#in case anyone wants to avoid that right now for obvious reasons

[swordfright]

Tell me about how the structure of the medium impacts the story 🔫

My brother in Christ, prepare yourself for the most boring essay you could possibly imagine. I'm going to over-simplify a few things here for the sake of Getting To The Point, so bear with me.

I think a good starting place is that DSMP is an example of New Media. The go-to definition most folks use is this one: that New Media are stories told via "communication technologies that enable or enhance interaction between users as well as interaction between users and content." In other words, NM is basically this category of stories made up of convergent elements, which satisfy a multimedia requirement, and are heavily reliant on both participatory fan culture and recent advances in technology that allow creators/audiences to communicate with one another instantly.

There's a couple ways you can understand DSMP as a New Media, but as far as I'm concerned, one of the most interesting is prosumption. The term "prosumption" describes a creative situation where a piece of art is being produced (at least in part) by the same people that consume it; they're both audience and creator. DSMP is a really great example of this phenomenon, because A) it's serial and therefore the CCs had ample opportunity to respond to and engage with the audience's reception of their story; and B) because the chat feature allows CCs to interact directly with their audience during roleplay rather than after the fact. These features, among others, kinda set the stage for DSMP to function as a highly prosumptive piece of media.

In particular, the stuff that interests me is the stuff to do with storytelling convention (genre, perspective, etc) and how prosumption turns all that on its head. There are a number of altercations in DSMP canon where the course of the story is altered because of real-time interactions between the CCs and their chat - particularly times when a CC's chat warns them about events happening at the same time elsewhere in the server. In this kind of scenario, the CCs are static, they can't really leave their own stream. Their viewers, on the other hand, are able to jump between streams and talk to each other to figure out what's happening in the overarching story. When this happens, viewers have choices to make: are they going to tell a CC what's going down on the other side of the server? If so, how are viewers going to communicate those events? Viewers are biased, they directly inform CCs, and the information they divulge (as well as how they divulge that info) goes on to influence CCs' actions and thus the events of the story, to some degree. In my opinion, this is a pretty new and exciting way to prosumptively construct a narrative! Media has always been interactive to some extent (especially serial works), but the interaction being live and in real-time is pretty significant in my view because it can exert unique pressures on a narrative.

Speaking of audience choice, that brings me to the next thing I want to yap about: ergodic storytelling, a term that refers to stories “negotiated by processes of choice, discernment, and decision-making.” For reference, a good non-MCYT example of this would be hypertext fiction, because it's generally characterized by the ability of the interactant (that's the reader, in this hypothetical example) to explore material provided by someone else, either as a kind of conceptual landscape (think setting in a video game), or as puzzle pieces that must be put together in order to give the interaction the "big picture" of the story. Basically, with hypertext fiction, there is a core text (the main document that forms the skeleton of the story) and there are multiple hypertexts branching off of the core text - and whether the reader ends up reading those branches, and in what order, inevitably shapes that reader's perception of the whole story.

So here's where it gets tricky. In the case of DSMP, where is the core text located? Is there any one identifiable core text at all? Or is it more appropriate to consider each individual stream or VOD as its own singular core text, with the related Twitch channels and Youtube recommended in the sidebar being "branches"? Alternatively, if the streams and recordings distributed on the server members’ official channels are the central text in the grand hypertext fiction that is DSMP, then can adjacent spaces where audiences do the work of creating and archiving lore be considered their own story branches? I don't have answers to these questions. No one does. That's part of what makes DSMP exciting.

To translate the above quote out of Academia Hellspeak: in an ergodic story, the audience has agency, but the agency enabled and allowed by the text varies in its intensity and mode. Yes, stories told ergodically necessitate choice — and therefore enable agency, turning the reader or viewer into interactant — but that element of choice doesn't always look the same. Some hypertexts are more choice-reliant than others, or are choice-reliant in different ways. So, rather than being a choose-your-own-adventure story, DSMP is more closely analogous to a story where the audience chooses the perspective through which they view plot developments, in addition to having some influence over how plot developments unfold.

(☝️From a 2021 Polygon article, if you think I sound crazy☝️)

The web of choices DSMP presents to viewers is very complex, even compared to other forms of choose-your-own-adventure game. Because each CC approaches the task of story-creation from their own angle (bringing their own narrative baggage to the writers’ room, so to speak), those shifts in perspective this Polygon article describes often also constitute shifts in genre. For instance, cc!Wilbur brought his music production experience and interest in musical theater to the server, cited operas and stage musicals as some of his main inspirations; and accordingly, much of c!Wilbur's most crucial arcs observably draw from those sources. When you watch a c!Wilbur stream, you’re watching a story about statecraft, about revolution, about the triumphs and tragedies of ego that play out during the process of nation-building. On the other hand, cc!Quackity has repeatedly identified Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul as his primary influences; accordingly, his RP character’s story is closer to a piece of gritty prestige television in some places (especially LN series). Unlike with c!Wilbur, a lot of c!Quackity's tension does not revolve around a romanticized fantasy of revolution but around more personal conflicts: securing your place in a new regime, navigating exploitation as both exploited and exploiter, etc. In terms of both plot beats and character arcs, Wilbur and Quackity’s respective storylines embody many of the genre conventions the content creators are working within.

Moreover, a shift in genre often entails a shift in style or mode. Because cc!Wilbur was heavily inspired by musical theater, the presentation style of his character’s storyline is correspondingly both theatrical (i.e. only loosely scripted, nearly always televised live, and improv-heavy) and musical (featuring multiple instances of Wilbur singing in-character ballads and anthems.) On the flipside, Quackity’s streams (especially the later ones, since I'm mostly focusing on Las Nevadas era here) demonstrably mimic the prestige TV shows the CC draws his inspiration from, with lore sessions being pre-recorded rather than televised live, featuring distinctive sonic and visual aesthetics popularized by neo-Western thriller dramas. So, where a piece of media like DSMP is concerned, shifts in perspective entail shifts in genre, which in turn entail pronounced shifts in style. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say it's an entirely new story depending on which character the viewer decides to follow. In that regard, what initially appears to be a single choice (whose perspective to watch a plot event through) has the power to determine a wide array of other elements, as viewers’ responses to the options presented to them will decide the overall tone of the section of the story they're about to watch.

While I think the genre-switching is genuinely super cool, lately I'm a lot more interested in perspective-switching and how it's related to viewer empathy. One side-effect of DSMP being televised live is that yes, you can watch a plot event from 30+ different POVs, but you can't watch every POV live. Typically, you either have to switch between multiple streams, or you need to pick one streamer to watch live and maybe later you'll watch other characters' POVs as you see fit. This has an impact on your perception of how that plot point went down because watching something live feels very different from watching something after-the-fact. I haven't done study on this, so what I'm about to say is mostly conjecture, but I wouldn't be surprised if viewers felt greater empathy for (and greater degrees of kinship with) characters whose POVs they watched live.

The choice of which character to follow also has observable impacts on other kinds of narrative conventions (who is the main character of DSMP? the boring answer is c!Dream because the server's named after him, but the real answer is the protagonist is whoever's POV you watched most of the major plot events through) but to be honest, those questions don't interest me as much.

So, going back to perspective and empathy. I think viewers' reactions to Exile are a really solid way of exemplifying the thing I'm trying to say, so this is the part of the yapping where we gotta bring up the dreaded Exile discourse.

Even though the Exile VODs are available and new viewers can go back and watch them, those viewers experience the Exile arc in a way that is fundamentally different from the experience had by viewers who had to wait in between updates as the videos were being streamed serially in real-time. I would argue that viewers who were “present” during the whole arc noticeably felt the brutality of c!Tommy’s treatment to a greater degree, because the audience was effectively forced to sit in exile alongside Tommy’s character - stewing in anxiety, looking forward to the possibility of appearances from other characters, and living in fear of Dream’s next visit, etc etc. Obviously you could also make this point using c!Dream's time in Pandora as an example, but I'm using Exile here because I've actually seen a lot of fans bring this up when discussing the arc: "people who didn't watch live Don't Get It," "the reason newer fans don't see Exile as scary is because they didn't have to watch it live," that sort of thing. And while I have certain qualms with some of the implications here, I do think these are really fascinating responses! These sorts of responses show that viewers consciously perceive their viewing experience as having been fundamentally different from others' based on a temporal element that's unique to serial fiction!

This instance of a divergence in collective fan experience is an example of choice being rendered unavailable to viewers by virtue of the story’s structure and means of distribution; audience members who happen to accidentally miss streams or who begin following the story after major events have occurred will never be able to engage with and witness those events as LIVE viewers, merely as retrospective ones. They don’t get to make that choice, but they do get to make choices about which perspective (and therefore genre) they get to experience the story through. So it follows that each aspect of DSMP, a semi-ergodic story, can be categorized as either ergodic or non-ergodic, and whether a particular storytelling element is ergodic can change depending on WHEN the viewer began tuning in to the story.

I have a lot more shit to say (shocker) but I'm gonna cap it here for now. Though I do want to add that this is kinda why I have a lot of patience for the crazy diversity of interpretation you tend to get in DSMP fandom. If you took a random sample of fans and asked them what they think of various arcs, characters, and plot events, chances are they would all have fairly different things to say. To me, that's a feature, not a bug. Obviously I have my own opinions, and obviously I do think it's possible for a given interpretation to be "bad," i.e. not grounded in the text - but I have a lot more patience for it here, in a fandom where agreeing on what "the text" EVEN IS presents a challenge. We can't all agree on who the main character is, so I don't ever expect us to agree on more nuanced questions of theme and conflict resolution in the narrative. Again, that's a feature, not a bug. I don't think it was ever possible to reach a consensus with a piece of media like DSMP because of how inextricable the audience is from the story.

#dream smp #tw cc!Wilbur mention #in case anyone wants to avoid that right now for obvious reasons #sorry for yapping for so long but I did warn you #also sorry for letting this sit in my inbox for ages #I got so busy and it was hard finding a spare moment to sit down and collect my thoughts #dsmp exile arc #asks #long post

[buckttommy]

i don't think i really understand pr and what actors should and shouldn't say. why is what oliver's saying so wild?

Hi, it's okay. I'll walk you through it. The tl;dr version is written in bold.

So. PR, or, Public Relations, is the dynamic between the general public (us) and any entity that has interests to protect (in this case, that would be the network + 911). PR teams are designed to ensure the relationship between the public and [their entity] is as harmonious as possible. Happy relationship, happy consumer, happy company.

Because keeping the peace is the intention of good pr, pleasant ambiguity is the name of the game. People can speculate, and people can guess, but no one should ever be able to look back at your words and claim that you've given a definitive answer on anything—good or bad—because definitive statements can harm the entity's bottom line, whatever that may be.

Oliver is very good at keeping the peace between the network and the public. We know this because we have seen evidence supporting this fact for years. He always says a little bit of what everyone wants to hear—he'll keep things vague (plausible deniability) for the sake of the network, while also giving nods of support and encouragement to the fandom without promising anything. You know how he's talked about being cautious and aware of what he's saying in interviews because he knows the impact it could have? Okay, well, aside from wanting to avoid "queerbaiting" allegations, this is part of the reason. PR is a very delicate game and he plays it very well.

Or at least he did.

Right now, Oliver is using binoculars to identify the line, making sure the line is exactly where he left it, and then taking a giant wrecking ball to it. Because now, Oliver is saying things that should absolutely not be said in interviews, or to anyone in the general public, at all. Now, he's elevating the conversation from pure speculation, to actively confirming and placing the blame at people's feet for things that have gone on behind the scenes.

Saying that Buck's Queer storyline was floated years ago? Huge no-no. Why? You were on tumblr yesterday. You can see why. People were angry, and people were hurt, but most importantly, people started to ask questions. We started to look at past arcs, past moments in Buck and in Buck and Eddie's relationship (because, whether you like it or not, Buck's queerness is and always has been tangentially linked to the existence of Buddie) to try and pinpoint when/how his queer arc could have launched. Now. Most of us have been here for years, so we can easily look back at the show and see where it's pretty damn obvious how Buck's Queer arc could have launched, depending on the arc(s), the characters at the time, things that were going on outside of the show (re: Oliver liking Buddie edits before/after the shooting), etc.

But we're not the only ones who are reading these interviews. Other people—casual fans, new fans, people who don't give a damn at all and are just clicking around on the internet—are going to look at these interviews, they're going to look at the things Oliver is saying, and they're going to have the same questions that we had. When could this have happened? And, more importantly, why didn't it? To keep it simple: everyone is going to start looking a little closer at the man behind the curtain, and the network does not want that.

Now, sure, it could be argued that, "hey, 911 isn't with FOX anymore, so maybe Oliver is allowed to say these things." But that's not really how it works. Sure, he might have a bit more leeway (as in, a microscopic, so-small-it-might-as-well-be-insignificant amount of leeway) to say whatever it is he wants, but this isn't the first time a major transfer/acquisition has occurred, and there are safeguards in place (such as NDA's—Non-Disclosure Agreements—which often do not expire for years post-acquisition, depending on the entity they're protecting) to prevent him from harming FOX's bottom line. So, that reasoning rings hollow. Especially because, now, it's not just FOX he's pulling into the fray either.

In the article that dropped today, he openly acknowledges this thing between Buck and Eddie in Season 7. And at this point, we're well into ABC's era. So the fact that he's saying, "I went to Tim and asked if there's something I can play with when Eddie says he's going on a date"—that's odd behavior from him. Not necessarily bad, just odd. And after years of toeing the line, the question that has to be asked now is why? And, more importantly, why now?

Does this mean that Buddie is going canon? Not necessarily (and, before anyone freaks out, I'm not saying it's not going canon either; I'm just saying this isn't an indication). But The Buddie Problem, at least, in the way Oliver is addressing it, is something the Higher Ups would want to keep quiet for as long as possible, for whatever reason. Maybe because they intend to go forward with it. Maybe because they don't. But the fact that he's cracking the shades open and letting light through is deeply fascinating.

But, despite all this, it's important, also, to realize that, even with demolishing the good PR line he's always walked so carefully, Oliver still isn't promising us anything. He's still treading carefully regarding how we, Buddie shippers, will interpret his words. He's not claiming Buddie canon is a go and it'd be remiss to think that's the implication here when it's not. He's not that stupid, and he's not that cruel. But all of it is very curious.

So that's why a lot of us are looking at each other, and then looking at Oliver, wondering what the hell he's doing. Because he knows better, and we know he knows better. We know he's very good at playing this delicate game but right now, he's making moves that are... intriguing... to say the least. And it's not just him, even though he's the main culprit. 9-1-1's move to ABC—and this entire press junket since 7x4—has been rife with sensitive information being released to the public, starting with Lou's untrained self revealing that it was supposed to be Eddie and Tommy that were going to get together, and circling back around to... literally every single word Oliver has uttered in the past three weeks.

So. It's odd! As you can see. So I'm sitting back, and I'm waiting and seeing because something is happening behind the scenes, and I don't know what it is (and I don't even think it's bad!) but it is still very much happening. So.

#god this was so long and i'm so fucking late for work #jack answers mail #tv: 911 #oliver stark

[shuxiii]

Zealous jealous— Kang haerin x reader x Hanni (subtle)

Synopsis: you confessed what you’ve felt for her but it seemed like she didn’t feel the same? But that all changed when she saw you in another persons arms.

Requested: anon

You were pretty sure from the moment you caught a glimpse of her, she was going to be stuck in your mind for the rest of your nights.

It didn't help that she was only a room away—it didn't help that you were madly in love with your own member.

It just happened, love was unpredictable sometimes unimaginable. You wont know what hit you is the perfect metaphor you could explain what it felt.

She was just the right person you want to love, she fit exactly your hopeless romance daydreams.

She was nice, from her expression to her acts; she was an angel in disguise to you. Her smile was bright and warm, albeit clichéd. Her giggle was so contagious and endearing that you couldn't help but laugh along with her.

