#i wasn't expecting that scene to impact me so badly

[laputaskies]

Friends, they say, are the family we select.

#final fantasy vii remake #final fantasy vii rebirth #rebirth spoilers #ffviir #tifa lockhart #aerith gainsborough #ff7r #my stuff* #ffedit #ffedits #I'm NOT okay rn #i wasn't expecting that scene to impact me so badly #tifa's reaction killed me #im crying rn

[votestaynight]

9th day - "NEO"/10th day - "skyscraper" (scene 1)

"―――Please, come."

I murmur as if praying. I don't care about my life. But only to stop the cause of this…. "No――I order you to come, SABER!!!!" With all my might, I call for my sword.

A Command Spell disappears. And at the same moment, a winding occurs in space.

It must have been sorcery. Because Saber in her silver armor shoots forth from it, as if breaking through the ripple in space.

"Gah…!" I fall to the ground on my back.

"Ah――ha, ah…!" My breath stops. My organs will explode from the impact. A few of my ribs must have broken or at least cracked.

"Ah――" But still. My body did not break apart, and my bloody arms are still attached.

"Shirou…!" …Saber runs toward me. Forcing my numb arms and legs, I manage to stand up to show her I'm all right.

"I don't have time to explain. You know the situation, right Saber?" "Hold on Shirou. I understand, but first, your body needs to――" "Please go get Rider. Only you can beat her."

"No, your treatment comes first. You will die like this." "――That's wrong. There's something that needs to be done before that." Forget about me, as we have to beat Shinji and Rider as quickly as possible. Nothing takes priority over that.

"But that's…" Saber is stubbornly worried about my body. …I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy about it. But we don't have time to argue. If Saber doesn't want to, I'll just have to use my second Command Spell.

"…!" My determination must have got through to her. Saber accepts my decision.

"I understand. Please give me an order, Master." "Defeat Rider. I'll get Shinji." There's no hesitation in Saber now. She nods silently and runs to the school building like the wind.

――I run up the stairs. Rider and Shinji are on the third floor. I can tell from the Command Spell's reaction that Shinji is still on the third floor.

The instant I get to the third floor, sparks fly out. "Rider…!?" I couldn't see it, but Saber must have seen Rider attacking from above and deflected her attack. "――Shirou, I will defeat Rider here. Please take care of Rider's Master…!"

She doesn't need to tell me. Saber won't be beaten by Rider. That's something I'm sure of from fighting Rider and knowing even a little about her power. Saber's power vastly exceeds that of Rider.

"I'll leave it to you…! But don't go too far. It'll all end if I stop Shinji…!" I pass Saber and run. Rider's dagger instantly comes to kill me, and Saber attacks to deflect it along with Rider――!

I run through the hallway. In front of me is Shinji, completely flustered. "…I guess I'm at a disadvantage barehanded――!" A long object that can serve as a weapon, like――the mop in this locker…!

"――Trace, on." I pass my magical energy through it as I run. Perhaps I don't have any other thoughts or I don't have enough energy to do anything else. But I "strengthen" the plastic mop as naturally as breathing.

The shadows move. Even though I'm hurt so badly, I don't feel any sluggishness in my body.

And on top of that, I have a weapon now. So…

I don't even need to dodge them now. I smack away all the shadows attacking me using the mop. The mop breaks, but that's to be expected from a weapon so hurriedly constructed. And besides, there's no need for anything like that when I'm this close.

"Shinji――!" "Hii――!"

I punch him straight on. My slashed arm hurts so much that it almost knocks me unconscious.

I punch Shinji in the stomach and drive him against the wall. "Guh, you…!" Shinji reaches out to fling my arms off. I kick his arms away without hesitation. ――Even I can't control myself. I take the arm that I kicked and ram it against the wall, and break it.

"Ah――iaaaaaaaaaaaaa…!!" I can't hear Shinji's scream too clearly.

"――" …Crap. I'll faint if I let my guard down. I have to hurry, while my body can still move――

"Hii…!" I grab Shinji's hair and push him up against the wall.

"――Scream later. Stop the boundary field right now, Shinji." "W-Who are you kidding. Who would listen to… your…" I take my other arm and grab his throat. Drips. The blood soaked into my clothes stains Shinji's body.

"Then I'll just kill you before the boundary field. I don't care which it is. Make up your mind quickly." I put power into the hand grabbing his throat. ――It must be because of the magical energy flowing through my body. I feel like I'd be able to break this neck.

"Ha――you're lying. You wouldn't be able to do that. A-And I haven't killed anyone yet. I just had everyone share their life with――" "――Okay. Bye, Shinji."

I tighten my grip. There's no hesitation. Just a little sympathy. It's because Shinji wasn't taught the basic rules of magi――that there's no problem with killing other magi.

"H-Hold on! Hold on, all right, I lose…! I'll stop the boundary field right now…!" "……" I loosen my grip on his throat.

"――Haa, haa, haa… damn it. …Hey, Rider! Stop your Bloodfort! Your Master's life's in danger…!" Shinji screams to Rider in the distance.

"―――――" There's no response from Rider. But Saber takes a step back from Rider with those words. Rider lowers her dagger and moves her lips slightly.

"…This is okay, right? I guess this boundary field is special, so it seems it's hard to reconstruct a boundary field somewhere she's already constructed one. …I won't make another boundary field here, so let go."

"Who would do that? Since I won, I'll have you obey me. ――Shinji, get rid of your Command Spells. Then we'll never have to fight again."

"What――don't be ridiculous, how can I do something like that!? I won't be able to control Rider if I lose my Command Spell. If that happens, I'll――"

"You won't be a Master anymore, right? So you can just go to the church in Shinto. It seems it's a place that shelters Masters who have dropped out of the battles. …Or what? Were you lying when you said you constructed this boundary field to protect yourself, and you actually constructed this to beat the other Masters?"

"…I didn't say that. I just thought that if I became a Master and worked with a Servant…" He thought he'd be able to be a magus? …But what would be the point even if he became one?

"――This is it, Shinji. If you won't get rid of your Command Spell, I'll have that arm cut off. I hear you'll lose your right to be a Master if that happens." "Huh…? Cut off my arm…?"

Shinji questions like it's a real mystery. He's not faking it. It seems he really doesn't understand what I'm saying.

"Well, it's――" "Shirou, get away…!" Saber's voice. Maybe it's the result of training at the dojo, but my body reacts to Saber's voice before my brain.

I let go of Shinji and jump back. And at the same time, Rider's dagger is swung through the space I used to occupy.

"R-Rider…!?" "Please stay back, Master. We shall retreat from here."

"Please stay back, Shirou…! Rider intends to release all the magical energy she was using to maintain the boundary field…!"

"…!? Release her magical energy…!?" Looking at Rider, she certainly seems strange. Like the way she appeared here instantly when she was confronting Saber, and the chill she's releasing… Her pressure is much stronger now.

"R-Rider…!? What are you thinking? Don't do selfish things when you can't even beat Emiya's Servant…!"

"Yes, I certainly cannot match Saber. But please be rest assured. My Noble Phantasm exceeds those of other Servants. No matter who the opponent is, they will not be able to stop my charge."

Rider raises her dagger. "What――?" Everyone here lets out a voice of surprise. For some reason, Rider takes her dagger to her neck and―― Slashes it in one breath.

…Fresh blood splatters around. Blood gushes out from the neck of the black-garbed Rider.

"W-What are you…" Even her Master, Shinji, is surprised at her actions. Even if Servants are beyond human, that wound is fatal. Rider will lose large amounts of blood and will just disappear.

"…!?" But that's just a needless worry for people who know nothing. The splattered blood stops in the air and slowly forms a circle.

It's a magic circle drawn in blood. A pattern I've never seen before. A creature-like figure that looks creepy. …A big lump of magical energy, created by Rider. The boundary field Rider was supporting until now seems small compared to this.

"What…!? M-My body's being pushed back――" The huge amount of magical energy must be leaking. My body is pushed back as if blown by a strong wind.

"Shirou, please get away…! Rider is about to use her Noble Phantasm. You will be in the way if you stand there…!" Saying so, Saber pulls my body away by force. Protecting me, Saber confronts Rider's magic circle.

"――Are you planning to run? If you will involve your Master in this as well, I will just defeat you here. I will not let you use that Noble Phantasm."

"…Fufu. Of course not. It is the role of a Servant to protect its Master. I am just going to run taking my Master with me. If you do not like that, come after us, Saber."

"Well――that is if you still have the will to fight after seeing this."

――I hear a throbbing. With a sound like flesh wrenching open, Rider's hair whirls up and――

"…!" "Shirou, please get down…!"

Dragged by Saber, I fall to the ground. A loud sound and a flash. I close my eyes at the raging wind. But even with my eyes closed, I'm forced to feel it. Something white passes by. I feel like something is blazing through the hallway with great speed like a giant arrow of light――

"―――――" When I raise my head, the scene in front of me is the remains of cruel destruction. Shinji and Rider have disappeared. …The light just now wasn't aimed at us, but was probably just to escape from here. "――――" My wounds hurt. The firing hammer that was pulled inside me is released. The heat flowing through me quickly fades away.

"Shirou…?" I can't hear Saber's questions anymore. In that manner, my consciousness falls into white darkness.

…I'm having that dream. Maybe this is the image of "death" for me. The closer I get to death, the more the scene that I don't want to see revives in my head.

A mountain of corpses. People crumbling away. A time when everyone wished for help, yet none received any. That was painful. It was so painful that even living was painful, and I even thought I would be at ease if I just disappeared.

With faint consciousness, I reached out for no reason. I didn't reach out seeking help. I just thought that the sky was a long way away. …In my last moments, that's what I thought.

And then, my mind faded away, and the raised hand fell to the ground. …No. It should have fallen to the ground.

A big hand grasped the falling hand. That person came into the fire to save anybody, and found me.

…I remember that face. A figure of a man, with tears welling in his eyes, delighted from the bottom of his heart that he has found someone alive. ――It was because he looked so happy… …I even thought that he was the one that was saved, not me.

So. Looking enviable even in my dying eyes, the man saved an unfamiliar child as if thanking something.

――That was the turning point. My weakness accepting death turned into the strength of a desire to live. The mind that could not think of anything was filled with joy of being saved. I moved my fingers with all my might, so as not to let go of the man's hand, and lost consciousness.

After that, I was in a hospital when I came to, and I received a visit from the man who saved me.

That was ten years ago. Since then, Emiya Shirou just chased after Kiritsugu. I could only think of becoming like him. Not because I was saved. It's just because I could not forget his face at that time, and I tried to acquire that illusion. I ran, aiming to be like that. Somewhere in my mind, I didn't want to realize.

That's right―――that one day… Hoping about how much I would be saved if I could smile the way Kiritsugu did back then――

"―――――" …When I open my eyes, I am in my familiar living room. The sound of the clock is awfully loud. I seem to be sleeping on the floor and when I raise my arms, both of them are wrapped up in bandages.

"――It's dark outside." I push myself up. The clock says it's already past 10PM.

"It's not 'it's dark outside', you ingrate. Isn't there something you should say when you wake up?" "――Tohsaka, I didn't know you were here."

"Don't say something like that. I was by your side nursing you all this time, and that's your attitude?" …I see. I've done something bad.

"Sorry. My head's still not working. I can't think straight, but… thanks. I owe you one again, Tohsaka."

"――! W-Well, it's fine since it's nothing important. You had such a bad wound, so I'm sure it's only natural for your mind to be hazy.

"…So, does it hurt anywhere? It seems the external wounds have already healed, but I can't tell about your insides. We have to heal the wounds if there's anything wrong, right?"

"――No. I just feel dull, it doesn't hurt anywhere. But――"

I feel like I'm floating in the air. I don't know how I came to be here. I can't even remember what I was doing toda――

"――! Tohsaka, how's the school!? What happened to me after that…!?"

"It's all right, you don't have to worry about them. Kirei went to follow-up on the school. He'll handle the repairs on the hallway and take care of the aftermath, so you don't have to think about it. He's a priest, so he'll get divine punishment if he doesn't at least do that."

"――Him? Then, the school's…" "It didn't end up as a serious matter. Many students were taken to the hospital, but none of their lives is in danger. Everyone's being treated for malnutrition, and they only have to stay there for a few days."

"――I see, that's…" Great. The boundary field was stopped late, but that didn't mean I was too late.

As soon as I relax, strength escapes my body. I take a deep breath and lean against the wall.

"…Then did Kotomine heal my body too? Even you can't heal such wounds, right?"

"What are you saying? You healed them yourself. It's just like with Berserker. Your ability to close your wounds is excessive… but you don't know anything about it, right?"

"Of course not. I don't understand at all either. I had a normal body until I made the contract with Saber."

"…Hmm. Maybe you just don't know, but could it be that one of your ancestors is a lizard?" "…Hey now. Don't make such scary jokes with a straight face. This feels weird for me too. It's kind of like my body isn't my body."

"I guess it's fine. Whatever the reason, you've survived because of it. You've been saved twice already, so I guess turning into a lizard is an acceptable bargain." "…Tohsaka. Do you enjoy making fun of a seriously injured person?"

"You mean someone who used to be seriously injured, right? Well, anyway, thank Saber. I don't know the reasoning behind it, but it's because of Saber that your body's like this."

"――Oh." That energizes my beaten-up mind. The thing I have to do now. There are words I need to say to her, asking for her help and being saved by her.

"Guh――" I get up quickly. Moving causes pain throughout my body, but I can't worry about that.

"Tohsaka, where's Saber?" "She's in the dojo. I'm going to my room to get some stuff." Tohsaka heads over to the outbuilding with light steps.

"Ouch…" My joints cry out in pain. I bear it by gritting my teeth and hurry to the dojo.

I arrive at the dojo. Saber is sitting Japanese-style by herself, as if meditating.

"Shirou…!? Are you awake!?" Saber notices me coming in, stands up, and comes to me instantly.

"Sorry. I just woke up. So, Saber…"

"It is not 'sorry'! I have many things I need to say to you…! You accepted a call from the enemy without me, you tried to fight by yourself, and you did not take care of your body…!

"Do you understand that all of those actions were foolish actions that would have been fatal!? No, you really were almost dead. What enjoyment are you getting out of causing me so much trouble…!?"

"Uh――well, um…" "What is it!? I will not back down because of lame excuses. I will totally hear you out today!"

Saber flares up at me. It's certainly an intense pressure, but seeing Saber being so emotional is rather pleasant.

"…I know. I'll tell you. So let's talk, Saber. My body is fine, as it appears."

"Eh… Shirou, you are healed?" "Yeah, I guess so. I'm alive for now." "I see――that is good."

