#i suck at dialogue guys it's my weakest point

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

Aaaand at last the long awaited chapter 7 that I've been hoarding from yall for a lil while! There's just a little buildup here, so not terribly essential, but I think it was important to write anyway. This sets up the next chapter, so be aware of that...

And as always, I must invite my esteemed guests @itsberrydreemurstuff, @bibooby, @laegume and @andyssilly to the lil slumber party. (If anyone else wants to be tagged just lemme know and I'll put ya in the next one!)

Anyways, on with the show!

Word Count: 3075

The tension from this morning melts away pretty quickly once the kids show up. You’re dragged into a tea party, sipping air from a plastic cup with your knees tucked into your chest to fit you while you gossip to the children about Mr. Teddy Bear’s newest escapade in an overly-posh accent.

That feeling from earlier creeps up on you again, the phantom constrictions in your chest tightening, and you hardly have time to mask your sharp inhale and wince when a hard shock runs up your spine, warning you of what’s to come. The kids seem worried for a moment, but you cover up your reaction with a dramatic tale, urging them to ‘banish’ you to your station to save them from the wretched demon possessing your immune system. It’s not really that type of illness, not the sort they can catch, but you’ve always had a bit of a flair for the dramatic, and your performance does the trick.

You regret not bringing your medicine today, but Sun had warned you not to, and he was effectively the boss. It wasn’t so bad anyway- just a bit of soreness, nothing terribly noteworthy. Worst case scenario, you could take a pill from the Daycare’s little pharmacy cabinet and make it through the day. And maybe call your brother as a last resort, but you refused to bother him unless it was an emergency. For now, you’ll just wait it out. 

Snacktime is announced, and you wheel out the food, standing to the side as your stomach decides to make its hunger known. Did you have breakfast before you left? You don’t know. You didn’t think to pack a lunch (you never do) and your clock-out time wasn’t soon enough for you to placate your hunger. You stare at the contents on the table and remind yourself that it’s not for you, it’s for the kids, and Sun is right there. You return to your work station and attempt to read your book, but the words can’t seem to stay in your head.

By the time the lights go out, the pounding has sharpened, and you’re hardly able to move your legs without some ache in your bones. It’d probably be best if you left the daycare to check yourself over, which you neglect to tell Moon before he even gets his chance to do his little routine. His faceplate tilts to the side with a little click, and you’re out the door before he thinks to say anything. 

—---------------------------------

Moon blinked. That’s…new. They never take a break during naptime. 

The only reply he got from his brother was a subdued hum of agreement. 

—------------------------------

Your slightly unbalanced speed-walking comes to a halt a good 20 paces from the Daycare as you realize you have no idea where you’re going. You’ve never really been through the Pizzaplex aside from heading to your post or to Parts & Service, so you only knew two or three routes in this maze. Well, and the DJ’s arcade, but you only know the directions there from the entrance, not the Daycare. 

Maybe you could find your way from Parts & Service? Last time you’d been, the STAFF bots led the way…

Scratch that. You knew one route.

Lovely. You can’t say that you’re particularly thrilled to do more walking in your state, but you suppose there’s no time like the present to get further adjusted to your workplace. There was a restaurant around here somewhere, right? Even if their only dish was pizza that tasted like cardboard topped with soggy oatmeal, food was food, and it was better than nothing. If you could only figure out how to get there.

The irony of the fact that you have to go find the Map bot and ask it for directions is not lost on you. 

Oh, how the tables have turned.

Luckily, you don’t have to look far. It just so happens that one is conveniently stationed around a corner at some random attraction. You approach it awkwardly and tap it on the shoulder, offering a small, unsure smile. “Hey, I was wondering if you, uh…if you could spare me a map?”

You swear the stoic face of the bot in front of you practically lights up, and you can feel the beaming smile it gives you in spite of its static expression as it shoves a map into your hand with the vigorous and insistent mantra of “Take a map! Please take a map!”

You struggle to suppress the little laugh that bubbles out of you upon seeing its excitement, and you comply with its wishes, shooting it a much more relaxed smile and thanking it before it wheels away to the next set of customers. 

You examine the map eagerly thrust upon you. Apparently there are several dining areas, one for every floor. You don’t have much time to explore, though, so you choose the closest one to you: the FazPad.

After twenty minutes of running around in search of the elusive location, you’re finally able to find and order something from the somewhat overpriced menu with the help of the employee discount. Ordering a Moondrop curry seems fitting considering your position, though you pray Moon doesn’t somehow find out about it. You poke at the bright blue dish that you’re pretty sure is supposed to be edible. It isn’t half as bad as you expected, surprisingly. Shame you couldn’t say the same for its namesake.

Speaking of the lunar menace, you have maybe half an hour before naptime is over, and you refuse to be late. You’d seen them when you were tardy, and it was not pretty. Your mini check up would go pretty quickly, as you were confident it wasn’t anything problematic. 

Another ten minutes is spent trying to find a bathroom (you do not want to go back to use the one in the Daycare while Moon’s still out unless absolutely necessary). You lock yourself in a small stall and lean against the door to look yourself over, fingers gently pressing into your legs and lower back with hesitance. You cringe slightly, lips thinning into a line. You hate when this happens, but it should pass eventually. With any luck, you’d be able to go to work and avoid the worst of it. You’d just have to be a little more mindful of your limits.

This probably wouldn’t end up like last time.

Satisfied with your conclusion, you make your way back to the Daycare. Naptime was still in session and you were anticipating a trick upon your return.

—----------------------

You wake up in a cold sweat, heart racing as you gasp for air, shooting up from the mattress and breathing heavily, your eyes dart around your room, relaxing when you spot the familiar dark silhouettes of your belongings. There’s just enough moonlight from the window for you to make out details. Your hand flies to your chest almost instinctively, as if to verify that your heart’s still pumping, you’re still alive, still here. 

You’re awake now.

Once your initial panic dies down, you become acutely aware of three things. 

The first is that it is very hot, almost unbearably so. Sweat clings to your form as perspiration runs down your forehead. You can hear the AC vents pushing out air, but it doesn’t help cool the burning in your core that spreads through you.

The second thing you notice is that the shirt your hand is clutching tightly is your work uniform. You must’ve blacked out after coming home from work. As usual, you don’t remember that.

The third thing is the feeling of bile rising in your throat, and it swiftly surpasses the first two observations. You stagger to the kitchen sink on numb legs and lean heavily against the kitchen counter, retching violently. You’re still shaking by the time you can manage to lift your head out, forcing yourself to hack and spit the rest out to flush out the remaining fluids choking your throat. You hazard a glance at the sink before washing away the blue chunks. Figures. You’re never having Fazbear’s trademarked trash again.

You navigate back to your room to brush your teeth and rid the foul taste of vomit from your mouth, cranking up the AC on the way to bed. You toss the thin cover aside and adorn your pajamas, waiting for sleep to claim you and take you from this awful feeling. Something nags you in the back of your mind, warning you that it’s only about to get worse before you’re dragged under, in and out of consciousness as the night progresses.

Your alarm blares some time later and you fumble to turn it off. Little shit doesn’t know you’ve been up for the past hour. You bite back a groan. While your stomach had thankfully settled overnight, everything else has hit you full force. 

It’s official. You’re Sick.

Or at least, that’s what the shit feeling leads you to believe.

You make a weak attempt to sit up…only to immediately crash back down again. An involuntary cry of alarm rips from you at that sharp pain that lances through your spine. It’s so much worse than yesterday. You shake your head and force back tears. It usually doesn’t get this bad. It usually just stops at your lower back. 

Still, you have a job to do, and you’re not letting a little thing like this stop you.

Your things are shoved into your bag, work clothes thrown on. You hesitate but decide to bring the pills anyway. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep talking, but Sun yelling at you is nothing compared to this.

You’re out of the apartment before you even remember you forgot to pack a lunch yet again. 

—---------------------------

The attendants can't help but notice that something seems…off…about you.

On the surface level, nothing has changed. You still walk into the room and greet them, still write your reports and go along with Sun’s demands and Moon’s antics. But there are little things that tip them off, like the small limp in your step or the naps you’ve begun taking more often when the lights go out. 

Moon notices your bag has lost some weight. The usual thought and care packed into it is absent. Extra clothes and books are left behind, with only your phone and laptop inside. You’d also taken to bringing those pills. He’d given up on lecturing you about it when all he got was an affirmative that was immediately broken the next day. The lunar AI assured him they were harmless, but it was still off-putting.

Your emails, they noticed, had also become more succinct and to the point. Not that it was a bad thing: you tended to ramble in great detail, even in the simple notes. Lately, though, they found that it was missing something. 

Take your recent Maintenance update, for example. You’d apparently noticed the issues with their joints and filed a request for Parts & Service. You always notified them a day or two in advance prior to an appointment. This time, however, they did not receive your normally well-written email. It remained polite, of course, but it was clipped, curt.

Unexpected.

And it wasn’t just your work suffering, either. Your usual excitement when playing with the children was absent. You were tenser, got tired more easily, frequently taking breaks and hanging back to catch your breath.

No, the change wasn’t too great, but it was there, and it was starting to get a bit out of hand. You’d pretty much been glued to your desk for the last two days. And while you weren’t really required to do much else besides your updates, it still felt…wrong.

It didn’t matter, though, they reasoned. If you weren’t feeling good, you’d take a couple days off and they’d be done with it. They’d have enough leverage in addition to your recent slacking to get rid of you.

They…did still want to get rid of you, Sun reminded himself. You had flaws, flaws that could not exist in their perfect system, flaws that had to be eradicated to maintain order.

It was better for everyone that way.

______________________________________

You rub your eyes, slowly scanning your ID at the clock-in station and fighting back the dark edges in the corner of your vision. You hadn’t been sleeping well as of late, and it was starting to take a toll on you. You didn’t dare to call in sick, however, remembering all too well your coworkers’ reactions when you’d returned from you unexpected time off.

Granted, that was a special case, but they didn’t know that.

It’s not like you knew what had been going on at the time, anyway.

You stroll into the Daycare as usual, bag slung on your shoulder and a slightly less enthusiastic greeting on your lips. Your routine is interrupted when without warning, a dizziness crashes into you and leaves you with spots in your vision. They do not clear this time when you try to force them away. The room spins, and your knees buckle under you, causing you to lurch forward. You brace yourself against the wall and hiss at the sudden burning ache of your muscles. 

As quickly as it came, the feeling withdraws, pulling back fast enough that the dizziness multiplies instead of lessening. Once the room soon stills, you pull yourself back to your feet, sitting down at your desk and getting to work like nothing happened.

Just as well that no one saw.

You’re in the midst of writing another report when your phone goes off. You take a glance around to make sure that Sun isn’t watching and open them. There are three messages waiting for you. One from your brother asking how you’ve been, one mysterious letter from Fazbear, and one from…

Ah.

You skim the last one and dismiss it. The first two are received with greater excitement, something you haven’t felt in a little while. You respond to your brother with your trademarked ‘I’m doing just great let’s talk about something else now’ and read Management’s reply.

Hello, Fazbear Employee, 

We have received your request for funding for greater literary material. After careful consideration, we have decided to approve your proposal. You are required to send a list of materials you wish to purchase. Please remember that any liabilities and/or repercussions faced as a result of this project will result in immediate termination of your contract.

Thank you and have a Faz-errific day!'

Your exhaustion and illness is momentarily forgotten as you squeal and bounce in your seat excitedly. Oh, you already had a dozen titles running through your head that you were certain the kids would love. You’d already compiled a short list a few pages long in your notebook, you’d have to copy it and send it over as soon as possible-

Aaaaand there was that ever so familiar voice piping up in front of you and instantly dashing all your hopes and dreams. “Oh? What’s got you oh-so chipper this morning?”

You swallow down that instinctual feeling of being doused in ice water and manage to maintain your smile. “Management approved my request for buying more books!”

“I’d been under the impression you’d been doing so already..” he remarked dryly.

You ignore his comment, showing him the email and forgetting who you’re ranting to your boss in your excitement about this new opportunity. He takes the device and reads the email himself before responding in an odd voice. “Management didn’t send us an update about this…”

“I just found out myself,” you shrug, not noticing the subtle glare shot at you. “I already had a few titles in mind, but I’d be more than happy to get your opinions on them. The kids are gonna be so excited to get some new stories for naptime, and I’m sure we could-“

“There’s nothing wrong with what we have now for naptime,” he cuts you off, a second, darker undertone layering his voice briefly. His eyes flash red for a split second. 

You blink and hastily amend yourself. “Right, sorry, I just meant that it’ll be nice to have some more variety, that’s all. We could probably find some stuff for you guys, too, if you wanted. I’m sure Moon’s gotten tired of children’s books by now.”

The attendant says nothing for a while, remaining eerily still, and you turn around to see if he’s still there. There have  been some times where they’ve slipped away without you noticing. How they did so was unknown to you considering the many bells hanging from their frame. “Sun?”

The lights cut off abruptly, and the raspier voice returns, drawling sardonically with a hint of mockery. “Awww, you would do that for meee?” He clasps his hands together and flutters his ‘eyelids’ in a show of sarcasm.

“Hi Moon,” you greet him without missing a beat, shutting your laptop and rummaging through your bag for that notebook of yours. You normally brought it, but maybe you’d forgotten it again. You seemed to be doing that a lot lately…

A blue arm shoots out and grabs yours, promoting you to look up at your assailant’s glowering gaze.

“We don’t need your handouts, certainly not from the likes of you,” he hisses, squeezing your wrist tighter for emphasis. 

You manage a nod, swallowing the lump in your throat and lightly tugging at your arm to signal your desire for release. “R-right, of course, sorry, I just thought-“

“We aren’t interested in the thoughts of a mere worker.” His grip does not yield, the silicone masked metal hand like a shackle. You briefly recall Monty’s harsh bruises (time) before. You don’t want another limb to stop functioning right now. That would really suck.

He leans in to speak, privately relishing in the way you try to lean back with an inkling of fear. He grins sharply. “Y-“

A knock at the door startles the two door of you, earning a growl from Moon and a shuddery exhale of relief from you.

He sends you one last loathsome look before the lights flicker on and Sun attends to the new arrival. You release another sigh, rubbing your now sore wrist. Another ache added to the list.

And with that, a new day has officially begun.

As optimistic as you’d like to be, you’re pretty sure you know exactly where it’s going from here.

———————

Aaaaaaaand that’s a wrap! Sorry for the long wait everyone, hope it was worthwhile and I’ll see you all in the next one!

#sorry to bother #don't mind me #wtsds #where the stars don’t shine #fnaf sun x y/n #fnaf sun x reader #fnaf moon x y/n #fnaf moon x reader #me posting this while dying internally at the prospect of finally figuring out how on earth I'm going to write a f*cking argument #i suck at dialogue guys it's my weakest point #rgggghhh but it must be done....

[sideburndanny]

Batman Movie Villains Ranked from Worst to Best

Recently, a YouTuber I follow by the name of Mr. Rogues released a list of Batman villains ranked from worst to best. I have nothing but the utmost of respect for Mr. Rogues as a content creator, but I took issue with his list because his long-standing biases were often the deciding factor in many of his rankings. So, I decided to do a list of my own.

I’ll be going over every Batman villain to appear in the movies, briefly analyzing their portrayals and ranking them on a scale of 1 to 5. To prevent the list from being too cluttered, I’ll be separating the villains by which movie series they’re part of. Here we go!

Burton/Schumacher Tetralogy

Bane: Perhaps the only villain in this series I’d call “bad.” The calculating tactician of the comics is nowhere to be found here; instead, he’s reduced to a monosyllabic, brain-dead stooge for the other villains. Overall, he does nothing that couldn’t be done by a random henchman. 1/5

Two-Face: A deeply layered villain in the comics, Two-Face sadly gets upstaged by the other major rogue in the movie, but that’s not to say he doesn’t leave an impression. Tommy Lee Jones gives him a manic and mercurial demeanor that, combined with his colorful design, wouldn’t be out of place in the Adam West series. The size and scope of his criminal organization make him a genuine threat, and there’s something darkly fitting about Batman’s former ally being responsible for the creation of Robin. 3/5

Poison Ivy: Mr. Rogues for some reason ranked her as the worst Batman movie villain of all time, and frankly, I don’t see why. Like Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face, Uma Thurman gives this character a delightfully over-the-top demeanor that combines with a colorful, comic-booky ensemble to make for another great “what-if-this-character-appeared-in-the-Adam-West-series” take. She does a good job juggling the differing facets of Ivy’s character: she’s the put-upon cynic, the craven opportunist, the radical eco-terrorist, and the suave seductress all in one package. 3.5/5

The Penguin: Fuck the Razzies. Danny DeVito made this role his own and set the stage for the character for years to come. He’s a bit of a departure, but a welcome one: far from the refined gentleman of crime Burgess Meredith portrayed, this Penguin is an animalistic thug warped by a lifetime of anger and hatred of the society who rejected him due to his deformities. His signature wardrobe, trick umbrellas, and Penguin gimmick are all there, but DeVito sells the role by showing amazing versatility: he can go from a comical and pitiable weirdo to a terrifying sociopath at the drop of a stovepipe hat. 4/5

Mr. Freeze: I honestly can’t say much about this character that my mutual @wonderfulworldofmichaelford hasn’t already. Arnold Schwarzenegger perfectly encapsulates both popular versions of this character: the flamboyant, pun-loving criminal genius from the Adam West series and the Animated Series’ traumatized scientist desperate to cure his loving wife of her terminal illness. Sure, the puns and hammy one-liners are what this version character is known for, but Ahnold definitely knows when to apply the brakes and give a greatly emotional performance as he tries desperately to cure his wife. 4.5/5

Max Shreck: Probably the only time you’ll see a movie-exclusive character on this list, and deservedly so. Corrupt businessmen are dime-a-dozen in Batman stories, and most of them have little personality outside of being greedy scumbags who either get defeated by the hero or betrayed by the other villains. Shreck, however, is different. Not only does he have an eye-catching fashion sense on par with any of Batman’s famous rogues, but Christopher Walken brings his signature manic intensity to the role, creating a character that’s as wicked and sinister as he is cool and stylish. You totally buy that the general public sees him as the good guy. His warm relationship with his son is also a delight to watch. 4.5/5

Catwoman: Michelle Pfeiffer does a lot to really make the character her own. She gets a lot of genuinely badass moments, but underneath all of her coolness lies the undercurrent that she’s a broken, traumatized character lashing out at the people who abused her and took her for granted. Even when she takes these ideals to unreasonable extremes, you never stop feeling like the retribution she brings on her enemies is at least a little warranted. Also, she has amazing romantic chemistry with Batman and her costume is fucking metal. 5/5

The Ridder: It’s Jim Carrey. 5/5

The Joker: This role is perhaps the one that set the standard for future Jokers to follow: Jack Nicholson’s humorous yet unnerving performance signaled to audiences early on that this would not be the goofy trickster of the Silver Age, but a different beast entirely. This Joker is a film noir gangster on crack: a disfigured mob hitman who quickly takes the entire criminal underworld by storm and unleashes his special brand of chaos and destruction across Gotham. He’s an artist, a showman, a charismatic leader, and the man responsible for ruining Bruce Wayne’s life. 5/5

Christopher Nolan Trilogy

Talia al Ghul: You know that recent trend in Disney movies where a side character we thought was harmless and inconsequential turned out to have been the villain all along in a twist with no buildup or foreshadowing with the reveal happening too late in the movie for this character to really do anything cool or impressive before being unceremoniously defeated? That’s Talia. DKR is the weakest of the three Nolan films, and I feel like it would’ve been much better received without this twist villain contrivedly shoehorned in. Also, while I could kinda forgive the trilogy’s whitewashing of other villains like Ra’s al Ghul and Bane due to the talent their actors display, Marion Cotillard doesn’t get a pass because she just doesn’t have the charisma or screen presence needed to pull it off. 1/5

Victor Zsasz: While the idea of redefining Zsasz as an over enthusiastic mob hitman instead of a serial killer is very interesting, it’s ruined by the fact that he barely even appears in the movie and doesn’t really do or say much of anything despite the buildup he gets. 1.5/5

Two-Face: Aaron Eckhart portrays Harvey Dent as a character of tragedy in a slightly different way than other tragic villains in superhero movies: he’s lashing out at a society he feels wronged him, but instead of being a lifelong outcast or put-upon loser, he was a handsome, successful crusader for the common good who lost everything he once held dear all in one fell swoop. You really feel for him even as he does horrible things. If I had to nitpick, though, I am slightly bothered by the fact that he plays some comic book movie cliches straight (i.e. they never call him by his alias and he dies at the end,) but it’s a solid performance overall. 3/5

Scarecrow: I’ll be upfront and admit that I’m more than a little annoyed that certain facets of the character had been changed in the name of “realism” — once again, they never call him by his villain name and he never wears a comic-accurate costume — but other than that, I can’t complain. Cillian Murphy plays the character with a smarmy, eerie charm that really makes his scenes stand out, his willingness to ally himself with other villains suits his character well, and the fact that he appears in three consecutive films with a different evil scheme in each really helps tie the movies together. 3.5/5

Catwoman: Much like other secondary villains in this trilogy, she really doesn’t get a chance to shine compared to the main antagonist — and, once again, it pisses me off a little that they do the whole “never refer to her as Catwoman but vaguely hint at it” thing — but she’s everything a modern Catwoman should be. She’s sly, manipulative, really holds her own in a fight, has great chemistry with Bruce Wayne... it’s all there. It’s also great to see Anne Hathaway break away from her usual type casting to play a role this dynamic. 4/5

Ra’s al Ghul: He’s a character that was in desperate need of mainstream exposure, and by God that’s what he got. Making him Bruce Wayne’s mentor adds a layer of personal tragedy to the climax where our hero has to stop the man who made him who he is from destroying Gotham with his admittedly brilliant plan. Add in a strong, captivating performance from Liam Neeson before we found out he was a racist asshole, and we’ve got one hell of an overarching villain. 4.5/5

