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#immediate murder professionals
selineram3421 · 21 days
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Petit Lapin Blanc
Part 5
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Part 4
Alastor and Human Child Reader
Warnings ⚠
⚠ platonic, (gn) gender neutral reader, N/n = Nickname, Italics=thoughts, I.M.P, the mention of murder, commercial jingle ⚠
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You turned by spinning the stool to see a blonde woman with a red-pink suit at the counter where the bell was.
"Oh, good. I have everyone's attention now.", she said with a smile and walked over to you.
Feeling unsure, you reached for Alastor's hand to hold and the man in red let you, giving you a pat on the head with his other hand. The woman bent her knees a bit as she stood in front of you, wanting to be at your eye level.
"Hey little one..", she made her smile look softer. "How did you get here? It's a bit far from home."
You felt a little more unsure after she mentioned home.
"How do you know where home is?", you asked with a slight glare, turning towards the red man a bit.
"Well my dad knows but I've heard stories about it!", she says.
You squint your eyes at her.
"Suspicious..", you mumble.
"Ha!", Alastor laughs. "Charlie, dear. I think it's best that you introduce yourself first. Strangers are quite untrustworthy."
The blonde woman, Charlie, stands up and clears her throat with an embarrassed smile.
"You're right."
Vaggie stands next to the blonde and pats her shoulder.
"Don't worry, she owns the hotel and just wanted to meet you.", the white haired woman smiled. "This is Charlie."
Charlie gave you a small wave. "Hi."
After taking in what you could learn from her appearance, you deemed her safe enough. She didn't wear a fake smile, she stepped back when seeing you uncomfortable, and well..now she was waiting for you to respond.
She wanted your trust.
"Hi.", you waved back.
"Can we know your name?", Charlie asked.
"No.", you said firmly.
Her smile dropped and she looked worried.
"Ah yes. N/n here thinks we are fae, they will not give their name.", his smile widens. "What a smart child."
"Oooh, yeah that is smart. You don't know how many deee-I mean people! Uh, how many people have been tricked by giving their name.", Charlie corrects herself.
"Nice catch.", Husk grumbled, still shuffling the cards.
You almost forgot he was there since he was so quiet.
"So I was right!", you cheered and stood up on the stool. "You guys are like fae!"
"Not quite little one.", Alastor had you sit down on the stool again. "I promised to tell you later, remember?"
"Why is later taking so long?", you pouted and crossed your arms.
"Would you like tomorrow?", he asked with a raised brow.
"No!", you stood up on the stool again and faced the red man with a determined glare.
"And why not?", he questioned, picking you up and shifted until you were comfortable in his hold.
"Because then it'll never happen.", you explained with a sad, quiet tone.
Whenever grown-ups would say tomorrow, it never happened. You hated tomorrow. You lived by the day whenever it came.
Tomorrow was never promised.
"I hate tomorrow."
.
Alastor found your distrust toward the Princess hilarious.
"Charlie, dear. I think it's best that you introduce yourself first. Strangers are quite untrustworthy.", he spoke up.
The little one finally greeted Charlie after she took a step back from the child.
Then the Princess asked for their name and the human quickly said no. Poor Charlie looked distraught and wondered what she had done wrong, so he decided to help clue the young lady in on why you wouldn't give your name.
"Ah yes. N/n here thinks we are fae, they will not give their name.", his smile widened. "What a smart child.", he complimented.
The Princess almost lets it slip that they are demons but manages to save herself from saying the word demons.
"So I was right!", they cheered and stood up on the stool. "You guys are like fae!"
"Not quite little one.", Alastor had them sit down on the stool again so they wouldn't fall. "I promised to tell you later, remember?"
They pouted and whined that it was taking too long.
"Would you like tomorrow?", he asked with a raised brow.
"No!", they stood up on the stool again and faced him with a determined glare.
Curious.. He thought. "And why not?", he questioned, picking them up and shifted until they were comfortable in his hold.
Charlie's eyes widened at his action but he paid no mind and focused on the human child.
"Because then it'll never happen.", they explained.
Where did they learn such a thing? Hmm.. They must have been disappointed repeatedly.
"I hate tomorrow.", the little human glared with such hatred for that one word.
"Very well, later it is.", he said with a nod. "How's after dinner? I'm sure you're hungry after all that walking."
"Um, actually Alastor. I don't think-", Charlie started.
"Is it safe for me to eat? Fae food isn't safe.", they said. "If you are like fae, then it's not ok for me to eat."
"They are right.", the Princess agreed. "We'd have to get food outside of uh..this realm in order for them to eat."
Clever little thing.
"Alright then, let's get your human food and we'll have dinner!", he declared and placed them back on the stool, making sure they sat down. "Now, you must stay seated on this type of seat, especially since it spins. You can hurt yourself if you're not careful. So, no more standing on it."
