#i really feel like im Becoming someone good…getting into things ive wanted to since i was a child…

[postmodernlover]

.

#tw self harm #i told my professor about my cutting and it was nice to talk to someone who could respond in an actually helpful way #i call him my professor because that is technically what he is but hes become a sort of real friend recently #which is good bc i dont have any nowadays really #a bit sad for him tho #anyway it was nice to actually get to talk to someone about it who was capable of being an adult about it is the best way to describe it? #like i told my then partner about it and they kinda just didnt say anything? like didnt even acknowledge that it was something i said #i told my best friend about it and hes sweet but he mostly just got upset and asked me to stop #its a resonable thing to get emotional about but that wasnt the response i needed #but my professor just asked me if i wanted to talk to him about it while he walked his dog #i said yeah because i wanted to meet his dog and we went on a walk and it was nice #he said he didnt find it that weird since he had a girlfriend who did it in college #he let me explain and didnt try to change my mind and just asked me what i thought about everything #and when i couldnt answer he just pointed out some ducks and we talked instead about the kinds of turtles living in the canal #ive been in therapy for a long time but that was probably the nicest conversation i ever had about my self harm #im really emotional and lonely typing this out but i wanted to at least document a little of what im feeling right now

[chrissturnsgirlll222]

second, never first

part five | part one | part two | part three | part four

chris x fem!reader

summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become close friends, but as time goes on feelings develop, only its one sided.

warnings - swearing, use of y/n, BOYS (no smut… for now lol)

word count - 1k

-

its been a week since i was at chris’ house and i made the deal with him. little did i know this deal would lead to what felt like eternal hell.

one second chris was showing me different guys from his team that he thought i might like, and the next was spent with me trying to convince anna to make a move on chris.

“anna i really see you and chris working out. both of you could finally settle you know?” i state internally wanting to take back what i just said.

“y/n, he constantly talks about the girls he fucks every week and tells us both everything about his life, its just not right.” she replys.

“what do you mean, you do the same thing. you always ask him for advice and show off the guys you talk to.” i say. its strange to me that anna is so opposed to this idea as she seems to get jealous at any thought of chris being kind to me.

“y/n i dont know about this, i mean whats to say he wont treat me the same as the other girls he talks to. i really dont want to get hurt.” she breathes

“just give it a chance, if you two dont work out everything can go back to normal.” i plead putting my hand up to her shoulder, “trust me.” i say

she pauses for a moment, “ok i trust you.” she mumbles. i let out a breath i didnt know i had been holding once she answers. i am actually doing this. setting my best friend up with the person i desire most. it almost doesn’t feel real when i smile and shake her hand about it.

-

chris invited me over to his house to go through options of guys that he could potentially set me up with, for the third time this week. were sitting on his bed just going through his instagram and looking at our school sports team account.

“nope.” i say shaking my head at one of the options. “no? kid we need to lower your standard we have been doing this for days now” he says his eyes going wide. i shrug my shoulders and he keeps scrolling.

i watch over his shoulder as he sits in front of me. scrolling through the account and i see a guy that looks half decent compared to the other guys hes shown me, “wait-“

he stops scrolling and looks at me as i reach over his shoulder to swipe back to the guy.

“whats he like.” i say smiling and pointing. “oh carson? yeah hes a cool guy, very quiet, nice, really good kid.” he says. “ok perfect.” i say sitting back down.

“really? you actually like someone!” he says with excitement.

“yep, i expect you to hold up your end of the deal, i got anna on board.” i say “no shit?” he says questioningly. “yep, she just doesn’t want you to treat her like the other girls you always talk to you know your ‘fuck and dumps’” i say referencing to the text messages with alice. “i know i actually want to try to be different, i can’t guarantee i wont break her heart in the end but im willing to change.” he breathes as he moves to lay on his back.

change, for anna. who would have thought i would be helping the guy ive fallen head over heels for get with my own best friend. life’s full of surprises i guess. “well i guess you better make that change quick.” i breathe and sit criss cross.

we sit in silence for a moment before i look over at him “chris.” i breathe. “hmm?” he says not looking away from his phone. “what do you plan on doing about my situation?” i question. “sweet talk carson into liking you.” he states.

“what if it doesnt work?” i say. “what are you talking about kid?” he asks looking over at me. “what if carson doesnt like me.” i mumble looking down and fumbling with my fingers. “he will, dont worry about it im smooth with it.” he cockily replys. “i understand, but what if he doesnt?” i say looking up to face him.

“he will.” he pauses, “y/n we need to get you some confidence.” he says leaning on his arm while laying on his side. “ill work on it.” i say

“thats my girl.” he smiles going in for a high five. i slightly smile and high five him back.

-

the past few days has been miserable. watching your two best friends and the guy you like talk romantically in front of you is torture. i am living my own personal hell.

along with that chris actually got carson on board with going on a date with me, which is currently what im getting ready for now.

i have been pacing around my room trying to figure out what to wear. i settled on a black long sleeve crop top and blue jeans with my hair curled.

i pick up my phone and facetime chris.

“kid what do you need im in a round right now.” he says urgently as he answers the phone removing his headphones and puts them around his neck.

“chris im freaking out is this a good outfit for a date.” i breathe propping my phone on my night stand and walk away from it.

“uh yeah.” he says clicking away on his controller, looking between me and his game.

“chris oh my god its awful isn’t it?”

“no, no its perfect. makes ya ass look nice.” he chuckles. i cover my eyes with my hand and shake my head. chris laughing at my shyness.

“chris this isnt funny actually tell me if this is a good outfit please.” i plead. “yes kid its a nice outfit, why didnt you call anna to help you with this.” he huffs. “because, anna doesnt know.” i state, “why didnt you tell her.” he asks confused. “well i just decided to wait incase this doesnt work out.” i state picking my phone up off the night stand.

“kid it will work out just fine im serious, you need to trust me on this.” he breathes.

i walk to my bathroom and start doing makeup. “whats that?” he asks starring at me with concern. “mascara, makes my eyelashes look nice.” i state. “ok chris ill let you know how it goes-“ i am cut off by chris. “no stay on the phone i wanna watch you do your makeup. you know, make sure you dont fuck up.”

i do exactly that.

-

thanks for reading xx

taglist: @sleepysturnss @blahbel668 @alorsxsturn @w4nnabeurs

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo edit #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x y/n #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo x you

[sentoooo]

[anon: could you do a nsfw alphabet for raiden??!!] i am also so sad about the lack of raiden stuff in general, like im mk1 he's just the sweetest!?!?! like he's so bbg. and in like every other game he's so fuckin hot, dont sleep on him cmoooon. i also apologize for this taking so long to post, ive been getting so distracted lately its kinda hard to focus fully on. anything. BUT IM MAKING UP FOR IT I SWEAR!!!!

cw: amab, nsfw, pretty vanilla tbh, proofread. MINORS DNI

ʀᴀɪᴅᴇɴ || ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴀʟᴘʜᴀʙᴇᴛ

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Raiden's aftercare routine is second to Tomas'. He loves you, and he refuses to skip aftercare. Doesn't matter how he is, or how tired you are. He's going to run a bath with all sorts of dried herbs and some Himalayan salt, he'll even hop in if you so wish. From there, he'll be hands on, or hands off. Whichever one you like. If you want some space, he's more than happy to give you some. He'll change the sheets, and get you some clean clothes. He'll also make a full on meal for you. But if you'd like him to stay near, he'll sit at the edge of the bath and just talk with you. About the sex, about you, about him, about anything, really. And after all that, he'll carry you to bed,- he refuses to let you walk- and lay down with you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite also has to be his hands. He's very proud of his training, especially after becoming Earthrealm's champion. They're strong, and he also loves how they look on your body. He's gentle, always. He's also particularly proud of how soft they are, especially since he was a farmer and now fighting for Earthrealm's protection.

