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lovedianagrey · 22 hours

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hello!!do you have skk fic recs?

Introduction

Yes, I do. I’m sorry it took so long to give you a reply, but I wanted to give you a comprehensive list and was busy preparing for my last day in high school, and then I got a job 12 hours later, and then I traveled to New York for a couple Broadway workshops. But now that today’s been dealt with, I have my wonderful notes.

So here’s the gist of it. I have three focused reviews on some of my favorite Soukoku fanfics ever, but I felt like copy pasting it would kill you a little, so I’m going to use a simplified format that echoes what I once did for two other ships years ago.

Canon Space

Here I compiled four fanfics that take place in main canon spaces (so not BEAST). While I encourage you to read, I also ask you to make sure to check the tags of the actual work for any possible triggers. Furthermore, the styles these characters are written in, and the way they are portrayed, vary from writer to writer. Some are more “canon” based than others, but they all carry the essence of this ship. And if they don’t in your eyes, then you’re just reading a great novel with Japanese names.

i'll bleed out for you by StarshipDancer

Synopsis: After getting impaled together, basically dying in each others arms in a joint mission with the Port Mafia and the ADA, and getting brought back by Yosano, this shattered Soukoku is asked to go into hiding. In this time, things seem to start healing. But the impending call asking them to return to their positions in their groups haunts them, and when it arrives, things fall apart all over again.

Tags: Caretaking, PTSD, A Singularly Important Rat Is Present, Canon-Divergence, Post-Port Mafia Days, Love Confession, Pet Co-Parenting, Angst

Word Count: 71,848

Notes: Rattata is the best character. You cannot negate AbsoluteNegation’s incredible skill. I remember reading this fanfic between the airport and my flight, and when chapter four ended, I had to board the plane, with my shaking hands and quiet sniffles. Please read this one.

If you kiss me (I might let it happen) by encsiimomo

Synopsis: Chuuya’s done watching this. Dazai’s literally dating a new girl every week. He dates based on who asks him first that Monday, he breaks up with them that Sunday, and it goes on again. And again. And again. It’s driving him insane. So he does the only thing he can think of to earn himself a break – He asks to date him for that week’s cycle. Dazai’s surprised. Chuuya’s exhausted. But once the sparks fly, they’re unable to be put out.

Tags: Canon Divergent & Kind of Canon Compliant, Dark Era, Smut, Mutual Pining, Light Angst, Silly

Word Count: 52,127

Notes: I loved this fic because it encapsulates a pretty carefree tone that isn’t associated with Dark Era. It’s pretty smutty, but it’s really lovely to read them. It’s not a reflection of what these characters canonically represent. And while it definitely stays as a loose interpretation of these characters, it keeps the essence that makes this ship so sharp and wonderful. I loved Oda’s appearances too, they made me laugh.

A Doll's House by Abyss_In_WonderLand_likes_sexy_cannibals

Summary: After coming to contact with an ability-powered artifact, Dazai and Chuuya are forced to work together to overcome the ability’s trials, and face the bubbling sentiments they keep trying so hard to ignore.

Tags: Teamwork, Ability Loss, Poisoning, Denial of Feelings, Confessions, Light Angst

Word Count: 45,288

Notes: While definitely not a character study, this fic goes and shows how wonderfully warm a Double Black fanfic can be. You’ll giggle in some moments, be entranced in others, and it’s just fun. This is for those that aren’t scouring for the angst. This was the first fic that sunk me into a skk fanfiction hunt all throughout the winter holidays.

On Deathless Feet by AbsoluteNegation

Synopsis: Chuuya always knows the monster can get out of control, but it doesn’t get any less surprising when Arahabaki powers through him. For a while though, it’d been comforting to know Dazai could always reign it in, make it go quiet. Because he did when they recently met, when they rose through the ranks, and at the brink of their end. But after years of disconnection, and the consistent waves of betrayal, is Chuuya capable of trusting him? And is Dazai capable of letting him?

Tags: Caretaking, Controlling Arahabaki, Port Mafia, Post-Port Mafia, Mistrust, Non-Linear Storytelling

Word Count: 71,848

Notes: This story is just breathtaking. The writing style is incredibly vast and detailed, which may seem scary when described, but it flows so easily when you read it. The story takes place in an event where Chuuya loses control of Arahabaki in a Post-Port Mafia Soukoku time. But because of its non-linear style, one gets to understand their past experiences with each other in a manner that contextualizes and weighs in the events of their reunion.

Fanon Spaces

Before I begin, I’d like to note that there are so many AUs in this fandom, that I had to really search for the canon ones in my list. So understand that if you want more of these, I DEFINITELY have more of these. Also, again, while I encourage you to read, I also ask you to make sure to check the tags of the actual work for any possible triggers.

I’ll crown your inner child with laurel by acuteguwu

Synopsis: Chuuya has worked in a Michelin Star restaurant. So he really has no place in losing this cooking competition. But a sudden newcomer, who seemingly has no previous experience in the field, seems to want to tell him his bechamel sauce isn’t ready. And really, who does he think he is?

Tags: Chef Competition AU, Character Study, Slow Burn, Chuuya Is A Blunt Perfectionist, Dazai Is A Culinary Genius

Words: 197,090

Notes: I read this in two days, and I finished by waking up at four in the morning to finish up before going to a drag queen brunch. So really, my experience was incredible. You get to really know these characters, who are very themselves, and it’s lovely. Please read, it’s so worth it.

music for our funeral by itotypes

Synopsis: Dazai has always been lost on what exactly he wants to be. Chuuya knows exactly what he wants. Working with such incredible differences proves to be a difficult challenge, ending in at least a little bit of violence multiple times, but they make it work. Because their music sounds beautiful. Because they’re better geniuses beside the other. And maybe because once it started, they can’t seem to process this journey can ever end.

Tags: No Smut, Angst, 70s, Musicians!AU, Drug Abuse, References to Child Neglect, Lowkey Pretty Violent, Emotional Cheating (w/ Main Ship)

Word Count: 67,723

Notes: Look, there’s a whole genre of Soukoku music AUs. And I could tell you to read the famous “still, still, still” by icedlightroast, or the even more famous “I Was Screaming Your Name Through The Radio” by ElectricSplatter. Which really, they’re both INCREDIBLE fics that I think you should read (IWSYNTTR literally inspired me to try and write music, which led me to do an album for a school project, so I’m not kidding when I say they’re life changing), but I also know that these are famous fanfics that you can find in almost any big skk reader thread. So disregarding the following recommendation, I try to give you fanfics I found through a long scrolling process.

