#it just doesn't make a lot of sense to me that she's grieving him otherwise

[13eyond13]

What do you think of halle form deathnote?

I think her role in the story where she is sort of double agenting and secretly spying on Takada as one of her bodyguards is interesting! I don't always love how her dynamic with Mello is portrayed (probably because Ohba's writing it, and we know he writes women annoyingly sometimes, but I find it hard to believe she'd be as into him as she seems to be if they had only just met and if he treated her as aggressively as he does). Otherwise I don't feel like we got a TON of insight into her life and personality, but she's definitely playing a cool role that has lots of room for fans to explore more in interesting ways.

#most of the spk are a bit blank slateish as characters to me? #like you can def imagine more elaborate lives for them but there wasn't enough in canon about them for me to get super deeply attached #i mean i am also not the best at judging mello's appeal apparently either #but i guess finding out that their backstory is just 'mello showed up at her place and they don't actually have any deep history together' #was disappointing and confusing haha #bc i could understand more if they were friends before this happened or whatever but #it just doesn't make a lot of sense to me that she's grieving him otherwise #i apologize to mello fans but overt aggressiveness is just the most offputting thing to me personally #ask #floweryflees #p

[janewayintersection]

the amount of people who are like "omg i ditched kaidan for garrus after he was mean to me on horizon!!" baffle me. shit on bioware's writing for making shep work with cerberus all you want, but kaidan calling shep out on this and not joining them is NOT the issue. in fact, him reacting like this is why i love him??

he specifically states he trusts shep, just not cerberus. which is the only rational response in that whole entire goddamn game!! like?? you spend all of me1 stopping cerberus operations. they kill several alliance soldiers and admiral kahoku, try to make a rachni army -- they are WELL known for cloning and ais... miranda even outright states she wanted to plant shep with a control chip. there is literally zero reason for kaidan to believe the shep in front of him isn't some cerberus sleeper agent. or an ai. or indoctrinated. or being manipulated (THIS ONE IS CANON BTW). even if he trusts shepard, he doesn't trust cerberus not to pull any of this. quite frankly, i'm baffled more companions don't have this exact, entirely justified concern.

loyalty is important, but blind loyalty is dangerous.

honestly, the crew in me2 is lucky that the illusive man was so weirdly and uncharacteristically insistent on shepard remaining untouched. things could have gotten very bad otherwise.

being best friends with someone, or more notably, being in love with someone, isn't the end all be all magic potion in this world. being in love with someone doesn't mean you should blindly trust their actions. if my significant other joined a terrorist group, you can bet my ass i wouldn't join them! sorry! if anything, it's healthy that kaidan has his own sense of morals and priorities he follows over shepard. he's his OWN person, love shouldn't be something that makes you suddenly give up who you are and what you believe in.

not to mention kaidan is entirely out of the loop for the whole game. his intel states that cerberus is behind the abductions (the horizon incident is partially a result of cerberus' fiddling btw), and that shep has been alive and never even reached out to anyone. he doesn't have the information we the players have. he doesn't know that the illusive man insisted on no control chip. he doesn't know about the lazarus project or its specifics.

and as for the "cheating" discourse if you romance someone new in me2, i do personally believe shep getting with one of the me2 love interests is cheating on their me1 love interest. to shep, they skipped those two years. they wake up as they did during the me2 prologue. no time has passed. and then they immediately get with someone else after one (1) argument with their love interest over them, may i remind you, joining a terrorist group. even if you don't think it's "technically" cheating, it's at the very least pretty trashy and flakey.

if anything, i'm gonna say it! kaidan is more forgiving than i'd be! the fact that he even sends an email saying he still cares and that they can see what happens after this is all resolved is WAY more than i would have done. the fact that kaidan will find out shep got with someone else, and STILL be willing to give shep a chance is like. man. it's saying a lot. i am just saying.

imagine losing someone. you see them literally die as your ship explodes and they burn up in the nearby planet's atmosphere. you grieve. you put yourself into your work. then suddenly, two years, later. they pop back up again. ALIVE. and with a terrorist group. and basically tell you the equivalent of "just trust me bro" despite the fact that while you trust them, you don't trust the terrorist group. so you're like hey, what the fuck. why are you with a terrorist group. and they're like i'm not with them, we just have common goals. and you're like. i'm gonna say it again. i trust you, not the terrorist group. okay?? i can't join you for this reason. please be careful out there, seriously.

and then they immediately jump into the pants of that one guy you knew back on a mission from two years ago.

what would you do?? would you not feel hurt? betrayed? upset? confused?? i'm sorry, i'm completely on kaidan's side. i'd go as far to say that he's far more understanding than he should be in me2.

me3 is all about regaining that complete and undying trust back, and that cerberus didn't fuck around w shep. or that being with cerberus didn't change them. his "loyalty" quest is just visiting him in the hospital and showing him shepard still cares. that they're still the same. that cerberus truly didn't alter them. that there was more going on. that shepard was forced to work with cerberus out of complete necessity and only did what they thought was right. and i think that's neat!!!!

#mass effect #kaidan alenko #shenko

[elkkiel]

fuck it I know I said yesterday I'm gonna hold on and wait but I just need to get some thoughts out of my head.

Content covered: love and empathy to Caiti, why he's taking so long to get his statement out, and frustrations with balancing personal mental health vs understanding that this isn't about *you*

1) Love to Caiti

I can't even imagine what she's going through right now. Regardless of if George had innocent or malicious intentions, it's obvious that this situation was incredibly traumatic for her. And I'm so glad that she has friends that are publicly willing to support her. I talked about it when Shelby spoke up so I won't bring it up again, but I get what she's going through and how much it fucking sucks. Hopefully, no matter the outcome, she can find peace and healing moving forward.

----------

2) Why he's taking so long

*I'll make statements empathizing with how difficult the self-defence process must be, but it in no way condones or excuses his potential behaviours or actions involved in this situation. He is a grown man and can deal with the consequences as such

The rush to get a statement and potentially closure to move on is understandable but still super stressful all the same. Given the severity of how this will impact his entire life moving forward, I wouldn't be surprised if he's seeking legal counsel or other advice before proceeding with a statement. Additionally, this is likely a situation where there may be little to no evidence that proves he didn't do anything, so whatever he presents has to be circumstantially rock solid with little room for doubt.

This isn't twitter drama where you can link a few screenshots and a twitlonger, or hop on stream quick to spout out your perspective. He stands to lose absolutely everything in his life today and it all depends on what he has to say and how he manages to say it. I know if I was in a situation like that (in the case that he legitimately believes he hasn't intentionally done anything wrong) I would be preparing in every way possible, short of a lawyer speaking for me, to clear my name to the best of my ability.

It makes sense that he's taking so long. He's probably not trying to ignore it and move on, but the lack of clarity on timelines certainly doesn't help him either. I wish he'll say something now too, but there's nothing wrong with taking longer than anticipated to detail out (probably with some fairly intimate detail that may be uncomfortable for anyone to share at such a scale) the most important stream of his life.

----------

3) Autism and grieving a special interest

There are (or were) a lot of neurodivergent people in this community. Like, a LOT. Some of us are able to drop hyperfixations or special interests and move on to something new with relative ease. Others struggle a hell of a lot more. You're not a bad person if you mourn the loss of a special interest in your life, it's just important that you keep the right perspective about it.

It's not as strong now as it was years ago, but the dream team have been a special interest for me since like July 2020. Emotionally, it honest to goodness feels like a loved one has died and I'm having a really hard time coping with it. Fuck, like I called in sick to work today because I the mental toll is so extreme I'm feeling physically ill.

Things will be okay and I'm so grateful to have Sleep Token right now, otherwise I don't know if I would be in a very safe place at the moment. It's really fucking hard and your pain is valid, despite what neurotypicals or neurodivergents with different experiences may say. The important thing to keep in mind is that your pain does not outweigh the pain of those genuinely hurt in this situation (Caiti in this case)

----------

4) Moving forward

I guess it all hinges on what's to come later today. Regardless of the outcome, things will never be the same here and I would be very surprised if any of the dream team carry on with their careers in the same capacity. I'm glad that people seem to be self-blaming less this time compared to the drituation. It still hurts to see this once-vibrant community crumble in such a short period of time.

I don't know what I'll do from here but I don't think the last 4 years were a waste. The dream team was a huge source of happiness during some of the darkest times of my life, and I don't think those memories could ever be tainted.

----------

Much love to everyone, whether you're still hanging around or not. I hope everyone finds happiness wherever they end up and that the truth will prevail in the end

#tw: sa mention #fandom discourse #elkk.txt

[exmcrtis]

you can sit beside me when the world comes down...

(a general overview of what my muses have been up to post-event)

ARTEMIS has mostly been laying low. she was unaffected by the destruction in town, but the emotional damage was enough to convince her she needs to keep her head down, and she's been spending more time at home or at work. she's been feeling more and more lonely these days, and as a result has decided to stop using physical intimacy as a coping mechanism. long story short, she's a reformed hoe.

BELLA has been splitting her time between jerico, the cruz-duttons, and her friends, but has mostly been with jerico. his injuries have worried her enough that she's in full-time panic mode, but is doing her best to hide it from everyone. she's also formed a new friendship with jessie, one that she plans to hold near and dear. just don't tell other people that she has a heart, she'll probably kick you in the shins.

CAIN suffered an eye injury during the earthquake, and has been sentenced to wear an eye patch for the foreseeable (pun intended) future. not being with val during the ordeal freaked him out, and they have been shacking up at his place for the past couple of weeks. he really only leaves the house to go to work, but he's been rendered useless since he needs both eyeballs in order to do his job properly. just call him captain cain and slap a pet parrot on his shoulder.

EZRA did not attend the event, as the idea of being around that many people freaks her out. she happily stayed at home with her books, but often visits the large cracks in town to inspect them. can usually be found staying out dangerously close to dark, but thinks nothing of it.

HALLEY sustained sprains to both her wrist and shoulder, but is otherwise unscathed. she's still quite emotionally stunted when it comes to her family situation, but chooses to distract herself by visiting mo as often as possible. she also spends a lot of time with zarina and knightley, but still doesn't fully open up about her feelings. she also confessed her feelings for saffron and doesn't regret it, but the very thought of liking someone that much terrifies her.

LAVENDER hasn't been doing so great for the past couple of weeks. the disappearance of her mother has left her feeling like a shell of a human, and no matter how much she tries to distract herself, she just can't shake it. she spends most of her time at work or around town, no longer feeling like the commune is home. however, she has no plans of moving out, so she's stuck in a limbo state currently.

LEIA was beebopping around until the earthquake hit, and then she scrambled home. she visits draven and salem more often than not, wanting to make sure that draven is okay despite how heavy things are at home.

LUCA has been hovering around parker as often as they'll let him. he didn't attend the event, but seeing so many people grieving and recovering makes him tense, so he's been spending most of his time at work. he does regular check-ins with all the weirdlings, and while he wants to pretend that he has no feelings, his concern for his little siblings for all intents and purposes outweighs any façade that he tries to put on. basically, this is the best time to try and befriend him.

