#im just so exhausted

[currently-getting-a-diagnosis]

Have I stated how much I hate the whole "Strong Black Woman" archetype and how much it's hurt me as a disabled person? I could go on for hours about how much this has such a detrimental effect on disabled black people. (And honestly just any in general who doesn't fit inside the mold.) But honestly, I'm just too tired of being forced into a role that I can't fill. It's taxing for me both physically and mentally. I wish more people would just understand that I can't do it.

#im exhausted #im just so exhausted #a vent? #not really because im just mad #im sure many of you can relate #ok to reblog #ok to rb #jay's tism thoughts #autizzy #autistic black people #black neurodivergent #black mental health #black women #black people #black and autistic #black autistic #autistic black girl #actually autistic #autism #autistic problems #being autistic #autism things #autistic feels #autistic culture

[letteriwillneversend]

when i die, i will become a sunset.

i know some people say their loved ones live on in sunrises, those early morning miracles that start your day with grace. but that will not be me. i will paint a sunset - hushed and streaky and moody. it will be soft and complex at the same time. it will somehow be more beautiful than you expect it to be but also not as good as what you imagine. it will welcome my loved ones home at the end of their days, or watch for them as night takes the place of day. no matter where they are: on a rooftop, in their car, sitting in an office in some high rise, or at home in a kitchen with a small window - i will come in to take a peek. when they are tired and weary, the tendrils of my fading sunset will reach out like a soft hand on your shoulder, soft strokes with no aim other than to sooth.

and eventually the deep blues will begin to bleed in. the stars will begin to make themselves apparent, first in small numbers, and then all at once. my sunset will stay just long enough to see them, to greet them, before i must go. before i leave, i will kiss my loved ones on the forehead. i will smile at them like i cannot bring myself to say goodbye, because i can’t. i was strong enough to love but not enough to stay, and that is something i will be be too cowardly to confess in any lifetime. so i will leave it unsaid.

i will leave them with the knowledge that at the end of everyday, short or long, good or bad, memorable or mundane…

there will be a sunset.

#prose #poetry #tw: depression #i'm just so tired #love #loved ones #sunsets #i will be a sunset #when i die #tw sui ideation #tw sui implied #im just so exhausted #my thoughts #my writing #letters i will never send #inkskinned

[slutcore-starships]

.

#im sorry for not being able to keep up with everyone #my energy and sleep have just been absolute shit #and im honestly having trouble keeping up with three meals and hygeine #and i hate it #i barely have the energy for any creative prospects or personal challenges #all i have the energy to do is passively consume #which doesnt help with my attention span #im just so exhausted #every muscle is so tight

[recallback-art]

Day 26: Fear! Back to regular prompts, the last leg of the challenge. I agonized a lot over what to do, but I think this was fun, I've been wanting to work with negative space in more pieces.

Arion is easily the most fearful of all the guys. But you would be too when your enemies can hide almost anywhere. Watching, waiting.

#oc tober #inktober #bweirdoctober #original character #recall draws #laid out in lavender #arion karst #my ocs #rlly struggling these last few days bc ive been hit hard by just constant fatigue #i hope i manage to keep going until the end #im just so exhausted #been a sec since ive had a depressive episode ig hope it stops soon

[lumberjackloverboy-moved]

there should ve someone or something protecting both you and the kids. you deserve to live just as much as the children do

Ngl that sounds far too much like a cop or armed guard for my liking. I don’t need a cop on campus, I need the nra disbanded and legislators to give a shit about teachers and students

#sorry this is curt #im just so exhausted #negative #school shooting tw #child death tw #police tw

[chaos-coming]

My toxic trait is wanting to be invited to parties but never having the energy to actually go to them once invited

#in my defense i have social anxiety #and keep showing up at the wrong time bc people here party too early #so im just not gonna go #besides im moving countries next month and didnt like my uni here so im not super desperate to make friends here anymore #plus i took my last exam today and im tired af #i think im gonna bail on the party tonight as well #tho its probably going to be a good one #im just so exhausted

[coffee-surprises-and-early-rises]

.