Everything or Nothing by Wellthathappened (Cataclysmic_Calamity)

Synopsis: Chuuya has never been able to experience much. So when he meets Dazai on the night of orientation, he lets himself explore. And as lips sink into his, and he lets himself be free, Dazai lets him know how unimportant he is by walking away when kids walk in on them. Cut to a month later, they’re paired as roommates, Chuuya’s gotten what Dazai insists is a douchey boyfriend, and Dazai Osamu has to recognize it wasn’t true. It wasn’t a night’s fluke. He really, definitely isn’t straight.

Tags: College AU, Pinning, Chronic Illness, Creation & References Of Illegal Panini Rings, Confessions, Miscommunication, Past Sexual Abuse, Bad Parenting, Cute Dates, Dazai’s Really Rich

Word Count: 264,937

Notes: I recognize I just put in my notes that there’s no major point in recommending these big fanfics, but I just read this because the person that introduced me into the fandom in the first place really loves this one. And it’s incredible. Worth every moment. I laughed a lot, and cried a lot. It’s those pieces of work that resound with you that keep you engaged. This one builds off of that.

Inseparable by milwritescausewhynot

Synopsis: Dazai and Chuuya have been joined to the hip since day one. But they’re not best friends. Or enemies. Or, worst of all, lovers. They are, however, great at pranking each other. Until one goes close to dangerous, and things begin getting complicated afterwards.

Tags: High School AU, Pranks, Light Angst, Denial, Pining, Confessions, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Crazy Kouyou, Childhood Friends, No Smut

Word Count: 107,804

Notes: I hadn’t saved this one in my compilation, but I couldn’t not find it. This fic is so charming, and I most enjoy how the characters move through the story. Definitely recommend.

In Conclusion

Again, I’m sorry for such a late response. I’m literally falling asleep right now but I felt too guilty leaving this for tomorrow morning. If you have any questions, notes, or looking for something specific for your reading, we cna talk about it.

Anyways, thanks for asking! Hope you love them, and sorry for any mistakes

#soukoku fanfiction #skk #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #bsd #bungou stray dogs #fanfic recommendations #skk fanfiction #double black #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai

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withered--s0uls · 28 days

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Happy April Fools or whatever except I fear this isn't a joke anymore.

Please read the tags or something idk

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lygma-nygma · 15 days

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Thinking about writing a fic where a “post getting kicked off of robin” Tim actually gives in and says yes to Jason pressuring him to become his sidekick.

But instead of being super angsty or dark Tim decides the best way to get his “revenge” is to become a plague on Richard John Grayson’s home. Mainly, Titans Tower.

This culminates with Jason, Tim, and Steph getting a bunch of their friends together and making their own team (led by Cassie and Jason) called ‘The EVIL Teen Titans.’ They’re just like the normal titans when it comes to saving people and stuff, it’s just that sometimes they decided to attack Titans Tower for their own enrichment.

Basically they’ve become the Titans own Injustice League. Except they’re not actually trying to kill the Titans off, they just get into fights with them. In fact some members of the JL are even encouraging this. After all the regular attacks help the Titans pinpoint holes in their defences.

Dick has never been more tired.

#nygma rambles #this was definitely based on those ‘young justice would turn evil for each other in a heartbeat’ posts #because yeah they would #I think they should lock the robins in a tower and have them beat the shit out of each other more often #I don’t think dick would like it all that much but unfortunately for him I do think it would fix the rest of them #batfam #batfam au #fic idea #should I do character tags?#I’ll just do the main ones #tim drake #jason todd #dick grayson

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imaginaryanon · 7 months

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“Soft-handed,” Izzy scoffs under his breath. He means: coward. He means: fool. He means: you never should have come here, and you most certainly shouldn’t have come back. You don't belong in my world; you don't belong at Blackbeard's side. Sooner or later this life will eat you whole like it did the rest of us, but you won't come out of it victorious like the rest of us did. But Bonnet beams at him, all teeth and sickening sincerity, as blinding as the first rays of the morning sun bouncing across the waves. His eyes are narrowed, though. Mischievous. Whatever he thinks he’s doing, he’s doing it on purpose. “Why thank you, Israel,” he trills; Izzy winces. “Izzy's fine.” It’s shorter. A precious one third of a second less of listening to Bonnet's voice. “If you must.” He means: keep my name out of your fucking mouth.

errands of mercy by imaginarykat

our flag means death, stede bonnet/izzy hands, ~5.7k words

summary: Izzy can’t fucking stand Stede Bonnet. He’d preferred it when the feeling was mutual.

#stizzy #gentlehands #no idea which tag we're using these days #but the fact that i still remember both of those... despite barely thinking of ofmd for such a long while... telling innit #stede bonnet #izzy hands #haha oh god why is putting fics into the characters' main tags always such a harrowing experience. ANYWAY #god this wip has been haunting me for over a YEAR.... thank you ofmd S2 for giving me a hard deadline i guess #fic #mine #ofmd

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androideql · 5 months

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do u have an opinion on . yakumond re: bugs my mind is in factions, warring . edmond brave, yakumo baby. BUT yakumo farm boy. edmond city kid. yakumo destroying farm pests with his bare hands? out of habit? it's on SIGHT?? but nothing scares vice captain, right? so what if yakumond just turns my trope upside down and NEITHER of them are scared of bugs. what then. what do i do

I spent a while thinking how to reply to this ask. And. OK. Bear with me.

I honestly don't see either of them being afraid of bugs. I can see them not liking them, with Edmond being a more indiscriminate "bugs have no place in this house and should be squashed" compared to Yakumo's "will remorselessly kill pests but not harmless insects."

That being said... I kinda like the idea of Edmond having a very specific weakness to just one (1) bug and being utterly fucking embarrassed about it, and Yakumo (being the anxious baby he is) somewhat mirroring Edmond's response to it despite usually remaining very calm. They can be a disaster together. They've got that potential.

In fact, I liked the idea enough that I have this deleted short scene from a fic that I'm working on and that I will be releasing it into the wild now. Mind you, it's a draft so it's way more functional that it is polished.

------

“Sir Edmond, why don’t you go to sleep right away? It's already very late.”

Edmond looked up from the blank paper. At the lack of a desk, a small wooden crate he'd found here in the hayloft would work just fine. Until he saw that he'd finished writing the letter, he was not going to be able to calm his nerves enough to sleep. It didn't matter that it could be done the next morning. Why leave it for later if it could be done now?

“I’ll be finished in a few more paragraphs, don't worry,” he said, dipping the pen in the inkwell. "You shouldn't stay up longer than necessary, either. Is something holding you up?"

"Ah, well..." Yakumo looked at the lamp on the crate. It would be rather difficult to sleep with it still on, and he couldn't ask it be turned off if Edmond was still writing. "It's fine. I can wait a little longer. I'll make sure the tent is properly set up."

"Haven't you already done that twice?"