On you, his favorite body part is your chest. He likes how it displays your strength. Not to mention, he's simply drawn to your chest during intimacy. As much as he's Earthrealm's protector, he likes know that you can defend yourself and that you have your own strengths as well. He also enjoys your back, how defined it as, and the little noises you make when he runs his fingers down your spine.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Raiden prefers to cum outside, specifically on your lower back. He simply likes how it looks. He refuses to cum inside, he feels like it's almost undignified. Don't try to convince him to.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He wants to be ridden by you until he sees stars. He's so sure you wouldn't mind it, but you are his first and he's rather apprehensive about sharing. It's the first thing he thinks of when he masturbates even, watching your body grind against him, in a desperate search of pleasure.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

You are his first. He had saved his body for someone he had felt comfortable and a real connection with. He enjoys learning about sex with you, especially when you take the lead. Of course, he gains more experience the more you two fuck, and he gets quite good at it. His focus is all on your pleasure, and always will be.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

With his aforementioned secret, he loves cowboy. As much as he loves cumming on your back, he needs eye contact. It is very important to him. He likes to know he's treating you well, watching your face twist in pleasure. It also makes it easy to tell how well he's doing, since he makes sex all about you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Raiden is serious. Granted, he's shy, but he's fully serious about sex. It is something he had saved himself for, and he prefers if you are serious about it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He's got a little body hair everywhere. Some arm hair, some chest hair, a delicious happy trail, and some pubic hair. He keeps himself trimmed, however.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Raiden is by far the most romantic. Like I said, he focuses on you during sex, and your pleasure. He does everything to keep the moment intimate, and he makes sure you feel beyond loved. He cherishes you, and as such, he makes you feel like the only boy in the world. You're his one and only love, you're his. He's going to make sure you know how much he loves you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He prefers not to masturbate when he has you. Even if you two haven't been able to enjoy each other for a while. Now, if he's absolutely yearning for you and you aren't available, he'll jack off then.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

His only kink is praise, really. He loves seeing your reaction when he calls you a 'good boy', listening to your soft moans as he throws all sorts of sweet words & praises your way. He also responds quite fondly to being praised, he likes to know how he's doing. Whenever you praise him, you can always feel a shiver of electricity run from his body to yours.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He always prefers his room. It's comfortable, private, and quiet. He's hesitant with sex, so he enjoys the environment of his own place. It's almost a sanctuary for both of you. He rests easy knowing no one is peering or listening in.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Initiative. Raiden is rather timid, so knowing your yearning and knowing you are okay with taking the initiative really sets the mood and gets him going. He particularly enjoys it when you trace his arms or his hands, and give him that sly smile.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything rough, he hates the thought of harming you, even for your pleasure. He cannot, physically, mentally, or emotionally. If you ask, it is an immediate no. He wants to make you feel good, not make your hurt.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He actually prefers receiving, he just finds it hard to ask. But he'll go down on you if you ask. Anything for you. He's actually really good at giving head, even more so as he continues to learn about all your body's tells and quirks. But if you go down on him, he'll be the loudest, most appreciative man.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Raiden's default is slow & sensual, and he'll only pick up the pace slightly. He takes his time with you, he likes the mood to be right and proper. Doesn't mean he can't make the time worth it though, he makes you cum like no other. As said beforehand, he catches on quickly to your body language. He knows every single sensitive spot on your body, where to touch to make you moan just right. He loves having you give in to his touch and lay against him.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

It doesn't matter how long you two have been apart, he refuses to do quickies. He wants the moment to be perfect, to be right. He wants you to feel his love, and he cannot find a proper way to appreciate your body with quickies.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

There is only one thing he wont mind trying, and that's using his powers. He's thought about it, more than once. But he is afraid of hurting you. Of course, he'd only use them on a smaller scale, shocking you just a little here and there. But anything else, he really can't do. If you ask him about using his powers in the bedroom, prepare for a full conversation about it. It is only until he has proper consent that he will try it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

His stamina only increases as he spends more time with you. But he can only last for about 3 rounds, however, he puts his all into every. single. round.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Raiden doesn't see the appeal, to be honest. Perhaps if you ask nicely, he'll use any sort of stimulation toy on you. But why do that when he can use his powers? Creativity is a naughty thing, my friend.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He can't bring himself to tease you, not now, not ever. He hates it when you beg, actually. His whole goal is to satisfy you, and if he has you begging, then that means he's not doing his job right.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Raiden is loud. He's sensitive, he's comfortable, and you just make him feel so damn good. Sometimes it's hard for him to form words properly, that all you can hear is the very start of his praises melting into sweet, sweet moans and sounds of appreciation.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He really enjoys coming up with little names for you. And he always loves your reaction bed when he uses them. It's always something sweet, 'My light' is the most common one he'll use. Regrettably, he picked up 'Sweetheart' from Johnny, but the way he says it sounds so perfect. He does prefer using your name, especially during sex, because it just feels intimate.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Raiden's more of a shower, and he's around the average size. He's 5.7" in length when hard, and 1.7" across. He leans slightly towards the left & is slightly veiny.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive depends on you, really. He'll fuck you whenever you wish, as long as time permits it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Raiden's mind is an active one, so it takes him a while to fall asleep after you do. He isn't worried about his performance, no. He's just got a lot on his mind, and sometimes your naked body lingers in it for a bit too long.

#⁺◟sentooo #mk1 x reader #mk x reader #mortal kombat 1 x reader #mortal kombat x reader #mk1 x male reader #mortal kombat 1 x male reader #mortal kombat x male reader #raiden x reader #raiden x male reader

[the-s1lly-corner]

Seeing Kinger stuff is so nice gosh! Would it be cool to get the rest of the fluff alphabet with him please? Or if that's too much the ones you'd like to write about most

Kinger fluff alphabet! the whole thing!

two things one is more so one of my personal woe things unrelated to you but i deleted my masterlist immediately after finishing it because i didnt like the layout of it; 3 hours down the drain SOBS other thing! imma go ahead and link the other fluff alphabet stuff so its a complete list! actually third surprise thing, WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME I ACCIDENTALLY FORGOT TO PUT P IN THE FLUFF ALPHABET/lh/nm i fixed it now but i cant believe i skipped a letter i feel so dumb

ABSTRACT- if you were to ever abstract he would probably abstract himself. i mean if the things about queener/queenie are true and they were close, then that would mean this guy would lose a loved one TWICE. that would most definitely break someone, and kinger is already on the edge as it is. if he somehow doesnt abstract, he probably becomes even more paranoid; kind of shutting everyone out almost because he sure as hell knows he cant take a third heartbreak. rarely ever leaves his pillow fort, unless hes physically dragged out? sometimes he forgets you're gone, because he just refuses to believe the truth. sad stuff

BONDING- will rattle on and on about cool bug facts, if he has his own collection in his room he will show you it! maybe, if you want, he will let you hold some of the critters! tells a lot of stories, nicer ones from when things in the circus arent so... bad.. usually when hes in a good headspace! you get the feeling he embellishes his stories... not too different from a grandfather trying to make his experiences seem more glamorous and action packed than they really were

CUDDLING- he is very hard, due to him being a chess piece, but his clothes do a really good job at softening him! no arms :(... usually rests his hands on your back, or maybe has one on your shoulder and the other on your hip. switches between being big and little spoon, sometimes he wants to hold and sometimes he wants to be held

DATES- you can find them here!

EMOTION- kinger is... odd... im not sure where he lies, because i think sometimes he does have moments where he remembers thing and it overwhelms him, so that may be the main time hes the emotional one. however, i guess this entire time for emotional ive been focusing on more.. 'bad' emotions, but i think kinger would gush about how much he loves you, like WOAH! he is just overflowing with feelings right now

FAMILY- honestly he gives me dad vibes, if this dude doesnt already have kids in the real world (wow thats a sad thought... dude is like MIA probably and his kids are left to wonder where he went. double owie if queener/queenie was his real life wife before things happened) so if you guys make it back to the real world and unite, you're gonna be a step parent! would he like to have more kids with you? i think it depends, he would want it, though!

GIFT- you know how some people put bugs in like, cases to preserve them or something? i feel like he would give you those with some of his prettier bugs! loves anything you give him, he always keeps them stored safe in his room!

HARSH- you guys dont really get into arguments, i dont think! kinger doesnt like hiding things from you unless its something deeply personal, but otherwise hes an open book to you

IN HOUSE ADVENTURE- here!