The Joker: Everybody’s already discussed this version of the character to hell and back and likely will for years to come, so I’ll keep it very brief. He’s funny, he’s badass, he’s terrifying, he has great dialogue, it sucks that Heath Ledger didn’t live to see his performance reach the audience it got, and he basically makes the entire film. 5/5

Bane: Mr. Rogues actually ranked Bane higher than Joker on his list, and keeping it 100, I actually agree with him here. Finally, after decades of being dumbed down and misrepresented outside of comics, Bane is finally portrayed as the tactical genius from the comics. Tom Hardy plays Bane to perfection, being very believable as the peak of human physical and mental achievement, the man who broke Batman physically and emotionally. His design is iconic, his every line is quotable, his voice is weirdly fitting, and the memes are funny. 5/5

DC Extended Universe

KGBeast: Another point where I agree wholeheartedly with Mr. Rogues. He is absolutely wasted in BVS, being nothing but a generic henchman for Lex Luthor. He doesn’t wear his costume from the comics, he’s never referred to by his alias, he doesn’t have his signature cybernetic enhancements, and he never does or says anything noteworthy. 1/5

The Joker: Ugh. I don’t know what’s worst: the tacky clothes, the stupid tattoos, the weird Richard Nixon impression that passes as his voice, the fact that promotional material hyped him up as a “beautiful tragedy” of a character even though he’s only in the movie for like 10 minutes and barely does anything, Jared Leto’s toxic edgelord behavior on set done with the flimsy pretense of “getting into character,” or the fact that he’s just trying to copy Heath Ledger instead of making the role his own. 1/5

Victor Zsasz: Chris Messina proves undoubtedly that Zsasz CAN work as a secondary villain in a Batman movie. He’s once again a mob assassin who enjoys his job a little too much, but unlike Batman Begins, he really gets time to shine. He’s just as sadistic and depraved as in the comics, but he also has this disarming, casual demeanor about him like he’s just indulging a hobby instead of slicing innocent people’s faces off. His close friendship with his boss Black Mask adds some depth to the character as well. 3/5

Killer Croc: Sadly, he doesn’t get much time in the spotlight, but he’s pretty cool nonetheless. The makeup and prosthetics used to create him look amazing, and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje’s deep voice and imposing body language make him really stand out as an intimidating presence. He’s often in the background, which fits his role as an outcast by choice and a man of few words, but whenever he does get focus, he has everyone’s attention. It really would be a shame if this character’s only appearance was in a mediocre schlock action movie, but he makes the most of what he has. 3.5/5

Deadshot: Another highlight of what would otherwise be a forgettable film, Deadshot is just as cool and competent as he’s always been in other media, but this portrayal stands out for one simple reason. Will Smith was a very odd choice to play the role, but it worked out for the best here because you get the sense he truly understands the characters. He’s ruthless and pragmatic, but has just as enough charm and depth to make him likable. 4/5

Black Mask: I, like many, was skeptical when I saw early trailers depicting Roman Sionis as a foppish weirdo who doesn’t wear his signature mask, but upon seeing the final movie, I really feel like he has the high ground over other DCEU villains. Ewan McGregor is endlessly captivating in the role, portraying him as a swaggering dandy who is nevertheless dangerous due to his boundless narcissism and explosive temper. Sure, those who deal in absolutes would be put off from the differences with his comic counterpart — who is far more cold and humorless — but from a certain point of view, this flamboyant take on the character isn’t so much a departure as it is an addition to make him stand out while keeping his role the same. Black Mask has always been a middleman between the traditional mobsters of yesteryear and the colorful rogues that plague Gotham today, and this portrayal perfectly encapsulates that. He works in the shadows, but isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty; he flies off the handle and gets reckless at times, but there’s no question that the whole operation was his idea. 5/5

Harley Quinn: Margot Robbie owns this role. She’s unbelievably dazzling as a badass, funny, sexy antihero who deals greatly with tragedy and proves that there’s always been more to her than her initial role as the Joker’s sidekick. Again, not much to say, but she’s almost perfect. 5/5

#dc villains #batman #batman villains #dark knight #dc extended universe #batman movie

[tarajenkins]

Given what you've said of Vauthry, about how we're never given any chance to even try and redeem him, help him become a better person, I'd like to ask: how would you go about "saving" him? When he transforms into that Lucifer/Archangel Michael-looking guy, he seems permanently lost, but how would you write out a redemption narrative for him?

I love this ask, I hate the answer I have to give. But it’s gonna be a long response anyway, because context and because you already know I don’t know when to shut up about characters, lmao. 

SO I HOPE YOU LOVE HEARING ME RAMBLE UNDER THIS CUT (but I won’t blame you if you don’t)

I don’t think the in-game narrative allows Vauthry any chance at redemption in the current time, even if he had the agency to take it.  I don’t think we ever saw what he actually could have been. I think what we saw in Shadowbringers was the Lightwarden he’d been carrying finally “awakening”, as Innocence’s Triple Triad card put it. Or, as the X-Files put it in their eighth ep: “We are not who we are”.  

Even if that Lightwarden could be driven out of him (I know an “Aethertech” who would do anything to make that possible cough), I don’t know if he’d regain clarity he may never have had to start.  I’d love to think that he did, a long time ago. The Minstreling Wanderer tells us he can’t say whether or not Vauthry was a monster as a child, when you unlock Crown Of The Immaculate EX.

I believe the Lightwarden’s influence was driving a lot of his brutal acts of “justice”, because that is kinda their whole thing.  As for the man inside the monster?  I have a hunch he was desperate to not be seen as unnatural, and was trying to make sense out of what was happening to him in a way that would not make him a hybrid abomination. Because if he wasn’t a God, if he wasn’t this divine thing he was told he was – then what was he? The way he worded it, “this is why I was born…as man and Sin Eater both…” – it makes me feel he had, at some point in his life, at least once, ASKED why he was born as he was. That he had perceived it was wrong. He needed it to be right. And that was just fuel to the corruption fire.

The talk of godhood actually seemed to be a recent phenomenon, as no other NPC mentions a thing about it – they refer to him as “Lord Vauthry”, and speak of him in mortal terms, apart from his miraculous ability to keep the Sin Eaters at bay. He freely boasted of being a God to the Crystal Exarch, yet we’re to believe he didn’t say a word to his own people, all this time? Or that no one, in turn, would mention to us “Yyyyeah, about this guy….” Mayor Punchable Face may have told him he was a God, but it doesn’t sound like Vauthry bought into it enough to spread the good word for at least twenty years. 

Also consider he called his transformation into Innocence a “trial”. Why would a god need to be tested? And by whom?

By the time we see him in-game, it seemed he was in a rapid decline of sanity, or at least the ability to keep up appearances, and whatever was left of him was fervently clinging to the only purpose he was ever apparently given – which is exactly what that Lightwarden (and Emet-Selch) would want. 

 He was really cynical about the rest of humanity. Given his father, I can see where he’d get that from. Not that daddy told him people suck, it’s that Vauthry probably learned that by his father’s example. Maybe by the rest of Eulmore, too, but I got the impression he was kept seriously isolated from society before his inauguration. He seems to prefer being alone – he only leaves that room when he moves the Sin Eaters against Lakeland. He gives no indication he knows how to socialize, period. You either come to him, or you don’t see him. (He may be keenly aware humes don’t typically reach at least fifteen feet tall. Seriously, look at Cruelty’s size compared to player characters, now look how Cruelty makes a comfy couch for him.)

Cynical, and yet, he wanted to see the people of Eulmore’s “dreams fulfilled, their wishes granted”. Just so long as he was the one responsible, and he was the one recognized for it. He needed their acceptance. 

ANYHOO.  On to stuff I still have zero idea what to make of. 

I should preface the rest of this infodump with the fact I found the Eulmore arc to be the weakest of the expansion, between Vauthry and Ran'jit. Most of the MSQ was given nuance. Eulmore was given a Saturday Morning Cartoon sledge. A -lot- of questions, with no answers, unless Squeenix decides to be generous in a fifty-buck lore book later. (something I hated Warcraft for. I should not have to pony up for a book to understand the main story quest chain in a game.) So, here are some of the questions I’ve got:

- FOOL! THAT WILL NEVER WORK!

They don’t really explain why Emet-Selch thought corrupting an infant was a good plan, as the Sin Eaters seemed guaranteed a win on The First, if only by outlasting the survivors of the Flood. Impatience, maybe? Why not give it to the mayor? That dickpickle would’ve said yes. Maybe we’ll get more answers with the Eden raid. IT’D BE NICE *COUGH*

- The meol thing.  

It’s using Sin Eater’s non-existant flesh to make a bread, and through that bit of Sin Eater, Vauthry could control whoever ate it.  The fanbase loves the “soylent green is people” angle, but it’s done pretty haphazardly, when you think about it like that? Sin Eaters have no lasting corporeal body. They are Light, mixed with a bit of the lingering essence of whatever they originally were – and what they originally were did not have to be humanoid. They dissolve into sparklies in the air upon death – and arguably, they would not have to die to contribute sparklies to somehow mix into food. Forgiven Cruelty lost a whole wing to Thancred when Thancred first took Ryne from Eulmore, and it seemed to have grown back just fine by the time we see Cruelty again. Killing Sin Eaters also would be entirely counterproductive to a nation that devoted themselves to NOT killing them. Also – we are shown the Afflicted, people who are falling to corruption from a SIn Eater attack they’d survived. How is it people who eat meol don’t become corrupted themselves?

Where did the idea for meol  even begin? Vauthry’s father was ousted by the people as mayor before Emet-Selch said hey there, friend, you have a punchable face, let’s make a deal – and Vauthry only took control of Eulmore 20 years ago. He looks a LOT older than 20, or even 40. So his father must’ve rode his child’s coattails before then.  Did Mayor Punchable Face think that was a wise countermeasure against future insurrection? In any case, Vauthry did not exert that control until the WoL and allies were coming to kill the Lightwarden of Kholusia (him), so it did not seem to be a priority of his. Alphinaud confirmed the people were of a free mind until they were made to fight the WoL and allies. (and dialogue stressed it was very noticeable when someone was not of a free mind.) Squeenix: *throws meol into purse* I have to go plotholes came up

- The “Perverted Paradise”.  (I at least giggle every time Alphinaud says this.)

Vauthry is presented as the pinnacle of vice, yet the game does not really show this well – in some cases, not at all.

Gluttony: He isn’t shown to indulge in drink, let alone overindulge. Apart from the meol scene at the end, which was related to controlling the Eater-corrupted citizenry, not gluttony, he was not shown to have so much as a snack. There’s food in his chamber, all of it untouched. But! In the Shadowbringers trailer, Squeenix thought the best example to showcase Eulmore’s decadence was – three thicc'qotes. Having pleasant conversation ‘round a table. Eating fresh fruit.

Not the creepy-ass old patron who thinks that  since his pretty servant can’t sing anymore, she should be “Ascended” as a kindness, although it was implied she could have recovered her health, just not her voice. Not the guy who tossed his servant from a balcony because reasons and wanted us to bring him back. Not even the noblewoman trying to have her servant killed because her lecherous husband put designs on the poor girl.

Three thicc'qotes. Having pleasant conversation ‘round a table. Eating fresh fruit.

We get it, Square, we’re supposed to see he’s fat and think that is bad. Moving on.

Lust: He doesn’t visit the adult nightclub downstairs (the adult nightclub that is shown practically empty and behind closed doors, the lewdness of it all – I clutch my pearls.) He doesn’t  creep on your player character like Magnai did in Stormblood – he doesn’t creep on anyone. He doesn’t want you to be his steed. No interest is shown in the Sin Eaters apart from them fighting for him, as much as some people in the fanbase theorize he is fucking them. (They probably think that Spirited Away is about the sex industry and My Neighbor Totoro is about dead girls, too.) This game is pretty blatant when they intend that sort of thing, see: Yotsuyu, Sastasha, any number of things in Ishgard or Ul'dah. I’ve found nothing here, except the German translation for “Consort Of Sin: Forgiven Obscenity” is “Purified Fornication: Playmate Of The Redeemer”. Since this is not implied in any other translation, I put my trust in Koji Fox and the fact Obscenity’s job seems to be Official Nose Petter to Forgiven Cruelty.

Greed: I am not going to hold his rings and his robes against him, as Urianger has just as much bling (more, actually), The wealthy are made to give up ALL their fortune to be permitted to stay in Eulmore – but that wealth is then used to provide everything for free to those who live there, and the free citizenry are apparently given funds for private use to boot. If they intended to show that Vauthry was using all that for hookers and blow for himself, it did not convey well.

Wrath: If one has broken the rules of the city (or has thrown shade that takes him a full two minutes to catch), Vauthry definitely has this in spades, with a temper tantrum a lot like Philia’s Fierce Beating attack.  But again, the writers don’t really show the extent of the wrath they are trying to tell . Because if you don’t break the rules? Nothing happens, apparently. Trouble seems to have to be brought forward to him, he doesn’t go looking for it.  It didn’t feel any different to me than the Grand Companies, yet this is the one that finally makes Alphinaud do the *GAAAAASP*.

The populace does not seem afraid of Vauthry. In fact, they feel free to pop ‘round to have a word if they think something needs doing. Chai-Nuzz did not seem distressed by his wife’s suggestion she would have a word with Vauthry to soothe the “hard feelings” stirred up in the quest “Emergent Splendor”.  

Pride: He has great pride in his ability to keep the SIn eaters under control, but doesn’t really display any vanity in himself. No portraits, statues, etc. When Alphinaud interfered with Kai-Shirr’s punishment, Alphinaud was told he’d be permitted to stay in the city if he made a painting – not a portrait of Vauthry, but of the city itself.

Sloth: We get it, Square, he’s fat and he sits down, moving the FUCK on.  No actually, hold up, to be honest? As tired and :| as he looked all the time, he struck me as depressed. What guy in Paradise looks that haggard?

NOW moving on.

Envy: If my theory holds, probably plenty of unresolved envy for folks who are not “half Sin Eater”. Otherwise, I can’t think of an example here.

- “Ascension” (Sure thing, Jan)

This is only made reference to in the Weeping Warbler quest chain. “As all know, the sin eaters exist to devour the sinful. But also do they serve to gather the souls of the innocent, and shepherd them unto celestial paradise.”

Sin eaters ate a meal that represents the sins of a household you fool oh wait this is The First

The thing I don’t get here is - why are there obviously limitations on who can be ascended, and when? If the idea is strictly to feed the Sin Eaters, or make meol, or just be an asshole, why is this the only time we hear of it?

It’s like if there are no more mortals, Vauthry wouldn’t have that reassurance he is doing good anymore. Either that, or since he’s never worked in retail, he doesn’t know how to push features.

But I’m betting on the former.

- LASTLY: the hypocrisy of the writer’s narrative (and the fanbase).

Tesleen was our first and horrifying sample of what Sin Eater corruption can do to a human. No matter how strong her will may have been, she was just lost to it. She scratches madly at her face when she uses one of her attacks in Holminster Switch, as though trying to stop herself, or punish herself. But she can’t help it. And we know this.

Titania was a tragedy, had to be stopped. But, a TRAGEDY. Whatever was left of the benevolent ruler was corrupted. There was never a moment where our heroes went “dis binch just evil, they gotta go down”. ( I had many choice words for Titania when I wiped enough times to them, but no actual game dialogue really says it. )

We, the Warrior Of Light, came this close to becoming a Warden ourselves. Somehow it was stalled (convenience!), but there was never a question corruption = bad and out of our control.

Vauthry, on the other hand, is treated as though he is in full control of his faculties, although the corruption before birth makes that questionable at best and he pretty clearly is not? Even as he did that Exorcist neck-twist, no one was like “oh fuck, the Sin Eaters got to another one, damn that poor man”.  (Which would seem a logical conclusion to me, I hate we have like zero real say in our characters’ reactions) Not even a “ahaha okay no seriously what the fuck is going on guys”. Nope. Their reaction was “EVIL”.  Trying to help somehow was never on the table. Watching him die slowly at our feet was.

We saw the Echo of the real circumstance of his birth. It had to come from the Sin Eater that corrupted him, because he wasn’t out of the womb to see that scene play out. Or Emet-Selch. Either way, we saw it, yet at no time afterward do we try to bring the truth out. We just let everyone believe he was evil by choice, and not another casualty of this mess.

And remember earlier, how I said Alphinaud confirmed the free citizenry were not under Vauthry’s control until the fight? Remember the noblewoman whose husband went after their bonded servant, and so she tried to get the girl murdered?

Yeah, we catch up to that noblewoman who tried to murder her servant. She feels really bad about that now.  And what is an option we get to tell her ex-bonded servant when she wonders how she could possibly trust the woman who tried to kill her?

“Vauthry’s society brought out the worst in people…”

Fffffffuck you Square lmao

TL;DR:

In private RP land? In private RP land, where we can back the fuck up in the timeline at will? You are damn skippy that Lightwarden got purged before it took complete hold. (an Aethertech did it with SCIENCE.) And Vauthry is cynical and scarred and bitter and broken and betrayed, but he’s not evil. If anything, he’s actually pretty relatably human. And he’s actually pretty damn glad his father’s shitty legacy is over.

#FFXIV #Vauthry #LONG ASS POST #Shadowbringers #I am so sorry Unna

[psychologymajor226]

Dark Phoenix: Full Review

Alright, y’all. I just got home. I’ve had 1.5 drinks, so not that much, and it’s 1am in the morning, but I’ve finally seen the movie in person, and I’m ready to write this thing. (Sober, morning edits to be made in about six hours.)

SPOILERS Y’ALL. DUH. WARNING. 

Also, disclaimer: I’ve got about 6k words on chapter 14, so nobody say I ain’t been workin’ for ya. This movie was in the spirit of research. HEH. *SNORTS*

Ok. Pros:

1.)  Imagery: I’m glad I saw it. Truly. If you are an X-Men fan from way back, you would have been able to catch some of the subtle, beautiful details of the film, imagery that tugged at your heart strings. The X-Jet alone, exterior and interior. The way a basketball rolled off the court as the pavement evenly split open to let the Blackbird free. The kids with the nineties haircuts in the foyer of the X-Mansion, the same foyer (and set) used in X2 onward, even in Deadpool, even in DOFP where Hank throws Logan across the stairwell. All the shots of the mansion, really, are gorgeous, and the great lengths of effort that went into continuity were immensely appreciated by this gal. 

2.)  Teamwork: Never have I seen a movie that so thoughtfully considered how the X-Men might work together. In the past, it was either all of them conveniently being split up to showcase their individual powers or some weird scenario in X1 where we get Cyclops narrating how they’re gonna work together! (Storm, use your wind powers to catapult Logan up toward the torch! Jean! Steady him! If we blow Wolverine over the torch, I’m gonna fry it!) Instead, Kurt seamlessly moving in and out of speeding trains, while somebody intuitively helped him. Storm just knowing where she needed to be, while Cyclops just shot the fuck out of people. It was a nice nod to the comics. How it should have been done.

3.)  Some of the acting. James McAvoy (Atonement will forever pierce my soul, or maybe perhaps I’m simply partial to library sex scenes) and Michael Fassbender were, at times, on point. (Sometimes though, they just looked fucking tired. Not as characters, although they should have been, but as actors. Like “aren’t we done with this already! What the fuck!”) Their chemistry remained though, and I particularly liked the angle that perhaps Charles’ ego in this new timeline was problematic, especially with how well mutants were favored. (I think that could play into the Logan narrative. Peace…somehow leading to complacency.)

4.)  Kurt’s narrative arc. I don’t necessarily like the guy who plays him now, whatever his name is. (Alan Cumming wasn’t perfect in the role, but he was far better than this kid.) But I loved the fact they gave him something to do. He was genteel, almost too hesitant, even as he was saving the shit out of people on the spaceship. By the time we get to the ending scenes, he was fucking slicing some dude’s jugular with his fucking tail. That, my friends, is development. The look on his face, too, while he did it, was exceptionally satisfying.

5.)  Subtle hints at Genosha. Without explicitly stating it, I loved that it was recognized, and I loved that it was this shitty little island with a barely-there infrastructure, in a direct dichotomy to the luxurious life Charles was living.

Cons. I’ll keep ‘em short.

1.)  The plot sucked. The weakest points: Jean deciding she needed the help of Magneto and immediately changing her mind. Magneto wanting to immediately kill her after he found out she killed Mystique and then also immediately changing his mind. Stupid.

2.)  Dialogue. Come. On. I’m not a great writer at all, but I can do better than that.

3.)  Forced antagonism. The D’Nari were a fucking joke. And stupid. And flimsy.

4.)  Boxing them in. You put the most powerful X-Men on a fucking train. While some of the CGI was cool, at times it felt you were literally boxing them in to save money.

5.)  You gave up. Lazy writing, ignorant directing. You knew you were gonna be sacked, and you didn’t give the characters the story they deserved.

6.)  Ugh, I’m that person, but….no Logan. First X-Men movie (aside from the Deadpool movies, which at least mentions the goddamn bastard) to never, not once, mention or show him in any regard. And…it showed. I know I’m that stupid Wolverine fan who demands the most popular X-Man be in fucking everything, but did ya ever think that was for a fucking reason? It showed. But, at the same time, I thank fuck Hugh bowed out when he did. He seemed to have witnessed that the Titanic hit the iceberg, and hopped on a lifeboat before anyone else noticed. He made Logan, which was fucking spectacular, and said “fuck you all. I’m out.” Best move ever, as much as I grieve his loss. And I did feel it in this movie.

Overall? Worth renting on Amazon, for diehard X-Men movie fans who want screenshots and a little nostalgia.

I did it, y’all. I sent my little candle out on a lake, paying homage to this franchise and how much I fell in love with it. I said goodbye. I will inevitably pray the MCU does a better job, but I won’t count on it. I always have some of the movies to fall back on, and the comics to cherish. Stay strong, my friends. We might live to see a better day. And if we don’t, at least we shared some good memories while it lasted. <3

#dark Phoenix #logan #wolverine #Charles Xavier #erik lehnsherr #cherik #meh #i did it ok?

