#i was just so shocked

[meatcute]

thinking about how my client from last job said something so disgustingly racist and creepy and i just completely allowed that to happen

#screaming nightmare era #i was just so shocked

[kendall-coded]

just went down the wormhole of a popular romance author’s socials and clicked the link to her ao3 page only to find out that she writes some quite damning straight omegaverse fanfiction. and honestly, good for her.

#reece rambles #i was just so shocked #it was like i got tased LMFAO #but you know. i am passing no judgement. i wish i was her.

[ruporas]

your love returns in tragedy (ID in alt)

#farcille #falin touden #marcille donato #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #coming face to face with the consequences of acting out of love - marcille u will always be famous #dunmeshi is really a series that keeps on moving bc it's about so many different characters and centered on the journey #rather than like... introspectively on one singular individual so i dont think we see marcille dwell on it but we can see her fatigue #her shock and surprise in the recent ep “don't hurt her she's just confused” Gah. desperately trying to grasp everything thats going on and #not to lose hope. bc undoubtedly the remains she put together was falin's - that short moment of reprieve the party had was with falin #she was able to bring her back her magic did it!! but the violence the fatal swings was not falin at all. #just pondering about holding that guilt... it's such a huge responsibility to be in charge of life in the first place and yet it is #a burden she'll keep trudging with. defying the natural orders to keep the people she love alive... i Lauv her... #also shared sentiment with the rest of the fandom but God. Chimera Falin... she is Everything.... #ruporas art

[ghostbsuter]

He'd been flying above Metropolis.

Like a good ghost! Doing nothing but relax! Enjoying the weather, really.

It was so cool, Superman came up to him, they talked even! Superman was very, very, uncomfortable when Danny mentioned he was kinda dead.

It was really awesome.

Yeah, the keypoint being was.

Now? Now he is in Superman's arms, very much alive after being hit by a stray beam from Lex Luthors newest invention, quite literally hit from the sky when he didn't expect it and out of f reflex turned back human.

"I'm... alive?" He jokes weakly, smiling awkwardly at Superman's stare.

Danny considered this awkward.

Clark was processing the fact Lex Luthor somehow managed to bring back someone from death, his hands now full of said miracle and—

Shit, does the kid even have family left? What's he going to tell Lois!?

#dcxdp #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #writing prompt #fic prompt #dc x dp prompt #dc x dp #dp x dc #dp x dc prompt #Superman is so flabbergasted #superman has no idea whats going on #superman is just tired man #danny has no idea whats going on #theyre both so shocked #superman is wondering if he just became a father #danny is figuring out how to get out of thia situation #clark: i know this is scary! but now you have a new chance at life! would you like to stay with me and my wife? :') #danny: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

[deadmomjokes]

PSA: tomatoes are not spicy. Tomatoes and tomato products should not be spicy. Pizza sauce isn't inherently spicy. Tomato-based pasta sauce is not spicy. Ketchup is NOT spicy.

If tomatoes are spicy, you have an allergy to tomatoes.

This announcement brought to you by my almost 29-year-old husband learning for the first time in his 2.8 decades of putting food products into his mouth that spaghetti and saucy pizza aren't spicy foods

#his amazement at our daughter eating spaghetti willingly #when apparently he's been suffering in silence over there his whole life #and i'm like ???? #and he's like ''you didn't make this spicy?'' #NO #NO I DID NOT #and he just blue screens for a minute #and i'm like YOU THINK SPAGHETTI IS SPICY??? #and he's all ''yeah that's why i prefer we don't have it very often'' #the absolute SHOCK i tell you #turns out he hates ketchup because it's spicy and he never understood why people wanted to dip fries in spicy sauce #i was like ''DUDE ketchup is supposed to be sweet and maybe a touch tangy but also cool and refreshing'' #and he's like ''SWEET?????'' #so uh yeah turns out dude's allergic to tomatoes and he just assumed everyone had a way higher spice tolerance than him #cuz he can find ''non spicy'' food too hot #and it's just all tomato based stuff and we never thought to connect the dots #mild salsa? too spicy. IT'S THE TOMATOES. #tacos? too spicy even at baby heat levels. IT'S THE TOMATOES. #prefers alfredo to marinara despite alfredo having objectively more pepper in it than marinara #he thought his spice tolerance was just so wimpy that my 'normal' was too spicy for him #so he's just been dealing with 1-3 meals a week being spicy to him our entire marriage WITHOUT SAYING A WORD #because he didn't want to offend me with his wimpy palate #IT'S THE TOMATOES #it's always been the gosh darn tomatoes

[jellybeanium124]

Hey. Gentiles. Listen up for a sec.

When September and October are nearing and you’re planning an event: google “Rosh Hashanah *year*” and *Yom Kippur *year*” and then, and I cannot stress this enough, don’t plan your event on those days. In fact, don’t plan any events starting sundown the night before. Those are the three most important days of the Jewish calendar, and, once again, I cannot stress enough how much this little bit of forethought and kindness will make every Jew you know cry tears of joy.

