension is back, and you feel his body move towards you, the warmth in the air increasing every so slightly. You stare up at him, and then down, and you swear it's by accident but you find yourself staring right at his crotch. His slightly bulging crotch, you're fairly certain. But you're only staring for a moment before you realize and look back up, embarrassment making your cheeks go slightly pink. You feel your whole body flush, not just your cheeks. You feel heat run down your spine right to your core. You realize you want him holding you in this position, but in another context. This realization makes your cheeks redden even further. You feel your body tense and tingle, and suddenly it's too much, and he's just staring at you as if nothing at all is happening. You finally shove him away, the three seconds that elapsed feeling like an eternity.

"Go put something on, I'll have food ready in a sec," you say, trying to keep your voice steady. Everything that is happening today is unexpected, and you feel slightly dazed and very turned on. You did not think Yeosang wouldn't be home; you did not think you'd be getting alone time with Yunho.

After finishing your food the two of you settle into Yunho's bed, watching the Marvel movie he decided to put on. You don't entirely understand what is happening but he explains some things, and overall you are more focused on the fact that you are lying in his bed with his arms around you. He beckoned you to him as soon as you climbed in and of course you obliged. He began stroking your hair with one hand, holding you close to him with his other arm. You had cuddled up to him many times when the members all lived together, when it was dark in the room and everyone was watching a movie late at night. Realistically, this wasn't all that different. But this time, before you knew it, you had fallen asleep.

"Y/n," Yunho whispers into your ear, causing your awareness to suddenly return to you. You squint around, seeing the credits rolling on his little TV. You groan, the excitement of the day having zapped your energy, your head aching slightly. You yawn, deeply. You close your eyes again, snuggling your head into Yunho's chest and groaning again.

"I'm sleepy.." you slur out, squeezing your eyes shut and your eyebrows together.

"I know sweetie," Yunho speaks quietly so as not to disturb you, rubbing his hand on your back again to comfort you. "Just sleep here tonight. I have to get up early anyway, so you won't be late for college or anything. You just need to go brush your teeth, just use one of my extra toothbrushes." You groan again at this suggestion, which makes him laugh. "Come on," he says while hoisting you up, leading you on wobbly legs to his personal bathroom. He sits you up on his counter, pulling out an extra toothbrush for you and putting toothpaste on. You look at him through hooded eyes, your exhaustion still not escaping you. "You want me to actually brush them for you too?" he asks. You stick your tongue out at him again, your tired state bringing out the childishness ten fold. "Open up," he commands, and you obey. And he tries to brush your teeth for you, but finally your adult brain has somewhat caught up and your hand reaches up to finish the job yourself. "There you go," he says, and you bump into him to finally spit into the sink. After washing your face you stare up at him.

"I need lip balm," you pout. Yunho can't help but think you're the cutest person he's ever known. That pout does things to him, and he's beginning to wonder if you know. He pulls out his lip balm and begins rubbing it across your lips, running his thumb along your bottom lip. Your mouth involuntarily begins to open and Yunho feels himself getting hard again. He'd been trying to keep it at bay all afternoon and evening, but he's continually failed. He only hopes that you haven't noticed, in case it would freak you out.

Finally you are both ready for bed and Yunho leads you into his bed before joining you, coming to lay behind you and wrap his arms around your waist. He cannot believe this is happening; the timing was all too perfect. With Yeosang out for the day the two of you finally have time to yourselves, without having to tell anyone. He feels guilt start to warm his neck, but again pushes it aside. You're tired and in need of sleep, and all you're doing is cuddling, right? You've done this plenty of times before, and Mingi had no issue.

You begin to squirm, wanting to face him, wanting to see his beautiful face up close in the soft light of the night. You feel exhausted but there's something within you keeping you awake, not allowing you to miss such a rare opportunity. 'What's wrong?' Yunho whispers as you turn yourself around, but then he realizes you just wanted to be facing him. His breath hitches at the sight of your face only inches away from his. You reach up, gently brushing your fingers over his cheeks and jaw, then running one along his eyebrow and staring deeply into his eyes. You yawn, your body's exhaustion now fighting with your brain. But you remain awake, mesmerized by his beautiful face, his cheeks, his dark brown hair sweeping over his forehead.

"Yunho, what do you think of me?" you ask, pulling yourself closer to him still, your hand now latched onto his upper arm. He's come to rest his hand on your waist.

"What do you mean? I think the world of you, you know that. I'm very proud of how well you're doing at school. And you're very supportive of Mingi, which he needs. He's sensitive, and you don't make him feel bad for that. You're a very strong person, very understanding. Very good.." he trails off slightly, smiling at you in the dim light.

"No no, I mean, do you think of me like a younger sister? Like, how do you see me?" you're blushing from his kind words but you're tired and need to know the answer. It is all you've been thinking about all day.

"Well, no. Not anymore-" he starts.

"So you used to?" you ask, attempting to keep your voice from wobbling with worry.

"Yeah, when you were little. You were so little when I first met you, obviously I thought of you that way. But now you're grown up. You're very different now," he finishes. You take in a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. It was your biggest worry, that his kindness and teasing and protectiveness only came from him seeing you as a younger sibling. You sometimes worried he felt obliged to be nice because you were his best friend's younger sister. But something deep within you knew he felt more comfortable with you than almost anyone. You just didn't want to say it aloud, didn't want to admit it to anyone, even yourself. You didn't know what it would mean, or if it would mean anything. You worried it would upset Mingi, even upset the other members. You didn't know what your friends would think. All of these worries sat in the back of your mind simmering away, never dominating your thoughts but never fully disappearing. But the isolation of the night finally allowed you the chance to ask. And though his answer was vague, it was better than nothing. You were sure he thought of you as more than just a little sibling, and were pretty sure he liked you too. Again, you just didn't know what that would mean.

"I've never thought of you as a brother," you say, which earns a slightly surprised look from Yunho. The time and darkness makes you bolder than usual. "You're too attractive for me to think of you that way," you giggle from embarrassment, turning your gaze down so he can't meet your eyes. You expect him to laugh too, expect him to tease you for saying that. You expect him to tell you you're clearly exhausted and need to just go to sleep. But Yunho does none of these things. He swallows, and moves his hand from your waist to your cheek, gently stroking down to your jaw and moving your head up so you meet his gaze. Your eyes are large and full of surprise as they meet his.

And then his lips are on yours, soft and gentle and perfect. You feel his breath brush over your cheek as he opens his mouth, his tongue grazing your bottom lip and causing deep and rapid breaths to fall from your opening lips. The kiss deepens and he moves closer to you, your legs now intertwining, your hands moving up underneath his shirt to feel the warmth of his skin. It is not something you've done before yet the entire thing feels perfectly natural, as if you've known your whole life how to move your lips and tongue in sync with his. The feeling of his strong lean body makes your head feel fuzzy, and his large hand on your chin and neck make you feel suddenly small. It's unlike anything you've felt before and you realize you really like this feeling. The kiss has deepened further, and now Yunho is pulling back to suck and nip at your bottom lip, just the way he'd been thinking about all day. It sends sparks of pleasure down your spine and makes you involuntarily buck your hips against his leg that is resting in between yours. And then he's moving his hand down from your face to your hip, and sliding into your sweats, and finally into your panties to grab onto your ass and guide you to keep rubbing yourself against his thigh. You're desperately grabbing onto him and kissing him now, your need growing relentlessly.

Yunho wants to rip your clothes off, his mind entirely leaving him in the first moments of your kiss, but suddenly his brain is messing with him, reminding him of everything else. Your age, your relation to his best friend, and as far as he knew, your inexperience. It pulls at him, while simultaneously his body pulls him the opposite direction, towards you, towards your lips wet from his tongue, towards the warmth emanating from between your legs where you slowly are coming undone. He runs his hand all over you now, feeling the warmth of your skin now, feeling your hard nipples through your thin top. Of course, you had no bra on. It seemed to him that every time he'd seen you recently you hadn't been wearing one. He's pulled away so he can watch you face and hear your moans more clearly, and now he can watch you rub yourself on his leg, too. He's so hard at this point, it's becoming almost painful. He's never felt so turned on at seeing someone else's pleasure. You've never done something quite like this, never pleasured yourself without even taking off your pants, but Yunho's touches and kisses make you feel electric, like he's turned on a switch in your nervous system that's never been touched before. The small movements of your hips bring immense pleasure to your clit, and finally as you get closer and closer, a fogginess to your head. As if he can tell you're almost there, Yunho leans down to kiss your neck, one of your most tender areas. You feel a wave building in the depth of your stomach, a strong surge of electricity about to wash over you. And then you are nearly screaming, your moans high pitched and probably penetrating the walls of the apartment, and you suddenly feel warmth all over, a tingling in your fingers and toes. You've never come so hard in your life, or for so long. Your breathing is ragged and hard and you grab onto Yunho for dear life, riding out the feeling as long as you could. His hands are around you now, pulling you two closer still, planting kisses on your neck and cheeks and lips. You're completed slumped against him now, your muscles spent and loose.

"I came," you whisper, followed by a short giggle.

"I know," he says, also followed by laughter.

"How?" you ask. But you know you are silly for asking.

"It wasn't hard to tell, baby," he chuckles. His voice sounds distant, like his thoughts are coming at full speed again. He tucks your head against his shoulder and holds you tight. Contemplating for a moment. He's conflicted, but he knows what he should do. "Sleep now, you're exhausted. I'll set my alarm so you don't need to worry."

He wants to do more with you, to give you more. He wants to see the look of immense pleasure on your face again. He wants to undress you, to taste you, to feel your hot, wet pussy as you come again and again. He wants to be buried inside you, to be buried in your mouth. A thousand lewd images flash across his mind making him even harder. But he recoils from the images too, again feeling the sting of guilt. One time thing, he tells himself. It has to be. But he knows it won't be. He can tell by the way you cling to him, by the way you came so hard. He doubts anyone has even made you feel that good. He doesn't understand how, given that you didn't even take your pants off. But he doesn't question how much you loved it. That he knows without a doubt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You slept like a rock, and after a few challenging minutes, so did Yunho. You both woke to the sound of his alarm, groaning simultaneously and trying to stretch. You were still tangled together, your stretching arm nearly hitting him in the face. You giggled at his exaggerated look of shock. He finally untangled himself from you and went to use the bathroom, careful to not let you see the small tent still present in his pants. Was I really hard all night, he thinks, with amusement. When he's finished peeing and brushing his teeth he comes out again to find you still in bed, your head defiantly shoved in the pillow, dramatic sighs escaping your lips.

"Y/n, don't you have to leave for your first class in like an hour?" he says. You make a loud and defiant sound in response. He sighs, and drags off the blankets, picking you up and setting you in his bathroom again. "You are not going to be late to school after spending the night with me. Everyone would kill me. Now pee, I can't do that for you." Seeing your pout again, his stomach flips. "I know I'm sorry. I would if I could." He rubs your back comfortingly as you walk towards the toilet, and then he's out and closing the door and making you both breakfast.

In the bathroom you begin to wake up fully, feeling refreshed and happy. Memories of last night wash over you like gentle waves, lulling you into a state of pleasure and contentment. You still feel sensitive. You feel it all over, but especially between your legs. You saunter out to the kitchen, eyes dragging over Yunho's bare upper body. He is ladling soup into two bowls, so you run your hand down his back gently so as not to disturb him and make him spill. You don't see it, but his face betrays the way your touch makes him feel, the gentle touch sending sparks down his body.

