#if i haven't done the story; i prob would have not caught up on her character? and would have skiped her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

starrysharks · 28 days

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Now now, I know you have the Main 3 Projects you have + In-Dev Projects right now but aside from these, will you be able to focus on Metallic Miracle one day? /genq

This might be a suggestion probs. but, I don't know if you have any characters in there or not-

hopefully! i'm personally proud of myself for the concept, and i do write for it from time to time, so maybe one day i'll be able to write a proper script and release it one day. right now i've got a few characters done, and a general plot:

the story takes place in a futuristic earth - the protagonist, M1-RA, is an 8 year old former child soldier who fought in a war against these aliens that were specifically weak to prepubescents. all the other soldiers were put into a "synthetic coma" and controlled by trained adults, M1-RA somehow escaped the coma and was left to fight and evade the aliens to the best of her ability. why did she escape the coma you might wonder? it's because of her mother, who was one of the scientists who helped to design the robot parts that would be surgically added to the children's bodies - she and M1-RA attempted to escape and live off the grid, but were eventually caught, and M1-RA's mother was killed and M1-RA herself was left to be drafted a few years after every other child (so she was only in the war for a little under a year.)

that little bunny robot with her is rabbot - which is an AI robot that helps her out, and was originally built by her mother as a multi-functional device (think GPS + flashlight + various other things).

anyway, after the war (which lasted roughly 5 years) only around 10,000 survivors were left of the millions who fought. those survivors were also stuck in a child's body forever as the cyborg-ification was permanent and stoped their bones from developing further (i know it makes no sense lol). those survivors were sent to orbit the earth in small shuttles as they couldn't be taken out of their comas, and most died. however, after around 50 years it was discovered that M1-RA and 2 other survivors still had a heartbeat, and were therefore returned to earth. M1-RA was sent to a large city (still unamed) and now lives with this group of city defenders (kind of like firefighters but for mid-level alien threats) and the story revolves around her, her trauma, and character battles, as well as trying to find the other survivors.

for the defense group, i have a few characters, but haven't drawn them in digital yet. i'll sketch them out -

firstly thoma, who isn't the leader but likes to act like she is. she's a 30 year old basically fitness influencer type, and is also a super genius who created these aids to help her in battle (the pigtail arms). M1-RA (or mira as she's known as by the defense team) lives in her home, and she's kind of rude and snobby but she means well.

secondly nonon, the explosives specialist. he's kind of a hyperactive weirdo who's obsessed with blowing stuff up, and is pretty silly and unserious when it comes to his job. he tries to help mira take risks and venture out more.

and the last character i've properly developed for the defense team is lovelox. she's the mechanic and is super sweet and kind, but treats mira like glass. she's a good friend/rival of thoma and helped make her robot arms.

so yea they all go on adventures and what not, its kind of fuzzy right now but i hope you don't mind me springing all of this on you lol. thank you for the ask, i don't really talk about metallic miracle so getting to dump so much info in one go is good fun ^^

#ask zeno #zeno's art #ocs #nonon exothermann #thoma tendonne #lillian loveloxx #M1-RA #metallic miracle

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fandomscraziness22 · 1 year

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keeeeeeer

B, M, P, R, T, U, and V 💕

shelllllly! love you!

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

not too many! most of my fics are inspired by something else i've seen/read/listened to instead of my own life lol. without you i'm drifting on is probs the most personal with the angst, and i could get used to this is most personal with the fun! also sorta right this way, because i just freaking love Bandstand and found those parallels so easily

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

answered here, but another one i know you're anxious for is Healer!Adam au, where adam is also atypical and has a healing power. lots of random ideas, nothing solid for that one (except for the beginning lol)

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

oof, it depends! i tend to have a vague idea of what i want to happen (the big thing) but then how i get there is usually determined by the characters/what ends up happening when i'm writing! that's how i thought i was innocent (but there is blood all on my hands) ended up being 3 chapters instead of 2, and how i miss the days when grew to be almost 15k!

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

definitely you! any time i come up with a good metaphor i think of you <3 but also I think just any of my favorite YA authors, who write fast-paced but also emotional books (like Sabaa Tahir or Leigh Bardugo) influence me. anything i enjoy becomes a sort of an influence, but i'm not sure i could pick out anything in particular i try to emulate?

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

answered here, but to go along with that, accidental pregnancy. i just don't care for it at all (though i don't mind the occasional accidental baby acquisition if it's done right)

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

(not counting you, though you are absolutely one of my favs)

@pink-flame her writing is such a good mix of emotions and crazy things happening! also the ability to finish long fics? i envy it! (shh i know she hasn't finished all of them that's okay we love her because we understand)

@pawprinterfanfic listen, i still haven't caught up on the willex star wars au, but HOLY CRAP THIS GIRL'S FICS ARE SOOOOO GOOD!!! also long fics that sustain me forever, it's amazing! the amount of Bellarke this girl has written is insane, and the emotion behind everything is soooo good!

and I CANNOT REMEMBER THEIR TUMBLR THIS IS GONNA BOTHER ME!!!!! but they wrote the amazing juke winter fic called the lucky one (i think it might be you), and also this series about 5 times _ happened. i just love their writing so much!!!! UPDATE IT’S @tangledstarlight THE LEGEND!!!!