JEALOUSY- its not so much as him being jealous as it is him being paranoid that something is going to happen to him or you, so! even if he wasnt worrying himself half to death he doesnt exactly seem like the jealous type to me, tbh

KISS- its time for my favorite thing for characters with no mouth!!! he boinks his face into yours, i actually wrote something for this! not gonna link it since its so short and i can easily relay the idea: but he would internally hype himself up (usually does this if this is the beginning of the relationship, he gets more confident as time goes on!), and just lightly 'pecks' your cheek before pulling away. loves kissing your cheeks as well as the back of your hands. loves being kisses where his mouth would be as well as his cheeks

LOVE LANGUAGE- quality time!! this man follows you around like a love sick puppy, because he loves you so much but also because again, he worries.. he also likes doing acts of service for you, makes him feel like hes capable of doing things on his own (which he is!). loves it when you return the favor via words of affirmation

MENDED- is he dreaming? is he imagining things again?

nope, its really you. somehow, you've recovered from abstracting, and you're now out of the cellar. he wants to hold you and never ever ever let you go, out of fear that hes going to come to his senses any second and youll be gone. wants to keep you in the pillow fort with him, or at least within his line of sight

NO- its less of an active dealbreaker and more of a "hey this is going to stress him out and probably hurt his mental health" but like, i dont think he would pair well with a really really intense person. like sure caien is pretty intense, but its not like caine is going to be spending a significant amount of time with him everyday, but like. you know? like i talk about some characters enjoying being on their toes and left guessing in regards to their partner, but kinger is NOT one of those people. he needs stability

PDA- less of a case where he actively and knowingly indulges in PDA and more so a case where he subconsciously holds onto your hand to keep you at arms length and to feel you. due to his lack of arms he has probably wandered off without you (and his hand) at least once. is not opposed to PDA, though, so long as its not like. insane

QUIET TIME- quiet time between the two of you is very rare. sure kinger can be very quiet when hes alone, but when hes alone with someone else, someone he cares so much about.. he cant help but fill the silence with words, to keep the ringing in his ears at bay .. so really quiet time is talking time

ROSES- ill mention it again in V (i wrote v before this section), he loves giving you roses especially on special occations! loves receiving flowers as well, he seems like a rose kind of guy as well

SHH- the one thing he doesnt like talking about is queener/queenie, well, more so the last few days leading up to her abstraction. it brings up. well, memories. on one hand he doesnt want to forget her, but on the other hand he doesnt want to bare the pain of those terrible memories

TUNES- THIS THIS THIS THIS ONE ALWAYS COME TO MY HEAD WHEN I THINK OF ROMANTIC HCS FOR SWEETIDEAS FOR OLDER GUYS IDK WHY

UPSET- im going back and forth with a lot of these as i fill in the list so! tying this in with E, i mention one of the only times he gets emotional is when he remembers some unfortunate events that took place in the circus. you're going to need to console him and bring him back to the present moment :(. when you're upset he tries to distract you, takes you to his fort, and tells you stories

VALENTINE- on the chance that he remembers what day it is, hes going to give you the most sterotypical date he can give to you. i think it might be because i can kind of see kinger as like, a classic/stereotypical romantic when it comes to you. flowers, he cant take you out to dinner so he takes you out to the digital lake to gaze at the clouds and watch the bugs pass

WANT- he wants a companion, he wants stability, and thats something he needs. he wants someone to be compassionate about him, his wellbeing, and his interests

XOXO- here! as well as Yearn!

ZZZ- if you guys go to sleep together its always in his room, where hes more comfortable. he also has a thing where he insists on being the one closer to the door; almost as if hes offering himself as protection to you should someone unwanted to come in. huh. always sleep holding onto you, snores like a dad

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #kinger imagine #kinger x you #kinger x reader

[ghoodles]

A bunch of noir headcanons because im normal i promise

- Either really sensory avoidant or seeking, it depends on the day

- Either way he's still pretty affectionate, on the avoidant days its usually just words of affirmation but otherwise he's the type of person to like pat someone on the back or something (there's actual movie scenes in itsv that supports this)

- The strongest sense of justice you'll see. He sees an injustice and soon enough he's interfering

- He will find a way to get information out of you if you have it, he used to work for the press, and is a private eye, and he was damn good at BOTH

- The color of his webs depends on how long its been since his last revival. Darker usually means its been less time, and it usually lasts for like a month or two before it becomes white again

- Intrusive thoughts about violence that he's just slowly become desensitized to

- Used to be all bark no bite before he got his powers, would get his ass kicked a LOT, but now, i mean, he still gets his ass kicked sometimes, but he's more capable of holding his own

- He has fangs and claws, because, come on, he's literally been revived like multiple times by the spider-god, she's had to replace something

- Speaking on that, a lot of his blood is significantly darker than his natural color, because of the god having to replace it

- Actually figured out how to use futuristic technology pretty quickly

- In shattered dimensions, he definitely thought Madame Web's voice was the spider-god talking to him before he was like "hold on she doesnt sound like that, who the fuck are you?"

- Swears like a sailor, but doesnt like younger people doing it

- Probably screamed in agony at seeing all the colors for the first time, especially in brooklyn during the night, thats gotta cause so much eye strain, especially in a black and white world

- Actually could see color in his world, but they were pretty dull colors, almost monochrome, but not

- Most people cant see the difference though

- Has met Miguel before (shattered dimensions) and was absolutely just in shock by the change

- A god at cooking, shit at baking, he tried to make cookies and almost burnt down the house

- Sometimes just feels like a puppet for the spider-gods entertainment

- Religious trauma is strong with this man, i can tell

- Derealization episodes where it feels like he's just not there anymore

- Back to his blood being darker the more he loses it, he has a full on breakdown over it once he realizes it, because he percieves it as a sort of indicator that he isnt human anymore

- The most unintentionally father figure acting person you'll ever see, he doesnt realize how many people see him as a dad, and if he does he's just extremely confused

- Had his gun with him the entire time in ITSV, just didnt want to accidentally scare someone with it

- Has a pretty good relationship with the other spiders in Shattered dimensions, but ends up getting a little iffy about Miguel once he brings up the canon events

- He almost fought him after Miguel brought up his uncle Benjamin and all his other canon events (ive only read like two issues of the comics im SORRY)

- The most vibrant color he saw in his world was the color of his spider-sense; a red

- For this reason, he can point out red really quickly

- Increased senses, to the point where it can become a hindrance

- Constantly on alert, checks so many things to make sure that he's not being followed

- Despite being naturally weaker than all the spiders, he can punch clean through walls

- He'd be bruised and a bit scraped by it but otherwise he's perfectly fine

#i cant decide if i want to put all the noir lore into one character or go the 'noirverse' route #i might just do both #while i was typing this Whats up danger started playing on my school speakers #just thought that was a bit silly #spiderman noir #spider-man #across the spiderverse #spiderman noir headcanons #i self projected on some of these #you can tell im normal right?

[weirdmageddon]

can someone explain what “weed paranoia” is?

ive never experienced it, all i experience is like….relaxation, monotropic autism flow state, calms me down enough to not get overstimulated by my own thoughts (i feel more at ease with my thoughts coming and going, i kinda go into free flow thought tunnels without getting hung up or ever spiraling. in fact, the opposite, where it’s like a “catch and release” sort of experience to train of thought most of the time. i mean i’ll still definitely hyperfocusing on something which you could consider getting “hung up” on but thats just normal autism stuff and i feel like i can mine for more deeper insight riches in those hyperfixation tunnels when high.

it also definitely helps me unmask. like my mask is sort of built into my core personality and “self” but i find it hard if not impossible to shut off even when im alone because ive internalized the external social sphere. but THC (i should note im taking Δ9) like…. takes the edge off, and i feel less conflicted about my thoughts? like i’m more confident in getting my thoughts out there without worrying about people judging me for how i phrase things or how hyperspecific im being to my own interests. i feel like i dont have to water things down as much because i dont feel as threatened by judgment externally, and in turn internally

i looked up my question about what “weed paranoia” feels like on reddit and the common answers ive seen were:

generalized anxiety

“everyone knows” / you feel like people are watching or judging you and that youre gonna be in trouble

“You’re very aware of your own actions and existence, and assume everyone else is also.”

heightened self-reflection (for some people this freaks them out??) because different perspective

more vulnerable

but i’m not satisfied with these answers??

i want to know if people who get paranoid have these traits while sober/before getting high. like, is it just non-introspective people getting freaked out because they’re considering their own actions/thoughts and existence? or do introspective people who are used to metacognition also getting freaked out?

are people afraid of confronting their weaknesses that weed makes them aware of? are people who normally hide from truths more likely to get paranoid?

ok so i can only fully know my own mind; that is my reality. i have a habit of assuming people more or less share the same phenomenological experiences in their minds, but since i’m autistic i’ve had to expand this boundary over and over continually reconciling with way more diverging phenomenological experiences than i thought.

so i normally i have thoughts about my own thoughts pretty much at least five times every hour, every single day of the week. i do not experience is not a bad thing, it’s a neutral and even good thing. i think i am insightful by nature and always have been, ive been described as such. i don’t know how normal this is for the average person. weed does enhance these metacognitive thoughts i have to an even higher level, and i feel very, very pulled towards them in a good, flow state way. ive also been told my guarded chilly heart melts a bit and i become more open/vulnerable while stoned but that’s because i don’t feel as vulnerable as i normally do. so i dont hide or clam up as much away from psychological openness or whatever exact shit enneagram type 5 is on

but anyway even without weed i normally feel “outside” of my own thoughts, always judging them from a third person perspective, or even multiple third person perspectives through reframing. so i dont feel like i have a defined or clearly illuminated sense of self. i’m not trying to really “find myself” so much as uncover it. like, it’s definitely there to begin with i can feel its presence, but the specifics are obscured and i’m trying to bring them to light. i automatically isolate logical components from emotional components into their own boxes and rarely acknowledge the emotional box because it’s unhelpful in more circumstances than not so it’s all a pretty clinical process when i make sense of things

because i can do this i’m never afraid of the truth; in fact i actively go in search of it and honestly it feels like THC helps me achieve that on MYSELF and it makes me very satisfied

i also don’t know if what i said is normal. am i comfortable with truths and facing them to an unusual degree over most people, or about the same as them?

