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folder-stuff · 10 months

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I steamed with these drawings for a long time, but it was worth it.

When I drew the designs of the guardians, all sorts of ideas came to mind about what happened while Cornelia lived in Meridian. I really like what I came up with, and I'll try to explain why I drew it all at all.

In general, as you know, in this alternative, Cornelia went with Caleb to Meridian, leaving her family and friends, as well as the post of a guardian. This event has greatly shaken Will's confidence in herself as a leader who is obliged to unite girls. Especially after the arch with Nerissa, where she almost lost the Heart of Kandrakar. And don't forget about Taranee's doubts, because of which she even left the team in the canon. In general, Will had reasons to give the leader's place to a new member of the team - Orube. "Maybe someone else can handle it better?" she thought.

At first, it seemed to be a good idea to run away from responsibility. However, girls didn't think so. No one recognized Orube as a leader for many reasons, one of which was Will's authority as the previous head. And when the girls were looking for support in her, she couldn't provide it, because she's not as solid as Orube or Cornelia. Will is a sensitive nature, the heart of the team, not its foundation, and she isn't able to return everyone from heaven to earth because of her character.

Hence the main conflict was born: Will couldn't cope with the role of the guardian of the earth, since she wasn't able to take the position of Cornelia in the team. She felt out of place and understood that she used to be more effective. Against the background of the defeat that has already happened after Cornelia's departure and Taranee's doubts, this aggravated the feeling of failure, inferiority complex and hesitation. Confidence is the main quality of the guardian of the earth, and she lost it without even starting to develop in herself.

This is where the main dilemma began: she wanted the leader's place back. But not only because she realized her incompetence as a guardian of the earth. It's also about the Heart of Kandrakar. From the very moment of Orube's appearance and the transfer of the Heart, Will heard its call, at first barely perceptible, but growing stronger every day. With the understanding of where she really belonged, Will missed the feeling of unity with the Heart of Kandrakar, with its warmth and power. And it scared her. Because she began to see Nerissa in herself, to hear her phrases in her head and to dream that she's turning into a recently defeated enemy...

This is exactly what I wanted to convey in my first work: the binding vines that strangle Will and don't allow her to move; the imitation of the Heart of Kandrakar, which no longer belongs to her; fear from the desire to possess what she can no longer possess.

I hope I have enough strength to make a post about Orube, because I did the drawing for a long time and was a little tired =_=

In the second picture, I wanted to show Will's routine and her new powers. She conjures only plants, often flowers, as it's more difficult for her to cope with heavy stones and hard earth. This is due to fading self-confidence and lack of firmness in actions and decisions. She's effective in combat, but things don't always work out the way she intended, which makes her angry at the plants, as if they're a computer hanging at the wrong moment. She had to learn to cope with vines and flowers so that they were useful.

Also, these plants often get in the way and grow when and where it isn't necessary. For example, they can cling to the legs and grow while Will sleeps.

#w.i.t.c.h.#w.i.t.c.h. fanart #w.i.t.c.h comics #w.i.t.c.h. will #will vandom

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prettymeredith · 7 months

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Fantasy of the Day: Life as a Tickle Therapist

. "You first must understand...

...this isn't anything personal...

...this is my job. I have to do this."

I begin every session with the exact phrasing. Sometimes the words help, but at most times the already broken look in their eyes don't even waver.

You see, I don't know anything about my patients when they arrive, I strickly give them treatment. I can't even be sure that they understand English.

"I'm going to turn this on now, okay?"

Documenting each case is an essential step with my work. Viewing the replay, I can see things I may have missed while executing treatment.

The mirror to my right however, is tjere for pure psychological reasons. On playback I watch their eyes and read the reaction they have to seeing themselves tickled.

"These leather cuffs are going to buckle around your ankles...

...with a little rope, it'll make sure your feet stay nice and secured, right here...

...what I'm doing right now is called a toe-tie. It'll really help keep you from accidentally blocking out my hands...

...and lastly, a gag. The only words who are important right now, are Mine."

All of my equipment comes standard issue, and its textbook technique to explain what I'm using and what it's for. Even if they've had treatment already.

It really sparks something in them to drag out and explain this process. I can use the dreaded anticipation to work to my advantage. Just a little oil and we're off.~

"Take a breath... This is gonna tickle."

There's not a better feeling to me personally than feeling freshly sharpened nails glide along a pair of slick, sensitive soles. Every twitch, giggle, and reaction can have an important story to tell.

They say do what you love for a living and you won't ever work a day in your life. Plus it's great being your own boss; you make your own hours, and have all of the decision making.

"I've been seeing strong signals from you today that you're ready to advance into the next stage of tickling."

"I'm just going to hit pause on the camera here...

...reset the timer...

...and grab a vibrator! Be right back.~"

#tickle community #tickling #tickle blog #tickle kink #tickle #ticklish #tword community #tickles #tickled #ticklish soles #tickle fic #tickling blog

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marsupialmenace · 8 months

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I am incredibly tired and unwell, but I think I've finally cracked so this is very much a vent post, BUT:

I desperately want to take "Romani Dick Grayson" away from fans until they can learn to be nice. Specifically non-Romani fans.

I've seen so many terrible, invalidating, frankly stereotypical and racist takes from people who are 'claiming to be sensitive' to Romani people.

I don't particularly get upset about peoples headcanons, or the desire for diversity (because I have those desires/HCs too!). It's when I see the 'has to' or people arguing their headcanons about Dick's Romani heritage without the experience or the knowledge to do so beyond their five-minute google search that I get upset.

I saw a nice piece of fanart before that had Dick drawn tanned, and it had a reply on it to the effect of "thank you for drawing Dick brown, he's romani." It makes me sad to see people say things like that, that 'Dick has to be brown', because my pale white ass is also Romani. However, on the flipside, if someone draws him too pale, I see people attack the artists and calling them racist in vagueposts for drawing him 'wrong' (white-appearing) despite it being completely possible for a Romani person to be white.

In another place I saw someone refer to the Graysons as 'definitely travellers, so they couldn't be Romanichal'. Are you saying that Romanichal (English Romani people) are less Romani? I don't really understand the need to exclude other Romani people from the 'list Dick could be descended from' based on...whether on not you (royal) consider them 'travellers'.

Not to mention, the word 'Travellers'. Travellers is used in a derogatory way to the Romanichal in the UK, or at least in my area it is, there is a turn of phrase to avoid calling someone a slur in public, people say "Oh, that ones a travelling girl" or "They're travellers" and it has all of the implications with it.

Romani people are diverse, and we're not limited to a skin colour or religion, we all have different culture and traditions and languages, yet I see people insisting Dick has to fit into a box of a 'specific Romani'.

I don't really care for it in fic, I filter out the 'Dick Grayson is Romani' tag. I don't care for it in comics, because it has always been done poorly. I don't care about peoples HC's, 'cause even if I disagree, they can't affect me.

But to see real people talk about a comic book character using words, stereotypes, and phrases that hurts other real Romani people to attack or build up their own worlds/HCs is just so frustrating.