Where did that threatening attitude go? Saber takes a relieved breath and smiles softly as if congratulating me on my safety.

"―――――" …That really makes me realize… I made her feel so uneasy that even the expressionless Saber made such a face. I wasn't relying on Saber. But still, she accepted me as the person to fight with.

"―――――!" …I was the stupid one. I didn't notice such pure trust. And I could not even give her the simple trust of letting her fight.

"Saber." I speak naturally. I can stare directly at the person I was so embarrassed to look at until now.

"…Yes? What is it, Shirou?" "――I'm sorry. I was being stupid." I bow my head.

"What… Shirou, please do not do such a thing. My previous expression was just a figure of speech. I was certainly angry, but there is no such need for you to apologize to me――" "There is. It's natural to apologize to you, as my partner. I'm sorry I let you worry. As long as I'm with you, I will never fight alone."

"――Shirou, that…" "Yeah. Saber, please lend me your strength. I can't beat the other Masters by myself. I need your help."

"…Then you will admit that your actions until now were a mistake? That it is my role to fight, and that you will devote yourself as backup as a Master?" "―――――"

…No, that's wrong. I am not mistaken in that regard. I still don't want to see Saber hurt. That's why I have forbidden her from fighting. …That was the only thing I had wrong. If I decided to fight with her, I should just have protected her with all my might―――――

"…No. I don't think I was mistaken. If you are going to protect me, I'll protect you too. I can't let you fight alone." "―――――" …Saber doesn't respond. Cold air flows through the dojo.

"―――――" …But this is one thing that I cannot give up. I raise my head, thinking that I'll just need to beg her until she accepts it.

And then… "…Sigh. That obstinate personality is just like you." "Huh…? Um, Saber?"

"Honestly, there is no need to answer now. I am your sword. Who else but me will be your help, Shirou?" Saying that, Saber puts out her left hand.

"―――――" With no sensible words coming to mind, I silently shake her hand. …A certain feeling of a handshake. A few days after we met, we finally exchange a real contract.

"…? Why are you two shaking hands?" Hey. Why do you have to show up with such timing…!?

"――!" We release our hands quickly. "…? You guys are acting weird. Could it be that you two were having a secret conference?"

"No, that is not true. I was merely taking his pulse to check if Master's body was okay." "――" I'm dumbfounded. Saber is offering a really suspicious lie. …No, before that, why is Saber panicking too?

"Oh. You sure take his pulse in a strange way." Tohsaka looks at Saber curiously. Perhaps because she's not accustomed to lying, Saber starts to act even more suspiciously. …I have to help her or we might end up in an even worse situation.

"Hey, what do you want? Didn't you say you were going to your room to get something?" "Oh, yeah. Here Saber, this is it." "Thank you. I am sorry for the trouble, Rin."

Tohsaka gives Saber a bag. …Saber takes it with a happy expression.

"That's the last set, so be careful. Even if it was an enforced summoning, your clothes will scatter if you arm yourself by force." "I am sorry. It was so sudden, I did not think that far ahead. But I am glad you had the same clothes."

"Yeah. It's a simple design like a uniform. That Kirei, forcing me to wear these plain clothes. …Well, it's fine since those clothes don't look good on me. Why are you so concerned with them anyway, Saber?"

"――Shirou said they look good on me."

…Okay. I don't understand the situation too well, but it seems that's the third set of clothes for Saber. We don't have any women's clothes here, so that means Saber is borrowing clothes from Tohsaka.

"……" But, um… I'd prefer it if you two did your girl talk elsewhere. I'm a guy too. We were having a serious conversation, but if you talk about this sort of thing, I can't help but feel let down――

Nothing much happens after that and Saber and Tohsaka force me to sleep.

Even though I regained consciousness, my body is still badly injured. My arms were cut up by Rider so badly that I would normally have had to cut them off at my elbows, and my body is filled with cracks and strains from falling from the third floor. I guess they share the opinion that I should sleep and rest for now, even though there are lots of things to think about.

"……" But I have to settle things as quickly as possible with Shinji. Shinji activated that boundary field without hesitation. Even I know how dangerous it is to let such a Master roam freely.

"…Dammit… This is no… time… to… be… sleeping…" Emptiness like dizziness. …Only my mind is back to normal. As soon as I lay down, my body demands sleep as it's still not fully healed.

"…Tomorrow… tomorrow, I'll――" …I can't rest like this. Even if my body isn't fully healed, I have to go and find Shinji――

I'm having a bad dream.

My injured body wants to sleep deeply to get as much rest as it can. But my mind is still buried in that scene, and I can't fall into a deep sleep. My still-injured body is burning, and my mind that cannot mourn enough is still burning too.

I might be having a nightmare. As I doze, I see a dream in my unclear mind.

…How many victims were there? Tohsaka said nobody died, but that is only from the outside. Having had their life sucked out by force, there will certainly be after-effects. Long-term physical disabilities and mental damage from lack of oxygen. There were even students that had their skin melted. That scar is something that will stay with them for the rest of their lives even if it heals.

…My body hurts. My almost dead――no, my absolutely dead body convulses. It was unfortunate for everyone involved, but you still did well. You were able to stop the disaster in exchange for a wound you would normally die from. So there is nothing to mourn or to be ashamed of. The pain tells me to quietly fall asleep for now.

No. I can't deceive myself with such reasoning.

It makes no difference to the fact that the disaster occurred while I was there, but I couldn't do anything. I say I saved lives, but… …At the same time, I couldn't save anybody. If that was just a mistake, if it had never happened――I bet my mind and my body could go to sleep peacefully.

…I'm pissed off. It's ridiculous for my mind to grumble about such a thing.

There are no miracles like that.

It's a great insult to want to go back and redo things, just because I think they're inconvenient and disastrous. It's impossible to take something that has already happened and make it so that it "didn't happen". It's impossible, and more importantly, it shouldn't be done.

…That's why I can't pretend the event didn't happen. There's only one thing I can do――if I hate the scene I still see even now. I should just act to prevent it from ever happening again.

Sleep ends here. My body comes later. If my body moves, get up and run. If no one getting hurt is the ideal I aim for, I should do so until the point of my death――

I open my eyes. I take a deep breath and draw air into my lungs.

"――Phew." The cold winter air takes away my drowsiness and uneasiness. Habit is a great thing. It's only a bit past six o'clock. Maybe my body has healed quite well already as I'm awake at my usual time.

"――All right. I get up and fold up the futon. During that normal action…. A sharp pain runs through my left arm as if there's a crack in my bone.

"…! Well, of course. There's no way it would be healed already." But all that's left is this pain. It's much better than when I got my stomach slashed by Berserker a few days ago. At that time, my body was so weak that the nausea was worse than the pain.

I go out into the hallway. The sunlight is gloomy and offers no energy. The weather is very cloudy like it's going to rain.

"Shirou, you have awakened…?" "Yeah, I just woke up. You're up early today. You're usually asleep at this time." Yeah, it's unusual for Saber to be awake before breakfast is ready.

"…Shirou. I am not sleeping because I want to. I think I have told you already that I am sleeping until breakfast to save my magical energy. Um, I wish you would not make it sound like I am always sleeping in."

"…? Why? I didn't intend to make it sound like that. I was just wondering if it was okay for you to wake up this early." "…Oh, I see. So you are saying it is strange for me to wake up early?"

Saber sounds cranky. …Is it just me? It seems Saber is stricter today, or should I say she's unreserved?

"No, not strange, but I'm wondering if it's all right. It's my fault that you have to sleep a lot, right? I know that, so shouldn't you be sleeping until I call for you?"

"Of course. But that is only when I am on standby. I was sleeping in anticipation of an emergency. I do not think it is logical for me to sleep in this situation."

"…? Why isn't it logical? We're not fighting anyone, nor is anyone attacking us right now." "Eh… no, I mean, that is…" Saber is unclear as if there's something she doesn't want to say.

"Oh well. It's not an emergency right now, so you should sleep until we head out. I'll come and get you when breakfast's ready, so save your powers until then. I'm going to need your powers all day." I head towards the kitchen.

"――Hold on, Shirou." "…? What, is there something else――"

"I cannot ignore what you have just said. What did you just say you are going to do?"

"―――――" I gasp without realizing. Even though she's asking me a question, Saber glares at me as if not letting me answer.

"Your body should rest first. Rin will prepare breakfast. What you should be doing is resting in your room and healing your body. I will not let you claim you do not understand this fact."

"…Saber." Saber sounds strict because she's concerned about my body.

"Please return to your room, Shirou. You are the one who needs sleep." …She might be able to read my mind as she glares at me even harder. But still――I can't let Shinji go.

"No, I won't go back to my room. I'm already well rested, and there's something we have to do. Let's go out into town when we're ready, Saber, we have to find Shinji before the day is over."

"Why is that? There is no reason to find Rider's Master before the day is over. If we are going to fight, we should wait until your wounds have healed. It will not be too late then." "――That's wrong, Saber. If you're talking about importance, my body comes later."

"――" "We don't have any time. You should know what Shinji will do. I'm going to separate him from Rider before he puts up another boundary field like that. He won't be able to do anything without a Servant."

"…So you are saying you do not want victims like yesterday. You are fighting for that reason, and not to defeat Rider's Master?"

"That's not true. I'll have Shinji take responsibility. It's just that we need to defeat Rider for that. And anyway, it's only natural to act to prevent any victims. That's something that comes way before the reason to fight."

"…I see. If my Master says so, I will only obey." Saber shuts her mouth.

"Look for Shinji…? I don't mind, but you're saying this because you have some chance of winning, right?"

After breakfast. Tohsaka reacts as soon as I declare that I can't let Shinji go.

"Huh…? You mean a chance of winning against Shinji…?" "Yeah. I'll warn you, but if you tell me you were going to go after a Master without any hope of winning, I'll laugh at you."

"Ah… hm." …Dammit. Now that she says that, I've only thought about stopping Shinji and never about how to do so.

"…Whoa. Are you serious, Emiya-kun?" "Ugh――sorry, laugh at me if you want." "…Whoa. Sorry, but that joke isn't funny at all."

…Ugh. If she reacts like that, she'll make me realize how stupid I am.

"Saber. Your Master's like this, but what about you? You don't have any objection to fighting Rider?"

"There should be no problem if I am only to fight against Rider. I have already gauged her ability. I believe Shirou knows as well. He has actually faced Rider himself after all."

"Oh yeah. So Shirou knows how strong she is as well?" Tohsaka inquires with her eyes. She must be asking about Rider's strength.

Certainly, I have a grasp of it. I don't know if it's because I have a contract with a Servant or because of my Command Spell. But even though she's not my Servant, if I see her fight, I can put numbers to her abilities. Rider herself wasn't a superior Servant.

"Rider isn't as strong as Saber. I don't think she'll win, fighting one-on-one."

"I see. Then you do have a chance of winning. Shinji isn't a magus, so Rider won't receive support from her Master. Inevitably, the fight will be an one-on-one with Saber and Rider."

"……" Just like Tohsaka says. As long as Shinji is her Master, Rider has to fight by herself. There should be no disadvantage for Saber――

"Why that grave face? Are there any other problems?"

"…Yeah. Look, Tohsaka. Even though Rider was cornered by Saber, who was far superior, she was able to escape with Shinji. I think it was Rider's Noble Phantasm……"

The arrow of light that trampled through the hallway. A wave of destruction, that would have surely disintegrated my body without trace if Saber didn't knock me aside. If that was Rider's secret move, we can't be optimistic even if Rider herself is weak. No, more than not being optimistic, I feel like we shouldn't even challenge her――

"…Hmm. So that means Rider is the type whose Noble Phantasm is superior to her own abilities."

"So, Saber. You should have been able to tell what Rider's Noble Phantasm was, right? You should have some idea since it was used right in front of you."

"…I am sorry. I was too concentrated on protecting Shirou, I was not able to tell what it was. If I had worried about such a thing, we would have been engulfed by it."

"Engulfed… what, is Rider's Noble Phantasm a projectile weapon?"

"It was something close to it. Its classification is close to the magic you use. It could not have been an anti-personnel Noble Phantasm, like my sword or Lancer's lance."

"It's even stranger if it's like my magic. Your magic resistance is godly. No magic in the present day can hurt you. If there is a magic even you have to avoid, that would be…"

"――Yes. Divine mysteries are nullified by even stronger ones. A divine mystery that can strike through my armor is what you people call 'sorcery' or a fantastic race with divinity." "Sorcery――are you saying Rider is a magus…!?"

"No, I did not feel so much magical energy from her. She is of class Rider. If there is a magus, it could only be Caster. I believe Rider's Noble Phantasm is something else."

Tohsaka gives a relieved sigh at Saber's answer. But I don't quite get it.

"Saber. Is your armor that strong? If you say only sorcery can go through it, then that would make Lancer's Gae Bolg a sorcery as well."

"Eh…? Yes, Lancer's Gae Bolg is certainly a 'curse' close to sorcery, but… Rin, could you please explain to Shirou?"

"Me? …Well, okay. So in short, you are misinterpreting that Saber can be only hurt using sorcery, right?"

"Uh, no… that's not exactly what I meant. I just thought it was amazing if the armor is that strong."

"Of course it's amazing. Not just Saber, but all the Servants are heroic spirits. There's the fact that they're spirits, but they can't be hurt by normal means. That's because Servants themselves are divine mysteries.

"The only ones that can physically hurt the Servants are other Servants, heroic spirits like them. So in other words, if a Servant was using it, even a paper knife could hurt Saber."

"…So that means Saber's armor isn't that strong against a Servant?"

"Yeah. But Saber herself is skilled in combat, so it is pretty much impossible to hurt her in a hand-to-hand combat. The remaining means would be attacking using magic from a distance, but since Saber has unbelievable magic resistance for a knight, she'll repel most magic."

"Curses like bad luck won't touch her, and direct intervention like shooting an arrow of magical energy is useless. So if one wishes to defeat Saber, one must fight her head on." "―――――"

Saber is listening quietly to Tohsaka's explanation. She probably is not interrupting because it's all true.

"Hey, that's cheating. They're attacking with magic because they can't beat her in combat, but if that magic is useless against her, what are they supposed to do? That's really unfair."

"Yup. But that doesn't mean Saber can never be defeated in combat, right? Berserker surpasses Saber in strength, and Lancer has his fatal lance in combat. As we were just saying, Rider too has a Noble Phantasm that can even kill Saber, so it doesn't mean Saber is perfect.

"There are ways for even us to defeat Saber. We just need to use magic that exceeds Saber's magic resistance, or use the weapon she uses and cut her neck while she's asleep. Servants' weapons are in spirit form like them, so they should be able to hurt them."