Love really does change people, whether for the better or for the worst.

You could say you and haerin were inseparable, you both were close since since debut. And that bond was the knot that led you to see her more than just a friend.

And no matter how close you two are, some people only adore from afar; you wanted that, but how can you admire from afar when she's only a foot away?

You sit just beside each other, even then sleep beside each other, eat together, watch together.

How exactly can you admire from afar if shes so near?

But even then, you tried to hide it anyway. You didnt have the courage to do so and even jeopardise such friendship, you never want to make things awkward for any of your members.

Yet, a heart get what it wants.

It was a little loud in the dorm, everyone gathered in a circle playing a game of truth or dare.

“C’mon Unnie! This isnt fair, that dare is way too mean!” Hyein complained.

“A dare is a dare hye, you must do it!” minji laughed loudly, clutching her stomach.

Hyein whined in annoyance, shooting glares at Minji. Because She was dared to eat a stick of celery.

As they kept arguing, the other two girls tried to stop the two from starting a brawl, while haerin just laughed at the scene that behold infront of her.

while she was distracted laughing you were taking a few glances at her, you cant help but hold back your smile not to make it too obvious.

Hanni had to tap my arms to gain my attention since I was too engrossed in my helpless daydream.

“Hey yn?” She says “you there”

I look back at everyone, as all their stares were now focus on me, making me embrassed.

“Yeah sorry, just a little distracted” I awkwardly laugh.

“Well then truth or dare!” Hyein, smirked “its your turn to pick now.”

I decided to pick truth, because i know how mischievous hyein is when it comes to these.

And as if she read my mind, she immediately said,

“Who do you like?”

I nervously scratched my nape, acting unconcerned, but my heart was pounding as I felt her stare.

“That’s a silly question, of course i dont like anyone,” i say.

“C’mon its so obvious,” She says “You like—“

“Okay, thats enough” Hanni laughs “Dont pressure yn like that, i want it to be my turn now!”

You mentally reminded yourself to give every bread hanni wants.

You give a light pat to the back on hanni, thanking her. She looks back at you smiling a little.

And despite after avoiding a close one, for some reason her gaze never left you, and that made you nervous you knew she liked to stare at people but this one felt different it felt like you were trap in by her eyes.

After playing a couple of more everyone has started to retreat back to their rooms, after hearing hyein yawn signalled that it was time for bed.

But you decided to stay in the living room to clean up the mess that were scattered.

You assumed everyone already went back to their rooms but that didnt seem to be the case, after everyone was gone you were left alone in the living room.

Thats until you heard faint footsteps from behind.

“Yn,” a familiar voice call out to you.

You look back to see the same eyes you’ve grown to love each day.

You felt yourself slightly blush, and you didnt know why.

“Oh, rin?” You say “why are you still here, shouldnt you be asleep?”

She didnt respond, she gazes back at you with an unreadable expression. And that made you anxious.

“Is there something wrong?” You ask again.

“Who do you like?”

You felt your body tense as it felt like a lump got stuck on your throat, you try to hide it.

“Haha, I dont like anyone” you try to play it off “seriously, dont believe hyein she just loves to mess around.”

She didnt seem to be convinced at your answer.

“Do you like hanni?” She ignores what you say.

“What no!” You tell her “like i said i dont like anyone.”

You despised lying, particularly to her. However, it seemed to be a better option than saying the truth.

“Why does Hanni know and i dont?” She continues “You guys seemed to have gotten closer—even closer than we are now.”

It was inevitable; you knew she'd figure it out eventually and the stalling would no longer work.

“It’s complicated, rin…”

“What is complicated about liking someone and telling me?” She says “do you not trust me enough?”

“Its not like that!” I stammer, “You wouldn’t want to know, trust me.”

I felt my heart take its pace, and the it wasnt the good type, it felt like it would drop any moment and theres nothing to catch it.

I could see her frown in the corner of my eyes as I avoided her gaze and focused on the polished floor.

“Why wont I want to know who you like, yn?” She says “You’re my best friend, of course I want to know everything about you.”

Of course that word “best friend” that’s all she ever sees me as a friend not a lover, not someone she wants to talk with about everything single detail of her life, not someone she greets in the morning, not someone she sees more than just a friend.

“Rin…” I mumble.

“I just dont get it, why wont I want to know?”

“It’s because, you’re the one I like,” i say with a shake in my voice, still avoiding her gaze.

And for once, the silence between us was different; it wasn't comfortable, it didn't seem like the silence we'd share whenever we were together—it felt deafening, yet too quiet for you, you wanted her to say something but it seemed like all she could give you was nothing.

“Yn…” the sympathy in her voice, made me hate it more, she was too kind.

“Yn, look at me,” she says.

I didnt want to look at her becuase i knew the moment i did, the answer would be there—one gaze was enough to be the answer.

“Please…” she pleaded.

It felt impossible, but i did anyway. And just like that, her eyes revealed the answers, and it hurt—it wasn't the eyes of someone ready to love me, it was the eyes of someone ready to tell me the things I don't want to hear but are the only thing I'll get.

“I’m sorry.”

Two words. Two words was all it took.

It was the first two words, but the last. And everything altered radically from the way it was.

Every since that you tried to be more normal around her, but it was harder than you expected—it felt force for you, you couldnt forget about her properly, you decided to find a better distraction—a diversion away from her.

And Hanni has been there for you ever since; when she spotted you crying in your room, she was there. She was always there for you when you needed her.

you’ve grown more fonder with her and lost more familiarity with haerin, but that was for the best wasnt it?

It had been two weeks since you'd drifted apart from Haerin and further into the arms of Hanni's company; it's not that you weren't sad, but for the time being you kept a barrier between yourselves because you were frightened to be hopeful.

Haerin didn't seem bothered by it; she understood why you were avoiding her, but it would be a lie to say it didn't pain her any less.

You avoided her from seating beside each other, even standing just beside her—even hold a long conversation or have the ounce of courage to look her in the eye.

And that hurt her even more, but she tried to understand.

But her intuition were right, you’ve grown fonder with Hanni ever since the talk. It looked more like you guys were a couple than as friends, and she had this irritating feeling whenever she saw you guys.

Hanni would always cling to your arms, like someone would separate you from her. You used to do that with her, before.

Its like ever since you both stopped talking, Hanni became more closer, far too close for Haerin’s liking.

She didnt understand why she hated it.

And today was no exception; Hanni was clinging to you like glue. But this time the frustration feeling grew—the more she repressed everything she felt, the more clear it became.

She hated to admit it, but ever since she lost you, she began to love you.

The motto that goes, “you know its love when its too late”

Thats what Haerin felt at that moment. And it didnt help her case at all especially with hanni holding you within her arms—that should be her, she thought.

You were gathered in the living room, as usual, watching a horror movie, which Haerin knew you disliked, but Minji was eager to see the new conjuring movie. And knowing you, you never had the heart to say no.

And at this type of situation, Haerin was ready to hold you and give you solace but instead hanni took her spot and all she could do was stare as she puts her arms around you, smiling like an idiot. Haerin wasnt insulting Hanni at all, Hanni indeed looked like she was smiling a little too much.

She hated that.

She hated the fact that she was feeling what she shouldnt, she didnt deserve to feel this but in the end she does.

Did you move on already? Have you stopped looking at her like she makes the stars glow at night? Have you seen someone better than her?

The thoughts was enough to drive someone insane, and that made her more frustrated.

She didnt get it, she cant understand why she felt like this.

She looks at you, as you laid your head against Hanni’s shoulder, like you didnt do that with her before.

She wasnt mad, no. She was fiery of jealousy.

I mean who wouldnt? To see someone else doing the things you guys used to do.

Haerin was no longer interested in the movie since she was fixated on you. Her entire attention was completely on you.

And when the scary scenes came, her heart ached even more, as you reciprocated Hanni’s embrace.

She just couldnt take her eyes off you, she could remember each detail of your face like the back of her hands.

And before she knew it the movie ended and it was time to go to bed.

But she couldn’t sleep if it ended like this.

Everyone was already sound asleep, it was one in the morning.

You were awoken from thirst so you decided to get a cup of water in the kitchen.

With tired footsteps you carry the weight of your drowsiness to the sink.

As you leaned against the counter you lazily drank, letting your guard down.

And suddenly out of nowhere you felt arms wrap around you, someone was hugging you from the back.

You squeal, as you try to look back to see who it was but something stopped you from doing so.

“Yn,” a whisper, as you felt her lean her head against your back.

It was haerin.

“Rin?” You recoginized the voice right away, like a muscle memory.

You felt her relax, she missed hearing her name off your lips.

“hi,” she says.

“hello?” You reply “What are you doing?”

There was a silent pause, and it made you worried.

You try to face her but she stops you.

“Don’t move, dont turn around” she mumbles “please, I dont want to see you yet.”

And you agreed in silence.

“Are you okay?” You ask.

“No,” she says.

There was again a pause, you felt her warp her arms even tighter.

“I miss you.”

You felt the beat of your heart grow faster, but it ached as you recalled the past.

“Rin, you cant do this,” you frowned “this isnt fair.”

“I do miss you.”

“But it isnt fair, you cant do this to me.” You felt your voice quiver “You cant…”

“Yn—“

“you’ll just make it hard for me” you cut her off.

And even if you wanted to take her embrace off, you felt her tighten it even more.

“I love you, Yn.”

You thought you were hearing things but she said it again,

“I love you,” she says it a little louder.

You felt your body tense, hearing such words from her? Was this a dream?

“Are you messing with me right now?” You say “its not funny haerin.”

“Seeing you with Hanni, made me realise many things.”

“I was a coward, Yn.” She mumurs “I was afraid—afraid for such change, i was scared that if things change, I’ll lose you eventually.”

“And i dont want that, I cant bare to lose you.”

change was a complicated word, it could mean good or bad, haerin thought it was a hard and a big step thing to do, because how much she tried to hold onto something, it’ll never stay. Sometimes she wished things were different, she always ended with a “maybe” or “what if”

She was terrified of change because she had become accustomed to the way things were; it was a part of her everyday. And for such an alteration to occur, she was hesitant to take such a risk.

“Rin, why didn’t you tell me?”

You tried to face her but she didnt budge at all.

“Dont turn around yet.”

“I was just scared, if i told you—you’d wait and understand and i didnt want that, i thought it’d be too much of a burden for you.”

“You’ll never be a burden to me,” you say “even if you put bricks on my back, I’ll carry it.”

You felt her smile against your back as she holds back her laugh.

“You’re so corny.” She tells you “but that’s why I like you.”

“Do you really mean it?” You pause “do you mean everything you say?”

“I do, yn. Im just afraid but yet i was so happy when you said you liked me too, i wanted nothing but for you to feel the same.” She tells you “but i was just hesitant, i didnt want things to change, i had so much in my mind.”

“What if you fall out of love for me? And I’ll lose you both as a friend and as someone i love, its scary to evem think of it.”

You felt her fiddle with the hem of your shirt as she hugged you, like she always did when she was worried, so you held her hands intertwined with yours.

“Rin, you know, you’ll never lose me as a friend,” you gaze down at your hands interwinted at hers “you’re already a part of my life, and i dont want nothing else but for you to always be in my life, regardless of anything.”

You felt her hug loosen and then you felt something wet hit your back.

You finally got to look at her, and as you did—you saw her eyes glisten as tears were cascading down her cheeks.

And when she finally looked at your eyes, the answers were clear to her—maybe change was a good thing.

They say the more things change the more they stay the same.

Like the waves coming in on the beach, watch a fire. Watch the rain drops, river flowing, sunset, sunrise, everything's changing and nothing's changed.

The look you gave her was still the same, it was the same ones when they exactly met, it was adorning and shining.

She hugs you again startling you.

“Rin?” You laugh, feeling her arms wrap around you making you feel a little ticklish “are you okay?”

“Let’s stay like this for a while.”

#newjeans fanfic #newjeans #newjeans imagines #haerin x reader #hanni #kang haerin x reader

[jellycrusher]

Wolves and Lambs: Part 4

Alpha Max Verstappen x Omega fem!driver

Genre: Series, Omega verse, Enemies to Lovers, Romance, Eventual smut

Summary: Male Alphas are the ones who dominate motor sports all around the world, especially Formula 1. It is a well known fact. Females in general nor Female Omegas are never heard nor encouraged to join the sport since the 1950s. Well, up until now...

Word Count: 5.8k

Chapter's Premise: y/n finds herself trying to come to terms on who she is and how she avoided her heat for so long.

Parts: W&L masterlist / general masterlist

"You heard the doctor. You have to stop taking your suppressants for a while." Megan takes the prescription sheet from your hands and shoves it in her bag.

Both of you just came out from the doctor's office. Megan was meticulous in giving you a disguise just in case anyone is going to spot you. You put your head down and hide in your little canopy of protection, your Aston Martin hat. A bit obvious but it's the only one you have at the moment.

"I can't. If it comes during a race weekend, I'm dead." You reply as you walk side by side with Megan, confined by the hospital walls.

"Ay Dios Mio. Your constant intake of suppressants may be the reason why you haven't had your first heat yet at 25 years old. We don't know if there's gonna be negative side effects on your health." Megan tries her best to whisper under her breath.

"Hey, that's not proven." You halt in your steps and turn to her, lifting your head up to face her.

"But the doc says it may be a factor. You can't keep it hidden forever. It has to come sooner or later. If it comes biting your ass, don't come running to me for help."

"I don't want to be confined on what biology or society dictates me to be. I want to prove to everyone first what I can do and who I am." You continue to walk.

"I understand. I just don't want something bad to happen to you." She groaned.

"Fine. If I win a race, then i'll start tapering my dosage. I'll let it come when it wants to come."

"When you win a podium, not a race. Better odds."

"Fine. A podium."

You felt like you've been basking in the sun, warm against your skin. You didn't want to look at yourself. For every second after that encounter in the elevator until now that you've stayed frozen behind the door of your room, everything was silent.

Your body was fighting your mind. You didn't want this. For so many years, your family and friends, who knew what you really are, told you that we're all bound to meet our mate. We'll know when we meet them.

No. You don't want to. Maybe just not right now. Yes, it's romantic to see couples who are mated and are having the time of their lives. But what if they fell for another person before they met their mate? And what if they refuse their Alpha? What would happen?

Right now, you just want to succeed in this career first. Call yourself stupid for going against your biological desires but there's a lot riding on this. Your parents sacrificed a lot just to get where you are right now. You want to prove that Omegas can also achieve greatness. Female Omegas can also stand in the halls of the greats.

Maybe you're just stubborn. Meeting your mate wouldn't be the end of the world. If you give in, you won't lose anything. Maybe.

Maybe you're just overthinking. Maybe you're being too stubborn.

Max is not a bad person. You've said it yourself before. He is actually a decent guy. Well, just from your text messages but there were no deep conversations yet. You don't love him to see him as your mate. You might learn to love him but it doesn't feel right for your feelings to be swayed just because your biological desires him so.

You barely slept a wink last night. The inkling that bothered you for a few weeks now since the first race have just been confirmed, and the fact that Max left you a lot of messages that you haven't read yet made your mind in a state of disarray.

Megan barged in your room to wake you up. She even had to throw the covers off the bed and furiously opened the curtains, blinding you with the beaming sun. You groan hard as she pulls you out of the comfort of your bed.

"I can't believe this. We're late! Ay Santo Dios..." Megan continued to mention a lot of words that you were not familiar with as she looks at your commitments for the day from her phone screen.

It only took a few moments and the both of you are now on your merry way to the circuit with you being the driver. Megan was still very furious at you for you haven't given her a reason for your tardiness. At the same time, your phone was still blowing up from Max's messages.

"I've had it with your ringtone. I'll set it to silent." Megan pulls your phone from the center console and sees '50 messages' beside the name 'He Who Must Be Avoided At All Times' on the screen.