#dick grayson #romani dick grayson #rant post #marsupial rant #dare i say?#marsupial meta #(i dont)#tbh I could go on about this subject for hours and I have at select friends #but my issues with it will always be steeped in my own experiences as a Romani #I just want to stop being hurt when I look at Dick Grayson fan creations #and I don't want to see the word 'exotic' used #or people using phrases from languages they don't understand that they haven't properly got the translation or knowledge for #hence why I avoid fic/the romani dick grayson tag now #obligatory tim seeley my beloathed

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5t4r1uv3r · 1 year

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☆ Team Stan dating hcs ☆

☆ Hello everyone!! These are the first headcanons on my page, I'm so excited!! I apologize if any of these hcs seem too ooc, feedback and advice are always welcomed!!

Warnings include: projectile vomiting, pda, mentions of arguments, and mentions of death.

Characters: Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick

Reader is gender neutral!! 958 words ☆

☆ You are, by far, the brightest star I've ever seen. And I never dreamed I'd be so happy that I could die - Lana Del Rey ☆

☆ Stan Marsh ☆

☆ As he’s grown older Stan’s habit of throwing up around his romantic interests has gone away. He still tends to get nauseous but you won’t have to worry about him projectile vomiting on you.

☆ The way he asked you out wasn’t any grand gesture, he slipped a note into your locker asking you to meet up with him after school. Where he confessed his feelings and asked you to be his significant other.

☆ Stan isn’t the best when it comes to texting, he prefers to talk face-to-face or in person. So that means lots of FaceTime calls, him showing up at your home, or him asking you to go over to his.

☆ Quality time is crucial to Stan, he wants to spend all the time he can around you. At school if you share any classes, bi-weekly dates, and hanging out when your schedules allow it.

☆ Stan prefers to keep dates simple, opting for trips to Stark’s Pond, either on strolls or ice skating during the winter, having movie nights, and listening to music together.

☆ Speaking of music, he has definitely written songs about you. He will also learn all of your favorite songs on guitar and will sing them to you.

☆ Stan will not be too big on PDA, he prefers showing affection in small settings. However, if you two are out in public he’ll always have an arm around your waist. Occasionally sneaking pecks on your cheeks and forehead.

☆ As seen in the past Stan is sensitive and jealous, so he’ll need constant reassurance and praise.

☆ You’re the main communicator in the relationship as Stan struggles to express his thoughts with proper phrasing. It has been the cause of disagreements and fights.

☆ Over all Stan tries his best for you, to be there for you, to help you, and to love you.

☆ Kyle Broflovski ☆

☆ In the beginning Kyle was extremely awkward around you, having difficulty navigating his emotions after failed relationships.

☆ Due to his experiences, it took him a while to confess his feelings to you. Trying his best to push his feelings aside yet he had many moments where he slipped up.

☆ After gathering the courage to confess he decided the perfect way would be to write you notes, poems, and letters that he would leave in your locker.

☆ The final note you received was to meet him at Stark’s Pond where he confessed his feelings for you.

☆ Kyle is a hopeless romantic so he’ll give you the world. Spoiling you with anything and everything you could ever want.

☆ He isn’t big when it comes to PDA, preferring to link arms, hold hands, and forehead kisses.

☆ Kyle always wants dates to feel special, striving to make them as perfect as possible. From moonlight dinners to picnics with your favorite foods, reading poems or books that remind him of you, and taking you to Denver Nuggets games.

☆ One of Kyle’s favorite ways to spend time with you is having study dates. His grades are incredibly important to him and he takes it upon himself to make sure you’re succeeding as well.

☆ He has always had a short temper and strong beliefs, he tries to control those emotions to not hurt you or cause any spats. Kyle wants to understand your feelings and views through your eyes, so he’ll set aside his thoughts and understand you before he gets his point across.

☆ Even though he will get jealous, Kyle trusts you with all his heart. His love is for you and only you, you are his whole world.

☆ Kenny McCormick ☆

☆ Kenny’s reputation as a flirt has followed him since he was a child, he hoped you didn’t view his attempts of getting close to you as that. At the beginning he viewed it as such, but as he got to know you better his feelings developed.

☆ Kenny was very straightforward with his crush on you, he toned down his flirting and playboy nature. Wanting to show you that he only had eyes on you.

☆ Taking steps back he planned how to woo you, dividing his attention and actions solely on you. Kenny vowed no matter how long it took you to understand his feelings he would wait for you, even if you would reject him.

☆ The day you accepted Kenny’s love was the best day of his life.

☆ His economic situation made it so he had to be creative to display his affection, he truly wanted to give you the world. This includes acts of service, making you trinkets, giving you flowers from a nearby garden, and saving up his money to get you nicer presents.

☆ Kenny is huge when it comes to PDA, he has to have a hand on you whenever you’re around. He especially loves having his hand on the curvature of your back nearing your ass. If you’ll allow him, he's making out with you, anywhere and everywhere.

☆ Cuddle or hug him from behind and he will melt in your arms. If you’re not hugging him, Kenny is hugging you at any chance he gets.

☆ Dates consist of talking at Stark’s Pond, late-night drives, stargazing in the woods, or spending time in your bedroom.

☆ Kenny is incredibly selfless, often putting your needs and emotions above his. To many life is the most precious gift, but after dying so many times he realizes that the most precious gift is the people in his life. You and Karen being the most important ones.

☆ Kenny loves you to hell and back and to heaven and back. Quite literally.

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two-white-butterflies · 9 months

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i did one thing right | ja. velaryon

Description: A man who loves writing, never writes about you. In which, you ask him why you're never the muse of his works.

Genre: Social Media AU

Pairing: jacaerys velaryon/actress!reader

There wasn't anything in this god green earth that your husband wouldn't provide. With his large inheritance and successful writing career - you didn't need to work for at least a century - but still, you insisted on acting and moving all around the world. There was one thing that money couldn't buy; personal artistry.

And gods, were you and your husband artistic.

He was an author - the writer of the second most popular fantasy trilogy, and a poet - however he refuses to write about you. He was an expert in his field, someone that everyone respects.

And you were a local actress - one that only accepted films in your country and/or small films with reasonable scripts. This particular film that you acted on was - different. It had a beautiful script, paired with an award-winning director - however you weren't confident of your acting, hence the sweat that was building in your palms.

Andy Ronan, Carolina's troubled lover.

"How does it feel to make your acting debut?" the interviewer asked rudely, blissfully unaware of the fact that you've been the star of dozens of award winning series. Of course, they wouldn't care unless the damn film was in their mother tongue. "It's an honor to act alongside this wonderful cast - and to act out a brilliant script. Argentina is a wonderful film and it touches sensitive topics pretty well. Cate is an amazing co-star too." you complimented.

"Well, you're in the red-carpet beside your husband - and netizens say that he's part of your success. Is it true that he paid for your audition?" the man interrogated, and you couldn't help but roll your eyes. "That couldn't be more wrong," you scoff - feeling your PR manager pull you towards the other side of the room.

Why does everyone assume that Jace is the sole reason for your success?

You gently knocked on his door - phone inside your pocket. "Jace, you busy?" you inquired - peeking through the small gap in his wooden entryway. "Nope, just finished." he rose from his seat, taking small steps towards you before wrapping you in his warm embrace.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," you mumbled while settling down on his leather sofa. The both of you always emphasized communication in the relationship - and thus, hiding nothing would do more harm than good. "What is it?" his eyebrows merged into each other - settling beside you.

"Why do you never write about me?" you inquired and a sigh escapes his mouth. "I write about you all the time, but I keep it in my head." he informs, fiddling with the rings on his finger. "Why?" you ask again.