"…Hmm." It's a scary example, but I understand. ――Hold on, Tohsaka. You can't talk like that in front of Saber herself.

"I-I see. Then, it must be that Rider's Noble Phantasm is not especially strong, but that Saber went into defense because it was an attack from a Servant?"

"Of course not. If Saber concentrated on defense, Rider herself couldn't do anything to finish Saber. If Rider herself isn't a superior heroic spirit, the Noble Phantasm she uses won't be strong either. "Isn't that right, Saber? Rider's Noble Phantasm is unrelated to her ability, right?"

"Probably. I believe it is an automatic weapon that does not rely on Rider's skill or magical energy, or something that has an effect on the Noble Phantasm itself. Magic or a fantastic race. Either way, the thing released from that magic circle was overwhelming. I do not think any Servant would be able to survive if it received a direct blow."

"Really? How is it, level-wise?" "Putting it your way, I would say about an A+. It is just a speculation, so I cannot be certain."

"A+!? What is that!? That's almost at the level of sorcery…! Whoa, I'm surprised the school didn't get blown away if something like that was used."

"I believe it is not a Noble Phantasm that simply destroys. Perhaps it is a Noble Phantasm that has some other use."

"…I see. But that's a problem. According to Saber, it's beyond an A rank, and her immediate attack power might be the strongest of all the Servants."

"…Hmm. Well, it did seem like a Noble Phantasm superior in both attack and defense." Saber comments to Tohsaka, who goes into pondering.

"…?" What is it? Saber doesn't seem to be enjoying this conversation.

"…Saber? Is something Tohsaka said worrying you?" "Eh…? Um, no, that is not correct… yes, I believe it is inappropriate for a knight to inquire into who is the strongest…."

"…?" She's acting suspiciously. Saber mumbles on as if ashamed of what she's saying.

"…Oh well. But weren't you saying something weird earlier? Something about your and Lancer's weapons being anti-personnel Noble Phantasms?"

"Anti-personnel Noble Phantasm…? It means what it says. My 'Invisible Air' and Lancer's Gae Bolg are only weapons to defeat people. No matter how strong the magical energy or curse it wields, it does not go beyond the level of defeating other beings."

…Well, that is true. Saber's invisible sword is certainly an advantage in battle.

But that is only in the case of man versus man. There would be no difference in speed, even if you used an invisible sword to chop wood. Lancer's Gae Bolg is the same. Even with a cursed lance that will strike the heart, if the opponent is a rock or a house, it is no more than a strong lance.

"…I see, so that's why it's an anti-personnel Noble Phantasm. Then Rider's Noble Phantasm is――"

"I would say that it's an anti-army Noble Phantasm. Come to think of it, I heard from my father that there are Noble Phantasms specialized against others, and Noble Phantasms specialized against armies."

"To put it simply, the anti-personnel Noble Phantasms are guns with unlimited ammo, and the anti-army Noble Phantasms are one-time missiles. Rider's Noble Phantasm is powerful, but it's not a continuous Noble Phantasm like Saber's sword, which is always invisible."

"Wha――" Hold on. A gun would be no match for a missile. It's true that Saber's invisible sword is an awesome sword, but it'll be blown away before she could swing it against such a ridiculous Noble Phantasm――

"…So in short, if we're going to fight her, you're saying we should defeat Rider before she uses her Noble Phantasm?"

"I would think so. You'll have no chance of winning if it comes down to the Noble Phantasm. Remember if you're going to go look for Shinji and Rider,[l] the biggest requirement is to defeat Rider before she has a chance to use her Noble Phantasm. It'll be to your disadvantage if you let the fight last longer."

"Or you can just defeat Rider's Master while I am fighting. He has no means of fighting, so that might be more certain."

That's the conclusion. We don't know what Rider's Noble Phantasm is, and additionally, it is too powerful. As we have no countermeasure, we can only beat her before she has a chance to use it. So whatever the Noble Phantasms of the other Servants are, we cannot compete in Noble Phantasms against Rider.

"…Your advice was helpful, Tohsaka. We'll be going to go look for Shinji, but what about you? Will you stay here?"

"…Yeah, if you say so, we can go look for Shinji as well――but I guess we won't. Rider isn't our only enemy. And we originally cooperated to fight against Berserker. I have something I need to do as well while you guys are looking for Shinji."

Tohsaka stands up with a cold smile on her face. "See you. I'll be expecting good results."

Leaving Tohsaka at home, I leave with Saber. It's seven thirty in the morning. The hill is really quiet. Students usually go to school at this time, but not many people are around today.

"I hear the school has closed down temporarily. Even though nobody died, most of the students apparently cannot stand up yet."

"…It's like severe malnutrition, so it should take a few days before they'll be able to move again."

But those are the lucky ones. Transformation of the skin, necrosis of the tips of the limbs… I hear there were even students on the verge of blindness.

"…I hear Taiga was taken to the hospital as well. Is it all right not to go visit her, Shirou?" "Yeah, they said Fuji-Nee's just fatigued. They told me not to worry about it and to study at home."

I called the Fujimura house and checked on Fuji-Nee's state before I left the house. I would like to go visit her, but I should hold off on that for now.

"Then you are concentrating on the search? That is fine, but do you have any guesses? I am able to feel the presence of Servants, but that is only possible if I am near them. I believe it will be difficult to find them without some sort of a clue."

"Yeah. If Shinji was hiding and not doing anything, it would be difficult to find him. But considering his personality, I don't think he'll stay quiet after that incident yesterday." Shinji's not the type to stop when he's beaten. He's the kind of guy that'll take revenge.

"…Then you are saying Rider's Master will be constructing another boundary field…?"

"No doubt. Like me, he can't provide magical energy for his Servant. If he wants revenge on us, he'll have to collect magical energy first. So it shouldn't be that difficult to find him."

"――So we will not be looking for Rider's Master, but for the boundary field?" "Yeah. Even if we can't perceive the Master, we can sense the boundary field if we get near it. And that will tell us about possible locations as well. We just need to look for large buildings where lots of people gather."

"I am surprised. You are thinking pretty well, Shirou." "Hey now. It's not like I'm not thinking, you know? I wouldn't say something like that if I wasn't confident about finding them."

…Yes, I'm confident. There's the matter of the boundary field, but there's more meaning in us walking around. Just as I can't leave Shinji alone, I bet Shinji doesn't intend to let us go either.

Just to be sure, we go to Shinji's house. I have Saber check for the presence of Rider. The result is negative. …Well, he's not the kind of guy that would be resting at home.

"Let's go. If Shinji's going to construct a boundary field, it'll be in Shinto, and not over here. Let's go to each of the office buildings." Calling out to Saber, I leave the Matou house.

"Is this all right, Shirou? This is Sakura's house. Do you not want to talk to her since you are here? I believe we have time for that."

"―――――" I'm certainly worried about Sakura. According to Tohsaka, Sakura was just weakened. Fortunately, she didn't have any external wounds. But if I can, I want to see her and take care of her since she has always taken care of me. But――

"I don't think I will. I can't get her involved in this war by going to see her before things are over."

…And most of all. I can't go and see Sakura if I am to fight Sakura's brother soon. If the worst comes to the worst and I have to kill Shinji, I'll never be able to face her.

…So I shouldn't leave any lingering affections. I think that's the best course I can take, and I also believe it is for Sakura's best as well――

We go to every building we spot. We went through all the larger ones first, but there's no findings yet.

"―――――" Wiping the sweat off my brow, I move my heavy limbs. Trying to calm my breathing, I stand still for a while and take a deep breath.

"…? Shirou, is there something wron―――――" As soon as Saber turns to me, she frowns stiffly.

"Shirou, please come this way." "Eh… hold on, that way's to the park. There are still some buildings we haven't checked out over this way――"

"Please wait on that matter. This takes priority right now." Something must have caught her attention. She speaks strictly and pulls me towards the park.

"Hold on Saber…! What are we doing, coming here? There's nothing here. Even you should know that!"

"It's fine, so please sit down on that bench. I will listen to you later."

"Hm――" Stared down by Saber, I reluctantly sit down on the bench. And then―― I almost faint.

"Hu――h?" I hold my face with one hand. My forehead is sweaty, and my breath is out of control even though I'm sitting down. …Hold on. Why am I sweating in the middle of winter?

"…That's strange. Was I this tired?" As soon as I ask myself that, I finally realize the state of my body. I'm not tired. This is just my unhealed wound aching.

"――!" …Ridiculous. No matter how deep the breaths I take are, I can't catch my breath. My body is heavy and my legs refuse to stand up.

"It seems you have finally realized the condition you are in, Shirou." Saber is angry. …It's only natural. It does no good when the one who suggested the idea of searching for Shinji is just resting on a bench.

"――Sorry. I'll be able to move again soon, so just wait a bit." "That is not what I am concerned about. It seems it is useless to say anything to you."

"――?" I understand that Saber is angry. I understand, but I don't quite get what she's so angry about.

"Hey, Saber. You have to be clearer, or I won't get what you want to say."

"There is no need to tell you if you do not understand. Please just rest there, Shirou. I will keep you company if you do not wish to rest alone." Saying that, Saber sits next to me.

"Huh――?" The bench isn't that large. Saber is sitting so close to me that I could touch her shoulder if I leaned over a bit.

"Hey――no, hold on Saber. We don't have time to rest. We didn't come here to play, we――" "We did not come here to play. Resting is part of the battle. If you have any complaints, please tell me after you catch that breath of yours."

"Uh… you say catch my breath, but…" It's true that my body is tired and I can't breathe properly, but if you're this close, my heart starts jumping and――

"Shirou, are you listening to me? You have been pushing your body all this time, so please relax and calm down for now. Your body will not rest if you are not calm."

"Well, so…" If she wants me calm, why doesn't she get away from me? I don't know what Saber thinks, but for me, she's a girl of around my age.

Well, she's actually younger, but she's a girl nonetheless. …And on top of that, she's unrealistically beautiful. I don't know what kind of a guy would be able to calm down with her next to him.

"…Shirou? Is it just me or do you look more pale?" "T-That's not true…! I'm not disturbed at all!"

"…Well, that is good… but it seems you should lie down. Perhaps there is some place to rest around here――"

Saber looks around. …Hey. Why is there a guy using his lover's thighs as a pillow in this desolate park?

"……" And. It seems Saber is looking at the couple and thinking.

"Shirou. If you do not feel well, please lie down――" "I'm fine! I'll calm down if I stay still, so don't worry too much! You don't have to worry, so ignore me for a while!"

Looking away from Saber, I close my eyes so I won't see her. "……" …Calm down. Try to ignore Saber, who is sitting next to me. All I have to do now is to keep on breathing deeply and――

The fire died down after one night. The red fiery walls were gone. There was a burnt field all around me, and the blackened woods were smoldering with the sounds of sparking. As I lay there, I think that it sounds like a small firework.

The sky starts to cloud up. It would rain soon, and the fire should soon stop. I was looking up blankly at the sky with a body that was even having difficulty breathing.

There are only burned corpses around me. I have burns all over my body and there's a bad burn across my chest. My open chest. I feel like I could grab my heart if I put my fingers into the inflamed chest.

――Oh yeah, now that I think about it. I didn't fall because I was tired. My numb body wasn't kind enough to be able to rest just because it was tired. I fell, because… I think my wounds made me unable to move my arms or legs.

So I was manly and did not panic. I knew I would not be saved, and I wasn't scared because everyone around me had died the same way. I just looked up at the clouding sky and watched myself as I grew thinner. But still… With my dazed consciousness, I thought to seek help as long as I was alive and I reached out my hands――

…Wait, something's weird. I shouldn't remember a burning feeling in my chest.

"―――――" I wake up suddenly. I open my shirt and check my body.

"――Yeah. There's no scar at all." There's no scar on my chest. I almost died because of lack of oxygen from the burn after all, and I didn't have any fatal wounds. If I had taken something like that, I bet even Kiritsugu wouldn't have been able to save me. No, more importantly――

"Whoa, it's night already…!? Was I asleep, Saber!?"

"Yes. You seemed to be sleeping deeply, so I did not wake you up. It seems the result is worth it. You look much better than before." Saber is right next to me and answers as if nothing has happened.

"…You're mean. Even if it was bad for me, you should have woken me up. I told you we don't have time to be resting."

"Resting is a necessary action. And you were only sleeping for an hour, so there should be no problem." "Hm, that's only in hindsight opinion. What were you going to do if I didn't wake up?"

"Let me see, it would not have been too different. The day has ended, and it was starting to get cold, so I was about to wake you up."

Saber answers simply. …This is no good. No matter how I think about it, she's right in this case.

"…Well, I certainly do feel much better." I get up from the bench and start to walk through the field. There's no trace in the field of what came before. No trace of when it used to be a residential district, nor any trace of when it was that red burning world. It kind of irritates me that in spite of that, I saw that afterimage just by sleeping here.

"Shirou…? Is there a problem…?" "Oh, no. I just thought we should have rested somewhere else if we were going to rest. There are too many bad memories here."

"Bad memories…? Do you have some connection to this place?"

"Huh…? Oh, I must've not told you yet. I used to live here. It's ten years ago, though. But there was a big fire and both my parents and my house burned up. I was saved by Kiritsugu and became his foster child."

"What…? Then you are…" "Yeah, that means I'm not Kiritsugu's child. And I guess I'm not completely unrelated to the Holy Grail War either. I heard that this place was the final battleground in the last war. The one person who survived it became a Master, so I guess you could call it kind of ironic."

I walk through the field. It's been ten years since that happened, but it seems this ground isn't fertile at all. …Maybe the regret of the dying people has seeped into this land.

"Shirou. Is that why you seek to prevent any victims? Since you are a victim of the Holy Grail War, you do not want another victim like yourself…?" "Eh――well, that's…"

Now that she mentions it, maybe that's logical. But strangely, I've never thought about it that way.

"…I don't know. What you say is true, but I think it's simpler than that. I was just happy when Kiritsugu saved me here ten years ago. There was nothing else, so maybe I admired him and wanted to be like him."

That's right, I was just happy at that time. I can't put into words the emotion I felt when my request for help was granted. But at the same time. The happier I was, the guiltier I felt.

"But I didn't feel at ease because I was the only one saved. I was saved by my father, but no one else was saved and ended up like this."

Everyone wished for help, and I was the only one who received it. Only I was saved, And I was saved with the sacrifice of everyone else. So――Emiya Shirou must take responsibility for it.

"But there's no way to take back something that's already happened. If I want retribution for those that died, I should prevent what is to come. I won't allow a disaster like the one ten years ago to repeat itself. I couldn't face the victims if that happens. Well, I think my motive is something like that."

