#i need a scene where he flashbacks to Fives! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whorergal · 1 year

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SHE'S MINE (PART THREE)

summary: you and ethan form a plan but in order for it to work, you need to make it look believable…

warnings: scream vi spoilers, language (cussing), blood, gore. follows the plot loosely. happy ending, i promise.

pairings: ethan landry x fem!reader

authors note: here's the final part! i just wanted to say thank you for all the likes and reblogs!! it's honestly so sweet of everyone and it means a lot to me! i have a bunch of ideas for ethan so look out for more imagines and hopefully a masterlist for easier navigation (i'm still new to this lol) :-) i love u all so much

❗️: u can find part one here and part two here <3

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To say that you were surprised when finding out about Ethan and his relation to Richie Kirsch would be an understatement. He had been someone that you had hated and even vented to Ethan about when you two first met. It just seemed very ironic. Although Ethan did love his brother, he knew the things he did weren't right once he realized how much shit he put you through.

The late night calls because of your nightmares, the flashbacks you would get whenever someone touched you too roughly, having to avoid the scars on your body because it brought you back to Woodsboro; it opened his eyes.

You weren't entirely shocked to find out Quinn was the other Ghostface that attacked you. She always had some unsaid vendetta against you and you realized now it was just because of your history. What did shock you was to find out Detective Bailey was the mastermind behind it all—not only that, but he was also Ethan and Quinn's father.

He showed up the moment you and Ethan met your friends outside their apartment. Mindy had stolen you from Ethan, leaving him alone with Chad, who was asking him questions to confirm his whereabouts. Luckily, you made sure to practice what to say with him on the train ride there. It seemed your excuses sufficed because Chad nodded, apologizing for thinking the worst.

While on your trip to the run-down theater, Chad had taken Mindy, thanking you for lifting her mood (you three had always been close since you were kids). You walked in the back alongside Ethan, holding his hand to calm your nerves which ended up in you receiving a look from Bailey. You don't think he knew you noticed but ever since you found out about him, you had been unintentionally tense around him.

The memorabilia that had been collected scared the hell out of you. It increased your worries despite knowing everything would end up being okay.

Tara seemed to notice how your breathing began to increase and stepped closer to you. "Hey, you okay?"

You looked at her, faking a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just going to get some air."

The group all watched you leave. Chad was going to follow after you but Tara stopped him when they saw that Ethan had already been on your trail. She smirked at him.

"You owe me five bucks," Tara informed him.

"Shut up," Chad replied, shaking his head.

No one found you two suspicious. If anything, your sudden relationship seemed to throw them off your tracks.

Everyone left the theater, finding you two on the steps, you tiredly laying in his arms. Tara smiled at you two, gesturing for you to follow. When you got up, Mindy reclaimed you as her own again, pulling you away from Ethan as she needed your comfort. You talked with her the whole walk to fill her mind with distractions.

They all needed somewhere to recoup and to come up with a reliable plan. You offered your apartment, knowing theirs was most likely still a crime scene. Yours hadn't been messed up in the sense that there was no broken doors and bloody messes all over the floor. Mindy actually agreed, saying she wanted to sit in Anika's room alone for a little bit.

"Don't mind the mess," you joked once entering. Your books were scattered about the place. "And the…blood," you muttered when you saw some it trailing where you had dragged yourself across the kitchen.

None of them cared much, getting right into what to do next. You ended up leaving to your room because your stitches were hurting like hell and you didn't want to cause any alarm to them about it.

You sat there, alone for a few minutes until you heard a quiet knock on the door. Honestly, you were expecting Tara, or maybe Chad because he kept eyeing you frequently, but Ethan peeked his head inside and you sighed of relief. He gave you his awkward smile and entered slowly, shutting the door softly behind him.

"Hey, are you feeling okay?" he asked, walking over to take a seat on your bed beside you.

You nodded, holding back a wince at the movement he caused which made you flex your muscles. "Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. Nothing I'm not used to."

"Your stitches," he realized aloud, leaning closer. "Shit, I forgot. Do they hurt?"

"Sort of," you responded, gripping your stomach as if it would make the pain go away.

"Is there anything I can do?" He looked at you softly, as if his eye contact could harm you.

You forced a smile. "Distract me, please."

"Well, I, uh," he stuttered. "I came up with a plan."

"A plan?" You questioned, confused.

"Yeah. I talked to my dad while at the theater and I found out the last steps he and Quinn will be taking," Ethan informed you which wasn't exactly the distraction you wanted but nevertheless, it was useful. "He doesn't know about you, or about us so I have him convinced that the reason I saved you was because I wanted to kill you myself."

You widened your eyes. "Oh."

"Obviously, I'm not going to—"

"I know, E."

He nodded before continuing. "Quinn's going to get Gale next. Then she'll be heading for us. I'm not too sure what she wants to do but I know it'll involve someone in the group in order to keep them all from going to the theater. My guess will be Mindy. When that happens, she'll go for you next so you have to stick with me."

"Go for me next?" you repeated for more clarification.

"I told my dad that I wanted you there for act three. Quinn will knock you out, take you to the theater, dress you up in a robe and frame you as a Ghostface." He paused, scanning your expressions. It wasn't a bad idea, actually, other than the fact that you'll be framed as a psychotic murderer.

"Okay, so I just have to pretend that I don't know?" you questioned, wanting to make sure.

"Yes, exactly," he answered. "They're under the impression that I'm going to kill you so they'll tell Sam and Tara you're the Ghostface to throw them off and when the reveals happen, you'll be given to me."

You nod slowly, taking a second to let all the information sink in before worrying aloud. "What if they don't? What if Quinn ends up hurting me again?"

"I won't let anything happen to you," he declared, grabbing your face in his hands. "She knows better now."

Your eyes softened as you nod again for the last time. Then you fell forward into his arms, just wanting to be held. He did as told, being careful with your injury, and just played with your hair which made you smile.

"You know, when I said distraction, that wasn't really what I meant," you mumbled into his chest.

He furrowed his brows. "What did you—" then he stopped himself when he realized. "Oh."

You laughed until it turned into a wince. He pulled you apart from him to make sure you were okay. You nodded silently, diving right back into his arms again. It gave you comfort.

You and Ethan stayed close to each other the entire time you were with the group. He didn't want you to be without him, afraid losing you for one second would mean he would lose you forever. His hand was interlocked with yours or settled on top of your thigh—whatever physical touch he could get from you. You even ended up falling asleep on his shoulder inside the van with Kirby, Chad and Mindy.

Then when you guys detected the call was coming from Gale's apartment, kudos to Quinn, that was where you all headed to next. It was where you learned that Gale had actually survived her fatal attack which you wanted to snicker at because Quinn failed again but you held it back to not look weird.

Sam had created a plan with Kirby and Bailey to head to the theater in order to lure Ghostface and lock him in. Apparently that was Bailey's idea which made sense seeing as he was one of the Ghostface's. So you all headed to the train station in order to get a lift to the rundown area.

Someone had ended up shoving you away from the group, elbowing you right in the stomach. You had to pause, grunting in pain until you looked up and couldn't find anyone. You forced yourself to suck up the pain and roughly shove everyone out of your way which helped you catch sight of Ethan's worried expression, searching the crowd presumably for you.

He found you almost immediately, adjusting his backpack and running straight to you.

"I'm sorry," he apologized when he got to you.

"It wasn't your fault," you reassured him.

You two finally reached the train right when it began to ride away from you. You groaned, knowing everyone had caught it together but then you saw Mindy ahead, doing the same thing as you.

"Mindy!" you hollered, causing her to turn and let out a sigh of relief to find out she wasn't alone.

"Thank god," she muttered. But then she saw Ethan and pulled you away from him protectively. "Get your Ghostface ass away from us, Ghostface."

Ethan gave her an offended look, watching as she created a safe distance from him. He kept looking at you two, making sure you were okay but Mindy would gesture for him to stop with arm movements. It caused him to roll his eyes.

When you entered the next train, you tried to convince Mindy to stick close to him in order to eliminate one of you from being attacked. She didn't listen but knew better than to force you to stay with her so she told you to "go to your boyfriend". You scoffed playfully at her childish behavior, finding her stubbornness amusing.

You had to squeeze through people to reach where he stood in the middle. When he saw you, his expression softened as he went forward to help you. Thankfully, there was a seat open right by where he stood so you sat there, mindlessly staring around as the train shook you.

The lights kept flickering and it gave you immense amount of anxiety. Ethan's eyes seemed to be fixed on Mindy, as if making sure she was okay as well. It must have meant Quinn was nearby seeing as she was targeting Mindy next.

Once the train finally came to a stop, Ethan turned to you and helped you up since your wounds were hurting more than usual. You instantly looked for Mindy but couldn't find her, sending you into a panic. You let go of Ethan, pushing people out of the way until you saw her lumped figure against the back of the train, a large stab wound in her gut.

Ethan and you both let out a jumble of curses while helping her up, leading her out of the train while calling for help.

You three were escorted to the nearest hospital where she went under immediate surgery and you even got yourself checked. Your stitches had reopened—which explained why they hurt so much—so they sewed them back together and even wrapped it up which made it feel a lot more secure.

The doctor released you, letting you return to where Mindy's room was. When you reached her floor, it was strangely quiet. Ethan had left you earlier, saying he needed to find Quinn, which you didn't pay much mind to as you assumed it was so he didn't look suspicious.

You scrolled through your phone, having not received any texts from Tara or the rest of the group that wasn't with you which made you nervous. They were probably busy setting up the theater but you couldn't help but assume the worst. In the midst of your distraction, you found yourself stepping into an unknown liquid which caused you to look from your phone to the floor.

It was blood.

Your mind immediately went to Mindy, but before you were able to worry about her, you were smacked across the head which sent you falling to the hard floor. Your vision started to become black when you swore you heard Ethan's voice.

"Ssh. It's okay, I got you."

- -

You awoke by the sound of excessive footsteps happening all around you. The bright lighting in the room caused your head to throb, making you squint your eyes until you felt well enough to open them all the way. You immediately recognized the room and knew you were inside the theater. You had no idea where Ethan was or what the hell was going on but you were positive that answer would come soon.

Slowly, you started to get up from your position, propping yourself up on your elbows. You looked around but your eyes couldn't help focusing on the black robe covering your entire body. Even though Ethan had informed you about this beforehand, you still felt yourself starting to panic.

What if he changed his mind? What if this was the plan all along; make you think he was on your side just to easily lure you into this trap. No, no, Ethan wouldn't do that.

"Look who's awake," the familiar voice that belonged to Detective Bailey spoke.

You searched around the room until his figure came into view, wearing an evil smirk. "What the hell is going on?"

"You don't get it, do you?" Actually you did. "You know the plan. You know why we're here; to stop Ghostface. It was pretty easy to convince Sam that Kirby was mentally unfit and had taken the mantle in her own hands for the best friend she lost…but she couldn't do it alone. That's where you come in."

"What are you talking about?" Your voice was groggy. Your mind was still fuzzy from the hit you received so his voice didn't really sound as close as it was to you. "Are you saying that Kirby's Ghostface?"

"Well, to Sam and Tara she'll be," he told you. Then he crouched to reach your level. "And you'll be to."

"What?"

"Kirby needed someone to do the dirty work for her while she couldn't." He shrugged, his voice becoming more and more angered as he continued talking. "Don't worry, you won't be the only one. My own accomplices will take the fall with you until the time is right. But we have to fuck with Sam somehow. We have to make her feel betrayal to throw us off her radar for the best reveal. Make her feel what she's made us feel for the past year."

"You're Ghostface?" you questioned. Your fogged up mind was really helping you play the part of confused.

He nodded. "And so are you."

You looked at him in disgust. "What the fuck?"

"It has to be this way, Y/N," he tutted in sarcastic sadness. It pissed you off. "You were the easiest pawn in this game. Your betrayal will weaken them the most. It's the perfect fucking idea!"

"Fuck you!" you yelled, kicking him straight in the face.

You were able to throw him back. Your uneasy state didn't help you much in your favor because as you lifted yourself up, your knees gave out. The mix of pain coming from your wounds plus your throbbing head made you nauseous that you didn't even completely register the feeling of Bailey gripping you by the hair until the cold touch of his gun was placed against your temple.

Unable to move in general, you froze.

"Unless you want your brains splattered across this wall, I'd suggest you follow my orders," he threatened. You winced at the rough shake he gave your head in order to emphasize his words. You immediately surrendered to which he noticed and nodded at. "Good."

He let go of your hair forcefully, it caused you to fall forward, catching yourself. You heard shuffling coming from behind you but when you turned to look, his back was the only thing you could make out. "What are you doing?"

"You need this to complete your costume," he responded, walking back over to you. He was enthusiastically holding a mask in the air. "This is Mickey Altieri's mask. I thought he would fit you well, you know, once I paint you to be this psycho who wanted to kill your friends for fun."

You glared at him. "They'll never believe you."

"Oh, I think they just might." He nodded, forcing the mask over your face which you tried to fight against. Then, there were gunshots heard which made you flinch and Bailey chuckle. "It's showtime."

He forced you on your feet by your robe, holding you tightly in his grip as he dragged you out of the room. You had no strength so he was basically holding your entire weight as you struggled to find balance. With your lack of stability, there wasn't much you could do and also because you felt his gun poking your back as if to keep you in your place.

"Get away from the girls!" Bailey announced his presence, pulling you along with him like a rag doll. "It's over, Kirby! I got you and your partner!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Kirby questioned in utter disbelief and you didn't blame her.

"Cut the bullshit!" Bailey hollered. "I saw this one helping you out to stage your attack!"

"What?!" Kirby's voice rose an octave.

"Who is this, Kirby? Huh?" he asked, referring to you as he shook you in his grip.

"I have no idea, okay?! It's not me!"

"Well, I'll just have to see for myself—" he was muttering to himself, using the hand that held his gun to rip the mask off your face. "Oh my god…"

"Y/N?" Sam looked at you in betrayal.

"What the fuck," Tara whispered, backing away from you.

"Stop! It's not me!" you yelled, squirming but he readjusted his grip. "It's not Kirby either! He's lying!"

"Y/N Y/L/N?" Bailey questioned. "How could you? Where the hell are the others?!"

"You're insane!" you yelled at him. You redirected your attention to them, finding it hard to breathe. "I'm not Ghostface! He is! He knocked me out and forced me into this costume! Please, you have to believe me!"

"Did you and Y/N kill Quinn?" Bailey asked in anger, his question targeted at Kirby. "Did you two kill my daughter?!" He shook you, looking at you when he finished his question.

"Jesus Christ!" Kirby let out.

"We didn't do anything!" you answered, feeling your voice beginning to give out. "You know that, you asshole!"

"Whatever he's been saying to you, don't listen to him! Y/N and I are innocent!" Kirby defended you both. "He's probably Ghostface."

"Why would he kill his own daughter?" Sam couldn't help but question, glancing back and forth between you and Kirby.

"Because he's a psycho!" you answered loudly.

"It doesn't make any sense—"

Kirby's voice overpowered Tara's concern as you saw her eyes go wide and gun straighten. "Behind you!"

You heard loud footsteps rushing toward you from behind but everything went silent the moment Bailey shot his gun, landing two bullets in Kirby's stomach. She fell to the ground, causing you to gasp. You let out another shriek when you felt a pair of strong arms grab you from behind, restricting you from movement as they dragged you along with them to stand beside Bailey.

It was Ethan.

"Great job," Bailey complimented. "Both of you."

"What the fuck?" Sam breathed out in confusion until she saw your frightened figure still being held. You saw guilt flash across her face for not trusting you.

"Let her go!" Tara screamed, heading for you but Sam had to hold her back.

It caused Bailey to chuckle. "Oh, you should've seen the look on your faces. To think your only friend would betray you but she's actually innocent; just ended up being in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Fuck you!" You let out.

Ethan covered your mouth with his gloved hand and you instinctively relaxed in his grip but forced yourself to fight him in order to make it look believable. You assumed he wanted to make sure your words wouldn't end up pissing Bailey off so he didn't do anything rash to you.

You were fading in and out of reality. You weren't paying attention until Bailey nudged Ethan to take off his mask.

He pulled it off with a smile on his face.

You looked up from where he had you, your mouth dropping into a fake gasp. "E-Ethan?"

"Hi, baby," he whispered in your ear. "Mindy was right. It was easy to juke the roommate lottery. I mean, all I had to do to meet you guys was to room with a conceited, condescending asshole, literally named Chad. Fuck, it felt good to kill him!" His tone made you flinch; he sounded really insane. Then he rose his mask in the air. "This was your grandmother's Sam; Nancy Loomis. Really runs in the fucking family, doesn't it? And speaking of family…my names not Ethan Landry. Isn't it, dad?"

Tara looked lost. "Dad?"

"Had to keep it secret. I mean, I had to get close to you guys somehow," Ethan stated, leaning his cheek to be against yours. He gave you a quick kiss on the cheek which would've made you blush in any other circumstance. "Had to have Y/N for myself."

"You're psychotic," you told him.

Catching him off guard, you managed to shove his arms away from you. Tara and Sam were prepared to pull you away but he gathered you rather easily as you didn't make it much of a battle to. You just needed to look like you weren't comfortable with being in this position.

What startled you was the feeling of his blade being placed against your throat. "Not so fast," he whispered.

You gulped. Now you were really afraid.

"Let her go, you asshole!" Tara shouted.

Ethan pulled the knife away and rose it at her which absentmindedly made her flinch. "Oh, come on. Y/N doesn't mind this. Don't you, baby?"

"Fuck you," you breathed out.

"So vulgar that mouth of yours." His attention was purely on you as his knife was placed back against your throat.

Tara watched in disbelief, shaking her head.

"Ethan was the one who came up with this plan," Bailey said proudly, squeezing his son's shoulder. "He knew how easy it would be to make Y/N fall for him. It kept him from looking suspicious because nobody suspects the caring boyfriend."

They both began to chuckle together. You rolled your eyes at them. It caused Ethan to dig the knife deeper into your skin, on the verge of slicing you.

"Wait," Sam interrupted them. "If it's you two, then that just leaves…"

While they all gawked in betrayal at Quinn's reveal, Ethan leaned his lips close to your hair to cover his words. "You okay?"

You glanced at him and you could see the apologetic look in his eyes for the position he had you in. You nodded very slightly before trying to squirm out of his grip again.

"Hey, roomies. You didn't see that one coming, did you?"

"Yeah, because you died!"

"Kind of didn't." Quinn tilted her head. "I had to get off the suspect list. Stab Gale Weathers, stab Mindy in the train, take Y/N because Ethan couldn't do it himself!"

Ethan rolled his eyes.

"It's funny, isn't it," Quinn continued. "Poor Y/N. She was just trying to help her friends which only led her straight into the trap. Come on, how fucking stupid can you be?!"

"Let her go," Sam stated sternly. "She has nothing to do with this!"

"She has everything to do with this!" Quinn yelled back, walking over to where Ethan still held you. She traced the tip of her knife along your stomach which caused you to shiver as she pressed into your stitches. "She's a killer, just like you, Sam. That's why it'll be easy to frame you both."

"What?" Tara questioned.

"Oh." Quinn jumped from her spot. "You didn't really think we'd take the blame for it. It'll all fall onto Sam, the villain of Woodsboro. She couldn't get enough so she just had to go on another killing spree and she couldn't do it all alone! She needed someone to help her."

"Y/N's not a killer," Sam stated matter-of-factly, watching in disbelief. "Neither am I. We're not killers."

"Oh, shut up!" Quinn snapped.

Bailey walked forward, pulling out a mask from his jacket and raising it for her to see. "You're a killer just like your father."

"No, I'm not!" Sam yelled.

"Yes, you are, you motherfucker! You killed our brother!"

Tara furrowed her brows. "You said your brother died in a car accident?"

"No, no, no, you sweet dumb thing," Ethan jumped into the conversation. "He died in Woodsboro at the hands of your bitch sister with the help of Y/N, here."

Sam's face fell in realization. "You're Richie's family."

"Now she's finally getting it." Ethan smirked.

He gripped your robe, tugging you carelessly to follow him as he and Quinn ventured around the seats in order to get behind Sam and Tara, significantly trapping them. It caused the two to tense and you as well. You weren't sure what was going to happen next.

"Y/N didn't kill him," Sam declared in annoyance. "I'm the one who slit his throat; I'm the one who watched him bleed to death as he cried like a fucking baby."

"Shut your whore fucking mouth!" Quinn lashed out, walking forward to push Sam, catching her off guard.

"Hands off, Quinn!" Bailey demanded loudly which seemed to set his psychotic daughter in place. "Before we get into that, we have something else that needs to be done first." It seemed all their attention fell on you. "Ethan, why don't you go take care of Y/N. Plant her body just where we discussed."

"No!" Tara yelled, attempting to head toward you but was stopped by Quinn, who stepped in front of her with her knife.

Sam pushed Quinn, causing an uproar as they tried to fight her but Bailey put their actions to a pause by facing the gun to their faces. They both shuddered and stopped fighting, having to watch you be dragged away.

"Go, Ethan," Bailey instructed.

"No, no, no," you heard Tara cry out until he pushed you inside the room and the door was shut, silencing all sound.

"God," Ethan groaned, dropping the act, even dropping his knife in the process as he rushed towards you, grabbing your face in his hands as he checked for any injuries. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay? They didn't touch you, right? I didn't mean anything I said; I promise. I hate this so much—"

"Ethan," you interrupted his rambling. "Hey, it's okay. I'm fine, I promise. I've been through worse."

Not wasting another second, he leaned down to pull you into a passionate kiss. Several emotions were coursing through you but once feeling his lips on yours, you felt yourself relax as if you two weren't on the verge of being potentially murdered by his fucked up family.

He couldn't pull away, afraid if he did, he would lose you so you had to be the one to do it—even if it hurt you to. "What's the next step?" you asked him.

"Faking your death," he told you casually. It almost made you want to laugh. "They're too indulged with Sam and Tara to pay attention to us. Besides, they can't hear much but I have to make this look quick."

You nodded, listening as he was about to get into what he wanted you to do next but the sound of footsteps caused you both to go rigid. When you looked past his shoulder, you felt relieved when you saw Kirby, miraculously still standing despite the amount of injuries she had endured, with her gun aimed at Ethan.

"Let her go," she instructed him.

"Kirby, wait," you interrupted, pushing him behind you so now her gun was facing you. "He's innocent."

"What? But I heard him. He killed Chad—"

"I didn't. I didn't hit any major arteries," Ethan defended himself.

"What are you talking about?" Kirby questioned.

"Ethan was Ghostface but he had to be in order to keep me safe so I offered to help him kill Bailey and Quinn for saving my life," you explained very vaguely, your words slurring together. "Please, you have to believe me. He would've done something to me by now if he wasn't."

Kirby took a second to process your words before she began to slowly drop her aim. "Okay. Okay, I believe you."

"Good," you thanked her, turning to Ethan. "What's next?"

"Down the hallway will lead you into the room where the back entrance is located. The plan for them is to make Sam understand what she's done before attempting to kill them both," he told you and Kirby, who had approached you two to watch your backs for any unwanted guests who would pop out. "Our backs will be facing you two and which gives you both the opportunity to get either of them because they won't see you coming."

"Okay." You nodded. "You got that, Kirby?"

"One step ahead of you," she responded.

"And this is for you." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a large hunting knife. "For your protection."

You chuckled breathlessly, taking it from him as you looked up from the knife to him. "We got it from here," you assured him. "Go before they find you suspicious."

Ethan nodded, preparing to leave until he paused, leaning down to pull you back in for another kiss. You sighed into his lips, wanting nothing but to kiss him all day and not have to face the reality that lied outside the room.

"Wrap it up, lovebirds," Kirby said in impatience.

Ethan pulled away, his cheeks flushed red. "Be safe," he demanded more than said.

"You too," you told him, smiling.

He squeezed your hand, as if reassuring you, before he let you go and headed towards the door. He grabbed his knife, taking a second before finally leaving the room.

"Let's go, kid," Kirby demanded, already walking away which gave you no choice but to follow.

She took lead as she was the one with the gun, securing the place before gesturing for you to follow.

While stopped at a corner, her peeking past the wall to make sure it was clear, you couldn't help but question aloud to distract you from your thoughts. "How are you still alive?"

Kirby turned and gave you a look, as if saying 'right now really isn't the time'. You sucked in a breath and nodded, letting her go back to what she was doing.

When you both made it to the room Ethan was talking about, you found Chad propped up against a counter. He looked dazed, on the verge of passing out—or dying. You immediately ran to him, crouching to his level.

"Chad, hey? Can you hear me?" you asked stupidly, grabbing his face.

"…Y-Y/N?" His voice was quiet and weak.

"Yeah, it's me," you answered. "I need you to hold on just a little bit longer, okay? It's almost over with."

"I'm trying," he hissed through his teeth.