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

listen. this one is one of my favorites so i don't know if i would actually want a sequel to it. but. light my heart and light my shadow. i want to see the emotional fallout sooooo bad!! and like, would it result in caleb telling adam about his powerup sooner? because it might force a conversation earlier? or would things have gotten even more strained between them, and caleb almost doesn't call adam when ben goes missing because he doesn't want to open that can of worms again? i don't know!!!

send me fanfic asks!

#shelly i love you but this was sooooo many!!!#lololol #answered asks #fanfic #fanfic game

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picnokinesis · 2 years

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Wait when Graham dragged the doctor in from a bar fight while she was still missing half her memories? Can we pretty please hear more about that story?

HAHA ok so I'm not sure if you remember what that reference in the latest chapter was referring too and want more details, or if you forgot, anon, but either way, for those who don't know - there's a flashback scene in Part 2, Chapter Four, where the Doctor shows up with a black eye, bleeding nose and soaked through on Graham and Grace's doorstep, and Graham drags her inside and quickly discovers that she's been in a barfight hahah. But I do actually have things I know about that whole incident that I haven't told you so I was very happy to see this ask

So essentially what happens here, from the Doctor's perspective, is that she went looking for the TARDIS, because she very abruptly remembered that it was missing, but not where she parked it. She's still a bit...head injury dazed, at this point, and doesn't realise until about a couple of hours into roaming Sheffield, certain that she'd find it, that actually the train she caught that crashed and made her lose her memory in the first place? Was travelling TO Sheffield. Which means, most likely? Her van is parked nearby the station she GOT ON AT. Which was not Sheffield. So the TARDIS is not in Sheffield.

Around the same time, she realises that she doesn't know how to get back to the O'Brien's house. This was partially intentional - she hadn't been intending to go back once she'd found the TARDIS. Obviously, that hasn't worked out, but she doesn't know how to get back, and she doesn't want to call them even though they put their numbers in her phone, and so she just. Doesn't.

(I'm not entirely sure what she does for the next couple of days that she's AWOL - other than try and remember what station she got on at, jump on a few trains to go and look for the TARDIS...and ultimately fail to find it)

And then she ends up in a bar in Sheffield city centre, overhears some guy being super racist and awful to the bartender, and decides that the most prudent course of action is to punch the guy in the face. (For interest: this was sort of supposed to be either a parallel to Rosa, or to Thin Ice. Probably leaning towards Thin Ice at this point, because Rosa could probs be it's own case, but it does fall at the right sort of 's11 era' vague haze in this au)

Now - at this point, the Doctor still has most of her memories missing. She knows who she is, roughly - like her name, her job etc. She's remembered some of her more recent memories (i.e. most things from between 2013-2018, so that includes people like Amy and Rory, Clara, and thus a bunch of cases she did, which gives her a pretty general sense of who she is as a person). But she still has a LOT missing, and she's aware of that. Some of what she's missing is the events of between 2004-2007. Aka, the time when she was a university, getting into bar fights and getting pulled out of them by Jack, among other people.

So then she's in this bar fight, in the present day, and the similarity of it makes her brain go 'OH! Yeah we've done this before' and it fires the right neurons or whatever, which just connects some memories together, and suddenly she's remembering all these fights she got into at uni, which is not helpful when she's actually IN a fight, and she gets completely disorientated, and isn't quite sure what's going on or where or when she is. And so, she takes a few more hits than she would normally, and it turns out it's less 'her vs this guy' and more 'her vs this guy and his friends' - but I reckon someone manages to pull her away from them or something and she bolts before anyone can try and help her hahaha. She's still extremely mixed up, but the rain and not being in a fight anymore helps clear her head a bit. The only issue is, with those university memories being unlocked, suddenly a whole chunk of OTHER memories from the same period of time start coming forward too......which, of course, includes the Cybermen incident. And like, it doesn't come nice and neatly in a way that's easy for her to interpret, and it doesn't come in the right order. It's all messy and extremely distressing and she doesn't fully understand what it IS, or if it's real because surely whatever it is in her head can't be real, can it? And she's got this sudden, intense sense of guilt, like she knows before she even remembers that she got people she cared about killed. That people who trusted her, people she promised to keep SAFE, are dead. And she can't really deal with it.

Luckily for her, she's bolted out of the city centre in the direction of Sheffield station, and takes the path round the back which takes her up round the front of Park Hill (she doesn't know Yaz lives there at this point). At first, she's just looking for somewhere sheltered and wishing desperately for the TARDIS, and then she starts to recognise the streets. She realises that she's near Graham and Grace's. Which is GREAT because then she can just kip on their sofa for one night, whilst she figures out what the hell is going on with her head. Of course, we know that's not how it goes down because Grace and Graham won't just let her bleed on their sofa hahahah. But that's why she's a bit 'deer in the headlights' with Graham. Graham thinks it's because someone hurt her, or she remembers someone hurting her. But it's more that she's realising just how much these people already care about her, and she's very abruptly become aware that people who care about her get hurt, and it's usually her fault. (This, of course, is in addition to her underlying, unshakeable fear of medical care, which actually sort of overlaps with people just....looking after her physically when she's hurt. Of course, she does not know why she feels that way, but it's extremely deep-rooted)

#taka replies #long post #campervan au #anon #this is such a good question #I still really like that flashback chapter #it's definitely graham's moment of #oh no i'm adopting this one #HAHAHAHA