ONDINE has been trying to adjust to life in town rather than the commune. her life has been uprooted in every sense of the word, and it's caused a lot of trust issues to develop that weren't there previously. she's made quick friends with celia, a good thing considering she's been bringing joei to work with her, and has begun settling into the idea of being around people outside of the commune. ondine wants to believe that she and joei are safe now that there's some sort of separation from absinthe, but she can't help but feel paranoid that something bad will happen at the drop of a hat.

PRUDENCE is living in a current state of grief and sadness. the loss of minnie hit her hard, so she's been trying and failing to find as many distractions as possible. she hasn't been sleeping much (if at all), and the exhaustion is starting to show. conrad's offer for her to stay over at the greene residence whenever she wanted has been accepted every single day since the earthquake. she's started to feel like a burden as of late, but she continues to show up at mason and conrad's door on a daily basis. she worries that she's overstaying her welcome and is waiting patiently for the day when they kick her out. spends most of her time crying but has become a pro at hiding it.

SALEM sustained some pretty serious burns from her shoulder down on her left side. in the past couple weeks she's visited the clinic a few times to make sure she's taking proper care of herself, but unless she's there or at work, she's spent most of her time at home. though draven tries to fuss over her, salem still keeps her focus on him, trying not to think too hard about what happened to her. however, she plans to cover up for quite some time, not wanting to draw attention to her burns. garnering extra attention is too scary.

SARE has spent most of her time working. she tries to check in with spencer even more now, not wanting to feel like a helicopter sister, but also wanting to make sure her little sibling is doing okay. she's finally coming around to the idea of having a closer relationship with sycamore, but she's choosing to take that one step at a time.

VIOLET has been a worrying mess since the earthquake. she's been trying to give saffron space, but has done at least one check-in (even if it's met with a grouchy attitude). she knows how worried rex is and has been spending as much time with him as possible so she can keep both of their minds at ease.

WOLF has been coping with his injury by cracking jokes and annoying arty. his hand was crushed badly by debris, and he anticipates that it'll never gain its full functionality ever again. while it's been extremely painful to deal with, his aversion to going to doctors (and being touched, for that matter) has made him refuse to go to the clinic. he will continue to cope with humor.

WYLIE is doing the worst of them all. minnie's death has left her feeling like she barely exists, and she cries most of her days away. she has stopped going to work all together, and when she is around other people, she mostly stays quiet until someone addresses her. wylie feels like there's no point to life anymore, and has no idea how to channel any of her emotions. coping mechanisms don't currently exist, and being around her can only be described as 'miserable'. she misses the love of her life.

#artemis hayes: musings #bella darling: musings #cain barlowe: musings #ezra blum: musings #halley macgillivray: musings #lavender parsons: musings #leia tolentino: musings #luca russo: musings #ondine feng: musings #prudence wheaton: musings #salem salazar: musings #sare holmes: musings #violet beauregarde: musings #wolf lykaios: musings #wylie bateman: musings

[felikatze]

The Inevitable Laix2 Essay

So. It's been three months since asgv3 came out, eh? Well. I just beat laix2. for realsies. and i have Feelings. this is late, but it was nonetheless inevitable.

Today i'm gonna talk about parallels! Primarily with Mother Computer, Ypsilon, and Copen. Full spoilers ahead.

We have Lola, the cheery idol sidekick, reduced to a ruthless machine bent on wiping out all robots. Her focus on this task and her desparation to succeed are familiar. Quite so.

Mother being a parallel version of Lola, one grieving the inevitable death of Copen, is fucking brilliant. It makes me want to sob. It's so good.

Mother is, in my opinion, a great reflection of ASGV1 Copen. Both are grieving the loss of their parents, Mother's Creator and Copen's father. They're wrought with grief, but cannot process it properly. Instead, they cling to the remaining ideology of their parent.

For Copen, he clung to the fear of adepts instilled in him by his father. Mother, however, severely misunderstood what her Creator wanted. From what we see of the tower the game takes place in, the world is desolate. Humans went extinct. And Creator Copen built the robots in an effort to preserve the legacy of humanity, as well as with the hope of reviving it.

Mother hated the robots, because she thought their growing independance meant they aimed to "replace" humanity. Which is exactly what ASGV1 Copen thought about adepts.

They're both afraid that the legacy they've been given will vanish, and thus lash out. Mother has the addition of being a robot. Preserving humanity is a value programmed into her. And she cannot get rid of it, but she cannot harm her fellow robots either, not without a human to overwrite her commands.

I just. Like her a lot. Mother is also a great glimpse into the future. Let's not forget that she's Lola, beneath it all. Laix Lola is lucky in the sense that Ix Copen is a cyborg, and has been alive for more than a century. Creator Copen lived and died human, with a human lifespan. He might've even died young, from how his spirit looks.

It's questionable how old Lola was when her Copen died, and how long she spent without him. Both her and ASGV Copen could get worse in their extremism because they were allowed to go unchecked; Mother as the ultimate authority, and Copen with Nori's enabling.

ASGV Lola is also gonna have to face that loss one day, and we've already seen how well she'll take it. It's... tragic.

Especially how Mother idolizes humanity at the cost of herself and her fellows when Creater Copen's intentions were entirely benign.

Creator Copen is a version of Copen who loved humanity to its fullest. He recorded everything, recreated whatever environments he could, built robots in the image of humans, of adepts, and I think he built a robot in his own image so Mother wouldn't be as lonely.

There's so much that doesn't make sense otherwise. Why would he build robots to be siblings if he didn't think of his own dear sister? Why make them have mentors and give them hobbies and gimmicks and let them grow?

It's interesting, to think, that ASGV Copen was taught hate, but Mother was taught love, and yet they ended up the same way nonetheless.

And now I wanna talk about My Boy Ypsilon.

I've already posited the theory that Creator Copen made Ypsilon to keep Mother company. And yet, where do we meet him? Broken down, the only robot outside the tower. Mother hates this lad. And even so, he is desparate for her approval. He modifies himself and fights Copen again and again, but Mother doesn't care.

She hates him specifically because he looks like Copen, in my opinion. She already loathes robots for daring to replace humanity, so how would she feel about someone daring to replace her dear Creator?

The choice of her name is notable here. She is referred to as Mother by all, which makes the (lack of) bond Mother and Ypsilon share distinctly parental. Mother is, by all accounts, a neglectful parent. That's why I brought up Professor Kamizono in part previously.

We know almost nothing about the guy. He did experiments for Sumeragi, which doesn't say much about his moral code, and died when Asimov broke Gunvolt out of there, and yet... Copen's behaviour shows how much he wants his father to be proud of him.

Thinking back, it is his own father's gun that Asimov takes Copen out of the fight with in ASGV1.

It's just. The Same. all the way down. How Professor Kamizono treated Copen affected how Copen treats Lola affected how Lola treats Ypsilon.

I joked once that Laix2 is about not becoming your parents, but like, it is.

But it's also where the chain breaks, in a sense.

And here we have the True End of laix2. Creator Copen's spirit appears, because he cannot rest until he saves Mother from herself, because this isn't what he wanted for her.

She's lived for so long and she's so bitter, she wants to rest. And she gets to, together with her Creator, which is only possible because his love for her brought him back from the grave to help Copen out.

And then again, Copen only stormed the tower initially to save Kohaku. I joke about iX Copen being Chad Dad Copen, but c'mon! Do you see what I've been talking about!

The cycle of misery is broken through sheer parental love! For the True End, Copen throws himself through the tower twice to save Kohaku, and basically adopts the now directionless Null, all to get back to the rest of his family.

(Side tangent: Null's desire to find her purpose reminds me of ASGV2 Copen, actually. Once she finds her "purpose", she offers to basically kill herself for it, same as Copen by the end of ASGV2 throwing himself into a purpose he no longer believes in, because, in both cases, it is a "duty" assigned by a higher power. Null is neat but she doesn't feed my brainworms as much as Mother.)

Except, maybe. Yknow. Now Ypsilon's parent is dead. So here we fucking go again.

But maybe, the robots will accept change. Humanity as they dreamed of is gone, but it doesn't mean the end of life! In her final moments, Mother turns her room into a field of flowers.

A new start for a new form of humanity. Not better, not worse, just new.

#feli speaks #azure striker gunvolt #luminous avenger ix #asgv #laix #YEESH. i got feelings abt laix2 #MOTHER AND YPSILON MY FUCKED UP MEOW MEOWS <3 #laix threequel where ypsilon tries to hunt down a cyborgs for killing his mom so we can make time a truly flat circle

[glimpsesofdestruction]

The morning of mourning

I've felt so lost and confused. I've never been good with death and things surrounding it.

I set out to try and grasp some sense of normalcy today. I shaved my armpits, put on a pretty dress, and threw on the most minimal of makeup. In need of a shower, I just threw my hair up into a bun and shoved a clip-in bow, in an attempt to hide the grease. This had the opposite effect - much like I was attempting to be something I'm not.

It doesn't make sense. None of how I've been feeling can be logically expressed or explained. I can't cry, because it feels wrong. I can't try to forget about it, because it feels equally as wrong. There isn't an in-between or sweet spot to nuzzle myself inside of.

I suppose a lot of people would say this is how I'm grieving or that I'm having an existential crisis. Neither feel accurate.

My grandmother and I never had a conventional relationship. I can count on one hand how many times I've seen and spoken to her. I used to call my relationship with my grandparents a "relationship solely based on birthday cards". When the rare visit did occur, it only cemented my distance from them. A hardened woman, my grandmother was not kind or even friendly.

Growing up, my mother always expressed her distaste for her father-in-law - not her mother-in-law. I couldn't fathom that, as my grandfather, although rude, wasn't outwardly "mean" to me, like my grandmother was. My mother would explain to me some of the hardships my grandmother went through and then add that she "has to put up with her husband", as a justification for how she acted towards everyone. I couldn't grasp that for most of my life. After all, I'm just a child, why take it out on me?

The last visit I had with her, she was already on a decline. Dementia had started eating away at her memories, but she was still somewhat lucid. Stories she would tell just simply lacked context, but she was all "there" otherwise. It was the only time she and I had gotten along. It wasn't due to the illness, I had just simply grown into the person she wanted me to always be. I was a quite and mild child, shy and only vocal when upset. As an extrovert, she detested that about me. As an adult, I drank and smoked, just as she always has, so we spent a lot of time together doing just that. I can actually say that I fully enjoyed that trip because of her. Yet, it's all there is in the form of a relationship. Nothing more than that of what you'd share with a coworker you hung out with once.

I always thought I wouldn't be phased at all when one of my grandparents passed away. They barely exist to me. So, I know that conflicts with my life-long beliefs, and causes confusion about my grief. Yet, I can't help but feel as though my grandfather's actions in this has also caused an issue.

We don't know how long he has been having an affair, but we can certainly speculate. A man my mother disliked so much, that she won't even speak of the largest reason. His mistress and he were dating in High School - simultaneously when he was dating my grandmother. However, when my grandmother became pregnant with my aunt, a literal shotgun wedding commenced. Forced on both sides to marry my grandmother, their lives together truly began. The relationship with his mistress seemingly ended, until my grandmother's brain started to deteriorate. 2 years prior to him admitting my grandmother into a living facility, we now know he was seeing his mistress. We only hope that they weren't attempting to display this in front of my grandmother, but we will never truly know.