More importantly, we should continue searching for Shinji. I feel better, so we should go to the buildings we haven't searched yet. And there'll be fewer people around at night. If Shinji wants to attack us, now would be a perfect time. If we are going to make ourselves a decoy, the real deal starts now.

"Let's go, Saber. Let's go back to the office district for now." "……" "Saber…? Did you forget something?"

"No, I just remembered what happened this morning. When I said we should go and look for Rider's Master after you healed your wounds, you told me the order of importance was wrong." "…?" Hm… maybe I said that, but I don't remember the details.

"You said the same thing yesterday. I have felt it for a while, but I became confident about it then… That you have no intention of saving yourself." As if… …Even stating that fact is a crime, she stares at me and declares so.

"You are putting others ahead of yourself. That is admirable, but you will regret it someday if you continue like that. …You should value yourself more, Shirou." Saber walks past me.

"Let us go. We are certainly putting a burden on you by being here." Saber starts to walk towards the office district. I try to call out to her, but I can't in the end.

"――What…" "…Are you saying"… those words die in my throat. It can't be that I don't intend to save myself. It can't be true, but――for some reason, I cannot refute her words.

――We walk through the town. It's past eight o'clock. At this time when the station gets the most crowded, Saber and I stare at the map of the city.

"We have gone around most of the main buildings. Are there any other places to go?" "Let's see, there's a factory a little way away. We should look there since people gather there as well. Well, I don't think a factory is Shinji's style, though."

…Even as I answer, it's hard to look at Saber. It must be because that conversation earlier is still affecting me. Since Saber is acting like she doesn't care, it bothers me even more.

"How about you, Saber? Can you feel Rider's presence?" "…No, I do not. I have fought her once, so I should be able to perceive her if she is nearby――"

A strange feeling pierces my heart. A wave of magical energy that even I can feel. There's no way Saber can't feel that.

"…Shirou. I believe I do not even need to say this, but…" "I know. …So, are they near, Saber?" "No, I do not think they are that close yet. But they are certainly watching. …This magical energy is probably to provoke us."

They are watching us… so that must mean they finally fell for the decoy. If they're emitting magical energy so obviously, they must be trying to tempt us.

"――So. Is this Rider's presence?" My mind switches. The awkwardness from before disappears.

"I shall follow the magical energy. Please be careful, Master." I nod silently. The murderous intent stinging my skin is coming from the office district, empty of people.

Maybe no one is working overtime today of all days. Most of the lights in the buildings you could call the symbol of Shinto have already disappeared.

Not many people are walking through the roads, and the view isn't that bad. No one looks suspicious, and if Shinji is anywhere, he would be ahead of us… perhaps the park we were just in.

…The murderous intent is getting stronger. There's no mistake that an enemy is nearby. No, more like…. "―――――!" I feel a chill run down my spine. From the intensity of the murderous intent that even I can feel, perhaps we are already in the range of the enemy.

"…Watch out, Saber. Something's strange." "…Yes, your senses are correct. I do not think they will attack us out in the open, but we should still be careful."

Nodding silently, we head to the park. I'll ignore the oppressive pressure that feels like having a knife stuck at my neck. Rider and Shinji are nowhere in the office district. If they are going to attack, it will be in the park where nobody will see――

"Shirou――!" "…? What, Saber?"

I turn to Saber. She rushes at me like lightning- and deflects the attack over my head.

"…!?" I look up. In my sight is a large building, towering overhead as if to reach the heavens. And clinging on its side like a spider is the figure of the enemy. "Wha――?" Long hair covering her whole body, and flexible white limbs. The figure with the masked face is none other than Servant Rider…!! "――Huh." The figure clinging around the fifth floor looks at me and licks her lips. …I feel a freezing chill. There's no mistake. She came down from the top of the building to kill me using my overhead blind spot――! Saber lands on the ground. Saber, who jumped above me and deflected the attack, has instantly armed herself.

"Saber, she's…!" "I will follow her! Please stay here, Shirou…!" "Huh… how are you going to follow her!?" She kicks the ground. The silver armor disappears from my vision in an instant.

"Wha――!?" If Rider coming down from the top of the building is ridiculous, so is Saber pursuing her just by jumping.

No, perhaps because they are Servants, normal logic doesn't apply to them. Like Rider, Saber kicks the side of the building and charges at Rider like lightning――!

The two shadows intersect at great speeds. They clash overhead and separate, and then kick off the building and clash again. It's like watching fighter aircrafts' dogfight. I――

#votestaynight #fate #fate stay/night #fate route

[arcplaysgames]

Yosuke and Teddrick Hanamura, I am going to miss you idiots.

I have written an entire post on the tragedy of Yosuke. He is, like Chie, very much a work in progress. You can look at the arc of his character like a lobbed ball and guess his eventual trajectory and landing. I hope for Yosuke, it will be a soft one. I fear instead he will bust an ankle on impact and cry about it, but he'll be okay.

Also someone please wife this man before he winds up married to some woman in the most agonizing comphet marriage of all time. Yosuke is a homosexual and by god he needs a boyfriend.

Character Accuracy to Their Arcana: ZEEEEEERO. He's a High Priestess.

aaaaaaaand this is the second time i cried playing P4G, the first being Kanji's Max SLink scene. Oh my god the tears.

This fucking character should be nothing by irritation. On paper, on script, Teddie is annoying and too much to handle and overbearing (ha). But like, Sam Riegel is the fucking all-star winner of the entire cast imo for making Teddie work. I have been continuously baffled by how much I adore this mascot bear, but his story was so genuinely moving and affecting, he's my second favorite character in the game. The fucking PATHOS.

I am so happy that Teddie made himself into a real boy. If he didn't, Nanako wouldn't have made it. The world is richer for his self-decided presence in it.

Love you Teddie.

Character Accuracy to Their Arcana: 12 out of 10, it's immaculate from start to finish.

I have such mixed emotions on Naoto.

Going into this game, Naoto was the character I feared the most. There is a lot of right-minded anger about how Naoto is handled by the game. As I said before, I tempered my expectations dramatically for playing.

Naoto disappointed me but not because the Gender Thing. With the clarity of hindsight and some context from a trusted source, I get what they were going for with Naoto. But while they were always a fucking gem in the MSQ and group scenes, Naoto's SLink was one of the weakest in the game. I think that at some point, the writers (or someone who had say over the writing, lbr) got gunshy around what they created with Naoto, and as soon as he joins the party, it feels like all the interesting parts of his set-up are shelved.

Which I don't know which I would prefer honestly? A solid attempt at dealing with Naoto And Gender that winds up being a huge fuckup, or this defanged version of a character arc, where all Naoto's potential is visible in the MSQ but just goes poof in every other scene.

That said, her fashion is INCREDIBLE and she gave us multiple incredible moments in the story. Walking out on the beauty pageant and still winning? King shit.

Character Accuracy to Their Arcana: Difficult to say since so much of Naoto's arc feels completely aborted. 4 out of 10 for what was actually on the screen canonically.

I don't have much to say for Yumi! Except in her final scene she sasses Reverie for running away from being her boyfriend, which is funny. ALSO SHE SAYS SHE'S GOING TO GO INTO POLITICS AND I LITERALLY SAID THAT WHEN WE FIRST MET, THAT SHE'D BE GREAT IN POLITICS? Holy shit what a called shot, go me.

But Yumi unfortunately innately suffers from being a Sun arcana after the shocking good and profound P3P Sun Slink. It was an impossible act to follow. She's fun tho! I liked her!

Character Accuracy to Their Arcana: eh. 3 out of 10. sorry.

God what a roller coaster of a pair.

Dojima was frankly a piece of shit for a LOT of this game, albeit a well-meaning one. The moment he sent Reverie after a crying Nanako rather than going himself really truly stressed my dedication to completing his SLink, I wanted to bail so badly. But his portrayal in the game is deeply sympathetic. The game is highly aware he's a fucking mess and a shit father, and it gives him space to become better. Which I like better than a hopeless case. It was real touch and go there for a while though.

Nanako really was the glue that held the plot together, wasn't she. It was kind of heavy-handed. Like, I didn't know what was going to happen to Nanako, but I did call very early that something was going to happen to her, to propel the plot. As this game's Justice Child, she's much weaker than Ken honestly and as much as it pains me to say, she should have been Temperance. There is very little judgement passed by her, there is no great clarity from her. She's a child, and she's wronged and neglected, and those things get better, but there is no recourse.

(Which is okay with me as a rehabilitationist myself.)

Character Accuracy to Their Arcana: VERY LOW FOR BOTH TBH. 2 out of 10. Dojima and the Fox should have swapped, I am dead serious.

okay i would have fucked this up but a friend told me i needed to say no here or i'd miss the true ending. it'll have to wait until tomorrow, as it is midnight and I gotta SLEEP.

tomorrow, we finish P4G.

#p4 #persona liveblog

[tuliharja]

BLEACH: Thousand-Year Blood War - The Separation episode 5 review

Alright, don't you all think it was cute how Kyoraku had a cellphone that had First Division's insignia on it? Just me? Okay.

Well, it seemed like every shinigami had their Squad's number on their cellphone, but it was still cute. It also made me think if all those phones were mass-produced by the 12th Division and if it was requested each Division phone would have their insignia on it? (And naturally Mayuri's little spy program, because I won't doubt even a second he wouldn't have putten one in each phone if the 12th Division produced those all.)

Anyway, it was funny how Mayuri was all sassy toward Kyoraku, over the fact they had lost so much of their manpower. While Mayuri appears all uncaring and such, he sure knows how to bite when his higher-ups have failed from his mind or otherwise think they're idiots. Does that mean Mayuri has an authority problem? Maybe (and highly likely, considering his ex-prison life.)

Kensei roasting Hisagi (while he was unconscious) was cute as he gave this strong vibe of 'I trained you so hard son, yet you failed so badly! Don't make me ever worry like this again! This still doesn't mean once I'm done here, we'll do extra training!' Talk about mixed daddy vibes, lol. Too bad, he got in the end crushed by the Superstar. But it was kind of expected (because the main "villains" must defeat him). But it was still nice Kensei got his moment to shine and we got to see a bit more of his Bankai.

But, if I'm honest, I was anticipating Rose's Bankai showcase.

Somehow, I was disappointed. I don't know, but I was expecting more music and a good show. The manga gave such a strong impression, but this one? It kind of felt flat. Hearing xylophone play wasn't really...that good musical number -at least in my mind. I was expecting something massive, dreading, anything! I mean, they had Shiro Sagisu as the composer. Even if his music piece would have been cut short, because Mask de Masculine pierced his ears with his fingers, even so, I was expecting something else than just xylophone. (At least I assume the instrument that was played was the xylophone. I could now be wrong.) In fact, imagine if Shiro Sagisu would have pulled Neon Genesis Evangelion-type dreadful battle music, yet it would have got cut abruptly? Then the animators would have panned Rose's shocked expression as he would have realized something is very, very wrong. But no. Instead we just got a small moment that felt very...rushed? I know even in the manga Rose's moment was very short, but with good animation direction, the scene could have been so much more impactful and I bet Rose would have appreciated it as an enjoyer of art. Instead, it was a blur of a moment, to give way to a rematch between Mask de Masculine and Renji. While I can understand the main "villain" must defeat the "hero", it still didn't make this moment in the anime as disappointing as it did in the manga. (At least for me. I was hoping visuals and music would have made up the short moment, but nope.)

The rest of the fight went as expected. Our main 'villain' defeated the 'hero' in the end. And it was plainly obvious where the more dramatic animation effects, etc., and music were directed in this episode. It was kind of expected after Kensei's and Rose's fight. While the animation was still top-notch during the whole episode, I still think they could have done so much more if they had wanted to. But...if they had, the possibility of outshining Renji's 'main moment' could have been big.

Oh well. Renji going on his true Bankai was pretty neat. Not to mention Ichibe explained his role in Squad Zero was nice.

It was a good thing they wrapped up the whole case of Mask de Masculine in this episode, which gives us all hint in future episodes we will probably see more shinigami VS. one Sternritter and be done with the episode. There might be some additional info here and there, but the focal point will be on the "main" fight.

It was interesting it was implied James was the main Quincy and Mask de Masculine was like his extension, despite the fact Mask was the Strenritter. Or, maybe Mask's true name was James and the mini-James was Mask de Masculine when he was little and fanboy of wrestlers? Hard to say, but something to think about.

That little moment between Ishida and Jugram at the end was nice, but I was still kind of expecting to see a glimpse of Ichigo in this episode, but I suppose because we saw Ishida...there wasn't simply time for that. I wonder if we'll return back to that conversation in the next episode, as the focal point of it will be Rukia and Äs Nödt, based on the next episode's name and the fact Äs Nödt spoke that ending 'quote'...

#Bleach #bleach #Bleach: Thousand-Year Blood War #bleach: thousand-year blood war #bleach: tybw #Bleach: Thousand-Year Blood War -The Seperation #the seperation #episode #episode review #episode 5 #Bleach: Thousand-Year Blood War episode 18 #cour 2 #shunsui kyoraku #mayuri kurotsuchi #kensei muguruma #shuhei hisagi #mask de masculine #rojuro otoribashi #rose otoribashi #shiro sagisu #renji abarai #ichibe hyosube #text post #quincy #james #rukia kuchiki #uryu ishida #jugram haschwalth #yhwach #äs nödt

[craftypeaceturtle]

Just came back from mutant mayhem....

I have a lot of thoughts. A lot different than I expected but still had a blast! It's one of those films that you can just feel that everyone making it had fun. Kinda mixed feelings on the film, so I'm just going to ramble.

Spoiler alert under the cut

(like I'm talking about the whole film here so really, spoiler warning!)

Coming out of it, I feel kinda underwhelmed? The beginning has such an impact and the jokes land and it does get emotional showing how the turtles are isolated.

But the ending fight didn't have much impact and (personally) I didn't love the idea of the turtles being accepted by humans and living normal lives. I get that this was the whole point of the film but it's a hell of a direction for the franchise to go. I feel like I need more info or just to see more before I can fully form an opinion on that.

The first fight they get into, where they're trying to rescue April's bike, was amazing. Loved every second of it. The humour of it, the messy chaotic fighting and the dynamic of Leo fighting for leadership when they have never really fought as a group before. Absolutely no complaints, that was awesome!

Maybe this was just my cinema and I saw a kinda crappy viewing but did anyone else notice that the sound mixing for the film wasn't the best? Like there were entire fights where there was no sound besides the spoken lines and the background music. None of the cars flying all over made any noise. It was really awkward.