There wasn't much else left to do here. Maybe he could go outside or look around the barn for things that might be useful next morning? His eyes tried to look around. It would be rather difficult to do this in the dark... Besides, he didn't want to do anything that would be too distracting. Edmond was very particular about this letter.

As Yakumo looked around from where he was sitting, he could see something scuttling up one of the sides of the crate. He frowned at the presence of the insect. People commonly referred to those as "claw traps." They had a crab claw-like pincer and a nasty habit of biting people in their sleep and hiding in boots. What if there were more around? Thankfully, he'd had the foresight to bring some repellant.

Yakumo crawled closer to the tent, where he'd left his belongings. He rummaged around his bag for the repellent and something to kill the insect with. However, Edmond was so absorbed in writing his letter that he hadn't noticed yet. It was probably better to warn him before he got bitten.

"Sir Edmond, there's a claw trap going up your desk."

At the mention of the bug Edmond haphazardly grabbed all his things and scrambled backward in panic, spilling black ink on the wooden floor, splashing some of it on his shirt.

Yakumo's heart made a jump. He dropped his bag and reacted without thinking.

Squish, crack. He immediately squashed the bug with his bare hand.

For a moment, there was silence. He stared at his hand, at Edmond, who looked way too tense over a single bug. When Yakumo realized what he had done, a shudder ran up his spine. He lifted his hand. It was wet and crunchy, and he probably just stuck the claw into his palm because it hurt. He looked at it. Yes. There it was. Like a massive splinter.

He was more worried about how Edmond hadn't taken a single breath ever since he'd killed this thing, though.

"S-Sir Edmond, is everything alright?" He asked as he shook the remains of the claw trap off his hand.

Snapping out of his panicked state, Edmond nervously cleared his throat, his cheeks burning red. He looked aside and took a deep breath with an angry expression on his face.

"Y-Yes... I... Oh, how embarrassing... I need a moment."

With a nod of acknowledgment, Yakumo rushed to wash his hands in the basin, just the get the gooey and feeling off his palm. Now he was going to have to go back into the house to change the water. He was not about to wash his face with cold insect soup when he woke up in the morning.

The act of cleaning and removing the pincer from his palm helped him calm down and think about what just happened. He turned around to look at Edmond, who examined the stained sleeve of his shirt with an air of inconvenienced embarrassment. That ink stain was not coming out, and he probably knew that.

"Umm... Do you have something in particular against these insects? I've never seen you react like that to any others before..."

For sure, they'd been toiling in the fields for most of the day, and this wasn't the first time they'd dealt with a bug problem before. Usually speaking, Edmond didn't hesitate. He looked at the offending creature with disgust and slammed the first hard thing he could find against them, making it abundantly clear that, while he didn't like them, he could handle them perfectly fine on his own. While claw traps were unpleasant, this seemed a bit excessive.

Looking tired all of a sudden, Edmond took a long breath and let out a deep sigh.

"I don't like those."

"Ah... Well, yes? It's... not hard to see that at all..." He waited for Edmond to continue, and he was about to nervously change the topic and run away to change the water when Edmond cleared his throat.

"We saw a lot of them back when I was still in training. There was one summer when they were everywhere, wherever we set camp. They barely let us sleep. I've had an... aversion to them ever since. But I can handle them on my own next time. I just need a second or two to calm down."

The last part was a quick attempt to save face, but Yakumo wouldn't have minded it at all if he had to get rid of one of these pests again. He merely hoped Edmond's panic was a little less contagious next time.

Hoping to help Edmond retain some of his dignity for now, Yakumo tried to make the atmosphere a little less stilted by subtly shifting the subject away from how Edmond felt about these insects.

"You must have stayed within the Light Territory that summer then?"

Edmond gave Yakumo a surprised look.

"How do you know that?"

"Claw traps can only really survive there. The Water and Wood territories are too humid for them."

Hold on... Yakumo's brow furrowed deeply once he realized what he'd just said.

"How did it get here, then?" Edmond asked. And he was right. They were right in the middle of the Water territory, weren't they? But Yakumo didn't really have an explanation.

"M-Maybe they're mutating...?"

"No."

Edmond snapped at the suggestion. Yakumo reflexively lowered his head in response.

"Um..."

"Don't make me even entertain that idea." He stood up, slightly agitated. "I'm going the search the hayloft in case there are more. I won't be able to sleep otherwise."

"W-We have repellent myrrh. We can burn some inside the tent. It doesn't smell bad or anything..."

His voice was barely a whisper, but the night was already silent in the village and the fields. Edmond had no problem picking up what he was saying, or the tone in which it was said.

"... I apologize. My tone was too harsh."

Yakumo had never heard Edmond talk to him like that before. There was no doubt that these bugs were a touchy subject. He chuckled nervously.

"It's... fine. Don't worry. I understand."

With his cheeks turning red once again, Edmond let out some unintelligible noise that maybe, in some corner of his mind, had been words at some point. Eventually, he gave up, huffing in frustration.

"Tha-Thank you for handling it..."

"Oh. I... could do it again if we find another one."

Not enthused by the idea of seeing more of them, but still looking somewhat relieved, Edmond's voice and face softened just a little.

"I seriously wish we didn't... But I'd be quite grateful if you could."

#the reason why i waited to answer this was to make sure I was not going to use the scene at all #turns out that yeah i don't need it #should i put this in the main tag?#new fic coming to you...#... eventually #just bug squashing for now #i couldn't think of a good name for the insect also but it's not like i have to anymore #ok so here's my thinking process:#i've known enough people in the military to make me think that Edmond probably had to put up with some shit as a new recruit or trainee #and that he probably has things that he really really doesn't like as a result #the klein kingdom probably has a bunch of natural nuisances depending on the season #but a trainee probably wouldn't be sent out in the middle of winter right away cause they don't have those survival skills yet #so if those first excursions happen in spring or summer... then bugs are a problem #and Edmond IS a noble anyway. he was probably not expecting that many bugs much less for them to be bite-y #and as for yakumo i just dont see him minding bugs as long as they don't sting #he basically grew up in a cave first and then in a farm; he's super used to them #some kid probably tried to put a spider in his shoe once to try to scare him and got a very underwhelming response for his efforts #i do think he gets nervous when he sees something venomous especially if it moves too quickly #and he probably gets easily startled by jumping spiders if he hasn't noticed them before they jump in front of him #but that's more him being a nervous mess in general and less about bugs #ok enough rambling #i can't do concise answers for shit im sorry

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katabay · 2 years

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trant and jean! they have themes™. extremely compelling themes. I want to can-open the hell out of the 41st.

society6 | twitter | ko-fi | deviantart

#jean vicquemare #trant heidelstam #me over thinking implied themes is going to lead to me writing a 10k jeantrant fic #the pipe line goes in one direction with themes and its I Explore The Themes Until I Run Out Of Thematic Rope To Explore #which is. technically. why my history blog is the way it is. i explore the themes until i run out of themes to explore #and then i'll dig a hole to see if there are weird themes in between the gaps of those themes. shake the theme box around and see #what falls loose #these tags have extremely little to do with the main body of the post. i just think they're neat #i'd open up my wallet for a standalone case dlc with the 41st #no hesitation. i want to see them all interacting with each other so bad

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todayisafridaynight · 9 months

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I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:

I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]

This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing

This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me

Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.