"If I make you one poem, then I love you. But if I make a dozen poems, that means that I love writing poems." he recited a phrase that he saw inside a random book. He wanted to immortalize you in his scriptures - but words were too shallow to explain what you were.

He could write about your beauty - but words were too cheap to explain it. He could write about your personality - but it wouldn't be clear enough to understand. He loved you - and he didn't believe that he was skilled enough to explain it.

"And I love you very much." he whispered.

#jacaerys velaryon x reader #jace velaryon x reader #jacaerys velaryon #modern au #house of the dragons modern au #social media au

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iouinotes · 3 months

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You're my dream | Alex Walter

pairing: Alex Walter x female!reader

genre: fluff word count: 3,4k

show: My life with the Walter boys

summary: Alex thinks you prefer Cole over him. You show him that he is the most important person in your life.

a/n: @bbr0wni3 and I had the same idea for a story, so I hope you like the final result :) and sorry for gatekeeping sooo long

Alex had been quiet for the entire walk home. It felt like the school day had passed painfully slow, without his sympathy, his jokes, or his comments in math class. I've tried to find out the reason for his silence, but each time I asked about it, he changed the topic and I was left clueless.

Of course, I thought about what could bother him so much, but none of my suggestions were that convincing. Maybe it was his bad history essay? Or did he have had another fight with Cole? Was it about Paige? She had become his black shadow over the last year and if I'm being honest, I never really liked her. I mean, as Alex's best friend, I have little say in his dating life, even though my opinion is important to him.

Because when Alex falls in love, no one can stop him. It happens quickly and is usually associated with a lot of pain afterwards.

But if I remember things correct, Alex has been acting a bit strange for a while now. I mean, I tried to get to the bottom of his sudden mood-changes, but understanding Alex's mind has never been an easy task.

Good thing for me, I've never liked things too easy. Then again, bad thing for me, that I'm in love with my best friend.

I didn´t notice it at first and I can't pinpoint the exact moment, when my feelings for him meant more than just friendship.

Alex has always been a special person in my life, someone I could open my heart to and who would never hurt me. Apparently, I opened the doors to my heart a little too wide for him, because on one warm spring day, when I couldn't stop looking at his smiling face, my feelings for him became very clear to me. I literally hung on every word he said and I didn't even know at that point, that you could see a light in his eyes, when he talked about something he liked, that shone as beautiful as the rays of the sun.

And then, without even paying attention to what he was saying anymore (I think it was something about a new video game, he was playing), I quickly wrote down a few phrases in my notebook. that came to my mind. Unfortunately, I probably acted a little bit too hectic, because he stopped talking mid-sentence, irritated but curious.

"What are you doing?" I heard him ask, a smile on his lips. He leaned towards me and before I could hide it, he read the words out loud.

"Looking at you is like having the sun right in front of me.

I´m blinded by your beauty."

I thought my heart would give out at that moment, but he just grinned at me with twinkling eyes and asked who these two poetic sentences were addressed to. I said back then that it was about a character from a movie, because he wouldn't have bought anything else. After all, he had known me for so long that he knew about every crush I ever had, so choosing a boy from school would have been out of question.

But he never found out that my inspiration was actually him.

However, when I clear my thoughts and turn to look at him now, a visible frown is attached all over his beautiful features. I decide to put my arm around his arm, the typical pose for a married couple, so he isn´t able to get away from me and I can convince him to hang out. With the aim that I can lighten up his sadness.

Unfortunately now, much to my discomfort, he's looking at me with raised eyebrows, which is why I finally bring up the sensitive topic.

"So, something is clearly bothering you and I will take it as my duty to change your miserable mood. Don´t protest, because we are going to my place and I will take care of you with lots of ice cream. How does that sound?" I see a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, he signs but then quietly nods. And when we arrive at my house, luckily my parents are still at work, I turn the key and let us in. He takes off his jacket, my eyes secretly wander to him and I notice, while my heart is pounding, that he wears my favorite sweater. A white one with a blue hood.

He fixes his hair, that always need to look perfect and I smile lightly, because I love every time that I can get on his nerves, when I ruffle through it. He throws himself on the sofa and while I turn on the heater and go into the kitchen to get the ice cream, he has already made himself comfortable with a blanket. When I see him hugging a pillow, still scowl on his face, I sit myself right next to him. But as he keeps his attention at the black TV, I notice his exhausted figure and decide to speak up.

"Alex, come on. Talk to me, something is obviously going on. I don´t like it, when you are sad. Plus, I really miss your smile." My hand rests on his shoulder, lightly stroking the hair on the back of his neck, because I know he has a weakness for physical touch. When I see him struggling to keep up his act, I approach him and whisper "you can tell me anything, you know that right? I would never judge you."

Again, he signs loudly, but finally looks at me. His eyes are searching for mine and now that his attention is focused completely on me, I suddenly feel uneasy.

"D-did I do something?" My nerves are getting thinner by the second. I hate to upset him. Probably because I love seeing him happy so much.

"No, it´s-" his hand brushes over his face. "It is complicated." I'm still trying to understand, why he can't tell me what's going on.

"You didn´t do something illegal, didn´t you? I mean, I would still be your best friend, but I would have to make up a story, why I'm visiting you in prison-" at that, he quietly laughs and shakes his head.

"It´s legal, even though I feel like it shouldnt be." Now I'm curious and scared at the same time.

"Please, tell me. I´m dying to know." I try to put on my best puppy dog look, even though it probably looks pretty stupid.

A few seconds later, he slowly raises his hand and places it on my cheek, gently stroking my skin, while still holding the eye contact. His gesture leaves me speechless. I mean we cuddled every now and then during a movie or I've fallen asleep on him. I've also kissed him on the cheek once while doing a chore, but otherwise we always kept a decent distance. The fact that he's coming so close to me now is catching me off guard.

"You...you would tell me if you like someone, right?" His question surprises me.

"Yeah, of course. You now, that I can barely keep something from you. You always know what I get you for your birthday, because I can´t resist, when you keep asking me about it." His hand slowly sneaks into mine. My eyes wander to our laps. I feel myself getting more and more confused.

"Alex, what´s going on? I don´t hide anything from? Do you think otherwise?" I feel a pang in my heart as I look into his eyes.

"I heard a rumor" he begins to say and I draw my eyebrows together at his words. He never considers any rumors, because most of the time they are false anyway.

"And?" I want him to continue.

"It was about you and-" hopefully not about the fact that I'm in love with you, just let it stay my secret.

"-Cole." What?

"What?" He signs, looking away from me.

"Someone said, he heard you talking about how in love you were with him or something. That you prefer him over me." He averts his eyes so he's no longer looking at me. I almost laugh at this ridiculous statement.

"Do you really believe that? That I would prefer Cole over you? My funny and kind, but sometimes very very stupid best friend? You really think, I hang out with you in every free second, that I have, because I like your brother? Who is by the way, not even close on my list of people I would visit in prison." I'm glad he didn't do anything illegal and it's just about a stupid rumor. But now, I still have to convince him, that it is in fact just a rumor.

He is quiet for a moment, but when he speaks up, I almost laugh at his question.

"Where am I on your list?" His eyes look into mine and now I'm the one taking his hands.

"Alex" I start to speak in a gentle voice "you will always be my number one, you hear me? I don´t think, I like another person in this world or in this universe as much as I like you. Sometimes, it feels like you are literally the reason, that the earth revolves. Because for me, my world revolves around you. I enjoy every second, I spent with you and I would never, ever trade this for even a minute with Cole. Okay? Never. I promise."

