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ginkgomoon · 3 years

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Gavin and MC’s High School History- Detailed Timeline

Dedicated to my amazing and kind friend @cheri-cheri- one of the Queens of the MLQC fandom on Tumblr! I literally didn’t know how to use it before but I had learnt how in order to keep up with her posts. Without her work, I literally wouldn’t be on here making my own blog either. Thank you, Cheri!!

This is a timeline following the years of high school that MC and Gavin had together. Compiled of dates, rumours and secrets, calls, texts, and other from multiple servers. The source will be shown allocated to its corresponding sentence. I created this because I was really moved when I rewatched Gavin’s Old Days Date and suddenly thought of the many things other players could have missed out on regarding their high school years. If there is anything you need clarification on, or if you would like to add anything in, feel free to send a post/ask or just comment and I’ll try to incorporate and adjust accordingly!

Based off of true correspondence of the Chinese education system in Shanghai, where the schools there are very strict, with specific responsibilities and events students must have and attend to. In addition, this is different from Western school systems where years 7-9 are in a seperate schools from years 10-12 before university. Dates and seasons mentioned will also be noted as accurately as possible to suit the Loveland storyline in which different events occurred. I felt like a detective trying to piece a fractured storyline together to solve a mystery, honestly...

Prepare your tissues, your milk tea and your soul because even I almost didn’t make it to publish this...

Timeline

2008

Gavin enters high school.

2009

MC and Minor enter high school. MC does her hair in a nice ponytail, one of the only hairstyles she ever had in school.

Gavin is a grade above her. He is in his last year of high school. [Spring Festival Date]

Late Autumn of October 2010

“I noticed who you were before you ever noticed me.”

On a rainy first day of school, Gavin helps Mr Keller move the tables and chairs in the classroom.

Without taking an umbrella, Gavin leaves.

At the same time, MC saves a cat in the rain with her handkerchief, attempting to shield it from the incoming rain under a roof. She gives it snacks from her bag while sheltering it from the rain.

Gavin thinks she was nerdy-looking, but couldn't take his eyes off her and watches her from a distance for a long time. He feels out of place standing.

She looks back at him in astonishment, not knowing how long he stood for.

She smiles at Gavin.

Gavin notes that MC’s smile just like her eyes, were pure and comforting as they start filling his vision.

The rain starts to get heavier and MC shivers.

Something stirred in Gavin’s heart as he notices this, and kicks a can in frustration then shelters her with his jacket.

He runs away as MC shouts, “thank you!”

She didn’t know it was Gavin who gave her his jacket at the time.

MC goes back and is then told by her fellow classmates that the boy she encountered was the “tyrant school bully”, and “the Underworld Senior Gavin”, and that she should stay away from him. [Tilted Time- Rumours and Secrets]

MC finds piano dull to play the same songs over and over again.

MC in her spare time practices and sings to Liszt’s Liebestraum No. 3 (Love Dream) for a talent show.

At the rooftop, Gavin is wounded by a gangster’s knife. A gradually intensifying melody is heard.

Gavin kicks the gangster boss but then is pursued again. Outnumbered, wounded and losing consciousness due to major blood loss, the gangster boss kicks Gavin off the roof.

Gavin reaches out, to something- anything.

A heavy, surging melody sounded, transcending through time and allows Gavin to reflect on his past- to his father, to his late mother, and invokes deep reflection and epiphanies.

Heavy notes seep into Gavin’s ears as he almost hits rock bottom. He feels his limbs emerging with the wind and awakens his wind evol.

Gavin is now reborn.

The music continued to play. Gavin ends up humming with a bird.

He then hears MC’s singing.

MC stops, mesmerised by the ginkgo leaves flying through the wind. The ginkgo leaves falling was her favourite time of the year in high school. This vivid sight is still engraved in her memory after many years.

Gavin vows to protect her for the rest of his life. [Campus Date]

Gavin saved Minor from bullies.

Minor also happens to be MC’s outgoing, talkative desk mate who sometimes helped old ladies cross the street. How he managed to hang around Gavin and not get beaten up, nobody knew (except us). He would often copy MC’s homework but never dragged her down with him if he got caught. This was MC’s biggest impression of him.

During science class, MC cooked noodles for Minor on the Bunsen burner when he was hungry. The recipe was Shrimp flavoured instant noodles, mix two eggs in well, then add a dab of sea salt and black pepper. [S1 Chapter 7-1]

Gavin is always at the school gates at 7:30am. Carrying his flat school bag, he orders fish balls at the snack kiosk on the north side of the school. It was the third day in a row that Minor notices this. [Minor’s Memory Book]

Gavin would occasionally travel around on his bicycle. (Pre-debut Sparky??) He says he was good at riding it. [Lost Love Date]

It was hard to find Gavin as he’s rarely at school, so she didn’t see him until 3 days later when MC went to the library at sunset.

She tries to retrieve “Byron’s Poetry Collection” from the top of a 2-metre shelf, and since Gavin was a head taller, he was able to help her get it.

He musters up the introduction that he recited many times- but MC quickly thanks him and leaves before he could speak.

Minor notices Gavin watching after MC and that he was SMIL-ING.

He helps him locate MC and reports that every day after school she would go to the library for afternoon revision, always sitting in the same seat.

Gavin sat at a corner not far, quietly flipping through textbooks he hated. People who were reading in the library would be driven away because they were scared of him LOL

MC would then leave at 5pm sharp to go back home.

Gavin commits to walking back 10 metres behind her with Minor every day on forward. [CN Tilted Time Rumours and Secrets]

Gavin saves Minor from bullies again. Minor dedicates himself to be his “bro”.

He finds out that MC is an honours student, but doesn’t know that she’s the school orchestra leader. [Mystery Wings Event] and [Mark Date] However, he does know that she’s renowned as the “campus belle/ school flower”.

Minor idly mentions that more people were giving MC love letters.

Gavin tells Minor to collect all the people who were planning to confess their love to MC. Minor doesn’t want to be wingman anymore HAHA

Gavin stared those boys down as they trembled with fear. He tells them to take them back and if they scare her, he’ll make them regret it.

Minor realises Gavin’s feelings for MC. [Minor’s Memory Book]

MC eats from a small stall outside the school gate selling red bean puffs. ($3 for one, $5 for two. What a deal!)

She also encounters the stall that sells sugar figurines [Gift of Life- Sugar Figurine Call]

MC ate chocolate sticks often at school. It's also a memory of student life for Gavin, as well. [CN 2021 March Sign-In Taste of Happiness]

Students would scramble for the small swing set in the school garden. MC never went at lunch breaks, but she watches the sunset on it after school. Gavin is sometimes nearby. MC never noticed him, but she does however notice the ginkgo leaves dancing in the wind. [Mini House Small Happening- Leisure Time]

Gavin isn’t his usual self anymore. He sees MC out in the library everyday and starts reading “5 Years of College Examinations and 3 Years of Sample Questions” (book for colleague entrance examinations).

MC watches a basketball match at school. She calls someone from an away team “dashing” because they won with a dunk. This has been engraved in Gavin’s memory ever since. [Dreamers Date]

Gavin found out that he was very fond of basketball success stories, rushing into the court to try hundreds of shots after. He writes “I will beat you” beside Sakuragi Hanamichi from a Slam Dunk poster alongside “not a step back”.

(Slam Dunk starts out with a boy wanting to play basketball to impress his crush.)

Gavin then injures his head badly :(

He realises that basketball couldn’t help him to protect anything he wanted. He determines that he will do whatever it takes (to “beat” himself”). [Mystery Wings Event]

Gavin leans against a tree as he watches MC hurry down the corridor as she clutches a textbook. [Boundary Rumours and Secrets]

MC would eat pocky. Gavin would eat them too. [2021 March Sign-In Moments]

MC faints during a sports meet because she didn’t eat breakfast.

Gavin hurries to carry her to the infirmary. [CN Delightful Search Date]

He leaves bread and milk before she wakes up.

MC is on duty during PE class, which happens to be on basketball.

Minor was careless about his aim and the ball almost hit her in the head. Gavin slams the ball away. [Minor’s Memory Book]

Gavin glares at Minor as MC thanks him.

Minor also “accidentally” pushes MC towards him.

Gavin glares again.

Gavin later is continuously shooting hoops.

MC returns late at night to clean up the gym but all had been returned neatly in the basket. MC wanted to thank him but couldn’t. [CN Basketball Court Date]

There was a school sports competition that they attended. Gavin participated in the 10 lap race and came first by an impressive large measure. [Minor’s Memory Book]

MC participates in the sprint race, too. Gavin is worried about her performance, and if she would faint again.

Gavin requests Minor to take a photo of her on his phone (which probably ended up as the photo that he carried with him in his early days at special training where the other men teased him about hiding a photo of a girl.)

Approaching the End of October

Gavin, Minor and MC are walking home.

The weather is cold, and Gavin notices MC shivering in the distance. Gavin, conflicted by this, tells Minor to buy MC a hot drink without telling her that it was from him. [CN Tilted Time Rumours and Secrets]

MC would occasionally spot a hot drink or a carton of strawberry milk in the piano room. [Chapter 31-12]

Gavin one day is conflicted by their early exchange, recalling how MC looks startled at the entrance of the library after seeing each other. His spirit depletes, kicking himself (metaphorically) in the corner of the classroom at how he might have scared her.

Minor rushes in with a pink bandaid from MC for the wound at his mouth.

He carefully took that bandaid, treating it as if it was his world’s most precious treasure.

This pink bandaid was always taped on his heart and whenever he stepped into the swamp-like darkness of the night, it gave off a faint warmth. [Mystery Wings Event]

MC starts to notice Gavin everywhere. At the corners of windows, she would see his figure. At the library, he would help her retrieve books from higher places. She would also see books laid out on his table, but most of the time he would be sleeping. Beneath his overlapping arms, he sees “Byron’s Poetry Collection”. Gavin doesn’t understand the poems, though.

Lord Byron's "Don Juan" - Canto the Ninth, XVI

"To be, or not to be?" — Ere I decide I should be glad to know that which is being? 'Tis true — we speculate both far and wide, And deem, because we see, we are all-seeing; For my part, I'll enlist on neither side Until I see both sides for once agreeing; For me, I sometimes think that Life is Death,

At the music rehearsal room on the fifth floor, she would see a corner of his shirt in the wind.

MC thinks Gavin is friendly and slowly lets down her guard.

At the canteen, he would offer her the last bottle of water.

She begins smiling at him when they see each other, with the small arcs forming on her lips, soon becoming smiles that made her eyes squint.

MC would walk along the Senior hallways and subconsciously stop at a certain classroom- catching the sight of Gavin sleeping. On one particular day, she sees him standing by the window, staring at the sky.

Minor asks Gavin if he could form a band with him. Gavin rejects him. He then asks Gavin if he wanted to join the school’s singing competition. Gavin rejects him again, saying that he didn’t perform for unimportant people or have others tell him how well he could play.

MC plays “Falling Slowly” on the piano. Gavin hearing this, learns to play the guitar. He doesn’t know the name of the song but familiarises himself with the melody. [CN Music and the Past Call]

Whenever school let students out early, she would go to Lynn’s Kitchen. MC gets her noodles with clear broth, chopped scallions and a half-boiled egg. Gavin usually gets his spicy noodles with garlic, cilantro, thinly sliced beef.

Gavin remembers her favourite order.

MC leaves a post-it note at Lynn’s Kitchen, “I might never see you again and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I miss you”, about a friend who transferred schools.

Gavin knows she hates people who leave without saying goodbye the most.

Gavin, also in the vicinity near Lynn’s Kitchen, writes a post note. “Until I met you.” [Mystery Box Game]

He saves Mr Noah’s son from an accident, immediately takes him to the hospital and pays for the medical fees. [Anime]

Gavin dismisses rumours of high school romance.

“If you confessed on the 7th step of the stairway in the corner of the 3rd floor then it’ll succeed, or if you carved your name and another person’s name on the 6th tree in the courtyard at the back then your misunderstandings will be resolved, or if a guy gave the girl he liked the second button of his uniform on graduation day then the two of them will end up happy together.”

At lunch, he hears MC talking about the second button, and upon seeing her yearning face, he raises his head in thought, suddenly couldn’t wait for graduation. He tears off his second button. [Mystery Wings Event]

Gavin is just in love at this point.

Gavin sees one of the top students stealing money from a shop outside of school. The shopkeeper doesn’t believe him.

He stops the student on his way home to hand him back the money.

MC sees him at the alley then leaves.

Gavin spent all the money on a walkman he wanted for a very long time.

Mr Keller was the only one who believed in him. He said to him, “Since you can’t change what others think of you, you might as well just listen to your heart.” This had a great impact on Gavin. [Campus Date]

Winter

In the snowfall, the school allowed additional ten minutes of break time. The class next to MC’s stuffed Minor’s shirt with snowballs.

Gavin thought of helping him with a counterattack but MC had already returned a snowball to the male student who pulled the prank.

Gavin looks at MC the whole time. [CN Recovery ASMR]

MC overheads girls in her class say that Gavin had bullied students for lunch money that morning.

MC rides her bike back home after studying at the library for her finals.

MC sees Gavin being handed an envelope full of money at Lynn’s Kitchen in an alleyway.

She mistook it for him taking protection money.

Summer of June 2011

On a humid afternoon, MC looks outside the window of the classroom in boredom. A boy in a loose-fitting school uniform ran by. She couldn’t make out his face. [S1 Chapter 7-23]

MC begins to distance herself from Gavin. She rushes out of class and goes straight home instead.

Gavin is sad. He broods by the piano room, goes to the library to brood, then stares at the place MC sits to brood some more.

Minor wonders how he’s able to stare all afternoon at an empty space in the library but sleeps all day during class hours. [Minor’s Memory Book]

Before graduation, Gavin’s father expresses his thoughts for Gavin to join the organisation for special training. Gavin refuses, but his father uses MC to influence him to agree.

Gavin remembers the panic and timidity in MC’s eyes when she first met him. He recalls that moment was probably the hardest to bear in his life.

Gavin in his short period of freedom writes a letter to MC. He ponders about what to say, thinking about their first encounter, and how she started to distance herself from him. But all he writes is-

“Saturday 9am, I will be at the school library waiting for you.

-Gavin.”

MC attends the flag-raising ceremony and rehearses her speech. She then leaves to study for her exams.

Meanwhile, Gavin finishes a fight with other boys from school in an alley after they talk inappropriately about MC. [Old Days Date]

Gavin, bloodied and bruised, asks Minor to make another copy of his letter.

This is the only thing that Gavin had asked Minor to do so of course, he agreed. [Chapter 7-11]

Minor thinks the letter is a symbol of passion and fierce love due to the bloodstains and decides to keep the original.

He writes “GAVIN” and places it on MC’s desk for her to see the next day.

(In the Campus Date, the older MC is the one who finds him instead of Minor and treats him to his injuries. She ends up seeing the contents of the letter to find him later on.)

MC mistakes the letter as a threat and throws it away.

That Weekend

Gavin sits for 14 hours in the library waiting for MC, scanning the library every now and then.

With a fingertip, he rubs “Byron’s Poetry Collection” and carefully sandwiches a dried and yellowed ginkgo leaf into the book. He suddenly felt a measure of self-deprecation.

He stands up, and leaves, his heart filled with regret that he didn’t give it to her personally. [CN Tilted Time Rumours and Secrets]

After Summer Break- July

Minor never saw Gavin, and neither did MC.

“We met often, but never passed by each other. I remember every moment I saw you in school. Time, location, weather, your expression, your clothes...

-I remember them all.”

#gavin #bai qi #mlqc gavin #mlqc analysis #mlqc translation #mlqc cn #mlqc en #love and producer #mr love queens choice #恋与制作人 #mlqc timeline #mlqc storyline #posting early because of exams #im so sad

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sdwolfpup · 3 years

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Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 5 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

@pretty--thief tagged me for this!