With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…

It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.

Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.

To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.

It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]

When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.

And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…

It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.

I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.

So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.

And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.

Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.

To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…

Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.

But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.

So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.

And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?

Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…

Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…

Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]

To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.

He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.

Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…

As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.

Self-destructiveness

It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.

I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.

I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.

From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.

Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad

I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."

Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")

Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.

Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.

I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.

Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]

I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…

Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]

Lol

Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity

Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]

Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately

That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.

This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.

Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.

High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks

I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.

Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)

Lol…

Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others

Lmao Even…

Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)

I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.

Abandonment issues

Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.

Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place

Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG

Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]

Rofl Perhaps…

Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]

He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.

Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)

Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.

Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")

The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.

[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard

EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…

......

... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao

ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE

#long post #cw csa #doublin up to add cw warnins in the tags just in case <3 lemme know if i should throw more tags down here..... im bad at cw tags....#i forget my bookmark tag for asks from you i stg if i cant find this ask in the future im kmsing (in minecraft) immediately #snap chats #THE SNORT I MADE AT THE DEADPAN 'LOL'☠️ maybe i SHOULDVE put text In The Main Text i have A Lot of Thoughts..#im leavin the main text empty since. ngl i was just gonna compare/contrast to myself again... and say a lot of what weve said b4..#UNFORTUNATELY a lot of the things listed here uhmmmm Hm <3 Uh Oh <3 i do understand. Dare I Say personally. just a bit #I DO HAVE TO DISCLAIM ive never been a survivor of THOSE circumstances or really. any abuse tbh- brain just sucks and im a baby #and i cant say no BUT ANYWAY I HAVE REASONS FOR BEIN AN EGOTIST I SWEAR its cause I Somewhat had those exps/i understand them #i can REAAAALLLYY easily see where your points are coming from.... very easily even... like very in-depth..#even if i didnt cry bout spilled milk every other day it IS clear to see the signs of abuse in sawashiro once you know them #i've def talked bout those aspects of him whether in tag rambles or in streams or have Attempted to express it via fics #so really the bits to chew on for me esp this time round is the more CSA aspects #tbh when it comes to bein unable to see him intimate or 'underdressed' i agree: incredibly hard for me to imagine #the thing with 'symptoms' of abuse is that they kinda overlap i guess ??#in that regard it can either be a need to impress or protect himself/needing to be seen less #when it comes to doing certain things because of CSA i could see it as a result of another abuse too. if that makes sense #THOUGH THAT ISNT TO DISCREDIT THE IDEA nono cause there still exists the Now That I Think About It circumstances of masato #even if we look at it through Western Norms(TM) two- essentially homeless- kids having. A Kid is still bizarre #cause again teen pregnancies generally happen as a result of Bein Irresponsible With A Schoolmate- not that other situations cant exist #but thats the most common innit so. def an aspect to consider. All Things Considered. esp jo's self-separation from ikumi #BUT YEAH i feel like if i try to respond im just gonna end up typing up a textbook bout abuse since. UNFORTUNATELY #childhood psychology is my field of interest. and aint no one readin THAT phat thing. esp when ill prob repeat myself or you ☠️#tbh remindin meself of when i said id write psyche papers on mine and/or jo.... oops 👀💋👀 savin this to steal notes from LOL #i hope yo know i WAS thoroughly intrigued reading this. As Ive Said childhood psyche is Literally My Field and this is v thorough and good #so im always interested in readin bout How X Caused Y in Z... very interesting many MANY things to think about.. ty...#forever cursed to be an idiot cause i really wish i could talk better and say somethin of substance.. ik you said its fine but still..#im always open to chat bout this more if youd like PLEASE dont think my lack of Main Text is disinterest Im Just Stupid. But We Know That

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jaekaicx · 4 months

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i just finished playing in stars and time the other day, and because everything has to come back to amphibia, im thinking about the calamity trio and timeloops.....

#isat spoilers in the tags #gonna ramble a bit in the tags but before i do that #isat is a really cool game that you should totally check out if its ur type of thing #and i wanna talk about spoilers #so consider this a warning #anyways. i keep thinking about specifically marcy and siffrin #the way that they both held on so tightly to their closest and only friends #how they were both so scared of losing those friends and the extremes they went to in order to make sure they wouldnt #but then also how all three of the calamity trio were so codependent towards each other at some point #how they all held so much fear - in some shape or form - of losing the others. of being left behind #like im very biased towards marcy so he's always gonna be my first thought #but also theres that one sasha timeloop fic that left a permanent dent in my brain #and theres all the sasha and siffrin parallels... how they both were so desperate for control #for some sense of agency. for security.#....i feel so bad about not adding something about anne #but. i'll be real. marcy and sasha are the main ones that are. in my brain. with this.#but uh. yeah #the isat brainworms. the amphibia brainworms. theyre plaguing me.#(i hope this doesnt show up in the main tags-)#j rambles #k.txt

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flashhwing · 1 year

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My only filtering issue (unrelated to wanting tags *excluded*) is when I search *for* a character or pairing tag, but a million fics pop up in which that character is there for 5 seconds or barely does anything in the plot. And the [X]-centric tag isn’t used a whole lot in general, so often I’m combing through fics only to find the character doesn’t do much in the story or are just plot device for other characters. This is more of a problem in fandoms with a huge cast of characters. For cases like that, I wish authors would be a bit more mindful of what character and pairing tags they choose to include because the filter function can’t do anything for that. Obviously I know tags also help readers *exclude* characters or pairings they don’t want to see, but in my opinion, if a character/pairing is barely there, it’s worth it to not tag them at all. Unless the character is one of those “[Name] is their own warning” characters 🤔

see this is one where i wish ao3 would actually change how they do things instead of authors coz like. if u got a character that does feature in a fic and therefore should be tagged for accuracy's sake, what you end up with is this -- where someone searching for a character will find so so so many fics where that character is not the focus.

genuinely i think ao3 should introduce like. main characters/side characters as a separate category. i think that would streamline things

#i'm thinking about fortune's favor where like #okay it's a little bit of an ensemble piece but the main focus characters are #essek artagan molly and caleb #so by conventional wisdon i should only tag those four #but what about the deep conversations he has with jester?#what about the chapters with beau or fjord pov?#what about the entire cree subplot?#they're not the main focus they're not what people would be clicking on the fic for #but it feels disingenuous to not tag them #y'know?#asks #anon #this has been a post #lowkey it's been so long i don't even know what i did tag fortune's favor with

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thetomorrowshow · 2 years

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poisoned rats in a pot of grain - ch. 6

Masterlist - Previous - Next

i spent like days struggling with one scene near the end of this fic only to finish writing it and realizing that it doesn't flow right for the main fic. rip me but hey at least now i've kicked that writer's block! it's a very sizable chunk to cut but it's still a good scene so it'll be repurposed into a post-story one shot :)

cw: past minor character death, violence, blood, dehumanization (the usual)

“You’ve fought the Canary?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“It’s Solidarity. And I think he’s being mind-controlled.”