I finally see his shoulders relax and a genuine smile that spreads across his face. When I nudge him on the shoulder, he laughs.

"You, big dummy. I thought, you would tell me, you robbed a bank or something."

"Oh, I would never dare. You would kick my ass." We smile at each other in silence.

But I still want to know, how it comes, that he would believe something so ridiculous.

"So, why did you think, I would prefer Cole over you?" It hurts a little to think, that he believes he´s not that important for me.

"Because" he begins to say, gesturing with his hands "the Cole effect exits and all that. Every girl falls for his charm or whatever. I can´t compete with him." Something I will never understand. How he always makes himself look bad in comparison to his older brother.

"Well, for the matter, you affect me with your smart and kind soul. And I think my heart could bear it a lot better, if you would not look like a dream come true."

He's silent for a moment and I begin to panic, when he suddenly looks at me with a nervous expression.

"Can I- I mean, I think I´m going to say something really concerning. And it will affect our friendship, like a lot. So, just let me say it." Since that means, that he wants to talk about something important, I stay quiet. Nevertheless, still holding his hand for support.

He exhales heavily, but then looks directly at me. "I know you for as long as I can remember, you were by my site since the second I walked on this earth. You know, quite literally, because we were in the same kindergarden group. You were my first friend and I remember so many moments, that will forever exist in my memory. And...in my heart. Because you seem to have a say in what my heart wants and it feels like it wants you, for some time now. I know you are my best friend, but I cant imagine someone else being so connected in my life. In everything I do, everything I am. You support my decisions, even if you don´t like them. When you force me to watch rom-coms with you and the characters talk about finding their soulmate, doing all these cheesy things, I realize I want that too. With you. Since watching the Notebook three weeks ago, I wake up every day and wish that you would lay next to me. So, I could-"

He leans forward and with a shy smile, that makes my heart burst with happiness, he kisses me. It´s a feeling, I never want to miss again.

"-kiss you. It would be the first thing I would do in the morning."

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ears.

"I would-" his hands move to my waist and pull me onto his lap. "-make you sit right here and whisper all the things I adore about you. Like-" he kisses my forehead, I feel his lips across my face. I close my eyes and enjoy being so close to him. He leans further towards me, his lips brush over my neck and leaves a kiss there.

He mutters a few words, that I -much to my dislike- can´t understand. But I´m too caught up in his embrace to ask about it.

But then, he seems to get more confident and when he speaks again, I almost tear up.

"I love you. As my best friend, my heart, my love, my person. If you let me. I'll be yours, if you want to be mine."

I kiss him again, letting the tears flow, because I don´t know what else I could do to show my happiness. When we break apart, I look at him. A lovesick feeling inside my chest.

We're holding each other in our arms, but just a few seconds pass until his curiosity wins and he turns to me.

"That quote, that you wrote a few weeks ago, about someone being like the sun for you. Who was it about? Because you did not, just for once, talked about a fictional character. I would remember." Okay, I didn't expect that.

His beautiful eyes continue to look at me, encouraging me to come out with the truth. I nervously smile, tracing the lines in his hand.

"As you said, you ever looked at someone and just thought: This is my person? Someone, you want to have in your life, no matter, if it´s just a friend, a boyfriend or maybe even a best friend." I look at him, searching in his eyes, that he knows how I feel. Then I continue.

"Someone who makes you smile just by existing. Or someone who has a shitty humor, but he delivers his jokes so perfect, it makes you laugh anyway. Someone, who holds my heart and my mind in his hands, even if he doesnt know it."

"What´s he like?" His eyes are curious, but to my surprise, he seems irritated by the thought, that I could be in love with someone. Someone, who isnt him. You big, big, idiot.

"He's kind, has a fascination for fantasy books and for riding horses, playing baseball or fighting creatures in video games. He doesn't know, why I have a soft spot for sweet, gentle and caring characters, even though he is my inspiration for writing them."

His lips part in surprise.

"He's my everything. Sometimes it makes me sad, because I can´t love someone else, the same way. But then, I look at him and I feel like, why do I even want to love someone else, when he exits." I pause for a moment.

"When you exist."

My words make him speechless, but he continues to hold me close to his heart.

"For a long time, I didnt even know I had feelings for you too, Alex. You were always like a second home for me.

You are someone I trust the most and who I rely on in any kind of situation. You make me laugh and you´re always there for me. At first, I didnt notice my change of feelings. Because you kept being my safe place, but as I grew up, I realized that nothing mattered the way, you matter to me.

Sometimes, when I look at you, it feels like I have met my other soul or that maybe, we share the same. Nothing in this world is as important to me than you or your feelings. Maybe it wasnt clear enough for you to see, but I am in love with you.

Your existence in this world is so special and like nothing else, I could ever dream of. Because you are my dream, the most-dearest one."

#alex walter #my life with the walter boys #cole walter #love confessions #love #x reader #soulmates #fanfic

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dirtyvulture · 1 year

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If you’re taking doing Natasha x Reader requests (🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽) what would dirty talk with Natasha be like???

(You choose which Natasha though, I can’t pick one!)

18+ only, read at your own risk

AN: Thanks to the sinners in our Discord server for this idea lol. (Also, I relied on Google translate because I know zero Russian, so please bear with any mistranslations.)

Natasha will often revert to Russian when she gets really caught up in the moment. It doesn’t matter if you’re going down on her or she has her hands all over you, but you know she’s pleased when you can’t understand what she’s saying.

However, when Nat realizes you don’t understand Russian and have made no attempts to learn it, she starts picking the most random words to say to you and seeing the effect it has on you.

“резиновая утка,” Natasha whispers in your ear with her fingers knuckle-deep inside of you. Your body bucks uncontrollably when she finds your sensitive spot and you cum hard, panting and begging her to stop.

Natasha continues to use this same phrase with you during sex, to the point that you recognize it and can almost cum on command when you hear it. For your next birthday, she purchases you a little yellow rubber duck for reasons you don’t understand and she refuses to explain, so you leave it on display on your nightstand.

Yelena comes by to visit your place one day, notices the toy, and comments on what a cute “резиновая утка” it is.

You almost pass out and Natasha cries from laughter.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please like, reblog, and comment! Follow for more content.

#natasha romanoff #black widow #natasha romanoff smut #Headcanon #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x female reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months

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Am I An Asshole for Hating How My Sister Says "I Love You"?

My sister and I are very different people. She is outgoing and extroverted and social, I am quiet and introverted and honestly have a ton of trouble with social interactions.

My sister has ADHD, but she does not take any medications for it because of legitimate medical reasons. Because of ADHD and some other actions she does, I highly suspect that she struggles with RSD (Rejection Sensitive Disorder). She has not been diagnosed with that specific symptom, but she also doesn't go to any kind of therapist that COULD diagnose her with it. I just made a note of it in my mind so I can try to understand her actions and be empathetic.

However, there is one action she does that drives me up the wall and it's the way she says "I love you".

She will say "I love you" and I will, of course, respond back "I love you, too". Because I do! She is my sister. She is great and I couldn't ask for a better sister! But then she will follow it up with "You Promise?" And I will say "Yes".

