#inspector m was looking sexy as fuck
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10 BL Boys I Want Carnally
shitfuck i forgot i was tagged in this too, thank you so much @williamrikers !
10) Jim Jaruek {Moonlight Chicken}
It's no secret I love the "older" men of BL - I am the old man connoisseur after all - and Jim is no exception. Whoof.
9) Arm {Kinnporsche}
Bas is beautiful and I have a competency kink, okay? Arm is everything to me.
8) Fan Ze Rui {Kiseki: Dear to Me}
Chen Yi and Ai Di may have been my favored couple from Kiseki: Dear to Me but I also have fucking eyes and the way he climbed in Zong Yi's lap plays on a loop in my head.
7) Chen Dong Yang {Kiseki: Dear to Me}
Listen, I don't wanna talk about it. I see old man, I wanna fuck that old man, okay? Let's just say I understand what Chen Yi was about.
6) Chan {Kinnporsche}
Some of you are probably following me from my Kinnporsche brainrot days. Yes, I am still a Daddy Chan fucker to my core.
5) Fluke Gawin {Anything BUT Not Me}
I'm so sorry Fluke, you are sooo so sexy but I do not fuck cops (there is one exception.) Pisaeng and Saifa could get it though.
4) Bunnakit Songsakdina {Manner of Death}
This smug little shit. This absolute cheeky bastard. I adore him, your honor. (My competency kink rises once again.)
3) Inspector M {Manner of Death}
I am a simple man, I see Great Sapol and I lose my mind. To say I'm excited for Wandee Goodday is an understatement. Inspector M could get it on looks alone, but risking his life to stop the corruption in his precinct? We love a man with morals. The only cop allowed.
2) Chef Guy {Bake Me Please}
Using one of my gifs for this because I didn't like any of the pictures on Google (or they were gifs from moots lol.) Peach and I are built so different because I would have been in Chef Guy's arms from day one. If any man looked at me like this and whispered my name? Fuck all the way off, I'm done. What do you want gorgeous, just say the word. (Do you think if I ask really nicely he'll let me kiss every one of his beauty marks?)
1) Papang Phromphiriya {Anything}
I don't need to say anything. You all know. I want him to squish me like a bug. I want to kiss him with blood on his teeth. I want to kiss his scar so bad. I'd live in a garage with him and raise our rowdy activist kids.
no pressure tags, sorry if you've been tagged! @kennyomegasweave @poomphuripan @sndrys @callipigio @first-kanaphan @sparklyeyedhimbo @porschesbabydaddy
#tag game#papang phromphiriya#poom phuripan#great sapol#fluke gawin#tul pakorn#peter knight#liang che#hsu kai#bas asavapatr#earth pirapat#moonlight chicken#kinnporsche#kiseki: dear to me#manner of death#not me the series#bake me please#be my favorite#enchante
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RANDOM THOUGHTS: Manner of Death ep. 7 (rewatch)
(These are my random thoughts from my rewatch on the 31st of March - 1st of April 2024)
Since my rewatches may contain spoilers, I’m putting my random thoughts after the “Read More” link.
I’ve finally arrived at the 7th episode, which I remember vividly for horny obvious reasons. I’m also looking forward to some more of Tan and Bun’s secret investigation and sneaking around at night. And, the cactus. The cactus is making a stellar comeback in this episode!
That punch Pued got from Tan was well-deserved.
The things Jane had to go through because she loved Pued and wanted to help him fulfill his career dreams…
These police officers are fucking useless.
Tan seeing the real reason That is helping Sorn is always going to be funny to me. That is trying to brush it over, but Tan knows better.
Oh, no, Tan. Step away from the stove!
Honestly, I don’t know if Tan is worried that Bun is too smart and is on the verge of figuring out his true identity, or if he hates lying to the guy he’s (basically) in love with.
Shirtless Tan!
And then the watch! Put two and two together Bun.
Shirtless Inspector M!
Btw, what a stupid-ass inspector keeping such valuable evidence out in his car and not inside.
And now that Tan and Bun are high on adrenaline, they can just keep going. And they do.
Yes, let’s ignore the evidence you’ve just collected and get it on. I approve!
This scene is one of the few sex scenes in QLs that get me every time. Because they’re kissing, not just kissing. I mean, just listen to the sucking… They’re touching, not just touching. Just look at the way Tan fists his hands in Bun’s hair. They look at each other like they’re starving. Not just one of them. Both of them. It’s passionate, sensual, and sexy at the same time. And not to mention the dim lighting that sets the mood. I love it.
And then there’s the cactus cutting in and out of the scene and getting some time back in the limelight. The things that cactus has seen (and heard).
Bun: “Still haven’t had enough?” Tan: “It’s not morning yet.”
Of course she wants to know what Bun knows, it’s the only way for her to know how close they are to busting her ass.
Obviously, I don’t want Tan and Bun to fight. But, Bun is so hot aiming a gun at Tan. I have to acknowledge that.
Sorn and That are so annoyingly adorable. I love them.
Another great episode with lots of great chemistry between Tan and Bun (which I’m living for). The cactus played an important role and I got some That and Sorn crumbs. So, I’m happy.
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Not Dr. Bun(n) being an OG ready to take a real bullet to fake his own demise.
We stan.
#dr. bun#dr. bunn#bun#bunn#tul pakorn#manner of death#manner of death the series#MoD#manner of death spoilers#gotta say I thought they would use rubber bullets#but vests are smart too#inspector m was looking sexy as fuck
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Long, Slow Kisses - Inspector Cavill 5
Guess who's back again? It's Inspector Cavill and his girlfriend! I thought you might enjoy another smutty chapter of their lovestory. (You can find the Inspector Cavill series, parts 1 - 4 on my masterlist.)
I got inspired by the song "Long, Slow Kisses" by Jeff Bates (see end of post for spotify link). I used quotes from the lyrics in the fic, they are written in italics.
Pairing: Henry Cavill x female reader, y/n
Warnings: RPF but AU (Henry Cavill is an inspector at Scotland Yard), song fic (kinda), fluff, smut, sex, oral sex (m and f receiving), deep throat, unprotected sex, 18+, NSFW
Unbeta'ed! English is not my mother tongue!
Credits: I know nothing about Henry Cavill, this is pure fiction. Pics for the moodboard are from Pinterest.
Taglist: (let me know if you want to be added or removed) @hell1129-blog @lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @mis-lil-red @willkatfanfromasia @omgkatinka @summersong69 @agniavateira @legendarywizarddetective @taebfada @xxxkatxo @kebabgirl67 @artandotherdelights
Summary:
Imagine...You and Inspector Cavill are a couple. It's been two years now and somehow everyday life has pushed romance and passion back a little. The same old treadmill day after day has damped down the fire of being newly in love. The spark is still there but in the last months it had been buried under a lot of work and all kinds of duties.
~~~~
It was Saturday morning and Henry had to go to the office again for paperwork though he had promised he would spend the day with his girlfriend y/n.
"Really, Henry? Again? You promised it. You're not working on a case, why do you have to go?"
"Darling, I'm really sorry but I have to do my paperwork. You saw the pile on my desk yesterday. It's growing taller than me, I will never be able to work through it without some extra hours." He gave her an apologetic smile.
"You promised it, Hen." She repeated with sad eyes. The disappointment in her voice was killing him.
"We'll just take a rain check on this. We can go to the park and have the picnic tomorrow, okay?"
Henry kissed her on the cheek before asking her again. "Okay, princess?"
She rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Do I have a choice?"
Henry smiled and grabbed his jacket before opening the door. "Thanks, y/n. Love you." He was already on the steps in front of the house when he heard her.
"You know, Henry. Sometimes I feel like I'm not the most important thing in your life anymore." Her soft words were followed by a deep sigh and she closed the door before Henry was able to give her an answer.
All the way to work Henry just couldn't stop thinking about her words. It broke his heart to hear her say them because she definitely was the most important thing in his life. She was now and she was always going to be. He loved her more than words could express but obviously she doubted that. He was almost at the headquarter when he made a u-turn and headed back home.
She was in the kitchen, doing the dishes, when she heard the key turn in the lock of the front door.
"Henry? Is that you?" Y/n dried her hands with a towel and went to the hall where Henry stood with a lopsided smile on his pretty lips. "What's wrong, Darling? Are you sick?" She asked him.
"Naw, I ain't sick, it's just this morning, when you told me, you didn't feel like you were the most important thing in my life anymore, well that broke my heart. So, I had to turn around and come back and tell you what I'm gonna do about it."
She looked at him with a frown, confusion written all over her face. When Henry gave her a wink she stepped closer and placed her hands on his chest. She looked him in the eyes with a smile.
"That's so sweet, honey. And so surprising, but I'm curious now...what are you gonna do about it?" She returned the wink.
He cupped her face with his big hands and gave her a quick, tender kiss.
"I'm gonna light the bedroom candles, take the phone out of the wall. We can lay around and talk for hours or maybe we won't talk at all. I'm gonna resurrect the love that slipped away from us and the man you've been missin', startin' with some long, slow kisses."
She took a deep breath and smirked, biting her lip.
"Well, that sounds promising. So what are you waiting for."
Henry chuckled and pulled her close. Long, slow kisses followed, just like he'd promised. Y/n almost melted in his arms, it just felt so good, so hot, so sensual. Henry deepened the kiss and she got all wet just by the way he let his tongue roam around in her mouth. Henry's hands were all over her body, stroking her ass and her breasts which made her moan.
Hearing her desire turned him on so much he shortly considered taking her right there in the hall but he remembered his promise. He pulled away, out of breath, his eyes dark with lust.
"You like that, baby?" He looked at her with a lewd smile.
"You know I do."
"Then let's continue upstairs."
And before y/n knew what was happening he had swept her off her feet and thrown her over his shoulder.
"Henry?" she shrieked. "Put me down, I'm too heavy!"
"Don't be silly, hon." He laughed and took the stairs to the first floor so easily as if she was light as a feather. His strength never ceased to amaze her.
He put her down in front of their bedroom and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Just gimme a second, okay? Oh, and throw this away." He gave her his mobile. "Not literally of course."
"Sure." She grinned and Henry went to the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Y/N looked around and decided to hide the phone inside the laundry closet between the towels.
Just when she was done the door flew open and Henry made an inviting gesture. "Come in."
The room was bathed in dimness, only lit by her bedside lamp. Henry had thrown one of her light summer shawls over it, a crimson red one, and so the illumination created an illusion of sundown. Some candles were flickering on the window ledge making the romantic atmosphere perfect. Henry was standing beside the bed smiling at her with a hint of shyness. He usually wasn't a man of great gestures and he seemed to be unsure if y/n liked the scenario he'd created.
"Darling." She whispered amazed. "This is wonderful."
"So you like it?"
"Of course." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "It's so romantic."
"I was hoping you'd say that. I think we've neglected this part of our relationship a little in the last months."
"That's true." She sighed, sounding a little sad.
"I'm gonna make it up to you today, my love."
She gave him an encouraging nod and Henry continued with telling her what he had on his mind.
"I just want to let you know how ashamed I am for making you feel that way Darlin', I'm so sorry. I guess I've just been spendin' too much on making a living and way too little on making love. But if you can just find it in your heart to forgive me, girl, I swear from this moment on you'll always know where you stand with me. 'Cause what really matters most is you and me this close, feeling no distance, sharing some long, slow kisses"
Y/n looked at him with wide eyes and it was obvious that she was touched by his words.
"Oh my god, Henry. This is the sweetest I've ever heard. But it's not all your fault, we've both been so busy lately…"
"I know, but today it's my turn to show you how much I still care about you. How much you mean to me. And I don't just want to fuck you, I'm going to make love to you, alright? Will you let me love you, princess?"
"I'm all yours, Buzz." He smirked when he heard the nickname and pulled her close. They kissed again and it was the most sensual foreplay - slow, erotic, sexy.
"Let me undress you." Henry's voice was smooth and soft. He took a step away and started to unbutton her shirt. She wanted to help him but he grabbed her wrists gently.
"No, babe. Let me take care of you. All you have to do is to relax and to enjoy this."
She looked him in the eyes and nodded.
Henry slowly stripped off every single piece of clothing from her body until she was completely naked. He admired her body, smiling at her. "Sometimes I forget how very beautiful you are, darling." She returned his smile and batted her eye lashes suddenly a little self-conscious.
"Lay down." He patted on the mattress and y/n stretched out her body on the bed. She enjoyed watching Henry stripping off his clothes too and when he was naked he laid down beside her. A shiver ran through her body and Henry looked at her with a worried frown. "Are you cold, love?"
"No, darling, just shaking with anticipation."
"Good." He grinned and placed a sweet little kiss on her shoulder. "Why don't you close your eyes."
"Okay."
From this moment on all she could do was feel. She felt Henry's mouth on her lips and after a while he started to kiss every part of her body. Her neck, where he concentrated on the sensitive spot behind her ear which made her moan, her collarbone and her shoulders. He stroked her tits tenderly, kissing the tender flesh, licking and sucking her hard nipples.
"Oohhh…." She let out a deep sigh, her breath was going fast already. Henry continued to take care of her breasts, kneading them with his strong hands, just like he knew y/n liked it best.
She whimpered when his mouth left her nipple but when she felt his soft lips showering her belly with hot kisses she uttered a sexy groan, showing him how much she enjoyed his actions.
Henry climbed between her legs, spreading them wide enough to fit in with his body. He was kissing her lower abdomen now, his hands reaching out for her tits, giving them a quick little squeeze before he placed his hands on her thighs. He stroked her legs slowly, kissing her right above her pubic area.
"God...Henry…this is torture…" She was a panting mess already and Henry was so hard it almost hurt. "Do you want me to stop?" He whispered against her pussy, blowing softly against her clit.
"No. Please...don't stop."
Henry kissed her sweet spot before he licked through her folds a few times. "I love your juices. You taste so sweet, so pure, like dew, like nectar...and you are so damn wet, my love."
He straightened up to take a look at her and to give his dick a few strokes. A moan escaped his lips and y/n opened her eyes. She stared at his massive manhood with hungry eyes, licking her lips. "Stuff my mouth with this big cock, baby. I need to taste you."
Henry let out a growl full of arousal. "You want it down your throat?"
"Yes." Y/n moved her body and let her head hang down from the edge of the bed. It was her favorite position for deep throat, perfect for taking his length all the way down. Henry climbed off the bed and stood in front of her. His heavy cock was hovering over her head. He took it in his hands, giving it another few strokes and then he penetrated her mouth slowly, carefully.
They had done this before many times and he knew exactly what he was doing. Y/n loved having him balls deep in her mouth but she liked it slow, not rough. He never mouth fucked her, there was no need to. The way her throat closed tightly around the his dick, the feeling of her tongue pressing against his shaft, licking him, was enough to make him so incredibly horny, sometimes it even was enough to push him over the edge. But he didn't want to come in her throat today. He looked at her, how she sucked on him, playing with her own nipples and he started to move slowly, thrusting his hips carefully with tiny motions a few times. Y/n groaned, grabbing him by his thighs, obviously enjoying this.