"It's fine, leave it." You're barely able to look at Megan because you had to focus on the road.

"Who's this? Is there a guy bothering you? Stalking you?!" she asks.

"No. Just leave it." With eyes still glued to the road, you try to yank the phone off her hands.

"Tell me. Is it a stalker?! 'Cause if it is, i'll kill him." She warned.

"Please no. Relax, it's not a stalker." You assured in a calm tone as she hands the phone to you.

"Y/N. If you're in a dangerous situation and you're not telling me, your mom will kill me." She appealed.

Well, that's not impossible. These two are overprotective.

"Megan..." You paused. Megan patiently waits for your answer as you drum your fingers anxiously on the wheel. "It's Max."

"Oh, Max... Wait, who's Max? from Red Bull?" Megan rambles. "Why? Did he do anything to you?"

"He did nothing. It's just.. He found out last night that I was an Omega. I've been avoiding his texts since then." You confessed, tightening your grip on the wheel.

"How? You were always careful."

"That's the thing. I was. I'm still on my suppressants." You gently scratch the surface of the wheel. "Remember when you told me how you met your husband? Your mate?"

"Yes." Megan now replied slowly, now under a notion at where the conversation is going. "Oh my god! Is he..?"

"I think so." you confessed.

Megan was about to shriek from joy but she stopped for she knew how you would respond. For her, it sounds romantic. For you, it's not. She can't count how many times your rejected the idea of having a biological mate. It wasn't against the law of anybody to love somebody else aside your fated mate but for your body to act against your will regardless of what you feel. That's what you dislike about it.

"I still have to talk to him about it. I can't have him blabbering to everyone on the grid." You added. "Let's take this one step at a time."

"You still have a race later. Better focus on that first." She replies as she takes off her seatbelt when you arrived at the car park in the circuit.

Megan hauled you to the team hospitality to prepare you for the drivers' briefing. When you arrived at the briefing hall, majority of the drivers were already seated and the team principals were standing around in a circle, chatting. You stood by the door looking for an empty seat to take when you saw Charles, Oscar, and Lando calling you to take the seat they reserved for you on the third row. Your feet took a few steps when a hand suddenly but gently caught your wrist.

"We need to talk. You've been ignoring my texts." Max urged, eyes dead straight at you.

"Max, not here. Later." You scan the room for any eyes or ears that might eavesdrop as you carefully remove his hand from you.

Max takes a second to compose himself then tugs his hand through his hair. "Fine. Sit with me then."

"I'll choose my own seat. Thank you." You replied as you walk away from him, not giving him enough time to add more. Max's hand hovered uncertainly as if to stop you but he lets his hand limp

You strut farther into the hall and the three men gave you space to stride along the third row to take your seat between Charles and Oscar. Max took an empty seat on the first row beside Checo. He can't help but steal some glances in your direction during the driver's briefing.

It was hard to ignore Max as well. One good thing that your incident with Max has caused is that his scent doesn't make you cower in fear anymore. Knowing the reason why the dynamics between the two of you had changed, you mentally slap your pheromone-disturbed self from inhaling his lingering scent.

His scent wasn't really distinct before. For you, it was associated with fear or something menacing, but now he smelled so crisp like Cotton and sweet like baked Tangerine. Being that close to each other gave you a chance to actually distinguish his scent. Just remembering Max's small sniffs on your neck makes your body squirm, in a good way. It was nice and comforting. But it also felt sensual.

Alpha smells so good. Let's smell him once more. You mentally slap yourself once more, shaking off the tiny voice from your inner Omega in your head.

"I heard from Lance that you're moving. Where will you stay?" Charles' voice took you out from your trance just as the drivers' briefing just ended.

"In Monaco. It being a tax-free haven sounds enticing." you replied in glee knowing that it was the Monegasque who asked you.

Noticing the other younger drivers to turn to you after hearing your response, it took a moment for you to remember that a number of them were living there.

Lando perks up, legs bouncing. He leans forward and peeked his head across Oscar. "Do you know how to play Padel?" you shake your head. "We'll teach you. We had been waiting for another member to join our little club."

"He just wants to have the bragging right when he defeats all of us." Oscar chuckled, arms crossed on his chest.

"He even almost made Max cry. Have some mercy on all of us, will you?" Charles adds, further teasing Lando.

"I'll tell you when I've settled in. Maybe a housewarming lunch or dinner sounds good?" You ask. Lando quickly taps Alex's shoulder to tell him about your new residence and a possibility of a new member for their F1 drivers-exclusive Padel Club.

"I'm going to tour you to some of the best places. You still owe me a car ride." Charles couldn't help but smile at you, already making up a list in his mind.

When the briefing ended, all of the drivers went their own way back to their hospitalities. At the corner of your eyes, you saw Max hurriedly stood up from his seat on the first row and was about to make his way towards you. He noticed the miniscule squirm your body did when your eyes met. You almost panic in your seat but he came to an abrupt stop when he saw Megan pull you away.

Max tried his best to look for a chance to talk to you, much to his dismay. There wasn't much time for each of the drivers to get to interact with each other, especially during race day. After some of his media commitments in the morning were done, he went to visit the Aston Martin hospitality. He comes up to the small ledge when he saw Lance chatting with some of the staff.

"Hey Lance." Lance gets up from his seat when he noticed Max and greets him with a one-armed hug and a double backslap. "Have you seen y/n?"

"I think Sky Sports has her for an interview, I think. You know, the usual." Lance replies as he sits down. Max groans go unnoticed.

"Do you know when she might be free? I need to talk to her." Max asks as he leans his hand on the ledge.

"Maybe after the race? Her schedule's so full today. Haven't even seen her stay here in the hospitality for more than 15 minutes. Megan even got her shooting a lot of content for our Tiktok account."

"Megan?" Max quirks up his eyebrow.

"Speaking of..." Lance chimed in as he spots Megan behind Max, about to walk inside. "Megan!" She stops and turns to Lance's direction. "He's looking for y/n." He points at Max and Megan's eyes follow.

Megan thought differently when she saw Max right there, comfortably leaning on the ledge. It was in her overprotective instinct to assume that Max might possibly be a snitch or asking anyone in the team regarding what you are. She walks up to Max and asked him to come with her, already walking away without waiting for a response. Max was confused at first but did not hesitate to follow behind.

Max and Megan comes to a halt in an empty corner in the paddock, away from prying eyes.

"What are you doing?" Megan snaps around and narrows her eyes at him, arms crossed on her chest.

"I was just asking for y/n." Max innocently confessed.

"Were you going to tell on her? I can't believe you." She leans forward as if interrogating the driver.

Max leans back, baffled by the sudden change in demeanor. "No. Of course not... Wait, you know?" He tries to whisper.

She tries to examine his face for a minute for any sign of a lie but relaxes when she felt that he was telling the truth. "Listen, Max. I know she's been avoiding you but I need her to be at her best today. She needs to be on that podium."

"Don't we all?" Max scoffs.

"No, you don't understand. I need her to be on the podium because her health is on the line. I've let her be stubborn for too long 'cause she's in love with racing too much but I finally had her to agree, at last. I don't know what's going on between the two of you but please don't distract her too much today." She pleads with a serious tone.

Max hated knowing that it wasn't his place to pry. All he wanted from you was answers but it seems that even more questions are piling up. What does she mean? Your health is on the line? Are you sick? Are you injured? How is it connected to you getting that podium?

His inner Alpha was trying to fight himself.

Our omega... She's hurt or sick. Ask for more information. No, we're clearly told to stay put. She's not ours. Isn't it clear that she's avoiding us? Than ask her directly. Let's smell her again. No. Just shut up. Stay.

"Understood?" Megan asserts herself, taking Max out of his trance.

"Yes ma'am."

Megan waited for a bit to see how Max would take their conversation but left quickly when she saw that people are now starting to crowd the paddock. Max stayed in that quiet corner for a few seconds before going out into the paddock. There he saw you, sitting just outside your team's hospitality with Alonso and surrounded by a few cameras and staff. Probably completing a challenge with your teammate. His eyes locked onto you, taking in your smile. It was invigorating for him to see you having fun.

He used to feel so foreign around you. When he sees you having fun with his friends, it irritated him. His face used to turn sour when Lando or Alex hype you up.

There was something about you that intrigues him. You weren't able to race with most of them back then. Charles was a bit familiar with you because you got to race alongside his brother. Oscar and Logan had only met you once or twice and they had raced with you in a few Grand Prix but usually a lot of drivers keep to themselves and stayed in their own garages.

Then there's the big elephant in the room. You were an Omega, no doubt. After the incident in the elevator, he did scour the internet after his haze faded when he got back in his room. There were only articles about you stating that you were an Alpha, your achievements in F2 and F3, and also the highlights of your racing career. No scandals, not much haters. There were no articles claiming you have a bad beef with any driver.

For a public personality, you kept pretty quiet. Maybe that's why no one has discovered your secret yet. But that would be an extreme feat. To conceal your identity. What about heats? The horrendous and taxing schedule of Formula 1 isn't really ideal for Omegas. He recalled when Lando had to deal with Oscar's heat every month. When they were still unmated, Lando had to tiptoe around Oscar and avoid him when his pheromones were on the highest setting. How the other drivers reacted to him when it came around race weekend. It took them at least 5 months to come to the truth that they needed each other.

It was a bit easier for Oscar because everyone knows that he is an Omega since the start. They knew they had to avoid him when Lando or Oscar gave them a heads up. It scares him thinking that it will be much harder for you but it was also amazing how good you hide it.

Questions for another day, he admits to himself.

You were having a blast going against Nando in a PR competition when you spot Max walking through the paddock. Your eyes met and it made you nervous that he might come up and wait for you but no, he avoided your eyes and continued to walk. Your eyes followed his figure, relieved but also worried. Fernando had to call your attention to continue the challenge.

Your PR and media commitments were finally done and then, there was the driver's parade. The crowds in the grandstands were almost full and it was deafening. Everyone was screaming each of the drivers' names when they were called and when it was your turn to be introduced, it was heartwarming to hear their warm welcome. A smile so wide painted your face as you greet the driver while stepping in the convertible car and sat on the surface of the rear end near the deck lid.

You waited for your car's cue to go but you see it got delayed. There were a slight commotion amongst the staff that were on standby on the track and they were pointing to something behind you. You turn around and they were checking the car behind yours that was supposed to be for Max. Apparently, the engine of his parade car won't start again.

Fernando's car already left way before you and also Checo's. The staff are now pointing at yours and you see that the people who were talking to Max assisted him to get off the car. They were ushering him to your direction. Someone slapped Max's car number onto the side of your convertible. You now realize that they're letting you and Max share a car so that this problem won't delay the program.

The car shook slightly as Max climbs up the convertible. Max sees you scooting to one side trying to avoid his eyes so he quietly sat down on the other side of the convertible's rear. Both of you started to wave to the crowd as the engine of the convertible purred. Max would steal a few glances when you're not looking. Your body was stiff and awkward, in contrast to what you were showing the crowd, smiling and waving.

"Relax. It's not like I bite." Max spoke up just loud enough for you to hear under all those noise. "Just concentrate on the race later or else, you'll be an easy target for these guys."

You snap your head around and glared at him. He had this smug smile while still waving. "They wish." You scoff.

With just a few words from him, you find your shoulders loosening up. Slightly offended by his insinuation but you knew that he was just riling you up. It was also surprising that Max didn't bother to disturb you since the briefing. You would be at shoulder's length but still, he'd just nod when your eyes met.

The drivers' parade ended quickly and every driver headed for their respective garages to prepare. You spent the remaining time training with your physio and getting enough rest. The last program was for the national anthem. You make your way onto the track and answered a few questions for a Sky Sports presenter who was roaming and interviewing some of the drivers. You stood behind a grid kid to take your place and kept quiet. Right before the anthem was played, you noticed the female grid kid trying to steal a look at you. You smile back at her and she quietly squealed as she swiftly face in front. When the anthem finished playing and as you follow the other drivers exiting the track, your grid kid raised her hand to request for a high five. You gladly pressed your palm on hers and the other grid kids also eagerly raised their hand as you pass by them, catching the attention of the other drivers and the cameras.

You find yourself gritting your teeth and hands clenching the wheel as you drive the car in your grid position at the track during the formation lap. You look up at the red lights above.

"It's lights out and away we go, here at the Jeddah Corniche Circuit! and it's Max Verstappen who takes the lead of the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix."

With a good reaction time, you were able to overtake three places from 15th. You were able to fend for your position well in those crucial first few laps of the race. You attacked, you defended, you attacked, you defended. It was a constant cycle.

Max, who had started in pole position, lost the lead to Charles on the third sector in the second lap, won it back by the fourth lap and slowly and methodically pulled away for his second win of the season.

It took you only eight laps to move into 10th place, and only eight more to rise to sixth. By the halfway point of the race, and helped by the fortuitous arrival of a safety car that allowed you to make up even more ground, you find yourself in fourth.

"Y/n had played down her chances of victory from the moment a broken drive shaft ended her qualifying early Saturday and left her in 15th place. But that did not mean she had any intention of staying in the back of the field. Look at her picking her way through the pack behind her with ease"

Your driving style was aggressive and clever, a total beast on the offence. The journalists have also made note of your tyre preservation prowess. They have published a few articles after the first race mentioning that with your pairing with Alonso this year, Aston Martin can gain considerable confidence that it will be regularly able to take on the red cars and the black ones fielded by Mercedes too.

At around lap 46, Ben informs you through the radio that Lewis who is in P3 at the moment incurred a 5 second penalty. With Charles on P2 just 2 seconds ahead of Lewis and you tailing behind just a second away, there might be a chance for you to end up on the podium at the end of this race. You just have to maintain the gap behind Lewis and also for Lewis to continue battling with Charles.

Ben: "So, one more lap y/n, just bring it home." Y/N: "Think something happened to my left tyre." Ben: "Ok, copy. So Sainz, 30 seconds behind, battling with Russell."

You peek at your front left tyre and it was starting to wobble. You may have hit something on the track, possibly puncturing the tyre.

Ben: "If you go Diff-Mid 12, Sainz 20 seconds and gap to Lewis is 2 seconds." Ben: "Now 17 seconds. Now 16 seconds."

The car was already slowing down and the left tyre was tumbling around on its rim. Ben was constantly updating you but you did not bother to respond.

Ben: "So use Strat 5. 10 seconds to Sainz and 3 seconds from Lewis." Ben: "7 seconds to Sainz. 6 seconds to Sainz." Ben: "Maintain this gap to Lewis. 4 seconds."

You've passed the last corner and about to go on the straight where the chequered flag should be when you saw Sainz closely tailing behind you. With your feet instinctively pushing flat out, your car zoomed past and hopefully closing the gap with Lewis in less than 5 seconds for P3 position.

Y/N: "Do we have it?! TELL ME BEN, DO WE HAVE IT??" Ben: "That's it, y/n! You've done it, P3! YOU'VE DONE IT! Wow, you've done it y/n." Y/N: "Was there a flag? I did not see it." Ben: "There was a flag. You've done it though. Just stop. You can pull the car over. We'll come and get you." Y/N: "Fuck that was close! Sorry for the profanity." Ben: "Yeah, I was about to say the same thing. That was a close call. Too close for comfort. But awesome work, mate." Y/N: "LET'S GO!!!!! BEN, WE DID IT!!!"

Your team radio is now being broadcasted across all tv screens worldwide. As Max and the other drivers complete their slow lap around the track after they've crossed the line, they catch a glimpse of you in the screens. Throwing your hands in celebration, still inside the cockpit. When you got out of the car at the side of the track, you knelt down and pats the damaged tyre aggressively as if thanking the car.

You had to do your best as not to cry from overwhelming joy. You felt like you won the race for P3 but you didn't. It was as if you were soaring through the clouds right then. The crowds at the grandstands were screaming your name, fireworks were setting off in the background. That was for Max, of course, but it couldn't hurt to imagine that it could be for you too.