"Oh, ok.", they nodded.
"Husker!", he then turned to face the cat demon behind the bar counter. "Continue to entertain them. I must find them something suitable to eat."
"Fine.", the feline responded and glanced at the child. "Hey kid, wanna learn how to bite quarters?"
"You can bite quarters?", the little one asked, spinning to face the cat, interested.
"Want to see me do it?", Husk said as he pulled out a coin and flipped it before catching it mid air.
"Yeah!"
Not having to worry about them running off, Alastor gestured for the girls to follow him and walked to a nearby office.
"Ok, what is going on? How did a human, a human child at that, get down here? They aren't even dead!", Charlie asked, whisper shouting at the last bit.
"Alastor said he doesn't know. He found them on the street, watching the tv's in front of the tech store.", Vaggie explained.
"I was just as surprised as you dear, but they don't remember themselves, A case of amnesia. It's quite the mystery.", he said, holding his hands behind his back and tapped his finger on his palm. "However, we don't have the time to solve it, our biggest problem is getting them food from Earth. As far as I know, there is no way to get up there."
"Because you don't watch t.v.", Vaggie rolled her eyes and got the television remote.
He rolled his eyes in response.
The white haired woman turned on the noisy chatter-box at the push of a button and switched it to a channel.
A commercial was on.
"Hi there! I'm Blitzø, the O is silent-", an imp introduced himself. "..and I'm the founder of I.M.P!"
He glared at the screen, not sure what he was supposed to gather from this commercial.
"Why are we watching this?", he asked.
"Just wait.", Vaggie sighed.
"Well, luckily for you! Thanks to our company's special access to the living world-", the imp said and managed to open a portal with a spell book. "..we can help you take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive!", he walked over to the portal and fell back into it.
Then a music bit for the company started.
Interesting..
"Kids die for free~!"
The commercial ended but then started up again.
Vaggie turned off the television. "That's been on for the last two hours.", she mumbled.
"Oh my gosh..", Charlie covered her mouth in horror.
"Ah, I see now! We can hire that lot to get food.", he said.
"We can hire that lot to send them back! Este idiota-", Vaggie hissed out and then started spewing out some Spanish.
Send them back? He thought. That was the plan, wasn't it..
"Let's make sure they eat first and then we can send them back, yeah?", Charlie placed a hand on her partner's shoulder. "I'm not sure how they got down here but they must be pretty tired."
"Yes, Charlie is right. For now the food will do and then we'll take care of them going home tomorrow.", he said before stepping out of the office.
He walked back to the lobby and spotted the little human holding a fan of cards, playing 'Go-fish' with Husk.
"Mind if I join in?", the deer demon sat on the stool next to their's.
"I beat Husk!", they declared and handed him some cards.
"Oh really?", he said and looked at the cards in his hand.
"I think they're cheatin'.", Husk grinned, pretending to whisper.
"Nu-uh! Am not!", the little one frowned with their cheeks puffed out in anger at the accusation.
"Hmm.. I don't know. I always win at card games..", Husk said, looking at them from the corner of his eye.
"Maybe I'm just better!", they said and asked if anyone had twos.
"Go fish.", Alastor smiled.
Yes, tomorrow they would go home.
He picked up a card from the pile after asking for sevens, receiving the response 'go fish'.
But tomorrow is never promised..
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Hi. Thanks for waiting and here you go.
~Seline, the person.
Part 6
Taglist@
@c4rved-pumpk1n @scary-noodlesblog @stolas-thebirb @naelys-the-aster @biromanticboba @lbcreations-blog @ducky-died-inside @kiraisastay @pooplyface1423 @line-viper @117s-girl @spiderlegsling @alastorsgoldie @repentant-repeller @kcsketches @lofasofabread @kotaleee @im-coolrat @superzombiewho @speckle-meow-meow @jammcookie @dilucragnvindr-my-beloved @trashbin-nie @koioli @fatherlesschild2 @mmik3yy @just-here-reading @nealeart @hudiexiaoying @crystal-multiplefandomlover @glowinggoldfish0 @tiredgamerhere @fluffy-koalala @valenfawkes @willowshadenox @aria-tempest @alastor-simp @nonetheartist @gallantys @i-3at-kidz @luxky-aish @ceafighter @xalygatorx @xangel-8 @+?
♥The rest of the taglist is in the comments♠
ML I Alastor🎙| 🐇ChL
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buggosocool · 1 month
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DOODLE DUMP‼️
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Blitzø: No Problem. I have a couple knives up my sleeves. Asmodeus: Don't you mean ‘tricks?’ Fizzarolli: No, he means knives.