[papofglencoe]

5 7 11 54

Thank you for asking me these! You don’t have to, but I’d love to know your answers for these too. If you decide to take the bait, tag me, chica.

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most.

Probably terrible books I picked up for a dime at a garage sale in Podunk, Michigan when I was ten. lol. Crap that I read once and then horrifically absorbed by osmosis because I didn’t know any better. But in general I grew up reading a LOT of YA horror/fantasy/suspense like Christopher Pike and Richie Tankerlsey Cusick. Diane Hoh and Caroline B Cooney (even as a kid I thought RL Stine was a hack, so at least I had that much taste ;p). I think my love of plot twists and unreliable narrators and angsty, fucked up characters probably comes a lot from those guys. I also loved the Sweet Valley High series, so that explains my love of trashy, tropey romances. In high school I was all about the dark and dystopian stuff- classics like 1984 and Brave New World (because YA dystopia wasn’t a thing yet). And then in college it was all about everything British. Harry Potter for funsies. Ian McEwan. The classic Regency, Romantic, and Victorian authors: Austen, the Brontes, Elizabeth Gaskell, Dickens, Eliot. I’d like to say any of these authors have influenced me. At least when it comes to subject matter, they have, if not style.7. Favorite author.

Jane Austen or Charlotte Bronte (who, as a fun fact, loathed Jane Austen’s writing and found it to be facile).11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.Do I ever really finish though? lol. Writing for me is a painful process. Some people find it exhilarating (or so they say...). For me it’s a blood-letting. It’s like putting a bunch of leeches on my body to suck out the poison, but all it’s really doing is killing me slowly. Usually a song lyric will inspire me, or some scene will come to mind, and then I’m off from there. And by “off” I mean at a crawl... maybe ten lines at a time, one day at a time? Before I can write anything new for the day, I have to sit down and edit what I wrote from the day before. If I’m starting a new chapter, I will sit down and reread the entire story before moving forward. I edit more than I write. I wouldn’t recommend that to others, but I think grad school inculcated in me this obsessive need to write as airtight of an “argument/thesis” as I can before moving forward; it’s so easy for a paper or article to go horribly off the rails when you write, and a professor will call you out at the very first sign of a bullshit, straw man argument. And I just don’t have it in me to write a shit draft and then go back to fix it. My goal before handing any story to a beta is to have not a single suggested correction. Not one missing comma or misspelled word, not one plot hole or OOC description. Obviously I have never succeeded at this, but writing for me is a competition with myself to be better than I was the last story. I really only have one part of my process that I find to be healthy or helpful, and I’ll include it next... 

54. Any writing advice you want to share?

Chart out your dialogue before you “write the scene” itself. Just sit down and write out the back-and-forth. No dialogue tags. No physical cues or stage descriptions (or keep them minimal if they are essential to the dialogue itself). That way you can create dialogue that sounds natural to the ear. It might be annoying to some readers, but I like to include a dash of “ums,” “ahs,” “likes,” etc to replicate how we actually speak, or to indicate hesitation. In real life we’re always searching for the right words (and regretting the ones we’ve chosen), and I like to try to capture that in dialogue. Having said all this, I consider dialogue to be my weakest point. Some people angst over smut, but for me it’s simple conversation I stress over. This is exactly why I chart that shit out. If you need me to describe a chair, I can effortlessly spew out four paragraphs about it. But dialogue? *Cue the mortal terror.* So I cover my ass and map it all out before I write the scene. 

#personal #get to know a blogger #writer meme #long post #lovely-tothe-bone

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 1x02 Earth Skills

I’m a new fan of The 100, who first binged it last year, August to November. This is my first full rewatch of the show. I was planning to start it anyway and finish it before the season 6 premiere on April 30, and when I saw that Fox Serbia was airing a rerun (Monday to Friday, 40 min. after midnight, with repeats the next day), starting on 1st February, it was a great opportunity to start my rewatch in HDTV on my beautiful new TV. I decided to do write-ups and tag other fans on SpoilerTV website, as I did when I was first watching the show. But my posts turned into full blown essays. So, finally, after over a week, I’ve realized: Why don’t I post them on my Tumblr blog, too? I’ll copy my write-ups of the first 7 episodes, and then I’ll post my rewatch posts after I watch each episode. (The next one, 1x08, is on Monday’Tuesday.)

Spoilers below for all 5 seasons of the show. I go of on a tangents and make a lot of references to future events.

...........................

The first 2 episodes of season 1 are its weakest, just as I remember them. But initially I thought episode 1x02 was worse - I had mixed feelings about the Pilot, but then really disliked the second episode. This time, however, the Pilot was much worse than I remembered it, while this episode was... well, pretty much the same, but I enjoyed it more this time. Because, when I first watched the Pilot, I focused on all the new info on the show's premise, the setting, the universe, the SciFi stuff, and pretty much ignored all the cringey early teen soapy stuff (which I didn't even remember). But then the second episode came, and all the cringey teen soapy stuff in that episode just came right at me and annoyed the heck out of it. So this time, I already remembered it, so I could focus on other things.

BTW, I need to have good laugh at the often stated claim that The 100 doesn't focus on romance or do much romance or set up ships. The show does romance all the time. There are ships all over the place, but most of them pretty much suck, especially since most of them are poorly written insta-romances. And these early episodes are full of various romances and potential romances, and love triangles (which some people say the show has stopped doing... except it never did - *cough season 5 *cough* - but at least it scaled back on it a bit). 

Now don't misunderstand me - I don't mind that there's a lot of that, what I did mind is how badly all of that was written in these early episodes. Later, the show did lose most of its early CW-ness and start doing romantic plots better, in some cases at least. (But it also started doing them even worse, in some other cases.)

Rating: 4.5/10

First introduction of Raven, and she immediately shows that she's smart, capable and awesome. At this point, she seems almost perfect, but we know she was just initially meant to be a temporary supporting character and romantic obstacle for Finn/Clarke. We find out that she's the youngest zero G engineer in 52 years. She's also the first person to figure out that the Delinquents aren't dying, but simply taking their trackers off. How come this never crossed the minds of any of the Ark leaders? They came off a bit dumb here.

First meaningful interactions between Abby and Raven - the start of their friendship/pseudo-mother daughter relationship. Abby enlists Raven to fix an old escape pod so she(Abby) could get to the ground. Raven insists she will go, too, since she also has a loved one there. Multiple mentions of her boyfriend, and I can now see the big hints with the origami that Finn is that boyfriend. I missed that the first time, which is lucky, or I would have hated this episode even more, for trying to set up more than one annoying insta-love-triangle involving Finn and Clarke. I think this is the first time we get a mention of a year? But not the year when the show takes place. The escape pod is a 130 year old piece of junk that was found when they rescued MIR-3 in 2102. At least that gives us an idea of what century it is. ( The 100 wiki has a timeline and says the year is 2149, IIRC, but I don't know where that info is from.) I remember that Clarke, Abby and Raven were my favorite characters by far, followed by Monty, and pretty much the only characters I really liked (I was intrigued by Bellamy, and to a lesser extent Octavia, but I didn't exactly like them), since they were the only characters doing smart and good and pragmatic stuff and trying to save people. Then later, during season 1, Raven fell down a few places in my rankings, because I was so frustrated with her moping over Finn. Well, Wells was OK, but I didn't like some things they were doing with him here. One of the things I remembered best from this episode is that it clumsily tried to set up a Wells/Clarke/Finn love triangle, and that it made me roll my eyes so much. And for whatever reason, Bellamy was the one to talk about it to Wells and go on about how Clarke supposedly doesn't see Wells next to Finn, blah blah. Octavia isn't the only Blake with cringey dialogue anymore. Sorry, I'm gonna go on a mini-rant. Why was it necessary for the show to imply that Wells was in love with Clarke? You know how some people claim that the show is so into platonic male/female friendships (which somehow always is all about Clarke and Bellamy, because other male and female characters on the show aren't ever friends or something)? Yeah, right. Clarke and Wells were BFFs from childhood, grew up together - if you're looking for a "sibling-like" relationship between people on the show who are not related, that's the closest thing to it, but apparently, Wells couldn't have done all those sacrifices for Clarke if he wasn't in love with her. Right? But Clarke only sees him as a BFF, and he is so important to her... that the show had her mourn him for about 10 minutes in episode 4 after he was killed, and then never mention him again. If they ever actually wanted a great completely platonic, sibling-like close relationship between a man and a woman, that was a great opportunity. But they obviously didn't care. And speaking of people who grew up together and refer to each other as family, so they would therefore fit the idea of sibling-like relatively well (unlike Clarke and Bellamy, who didn't even know each other or interact with each other till they were 23 and almost 18, respectively)... well, there's also Finn and Raven. Who are also boyfriend and girlfriend. Kinda weird. I wonder when the writers decided to kill of Wells. I think it definitely was only after this episode, because this episode spends a lot of time building up Wells as a heroic character and setting up that love triangle that never goes anywhere, because Wells dies in 1x03. I think that, if the writers were at all planning an "endgame" (though I hate that word) love interest for Clarke, it was probably Wells at this point, because I don't think they were considering Bellamy that way at this point, and Finn, while clearly meant as the initial love interest, has False Romantic Lead written all over him. I sometimes wonder what the show would look like if they hadn't killed off Wells. I think Finn's "peacemaker" role in season 1b was probably planned for Wells. But I'm really relieved that we didn't get a love triangle that's all "Unlucky Childhood Friend/nice guy in unrequited love with a girl who is into another guy who is charming but kind of a jerk/cheater, until she finally realizes he's the one for her", because I hate that trope so much. Sorry, Finn lovers, if any of you are reading this - but Finn comes off even worse on rewatch than he did when I watched it the first time. He was always a guy who's just there and whose only interest seemed to be following Clarke around and flirting with her, but his time I'm noticing things like, even when he does good things, he only does them after he's realized Clarke would like him to do it, and tries to make himself look good and be the guy that she needs in her life. When I first watched this, I just had profound indifference towards him, which grew into active annoyance in this episode. And I didn't even realize at the time that he had a girlfriend on the Ark. Or that, after Clarke shamed him for not wanting to come and help rescue Jasper, he only changed his mind and came after Clarke had made Bellamy join the rescue party. My annoyance was initially mostly because of the scene where they are on the way to finding Jasper and saving him, and Finn decides to instead convince Clarke that she's wound up too tight and should just relax and they should splash each other with water. Which would be OK, if Jasper wasn't potentially dying. Priorities? And there was also his pop psychology where he tells Clarke that she is so desperate to save Jasper because she couldn't save her father, and we're obviously supposed to see it as super--meaningful. Is it just me that thinks that wanting to save people in general, and especially those you know, is a normal human reaction? Which is why Clarke was the character I immediately liked and related to. And also why this scene annoyed me so much. My feelings on it are exactly the same now, except maybe now I'm not sure that the show ever even meant for the Finn/Clarke pairing to be seen as an especially good one. Meanwhile, it seems that the show staff had realized between the Pilot and the second episode that Bob was super hot, so now Bellamy gets to be shirtless and with ruffled hair that looks much better on him, and is just friendly parting from some random Delinquent girl he's had sex with and who never appears again. I guess the casual sex (and later threesomes) were supposed to be a part of his 'bad boy' persona, since it pretty much stopped once the show started making him into a more heroic figure. Even though there's actually nothing wrong about single people having casual sex for pleasure, so it's not like that marks him as 'bad'. (The show, however, seemed less judgy about casual sex in later seasons, so I don't know.) However, he does a lot of other thing in this episode that are actually bad, like making the kids take off their wristbands so they'll have food, or acting dictator-like ("I will not be disobeyed") and over-protective of Octavia, including punishing Atom for making out with her. I didn't hate Bellamy early on as many did, but he frustrated me a lot, and was definitely at his most annoying in 1x02. However, I always had a lot of leeway for both him and Octavia, no matter how annoying they acted at this point, because of their backstory. And now I can even understand his over-protectiveness a bit better, knowing hat happened the last time he tried to let Octavia enjoy life. Much of the episode was about Octavia trying to find a guy to make out with, and specifically trying to make Atom (the guy Bellamy charged with protecting her). make out with her. She's being a huge brat at this point, but it's understandable - she was isolated, under the floor and locked up, all her life, and now she wants to be free and enjoy it. One interesting moment is when she told Atom: "Wall won't stop what's out there, we need weapons" - which is the first time she sounded like later Octavia. But her later love of fighting also makes sense for her character - fighting, especially with bare hands or cold weapons, is an energetic activity that produces an adrenaline rush, kind of like sex/making out. The scene where she chases butterflies in the woods and then makes out with Atom was one of the most visually beautiful. It looked very romantic, in the sense of enjoying life and nature. Not in the sense of actual romance, unless by 'romance' one means 'making out with a random person you met a day ago and barely know.' But to be fair, even Octavia's upcoming big OTP romance with Lincoln began with little more than physical attraction, and she knew him even less than Atom by the time they hooked up. The best interactions Ocfavia had in the episode were with Monty - the start of one of the better, underrated m/f genuinely platonic friendships on the show. This exchange was quite interesting: Monty: "Living under the floor all your life, it's amazing that you're not a complete basket case". Octavia: "Who says I'm not?" Monty was really cool in this episode - while Octavia was having some drama with Atom and some other guy, he was like "quiet, guys, I'm working" and was just calmly working on trying to make radio communications with the Ark possible. A bit more backstory on him and Jasper: they obviously have known each other for a long time, and Monty compares his relationship with Jasper to the Blakes, saying that Jasper may not actually be his brother but they are just as close. However, the Blakes aren't really like a regular sibling relationship, it's one of those sibling relationships (like Katniss/Prim in The Hunger Games) where the elder sibling had to grow up early and take care of the younger, so it's more like a parent/child relationship. Which is really one of the main problems of their relationship - Bellamy sees Octavia almost as his child and is extremely protective and sacrificial (the way we otherwise see parents act towards their children in The 100), and Octavia is constantly rebelling against him as kids rebel against authority. First significant interaction between Monty and Clarke, too. When Wells and Monty volunteer to save Jasper, Clarke tells Monty to stay behind because he's too important for the group's survival - he was raised on a Farm station, trained as an engineer. "food and communications. What's up here (*touches his head*) is going to save us all". (And how right she was!) That's some good, smart, pragmatic thinking - and she also managed to convince him without having to say that he also wouldn't be the most useful in a fight. I notice so many gender stereotypes in how the characters are written in these early episodes, more than the show usually has afterwards. Jasper and Monty were constantly talking about impressing girls in the Pilot, Jasper thought Finn had "game", and in this episode, we constantly have women shaming men into doing things by implying they would look weak or cowardly otherwise. Octavia tries to make Atom let her make out with guys/make out with her by saying he would be her brother's "bitch" otherwise (when did she learn to talk like that? I guess, during those two-three days on Earth?). Clarke tells Finn how disappointed she is that he refuses to join the rescue party, calling him a coward. (Though Monty shames Finn, too, saying "Jasper looked up to you". Which doesn't mean much, since the reason Jasper looked up to him is because he thought Finn was good at impressing girls.) And then Clarke makes Bellamy join the rescue party by implying he will look scared in front of the others/less brave than she is, otherwise (though that was more about Bellamy having to maintain authority in the group - which he needs for his own reasons), Then Bellamy enlists his sidekick Murphy to come, too. Murphy: "What are we doing? I didn't think we were in the rescuing business." Oh, you have no idea. The interactions between Bellamy and Clarke in this episode were quite interesting. I didn't ship them at this point, but I know now that some people already did, and I can see why. The scenes where they are into each other's faces and being antagonistic... well, this is the scene where Clarke says she will never take off the wristband, and Bellamy calls her "Brave princess" sarcastically (?):

What are you doing here, Bellamy? If he means to try to be snarky or antagonistic, he's not doing a good job, because "Brave princess" is not an insult, it sounds like he's impressed by her. (Which he probably is, though I'm not sure he's aware of it yet.) I'm sure he thinks she should hate her, because she is making things difficult for him and she's one of the privileged high class people from the Ark. That's what Bellamy means, at least at first, when he calls her "princess" - he's not using that nickname to flirt with her, like Finn. At least, I'm sure he does't mean to flirt. But... he kind of looks like he's flirting. I think, at this point, he's really, really confused.

And that's exactly the moment when Finn comes along, finally having decided to join the party, and says "Come up with your own nickname". Finn seems very possessive over... that nickname.

Later when they find Jasper, he gets all take-chargey and tells Wells to keep an eye on Bellamy, and Murphy to come help him take Jasper down from the tree. I can't help but think of another, far less successful and very unfortunate rescue mission, in season 2, where Murphy will also end up as Finn's reluctant sidekick.

I love the way that Bellamy acts like he's so ruthless (which he probably believes himself to be, much more than he actually is), when he tells Murphy he will take Clarke's wristband off even if he has to cut off her arm to do it...but then later, when she almost falls into the pit full of spikes, he instinctively grabs her arm and saves her life - and then has the look on his face "What did I just do? What am I doing? Why I am doing this?" He really is confused.

Early season 1 Bellamy is such a hot mess. Kind of like Clarke will end up being a hot mess in season 5, and similarly impulsive, emotionally damaged and preoccupied with just protecting their "child" while ignoring the big picture, while season 1 Clarke/season 5 Bellamy are acting pragmatically while trying to save everybody. They've really switched roles. And I expect season 6 Bellamy to help Clarke to get back to who she used to be, just as Clarke helped him find himself in season 1.

I love the song "Can't Pretend" by Tom Odell, which closes this episode. (I'll be seeing him in concert in a week.) But I didn't initially even notice it in the episode - I only paid attention to it when I saw some The 100 fanvideos with it. It's too emotional and the lyrics don't really fit either of the rather shallow romances (Finn/Clarke and Octavia/Atom) whose scenes it covers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUmtXzuSGu8

#The 100 #the 100 rewatch #the 100 1x02 #earth skills #clarke griffin #bellamy blake #octavia blake #monty green #raven reyes #abby griffin #wells jaha

[therealkn]

David’s Resolution - Day 10

Day 10 (January 10, 2019)

sex, lies, and videotape (1989)

“You’re right, I’ve got a lot of problems... But they belong to me.” “You think they’re yours, but they're not. Everybody that walks in that door becomes part of your problem. Anybody that comes in contact with you. I didn’t want to be part of your problem, but I am.”

When I was a kid, we had a big book of Roger Ebert’s movie reviews, and I remember reading it a lot. I don’t remember a whole lot from the book, but I remember liking it and being fascinated as I read about all these movies that this guy had seen. It was kinda nuts that someone saw so many movies, many of which I could only imagine what they were like since I wasn’t able to watch these movies back then. I was also a fan of the “AFI’s 100 Years” TV specials that aired from the late 1990s to the late 2000s (Does anyone else remember those specials?) and they’d talk about movies that had an impact on American cinema and why they’re classics and such. 

In carrying out this resolution and ramblingreviewing this films I’ve been thinking about my interest in film and where it came from. And I realize that it stems largely from a curiosity fueled at least in part by these things. Why do people say this film is a classic? Is it as good as they make it out to be? Why do they say this film is bad but not that one? Why did this film succeed at what it tried to do, but not that one? Why do critics say this movie sucks, yet most non-critics like it? I wanted to know why.

I bring all this up because sex, lies, and videotape is one of those movies that I was curious about when I was younger. It wasn’t on the AFI lists, but it was in the Roger Ebert book if I remember it correctly. It seemed like one of those movies that the cool people who knew lots about films needed to like. Something I should probably have warned about before was that a good chunk of movies I will watch this year are ones I feel I should have seen a long time ago. This one, however, I’m happy I waited until now to watch it because ten years ago, I probably would have hated this movie. He wasn’t as patient as I am now.

The film is about four people and the interesting relationships they have with one another. One of them is Ann Bishop Mullany (Andie MacDowell), a neurotic housewife whose marriage to her lawyer husband John (Peter Gallagher) is not in great shapes. She’s worrying about anything from where we’ll put garbage to starving people, and she’s not enjoying sex much, to the point where she won’t let John even touch her shoulder. John, meanwhile, is a dick who constantly leaves his office just so he can bang Cynthia (Laura San Giacomo), Ann’s more outgoing and sexually active sister who is almost the complete opposite of Ann. And then Graham enters the picture.

Graham, played by James Spader, is the other central figure of the story besides Ann. He’s an old college friend of John’s who comes to visit John. He’s kind of a bohemian, living out of his car and with only a few possessions, among them a video camera and a box full of videotapes. After Ann helps set Graham up with a place to stay, she learns about the videotapes and what they are exactly. The tapes are of Graham recording women talking about themselves, their sexual lives, and other such things. It’s a strange fetish, but there is actually a reasoning behind it that makes sense, and this has an effect on everyone involved in some very interesting ways.

Here’s the thing. There’s not a whole lot of action or things happening in this movie. There is, however, a lot of talking and drama, and that’s where the meat of the film is. Steven Soderbergh’s direction and writing are both top-notch in this film. We are seeing one person change not only the relationships between three people, but also themselves. We learn a lot about these characters, and as we watch, we feel an attachment to them. At some point, they don’t become characters anymore. They become people that we feel like we’ve known for a long time and are now learning even more about them. And the film does a lot to add to that personal feeling. A lot of the film takes place in areas that have some personal connection to one or more of the characters, whether it’s their homes or the bar Cynthia works at or at John’s office for however briefly he’s there before he’s off for his sexcapades. It makes us feel more like we’re not omniscient observers, but people who are actually present in those scenes hearing these characters speak. It’s like we’re really there.

And then the writing, because that’s one of the big strong points of the film. The dialogue flows naturally and doesn’t feel like “movie” dialogue or sound like navel-gazing nonsense. It feels like things people would actually say and talk about, which would include frank discussions about sex and their personal lives. It also reminded me of how we present different sides of ourselves to different people we know and how we open up differently to people. The Graham who sits with Ann at a restaurant and talks about his personal hang-up that leads to his videotaping women is different than the Graham who’s having dinner with Ann and John and slightly defensive around John. There’s probably a lot more than I could talk about, since again I’m not a professional, so yeah.