He wanted to take her so badly, wanted to drag her down from the bed, take her in his arms, shove her against the wall and rail her into oblivion, her legs wrapped around his waist, her back pressed against the rough surface but he wanted to stand by his promise. Today he wouldn't simply fuck her, he would love her, show his affection. He pulled his cock out of her mouth slowly and climbed back on the bed.
"I need you inside of me, Henry. I need to feel you close." Y/n begged in a dark, needy voice.
He was back between her legs in an instant and kissed her before he let his dick glide into her wet, hot pussy. He took his time, letting her feel every inch. When he was completely inside of her they moaned and moved in unison for a pretty long time, their motions slow and intense, giving them the feeling of intimacy and total closeness. This was love making, this was passion, this was devotion. They looked each other in the eyes for the entire time, whispering sweet words, exchanging soft moans and little smiles. After a while Henry grabbed her ass and pulled her on his thighs to penetrate her even deeper. She lifted her hips eagerly and while he started to thrust, shoving his cock deep inside of her, she started to stimulate her clit simultaneously. It was such a turn on for Henry to watch her pleasure herself, he picked up speed, desperately wanting to fill her tight cunt with his cum.
Her moans turned into shrieks, his groans into animalistic grunts. They were rocking their hips, panting breathlessly, their bodies glistening with sweat.
"I'm close baby." Her voice was hoarse.
"Then come for me princess...come...."
"Fuck." Her pussy clenched around him and she cried out loud, enjoying her orgasm, rocking her hips, her legs shivering.
"Y/n…." Henry grabbed her hips and now he allowed himself to fuck her. He went fast, took her deep and hard before he came too. As usual he let out a long husky sigh, throwing back his head, thrusting his hips till his climax was over.
He pulled out slowly, plopped down beside her and took her in his strong arms.
"I love you." She whispered.
"I love you too, princess. More than anything in the world."
"I know, Henry." She turned to him and kissed him tenderly. "And if I ever doubt it again, just show me...like you did today."
#Spotify#henry cavill#cavillry#henry cavill fandom#henry cavill fanfic#henry cavill smut#henry cavill x reader#inspector cavill
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Mod ep 13 lesgooo
That was sooo cute!!!! Rung and Jane being sweet sisters 🥺
No wonder Rung killed Pued for hurting Jane!!!
Son of a birch Rung is. With themabismwnf the fuck????
No inspector m don't die!!! I finally got the chance to be able to thirst over you without the lingering guilt. Of you being a police officer
"I admire you" Then don't fucking kill him!!!!
Yeah he's definitely not the smartest. Of the bunch
Son of a bitch!!! Not my kids!!!!!
Not my inspector M
Who shot the man???.
Por you old man, you really came through!!!!
Oat my baby yasss rescue your man's !!!!!!
That glare by oat like yasss. No one touches your sexy. Police. Officer.
Condoms..... Pued..... So. He followed safe sex practices in his own life but did that his wife... Fuck him.
That scene... That fucking cut scene... Rung yo what the fuck?
Can't believe I am. Saying this... Pued is better than Rung... Not good but better than her. Atleast. He fucking looks guilty.
Fucking cunt
If I hear one person say I love you to Jane especially Rung I will kill her.
Don't fucking touch her.
Fuckinf hell
Fucking emotional manipulation
Jane....
Fuck I am crying so bad right now
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The Definitive Ranking of Richard Armitage’s Acting Roles, Rated Exclusively by How Hot I Find Him In Screengrabs
Richard Armitage. As a diehard Thorin Oakenshield fan I certainly have a complicated relationship with him, mainly because I can never decide if I find him inherently hot or not. On the one hand, I’m a hardcore Thorinfucker. On the other hand my gay ass sees a headshot of Mr. Armitage and I’m just like, “Oh, no thank you.” So in order to set myself to rights, I have gone through Mr. Armitage’s IMDB and done a definitive ranking of all his 44 screen roles on there, based completely and arbitrarily on how hot I find him in screenshots. (Thank you to all the hardcore Armitage Fuckers who keep wordpress blogs with screengrabs of his various cameos and bit parts; my respect for you cannot be put into words.) I haven’t seen like 90% of these properties, and I didn’t bother to research them, so these are mainly just gut first impressions. I hope this helps anyone else out there who as confused by him as I am. Enjoy ?
44. Father Quart in The Seville Communion/The Man From Rome (2020) — ??/10
I don’t think this movie is out yet? Idk I haven’t been able to find any stills of him, let alone much information about the movie itself. It’s listed on his IMDB though! And apparently he’s playing a priest...which could be extremely 👁️👁️ if done correctly.
43. Unnamed Naboo Fighter Pilot in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999) — 1/10
OH SWEETIE NO!!!!! This physically pains me to say this, because I unironically love this terrible movie with my whole heart, but unlike a yung Kiera Knightley’s role (pictured front and center) as Padmé’s loyal body double Sabé, this is probably a cameo that we would all like to forget about. The only thing Richard has to offer is this unfortunate turtle-faced realness. This helmet does him no favors.
42. Man in Pub in Boon (1992) — 2/10
As far as I know this is Richard’s first acting credit on IMDB, and he for sure is working the background extra energy. Go on girl give us nothing! He does have a decent backside though, and it’s better than looking at unfortunate turtle face, so I give this one a 2.
41. Paul Andrews in Between the Sheets (2003) — 2/10
I can’t really articulate why, but I absolutely despise every screenshot I see of Richard Armitage in this role. He is completely unhot, and not even in a way I can laugh at. He takes no advantage of his assets, he has no charisma, no magnetism, no nothing. This is Richard Armitage at his most white bread rando, in a way that makes me actively dislike him. Pbbbbttth. Bad. Throw this whole thing away.
40. Craig Parker in Casualty (2001) — 2/10
I don’t know, it’s like the perfect storm of the gelled 2001 hair, the terrible quarter? eighth? zip sweater, and overall, er, skeezy vibes that he gives off that makes him particularly unhot in this role. Perhaps not as reprehensible as Unhot Paul, but still. I think the sheer boringness of this has to count for something. Blech.
39. Dr. Tom Steele in Doctors (2001) — 2.5/10
He honestly looks like a villain in an early season of Alias, which... well. Quentin Tarantino was cast as a bit-part villain in Alias season one, so take that as you will. But at least he’s compelling here, which is why he gets half a point over Unhot Paul.
38. Steven in Frozen (2005) — 3/10
Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends! Also short haircuts do nothing for you, Richard. Styled like this, they just serve to make you look sort of like a sleaze.
37. Peter Macduff in ShakespeaRe-Told (2005) — 3/10
He honestly looks like he could be a guest star in Friends in this one, where he’s a guy named Jason who Ross meets in Central Perk where they find they have a lot in common. Ross introduces Jason to Monica and they really hit it off, but it all comes crashing down because while Jason is sensitive and writes poetry, he also thinks that the Earth is flat. The rest of the episode is trying to get rid of Jason while he becomes increasingly obsessed with Monica, and Ross cannot quite let go trying to prove to Jason that the world is round. Anyway. Macduff Flat Earth Jason isn’t quite as unhot as Unhot Paul, but he’s pretty much on the same level as Tired Steven.
36. Phillip Durrant in Marple (2007) — 3/10
Something about him in this image really makes me want to punch him in the face. It’s huge Peter Parker in Spider-Man 3 energy.
35. Young Claude Monet in The Impressionists (2006) — 3.5/10
I’M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND IS !!! CARNIVAL BARKER !!!!! STEP RIGHT UP TO SEE THE WORST GOATEE IN HISTORY !!! I was actually going to give Yung Claude a 2 but the more I look at this terrible beard the more impressed I am with the boldness of this look, so I had to bump it up to 3.5. Idk. Just look at this. It’s incredible, especially knowing what kind of beard Armitage can grow himself !!!!!!!!
34. Heinz Kruger in Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) — 3.5/10
This is definitely the best looking he’s been so far in this list, but he’s a Nazi in this one, which makes him unsexy on principle. But do I feel a little something when he gets pinned to the ground by jacked Chris Evans with the above look on his face right before he swallows his cyanide pill? Can neither confirm nor deny. They are also truly playing into his inherently sinister bone structure, so I can respect that.
33. Percy Courtney in Miss Marie Lloyd (2007) — 4/10
Even including Yung Claude and Nazi Heinz, I think Nothing Percy is probably the weakest of Richard’s period looks, mostly because he looks like, well, nothing. He certainly doesn’t pull off that top hat like he does in North and South, and the secret to that might be the lack of sideburns. In this one he just sort of reminds me of the asshole fiance in Titanic.
32. Philip Turner in The Inspector Lynley Mysteries (2005) — 4/10
He’s really giving off bargain bin Hugh Jackman as Wolverine vibes here, if Logan’s energy was more “murderer in a Hallmark channel mystery” than “superhero.” Though, given what sort of show this is, that may be the point! Idk, this isn’t the worst. At least he has a decent haircut in this one. Still, I feel absolutely nothing when I look at him. He’s simply royalty-free stock music given human form.
31. Dr. Alec Track in The Golden Hour (2005) — 4.5/10
I could see how this conceivably be sexy in this role, but to be honest, he’s still nothing to me, sorry. He gets some extra points because he obviously worked out for this role and the hard nips through a white undershirt is a commendable look. I whole-heartedly respect Doctor Alec’s thottitude.
30. Daryl in Staged (1999) — 4.5/10
Speaking of thottitude!!!!! This is one cream-faced business boy that I can certainly get into! He looks like the love interest in a pre-Hayes code homoerotic thriller from the early 1930s. I’m sure that’s just because of the lighting and general staging of this production, but hm... demure. Love it.
29. Capt. Ian Macalwain in Ultimate Force (2003) — 4.5/10
Well, he looks like a character from M*A*S*H but with no charisma, or like an extra in The Great Escape who snitches on Steve McQueen to the Nazis. Also in half the pictures I find of him from this he’s wearing this terrible beret, which I know he can pull off because of a role that ranks much higher on this list. Whoever styles this man really needs to pay attention to what sort of headgear they put on him.
28. Epiphanes in Cleopatra (1999) — 5/10
Speaking of headgear, you know what?? He doesn’t look awful here. A solid 5, perfectly acceptable. I think the helmet does a lot to accentuate the sharpness of his face in this extremely bit part, though the eyeliner definitely also helps as well.
27. John Mulligan in Moving On (2009) — 5/10
Mr. Armitage’s characters can really have potential when a production’s stylist allows him to wear scruff (IN A WAY THAT LOOKS NATURAL, LOOKING AT YOU YUNG CLAUDE). However, as it is with John Mulligan in Moving On here, he just sort of looks like a rando? They’re not playing into the inherent angularity of his face, which for me makes it sort of confusing regarding what sort of emotion I’m supposed to feel while looking at him. As it is, I’m just like, “Yup, that sure is a regular human man, right there.”
26. Smug Man at Party in This Year’s Love (1999) — 5/10
This is the face of a man who less smug and is more DRUNK OUT OF HIS MIND !!!! Idk. He’s cute here, I’ll admit. That’s all I have to say about it.
25. John Standring in Sparkhouse (2002) — 5.5/10
I enjoy the bold choice of giving him wavy hair in this one, but I’m not sure he quite pulls it off. It doesn’t look bad, per se, just... he looks completely nonthreatening. Which I guess could be someone’s thing, but not mine. He honestly looks like a knock-off Will Graham, sans dogs and trauma.
24. Gary in Into the Storm (2014) — 5.5/10
I think the thing that really gets me is that this character’s name is Gary. Who on God’s green Earth looks at Richard Armitage and goes, “Ah yes, you do look like a Gary” ??? I don’t think I know of a single non-American Gary, especially since the name Gary only got popularized after Gary Cooper renamed himself after his hometown of Gary, Indiana!!!! It wasn’t really a name for human men before that!!!! I want to live in the alternate universe where Frank Cooper was originally from Albuquerque and named himself Albuquerque Cooper and this character is named as such. Gary. Really.
23. King Oleron in Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016) — 5.5/10
I truly hate how much his facial expressions in these stills remind me of Thorin, considering how bad he looks otherwise. Like his face his fine, I guess, especially since this is the first instance of his full beard. I’m charmed despite myself! Take me to wonderland, O King.
22. Adam Price in The Stranger (2020) — 5.5/10
For as compelling as people call this series, Richard here isn’t very much so imo. But despite my utter lack of interest, he doesn’t look bad per se. He just sort of has that stubbly white man blandness that colors a lot of his more recent roles. Like, at least his bad mid-2000′s styling had character. This is just the visual representation of a vague handwave.
21. Harry Kennedy in The Vicar of Dibley (2006) — 6/10
Gosh... floppy hair, cute sweaters... he also seems to be smiling a lot in this one, which is nice! The only thing I have to complain about is that he looks very much like if Bradley Cooper and Hugh Jackman circa Kate and Leopold had a baby, which may not necessarily be too much of a bad thing, but I can’t unsee it.
20. Sgt. John Porter in Strike Back (2010) — 6/10
Ah, back to poorly suited haircuts. At least he’s a little bit gritter and grimier than we’ve seen so far, and I will say Richard Armitage does look good covered in dirt, as we will see later on. Also he’s got biceps in this one, which, hell yeah.
19. Ricky Deeming in Inspector George Gently (2007) — 6/10
I’M HAVING THE HARDEST TIME RIGHT NOW RANKING THIS ONE BC OF THIS INCREDIBLE LITTLE WHITE SCARF-RIDING LEATHERS COMBO!!! WHICH ABSOLUTE GENIUS DECIDED THIS!!!! EVERY SCREENSHOT OF HIM IN HIS EPISODE HAS THIS!!! Part of me just wants to give Stylish Ricky a big fat 10 because I’m gay and adore the sheer audacity of this look, but I still have to be fair and rank his overall aura accordingly. I think he’s a handsome extremely gay-coded motorcycle lad in this one, but he doesn’t exactly rev my engine, so to speak.
18. Lucas North in Spooks (2008) — 6/10
The tattoos really spice this one up. Luke could have been plagued by the problems inherent in Regular Mulligan’s Moving On styling, but this guy has an edge to him. He has a good haircut and 5′ o’clock shadow, which is something I’ve figured out is integral to Armitage Hotness. I feel like if I got to know this character I could possibly find him sexy.
17. Raymond de Merville in Pilgrimage (2017) — 6.5/10
Speaking of bad haircuts, this one is his undoing. This is almost the perfect balance between full beard and short haircut, which is the only way a short haircut works on this man, but they ruined it with this one! They gave him a bad bowl fade, which completely undoes any inherent sexiness that comes with being a knight. Not even the fact that he’s covered in dirt can turn me on at this point, ugh. Guy of Gisbourne he is not!!!