You were picked up by a safety car and your car was towed to the parc ferme. When you got out of the car, Oscar jumped at the moment to wrap you in a hug, Lando following behind.

Warm and sincere congratulations, pats on the backs and helmet taps too, were sent over your way when you threw yourself to your team of mechanics and engineers who were waiting on the other side of the barricade. You took off your helmet and balaclava so you could properly breathe and to revel in the sounds of your victory.

You were the first one who had to do the post-race interview, followed by Charles in P2 and Max in P1. You couldn't contain your smile, choking on your words yet again.

"Y/n!" David Coulthard calls out your name in joy. "That was an amazing race. You had your maiden pole last race and now, your maiden F1 podium after just 2 races in this season. Could you tell me more?"

"With the information of Lewis' 5 second penalty, I had to give everything on the table. I've never had a race like that before. We tried to maintain the gap but also had to monitor Carlos behind as well. It was a team effort and I couldn't have done it without them."

"Your last lap had us trembling in our seats. You managed to bring home your car across the line in that state. How did you do it?" David asked with such enthusiasm.

"I don't know how I've managed to be cool in that period but I just... I had no choice. Survival instincts came over me and I've come all this way. I'm not gonna pull over and back off to let anyone drive pass. I was thinking 'How can I get there with taking as much risks as possible without losing the car altogether?'. I still can't believe I did it." You try to take a few deep breaths after you finished your interview, still reeling in from that feeling of accomplishment.

Max and Charles pats your back as the three of you walked towards the cooldown room. The huge screen showing the highlights of the race, including your tyre mishap and struggle to cross the finish line for P3. Charles hands you a water bottle and you took it, not peeling your eyes away from the screen. If you only had your phone, you would take a photo of the small pillar with a huge number 3 and a small screen playing your driver intro bit.

The three of you are now ushered to prepare for the podium ceremony. Your feet was quick to move after your name was called. The crowd roared with applause and cheers as you made your way up the podium. You stood patiently on your step as you hear Charles' and Max's name. Despite feeling a bit flushed due to the adrenaline from winning P3, your cheeks felt a bit cold as you place your hands on the side of your face.

Your race suit now wet from the champagne being sprayed amongst the podium placers. Charles and Max were having fun targeting you, spraying the champagne at your face. They both admired your blissful smile and eyes filled with euphoria.

"Champagne suits you. Congratulations y/n!" Max can't help but admit to himself that you were an excellent racer. Your expression softened when you heard him and it's like Max's heart skipped a beat.

"Thanks Max. Congratulations on winning!" As if the champagne rain slowed down, it was just you and Max. The stage lights made the champagne sparkle, trickling down on both of you. He never saw anyone be so ecstatic in getting P3 but you made celebrating look so beautiful and graceful.

You watched Max's face as he shared a smile with you but not a second later, you could clearly see the horror in his face as his body stiffen.

"Y/n, your nose." Charles cocks his head to the side of Max, inconspicuously pointing to his nose, prompting you to do the same. Your hand crept up to your face and it was met by a warm liquid oozing down your nose. When you swiped it off, you saw blood on your fingertips.

Max was quick to turn you around, shielding you from the cameras. You try to wipe your nose with your arm but the blood can't seem to stop.

"Are you okay? What's wrong? Do you want us to call the medics?" Max whispers in panic, still spraying the champagne at Charles and towards the crowd below as he shields you behind him. To the people below and in the crowd, it was as if you're just wiping the champagne off your face.

"Relax. It's just a nosebleed. This will pass." You whispered, still trying to wipe off the remaining blood. The sleeve of your green suit now tinted red. "What the heck, it's not stopping."

"Y/n, I think the cameramen are now noticing." Charles' eyes darted to the cameramen below and above.

"I've been a bit more anemic lately. I think that's why." You murmured.

"When Megan told me that your health is compromised, is this it?" Max leans to your side a bit, still facing front and waving to the crowd.

"You talked to her? What did she tell you?!" You glared at Max, surprising the two men.

"Y/n, Max, can you two talk about it later? We're still on the podium." Charles cleared his throat.

You slightly nudged Max away from you, not noticed by the crowd, while you pinch your nose and cover your face. Max can't help but stare in concern at your figure. His inner Alpha wanting to carry you and rush to medic's tent.

Then the ceremony ended.

"Y/n, come on. I haven't told him much, I promise. I just told him to leave you alone that day." Megan pleaded as she follows you while carrying a large box filled with your household items.

You open the door to let Megan in but you avoid her eyes. She darts across the empty unit, footsteps echoing along the walls, to place the box labeled 'Kitchen Items' down on the floor. You sighed, accepting defeat, as you drop the huge bag of items that you were carrying.

"Fine, but next time, stop telling him unnecessary information."

"Hey, your health was not an unnecessary information. I'm just glad you're fine now. I told you that your prolonged use of suppressants will eventually bite you in the ass." She rambled.

"Yes, yes. You gotta stop scolding me. It's been like a thousand times already." You groaned. "I got the podium and I'm on a suppressant detox. Happy?"

"Yes. I'm working on your schedule just in case it came early." Megan skips across the unit and stopped near the door. "I'll get the last box. You can stay here just in case the delivery company calls through the intercom." She exits the unit after you nod your head.

The empty huge apartment unit was now filled with unopened boxes. There were no furnitures yet but the anticipation of decorating your new home is making you excited. Wood and cured paint scent filled the air. It was relaxing for you but after a while, it's actually nauseating so you open the door to the balcony.

Coldness of the elegant granite greeted your arms as you lean against it. Your apartment is located in a spot overlooking the marina where you can spot plentiful yachts. With just a soft breeze, you could almost smell the sea. Even with your eyes closed, you could vividly visualize the city below you from its sound. The hustle and bustle of Monaco.

Closing your eyes for a few seconds made you yawn. You are still recovering from that horrific anemic bout during the podium ceremony in the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix. The team had to recommend you to a local hospital for a check up and was just given a prescription. You took a flight out the next day and went straight to "Moving Out" mode. It hasn't been two days since the race but here you are, renting a luxurious apartment in Monaco, about to live your best life.

"Looks like you could fit a head in your mouth." You heard a familiar warm voice coming from above your balcony. When you opened your eyes, there was someone peeking their head out of their balcony and looking down below at you, apparently still yawning. You closed your mouth in embarrassment.

"Max?!"

"Hi neighbor!"

Next part: Part 5

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#max verstappen x reader #max verstappen #mv1 #mv33 #f1 x female reader #f1 x female driver #f1 omegaverse #f1 enemies to lovers #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 x you #formula 1 #f1 romance #f1 drivers #f1 fanfic #f1 #f1 x reader #oscar piastri #charles leclerc x reader #op81 #cl16 #lando norris #ln4

[thequietkid-moonie]

Their cheerful friend says that they want to be dead

[ SCENARIO ] [ Hanako, Shuichi, Ishida ]

[ Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun ] [ Danganronpa V3 Killing Harmony ] [ A silent voice ]

⚠️ Hidden depression, masking the true feelings and even denying them

I don't know if I had said this before but I been suffering depression for a really long time and I used it to hide it even from me, i used to smile all the time! So much that now I hate my smile

Hanako-kun

Hanako is a really friendly and cheerful person, as long as you don't talk about sensitive topics or try to have problems with him he doesn't have reasons to don't be your friend

Since you yourself are pretty cheerful and friendly you two just match energy and can easily light up the room with your attitude, sometimes playing some jokes to each other or even others from time to time

However being happy all the time could be unhealthy and Hanako knows really well how it is to put a smile in your face and hide all the sadness and negative feelings from the world, he won't acuse you for it right away but there are some things that make him think that it could be something wrong, such as an extreme happiness or not being bothered by the problems in a not so healthy way

As much as Hanako likes your cheerful personality he can't help but feel nervous about it, however he constantly tells himself that is alright and he is probably only overthinking

He end up hearing you say that you want to be dead by accident, maybe he just over heard you when you were just talking to yourself while approaching to you, or maybe it was a slip from you for feeling really comfortable around him, in any case just by hearing those words he is shocked, he didn't expected this, or, at least, he didn't wanted it to be true

He is so shocked by your words that Hanako can't say anything, he just stand there looking directly at you while a quiet "what" escapes from his lips, if you see him and try to brush it off as a joke he will agree but is obvious that the thought haven't leave his head, however if you try to come up with a excuse or play innocent is more probably that he confront you right away

In any case, soon or later, he will talk to you about it, this is something really serious and it isn't common for people to talk about wanting to be dead for no reason, he will talk to you about it alone because this is serious and he will talk from his own point of view as a ghost, as someone who is already dead and, most important, as someone who had taken his own life

He understand if you don't want to talk about this with him or that you don't feel ready to said it out loud, he even understand if you aren't ready to even accept it to yourself but he can't just let this grow or let you all alone to handle it when he can do something to help you, so he will insist on talking to you. The more you try to avoid the topic or insist that is nothing the more desperate he grows, even reaching a point where he is being really pushy but is talking from his heart

Hanako won't force you to talk about this with anyone else but suggest on searching for help, even if is just asking him to be a shoulder to cry or someone to vent with he will be more than happy to do it

After this he will be paying more attention on you, he try to don't be too obvious but to don't let you alone, he continue being your cheerful friend but is constantly checking on you, directly or indirectly. Hanako even start to have little details with you that shows that he cares for you a lot and that he want you to be safe

Shuichi Saihara

Shuichi is more the type to be quiet and go unnoticed, however with the help of his friends he grew more open and confident of himself so that could help for you two to be friends too

For him your cheerful personality isn't strange, he is already used to Kaito's loud personality and Kaede's optimism so it doesn't take him long to get used or to like your cheerful attitude, is pretty plesesnt and even funny having you around

However, Shuichi is observant and perseptive, he can notice things others don't and, even if you try your hardest to hide it or even aren't aware of it, is just matter of time for him to notice the little hints of the true feelings you hide behind that smile you always have, and he grows incredibly worried by it

At first Shuichi tells himself that is nothing, he was probably overthinking or drawing illogical conclusions and he tries to shake it out of his mind, although the bad feeling doesn't really go away and, even when he doesn't want to he can't help but pay more close attention to you, just wanting to make sure everything is alright with you

Getting to heard you say that you want to be dead it could be by accident or not, maybe he was just passing by in a wrong moment or maybe he was trying to find clues about what are you feeling when he had overheard you, but at the end it doesn't matter much how he get to heard you, he did and that is the important

This is something shocking, he never thought you will be feeling so bad that you actually think on dying, he can comprehend feeling down but he had never actually thought on death before (or at least never took it seriously) and knowing that you do make him feel uneasy, he wants to help you but he can't even put his mind in order to be able to say something (if you found him right after hearing you he will try his hardest to come up with an excuse, a terrible one actually)

He need and will think about this whole thing for a little while, your words repeat over and over again in his mind, pressuring him, making him feel like he has to do something and has to do it now, and yet he won't talk to you until he had clarified his mind (at least a little) because he wants to do this right

When he finally confront you he, first of all, apologize for overhearing you but quickly express his concern, he doesn't say more than the necesary about his worries since he doesn't want you to feel obligate to talk or judged, but he leaves clear that he is worried and he is here for you, you can rely on him or in your other friends, he is sure they will be happy to help you

If you aren't even aware of your own feelings he will try his best to help you realize it (probably slowly), he doesn't want to be pushy but this is something serious, if, deep down, you really wish dead is better to take care of those feelings now

He will offer his help, even if he can't do much he still offer you do the little he can do for you, as well he will constantly looking after you, unconsciously paying close attention to you. Shuichi knows pretty well how it is to feel depressed but also knows what is like having friends that help you grow, and that is what he want to be for you, he is determinated to help you because he apreciate you and care for you, he wants to see you smile, but with a sincere smile, one that is from true happiness

Shoya Ishida

It would take Ishida a while to accept the fact that you two are friends, is just that it had been so long since the last time he had someone who he can consider his friend that he doesn't know what to do or even if he deserve it

Your cheerful and undying smile makes Ishida nervous but at the same time it make him feel more at easy sometimes, sometimes he is troubled by it because it could be a little too much (for how new is for him) but other times make him feel like is okay for him to relax and accept the friendship

Ishida sometimes wonder how you can be so cheerful and happy all the time, but he doesn't doubt you or question you for it, he just wonder, also that is why he could be easily tricked if you shows hints of not feeling really well but just brush it off, he prefers to don't say anything about it and just agree with you

However, the more he get to see or notice those hints of you actually don't feeling well the more he worries, at first he tries to don't think further on it, saying to himself that he is probably just overthinking or seeing things where there are none, but not matter what the worry persist

The moment he get to heard that you want to be dead is really shocking for him, he understand that feeling but it never crossed his mind the posibility of someone so cheerful as you, someone so different of him, could ever think something like that, let alone wish it. It doesn't matter if he overheard it or it slips from your lips for feeling comfortable with him

Ishida can't believe what he had just heard, or at least doesn't want to accept it, he is even doubting himself, wondering if he had heard you right and will try to convince himself that it isn't true if you come up with an excuse, however the thought of it will stuck in his mind for a long time

You are his friend and he cares a lot for you that is why he wants to help you, although he has no idea of what to do and will be pretty akward around you the next days, like if he is trying to say something but is embarrassed of it, until he finally manage to buld up the courage to talk to you about this (and yet he is being pretty nervous about it), saying that he had heard what you said but clarify that he doesn't judge you, he is just worried

He doesn't know much what to do to help you so he offer you to give you his fully support and learn together what to do in this situation, even admiting that he had wished the same in the past

Is pretty obvious how he tries to pay more attention to you and be more obvious with how he cares for you, constantly asking you how are you feeling and offers his help and to be a shoulder to cry

With time Ishida will grow a little more comfortable with the topic and he will be able to help you in ways that are more subtle but significant, and probably suggest to search for profesional help together

#jshk #jshk x reader #tbhk #tbhk x reader #hanako kun #hanako x reader #danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa v3 x reader #shuichi saihara #shuichi saihara x reader #shuichi x reader #a silent voice #a silent voice x reader #shoya ishida #shoya ishida x reader #ishida x reader #x reader #x gn reader #anime x reader #manga x reader #video games x reader

[princess-of-the-corner]

Amnesia!Dabi: Twice (and assorted random thoughts)

I like to imagine that Jin ALSO ends up living with the Todorokis, or at least under their protection. Hell, maybe he stays at U.A.. Maybe Magne comes out of hiding to give them a hand. Who knows. But, like. Like, the Hero Commission absolutely want to throw him in jail. Like. A Hero Student got kidnapped. All Might has retired. The LoV is still at large. The recent upheaval - Kamino, the Togas trial, Toya, maybe a few information leaks - have really hit their public image. They are probably suffering a drop in public trust, and need a win (or a scapegoat). And like. I imagine they give it their best shot.

However:

1) By the time the HC get wind of it, Jin is at U.A., being treated by Recovery Girl. On paper, Jin has “surrendered” to U.A., just like Himiko and Dabi did, an incident the HC largely let U.A. handle independently. Like, did they want to get involved? Oh absolutely. But one of those villains was Endeavour’s kid, the other was a malnourished fifteen-year-old, they know to pick their battles. However, it’s created a pretty obvious precedent that U.A. can use.

2) Their big argument would be that Jin’s Quirk, combined with mental instability, makes him highly dangerous. Well, guess what, his Quirk is GONE. And they can’t claim ignorance, because there’s a pretty recent precedent for that too - Ragdoll. Her medical records probably shows her Quirk factor being damaged or something, and Jin matches (or might even be WORSE). They also could have Monoma try to copy Jin’s Quirk, to prove its really gone, cause he can’t copy what isn’t there. 

3) They still try to make an argument for mental instability. However, with U.A. in the way, they’d definitely need to take this to court, get a proper ruling on Jin’s mental health, prove that he’s a danger to others. Not only is he NOT a danger to anyone right now (except himself) the Hero Commission wants to avoid that as much as possible. Why?

