#i'm fucking trash

[medicinemane]

I don't know... I'd like to be able to give more, miss when I used to be able to donate to stuff

...feel like the fact that I haven't been able to afford to fix a cracked pipe for 6 months and that if I do get a plumber in here to fix that faucet I'm probably gonna need to give up the cheese money I finally got ahold of says that maybe... maybe it's not overly unreasonable of me to say I can't donate to anything but... it sucks

...able to buy a house in 2019, a $90k house mind, but a house none the less so... I don't know... I don't know...

Always been a kinda funny mutt where I've mostly been poor enough because of my mom that didn't eat half the time, but had solidly middle class grandparents in the background who could smooth things over... but weren't willing to enough that their grand kid actually got fed

So I don't know... both always felt kinda broke as shit, but also way to rich for that to be true... same thing here... feel broke from not being able to get a pipe fixed for over half a year, but rich in that I fucking have a house at all

But anyway... wish I could donate to shit, not that it would help even a little in the end, but still... wish I could, even a little

#think my mom will donate to stuff; in addition to paying a personal assistant for her writing that makes zilch and it's like... #don't know how to deal with you with all this #we are... living off your disability checks... and you go blowing them on shit like that #I don't know... I'm not pleased #not pleased about a lot of big things in the world I can't fucking effect #not like I'm a senator or some shit; not like even other random pricks on here are gonna listen to me let alone world leaders #but also not please cause if I could just get myself to do shit I could probably have a pretty great life in like 5 years #make the soap and sell it; clean the house; do some gardening; start cooking #like 4 hours of my day and I could build myself a paradise and I just... refuse #no matter how much I beg myself to I just fucking won't #I'm fucking trash

[faggy--butch]

Trans men and women tend to get viewed as either disgusting male freaks or perfect feminine female goddesses based entirely on identity and vibes alone, forcing trans men to either detranstion to talk about the issues faced, or shut up and hate themselves and grovel at the feet of their "betters", and trans women are forced to preform the highest standards of femininity or be shunned and live in fear of being cast out and not being "woman enough" facing the constant need to prove themselves to avoid being seen as interlopers. these things are similar, these problems overlap, and yet people go on to pretend that one is the most victimized victim and the other is the "subjector and oppressor" (Interchangeable) and neither can truly understand the other. these ideas being perpetuated by others within and outside of these groups. It drives me up the wall that there are people pretending this helps anyone, that either benefits from the others oppression in anyway. Personally, from what I've seen a lot of it comes out as like gender insecurity, from the inside groups, which is pretty sad, but also extremely frustrating to be lashed out at for being unwilling to accept this gender essentialist false binary

#transandrophobia #transmisogny #ftm #mtf #queer #I'm seriously done hearing trans men say they feel like creeps and monsters and oppressors for just being men #and then act like its normal and okay and not fucked up to think about ones self that way? #a trans man yesterday was trying to convince me that trans men need to shut up and let women say things like kill all men #because actually all men ARE trash #like bro literally speak for yourself

[coockie8]

I'm sorry but saying "don't write dark or taboo fiction or at least keep it private because it might trigger someone or someone might get off to it." is exactly like saying "don't talk about the abuse you suffered because it might trigger someone or someone might get off to it."

It is the exact same thing. Telling someone they aren't allowed to talk about their own lived experience because some random stranger might be triggered, made uncomfortable, or even aroused by it is unbelievably fucking disgusting.

Whether someone is writing dark/taboo fiction to cope or not is 100% irrelevant because someone else's trauma is not your business, and you can't know.

You shouldn't tell a victim to never talk about their trauma, so you shouldn't tell people what they can and cannot write about, because at the end of the day, you don't know and it's not your business. Block and mute things/people you don't want to see, and move the fuck on with your life.

#trash king vents #anti bs #just anti things #proship #this probably isn't worded well but whatever #hopefully you know what I mean #''I'm the centre of the universe and I never want to be uncomfortable'' #''therefore other people are never allowed to talk about uncomfortable topics because *I* might hear it'' #that's what you fucking sound like

[lord-squiggletits]

I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.

I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.

The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...

Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.

I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.

And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?

It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.

To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.

In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.

Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.

So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.

What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.

Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #i'm sure the doylist reason for the writing is just that pharma was a designated villain #so since he's a villain and 'crazy' it's fine for everyone even the good guys to treat him like complete trash #i just think from a watsonian perspective taking a sympathetic approach is way more interesting and logically consistent #what i mean is like. from a meta perspective one of the best ways to show that a character is super evil and not worth saving #is when even the good guy heroes. the ones who are supposed to be kind and compassionate and wise. see him as dirt #and this is also kind of a necessity in most plots bc TF is the kind of series that just needs action villains and long-term antagonists #so not every villain is written or has a plot to be made redeemable. and pharma is one of these bc he's not important or a legacy character #so from a doylist (meta) perspective you could read the autobots' disregard of pharma as a sign of #'this guy is not meant to have your sympathy as a reader. pay no attention to him' #but from a watsonian (in universe) perspective it paints a miserable picture of pharma being utterly forsaken by the ppl he served alongsid #and like yeah i'm super autistic about pharma so of course i view him with sympathy but like #the idea of being a loyal and good person for years only to be subjected to a Torment Nexus of #being blackmailed into breaking all of the oaths you held sacred. under threat of you and all your comrades dying horrible torturous deaths #then when your comrades find out about it they focus solely on the 'harvesting organs' and not on the 'blackmail' part #and then you get literally left for dead by your comrades and best friend hating your guts #and then you get rescued by a guy who uses you as a test subject for his evil machine #this is a fucking nightmare scenario like pharma could hardly be suffering more if the author TRIED to make him suffer #and for me it's like. the evil pharma did can't be decontextualized to what drove him to that. as well as the question of like #how easily ppl can write someone off as evil and turn a blind eye to (or even find satisfaction in) their suffering bc theyre evil #and either brought it on themselves or it's just karma paying a visit #like. i feel like if pharma WERE a shitty doctor and a terrible person his whole life then the delphi situation would feel like karma #but the way it's written and the lore retroactively put in makes it feel more pharma getting thrown in a torture carousel #and THEN becoming evil. but then being treated as if he was always evil or was some sort of bad apple #bc like i'm not opposed to LOLing when a villain gets a karmic torture/death related to the wrongs they committed #but in pharma's case it feels less like karma and more like endless torture + being abandoned by ppl who should have been more loyal

[trans-cuchulainn]

there is no moral value in reading fast and there's also no moral value in reading slowly. people who read slowly aren't automatically/necessarily reading more thoroughly and thoughtfully than people who read quickly, and at the same time reading is not a race. some people read fast because that's how their brains work; some people read slowly because that's how THEIR brains work. some fast readers are getting deep into analysis and close reading and some slow readers are just along for the ride and not thinking too hard. these are both equally valid and valuable ways of engaging with books

and nobody should shame anybody else for reading slowly but also if i see one more post that suggests people who read quickly only read meaningless garbage (your elitism is showing btw) and lack reading comprehension, i will start blocking people. it's just bullshit, and it's weird judgy bullshit at that. some people have jobs in books where reading hundreds of books a year is part of it. some people are academics. some people are bedridden or isolated and trust me you get through a lot of books when you're stuck in your room alone for days. and some people love the books you consider garbage and they're just having fun passing the time with light fiction that isn't too brain intensive and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that either, because reading can be a form of relaxation and doesn't always have to be an ~intellectual challenge~ to be worth doing, actually

#néide has opinions about books #get to fuck with judging other people for their reading habits in general #also i hate tiktok as much as the next person but when you blanket-trash all popular books as booktok garbage #I'm beginning to think you're just a snob #this was in my drafts so i don't remember what prompted it #but it's true

[ssstrawberryflowers]

is this what they call projecting

#tw self harm #tw scars #tw self destructive behavior #make something ultrakill related more out of character than this I DARE YOU #/j #dumbass makes Gabriel too fragile and soft and V1 way too fucking kind WOW #the namefiles for these are “dogshit” and “trash” btw lol #i feel dumb #so fucking dumb for drawing this sort of shit tbh #like damn this bitch is making fanart of the bloodmurderbot game where the robot isn't killing and the angel isn't screaming and slashing?? #but instead are being like civil and nice to eachother intimate even and it's not ironic???? cringe bro cringe #ultrakill #ultrakill gabriel #v1 ultrakill #suggestive #gabriel ultrakill #gabv1el #my art #fan art #i'm so sorry

[landfilloftrash]

I have, quite literally, had this image sitting in my art program’s drafts for the past two years. I finally sat down and drew it.