16. Tom Calahan in Brain on Fire (2016) — 6.5/10
Oh hell yes, WELCUM 2 DA DILF ZONE!!! I’m not super duper thrilled with the looks I’ve seen from this movie, but he seems scruffy and comfy in a way that is slightly refreshing for ol’ Richard. This is certainly the best of his normie looks so far. I’m just sad it took them 24 years to figure out how to style him properly for sympathetic roles in a contemporary setting.
15. James in My Zoe (2019) — 6.5/10
It’s another DILF look, slightly edgier than Comfy Tom but none of that sexy tired energy that we’ll see from Ocean’s 8. I don’t know !! Jimmy here doesn’t exactly thrill me, I think I prefer Tom’s flannels to this sharp bomber jacket/white t shirt combo seen here. Oh well! I am extremely 👀 👀 👀 👀 👀 that he can just casually palm that soccer ball like that.
14. John Thornton in North & South (2004) — 7/10
Alright. I’m sorry. I just don’t find him that hot in this role. Like yeah, he’s got the scruff and the sideburns that work to his advantage, and the setting does make this character inherently sexy, but in some screenshots he screams too much of an aforementioned Kate and Leopold (the best Meg Ryan movie, imo) era Hugh Jackman to me. And if I was particularly into that, I would just watch Kate and Leopold again. I will admit, however, that this rating could be subject to change if I actually took the time to watch this show.
13. Chop in Urban and the Shed Crew (2015) — 7/10
...I’M??? INTO IT??? He’s dirty and scruffy but also has kind eyes.... I feel like this is knock off Will Graham who has blossomed into his own. His run down, grime-covered own. He’s back edging into Bradley Cooper territory, but somehow it works for him in this one. Like, I’m 89% sure it’s the DILF vibes I’ve been getting from the other screengrabs I’ve seen of this role, and this particular flavor of DILF is way sexier than Jimmy or Comfy Tom.
12. Francis Dolarhyde in Hannibal (2015) — 7/10
His Caesar cut doesn’t bother me quite so much in this, probably because he is pretty explicitly playing a villain in a series that doesn’t have any basis in reality. A villain who is ripped, and who can effortlessly throw real Will Graham around. Armitage uses his inherent sinisterness to great effect as the Red Dragon, which is good actually! I think a lot of how hot he is in any particular role really depends on whether the styling allows him to play to his strengths...idk! I’m not usually a huge fan of clean shaven Armitage, but it works for Frank here.
11. Daniel Miller in Berlin Station (2016) — 7/10
As much as I adore this particular look (beard + fade + green army jacket), I have to compromise and give Danny a 7/10 because it seems like the first season they styled him in usual stubbly white man blandness. I’d say screengrabs from s1 are a solid 6, while this might be an 8, so the average is a 7. That’s all I have to say about this!
10. Claude Becker in Ocean’s 8 (2018) — 7.5/10
!!!!! I love him in this role, I about had a conniption in the theater because I absolutely was not expecting him!! He looks perfectly ruffled and scruffy, edgier than either Comfy Tom or Jimmy, which I’m very into. That plus his two borzois (objectively the best looking dogs on the planet) really put Old Claude over the top for me. Thank you, thank you Hollywood stylists for finally figuring out what to do with him for roles as a Normal Man.
9. Richard Hall in The Lodge (2019) — 7.5/10
I don’t know anything about this movie, but it seems pretty spooky, which I’m into. I think Richard is well suited for this sort of horror/thriller role, where his angular features can play into the overall vibe rather than some hapless stylist trying to work around them. He looks like another cozy DILF here but with a bite to him, like someone who would do anything to protect his brood. I mean, he’s teaching this child to shoot! But idk, he also has the potential for Jack Nicholson in The Shining energy, which I also could be....hm... into. Idk. Is this on Netflix??
8. Lee in Cold Feet (2003) — 7.5/10
FUN!!! FLIRTY!!!! OTTER VIBES!!!!! I LOVE THIS, he seems so goofy here, and Armitage doesn’t usually pull off goofy that well! I’ve giggled at literally every screenshot I could find from the four episodes he was in this show, he seems like a real himbo. I’m a huge fan, even if it comes at the cost of dehydration abs.
7. William Chatford in Malice Aforethought (2005) — 7.5/10
Hoo hoo HOO DO NOT JUDGE ME!!!!!!! Maybe it’s just because I’ve been watching the new season of The Alienist and the new dark and gritty HBO reboot of Perry Mason back to back, but sue me, I love the bold choice they made with giving him a pencil moustache here. He looks like a hot Howard Hughes; if cream-faced business boy Daryl from Staged is the young ingenue in the pre-Hayes Code thriller I cast him in, Bill here is the sexy antagonist. I desperately want to hear a perfect Transatlantic accent coming out out of that mouth. This look fucks and I’m sticking to that no matter what.
6. Trevor Belmont in Castlevania (2017) — 8/10
Ah, yes, speaking of king himbos... do me a favor and look me right in the eye and tell me that you wouldn’t fuck Trevor Belmont. You can’t, can you?????? At least 80% of Richard Armitage’s inherent hotness stems from his voice, and you can’t tell me there isn’t anything sexier than thinking about letting that guy loose in a recording studio and letting him say fuck. Look, Trevor may be drawn that way, but it’s the absolute stupidity coming out of his mouth in that sweet baritone that makes me want to be raw-dogged by 100% pure Romanian beef.
5. Dr. Scott White in Sleepwalker (2017) — 8/10
Much like I had intimated when talking about Hot Danny in Berlin Station, this is Peak contemporary normie Richard Armitage styling. I honestly think The Hobbit either awakened something in him, or casting directors finally figured out he looks way good with a full beard. His crew cut even works with his whole look, which is a miracle!!!! I think he should be contractually obligated to have a full beard in all of his future roles, but that’s just me.
4. Guy of Gisbourne in Robin Hood (2006) — 8.5/10
I honestly can’t believe I’m ranking Guy so far up here, but honestly, THIS RULES!!!!!! THIS FUCKS!!!!!!!!! Which is incredible due to Guy’s lack of beard, but I’m weirdly okay with it? Like sure, he looks like he’d probably call me a slur in front of his shitty friends, but he also looks like he could tenderly pound me into the mattress in a way that would have me questioning my commitment to the “no emotions” clause of our clandestine no-strings-attached sex agreement. Anyway. Guy of Gisbourne if you see this im free thursday night. please message me back if you’re free thursday night when i am fr
3. Angus in Macbeth (1999) — 8.5/10
HHHNGHGNHNGHGN HE’S SO HOT.....!!! HE’S SO HOT!!!!! Leather jacket!!! Scruff!! Dirt!!!! Flattering beret!!!!! He’s so hot, and the worst part about this is that this was filmed in NINETEEN NINETY NINE!!!!!!!!!!!! Which means we could have always had this, had stylists and makeup artists PLAYED TO HIS STRENGTHS!!!!! He’s so hot I’m getting legitimately angry. Without scruff and dirt this man is nothing. N o t h i n g.
2. John Proctor in The Crucible (2014) — 9/10
Look, I know I have a type. But... this guy is just so hot, Daniel Day Lewis please step aside!!!! Contemporary theater historians describe John Proctor as a “strong beast of a man,” and... hhhHHOOOGH HELL YEAH!!! HELL !!!! YEAH !!!!! Like, his dick got almost his entire Puritan village, including himself, accused of witchcraft and like, looking at this guy, I kind of get it. I would probably go to war over the raw animal beauty of this horrible dirty, greasy man. Sue me, I confess. I saw Goody Osburn with the devil.
1. Thorin II Oakenshield in The Hobbit Trilogy — 9.5/10
Come on. You knew it was going to be this guy. Look at my icon for christ’s sake. I am completely biased, I cannot look at his pictures objectively. Anyway. Thank you so much for reading, this was a very stupid list.
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A-Z for Nath 💕💕
NSFW alphabet for Nathaniel
A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)
He likes to cuddle afterwards. He’d pull Candy close to him, whisper “I love you” into her ears and kiss her cheeks.
B = Body Part (His favourite body part of their partners)
I see Nath as an ass man, but he also loves Candy’s tights. Likes to hold them tight and open her legs, to hang them over his shoulders to kiss and bite them while he’s fucking her. Enjoys seeing a good cleavage though.
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum)
Like most of the guys, likes to cum inside her but Nath loves to watch it spill. Sometimes he’d also cum right outside her. Just leaving her dirty down there turns him on, better if she puts her panties on and they get stained, extra points if they’re not at home and she cannot get changed or cleaned easily and she has to act like nothing is going on.
D = Dirty Secret
Back in UL, in the gym, he always chose to train on the ring that’s right behind the spot where Candy usually made her training routine to stare at her ass and sweaty body in yoga pants.
E = Experience (How experienced are they?)
He’s a smart boy and learns fast, but we also know he’d been fucking around in UL before Candy came back, so he’s experienced when it comes to sex. Still I must say something, he didn’t like going downtown with one night stands so he didn’t do it (yes kind of a dick), still he’s good at it like everything he does.
F = Favourite Position
Any position that allows him to pound Candy hard and sweet. If he had to choose one then it would be her lying down with her legs resting on his shoulders, so he can go deep and keep her legs open.
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in bed? Or are the humorous?)
No, he talks dirty. Nath is a dirty boy.
H = Hair (Are they groomed down there? Does the carpet match the drapes?)
He doesn’t groom, only trims them when it’s getting too long and uncomfortable or unpleasant. His hair down there is golden like his hair, it’s sexy
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, are they romantic?)
He loves Candy very much, but he likes to have his fun (and hers ofc). He won’t usually say romantic things like “I love you” unless it’s a special occasion (like when they did it in the shower) or when they’re done or maybe when he’s coming. Still what they do is very intimate, Nath might like to fuck but the way he treats and fucks Candy is very different from what he did with his one night stands in university. Back then it was all about him coming, with Candy it’s about both of them enjoying each other’s bodies, about their love they share.
J = Jack Off
Doesn’t do it often, he has Candy. The one time he did it most was back in university when he was in love with her but still not dating and when they were away from each other after university. Still Nath asked Candy for some webcam services 👀 , he also jacked off for her on cam, 0 shame for this boy.
K = Kink
Does the webcam thing count as voyeurism?
Since he became an inspector both of them like to play with that. Either Candy plays as bad girl that needs to be arrested and punished, or she “rewards” her inspector for his good work. Nath loves getting pampered and spoiled by Candy.
L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)
Nath likes counters, tables and desks. Might elaborate on Quickie
M = Motivation (What turns him on? What gets him going?)
Candy misbehaving and doing something he told her she couldn’t do, short skirts, even more if she’s bending over. Ofc every time she kisses him or wants to get intimate.
N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do.)
Inflicting pain or leaving marks of any kind. It’s fine if she’s sore the next day, but no marks on her body, even if they use his handcuffs or other things to tie her he’ll make sure those won’t hurt her or be too tight. Also no sharing.
O = Oral (Do they like to give or receive? Are they skilled?)
Nath likes to receive. I mentioned this earlier, this man likes to get spoiled and loves to watch Candy get on her knees to give him some love. When it comes to give, he’s good at it, but like I said before he never did it with other girls, he only enjoys doing it to Candy to give her pleasure and to taste her. He actually might like the 69 position, both would take it slowly and would worship each other like that until they come.
P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)
Fast and rough for him. Can be slow and sensual if he wants to or Candy prefers it, but even when they’re making love he’ll pound hard.
Q = Quickie
Um yes, absolutely yes. In fact, didn’t mention it in kink because I wanted to elaborate here, but Nath has a thing for doing it half or fully clothed. Might sound weird, but sometimes when he’s horny (or she’s horny) and don’t have much time, he’ll just bend her a little over the table, pull up her skirt (that’s why he likes skirts), pull out his cock and start pounding hard, ofc not before turning her on a little if she wasn’t thinking about doing this. This is also why Nath doesn’t jack off very often and how he developed his thing about finishing inside her and watch her stain her panties. Yes, a dirty man.
R = Risk (Do they take risks? Are the willing to experiment?)
Yes, Nath likes sex and he’s willing to experiment. In fact he might be the one to suggest new things.
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)
Out of all the guys in mcl, I feel like he’s the one who lasts the most. He’s experienced with sex (will last longer) and goes to the gym (won’t get tired). So yes be ready to stay awake till late.
T = Toy (Do they own toys?)
Yes, starting with his officer handcuffs. I think he’d be into toys or objects he could use for domination, like ropes or something to spank her a little.
I’m adding this now, he might also like to try those vibrators that can be controlled with a remote, you can imagine why.
U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease?)
Sometimes a lot, sometimes not at all. He could spend a long time teasing Candy or he could be so horny he cannot wait to make love to her.
V = Volume
Quiet for the most part when it comes to moaning, he grunts for the most part. Also, sometimes he really enjoys dirty talking.
“look at you taking my cock so well” “such a nice and sweet pussy” “do you like my cock?” “yes suck it like that” “don’t scream or others might hear, you don’t want all those people seeing what I’m doing to you don’t you” “such a messy girl”
I could go on and on with these.
W = Wild Card
One day they started joking about watching themselves fuck. Nath saying things like “you should see your dummy face” and Candy responding “you also look dumb”. So what did they do? They bought a big mirror to watch themselves fuck, they both enjoyed it a lot on both a sexy and intimate level.
X = X-ray (What’s going on down there?)
Good length and good girth. A few veins visible, but he has an amazing cock trust me. Gets very hard.
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
High, did you doubt it?
Z = Zzz (How quickly did they fall asleep?)
Depending on wether he’s tired or not, but usually he doesn’t fall asleep quickly. He’s used to stay up until late reading novels.
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edit: next one will probably be Valkyon
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A (brief) review of every Donald Sutherland movie (so far)
I’m not coping well with quarantine at all and no one else seems to be either (which makes me feel a bit better) So what started out of boredom back over christmas break has turned into a quest to find and watch every Donald Sutherland movie ever. Probably not my best idea since a lot of them are very old and hard to find and would need to be bought online (which isn't an option right now.) Don’t ask me why, this kinda just happened and I’m not gonna fight it. So stick around for an unprofessional review of a very professional actor’s long film career.
(if anyone has any suggestions or knows where to find more hmu)
M*A*S*H*
Ah talk about a movie that didn’t age well (but neither did Holiday Inn and we still watch that) I’m not here to bash on it for being problematic because apart from the way they treated Houlihan, I genuinely loved this movie. It had be rolling the whole time just like the show and I still catch myself whistling like Hawkeye all the time. Probably still like the show better and Alan Alda’s Hawkeye (sorry Donald) but its definitely been a go to when I’m having a rough day.