"Y/N, when should we make our move?" Kirby asked, making you look to see her peering through the window.

You rubbed Chad's arm reassuringly before getting up to look through the other one right beside her. You could see a video of Richie when he was younger playing on the projector, causing you to scoff.

Kirby glanced at you and back at the scene. "That's the fucker who got you guys last year, isn't it?"

You nodded, feeling angry. All the pent up emotions you forced yourself to swallow over the past year were resurfacing. "Let's get them now."

She nodded, opening the door very quietly. You put your finger to your lips, gesturing for her to stay silent as you crawled forward to the memorabilia. Kirby whispered a bundle of words but you didn't listen as you discreetly reached up at one of the cases, opening it and stealing the knife that was being displayed.

You had no idea who it belonged to previously but you needed to get it just in case Tara or Sam needed one.

When you crawled back to Kirby, she had a surprised mixed with disbelief look on her face. "What the hell?"

"I had to get one for Sam and Tara," you responded.

"Just get behind me," she instructed, which you followed because she was someone you didn't want to piss off.

Kirby took a moment of contemplation, preparing herself before she leaped out, shooting perfectly at Bailey. She had two shots in his stomach but was stopped from continuing as Quinn tackled her to the floor.

You jumped out from your spot, stabbing her straight in the back and throwing her off Kirby.

"Y/N?" Tara questioned, running toward you.

You gasped in surprise when you felt her body being thrown on you, her arms wrapping around your waist. You had pry her arms off of you. "Here, give this to Sam," you said, handing her the knife. "Kill that motherfucker."

"I thought Ethan killed you," she said sadly, tears in her eyes.

Before you could respond, you fell forward into Tara's arms as Quinn stabbed you in the middle of your back. She pulled it out and was prepared to land another one until Ethan shoved her back to the ground, keeping her in place by shoving his knife straight into her chest. At this, Tara looked extremely confused, helping you gain your balance.

You glanced behind your shoulder to see what she was looking at and groaned as you straightened your posture to help yourself stand. "He's on our side," you let out before you pushed her toward Sam. "Just go help Sam—hurry! I'll take care of Quinn."

Tara nodded, making sure you were okay before running back to where Sam was struggling to keep Bailey down.

You turned to help Kirby up from the floor. She dusted herself off and grabbed her gun. "Thanks."

Then you two hovered over Quinn, who was gasping for air as Ethan twisted the knife, causing her to gasp. He pulled it out, blood flying to coat his face as she winced loudly.

Kirby rose her gun, aiming it at her forehead but you stopped her before she could pull the trigger. "Wait."

"What?" Kirby asked, confused.

You didn't answer, leaning down instead to hover above her face as she struggled to move, let alone speak. Blood was spewing out of her mouth as she tried to say something, probably an insult of some kind.

You straddled her waist, gripping her hair as you brought her face close to yours. "Ready to die just like your brother?"

Quinn's eyes widened but she wasn't able to do much as your knife sliced her throat, causing blood to run out. You stood up, returning back to your spot between Ethan and Kirby, watching as she took her last breath. Her eyes fell motionless, staring at the ceiling.

You turned your head to look at Ethan. "You okay?"

Ethan glanced at you, nodding. "Yeah. She was always a terrible sister, anyway."

His response made you smile. Kirby watched the two of you with a smile of her own. "You two did good."

"So did you," you complimented.

She ruffled your hair, earning a smile from you.

A gunshot caused you three to jump, turning around, prepared to attack but became aware that it was from Sam. Tara had the knife in her hand, covered in Bailey's blood as Sam was the cause of the bullet between his eyes.

When you approached them, Sam flinched at the sound of footsteps and rose the gun.

"Hey, it's just us!" Kirby hollered.

Sam nodded until she furrowed her brows, turning her aim at Ethan. He widened his eyes in fear, raising his hands.

"No, wait!" you shouted, jumping in front of him like you had done with Kirby previously. "He's with us."

"What?" Sam questioned.

"It's true," Kirby confirmed, taking a spot next to you in order to shield him as well. "He was the one who told us what to do in order to save you guys."

"But your dad and sister—"

"Are insane," Ethan finished her sentence. "I wanted nothing to do with this. The only reason I helped was because they threatened to kill Y/N," he explained to them, making you reach to hold his hand to comfort him. "I'm sorry for what I've caused and not being able to stop them before we got to this point. I'm really sorry."

"Sorry won't bring back the people we lost," Sam told him.

"I know." He nodded sadly.

"Sam." Tara brought her hand up to force her sister's arm down, making her lower her aim. "He helped us and he saved Y/N. He could've just let us die."

"We don't have time for this," Kirby groaned in annoyance, sticking her gun back into her holster. "You have to get to Chad. I'll call for help."

"Chad?" Tara questioned.

Kirby nodded, leading her into the room where he was situated. She left you, Sam and Ethan alone for any further conversation that needed to be made as she went to go help Tara and call the police.

Sam sighed, dropping the gun. "I can't forgive you, Ethan but I'm sure as time goes by, I can find a way to. You mean a lot to Y/N and she means a lot to me. So, if she's able to trust you and then I am too," she told him, giving a brief smile until she turned serious. "But if you do anything to hurt her, I won't hesitate to—"

"Got it," he interrupted, nodding sternly.

"Good," Sam responded. "I'm glad you two are safe."

"I'm glad you are too," you told her sadly, walking forward to give her hug. "Don't believe anything they said, Sam. You aren't like your father."

"I know, Y/N/N," she whispered, caressing your head.

You heard soft chatter coming from outside the theater room, catching your attention. "It must be the police."

"Let's go," Sam told you both.

You nodded, letting her walk first as you grabbed Ethan's hand in yours. Before you two continued, you paused, turning to face him with a sad expression. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Ethan smiled, genuinely smiled, looking down from where you held his hand back into your eyes. "I will be because I got you and I couldn't be more thankful."

You grinned. As long as I got you.

#ethan landry #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry imagine #ethan landry x you #jack champion #scream imagine #scream vi imagine

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ash-whimsicalfanfic · 11 months

Note

I was wondering if you can please write fanfic. Where the reader is a mother of young twins who is fiercely protective of them because one of them is completely colorblind and the other one is going deaf and nobody on the team knows of their existence.

So one day her babysitter can’t work or something do whatever you like at this part, but basically, the NCIS team finds out about the twins and her fierceness protectiveness and Leroy Jethro is like ok I’m kinda in love with you to you’re officially Mrs. Gibbs five and have fun with it.

Do whatever you like with this and I hope you enjoy writing it. I hope you have a wonderful year a wonderful month in your writing is amazing and I appreciate you.

Fierce Love

Leroy Jethro Gibbs X Fem OC/Reader

Word Count: 4.5K

Warnings: Flashbacks, Mentions of SA, Kidnapping, Mild Language, Violence, Guns, Blood, Suggestive, Angst, Fluff, etc.

Prompt: You are a mother of young twins, one who is colorblind and the other who is going deaf. The team doesn’t know of their existence until something happens to the babysitter who so happens to be your goddaughter. The team finds that you are fiercely protective and fiercely in love with your kids. But, this stands out more to Gibbs because he’s been trying to figure out for

Sidenotes: I used a scene from “The Rookie”, not to the exact measures, but similar.

You look down at the twins you held, your eyes instantly teary as you looked at the two bundles that saved you. They were perfect with their ten fingers, their ten toes, their tiny noses, their tiny lips and their healthy selves.

Adeline Iridessa Y/L/N, you sweet baby girl who was younger by a few minutes. Then her older brother by only minutes, Alexander Archer Y/L/N.

"Mommy will always protect you." You whisper softly.

"Ms. Y/L/N, I'm afraid to tell you that Adeline is colorblind. Alexander is rapidly losing hearing and we fear he may be deaf." Dr. Bryant explains.

You were silent for a moment, trying to soak in this information. You look at the twins for a moment before turning back to him.

"Is there anything we can do to try and preserve and maybe even salvage what hearing Alex has?" You ask.

"We could try some tubes, however I fear that his case is too severe. Here are some pamphlets. This will help Alexander if he needs to learn sign language. It's always good starting them off at a young age anyway. They tend to retain the language better and he will be better. You may want to also have Adeline learn the language for her brother as well." He explains.

You nod, looking at the twins who were wide awake, looking around curiously. Your heart aches knowing that Adeline will never get to see such beautiful colors because she has achromatopsia color blindness and then Alexander will eventually lose his hearing altogether.

4 YEARS LATER

You were sitting at your bullpen, trying to figure out how to make their 5th birthday party the best birthday ever for them. You know you probably spoiled them too much, but they were your babies and you'd be damned if you ever let something happen to them.

The thought of sending them to school was agonizing. Knowing that they were getting older was scary. These were your babies and the thought of anything happening to them sent you into a protective mode instantly.

"Alright, what do we have?" Gibbs asks, coming back from getting coffee.

Tony, Ziva and Tim immediately are up and fighting to tell their finds. However, Gibbs was focused on you who seem distracted on something.

Gibbs was able to read everyone. However, after four years of working for him, he still was trying to figure you out. Almost everything about your file was confidential. He was so brutal on you when you first came here, however he has gotten better over time.

The elevator doors open and everyone turns back. You stand slowly as you see your twins exit the elevator hand in hand with your neighbor following behind them.

"Mommy!" Adeline squeals, running to you and hugging you.

You squat down, hugging her and Alexander. You gently push them back and look to Alexander, signing, "What's wrong baby boy?"

He looked pale and like he wasn't feeling the greatest. Which was strange because before you left this morning, you made sure to make sure both were tucked in and weren't running fevers.

He sighs, signing, "Just worried and tired." You frown, gently guiding them both behind your desk, lifting them both into your chair before your neighbor walks to you.

"Y/N/N, Lexi answered the door this morning and their was a man there who was claiming to be the twins' father. The twins followed your "game" as Adeline put it if a stranger shows up. Lexi was taken by that man. And I came over here as fast I could." She explains.

You let a slow breath out as your heart rate picks up. Lexi was a good girl. She was your older sisters daughter. Lexi made you realize how much you wanted kids of your own. Lexi was like a daughter to you. You look at the twins, knowing that Lexi would do anything for them—just like you—which is probably how she ended up in this situation to begin with.

"Thank you, Bebe. You did the right thing." You say.

"Do you want me to take the twins so that you can work and get Lexi back?" She asks.

"No, no, it's alright. I think I'd feel better knowing they are with me. Thank you, Bebe. I'd say yes if I felt safe about it, but their father is...a very unpredictable man. I don't want to put you or the twins in danger." You explain.

It made you feel guilty, like you didn't trust Bebe, but thankfully she understood where you were coming from. She gave you a big hug, promising that everything would be okay and that Lexi was a tough girl. You knew Lexi was tough. You also knew Lexi would have left clues for you. She leaves and you turn to your team who was watching.

"You have kids?" Tony asks surprised.

"Yes." You say a bit more defensively than you expected, moving in front of the twins.

"Hey, easy there mama bear. I'm just surprised. You have no pictures and you've never mentioned them." He says, putting his hands up in surrender.

You clench your jaw, choosing to keep silent. These were your babies. You know your team wouldn't do anything to them. You knew that they'd protect them just as fiercely as you. However, your protective side was running wild knowing their father was after them and knowing he had Lexi.

Gibbs was staring at you, a small smirk on his lips. He could finally read you and put every piece to the puzzle together about you. It was like you were an open book right now.

I'm so in love with her, he thinks to himself.

"That's a pretty dress you have on sweetie. Is pink your favorite color?" Ziva asks and your heart clenches.

"Adeline can't see colors. She has achromatopsia color blindness. Alexander is deaf...he lost all of his hearing by the time he was one. He knows sign language though. So does Adeline. He can also read lips very well. Both of them can. Even though Adeline can talk, sign language and reading lips is a second nature to her." You explain.

You didn't realize you were nervously rambling, but the team did and smiled softly. They understood the normal moms fierce love for their child, however yours was far fiercer and far more protective. And it wasn't because you were an NCIS agent. It was because both of your babies were special.

"Mommy says pink is my color. And I trust mommy." Adeline says, smiling at Ziva who grins.

"Well, your mommy is very much right. Pink is definitely your color." She says.

"Alex, Addy...this is mommy's friends. That's Ziva, this is Tim and that's Tony. That's mommy's boss, Gibbs." You say, pointing to each of them.

Adeline was in a full conversation with Tony, Tim and Ziva. Alexander was looking at Gibbs who crouches down to his height and signs, "Are you okay?"

Alexander smiles and you look down, a light blush on your cheeks. You always had what Abby liked to call a "school-girl crush" on Gibbs. The elevator doors open and you look over to see Abby skipping towards you.

"Oh my goodness! They are so cute!" She exclaims.

"Mommy, who is that?" Adeline asks while looking at you.

"Mommy?" Abby asks, looking at you with wide eyes.

"Y/N is a mom, Abby. She's just been trying to keep them safe from their father." Gibbs explains before going back to signing with Alexander.

"What? You didn't trust us?" Abby asks.

"Abs, that isn't the case...their father is a terrible man. I thought he was still in prison. But, he isn't and he has my goddaughter who babysits for me...and because he is out, he was trying to get the twins. I just was scared that mostly you would get attached and what if I had to up and leave one day with the twins? I knew staying in one place meant he'd find me. I just..." You trail off and sit down as you bury your head in your hands.

"You have made a family. It explains why you were so distant. How did you and the father meet?" Tim asks.

"I was kidnapped by him when I was undercover. I'm sure you can put the pieces together." You mumble.

"Y/N/N." Abby whispers with watery eyes.

"It's fine. I don't dwell on the past. Not to mention, I've got these two who saved me." You murmur, lifting your head to look at your twins.

The team shared pitiful smiles, never realizing what you have gone through. You let a shaky breath out, moving your hands to your knees.

"They know sign language?" Abby asks while looking at Alexander.

"Alexander is deaf. He can read lips and sign, and Adeline can too. I made her learn too for him. Adeline has achromatopsia color blindness." You explain.

"Okay. Y/N, would you be okay with Abby taking them so that we can get your goddaughter back? And so I can personally speak with the bastard?" Gibbs asks.

"Y-Yeah, of course. Abby...I...I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I...I probably—." You start until she covers your mouth.

"Don't apologize. I understand and I'm not mad. However, I'm making them call me Aunt Abby." She says and you laugh.

"Alright. I mean I've talked about all of you guys to them and that's kind of how I've labeled you. Personally, I think you should be their godmother but if you want to be Aunt Abby, well I guess I'll have to find a different godmother." You say casually as you shrug with a smile and she gasps before squealing and hugging you.

"I want to be the godmother!" She exclaims.

You chuckle and stand before you tap your foot three times pretty hard on the ground. Alexander turns to you, feeling the vibrations on the ground.

"Come here." You sign and he walks over to you.

You kneel and gently grasp Adeline's elbow and she looks at you before moving to stand by Alexander.

"I want you guys to meet someone else. This is your godmother and one of mommy's other friends." You say and sign.

"Okay mommy, who is it?" Adeline asks.

You point to Abby and they both turn. Abby kneels and starts to sign to them which you couldn't help, but smile at Alexander's excitement. He really struggled because it wasn't like everyone knew sign language.

You turn and see a hand outstretched in front of you. It was Gibbs. You take it and he helps you up. You turn to look at the twins who seemed to be in awe. You focus on Abby's hands and notice she is telling them about her lab. You laugh quietly. Both of your twins were in love with anything to do with science so you knew they'd be just fine with Abby.

Abby looks at you and grins before she takes their hands and goes to lead them to the elevator. You find yourself having an internal battle, wanting to go with them, but you managed to keep yourself rooted to where you stood. You feel a hand on your hip and turn to see Gibbs.

"They are with Abby. They are safe." He mumbles.

You nod, knowing he was right and he pats your hip twice as Tony excitedly announces since it's your case, your lead.

"We should start at my house. Lexi is a smart girl and she would've left clues. I know her. And knowing that man, he probably searched the house for the twins. But, Lexi told them to play that game when a stranger comes over. It's basically a game to them, but it's something I've done in case someone tries to get to the twins. They have a hiding spot. Lexi and I are the only ones aware of that spot." You explain.

"It's good you had that in place." Ziva says as you all head to the elevator.

"I know I probably seem like an overbearing mom and that I'm really overprotective, it's just...I worry. And Alexander can't hear what's going on and I know Adeline will talk to anyone and everyone because she doesn't understand the dangers of talking to strangers. She thinks I'm mean for saying we can't talk to people we don't know." You explain.

"Y/N, we aren't judging you. Your an amazing mother. You have no need to worry." Gibbs says softly.

You look at him for a moment and nod. You go with Gibbs to the car as the other three go to the van. You felt extremely stressed and nervous so when traffic hit, it was even more stressful.

"They arrived at the house. I'd try to get us out but we are blocked in." Gibbs says.

You sigh, running a shaky hand through your hair. He studies you for a moment before putting a hand on your thigh. You look at him and he smiles slightly.

"We will get her back." He says.

It was silent, his hand on your thigh and your brain was now running about your "school-girl crush" on him.

"Gibbs, I need to tell you something." You admit.

"I know." He says softly, grinning.

"You know?" You ask confused.

"I know." He says, the both of you looking at each other.

"Then what was I going to say?" You ask.

"That you like me." He says and your cheeks flush.

"Was it really that obvious?" You ask quietly and he chuckles.

"Trust me, I only know because I was looking for the same signs." He says, looking ahead.

"Wait, you like me too?" You ask.

"Mhm. After we wrap up this case and the other one we are working on, I'd like to have you over for dinner." He says.

"I'd like that a lot." You say softly, your cheeks flushing red.

"Alright, we got prints but that's all." Tony says once you arrive.

You walk into the house and look at the end table and grab the notepad.

"License plate." You say and Tony grabs it, looking at it confused.

"She etched it in?" He asks.

"You do what you have to do. Plus he would've saw it and I'm sure we would have found her already, just not the way we wanted." You say, doing your own investigation.

"Name." Gibbs says, grabbing a candy wrapped off the ground.

"She probably didn't think Bebe would've witnessed it all." You murmur as you knew who it was.

"What's this?" Tim asks.

You walk into the living room again and see the TV was glitching and you laugh. Soon Lexi's face was on the TV.

"Oh thank god. I knew you'd be there." She says.

"We are coming for you Lex." You say.

"The twins, are they alright?" She asks.

"Yes, they are. Are you okay?" You ask.

"A little roughed up, but you should see him." She says with a grin and you smile slightly.

"Just be careful. If he loses his temper, it will be bad. Don't antagonize. Just comply with whatever he says. I'm hurrying. Do you know where your at?" You ask.

"I kind of stole his phone and I'm using it to somehow hack into your router so that I can display this. I'm in the back of a truck. It's a semi-truck. It's been moving ever since he left. I don't know where he is taking me." She says.

"Did he say anything to you?" You ask.

"He's rambling. It's like he's having some psychosis episode." She says.

"He might've mentioned where he's bringing you though, Lexi. Think." Gibbs says.

"He said something about a desert and a cabin. He also said he was going to tattoo my date of death on me. That's what that tattoo on your thigh is, isn't it?" She asks.

"Yeah. He's taking you back to where everything happened with me. Okay. Listen to me. If I don't get there before he does the tattoo and the barrel, don't panic. Slow breaths. It will give us more time to find you." You say seriously.

"Barrel? What the hell did he do to you? And is he actually the twins' father? Were you guys dating or something?" She asks.

"He's a sociopath, Lexi. I was really hoping he'd do some ransom thing but clearly he is still just as delusional as he use to be." You say.

"Oh shit. I've got to go." She says and the video cuts out.

"I think we need to review your case." Gibbs says.

"He kidnapped me. He proceeded to SA me. Lexi is safe there. He happens to like (your hair color). She's (her hair color). However he doesn't like (her hair color). That was who we were finding in the barrels. Well, then he tattooed the day he thought I was going to die, but little did he know I had a whole team ready to bring me home. So, I wasn't in the barrel long. A few hours, but that's it." You explain.

Gibbs and you run in from the front, Tony and Ziva going in through the back with Tim following not long behind him.

"Zayn, where is she?" You ask, your gun on him.

"I want my kids. Give me my kids." He snaps.

"They aren't your kids. You'll never be a father to them. They are my kids and I'd be damned if you ever try to get near them again because if you try, I'll shoot you." You say lowly, further pressing the gun against his temple to get the point across.

"And they say I'm crazy." He laughs.

"She isn't crazy. She's a mother and a mothers love for their children is such a crazy thing because a mother would do anything for their child. She's fiercely in love with those kids and she will fiercely protect them, no matter what." Gibbs says, hooking his arm around your waist and pulling you back.

Tony arrests him and you step out of Gibbs' hold and head outside. You knew he wouldn't have put her close to the cabin. He would have gone a bit further out. But, it would be close enough to his property so he could see it. You get to the edge of the hill and look over it before something sparkles in the sun. You start hurrying down the hill as Gibbs yells for you to wait.

You kneel and grab it. It was her ring. You shove it in your pocket before digging around, pushing the sand away when you see the top of the barrel. You start to lift the lid and toss it to the side.

"Y-Y/N?" She whispers.

"Oh baby. It's okay. I'm here. I promised I would be here." You murmur as your team joins you.

Tony helps get her out of the barrel and you sit next to her. She leans her head against your chest before breaking into tears. You shush her softly, petting her hair.

"He told me what he did to you. He told me everything. Why did you lie to us? You went through all of that alone and had no help. And we were so hard on you because we thought you should've worked it out. We didn't know he did those things." She sobs.

"Lexi, shhh...I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be treated any different. Your okay and I'm okay. I didn't take anything you guys said to heart because I knew you guys didn't know." You explain softly.

"What do you think of my tattoo?" She says, trying to smile and you look at her leg.

"I think you've got one hell of a story to tell. Don't look at it and think of this. Think of it as surviving. Because you did survive something horrific." You said.

"I don't even feel scared. I never felt scared once because I knew you'd find me. I did what you said to. Slow breaths. Because I knew you'd find me. I don't even care about that tattoo. This should bother me more than it is, but it isn't." She says.

"You could be in shock." Tim says.

"No. Not in shock. Right, look at my pupils." She says.

"She's right. She isn't in shock. She use to be a nurse." You explain.

"Your a strong girl. And you know your aunt well. You knew she'd find you. You are very brave after today." Gibbs says.

"Can you walk?" You ask.

"I'm not going to lie, I think I sprained my ankle." She says.

"How did you do that?" You ask confused.

"I full on round house kicked him, but then I screwed up my footing. I sooooo could've got away if I didn't screw that up. It so reminded me of this movie. I felt like a total badass too. Then I ruined it." She says and you couldn't help, but laugh.

"Well come on. I'll carry you up." You say.

"What? You can't do that." She says.

"Piggy back ride? I think I can." You say.

After getting situated, you start up the hill with your team. You had Tony and Gibbs on either side of you, in case you lose your footing. Lexi was babbling on with Tim about some game.

You move off of Gibbs, laying your head on his bare chest as you move the sheets up to cover your bare body.

There was a comfortable silence between the two of you. It has been a little of six months since it had became official between you both. He stayed over at your house almost every day. You had been over to his house a few times, but you didn't like being away from the twins for long.

He noticed that and quickly made sure to make it your house that you guys went to most of the time. He found himself thinking about how you use to be so eager to get home and frustrated when you couldn't leave yet because of a case and yet, now he knew why you were so eager to get home. You had two wonderful kids that you adored fiercely and he found himself loving them just as you do.

"Okay, I've realized something." He murmurs.

"And what is that?" You ask softly, tracing random patterns on his chest.

"I'm so in love with you and I think it's time you become Mrs. Gibbs number five. Okay, you may end up Mrs. Gibbs number five, however I want you to be the last Mrs. Gibbs." He says.

"Wait...are you...purposing?" You ask, sitting up on your elbow to look at him.

"Not yet...I want to purpose the way you deserve it. But, what do you think?" He asks.

"I...I've honestly been wondering when your going to ask the damn question." You admit as you laugh softly and he joins you.

"Soon." He promises.

"I know you ain't crazy about the whole idea of getting married in front of people unless it's a judge, but if this is gonna be the only time I get married, I want the whole experience." You say and he chuckles.

"Then we better give you the experience because this is the only time you'll be getting married." He says and you laugh.

"Mrs. Y/N Gibbs...I like the sound of that." You murmur.

"Hm...me too. What about Adeline Gibbs and Alexander Gibbs?" He suggests and you cover your mouth as your eyes water.

"Y-You'd really want that?" You ask softly.

"Of course. I love them like they are my own. They are my kids." He says, his own eyes watering and you grin.

"I'd love that. And what about Luna Shannon Gibbs and Leroy Jethro-Arlo Gibbs?" You ask and he shoots up, looking down at you confused.

"Why are you trying to change the twins' names?" He asks.

"Well...actually. I'm not." You say softly.