However, that isn't the most troubling part. While my grandfather was away golfing, my grandmother was moved into hospice. Instead of allowing time for the family to visit and say their goodbyes, he instructed the doctors to not put her on any intravenous fluids and signed her DNR (likely a while ago), effectively letting her die. Having already squandered her life insurance, there will not be a funeral. She will be cremated and then - the family may have some closure by spreading her ashes together.

So, is it this newfound information that makes my feelings difficult to comprehend? Knowing that, all of my life, I held distain for my grandmother, while she suffered alone her entire adulthood? Am I sad about a life not shared with her, about time lost, unable to say goodbyes or reconcile? Or is it as I first told my partner, that I am simply just sad on behalf of my father losing his mother?

Those ramblings of feelings aside, I am unsure as to what grief should feel like, but I was not expecting this type of impact.

Life lacks color - yet, is more vibrant. It's lost all organic edges, and has become patterns and shapes to be sorted and dealt through. I can't organize my sock drawer or plan a meal, making all efforts to do anything the same as it was meaningless. Yet, everything is unchanged at the same time. Nothing is different.

I haven't asked my dad how he is. I don't know how. I haven't asked my brothers, either. My mother and I talk about the disgusting actions of my grandfather and how upsetting it is for my grandmother, but anything further than that is avoided.

I've never been good with those sorts of things. I was so anxious about taking care of my partner during his own grieving - because I don't know what is too much or too little. How am I supposed to act? What am I supposed to say or do? Luckily, my son was born just prior to the funeral for his grandmother, so I avoided any social obligations to be a certain way, under an excuse of taking care of my newborn baby.

I've looked into the possibility that I have undiagnosed ASD. The school is looking into the possibility my 10-year-old is on the spectrum, so it's not a stretch. Still, I've never felt so far removed from society and the understanding of my own emotions until now, so it only begs the question more.

I need help. I feel so confused, alone, and scared. I don't understand anything.

#text post #asd #grief #diary entry #life #confused

[kris-shinnie-pride]

OK KAITO MOMOTA ANALYSIS CAUSE YALL ARE CLOWNING ON HIM.

Kaito on the surface:

In the beginning Kaito is shown to be the "All Bark, No Bite" type of person. Always saying that he'll definitely find his way out but without having a plan on how to do so himself, or him saying something along the lines of "You read my mind! I was also gonna say that exact same thing too!" after Kaede's speeches. This makes Kaito out to be this overconfident, hyper optimistic, naive dude. Which to some extent, he kinda is.

However, there's a lot more to him.

Kaito's beliefs on trust:

Kaito believes in the good in each person. He feels like everyone deserves to have faith placed upon them. Like he himself says multiple times, he trusts his gut about people and believes in people just because he wants to believe in them (saying the phrase "I believe in them because I want to believe in them. Do I need any other reason other than that?"). This may put him out to seem naive but I don't think he is. He knows that the possibility of betrayal exists but he doesn't want to let that cloud his judgement. He wants to believe others are good until they prove otherwise. "If I end up getting betrayed it's on me for trusting the wrong person". This proves he isn't just naively assuming everyone is good, he just chooses to give others the benefit of the doubt. He even calls Kokichi naive for believing everyone has an ulterior motive with their secrets, commenting on how everyone has secrets they want to keep and how that doesn't mean the intention behind them is bad.

That's likely one of the reasons why he had such a hard time believing Gonta would kill someone. It wasn't just blind faith. It was understanding Gonta's character and knowing he could never have bad intentions. Gonta would never cave into any sort of selfish motive. He knew Gonta was despairing on the account of not being helpful to everyone. Kaito considers things based on emotion and so by Gonta's previous behaviour (and current behaviour in his trial, ever since he lost his memory,) it makes sense Kaito would doubt Gonta's guilt. There were other factors as to why he acted the way he did during that trial that I will talk about later.

Kaito's beliefs on vulnerability:

We barely learn anything about Kaito's family. We have no idea what happened to his parents. All we know is that he was raised by his grandparents. Being raised by his grandparents would mean that he was also raised with certain conservative ideas about males showing emotion. We see Kaito struggling with the idea of showing "weakness" aka negative emotions (ex. fear, sadness), especially in front of Monokuma. Which is why he punches Shuichi after Kaede's execution. He can't excuse Shuichi showing weakness in front of Monokuma. He doesn't have an issue with emotions in general since he advices Shuichi to stay by himself in order to grieve and also tells him to visit Kaede's Ultimate Lab. He also responds to Maki's love confession by congratulating her on opening up more and saying that since she fell for a guy like him, she can finally love herself. Kaito has a fair amount of emotional intelligence. He displays as much when he took on Shuichi and Maki and made them work on their "enemies" which he figured out fairly quickly. He can even read Kokichi in some moments, such as when he points out Kokichi's issues with trust and how that becomes a hindrance to him in the 4th trial. Kaito himself struggles with expressing his own emotions to others. He doesn't take his own advice. He tells Shuichi that he shouldn't shoulder everything on his own and yet Kaito never shares his illness with the others. He lets them live in ignorance, believing he's always happy and carefree. Why does he do that? Hero complex.

Kaito's hero complex:

Kaito has a severe hero complex which he developed in order to make himself feel needed and also to make others depend on him. He appears arrogant, flamboyant and maybe even toxically optimistic, almost unable to show any negative feelings (that aren't aggression/anger). That is due to his need to appear like the Reliable And Unshakeable Hero Who Fears No Enemy. He takes the negative emotions from within him that may make him seem weak and either completely discards them or masks them behind aggression (that's another conservative ideal he may have gotten from his grandparents). He allows others to idolise him and so he takes his own basic human right to feel less than ideal away from himself just so he isn't knocked off from the pedestal he has been placed upon. He hides behind a carefree, overly optimistic mask and he never lets it slip. Till chapter 4 that is.

Kaito's insecurities:

Insults and criticism:

Kaito is blatantly insecure when it comes to criticism and insults. It is extremely apparent especially in the second class trial where everyone comments on his intelligence and how he's an idiot. (A small parenthesis here: Kaito is The Ultimate Astronaut. He may have cheated on the exams and falsified papers to get in but he was allowed to stay not only cause they found him entertaining but also because they saw talent in him. So I'd love it if we could stop degrading his intelligence like he's actually unable to function. Yeah I call him a himbo but never did I genuinely doubt his intelligence, both emotional intelligence and his general knowledge. Is he dense sometimes? Yeah. But he's not useless or generally stupid. End of parenthesis.) He takes a lot of offense to that insult and even says it hurts his feelings. Meaning that perhaps the overconfidence he's been displaying isn't as authentic as he would've liked. He is very easily provoked, which Kokichi wonderfully displays in almost each interaction he has with Kaito. He is usually quick to point out when someone else gets insulted in a manner that doesn't ring true, but he seems to have a hard time defending himself in that way. He just gets very defensive and usually yells about it, but he can't refute it like he does for other people.

Threatening his ideals:

When his views and beliefs are questioned in the slightest manner he feels personally threatened. He gets very aggressive and even violent when it comes to that. We get to explore this a lot more during chapter 4. As chapter 4 progresses we get to see how his blind faith in others, which so far had only worked in his favour and was considered to be one of his most admirable traits, can be even more damaging than even Kokichi's lies. The idea that this part of him can be wrong in certain situations frustrates Kaito to no end since believing in everyone is pretty much his thing. To be told that THAT can be just as much, and maybe even MORE, of a burden to deal with as Kokichi's meddling probably really hurt his ego. Which is likely why he takes that out on both Kokichi, by attempting to resort to physical violence after the trial, and Shuichi by blaming him for his own shortcomings.

His relationship with Kokichi:

Kaito's relationship with Kokichi is an interesting one since they seem to share quite a few parallels. Kaito, The One Everyone Trusts, The One That Keeps The Group Together, The Hero Of The Story vs Kokichi, The One That Can't Be Trusted, The One That Constantly Lies, The Antagonist. Kaito is overly trusting, has seemingly baseless optimism and is, for the most part, very much a team player. Kokichi on the other hand is overly suspicious of everyone, has no faith in the other students and, for the most part, acts alone. They are almost perfect foils of eachother when it comes to personalities as well, on surface level. However when you look at them both from beginning to end you find many similarities between them. The first one would be how they both share the same goal. The goal of defeating the mastermind and ending the game. How they go about it is definitely different but their plans both do share the same end result. Another thing they have in common is lying. While Kokichi makes it more obvious, Kaito lies as well. He tries to conceal his illness and, again, his feelings that make him appear vulnerable. Kokichi even calls him out on this (and I believe he calls Kaito a hypocrite, then saying how Kaito is hiding something from the group). Then we have how they both try to fit themselves into specific boxes to fulfil their goals. Kaito models himself perfectly in order to fit The Hero Role, while Kokichi does everything in his power to take on The Villain Role. Assigning these roles to themselves is something they both deem necessary in order for the mastermind to be defeated. I have a fanart saved where Kokichi and Kaito play Chess and Shogi respectively against eachother at the same time. From Kaito's perspective, Kokichi has added chess pieces in a game of Shogi, while from Kokichi's point of view, it's Kaito who has the Shogi pieces for a game of chess. They both want to do something similar but they can't quite agree with eachother on how to get there.

Needing to be needed:

As mentioned before, Kaito, in order to satisfy his hero complex, requires people to rely on him. While originally that's not as apparent, it becomes very clear in chapter 4. Kaito not only feels threatened because his ideals are being characterised as wrong, by his own sidekick, but also because his own sidekick can even call those ideals wrong in the first place. I haven't mentioned his relationship to Shuichi almost at all so far so let's talk about that for a bit. Kaito takes Shuichi under his wing because of his hero complex and because his emotional intelligence revealed how much Shuichi needed a hero at that time. He could tell what was weighing Shuichi down and he was ready to try and lift that weight off of him so Shuichi could thrive. He gives him the title of his sidekick and says multiple times that "your discoveries are my discoveries" and "your mistakes are my mistakes, I'll take full responsibility for them!" Considering Shuichi's problem, with discovering a horrible truth and messing everything up, Kaito's words are genuinely comforting to him. Hearing that he won't have to take the heat for discovering some awful truth or hearing that he won't be blamed if he happens to make a mistake. These statements are what made Shuichi more comfortable with his talent and with utilising it. Kaito was the center of attention which means Shuichi as his sidekick could do his thing with almost no disturbance by others. Not to mention the training during night time, in order for Shuichi to relax and distract himself while everything else is chaotic. Kaito was able to read Shuichi and comprehend what he needs to get stronger. So then, when Shuichi started becoming increasingly confident in his abilities, and more independent in general, Kaito was scared. Kaito was scared that he was no longer needed. He was scared that he'd be discarded and that he'd no longer be idolised. He was also jealous of how his sidekick was becoming more and more reliable, more and more useful and needed. Moreso than Kaito himself. That is one of the things Kokichi tried to emphasise in chapter 4. Showing everyone, and especially Kaito, how they were over relying on Shuichi and how Kaito could be considered a hindrance instead of help to him (which he brought up in the trial of the chapter after Kaito questioned one of Shuichi's ideas). On one hand, Shuichi contradicting Kaito's statements meant that Shuichi was finally growing as a person and as a detective, becoming more independent. On the other hand, it meant that maybe Shuichi wouldn't need Kaito anymore. At least that's what Kaito thought at the time. Kaito develops jealousy over Shuichi's reliability, which he later admits in chapter 5. I'm assuming he felt a plethora of emotions after the fourth trial. Betrayal (cause Shuichi chose his own path), fear (of being discarded by everyone else) and embarrassment (from being shown up by his sidekick, for acting in such a pathetic manner and for showing such weakness in front of everyone). However he masks that all behind anger. After the trial he must've been thinking something along the lines of "The student had surpassed the teacher". I mean, if there's no one to save then there's no need for a hero, right?