Kelly’s Heroes
I think this was the first movie of his I ever saw as a little girl and I remember being very confused. (since it didn’t match my dad’s military stories at all) so this ended up being the first one I went out of my way to hunt down and watch and sorry to Clint Eastwood but Donald stole this movie from literally everyone. He’s hilarious, he’s sexy, he steals the show and it’s definitely one of his more underrated movies (the movie itself is a bit long) which is a damn shame since he (literally) died filming this one. (if you don’t know the story, look it up its wild)
Alex in Wonderland
Wow, who knew he could be such a convincing asshole! At least he becomes aware of it by the end of the film but I just felt so lost by the end. Like ,what did I watch, what happens now? Not one of my favorites but definitely interesting and a sure product of the early 70s. Overall, he does have a lot of good scene (a scene with THE Federico Fellini) that are sometimes light-hearted, dumb, cute, irritating, and just...what? The relationship between him, his wife, and children is probably the only redeeming factor since its pretty accurate for how his actions strain his relationships. I am gonna be honest though, I only watched this one to see him as a long haired hippie 😂 (sorry).
Klute
Leave it to Jane Fonda to remind me why I’m bisexual (I wish she wasn’t always a prostitute) Although there was a lot more of her and a lot less of him, even though he is John Klute. I am an absolute sucker for those old black and white noir movies and this is no different. It leaves some feelings to be desired at times (Donald apparently felt the same way) but you can really tell there’s a fascinating chemistry between him and Jane (because there actually was) Overall the story was entertaining but the character’s themselves seemed somewhat drab. I wish we got to know more about them and had more scenes with more emotion apart from just the sex and love scenes. Oh well, it was still a pretty damn good movie and I’d definitely watch it again if I got the chance.
Lady Ice
Basically Magnum before Magnum was even a thing. Now just because a movie is bad doesn’t mean it can’t be entertaining. I love the whole Miami Vice vibe I get from this and again, huge fan of private investigators, detectives and dirty schemes. His acting might not be exemplary but I don’t even care. The movie is fun and not every movie has to be deep and meaningful. Nothing wrong with just watching a movie for the hell of it. And that moustache, it’s my kryptonite. 😆
Don’t Look Now
If you haven’t seen this movie, stop reading my bs and go watch it right now. (its free on crackle) This is such a good movie I could make a whole post on it alone. Donald and Julie Christie (I’m still not over her either) put so much into every scene, giving us such a beautiful relationship that’s been fraught with tragedy. Every scene is beautiful and eerie and enchanting Iloveitsomuch!!! I don’t wanna spoil too much because the ending turns everything on its head. I’m not sure if this is meant to be a horror movie but it really walks that uncanny valley with the whole setting of Venice in it’s off season, the dark corridors, creepy premonitions. I will spoil this, I love how for once, the man is the psychic instead of the woman, which is a trope that waaaaaay over done. AND THE SCANDAL! Okay sex scenes in movie isn't exactly scandalous but this one was surprisingly realistic (no they didn’t actually have sex) so everyone in the 70s pitched a hissy fit over it and I can’t understand why. It’s by far the most realistic and beautiful sex scene I’ve ever watch, hats off to Donald and Julie. God Bless Nicholas Roeg for this masterpiece, aaaaahhh just go watch it its so good!
Fellini’s Casanova
Alright but bear with me on this. I think I had a religious experience while watching this movie. I was overly exhausted and had my eye on it for a while said ‘fuck it let’s watch something weird.’ This what actually started by quarantine marathon (how appropriate) and I can safely say, I think this is the most beautiful, most grotesque, most enchantingly beautiful and yet dark and bizarre movies I’ve ever seen. Donald makes such a convincing 18t century venetian lover and they really went all out with his appearance, acting and the scenery of the whole movie. Everyone in the film seems to genuinely enjoyed everything they’re doing (which says a lot they do some crazy shit in this one) and the whole time, everything is erriley whimsical, almost like a fever dream (which is what this film might have been I dunno). And the fact it spans the entirety of Casanova’s life, from his highest point to his absolute lowest decent into squalor just proves that Fellini holds nothing back AT ALL. Again, no spoilers (I don’t really think I can spoil this film) but there’s just copious amounts of sex and its just plain strange but if you find it in your heart to give it a try, please do. If you’re not sure about it that’s fine definitely not for everyone. However I highly recommend Fellini’s other works. (go watch La Strada)
Invasion of the Bodysnatchers
Hahaha oh man I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this movie. My friends and I in college had a horror movie night and this one seriously freaked out my roommate (i’m so sorry). I love me some sci-fi (I run a star trek blog) and this not only gave me lots of Donald but also Leonard Nimoy, (along with a very young Jeff Goldblum) so yes, this is now one of my favorite sci-fi movies (I did a film analysis on it too). I don’t recommend watching it in quarantine unless you’re into freaking yourself about a global pandemic. I will say, this movie is an anomaly since I think it might be the only movie that is not only better than its remake, but also better than the book (which I also read) This one gives us Donald (and his moustache) playing of all things, a health inspector (I’m dying) whos put into some creepy scenarios of apocalyptic proportions. This is one of those horror movies that’s fun without being funny. It’s got plenty of drama and awkwardness between to characters while also reaching it’s cult classic status. All the actors in this film manage to give such a convincing performance that you can’t help but feel like you’re right there with the characters, which makes for a fun and terrifying ride. 10/10 would scare my roommate again.
The Great Train Robbery
Donald Sutherland AND Sean Connery? Sounds like a great pair right? Well they are, sort of. Okay this movie looks like a typical british drama, buuuuut I’m not so sure about this one. Donald is pretty great in this one and so is Sean, but I’m just very confused if it’s trying to be serious or funny? The plot itself makes sense and its pretty good but the execution is just...what? Oh well, Donald and Sean make an entertaining pair with their odd “train heist” I felt this movie would have done much better if it went for either one side or the other instead of jumping all over the place, and it played out much more like a soap opera. It’s not bad though but its not a favorite of mine.
Bear Island
Okay I’ve been pretty nice so far, but this...the only real redeeming part of this movie is Donald and his beard. Which is such a shame because I feel like this could have been SUCH a good movie. The story itself is really good and enthralling but somebody somewhere dropped the ball. No, they didn’t drop it. They threw it off a cliff. Nothing about this movie makes sense, most everyone’s acting is subpar, and I don’t blame them because the script was probably the main offender of this film. Even Donald’s acting is uncharacteristically bad. I know shoot me, criticized his acting. It’s just so strange to see what could have easily been a fantastic film. Someone send this to Philip Kaufman and ask for a remake because this one needs it.
Ordinary People
Oh God, this movie. This movie means so much to me. Again, watched it with my roommate, we sobbed like children and its now a must see in our group. The fact that Donald wasn’t even nominated for an oscar for this film is a travesty. A story like this is something that in a way I’ve lived myself. Everyone’s acting in this film is superb and as someone who would know, yes, all of this is very really and very heart wrenching to watch. I don’t mean to get sappy or anything, but I have been Calvin Jarrett, I (and I’m sure others) have been that mediator who eventually is broken by the two fighting forces. Watching his eventual collapse is so surreal and wow this movie really broke me in some spots. Uhg god this movie, I wanna cry just thinking about it. I’d totally watch it but I’ll just spend the whole time wanting to hug him.
Eye of the Needle
If any of you know me personally, you’ll know I’m absolutely terrified of needles, so this might not have been the best movie for me to watch, but I had no idea what I was getting myself into. This whole movie is actually pretty fantastic. For once, Donald plays a bad guy, but you can almost root for him (if he wasn’t a nazi) I felt so conflicted because while yes I wanted him to take her away from her horrible husband, hes a damn dirty Nazi, and we don’t stan. Of course, Donald’s character is extremely charming but I’m left wondering if his character really did have feelings for Kate Nelligan. I have a feeling that I could really run with this story. This one is a thrilling story with a thick plot that tears its characters apart. I can’t help but love it.
Crackers
Fight me, I thought it was funny. Not really but this is one of those “entertaining but not really good” movies. Donald’s character is...well, he reminds me a lot of most of my exes. He’s just down on his luck, he’s not a bad guy. Yeah that sums up how I feel about his character. However, the movie overall is pretty damn funny. At least it knows it’s a comedy and it even has a sweet(ish) ending. I will say its not great, but there is a good scene with Donald falling flat on his ass which was so worth the whole rest of the movie. This one is still on my quarantine go to for when I just wanna forget about life for a while.
Rosary Murders
So this little gem I kinda just watched on a whim thinking it would be some campy horror movie that was very pro-catholic and woooweee was I wrong. I loved this movie so much I ended up watching it twice, two nights in a row. It really was a thrilling movie with a plot thicker than pea soup, all while throwing some (slight) shade at the catholic church. This movie goes less for the horror side of things and more for the shock and drama and it does it well. Not to mention he makes one hell of a cute priest. I loved the hell out of this one and I’m glad i decided on this one the other night. I might even watch it again who knows.
Pride and Prejudice
Everyone in this movie is neurotic as hell except for Donald Sutherland and Keira Knightly. Sorry I was never a huge Jane Austen fan but I admire her ability to write hell of a good slow burn and that exactly what this is. Hell most of you know what this movie is about so I’m not gonna talk about it too much. Its one of those movies everyone else seems to have seen and I haven’t so mom and I sat down and watched it together. She just laughed as I sat there yelling at the TV, waiting for an exasperated Donald to come on. His final scene though, so sweet. I did like how the movie showed a father daughter relationship that wasn’t toxic (not like the last one) but I was kinda over the whole song and dance after a while. I’m sure most people think its a really good movie but I just don’t get it.
The Hunger Games (All of them)
As I understand it, this movie actually means a lot to Donald, as it does to a lot of people, and that he really enjoyed working with Jennifer Lawrence, so that’s nice. Yes I’ve seen all three (four) movies, read all the books and I couldn’t think of anyone else to better play Katniss Everdeen’s antithesis than someone like Donald. I feel like this is one of those roles that was just made for him. He was such a scary and venomous villain that played so well off of the main protagonist. Uhg I really do love the Hunger Games Series, it was a huge part of my childhood, I just hate how the fans destroy people who love the main villain, like many fandoms do (looking at you star trek). I wish I could just enjoy these movies in peace without everyone being so polarized on them.
Oh wow there’s definitely gonna be a part two but as of now, this is all I got. I’ve got a long way to go and (with the way things are looking here in the U.S.) I’ve got plenty of time to do so. I really do enjoy doing these kinds of things so if you want me to watch and ramble about any other movies (no, it doesn’t have to have Donald Sutherland) I’m gonna be in quarantine for a while, so let’s at least do something fun to pass the time. 😊
#Donald Sutherland#this brings me joy#Im gonna laugh if I actually watch all his movies#mash#hunger games#pride and prejudice#ordinary people#I'm not gonna tag every movie wed be here all day
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Guns and Blankets
A/n: not requested but I have been doing too many Stray Kids posts lately holy crap this got long. yes it is heavily inspired by BBC sherlock
ASKS AND REQUESTS ARE OPEN
Member: Jung Hoseok ft. BTS
WARNINGS: Mild violence, swearing, partial smut?, smoking (don't do it kids), alcohol
Summary: Y/n L/n is the world's closest thing to Sherlock Holmes. Her intellect was unparalleled by anyone, but her snide and sarcastic remarks and attitude kept her from joining the force. However, Chief of Police Kim Namjoon can't help but enlist the services of the consulting detective. To the outside, Y/n may seem cold, calculating, and emotionless, but her partner ( Dr.Jung Hoseok) sees a different side of her.
Genre: nonidol!au, detective!au, police!au, sherlockholmes!au, mystery, comedy, angst
I paced the floor of my dark apartment, mind running. "Is your goal to create a dent, because you are doing mighty good work." I scoffed at my partner who sat in the armchair reading the paper.
"I'm waiting. I thought domestic people like you understood that concept." The young man with dark hair chuckled as he watched me burn a hole through my wood floor. My head shot towards the window at the sound of a car pulling up. "Finally, Kim shows up with something to do!"
"A nice murder. That always cheers you up, love."
I could hear the grin in Hoseok's words. "Oh shut up! You love it as much as I do, Mr. Military Doctor." I couldn't kept the smile from breaking onto my face no matter how hard I tried. "Y/n!" The familiar voice of Chief Inspector Kim Namjoon came up the stairs to my apartment.
"What is it this time, Kim?" He stopped in the doorway, out of breath. "Body? Kidnapping? Attempted political assassination? All very fun." He shook his head and started to pull his phone out of his pocket. "No. This was sent to me twenty minutes ago." He showed me a picture of a shabby empty room, but something was ominous and familiar about it.
"I know this room. Where do I know this room." Hoseok came behind me to look over my shoulder. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by my cellphone ringing on the table.
Handing Hoseok the phone I went to pick up mine. "Y/n L/n speaking." There was silence on the other end. The two men spoke in hushed tones conversing about the photo. "Hello?" The line was live and my ears picked up the slightest sound of breathing on the other side. "You're wasting my very valuable time by-"
"Y/n."
"Yes, Hoseok. What is it?"
"The room. Isn't it the apartment downstairs?"
Hanging up the phone I looked again at the photo. Without a word, I took off down the stairs yelling for out landlady, Mrs. Yang. Grabbing the keys from her painted nails I rushed to the door and opened it, Kim and Hoseok hot on my heels. I froze when my eyes landed on the center of the room.
"What? What is it?" A pair of women's trainers lay side by side in the exact center of the room. Dusty light came through the old windows illuminating the area.
"Well that's not creepy."
The second I took a step forward my phone rang once again, breaking the heavy silence. Gingerly, I pulled out the device and put it on speaker. "Hello." I said quietly still examining the shoes from afar.
Heavy,shaky breathing filled the room before a women's voice spoke. "H-hello...s-se-sexy..." In my peripherals I saw Hoseok move to my right near the wall.
"Who is this-"
"I....s-sent you a...li-little p-puzzle.....Just to say...h-hi."
"Whose talking? Why are you crying?"
Kim's eyes moved between me and the shoes. My mind was reeling with the new information being shown to me.
"I'm n-not crying...I'm t-typing...and this stupid...b-bitch is reading my w-words."
My feet moved forward towards the shoes to examine them. "Careful!" Kim said. "This sounds like a power play. The guy could be a bomber."
Handing Hoseok the phone I crouched lightly on the floor, putting the pieces together.
"14...hours to solve m-my puzzle,...Y/n.....or I will b-be ve-very naughty."
More crying could be heard on the line. I turned to my right to see Hoseok with his eyes closed and head against the wall, a strained expression on his face.
"Time starts now..."
The line went dead and silence filled the room. Hoseok opened his eyes only to flinch as I lifted the shoes from the floor. "I know these shoes...."
"You have the department's full support. Anything you need."
"Oh, Yoongi will be happy about that."
Hoseok chuckled and slipped my phone in my pocket as I turned to him.
"Come on, Hoseok. I'm sure Tae is at the lab. We've got a puzzle to solve."
"I'm sure Taehyung will be very happy to see you." Every inch of Hoseok's voice was dripping with jealousy. Something I rather enjoyed hearing.