It was quiet as he looked down at you with a confused look. You waited, smiling softly as you knew he was about to figure it out.

"Your pregnant...with twins?" He asks.

"Mhm." You hum.

"Wow...this is...amazing. For Luna...can we do Luna-Kate Shannon Gibbs?" He asks.

"Of course. I love that. Kate would be honored." You murmur.

"I miss her still. It's been almost what three or four years and I still miss her." He admits.

"I miss her too, Jethro. She was a good women, but she died doing what she loved most. She'll forever be remembered." You murmur, sitting up with the blankets wrapped tightly around your front.

He smiles, nodding in agreement.

"Mommy! Mommy! It's time to get up! It's our first day of school!" Adeline exclaims.

"Can we just keep them home forever?" You ask and he chuckles as he gets up to get dressed.

"No, we can't. Come on. You go shower real quick and I'll start breakfast. Then we will switch so that you finish it and I shower. Hopefully, we can all eat together and then we will take them to school and we will go work." He says.

You nod, sighing as you stand. You left the blankets on the bed and you look over at him to see his eyes on the tattoo from the unsub. You frown, covering it with your hand as you hurry to the bathroom and close the door. You heard him sigh and curse, but you needed a moment.

You were kind of sad that it was the twins' first day. You made sure to get plenty of pictures and now it was silent between Jethro and you on your guys' way to work.

"Baby?" He says.

"Hm?" You hum.

You were a little surprised he called you that. He typically only does when he's deep in thought or scared shitless. So, you clue it that he was deep in thought.

"I didn't mean to make you upset this morning." He admits.

"I wasn't upset." You say.

"You covered it and ran off to the bathroom like a dog with its tail between its legs." He deadpans.

"I wasn't upset though. I just...I wouldn't even say self-conscious. However, I know when you look at it, your putting every piece of what happened to me, together. You know what that date means. Anyone else will look at it and assume it's for someone or it's some joke. But, it's the day I was supposed to die. Plus, it kind of springs up memories on me. I need to get it removed, but I don't for the time for it and I don't want to be asked about it either." You admit.

"Baby, when I look at that...it just makes me realize what you've been through and how strong you are. You are a fighter and I love how strong and how brave and how fierce you are." He say and you smile slightly.

"I love you." You murmur.

"I love you too, hon." He says, grabbing your hand.

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canonicallyobserving911 · 1 month

Text

Firehouse 118: Three Assignments, A Transfer and A Recruit

After rewatching the "Chimney Begins", "Hen Begins" and "Bobby Begins Again" episodes, I noticed how Chimney, Hen and Buck were all assigned to the 118 while Bobby was transferred in and Eddie was recruited by Bobby to work there.

All five of their stories of becoming LAFD firefighters are important and unique and it doesn’t matter if they were assigned, transferred or recruited because they're all essential and needed for the team to work seamlessly the way that it does. Also, they’re all exceptional at what they do and their contributions to the team are extraordinary.

Captain Robert "Bobby" Wade Nash

Bobby’s a great captain and he has a great team. He transferred to the 118 after he asked his chief to send him somewhere following his completion of 6 months of AA while he was in Minnesota. Sal DeLuca was bad mouthing him to the team and none of them knew Bobby was already there sitting inside of the firetruck listening to them place their bets on how long he'd be at the station.

In 7x2, after Norman was shot and they carried him to the casino so he could be assisted by the cruise ship doctor (who only had sea sick pills 🙄 and got woozy at the sight of blood), Athena asked Bobby what he needed and he replied, “My team!”, then the camera cut to the 118 responding to the car accident with the drunk driver.

Firefighter/Paramedic Howard "Chimney" Han

Chimney’s been at the 118 longer than anyone on Bobby's team, in fact he was there before Bobby was transferred. He’s the heart of the place and Buck said so in 5x5 after he left to find Maddie. His absence for the majority of the season was noticeable and it was great when he returned during 5B. Being a paramedic comes naturally to him, he loves what he does and it shows. Reminder, he saved Tommy from a gas explosion during one of Chimney's flashbacks in 2x12. Also, he wants to help anyone he can even that guy who was being belligerent with him in 7x2 after he caused that accident.

Firefighter/Paramedic Henrietta "Hen" Wilson

Hen is a great leader; she has the temperament and the know how to handle difficult situations. Reminder, she’s the one who always speaks up for Buck whenever the rest of the team or Bobby need to be reminded about the way he doesn’t have anything outside of firefighting like she did in 3x1 and 3x6. Additionally, she was in medical school for three years until she decided in 6x6 that her dream was to remain a paramedic.

OAN: In 7x2, Hen was interim captain and the 118 was working together and handling the scene of an accident with a drunk driver but the driver died after refusing treatment and it was followed by an investigation. She was told by the chief to “Go home firefighter” and it pissed me off because she GRADUATED from the academy as a firefighter/paramedic so for him to be dismissive and call her a firefighter instead of a paramedic, which she earned, was not ok.

Chimney and Hen are partners and they ride or die for each other but reminder, Chimney didn’t become a paramedic until after he had a conversation with Eli. That doesn’t make one better than the other, it’s just an observation to illustrate how rude the chief was. Where’s Chief Miranda Williams when she’s needed because it appears this new chief doesn’t listen?

Firefighter/EMT Evan "Buck" Buckley

Buck goes harder than anyone else when it comes to firefighting and Bobby said so himself in 6x1 after Buck tried to impress him so he would consider him to be the interim captain. He thinks outside of the box like he did in 3x13 at the bowling alley and he knows the job like the back of his hand. His personal life aside, he loves being a firefighter and after he stopped being reckless and stealing firetrucks to have sex in them and Bobby fired him, he got his act together.

Firefighter/EMT Edmundo "Eddie" Diaz

Eddie wasn't assigned to the 118 and he didn't transfer in because he was recruited by Bobby. I’ve always known Bobby convinced him to join his firehouse instead of him going to station 6 but IIRC, Eddie was the first person Bobby hired instead of him being assigned or transferred. He graduated at the top of his academy class and he already had experience because he was an Army medic and he did multiple tours in Afghanistan. One thing to note is of all their introductions to the 118, Eddie’s was on another level and it was evident since he had his own theme song, “Whatta Man” by Salt -N- Pepa. Additionally, Eddie was NEVER treated like a “probie” and IIRC he was never hazed but that could be because Bobby runs his firehouse differently than Gerard did. Finally, Eddie was already in the firehouse when the camera panned to him instead of him walking in like Chimney, Hen and Buck did. Bobby was the only other person on the team who was already there when he was introduced.

Buck and Eddie are partners and they work seamlessly together the same way Hen and Chimney do but there's a difference between the two partnerships (related post linked here). Hen and Chimney are best friends but Buck and Eddie have built a family together with their Eddie's son, Chris that's outside of their found family.

The point of this post is to highlight how great Bobby’s team is and how they all need each other along with the way the 118 wouldn’t be what it is without all five of them.

#911 on abc #911 abc #118 firefam #bobby nash #chimney han #hen wilson #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 season 7 #911 season 7 speculation #911 meta #911 spoilers #chimney x hen #buddie

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starberry-cupcake · 28 days

Text

I have made up from last time that was about only one chapter, this time we have 5 in a row. We finished act one, fam!

previously, in harrowbean the ninth:

this happened

I want to also thank you for all your nice comments and replies, I read every single one, I promise ♥

ch. 7 to 11 summarized terribly, here we go:

it's time to cross the river

difficult task to perform

as someone who lives literally surrounded by rivers, in every direction, I can relate

my rivers don't carry ghouls though, as far as I know

I mean, there are ghost and cryptid legends, but not ghouls that stick to the windshield of a spaceship like bugs

like these ones do

so harrow and yandere twin aren't doing fantastic

yandere twin loses it in like the first 2 seconds

harrow sees the ghosts of all the ninth kids who died for her to be alive

there's water also, but that part sounds very relaxing, actually

getting covered by water but not needing to breath

I'd be there forever tbh

but we can't, because ghoulies

mercygirl is still doing sound effects like kronk

btw we're changing her name to mercygirl because it's what I've been calling her now

I have been told by a number of you that mercygirl is your camilla so I apologize for disrespecting your blorbina

I might do it again, if the situation arises, though

mercygirl is piloting the ship and emperor the fool is just chillin' until he realizes harrow is walking about and doing theorems, which they didn't think she'd be in a state to do, so they didn't tell her not to do it

these people half-assing plans, who would have thought

mercygirl calls the emperor john

emperor johnnyboy tries telling harrow to come back from her state because she's in too deep and it's becoming dangerous

mercygirl stars talking about the death of cassiopeia (another name that's easy to remember)

says cassiopeia had a ceramics collection, which makes her worthy of all my respect

harrow was thinking "five", idk what it's about

next thing we know, we're back to our gideonless retelling of gideon

in this version, teacher explains things

he says the house was inhabited previously by "ten normal human beings of the Resurrection, though half were blessed already with necromantic gifts"

I'm tired of MATH

he says they left blueprints, he tells them about the Sleeper, he tells them how not to awaken it, he tells them about the trap door, he tells them what's under the trap door, he asks them to work together...

you know what this is like

it's like reading gideon was entering a new game and skipping every tutorial they give you

and reading this is like clicking every NPC's info and reading all that they say

ANYWAY, here is where ortus 1...

wait, this is going to be confusing

I want to call ortus from the ninth "ortus 1" and the new guy "ortus 2"

because ninth ortus was the first to show up

but new ortus is actually older and also is ortus the first

we're gonna go with ortus and lyctor!ortus, for now

so, as I was saying, this is were ortus starts becoming much more insistent in these "flashbacks" about him not being the right choice

which, he's not wrong

we know he's not wrong

and harrow is saying stuff like "unless you can summon matthias nonius" (matthias nonius is becoming a recurrent thing, let's remember harrow compared gideon to him at one point)

and ortus goes "I don't understand why you chose me" to which harrow says "there was nobody else" and ortus exasperatedly says "you never did posses an imagination"

VERY IMPORTANT THING

a skeleton turns around when they're walking and says "is this how it happens?"

we'll come back to that shortly

REMEMBER IT

(I know you all remember it, you've read this already, just act like I'm dora the explorer and play along)

next chapter starts in not!dulcinea's funeral

I'm sad I used the oliver queen grave meme already, I can't use it again to express my feelings

I'm gonna use the steel magnolias scene where they laugh at the funeral instead

so, we are introduced to the famous augustine who's name I will remember

there's some conversation about first and second generations and about not!dulcinea being chosen, and Emperor Johnny Bravo says "we were all there to meet her, all sixteen of us"

MORE MATH

I guess she was the last one of these, but maybe we knew that already, I feel we knew that already

apparently, not!dulcinea was the most reluctant to slurp her cavalier, but that didn't stop any of them, not even her, so

Emperor Johnny Quest says "for god's sake" and harrow thinks "the god who became a man and yet still invoked himself, apparently"

when she's right, she's right

that's better commentary than I could make

I have to respect augustine a little bit because he asked "which one of the kiddies did her in?" and I thought that was hilarious

he is called the saint of patience, which makes my previous comment about them being named via sarcasm very correct

it's like captain planet or the power rangers but chosen as funnily as possible

they start summoning lyctor!ortus by saying that he's interested in "you-know-what", which is both suspicious and childish and the vibes of these lyctors are all over the place

augustine thinks something's wrong, which is an understatement at this point, but ok

lyctor!ortus comes in as if summoned by the gossip and harrow calls him "the next terrible part of your life" which is saying something

lyctor!ortus comes with news of the seventh beast or whatnot that's trailing them

harrow bleeds from her ears and smashes her head on the next available surface to pass out

the mood

who could blame her

this lyctor job is terrible

it's like the end of drop dead gorgeous and harrow is kristen dunst

I'm not explaining that, in case you haven't watched a classic

we are back to the "flashbacks" and we've got a special appearance from the fifth

*studio audience claps and cheers*

they say they prefer to look into books than going downstairs, which is something one would consider if one had known what the fuck was downstairs from the start

abigail also does sound effects like mercygirl, it's catching on

abigail finds a piece of a recipe note that mentions an M and a Nigella

still no G&P

we know nigella is the cav of cassiopeia, the ceramics collector

I remember nigella's name because of the cook, which makes it funnier that it's a recipe

M could be mercygirl

abigail also gives harrow a note

abigail says that she'd like to summon the ghost of a lyctor but she's not sure how that could work or where they go when they die

ortus, magnus and abigail, in this gideonless version, are a polycule

I am convinced of that

while they're talking, magnus says "is this really how it happens?"

REMEMBER I SAID WE'D BRING THAT BACK

IT'S BACK

abigail starts telling harrow that she's got the energy of a lot of dead kids in her and harrow storms out

harrow gets angry when ortus calmly agrees about things and she doesn't want to look into why

I WONDER WHY THAT IS

harrow looks at abby's note again and now there's text on it

it's a longer version of the note she found before

it's a rant

it mentions dead eggs, implantation, some guy being sent after the OP, said guy taking pity on OP

OP is mad about all of this and doesn't use punctuation

what ortus reads isn't what harrow reads, once again

NOW THIS BIT

"ortus, I need a cavalier with a backbone" "You always did and I am glad, I think, that I never became that cavalier"

the gideon points keep adding up

harrow then goes to sleep and is like this

final thing in act I, in chapter 11, is harrowbean stabbing not!dulcinea again, which

always make sure, it's like resident evil in here

just in case, let's stab her a bunch of times

so, are these "flashbacks" happening in real time whenever harrow isn't conscious?

is it her trying to remember what actually happened?

or is it her trying to hide it?

was there actually a longer period of time between the defeat of not!dulcinea and the emperor Jon Arbuckle coming to pick them up?

a period of time in which harrow learned things that made her write those letters?

and in which something happened regarding gideon?

is the note of the implantation also related?

why was gideon born in space?

of course I'm not asking you, please don't spoil anything, I'm just asking the void of desperation and chaos right now

we'll see if any of this gets answered soon or if I just get more questions

also, guess who wasn't mentioned

see you on the next one!! I'll try to get back to the awesome replies I've been getting soon ♥

#luly reacts to tlt #harrow the ninth #harrow the ninth spoilers #tlt spoilers #the locked tomb #long post #gif cw

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millerscoffee · 9 months

Text

soft spot for trouble | part two | hbf!javi

my celluloid scenes are torn at the seams.

6.8k | javier peña x f!reader

part one | masterlist

rating: 18+ MDNI

warnings: husband's best friend, infidelity, hangover, confiding in ur bff, a lot of tears - like a lot, guilt, shame, nauseating truths, phone sex, mutual masturbation, lots of dirty talk, edging for a second, hints of subspace and papí!javi, pet names & degrading names (slut, bebita, cariño), javi would do anything to have reader and kind of says it tbh. no use of y/n.

summary: after waking up in javi– peña's house, guilt rushes you. after discovering another truth about your husband, you wonder if your marriage is salvageable.

A/N: just wanted to say thank you for all of your support and encouragement. i really appreciate the response part one received, and hope to continue loving these two as much as i do. enjoy! ♡

When you wake up, your mouth is a desert. Cigarettes, whiskey, and the faint taste of someone who wasn’t your husband coats your tongue. Head pounding, there are parts of your body you didn’t realise could even get dry. Your eyes aren’t open yet, as if you need the world to calibrate with you before you adjust to it, and when you do – you know where you are immediately.

Guilt hits you like a thousand stones to your chest.

“Fuck,” you sit up all to fast, it dizzies you, only adding to your heart palpitations. “Fuck,” you choke a sob. Fearful, panicked. What the fuck have you done?

Javi– Peña wasn’t in his bed. You weren’t sure where he was, and you didn’t want to find out. Not a single part of you could bring yourself to look at him. The two of you held a secret that shouldn’t have seen the light of day– or, the light of neon. You get flashbacks of the bar, of his hands on you. It’s all too much, rebelling up your throat as your eyes dart around in a dire need for the bathroom.

You make your way out of bed enough to hit your knees in front of the toilet bowl, the rest of your regret becoming a tangible entity residing with you in Javier's bathroom. Couldn’t get any worse. At least that’s what you think, until you come to the sinking realisation that Julian doesn’t know where you are. You place your forehead over your forearm and cry into the toilet: vomit, snot, and tears taking over your face. The prettiest sight. A hangover’s dream.

You give yourself time to be here. You knew if your husband would wait on you this long, he’d continue to be patient until you got yourself together. This truth makes your howling worse, shaking from how royally messed up your life has become within a matter of hours. It takes about five more minutes for you to regulate your nervous system enough to stand up, but everything equally feels like it’s spinning and that makes things difficult.

You groan on your way upright, letting out a heavy sigh before rising to your feet and flushing. You wash your mouth out, wash your face, try to cleanse yourself from the night before. You redirect any thought that may suggest otherwise. It wasn’t meant to happen, and Javier would know that soon.

It doesn’t take you too much longer to feel suitable in exiting the bathroom when you realise just how naked you are – completely, even. And he was right, you had a limp you couldn’t ignore. That truth, you couldn’t help but bite a grin back at. He was everywhere if you focused: you could still feel him inside you, your hips sore all the way to the apex of your thighs and down. He was everywhere. God, you were fucked up for finding it sexy.

A shirt you never really saw him in was on the bed… did he leave that for you? You slip the larger t-shirt over your frame and ignore the way it smelled innately like Javi. Peña, you remind yourself.

After the worn fabric touches your skin, you’re brave enough to tiptoe out into his living room. Your eyes scan the kitchen where he ate you out. Where he made you squirt. It all looks cleaned now, as if nothing happened. A part of you hopes it’s true, and it fights with the other side of you begging for a round two. All of the quiet giving signs of one truth: Javier is not at home. No note, no instructions if you should lock up. Just gone.

Maybe it was better that way. Loneliness didn’t creep around you in the way it would if Julian did this to you. It didn’t cause any disruption in your day, or alter it dramatically. If anything, you felt relieved you didn’t have to talk to him. To excavate an already awkward and dead situation. You took what you wanted, that was all.

You decide to utilise his shower, going back to the hellscape that was where you threw up and undressed again. You turn the dials to a steamy, hot shower – he wouldn’t mind right? You’d send him a bill. When it’s time, the water feels like a blessing as your sinuses open. Your head, less bogged down, yet a cloud of shame resides in the shower with you. You were careful not to use his products, not to smell like him if you could help it and definitely remove the scent of cigarettes from your skin… if it were possible. Regardless, you stay in the shower a little longer before it’s time to remove yourself.

Being in Peña’s space when he wasn’t here was nice. Although, it looks new… because it was. Furniture littering the living room when you’re dried and dressed. He was back from Colombia, and that’s really as much as he was willing to share. He didn’t know for how long, and it was tinged with rushed embarrassment about the issue.

But, most of his work was like that, from what you could tell. A lot of secrecy, inability to talk about his work out in the open.

He knew how to keep a secret.

No, don’t go there.

The skirt’s zipper is popped open from last night and when you try to pull it up, you resign to tie your jacket around the fabric. It’s not long before you’re out.

That was that.

But you can’t go home. You lean back against Peña’s front door when the palpitations come back in full force, as if the fresh air held truths about what you did than you could even comprehend. Fucked, you’re fucked.

Your hair is wet, you’re kind of cold even though the Texan heat surrounds you. You feel lost and scared and disgusting. And as if your mind maps your route for you, you walk to Gabbie’s instead of your own house. Knuckles graze over the door, you don’t even really know what time it is, but there’s a possibility she’s at work unle– “...Are you okay?” Gabbie looks concerned when she opens the door to find you on the other side: hungover, mascara still seemingly down your face even after the shower, your clothes reeking. She sees you for who you are, unable to stop the floodgates from lifting. Your face screws up in a weep you can’t stop, and she ushers you inside – looking behind her before closing the door.

“I… I…,” you hiccup, burying your face in your best friend’s shoulder, you feel it when she lets you give in to her. A worry comes over you, would she still support you like this after she finds out the truth? After she finds out who you really are? Repulsion grips your throat again, unable to form it. But Gabbie is tolerant, you always appreciated it about her. You needed the space to think, and she was always good at giving that to you. Something Julian was more impatient about, but it wasn’t the time to point out his shortcomings. God, your head hurt.

“C’mon, let’s get you some tea,” she whispers, curling her nose at the scent of smoke on the fabric, “and some new clothes.” You sniffle and nod, following her into the kitchen while she goes to grab some comfortable clothes for you to replace.

“What happened, honey?”

With your arms curled at the kitchen counter, you rest your head in them, “I fucked everything up.” It feels like you did, feels like you couldn’t undo this if you tried – if you even wanted to. Your voice sounds meek, whiny, you can’t believe it’s you who’s saying the words. You could and wanted to be better than you were.

“What do you mean?” Gabbie pulls a couple of cups from the cupboard before turning on the kettle, your mind not registering the irony of having hot tea for where you are in the world, but her air conditioning made the experience understandable. Really, any thought to take you out of your narrative aided in not completely fainting from the inertia of reality that stuck to the pit of your stomach.

“Julian and I,” you start. An attempt. A purchase. Something to make it less bad than how you felt, anything to take the sting away. “We-we had this big fight last night, and I-I went down to the bar and I ran into someone and…,” tears soak your face again, you choke on the sobs before you can get anything else out. You couldn’t utter it, the guilt weaves a vice grip around your voice. You couldn’t tell her it was Peña, and you couldn’t tell her you fucked anyone else but your husband. Those two truths pinned your eyes down, disabling you to look up from the granite tops.

You weren’t looking for sympathy, and Gabbie knew that. But fuck, when you look up, pity is coating her face. She mutters your name when she walks around the side and grips you in a hug. “You love him, honey. You made a mistake. What matters now is making it right.”

You’re not sure what hurt worse, the prospect of making it right or the fact that when Gabbie calls what you had with Peña a mistake, it twists a knife inside you – one you weren’t sure you could take out now.

You pull away when the kettle begins to sing and you’re able to snort a laugh at her curled nose. The scent of cigarettes, equally from Javi– Peña and the bar, circulates you. “Seriously. You need a shower.” “And those clothes, could I borrow some?”

After finishing your cup – and having a long talk, you utilise your friends shower and slip on a fresh pair of clothes – and you’re grateful for the guest bathroom stocked with unused toothbrushes. You look more presentable, and feel a little better. Albeit, feeling more indebted than before you came through the threshold of her place. “Listen, I can’t and won’t tell you to hold this secret for me. It’s too much to bear, you shouldn’t be responsible for holding this.” Your hand brushes over your face, but she’s quick to interject.

“You’re my friend. My best friend. You don’t owe me anything. I’m not going to leave you or rat you out. I don’t judge you. Just make this right, okay? I hate to see you like this.”

She’s a good friend. Makes you wonder if Julian is a friend like this to Peña. Fuck, it never ends.

You don’t know what you did to deserve Gabbie, but you hug her anyway. Your clothes in your bag, you’re on your way. You thank her, you kiss her cheek, and you look intently into her eyes before leaving.

You had to make this right.

Julian, I had an affair, you think. That’s how you’ll tell him. No. Listen, Julian – last night I got drunk. God, no. It was all wrong.

You had to tell him, but one thing was for certain: you weren’t going to say who. You just couldn’t bring yourself to split up their friendship, no matter how mutually involved Javier was. And you couldn’t bear the thought of Julian’s borderline smug expression at how correct he was in assuming the worst of you.

How he did one thing wrong and you made a dumpster fire of it.

The pounding in your head was more from tension and stress by the time you made it to your front door.

And nervous couldn’t even begin to describe how you felt. Nauseous, heart pounding, sweat prickles your skin.

When you unlock the door, a new sense of silence fills the air of your home. It’s eerie, being here after doing what you did. Like your past self is slapping you in the face as soon as you close the door behind you. ‘How could you ruin this home? How could you throw away every second of time and love you poured into this relationship?’. You close your eyes, dizzy as you press the back of your head against the frame of your house – finding support, finding breath. But not finding your husband.

“Julian?” you call out, toeing your shoes off before putting your purse away; keys in the pot. Nothing. No where.

You make your way to the kitchen when you find a note.

Out with Peña. Be back soon. I miss you. – J

Fuck. Holy fucking shit. What? What?! Your mouth slacks open in shock. Followed by fear, followed by rage. Did Javier invite him out? While you were fucking asleep? You felt as though you were going to faint when you heard the phone ring. Throat dry, you cling to the edge of the tabletop before taking the phone off the hook – you shakily press the receiver to your ear. “H-hello?”

“Wow, you sound guilty,” your breath hitches and hotness washes over your skin.

“Peña, I–”

“Who’s Peña, huh? Not necessarily what you were saying last n–”

“Stop. Just stop. Where’s Julian? He left a note, said he was with you. Did you? God, I can’t even say it.”