#my art #Ace Attorney #Manfred von Karma #Damon Gant #I have never drawn the big orange power man before and I'm so unbelievably happy with how he came out in this #gantfred #that’s the right tag for y'all right? #this particular ship isn’t my cup of tea #but I can See The Dynamic. #my first thought upon Figuring Out who/what Damon Gant is; "Oh My God those two definitely fucked'' #either way it makes me smile and giggle. Horrible old men committing crimes together. #and besides. this is absolutely their dynamic. thank you have a great day /v jov #rea’s trash

[kickassfu]

If you bully someone off a platform, and into deleting a fanfiction, because it's something you don't like and find problematic I hope you take a good look at yourself and realize what you did is far worse than anything that writer could ever possibly write.

And also you're an asshole.

Fuck you.

#steddie #eddywow #yes i'm tagging the fandom #and the writer #you made her delete her tumblr and the fic in question #and i fucking hate all of you fuckers for it #when will you learn your actions have irl consequences? #trash ppl #anti assholes #mine

[roran01]

I GIVE UP!

#hetalia #hws #aph #nyotalia #aph norway #hws norway #I'm frustrated #I tried to draw with a sharp pen and ink and I fucked up #I'm throwing that pen in the trash

[k-martins]

I don't know what the worst case scenario is from now on Or Yuji dies to save Megumi. Or Megumi Dies to save Yuji. Or Yuji ends up killing Sukuna and Megumi Or Megumi comes back and doesn't accept being saved Or Yuji loses everyone he loves and Megumi is forever stuck with Sukuna Like, I can't imagine any scenario where they're both okay and going to therapy. I just wanted a happy ending, you stupid cat. But you killed the chance with Higuruma, Killed Gojo, are about to kill Choso, Megumi doesn't have a body and Yuji was made into meat cubes. What's your problem, Gege Akutami????

#I think I'm going to vomit #this is so fucked up #you hate your brother so much to give him every trauma known to humanity Gege #and since you're going to throw Megumi in the trash #let me know #because I can't stand another year of waiting for the his return #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #megumi fushiguro #jjk spoilers #fushiguro megumi #itadori yuji #yuji itadori #fushiita #itafushi #Of course I'm going to tag itafushi here even though it's not a shippost #the profile is mine

[murasaki-cha]

Tcf part 2 chapter 206-207

Lmao Cale being more scared of having to face a concerned Deruth who's about to schold him than going to the Apitoyu world

........ could this be a trauma response

#him fearing he'll get scholded like back when he was living with his abusive uncle #maybe he hit him and told him he was a hinderence and a bother every time he got hurt #so now he's scared of showing his family his pain thinking they'll be inconvenienced by him #.......fuck I'm sad again #tcf #trash of the count's family #lcf #lout of the count’s family #cale henituse #tcf novel #tcf part 2 #laws of hunting

[uncanny-tranny]

One of the reasons I'm starting to learn how to accept making "bad art" is to have unironically appreciated bad art for myself. Instead of worrying if I make art that is soul-crushing, earth-shattering, and something that Changes the World, what if I just... made art?

It's so freeing see that what is called "bad art" is often just a thinly-veiled criticism of an artist who doesn't conform to what they or their art "should" be. They have embodied their "bad art" so fully that you cannot begin to comprehend just how much it means for them to have crafted it. What good is it to make amazing art with no soul? What good is it to perform the illusion of art rather than create it? It's nothing short of rebellion to make something for you, to not worry at all what people consider "bad."

#art #positivity #i'm getting déjà vu making this post but i just feel so passionately about bad art #i used to think i liked it so that i could be a contrarian... #...but i realize that i like the passionate and the vivid #i'm sure i posted something to this effect but if i had i simply cannot find it (fuck you tumblr search engine) #since i am in equal measures a lover and a hater this post has inspired me to rewatch an eight-hour video trashing on a bad book... #...where i will enjoy the criticisms but deeply admire the author for having the hubris to say the book is the MOST important novem ever

[thatharringrovehoe]

#@duffers and Billy antis #side eye #SIDE EYE #He was just a kid! #a disabled abuse victim with NO ONE in his corner #NO ONE tried to save him #no one even noticed he was MISSING #i just-! #some of y'all have never suffocated under the boot heel of a physically and emotionally abusive father and IT SHOWS #anyway I'll defend this trash fire little fuck until I'm dead in the ground #billy hargrove #harringrove #steve harrington #stranger things

[sourrattree]

unreliable narrator + stupid reader is the worst combo ever because i actually trusted cale’s dialogue. i thought ron was actually ab to kill him everytime cale got scared of him and when he thought ppl were annoyed w him i thought that too

this mf really dragged me down w him

#Cale Henituse #IS A FUCKING LIAR. #tcf #lcf #trash of the count's family #lout of the count’s family #i'm stupid

[idontknowmyownmind]

This OG!ChoiCale fanfiction is so damn cute!!!