But suddenly he is tense and moving, putting food down in front of you and saying, "eat." He runs to his room and returns wearing an oversized hoodie. You stare at him in silence as you eat, a notable strangeness present in the air. But you can't figure out what. He stares down at your legs, still bare. All you have on are your top and underwear. It seems like he wants to say something, but no words come out. You both finish your food in silence, and you begin cleaning up your bowls. And then you hear Yeosang's door open.

His room is closer to the kitchen, and within seconds he's standing like a deer in headlights, staring at you. Then, quicker then he came, he's running back to his room, apologizing repeatedly. "Sorry, sorry! I didn't know you'd be here!" he says as he darts down the hall, his near nakedness also making him embarrassed. Suddenly you feel very awkward, and dumb. You quickly finish the dishes and dash to Yunho's room, yelling, "I'm sorry, Yeosang!" as you pass his room. It's nearly time to leave anyway so you put on your pants and make sure your hair doesn't look crazy. You need to stop home before heading to class to change your clothes and grab your books. And you need to get out of this apartment as soon as possible. A creeping feeling runs up your back to your neck, a feeling you later realize was shame. You stand completely still, waiting for Yunho to finish using the bathroom, feeling frozen and about to crack.

Yunho steps out, dressed in a black suit with a white button up, his hair still slightly messy but styled just right. He quickly sits down to put on his shoes and you are mesmerized, unable to take your eyes off him. It was always Yunho in a suit that made your heart pound, more than almost anything else. He adjusts his laces and you watch his hands work, his long strong fingers adjusting the knot. You love his hands, always have. Always felt safe in them. Now as you stare, you can't help but remember last night when his hand grazed over your hard nipple, or when he grabbed your butt and pushed you down harder onto his thigh. His hands are perfect, long and lean like him. They have a quality you just can't name. God I'm weird, you think. A suit kink and a hand kink. But you know it's just him, it's just the way that he makes everything so-

"You okay?" his question snaps you out of it, and you look at his slightly concerned face staring at you.

"Yeah," you huff out, not really sure if you are. You want to talk about what happened last night, because things feel weird now. You have a feeling it's more than just the awkwardness with Yeosang, but you can't be sure. You don't know if you have time but-

"You've got to leave, you're gonna be late," Yunho's words pull you from your thoughts again, and you nod.

"You're being weird," you slap his arm, not sure how much to say. But his playful look seems to indicate you're fine.

"Weird? Me?" he jokes with you, turning you around and walking you out the door. You make it to the front door and he opens it, guiding you through. He brushes a hand through your hair and says, "have a good day." You want to kiss him, but he seems so distant.

"You too," you mumble through a slight pout, turning and walking yourself the several blocks to your apartment building.

The whole day was hazy, spent between flashes of the pleasure of last night and flashes of the awkwardness of the morning. What happened? you thought over and over, not sure if you were asking about the night or the morning. It seemed like Yunho didn't want Yeosang to know, and that you could understand. You worried about the other boy's reactions, too. But he was being weird with you in the privacy of his room too. Not mean or cold but just... weird. You can't pinpoint the feeling, and it's starting to drive you crazy.

You give yourself a day, too busy with classes and tutoring to give it much real thought anyway. But the next day, you are over waiting. On your way home from your last class you call him.

"Y/n!" he answers in a playful tone, like he usually does. Like nothing at all has happened.

"Yunho, we need to talk," you say, heart pounding slightly. "Are you busy?"

"Not at all, I just got home," he says, then pauses. "Are you okay?" his words are kind as always but his voice is laced with trepidation. It makes you feel nervous, because he's always the one who knows what to do. You like to follow his lead on things; he never sounds unsure.

"Yunho.." you say in an annoyed tone. You want him to read your mind, but you know you shouldn't expect that. You take a quick calming breath, steadying yourself. "Yes, I'm okay. But we haven't talked in almost two days and something sort of, important happened."

"My schedule has been very busy these two days, I hope you know I wasn't ignoring you," he sounds like he's carefully choosing his words, not wanting to take a wrong step. "Was there something in particular you wanted to say?"

You take a moment to steady yourself. You're walking up the stairs to your apartment now, slightly out of breath. But you want to get it out before you reach the front door.

"Were you upset or something, the next morning? You just seemed weird," you say, managing to keep your breathing steady.

"Of course not, not at all. I just-" he cuts himself off. Again, thinking through what to say next. "We really should talk in person, if we're going to talk about this."

"Is Yeosang home?" you ask.

"Yeah, he is."

"Come to mine, then."

"Your roommates won't mind?"

"No, we're all cool with having one or two people over unannounced. Unless you are planning on being very loud, it shouldn't be a problem."

"You trust me to be a well behaved guest?" he teases.

"Yunho..." you've entered your house now, smiling at your roommate who is finishing work at your small dining table.

"Okay, I'll be there soon. That okay?"

"Yes, see you soon," you reply, a sigh leaving your lips as you end the call.

"What was that?" your roommate Tae asks you.

"Oh, Yunho's coming over," you say, which earns an oooooh from him. "It's not like that, we're just gonna talk. It sounds like he doesn't want anything else to happen, but I can't tell. I don't know..."

You moved in with your roommates Tae and Nari at the start of your second year of college, having finally met a few people at your school that you really connected with. Tae was small and delicate, a pretty boy amongst pretty boys in your school. Nari was tall and broad, with stunning short black hair and impressive shoulders. She intimidated you, the first time you met. As was your luck, the two of them were both seniors already. But thankfully they both got accepted into graduate school as well, and the three of you got to live out your college-roommate dreams. You had told them both what happened with Yunho the next day over dinner, both of them rapt and gasping dramatically at your story. You three were all quite busy, juggling school and work. Excitement like this didn't come often to the small three bedroom apartment you resided in. You liked it that way, mostly. But still, the excitement was fun.

"If he doesn't, he's crazy," Tae reassures you, sitting up from the table to come give you a hug. "We're here if you need."

You love the way you feel respected by the two of them, never prying into your life but also always making it known that they're there. They treated you like an equal, that was what you loved. They were a few years older but didn't always treat you like the baby. Not that you minded being treated like the baby, sometimes. But they respected all of you, respected that you could love childish things but also be incredibly responsible. They saw you for who you were, entirely. It was something you hadn't experienced many times in life with other people, and it had begun to shift your world view. You trusted yourself more, believed in your understanding of things. They gave you confidence, the way they treated you proving their words to be true. It was a truly special thing, knowing them.

As you walk down the hall to drop your books in your room, Nari greets you with a big hug too. "I heard," she says into your hair, "and I agree with Tae. How anyone could pass on you is beyond me." Her kindness was never-ending, despite her strong appearance. You patted her head as you walked past, thanking her.

Soon a knock came at the door and Tae answered it, welcoming Yunho in. Nari and Tae invite him in kindly, hope and anticipation present in their voices. They offered Yunho some tea, but he declined. He wanted to see you, wanted to get this talk over with. It wasn't that he'd been avoiding it, he had genuinely been busy. But he didn't want to wait any longer.

As Tae got back to his work Nari walked past you to her room, followed by Yunho. 'Keep it down tonight, our apartment is small,' she whispered teasingly, hoping to lift your spirits. It did, and you give her a joking glare. Yunho smiles at the interaction, having not heard her. But he can tell you like her, that you feel comfortable here. He's only been a few times, and only met each roommate twice. He likes them, likes that you like them most importantly.

You lead him to your room, your book bag slumped against your desk, your double bed taking up nearly half of your small room. You loved your room, loved the books and legos and plushies that covered your shelves, your colorful wardrobe full of old clothes Mingi had given you and all your favorite shirts you still had from high school. It was cozy, small. And Yunho had never been in. Very few people had, it wasn't something you allowed very often. Today you decided you'd make that exception.

You sit on the floor with your back against your bed and Yunho joins you, his long legs stretching far beyond yours. He looks at you but you can't meet his gaze, the feeling of rejection already creeping up to your throat.

"What were you going to say?" you ask.

"Can I ask how you are? You seem upset," he starts.

"I'm fine. I just know what you're gonna say. You don't want that to happen again, do you? You still do think of me as immature, don't you?" you aren't hysterical, just slightly edgy. You try hard but can't keep the slightest bit of tension from your voice.

"Y/n, I-" Yunho cuts himself off with a sigh. "No, I do not think you're immature. But do you really think it's a good idea? What would Mingi think? It's not like he ever said, 'you can't pursue my sister,' but I really doubt he'd be totally fine with it. And the other members? I lied to Yeosang, told him you slept over because you were helping me unpack until late. But I doubt he believed me. He said, 'it's fine, it's fine. Just tell me when she's over so I don't embarrass myself.' But you know Yeosang, too kind for his own good. He knows, it was obvious. I don't think he'd tell Mingi. I just..." he trails off. Sighs again. "You're nineteen." He says this part with emphasis.

You sit contemplating what he's said, a swirl of feelings running through your chest and stomach. Sure, your brother might not approve. Sure, you're nineteen. Sure-

"Do you remember when I said you're one of the only people I trust who isn't one of the members? I can't lose that." Yunho speaks firmly, like he's trying to convince you both of something.

"You won't, you won't ever lose that. I mean it. No matter what happens, Yunho. I'm not going to resent you, for anything. I know you, you won't hurt me. You take care of me, look out for me better than almost anyone. It would never come to that," you reply.

Yunho sighs, his hand coming to rest on your lower back, his body unable to keep from touching you in some way. He can tell you're tense and wants to alleviate it. It's all he ever wants when he's around you, to hold you and tease you and make you forget all the stress of normal life.

"I worry, though. I worry I'll upset you, that something will go wrong."

You sit thinking, releasing a long slow breath through your nose, closing your eyes and focusing on your feelings. "Who cares what anyone thinks? This is something between us, not them. So what does it really matter? Honestly, Mingi will probably just feel jealous at how close I am to you more than anything. And I personally don't care what anyone else thinks. I know you're closer to the members than me and have to live with one, but why should we have to do what they say? It's our lives. We are all adults, everyone can deal with their feelings if they have them."

"But I'm so much older than you, remember that girl from your freshman class. Wasn't that older guy pursuing her, and you told me how you thought it was creepy and-"

"You mean that girl that our professor was pursuing? He had a reputation of doing this, of every year dating a different freshman girl. He had done it since being a graduate student apparently, and had continued when he became a professor. That's way different than our situation. You aren't my boss or my professor or something."

"Fine, you're right. But I bet your friends will think I'm creepy," Yunho sighs.

"I can guarantee you that's not true," you respond, now looking him in the eye.

"How?"

"I already told them. And they definitely didn't think that. They though it was cute."

Yunho's lips break into a faint smile, the first smile you've seen all night. He runs a hand through your hair; he loves how soft and long it is. His insides are churning, his brain unable to come to a decision. You can sense the uncertainty. You want to make him feel relaxed too. So you scoot over and climb on top of him to hug him, tucking your face into his neck. You sigh, a sleepy haze falling over you. You stay like that for a while, Yunho's arms around you holding you tight. He plants a kiss on your temple, melting at the way the kiss makes you smile.