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bittybattybunny · 3 years

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I hope your not feeling down on your writing skills because I haven't caught up and commented on your latest releases. It's not you it's that I pick too many fanfics to follow and they all update a lot and I've been so busy and I've fallen behind on so many fics from various authors and sometimes my depression just makes me want to lie in bed all day doing nothing and it doesn't help I have to spend my limited spoons helping family everyday. I know these aren't good excuses, but I do sympathize with the lack of energy feeling at least. But your work really does bring a lot of joy to my life. It's so fun keeping up with your various AUs, and your latest one that features Kaya as Spider King has me really hyped because I want to learn more about Kaya, she's so fun! And Ruclipse is such a good comfort ship that just hits all the things I like seeing in a ship. You're so amazing and creative and it's awful that anyone would try to make you feel otherwise! Like your newest OC, Justin Tyme seems like such a lovable dumbass bastard. I love his wild, curly hair and his dapper outfit. I can't wait to see what dumb shit he gets himself into! I know this is really long and rambly, but I hope you know you have fans who genuinely love your work. I don't know if you're still thinking about that one comment you mentioned that got you really down, but honestly, fuck that guy. I don't know what they said but it must have been pure BS to have you doubting your hard earned art skills. I wish I could do more to prove you're awesome and that your fans really admire you, I just hope you don't stop sharing what you love because some rando was nasty for no good reason. Because we love what you do!

It's not like anyone one person nonny so please don't blame yourself. This has been an ongoing thing for a few months actually...

it's just a general thing over all lately like. I mentioned this in dm's with a friend but overall past few months I've had lower engagement overall with my works and it really does a number on my confidence. More so because like your latter point.

yes, I am still very much thinking about that one negative comment. Because that person also has the need to comment on other things and I even had a thing asking why I took a few weeks to update (when reality I posted to another ongoing fic and my TLC chapters are long chapters) and just the fact they could tear into a character (yes it was a comment on a character specifically and not even a main character it's a side character who has an important role for Snatcher's growth as a person down the line) then go saying "why didn't you update" when I posted a double update that week---

Like it lives in my head rent free and I want to literally cry because like the character is a focal in an upcoming chapter and I can't deal with another "why are they back" type thing. because "everyone finds them annoying"

And I'll be honest. it was Kaya. Like I've been trying to have fun with my BCU stuff with her as Spiderking because it's engaging for me and me and @/doodleimprovement even came up with a b-plot involving Kaya and Hattie trying to hook Nell and Marcus together and it's one of the best things as well as Kaya and Nell having a really good relationship.

but because of that one comment it makes me hesitant to do anything with Kaya despite she's one of my oldest ocs, my most thought out ocs and I adore her beyond anything. Like yes she's over powered and such and in TLC rn she comes off as a know it all, but upcoming chapters will show she's just a spacey kid who's trying to fit into a role others decided for her and isn't really as all mighty as she seems. Snatcher even ends up thinking of her as a little sister more than anything. Like fuck I'm even hesitant to share anything on her actual story despite how much work is in it. Like she's my favorite Oc (that's why shes my discord icon, and I'm pretty sure she's my twitter icon as well)

And like the points in the comment just. IDK they didn't fit to her, if anything the points are more suited to be shot at Eclipse.

Which is another thing I just get iffy on. I love RuClipse and everything with it. I love writing and drawing the dorks. But I'm now so afraid if Kaya could be attacked for only showing in a handful of chapters that don't even touch on who she is, when is someone going to finally tell me off on my wolf? who's going to tear into a character I pour a lot of personal shit into to try and comfort myself?

I use Ruclipse to deal with my own romantic heart, they are what I wish I could have so I love to write them, I hurt them but i like to make them happy in the end. Someone who can deal with your highs and lows. No ones perfect but you can still figure it out and love even the negative parts (I am a heavy romantic OTL)

he is in fact a lovable bastard. i have fun plans and he gives me an excuse for why Cel is so tired and having to be the brain cell and how she even wound up working with the time kids when she's so much older than they are. Currently I'm trying to think of how to use him and honestly I think he's gonna wind up hella comic relief fun guy who's just making a mess and do his own side story while Hat and Bow are busy in subcon----

thank you, I don't mind the rambly it kinda gave me a chance to get this off my chest... like I've typed this kinda response up time and time again and I always delete. I feel like I'm whining because I get upset but it's just, I spend so much time making things, I use all my spoons on either working or creating, I just want to know if it means anything but then negativity lives in my head because what's a functioning meat cube??? I try to stay positive but it's hard. Like another thing is Moon Guardian; the reason I haven't updated? because I have had someone bothering me about it. weekly I get asked about how I'm doing on it but it's not from a place of "want to read it" it's because I told them they couldn't post a certain thing until the chapter is done so it feels pressuring to constantly get asked because I feel the only reason they want to post is to boost their thing and I'm just the machine to boost it with my characters and comic.... like it feels they've taken the comic from me and it sucks because I have so many fun things planned. Like I accidentally went off on Nina about a thing with Alpine skyline and Eclipse as well as a thing with a Time Rift and a Jelly ghost.

