#it has been a v long time since I posted any kind of poem on here but yk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pen-observing · 2 years

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Helloo Aqua beloved~ for the fic ask game:

My favorite fic of yours

It's that one Satan drabble inspired on Thomas Moore's poem? I don't think I had this account when I first read it :| and idk how it made its way to me but.....something about it. It was literally so formative in the way I see Satan? I really love it lots, and also adore the poem itself, so when I read it the first time it was li a little epiphany lol like "oh uhm this one is it!!" i hold it so close to my heart....

& talking abt heart and such... The one of "I carry your heart etc etc and barbatos also LITERALLY lives rent free on my head....

A fic of yours that i've re-read

I'll shamelessly admit to going back to every one of your Barbatos pieces every time i want to write about him myself, to like. get a better grasp of him? Yes my queen i go to your fanfiction instead of canon stuff ;;-;; your characterization of him is like. the most thing ever.

A character/ship I didn't enjoy/think about as much before you wrote about them

Also super predictable but yes, it is Barbatos too... I don't think or care about him nearly...at all,, unless it is in your writing specifically. l think a lot of it has to do with the fact that when we write abt a character we love it really shows and it makes the whole thing really compelling? But also that you're just THAT skilled with words that can hold my attention even with guys wouldn't normally think about sjsjdj.

What I like the most about your writing

Ughhh aqua you have such a lovely way with words in general? What I adore the most in your stuff is the way it flows, it feels v familiar to me for some reason ;;-;; even lyrical at times but not too much and your sentences have a nice feeling of vague movement to them, kind of like a the lull of water? If that makes any sense at all? You're very soothing to read and I love it because it's not like I read for the plot and what will happen next, but to savor every little paragraph on its own<3

head in hands trying to dry my tears from this sweet sweet ask while im saving it as a screenshot to look at whenever i feel sad

i often feel like my satan works are lacking in number or in quality or maybe just because i find him so similar to myself so im trying to completely ask myself 'how would satan' and ignore the 'how would i' questions when i write him so hearing this gives me more confidence in actually writing for him. i carry your heart ahgggn,, i actually had to write that one a second time since i was young and foolish and wrote on the tumblr post itself instead of in a doc aasklj. thank you for carrying it in your heart!

you do what?!! hugs and kisses and more hugs and more kisses to you!! thank you!! i think i so easily remember things about people that i love and that includes fictional characters lmao so grasping his characterisation has never really been hard for me + he spent so much time on the sidelines writing for him purely based on the game alone would just mean a robotic man before like the last few lessons we have ajksdad

OMG i joked like when i started this blog that it was purely to spread 'barbatos agenda' and create more fans for him but i completely understand what you mean. if the writer i like writes a character i am indifferent about i will still read the fuck out of it (e.g. i am personally indifferent towards belphie but i read him a lot askjdad)

I AM ASKING FOR YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE RIGHT NOW (if u hate the idea of marriage then pls your hand in handholding on a picnic) !! i called myself aqua on here because (amongst other things) in many ways i wanted to convey that writing,,,can be like the water. and for me it personally is. it can also be like sunlight or like a mystery castle or a sensual brush of fingertips - it depends on the writer themselves so hearing that you actually perceive it as such makes me so so happy ahhhh!! i am well aware my writing style doesn't suit long series or action or plot because it focuses more on emotional moments?? in a way and im totally okay with that and had to recognise it. it just means that my writing, just like any other, isn't 'commercial' or 'for everyone to stan' asdka but knowing that you appreciate it so much makes it all the more worth it.

thank you once again! now i am going to cry over this ask in peace! ily!!

#Ask Aqua #kisses and hugs and a ring and also tears #baalism

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logically-asexual · 3 years

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okay i'm already procrastinating and i don't plan on sleeping any time soon so here we go.

☆ ✩ my personal ranking for every season 1 Sanders Sides episode. ✩ ☆

i think it's going to be pretty similar to @dukeofonions' but let's see if i find something new to contribute haha. i see you didn't include that one about Patton in the Big Game or whatever, so i'm not including it either xd. also i think i'm going to count Accepting Anxiety as one episode only.

edit: i finished and now i dare you to drink a shot of water every time i say the word spanish or a version of the word comfort and become very well hydrated.

#16 I'm in a Disney Show

(i agree with dukeofonions here) i always forget this episode exists. it was ok in terms of being happy for real life Thomas but as a Sanders Sides episode it didn't do anything. the sides were just giving their opinions but it wasn't very funny or interesting. also i'm bitter because it made me look up the episode he was in and i didn't like it at all. i don't know if i'm too old for those Disney shows now but Thomas was literally the only good part of it, everything else was really dull and boring imo. a waste of time.

however, Logan supporting clickbait is one of the funniest things ever, and i'll never forget it.

#15 Becoming A Cartoon

i didn't hate this episode but it was just .. meh.. you know? several factors contribute to this. one, i couldn't feel much nostalgia for Butch Hartman's shows because i watched them in Spanish, and everything feels really weird when they speak English, i don't like how my old cartoons sound in English. two, it was disappointing to me because we were all desperately waiting for Plot™ and instead they give us this short episode about nothing (oh how the tables have turned now it's the other way around haha). and three, i didn't like the style of the animation :/ their faces and expressions freaked me out, Roman's douchey face still haunts me.

#14 Way Too Adult

here i'm biased because i don't like Patton much, and i didn't back when i watched the series the first time either, so this video was a little disappointingwithout the rest. also it wasn't relatable to me because i am still too young and dependent on my parents haha. but Patton is funny and it's funny to laugh at Thomas' struggling.

#13 The Dark Side of Disney

i've never been a fan of Disney movies. i actually never watched Mulan or the Lion King or Aladdin as a kid, so meh. i liked the ending, though, it was cool to see Virgil have fun and be right for once. it does make me a bit uncomfortable because the way Thomas tries too hard with Virgil's mouth movements and his low voice reminds me of a guy that had made me v uncomfortable not long before watching that video. so an icky feel overall.

#12 A New Year of Lying to Myself

this video was actually kind of fogettable to me. i had a hard time connecting the voices in the song to the characters and idk. i don't love it nor hate it, just .. neutral.

#11 My True Identity

pretty much the same opinion as dukeofonions, again. it's a good introduction and it's good that it was the beginning of it all but on its own it's not very special. i think it's awesome on Thomas to have come up with such a clever idea, like choosing the dad, the teacher and the prince and putting them together and match them with thoughts?? that fit so perfectly?? it really is just very impressive when you think about it, that it was just a random idea he had for a short 5 minute video.

#10 Taking on Anxiety

i liked this video a lot because when i watched it i had recently been a lot on tumblr, and found out through relatable posts that i had anxiety. so watching this video was really fun and it made me happy to feel so seen, specially the intro when Thomas just talks about what it's like to have Anxiety and Virgil is so smug about it.

- ★ -

okay now that those are out of the way things are going to get hard... all the following i love with all my heart so i'm going to rank them based on the smallest things.

#9 Growing Up

once more, Patton isn't my favorite. so that's why i'm putting this here, plus the echo at the end askjhsahg, but i love love this video. i remember we were waiting and oh so ready for the angst of nobody taking Patton seriously. and we received!! i love that though Roman and Logan are antagonists here, they're both so happy about Thomas wanting to have a healthy life. and i just adore the way Logan admits his mistake at the end and asks Patton directly. my heart... also aw.. the nostalgia. i remember none of us knew how to spell Patton's name and were writing it in very funny ways until Thomas and Joan told us lol.

#8 The Mind vs The Heart

when i watched this video the first times i didn't like it much, because i only had eyes for Virgil, but later i came back to it and loved it. so taking that into account i'm putting it here. logicality was the first ship i ever shipped in the show because i saw a gifset on tumblr of Patton screaming "what do you know about love?!" and Logan "apparently more than YOU" and the caption said "MARRIED", and i thought hey yeah... anyway. i love them. they're both my dads since that day.

this video is so so so relatable and i love it. Logan and Patton are so much fun arguing and i love how they compromise at the end and work together. im reconsidering.. i might move it higher? no, fine i'll leave it here.

#7 Making Some Changes

this video was absolutely hilarious. i personally couldn't see it as the Sides still once they were acted by Thomas' friends, i enjoyed it more as that bunch being silly and trying to be the sides but failing in so many ways, while sometimes nailing stuff suddenly. i really don't take this one too seriously as an episode. except Joan!Logan and Valerie!Logan, my beloved... i love how Joan acted as Logan and their voice and that they kept their ace ring on.. there's a reason i had them as my icon for so long. and Valerie looks a bit (a lot) like me with the glasses and dressed in dark colors, plus she spoke Spanish and there's .. no words to describe the joy i felt when seeing/hearing that. wait i'm getting emotional...

#6 My Personality Q&A

when i watched this Virgil was my favorite side and i didn't care much about the rest lol. when i heard his answers i related to him SO much it was scary, and also his voice is so soft and it was all very comforting. it was also when i first starting looking at Logan with more attention, because when he brought up Big Hero 6 and Fall Out Boy and said he didn't sing and would recite it like a poem? it only took a couple seconds but my brain said "me" and never went back.

now this video is a little underwhelming to watch for me, most of the appeal for me was in finding out the answers, and also watching it when we didn't know a lot about the sides. now we know more and want to know more so it's not as fun to me as it was first.

i wish so bad they'd do another one, although i know it would be more difficult with a much bigger audience, i think they can manage and i just need it. the chaos.. the energy.. they all being so savage with each other, learning little random facts about them you didn't expect.. i need it.

- ★ -

oh boy top 5 here we go. the next three are practically a tie. i can't choose.

#5 Alone on Valentines Day

i love Valerie, and the idea of this video was perfect and so perfectly excecuted. every side just giving their crazy opinions on how to woo a random stranger, i laughed SO much. first with Logan speaking simlish out of nowhere? at that point i didn't know practically anything about the sims except that it was some video game and the whiplash of Logan going AYO and the rest killed me. then when Roman whipped out that dialogue in Spanish??? my life was completed. i've never felt more happy than i did in that moment gosh. just the hilarity of Roman's drama, the shock of them speaking Spanish suddenly like that, the absolute JOY of seeing a creator i like speak (may i say) perfect Spanish, the other characters' faces after that.. never been happier.

also the conclusion was so cute. Virgil solving the whole problem without wanting to. i loved it.

#4 Am I Original

i think this video speaks for itself. it was fun to watch them all do the ideas Roman had, plus Logan and Virgil nodding at each other, (i love them so much), plus the angst at the end of Roman's perfectionism, plus Roman's just perfect name. this video has it all.

i think Thomas posted it kind of late at night and i watched it at 7am in the classroom as i waited for my classmates to arrive and the class to start. (i usually was like 40 minutes early to school due to mom’s work). i had to contain my laughter and it wasn’t easy.

#3 Losing My Motivation

i started loving this video after a while, when Logan passed Virgil in the position for my favorite side. but once he did this episode was beautiful. it's so funny and i love Logan and Patton's dynamic so much. and the video also so damn relatable in general. i felt so seen with it because they named all the problems i have when procrastinating, down to Patton's vague explanation of his feelings, it's exactly how i feel every time i want to do stuff. and the plot twist! i can hear the dramatic sound effect and see how they all turn to Logan clearly in my head, and it always makes me smile. plus there's so much Logan angst that can be dug up and overanalized. i love to watch it over and over.

#2 Accepting Anxiety

this video was perfect. everything we wanted. we knew it was coming and it delivered perfectly, better than any fanfic done in the waiting time. the week between the parts was agonizing but in a fun way somehow. i remember precisely when i was watching part 2 in my living room. i screamed. and i cried, a lot. i was feeling terrible at that time in my life and Thomas was such a comforting presence and i can't begin to describe how this episode made me feel.

and later it is always fun to rewatch with all their different reactions to being in Virgil's room, the energy of that was on point. Thomas is such a great actor and the characters where just amazingly performed. plus it gave so much to talk adn think about, the idea of the rooms, lots lots of insight into the characters, foreshadowing, so much. it's just perfect i have nothing else to say.