You can hear the drag of a cigarette on the other line and it forms flashbacks you did your best to deny you enjoyed. You were so logical, so level-headed before his voice filtered through the microphone – the moment you hear the slip of nectarous syllables, you want to fold. You hated this. Pressing your forehead to the adjacent wall, the phone hangs loosely in your fist when you listen.

“I didn’t tell him anything, querida,” tears form in your eyes from your lack of control; the pet name panging you. It shouldn’t have, but goddammit. Goddammit. Your hand braces against the pillar-lengthed frame, “he’s at work now. He came by looking for you. I told him you were with me last night–”

“What the fuck, Javier.”

“People saw you leave with me last night,” your name fits in his mouth better than it should and you swallow hard, knowing he’s right. “He would have found out.”

“This has to stop, we have to stop,” you can hear it – the strain on your throat, the knife inside, that ever present hum of your doom. Your clammy palm touches your jaw as you will yourself to stand up straighter. Instantly queasy, bad idea. You sink down the wall, sitting down as the cord of the phone follows you.

“I know,” Javier whispers now, a bit pained.

“Did it hurt seeing him?” Your own voice bruised.

“Not as much as I anticipated. That hurt more, probably.”

It’s quiet for a long time. Your knees curled up to your chest, hands curled until your chin.

“I know that we have to stop,” Javi– fuck, Peña, starts, “I don’t know if I can.”

“Fuck,” you whisper, “we have to.” and it’s there. It’s right there in how you say it. How your words draw out rather than cut sharp. More beseeching than a strong boundary. An obvious sign of how you bend for him like kinetic energy’s effect on tree limbs from wind. It is all in motion, too close to stop. Your barrier is already washing away, and you cling closely to its threads. You must keep your wits about you. “We have to,” you repeat, your voice soaked in tears this time.

On the other line, Javier squeezes his eyes shut. The cigarette burns between his fingers as he presses his index and thumb where the bridge of his nose meets. And the thing with Javi, is that he doesn’t beg, but you’ve got him so wrapped up – so enthralled in what could be, maybe the chase, that he can’t see anything else. “What will it take?”

That is when you hear the doorknob turn. “I have to go,” you hush, rising to your feet and wiping your face, “can I call you later?” but he’s already hung up, so you do the same. It knocks the air out of you, but you don’t have time to dwell.

Julian turns the corner to where you are: almost hidden between the kitchen and laundry room. And if you were crying more, you’re doubled in tears now.

“Julian,” you cry, rushing to him. Your arms wrap around him and although he wraps back around you, you’re left with a sinking feeling: guilt, shame, a veracity that this touch you were feeling wasn’t half as electric as the one you felt last night. “Julian, I’m so sorry.” you snivel in his shoulder, feeling his arms wrap around you tighter. The nose against your temple doesn’t feel as strong as Javier’s, and it all stings. It feels a new sense of wrong when you pull away, and he’s thumbing under your eyes.

“No, I’m sorry,” his voice is soft, beckoning you to be close, and you want to – you really want to.

But you don’t know if you can.

That rush of why this shatter exists in the first place comes in waves as it crashes into your skin – leaving a film of betrayal over every cell. Because it wasn’t just his lying that led you to the bar last night, it was the repetitious behaviour. Julian’s demanding a different treatment than what he gave. Your arms slip from him and hang by your sides, giving yourself some space.

“I guess you know where I was last night,” you bite the corner of your lip, leaning against the wall for some stability, arms crossed.

“Yeah, I went to see Peña. Was worried sick about you, you know. You couldn’t have called?” you suppose you deserved that. You nod swiftly, “I should have, I’m really sorry. I just, I needed to clear my head.”

“Well, since you stayed at his place, I hope you realise how silly this all is. How miniscule it all is. Just because I slept with Veronica–”

“Excuse me?” your eyes widen, “Veronica… Veronica… The same Veronica who you told me not to worry about?” you remember the party – a holiday party with Julian’s coworkers, one of which, Veronica. Red lipstick is easy to trace: cups, forks, your husband’s cheek.

He promised it was nothing, promised it was only a friendly kiss under the mistletoe and now, a year later, you’re in your kitchen being told that only was it something, it was something that went on for years. “How fucking long have you known her, Julian?”

When your eyes cut to him, he looks frozen. Like he didn’t mean for it to come out, and now he has unraveled such a can of worms he doesn’t know where to begin, but you sure do. He doesn’t deserve to waste another second of your time today. You felt so guilty, so wrong for every second of your day only to be lied to for who knows how long. Your mind reels at the possibilities. The double-dealing.

“I-I can’t have you in this house. I need you out. I need you out, get out. Pack a fucking bag, I need space.”

You had no room to talk, you knew that, but after a whole day of worrying yourself to the bone, and this was how it really was? The details he neglected to inform you for how long? You brush past him before he can respond, and it hurts more that he doesn’t put up a fight. Packs a bag, tells you he’s going to stay with Javier, and leaves within fifteen minutes. Your knees buckle the second the door closes behind him, heavy wails rattling your ribcage.

---

You’re not sure your face has ever been so puffy. You pour a glass of water, and you just barely remember to eat, but you do. You don’t open the blinds, though. At least you’re trying. Keeping the house dark, it’s surprising when you don’t reach for alcohol or something to numb this, but a part of you wonders if he’ll call.

And you don’t mean Julian.

The sun sets, leaving inky blue in the sky when you get ready for bed. It’s been such a long day that you couldn’t imagine staying up for a second longer. After a long bath, you change into your silk pyjamas. You’re not sure you’ve taken so many showers or baths in one day, either. That makes the stranger of an amused grin grace your features. You were washing away every memory you could from today.

Getting under the blankets, you look over to Julian’s side of the bed. How empty it was, how you missed him. You couldn’t help it. The two of you built a life together, but one that you were coming to understand was built on more lies than one and god, you just couldn’t cry about it any more tonight.

But it was lonely like this.

You wondered what the two of them were doing. If Peña– fuck it– Javi was listening to him, if Julian was lying to him. Thoughts flooded you so much the sound of the phone on your nightstand is background noise until you realise it. A gasp flutters your lungs, turning your head to it. Shit.

Picking up the phone, you place it to your ear, but you don’t say anything immediately. A nauseating twelve seconds.

“Cariño?” your breath hitches when you hear him. Sinking further down in the bed, your legs brush against the sheets and your eyes slip shut. It’s a relief where earlier in the day it was a curse.

“Javi–,” you start, tears pricking your eyes, and he’s already catching you.

“I know, baby, I know.”

And you want so bitterly to scream I’m not your baby, you don’t want anyone near you in this way after the day you had – after the deception that coated your marriage from both you and your husband lies in wait for you both to get back to. But you don’t tell him that, you don’t contest.

Instead you sniff softly and wipe your eyes. You focus on your inhales, you settle yourself down.

You are there for yourself more than anyone else could ever be.

“Is he there?” a part of you worries Javi won’t like what you asked, that he will feel slighted, but you’re relieved when he answers you without a passing judgment.

“He is, I think he’s asleep now. I’m not sure what you told him, but he was a mess. He, uh, called you crazy, though…,”

“He what?” your jaw tightens, clenching the sheets with your free hand, “He’s the fucking crazy one–”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Javi’s voice hushes you in his smooth, but matter-of-fact way, and you close your mouth. “I know. I was there, remember? We all went to college together.”

“Who was the other woman? Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I’m not sure, I think she was from out of town. And I didn’t know that you didn’t know, remember? What happened?” So you explain. Tell Javi all about the way Julian assured you not to worry about her at the company party, or any time thereafter. Peña curses under his breath, “What a fucking idiot, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah,” your jaw ticks, tempting to pull your tears back in. No more tonight.

“Seriously. You don’t deserve this. You deserve… someone who’s honest with you. For better or for worse.”

For better, for worse. You weren’t sure if Javi did that intentionally, but the vow makes you feel sick now on what was a beautiful wedding day. It’s simultaneous, the remembering of it. But you shove it down, deep. You want to forget.

So you sigh. Occiput at the headboard, and you close your eyes – just wanting some peace. A distraction, maybe? It was just so present, and it burned as strong as your desire for Javier that couldn’t be contained for a second longer. Especially not now with yet another thing on your plate pulled you away from who you thought was the love of your life.

“Where are you?” you ask, and you think it’s unassuming enough, but the slight exhale of laughter from the other end calls you out, “I’m in bed. I assume you’re the same?”

“Shocked you wouldn’t be out all night.”

“You know, I wanted to go to this girl’s place tonight, but she’s kinda going through a lot right now. Seemed a little too much,” he’s hushed now and the transition of his voice stirs your middle. It shouldn’t, but it does.

Worse, it makes you smile.

“She sounds like a bore,” you swipe a thumb over your grin, but there was some truth to that. Despite the adventurous couple days, you didn’t necessarily feel like you were an exciting person. You had a 9-5 (lucky to be off today), you had a husband. You did your activities, and you came home. This was the most excitement you’ve experienced in, well, maybe since you met Julian. There were areas you were passionate about that either got abandoned due to it not meshing with his schedule, or him not approving of it.

Was he ever good for you?

“She sounds like she needs to relax.”

“What are you suggesting?” you respond. The tension cuts like a knife even through the phone, and you can hear his own smile form. If you close your eyes, you can see it.

“It’s cute when you play dumb.”

“What? Phone sex?” you question as if your words are twisting a lock of your hair, ripe for the picking.

“Is that what this is?” Javi questions, giving you the same fake-innocence that’s being thrown at him.

“Is that what you want?”

There’s a pause, contemplative and feverish. The sound of fabric plays in the background until ultimately stillness.

“You would get off while your husband is in my apartment across the hall?” Javi’s quiet, but his words cause your legs to spread, a bitten noise in the back of your throat greets you on this hellish day on earth. “Mierda. You’re so dirty, you know that? Willing to do anything for me.”

“I’m not sure I should do anything you tell me,” you start with a flash of amusement, you’re unable to think about anything but the slick gathering between your legs, “but I want to.”

“You need it, bebita? You need me to take care of you? Because I can, but only if you tell me.”

You bite your bottom lip, slipping your head over your pillow as you get comfortable in the dark.

“Take care of me, Javi. Make me feel good.”

And it was working already, your other hand skates over your abdomen as a shiver sends through you.

“Do you think it’s that easy?” a growl behind his voice, you gasp quietly at the sound. “Beg me.”

“God, after today? Seriously, Javi?”

“Beg.”

And there’s something about the way he barks an order that makes your hole clench around nothing. Like last night when he pulled back because you weren’t giving him what he wanted right away. Makes you want to do as he says, and you can’t explain why.

“Javi,” clouded in arousal, your legs squeeze together to feel friction – 180° turn around from your protests, “I need you, I want to cum for you. Want to know how good you make me feel. Please, Javi.”

You hear Javi’s jeans unzip. Jeans in bed, the mad man.

“We’re going slow, bebita. Understand? Go ahead, slip your hand down. You'll do as I say, sí?”

Instinctively, your free hand slips down, gasping at the pool of wetness there. More than what you thought, something comes over you. The heat of pleasure washes over any other thought.

“Yes – yes, Javier. I’ll do as you say. Tell me what to do, Javi – fuck – please! Tell me how to get myself off,” your tongue darts out of your lips, brain swimming as the swell of your sex pulses in crashing undulations demanding to be touched.

And Javi fucking loves that. The desperation in your voice, wrecked with desire, and you’re so sober compared to last night. All of this is true. Your eagerness drives him to his own cliff, abandoning any remorse he has for his friend. The focus shifts on you and Javi alone.

“Take your index finger and ring finger. Are you paying attention?” you hum, focusing on those two fingers. “Yes or no, hermosa? Use your words.”

And you waste no time in humming again, spreading your wetness across your folds from the shift of your thighs. “Yes, I’m paying attention,” orbs already glossy, the lost sound of you is initiative for Javi.

“Spread your lips apart with them and lightly — I mean it, cariño,” he warns briefly, “lightly press your middle finger against your clit.”

So you do as you’re told. Your fingers are natural as they spread your lips, and you let out a heady sigh when your middle finger grazes over your clit. “S’sensitive,” you slur, biting a sob as your head rocks to the side against the plushness of pillow. “Javi…,”

“You feel that, babygirl? That's good. Keep my cunt pried open. Roll your middle finger against your clit, harder this time. That clit your husband neglects, but I found day one. Bounce the pad of your finger against it, up and down just like that. Good girl. I bet you look like a dream, princesa. Wish I could taste you…,” he trails off and you can hear the faint sound of his skin. You imagine him hard while he talks to you, the cherry of his head beading with precum as he smears it down the shaft. It sends you to whine, bouncing the pad of your middle finger – up and down, just like he instructs. You’re being so good for him, and you know it. Following what he says, word for word. Your folds feel so soft like this, you wonder if he’s telling you to touch yourself this way to absorb just how good you feel.

“Jav– I,” you swallow, the sparkle of pleasure hitting you with each pass, you need more. Need a depth to take you under more than the shallowness of this teasing. “Please,” you whisper, and you’re not sure you could elaborate. You’re so gone. It doesn’t land on you, the trust you’re placing in him and how willing he is to hold it. But it is there without putting words to it. And Javi? He is fully aware of the space you’re taking yourself to. Just for him.

“Yeah? Is that not enough? But you’re such a depraved slut I bet you could get off just by doing that, I know you could. I'll be kind, you’re welcome,” god he’s so cocky, and it’s still so sexy – how can he manage it? “Press your clit between your index and middle finger. Are you doing it?”

“Mmn’doing it,” you manage, eyes slipping shut – even in the dark, you can only focus on the way his words spill – viscous and sweet – into the telephone. “Oh, you like being called that, yeah? Are you my slut?” “Javi, Javi,” you whimper, pressure at your clit between your fingers you know you’re soaked now, “M’your slut! Fuck!” you’re panting, sweat forming at the nape of your neck.

“Good girl, princesa. Squeeze your clit – un poco, just a little. Can you do that for papí?” and fuck, you haven’t heard him say that, either. Two firsts in one phone call. Your body is in overdrive, you can feel wetness slip from your hole over the crease of your ass, against your thighs, “Flick your clit between those two fingers. Back and forth. Do it now. God, listen to you. Dirty girl wants to cum with her husband snoring in the other room. Bet that’s the first time you’ve cum in your bed in a long time.”

And you’re pathetic, whimpering like crazy as you flick your fingers back and forth around your clit. You can feel the swell, how hard the nub of nerves feels – shocks of electricity run through you, you’re so close like this. The fast motions taking you until–

“Hands off — now.” you gasp, panting against the ledge, not so silently begging for your release.

“I want to hear her. Middle finger. Don’t go all the way in.”

So you do as you’re told, your throat dry and rough. You lean the receiver to your sopping cunt so he can hear the tapping of your hole that’s so soaked it almost hurts. When you bring your phone back to your ear, you tighten it between your ear and shoulder and Javi is busy singing praises to her before he realises you’re back. He sounds different. Possessive. Just like you wanted him to be last night.

“That fucking cunt. That’s mine. That's for me. Julian called you crazy, but he ate dinner exactly where I made you cream on my fucking kitchen counter last night. He won’t say shit about you and get away with it.” He sounds hushed, but rough like this. Like you can hear him snarl those words at the base of your ear while he takes you from behind. Your heart picks up at the imagery he’s given you. The symbolism of his protection of you, and you let the flames take you.

There is no going back.

“Touch yourself. Two fingers in your cunt, roll that gorgeous clit. Perfect, messy pussy,” and you can hear it now— the slapping of his skin more intentional than before.

Your two fingers tease your hole, groaning without holding back from the touch and how wet you feel. And he was right, you were so… messy. It spreads over your outer labia, your thighs, up to your clit. All from the sound of his voice, all from his claim over you – how protected you felt. Desired. You bite your lip as you work your fingers inside, rolling your sensitive clit in lazy strokes – doing your best to keep the phone close. Moans drip easily from your wanton mouth.

“Tell me what you’re doing,” you mewl, head spinning from the way his hand is around your throat without even being there to touch you.

“Fuck. Got my fist around my cock, right at the base before bringing it up. Stroking at my head. You have it twitching, bebita. You make me so fucking hard. You’d love it. That slutty mouth would lap up every bit of precum – mierda, fuck.”

Even his muttering sounds sinful, leaving your bottom lip tucked into your mouth, sucking hard at the skin. Your hole tightens around your fingers and you work yourself to peaks, massaging your clit in deep circles that work in tandem with the repetitious tapping against that spot inside you.

“Faster,” you finally purr, unsure if you’ll find it together – but god, do you want it so bad. You’re not even sure if it’s a plea or a demand to him, but you leave it.

And he’s secure enough to let you boss him, if only for a moment.

“Fuck. You too. Now. Are you a good girl?”

“Hmmpnh,” you uselessly whimper, nodding to no one. “I’m a good girl, I’m a good girl–” whining praises over and over, Javi’s grunts got more deliberate, more in time with your puling sounds. You’re shaking, needing to be sent to your climax, you beg to him in the broken words between exhalations.

“That’s it, bebita – be a good little slut. Give it up to me – mierda, got my cock throbbing for it. Wish I was cumming in your perfect little cunt – fuck. Let go, let me fucking hear it,” there’s a pause as he huffs into your ear, his attempt to find composure, as he grits through his teeth.

“Make my fucking pussy come, now.”

That demand, that ownership is what sends you. Your body responding to it instantly, you moan – hips lifting off of the bed as you nod. Nipples standing to attention as your body rolls through waves of pleasure, cunt fluttering around your fingers so tight and rhythmically the phone drops for a moment and you can hear a loud grunt on the other line – one that was dangerously foolish, your name falling from his mouth when you both knew just who was in his house. You didn’t even care. Not one part of you was cautious in this moment as you both fell into the throes of this affair.

Your body convulses before its inevitable release. Your muscles, tense, now relax into a puddle. You sigh, pulling away from your core and skillfully avoid getting the phone sticky as you put it back to your ear.

As you’re both just a pair of lungs battling breath between the phone connection, you shift in bed, rolling onto your side, the receiver slipping to your other ear. Savouring the seconds, the feelings of connection. You realise you lack this with Julian now. You didn’t notice it before. All a feeling, and not intellectualised, but it’s palpable, like a looming presence at the bottom of this ocean.

Your thoughts come and go as a yawn finally leaves Javi, and it’s kind of sweet to hear him be soft. To hear his humanity.

“When will I see you again?” you break the silence timidly, and honestly, despite the quite literal affair happening, you’re surprised the question slips by your lips.

Who was this person Javi brought out in you?

You can recall the times the two of you shared glances in silence before this. Not so many words were shared, and back then you thought it was due to lack of interest in each other’s lives, but now… now you’re realising it’s because of the volcano bubbling underneath the surface. The potential you both share.

It was fucked, you’re fucked, and you’re scared.

But you still poke the bear because if you didn’t you knew you would spend the rest of your life curious about the cave it resides in.

Hibernation had to come to an end eventually.

“It can’t be soon,” this upsets him, you can tell, but he is nothing if not observant. How odd this would look if the two of you started to hang out. “A week or two, cariño. We can make phone calls often. But we have to wait. Can you wait?”

And you want to tell him you’d wait ages for him, but you don’t. You force the words back down your throat, and instead offer him a nod even though he cannot see it.

“I can wait, Javi. I can wait for you.”

“That’s my good girl,” his words make your heart swell with pride, “I’ll call you.” he promises and you want to believe him so you do.

“I’ll call you, too,” fast to say it back. And you don’t feel an ounce of desperation. You feel renewed. Empowered by this. Confident.

“You should get some sleep, cariño. Got a husband to fight with tomorrow. He is not staying here.”

You both laugh as it simmers into comfortable silence.

“Okay…,” you’re reluctant, but you do agree to hang up.

“Goodnight, Javi.”

“Goodnight, ángel.”

You cling to the phone, and he hangs up first. You’re left with yourself just as you were when you woke up this morning. Surprised that you feel less guilty than you did earlier in the day, how swiftly your perception has changed of Julian, of your stance with Javier. All of it. You knew that you couldn’t just leave your husband at the drop of a hat, not after this much time had been put into the relationship. But you knew nothing or no one could light you on fire the way Javier Peña did.

Finally latching the phone to the hook, you close your eyes. The stickiness of your cunt peels your lips apart when you shift, and it’s a reminder of him. Your skin grows hot, your fingers exploring yourself again – if only to touch, if only to bring him back to life just as he was speaking into your ear moments ago. “Javi,” you whisper to yourself, nipples still erect from arousal.

And so you go again, with yourself, to make yourself feel good. Not for Julian, and not for Javier.

For you.

Until your core is shaking, your spent body spreading over the bed when sleep finally takes you.

When was the last time you did that? When was the last time you spent time on yourself rather than making sure your husband’s pleasure was prioritised? You weren’t sure, but you didn’t have time to dwell. Not with your eyelids getting heavy, drowned in your self-gratification. This was the start of something new. A new version of yourself actualised.

If anything, you were grateful for Javi’s presence. Whether he was doing this selfishly or not, this shook you to the core. He was waking you up.

And you had so much more to learn about yourself.

taglist: @cool-iguana @livingdeadmaria @sinfulrock @jasminedragoon @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @nobodycanseeinsidemysoul @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin - comment to be added! if i missed you, please remind me!

#narcos fic #javier peña #javier peña smut #narcos #javier peña x f!reader #pedro pascal #javier peña fic #javier peña x reader #javier peña x you #javier peña x afab!reader #narcos smut #hbf #hbf!javi #husband's best friend #by bee

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hwaslayer · 8 months

Text

project: make you love me (jyh) | five.

♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.

—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader x park seonghwa

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 4.5k

—chapter content/warnings: some cussing, witty & sweet yunho, seungmin being the true best friend that he is, college mcdonalds runs lol, yunho and oc talk a bit about the past, they also talk about seonghwa a bit, quick flashback scene - crying & heartbreak :/ , yunho really thinks oc is the cutest, i promise we are making progress even though it seems slow!!

It's been a couple of days since you last heard from Seonghwa, and to be quite frank, you don't really care much for it. It does suck, and it does hurt. But, at this point, you've done enough on your end and you can say you've always tried.

Seonghwa? Not so much.

"I'm fucked." You let out a heavy sigh as your face falls into the palms of your hands, stressing about your literature paper due.

You barely have the two paragraphs done, and your notes are all over the place.

What are you even saying anymore?

You're going in circles, and Dr. Nelson will know you didn't even try to make this work. The best part? This wasn't the only major paper assigned for the semester— you're not even sure how you'll tackle the other ones without leaning on Yunho for help.

"Doing okay there?" You hear a familiar, husky voice, followed by the sound of a bag being placed on the shared tabletop. You look up to see Yunho, and you're really relieved he's here. Even if you weren't going to try and bother him much about this paper, his presence was comforting.

"I don't know."

"That's not good." He chuckles before sliding his laptop out of his bag. "How can I help you?"

"Well, first of all, I'm really glad you're here."

"It is the booth I frequently work at." He teases with a smirk. "I see you've grown a liking to it."

"It's nice and quiet. Plus, I know I can find you here." He smiles and nods. "Second, it's Dr. Nelson."

"The paper?"

"Yes." You whine, again placing your head down onto the desk. "Why is this so difficult? Words are not coming to me, and even if they do, do they even make sense? I don't even know—" You mumble on and on, and Yunho can barely make out what you're saying. But, it's clear you're distressed and Yunho can't help but be a little endeared seeing this.

At least you care enough to do your best.

"Y/N." He calls for your name softly. "Slow down, it's gonna be okay. Let me know how I can help you." You finally look up with a pout.

"I don't want to rely on you."

"You're not relying on me when you ask for help. It's okay." He tries to lighten the mood. "Now seriously, how can I help? Do I need to run and buy you a mochi donut?" You giggle and shake your head.

"No, no." You pass along your laptop to let him view the screen. "Read this introduction. Does it make sense?" He furrows his brows a bit while reading your paragraph but nods to acknowledge what you've written so far.

"It does. Why do you think it doesn't make sense?"

"I guess I'm just not sure where to take this."

"Hm. You should give yourself more credit than that." He smiles at you. "You've already stated a couple of general ideas here. Why don't you take those and develop your body paragraphs that way? Those obviously stood out to you the most, so I'm sure you'll remember where to find it in the book."

"True."

"Don't second-guess yourself. I know it's hard because Dr. Nelson is in your head, but you really have the right idea. You just have to give him more than what he knows. Almost like—" Yunho tilts his head for a second as if to show he's deep in thought. "—Like okay, do you journal?"

"Yes, sometimes. Not all the time."

"You don't have to give me details, but what do you journal about? Just in general." Yunho patiently waits and keeps his eyes on you while you think.

"Feelings. Thoughts. Emotions."

"Right. When you're sad, you talk about why you're sad and how it affects you, your day, mood. Everything. You write about all these details and elaborate on the feeling."

"Yeah, exactly."