“Right. Sure. Major, would you be able to come with me to meet someone?”

The streets are dark.

It’s nighttime when Mythics, villain of Empires City, wakes. He’s lying on the ground in a tucked-away alley, staring into nothing, when he suddenly sits up and looks around.

He’d stumbled there earlier that day, clutching his head and groaning in pain, had collapsed on the ground and laid there for hours.

Now he heaves himself to his feet, glances around again, and limps out into the city, one hand clamped over his mouth and the other shading his eyes.

He follows a path that is clearly well-known to him, doubling back at points to ensure that there is no chance of any tails. The walk is two hours, two hours that might have been expedited by the use of his powers, but he never uses them. He walks and walks, pace growing slower and slower, on his own two feet until he reaches some dingy townhouses on the outskirts of the west side rundown part of town. Once there, he loses all sense of stealth (which, admittedly, had not been much) and directly approaches one of the doors. He knocks seven times.

There’s a few moments of waiting, waiting that Mythics does not do patiently. He taps his feet, looks around at the neighborhood, runs his hand up a seam of his costume nervously. Right as he reaches to knock again, the lock clicks and the door swings open.

“Hey, Sausage!” well-known antihero fWhip exclaims, spreading his arms wide. Despite the late hour, he’s still fully dressed, leather coat rustling and creaking with his movements. “Long time, no see! How’re you doing?”

Mythics shifts, looks around again. “Can I come in?” he whispers, leaning in close. fWhip frowns, looks past his shoulder.

“Is everything . . . good?” he asks cautiously, adjusting the goggles that serve as his mask. Mythics hesitates, before leaning even closer.

“Something’s wrong. Xornoth’s planning something bad. I’m in too deep. I—I need help.”

“You’re—you’re going to what?”

“I’m going to kill him,” Lizzie repeats simply, eyes daring Scott to oppose her. “I’m going to hunt him down and fill his lungs with water and watch as he chokes to death slowly.”

Scott blinks.

He opens his mouth, closes it again.

What?

“I’m—” he starts, but Joel cuts him off.

“Yeah, he’s your nemesis,” he says, “but Liz has got personal history. I think you ought to work together to kill him, but it’s not me doing it.”

Kill—kill Solidarity?

“Ex-explain to me, why, exactly, we’re killing him?” Scott asks, voice faint in his disbelief. Lizzie looks down, then back up, glare steely but eyes far away.

“I can’t remember much,” she says, her voice smaller and more unsure than anything she’s said so far, a stark contrast from her stormy appearance. “I lost my memory. Years ago. But I remember this. When I was young, I lived in a city. Maybe this one, I don’t know. I don’t remember. But. . . .”

She sits down in one of the folding chairs, rests her head in her hands. “I was young. I don’t know. I came home. Solidarity was there. He was—he was standing over their bodies. He saw me, and—and the house went up in flames. He ran. I don’t—I don’t know how I survived. I only remember flashes. But he killed them.

“I don’t remember anything else. I woke up underwater, no idea who I was or how I could breathe. Swam until I found land. Started a life. I didn’t start remembering anything until he started appearing on the news.”

Scott blinks again, looks away when Lizzie’s shoulders start to shake. Joel kneels beside her, rubs her back.

“Sometimes—” she chokes out, “sometimes I wonder if I forgot these things on purpose. With my water powers, I—I could have just taken them away. Saved myself the pain I feel now.”

Scott’s been close to just driving ice through her ankles for the past three minutes, but those words give him pause. “I—how would that work?”

Lizzie shrugs. “Memories are fluid.”

“No—”

“Shut up, Major,” hisses Joel. “Are you with us, or not?”

He’s definitely not with them, thank you very much. How can he be? They want to kill Solidarity, and Scott has found himself inexorably in support of the man. But some of the things Lizzie had said. . . .

Unfortunately, Scott can relate. Solidarity had killed his own father, even if it wasn’t by blood. He knows where her anger, her grief, is coming from. Just thinking of Aeor makes his chest ache, even after all this time.

But judging by the admittedly very brief and confusing conversation he had with Solidarity, no harm he does is on purpose. He can’t control his powers. And right now, no matter what the Mad King says, he is not in control of himself.

These two aren’t going to sway from their task. The revenge Lizzie seeks is what’s pushing them forward, and she won’t believe anything Scott tries to tell her.

And as much as he hates it, he needs them. He’s been searching for Solidarity for months with no results. He can’t keep going on alone.

They’ve set up a plan already. He just needs to follow along with it, then double-cross them later and save Solidarity.

Or maybe he can convince them that Solidarity deserves a chance.

Strange bedfellows, he thinks to himself. Now lie in it.

“I’ll help,” he says aloud. Joel shoots up, shakes his hand, telling him he won’t regret it and the like. Scott waits until he’s led back out of the building and until he’s skating home to call the mayor.

“Xornoth’s getting dangerous,” he says. “They’re my responsibility. I’m going to be doing some strange things, all right? Just know that whatever happens, it’s all part of the plan.”

Gem waves her staff, sends a bolt of purple lightning out, but Jimmy sidesteps it and keeps stalking toward her, his bad leg making his limp prominent.

His master is just watching. They'd pointed at Gem, they'd said "Attack," and they'd left Jimmy to it. He's not sure how far they expect him to go. He finds he doesn't care. He's being good. He's being a very good boy.

Gem's on the ground, scrambling back and away from him, and she looks scared. Good. He needs to be feared.

There's people watching this fight, a small crowd and a news van, but they're silent, holding a collective breath.

Then a couple of younger guys join the crowd, and as Jimmy is closing in on Gem, one of them shouts out in an annoying, high-pitched voice, "Canary! Step on me!"

Jimmy's head whips to find them in the crowd, their obnoxious floral button-up, and it's barely a moment and barely a disaster (it's just their shoes catching fire, it's really not much at all), but Xornoth hisses in his ear.

"Pet, your task," they tell him through the crackle of his comms, and Jimmy turns away from the panicked shouts and stamping and back to Gem, who has regained her feet and is holding her staff out threateningly.