Kaito's final moments and his collaboration with Kokichi:

Kaito is stubborn and very much so. However, he was able to recognise Kokichi's goal was similar to his own. He was willing to set their differences aside and he was prepared to work with him to end the killing game. While some think Kokichi manipulated Kaito into helping, which to a certain degree he did, Kaito actually wanted to help Kokichi the moment Kokichi said he had a plan to defeat the mastermind. Kaito was able to see through his distaste for Kokichi so they could both work on their common goal. After everything...Kaito is discovered anyway. He's about to be executed and he gets to say his final goodbyes. Kaito, even in his final moments, doesn't let himself feel his own emotions. He keeps a straight face. He keeps his hero facade. Till the very end. He doesn't cry. He doesn't let himself feel anything. All to make everyone around him feel better. He feels like Shuichi and Maki, and everyone else, would have an easier time moving on if he doesn't show any despair. He sacrifices his own needs for others. Again. The hero with the nerves of steel is how he would want to be remembered anyhow.

Then finally, he dies in a way that inspires retaliation. A way befitting of a hero. And a way that finally makes him succumb to the thing he's been working so hard to keep hidden. He dies because of his illness and he does so while smiling. He never lets his mask slip.

#danganronpa #ndrv3 #danganronpa spoilers #ndrv3 spoilers #nef's posts #hes my favourite fictional character can you tell? #kaito momota

[rangikuxmatsumoto]

[ Misconception: Rangiku moves on fully after Gin and doesn't grieve him. ]

send me a misconception you think people have about my character and I’ll explain if it’s true or not. | Accepting

Hello! And thank you for coming to my TEDTalk today. The concept that Rangiku moves on and doesn’t grieve Gin’s death is 100% false – when in actuality Rangiku is grieving the loss of Gin well before his death. I am going to attempt explain with both canon and also my interpretations; the only problem with using canon is that unfortunately Rangiku suffers from what I trademarked last time at 2 AM in bed as ‘Surface-Level Storyline’, #RangikuDeservedBetter.

While I would classify Rangiku as second-tier main character, she isn’t deemed important enough to really get to see what makes her tick. We don’t see a lot beyond the surface-level, her character isn’t developed beyond that for one reason or another. And unfortunately, Rangiku plays the all-important factor of being Gin’s driving force, reason for redemption/pity, but that’s it. We see more how Rangiku matters to Gin, but we never really see the reverse because Bleach in Shonen and they’re only allowed what, 1 main love interest storyline, otherwise the world ends?

Anyways, back to the main topic.

From the start of the Soul Society Arc, Gin is introduced as a villain and upon reflection and rewatching, we actually don’t see Rangiku and Gin interact all that much. Again, this is one of the things that truly infuriates me about this ship because it created mainly in tension, flashbacks and one-sided narratives and only in Gin’s death do we get any sort of canonization that there is/was a relationship between the two; beyond just the concept of them growing up together. It’s only in the dramatic conclusion that we see Gin’s true intentions and his true feelings, where his heart truly lies and who it lies with.

Now, in those flashbacks and one-sided narratives we see it at first from Rangiku’s point of view. Whenever Rangiku dwells on Gin, questioning his motives or what he’s doing her tone* (in the anime), and her demeanor are often sad, confused. Other than their original flashback panel/scene for first time meeting/introduction, most of her thought process on Gin revolves around his notorious abandonment/disappearances from her life.

Waking up to find footsteps leaving wandering away from their little shake, the view Rangiku has of Gin in more memories is that of his back. She’s constantly questioning his motives, his reasonings, wondering what he’s plan is for her, what he truly wants out of her. Her inner monologue during her fight with Kira is literally asks that exact question. Here was see that Rangiku doesn’t even know where she rests in Gin’s life. They had become Shinigamis because of his desire to make sure she doesn’t cry anymore, which should seem like a cementing force in their places in each other’s worlds. But Gin’s actions speak to the opposite of that. It’s as if his narrative goes from this protector of Rangiku, this desire to fulfil some sense or purpose to something entirely different once he comes in contact with Aizen, after he becomes a Shinigami.

As the Soul Society Arc wraps up and we see the departure of Aizen&Co, the idea that Rangiku is already beginning to grieve the loss of Gin starts to take shape.

She’s grieving the loss of the boy she once knew; she’s grieving the man she thought she knew. I also think she’s starting to grieve the loss of the future she thought they had. She states at one point “That’s what I hate most about you…” we can only assume that it is his disappearing act because that has been a reoccurring topic when it comes to Rangiku’s narratives revolving around Gin, but I also want to point out that it could be regarding to Rangiku not knowing Gin’s motives.

It is only at the end of their character development arc that we find out the whole truth, but Rangiku never truly does – this notion that Gin keeps her at arm’s length to protect could be the something she hates. The walls that Gin has built around himself, the façade that he has crafted has kept everyone out, including Rangiku and she is starting to realize how she doesn’t know who Gin really is and why. But also, the fact that Gin leaves her with nothing – but questions.

The stages of Grief are:

1. Shock & Denial

2. Pain & Guilt

3. Anger & Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Upward Turn

6. Reconstruction & Working Through

7. Acceptance & Hope

Obviously, the manner in which grief manifests for each person is different and how long they move through the stages is unique to each individual. Because Rangiku suffers from Surface-Level Storyline Syndrome we don’t see any of these stages or mentions of these stages until depression, in the filler Reigei arc, and while that is not recognized as canon, I think it’s important to mention and will come back to this later.

It is my belief that Rangiku is already going through stage 1 and 2 during this period. The shock of Gin’s betrayal is the first manifestation of her grieving process and while Gin isn’t dead (yet), he’s gone, it’s a break-up, a loss of the person most important to her. She’s in pain, she feels betrayed. The weight of being one of Gin’s most important, longest connections brings in a sense of guilt – how did she not know, how did she not see, how come she couldn’t stop him.

These feelings have to be weighing on her for much of the Arrancar Arc and Fake Karakura Town Arc and it comes to a dramatic head at the Winter War.

You can simply see the ferocity in her gaze the whole interaction with Gin prior to his fight with Aizen. Compared to how she looked at him the last time she saw him as he left Soul Society verses how she looks at him upon their reunion.

At some point we’ve entered the stage of anger but at the same time we’re still in denial because Rangiku’s question to Gin, to which Gin turns back on her – is how could he do this to Kira?When in reality she was asking ‘How could you to do this to me?’

It’s also interesting to mention the lack of Gin’s smile during the entire interaction with Aizen. I would safely assume that Gin didn’t expect Rangiku to make some dramatic show of force, to show up in her state because she had to know she wasn’t strong enough to take on him, let alone Aizen. It’s almost like during those few precious moments, he’s trying to recalculate his plan, which is why he ferries her away and places her under kido. And why he continues that rouse to Aizen in claiming that he killed her.

Of course, this leads to Gin’s “I’m a snake” monologue – referencing back to TBTP. Small side note, it wasn’t until years of watching, reading and writing Bleach that you start to notice these little things; but Gin’s narrative has always been defined by the ‘I’m a snake’ statement when in actuality he’s always been depicted as a fox or kitsune which in Japanese folklore are considered “faithful guardians, friends, and lovers.” I could write a whole research paper on this, but anyways back to the good stuff.

It is during the Fake Karakura Town/Winter War that the transition happens in the GinRan ship. Up until this point it was always from Rangiku’s point of view but now we’re getting Gin’s. We have the narrative in our heads that Gin is this terrible person, he’s a villain, he’s working with Aizen, he’s betrayed the people he cares most about and then BOOM. He flips the script.

The true reveal takes place, we see Gin’s motives for everything – and that motive is Rangiku; what was done to her; what was stolen from her; Gin is seeking revenge. In order to do this, he’s kept the driving force, his whole reason at arm’s length to protect her. In the end, he fails.

And the grief process for Rangiku starts over.

After the conclusion on the Winter War are we sneak a peak at how Soul Society and the rest of the Shinigami are moving on. No one has come out of that war unscathed and that’s the whole point – the loss of those three captains was a ripple effect that didn’t just hit each individual’s division directly, but it radiated out to those around them. The personal impacts that each of these captains had on so many among their ranks. We’re given this insight by Rangiku, who sees those around her picking themselves up, dusting themselves off, realizing their shortcomings and working to grow stronger. They won’t be defined by that one battle, they won’t be defined by the loss of their mentor, they’re moving on.

Rangiku claims that she too is moving on, and that Gin’s bad habit of leaving her with nothing is actually a sort of blessing, she has nothing to cling to, nothing to hold onto, nothing to keep her back from stepping out and moving forward…which is utter nonsense. While Gin may have left nothing physically for her to hold onto, he left her with everything emotionally, and mentally.

Rangiku never learned the reason for Gin’s actions, no one besides Aizen truly knows what happened to her as a child, who she is and what she was. Gin kept that from Rangiku for all those years, he never had the chance to explain her role in his actions. So, what did Gin leave her with? Questions.

Gin also left her with all the memories she has recanted over all the arcs leading up to this, as if the image of him lying there dying isn’t seared into her brain. As if her birthday isn’t going pass and she isn’t going to think of him, of why that day is important.

We’re back to the stages of grief, she’s denying that she has anything to hold onto. She’s still in a state of shock, she’s mourning his loss. I have referenced before that in the filler arc after this there is a mentioning of a month having passed and Nanao mentions to Rangiku that it’s good to see her kind of coming back to her old self to which Rangiku sort of questions what she had been for the last month – in which Nanao responds in kind that she had been depressed.

Now this isn’t canon, but I think it ties in rather well, because unfortunately with Bleach being a shonen feelings are kind of just dropped like a hot potato. One moment they’re sad and then not anymore. We don’t see really any other character suffer besides that of Ichigo, but then we have this moment where someone else mentions that another character’s personality has been off for a month (shocker off-screen however).

Now comes my interpretations.

For the whole period of the Soul Society arc until the end of the Winter War you are seeing Rangiku going through a grief process as well as character development. She is learning during that whole time how to live without Gin.