"Then, it's just like that. You already write about these things in your personal life. It's the same elaboration, same kind of thought process." You nod as Yunho pushes your laptop back towards you. "What I'm trying to say is, don't think much about it. Just write what comes to mind and don't overthink it."

"You know what, you're right. I need to stop overthinking and just do it." You grab at your laptop, feeling better after Yunho's advice. "Thanks, Yunho. I needed that."

"Happy to help."

"Are you going to leave soon?" He shakes his head.

"I was hoping to get some work done." You look at him and he catches the way your eyes light up.

"You're going to stay?" You ask him again for some kind of reassurance.

"Mhm." A smile tugs at the corner of your lips just as you start to type away more confidently.

"Sorry I took over your booth." You say with your eyes glued to your screen, making Yunho chuckle.

"I'll share it with you." You let out a tiny laugh at this response.

During the entire two hours you spent with Yunho at the booth, he was diligently finishing up his own paper before switching gears to focus on the remaining aspects of his other project. In between, he would patiently read your paper when you asked, giving you his feedback and some areas of improvement. You took them positively, adding in Yunho's tips into your paper and finishing off a good chunk before it could get way too late in the evening.

Of course, there comes a point where you get hungry and restless. That moment feels like now, especially when the words are starting to blur together in the last bit of the body. Oh well.

Yunho must be good at reading people though, because he picks up on the dwindling excitement, the dying energy, your tone change; the way you restlessly shake your legs and shift in your seat.

It's time to call it a night.

"Did you drive today?" You shake your head.

"No. I'm stuck here until Seungmin is done with his group project. But, I guess it's good since it'll force me to work on more things."

"Do you have to work on more things?" You giggle.

"Yes, but not really? They're due next week, and they're quick assignments."

"Cool. Down for some McDonalds, then? I can drive us. I can bring you home afterwards too, or back here. Whichever works." Yunho zips up his bag and patiently waits for your response. "No pressure, though."

"I'm down for some McDonald's." You chuckle, packing up your things. "I think I've done enough, right?" Yunho laughs a bit while watching you.

"You've done more than enough for today, Y/N. You're almost done with your paper. That's big progress."

"Thank you." You smile at him while zipping up your bag. "Alright, I'm ready." Yunho gestures for you to slide out of the booth first, with him following behind. He twirls his keychain around his finger as the two of you walk out of the library— the air hitting your face just as the doors swing open; cold, but refreshing.

"Cold?" Yunho looks down at you, almost ready to shed off his light jacket in order to keep you comfortable.

"Um, no. I should be good." You look up at him. "Besides, I don't wanna keep taking your jackets." He chuckles.

"I don't mind. Just let me know."

"Okay." It falls silent for a bit before you break the silence, kicking the rocks beneath your shoes. "How's your project coming along?"

"Hm." He hums. "It's going. As good as it gets for now, I guess."

"You and Yeosang don't team up for these things?" He laughs.

"Not really. We've talked about assignments before, but it's not a hot topic in the apartment. I think I might have brainstormed around Yeosang but he doesn't do much besides give off the usual 'sounds good to me.'"

"Mm, I see. He's quite the mystery." You gently nudge his arm. "You both are."

"Yeah, can't deny that." He lets out a small breathy laugh, flashing his key fob towards his car so that it unlocks. "Got lucky with parking today."

"That's always the best." You chuckle.

"Speaking of roommates, Seungmin knows you're coming along right? Don't want him to go looking for you."

"He knows. Trust me, even if he didn't, he wouldn't look for me." He smiles a bit when he sees your phone light up in your hands, signaling a text coming through. "Actually, speak of the devil."

"Oh, so he wouldn't look for you?" Yunho asks in a teasing manner, making the heat rise to your cheeks.

"It really must be your lucky day cause he doesn't always do this."

"He's your friend, he wouldn't leave you."

"He wouldn't! But, he'd also assume Chaery or Soobin might have already picked me up before asking." You laugh. "Can't stand him, but love him."

"Cute." Yunho says just as he drives off to the nearest McDonald's. It's only an exit away from where campus us located, and it's a quick drive being that it's pretty late in the evening.

seungmin: bro where r u

seungmin: r u with park seonghwa

you: noooo! sorry i was gonna text you but you surprisingly beat me to it

you: i'm with yunho, gonna grab mcdonalds then he'll take me home. want anything?

seungmin: oh, did you guys end up working together in the library? and i'm good on the mcdonalds. ty ☺️

you: mhm! alright. did you finish your project?

seungmin: almost, was looking for you because i wasnt sure if you still wanted to stay and i was gonna take you home. i truly think we'll be here till closing..

seungmin: rip me

you: aw seungmo

you: almost done! goodluck! don't worry about me 😬

seungmin: don't worry i'm not

you: lol sick of you, go away

You giggle to yourself as you tuck your phone away and return your attention to the road ahead.

"So, what are you getting?" You turn to Yunho, who is focused on driving carefully with you in his passenger's seat; one hand placed on the wheel, while the other rests on his lap.

"The entire menu at this point." You laugh. "I'm starving."

"You didn't eat today?"

"Barely. Just grabbed something small in between the break I had."

"Yunho." You look at him with concern. "That's not good! You have to eat."

"Yeah, I know. Trust me, I'll never pass up the opportunity on purpose. Just had bad time management today, I guess."

"Should I send you reminders?" You joke, but he shrugs.

"No, but that'd be cute if you did." He laughs. "But seriously, I'm usually better."

"Okay, Yunho. I'm holding you to it." You give him a toothless smile just as he pulls up into the McDonald's drive-thru.

"You know what you want?" He asks as he momentarily stops in front of the menu before pulling up to the main drive-thru speaker.

"Mhm. Can you please just get me the 10 pc nugget meal?"

"Anything else?" You shake your head and wait patiently while Yunho relays the orders. He pulls up to the first window to pay before he heads to the second to grab the orders. He gently hands the two bags over to you before setting the drinks down in his cupholders. "How much do I owe you?" You ask as he pulls out of the lot.

"Don't worry about it."

"Yunho? Stop. Let me pay."

"Nope." He glances over at you as you cross your arms and furrow your brows. "Still a no." He laughs.

"Come on, really?"

"It's not a big deal, Y/N. I got you." You sigh.

"Fine. I'll just have to get you brunch again."

"Don't. Please just let me treat you to something. You don't have to repay me." You look at him and find that he's serious. So, you nod and let it go.

"Where are we going?" You ask when you realize you're traveling in the opposite direction of your apartment complex.

"Oh, sorry. I know this view, and I thought I could take you there while we eat. I-Is that okay with you?" He clears his throat again and taps his fingers against the wheel. "I-I mean, I don't mind driving back. Really, it's whatever you wanna—"

"Yunho, please." You giggle. "I would love to eat at a view."

"Okay. Cool." He simply says, relieved that you're down to eat with him at a view. It might sound really cliché and pathetic, but he loves coming here when he just needs a moment—

A moment to breathe,

A moment to just be.

And right now, he feels like you could use that. He doesn't really know what else happens in your personal life, and he doesn't wanna ask unless you start that conversation yourself. But, shit happens. Life is life; we're all going through it. He knows you've been stressing over classes, over Park Seonghwa [even though he damn well doesn't deserve it].

Yunho just wants you to relax.

He pulls into a very tiny spot off to the side near a residential and backs into the open area. In front of you is the view of the ocean; the sound of waves crashing against the rocks, the shore. Stars dotting the night sky.

It was a perfectly clear night. A perfect night.

"Hm, I never knew this existed." You say observing the almost hidden, tucked away area of this part of the beach. "It's really pretty."

"I come here if I just need to be away for a second." You nod.

"Perfect place to have your me-time."

"Mhm." He agrees.

"When are you seeing your mom next?" You suddenly ask as you both dig into your bags and start chomping on a few fries.

"This weekend actually."

"Aw, no Yunho for the weekend."

"It's not like you'll be missing much."

"Hey, don't say that. You're great company, I told you. I meant it." You dip a nugget into your cup of honey mustard sauce. It makes his heart melt when you say things like this, when you unknowingly reassure him in many different ways— when you're so full of positivity and all you do is share it with him, your friends.

How could Seonghwa be so dumb?

Oh well.

One man's 'trash,' that's another man's come up.

"Thanks."

"Course." You smile at him before eating some more. "I'm glad you're seeing her this weekend. I'll try not to bother you during family time."

"You're never a bother."

"Still. I want you to give your mom and aunt your undivided attention."

"Ah, they always have my undivided attention." He chuckles and sips his drink. "Are you feeling better, by the way?" Yunho sticks a fry or two into his mouth before looking back out to the view.

"Feeling better?" You tilt your head before it dawns on you. That's right, the call. The fucking call where you whined about Seonghwa even though you really didn't have to, especially to Yunho. "Oh, right. Honestly, yeah. I think I'm okay."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." You sip on your drink. "It was a spur in the moment kind of thing. I didn't really think much about it at the time and acted on what I felt at that second. But you're right, I didn't need to feel guilty. There was no reason to."

"There wasn't." He looks at you. "Have you two talked?" You shake your head.

"No, we haven't. It's fine, though. I'm surprisingly.. not bothered by it like I used to be." You let out a small sigh. "I used to be really bothered by not hearing from him. I used to cave during every disagreement we had and I'd run back to him."

"Maybe this is you moving on." Yunho shrugs. "Like I said, I wouldn't know much about things like this. But, I can only imagine it gets tiring."

"Yeah." Is all you respond with before calling his name. "Yunho?"

"Mhm?" He responds at the same softness as you do, doe-eyes glancing back over at you just as you chomp on a nugget.

"How were your past relationships, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I don't. But, past relationships?" You furrow your brows a bit in confusion, but Yunho lets out a laugh. "My only serious relationship was in high school. We dated since freshman year, then we broke up right before we went to college."

"Oh, I'm sorry. That must have been tough."

"It was. But, it was for the best. I didn't wanna hold her back and vice versa from a new chapter in our lives, plus she was going to college overseas. There was no way it was going to work."

"I'm sure it could've since you two loved each other."

"Yeah, but I think at that point love meant letting her go and letting her experience things freely. I would've felt selfish and guilty about it." Yunho thinks back to that moment, and the feeling settles in his gut a bit. Not like it used to, no. But, those times weren't his favorite, and they've always left a mark on him.

♣︎ FLASHBACK

"Hey." Yunho says lowly, already not wanting to be here. He looks at Hayun with sadness in his eyes, and it's clear that she already knows where this is going too.

"Hi." She quietly says, head dropping as she steps aside to let him in. It's quiet in the house and Yunho hates it. It's quiet, even though his thoughts are extremely loud.

He hates this.

Hayun shuts the door and leads the way up to her room. Yunho is so familiar with this, but today— it feels oddly unfamiliar, awkward. Hurtful. Sad.

Different.

She steps inside and her movements are small. She sits on the edge of her bed just as Yunho shuts the door and takes his place next to her. He lets out a breath, hands dug deep into the pocket of his hoodie. They both stare out her window, admiring the view together knowing this is probably the last time they'll get to do so. But, Yunho breaks away first, looking over at Hayun and admiring her features.

She is beautiful. She is sweet. She is everything to him.

But, he knows he has to do this. It's only right.

"You're leaving this weekend, right?" Hayun meets his eyes and nods with a tiny smile creeping at the corner of her lips.

"Mhm."

"You're going to enjoy it there. I know you will."

"Maybe." Her head falls again, eyes now focused on her hands as she fiddles with the thread of her pajama pants.

"You don't sound too excited."

"How am I supposed to sound excited when I know you're here for a specific reason?" She looks at him, and he sees the tears welling up in her eyes. It breaks his heart, but he knows he has to do this. It's only right.

"I'm sorry." He says lowly. "You know it's for the best, love." The tears are welling up in his eyes now— he truly, truly hates this. "I'm so sorry."

"Then, why?" She cries. "Wouldn't we be able to make this work? I'd call, and I'd come home to visit and—" He shakes his head and wipes her tears, thumb caressing the surface of her cheeks.

"See, that's exactly why. I don't want you to make this experience about me. You should be enjoying yourself, you should be experiencing everything you wanna experience out there. You shouldn't be shaping college around me."

"But I'm not, I can do both. I can—"

"Love, listen." He says close to a whisper. "You and I both know we're only prolonging what'll eventually happen. We're so young, we have so many things yet to experience. Being this far apart, we'll outgrow each other, and we'll end up hurting each other in so many ways." Her bottom lip trembles and pokes out, tears continuing to streak her cheeks. But, she doesn't say anything. She knows this is what needs to happen. She knows Yunho is only doing the right thing. She knows that everything he's saying is true. "I'll never be able to forgive myself if you don't experience all of this at your full potential. You have so much ahead of you, Hayun. And because I love you, all I want is for you to be happy. That's all I want for you."

"Yunho." She cries. "I'm so sorry. I hate this. I'm so sorry." She repeats, over and over again; though, Yunho isn't sure why she's apologizing. He doesn't want her to regret anything about them, about this. Yunho pulls her into his arms, hugging her tightly while repeatedly kissing her on the top of her head. He whispers sweet nothings against her head, reassuring her that he loves her, that he just wants the best for her.

That he's okay.

Even though, he's far from okay.

♣︎ END

"True." You pause to nibble on your food some more. "You haven't dated anyone after your ex?" He shakes his head.

"No. It wasn't really a priority for me. Plus, we had been together all throughout high school. I needed the time to myself." You nod.

"Understandable. Have you talked to her since then?"

"Not really. I ran into her one summer, and she acted like she didn't really know me. Kinda sad, but it's whatever."

"It's not whatever. You can be sad about that."

"It's just sad how people go from doing everything together and being really close, to suddenly being strangers again. We were very different when we ran into each other." He shrugs. "I just hope she's doing well."

"And I'm sure she wishes the same for you. Maybe she just didn't know how to approach you after so long."

"Maybe."

"Maybe." You repeat as you trace the lid to your drink while you sip on it, Yunho watching your small movements while remaining quiet for a bit.

"What about you?" He chimes in, finally having the guts to ask you.

"Past relationships?" You shrug. "I did date two people in high school. Came to college and was seeing someone I met through mutual friends. Never got super serious though, and we eventually agreed to just stay friends."

"I see."

"We're still good friends so it's nice we were able to actually get past that."

"That's good. What about Seonghwa? How did that start?"

"He came up to me after one of my performances, exchanged numbers then.. viola." You make a gesture with your hand. "This mess started." You chuckle to yourself, slightly in a more pathetic sense because yeah, it is a mess. Has been.

"It's alright. We live and we learn. Just unfortunate he's too immature to realize what's in front of him."

"Yeah, well." You set your cup down. "I think that's done with."

"Good, that's a relief." It is a relief to Yunho because that means many things:

One, you won't be with Seonghwa.

Two, you won't be with Seonghwa.

And three, you won't be with Seonghwa.

He's not even sure of his own feelings when it comes to you, but he does know that he really enjoys your company and he feels comfortable with you. It's easy to fall for you and Yunho might be heading in that direction— he just doesn't wanna scare you off, especially if you don't seem to feel the same way. Before Yunho can do a whole deep dive of his thoughts next to you, he clears his throat before stumbling on his follow-up: "I-I mean, it's good because he doesn't deserve you at all. You shouldn't continue wasting your time on him or anything." You giggle.

"Thanks, Yunho. You did help me realize that over the phone."

"I didn't say or do much. You're making your own decisions and doing what's best for you." He gives you a small smile. Another comfortable silence falls between you two as you look out at the view and appreciate the stars that are visible in the night's sky.

"Hey, Yunho?" You finally break the silence again, and it's clear Yunho doesn't mind. He truly doesn't mind all the questions you've had, and he likes hearing you say his name the way you do. It's cute.

You genuinely want to know more about him, to learn about him.

"Mhm?"

"Would it be weird if I said that I really like being with you?" He lets out a small laugh.

"Well, I would hope so." He gives you a soft smile while you giggle. "But no, not weird at all. I feel the same way."

"That's nice to know."

"Yeah, it is." He crumples his napkin and throws it into his bag, reaching out a hand for yours. "Finished?" You nod and hand him your trash, watching as Yunho makes his way to the nearby trash can.

"Thank you." You say just as he walks back towards the car.

"My pleasure." Yunho stretches.

"Hold on, I wanna see the water up close." You step out and head towards the railing, leaning over to watch the water crash against the rocks, the wall. Yunho smiles to himself and digs his hands in his pockets, slowly coming towards the rail. He looks at you from behind, watching as you admire the sea, the night sky.

Meanwhile, he's admiring you.

He lets out a breath and shakes off the thoughts, coming next to you and letting his arm brush against yours. He also leans over to watch the water more closely, foot resting on the lowest rail for more stability.

"It's so pretty." Yunho looks at you and he can't help but agree— because yes, you are.

"It is." He responds outloud.

"This was really nice, Yunho." You look up at him with a tiny, toothless smile. "Thanks for sharing this with me and for taking me here."

"Just wanted to see you smile." You feel the heat rise to your cheeks, and Yunho feels his ears getting hotter. How embarrassing. But, thank god it's nighttime and you can't see him visibly getting shy, embarrassed. "Ready to head back home? You must be exhausted."

"I am." You yawn as you start to walk back towards the car and get settled into the seats. "But, I did get lots done."

"You did." He starts up the car and starts heading back towards the apartment complex. "What are you gonna do when you get home?"

"Probably just lie down and talk to Chaery in the room." You chuckle. "You?"

"Hop on a game or just watch some stuff."

"I wanna see what your apartment looks like." He laughs a bit.

"One day."

"Promise?"

"There isn't anything special about it, Y/N. I promise you that."

"But, I just wanna see what Yunho's space is like." You say in a playful tone.

"Yunho's space is boring." He retorts.

"I'm sure it's not. So, promise me? One day I'll get to see it?"

"Sure."

"Say it, please." You pout, making Yunho shake his head.

"Promise."

"Better." You giggle, settling more into the passenger's seat. You and Yunho continue to talk a bit about the remainder of the week, not realizing that the weekend was quickly approaching.

By the end of the conversation, Yunho is pulling into the complex parking lot and effortlessly parking into his usual spot. He grabs your things from the trunk and hands over your bag, following behind you as you walk towards your building.

"Yunho, I'm just here. You don't have to walk me."

"I sure do." He replies. "It's fine, I need to make sure you make it to your door in one piece."

"I appreciate it." You give him a small smile. "Thanks again for today. I really enjoyed it, well— minus the work that had to get done first."

"Of course." Yunho smiles, stopping at the stairs. He digs his hands into his pockets, watching as you reach the top of the first flight and turning to face him.

"More McDonald's runs in the future?"

"Sounds good."

"Goodnight, Yunho."

"Goodnight, Y/N." You give him one last wave before you make your way to your apartment. When he hears the door shut, he turns on his heel to make his journey to his own apartment.

♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine @soupbinlily @tyongff-ff @jiminiscricket @g1g1l @staytinyinmybpack @woomyteez @gfksz @bitchwhytho @savluvsmingi @thisisntmyrightera @hyukssunflower @miriamxsworld @tmtxtf @kuromibabe04 @lmnhead @carrietwrites @tournesol155 @persphonesorchid @txt-yaomi @marsattacks @mxnsxngie @h-nji @mundayoonimnida @jalapeno-princess @nakiiko @asjkdk @kunikku @idkwgoh [bold = can’t tag 😔]

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clawbehavior · 2 months

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we're five episodes into Shogun, which means we're halfway through the series and all the major plotlines have been introduced and the characters characterized. and i'm starting to notice things.

namely, toranaga is becoming increasingly unlikeable. it started when he abandoned blackthorne to die after being saved by the man hours earlier, but it reached its peak with the return of the young heir's mother and the reveal that she's using the council against toranaga to protect her son. because then what is toranaga going to war for? we were told via the dead king's widow that toranaga needs to protect the young heir against the council, but clearly that's not true. so what's he doing? it bothered me that toranaga could be so kind to the young heir, playing with him and advising him, while neglecting his own son, whose insecurity around his father was so transparent that he was easily manipulated into starting a war. but then i wondered if toranaga was showing his true self (his third heart) to his son. that scene where he says "you categorize everyone as enemies and friends when you only have yourself" implies that he sees everyone as a potential enemy, which can only happen if his self-interests are at odds with everyone else's. seeing the end of episode five, i think toranaga is not what he seems. we know he can be duplicitous. he plays uncle and nephew against each other so easily, getting rid of the problem of their growing power by doing so. i think the falcon motif that's ever present in the show represents toranaga, flying against the sun so his prey can't see him until it's too late (episode one). he's fooling everyone, including his allies, which brings me to my next point.

mariko's story is not going to end well. i didn't know why this was a limited series with no chance of a season two until we got her backstory. mariko is straight up suicidal, just looking for a purposeful/honorable way to do it. if blackthorne can see this within days of meeting her, across a huge cultural divide and despite language differences, then toranaga has clocked this about her too, which doesn't bode well for her life. the mariko-blackthorne-husband love triangle subplot serves a deeper function of revealing her psyche to us. she can't let go of her feelings of injustice and dishonor from her family's deaths. (the flashback we get of her past shows her father's haunted expression because that's how she remembers the event, with horror rather than disgust for his actions.) this is why she tells blackthorne the truth about her family when ordered to by her husband, even though blackthorne tells her to lie and tell him something else because her husband won't know. mariko can't let go of what happened to her family (and her husband doesn't let her). she's been spiritually dead for ages and the return of her husband from the dead not only means she cheated, which someone with her honor code can't live with, it means she cannot be happy with blackthorne. her tragic past coupled with her strong feelings towards honor/dishonor makes her easy for toranaga to use, though it's unclear for what.

interestingly, mariko and blackthornes' opposing ideologies are why they survived and found each other. mariko resists quietly, inside her soul (the eightfold fence), turning to her Christian faith and becoming devout and learned in Portuguese to speak with the priests. this is how she ends up as blackthorne's translator, a position of power and later romance. blackthorne, in contrast, resists outwardly and every step of the way. that scene where toranaga tells him to give up because he's outnumbered and blackthorne replies "unless i win" captures his character perfectly. he's going to fight until the last second, which is why he survives the journey to Japan, and why he gets separated from his men and integrated into a foreign culture, and why he steers the ship to safety rather than being left behind to die. that stubbornness to live shows up as a tendency for breaking all the rules, the result of which is meeting mariko and unintentionally getting her to fall in love with him. it's so fascinating how their ideologies have set them apart from their own people and brought them together while indicating their incompatibility.

the show does a good job of layering characters and keeping them consistent, so i have faith that they'll return to yabushige's scary character. him torturing a sailor to death in pursuit of an existential question in a way so barbaric that it scares even the villagers did an excellent job in setting the tone of the show in episode one and setting the show apart from other historic period dramas. so it's disappointing to see him turn into a conniving goofball. hopefully this is a short term thing.

i haven't been so intrigued by the political machinations within a show in a long while, probably since GoT. can't wait to see how the rest of it plays out

gif below courtesy of @yocalio. look at toranaga's face shadowed in the sunlight. we don't fully know him.

#shōgun #fx shogun #shogun spoilers #shogun #toda mariko #john blackthorne #yoshii toranaga #analysis

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starry-eyes-love · 6 months

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Chapter 6- You're Forever Mine

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Summary | Things finally boil to a steaming head between you and Joel. After much discussion Joel decides to spend the night sleeping next to you to help calm you. He reads you a steamy bedtime story and then holds you after you wake up from a horrible nightmare (please read warnings about nightmare below before reading). You get a major dark glimpse into the reader's past and how she met Joel (he's the savior in her story).

Important Note: This chapter has a lot of very graphic scenes that are mentioned that happen to the f!reader during a dreamstate nightmare flashback. If you don’t want to read about these types of details, then skip the flashback scene at the Boston QZ five years prior in the story. You can still understand the story without reading the flashback scene. See warnings below.

Words: 12.0 K (I’m not sorry)

“Baby, if you can’t see why, then I’ve really screwed up. If ya can't see why I want you darlin’, then I don’t deserve you in my life. I’m not Dave honey, I never have been, nor ever will be. If you can’t see that then please honey, just let me go and see my daughter. I don’t want to be in a world where you think I’m a monster. Please.”

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI for whole story

Flashback: Dark content during flashback with David (aka Dave): language, vio!ence, abu$e mentions several types, name calling, degrading references, death, b!ood and gore (please see note above, you have been warned this is very dark content).