Except, if my tone isn't EXACTLY perfect, it turns into a cycle of "are you sure?" Or"you didn't sound like you meant it" or "why did you say it like that" and the whole thing can last for like 10 minutes. It will turn into a whole analysis of my tone.

And I don't understand tones. I don't think I'm autistic, but tones really stump me. I miss sarcasm a lot, for one. And I'm a pretty monotone person. I feel like all of my tones sound the same? I'm certainly not very emotive. So I have no clue what she is talking about most of the time when she says "it didn't sound like I meant it".

Anyways, the conversation that follows "I love you" always irritates me or makes me feel bad. It irritates me because it is a continuous thing, happens almost EVERY TIME she says "I love you", and she is an incredibly loving person. We have this conversation two or three times a day. But it is exhausting to need to try to convince her that I love her every single time. And it makes me feel bad because it's like she just CAN'T believe that I love her. Like me expressing that I love her just isn't GOOD enough. It doesn't matter all the times I try to say I love her, it's just not good enough for her.

And when I have brought this up to her, she just starts sobbing and saying "I just like to hear you say it" over and over. And by that, I mean she just repeats that specific phrase over and over, she doesn't make any kind of comment on what I am actually trying to express to her. She just shakes her head and cries and says "I just like to hear you say it". Even when I try to calmly explain that it's hurting ME. It feels like she doesn't care how the conversation affects my self-esteem, only how it affects her self-esteem.

And I'm trying to be understanding, but am I the asshole for being irritated and hurt by this behavior? Should I be more understanding of her? Am I being overly judgemental?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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astrolovecosmos · 7 months

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~Libra Season~

A sign that is known for being lovely yet deceitful, shallow yet also surprisingly strategic, insightful, and potentially jealous, spiteful, or determined. Libra is associated with the surface-level, but they also encompass the idea of "more than meets the eye". A lot of Libra's stereotypes revolve around more shallow ideas, but below I've explored 3 major traits that help illustrate the complexities of the scales.

Objectivity: Libra is known for being unbiased, fair, and about equality. They are usually easygoing and level-headed. They have a strong sense of justice and are usually more logical than emotional or brash. This can be attributed to their association with intellect, balance, and the general detachment and observational side of the air element. But there are many reasons astrologers have claimed are the main motivators for Libra's pursuit of harmony, balance, and peace. Some may cite their people pleasing nature, a fear of conflict, pressure, or flaws, an urge to always find the middle ground from an analytical standpoint, or a great need to connect and understand. Their idea of balance may also be deeply rooted in ideas of balancing two extremes, strengths and weaknesses, balancing stressful and restful times in life, a need to balance to reach self-awareness or self-protection. With all of these different motivators I think it is still worth remembering, sometimes their objectivity comes from a useful ability to rely on facts while also taking into account all sides of a situation, the ability to be open to new ideas and info.

Romantic: Most know Libra as a romantic and charming sign. They are associated with partnerships, dating, and marriage. Libra is about cooperation and avoiding conflict and flaws. Their easygoingness and longing for connection and harmony aligns with their romantic side. They have a sensitive side that admires beauty both literally and abstractly. Libra can be deep in their love and romance - finding growth and understanding from others or meaning through the excitement and mystery in the everyday. Libra can also be frivolous in their romance - approaching dating and fun with a hedonistic attitude, becoming socially competitive, living by vanity, or always staying light and detached. Romance for Libra is not always related to relationships, it may also be related to romancing their lives, hobbies, or interests.

Artistic: Libra is usually labeled with the trait of being "artistic". While this sign can be very intellectual and logical, it can also be imaginative and creative. However Libra is usually pinned with the phrase "artistic" more so than talented or imaginative. Libra may have a connection to the arts due to their connection to beauty, leisure, and culture. The "aesthetic" side of art is a common interest for them. But they may also try to live as an artist by enjoying the small or unusual things, taking time to indulge and relax, being romantic and soft, being curious, and experiencing both the shallow and deep side of people and life. Libra is an air sign and has a level of detachment to them. They may struggle to understand and process their emotions. But through art Libra may find emotional understanding and processing. Many air signs find themselves attracted to or fascinated by artistic pursuits for this very reason. Practicing their art may also help Libra to sharpen their social intuition. Maybe help them balance intellect vs. emotion.

#libra #zodiac #astrology #libra season

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whyceasefirefaq · 1 month

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UPDATE: The United Nations passed a ceasefire resolution! However, It's incredibly temporary. So, on that note, here's 7 Things I've Learned While Doing Solo Outreach In Solidarity With A Ceasefire And Palestine because while that is progress, we are not there yet. The end goal is justice & there is much more work to be done. Since I finished setting up this outreach site, I've gone out and tried my hand at solo outreach three times. It's been a process and a lot of learning along the way. That said, these tips also work for small groups as well.

Related: It's important to know your rights. Laws can vary per state when it comes to protests. Know yours before you do outreach. 1.) Give yourself time and patience to find your groove. Things that may work with a larger group, may not necessarily work when you're doing outreach by yourself. I've found I just need to try things & see. It can feel a bit messy at first, but if you are aware and open to change, you will eventually find your groove. And once you do, doing solo outreach is a lot easier.

2.) It's okay if you feel self-conscious while doing solo outreach. I still feel that way at times when I begin doing outreach, but I find this phrase helps me get out of my head & into the zone. "There's a genocide happening. We all must take as much action as we can. This isn't about you." Deep breath. Okay. Let's do this. Another thing I think about is the Nazi holocaust (a genocide where a number of people in my family were killed.) And I think what would I have done during that time? While not the exact same thing, this is a genocide. Now is your time to do something, to be that person, and when I focus on that, that feeling is bigger than any self-conscious feelings that I might have.

3.) Find your local go-to outreach locations. Locations that are great for protests and group outreach are not necessarily the best for solo outreach.

For example, I recently stood on the corner by a small bodega (local store) and a college, which worked well. If I was in a group, that corner would've been too crowded.

Ideally, a good location will have a nice flow but not be overly packed with people. Also, the area shouldn't be where people are too much in a rush.

I initially tried doing outreach in midtown (New York City) during people's lunch breaks. Didn't plan it that way, but I had an eye doctor appointment in the area, got there too early and so while waiting outside, (my sign was in my bag), I thought "Well, let's give this a go." While some people were giving me signs of approval, they were too busy to stop and engage. Also, the area should not be too loud. Once I tried a spot where almost every time I tried to talk to people, a truck went by semi-drowning me out. but on a related note...

4.) Don't just hold up the sign and wait for people to take action. When I did this, I got plenty of thumbs up, but no one scanned the QR code on the outreach sign to fill out the petition. It wasn't until I started saying variations of "Take action for a ceasefire" that people started to engage. 5.) Keep the tone friendly/approachable. Yes, this genocide (like all genocides) is horrific and time-sensitive, but I've found if your tone is too stressed out, urgent, and/or outright chanting (as one might do in a group at a protest) it can turn people away. If you're chanting in a group, it's unity. People understand that. If you're chanting by yourself, you're just a random person on a street corner talking too loudly. That said, it also depends on how loud your location is. Go accordingly.

6.) Do self-care in-between outreach so you don't get burned out. Do not joy or rest shame yourself. We must be proactive in taking care of ourselves in these times, and to do so is not selfish. Imposing unnecessary suffering on yourself does not help the Palestinians or the cause.