Sorry kinda went off, just I've sat on this thought train since like early april. I've done my best to ignore it and just keep going but it's gotten really hard with the fact my health hasn't been really great. I've spent a lot of time lately bed bound because I just hurt so badly. if I'm not resting, I'm at my day job which is incredibly stressful rn as I only really work mornings and I see things that are being missed so then i report it and it still gets missed and i can't get it fixed after a point cuz we're back to full service and need the people so I can't nitpick but just.... I'm bitter okay like if I left this shit when I worked I would have gotten yelled at but now we just let it slide??? and this stresses me out which then causes my body to freak out because I'm stressed which puts me in more pain. and then like at work have people acting shocked I have my cane or soemthing and just skfdslkfksdf

so my energy is so tanked. and then the negative comment in my head, no idea if people like things cuz I have no idea if I hear nothing, just has had me doubting why post. Like I should go back to just not posting my stories and sketches or w/e and slink back to my hole like I was before.

idk Its just. a bad night in the house of bun. I've had these thoughts festering and I guess today was the dam breaking. It's probs cuz I'm nervous posting Chimeras because it's a very dark au.

#ask #anon #not art #long post #sorry im just in a bad spot tonight I guess #like i started my day pretty okay but somewhere along the way it nose dived and I'm just trying to not cry in my room

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billiskar · 6 years

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-Daisy-

Inside a simple two story home, there were two teen girls. Their giggling overflowing and dancing down the hall. Y/N and her neighbor friend Cassidy sat alone in the house. Exchanging secrets and rumors was a favorite pastime between the girls and the recent romantic relationship between Y/N and the illusive Roman Godfrey was the topic of the night's conversation.

"I don't believe it" Cassidy said matter of factly.

"It's true!" Y/N partly shouted, more or less out of embarrassment over the fact that she hasn't slept with Roman yet. He was always gentlemanly with her (despite his sleazy reputation with other girls). Godfrey would hint at intimacy without making Y/N uncomfortable. Soft whispers into her ears, grazing fingers over her thigh and most recently, very suggestive texts.

Cassidy read aloud the messages the young man had sent to her. She mimicked her best impression of Roman, which was just her goofy low voice,

"You can't wear those tights anymore y/n... I can't think straight, ill rip them off you. I don't care if it's in the middle of class"

Y/N shrugged, "So what? He sexts me a bit... Doesn't mean we've done it".

The friend scoffs, "If you guys haven't done it, then what's holding you back? Are you scared?"

Y/N blushes. The truth is, she was scared. Not of him hurting her, more she was embarrassed of being too inexperienced to him. She already feels like a child compared to him, she doesn't need to add sexual inexperience to the table. Y/N tried to grab the phone back from Cassidy, only for her to jump up from the bed with a determined look in her eye.

"Kid" her pointed stare and mischevious smile directed towards me, "Im gonna get you laid!" She squealed and giggled. Hurriedly she typed into the phone. But Y/N was quick on her feet, terror fueling her. They wrestled back and fourth for possession of the small device.

"Sent!" She held the phone up in the air victoriously.

Y/N mouth was agape, "What... Did... You... Send...?"

"Oh... Nothing... Just that you were alone in your bedroom and needed some company". Her smile went ear to ear. "So I'll just head back home and let you guys have fun. But I expect details, Y/N. DETAILS!"

And Cassidy was out the door and to her house within minutes. Y/N just stood there in shocked silence. A waterfall of questions looped in her mind. What would Roman say? Was that too forward? What if that ruins everything between them? What if he's no longer interested? What if it's too early? Y/N grabs the phone and re-reads Cassidy's message over and over again. No response. Which was unusual for Godfrey, usually he would respond within 30 seconds. Of course only now he decides to be inattentive to his phone. She flipped between staring at the phone and staring at the ceiling for about ten minutes. Why, Cassidy? Why?! Everything was going fine, now he wasn't responding. She checked her phone again. Nothing. She stared hard at the ceiling. Checked her phone again. Nothing. Y/N let out an enormous sigh, she decided she would text him an apology for her friends misconduct.

Until she heard a knock on the door.

Y/N heart slammed into her throat. Is he here? Sprinting out of her bedroom, down the stairs and up to the front door, Y/N caught her breath, pushing unruly hairs from her face.

"Be cool" she whispered faintly to herself and then opened the door. Sure enough, stood tall, dark and handsome.

"Y/N" he purred. Reaching inside his pocket he pulled out his phone and showed her own text, glowing down on her. "Feeling lonely, huh? I think I can help". Pushing forward into her house, Y/N couldn't help but notice how out of place he was in her home. His long figure dressed in high end clothing, black on black, with a watch and styled hair to match. Roman looked like a prince inside a hut.

"S..so what do you wanna do?" Y/N stuttered, barely believing this was happening. Roman turned back towards her his face wearing a thick plaster of arrogance and dark excitement.

"Can I ask you something?" His voice was dangerously low, slightly on the edge of a growl. Y/N felt small and whimpered out a tiny,

"yes?"

Clearing his voice, "I don't mean to offend you, I'm really just curious" he paused, "Are you a virgin?"

Heat rose to her cheeks. This was a conversation she planned to have quite awhile from now, but it seems she's center stage in his questioning. Her voice lost, she nods in response.

Godfrey's smile grows bigger. His eyes narrow in on her, biting his lower lip, he approaches her. Y/N can't even breathe as he catches her chin between his fingers.

"Tch, tch, little one" his laughter follows, "Oh the fun we'll have".