#1 (for purely emotional reasons, ironically) My Negative Thinking

i think Accepting Anxiety is the best episode of the season objectively but my favorite is My Negative Thinking. because i love Virgil and Logan so much and seeing them argue together was and is great. the comfort.. i can't repeat that word enough throughout this post. it's such a soft video while not being overwhelming with Patton and Roman's outbursts. just quiet (mostly) and clear and with perfectly timed humour.

Logan my beloved.. learning spanish... helping me with my own anxiety.. and their debate was so good. and the fact that they were friends i- i can't. Virgil didn't think Logan liked him and Logan told him explicitly that he did and the casual softness of it i cant even. Logan is happy that he tried.. it's just marvelous. Virgil and Logan as best friends will always be my favorite pair, and their dynamic will always be what i strive for in any relationship i might form, with both sides silently comforting each other within their own limits and realistic perspectives. so nice.

- ★ -

so yeah. that's all. thank you if you read all the way up to here. ♡ ♡ ♡

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders

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45paperplates · 3 years

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More about Olivia Rodrigo: On her Lyrics

Starting some time in 2018 or maybe a little earlier, Olivia Rodrigo began to play original songs, or more often pieces of songs, one verse and a chorus, apparently unfinished, for her followers on Instagram Live. She was about fifteen at the time, although one of the more complete songs (“Naive Girl”) can be confirmed to date back to 2014 or 2015, when she was twelve years old. I began to listen to these songs, all but one of which are available to hear conveniently compiled into a single twenty-five minute Youtube video, when my appetite for her music was only beginning to grow to its present size, after I had listened to the album on repeat for a good three or four days straight. They are the kind of thing only obsessive fans can really gush over, something akin to Bob Dylan’s early Minnesota Hotel Tape from 1961: badly recorded and casually created by a young artist who never intended them to be anything more than they are, a fun and easy way to show off their talent at a time when a wellspring of inspiration was already pouring forth with no better available outlet.

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These little pieces, however, establish finally for sure what a major label pop debut with other ambitions, no matter how special it may be, can only hint at, which is that something within her is driving a preternatural attention for detail, currently unmatched in it’s free naturalism, imaginative power, and consistency, only possibly consistent as a result of its being deeply possessed and long established, despite her youth. I have already touched on what I think that something may be in my first post about her. But whatever it is, it is immediately apparent in her performances here, an instinct that had already cemented deeply considered vocalization as her default, as a simple creative necessity, although a few of the earliest recordings have added even another layer of Broadway-like drama that has since been stripped away, I am guessing as a result of the nascent growth of some level of creative confidence.

Songwriting, then, is to some degree shown to be a third result of that engrained ability, after said holistic sincerity and its resultant vocal intuition, and yet a good chunk of the songs are lyrically composed as well with a just as holistically sincere and intuitive affect, presenting very well-understood conundrums, pared down to koan-like solids one would think by years of rumination. A few are, I would dare to say, more tightly constructed and figuratively multivalent than the songs on her album, many of which share their succinctness but not the violently prismatic irony that seems to be able to overpower the sincere creative drive that gave it life in its brightest inspired flashes. “drivers license” in fact excels by flattening that figurative prism into a simpler and more benign shape, allowing the casual listener to both easily understand and retain some wisp of hope in the end, even if it is only implied.

I would not be so stupid as to claim that Olivia intended these best-written of her unreleased bedroom productions to be metaphysical poems somehow toeing the line between classical balance and baroque terror in their meditation on the reciprocal quality of human sin. That would be silly, not because I don’t think a teenager is capable of such a thing (teenagers have, in fact, always been capable of making high art) but because these few songs focus on themes common to all of her songs: teenage insecurity, uncontrollable jealousy, and betrayal both social and self-inflicted. The depth of her imagery comes instead, I think, from an intuitive understanding of where the cultural meat of an issue lies, and when she writes a song her drive craves and so aims for power and gets rid of whatever there is that lacks it. Perhaps working with a co-writer somewhat slows that drive.

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“Pretender” is a song about being “fake” and how it works both outwardly and internally. It’s personification, the “pretender” of the title, is accused, envied, pitied, and ultimately, understood. It moves through four key lines.

Pointing her finger at this automaton, about whom she alone knows the truth, Olivia first wishes vindictively,

If only they knew what I knew.

But then, now envious of the figure, she prays,

I wish I knew what you knew.

Maybe as a result of these two contradictory desires, she is forced to admit with regret that the pretender can only be a fantastic image rather than a full person, a strawman created by her mind to both embody her sublimated desire and reflexively maintain her own superiority when it goes unfulfilled:

I created you to be plastic and deadly.

Finally, in a relentlessly logical conclusion, she must admit, as the construction falls to pieces, that this is obviously all about herself:

I created you to hide my own envy, ... Maybe I’m a pretender like you.

With her catalog in mind, the canonical interpretation is pretty obvious. The pretender is someone who is perfect and happy and Olivia is jealous of that. By the guilt left in the wake of her accusation, she realizes, indeed it should have been quite apparent from the start, that perhaps the person who seems to be happy is actually not happy. She perceives by juxtaposition that maybe others see her, Olivia, the same way, and in a sinking conclusion, perfect happiness, the other’s and hers as well, is shown to be only truly possible in image and never in the fullness of experience. It is a song about the difficult process of empathy and its bitter personal rewards. This interpretation prevails in Youtube comments, specifically in reference to her other songs about the jealousy encouraged by social media. “I’m happy for them, but then again, I’m not.” Maybe Olivia’s own fun and carefree public-facing presence is just as false?

The genius behind this songwriting, however, is that this other person does not need to exist for the song’s structure to function. This is by design, no doubt; she could very well be speaking only to herself the entire time. If Olivia is pretending too, as the final line suggests, then why could she not have been the pretender all along? Indeed, how else could Olivia be the only one who knows “the truth” about this figure in the first place? A personal struggle with identity, that is the meat of it all.

Her first wish for the pretender’s exposure is based in personal remorse, for lying to the world about who she really is. That her own social facade might be justly but violently forced open to expose the truth would be a painful but cathartic release. She makes her second wish as she recoils in the face of such an embarrassing prospect, hoping against reason that maybe it’s somehow all avoidable, that by abandoning any loyalty to the truth and to herself altogether she might in fact achieve the paradise that the pretender affects, soulless but free of the pain of having a soul too. Third is the realization that this is evil, that her desire is sinful, both grotesque and inhuman (“plastic”), and cruel (“deadly”). Fourth and last she can no longer pretend that her original finger-pointing isn't itself the result of this same worldly desire, as narcissistic an attempt at personal redemption as the outward facade is itself. Insecurity and jealousy, no matter how embarrassing or ugly, no more compose an understanding of identity than any more knowingly-constructed and performative self-image, and are just as self-serving in their own twisted way.

So in this song she is deconstructing herself, from outward composure to cryptic narcissism, shattering layer after layer in an alarmingly accelerating regression. Unfortunately, all that is left in the end is what she has done after what she is—performatively, emotionally, intuitively—has fallen away, specifically the intended result of the accusation she threw at the pretender to begin it all: once again, guilt. What else but guilt is exposed now to be the substance left of the human individual? For Olivia, deep down at least, guilt is always the together creator and eraser of human pleasure, the identity that is desire, and the only thing that fears the emptiness that would be left without it.

That a teenager could write such a penetratingly self-critical work is of course impressive, but the fact that guilt, desire, pleasure, happiness, identity, and fear are shown ultimately to be one and the same generative source is far more exciting. Here she exposes the potential versatility of her created and creative ability, that in maturity this raw power without singular definition could be manipulated into many other things completely new, things only Olivia and not I can imagine now.

#Olivia Rodrigo #sour #drivers license #pretender #hsmtmts #bootlegs #bob dylan #metaphysics #john donne #existentialism #pop music #catholic guilt #taylor swift #lorde #billie eilish

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howtodownloadgta5installer8 · 3 years

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#download gta 5 apk installer for free

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crystalectomy · 3 years

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I call this piece “leaving the groupchat”

I'm starting off somewhat small - I removed myself from the groupchat. I haven't told anyone yet (and the group settings mean there will be no notification that I’ve done it, people will have to find out on their own).

I don't know yet the FULL extent of the backing-slowly-into-the-hedges I want to do with these people. I know, broadly speaking, that if I get invited to things from this group in the future there will be a few things I straight up say no to:

most get togethers at [A]’s house

any camping trips

most parties in general, esp hosted by [A], [B], [C] , or [D]

Things I might say yes to:

a concert w [B]

a boardgame night (occasional)

a park hang, bar hop, or outdoor festival (anything it's easy to bounce from)

Things I will be pleased to continue:

some kinda relationship with [C]

maybe a reconnection with [E] some day

My brother’s advice was to leave the group chat and only explain myself to anyone who asks about it. He said leaving it would be good for gaining closure (as opposed to just turning off notifications, which I've tried many times already). From what I've told him it seems I have every reason to do so -- he did not try even for a second to talk me out of it. He said he had a similar situation where he left/was cut out of a friend group a year ago and he has had absolutely no regrets at all.

He also said he thinks our Dad sticks too long with people / doesn't recognize when they've become harmful to be around, so if the goal is to not be like Dad (which, yes), then recognizing when to move on from people is one way to get there.

I'm doing everyone a favor here (probably too aggro a thing to say)

I've been reading about people who've broken up with friends or left friend groups and a familiar refrain keeps coming up -- friendships should be with people who you trust, who uplift you, who do not leave you feeling stressed and drained. I cannot say that about this group, as a whole, anymore. At all.

For a long time -- years now -- I've flirted with the idea of leaving the groupchat. It hasn't been a fun groupchat. A lot of it is people posting links and videos that I'm not interested in, giving life update announcements that don't need to be given in a group setting, or posting plan-making logistics, which always end up being a little awkward when some people can participate in them and others can't (which is always the case, b/c of awkward breakups in the couples of the group, east bay vs sf commute times, and now differing covid sensibilities and vaxxed/unvaxxed status).

All of that is innocuous enough, but if it's clutter, it's clutter. And there's no reason not to remove it.

So what made the group good if not the groupchat? The hangs. The drugs, the alcohol, the games. The concerts, the movies, the camping trips. Since we've had a forced year without those things, I've gotten a better look at what the core of this group feels like to be in without all that -- and it sucks.

So why not just ride it out until we can hangout in person again (which will be v soon!)? I guess I'm just feeling like a spring cleaning attitude about it. Like, maybe I can spend my precious time in the afterlife hanging out with people who I can feel close with emotionally as well as physically? Maybe now that I'm in a very different phase of my life than I was when I met them (turning-30-realness) I should cultivate relationships that fulfill me where I'm at now -- people I can share exciting work news, poems, and pictures of my cat with, yes, but also people I can unravel the secrets of the universe and the pros and cons of major life choices with.

I've spent a lot of the quarantine either in solitude or staying connected to / reconnecting with friends who make me feel good. Who listen to my advice, who give me advice and encouragement in turn, who share similar interests with me, who do not call me "unique " "weird" "soooo alternative" over and over again (either in admiration or jest). Who have understood and interpreted and lived out the COVID thing in similar ways as me.

And look -- I don't mean people who have had the same privileges necessarily! Some of the people I've gotten closer to were just as social as the folks in this group +/or worked jobs where they had to be on the frontlines and couldn't barricade themselves quite as much as me and my husband did. But they respected our decision to take as strict a stance on this whole thing as humanly possible, did not call us "sensitive" or "conservative" at any point along the way, and when they asked us to hangout, did so in ways that felt respectful of and empathetic towards our boundaries. It’s not that this group made different choices than I would have, it’s that they, by contrast to my other friends, treated me with judgment, derision, and disrespect for my decisions. I promise I’ve not done the same.

I'm purging a lot of things from my life right now. Leaving my toxic-ish job at the end of April. Trying to lose the last 5 lbs. Getting rid of as much clutter in the house as possible.