Five hours had passed as I studied the shoes. Taehyung was more than happy to let us use the morgue's lab once again. Hoseok idly chatted with me as I worked, something I had grown accustomed to but did not so much to say enjoy. The short silence was broken once again by my cell.
"Pass me my phone?" My eyes never left the microscope as I spoke to him.
"Where is it?"
"Pocket."
With a sigh, Hoseok got up and reach into my back pocket.
"Careful there, Hobi." A smirk played on my lips as I turned to him behind me. That small knowing smile creeped onto his face. He knew something the rest of the world didn't. I had quite the soft spot for him. In more ways than one.
As he opened my phone I turned to the computer screen to analyze the new results. "Text from your brother."
"Delete it. It's not important."
"He seems to think so. Something about national security codes."
"Codes are already out of the country by now. Nothing I can do about it. Besides he pretty much is the South Korean government he can fix it like a big boy. All by himself."
Hoseok tossed my phone beside me on the table and walked back to his seat on my right.
"Besides....someone else is being way more fun."
The computer finished just as the door opened to reveal Taehyung with starry eyes aimed towards me. "Any luck?" "Yes, finally." A warm body followed behind him shortly after.
"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."
"Hyun- Hi! Oh my God! No come in."
The woman came over slowly to stand next to Tae, but I paid her no mind, continuing with my work.
"Hyunah, this Y/n L/n. And her.....Juny Hoseok." My partner politely shook hands with her but I could feel her stare on my back, though I ignored it.
"Hi...So....you're Y/n L/n. Taehyung has told me all about you." Her voice had a sultry tone to it.
"Yes, dear Tae has a tendency to do that."
"Are you working on one of your cases? I'm such a fan." She moved near Hoseok to try and peek at the screen. "Hyunah works in IT upstairs. That's how we met. Office romance!" My eyes scanned her over picking up every detail about her.
"Gay."
"Sorry what?" Tae said shocked.
"Nothing sorry. Hey."
Cast a nod towards her, she smiled and dropped a metal pan that rest on the edge of the table.
"Oh sorry! Oh my god!" She bent down to pick it up revealing the bright red skivy up her skirt, causing Hoseok to look away.
"I should be going." She placed the pan back on the table and bade a quick farewell to Tae with a kiss on the cheek before exiting.
"Gay? We're together."
"And domestic life must suit you Taehyung. You've put on three pounds."
"It's not three! Maybe two and a half!"
"Three."
"She's not gay! She's n- Y/n why do you have to spoil-"
"With that hair color?"
Hoseok scoffed beside me. "What because she died her hair orange. I've died my hair before." "No, love you've bleached your hair. There's a difference."
"She isn't gay."
"You failed to notice those tired clubbers eyes, the quite prominent pride themed tattoo on inside of her forearm, and obviously the short nails. Most women don't really like that you know feeling."
"Short nails?"
"Also the extremely suggestive fact that she slipped me her number before leaving."
Pulling the sticky note from under the pan Hyunah knocked over I handed it to Taehyung before looking back at the microscope.
"Call me xoxo. She quite straight to the point. I'd say you'd better break it off now and save yourself the pain, Tae."
With a glare mixed with hurt Taehyung simply turned and left the room. "Charming. Well done, Y/n."
"Oh please. You are you jealous a girl has put more moves on me than you have."
Getting out of his chair Hoseok came to tower over me. "You know that's not my problem but yours." It was true. I liked fucking with him, but I was afraid to let my heart have precedence over my head.
Two and a half days later and two puzzles had been solved within the time limit. Now I was just waiting for something to happen. I sighed as I flexed my arm. Promising Hobi I'd quit smoking was maybe the hardest things I'd encountered.
"I've brought take out and vodka-what are you doing!?"
"Nicotine patch."
"Three of them?"
"It's a three patch problem."
He sighed and opened the bottle pouring himself a glass before downing all of it. "Why isn't he doing anything?" Hoseok collapsed onto my couch, his arm spread over the back behind my head and his other hand pulling my legs into his lap so we could both fit on the small couch.
"I don't know. I'm happy not to think about anything for a while."
"What's it like living in your head? It must be awfully boring."
"Not really, I have you to keep me on my toes."
See most people would recognize the consequences of hard liquor and sexual tension, but I honestly didn't care. So when the sky grew dark all other senses are heightened. Sound. Taste. Touch.
That seemed to be the favorite of the night touch. His hands felt secure on my body as the moved across it like paint on a canvas. My lips couldn't help but find pieces of raw skin waiting to be marked as Hoseok lay on top of me. The smell of smoke and alcohol filled the bedroom, leaving my mind a blur.
The feeling of Hoseok filled my entire body and was better than any alcohol or drug I had ever taken. I felt a lack of control and I loved it. Hoseok thrust into me at a deep and steady pace and his lips moved down to my chest and attaching themselves to my breast. My fingers pulled at his dark locks eliciting a deep melodical groan from Hoseok that fueled my need even more.
A heavy pounding on my door awakened me from a heavy sleep. Light was just beginning to break outside my window. Hoseok lay under me with an arm wrapped tightly around my stomach. Hoseok still stayed fast asleep so quietly I got out of bed and slipped on a pair of sweats and put my black bra back on. The pounding continued.
"ALRIGHT! I'M COMING!" I screamed before running to open the door. Opening the door I found Kim And Min Yoongi standing in the hall. "Yoongi."
"Y/n."
"Yoongi face the other way. You're putting me off."
"Nice sex hair."
"At least I can get off with fucking and not having to be an ignorant asswipe."
"Yoongi shut up. Y/n let us inside." I opened the door further and motioned for the two men to enter, but not without flipping off the idiot.
"Another one?" Kim nodded before responding. "Down by the docks. We got a call this morning. You have 12 hours. Sounded like an older woman this time. Aparently she's blind." I smiled, excited by the new development in our little game.
"Hobi, nice of you to join us. Sorry I left you darling." I turned hearing footsteps coming from the bedroom. Hoseok stood with messy hair in only a pair of sweats he kept at my place. "You're fine." He said with a small but sad smile.
Yoongi scoffed before turning to me, taking in both of our states. "I didn't realize a psychopath like you could have a soft spot for your little doctor."
"I'm not a psychopath, Yoongi. I'm a high-functioning sociopath, do your fucking research."
"Ladies, stop fighting. We've got a murder to solve."
After changing Hoseok and I followed the two officers in a taxi to the docks. A slight mist rained down on us as we arrived at the destination. Police tape bordered the area and several officers milled about a car parked near some shipping crates.
As we got closer, I could see blood dripping out of the driver's side door. My eyes searched the car over. "Car was hired yesterday by a Jeon Minhyuk. Looks like about a pint of blood." Kim said, crouching next to the open car.
"Not about. Exactly. Most likely planted here on purpose. Our victim-"
"Jeon Minhyuk."
"Yeah, whatever. Long story short. Abduction not murder."
My eyes caught the sight of a middle aged woman crying next to some officers. "Who's that?" Yoongi nodded towards her. "Jeon's wife. Got here just before you did."
I nodded and stuffed my hands in my pockets as I turned to Hoseok. "Let's go talk to her, darling."
I took a breath of cold air before approaching the crying woman. "Mrs.Jeon?" She turned and frowned at our presence. "Yes, look I've already spoken with the police-" "Yes, ma'am. We aren't police." Hoseok interrupted politely.
"Y/n L/n." I reached out to shake her hand with a broken look.
"A very good friend of your husband's. We-uh... we grew up together."Tears started to fall from my cheeks as I 'recalled' the memory.
"I'm sorry? Who are you?" She said shaking her head.
"This is my husband, Hoseok." He politely shook her hand while casting me a side glance.
"I-don't think he ever mentioned you."
"No-no. He must've- I just can't believe it. I was just with him the other day. Same old Minhyuk not a care in the world."
Her face changed dramatically. "I'm sorry, but my husband has been depressed for months. Who are you?"
"Strange that he hired a car?" I said looking back the car and wiping away some of the tears. "Why would he do that? But suspicious isn't it?"
"No it isn't! He forgot to renew the tax on the car that's all."
"Ah. That was Minhyuk. That was Minhyuk all over. Forgetting everything."
"No it wasn't!"
"Wasn't it? Interesting."
My face turned straight and I turned back to the car walking away. "Do you enjoy lying to people?" Hoseok asked with a smile. "People don't like to tell you things, but they love to contradict you." I couldn't help but smile at Hobi's laugh. "Did you notice?" I asked.
"What?"
"I referred to her husband in the past tense and she joined in. Bit premature. We've only found the car. She's in on it."
My eyes drifted to a sticker on the bumper. Janus Cars. "Hobi." Pointing to the sticker he crouched to inspect it. "Janus? The only Janus I know is the top headed Egyptian god."
"Well let's go see."
Five hours were down as we entered the office of Kim Hyojong, owner of Janus cars. "Yeah rented the car out to him yesterday." The man said as he scratched his arm. "Mazda Rx8 I believe. Wouldn't mind one myself." He smirked as he pulled up the sleeves of his shirt revealing an expensive watch.
"Is that one?" I pointed to a random picture on the wall as I walked around. When he turned I quickly inspected the back of his neck before turning around. "Uh... that's a jag. Not a car girl I see."
"Surely you can afford one, a Mazda I mean." Hoseok said, pulling the attention off of me for a moment as I inspected the man for a few more minutes.
"Have you got any change for the cigarette machine? I'm practically gasping." Hoseok shot me a glare as I held out a ten and watched as the man pulled out his wallet.
"No, sorry."
After thanking him the two of us walked out side by side. "If absolutely need to....here. I've got change."
"Don't need it, darling. Nicotine patches, remember?" I said pulling up my sleeve to reveal another two added on my arm. "Too expensive to smoke nowadays anyhow."
"So what was that all about?" He said pulling down my sleeve quickly. "Needed to see inside his wallet. Did you see? All foreign bills." My growing speech was interrupted by my phone ringing.
"Y/n L/n."
"The clue is in the name. Janus Cars."
An older female voice came through the phone. The blind lady. Yes almost forgot. Bomb and everything.
"Why are you giving me a hint?"
"Why does anyone do anything......I like to watch....you...dance...."
The line went dead. Hoseok looked to me with brows raised. "Phone Kim. Tell him to bring the car to the garage."
Eight hours in and I was sure. Kim and Hoseok stood with me in front of the car, waiting for my explanation.
"The blood was their first mistake. Exactly a pint. But it is definitely Jeon Minhyuk's, though frozen. There are traces. I had Tae run some tests. I think Minhyuk gave a pint of his blood a while ago and that it was Janus Car's spread on the seat."
"Janus Cars?"
"Yes, the clue is in the name."
"That God with two faces?" Namjoon asked.
"Exactly. Janus Cars offers a less than legal service to help you disappear from certain problems whatever they may be."
"So where is Jeon?" Kim questioned again.
"Brazil." I said closing the car door.
"What?"
"Kim Hyojong had a 20000 Brazilian peso note in his wallet as well as some change, the dick. Which means he had been abroad recently. When I asked him about the cars he turned and I saw an obvious tan line on his neck. Somewhere hot, but not for pleasure. No one wears a shirt on the fucking beach. Next his arm-"
"His arm?"
"Do stop interrupting. It's quite annoying and we have a bomb to stop. Yes his arm. He was scratching it and It was bleeding. Most likely because he had a booster jab. The therefore out Jeon Minhyuk is somewhere lying in a cabana in Brazil thanks to Janus Cars."
I pulled out my phone and posted the answer on my website like I had the past two times. "Y/n how long have you known?" "It was very simple. I knew the bomber had given us twelve hours so I finished this and was able to complete other things."
"Other things! That woman has been sitting there with a bomb strapped to her chest." Immediately my phone rang.
"Hello."
"Help me...." the woman cried out softly.
"Tell us where you are. Address."
"They were....so-....They're voice was-"
"No! Don't tell me anything about them!"
"They sounded...so soft-"
The sound of an explosion could be heard right before the line went dead. "Hello!" My shaking hand dropped the phone. I stood frozen in place. Hoseok took my face in his hands. "Y/n? Y/n, love? Look at me. What happened?" The words were stuck in my throat.
"It's-.....it's not fair. I answered! She started to describe him and she- Oh my god!" My fingers pulled at the roots of my hair and anxiety and panic started to kick in.
"Namjoon, there was an explosion go get a squad. I'll take care of her." Hoseok pried my hands away from my face where my nails where scratching at my hair and skin in panic.
"Y/n....I'm right here it's okay. Fuck!" My vision spun and it felt like nails were driving into my skull. Clutching my head I collapsed on the parking garage floor. "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE! TAKE IT AWAY! TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed and pushed Hoseok's hands away as he tried to rip off all five of the nicotine patches, which certainly weren't helping the situation.
"I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! THERE IS TOO MUCH UP HERE! There's no room for me." I clutched my head even tighter as tears spilled onto my cheeks. Hoseok tried to pull me towards him in Hope's of calming me down.
"I don't want this gift! I don't want it! There is no more room for me! It's too much stuff in my head! Hoseok, please make it go away!" I pounded on his chest and cried like a baby as he pulled me into his lap on the ground.
"I don't want to be smart anymore.......It's too much......I can't be responsible for all of this!"
The last thing I remember was passing out in Hoseok's arms.
I woke up again to darkness. Sitting up, my coat was hanging on the door and I had been put in a tshirt that wasn't mine. The clock on my beside table read two a.m. Hoseok lay next to me, sleeping soundly. I sighed and pulled open the drawer searching for a pack of cigarettes. After finding a singular one I walked to the door and pulled a flash drive out of my coat pocket.
Lighting the cigarette I walked into the living room and to my laptop. Quickly I posted something on my website and got dressed. As I walked towards the front door, my eyes got sight of the bedroom. Hoseok shifted in his sleep a little bit.
With a sigh I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a note.
1067 Hangguk Ave.
Trust me.
Taping it on the door, I closed it and grabbed a taxi to take me downtown.
I entered the large ornate library in silence. My footsteps were the only sound that echoed throughout the three store building. Hundreds of book shelves lined the area, the only light was from the bright moon as it shone through the huge glass window in the back.
"I've brought you a little getting to know you present." I said my voice echoing off the rounded roof as I held up the flash drive.
"This is what it has all been for right? All your little puzzles. Making me dance....Just for this."
The sound of a door opening made me turn around. It took all of my power not to let the look of terror show on my face. A figure walked towards me through the dark. A figure I knew. My half brother.
"Seokjin?"
He wore a black winter trench coat and a straight expression. "Evening."
"This is a twist, isn't it Y/n? Bet you didn't see this coming." My hand lowered to my side as I tried to regain my composure.
"What...would you like me....to make him say.... next?"
Seokjin opened his coat to reveal several bombs strapped to his chest over his normal suit. A little red dot was also now trained on his chest. Frantically I searched for the shooter in the balconies.