Himiko’s trial.

Cause this is happening right in the middle of the Togas fighting U.A. about Himiko. And that Trial is making all kinds of waves. Like, I imagine part of the reason Dabi went public with his identity as Toya Todoroki, got himself declared “not dead”, was so he could testify in court. Like, yes, he probably could have as Dabi, but it’s most likely EASIER as Toya, if that makes sense? So not only is the public getting “Pro Hero Phoenix Rises From The Ashes!” they’re also getting “Toya Todoroki to testify in upcoming abuse case”. There’s media attention on what would otherwise be swept under the rug. It’s getting a LOT of publicity, and I imagine that the Hero Commission aren’t coming out looking too hot. Why?

So I mentioned some info leaks, right? I like to imagine that the mission Toya went on where he “died” wasn’t just any old mission. It was issued by the Hero Commission. Now, do I think anyone in the HC was part of AfO’s plan to yoink Toya? No idea, but not the point. Those info leaks were about that mission, so now everyone KNOWS that the HC sent Toya on the mission where he “died”. They also have the follow up stuff, which when looked at all together, seems pretty sketchy? Like, why this decision? Why send him alone? Why these heroes, they wouldn’t be great for search and rescue? Why only this long of a search? Hold up, is this autopsy dated the day BEFORE? Shit like that.

(Now, besides the autopsy, I imagine most of it at the time could be explained by “Enji is panicking, grabbing whoever is closest, and not really thinking straight”, but looked back on by the public who don’t have context, it seems REALLY SUSPICIOUS.)

So, there’s all of THAT, but I also imagine that the HC did, at some point, try to get an … “interview”, with Himiko. Like, to ask her about the League. I imagine Himiko, wanting desperately to please the Todorokis (they’re all heroes, if she cooperates, will they keep her?) says sure, she’ll do it.

It goes REALLY FUCKING BAD.

I don’t know who they send to ask questions, but whoever it is, is used to dealing with hardened criminals, not emotionally damaged teens. The “interview”*cough*interrogation*cough* ends with Himiko in a panic attack, Dabi ready to burn a motherfucker to death, and Enji ready to help him. The HC back off so fast they leave tire tracks, and are trying their best to mitigate the situation. Only maybe, perhaps. Himiko’s parents are just rich enough, just influential enough, to know some people in the HC. To find out about the interview.

WHICH THEY DECIDE TO BRING UP IN COURT TO PROVE THEIR DAUGHTER IS A CRIMINAL - I MEAN, THE HC THOUGHT SO, RIGHT?

The Hero Commission is scrambling to fix this, and to do that, they need a win. Or a scapegoat. But they also realize that it’s 50/50 whether taking Jin to court would even work for them right now. So, eventually, they back off, and Jin moves into the Todoroki spare room.

(Please note, all of this is just random thoughts, not sure how well any of this would work?)

*And now, for something, completely different*

So, in the manga, they state that (at least physically) Magne hasn’t transitioned yet. Just … hasn’t been in a place, financially or socially to do that yet, was the impression I got? I like to think that Magne, after leaving the LoV, still in some of her “fuck this shit” phase, decides you know what? I am stuck in a weird place, have no idea what I’m going to do with my life, but I want to be happy. Now’s the time to transition. When she shows up properly at the end to help fuck shit up, Katsuki takes one good look at her, and goes “oh. THAT’S what I want”.

*

If Miruko is already dating, or at least friends, with Fuyumi, what if that’s how Hawks gets pulled in to the Dabi/Toya thing? I like to headcanon that the two are pretty good friends (youngest proheroes, both have animal Quirks, both get a lot of shit from similar places), so when Miruko needs another Pro, she calls him, like, “K, I need your help, but you can’t ask any questions, you can’t tell ANYONE, and aren’t allowed to arrest anyone.”

-

Hell yeah hell yeah HELL YEAH

I just LOVE the Commission being hoist by their own petard.

We can also end up with some bonus info reveals when Dabi eventually remembers The Thing™. Because the Commission tried to cover that up and then cut their involvement when they realized it was a lost cause even though the problem technically continues.

Swinging to the Hawks and Miruko thing:

I think they both got dragged in differently because like. They’re friends but also the social circle is a circle if that makes sense? Like yeah they might’ve told each other, but Hawks got involved because he’s on the list of Heroes that Enji trusts to deal with this sort of thing. (And also in a more personal way Enji was slightly projecting and seeing Hawks as another kid, so  it’s like ‘ah yes tell the family he’s also family’. The Dabi situation quickly turns this into a ‘the only reason I’m not filing adoption papers is because he’s a future in-law now’)

But also Hawks and Miruko get along great and definitely talk about many things.

#submission #amnesia!dabi

[possiblylando]

Are the enchanted blades sentient? [KaguraBachi] (Spoilers upto Ch. 16)

I've been seeing an idea occasionally circulate of the enchanted blades being sentient or becoming sentient some time in the future. It's an interesting concept that is somewhat supported by the story but not exactly in the way you're likely thinking. See I doubt the blades have sentience in a way that gives them a personality but more so in a way that draws them to be used?

It's a bit weird to explain since it's more of a vibe so I'll just illustrate my point and hopefully that'll make it more clear. to do this I'm going to be setting up some obvious background stuff and information that I'll use in the rest of this.

The Enchanted Blades were created by Kunishige specifically as weapons to kill with.

Kunishige was killed 2 years ago and the blades were stolen by a group of still unknown sorcerers.

The Kamunabi knows about the blade's existence but none of the specifics of them despite these blades being A. In the war B. In the wild for 2 years

Right after Chihiro started searching for the blades 2 just happened to crop up.

The wielder of the blade is linked to the blade in some way A. The user can "awaken" new abilities within a blade that it didn't originally have when they're pushed to the brink B. Sojo is able to teleport/dash to his sword using a bolt of lightning despite not having that type of sorcerery or holding the blade. Meaning he was able to use it's power despite not having it on his person.

The enchanted blades are made of "Daten Rock" which is a still unknown quantity. We only know the following; A. When anyone (excluding Kunishige) tries to touch/hold a Daten Rock they EXPLODE B. Daten Rock is used in the creation of Enchanted blades.

The blades have a "true realm" which is mostly unknown but is confirmed to exist. Somehow allowing the user and blade to grow together.

With that established I want to start pointing out all the oddities here.

-First off the Blades were created with a purpose in mind. They are weapons made to kill people. They can only be used as such. They can only reach their full potential through battle. As insane as Sojo is he's been proving right repeatedly in this regard.

-When the blades were locked away (We don't have a precise date on the war iirc but it was atleast 16 years since Chihiro probably wasn't born yet) they were dormant for probably 20+ years before being stolen by the aforementioned sorcerers. This part is rough but there are two possibilties I see with this event relating to the blades being 'sentient' A. The blades wanted to be used and somehow ended up attracting people to 'free' them (Think of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure's Fate 'system' were stand users attract eachother). B. The blades were "woken up" by being stolen and the boxes they were kept in were meant to suppress their influence.

Now this leads to the most interesting part. These blades have remained rather hidden and underground for the past 2 years since they were stolen. Yet 2 of them show up nearly immediately after Chihiro started looking for them. (Yes this can be chocked up to keeping the narrative flowing smoothly but that being the reason would be bad writing so I'm not going with that.) So why was this the case? Heres what I think;

The blades have been intentionally kept on the downlow by the Hishaku so that they'd avoid attracting attention (Likely but if they're 3-4 very powerful sorcerers with all 6 blades logically they shouldn't need to stay quiet)

The blades specific "seek out" wielders who match them so that their full power can be brought out in combat. So they haven't been used until now because they haven't ended up in the hands of suitable wielders. This would also explain why one of the enchanted swords is up for auction (imagine selling a nuke on black market E-Bay it's nothing something you'd usually do)

Now again there's another odd coincidence pertaining to the blades.

Sojo and Chihiro awakened a new power of the blade at nearly the same moment. We don't know how long the gap between the end of Sojo's fight and the current clash is so it could've been anywhere from a few minutes to the whole length of Chihiro being healed by Char and hand her over to Shiba to keep her safe. Hell even the time limits on their blade's ultimate moves coincide.

So heres my thesis statement.

The Enchanted Blades are alive in the same way stand arrows from jojo are alive. They don't have a "mind" but they have instinct and a sword's instinct is to fight. Even if they can't move they find a way to end up in the hands of a wielder who can bring out their full potential. Right when that perfect wielder is at risk of dying or losing the blade they just happen to "awaken" an ability capable of allowing them to continue to wield the blade.

The enchanted blades want to clash with each other.

#kagurabachi #genichi sojo #chihiro rokuhira

[multifandomfanficss]

More Than I’m Willing To Lose Part 4 (finale)

Adrian Chase/Vigilante x Reader

Featuring platonic!11th Street Kids.

Adrian Chase Masterlist

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Prompt: The team has found Jack and they’ll stop at nothing to take him down, but you and Adrian just want to keep each other safe.

Warnings: panic, gun violence, scientific experimentation, mentions of sex in a joking manner, cannon typical Peacemaker violence and language

A/N: Here it is! The final chapter! It’s so crazy to me that I’m actually posting this almost exactly a year ago from when I started writing the first chapter in August of last year. I didn’t think I’d ever finish this one. I always intended to, but never did. I’m happy I finally got around to it. I hope you guys enjoy! 🥰🧜‍♂️

You sat and listened as Harcourt gave the rundown on how the mission would go. From what they could tell there was only one guy really involved. Jack seemed to be working alone. Nobody really knew why, but they didn’t care. Leota was going to run the mission, John would be running head on tech and coms, and Adrian and Chris would be the muscle. Emilia planned on staying back to watch you, just in case anyone tried anything while the team was gone.

“I’m not staying home. I’m going.” You decide.

“No, you’re not.” Adrian says adamantly.

“That’s not fair! I’m the reason we’re in this mess. Why can’t I go?” You question him.

“We’re not talking about this right now.” He tries to avoid the subject, walking away, continuing to aggressively pack a bag of weapons.

“Yes, we are. I’m a part of this team too. My shoulder is healing great and it’s not like I do much field work anyway. I’ll stay in the van! Why can’t I go?” You ask again, following him.

“Because you’re more than I’m willing to lose!” Adrian snaps. You stare at Adrian in shock. You don’t know what to think about that statement, but you don’t want him to go without you.

“Kid, he’s right-“ Chris starts.

“When have you ever agreed with him?!” You turn to look at Chris.

“Look, kid-“ You cut him off.

“I’m a grown adult don’t treat me like a fucking child.” You snap. You feel bad. You know he’s not calling you a child when he says that, but you just got so angry. You’re not even angry. You’re just scared. You sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think you need to be on this mission. It’s not a big deal. It should be easy peasy. Just let us get in, take care of it, and get out. Nobody thinks any less of you, we just think you don’t need to worry about it.” Leota tries to reason with you.

“I updated the coms and there’s trackers inside now. You can watch them at all times no matter how far away you are and I’ll loop you in if we need anything.” John promises.

“Please,” Adrian takes a deep breath. “Please stay here with Harcourt.” He begs.

“Okay.” You say flatly.

“Okay?” Adrian is relieved.

“Yeah. I’ll stay.” You weren’t happy about it.

“Thank you.” He sighs, hugging you before going to help load the van. “It’ll be okay.”

“You know he’s just trying to protect you right?” Harcourt asks once they’re gone.

“I know.” You sigh. “I just don’t like not being there in case he needs me. You and I both know how reckless he is sometimes, especially when someone’s really pissed him off.”

“He’s gonna be okay. He’s an idiot, but he’s practically indestructible.”

“I know. It’s just the practically part that scares me.” You watch the computer closely, trying not to think of all the what ifs.

“You really love him don’t you?” She asks as you stalk the coms tracker.

“Is it that obvious?” You give a dry laugh.

“Yeah, but if it helps I’m pretty sure it’s mutual. If I didn’t know you two, I’d assume you were dating.” You look at her in disbelief.

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. Chase doesn’t look at me like that.” She smiles at you in an effort to make you feel better. Moments like this were rare with Emilia. You would consider her your friend, but you didn’t often get to talk with her like this.

“Leota said the same thing.” You smile.

“Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe Adebayo and I are right? We all see it.”

“Really?” You question.

“Yes. Why haven’t you told him yet?” She asks.

“I don’t have the best track record with people I like. I tend to get rejected far more than anything else and I’ve lost friends because of it. Our friendship means too much to me to change it or lose it because I couldn’t keep my feelings to myself.” You sigh.

“Something tells me he feels pretty similarly.”

“Why won’t he just tell me? Why do I have to tell him?”

“I think he’s been trying to tell you, but doesn’t know how far is too far with boundaries. He’s probably just as scared to lose you. I don’t know why you can’t see that. You can read him better than anyone else. It’s like you two are the twins from the fucking Shinning.” You laugh at her comparison.

The joy doesn’t last long. Suddenly the trackers start to go offline. “What the fuck is happening?” You try to refrain from freaking out. Harcourt picks up her phone, making a call.

“John, why did they all just go offline?” She has him on speaker phone.

“I don’t know, but the last thing I heard before they went out was that they think we might have underestimated how many people are involved.” He seems nervous.

“Fuck!” You let out a nervous yelp.

“Can you see their last known location?” Harcourt asks. You nod, showing her your screen.

“Get in the car.” She says, packing up her weapons. You pack your computer equipment, speeding off with Harcourt to meet up with Economos. You stare out the windshield silently.

“They’re gonna be okay.” She says.

“They fucking better be…I- I never told him…” Your voice trails off.

“You’ll get to tell him. If the night doesn’t end with you and Chase cuddled up on the couch ranting about your weird fucking nerd shows and making gross kissy faces at each other then I’m gonna kill every fucking mobster in this goddamn city until I find our team.” She says, gripping the steering wheel.

You see the van and you park alongside it, hoping in.

“Thank god you’re here.” Economos lets out a sigh of relief. As Harcourt and Economos devise a plan you start to get ready to head out into the field.

“What are you doing?” John asks.

“I’m going out there and neither of you are fucking stopping me this time.”

“Chase wouldn’t like this.” Harcourt starts.

“Well Adrian isn’t fucking here. I’m getting him back.” You head out and she follows you.

“Fine, but I’m leading.” She walks ahead of you with her gun drawn into the building their coms went out in.

“John, I think we figured out why we were only ever able to see one guy in this building…” Harcourt trailed off, staring into the entrance to the cave. “It looks like their operations are mostly underground. I think they took over an old butterfly base.” She guesses.

“Are we sure they aren’t butterflies?” He questions.

“I don’t seen an excess amount of amber fluid anywhere and they’d have to have it stock piled because the cow is dead now. There’s only a couple jars. They need so much to survive. It’s their only food source.” You remind him.

“We’re going into the tunnel. I’m not sure if this will cut off our signal or not.” Harcourt informs him before you start climbing down. There are multiple rooms. The first one you reach seems to be a meeting room for operations. You start reading papers on the tables. Harcourt was a solider. She was used to this, but analyzing was your job. You could actually do a lot of helping with this part. Your eyes start to water as you stare at the papers. “What?” She looks at you, sensing your discomfort.

“They’re not butterflies. They’re trying to become butterflies. We need to find the others they’re in a lot of fucking danger right now.” You say, starting to grow panicked looking at the failed experiments before you, records of trials done to turn humans into super soldiers with the strength of butterflies without being alien. They were using the amber fluid they found at the abandoned Glen Tai factory, but it wasn’t enough. They needed more data on the butterfly DNA. That’s what Jack was stealing from your laptop.

“What the fuck do you mean become butterflies?” She was confused.

“That’s what he needed from me. He wanted the data on the butterfly DNA that I had stored on my laptop.”