As I start to prepare and dream for a life outside of quarantine, I think about who are some of the first people I want to grab a drink with, go for a walk with, celebrate an occasion with. And for the most part, it's not these people.

Y'all are funny, interesting, intelligent, engaging, and a good time. But I don't feel like I belong here. And I often leave hangouts with the group feeling stressed or upset.

Moreso, in my life I feel I've gotten much harder. Cynical, crabby, pessimistic, aggressive, barbed, judgmental. Like, really had those parts of me take over. And I'm almost certain this group being my main group was a contributing factor. It's behavior that's, if not required, then encouraged to be a member here.

I thought about writing a message in the groupchat to explain myself instead of ghosting but a few things occurred to me:

9 times out of 10 when I try to be earnest or express any feelings that aren't straight up enthusiasm for something with this group, I feel ignored at best or patronized and shut down at worst.

given the pervading sense of devil-may-care cavalierness in this group, i figured most of you wouldn't notice/care anyway

I thought of folks like [X], [Y], and [Z] who have been in/out of this groupchat for years, all of whom have since faded away, and none of whom felt the need to say anything. Since there's a precedent, I figured I'd follow it

I'm extremely self conscious about this decision -- I'm worried it comes off as self-absorbed, self-righteous, selfish, etc. and I don't think I know a way to ensure it doesn't come off that way when trying to address it head on.

I'm kind of a coward about this kind of thing (awkward social interactions) anyway. So this is a kind of cowardly way to do it. It fits.

I've been thinking about doing this for so long that nothing anyone can say will convince me otherwise, so why invite a dialogue?

If anyone asks (which my husband assures me they won't):

“Oh, I left the group chat a little while ago, so if you're trying to reach me, specifically, text/phone call is the best way to do so. Email works too. No shade to you or anyone in particular, I just found the energy of the group as a whole to be kind of toxic, and have so for some time now (even pre pandemic).”

Then, maybe:

“I thought about saying something but I honestly couldn't think of what to say that wouldn't come off as arrogant or dramatic or weird. Maybe it's weirder to ghost... but I never seem to accurately gauge how people in this group will react to things I do and say, and I didn’t want to be misinterpreted and cause more stress. There's no good or codified way to leave a friend group, so I just did the easiest, path of least resistance way I could think of.”

And if there’s time:

“And that's the other thing, I didn't want to like, break up with any of you as friends. I'm not going to say no to every game night invitation or avoid people altogether IRL or anything. And I'm hoping and planning to have 1x1 or 2x2 hangs with some of y’all in the future. So I didn't want to invite any truly nasty energy between me and any of the individuals in the group. I'm just excusing myself from the overall 'zeitgeist' of the groupchat, and okay with probably getting invited to fewer outings as a result.”

Or at least:

“I didn’t mean to offend, I just did what I thought was best for me in a way that I hoped would cause the least amount of harm to everyone involved. And I did think long and hard about it, so at least I hope no one can say it was a completely thoughtless decision.”

I'm taking this impending re-entry into society thing as an opportunity to prioritize the relationships that have felt enriching, healthy, fruitful during it. And I’m excited to chase down hobbies and events at work, post pandemic, with the goal of making new friends who I can be more myself with.

#as usual I've over-thunk it

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thesunnyshow · 4 years

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Name: hi, i am nyx Age: 20 years old Writing Blog URL(s): jungcity.tumblr.com | v-asl.tumblr.com

Nationality: filipino Languages: english, filipino Star Sign: pisces! MBTI: infp-t Favorite color: white accentuated by silver Favorite food: it’s sweet and spicy chicken garlic!! Favorite movie: hmmm, it’s prolly flipped because that movie was so cute :,) Favorite ice cream flavor: rocky road!! Favorite animal: it’s gonna be cats!! although i love lions so much because of narnia :,( Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? coffee :,) Go-to karaoke song: i don’t sing agskh the world would end if i would

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? i think it’s me writing about jaehyun??? since he’s the king of fanfiction, especially in ncity nowadays.

What fandom(s) do you write for? nct + wayv

When did you post your first piece? three days ago!! that would be august 4 i guess???

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? i don’t really much write fluff since i don’t have any idea how to write a good fluff!! :( this has been an issue every time i write some au’s. so im always ending up writing and focusing more on angst. it’s the genre i know best. well, crack… it’s hard to make the readers laugh when you can’t even make their tooth ache from sweetness with your fluffy writings. :( smut… i don’t write smut explicitly any more. i’m more on the suggestive side rn.

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc i write OC’s especially when im writing a series!! to diversify my writing. but i usually am on the x reader side. ships? not that much.

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? uhm, back in 2017, i was searching for some website where i could publish my works. ive always been a tumblr-girl since i am that wanna-be-aesthetic kinda person :D then i had found that i could write and publish on tumblr so yeah that’s pretty much why i am on this app rn

What inspires you to write? ooh, music has been a great help for sure!! whenever i don’t feel like writing something, i always listen to music and the idea would flow like a river. classic poems helps, too. :)

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? supernatural!au’s, fantasy!au, medieval!au. i feel like it’s easier to write something out of pure fantasy. i have a hard time writing modern!au’s since i lack the humor and the knowledge for modern slangs.

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? ooh, i always always always am careful with the way that i craft all my works. i try to feel what my characters feel to give them a certain validation. i put my shoes on the scenarios i have in mind even though i haven’t yet experienced everything ive written. and i do love writing strong female characters, whether it’s oc’s or female readers. that’s my main priority whenever i write. and i want them to know that girls could do just as much everything boys could. women are powerful.

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? i read a lot to get back on my foot. i also try to re-read my past works so i’d be inspired to better my writing on my current draft.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? my favorite work is the one i’m still writing rn, which is entitled 505. it’s a hendery fic in which he is a bandit and the female reader is a sacristan. it’s my fave since i relate myself so much to the female reader. :) my most successful one is the childhood best friends!au taeyong x female reader. it’s about to reach 600+ notes i guess? and im so grateful of all the feedbacks i got from it.

Who is your favorite person to write about? it’s jaehyun and hendery :)

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? character wise, perhaps. since you already have a face value in fanfiction, but in an original prose, you would have to craft everything from 0.

What do you think makes a good story? a good story is something that doesn’t romanticize the bad things going on in the world. a good story is something that is emphatic to the hardships of others. a good story is something that gives comfort to those who are in the dark. a good story is something that boosts the hearts of the readers and makes them feel things!!

What is your writing process like? first, i think of a plot! (this happens oftentimes when im washing the dishes) when i have the plot, i think of the ending. when i have the ending, it’s time for me to device a fitting title. and the plot would develop from then on.

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? i don’t think so… this is scary. since some people think of fanfics as delusional works from delusional authors. it’s kinda sad.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? i love love love enemies-to-lovers trope!! one that i couldn’t stand and do my best to not read is probably… hmm… no, i love all tropes!! i just love e-t-l most!

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? it means a ton. since it could really boosts me up. heavy sigh. it’s the best thing when you write something— the feedbacks. even though it’s a simple reblog with the ‘#ATKSHSKSHSKAHAKSGAHGEGSJA’ or ‘#myfave’. i would smile like an idiot whenever i read it.

Dream job (whether you have a job or not)? i want to be a successful writer someday!

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? teleportation!!

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? ancient greek + victorian era

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? yes!! im so hell deep in indecision right now so i want to restart to make everything right

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? 100 chicken-sized horses!!

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? enemies-to-lovers trope agsksj LOL

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? YES!!! perhaps they are lurking somewhere here on earth and we don’t know it yet ;)

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? oh… i don’t really know what to write. i don’t give much attention to my personal details agsksj

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? yes!! ugh, there’s this recent issue wherein stan twt called fanfic writers as freaks. and it broke my heart. i mean, most fanfic writers get inspirations from their idols and that shouldn’t be a bad thing. we aren’t delusionals as one might think. we are simply doing our craft.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? yes!! our country’s hero ‘jose rizal’ had somehow stirred the nationality of the people back in the old days because of his writings. i do believe that art changes things!! it has the ability to pierce the heart of the people.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? yes. i feel this whenever im writing smut. i mean, let’s be real, your works would do better once you’ve included some steamy smut scenes in it. when i was writing my first fanfic after three years, i didn’t think that i’d ever include smut. but the fear of not getting feedbacks crept up in me, so i forced myself to write some sexy scenes. i know that’s like… weird. but i’m trying not to dwell on feedbacks any longer. and i also have decided not to write explicit smut anymore. honestly, i feel better now that i don’t force myself to do something that i think would please others rather than me.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? uhm, as far as i can remember, nope— still hasn’t felt that way. :)

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? yes!! my best friends irl knows about it. my sister knows. my parents are also aware of my passion in writing, and they do know that i write. but where and what, that remains obscured from them :D

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? that it’s okay to be vulnerable. it’s okay to make mistakes. it’s okay to fail sometimes. it’s okay to feel things. because like a good book, there is always a character development and you have the pen to write your own version of happy endings.

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? i’ve been there: the scared and conscious part. but one thing i would say is, you have to dare yourself!! you won’t know how your writing would have impacted so many lives and touch the hearts of people if you won’t grab your pen or your gadget and start your draft.

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? nope, there aren’t. the community has been lovely to me ever since i started writing. :,)

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? yes!! oh my god. i’d like to take this opportunity to thank my mutuals who’s done me nothing but kindness— @legendnct (hannah), whoo!! you know how much i love you, right? thank you for always being there to listen to me. :) @cloudysuh des, since day one you’ve supported me. i couldn’t ask for more. thank you for the never-ending praises, keyboard smashes, for the tags, and for always boosting me up. @bohoes georgie, you know i love you. since 2017 you’ve been with me— praising my works and supporting me. thank you. @cherr-e cherry!! thank you!! for teaching me how to better my writing. i hope endless happiness for u and please take care. @writermoon hello my babe!! thank you so much for reading my works with such vivid imaginations. i love you. @jaeyongf amy!! the bestest person :,) thank you for always leaving me feedbacks!! thank you for being kind to me. thank you for always supporting me. i love you guys so much and let’s be mutuals for a long time!!

Pick a quote to end your interview with:

“If the world hated you, and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved you, and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends.” — Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë

#@jungcity #@v-asl #thesunnyshow #featuredauthor #episode 22 #nct #wayv

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teamfreehoodies · 3 years

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Top Five Fics of 2020

a look back to may

Tagged by the lovely

@drowningbydegrees

(your blog is GORGEOUS by the way!!!!)

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

1. the heart electric (beats in a half-time measure)

So I posted this yesterday, but the reception has been INCREDIBLE, like people are so excited for this and I’m so happy! I woke up this morning to 6 comments just about this one fic and it’s been the quickest jump to over 80 kudos of any fic I’ve ever posted (admittedly, i’ve only posted 8 fics, but still haha) I’m so excited to see how this one keeps growing!

I’m personally in love with this fic because I’ve always wanted to try a 5+1 fic, and this fic like, literally poured out of me, it was the smoothest writing experience of any fic I’ve written to date and I love that I really feel as if my technical skills have noticeably improved here.

2. if i loved you (could you stay?)

i’m proud of this one for several reasons, so lets start with the small and go big haha

First: that’s an original title, not based on a song or poem (and it was the first one of those I came up with myself! the heart electric is also mostly original (minus the quick body electric reference, but I digress) so I’m proud of it for that.

Second: I wrote it for quick fic so it was all completed in under 24 hours which i a goddamn miracle for me because I usually take f o r e v e r to write haha

Third: I have made multiple readers cry with this one, which I consider something of a personal badge of honor I won’t lie. (if you read it, and cry, pls do let me know I am l i v i n g for those kind of comments hahah)

3. the prairie is vast (the train is quicker)

This Fic! This FIC!!! this fic is the entire reason I have friends at all in this fandom or that I’ve written so much for it! Kim @buffskierights invited me to join the ItJ project and suddenly I was regularly interacting with these absolutely AMAZING FUNNY SPECTACULAR SUPPORTIVE CREATIVE people whom I love dearly, and it’s been through their support that any of the rest of my fics got created!