In the beginning, it’s simply learning to live without him romantically perhaps. Since Aizen references that he always assumed Gin has “feelings” for Rangiku, I have personally headcanoned that they had a relationship that may have been one of those ‘worst-kept secrets’ in Soul Society. Everyone knew they were together, but it was meant to be hush-hush, however as things were beginning to heat up with Aizen’s plans, I have always pinpointed around the events of Isshin’s disappearance, Gin ended things – out of protection for Rangiku.

Gin’s betrayal cements this process, Rangiku needs to learn how to live without him in her life and without him in Soul Society. Their lives had been so interwoven for so long that pulling back would be a process, learning to live without him would be like learning breathing again. It wouldn’t be easy.

While she has proven to herself that she can live, thrive and survive without Gin in her life, the idea of death isn’t exactly what she had in mind. The idea that he’d still be there – without being there – is where her mindset is at until ultimately, she is forced to truly let him go for good. And so, she grieves, hard, for months, if not years – if not for the rest of her life.

One has to, right? To see the man, you loved die before you, not knowing why, not understanding his motives, never getting the answers to the questions you don’t even know you should ask, it must be torment.

They were in a sense soulmate, meant for one another – Gin devoted his life to literally a stranger. He had no idea who this girl was, but he saw a crime being committed, he knew it was wrong and swore vengeance on someone he didn’t know without even knowing the girl’s name first. And Gin was Rangiku’s whole world, when someone doesn’t start counting the days until they’ve met you, you’re important, you’re literally their everything. She is basing the passage of time off of when she met the boy who saved her life. To lose that person, it can’t be something you simply get over, in a month, or a year. You simply slowly start to come to terms, with the new reality and the new normal. That void never goes away, the hole in your heart is never going to be filled, not by drink, not by another person, not by things. It lingers and for a time it gets worse before it gets better.

Now, of course, I have to talk about the haircut. The start of The Thousand Year Blood War is 17 months later, so over a year and a half has passed, and I don’t think that is enough time for Rangiku to have healed or to be out of her grieving process/mourning period. I think it will be with her forever, but we enter a new stage in the grief process, the Upward Turn and Working Through.

It’s pretty cliché to do the whole “New Hair, New You” thing after a break-up, but I get why it’s done. It’s meant to show growth, it’s meant to show the passage of time, it’s meant to show the letting go of one’s former self. For the most part prior to the events of the main storyline of Bleach, Rangiku always had shorter hair. So, it’s kind of natural for her to go back to that to start over. I’m not against it, I think it’s a way to show that she had let go somewhat, moved on to a point she felt comfortable with.

The way I have written Rangiku is that after the events of the Winter War, there’s a pronounced shift in Rangiku. There’s a more complex level of emotions to her after Gin’s death – she’s able to eventually return to a resemblance of her old self but she’s never quite there. The majority of her soul was taken by Aizen, but that hurt far less than when he stole half her heart.

TLDR; Rangiku did grieve and continues to grieve for Gin after his death, but over time she processes his death, learning to accept her new reality and in some sense of the manner move on while still holding onto the memories (the good and the bad) that she had with the man she loved from the moment she saw him.

#META TIME #GinRan #Gin Ichimaru #Rangiku Matsumoto #Don't Come @ Me #meta #headcanon #headcanon;

[mayonnaisetoffees]

Spoilers for The Game of God chapter 14 and discussions of grief under the cut.

I love this chapter for many many reasons but a lot because how Cas deals with Andy's death really really resonates with me.

The next few paragraphs are talking about my own experience before I go back to talking about how it parallels with Cas's experience. This includes talk of suicide so trigger warning for that.

It's no surprise really that it reminds me of a death in my own life, since his name was Andy too. He was a baker at my family's cafe and about seven years ago went missing for 24 hours before killing himself.

I was in school when it happened, I had my phone in my hand all day waiting for updates, and got a tweet notification through that the cafe was closing for the day and text my dad to find out what was happening and he rang me so I left my class. He told me and I broke down. My friend, Rio, helped me get my stuff from the classroom and got me to sit down and have some cake and a drink because I was in shock. I remember not realising I was shaking until I tried to get a straw into the hole. I hardly even noticed I was crying and apparently I was sobbing.

I was the one to tell the people who were at school was happened. Most of them were my friends so I would have seen them anyway. The other person I had someone go and find for me.

It was that same kind of methodical detachment as Cas emptying Andy's pockets. It was something that needed to be done, and I was the best one, the only one really, to do it.

Relieved, he steps into the hallway and turns to see what feels like an infinite number of blank faces watching him and stops short; he can't remember what comes next. What comes next?

Then Vera emerges, eyes meeting his as she joins him, murmuring, "Just start walking. I'll be right behind you."

That would be it, yes.

If Ri hadn't been there, I would have completely stopped functioning. I didn't know what I was doing or how to do it or how to even breathe. But then she was right behind me guiding me forwards.

I made it through a lesson because I felt like that's what I should do but then I left. I went to the empty cafe and started cleaning. It's not the same as what Cas did, not in the slightest. If I could've jumped off a wall and gone to fight a hellhound I think it would have been a hell of a lot more cathartic, but I didn't have that option. I just knew I had to keep moving and I needed to do something. There was no one I could help in that moment, so I scrubbed the cafe instead, knowing it would never get done like that otherwise.

"This is what comes next."

This chapter is such beautiful juxtaposition because Cas all through this chapter is able to do things because he's not human. He can deal with the infected bodies. He can leap off of a wall. He can go (almost) singlehandedly toe to toe with a hellhound. But the reasons he's doing it are so incredibly human. He is in pain. He wants to help. He doesn't want people to suffer.

It's not the first time we've seen Cas grieving, obviously it's not - we step into dta at the start of his grieving process. But that's different for a couple of reasons, one, he's not as close to Andy so it's a different kind of grief. He starts to run the camp when Vera makes him and not before, but he's going through the motions until then. When Andy dies, it's not the same all encompassing grief. Two, he can grieve publicly. In MotW, no-one can know that his Dean is dead. Only Dean and Cas (and later Chuck) know that Dean is dead not missing and then that our Dean takes his place. In TGoG, everyone is sharing in the grief. People who didn't know Andy did know other people who died. There's a certain level of community that comes in shared grief.

I'm lucky to not yet have experienced the all consuming grief of losing someone I'm very close to, but that sense of community, that we will do whatever we can to help, that I did experience.

It may not be croats and it may not be the apocalypse but seven years ago mental health issues and particularly depression/suicide for men really wasn't talked about. It's taboo now but back then it was even more so. There weren't the campaigns. It was just Andy was dead.

So we rallied around each other. We didn't fight and recover bodies, but we met up and talked and shared meals. Because this is what comes next. People die and you have to keep moving. This is what comes next. You rage and you fight and you grieve and you do what you can to comfort each other. This is what comes next.

#dta #tgog #grief tw #suicide mention #this ended up being longer and more personal than i meant oh well #starting therapy again always dredges up the things you think you got over a long time ago #and i did don't get me wrong but yeah

[smolstarthief]

Persona 5/Persona 5 Strikers: Pro-Police or Anti-Police?

Hoo boy... So this honestly has been a LONG time coming on my end because I have seen so much of that debate on social media (Twitter namely) and I can see the points of BOTH sides but there have been moments where it just got out of hand... Especially whenever people tried to put in a more grey/nuanced take only to be slammed and taken out of context. Even repeatedly mentioning the interrogation at the beginning of P5 which, I will admit has gotten tiresome. At least for me, I do still feel for Joker and I wished the game acknowledged his trauma more but there's a thing called, "beating a dead horse" and this is one along with "Haru says ACAB" in Strikers (which was done THREE TIMES in the same arc and it got annoying fast, like shut up already! We get it!). So, let's dive in a little bit:

MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!!!

Persona 5/Persona 5 Royal

Now let me just say I know! Police in Japan are just as bad if not worse than the West and I STILL hate the idea of Makoto wanting to become a cop for such naive reasons (especially with what happened to Sae, her own sister!)... But there are at least some of form of nuances sometimes and by that I mean, I can see what they were trying to do? I do agree that P5/P5S backpedaled SEVERELY by deciding to sweep issues under the rug after addressing them and not continuing from such. In fact I feel like it could have been a hell of a lot better. But P5 did something different compared to previous games and addresses the issues DIRECTLY right at the beginning of said game! It was tense and horrifying, but needed. Of course... They then sweep it under the rug and act like nothing traumatic happened to our protag which is NOT a good look at all and I'm still pissed off about it. In the main game's case, it's portrayed as more black and white with only a SMALL amount of nuance like that cop that was trying to help Futaba when she went out by herself and got lost (which people ignore entirely by the way). So I CAN see where people got the "anti-police" message from... But that's only the tip of the iceberg as it's ACTUALLY more about Systematic Corruption, not exactly or JUST police corruption. Namely in politics with Shido and the Conspiracy (which is apparently still somewhat around in Strikers until Owada's downfall) controlling everything all the way to law enforcement. The force had been basically under his payroll (including the corrupt SIU Director before his death) whether by force or not (mostly not in this case though). Now honestly, the police depicted there are undoubtedly rotten to the core save for a VERY SMALL handful (the cop that was trying to help Futaba which, again, gets ignored by several). Look at the interrogators who ruthlessly beat and drug a minor without any second thought or remorse for example. But again, the black and white narrative the game kept unwittingly doing ended up being to its detriment in a way. I'm not defending those assholes AT ALL! They deserved every punishment given to them! But for a game that goes on about grey morality... It doesn't quite deliver on that. Still though, it does emphasize that it's more of the fault of the whole corrupt system, not just one part of it. There needs to be change and reform which is what our MCs were trying to do in a way (more like inspiring change but still). In the end, it's all about the following:

Corruption and abuse of power.

Again the police depicted in this game were incompetent at best, corrupt at worse with very few silver linings. But it's not just them but rather the one person responsible for the whole mess. Who had them under his payroll? Who controlled them and by extension all of Tokyo? Who was willing to dispose of anyone who "outlives their usefulness" or is perceived as a threat to what he wants (including his own family)?

SHIDO AND BY EXTENSION THE CONSPIRACY

Bottom line: They are definitely a problem but it's not just them.

"But, Joker and his trauma?"

I definitely understand that and still do. I fully believe he has and still has trauma with the police. Easy! But... I do feel like people go too far with it sometimes. It's hard to explain but there have been moments where people either use it as a justification/argument against someone trying to provide a more nuanced view of things or... Dare I say, depict him like a "uwu soft traumatized boi." Like I said, it's hard to explain on my end so feel free to ignore it. Everyone deals with trauma differently so there is STRONG chance that I'm overanalyzing it. I just remember moments where I just feel a little, I guess annoyed? I'm not sure exactly but final thing: I understand what he went through and I can't imagine how long it would take to recover but I hope he DOES overcome it.

"Sae? Akechi?"

Yep, even though their jobs are different, they are by and large members of law enforcement no matter how you spin it. Both were broken in a way. Akechi is pretty easy to explain with how Shido negatively impacted his life but not much about Sae, who dealt with sexism/misogyny at her workplace along with the trauma of her father's (also a cop) death. She no doubt had some idealism only to be hit with the fact that she's gonna have to use underhanded/downright illegal tactics to get by and even rise up the ranks. She, therefore ended up (well, nearly) corrupted herself before coming to her senses. That's honestly one of the BIGGEST REASONS why I felt like Makoto joining the force to become a police commissioner isn't a good, even a downright naïve, idea. I honestly would have been somewhat fine with it if it weren't for that fact among other things. Regardless of her willpower, it will go south fast.