#muffin mumbles #im just so exhausted #so fucking tired of hurting #i threw my back out somehow #and i just want to go to sleep #the meds keeo fucking with me #god damn i hate everything #thank you for the rant #good night

[i-may-be-an-emu]

Im so tired

#Literally mentally tho #And emotionally #Just so drained #Idk if this is an adhd thing or an autism thing or a depression thing #Or just a me thing #And it could be related to a jaw condition i very l Iikely have (tmj) #But im just so tired #Its probably a combination #Idk #But I just #Cant #Like why tho #Im just so exhausted #But yeah that's fun #And part of this exhaustion is the fun side affect if having no filter and saying dumb stuff #Yay ig

[amlovelies]

Let's see if I can make it through work today without giving into the breakdown over the fact my mom is dying that ive been holding back the last three weeks

#my mom is a horrible person and we havent spoken in yeara #so i dont know how to feel #i dont know what to do #and what/who this grief is really for #and wondering if im a bad person #and god i just feel so overwhelmed #i knew there wasnt much time left #but now its in her liver and bones #and its actually really counting down #and i dont know what to do #i wish i could just stay in bed #but i have to go to work and smile and preen #im just so exhausted #ignore me #sky speaks #family stuff #death mention

[notyourcatholicgoodgirl]

Not sure if this is the religious trauma or what. But ugh sometimes I don't want to feel anything. Ya know like just do whatever I want because I want to do it! Not have that thought in the back of my head like you can't wear that it shows too much skin or you can't do that because you'll be seen as a horrible person. Who fucking cares?!? As long as I am not hurting myself or others does it matter?? Like I can be a good person even though I don't go to church!

#religious trauma #get out of my head #strict catholic family #i just want to okay #im just so exhausted

[lilake]

words cannot express how much I hate being a woman in stem

#crying in a bus rn #how is it everyone wants to prove us incompetent #anything i do well is dismissed and treated as a coincidence #anything i do wrong is another proof why women shouldnt be in tech #it's always 'i have bigger ambitions than you' #'let me explain' even though i already know that #im so sick of people treating me like im stupid #im not fucking stupid #i hate it here #i have always ALWAYS since like fourth grade or something wanted to be a scientist #and now i dont anymore #but the problem is even if i go in the it like im planning #im still gonna be a woman in a male dominated field #im just so exhausted

[obeysword]

Feeling incredibly drained today. I feel like I constantly need to be reminded of things I should do or wound up like one of those toys with a key in the back in order to move. 

#▼ OOC △ #im just so exhausted #like more than usual

[kosukenitoh]

so many things have happened lately and i think i need to be held

#im just so exhausted #need f/os to hold

[thegravityqueen]

Haven't been sleeping well and my phone keeps being all! Hey! Remember when you took this photo of Jackpot a year ago!

Safe to say I have. Bad brain time.

#im just so exhausted #and the fact my parents dog is turning 15 and is just. #i just want something good to happen to me for once

[caffeine-integral-studies]

I thought “senioritis” for my bachelor’s degree was bad. But let me tell you - the “senioritis” for a post-baccalaureate is way worse! Especially when you’ve already secured a job in your field for after you graduate. 👩🏼‍🏫😩 Any tips to survive these next two months, and get my thesis done? 😭

#grad student #stemstudying #teacher life #studyblr #math teacher #student teacher #teacher credential #im just so exhausted

[carbo-nara]

Remember a few years ago when I could feel so passionately

When I thought I'd lost a friend and I was devastated, shaken even after I knew I hadn't

Now, it seems losing people is all I do, and I don't even have the energy to be upset anymore. I've grown so desensitized, and I'm so fucking tired, I barely feel at all anymore.

Would I care if I lost these people?

I don't know. I want to think I would. But I don't know anymore at this point.

I know what we had back then wasn't healthy. I was scared to lose the only people who ever cared for me. And now I've had a few, I've lost a few, I'm used to it. I know that's normal.

But god, I miss the feeling of connection, I miss caring.

Im glad the rest of you are better too, and have moved on, but god, why does it have to hurt so bad.

#nara vent #im just so exhausted #i dont know where i went wrong #i dunno anymore