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#i pray that azriel stays awake at night thinking of me
redbleedingrose · 1 year
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What’s your thoughts on Elain? 👀
OMG I think I could go on for hours tbh!!! This is such an interesting topic for me because I get such strong feelings and I am not sure why!!!! This is gonna be a whole essay, so you totally do not need to read all of this! 
I honestly do not like Elain! I don’t like her character, I DONT like her and Az together. and I do NOT like the way she treats Lucien. I have talked to my friends about this and I just cannot get over the fact that everyone in the IC treats Elain like a flower. She was def traumatized, but I feel like a lot of the IC (Rhys) shifts blame onto Nesta about how Feyre needed to hunt for their family. Elain didn’t do much to help Feyre, and from what I remember, was extremely close with Nesta before being introduced to the IC. I don’t think she was held accountable like she should have been.
I also think she lacks any character tbh, there is just not enough about her besides she likes gardening and is a see’er (or however you spell it) 
AND, I absolutely HATE that she treats Lucien like SHIT and then puts Azriel on a pedestal. I feel like Lucien has been through so much and I just feel so bad for him, like my heart aches. 
THE EXTRA CHAPTER FROM ACOSF HAD ME FUCKING SICK!!!! I FRL WAS SICK TO MY STOMACH!!! OMG AND I THINK THE SOLSTICE SCENE IN ACOSF HAD ME SICK TOO!!!!! Frl she just brushed Lucien off so easily, BUT THEN in the extra chapter, was thirsting after Azriel so hard. Especially when Lucien was upstairs sleeping or probably upset about Elain rejecting his gift like last solstice!!!
I read this one fanfic that was Lucien speaking to Elain and he goes, “You didn’t even give me the chance,” and idk who wrote it, but I totally agree. 
Maybe I say this out of jealousy, but I truly do not like Elain and Az together. I think Elucien should be endgame, and I think if SJM gave them the chance, they could be really really good together. I personally think that Az and Gwyn are meant to be. 
Anyway, sorry for this essay!!! But I love talking about this and you totally do not need to read this whole thing. Also if you don’t agree with me, that is totally okay!!!! I am just a jealous hoe who wants Az for myself!!!! 
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Unrequited pt. 2
azriel (acotar) x reader
*this is part 2! Sorry for the wait guys! I really struggled with this and low-key I don’t like it but I hope y'all do! I wanna write the scenes after this but idk how im gonna make it work lol. anyway, enjoy!
word count: 3193
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What you hadn’t realized was that Azriel left a few minutes later, walking to your apartment to make sure you had gotten home safe.
All of a sudden he heard whimpers and labored breathing coming from the alley.
Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of you laying on the ground and bleeding out. He felt a tug in his chest. A click. Panic instilled in him as he gently but swiftly picked you up and flew you to Madja.
“Hang on y/n, you’re so strong” he whispered
In those moments, he feared for you. Fear that was so strong. Something he had never felt before.
He rushed into the house laying you on the bed gently before he was shoved out by the Madja so she could try to save you.
Azriel alerted the others and then collapsed into a chair, sitting in silence. A tear slipped out of his eye at the thought he may have been too late to save you.
You. His mate.
Why, of all the times did the bond have to click while you were on the brink of death. In a situation where you may not make it out alive. It wasn’t fair.
He wondered if you had known. Could that be the reason why you had been distancing yourself from him? Because you didn’t expect or want him to be your mate? But if you had known you would’ve said something, right? You wouldn’t keep it a secret? So many thoughts kept racing through his head.
Could it have been because of Elain? He knew the inner circle wasn’t stupid, they all saw him drifting more and more to Elain. Could that have been why you had distanced yourself? He would be lying if he said he didn’t like Elain, but he would also be lying if he said he didn’t like you.
Your stubbornness. Your generosity. Your sense of adventure. The way you could get lost in the things you did.
Suddenly the door swung open and the others came into the room, worry written all over their faces.
Azriel could tell that Cassian and Mor had been crying on the way there.
“How bad is it?” Mor shook as she spoke. You could see the pain in her eyes. The worry she had for someone who was basically her sister.
Azriel’s expression was unreadable and he didn’t respond.
“Do you think she will make it?” Feyre asked, grief evident in her posture. “I- I don’t know” Azriel answered, “It was pretty bad,” he said quietly.
Just as he answered, Madja appeared from the other room. “She’s in rough shape, I don’t know if she’s gonna make it through the night. She lost a lot of blood.”
The room grew eerily quiet
“She’s stable for now, but I will stay here and notify you if any changes occur.”
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Rhys, Feyre, Amren, and Elain went back to the townhouse to try and get as much rest as they could. Mor, Cassian, and Azriel decided to stay in your room with you.
Tears started slipping from Cassian’s eyes once he saw your fraile body lying in bed, barely hanging on.
“Oh mother” Mor sobbed out, a hand slipping over her mouth. She went over to the bed you were on, gently sitting on it and grabbing to hold your hand. She leaned against the headboard and watched as your chest heaved.
The trio sat in silence for some time, watching your every move, your breathes, whimpers, and shifts.
Azriel broke the silence.
“She’s my mate. All this time and I never knew.”, the sentence coming out as a whisper.
Shock was painted on Mor’s face. “Y/n’s your mate? How di-? When?”
“It clicked when I saw her body lying there.” his voice started breaking “Why did it have to happen right now. Of all the times. Why couldn’t it have happened months ago. I could’ve had more time. This never would have happened. How do I move on from this?” his voice ending on a whisper.
“All you can do is hope to mother that she has the strength to pull through.” Cassian replied softly. “You know, this whole situation is so ironic.”, he said softly to himself, lightly shaking his head.
Azriel gave Cassian a look of confusion, wondering what he was talking about, but decided to drop it for now.
“Anyway, let’s try to get some sleep and pray the morning holds better news”
Mor had dozed off, back against the headboard and hand still holding yours. Cassian was sitting in the chair, head resting on the palm of his head, it still took him a few hours to fall asleep completely. Azriel, however, couldn’t sleep. The thought of sleeping while you laid like this. He felt guilty, the feeling that he may have been too late. For the rest of the night, Azriel sat in a chair next to your bed, shrouded in darkness, hoping you would be ok.
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Sunlight peeked through the sheer blinds over the balcony door. The faint sound of birds singing flowed through the air. Light shined onto your face, causing you to groan. Groggily, you opened your eyes, blinking to adjust to the light filling the room. Your head pounded and you winced as you shifted in bed.
“Y/n?” you heard a whisper. You mumbled in response. “Oh! Thank mother you’re alright! We were all so worried for you. Wait, let me call Madja now that you’re up.” Mor rambled on causing you to smile slightly. “CASSIAN!” she squealed “Wake up! Look! Y/n is awake!”
Cassian jumped to his feet at her shout. “Oh my god!” he ran over to your side “I was so worried, I’m so glad you’re alright” he said, taking your hand into his. “Let me go call the others, they’ve been waiting for an update.”
Soon after, the rest of the inner circle came over to your room to check in and Madja came to see how you were healing.
“That was quite the wound you had. Make sure to rest for the next two weeks. No buts, we don’t want this opening back up from stress or straining activity.”. You groaned at the thought.
“But I feel fine now, it’s not a big deal! I can go back to doing my duties in 2 days. I’ll be good as new.” you pleaded, trying to convince Madja and yourself. Before she could respond, Rhys cut in.
“You will do nothing of the sort. You just got stabbed for cauldrons sake, if i catch you trying to do anything remotely straining, i’ll lock you in your room and have Cassian stand guard in front of it”
“Fine” you grumbled out
“Now that everything is settled, i’ll be coming to check on you every few days.” Madja states before leaving
After a little more small talk was exchanged, the inner circle decided to leave you to rest a bit more, but promised they would visit you as frequently as they could.
Except, one person stayed behind.
Azriel.
“Can I talk to you?”
“Is something wrong?” you asked
After a hesitant pause his voice rang out. “We’re mates.”
You felt a blow to your chest. When did he find this out? As if Azriel had read your thoughts, he responded “Last night. After I found you.”
“Oh”
“But, Cassian said something, how it was ironic, and I can’t help but wonder how long you’ve known”
“I-, I told Cassian that we were mates yester-”
“But how long have you known y/n.” his voice quiet and sharp as a knife, as if tendrils of anger were waiting to escape
“Since the diplomatic mission Rhys sent us on”, you whispered. You could feel the tears threatening to fall from your eyes
“That was months ago and you didn’t think to tell me?” You could feel the anger in his voice
“I thought you would have figured it out sooner. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry” tears started falling from your eyes
“You knew and said nothing. Why didn’t you say anything? You should have said something” he seethed. His anger was unhinged, a drastic change for the usually calm and collected shadowsinger.
“If you didn’t want to be my mate just tell me. I’d be glad to be rid of the bond.”. As soon as he said it, he regretted it. His anger dissipated. He looked up and saw your face, tears streaming down.
“I see the way you look at Elain, Azriel. I’m not some stupid fucking female. How do you think it feels to see your mate all over someone else. I wanted to give you a chance to find your own happiness without me burdening you with this. And if we’re being honest, if you had to choose between me or her, you would choose her. I knew you would be disappointed by me. I knew you wouldn’t want to be my mate, that's why I didn’t tell you.” your anger started boiling up. “Do you think it feels good to be rejected, especially by someone you’ve loved for a long time? I didn’t want you to be disappointed that I was your mate, the person you’ve waited so long for.” your voice tapered off at the end. “Can you leave please” you said softly
“No, wait, I’m sorry I-“
“Azriel. Get out.” your voice boomed through the room.
He left reluctantly, softly shutting the door behind him. Just as the door shut, the sobs that you had been desperately trying to hold back broke free. Your body shuddered as you hugged yourself, crying yourself back to sleep.
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During the following weeks, you avoided Azriel at all costs. As soon as he walked into the room, you would walk out. Any required conversations were kept short. You did anything you could to keep your mind off of him, cleaning, errands, hell you did it all. It certainly didn’t help your recovery, but you did what you could to keep your mind busy and off of Azriel.
“Y/n stop please. You need to rest, how many times do we have to tell you. You’re only making the healing process longer” Mor ranted on.
“I’m fine, I doubt a wound, which is almost healed by the way, would be damaged by me doing chores” you emphasized as you rolled your eyes
“Maybe not by chores, but it is affected by your stress”
A moment of silence passed.
“He feels terrible, you know, he didn’t mean to say it. He just wants to talk to you.”. Mor didn’t risk saying his name because she knew it would only anger you more.