i saw this comment and it’s like….. that makes sense with disinhibition of the frontal cortex. i think way too much about the rhetoric and kairos of how im communicating information to others normally, but with these consciously overthinking circuits driving and modifying my social thoughts and behaviors being turned down while stoned, i find i dont care as much. it’s like my conscious autism masking is peeled away, so i feel more content while stoned. and it also makes me more open as a result.

like i said, “i feel more at ease with my thoughts coming and going, i kinda go into free flow thought tunnels without getting hung up or ever spiraling” which is how this guy is describing “going with the flow”

the takeaway is i dont have a negative reaction to when i realize unpleasant things about myself while high. it’s just this neutral acknowledgement. this even goes for physical things that usually tip people off like their heart rate being “too fast” while high. i do perceive it also but theres like no anxiety with it, again just neutral observation and acknowledgement

basically im Actively looking for this

so some questions:

can someone explain what “weed paranoia” is like, taking into account the gist of what ive said? if you experience it do you have any insight into why it happens? does anything ive said have to do with it? do you already have neurotic tendencies (low resistance to stress)?

what does my experience while high + my normal thought processes as ive described them say or imply about me?

why am i experiencing pretty much the polar opposite of the way weed paranoid people are describing anxiety of being judged? or like the thing about my feelings of vulnerability?

am i more comfortable with truths and facing them to an unusual degree than most people, or am i actually about the same as them? am i more introspective/metacognitive than most people, or am i actually about the same as them?

if people who ARE already introspective get high and feel paranoid, why would that happen—wouldnt they be used to uncovering things about themselves? are there other reasons? does one’s sentiment to oneself play into it? neurotic traits?

oomf said “your high is always driven by how capable you are of passively defusing triggers for a bad trip”. the explanation for how well people tolerate THC ive gravitated towards outside of genetics (since my mom doesnt tolerate thc well but i do) is ability to deflect stressful thoughts, or how impacted you are by stressful thoughts in the first place. is this anything?

i hope im describing these things adequately so i can get the answers im looking for lol. please tell me if any of this means anything to you or if its just words

EDIT:

^ to me everything is great and feels significant, but is that because the things that feel significant are themselves good? if weed makes stuff seem more significant (too much dopamine weighs negative inputs too highly), that means it amplifies what’s already there (while also amplifying “noise”). so that tells us about the nature of what is already there in the mind’s contents, then?

so again, question 2: what does my experience while high + my normal thought processes as ive described them say or imply about me?

#stoner posting

[maddiescinema]

first, your services are very much appreciated and i hope you have a wonderful day

second, here's what i remember about the fic i'm looking for (and if it's not real wow my brain is so good at coming up with stories)

lando norris x reader

pretty sure reader is female

its (freelance?) photographer reader and i think also best friend reader

reader was hired by mclaren to do photography stuff for f1 and of the drivers, thats where lando and reader first met and became friends

im pretty sure its part of a (ongoing?) series

part smau part written

financial issues & mclaren not being able to hire reader all the time or smth like that (maybe) lead reader to accept a contract or whatever its called to photograph a football team

its one of england's/uk's football teams (im not well versed in football so bear with me) i think

i think the team may have been manchester city? and i think i remember a jack grealish or someone like that

anyways

reader goes there and does readers job and becomes accquianted with the team members

there's this one member who has a fuckboy/playboy reputation, and keeps bothering reader to go for dinner and eventually reader says yes bc he promises its just between friends

dinner goes fine until the end where he confides in reader that the team is going to let him go if he doesnt get his act together or so he believes

then he asks reader to pretend to be his girlfriend so that doesnt happen, reader says no, he threatens reader and her career, so she gives in and he says lets kiss in front of the paps so word gets out and they do bc theyre outside having this convo and there are paps around and an article is posted and it goes to social media

anyways that dude is an asshole

reader just ignores him and tries not to be with him and interact with him going back to work, and reader is feeling really alone bc lando isnt answering her calls and she deosnt really have anyone at the moment to vent and talk about this situation to, also the internet gets to her a bit i think

reader is camping out in an empty conference room getting stuff done when she goes to get a snack and maybe the bathroom to cry & try to call lando again?

when she comes back theres someone there and its jack grealish(?) (not the relationship forcing asshole) and shes like oh im sorry i must have forgot our meeting

hes like we had no meeting i just wanted to check up on you, bc ive noticed you been down lately and the whole dating thing

readers opens up and vents about being forced into the relationship

he shares that the team is either waiting or looking for a reason to let the asshole go bc his behaviour is bad and the players dont like him and dont get along with him

and he promises reader that if she ever needs anything that hes there for her and that she can go him

and she feels safe and happy and not alone anymore

and thats all i remember, and since im 94% sure that this is a series or at least part of a series, i might be mixing up parts

if you can find it thank you! if not thanks for trying!

p.s. why is it so hard to find things on tumblr??? ive tried to look for this but im also weak and give up to easily

first of all, thank uu 🫶🏻 i’m happy to help!!

second of all, I SWEAT I’VE READ SOMETHING LIKE THIS BEFORE, like i’m so sure but going back to find it is actually impossible 😭 i’ll try again tomorrow cause i know i’ve read this one BUT if anyone knows where to find it PLEASE let us know in the comments, my inbox or my dms!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

UPDATE:

“A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words” by @f1byjessie

(thank you SO much to the comment and the anons who helped find this fic!! all the love to you guys!!)

#find this fic #lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando norris x you #lando norris fic #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando norris smut #ln4 #f1 #formula 1

[kix-mm]

Dusty’s letters

Previous - Next

A letter from two

Dear neighbor, it's Dusty!

How are you doing? I hope Branch was abel able to fix your house. Aparentlie Apparently, you covinsed convinced him to write to you too! He calls you his therpist therapist now, and I thought you were a jornalist journalist? You are full of surprises!

I'm doing okay, but things have changed, and I don't like it that much. I'm still scared, I get nigtmares nightmares about my brother, is that bad? It's bad dreams that show him hurting people, hurting our family... but they are all gone. That's the only reason I know when I'm dreeming dreaming. They feel so real that sometimes I hide from him.

Branch has become more and more warie wary about himself. Sometimes, I see him looking in the mirir mirror like he's scared of his own riflection reflection. He has also stared covering his eyes again. He smiles differently now too. It doesn't feel real. I want my old brother back... it's not nice seeing him so unhappy. It makes me sad.

Another thing I don't like is that he isn't allowed to come pick me up at school anymore... Because he makes people scared, especially other kids. Maybe they aren't used to seeing someone so big? I heard one of the teachers say they still think he's risponseble responsible for Mama and Papa dieng dying. It's not his fault! He saved me! Mama and Papa died because of the fire... He misses mama so much, Branch says I look a lot like her. I think he's starting to look more and more like our big brothers!

Maybe you're an investigater investigator, too? Can you help?

Lots of love, Dusty

Ps: Branch hasn't written a letter since Jacob left, it's a sensitive subgekt subject. Please be nice :)

Hello

Hi

Greetings??

Dear neighbor, fuck it good enough.

As you demanded requested, I'm now writing a letter to you. I do not know what you expect me to write nor how to write it, so forgive me if it's brief.

Dusty is recovering well, though due to my reckless behavior from the incident she still feels uneasy around me, her injuries have sparked another horrid rumor that alienates me further from the village.

I'm not welcome in the village at all in the and certainly nowhere near the schools. Ive lived my whole life surrounded by that hellhole and yet im still seen as nothing more as a monster. As a young child that really does something to you. You will never be welcome if you have an unflattering appearance or are anything less than human.

This is in no way meant to target you, you've been nothing but helpful and kind even after my terrible attitude and almost killing you. I'm still forever grateful for taking Dusty to school and doing the small amount of groceries that Dusty needs. You mean the world to her.

If it weren't for you I'd be rather lost, I do not understand why you have such a kind soul and so much patience, though your kindness might not be targeted towards me, but rather Dusty, I'm still grateful either way.

Please don't make me write another letter, I'd rather not talk about any of this, or rather, write. Which in my opinion seems worse as the words stick to a surface and can be read by anyone.