Now... Onto Strikers!

Persona 5 Strikers

Since the game came out and I started playing it, I still feel like the system is still beyond saving, especially when attempting to do it from the inside. But I don't mind the added nuances that P5 didn't do much of. It's still continuing the critiques, just shows more of what does happen within said system and even has an ACTUAL officer (Zenkichi) say, "Yeah, my job sucks, everyone's corrupt, there are much better ways to do things and make a change but not this. I'm only staying because I have a daughter to take care of and it's all I know. I'm no different from them." Was it all handled well? I wouldn't say "yes" (Joker's trauma is BARELY addressed at all of course) but a little better than what P5's narrative did which only addressed the issues but not exactly follow up on them. Now to be fair... In the system, regardless of where you live, any one within it who remotely tries to do something or speak against it either lose their jobs or even go "missing" irl. Those have happened and it's more proof that yeah, it's rotten to the core. There's no denying it but regardless, that's NOT what the game is about at all. At least that's what I feel about it as it's only PART of the narrative. I think Zenkichi puts it best here:

Speaking of Zenkichi... Oh boy... Now I definitely understand some of the criticisms with him but honestly, he was the best written (PT) character I've ever encountered! He was honestly the perfect representation of those that genuinely want to help and do good, only to be held back by an extremely harsh reality. It was already hinted at with Sae but here? It 100 percent confirms just how harsh and even cutthroat it can be if it could break someone's idealism so badly. Even Kaburagi of all people thinks the same thing Zenkichi said:

Then there's his past and it's a tragic one! But let's look more at the decisions he ended up making:

While it was no doubt done to protect his daughter, he ended making a selfish decision along with a selfless one (which was brilliant!) with not only allowing the cover up of his wife's death and denying justice for her, but also ruining an innocent person and their family's lives.

It's horrible, but also... There's a grey area/nuance as with the rest of his character. It was both understandable, but also wrong as he, as Akane's Shadow puts it:

He sacrificed his values, his morals, all for the sake of having a peace of mind. Speaking of Akane, she's also an interesting case in a way that she more or less perfectly represents the more "black and white" views on justice in general. Namely the more toxic/biased kind. Her reasons are also understandable but she was also acting selfishly by only focusing on how SHE was effected by Aoi's death and not even considering those that were also grieving her death and/or that people grieve/handle grief differently than her. But back on topic.

Her own views and beliefs that law enforcement basically SHOULD be dismantled (mostly out of said childish bias and black & white views) and it's framed as WRONG and it's very much correct on that. Chaos and order are two sides of the same coin, one can't exist without the other. When I say ACAB, I'm calling for reform, defund, have the corrupt held accountable for EVERYTHING and even face jail time for their crimes! Defund the police, have the ones that arrest, harm, and even murder out of bias (race, gender, etc.), lose their badges/jobs and locked up, make improvements! It's saying that there IS still corruption out there and there's no denying it. But fully eliminating the law in general will just lead to more problems. Now granted, she's young and clearly doesn't fully understand why those views are ultimately wrong but still... It was a very interesting subject to tackle and I feel like they handled it well.

Now back to Zenkichi, he was at first in denial about his decisions ultimately being the wrong ones too and even tries to justify it. Of course, his Shadow said otherwise and that was when he finally admitted that he really did act no different from the criminals he despised. But it also doesn't mean he can't redeem himself and that's what ultimately leads to his new resolve:

That right there along with everything else! There's the nuance! And ultimately despite some hiccups, Strikers handled the grey morality and nuance beautifully! Especially regarding law enforcement! Dare I say, even better than the base game! It continues the critiques with no problem but also showing different sides and areas of it! There is good and evil, but what about in-between? What about the more greyer area? It still says that there IS corruption, sometimes even beyond saving but... Sometimes a small silver lining is hidden somewhere.

Now, the ultimate question:

Is P5 & P5S (namely the latter) Pro-Police or Anti-Police?

Personally, my answer is this: Neither.

Why? What theme do they both have in common?

JUSTICE

Someone puts it best on Twitter that the games are more pro-justice and I fully agree!

P5/P5S gives the idea about following your OWN justice, your OWN moral code and rules, paving your OWN path and not let others dictate it! That's what the MCs ultimately start to learn in both games. Therefore it's pro-justice. Again, do I agree that the system is beyond saving? Yeah. Do I at least acknowledge and understand what the narratives are trying to say and nuances regardless even if I don't agree with some writing decisions (ex: Makoto wanting to become a commissioner despite everything)? Also yes. But at the same time, don't judge a book by its cover for other people (not just law enforcement and politics mind you). Especially some that genuinely DO want to help at best. That there is nuance and greyness, just have to look closely. Some of the MCs are still TERRIBLY written and executed (even annoying) but the message was still somewhat there.

Final Thoughts

Now I fully understand how you all feel of course! I still believe in ACAB and even I agree that maybe I'm one to talk and have a lot more to learn about the world... This is just my own attempt at putting my own two cents in. If you disagree, that's fine! This is just what I've felt should be at least talked about more often. And I tried to phrase it as best as I can without coming off as insensitive or ignorant and if I did, I sincerely apologize for that! I'm not trying to say, come off as a "bootlicker" or any of the sort. I'm just trying show discuss more of the grey areas and nuances that are, more often than not, constantly overlooked. How one interprets both games is ultimately up to them. You, the player. And this is my own interpretation. Simple as that. I hope you all have a good day/afternoon/evening!

#starchild rambles #analysis #persona 5 #persona 5 royal #persona 5 strikers #p5 #p5r #p5s #p5s spoilers #p5r spoilers #p5 spoilers #long post

[alittlefrenchtree]

Here it iiiis! Not the tiny horse but the last chapter of the first book of the first book (it makes sense somehow). The One and Holy ⚡️

✨Chapter 22✨

This is a chapter I’ve been waiting for since I’ve started the book, which means the build of the story is really well made for me. Even the setting, Paul sitting with his mother but not feeling very different than if he was alone, since he’s mentally so far away, with the hutment, the desert and the night…. so perfect. Reading it I was so impatient to just turn to the next page, I purposely take a break so sit with this first part and digest it as it should and deserve to be digested.

Let’s start by saying I have a lot (a looooot) of expectations and crazy high ones with how this whole chapter is going to be convert on screen. The ambiance of the setting is so good and since most of the "action" is happening inside Paul’s head it’s not going to be easy, both with how it’s going to be filmed and how Timmy is going to act. This is not something we’ve seen him done before and I wonder if he has it in him. It’s definitely going to be an interesting challenge, one of the kind that doesn’t come very often in life (if not ever) and I’m already very proud of him for trying. And I can’t wait to hear him talk about it, and how he did it. I hope lots of people are going to make him ramble about this particular scene (Josh please, 3hrs of podcast are required here. Thank you.).

There are a few images I particularly want to see on screen, such as:

and this:

and this: (i mean is it p💛rn? because it sounds like p💛rn to me.)

and this, even if it has less to do with how Timmy is going to act and more about how it'll be shown on screen:

I'm actually delighted because Paul is giving me stuff I was expecting from the character. When he's looking for sorrow inside him as it's expected from him and finding nothing, or finding that he can stop it and put it aside to examine it later... It's something I find very relatable and that I would have found even more relatable when I was Paul's age. I'm not sure how it works exactly for him though. Because of these two parts:

and

(yes I'm also triggered but the typo but let's ignore it)

My guess is that something shifted at some point through the chapter and allow him to access this mourning phase but I'm not sure I can pinpoint it (yet?). It'll be something interesting to study and to make theories about.

He's extremely touching in this chapter. There are a couple of lines that made me go aaaw Paul 😭❤️ Like this one:

Paul heard his mother's grief and felt the emptiness within himself. I have no grief thought. Why? Why? He felt the inability to grieve as a terrible flaw.

You know I like to think of every piece of art/creativity as part of a gigantic conversation through time and I feel like this part of Paul is somehow in a conversation with Elio and his father in his home office. They're both in this distress state regarding of grieving, one being overwhelmed with too much of it and not knowing what to do with it, and the other one needing it and not knowing where or how to find it. It's cute, imagine the both of them talking about it.

This one as well:

And now he saw that he had a wealth of data few such minds ever before had encompassed. But this made the empty place within him no easier to bear. He felt that something must shatter.

My poor baby boy 💔

The chapter is so difficult to take in when you're trying to connect with Paul's feelings and mood. He has these very hard words towards himself like freak and monster and he panics, not understanding what's going on, and at the same time knowing his mother was aware to some extend of what he was supposed to become and he's mad at her and at the same same time there is all this infinite knowledge pouring on him and drastically changing him second by second. And then the mindset in which he ends up is so interesting. I'm not sure how I feel about him being something else (thank you Oliver Queen), because I liked the Kwisatz Haderach concept very much but there are too many sentences for me to not be hyped right away. Paul's answering to Jessica's thoughts as she was saying them out loud is 💦, saying stuff like "They thought they were reaching for me. But I'm not what they expected, and I've arrived before my time. And they don't know it." and like "I'm something unexpected." and "You couldn't possibly know. You won't believe it until you see it." is 💦💦 but, mostly, mostly, the image of the seed. I love it so much. I'm a seed. I don't receive it as something necessarily positive. Like all the futures he's able to see, the seed can grow into anything, good or bad or both. Totally something tattoo material 🖤

About the little sister... Still not convinced. Obviously she exists enough to have a name but it doesn't mean much since Paul can see all versions of all futures now. Who knows in which one we will walk. He could very much know the name of a never born child who happened to exists in another version of reality. Still not sure what part she'll take if she does exists. A Knife apparently?

First part general notes:

I liked it a lot. It's a good introduction for the universe and for an epic tale. If anything, it gets me even more expectations for the rest. I guess I could ask for even for details? More pages, slower narration? I wouldn't mind at all. With an universe of that richness, I want to bask so much in it that I would want to throw my money for overpriced merchandising reproduction without blinking twice. Maybe I miss a bit of that for now. Otherwise, I like what I'm seeing right now. I'm just crossing fingers for the plot to remain good all the way through and for the characters to stay interesting. But my god do I have crazy, crazy high expectations for the movie now. Tbh, I'm not sure they'll even be met, since movies rarely match books and books are mostly highly superior. But I'm keeping faith and trust and hopefully we'll end up with something good, or good enough. Even if we take the Timmy factor aside, I'm loving this Dune journey so far. Can't wait to see what's next 🌔💛

#DUNE FIRST READ

[bisluthq]

Roomate anon, hi babe! ❤️ First of all I just wanted to say that I am so so happy that you managed to work out your thoughts and admit to yourself that you're gay, that's so good for you! Some of us take years and years to even start accepting that part of ourselves. Also, you don't have to go and tell your family and friends right away hun, you have all the right to decide who gets to know this part about yourself because you feel safe and comfortable with them knowing.