"I'll need to think about it. The last thing I want is to cause you pain," he finally concludes. You sit up, attempting to keep the disappointment from your face. You don't want to force anything on him. But you can tell it's other people's judgement that's holding him back, not his own feelings. Face to face with him, you stare across his beautiful cheeks and lips, not until now noticing he still had makeup on from whatever he filmed today. You reach up and touch a gem under his eye and he smiles at your curious look, like you've discovered something remarkable.

"I should go, I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" he asks. You nod, climbing off of him so he can get up. Once standing he gives you a hug, wishing to reassure every cell in your body. But he still doesn't know what he's going to do. You lead him out and you roommates say their goodbyes, and finally he's out the door and the door is closing, and you stand staring at it for a second, not sure how to respond.

"So?" Tae asks, still sat at the table. Nari is now at the stove tending to a large pot.

"I don't know, I don't know.." you mumble into your hands, covering your face.

"Come here, have some ramen," Nari says, setting a steaming bowl on the kitchen counter next to you. You dive in, patting your head on her shoulder in thanks. The three of you sit at the small table now, all aggressively slurping the delicious ramen Nari made.

"That boy needs to figure it out," Nari says, making you nearly snort out the broth you are swallowing.

"That boy?" you say, raising your eyebrows and giggling.

"Yes that boy, he's being silly. I don't like that he's messing with your feelings."

"It's not so bad," you say. "I understand his worry. My brother, he can be quite jealous sometimes. He's sensitive. Neither of us want to hurt him."

"It's your life," Tae chimes in.

"I know, that's how I feel too," you say.

"Let's watch a movie tonight, none of us have to be to campus until ten tomorrow, right?" Nari says. You both nod in agreement, finishing the last of your food. You get up to start cleaning but Tae beats you to it. "It's my turn, I haven't in a few days," he says, so you give him your signature pout and thank him and walk to your room. You finally change into your pjs, your favorite sweats and cropped loose shirt combo that you wear a little too much. You sigh and look at yourself in you mirror, wondering how old you really look. You're short but not skinny, you definitely don't look childish in your body. Since puberty a small roll of fat sits on your lower stomach, above thick thighs and a pronounced butt. You always felt like your lower body didn't match your upper body, which had remained almost as small as when you were a child. Apart from your boobs, of course. They were sizable too, now that you really looked at them. Since when did I become so womanly? you think to yourself. It must have been while you were focused on school and work, focused on getting Mingi through his challenging years right after debut. You keep staring, your vision feeling almost warped. You didn't spend a lot of time thinking if people found you attractive, you realized. And that was a strange thing for a young woman. It had only ever been Yunho you thought of. But it never felt like a question to you, whether he thought you were attractive. Why hadn't you questioned it? Your thoughts start spinning and you stare at a body in front of you, warping more as your legs get even bigger and your shoulders even smaller. You think of how tall he is, of how mismatched the two of you probably look next to each other.

You snap yourself out of it, knowing there was no point to the thought spiral you were headed toward. You walk out to the kitchen as Tae is finishing the last of the dishes and Nari is turning on the TV, just in time to hear the knock on the door. The three of you look up in sync, a similar look of confusion on your faces. No one ever really knocked on your door here, your neighbors just texted. You slowly walk to the door, opening it in utter confusion.

Standing on the landing is Yunho, now barefaced, in his own favorite sweats and t-shirt. He is out of breath, a light breeze blowing his hair off his forehead, revealing the lines between his eyebrows made from concern. He stares at you, catching his breath. The moment stretches, the look of utter surprise never leaving your face.

"Can I come in?" he finally asks.

"Of course," you say, stepping aside to let him through the doorway. You close it gently behind you. Yunho and your roommates awkwardly greet each other again and you give them both wide-eyed looks, totally unsure of where this is headed. They give each other a knowing look as you and Yunho leave the room, headed straight for your bedroom. You close the door behind yourself, leaning against the back of it. Yunho stands in front of you, his eyes meeting yours with intensity.

"Why- what did-" you stumble over your words, making both of you laugh. "Why did you come back?" you finally manage.

Yunho opens his mouth as if you talk but nothing comes out. Instead he takes a step forward, closing the distance between you, and his lips are on yours again, his hand on your jaw. This time it isn't so gentle, so delicate. This time it's hot and intense in an instant, your legs feeling like they might give out. You reach out and pull him close to you, opening your mouth to let him in. Wherever he wants to go, you will let him. His tongue brushes over yours, his body moving closer and nearly crushing you into your door. A soft moan escapes your throat, the feeling of his tongue on yours making your pussy throb. The kiss makes your body feels so intense, it's as if he's licking you everywhere.

Eventually he pulls away, his hand still on the side of your face, his lips wet and slightly swollen. "I went to go home and think about things, but I just kept thinking of kissing you," he says. "I can't stop thinking about the other night. You've messed me up."

You smile and turn your head down in shyness, his words causing pride to swell in your chest. Maybe this is affecting him as much as it's affecting me, you think. Maybe he really does feel the same. You look up and reach to touch his face too, leaning up to kiss him again.

Before you know it you're swept up into his arms, Yunho spinning you to move closer to your bed. Your eyes are closed and your lips still on his; you feel momentarily like gravity doesn't exist, like you are flying. He sets you down gently, your head coming to rest on your large stuffed bear that never leaves your bed. He's almost crushing you again, this time into your mattress, his mouth ravishing every part of you he can. You feel his leg between yours, the deep pressure relieving some of the intense need you are feeling. His mouth on your neck, on your ear sends intense sparks down your entire body, a gentle moan leaving your lips as he sucks hard on your neck, not worrying about the potential physical consequences of his actions. His hands are under your shirt know, his fingers gentle brushing over your already hard nipple. He lifts your shirt, momentarily in awe of what he is seeing, and then dips his head down to suck gently on your left breast. A low moan escapes him now, as he relishes the feeling of your hard nipple in his mouth, again feeling the intense warmth emanating from between your legs. He cannot believe you have granted him this access, cannot believe he can make you feel so good. He's inexperienced too, given what he does for work. But the connection between you is palpable, so strong that no practice is needed. It all comes so easily, the communication, the affection, the way he can read your body and face and sounds so easily. It fills him with warmth, the feeling of being so connected to you. He wants more and more, wishes it were never-ending.

But he feels he must be careful. As he continues sucking on your nipples, continues running his hands everywhere he can, he feels your desperation as you move your hips against his. He lifts his up and down just slightly, the movement making you moan again in utter bliss. You imagine how good it would feel for his hips to snap against yours without layers of clothes between. Being this intimate with someone always made you nervous, but with him it simply was a need. You move your hips again, hoping it'll make him continue to move his, and it does, illiciting moans from you both. You reach under his shirt and start pulling it off, needing to feel more of him, and he finally pulls yours over your head too. And then his mouth is on yours again, his hips and his tongue moving as if connected, the slow drags of his tongue on yours making you feel almost light headed.

"Yunho..." you moan between kisses, needing him to focus his attentions elsewhere. You're beginning to feel terribly empty and jittery with anticipation. And he can tell, he really feels like he can read your mind. He moves back, just enough to begin pulling off your sweatpants and panties, slowly and deliberately to make sure he's doing the right thing. You lift your hips to help him, fighting the urge to turn your head. You don't exactly feel embarrassed, but you're so exposed now. Naked in front of him for the first time the questions finally surface. Does he like my body? What does he think of the fat on my stomach? He can see your thoughts racing behind your eyes, the way your jaw sets slightly when you're concentrated. He leans down to kiss you again, hoping to reassure any doubts.

"Can I touch you?" He says it with such warmth, such care. You feel your body turn to putty.

"Please," you say, only a whisper. You can't help the small line that forms between your eyebrows from your begging, or the slight pout that forms on your lips. That pout. Yungo can't stand it much longer. He reaches down to your thighs, spreading your legs gently. He sees how wet and pink your pussy looks, feels how soft and plush your thighs are. God, I just want to ruin her, he thinks. And then scolds himself. Since when did he get this way?

Finally his long fingers are moving up your thighs to the apex, to the place you need him. He brushes his fingers over the small patch of hair that sits there. And then finally his thumb dips into your folds, feeling the slick wetness in its entirety. He moves his finger down slowly and then back up, finally brushing over your extremely sensitive clit. You can't help but moan, loudly. Your legs open, body completely bare; you feel totally at his mercy. He begins to rub gentle circles over your clit, the feeling electric and warm. He can feel it too, can see the way your pussy clenches when he hits just the right spot. He spends a moment just watching, completely entranced by the beautiful site of you spread open for him. He now takes his other hand to your entrance, lightly pressing with two fingers to gauge your response.

"Fuck, Yunho, please," you say as you push yourself down onto his two fingers, your pleading words rocketing through him. He sinks his fingers into you, relishing the warmth of your tight pussy. He can tell two fingers is a lot for you, so he works them in and out slowly, helping you get used to the feeling. He curls them up just right, finding that spot inside you that makes your eyes roll back and your back arch. You've never felt such pleasure before, the stimulation in both spots making you feel entirely singular to this moment. You can feel a wave building again, this time intensely and quickly. Before you know it you're grabbing a pillow and covering your face, attempting to stifle the loud moans escaping you. You cannot help it, the feeling of his fingers inside you making you come undone so suddenly, shuddering and screaming as you fall over the edge. Yunho watches you clench down around his fingers, clenching so hard as you come that he can barely move them anymore. Eventually his finger on your clit feels far too overstimulating so you grab it to make him stop, removing your pillow to allow yourself room to breathe. He sits there for a moment, fingers still inside of you, unable to stop himself from looking you up and down over and over again. After a few exhausting breaths you open your eyes and look at him, seeing how how worked up he is, his flushed skin and his rapid breaths, his pupils blown far larger than you've ever seen. He pulls out of you slowly, not wanting to cause you even a moment of discomfort. And then he's slumped down next to you, kissing you sweetly and holding you, helping you onto your side so he can spoon you and hold you tight.

"You take it so well," he says, his voice still laced with lust. The depth of it sends sparks through you; his kisses on your neck and cheek are soft but possessive. You feel it then, for the first time, how much he wants you to be his, how deeply he's attached to you. It's like a warm, gentle wave has washed over you and now you're drifting out to sea. A feeling of floating, of being devoid of worry. You feel as light as ever despite the exhaustion your intense orgasm has left you with. But you can feel how hard he is against your ass, and feel like you should please him too. You turn yourself over to face him, kissing him and moving your hands down, grazing over his bare abdomen and then over his sweats until you find him hard and straining. But as you do his hand comes down to grab yours, and he's moving it away.

"Sweetie, you need to get some sleep. I can tell how exhausted you are." You whine, earning a chuckle from him. But you aren't going to push anything. You like being pleasured, that's for sure. And now that the aftershocks have subsided, you are left in a blissful and sleepy state.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wake with a bit of a start, not having slept so deeply in a long time. Yunho is next to you, your blankets pulled up over your naked body. You see now that he is naked too, having thrown all of his clothes on the floor of your room. You wriggle towards him to cuddle, waking him up in the process. He yawns loudly, running his hand through his now messy hair. He sleepily grabs onto you, placing a kiss on your forehead.