Many thanks for all your kindness.

Andy Branch.

#gentle giant #g/t community #giant/tiny #my ocs #oc #g/t #gt community #my oc art #my characters #giant #giant tiny #g/t art #g/t drawing #g/t ocs #g/t related #gt story #gt writing #gt art #sfw g/t #sfw gt #writeblr #writerscorner #writing #own character #giant oc #short story #size difference #monster oc #writblr #oc art

[nerves-nebula]

Hi um terrible sorry to bother you rn with a maybe loaded question but what would be each turtles biggest concern(?) issue(?) once they leave splinter and like move to the hidden city? I have a decent idea for donnie and leo but have barely have any for raph and absolutely nothing for mikey

This may or may not turn into something im working on for this tmnt iteration

not entirely sure what you mean by concern so I'll try to wrap my head around "issue." but even that's pretty broad, since they have a lot of overlapping issues.

so like, they've all got PTSD. just to get that outta the way. i think ive talked about this before but i cant find those posts sooo here's to hoping i dont contradict myself!

Raph: Raph mostly struggles with figuring out his identity outside of being a protector. he also focuses a lot on trying to remain present (not dissociate) and being more in touch with his bodies needs, as well as his emotional needs. it's hard for him to pick up new hobbies because he can't really tell what he likes?? so that's what hes doing in therapy, trying to figure himself out and learn how to better take care of HIMSELF instead of others. and like, see himself as a person haha.

Mikey: Mikey gets a bit high off of freedom and kind of goes crazy throughout his twenties, lots of sex, parties, magic drugs, normal drugs, he's down for whatever. he's kind of all over the place and he loves it at first but then he realizes it might not be a great way to live for him. he wants to have something to show for his life and work and like, find a community (while still being insane sometimes :>) and he ends up doing a lot of charity work, painting murals, and a bunch of other stuff. eventually he stumbles his way into a tattoo apprenticeship. His whole thing is basically figuring out how to be his own impulse control, with a side of guilt because he feels like he's the "least traumatized" of his brothers (he still has PTSD it just usually shows up differently than in his brothers)

Mikey also really, REALLY hates being called stupid (not as a joke, like if he fucks something up and someone says hes dumb or something). Splinter always said he was the dumbest one of them all and he acts like he doesn't care, BUT HE DO. it really gets under his skin.

Leo: a lotta self hatred on his end tbh. he spends a lot of time as the hidden cities protector trying to atone for his past mistakes. he feels both fragile and like he's walking on eggshells around his brothers because he knows that he's made most of their problems worse. he also feels like what he went through isnt as bad, because splinter liked him the most. so he's got a similar guilt thing going on as Mikey, with the added pressure of feeling like he has to "earn" his place with his brothers, the way he had to "earn" his place as Splinters favorite.

Donnie: Donnie goes to college pretty early into moving into the hidden city, which he's super excited about! he gets into a really bad relationship for like a year or two with Adelaide, and after that just kind of becomes more and more suicidal until he attempts to kill himself. im not actually entirely sure about the timeline here but yeah, he deals with a lot of sexual & relationship trauma as well as self esteem issues (literally only conceives of himself as pathetic and weak), intrusive thoughts, and suicidal ideation.

donnie doesn't feel like he'll ever be good enough for anything, and he resents the people around him for disagreeing because he thinks they're lying to him.

hope that wasnt all too rambly for ya!

#nnstuff #ask #teenage mutant neglected turtles #suicide tw

[viktormaru]

Some new years rambling

I dont want to get too personal bcs this is the internet but still I want to get something out... for me at least! For posteriority, since I dont really keep journals or anything like that

But anyone who wants to read me ramble is welcome to read this as well, and well... happy new year you guys!

Its been a very long year for me personaly

I made a lot of big changes in my life: Took a big step by moving on my own for the first time, became almost completely independent financially, started my transition, saw my first concert, worked on keeping friendships even at a distance, grew close to someone i care a lot about... it has not been easy at all, hell its been a roller coaster of emotions and problems and I havent really solved them all and Im still struggling with a lot... but... im taking steps towards having a better life... or a REAL life, something I want to live or that I can be content with. its... well, its a big deal!

I remember when I was 18 and the year was turning, i was tipsy and alone at my mother's house hiding from the noise of fireworks and sobbing my eyes out because i thought i hit my deadline to "Fixing" myself and I didnt manage to do it but also didnt have the courage to end things. I felt pretty fucking lost back then, I thought life would always be this... this sludge of nothingness, and I felt a lot of guilt abt it too

But now here I am, struggling but making an effort, and aiming for something more despite how far behind I feel I am. I feel optimistic, hell, I feel like happiness is achievable. Its both scary and a huge relief.

IDK... I guess I'll keep doing my best, and I'll try to be kinder to myself regarding my flaws and my mistakes. I'll forgive myself more, and because of it I'll push myself more as well to be better, to do better, and aim for something good for me.

here's a few concrete wishes I have for my next year!!!

Get a driver's liscence: Now that my legal name is changed and my face is changing as well... doing anything regarding legal documents isnt as scary

Manage to work out for a year: hormones are giving me more confidence to look at myself. And now is the perfect time to try building muscle mass! Oh and be healthy i guess LOL

Figure out a better cleaning routine: My poor house has suffered so much under my carelessness and stress... im so sorry...

Get a bycicle: much needed means of transport in my city to be more independent

Work harder on portfolio and job seeking: again the legal documents thing made it very scary for me to do this... im a bit more confident now

Adopt a pet: this one will happen if I feel ive become responsible enough both with chores and money

thats all

Again, happy new year to anyone reading this, and for me... well... you know what you gotta do

#WEIRDLY PERSONAL.... but alright #im feeling odd anyway #not a bad odd just odd

[kvothbloodless]

As someone who’s followed you for a long time, and a fellow writer….do you genuinely support chatGPT? Even if it has been proven to scrape people’s writings without their consent? And the fact that its a soulless husk of what actual writing is?

So Ive done my best to avoid AI discourse, but I am bad at it. So to put it clearly.

I dont Support chatgpt specifically. Its a program made by a corporation because they can make a profit from it, and curtail its capabilities in line with their goals. I use it sometimes because its fun ans convenient, but I dont pay for it or anything. I think pretty much all legitimate concerns about AI are really just concerns about corporate ethics, at which point the AI specifically becomes irrelevant

I also dont really think the situation in general is one where "support" is the right word to use; its like asking if I support cameras.

I want to be clear im not trying to be vague though; i think in general AI is pretty cool, and that 99% of the arguments against it are factually incorrect, based on inconsistent or bad moral frameworks, or both. Im not going to get into all the reasons AIs are cool, since I dont feel up to doing a Big AI Post, but I do want to gesture vahuely in the direction of how much more accessible this makes artistic creation and experimentation, and all the insanely fun things people can use AI for. However, i do want to address the common arguments against it, especially since it feels like a lot of people are just misinformed and falling into the very easy tumblr trap.

1. Scraping fics without consent: if you post something on a public site for the public to read, and someone downloads it to read it, its not stealing. Tumblr is generally pretty firmly against strict copywrite laws, so its a bit weird that so many people are Very concerned about AIs "stealing" their work in a way thats even less direct than fanfiction. Like, "your writing is so in character" and "wow youre really good at imitating the authors writing style" are common compliments on fics.

To be clear, there are absolutely ways of interacting with free public content thats bad (like reposting). But AIs arent frankensteining stuff together, or copy pasting anything; they literally could not do that. The training/model files are so insanely tiny compared to the amount of training data that it would be impossible for them to be storing that sort of thing. An AI learning from your writing isnt really any different than a human reading your writing, going "oh I like that" subconsciously, and using that to inform their future writing.

Whats that quote about "to get better at writing, read more"? If you believe that statememt is accurate, then Im a bit confused how youd be upset about an AI "reading" your writing and learning from it?

All of the Actual ways this could be used badly (copying someones art style and then selling art cheaper, etc.) arent actually unique to AI (a person can also do that!), and also usually arent really a thing thats happening enough to be a problem (most people who want art from an artist enough to commission them, are going to want it to actually be done By that artist). Using AI to make an original work, or even to finish a fanfic someone else wrote, is no more theft than if you did it by yourself.

2. "Soulless Husk": im sorry im genuinely trying my best here to be gentle and respectful, but this talking point genuinely makes my blood boil a bit, so im not trying to get personal or insult anyone specifically. Claiming that art made by humans is automatically deeper, that art is all about Meaning and Struggle, comes off as extremely pretentious and just doesnt engage with the reality of art. Im having trouble articulating a good argument here, but like. Art doesnt have to be deep, it doesnt have to have a Message, and the necessity of struggling in order to learn about and create art is an unequivocable bad thing.