“Well I don’t want to talk to him, or deal with him, or see him, or think about him. At all.”. You grumbled. Your heart clenched, but you brushed it aside.
“Y/n, please. I love you two and it hurts to see our family like this right now.”
“Please, can we drop it, I-“ your voice cracked
“Yeah, of course. Just… keep an open mind, maybe?”
“Yeah, ok” you looked down.
“I’ll see you later tonight then, for Rhys and Feyre’s dinner party.”
“Sounds good.”. You pressed your lips into a tight smile as you watched Mor walk off. You had definitely contemplated not going today. All of the inner circle certainly knew what happened, maybe not all the details, but still enough, which made you feel exposed. You weren’t use to having your emotions splayed out to everyone like that, and it made you too vulnerable. However, Mor had threatened to pull you to the party herself if you refused to go, so being complicit seemed like the best option.
It was just one night. You would be fine… right?
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It was nearing 8 as you finished getting ready for the party, which started at 8:30. You were wearing an olive green silk midi dress. It wasn’t anything too fancy, but it was still very elegant. And comfortable. You were touching up as Mor arrived.
“Ah, there she is, beautiful as ever.”
“I could say the same about you, darling” you emphasized
“Are you ready to go, I heard the party is getting started, and you know I wouldn’t want to miss all the cocktails”
A laugh mused on your face. You grabbed your purse before the pair of you winnowed to the house.
You arrived at the front door, scanning the scene when you got there. It was a cozy ballroom with french doors which opened up to a huge balcony leading to the gardens. There was a huge dining table in the center with plenty of space to mingle in clusters.
You hadn’t spotted Azriel yet, a sigh of relief leaving your body. You strutted in, arms linked with Mor, grabbing a drink off the platter. You weren’t even sure who or what this party was for, but you realized you had downplayed it after spotting Helion and Tarquin. The high lords in Velaris. But that was the least of your concerns, the only thing you were focused on was avoiding Azriel.
Spotting Feyre near Helion, you breezed over to say hi.
“Ah! Y/n! Helion, i’m sure the two of you have met a few times before!” Feyre smiled out
“Yes, I do remember you! I heard about what happened, how are you feeling?” He asked
“Much better than the last few weeks, that’s for sure. Although I must say, this alcohol is certainly helping” you giggled. “Well I just wanted to pop over and say hi, but I think I’m gonna go find Cassian now. It was so nice to see you again Lord Helion, enjoy your evening.”
“You too Miss Y/L/N”
You dipped your head towards the both of them before making your way through the room to find Cassian. Where was he for caldrons sake. You hadn’t seen him in a week because he had to go up to the illyrian war camps again. Pushing your way through the crowd, you bumped into a hard chest, spilling your champagne. Cursing to yourself, you started to apologize.
“Oh mother, I’m so so sorry, clums-“. Looking up your y/e/c eyes met strong hazel ones, which were burning into your soul. You felt your throat close up, starting to feel trapped in the crowed room
No no no no. This couldn’t be happening. Not now.
You knew it was only a matter of time before you would have to talk to him, but you couldn’t do it now. Before he could say a word, you pushed past him and bolted out to the balcony to get some fresh air. You had run to the corner, near the steps to the garden, out of sight from others. Taking deep breaths, you calmed your nerves. You would be ok, everything was fine. It would be fine. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself.
You decided to quickly go grab another drink before returning to the serenity outside. Leaning against the balcony, you stared out at the stars and the gardens. They were so beautiful, even in the winter, you thought to yourself. You basked in the silence, your thoughts drowning you.
Some time had passed before you heard footsteps approaching you on the balcony. You knew who it was without having to turn around, but you still couldn’t bear to be around him. You turned to leave but his hand caught your wrist, holding it firmly. You could feel the scars from his hands against your skin.
“Please. I just want to talk”
“What’s there to talk about Azriel, you made your feelings clear that day.”
“Just listen, please, and then i’ll leave you alone if that’s what you wish”
You sighed, nodding your head in defeat. You couldn’t keep balling up your emotions.
He led you back to the railing of the balcony before his grasp left your wrist. You tilted your head down looking at your feet and fiddling with your thumb.
“I spent 500 years pining after Mor because I was so afraid of maybe having a chance at love. I thought it was best to love someone who would never love me back so I wouldn’t get hurt. Then I met Elain. She helped me to open up more, and helped me to believe that happiness would be possible for me, with someone. I had given up on the idea of having a mate. I didn’t think I deserved one. I was ok with that and had accepted that.”
He let out a breath as he ran his hand through his hair, light curls falling onto his forehead. “When I saw you lying there and the bond clicked, I was so mad at myself. I shut out the possibility of having a mate for so long. You were my mate. My mate. I never thought I would be able to say those words.”
He paused.
“I was mad that you may not make it. I was mad that I didn’t find you soon enough. I was mad that we didn’t have more time. I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I Just wanted you to be ok. And then when you told me that you had known for so long, I was angry. Angry that I hadn’t realized sooner, and angry that you kept it from me because you may not have wanted me or expected me to be your mate. And I snapped. Then you said the thing that I had least expected. You said you had loved me” He chuckled dryly. “I am so sorry, y/n, so very sorry.”.
His hand reached down to cup your face. He jerked your head up so you were looking at him. “What i’m trying to say is that I love you, but I understand if you don’t feel the same way anymore”.
The air had been knocked from your lungs. Your heart swelled and your eyes watered. Before you had realized what you were doing, your lips crashed into his. His mouth fit perfectly against yours. He was a breath of fresh air with a hint of mint. Azriel’s hands gripped your waist, pulling you into his body and he smiled against your lips. It felt so right. Everything about it. Your heart was pounding out of your chest as you both pulled away, breathless. Your forehead rested against his.
You whispered just loud enough for him to hear.
“I love you too”. As soon as the words left your mouth, he pulled you in for another kiss, his wings forming a cocoon around you. This one was more demanding. Passionate. A promise. You pulled away from his mouth and leaned against him, his arms wrapping around you.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” Azriel said. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small black box. “It’s your Solstice gift, I was trying to find a good time to give it to you.”, he scratched the back of his head.
You gently took it from his hand. The box had a red ribbon wrapped around. Undoing the ribbon, You opened the box to find one of the beautiful necklaces you had been admiring with Mor. “Oh my Az. Its so beautiful. I love it. How did you know?”
“I may have had my shadows follow everyone around to find out what they wanted.” he laughed out.
You smiled. “Will you help me put it on?”. Handing the dainty chain to Azriel, you brushed you hair aside. Baring your neck to him. His fingers ghosted the soft skin, clasping the necklace together. He tenderly placed a kiss next to your ear, causing butterflies to erupt.
You cleared your throat. “I think we’ve been gone long enough. Would you like to get some food, Azriel?” you smiled.
“I would love to, my darling mate.” he paused before darkly saying “I am especially excited for the part that comes after I eat.”. You lightly smacked his shoulder before the two of you made your way inside, beaming.
taglist ---
@minnie-mitzel @itsbebeyyy @preciousbabymuffins @kexrtiz @vicisbookishblog @peneflop @millianec @agentsofsheilds 
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fawnandshadows · 3 years
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After The Ceremony - Chapter 1
Hey Guys!
This is the first chapter of a mini Elriel fanfiction that I'm working on. You can also read it on AO3
Summary: Elain and Azriel after Nesta and Cassian's Mating Ceremony.
Words: 1,847
Nesta and Cassian’s mating ceremony has long since been over, but Elain couldn’t bring herself to go back to her room. No, Elain had too much restless energy to even attempt to fall asleep tonight, and instead of tossing and turning in her bed all night, she decided she may as well be useful and start to clean up. It took only ten minutes of laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling, before silently walking downstairs to the ballroom. Nuala and Cerridwen offered to help her, and Elain knew that they wouldn’t have minded staying up all night to clean with her, but she really just wanted to be alone. So, the twins like everyone else went to bed, and Elain stayed in the ballroom of Feyre and Rhysand’s River House putting herself to use.
There was something about being alone in the middle of the night that just seemed right to Elain, when everyone else was sleeping, she didn’t have to worry about putting on a face for everyone to see. She didn’t have to plaster a smile on her face while her heart was cracking in her chest. It was a test of her resolve today, Elain thought, as she pretended, yet again, that everything was alright. It took everything in Elain, every ounce of will power and restraint, to not break down and cry in the middle of the ballroom as she saw a familiar rose necklace around somebody else's neck.
Elain wanted to cry, scream, and cry some more whenever she looked at Gwyn, or Azriel, or even Mor. Especially Mor, when Elain saw her dancing and smiling with Azriel. It just felt so wrong. It should be Elain wearing his necklace, and it should be Elain in his arms as they spun around the room completely oblivious to everyone else.
After seeing Gwyn wearing her necklace, Elain immediately turned to leave the room because all she wanted was to be alone with her feelings and not worry about someone seeing through her fake smile, but as soon as she turned she caught a glimpse of the sun and a shadow dancing across the floor.
Elain had never seen Mor and Azriel dance together, and she never wanted to, especially when watching them smile at each other ruined whatever was left of her heart. They looked so incredibly beautiful together, and Azriel was smiling down at Mor with a warmth Elain hadn’t seen since the last solstice when she made him laugh. And Mor was smiling up at Azriel with an ease Elain had never noticed between them.
Confusion danced in her chest with every other emotion she was feeling.
Elain was only forced out of her staring from a heavy arm that fell across her shoulders. She blinked and a drunk Cassian appeared in front of her face, a stupid grin strectched across his face that was the result of unadulterated love and copious amounts of wine.
“Dance with me!” Cassian pulled her onto the dance floor, snapping her out of her imminent depression and into a crowded dance floor.
Elain let out a sign and continued sweeping the surprisingly messy floor. It seemed like most of the cake she and the twins had baked for the party ended up on the marble floor somehow, but she supposed that drunken fae couldn’t be expected to be tidy. The full moon illuminated most of the room, but there were still some faelights along the wall that added just enough light for her work. After sweeping, and picking up a surprising amount of glasses from the floor, Elain collected the bouquets from the tables.
It took her months to craft five bouquets for the ceremony, one for Nesta, and four for the women standing beside her. The core of Nesta’s bouquet were red carnations, pink roses, with bursting dahlias. Every bouquet held pink acacia’s - the flower of friendship. Feyre’s bouquet consisted of blooming magnolia’s and eye-catching violets. Her own was made from magnolias, nightshade, and a sprinkle of periwinkles. Emorie’s held vibrant hyacinths with white jasmine, and Gwyn’s bouquet was crafted from lavender, morning glories, oleanders. All the flowers were grown and cultivated by Elain herself, and she felt a shimmer of pride as she looked upon them.