While doing outreach I have gotten more positive responses than negative ones, but a couple times I have been called various and not very complimentary names. And I can kind of laugh at that now while typing this, but sometimes when I'm tired, it bothers me more than it would and I find my brain is focusing on the few negative reactions instead of the many positive ones.

When this happens, I know I need to do self-care and feed my soul. This is not only important for my emotional well-being, but it also allows me to do more effective outreach. There is a difference between taking action and taking effective action and it's easier to know the difference when you're not emotionally drained.

Sometimes you're going to take action and it's not going to be this big thing that goes viral, but that doesn't mean it's not making a difference. When I am burned out, I often feel impatient, and frustrated and even wonder what is the point? But when I care for myself, I am then in a place to remember that every action ripples, and when part of a collective effort (which this is), it can most definitely make big waves. So far 12 people scanned the QR code on the sign and that's 12 more than before.

7.) Never forget that everyone has something to contribute and remembering that can lead to new ways of participation.

I came across this lovely human who wanted to take action in solidarity but didn't have a cellphone to scan the QR code on the outreach sign. I asked him if he wouldn't mind having his photo taken with said sign, to be shared on social media, and he said yes.

And that's when I started taking photos of people, including those who could scan the QR code but wanted to do more.

The reason why this is useful is that when the photo is shared on social media, it's now one more image that's getting the word out, encouraging people to scan the QR code (which leads to the petition & thus take action.)

People can also take their own photo with the sign and post that on their social media, thus further getting the word out. This can be done digitally as well. (Tag me on Instagram, Twitter, Bluesky, and/or TikTok @ rebelwheelsnyc if you do.)

That said, I don't ask everyone I engage with if I can take their photo. You have to take it on a case-by-case basis. If a person is scanning the QR code but is giving off vibes that they are in a rush, I don't ask. But if they are casually chatting with me while filling out the petition, asking questions about the project, etc then I do.

GET INVOLVED! For further tips, free outreach graphics, a FAQ & more, kindly check out: WhyCeasefireFAQ.Tumblr.Com

Thank you to everyone who has supported this project via sharing, getting involved, and sending kind words. It was created with a lot of heart and solidarity, and I greatly appreciate people showing the project some love. [image description: There are four images at the top of the article, two in each row. Upper left: a bald man with a mustache and brown skin is wearing a black winter coat, smiling at the camera while holding up the outreach sign. Upper right: a thin-framed person with light skin and black hair that's slightly wavy and a thin mustache, is wearing artsy sunglasses a black winter coat a gray scarf, and is holding up the outreach sign. Bottom left: a petite senior woman is wearing an olive green winter coat, a beige scarf, and a black hat. She has small sunglasses and is holding up the outreach sign. Lastly, bottom right: a bald man with brown skin and a hint of a mustache and goatee, is wearing a black winter coat and is looking right at the camera while holding up the outreach sign. the outreach sign in question is as follows: Rectangle graphic. Black & white except for a watermelon illustration which is green, white, red, and black aka the colors of the Palestinian flag. Graphic is divided into three sections by thick black lines. Section 1: The text reads“Ceasefire now! “Stop the genocide in Palestine” “Sign the petition:” Section 2: “URL if not now movement .org / our - campaigns.” “Or scan code with your phone” “Jewish-led. Allies are welcome.” Section 3: “Questions? Concerns? Why ceasefire FAQ. tumblr. com.” Main font is a bold thick font except for “sign of petition” which is in a script font. Next to “scan code with your phone” is a QR code which is a bunch of random black shapes with a white background. “Ceasefire now” is the only text that is white with a black horizontal rectangle behind it. All other text is black on a white background. The text “sign the petition has a white rounded rectangle” behind it with a thin black border.]

#outreach #outreach graphics #tips #Palestine #free Gaza #Israel #free Palestine #genocide #current events #Palestinian genocide #ethnic cleansing #Jews for ceasefire #Jews for peace #Jews for Palestine #anti Zionism #anti imperialism #Gaza

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clangrogu · 10 months

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Characters Who are Autistic, Because I, an Autistic Person, Said So

*gifs not mine*

Abed Nadir (Community)

has special interests

doesn’t like change

vivid & complex imagination

often wishes reality is more like tv & actively tries to make it so (particularly when he’s upset/overwhelmed)

difficulty fully understanding social cues, behaviours & practices

however, he ‘studies’ those around him to learn (considering himself “a student of human character”)

excellent memory

very self-aware

infodumps, hyperfocuses & hyperfixates

dan harmon wrote abed based on himself and later discovered he’s actually autistic

Chidi Anagonye (The Good Place)

uncomfortable crossing his ethical boundaries (including rule breaking & lying)

has a special interest

infodumps, hyperfocuses & hyperfixates

socially awkward

honestly, writing a 3,000-and-something page book on your special interest that not even an ancient demon (who can read all of humanity’s literature in an hour) can read/understand, is the most autistic thing that’s ever been done

difficulty making decisions (especially when put on the spot)

gastrointestinal issues (especially when anxious)

gets ‘worked up over little things’ (every autistic person has heard some variation of this phrase at least once, right?)

literal thinking

Xenk Yendar (Dungeons & Dragons: Honour Among Thieves)

difficulty understanding sarcasm, jokes & expressions

literal thinking

strong sense of justice/right & wrong

difficulty fully understanding social cues, behaviours & practices

literally walks in a straight line over a boulder, instead of going around it (this is 100% something i would do)

“i do not traffic in colloquialisms”

Orla McCool (Derry Girls)

has special interests

literal thinking

honest

sensitive to loud noises & textures (sensory issues)

difficulty with social norms & cues

difficulty understanding sarcasm & jokes

Robin Buckley (Stranger Things)

“i don’t really have a filter or a strong grasp of social cues”

sensory issues

blunt/honest

atypical problem solving

motor difficulties

infodumps & hyperfocuses

feels different from those around her

hints of possible special interests

great memory

#autistic coded character #autism coded #autism #autistic traits #community #abed nadir #the good place #tgp #chidi anagonye #d&d: honor among thieves #xenk yendar #derry girls #orla mccool #stranger things #robin buckley

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drdemonprince · 1 year

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Dear dr. Price,

A follower pointed out your book Unmasking Autism to me and said it was a life-saver. I have put in on my birthday wishes list.

According to lists on the net, I am supposed to reflect on whether I am behaving in a way that is aims at others' needs or my own and so on. This is precisely my problem. I am closer to 50 than to 40 and have probably been masking for over 40 years. How can I know what type of behaviour is learnt? What is ingrained? Is it possible that I have passed the window where I can still find natural conduct?

If you could see your way clear to answer my concern, I should be much obliged.

Kind regards,

Maarten

Hi Maarten!

Thank you so much for your question. While I understand deeply the desire to try and sort out which elements of yourself are naturally you and which elements are learned behaviors linked to a lifetime of trauma, in actuality there is no separating them. There is only one you. You have only lived one life, and it was the (at times very challenging and invalidating) life that you had. Humans are social beings, it almost makes as little sense to thing of humans in individual terms as it does to discuss ants without talking about colonies. Who we are is social, interpersonal, relational, and interactive.