Many many people make art (visual, written, etc.) becuase they want to see or read something cool or because they think others will find it fun. Many many people who would like to create art do not do so because it requires talent/practice that they are not willing to put the time and effort into developing, and this is not a moral issue. As Ive said before, laziness is a virtue and self-indulgance is a goal we should aspire to. Using a tool to make the incredibly fun act of creating easier and more accessible is awesome.

Also, who gets to define what "actual art" is? Genuinely seems a bit arrogant and presumptuous to declare that something is or is not "actual art" based on your own preferences.

The posts that Really annoy me are the ones that are like "cant understand the people RPing or playing a TTRPG with AI becuz its soulless. I only ever RP with other people because the fun part is being social or collaberatively building story" or whatever. Cool. I rp and play tabletops because i like to have fun and I enjoy those activities. Im gonna be honest, i find it a bit offensive and kinda.. dumb, to act like its somehow morally superior to only enjoy oneself in a way that Builds Community or Has A Meaning. People do meaningless things because they enjoy doing them and so long as no one is being hurt, thats fine.

3. Replacing workers: This is the only argument that has Any weight, but its still a bad argument. Its absolutrly true that AI is gonna put people out of work. The fact that more people will be out of work and struggling is a bad thing. This is also what happens when literally any new technology is developed, dating all the way back to the industrial revolution (at the Very latest). Automation is almost always a massive net benefit to humanity (im aware this topic could be its own series of posts but You Know What I Mean, please dont start industrialization discourse here), and the fact that it puts people out of work isnt actually an argument against it. Lots of radio operators lost their job when telephones were invented, but that doesnt mean people should have never used the telephone and obstinately stuck with radios. When phone technology advanced, a lot of phone operators lost their jobs, but that doesnt mean people were Morally Wrong to use the new developments that made phones far more convenient.

As in all things, el problema es capitalismo; AI isnt preventing anyone from doing art, its just reducing how many people can get paid to do their art. The correct solution to automation putting people out of work is not to stop the wheel of tech development, but to change society so that one doesnt have to slave away in order to survive.

This also raises the adjacent point, which is that halting tech development like this is impossible. Once the cat is out of the bag, its not going back in. AI tech is going to develop and become more widespread and theres literally nothing you can do to stop that. If you want to be upset about that, its your perogative ig, but im gonna be excitedly waiting for the dam to break and we get an open source LLM that I can use without worrying about data privacy or corporate filters, so I can have fun and RP however much I want and finally be able to write the stuff I want to write but cant do on my own because I have adhd and chronic fatigue, and Id kinda prefer if people stopped trying to rain on my parade because they think im not having fun or creating art in the "right way".

EDIT: I did want to add one more thing! A US court ruled that you cant copywrite something created completely by an AI, and i think thats an awesome move and I hope it gets expanded a bit and spreads elsewhere. This isnt a position based on whether something produced in this way counts as "real art" or is morally bad or whatever, I just think that reducing corporate and IP grasp on anything is good, and that AI specifically is going to be most enjoyable when its free and open source.

#AI #discourse #im genuinely happy to discuss this so feel free to send more asks or reply #but im turning off reblogs because im not a fan of online discoursing

[bylerfields]

i just read your bottom mike points and its the most sense ive ever read on that topic, considering im a top mike truther. not so much dom mike, cos i think theyre equals, but your thing about mike chiling and come down to wills level was interesting. it makes me wonder how these dynamics would have played out if there was never this supernatural threat... i got the sense that mike still always led, because of how he approached will on the swings, and their little bickers in the whole group even, outside of monster stuff (like the ghostbusters venkman thing). mike being the de facto leader, soft version when with will, seemed like something that had simply always been. he's soft with will, but usually when he thinks will needs caring for. when will isnt in danger, i dont think mike is soft or chill necessarily. so its interesting that you see a matured, grown-into-himself and secure mike as 'chilling'.

and lastly, if they both come down and meet on this equal level of softness, how is that still evidence of mike being a sub? surely that would make them both soft vers?

but your points did make sense and i like that there are some bottomsub mike people out there who dont just see him as a babygirl

all really fair points anon!!

i think it’s just the way i see it or prefer, i guess? i don’t think i ever claimed that theres evidence of mike being a sub, since i’m of the strong belief that there’s no evidence for their sexual dynamic at all.

it’s really just how i prefer to think about it if i had to pick my favorite dynamic or what i’d lean towards when i’m writing.. lmao i think we’re pretty much on the same page tho, since i’m also a top mike truther who thinks they’re equals. so, sure, soft vers is a great description - but my personal preference is that mike is perfectly fine submitting to whatever will says and (for the reasons i said) will is perfectly fine not only asking for what he wants but also taking care of mike bc he wants mike to feel so good (which there is huge evidence for in s4). i’m not forcing others to see it this way, it’s just what i like 🥲 (also i should note that this isn’t the only dynamic i like when thinking of byler concepts, i like it all 😮‍💨 but when talking about which part of their canon dynamic is most satisfying/realistic to me i guess?)

(but i’d rather not have more people come to my inbox saying ‘well what you’re describing is actually still dom mike,’ because to me it’s not. i don’t see him that way as a default/usual assumed dynamic for them.)

to address what you said about mike’s behaviors being more dominant-leaning even outside of supernatural stuff, i guess my stance is that you can’t really separate it? like the way he was in s2 from the start was bc he felt crazy about el being alive or not. and him being the softer version with will is yes bc he has a sense of feeling like he’s taking care of someone, ((((((which i could argue isn’t a traditionally masc role but i won’t)))))) but also because it’s a safe place for him. i agree with you that he is 1000% the de facto leader of their group. he also paralleled joyce a lot in s1 with his persistence in getting will back and getting the others on board, while also being the gentlest and most nurturing of the boys with eleven.

what i love about mike is that he isn’t a violent person, like, at all - and it’s shown in the times that he does try and defend himself/others - it’s unnatural. i love that he can be the leader who people look to for guidance but not because he demands it, he just is. he’s the quietest in the party when theyre at the arcade in s2. there’s a common theme of will trusting and confiding in him where he wouldn’t with others. themes of nurturing, safe haven, emotional intelligence, follow mike before the clear shift in s2-3 when things start to become unmanageable for him. there are a lot of things that set him apart from dustin and lucas in s1 as far as typical masc traits and how they treat el (especially noticeable with lucas, since he and mike have pretty similar motive to get will back).

as far as him not being soft or chill w will when he’s not in danger, i guess we’ll have to agree to disagree? i’m thinking about “another 90 miles, why” and the softness in his tone when theyre on the couch, before will discloses that 001 isn’t dead. demanding and aggressive isn’t his default in a comfort setting. it’s just something that’s easy to pick up on for me, something i enjoy exploring more of, and a cool thing about fanfiction is that ability to have different interpretations or see qualities in characters that you focus on more while others choose different ones to expound on.

i’ve always said i think it’s presumptuous to assume the mike we see, with his clear multitude of external pressures, is the one he’ll be years from now. (will too, but mike is the focus here). and it’s really not far fetched when you look at how he is in his earlier days that he’s softer than the typical boy and would likely level back to that when settled and regulated.

thanks for the ask & i’m glad my take made a little sense 🩵 i mostly end up word vomiting when it comes to the mike topic

#spicy byler #byler #asks

[acaciapines]

so....abt that adventure time daemon au....sits down with folded hands. im SO SO curious as to what your thoughts are and lowkey wondering if theyre anything like what ive been cooking up in my twisted mind...slash joke...YOU GO FIRST I WANNA KNOW!!

jkdfgdjfkg yeah im gonna focus on the fionna + cake aspects since thats what i posted but if you wanna know about someone else send a followup!! i have the strongest ideas for marceline and more scattered thoughts on everyone else but!! i turn this around in my head a lot lol.

under the cut bc i am incapable of being short

so. the reason fionna world is Like It Is despite nominally being a human au is bc i decided that in ooo, humans are the only people with daemons! everyone else has Something Else, but that something else isnt actually a daemon (this bit is still fuzzy lol since it would just be more bg in anything i write).

so that means the only characters in adventure time who have/had a daemon are finn (tossing around the name honey for her?? shes unsettled but mostly dogs bc they grew up with dogs lol), marceline (she lost her daemon upon becoming a vampire, gets her back at the end of stakes. do not ask me what she is settled as idk as of now lol), and simon (lost her upon becoming ice king, he does Not get her back. i think its fun if she is a penguin bc that makes ice king surrounding himself w penguins super tragic. he knows something is gone but cannot articulate what.)

also i guess people like susan strong and the humans on the human island but shhhh i dont have super strong ideas for them lol.