I loved this Splinter! I actually really loved him! To specifically show that Splinter is also impacted on his sons running off behind his back and how he clings on to them so tightly. While I didn't love him and scumbug's romance, the idea of Splinter learning to let them go through finding connections in his own life and growing to be more than just a father. I really loved that. Splinter stood as his own characetr separate from the turtles while still having their actions affect him. Really loved it!!

This was a fantastic April! The film recognised that she isn't a fighter and never tried to make her be one. It just recognised that she's someone who wants to do right, is super determined and willing to go the distance for those she cares about. Really really loved this imagining of April.

Personally, not a huge fan of the Leo and April but it wasn't overbearing and it did bring out some fun dynamics. Like Leo trying to flirt and all his brothers giving opinions and directions was super funny and cute!

There are a lot of references. Like oh my god a lot. I get that that's how people talk these days. I totally get it. Especially teenage boys. But that was a lot.

Before I watched it, just seeing the runtime made me think that the film was going to feel fast paced or rushed. Again, the beginning really doesn't. But the ending is where I kinda felt it. The mutants (who had all been raised by superfly) turning on superfly felt really out of nowhere and not earned. I so badly wish that scene could've gone on longer.

On that note, all mutants being related. And the weird implications of the mutagen ageing people was weird. Mutagen only working on animals? A lot of lore which I really don't know how to feel about. On the one hand, it's new and different but maybe it's because it's different that I don't like it. Meh, another aspect that I'd have to see more about before I can say anything.

The boys characterisation was great! Mikey was spot on, Leo's take on leadership and responsibility was so great!!!! Mutant Mayhem's Leo is a fantastic Leo. Raph I did love but it was weird how they kinda characterised him as wanting to run from a fight??? He wanted to leave when they met April and went Superfly doublemutated. That seemed weird. Donnie.............. I dunno. He's a loveable great dork, as per usual! But there was really no connection between him and tech or being the 'smart one'. And I get it, they clearly wanted to add more to his character. But.... he then just felt like any other character rather than a DonnieTM. You know what I'm trying to say?

Superfly was a really cool villain! I loved that he was so menacing. It really nailed this sense that he was a little like a gang. Charismatic and charming to draw you in but incredibly violent and a threat. Really loved the bowling alley scene. Before he even goes into his plan, you get the impression that he's not someone to be messed with. Really loved him!

That's all I can really think of for now. Mixed emotions. Strong end, kinda weak ending. Curious to see how they play off the world they've created but for now, I think it's time to go back to rewatching the series.

#tmnt mutant mayhem #mutant mayhem #mutant mayhem spoilers #please bare in mind the spoiler alert

[aly-writes]

gangjae dating headcanons? 👉👈

yayy first my name request! hope you enjoy, nonnie! gangjae's character was a little difficult for me to grasp, so i truly hope that this lives up to your expectations~ thank you for requesting<3

warnings: mentions of drugs

dating gangjae headcanons

you first met gangjae at dongcheon's gym.

unlike jiwoo, you weren't personally brought to the gym by choi mujin, so you didn't have anybody watching out for you.

at least... that was before you were introduced to gangjae.

he had been the rookie at the gym before you came along, and you were the one to take up his duties as the newbie.

he is well aware that the men at the gym could be absolute dogs sometimes, so he decided to keep a watchful eye over you.

it wasn't anything direct at first.

he stayed out of your view, finding people who stare at you like you were fresh meat and distracting them for a while. whether this is by challenging them to a fight or asking for their assistance, it didn't matter. anything to get them away from you.

it soon turned into something more forward. instead of challenging the other guys, he would ask to spar with you instead.

it sort of became a daily routine. wake up early to do your chores, do your daily training with gangjae, do your nightly cleaning up, repeat.

he didn't think of you as anything special at first.

of course he enjoyed being around you, but he simply saw you as another member of dongcheon and a good training partner.

this all flipped around when you were directly challenged by one of the douchebags at the gym.

he had always treated you like his servant, and you were beginning to get fed up.

your patience was running thin that day. it was only when he threw a dirty shirt at you, grabbing your shoulder a little too roughly when you walked away that you snapped.

you yelled, telling him that if he wanted it done so badly, he could do it himself.

he didn't seem too happy about that and threw a punch at you. you swiftly dodged, shooting an unexpected swing straight back. it connected with his nose, and a sickening crack echoed throughout the gym.

the fight was followed with an echo of 'oooh' and laughter. you were so pissed off that you had to take a breather outside.

this was the moment gangjae realized that you were a lot more to him than just a training partner. you were someone he wanted to get to know a lot more than anyone else at the gym.

the feelings came up quickly, and by that point, you had basically become best friends.

his confession was simple and unexpected.

the rest of the members were asleep, and you were letting off some steam on one of the punching bags. he was leaning against one of the fences and got an overwhelming urge to tell you how he felt.

"y/n?"

"i'm busy."

"i really like you."

you turned to him, only to find him staring at you with a shit-eating grin.

you didn't return them at first, but after a few more attempts you finally gave in.

gangjae is a very passionate and exciting lover. it's hard to keep up with him.

he loves to do things with you. go out to the town, training sessions, you name it. if it's with you, he will never protest it.

he's very demanding when it comes to physical affection. kisses, hugs, cuddles, and everything else. he loves receiving it, and he loves giving it even more.

because of this, you can expect to be on the receiving end of a bunch of physical affection.

uses it as a reward in some cases. if you knock him flat on his ass during a training session, you get a meaningful kiss. thanks for kicking my ass, babe! here's your reward!

when he leaves the gym, he wants you to come with him.

if you accept, you'll have a very important role in his new gang.

you're basically the co-leader, but you deal with everything behind the scenes.

but... he doesn't allow you to get too involved with the drugs. and by this, i mean he will not allow you around them.

he's aware of the physical impact drugs have on a person's body, and he doesn't want that happening to his precious y/n.

while he does the dangerous stuff, he tells you to keep up with business and stay behind. you do have some protests, but he insists. he's doing it in your best interest.

he's very possessive over you and lets everyone know that they are not to lay a single hand on you.

if he notices any other members of his gang try to get close to you with romantic intentions, he doesn't give them a warning.

they're immediately kicked out. or worse, severely injured and moved down to the bottom of the ranks.

after a while, the members learn pretty quickly that if they want to talk to you, it will strictly be about business.

after gangjae's crazy day, his favorite part is coming back to you.

your gentle touch and soothing voice, added onto your soft gaze. it gives him so much serotonin.

cuddling with you under the sheets is his favorite way to decompress. you're like therapy to him.

overall...

absolutely nothing could separate him from you.

it's more of a 'till-death-do-us-part' type of situation. he won't leave you until he dies. in that case, he's already planned out what will happen to his gang and how you play a part in that.

he just loves you a lot and is forever grateful that you stuck with him throughout the years.

a lot of his gang members hope that they can achieve a love like yours. you guys are just that much of a power couple.

#do gangjae #do gang-jae #gangjae #gang-jae #my name netflix #do gang-jae x reader #gangjae x reader #gang-jae x reader #my name #my name x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #x reader

[lauwrite1225]

There’s only one thing that really disappointed me this season and that’s how Osferth’s death was handled. There was absolutely no justice in his death. He randomly get’s stabbed and dies in Finans arms and then basically never gets mentioned again? We didn’t see Uhtred’s and Sihtric’s reaction to hearing the news of his death, we got no funeral for him and like i already wrote he was basically never mentioned again. His death just felt so pointless to me. He was basically here from season 2 and formed a great bond with Uhtred’s squad and i guess i just expected his death to have more of an impact on the squad. Because how is it that even Sigtryggr who appeared just at the end of season 4 and for half of season 5 got a way better death than a character who’s been here from the start? Sigtryggr got an honourable death, he got a funeral, we see how big of an impact his death had on Stiorra and he was mentioned quite a few times after his death but Osferth got none of that.. He wasn’t even in Uhtred’s montage at the end. I don’t know i just really hated the way this was handled.

There are some points i agree with you anon, some others i'm a little more mitigated. In general, I do think Osferth's death could have been handle way bettet than it has been, however, he wasn't utterly forgotten once he was dead.

First, the one thing that made me suspect he would die during the season, Finan keeps Osferth's cross. Indeed, if you look at Finan's sword after episode 5, you can see a cross hanging from the hilt of his sword, cross that is in fact Osferth's. You can see Finan holding it when he lays Osferth's body with the Danes killed during the attack of Rumcofa. I had noticed it on BTS pic before the season came out and I thought and stil l think, it is a nice detail. It shows how deeply Finan cared for Osferth's, how he was like a little brother to him, how he was his baby monk.

Finan's guilt carried on for a few episodes. It obviously starts in episode 5 when he says he is sorry and then claims it is all his fault. He carries on in ep 6 when he says Osferth is haunting the man who's responsible of his death (meaning himself) and it shows again in ep 8 when Uhtred wants to go back to Rumcofa and Finan really doesn't want to. He is clearly so close to cry because Rumcofa is where he lost Osferth and he hasn't come to terms with it.

There's clearly a lack of emotion shown by Uhtred and Sihtric. I'm not saying the characters felt nothing or the actors played badly, I just think, just as you anon, that the show could have given us their "real reaction" to Osferth's death. Not just their nervous looks when Finan isn't able to speak.

However, I liked how the lack of Osferth's presence was reminded a few times. Sihtric reminded Uhtred they were just the three of them now to Uhtred in episode 6 and Finan later said four was always their lucky number (credit to @persephones-journey for that one). Besides, Uhtred mentionned Osferth's death to other characters, like Edward, who has shown some empathy.

I still was disappointed Osferth wasn't in the final montage, he definitely deserved his place there. But I recall a good point @solarlotus made, Osferth saw Uhtred as his Lord maybe more than just a friend which might explain his absence.

My final point will be regarding his burial. It didn't really surprise me to not see it. After all, we haven't seen any of Uhtred's men who died before being buried. Neither Leofric nor Halig had a burial scene and tbh i didn't feel like they needed to have one. Osferth I don't know. I like that Ingrith decided to take Osferth to Wessex so he was buried in the place he was born (but i like to imagine she has taken him to Coccham) and I know it would have been hard to have a burial scene with all the boys (cause a burial without his brothers would have been pointless to me) would have been tough to plan within the plot. I'm sad he wasn't given this scene he utterly deserved but i'm not that disappointed about it.

I think that is all for my thoughts, I think we agree on some points and disagree on others, but in general, we both hoped for more regarding our beloved baby monk's death :')

#ask anon #the last kingdom #tlk spoilers #tlk season 5 #osferth

[frosteee]

Re-reading Junji Ito's awesome adaption of Frankenstein got me thinking about the Creature again, particularly his request for a female monster from his creator.

When I first read the story, waaay back, I felt sympathy for the Creature wanting a partner like most people do, and angry at Victor for destroying the female creature and the Creature's hopes with it.

But re-reading the scene - from the original novel - I see it differently. While you can still understand the Creature's position (all alone in the world, feared and hated because of his appearance), his belief that having a partner would magically make him both happy and harmless is naïve, toxic and, ultimately, doomed for failure.

Naïve

I think this can be partly attributed to his creation/nature. He was shunned at birth and left to figure out his own origins and mull existential questions on his own - and the answers were terrible. He had no guide or protector - that was Victor's job, and he rejected that instantly - and so was constantly trying to fill the void, like a child would. The Creature is, for all his eloquence, still an immature child in a monster's body.

Equating marriage to happiness might also be attributed to his experience with the blind man's family, where the Creature truly gained a sense of self and concept of relationships in general. He sees the positive effects the introduction of Safie has on the blind man's family, especially Felix, who loves her:

"The presence of Safie diffused happiness among its inhabitants, and I also found a greater degree of plenty reigned there."

The Creature clearly connects this experience with his vision of life with a female partner. The blind man's family were poor, but content, because of Safie, so the Creature presumes - hopes - that the same will apply to him.

Toxic

There is an enormous amount of selfishness in this request. He is demanding another being exist to be just as miserable and alone as he is, simply so that it makes him a little less so.

The Creature is actually aware of this - he says (my bold for emphasis):

"It is true that we shall be monsters, cut off from all the world; but on that account we shall be more attached to one another. Our lives will not be happy, but they will be harmless, and free from the misery I now feel."

The Creature knows what kind of life will be in store for his female companion, but his priority is his own comfort and he simply does not care. He later states "O Creator, make me happy!", contradicting his earlier statement and suggesting that while his partner will be unhappy, he will be happy with their lot in life.

Doomed to fail

He is the misery that wants company. He constantly looks to external forces to ensure his own happiness - the blind man's family, Victor, the hypothetical female creature - but has no ability, or desire, to find his own form of happiness.

Edit: Also, a union based on shared misery is HELLISH.

At this point in this story, the Creature has suffered enormous damage to his mind as well as his body. He has killed (innocent) people in blind rage. Behaviour and thoughts like that can't just flip on a dime. He has severe issues with anger, abandonment and envy, and it has escalated to murder.

He is not at peace with his own existence, and a female version of himself (which is essentially what he wants) can't give that to him. It needs to come from within.

But again, the Creature is looking for betterment in external factors. He constantly describes himself as ugly and incapable of being more than a miserable murderer because of how he looks and how he is treated, becoming his own self-fulfilling prophecy in the process.

Having a partner just as ugly as him would not make him less so. In fact, it would only serve as a constant reminder of his own ugliness and isolation from the world. Ultimately, he would still have his insecurities and identity issues. The only difference would be that he would have someone to complain with!

Speaking of the female partner - as I said before, the Creature is aware of the kind of life she would be living, but does not consider this important enough to think twice about it. His comfort and 'happiness' trump hers. He doesn't think about what the female partner think about being created purely for his satisfaction, doomed to life of loneliness and secrecy. He doesn't consider that she might, justifiably, resent the Creature like he resents Victor Frankenstein. He doesn't consider that she, as a thinking being, would simply not like him, or not like him as much as he would want her to. He doesn't consider that he might not like her either. He doesn't consider that the violent negative emotions and trauma he suffered will have long-term effects and negatively impact his partner or humanity.

To him, the female creature is simply a means to an end. Victor destroying the creature in the novel does not take away the fact that the Creature was naïve to think that having a companion would make him truly happy, and unfair to play god just as his own creator had done. There are just so many factors and issues that the Creature either ignores or deludes himself about for the female partner to have done him or the world any good.

In Junji Ito's version - as with The Bride of Frankenstein - the female creature is completed and animated, but she rejects the Creature on sight - and it goes exactly as badly as you would expect. He blames Victor for deliberately making her that way, not caring how irrational this thought process is (the Creature was an unintelligent, animalistic thing when he was first animated). He refuses to acknowledge his own unrealistic expectations and desires, pushing all responsibility onto Victor (not saying Victor doesn't share blame as well, he does) and vows vengeance.