“Well aren’t you smarter than I gave you credit for?” You heard a voice you never wanted to hear again from the doorway. Harcourt drew her gun. “I’ve got your little boyfriend locked up and being prepped for trials as we speak.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You try to remain calm.

“Oh that’s right. You just wish he was. That’s why you went out with me…because he doesn’t love you. You know, I didn’t expect to have to shoot you.” He shrugs. “Not in the street at least. I was hoping you’d invite me in so we didn’t have to make a scene, but you’re still saving yourself for that idiot.” He laughs at you.

“What do you want, Jack?” You cringe, thinking of the night.

“I’ve already got everything I want. I have my data. I have more test subjects. I even have you right where I want you.”

“What are you talking about?” You ask as Harcourt scans the room. She watches as more men come around the corner with guns. She’s trying to plan an exist strategy.

“I hate to admit it, but I need your help. You can help me or you can try and fail to save the guy that’s been leading you on for a year to the point where you stopped dating completely. I may not love you, but at least I’m not leading you on.”

You look at Harcourt and see she has a plan before you make your next move.

“Sure because asking me out on a date only just to shoot me and rob me isn’t leading me on at all.” You laugh. You shoot him and Harcourt takes out the other men. “What was it you said to me? You thought this way would be more fun? I hope you’re having fun, Jack.” He isn’t dead yet, but you know he’s not getting up anytime soon. “Watch him I’m going to find the others.” You start to run out the door.

“Since when do I take orders from you?!” Harcourt yells after you.

“Please?” You ask more nicely, popping your head through the door again.

“Go.” She smiles. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t get up and nobody gets away with these documents.” You smile back at her before running out the door and down the hall. You check every room, careful not to draw any unwanted attention in case anyone is left. Finally you open a door to see Chris.

“I’m glad you’re here, but your ex boyfriend is fucking crazy.” Chris jokes.

“He’s not my ex. Don’t call him that.”

“Did you bang?” He questions as you untie him.

“No, of course we didn’t!” You protest.

“Hey, don’t judge. One time I banged this chick and she had like crazy stamina. I thought she was just super into me, but turns out she was a butterfly.” You cringe.

“Oh my god please stop talking about your sex life for once and go find Leota!” You beg him.

“I’ll stop, but only because you’re getting upset because you don’t have one and I feel bad for you because you got shot.” You and Chris part ways before you can kill him to find the rest of your teammates. You open door after door until finally you find him.

“Adrian!” You run to him. He snaps his head up from it’s relaxed position to face you. He’s not wearing his mask. They must have ripped it off of him. He looks a little roughed up.

“No no no no what are you doing here? You can’t be here.” He starts to worry.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. You’re okay. Everybody is okay. I shot him. I think we took out all his people.” You start untying him.

“You shot him?!” He’s surprised.

“Yeah…”

“I’m so fucking proud of you!” He gushes. You blush. “I mean I really wanted to shoot him, but I’m glad if anyone else did it, it was you.”

“I’m sorry. I know you didn’t want me down here. I know you were trying to protect me, but I couldn’t lose you.” You continue to work on his bindings.

“I couldn’t lose you either.” You finish untying the last knot and he shakes the ropes off.

“No, Adrian, you don’t understand. I think I’d die if I lost you. Like-“ You pause, sighing. “I can’t keep pretending like I didn’t hear you say you loved me that night in the hospital and- and if you said that just because you thought I was gonna die….” You pause taking a deep breath. “You can take it back- if you meant it just as friends you can take it back, but I can’t keep pretending like it didn’t happen. I can’t write it off as drugs or sleep deprivation anymore. I don’t want to! I love you! I love you and I’m saying it sober and of my own free will because I need you to know and god I hope I’m not gonna fuck up our friendship by saying this, but I need you to know I love you and- and you said that I’m more than you’re willing to lose, well…if I lost you I’d lose everything… Okay?” He stared at you. You started to grow nervous. “Please say something…”

“I’m a fucking idiot.” He laughs, pulling you into his arms, kissing you.

“I didn’t want to go out with Jack. I’ve had feelings for you this whole time. That’s why I never dated anyone. I had started giving up hope of you liking me back so I decided going on a date was the only way to try to get over you.”

“This whole time I was worried about getting rejected or crossing your boundaries. You’re the only person who gets me and laughs at my jokes and is always nice to me. Chris told me I would creep you out and you’d ditch me. I should have just said something. I’m so sorry, (Y/N).”

“It’s okay, Ade. It doesn’t matter anymore.” You kiss him again.

“I can’t believe you shot him.” He laughs. “The motherfucker deserved it, but I bet he didn’t expect it.”

“I didn’t even expect it.” You laugh.

“Well I’m proud of you and I actually think that’s super cool and sexy of you.” He smirks.

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah, babe.” He kisses you again. You break off the kiss when you hear Leota and Chris’ voices from the doorway.

“You owe me 20 bucks.” She laughs.

Harcourt drove Jack to Belle Reve in her car while the rest of you took the van back to headquarters. You all laughed and danced to music, but this time it was different. You felt stronger. You were more confident now. Not only did you now have a successful relationship starting with Adrian’s arm around you as John drove, but you were also leaving a mission where you’d taken down a notorious criminal doing human trials on an alien drug that shouldn’t exist.

Things were finally starting to fall into place. Things were changing around here for the better. You knew the team would grow and change, you just thought it would be when they added more muscle to the team. You didn’t realize you were the muscle the team needed all along. After all, the heart is the most important muscle in the human body. Love is where you found your strength; through your friends, through Adrian, and through yourself.

#fanfic #fanfiction #adrian chase #adrian chase x reader #peacemaker #peacemaker hbo max #freddie stroma #peacemaker imagine #peacemaker fanfic #peacemaker fanfiction #adrian chase imagine #adrian chase fanfiction #adrian chase fanfic #adrian chase x you #vigilante fanfiction #vigilante fanfic #vigilante #vigilante imagine #vigilante x reader #chris smith #christopher smith #peacemaker dc #leota adebayo #emilia harcourt #john economos

[teatitty]

Okay so! In the witcher games, the person doing most of the journaling of Geralt's adventures [from main story to side quests to character profiles] is Dandelion himself. This is made very obvious in the tone and style of the entries and the fact that more than one of them say "my friend Geralt" and similar such things

But for this post we're going to focus on one in particular from TW2:

Despite my long friendship with Geralt, I know little more about this peculiar brotherhood or guild than learned tomes provide. On top of that, I am obliged to discretion, so I shall write nothing more than necessary on the subject.

Now, Dandelion is a well known unreliable narrator. He's unreliable in the books, and unreliable in the games. This is both a flaw and a strength. In this case? It's a strength. Because here's the thing: the games are, canon-wise, set after the events of all the books. So the Dandelion we see in the games is based heavily on the one in the books. We're not gonna talk about the nitty little ways in which they differ because that's not important

The important part is this: Dandelion saying he doesn't know much about witchers outside of what you read is factually false, because Geralt has told him quite a few things about them in the books, such as the fact that they don't hunt dragons. Their friendship, at this point in time, has spanned nearly 30 years and Geralt has always been open and honest with Dandelion about these subjects

But then Dandelion goes on with his second sentence: "I am obliged to discretion, so I shall write nothing more than necessary" is a direct contradiction of him saying he only knows what he's read in tomes. If that was true, there'd be no reason for him to mention discretion at all, because surely any knowledge he has of them could be easily found by just anyone. Clearly, this isn't the case

If anything, Dandelion contradicting himself actually might point to him having read a lot of the tomes still hidden in Kaer Morhen, thus turning his earlier statement from a straight up lie into a half-truth. Which is something he is very fucking good at actually. But it's that second line, about discretion, that tells us everything we need to know about his friendship with Geralt:

He respects Geralt, and witchers as a whole, far too much to record or write anything about them that could potentially compromise them. His wording is important. He says he's obliged to be discreet - meaning legally or morally bound. In his usual flippant way, he's confirmed quite succinctly that he has either been sworn to secrecy by the witchers themselves and/or simply feels it more moral to respect their privacy and avoid writing anything without their explicit approval first

It's a very small part of his journal entries and, unless you pay close attention to these sorts of things, is easy to glance right over without a second thought, which is precisely what he wants you to do. His loyalties to Geralt extend far beyond his loyalties to the academic fields he engages with and that's uniquely beautiful to me

#the witcher books #the witcher games #dandelion #meta post #I didn't get top of my class in all my reading comp classes for nothing!

[lemonhemlock]

I think part of the reason lucemond in particular gets a lot of push back (besides the obvious ick that comes from so many of the lucemonders using the tween actor as a face claim for their erotica only to gaslight anyone who calls them out on this) is that lucemond is a textbook case of the phenomenon of fanon breeding fanon.

I can believe people genuinely like reading and creating lucemond content but what they’re engaging with is literally just fanon.

I’m pretty much convinced that lucemond started out as a self insert ship for girlies who needed an excuse for Aemond to switch to team black but didn’t want to be seen doing the ‘AemondxTeam Black OC’ and accused of making Mary Sues

However lucemond metastasized in hotd fandom circles to include a bunch of headcanons and made up nonsense which has absolutely no grounding in canon. It might as well be an AemondxOC but shippers on the Twitters will argue till their blue that it’s not.

And that is probably what grinds on people — Lucerys is a nothing character in the book, his only role is to serve as a plot device. He is hardly much better in the show with only like 5 minutes of screentime and a page of dialogue. Additionally to a lot of us critics nothing about what we’re shown of lucerys is conducive to shipping with Aemond. I believe you wrote about this before in your anti-lucerys tag, but there is quite literally no reason for Aemond to like him. The only place this ship exists is in their delusions but they’ll nonetheless go on and on about fated fued and how obsessed Aemond is with Lucerys.

On AO3 and Twitter, Lucerys is some perfect Helen of Troy or celebrity it-girl figure. The realm goes to war because of him, and not the literal myriad of other political issues that have broiling for decades.

It’s the way a lot of lucemonders belittle and insult Aemond (particularly show!Aemond who unlike Lucerys actually has a character arc) to hype up Lucerys as this stunningly beautiful universally adored guy (who inexplicably has a vagina 75% of the time). Lucerys is a Mary Sue.

Now if lucemond had stayed in some niche corner of the internet there probably wouldn’t such vitriol but it’s the fact that is got big and overwhelmed the more ‘canon’ ship of Rhaenicent and became the dominant mlm ship for the fandom when by all rights that should have Aegmond or some variation of Viserys/Otto/Daemon for the old man enjoyers. Lucemond has become so big it’s practically unavoidable and the fact that it simply doesn’t make sense raises a number of folks ire.

Antis dislike lucemond and lucemonders because they’re pulling shit out of their ass. They dislike it because it’s more popular than it has any right to be. And they dislike it because it’s more than a little creepy to ship a grown man with an underage boy and insist on decribing him as twink or pretty boy. That’s not a twink it’s a child you creeps.

Now before people come out arguing about breakbones!luke and bottom/omega!aemond lucemond content realise that is a fraction of a percent of what is generally produced, and authors who create that in no way pretend they’re doing anything other than slapping metaphorical barbies together, additionally Aemond isn’t actively maligned in these stories, and older breakbones!luke avoids the obvious issue of this ship being incredibly creepy.

Now I am an advocate for doing as you wish so long as it’s not illegal. Ship and let ship. Don’t like don’t read. But I do sympathize a lot with the anti lucemond crowd and their reasons for disliking the ship but my advice is simply not to engage with them if you can avoid doing so. Firstly it’s just not a good look to get all heated over an intern ship and secondly they’ll probably go away eventually now that there won’t be any fresh content in subsequent seasons of the show. Let them have their delusions while they still can, they’re probably not hurting anyone.

So basically that’s what I think is going on with regard to lucemond and anti-lucemond in case anyone was interested in what exactly this discourse was about.

Cheers

honestly, anon, fair take. as you said, i mainly dislike lucemond bc it doesn't make sense to me why they would have the hots for each other considering their personalities, but especially their past behaviour towards each other. like i just don't buy aemond being in love with the person who maimed him.* the vibes are just not vibing. it wasn't a thing in the past with readers of Fire and Blood and the show doesn't help either bc i just can't ship someone wearing ewan's face with someone wearing elliot's face - the visual discrepancy is way too accentuated

but if lucemonds want to image breakbones luke or whatever, go ahead, it's not taking anything from my pie. i just don't engage with that content. i may rant on my own account from time to time, but that's that. good point re: a lot of pushback lucemond is experiencing is bc fans are baffled this is THEE no1 hotd gay ship (justice for old man yaoi!!!) , but, as you've pointed out, it's just not worth going to war with them over it

the genderbending thing is something that regularly crops up with mlm pairings so it's something to be expected

*i can imagine him being obsessed with the person who maimed him, but lucemonds are so squeamish about producing horror content. the stuff i've seen in that regard mostly involved some version of aemond keeping luke as a literal sex slave (ofc), which was executed too cartoonishly for my tastes

anyway. not my circus, not my monkeys. ✌

#ask #anon #anti lucemond #a very comprehensive breakdown

[whathihello]

Responding to your post about asking for an explanation on why people dislike proship. I can't speak for anyone else, but the proshipping community has very grooming behavior. Things like proshippers going out of their way to interact or follow people who do NOT want to see it or are minors is exposing them to content that involves p-dophilia, and romanticizing it, that is grooming people. In the case that a proshipper sincerely respects the boundaries of others and does not interact with people who don't want to see it or follow people who do not want to see it then I respect them a whole lot more, but most proshippers prove to be entitled and expect other people to be ok with stuff that makes them extremely uncomfortable.

I feel like in a environment where it involves you, and other mature adults, engaging in this content in a healthy way that isn't easily accessible or exposable to others then fine. It is when you start involving minors and other people into this it becomes a problem. Many grooming victims are victims of proshippers.

When I used to be a proshipper I was under the assumption that, proship should be normalized eventually and just be part of the general internet public. It is so much more obvious to me now why this should NOT be the case and why people are so against it.

Cuz truth be told whether the content is fictional or not it IS a environment that is saying "p-dophilia is ok and normal". Even if it is referring to a fictional environment, it is STILL saying that it is ok. For people who are still minors this mindset is so incredibly dangerous. You might be able to differentiate between fiction and reality as an adult, but many minors won't realize how on a subconscious level it is effecting them in ways like how they interact with adults and what they allow adults to send and say to them.

I mean for the record, doesn't most proship content involve porn or suggest it? So to have a account that is teetering on NSFW content or is just straight up NSFW, yes, that is exposing minors to NSFW just by interacting with their blog and following them. This is grooming behavior.

And even if we take away minors from the picture, many people have legitimate reason to want to avoid this. Maybe it just grosses them out and makes them uncomfortable, that is entirely valid and it should be respected. But there are also people who have these things as triggers associated with traumatic events in their lives. Your right to engage in the content you want is no reason to overstep the boundaries of people who do genuinely feel pain and extreme fear from this content.

Like I will be honest I do think people get angry because it is genuinely triggering, it reminds them of something that happened to them and they are seeing people who are using that trauma they went through as entertainment and having no respect for what that trauma is. Proshippers tend to only care as far as how much it entertains them, they don't care about understanding this stuff in a in-depth or nuanced perspective because it would ruin their entertainment. I would hope you are aware of how, "It's just fiction. It's not a big deal. Grow up, it's sexy." is incredibly invalidating to people who went through that stuff.

I have complicated feelings on this since, I know many proshippers are proshippers due to being groomed in the first place. And/Or they are an abuse victim and in a very round about way, the content is validating their experiences by saying that yes this fucked up stuff is real. The content could be a coping mechanism to deal with other stuff in their life. Still though, engaging in proship is something I regret heavily. I didn't realize it was not normal because I was exposed to it so young. I didn't realize how heavily it effected how other people viewed me. I didn't realize that the proshippers I thought cared about me only cared about jacking off to stuff that brought me extreme pain, and when i'd approach them about it I was invalidated over and over and over.