ALL THAT TO SAY. since fionnaworld was created by prismo (gonna be real idk what his deal is but he is obviously His Own Thing and as a deity type deal he probably is granted w 'can see dust' powers and thus has no idea what daemons are all about) and lives in ice kings/later simons head (one who doesnt know about daemons and one who is mourning the permanent loss of his own) when fionna and cake were "created" finn jake and finn's daemon were mashed into two characters, who are! human and daemon.

everyone else either never had a daemon in normal ooo (ex. pb) or didnt have them at the time fionnaworld was created and thus they werent carried over (ex. marceline.) of everyone tho probably marshall WOULD know the most, this is why he has a line in my fic where he's like, do you know what i'd do for a weird cat? as a sort of hint that he SHOULD have a daemon, but. alas.

uhhh. where am i going with this.

OH RIGHT so yeah basically when fionnaworld became de-magicked it took with it a lot of people's points of connection--everyone ends up way more isolated than they were. since simon is mourning his own daemon that translates to daemons just Not Existing, and so fionna and cake are very much isolated from each other. they dont have the words for their relationship. all fionna knows is she needs cake with her, and vice versa.

cake IS still a daemon, but without that framework shes stuck in the 'normal cat' role even though she does a lot of noncatlike things, n her and fionna are very very good still at sorta knowing what the other is thinking and reacting accordingly. the people closest to fionna (so, really just marshall and gary lol) have SOME idea of what is up but if asked its more leftover instinct than like, the ability to actually explain any of this. fionna and cake try to interact w the world as a human-daemon pair but that doesnt work when the world has no fucking idea what that is.

uh. that. probably answers some question!! i think the plot of fionna and cake itself is MOSTLY the same...really fionna and cake just find out there is a word for who they are to each other n get that relationship reestablished which isnt a far cry from canon. i really like the stuff they do with betty/simon so i wouldnt want to change that, though i imagine there is a bit of simon mourning his lost daemon too--idk i feel like you could tie those feelings in if you were to write a full adaptation but i!! dont think enough changes to do that so i wont be lol.

i mostly just wanted to do episode one bc again. daemon in a world that doesnt know wtf a daemon is. truly the funniest and most tragic thing in the world.

#fionna and cake #daemons #daemon au #ask #daetalk #'why do you do this' look my life is 24/7 daemons ok ive embraced this #this is who i am. i will not change. you will read my daemon aus

[spacexseven]

TUNA. TUNA. [imagine i am shaking you] TUNA. ALL OF UR SEA MONSTER DAZAI POSTS HAVE BEEN SOOOOO GOOD IM GONNA HAVE BRAINROT FOR THE NEXT THREE WEEKS ABOUT THIS. i love how we seem to have just made an evil little mermaid au at this point lol. (to clarify since u just made a post about this im just thought dumping below hehe) i feel like sea monster dazai even in human form will look. Off. like he doesnt Walk Correctly obviously, but he also doesnt seem to understand blinking very well (too used to being able to deploy an invisible third eyelid to keep the water out of his eyes), and hes not much better at breathing without gills either. extreme uncanny valley. itd be fucked up if this really Did go the little mermaid poor reader doesnt quite recognize humanzai as the monster that almost killed them and has been actively stalking them ever since. like, now that he isnt covered in scales and theres no long, razor sharp teeth in his mouth and no ten foot long tail behind him at all times he seems like a different guy. god knows hed take advantage of THAT misunderstanding. also, chuuya and fyodor is a yandere match-up ive never considered before but holy FUCK is it terrifying. like, between chuuya's brute strength and fyodor's... fyodor-ness, theres really no exit in sight, huh? yeesh. - dazai anon (im on computer now so now bandage emoji 4 me :( )

hello !!! i am being violently shaken!!! ive been on computer very often you can always google the 🩹 emoji and copy paste it if you want :> also. No worries when it comes to you i'm telepathic and i know whether you'd want it to be a request or just us conversing about Very Normal Things :>>> this little au is like my child i love it so much thank you

i guess this brings up the question if this is a little mermaid au whos the sea witch hmm i guess sigma works. very witchy vibes idk

cw: yandere character, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, deception, generally creepy vibe

chuuya and fyodor would be a very interesting matchup heh all the trouble they'd have to go through to start working together....saving that for another time

well apart from the fact that he's still getting used to the legs and the eyes and the significantly weaker fingers and toes and all that, dazai is just not used to the whole human experience. he's tall, towering over most people he meets and coupled with the staring and blank expression, he's a little frightening. the good thing about all this, however, is that you don't recognise him without his claws and fangs and scales and what not. the legs, for one, convince you that he's definitely not the creature that's been haunting you, even though the hair and those eyes look all too familiar.

and maybe the way he grabs you and smiles, the way his grip tightens on you when someone else walks past, the way he whines into your shoulder about not knowing anyone here reminds you way too much of dazai. but this is just a newcomer to the town, someone unfamiliar with his surroundings and dependent on your help, not yet integrated into society and too shy to talk to anyone else.

huh, doesn't that feel familiar...?

get ready, because dazai is going to take advantage of this disguise to become your new best (and only) friend! now that he can do what these other humans can, you won't ask anyone else to walk with you by the beach or hang out together, right? once he finds a more permanent solution that lets him switch between human and monster, he'll never have to leave you alone !

(and of course, if you're interested, he'll gladly pull some strings to give you the underwater experience)

#yandere bungo stray dogs x reader #yandere bsd #yandere bungou stray dogs x reader #yandere bungo stray dogs #yandere bsd x reader #yandere bungou stray dogs #yandere dazai x reader #yandere dazai #yandere mermaid #yandere chuuya #yandere fyodor #dazai 🐟 #chuuya 🐟 #fyodor 🐟 #ask 🐟 #anon 🐟 #bsd 🐟 #mer au 🐟 #dazai 🩹 🐟 #thank you fara for ur mermaid harbingers post that inspired all this

[rodentrody]

creepypasta oc art + backstory dumpp

i havent really posted anything of my own for a while now soo.. yeah! ive had his story put together for a while now, but im finally putting it out there!! (ive delayed it for the longest time)

so his story / details about him are just gonna be put together in categories since i havent really fully made a fleshed out backstory for him yet, its just really a bunch of ideas i wanna put together once i get back to writing again

ok now heres my actual oc, sorry for the yap session 😭

Name “Elias Finn Collins” 

Birthdate “August 27, 2006” 

Appearance “Right eye blind because of manically scraping the skin off with his nails of that side of the face in a panicked state, scar of scraped off skin still there” + “Peeling and loose skin around the scar due to the depth and long-lasting effects of the injury” + “Since the wound was originally caused by fingers scraping and digging into the skin, all different layers of skin are somewhat exposed, varying from a lot of reds and salmons” + “Also makes the depth of the scar vary“ + “Has a habit of picking the healed area, which is mostly scabbed over due to so much picking, so it is usually bleeding.” + “Ragged scarring around the scar due to what caused it” + “Ragged scarring around the neck as well due to scraping with his nails under the belief that something was under his skin” + “Picks and scratches at his neck too, causing it to always be raw and/or scabbed over” + “Slight stubble on chin” + “Left eye is green, right eye is a greyish-white (Blind)” + “Wears a leather, black and worn out motorcycle jacket with brown fur on the hood” + “White t-shirt underneath” “Worn out denim jeans” + “Dark blue/Black converse with fur on the inside” + “Hair is dark brown fading to a dirty blonde” + “ 

Personality “Introverted” + “Takes a while to warm up to anyone” + “Feels paranoid most of the time” + “Anti-Social” + “A bit childish in the way he acts sometimes” + “If he gets upset or mad, he’ll usually resort to physical violence, whether that be aimed towards someone or just throwing things around”

Habits “Picking his skin/unhealed scabs” + “Fidgeting with his fingers and anything else he has in his hands when anxious” + “Bouncing of his leg whenever nervous or just impatient” + “Talks to himself sometimes” 

Backstory (Unfinalized, just a bunch of ideas) “He had an average life up until he was around 11” + “Though, he was constantly being picked on by other kids due to his awkward nature, parents being split apart and him living with his father, etc.” + “His older brother, who is somewhere around 4 years older than him, wasn’t around his father’s place much though. His brother was always out with friends, breaking into cars and stealing them, coming home drunk, etc. The little time that Elias did spend with his brother was pleasant, through a shared interest of gaming, etc. His older brother was pretty caring for Elias though” + “His father and him were close up until when Elias hit about 10 years old, as Elias became more distant and started lacking interest in things he used to enjoy.” + “Elias wasn’t really into what his father wanted him to do though, leading to his father becoming somewhat bitter towards him. This was due to the 'lack of masculinity’ that Elias had, and because as Elias grew older, he reminded his father more and more like his mother” + “Him and his mother had a very good relationship up until when his mother and father split. She would always be there for him, and always told him that nothing he did could stop her from loving him. To say the least, she was caring towards him and was definitely more open than his father”