Rest of story: Smut, language, Joel begging (it deserves it’s own warning), heavy knife references, references to abuse, tension (a lot scattered about), Joel referencing death and death of his daughter, angst, f fingering, m handjob, a lot of smutty parts (you have been warned), use of the word ‘love’, Joel and the reader being an ass (hey it’s relationship dynamics), Joel reading smut out loud to F!Reader (yeah, we’re doing it), fluffy parts sprinkled in, breast feeding kink via smutty book read from Joel, size kink, daddy kink, age gap (not disclosed), body reference (without being too specific), g spot reference, name calling (baby, honey, little girl, etc.)…and I think that is it. Finally the heat is turning up with these two. Enjoy :)

Story

Joel was wound up tight, stressed, and not in a good way. This thing between the two of you was starting to boil to a head and he didn't like it. He hated this back and forth that was going on. He hated that he didn't know from one day to the next if he was going to scream at you for fucking up his life, even in the best possible way. Or if he was going to give in and fuck you, just to get out all of his pent up frustration. God, he needed to relieve himself. It had been way too long, and this constant edging between the two of you was giving him the worst case of blue balls that he could ever imagine. He wanted to bury himself so badly inside of you, throw caution out of the window and give in to his body's needs to have you. That was what it was now, a deep rooted need to release all of his anxiety, anger, and pent up frustration of trying to be the good guy for you.

Joel wasn't a good man, he knew it. Sure, at one time he could be gentle, tender, and loving. He suspected that those emotions were still buried deep inside of him. But ever since the world went to shit, Joel had to survive. He had to kill people in order to survive, and he'll do it again if he must. But you, you were different. You were kind, soft, gentle, but also a fierce woman. There was no one on this Earth that Joel feared more than you, especially when you were pissed off at him.

Joel saw first hand how you handled frustration. You'd bottle it up inside and then explode later. He'd seen how you’d kill people with your knife, how you'd keep stabbing them long after they were dead to release that anger that you had. An anger that he was just starting to understand. People wronged you in life, took your innocence far before they should have. This fact made Joel want to scream and see red whenever he thought about it. People had prayed upon you, took advantage of you at your weakest, and he wasn't ever going to let that happen again.

Joel also hated seeing you feel weak. It didn't bother him that you couldn't do everything, hell Joel couldn't grow plants, and yet here you were making it work slowly in the house. You had your strengths; the ability to find things hidden, anticipate things, and even take a mothering role with Ellie. But one of your best abilities, Joel thought, was your ability to get underneath his goddamn skin and drive him crazy. This fact alone pissed him off, but also excited him because he loved your fire, attitude, and passion in life. The worst part, you knew you had this effect on him.

Joel was lost in thought, thinking about you when you were showing Ellie how to string together a bow and how to sharpen a knife. God, it turned him on to hear you direct her on how to stab and kill people. He knew that you could survive in this world, even if he wasn’t around. Most men wouldn’t like this type of independence or fierceness, but for Joel, this was the biggest turn on. The only thing that he wished for was for your nightmares to quit haunting you.

"And you turn it like this to secure it" you said to Ellie, showing Ellie how to finish attaching the string for a bow.

"That's so fucking cool y/n. Joel, you did a great job showing her this," Ellie said looking at the bow amazed.

"Not my doing Ellie, that's something she knew all on her own." Joel said, taking a slow sip of the whiskey that he was holding, a small find he got from the cellar outside.

"Seriously? You knew something Joel didn't?" Ellie asked, looking at you shocked.

"Who do you think taught him how to thread it?" you said with a smirk.

Ellie glanced over at Joel, who started to blush and rub the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Don't make fun of me darlin’" he said, shaking his head and laughing at how shocked Ellie looked that you had actually taught him how to do something.

"But Joel, I thought you like knew everything," Ellie said, pushing his buttons on purpose.

"I don't know everything, never have kid. And you,” he said shaking a finger at you, “Stop that damn smiling and laughing over there." You were quietly sitting on the floor next to Ellie, softly laughing to yourself at Ellie's statement, watching her push Joel’s buttons. The amusement of this entire situation was just as much for your enjoyment as it was hers.

"Didn't say anything" you said, trying to keep a straight face, but failing miserably.

"Look here smartass, I may not know how to make what you're doing" he said waving his hand, jestering towards the bow. "But you better believe I know how to shoot that darn thing." And with that you stopped laughing and got up. Shooting a bow was always a touchy subject, one that Joel knew you had.

You walked to the kitchen and started washing your hands, not that you needed to, but it was something to do to get your hands to calm down at the memory. Joel could sense your unease as Ellie continued teasing him. Joel was only half listening to her, the person he was paying attention to was you. He saw the way your breathing spiked and became labored, he also saw how your hands were shaking when you went past him. At the sink he saw you vigorously rub your hands underneath the water, acting like you were trying to wash off the signs of blood, which he knew was yours that you were seeing and remembering. Damn it, he thought, she’s having another fucking flashback.

As Ellie continued talking, Joel stood up and approached you slowly in the kitchen. When he approached you and saw that you were still rubbing your hands fast together, scrubbing hard and not acknowledging him, he slowly wrapped his arms around you. He placed his hands on top of yours under the water and said "leave it baby. He's not here. Come on.” Joel then shut off the water, took your hands that were still trembling, and turned you into his chest. As he slowly caged you in his arms he began to slowly rub his hand up and down your back, humming that little tune to you that he did all of those years before.

What you didn't realize was that you were shaking so bad in Joel’s arms that Ellie had noticed. Ellie approached the pair of you and said "Joel is she ok? She's shaking really bad and she looks like she's-"

"She's fine Ellie, don't worry” you heard Joel say. When you glanced up at him you felt a single tear leave your eye, and a horrible tremor went through your body at the memory of the last time you attempted to shoot a bow. “You're ok, shh I got you" Joel said, while tucking you gently back into his chest, and wrapping you up in his arms. “Just listen to my voice baby, just me” and then he began slowly humming that song to you again.

As he continued to comfort you, you felt him gently sway you back and forth, rubbing your back, and planting kisses to the top of your head. Your mind was so far in the past that you didn’t hear Joel tell Ellie to give you guys a few minutes alone. The only thing that you could hear was the ringing in your ears at a memory that you wanted to forget. ‘Stupid bitch. *Smack* I'll teach you a fucking lesson. *Smack, Smack.*’ Even after all these years, you still could feel the sting on your skin from the abuse Dave did. As soon as you involuntarily flinched at the memory of a hard hand to your face, you felt Joel tighten his grip around you while saying "it's gone. He's gone. You're safe with me baby, shhh. It's ok," and then he went back to humming that song that you loved until the memory of Dave left you once again.

You didn't know how long you stood there embraced in Joel’s arms before you heard him say "do ya want me to sleep next to you tonight baby?" When you didn’t answer he pulled away and then gently tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. "Might make the bad nightmares stay away if I sleep next to you honey," he continued in a soothing voice. You had to admit, not sleeping next to Joel has made the nightmares come back with a vengeance. You haven't hardly slept in weeks, which meant you were more susceptible to bad dreams and horrible flashbacks.

"I don't want to be a burden on you," you said.

"Ain't a burden love, never have been."

"Joel I-" you began to say before Joel interrupted you.

"Come on, let's get you tucked into bed darlin,' you look exhausted." Joel then took your hand and led you into your bedroom, holding your hand the entire way. Once inside of your bedroom he quickly got you situated sitting on the bed. “Hang on a sec,” he said and then disappeared back down the hall. After a few moments Joel reappeared with a worn out old flannel. He handed it to you and said "here, put this on. It’s mine and I know you like the way I smell."

Slightly embarrassed and turning a shade of red you took his flannel and said “thanks.” You did like how Joel smelled, but you didn’t think he knew it. “We both are getting comfortable tonight love” he said as he chucked a set of comfy pajamas for himself on the bed.

"Wow, aren't we both domestic" you said, shaking your head at seeing Joel change into an old T-shirt and fuzzy pajama pants.

“Yeah, well, I need it. And by the looks of ya, so do you darlin.’” Joel smirked as he unbuckled his pants and slowly took them off while looking at you. You knew you needed to turn away, but when you noticed Joel removing his boxers, you couldn't help but stare. God he was big. You could see that even in his softened state that his cock hung heavy between his legs. You didn't realize that you were staring with a slightly open mouth until you heard his Southern drawl.

“Baby, nothin’ good comes outta you looking at me like that. Come on, eyes up here darlin.’” Joel said teasing you.

You immediately felt embarrassed at what you were doing, starring at a grown man’s crotch. Yes he was your boyfriend, but you didn’t have that type of relationship with him at the moment. “Oh God Joel, I’m so sorry” you said, burying your head in your hands and turning 20 shades of red.

Joel chuckled and said “Baby, I love you looking. But I don't think it's the proper answer right now to our problems of lack of sleep between the both of us. So come on, let's get you changed and tucked into bed honey.” When you didn’t move Joel walked up to you and gently grabbed your hands and said “Come on, arms up for me.” When you slowly raised your arms above your head, Joel lifted your shirt up as you kept your eyes closed.

“Angel, open your eyes and look at me” he gently whispered. When you did, you found that he met you with dark intense eyes, like a wolf who just found his prey. As you looked at him you noticed that he lightly licked his lips while he eye fucked you. You noticed that he slowly looked down your chest, tracing the curve of your breasts with his eyes. When you unclasped your bra and let it fall to the floor, Joel just about fainted.

“Fuuck” Joel growled, looking at you standing before him with nothing covering your chest. If he was a better man he'd turn around and give you privacy, but he wasn't. It had been too long since he had a beautiful woman standing before him half naked. When you slowly bent down and pulled off your pants and panties, Joel almost came right there on the spot.

As you stood in front of Joel completely naked, you found yourself slowly tracing your hands along your curves. You cupped your breasts and said “do you want to touch them?” as you slowly twisted your nipple while letting out a soft moan.

“Baby, you- you can’t do this. Fuck woman, I’m-I’m not gonna be able to-” Joel said, slowly reaching out to touch you, but stopping midway before he did. He wanted to put his hands overtop yours, to feel the softness of your plump breasts underneath his callused hands. But Joel knew he couldn't, while shaking his head he said in a low voice “look at me scolding ya about starring, and I’m doing no different. Finish getting dressed, and let's go to bed baby.”

With a satisfied smirk you turned your back to place on his flannel, and then buttoned it up. You decided to forgo putting your bra back on. You grabbed a pair of clean black lace panties, a rare find but something that you were glad you found in storage. As you turned around you saw Joel staring at you wide eyed. “Baby, I- that’s not” he said, glancing between your chest and ass. He was trying to figure out how he was supposed to sleep next to you tonight, knowing you were practically naked next to him.

“Look here cowboy,” you said in a sarcastic tone. “I ain’t sleeping fully clothed so you can just fuck right off now if ya think I should.” When you approached your side of the bed, you froze. Chewing on your lip for a moment you finally asked, “is it safe for us to be dressed like this and all relaxed Joel?” You stared down at yourself, picking at the edges of your clothes, thinking that how you were dressed was both silly and stupid.

When Joel glanced over at you, he noticed your meek expression, lack of confidence, and the fact that you were chewing on your lip in a worried state. Sleeping fully relaxed in this world wasn’t something anyone could afford to do anymore, but he knew it was something that you both desperately needed tonight. "I put up new defenses around here. I also installed two deadbolt locks to the door. I think for one night we can let our guard down a bit. I don't know about you baby, but I need one night where I'm not on the fucking edge. I'm so wound up honey that I-”. That's when Joel saw it, fear mixed with longing behind your eyes, and that was a dangerous combination. With clearing his throat he added, “ya darlin’, it’s safe for tonight.”

Joel wasn't kidding about needing to be comfortable. He had reading glasses, a book, and a lamp that was turned on, giving the room a soft glow. When he sat down, he sat with his back against the wall. His rifle and his knife were set next to the bed, just in case. After he was situated, he looked over at you and said "come on baby, come to bed" while patting your side of the bed.

Shaking your head and giggling slightly you said, "I never would have thought in a million years that Mr. Joel Miller would actually say 'come on baby, come to bed.’ Kind of a special occasion, if ya ask me."

Joel glared at you and then quipped, "ok smartass, just lay down and don’t give me any more of your sass."

Smiling to yourself at his little quip, you laid down next to him, facing him. After you got situated, Joel tucked the blankets over you, bent down, and kissed the top of your head saying "now go to sleep baby." He then put his reading glasses on as he sat there and silently started reading to himself.

As you laid there you listened to Joel slowly breathe. You focused on trying to match your breaths with his, and in time you felt yourself finally starting to relax. The longer Joel read, the more you saw his muscles unclench, and his brows unfurrow. You laid there curled up in his flannel, holding the sleeve up by your nose, while slowly inhaling his scent. Joel was right, you did love the way he smelled. He smelled of pine, cinnamon, wood, and Joel. An intoxicating scent that left your head spinning, but also something that you could describe as home. You were somewhat in a daze, thinking about stuff that has recently happened when all of a sudden you heard Joel say, "Ya need to stop thinking so hard."

"What?" You said, slightly shaking your head in an attempt to focus.

"You're thinking too hard darlin’," he said, still reading his book.

"How am I thinking too hard?"

"Baby, you're breathing hard, shifting your legs, and sighing to yourself."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't realize that I was doing any of that" you replied in a meek voice.

"S'alright darlin'. What were ya thinking about anyways?" When you didn’t respond, Joel stopped and looked over at you.

"Just wondering where you found those glasses" was all that you said.

Joel cocked his head saying "that’s bullshit darlin'. That's not what's got ya all twisted up. But to answer your question, I found these in the cellar outside. They're regular reading glasses, and just so happens they’re the type of ones I need.” Joel then returned to reading his book.

You laid there quietly, chewing on your lip and thinking about some things that were bugging you a lot recently. Somehow Joel must have seen you out of his peripheral vision as he said with a sigh, “So what are you really thinking 'bout?"

“Just wondering what you’re reading?” you said, pressing your thighs together, not wanting to voice your actual true concerns. Laying this close to Joel wasn’t helping your sex drive. You haven’t been able to get yourself off recently due to how stressed out you were. But tonight your mind kept wandering to what Joel looked like when he changed in front of you, and you wondered how he'd feel again inside of you. You couldn't believe how delicious his cock looked, all hanging heavy between his legs. You could practically feel the rush of arousal out of you when you saw him earlier. You didn’t think that telling Joel, nor asking for his help, would be appropriate tonight. You remembered how he dealt with your starring earlier. He told you that you two shouldn't do anything, and for you to stop.

Joel looked over at you as you kept shifting under the covers. He knew that you really didn't want to know what he was reading. But Joel wasn’t in the mood to argue with you tonight. Replying with a bit more sarcasm than he intended Joel said, “a book darlin.’ I’m reading a damn book.”

“No shit sherlock, I know you’re reading a book Joel” you said with a sarcastic eye roll. After a moment of shifting around uncomfortably again you added, “can you, um, maybe read it to me out loud?”

Joel froze and looked over at you. “Darlin’, this ain’t one of those types of books.”

“I know what type of book it is Joel, Jesus. I know the author. She likes little Westerns that have two people- um. You know they- uh. They-

“Fuck.” Joel said, finally looking down at you with one eyebrow raised.

“W-what?” you said, looking back up at him with innocent eyes.

“She has them fuck darlin’, is that what you’re trying so hard not to say? You're fumbling with your words and acting worse than a toddler trying to talk.” he said, while closing the book and looking at you.

“Jesus Joel, an asshole much?” you snapped, completely turning red at his reference. Tonight was just not your night, so you turned away from Joel and laid there facing the other direction. You mumbled under your breath “you know, you can just fuck off. You don’t even understand what it feels like to not have someone want to fuck you, or to not be able to get yourself off.”

If Joel had to describe your mood tonight it would be moody, emotional, and down right irritating. Of course he understood what it was like to want to be with someone. Jesus, you were wearing his flannel with black panties on with no bra. He hadn’t had sex with anyone, specifically you, in months. He's attempted to get himself off, but again hasn't been able to. He also understood what it felt like to be frustrated, and God damnit, he wanted to smack some sense into your ass at that statement you just said. God help me, this woman is trying my fucking patience tonight, he thought.

For the next several minutes you heard Joel silently turning the pages of his book. Usually the silence wouldn't bother you, but tonight your nerves were on fire. All you wanted was for your so-called boyfriend to kiss you, make out with you, do something to take away these weird feelings that you had. You were hopeful that laying in bed next to him was going to lead to maybe some other things. Hell, that’s why you agreed to lay next to him in the first place. But apparently Joel wasn’t interested. Truth be told, he never really was interested in you anymore. So with another big sigh, you realized that you were just going to be sexually frustrated for a while. Yeah, great, fucking perfect.

Joel was attempting to unwind by reading the book he held. God, he was wired. He was so turned on and sexually frustrated by watching you earlier that he wanted nothing more than to bury his aching cock deep within your warm walls. He could practically smell your arousal tonight, the honey sweet aroma that he knew and grew to love. He thought reading a simple Western would help him calm his nerves. What he didn’t realize was that the author wrote a lot of graphic sex scenes in the book. And those graphic sex scenes weren't helping his frustration nor the hard on he had for you.

After a moment of contemplating, and hearing you sigh once again, he decided to say fuck it, and read out loud to you. What’s the worst that could happen, he thought, if anything maybe tonight I’ll finally get fucking laid. So with a big inhale, and deep exhale, Joel started reading to you out loud.

“After a night of blissful romance, by morning’s first light he was gone again. She could tell by the way the growing baby in her belly was kicking, that it missed their Papa as much as she missed her strong man. She tried convincing herself that he’d be back before winter, but she knew deep in her heart that was not the case. Winter turned into spring, and with it, came the birth of her son, Joshua. Giving birth was hard, especially when her man wasn’t by her side. But the neighbor lady, a woman who had 5 children, helped her with the process. Then one day when Joshua was 3 months old, a familiar Southern drawl came from across the room “fuck darlin’, ain’t you beautiful.”

As Joel read out loud, you turned back around to face him. You glanced up and saw how his natural curls slowly swayed at the turn of each page. How he’d use his tongue to gently lick his finger right before he’d turn the page. You also saw how Joel would periodically lick his lower lip, as a way to moisten it as he slowly read out loud to you.

“He watched her from across the room as she fed his son. After not being around a woman for many months, he found the soft suckling noises, and the light bounce of her breast, as his son fed to be something exotic. He slowly felt himself become hard at watching her nurse him. There was something so incredibly sexy about a woman feeding his child, and he was desperate for proper release. He found a chair in the corner of the room and slowly took a seat. He quietly palmed his cock in his jeans at the sight of you.”

“When he watched you switch sides, he nearly exploded in his pants. You left your other breast hanging out of your bra. It swung heavy, gentle side to side motions as you rocked your son. He studied it, the curve and slope of your engorged tits. He saw a little bit of milk drip out from where his son had just finished feeding from you. God, he wanted to walk over there and pick up your heavy breasts and massage them. He knew they hurt you, being twice the size from what they normally were, he could see how much they made you ache. He also wanted to taste you, to lick the little drop of milk off from them, and then finish milking you dry with his mouth. He wanted to taste the warm, wet rush of milk in his mouth as he suckled from you, nipped you, and got you to moan for him. He knew your breasts were always so sensitive, but right now he knew he could get you to cum just by nursing from you himself. Feeling himself strain hard against his pants, he slowly unzipped himself and took out his aching member.”

Joel stopped and took a deep breath to steady himself before reading on. God his cock was fully erect right now, leaking precum and throbbing against the sheet. He wanted you to put your mouth on it, to touch it, something to help relieve the desperate need and ache that he felt. In an attempt to get this situation under control, before he made a fool of himself, he said in a breathy pant, “maybe uh, maybe we shouldn’t finish this darlin’, It ah, shit, it kinda gets really vulgar in a second.”

“Finish reading the fucking chapter Joel, please,” you said with a rush to your voice. When he glanced at you he could tell that you were just as worked up. You were sweating, your eyes were closed and your legs were closed tight. You slowly rocked back and forth, trying to find a little bit of relief for the tension that was building fast in your core. God you two needed to blow off some steam together and soon.

“Look here little girl” Joel said with a bite to his voice. “Don’t go and snap at me cause you’re fucking frustrated. I won’t keep readin’ if ya can’t be nice.” Joel then noticed you shuffle underneath the sheets, putting your hand in-between your legs, and pressing your legs together again while whispering “sorry, it’s just hard.”

As Joel sat there he watched how hard you were pressing your thighs together, gently rocking yourself into your hand. Fuck, you looked hot and bothered, and he was hard as hell. He wanted to see how far you’d go to relieving yourself, so he continued reading out loud.

“Up and down he stroked his cock, working himself up. He noticed a good amount of precum drip from his slit at the sight of the woman nursing. When she looked over at him he growled low saying, ‘when you’re done with him, you’re gonna come on over here and bounce on this dick properly darlin’.”

“After she was done nursing, and had put the babe down to bed, she slowly sauntered over to the man in the room. She had no intention of riding him, but she couldn’t help with how worked up she’d been, and how long it had been since she had a man between her legs. She found herself straddling him and very slowly lowering herself down on his cock. When she was fully sheathed she started moving back and forth, up and down, and then back and forth. She worked him hard, giving him everything that she could with her hips, fucking him like she’d never see him again. The more she worked him, the more she felt that familiar coil tighten deep within her belly as her tits swayed and bounced in his face.”

“‘I feel it darlin’, keep fucking going’ he said as he started helping her rock faster into him and attaching his mouth to her nipple. When he bit down she yelped, saying ‘fuck yes, harder.’ He smiled as he continued to lick, nip, and suck her gorgeous swollen tits. He started meeting her thrust for thrust, jack hammering up into her, chasing his own high. ‘Why did I stop fucking this’ he said, moaning into her as he felt her walls flutter around him.

“‘Mama, I know you're close. Come on, give it to me’ he growled, grinding her hard on him. One, two, three hard thrusts in and she felt her coil snap hard in her stomach. She felt a gush of fluid rush his cock and then he tipped over the edge growling in her ear. He continued thrusting as he worked them both through their highs, grunting each other’s names in the process. As soon as they were done, he picked her up and took her to bed where he showed her what being home truly meant. They both tipped over the edge multiple times into eternal bliss, needing each other for forever more.”

When Joel finished reading the chapter he closed the book and heard himself panting hard. He looked over at you and saw that you had your eyes closed and was slowly rocking back and forth with your hand in-between your legs again panting hard. Fuck you looked hot. As soon as you noticed Joel had stopped reading your eyes snapped open and you glared at him with blown out pupils.

“Maybe uh-maybe we should uh-”

“Goodnight Joel” you whispered while you rolled over and laid there in silence. Joel just looked at you puzzled, about to ask if you wanted to maybe do something when you said “please turn out the light, I’m kinda tired and wanna go to bed.”

“Yeah sure” he said, turning out the light and slipping down into the bed. Joel laid there staring at the ceiling, thinking when he said “do you wanna-”

“No, goodnight Joel.”

“Yeah, ok. Goodnight darlin.’” Joel laid there confused, not understanding what had happened. He didn’t know if you were embarrassed at him seeing you worked up or if he somehow hurt your feelings. After laying in silence for a bit he was going to ask if you were ok. But before he did, he heard you say “before you asked what I was thinking, I was just thinking what we're gonna do once we find Tommy. Like where do I go? Do I live with you or am I supposed to be on my own or what?”

Joel didn’t answer right away, as he didn't know the answer. This was something that the two of you hadn’t discussed. He wanted you to stay with him, but he didn’t want to force you to stay either. Apparently his lack of communication right now upset you. “Just forget I asked,” you said. “I'll just figure it out myself." And with that you fell into a deep sleep. But as you started to dream, your mind decided to recall a memory that you truly wanted to never remember again…

Dreamstate- Flashback to Boston, QZ- 5 years prior

(graphic content)...if you want to skip this section go to “flashback end” in bold below to pick up the regular story again. Please read warnings before proceeding reading flashback, this is very dark content.

“You’re so fucking stupid, how can you not be able to do this. Like every dumb idiot can shoot a bow, well everyone except for you.” Dave snarled at you when you couldn’t even pull back the bow.

“Well I don’t know Dave, maybe teach me how to do it instead of ridiculing me. Like what the fuck is wrong with you, why are you acting like this? You’re supposed to be my boyfriend” you said, snapping at him.

“Boyfriend? Nope, I’m not your boyfriend” he said with venom, as he downed the last of the amber liquid in the glass bottle. “Boyfriends are people you care about, and you honestly don’t give a fuck about me. So why should I care about you in return? You’re just a stupid liability that I have to deal with, and one that I can’t seem to get rid of.”

You watched Dave drink, knowing what was in store for you tonight. When Dave drank, he usually became violent with you. It was a standard routine that the two of you had, and one you were honestly sick of. You wanted out, that was for certain. You wanted to get as far away from this piece of shit guy as you could.

In order to cope and deal with the fact that you hated your life, and that you wanted out and away from Dave, you took another job. You were smuggling goods secretly on the black market of the QZ and Joel Miller was the man that you were working with. Tess, Joel’s partner, had approached you after she had seen bruises on your arms during your normal QZ job. Dave usually never gave you any bruises that people could visually see. But something recently happened, and he no longer cared. So you walked around with bruises, where the world could see who you belonged to. When Tess saw this, it angered the hell out of her. So much so that she introduced you to Joel, in an attempt to help you earn enough money to get out and away from Dave.