"Humpty Dumpty....sat on a wall.....Humpty Dumpty.....had a......great...fall-"
"ENOUGH!" I screamed.
"He is one of the only....people you care about....isn't that right.......Y/n."
"Stop it."
"I can stop his heart.....if you like...."
Seokjin's face fell and he gulped at his own words. It was true. Seokjin had always looked out for me, even though I was a huge smartass. He never complained once about his ten year old sister being in junior year with him.
"Who are you?" Another door opened behind me and the sound of heels clicked across the floor.
"Gave you my number. Thought you might call."
Shadows drifted across her face as she came to stand in the moonlight. A playful smirk was drawn on her painted lips.
"Is that .45 Dan Wesson Specialist in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
Her voice was smooth like honey and dripped with confidence. “Both.” Keeping my face straight I pulled the gun out from my jacket. “Kim HyunA......Hi.” The woman stepped further into the light, revealing the rest of her sculpted face.
“Hyunah? Hyunah from the morgue? Huh. Did I really make such a fleeting impression on you? But then I suppose that was the point of the whole thing.” She stepped closer. Something about the way she spoke sent shivers down my spine. My grip on the gun grew tighter. My eyes flickered to my brother to see the red dot still there.
“Oh don’t be silly, love. Someone else is holding to gun. Don’t really like to get my hands dirty.” She circled to stand behind my brother, and evil smile on her lips. “All those puzzles; did you like them?” The look on her face told she wasn’t looking for an answer she was just toying with me.
“I’ve given you a glimpse, Y/n. Just the tiniest glimpse of what I have got going on in this big bad world. No one ever gets to me.” Her stare never left me as she whispered in Jin’s ear, chuckling as he shuddered.
“I did.” My fingers cocked the gun and kept it aimed towards her. She coolly moved to the right of my brother and towards me.
“You’ve come the closest. Now you’re in my way.”
“Aww thanks.”
“Didn’t mean it as a compliment, love.”
“Yes you did.”
“Yeah, okay I did.”
Her words left a playful ring in the air and often went up in tone giving me chills. There was a fire beneath her eyes. Something dangerous. Something deadly. “But, the flirting is over, Y/n. Mommy has had enough now!” Her painted nails played with my brothers jacket. The most subtle sign of dominance. She was in control of everything.
“I’ve cut loose all those people. All those problems-”
“People have died.”
“That’s what people DO!”
Her voice echoed off the cavernous walls making me realize how alone we truly were. A moment of eerie silence followed causing me to reach into my pocket pulling out a simple black flash drive. My brother visibly gulped when he saw them. “Y/n you wouldn’t. Those codes are top secret.”
“This is what you want yes?” She smirked and came over, plucking the drive from my hands. “Oooo. Missile codes.” She eyes the small object in her hands before meeting my gaze again.
“I could’ve got them anywhere.” With that she dropped the drive on the floor and crushed it with her heel. “Y/n, I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out yet but I could blow up NATO in alphabetical order if I wanted to at any second.”
She pulled a gun from under her blazer. “So take this as a friendly warning. Back off.” She brought up the weapon and clearly aimed it at me. “What if I was to shoot you now?” She gave a sing song laugh that rang throughout the room. “Well then you would be able to cherish the look of surprise on my face. Because, if you did, Y/n, I would truly be surprised. But, you wouldn’t be able to cherish it for long.” She loaded and cocked her own gun as well.
“As you might have figured out, I can’t very much leave you here after I leave, so......” With a shrug she pointed the gun back at me, a smirk on her face.
“Ciao, Y/n L/n-”
The sound of a gunshot sounded and I closed my eyes for the briefest moment and I felt blood splatter across my cheek. Opening my eyes, I saw HyunA lying on the ground. Dead. Turning around I saw a small hole in the window where the bullet must have come through. My eyes then looked towards the building across the street.
“Y/n?” My brother called out.
Rushing to him I hastily threw the coat as far away from us as possible. The both of us looked up at the sound of sirens and red and blue flashing lights coming from the front. Within seconds five policemen burst through the door and took us outside to waiting ambulances.
My feet dangled off the back of an ambulance as I sat there trying to get the EMT to take the stupid orange blanket off of me. Chief Kim interrupted the scene.
"Why do I need this blanket? They keep putting this blanket on me."
"It's for shock."
"I'm not in shock. Nothing is shocking about a man getting shot." He scoffed and shoved his hands in his pockets.
"No sign of the shooter." Kim shook his head and looked to the building across the street. "Cleared off before we got here. We've got nothing to go on."
A single disapproving look from me shut him up. "I wouldn't say that." He nodded for me to continue with a smile. "The bullet the just dug from the bookcase is a handgun. A kill shot over that distance with that type of weapon is a crack shot we're looking for. Not just a marksman; a fighter. Hands wouldn't have shaken which means they're acclimatized to violence. They didn't fire until I was in immediate danger, so one would infer they have great moral principle."
My eyes wandered as I spoke, trying to recall every detail I could gather about the shooting.
"You are most likely look for a male with a history of military service, nerves of steel, who-......." My eyes landed on Hoseok who was standing by one of the police cars simply watching all that was going around him and my words sort of trailed off. He turned and smiled innocently at me, shaking me from my trance. "Actually you know what. Ignore me."
"Sorry?"
"Ignore everything I just said. It's uh-it's just the uh-shock talking. Yeah sure."
"Where are you going? I've still got questions!"
"Oh what now! I'm in shock! Look I've got a blanket and everything!"
Kim called out to me as I walked away towards Hoseok who smiled as I came closer. "What's with the blanket?" "It's for shock. Please take the fucking thing away from me." He laughed as I shoved it into his arms. We walked side by side to the nearest main street to catch a taxi.
"Nice shot by the way."
"Yes, must have been."
"You would know."
He looked at his feet, a smile creeping onto his cheeks. "Thank you, Hoseok." My hand reached over for his and quickly latched onto his fingers. "You were very dumb to leave alone."
"Yes, but I knew you'd follow me."
"How on earth did you deduce that?"
"You love me."
He smiled down at me, the tips of his ears turning pink. "A very good deduction." His hand came up to my cheek and stroked the skin their lovingly. "I'm impatient kiss me already." He laughed and lent down to place a kiss on my lips.
Masterlist
#kpop#kpop imagines#kpop preferences#kpop oneshots#bts#hoseok imagine#hoseok x reader#bts imagines#bts preferences#bts reactions#friends to lovers#jung hoseok#bts army#bts funny#bts incorrect quotes#bts scenarios#bts smut#hobi#jimin imagine#jungkook imagine#kim namjoon#kim seokjin#namjoon imagine#taehyung imagine#yoongi imagine#bts single mom#bts yoongi#bts jhope#jhope imagines#jhope imagine
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What are your favorite stevebucky fics that are AUs not canon compliant and just a whole lot of fluff with a touch of angst.
Ahhh thanks for this ask! I saved it for a lazy Sunday blogging from bed, hope you don’t mind. :) These are all AUs, a variety of lengths from ficlet to full-on NOVEL, and rated T through E, nothing too wild on the sex front, and I think I (hopefully) nailed the fluff:angst ratio. As always mind the tags, though!
Tinder is the Night by rohkeutta (E, 6.8k): is one of my all time all time faves, I’ve probably reread it 5 or 6 times - sexy & fluffy & honestly part of the reason I haven’t given up on tinder yet which I know is siiiiilly but what can ya do
Introduction to Fake Dating Your Best Friend 101 by crinklefries (T, 24k)- Professors AU, fake-dating obviously, pining, super duper cute.
deep dive by Deisderium (E, 16k) - is brand new as of today; Steve is a kids diving coach, Bucky is a single dad thirsting away as the swim trucks mysteriously get smaller, and smaller... and smaller
Heckin’ Chunker for Love by canistakahari (T, 2.7k) - just the absolute sweetest. Bucky’s cat’s name is Chunk.
Put It on Repeat, It Stays the Same by giselleslash (E, 20k) - these doofuses get snowed in together & have some realizations. So soft, so lovely, thank u snow.
our golden age by augustbird (E, 148k) - modern Royalty AU, super beautiful, more angst than some of my other selections but has a happily ever after. I might reread this one today & give you a better answer on exactly how much angst we’re looking at here, especially because it’s a solid time investment.
And these ones are shrunkyclunks aka. Captain America Steve/modern Bucky which I hope still meets your prompt:
Boeuf Mystère by galwednesday (T, 1.2k) - so Michelin restaurant inspectors are basically undercover agents.... just gonna paste part of the author’s notes here lol: #Shrunkyclunks AU where Steve’s a SHIELD agent and Bucky’s a Michelin inspector and they both think they have the same jobs #Bucky: I’m sorry babe they’re onto me we gotta move #Steve: okay honey I got your back *busts open the floor to grab go-bag full of cash and passports and guns* #Bucky: quick question #Bucky: what the fUCK
Stop interrupting my grinding series by rohkeutta (T-M, 33k across 6 works)- again, I think I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read this. Just GO READ IT and then come scream with me about this Bucky & his varied & splendid leggings. A pure delight that never fails to make me laugh.
Save a Horse, Ride a Captain by galwednesday (T, 2.7k) - Bucky gets drunk and asks a hottie for a piggyback ride. Contains one of my fave things, a deLIGHTFUL group chat conversation.
This was so fun, thank you! Let me know if y’all read any of them & enjoyed! But before that make sure to kudos (& comment if you can)! I love sharing great fics, we should do recs more often.
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Top 5 Manner of Death scenes/moments? 👀
ask me my top 5 anything 🌸
AAAA JAMIE YOU JUST GET ME - and i promise not to talk about the novel vs show differences too much
inspector m and his big idiot crush on bunn and complete lack of game. he fumbled such a bad bitch like bunn but it's okay because he ended up in one of my favorite ships ever (yes i acknowledge it's just crumbs of a ship but i adore them.) i'm obsessed with any fanfics that have them being best friends after everything settles down because the groundwork was definitely there.
i want him to squish me like a bug. i just enjoy this is one of the few scenes where we really see tan's dam side come out and see this side of his life. it's easy to forget that tan is a criminal and has been working for a crime family, it's his love for bunn that brings out his sense of justice and protective side.
i've talked about the shower scene before but ugh. UGH. give me more soft, caring moments like this. like, this is behavior i'd expect from a couple that has been together for a while and i love that. so many shows are all about a couple getting together and the lead up to that but i like the adult relationship we get from tan and bunn and these little moments of love and maturity we see from their relationship. (and this is one of the few scenes actually in the book too lmao)
i thought for SURE his confrontation with gun was going to end up a cringy 'i'm taking you into the station' bullshit but LMAAAAO. nope, m just unloads his ENTIRE CLIP into this man. god that was so sexy of him, chasing him down while holding in his guts and taking his revenge. fuck yes baby. and just keeping that cold stare the whole time? oughghgh.
"Why do you look like this every time I come to see you? You are stubborn, you know? So stubborn that I don't want you to leave my sight. So stubborn that I don't want to let you go anywhere. I'm really sorry… for not being by your side. It's my fault. I'm not so stubborn as you. If I had been more stubborn and followed you… If I had shared half of your stubbornness, you wouldn't have been hurt like this. Please give me one more chance. Please let me protect you. Come back and be my stubborn baby."
imo this is some of max's best acting. this scene really drove home tan's absolute devotion and pure love he has for bunn. all he's ever wanted was to keep bunn safe and he feels like a complete failure because he didn't. and then to add in that at this point in time bunn is still very much angry with him but he doesn't care, bunn can be angry with him because at least that means bunn is alive and well. UGH. TANBUNN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
bonus because they're like one of my top 3 ships:
the fact that this is one of the handful of times we see inspector m smile, much less laugh. i just know if we'd been given a sequel they would've been the cutest fucking couple. i need more moat fic to exist in the world.
(this was so hard and im SURE i forgot some of my fav scenes but these are what stood out while i was flipping through eps)
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My FUCKING maths teacher
RIGHT LISTEN UP! My maths teacher is an absolute cunt that pisses me off sm. And no i’m not ‘just a moody teenager’ she genuinely hates me so that is what i do back!
This is how it went:
i had a great teacher for around 7 months last year lets call her Miss Taco. so Miss Taco was this really cool chick that would get jokes and not have a go at you BUT Actually TEACH YOU SHIT!(Bare in mind that i could’ve lost my spot in top set because i had shit going on and i was slacking i didn't loose it because of her) I could be making whale sounds under the table and she wouldn't care about it as long as you dint do it when she was talking. she was the best teacher to have because she also UNDERSTOOD SARCASM. DO YOU KNOW HOW RARE THAT IS?!
Well anyway this year i got a different one. say her name is Mrs Arse.
Mrs Arse is such an AGSAUYFSUGFUSGY!
Like she doesn't teach shit
she shouts
she tries to ALWAYS FUCKING EMBARRASS ME
FUCKING KEEPS HAVING A GO AT ME
I COULD MOVE DOWN A SET CAUSE OF HER
SHE WOULD ‘EXPLAIN’ HOW TO DO SOMETHING THEN GO “WAIT NO THATS WRONG” AND WE HAVE TO RE WRIE THE WHOLE THING AAAND CATCH UP
SHE GOES TOO FAST AND THEN GETS IN A MOOD
ok and this literaly happened before:
situation 1: We had a maths lesson in a different room that also happened to be MY form room so i was with 2 other people and i walk in and she jut starts shouting at JUST ME! “ HOW RUDE!” and “W COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?!” and im there like I literally just walked into a fuCKING CLASSROOM CALM YOUR SAGGY TITS YOU FUKING BITcH! you literally start having a go at me because I WALkED INTO A CLASSROOM?! WTH?! she stood there for like 5 minutes not letting me go inside having a go at me because of that.
Situation 2: We were having an inspection like thing right and i walk just a minute lte and my friend decided to walk me to my class because shes a sexy bitch yh. so i walk in and she goes “Why are you late?” i say nothing because i don’t necessary want to start off badly and she carried on like “ why did that girl walk you here?” and i reply “because shes a nice person”
she just glares a me and for the rest of the lesson she asks ME LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE QUESTION *IM NOT OKAY (MCR)* TO RY TO EMBARRASS ME IN FRONT OF THE CLASS AND INSPECTOR so I made comments and i sear she could hear me so once i got a question wrong she smirks and says something like “can someone explain to (my name) why this happens” and im like ??? Ik why it happens i just got the answer wrong by like 0.5!