"Stay away," she says shakily, taking a step back for every one of Jimmy's steps forward. Jimmy gathers what adrenaline he can, feels it thrum through his veins, and directs it at her.

It's one of his more powerful hits, and Jimmy takes a couple of steps away as leaves swirl down, faster and faster, the wind picking up around Gem as she cries out and is suddenly surrounded by a mini twister. It manages to pick her up and carry her several meters before she breaks it apart with a purple blast of energy, stumbling out and to her knees.

"What on earth is your power?" she gasps, brushing her hair out of her face. Jimmy doesn’t respond, just keeps pushing toward her.

He’s tired. He’s not sure he has the energy to do much more power-wise. He’s flagging fast, months of the bare minimum amount of food and sleep catching up. He doesn’t stumble, though. He’s better trained than that.

He doesn’t mind physical combat, he supposes. Anything to keep fighting.

Gem’s again scrambling back, eyes flicking back and forth between the staff that had been torn from her hands with the twister and Jimmy.

Jimmy flicks a knife out of an inside pocket, grips it tight in his trembling hand. He’s winning this fight.

Or not, because just as he’s about to leap onto Gem, a blast of ice knocks him aside. Great. Incredible. Just what he needed.

Jimmy struggles to his feet, wincing as his bad leg shifts a bit in its socket. He checks on Gem—she's gotten her staff back—and then looks up.

Major's up there, coming down an ice slide from a high window. He lands with a flourish in the middle of the intersection where Jimmy and Gem fight, waves cheerily to the now-growing crowd.

"Hey, Xornoth. Hello, Canary. Good to see you, Gem," Major says loudly with a nod to each of them. Jimmy steals a glance at Xornoth, sees their thunderous expression, and turns back toward Gem. Xornoth told him to fight Gem. He can do that.

Major's saying something, and Xornoth is spitting something back, but he doesn't hear any of it because he has to focus on Gem. He has to take her down. His master told him to attack and he can’t stop, he can’t disappoint them, he can’t be in trouble. . . .

Something hits him from behind and Jimmy crumples, his forehead smacking against asphalt. There’s a weight on his back, and even as he flails he can’t become free—this isn’t good, something’s on top of him and he needs to get back up—

What are you doing? a voice whispers in his head. Jimmy bucks at the sound, foreign and unasked-for and intruding. It’s terrifying—there’s something in his head and he doesn’t know what and he wants it gone. “Master,” he whispers, hoping his comms pick it up. The feeling of something pushing at his brain, the voice, rears back for a second before pushing again.

Why do you follow them?

Unbidden, unwanted, images flash through Jimmy’s mind. The beeping of a machine as skin is grafted from him by faceless scientists. Feeling the stitches behind his ear. The cage. Xornoth fixing the collar around his neck. The cage. Xornoth holding him as he sobs, soaking wet. Underground as he raises his arms. Xornoth’s steady hand guiding his knife maneuvers. The cage. His leash. He’s a pet. He does what he’s told.

“Oh, no,” someone says out loud, but before Jimmy can move to throw the weight off his back, there’s a hand reaching around to his face—he shakes his head, but it presses over his eyes—

There’s a pop and a burst and the weight—a person, he knows now—goes flying.

Jimmy rolls onto his side and takes a short breath before stumbling up, shaking out his glider. Some part of it is bent; he’ll have to make sure to straighten it out and give it to Xornoth before the next battle.

On the ground about twenty feet away to the right is the Mad King, groaning as he sits up. On the ground about ten feet to the left is Gem, staring fearfully at her own staff, which lies on the road before her.

Jimmy stares between them. He’s been commanded to attack Gem, but the Mad King is clearly a threat. He can’t keep his back unguarded. He can’t disobey his orders.

His comms crackle, and Jimmy glances up to see Xornoth held by a tentacle in the sky, Major creating spike after spike of ice to leap up to them.

“Incapacitate the wizard,” Xornoth tells him. “I need her. Get rid of the Mad King in any way you see fit, but do not focus on him. The wizard Gem is your main focus, pet.”

Jimmy nods, turns toward Gem. The Mad King shouts something, but he ignores it. He limps forward, straightens his glider straps.

Gem looks up at him, eyes wide, opens her mouth—

A stoplight above her bursts, an entire bulb falling out. It falls, quicker and quicker, and Jimmy has a moment of thinking that it’s larger than he expected before it slams into Gem’s head and shatters. She’s limp on the ground in barely a moment, eyes closed, blood streaming down her forehead, glass shards around her.

Right. That’s that taken care of. He turns to the Mad King, only to see the man standing, arms outstretched defensively.

"I won't hurt you if I don't have to," the Mad King says, backing away a little. "You can come with us, Solidarity. Make it easier."

For a moment Jimmy doesn't even register the use of that name, but when it processes he stumbles. Do people know who he is? His eyes flick up to Major, who is hand-to-hand with Xornoth.

"It wasn't Major who told me," the Mad King says, calling Jimmy's attention back to him. “I figured it out on my own. Come with me, and I won’t hurt you.”

Jimmy’s mission isn’t to go with the Mad King. It’s to get him out of the way by any means possible.

He’s tired, maybe too tired to use his powers, but he can’t get in close combat with the Mad King at risk of losing his senses. He shudders, recalling just moments ago when the foreign voice had pulled at his brain. His best bet might be to collect Gem and run. The van is waiting not too far away, surely he can get there if he causes something small to happen?

He throws his arm out wide in the Mad King’s direction, hoping for anything to happen. Thankfully, there must be something left in his steadily draining energy reserves. The scar behind his ear buzzes with heat, sparks traveling down his arm, and the Mad King is bowled over by a runaway trash can.

Jimmy blinks back the fuzzy blackness that encroaches on the edges of his vision, turns back to Gem. He doesn’t think he can lift her. He hasn’t done any sort of weight training since . . . well, he’d only just restarted his workout regime after . . . before. . . .

It doesn’t matter, anyway, because a tentacle picks Gem up and drags her unconscious body away. Jimmy nods, begins to follow, when a small chunk of asphalt whizzes over his shoulder.

He spins around to find the Mad King standing, another rock in hand. “You can’t just leave!”

It’s all Jimmy can do to not roll his eyes before waving his arm again. The exact same trash can, which had happened to rebound off a spontaneous ice spike, rams into the Mad King from the other direction and again sends him to the asphalt. Again, Jimmy blinks away darkness. He needs to get out of here.

The crowd is so very, very loud, the fight itself full of shouts and crashes, and Jimmy’s already so tired. . . .