----

-ill probs make a part II if y'all want it

#roman godfrey x reader #roman godfrey imagine #roman godfrey smut #roman godfrey #romangodfrey #roman #bill skarsgård smut #bill skarsgård fanfiction #bill skarsgård x reader #bill skarsgård imagine #bill skarsgard

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penguinrecovery96 · 5 years

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*trigger warning* BPD SEVERELY FUCKED ME OVER TODAY!!!!

I didn't sleep at all last night. I actually feel like I have been awake for days. Most of it was anxiety surrounding my appointment with N because of how shit I have been. I was just properly up from about 6am also struggling with acid reflux (is this a common thing in eating disorders????)

I ended up self harming. I tried to distract myself with puzzles and also by watching two points of lager on iPlayer. It helped a little. N turned up at 11:06 when I thought it was 11:30 so she massively caught me off guard and I didn't know what was going to happen. My arm was still bleeding. I hadn't prepared so I massively failed at lying to her. Today's appointment should have gone somewhat simply. We would have discussed the potential of getting a job and then just the usual stuff. Instead things escalated to discussions about family dynamics, death and trauma. I also had to discuss the fact that these intrusive images are coming back and how it effected me over new year's. You can guess that all of this lead to me completely disconnecting and getting a very difficult image/flashback.

I made the decision because of my arm to talk about self harm. She left that in my hands. This escalated to conversations surrounding risk (conjoined with everything). This is where things get bad and I know it should have been fucking simple but just know that my bpd took me and everyone around me for a fucking ride today. I'm in no dissilusion that I was in the wrong. N got me an assessment with this crisis place and I freaked out during it. It's a big step. It's like a mini admission. I then started completely pushing everything back and N was not happy with me. She called bullshit on what I was saying and suggesting we do. She told me straight what would happen but my fear levels were beyond 100. I know I've put her in an awful position. And I am so incredibly grateful for this woman and the support that she gives me. She does care. Many haven't. Well anyway she stopped responding to me and said she would call me on Monday and walked out of my house closing the door between us.

My little bpd brain freaked the fuck out and I thought abandonment and also knew I had fucked things up, should have gone ahead with the all the things we spoke about, and also I was terrified about the prospect of the weekend and how I was meant to deal with it. How was I going to cope when I had pushed away my one support network. How was I going to cope with all this emotion and turmoil.

Thankfully I managed to text with N straight after. She was just trying to reassure me to stick with it. I told her I was sorry and explained that I am just scared. I had to tell her that in the midst of the build up of stress I had overdosed ( but I had purged so I knew I would be okay). N called an ambulance. I didn't want her to because I find being at a&e really difficult. The paramedics were lovely thankfully. Both female. I tend to get all male crews. We ended up talking about toy story and Disney mostly.

At a&e I had all the one done, 2x blood tests and an ECG. There is a receptionist there and she barged in and was like "what's going on!" I literally love her she is so freaking lovely and supportive and genuine. She stayed with me as much as possible. I always feel like I let her down when I am there. Someone else I feel this way to is a mental health nurse called Barry. He is so down to earth and will have a laugh but also tell you as it is. I kinda died a little inside when I saw him cause I had only seen him on Sunday. he got me to ring Nicola to ring him so I had to do that. I was so anxious at first but N seemed to be just like she always is. She just doesn't want me locked in a cycle. I don't want that either but it's difficult to see anything but a major crisis on the horizon and I feel unable to manage or sustain anything. She said the meds I had requested wouldn't be given to me because of the overdose. I don't know if they were going to give me sleeping pills too (probs not if I'm honest). We briefly discussed HTT but said I would discuss it with MHLT later on.

I met some lovely nurses who told me their stories and listened to mine. Made me laugh when I wanted to cry and I am genuinely so grateful for them tonight!

I was put in a room in one of those hospital nighties so I was convinced that I wasn't going anywhere tonight. I was then transferred somewhere else in a&e and pretty much left. I had been fighting the anxiety but I couldn't handle everything and I ended up self harming for about 15/20 mins before someone noticed my door was shut. I was then restrained by about 6-8 people. The lead consultant actually told a load of them to go. I managed to still cut with them on me. They started bandaging my arm so I couldn't get to it and then also trying to get the blade from my hand which took 3 people. They got it. They started saying they would read my notes and that if I didn't calm down they would have to give me a sedative ( I know they probably would have chosen haleperidol which does fuck all to me). There was one nurse in that room who he just held my hands and squose them. He told me that I was alright and everything would be alright. He cleaned my hands and then he held them more. He just made me feel safe. He tried to make me smile and he would keep bobbing in to see me as I had been moved to a more "observable bay". I don't think that it was really but ok.

I saw someone else from mhlt, not gonna lie I wish it had been Barry but oh well. She was alright but it was more matter of fact at first, not about what had it was happening but the coming days. I have to see HTT tomorrow. I have an appointment with them which does scare me because things went so badly before with them but N and Barry both wanted me to access it and so I agreed. I know that I will be seeing N and HTT on Monday most likely for a joint session. Fuck that's gonna be balls!!! I don't have any meds until Sunday probably because I've ran out of meds and they probably won't supply me with anything until Sunday or even next week. I want to see Maddie or Liz who I saw last time but I don't know if they still work there. I don't know why I particularly want to see them when shit went so badly once my care was in their hands. I am trying to be positive about it all. I know risks are increasing and at the first sign it isn't working I'm opting out because I cannot have a repeat of the summer.