The acting’s great across the board. Andie MacDowell’s performance as Ann is fantastic, and there’s little tics she does like sitting cross-legged on the couch or her fingers fidgeting with her glass that make her seem like a person who’s trying to resolve their issues and having great difficulty with this and how they really feel. Laura San Giacomo is also great as Cynthia, who could easily have been a more one-note character but instead has some depth to her. She comes off as someone completely comfortable about their sexuality, which could have been written as “she’s a slut”, but thank God that’s not the case. Peter Gallagher’s John is the weakest of the four characters, but is still interesting to watch and he does great with what he has. But the real standout is James Spader as Graham, who comes across as affable and very honest and a bit dorky, but also a little awkward and uneasy to be around. There’s a reason for that, trust me, and it’s a damn good one. Near the end, there is a scene with him and Andie (those who’ve seen the movie know the one) that’s fucking phenomenal. The acting between them is astounding, with both actors displaying an incredible emotional range without being overly dramatic. The writing is very, very strong in that, and the music adds to the scene perfectly, not overtaking the scene or overriding whatever mood it’s trying to convey. And the smaller characters in the film, from Ann’s therapist to the barfly who makes passes at Ann and Cynthia, are also great.

Oh, right, music. The soundtrack’s great. It’s funny to say that since there’s so little music in the movie, but what music there is was courtesy of Cliff Martinez (who I know mostly as the drummer on the first two Red Hot Chili Peppers albums) and he created some really great tracks. Except the guitar bit at the beginning, that was someone else. He also did the music for Traffic, which was also great. I should’ve mentioned that in the Traffic review. Sorry, Cliff. Honestly slipped my mind.

I highly recommend this film. Strong acting, great writing, awesome story. Check it out for yourself and see why it’s great, because there’s much more to it than I could say without this getting any longer than it already is. Just go see it.

Next time: A modern screwball comedy, but leave the gazpacho in your fridge.

#David's resolution #sex lies and videotape

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: Old Dogs, New Tricks

Masterpost

5x19: Old Dogs, New Tricks

Previously on Glee: Everyone else is doing things - while Kurt has his collections of neckerchiefs.   Kinda wondering if Chris wrote that one, lol.   

So....  Yeah, this is the episode that Chris Colfer wrote.  And what do I think of it? Because I know you guys are all here for my very professional opinion on all these things... lol.  It’s... fine.  There are some things that really work -- Santana as a publicist - excellent!! Sam and Mercedes’s relationship issues -- great.  Dogs dragging Lea Michele down the road because of her bratty behavior - totally here for that.  Honestly, I think the Kurt portion of the story may be the weakest aspect of this episode, but this is Chris’s first try at a TV script, and I think he’s done a lot better than a lot of people out there -- including whoever wrote I Kissed a Girl, ug.  

I do think there’s some dialogue that’s a little stiff, and Chris has a tendency to write a little on the cheesy side, but I’m really sad that season 6 wasn’t longer to give him another go at it, cause I think TV writing might have been a good avenue for him.  And I really hope that some day he gets to head his own TV show - because I think it’s something he’d do rather well at.  So - that’s my two cents. 

I will say - this episode is mostly stand alone.  And with the season drawing to a close -- I really am missing those extra two episodes that were chopped off the end of the season.  I really would have liked to play around in this sandbox for a tad bit longer, as I think there were most definitely more stories to tell.  At least I am grateful for what we got. 

Problem Child

So, I’m not going to spend much time (or really at all) trying to figure out how Chris feels about this or that as evident through the script.  I mean -- TV is a collaborative process -- and even if Chris wrote the script, I’m sure a lot of people still had their input, and he didn’t direct it, so...  But I think this still is a good indicator about how he felt about Rachel.  I mean...  yeah, it’s probably how we all feel about Rachel, tbh.  

 So as we open -- Kurt wants to see a movie, but, well, Blaine is too busy doing stuff with June, Santana just doesn’t want to, and Rachel’s freaking out that image is being tarnished because she fucked up in the previous episode.  And, as most things do, it becomes all about Rachel.  Santana, however, steps up to be her publicist -- which is -- incredibly inspired!! Can I just keep the headcanon that Santana sticks to being a publicist, this is a fantastic choice for her.  Thank you, Chris, for this.  

Anyway - Kurt’s more than annoyed -- and even has to tell Rachel to keep her voice down because they’re in side -- because he is, more often than not, Rachel’s care giver.  Because seriously, this girl cannot seem to function on her own.  

So -- here’s my thing.  This script is a little awkward going forward -- a lot of it is Kurt harping on how his ‘friends’ aren’t there for him, though only specifically focusing on Rachel.  And while I think the Rachel was the safest route to go, and one that’s been clearly building for a while, I do think it might have been interesting to see how that played out with others -- such as Mercedes or Santana or even Blaine.  (Though, honestly, I’m glad Chris did the smart thing and not include a lot of Blaine in this script.  I totally get why he did -- because he really didn’t want to be harassed about it -- and that was the wisest choice for him.) 

Oh and then to everyone’s shock - Rachel goes to yell at someone for putting their dog in their purse.  I mean, is this an LA thing? I kinda wonder if this is an LA thing that pisses Chris off and he gets to yell through Rachel.  It kinda feels like it, lol.  Anyway... Kurt’s in the background, but his ‘wtf are you doing’ look is classic. 

Pillsbury

So - this episode has to do with three of Chris’s favorite things: 1. Dogs (animals); 2. Old People; and 3. Fairy tales.  I mean - I don’t think it gets much Chris-ish than that -- unless you wanted to throw in aliens.  I do find it hilarious that he brings all these things to Kurt, because they aren’t really there before -- but it seems to fit in pretty well.  

Anyway - we get June Squibb in the form of Maggie Banks (Do you see -- it’s a combo of Maggie Smith and Mrs Banks from Mary Poppins -- at least that’s what I assume is the inspiration.) I’m not going to talk too much about June Squibb’s performance -- because it’s awkward at best  (I can’t tell if it’s her acting or if it’s the lines).  But it makes a ton of sense that this actress just coming into her own in her 80s is who they got to play the part.  I assume Chris adored working with her.  

Anyway, this old folks home is doing a rendition of Peter Pan (get it - cause they’re old, and they want to stay young forever -- this script is full of stuff like this.  I can’t tell if it’s clever or not.)  And Maggie’s gonna start screaming elder abuse if the poster doesn’t go up in the diner.  But -- that doesn’t stop her from noticing that Kurt’s full of his usual ennui.  

Hilariously, he says he files all his problems away and lets it out during an episode of Long Island Medium.  (This is another Chris-ism.  Yeah, I can’t stop pointing these out.)  While questionable choice of reality TV aside, I do think this is a fascinating beat for Kurt -- he’s internalizing all of his issues.  Maybe it’s cause no matter how far he gets in his life, and partially cause he does have super involved in themselves friends, Kurt’s not one to reach out when he’s got issues.  THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING KURT!!

You wanna know why Kurt and Blaine break up a second time? Cause Kurt pretty much sucks at letting people know he’s struggling with something.  He thinks he can fix everything himself, and you know what? You can’t sweetie -- so talk to people! 

Well -- here he gets to talk to June, and let’s it out that he’s feeling a little left behind lately.  Santana’s starring in vaginal cream commercials, Mercedes’s is becoming the next Beyonce, Blaine has found a sugar mama, and Rachel has already hit her mid-40s where she’s fucking up her Broadway career for a shot at TV.  And Kurt feels like he’s gotten nowhere.  Which -- yeah he hasn’t.  And that’s not a bad thing, not really, since he’s the only one on a sure and steady course, but when everyone around you feels like they’re miles ahead in their lives, it can feel heavy being the only one not /there/.  (I getcha kiddo, I really do.) 

Also - I think it’s hilarious that he says he’s the mother in a Nancy Myers movie.  (That is so Kurt, and so Chris.)  And, god, yeah, let someone else take over handling Rachel.  Geez. 

Kurt then finds out that his therapy session is with /The/ Maggie Banks -- the woman who once starred in the worst Broadway show of all time, a musical about Helen Keller.  (Eesh)  And after being awkwardly asked to come back to the home, she invites him back to watch them rehearse.  Sure - why not, he doesn’t have anything else to do.  

Look at what a happy little goober he is -- he’s gonna hang out with old people! 

Broadway Bitches

Oh Broadway Bitches.  I have a heancanon that Chris came up with this at 2 in the morning and immediately texted Ashley cause he thought it was so funny.  Is it clever? Yes.  Is it something I’d use as a name for an organization dealing with kids? No...  But moving on... 

Can I just reiterate that Santana as a publicist is hilarious.  Also her line -- ‘a designer so fancy I can’t even pronounce his name, there’s hardly any vowels’ is a line Chris probably came up with way back on the season 1 press tour and never got to use. 

Anyway -  to rehabilitate her image, Rachel, Santana, and Mercedes are going to do a show.  And Kurt wants in -- cause Chris remembers continuity and Dani’s off doing roller derby and Elliott’s at a yoga retreat so no more One Tree Hill.  You know - I hate to say this - but I kinda see why he’s not invited here, cause it is about imaging - but they don’t have to be such awful people about telling him no.  

Santana actually says if he’s there he’d probably pull focus which is a) meta and b) probably true.  But Kurt’s rightfully hurt.  They get to continue to roll around in their self-involvement while Kurt gets to be shoved aside.  Again.  

I’m kinda surprised Kurt hasn’t taken up a drinking problem at this point. 

Memories

So Kurt goes to check out the retirement home.  They’re getting ready for their production -- and there are three different headshots of Maggie on that board.  Just saying.  Kurt thinks it’s pretty cool.  And I mean -- I think there is a cool story there to be told about actors who are now considered over their prime when in fact they’re still awesome and kicking butt.  

This episode is going to be a bit heavy handed about it -- cause as much as I love Chris, he’s incredibly heavy handed in his writing -- but it’s a nice sentiment.  And I do think it’s proper that Kurt would be infatuated with stars of old.  

I don’t really have any thing to add -- it’s just a nice shot of Kurt.  He’s amused by this sweet little production. 

Also! I suppose it’s time to bring up Billy Dee Williams and Tim Conway, who have really minor roles in this episode.  I kinda wish they were in it more - their characters are a bit fun.  

And then the woman who plays Peter dies.  Okay, so I kinda find the dark humor funny.  (Also Chris-ism.)  It’s fine guys.  I’m sure she had a delightful life.  

After the commercial break, and after Maggie’s irritation that the dead woman was selfish for dying and ruining the production, we get some more heavy handed commentary about how old people need a reason to keep on living.  Which -- is fine? Chris not to edit your script but you gotta work on more showing and less telling 

And then we get this weird beat of Tim Conway wanting to sit on the chair.  Move kid - it’s his chair! idk. I think it’s funny? 

Kurt claims he can fill in, unless they have rules against that.  They only really have two rules -- a) don’t loose your teeth and b) take the correct meds.  Sure.  The guy claiming he was a pterodactyl however steals the show with his delivery. It’s absolutely hilarious.  

Meanwhile - Kurt goes on to say how much he adored Mary Martin’s Peter Pan back in the day (which explains a lot.  Also Chris-ism.  Five bucks that was one of Chris’s favorite movies as a kid.)  Anyway - he also still sings like a girl so he can totally take it on.  

The retirement home has standards so they have to at least have to hear him sing -- which is great! Cause Kurt always carries around sheet music just in case, lol.  That’s such a Glee-esque line.  What?  

And then Kurt sings a perfectly adequate version of Memory from Cats.  

Okay - I don’t have a lot to say about it, tbh.  It’s nice, Chris sounds just fine on it -- and I’d guess this would be his last solo of the series if Maggie didn’t come in at the end.  But, you know, the song is more about cherishing the memory of these actors -- and people in general who are worth remembering for their great accomplishments - even if they aren’t doing as such any more.  Again - a nice sentiment.  But I don’t really have anything to meta about on Kurt.  

Also I don’t like this song (I’m sorry! don’t send me hate mail).  

By the end - Kurt’s inspired everyone to get up and keep on living.  And has proven to himself that he can handle Andrew Lloyd Weber.  

Btw - the couple of guys dressed up as the lost boys are super cute.  

Homocchio (Ha!) 

The scene before this, btw, is Rachel being dragged by dogs a block.  I mean - it’s funny, yes, but also, c’mon -- are you really going to tell me it’s not at least a little bit of payback? 

Anyway - Kurt bounces in to let Rachel and Santana know that he’s scored the role of Peter in a retirement home’s production of Peter Pan -- to which they are like - eh, okay, nice try Kurt.  And well, Kurt doesn’t take that too well.  I mean, sometimes a role is a role -- and Kurt’s obviously excited about it -- so if you’re a good friend, you suck it up and at least congratulate your friend.  I mean seriously.  But this is Rachel and Santana -  Santana mocks him and Rachel gets incredibly self-involved.  This has been the case since season 1 - so I’m not sure what Kurt was expecting. 

Kurt asks them to go - but they say no.  Santana’s honest about it being dumb, but Rachel claims she has her image to keep up and her stuff is more important.  And Kurt finally lets her have it -- he’s right, she calls him day and night to fix her shit, but when is she ever there for her? Honestly, this rant could have gone on for another five minutes.  It’s nice to see that I’m not the only one irritated by the unbalanced Hummelberry dynamic that’s been going on since season 3.  

Kurt storms out of there cause seriously, he’s had enough. 

Dress Rehearsal 

Hey - it’s time for an awkward dress rehearsal with some pretty entertaining jokes and some more heavy handedness about how you’re only as young as you feel.  I don’t think it’s a bad idea -- but does every scene have to have a speech about it?  

Anyway - Kurt’s sweet in his attempt to inspire them and himself, and suggests updating the music.  

Btw - there’s this line: Ever since you were a question on Jeopardy, you’ve been a know-it-all.  (ha! that made me laugh) 

And then we get some back story on Maggie - how she sends herself flowers because her daughter is estranged.  And Kurt feels sad.   I mean there’s some stuff in there about how Maggie’s daughter is like Kurt’s friends -- not really there when needed, which again, is a nice parallel. I’m just not really fond of Kurt feeling like he’s gotta fix things with Maggie instead of trying to fix things with his friends.  YMMV.

I Hate This Scene - Yup, I’m Going With That as a Header

So - Kurt claims he caused an oil spill in a national park and gets himself in to see Maggie’s daughter.  Oh my god - Kurt, no... At least Clara directly calls security (one guy - cause it’s Kurt) and then when Kurt claims it’s about his mother -- she thinks he’s ‘dating’ her to get her money.  

Oh, god, Chris, why did you write this scene?? 

So here’s my real issue.  The crux of it is about Kurt trying to get Clara to see her mom again cause Maggie misses her so much.  But Clara tells him that basically -- Clara was emotionally abusive to her, which is why Clara doesn’t go see her.  And then Kurt gives a song and dance about why she should just get over that -- and omg NO KURT NO! 

Look - I get the sentiment here -- that we should maybe try to make amends before it’s too late.  But - Clara made the healthy choice of cutting out an abusive family member and looks like she’s just doing fine on her own.  And to have a stranger, who has no understanding of the situation come in an tell you to try to fix it is over stepping like whoa.  Kurt is so in the wrong here - and I can’t even a little bit defend him.  

This story would have worked just fine if Maggie had her regrets and talked to Kurt about living his life and not having them -- it wasn’t needed for Kurt to fix Maggie and give her a happy ending.  Stories don’t always need to have happy endings to make their point.  

Anyway - Clara rightfully throws him out.  But not before Kurt goes on to talk about how his mom died and he wished he’d had one - so she should be grateful that she does. And be the better person and take care of Maggie now that she’s old - even if she sucked as a parent.  Again - no - this is also emotional manipulation.  Kurt, no! Stop! This scene is just... no!! 

I am glad that Clara just doesn’t say anything and gets him out of there.  

My Old Ladies Are Better Than Yours

To make up for the atrocity that was that previous scene - we get a Klaine scene that is really quite beautiful in its simplicity.  Chris didn’t have to put this in here -- but he did, and I’m grateful, because it’s sweet and warm and old married-like, and while Blaine really isn’t in this episode, I’m glad that they were allowed to have this small moment and leave the drama for someone else to write. 

So -- Blaine jokes that he’s missing stuff with June to be there for Kurt -- but ultimately, of course he’s there for Kurt.  Because he’ll always be there for Kurt.  Like I said earlier -- this story is more about Kurt’s issues with Rachel (and himself for feeling like he’s going nowhere) more than anything having to do with Blaine.  

I do think it’s interesting that Blaine comments on how happy Kurt’s been -- and how that hasn’t been the case lately.  I like that Blaine’s checking in, even if Kurt isn’t fully open.  Kurt admits that he feels like this role is finally a step forward in his life, and being with the retirement group is giving him something that he’s been missing -- but I do think there’s an underlying sadness that Kurt’s not addressing.  

Kurt’s not opening up to Blaine about his insecurities and his feelings -- and that is going to cause a problem.  While they are mostly fine -- I do think Kurt’s continued withdrawal from admitting how he feels is going to blow up in his face later.  Communication is key, guys, do it! 

How adorable is Kurt in this outfit? :) 

The other thing I really love about this scene is the casual intimacy of familiarity.  They are an old married couple in this scene -- from Blaine helping Kurt with his costume, to Kurt telling Blaine to sit a row back cause Gladys can’t keep solids down.  It’s not in-your-face affection - it’s light touches and smiles and I really love that during this arc they finally allowed Klaine to have that. 

Peter Pan

Before the show - Kurt asks Maggie if she’d like to be his family, since their own families are too busy for them.  It’s a sweet moment - but I’m also like -- Kurt, seriously -- talk to your friends!! But yeah, sometimes you do need to carve out your family where you can find it.  Non-tradition is an okay thing. 

For reasons I don’t fully understand, Kurt breaks down and calls Rachel -- apologizing for yelling at her (seriously?) and tells her he hopes her own show goes alright.  Kurt’s a good egg.  Rachel’s lucky to have him as a friend.  

She rushes him off the phone -- but only because she’s sitting with the rest of the gang waiting for his show to start.  And he’s stupidly excited.  See -- they love you Kurt -- they do!!  (Plus, it’s my headcanon that Blaine had something to do with rounding them all up...) 

And... then we get the whole reason Chris wrote the episode -- so he could fly around as Peter Pan while singing Madonna’s Lucky Star, with an entourage of old people in the background.  Lol.  The whole thing is cute and ridiculous and cute.  And of course, it works for the show, and gives a chance to Chris Kurt to completely geek out.  I mean, yes, I know, Kurt in that costume, but the old people are also ridiculously adorable in this scene. 

I’m not sure about the whole old people turning into little kids thing (man with the heavy handedness, the metaphor works fine without it) but it’s nearly blink and you miss it, so I won’t really even comment. 

Clara ends up showing up and reconciling with Maggie.  And I have a cold, dead heart because the scene just doesn’t work for me.  Like I said earlier -- not everything has to have a happy ending. 

But at the end of the day, this show is still Glee. 

But the important thing is that Kurt’s friends all showed up.  Rachel gushes that some day they’ll be old folks in a home (eesh) and Sam goes straight for the crotch to comment on the harness squeezing, um, things, lol.  But ultimately - Rachel’s set it up so that the old folks can come do the performance again -- so we can combine old people with puppies and could this episode be any cuter?  The only thing missing is aliens. 

Kurt: What do you say, Maggie, you think you got a second act in you? Maggie: I never used to believe in second acts.  But you’ve proven me wrong.

Omg.  Chris - this should be your submission for a place on the staff of a Disney show. 

Take Me Home

See -- look how adorable? 

After a rousing speech from Rachel about being shallow is dumb and you should care about things that are bigger than you are -- they break out into a chorus of Take Me Home.  And this is where I appreciate Lea Michele - because she’s able to sell the incredibly cheesy dialogue better than June Squibb.  I mean, look, I like cheesy - I do -- but it’s dialed up to 11 in this episode.  Chris, I love you to death, but you don’t have to try so hard to get your point across <3 

I’m sorry if I came off as extra harsh about the episode -- I don’t think it’s bad, and it’s certainly better than about half the other episodes of the show.  I think it’s just me nitpicking - cause I do adore Chris and I really want him to push himself to be better.  This is a great first try, and I really do hope he gets more tries in the future -- cause I do think he has potential.  I just want someone there to soften the rougher edges of his writing.  That’s all. 

And the episode ends with a mutual love fest for everyone.  Cause it’s not a true Glee ending without everyone barfing glitter and rainbows.  Lol, I’m only half being facetious - it’s cute, and a little wrong about Rachel, but fits the episode perfectly.

Oh my goodness - one more season 5 episode left... 

#finding kh #kurt hummel

[kob131]

RWDE Story Comparison 1: Dudeblade Part 1

https://rwdestuffs.tumblr.com/post/181687313437/done-dirty-word-choice

I’d give you the middle finger Dudeblade but I cut it so I’ll just settle for verbally tearing you apart.

You assholes wanna talk to other writers? FIne, better make sure you don’t share the same blind spots.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Not entirely sure how to break this down.

Basically, the choice in words is important. In a non-comedic series like this one, fans, theorists, and critics are going to comb over pretty much every detail.

Except that in a different post, when someone (suspicious you never mention WHO considering this is before Monty’s death) you bitch at the writers for a joke. An even then, people combed over Red Vs.Blue when it is largely comedic so that doesn’t work here.

Why am I doing this? Cuz Dudeblade is gonna try to use comedy as a defense since I’m gonna be using his precious fanfic.

Easy example: The word choice on how Qrow describes his semblance (fun fact: I have this particular screenshot labeled “Qrow being a melodramatic piece of shit” on my laptop).