Ultimately, in any version, the Creature simply was not equipped with the right tools, had the right mindset, or in a position to have a partner like he wanted. It was wasn't ever going to end well, and that's the tragedy of it.

#Thoughts #analysis #literature #Victor Frankenstein #Frankenstein #Mary Shelley #Junji Ito #junji ito

[gracestone]

1/3 It's the fact that Gina really lost herself in the 1st half of S2 when she was still pining over Ricky. I was a Rina stan but it really hurt to see how lost and confused Gina was in 2.01 to 2.06. The way she talks about what shes going thru (in)directly to Carlos in 2.04, Kourt in 2.05, and Ash in 2.06 pained me 😭 I really didn't know how much more I could take seeing my girl like that. As much as I loved Rina in S1 and part of S2, I hated the fact

2/3 Ricky made Gina feel confused, feel like she doesn't matter, gets nothing back, and made life really hard (all of which are her own words in these convos). The next person we see her open up to is EJ in 2.08 and he's able to be there for her like Carlos and Ash in ways that are significant to her. With EJ Gina's constantly reminded of how much she matters. The only time she doubts herself w/ EJ is in 2.12 and that wasnt even his fault (thx Jamie😅). 3/3 Plus those doubts are there in the 1st place mainly b/c of her past feelings for Ricky. Thankfully Nini and Ash come thru for her and shes able to turn it all around by the end of the night. I can already imagine canon dating PW constantly reminding e/o how much the o/ means to them in S3. 🙏🏽🕯S3 just feels like a good one for us. Im ready for the angst AND the love. Lol Jamie's miscomm just showed me PW can SERVE that angst when needed tbh. Sofia and Matt are gonna kill it next season😂

Yeah, Ricky never meant to make Gina feel that way, but he also couldn't change the fact that he didn't reciprocate her feelings. And because he has this habit of coasting instead of doing the hard thing by putting in the work, he just hoped that this whole situation would resolve itself if he just ignored it long enough. After all, that's how this whole thing started: he thought he should try to put himself out there and Gina made that easy by showing interest in him with her cheek kiss. Gina also made it easy for him to coast his way through her confession by not wording the confession in a way where he was expected to give her an answer. Because she didn't bring it up again, he just let it be and hoped he wouldn't have to address it and outright reject her. But because Ricky is always so wrapped up in his own feelings, he has a hard time seeing how the people around him are feeling, and therefore he didn't see how much his silence was confusing and hurting Gina, and ultimately did more harm than good.

Gina, on her end, also tried her best to not show anyone how she was feeling. She actively hid her hurt and confusion until she couldn't do that any longer and came clean to Ashlyn in 2x06. And even before that we could see that it was something she wanted to talk about but was scared of opening up about, because she kept hinting at it in the scenes with Carlos and Kourtney you mentioned. She did something similar when she was planning on leaving in 2x05 by continously dropping hints in her conversations with everyone, including her speech for Carlos. Ricky not giving her clarity and leaving her hanging had really burned her, because he was the first person she'd opened up to and that really backfired on her. So she needed time to feel comfortable doing that again. As you said, it really was heartbreaking to watch her want to talk about her feelings so badly while at the same time constantly defaulting to hiding her feelings because she didn't want to get burned again 😭

It's such a well told story because it shows how our actions can impact people negatively even if our intentions aren't bad. I'm sure Ricky didn't mean to hurt Gina by not giving her a clear answer. He probably hoped that it'd be less painful for her if he didn't vocally reject her and that she'd get the message by seeing him with Nini. But we saw that this wasn't the case and that it just left Gina with this spark of false hope, which only led to her getting disappointed over and over again while having to figure out all over again what Ricky's interactions with her meant. Not to mention the amount of self-doubt and low self-esteem that came with that. Gina needed all of season 2 to work her way out of that place again and I wouldn't be surprised if there are still things related to what happened with Ricky that she'll have to work through in season 3. But at least she knows she's not off-putting and has people like EJ, Ashlyn, Carlos, Kourtney, and Nini around her who keep reminding her of how amazing, brave, and powerful she is, and how lucky they feel to know her and how much she matters. And hopefully Ricky will eventually get to a place where he can apologise to her and be the friend she deserves.

Sorry for basically saying what you were saying in more words, lmao. I genuinely can't stop myself from going in detail sometimes 😂 But yes, I totally agree that EJ would never willingly make her feel like she doesn't matter or like he doesn't want to be with her. He's really good at making the people who matter to him feel appreciated, so I'm sure we'll see even more of that with Gina in upcoming seasons than we already have so far. He's already called her brave and amazing, and even when she's not around her he describes her as "the best" 🥺 We saw how adorable he was when hyping up Nini in 1x01, so I can only imagine what he'll be like with Gina going forward. He also knows what it feels like when the person you have feelings for doesn't seem to reciprocate them and how insecure that can make you, so I'm sure he wouldn't want Gina to ever feel that way because of him. And Gina probably feels the same way about him, especially now that she knows how easily Jamie was able to get in his head (to be clear, I don't think Jamie meant to do that, but we're talking about EJ's POV here) and make him doubt her feelings for him.

I feel good about season 3 too! I really see no reason to worry, because I feel so confident EJ will stick around for the rest of the show. And I totally agree that Matt and Sofia can really nail the angst, so even if EJ will consider going to a college out of state and break our and Gina's hearts for a little bit, I'm sure we'll all be able to appreciate the angst for how well acted it'll be. We're (probably) gonna suffer (for a little while) but we're gonna be happy about it. Especially when the pay off is worth it, just like it was in season 2.

#hsmtmts #ej caswell #gina porter #portwell #portwell meta #ricky bowen #hsmtmts meta #anti rina #ask #long post

[el-moscorrofio-y-el-mercachifle]

As the audience, you know she's clinging onto Armando for all the wrong reasons, yet her pain is so genuine that you can't help but sympathize for her.

Aw yes, I felt for Patricia there too. Also when she finds Mario and Aura Maria making out in his office. She wasn't a good person, but that was fucked up. I didn't expect for Patricia to have a full on evolution in the story, but she definitely had more potential than just being reduced to those petty fights with el cuartel. I mean Patricia was always childish, but the way they exploited the tension between Patricia and el cuartel to the very end was so annoying🙄. The only redeeming thing about that whole thing was what it meant for Marcela and Betty's relationship as the two main heads in the company and them developing conflict resolution skills despite their differences. Not that the animosity between Patricia and the secretaries wasn't funny (I lived for those early scenes, like when Berta bought Patricia's wardrobe 🤣🤣) but it was just so overdone and exaggerated towards the end that it lost its charm. Patricia deserved to get some sort of closure with Daniel, or at the very least, I was expecting her to become somewhat of a decent employee. I thought they were going somewhere with her when Betty decides to keep her on board and then when she offers to help her develop a financial plan for her to budget her money more efficiently, but sadly that went nowhere🤦🏽‍♀️

Michel and Alejandra's served to prove that Betty and Armando both chose each other, despite having respective love interests that were "perfect" for them. But yeah, that whole storyline with Alejandra comes across as forced and as you said, Armando's flirtatious attitude and the sexual tension between them, made the rejection less impactful . At least with Michel and Betty, we saw the relationship develop, and in what context. There's also a reference on Michel, he's a friend of Catalina whom she rates very highly and is very fond of. Betty was going through a lot when she met him, and he accompanied her, making their bond significant because he saw her broken and starting to pick up the pieces to rebuild herself. Alejandra is supposed to have the same significance in Armando's life but they don't bother to show us how it all started. Not to mention that Armando was officially still with Marcela at this point, which makes his behavior and over the top attention towards Alejandra even more irritating. He was making both Marcela and Betty uncomfortable with his attention towards Alejandra. At least Betty was single when she met Michel, she deserved to give herself another opportunity at love. That didn't take anything away from her evolution. Meanwhile Armando still had a whole relationship to resolve and attend to (he already knew at this point he didn't want to be with Marcela 🙄) and there he was parading himself with another extremely attractive woman in front of the two women he still had to make amends with (ok maybe that did bug me more than I had realized 😅🤣) In conclusion, the concept was there, but it was poorly executed and contextualize lol.

Exactly. You can really tell that by the end of the novela (or around the time Betty comes back from Cartagena) everyone qas super tired and just wanted to get ig over with. I sort of not blame them, tho, after all, the cast went through a lot during those two years of filming (harrassment, bad payments, horrible work schedules, etc.), but it’s very obvious that the quality of story decreases.

Lol sorry I awakened a new frustration with the show lol but yeah, the Alejandra part was very basly executed. The whole last part was badly executed, with the exception of some little gems like Armando and Marcela’s breakup, Marcela’s confession to Betty, Betty and Daniel’s dinner (oh, another frustration is how little interaction those two had), and the collection launch. The show just feels so rushed!

[lizziestudieshistory]

Books of 2021 - June

I had a pretty fabulous reading month! At least for me and considering I spent a lot of this month battling with my reread of Words of Radiance... (I'll get to that when I write my full length review)

Peter and Alice by John Logan - I love this play, I've loved it since I first read it in high school (now that was a long time ago at this point!) It never fails to make me cry...

Logan has cleverly intertwined the real life stories of Peter Llewelyn Davies and Alice Liddell Hargreaves with the stories of Peter Pan and Alice in Wonderland to consider what it would have been like for the real people who inspired J.M Barrie and Lewis Carroll. It's largely told through imagining a conversation between Davies and Hargreaves when they met at a book release in 1932, and as they talk Peter Pan, Alice, Barrie, Carroll, and other figures from their lives come on stage to make them reveal the truth about their experiences. It's heartbreaking, raw, and incredibly poignant to read - I can imagine it was even more powerful to watch and I wish I could've seen it performed!

I've loved both these books since I was a kid and reflecting on the effect they had on these two people is fascinating to consider, especially in the case of the Davies family. I've read a few different takes on both Hargreaves and Davies lives, and I'm not sure what I really think - the legacy of Peter Pan was clearly very difficult for Davies... However, none of the works I've read or seen have had the impact if this very short play. I'd highly recommend it, even if you don't like Alice in Wonderland or Peter Pan, because it is a stunning play.

Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare - I don't have a vast amount to say about Julius Caesar to be honest. It was fine? I can see why some people go mad over this play, however, I'm not a huge fan of Shakespeare's tragedies (my favourites are the comedies, although the histories have the most interesting for me as a historian.) It's an interesting play, but I do think it needs a really good production to do it justice and I haven't found one that's made me fall in love with it.

I did very much enjoy tracking the, quite frankly, bizarre combination of early modern Christianity with Roman religion and beliefs though. That was fascinating to observe and think about - and Mark Antony's famous speech at Caesar's funeral IS a masterpiece. That whole scene reminded me of the argument episodes in Greek tragedies (I assume Shakespeare was influenced, but I'm not an expert) and I greatly enjoyed picking apart the arguments presented, and watching Antony deconstruct everything Brutus had initially claimed.

Senlin Ascends by Josiah Bancroft - I enjoyed this book, although it was a slight let down for me. I think it was just too overhyped? I went in expecting it to be a lot more character driven than it was, particularly with Senlin himself, and a lot weirder. Don't get me wrong, this book felt like a drug trip in places, especially in part one! The worldbuilding was one of the strengths of this whole novel, but it wasn't enough to keep me in love with it. I wanted a bit more weirdness and subtle danger, and less repetition of the Tower is dangerous, ooh look Senlin's getting punched again...

I also needed more character development, and a bit more complexity regarding the workings of the Tower itself. Senlin is a great character and I loved watching his transformation from a fussy schoolteacher to a real player in the Tower's machinations, but everyone else remained fairly flat... I do think this will be resolved in the later books as the story expands to encompass more of the Tower than Senlin's hunt to find his wife - but this book needed a bit more to make me fall in love with it. Still it was a good first novel in a series, even if it did feel more like three related novellas than one complete novel!

Amberlough and Armistice by Lara Elena Donnelly - I’m going to write a series review of the Amberlough Dossier because these have been a delightful surprise! I was expecting something a bit vapid - pretty but shallow. I was so wrong. This series IS very pretty, the setting and feeling scream the 1930s, every page bleeds it (so much so I always feel under dressed when reading it!) At atmosphere is so well drawn, it’s simple and small but absolutely beautiful. Worldbuilding is often praised for how grand and lavish the author has made it, but Donnelly has shown just as much skill on her tiny canvas of Amberlough City.

On top of this she’s written some stunning characters - Cyril, Aristide, and Cordelia are incredible in Amberlough, and the addition of Lillian and Jinadh in Armistice only improved the series! Even when I don’t particularly like the main characters it’s because of a clash in personality, not a badly written character. However, the real stars are Cordelia and Aristide - I personally love Cyril, but I can see why he might rub people up the wrong way. Aristide in particular is carrying a lot of this series but Donnelly really does shine in her character work and setting.

These books aren’t world changing but they are lovely comfort reads, incredibly stylish, and have a lot more depth to them than you might think! They’re the kind of thing you devour back to back - I seriously wish I had the time to sit and read each book in a day because I would very happily do that!

Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson - I’ll be writing a full length, excessively long review of this book in the next few weeks so I’m not going to say much here. However, this is (contoversially) my least favourite entry in the Stormlight Archive, and I disliked parts of it so much than I’m actually angry at it... I’m leaving the series for a bit but I will be back to finish my reviews before the end of the year.

#books of 2021 #mini book reviews #booklr #reading #june reading

[buddha-in-disguise]

I have so much to unpack from last night's Supergirl episode. Since it ends at 3am UK time, I often tweet a little before I finally fall asleep. But it is now midday, so here goes on further thoughts on it all. I know this is going to be pretty rambling but I hope it makes sense.

First. Up until this half of the season, not only did Supergirl consistently trend in the UK, so did other words associated with it, most notably Kara and Lena.

Since 5B began, the trending has failed to materialise in the UK. The hiatus of two those blocks almost immediately on top of each other hasn't helped, but it is still a salient point.

Now for the rest. I'm not even sure where to start, but I will try my best.

The opening scenes in the bar.

No Nia. No Kelly. Where were they? Nothing was even mentioned. It wouldn't have taken much to have Alex say if Kelly was working, or running late. Anything. Hell, they had Kelly/Dansen and Nia meet up in a bar scenario in 5A. Why suddenly are they not there? They wouldn't necessarily need dialogue (I mean, Kelly has barely had any since Crisis anyway, so what's new?)

Yet in walks William and suddenly Alex is teasing Kara about inviting him. Winn is also there saying, hey it's okay. You barely know the guy, you had a shitty relationship beforehand, but go ahead, date the dude.