Name/nickname: sdw works

Gender: Female

Star sign: Virgo

Height: 5′7″

Birthday: August 31

Time: As in right now? 10:09pm (10:35 by the time I finished this)

Favorite bands: The Decemberists are who I keep returning to, but I love many and varied artists

Favorite solo artists: Peter Mulvey, I suppose, but again: many many

Song stuck in my head: Guster, “Hard Times”

Last movie: As if I have the attention span for a full movie any more. The last one I remember watching all of is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

Last show: I watched an episode of Schitt’s Creek today

When did I create this blog: 2020. Heh. I started ajoblotofjunk back in 2010.

What do I post: Whatever strikes my fancy, usually with a focus on the fandom of the moment, but including animal stuff, nature stuff, poetry, silly videos, my fics, fic recs, gif sets, occasional serious calls to action, inspirational things, learning moments, and bad puns.

Last thing googled: ‘what’s the last thing i googled’ (which, it turns out, I have thoroughly locked Google out of saving that data, so nothing was shown in my search history, heh)

Other blogs: I mean, ajoblotofjunk is still out there and I can still access it from the mobile app, but I don’t use it. I have a twitter, Dreamwidth, and LJ all under sdwolfpup.

Do I get asks: I have been getting more since I remembered to turn on the ability for anons to leave messages, hee. I really enjoy them; y’all are clever.

Why I chose my url: because this is who I am everywhere else on the internet.

Following: 150 (I don’t have ajloj’s stat on this)

Followers: 247 (was 932 on ajloj)

Average hours of sleep: In the last year I have picked up the terrible curse of waking up at 4:30am every day. Occasionally I’ll sleep past that, but 90% of the time, that’s when I wake. I’m working on going back to sleep afterward, but if I can’t then it’s about 5-6 hours of sleep a night for me.

Lucky number: I don’t have one

Instruments: Advanced beginner piano and beginner guitar

What am I wearing: Purple stripey yoga pants, warm fuzzy socks which I’m about to take off because my feet are hot, and a Hamilton t-shirt.

Dream job: Well-paid fanfiction writer and Layabout.

Dream trip: I’d really like to see Ireland and Wales. (And New Zealand, and Iceland, and and and.)

Favorite food: Hot carb with melted dairy.

Nationality: USA

Favorite song: Engine Driver by the Decemberists is usually my go to response on this and I never regret the choice.

Last book read: Joke’s on you, I don’t read books anymore. I’m working on it, and I think my focus is getting better than it’s been all last year, but my reading has all been news articles and fanfic.

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: 1) Star Trek: the Next Generation 2) Schitt’s Creek 3) The Love Boat

I’m tagging... @wildlingoftarth @deifire @iamrands @ragnarachael @teatotally

#memes #but if you want to do this just say I tagged you #i've got your back #long post

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bebepac · 4 years

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WIP 07.29.2020

That time Life imitated art so you decided to use it for your benefit. Yesterday I had call my bank to get a new debit card issued, as I accidentally ran over the previous one. I know... I wish i were kidding. I modified the story slightly. I was coming out the grocery store. Mia was getting gas. There are creepy men in both that decided to see would a woman crawl under a car in a dress instead of help. Both Mia and myself decided not to show our goodies to the world so we are ordering new cards instead. We regret nothing. told you i would totally use it @burnsoslow

First Fight

Pop’s Place Chapter 8

Mia turned on her car. Great… she had to stop for gas.

She went to Sheetz to fill up her tank.

Looking in her wallet, she didn’t see her debit card.

“Shit.” When she went to Old Navy with Daniel the other day she remembered putting her debit card in her pocket. She fished through her wallet. Pops had made her a user for his credit card only for emergencies. She filled up the tank. As she walked back to her car, she stumbled, sending her card flying under her car.

“Seriously?”

She couldn’t see it under her car. When she glanced up, she saw some guys watching her laughing.

She was not about to crawl under her car, in her dress. She thought the best thing to do was move her car. She moved her car enough to see her credit card.

Mia cheered…. Until she turned her card over seeing all the scuff marks on it where her tire had pushed the card into the asphalt.

“How the hell did you run over your credit card MIA?!?!?!?!?” Pops yelled at her.

Mia burst into tears.

“Could you please not yell at me right now, I’m having a really shitty day.”

“And apparently you forgot where you were, because you would know you don’t use that type of language in my house.”

The doorbell rang. “And who the hell is this?”

Mia smirked at Pops.

“I bought this house so I can use whatever language in it I want.”

“Who the hell are you?” Pops said when he flung the door open.

Leo didn’t miss a beat.

“Leo Rys sir, I was at Mrs. Jones’s birthday party.”

“Mia it’s one of your little boyfriends. I can’t keep track of this anymore.”

“Liam’s not with me, before you ask.”

“Why are you here Leo?”

“I feel like some of this is my fault Mia. I should have stayed out of it. I think you green lighted Liam too soon because of what I told you. And I’m sorry for that.”

“Drake claims he wasn’t on the beach with her. He said it was raining almost the whole trip.”

“And I didn’t see the pictures. They were gone when I looked. Mollie is not going to tell the truth. Liam might.”

“I don’t think I can trust either of them right now.”

“Then don’t. Take some time to figure out what you want to do. As long as you hang out with me. I am sure I could get Hana, and Jaiden, and Daniel and Penny and we could all have a good time together. No Drake or Liam. Just us cool kids, and you’re gonna drink damnit!”

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* next up *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

The Crown Visits the South

University Student Ellie Chapter 2

While Riley was in the stall she heard a woman crying.

Riley came out of the stall and washed her hands.

"Are you alright?" Riley asked.

"I told myself I wasn't going to cry today, and this is the fifth time already. We just dropped our son off at his dorm. He's on the football team. It feels like just yesterday, he was a baby. Now he's taller and bigger than I am."

"My daughter will be coming here next month. We're trying to help set up stuff for her."

"This early?"

"We're from out of the country. My husband is from Cordonia."

"I have heard of it, famous for its apples."

"We are. Hi I'm Riley Rys."

"Emily Powell. Nice to meet you."

"I'm sure I will be in your shoes shortly, it still isn't sinking in, my baby girl is going to be going to college."

It was as if saying it made it real for Riley.

Both women burst into tears.

They walked arm in arm to their husband's that were laughing and talking . Both men jumped up running to their prospective wives.

"What on earth happened?" Liam looked at Riley in concern.

"Our baby is going to college."

Both husbands consoled their wives. After Riley and Emily were calm they all made formal introductions. Riley and Liam of course omitted they were King and Queen.

Liam and Riley hit it off with the Powell’s so much that they planned on having dinner with them that evening. They recommended a great steak house. As every time Riley came to the states she always wanted a great steak.

They had a few hours before dinner, after they had left the electronics store, to authorize purchase from some items they knew they wanted for Ellie’s room. 50 inch flat screen tv. New laptop and stereo system. Things she had at home that they wanted to make sure she did not feel without at school.

Finally they were able to go back to the hotel for a little bit.

When Riley came out of the bathroom, She was completely shocked at Liam. Liam had stripped completely naked and was standing in front of the air conditioning unit with his arms stretched out.

“Liam..... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?”

“Riley.” Liam said in his serious Kingly voice. “My balls have been hot since 8:30AM this morning, and they need to breathe.”

“And you playing the song blowing in the wind, is for irony?”

“It soothes me. Besides, it kind of is right now.”

Riley burst out laughing. “And people think I’m the one that’s over the top. It’s really, you Liam Rys.”

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* next up *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

The Crown’s First Gender Reveal

Fast Forward Chapter 13

Later that day as Riley was heading down the hall she heard screaming coming from Nico's room. She turned the door knob, being unlocked, she walked in. She heard Nicolai's loud cries. Nico was holding a crying Nicolai in his arms trying to soothe him.

"He has nightmares. He was in the car with her.. when she…."

"Want me to try?" Riley asked softly.

Nico nodded his eyes full of tears. "I don't know how…It hurts seeing him like this."

She traded positions with Nico, pulling Nic into her arms. Nic clung tight to her, Riley's voice was soft and soothing and reassuring. Nic started to calm almost immediately. Riley ran her fingers through his hair and gently kissed his forehead. “It’s ok Nic, we’re here. It was just a bad dream. You’re here, and you’re safe. His little body was still shaking. “You’re safe, I promise. Close your eyes." She whispered.

She began to sing to him the lullaby that Liam had taught her that she always sang to their children, rocking him in her arms. She felt Nicolai's tense little body start to relax in her arms. Riley's voice changed to a soft hum. Just before she felt his body go limp, he said "I missed you Mommy."

She gently laid Nic back into his bed pulling the covers up on him. Both walked out of the room in silence, as both had heard what Nic said.

“Nico…...”

“I know Riley… I know.”

*^*^*^*^*^*^* end of chapter teasers *^*^*^*^*

Still in the pipleine: Beach Vacation episode of Life of Riley and At long Last. Just as of today I haven’t written anything new on them to post a snippet for your reading enjoyment:

Thanks @losingbraincellseveryday for the tag for WIPS this morning!

Tagging fellow writers to see what they are up to this week, and people that might want to see what’s coming for next episodes. No, I decided not to post the Mia, Drake, and Liam argument. You will have to wait for that for episode reveal.

@queenjilian @dcbbw @hopefulmoonobject @katedrakeohd @loveellamae @kingliam2019 @kimmiedoo5 @sanchita012 @mom2000aggie @indiacater@lovablegranny @mrsdrakewalkerblog @marshmallowsandfire @hopelessromanticmonie @jared2612 @batgirlassociationofgothamcity @texaskitten30 @choicesficwriterscreations @marshmallowsandfire @queenwalton @blueaster-blog1 @bebepac

#bebepac writes #trr fanfic #trr fandom #trh fanfic #trh fandom #fast forward #pops place #university student ellie #ellie rys #crown princess ellie #all grown up #king liam of cordonia #queen riley #riley brooks #trh mc x liam #trr mc x drake

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stephiebutton · 4 years

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So on Thursday before Coachella, my friend (who bows at the Altar of Ariana) sent me Ari’s posts on IG — one of the *NSYNC pay per view concert in which baby Ari was in the audience; and the new video of her lip syncing to Tearin’ Up My Heart. I thought maybe he was trying to convert me to an Arianator, but I honestly didn’t think much of it, nor did he, so I was just like ok, that’s cute!

On Friday, I had several people text me over a two hour timeframe when the rumors started spreading that *NSYNC may be playing Coachella—all while I was at work and couldn’t really wrap my head around it or even take the time to research it myself. At first I was like REALLY? Then I was like REALLY! By Friday evening, I knew something was going to go down, I just didn’t know what. I had convinced myself that they were going to perform, and that I had to be there, and I even researched flights and tickets; but then, I convinced myself that they were only going to introduce her, and I didn’t need to go. I was scheduled to close at work Sunday night, so I basically threw my hands in the air and was like “Oh well, I can’t go.”

Saturday rolled around, and I had a nagging feeling that I needed to try harder to make it happen, because whatever was going down was something that I needed to see. I knew that if I didn’t try everything I could, I would regret it. I had to close at work Saturday night, which means I had to be there around 3pm and work until 11:30pm. The gal that was scheduled to open on Sunday was still there when I arrived, so as she was getting ready to leave, I said “I need a favor...” and for some reason, I hesitated in asking her, like I didn’t really know what to say or how to say it, like the answer could actually change my life, so I just looked at her with a weird sideways smile, then finally asked if she could switch with me, so I come back and open Sunday morning instead of closing. She said she had to check with her family and see if they had plans, and she would get back to me. Thirty minutes after she left, she texted and said it was all good, that we could switch! From that point on, everything just snowballed. I had the biggest obstacle out of my way, so now to make the rest happen...

I went back and fourth about a ticket to the event. At first, I was like, “I’ll figure it out when I get down there,” like I usually do for most concerts I attend. I checked Stub Hub first, and was willing to pay whatever I needed to, but the only problem with that was because Coachella uses wristbands, not tickets, all bands had to be picked up in person. I called them to see what the latest pick up time was, and if anyone could pick up for me, and all other options I could think to exhaust, but it ended up not working out since I wasn’t going to get down there until much later. At that point, I was like “YOLO, I’ll find someone selling one outside!” But then I realized how late I was going to get there, and was like, “dude, if I don’t have a ticket by time I get there, no one is going to be hawking them; so I’m screwed!”

Then finally, I turned to the one place that scares me the most, Craigslist! I went through the posts, most were wristbands for Weekend 2, but I found one for Weekend 1, advertised for the cheapest I had seen any advertised, anywhere! I replied via text immediately, really not thinking I’d get a reply since the event was well underway and the wristband had probably already been sold. To my surprise, within minutes, the postee replied. I asked if it was still available, and he (I didn’t know if it was a he, she or other at the time) replied that yes, it was, but someone was supposed to pick it up later. But he also said that so many people had flaked already, that he wasn’t counting on it. After confirming it was a Weekend 1 wristband, I told him that I wanted it, 100%, guaranteed! The only problem was that he had advertised it from San Francisco and I was across the Bay, and I wouldn’t be able to pick it up until after midnight. He then replied that he was actually in Oakland, which happened to be the city right next to me! I couldn’t believe it! Aaaaand, it was only $200, which happened to be the EXACT amount of money I had in my wallet, and usually I don’t carry any cash at all! I let the mid shift manager know that I had to step out to make a miracle happen!

I’m not going to lie, I was like, “what if it’s a serial killer?!” “What if it’s a ploy to rob me?!” “Am I going to die?!” So I shared the address with the other manager in case the cops needed to know where to find my body. Two associates hugged me in case they never saw me again, and I was on my way. I texted the other manager when I got to the pick up spot, but I didn’t see her reply immediately, so I didn’t reply right away. She was worried that the “Craigslist murderer” kidnapped me and had been the one to text her that I was there safely, even though he had probably already cut me into pieces, just to throw off suspicion. 😂😂 😂 (we may or may not have seen too many SVUs or CSIs). All in all, it took less than 10 minutes to get there, less than 5 minutes for the exchange, and less than 10 minutes back. The course of my life changed in less than a lunch break! Now the second hurdle had been cleared.

I texted a few friends a picture of the Coachella box and they were all in semi-disbelief/not really surprised/kinda amazed/planning my *NSYNC junkie intervention. But they knew, if anyone was going on this adventure, it was me!

I had posted on Facebook trying to get someone to ride down to So Cal with me, so that I wasn’t traveling alone (I would have anyways, but company is always appreciated on long journeys). I was trying to talk my friends and fellow fans into winging it and coming along, but no bites. Finally, at about 9pm, one of my cousins replied and said she, her husband, and their baby girl were considering going down to Disney to join some of their family, and if I was still looking for some road dogs, they were in.

Schedule, check; wristband, check; road dogs, check. Everything was coming together.

I was home from work at 11:30pm, picked a few outfits, packed, showered, and was in bed by 2am. I met with my mom at 6:30am to exchange cars since hers was a little bit more current with the maintenance, and then I was back at work at 7am to get the building open and operating. The morning is still a blur. My fellow manager arrived at 11am, and I was out the doors by 11:30. I met my cousin and family at noon, and we were on our way. We got an hour into the drive and then the gas light came on. I was so excited that I had freaking forgot to get gas before we left! Like it never even crossed my mind. I had one mission, and I forgot all the steps I still needed to take to get there 😂. Luckily we were still close to civilization, so filling up happened, then we proceeded on the adventure of a lifetime. I think we only stopped a couple times for gas and a baby break on that six hour journey to our first stop. Let me tell you, my baby cousin is a true hero! That 5 month old was so well behaved, didn’t need a whole lot, and was just a little trooper. My cousin-in-law did a lot of the driving on the way down and I am so grateful for that, because it had already been a long day leading up to the trip, and it was going to be an even longer night...

We arrived in Anaheim around 6:15pm. They got checked in their room, my cousin-in-law took the car to fill up, while I got ready and prepped for the last two hour stretch of the trip.

I was officially en route to Coachella by 6:45pm. I remember eating very little all day because I just couldn’t, and I remember snacking on an apple and some goldfish during those last two hours to Coachella. (This is irrelevant but I’m throwing in all the deets I can recall).