I am so glad that they let me go home. Unfortunately I was not allowed to do that fully independently because the hospital paid for a taxi but they made sure I got home safe and it was free so.

I don't know how I would have coped with being in overnight. I did fear after the self harming at the hospital after overdosing and self harming that I was going to be sectioned or at least put on a 5(2). Thank fuck I bypassed that one. Had stitches and steri strips and patched up. Blood work normal. I'm not sure what the ECG results were. I'm just glad it's over.

...oh and I got a new diagnosis or anaemia which shocked me so much!

Like I said I have no cardiology knowledge so I don't know if that is abnormal or not

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captainshazamerica · 3 years

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Yeah it's the same anon 💜 dude my apologies for the amount of crap I've spewed in your ask box but in my defense no one I know gives a shit about batfam or gotham rogues or Alfred (I've gushed here about alfreds fabulousness too opps) anndd I partly blame you for me falling back into the titans trap cuz s1 was meh I forgot I even watched s2 😅 then I seen some titans stuff on your blog and boom my brain latched onto it and now here I am experiencing maternal fear for my son jason 😢you are 1000% right this jason is PERFECTION as robin like actual perfection I dunno why but I thought this robin was like 16? So I was thinkin how tf is 16/17 yo supposed to be redhood!? It work in comics/cartoon but live action 16 y/o redhood seems meh I kinda want the lazarus pit just I freakin want TALIA but I don't think that's gonna happen I dunno

Tbh (this may be biased) but I think the Gotham tv show is literally the best dc comics adaptation of anything ever! it is superior to all thier shows movies animations and the arrowverse at least in my books lol

Tumblr is my only form of 'social media' and I don't keep up with updates or anything about shows cuz I like to pretend the fiction is real and I don't want reality wrecking that for me like hahahaa so I had no clue about timmy or babs but I'm so happy

DUDE YES this is literally the only time I can see bruce ever killing the joker on screen aww please I want it so bad I mean they probably won't but they should cuz this is the only capacity in which batman can kill the joker live action like if down the line somewhere on another show/movie bruce killed joker he prob wouldn't be dead dead or they'd bring him back some way so the kill wouldn't even matter but old bruce killing the joker because he's finally had enough he's old now, jasons death finished him and he's not gonna be batman anymore it's a nice end for batman and the joker, it's the only way we'll ever get this end cuz like you said they'll never have the balls to permanently kill joker any other way in live action everything is aligning perfectly for this to happen so dang dc just freakin let it happen c'mon

Yo whose your first fav rogue? Is it riddler? I feel like mines riddler haven't really thought much about whose my fav gotham rogue but I'd probably say riddler, I prefer the central city rogues but the Gotham rogues are just pure chaos and I'm living for that hahaa

I'd rather superheros/vigilantes/villians in live action not have relationship drama just put them in a relationship or dont like I came for the action and weird super shit not the ordinary relationship drama thankfully titans seem to be doing okay in this aspect I do quite like dickkory a lot but I mean in the supergirl show ughhh I was like I came here for the flying and the dope laser eyes I don't give a shit about her getting a boyfriend like seriously whyyy

My brain decides to jump about obsessing over characters like one week Kory is my wife next week detective grayson is my husband and I AM NIGHTWING then my brain is like no Barbara kean is wifey just basically fictionally I'm married to everyone 😅

Yikes this was so long sorry girl

Omg, pls don't apologize! I get so dang excited whenever i get an ask, yours always make my day, you don't even know! Like same about no one i know caring about dc/batfam! And talking to someone about it is so much better than yelling into the wind here on a text post that no one reads xD Don't stop sending your asks whenever you wanna dump your feels/talk about dc/batfam omg.

And Im so proud I got you into this Titans spiral xD My work here is done hahahaha. But yes, I feel like his looking so young for red hood over shadows how great his jason robin performance was! Love seeing him get that recognition! But yeah, the age is def off, like I cant remember how old they said he was in the show, maybe 16? but too young for red hood in live action form. Like its hard cause in reality 16 year olds and 19 year old boys typically don't look too different, for the most part, while comics you can get get away with it more. Huh, yeah, it doesn't seem like Talia is gonna happen, maybe just maybe a cameo or something? Cause we also weren't expecting joker but here we are(tho it almost looks like he wont be a big plot point/even see him much, it almost looks like it is just showing how brutal gotham is? But like its just the trailer and doesnt always give the full picture so who knows!)

Omg YES about Gotham! I 1000% agree! Im also biased cause its what got me into batman, again like exactly a year ago! It got me into the world like no other media of dc had before!(well, Shazam did, i guess tech thats the start of my interest in dc/first time i read the comics, but gotham is what really got me into this spiral). I hate how much hate it gets, like yeah its not perfect and they took creative liberties obviously, but i 100% agree that its the best adoption of DC yet! 100%! Its so nice to see the characters and rogues fleshed out more. I feel like it successfully did what Nolan tried to do in terms of making it dark and realistic, but in a way that was more accurate and true to the comics! I wish it wasn’t canceled so early and thus the last season had to be so rushed :(

thats smart, i typically dont look for spoilers and stuff anymore but I just got so hyper focused that I had to look at least what the stars were putting out on social media, but yeah, i use to get so caught up in all that that it took the fun out of seeing it live.