“If you wanna get out of there, you come talk to me or Joel, and we’ll get you out, understand?” Tess said while working a shift with you. All you did was nod your head, but you didn't take her up on her offer until Dave broke your collarbone. That's the night you went to see Tess at home. She helped clean you up and then let you stay over.

When Joel got home he said “what’s she doing here?” while pointing at you.

“She's spending the night Joel, she got roughed up a bit and needed care.”

Joel approached you and lightly grabbed your chin, examining the bruise that was forming on the side of your lip. “Better get some ice on that darlin’ before it swells.” That night Joel slept on the couch and insisted that Tess and you took the bed.

You started doing odd jobs on the side for Tess and Joel. Joel never questioned you of why you wanted the side jobs. Just like he never questioned you of why you had bruises on your arms or hickies on your neck. The time you showed up with a swollen black eye though he said, “darlin’ it ain’t right what he’s doing, no guy is worth that.”

As Dave's anger increased, so did the extra jobs. Tess and Joel threw every side job they had at you in an attempt to help you get enough money to leave. Finally after months of pulling double shifts, you had enough money to leave. This made you happy as you no longer had to feel afraid of Dave anymore, but you were so wrong.

“You know what Dave, fine” you yelled snapping back at him. “I can’t keep doing this with you. I’ll just pack up my shit and-”

“Don’t flatter yourself Y/N, you know you ain’t leaving, where would you even go?” he said, baiting you.

“Anyplace other than with you Dave, so just fuck o-”

“Where you just about to tell me to fuck off?” Dave said, sneering at you. “Bad move honey. I may not be a genius, but I ain’t stupid. I found your extra stash of money, real sweet hiding it in a sock” Dave said while holding up the sock.

Dave reached in and grabbed the wad of money that you had earned. When he started the money on fire with a lighter you yelled “what the fuck are you doing Dave? My god, don’t burn that.” You lunged at the sock to try to put out the fire.

Dave kept pushing you back until all the money was burnt to ash. You fell to your knees defeated and angry that he'd take this last bit from you. You heard him laugh behind you saying, “think again sweetheart, you ain’t goin’ nowhere. Now get the fuck up.”

When you stood up you felt anger and bile rise up from the pit of your stomach. That was almost a year's worth of pay down the drain. You had pulled extra shifts, did side jobs, sometimes almost died, trying to save up enough money to leave. You put up with Dave’s shit, allowing him to mark you with his mouth when you hated the very sight of him, just so you could get up and do another job for cash. Now the asshole burned it up like ash, just so he could watch you seethe in anger. He didn’t care if he had extra money, money meant nothing to Dave. Power is what Dave craved. If money that you earned was going to take his power away from him, he'd burn it up just to make sure you'd lose all control.

When you turned around you didn’t care about playing nice anymore. When you first got to know Dave, you thought that he was someone who cared. You quickly found out that was a lie. “You’re an asshole” you yelled, smacking him hard across the face. As soon as you smacked him you watched his eyes glaze over, and then the other side of him came out.

“Ok, fine bitch. You wanna play like that, then let’s fucking play like that.” Your vision blurred as Dave hit you across the face. You then felt him hit you again, and again, and again, and again. When his one hand got tired, he then switched to the other but this time with a closed fist. You tried to fight back, but the more you struggled, the more he pinned you down on the ground. With both of his knees on either side of your arms, you couldn’t move. You eventually tried to relax, knowing that the more you fought the worse it was going to be. But this didn't stop him.

“You know,” Dave said, “I think I’m just gonna just take what I need this time from you. You seem to always run your fucking mouth off, saying you want to be my girlfriend, so why not take what's mine, right?” You then felt the rip of your jeans beneath you. You tried to fight him off, realizing what he was after, and what he was going to do. Dave and you had never had sex, and that was something that he always hated.

“Dave you can’t, please, don’t. I’ll stay. Just don’t do that, don’t take that from me” you yelled as tears streamed down your face as you tried to fight him off. You fought for your life, because honestly it felt like this was it. But the more you fought the angrier he got until you felt the snap of your ankle, and then the searing pain that went with it. He broke your ankle so you couldn’t run away. You then felt him take his knife and cut you deep on your thigh, right up by your mound as he said “gonna make sure this is deep enough, so you have a scar here forever to remember who the fuck you belong to.”

You tried to fight him, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t get him off of you. And then finally you felt it, the searing pain in your groin as Dave forced himself all the way into you. He took the last bit of innocence that you had, you were now truly broken.

You laid there crying, sobbing, wishing that death would take you. You must have been making too much noise because you felt Dave's hand on your mouth with a knife at your throat, yelling “shut the fuck up.” You thought ‘please, just cut me and let me die here’ as you heard Dave moan above you. He continued to take what he thought belonged to him.

“Fuck, why have you denied this to me for so long, huh?” he said. You knew it wasn’t a question that he wanted answered, it was just something he was saying. “Gonna do this every fucking day now with you, Jesus. Fuck, will you at least stop fucking crying and pretend to at least enjoy this” he said, as you felt another smack across your face. You turned your face away from him so only your bad eye was upright, the one he beat hard with a fist. You didn’t want to look at him with the side of your face that you could still see out of.

You laid there and tried to will the tears to stop, but they never did. You felt him tighten his hand around your throat as he squeezed the life out of it. “Fucking look at me, I know little lady you can still see out of one eye, not that fucking stupid. You look at who owns you, you hear me” he yelled, as he yanked your face towards him. When you looked up at Dave, you saw the monster that he truly was. Somehow in the last few years a man who was kind and gentle to you turned into someone who was this. You thought that maybe this was him all along. You tried to convince yourself of that as a way of coping.

As he continued you suddenly felt your head get dizzy from the lack of oxygen. You knew that you were done. That this was the day you were going to die. There was no more compassion in Dave’s face anymore, only a monster that was going to kill. You’ve seen this look in his eyes when he's killed other people before, so you knew you were next.

As you laid there accepting your fate you heard a deep voice yell “what the fuck are you doing, get the fuck off from her.” You saw Dave get yanked off from you by someone, but you didn't know who.

“Mind your own fucking business, old man” you heard Dave yell back in return. You then heard a struggle followed by three soft bangs of a gun. It was a gun that had a silencer on it, you knew this because it was sold on the blackmarket of the QZ, and Dave usually carried a gun with a silencer on it.

As you laid still you heard the person who shot the gun approach. At first you thought it was Dave, that he was coming back over to finish what he started. But when you heard the Texan drawl of “darlin’ are you ok?” the flood gates opened up and you fell apart. You knew that voice anywhere, the voice of Joel Miller.

Joel kneeled down by you as he gently sat you up. “Are you ok?” he said, looking you over to see what was all wrong. When he noticed the blood that was coming from in-between your legs, he shrugged off his flannel shirt, wrapped it around you and said, “ok, come on. Let’s get you outta here, and get ya cleaned up.” He then picked you up and carried you back to his house.

Once you were cleaned up Joel got you situated and laid you down on his bed. Tess wasn't home, she was out working according to Joel. In an effort to try to get you to sleep, Joel laid you on your side and tucked you tight into his chest. One leg went in-between your legs, and he slowly stroked soothing circles on your back saying “it’s okay honey, I got ya and nothing bad is ever gonna happen, just breathe.” He started humming that little tune that you’d come to know and love so well…Flashback end

Back to Regular Story

“y/n. Y/n. Y/N” you heard Joel yell, but it sounded muffled to your ears. The only thing that you could hear was the pounding of your heartbeat and the labored breathing that you were doing. “I can’t do this, he hates me, he wants to hurt me, I’m all alone" was all that you said out loud, still stuck someplace inside of your nightmare. You were drowning in anxiety, breaking out in a cold sweat, and not realizing that you were still in fact dreaming.

“Baby, wake up” Joel yelled, shaking you as he tried to get you out of the nightmare. You haven’t had this kind of a nightmare for a long time, and this fact burned hot in Joel’s chest. He didn’t want you remembering the past, remembering the night that he killed Dave. He knew that’s the nightmare you were having because you always said words like “please don't take that Dave, don't cut me. I'll be good, I promise” and finally you'd yell “please just kill me, I wanna go home,” like you were doing right now. If that son of a bitch was still alive, I’d kill that motherfucker yet again, Joe thought to himself.

Joel was rubbing your arms and trying to wake you up as you started to thrash in the sheets. “Baby come on, come on honey it’s me, you gotta wake up” he said, feeling his heart ache at you trying to run away in your dream with your eyes still closed. All of a sudden you sat up in bed and let out a blood curdling scream, clothes drenched slick with sweat, and body shaking all over. As soon as your eyes flew open you saw Joel was sitting upright, right in front of you. He grabbed you and held you saying “baby I’m here, I'm here. You’re safe. No one’s hurting you. It all was just a bad dream honey, all of it. It was just a bad dream.”

“Joel” you said, shaking, touching his face, not believing that it was really him and that he was there. “Dave, he, he-”

“Shhh baby, c’mere, I gotcha honey, I gotcha” Joel said while wrapping his arms around you and tightly holding you against his chest. “He’s gone baby, he’s gone. Shhh.” Joel felt the tremors and aftershocks go through your entire body, up your spine, as you came down from your nightmare. Joel slowly rocked you back and forth, and side to side, humming to you and reassuring you that you were alright.

"Baby, can you look at me." Joel said with the gentlest voice, after humming to you and rocking you for a while. When you opened your eyes you saw him look at you with the softest eyes. Your lip quivered hard as your tears kept falling. Why are men cruel, why do they always hurt me, and why can't anyone love me? you thought to yourself. What you didn't realize was that you voiced your thoughts out loud, and Joel heard them. You tried to calm yourself down, but your throat burned. After taking a few breaths to steady yourself you felt the world start to spin on its axis. Your heart raced and you felt the sob that you were trying to hold back escape your mouth.

"Oh baby, c’mere." Joel said as he grabbed your head and tucked you into the crook of his neck. He started humming to you that song again that you knew so well, the one he hummed that first night to you.

"It-it’s so beau-beautiful. Wh-what song is that?" you asked as you slowly finished crying yourself out.

"I used to hum it to Sarah when she was little. It's a song I wrote before she was born." Joel said as he wrapped his arms tighter around you, holding you firmer to his chest to protect you.

"It truly is beautiful, Joel."

"Yeah she is beautiful. She's right here in my arms, and she's all mine." Joel said while he rubbed your back.

"Joel I-"

Joel pulled back and cupped your face in his large callused hands while slowly swiping your tears away. "Y/n, let me get this out first baby, okay? I care so much about you baby, truly I do. It destroys me to see you like this. That fucker, Dave, he’s gone. Ya hear me? You gotta stop letting him in like this. No more baby, ok? Now c’mere.”

Joel then laid you down on the bed and tucked you into him, the same way he did that first night. “I'm not him mama, I never have been.” Joel continued to brush your tears away while whispering in your ear "stop cryin' baby. You forever have a home with me, for as long as you want it, Ellie too.”

“But for how long” you say muffled into his chest. Joel pulled you away and looked at you to continue, not understanding what you meant.

“How long do I have a home Joel? Am I gonna be the roommate that gets to watch you bring women back to your house and fuck them in your bed? Is your bed ever going to be our bed, or am I just the person you're forced to be with? Am I just a fucking doormat that you hurt over and over again Joel, someone you fucking forget because you're too afraid of feeling something. ‘She's too young, he's too old, you can't be together, it's wrong.’ It'll be worse than David. You're gonna hur-hurt me w-worse than he did. Why can't you just love me?" There it was, in the broken silence of the room, that you told Joel your biggest fear.

Joel couldn't believe it, that you didn't understand his feelings for you. You weren't a doormat, and he sure as hell wasn't that good for nothing David. "Baby, you ain't ever gonna be a doormat, ok. I honestly don't give a fuck what people think if we're together. They can all just fuck off if they don't like it, including my brother Tommy. You and Ellie, you're my whole life, and nothing is ever gonna change that" Joel said, holding you tight to his chest.

After holding you tight for a few minutes he then pulled back and said “I'm committed to being yours, ya hear me? Fuck mama, you feel that" he said while slowly grinding his hard bulge into your pelvis. You both let out a low moan at the sensation. The two of you were both so worked up from this back and forth edging that has been happening that any little friction sent you both over the edge into wanting to fuck the other person bad.

While looking at you, Joel adjusted the angle of his pelvis and ground down a little more into you. You could feel his entire outline of his cock right now, and God he felt good, and was rock hard. "You do this to me mama, just you. No one else. So quit your fussin' about it. Ya hear me? It's only you that I want in my fucking bed and no one else" he said with another delicious grind of his hips.

“It's you that I want.” *hip grind* “It's you that makes me happy.” *hip grind* “It's you that I wanna spend my life with.” *hip grind* “And it's you that I wanna fuck.” And with that admittance Joel crashed his lips into yours and kissed you with a deep hunger that he felt for you. As he skimmed your bottom lip, you opened your mouth to grant him easy access.

You both were so worked up that you couldn't stand it anymore. “Baby please” you panted. “Please, Joel, please.”

Hearing you say his name all wanton and needy like that unlocked something deep within his body. He had a primal urge now to have you. Joel quickly grabbed your shirt and ripped it open, which sent the buttons flying everywhere. He didn't care though, he desperately needed you.

Joel quickly started to devour your chest. Grabbing, sucking, and biting your nipples in a heated frenzy. He grabbed one of your legs and hitched it higher up on his hip to open you up. In a heated mess, Joel grabbed your thigh by the permanent scar that David had left. He dug his fingers into it while whispering in your ear “I'm gonna fucking mark you as mine properly, baby.” And that's when he felt it, you froze and started breathing erratically.

Joel slowly pulled back, realizing what he just did. He looked at you and saw a mixture of want and fear across your face. He just realized that you weren't fully out of your nightmare in your head. “Baby, I- I didn't mean it the way that came out.”

“I know” was all you said, taking a slow shaky breath.

“Fuck” Joel groaned as he sat up, dragging a hand down his face at his fuck up that he just did. “You know, I'd love a fucking smoke right about now” he said out loud, more to himself than you.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Joel asked.

“Why do you wanna have a cigarette now? Don't people usually smoke after sex, not when this shit happens” you say, jestering in-between the two of you.

“I don't know, maybe cause I'm embarrassed and now nervous.”

“Wh-”

“Are we now playing 20 fucking questions, y/n. Jesus.” Joel said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“No Joel we're not” you snap. “I'm just trying to understand and salvage this fucking night. So why did you stop?”

“I think that's pretty obvious by the look you're still giving me.”

“What look?”

“Jesus, we are playing 20 questions. Y/n, just-”

“So help me God Joel, if you fucking tell me to leave it or drop it I swear to God, that the knife that is on your side of the bed will be stuck in your damn heart. So unless you wanna truly die tonight, I suggest you fucking start talking.” you said, snapping hard at Joel.

Joel looked down at you with a smirk on his face. There was that attitude that he knew and loved from you. Your anger and frustration was like an amazing fire, one that if Joel wasn't careful, would burn him to death. But the longer he sat there tonight, looking at you, the more he truly didn't care. He'd welcome the chance to get burned by your flames tonight. At least it’d make him feel alive, and that's something that he hasn't truly felt for a long time.

“I'd like to see you try it” Joel said, bending down to whisper close to you. “I don't think you have the fucking guts to do it.” As the stare down between Joel and you continued, you noticed that Joel widened his smirk. “Just as I thought,” he said, “you don't have the guts. You're all talk, and no fucking do y/n. And I'm not surprised. I honestly thought that you'd have the guts to do what you needed to do to survive. Apparently I was wrong.”

Joel knew he was playing a deadly game with you. But he didn't care, he wanted to snap you out of this problem you kept having thinking that you weren't good enough for him. So if he had to bite hard and yank hard on the Lion's tail to get a reaction, then that's what he was going to do. After a brief moment of hesitation, Joel saw something snap inside of you. In a blink of an eye he watched your calm exterior morph into something like an intense rage. You flung yourself on him and grabbed his knife. The two of you wrestled for a moment until Joel was finally on his back, his hands up in surrender as you held the knife to his throat.

Joel laid there with blown out pupils watching you. This form of anger turned him on, and made his dick twitch in his pants. Apparently you did have the balls to take him on. As Joel laid there he watched your outer exterior falter, and watched you start to second guess yourself. “Do it,” Joel said. “Y/n if you're gonna do it, don't think about it, just do it” he growled.

“I-I” you said, shaking your head.

“Come on baby, just do it” he said, looking at you with concern in his eyes as yours welled up with tears. “Baby, if you think that all men are like Dave, then fucking slice my throat. Let me go see my daughter, let me have my baby girl back. Just do it.” To emphasize his point Joel grabbed your wrist and pushed the knife into his neck more, but not where it was cutting him yet.

“Why?” you sobbed holding tight to the knife, but not letting go. “Why beg me, why not just do it yourself if you don't want to be here? Why do you need me?”

When Joel looked into your soft eyes it was then that he knew you couldn’t see it. That you couldn’t see that he loved you. He didn’t want to open his heart and say those three little words yet, but he felt it. He loved you. But he, himself, was also drowning in emotion at this fact, just like you were.

“Baby, if you can’t see why, then I’ve really fucked up. If ya can't see why I want you darlin’, then I don’t deserve you in my life. I’m not Dave honey, I never have been, nor ever will be. If you can’t see that then please honey, just let me go and see my daughter. I don’t want to be in a world where you think I’m a fucking monster. Please.”

Joel could see the war that was going on in your head, the struggle of wanting to say that every guy was like Dave and then not. You knew that Joel was nothing like Dave, but still you couldn't be sure. Joel was moody, quiet, and sometimes cold. But even in the coldest of moments Joel still found compassion for you. He looked out for you and even protected you by killing Dave, when Dave attempted to take everything from you. Truth is, you were scared to death. You were scared to death to give yourself completely to someone else for fear that he'd do exactly what Dave did. That he'd lie and then destroy you.

As you sat there straddling Joel, holding the knife to his throat, you felt a horrible burn collect in the back of your throat. Eventually you couldn't hold it in any longer and a horrible sob escaped your mouth. Your mind was fighting hard to break free from the abuse that had happened from Dave.

Joel could see you struggle with these emotions, as you wore them plain as day on your skin, unable to hide them. When Joel felt your grip on the knife falter he gently grabbed you and flipped you on your back. “I don’t want to be in a world where you hate me darlin’” Joel said, while putting the knife down and grabbing your hip to hitch it higher to open you up. He slowly moved his one hand down to trace the outline of your slit through your panties, his other hand held your hands above your head.

“You're denched, baby” Joel whispered as he rested his forehead against yours while slowly circling your clit on the outside of your panties. “I don’t want to live in a fucking world where someone else gets to touch this mama.” Joel slowly moved from your clit down to the center of your weeping hole and then back up to your clit.

“Fuck baby, I need you” Joel said, panting at how turned on he felt. “Something tells me that you need me too” and with that Joel yanked your panties to the side as he crashed his lips onto yours. He quickly made fast work on your clit, alternating between feather light tickles to heavy circles.

“We're going to stop working each other up darlin’” Joel said, making fast work of your clit. “I can’t do it anymore baby. I fucking need you.” And with that admittance Joel deepened his kiss. You two sat like that. Joel overtop of you holding your wrists above your head, while he slowly licked into your mouth with his tongue. Meanwhile his other hand kept circling your clit, trying to give you release.

“Joel, please I need to-”

“I know baby, I know. Let it happen, honey. Trust me, I got you. Let go.” And with that Joel felt your clit swell then spasm hard as your back arched off the bed. You sobbed and bucked your hips up hard against his hand, chasing your high, moaning Joel's name. When overstimulation started Joel released your hands and started to just rock back and forth into you. Grinding his hard bulge into your drenched heat. Joel had removed his hand from your clit, and placed it on your head, to caress your head. He also continued to deepen his kiss in your mouth. The two of you sat there for several minutes, exploring each other's mouth while Joel slowly rocked his hips into you.

Joel kept rocking into you, showing you how much he cared, how much he loved you. He couldn't say the words yet to you, soon, I'll tell her soon, he thought. The longer he made out with you, the more you both started to pant. You moved your hand down and slid Joel's pants off his hips as you started rubbing his swollen member. “Aw darlin', fuck” Joel said when you wrapped your hand around his head and gently squeezed. “Please baby, don't tease. I can't, I can't, fuck mama, don't tease me,” Joel panted and begged you to continue.

“Baby, shhh” you said as you stilled your movements. You immediately heard Joel groan in frustration, with his eyes closed, and his forehead touching yours. “Don’t worry baby, I’m gonna take real good care of you.” With looking down at Joel you noticed that he was throbbing hard against your hand. “Jesus Joel, does that hurt baby?” you asked running your thumb gently over the swollen reddened tip. As you did you heard Joel let out a hiss at the sensation. “I’m gonna take care of this baby, I’ll make it feel better” you cooed, slowly stroking him again.

“God please” Joel begged, breathless, panting hard when he looked into your eyes.

“What? What do you need Joel, tell me honey and I’ll do it.”

After a few more slow twists of your hand at the reddened tip of his cock you heard Joel let out a strangled groan followed by a breathy “Don't. Fa-fucking. St-Stop.”

“I won't, baby, if you promise to use your fingers. Joel fingers- ah- f-fuck me with your fingers. I want them deep baby. I promise though, I won’t stop touching you” you said panting.

Joel quickly shifted and yanked your panties all the way down. He also quickly removed his shirt, and finished taking off his pants the rest of the way. He wanted to feel skin on skin contact with you. When he looked at you he saw that you had blown wide pupils. “Come here and let me fuck you with my hand, Joel” you said in a sultery voice.

“Fuck woman, if ya talk like that you’re gonna kill me” Joel said, panting and quickly getting situated back between your legs.

Joel and you quickly found a rhythm. You stroked him while he fingered you. Joel also explored you with his mouth, kissing you passionately. The longer it went, the more the two of you were panting heavily and rutting hard against each other.

“God Joel, baby I need-”

“What do you need darlin’, come on tell me- fuck” he said moaning as you stroked him faster.

“I need to come Joel, I need it so bad” you whined.

“You’re gonna cum for me darlin’, gonna give me another one?”

“Joel fuck, baby” you said as Joel pulled your leg up to widen you out for him. He reached deep within you at the spongy part inside and your eyes rolled back in your head with a long moan.

“Yeah mama, daddy knows where that fucking G-spot is. Come on baby, soak daddy’s fingers with that beautiful pussy. Pretend it’s my cock darlin’. Come on, soak ‘em” Joel said growling in your ear as he picked up the pace fucking you hard and fast in your drenched tight hole. He added a second finger and your eyes rolled back in your head, hand stumbling trying to stroke his cock fast through it.

“Joel I can’t” you said as you attempted to relax with pleasure, plus try to get him off.

“Let me do it mama, just hold your hand on my cock and I’ll do the rest. I’ll fuck your hand as I fuck this pussy full with my fingers. Pretend I’m inside of you baby, now come on, let daddy fuck ya good.”

Joel picked up the pace, rutting hard into your hand chasing his own high. “Fuck baby, god you feel so damn good, mama. I haven’t- fuck- I haven’t fucked myself since I came in that pretty little pussy last time” Joel admitted out loud.

“Oh baby, fuck. Right there. Joel, honey, you need to come. Damn it. Come on Joel, you need to come with me, I'm almost there. God, Joel. Blow your load on me, let me see it.”

“Filthy fucking woman” Joel growled, snapping his hand and hips hard into you. “Filthy fucking mouth, I’m gonna fuck that beautiful mouth real soon. Make you take my cock all the way back like you’re meant to. Fuck y/n, I’m close, you’re gonna need to come soon darlin’, I can’t wait much longer.” You felt Joel’s thrusts become sloppy in your hands, so you added a bit of pressure and started moving your wrist faster to get him there sooner.

“Fuck- babe. Shit, I’m gonna, fuck I’m gonna-” Joel said while putting his forehead against yours as he came with a loud groan.

“Come Joel, come for me baby” you said while you felt him swell and then release his cum all over your hand and stomach. You followed him over the edge with your own release, coating his fingers as he kept pumping them in and out of you.

When Joel finally found release he felt his vision go white as his balls drained of all his pent up anger, frustration, and energy that he had from not being able to come since the last time you two had sex. As he came he heard himself swearing while gently rocking back and forth into your hand as white rope after white rope of his seed came out of him. When his cock was finally spent, and he started to soften, he opened his eyes.

“Hey you” you said as you both came back down to Earth. “You ok, did I do that ok? Was I too-”

“Baby, stop. That was- fuck woman. That was amazing.” Joel said as he continued to slowly pant, trying to get his breathing under control.

“Good,” you said while kissing his forehead, “I’m glad you liked it.”