I had never been anywhere near Coachella or Palm Springs, so I was really disoriented when I finally made it to that last highway before the getting to my destination. Traffic wasn’t horrible, but it was still quite a trek, so I was slowly getting anxiety with each passing minute. I followed directions directly to the fairgrounds, however, it was about 8:45pm at that point, and the streets were blocked a mile in every direction. I circled the area looking for anywhere to park, feeling helpless, I finally pulled over to ask someone what to do, and they informed me that parking had JUST shut down (at this point it was about 9pm). They suggested that I park at a shopping center and Uber in. I found a shopping center 3 miles away and requested an Uber. I was throwing things in my fanny pack trying to get it together because my Uber was on its way. The guy was only able to get me a mile and a half closer because of the street blockages, so I sped walked a mile and a half in, and started the winding path through the gates of Coachella.

I knew Ariana was scheduled to play at 10:30pm, and at this point it was probably 9:30pm, I was close enough, and I knew I would make it. I was no longer worried about making it in, but now I was having major anxiety and freaking out, and semi-crying at what might be happening in the next hour. There was a lot of talking to myself on that walk, the main message to myself was “BITCH BE COOL!” I knew it wouldn’t be a long line, since it was so late and the night was almost over. People were actually leaving as I was walking in and I’m thinking to myself, “don’t you people understand that *NSYNC is about to be on that stage?! Y’all are going to regret leaving early! I wonder how you are going to feel knowing you missed this when everyone would be talking about this in the morning!” But ya know what, not my problem. Their loss!

The walk into the festival felt just as long as the walk to the fairgrounds. It felt like miles of a fenced off path, which was made of dirt, but not just any dirt. The chunks of dirt were so huge, it was like walking on rocks. I was certain I was about to sprain my ankle, but I reminded myself that it would be worth it and the hospital would be there when it was over.

I made it through the gated path, nothing sprained, just a little sweat. I made it through security, and I was IN. I had absolutely no idea where I was going. I threw this trip together so last minute that I had no time to prep. I walked over to a tent covered stage. It was a big stage and I was like is this it?! I was looking for some sign labeling the stage or some list of set times, and found nothing. I asked around, the first two security people I asked were no help! One was so rude, he was like, “I don’t know, did you look at your map!” I’m thinking “mother f-er, don’t you think if I had a map I would know where the F I’m going, why would I waste my precious breath speaking to you?! I was like “dude, I JUST got here and there is no map and I need to know where the main stage is.” So his rude ass referred me to someone else who was nicer, but said that he didn’t know where the main stage was. I’m thinking “are you people kidding me?! How are you working the most popular festival known to mankind and you can’t tell me where the main stage is?!” A little panic started to set in. It was dark, it was getting late, her set was rapidly approaching, and I had no idea where I was going. So finally, I was referred to another guy, who actually pointed me in the right direction. He’s like “its all the way on the other side, past that tent, past the beer garden and you’ll see it.” The act that was on the stage I had first seen upon entrance had just started, and some people were running towards me to get to it, so I was going against traffic, but my destination was clear now. Once I had the stage in my sight, I stopped for a water. The girl selling those very reasonably priced water bottles (only 2 bucks! That was practically free in festival land) was like “I like your shirt” (an *NSYNC crop tee simply styled with *NSYNC across the chest. [PS I DON’T wear crop tops, but I figured, cuando en Coachella right?!]). And I simply asked, “this is the place right?” And she just enthusiastically nodded Yes. It was about to go down. I tried to locate a restroom, because I mean, I had just spent 2+ hours driving and chugging an energy drink and water, making no stops, but there were no restrooms in sight, and I was not about to walk back to the entrance where they were. I had done way too much just to get within eye shot of that stage, I figured, what’s a little pee in my pants?! It was probably gonna happen upon seeing *NSYNC for the first time in 17 years anyways! (PSS I didn’t actually pee my pants. I think my whole body had shut down at the point because nothing more was going to get in my way).

I kinda of walked back and fourth across the field, I walked all the way down the right side. I had one friend there already, but trying to get in contact with anyone in that mass of people was impossible. It was hard to tell where a good spot would be, because a lot of people were sitting down, so getting an accurate read was not happening. I knew just being there was all I needed, regardless of what I could or couldn’t see, but I really did want to see SOMETHING. My brain was all over the place, I was like “I could just start pushing through people. I could go all the way up front but all the way to the side,” the options were limitless. I ultimately didn’t want to cause any drama by pushing through people, I didn’t want a harsh angle of the stage, so I figured if I was semi central I would at least catch a glimpse of whatever was going down, no matter how far back I was standing. I couldn’t actually get centered because the sound and lighting booth was to my left and the people were too packed in to get through any further, not to mention there was a fenced off area in the middle for VIPs. (In fact, that’s where Billie Eilish and Justin Bieber were meeting. I remember seeing the crowd directly around that spot all holding up their lights and phones. I heard rumblings that it was Bieber, but I could not possibly care less, I’m not a fan [again, another irrelevant point, but it’s part of my memory, so whatevs!]) I settled on my spot and reminded myself that being there was enough. I’ve also done enough GA shows to know that when the show starts, people push in and up, so that was going to be my game plan.

By this time, it was probably about 10pm, and I only had thirty minutes to go! I was calm and quiet, because the ONLY thing I wanted in life might actually be happening, and I was there, I was a part of it. Ariana might have been a few minutes behind schedule, and I had no clue when the song I was waiting for would be coming, so I stayed calm and waited for it. It was the fourth song in, and when I heard the first cords to “Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I’m Bored” I immediately started crying, and my camera went up in the air. If *NSYNC was actually going to be there, this was the song. This was my entire trip, the whole saga, coming to its peak, my dreams potentially coming true, 17 years of waiting. This was it!

I honestly couldn’t see much, and I didn’t even see them walk on the stage. This was either going to be the greatest moment of my life, or the biggest disappointment I’ve ever experienced. When the song came to a pause, and she looked over her shoulder, and then uttered the words I’d waited so long to hear again, I lost my whole ass mind. “Ladies and Gentlemen, *NSYNC!” I basically blacked out at that moment, and I only remember bits and pieces. I know I still couldn’t see, but what glimpse I did catch, I really only saw JC at first and I was like “is it just him?” And for a tenth of a second, I was thoroughly confused, but still getting my life and losing my ever loving mind! My eyes darted around, and I finally caught a glimpse of everyone else. (I also still didn’t know if Justin was there or not, because I knew it was physically possible that he be there, albeit, highly unlikely. Honestly, I’ll always love Justin, even though I can’t stand him much of the time, and I did secretly hope he would have made it to this, but I was perfectly fine with the fact that he ultimately wasn’t there). I didn’t know what my camera was recording, and I didn’t care, because this moment was everything. When the song ended, I stopped recording, because that was it...or so I thought. I had never even imagined that there would be more and I was so content with them just singing “It Makes Me Ill.” I didn’t have any time to process because immediately after that ended, “Tearin Up My Heart” started and my blackout went even darker. I managed to get my phone recording again, I still couldn’t see a thing, but it didn’t matter. What I do remember was the people right in front of me, looking back at me, and staring. I still have no idea why, because it could have been my screaming, it’s possible it was my singing, it might have been me sobbing, I may have even bumped them while jumping around. I was not aware of anything I was physically doing. I do remember Ari in the middle hitting that choreography so hard, and when Joey yelled “Let me see you jump!” I think that’s when I snapped back in to reality and I started processing things again. I went even harder with the dancing, singing and jumping, because it was one of those moments when I found myself actively living in the moment, and I wanted to live it the best I could. I’ve probably never smiled that huge in my life. As the song wound down, I stayed recording just in case more was coming (not that I needed anything else, because my life was complete in that moment), so I have them thanking the crowd and Ariana and that was a perfect way to wrap up that video.

Once they cleared the stage, I had to catch my breath, gather myself, and keep

from crumbling to the floor. I remember leaning over with my hands on my knees, trying to get my vision and hearing back. Attempting to process anything that had just happened. I had had a brief exchange with the guy next to me before Ari hit the stage and I was like “I’m here for *NSYNC” and I showed him my shirt. While I was trying to compose myself, he put his hands on my shoulders and was just like “OH MY GOD!” I think that was the general consensus of the crowd, because it was that epic. I stayed for her whole set, and appreciated everything she brought to the stage, but nothing would top *NSYNC. It was one of those show stopping, jaw dropping moments that could never be duplicated.

Because cell service had been so bad during the show, I just put my phone on airplane mode, as to not drain the battery, and I honestly, didn’t give a crap about the outside world. Not a lot of people knew I was going, and I didn’t want to jinx anything, so I kept the details of the trip very quiet, with the exception of a few friends I had texted or messaged directly. So once all was sang and done, I turned airplane off, only to be blasted with texts from friends who knew I was there, checking to see if I was still alive. Because I hadn’t replied immediately, a few of them thought I was dead in the dirt in the desert 😂😂😂😂.

The crowd was clearing out, and I was trying to coordinate a meet up with a friend of mine who scored a wristband earlier that same day. She was the only person I knew there, and I’m so glad I had someone to squeeze after the greatest moment of my life! We went to good ol’ Denny’s to hang out and further bask in the glory of the evening! We had mutual friends, and were pals on social media, but never had the chance to hang out together, so it was great to catch up and squeal about what we witnessed!

Finally, around 2am, I headed out of Indio, and I was on my way home. Yes, this trip was a down and back adventure. I knew it would be brutal, but I knew that it would be worth it. I drove about 3 hours up, and stopped to nap in the car, for what was supposed to be a 30 minute cat nap, but turned into a couple hours 😂. I was on a time crunch because I was due to be back at work at 11am. I got back on the road at 5am and the journey continued. I had exhausted so much energy at the show, that the last five hours of the drive home were harsh! I had to stop several times to stretch and keep my blood flowing, and at one point I knew I wasn’t going to make it to work on time, so I let my manager know. She knew I had gone, and knew I was insane, and was shocked I was still driving home, so she was cool with me coming in an hour or so late 🙏🏻. I made it home to shower and change, then made it to work for another nine hours. Although I was exhausted, I had the comfort of knowing that I had just experienced one of my top two moments in life (the other being the Star Ceremony) and the smile never left my face.

The entire adventure officially lasted less than 48 hours. I’m still amazed that everything went down the way that it did. I’m a strong believer in “if it’s meant to be, it will be.” And this was just another example of that being true for me, and especially when it comes to *NSYNC. I have experienced so many cool things and have countless memories thanks to those guys, and this moment will go down as one of the greatest!

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darkpoisonouslove · 5 years

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For the send title Griffin Heat of the moment Long live the queen Three of my fav one shots! Took some thinking to narrow it down!

I am so sorry this took so long, but life got in the way. I had a terrible night on Saturday and really wasn’t in the state of mind to write this yesterday. Also, tumblr ate my response the other day and I’m still mad about it. So it’s been a fun couple of days. Here’s to hoping this answer will cheer us both up!

“Griffin”:

1. I wrote this when I was on vacation but it took me a while to edit it before I could post it. It was a spontaneous idea that I was so excited to start writing that I stayed up late for it (pretty sure I went to bed at, like, 3:30am because of this).

2. As I’ve mentioned before, it was inspired by “I Fell in Love with the Devil” by Avril Lavigne (damn, I love the song and the video) and my own thought process while I was listening to it. My brain just went “Hey, how cool do you think it will be if Griffin tried to summon the devil aka Valtor and then fell in love with him but it had a tragic ending bc it’s them obvs?” And I went “Yeah, I think that would be pretty cool.” So I just went with it but since I wanted it to keep the winx-verse feeling even despite it being an AU, I decided that Valtor would be known as the all-powerful Dark Dragon which is sort of an equivalent to the devil but not quite. He has all the knowledge on magic and is prone to wrecking havoc everywhere he goes, but minus the ruling hell thing. He’s not ruling anything, he was trapped. Because we needed a summoning ritual in this. Who doesn’t love summoning rituals?

3. Speaking of which, I don’t know how I made those up, but I’m really glad I did. The obsidian idea just came to me but when I did some research, what do you know? It was perfect. And I also managed to tie it in with the Obsidian dimension. I love doing AUs because it gives me so many opportunities to play around with canon details and put them in a new perspective and mold them until they fit this new universe I’ve come up with. It’s my favorite part of writing AUs. The hair thing I know from my mom, a book I read (”A Discovery of Witches”, I think) and internet confirmed. And the tears I just thought would add to the aesthetic and provide some insight into Griffin’s head.

4. I chose the title “Griffin” because this fic mainly deals with the essence of Griffin, with what makes her who she is. Also, I did some research on griffins and they are supposed to be protectors so that also fit in super nicely. I am very proud with the version of Griffin I’ve built in this fic. There is so much anger and desperation in her but that in no way changes the fact that she is actually a good person. Which is why this: “She was strong enough to be a protector. Even with her pain. Even with her rage. Even with her darkness.” is my favorite quote from the fic. I was in a dark place at the time I wrote this and it was important for me to remember that.

5. I also love how Valtor turned out in this fic. He’s mysterious and clearly dangerous but also alluring enough for Griffin to ignore the warning signs. And while it’s clear that he was using her, it isn’t clear what he feels about her. He does feel about her. Maybe not love but he certainly feels a lot about her. She was the only one who managed to summon him (aka rescue him) from Omega so he is intrigued by her powers as well as by the interaction of light and dark within her soul. That is the reason why I have considered writing a companion piece to this fic that is from Valtor’s point of view (there certainly is enough unexplored material on that timeline (I only gave the beginning and ending (is it?) of that relationship)), but I’ve discarded the idea as many times as I have entertained it (until now?). I really have other more pressing things that need taking care of rn but I might reconsider it again when I have more time (will a moment like that ever come?) since I had some new thoughts about it now.

“Heat of the Moment”:

1. This was actually the third Winx Club fanfic I wrote but I posted it as the second one since chapter one of “Warmth of Rage, Cold of Love” wasn’t edited yet at the time.

2. It was actually written at the same day as “Fire and Ice” but it took me a lot of time to get it up on FFN because I didn’t want to post it at first. It was veering on smut so I wasn’t sure how people would react to it. Which is why it makes me so happy to hear that you love that story so much, considering all the doubts I had around it (it was also the first time I was writing about them in the past and we didn’t see anything of their interactions back then on the show so it was pretty much a shot in the dark there).

3. Do you know that amazing moment when you want to write something steamy but you’re not comfortable with smut in this particular situation for whatever reason? This fic is the embodiment of that. Which is why it ended up as dry humping. That’s always my go-to thing in a situation like that. Not actual sex, but you get all the intimacy of sex in it. It’s a win-win (and also hot).

4. I probably would’ve gotten discouraged and would’ve quit writing for the Winx fandom after I posted that one because it didn’t get any attention in weeks. The thing that actually kept me going and not just motivated, but excited me to keep writing for Winx was @her-majesty-wears-jeans‘ review.

5. The whole fic is constructed the way it is because I’m convinced that Valtor loved messing with Griffin in every way possible and that it always set off a competition of wills between the two of them.

“Long Live the Queen”:

1. I was bursting with creative energy and just didn’t know what to work on (not for a lack of ideas but because none of those I already had sparked my interest (I think I had idea-fatigue for all of the wips I already had). So I just picked song lyrics and wrote a fic. How do I do this? It certainly is a mystery to me.

2. So it was all total chance there. I was listening to music on YouTube and when the song ended, the suggestions showed up. One of them was a lyric video for Halsey’s “Young God” (which is totally their story in the past, I mean, come on!) and the thumbnail had the lyric “I’m the king and you’re the queen”. So I just took that and rolled with it.

3. I didn’t think it a big deal because I honestly wasn’t planning on posting the thing. I was frustrated with myself that day and was pretty sure that it wouldn’t be good anyway. And then what do you know? It was good. It was better than good. I actually loved the result. So I decided to post it after all.

