#i should invest in iron supplements
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gimli headcanons:
likes doing laundry. finds it soothing
history nerd!! loves reading old tombs/biographies of his ancestors
is incredibly intelligent. beats frodo in chess. would beat gandalf but gandalf cheats. has been in a stalemate with aragorn for two and a half years.
well mannered but chooses to forgo his politeness to make a point. especially around elves.
does NOT like horses. not just riding them, which is canon, but actually dislikes the animal itself. the reasons why include (but are not limited to) :
he does not like being not on ground. he does not have a fear of heights so much as a fear of… feet not on ground. as evidenced by refusal to jump, treehouses, and well, horses
he does not like their faces. they are long and have eyes on the side like prey. gimli thinks this is deceiving as horses are very large and can kick in someone’s skull. not his skull.
gimli believes that in a one on one match with a horse, he could easily win. he has thought of several, very specific, scenarios of this and has a detailed plan of attack should this situation occur.
they so easily turned against their home for an evil overlord (read: sauron stole all the black horses from rohan) and therefore cannot be trusted. as a rule, anything that willing you let you ride it cannot be trusted. they can’t be satisfied with this life. they are plotting something.
believes he would be great at drums. it’s just hitting things hard and he’s pretty strong.
ok, another thing about horses: they are fragile to a ridiculous extent. you breath wrong and it breaks. they have bad bones and bad blood flow in their legs, and their legs are all that they’re used for. he doesn’t understand why humans invested so much time into horses when they’re genetically bad at what they are meant to do. he’d feel bad for the horses if they weren’t so awful.
drinks coffee, not tea
takes great with the up keeping of his gear. he sharpens his axes, polishes his boots, shines his armor and waxes his mustache. that’s not gear, but he takes great pride in looking groomed and caring for his belongings.
has an axe for every occasion. battle axe? do you want throwing or slashing. a day on the town? have you seen this intricately carved masterpiece that also is a weapon? doffing a hole? PICKAXE. cutting a cake? how about an axe???
hates the rain because it ruins his hair and beard. also loves the rain because it ruins legolas’s hair and clothes.
will eat anything. has a great tolerance for spice. contrary to popular belief, dwarves are not shy of seasoning but are very cautious around other races in fear of poisoning their friends
will also eat some rocks. salty is his favorite (halite, hanksite, glauberite) but also likes to add chunks of chalcanthite to his food for a slightly sweet yet metalic flavor. this is also slightly (SLIGHTLY) poisonous as evidenced by sharing his trail mix with boromir
also calls dirt the “local seasoning”
will taste dirt to try and get a feeling for the land. this tells him the acidity, weather, possible wildlife, and also pisses off legolas
actaully genuinely likes the taste of dirt. (note: if you desire to eat clay/dirt that is a symptom of iron deficiency. for gimli, he eats spoonfuls of the stuff like their supplements because as a kid it was fed to him like multivitamins)
OK SO HEAR ME OUT: lack of sunlight can cause really low hemoglobin and ferritin (a blood protein that contains iron) sooo being constantly in dark caves can cause some forms of iron deficiency. because dwarves are conscious of their young, dwarf children often grow up not often being in direct sunlight.
the solution? dirt. dirt contains iron and other tasty minerals that are good for the body. charcoal has natural antioxidants. so does clay. am i saying that momma gimli (unnamed) fed her son ash and clumps of dirt? yes. also bits of broken pottery. it’s also good of the immune system.
fr tho clay/dirt/charcoal are the dwarven multivitamins. you have a tummy-ache? here, have a rock. i truly believe this was scientifically proven by dwarves and only FOR dwarves (plz do not eat dirt)
fuckin loves mushrooms. has a mushroom log at home. whenever dwarves find some fungai in a cave they go feral
likes dogs. thinks it’s great that they dig holes. thinks it’s fantastic that the bury things in holes. absolutes loves when they get muddy, and then shake off all water and dirt all over you.
when he came back home with the name lockbearer, a lot of the dwarves thought it was really cool and he has some sort of elven puzzle that requires a code to unlock something. imagine their surprise when he rocks up and is like: no, even better. HAIRS. three of them.
enjoys making mudpies- made them as a kid with his cousins, (mostly with rock slurry) and continues to, even even as an adult.
made them on the fellowship with the hobbits. taught them all about the best types of dirt and the water-to-soil- ratio needed.
while cutting up slices of his pie, he offered one to boromir, who in good nature, took it, clearly thinking it was just part of the bit.
poor boromir was locked in a stalemate after gimli cut his own slice, and began eating it.
to his credit, boromir did brave a few bites, but had to stop once he nearly had a mouthful of maggots
“protein”
gimli is like crazy good at hair. can braid quickly and efficiently in elaborate styles
picked up eleven hair style techniques in lorien (quicker than legolas) and was forced to relay them to the elf through twine as there is no way he’s letting grubby elf fingers to touch his glorious mane that’s been decades in the making
would ask for a drink “on the rocks” and get slightly upset if it did not come back with actual rocks
#lord of the rings#jrr tolkien#lotr#legolas#lotr headcanons#lotr gimli#gimli son of gloin#gimli#dwarves#lord of the rings headcanons#the lord of the rings#dwarf#and my axe#axes#jrrt#jolkien rolkien rolkien tolkien#middle earth#mines of moria#tolkien headcanons#misty mountains#gimli and legolas#gimli headcanons#the fellowship#the fellowship of the ring#moria#ered luin#durins folk#durins bane#gimli lockbearer#three hunters
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Start Gymming.
Cardio, Pilates, Light Lifting, Rowing, Incline Walking, and Sauna. All you need to get toned. I do all of this and spend around an hour and ten minutes at the gym every day, I walk for fun, and I feel and look amazing. My arms and legs are toned, my stomach looks great, and I’m so much more limber and look forward to working out. I set a goal to go to the gym every day for 30 days and I was looking forward to it and seeing real results by the 21st day, I made friends and found a workout partner, and picked up a new hobby. I go to the gym for aesthetic reasons and there’s nothing wrong with admitting that but I also make sure to have a good time as well.
Eyebrow and Eyelash Serum Religiously.
I mean it, the eyes are the windows to your soul and your brows and lashes frame your eyes. I use The Ordinary’s Brow and Lash serum and I swear by it; it works miracles to help my brows and lashes look lush, feel healthy, and grow super quickly. I used three other serums before I settled on The Ordinary’s serum and found that I didn’t love the results and that the price I was paying was ridiculous. You don’t need to buy any super expensive products and you shouldn’t chase after dream results or expect to see them without remaining consistent but I do think that a good lash and brow serum can work wonders.
Better Eating.
Intuitive eating, calorie deficit eating, cooking at home more often, eating more, mending your terrible relationship with food, whatever you want to call it. We could all eat a little bit better and start creating healthy habits and they don’t need to revolve around losing weight, you create your own goals and you can tailor them to what works best for you and what you need to do. I’m not going to go on a long rant and tell you when and what you should be eating or make meal plans for anyone but I do encourage finding a happy medium and figuring out ways to make the thought of food less stressful. I think tnat most women these days have issues with eating too much or not eating enough and it’s good to find ways to not feel guilt when eating and ways to find eating pleasurable again.