Also listen, cowgirlskier owns my entire fucking soul okay, I love her, I love her, I love her, and I cannot wait to get back to writing her in the rdr2!au I am (slowly) putting together.

4. Go Get Your Mage

So this one came to me as a tumblr prompt???? the anon who left it was so unexpected that literally when I opened it my brain just went yes... Yes.... YESSS!!! and I wrote all of it in a barely coherent tumblr answer that is... stil? floating somewhere on my blog actually. I cleaned it up and posted it to Ao3 where, since its a rarepair and femslash at that, it’s holding its own even with the traditionally lower reception that those two demographics get. I love it with my whole heart still, and I accept more femslash and/or Yennfri prompts because I am so bad at coming up with ideas for them on my own (I’ve got terminal Jaskier!stan disease, I have imprinted on the bard, and he is my emotional support character so 90% of my ideas are for him) but if you’d like to see more of the ladies (like i know I would) please please please send some prompts to my askbox!

5. if you could let me inside your heart (would i be enough?)

I have a naming style okay, it’s me I’m that bitch with the all lowercase titles that are far too long lol I admit it! nah but seriously I’m pretty pleased with this one too. I wrote it for geraskefer week because I really love the ot3 of it all. It’s soft, it’s tender, it’s angsty: this fic has it all. It’s also the home of the first kiss scene i ever wrote and I’m still thinking about it honestly. This has been a year for stretching myself as a writer (to wit, I’ve written smut??? for the first time??? who am i?????)

But this was soft and tender and i had fun writing it which is all you really need out of fic for fandom purposes right?

tagging @ghostinthelibrarywrites @buffskierights & @storm-and-starlight

(you guys can tag the rest haha, take it from here!)

#amber writes fic #yeah she dooooooooo check that shit out hhaa #the witcher fanfic #I'm thriving this was so fun thank you so much for tagging me!!!!#also for real for real #that 5+1 fic?????? IS AWESOME #i know i wrote it #and am therefore maybe just a tiny bit biased #BUT IT's GOOD #go read it if you like Gerasker or angst or hurt comfort or anything in between #:p

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hannahchuu · 4 years

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I was tagged by @makeitpoppy 💕😍

Are you staying at home from work/school?

So, I haven't been to work since beginning of March but I have to go back there next week (for now it's just a meeting bc I'm working in a hotel & my schedule depends on the amount of guests we have). I've been really happy about that tho bc I still get paid & just before the pandemic happend, I got really overwhelmed by my work & started to hate it a lot. I also had some issues with a colleague & I dread having to see her again. I had really wished that I wouldn't have to go back there anytime soon.

University has also been cancelled after only one regular week & I only have online classes now. Tbf tho, I would've only had one class overall this semester bc I'm in my last semester of university & only my master's thesis is left. My only class is a Japanese conversation class, which is online now & I'm really struggling with the format lol. It's so odd to have to talk to people when you can't see them & half the time you also can't hear them properly.

As for my master's thesis...at first I was fine with quarantine & uni being cancelled bc I thought it'd give me time to focus on my thesis but unexpectedly libraries also closed for two months & I wasn't able to get any books until beginning of May. So I basically didn't do anything at home ahaha.

If you’re at home, who is there with you?

No one. My mum used to be there occasionally but she has since gone to her boyfriend's house and rarely ever comes. (Which is totally fine btw. She really stresses me out lol)

Do you have pets to keep you company?

No 💔

Who do you miss the most?

I have social anxiety so I'm actually quite happy about not having to see anyone. I also feel like I talk (via phone) to my friends & family way more often now. I do however, miss certain activities like going shopping with my friends. Oh & hugs! I also miss my sister & her girlfriend bc it's always fun being around them. And I miss the people in my Japanese class. Online classes really take away the social aspects of it (Like talking with people before & after).

When was the last time you left your home?

Yesterday! I went to the supermarket bc my fridge was v v empty. The last time I left to go somewhere else was last Thursday when I went to the library.

What was the last thing you bought?

The last thing I bought in person was food. Last online purchase were face masks (as in sheet masks) ahaha.

Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

I'm sort of relaxed? Like more relaxed than usual I think. I'm a bit stressed out about my future bc I'm right at the end of my university education & I actually planned to finish my thesis & get a full-time job by the end of the year but I'm not sure whether there will still be jobs or job interviews ahahah. My thesis also stresses me out a bit. But I think all of this would've also stressed me out w/o quarantine so overall I'm relaxed. I'm getting stressed out by the prospect of going back to work tho.

Are you a homebody?

Yessssss

What movies have you watched recently?

So I was planning on watching tons of films during quarantine but I haven't watched any so far ahahah

I mainly watch anime & YouTube

An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

Two anime conventions I've been going to religiously with my friends T_T

What’s the worst thing you’ve had to cancel?

My Japan trip. It would've been my very first trip to Japan but a week before we were due to leave Austria issued a travel warning for all countries. Later on all tourists arriving in Japan also had to quarantine themselves for 2 weeks. I was super upset about having to cancel it but also sort of relieved bc I wouldn't have wanted to go there in the middle of a pandemic. I also got all of my money refunded so yay.

What’s the best thing you had to cancel?

Any kind of social interaction and work ahahhahaha

Do you have any new hobbies?

Not really. Before I started working on my thesis, I studied Japanese more frequently but that's about it.

What are you out of?

Skincare! I put off ordering any new items bc I was supposed to go to Japan & I thought I could just buy everything there. Well, now I'm out of toner, essence, a good cleanser and face masks :(( I ended up ordering more at the end of March but my order still hasn't arrived yet (It's stuck at customs T____T)

What music are you listening to?

Mainly German Hip-Hop ahahah

What shows are you watching?

Soooo, I've literally watched 7 anime series so far:

Chobits

Kimagure Orange Road

Yuru Camp (my favourite)

Sabagebu!

Citrus

Fullmetal Alchemist

Asobi Asobase

So yeah, quite productive! I gotta focus on my thesis now tho so I’ve only been sporadically watching Ojamajo Doremi.

What are you reading?

My only goal for this quarantine was to finally read all of the books that have been piling up on my bedside table, which I did yay

I've read The Scarlet Letter, The Sailor Who Fell From Grace with the Sea (I recommend), The Moon over the Mountain, UFO In Her Eyes (I can also recommend) & In Dreams Begin Responsibilities and Other Stories.

I got 3 more books for my birthday (Poems To Fix A Fucked Up World, Japanese Tales of Mystery and Imagination & Roadqueen), which I haven't gotten around to reading yet.

What are you doing for self care?

Taking long baths & reading in the bath tub 💕 I also apply lash serum, a lip mask & body lotion every night.

Are you exercising?

Yes! I actually started exercising everyday in September & I'm still doing it yay

How’s your toilet paper supply?

I still have enough left ahahah I was supposed to be quarantined w my mum but I ended up being by myself & I don’t need a lot.

Have you made any changes to your hair?

Not yet. I've been considering getting bangs & the only thing that (luckily) is stopping me is that one tumblr post that's like you don't need bangs! you need therapy!!!!

I tag @lunarix @swaddle @motherfuckinbuddha @ive-beendreaming @kaizoku @piggiechi @regenbogen-flummi @misodelivery @vroomkat @zyphyyr @my-selfish-love @giantoflight @frillypinkdreams @catpacks @cupidie @emograntaire @sugarmickey @bubbleteaboy & everyone else who wants to do this

#text #personal #i'm so bad at tagging ppl lol #i literally just tagged my mutuals

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hello-robin-goodfellow · 4 years

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Imagining if Doctor Who was Brasilian...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCv5o7n_mtk

So, you may remember that link over this paragraph, wich was a trailer reimagining if Doctor Who was an american show, to celebrate the 50 anniversary that happened six years ago.

Inspired by that video, i haved this idea to post my fan cast, reimagining who could play the Doctor if the show was produced in Brazil. I have no ambition to wait for any TV Show to buy the rights of adaptation from the BBC, this is just a fun way to introduce you for some of the most talented actors and actresses of my country, and i will not go with all Thirteen encarnations, because that would demand a lot of brain cargo.

In no particular order, here it goes seven brasilian actors who could bring great charm and charisma to the character of the Doctor.

Born in the city of São Paulo (Saint Paul) on March’s 01 of 1965, Miwa Yanagizawa is an prolific and aclaimed theater actress and director in 1989. Starting on TV in 1991 with a minisseries called Filhos do Sol (Sons of the Sun), though she continues to show up on television, it’s hardly with high lights. All of her roles were secondary (a deepo synthom of how badly brasilian television and cinema represents the significant japanese comunity that we have).

She started to get some atention with roles in the telenovelas (yes, you thinked that only México produced this ones?) Viver a Vida (Live the Life), Morde e Assopra (Bite and Blows) and Sol Nascente (Rising Sun, of wich his role as Mieko Tanaka is pictured above with the hat). But they are usually stereotyped as the kind and motterly figures who usually fall under the radar in favor of young protagonists. Worst, this telenovela called Rising Sun that i mentioned? She did play the sister of a japanese character who have importance for being the leading heroine’s adoptive father, and this character of her brother was played by A WHITE GUY! And this was in 2016, we still do this shit!

The closest to a role diferent of the kind and sweet type was in the telenovela Bite and Blow from 2011. Tough still a mother of a side character, she have the chance to show a more stern and severe side in the role of the traditionalist and conservative Tieko. If she played the Doctor, somebody with a tough and exterior learning how to thrust people and acept them as his friends would be a performance that i believe she totally could explore and be successful.

Mohamed Harfouch is a syrian origin actor born at October’s 29 of 1977, in the city of Rio de Janeiro. He has a long career on television, my favorite role of his being the romantic musician Romeo in a kid’s show called Teca na TV (Teca on TV, pictured down here).

He is now establishing himself in telenovelas. While all of this roles have been side characters, they still are a little more varied, alowing him to show from comedic to dramatic range, in rules such as the travelling lebanese barber and doctor Farid in 2011′s Cordel Encantado (Enchanted Cordel) and the palestinian medicine student Pérsio Farouk in 2013′s Amor à Vida (Love to Life).

If he played the Doctor, it would probably start with a broading and mysterious apearance, but lather reveal the more funny, energetic, kind and helpfull side of the character.

Born at December’s 15 of 1969, Luis Miranda is recently gaining mainstream popularity in Brasil due to his role as transgender woman Dorothy Benson in 2014′s telenovela Geração Brasil (Generation Brazil). But he has an extablished career in theater comedy, with the role of comunity leather Edith (pictured down below) in the show Terça Insana (Insane Thursday) probably being his most famous.

But he also showed facility in more serious roles, such as the sleazy politician Ulisses in 2011′s TV Movie Homens de Bem (Man of Good) and the villanous Reverend Magalhães in 2013′s Film Trampolim do Forte (Fort’s Trampoline).

With such a varied of range, there is a very unpredictable Doctor, who could always surprise each episode.

Born at the city of Cajazeiras in Octuber’s 27 of 1963, Marcélia Cartaxo gained great aclaim as the naive Macabéa in 1985′s cinematic adaptation of the classic novel A Hora da Estrela (The Time of the Star, pictured down below):

After this role, tough, most of his roles had being very sided, and sufered similar stereotiping as Miwa Yanagizawa’s. But she is starting to break this after working in Fort’s Trampoline as Dona do Céu (pictured down bellow with the yellow dress), an autoritarian and fanatically religious mother of the boy Felizardo. If she followed the line of using the smiley facade as a way to manipulate his enemyes, his Doctor could be an excelent experiment for her range as an actress.

Born with the name Paulo Rogério da Silva at December 18 of 1970 in the city of Fortaleza, poet, singer, composer, acor, director and dramaturgist Gero Camilo has being particurally prolific in comedic movie roles, like Firmino in 2004′s Narradores de Javé (Narrators of Javé) and Zé Burraldo in 2007′s Pequenas Histórias (Little Histories, pictured down bellow).