Elain was getting ready to move the bouquets and their vases from the ballroom into the dining room, thinking they would look nice in a room where her family spends most of their time, when a familiar shiver floated down her spine. She didn’t look up as she said, “Hello, Azriel.” She knew he would reveal himself to her.
“It’s late. You should be sleeping.” His deep voice blended in with the night, causing her knees to weaken slightly and her eyelids to relax. What she wouldn’t give to fall asleep with that voice whispering in her ear while his fingers slid against her skin. What she wouldn’t give to stay awake all night with his voice in her ears and his fingers on her skin. Elain lost count of how many times she lost herself in thought as she tried to imagine what his lips would feel like against her throat.
“So should you,” Elain said, turning her body slightly to see him walk further into the room from where he leaned against the doorway. “I thought everyone was asleep. I’m sorry if I disturbed you.”
“Do you normally spend your nights cleaning up after drunken fae?” Azriel asked as he approached her. He stood maybe two feet away, but Elain could still feel the warmth radiating off his body. Another shiver made its way down her spine. Her skin felt so sensitive in his presence that it was hard to focus on anything besides him.
“Normally just Cassian,” Elain attempted to joke. Her chest felt slightly lighter as she noticed the twitch of his lips. It was a mistake looking at his lips. Her tongue brushed against her own that suddenly felt dry. “Did you enjoy yourself tonight?”
Azriel nodded. No words, no explanation, no attempt at conversation.
“You’re a lovely dancer.” Elain said, unable to stop herself, but she wanted him to know that she noticed him. She wanted him to know that she wished it was her in his arms dancing in front of everyone else.
“Thank you. You didn’t dance much at all.” Azriel noted and Elain felt the warmth of a blush on cheeks.
She gave a small shrug and said, “I was only asked by Cass, Rhys, and Lucien.”
Rhys was the first to offer her a dance, and she loved her brother-in-law too much to say no. Rhys was a lovely dancer, and she fought to keep a smile on her face under his prying eyes. Her dance with Cassian involved mostly her propping him up so that he didn’t collapse on the floor. Her dance was Lucien was non-existent.
“Why didn’t you dance with him?” Azriel asked softly. If it wasn’t the dead of night she wouldn’t have heard it.
“I don’t want to give him false hope,” Elain said, taking a fortifying breath before she continued, “It’s wretched to think you have a chance, a connection, to someone when you don’t.” She prayed to the Mother that Azriel didn’t notice her shaky breath, her racing heart, or how it took all of her bravery to say that.
In the soft glow of the faelights Elain saw a flinch run across Azriels face. It took him a moment longer than usual to school his features into their usual mask, but he couldn’t hide the pain that shimmered in his eyes.
The similarities weren’t lost on Elain. How this night resembled that of the solstice. Azriel and Elain being the only two people awake in the house. Her mate sleeping upstairs. The same crackling excitement rushing through her. The hope that maybe she would finally feel the brush of his lips against hers, and she wouldn’t have to speculate about what he tasted like anymore.
“Elain.” Azriel said her name as if it pained him.
“Why did you do it?” She whispered hotly. “Why did you give my necklace away? Why did you dance with Mor and look at her as if she were the only female in the room?” Before her bravery completely ran out she took a step forward, grabbed his hand, and placed it against her heart. “Did you feel this break tonight?”
His hand was hot against the thin cotton of her nightgown. She could just barely feel the traces of his scars. Elain wished there was nothing between them.
“Because it did,” Elain continued. “It broke every time I looked at you. It broke when I saw the necklace, and it broke when I saw how beautiful you and Mor looked.”
“Elain,” Azriel said, his voice harsh, his hand pressed further into her as if he too wished there was no nightgown separating them. “I want to, but I can’t.”
“I don’t understand,” Elain stared at his churning hazel eyes. She couldn’t help the lonesome tear that slid down her face. She was about to wipe it away when he beat her to it. His large, warm, wonderful hand brushed away her tear before cupping her cheek. Despite the pain that was growing in her chest, she would feel it all again if it meant his skin on hers. She would withstand any pain if it kept them together. “Make me understand.”
“I want to kiss you,” Azriel said. Elain felt each word as it brushed against her face. “I want to rip this nightgown from your body, lay you on the table, spread your legs open and feast until I’m drunk off the taste of you. I want to slide into you until I’m the only thing on your mind, and then I want to bring you so much pleasure you’ll never want to be away from me. And once you found your pleasure, I’d take you upstairs and do it all again. If I ever got a hold on myself I would make love to you the way you deserve.”
Elain, loving the warmth and wetness that flooded her core, felt as if she was about to combust. One tiny spark and she would erupt into flame.
“And why can’t we do that?” Elain asked quietly, as if she were afraid of ruining the moment. As if she were afraid he would slip away from her yet again.
“Rhy’s pulled rank on me.” Azriel replied. The only sign of tension was the muscle that contracted in his jaw. Elain ignored the urge to run her tongue over it.
“Huh?” Elains brain was too hazed with desire to form a proper sentence.
“He forbid it.” Azriel replied, tilting his head forward slightly, and brushing his nose against hers. The breath that floated across her face threatened to knock her over.
“Forbid what?” Elain managed to get out - too absorbed in him to think clearly.
“Us.”
Elain didn’t have time to think about what Azriel said as his lips descended on hers.
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Mountain Night
By: SassyShoulderAngel319
Fandom/Character(s): A Court of Thorns and Roses Series/Rhysand
Rating: PG-13/T (lots of implications but nothing explicit)
Original Idea: Just kinda skimming back through ACOTAR and felt like it.
Notes: (Masterlist)(By Character)(About Me) This has a couple extra headcanons of mine sprinkled in here, just to fill in gaps. Thanks. Enjoy!
^^^^^
I stood in front of the fireplace next to Rhysand, watching the flames. Somewhere within the Mountain, a bell tolled eight, agreeing with the clock on Rhys’ mantel. Rhys’ shoulders slumped. “Amarantha’s gonna be summoning me any time now,” he said. Dejected, exhausted. But not defeated.
I reached out and held him. “Not much longer now. The forty-nine years of Tamlin’s curse are almost over. Then… then we’ll see if we can break the spell on you and the other High Lords and get out of here,” I said into his shoulder. I traced my fingertips over his shoulder blades, where his wings met his back when he had them out. Amarantha didn’t even know he had wings—and he wanted to keep it that way.
“We can only pray,” he said, wrapping his own arms around me.
The mating bond thrummed between us. Neither of us had accepted it. Acted on it. If we did, Amarantha would smell it on us. Destroy me for what I meant to Rhys, just to torment him. It drove us both mad—wild, occasionally—but we’d fought it for years. We could fight it until we were free.
I kissed his barely-exposed collarbone, where the hint of his tattoos were poking out.
“Happy Starfall, Rhysand,” I whispered.
He shuddered. “Happy Starfall, darling,” he replied. His voice shook slightly. He blinked away tears and released me from the hug. Still holding one of my hands, he lifted it to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to my knuckles.
His eyes, so dark blue they were violet, seemed to be piercing right into my soul. “I swear to you, when we’re free, we will never have to hide our love from anyone,” he said.
I smiled. “That will be nice.”
His voice dropped to a whisper, “Go. Be safe. Walk through the walls as a shadow so she doesn’t see you leaving.” He pressed his forehead to mine.
“I will.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I let his hands go. Darkness swam over my skin, almost like how they did with Azriel. Az… I missed our family.
Tears brimmed in my eyes. I backed toward the opposite wall from the fireplace, my lower body passing through the unrumpled bed. I wiped the tears away, staring at Rhys for as long as I could before I was swallowed by the wall.
I lingered in the wall for a while, letting my tears fall in the privacy of the stone. Inches from Rhys, yet I may as well have been on the other side of the Wall on the farthest end of the human continent. Forty-nine years. So close, trapped, together Under the Mountain. Mates unable to accept their bond for fear of their lives.
I heard the door open to Rhys’ room. “Well, hello, handsome,” Amarantha’s smooth voice greeted.
The sound sent me running. I knew Rhys hated every single night she forced herself on him. I knew he wouldn’t want me to hear. Knew he was ashamed of it, but willing to keep doing it to keep our family and our home safe.
I loved him all the more for it.
Even if the dormant mating bond chafed against me at the thought of another female in bed with my mate.
Stupid territorial instincts.
I burst out of the stone in my own bedchamber. Small, not particularly grand. Sometimes I imagined it was the guest room I usually occupied in the Velaris townhouse. When I was desperately in need of comfort. Neither Rhys nor I had seen the sun much in the last forty-nine years. Sometimes, in midsummer, Rhys, Helion, me, and a few closely trusted people would gather in one of our bedchambers and let Helion glow, imitating the sun.
Then Rhys would cast a blanket of darkness through the room. Darkness and those glittering stars. A night sky we never got to see either.
Neither High Lord had enough power to hold the light or dark for too long, but the brief snatches we got of both were enough to keep hoping. Enough to keep us from breaking entirely. From shattering down to our very souls.
I collapsed on my bed. Nuala and Cerridwen appeared a few minutes later. Just to sit with me. Their touches were light as I cried. It felt like they were barely embracing me. But I knew they were there. Appreciated their care and concern. As well as their company. If it weren’t for Rhys and Helion, I would have certainly gone mad a long time ago.
“My lady,” Nuala said softly, “how may we ease your pain?”
I shook my head. “Just… just sit with me a while.”
The twins nodded. “We serve and protect,” Cerridwen said.
The three of us stayed on the edge of my bed for hours. Hours, I knew, Rhys was spending with Amarantha. On Starfall. Because she knew he loved it, and she wanted to deprive him of it. Just as, if she found out we were mates, she would want to deprive him of me. Slowly. Painfully. In every way possible before I finally died. Hoping to break him beyond repair.
But my High Lord’s soul was forged in hotter fires, even, than this half-century-long trial. He would never let her break him. Even if she found out about his relation to me.
Long after midnight, Cerridwen pulled a small comb out of my hair that I’d forgotten I’d put in. A small, silver thing with a single star engraved into the top. No jewels, just metal. A simple ornament to remind myself it was Starfall. To remind Rhys.
Even if I had forgotten I put it in.
The twins helped me with the stiff buttons of my tunic and shirt and then left me for the evening to finish undressing and climbing into bed.
I didn’t sleep.
Forty-nine years, and I never slept the night of Starfall. Nor the Winter Solstice.