Now, with the phrase “It’s always there, whether I like it or not.” Heavily implies that it’s on 24/7. That he has no control over it whatsoever. However…

This clarification from the Reddit AMA then says that Qrow’s semblance isn’t at all how he worded it. Now, this could be because even Qrow doesn’t know his semblance that well, but given that these are the writers whose response to being given an out by a fan who theorized that the reason Zwei survived all that stuff in Volume 2 was because Tai unlocked his aura was “There’s this thing called ‘Anime.’” I doubt that they’ll use that reason.

Funny thing:

"Indeed." Ganon added, "Do you want an update on that curse that I cast?"

Lex hummed and nodded in response. "Well, it took hold of the one that the emotionally weakest. They should be turning into a being of near-insufferableness soon."

"I'm pretty sure that 'insuferableness' isn't a word." Lex mentioned.

"It does not matter." Ganon replied, "Soon, we shall be able to use one of their own against them."

"Why the one with the most glaring emotional weaknesses, though? Wouldn't a much more stable victim be more useful to our cause?"

"The curse works in mysterious ways, Luthor. We must first force them on our side. Then, we break the heroes from the inside." Ganon replied.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11815703/104/Aftermath-The-DB-Chronicles

Why was the change so drastic? - Because time travel That's why.

https://www.deviantart.com/dudebladex/journal/Mewtwopoint-of-Future-Past-Alt-Timeline-battles-694649032

You’ve pulled that shit yourself.

So if it’s NOT okay when Miles does it, why did YOU do it?

Here’s another example:

Jaune knowing about Yang’s mom. Given Yang’s dialogue with Blake back in Volume 2, we can gather that it’s a very important secret to her. Given her reaction to Qrow knowing where Raven was but never telling her, we also know that for a fact. Given that Yang said that Ruby was a bit too young when she went on her “I want to find my mom” search to remember, we can gather that it’s likely that even Ruby doesn’t know. But, even if she did know, what reason does she have to tell RNJR?

Was she all “Hey guys! Let’s all share secrets with each other as a trust exercise! I’ll go first! Yang’s been searching for her biological mom for over ten years!”???

See, if it had been Ruby who had said Jaune’s line, we could gather that, yeah. Yang probably told her what happened. But we don’t get that. Instead, we get Jaune asking about it. Which either implies a betrayal of trust either on Qrow’s part, or on Ruby’s part. Either way, one of those two shared information that was very personal and important to Yang, and it was… brushed over.

IBurnBlonde: What, are you planning on dating me or something? IBurnBlonde: T? IBurnBlonde: Tifa? IBurnBlonde: Seriously. It's been ten minutes. What happened? IBurnBlonde: Forget it. I'm signing off. * * * [LockYourHeart has made a Private Chat With Buster Blader] LockYourHeart: Cloud! I need your help! Buster Blader: What is it? Did Yang confess her love to you? LockYourHeart: No, but she almost figured out that I have plans to date her! Buster Blader: smh… You didn't go on your tirade about how nobody deserves her, did you? LockYourHeart: … Buster Blader: You dug yourself in this, Tifa. I'm not digging you out. LockYourHeart: You are absolutely no help. Buster Blader: If you want help, as Link. Speaking of, I think he's in the main chat. LockYourHeart: Really? We might get to see how he chats with people? Buster Blader: Yep. Buster Blader: Tifa? Buster Blader: You did this to Yang, didn't you?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11815703/103/Aftermath-The-DB-Chronicles

Why do I bring this up? This is a betrayal of Yang’s trust in Tifa except Tifa is doing it for far more selfish and creepy reasons.

Again, apparently it’s okay when DUdeblade does it.

And as for a third example, we have this:

If the narrative or writers wanted to paint Tai as a “Father who is trying to work through his loss to take care of his kids” then these lines of dialogue don’t help in the slightest. “

"What?" Jaune asked, "Are you seriously going to tell us that we need to go out there? - I already lost enough people in my life, thank you very much."

"Then you aren't cut out for the real world, kid." Frank said, "I lost my wife and children, and I still go out to keep the city clean of criminal scum every day. But you?" He gestured to the swordsman, "You only lost someone you barely paid attention to. That was your only personal loss. Everyone else here lost more than you, more than once, and we still go out there to fight." Jaune was at a loss for words. "So make your decision. Live and hide, or fight and die.

" "Your girlfriend chose the second option. But considering that you couldn't be bothered to even try to save one of your other friends after bemoaning losing everything earlier, I guess it's no surprise that you can't be bothered to try when it's the whole world at stake." Deadpool sneered.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11815703/134/Aftermath-The-DB-Chronicles

"Klicks? What are those?" Jaune asked, "Can't we use a distance people actually know? Like Kilometers?"

"How did you get into a prestigious combat school without knowing this basic combat stuff again?" Chun-Li jeered.

"I uh…" Jaune stuttered. "He cheated." Tucker clarified, "He wasn't sent there to be used as a test dummy, he actually cheated."

"So, why doesn't he know the basics?" Chief asked in an annoyed tone. "I heard from Blake that he slept in class and spent most of his study time reading comics." Cheetara mentioned,

"That probably has something to do with it." Jaune sighed, "Can we just… drop it? Please?"

"This is going to escalate later." Mega Man realized, "I don't know how, but it will."

"Seriously, were you reading a comic book while we were doing the debriefing on the way here?"

"No!" "He actually wasn't." Tucker defended, "He was busy crying over a picture of his girlfriend that he has on his phone."

"There are other people who lost more than you." Master Chief pointed out, "Also, two Klicks to Joker and Skull's battleground."

"Guts definitely lost more than you." Doomguy pointed out, "How someone on the internet thought that you had the worse life than him is beyond me, but whatever."

"Guts has not had a 'worse life' than mine!" Jaune whined. "How so?" Chief asked, putting his binoculars away.

"His girlfriend's still alive." Jaune said, as if it proved his point.

Everyone else was silent. Even one Predator facepalmed at the statement.

"Starting to see why Guts said that nobody would miss you." Tucker sighed, "You make pain be all about yourself, and don't let anyone else mourn.”

"Please." Mega Man sighed, "Please tell me that you're making a joke that's in poor taste and that you don't actually believe that."

"Uh, it… kinda is…" Jaune trailed off.

"Oh my God." Tucker snarled, "You actually think that?"

"Well, I don't know his life!" Jaune defended.

"His girlfriend was violated!" Sonya screamed, "I swear, if you actually think that dying is a worse fate than that, then I'm throwing you out there to get killed!"

"See, this is why nobody likes you." Doomguy pointed out, "You don't care about anybody but yourself, and put more people in danger than you actually save."

"The only thing worse than baggage is baggage that whines and complains all the time." Master Chief replied, "Get your priorities straight kid. People might let failures slide if you actually try, but if you just look away from a friend about to be killed without trying to save them, then you aren't any better than the killer."

"How so?" Jaune asked, "All I hear is 'Jaune, you suck at this!' or 'Arc, you suck at that!' but I never hear any ideas of how to improve!"

"Did you ask?" Mega Man asked, deflecting some plasma blasts with his Mirror Buster. "Well uh, no… But-"

"No buts." The Blue Bomber replied, "It's not our job to 'open the door' for you and offer advice. You have to be willing to accept it, and acknowledge that you have things to improve on!"

"Yeah, I mean, I was willing to listen to Wash when he was offering some tips on how to be a better leader back on Chorus. But you just grunt and walk away." Tucker pointed out, taking his sword out of another Hydra soldier.

"You aren't complaining that it's hard to improve," Orchid growled, "You're complaining that it's not 'magically happening' automatically."

"Beat has the area covered. We can move on to the next sector." Mega Man reported.

"You can either stay here, or keep going." Tucker said to Jaune, who was visibly shaken up, "But we're not going to be playing babysitter. I get enough of that with Caboose. Except Caboose can actually fight."

Our HEROES ladies and gentlemen, showing even LESS empathy than Dudeblade’s delusions he calls Taiyang Xiao Long. For those of you who don’t know, Dudeblade hates Taiyang because he called Yag’s depression ‘moping.’ And yet here is his HEROES, the guys we’re suppose to be ROOTING FOR, mocking Jaune for the exact same thing, using arguments Dudeblade as decried as immoral and sociopath.

Once again, not okay for RWBY but a FAR FAR FAR worse version is okay for Dudeblade.

Overall, these lines and details don’t have a lot of thought put into them. They’re used to further develop characters, but the writers don’t realize the implications of who is saying it, what they are saying, and why the choice of words matter.

I could bring up in each instance how Dudeblade is fucking up, whether it be that Qrow doesn’t understand his Semblance, that Yang could have old JNPR like Blake told them about her race or the numerous arguments about Taiyang but you’ve heard it all before. Instead let me prove to you that RWDE has no fucking idea what it is doing, By showcasing that for every single bitch they deal out: they commit the same if not WORSE sin.

The issue from them isn’t the action: it’s just the person who did it they hate.

#dudeblade

[sirgoodmovie-blog]

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs: Be the Cowboy

The Coen brothers' weird little collection of western shorts make for a solid Netflix original.

Aside from To All the Boys I've Loved Before, Netflix's original films have had a spotty track record recently. The Cloverfield Paradox was a brilliant marketing stunt but a dud of a film. Bright was a neat idea on the surface but it was tanked by bad writing and a poorly considered race allegory. Death Note? Hahahahaha.

So they brought in the Coen brothers to help them course-correct with The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, a collection of six quirky old west vignettes. Written and directed by the brothers, the shorts are mostly unrelated to each other and vary wildly in tone, but they do share some common themes. Sort of. It's also funny that the first standout Netflix film in quite a while essentially watches like a Showtime miniseries. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, but it does mean that your mileage may vary on which shorts work for you and which ones don't.

An aside before I start talking about the movie in earnest: westerns are inherently problematic. It's pretty common knowledge at this point, but it's still worth mentioning. Even for the stories that aren't overtly about The Glory of Colonialism™, it's still an omnipresent undertone in the genre. Modern westerns have tried to sidestep this by doing away with old tropes and depicting life in the old west more realistically. The Coens already did this with True Grit, more or less.

Unfortunately, Buster Scruggs is uninterested in that modern style of western and leans fully into those old genre tropes. This mostly works in the film's favor, but it also means that Native folks in the film are nothing more than "bad guys" - just monsters to be feared. Obviously, that sucks! I still think the movie is worth watching, but if that turns you off I completely get it.

But okay, let's get into it. The first vignette is the eponymous Ballad of Buster Scruggs. Tim Blake Nelson plays Buster, the friendliest outlaw you're ever likely to meet. He talks directly to the camera, sings old country tunes, and kills people without a second thought.

He's rootin', he's tootin', and by God he's shootin'! Yeehaw!

The Ballad short is absurd and charming in that very specific Coen brothers way, and it does a great job of getting you into the film. It might be a bit too strong of a start though. None of the other shorts hit Ballad's manic energy. They're good, but they're definitely never this wacky again.

In Near Algodones, James Franco plays a highwayman with tremendously, monumentally terrible luck. It's darkly comedic and witty without overstaying its welcome, and it gradually brings down the energy so we can get to the truly tragic stuff. I really liked this one. Plus! The makeup team got James Franco real dirty. So that's cool.

Meal Ticket features Liam Neeson and Harry Melling (who played Dudley in the Harry Potter films) as the two purveyors of a traveling show. Harry plays an armless and legless actor, giving nightly dramatic readings in shanty towns, and Liam plays his impresario/caretaker. There's a lot to like in this one! The relationship between the two leads is communicated to the audience almost exclusively in body language and non-verbal cues. Most of the actual dialogue is in Harry's nightly performances. It's also nice to see Liam Neeson playing someone who isn't a grizzled tough guy assassin (for once). But despite all the good acting happening here, I'll admit I got a bit bored. If Meal Ticket was any longer than it is, it would be plodding. But thankfully it ends at a pretty good spot.

Next up is All Gold Canyon. Tom Waits plays an old prospector panning for gold in a verdant river valley. He believes he's on the trail of a big vein, but of course, things don't quite go according to plan. Tom Waits pretty much carries this entire vignette by himself, and he knocks it right out of the park. No surprises there! Alongside his performance are some of the most beautiful vistas the brothers have ever put to film. They were clearly enamored with the scenery, and the valley itself almost has as much character as the prospector. This short is definitely one of the strongest in the bunch.

And here's the weakest! In The Gal Who Got Rattled, Zoe Kazan plays Alice Longabaugh, a young woman traveling on a wagon train to Oregon with her brother. This is the longest vignette by far, and not enough really happens to justify that length. The Gal is going for a more grounded and realistic approach, and I get that! I understand that the Coens are going for a John Ford thing! But this short is too far removed from the rest of the film, tone-wise. It meanders for most of the runtime, and when things finally start to pick up, it turns out to be the longest sequence of "evil natives" nonsense in the whole movie. You can skip this one and not miss much, to be honest.

We do end on a good note though! The final vignette, The Mortal Remains, takes place almost entirely in a cramped stagecoach headed to Fort Morgan. A group of five people (including characters played by Brendan Gleeson and Chelcie Ross), all from different walks of life and all uncomfortably close to one another, talk amongst themselves and antagonize each other as the sun sets in the background. Not only is it a fun way to end the experience, but The Mortal Remains also calls direct attention to the main theme connecting all these unrelated stories:

Death, and how random and unfair it can be. Death permeates every short, and when people die in Buster Scruggs it's almost always tragic, or cruel, or ironic, or easily avoided. This definitely isn't new territory for westerns. But it's still interesting to see how the Coen's weave that theme through six different narratives. There's also a Frenchman in almost every short. So uh. There's that too.

Anyway! Netflix did alright with this one! The Ballad of Buster Scruggs definitely isn't perfect, but it's far better than most of their recent big-ticket offerings. If you're a fan of westerns or the Coens this is absolutely worth checking out. If not, just dip your toes in and see how you like it. The good thing about this movie is that you don't have to commit to a whole film or a whole TV show to enjoy it. At the risk of sounding cliche, there's probably something for everyone in there.

"I HAVEN'T SEEN THE CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES YET BUT I HEAR IT'S ALSO PRETTY GOOD! MY DECEMBER IS STACKED THOUGH, SO NO REVIEW." - Sir Goodmovie

#buster scruggs #ethan coen #joel coen #the coen brothers #westerns

[moonraccoon-exe]

Tumblr sucks and are my ask so! Did you know that after Ignis goes blind, if you press attack near him, he stumbles and then Prompto and Gladio yell at Noct? It makes me feel guilty whenever it happens but then Noct goes on to try and say it was an accident and? How do you accidentally swing a sword and hit a blind person? Poor Ignis has nothing to say in his own defense though :(

BAD, BAD Tumblr that eats asks! >:( Thanks for sending it in again!!

Ah, my. Yes, I had noticed, but even despite that, reading it is like a reminder and it’s like adding salt to the wound that I forgot I had, hahahah :’D IT BURNS.

I declare myself guilty for trying to swing a sword nearby blind Ignis in Cartanica on purpose, just to see what happened or if Gladio got mad. I wasn’t expecting him to really get mad, though. :’(

Also Prompto! It surprised me from him, to be honest. I knew Gladio was angry and so while I wasn’t expecting him to really get angry, it was not a surprise as it is. But when Prompto joined him and started complaining and nagging him, that really took me off-guard, and it sort of made me feel incredibly guilty.

Maybe it’s because Prompto had always been the sunshine boy all across the journey and never got in troubles with anyone; Prompto, the smiling boy, the weakest of the group so far, the happy-go-lucky cheerful sweetheart, nagging you. Getting upset at you. Angrily asking “what has Ignis ever done to you?” It was Prompto and his nagging what really got to me. I didn’t feel sad, but it made me feel very, very, very guilty… I felt suddenly so little in comparison and like I had done the worst thing ever, and that I would never be able to get out of their memories the once that I swung my sword at a blind Ignis and that they would forever remember about it, and even if they forgave me, just the fact that they would remember was enough to make me feel microscopic and like guilt ate me from the inside aklsjdflksgdjlskdjf

You know what the worst part is? Well, now that I’m writing it, thing is, I play with JPN audio, so I don’t know if it fits too. But the way I play, Prompto doesn’t sound…necessarily angry. He just sounds upset and like Noctis is behaving like a child. More than angry, Prompto sounds very mature. Which honestly just makes it worse; was it anger, you’d think he’ll cool down at some point, or that he just wants an excuse to yell at you. But no; Prompto has he head and mind cool, he’s not nagging you because he’s angry, he’s nagging you because you’re an immature and uncaring selfish little shit that doesn’t look twice. Hngnh… see, that’s why it got to make me feel so guilty. Because suddenly the guy that I saw as the puppy and the kid of the group suddenly sounds so mature, and that the child-like one of the group makes YOU feel like a child, that really weighs, ahahaha, ah…

I think the dialogues are really meant for when it happens on accident; when you switch weapons and Iggy happened to be walking right behind you, or when you’re finishing battle and you miss hitting attack after it’s over, and Iggy happened to be nearby, etc. I guess it COULD be an accident, mostly if Ignis is behind and nearby; Noct could swing a sword and not notice him there, or in battle, when it’s all frantic and there’s like, almost no time to be like “Oh, yes, excuse me, I need to stand here so if you could move two steps to the left, that would be fantastic”. So I guess it can really be an accident,…which really just makes it even WORSE ahahaha :’D

Because Noct really didn’t mean it…but the bros are making it feel like he could have avoided it and didn’t. Hnghng, Prompto and Gladio really make a good team when it comes to make me/Noct feel guilty to the point of wanting to run away and do it all on my own while they wait sat there, but they also get angry if I get too far from them ahahah :’D

WHY ARE YOU MAKING THINGS SO COMPLICATED, CHOCOBROS, I’M JUST TRYING TO ACCEPT MY DESTINY AS A KING THAT HAS TO DIE AS SOON AS HE TOUCHES THE THRONE CAN YOU PLEASE BE A LITTLE MORE PATIENT THANK YOU.

I mean, Noct still doesn’t know about that sacrifice he has to make, but he didn’t need that; by that point I’m amazed none of the guys, mostly Gladdy, Ignis, or Noct, had a nerve and emotional breakdown and stopped functioning. It was too much stress! :’(

You know what I hadn’t noticed until I read your ask, though?

That Ignis says nothing…

I hadn’t noticed that. You know why I think it’s the saddest thing?

Because Ignis is conscious enough that those comments will make Noctis feel guilty, and he doesn’t want to add to that.

And even more. Ignis is probably too hurt by this sensation of being a burden to ask Noctis to be careful; saying that is admitting that Noct did hit him or was about to, and admitting that is admitting Ignis didn’t see it. Admitting that, then, would be admitting that he’s but an obstacle now, useless, that he can’t even avoid or stop friendly fire/accidental hits.

But knowing Ignis, it’s probably a more selfless thing, and I think it’s because he doesn’t want Noctis to feel guilty.

By this point, Ignis does know what Noctis’ fate is. Ignis has never tried to make Noctis stress out, but Ignis is often trying for Noct to not be lazy. Ignis pressures him not into stress, he just pushes him enough to motivate him to work harder. And yes, Noct can be annoyed and even angry at Ignis’ constant “do this”, “don’t do that”, “try doing this”, “remember to”, “did you already”, “have you yet”, “Noct, I must remind you”, etc. Ignis does it just because he wants Noct to become better, but he understands that it can annoy Noctis.

So now that Ignis knows what awaits for him, and after all Noctis has already been through… Ignis doesn’t have the heart to continue pressing him.

This is the point where Ignis stops telling him what and how to do it, and it’s honestly heartbreaking. In the past, Ignis did it so that Noctis would become better and do a good job as the Chosen. But now that Ignis understand what being the Chosen means… part of him doesn’t have the heart to put more pressure on Noctis…and, maybe, part of him doesn’t want to press him into being better, because maybe if he’s not better tomorrow, he won’t die the day after it.

:(

Gods, maybe I’m looking too much into it, but the idea is heart-wrenching. I’m mostly rolling, though, with the idea that Ignis just doesn’t want Noctis to have even more on his shoulders; Noctis has more, way beyond more than enough just with Lunafreya’s death and seeing Ignis in that state. Prompto and Gladio nagging him really just pushes him past the limits that are beyond the limits, that are beyond the first limits, of stress and guilt. Noctis must be to the very top of his head, his glass must be so full, at half-half a drop of spilling…the very last that Noctis needs is for Ignis to add anything.

So he doesn’t; Ignis stays quiet. Noct may have hit him on accident, or almost, and he does need to be more careful, he does need to look behind and around him before doing his moves, he does need to remember Ignis is not in conditions, Noctis does need to this or that.. But Ignis keeps quiet. He knows Noctis is feeling guilty to the point he can’t even look at the ring without having a breakdown. Ignis doesn’t have the heart to press him more, not even a tiny bit. Noct is suffering, and as much as Ignis may have something to say, he doesn’t. He can’t. It’s too much for him, Noctis’ own suffering…

In some way, Ignis is not complaining about being hit by accident, because he would very much rather be hit with a sword, than put Noctis into more stress and pain.

Oh, Ignis, that selfless creature… :(

So yeah. I hadn’t noticed that Ignis stays quiet. I mean, it’s one of those things you notice but you only really notice for real, as in the weight of it, until someone else words it. And it’s amazingly heart-breaking.

Whether it’s for fearing to admit to himself that he couldn’t see the hit coming, for not having the heart to nag Noctis because he knows Noct is already stressed and guilty past his limits, or because Ignis can’t dare push Noct to become better because Ignis now knows he’s really just pushing him to his grave…

That last bit, though. The possibility that Ignis knows what Noct has to face in his future, and Ignis doesn’t have the heart to advise him as he used to do in the past because now he knows where all of Noctis’ hard work is leading him…

That’s maybe the most heartbreaking of possibilities, because Ignis isn’t even thinking about the fact that HE’s getting hit, he’s just- thinking about Noctis. As always. But in the worst of ways this time; knowing he’s to die sometime soon… :’(

AKSÑJDSJTSÑKFJSDKFJSKGÑSLDJFÑASDKJSDÑKFJFS

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, DEAR ANON, WHY WOULD YOU POINT OUT SOMETHING SO HEARTBREAKING AND HORRIBLE I LOVE IT.