Getting Outside.
Spring has finally sprung, the weather has gotten better, and it’s time to get outside again. It’s so important to get fresh air and sunlight and you should be doing your best to spend some time outside every day. I walk on my lunch breaks and in the mornings, I walk my cat, and I try to eat outside and do an outdoor activity on the weekends and I think it’s good for me.
Haircare and Skincare.
Every woman needs a haircare and skincare routine, that’s all. Everyone has skin but no matter your skin type, you do need to use a moisturiser, everyone should exfoliate twice weekly, I wash my makeup brushes and sponges every week and as needed too, I think that you should be double cleansing, and everyone of every colour needs sunscreen. Moving on to hair, everyone should have a washing and conditioning routine and schedule, you should do a hair masque once a week or a hot oiling treatment, and I think hair glossing should be done twice a month for the best look. You should be investing in your skincare and haircare so that you feel confident when you’re barefaced.
Water and Supplements.
I have a whole list of supplements and medications that I take every day and I think they help me greatly, I drink nearly a gallon of water and have cut down on the Diet Coke, and I feel good. I had a blood test and started taking an iron supplement a while back and also decided to take folic acid and I’ve felt much better, I take B-12 which helps calm the jitters I get from my Vyvanse, and I take chlorophyll as an addition to my water and I’m in love with it.
Laundry.
I do laundry thrice weekly and then whenever is needed outside of that. I wash my clothes on Saturdays and my sheets on Sundays and Wednesdays, I use bleach and a heavy sanitiser, I have a routine for washing my white clothes, and it’s a pain in the ass but I look and feel good, I don’t smell like my cat, and it feels good to be so on top of things. I also vacuum and clean twice weekly, I make sure that there are no dishes in the sink, and I keep my closet and living space as tidy as possible. It feels good to have a clean home and clean clothes and you won’t ever regret creating positive habits.
Friendships.
I believe in having friends but also being comfortable having boundaries; the woman who insists upon being the friend of everyone is the friend of no one - including herself. It’s important to surround yourself with people but it’s not worth doing that unless they’re good people who you’re able to call out, have boundaries with, and maintain positive relationships with. If your friends don’t have positive energy, don’t treat you well, and you don’t feel good around them plus aren’t able to grow alongside them, then you should consider moving on from the friendship.
Casual Dating.
Your late teens and early twenties should be reserved for casual dating and self growth. You should feel as if every relationship you get into has to end in marriage, you shouldn’t be overly stressed about the idea of marriage, and you should feel desperate. You won’t do well if you have never had a boyfriend/dated/had sex and you feel forced to do so by society. There’s nothing wrong with casual dates, meeting people, and having a good time and not every man should be taken seriously. Don’t waste your tears on men, don’t sleep with anyone you don’t want to, and make sure to have fun. Dating is only as serious as you want it to be.
Responsibility.
I have this talk with Oma all the time and I believe her when she tells me that the first and only person I’m responsible for is myself. I’m not responsible for living up to her ideals, I’m not responsible for impressing my parents or my parents’ friends, I’m not supposed to live for anyone but myself and all that matters is living in a way that makes me proud. Your life is yours to live and you’re the one who’ll have to live with yourself once everyone you know is gone, don’t fall into the trap of letting others live vicariously through you, don’t chase after ideals and fates that were never your own, and try your best to take responsibility for your own actions.
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New Year, New Deity, Day 22: Early Cleric Feats
As we continue helping you build your cleric, I'm going to highlight just a few feat choices in the early levels that you should strongly consider to help ensure your cleric is effective and fun to play! Each feat is linked to the Archives of Nethys for easy reference.
Level 1 Feats
Domain Initiate - Depending on your cleric's domains, this is a strong contender for level 1 feats. Focus spells give you reasonable per-encounter spell options, and taking this multiple times will increase your focus pool each time, up to the cap of 3 points.
Harming Hands/Healing Hands - These spells mirror each other, but I wouldn't recommend them equally. If you want to focus on using your divine font to harm your enemies, Harming Hands adds approximately 1 damage per spell rank to the spell. I don't think that that is super worth it for Healing Hands to increase healing, as the flat +8 per rank for the 2-action version is often quite sufficient. However, do consider this feat if you are in a campaign in which you fight a significant number of undead.
Reach Spell - This recommendation is for the cloistered cleric only. Whenever you use reach spell, it's like you walked forward 30 feet, cast your spell, then walked back to where you started. It's a solid action-saver that can keep you out of harm's way.
Level 2 Feats
Cantrip Expansion - Increasing the number of cantrips prepared means you can enter each adventuring day with either more utility or a greater selection of damage types. It's always a solid option.
Emblazon Armament - This feat is definitely stronger with shields, especially thanks to Raise Symbol. While the +1 status bonus to damage isn't super amazing, the hardness on your shield is super solid. Plus, it allows you to cast spells that require a holy symbol while having your hands full. (3-action heal/harm is probably the most prevalent one).
Rapid Response - While I only really like this spell in a Battle Medicine Build, I do think it is solid there, doing a mediocre impression of Doctor's Visitation. It ensures you can quickly get to any ally that might go down in combat and get them back up quickly while still having the actions for further offense.
Level 4 Feats
Ironically, the two top picks for level 4 feats aren't on the Archives yet, as they are part of the remaster.
Raise Symbol - This isn't on the Archives yet, but it's a very nice option. Get a +2 status bonus to saves whenever you raise your shield. Note that a Cloistered Cleric can still emblazon and use a shield, they just can't shield block with it, making the feat tree less attractive than for a Warpriest.
Sacred Ground - While it may not seem like a lot, it can supplement healing if you don't want to focus heavily on Medicine investment, giving you a decent way to keep party members healed in between encounters and freeing skill feats that might be spent on things like Continual Recovery for other things.
Level 6 Feats
Cast Down - If you're a Harm Font, or fight a lot of undead with a Healing Font, Cast Down is quite strong. For an extra action, you make an enemy automatically go prone when you hurt them with a Harm spell, provided they don't critically succeed on their saving throw.
Divine Rebuttal - This isn't on the Archives, but is a solid support option for Warpriests. If an enemy uses a magical ability on an ally, you get a free strike, and can also give your ally a bonus to their saving throw if you hit. It's a solid way to sometimes get an extra MAPless strike, though often isn't quite as good as reactive strike due to the trigger requirements.
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Today I got back to the Iron Series, after I had to take time off to finish my article and then I took a week to just like, survive and heal from the anxiety lol. Did Day 20 which is an upper body + abs day. The abs kicked my ass, I need to get back into running.
Did a 25 minute run/walk sequence on the treadmill afterwards to increase heart rate and do some legit cardio, sitting in the sauna right now. 🔥 🔥 🔥
I decided to go ahead and invest in some supplements today. I already take pre-workout, and I take creatine + protein powder after a workout. Some of the supplements I'm excited about, like this Night Shred that's got ashwaganda and melatonin (a combo I liked in my last sleep aid) and some other stuff I've been interested in trying. Should get here by next week, hopefully they're at least half of what they're cracked up to be.