Your bladder beckons you to the bathroom so you climb over him as carefully as you can. You aren't really thinking much, the grogginess of the morning still weighing heavily on your eyelids. As you are washing your hands you finally take a good look at yourself, suddenly noticing a dark spot on the side of your neck that looks out of place. It takes a few moments for you to register but then you realize what it is, and run a hand gently over the bruise left by Yunho. You snort, feeling ridiculously happy to have physical evidence of the previous night.

You exit your bathroom to find Yunho nearly fully dressed, pulling his shirt over his head and grabbing his keys and wallet from your bedside table. His energy feels tense again, even with his back to you. It's impossible for you to not feel it. You stand awkwardly at the doorway, simply observing. Finally you walk over to put your clothes back on too, not wanting to sit in the uncomfortable tension you've walked into. You have to pull off your blanket to find your shirt, which had somehow found itself near the foot of your bed. All this movement in total silence has you again confused, but this time your confusion is laced with anger as well, anger that if Yunho didn't want this to happen again he really shouldn't have come back. Now you do feel like he's messing with you, a bit. It's only happened twice, but you know he already knows how he feels. He just isn't being totally honest with himself.

"Do you want any coffee or breakfast?" you ask, wanting to be a pleasant host despite your frustration.

"No no, I really should get going. Thank you though," he says, now finally looking at you. His eyes are slightly puffy and his hair is a mess, and you can't help but admire how adorable he looks first thing in the morning. You stare for a second, your expression unchanging as you try to keep all of the conflicting feelings inside you at bay.

"Fuck, did I actually leave a bruise? I didn't think I was being that rough..." Yunho walks towards you and pushes your hair out of the way to get a good look at the mark he left on your neck. "Fuck, I can go get some makeup to cover it up, if you'd like. I've watched our makeup artists do it a lot." You brush his hand away, this time unable to keep the irritation from your expression.

"Yunho, it's fine. I can put makeup on it myself if I need to. Or wear a scarf or a shirt that covers it or really... I don't care. I don't mind it, actually. Can you please just go? You obviously don't want to be here." Yunho's face looks immediately concerned; his hands hang awkwardly at his side like he doesn't know what to do with them.

"You like that bruise on your neck?" he asks.

"I don't mind it," you retort, not even looking at him. The frustration you feel is threatening to spill out in tears, and you don't feel like crying right now. You realize in a split second that this is all so silly, that so little has happened. You don't want to be childish.

"Yunho, I'm upset because both mornings after we've spent the night together, you seem obviously tense and uncomfortable and it seems like you regret what has happened between us. If you don't want this, I wish you would just tell me. I'm not going to be severely hurt, I will be fine. It seems like you like me, but maybe it's just convenience? I know you don't have many opportunities to date or hookup with someone who you know won't go and tell the world about it. But if it doesn't feel right, just tell me. I feel like you're messing with me."

"I-" Yunho stops himself short. He wants to choose his words well, wants you to understand completely. "Of course I like you, y/n. It's not just convenience, god no. I wish I could spend every night with you..." he stroked his hand frustratedly through his hair, making it appear even messier. "It's Mingi, I keep thinking about Mingi. Don't you? I haven't talked to him about it yet and it's eating at me. I have to talk to him before anything else happens. I feel like we're betraying him by not telling-"

"I really don't think he'll be that upset," you say, to keep both of your fears at bay. You really don't know how he'll react. And you haven't spent one on one time with him in a little while. You text every day to check in, of course. But it had been a few weeks. You sigh intensely, tears welling in your eyes. You wish desperately that you didn't have classes today.

"How can you be sure?" he asks, wondering if you know something he doesn't. "Have you talked to him?"

You just shake your head, one of the welling tears now falling down your cheek. You wipe it gently, not wanting to make a scene.

"We both need to talk to him," Yunho says, stepping forward to hug you tightly, feeling torn up inside that he's upset you. Your head on his chest, the way you fit next to him makes his mind spin. It's the thought of Mingi's disapproval that scares him more than anything. Now that he knows you have feelings for him, it's almost like his whole life is written in front of him. He sees you in his life forever, just like he sees Mingi being his best friend forever. He sees both of you as anchors in his future, a blissful, wonderful future. But if Mingi disapproves, what will he choose? He knows he won't be able to pick one of you or the other. It feels too cruel. To him, more than anyone. He knows it's a little selfish, but it's truly how he feels.

"I will talk to him tonight, I promise. Have a family thing I have to attend in the evening but afterwards I will go and talk to him. And then we'll go from there. Okay?" He pulls your face away from his chest and kisses each of your rosy cheeks, then wipes the remnants of tears from them. He kisses you softly, wanting you to know he needs you. He hopes you can read how deeply he feels through his actions because he feels he has to wait with his words. He trails down to your neck, knowing you are particularly sensitive there, wanting to distract you from the intense emotion of the previous moments.

"Yunho!" you laugh and hit his arm, not wanting to be so turned on first thing in the morning. Knowing he has to leave in a few moments and won't be able to finish the job. He feigns injury at your strike, grabbing his arm and scrunching his face up in pain. As you laugh at him he takes his moment to pinch your side, his favorite way to mess with you. And then you're hitting at him again, laughing almost hysterically, forgetting everything that just happened. It was his goal and he feels lifted by hearing your laugh, by seeing your wide smile and a more playful glint in your eyes. He gives you a final hug goodbye and then leaves, and you find yourself alone in your quiet apartment, both your roommates still asleep.

As soon as he's left your apartment, a feeling of impending doom envelopes your chest. The thought of Yunho telling Mingi tonight, of Mingi feeling so mad at the two of you that he won't talk to you. Probably not forever, you hope. But you suddenly realize you must talk to him too. Must talk to him first. If only you didn't have stupid classes. At least you're out by 4pm today, so you can still beat Yunho over there. You decide you must; it feels like your only hope. You pick up your phone and call Mingi.

"Hi, what's up?" he answers, sounding happy. Your heart sinks more knowing you and Yunho will probably ruin his good mood later.

"Are you busy this afternoon? Can I come over after my classes?" you ask. The two of you never really waste time with niceties.

"Yeah you can come today, I'll be back home by 3 today. When are you done?"

"I'm done at 4, I'll come afterwards. Do you have food I can make for dinner?"

"Yes mom, I did actually go grocery shopping over the weekend." Mingi laughs at his own sarcasm.

"They grow up so fast," you sigh sarcastically back, hoping Mingi thinks it's funny. Sometimes it's hard for him to take good care of himself, but if you ask too sincerely if he's okay he'll feel upset sometimes too. Like your concern only reminds him how sensitive and fragile he is. So you have to fit in the questions amongst humor, subtly slip them in. You'd do anything for him, even something as simple as grocery shopping if he needed it.

"I should go, I should have left like five minutes ago. See you later, love you!" he says.

"Love you too, have a good day!" you respond. Now that you know you'll be seeing him your heart beats faster; already your nerves are fried at the idea that you'll be asking him, telling him everything. Not for nearly nine hours, you remind yourself. But it doesn't help. Your heart still beats, your body still shakes. You decide to head to campus early and start studying, because there's no way your morning will be relaxing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thankfully class is busy and full and you have several assignments that keep you occupied in the morning, so your day flies by. Your final class is done and it is 4 o'clock on the dot, your professor being determined to get home earlier rather than later just as the rest of you are. Your focus had remained fairly steady during class but as soon as you exit the room and start walking your heart is in your throat and your legs feel wobbly. I have to do this, you tell yourself. I can't let Yunho tell him first. You feel certain Mingi will feel particularly betrayed if that happens. And you want to test the waters first, to ask subtly. Like you know how to do with him. Yunho knows him well, but you aren't sure he's mastered that art as well as you have.

You enter Mingi's apartment to a big smile and big hug. It's hard for people to believe the two of you are siblings sometimes, because of how much taller he is. It is a bit of a genetic surprise to be so differently shaped. You don't even look very similar facially. But you do share the same sensitivity, even if you have been much better at managing it. No one really knows how sensitive you are, except him.

"How was your day, how's school?" he asks.

"Good good, today was fine. It's been going well," you respond, trying to keep your tone casual.

"Did you get your grade back on that paper?"

"Oh yeah, I got an A-," you say proudly.

"That's amazing! You said that professor is a tough grader, right?" he asks. You nod. "You're such a goody-goody. Always doing everything right."

"I like having my shit together. Makes me feel calm," you respond.

"You should try letting loose sometime, maybe you'd enjoy that too."

"I've never really been allowed to. Or able to..." you trial off.

"I know," he responds. He pulls you into a hug again, knowing exactly what you mean. He is eternally grateful for your maturity and level-headedness. It's always put him at ease. "You wanna watch something while we eat?"

"No, let's just talk. I haven't seen you in a couple weeks."

"We text like every day," he says.

"It's not the same," you say.

"I suppose you're right," he responds. He looks at you again, sensing something is slightly off. But overall he is struck by how content you seem. "You seem really happy lately," he says.

"I am," you respond, unable to stop a smile from forming on your lips at the thought of Yunho. "I didn't know it was obvious to anyone else."

"This whole last year you've seemed so happy," Mingi says.

"It's cause you seem happy," you say, catching yourself off guard with your honesty. Has it really been that? you think. Yes, it has. Mingi has finally seemed to be consistently feeling good this last year, and it's made you more content than ever. You momentarily consider not asking him about Yunho, not bursting his bubble.

After cooking and eating most of your food you finally gain the courage to say it. The whole evening has been a wonderful session of catching up on the last few weeks, of telling Mingi the silly drama happening with other tutors at your work and him updating you about the two managers that everyone thinks are secretly dating. You wish it could just continue on in the same way for a few more hours, wasting the rest of the day away with silly conversation. But your nerves have been eating at you all evening, gently at first. Now it feels aggressive; now your whole nervous system feels like a city at rush hour, jam packed with cars and accidents and people rushing their way to wherever they're going. You feel like you'll explode if you wait any longer.

"Have you talked to Yunho recently?" you venture, hoping it doesn't sound strange.

"Of course, I saw him yesterday. We had a photo shoot." Mingi pauses. "Why?"

"I was just curious," you say, not at all sounding believable.

"Y/n, you don't need to check on me, if that's what you're doing. Me and Yunho are still best friends, as always. Just because we don't live together anymore doesn't mean I don't see him or we're not as close."

Momentarily you feel relief at Mingi's incorrect assumption that you asked to check up on him. Momentarily you feel like you could escape the line of questioning you set up for yourself. You could just go along with it, just admit that you were checking up on him and say sorry, and then change the subject. Feelings soar through your chest, one of relief mixed with shame, and one of anxiety mixed with pride. Just push through, just fucking push through, you tell yourself. You breathe, steadying yourself. Mingi knows this look, this breath that you take.

"Y/n, what's wrong?" he asks.

"Mingi, I need to tell you something. It's about-" just then you are cut off by loud knocking at his front door.

"Who is it?" Mingi asks, not wanting to get up from the table.

"It's me. It's Yunho." You body freezes, your eyes widening. Mingi stands up to go open the door but you are unable to turn and follow him. You stay still as if glued to your chair. You look at the clock, which reads 7:47. Is he really done with his family thing already?

"What's up?" Mingi asks Yunho, greeting him with a hug similar to the one he gave you.