Aahkjsadksajfdkfjslkgs… seriously, this is so sad ;A;

I hadn’t noticed it this way, aah :’(

But anyway, yes!! Those are my thoughts. C:

Thanks a lot for dropping this ask in. It really put me to think and it made my perception of the Cartanica dungeon even wider and more vast, and makes it even sadder. Ignis and Noctis truly are very tragic characters and they touch very fragile heartstrings within me.. :’(

Thanks as well for checking the Did Coon Get My Ask list! And thank you even more for sending your ask back in. I want everyone to know it’s fine to send it again if it’s missing, and it really is a huge relief to me that you do send it again. I’m not ignoring anyone. :)

Thank you LOTS for this amazing ask that will definitely make my next gameplay, whenever it may be, absolutely better and sadder (in a good way of experiencing it) because now I have a wider way to look at it.

Thanks a LOT for choosing this raccoonie to share your thoughts with, too! It’s an honor and a pleasure to me. ( ˙꒳​˙ )

Thank you, dear anon!!

I hope you’re having a MOST FANTASTIC day or night!!  (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ

#ignis meta #ffxv meta #coonthoughts #this ask troubles me because i don't know if i should add a read more #i didn't think it was too big for a read more #but i also don't think it's short enough for comfort #pls tell me if i should add it akjsdlajdsf

[atleastputinsomeeffortinuroc]

Rant/Review: Ready Player One --aka-- Just Watch Wrinkle in Time Instead...

I don’t usually hate movies. 

I know that seems backwards considering that this blog is me complaining and ranting incoherently about movies I don’t like, but very few movies leave me seething. Even all of the Detective Conan movies, which are mostly terrible pieces of garbage, I don’t necessarily hate. Red Crimson Letters is a terrible waste of time and energy, but I wasn’t insulted or felt talked down to. It was just a really bad movie I wanted to talk about.

In my life, there have only been three movies who have truly enraged me. “Batman v Superman,” “Joy,” and “War for the Planet of the Apes.” 

Objectively, there are aspects that are genuinely good in all of them and are definitely better than I probably give them credit for...but I doubt it, but they just flare up an anger in me for one reason or another. They’re permanently on my “fuck that movie” list. And now…now there’s another entrant to that prestigious list.

Ready Player One.

My GOD. THIS was the book everyone’s been talking about? THIS is supposed to be the fucking bible of pop culture?! THIS MOVIE?! THE ONE THAT UNIRONICALLY HAS THE PHRASE SPOKEN BY HUMAN VOCAL CHORDS “FANBOYS ALWAYS KNOW A HATER?!!” ARE YOU GUYS--…ok. Ok, I need to calm down. 

There are several, several, SEVERAL parts about this movie that don’t work, and I could go into a lot of the problems, but instead I’m going to try to talk about three aspects of the film. And for the sake of me not swearing up and down, we’re not going to talk about that godawful dialogue. Just know that it sucks.)

1) The ham-fisted arc

2) The protagonist and his trophy waifu

3) References over content

There are spoilers ahead, and I’m going to write this with the assumption that you’ve already seen the movie. If you haven’t, you’ve been warned. Anywho, let’s get started. Put on some “a-ha,” break your nostalgia goggles and join me as we go down this road where I collectively shit over Spielberg’s attempt to adapt a supposed “beloved classic.” (CAN YOU TELL I’M MAD?!)

1)     The arc

Here’s the thing with arcs in narratives, and more specifically films. 

They need to feel earned. 

Your central character has gone through a life-altering change or point of view since the beginning of the film due to the adventures and trials had throughout the film. Good examples include “Mad Max: Fury Road” where Max finally lets others into his life and sees the value in not going through life alone as described by the part where he donates his own blood and tells Furiosa his name. Another good example is actually from the Oscar nominee Spielberg had LITERALLY LAST YEAR, “The Post.” In it, Kay Graham finally put her foot down and shows authority by stepping out of her comfort zone to release the Pentagon Papers—damn what the powers that be say. This is important to any narrative because it shows the flaws of your characters through their insecurities and hesitations to make them human rather than movie characters. Even if you have paragon characters like Superman, Wonder Woman, or Batman, they still have to overcome some kind of personal issue that is keeping them from achieving what they’ve wanted.

Now, if you look over to the main character, you can see that his arc was…what is it that was his arc? 

He’s…he’s the same at the beginning as he was at the end. 

“OH BUT HE HAS A PENTHOUSE AT THE END,” yeah that’s not a change. One could argue that the (even though the catalyst for change has no fucking relation to it) arc is about unplugging and enjoying the real world. The bits at the end with Easter Egg man where he starts going on and on and on about how he missed reality or something, and the VERY BRIEF bits at the beginning where you see people all over the VR systems, one of which is the mother neglecting a fire in the house and one where an Asian man almost commits suicide after losing all of his stuff in the game (it’s played for comedy, so THAT’S also pretty fun, because it’s not like Japanese suicide rates are a serious issue or anything OH WAIT.) So it’s about being close to reality and unplugging. Ok. Coolio.

But here’s the thing, similar to “War for the Planet of the Apes”…YOU HAVEN’T EARNED IT. There are brief moments where it kind of alludes to it (see the middle challenge with ‘oh yes, I should have kissed the girl during the Shining’ and the small bit at the middle where the main two are sitting there and the main dude has ONE HALF-ASSED LINE about how “it’s nice here. It’s slower,”) but that’s IT. It doesn’t actually give you a reason to think that staying in the Oasis and avoiding reality is a BAD thing. Sure you have abusive father obsessed with getting high scores but he’s just one dimensional asshole dad who dies and you don’t give a shit about it one second later after his parental figures are killed. 

There are no real CONSEQUENCES to spending too much time in the Oasis, it’s just because he’s good at the game. And if there are, they sure as hell aren’t focused on in favor of mindless spectacle (which looks REALLY BAD by the way. I know it’s supposed to look fake because video game, but do the main characters have to use the ugliest models in existence?!) As such, the ending and central arc of learning is lost.

So what’s the arc? Well…there is none. Nothing is really learned, nothing is really gained that MATTERS aside from the keys to Willy Wonka’s goddamn chocolate factory. 

Z or Perzival or Wade or generic-white-gamer-boy learns all of fucking NOTHING by the end. (As such, it makes the ending where he says “EVERYONE HAS TO BE OFF ON TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS” come off as BULLshit.)

But no, this is clearly the Spielberg classic. It’s not like Indiana Jones learned anything in the Last Crusade as a character only he totally fucking DID, HE LEARNED TO RESPECT AND LOVE HIS FATHER WHO HE PREVIOUSLY DESPISED AND THE IMPORTANCE OF—sorry. Sorry I’m getting a bit mad again.

Anywho, due to a lack of a real arc, it makes you think that the entire fucking plot was pointless. It was just inevitable that the good guy win because…well he’s the main character. He doesn’t say anything about anything but is instead dumb fluff, which would be fine…but here’s the thing. It also affects the main characters. And it affects them HARD.

2)     Tweedledee and Tweedledumbass

The two main characters have no personality or character due to this lack of an arc.

The main man, Wade, his personality is…what exactly? He’s just generic hero-boy who is obsessed with the 80s. “He’s like a regular Star-Lord!” I hear you say, only he totally fucking isn’t. Starlord has baggage, has character has points and instances that stretch BEYOND just quoting 80’s movie and saying the actual phrase that a screenwriter actually wrote down and didn’t immediately delete that went “FANBOYS ALWAYS KNOW A HATER” NO I AM NOT OVER IT.

...Point is, the references don’t make Star-Lord who he is, it’s the character of Peter Quill himself. Cocky, brash, and in many ways, a child running from his past. 

As for Wade, he’s got nothing. I’ve looked over this sometimes, depending on the writing or the situation, so maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much, but the actor who plays him isn’t doing a good job. I know I don’t talk about acting a lot, but the man…the man is just whining through his lines. He comes off as insufferable with his needless 80’s knowledge that I was genuinely rooting for the one-dimensional villain to kill that fucking brat.

Then we have Artemis or Samantha or Sam or its-the-pixie-cut-rebel-chick.  

There are several scenes that are etched into my brain now (including a FUCKING NUT-SHOT AND A PASSWORD FOR A HUMAN ADULT THAT IS “B055MAN69.” IN A SPIELBERG MOVIE. THE MAN WHO MADE INDIANA JONES AND SCHINDLER’S LIST.), but one of the big ones is the final image of the film in which the main character in his 80’s man-boy cave spins around with his beautiful woman sitting in his lap as they suck face as the line “reality is pretty awesome anyway” or something like that. Aside from the main character not earning that statement as previously stated…fucking let’s look at it for what it is.

The man just won a real-life walking-talking waifu. A trophy wife that he wins at the end of the game.

She’s what probably made me see through the movie the most honestly. She makes this big fucking deal about “oh, but I’m not who you think I am on the outside, I’m not pretty” and then when you go outside to the real world, of course she’s the fucking gorgeous Hollywood white girl—she just has a goddamn birthmark on her eye to be her “blemish.”

“Oh but she’s insecure about it,” I hear you say--I’m sorry, but you mean to tell me NOBODY told her she’s fine and beautiful with the eye-mark BEFORE Wade? You mean to tell me she’s insecure, but not insecure enough to feel the need to buy fucking MAKE-UP!? I’m not saying that she needs it, I’m saying that the character’s central flaw is the WEAKEST FUCKIN FLAW I HAVE EVER SEEN. YOU WANNA CHANGE THE GAME, QUASIMODO THAT SHIT. 

THEN, and this part was just fucking HILARIOUS to me, she mentions about how the ioi company fucking KILLED HER FATHER in a workshop and she has to stop him for revenge…and then it’s totally dropped. Like it’s never mentioned by the end. At all. She chucks a grenade into Mechagodzilla to kill the bossman but fuck me if it ain’t satisfying and adds physically NOTHING to her character.

Her character exists for one purpose. She is the love interest who sets the main character off on his journey. Nothing more. And I say that, because SHE’S THE CATALYST FOR HIM FINDING THE FIRST KEY. She tells him something that reminds him of something that solves the puzzle. And what’s more, I am willing to bet that THAT’S the reason they kept her Hollywood pretty. Because you need to have an attractive romantic love interest to keep the audience pleased. 

Now apparently, she does more in the movie than she does in the book. And that’s great. That’s super. She’s the one breaking in to destroy the d20 of doom. Hell yeah I guess. But I also don’t care. You wanna know why? BECAUSE I AM NOT READING THE BOOK. Superficial changes that improve certain aspects doesn’t make the movie better than it is. It’s like polishing a fucking turd. Yeah, it’s nicer than what you had, but you are still making me hold this piece of dogshit.

They don’t have characters. They don’t have chemistry BECAUSE they don’t have characters. It’s a fucking wash.

3) Drowning in References

But now we talk about the big one. The big fucking thing that everyone and their mother is obsessing about this movie over. And the thing that has gotten me from not liking this movie to fucking DESPISING it.

The references.

To quote from people who will be seeing the movie in the theater *ahem*...

“OHMYGOD IS THAT TRACER?! OH AND IT’S HARLEY AND THE JOKER! OH! OH! OH! IRON GIANT! HALO! BORDERLANDS! BACK TO THE FUTURE! BATMAN—FUCKING IT’S THE BATMAN! THEY MENTIONED THRILLER! THAT’S PRINCE! STREET FIGHTER! MECHA-GODZILLA FIGHTING GUNDAM! MINECRAFT! NINJA TURTLES! FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH! STAR TREK! FIREFLY! THE SHINING! IT’S FUCKING CHUCKY!!!”

…Ok? So what?

Not to be a snob, but seriously—so what? Why does it matter?

Listen, I like crossovers too. I remember the Avengers and what a big goddamn deal it was, and how it made everyone’s jaw drop to the ground, and how in some ways, it still does. But whereas with those it felt organic, Ready Player One with its ninety thousand references felt…empty.

I’m going to bring out two comparisons to the table that do the same thing that Ready Player One did, “Who Framed Rodger Rabbit?” and “Wreck-It Ralph.” Both had pop-culture icons throughout them. One had all of the classic cartoons all spliced together—where you saw Daffy Duck and Donald Duck in the same shot having a dual piano-off. One of them had all of these video game characters that you loved and embraced since you were a kid, running around and hanging out ala “Toy Story.” These big names are all in the background, just like Ready Player One, but they’re clearly different in terms of execution. Why is that?

Well it’s because the movies weren’t reliant on them. Sure, Rodger Rabbit had fun moments with these big names, but if you took them out and animated totally new characters with similar personalities, what would you lose? Nothing. The plot is the same, the dynamics are the same, and it can still be seen as a salute to the classic animations from back in the day to also an allegory for the Jim Crowe era just as the book intentionally was. Same goes for Wreck-it Ralph, the character goes through a fundamental change that has him accepting who he is and how “there’s nobody else I’d rather be, than me” ALL THE WHILE paying respects to classic arcade video games.

The same can’t be said for Ready Player One. The instant you take away the pop-culture references, the movie loses its protective suit of armor to reveal it’s about…nothing. 

It is. 

Nothing. 

The generic quest, the generic corporate baddie, the generic love interest, the main character has nothing to say, and the conflict is revealed to be flat—nothing about it sticks out or makes an impression.

And if you fail to make an impression without a fucking suit pop-culture references then, well, if I may use a pop-culture quote myself...“If you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it.”

Plain and simple.

But then…there’s the one thing I can’t really debate. 

“It’s just fun though, right?”

Yeah sure. I’ll admit around that third act, even though it was long overdrawn, I had fun watching the violence and references I understood while they blasted “We’re Not Gonna Take It” in the background.

But y’know what? It was just about as enjoyable as seeing someone adapt a piece of shitty fanfiction, because both have one thing in common for everything that they do: It’s just there for fan service. If you make the statement “well the Oasis is cool,” then you’ve clearly missed the point because you don’t like the movie, you like it’s gimmick. And it’s gimmick exists—it’s called VR Chat.

Meanwhile, screenwriters of different backgrounds, ethnicities, genders and religions from everywhere across the world are actually putting EFFORT into their screenwriting and directing. And while their action scenes for their blockbuster idea may not be perfect, they at least tried and did something new with it.

I went to see “Wrinkle in Time” today after I’d seen Ready Player One yesterday, needing to see literally anything good. And yeah, it’s not perfect. It’s got some stilted dialogue and some questionable acting on nearly all fronts at points and the conflict can be about as cliched as you can imagine, but the visuals, the costume design—you could tell everyone cared and put a goddamn effort into everything put forth. It’s much more gorgeous than the downright UGLY CG that was in the Oasis world in Ready Player One, and I guarantee you nobody had the phrase “B055MAN69” anywhere. It didn’t pander to kids or guys who wanted to feel validated for knowing a couple references. It wanted to tell the story of fighting back evil and hatred by embracing love. It’s cheesy and sappy…but fuck me, if it didn’t try to say something while having fun.

But fuck that movie right? We have Iron Giant fighting Mechagodzilla. 

If you have that, then why bother putting in effort?

That’s what kills me. It’s lazy and people praise it because it just stuck pop-culture words in a fucking blender. Don’t call it innovative. Don’t call it original. Don’t call it anything than what it is.

80’s. Prepubescent. Fucking. Fanfiction.

You can love it and enjoy it if you want, I mean I don’t like not liking movies. It sucks. And in some aspects, I can see why you can if you turn your brain off but…I’m not gonna lie, to see this get away with murder insults me.

Listen, I love Spielberg. There is nobody I respect more in the business. His work in AI, and the reason why he did so to keep a dying friend’s vision alive will always keep him as one of my personal heroes but…sometimes you gotta call people out when they make shit. And I am.

I don’t care what anyone says, don’t see Ready Player One. Watch something worthwhile. Go to Netflix and watch “Stranger Things” if you’ve got that need for an 80′s kick, or hell--”Blade Runner 2049″ is a visual goddamn MARVEL. Go see “The Post” or “Jaws” if you want some good Spielberg. Just PLEASE! Go see something that isn’t just a bunch of references that almost feel as though it’s a remake of “ctrl+alt+del.” 

(Random aside, people have told me to read the original book...but if that fucking thing is ANYTHING like this movie, I’d rather BURN IT than let it get one inch into my house. So no, I’m not going to read the book even if there are claims that it’s “better.” (Even though I believe that it’s impossible to say a book is better than it’s adaptation or vice versa because it’s two different mediums and as such it’s hardly fair, but that’s a whole other thing.) Point is, I’ve never been more turned off to a book in my godddamned life and I ain’t gonna bother.)

#ready player one #ready #player #one #review #long post #rant #movie #film #spielberg #steven spielberg #wrinkle in time #angry rant #movies #films #pop culture #80s #nostalgia #issues #issue #mad #wade #wade watts #artemis #ernest clline #ernest #cline #perzival #z

[emilywatchescursedshow]

Spn Season 1 Review

Hoboy

First, the live blogs of the last 4 episodes were done in a haze of jetlag depression so were less specific to what was actually happening in the episodes than normal and contained no extraneous information. HOWMEVER. I will get into those episodes more in this recap because:

1. I do not feel like the season really Led Up to this finale. Part of that could be because I took a bit of a break halfway through, but I think also the groundwork for the Sam/John parallel they tell us about was not really set up in previous episodes. 2. I think that the characterization of the brothers and their relationship to John is really Interesting in these episodes and the drama of that is a big part of the show as a whole, so the last several episodes are pretty relevant here.

THEMING The theme of season 1 is more or less: family. How do you handle family trauma and loss? How do you as a parent protect your children vs let them have independent lives (or just suck major ass)? To what extent is your family holding you back? Etc. The two sort of relationship dynamics this plays in is the Sam/Dean dynamic and the John/sons dynamic.

DEAN Dean’s characterization through this theme remains pretty consistent: he wants to be with his family. He showed up to get Sam at the beginning of the season, and he wants to keep them all alive at the end of the season instead of sacrificing John to kill the demon. The irony is that the season ends with them all “dying” (I know they’re not dead, but right now that’s what the show wants us to believe) and Dean’s insistence on family unity is what ends up getting them all killed.

Dean’s story line throughout has been one of responsibility assumed too early. After their mom died, his dad basically made him co-parent. Dean had to give up his ambitions to bend to his dad’s wishes while also trying to protect Sam from John and various monsters. It makes sense for him, given that backstory, that keeping the family together is his highest priority: he has been forced to give up all sense of self to keep his family safe, so if they die then he literally has nothing. I think it’s interesting that Dean is the only one of him or Sam who actually knew their mother, and yet Sam is the one who gets a mother-relevant character arc.

That might be because of the next aspect of Dean’s character we see: he likes to have sex with women. I tend to be pretty sensitive to misogyny/mistreatment of women on screen, so either I’ve lost my mind or I’m already watching this show through a very queer lens because Dean’s treatment of women throughout the season Did Not Bother Me. The only thing that really rang sour was at the beginning of Provenance when Dean is lying to women about his job to get into bed with them, but even then, like, eh? The whole scene (and all the other such scenes) are depicted with a lightheartedness that is hard to read malice into, and Jackles plays that part with such a wide-eyed “Wow! I get to have sex now!” that it’s hard not to feel anything but happy for the guy. I do suspect that Dean is supposed to be characterized as “treating women like whores/expendable” and so does not have an attachment to his mother in this season because he’s not allowed to have a complex relationship with a woman.

SAM Uh boy. So Sam’s arc begins with his girlfriend getting immolated - we learn later that Sam wanted to propose to her and so she was getting in the way of the demon’s plans for “kids like him.” Whatever that means - the show does not communicate its stakes to us AT ALL, more on that later. Sam gets some episodes of characterization throughout. The only two I can remember are the one with the abused psychic and the one where a woman decides she’s in love with him within seconds of meeting him. In neither episode to I really feel like I understand Sam as a character. We are told at various points that he really loved Jessica and her death has affected him greatly. At the beginning of the season, he dreams about it often, but these dreams end up being psychic in nature (I think?) and fall off by mid season. He doesn’t have a keepsake of hers to gaze at longingly or any other way of showing he’s having trouble letting go. Dean basically lets him off the leash to go kiss Sarah in Provenance, which he seems pretty happy to do and has no real guilt over after. Sam’s characterization is carried out very directly - we are told what he is feeling or had felt, instead of some combination of saying it via dialogue and reading it from his actions. I’ve mentioned that I don’t think Jarp is especially strong as an actor, but I have to chalk this up to both weaknesses in writing and acting because scenes that communicate Sam’s internal world are largely nonexistent IMO.

We are told that the connection between their mother’s death and Jess’s death has had a great impact on Sam. He believes that he is cursed so that the “people he loves” (read, women) will die. While in a broad sense this might be true as the demon does admit to have targeted Sam, the supposed “curse” is not really dealt with by Sam except as a barrier in his journey to move on from lost love. Jess’s death served as Sam’s call to adventure at the beginning of the season and should give some emotional connection to Sam’s continued commitment to hunting, but until the final episodes Sam’s involvement in the monster world is continually explained as “wants to find dad” and not “wants to break curse.” In these episodes, Sam’s Jess backstory comes back and we are told that his desire to kill the demon makes him “like John.” Which. Is. Stupid. Let me explain.

In terms of the theming, Sam’s wanting to kill the demon even though it might cost the lives of any number of the Winchesters makes sense because of his established relationship with his family. He wanted to have a normal life which alienated him from Dean and John. Sam has very negative memories of John, and has little brother blindness to the stuff Dean did for him growing up and is largely unhappy with Dean as well. Thus it is not surprising that to Sam, a Winchester dying is not as large a price to pay if it means that Sam gets to have a normal life.