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Bitch Pills for Dogs: Ensuring a Healthy Start for Your Furry Family
Puppies are a great source of happiness. Their loveable and playful nature can bring delight and bliss to a home, and only pet lovers like me can truly understand the importance of their existence. My personal experience says puppies can bring immense happiness and positively impact our lives. Therefore, it’s an exciting time when you welcome a new litter of puppies into your home premises. I have met this exciting time that increased my responsibilities. So, you should be a responsible dog owner by providing your pet with the best care during pregnancy.
One of the most optimal and proven approaches to my pet care is Bitch Pills, introduced by Thomas Pet Earlier. These are specially formulated prenatal vitamins for dogs, keeping them happy during pregnancy and post-pregnancy periods and supporting their developing puppies. If you have a dog going through this crucial stage of life or recently delivered puppies, this blog post is for you. Keep reading to delve into the benefits of this product I have experienced for my dog and puppies.
Introducing Bitch Pills - Prenatal Vitamins for Dogs
Bitch Pills are an essential addition to the prenatal care routine of your dog. This product supports healthy pregnancy and newborn development by delivering essential vitamins, minerals, and micronutrients.
Pills meet the needs of developing puppies by supporting the dog’s systems. It contains docosahexaenoic acid (DHA, an omega-3 fatty acid), folic acid, iron, and zinc to support the development and function of puppies’ organs, including the brain, central nervous tissue, and vision.
Fennel seed contained in these Pills helps the dog mom produce milk. This liver-flavored prenatal vitamin-rich product doubles as a postnatal lactation formula to assist moms in providing the highest quality milk possible for their puppies.
Importance of Prenatal Vitamins for Dogs
Like humans, dogs also require supplementary nutrition during pregnancy to support their puppies. Prenatal vitamins are an excellent source for completing nutrient deficiencies. And I experienced that its vital nutrients supported the healthy and optimal growth of my dog’s growing puppies.
Bitch Pills are specifically formulated to support and meet pregnant dogs’ diverse and unique needs. I thoroughly reviewed the vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants this product contains and then invested in it. With a well-balanced blend of these nutrients, this supplement dramatically improved the mom’s overall well-being and contributed to the puppies’ healthier development and growth.
Key Benefits of Bitch Pills
Promotes Healthy Fetal Development
Bitch Pills are a perfect blend of essential nutrients, including iron, folic acid, and calcium, supporting my puppies’ proper growth and development. These nutrients are pivotal in developing a strong skeletal system, muscular structure, and vital organs in my lovely puppies.
Supports the Mom’s Health
Pregnancy can affect your dog’s physical health conditions, and I experienced it. However, by administering Bitch Pills, I could be able to support the mom’s overall health and well-being. These Pills gave the mom dog the energy she needed while boosting the immune system. Consequently, I saw the Pills enabled her to deliver well-developed puppies.
Enhances Milk Production
Once puppies have been delivered, Bitch Pills continue supporting the mom’s health by enhancing milk production. This way, the puppies’ early life stages are greatly supported because they receive proper nourishment.
Easy to Administer and Safe
Bitch Pills are easy to administer because they are tablets. I crush the tablets and mix them with the dog’s favorite meals. The manufacturer focuses on the safety and quality aspects of these Pills and ensures that this product is made using premium-quality ingredients and high-quality control standards. I found that veterinarians developed these prenatal vitamins; their safety and effectiveness have been tested and verified.
My Overall Positive Review
Positive experiences have been reported by dog owners who have experienced Bitch Pills for their pregnant dogs. However, I first investigated the effectiveness of this product by asking my social circle and Facebook users. I found many positive reviews, and almost all users of this product have observed enhanced energy, improved maternal well-being, and stronger offspring. Most Pills users appreciated the convenient administration and the peace of mind of providing their furry friends with essential nutrients during pregnancy.
When I started using these Pills, I gradually felt improvement in my dog. As a result, my dog delivered healthy puppies. Even after the birth, I still administer the Pills to my dog, helping her stay healthy and fit.
Wrap-up
Ensuring proper delivery of nutrition is essential for maintaining the well-being of your pregnant dog and her puppies. Bitch Pills by Thomas Pet Earlier offer a complete solution, providing essential nutrients to support a healthy pregnancy and the optimal development and growth of the puppies. By incorporating these prenatal vitamins into my dog’s routine, I made the right decision to enhance the overall wellness of my furry family. Based on my overall experience, I recommend you invest in Bitch Pills today and support your dog during this crucial life stage.
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Okay, you want some actual good tips for eating better and as a result feeling better? I have five rough steps in the order I took them, as well as some advice for everything underneath.
1. Know your body and accept its not like everyone else's. Lables are put there for what the average healthy person should be, and not every calorie goal is going to suit you. I'm a very big person with a very low metabolism for example, I started to eat two smaller meals a day and I lost a good amount of weight and felt amazing. Quite simply, nobody is going to be the average person.
2. Invest in yourself, even if not with money. Spend time looking at nutrition lables, they're so important and there for a reason even if they don't cater to you. Knowing how much salt, sugar, protein, and fiber go into your body each day are especially important. Take your time to read the lables.
3. Use tools. A cheap electric scale that can help you get a correct portion size? Great! Using a measuring cup to get just the right amount of some cheap mac n cheese? Excellent. Online nutrition calculators that can help you figure out some specifics for you? Amazing. Figure out where you stand and where you want to be, but please never ever hate yourself.
4. Meal prepping. You've heard it a million times, and you may not have the time or energy for it, that's okay, but I didn't think I could either. Once I started eating better, I had more energy to spend on things like this, and tip, you can just make a giant pot of mac n cheese and stick a label in it. Meal prepping doesn't need to fancy containers of three or four tiny dishes in rectangle containers, it just needs to be able to help with not overeating.
5. Investing more than just time. Eventually, you may decide to want to get tools to help you make tastier food, or at least better quality. I recommend a blender to help you smooth vegetables into sauces and an air fried to make healthier versions of the foods you love without the grease or excessive salt.
Things to keep in mind:
1. Not all food is inherently bad. Some definitely have more than what you should in food, but goshdarnit if you want to treat yourself to a little fast food once a week, do it!
2. If multivitamins help you get your nutrients, get the goshdarn multivitamins. You don't need anything fancy, I have a 8-10 dollar bottle of 100 that will last me a few months. (NO IRON SUPPLEMENTS, GET VITAMIN ENRICHED CEREAL TRUST ME)
3. Exercise is something that is necessary. Is it much better for the process if you do exercise? Yes, definitely. Can some people not physically do it? Yeah. You don't have to if you can't for any reason.
4. Don't cut out something completely, like sugar or salt. Ya need that shit.
5. Don't ever ever ever hate yourself for your own health, weight, appearance, or anything like that. Mental health is so important goshdarn, and someone loves you so much I swear it. Don't take yourself for granted, people love you and want you to be happy.