Rhys slipped into my room well into the next morning. I was still lying in bed, eyes closed but awake. He set a hand on my shoulder.
I opened my eyes.
His wings were out.
I sat up quickly. “What—why—”
He just held a finger to his lips. “So you know it’s me. Not some illusion. She didn’t see. I didn’t let them out until I closed the door in here.” His wings tilted backwards and then disappeared.
I leaned my head onto his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around me.
“This kills me,” he whispered. “I should never have brought you to that party. Then you wouldn’t be stuck here.”
“It was my choice too,” I reminded him, sitting up from his shoulder. “I thought… I thought you’d need backup. Someone to distract anyone who came too near while you were getting into her head to make her confess. It kills me that I didn’t think to test your drink for curses. Sniff it for poisons. I want to kill her for all she’s taken from you. For the fact that we’ve lived like this for decades. That I can’t take you to be mine because of her. Some nights it makes me sick thinking about my mate being forced to bed a different female. This isn’t your fault, Rhysand. It’s mine too.”
I never called him his full given name to his face unless I was serious about something. He knew it too. Which was why his violet eyes finally met mine from where our knees were almost touching.
“I don’t deserve you,” he muttered.
“I feel the same way about you.”
He kissed my forehead.
Forty-nine years. The bond had snapped into place thirty years ago, even though we’d known each other for two centuries before that. Thirty years of not being able to even kiss him on the lips for fear of us both losing control and accepting the bond on both ends. Slamming our scents together in an unmistakeable sign we were mates.
“I promise, I’ll find a way to get us out of this,” Rhysand vowed, voice low.
“I’ll help any way I can,” I said.
It wasn’t a bargain, per se. Not the type that required a tattoo. Just a quiet promise between two people in love.
Nuala appeared in the room. “Amarantha’s calling a party for tonight,” she said. “Throne room. The usual.”
“Thank you,” Rhys and I said at the same time. She nodded and disappeared.
Silence stretched out between us for a few minutes. Long enough that it started to make me uncomfortable. I got out of bed and started selecting clothes for the day. Awful, immodest, wicked, Under the Mountain clothes.
“What do you think?” Rhysand finally asked.
“About?” I tested.
“The party tonight.”
“It’ll be just like all the other ones.”
“Wanna shake things up?”
“No. A party just like all the other ones is how we’ve survived this long.” I picked up a brush from where it sat on my basic vanity, set my clothes bundle where the brush had been, and started to detangle my hair. “We survive by playing our roles. Wearing masks even worse than those at the Spring Court, stuck to their faces. The people here—they know what you are. They know what I am. They know I will pretend to tolerate their company while the monster inside sizes up its prey. They know you do the same thing. Changing it now won’t be good for us.” I shook my head.
“What if you arrive in your most revealing gown and we pretend to be lovers that will use and discard each other?”
I didn’t answer until I finished brushing out my hair. “You know that would be dangerous.”
“It would distract Amarantha.”
I threw the brush across the room, where it bounced off the padded headboard, soaring an inch past Rhysand’s ear. “I’m not talking about Amarantha!” I snapped. Rhys looked startled, though the expression smoothed out after the blink of an eye. “You know why we can’t do that to each other. Not now. Because… because—” I squared my shoulders. “—because having you so close, playing that game… you know neither of us would be able to help it. We’d come back here, shred each other’s clothes, and tomorrow Amarantha would start slowly butchering both of us.”
He looked away from me, down to his knees. I crossed to the door that would lead to my tiny adjoining bathing room. “I know,” he said softly. He stood up and stomped over to me as something seemed to rile his temper. “But don’t assume for a second that she hasn’t noticed you have never taken a lover your entire time here. Everyone else has—except you.”
“So what?”
“She doesn’t like being beaten at her own game. Everyone else takes lovers because she expects them to grow more and more wicked and base as their souls wear down and break. For pretty much everyone else, she’s been right. She thinks she broke me like a prize stallion with very little effort. She sees that you’re not breaking—and she’ll want to start working on wearing you down. Tamlin’s deadline is crawling ever-nearer and she’s getting paranoid and restless. She’ll turn you into entertainment just for defying her like this.”
My shoulders slouched. “Even so, she’d never give up you. And I’m not about to take any other male while I’m here, knowing it’s you I should be taking.” The barest flicker of feeling twitched at the mating bond between us. Which emotion, I couldn’t place.
Rhys looked thoughtful. “She’d let me have a side-dalliance as long as she suspected there was nothing behind it. No care, no emotion at all. Just base, primal, carnal instincts we’d later toss aside.” He shrugged. I missed the sight of his wings sweeping the air with his shrugs back home.
“I still don’t think it’s a good idea,” I said.
“Your choice.”
It was always my choice. Even when things directly impacted him, or hurt his feelings, it was always my choice. “What about your choice?”
“Well, given I suggested it, I think you already know what my choice would be.” He gave me one of his best, sensuous, seductive grins. Wickedly flirtatious. Appealing to that part of me that was absolutely feral deep down. My chest tightened and I clamped down on the longing rising in my heart.
“Fine. But we can’t let—we can’t let the bond solidify. She can’t know.”
Rhys grinned. “I think you’re going to need to choose a different dress, darling.” He gave me a wink.
If I hadn’t already thrown my hairbrush at him, I’d have done it again.
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theladyofdeath · 4 years
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The Ranch {20}
An A Court of Thorns and Roses, Nesta x Cassian, Modern AU, fanfiction.
Collaboration: @snelbz​ x @tacmc​
Summary: Nesta had spent years in Paris, living her dream and drowning in riches as a gourmet chef, capturing the hearts of the city and its people. But, after her father passes away unexpectedly and leaves his cozy, countryside B&B to his oldest daughter, Nesta is moving back home to the tiny town of Velaris, where the ranch, her sisters, and her father’s unfulfilled dream, awaits.
Sidenote: Being posted between two blogs, it is too chaotic to keep up with a tags list, so all chapters will be tagged with “#TheRanchNessian” & “#SharaCollab”.
The Ranch Masterlist
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Nesta awoke with a gasp, her hands instinctively reaching for her baby, for her precious, baby girl.
But her arms were tied behind her back.
She looked around, trying to figure out where she was, what time it was, if she recognized anything. And she thought she must be dreaming.
Because she was in the little house on the neighboring property. In Armand and Collette’s home. She could see the sun getting ready to rise over the hills.
She was alone, no one else in sight, but it was obvious who was behind it all. She instantly began crying, silently, knowing who was behind it all, knowing that Cassian was raising hell trying to find her in her absence.
“Hello?” She called.
But there was nothing. No response, no footsteps, nothing.
Nesta tried breaking out of her bonds, but there was no use, they were too tight. The infant within her womb moved, and Nesta let loose a breath of relief. If nothing else, baby girl was okay.
She regretted ever letting Tomas into her life, regretted letting him know anything about her, including that damned property.
She tried to stop the sob that tore from her, but she feared, not for herself, but for her daughter. She didn’t know who to pray to, didn’t know if she should scream or cry or start saying her last rights.
“Tomas, please,” she finally called. “Just let me go and I promise I won’t do anything. I won’t say anything, just…” She sobbed again. “Please don’t hurt my baby.”
The silence was almost worse than if he would have responded.
After a few minutes of no response, a wholly new fear washed over Nesta. Tomas wasn’t here. Yes, he would be coming back, he was the only one, aside from Cassian who knew this house belonged to her. But he wasn’t here and she didn’t know when he’d be back.
Nesta knew it wouldn’t do anything, knew that no one was around to hear her, but she was unable to stop herself as she threw her head back and screamed at the top of her lungs.
——
Azriel was awake at four-thirty like he was every day. He’d made some calls the night before, arranged for some contacts he knew in the ranching community to come take care of Cassian and Nesta’s place, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t getting up early for a reason.
He slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Elain, and got ready, before making his way downstairs. He found Cassian standing at the kitchen island, a mug of black coffee on his left side, a glass of whiskey on his right.
“I can’t decide which to drink,” he breathed, and Az had never heard his brother’s voice so empty.
“Hey,” he said, resting a hand on his shoulder. “We’re going to find her.”
Cass swallowed hard, but nodded. Azriel pulled him into a hug and Cassian didn’t try to hide the tears that ran down his cheeks as he embraced his brother. Their family had always been there for each other, lending strength when the other needed it.
They just never imagined they’d need it so desperately.
After a minute, Cass decided on drinking both, tossing the whiskey back and leaning back against the island as he drank his coffee. “Rhys is on his way. He’s been awake since three.”
Azriel looked at the digital clock over the stove and raised an eyebrow. “What’s he been doing to just now be on the way?”
He knew the likely answer involved Feyre, but he couldn’t imagine that they’d be focusing on that at a time like this.
“Same as me,” Cassian said, reaching into the back of his waistband, pulling out the warm metal and removing the magazine before he set the gun on the counter. “Making sure that if we see him, he won’t get away this time.”
Azriel hesitated. Yes, he wanted to make sure Nesta and the baby were safe.  It was all he could think about. But what Cassian wanted so desperately to do would only make the situation worse.
“Cass-.”
“No,” he said, voice low. “I know what you’re going to say, so save your breath. When I see him, he’s a fucking dead man.”
“He’ll be locked up, Cass. She’ll be safe, the baby will be safe, you don’t have to-.”
“He fucking took her!” Cassian yelled, his voice echoing throughout the house. Azriel didn’t say a word, wasn’t surprised by his brother’s anger, his frustration. “He deserves a lot worse than a few years behind bars, Az!”
“Yeah, he does,” Azriel said, quietly. “But, so do you, and if you shoot him and he dies, there’s a real good chance you’ll miss quite a bit of your daughter's life.” 
Cassian’s jaw locked and he looked away as another tear fell from his hazel eyes.
“Stay armed,” Azriel said. “Use it in self-defense, if it comes to it, but use it wisely. Not out of anger.”
The stairs creaked from the other room and the two men fell quiet as Elain stepped around the corner. Her eyes were red, her cheeks still wet. There wasn’t a jealous bone in Azriel’s body as she walked to Cassian and wrapped her arms around him.
His large frame crumbled in a way Azriel hadn’t seen in years, hadn’t seen since they were children and his mother had died. Regardless of Elain’s arms holding him, his knees hit the floor and he was unable to stop the full-body sob that tore from him. He could hear Elain’s quiet sobs, too, could see her back shaking.
Without a word, Azriel stepped out into the crisp, early day and pulled a pack of cigarettes from his truck. He didn’t smoke anymore, had quit years ago, but his nerves were shot and he needed something to take the edge off. He sat down on the porch and lit it, taking a drag in and blowing it out. He wasn’t sure where the smoke stopped and his breath in the cold air began.