"Mingi, I need to tell you something. I-" Yunho cuts himself off at the sight of you. You've managed to turn your head towards the door and your eyes catch on each other, an obvious tension palpable. You snap your eyes away; it felt like his were burning into your soul. You feel so stupid for having waited so long to tell Mingi.

Yunho can't stop looking at you, a mixture of concern and confusion clear in his face. And Mingi can't stop looking between the two of you, his own face twisted in confusion. You seeming nervous to say something didn't seem all that weird. You were emotional like him and prone to making a big deal of things, at least in the way you broke news to him. But Yunho's unexpected appearance and unexpected words really were not like Yunho at all. And the look he was giving you was so fully of intensity. Longing too, it seemed. Mingi's mind raced trying to put the pieces together. He thought he knew what this was about. He had been waiting for the two of you to say something. All of the members had been waiting. But now his little sister seemed hurt, and his best friend so confused?

"What the hell happened?" he asked, finally. It was all he could say.

#ateez #ateez yunho #ateez x reader #yunho x reader #yunho smut

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thebrickinbrick · 14 hours

Text

End of the Verses of Jean Prouvaire

All flocked around Marius. Courfeyrac flung himself on his neck.

“Here you are!”

“What luck!” said Combeferre.

“You came in opportunely!” ejaculated Bossuet.

“If it had not been for you, I should have been dead!” began Courfeyrac again.

“If it had not been for you, I should have been gobbled up!” added Gavroche.

Marius asked:—

“Where is the chief?”

“You are he!” said Enjolras.

Marius had had a furnace in his brain all day long; now it was a whirlwind. This whirlwind which was within him, produced on him the effect of being outside of him and of bearing him away. It seemed to him that he was already at an immense distance from life. His two luminous months of joy and love, ending abruptly at that frightful precipice, Cosette lost to him, that barricade, M. Mabeuf getting himself killed for the Republic, himself the leader of the insurgents,—all these things appeared to him like a tremendous nightmare. He was obliged to make a mental effort to recall the fact that all that surrounded him was real. Marius had already seen too much of life not to know that nothing is more imminent than the impossible, and that what it is always necessary to foresee is the unforeseen. He had looked on at his own drama as a piece which one does not understand.

In the mists which enveloped his thoughts, he did not recognize Javert, who, bound to his post, had not so much as moved his head during the whole of the attack on the barricade, and who had gazed on the revolt seething around him with the resignation of a martyr and the majesty of a judge. Marius had not even seen him.

In the meanwhile, the assailants did not stir, they could be heard marching and swarming through at the end of the street but they did not venture into it, either because they were awaiting orders or because they were awaiting reinforcements before hurling themselves afresh on this impregnable redoubt. The insurgents had posted sentinels, and some of them, who were medical students, set about caring for the wounded.

They had thrown the tables out of the wine-shop, with the exception of the two tables reserved for lint and cartridges, and of the one on which lay Father Mabeuf; they had added them to the barricade, and had replaced them in the tap-room with mattresses from the bed of the widow Hucheloup and her servants. On these mattresses they had laid the wounded. As for the three poor creatures who inhabited Corinthe, no one knew what had become of them. They were finally found, however, hidden in the cellar.

A poignant emotion clouded the joy of the disencumbered barricade.

The roll was called. One of the insurgents was missing. And who was it? One of the dearest. One of the most valiant. Jean Prouvaire. He was sought among the wounded, he was not there. He was sought among the dead, he was not there. He was evidently a prisoner.

Combeferre said to Enjolras:—

“They have our friend; we have their agent. Are you set on the death of that spy?”

“Yes,” replied Enjolras; “but less so than on the life of Jean Prouvaire.”

This took place in the tap-room near Javert’s post.

“Well,” resumed Combeferre, “I am going to fasten my handkerchief to my cane, and go as a flag of truce, to offer to exchange our man for theirs.”

“Listen,” said Enjolras, laying his hand on Combeferre’s arm.

At the end of the street there was a significant clash of arms.

They heard a manly voice shout:—

“Vive la France! Long live France! Long live the future!”

They recognized the voice of Prouvaire.

A flash passed, a report rang out.

Silence fell again.

“They have killed him,” exclaimed Combeferre.

Enjolras glanced at Javert, and said to him:—

“Your friends have just shot you.”

#lm 4.14.5 #the brick in brick #barricade day #les miserables #lego

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outermaybanks · 2 days

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JJ shows kook!reader what she's missing part two to this request

a/n: i dont know if this is fluff or me living out a fantasy idk but here it is regardless

You hated events like this, you always had to be on your best behavior, and forcing a smile hurt your cheeks by the end of the night. The dull conversation you were currently trapped in was interrupted as John B’s van parked on the street, blasting loud music.

“What the hell-” Your dad mumbled from beside you, everyone had turned to see the source of the disruption. “I invited them,” You spoke up, making everyone, even Kiara, turn to look at you just as the three boys climbed out of the van.

JJ locked eyes with you as they walked over to Kie, doing some form of handshake before stealing her away from her parents. You couldn’t help but watch with envy. Kiara had broken free of her parent’s expectations, something that seemed impossible to you. You let the feeling of disappoint wash over you as you quickly realized that while JJ had accepted your invitation, he had no intention of hanging out with you.

You were surprised to find yourself eyeing their group all night, and even more surprised at the low profile they maintained, nothing like the rumors you’d heard of their disruptive and volatile tendencies. But mostly, you were surprised by the deep urge to abandon the people talking to you in favor of sitting with the Pogues.

You were well trained, knew that these events required a certain level of acting, forcing smiles and pleasantries even to families you’d heard your mother bad talk in the privacy of her home after one too many glasses of wine. This sort of masquerading was the real cost of being a Kook.

“Hey y/n!” You turned at the call of your name, finding John B standing at the table the rest of his friends were sat at. You looked around carefully before walking over. “Thanks for inviting us,” John B said as you reached their table.

“Yeah, it was actually kind of cool of you,” Kiara spoke up. You honestly didn’t know her that well, just knew she was friends with the Pogues, and preferred to spend her time with them. Your mother had sometimes spoke about it in a rude jest.

“I wanted to thank you for giving me a ride the other day, and JJ for all his hard work,” you said softly, with a well rehearsed smile; still in Kook-mode. JJ noticed it immediately, because if JJ knew one thing about you, this whole making-yourself-smaller thing was not you.

“We were about to head out, have a bonfire at the Chateau, you should come,” John B offered. You were in disbelief, then you wondered if this is how JJ felt when you invited him to the barbeque. “Yeah, wanna ditch this lame fest and see how a real party is done?” JJ said, which surprised you. “Um…” you quickly looked over your shoulder at your father, still stationed at the grill, and your mother who was surrounded by other women, Kie’s mother included. “Yeah, yeah, that sounds really fun, I’d love to.” “Perfect, let’s go,” John B said, standing back up.

You quickly followed them, hoping neither of your parents noticed as you climbed into the van, readjusting your dress meticulously. As John B got in the driver’s seat, you stared out the window, trying to see if your parents noticed your disappearance.

“What happened to the girl who had daddy wrapped around her finger?” JJ questioned, beginning to roll a blunt. “Ignore him, I usually do,” Kiara spoke up, making you smile a bit.

“I know how to get her to relax, don’t I, princess?” JJ said, finishing rolling and held up the blunt. You felt everyone’s eyes on you, watching to see what you did. The moment felt bigger than the last time you hit JJ’s blunt, this felt like you were making a choice between the life back at the barbeque, and the life staring at you while it held out a blunt. You grabbed it from him and put it between your lips, letting JJ light it for you.

When you got to the Chateau, the others stayed outside to build the fire while you went inside to use the bathroom. After, you couldn’t help by look around the place. It was smaller than you expected, but as you walked around the home, it felt like just that, a home, not a house, not a mansion, a real home. It was filled with pictures, knick knacks, everything wasn’t tucked away just right, it was messy and lived in and it looked so comfortable.

“Sorry it’s not Buckinham Palace, but it gets the job done.” You turned to see JJ watching you. “No, I-I love it. It’s so… nice.” JJ chuckled. “Nice… yeah. Sure.” “No, I mean it. This place makes my house feel… I don’t know- nevermind. I didn’t mean anything bad, I swear.”

JJ didn’t respond, just kept his eyes on you. You walked over to the wall of pictures, smiling at pictures of a young John B, with a young blonde beside him that you presumed to be JJ.

“Wow, you used to look so sweet, what happened?” You teased. “Okay, show’s over-” JJ inserted himself between you and the pictures. “Hey!” you giggled as you tried to look behind him. “Thought you came here for a bonfire, c’mon,” JJ shepherded you towards the door, until finally you relented and just went outside, the others sitting around the fire. You felt a weird mixture of comfortable and uncomfortable, this was way outside your element, so different from everything you knew, but hearing them talk and laugh with each other, seeing a side to JJ you never knew existed somehow made you want to keep enduring the uncomfortable.

The Pogues were nothing like what you had heard, nothing like anything you were used to. In Kook world, you had to be perfect, you couldn’t say the wrong thing or laugh too loud because your social standing could be ruined in an instant, which is what you had lived in your whole life, and now watching these genuine friends be themselves around each other with no fear, it honestly started to upset you. In the few hours that flew by, you had heard at least a dozen things that if you said, you’d earn a stern look from your parents, but they felt no fear in saying them. You started wondering if the trade off of wealth was really worth having to water yourself down all the time, and that’s when you decided it was time for you to go.

You stood up suddenly, your thoughts swimming and your heart racing as you tried to calm yourself. “I- Oh shit, I- it’s late, I should probably get going,” you stammer out, trying to maintain your cool. After committing a social faux pas and leaving your family’s party, the last thing you needed was to weird out the Pogues.

“Oh- are you sure? Want us to take you home?” John B asked. “I don’t want to be a bother, it’s fine-” “I’ll drive her, y’all just wait for me. Don’t drink all the beer while I’m gone,” JJ said, standing up from where he sat. “No promises!” Pope called.

You were a bit taken aback, but you followed JJ to the driveway as he walked over to his bike, throwing his leg over. He handed you his helmet. “Safety first, princess.”

You took it from him and put it on your head, and tried to climb on but he stopped you, beckoning you closer before tightening the strap under your chin.

You and JJ couldn’t really talk while he drove, which was probably for the better as you were trying to not cry. Seeing a peek into the Pogue life, had you feeling lonelier than ever, and a part of you was angry at JJ for showing it to you. But even in your upset state of mind, you knew that wasn’t fair.

When JJ parked the bike in front of your house, all the other cars gone except yours and your parents’, you climbed off the back of his bike, handing him back his helmet.

“Thanks for the ride, JJ.” “No problem, princess. Hope we didn’t scare you too much,” JJ said softly. “Are you kidding me? Your friends are like… the coolest people I’ve ever met.” “Oh but not me?”

You couldn’t help but smile, and you realized you were blushing so you put your head down. “I didn’t say that.”