However, he also haved the chance to show range in dramas such as in 2003′s Carandiru and voice acting the protagonist of 2010′s animated short adaptation of the teatrical poem Morte e Vida Severina (Life and Death Severina). His Doctor could be very expressive, genuinelly and explicitly funny, kind and show a lot of otimism, pathos and empathy in the most dark and dramatic situations.

Born in Salvador at January’s 01 of 1970, João Miguel’s rise to fame came trough his role as the murderous cook Raimundo Nonato in 2008′s film Estômago (Stomach, pictured above). Three years later, he worked in the telenovela Enchanted Cordel playing the role of sensitive bandito Bel (pictured down bellow).

After that, his stardom just keeps growing. He is now playing a Ezequiel, an aparently villanous character on Netflix’s 3 %, the first brasilian sci fi distopian TV series (pictured down bellow). So yes, he is no strange to the genre. If you either direct him be simpathetic, funny, misterious, scary, you can be very sure that he is totally capable of naturally pulling all this emotions at the same time.

Born at October’s 15 of 1964 in Rio de Janeiro, acting since his youth in the 90s, Denise Fraga’s started his rise to fame in series of comedic sketches at the variety sunday show Fantástico. She usually played roles inspired by the lives of various wimen in diferent regions of the country, whose histories she collected. After that period, she shined with his performance as ex theater actress, buddist and astrologist Bia in 2008′s minisseries Queridos Amigos (Dear Friend’s, pictured down bellow), who tried to maintaing a joyous face despite the trauma of being phisically tortured during the Brasilian Military Dictatorship:

And also as the traumatized guerrila veteran Vera in the 2013′s film Hoje (Today, also pictured down bellow), who is learning to acept the death of husband during the same period:

Her Doctor could be very excitable at the possibility of having an adventure, wanting to share his passionate curiosity with his friends, and always want to do the right thing despite being afraid and vulnerable.

So, that’s all for today. Say in the coments bellow what you tought of the pictures and sugestions of this actors, and if you have any curiosity to know any of their works ;)

#doctor who #fan cast #reimaginings #brasilian dramaturgy #brasilian culture

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whats-the-story-tc · 4 years

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7th of February, 2020

"The One Where We Find Each Other (and Don't Stop Looking)"

[LONG AS FUCK SORRY I HAD A BIT OF A DAY]

As I came to school in the morning, I met one of the boys who's in the play I'm doing, and asked me about rehearsal. Now, I didn't know there was rehearsal today in the first place, so I immediately rushed up to the teachers' lounge to find A and ask her. And in the process of looking for one of the women I can never find when I'm looking for her, I crossed paths with the other one.

V came out grinning and sat down at one of the computers. But as I was about to turn around and walk away, she asked me "What's wrong, Specs?", and I told her I was looking for A. "I don't think you should look for A much this early. Is it really-really urgent?" I replied that I just wanted to clear up a bit of a misunderstanding, so it wasn't really that urgent. "I'll tell her [you were looking for her] when I see her." With the biggest grin on my face, I thanked her and ran off. A arrived about 5 minutes later. I guess I owe her one for this.

I went into V's class a bit later in quite the bad mood. The second rehearsal beforehand didn't go quite as well. I'm never nervous when it's a bunch of strangers watching me, but in front of my classmates, with that cousin of mine who loves to criticise me at any given occasion, my head was full, and I couldn't seem to concentrate. Luckily, V gave me something to think about — metonymy and synecdoche. See, the thing I love about Grammar is that even though I speak my native tongue fluently, and use it every day, there are so many things I don't know yet. Even now, 8-9-ish hours later, I feel excited. This, now this is my kind of stuff, the things we use every day without a second thought, the things that are bare essentials to everyday speech and we don't even know we're using them, and how diversely it can be used. Good Lord am I glad to be taught by someone like V. I would never have got so invested without her. (So invested that I even stopped writing this post just to add a few things to my class notes. Jesus, Specs, nerd much?)

But, as we know here on @/whats-the-story-tc, a class with V isn't really a class without memorable quotes. When she started explaining what a synecdoche is to us, she told us that it's possible to describe a person by referring to them only by one of their body parts. Silence fell for a few seconds, a very knowing silence. Everyone in the room was thinking the same thing, but nobody dared to say it. Then V asked us to find a non-vulgar example. She's a cold-hard professional, so she didn't say what we were all thinking, like our Chem teacher did yesterday in a similar situation, but this kinda confirmed it that Pocketwatch Friend and I weren't the only ones with "dick" on our minds. That sounded so wrong I'm so sorry-----------

We also covered symbols today, and, as she explained unique symbols invented by certain poets, that may mean dozens of different things, she brought up her favourite ironic "What do the blue curtains symbolise?" question. "For one, it's about longing for their lover, for the other, about their life's worries, and for the third, about having run out of milk."

After class, I trodded up to her just before she left to ask her to clarify something about synecdoches. "So we can describe a whole with a part—" "—and vice versa." she finished my sentence just as I was saying it, although I worded it differently. As they say, great minds think alike. Or I'm just very predictable. Depends.

Lunch break before sixth period, I'm talking with my friends. I don't exactly remember what the context was, but we were joking around and V came up. Debate Friend said "V has no emotions." I could hear the Kill Bill alarms sounding in my head, even though I am and was fully aware she was joking. I took a deep breath and lead her out into the corridor to talk it through. We all know, even on here, that V is someone rather deeply emotional, just doesn't like to show it. I've known since last June. Debate Friend told me V and I are alike in this regard. Well, what can I say? Us lovers of literature really do have the softest hearts. But I told her that we do show it, all the time, every little thing, even if we wouldn't like to, you just have to know a person enough to know where to look. Like they know me and I like to think I know V.

To further prove my statement, I told Debate Friend about one of the posts from V's late SNS account. I don't want to talk about it much, as I don't feel like it would be right, but let me just say... while I was laughing or at least smiling at most of her feed, this one almost made me cry. Caption and picture alike. I finished the story just in time, cuz the next minute, Debate Friend warned me that V was coming, probably so I wouldn't say anything I shouldn't in front of her. I looked back in surprise, only to notice that she really was coming our way, and when I looked at Debate Friend again, we both broke out in hysterical laughter, as V passed us by. I wonder what she was thinking.

As I was photographing the progress I made with my painting later, V came in and set her stuff down on the desk before our second class of the day with her, immediately leaving after. A couple minutes later, when I went outside, I happened upon her, as she was all curled up on the stairway right beside our classroom with her phone, like some students are. Bless. She was beyond adorable.

All I'm gonna say is, the introduction to the literature of Russian romanticism and Pushkin wasn't what kept me occupied while V was speaking. The afternoon sun was coming in through the windows, and I let myself get a little lost in those ever familiar eyes again. With her usual eyeshadow, it was quite the sight, especially when the light hit her face directly. Good Lord.

It being seventh period, the Boys in the Back were even noisier than usual. When V had had enough, she just went ahead and slammed her hand against the blackboard to quiet them, something she hasn't done in a while. I admit, I jumped a little. She's really bloody strong, you guys.

One of the girls in my class learns Russian outside school, and, because she was really enthusiastic and really wanted to write some things on the board, V went ahead and let her. I understood some of it, cause I can read cyrillic (I was very bored this one afternoon), but not cursive, so... yeah. Then Blonde Boy in the Back started complaining about why anyone would learn Russian, and V stepped the fuck up and said "Well, I still think it's cooler to learn Russian than to bitch about others in English class." LADIES AND GENTLEMAN AND NON-BINARY PEOPLE, THIS WOMAN IS A FUCKING LEGEND.

And here is where the crazy part comes.

The people start coming and they don't stop comin' to V to recite the poem, us others are waiting for the bell to ring. The first girl does quite well, but at the end, V grins and teasingly tells her "Managed to get the ending wrong?" That's when she first looked me in the eyes.

"Come, [Name], enchant me" she tells the next victim coming her way. Later, our eyes meet again.

And again.

And again, now with a pen still hanging from her mouth. No joke. I kept tabs.

The bell rings, and the people start leaving. I'm staying behind, to wait for Art Friend (who is the same girl as the one I named Flower Friend in earlier posts, I just forgot the pseudonym I gave her) and Debate Friend. As I do, I walk around, sit down, stand up, do random shit, and sometimes check my phone.

So I'm less bored, I go up to V while she's listening to someone and ask her "Should I clean the board?" (I know she's a multitasker so I wouldn't throw her off.) She turns to me with big, shiny eyes, and a gentle, nearly childlike expression as if I just offered her something groundbreaking and tells me "Thanks." It's not like my classmates didn't proceed to draw shit on it once I wiped it clean, but an effort has been made. For those eyes, it was well worth it. And, as I was wiping, I caught her absent-mindedly fiddling with the paintbrushes my Art teacher forgot on the desk. You guys... how was I ever afraid of this woman?

Cynical Twat came next, and he was trying to win himself time so he didn't have to go to IT class (half the class has it on Friday, my half on Wednesday), so he was pretending to think and walk around and generally be super slow. I don't think I've ever seen V laugh so much. Me and Debate Friend were giggling as well, but honestly, V looked just generally really relaxed and happy as she grinned, and couldn't stop smiling. This is probably the point where she was so tired everything suddenly felt even funnier than it is. Been there.

Another friend from the other class showed up then and took my place, and Art Friend told me "You can go back to her." I did a double take. We were in the doorway and the bloody door was open! "[Art Friend], we don't declare these things out loud!" I told her. She looked surprise. "I was talking about [Debate Friend]." Oh. Right. Yeah.

So I went back in. According to my phone notes, we met eyes again.

Then again, when I decided to sit on the ground. She looked down at me, I immediately looked away, a smile creeping up my lips before I could stop it. If she needed any assurance about my feelings, which I'm quite sure she suspects... this was it.

As she listened to Art Friend, she was sat in her chair hugging both her knees. When you'd think she couldn't find stupider positions to sit in...

The friend with the Russian affinity read us a bit of... something in Russian while a very nervous Debate Friend prepared. V and I were both thrown off, as neither of us speaks it, and the sheer 'how does she do that' of the situation made us both laugh in surprise. As we did, we found each other's eyes again, and again a few seconds later. "I don't even know where the words end," said V. Apparently, we shared another look, according to what I wrote.

Debate Friend really struggled with that poem, and nearly gave up after the second verse. V was really concentrating, forehead wrinkling. She wanted her to get it right. "Jesus, kitten, what's got into you? At least let's get one half of it done!" And eventually, though, as V said "it really hurt", Debate Friend did manage to wrestle her way through the poem. As she did, V kept herself busy organising the paintbrushes on the desk neatly with this absent-minded smile, while I crouched at the desk beside hers and spared her the occasional look sometimes. And as she was trying to decide on a grade to give Debate Friend, she bit her lip. I don't think I've ever seen her do that before. I didn't know what I was missing.

"Take care of yourselves!" she told us as she was leaving, and I immediately responded with a "You too, Miss!", cuz when could I shut up? She grinned as she was walking away.

I saw her once after that, outside, as I was walked out the gates listening to Florence + The Machine — one of the songs I dedicated to V, no less. There she was, same cuffed jeans, same low-cut boots, all wrapped up in a dark coat, walking away in another direction, hair flying. I stayed and watched until she disappeared out of sight from where I was standing, then I proceeded to walk home all giddy, nearly in tears.

I don't think I've ever been this in love before.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

#tc #tcc #teacher crush community #female tc #female teacher crush

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romanwalsh · 4 years

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━━ fashionably late to the party, but hi i’m iris, i’m 21 and below the read more is some info about my Child roman. he’s baby. als a nerd. but v soft and nice mostly. idk what else to put here but i can’t wait to plot with all of you, so pls like this post and i’ll slide in your dms asap.