A black truck rumbled down the street and parked behind his own and when Rhys jumped out, Azriel could still see that same anger from last night simmering in his violet eyes. When they saw Az though, they guttered slightly. “I thought you quit.”
He put the cigarette back to his lips and pulled. “Figured no one would care if I made an exception today.”
Rhys nodded and made to step around his brother, but Azriel caught his hoodie sleeve. “Just...give them a minute.”
Rhys looked to the door, knowing what he meant. He inclined his head to the truck, where Az could see a head of golden brown hair in the front seat. “Feyre is… She’s a fucking mess.”
“Elain did well, for most of the night,” Azriel admitted, ashing his cigarette. “But just a few minutes ago, she came downstairs and Cass was awake…”
Rhys nodded, sitting next to Az. They were pissed. They were scared. But the fear that the two of them felt was nothing to that of Cassian, Elain, and Feyre.
“I don’t need to have the gun talk with you, too, right?” Az asked, glancing down to where Rhys’ pistol was holstered at his side, and flicked the cigarette butt into the flower bed. Elain would be pissed at him for that, but he’d deal with that later. “No,” Rhys said, shaking his head. “I’m not an idiot. I told him I was bringing my gun, just in case. He gave me the same shit about giving Mandray what he deserves that I’m sure he gave you.”
Azriel nodded, eyes weary. “He’s never been able to control his anger on the little things, much less…”
Rhysand just nodded in understanding as he checked the time. “I say if the cops don’t call us back with any news in the next thirty minutes, we just go searching alone.”
“I say we go now,” Azriel agreed, then gestured over his shoulder to the house. “As soon as they’re ready.” 
Cassian must’ve sensed it, because he appeared in the doorway a minute later, Elain at his heels, zipping up her hoodie. 
Azriel stood, and they all stood in silence for a few seconds before Cassian, without saying a word, padded down the front steps and into the cool, eerie, early morning.
————
Nesta wasn’t sure at what point she’d passed out. She wasn’t sure if she’d passed out while she’d be screaming or if it was while she was sobbing or praying or she’d just fallen asleep while she waited and waited for the end.
Whether that was the end of this ordeal or the end of her life or the end of her baby’s, she didn’t know.
She wasn’t sure what had woken her either. Her baby was moving, but no more or less than normal, and she didn’t hear anyone else in the cottage with her.
But as she slowly blinked, trying to pull herself back into consciousness, she felt an ache from within her abdomen.
Nesta sat up, pulling on her restraints as she softly gasped and tried to resituate to stop the throbbing from inside her. But then she heard the soft dripping and felt the wetness beneath her.
Trying to keep her breathing even, Nesta glanced down at herself, down at the floor. She couldn’t even try to convince herself that she’d wet herself, she knew exactly what was happening, especially as a sharp pain from inside took her breath away.
“No, no, no,” she cried, looking around, for something, anything, whatever she could use or do to get herself free, get herself out of here.
Because her water had broken.
Nesta was in labor.
And her baby was coming.
She began to panic, so much more than she had before. She would not give birth in such a hellhole. That damned place would not be the first place her baby sees.
Once again, she tried to break those bonds, but nothing worked. She screamed and screamed and screamed until her voice became raw, broken.
She sobbed.
She called for Cassian.
She prayed to whoever was listening that it would all be over soon.
But it didn’t matter.
She was completely, utterly alone.
A distant pain in her abdomen came again, and although it wasn’t bad, she knew it to be a contraction. 
“Not yet, baby girl,” she breathed, sobbed, begged. “Not yet, please.”
A door slammed from somewhere in the house and everything inside her went stil, even the precious life trying so hard to enter the world. She breathed, “No, gods, please no…”
Footsteps sounded on the stairs from the garage and the door behind her opened.
“Look at that,” he crooned, the voice raising the hair on the back of her neck. “Either you pissed yourself or you’re about to have our little girl.”
Our little girl.
“You’re insane,” she gasped, another contraction made her look at the clock above the mantle.
He stepped around until he was looking down at her.
The brutal gash along his face was red and angry, the stitches still fresh. She knew the wound she’d given him on the arm was likely in the same shape. He clearly hadn’t gone to a hospital, the stitches weren’t nearly as neat as they should have been. No, Nesta knew who owed Tomas a favor from years ago, a favor that she’d hoped Tomas had forgotten about.
“I hope you didn’t pull Isaac Hale into this,” she breathed. “He’s a good man, a good vet.”
Tomas head tilted to the side, his eyes showing just how unhinged he’d become. “Would he be as good of a vet if I hadn’t driven his little girlfriend to the clinic in Adriata to have that abortion all those years ago? How’s Claire doing anyways?”
Nesta spit in his face.
She shouldn’t have been surprised when his hand cracked against her cheek. She cried out and he gripped her face in his hand. “How long have you been in labor?”
“Fuck off, Tomas,” she growled, trying to pull from him. He just squeezed tighter.
“When did your water break, Nes?”
The nickname, so familiar, sounded wrong coming from him. She looked back to the clock. “I don’t know. When I woke up, I was having contractions.”
He tilted her head back so she was looking at him. “And that was what? An hour ago, two hours ago?”
She didn’t hesitate. “Forty-eight minutes ago.”
He smiled and it was the most terrifying thing Nesta had ever seen. “Good girl.” He turned and headed behind her into the kitchen. She could hear him opening and closing drawers as he said, “To answer my own question from earlier, by the way, Claire’s doing great. Did you know she’s a nurse?” Nesta felt her blood go cold. “She’ll be here in about fifteen minutes. Turns out she owed me that favor, too.”
She was dreaming.
She had to be.
This was absurd, insane, and no possible way it could be her current reality. No, she had to be dreaming, dreaming of her paranoia, dreaming of ghosts from the past.
And yet, as that pain in her abdomen came again, increased, she knew that this was very much real.
“When Cassian finds me, he’ll kill you,” she breathed, her tears still streaming down her face, silently. “He’ll put a bullet in your head and he won’t hesitate.”
“You always did like threats,” Tomas crooned from where he stood behind the kitchen wall. She couldn't imagine what he was digging around for, didn’t want to know. “Too bad I never took you seriously. Didn’t then, don’t now. I’m not afraid of Cassian Nazari.”
You should be, she wanted to hiss, but remained silent. Instead, she caught herself wondering where her fiancé was, and when the fuck he would find her.
Because he had to.
She couldn’t go out like this.
Their baby couldn’t come into the world like this. 
In Tomas’ absence, she closed her eyes and took deep, calming breaths. Stressing and panic would only speed up the process of labor, and she wanted to string it out as long as possible. As difficult as it was, for her daughter’s sake, she did her breathing exercises to the best of her ability. With her eyes closed, she imagined Cassian’s face smiling brightly at her from across the pasture, on horseback.
She imagined him painting the nursery, imagined him picking up the little baby shoes Nesta had bought and tearing up at the sight of them. She imagined the way he looked when he made love to her, imagined his voice whispering those three little words that set her soul on fire every time they came from his beautiful lips.
Tomas began to hum from the other room, the sound the most ominous thing Nesta had ever heard. It only became worse as he came back into the living room, softly singing the words.
Hush little baby, don’t say a word. Daddy’s gonna buy you a mockingbird.
Nesta couldn’t stop the sob, couldn’t stop the tears that fell as she opened her eyes and looked at what he was holding in his hands. Towels. Handfuls and handfuls of towels.
And if that mockingbird don’t sing, daddy’s gonna buy you a diamond ring.
He gripped Nesta’s arm and pulled her engagement ring from her finger. She sobbed, unable to stop him as he walked away, screaming at him to stop. His steps softened as he headed into the kitchen and the garbage disposal turned on.
And then she heard the sound of metal on metal, grinding and snapping.
“What the fuck do you want Tomas?” she cried, the pain in her stomach increasing with every wave. “Please, just let me go. Whatever it is, I’ll give it to you. You know I have money, I can-.”
He appeared in front of her again, for just long enough that she anticipated the stinging against her cheek this time, she just wasn’t expecting to taste blood. “Are you trying to put a price on our relationship, Nesta? After everything I’ve done for us?”
A door opened down the hall, from the direction of the front door and a small voice said, “Hello? It- It’s Claire.”
Tomas’ smile turned Nesta’s blood to ice. “It’s time to meet our daughter.”
____
Cassian had asked everyone in town.
No one had seen Nesta.
Or Tomas. 
It made no sense. They had to be somewhere, there were only so many places to go in this little town. Even then, no one had even seen Tomas’ truck, which means they most likely hadn’t left town.
At least, that’s what Cassian kept telling himself.
It was nearing noon and they had been at it, their little group split up all over town, for over six hours. He’d looked everywhere. Even the places he thought were impossible for him to be hiding, he’d looked. The others had, too, desperately. Azriel, Rhys, Feyre, and Elain. And yet, absolutely nothing. 
The feeling of hopelessness that had settled into the pit of his stomach was overwhelming. 
Once he made it back to the ranch, Cassian figured maybe he was thinking about it a little too hard. The main house was empty of guests now, as he and Nesta had made it their home for their baby, which means they had hardly spent any time in the little houses out back. But when he inspected the cabin and the little modern house at the end of the dirt path, there was no sign of them. 
Beau had been with him all day, helping him search for Nesta. With his keen sense of smell, Cassian knew he’d be helpful. With no luck, though, Beau spent most of the day whining at Nesta’s absence, fully aware that something had gone horribly wrong.
His phone rang and it was out of his pocket and held up to his ear before the end of the first ring. “Hello?”
“Isaac Hale gave a horse named Mandrake sixty-two stitches this morning.” He couldn’t recognize the voice on the other side of the phone.
He looked at the number, seeing it had come in from a blocked number. He frantically asked, “Who is this?”
“Mandrake,” the voice said slowly. “Sixty-two stitches.”
“I don’t understand-.”
The line went dead.
His phone rang again, but it was Rhys this time. “Hello?”
“Any luck?” He asked, voice empty, but hopeful.
He sighed, “No, but I just got the weirdest phone call.”
“About Isaac Hale giving some random horse stitches?” Rhys asked.
Cassian froze mid-stride. “Mandrake?”
“No,” Rhys breathed. “Dos More.”
Cassian’s phone began to vibrate in his hand. He looked at his phone and saw that Azriel was calling him. He told Rhys, “I think we need to pay Isaac Hale a visit. Now.”
________
Claire was sniffling as she unpacked the bag of medical supplies she’d raided from Isaac’s veterinary office that morning.