6. Starving yourself won't make you happy. Ever.
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Dieting And Healthy Eating Guidelines
While most will seek to wrap Dr. Atkins into a neat little package, medical research does not fully vindicate him or fully condemn him. Because your different eulogies roll out, I have experienced several already that misconstrue his diet and then half-heartedly defend it. Sympathy for his passing doesn't make Medical professional. Atkins right, just as his dying does not prove him wrong (slipping on the ice whilst getting exercise gives him ranking. He lived his recommendations). I am not an Atkins' follower, but I'm both a Naturopathic Doctor and a medical researcher, with a solid grounding in nutrition and biochemistry. My comments are based chiefly on the new Diet book, (Dr.Atkins' New Diet Revolution, 2002) using a few comments on Atkins For Day-to-day.
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Another benefit of ketosis is once your get in the state of ketosis and burn off of the fat you'r body often be depleted of carbs. Anyone load at the carbs great look as full as ever ( with less bodyfat! ) which is perfect these occasions on weekends whenever you to the beach or parties!
For instance, consider calcium supplement. Let's say you get enough iron in your diet but don't get much else. Many foods that are rich in iron are poor in calcium and too a diet lacking calcium can all cause poor bone development and bone bereavement. So to obtain both iron and calcium you must balance meals choices and eat regular of simultaneously.
Keto Guidelines In my opinion, however, the burning question in the area of low-carb foods is: shall we be getting outside of the real point of the low-carb diet? Unhealthy foods are what got us into the obesity epidemic that we're in of late.
One among the simplest healthy eating approaches to kids is to get your whole family help. That way, the children are involved in preparation belonging to the food and sit together to take care of. You can have a sitting together children and suggest the types of foods you'd like them to include in their diet. Lifetime Keto Review should be allowed come up with suggestions for foods would certainly want to act as replacements. This is as long as they are in the same food groups as your blog.
Keto acidosis mustn't be confused with Keto, that's one of your body's normal processes for that metabolism of body a lot of fat. In ketoacidosis, the accumulation of keto acids is so extremely severe how the pH belonging to the blood is substantially lessened. This is caused more from starvation rather n comparison to the type of food you eat.
Drink involving water when consuming lots of protein. Method will want it to keep digestion working well. Keep your fiber high steer clear of constipation.
It doesn't suggest that beneficial are already on sticking to your diet you likewise become strong. Actually, it is the most affected with your life because are avoiding enough food to provide the nutrients that it deserves. You may become slimmer the health will be in great danger. The only thing that a person can do is to invest into dietary supplements that besides from losing weight it furthermore provide physique with the nutrients that is required. There are of products which promises through the years of benefits but tastes it doesn't give physical structure the correct quantity of energy to do intense event. With the Ketogenic Diet you will not just achieve the perfect body can wish to see but these types of also acquire huge quantity of energy that you're able to use to attempt other job or the aerobic exercise.
Effective Carbs can be divided into two basic groups: simple and complex sugar. Simple carbs are rapidly converted into glucose by the body while complex carbs (which, as the name implies, are more in structure) generally much more to come to be glucose.
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It is a fucking wonder that I don't have SEVERE anemia when I've had fucking TERRIBLE nosebleeds since I was a mcfucking baby.
Proof under the cut.
#ace rambles#blood#tw blood#cw blood#a fucking WONDER#i would make a very good partner to a vampire#i used to get these every other day but now it's more like every couple weeks#i simply have too much blood!#also blood tastes bad and i hate it#like i REALLY don't need this right now of all times#i should invest in iron supplements#also i should drink a lot of water#it's coagulated#i poke it and it flips around in the cup#like a pudding#lol gross#i collected it on a win but now I'm really wondering what to do with it#it almost seems like a waste to just break it up and send it down the drain
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I had bloodwork done and everything is fine except my ferritin is literally 1/8 of where it should be so all I'm saying is like.....if theres any hot broody vampires who are ALSO on a diet out there....I'm available
#i joke but im ALREADY on ridiculously high iron supplements#idk if my body just doesnt absorb shit or what#THIS IS PROBABLY WHY IM ALWAYS TIRED#im on so many meds and supplements i should invest in an old person med organizer#im in iron vitamin c and d and biotin#2 psychiatric meds#AND im starting a nasty collagen protein powder smoothie thing every morning#OH AND VITAMIN B COMPLEX
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Important Supplements for Restriction/Fasts
This is a list with the nutrients people are most often deficient in and that I find to be lacking in my diet when restricting. A lot of the negative effects of restricting, including cravings, come from insufficient micronutrient consumption.
Please note that this is just a general list and that your needs may be different. I use Cronometer to track my daily nutrient intake then balance with supplements.
- Iron: obvious one to avoid anaemia, needs to be taken with Vitamin C and at least 2h away from any meals for ideal absorption
- Magnesium: necessary for muscle functioning and electrolyte balance, helps with water retention and headaches
- Calcium: also obvious, no one wants their bones to become Swiss cheese, you need good vitamin D and hormone levels for absorption, if you’re not getting your period you NEED to take the pill in order for the process to work well
- Vitamin D: the happy nutrient, especially in winter everyone should be taking it, lacking vitamin D affects your general health (including mental) badly
- Vitamin B12: again, everyone is deficient and it’s not good, take your B12, though you might not need as much as you think as it’s present in almost every supplement and vegan milk product, use Cronometer to get your daily requirement
- Potassium: ESSENTIAL electrolyte, you often find magnesium/potassium combo supplements, again Cronometer to track exact needs, but it’s a good idea after purging too
- Folate, zinc, biotin: putting these together as they’re often found in combo supplements, important for healthy skin & hair, if you’re restricting you should probably take all of these
- Sodium: super important for electrolyte balance, you do actually need a small amount of sodium, and if you’re not eating and maybe even purging, or avoid it completely in your food because of diet culture bullshit, this is a problem. assuming that you don’t regularly binge on high sodium foods, you should always salt your food (just a little), and when fasting, please for the love of god have a cup of broth per day
- Omega 3: the allrounder that supports just about everything including metabolism, heart health, skin, nails & hair, and of course brain function. I know they’re on the more expensive side, but considering we’re already brain fried they might be worth investing the ~10$ per month, especially since fats tend to be fearfoods and thereby avoided. if you still eat some fats try and have seafoods (especially mackerel & salmon) and nuts and seeds (chia, flax, walnuts, hemp) as often as possible.
- Probiotics & Prebiotics: an unbalanced microbiome can have a bunch of negative effects, such as on your mood, digestion, bloating, but also increasing cravings for highcal foods. if you have issues with digestion consider talking to a doctor or getting supplements on your own accord. I will make another post about everything on digestion and laxatives with more details.
#thinsperation#promiia#thiinpso#thiinspi#thiinspo#thiinspiration#thinspx#ana diary#thinspi#thinspo aesthetic#thinspo board#fitspo#proanna#thinsppi#fitness thinspo#fit thinspo#ana recipe#proanna tips#proo ana
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Regarding Food
A lot of misinformation is flooding my food post without any thought for the consequences that spreading negative or misguided opinions and presenting them as fact can pose.
Please be mindful of all information you choose to share through reblogs, or otherwise, and take everything you read with a large grain of salt, even what I am writing, keep yourself educated via research and realize that what works for you may not always work best for other people or vice versa.
At no point, did I suggest that people should mirror my diet. I would never recommend such a thing. I didn't even suggest what my dietary preferences or lifestyle was in that post. I just stated my take on home cooking and relayed general advice about keeping ourselves better informed and safe.