"You're not so bad yourself, princess," JJ said softly before he swallowed, biting his lip before putting his helmet on. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, back in the real world.” “Oh, this wasn’t real?” “No,” JJ scoffed with a chuckle. “Tonight was… a vacation for you.” “That so? Because you’re such an expert on me?” You teased, JJ smiled and looked down. “You know what I mean. See you tomorrow.” “Wait!” You blurted out suddenly, making JJ freeze. “I… I was wondering about something.” “Shoot.” “You say you hate Kooks-” “I do.” “Right, but you’re friends with Kiara… why?” “Because Kooks are arrogant, entitled assholes who don’t care about anyone but themselves.” “Yeah you've said that-” "Kie isn't any of those things. She's not a Kook."

Your eyebrows furrowed together as you thought his words over. “So… if someone isn’t like that, or-or doesn’t want to be-” “Then it sounds like they’re not really a Kook. A real Kook has no problem with being one.” JJ started up his bike, his engine revving loudly. “Goodnight, y/n.” “Night JJ…” You said softly as you gave him a wave goodbye.

July 13th

Now, you had found the shoe on the other foot as you really couldn’t bring yourself to face JJ. After hanging out with him and his friends, and seeing how they lived, you couldn’t help but feel lackluster in your own life. You went through the motions, doing what was expected of you, and you tried to shove down the feeling, the yearning for more; chasing after happiness in the comfort of routine rather than the unknown.

You watched from the doorway as your parents packed, your mother pacing in and out of her walk-in closet. “And you have the number of the neighbors in case of an emergency?” Your dad asked. “Yes, daddy, really I’ll be fine, it’s just a week.”

“I just want to be sure. This is the first trip without you.” “She’s very responsible, aren’t you honey?” Mom asked. You nodded fervently, “Yeah, everything’s gonna be fine, swear.” “Okay. We’ll be back by noon on the 21st, okay? I left the numbers of all staff on my desk. Invite your friends over if you get bored, but stay out of the liquor cabinet, we’re only fine with you drinking when we can supervise you.” “I promise I won’t touch it.” “Good girl.” Your dad praised before pressing a kiss to your head. “You can always call us, I don’t know why your dad is fretting so much, we’re going to Austrailia not Guam,” your mother joked, and you forced a chuckle, wanting to get them out as soon as possible.

You waved goodbye from the front porch as their driver pulled out of the driveway, it was then you locked eyes with JJ, who was once again mowing the lawn. You gave him a small wave, but when he just stared at you, you went back inside, hiding in shame.

But this wasn’t the time for an existential crisis, this was the moment you had been waiting all year for.

The third day your parents were gone was the promised day. You had told your friends months in advance, so once you relieve your dad’s employees for the day, you started preparing for the party; putting out snacks and putting drinks in the cooler. JJ had kept his promise and stayed away, and you had started regretting that decision, but this took priority. This party was your key to gaining more status, by now you were really the only kid in your grade to not throw a house party since your dad hated leaving you alone.

By the end, you were proud of yourself, the house looked nice and you cleared a space in the livingroom for dancing, you had plenty of snacks and drinks, you had hidden away any fragile antiques, but the glistening of the fairy lights reminded you of the bonfire at the Chateau, and for the first time in your life, you found yourself doubting whether or not this was what you wanted.

But you could worry about that after the party, this was already set in stone in your mind, there was no backing out. Canceling a party last minute would be even worse than a bad party. So, when your friends starting arriving, bringing their boyfriends, and their boyfriends’ friends, you were reminded what all of this had been for. You decided to pin the thoughts that had been plaguing you on the fact that none of your girl friends had come over since your dad hired JJ, because once you were in their company again, your other personality came to the surface like a habit you can’t break. You were having fun, drinking, dancing, even smoking with a few boys on the back porch as the music boomed from inside.

You were having fun, until you came in from outside to overhear a conversation that starred the voice of your best friend, Amelie, and Hannah, the girl from the bonfire.

“See? I told you it’d be worth it,” Hannah said. “Yeah, you were right. This party is pretty cool, glad I waited to ghost her.” “I’m just bummed JJ isn’t here. I was hoping to catch him cleaning the pool.” “Hannah! That’s so bad.” “Not as bad as you pretending to still be her friend just so you could still come to the party. She was a total weirdo that day at the beach. Did you see her sneak off at the barbeque? Then she has the audacity to act better than me, at least I’m honest about my intentions to get in JJ’s pants, meanwhile little miss perfect wants her cake and to eat it too.”

Both of them laughed, and you felt like you had been punched in the stomach, and maybe it was that feeling, or maybe it was the alcohol, but you needed to throw up. You ran up the stairs, going into the first room you saw, which was your father’s office, which luckily had a bathroom attached.

As you emptied the contents of your stomach, you realized you had started crying, and the realization just made you cry more. You were sure your makeup was running down your face, and you didn’t want to give those girls the satisfaction of seeing you cry. You didn’t know what to do, you had never felt this bad before. As you racked your brain, you noticed a sticky note on your dad’s desk, with the name JJ on it, and a phone number.

Fuck it.

This is JJ. You know what to do. Beep.

“JJ-” You breathed out, still out of breath from sobbing. “It’s y/n. I- God I hope this is you and not someone else named JJ. I’m at my house and-” you started to cry again, just thinking about what happened to get your words right. “Oh my god. What am I doing? I’m such an idiot.” You said to yourself before hanging up the phone. You hated yourself for feeling so pathetic, and what would be even more pathetic would be making this JJ’s problem. God, you were so pathetic. He probably didn’t even consider you a friend.

JJ never answered unknown numbers, since usually it was bill collectors trying to find his dad, but bill collectors didn’t leave voicemails.

“JJ, it’s y/n, I’m at my house and- oh my God, what am I doing? I’m such an idiot.” You hung up. In the short voicemail, it was obvious you were crying, and from the music in the background, JJ assumed tonight was your party. So why were you crying? JJ didn’t know, but he intended to find out.

When he pulled up to the party, the driveway and street were filled with cars, but he had no problem parking his bike in the lawn. He ran into the house, a small collection of gasps as he opened the door, but he ignored it as he immediately began searching for you, weaving through the crowd to make his way to the back yard, then the kitchen, then upstairs.

“y/n?” he called out, it was quieter up here, but still pretty loud.

A small creak of the door to his right opened. “JJ?” your small voice came out, as your eyes found him. Your face immediately scrunched up as you began to cry again. JJ quickly squeezed past the door, shutting it behind him. “Hey, hey, sh sh, hey, it’s okay, you’re okay…” JJ said softly as he pulled you into his arms, rubbing your back gently as he tried to calm you.

When your crying subsided, JJ took your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him.

“What happened, y/n?” “I- I was smoking with these guys, and when I came back in, I heard Amelie talking about me-” you were out of air and needed a big breath, “and she said she was gonna ghost me and she just wanted to come to the party and- and they don’t like me because I didn’t like that Hannah said she wanted to find out if you were a munch, and they’re not gonna be my friend now.” You word vomited as you held your head back to avoid your tears messing up your makeup any further.

“Here, come sit down,” JJ’s soft voice said as he led you to your father’s office chair. “Kay so Amelie and-and-” “Hannah,” you hiccuped. “Right, Amelie and Hannah, they said they didn’t want to be your friends because I’m a munch? How do they even know that?” “Noooo” You whined, giving up on your makeup as you drunkenly wiped your eyes. “At the beach Hannah said she wanted to find out if you were a munch, and I didn’t like that she was turning you into a sex object so I left, and then John B got me in the van-” “Ohhhhh okay, okay, so Amelie and Hannah don’t want to be your friend anymore and they were just pretending to come to your party?”

“Well,” you sniffled. “Hannah wasn’t really my friend. Amelie was my best friend.” “Sounds like you need better friends.” Your face began to screw back up as tears filled your eyes, and JJ quickly realized his mistake. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that was mean. Okay, well, why don’t you just kick everybody out? Fuck these guys, man.” “And be the laughing stock at school? No, no I have to figure out a way to get Amelie to be my friend again.” “Why? She’s a shitty friend.” “Because she’s more popular so our friends are gonna take her side-” “So all your friends are shitty?” “JJ!” “Sorry, uh- I just don’t really get why you’d want to be friends with someone who sucks.” “Because it’s better than no friends!” you finally admit, and the second the words leave you, you realize just how pathetic you sound. You started to cry again.

“You were right to hate Kooks, JJ. We fucking suck.” “Well, you don’t suck so bad. I know you’re the reason behind my sudden pay raise. That doesn’t seem like something someone who sucks would do.”

His words make you smile, and JJ is relieved to see it again. You two sit in silence for a moment as you take in his words, and he waits to see what happens.

“That day at the beach,” you finally say, “where I left, and you and your friends had to give me a ride home… Hannah suggested we were sleeping together, and… and that I was just keeping it a secret because I was too embarrassed to admit I was fucking a Pogue,” you confess. JJ’s smile fell. “Oh.” “And in that moment I realized how right you were to hate us. I hated us. I hated being apart of people like that, people who could say stuff like that.”

JJ’s eyes met yours, and suddenly you felt warm, and began to fan yourself. “Hot. It’s hot-” you breathed out. “Would you?” JJ suddenly asked, catching you off guard. “Huh? Would I what?” “Would you’ve been embarrassed to admit you were macking a Pogue?”

You thought over his words carefully.

“Half of me wants to say no, never… but I also know how this whole... thing works. Fuck, I mean… You’re like… the coolest person I’ve ever met and I tried to get you to quit just so my ‘friends’ could bring their shitty boyfriends to my party,” you admit, putting the word in airquotes. JJ bit his bottom lip, and you were nervous. Why were you nervous?

“But, I mean… I don’t… I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be an asshole Kook. I want to… be like Kie, one of the good ones, y’know?” “Oh yeah? What else do you want?” “I want these people out of my house for starters.” JJ chuckled. “Okay, what else?” “Better friends…” “I think I can help with that.” Your eyes flickered from JJ’s eyes to his lips, then back again. “I want to be friends with you.” “With me?” “Yeah, with you.” “Just friends?”

Your heart fell into your stomach as you felt like you had been caught doing something you didn’t even know was wrong.

“That’s not funny, JJ.” “Funny? I just asked a question. Do you want to be just friends with me?”

Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, but you decided to be honest. “No, not really.”

JJ smiled, the sight made your heart flutter.

“Good. I’m gonna ask you again in the morning, but for now, I’m gonna get these assholes out of your house,” he said, standing up, but you quickly grabbed his arm. “No, JJ, I don’t want you to go.” “Relax, princess, I’ll be right back, okay? I’m gonna go give those boring Kooks something to talk about, then I’ll be back with a bottle of water and we’ll see if we can’t sober you up, so we can finish this conversation.”

You reluctantly let go of JJ’s arm, and he watched you intently before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I’ll be right back.”

#outer banks fanfiction #outer banks #jj maybank #jj mayback x reader #jj

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anxious-witch · 2 days

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Dead boy detectives characters as their big three in Astrology-Charles

Text in the pictures and more explanation under the cut

So, this, unlike Edwin's, aren't canon, just my hcs, although Charles is imo implied to be a Taurus in a scene where Edwin says Taurus and Aries are highly incompatible. Because I refuse to believe this boy is Aries and even less so that Crystal is a Taurus so.