HOWEVER. I am giving the show a LOT of credit here because they DO NOT make that connection, instead going for the stupid “Sam is like John” parallel which is treated almost like a surprise reveal. John’s reasons for killing the demon are NOT Sam’s reasons for killing the demon. John is motivated by revenge to an insane degree: it has consumed his life and the lives of both of his sons. Sam is not revenge motivated. He moves on from Jess’s death in literally THE EPISODE before the finale run starts. Sam is motivated by what he has always been motivated by: his desire for a normal life, including a wife who wont burst into flames. So on a thematic level, short-handing these character conflicts as “Sam is like John” (which is explicitly stated multiple times throughout these episodes) does not work because these characters are approaching family from a very different place even if they end up with the same goal.

I do want to mention that I think Sam’s backstory of wanting a normal life could have been set up better; the show does a good job with Dean’s “too much responsibility too young” child stand-in, but Sam does not get a “I just wanted to go to prom” child stand-in. Which I miss because that would be HILARIOUS. I think the issue the show has here with Sam is, in short, that Sam wanting to be normal is Very Boring, whereas the world of monsters and how Tortured and Jaded everyone is is much Sexier.

JOHN The text of the show is pretty unabashed about telling us things that John did that a reasonable audience member could interpret as being Very Bad. In the brief moments he has on the show, the dynamic between him and his sons is mixed. There are plenty of heartfelt family moments, and there are plenty of fights. I think the show is definitely weakest when it is following John by himself. I do not care about John except as he relates to Sam and Dean, and really if he is in any sort of danger I just want him to die based on how awful he is as a person, so the suspense does not swing the way the writers maybe wanted it to. 

I think the twist at the end, where Dean realizes the demon has possessed their dad because he’s acting nicer, just b a r e l y works based on what they’ve set up. Honestly, I think the real problem is that John Winchester’s actor does not, to me, read as having any onscreen charisma. In the altercations that he has with Sam, I don’t really feel a threat from him. There isn’t any explosive or destructive energy, just sort of “your mom is mad you ate the last of her ice cream” energy. I’ve literally BEEN a more intimidating fake drill sergeant than John Winchester and I’m 5 feet tall and 110 lbs. John has big sad wet dog energy. He can get mad, but not in a way that’s actually intimidating. Thus, him telling Dean that he’s proud is sort of like “yeah, I bet this milksop is proud or whatever” and not “wow I would have expected that character to be a lot more upset right now.” I get that family dynamics can be complicated and a parent can cause you Bone Pain with just a look that to anyone else would seem harmless, but this is a television show where things have to read on screen. One Look Bone Pain is a lot more nuanced to construct. I think John being Big Mean Drill Sergeant is what they’re trying for, but in my opinion he's mostly just annoying.

Anyway John sucks.

WHAT’S NOT THERE The above talks a lot about what *is* in the show vis. the family theme. But Emily, this is a monster show. What about the monsters? Well. What about them indeed.

This first season of Supernatural is very clearly referencing the tradition of The X-Files and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A lot of former X-Files people are credited on the season and they mention BTVS by name in an episode that is clearly themed around season 6 Buffy villains. Howmever. Both TXF and BTVS have a very important thing that Supernatural does not. STAKES. And not just ones meant for vamps that then get ignored by SPNs stupid vamp lore voice over.

Both BTVS and TXF handle their monsters very differently. BTVS is a universe where the main character has been fully initiated into the world of monsters so that, throughout the course of the episode, it is reasonable for her to detail pretty specifically what the monster is and what it is capable of. On the other hand, the characters in TXF must always be kept on the edge of the monster world, getting faint glimpses here and there. Usually, Mulder has an expository scene giving information on “what is known” at the beginning of the episode and then further monstrosity is communicated to the audience via interstitial scenes that tell the audience what the monster is and where it’s going, introducing dramatic tension: AA NO SCULLY DON’T TOUCH THAT IT’S SUPER GROSS. Both avenues successfully communicate to the audience what the monsters are (approximately), what they can do, and what their motivations are. This means that in the climactic scene, the audience knows what the STAKES are. They know what might be lost of the main characters fail, they know what the characters need to overcome to succeed, and they know what the monster is trying to accomplish.

Now. Some of the MOTW episodes in Supernatural do communicate what the monster is and what it wants. Scarecrow and Bugs are two that come to mind that both do this. Tellingly, both of these episodes also seem very modeled on TXF (compare/contrast Bugs with the trash golem episode of TXF where Mulder hip thrusts after sticking a flamingo in the yard, essay for another time).

Home is the first Supernatural episode that I identified as being extremely plot-oriented after the pilot. It’s also the first episode after the pilot to give sole writing credit to Kripke. There are interstitial scenes wherein the audience sees spooky stuff happening. However, these scenes do not further the audience’s understanding of the monster - we already know the house is evil and trying to kill people, and that’s pretty much all those scenes show. Moreover, Sam and Dean do not learn more about the monster in the house during this episode; their arc is basically just “Wow, isn’t it strange that the house is spooky now? Our mom died here!” The resolution at the end is borderline incomprehensible and their mother just sort of. Appears. Out of nowhere and then vanishes again with very little emotional weight given to this occurrence later in the episode or in the next episode. My summary of Home was pretty much “I did not like this and don’t want to be mean.” I talked about how I like monsters in monster shows, whereas Supernatural is more of a soap opera.

And yeah, the finale of Supernatural (written by Kripke) basically follows that track as well. I don’t know what these demons are or what they want. I don’t know what they can do besides possess people. When Meg confronts people and talks all big it’s hard for me to take seriously because I don’t know what she wants or what she is capable of, except in that one scene where she wanted to fuck Sam which. gross!

This is what I mean by saying that Supernatural does not have stakes. When the choice between losing a family member verses not defeating the monster is posited, the only reason I as an audience member feel engaged is the family conflict that has been established. There is no tension about the monster because I just have to assume that it will do whatever the writers decide it should do. I’m not weighing the odds of the Winchesters winning, I’m just watching them point guns at each other and hoping for the best.

CONCLUSION Jensen Ackles does a good job of playing Dean and he should get an award especially for his performances in the last two episodes of the show. IMO, he basically carried the emotional weight of the conflict and really made us root for Sam to not shoot his dad which is HARD because of how badly John sucks. I’m going to keep watching this show because of Jensen Ackles playing Dean Winchester. Fight me about it.

I think season 1 of Supernatural felt like watching two different shows with the same main characters. On the one hand, you have the MOTW episodes which invariably begin with “Here’s why we’re not tracking down our dad, even though that’s our stated motivation” and then tell a nice monster mystery with some good character beats. On the other hand, you have the series arc episodes, which are soap operas with demonic elements. I’m fine with it - because of Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester. I’m interested to see what season 2 is like.

#supernatural #season 1 review #spn

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 8/13/21 - CODA, FREE GUY, DON’T BREATHE 2, RESPECT, THE LOST LEONARDO, WHAT IF, and More!

Well, that was kind of a disappointing last weekend as James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad pretty much tanked at the box office, making less than Birds of Prey did back in February 2020 with all sorts of backseat analysis explaining why it didn’t do well as anyone, other than a scant, few thought. I mean, I’m still kind of stunned, even though COVID and the Delta variant seem to be losing steam as far as being news. It certainly didn’t help that HBO Max decided to release the movie concurrently on HBO Max on Thursday at 7pm.

The nice thing about this week is that we have three new movies, none of which are on streaming or On Demand at the exact same time, so if you want to see any of them, you’ll have to put on your N96 masks and get yourself to theaters. Two of the three movies are originals, while the third is a sequel to quite an original horror movie from about five years back. All of them are pretty good, actually. We’ll get to them soon...

But first, let’s start with this week’s “The Chosen One” and it’s gotta be Siân Heder’s CODA i.e. “Child of Deaf Adults,” which will play in select theaters and on Apple TV+ starting Friday. If you hadn’t heard, it was the belle of the ball at this year’s Sundance Film Festival, winning the Jury Prize and Audience Award alike. Heder previously directed Tallulah and is the showrunner on Apple’s Little America, but this really is a very special film that I’ve enjoyed on repeat viewings now.

It stars Emilia Jones as Ruby Rossi, the sole hearing person in her family of Gloucester fishermen, who are out every day on the sea making the latest catch in their nets. Ruby has other aspirations, and when she joins the school choir, the teacher, Mr. Villalobos (Eugene Derbez) sees talent in Ruby that he thinks might get her into the Berklee College of Music. Ruby has to weigh that with her family’s need to have her as an interpreter while dealing with the other fishermen of the town.

I didn’t know what to expect when I saw this at Sundance back in January, and it still surprised me when I rewatched it again, because it’s a movie that involves a lot of elements that shouldn’t necessarily work, between the fishing and the singing and all the ASL between the amazing ingenue, Ms. Jones, and the deaf actors playing her family, including the one and only Oscar-winning Marlee Matlin. If not for these disparate elements, Coda might be a fairly standard indie family drama, but Heder finds just the right balance of showing how these disparities in Ruby’s life make it hard for her to pursue her dreams.

Ferdia Walsh-Peelo from Sing Street plays the classmate who Ruby is set up with to perform a duet at their high school recital, and of course, he also becomes an unwitting love interest. Unfortunately that’s the aspect of the film that’s the weakest, because Jones’ scenes with Matlin and the other actors, including Derbez, as well as Troy Kotsur and Daniel Durant, as Ruby’s father and brother, are just so powerful and moving even if they’re all in ASL with no dialogue or even incidental score.

Coda is Heder’s second film after Talllulah, a movie starring Elliot Page that never really connected with me, but Coda is such a strong and exceedingly crowd-pleasing film that I have to imagine that this would connect with everybody. I’m not sure if Apple’s gonna be able to get this movie all the way to Oscar night, but I do like its chances for Adapted (?) Screenplay, and maybe Matlin and Kotsur Supporting? I don’t know, because it’s so early and hard to tell, but hopefully the decision to wait so long after the virtual Sundance won’t hurt this movie as it hurt other Sundance award-winning films. Coda is just a joy that I’m sure will be many people’s favorite movie.

You can read my interview with Ms. Heder over at Below the Line.

Incidentally, in last week’s column, I talked about the 20th New York Asian Film Festival, but I didn’t realize that it was only running at Film at Lincoln Center for a week before going down to the SVA Theater on 23rd Street, and you can check out the schedule of movies playing there at the official site. And of course, there’s still the Virtual Festival that’s running through August 22. Also, Fantasia is still going on in Montreal, and I still haven’t had time to watch very much. What can I say? I suck.

Let’s get to some wide releases, shall we?

First up and probably the most likely to win the weekend is Ryan Reynolds’ new action-comedy, FREE GUY (20th Century Studios), directed by Shawn Levy and co-starring Jodie Comer from Killing Eve. The high-concept comedy has Reynolds playing Guy, a bank teller, who actually is a non-player character in a video game called “Free City” that’s kind of a cross between Grand Theft Auto and Fortnite. When he meets Comer’s character in the game, he falls mady in love and decides to do whatever it takes to get on her level. (Get it?) In doing so, Guy ends up becoming a hero for Free City, as well as a viral sensation across the globe as gamers thrill to Guy’s adventures.

Free Guy is Ryan Reynolds’ first live-action starring role theatrical release since…. Oh…. the action-comedy sequel The Hitman’s Bodyguard’s Wife a little under two months ago. Considering that barely made half of what its predecessor did, and that’s with Reynolds sharing the screen with Samuel L. Jackson and Salma Hayek, one wonders if his draw as an A-lister can be maintained during a pandemic. Before that, you’d have to go all the way back to 2018’s Deadpool 2 for a fully live Reynolds movie, because he wasn’t seen as himself for most of his role in and as Detective Pikachu. Of course, Reynolds’ unmistakable voice was back in DreamWorks Animation’s The Croods: A New Age, the sequel to the 2013 blockbuster that made the ballsy move to be one of the first movies to open during the pandemic. It grossed $58.6 million in theaters, which was slightly more than Christopher Nolan’s Tenet and even more than the Warner Bros. sequel, Wonder Woman 1984.

This is also a big movie for Jodie Comer, who won an Emmy and was nominated for two Golden Globes for Killing Eve, but hasn’t really been in too many movies, other than playing Rey’s Mum in Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. Later this year, she’ll star in Ridley Scott’s The Last Duel and may possibly be back in the awards game again, we’ll see. The movie also stars Lil Rel Howery, who seems to be everywhere and in everything these days, as well as Taika Waititi who is super-hot right now due to 2019’s Jojo Rabbit, and his various television projects, as well as having a small role in James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad last week.

In some ways, Free Guy is gonna be a test for a lot of things, the first one being whether Reynolds is a big enough draw when not playing Deadpool to get people into theaters, just as people are starting to get skittish again about going into movie theaters. More importantly, it will show whether not having a movie on streaming or VOD means that people who want to see it will put aside their fears and return to theaters… like they did with F9 and Black Widow and Godzilla vs. Kong. Is an original non-franchise movie like Free Guy enough to get people interested in getting their butts off the couch and into a far more comfortable movie theater seat? (I’m being facetious, if you didn’t guess.)

After The Suicide Squad last week, I’m really not sure whether I can trust my own instincts, but I also don’t want to lower my prediction to something ridiculous out of fear that the pandemic really is destroying any chance of the box office fully recovering. One thing working in Free Guy’s favor, besides its PG-13 rating is that it’s not available on streaming and VOD. Anyone who has been intrigued by the film’s great reviews will HAVE to go out to a movie theater to see it or else, they’ll have to wait 45 days.

Maybe if this opened last month, I could see it open in the $30 million to $40 million range, but with things being the way they are, I’d probably go with high $20 million, so close to $30 million but not quite.

You can read my review over at Below the Line, and I’ll have an interview with the film’s Production Designer, Ethan Tobman, fairly soon.

Also opening Friday is the horror sequel DON’T BREATHE 2 (Sony/Screen Gems), starring Stephen Lang as the blind former Navy Seal who terrorized a bunch of kids who broke into his house in 2016’s Don’t Breathe.

The original movie, which starred Jane Levy, reuniting with director Fede Alvarez after the two remade Evil Dead for producer Sam Raimi, opened in late August, on the fourth weekend of the original Suicide Squad, in fact, and it knocked the movie out of the #1 spot. Its $26 million opening in 3,000 theaters was impressive for the time, partially because late August has never been great. It stayed #1 for a second weekend, over Labor Day, and it ended up grossing $89.2 million in North America, which is great for an R-rated horror film.

Levy isn’t around for the sequel and Alvarez has moved into a co-writer/producer role for his creative partner, Rodo Sagayes, to take over the directing reins, but honestly, I’m not sure how many people will know or care, because Lang’s character and the film’s violence and chills are it’s real selling point. Like many horror movies, there isn’t much in terms of star power other than Lang, but that has never really hindered the success of a horror movie in the past.

As with every movie I cover in this column, there’s the pandemic in the room and whether that might hold people back from going to theaters. I wish there was a way to calculate the effect that’s had on moviegoing, because it seems to affect movies differently. For instance, the recent The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It was able to open with $24.1 million just two months ago, although that was down from the $40 million of the previous two chapters. So that’s about a 40% drop-off in a similar five-year gap between movies. (Actually, it’s kind of strange that 2021 is replicating 2021 with three sequels to movies from five years earlier.) There’s no denying that the number of Covid cases are way up since June and movie theaters are still being painted as the “enemy” even though no significant cases have been traced back to the movies.

We also have to look at Sony’s last horror sequel, Escape Room: Tournament of Champions, which I quite enjoyed, but it ended up opening with about $10 million less than the original movie a few years back. We can probably expect Don’t Breathe 2 to have a similar pandemic drop-off even if it’s another movie that won’t be on streaming or VOD this weekend.

I think Don’t Breathe 2 should be good for around $15 million this weekend since it’s catering towards a young audience that’s a bit more devil-may-care about going out to theaters. It will also probably appeal more to older single guys than something like Free Guy, which seems different enough to pull in a different audience.

My review will be posted over at Below the Line later on Thursday, plus I have a bunch of interviews coming, including this one with Rodo Sayagues and Fede Alvarez.

Next up is RESPECT (MGM), the long-awaited Aretha Franklin biopic (for those that didn’t see Genius, like me, I guess), starring Oscar-winner Jennifer Hudson as the Queen of Soul. The movie directed by Liesl Tommmy was supposed to be released in January to take part in last year’s Oscars race, but I guess MGM wanted to make sure it got a proper theatrical release, which wasn’t possible since NYC and L.A. movie theaters didn’t reopen until March after the cut-off. But MGM had already decided to push the movie back to the summer in hopes of having more theaters able to play the movie, which is kind of true now?

It’s been a while since we’ve seen JHud in a high-profile theatrical release, and unfortunately, the last one was 2019’s Cats, a movie in which she probably was the best thing, although it still only grossed $27 million domestically, a flat-out bomb. Before that, she provided her voice for the animated blockbuster Sing in 2016, and then a bunch of smaller movies before that. She’s joined in the movie by the likes of Oscar winner Forest Whitaker, Marlon Wayans, Titus Burgess, Mary J. Blige, Marc Maron, and Audra MacDonald, quite an impressive array of talent that shows how many wanted to be involved with this project. Director Liesl Tommy is making her feature directorial debut after directing a ton of theater and TV shows like The Walking Dead and Jessica Jones.

Even so, it’s obviously that the ongoing popularity of Aretha Franklin, especially since her death in 2018, is going to go a long way into getting people into theaters, which includes a lot of older black women who really haven’t had much to get them out into theaters in recent months. Will this be enough?

Before Respect was delayed from its original January release, many thought that Hudson would receive another Oscar nomination for her performances. Having not seen the movie at the time of this writing, I can’t confirm or deny those chances. If that’s still the case, then releasing the movie towards the end of the summer (similar to The Help, successfully, and The Butler, not so much) is an odd decision rather than just holding the movie for festival season by holding until next month.

Either way, I think the love Aretha’s fans have for the Queen of Soul as well as Hudson’s fans, Respect should be good for between $8 and 10 million this weekend -- hard to pinpoint exactly without knowing how many theaters MGM is getting for it against the stronger summer movies.

Mini-Review: I wasn’t really sure what to expect from Respect, even after seeing the trailer a couple dozen times in front of other movies, but it’s a respectable biopic that cover 20 years in the life of the Queen of Soul from singing at a young age in her father’s church to returning to church for the gospel records as captured in the recently-released doc, Amazing Grace.

But first, we go back to 1952 where Aretha is a young girl (played by Skye Dakota Turner) is uncertain of her future as she’s being ordered about by her preacher father (Forrest Whitaker) and trying to find direction. The movie casually sets up the fact that young Aretha was sexually abused by a family friend, and maybe she got pregnant, too? It’s hard to tell and maybe a little odd since she would only have been 10 at the time, but it’s something that will be brought up (just as subtly) over the course of the film.

Jennifer Hudson takes over as Aretha as she turns 19 and goes to New York City to start recording, meets Marlon Wayans’ Ted White, makes him her manager and marries her, which basically has her going from one abusive man in her father to another one. It feels like the movie spends a long than normal time on the ‘60s, which is when Franklin’s career really took off with “Respect” and then a series of hits that took her all around the world. That whole time, she’s dealing with Ted’s abuses and jealousy while trying to write and record those hits, before her dark demons return and she starts drinking heavily.

As you might imagine, you go to see Respect to see how well Jennifer Hudson pulls off the Queen of Soul, and she’s an incredibly complex character that needs a nuanced performance, which Hudson tries to pull off by bringing different aspects of her life into different scenes.

There are some scenes that don’t work as well as others, and it feels like there’s a bit of time-crunching or futzing around so that at a certain point, her father seems to be de-aging, although I was just as impressed (possibly even moreso) with Forrest Whitaker, whose performance as Aretha’s father is more than just a full-on villain despite his violent treatment of his daughter. Wayans is also good and almost unrecognizable at first, and there are a few other nice performances in there as well, including Marc Maron as record label head Jerry Wexler.

But the performances Hudson gives as Franklin are goosebump-inducing, leading up to the recording of her record-selling gospel record as depicted in the aforementioned doc.

A fairly decent representation of Franklin’s little-known life leading up to her fame, Respect probably succeeds the most when Jennifer Hudson is performing as the Queen of Soul, but she’s also created a fairly moving portrait with strong dramatic moments that far outweigh any of the film’s issues. Rating: 8/10

With that in mind, this is how I see the weekend looking with two of the new movies bumping Suicide Squad down to third place where it will be facing off against Respect.

1. Free Guy (20th Century/Disney) - $28.5 million N/A

2. Don’t Breathe 2 (Sony/Screen Gems) - $15 million N/A

3. The Suicide Squad (Warner Bros.) - $10 million -62%

4. Respect (MGM) - $9.6 million N/A

5. Jungle Cruise (Walt Disney Pictures) - $8.7 million -55%

6. Old (Universal) - $2.5 million -36%

7. Black Widow (Marvel/Disney) - $2.4 million -39%

8. Stillwater (Focus) - $2 million -39%

9. Space Jam: A New Legacy (Warner Bros.) - $1.3 million -43%

10. The Green Knight (A24) - $1.1 million -56%

Donnie Yen stars in Bennie Chang’s RAGING FIRE (WELL GO USA), which premiered at the New York Asian Film Festival on Monday and at Fantasia in Montreal on Tuesday, and I’m not going to review this, because honestly, it’s such a cookie-cutter Hong Kong police action-thriller that I’m not sure I really have much to say about it, so I won’t.

On the other hand, I do have more to say about Andreas Koefoed’s documentary, THE LOST LEONARDO (Sony Pictures Classics), the Leonardo being Da Vinci, the master artist behind the Mona Lisa and many other works. Since I don’t really follow the world of art, I really didn’t know about the Salvator Mundi painting found about 10-12 years ago that was thought to be an original Da Vinci worth in the hundreds of millions, often dubbed “The Male Mona Lisa.” But it’s also a painting that was surrounded by controversy due to the 5-year restoring job that may have left very little of the original painting.

As the film began, I was groaning a little about sitting through another movie of art experts and historians talking about how important a find this is and why it’s either great or horrible, depending on who is being interviewed. Eventually, the film gets more interesting as it starts getting into the idea of selling it. After being sold to a wealthy Russian oligarch by an unscrupulous Swiss art dealer who made a nice profit on it, the painting ends up being auctioned by Christie’s, and the story just keeps getting more and more interesting as it goes along.