━━ ( harry styles, cismale ) hey ! have you seen ROMAN WALSH around ? they work as a FRONT DESK CHECK IN at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 23 years old & they’ve been working here for 11 MONTHS. they tend to be +TALKATIVE & +GOOFY, but can also be -PRETENTIOUS & -ALOOF. the other employees have labeled them THE BIBLIOPHILE. thanks a lot ! ( books with folded corners, a white shirt with coffee stains, dark circles under your eyes, scribbles in the margins of borrowed books, napping in the library, spontaneous snow fights on a sunny morning )

Roman wishes he could hate his parents sometimes. Because that’s the cliché, right? The tortured writer with a tragic backstory. But his parents are fine. Roman has always lived a very average life. He grew up in big bear village, just a small town kid with big dreams.

There have always been two sides to Roman. As long as he can remember he has loved reading. Just him and a book in a quite spot disappearing inside the pages for hours. But he has also been a goofy class clown for most of his life. He makes friends easily, and you’ll rarely see him without at least one friend at his side, but he also needs some quiet alone time to read and - nowadays - write.

Those big dreams he had as a kid were to become a writer, and that’s a dream he has never let go of. However, as he got older he realised that making money as a writer is actually really hard. Especially since he has yet to finish the book he’s been working on for a couple of years now.

So in the meantime he has decided to work at big bear resort, just to make money. he thinks his job at the check in desk is possibly the most boring job ever. But it pays the bills and he gets to talk to people, also one if his biggest hobbies.

few headcanons: - he’s v soft and definitely a hopeless romantic but he dated a girl for a few years who he was totally in love with and then... she cheated. it was really messy. turned out she’d been cheating for a couple of months actually. roman had lost any hope in love - lives in an apartment with ian and it’s a mess but in a good way (kind of). not a cat person but mimi is the Exception. - the sleepiest boy ever. will nap with you if he sees the chance. sleep is holy he’s not responsible for the injuries caused by waking him up. - has a little sister he adores. he can be kinda annoying and childish, but never with her. he’s a Responsible Older Brother yknow - will write you poems when he’s drunk enough. kinda like a pretentious drunk girl in a bathroom vibes.

[ alright so a quick summary of all that is Roman: Slave to the Aesthetic, kind of obsessed with dark academia. A wannabe writer and (when he gets drunk enough) poet. He’s a good kid, from a loving home, all quite average. But because he’s also a pretentious know it all (and that’s the side that shows more than his kind, sensitive one) he actually kind of wishes he was some kind of tortured artist and he can be a bit much when you first meet him. Becomes very cuddly when drunk. He’s just kind of trying to find his place in the world. ]

━━ wanted connections

× i’m gonna be very lazy and boring but tbh i dont have anything specific here atm. best friends, hookups, mortal enemies, it’s all 100% wanted.

#bigbearintro #&& –– he’s messy but he’s kind // ANATOMY ❜

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suttonfm · 5 years

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greetings , angels , i’m back AGAIN with a second muse , the lovely sutton marie attwood ! i have so much muse for sutton , seeing as she is a character i have been itching to bring to life for a long time ! i’m very excited for you all to read more about her , so without further ado , please take a gander below the cut , & for plotting purposes , make sure you give this post a big phat LIKE if you would like me to message / im you . enjoy reading about my presh ballerina :’ ))

𝓶𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓲𝓷𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷

⋆ ╰ another year at hollingsworth , another year of the big six rivalry . i hear that SUTTON ATTWOOD is ensuring KAPPA KAPPA DELTA gets a solid pledge class and stays at the top of the ranks . oh , you’re not familiar with HER ? SUTTON is the BRIDGET SATTERLEE look alike from BOSTON , MASSACHUSETTS . apart of PC ‘16 , she is majoring in PERFORMING ARTS and has plans to JOIN THE BOSTON BALLET after undergrad . it makes sense they pledged their house , their BENEVOLENT & DOCILE attributes make them perfect matches . however , their SUBMISSIVE & NAIVE attributes keep their name alive on greek rank . if you don’t catch them dancing to GET WELL SOON - ARIANA GRANDE at a fraternity band party this year , you’ll be sure to catch them nursing their morning hangover at THE KAPPA HOUSE . cheers to another wild semester !

𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓼𝓽𝓾𝓭𝔂

𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖𝕤 & 𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖𝕤

so ! sutton has a wide array of things she likes : long walks in the park , puppies that are learning how to run , freshly sharpened number two pencils , the smell of an old book , baby clips , leather mary janes , dainty jewelry , bubble baths , pink or creme roses , daffodils , heart - shaped lollipops . she dislikes cursing , mean - spirited people , drinking alcohol / doing drugs , vulgarity / explicit conversation . she also hates having to walk alone at night , when she misses church , & all red meat .

if you want a lil’ more of her general aesthetic , click HERE for her pinterest board , loves !

𝕞𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪

lovely lil’ sutton .... where do i even start JSLDKAJSDLKJ ok so ... she’s . angelic vibes all 2019 , ok ? she’s wholesome , pure of heart , & overall , is one of the kindest people that anyone at hollingsworth will come across . her overall demeanor is docile , quiet , the girl usually keeping to herself , opting to stay quiet when facing confrontation or a new , strange situation . her voice is a lil deeper , not so much pealing bells , but something with a bit of a rasp , accented by the bostonian lilt to everything she says . she’s irish - catholic , her family being very devoted to their faith , & passing that on to her ... she’s always wearing her cross , & making sure her general attire is conservative enough for the lord ( lordt salkdjad ) . i’m talking tights , white ruffled socks , the whole nine : / she’s also ! very smart , well - read , writing poems & reading old novels . currently , she plays the piano , & is on hollingsworth’s dance team ! she’s very disciplined as a lifetime ballerina , her life revolving around the entire process . she’s devoted , loyal , kind , & overall just ! a lil angel ; _ ; so pls love her : (

𝓶𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓭𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷

sutton attwood was born the youngest of four children , to her mother marie , and her father , alexander . marie and alexander had been married for the last twenty - seven years , having kids in their younger years , happily in love , ready to start a family . after her three siblings were born , there was a long gap until her own arrival , an accident that her parents had no reason to expect . but she came anyway , arriving into the attwood family , lungs aching as she cried & cried .

as a young girl , sutton was very well - behaved , but also very sensitive . she was careful to mind her manners , knowing the consequence of having her elbows on the table , or neglecting to fold her napkin across her lap . her parents had high standards & expectations , strict rules that they enforced to ensure their daughter stayed within the mold of the rest , the two of them scared that , with sutton being the anomaly , she may have the tendency to try to break from the restraints they had confined the rest of their kids in .

for most of her adolescence , the girl was extremely confined , repressed ; she had no way of exhibiting her freedom , expression , or creativity , except for one thing -- ballet . she had started as soon as she could walk , her parents having her join on the premonition it would be a good outlet for her , a way to teach her the discipline they were sure she would need . little did they know she would end up loving ballet , naturally poised for such a difficult art form , her grace & athleticism preceding her wildest dreams as she continued to train & train , changing dance companies over the years as she became better & better .

being raised irish - catholic , she has a strict church schedule , attending mass every saturday with her whole family , & sometimes during the week to help her church organize youth groups , bible study , & activities of the same ilk . being heavily involved in the church only served to reinforce her parents warnings , the people around her sure to remind her that if she were to sin , she was damned to an eternity of suffering . with that in mind , sutton always navigated the world as carefully as she could . her overall mindset was to stay out of trouble , avoiding temptation as she came across it . her will power is something that she praises herself for , being able to resist drugs , sex , & alcohol her entire life .

due to her kind demeanor , she has the tendency to be taken advantage of , her niceness taken as weakness over the years as people took the chance to belittle or berate her , but despite it , her exterior has never hardened , the girl’s heart forever warn & displayed on her sleeve .

since coming to hollingsworth , the girl has done her best to maintain her pristine image , her reputation untainted by the things a college experience may promise to tarnish . but somehow , she’s sidestepped trouble up until now -- senior year . as a kappa , she has the intention only to maintain her house’s top spot , her competitive nature from dancing making it so that her kindness isn’t always necessarily extended to the members of other sororities , but a part of her can’t help but still smile in other girl’s directions , happy to have them as a friend instead of an enemy . the cutthroat mentality of kappa house is overwhelming , but with chaise as president , sutton is even more nervous to see what happens .

with the promise of new experiences on the horizon , sutton intends to keep up the good work . to maintain her 4.0 gpa , to keep her virginity & promise to god intact , & to continue dancing without having any drama . whose gonna tell her .....

𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼

tbh ! i want her BEST FRIEND , one - sides friendship ( i . e . sutton bothering them & always being nice , inevitably driving them crazy ) , her CRUSH ( this is a big one bcos ... well ... v*rgin or what not jlkjlajskdjaldaj but yes could be mutual / one - sided ) , someone she tutors bcos she’s a smart gal ! her confidant , her ex - best friend ( maybe dropped her bcos when they came into the college they were both wholesome & they gave into the whole greek lifestyle , losing themselves / sutton along the way :/ ) um ! i can’t think of anything else rn but u know me ... lets go off chem <3 ok , that’s all for now , folks !

#╰ ❥ disconnected so sometimes i feel frozen . / 𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓼 .#rank:intro #!!!!!!!!!!!!#pls come plot w your girl : /#i tried to make it shorter than the first one so it's not just all word vom so <3 ily

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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1. Are looks important in a relationship? I can’t say they don’t matter at all. To me, there’s got to be some attraction. However, I will say that other things can make a person attractive as well. Anyway, physical attractiveness isn’t the most important thing. It’s gotta go deeper than that. 2. Are relationships ever worth it? Yes. 3. Are you a virgin? Yes. 4. Are you in a relationship? Nope. 5. Are you in love? No.

6. Are you single this year? I’ve been single for over a decade, technically. If the thing I had with Joseph for a few years counts (it was complicated), then I’ve been single for 6 years. It’s been 3-4 years since I’ve even talked to anyone in that kind of way.

7. Can you commit to one person? Yes. 8. Describe your crush I don’t have a crush. 9. Describe your perfect mate Someone patient and understanding is a must. And other good things of course like kind, caring, loving, trustworthy, loyal, etc. And a good sense of humor. 10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope. 11. Do you ever want to get married? No. 12. Do you forgive betrayal? Depends. 13. Do you get jealous easily? I feel envy more often. 14. Do you have a crush on anyone? No. 15. Do you have any piercings? Just my ears. 16. Do you have any tattoos? Nope. 17. Do you like kissing in public? Apparently I didn’t mind with Joseph. We made out everywhere. :X 20. Do you shower every day? No, more like every couple days. 21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Not romantic feelings. Like I said, I’m not even talking to anyone in that way currently. It’s been a few years. 22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Nope. 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Yes. 24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Uh, no. I’m sure I’ll still be single. 25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? This year is pretty much over. I don’t see anything changing next year. 26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes. Guess they got over that. 27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? Poems, yes. 28. Have you ever been cheated on? No. 29. Have you ever cheated on someone? No. 30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? No. 31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? Too many damn times. 32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Twice. 33. Have you ever had sex with a man? Virgin here. 34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? 35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? No. 36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? My first (and technically only) boyfriend was my best friend before we dated. I’ve had crushes on other guy friends, too. I had a big crush on my best guy friend in middle school and like everyone knew about it, ha. It was middle school, for some reason everyone knew about everyone. He knew and apparently liked me, too, but nothing came of it. We were both too young and not ready for that. 37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? They didn’t like him cause of how he treated me. 38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes. 39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yep. 40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Yeah, but they never saw the light of day and they never will. 41. Have you had sex so far this year? V i r g i n. 42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? *shrug* Man, it’s been so long. 43. How long was your longest relationship? I count whatever it was that Joseph and I had, which lasted almost 4 years. 44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? One, technically, but Joseph and I had something. We weren’t officially together, but it was the closest thing I ever had and that’s including the technical boyfriend I had. With him, it was just the title, really. Joseph and I had more, but without the title. It was confusing and complicated. 45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? One. 46. How many times did you have sex last year? Sigh. 47. How old are you? 30. 48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? I don’t like anyone in that way currently. 49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? 50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? That would be so completely random and out of the blue, I honestly don’t know what I’d say. It would catch me off guard that’s for sure. I’d have a lot of questions. 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? My loved ones. 52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? I’ve given up on myself in a lot of ways these past few years. :/ 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? 54. Is there someone you will never forget? There’s a lot of people I’ll never forget. 55. Share a relationship story. Nah. 56. State 8 facts about your body Nah. 57. Things you want to say to an ex Hope you’re doing well. 58. What are five ways to win your heart? I don’t feel like listing things. 59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) Look at my avatar.