4. That last paragraph was on the line until the last moment I posted it. I only added it on the last round of edits and wasn’t really sure about it. I almost deleted it a few times, but, ultimately, I decided to leave it be.

5. I had some random thoughts about what happened after Griffin took the crown. Since it will get so out of control with the length if I try to write this (and I really don’t have the time for that), I’ll just write them out here. In short because I forgot some details that were kind of important. Also, angst alert.

Griffin and Valtor start ruling Domino and Griffin’s worries prove to be true. Valtor is… well, not that he’s not listening to her but in a situation that needs improvisation, he always makes the wrong move. He’s listening to her, he’s just not listening to common sense. He’s angry and powerful and it’s not a good combination.

On top of that, Faragonda shows up at the Domino palace to look for Griffin because she is convinced that Valtor is mind-controlling her. Griffin barely manages to convince Valtor not to hurt Faragonda. He’s suspicious of her because he thinks she’s come to gather intel, but Griffin tells him that Faragonda is there because she’s worried about her.

They form a sort of flimsy truce that allows Faragonda to come visit Griffin so that she won’t be so lonely. And if she spills anything about Valtor and Griffin (not just about their plans, but in general) to anyone at all, Valtor will make sure she regrets it. Griffin is still unhappy, though, and after overhearing (whether accidentally or not so much) one of her conversations with Faragonda, Valtor understands how much the whole thing is weighing down on her conscience.

So after one last very tender night with her, he lets her go. He can’t run away with her because that will put her in danger since the Council will want his head. So he’ll stay on Domino and limit the destruction as much as possible, but he wants her to go with Faragonda. They can tell the Council that she was under his spell and that was why she was acting the way she was. They’ve seen enough of what his mark on people can do so that won’t be hard to believe. And it was Faragonda who saved her from it with some fairy dust.

Griffin doesn’t want to leave him, but she does because she can’t take any more of what he’s doing. Faragonda hides her in Alfea where a few weeks later Griffin finds out she’s pregnant. It turns out Faragonda knew all along (Valtor told her when he called her to escort Griffin to Alfea and gave her a letter for Griffin because he knew that if Griffin knew she was pregnant with his daughter, she would never leave his side). The letter tells her under no circumstances to tell anyone that the baby is his daughter. She is supposed to pretend that that is the heiress of Domino who was born just before Valtor attacked and that he’d been keeping her hibernated (which is why she hasn’t aged and is still a newborn) until they found her. It took them months to get her out of that state which would give Griffin the time to give birth to the baby. And the real heiress of Domino is stuck on Earth with her way back to the magical dimension severed by Valtor’s spell. And it will remain so as long as the Dark Dragon Fire is burning.

So Darcy grows in Alfea, pretending that she is a fairy her whole life. And her power of illusions helps her keep up the charade with Griffin and Faragonda guiding her through the discovery of her magic and helping her understand both light and dark magic so that she can pretend to be a fairy and learn how to control her actual powers. And a little bit of glamor helps hide the family resemblance between her and Griffin. She knows the truth about herself and her father but she keeps all of that hidden like her mother insists.

When she turns sixteen, Valtor appears to tell her she is to take the throne of Domino, defeat him and “claim her birthright”. He gives them a part of the embers the Ancestral Witches used to make him and tells them that that is the evidence of his defeat they are to present to the Council. And he will disappear for he can’t stay with them, no matter how much he wants to. It will put them both at risk if anyone discovers the ruse.

Griffin sees how much of his body mass is missing and follows him to learn what he’s done and where he found the ember. Valtor tells her that he cut off his wings in demon form and made them return to their original form. However, that also had consequences for his human form and he’s dying. He’s pretty sure what he did messed with his internal organs and he doesn’t have much more to live. But he doesn’t regret anything if it means that Darcy will finally be safe and happy. And once she builds her reputation and convinces everyone she’s not a threat, she’ll be able to drop the disguise.

Griffin knows that will never be the case. She’s seen clearly all these years to differ from him. They can never drop the pretense for the Council will be after them immediately. And with Valtor dying in her arms, she’s not sure if Darcy can protect herself. She’s never used the full potential of her Dragon Fire and Griffin fears it is too late for her to do it. She fears that having to pretend to be someone else her whole life has destroyed who Darcy actually was. And she fears that it is all her fault. Because she took that crown when she shouldn’t have. When she knew it was the wrong choice.

So after Valtor is dead, Griffin sets out to find out how to bring the actual heiress of Domino back to the magical dimension in hopes that if the two kinds of fire mix and both girls learn to control them, the Council will not hunt down her daughter. A perfect mix of light and darkness is her only exit. But can she be sure that she can achieve it now when she couldn’t years ago and that was what set off the whole chain of events?

So this was longer than I expected but I like how it turned out. Except for the insane levels of angst which I’m pretty sure we’re all used to, but that still doesn’t make them any less painful. Anyway, hope this makes up for the delay!

#ask #silverdragonstarlight #griffin #heat of the moment #long live the queen #griffin x valtor #winx darcy

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wakandanblogger · 6 years

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Catching His Eye pt.2

Summary: Your friends finally get you out of the house and onto the dancefloor! But, you catch the eyes of a predator, and he’s after you.

Paring(s): Erik Killmonger X Reader

Warning(s): Language, Mild Violence, Eventual smut

Rating: 18+

A/N: Thanks so much for all of the positive feedback on part one. Sorry to post this SO LATE but I got so excited I just couldn’t wait! It’s also 3:30AM but whatever, right!? I hope you enjoy this one as well!

(Gifs are not mine...)

Part 1

TAGLIST: emoniclark22 the-ruler-of-death slimmiyagi feminominal ashanti-notthesinger korrababy disneysdarlingdiva heyauntieeee sincerelyjamaica foureyedsiopao myboyfriendgiriboy scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade

Catching His Eye Taglist: emoniclark22 the-ruler-of-death slimmiyagi feminominal ashanti-notthesinger korrababy disneysdarlingdiva heyauntieeee sincerelyjamaica foureyedsiopao myboyfriendgiriboy scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade youreadthatright missumuch1918 aykanna thadelightfulone suburbanblackhoe cutewylie iamrheaspeaks zxddy-panther cancerianprincess vanitykocaine misswakanda2018

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“Shhhh, You don’t want to make a scene do you?” He chuckles, his eyes were almost similar to Erik’s and you saw fangs, real fangs, not a grill. Your eyes widened and you started to kick but it was no use, he was between your legs and all you were doing was hurting your hips.

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“What was that about?” Desmond pulls you back towards him once the girls and Quida’s new fling go out to the floor once your squad song comes on. You flinch a little, seeing Erik’s intense eyes in Desmonds, but you quickly shake it out of thought.

“What are you talking about Mo?” You try to regulate your breathing, still a little in shock at the experience you just had. Desmond eyes you and looks directly at your neck, brows furrowing. Feeling that you’ve been found out your cover it with your hand nervously.

“Tha fuck you mean? I saw you out there with that nigga,” Desmonds face rests and he nudges you, “I mean if you tryna fuck...”

You can’t help but push him and laughs at his joking, you can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. The bites or bruises, whatever the hell they were, began to sting a little. You hiss but return to your friends, you still wanted to spend much needed time with them but in the back of your mind, you craved this man. Why were you falling for a complete stranger so hard? Well, let us rephrase that, who the hell is he? He seemed, different but powerful and unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. His voice was of course just like any other nigga from the streets, but it wasn’t that obnoxious confidence, it was almost royalty.

Curiosity got the better of you and you just couldn’t stand it. Was he really waiting for you? Did he really have the confidence to know what you were going to do? You needed a drink, so you excused yourself to go to the bar. You grit your teeth at the pain your heels were causing you and lean against the bar, “ Margarita please,” You breathe. The bartender nods and begins to make your drink, when it was finally finished you began to chug it. Finishing it the bartender chuckles and waits for your next command, “Stronger,” you chuckle nervously and go to push your hair behind your ear.

Those fucking eyes. You wanted to stare into them forever or at least for as long as you possibly could. When you look up towards the door you gulp and push yourself off of the bar. Before you could take your first step, “Where you goin’ girl?” Ashanti laughs coming back up to the bar, torso dripping with what you assumed to be her spilled drink.

“O-oh um, just going to get some air. It’s hot as hell in here,” You smile and eye her up and down, “What happened?” you laugh.

“Damn old dude knocked my drink over trying to make a move on me,” She groans, “Gummy bear please.” Ashanti pauses a moment and looks at you with a raised brow then smiles.

“I can’t get over how freaking sexy you look right now,” She smiles and pokes your exposed belly, causing you to take another step back and slap her finger. The two of you laugh and you sigh, “If I don’t come back-”

“I knew it! You’re meeting that man!” Ashanti laughs but is cut off by a harsh ‘shh’ from you. She folds her lips in but you could still see that she was smiling. “Go ‘head girl~,” She smiles and takes her drink before turning and making her way back to the dance floor.

“Oh! Ashanti!” She stops and turns, waiting for your next words, “Give me Desmonds keys, I need my damn flip-flops,” you laugh and Ashanti scoffs, making her way back over to you.

The entire walk seemed like a cross-country run in these heels and as much as you wanted to not do it, you had to. You stopped in the front of the club where you came in and stopped at a seat to lean against it and unhook your shoes. Your toes were killing you and these hoes needed to come OFF! When the shoes were finally off you let out a sigh and looked around. You sigh when you didn’t see anyone that would recognize you because you didn’t exactly get a good look at Erik. But those eyes, you would remember forever.

You decided to turn your lie into truth, you needed some fresh air. As you pushed through the front doors, the echo of the music faded and you sat down alone on a bench for a second to let your feet breath. It was quiet here, the only noise being the cars that drove by.

“Uuuuugh what are you doing?” You groan dropping your face into your hands. What were you doing? No man has ever made you feel this way, but this one was something you’ve never experienced. You were used to the eyes of men and the attention of men, but you were never left high and dry like this one did.

Is this rejection?

Wait, he told you to come here, but where was he?

Does this count as rejection?

What the fuck was going o-

Your skin crawled when you felt the warm fingertips venture up the back of your arm and rest on your shoulder. Quick shivers travel up and your head snaps up to see an older drinking man leaning against the brick wall of the club. Of course, how stupid. You harshly brush the man’s hands from your shoulder and you can’t help but feel played.

“Leave me alone,” You breathe standing up and making your way down the sidewalk, “Fucking drunk,” you whisper to yourself.

You managed to cross the street without getting run over and god why did your feet hurt worse, now that the shoes were off? Why the hell was the clubs parking lot across the street and in an alley and why was that the only available parking? You groan and tough it out and tiptoe across another street to the painful sidewalk. as you walk you felt footsteps. Instinct kicked in and you had to hurry and make it to Desmond’s car. It didn’t cross your drunk mind to ask Ashanti to walk with you but there was no turning back now. Just when you decided that you should turn back, you turn around and is quickly pressed back against the brick wall.

“Ouch! What the fuck! I said leave me the fuck alone,” He stood with his knee between your legs with both hands on your shoulders. His fingers grazed over your bruised neck from Erik and he scoffs at it.

“He’s not ready for a woman like you,” He grunts.

What the hell was he talking about, he’s not ready? You yelp at the pain and regret ever coming here, not staying home, none of this would be happening.

“He-” He covers your mouth and licks his lips.

“Do you not get the idea, of marking?” You hear a voice, his voice. The tears flowed down even more now that you knew you were going to be rescued from this monster. Erik grabs the man by his shoulder and jerks him back from you. You gasp and drop down onto the sidewalk with a hard ‘oof’. Panting you were in a state of shock and unable to move.

Run! Fucking run! Why are you still sitting here!? GET UP!

The man let out a snarling laugh, “You ain’t ready for all this woman, Udaku. Go back to fuckin’ whores for fun,” The other man grunts and casually starts walking your way.

The man was built and looked like an experienced, absolute jerk. His bald head catching the neon lights and his full beard only accenting the teeth he had. He smelt of smoke and whiskey, so who knew what he was capable of.

Erik’s eyebrow flicks and a growl bubbles in his chest at the name, but he smirks anyways. “Not my name, but don’t sweat that shit,” He smirks rolling up his sleeve, “don’t want you blowing a hip or nothin’ pops, so I’ll take her off ya hands, come on baby,” He says turning his attention to you. He holds out his hand to you and just when you are about to take it you are snatched up but the man and thrown over his shoulders without issue.

“Don’t!” You screamed and with that, Erik lunges at the man, eyes golden and fangs out.

Fangs!?

From what you saw, the golden grill that was once in Erik��s mouth just a few moments ago, lie on the sidewalk and was replaced with actual fangs. Erik kicks straight for the man's stomach but misses as he moves out of the way. The man chuckles and turns straight running straight for the darkness of the alley. You hear something dropping and a growl. In an instant, you are being dropped again on the harsh concrete and gravel. You manage to push yourself up and before he can grab you again, you turn and swing the one heel left in your hand full force. It connects with his jaw and he bends over cursing at the pain then lets out a snarl.

“Help!” You scream trying to run down the alley back to the main road but you feel hot and heavy breath on your neck before you trip on a block. As soon as you fall you are being covered by a different large creature. It growls and huffs, steam blowing from its nose. When you look up to see just what the hell it was, you fall back instantly pushing back. Your voice getting stuck in your throat and your eyes wider than they had ever been.

What was going on!?

Who are these people!?

The creature had seemed to notice you or was too busy looking at the other man, or whatever he was at this point. It was impossible to see just who exactly was who, or who to trust. There is a sudden yowl and another comes charging from the fog and barreling straight for you. You couldn’t see what was going on or what was what. All you knew was that they weren’t of this world! They weren’t human!

You let out a terrified scream just as the animal behind you lunges forward and straight into the other. You couldn’t take your eyes away from the madness, frozen with fear. They tackle and sink their large fangs into one another. Yelps, snarls, car horns and smashing was all you could hear. But the growls were replaced with grunts and human yelling at certain points.

When you finally came back to reality you push yourself up and whimper at your hurt knee but push forward.

You hear a loud snarl, another loud bang, the alarm from another car, and then a chuckle.

Run.

Just when you are about to turn and run for the main road a huge dumpster is thrown in your path, crashing just a few feet in front of you. You end up running into it trying to push it but it was no use.

“No! No! No!” You bang your fists just when you hear the chuckling of what seemed to be the older man. Tears flowed down your cheeks and you press your back against it. Your silence turns into sobs when he holds out a bloody hand at you to take while he drags Erik’s limp body in the other. Blood was running down four large claw marks on his chest and shoulder. You push away his hand and continues to beg for him to let you go, for him to leave you alone. What you said, you had no idea but you were sure it sounded pitiful.

“Aren’t you happy?” He sarcastically whines approaching closer, “I brought you this!” He drops Erik’s body at your feet and he groans, coughing.

“He had to know that this was going to piss me off, enticing me with your scent back inside,” He snorts and tilts his head at how pitiful Erik looked while trying to push himself up. The man kicks Erik in the stomach yet again and he begins to laugh. That laugh was sinister and chilled you down to the bone. His teeth caught the light of the moon and you wondered why no one heard any of this.

“Don’t you want someone who can protect you!?”

“P-please,” You whine trying to hide behind your arm but he gently takes it, the blood now rolling down your forearm. You push and try to get away from him, your eyes darting from Erik’s to this monster that stood in front of you. You can hear Erik groan when his neck is pressed down against the gravel by this mans boot.

“Stop it!” You cry out hitting his chest earning a chuckle from him. He leans in and just when he’s about to sink his teeth into your goosebumped flesh he stops suddenly. Eyes wide the both of you look down to see a bloody spear just inches from your own abdomen. It is suddenly jerked out and the man falls forward against you, you can’t move under his weight.

Frozen once again, you stare into the dead eyes of your attacker before they are pulled off of you. The body falls in front of you but you only see the back of a woman in red and gold holding a bloody spear.

TO BE CONTINUED???

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Thank you so much for reading! Like or reblog if you liked this!