(i could carry on to hat happened but it was just me answering bck to her)
Situation 3: I was wearing a hoodie that is for Games and PE an she said to take it of so i like a reasonable human 't listen and ignore her. she asks again for me and my friend to do it so she asks to go to the toilet to do so because she wears a head scarf and she will have to redo it. Mrs ARSE says yes so i go and ask to go to the toilet to take it off because i feel so awkward doing in in class and she asks why and i just say because i feel weird doing it in class and shes like idc go sit downn and do it and i again ignore that because shes always salty a e so she gives me a warning because Im UNCOMFORTABLE TAKING SOMETHING OFF IN CLASS so i sit down grumpily and take it off. she gives us some work and someone says eve’ve done it and i say “yeah we have but it was with different numbers” and she gave me a Yellow card! like WTH I WAS JUST ANSWERING SOMETHING! so i kept on ying rude remarks to myself and at the end of the lesson she says for me and m friend to stay back because she got a red card.
i stay back and she asks for my planner. im like i dont have it with me
she says why
-i left it at home
-where?
i make a strange look _my room
_are you sure it not in your bag? she eyes it
i roll my eyes and literally open my bag so the shit in is is kinda visibl e(bare in mind its a bag that doesnt close) and say -yes im sure
and just leave
there is more where she was actually being a cunt to me for no actual reason but this shit is what happened in the past few lessons
she also cant teach shit.
thank ik none of you read this but t was good to type this shit!
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Misc Fanfictions (6/4/18)
These are fics with less than five stories in each category. Use ctrl+F to look for whichever category that you want.
Categories are as follows: Scorpion, Ace Attorney, Avatar: TLA/LOK, Avengers, Agent Carter, Beauty and the Beast, Bob's Burgers, Dead Like Me, Disney's The Little Mermaid, Doctor Who, Fruits Basket, FullMetal Alchemist, Guardians of the Galaxy, Hannibal, Hellsing, Hey Arnold!, How to Train Your Dragon, Howl's Moving Castle, Jupiter Ascending, Labyrinth, The Librarians, Moana, Mulan, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pokemon, Shall We Date: Wizardess Heart, Sherlock, Sky High, Stargate: SG1/Atlantis/Universe, Stranger Things, Teen Titans, Torchwood, Twilight, What's Your Number
New stories are marked with [NEW] before them.
scorpion
Just Like High School by Browneyesparker
Description: It was like high school all over again. He would pull on her proverbial braids and say things just to get her attention. Toby/Quinn.
Words: 1087
Timeline: Normal/none
Pairing: Toby/Happy
Minor: Paige/Walter
Rating: Teen and up
Warnings: You will literally die from fluff overload
Highly Educated & Informed Conclusions by MyseryLuvsCompany
Description: Paige hasn't been well as of late and in true genius style, the boys immediately jump to the wrong conclusion.
Words: 1298
Timeline: None/normal
Pairing: Paige/Walter
Rating: General audiences
Warnings: Just some goofy genius antics
Modus Operandi by shirasade
Description: Sex, if not aimed at procreation, was simple physical release, and Walter never understood why the rest of the world appeared to constantly obsess over it.
Words: 1085
Timeline: None/normal
Pairing: Toby/Walter, with minor mentions of Walter/Paige and Toby/Happy
Rating: Teen, but should probably be Mature
Warnings: Mild sex scenes
Baseline of Attraction by ChaoticByDesign
Description: Paige hadn't expected or been prepared for the feelings that Walter stirred within her heart. There were days when his smug arrogance made her want to throttle him and his 197 IQ, but then there were those unexpected moments when he would do or say something that proved his emotional quotient wasn't as low as he claimed.
-----OoO-----
Paige was brave, compassionate and completely un-intimidated by the genius minds that surrounded her. She was, in a word, extraordinary, and every day that passed made it harder and harder for Walter to ignore the way his heart clenched every time she smiled at him.
Words: 2142
Timeline: Normal
Pairing: Paige/Walter
Rating: Teen and up
Warnings: Just some random fluff
Ace Attorney
Where We Feast by Pyrasaur
Description: They'd both made it this far, so how bad could things be? Godot/Maya, spoilers for T&T
Words: 1671
Timeline: Post Trials and Tribulations
Pairing: Diego/Maya
Rating: M
Warnings: Some sex
Avatar: TLA/LOK
First by Lord Death's Paramour
Description: She nearly always understood him, but it seemed that she could never quite see the "I love you" in his eyes.
Words: 3550
Timeline: It starts up probably before Aang woke up in the ice, and goes past Jet's death
Pairing: Smellerbee/Longshot
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Some sex, but not overly graphic
Prince Zuko: An Owner's Guide & Maintenance Manual by whirleeQ
Description: Congratulations! Now that you've become the owner of a dead sexy firebender, this guide will teach you all you need to know about your PRINCE ZUKO. Non-Fic,Parody
Words: ???
Timeline: Season 1 only
Pairing: Um... I guess one might say you/Zuko... it makes sense when you read it
Rating: N/A
Warnings: There's some mentions of nakkey time with your PRINCE ZUKO and stuff like that, but it's pretty safe to read, I think
Avengers
Mr. & Mrs. Barton (Or: Why Natasha Sends Jennifer Aniston an Annual Apologetic Fruit Basket) by shellybelle
Description: Five years before they meet as Hawkeye and the Black Widow, they meet as Clint and Natasha. There is a romance, a marriage, and then, predictably, everything goes absolutely to hell, and Clint still thinks they should be getting royalty money from the DVD sales of Mr. & Mrs. Smith. (Or: boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl get married. Boy and girl neglect to do background checks.)
Words: 13630
Timeline: AU; Mr. and Mrs. Smith AU
Pairing: Clint/Natasha
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Violence, sex
Agent Carter
Too Soon by ohmyohpioneer
Description: Daniel Sousa knows exactly how many vacation days Peggy has remaining.
Words: 1606
Timeline: Starts in the middle of season 2, and then goes past beyond where Peggy was hurt and diverges from canon and tiny bit.
Pairing: Peggy/Daniel Sousa
Rating: T+
Warnings: Implications of sex, but it's rated T for a reason...
Beauty and the Beast
The Reddest Rose by FizzyLemon
Description: Belle stared up at the figure in horror, falling back over a broken marble bench. She'd meant to be brave. She'd meant to not cry. Yet tears streamed down her cheeks and tremors took her body. She'd done this for her father. The minute he crawled in through the front door coughing and retching with fear, she knew she'd be giving something up.
Words: 26,796
Timeline: It's like a mishmash of all different variations of the Beauty and the Beast story, including the one where Belle has a bunch of shitty sisters, Cupid and Psyche, and the Disney version.
Pairing: Belle/Beast (Adam)
Rating: M
Warnings: There's some sex, but the violence is what I really need to warn about.
Bob's Burgers
Make You Better by weatheredlaw
Description:
Being a teenager is fucking hard sometimes.
Words:
2918
Timeline:
Future where Tina's older
Pairing:
Tina/Zeke
Rating:
T
Warnings:
Some mild slut-shaming and name calling
girl, you just don't realize by agreaterlove
Description: The girl lets her arms fall to her sides and says, "I'm going to inevitably fall in love with one of you." She pauses. "And I pick Jimmy Jr." Zeke's hungry, so he's not really paying attention, but Jimmy Jr's eyebrows immediately shoot up and he exclaims, "I'm sorry, but--who are you?"
(basically the growth of tina and zeke's relationship)
Words: 5620
Timeline: It starts before the beginning of Bob's Burgers, and goes until Tina and Zeke are in their senior year of high school
Pairing: Tina/Zeke
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Tina-related awkwardness
Dead Like Me
Addicted by Emania
Description:
[One Shot] Mason has always been an addict, that isn't going to change...but some addictions just might kill him. Angst. [MasonGeorge] Cross posted under user id803999
Words:
2428
Timeline:
None/normal
Pairing:
George/Mason (onesided?)
Rating:
Teen
Warnings:
Drug use, mild voyurism
Disney's The Little Mermaid
A Fish out of Water by enigmawing
Description:
Perhaps a missing chapter from one of our favorite movies about a certain little mermaid. Rated M for a small amount of sexual selfexploration.
Words:
1637
Timeline:
Normal/None
Pairing:
Eric/Ariel
Rating:
Mature
Warnings:
Graphic female masturbation, minor mentions of penatrative sex
Doctor Who
A Book Before Bedtime by Random-Battlecry
Description:
The Doctor reads a bedtime story. Rose is easily amused. Warning for gratuitous corruption of Dr. Seuss. Oneshot. 9Rose.
Words:
1444
Timeline:
Sometime during 2005 series 1 reboot, I guess
Pairing:
Nine/Rose
Rating:
K
Warnings:
Fluff overload
I'm Sorry by OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles
Description: When Rose finally tells the Doctor how she feels, he gets scared and tells her it can never be. Will he be able to turn back the clock and tell her how he feels? [relatively long songfic] 9Rose
Words: 2101
Timeline: I don't know
Pairing: Rose/Nine
Rating: K
Warnings: Some angst, you might cry if you cry easily, fluff
Ode to a Throwaway Line by LilacFree
Description: Based on a bit of dialogue from the 9th Doctor's first story: 'Rose' and depicts other things going on in London the night of the Auton attack.
Words: 289
Timeline: Set during the very first episode of the 2005 reboot
Pairing: None
Rating: Mature
Warnings: It's goofy and a little bit on the mature side, but it makes sense when you read it
Rose Tyler's History of Sex
Description: At eight, Rose Tyler learns about sex. It all sounds very peculiar. [DoctorRose, RoseMickey, Others]
Words: 3931
Timeline: Goes from the time that Rose is 8 until she dies of old age
Pairing: Rose/9 and 10, Rose/Micky, Rose/several OMCs
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Obviously a lot of talk about sex, but the physical act isn't very graphic at all
It's a bit of a tearjerker at the end
Fruits Basket
A Battle Lost by Mizaya
Description:
Kyoru. 'It was a weakness, letting her into his heart so firmly that he found himself dreaming of being with her forever.' Three-part fic with lime ending. COMPLETE
Words:
14297
Timeline:
Lord knows; don't ask me this
Pairing:
Tohru/Kyo
Rating:
Mature
Warnings:
Mildly graphic sex scenes
Home Schooling by gretel_chan
Description: Shigure gives Tohru some lessons. . . PWP,M/F
Words: ???
Timeline: I don't know/Normal?
Pairing: Shigure/Tohru
Rating: N/A
Warnings: Graphic sex
FullMetal Alchemist
Riza Hawkeye, Cock Inspector by Anne Packrat
Description:
Not quite as bad as it sounds. Though I'm still going to hell for writing it. Riza Hawkeye vs. Roy Mustang in a bad hardboiled detective story. Rated for really bad double entendres, sexual language and situations, and excessive abuse of a single joke.
Words:
1752
Timeline:
I think this counts as an AU?
Pairing:
Um, I'm going to put Riza/Roy and just go...
Rating:
Mature
Warnings:
It makes sense when you read it until the end
Paperwork by Anne Packrat
Description: Roy Mustang will jump at anything that gets him out of paperwork. Unfortunately, this time Riza Hawkeye is that distraction! Rated for sexual language and scenes. Royai. Roy Riza
Words: 903
Timeline: Normal
Pairing: Riza/Roy
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Slightly sexual but nothing very graphic
Guardians of the Galaxy
I Am Groot by sherlocksmyth
Description:
EXTREMELY NSFW fic told from the perspective of Groot.
(Follow me on Tumblr -> marvelcolm.tumblr.com
Twitter: @marvelcolm)
Words:
1308
Timeline:
Normal/none
Pairing:
None
Rating:
Explicit
Warnings:
It makes sense when you read it
Hannibal
CLICK HERE FOR F R E E S L U T S by headbuttingbears
Description:
Will stared at the screen, his face blank.
"Throwback Thursday is a popular theme on the internet," Frederick said, grin audible. "These are from, what? Twenty years ago? How old is… Hot Cops 8: Bareback to the Academy?"
Words:
4,593
Timeline:
It says that it takes place in season 1
Pairing:
Chilton/Grahm
Rating:
Explicit
Warnings:
Gay oral sex, mentions of masturbation, porn consumption
Hellsing
Needing and Wanting by little-boo
Description:
Walter and Seras spend some time together as she can’t sleep. One shot.
Words:
2,519
Timeline:
Normal/none
Pairing:
Seras/Walter
Rating:
Mature
Warnings:
Mild sex scenes. There used to be the full, very graphic, version up on aff.net, but I can no longer find it
Day's Eyes and Moon Pennies by DreadNot
Description: Yes, a Valentine's Day fic. Walter and Seras study Victorian flower language.
Words: 1,132
Timeline: None/Normal
Pairing: Seras/Walter
Rating: K+
Warnings: Just some sweet fluff
Valentine's Day Blunder by kelles
Description: This is my first attempt at humor. Pip wants to give Seras the perfect gift for Valentine's Day and seeks Walter advice. But, the advice was not the best. One shot, PxS. Words: 922
Timeline: Normal/none
Pairing: Seras/Pip
Rating: K+
Warnings: Sexy lingerie, but it's not worn, so I'd say that it's exceptionally safe
Eternal Rose by TeaRoses
Description: Walter muses on his feelings for Seras Victoria (W x S). Very short. Spoilers.
Words: 841
Timeline: Normal/None
Pairing: Onesided Walter/Seras
Rating: K+
Warnings: Just angsty fluff
Hey Arnold!
Second Helpings by AibouFTW
Description: This can’t be happening.
But, sure enough it is. Those emerald eyes, that kind smile, that football-shaped head…Yeah, there’s no mistaking it. He’s here.
Fuck.
Words: 18,743
Timeline: They're all like... in their 20's or something, IDK
Pairing: Helga/Arnold, mentions of Phoebe/Gerald and Rhonda/Curly
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Sex. Hella awkward, too
How to Train Your Dragon
Enough by astrxd
Description:
[Cross posted on my tumblr!] Life on Berk is just beginning to pick back up after Drago's defeat, and everybody has been coping with major changes. When Astrid takes a liking to a particular song (one that sparks many, many memories for Hiccup), the young chief reacts.
Words:
1041
Timeline:
Post second movie
Pairing:
Astrid/Hiccup, minor mentions of Stoick/Valka
Rating:
Not rated, but it's pretty clean
Warnings:
You might cry a little bit
Viking #2 by neurosis (bigspoonnoya)
Description: Normally, Astrid didn’t begrudge the opinions of strangers (or she at least preferred to seem as though she didn’t), but when the whole archipelago is hunting you down because they’re mistakenly convinced you’re dating the Pride of Berk, Hope and Heir of the Hooligan Tribe, Dragon Master et al—that’s annoying. And mortifying. Mainly mortifying.
Words: 59856
Timeline: Post the first movie
Pairing: Astrid/Hiccup
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Some sex, some violence
Summer Goes by Barkour
Description: Summer goes, but Astrid stays. That must stand for something. (Or: Hiccup and Astrid make out and discuss feelings in a meadow.)
Words: 5555
Timeline: Post second movie
Pairing: Astric/Hiccup
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic oral sex
Seize My Heart by oh_you_pretty_things
Description: He was so persistent and his tenacity annoyed her. He was so clever and his innovation annoyed her. He wore his emotions on his face so openly and that annoyed her. But what annoyed her more than anything was how much she noticed him. A series of short vignettes about Astrid and Hiccup. HTTYD2 spoilers.