Before he can begin to limp back to the van, though, a tentacle grabs him around the waist and lifts him into the air. For a moment panic seizes his throat, certain that he’s going to be dragged up to fight Major (he doesn’t have enough energy he can’t do it but he’ll do it if his master commands), but it only carries him to the van and sets him down gently beside it.

He clambers into the back of the van, holds his hands out for the guard there to cuff them together. Gem is in his usual place on the floor, blood drying on the bright red hair splayed out around her. Jimmy looks down at her impassively, squished to the side, while the van starts up, then pulls away jerkily.

Xornoth isn’t back when they arrive at the manor, so the guards lead him directly to his cell, dragging Gem in with him. They leave her there, on the floor, while Jimmy takes a seat on the bed and lets them uncuff him.

They bring him half a loaf of stale bread and leave.

Jimmy stares down at Gem.

There’s another person in his cell. That’s not right. This is his cell. This is where he sleeps and eats and drinks and stares into space to contemplate death and eternity, not where people intrude to lie on his floor.

Is Xornoth getting another pet?

Jimmy feels his chest puff out at the idea, the idea that Xornoth would even consider it. He’s Xornoth’s pet, Xornoth’s perfect bird. They don’t need anyone else.

And Jimmy wouldn’t wish this fate on anyone else.

He knows what’s expected of him when Xornoth isn’t here, so Jimmy stands and strips off his gloves, followed by his musketeer hat and his glider and coat. He pauses, glaces at Gem, still motionless on the floor. He shouldn’t undress in front of her, right?

He flinches as he feels the phantom crack of a cane across his shoulder blades. He knows the punishment for not complying. He quickly pulls off the rest of the costume, leaving the Canary mask for last, for which he covers his face with his coat to hide until he can replace it with his plain black mask. Then he’s left in a mask and his collar and shorts, and it’s right. This is how he’s supposed to be. He gathers up the heavy bundle of clothes off the bed and places them in a heap by the door. Someone will come in while he’s asleep to take them.

He stretches a moment, feels rather than finds a sore patch on his chest that will certainly become a bruise soon. Then he lays back on the bed, eats a slice of bread, and promptly falls asleep.

“Wake up.”

Jimmy rolls off the bed, is on his knees before he even has opened his eyes. When he does, he finds that the person standing over him is neither a guard nor his master. It’s—right. Gem.

She watches him, eerie with the dried blood still coating her hair, waits until he meets her eyes to begin speaking.

“Where am I?” she demands. “What’s going on? If you tell me where we are, Solidarity, I promise I’ll try and get the judge to be lenient with your sentence.”

Oh, great. More people who know who he is. Jimmy doesn’t reply. She isn’t Xornoth and she doesn’t get to have his voice.

He rises from creaking knees, glances longingly back at the bed. He needs some water, though. His throat feels like it might just crack apart.

He limps over to the sink, jiggles the knob until it turns on. Gem follows him, undeterred.

“What are we doing here? Where have you been? Why . . . why aren’t you wearing clothes?”

Jimmy cups his hands, drinks a bit. The handcuffs are back on. Someone must’ve come in while he slept.

He shouldn’t have slept through that. He must be more tired than he thought.

Gem’s got cuffs too, he notices out of the corner of his eye. Maybe she is a pet.

He splashes some water on his face, shuts the sink off. Gem is tapping her foot, glaring at him pointedly. He’s not sure what she expects. He’s just a pet. He’s a pet. He has to be a pet.

He should probably give her the bed. He really doesn’t want to, but he’s used to the floor and she’s a girl, so he can let her have it. He’s just a pet, after all.

He points at her, then gestures to the bed, before moving to the middle of the room and easing himself down to the floor. The sack of bread is still there. He digs a slice out of it, tears a piece off and pops it into his mouth. Gem doesn’t move from by the sink and toilet, eyes narrowed.

“Why am I handcuffed?” she asks. Jimmy doesn’t know. He tears off and eats another piece of his bread slice. He’s tired. He’s always tired. He can’t have slept long if he’s still this exhausted.

“How long was I unconscious?” Gem seems to read his thoughts, and Jimmy would be scared if he didn’t already know her powers. He doesn’t know, anyways. Long enough that he’s handcuffed and the Canary costume is gone. Not long enough for him to feel properly rested.

He finishes eating the slice of bread and takes another before Gem speaks again.

“Why won’t you talk?”

Jimmy hunches his shoulders, stares down at the bread. He doesn’t want to talk to her. His voice is for Xornoth.

But they’re going to hurt her, aren’t they? There’s no other reason for her to be here, in his cell, handcuffed. They’re going to experiment on her and hurt her and chain her to the table leg. That’s—that’s not good.

He has to help her.

Gem sits carefully on the edge of the bed, fingers tapping on her knee. “I don’t understand,” she admits. “Have you been here the whole time? Where’s the Canary?”

Oh, so she doesn’t know that he’s the Canary. Jimmy’s not sure if that’s a good thing or not. He glances at the door, then back at her.

“Is Xornoth keeping you prisoner?” she asks quietly, gesturing to Jimmy’s wrists.

Prisoner?

Maybe once upon a time, long ago. Jimmy’s not a prisoner anymore. Not really. He belongs here.

He hates it he hates it he hates it.

“Are you . . . able? To talk?”

It would be so easy to shake his head. Instead he twists his bread between his fingers and nods jerkily. Gem huffs.

“Then why don’t you?”

Because he doesn’t want to. Because he only speaks when Xornoth commands it. Because speaking never gets him anywhere except in more pain. Because he can’t stand the sound of his own voice.

He shrugs.

Gem sighs quietly, looks around the room. Her head hurts, Jimmy can tell. He can tell in the tenseness of her jaw, the way her eyes move slowly and blink frequently, the way her fists clench. He’s had bad headaches before.

“I don’t understand what they want with me,” she mutters, her gaze falling back to Jimmy. “Major’s the one who’s been looking for you.”

What?

Jimmy snuffs that hope out before he can even feel it. He’s here. He lives here. He is here. He’s a pet. He doesn’t have hope, except hope to go outside and hope that Xornoth will be kind. He’s good for the devil and he doesn’t dream of anyone rescuing him from Hell.

Gem goes quiet then, and after a couple of minutes, she cautiously eases her legs onto the bed. Jimmy finishes his crumbling bread, crawls to the corner and curls up the best he can. He doesn’t take his eyes off Gem, who doesn’t take her eyes off him.

She’s not supposed to be here. This is his cell. He’s always been alone here, he’s supposed to be alone here. This is where he’s safe, safe to sit by himself and breathe and maybe think a traitorous thought like how much he hates his master—

He shakes his head, as if that’ll push the thought away. He can’t. He can’t think those things. He’s a pet. Those are dangerous, bad thoughts to be having.

He hates them so much.

He pushes that thought away, too, and the next one. Jimmy falls asleep like that, Gem watching him, trying not to think such horrible things about his master.