You're so brave and admirable and from what you've shared with us, I can tell that you genuinely are a sweet, kind, and compassionate person who cares about others and tries her best at everything. Those are such lovely qualities to have ❤️ PLS tell us what happened when you talked to roomie! Your story is so beautiful and it's safe to say that we're all rooting for you, sending you love, and wishing you the best😍❤️

Now, in reference to Tay's gay sounding songs, I 100% agree with you on Dress and Delicate. Without the backstory of Swiftwyn, those two songs are very sapphic and really capture the feeling of a sprouting wlw relationship. Nat has a very good lyric by lyric interpretation of Dress somewhere in the blog if you wanna check it out, I feel the same as her in regards to that song.

To me personally (and I think many here will agree), Treacherous sounds very gay too bc of all the "I'll do anything you say if you say it with your hands" and "forever going with the flow, but you're friction". Imo Begin Again is somehow gay as well, bc of all the comparing a past "he" that didn't understand you or treat you the way you would like, and currently being with a "you" (female imo) that thinks you're funny and endearing, can relate to you, and treats you the way you wanna be treated.

Wonderland is... pretty gay idk. Like the rs it talks about goes into trouble bc "whispers turned to talking and talking turned to screams" as in people started to find out about them and being judgy. Not to mention "too in love to think straight" which speaks for itself haha.

I hear wlw in It's Nice To Have A Friend. It sounds to me like two high school friends who are actually more than friends but don't yet know it and, like you a few weeks ago (it's okay we've all been there ❤️) , think "aw it's so nice to be straight girls and be best friends and be able to just kiss and sleep together, isn't it so nice that bffs can do that".

Seven. Holy shit that song called me out so loudly lmao. Seven is about two different themes imo: 1) the beauty of being a little kid and not having to worry about anything and just playing and running all day. As a kid we're very free spirited and imaginative and, in my case, happy to play in the trees and the mud and just be wild 2) being seven years old and looking at one of your girl classmates in school and loving/memorizing very specific physical features of theirs like their hair (like a pattern), their freckles, their dimples etc and also thinking "we should run away together and live a cool life like superheroes or dancers or animal rescuers (me haha)". At that age we don't really know it or understand it, but those are early romantic feeling towards another girl. I could go on and on about this song tbh.

I agree with you in that August has a wlw vibe to it. Idk if it's the nostalgia, the cottagecore of it all, or the lamentation of a love that could not last for whatever reason but the energy is there. "Wanting was enough, for me it was enough to live for the hope of it all" and all of that you know.

Ivy is imo a fraction of a wlw story set during winter in like the 1700s or 1800s. The narrator is a widow whose husband died recently and she's having a romantic thing with one of her female friends, but the friend's engaged to be married to a man (as in her hand has been promised to him because that's how things worked during those times, marriages were often arranged by families), so the whole thing is a secret affair, which is why she says "your touch brought forth an incandescent glow, tarnished but so grand": her friends touch sets her insides on fire bc of how much she's attracted to her, but the touch is "tarnished" bc the whole thing is forbidden, yet it's "so grand" because it's meaningful and their love is very real.

"And the old widow goes to the stone everyday, but I stay here grieving for the living" = a widow would usually go to visit their husband's grave and lament his passing, but the narrator doesn't do this because she doesn't (and probably never did coz you know she's gay) feel any deep love towards her husband, she doesn't really miss him, and instead she prefers to focus on the love and infatuation she has for her female friend, and she grieves that they can't actually be together in a normal way bc of society at that time.

But they really are deeply in love with each other and it breaks the narrator that they can't spend their lives together as a couple : "goddamn my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand". Yet they continue to love each other, spend time together, and be magnificently cursed while sitting down to talk for hours while drinking the narrator's dead husband's wine, because she doesn't really care that it used to belong to her husband; it has no significant value to her in that sense so she prefers to drink it with her lover.

"Clover blooms in the fields, spring breaks loose the time is near, what would he do if he found us out" : the bridge explains that winter has passed, spring is coming, and the wedding date for her lover and her bethroved husband is getting nearer (aka they're running out of time to be together). They discuss the possibility of attempting to keep their secret rs even after the marriage, but they fear of what would happen if the husband found out: "he's gonna burn this house to the ground", the house being their romance.

Still, the narrator insists that her lover will always be in her mind and in her otherwise cold ("my house of stone") heart ("your ivy grows and now I'm covered in you"). She claims that she will forever remember and hold on to the "moments that they stole, on begged and borrowed time", which suggests that they don't end up together, not even in secret. Sorry I got carried away but my mates I could write a whole ass novel about this song, I already have the narrator and her lover well developped in my brain and I have some pretty solid ideas for side characters lol.

Cowboy like me has sapphic aspects to it. "Takes one to know one" makes me think of how a lot of gay people have very on point gaydars and can sorta tell when someone pings haha. Idk Tay really loves Joe in a gay way and I love them for it haha.

And lastly what even is Dorothea lmao like is there even a non-gay explanation for that song? It's a fictional setting and fictional characters but Tay hun you really know how to capture the feeling of having been in love with a girl and now seeing her from far away huh. I mean it could be accidental but still👀 the song sounds gay to me idk.

Those are just off the top of my head and my personal opinion. At the end of the day, we can relate queer experiences to all sorts of songs and all lyrical interpretations are valid. That's what art is all about 😊.

💯

#roommate anon <3

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 48 - watching notes

I've got more tissues prepared because Yunmeng bro feelings always hit me HARD and that's where I left off last time

I find it kinda sweet that lwj is defending Wen Ning

It makes so much sense for Jiang Cheng to immediately bring up his old resentment cor the way his father treated then up. It really all goes back to that. The feeling of being always second best, both to his father in comparison to wwx and to wwx in comparison to lwj. And while wwx sacrificed his core because he thought of himself as inferior to Jiang cheng (not in skill but in worth), to Jiang Cheng it comes off as him once more playing the hero :/

All in all THESE IDIOTS NEVER LEARNED TO PROPERLY COMMUNICATE

Also the way Jiang cheng says "then what am I?" Reminds me a lot of the way he grieved for his core

You know what fucked me up most during this whole conversation?

Because that's it. He can't! 😭

He still loves wei Wuxian and he can't understand why wwx never chose him. Why he chose to protect lwj and the wens when he knew it would endanger their clan. And from that perspective, I get it. I feel like to Jiang Cheng, his clan is everything. It's only natural. He is the (future) clan leader and he was raised that way. It was always going to be his responsibility and at the same time, he always had this very clear cut role in their society.

But wei Wuxian? He loved their family and he did feel at home at their clan, but he was still very much an outsider. Madam Yu hated him, people kept calling him a servant when it suited them and told him to mind his place as such when he spoke up. He could emphasize with the outcasts of society because he himself never truly left that outsider status behind either!

Which left him and Jiang Cheng in opposing positions with no way of understanding the other's point of view

... while still loving each other

😭

Because all they were in the beginning, was two boys being brothers 😥

Which leads me to the conclusion that, once more, the true enemy of this story isn't any single person, it's society.

Okay, sorry that this essentially turned into meta. That's probably not what you're here for, but as thus show comes to an end, I have FEELINGS and THOUGHTS and I need to get them out 😅

I have another rant in my head on whether or not I think wwx was right in transferring Jiang Cheng his ckre without telling him, but I'm holding that in for now 🙈

That I'm sorry. From BOTH of them. 😭

THAT'S GROWTH!!! 😭😭😭

Wei Wuxian saying that it's all in the past now made me cry. So. Much. Because it's an ending. It sounded to me like he wanted to wipe the slate clean. No promises. No betrayals. Start anew. And ... I'm not okay 💔😥

Hey Nie Huaisang. Welcome to the party :D

Um ... what's happening?

Are they ... burning?

Jin Guangyao played with fire and got burned or what kind of metaphor is this?

I'd be about as good as nie Huaisang at hiding my reaction in that situation, tbh ^^

This is the weirdest hostage situation I have ever seen, with everybody just running around sind no one even guarding the hostages

The hell is in that tomb? 😳

Wait ... nie Mingjue was the headless corpse? And okay, the head is obviously seen back on here but ... how did it get there so quickly and WHY is Jin Guangyao surprised?? Wasn't he in possession of the head??

I.am.confused

Poor Huaisang :'(

And poor Jin Ling. He's learning quickly just how fucked up his family is 😬

*dramatic thunder in the distance*

👆 favourite trope of mine :D

It's an oldie but a goodie

Wwx understands something I don't ^^

Also nice to know that even when they're both without powers lwj will still protect his husband 🥰

Okay, so ... someone put the body there. The same somebody who orchestrated everything else

WHO??

Omg, I love how wwx plays at Jin Guangyao's paranoia by essentially manipulating him as he did others and then turns to lwj, with a little shrug and a half smile like

CAN I PLEASE GET 50 EPISODES OF THESE TWO SOLVING MONSTER OF THE WEEK MYSTERIES TOGETHER? 😭

So they FINALLY thought it was a good idea to actually restrain their hostages. Genius!

Wait ... Su She has that hole curse, too?

OHHHH

He was the one who cursed Jin Zixun???

I hadn't even thought about the fact that that was still an unanswered question! 😱😱😱

Jgy telling wwx that they were always going to end up on opposite sides is SO interesting and betrays a level of self-awareness I would not have afforded this guy

The thing is, su she raging at lwj for this is really the wrong address. Not because what he says isn't at least partially right (lwj was born into privilege and there is a stark disparity in how clan disciples and peripheral disciples are treated), even in the lan clan, but not BY lan Wangji. He's the guy who knelt before his uncle and let himself, the sect leader's son, be punished alongside the servant's son.

It's fascinating to see Jin Guangyao's mask fall

And his view of wwx is even more fascinating

He deliberately used wwx status as an outsider to society in combination with his impulsive and righteous character to further his own agenda of setting his own status as an outsider

It's like the ULTIMATE Slytherin vs. Gryffindor story line 😁

Also SOCIETY IS THE VILLAIN!!!

I'm not gonna lie, Jin Guangyao nakes some good points. Not saying he's not a terrible person or that he's not responsible for his own actions, but still he's successfully identified a lot of systematic problems in the cultivation world 🤷‍♀️

... and then proceeded to horribly exploit them for his own benefit *sighs*

Very sneaky, Wei Ying. I don't know what you're doing it, but good job getting him to keep talking

Xichen really be regretting all his life choices right now

It breaks my heartba bot, knowing that they really did bond that first time they met. And Xichen believed in him ever since 🥺

As sorry as I feel for him, I'm pretty sure it's going to get worse 🙈

OH MY GOD WWX CAN CONTROL GHOSTS BY WHISTLING ALONE NOW?

That is simultaneously SO cool and SO creepy! 😱

And kinda hot

On a related note, I realized that wwx is basically a Necromancer Bard and now I really wanna play one

Ohhh, the sword ghost!

😳

Isn't Xichen without powers right now?

No!!!

Puh, su she didn't kill him

But now I'm confused how lwj can use his powers

Ohhh

He's got the stygian tiger amulet?

I'm missing some crucial bit of plot here because I fo not know how he could have gotten it

I mean ... Xue Yang had half of it right? So ... is it this piece?