“How about you?” Joel said while picking his head up and slowly removing his fingers from your soaked cunt. “Did that-”

“Fuck Joel, that felt amazing” you said while laughing and blushing.

“Good baby, so glad to hear.” he said, giving you a slow kiss to your mouth. When he was done he rolled onto his back and slowly calmed his breathing.

“We’re a mess Joel” you said laughing at how soaked you and him were with both sweat and both of your releases.

“Give me a minute for the blood to go back to my brain honey, and then I’ll get up and get us a towel to clean up with.”

“Has it really been that long for you? That you haven’t come since we had sex in the woods a few months back?” you asked while you gently nudged him.

“I said that out loud? Fuck” Joel said with a groan. “Yeah baby, it is, or was,” he said while sitting up and slowly standing up. Joel exited the room and went to the bathroom to clean up. After he was done cleaning himself up he came in with a wet washcloth and a dry towel and slowly cleaned you up. When he was finished he placed them in the dirty clothes pile, making a mental note to make sure he washed them in the sink with soap and water later.

He laid down next to you in bed, still panting as he slowly came down from his high. He only had his pajama pants on, and not his t-shirt. You had already grabbed his t-shirt and had put it on. “C’mere” he said while pulling you close to him and tucking you on your side, against his chest.

As you laid there and listened to him breathing, you heard that it was starting to slow and even out. “Did you mean what you said?” you gently whispered into the night.

“About what?” Joel said, with sleep lacing his voice.

“That I’m not a doormat, that you want me to stay with you, and that you only want me in your bed?” After Joel didn't respond you said “just forget that I-”

With a sigh Joel said, “Baby.” When you didn’t acknowledge him, he gripped you tighter saying “y/n.” Finally when you looked up at his face you saw that he was looking down at you seriously. “I meant every fucking word that I said. You're not a doormat and you belong in this bed with me, and only me. Now go to sleep.” Joel then tucked you into him once again.

After a moment you said in the darkness “I love you Joel” and with that, you fell asleep. When Joel knew that you were sleeping he also said out loud “I love you too sweetheart, always have and always will.” Joel knew that he had to tell you soon that he loved you. But this admission in the dark, when you were softly sleeping in his arms, was good enough for now. As sleep finally took Joel he thought to himself I love you and you’re forever mine.

That was the first night the both of you had a decent night's sleep since this whole thing started. You both were wrapped up tight in each other's arms, not letting go, locking the world out for just one night. If you could describe the feeling you both felt, that feeling would be home. You felt like you were at home, safe in each other's arms. And that was something worth fighting for.

-End chapter-

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow @staywildflowahchild @ratoonstown @l3laze @its-always-420-on-the-moon @kirsteng42

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vidavalor · 5 months

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Do you think Aziraphale has a raging praise kink in addition to his 'food' and 'Crowley watching him do stuff' kinks? *hands you a box of spiced apple muffins, along with the recipe: https://www.hairybikers.com/recipes/view/spiced-apple-muffins*

Hi @jotun-philosopher! A recipe!!! I'm so excited. The website you shared is quite interesting. I'll have to make these on the other side of my holiday food as they look delicious. Do I think Aziraphale has a raging praise kink? Oh, yeah. Raging might be an understatement lol.

Praise kink and trauma thoughts under the cut.

In S2, we go from Lord Beezlebub paralleling Aziraphale, missing their Crowley (Gabriel) while in Hell, and musing that it'd be nice if someone ever told them they were doing a good job over to Aziraphale doing some difficult trauma work in Edinburgh and calling Crowley to talk to him about it. What goes a little undersung here, imo, is the way this is filmed and how Aziraphale can't stop talking about 1827 to a point that Crowley actually has to prompt him into telling him what he learned at the pub about Gabriel. This is because while Aziraphale-- who really didn't need to go to this cemetery at all for any reason related to figuring out what happened to Gabriel-- has been back to Edinburgh since 1827 (Crowley mentions him going to Edinburgh "for the festival" in 1.01), he's never been back to this spot since the night Crowley was yanked to Hell in front of him.

When we come in on Aziraphale at the cemetery, it's right off of that scene in the 1827 flashback and then we watch Aziraphale turn around again, now in the present, right? It's that he does have to turn around that's pretty significant. It says that he's not here because he thought maybe seeing Gabriel's statue again might give him some random insight as to what's happening to Gabriel in the present. He wasn't looking at the statue at first-- we come in on him looking at the spot where Crowley was taken.

Crowley and Aziraphale are in a place between S1 and S2 where Armageddon: Round Two could theoretically happen at any time. They have no idea if it's happening in five years or next Thursday or in an hour, really, and that's made the fact that Aziraphale has really never gotten over 1827 worse for him, to a point that it now bothers him to be away from Crowley for any significant length of time, especially if they've been arguing, because he's always worried that something will happen while they're apart and he'll never see him again. He spent almost a month (estimated by the dates in his diary) in 1827 thinking that had happened. He does some work on that in Edinburgh by deciding to go to the spot again and, when he does, he has to magically get the nearest cell phone so he can talk to Crowley from the spot because he knows that hearing his voice will help.

By telling Crowley that he's looking at the statue of Gabriel, we get in his knowledge that Crowley will understand the significance of this (and in Crowley's response indicating that he does) that they've talked about this at some point. There are other suggestions of that in the season (like the "I'm coming back. I won't leave you on your own" moment) but this phone conversation says that Aziraphale has verbalized to Crowley at some point how much 1827 still bothers him and Crowley understands that Aziraphale is telling him that he's taking a step towards trying to deal with it more.

(This is also an example of Aziraphale having done something clever and needing to call Crowley to tell him about it before he pops lol, which he's apparently been doing a lot lately since he no longer can get a pat on the back from Heaven, not that he ever did much, which is part of the whole damn problem. One could then perhaps presume that Crowley's been doling out a lot of praise over the phone of late, in addition to in person.)

So Crowley responds to Aziraphale telling him that he's in the cemetery in Edinburgh and looking at the Gabriel statue/trying to deal with 1827 by doing what they do sometimes-- cheer each other up from some depressing stuff about the past with a little of some of each other's favorite sexy chat.

This is basically a mirror in reverse of the scene in S1 in the car on the way to Tadfield where Crowley tells Aziraphale more about the antichrist baby swap and how it went wrong. Crowley was feeling depressed about the whole mess and how Armageddon was imminent now as a result of it and Aziraphale's response was to pivot to what was, effectively, dirty talking him in blasphemous Bible speak euphemisms in a dry-as-all-fuck, combination Pompous Angel/mildly soft dom tone because Crowley's sooooo weak for that lol. (I'm talking about the "seeds of destruction" scene, the dirtiness of which is probably a whole other meta, since we're mostly talking about Aziraphale here.)

Aziraphale's version of that is a massive praise kink. He looooves being told he's good at something or he did a good job or really just anything related to him and goodness, since Heaven's done a number on him and he struggles sometimes to fundamentally believe that he is good, which is lunacy but so are negative thought cycles in the first place. The praise thing with Crowley isn't unhealthy-- I'm not suggesting that. Aziraphale's negative thought cycle is unhealthy, obviously, but the praise kink thing with Crowley is actually not a terrible counter to it. It's obviously not the entire solution to dealing with Heaven's abuse of him but it is also doesn't hurt that Aziraphale believes Crowley and values what he thinks, which can help break up negative thoughts.

It exists both in and out of bed and Crowley was intentionally blending that over the phone in the Edinburgh scene by responding to Aziraphale being like I did the really hard trauma work thing we were talking about today and I'm still here go me with the kind of praise you'd give someone for doing something that was tough ("good job") but delivered low and with the little "mmrmm" before it, which was to associate it with, uh, other kinds of praise Aziraphale has elicited from Crowley before, by way of also invoking Aziraphale's Assorted Rumbly Crowley Sounds Kink as well.

Aziraphale undoubtedly heard it and replied around it, like he was doing with most of Crowley's flirting with him in S2, because driving Crowley slowly insane is also Aziraphale's favorite past time. It was made funnier by the fact that he left Crowley in London to get The Shop Lesbians together, explain The Vavoom to a memory-wiped Jimbriel, answer any questions about love for the Inspector Constable angel Heaven sent to spy on them, and fix Shax's "hot water boiler" so The Love Doctor was in and getting no love himself lol. Crowley's comment wasn't meant to go anywhere anyway, really-- Gabriel was literally five feet away at the time, which was probably also amusing Crowley-- but yeah, I think the conscious, intentional way Crowley phrased that is meant to suggest that Aziraphale not only likes positive reinforcement in life in general but has a bit of a raging praise kink in bed, with which Crowley is very familiar.

#ineffable husbands #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #good omens meta #good omens 2 #aziracrow

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jays-therapist · 7 months

Text

I don't know if this a hot take or not but I really disagree with the idea that Yukio is jealous of Rin's power and physical strength? Rather, I think it's Rin's emotional strength that Yukio envies.

I have a lot to say about this lmao, so I'm just gonna put it all under the cut that way people who don't want to read this long ass analysis don't have to. Also, manga spoilers.

Blue Exorcist is a fun shonen manga because it measures strength outside of just "how hard can i punch this dude." Often, when characters talk about getting strong, they're talking about wanting to be mentally resilient; they want the ability to persevere, to be independent and face their fears/emotional turmoil on their own. Shiemi is a good example of this, I think. She constantly talks about being strong, but usually in the context of naviagting the world after living so long in isolation, and struggling to support her friends. Yes, she wants to get physically stronger, but at the core, she just genuinely wants to have a strong spirit (like a weed), and to be emotionally strong enough to help carry her friends' burdens.

Now, back to Yukio.

The biggest reoccuring theme in Yukio's jealousy is how he puts his brother on a pedestal, while constantly downplaying every good thing about himself (they both do this lol). You'll see this a lot in the examples I bring up.

There are four scenes I really want to focus on when discussing just how Yukio defines strength: his flashback in Chapter 29, his inner monologue in Chapter 37, his suicide attempt in Chapter 93, and That Time He Shot Rin in the Head in Chapter 96.

In Chapter 29, Yukio has this five-page montage of flashbacks, depicting specific moments where he felt both admiration and envy for Rin. And each of these moments highlight Rin's empathy, his care-free behavior, his kindness, his ability to inspire others, his desire to protect his little brother. Not his habit of setting things on fire.

This is important because Yukio fundamentally believes that he is not a good person. He believes he is not kind, selfless, or brave. When he, as a child, cries because he can't adopt a puppy he wanted, he's envious that Rin is just happy to see the puppy in a nice home. When his brother rushes to save him from bullies, Yukio's upset that he couldn't do it on his own, that his brother feels he is so weak he can't even take care of himself.

From Yukio's perspective, these are examples of Rin either outshining him inherently or looking down on him. No matter how strong Yukio gets, he will never not be able to feel bad for himself when the puppy is given to a different family. He will never be able to prove to his brother that he can do things on his own. He was born with this weakness and he can't seem to kill it. He can't win, and he hates it.

In Chapter 37, after defeating the Kraken, Yukio and Rin have a little heart-to-heart. Here, we see Yukio's true feelings towards Rin's claims of "surpassing him", which is that Rin already does. Yukio feels that if anyone needs to surpass anyone, it's him. He will always come up short where it counts, whenever he needs to let things go or be more empathetic. Yukio is strong of body, but weak of spirit.

So, with this in mind, when Yukio falls to his knees in Chapter 93 and says, "I was weak, and I couldn't get any stronger," he doesn't mean, "damn. wish i could've harnessed the demon power in my eyes to blow shit up." No, he's admitting defeat. He tried so hard to be strong, both physically and mentally but especially mentally, and he failed. He couldn't carry burdens like his father and brother could, like his friends could. He was cruel and cowardly. He hurt people he loved, and as long as he continues to live, he will keep hurting the people he loves.

What is strength to Yukio? It's resilience. It's taking risks. It's independence. It's Rin.

(Or at least, how Yukio sees Rin. As I've said before, he likes to put Rin on a pedestal.)

In contrast, weakness is cowering. It's waiting for someone else to solve the problem. It's hurting good people who haven't faulted you. It's Yukio.

That leads us to Chapter 96, and this---

This is kind of the crux of it all. Yukio is suffocating on his own perceived weakness and seeking to escape it. Here, Yukio is burning every bridge (the fact that this is literally taking place on a bridge is pretty ironic) that could possibly allow him to return to the Order to ensure he does what he needs to do. To be strong, he needs to be independent. To be independent, he needs to be alone. He can't let his brother solve all of his problems anymore.

So, like. Yeah. In conclusion, I think Yukio is heavily inspired by his brother's strength of character, just as much as he feels abased by it, and that's why his ideas of strength steer closer to broader concepts like bravery and self-determination rather than "let's hit the gym and summon Satan." He uses physical strength as a mask to conceal his perceived emotional weakness.

#i hope this made sense lol #Idk i see a lot of posts saying that Yukio's jealous of Rin’s demon powers or whatever and i think that's dumb #it seems more like he wants to be his brother's equal (or even someone Rin looks up to) and he fails to realize that he already is #anyway. this post is long as fuck. I should start tagging these as something #al yells #blue exorcist #yukio okumura #haven't made a long post about Yukio in *checks watch* one day time to make another one

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basicallyjaywalker · 4 months

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Wanna ramble about a moment/character in ninjago you think people need to talk about more?

I don't know who you are anon, but I'm glad you asked!

I am desperate for people to character-analyze Wu. I'm desperate for a lot of character analysis including Nya but since I got a lot of my Nya feelings out with some lovely folks the other night (edit: the other night was a month ago dw about it. this took a minute) I'm going with Wu this time

Master Wu to me is such an interesting case of a character who it is so easy to ignore the bits of the show that hint at his wider issues and traumas. He is a man defined heavily by his family and by his past. A lot of criticism he gets, I think, is due in part to that.

I've mentioned before that I've been rewatching S1 with a friend of mine and intermittently pausing to infodump on them about interesting character things I notice from that season. A lot of that has been Wu-focused because despite having seen RotS dozens of times throughout my life (watching it on CN, watching it on Netflix when only it and Legacy were around, rewatching it with friends) I have only just started noticing the seeds of character written in.

I might also just be reading too much into things, but hear me out

In S1 (and by extension, the pilots), Wu is characterized as your typical old wise teacher. In the first few minutes of EP1: Rise of the Snakes, he is chewing out the Ninja for playing video games instead of training. The line he uses? "Never put off until tomorrow what can be done today."

It's a line that gets repeated throughout the series. In fact, it gets repeated that very episode when the ninja go (pun not intended) to fight the Hypnobrai and a literal pre-teen. At first, it seems to just be a piece of wisdom. Some old proverb Wu's picked up over the years, possibly one he even coined himself. However, in EP7: Tick Tock, Wu tells the story of who, possibly, first told him this.

(Source: Tick Tock/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom, highlight added.)

It was Garmadon. Now, I'm not gonna dwell too long on Garmadon, if you spend five minutes talking to me you'll learn he was the first character whose story I obsessed over and I want this essay to be about Wu, but I think he plays a role in Wu's overall story, as does Wu's family as a whole.

Prior to this, Wu and Garmadon's relationship has been more of a sibling rivalry taken to a good vs. evil extreme. We didn't know why Garmadon was evil and we didn't know about Wu and his relationship as kids. However, this scene establishes the backstory. They were, as Wu puts it, "the best of friends." That is, until Garmadon gets bit by the Devourer going to get the katana Wu lost.

Now, I know the Devourer bite was destined to happen because of the Overlord or some shit, but Wu doesn't. As far as he's concerned, Garmadon getting bit was a direct consequence of both his mistake and his cowardice. He lost the katana. He was too scared to get it. Garmadon went over instead. Garmadon got bit.

The scene goes on to show the FSM tending to Garmadon in the aftermath. Wu is watching from behind the door, likely told to stay back, but concerned. And in his POV, we get this intense moment, where Garmadon turns, looks directly at him (his eyes turning bright red for the first time), and says "It's all Wu's fault!"

(This clip should begin at the start of Wu eavesdropping. If it doesn't, skip to 0:58. I highly recommend also paying attention to Wu's body language during this scene.)

The camerawork does a great job of showing how this probably felt for Wu. It zooms in, Garmadon's voice echoes, and the background blurs. We see in the flashback that this is a moment Wu has etched into his memory. Not to mention, he was likely a very young child when this happened. LEGO characters' ages are weird, but Wu in this scene has the Big Eyes, which always seem to be used for characters under 12. We don't know exactly how much older Garmadon is to my knowledge, but he doesn't have the Big Eyes, so he's probably closer to 12 and a few years older than Wu for sure.

Imagine that. Being in elementary school and your older siblings gets hurt. They're acting strange. They're lashing out at your father. Then, they blame it all on you. They're hurt because of you. Wouldn't you internalize that?

I could go on about Wu's relationship with Garmadon, but again, I think I've spent enough time on it and I don't want to only focus on that. It's an important part, but there are others.

Let's talk about Wu's relationship with his dad.

Now, I have not yet read the Spinjitzu Brothers series. I cannot speak to any development of Wu and the FSM's relationship in there. I have, however, read The Book of Spinjitzu and blogged some of my thoughts on it here, including some of what it says about Wu.

For those who haven't read it, first, there is a Google Drive folder floating around with all of the canon spinoff books/graphic novels in it. Here's the link if you wanna read them!

The FSM is an... intriguing figure. I mean, in the series he's basically god? He made the entire world. That's already a very high bar to live up to. Then, in Book of Spinjitzu, there's a few specific parts that, when I read them, signaled that Wu internalized a specific message when he was young.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, Page 3).

Wu does not want to disappoint his father. It is up to him (and Garmadon until he turns evil) to "uphold the legacy of Spinjitzu" and, by extension, his family. He says he was "very young" when this was explained to him. Considering he seems to already be training at an elementary age, "very young" means VERY young.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, Page 16).

Here, we again see Wu being very aware that he has some large burden to carry. Something else interesting here is that the thought of the Green Ninja Prophecy is already weighing on him too. His considering if he might be the Green Ninja is of extra interest because of how the Green Ninja Prophecy and the--I wouldn't call it obsession, possibly fixation?--with who it is factors into his later actions, but we'll get to that later.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, Page 19).

This one in particular gets me because it comes after Wu mentions Garmadon becoming more evil. It is a statement of power. Wu knows that the legacy of Spinjitzu now rests in his hands alone. He cannot let himself fall the way Garmadon did. He cannot disappoint his father. Whether or not the FSM intended it, Wu always knew the fate of the world rested, at least in part, upon his shoulder. He knew this from the time he was a young boy and it remains in his mind to this day.

Now, these quotes are indirect, but they all point to one clear idea: As a child, Wu internalized the idea that he alone is responsible for keeping Ninjago safe. He will play a pivotal role in its history.

There's not evidence in this book that the FSM's was a bad father, per se. However, just because one doesn't set out to harm their children, doesn't mean they won't. I often say Wu has an "Atlas complex," which I have no idea if it is an actual concept but use it to refer to this idea. Wu feels as though he is responsible for holding up the world, much like Atlas. He must keep the balance, he must solve the Green Ninja prophecy, he must make his father proud.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, page 61).

I'm going to get further into what this means for Wu as a teacher to the current Ninja Team, but for now let's look at Wu's first foray into teaching.

Morro. Wu's Biggest Mistake.

That might seem like an overstatement, but it's not.

(Source: Ghost Story/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom)

Okay he says regret, not mistake, but I was paraphrasing.

Let's turn back to his quote about his destiny. Wu writes, "Is my life's mission to be the Green Ninja? Or maybe it will be to find the Green Ninja and protect him (or her)??"

From a very young age, Wu was not only aware of the Green Ninja but prophecy but also thinking about his place in it. We see this again when he takes Morro in and trains him.

(Source: Ghost Story/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom, highlight added)

A big thing Wu is criticized for here is making Morro believe he is meant to be more. That he is the Chosen One. And Morro, being a young homeless orphan just now given some semblance of power and protection, latches onto that. And I can see it, but when you take into account the above that he was trained from (likely) a younger age than Morro and given a similar level of responsibility, it becomes more understandable. Wu is just doing what he was taught. He doesn't believe that he is harming Morro until it is too late.

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This is the entire story, but I'm specifically going to be discussing 1:36 onwards here. I also wanted to add that rewatching this scene made me lay down on the floor! What the fuck! But I digress.

There's a lot going on in this scene. For one, Wu washing his hands of Morro in some ways, but not others. He turns his back on Morro when he tells him that destiny has decided, but looks at him again when Morro storms out. He goes to save Morro from the Grundal, but decides that he cannot "teach those who would not listen." Most importantly, when Morro leaves to go find the Tomb of the FSM, Wu leaves the door open. He waits for Morro to return, but never goes after him. And Morro never comes back.

Wu gives Morro's fate a dismissive response at the end of his ghost story ("I am saddened he was banished to the Cursed Realm") but it's clear he still cares deeply about him in the finale of the season.

youtube

Wu's VA in this is phenomenal btw. That "Please Morro!" and "MORRO!" make my heart ache.

Morro believed Wu stopped caring, but he didn't. Even after all he's done, even after trying to destroy all of Ninjago--destroying what Wu had spent his life trying to protect--Wu tries to save him. He begs for Morro to come with him. Morro refuses, Wu watches him perish.

Someone else Wu is close to is gone. Wu again considers himself responsible. Everything is his fault.

And finally, we reach Wu today. A cautious, secretive man. He loves his students, this much is clear. Even as early as the pilots, he drops his wise teacher persona to joke around with them.

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As with Morro, he trains them like his father did him. He even uses the same methods his father used when he trains them.

(Source: The Book of Spinjitzu, page 32)

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While he is hard on the Ninja, wanting them to succeed and training them to help defend the Realm, he lets his guard down more than it seems he did with Morro. He also learned a valuable message from his experience with Morro when he hides the Green Ninja Prophecy from the Ninja, getting angry when they start to push themselves in the same way Morro did upon learning about it. It's clear he doesn't want a repeat.

Now, I can't speak for later seasons (I will eventually) but this fear of repeats, his students going down a dark path because they're tempted by power or greatness, losing someone else, likely drives Wu not telling them other important information. That is just a passing thought though.

Final notes:

I'm currently in the process of rewatching S7: Hands of Time. I actually got this ask right after finishing EP68: Scavengers, which opens with Wu having a nightmare. In it, he and Misako are walking outside of Yang's temple. While walking, Misako delivers this line in response to Wu reminiscing about the time they've spent together:

(Source: Scavengers/Transcript | Ninjago Wiki | Fandom)

This line, to me, is Wu's subconscious trying to tell him something he needs to hear. It's hinting at what might be his greatest flaw. Wu is haunted by his past, by his mistakes. He finds it difficult to tell others because of both his guilt and his desire to not put that worry upon them. In this very season, he makes the mistake of trying to face his past on his own, and he nearly dies for it.

In the same episode, you see Wu trying to make sure Lloyd doesn't make the same mistakes.

(Source: Prev)

Wu stresses the important of the team. It's as if he sees Lloyd blaming himself for what happened to Wu, sees him doing the same thing Wu has, and is trying to prevent him from doing the same thing. This is further emphasized when, after Wu falls asleep (well, fakes falling asleep), Lloyd says "Wu's mistake was going in alone. So was mine."

Master Wu is, like many characters in this show, someone who is more complex than meets the eye. He is not just a wise, old teacher. He is a man who, throughout his life, has made mistakes and carries the weight of each of them on his shoulders. He is a man who tasks himself with making up for those every day. He is a man who wants better for his students, his family.

Until the day he dies, he will guide and protect his students. And possibly? Even after death too.

#ninjago #lego ninjago #master wu #long post #anon tag #this made my day i looooooooooooooove character analysis #i know a lot of what i post about it may not encompass the full series but i just think that makes it more fun tbh #i'm working with what i have and later i may come back to this and add even more things #i'm also very passionate about wu analysis as a former wu hater because i think the fact that his character stuff is so buried #leads to a lot of the hate #Why didn't he tell the ninja things? well he told morro things and look how that turned out #he grew up believing the weight of the world was on his shoulders #in one way or another #i won't lie and say the man does not make mistakes #but like i mention in s7 when he does he is fucking haunted by them #he is not breaking the generational trauma but he is damn well making an attempt for someone who probably doesn't realize he has it #p.s i tried to add image desc to each ss to make it more accessible but if i messed it up please let me know!#i spent way too much time on this #somebody do a word count i'm curious but too tired to copy this all into docs #falls over #part 2 of this is just the dark island trilogy but i think i'm gonna wait to do that #this took so long and the words are now refusing to words #thank you for reading #i need to take a nap after writing this I feel physically spent #please enjoy another rook branded ramble disguised as a comprehensive essay #other essayists bring you professionalism and academic vibes #i scream into the void and put way too many links o7 #happy birthday ninjago!!!! i finished this in honor of you hopefully it is worthy

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