Nesta breathed, tugging on the restraints holding her to the bed, terrified for Tomas to hear her, “Claire, please. Get me out of here.”
Her eyes wouldn’t meet Nesta’s as she whispered, “I can’t, he’s- Nesta, he’ll kill me. He’ll kill Isaac.”
Nesta opened her mouth to reply, but she gasped as the most excruciating of all her contractions so far took her breath away.
She felt hands on the waistband of her leggings, still covered in Tomas’ blood and soaked from her water breaking, and tried to jerk away. “No!”
Claire said, “I need to check and see what you’re dilated to. You’ve been in labor for hours and if I don’t make sure she’s sitting right, she could suffocate.”
Nesta’s face paled and she saw a moment of hesitance on Claire’s face as she glanced over her shoulder, hearing Tomas’ footsteps head towards the garage, then the door opened and closed.
He was leaving again. She didn’t know why, but he was leaving.
“Please, we need to run,” Nesta begged, knowing this could be their only shot.
Claire began tugging her leggings down. “Nesta, if we leave right now, you will bleed out in the woods. There is nothing around this place for miles.”
“My ranch,” she breathed. “My ranch shares a property line, we can make it.”
Claire pulled a pair of gloves on and came around to her side, pressing a hand against her belly and checking her cervix. “No, we can’t,” she said, a worried look on her face. “You’re about at a seven. You’re going to have to start pushing soon.”
Nesta sobbed, and she didn’t care what she looked like, what she sounded like. All that shit was long gone.
All she cared about now was her baby girl.
And making sure Tomas Mandray would pay.
“Claire,” she whispered.
Claire froze, although she didn’t meet Nesta’s gaze.
“Just…” Nesta began, her sobs shaking her body. “Just make sure she’s okay, alright? Make sure Cassian takes care of her, okay?”
Tears were flowing freely down Claire’s cheeks. “Nesta-.”
“If I die, if I don’t make it out of this,” Nesta cried, quietly, “make sure Cassian gets her, please.”
She knew it was a request that Claire probably couldn’t fulfill, but she nodded, nonetheless. “I will. I’m so sorry, Nesta.”
“I know,” Nesta breathed, and Claire took Nesta’s hand, and they sat still for a moment in the silence. She couldn’t stop the scream that tore from her as another contraction, much stronger and much sooner than she was expecting hit her. Claire’s eyes jumped from Nesta’s to their clasped hands, where Nesta was bound to the bed. “Please,” she whispered, seeing the thought in Claire’s eyes. “Please, I won’t run. I’ll stay here. Just please…” Nesta didn’t bother to try and stop the sob. “Don’t make me have my baby tied to the bed. At least give me that.”
Claire hesitated for only a second more before she quickly loosened the knots around Nesta’s wrists.
Nesta sat up a bit, pulling her knees up, and putting her weight into her hands. She felt like she needed to hold her breath, but knew she shouldn’t. She was trying to remember anything and everything she’d learned in that stupid birthing class they’d gone to.
“Do you feel like you need to push?” Claire asked. Nesta had her eyes closed, but she was focusing hard on her breathing. She nodded. Claire said, “Nesta.” She opened her eyes and looked at her, not trying to mask the fear on her face. “That means it's time to push.”
--------
Cassian pushed through the glass doors of Isaac’s Veterinary clinic, locking eyes with the man himself at the front desk. His skin went deathly white the moment he saw Cassian, which confirmed that they needed to have a conversation.
“Where is she,” he hissed, voice low, the moment he reached the desk.
Isaac looked around, even though there was no one else in the small reception area with him. “Cassian-.”
“Where. Is. She.” He repeated, gripping Isaac’s collar.
Isaac just shook his head. “He’s got Claire, and he’s dangerous, Cass-.”
“If you don’t tell me what you know, I’ll smash your head against this desk and I won’t feel bad about it,” Cassian snapped.
Isaac's eyes grew weary. “Please-.”
“She’s carrying my child,” Cassian said, his voice breaking.
Cassian could see the internal conflict going on through Isaac’s eyes. For a moment, Cassian thought he’d have to torture the poor veterinarian, the young man that they’d known their entire lives, but then, in the quietest of voices, Isaac said, “She’s on your land. In a little beaten down cabin.”
She’s on your land.
The cottage.
She had been right there, and he’d never even thought about it. Of course Tomas knew about the cabin, but he probably assumed Cassian didn’t.
Fuck.
He didn’t even realize he’d said the word aloud, much less yelled it until one of the patients across the room looked in their direction.
Cassian was halfway out the door when Isaac called his name. He turned back, seeing a broken man. He repeated, “He’s got Claire, too. Get her, please.”
Cassian nodded once and was out the door.
Rhys and Azriel were waiting in Rhys’ truck, Elain and Feyre with them.  Feyre scooted into the middle seat as Cassian climbed back into the passenger side. “Home, go the fuck home.”
“What?” Rhys asked, violet eyes wide. “What do you-?”
Cassian was already dialing the number of the detective that had been assigned to their case. “Those French people she knew, the property next door.”
All four of them stared at her. She hadn’t told them. She hadn’t told her fucking famliy about the people she’d met, the bond she grew with them.
Which means they had no fucking clue where the cottage was.
“Just drive to the fucking ranch!” he yelled, putting the phone to his ear, his hands shaking, his mind whirling. 
Rhysand didn’t hesitate as he put the truck in reverse and pulled out of the parking space. 
The ride was quiet, and even though it was only a five minute drive, Cassian felt like it took a lifetime. All that time, she was so close. He felt like a horrible person, not even thinking about her being right next door. 
“Drive faster,” Cassian hissed.
“I’m driving as fast as I can without running us off the road,” Rhysand snapped.
Tensions were high.
They were so close, now.
They just had to get to her. 
“Go past our drive,” Cass said, pointing ahead. “Just go straight to theirs.”
Rhys did as he was told, but Feyre said, “Cass, I can’t think of any other driveway on this road. It just dead ends at the river.”
He knew that was the case, but he had no idea how to figure out where it was.
Actually, he could think of one.
“Get to the house,” he breathed. “We have to catch the horses.”
-------------
The pain was so all consuming, so absolutely mind numbing, that Nesta wasn’t sure how the world managed to repopulate as long as it did before modern medicine and epidurals. She screamed, holding onto the footboard while Claire crouched, her hands held out beneath her.
“You’re almost there, Nesta,” she said, keeping her voice calm, even. It was clear that she was in her element, even in the situation they were currently in. “I need you to take a deep breath, let it out and push one more time.”
She nodded and did as she was told, for what felt like the thousandth time, and ended up sobbing again.
She cried, “I can’t. I can’t anymore.”
It had been nearly an hour since she started pushing, and though Claire was keeping herself collected, she urged Nesta, “You have to push, she’s almost here, Nes. I can see her head, She can’t stay where she is.”
Nesta shook her head, her hair sticking to her sweaty forehead, her tear stained cheeks. She needed Cassian, she needed her rock. But he wasn’t here, couldn’t be here.
Claire gave her a couple more seconds to breathe and said, “Come on, squat back down, and give me one more big, push, the biggest one you’ve got in you, okay?”
Nesta closed her eyes, thinking of Cassian as she breathed in and out, trying to calm herself. She took a deep breath in and braced down as hard as she could. She could feel her nails splitting against the wooden bed frame.
The world went silent for a moment. Her eyes were shut, but all she could see was bright, white light, all she could feel was warmth and comfort and peace. Nesta wondered if she might be dead, if she’d somehow gotten lucky in all of this and spared from Tomas' cruelty.
But then the most amazing sound she’d ever heard had her opening her eyes, bringing her back to the real world.
She heard her baby crying.
Nesta was crying, too. And Claire, even as she held the screaming infant in a bloody towel, had tears streaming down her face.
She cut the umbilical cord, helping Nesta back on the bed.
She handed Nesta her daughter, as well as a clean, wet towel, and said, “Lie back, I have to stitch you up.”
She did as she was told, trying not to think about what was happening as she carefully cleaned her baby’s face up. “Hello, beautiful girl,” she breathed. “I’m so sorry your daddy’s not here to meet you. He’ll be here soon.”
Her voice was becoming weaker and weaker and Claire said, “Nesta, I need you to keep talking to me. You have to stay awake, okay? Everything went awesome, better than some of the births I do every day in the hospital, but I need you to stay awake.”
She nodded, trying to do as she was told.
When Claire finished, she helped Nesta into what could only be described as a glorified adult diaper, pulling the oversized hoodie she wore over it, and helped her lay back on the bed. “I’m going to get her cleaned up,” she said, holding her arms out for the baby.
Nesta’s arms tightened around her daughter, suddenly afraid to trust Claire.
“I promise, I’m just going to clean her off and I’ll bring her right back.” Nesta could see the sincerity in Claire’s eyes, at least she hoped she did as she handed her daughter to her.
Claire hurried out of the room and Nesta heard the sink in the bathroom turn on. The water ran for a solid three or four minutes before it turned off and she returned, the baby wrapped in a soft, white sheet.
She handed the baby back to Nesta, sitting on the bed at her feet. “What’s her name?”
“Sloan,” she breathed, gazing down at the perfect little thing she had somehow managed to bring into the world. “Ilsa Sloan Nazari.”
The tuft of dark hair on her head, it was the same color as Cassian’s, just as her skin was the same rich tan. But when Nesta brushed a finger over her soft cheek, and her eyes fluttered open, those were her own stormy eyes surrounded in dark, long lashes.
They could hear heavy, quick footsteps coming up from the garage and Nesta’s arms tightened around her daughter. Claire stood, turning and standing between Nesta and the hall. When the door finally burst open, Tomas was on his phone, yelling at someone, but Nesta couldn’t figure out who. He’d left the door to the garage open as he hurried up to the second floor of the cottage, going to get the gods knew what.
“Claire,” Nesta said, tears already running down her cheeks. She turned and Nesta was already pressing Sloan into her arms. “You promised. Get out, get to the woods, and run away from the setting sun. You’ll get to my property. Just get her to her father, please.”
Claire was already shaking her head before Nesta finished speaking, but she clutched the baby to her chest. “Nesta, no, I can’t-.
“You can, and you promised,” Nesta said, her voice breaking as she began to sob again. “Get her out of here. I don’t care what he does to me, just go before he comes back.”