The good news about that, however, is that who we are and how we feel can change, so long as our circumstances do. To some degree, masking and inhibition may always feel natural to you. I've been utterly fixated on unmasking both personally and professionally for years now, and while I've opened up a lot and learned many communication skills, my default mode of operating is still always to clench up. I will probably carry that reflex inside me for all of my life. That reflex has helped me. That reflex has saved me a great many times. It's just also hurt me and cost me a ton. And these days I try to accept all of that, and accept myself as the mutable, fragile, self-protective, sensitive being that I am.

I think it is far easier to focus on small behaviors and desires (and not-desires) than it is to worry too much about who we "really are" who we "would have been" in a completely alternate reality where we hadn't suffered the experiences that we have. Thinking about a fully liberated and unfiltered alternate self is enticing, I fantasize about who I'd have been in a better world all the time, but that person does not exist, and never did, and never ever would have.

Neurotypical are harmed by neuro-conformity pressures too. Capitalism, white supremacy, and the gender binary restrict how all people behave today pretty severely. Nobody lives fully free right now. This might sound bleak, but it's also a fact that unites us, and thinking about it gives me some hope. It helps me realize that I'm not uniquely boxed inside myself and separated from other people -- I'm suffering from the exact same forces that all people do, just in my own way.

I'm not uniquely broken. Neither are you. But we are irrevocably shaped by our life experiences. Instead of trying to change who we are, or find some inner true self, which is a daunting task, I think that instead, we can just practice saying no to things that make us uncomfortable, asking for the changes to our environment that we do need in order to feel comfortable, sharing what we feel, and taking time regularly to take stock of our lives and figure out what it is that we want and we wish for. It starts small.

Little phrases like "I don't like that," "I don't feel good," "I'm not interested in talking about that," "I'm going to go do something else," "Here's what i believe," "I don't agree with you," "I really need [thing]," and "I want to build a life with more room for [thing] in it" are some places to start. Truly, the more you get in the practice of saying such things, the better you get at noticing how you are feeling, and the more feelings and wants and not-wants you become able to self advocate for. It's not about becoming a new person, or throwing off the mask in one go. It's a skill, and anyone can develop a skill. You might as well make the rest of your life better. No amount of suffering in the past condemns you to needing to feel shitty about your desires forever.

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koreofitall · 7 months

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I shared these with the G/enshin snz discord, but wanted to share here too >:)

N/euvill/ette snz hcs/scenarios. I am down BAD.

The entirety of the audience will bless him if he sneezes during a trial.

He used to ignore it, but as the years went on, he's grown a fondness to it.

Will ALWAYS say thank you to a blessing now a days, but didn't understand the sentiment when he first came to Fontaine. It wasn't until he realized what the phrase meant that he grew to deeply appreciate it.

He is beloved by the people of Fontaine and it surprises him every time they extend even that small show of kindness and attentiveness.

In the absence of a tissue/handkerchief, what have you, he will opt for his elbow. Always mindful of not spreading any germs.

Excuses himself before AND after sneezing

Perhaps a raised finger/palm and a "pardon me" before, followed by an "excuse me" after.

No visible buildup, he'll just excuse himself, turn to the side, and inhale deeply before sneezing.

However, if he's been sneezing a lot in one day, whether due to sensitivities or even sickness, you'll see a slight crease in his eyebrows before he sneezes as the day goes on.

Speaking of sensitivities, he is VERY photic

Canonically prefers to stay inside as opposed to being out in the sun so 🥰😈

Sniffles A LOT following a sneeze.

Is acutely aware of all the sniffling and will apologize for it

To which those around him REALLY don't mind at all. They actually find it to be quite an endearing quality of his.

The ever so mighty and intimidating I/udex subject to all that sniffling, it's just 💙💙💙

Will leave a room just to blow his nose because he is LOUD lol

Will have a stuck sneeze every now and then, which especially occur when he's sick. When he is subject to this, he almost always has 3 false starts, then sneezes. Occasionally, there will be a 4th false start.

I love this man and could keep going forever, but will leave it at that for now lol.

#down bad is an understatement #I'm telling you guys #VERY normal about him lol #what can I say #distinguished elegant sumptuous #my favorite flavor of fictional men #g/enshin i/mpact #n/euvill/ette #sneeze kink

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awhalesrider · 1 year

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Our beloved V and her love

Players have been looking at the world from V's perspective. Valerie is the observer who brings our eyes. We see the story of many characters, but we have less opportunity to observe our girl. Perhaps it is easy to be less sensitive to many of her behaviors and emotions, since we have been long used to seeing those options as a means to serve the plot of the game. However, if we do not take it all for granted, but think deep inside the logic behind with some of our subjective initiative, we will realize that the johnny/v relationship from V's perspective may be a perfect example of "showing instead of telling".

Valerie seems to be more accustomed to show her love and care to others. She is the one always offering a helping hand in her established relationship. You can say this is a coincidence caused by the characteristics of the first-person RPG, but in any case, the result is that she is relatively more introverted in various relationships. She listens instead of telling. It's more like everyone needs her than she needs them [born to be a merc, don't you think?]. She listens to everyone's troubles and solves all kinds of problems, but she seldom easily shows her vulnerability until she has to. Even if she decides not to hide the sad truth from her friends, she rarely asks for support directly. What she says more is "It's okay." or "I feel better now. No worries." or "I've found a way. Hope it works". This is what I find most endearing and remarkable about our girl - the main storyline is her plight. She is dying. Her life is counting down. She is the one who needs help. But beyond that, dozens of side jobs are basically about her pulling others out of the shadows, out of the mire, and into a new life. Imagine a patient with terminal cancer who is still doing psychological therapy for others, and you will find that she is so strong and brave, and so good at pretending; that she can even fool the group of strangers behind the screen who think they know her best. The new legend in NC that we knew doesn't even know how to escape the scythe of death.

This is where it gets interesting. With Valerie, we visited Judy's hometown flooded by the reservoir. We met the family members who are dependent on River. We understand the past of Panam and Aldecados. And we know very well the years of light and gloom of Kerry.

The problem is, we don't know much about V. We have only a one-sided perception of her life. Again, you can say that this is the beauty of first-person RPGs! Leaving enough room for the player's imagination! We can totally make up our story for our V. But the objective truth is that our knowledge of V's memory in the game is from the prologue and some seperated side jobs about her background (i.e., street kid/corpo/nomad). In addition, what we get is only fragments of her childhood that she dictated to herself, and Johnny's words.

Yes. Johnny's words describing the first half of V's life.

The man is the closest obeserver of V.

V: "Sure seem to know a lot about my past."

Johnny:"Well, seen flashes of your past, just like you've seen flashes of mine."

That's what makes their relationship so special. Valerie rarely reveals her past voluntarily and shows her thoughts, but whether she wants it or not, she has a partner who shares these secrets with her and is as close to her as her sense of self. I have to mention her time with the joytoys in the clouds that connects her subconscious. In fact, if we talk to the end, we will find that it is very much like a simple conversation she had with Johnny back in the Tapeworm. Angel and the Sky have slightly different lines, but they both end with the phrase "If you must kill, kill. If you must burn all the world to the ground, then let it burn.", I don't think this is an echo without any particular purposes.