While I’m not one to go ga-ga over any painting by Da Vinci or otherwise, I do like a good mystery or suspense-thriller, so good on Koefoed for realizing about halfway through this movie that the talking heads will never be as interesting as actual footage. And that’s what happens here, too. I actually feel a little ignorant that I wasn’t aware this was going on as it was, maybe because I don’t really follow the art world in that respect. Maybe I just missed it, so it’s good that Sony Classics (who loves making movies about art) is giving this a fairly high-profile release following its premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival a few months back. In that sense, The Lost Leonardo is quite a gem.

Heinz Brinkman’s USEDOM: A CLEAR VIEW OF THE SEA (Big World Pictures) is a somewhat intriguing doc about the Baltic island of Usedom, the location of a number of imperial German health resorts, beaches and such, and how the Jews were kicked out by the Nazis before Usedom was split into a German and Polish half after WWII. I wish I could get into this more, but I just have a limited mental capacity for a lot of German talking heads.

Which brings us to Michael Tucker and Petra Epperlein’s THE MEANING OF HITLER (IFC Films), the new doc from the team behind Gunner Palace, which looks at the cultural fascination with Hitler and Nazism and the recent rise in white supremacy, antisemitism and the “weaponization of history itself.” I don’t know what that last part means, because I got so swamped this week that I didn’t get to watch this, and like another recent doc on the subject of Naziism and the Holocaust, I just couldn’t get into the right head space to hit play on this doc. Maybe I’ll watch it sometime down the road.

Similarly, I didn’t get around to watching Dutch filmmaker Jim Taihuttu’s THE EAST (Magnet Releasing), which I may like as a fan of Paul Verhoeven’s Dutch WWII films, and I probably should give this a look, but I just ran out of time this week. It’s about a young Dutch soldier who joins an elite unit led by a mysterious captain called “The Turk,” and it takes place in the Indonesian War of Independence after World War II.

As far as TV goes, Wednesday sees the debut of Marvel Studios’ WHAT IF...? on Disney+. I’ve seen the first three episodes, and I was a pretty big fan of the comics in the ‘70s (sadly, part of the giant collection that I sold a few years back), and I guess this is okay. The first episode is the one with Haley Atwell voicing “Captain Carter” i.e. Peggy Carter gets the Super Soldier Serum, which is one of the more obvious What Ifs that could possibly done, so that we can get another “women are as good as men, and they need to be heard” storyline that’s in 90% of the Marvel movies already. On the other hand, the first episode does include the voices of Sebastian Stan and others, so it’s quite a coup in that sense, but whoever wrote it, clearly doesn’t understand that people spoke differently in the ‘40s. I liked the 2nd episode, a mash-up of Black Panther and Guardians of the Galaxy, which is a fun idea that brings together a lot of great characters -- including Chadwick Boseman’s last voice performance -- but again, hearing the voices just isn’t the same when the writing isn’t as good as the movie. I feel like the animation for the show is okay, maybe not quite on par with some of the great Batman or Superman cartoons we’ve gotten over the years. On the other hand, the entire series features the great voice of Jeffrey Wright as The Watcher, acting kind of like the Rod Serling for the series, much like the Watcher does in the comics. I also dug the music by Emmy winner Laura Karpman (Lovecraft Country), and I’ll watch the rest of the series as it debuts, but I’m not sure it’s as much a rush to see each episode to avoid spoilers as with Loki or WandaVision.

Hitting Netflix this week is the limited series, BRAND NEW CHERRY FLAVOR (Netflix), starring Rosa Salazar, Eric Lange, and Catherine Keener. The tagline is: “Lisa Nova (Rosa Salazar) comes to LA dead set on directing her first movie. But when she trusts the wrong person and gets stabbed in the back, everything goes sideways and a dream project turns into a nightmare. This particular nightmare has zombies, hit men, supernatural kittens, and a mysterious tattoo artist who likes to put curses on people. And Lisa’s going to have to figure out some secrets from her own past in order to get out alive.”

Also, TITANS Season 3 debuts on HBO Max, but since I haven’t watched seasons 1 or 2 yet, it might be some time before I get to it.

Next week looks like it could be a bit of a dog with four or five new wide releases but nothing that really jumps out, plus I’ll be in Atlantic City all next weekend, so who knows how much I’ll be able to watch or write about?

#The Weekend WArrior #Movies #Reviews #Coda #Free Guy #Respect #Don't Breathe 2 #the Lost Leonardo #Box Office

[youareiron-andyouarestrong]

9 or 11 dialogue prompt for rebelcaptain pretty please

9-- “you hurt her, I’ll stab you, okay?”

oh, oh, got a new girlfriend, he feels like he’s on top

and I don’t feel no remorse, and you can't see past my blinders 

“…sooo,” Han kriffing Solo drawls one evening at the cantina, a rare moment when Cassian just wants to enjoy his paint thinner masquerading as alcohol in peace, “you and Erso, huh?”

Cassian doesn’t lower his drink. “what about her?”

“Oh,” says Solo, nodding wisely, “so the two of you haven’t then. Luke owes me ten credits.”

“He’s been enlisted for all of ten minutes. He doesn’t get pay,” Cassian says with forced patience. “and we haven’t what?”

Solo shrugs. “You know. you…haven’t.”

Cassian considers himself to be a patient person. Solo just has the bad luck of being one of those people for whom he has no patience for. “Haven’t what?”

“You two...aren’t involved?” Solo asks, eyebrows shooting up.

“She’s on my team,” says Cassian, because involved is quite possibly the weakest possible term for whatever…he and Jyn are.

“It’s not the first time team members get involved with each other,” Solo points out, like any of this is supposed to make any kind of sense. “Take it from me though, kid, it’s not worth it. usually.”

Cassian fixes him with a truly icy stare. “We’re the same age.”

“Yeah but I’m better looking,” says Solo cheerfully and Cassian allows himself the pleasant fantasy of smashing the glass in his hand into Solo’s infuriatingly knowing face. “But eh, if you like ‘em tiny and vicious, she’s not so bad.”

The glass, and his fist.

Cassian drains his drink. “Like you and the princess?” he murmurs, low and poisonously pleasant. “Like you trail after her?”

That wipes the smug look off Solo’s face. “Listen here pal, I don’t trail after anyone.”

Cassian sends him his most unimpressed look, puts a credit down on the counter for the bartender. “Stay away from Erso. She’d eat you alive.”

“Like you’d know!” Solo shouts after him and Cassian lets the door slam behind him.

Because Cassian’s luck is categorically the worst, it doesn’t end there.

Jyn approaches him a few days later, her nose wrinkled in distaste (he does not find the expression adorable, what you are talking about, shut up brain) and says grumpily, “Command’s pairing me for a mission with Solo.”

The bottom of Cassian’s stomach does not drop. Jyn’s a Pathfinder when she’s not with Rogue One, and Solo is...sort of more or less in that capacity. They handed him the rank of general just for blowing up the Death Star, a promotion Cassian does not resent; he himself turned down major so he could stay with his team and he knows Jyn refused a captaincy for the same reasons. “For what mission?” 

“Requisitioning supplies,” Jyn says with an eye roll, in other words, smuggling. “I guess they figure the two criminals will have better luck.”

You’re not a criminal, Cassian wants to say, not like that, but they’re all criminals to some extent, so that would be too big of a stretch even for him, but the only thing he says out loud is, “When are the two of you leaving?”

Jyn shrugs. “Tomorrow at dawn, or whenever I can haul Solo’s ass out of his bunk. I don’t think it will take too long. Provided there’s not any...distractions.”

Hope, Cassian thinks and swallows the words down. “Do you need anything? Supplies, gear, an extra truncheon to knock Solo over the head with?”

A grin like a thief creeps over her face. “Thanks, but I think I got it covered. Besides, the Princess wouldn’t like it if I brought him back with a dent she didn’t put in him.

 “You’re being paired with Erso for the mission,” Cassian informs Solo, professionally pleased that his voice is steady, even, level. “You can expect the mission brief within the next eight hours.”

“Sure, sure,” says Solo easily, lounging against the wall of the corridor, the soldier in Cassian twitches internally at this lack of correct stance. “What, you’re not coming with us?”

“I’ve been assigned elsewhere,” Cassian replies evenly, fighting down the ache of being separated from Jyn, again. “She’s your second for this mission.”

Solo actually grins, as if in anticipation of a party, with lots of free booze and easy marks. “Good thing it’s Erso. I might actually have some fun on this trip.”  

Cassian doesn’t want to begin to think about what Solo defines as fun with Jyn. “One thing more.” This is not Cassian the solider talking, or Cassian the spy, or Cassian the captain. This is Cassian with Jyn, and he feels coiled in readiness. “Jyn’s your second, but you’re the superior officer. Her well-being and safety is in your hands. I know of no one more capable and more competent than she is. So if she gets hurt on your watch--”

“And you’ll what? You’ll stab me?” Han finishes, looking incredulous. 

Cassian smiles, if the display of teeth could be described as such a thing. “That would be a lot quicker than you deserve.”

Solo stares at him for a long moment before slowly edging out of Cassian’s reach. “And you two aren’t involved?”

“So thanks for siccing your boyfriend on me,” Solo complains as Jyn lounges in the seat behind him, absently sharpening one of her knives (a chakram, gifted to her by Cassian, who knows how she loves her blades).

“Which boyfriend?” Jyn says without looking up, because Force knows that Alliance gossip seems to pair her up with every sentient she so much as glances at. 

“Old Stoneface,” says Solo irritably. “The spy who threatened to kill me.”

“If Cassian threatened to kill you, you probably deserved it,” Jyn replies, still focusing on getting the exact edge to the blade she wanted and not drop the sharpening stone. “What did you do?”

“Old Stoneface threatened to stab me if I brought you back with so much as a scratch on you,” Solo grouses as Chewie in the copilot’s seat chirrs with laughter and teasing in shyriiwook. “I don’t wanna hear it from you Smalls; you weren’t there and you didn’t see his face! I thought I was going to end up in a crevasse somewhere.”

Jyn doesn’t allow her eyes to leave the blade in her hand for one second, as a slow, pleased rush swelled up in her, combined some amusement and a little bit of irritation. “Did he.”

“Said he knew of no one ‘more capable and more competent’ than you,” Solo continues to complain as Jyn’s insides turn into melted honey. “So that if you got hurt on the job, it must be my fault, somehow and said that stabbing would be faster than I deserved. Spooks, I swear to the gods old and new. Erso, what do you see in that guy?” 

Everything, Jyn thinks but holds the word in her mouth like a drink of hot tea and honey. “Let’s get going, Solo. The quicker we get this job done, the less than likely chance you have of being stabbed.”

“Less than likely,” Solo mutters as he primes the Falcon. “You know what, a guy could feel less than appreciated around here, even after being a general, pipe down Chewie, I don’t wanna hear it from you--”

“Did you really threaten to stab Solo if I came back hurt?”

Cassian turns to look at Jyn on his bed, warm and clean from the ‘fresher, in one of his thermal shirts, practically a nightgown on her. “Did he tell you that?”

Jyn leaned against the headboard of his bunk, lazily stretching out her legs, long and strong, flexing her toes luxuriously against the coverlet; Cassian’s belly grows tight and warm at the sight. “He was very put out about it. I was surprised, personally, it’s rare you threaten someone with outright violence. Were you really that worried?”

“Not about the mission,” Cassian admits, stowing his clothes away for the night. “Solo isn’t a bad operative, for all his recklessness. But he does--miss things, sometimes. I didn’t want your welfare to be one of them.”

Jyn lets Cassian join her on the bed before immediately swinging herself on top of him, knees settling on either side of his waist. “Has anyone ever told you have an interesting way of sweet-talking?”

Cassian lets his hands settle on her own waist, shifting her position slightly, so she’s more comfortable, not quite as perched, resting more of her weight on him. “I’ve heard it said, yes.”

Jyn braces her hands by his head and bends down, pressing a quick kiss, then a bite, to his lower lip, a tug of teeth. “You’re lucky I love it.”

Cassian threads one hand into her hair, tugs her head back enough to kiss her throat, the notch in her collarbone. She’s been gone for two weeks; he can suck a mark there, low on her throat, on her pulse, and she’ll allow it, because she’ll put her own marks on him, on his throat and neck and chest, and he will love it. 

Jyn drapes herself over him, still placing light kisses on his brow, cheek, temple and jaw, Cassian returns the favor on the strong lines of her neck, savoring the clean taste of her, and murmuring into her skin, “I am lucky.”    

(A/N: shoutout to @skitzofreak who gifted me with the wonderful thought of Han referring to Cassian as “Old Stoneface” and for the general headcanon of Jyn having no less than seven blades on her at all times.)

#star wars #rogue one #rebelcaptain #my writing #otp: and make death proud to take us #anon good sir #Anonymous

[kazephantom]

Spider-Man Homecoming thoughts

Well, my first one is kind of a spoiler but I think it is important to know.  Leave your expectations at the door.  This is a new version of Spider-Man, one that is different from any other version.  This is not Sam Rami Spider-Man, this is not Andrew Garfield Spider-Man, this is not Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon or comic, and this is not 616 Spider-Man.  This is a new version, a new interpretation of the character and mythos.  That being said, I liked it for what it is.

Thoughts and spoilers below the cut

The two best parts of the film are Tom Holland’s Peter Parker and Micheal Keaton’s Adrian Toomes.  The two actors play their characters so wonderfully well, Tom Holland’s Peter really, really reminds me of Tobey Maguire’s, from the voice he uses as Spider-Man, to how he sometimes comes off as lovably pathetic, and Hell, in some shots Tom Holland even starts looking like a younger Tobey Maguire.  That being said, he does tell more than one joke in the film, so his Spider-Man has that over Maguire’s. Oh, it should be noted though, he does not have Peter’s anger. Even in the scene where Tony takes away the tech suit, I really expected him to get angry there and show that aspect of the character off, but instead he just, kinda starts to cry.  Which, I don’t know how to feel about. 

Micheal Keaton. Hands down. Plays the best MCU villain. To date. Better than Loki. There I said it.  Hiddleston’s Loki has always had the problem of being too sympathetic to be taken seriously as a villain.  But Keaton. Holy shit. Everything he does is for his family, there’s a scene where he’s with his family and he is so sweet and caring and a perfect father and husband, but then. HOO BOY. That car scene. The scene where Keaton is dropping Peter and Liz off at the dance, I had white knuckles all the way through it.  The way he made Peter say ‘Thank you’ was terrifying.  And the way he found out Peter was Spider-Man, as they drive and you start to see Keaton put the pieces together. HO-LY SH-IT.  Only problem: nobody ever in this whole film calls him “The Vulture.”

Two more important notes about Spider-Man. First, Remember how in Civil War he was really, really strong?  Well forget that, because in this film he’s really, really weak.  Like, the weakest we’ve ever seen him.  Not just his strength, but also his sticky powers.  It is commonly accepted that Spider-Man’s stickiness is absolute, that it is an unbreakable molecular bond. When he sticks to something, if you try to remove him from it you will break the thing he is stuck to before the sticky bond comes undone.  Well forget that.  Because in this film Spider-Man is slippy and sliding all over the place when he’s sticking. Not just when he’s on a plane and in huge wind resistance where it might make sense, but when he’s climbing the Washington Monument, he can be seen sliding and loosing his grip on that too.  This could just be chalked up to him being nervous and inexperienced, but I really, really, really hope that it changes going forward and that Marvel can stay consistent with how strong this version of Spider-Man is supposed to be. Oh yeah, and no, at no point in the film did Spider-Man ever express his Spider-Sense.  I really hope this is just a case of “his powers are still growing”

Second point, that inexperienced bit.  Yeah. This is the most inexperienced Spider-Man we have seen on film to date.  I think the best symbol for this is the fact that this Spider-Man never once webswings in the city.  He is always shown in the residential neighborhoods, never once does he really webswing around.  He never goes to the big buildings.  Again, for this movie I liked that and it fit it’s tone, but I really hope the next film has him going all out, and has him in true form.

No Daily Bugle, no J. Jonah Jameson. I really think they were afraid to recast him after J.K. Simmons’ legendary performance, and as humorous as that is, I’m kind of sick of it.  Just recast already, we’re at the point now where it’ll be ok. Bite the bullet on this. 

I was one of those people who was really afraid this film would turn out to be Iron Man 4, and I am happy, so so so happy to say it is not.  Yes, Tony is in this, yes Iron Man is in this, but it’s not too much.  Tony really only has four relatively short scenes that I can remember, but they are important scenes plot wise.  I think he basically shows up to open and close every act.  The movie is definitely about Peter though, thank god.

Oh yeah, and the Iron Spider is in the film. Or, a version of it.  It invokes feelings of the Iron Spider, what with being an armored costume for Spider-Man, but in the end Peter turns it down and all for the better..... but I want a figure of it.  It was kinda hard to see the design, since it was in shadow a little, and there was no glory shot of it, but what I saw of it was cool and I want a figure of it.

Best Aunt May, her role in the film is what every Aunt May’s role should be. Oh, and that was the absolute best way to end the film “WHAT THE FU--”

Oh yeah, I was also worried about the highschool setting, since 30 year old writers pretty much never know what a modern highschool is like, (I’m 23, only 5 years out from it), but this highschool setting was perfect. The teachers. Just. Did. Not. Fucking. Care.  And that is so much my highschool experience.

Zendaya is MJ, but she’s not Mary Jane, and she’s really only there to set-up for the sequel.  It’s really nice set-up though.  They seem to have a good grasp on the idea of MJ’s character, how she wears a metaphorical mask to hide her true self just like how Peter wears a literal mask.  All we see in this film is her metaphorical mask persona and it’s good to be acquainted with that before exploring her further.  NOW, Yes, I would have preferred 616 the-mask-is-a-party-girl-Mary-Jane, and yes, Changing the character’s real name to Michelle is absolutely fucking unnecessary and stupid.  But I think it’s too early to judge this version of the character because we have so little information about them. 

Also there to set-up for the sequel is Mac Gargan, he has a role in the film itself as one of the people buying Vulture’s tech, but really his most important bit is the mid-credits scene, where he sets up the Sinister Six, and then Micheal Keaton’s Vulture wonderfully knocks that set-up down.  Also, he does not become Scorpion in this, though if he does come back in the sequel to be Scorpion I’d be cool with it.  His character is pretty much a total psychopath and we haven’t seen Spidey fight a villain like that in the movies yet.

That being said, if the next movie is Sinister Six I have total faith in Marvel to be able to do it, since this film had Vulture, Tinkerer, Prowler, Scorpion, and two Shockers in it, yet it never felt like that weighed the film down. Showing Spider-Man 3 and The Amazing Spider-Man 2 once and for all that it doesn’t matter how many villains you have, it’s how you use them that matters

The post-credits scene is the funniest one yet. Funnier than Deadpool’s even. 

Now, there are two things about this movie that I absolutely LOATHE... or, at least don’t like and think were completely unnecessary

Ned-- Holy fuck he was annoying.  His dialogue was nowhere as cringy as it was in the trailers, since they did that thing were they used alternate takes for the trailer lines, and yeah, the trailers for this film did not do it justice at all.  Ned’s “But you are a kid” line in the trailers sounds so forced and poorly acted, like he’s trying to be epic about it but comes off instead like he’s out of breath, but in the film it is so much more natural and quick. Back to the point though.  Yeah, he’s just Ganke.  They stole Ganke from Miles, gave him a white guy name, and gave him to Peter. And ‘Nedke’ and Peter do not have the same chemistry that Miles and Ganke have. Nedke’s role in the film is basically to just be a tool, a tool for the film so that Peter has someone to talk to to explain things too, and someone to be really, really stupid.  And that role would’ve been served so so so so so much better by Harry Osborn without the stupidity.  There is a montage at one point where Nedke is asking Peter a bunch of Spider-Man questions out in the open and Peter is just trying to get him to shut up, and it was so annoying I wished Peter would punch him in the fucking face. ....That being said he had one of the funniest jokes in the movie. “I’m... watching porn?”

Karen-- Hoo-boy. Ok. So. Spider-Man really is kind of just an Iron Man Jr. Even down to the fact that his suit has it’s own AI that talks to him and tells him what to do and stuff.  The taser webs are stupid and unnecessary, as is so so so much of the tech in Peter’s suit.  I’m glad that the webwings are clearly shown to just be for short range gliding, but I still think they’re unnecessary.  The film seems to go out of it’s way to show how Peter’s standard webline could be limited in certain situations, from being in a residential neghborhood, to climbing the Washington Monument where there’s nothing else around to swing on, setting an action scene on a boat (which how Iron Man saved that boat is completely physics defying), to even having Peter go way up into the air on a plane.  Back on point, yeah, Spider-Man’s suit has a completely unnecessary AI.  It’s only real purpose in the entire film is to be the punch line to one joke where the AI, which should have no human emotions or concept of human relations, tells Peter to kiss Liz. 

Other things I didn’t like but don’t really get on my nerves too much

The music sucked.  Just, sucked.  The only one that was any good was the orchestral version of the 60′s theme song.  I’m really torn with which theme I like better, the Orchestral 60′s or the Rami theme.  One of these days though, I need to put together a Spider-Man playlist and show these films what that should be like.

Peter didn’t end up beating the villain, he just won through pure coincidence.  Which I guess can be part of the point and audiences might be tired of the “good guy wins through a fist fight” climax, but still, Peter’s victory in this just, didn’t feel earned.  He didn’t show Vulture error of his ways, or talk him out of a life of crime, Vulture’s wings just took on enough coincidental damage to finally explode of their own accord.

Alright, I think that’s everything I wanna get down.  Or at least everything I can think of right now.  I’m tired now, gunna go watch some reviews, see what others thought and hopefully get to see this film in theaters again soon with friends.

#Spider-Man #Spider-Man Homecoming #Marvel #MCU #Peter Parker #Tom Holland #Spiderman