Words: 51,459
Timeline: It starts off when Astrid and Hiccup are pretty young, and then goes way past the second movie
Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid
Rating: M
Warnings: Sex, miscarriage, violence, brief mentions of torture, PTSD
You will probably cry.
Howl's Moving Castle
As Others See by JediShampoo
Description:
A magical misfire ends with the wrong Howls in the wrong worlds. HMC movie crossover with HMC book. Romance, light humor, light angst. Warning for adult scenes. Complete.
Words:
39368
Timeline:
It's a crossover between the book and the movie; both post their respective endings (but the book timeline is before the sequel)
Pairing:
Book Howell/Book Sophie, Movie Howl/Movie Sophie, Movie Howl/Book Sophie, Book Howell/Movie Sophie
Rating:
Mature
Warnings:
Some mild sex scenes
Jupiter Ascending
out of the woods by encroix
Description:
A girl wanders into the woods, and is led off the path by a wolf who devours her.
A girl wanders into the woods. A girl falls off the path. A girl finds a wolf.
This is not the same story.
Words:
15,247
Timeline:
Post movie
Pairing:
Jupiter/Caine
Rating:
Explicit
Warnings:
Sex
Labyrinth
An After Dark Fairy Tale by Mrs. Pepperpot
Description:
Sarah Williams never believed her experience in the Labyrinth was anything more than a dream. Nine years later, she's a struggling actress in desperate need of a job. What's to become of her when she falls into the Midnight Prince's grasp?
Words:
26,343
Timeline:
9 years after the movie
Pairing:
Jareth/Sarah
Rating:
M
Warnings:
Mildly graphic sex that's a little on the dubious side, human and sex trafficking
A Carnival of Dreams by PaintedGlass
Description: He's held control of her dreams for so long; it can only be a matter of time before he comes to claim her.
Words: 74225
Timeline: 6 years after the movie
Pairing: Sarah/Jareth
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic sex, lots of angst, hella long
Redefine by Woubazoid
Description:They know how to play games. It's once the pieces are put away and the game is over that they're not sure what to do. Ten years after the end of Labyrinth.
Words: 30428
Timeline: Ten years after the movie
Pairing: Sarah/Jareth
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Mildly graphic sex, it's pretty long and crammed into one chapter
Mad World by Annissa
Description: Later, Jareth would look back on the moment just before her sudden and unexpected arrival to reassure himself that he hadn’t made any wishes. Wishes always demand payment, and some wishes have far higher prices than others.
Words: 98,809
Timeline: It's ~3 years after the movie? And then it just goes wild for a long time
Pairing: Sarah/Jareth
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic sex
Some implied child molestation and various child abuse, but it all feeds back into the "The gobling king takes children away from shitty situations". (But the story totally could have gone on without them, though, so I feel like it's just sort of shitty... Whatever.)
The Librarians
Summer of Fluff by angellwings, Imagination_Parade, justlook3
Description:
A collection of short, unrelated one-shots written from prompts sent to us on the JassandraTrash Tumblr blog as part of our Summer Fluffathon Celebration
Words:
12,008
Timeline:
They're all sort of all over the place...
Pairing:
Jacob/Cassandra
Rating:
General
Warnings:
Just a bunch of fluff. Some brief mentions of characters having had sex, but the actual sex is always off screen.
And the Global Phenomenon by Imagination_Parade
Description: Some of the Librarians have gotten swept up in the Pokemon Go craze that's currently sweeping the globe...while others are left wondering what the heck has come over the team. A fun little team fic that you'll probably be able to relate to, whether you play the game or not!
Words: 1699
Timeline: Obviously right after Pokemon Go came out...
Pairing: None
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Mayhem and job ignoring because of Pokemon
Under the Mistletoe by Imagination_Parade
Description: The Library knows what's going on between Stone and Cassandra. He sees all the looks, the smiles, the gentle flirting. Now, Christmas is approaching, and before the festive season is over, the Library's going to make sure those two end up under the mistletoe every time the opportunity presents itself. Maybe all they need is a gentle nudge in the right direction.
Words: 3171
Timeline: Post that one episode with Jake's dad
Pairing: Jake/Cassandra
Rating: General
Warnings: Just some holiday fluff; nothing more!
Moana
Totally Worth It by BadOctopus
Description: "Do you really think I came all the way here, and stole you from your island on the night before your wedding, because I feel sorry for you?"
Timeline: Post Movie
Pairing: Maui/Moana
Rating: Teen
Warnings: A lot of awkward fluff and some makeouts
Smitten by NRGburst
Description: “I am a demigod, okay? Stop that! I will smite you! You want to get… smote? Smoten?”
Timeline: Post movie
Pairing: Maui/Moana
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Masturbation, although the actual sex is rather glossed over and it's a little disapointing.
By Skies and Sea by Islenthatur
Description: She prayed to the god's for Maui to find that love he desired, to fine anyone who would forever be by his side so he didn't have to suffer the frailty of mortality to an endless sky of immortality. It just took a while for her to realise they already did.
Timeline: Post movie
Pairing: Maui/Moana
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Just some mildly angsty fluff
Mulan
Sweet Water by wendybyrd
(Sequel:
Chasing Madame Cloud Splendor by Illyana Lian-hua Wendybyrd
)
Description:
Mulan, Shang, a river by moonlight..... Those who would see this as profane look away! Hide your eyes, for yes! I have brought sex into the story. (By popular request, a continuation of Wendybrd's "Sweet Water." Take note of the rating, this is our evocative version of Mulan.)
Words:
4,917 (28,200)
Timeline:
The first part happens just before Shang tries to send “Ping” home, and the sequel spans across the rest of the movie, and then some
Pairing:
Mulan (Ping)/Shang
Rating:
Mature/Mature
Warnings:
Graphic sex, some homosexuality until Shang realizes that Ping is actually Mulan
Pirates of the Caribbean
The Kiss by Lost and Found Puppy
Description:
It was worth it. Bugger, was it worth it. JackElizabeth, shortshort
Words:
569
Timeline:
Second movie (I think?)
Pairing:
Jack/Elizabeth
Rating:
Teen
Warnings:
Um... fluffy Jack thoughts about Liz?
Pokemon
1NEW1
Growth by thatonewriterchick
Description:
Guzma’s done a lot of growing in the decade since reemerging from the wormhole. But he’s still fighting to get and keep things he feels he doesn’t really deserve.
Words:
27,089
Timeline:
Ten years after the end of Sun/Moon
Pairing:
Guzma/Moon, mentions of Gladion/Moon
Rating:
Explicit
Warnings:
Sex, mentions of physical child abuse
1NEW1 Healing by irinokat
Description: Seeing Guzma back with his parents is a bit more painful than you might realize at first.
Words: 78,561
Timeline: It's a few months after the end of Sun/Moon
Pairing: Guzma/You (female reader)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Sex, physical/domestic abuse
1NEW1 Not Safe For Work by filthy_rat
Description: It's been a year and a half since Team Skull was actually a thing, and ex-boss Guzma is trying his best to be a better person. He's gotten a job at the local Pokecenter cafe, catering to demanding customers day in and day out to pay the rent on a crappy trailer he shares with his golisopod. He meets Crysta a few months after Team Skull disbands, and the two become fast friends. When he leaves his hoodie, the only thing he's kept from those days, at her apartment during a party, she decides to keep it... Just for a little bit.
Words: 9007
Timeline: A year and a half post game, I guess?
Pairing: Guzma/OC
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Sex. There's also a mildly NSFW picture about halfway into the story, so... take warning
Shall We Date: Wizardess Heart
What's Mine Is Yours by caustickitty
Description:
In which we discover that Elias and Klaus are good at sharing... at least when it comes to MC.
A warning: I didn’t tag this with incest, because there isn’t any physical contact or attraction between Klaus and Elias. There is more of a voyeurism kink to this story than anything else. But it’s still a story about group sex with two brothers, so… yeah, if that kind of thing bothers you, you should probably skip this.
Words:
7420
Timeline:
I'm not quite sure, but sometime after she's accepted, although it's probably during her Klaus route.
Pairing:
Klaus/MC/Elias threesome
Rating:
Mature
Warnings:
Graphic sex and some mild language
Sherlock
Three-Quarters Curiosity by Tallulah99
Description:
Curiosity has always been the driving force in the life of Sherlock Holmes. Tonight it drives him to embark on a potential experiment that means working with volatile elements and potentially explosive results...and Molly Hooper. Written for the '50 Reasons to Have (Sherlolly) Sex' meme on tumblr. Sherlolly. Rated M for a reason. Incredible cover art byFlavialikestodraw.
Words:
6846
Timeline:
Don't ask me this/Normal?
Pairing:
Molly/Sherlock
Rating:
Mature
Warnings:
Graphic Sex
Sky High
Honestly by pandacowhipster
Description:
“We’ve gotta stop meeting like this."
“I wouldn’t call you stalking me at work every time you get stood up ‘meeting’, but I agree, please stop.”
Words:
4275
Timeline:
Post high school
Pairing:
Warren/Layla
Rating:
T
Warnings:
There was some mild mentions of sex, but you have to squint to see it
And kissing. There's some kissing, too
When we were strangers (or five ways Layla and Warren never met)
Description: Five ways Layla and Warren never met
Words: 5110
Timeline: All AUs
Pairing: Warren/Layla, some mentions of Layla/Wil and Warren/random girl
Rating: General audiences
Warnings: There was some mild mentions of sex/one night stands, but it was really minor
Stargate: SG1/Atlantis/Universe
The Cat by Kuna Yashmaa
Description:
This is an old Wraith–related story. I’m just resubmitting it.
Words:
2,246
Timeline:
Um... none?
Pairing:
None
Rating:
T
Warnings:
The ending is mildly depressing
Stranger Things
The Time After The First Time by apollos
Description: This is a love like no other.
The first time Nancy and Jonathan have sex after the gate closes and all the emotions and realizations that come along with it.
Words: 5841
Timeline: Post Season 2
Pairing: Johnathan/Nancy
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Sex
Teen Titans
Badedas by Salmon Pink
Description:
Starfire wants to learn of Earth customs, and she wants to experience everything, and she wants to experience EVERYTHING. Starfire x Raven
Words:
2836
Timeline:
Normal?
Pairing:
Main: Starfire/Raven (onesided)
Minor mentions of: Starfire/Nightwing
Rating:
Mature
Warnings:
Female masturbation
It's All Tamaranean to Me by Takashi Miike
Description: One shot: Robin and Starfire, at last, have time to become intimate. Warning: graphic sexual content. First posted fic. Review please.
Words: 3119
Timeline: Normal?
Pairing: Robin/Starfire
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Pretty graphic sex
...I'm not quite sure that I can properly describe what happens at the end, but just read it, okay?
Torchwood
In Heat by samstjames
Description:
N/A
Words:
???
Timeline:
I don't know
Pairing:
Jack/Gwen
Rating:
R
Warnings:
Graphic Sex
Twilight
If Bella Were Sane by The One Called Demetra
Description:
The events of Twilight, had Bella been the only sane woman in the Twilight universe. Diarystyle. T because normal teenagers don't say 'Holy crow' when they swear.
Words:
4675
Timeline:
It spans the entire Twilight series
Pairing:
Bella/Mike, Bella/Jacob, one-sided Bella/Edward
Rating:
Teen
Warnings:
Mostly just some swearing and Edward being creepy as fuck, but there is some talk of rape at the end (it makes sense when you read it)
What's Your Number?
be the change by torigates
Description: Colin lived in his apartment for almost four years before he ever said more than a “Hello,” or “Good morning,” to the girl in 6C, Allison Darling.
Words: 6148
Timeline: Before and during the movie, and a tiny little bit after it
Pairing: Ally/Colin
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Sex, but it's about in line with the movie, with the exception of an oral scene
0 notes
Text
LET'S GO MOD FINALE ( I can't do this)
Wait fucking wait!!!! He wasn't gonna report Rung immediately??!!!
Never mind Pued gets more negative points (he never had any positive points to be honest)
Fucking bitch 10 years fucking bitch!!! I fucking hate it here, she really did it because of that.
"You Bitch" That's a very correct statement, but like make it worse for her.
Damn right!!! Fucking take revenge on him! Why Jane???!!!
Broooooo you fucking idiot!!!!! You never tell the bad guys you got evidence!!!! Have they learned nothing!!!! Who tf even does that you what the fuckkkkkk?????
They are both the same but Rung is worse, god so much worse.
I didn't want Pued dead! I wanted to see him suffer, I wanted to see him live with the guilt of everything he did. I wanted that shit on his consciousness eating him Alive. I wanted him to feel at least 1% of the pain Jane felt.
She kills and cried, god I hate her so much!
Por... No. This shit preplanned I just know it.
Y'all aren't siblings shut up!
Not the time Tan
Why these two always doing this shit in serious moments?
I can understand where Tan is coming from. No matter the differences, a lot of us have a strange attachment to family. Especially if we grew up in contact with them. Even if they don't treat us well. We always have that attachment.
Yo, you guys send a copy to the kids. Go there and get the kids to upload it.
Ohhh the kids are doing something.....
Fire.
Even the goons are dumb, they let them through without checking for weapons the fuck.
IDIOTS, ALL OF YOU. FUCKING IDIOTS.
Inspector M please come through.
SCATTERED YEAHHHHHH
Inspector M!!! Omg he's sooo sexy ahahahahahahaha
MOat!!! Yesssss baby I ship it 😳😳😳
Don't waste bullets!!! I literally just complimented you please.
He kept sorawit against his chest uwu
The book!!!!
THE CLOUD STORAGE!!!
THE BOOK!!!!
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHSHSHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAJAHJSJAJSHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHSHDHDHDHSHSHSHDHDHHDHDHD FUCK YESSSSSSSSSSS
Pardon me is the new Fuck You
Omg they hugged!!!!!
The smart guys face at the hug though lmao!!!!
He wants a hug too, that was cute 😂
Fuck yesssss
Kinda wanted Rung to be tortured before death though....
Inspector M and Oat ajajjdkwjfjtng
Yoooo this though, the ship is sailing!!!!
That smile hahaha uwu
teacher Tan!!!
Omg Nam 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I love you so much!!! All the best to you queen!!! I wish only happiness for you.
That looking as fine as ever.
Omg they are adorable!!!!
Watch it be something stupidly romantic omg janskkf
What if it's Inspector M, That and Sorn
Tan, Bun will whoop your ass, if this is a joke.
Fucking called it!!!!
Little fawn sjkwjdkfmg
I fucking hate him so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Is this a marriage proposal??!! Hwnsjwkfkwkgkg
They are getting anandjmgfmarrieednajsnfm
They are married 😭😭😭😭😭
Omg it's over... What now.....
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