For alot of proshippers, proship is just "harmless fictional content" and nothing more. For alot of people though, proship is "full of groomers who don't care if they expose nsfw and p-dophilia to minors and don't treat trauma with respect".

Yes, people are going to end up interacting with you aggressively if the community you are in is essentially associated with p-dos.

Idk how to end this off since I know nothing about you, but just because anti's tend to be quite aggressive doesn't mean that proshippers are the only group that'll accept you. I'm a exproshipper fully aware that if people knew about my past they may not want to interact with me and may even react aggressively. But it turns out there ARE people who are willing to accept you and talk to you if you do decide to stop engaging in proship content. I don't feel like people should be forced for the rest of their life to continue being proship because they were groomed once and now they feel like they have no other option. I'm just putting this out there of course, cuz there is a good chance you have no intention of doing this. Hope it explains things.

"for people who are still minors this mindset is extremely dangerous" Thats why it's in an 18+ space. It's their parents job to teach them about online safety and to not go into spaces meant for adults, not mine.

Most proshippers do not expect people to be comfortable with content depicting immoral acts. Being uncomfortable with it is fine. There are many things that I am not uncomfortable with. Doesn't mean that harassing people for it is justified.

I have no idea what someone having a NSFW blog and interacting with minors has to do with this. Yes that is wrong. That is disgusting and noone should do it, proship or not.

I personally love going in depth about immoral ships, and I know for a fact that other proshippers do too, cause otherwise there wouldnt be so many emotional and in depth fics about immoral ships. But theres nothing wrong with proshippers who only like immoral ships because they think its hot. I mean, I personally find the extremely raw and in depth fics where it shows how the characters are affected by their trauma to be hot, so even that has the potential to be fetish content, despite not being as shallow. It doesnt "ruin their entertainment" most people who enjoy content that depicts immoral stuff, even just for fetish purposes, find deep dives into it to enhance it.

Okay. I know people who are antishippers due to being groomed. Anecdotal evidence means little to nothing to me, sorry.

It is not our job to be your therapist. If someone getting off to "your" trauma makes you uncomfortable, then block them. Im gonna need more context about them "invalidating you". What exactly did you say? If you said something along the lines of "this makes me uncomfortable so stop making it" then they were completely justified in "invalidating you". But if you just told them to put a trigger warning on it or something similar then they were just an asshole. Nothing to do with being a proshipper.

"doesnt mean that proshippers are the only group who will accept you" What do you think proship means lmfao.

"Proship content" ooookay never mind you have no idea what youre talking about. get back to me when you learn the definition of proship. "Proship content" doesnt exist, unless its some kind of video campaigning to stop censorship.

"there is a good chance you had no intention of doing things" doing what ???

It explained absolutely nothing, sorry anon. Maybe try being less vague? I ignored some of the stuff in your ask because its all over the place and i didnt really know where to start. If you send another ask maybe try numbering it so i can respond to every statement one at a time.

#proship #anti censorship

[chipped-chimera]

So since the fates decided not to give me a idk ... big gay aunt to guide me along with my sexuality realisation, I'm kind of at a loss of what to do. I'm 30 and I went off the dating market back when meeting someone online to date was considered 'novel'. Idk how the fuck to use dating apps.

So I guess I'll throw this cry for help to you, people who follow my blog apparently, in the case you have some insight? More deets below the cut oh god help me

Okay so basically - I think I am (somewhat hesitantly) ready to start looking at dating apps. I've kind of hit a point in my self-work where I think I could actually handle rejection - which was the entire reason I was holding off in the first place. Because I know I have a lot of potential "deal breakers" to contend with, getting to this point was my bare minimum.

So aside from the obvious I-have-never-used-a-dating-app-in-my-life problem, I guess my other problems are the following:

Do I disclose I am disabled on my profile? My disability is technically 'invisible' and while I absolutely could go hang out with someone at a bar or whatever it WILL knock me out for like ... two days. Especially right now where I haven't really done any big social-ey shit in a while. Idk how else I can explain that I will absolutely still want to do things with someone, I just have the energy habits of a house cat (sure I don't say nap every day anymore but sometimes I really just gotta lie in the dark ... Yeah :C )

Disability also kind of explains all the other deal breaker shit. I won't go into that. Aside from the obvious 'money ain't great' and I cannot avoid interdependence. Like I am still recovering and hoping for the best but I don't know what the end of this shit looks like. I know there is going to be permanent damage. But I also am not gonna bench myself until I'm 'well' (also because I'm touch starved and THIRTY).

Ugh, photos. Due to disability reasons (see I told you it explains everything) my irl social circle died years ago because I could just not keep up and I've had the photographic record of a cryptid for the past ten years. So now I have to basically go TAKE photos and it feels very forced. But I'm also aware apps are really visual, so idk - ideas? Tips?

Is there some obvious Lesbian space I'm missing? Am I missing the lesbian bat signal? I've joined Facebook groups for my city but they're quiet and tend to be populated by much older people (did I mention I hate Facebook?) Also apparently queer scene is kinda sucky in my city at the moment because one of our two gay bars changed ownership and it may as well just be a regular bar now. For the moment I've just been hanging out on Reddits to feel somewhat connected but it doesn't really help my irl situation and lack of social anything.

Yeah I am not selling myself here but I'd rather be honest early on and make sure anyone who isn't cut out for it or emotionally mature enough to handle that I have baggage (well treated baggage!) Is filtered out. But I also feel like putting disability right on my profile could result in a knee jerk reaction which would prevent them from even trying to get to know me. Like I do feel I have some really appealing things about me that I'm happy about, and I do think offset the bad - I've just had a rough time of it.

Augh idk. I'm lonely. And very confused. Anyways any kind of advice or insight would be highly appreciated 🥺

#kerytalk #dating #universe pls bestow me Tumblr user gf tho #good GOD dont make me try to use insta or god forbid 'X' #seeking tumblr gf who likes vidsogames but also wouldn't mind being with a girl who has the energy flux of a literal cat #yeah I know chucking myself on an app would probably dispel some anxiety but I gotta take damn PHOTOS first

[leatherbookmark]

another thing is that like. s1 wasn't the most brilliant thing in the whole universe but it did have a slowly progressing community plot. in the first episode, the crew's plotting to kill stede off, in episode 3 jim says he's the worst captain ever, but by episode 9 they've all grown to like him at least a bit, and so they confirm that he absolutely is a real pirate, eligible to use the act of grace, and they even do the talk it through as a crew thing. very cute!

and then s2 just... kindasorta... does... nothing... with that? sure, the crews get separated, they earned some trauma, but it's a comedy series and surely they can get over it and be one crew together again, right? look, half of the crew stays with stede even though they could have just left him -- he has nothing to offer them, after all -- the other half misses the life on the old revenge, then everyone's working with stede to take the revenge back, they're coming back home! they unionize (lol) against stede in ep4 to banish ed because he makes them feel unsafe, then in ep5 to make stede get rid of that awful cursed suit! in ep6, they have a big fun party!

eeeeexcept the swede just leaves without a second thought, and after he's gone no one misses him. buttons gets roach going "did he really turn into a bird or did you kill him", but that's it, no one misses him either and no one really notices they've lost two crew members in a couple of days. when a character is absent because their actor is absent, no one really goes "hey, where's X?", no one really notices that, so we have not one but two annoying examples of "wow, i was doing X and i missed all this stuff!" (lucius+pete and fang). olu, jim and archie are totally up for leaving stede's crew to join zheng yi sao for... no reason whatsoever. i've seen meta that it's because they don't feel comfortable on the ship or don't trust ed anymore, or have enough of stede's 15 minutes of fame, but like, is it text that this is the reason why they're leaving, or just something you as a fan figured out because you actively tried to find an explanation? sure, the crew wasn't a big fan of ed's apology, but did anyone protest very much, aside from lucius? not really. no one tried to get him to leave, no one avoided him during the party, the animosity, if it was there, just wasn't shown.

and now, in episode 8, well. everyone knows what happened in episode 8.

i'm kinda laughing bitterly here, because i made a post about how what izzy's done to the crew wasn't that much worse than what the crew do to each other, and does it mean they're not a good crew and don't care about each other?, no!, it means we're in a workplace comedy and everyone's a bit of an asshole! except. except i was kind of right, because the crew just goes and falls apart and it's barely noticeable, like they weren't a crew in the first place. it's not even sad, it doesn't have a reason, they just scatter around -- whether it's an actor wanting out, or scheduling conflicts, or money issues, i don't know, or the writers needing something that would piss stede off enough to challenge zheng yi sao to a stupid duel. the reviews and reactions to ep 6 were all wow, so moving, so euphoric, a love letter to the queer community, and it's like, a what to what. where. i don't see anything.

i've no idea, maybe djenks really looked at this episode and thought oh yeah, this is a good save point before s3, if we get renewed we can work from here, if we don't it's still a nice ending, but it's literally not in both cases. if it's an ending, it sucks. if it's a middle point, i don't actually want a s3 because the community is not a thing, my favourite little guy was killed off in the stupidest way possible, and the mains got the ending that i thought would never happen since s1, because it's too easy, too utopian, and besides it was obvious that the inn thing was only ed's escapist fantasy and he needs to find himself and what he really wants just like stede. ha. haha. ha.

i don't really care about this show anymore in the form it is now is the thing.

#shrimp thoughts #ofmd spoilers #and they started off so nicely! ah well. another proof you can't expect nice things from life lmao #ps if anyone doesn't disagree w/ me here they can counter it in their own separate post because for obvious reasons #i don't really feel like arguing now! sorry

[dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night]

Tales of Iyuetse: The Enemy of My Enemy part two

Whumptember day 5. “What do you want me to do?”

TW: military, religion, old prejudices, mild misogyny, societal whump, referenced child labor, referenced teenage sex work, multiple whumpees, human whumpee, vampire whumpee, distant monarch whumper

"I've been assigned to show you around," Jaran said brightly.

He grinned at Marcus, not caring a lick about his terrifying fangs. Marcus was almost glad for the strong reminder of Jaran's nature. If it weren't for his razor sharp fangs, Marcus would have fallen for that smile in a heartbeat. Despite his faith, he fell into the sin of homosexuality far too often.

"We're nowhere near as organized as the actual military," Jaran continued, not noticing Marcus' discomfort. "But there are still rules that need to be followed."

"I'm good at following rules," Marcus said. "Don't step on the grass. Don't kill the vampires you're bunking with. Don't betray anyone to the enemy. Etcetera."

Jaran laughed sharply. "We don't care if you step on the grass. But it is best to avoid murder and treachery. Both will have your body skewered on a pike."

"Ugh…" Marcus fought down nausea at the horrifying mental image. "Do vampires really do that? I thought it was hearsay."

"It's less a matter of vampires generally doing that, and more that it's General Sabine's favorite method of execution. You should see some of the… forests we put up."

What a horrible thing to talk about. Fields of men skewered like meat on a spit, left to slowly die in the blazing hot sun. When had Marcus fallen in with such wicked compatriots? Even outside their actions, the very existence of his fellow revolutionists was an affront to God.

"What do you want me to do?" Marcus asked.

"Just follow me and I'll give you the tour."

Jaran turned heel and walked briskly down the dirt road. Marcus followed him around the small camp, taking stock of where they kept weapons and supplies. The whole place was an old ghost town, Jaran had enthusiastically explained, abandoned after the collapse of a nearby silver mine.

Despite the town's decrepit state, the revolutionists had made good use of the old homes and businesses. Many families of the revolutionists lived in the houses, filling them with life and spirit once again. Soldiers bunked in old general stores and banks, now filled with cots. Temporary tents were also set up for military use, as the few dozen buildings were filled to capacity.

"Does it bother you that we're standing above a massive silver deposit?" Marcus asked Jaran. "That doesn't sound very… safe."

"Better us than the enemy, I say."

This answer was as obvious as it was reasonable, and Marcus wondered if his question had come off as stupid. Well, it wasn't like any vampire was ever going to view a human as their equal. A little stupidity wouldn't hurt Jaran's already low opinions of him.

"Now that we're done with the grand tour, do you have any questions about our operation?" Jaran asked.

"Are all the families of soldiers living here in case the imperialists try to make examples out of them, or are we trying to train children to be soldiers?"

"Certainly not the latter." Jaran placed his hand over his heart. "As someone who has family here, including two young nephews, I can't stand the thought of them being put in danger. They're here so we can protect them."

"I didn't know vampires had families. I thought you couldn't reproduce."

Jaran scowled for a moment, before forcing a neutral expression on his face. "You're right. We can't, just another aspect of our condition. But luckily, my sister is still human. She was able to have children, unlike me."

Marcus understood that he had touched a nerve. In all his years spent hunting vampires, he had never once taken the notion that they might resent some aspects of their vampirism under consideration.

Now he saw how foolish that had been. And, if Jaran had a sister still living, he couldn't be that much older than he appeared. Frozen in time, never allowed the catharsis of aging.

"I'm sorry," Marcus said. "I didn't mean to be so rude."

Jaran waved him off. "Don't be. It isn't a big deal. Hey, why don't you come meet my family? I'm sure you'll like them. And you should start making friends. The more personal connections we all have with each other, the less likely it is for any of us to turn traitor."

Marcus didn't want to spend more time around Jaran than possible, but the idea of meeting other humans proved far too tempting. He needed to find others like them, even if they called vampires their kin.

"That sounds lovely, if I won't be a bother."

"Not at all." Jaran put his hand on Marcus' shoulder and led him towards the street of old homes where civilians were staying. "You know, I really like you."

"I- I don't think humans and vampires were ever supposed to be friends. But I'm glad you… care."

"Times are changing. If we win this fight, vampires and humans are going to be rubbing shoulders a lot more often. And even harpies, werewolves, merfolk, and who knows what else. I've been a vampire in a human family for a long time, and I'd like to be accepted in human society for a change. It can't be that different."

There were so many arguments Marcus wanted to make. How would Jaran get a blood supply after the war was over? Who would be willing to hire a vampire in the workforce? What human would want to see a vampire walking down the street beside them?

But he didn't say a word. Jaran had probably turned over the same doubts in his mind many a time before joining the revolution. There wasn't any point in Marcus rubbing salt in a wound. And who knew? Maybe God's plan really was to bring the different peoples of the world together, despite their differences.

"I hope you're right," Marcus said. "I really hope so. I want to raise kids in a world where they don't have to worry about going outside at night. And where I don't have to send them off to work in factories when they're only ten, just to keep everyone fed."

Jaran sighed. "You know, I was only fourteen when I… When I started sleeping with grown men and women, just trying to make sure my little sister got enough to eat. Please don't tell her. She thinks I got an odd hours job at a butcher shop."

Marcus didn't know how to respond. He kicked a small stone down the street, trying to keep tears at bay. Why did everyone have to get hurt so much? It was a child's question, but he couldn't help clinging to it like a drowning man clinging to driftwood. Nothing in life was fair, but what if they could fix that?

"I'm sorry," Marcus said, knowing how empty his words sounded. "I can see why you want to fight in this war. It isn't just about you or me, you know? It's about the kids."

"I'm glad you finally get that. I'm sorry to dump all that on you. I just wanted to say that I understood you. But there isn't any point in wallowing, we just need to win, even if we both die trying."

"You're right about that."

Marcus wanted to ask Jaran how he had gotten turned. What happened in his life to make him go from being a teenage prostitute to a vampire fighting in a revolution. But he was tired of being rude and nosy, asking too many stupid questions. They could have a nice night if he didn't run off at the mouth.

"Here's my sister's house," Jaran said.

He stopped in front of a house with two shattered windows. The walls were covered in peeling blue paint that complemented the parched yellow grass in an odd fashion.

Jaran opened the door a crack and hollered inside. "Jahda, I have a man over! You should get dressed!" He shut the door and turned to face Marcus. "Wait a minute. She's very modest."