Oh my gosh, that would seriously be the PERFECT end to batman and joker story in this universe omg. Amen about all that! And like it would hopefully show Jason how much he cares? So maybe Bruce would kill him after red hood emerges? It will be interesting to see hat causes Jason to be so dang pissed in this version.

ahaha yes riddler is my fav! (my header gave it away didn’t it xD) I love most Riddlers but ESPECIALLY gotham riddler, Ed is like one of my fav character of all time. Oooh, I don’t know central city rogues all that well(well, way more than Metropolis rogues, I know so little about superman world), like I know some from the first 3 and a half seasons of the flash (I watched a couple years ago but got busy with school and couldn’t keep up and just never caught up/didnt have motivation to finish(plus i forgot so much id have to rewatch everything again), but I saw they finally just introduced Bart Allen, so I have have to randomly jump back in for a bit cause Bart is one of my favsss), and the ones in the cartoons and stuff

Ha! true, i dont mind it when its for character development or if I happen to be super into the ship(like Nygmakins in Gotham omg, I know they are super unpopular but they are like one of my OTPs omg), I feel like it has to be balanced right/not too much focus on the drama of the relationship over everything else. Like a minor subplot is good but don’t make it the focus of the show. And yeah , supergirl never appealed to me cause of that reason! i like drama and not JUST action (I like psychological drama, as long as there is comfort to follow xD) but yea i get what u mean by too much relationship focus . I think, for the most part, Gotham did that pretty well.

omg i love the disaster bi vibes you are giving off xD But omg I feel the jumping around thing so much ahaha. Like right now the 4 robins are constantly on rotation on who I’m obsessing over at the moment tbh xD

Omg mine responses are just as long, don’t apologize!!!! <333333333333333

#long post #anon #meredith gets an ask #ask #meredith thoughts #rambling #batman #batfam #gotham #titans #fan theories #speculation #titans speculation #predictions

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tumblunni · 6 years

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Hi, I'm the anon who sent the messages about Rotom-Cyrus to TWJ. I wanted to explain myself. There are two books in Rotom's Room: one written by Charon where he says he found out about Rotom "by pure chance." So Charon is involved with Rotom (prob why he has that card) but he isn't the one who met Rotom as a kid. I don't want to spoil exactly what happens in USUM incase you haven't reached that part but it does basically confirm Cyrus is the one who wrote that account.