I am not sure where people are getting the idea they can go off talking about topics like they are nutritionists or scientists or anything else they clearly are not educated or certified for, but egos like to inflate for popularity. If such people were truly that intelligent they wouldn't present the inability alone to site reputable resources of information, which a professional in those fields would comprehend is important to give when discussing sensitive topics that could effect public safety and hold them liable.
I do not see the logic of correcting people more personally as there’s too many to address and I don’t have enough patience to socialize that deeply and I'm not invested; especially, when I am seeing topics brought up discussing the vegan lifestyle and political parties that are totally unrelated to anything I said.
I don’t care what side of the fence you’re standing on and I am likely to hurt your feelings about it. There are people over-reacting to something personal. If this were a lawn in real life, I would tell you to stay off the grass before yelling about getting your shoes dirty.
Also, stop generalizing breast implants as safe! Risks of getting gel or silicone implants, include but are not limited to the following: allergic reaction, inflammation, joint pain, blood clots, infection (which can lead to sepsis), cancer, etc. Women who get them are at higher risk of developing or aggravating mental illnesses relating to drug abuse and suicidal thoughts. Stop using that reasoning to support the consumption of it in foods!
Here's some resources about breast surgery and the percentages of removals: center4research // info by the fda // by plasticsurgery.org
Here are some health facts about l-cysteine and it’s side effects in supplement form and yes it’s an amino acid naturally occurring in the human anatomy, but just as we can not be consuming an excess of salt (sodium chloride) and iron, we are not supposed to consume an excess of this amino acid that gets put in common foods.
Bread is known for possessing this amino acid and other ingredients that people consume in excess and then wonder why later on in age they have obtained heart disease or diabetes. Bread in many ways is unhealthy for many people (whether it's because of gluten, amino acids, sugars, etc). By sharing this information, I was not implying literal human hair is being put into food; nor was I dismissing the other existing issues of the food industry at large, because I don’t have the energy, time or expertise to cover all of that.
However, there are other sources that imply this amino acid can be supplied and consumed via supplement to treat medical conditions like osteoarthritis and diabetes as well.
Some of this information at a non-discerning glance can seem contradicting, but this might be nuanced based on your own chemistry. You can read about that here for example.
This is something that can only be properly and professionally assessed by your own doctor or a nutritionist and/or a pharmacist depending on the situation. You may need blood work and other tests done. We all have our own needs based on dietary history, genetics, culture, etc. and that’s the logic you should be applying to your personal wellness while maintaining the boundaries of other people’s.
Just as it can be harmful to consume, it can also be beneficial. I am fully aware of that, but knowing it can be helpful isn’t an excuse to invalidate the instances it can hurt myself or others. Stop insulting people for being wary, when we have every reason to be so.
Not all people in the world are capable of eating things that are regulated or choosing to do so indiscriminately.
Being regulated does not mean something is good for everyone. The food industry as a whole is over $8 trillion and they don't care about you beyond thinking you're just another statistic.
I was sharing a few key examples of why I choose to cook from scratch and that was it. I am not aiming to change people's minds about eating synthetics or chemicals or anything else risky. That's your choice and I'm not the type to judge people over what they eat or don't eat. I've known people who eat glue and they were no less intelligent or valuable for it.
I have my moments where I will eat things that are not the best for me still. It's not the end of the world. I can hate something and choose to adapt to it however I see fit. I think demanding people adapt a specific way is apathetic and short-minded to their own experiences. Choose to eat whatever you want. Just like it's my choice to to eat more foods that are natural and find ways to improve my quality of life. :)
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When are you updating predatory loan? I miss my boys
Hope you don't mind, but I'm gonna use this as an opportunity to spill the deets on what's been going on with me, medically speaking!
Essentially I had a period that lasted about three months, nonstop. I'm on birth control now and I'm taking iron supplements, and while I'm still a bit anemic I'm feeling a lot better than I was. Predatory Loan updates should start up again fairly soon; I'm getting my legs back under me and I'm just about ready to start working again!
On another note, thank you so much for the message! It touches my heart to know that people are still invested in my dumb lil vampire comic, and hearing someone else call the gang "my boys" fills me with warm fuzzies~
(If you wanna hit me with an idea for a PL doodle I would hella not object; I've been building my metaphorical drawing muscles back up by doing DP stuff but I should really start with the boys again before I try to do a full page)
(image text under the cut!)
Last summer I started getting violently dizzy every time I stood up. I was tired all the time, had trouble climbing hills and stairs, and whenever I did anything even remotely strenuous I would struggle not to vomit.
I stopped working on Predatory Loan because I had no energy at all. I couldn't draw, and I couldn't do anything else either.
Turns out I was super duper anemic! Ironic, considering I'm working on a vampire comic. I guess the bright side is this gave me a good idea of what Carter goes through on a daily basis, haha.
#Predatory Loan#So that's what's been up with me lol#if your uterus starts throwing a temper tantrum take my advice and see someone before it gets Bad#tw anemia#tw periods#tw nausea
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Cheap Vegan Essentials
With everything going on right now, I thought may be useful to repost an edited version of my list of cheap vegan groceries. Most of this is standard stuff but if you’re used to ready meals and faux meats but you can’t get them with the panic buying, this post may prove helpful to you. A lot of these have a really long shelf life as well, so they will be useful if you end up isolating. You may struggle to find some of these items with people clearing the shelves, but it will hopefully help to know what to keep a look out for. Just please avoid stockpiling. It is sensible to have these items in your cupboard but you should only buy what you need.
Rice: Rice is an extremely cheap and filling staple. A cup of rice contains roughly 45 grams of carbohydrates and 4-5 grams of protein. In an airtight container it lasts at least 6 months.
Beans: Beans are one of the most accessible protein sources and have been a staple around the world for thousands of years. Just one cup of soybeans, for example, contains a massive 28.62 grams of protein, while even standard baked beans contain around 14 grams. They also contain lysine, which is missing from most other plant sources.
Chickpeas: Chickpeas can be purchased very cheaply canned, and in large bags in bulk if you’re willing to prep them yourself. Each cup contains about 15 grams of protein, tonnes of fibre as well as magnesium and folate.
Lentils: Similar to chickpeas, lentils can be bought canned or in large bags. A cup of cooked lentils contains a massive 18 grams of protein, they also lower cholesterol, improve heart health and help stabilise blood sugar.
Oats: Oats are very cheap, can be bought in bulk and have great shelf life. They are high in protein, fibre, and B12; they are even thought to help lower blood pressure and cholesterol.
Cereals: Most cereals, especially supermarket’s own brand products are very cheap. Whole grain cereals like bran or oat based products are high in fiber, calcium and iron, and most are fortified with B vitamins.
Pasta: Pasta is another great product to always have on hand, it is one of the least expensive items in any supermarket, can be bought in bulk and has a very long shelf life. Depending on the type, pasta can be a good source of fibre and carbohydrates; it is a high energy food and is very filling.