#black panther #bp #black panther x reader #angst #violence #violent #blood #gifs not mine #erik killmonger x reader #hybrid #catching his eye #part 2 #erik killmonger x reader angst #hybrid!erik killmonger x reader #hybrid!erik killmonger #michael b jordan x reader #michale b jordan smut #michael be jordan x reader smut

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armlickers · 5 years

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Anthem World Tour :: Metropolis Fremantle :: August 15 2014

(Originally posted to my LiveJournal on August 20 2014.)

Friday night marked the first time I’ve gone to a concert outside of my home state of New South Wales. And of course I had to pick the final show of Hanson’s Australian tour for said concert – which for the Shout It Out and Anthem tours has been in Perth, Western Australia. In other words, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY. I am clearly nuts.

But I digress. Concert day, for me, started bright and early – woke up just before 4:20am, having arrived in Perth the previous morning on a 9am Virgin Australia flight from Sydney. I’m blaming the time difference because Perth is two hours behind Sydney. Had my breakfast, took my medication and caught up on Twitter and Facebook (discovering in the process from a friend that the lineup for the MOE that night had already started – at 5:20am), and once I was dressed I spent a bit of time doing my nails while I waited for my phone to charge. Once that was done I grabbed everything I needed for the show (wallet, camera, tickets, package of Sour Patch Kids for something the Street Team had planned, phone and spare batteries) and headed off to Perth train station to catch a train to Fremantle. Arrived in Fremantle just after 8:10am and at Metropolis itself at around 8:30am. I was there so early that I ended up being seventh in line – a guaranteed front row spot for MOE for the very first time. Dropped off my Sour Patch Kids in the pile that was beginning to accumulate, and spent a bit of time chatting with the other Street Teamers who had arrived ahead of me and helped out with putting labels on all the little packets of lollies.

At around noon I decided an expedition to Coles and Woolworths was in order, to see just how many more packages of Sour Patch Kids we could collect, and I headed off with my friends Selina and Carla. We didn’t find any in Coles, but in Woolworths we hit the jackpot. In the end we toted an extra twenty-eight packages back to Metropolis. I headed off again once we got back in search of something for lunch, and picked up a copy of Perth’s free street press The Music on my way back – it had an article about Hanson in it, and because I’m a nice person I passed it around for everyone to read while I ate my lunch and helped out with labelling more of the Sour Patch Kids. My friend Aimi rocked up around half an hour later – it was our first time meeting, after having been friends since a few months before the 2005 tour, so it was nice to finally meet her face to face. Hung out in the cafe a couple of shops down from Metropolis with my new friend Jen for a little while before MOE, trying to stay warm (as it’s winter in Australia right now) and putting off going to get in line for MOE check-in. Which we had to do eventually, and I got my name ticked off and my hand stamped a bit before four o’clock. They let us inside about twenty minutes later and I made a beeline for the barrier – ended up just to the left of Zac’s drums.

MOE started just before 4 o’clock. I have never heard Hanson fans be so quiet while any member of Hanson is onstage – you could almost hear a pin drop. As with the previous MOE in Sydney Zac wasn’t there – all three of them were unwell during the tour, but for whatever reason Zac got hit the hardest and lost his voice. He was on doctor’s orders to stay quiet, otherwise he could have ruined his voice. And nobody wanted that to happen. So only Isaac and Taylor were at the MOE, but it was still pretty awesome regardless.

1. Call Me 2. River 3. I’ve Been Down 4. Take Our Chances 5. Down 6. The Sound Of Light

First two were solos by Isaac, while Taylor took the stage for songs three and four. Taylor decided to heckle Isaac a little bit from the side of the stage just before River, by yelling out “SING THE SONG” – cracked us all up. There was a short Q&A session once they had finished performing, before we all got our group photos and were each given a signed photo of the band to make up for Zac not being there. Once all the photos were done there was a mad stampede for front row, and I lost my spot, ending up in second row for Adam Martin’s set. He came onstage at around six-thirty, and during his set I sneaked my way across to the far left of the barrier, on Isaac’s side of the stage. Adam finished a little while after seven o’clock, and while we waited for the stage to be set up for Hanson’s set everyone in the audience spent a very enjoyable hour singing along to 90s songs that were being played over the club’s sound system.

Eight o’clock heralded Hanson’s arrival onstage, for the final time in Australia this tour.

1. Fired Up 2. I’ve Got Soul 3. Where’s The Love 4. Runaway Run 5. Cut Right Through Me 6. Hey

Acoustic set:

7. Penny And Me 8. Weird 9. Yearbook 10. Hand In Hand (Isaac solo) 11. Save Me (Taylor solo)

12. This Time Around 13. Tragic Symphony 14. Thinkin’ ‘Bout Somethin’ 15. Give A Little 16. Get Up And Go 17. If Only 18. MMMBop 19. Get The Girl Back 20. In The City 21. Long Way To The Top (AC/DC cover)

Encore:

22. Lost Without Each Other

Now, an explanation for the Sour Patch Kids thing – during a livestream prior to the Australian tour, the guys were asked if they would ever do another show on New Year’s Eve. Taylor said that if they ever got a million packets of Sour Patch Kids, they’d consider doing so. So the Australian Street Team decided to run with it, because we’d love one here (even though it’ll probably never happen – we can dream, though). :D Those of us going to the Fremantle show were asked to bring a 10-pack of Sour Patch Kids to the show (the packets that Selina, Carla and I bought and added to the pile brought the total up to about three hundred), and we each chucked a couple of little packets onstage at the end of the encore. The guys got a kick out of it. :D My highlights this time were finally getting to hear Yearbook live, and the cover of Long Way To The Top. I love AC/DC and they nailed it.

I seriously cannot wait for Hanson to come back to Oz. I know it’ll probably be longer than two years this time, but I don’t mind. I don’t regret my trip to Fremantle to see them one bit – it was an expensive trip, but you know what? I got to hang out with my friends, I got to meet Isaac and Taylor again, and I got to go to the final show of the Aussie tour. It was worth every last cent.

My photos from this show can be viewed here. The camera I used was a Panasonic Lumix DMC-FH1.

#hanson #concerts #anthem world tour #review

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recapthecourt · 3 years

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Diving into University Sport Part 2: New Beginnings

Jacob Smith

The first weeks of the women’s team was basically the same as the men’s for me, if not more anxiety. This women’s team I was joining, like the men’s, had a core group of veterans that kept things going and the chemistry of the team felt much like a family. For me, while I was comfortable with my job, I definitely wasn't confident, I hadn’t felt like I proved myself yet and I definitely believed nobody really had a reason to know who I am. I would walk into practices in September and immediately go do what I was instructed to do and what I knew I would have to do from doing it for the men the previous year.

I didn't talk to basically anyone aside from Rao and I was slowly getting used to being around the squad. I felt star struck I guess. I was around all these people that I had looked up to for years and I was now in charge of getting people to their games. I walked into practice every day and would see Jess and Tatti, Baelie and Allie, Kristin and Shannon. I was the new guy at work except work is 18 good friends and you’re the 19th with no real connection to anyone. Shit got my heart going that's for sure. I knew I had to get to know them so my job would be easier but I had no idea how I would do that. All I knew for sure was I really didn't want to fuck this up, so I had to get to work.

One of the first players I got to know was Jenneke, transferred from the University of Windsor. Her birthday was about 2 weeks after I started the job. Trying to figure out how I was going to do a post on social media wishing her a happy birthday when she was a new addition to the team and I was still getting settled into the new team was interesting. I wasn't exactly a photographer at that time and marketing hadn’t really gotten going yet because there was still about a month and a half until the season actually started. I was trying to figure out how to get a post out wishing the new transfer a happy birthday, get her name out there more amongst the Brock community that she’s so involved in having been raised in St Catharines. The idea I came up with wasn't exactly what you’d call professional but it got me off on the right foot, not missing a task.

I figured out a way to introduce myself to the girls I guess. Through posts and asking for different things for social media. I met Jenneke through that request for a photo taken from my iPhone against the wall in Bob Davis gym. Over the course of the next 3 years she would end up becoming one of my closest friends, a person I care about a lot and one of the most committed people I’ve ever met. Her, along with a few others, really made me feel at home when I was with the team and she fueled my passion for what I do because I constantly reminded myself that I was doing it for her and not for me. I wanted to do all I could for her because she was always so nice to me, and that thought carried with me for the years to come, and it still does.

The mindset of not doing what I do, for me, but for the players and staff on the team, pushed me to do things I didn't think I was capable of doing, and that mindset only got drilled in further as I met more and more people on the team.

The next person I started to get to know was Elise. Before every practice I would shoot around, and you could say I enjoyed a 3-pointer. I started extending my range for fun and that turned into half court shots. I think with some interest gained from players seeing the half court shots, a half-court tournament started happening at the start and end of practices with Cedi, Elise, Sofia and myself with Taylor going in when he could. We bet chocolate milk tokens, tim hortons, other meals, anything you could think of. That went on throughout the season and it allowed me to get to know Elise who is one of the most positive individuals you will ever meet, and made me laugh constantly.

As the first semester went on and I spent more and more time around the team I got to know 2 people who had pushed me to join the women’s team in Baelie and Allie. As I mentioned, I looked up to them during my first two years at Brock, so I was incredibly excited to get to meet them, once I got the confidence to do so. I had reached out to Baelie near the end of the 2017-18 year once we got back from Nationals because the WEAREREADY team was doing a series where we interview players and Baelie was one of them, but we never got the chance to really introduce ourselves to each other so we were still not so acquainted. I of course did what I did for Jenneke, reached out to them about content for social media, and our discussion stemmed from there. They proved me completely correct on my presumptions about the type of hard worker and selfless people they were. They became my best friends rather quickly and they’re still people I hold very close to my heart and will always do whatever I can to help them even a fraction of the amount that they’ve helped me. I can go on and on about the two of them but as I talk about what transpired throughout the year I think you’ll get the idea.

So back to what transpired throughout the year. September went by rather quickly. Practices, couple exhibition games meetings, prep for the season, the standard things teams do in the off-season. I spent a lot of September kind of in the shadows, still getting my footing with the team and figuring out where I stand and what kind of liberties I would be able to take. I had a plan for social media but September was still a time to experiment and watch to see if there’s something else I could do, perhaps stemming from the closeness of the team and the relationships within. I slowly started working on more things, putting my writing into effect as fast as possible because that was something I definitely wanted to grow, putting a lot of effort into. I got used to the birthday posts and alongside my excellent partner Mackenzie, we devised a plan for the season and how promotion and game days would work.

October came around, the season was now under a month away. On the basketball side I was still getting used to being around everyone and used to my role. The feeling of being the new guy never went away that season. On the promotional side, I could really feel myself getting into a groove. I knew what I was doing and I was getting to a point where I was so efficient at what I was doing that I felt like I needed to add more. The basketball articles I was writing were taking a maximum of 30 minutes to do. Despite the fact I was doing a significant amount between practices, full course schedule, writing, planning and general management of social media, I felt like I wasn't doing enough because I had so much time to spare. I felt like since I had this free time and I was so committed to going above and beyond that season with what I was doing with the team, I had to devote that time to basketball and do more than I was doing.

Could I really tell myself I was doing all I could if I had so much extra time at night after doing school work? I could be using the extra time to write more articles, plan more projects, study more film, get to know the players better, something that would help me with my position. So that's what I did. I wrote articles about other teams to grow my writing skills. Wrote an article about Jensen Murphy of the women’s hockey team, Laura Condotta of the women’s volleyball team, I had written an article about Taylour Hurd of women’s rugby in September. I started using the time to get better at my craft and become more productive.

This led to what some would call an insane work schedule. By the start of the season and throughout the year I would wake up at around 6-6:30am, catch the 6:50 416 bus to Brock to get there just after 7am, and I would be on campus, whether it was in class, practice, or the office, until the last 416 bus came at 11:30pm. This became a regular occurrence for me, even on weekends where I’d be on campus in the office from 10am-7pm.

I wanted to give as much as I could to the team to help them as much as possible. I wanted to spread the word about them and help drive conversation towards their team and what they were accomplishing. I say “their team” because for the first while I was still struggling to accept that I was a part of the team. For the first months I felt more a part of marketing which didn't really exist in the form it did the previous year, as I did the team whose practices I attended 5 days a week. I felt like the guy who just brought people to their games and attended practices so I could know what to talk about, not like the guy who was a team manager and assistant to go along with my marketing role.

Going back to the home opener and driving people to their games, that was probably the best turnout aside from seniors night that we had all year. If I remember correctly we sold out the home opener, as we usually do and it created a buzz that I could try and build off. Unfortunately the turnout didn't exactly get better. This is where I’m going to talk about my biggest regret of the year. I couldn't figure out what it was but no matter what happened, the turnout never matched that of the home opener. The games following that significantly decreased, and throughout the month of November it got visibly worse.

That made me do more, I wanted to push their attendance higher but what I was doing wasn't working, so I worked harder. I thought about new ideas on the promotional side like individual feature articles on top of the ones I was doing. I put out more content on social media and gave people a better look at the team with the hope of driving interest. I kept working 12-15 hours a day. I spent every waking hour of the day at school and I dedicated all of me that wasn't being occupied by classes, to the team. I came on more weekends when there wasn't games and earlier when there was. I pushed myself more and I really wanted to figure out what the key was to driving fans to games.

The meridian game came and that was the biggest shock of the year. The game is usually something we smack out of the park. We do everything at a higher level than we ever have and the night turns out to be an unforgettable one. For this game against Ryerson it was one I wanted to forget. I guess I thought I was doing a better job than I was doing but that night left me with so much disappointment. The arena was maybe a quarter of what it usually is for those games, the crowd that was there wasn't the loudest bunch aside from the group of Ryerson students that took the trip down. People definitely noticed the lack of fans and I saw and heard several comments myself regarding the emptiness, and it hit me hard.

The biggest night of the year and by what I was hearing, it did nothing but let people down. I thought I could handle doing the job myself and I thought I could keep up with what we were doing the previous year but boy was I wrong. Nothing like going through photos and seeing nothing but empty seats in the background to really let you know shit could’ve been a lot better.

That got me down for quite a while, not going to lie. I thought about that Saturday night and I still do. I still wonder what I did wrong because I felt like I was doing everything at the time. It got me down, and it annoyed me, to the point where I came back in January following the winter break with a mindset and determination I never had for anything before. I was pissed off at myself and I felt ashamed for the product I had put out on the biggest night of the year. I put that anger into my work ethic and I pushed the hell out of myself in the month of January.

I wanted to make up for that night and the letdown that it was. I did 3 hallway promotional walks, put up posters, posted on social media every day of the week leading up to the meridian game, wrote 2 articles during the build-up, and it all led to nothing. I wasn't going to let that be my legacy with the team I joined ready to lead it to new heights. I got a camera over the winter break and I was coming back in January ready to add another asset to my what I do. If what I was doing wasn't enough, there had to be more, and there was.

The second semester started with a trip to Niagara College for 2 days and 2 games. It started out with quite the debacle that I wasn't expecting but I think it brought me closer with a lot of the players on the team. There was an issue with the timing of practice and the clarity around how long it was and whether it was optional or not. By this point in the year I wasn't exactly close with many people aside from the coaches, Elise, Jenneke, Baelie and Allie. We had our Niagara College games in the afternoon but practice before hand was in the form of a shoot around. What had been told to everyone is that shoot around is for 30 minutes and you can show up any time within the hour the gym was open, as long as you were in there for 30 minutes. I got a drive to the gym and then to Niagara with the two people I was the most comfortable with at the time, Baelie and Allie.

We showed up part way through the hour, an issue arose with the scheduling and miscommunication, I ended up explaining what the issue was in front of the entire team and it was probably the most anxious thing I did that year, but things were cleared up and nothing came of it, so I would say situation well handled.

Long story short, a situation blew up larger than it had to be, I got anxiety from it, the players respected it and me sticking up for them and we were on to Niagara College. Needless to say we won both games very easily. The OCAA competition that took part in that event wasn't exactly up to our level. We had actually played at Niagara at the start of October before the season started and I was told at half time to stop keeping score as they weren’t going to finish the game. I don't know if they told the same thing to the players but that evening was a great confidence booster.