Taurus-Sun

~ Strong will & aesthetic sense, very tactile

~ Loyal & great at taking care of what they love

~ Patient & present, drinks in life with no rush

Sagittarius-Rising

~ Wide-eyed truth seeker, lives life as a quest

- Spontaneous, adventurous, philosophical soul

~ Inclusive & generous, magnet for opportunity

Cancer-Moon

~ Soulful & deep, needs emotional security

~ Sympathetic, extra sensitive & very protective

~ Sentimental, strong ties to the past & family

So, he'd be a perfect balance of earth, fire and water in his big three. Taurus Sun, aka he is grounded enough to have a stable base people he cares about can lean on. Fiercely loyal, once you have his affection, he'd anything for you(cough like fight a demon or go to Hell cough). As a Venus sign, he cares about his apperance, but still keeps it comfortable. Hence why he looks so effortless cool throughout the series. Also Tauruses often love to indulde in little pleasures, such as food, so it's no wonder Charles complains about missing spaghetti. He is a creature of comforts.

His down to earth attitude balances well with Edwin's Capricorn qualities. Both are grounded, but when Edwin focused solely on the goal, Charles is there ti be present in the moment and notice what happens around them and react accordingly. Like with the Night Nurse, where Edwin froze, because he had no idea how to face this kind of threat. Charles was present and his protective instincts kicked in immediately.

Then we have Sagittarius Rising. I knew he had to be some sort of fire sign, because that boy has so much inner fire to keep him going. And Sagittarius is exactly that. Rising signs are all about how one is perceived, and Sagittariuses are positive and friendly, with boundless energy. One could say that Charles' statement of being "aces with people" fits perfectly here. They are always here for the new adventure and experiences, especially when they are surrounded by people they love to be around.

Last but not least is Cancer Moon. Cancers are known for having many emotions, even having a reputation for crying often, although that's not necessarily true. Having it as his Moon, that represets emotions, especially hidden ones, does mean Charles has lots of feelings. He is sensitive to feelings of others, and in normal circumstances, should be of his own. However, he, similarly to Edwin, isn't a fully realized Cancer Moon at the beginning of the series. He bottles up his feelings, hiding behind his more "desirable" Rising. But eventually, the dam breaks, and he cries and/or lashes out.

Also, interestingly, Cancer Moons are known to be very possessive, which we see when Edwin is spending time with Monty or the Cat King.

With his full potential realized(which I think, he has more work to do than Edwin does as things stand rn) he'll be a wonderful friend, attentive partner and somehow who freely expresses his emotions, both good and bad.

#dead boy detectives #charles rowland #payneland #....kinda #dbda astrology #rio rambles

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theealbatross · 2 days

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love is the most twisted curse of all (shadow trio headcannon)

Plot: How the Shadow Trio expresses their love and the price they willingly pay for it.

Tags: dark-ish, unhealthy friendships/relationships, platonic (or not depends on your interpretation), codependency, manipulation, aged up, implied crimes, implied murder, slytherins can't love normally, implied seb x mc if u squint, traumatized!slytherins can't accept healthy love, seb and mc are dark wizards, auror!sebastian, my opinion only, might be ooc

[A/N: Photos (except two) are not mine! This is something short I wrote because i can't get it out of my head lol]

Ominis Gaunt: The Heir

. Ominis loves by doing what is necessary.

. A perfect Slytherin through and through, Ominis (whether he is aware or not) lives the closest truth to the Slytherin motto. Anything that is 'his' is protected at any and all cost.

. There is no heaven high enough he won't reach or a hell low enough that he won't crawl in if it meant saving the people dearest to him.

. Like the perfect slytherin heir Ominis is akin to a snake, his morality slithering and bending to fit his narrative. His bones creak, skin stretching as he wraps himself around his loved ones until they are untouchable.

. He is aware of his flaws but he is not so honorable to fix it. He knows the real world -- the darker side of the wizarding world's high society, one that his companions aren't too familiar with -- and he will move hell and high water to protect them from it in the shadows.

. Dark Spells being used a bit too closely in where Sebastian is stationed? It must be those damned dark wizards, Minister. Isn't Auror Sallow so gallant in facing those pests?

. Poacher corpses leading a trail to you? Surely, such stains of the wizarding world wouldn't be missed. The Hero of Hogwarts did us all a favor, it would be a shame to condemn such heroics.

. Suspicious rumors following his friends? Not while he was at the top of high society, manipulating reputations and snuffing out nonbelievers. Any tongue that rises against them will be cut.

. He is a Gaunt, and as much as he loathes the dark history behind his name -- he knows how to wield its power. He is the only one who can properly wield it and it is a sword he is willing to use -- if necessary.

Sebastian Sallow: The Prodigy

. Sebastian loves by monopolizing.

. As a boy who lost too much at such a young age, his entire world surrounds the few people he considers his own. And if you are one of his people know his whole world will surround you.

. He has to have access and knowledge of his loved ones at all times. In-depth, illegal, background checks on all people his pretty witch associates herself with? Fair game, it's for your safety, darling. Charmed pieces of jewelry that lets him know of your location at all times? Christmas and birthday gifts from him to you, wear it at all times or he'll charm it so it never gets removed. A ring that will transport Ominis to his side at the first sign of danger? Ominis you are far too important a person to put your life on mere Aurors hands, I'll handle it.

. Normal people would be put off but after all the things the three of you have been through, putting your lives and safety in Sebastian's hands is the best course of action. It is for your own good, after all.

. Sebastian is fully aware he has unfortunately been cursed with having brilliant friends with bounties in their heads in the underworld. Therefore, the best course of action would be the one to rule it.

. Living a double life as the honorable Head Auror and a dark wizard was not for the weak but Sebastian has always been used to compartmentalizing different faces for different facets of his life. A brilliant student, a delinquent, a doting brother, a traitor, a partner in crime, a merciless murderer. He'll wear any and all masks and become the monster he is required to be if it meant he got to keep you.

. Sebastian doesn't have a lot of people he loves so he will not ask for forgiveness in how he protects those that is willing to be loved by him. They're his -- his to love, his to protect, his to consume.

. And he'll let all the curses and corpses pile up into a mountain of sins before he'll lose anyone ever again.

MC: The Hero

. She loves through devotion.

. Once you consider them as a friend they can do no wrong in your eyes and if they do commit mistakes you will dig the deepest pit to bury it in with your own bare hands.

. Being told you were special, you were different, you were powerful at a very early age fractured your reality. The world is your oyster, it will be whatever you deem it to become.

. For what is power if you can't even help those you love the most?

. Do you want me to take care of 'it', Omi? You know I hate it when you strain yourself with politics. Someone tried to take Sebastian to court for excessive violence? Who is it? Are you going to handle it or should I? Why can't they just let him be?

. You will follow them blindly at whatever corner of the earth they are calling from. Anything that has to do with them is a priority of the highest order as far as you are concerned-- so much so that people have to go to Ominis and Sebastian first to convince them to convince you to help.

.There is no such thing as a good or bad anymore -- you will stand on whatever side they are on, and the rest of the world can decide if they want to stand with you or against you.

. There will be no such thing as a consequence if you had anything to say about it. And you had the final say about everything.

. All will always be well for you and everyone you love. You will make sure of it.

.You are special, after all.

#sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian sallow x reader #hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow fanfiction #hogwarts legacy sebastian #sebastian sallow headcannons #hogwarts legacy fanfiction #ominis gaunt #ominis gaunt headcannon #sebastian sallow x reader x ominis gaunt #sebastian x reader x ominis #shadow trio

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merao-mariposa · 1 day

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I have your back, you have my heart

Day three of the pissa/death duo week! This au was the idea of @amymorningstar in this post I really wanted to write about the Mafia Pissa and this was a good excuse for!

“Mafia + I promised you as long as I'm with you you'll never be alone again”

(…)

Philza Minecraft had been on the dark side of the streets for a very long, long time, since his first interventions dismantling brothels that were a little too... “flexible” with the idea of consent going to authentic inhumane places, all falling under the scourge of the Angel of Death until a man, a friend, appeared in front of him with the idea of dominating the criminal world, converting it to his ideals. That was a long time ago but corruption spreads like a fire in gasoline and Phil was there to suffocate it until it went out.

Maybe it was his cruelty in how he snuffed out the lives of those corrupt men that led him to pay the karma he was paying right now, he doesn't know.

The man sitting at his desk looked miserable for say the least, from the outside you feel the discord in the trademark half-twisted hat or the uncorked bottle of wine resting on his messy desk but you can see how the damage runs deeper than that if you know Philza well enough, the immaculate two pieces-suit stand out like a sore thumb on a man so casual and relaxed, the white shirt is buttoned at the neck almost restrictively, and his trail of beard is just a little more prominent than it has been in recent months.

The last few months, that sugar-filled almost year where mafia boss BOLAS had been closer to being an angel than he would ever be since he lived in what he could only call heaven.

His arrival in heaven was a young man with messy, dark hair. His purple eyes dragged him deep into the flames of hell now that they were no longer looking at him.

The fact that he had no one else to blame but himself didn't make it any easier.

But when Sinfonia appeared everything was perfect. He was reserved but easy to smile, aloof but with loyal friends, so pathetic (and cute) yelling at the slightest threat but he was a real threat in front of some of the most ruthless members of BOLAS, selective but had two beautiful kids who looked alike barely in the whites of the eyes, even his last name “Sinfonia” evidenced the harsh contradiction that surrounds the object of the crow's loves, a man as gifted in every possible musical instrument as if he had the Midas touch, and yet that very appropriate last name wasn't real. His Missa was a set of contradictions and embarrassing coincidences over knots in lavender stems.

Which in retrospect must have been a loud alarm, a siren announcing the disaster that his false moon left in its wake in the crow's heart.

It turns out that his love lied, the fire burning inside him to abandon important meetings for the sole purpose of sharing more time of his life with him as opposed to the absolute security of being understood as someone returning to his childhood home (beloved, cared, welcome) with the ease of riding a bike. All of that had been a waste.

The soft hugs that lulled him into deep dreams (chasing away the nightmares that Missa shouldn't know about for his own good) to the chaste kisses all over the face that released the negativity from his husband's shoulders (and if instead of being a result of his low self-esteem was his guilt taking charge?) to the private kisses that said “I miss you” and “one last time, love” without the words, all were nothing but lies.

Not that he had cared much about anything at that moment, he found himself focused on his children (because now they were also Phil's children) they were angels and he only had the head to raise them with Missa, who returned with a sweeter demeanor after his night walks and long work trips, he tenderly asked for nap together as a family.

He should have questioned more why Missa disappeared like that, coincidentally, just when Phil was paying for the services of the most dangerous mercenary on the black market, unlike the assassins he had on his payroll, this guy had the prestige of killing only with his touch, too lethal and above all cautious, Phil did not even met him in person, they only contacted through third parties who agreed on the service and only told about his violet hood and his skull mask. It is said; no one has seen his face and lived to tell.

Like I said before; Phil is old, he's been in the environment for years where only an intelligent man could live as long as he does, with that in mind how was it possible that he didn't know that his sweet husband was actually the most dangerous bastard in the underworld? Shocked by the discovery, in this kind of world, someone you trust can stab you in the back so how can you trust a man who lied to you?

And Missa knew who Philza Minecraft was, what his name means, he always knew, he did always know when something had gone wrong and Philza needed more comfort, always two steps ahead of his needs because he knew it.