For a brief moment, Nesta was worried she wouldn’t honor her earlier word, but then she was off, sprinting out the open door to the garage. Nesta got to her feet, hissing in pain and limped to the window. Claire came from around the side of the house she couldn’t see, but she watched as she ran as fast as she could into the wood, away from the sun, just like Nesta said, and disappeared into the trees. She couldn’t stop the whimper of relief that left her, but she clamped a hand over her mouth as she remembered he was back in the house.
With a deep breath, she crept along the wall and left the room, making her way into the hallway and then out into the open living room. She could still hear Tomas screaming into his phone and she took that as a sign that he was preoccupied. Though it made her vision blur, Nesta hurried into the kitchen and grabbed the tool that had served her well many times before and had served her well enough the night before.
Nesta had come to terms earlier in the day with the fact that her life was most likely going to end tonight, but that didn’t mean she would go out without a fight.
------
Cassian and Rhys were riding as fast as they could through the trees. He knew nothing about the cottage, not where it sat on the property or how big it was, just that Nesta had said she’d always ridden west. So they followed the sun. They rode for what felt like hours but could only have been minutes before Rhys called, “Who the fuck is that?”
But Cassian knew, gods, he immediately knew. He was off his horse before he’d even stopped, calling her name. “Claire!”
She looked towards his voice and the sob that left her could be heard the quarter mile that separated them. He sprinted towards her, slowing down when he noticed the small bundle in her arms. He froze. “No.”
Rhys appeared by his side, and he breathed, “Tell me she’s not holding a fucking baby.”
Cass was moving again and he caught Claire as she met them, crying.
The little bundle in her arms began to cry, too, as Cassian took his daughter into his arms.
“She begged me to take her,” Claire sobbed. “Tomas threatened me, so I delivered the baby, and Nesta asked me to bring her to you.”
Her words were hardly understandable, but Cassian was frozen in place, staring down at the baby in his arms.
She was so incredibly beautiful.
His mind couldn’t fully comprehend that Nesta had just had a baby while being held captive. He couldn’t. 
He looked up to Claire, tears streaming down his face as he asked, in a numb, deadly calm. “Are we close?”
Claire looked over her shoulder, then back to Cassian and Rhysand, and nodded. “There’s a small clearing in about half a mile.”
Claire went on to tell him how dangerous Tomas was, but he wasn’t listening. He kissed Sloan on her soft, tanned forehead, and handed her to Rhysand. “Bring her back to the house. Wait there with Feyre, Az and Elain. Take Claire, too.”
Rhysand carefully took Sloan and cradled her against his chest.
Then Cassian mounted his horse and continued west.
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ANGSTMAS DAY NINE 
Nessian AU // Girl at Home pt. 2
He blinks up at the ceiling, Nesta sleeping form beside him he can feel her chest move against his side with every breath her arm slung around his waist carelessly. His heart swelled with belonging, he belonged to Nesta, but he couldn’t help guilt that was breaking his walls. 
“Cas?” Nesta whispers her voice filled with sleep as she shifts to be able to look up at him. “You have work in the morning, why are you still awake?” 
He swallows the lump in her throat as he looks down at her. The blue eyes sparkling with confusion in the moonlight that was peeking in through the curtains. “Restless, a lot on my mind,” he replies. “Why aren’t you asleep? You have work in the morning.” 
“I can’t sleep with your thoughts clouding the room,” she says, turning onto her back so they're both looking up at the ceiling, their shoulders brushing against each other. “What are you thinking about.”
He sighs, running a hand through his hair, as he turns to look at her. “Nothing. Everything,” he sighs, he couldn’t just outwardly say that he was thinking about how he was in bed with another woman a few days ago. 
She rubs her eyes. “You’ve been weird since I told you I was staying,” she states. “Did you want me to go?” 
He looks down at her in surprise. “No, of course not, I am glad you decided to stay,” he replies. “I really am.” 
She lets out a breath as she shakes her head. “I was hoping you would say you wanted me to go,” she mumbles. He blinks down at her waiting for what she's going to say next. “Rhysand didn’t tell you stayed the night with him. When I called him he was drunk and told me you didn’t know where you went.” 
Cassian looks back up at the ceiling. The energy shifting in the room. “You told me-,” he says, weakly giving up. He didn’t want to make excuses with her. 
“I was hoping you’d tell me the truth,” she says, sitting up in the bed and turning so her back was towards him. “But you didn’t say anything and I had just given up my job for you so I was hoping, praying, that you were with Rhysand. That he was just too drunk to realize.”
It’s silent between them and she turns to stare at him. Her blue eyes were once soft now hard and distant. “Where were you, Cassian,” she whispers. “What were you doing, who were you doing, while I was here turning down a job offer that would launch my career because I believed in us. I believed in you.” 
He sits up and reaches out to her but she pulls away from him. She gets off the bed and turns towards him as she crosses her arms to look at him. His mouth dry as he looks at her, he couldn’t even muster the words. 
She nods, rubbing her eyes as she turns towards the door. “I want you out of here, now,” she says. “Go crash at Rhysands or Azriels, or the girl you chose over me, I don’t care.” 
“Nesta,” he says his voice cracking as he reaches out for her again. He grabs her shoulder carefully and she turns around and slaps his arm away from him. “Can we talk this through? I was drunk and stupid, I didn’t even realize what was happening.” 
She shakes her head. “Pack a bag, you can have Rhy or Azriel come pick up the rest of your stuff another day. I don’t want to see your face ever again,” she snaps. 
He silently gets out of the bed and makes his way to the closet they shared. She falls back onto the bed, pulling her knees to her chest as she holds them tightly. He comes out moments later dressed and with a duffle bag slung on his shoulder. He opens his mouth to say something but she shakes her head. 
He nods, looking at her one last time before exiting the bedroom and shutting the door. She doesn’t allow herself to cry until she’s heard the front door close and his car turn on. She doesn’t stop crying until the morning, a second wave hitting when Feyre and Elain walk into the bedroom with breakfast and pitiful looks. 
Her mother always told her not to let a boy dictate her decisions. She wouldn’t let it happen again. 
She would let herself have that day to cry and to feel. She would call out of work and cuddle with their golden retriever and her sisters watching trashy TV and movies. 
The next day she would walk into work and make her way straight to her bosses office, telling her that she’d take the job if it was still available. Nesta would find herself packing up her life and the memories of Cassian and moving across the country within the week. 
She’d feel alone for a few days, wondering if she made a mistake, but a few coworkers would invite her to drinks. She’d start taking spin classes and meet more people. She’d stop to grab coffee one morning before work and literally run into a new hotshot lawyer that had dirty blonde hair and kind a smile.
She would start a new life. She wouldn’t see what happened Cassian as a negative anymore. It had taught her how she should be treated in a relationship. How she should be respected in a relationship. 
She wouldn’t make the same mistakes twice.  
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castleshadows · 4 years
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An Unfortunate Fall...In the Sidra
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Mild Cursing, Mentions of Alcohol 
My head pounded. It felt like someone had taken a sword to my skull. With the sort of headache I had, I wouldn't have been surprised if that really was the case seeing as I could barely open my eyes without being hit by a wave of pain. 
Groaning, I turned over just a little. The new position helped my headache just enough that I was able to blink groggily and look around. Most of it was blurred thanks to the sleep that still marred my vision, but I could make out the still sleeping form of Rhys about a foot away from my face. His head was turned towards the opposite wall but he still had his arm slung over my waist. 
I poked at his shoulder and he was awake instantly turning over so that I could see his face. Rhys looked infinitely better than I felt and the thought made me resent him a little bit. Seeing that I was awake, he gave me a small smile and brushed the hair back from my eyes. The movement jostled my head just enough that the headache came back in full force. 
I moaned in discomfort and closed my eyes again. Rhys chuckled from beside me, the vibrations of his voice soothing my pain. 
“This is why you don’t drink two bottle of wine, and then do shots, Feyre Darling,” he chided. I blushed and tried to remember the events from last night, but my mind came up empty. As if Rhys knew exactly what I was trying to do he sent me a  couple mental images down the bond. 
...
I—Rhys— watched as Feyre—I— downed another two shots alongside Mor. I shook my head reaching for my beer to take a long sip. This was going to be a very long night. 
...
Feyre struggled to walk, tripping over her own two feet so much I had to abandon my drink and haul her up. Leaning heavily on my shoulder she slurred something incoherent. I nodded like I understood, keeping her happy and steered us towards the door. Unfortunately Mor ran by at that moment and dragged Feyre off again to dance. 
I had finally gotten Feyre to put down the drinks and go out the door. She had sobered up a bit, but was still drunk enough to stumble down the street with Cassian. He had his arm slung around her shoulder, teaching her a drunk song about a farmer. 
“There was an old farmer who lived on a rock…
He sat in the meadow just shaking his—”
 My eyes widened and I looked around for any children nearby.
“Fist at some boys who were down by the crick…
Their feet in the water their hand on their—”
I felt like I should put a stop to this song, but after the first surprise I was oddly intrigued. The song went on for a couple more verses until it ended with a loud—
“IF YOU THINK THIS IS DIRTY YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!” 
Cassian looked immensely proud of himself, Feyre even more so. I laughed a little at their antics, but it quickly turned to a groan when Feyre tripped over her own feet and fell off the bridge into the Sidra, Cassian in tow. 
… 
I was thrown back into the present, and my skull started to hurt again. I buried my face in my hands. 
“Did I really fall in the Sidra?” I croaked. 
Rhys nodded sympathetically.
“Though the only people that saw were Cassian and I,” he rubbed at his neck sheepishly, “And a couple others….”
I turned beet red. How many? I said through the bond not trusting my voice right now. 
Only thirty or so… he replied. 
Pulling a pillow over my head I gave one good scream and pulled myself out of bed, praying to the gods that no one would mention my drunken fall. **
**I tripped a little bit, but thankfully Rhys was already right behind me. He helped me walk over to the toilet where I immediately emptied the contents of my stomach. 
“Maybe you should stay in bed today Feyre darling, I’m sure everyone would understand.”
“No Rhys,” I pulled myself up and bent down over the sink to wash the taste of vomit out of my mouth, “I am going to get up today and go about as normal. I don’t want people to think I’m hiding after last night's fiasco.” Despite how much I wanted to.
I got dressed—albeit slowly—and managed to look somewhat presentable regardless of my massive hangover. The stairs however presented yet another challenge, and after five minutes of trying not to fall on my face I gave up and winnowed to the kitchen. 
Pretty much everyone was already there, Cassian, looking like absolute shit, Amren and Mor, somehow radiant as ever and Azriel still nowhere to be seen. Probably being nursed to health by Elain, who like Rhys, went to Ritas but didn’t have enough to get drunk.  