So for Valerie, the relationship with Johnny is different from her other intimate relationships. In the dialogue with Johnny we can see Valerie releasing her various emotions to the greatest extent possible. She rarely comes across as the strong and reliable merc who seems to be powerful and always makes people feel safe. On the contrary, in Tapeworm and Chippin' In, we can see V show her vulnerability and sensitivity while changing Johnny. She often expresses her confusion and anger. She no longer says "I found a way". She asks "what do you want". She can be confused, fearful of death, and greedy for life. she becomes a resentful and incomprehensible about the city and her fate. She becomes an ordinary young person, resentful and uncomprehending about the city and her fate. Johnny knows her past like he knows the back of his hand. He knows everything she cares about most and the root of all her fears. He listens to her, understands her and even stubbornly decides to save her. He keeps asking her forcefully to accept his help and reminds her after the meaningful concert that "Kerry's got his life back. Whereas we should be worryin' about how to get yours back". So Mr. Pondsmith, the original author of the board game, is right in saying that because of Johnny's presence, V was cushioned before she had a nervous breakdown and became a cyber psychopath.

Such companionship and closeness would be like painkillers. Perhaps V is unconscious to herself, but she has developed dependence long before she realizes. Her subconscious habit of defending him would have been able to show her subtle preference. Before she knew it, Johnny was already a source of security. No matter how much she usually argued with him and said she didn't want to hear him anymore, her subconscious was looking for him at the most fearful and uncomfortable times.

When V first accessed the cyberspace in the Pacifica with the Voodoo Boys, she uneasily seeked confirmation from Johnny as she stepped into the biting cold water. And before she had a near-death experience of that time of unconsciousness, she fell to the ground and called out Johnny's name, saying in her mind that she was going to die, until he held her wrist and said she ain't dying yet cuz he got her. It is said that people are most honest when they are dying. Did Valerie find her true feelings about him at that time? Did she realize that she only wanted to rely on this pure solace of the heart, despite all the friends she had met, despite knowing that Johnny could not technically and literally offer her a hand in the material world?

Maybe that's why she gave that answer when Johnny asked her if she would take a bullet for him.

The Johnny in her head is just a mass of data, a phantom, and a copy of the engram. Everyone including Johnny knows this, and Valerie reminds herself of this fact from time to time, but she still believes in the end that he is a part of her soul, a comrade who will accompany her to the end. The kitten (Nibbles) they picked up together was real, the tattoos he left on her arm were real, and so were his dog tags and his promises.

Valerie's desire to live is so strong, but in the most ideal development path of the plot, even if she had to endure the suffer because of the RELIC, she didn't even take much of tablet to block him out until the final rooftop choice. Could it be that she would rather endure physical pain than experience sudden loneliness and isolation on a spiritual level? She emphasizes her control over her body, yet she swallows Endotrizine for him again and again to fulfill his last wish when she knows she is getting closer to death. Why could she trust a man who was destined to take her life? Why can you trust someone who has shown all his "previous conviction" to her, someone she knows is a jerk in the past?

Only Valerie knows why.

In the deleted dialogue, Hellman says that she, letting Johnny control her body, is like a young girl in love and doesn't care anything else (I dont know the original lines in English but I do see the line in the Chinese ver voice package). In the end of the secret ending, Rogue said that Johnny must have made a pretty big impression on V for getting on board. The truth is it's hard for an outsider to really understand what it's like to have someone so close in spirit.

It's never the same thing as "Let's try. We can break up if it doesn't work out". Once that "you're in me, and I'm in you" state is confirmed, she can't get out of it - unless she denies herself. As long as she can't let go of herself, she can't let go of him. She's willing to give to him as much as she's willing to give to herself.

So even at the end of the six months Valerie has left to live, she will feel that she can't hear him anymore and can't see him anymore, but she will never lose him. There will always be a part of her soul that belongs to him. Maybe she will listen to his songs, holding all the traces of him left behind and missing him without a word, because no one can understand.

She will only tell them that she just got used to him.

#silverv #johnny silverhand #female v #johnny x v #johnny silverhand x v #cyberpunk2077 #cp2077 #cp77 #some meta stuff #just some personal understandings #I love this ship #OTP silverv

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manicpixxiedreambitch · 3 months

Text

When I was eleven, my fifth grade teacher was ableist to me, not that I believe he was doing it intentionally. But he knew I had ADHD and got mad at me when I showed symptoms. He called me lazy and disobedient. He told me not to use my ADHD as an “excuse to be lazy”. He nicknamed me energizer bunny because I was showing symptoms like talking too much, going too fast, etc. One moment that stuck with me the worst though was when he pulled me into the hallway and towered over me (this part might be a little biased though, seeing as he was a grown adult and I was a small child) and he yelled at me, threatening to fail me.

For doodling on my papers. Said that even if all my work was done correctly on the assignment, if I doodled on my paper he would fail me.

And so I cried because what else was I supposed to do? I was eleven. And looking back, I know now that the doodling was a compulsive thing I did to help myself focus.

But when he saw the tears he just yelled “I don’t care if you cry!”

And I remember saying in a small voice “I know.”

I stopped doodling so much on my papers after that. Sure, I’ve drawn the occasional flower or eyeball on my papers, but not as wildly, not as freely as I used to do as a child. He engraved that fear of failing in me so bad that for years I was terrified of doodling on my papers.

Now I am in my senior year in high school. My last semester. And I just realized, that he can’t hurt me anymore. He can’t fail me. And because I’m starting a new chapter in my life, I want closure on something that hurt me for years. So last night, I sat down, and I respectfully wrote the teacher a four page letter. First I explained who I was. How I knew him. And then I apologized, and explained that this was probably not the kind of letter he was expecting. How I was writing the letter for closure. I let him know I do not hate him, and that I do not expect a response, nor do I want him to feel any guilt as a result. The letters main purpose was for him to know he hurt me.

I explained that I understand that a lot of my childhood actions had deserving consequences, however I did not deserve to be treated the way I was in his class. I told him how I was being bullied a lot, and had no friends at the time. I told him how I had ADHD, and how the way he treated me for showing symptoms was wrong. I said I felt like an alien, and I was treated like one. I brought up the nickname he gave me, how to this day I hate it. I wrote about that horrible day in the hallway, how it was from my perspective and how what he said stuck with me. How I did not realize teachers could be bullies until I entered his class. I stated that I did not deserve that. I was a child. How I am not being sensitive or a “snowflake”. How I am not saying he should have let me get away with doing anything I wanted, but he could’ve handled me as a student a little better. That my teacher was supposed to help me swim, not scold me for drowning. I was not a bad kid. I was a troubled kid. And yeah, I know you can’t help everyone, but it still hurt me.

And then I explained once again that I was sorry that this wasn’t the kind of letter he expected to receive from a former student. That perhaps to another student he might have been Mr. Falker, but not to me.

I am not lazy, I am not willfully disobedient, I am a human being. I have a human voice, and human emotions. And he did not treat me as such that day in the hallway, or when I was in his class. How the phrase “I don’t care if you cry” will forever sting at me any time I am upset.

I told him that I am in my senior year in high school. I am looking into a career in the field of art. And I write books, I am an author. And unfortunately, I can give no credit to that man for these accomplishments.

And after I finished writing the letter, I started doodling all over the margins. It was uncomfortable at first, it felt like I had artists block for doodling. But then I remembered all of the doodles I used to draw all those years ago, and I started doodling more. And as soon as most of the margins were covered, I know this sounds dramatic, but I swear I heard my fifth grade self laughing. She was saying “You’re gonna get in trouble! He’s gonna fail you!” And I was hit with the most sobering thought. “He’s not.”

#childhood #childhood trauma #fifth grade #doodlings #inner child

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