We went on to start the second half of the season against the injury riddled Western Mustangs, got a nice W and things were on their way. It was the last month and a half of the season already and I had to kick things into gear if I wanted my legacy to really improve. Thankfully 2 weeks later I got the chance to cement my legacy and I feel like I did just that. Something that didn't really hit me with WEAREREADY, was just how much effort went into the Bell Let’s Talk and Shoot for the Cure games, I just saw it from the perspective of a very small cog in the machine. By this point in the year, my work all day every day in isolation was in full swing. I was working 7am-11pm Monday to Friday and 10-7 on Saturday and Sunday to build the brand that is Brock Women’s Basketball, disappointing people with outcomes of fans, hating myself for it and trying again harder the next week. I was determined to knock one out of the park even if the results didn't show that.

I wasn't going around talking about my hours on campus working, unless they were curious or brought it up. I was very much stay in the office until everyone went home, go for a stroll to stretch the legs, get food and go back to the office that nobody knew how to find unless you had been in it before. I lived in my little work filled isolation and the hours flew by, mostly without me realizing, until the weeks of Bell Let’s Talk and Shoot for the Cure when I decided to keep track, and it surprised me even though I knew what I had been doing.

13 days in a row working on campus, 182 hours over those 13 days. That includes the hours set for classes but I figured that counted as me working and taking in information on campus, instead of the many things people could do off campus to spend their time. That number blew me away and made me realize I really could do anything. I was passionate about what I do and that showed it. Leading up to the Shoot for the Cure game we had a table set up in the Walker Complex which I organized and beautifully designed if I say so myself. Getting people to register to sit at the table was slightly easier than getting them to register for a hallway promotional walk which was good, but the one constant at the table was me. I was there basically all day that the table was. I would be there when players got there and I’d be there when they left. I oversaw the entire operation and by the end of the game we had raised over 700$ which I and the team was very proud of.

The following night was the Bell Let’s Talk night which required a bit less promotion but ran just as well and was just as impactful. So overall the 13 days in a row were very rewarding as we successfully ran 2 events with 2 very important messages. That did take everything out of me though, and boy was I ready to go back to just working 13 hours a day in the office writing and planning. I think those two events and the 13 days leading up to them really cemented the legacy I had tried all year to build. A guy who would do anything and everything if he was put into a position he’s passionate about and a guy with a work ethic that was unmatched, though that is still up for debate. I was extremely proud of what I had done that month and especially those 13 days and I felt like I was really setting myself apart, and putting Brock Women’s Basketball in a place it hadn’t been in a long time with its standing in the public and the media. I stuck with my mindset of everything im doing being for other people, I found ways to always push spotlight onto others and I felt like I had found a rhythm that fit me, what I was trying to do and I loved every part of it.

January came to an end, and let’s do a little recap of where I am at this point. We only had 3 home games remaining and 2 away games. My social media promotional aspect of the job was quickly coming to an end as it does every year and I only had a few more chances to knock it out of the park. I would say I was good friends with everyone on the team by the end of January. I had gotten more chances to meet the people whom I had looked up to when I was just a wee freshman, and I was pumped. What I was doing was being noticed by players, especially my best friends Baelie and Allie who always asked what was new, how long I had been working and how long I plan on working, and always shocked when my answer to both was “all the time”. I had talked with both Baelie and Allie significantly more as the season went on and they continued to be the amazing people I thought they were and they pushed me constantly throughout the year. If I had no other motivation, they were it. So many days where there wasn't a game for another week and no real event to promote, the reminder that people like that were on the team I was on, pushed me to want to do more.

Two other people that were my motivation when nothing else was, was Jess and Tatti. The two other people I had idolized two years before and the two I was probably the most eager to be around once I heard about their return on that cold evening in August. It took me a long time to say something to them during the year. That even became a joke with Rao one practice. Somehow we ended up talking about being nervous and I brought up how I was nervous to talk to Jess and Tatti because I was the new guy. It was true, I always felt like the new insignificant guy and I backed away from starting conversation with them because of my anxiety. It didn't effect my job because at that point the stuff I was writing was strictly basketball based and I could write that by just watching film. I still asked them about basketball things but when it came to off the court getting to know them as people, that was a bit of a struggle.

They were the vets and I was the new guy and I couldn't break the aura of them being the elite vets for quite a while, but I slowly got to know them and as I got more comfortable that they were in-fact the incredible humble, hardworking and compassionate people I thought they were, I became more comfortable around them and they were people I did everything I could for because they meant so much to the program and they were such incredible people. I got to learn more about Tatti’s life outside basketball and her business she owns and operates. I got to know about how committed Jess is to her future, how smart she is and how much she takes out of every day regardless of what is going on. They became more than just idols but two people I really learned from and two people who shaped me as a person and who inspire and motivate me on a daily basis. If you told me to name 5 people from my years with Brock Basketball that impacted me the most beyond just the team, those two would be on that list. They were incredible basketball players and even more amazing people and I can’t begin to talk about how much of an honor it was that I got to spend the time I did with them, and it’s another thing that makes being a part of a basketball team so awesome, you gain connections and relationships with people you’d never expect and you learn that the people you see on the court are far more than athletes and they have phenomenal stories.

On the work side of things, the last 3 home games were the final stand, and I was ready to finish strong. Ending with seniors night on February 9th where my good friends Allie and Courtney would be graduating alongside Kayla Teeter who was the team trainer and another friend of mine. That was the final game of the season so selling tickets wasn't as difficult, just like selling tickets for the home opener was, so the focus went to the execution of the event. I worked alongside the gameday operations crew to facilitate how it was going to work and it went off without a hitch. By that point I was in such a groove that the gameday activities were normal for me and didn't require much thought. I had been through everything and I was ready to get done with the night, the regular season and end off on a bang.

I didn't exactly knock any of them out of the park, though seniors night did drive a great crowd of parents and graduating players friends. The regular season didn't really end how I had imagined it would but the season was done. The two away games at Lakehead to end the year didn't require much work from me and I set my sights on playoffs and the home game we had.

We had 1 playoff home game against Laurier and I treated it almost like any other game honestly. I had already been doing everything I felt I possibly could for home games so there wasn't much else I could add to make this game special from a promotional perspective, other than unique messaging and increased promotions. The one thing I remember from that game was that we put the clamps on Laurier and it was not a very competitive matchup. I would say I remember the fans but with that game I was so focused on delivering the in-game messages and making everything look as professional as possible that the only thing I was thinking about was what I was about to say, and what was happening in the game.

Our last playoff game against McMaster, for me, was an opportunity to show how far the team had come. After the game against Laurier we used the messaging that we hadn’t won a first round playoff game in a long time, and that built up the hype for our road game in the next round. Once we got to McMaster, the messaging shifted to an underdog mentality and showing how far this team has come and how we’re entering the Marauders gym ready to fight and we shouldn't be taken lightly.

That McMaster game was one of the best games I’ve ever covered as a part of Brock Basketball. The energy was electric, both the Badgers and Marauders were scrapping it out for all 40 minutes and it came down to the final minutes. Though it ended in disappointment, the energy around the team was one of accomplishment and gratitude for what we had been through as a group. That was hard to capture in the moment but once I got to writing the post-game article, that was immediately my focus.

It had been a rollercoaster of a year, going on winning streaks and following it with an equivalent losing streak. Fighting to stay at .500 while keeping playoff hopes alive. Promoting a large group of new players to the Badger fans and getting them, including me, accustomed to the Brock Women’s Basketball lifestyle. Trying to impact the way people looked at Brock Women’s Basketball and spread the word, all while learning as much as possible about the game itself.

2018 was a year of serious growth for me, and a year of making an impact and feeling accomplished once that season ended. Though the results from a fans perspective wasn't exactly what I had been working for and I never really got that “knock it out of the park” feeling with games, my efforts did get noticed and at the end of March 2019 I felt like everything I did had paid off in some form.

The 2018-2019 Brock Athletic Banquet was a unique one. Instead of meeting in a banquet hall in the city like we had the year before, this one was held in our own Ian Beddis Gym. Teams sat together as they usually do and the entire gym was draped in black and red. For a gymnasium, you would be surprised at how fancy they made it look. Aside from looking up and seeing basketball nets above you, you wouldn't be able to tell you were in a gym. Players of the year, teams of the year, athletic therapists of the year were all announced. Teams clapped, recognition was given and everyone was having a great time, oh and great food was consumed as well.

There was one award that wasn't given to athletes or coaches, and that was the Marilou Iusi Memorial Directors Service Award. That award was given to a person who had dedicated their life to Brock Athletics over the year and who was at every meeting and practice, always helping out the coaches and players with whatever was needed. That person was me. I won a Directors Service Award, much to the surprise of me. The players found out, I don't know how or when but they had a picture of me working, put onto a canvas and everybody on the team signed the side of the canvas. I was blown away.

Here I was thinking as much as I worked my ass off, the results were never there and my impact would have to be more from a personal perspective, but damn. Rod Mawhood started reading the description of the person who won the award and when he started describing a work ethic that was mine and mentioned Women’s Basketball, a wave of emotion came over me, then all the players started cheering and another wave came over me. I had never been so overwhelmed with happiness in my life.

Everybody, Baelie, Allie, Ginny, Kristin, Jess, Jenneke, Elise, Miranda, they were all cheering and clapping for me. Baelie filmed the event and I still have the video saved on my phone because it still feels so surreal. I cant believe I was one of the first people to win that award who was currently a student when they won it. Out of everybody, me. The dude who struggled to find confidence to even talk to people, had his work recognized at that level. I had and still have a hard time believing that I deserved that award but if theres anything that would make me feel like it was all worth it, all the long nights, busy days and hours by myself inside the office determined to grow the program I had been lucky enough to join, it was this award.

What an unexpected thrill, and the night got even more special as I actually went with a few of the players to Jess house for an after party pre going out to the bar. It turned out to be truly a night of celebration that I had no clue was coming, and even with the restlessness and severe anxiety that came after it all ended, that's a night I will never forget, and put a cap on the unbelievable 2018-2019 season.

Unfortunately, that was the last season I would have as the social media coordinator, as I graduated from Brock in October of 2019 after finishing classes over the summer. It ended rather abruptly as my job with social media and the website suddenly stopped. The marketing team informed me they would be “hiding” the page I had been writing for because I was graduating, which was upsetting to me because I had already had my portfolio deleted with the order to take down the weareready website, but hey that's how it was going to work. I spent the summer taking classes online to finish up and I finished everything in August, with commencement scheduled for October. I continued my time in the basketball industry with an internship with Ontario Basketball in September and for 4 months I focused myself on the next level, but due to push from the coaches and few players, my time with Brock Women’s Basketball wasn't completely done, and I got settled into the 2019 season just a few weeks into my Ontario Basketball internship started.

Here we go again.

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tequilaandtouchingtragedies · 3 years

Text

9/12/18.

I’m going to get so much backlash from this post, but it will only be from people i’ve never told the full story to.......the people who have seen me bash said person all over the internet because I was too much of a coward to confront him. I will regret this.

First things first: These are all my own thoughts, feelings, and things i’ve composed within the last two weeks after long nights, drugging myself so I could sleep and trying to move on and recover all on my own. Nobody knows the entire story of this night, and nobody ever will. Some people know pieces, but not the whole thing. I can’t even form words to speak to someone about this, every time I try i’m at a loss. I always will be.

It’s my word against a dead guy’s word now.

If you’ve read this far, you’ve probably followed me on social media for quite some time. You’ve seen me act up, get depressed, get suicidal, fuck up. Relapse. Hate myself. Read everything in the morning then delete it later when i’m sober.

I want to hang myself.

I posted a blog post a while back somewhat detailing the things that I could bring myself to tell the world, but there’s a lot of things I miss that I have a guilty conscience about now. And i’m ready to share them. I’m ready to share my story.

You came to me when I needed you. You’ve always been there. I shot you on Warped a few years ago, and you responded to my photos of you with love and acceptance. Nothing else involved. Just those photos and our conversations. It was so simple, so accepting and so loving. You valued the life you led, and it was very clear. You lived it ALL no matter what you did.

I promised myself this post wouldn’t be a post bashing you, as i’ve done these past 8 months. That’s all it took.

I just remember I was standing at the bar closest to the stage in Vegas watching my boys in ETF, drinking doubles because my social anxiety told me I needed them......even though I knew no one in the crowd in Vegas. I have issues and you knew that, everyone did. I remember the guys finished, Craig texted me and told me it would be a while and so I improvised. I hung out at the bar until your band played. I snagged another double (my third) and sat in the crowd while you played. I remember being impressed, it was the first time I had seen you guys since Warped however long ago. I knew a few songs then, not too many but enough to keep me entertained until someone came to get me.

I thought you guys were awesome, and so talented. And you all were.

I remember you guys finishing, and I was still waiting for some friends prior to load out. I decided to go sit in the bar by the merch tables which was across the room. I hungout with this girl who was here for I Prevail, and we had a good time. We talked with the bartender, I told her who I was here with. It was funny, we all were having a great time while I was by myself with this stranger in a bar until these three guys came over and bought us drinks. At this point, I was done.

I just remember grabbing my phone, asking anyone I knew in Vegas for help.

Anyone.

You were the third person I hit up, after Tj and Craig who were stuck loading out to a bus that was blocks away, I discovered later in the night.

I was so uncomfortable. I was so drunk. And I kept drinking. I just remembered the “don’t worry, i’m coming straight to the bar as soon as i’m doing loading out, i’ll be there soon” and somehow, I felt at ease. It only took you ten minutes. I’m not sure if it was the sense of panic you felt in my messages or what, but you were there. You appeared.

When I needed you most.

I just remember there were three guys bothering me at the bar. They kept buying my drinks, trying to get me to play pool with them and trying to get me to leave with them. I was so wasted and I knew that while I was SITTING DOWN, but standing up was a whole other story. I remember telling them, “Oh thank you, the guy i’m here with just came to get me” and I pointed at you and got out of my seat. They had no idea who you were, they were there for I Prevail, thank fuck. I just remember standing up and almost hitting the floor. I could see you watching from a distance, while you were taking pictures with a couple who were huge fans of you.

I had to focus to stand. I remember that much before I started to black out. Everything was hazy. I made it to the merch table and as soon as you were done taking photos, you grabbed my arm and you grabbed it hard because I couldn’t stand. I remember you gave me a hug. The next thing I knew, we were trying to figure out what to do and for whatever reason, we decided it was best to leave the venue. I remember you holding my hand, and letting me connect arms with you as we walked down these long ass steps that seemed to take forever.

I needed you to stand and you were there.

We eventually made it outside, still holding hands and eventually my phone died. I had one last video of you and Zach gambling before I decided to go back to my hotel. I didn’t even get in the uber the girl who was also with us ordered for me because my phone was dead. I just disappeared and got into an Uber with strangers that night. I didn’t care.

I made it back to the Luxor, plugged my phone in, took out my extensions and blacked the fuck out for 2 hours. Within that two hours, I woke up to a million missed texts, phone calls and instagram messages from you. All of them wondering if I was alive, where I was at, where was I staying. Why I disappeared.

EDIT:

Everything about you was so beautiful. Lots of people have stood out to me in this lifetime, and you were one of them. I’ll never forget you gently kissing my neck. I’ll never forget you holding my hand. I’ll never forget your touch. I’ll never forget you, ever.

I am so sorry.

I am truly so fucking sorry.

We met up around 3:30am and I was still hammered (you clearly knew that as you told me to quit yelling, typical me) I just remember.

I just remember.

You were beautiful, you always have been. I’ve had a mini fangirl crush on you since I was 14 so this was cool to me. But you’d never know that, I never told you. Well, not to that extent. I always told you how beautiful you were. Always.

Little had I known.

The rest is history. I promised I wouldn’t focus on anything bad between us in this post.