Potatoes: Potatoes are one of the cheapest foods available in most supermarkets, at an average of just $0.56 per pound. They are versatile, filling and despite their reputation as unhealthy, they are an excellent source B6 and a good source of potassium, copper, vitamin C, manganese, phosphorus, niacin, dietary fiber, and pantothenic acid.
Sweet potatoes: Sweet potatoes are as versatile as white potatoes, are high in vitamins B6, C, D, iron, magnesium and potassium. They’re also a more balanced source of energy than white potatoes, as their natural sugars release slowly, avoiding blood-sugar spikes.
Noodles: Many varieties of noodles are vegan, they are very cheap and last a long time. Noodles are very filling and contain high levels of B vitamins, vitamin E, magnesium, iron, riboflavin, and calcium.
Nut butters: Depending on the type, nut butters can be purchased very cheaply. It has a surprisingly good shelf life, is an excellent source of heart healthy fats and is very high in protein.
Falafel: Falafel is usually cheap to buy pre-made but it is even cheaper when made at home just using chickpeas and spices. It is filling, can be used to make great vegan burgers and is a good source of protein, fat and soluble fibre.
Hummus: Though buying pre-prepared hummus is usually relatively cheap, it is far more cost effective to make your own in larger quantities, depending on the recipe you usually only need chickpeas, tahini and lemon.
Couscous: Couscous can be great in salad or as its own side dish, it is cheap to buy and is a convenient option since it is so easy to prepare. It is a good source of lean protein, dietary fibre and B vitamins.
Tofu: Tofu has an odd reputation for being expensive, quite probably among people who have never bought it. Tofu has been a Chinese staple for thousands of years, it is now widely available in supermarkets and is far cheaper than comparable animal products, averaging less than $2 per pound. It is filling and is high in both protein and calcium. If you find it expensive in your local supermarket, try a Chinese market or world foods store. It will keep for months if you freeze it.
Tempeh: Tempeh is similar to tofu in price and use, but has a different texture and slightly different nutritional properties. The fermentation process and its retention of the whole bean give it a higher content of protein, dietary fibre and vitamins compared to tofu, as well as firmer texture and a stronger flavour.
Seitan: Seitan is made with wheat gluten and is extremely high in protein, as well as being one of the cheapest sources of protein per dollar when made at home and is around the same price as low quality beef in stores. It has a steaky texture and is very filling.
Frozen fruit/vegetables: Large bags of mixed frozen vegetables can be bought extremely cheaply almost anywhere. Despite popular opinion to the contrary, frozen vegetables are almost as healthy as fresh produce since they are frozen while fresh and don’t endure the loss of nutrients associated with long travel and extended shelf time. Frozen fruit like mixed berries can be a cheap way to prepare smoothies or dessert.
Canned fruit/vegetables: Having a few cans of fruit or vegetables around is always a good idea, things like canned tomatoes or corn can be a side on their own, canned peaches or orange pieces are an instant dessert and canned tomatoes can be used to make sauces.
Bananas: Bananas are one of the cheapest fruits available and deserve a mention based on their nutritional value and their versatility. They can be used in desserts, as a healthy snack and can be used to make cheap vegan ice cream.
Citrus Fruits: Citrus fruits like lemon, orange and limes are cheap to buy in bunches, especially when in season and can be eaten as a healthy snack or used as a cheap way to add flavour to existing dishes.
Vegetable stock: Vegetable stock is good to have around for a variety of purposes; it will add flavour to any dish from gravies to soups and roast dinners. It is extremely cheap and relatively healthy if you go for a low sodium option. It is even cheaper if you make it yourself from leftovers or trimmings.
Olives: Olives are a healthy source of fat, they are thought to have anti-inflammatory properties and contribute to good health health, as well as being good sources of iron. They can be bought in large jars very cheaply and can be a healthy snack.
Olive Oil: Thought to be the healthiest oil to cook with, it is heart healthy and can be used to add flavour to a variety of dishes like pastas and salad.
Spinach: Spinach is often called a super-food in terms of nutritional content, it is is high in niacin and zinc, as well as protein, fiber, calcium, iron and a multitude of vitamins. You can also buy large bags of pre-prepared spinach very cheaply.
Kale: It has a different flavour and texture to spinach, but has similar uses. It is a great source of dietary fibre and is packed with nutrients, vitamins, folate and magnesium. Even a 500g bag should only set you back around $2.50.
Bread: Many new vegans assume bread is off limits, but many breads are vegan. Even speciality loafs are very cheap considering the amount of meals they can contribute towards, and they can be a good source of carbohydrates and protein. It will keep for 3-6 months if you freeze it.
Plant Milks: Plant milks have an undeserved reputation for being expensive, this is only in comparison to heavily subsidised dairy milks, though even then the price is comparable, in fact, some supermarket’s own brands are even cheaper. Plant milks are packed with calcium and are usually supplemented with vitamins B6 and B12.
Non-Dairy Spreads: Non-dairy spreads can be made form a variety of sources, from soy or olives to coconut oil. They tend to be comparable to dairy butter in terms of calcium, but without the unhealthy fats and cholesterol. They are usually priced similarly or cheaper than their dairy counterparts.
Peppers: Peppers tend to be very cheap to pick up in large bags, particularly bell peppers. They can be stretched over several meals, and can add flavour and texture to curries, stir fries and salads.
Nutritional Yeast: Seen as something of a speciality health food, nutritional yeast is actually very cheap, lasts a long time and is one of the best sources of vitamin B12. It has a nutty, cheesy taste, so you can use it in place of anything you’d usually sprinkle cheese on. It is also great in soups and when used to make “cheesy��, creamy sauces.
Flax seeds: Each tablespoon of ground flax seed contains about 1.8 grams of omega-3s. It is included in this list as they make a great egg substitute in baking, can be sprinkled on cereal, yogurt or oatmeal. It is cheap to buy, and even a small packet lasts a long time.
Dark chocolate: Dark chocolate is not only far healthier than milk chocolate, it is usually cheaper to buy in the same quantities and is far more filling. It is versatile for use in baking and desserts and is a healthy snack in small quantities.
Selected Produce: Fresh vegetables are not always expensive. Seasonal vegetables are usually cheap in most supermarkets, but some vegetables like carrots, turnips, onions, cabbage and cauliflower are inexpensive all year round, and can often be bought on offer or as “irregular” (but still perfectly edible) for even less.
Herbs and Spices: Having a range of spices on hand is always a good idea; things like cumin and garlic can add depth and flavour to simple meals and they last a very long time. Investing in a good spice rack and some curry powder will save you money in the long term.
Stay safe everyone, and please check in on your vulnerable friends, family members and neighbours. I am always around if you need any advice, resources, accessible recipes or just a bit of a chat to help with the stress. Take care of yourselves and each other.
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I'll be honest, I'm starting to worry if the conrad content is beginning to annoy people. I'm genuinely anxious that I've accidentally taken up too much space in the fandom unwarranted. I know a few others genuinely enjoy interacting with the Conrad content as much as I enjoy making it, but I'm getting nervous that some people are actually starting to find it grating.
Look, I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD and the amount of times I've taken the joke too far or have been called out for being too loud or too much, I just–
I'm anxious about it, okay?