As I appeared in the kitchen Cassian turned to me. “You look awful,” He stated.
I snorted, “Oh really? I hadn’t noticed.”
 I grabbed a large stack of pancakes from a nearby plate and proceeded to drown them in syrup. A couple minutes of eating later and I was already feeling immensely better. So far, no one had mentioned the fact that both Cassian and I had taken a late night swim, and hopefully no one would care. Unfortunately, Mor stopped her conversation with Rhys to smirk at me, and I immediately knew that whatever she was going to say would embarrass me to no ends. 
“Sooo…” she teased, “Is there something you two would like to tell us?”
Cassian frantically shook his head, obviously not without the same fears I had. 
Mor just smiled harder, “You do know there are baths for that sort of thing right? No need to go jumping in the Sidra to…” 
I didn’t listen to whatever she was about to say before I grabbed the nearest pancake and threw it at Mor’s head. I got complains about syrup in her hair for the next three days. 
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rhysismydaddy · 4 years
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New Years Kiss Smut - Elriel NSFW
From an ask: Elriel smut!! If you want. They can be celebrating new years eve or something, and after y e a r n i n g for years they finally kiss and it gets ✨steamy✨
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Elain smiles at the person talking her ear off, mentally trying to calculate when it’d be socially acceptable to walk away. 
It's not that she’s uninterested in whatever the heck he’s talking about, it’s more that she didn’t want to be here at all. 
Not when he’s here. 
Which, by the way, why in the world is he here? 
He’d graduated last year, which thankfully meant she hadn’t had to face running into him on campus. Avoiding him in her personal life had been hard enough. 
The guy talking to her paused and looked at her expectantly, so she nodded and said, “Yeah,” hoping that’s an acceptable answer. 
Elain didn’t know how he expected her to concentrate on a word he was saying when one of her oldest friends was standing across the room, staring at her like he hated her. 
Or maybe like he wanted to kiss her. 
Either way, she isn’t paying attention to... Luke? and his complaints about his history professor. 
Her mind’s focused on a year ago today, when she’d somehow found herself at an upperclassmen house party as a freshman. Azriel had smiled when he’d seen her, and like always, there was just something... different about being around him. 
It was like her body was in tune with his. 
When he came in the room, she noticed. When he smiled, she found herself smiling back. 
And that night... she’d been just drunk enough to believe in New Years Eve kisses and that everyone should get one in their life. 
So when the countdown had ended and the new year had begun, Elain had gone up on her tiptoes and smacked her lips against Azriel’s. 
Which was probably the stupidest thing she’d ever done. 
Because apparently, he was perfectly content to have all this sexual tension with her and never actually act on it. His hands had gone to her shoulders, gently pushing her away, and he’d looked down at her with wide, confused eyes. 
And the absolute shock on his face had been too much to bear. 
So she’d fled. 
She’d run all the way home and had adamantly refused every single one of his calls. And since he’d graduated in December and immediately moved to the city to work, she hadn’t seen him since. 
Which was honestly kind of impressive, considering for the first eighteen years of her life, she’d spent almost every day with him. 
Their friend group was insanely close, and they’d immediately noticed that Elain stopped coming around whenever she knew Azriel would be there. So she kind of... stopped coming in general. 
She'd taken an insane amount of classes in the spring so she’d be busy enough to never leave campus, then over the summer, she’d worked two jobs. And this semester, she’d done both, taking enough courses to keep her busy and also working part time at the local bookstore. 
At first, he’d called all the time. And texted. And called some more. 
But until she could figure out how to look him in the face and not break down crying or blush from head to toe in embarassment, she was staying away. 
At least, that was the plan before he’d smacked the ball firmly back into her court by showing up on campus tonight. 
He’s currently standing by the mantle, hands shoved in his pockets, glaring at her. Or rather the boy she was standing with. 
Elain didn’t realize why until the people around them shout Ten, then start counting down. Maybe-Luke looks down at her expectantly, small smile on his parted lips. 
She knows instantly that there’s no way she can kiss him, especially not when Azriel’s twenty feet away distracting her. So she blurts, “Um, I have to go.”
And runs. 
Spotting a staircase, she bolts for it, praying she’ll make it up in time to avoid the sight of all the happy people kissing other happy people. 
By the time the crowd chants, “Three, two, one,” she’s in the dark hallway, thankfully alone. 
But then a rough, very familiar voice says, “Happy New Year.”
Fuck. 
She grabs one of the closest door handles, figuring she’ll go out the window or something. Anything would be better than having to face him. Azriel, however, does not agree with this plan. 
He smacks her hand away from the handle, wraps her in very muscley arms, and dips her so low her hair grazes the floor. 
And then he kisses her. 
Elain’s dreaming. She has to be. Because this... this is all she’s ever wanted. 
A soft nip at her lower lip tells her that no, she isn’t dreaming, but she might as well be. 
Because being kissed by Azriel... it’s everything. 
One hand supports her head, the other is on her back, and he holds her captive against him as his tongue meets hers. She isn’t exactly sure when she’d even opened her mouth, but she isn’t complaining. 
Her body’s wide awake, well aware of the strong chest pressing against hers, the stubble scraping her cheek softly. 
All too soon, he pulls back and tells her, “You, Elain Archeron, are fucking done avoiding me.” 
A shiver runs over her at the pure command, the anger in his voice. And then everything that had just happened catches up to her, and she becomes really, really confused. “But I thought-”
His hazel eyes are dark, somehow brewing both irritation and amusement. 
“You thought wrong,” he mutters back, lips meeting hers again. 
Well, that’s pretty fucking obvious at this point. 
Because he’s kissing her like he’s trying to make up for lost time. She's aware she’s doing the same to him, since the result is a clash of teeth and tongues and lips and-
He stands up, bringing her with him, and then she’s against a wall, picture frames digging into her shoulder blades. 
But she doesn’t care in the slightest, because Azriel’s hands are roaming over her in a way that makes her shiver, and his mouth is moving down her neck to kiss the top of her breasts. 
For the first time since her roommate forced it on her, she’s actually glad she’s wearing the low-cut thing. 
“You are so annoying sometimes,” he mutters, teeth scraping her neck slightly as he moves back to her mouth. 
“Okay,” she gasps, head falling back against the wall with a thud. 
Angry, beautiful hazel eyes meet hers. “I’ve wanted you for years, a feeling I didn’t know you shared, by the way. And then you kiss me, and before I can do something about it, you run.”
“I’m sorry.” Gods is that true. 
His hips press into hers, and she arches against him. “That’s 365 days we missed out on.”
“I’m sorry,” she repeats against his lips. 
“You’re about to be.”
They’re kissing again, and he somehow supports her with one arm long enough to yank the closest door open and walk them inside. 
Part of her is aware that she’s sitting on the sink in a stranger’s bathroom, but the other part’s too busy yanking his t-shirt over his head so she can explore his shoulders and abs and chest. 
The straps of her dress are pushed down, a hand in her hair forces her head back, and then his mouth closes around her nipple. Her back arches instinctively, and she almost falls off the sink, but his hands shoot out to brace her hips. 
He switches to her other breast, and she knows he’s trying to be polite, but she’s way too far gone for foreplay. 
Her legs pull his hips to hers, and she grinds against him desperately. He apparently gets the message because his hands push her dress up off her hips and slides a hand to the apex of her thighs. 
Azriel curses, then says, “I’ll buy you another pair.”
She doesn’t have to wonder what he’s talking about for long, because there’s a ripping sound, and then the tights she’d forgotten about become a torn mess at the top. 
Elain couldn’t care less as she reaches for his belt and pushes his jeans down his hips. After a brief moment, he’s pushing inside her, his body tense against hers. 
His hands are braced on her hips, hers are gripping his shoulders for dear life. She’s practically laying in the sink, back arched and head against the mirror, but he keeps her in place as he starts to thrust. 
And she realizes he was right, because she is so, so sorry she missed out on this for a year. 
His hips are hard against hers, and she moans as he picks up the pace. His lips are suddenly on hers, absorbing the sound. Which is good, because she’s not exactly being quiet. 
He isn’t either, though. He’s tugging on her earlobe with his teeth as he murmurs all sorts of filthy, wonderful things she never knew she wanted to hear. 
He’s telling her things with his body, too. 
He’s telling her how stupid she was to not realize that he wants her, that he’s desperate for her. How glad he is that she finally knows. How this is everything for him, too. 
One hand bracing the small of her back, Azriel slides the other down her stomach to the apex of her legs and starts to draw little circles that make Elain tremble. 
“Azriel, please.” She doesn’t even know what she’s begging for, but she feels like she needs it right the fuck now. 
Her nails rake down his back as he pounds against her, and he groans, biting her lip. 
She’s so close she can hardly breathe, so when he murmurs, “Come for me, Elain,” the sound of his gruff voice does it for her. 
She gasps as release barrels into her, head dropping back again as her eyes press shut and her body shakes. She can feel his eyes on her, watching, and that somehow makes it even sweeter. 
He makes a low, helpless sound as he follows, hips hips stilling against hers. 
Pulling back a little, he looks down at her and says, “Holy shit.”
“Holy shit,” she whispers back. It’s all she can think to say. 
His dark eyes track down her frame, and his lips twitch. “I fantasize about you for years, and the first time I fuck you, it’s in a stranger’s bathroom.”
Elain smiles, a giggle escaping her. He shakes his head, then lifts her off the sink and sets her on the floor gently enough to make her laugh again. 
Callouses scrap against her skin as he fixes the top of her dress. Glancing down, he bites a lip and says, “Sorry.”
“I don’t care,” she replies honestly. If he wants to rip every pair of her tights, she’ll let him. As long as she gets a repeat of what just happened. 
Luckily, her dress is long enough to cover the ruined tights, so she doesn’t have to take them off and risk freezing to death outside. 
Azriel throws on his shirt and buckles his dark jeans, then peeks outside the door. “Thank the gods there’s not a line of people out there.”
Laughing, she walks out, feeling better than she has in ages. Especially as he follows and grabs her hand. 
“Elain.” She turns to face him and raises a brow. “I really missed you. You have to promise you won’t ever do that again.” 
Nodding, she wraps her arms around him. “I promise.”
“You’re stuck with me now,” he murmurs against the top of her head. 
“Lucky me.” Leaning up to kiss him softly, she says, “I’m really sorry I ran. And avoided you. And called you an asshole a time or two behind your back.”
He laughs, and she can’t realizes how much she’s missed that sound. 
Elain pulls back and looks at him through her lashes. “How can I make it up to you?”
The grin he gives her can only be described as wolfish. “I can think of a few things.”
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