I have cried almost every single day since you’ve been gone. I still have a hard time talking about you. I still wish I wouldn’t see headlines about you, about drugs, etc. They haunt me every single day and they always will. I feel like people think i’m being dramatic about this whole thing but they don’t realize that the people who have damaged you live on within you for eternity.

Rumor has it, that it’ll take seven years for your DNA to leave me and it’ll be like you never touched me ever again.

My friends don’t realize how much this has hurt me. I don’t have answers, explanations. I know it was an accident but when will I recover from the ever-lasting scars you’ve left on me? 7 years? Probably not.

I have painted you as a monster for these past 8 months, knowing your addictions issues as well as more in the past. Addiction doesn’t excuse what i’ve experienced between us, absolutely not, but it makes more sense to me now. I wish I had never said anything bad about you.

Sometimes I wish you were never a part of my life.

I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry.

Nobody deserves to die with their demons.

Nobody.

Had I have known this was a factor in what i’ve experienced with you, I would’ve been a helping hand instead of some psycho bitch who used your name to trash you on the internet in the hopes of having someone speak up regarding their issues. I knew it was a factor in this, I even posted about you months prior to your death and predicted this.

I am so sorry.

Addiction doesn’t excuse shitty behavior. But neither does internet slander when you’re in a rough place.

You’d think i’d feel free now but i’ll always feel guilty.

I just wish I would’ve known. Looking back, all the signs were there. I just wish I wouldn’t have painted you out to be such a monster. What you did to me that night in Vegas hurt me and always will, but you weren’t you. You haven’t been you in a year, i’ll always remember those messages.

You came to me in a dream last night which is why i’m drunk-posting this. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I found out the news. I woke up to an article and immediately got sick. There hasn’t been a day where I haven’t thought about you, good or bad.

Before it went bad, it was really, really good. Which is why I feel the need to defend you.

I just remember how sweet you were. How soft your kisses were, how soft you were in general. I still think my necklace is on that bandwagon somewhere, it meant alot to me. I just remember being so drunk and running my fingers through your hair, across your face. Your sides. You were so beautiful, you always will be.

I can’t believe I got to kiss you.

I am so sorry. I never wanted to paint you as a monster. We all have our demons, I promise. And I know you know that now. There is never a right time for anything.

You were just lost, like most of us are.

I hope you’ve found peace. Honestly, thank you for setting me up with your best friend before you passed. He’s hilarious, and I think about him often. Nothing serious, but good fun. You picked a good choice for me.

I can only hope you’ve found the peace you deserve. I think about you every day. I even messaged you two months prior to your passing to get answers, but never got a response. I expected that, it’s not an easy thing to talk about. I hope you’re happy wherever you’re at.

I am so sorry things had to end this way. Leave it to fate to do this to us, fate has never failed us before so why start now?

I wish you the best, and i’ve forgiven you. I can only hope you’ve forgiven me too. I’ll be in Detroit when it gets announced here in October. No matter what any of my friends say, this is personal and their opinions don’t matter. They never will.

I am so sorry. I always will be. You didn’t deserve this and nobody every does, or ever will. You did good in this world, and you will live on.

Nobody deserves to die with their demons at their side.

RIP. I love you. <3

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tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years

Text

8:03pm, life is a never ending trainwreck and I'm just a passenger on it, trying to make it stop, but life stops for nobody.

Yall know what day it is, im not saying it. Go fuck yourself.

I've got a looong list of problems.

And no energy.

Since staying up till 4:30am this morning to think about how much of a shithole my favorite ex boyfriend, Patrick #1, really was like, *did* help me not focus on #2 Patrick.

But it did make me angry.

I hate it so much.

.....

Anyway, I woke up at 4pm today. I couldve gotten up at 10am like i originally did, but i was dealing with menstrual depression, seasonal depression, as well as a heartbreak and normal depression about several other men who never deserved me...

That I laid my ass back to sleep. In the amazingly fuzzy 10 dollar blanket I splurged on for myself.... fuck yeah.

Aaaaand then I had a series of weird dreams.

The only one that sticks out is that a member of the Yakuza broke into my (in dream) luxury socialite apartment with his gang members to kill me.

Somehow, he killed my friend, some random bitch that i didnt know.

And right as he was gonna kill me, he noticed i didnt give a shit? And somehow he got a boner???????? To make a long story short, it was a weirdly hot dream, and I didn't understand what any of it symbolized. But it ended with me dating the Yakuza member, and he got me lillies.

....I know the flowers directly correlated to what I said the other night.....

Maybe its just a dream thats reflective of what I want next in a man? I dont know? But yeah, dreams glorifying the Yakuza, arent cool.....

Dreams of getting piped down by a 7 inch long schlong on a hot older guy with a eye patch? (I think he had an eye patch, i dunno.) THAT is welcomed, those are always welcome.

......

It felt a little too realistic, so i woke up like, "AM I HALLUCINATING AND IM BEING INTRUDED ON IN MY BEDROOM", but nope. Same old bedroom, same ol shit. Nothing super great.

.....

Yeah.

.....

One of my instagram mutuals made a post on their page like "whatever you lost, im gonna be honest, was never yours to begin with if you could lose it. now, youve got options. not great options, but still options. so pick one, and roll with it."

Not sure if it was a vaguepost, since I was sharing videos from hangouts with Patrick #2 on my instagram story, but I did need to see that.

Aaaaand.

.....my options for men still suck.

There's the redheaded ginger, who most likely has a black girl fetish, and just sees me as another pair of brown cheeks to smash. (Gross dude, not a big fan of fetishization...)

And then some random horndog blonde dude, who I'm not really into either. (And of course, just messaged me since i am single, and in his words, "cute and funny and might have something in common with"..... But, made it clear he's "looking to feel, but not catch feelings", and obviously is a fuckboy with a Grade A Drake Copycat personality..... Like, die.)

.....

I asked out the latter, for the sake of getting dolled up and going out this week. Sleeping and eating random gummy bears and takis isnt the healthiest thing i can think of.

So, a date with someone I'm not that into, still counts as "a step in the right direction".

Hell, I didn't like Patrick #1 when I first met him.... And I was already seeing Calvin, so it was more of a "fuck it, you need to socialize, otherwise you will fucking regret it" level situation.

(A good way to never be emotionally attached to anyone, is to have too many "someones", ive noticed. Since which seems better, staying at home, exhausted and pining to see Calvin again? Or, getting free chinese food, with the guy who got my phone number months back?)

Exactly. :)

.....But to be fair, it was instant attraction when I first met Patrick #1. Marco was being uninterested in me the whole time we "had a platonic hangout", (we made out, but whatever man,) but ohhhhhhhhh, the second I take a number from the hot guy giving me hella samples at Ben and Jerry's, suddenly I'M the bad guy?

Fuck you, Marco, you can't be the only thot.

But Patrick #1 took forever to find a day to meet with me, me and Calvin became more of a thing the more we started fucking, and whatnot. And Patrick is terrible at taking photos, so it didnt help if the day I met him, I thought, "DAMN, his muscles are just showing through his shirt.... He's got REALLY nice blue eyes too, holy shit, i gotta stop staring and smiling."

Buuuut his unphotogenic ass sent me photos at the WEIRDEST angles. Photos that made his smile crooked, forehead hella big, teeth look tiny, jaw hella weird, even his eyes looked dark brown instead of his actual color.... How the hell do you achieve photos like that, of looking super unrecognizable?

The day I hesitantly showed up to the date, it was, "Okay, he IS hot. But how the fuck did his photos look so unrecognizable?"

And he seemed too....... idk, tame to me.

Or well, how do I put it.... straight edged?

I don't like people who are too straight edged, and he fit perfectly into the "self obsessed, very airheaded, overly cocky, and jocky athlete who saw me as a sexual pursuit instead of an equal human being", box I had perceived in my mind for him.

And that.... doesnt fit me great.

Especially if I'm a huge fan of men that listen to me, are humble, caring, and treat me as an equal and less of a "hot tail to chase, out of all girls out there".

Plus, explaining things like my gender identity, sexuality, weird sense of humor, brashness, and basically anything about me that Fox News could bash, to this straight cis white dude......... is cringe.

.......yikes.

But there I was; pink lip gloss on, and a cute outfit too, that he couldn't be bothered to compliment. (That hurt, since he didnt try to hide it, either. I dont like being objectified or expecting to do the most for men, that wouldnt do the same for me...... I did what I felt was a great and sexy, stunning outfit, after looking and dressing not the greatest for some time... then i got bashed for it.)

He's such an asshole! God!

......I knew he was, though. First date, despite many pleas of wanting to go home, and desperately needing to piss, he did a fake yawn and insisted on "pulling over for a small break, since im just soooooo tired"....

Aaaaaand death staring at me.

Not making me the slightest bit comfortable.

Nothing makes a shy and underweight girl more comfortable, than it being 2am, and an asshole guy pulling over to an abandoned road at night, aggressively staring you down in silence, trying to force chemistry that isn't there. (And, i was gonna fucking piss fucking everywhere if nigga didnt take me home.)

......we kissed. I didnt like it. Preferred Calvin, and im admitting it now, since I am single, and neither of these men are in my life. Nigga kept trying to grope me anywhere he could too, or just not let me go.

I eventually just pulled a "oh hold up, wait", and pretended like i was reaching for something in my seat.

He let me go, and said, "oh hey, whats wrong?"

I then fully let go of his grasp, sat far away near my window, buckled in my seatbelt and said, "im ready to go home now", with a smile. "As i told you several times before, i really need to pee. Lets take me home now."

....this story ends with him rudely speeding off before i even get all the way up the stairs, and ruined paints, all thanks to him.

I only kept seeing him as a time killer. "Hot girl summer" means having joyful presence and nice company to be around. It was a better alternative to staying in bed, and yeah.

We grew a lot from there.

He became more aware, became more thoughtful, etc.

.....its a shame he never stayed that way.

But, it just meant it was a temporary facade he thought he could keep up.

Just like all the others.

............

I better go shower and wash my hair. Its falling out. :)

8:35pm, slightly less of a trainwreck than most people i know.

Feels nice.

Peace out.

#me #yikes #yep #exes

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celebistar · 7 years

Text

Personal: Hiatus

Personal venting; warnings, frank talk about my own poor mental health lately, specifically anxiety, so if you're not feeling well yourself you should probably avoid.

Honestly, I’m really on-edge right now as I’m writing this, but I felt I had to get something out or I just cannot sleep (not that it’s easy anyway with jetlag…) It feels really strange b/c I haven't done this type of really-personal ‘feelings’ post/rant for a long time now, not since I was RPing but well…sometimes you just gotta get your feelings out.

It isn’t really any one thing or aspect or event in particular, but just lately, especially in the past month or two, I’ve noticed myself engaging less and less with Nobunagun, i.e. fanart/fanfics. Partly it’s just the cycles of life and work and limited time, but honestly the truth is, I feel that I am…reaching the end of my “Nobunagun rope”, so to speak. Lately I’ve just been mentally burnt out, not because of any one thing, but instead of the raging wildfire I used to feel whenever I engaged in my fics and art at like 1:30am, I just feel…oh. Like neither like nor dislike, which it in and of itself is nothing wrong, but for someone like me who has always bounced from obsession to obsession—and I mean that quite literally—it’s a scary and strange feeling. Frankly, I don’t know if I like it; not being able to fall back onto my creative imaginations whenever I want to, whether it’s to pass time due to boredom or to help me cope when other stressful things happen in my life.

Now, most people would probably say ‘well that’s normal isn’t it? Interests always change’ and yes, they do; in fact, before Nobunagun I inevitably shifted interests after a while—I think YGO was the first really big one, but even before that there were myriad of series like Digimon, Cardcaptors, etc. etc…and each time I thought ‘wow, GX (or some other series) is so great, I don’t know how I can run out of ideas!’ but gradually I did move on—usually because some other interest caught my eye and was more exciting, so by the time I consciously realized I wasn’t super obsessed with the previous one, it was more like an ‘oh well’. I never really stopped to think or really miss it, because there was always something new to entertain me, keep me thinking at 110% (kinda like serial dating now that I think about it, like those people who keep chasing that initial ‘high’ you get at the start of something new but you can never maintain). Now that I am sort-of-kind-of in that phase of ‘whoa, something’s obviously wrong if you’re feeling mentally unwell so let’s take a step back’, I think it is true; that, honestly, it isn’t healthy to have an obsessive relationship with Nobunagun 24/7. It may seem strange that I am using relationship terms to describe a fandom, but I think they are parallels in many ways. But there’s a difference and it’s that Nobunagun is just a thing, a really great thing yes—but it’s not a person. It doesn’t make decisions or tell me what to do; frankly everything I choose to engage in, is 100% in my own control. But somehow, over the course of being a fan, I seemed to have imposed these really strange, invisible ‘pressures’ on myself, so to speak. Perhaps it comes from having a mind that is either all or nothing when it comes to interests, or maybe it’s because I always managed to move on to something more exciting before the old interest fully waned. I don’t know.

All I know is that whatever my ‘relationship’ with Nobunagun is right now, it’s not healthy nor good. Realistically speaking, I know it’s nearly impossible to like something 100% of the time, 24/7. I believe it is possible to sustain interests for your entire life—drawing, writing, gaming—or even series—I mean, I myself have loved the Fire Emblem series ever since they came out in the US and I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon. But unlike Nobunagun, Fire Emblem has always been what I would consider a ‘background’ interest; it’s always there but I rarely engage in what I would consider fandom activities, such as drawing fanart or writing fanfiction. Hell, I rarely even read FE fanfiction anymore (though I used to). Yet despite all this, despite advice from people I trust and love, and despite my own logical mind telling me this…I just can’t seem to let it go. At least, not easily. For some reason the very thought of no longer liking Nobunagun as I used to, so passionately—not even just no longer interested but just ‘not as interested as before’…it sends me into panic attacks. In fact I have actually been suffering quite bad anxiety these past few weeks because of this very dilemma—unable to focus, panicking the second I see something Nobunagun and I don’t feel excited, trouble sleeping…I mean hell I’ve even had trouble starting new anime series because there’s always this inkling in the back of my mind ‘what if this is the show that replaces Nobunagun?' I don’t know why I think of it as that; I don’t know why I have this self-imposed chain around myself and Nobunagun, even though it’s all my own thoughts. I just know what is, and that’s just what it feels like. I don’t know why I have such a severe trepidation of something else replacing Nobunagun even though it’s just how interests come and go and frankly, it was Nobunagun that replaced Eyeshield 21 before it.

Now, most people would say this is a sign that I should probably take a step back and re-evaluate just what it is that’s actually important in my life, and take care of myself—no thinking of Nobunagun, no trying to churn out another 2-3 chapters or another illustration in a week. And I do agree; I know, deep down, that this is warning sign that if I don’t change something soon, then I won’t even be able to salvage my love for Nobunagun—it’ll just turn into a destructive mess that ends with the only recourse being complete and utter amputation. Which is definitely not something I want. And yet it’s really hard to tell myself that it will be okay, that I will come out of this maybe not liking Nobunagun with a raging passion 110% of the time but maybe only like 30% of the time, and that’s okay—but somehow it’s very difficult to convince myself of that (if it were, trust me I wouldn’t be up typing this at 1am). I’m very much reminded of a time earlier, when I was still very active in RPing and I went through a very similar upheaval…how I couldn’t imagine not RPing anymore, how I couldn’t imagine going on in the fandom without it…but in the end, looking back I know I made the right choice, and I came out better for it. I didn’t lose my love of Nobunagun after basically stopping role-playing, and I learned, slowly, to be passionate about it again without being anxious. I came out all right and what’s more I felt l learned a lot and became a better person because of those hard times. And when that time really came, it just faded naturally and without fear—these days let’s be honest, I don’t RP anymore, even though I have the accounts—they’re honestly just there for archival/dump purposes. So that’s how I know I made the right choice…I have no regrets and I don’t/didn’t feel fear when I stopped roleplaying. It just happened naturally, and I can still look back on those times fondly.