We had a prime opportunity for the Danver sisters to do karaoke together. Instead it was with William. At the expense of sister time (so many would’ve loved the sisters singing together).

So much here is wrong for me as a viewer.

If you have a show about female empowerment, yet the lead of that show is having to be told by others that dating a guy she has barely shared any positive moments with, let alone any romantic feelings for beyond a really awkward moment the episode before; that is not empowering a woman.

All too often Supergirl (as the lead in the show) is looking at dating, but not being capable of making her own romantic choices without the interference from others around her.

The only one I can think of who didn't need that was S1 James and to some degree Adam. Kara showed interest, but ultimately made the decisions on her own. Kara also recognised that with Winn, they were better off as friends. Yet S2 began and inexplicably Kara and James had broken up, and the need for Kara to get told to go for it by others began.

Mon-El was extremely problematic. As is William. Both were allowed to lie, to treat women like garbage at times with immunity. Yet here is another double standard. Kara and the Superfriends lied to Lena for 3 years, yet Lena is a bad person for reacting. I will repeat what has been said I don't know how often about Lena's reaction. It isn't without issue in how she is dealing with it. She isn't evil, but she has handled it badly. Her own emotional trauma, that was partly unpacked in 5A helps though explain why she behaved as she has.Yet, Mon-El faced no consequences for his actions. William can be a complete nightmare in how he treated Kara in 5A, but all is suddenly forgotten about or forgiven because of the reset? That is a cop out if ever there was one.

This hypocrisy is what annoys me the most, and frankly it is misogynistic all too often.

I actually pity any woman who believes it is okay for a man to behave as many do towards Kara. The message it sends is awful. I know the men in my family would be horrified by the actions of these love interests. I know of some men watching the show who feel the same way.

As for Lena and Kara. The trauma both have faced has shaped them. Yet Kara appears unaffected by losing her world a second time when Earth 38 was destroyed. On losing Argo. Sure they got it back, but as a changed merged World. You expect us to believe having to watch an antimatter wave destroy those you love has no effect? That being trapped for months with only the other paragons and Lex didn't cause trauma, even with a positive outcome. That seeing Krypton destroyed the first time wasn’t traumatic enough. That’s not something that just goes away. Add in losing Jeremiah, losing Astra (again), the trauma Supergirl must face when she can’t rescue everyone, that has a lifelong impact.

Lena has shown her emotional trauma has also been lifelong, albeit in a different way. To dismiss the emotional abuse Lena has suffered to attack her actions now is pitiful. Winn even suggests to Kara, that in the future, Lena does come through this, and isn't evil personified some want to make her out to be.

Yet Mon-El gets excused, William gets excused. Ugh. I’m sick of the double standard.

So, let’s unpack this further. Kelly Olsen was in the military. She wasn't just trained, but had an active role in the army. She recounted an event at a checkpoint where she was serving in S4. So she had active service, and it was in that moment when Kelly decided she wanted to help others more.

Kelly also knows the stress of keeping an important part of your life secret. She then also fell in love with a woman, someone who was her Sergeant, who was then killed on patrol (another reason we know Kelly was on active duty). It devastated Kelly who hadn't even told James of her relationship.

Later, upon completing her service, Kelly became a psychologist specialising in trauma.

Nia is also someone facing problems. Not only did her becoming Dreamer lead to discord with her sister, as well as the tragic loss of her mother, she has problems with Brainy. Nia offered to be there for Kelly when she was upset over watching Alex get hurt, but we saw nothing to suggest they had a heart to heart. Azie posted something that suggested they filmed a scene that did this, but it never made it on the final edit. Instead, once again we had William taking screen time.

So anyway, the point of all this is: guess who is placed to actively help Lena and/or Kara with the problems?

Kelly. Who apparently doesn't know Kara is Supergirl yet. So while Kara wonders if she should tell William, she could have the exact same conversations with Alex, only substitute Kelly for William. Overall, the plot could easily be maintained, and the established cast get good solid and plausible screen time. She could even talk to Nia about it, yet doesn't.

Another thing I find hard to understand is why haven't they used the link of Kelly, working at Obsidian North, where they could establish the Leviathan link.

If Lex has made the connection to Leviathan, you are telling me, even without Brainy helping them, Alex, Nia, J'onn and Kara haven't made the same connection? C'mon. Two investigative journalists, one who has won the Pulitzer, two DEO trained agents, and if Kelly was brought in, someone military trained; aren't able to make the connections? J'onn has all those computer banks in the tower, and while none of them are Brainy or Winn, he can't use said computing power? Why bother having it, if they are only props in the background. They could even ask Lena to help, since she has shown willingness to work with them if the reasoning was good enough. Leviathan is someone she knows (after all, Lena could have her memories returned by J’onn too). She knows the danger Leviathan poses. She could use the leverage to still get the lens from Obsidian in a similar way to now, but through Kelly if needed.

Actually, if they are using the tower, how does J’onn afford to pay for all this? I can only assume being as old as he is, he made some great investments over time, allowing him to be independently wealthy? But again nothing really suggests this.

Oh as for Alex leaving the DEO, great. After all, she was the Director but hasn’t been able to lead the DEO in all that time. Let alone some of the morally grey areas the DEO skirted around all too often. Still, where will she get her income from? Does she get paid as part of J’onn’s PI firm? Kara barely makes rent and food costs (at least she says her apartment is rent controlled so wouldn’t be able to afford it otherwise), so no way can she afford to help Alex out financially. Kelly might be able to support her, but again I cannot imagine it would be sustainable.

I feel like banging my head against a brick wall.

Onto Nia. I've said this a few times now, but here I go again. Back to William. I get the reason he came along in regards to Russell and so the Andrea connection. That story made sense. What hasn't made sense - William being used as a journalist, when Nia is right there! Nia has barely had any screen time, and virtually none as a journalist; you know - her actual job. I'm not sure what the minutes on screen ratio has been this season between the two, but it has felt completely slanted towards William as a viewer.

Instead of Kara and Nia investigating Leviathan after William was 'exposed' in 5A, now Nia is sidelined again, because they want Kara to team up with William to investigate Lex. Why do they need that journalistic pairing of William and Kara, when Nia - who as a Superhero, is better placed if danger from Lex occurs. But no, they're making it about Kara having to work with William because Lex threatened to kill him. Plus Nia was being mentored by Kara. Is she no longer being mentored by Kara? Are they a team? Even if the mentoring has ended, Nia is still not being utilised as a journalist. As the saying goes, make it make sense!

As for Lex. I love Jon Cryer. I’ve loved his version of Lex, but once again I feel Lena is just as well placed to take on his role in bringing down Leviathan. Why add another villain to this plot? We were told it was Leviathan who were the bad guys for this season, but once again we barely have a glimpse of them, but all the screen time on Lex, also to the detriment of Lena. We could be using this time to begin to mend Lena’s relationships with not only Kara, but the Superfriends. Instead we are getting bit and pieces, that seemingly bear little resemblance to the ‘fight for Lena’s soul’, or the ‘Stronger together, weaker apart’ tag lines the SG team used to market the series in 5A. (See attached photo). So again, this is frustrating for us to watch, as there is absolutely no cohesion to the storytelling. We know it is the ‘nothing is as it seems’ season, but to have no really coherent storylines so far this late on? It is baffling for me.

The sidelining of Nia and Kelly also brings to the fore the way the LGBTQ characters are being treated.

Dansen feels like a long lost legend from the mists of time. As I said earlier, there was a perfect opportunity for a Dansen scene in the opening part of the show, yet we might as well watch tumbleweeds fly past, for all the screen time Dansen or Nia have had. Well, rather haven’t had.

It seems we shouldn't ask for justification as to why William is on the show, but when we say the LGBTQ characters are being sidelined, that it doesn't matter one jot how diverse a cast can be; if said cast are not being given credible storylines or screentime, and if we say as much, we have to continually justify why that is the case. We get told to take what we are given. To insist on better, is oppressing white CIS men (in some cases CIS women have argued the same). This isn't oppressing anyone, but asking that if we get given relationships, given characters we want to invest in, they get the storylines to accomplish that. Supergirl is failing the LGBTQ audience so badly at the moment. So many have the same complaints it is ludicrous to suggest this is just one section of a fandom or trolls.

What I'm taking from all this at the moment is that 20% of the main viewing demographic as per GLAAD figures (and more besides, as I've seen straight viewers recognising the problems as well), have serious concerns with Supergirl.

But keep telling us we are overreacting. Or we should take what we are given. Or that we are delusional. After all, it is the kind of crap we have sprouted at us continually away from Supergirl, why shouldn't it be the case here.

I look at S4, heck even 5A, to what the show is doing now and it feels like an unmitigated disaster. Episodes are running out fast, so even if they increase Dansen, or Nia's screen time, it won't be enough to make up what has been lost. They're running out of time to give us a solid ending that ties up the mess they've created.

I really don’t know where this will end? CW Supergirl - do better. You have some phenomenal actors and actresses in your cast. Do them and your audience justice. Because right now you aren’t at all.

#lgbtq #supergirl #supercorp #azie tesfai #chyler leigh #gay #nicole maines #alexdanvers #alex danvers #kellyolsen #kelly olsen #nia nal #dreamer #superhero #dansen

[lavenderbyun]

I think that HJP's story feels incomplete to so many because we the fans spent so much time seeing him suffer for ultimately no reason. When watching a drama I think we feel promised some sort of happiness for someone that starts with nothing. And I know he got somewhat of a family, but if the writer was just going to make them be all friends in the end, then why do we just get animosity throughout you know? It's frustrating! Growth was necessary all the way around, but I think the writing did a disservice to all the characters in that respect.

I hated the triangle and thought it was unnecessary and don't even get me started on the revenge plot or underuse of WIJ. Anyway I think HJP cared about DM deeply but wasn't in love with her, so I didn't want them together really. I would have bought confusion from both right after the letter reveal, for suspense if nothing more, but not the quick dismissal and no talking about it that we got instead. Also instead of dragging the triangle until the last episode, a quick montage of HJP just clearly being rejected would have been better. Then he could have been the big brother figure in the family since he seemed to fit that better. That way he could have supported DM and keept his promise to gramma that he would watch out for her. I don't even dislike DM saying to DS that she just likes him just because but it would be more impactful if the letters had been addressed better and we could see more of DM's point of view. I feel like DM's character was a casualty of the triangle. She was so cool, such a go get her and then she was dissolved into the typical damsel crap. Sorry for the long message but I needed to get this off my chest, and also say that not all HJP fans are crazy 😁

i dont really know what more you expected? i know people don’t want to hear it but he didn’t develop very much as a character & didn’t actually have a huge role in the story outside the initial letters & introducing dosan 

they weren’t friends because he didn’t like them - so them suddenly being friends felt contrived bc it was? 

people are convinced he was never rude or cruel with SST - so, although a key part of his story was him becoming kinder to people it got overlooked (and tbh it was written quite badly too, where he was rude but when he came to terms with it the characters justified him instead of holding him accountable) 

i do believe he and dalmi needed a lot more plot though - i honestly don’t know when or where he fell for her, and they absolutely needed to talk about the letters more than that last scene

i dont think dalmi was reduced to anything either - her character arc was always about her building a business & stayed that way til the end (it could have been written a lot better tho) - just because the drama had romantic angst (as do 80% of kdramas) doesn’t invalidate that imo 

anyways, i dont think we’ll ever agree so this reply is probs futile but still it was interesting to read a different pov - and i hope you can take mine into consideration too

#stupcom #Anonymous #replies**

[escapeinpapers]

Book review: DAISY JONES & THE SIX by Taylor Jenkins Reid

"It is what I have always loved about music. Not the sounds or the crowds or the good times as much as the words—the emotions, and the stories, the truth—that you can let flow right out of your mouth. Music can dig, you know? It can take a shovel to your chest and just start digging until it hits something."

Plot: Written in a oral history format and set in the mid '60s to the late '70s, this book basically tells the story of how the popular rock band Daisy Jones & The Six was formed, rose to stardom and why the broke up. Daisy got the attention of many people at a young age because of her good looks, incredible voice and wild personality. She started to make a name for herself in the Sunset Strip while hooking up with rock stars, getting drunk and high. Billy Dunne and his band, were also getting attention at the same time and got signed into a record label. They became so well known as The Six. Later on, Billy found out that his girlfriend got pregnant and the pressure building up to become a father drove him insane and wild while on tour. Daisy Jones & The Six crossed paths due to a producer who believed that a collab would make them better and more popular. This led to Daisy officially joining the band. From that moment, everybody new that Diasy Jones & The Six was an icon of rock 'n roll. But in the middle of promoting their album "Aurora", the band had suddenly split.

Thoughts: I was in a reading slump and I wanna get out so badly so I tried reading several books that might really hold my attention. And yes, Daisy Jones & The Six absolutely did not just steal my attention but also my heart. I fell inlove with this book without even knowing. This is my first 5 star read for the month of June. Reading this felt like watching a documentary and I'm so hooked to the story. (Btw, this is soon to be a motion picture and Sam Claflin is playing Billy Dunne)

What I love:

1. The writing format. I've seen a lot of comments that they didn't like this book because of the way its written in interview format. I totally disagree because I think it is the charm of this book. It rather made it unique and so refreshing to read and the story felt much more alive. I was really into believing that they were real people. I didnt know that I'd be this attached to these characters that I wished they were just real.

2. The rock 'n roll. I really enjoyed the era of where the story was set and it was beautifully portrayed. The writing was so good and it felt so atmospheric. I really imagined the scenes vividly from the song writing, album production, photoshoots to the stage performances and even to their outfits ( I love Daisy's outfits so much, her signature hoop earings and braless tops are just 11/10). I swear, It is a freaking great rock 'n roll. Again, it felt so REAL! I can't believe I'm fangirling over a fiction band.

3. The romance. This is where all the TEA is dropping. The romance of the second lead couple was also just good as the main. But the main couple, the love triangle... It was just a wild ride. I was tensed everytime there are forbidden interactions like I just wanna ship them but then again I know it was wrong. I wanted them to stop but I wanted them to be together. You get me? Frustrating right? I don't want to say more on this aspect because if you'll be reading this book, I also want you to suffer the way I did. *evil laugh*

4. Badass female characters. I absolutely love how strong and dynamic the female characters in this story. No petty damsel in distress scenes. The feminism portrayed in this book was so influencing that it made me feel good about myself. Daisy is just my spirit animal. Though she'd been struggling with drug addiction, the way she carries herself, her confidence, her passion towards music were inspiring. Here are some of my favorite lines of her.

"That’s how it was back then. I was just supposed to be the inspiration for some man’s great idea. Well, fuck that. That’s why I started writing my own stuff."