Not everybody likes OCs and I honest to god tried my hardest not to introduce people to mine. The fact that I've barely even thought about inserting my own characters is such personal development for me (Honestly, check my Glee days, yikes, OC overload).
Like, I honestly have a lot of thoughts and feelings about him as a character.
For example:
Once he starts medicating for depression, taking iron supplements, and opening up to a professional, the world suddenly becomes a lot less of a haze and he actually becomes an aggressive environmentalist. He becomes really invested in local plant life and conservation.
Conrad doesn't cry. Except for one time when he and Reggie are in Reggie's bed and it's 2am and Conrad hasn't slept for days and even though he's so tired and there's nothing he wants more than to just fucking go to sleep.
But he can't. And suddenly he gasps and his cheeks are wet and he's biting his fist as he shakes and he doesn't want Reggie to wake up, but he does.
He wakes up and panics, but soon wraps his arms around his cousin once he notices he's crying. "Dude, it's okay," Reggie tells him, stroking his shoulder, heads pressed together.
"She took the fucking fall, she didn't even do it."
"I know."
"She didn't even give a shit about me. She made me hate you."
It's hard for reggie to hear but it's also the truth. Conrad spent ten years being blisteringly angry at his cousin, for taking his name, his chance at a having a normal family, his shot at happiness. And it took him too long to realise that they were never going to be happy, him and his mother, because she just didn't know how to be. And reggie? Reggie's had it no better. Their mother's were sisters after all.
Conrad teaching Reggie how to do make-up, after he ditches some of his internalised toxic masculinity. Reggie setting aside gig money so Conrad can get the glasses he wants, the least dorky pair in the shop. Reggie surprises him and Conrad says thank you by buying him a mcdonalds afterwards.
So yeah, would you actually like to see me talk about him as a developing three dimensional character? Or should I just take a seat and stop encouraging the conrad stuff?
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Title: A Free Spot
Summary:
"While she was still a commander in the midst of a war, she had to shut out all raw emotion while she watched Levi take down titan after titan, as the airship took her further away from where she had wanted to be. She did too good of a job turning off her emotions then and her last memory of Levi had become a free spot in her mind.”
Slight AU! Levi sacrifices himself in Chapter 132 instead of Hange and Hange deals with the consequences years later.
Written for @levihanweek Angstober 2020. Prompt: Free Spot
Link to cross-postings: AO3
Notes:
A part of me felt like Levi should have gone instead of Hange. That is, if one of them had to go. I'd still rather they both lived and got their happily ever after
I’m in the middle of writing for the greetings and farewell prompt but it's really just not looking to good rn so I'd rather not share it for now. Hopefully, I manage to get the motivation to finish it up. I’m probably gonna write some fluff and domestic Levihan after this. These prompts are just too heavy haha.
Either way, I had so much fun writing for angstober. I hope you enjoy and do tell me what you think!
You know Levi, it feels like my time has come. I want to act as cool as possible so let me go out like this...
It had been two years since the rumbling had stopped for good. Eren was dead. The Eldians and Marleyans had established a peace treaty and the survey corps was declared redundant, replaced with a special defense squad.
Mikasa and Armin willingly took over what was left of building the defense-oriented military. Having seen enough violence and loss to last a lifetime, one soldier slowly and quietly stepped down.
That one soldier helped build what became the new city of Paradis, but still felt the burden of responsibility. Disappearing from society and retiring to some farmland on the outskirts of central Paradis felt wrong although tempting.
That soldier had seen things first hand that most people would never experience, so it was easy to take on a job as a teacher. This was especially since most Eldians did not want a repeat of the last war and who better to teach the future generation than one who had experienced it at the front ranks.
The subjects taught were easy to pick up.
Math. Science. Languages. History.
Most kids would end up mastering the basics anyway and that was more than enough for most jobs. What most people from both sides had failed to master though, was how to empathize and how to critically think. They failed to learn how to talk things through or how to question orders.
How to talk things through. How to question orders.
That was what motivated the soldier-turned-teacher, to supplement lessons with anecdotes from the Survey Corps days. It was like living in one's dreams again. The anecdotes before and after lessons kept the students entertained and it also kept the memory of one important person alive.
Three months into the lesson, one of the students had turned out to be more invested than the others and had raised her hand in the middle of one of their story times.
"Did you marry Levi?"
Maybe the former commander did get carried away.
"The soldier I mean. The one in your stories," the young girl clarified.
“Lena, you shouldn’t have asked that,” another student muttered.
Lena jumped up and bowed her head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry… You always got so excited when you talked about him that I thought…"
Hange only realized then that for a second she had not moved from her spot. She put a hand to her face to see that it was wet. She hastily looked back at the blackboard and wiped her face with the collar of her sweater.
"What would make you think we married?" She managed to ask as she looked back at the young student. Most of the kids in the room were roughly twelve to thirteen years old. At that point, she was still figuring out what could be mentioned and what couldn't to a bunch of preteens.
Lena blushed. "My big sister talked about her boyfriend like that and now they're married."
"Well that story could wait another time. It looks like classes are done for the day." The teacher quickly gathered up her learning materials into one messy pile on the table, thanking whatever god existed for the timing of that question at least.
Some students protested but the teacher did not budge. The latter looked back again at the blackboard as she listened to the students pack up their things and file out of the classrooms.
As soon as the last student left, Hange quickly closed the door behind her, slid on the floor and buried her face on her hands.
Why are you crying? It's been fucking years.
She slammed the floor with her fists, letting the pain that shook through her wrists, act as punishment for that random bout of emotion.
How many stories has she told them?
They had started off as stories detailing the lives of the survey corps members who had given their lives to fight a war fueled by the hate of two nations. Somehow, the stories had shifted to her own relationships. She had talked about Moblit and Erwin, the values they had upheld for the greater good of humanity.
How had she described him for the students to think they married?
Before she knew it, she had started to talk about the strongest soldier with ironically, the most unwavering regard for human life.The one soldier who was probably capable of taking down fifty soldiers without so much as a scratch was the same soldier who would ask her privately after meetings, if she could think of a better plan which would cost less lives than the one they had thought up just a while ago. He was a soldier who would always voted on alternatives that could preserve more lives.
At that point, Hange could not even recall what words she used or what tone she kept. She started to treat those story times she promised the students after every lesson as a reprieve, a way to just imagine once again the past that she had missed, and the memory that made her relax the most was that of Levi.
It had been three months since she started teaching. She guessed that she had probably started bringing him up after the first month. It had occurred to her until that moment that she had never really implied his actual fate.
Did she talk about him in present tense?
Did she say something to make them think that he had survived?
You know Levi, it feels like my time has come. I want to act as cool as possible so let me go out like this…
Her chest constricted as she remembered how she felt saying those words. At that moment she thought she was going to die.
How to question orders. How to talk things through.
Levi had never questioned her orders or tried to talk things through in public, in fear of undermining her position. At that moment, right in front of everyone, Levi had said, "No. You're the commander. They need you out in the field. I'm not letting you die."
He had made a good point as he prepared his gear. Although he was humanity's strongest soldier at that time, he had become a little more than deadweight due to recent injuries. Either way, everyone had enough fate in his skills then, to know that even with those injuries, he'd still have enough power to take down a few titans and buy them some time to launch the ship.