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? Just a year. 61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? Whatever’s noticeable about them? <<< 62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Hmm. 63. What is your definition of “having sex”? Uhh penetration? 64. What is your definition of cheating? Kissing or having sex with someone other than your partner is the obvious one, but I think there’s emotional cheating as well. 65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? 66. What is your favourite roleplay? 67. What is your idea of the perfect date? Perhaps out to eat or a coffee date. 72. What words do you like to hear during sex? 74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? I look for things deeper than that. 75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? People in my life have done a lot of sweet things for me. 76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? I don’t know. 77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? To me, I don’t want a huge age gap. I wouldn’t date anyone younger and I think maybe up to 5 years older. 78. What’s your dirtiest secret? Wouldn’t you like to know. 79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? It’s been a long time. 80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Yesterday. 81. Who are five people you find attractive? Alexander Skarsgard. 82. Who is the last person you hugged? My mom. 83. Who was your first kiss with? Derek. He was the first and technically only boyfriend I talked about earlier. 84. Why did your last relationship fail? He didn’t want a relationship and didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about him. 85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? No.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years

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Survey #219

“make a move and you pay for it; pick a lord and you pray to it.”

Do you actually love your grandpa? I don't really remember either of mine. I do from what I remember and have learned of them, though. Do you actually love your grandma? I don't remember my dad's mom at all, but I mean, I love her simply for being my dad's mother, who loved her. My mom's mom, yeah, even though she's. Hard to like a lot of the time. Do you have Facebook? Yes. What was the last thing you posted on someone’s wall? A birthday post. Do you have MySpace? My old one still exists, but I sure haven't been on it since it was current. What is your favorite kind of music? Heavy metal. Favorite soft drink? Mountain Dew Voltage is actually cocaine to me rip. Favorite food? Probably like... pepperoni pizza or cheeseburgers. I'm a full-blooded 'Merican. Have you ever felt replaced? OH, HAVE I! Have you ever worn false eyelashes? No. Do you ever regret making a friend? I don't think so. Can you cure mental illness? I don't know about cure, but you can certainly learn how to handle it better and alleviate symptoms. Is God good? Define "God." Cats or dogs? Kitties. Do you play video games? Yeah, but I don't play nearly the variety that I used to. Do you take medication for mental health? Yes. Can you really be racist to a white person? No shit? Do you have a favorite hair accessory? What does it look like? No. What’s your favorite type of insect? Butterflies. What’s your LEAST favorite type of insect? Larvae, like maggots. Disgusting. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? What did you say? What’s his/her favorite food? Idk and I don't feel like checking. I rarely use it. What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White is a mood with my mad-at-God-24/7 ass. It needs to stop honestly. I've become so hateful about religion. Not towards followers, mind you, just the concept itself. I could write a novel on this, but I don't feel like it. Just me and organized religion don't get along anymore. Have you ever slept in a water bed? On a water mattress, yeah. How do you feel about having sex during your menstrual period? Never tried, not for me. Sounds messy. Does your ex have a job? My most recent, I guess you mean? Yeah. Have you ever slept in a car? Yeah, on long drives to like New York and stuff. What was the last term of endearment you used (babe, hun, dear, etc)? *checks phone* "Sweetie." How often do you use Flickr? Never. I can't log into my account anymore since Yahoo said "fuck u Britt," so there's no point. Have you ever been on a blind date? No. Do you have a crush on the last person you texted? She's my girlfriend so y'know like- Have you ever got into an argument with the last person you kissed? We very much disliked each other at first, so... guess, lmao. Have you ever liked somebody who was nice to you, but horrible to everyone else? Eh, that's a mystery... Juan was very sweet to me, but I know he had a bad rep. I didn't really see how he interacted with others. How’s your appetite atm? It's normal. I'm not currently hungry. Out of all the conversations you’ve had recently, which one has made you smile or laugh the most? Sara randomly and excitedly texted me to tell me "Welcome to the Jungle" was on at work, which was on the radio both when I was there and she was here, so she thought of how much she missed me lakdjsfkalwe I smiled my face in half. Do you look decent in your most recent photograph? Eh, it wasn't awful. It was for my school ID. What is one vacation destination that many people think is just fabulous but which you personally have no desire to visit (or revisit)? New York City. My sis went and said it was 1.) insane and 2.) disgusting. If you were five years younger but knew everything at that age that you’ve actually learned over the last five years, what is one thing you would definitely do differently? Go to the partial hospitalization program way sooner. What serves as the greatest motivation for you in your daily life? To earn a happy, content future. What activity that you have to do every once in a while that you dread the most? "Every once in a while," I'd say clean Mitsu's cage. She is such a strange rat. Enjoys pets, but being picked up is a no sir. When people hear what you do for a living, what is the most typical question or comment they give you regarding your job? N/A If you were left alone for one hour with nothing more than a pen and a notepad, what would you be inclined to draw or write during those 60 minutes? I'd probably write a poem. I know I wouldn't draw 'cuz fuck no am I doing so with a pen. If you could witness anything at all in super-slow motion, what would you want to see? Uhhh. Idk. Anything I can think of, like lightning, I've seen because of the Internet. If someone were looking for you in a bookstore, in what section would they be most likely to find you? Probably like, young adult fiction/fantasy, something like that. What do you forget to do more often than anything else? Lately, take one of my mood stabilizers. I need to get the box out... aaaand forget every day. I haven't felt any different without it tho so like... If you could teach everyone in the world one skill, what would it be? Compassion, maybe. You’ve been offered the chance to paint a billboard along a highway with any message you choose, as long as it’s only 10 words long. What is your message? I'm not spending time musing over something that serious lakaljdsfawe. Would you ever travel to Africa? Hell yes. I desperately want to go to South Africa on the Tswalu Kalahari tour. Whose house were you last at? Besides my own, my older sister's. Have you ever had a near-death experience? I guess this depends on how near death you mean. I've been in one car accident that my mom managed to make minor only by being a good driver; realistically, we should've flipped, according to the cop. My mom just acted quickly enough. Then I heavily ODed, but I was given more than enough fluids in time to keep me surprisingly okay. I don't know what would've happened if I hadn't told Mom so quickly, and I don't care to think about it. I'm fucking lucky and don't want to think about what could've happened. Have you ever met anyone who was overly addicted to a computer game? Tbh I myself could've been in this position when my depression was so bad, but then there's factors to that that lean towards it just having been a preference versus addiction. Idk. It's not a problem anymore so not worth debating over. Have you ever been fingered? That was the first cheat when you chose abstinence lmao. What do you do the most when you are online? Watch or listen to something on YouTube. What video game have you played the most? So in WoW you can actually type in /played to see how long you've played JUST that one character up to the years (or maybe days?) down to seconds and. I will never type it in lmao. Ongoing games are v depressing. Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? No, those are thankfully gone. What is something you and your significant other do that may seem weird to others? Be helplessly and openly in love with imaginary demons while dating each other lmao (she's a Freeza fanatic). When and why did you last cry? The second day of school because of math class. When was the last time you drank? I think like... back on the 4th of July. Or some days after 'cuz I know Mom and I didn't finish the container in one night. Do you wear jewelry a lot? Just my piercings, really. Save for on my ear lobes because the holes on the left are fucked up, yay. I'm going to wind up just slightly stretching the first holes when I can afford a small kit; actual studs or hoops look stupid. Never wanted gauges until the holes got too stretched by the weight of hoops; now something needs to be there. Who in your household do you not have a good relationship with? My sister's (who doesn't even live here...) dog Bentley. I hate him and he doesn't like me. No, that doesn't mean I mistreat a pet. He's just a pain in the goddamn ass. Who in your life are you scared to lose more than anything? My mom. I don't know what would happen to me or how I'd cope at this time. Honestly, would you rather be single or in a relationship? I'm happier in a healthy relationship. Do any of your friends not get along at all? No. I mean, not that I know of. What are your 3 favorite internet sites? I'd be LOST without YouTube, then KM follows up close. #3, uh... Facebook or Tumblr, I suppose. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? No. Well, I do have a little book of Disney World character autographs, but I don't think that really counts. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? We use Wal-mart. Who is your favorite model? Sara is a gd model don't even @ me about it. What have you done that is out of character for you? The Joel thing is the most anti-Brittany thing I've ever done for sure. I can't think of anything more current that stands out, unless it's- NO WAIT, this was quite a few months ago, but I firmly stood against an opinion my psychiatrist made known. He's very talkative and open as hell about his beliefs in current events, and he said something about pit bulls where I was just like... um no sir. I wasn't going to be rude though to HIM of all people so just said I don't base dogs by their breed and shut up. Awkward silence and we moved on. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? LGBT acceptance and rights. I already protest by having given up Chic-fil-a okay I care y'all. What’s the biggest blooper you’ve never lived down? Who knows... What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can’t? Idk. I'm lucky to not have really been told that... What are you most thankful for? Thinking it all over, probably being born where I am. Boy is America FUCKED UP in some places, but boy would I be in a MUCH worse place if I was born in, say, North Korea, between my mental issues, sexuality, and opinions that can go to either end of the spectrum. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? I love them! You can find the coolest, wackiest shit. What do you like to put gravy on? I hate gravy with a passion. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? No. What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? I genuinely think I'm a nice person that has other's well-being in mind. What is priceless to you? Love, in any form. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? Uhhh. I guess more than anything, I'm proud of my distant cousin for her unwavering love for and loyalty to her daughter when it came to escaping the Middle East and her dictatorial husband. Read Not Without My Daughter, it's great. Do you keep a budget? I don't have an income. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? Rested, a good night's sleep following being truly exhausted. Refreshed, oh man, gimme a hot, long shower. Who depends on you the most? Nobody. Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? Hell no. Has one of your biggest fears come true? Yes. I was entirely convinced the world would literally end if Jason left. That night still doesn't feel real. Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? Colleen and Mom once fought after I'd ignored her, so I guess? It wasn't my wish or anything though for her to do it; Mom had shit to say by her own volition, and I wasn't going to tell my mother "no you can't do that." Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? No? Have you ever ridden on a subway or train and what did you like about it? Nope. Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? Yes. What embarrasses you instantly? A LOT A LOT A LOT!!!!! It is SO easy to embarrass me, including second-handedly. Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? Hell no, I'm most certainly not in the necessary shape, and quite honestly I'm not that willing to risk my life for random people that could be assholes. What do you think should be censored? Idk. I have mixed feelings on censorship, no matter how stupid it seems. Eh... yeah, idk. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Queen Victoria and William Clark. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Depends on who and obviously if we're even compatible. Have you ever fired a gun? No. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Sincerely caring for them, probably. Who is a female role model in your life? My mom, in some ways. What childhood dreams have you neglected? Jfc a lot, I don't want to think about it. What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? My future, honestly. It's hard picturing my elderly days. Like I'm not suicidal anymore, I just don't really... realize I'll get there, I guess. I can't picture myself being old and alive. Would you travel to space if possible? No, too long of a trip. Are you an optimistic person? I'm a realist. Do you consider yourself more realistic OR idealistic? ^ Have you ever felt bi-curious? I started out accepting myself as bisexual through thinking myself as bicurious. I quickly realized "bisexual" was more accurate than "bicurious," but it was an easier thing to shift acceptance towards in regards to yourself when you thought you were straight for 21 years. Are you a fan of U.S. President Donald Trump? No sir. I agree with some of his ideas, but I hate him as an asshole person without a trace of manners. Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Multiple. I'd assume most people know someone who fits at least one criterion there. Are you green-eyed? Not exactly, but they definitely have a green hue to them. They're a gray/green blue. Would you consider UFC fighting and WWE real sports events? I think it's beyond debate that a lot of it is staged, but I mean, I guess to a degree? You still have to fight. It's physical exertion. Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? No. Wait. I can't remember if my grandmother had cancer or not... but I don't think so. She was just old. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? An office, definitely. In my work-hunting as well as actual work experience, office work is probably the only job I could actually do that doesn't require a degree... Do you have a favorite wild animal? Why? You can't know me and not be fully aware meerkats are my favorite animal. Why? Ho boy. I love social species, and meerkats have such strong personalities, and holy shit are those little things brave as fuck. They're so GOSH DARN CUTE!!!! too, and their loyalty to each other is astounding. I love how playful and curious the little guys are, and... just wow okay, I could write an actual essay on how I adore meerkats so goddamn much. Do you have any unusual, uncommon phobias? I'm sure there are other people afraid of whale sharks, but I don't think it's common? And is an actual phobia of pregnancy uncommon? Idk. Do you prefer Android or iPhone? I hate my Android. I've had an iPhone in the past, and it was great. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? All, depending on my mood. Most often I'd say I like sweet. Do you believe climate change is real? We can't be friends if you don't. Do you believe in evolution OR creationism? Evolution. Do you think people can really predict the future? Nah. Have you been to a lot of shrinks? I hate that word. Just call them therapists. But yeah. How often do you clean your room? Not often enough. I need to dust... Any movies coming out soon that you want to see? I DESPERATELY wanna see the "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" one. Those books were my CHILDHOOD. What was the last fear you overcame? I don't know about totally overcame, but vocational rehab helped me quite a bit with answering the phone to numbers I didn't recognize. Have you ever hurt yourself trying to crack a body part? No, nothing on me really cracks. Well no, both my big toes do, but no, I haven't hurt myself trying to crack them. What’s the worst part about winter? The days where it's cold BUT ALSO WINDY asdkljfaklwej;awe Summer? It's too fucking hot and probably humid, too. Spring? POLLEN. Fall? Literally nothing. :') Are you allergic to anything? Pollen and silver. How many times have you changed a diaper in your life? Like, once. Which country has the most fascinating culture? Oh boy, idk. Who does your favorite song? Idrk what my current favorite song is. I say my all-time fave is "False Flags" by Massive Attack, but it's not something I constantly wanna listen to. I guess you could maybe say it's "Headache" by Motionless In White; I play and repeat that a lot. I've really been digging them lately. When was the last time you wore makeup? Shit dude, idk. Months ago. Do you prefer males or females or both? I'm generally afraid of men, but I mean, I don't "prefer" one over the other if he's a good guy. Where in your town do you go when you wanna chill with a few friends? I don't have any friends I go out with. But there's nowhere to go here anyway. Where’s the best place to get coffee? N/A Have you ever seen someone struggle with an addiction? My dad was an alcoholic, but he's recovered. He loved (idk if he still does it) fantasy football, too. Pretty sure I got my addictive personality from him, lol. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? Early 2017. Do you like cranberry juice? omfg NO. Do you play any zombie-killing video games? The Last of Us is fucking dope, but I didn't finish it before my PS3 broke. :'( I like the Resident Evil series too, and some of those games have zombies or similar creatures. And The Walking Dead game tears my heart out every fucking season. What is the dominating genre on your mp3 player/iPod? Varying forms of metal. Do you have a book shelf? No. What website do you spend way too much time on? YouTube is ALWAYS open. I constantly either watch let's players and a few other kinds of YTers, moving windows around so I can see it and do other things, or listen to music. Do you like wind chimes? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!! WINDCHIMES!!!!!!!!!! Do you have a fetish? No. Do you have a pet fish? No. Don't get me wrong, they're beautiful and calming, but not worth it for me personally. They don't have much of a personality at all, and cleaning a tank so much for just a fish isn't for me. Do you like kettle corn? (That sweet and salty popcorn) Yessss! Do you enjoy classic rock? Hell yeah, man. When was the last time you went for a walk, just cause? Not since I was at Sara's last. Do you listen to Type O Negative? No. Do you have any fillings or cavities? Yeah. Have you gotten your wisdom teeth taken out yet? No, and thankfully I don't need to. One was very close to needing to be, but it has just enough room. Do you actually read privacy policies when signing up for new things? "Depending on what I’m signing up for, I’m likely to at least skim it." <<< This. Did you have a lot of birthday parties when you were younger? If so, did you invite everyone in the class? I had a party every year up to... idk what age. And no, I only invited friends. Do you like when things are color coordinated? Yes. Have you ever participated in one of those “guess how many jelly beans, mints, etc. are in this jar!” contest? if so, have you ever won? Yeah, and no. Can you juggle? Nope. Have you ever mistaken a ringing phone on TV or in a movie for your own? Who hasn't? How often do you use bobby pins? Never. My hair's really too short for them. Well, I'd probably pin the right side up if I was doing something like cleaning. Do you live on an avenue, road, drive or something else? Road. What are your school colors? Blue and white. Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little? Yeah. Have you ever rolled down a steep, grassy hill for fun? Actually yeah. Do you like Nerds candy? Yes I do.