aaaa that suuuuuckscos literally its fuckin a book signed by charon how was i meant to know that oh the other book right next to it isnt by charon alsoand the trading card has no meaning whatsoeverand we’re just giving more sad backstory to a guy who already had a sad backstory and nope charon has no backstory whatsoever and was just super evil and everyone was right for all these years telling me i’m a jerk for liking this characterand right when basically the same thing just happened with faba seriouslyharmless comedic villain in sun and moon, is shown apparantly redeemed in the postgame, but NOPE now its retconned and he was The Most Evil One and something something lusamine isn’t bad anymore and everything she ever did is now being done by faba in the animecos hey yknow thats what i get for giving the benefit of the doubt to ~ugly people~seriously fuckin everyone hated faba right from when he was first revealed, you had people predicting his ENTIRE PLOT based on just one picture of him and his name and no information whatsoever on his personality. we all just fucking knew what was going to happen because he’s a science man with an ‘ugly’ face and he’s ~flambouyant~and then charon fuckin literally existed to be the ~worse man~ who was added to make cyrus more redeemablethats how he was treated in both mangas. he was made more evil just so cyrus could be redeemed, which was POINTLESS because we all already believed he could be redeemed! and fuck we even all already thought he had cute moments with his pokemon as a kid, geez! there’s a hundred fanarts of that same scenario but with murkrow or zubat or magikarp or houndour or sneasel...just fuckin the pokespe manga wrote a personalityless charon who murdered a child and was outright shown not being friends with rotom and actually hating rotom and getting his ass kicked by rotomand then in DPA we get not only More Evil Charon Who Kills People but also he’s drawn really stupidly over the top scary while everyone else is big eyed shoujo dorks. and our protagonist believes that everyone is redeemable except charon. lets show cyrus committing far more evil acts than charon ever did in the game, lets show him being ooc as fuck and talking about murdering pokemon while surrounded by graves. but THAT IS OKAY and our hero will insist on saying he’s redeemable but NOOOPE charon just fuckin steals some money and has an ugly grandpa face and he gets no such sympathy. he just exists to make you forget that moment of cyrus being ooc double evil. cos we literally retconned that charon was responsible for all cyrus’s evil acts last arc, even though he wasnt even in the fuckin story yetand like now my only damn consolation here is that the character i connected with when i first played the game is AT LEAST NOT THAT EVIL. but all the potential signs of headcanoning him as not evil were all false and i just should have known it. and apparantly its a better and more worthwhile plot to just give sad childhood man another pokemon he knew in his sad childhood, and the thing i thought was Really Cool And Interesting Writing didn’t actually exist. like seriously i was fuckin literally suffering from the same abusive childhood cyrus has in his backstory back when i played dppt and i DO NOT KNOW WHY but i ended up connecting with this stupid grandpa more than him and it saved me in a dark time more than him. back then i was a stupid fuck and i hated cyrus cos i saw myself in him, like i didnt want to admit that i was in an abusive family and i wanted to hate him for daring to want to take revenge against the world that fucked him over. i felt he didnt have the right, like I didnt have the right..so yeah i didnt even fully realise cyrus’s backstory until i replayed the game as an adult, but the one thing that did hit me back then was how unexpected and cool it was to turn our opinion of this jerk grandpa on its head. like i mean whoa! i didnt hate him like everyone else did, i found him pretty funny, but still i wasnt a big fan or anything until i saw that diary entry. like charon does LITERALLY NOTHING in the plot there is no reason they should have added him in a third version, he has no reason to exist unless he was meant to be the guy who introduces rotom’s new forms also added in the game. and it was such a mind blown moment! it doesnt even make him less evil! like “whoa this evil guy used to be a good kid once” could still work even if it WASNT a sign of him having potential redeemability, like it makes him so much more personally evil and horrible if he abandoned his best friend or something. I was so dissappointed you don’t get a boss battle with him, cos i went and caught that rotom and was hyped to defeat him with the pokemon he once betrayed and like there’s NONE OF THAT ANGLE if it was cyrus. it doesnt make rotom any different than any of his other pokemon that he owns right now and we know he already cares about, cos he has a crobat.and it JUST DOESNT MAKE SENSEbecause the journal SOUNDS like charon!they both talk all smart guy style but it felt more formal like how charon talksand like how charon boasts a lot, but the journal has him boasting about his friend instead. it sounds too enthusiastic to be cyrus...and like we already know where cyrus grew up as a kid and it wasnt eterna city. and he doesnt have a secret lab in galactic hq also in eterna city, like charon does. and also he’s not like friggin fifty years old so why would his childhood poke-friend be in a wrecked abandoned house if it was just ten years ago or something. and also why would they give charon this trading card where they draw the 100% evil guy having a vaguely genuine smile on his face and not looking like rotom hates him and he’s got it caged up or anything and also why would the card’s effect be all about friendship and why would they define him as The Rotom Guy and why would they even bother to give a trading card to charon if charon is a pointless character who never did anything important and had no actual relevance to this rotom wifi event except apparantly stealing a bunch of diaries from some other guy who was really responsible for it all. and why would they bother to point out that someone signed the diary if it wasnt the guy who wrote the diary, and also we are not going to sign the diary by the guy who actually wrote it. like if it was meant to be cyrus whey didnt they make it clearer?? nobody could be expected to have figured that out!also why does charon have a second rotom room in silph co in HGSS which timeline wise means he would have had it before DPPT and he’s talking about finding a rotom by chance before he ever found this diary that doesnt really belong to him. like why would he build an entire lab of form machines if he didnt own a rotom yet? how would he know enough to make them actually work for rotom if he never owned a rotom yet?why did nintendo decide to do all this if i wasnt supposed to reach the conclusion that charon had ANYTHING to do with rotom???why didnt they make it fucking clearer. why couldnt i have been saved years of clinging to this stupid ass headcanon and basing a lot of my taste in stories on the whole concept of ‘wow that was so fucking cool how they took a one dimensional looking villain and then turned it on our head with a cool reveal and made me super eager to see future stories with him’ and hey we’re not ever gonna get those and also everyone else was right and i should just give up and agree that ugly looking granddads will always be eviland why the fuck did i somehow link my self worth to such a random ass headcanon for a random ass character like seriously could someone have properly explained cyrus’s plot to me as a kid so i could have had him stop me from committing suicide instead. like seriously if they’d just made cyrus’s grandpa less hard to find and explained the plot more clearly and explained that he was the rotom kid AAAAAAAAARGHand i really didnt fucking need this, usum, right after also people started telling me that lusamine is ~really good~ and her whole child abuse plot is gone now like ha ha ha ha fucking ha lets crush bunni on two damn levelsand what is my fucking luck that this happened to happen right on the same day when i got some stupid ass anon hate and also had a horrible nightmare about my abusive fatherlike seriously dude who sent me this ask im really sorry ive had such an incoherant babbling reply to it, its just been a really bad day for me and like.. im not freaking out because of this minor headcanon being proven wrong, its just like i was already freaking out and having some random irrelevant headcanon bullshit happen right now is REALLY bad timing to push me off the edgehopefully i can calm down and come back and give a more coherant response of like.. why i headcanoned the different thing and why I’m sad its not true, even though i’m happy for you that your personal headcanon did become true instead.but like it sucks to be told ‘nope you’re not allowed to have your favourite character, his one and only personality trait was just a misconception you had’ during such a really bad timing of such an already bad daynintendo could u give us like a sassy science villain gramps who DOES have a redemption plot? or at least a plot that isnt ‘exists to be worse than the main villain’? like seriously why did it happen twice. i was happy at original sun and moon cos it felt like faba as charon but better written but then NOOOOPEjust...god...what.what sort of fuckface up in heaven decided to throw all the bad shit at me today and not at least spread it out across the rest of the week?

#also just a heads up to not play a game called Far From Noise #cos that also contributed heavily to me having this giant breakdown right now #its like two hours of chilled out philosophical discussion about someone who's stuck in a car thats hanging over a cliff #and then the conclusion is that they find a reason to want to live again #AND THEN THE CAR FALLS OFF THE CLIFF #AND THATS JUST THE END #i really hope there's multiple endings or something cos that one made me want to fucking kill myself thanks #what the fuck is fucking wrong with whoever wrote that #A Nonny Mouse #ask

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