So maybe this phase right now is just another one of those hard obstacles that I have to face, sooner or later, maybe it didn't even have to be with Nobunagun but it just so happens that Nobunagun is the thing that I'm into now…maybe it’s a reconciliation of the last remnants of being a ‘super-fan’, that Nobunagun may be the last fandom I really feel a lot of passion for, and it’s hard to say good-bye to what feels like a huge part of what defined you. Maybe it’s something else. Maybe I’ll come out of this with a looser, but still warm relationship with Nobunagun. As my boss (of all people) once told me, ‘think of it as trading fireworks for a comfortable shirt; in the beginning of anything, it feels like there’s always fireworks going off because it’s so new and exciting, but after a while things start to even out and you don’t always feel excited, all the time. It becomes more like wearing a comfortable old shirt; it’s kind of the same over and over, but it’s familiar and comforting. And when those fireworks do come again, it’ll still be exciting—but just not all the time, so when they come you’ll treasure them.’

Maybe that’s the real answer; what I would like to be able to do, is like so many of my friends, is to rotate through different interests—Fire Emblem when a new banner comes out, whatever anime I happen to be watching this season—and go back and forth so when I’m thinking ‘hey, I don’t feel like writing Nobunagun stuff’ I can go and engage with something else. Yet it doesn’t feel like I can, even though I know I am capable of it; back when I was into YGO Zexal, I actually went between different fandoms quite often—off the top of my head were Star Trek, Mass Effect, but at the same time I never lost interest in Zexal; it was just kind of there, and I went back to it after a while. So, I know from past experience I’m capable of it…and back then, I didn’t feel any sort of fear or trepidation of being into something else—but of course each experience is different and it could be that the new thing didn’t allow me room to question whether or not I still liked the old thing—but anyway that’s a different topic.

Going back and actually reading my personal posts during that really bad mental period where I had to take a hiatus from RPing and Tumblr in general (or the ones that I haven’t deleted anyway), it actually is strangely calming because it proves to me, gives me physical evidence that I went through something so painful and never thought I would be okay but guess what I turned out okay. So it gives me hope…that this too, like everything else shall pass. It’s also kind of ironic that many of the things that I said then are what I’m saying now—so I don’t know, maybe it means something, maybe it doesn’t.

But what I do know, is that for the time being, I must take a step back. I must find a way to break these self-imposed chains that force me to think ‘you must obsess over Nobunagun 24/7’ so it doesn’t consume me to the point where my mental health deteriorates. So I don’t end up seeing Nobunagun as a dark spot in my life, but rather a positive thing and something that I will continue to like, but in a more balanced relationship. Not freaking out when I realize that maybe I’m just too tired to think about Nobunagun right now, and knowing that a lot of this is honestly the anxiety talking. Speaking of which, the sucky part about anxiety is that there isn’t a cure—it’s a condition, but you can manage it, and not let it define you. Meditation has done a lot for me, both in the past and now more than ever, and also just writing things out—hence why this really long-ass post.

Anyway; strange how writing things out and admitting your deepest fears can make them seem less scary and overwhelming. Perhaps that’s the point of journaling and such? Although my handwriting is so terrible these days and so slow that it’s faster for me to type rather than keep an analog journal…maybe some people will think that I am freaking out over nothing, that a fandom is nothing to lose sleep over but well, we all have our vices I suppose. I mean hey, at least it’s just a static thing, and not say, an abusive partner.

In any case, for the immediate time being I will be going on hiatus—just like that time when I kept getting anxiety about RPing, and I had to take a step back—I must do that now, too. Frankly I don’t think it will make much of a difference since I rarely update here anyway but on that note, I will not be checking for notifs/contacts on Tumblr or really anywhere else. i don’t know when I’ll ‘come back’ and honestly I don’t want to keep putting myself on schedules or deadlines; when I feel ready, I’ll know and it’ll happen naturally. I have the most wonderful friends and family so have no fear, I will not be alone. I’m sure I’ll be back, when I feel ready.

#personal #!anxiety #mental health #hiatus

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chelsorz07 · 7 years

Text

i feel like these are getting redundant but i’m bored

2010/2017 1. Last beverage: water. Frozen pumpkin latte from Sheetz.

2. Last phone call: from my dad, like three or four hours ago. Called work today to let them know I was coming in early.

3. Last text message: from michele. Dave.

4. Last song you listened to: whatever's in the background on degrassi. “All I Wanted” - Paramore.

5. Last time you cried: today. Not sure. Maybe a few days ago.

Have you ever:

6. Dated someone twice: yeah. Yup.

7. Been cheated on: yep. Yeah well.

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: not entirely. I don’t regret any of them, but I’m certainly glad I ended up with the one I did.

9. Lost someone special: indeed. If I lost them, they couldn’t have been too special.

10. Been depressed: ha. Only for fifteen years.

11. Been drunk and thrown up: quite recently lol Not for a couple months. Before that it was years.

List 3 favorite colors:

12. green.

13. purple.

14. silver. Green, grey, plaid.

This year have you:

15. Made a new friend: a couple. Ehh more like acquaintances. I don’t need more friends than the two I have.

16. Fallen out of love: no. but i have let go of hoping i could get it back. That’s never gonna happen.

17. Laughed until you cried: yes. and vice versa. This year yeah, but not recently. I don’t leave my house unless it’s to go to work, and nothing is amusing there.

18. Met someone who changed you: not this year. Nope.

19. Found out who your true friends were: more than you could imagine. I found that out when I moved here and all my friends except Mike and Amanda dropped me like a hot potato.

20. Found out someone was talking about you: daily. I don’t think so but I wouldn’t care if they were.

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: yep. Well yeah, my spousal unit.

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: all. On tumblr? Like four.

23. How many kids do you want: none. One.

24. Do you have any pets: no. My kitties. Marshall, Millie, Selina, and Thomas.

25. Do you want to change your name: not really. I’ve never liked it but i’m too old and set in my ways to change it now.

26. What did you do for your last birthday: got drunk. Went home for a week and it was fabulous.

:27. What time did you wake up today: 7:30, like every day. 12:30pm. But I didn’t go to sleep till 8:30am.

28. What were you doing at midnight last night : watching tv with my dad. Either watching Gotham or Youtube idk.

30. Last time you saw your Mother: right before i came upstairs. A couple weeks ago.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: where i live and with whom. also, the amount in my bank account. Where I live. But not with whom. Also still the amount in my bank account.

32. What are you listening to right now: commercials. The whirring of my laptop fan.

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: many. Several.

34. Who's getting on your nerves right now: no one. i'm ignoring the world. Nobody.

35. Most visited webpage: facebook and TFLN. Facebook, Youtube, and Netflix.

36. Whats your real name? chelsea wilton. Chelsea Lipps.

37. Nickname: don't have one anymore. because the people that called me by my nickname turned out not to be my real friends. so yeah. Same.

38. Relationship Status: single. Married.

39. Zodiac sign: leo. Obvs that didn’t change.

40. Male or female: female. Female.

41. Primary School: ggb. Same.

42. Middle School: fretz. Same.

43. High school/college: bradford high. Same.

44. Hair color: brown. Red.

45. Long or short: too long. Medium but still too long.

46. Height: 5'6'' Same.

47. Do you have a crush on someone: only eli on degrassi :) haha Celebs.

48. What do you like about yourself: not a whole lot. My face. And I’m hilarious.

49. Piercings: ears. None.

50. Tattoos: one for now. Two, but more to come.

51. Righty or Lefty? left. Lefty.

52. First surgery: tonsillectomy. I’ve only had two. The tonsillectomy when I was 10 and my gallbladder when I was 24.

53. First piercing: ears. Ears.

54. First best friend: nicole. Nicole.

55. First sport you joined: cheerleading. Cheerleading.

56. First vacation: never been on one. my family took their first this past summer but i elected not to go. Georgia/Tennessee/Kentucky.

57. Ummm...where'd this question go? It died. I’m more concerned that half of them have the same answers because it’s shit that can’t change.

58. First pair of trainers: what? I have no freaking clue. But I only wear Nikes now, if that helps.

Right now:

59. Eating: halloween candy. Nothing.

60. Drinking: water. Coffee.

61. I'm about to: go to bed. Watch something else because my tv is pissing me off too much to catch up on Gotham.

62. Listening to: degrassi. Nothing.

63. Waiting for: jeff to call me tomorrow so i can get my job back. To find a house in Bradford so we can move home.

Your Future:

64. Want kids: no. Yes. I’m already a year past when I wanted to have one.

65. Get married: probably not. Already am.

66. Career: i haven't decided yet. It’s too late for me to have a career. I’m just gonna work shit jobs till I die.

Which is better in the opposite sex?

67. Lips or eyes: eyes. Eyes.

68. Hugs or kisses: both. Hugs.

69. Shorter or taller: taller than me but still under 6'. Taller. I’m not quite as picky about how much anymore. But Dave is only 2′’ taller than me and that’s quite nice.

70. Older or younger: haha i liked aaron's cougar answer. for me though, most definitely older. but younger than my sister. Older.

71. Romantic or spontaneous: both. Neither.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: arms. Arms.

73. Sensitive or confident: both. Both.

74. Hook-up or relationship: at the moment i don't think i want either. Relationship.

Have you ever:

76. Kissed a stranger: well...haha A couple.

77. Drank hard liquor: sure. Yeah but I don’t anymore.

78. Lost glasses/contacts: only temporarily. Within my domicile.

80. Broken someone's heart: supposedly. He claims so.

82. Been arrested: not yet lol Almost but no.

83. Turned someone down: yep. Yeah.

84. Cried when someone died: everything makes me cry. Yes but I still cry all the time regardless.

Do you believe in:

86. Yourself: no. Nope.

87. Miracles: no. No.

88. Love at first sight: no. Ehh kinda.

89. Heaven: no. No.

90. Santa Claus: no. No.

91. Kiss on the first date: yeah. Yep.

Answer truthfully:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: never. Not at a time.

95. Did you sing today: every day. I sing all the time.

96. Ever cheated on somebody: never have, never will. Nope.

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: i wouldn't. Still wouldn’t. I wanna go forward.

98. The moment you would choose to relive: what's the point in dwelling on the past? i'm all about moving on now. None.

99. Are you afraid of falling in love: and getting hurt again. yeah. Nope. Been in love for quite some time now.

100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: no i'm just not going to. That’s lame.

#this one sucked #not spn #personal #about me #bring back myspace surveys 2k17 #i do what i want

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softhobies · 7 years

Text

RULES: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

tagged by @heartsbian (actual loml thank you)

i tag: @damnwilds @danwildsofficial @naminyard @battlefieldheart @daddariossmile @ffsmagnusbane @bramgreenfclds @lailadermctt (and if anyone else wants to do this feel free to consider yourself tagged or if you want message me and i’ll add you lmao)

THE LAST…

1. drink: water

2. phone call: unknown number

3. text message: from my mum: “i guess”

4. song you listened to: and the crowd goes by mudslide crush

5. time you cried: idk?? i cry too much lmao

HAVE YOU EVER… (PT.1)

6. … dated someone twice: no

7. … kissed someone and regretted it: no

8. … been cheated on: no

9. … lost someone special: to death? no. drifting apart? i guess.

10. … been depressed: always

11. … gotten drunk and thrown up: uuuhhhh yeah

FAVORITE COLORS

12. black

13. red

14. idk?? white, grey, blue, purple... changes

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU…

15. … made new friends: yep!

16. … fallen out of love: i don’t think so

17. … laughed until you cried: of course

18. … found out someone was talking about you: probably but i don’t remember

19. … met someone who changed you: hmmm i don’t think so??

20. … found out who your friends are: 99% of my friends have been made in the past year so?? maybe?? i’m working on it

21. … kissed someone on your facebook list: nope

GENERAL

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: idk i hardly use it?? but it was full of people i used to know but yeah i don’t talk to any of them except like my immediate family irl now lmao

23. do you have any pets: no :(

24. do you want to change your name: uuhhhh yeah like alex isn’t my legal name and it’d be nice to not have to sign my legal name or go by it at doctors bc i’m too scared to correct anyone lmao

25. what did you do for your last birthday: i think i mostly just soaked up whatever attention i got on here and stressed over tr*mp bc my bday is on inauguration day?? also i annoyed family and may have watched a couple episodes of vld with my bro

26. what time did you wake up: like 12:30am lmao

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping i guess

28. name something you can’t wait for: uuhhh happiness?? idk

29. ??? there is no 29 lol

30. ……. no 30 either

31. what are you listening to right now: she’s so gone - lemonade mouth (uuhhh i’m listening to the album if you couldn’t tell by my answers lmao)

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: i’d assume so?? only one that comes to my mind tho is tom in mysme but he’s not real lmao

33. something that is getting on your nerves: my shit sleeping schedule like i’m trying to fix it but i suck at sleeping and ugh

34. most visited website: probably tumblr lmao

35. hair color: black but naturally it’s blonde

36. long or short hair: short bless up

37. ??? she’s gone

38. ……. not here either

39. piercings: 2 in each ear and 2 in my lip for now

40. blood type: i honestly have no clue?? p sure it wasn’t o but that’s all i remember so uuhhh oops

41. nicknames: i just go by alex

42. relationship status: single forever

43. zodiac: aquarius (or capricorn idk i’m a cusp but i’ve always went with aquarius and i refuse to change now)

44. pronouns: they/them

45. favorite tv show: idk?? b99 is p good

46. tattoos: none but i want a ton one day

47. right or left-handed

48. surgery: i don’t think i’ve had any

49. piercings: ?? already answered

50. sport: i don’t play or watch anything really?? at least, not anymore

51. vacation: anywhere and everywhere

52. pair of trainers: idk i hardly ever where any?? probably have some somewhere tho

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: fav food = cheese calzones at old chicago but like if you mean am i eating? no? but i ate leftover hamburger helper within the last hour so

54. fave drink: water

55. what you’re up to: answering this but after i’m going to try queuing a ton of posts while i wait for my phone to charge completely

56. waiting for: happiness?? but uuhhh short term i guess attention (aka my friends sleep at night like most people and i’m l o n e l y)

57. what do i want: happiness again but also money and maybe a purpose

58. do you ever want to get married: kind of?? i kind of don’t believe in love for me really but i have this dream wedding so like?? i’m down marrying just for the tax benefits lmao i just want that spooky wedding

59. career: don’t have one and don’t know what i wanna do yet so rip

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses?

61. lips or eyes?

62. shorter or taller?

63. older or younger? keeping it crossed out bc?? what does this mean?? idk but the only options i can come up with idc

64. nice arms or nice stomach? (i guess? just barely idc mostly)

65. hook up or relationship?

66. troublemaker or hesitant? (to a point)

HAVE YOU EVER… (PT.2)

67. … kissed a stranger: nope

68. … drank hard liquor: a lot (unhealthy coping for the lose)

69. … lost glasses/contact lenses: oh god yes?? lost glasses in a hotel once and have lost so many contact lenses it’s ridiculous i suck lmao

70. … turned someone down: yeah but i think both the times the people asked me out as a joke?? i heard one guy planning it and the other i just kind of assumed the guys friends were asking me out bc pulling a prank on their friend

71. … sex on the first day: uuhhhh how about sex never lmao no thanks

72. … broken someone’s heart: not that i know

73. … had your heart broken: uuhhh by my ex bff a billion times lmao

74. … been arrested: nope bless

75. … cried when someone died: not genuinely, no

76. … fallen for a friend: yep

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

77. … yourself: not anymore

78. … miracles: unlikely

79. … love at first sight: not for myself for sure

80. … santa claus: why would i

81. … kiss on the first date: you do you

82. … angels: maybe bc of others experiences but i believe in demons more

OTHER

83. current best friend’s name: i have a lot but nøname

84. eye color: brown

85. favorite movie: idk?? star wars i guess

#text #about me #drink mention //#food mention //#vomit mention //#i guess #uuuhhh #alcohol mention //#drinking mention //#death mention //#this gets kind of confusing at points rip #but aye #there you have it #i actually did something on time #i have like a billion other games that i gotta do tho #one day #but i don't /think/ i've been tagged in this before

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