Give Love (200%) by mishamoonberry

The story is about og!CH who got addicted to otome game where og!Cale is one of the love interest

He is basically Cale's die-hard fan, collecting his merchandises and more

And one day, his world merge with the game. He is upset because all the merchandise he collected are gone (because the game is basically reality now), even the rare ones!! But guess, meeting Cale in real life kinda make up for it (he is going crazy for breathing the same air with his bias)

The fan -slash simp- definitely estatic to meet his favorite character

CH fumbling and being painfully honest with his 'attraction' toward Cale is so damn adorable and embarassing at the same time

I got second-hand embarassement following him simping over Cale

#og!cale henituse #cale henituse #trash of the counts family #au #choicale #choi han #og!choicale #i feels embarassed for choi han #he is a fucking simp #but i feels him #if i'm in his place i'll definitely fumbling too #sorry for the terrible summary

[hotwaterandmilk]

I'm still not well so this isn't going to be articulate, but I wanted to say something anyway.

In the wake of Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies (amongst other titles) being purged from streaming I've seen countless posts saying "This is terrible, we need to stop this practice -- they might purge a good show next!" and yeah, for sure a lot of titles being impacted by streaming purges/lack of physical media/a decline in archiving right now aren't going to be remembered for changing the world.

However, I think it is vital that we fight to preserve these titles for their own sake not just because "What if next time it's something we actually like?!" There is value is preserving things widely regarded as "bad" not just because I have firm beliefs about the absurdity of taste, but because who gives a shit if something is deemed "good?" Actual human people put their time and energy into realising these artistic visions. Even if the results are arguably not "good" or "popular", should the efforts of these artists be lost to the sands of time? No, no they fucking shouldn't.

I share a lot of art on this blog from titles very few people consider culturally important or valuabe. However, I don't look at the things I collect & share like that. Even some of the most objectively absurd titles I own are still pieces of art that were developed, published, and consumed by humans in the real world. Whether they've turned out to be broadly memorable or not is irrelevant because they existed and that in itself makes them worthy of preservation so that others can choose to familiarise themselves with them long after the original creative team is gone.

So yes, we should all be trying to preserve the media that's important to us and not let corporations try to stamp out every trace of a financial (though not necessarily artistic) misstep. However, it shouldn't take the threat of something we, personally, like being taken away to stir us into giving a shit.

Even the demise of less admired works should concern us and make us start to burn copies of Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies because it might not mean anything to you or I right now, but to some kid in 20 years it could be a seminal experience that leads them to follow their dreams. Or it could become a cult classic that people reflect on at watch parties years in the future. Or it could continue to be a footnote in the history of television that nobody really cares about.

Ultimately I don't think it matters what level of value we arbitrarily assign to media now or in the future, we should be trying to preserve as much of it as possible so that generations from now people can enjoy the option of engaging with these titles should they so wish.

#personal #idk i just feel strongly that even trash should be allowed to exist #and all of us be able to access it if we so choose #some of the most meaningful film experiences of my life have involved B movies and other “low” culture properties #i'm not well enough to even start rambling about high and low culture and the rich #but as an audience we should be able to select what we want to consume #and we should be able to access it regardless of local laws or cultural norms #that's why the efforts of archivists and media preservationists from the lost media wiki to the louvre are so important #“but this spongebob ad had no impact on society who cares if it is accessible or not?” #you can't determine the value of something based solely on your own experience with it #so yeah spongebob ads and episodes of wheel of fortune should continue to exist #and so should the trashiest shoujo manga in the world #god and i haven't even touched on how disproportionately things like this affect work by artists of colour #queer artists and disabled artists #it's super fucking shit and i refuse to let streaming take away these media choices #ok back to my covid sick bed