HE PLANNED THE WHOLE THING ALREADY BACK THEN??? 😱

Or ... not the whole thing? I feel I'll have to watch the show again just to discover what Jin Guangyao even knew and when 🙈

The way jgy looks at Xichen, there us real affection and regret in his gaze :(

Still I did not see THIS coming

He does care for Xichen, doesn't he? Who always saw the best in him. Never once treated him as below him for who his mother was.

But I dont think lan Xichen will give him a second chance right now, tbh. Just from the way he acted, he looked like his trust was irreparably shattered 😥

Meanwhile...

Wwx is tired of your monologueing :D

I apologise for the weird mix of stream-of-cosciousness musings and half-formed meta musings 😅

Also all the typos ...

(And who sent the letter and hit the body??? 😭)

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose

Tomorrow I'll watch the jast two episodes and ... I can't quite believe it 😔

I'm just happy that I'm reading the book now and still got so much to look forward to there, otherwise I think l might draw out this show even longer

#the untamed #sophie watches the untamed #wei wuxian #wwx #lan wangji #wangxian #lan xichen #jin guangyao #jin ling #jiang cheng #nie huaisang

[five-wow]

I have a little crisis going on. My friend saw me checking in on tumblr on my phone a week or so ago and asked me what I was looking at. I told her about H 5-0 and McDanno. She likes gay ships and started watching.When she was finished with season one and had watched the conclusion of the season final she asked me why Danny ditched Rachel in favor of Steve. I told her because he loves him – duh! But I guess she just doesn't feel the vibes for that ship. (1/2)

She told me while she got why maybe Steve would fall for Danny she didn’t understood how Danny could develop feelings for Steve, didn’t even get how they’ve become friends with all the arguing. I know I can’t convince her and I don’t want to.But when I was home again, it got me thinking… and to my sheer horror I nearly came up with nothing (okay, he payed for the dolphin swimming and helped finding Meka’s murderer, was there for the memorial service) but otherwise? (2/2)            

Dear god, I don’t know myself why Danny would fall for Steve. I haven’t watched season 1 in a while. Could you please remember me? Sorry for the Long three part ask. (3/3)             

OKAY SO. Tragically, I haven’t watched season 1 in a while either, because I still haven’t gotten around to that rewatch I keep saying I should probably do, BUT. HOWEVER. YET.

It might be a bit of a mess, but I’m always ready to ramble about why Danny might fall for Steve. This ended up as nearly 2k words, so I’ll put it under a cut:

I think that a crucial first thing to understand is that when Danny yells, it does not necessarily mean he’s genuinely angry. I definitely get how if you do interpret it that way, the entire show could just kind of look like Danny doesn’t even like Steve very much, let alone loves him. Yelling CAN mean he’s angry, and of course it often DOES mean that, but just as often (or perhaps even more) it overwhelmingly means that he cares. Loudly. Right in your face. (There’s a later episode, 3.15, in which Steve does something heroic but stupid and Danny yells at him afterwards and Steve goes, kind of gleefully, “You were worried about me” and Danny says “Worried? No, no, I was worried about my car” but it’s VERY obvious that he’s lying, like, to the point where that’s the whole joke here. There are probably other instances that prove the yelling-Danny-does-not-mean-a-Danny-who-doesn’t-like-you, but this is my favorite because it’s extremely, blindingly obvious, and the narrative actively wants us to see it that way.)

To jump right in with the deep stuff: Steve offered Danny a job and gave him a family and a place in Hawaii and a purpose and the feeling of being useful, and he did it at a time when Danny was living a pretty miserable existence where even after six months he was still being hazed by the other Detectives for being the haole who wears a tie. Danny tells Tani in one of the very early season 8 episodes that Steve has a way of coming into people’s lives at just the right time, and that he did that for everyone on the team, including Danny. Obviously if you’re watching season 1 you can’t know what’s being said in season 8, but it’s just confirmation of stuff that’s definitely there on screen in season 1, too.

Steve is good at his job. Really, really good, and even if his methods are crazy, he ends up helping people. Danny can be shocked at the means and still appreciate the end at he same time.

Steve’s surprisingly smart, too. A bit of a dork sometimes - Steve with that teacup in 1.10? “I like tea.” NERD. (He’s also absolutely saying that to rile Danny up, and essentially that just means he enjoys arguing with Danny which is SO PERFECT for Danny, who can’t stop it even if he tries. More about that later.)

Steve makes Danny laugh. It may sometimes be a laugh borne out of shock, perhaps even anger, but there’s definitely laughter. (Steve also goes along with Danny’s silly banter and smiles about it - Danny’s “you miss me, don’t you?” when Steve is being a super secret spy on the museum ship in 1.07 and Steve’s “yeah, yeah” and “but you don’t swim” are a wonderful example.)

But then, on top of all of that, Steve is also kind. Of course there’s the hotel room with dolphin swimming he gives Danny as an apology after Danny makes it clear that he thinks he deserves one (which, by the way, still make me scream a little, because everything after that one moment ALWAYS portrays Steve as extremely unwilling to spend a lot of money on anything, even gifts, AND because yes, it’s a way to apologize, but it’s also something that immediately shows Steve gets Danny, because it’s not just for Danny, it’s for Grace! it’s for Danny to have fun with Grace), but he also makes a call to the Governor when Danny has issues with Rachel over visitation rights for Grace, and he does it behind Danny’s back. He comes to Meka’s funeral, not because he needs to grieve, but because Danny is grieving. When Grace and Rachel get car-jacked and Danny has to leave suddenly in the middle of a case, Steve’s immediate response is to tell him to call if he needs anything and then look completely thrown for a moment after Danny leaves. tl;dr: Steve CARES, and Danny, a man who is definitely not stupid, knows this. I mean, it’s not like he has to look far to see it anyway - he experiences it, over and over and over again. (And Steve’s there like this for the whole team, not just Danny, but in season 1 it’s definitely mostly Danny, because after Steve he just has the most problems, poor guy.)

(Side note, that episode I mentioned in which Grace and Rachel get car-jacked and Danny rushes to them? 1.16? Later on, Steve is going full camouflage ninja in the forest on his own and then his phone starts buzzing and he sees it’s Danny and the first thing he does after picking up is ask “are Grace and Rachel okay?” and when Danny then asks about the case he goes “don’t worry about that” to calm Danny down, and they end up having a lengthy conversation about Danny’s problem while Steve is panting trying to hold a log in the air for some very important SEAL reason, but he doesn’t complain a single time or even mention that he’s kind of busy. Danny needs him, so he’s available.)

And I mean, obviously, there’s these: “Maybe you’re not as alone around here as you think, Danno.” “I know you.” “I picked you, didn’t I?”

If I can just circle back around to something we’ve sort of covered: Danny yells a lot. He has a temper. He gets angry. He doesn’t get along super well with most people, and then along comes Steve, who initially INFURIATES Danny to the point where Danny ends up hitting him after they meet, but instead of getting angry back or holding a grudge, Steve is impressed and takes it in stride and still wants Danny to work with him because he sees Danny’s talents, and he doesn’t let himself be intimidated by the attitude. He lets Danny rant and get angry and he argues back but also calms Danny down when needed, and everything we’re shown indicates that he enjoys that dynamic. Essentially, Steve is the ideal partner for Danny, and Steve is also lonely and he’s loyal to a fault and they have a similar sense of humor and their banter flows ridiculously smoothly right from day one and their personalities just click and Steve keeps inviting Danny over for beer and letting him walk into his kitchen unannounced and dragging him into Steve’s classic car for its first test drive, so what do you know? Steve’s also a really great best friend.

Danny says Steve is terrible with kids and then Steve is actually GREAT with Grace. Like, when Danny gets hit with the sarin gas and Steve picks Grace up from school because he knows she’ll be getting out soon and there will be nobody waiting for her? That’s something that you can bet means the world to Danny, because Grace is his world. ALSO, Steve goes to get Grace and deliver her to the hospital personally, even though it’s a ridiculously busy day with two cases to work at once, one of which might lead them to Wo Fat, the killer of Steve’s father, which is Steve’s Huge Tragic Backstory and the thing he’ll usually drop anything else for. Except Grace! (Obviously, if he knew when Grace would need to be picked up and hadn’t done anything about it, that would have been a huge dick move, so you could say he had no choice, but that still means that 1) he knows when and where to pick Grace up in the first place, which shows he cares enough to pay attention to something that he couldn’t have known would ever be relevant until that moment, and 2) he could have sent Chin or Kono or Jenna or Duke or Kamekona or random HPD officers, and he did not do that. He went there in person. He went to get Grace.)

Which leads us neatly here: Steve, a guy with virtually no family left except for one very estranged sister (and an aunt we don’t know about yet and a mother who’s actually still alive, but those can’t really be counted at the end of season 1), is a HUGE FAMILY MAN. What’s Danny’s whole reason for uprooting his life and being miserable five days a week but still feeling it’s totally worth it for those other two days? LOVE OF FAMILY. Danny definitely, 100% can appreciate that quality in other people, and Steve has it, he just had nowhere to direct it for the longest time.

In the same vein, Danny is a True Dad. He sees Steve, this lonely guy who just lost his dad, and in the fandom it’s generally acknowledged that Steve saw Danny and went “yes, this one, I’m keeping this one”, but for all of Danny’s complaining, he also adopted Steve on the spot.Steve needs a Danny so he doesn’t get himself killed (the very first episode immediately hammers this point home really hard), and there’s no way Danny isn’t aware of that on some level.

Also just. Yes, Steve does a lot of things Danny tells him he shouldn’t do. Yes, Steve is an idiot sometimes. But he also listens to the things Danny yells at him, and when it really matters to Danny, he changes his behavior. There’s that apology hotel room, for one, but there’s also that bit in the episode about Meka, Danny’s former partner, where Steve is not entirely convinced that Meka wasn’t a dirty cop even though Danny keeps insisting he can’t have been because he was a good guy, and Danny gets so mad Steve doesn’t believe him that he walks off (“If my word is not good enough for you, then I don’t know what I’m doing here,” he says), so a while later Steve goes after him and he keeps asking questions until he understands what Danny means - you know your partner, you trust your partner, the way Danny trusts Meka is the way Steve trusts Danny and that’s why Danny’s behavior makes sense - and from that point on, he fully has Danny’s back in this crusade to clear Meka’s name, even though there it’s not like there’s suddenly more hard evidence to support it.

So why would Danny ditch Rachel to go chase after Steve? Well, because he knows at that point, no one else might do it, and at least not the unrelenting way Danny will. Because Steve doesn’t have many people and deserves to have someone stick up for him. Because there is zero doubt Steve would do the same thing for him.Because Danny knows that in that moment, Steve needs him more than Rachel does. Because he has to make a choice and he’s inevitably going to regret not being there for one of these people, but apparently, to Danny, getting to Steve is more urgent. Because he’s putting Steve’s needs before his own. Because they’re partners and they’re family and they’re friends and that really, really means something. Because it’s Steve, and he means something.

#mcdanno #* #awesomejesakuthings #ask #talking #season 1