“Him and his brother had to stay with their dad due to financial troubles on their mom’s side. Their father split away from their mom due to constant arguing” + “After they split, (they were never married, only dating since they both had commitment issues) their mom couldn’t find a job and couldn’t keep providing for herself, leading to her overdosing on pills and dying. This took a huge toll on Elias, who was only 10 at the time. Not so much his brother, since his brother was more of his father's child” + “Elias had been the one to pick up the phone, hearing from a policeman about his mother's overdose” + “He immediately broke down into tears, disappearing into his room for a few weeks, only coming out late at night to get food and water” + “Eventually, after he finally came back out of his room and saw his father and brother, they could immediately tell a difference. He was no longer interested in anything he used to enjoy, seeming more paranoid and anxious. He barely talked at all anymore, a small contrast from before but still there nonetheless.” + “His life went on like this for a while, as he kept more to himself rather than going out and talking to people” + “Behind closed doors, he started seeing things. He had started seeing figures out of the corner of his eyes, varying in shapes and sizes, but mainly, a slim tall man. He never got a good glimpse at it, though” + “Eventually, around 14 years old, the seeing things, hallucinations and delusions got worse for him. He went a bit manic, thinking worms were under his skin, causing him to hastily grab at and scrape off the skin surrounding his right eye in an attempt to ‘get them out’.” + “His brother found him in his room, sprawled out on the floor and passed out with scraps of skin and a puddle of blood beside him. This freaked his brother out, immediately calling for his father as he looked at Elias’ unmoving and bloody face on the ground” + “They took him to the hospital, diagnosing him with Schizophrenia and being unable to treat his wound. This would leave a scar for life on Elias, including partial blindness in his right eye” + “The doctors at the hospital talked to his father and brother about sending him to a mental hospital for his safety, so that’s what they did” + “He fought back and expressed how much he didn’t want to go, and that ‘they’re out to get him’, yet his father and brother still just sat there and watched as the truck Elias got shoved in took off, taking him to the mental hospital” + “His life was an endless loop for around two years, until one day, he went manic again” + “Under belief that there were ‘spiders crawling down his throat’, he once again hastily scraped at his neck, causing a ragged bleeding wound around his throat. A few security officers rushed into the room as he was in this state. In delusional haste, he quickly and angrily dug his nails into one of the officer's faces, cutting through the skin. At the unintended distraction, he quickly sped out of his room, heading towards the nearest exit with blurry vision” + “He was quickly reported as missing, a police search being sent out but them being unable to find him.” + “After he got out, he ran and ran until he was far enough away. He ran into a nearby forest, it being nighttime by the time he got there.” + “He had to survive there for another year, living off of animals to eat for survival. Until he turned 17” + “He didn’t know he had turned 17, as he had already lost track of time. He had still been seeing things for the past two years he was in the forest, having more small manic episodes where he would pick, scratch and bite at his skin. But he had still been seeing figures. Specifically, the tall one. One day, eventually, the tall figure approached him, and despite obvious resistance, the tall figure took him back to his broken-down manor in the woods.” 

anndd heres my art of him

most recent art of him vVv

still very unfinalized but i really wanted to share him cause i love him <3

#creepypasta #creepypasta oc #slenderman #my art #creepypasta art

[violentviolette]

i think i have aspd or traits . but i dont wanna go to a psych and be like " btw here are my symptoms ive never told u about before , have fun ! ( insert the entire ASPD criteria here ) . sorry " because that makes me look bad & i appear the opposite ( passive , fearful , not aggressive ) , & dont want to appear as a threat and i most definitely dont want them to think im manipulating them when im not ( like for example when im just telling them my symptoms regarding other conditions ) . and i dont want to admit to committing crimes incase they report me or i have to go through a security clearance for job reasons and they go thru my stuff . anyways as far as anyones concerned i seem nice but weird but not the type of person to have those kinds of symptoms , and i want it to keep my Good Girl(tm) image . but also . i dont want to start having legal issues , become dependent on substances , pursue any illegal occupation , etc since it would suck to get caught and im only 21 so i keep trying my best to avoid it everytime i almost continue with it , but i need help bad lol . any idea of what i should or can do ? anything helps

okay real talk but literally do exactly the opposite of everything ur doing and also get out of ur own head and stop overanalyzing every thought u have to find justifications for not doing the very simple basic first step towards what u know is the right thing to do but just dont want to because being vulnerable feels yucky and ur scared

i say this with genuine compassion and no judgement because i *absolutely* did and still sometimes do the same thing but unfortunately the only way to get urself out of that cycle is to get over urself and touch grass (encouragingly) so that u just Do The Thing u know u need to do

being open and honest with a therapist about ur thoughts and feelings is the only way to get any actual positive growth or help out of it. u cant fix what u dont talk about and keeping it all to urself will only drive u more and more insane. staying cooped up inside ur own mind without telling other ppl what ur thinking out loud creates a feedback loop of crazy. u gotta hear urself talk to another person sometimes to actually really *hear* urself, u know? ur brain is where the crazy is and u cant stay there alone and expect it to work out and get better. u have to talk it out and be confronted and challenged with other viewpoints to realize where urs are disordered if u look for reasons not to do something u will absolutely find them, and while i could offer rebuttels to a lot of ur concerns, things like how ur medical records and psych details are not that detailed. u doing illegal behavior like stealing or doing drugs is not something that gets listed on those and falls under patient confidentiality. the only thing that gets documented is the official diagnoses name which most therapists are going to be very reluctant to hardline diagnose someone with aspd (and even then it only gets logged with that practice and submitted to ur insurance only if ur seeking care like meds or hospital stays or get incarcerated. otherwise, if u dont tell someone "i saw dr.x at yclinic from 2019-2022, then they have no way of knowing or finding out what that dr wrote on their internal records/notes. there is no centralized database of "medical history" outside of ur insurance company and specific practices internal networks) individual symptoms like "illegal activity" do not get listed and unless ur planning on enrolling in the military or working for the feds no job is looking more deeply than that into ur history unless u personally volunteer it. what comes up when specific companies do background checks with a medical history is ur insurance records. ur insurance only knows what gets submitted to them specifically, if ur therapist doesnt file paperwork with ur insurance to list aspd as a diagnosis they are looking for ur insurance to pay them to treat u for specifically (instead of more generalized things like "depression" "anxiety" or just "mental health care" ect, which they have to get ur permission to do) then there's no paper trail of what u two talk about in that office or how ur "good girl" image is legitimately worthless garbage and will grant u absolutely nothing in life and clinging to it in the false hope that other ppls perceptions of u will change who u actually are and make u happy is only gonna lead u to looking at ur shitty unhappy life in 5 years and being filled with nothing but regret and anger and wanting to kill urself or that while u cant know or control how ur therapist sees u or reacts to the things u share with them, u can control who they are. if u fuck up with this therapist or it takes a turn u dont like or they start treating u badly, u can very much just get another one. u can request a different person at the same clinic for any reaosn or u could switch clinics entirely. most insurance in the us is taken by more than 1 provider in an area and there are almost always multiple practices that take the local insurance. and even then, if u wanna drive 45mins to see a therapist a town over cause u burned a bridge with this one u can do that. ur not beholden to a single person, u can get dozens and dozens of opinions. ive had over 15 different therapists in my life. if u fuck up with one u can always get another

but all those rebuttals dont really matter because if u want to, i have no doubt u could find counter points to all those points. i know i could if i tried. so really it just comes down to the simple question of are u going to keep standing in ur own way or are u going to cut the bullshit and take it seriously and do the hard thing because u know its what u need to do? ur young still, uve got so much time, dont waste more of it waiting for the perfect solution or situation because it will never exist. do it now, do it messy, do it scared, fuck it up and get it wrong a bunch, and then try again and again until it works

#jack.speaks #aspd #aspd tag #actually aspd #i know that was a lot and sounds harsh but this is honestly how i talk to myself #and its been the most effective way for me to cut thru my own shit #so pls know im not trying to judge u or be mean or hurt ur feelings or put u down in any way #this is all shit ive told myself before because sometimes u just have to be blunt and say the quiet part out loud to get thru to urself #so i hope that helps u to and i hope u start doing the real work to get better #because u deserve to get better and to have a good life that u enjoy living