"Of course." Marcus had no tolerance for harlots, so this was a relief to hear. He also appreciated how caring of a brother Jaran seemed to be in that regard. "I don't mind at all."

A woman, presumably Jahda, opened the creaking front door. Her pale pink niqab, covering all but her eyes and hands, gave context to Jaran's statement regarding her modesty. Marcus knew that most Christian men had no love for the women of Islam, but he saw them as servants of the same God.

True women belonging to the Good Lord were hard to find, and despite the differences between Christianity and Islam, Marcus respected all he met. He couldn't fathom how her relationship with her brother had remained so friendly after his corruption.

After all, vampires couldn't be Muslims anymore than they could be Christians. Even apart from their eternal spiritual separation from the light of God, both faiths had rules that were bound to be broken. Muslims being forbidden from drinking blood came sharply to mind.

Jaran smiled at Jahda, and Marcus could tell from her eyes that she too was smiling beneath her veil.

"Come in, please," she said, holding the door open for them both.

They both left their coats and shoes by the door, not wanting to rudely track dirt inside. The home opened up to a living area with several chairs and a sofa. A broom stood against one wall, having recently been in use.

Jaran scooped a brown cat up from the sofa so he could sit down, and she took it as an invitation to curl up on his lap. Marcus had always heard tale of animals being frightened by supernatural creatures, hissing and spitting in the presence of vampires. So her friendliness came as a pleasant surprise.

Marcus sat next to Jaran, annoyed by the need to touch him slightly from lack of space on the small sofa. Jahda took the rocking chair across from them, politely folding her hands on her lap.

"Jahda, this is Marcus, the new soldier I've been showing around town" Jaran said, scratching the cat behind her ears. "Marcus, this is my sister Jahda."

"It's a pleasure," Jahda said. "I'm afraid you just missed my husband and our sons. They won't be back until the morning."

"That's alright," Marcus said. "It's really nice to meet you."

"What brings you here?"

"Oh, Lieutenant Jaran- I mean, your brother invited me over." Marcus fidgeted nervously. "I just joined the militia, and he's trying to get me settled."

"Of course, he keeps inviting you soldiers into our home."

Marcus wondered whether he ought to apologize. Be couldn't tell from Jahda's tone whether his presence was intrusive and she was being passive aggressive, or if she was simply stating a fact about her brother and their life together.

Jaran's cat distracted Marcus from his anxiety by pawing at his leg. He gently stroked her fur, delighted to be in the company of such a lovely animal. She purred loudly, setting him at ease.

"My nephew Esam named her Cat," Jaran said. "Cat the cat. Eisun wanted to name her Kitten, but Esam was very particular about that fact that she needed a name she could keep as an adult cat."

Marcus chuckled. "Well, Cat is a very cute cat. How old are Esam and Eisun?"

"Esam is ten," Jahda said. "And Eisun is eight."

"Growing like weeds," Jaran joked. "Another inch every new moon, I'm sure."

Jahda cleared her throat, wanting to return to their prior subject. "So, Marcus, what made you want in on the revolution?"

Marcus wasn't sure if war was a proper topic to discuss with a lady, but he couldn't think of an excuse not to. He rubbed the back of his neck, then quickly stopped when he remembered the vampire sitting next to him, not wanting that kind of attention.

"My talents aren't in politics, they're in fighting. So, if I can't lobby a bill to make things a tiny bit more bearable, I may as well fight for the people who want to destroy the whole damn system."

"I can see why my brother likes you."

Marcus didn't like getting all buddy-buddy with a bloodsucking demon, but Jahda's words sounded like a compliment, so he accepted them.

"What did you do before?"

"Erm…" Marcus hesitated. "Vampire hunting mostly. Before that I was in the navy."

"War makes for strange bedfellows," Jahda said. "No wonder for that queer look on your face."

Marcus immediately tried to change his expression, and Jaran laughed.

"Sorry, I just-"

"The best of friends are always the unlikely ones," Jaran interrupted.

"Let me get you something to drink," Jahda offered. "It's chilly outside. Something warm would do you good."

Even at the mouth of Hell, there was hospitality and breaking of bread, from one person of faith to another. But surely they had all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, no matter which side of the war one chose to fight on. Whether to perform acts of evil or to permit them. Whether to throw a sinner to a pit of lions or risk them corrupting you in your attempt to save them.

"Some tea would be lovely, thank you."

Taglist: @hugh-lauries-bald-spot @whumpsday @whumpshaped @heavenlyeden @thecyrulik

#Abraham original: Hot off the press #Whump #Whumptember2023 #Whumptember day 5 #'What do you want me to do?' #Military whump #whump writing #Whump series #Human whumpee #Vampire whumpee #Religious whump #Christianity #Islam

[chocodollxren]

hello! can i order a number 15 honey lemon tea drabble with kalim, for the teahouse event?

also congrats on your milestone o(≧▽≦)o

-> 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙮𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙨 ,, 𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙪𝙥 ,, 𝙡𝙞𝙢𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩” ! ꒱·˚ ,, #O5.28.22🍵 ˖˚˳⊹ 'ּ໋݊◵

prompt 15: “before it’s too late, can we get married?” + Kalim Al-Asim

no tws, gn!reader, established relationship, time set a bit after the original plot.

“huh?!” you yelled on the phone as your parent tried to reason with you. your boyfriend, who also knew the gist of the conversation after you put it on speaker, tried to calm you down. “i’m not marrying someone i don’t know because of your dumb promise! tell your friend to find a different partner for their kid i’ve never met! i’m already taken.” you yelled, ready to throw the phone.

Kalim was definitely unhappy to hear your parent trying to tell you to at least meet up once, and how they’d planned your marriage since young. your parent was insisting on getting the two of you engaged after their friend returned from overseas traveling, and that you would make a great couple. you weren’t even given an opportunity to say who you were dating, nor that you were happy. your parent simply insisted that you had to meet them, they had engagement rings and all.

“no! and that’s final. ask me one more time and i’m never returning!” you yelled, hanging up and throwing your phone across the room, hearing it crack against the window. you could not listen to anyone who supported that idea right now. that may of been cute when you were a child but you’re not two. you had someone you loved.

your boyfriend looked awkwardly between you and the phone before quickly throwing his arms around you. “you aren’t going to leave me, right?” he asked as he finally broke down into tears. you two had been dating for over a year but your family always blew it off when you brought him up. he’d figured he did something wrong, as he once tried to say hello on the phone but your parent cut him off and said their goodbye. frustrated, you sigh and decide not to let them eat at you. “no, Kalim.” you embraced him back, running your fingers threw his hair.

“they’re being crazy thinking that making us engaged will convince me to meet with them. you’re the only one i love.” you said, cuddling into him as you both tried to think over the explosive conversation. they were being ridiculous, but it’s not like you could actually avoid them forever, you’d thought. but the second you return, you’d know as long as there was no ring on your finger, they would pressure you until you obliged regardless of you and Kalim being together.

you sat in silence as Kalim said he would do anything to help you. you really couldn’t help but smile at how amazing of a lover he was, and how understanding he could be. he didn’t blame you nor get mad at you, but rather chose to worry for you. “there’s not much we can do at the moment, other than hope they stop.”

he didn’t really like this answer, choosing to spend the night with you in case anything happened or you needed him. the next day, he told you he’d be back as soon as he figured something out, making you raise your brow. he gave you a kiss and ran to find Jamil, his hope. “Jamil!” he yelled, almost jumping on the poor boy as he groaned, not ready to deal with Kalim that early in the morning.

“wh,” Jamil tried to speak but Kalim had begun to ask for help. “what do i do?” he explained the situation regarding your parent, the planned engagement, and how they probably hated him. Jamil couldn’t deny he felt smug knowing not everyone liked him, but you were the only one who kept him away for a long period of time. “if they won’t give in, why not get married?”

although he pointed out the obvious, the lightbulb went off in Kalim’s head. the two of you were young, but you were the one he wanted to spend his life with. he was sure you’d also agree, even if this was a little rushed. he would do his best to give you whatever you wanted, and stop your family from pressuring you if they weren’t going to listen. “i’m going to ask my father for his blessing!” Kalim yelled and ran off, presumably to make a phone call. Jamil wanted to facepalm as he didn’t even ask you yet, but decided to just let things play out.

after a few days, you were worried if Kalim left you but decided to trust in him. a few hours after reading to distract yourself, you hear the door burst open so hard you would assume the hinges went flying. out of breath, Kalim was dressed in the finest attire he had, his magic carpet beside him. “please,” he wheezed, out of breath. “please, take a carpet ride with me.” you were obviously confused and concerned, but he took your hand and led you out, helping you onto the carpet. the two of you flew in the sky for a few minutes until you heard fireworks in a distance, all in your favorite color. finally, one by one they popped, will you marry me?” your eyes widened as he took your hand, staring at you as he opened a small box from his pocket.

“before it’s too late, can we get married?” he asked. you freeze and your mouth goes agape, hand over your mouth. you knew Kalim took things extreme but you didn’t expect this outcome. the longer you took, the more you saw doubt creep onto his face before you wrap your arms around his neck, giving him a kiss and extending your hand out. “Kalim…” you muttered as happy tears strolled down your face. your parent wouldn’t stop until you had a ring on your finger, and he decided to do exactly that, you were truly lucky to have a partner that would go that far for you.

slipping a ring on your finger, he kissed you again. “my parents have given us their blessing, so even if your’s don’t, they would be happy to be your parents!” he said cheerfully, your face fully flustered and tear struck due to the kindness of your soon to be husband. you couldn’t believe how your parent’s pressure ended up giving you the best future you could imagine.

✎ ˎˊ- "chocodollxren" [choco - doll - rhen] ˖˚˳⊹ 'ּ໋݊◵ dn repost.

thank you!! <33 hope you enjoy your order. this makes 7/32+ orders done! ended up rewriting the entire thing because didn’t like the entire draft so that’s a big thumbs up moment aha that’s why this was uploaded so late

#twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst drabble #twisted wonderland drabble #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #kalim al asim x reader #twst kalim al asim #twisted wonderland kalim #＃—;❝ 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘦𝘢 + 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘴 [🍵] ❞ #＃—; ❝ 𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘶𝘱 [🍵] ❞

[a-lonely-dunedain]

39 for ethedis?

39 Avoiding a conversation.

Isengard sure is the Situation that keeps on Situation-ing huh! even long after your characters have left and are Safe. (: Ethedis has decided that, no she would rather not process her trauma tonight, thank you very much.

She didn’t like to talk about it, about Isengard. 

None of them did, understandably, but her case was for slightly different reasons. 

It wasn’t because she had endured torments any more terrible, quite the opposite in fact, and that was the problem. Between Tossir and Lothrandir’s efforts to draw the ire of their captors –in true ranger fashion– Ethedis had gotten off lightly, compared to them at least. 

Which wasn’t saying much all things considered, but it was enough for some part of her deep down to think she had no right to complain. She didn’t have it as bad as them after all, it wouldn’t be worth troubling anyone over. It would be more selfish than anything.

Her friends’ concern was better spent elsewhere, she thought, though she still flinched when someone moved a little too quickly around her. It’s not worth the worry, she thinks, even as her mind still wanders to dark rooms and laughing uruks when she walks past a smithy and sees the red-hot iron and feels the heat of the forge.

But now, after the end of the war, she found that Corunir’s worry, once pulled in a million different directions, had precious little else to focus on besides a single point named ‘Ethedis’

Somehow, that just made her feel worse.

Corunir could tell plainly that her heart was troubled despite the end of the war, but always she would dismiss it as something mundane. Just being tired or something like that. She could tell he wasn’t buying it, but she still didn’t wish to tell him about it. The last thing he needs is to be burdened with such things, she thinks, as if her wellbeing is a burden.

Now she wanders aimlessly through the gardens of the upper city, stolen from their bed at some unholy hour by dreams she would rather not recall.

“Ethedis, are you feeling alright—?” Corunir almost startles her.

“Of course, never better!” She replies a little too quickly to be convincing, smile a little too wide to be genuine.

“I see…” the concern is evident on his face, guilt writhes in her stomach. “Just wondering why you happen to be up at such an odd hour then”

“I merely wished to enjoy the fresh night air” she assures cheerfully. It wasn’t really a lie, she found the starlight and cricket songs soothed her anxious mind, a little bit at least. But she had neglected to mention that part, even though she knew it’s what Corunir’s question was really getting at.

“Well, care if I join you then?” he moves to walk beside her.

“Oh, don’t let me keep you up-”

“Please, I insist” she’s not getting out of it that easily “I wouldn’t want to return to bed without you anyway.”

“…sorry to have woken you.” She wishes she hadn’t made so much noise fumbling around their room for her robe before she left.

“Think nothing of it. If I valued sleep over your wellbeing I would not be out here.” he says plainly.

“My wellbeing? I assure you everything is fine.” She insists. Lies, actually.

They stop near one of the fountains, its gentle music filling the silence as Corunir searches for the right words.

“If I may be so bold…” he eventually says “I think I have known you long enough to tell a genuine smile from one that is forced. And I have seen more of the former and less of the latter as of late. Something is troubling you, isn’t it?” His tone is gentle and not at all accusatory, yet somehow Ethedis still feels cornered.

Just her, Corunir, and the Mûmakil in the room she would rather not address.

“…is it that obvious?” she asks a little sheepishly

“Maybe not to everyone, but I’ve… developed an eye for such things, you might say. Is it one of your wounds again? We may want to have a healer take a look-”

She shakes her head “No no, it isn’t that. The healers have tended to them well, I hardly feel them anymore, and when I do it is quite manageable.” Almost a lie, technically the truth. It was indeed old wounds bothering her, but not of the physical sort and not from the Morannon.

“I’m just… worried about Tossdir, that’s all.” There was plenty of truth in that statement, though not the whole of it. It seemed enough to convince Corunir at least, and he gives her an understanding nod with a thoughtful hum. 

Tossdir wasn’t in the city anymore, as he had escaped serious injury in the Morannon and grew restless knowing some foes may still lurk in the corners of Dagorlad and Ithilien. As far as Ethedis and Corunir knew, he was still there with Faeron, helping the Rangers of Ithilien rout out what scattered foes lingered in their lands.

“I’m worried too, but it will do him no good for us to lose sleep over it. He’s not out there alone after all, he will have plenty of capable friends there to watch out for him.” He puts a comforting arm around her shoulder, Ethedis just breathes a small sigh of relief for the fact that he’s no longer asking well-intentioned questions she doesn't know how to answer. She leans into him a little bit. “And besides, it’s not as if he’s actually gone to Mordor. Just… a little too close to it for comfort.” He seemed to be speaking to reassure himself just as much as Ethedis. “But he will be fine, I am sure of it.”

“Hmm, you’re probably right...” Ethedis just stands there under his arm for a little bit, wishing she felt brave enough to be honest with him.

But what good would it do either of them if he knew? some part of her thought it might feel better to talk about it, but was it worth it? Worth burdening Corunir with the memories that tormented her so? the beatings and the fire and the torture- No, no it wasn't worth it. She should keep that to herself, she survived it after all, she will be fine. She has to be.

"Well! we should probably head back now." she announces rather abruptly before pulling away. Corunir looks a little taken aback, but follows her back to the guest-house.

"Of course... just, if there's anything else-" "I will tell you, don't worry."

#I'm so slow at this aaaa #guess I can't get faster if I don't practice #I will be chipping away at these. slowly and sporadically but still #Taz's foray into writing #<- remembering to use that tag for once #lotro #Corunir #lotro oc #Ethedis #also yes Tossdir didn't tell them he was joining the Conquest of Gorgoroth lol #he didn't lie intentionally! when he left he wasn't planning to go to Mordor! #his plans just. uh. changed #when he learned his bestie Faeron was going he was like 'you're putting yourself in danger? WITHOUT ME????' #and did not think to send a message back to Corunir and Ethe before committing oops #brawlers do not think far ahead