#shoutout to my 12th grade english teacher who just let everyone work on college apps while I was out on the high holy days #rather than conducting class like normal and giving me makeup work #I was so incredibly shocked at his kindness and he will have my heart forever #judaism #nina rambles #rosh hashanah #yom kippur #high holy days #high holidays #jewish

[vsloppypup]

Had an actual mother flirt with me at work and like, ma'am!? Your son is right there?

#dumb #vsloppy #apparently i attract milfs now??? #okkkk? #i was just so shocked #like i get compliments not super irregularly #but actual flirting from a customer with her 8 year old son right there? #w i l d

[tranny-man]

I think some queer people struggle to realize not everyone is public with their identity like I've had remind my irl queer friends so many times not to tell people about my identity without my permission

"Oh I know them, they're cool with it."

Awesome I still didn't want you to tell them

"You don't need to be ashamed"

I'm not ashamed I just want you to ask me first

"They probably would have realized anyway"

Cool you couldnt possibly know plus its still not your place to tell them

Like I'm a private person and I don't want strangers to know personal stuff about me if I didn't tell them myself

It's not that I'm in the closet but I still would like to be in control of how I come out to people

Besides it hasn't always been safe for me to be out in the past

#upper middle class white queers are the worse with this #i was so shocked when my college queer friends would just out me to their friends and #im like hello??? they dont even know my major yet why do they know my sexuality??

[myrkulitescourge]

the way that one line from the new epilogue in an astarion romance is going to HAUNT me

just. what a profoundly intense thing to confess to someone.

like, just these six months of newfound happiness with you exerts a force on his heart equal and in direct opposition to two centuries of endless torment, the gnawing hunger and exploitation. this flashbulb-bright fraction of his long life holds the same gravity to him as years upon years of darkness and suffering.

in all likelihood, he hasn’t even known his lover for as long as his worst memory lasted, that year sealed away to go mad from starvation and sensory deprivation, yet he still tells them this brief time has been so fundamentally and powerfully important that the weight of even that unimaginable hell is vanishingly small compared to this present he has now and the future ahead of them both.

how am i supposed to act normal about this.

#i need to lay down #just drop this in there right at the beginning why not! #that’s INTENSE. and completely sincere considering his demeanor at the party. god #he’s so… nice. in the romanced epilogue. i expected him to be a little smug and jokey #if tav told him the others weren’t doing so hot without the two of them around #but he takes it so genuinely and with visible disappointment?? literally shocked me #i thought he would say oh of course their lives have taken a turn without our impressive leadership lol! #and then redirect into something a little less flippant #but man. he just gets sad. astarion six months into a loving relationship is like a stray cat that instantly gets cuddly when you adopt it #dude went cotton candy marshmallow saccharine sweet in a HEARTBEAT #bless the others with your presence he says. i’ll always be here he says. we have forever after all he says. #head in my hands. how could they do this to me #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3 #astarion #bg3 epilogue spoilers #bg3 spoilers #baldur’s gate 3 spoilers #bg3

[undertheredhood]

any dc character: *confessing something about their past they kept hidden out of fear/shame*

their batfam bff who had already known for a while and is now desperately trying to hide that they knew the truth this entire time: “oh, wow! that is so crazy, i am so sorry you had to go through that.”

#batman #batfamily #batfam #batfamily shenanigans #batfamily headcanons #they’re just trying hard to pretend they didn’t do a full background check right after meeting their teammate/friend #they get the paranoia from their dad #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #barbara gordon #tim drake #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #duke thomas #damian wayne #being adopted by a furry is fun until you inherit all of his trust issues #at least he’s rich though! #random dc character: my parent is a villain and i became a hero to stop them! #batfam character: oh wow i am so shocked right now

[dazais-crab-addiction]

Tonight I learned that my 20 yr old partner has never played chess and doesn't know how to play chess. This is mind boggling to me. They claim its not weird for people to not know anything about chess so I. I need to see. Please.

Okay so, I made a mistake in not elaborating the meaning of the options. You do not have to be good or know what you are doing in the slightest to pick that you have played before. The middle three options are for your understanding of the game having never played it at all. The reason there's a percentage on the last option is because my partner made a tumblr so they could pick it because they think they are hilarious.

#crab says words #chess #tumblr polls #i learned how to play in elementary school and so did all my siblings #i use to play chess with random people constantly in highschool #im really bad at chess but its still fun to play ya know #i just am so shocked they literally knew nothing other than “the horses can move in an L shape” #i taught them how to play and made then play with me so dont worry i fixed the situation 😌 #pls reblog this 🥺 #i take it back!! my notifications will never recover!!! pls stop reblogging this!!!!!!