The time after their fight breaks up, everything is a drunken blur in the crow's mind, he doesn't remember what they said, he only knows the screams and the revolver clicking in his left pocket while Missa, The Reaper or whoever it was have knowledge of the gun in his pocket and as soon as he pointed it at the man he said he loved time ago the gun was already on the ground, rolling behind this man who was unrecognizable to Phil, the shouting match continued more heated after the blonde pointed his gun at the helpless and clumsy Missa.

That was the last time he saw Missa.

Phil has been so distracted, tired and paranoid since then, even the security is a disaster ignoring the advice of the rest of BOLAS. Philza has scattered guards in unimportant areas, some stuck to him all day but the majority watch that Missa does not return or get close to the children (his children; Missa's own children) Chayanne almost bites him at the slightest suspicion of not being able to see his father, so his impenetrable fortress suddenly becomes a weak place.

Literally and metaphorically

He ordered several guards not to even dream of setting foot in certain areas of the family mansion (those such as the music room, the kitchen and the art studio, any room with traces of Missa must remain identical to how it was before his departure, as if they were waiting for him)

Philza feels betrayed and hurt but above all he is so confused, his rational mind tells him to defend himself, to put up the highest walls to protect himself, his organization and his family but his family is Missa. He is outside and Philza once promised that he will demolish every wall in the world that did not open its doors for the man with purple eyes.

And yet here he is.

Inside his fortress it can breathe the air of a broken family, the kids have believed him for the moment but the tension is felt increasing with every minute they pass without hearing from their papa. Inside the fortress are no longer him and his chicks but a greedy and lonely crow with two brittle shells and a broken heart.

The days pass in that agony until there is a surprise attack from which they cannot respond.

Tensions with the Federal mafia had gotten much worse in recent months, after his formal alliance with Soulfire he did not believe they were going to attack seriously.

But they did.

Thank his Goddess, thank The Lady for allowing Chayanne and Tallulah to be in the school while the white clad mercenaries broke down every door and shot at anything that moved.

At least Missa would get them back and they would be together again. Just as they should have been before he and his greedy hope for a family took that away from them.

As soon as his office door is kicked down one of those white masked sons of bitches puts his hands on him, something happens.

Penetrating in his vision when he sees him but there is stealth in his steps, he is the only one to notice his presence until two bullets (how quickly are repeated) knock down two of the men to dead, wound another in the shoulder, and the last one misses just centimeters away for paint the wall with Philza's skull.

Four shots, two fired before the reaction time of their distracted predators and attacked from the purest darkness, shots fly towards the door and if it was not absolutely broken after that rude kick it is now unusable, falling from its hinges under the siege and behind it are no signs of the mysterious shooter.

Tense seconds pass until one of the feds quickly puts one of his dirty hands in Phil's hair, pulling hard on the golden strands in a hissing threat and that's when he enters the scene.

The men on each side of the door were the first to fall, one quickly takes the place of his fallen companion, his gun raised, ready to shoot, followed by the one with the shot in the shoulder, unfortunately with that wound he is not able to shoot at time to prevent another bullet from the darkness from taking the life of the other one.

The bullets fly again while the threshold of the door swallows the corpse, dragging it out and soon, very soon, his savior enters the room with a constant step carrying the dead body as a kind of human shield.

A well-placed shot, other fall.

And the guy who touched him is one of them, his screams are muffled by his mask and by the gunshots exploding around him.

Phil hides under his desk as fast as he can but not before taking a bullet in the shoulder, it hurts like shit.

But it seems that it hurts them more because he can hear how one by one the white masks fall with sharp blows, they could barely scream in horror before fall with a fatal shott.

Fast, efficient and lethal

When it seems that the rain of bullets is ending, Phil distinguishes the voices from outside his office. That sounds like… Chainsaws? And laughs Phil knows immediately that his best people, who should be with his children, are on and from what he hears they are having fun.

He slowly peeks out of his desk, his hand warm from the blood dripping from his shoulder, and finally sees the reason of his recent insomnia.

Missa, or also known as The Reaper, moves almost with grace but the anger burns in his every movement, it is a wild spectacle as soon as the bullets run out, each man who even tries to get close to Phil is shot down with ease, he watch in trance as his husband smash anyone who tries to get close to him to pieces.

“M- Missa…?” he comes out as a dismayed whisper

The Reaper turns to look at him for half a second, which one of them takes advantage of to kick him in the stomach. Missa lets out a grunt of acute pain but holds the guy's leg with his hands, taking advantage of pushing him forward, knocking another of them against the favorite glass table.

The two guys are left on the floor, one on top of the other and one's suit is now full of glass.

And just like that Missa goes for the next one and Phil can only watch in shock.

Missa is The Reaper, The Reaper is Missa. They are both the same person; they have been forever.

Missa, his Missa is his mercenary and his mercenary is his husband.

he approaches, slowly, as slowly as he can with a bullet embedded in his shoulder. The cacophony of screams shakes the floor and Philza suddenly realizes that he must have gone down to the panic room.

The weight of not doing so clings to his shoulders, the clear implications trying to cross the capo’s tired mind like a malicious whisper makes him feels so wrong, so manipulative.

But he was waiting for him to save him

Of a thousand people in this aggressive environment who swore their loyalty to him and finds himself depending on the arrival of the one who not only never swore anything to him but also betrayed him.

Oh well, who betrayed who?

After yelling at him for lying to him when he also lied, pointing a gun at him and taking him away from his own children, he knows that the Philza of the past would have sent him to hell for ruining the things with Missa.

Missa knew who he was before, he knew it from very early on and that affected Phil, it made him feel cornered and at a disadvantage. He realized at that moment that he was afraid; he didn't fear the hitman under his roof as much as he feared the man under his sheets. feared he was so vulnerable letting him walk around the red mafia's base of operations, taking the children to school every morning, training Chayanne and hearing Tallulah's flute in the distance did terrified him, his worst nightmare was in how his heart was warmed by them so soft and gentle in the reaper's expert hands he could take out his heart and the worst thing is that he would have left it in order to see the children and Missa every morning when he woke up.

My God, he was crazy, he went crazy when he fell in love with him and even crazier when Phil sabotaged his own happiness.

Loneliness tasted bitter on his lips, power and honor became poison with the diffuse days, with his cold bed at night, with his absence piercing his chest.

The last man fell and with the elegance of a dancer stabbed by a steel dagger into his chest, he did the same with the other two men on the ground. The Reaper left no witnesses or loose ends.

He could hear in the distance Baghera and Cellbit stopping their chainsaws which was a good sign. The Federation had basically sent a mini army to his grounds and he partly wondered if his men knew that Missa was there with him.

His name tasted salty when it finally left Phil's lips in a whisper, it tasted like the tears he shed every time he was sober to remember his absence. Behind that mask it is almost impossible to perceive the purple eyes but he knows well that look that is hidden in front of him.

Missa wipes the blood on his own pants with slow movements, the dagger pressed against his thigh until it's clean enough.

“Missa…” Phil insists, he shouldn't insist to the man who has the dagger, especially when he is hurt.

The hairs on the back of his neck stand on end as he feels (not sees) the intense gaze on his shrunken figure, well, at least he now has his attention. The purple eyes that he loves so much scan him from top to bottom and a wave of shame hits the stunned and guilty part of his subconscious as he remembers how he looks even worse for being in the middle of a fucking shootout. That wasn't how he would have wanted to see him again see but it was the most likely way to meet again now that he knew they were in the same work area

His eyes seem to linger on the wound on his shoulder and if he could see his husband's face, he would say he was not pleased with it.

“…Phil” Missa's voice sounds like a late greeting and is focused on him.

Goddess, how he had missed that voice

The professional, and infamous mercenary approaches, a little more hesitant than he should for a man of his reputation and a wave of affection breaks over Philza, he too takes a single step closer and they are looking at each other as the first time, feels like looking at the moon at its peak or the sun descending. He can't, he doesn't have the right to act like a wet cat after tearing up his enemies and expecting Phil to be normal about it. Missa just can't do that to him, he bites back a light laugh and takes another step in his direction. noticing that there is blood on his clothes and some cuts on it but if I had to guess I would say that most of it is from the others and Phil is already losing blood himself.

Missa takes another step, knowing the bleeding has stopped and believing the bullet grazed but he won't be sure until he concentrates on something other than mustering the words to ask him to fucking take off the mask.

Fortunately, he seems to read his mind as Phil doesn't even finish taking another slow step towards him when the mask is finally gone, The Reaper has officially left the room and his husband looms in front of him in his place. Is it strange to say that death is good for him? His face, his hair and the sparkle in his eyes or is the blonde just delirious?

Be that as it may, it doesn't take long for them to find themselves in the middle of the destroyed office as if it were his own world.

"You went"

“You kicked me out.”

“You still shouldn't have left” he replied very intelligently and Missa smiled, a little nervous.

“Does it hurt so much?” The black-haired man worried, looking at his injured shoulder and Philza wasn't having his partner distracted just like that.

"No, no. It doesn't hurt" He responded, knowing that lies were not the best for the relationship at this time.

Missa frowned like a kitten about to sneeze but he allowed this one for him, just for now.

“You… you're right Philza” Missa lowered his head in shame and a confuse “what?” died in the blonde's throat.

"I shouldn't have left-"

“I pointed at you with a gun, mate” he interrupted, feeling guilty and a little freaked out by whatever that means, it all was his fault, why was Missa saying that?

“Still, I should have stayed, I wanted to stay” hesitantly he noticed how Missa’s arms floated loosely around him. They weren't very elegant clothes, just good enough for work and Philza wanted to focus on that and the stains of blood all over his man instead of the new confession, after everything he did, but how could Missa still wanted him?

“Missa…”

“I promised, right?” Phil raised his head suddenly, searching for his gaze between the strands of black hair that escaped from his messy ponytail. “I always keep my promises, dear”

When the members of Bolas made sure they had the entire area clean, they advanced, covering the entire perimeter until they climbed the stairs that led to the red leader's office, they found themselves face to face with the splintered frame of the door, an office in an absolute disaster. with the imposing doors thrown next to the lifeless bodies and in the eye of that past storm was the mob boss.

Philza was leaning against his desk (which was out of its place) the purple cloth acted as an improvised tourniquet and in his arms was the waist of a tall man with black hair that they had trouble recognizing at first if it weren't for the clear display of affection, unaware that they had company. Now Phil kept his face buried in the taller man's torso as if he were afraid to let him go again and Missa hummed, deeply satisfied with having his little bird in his arms again, he carefully avoided the other man's shoulder but remained attentive, didn't want to leave that wound out of sight until he could drag his husband stubborn ass to the infirmary. Ignoring the living and dead audience, the couple was trapped in their own world, little giggles that didn't seem to go anywhere, dying and returning with each other's laughter in a vicious circle, finally together.

“I promised you, I didn’t? as long as I'm with you you'll never be alone again, cuervito”

EXTRA:

“You look pretty good with that ponytail you know, mate?”

“Philza!”

“So, guys, do I tell Jaiden that there will be no divorce?”

“Shut the fuck up, Charlie”

#qsmp #qsmp missa #qsmp philza #pissa #pissa week #pissa/deathduo week #pissa au #qsmp shipping #tw mafia themes #tw dead mention #nothing graphic #but still #qsmp bolas

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