He wakes when the door slams open, and Jimmy shoots up onto his knees with his head bowed submissively and his hands down. Gem doesn’t do that, only stirs a bit and groans. A sick feeling washes over Jimmy. They’re going to hurt her so very badly for disobeying.

They don’t, yet. The guards hit the bed, yell at her to get up, and Gem does, slower than Jimmy ever would. A guard smacks the back of his head and he turns his focus back on his hands.

Once Gem is fully up, standing between two guards, Jimmy is dragged up by his collar, his leash clipped onto it. Only then do they release him, keeping a hold of the leash and Jimmy steals a glance in Gem’s direction to find her mouth curled in disgust. He bites his lip. He knows he’s disgusting.

His bad leg is stiff today, leaving him limping as he’s dragged down the hallway, then a left turn to a different hallway that disorients him because they don’t go this way ever, but then his eyes catch on a familiar stone bust and he realizes.

They’re going to the ballroom.

The place with the cage.

Jimmy’s halted in his steps before he even knows it, blood rushing in his ears. The guard leading him yanks on the leash, pulling him back into a stumbling walk. He can’t—he didn’t do anything, he didn’t disobey any orders, he’s been good—he’s not going down without a fight—

He braces himself as they enter the room, as he sees the cage beside the throne, the throne where Xornoth currently lounges. He gets ready to dig his heels in, to pull at his leash, but he’s taken by surprise when a guard behind him shoves him and he windmills forward until he reaches Xornoth, who gestures to their knee.

Jimmy stares blankly, even as the guard holding him loops the leash around the arm of the throne. His eyes linger on the cage, then turn back to Xornoth, who coos sweetly and pats their knee again. Slowly, carefully, Jimmy lowers himself to the ground, rests his head on their knee.

“What kind of kink—” Gem starts to say behind him, but she cuts herself off with a grunt. Jimmy readjusts so that he’s facing her, on her knees before the dais, guards all around her.

He closes his eyes briefly, presses into Xornoth’s leg. He’s not going in the cage. Xornoth isn’t putting him in the cage.

“Good boy,” Xornoth murmurs, scratching at Jimmy’s head for a moment. His master has rested since the battle. That’s good. Xornoth is angrier when they’re tired.

“The Wizard Gemini, am I correct?” Xornoth says, voice silky smooth. Gem says nothing, just glowers at them. They slowly run a hand through Jimmy’s hair, rolling strands between their gloved fingers. Jimmy lets his eyes flutter shut, but he doesn’t relax. Not when the cage is right there.

“You could prove quite useful to me.”

“I don’t want to be useful to you!”

A laugh, a light tug on his hair. “She’s feisty, isn’t she, puppy?”

Jimmy swallows, manages a whispered, “Yes, master.”

Xornoth’s hand vanishes, and Jimmy doesn’t move. “In one way or another, Wizard Gem, you will comply,” Xornoth says, voice booming. “You could join me willingly, enjoy all the comforts of my usual associates.”

Gem snorts. “What, and end up like him?”

Jimmy doesn’t need to open his eyes to know she’s talking about him. Xornoth lays a hand on the back of his neck.

“Oh, my little bird is a special case,” they croon, and Jimmy just knows they’re giving him that terrifyingly possessive look. “He didn’t have the choice I give you. His pitiful dreams of escape have been fun to train out of him. Isn’t that right, pet?”

Jimmy can’t help the full-body shudder that seizes him before he croaks, “Yes, master.” Xornoth hums, turns their attention back to Gem.

“You won’t be my pet, I assure you,” they say, and relief washes over Jimmy, filling his throat with a sickly feeling.

He’s not relieved that she’s escaped this fate. He’s relieved that he’s going to remain his master’s only pet. He’s relieved that there will be no one to take Xornoth’s attention from him.

He wishes he’d done it then, when he could, when he had the leash and was alone in his cell. He can’t help but wonder if they would’ve stopped him in time, if they would’ve noticed.

“So, what will it be?” Xornoth says, and Jimmy tunes back in to the conversation. “Join me willingly, or be forced to?”

“I’ll never join you!”

Jimmy almost scoffs when Xornoth does. Everyone joins them eventually.

“Take her away—and not to my pet’s cell. The cellar, perhaps.” Their hand finds Jimmy’s hair again, toys with it gently. “I don’t want her putting any sort of ideas in my pet’s head.”

Jimmy sighs, quieter than quiet. He hates them. He needs them. They keep him safe. They hurt him. He’s fine. He’s—

Gem screams, and Jimmy’s eyes shoot open. The guards are dragging her away, and she’s lashing out—with a blast of purple from her fingertips one gets blown to the other side of the room—Xornoth watches passively as the other guards leap on her, their tasers crackling. She screams again, louder, filled with pain, and all Jimmy can see of her is her red braids, but the ropy scar plastered down his side burns in sympathy. Those stun batons hurt.

Once she goes limp, they drag her from the room. The guard who had been thrown across to hit the wall is sitting up, groaning, another guard helping him. Xornoth’s fingers curl around Jimmy’s ear.

“Such a perfect bird, aren’t you, darling?” Xornoth says absently, and Jimmy can’t help but rest his head a bit more comfortably on their lap. He’s a good pet, and Xornoth seems to think so too. He’s behaved himself so very well lately, hasn’t had any punishments in a little while. He’s been so good.

He settles in once it becomes apparent that Xornoth has no plans on moving, resting his entire body against the throne and his head still propped up on Xornoth’s knee. It’s quiet, still but for Xornoth’s occasional adjustments as they type something up on their tablet.

Jimmy doesn’t exactly doze, but he shifts into a lower state of functioning, unmoving and barely-there, even as the touch in his hair grows tenser and pulls harder.

"Pet," Xornoth says, rousing Jimmy from not-sleep. "You belong to me."

Jimmy's silent until Xornoth yanks hard on his hair, prompting a squeaked, "Yes, master!"

"Hm." Xornoth is quiet again, for long enough that Jimmy feels secure in letting his eyes close.

"How long since your last punishment, pet?"

He doesn't know. He really doesn't. It's impossible to keep track of days here, in his windowless cell with no clock. But Xornoth is waiting on an answer, and Jimmy can't disappoint.

"A—a week, master?"

The fingers move from his hair to caress his cheek, pressing into his face a bit harder than expected.

"I have a choice for you, puppy. Look at me."

Jimmy turns, his leash jangling. It's cold in here, he realizes as his head leaves Xornoth's leg. He holds back a shiver and faces them, not quite meeting their eyes but very clearly paying attention.

"The first choice is a public example," they tell him. Jimmy instantly wants to vomit. Not that choice.

A smile curls those blackened lips. "The second is the cage."

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