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enragedpigeon · 6 months
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i just binged helluva boss four times in a row
for hell’s sake, blitz TALK TO A THERAPIST A BETTER THERAPIST
and stolas please, please, you beautiful fruit bowl, TELL HIM HOW YOU REALLY FEEL
stolitz 100%
IMP jingle goes h a r d —
i am so glad I finally jumped on this bandwagon, but hey, better late than never 🤷🏽
also hehe loona pretty 🏳️‍🌈
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belle-pepper-23 · 10 months
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i said what i fuckin' said mustang dong is A tier
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murphyoftheendless · 1 month
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yobro989 · 28 days
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Favorite I.M.P Member
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This Is My I.M.P Group
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fizziepopangel · 1 year
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"I'm Blitz, the 'o' is silent."
(Blitz⌀ headcanons I feel are valid)
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Blitz sleeps with a stuffed Spirit because that’s his favorite horse movie
Growing up in the circus, he never needed to really learn how to read or write so Blitz didn’t really know how to read or write properly until he was an adult, I think just before the show picks up. 
His father beat him frequently when he was young and very rarely gave him praise for anything, as a result he thought that was how he was supposed to be treated and had a string of abusive partners in his younger years.
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He’s not responsible for the accident that is believed to be the cause of his falling out with Fizz, he was blamed for it so much after the fact that he has conditioned himself to feel guilty about it.
Blitz makes Loona horse shaped pancakes every saturday morning and has since he adopted her
After the adoption was finalized, Blitz’s sinstagram page was almost entirely pictures of Loona doing the most mundane things.
He’s obsessed with M&M’s relationship because he was the one who set them up together when Millie was hired on and he can’t help but marvel at how they’ve grown as a couple.
In the episode “Truth Seekers”, Blitz was more concerned about the safety of his team than himself, so much so that he tried to convince the agents to keep him there and let Moxxie go while he was unconscious.
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Despite denying it, he loves cuddling with Stolas and he sleeps the best when they’re together.
He’s tried to kill Stella twice after learning about some of the abuse she put her husband through.
While he offered Striker a job, he would’ve fired him soon after seeing how miserable having him around made Moxxie
Like Loona and Stolas, Blitz has a human form but refuses to use it because he doesn’t like that his scars translate into his human form and he hasn’t found a way to hide them
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His favorite food is pizza
He often calls I.M.P. a family owned and operated business
He occasionally falls asleep in the fetal position with the end of his tail in his mouth. His mother took countless pictures of him and his sister in that same position as babies. 
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myofrog · 24 days
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we are back
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stone-cold-stolas · 7 months
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@immediatexmurderxprofessionals (Blitz)
Continued from here
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"Hm? Oh-- right of course!"
The owl chuckles softly in his amusement. He has his hands folded back behind him bending forward in a bow as he lowers himself to be level with the imp before him.
"My apologies." He teeters hooting along in his amusement, "All right Blitzy~ I'm ready for my prize now~"
He hums.
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milothsillygoober · 26 days
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Blitzø: So I thought about what you said, Moxx. I’ve started looking into current affairs Moxxie: That's great, Sir- Blitzø: *pulls out a list* Here’s a list of everyone on this side of the the Pride Ring that’s currently having an affair.
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ftwkcomic · 5 months
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Moxxie and Millie #1 2023
Never Mess with M&M, they are an unstoppable duo in hell. Hope you guys enjoy. c: Portfolio: https://ftwkcomicbooks.myportfolio.com
Socials and comms info https://ftwkcomic.carrd.co/
Posted using PostyBirb
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autisticsupervillain · 5 months
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FTF: Crossover Competition
The show where we take two characters from different franchises and make them compete in something that ISN'T a fight to the death.
This Week's Competitors...
Agent 47 vs IMP!
Competition:
Agent 47 is tasked with assassinating all of the targets IMP is sent to the human world to deal with during Season 1 of Helluva Boss, while IMP is tasked with assassinating all of the story mission targets in Hitman 2016. Which side succeeds in fulfilling all their contracts?
Conditions:
Stats Equalized. Agent 47 is at the level of IMP, while IMP is at the level of 47, to keep any stat differences between universes negating the challenge.
Both characters are given the same mission briefing for each target that the other was canonically provided with, just from canonically appropriate sources (IMP getting the briefing from whatever sinner hired them while 47 gets his briefing from Diana, but the intel granted is the same)
Neither are allowed outside help (while IMP will still have Stolas's book to allow them to persue the contracts in the first place, Stolas himself cannot keep watch or bail them out. Similarly, 47 will not be supplied weapons by his ICA or black market contacts and will only be allowed the weapons it is shown he owns and keeps at home in Freelancer)
Agent 47 does not have any feats granted to him by easter eggs.
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