While she was still a commander in the midst of a war, she had to shut out all raw emotion while she watched Levi take down titan after titan, as the airship took her further away from where she had wanted to be. She did too good of a job turning off her emotions then and her last memory of Levi had become a free spot in her mind.
Levi is alive. Levi exists in all nighters back in the office. He exists in the late nights in the forest, injured and half asleep.
As she allowed herself to relive that moment of two years ago, the only moment Levi blatantly disobeyed orders, the dam of emotions she had kept closed somewhere inside her started to flow free. She poked a few holes into it, allowing herself a few tears as she carried herself home.
It felt like it took ages but Hange finally found herself inside her empty apartment. She locked the door behind her and slid down once again on the cold wooden floor. She neglected to turn on the lights. The darkness that slowly swallowed the room as the sun started to set, only reminded her that she was alone, alone to her own devices and her own thoughts.
Levi existed before but now he is dead.
The free spot in her mind started to disappear, replaced by what should have been the raw emotion at seeing him burn and fall into the deep ocean. The grief came in large waves and Hange drowned in the emotions she had failed to release a year ago.
She called in sick the next morning and the day after and she sat alone on her bed, only standing up to eat or use the bathroom.
By what seemed to be the fourth day, it was as if she were floating. The waves had receded and she was left to survey for any damage.
Did you marry him? Another burning question came up from within her.
Hange rephrased it, given her present circumstances. Would I have married him?
Would marrying him have meant experiencing a continuation to those late night trainings as new soldiers?
Would it have meant a sequel to those late night conversations in the commander's office over tea?
Would it have meant someone welcoming her home every night after a long day’s work?
Would it have meant someone would be sitting beside her at that moment, hugging her, while she was too paralyzed by emotion to even get up?
Hange shook as she tried to imagine how it felt like again to be hugged. She knew she could have easily called someone, Mikasa, maybe Armin for a little company. Levi though was the last one she felt completely comfortable crying to, the last person she had ever shown complete vulnerability to.
And without him, she was alone.
The cruel truth was that that memory of Levi alive had overpowered her memory of his death. That sudden realization came as the memory once again became vivid, at a time where she had no more responsibilities of keeping soldiers alive in the midst of a battle.
Hange kicked her side table and watched as it toppled over, her belongings spilling out from underneath. She smashed her chair on top of the side table then the flower vase on the dresser.
The crown and the military had given her enough compensation to replace everything and that small afterthought was what only fueled her motivation to just release the pent up emotions. Everyone she had ever lost died for them anyway.
She went for the dresser to the side of the door and pulled out the drawers one by one, spilling out the contents on the floor before smashing them into the pile of remains of the furniture she had broken only a while ago.
She stopped at the third drawer when she saw the familiar green cloak and the wings of freedom insignia. At Levi’s last moments, she was wearing his cloak since she had expected to be the one to go.
As she spread out his cloak on the floor, she smelled traces of the familiar odor of titan’s blood. A year cooped up in the drawer had preserved the original scent. She buried her face on it and started to make out the scent of blood and sweat. At a certain point, she also made out the traces as well of the scent of old wood. The cloak had also started to adjust to the new world with no titans.
She threw the cloak on her still intact bed and sat cross legged on the floor.
Am I the only one who hasn’t moved on? She let out a burst of laughter, and sprawled on the cold wooden floor.
The Titans are gone. The Survey Corps is gone. Everyone is dead. He’s dead.
Free Spot
In total, Hange took a week out of work. She used that extra time to clean up and apologize to her neighbors after that breakdown.
Surprisingly, most of them had been understanding. Hange though did not want to use the excuse of being a shell shocked soldier to be a bother to anyone and had compensated all those who lived closest to her.
When she finally showed up back to the classroom, she was surprised to see all the students on their seats as if they had expected her to be back that day.
Of course, the substitute probably told them.
“You’re surprisingly behaved today.” Hange commented as she emptied her book bag on the table.
It was Lena who came out from behind her desk with a box and placed it on the teacher’s table.
“We heard you got really sick for a while so we got you a present which could maybe help you stay healthy,” she explained, still looking apologetic.
“Thank you.” Hange blushed as she started to untie the bow and opened the box underneath. Hange fought back a wave of nostalgia and the stinging sensation in her eyes as she opened the box to find a tea set, complete with a bag of black tea on the side.
“My dad told me tea is good for the body,” one student volunteered.
Hange put one hand to her mouth, as she felt her lips tremble. A part of her wanted to laugh and a part of her wanted to cry. She had told them enough stories to keep them busy for months but she had never mentioned tea. It was an irrelevant detail in the grand scheme of things, of course she wouldn’t. “He liked black tea. We spent a lot of our free time talking over tea,” she admitted as she traced the rim of the tea cup, holding it the same way she had seen him hold it countless times before.
For a second, Lena looked panicked. “I’m sorry we didn’t mean to… You don’t have to talk about it anymore. ”
“No. It was my fault. I’m sorry.” She stood up and put her hand on the head of the young girl. “It looks like everyone pretty much guessed what happened to that soldier huh?” She smiled, keeping her tone deliberately light.
A lot of the students kept a sullen look and Hange was sure someone had explained it to them or at the least, they had picked it up on their own.
“Well, that’s the reality of war. A lot of the soldiers don’t get to marry and have kids. Just so that everyone here could live in peace.”
That night, Hange emptied the contents of the gift box on her kitchen table.
Levi would have liked the tea set. Hange thought to herself as she allowed the black tea leaves to boil on the kettle. The smell of the black tea wafted through the air and Hange closed her eyes as she allowed herself to be brought back again to those many nights when he was the one who would serve her a cup of warm tea.
Did I add too much water? Did I add too much black leaves? Would he be disappointed?
She poured the contents of the kettle into the cup and watched the tea leaves settle to the bottom of the cup.
She positioned her hands on top of the teacup, attempting to hold the cup just like he used to. The heat right on top of the boiling water, almost scalded her palm and Hange gave up after a few tries.
I never really understood how you did it.
The warm malty taste of black tea in her mouth was nostalgic. Hange only realized then that she had unknowingly abandoned this luxury right after the war. It was as if her subconscious had been protecting her from a breakdown just like the one she just had.
The smell and the taste of black tea had always been about Levi who was long gone by then. As she caressed the intricate linings of the cup though, she also started to think of the efforts of the students who had thought up the present and saved up for it.
She looked back at the memories leading up to his sacrifice at the hands of the colossal titans. The pain was still there but it was far from excruciating. It was bittersweet. Somehow, she did not need to delude herself anymore. She just had to let that bundle of emotions and memories within her untangle themselves.
Levi was gone. To Hange though, he was still alive.
He was alive in the black tea she had allowed herself to enjoy once again.
He was alive in the anecdotes she had told her class in between lessons.
He was alive in every single person who was alive because of his sacrifice.
It’s the living who give meaning to the soldiers’ deaths. It's the living who keep the dead alive.
#levihan#levi ackerman#hange zoe#levihanangstober#fanfic#levi x hanji#levi x hange#attack on titan fic
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