" I had absolutely no interest in being somebody else’s muse. I am not a muse. I am the somebody"

"It’s not my responsibility to not turn them on. It’s their responsibility to not be an asshole."

What I don't love:

I think I don't have any issues with this book aside from the ending. It wasn't impactful as I expected it to be.

Recommending to:

1. Everyone! Especially those who love music and rock 'n roll.

(Trigger warning: alcohol addiction, drug use and abuse & abortion)

Rating: 5/5

#book review #daisy jones & the six #taylor jenkins reid #rock and roll #music #'70s band

[emmy-the-dragoness]

Mutated AU: Prologue/Origins (short STORY)

Writer's Note: That's right I'm doing this little written story here to give you its... not-so-humble beginnings in a way to let you expect the goings on for the AU sooooo....

Here goes!

------------------------------

------------------------------

"POWEEERR FIIIIIIISSSST!!" A youthful's voice rang out, thrusting out an arm with a bright blue, flaming fist that shot out of it at full speed. The incoming attack was making its way towards a large serpentine creature, complete with blondish white messy hair and yellow green eyes. With a smirk on its face, the cretin had its paws spread out wide and caught the attack in the nick of time, with a little bit of force as its feet were firmly planted on the ground. Tamaris, who the female monstrous mutant was properly known as, performed a counter clockwise twirl and lept at the boy with a fierce roar. KO shielded his face for the impact, but instead found himself pinned, before grabbing a peak at her unbelievably close face with one eye.

They spent the next 10 seconds gazing at each other, and the next thing they knew, the human and the beast started to laugh, having the time of their lives.

"Hahahahahaha, that was an amazing sparring session, Tamaris!" the child laughs, folding his arms behind his back.

His chimeric creature of a comrade couldn't agree more, with a nod and affirmative grunt. It was quite a good learning experience for the two in order to put their abilities to the test. Needless to say, she was impressed how far the hero in training had come with his innate powers had come, glad he has pals to help him out every step of the way.

With that said and done, it was high time for something to munch on as a reward, and since there was no Beardo in sight, who's humble abode was back at Lakewood, they settled for the next best thing they could find, and that was Weirdo's at the Danger Zone. Sure, the food he had was for a lack of better term, questionable. But Tamaris especially was hungry, so she was in a mood for a burrito. It resembled one of your run-of-the-mill wraps the original made, but it wasn't really any concern for her, being part monster. Ah, how she enjoyed the taste. Not only was it a favorite food for her, but it was also one of the only things to return in a more humanoid state she prefered. So as she took that bite of her meal, she diminishes a little in size, reverting into said form.

KO however, couldn't help but take in the scent, he was pretty parched after the workout. Then without warning, he hopped up momentarily and bit Tamaris' food, gulping it down. Her face paled at this, and instinctively pulled a little further away. "KO!" she exclaims, trying to hide her frightened expression to the best of her ability. "Oops." He said, rubbing at his head sheepishly. "The burrito smelled too good to pass up. Sorry!"

"It..." She wanted so bad to give him a bit of a scolding, but taking her glance upon her mutant saliva covered burrito bite, Tamaris had no other option to set that aside for a later time, after all. She gives a smile that didn't reach her cheeks all the way. "You know what, it's totally fine. Maaaaybe I forgot to pack you a snack beforehand."

"No worries! I'm having some spaghetti when we get back!" KO chimed in, with a smile of his own that was more playful and genuine. Tamaris gives a sigh from her nostrils. Hopefully things won't turn upside down at least. The two start their walk back to Lakewood Plaza, not taking into account that KO seemed to scratch at his head.

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Several minutes later, the duo arrives back to their destination, just a couple footsteps into the bodegas' parking lot. Tamaris had finished her meal while KO on the other hand... still kept at his incessant scratching from earlier. Did he have lice or something? He had no clue.

"You know you've been going at the itching on the way home, how about a break so it doesn't get all red?" his silver blonde haired pal asked him. "I have?" He took a minute to finally slow it down, moving his hands away from his hair. Two or three of his strands rested on his fingers, and he waves them off.

"So correct me if I'm wrong, but is this usually the part of your day where something drops down from thin air for a battle?" Tamaris asked, using a sleeve to wipe her mouth.

KO was about to answer her question, but he was interrupted when the signature Voxmore box had manifested from the sky, then plummeting downwards the concrete. Once making impact, it opens up all four sides, revealing Darrell and Shannon, with mischievous grins on their faces and combat ready poses.

"Ding-dong, mop face, it's us!" The orange, shape-shifting bot, Shannon cackled, her saw blades out and Darrell's arm cannon was at the ready.

That's when Tamaris decides to take a glance at the two fighting machines. They must be one of the kid's opponents he clashes with almost daily. "I take it these are the bucket of bolts you fight from that building over there?" She inquires, pointing at the Voxmore factory building, which just happened to be across the street from where they were.

"Sure is!" was the child hero's reply, already assuming a battle stance at his advasaries.

"Hey, at least Shannon's head here isn't even an actual bucket, thank you very much!" Darrell seemed a bit miffed by the comment while her sister exchanged a look of annoyance. "Do you seriously have to go there?"

It got a silent giggle from the mutant-shifting woman, before her too, takes a combat ready pose just as the level 3 hero did. "Why don't you go on ahead and be the first to start the battle? I wanna see what we're dealing with."

KO got pretty stoked, starting to hop in excitement. "Really? OKAY!"

He starts out by running towards Darrell, reeling back his right arm, a bright neon blue glow manifesting in a flame. "You hungry? Cause I've packed a POWER FIST SANDWICH JUST FOR YOU!" he calls out, thrusting the arm at the one eyed robot, launching the signature attack. Darrell, was, as always, prepared to counter whatever his opponent could dish out, so with a single shot from his cannon, blasts it away at the last second. He gives a snicker at this, while KO growls irritated, shaking the arm he just used. Dangit, that was no good. Gotta give it another try. Attempt number two, he brings out the left arm now, about to unleash the same attack again. This, however, made him stop a moment when he started to feel a strange tingling sensation in said arm. KO glanced at it, wincing a little, inhaling air slightly from his teeth.

This didn't take long for Tamaris to notice from a few feet, as she watches with uneasiness bubbling up in her being. KO stands there, seeing his forearm become an acidic green color, small, pointed claws sprouting from each fingertip. Four spike-like growths were digging out, one by one. He showed a sign of discomfort, giving a suprised yelp at the sight.

"K-KO?" Tamaris asked rather quietly. This looked exactly like what was happening. Oh Cob. As much as KO wanted to ignore this and just attack already, he was distracted, witnessing the right arm undergo the exact same changes as before.

"Tamaris? Is it me, or do I feel kinda funny?" He asks with a small frown, moving one arm to rest at his forehead. His fingers nearly felt like they were poked at, so upon feeling around more, KO would discover that longer, pointed spikes grew from his head, about four or five of them. The boxbot siblings didn't dare to move, watching the scene before them. Shannon was perplexed while Darrell did nothing but shake a little. Was he... afraid?

Alright, this was getting concerning to watch for Tamaris. She had a troubled look that was clearly written on her face, should she stop this? She wasn't sure.

"Buddy, uh... are- are you, doing okay, over there?" She hesitated to ask. KO's ears grow into what exactly resembled her mutated form's ears. This cannot be happening...

"Fine, Tam!" he managed a thumbs up with all the changes. "I'm fine, really. I..." His situation said otherwise, the stinging feeling now progressing into bodily aches. From his shoulders, which sprouted blades from them, to his toes growing claws. He got cramps all over his frame, wanting so badly to get right back to attacking, but it just kept at it, it wouldn't stop. Even giving his darndest to make a Power Fist interfered with this. KO couldn't concentrate, this was proving to be too much for him. It was distracting to continue further. Once Darrell made sense of what was going on with KO, he shakes in fear, then letting out a high-pitched, frightened scream, hiding behind his sister. KO however, was getting more fearful than him, stammering, unable to make proper sense what was happening to him. "Aaaa, uh. Uuuhhhhh...." he moaned, looking around his surroundings. "Uuuuuuhhhh, no! Don't look at me!" He shouts, covering his face. The mutating hero couldn't bear to let anyone else witness what came next, he immediately retreats towards the bodega to hide inside, stumbling clumsily along the way.

All Tamaris could do is watch him desperately obscure himself from the public, she knew too well what that felt like. Confusion and worry was brought upon her. After what was a few seconds of the two opposing sides gazing at each other, trying to process everything, she takes it upon herself to use part of her mutant abilities and tear apart Darrell and Shannon on her own. Once she reduced them to scrap after, she runs off to the bodega in search of KO.

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Not too long after heading inside, Tamaris could only search for her child comrade in what was said to be the most mysterious, potentially perilous parts of the bodega, and that was: the back room. She ventured inside on her quest to retrieve him all the while keeping a watchful and cautious eye of potential mimics, creatures that can assume the form of virtually anything AND anyone. Being careful not to make sudden sounds, she scanned the area left and right, and with one of her mutant senses, sniffs for a scent. There has to be a sign from the boy, he could be anywhere, all miserable and in pain, Tam couldn't bear to think of what might've happened. Just by then, she finally picked up what faintly sounded like a quick, pattering noise of feet and hands, starting to follow the source of the sound in pursuit. This had to be him, she could feel it!

With a torch now on one hand, so she would see around a little better in the room and a spray bottle with the other, she ventured in more, striding in her steps where the running and skittering noises increase. Tamaris was prompted to get closer, but two mimics in the form of a levitating book and a baseball bat made sudden impact with her, letting out a grunt. Guess she'd have to ward these pests off along the way. The shapeshifting beasts gave a hiss at her while she made a growl back. It felt like a distraction with those hostile obstacles in the way, but made quick use of disposing them with tearing up the mimics with her sharp, pointed teeth and a fraction of her mutant strength to throw them against a wall as hard as she could. With that, they were out of her sight, yelping away.

Good. That takes care of that. Tamaris takes off once again as she at last reaches a corner area further in the room, and hears a shuffling sound of tail and feet, along with small grunts and yelps, clear indication that she's even closer where the noise had shifted direction, then stopped. Thank Cob, finally, the beast in human form thought to herself. Immediately, she flashed the flames' light at the squirming shape, but it quickly turned away.

"KO? It's me..." Tamaris softly called out to who was hopefully in front of her, wanting to take a peak at him. The shape barely budged. But it seemed to give it thought. Seconds later, it turned back to face where Tamaris stood. The creature in the shadows was then revealed to be none other than KO himself. But he appeared to look somewhat... different. His full attention was caught, staring at her and his surroundings wide-eyed.

"Oh. My Cob." The original mutant-shifter was, understandably, shocked at the sight. Her newest friend, with the same ailment she had, she was really dumbfounded. Only he still looked human at most, physically. But the mutant attributes were clearly there.

This was insane, she had to get a better view of him from head to toe, so she called the now currently mutated KO to meet ground level and meet up. "Hey bud," Tamaris called out. "You mind if you just come down here quick? I only wanna see how you're doing!"

KO's response was uttering a small growl, holding at his forehead with a green paw. He moved to hop from where he sat, but ended up tripping himself with his own tail. He tumbles and crashes back on solid ground in a rough landing, crying out when he made impact.

Tamaris came to his aid, holding his claw as she helped him back on his feet. "There we go, KO. You alright?" He had regained composure, shaking his head. "I guess so... I feel fine now," was his reply. At least he sounded like himself, no alterations to his voice whatsoever, so that was a good thing. He rubs at his prickly head with the same arm that begun the change, then stopped to take a look at it. "Wha?" he murmured, his clawed feet and tail then coming into view. He grew confused and curious, hoping what he saw was a mere illusion only he could see. Was it...?

"Tamaris... what happened?" Ooohhhh boy, this was a bad time to break the news. She became practically nervous, tapping her index fingers. No pretending that he got sick, took a hallucinating substance or anything. She really had to do this. Tamaris made a hesitant groan, grabbing a nearby large, wheeled, rectangular mirror. It'd be better if he saw for himself.

Well, that answered his questions and interest. In his reflection, he saw traits in himself that clearly resembled Tamaris: prehensile tail, clawed fingers and toes, spikes and blades peaking out of the skin and the like. KO jumped backwards, with a scream in fright and surprise. "I'M -- YOU!! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" he practically yelled, freaking out now. Tamaris was doing the same as him.

"Aaaaggh, I know! This is a disaster! It's my fault, I made you into what I am, I could've stopped this from happening! I should've warned you about that burrito before and got you a healthy one to have instead!" She was beating herself up so hard right now. Cob, this was awful, just awful.

KO still hollered, running around in a clockwise circle, waving his arms about frantically. After what felt like longer than a minute of being rattled at this turn of events, the mutant child hybrid at last calmed himself and slowed down for a second to meditate, breathing in and out, closing his eyes. Focus, KO. Stop and just focus... Alright, good. He finally regained composure, walking towards where Tamaris still panicked, paying mind to his tail. He rested a hand on her... leg. Not big enough to reach her shoulder, but this'll do. "Hey, hey... Tammie. It's okay... It wasn't entirely your fault."

"No, no! It was, KO. You're this thing I'm stuck with now all because of me!" Tamaris objected at this. How could he possibly have any part of this?

"Well..." KO began, folding his arms behind his back with a sheepish look. "Maybe I might've stopped first to check if the burrito looked okay to eat, then I wouldn't turn into... this."

Tamaris was rather embarrassed, probably as much as he was. "Yeah, hahahah... that had my mutagentic saliva on it. I wanted to tell you, but..."

Wait. That's how he became the scaly thing now. Oopsie whoopsies...

Her and KO both join in after the exchange with awkward laughter at their own expense, then sigh.

Tamaris, exhaled, running her fingers through her messy hair, "Ah, this is gonna suck." She had no idea how he was gonna live through this.

"I dunno," KO chimed in, taking another glance at his new appearance. "I think it won't be as terrible as it may seem. Besides, now that I'm probably gonna stuck like this for who knows how long, that won't probably stop me from what else is coming my way." A pause, blinking twice. "I hope."

His female, mutant-shifting friend shrugged, although not taking exactly what he stated sincerely.

"Ooorrrr," the hybrid thought aloud. "I'm dreaming all of this up and I'll wake up tommorrow morning less thorny and normal!" Or so he thinks. Unfortunately that wasn't to be the case. Tamaris was living in a worst case scenario she can't escape. This should be a fun experience, yes siree.

~~THE END...?~~

Well now that took longer to complete as expected huehuehuehue. Ehhhh...... 😅 Anyway that's that. I don't do written work often but this is as best as I can do! Hope y'all liked it!

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