#survey #quiz #questions #random #bored

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thegirlwholied · 5 years

Text

a story of two stories

...a behind-the-scene that no one asked for, but I cannot help myself, because I have a few thoughts and they’re flowing out of my fingers today.

Last night I finally archived, on AO3, two fics I wrote in ‘08. They have, on the surface, both very little uniting them, in terms of common characters and style (action/dialogue v. reflection) and plenty, the more I try to compare... most obviously that they’re both one-POV Harry Potter oneshots of similar length, one set in 1978 and one set in 1979, written at the same era of my writing.

I named both after Yeats poems.

In October I wrote In Their Autumn Beauty, taking the title from the first line of one of my all-time favorites, “The Wild Swans at Coole”:

The trees are in their autumn beauty, The woodland paths are dry

I wrote it when it was really hitting me, that James and Lily and co. were in their late teens/early twenties during the first Order/Voldemort War, that I was suddenly nearing the age they were when these fictional characters I’d read and written about through my growing-up years were married, had a kid, and died, and around my younger brother and sister’s friends, was struck by feeling old (ha, ha, ha, I say, a decade+ later). And I was looking at the poem’s lines such as the nineteenth autumn has come upon me/since I first made my count, and all’s changed and trod with a lighter tread and their hearts have not grown old -

I’d like to say I then was inspired to write some brilliant utterly original work sealed into timelessness, but I wrote this fan fic, and, well, I still like it, and I’ll say this too:

Everything I put together and ‘published’, as fan fiction, is easily accessible to me and an instant time capsule to my writing, while my staggered notes and computer files aren’t quite so, and I’ve lost some, too, though I re-find them, sometimes.

But I’ve been able to call this little story up any time I like, and look at it, and know, well... I wrote this when my dad, who loved Yeats, was still alive, and by the time I posted my next little online story, he was not.

I put Somewhere Under Starlight up in December ‘08. By that date it was a little over two weeks after my dad died, a little over a week after I wrote his eulogy. My whole family still felt train-struck-- it was Dad’s heart, on his usual run, and none of us, especially not him, would ever have imagined him being gone.

I usually included author’s notes at that time...which, when I reread years later, usually make me roll my eyes or laugh at myself or wonder, who, exactly, was the girl writing that or begging for feedback, because she’s not me, not anymore...

That original posting does not have any kind of author’s note. No words but fictional ones.

It looks like I posted the first chapter of No Nay Never just about ten days after that, too, though, heaven help me if I remember doing so, I don’t know if I already had most of it written and just put it online, or if it was all just flowing out of me, as I escaped into a fictional character’s struggles instead of mine. I did write there ‘Please take the time to review, any words of feedback mean more than you know, especially just now’

...Which hits me hard reading back as, I guess, a real adult now, not that I’m terribly successful at adulting. I was even younger at heart than my young age, then, and longing, for, I suppose, an audience.

One of my happy few reviewers right then, right away, said, this was so different from your other work. In theme and in writing too.

(All’s changed, since I...)

And it is, and it isn’t, and it is, and it’s funny, in that sense when funny means a little strange and a little sad, that I’d been writing stories about loss and grief long before I ever understood it, beyond books, and so a sliver of something truer than usual went into the first story I wrote after my dad died. Most of it is complete character study, diving into the fictional world I knew best and loved most, and certainly when writing about the Black sisters’ father, that’s not at all my dad, not at all... but for one or two stolen touches, like standing in the hall, to check on his children sleeping, but for seeming too young, too alive, to be gone.

The truest part of it, what I was feeling the most, hides in the title, which was lifted from Cuchulain’s Fight With The Sea, Yeats again.

“You have the heaviest arm under the sky,” the son of the titular legendary hero is told. He counters that as untrue.

'Whether under its daylight or its stars My father stands amid his battle-cars.'

'But you have grown to be the taller man.'

'Yet somewhere under starlight or the sun My father stands.'

The somewhere under starlight line kept drumming through my head; it’s never left me. My father stands. Except then, he does not anymore, my dad who was my hero... he cannot be found under starlight or the sun. And I suppose I’ve been writing my way around grasping that ever since, and while I’ve written fiction and some nonfiction, not unlike this post here, that did that work much more for me, when it came to grieving in writing form, I turned to fan fic first. And because I preserved it there, I can still find it there, any time, welling behind the lines.

This is more just a story of what was and is, not a story with one clear point. I’ve been thinking about audiences and waiting on feedback lately, re: original fiction, and in stepping my toes back into the fan fiction world, as I try to be someone who finishes things, someone with both a metaphorical and literal clean house, I’ve been thinking of the girl I was and who I am and the role, there’s no question, being part of this community from my own little corner played in that becoming. If you want it, this is a reminder that reviews do mean so much, often more than is known; if you want, it’s a glimpse into the unknown real behind one person putting those free and lovingly-crafted thousands and thousands of words out there. Maybe you’ve read all thousands of mine, and did not know this until now: you, maybe, read the last thing, and the first thing, I wrote, before and after the moment that most altered my life and myself.

And while you didn’t know that, you do, of course, still know me, too, if you’ve read any of my stories, probably both less and more than you think. I’ve never lifted anything wholesale from life, but writers steal... and I’ve stolen the look of someone’s hair and the color of flowers and this anecdote and that one line, and every character is a little bit me... even the ones who belonged to someone else first, as is always the case with fan fiction... and yet belong to all of us readers & writers out there, as is always the case with fan fiction. So here are just a few more words of mine, and cheers to you all, always <3

#this is long enough to warrant a read more #but i don't intend to take up any tag #and if you're following me well #this is who you're following #the happy few #my writing #about me #my fanfic #hp fanfic #here are a few things that are true:#the flower color at the November funeral (and the wild-eyed desperate fit over the little things Sirius isn't there to throw?)#that's a Lupin story and he holds things in. I do not. There was a fit.#in Thrice there's a bit about Mr. and Mrs. Potter looking so old that came from my grandparents at the time- their hands especially #there's something of my senior prom in the dancing at Lily and James' wedding #there's something of beautiful boys I actually know who broke hearts without paying attention that went into my interpretation of Sirius #my understanding of non-secondhand grief - and it over time- shows up somewhere in the later chapters of Wheezy #(and everywhere in the original novel i've finished probably)#the way Dorcas and Kingsley in their respective oneshots are a little removed-#the way Lily has a lot of friends and yet remains somewhat apart-#there's something of me in that.#much of my fan fic is sheer character analysis #meta in action form #just interpretation or fun #the motorbike + Sirius flying story - aside from my word selection there is really nothing of me in that #in fact I've always loved with fan fic that distance from what you yourself are putting into the story #it's all the clearer 'no this is not at all this person who i knew it's this character from someone else's books'#you don't have to explain they're a quilt woven out of a million different shards not any one person lifted wholesale #they're already there waiting for you #and it's nice to find them so easy to pick up with like old friends in trying to sit down and finish a few old fics now #meanwhile trying to figure out which backburner concept will be my next novel

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