[ghostdrinkssoup]

nbc hannibal is a romcom purely because the central conflict results from hannibal not understanding his feelings for will and being a total loser about it because he’s never had a friend or been in love before which makes him act so silly and do the most insane things that will interprets being framed for murder as hannibal having something against him (as anyone would), and this series of misunderstandings is not resolved until hannibal’s ex girlfriend and former psychiatrist tells will that hannibal is so in love with him it makes him look stupid. after that will does not hesitate to break hannibal out of jail and douse himself in blood which is this show’s equivalent to the protagonist running to the airport to stop their love interest from leaving the country and marrying someone else before they’ve had the chance to confess that they’ve loved them ever since they’ve known them

#s1 from hannibal’s pov is the funniest shit ever he’s like I think I want a friend… I’ve never felt like this before… #I guess ​the only way to deal with this is to set his brain on fire #and then is shocked when will tells him the light of friendship won’t reach them for a million years #and spends the rest of the show trying to communicate how he feels without EVER SAYING ANYTHING DIRECTLY #the only way to do the miscommunication trope right #hannibal is literally just some guy and he’s so emotionally constipated he can’t even ask a guy out #zero swag and zero rizz but he still somehow gets will in the end #the show is a romcom !! #nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham #hannigram #ghost speaks

[egophiliac]

so excited for Kalim to save the day by swiper-no-swiping this dip. you can do it! I believe in you!

god I hope this reads properly

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #stage in playful land #stage in playfulland #i feel like kalim and the marshmallow test operates under roger rabbit rules #whether he passes or fails depends on which option is funniest at the time #anyway HEY things are finally actually happening! #so glad fellow agrees with me there #did he even expect them to make it to the show. did he very quickly have to choreograph a poppy little dance number. #honestly in retrospect i am also shocked that they lasted as long as they did #i mean. floyd is there. c'mon. #speaking of which i did really enjoy floyd going BYE JADE! MAYBE I'LL COME BACK TO SAVE YOU LATER IF I FEEL LIKE IT! #revenge for the popcorn #sorry if this is nonsensical! somehow it became like 4 am while i wasn't looking #i am super digging the evil theme park shenanigans (now that they're actually happening) #it's just Very Late!

[latimeria-fell-from-heaven]

can’t believe that the FNAF movie single-handedly multiplied and reawakened the thirst and everyone’s crushes on josh hutcherson. bro played the part of a traumatized pathetic man so good that now we all collectively want him.

#lati speaks #fnaf movie #fnaf #josh hutcherson #mike schmidt #lmao bro is gonna be in for a shock once he sees how many people want to bone him #bless josh's heart he’s such a sweet dude <33 #it’s ALWAYS the loser pathetic men that are the sexiest and most fuckable #i had a crush on him ever since zathura and journey so now i'm just loosing my shit even more for this man <33

[hussyknee]

my disabled ass, after (1)good day: "obviously I am cured. in fact it may have all been in my head. who can say? now to rejoin society!"

me, the next day: "it has come to my attention that i may be chronically ill."

#who'd have thunk #we're all shocked i know #i forced myself to go to supermarket and ended up clinging to the shopping cart to stay upright #took two hours to stop shaking from exertion #then immediately corralled the cat to tend to his rash #mfer struggles and protests until he realizes all over again that it feels quite nice actually #and then goes deadweight and purrs *while* warbling mournfully #presumably just on principle #but it's all still more spoons than I can spare #i need to take him to the vet for his follow up in a bit #so fucking drained #send thoughts and prayers #ugh #chronic illness #spoonie #disability #knee of huss

[hailsatanacab]

A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

#dpxdc #batpham #i forget - can we tag the parent fandoms? w/e #immediately alfred's like: while i do appreciate your initiative may i suggest it wait until after dinner? #and danny - who has barely eaten proper homecooked food ever - takes one bite and then absolutely wolfs down the whole lot #after he's finished he's like 'bear with - I've got to add that to the 'Reasons I Would Like to Live Here' section' #danny's powerpoint has tailored sections for each batfam member with lists of reasons why they'd get along #my au thoughts on this is that the fentons disowned danny when he told them he was phantom #and that this is after the ultimate enemy - wherein which he allied himself with the JL to fight against dan #(which didnt really work at all - BUT he knows some of their identities now INCLUDING batman's) #so one of the main reasons why he'd be a great fit is that he knows their vigilante status anyway so they don’t need to worry about secrets #dick just turns to tim like 'he’s your friend. he learnt this from you.' #tim: 'i didn't tell him our identities!! i would never!!' #dick: 'no i know that. it's the stalker tendancies. it's baby tim all over again' #tim: scandalised gasp #they all eat dinner in silence just super subdued and in shock and sending glances to bruce and danny #duke like: 'so i know I'm the last one in the family but like... this isn't how it normally happens right? did any of you make powerpoints? #tim gets all shifty because he absolutely did make a powerpoint he just never actually showed it to anyone #everyone stares at tim because they all know. it was in one of bab's blackmail files she has on him #damian's slide has danny offering to throw down at any time. 'tim says you like to prove yourself with your skills? #how about a real challenge? if i beat you then you have to vote yes to adopting me!' #damian is in two minds about accepting because... 1) look at him damian could take danny in his sleep! but #2) on the off chance that he does win... damian does not want any more brothers #(he takes the bet and its a suprisingly fun fight - and while he'll never say this... he would vote yes even without the wager) #on one of danny's slides there's a picture of ellie: you'll also get my clone sister! two children for the price of one!! #uhhh.... thats it now - I've been having fun with this haha #spent all day with the 'ive lured you here under false pretences' 'danny i live here' line in my head haha #anyway enjoy!!!!!! this was fun #i wanna make these slides so bad