#it rly depends on how much i’m hanging out w my friends

[reversecreek]

snickers feverishly at myself for bringing in a 5th... who do i think i am? unstoppable? invincible? suddenly ripples my titanium plated pecs. maybe so. u can find her pinterest here n her playlist here. 

* margaret qualley, cis female + she/her  | you know bradley milligan, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of their life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to looking for knives by dyan like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole snow angels trampled through by your father’s footprints, casually reading a newspaper that’s catching flame & stubbing a cigarette against the wing mirror of a parked cop car thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is november 11th, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt she/her  )

HISTORY:

bradley has this memory of meeting her grandmother for the first time n everything in the room was frozen still. even the air. she didn’t feel like she cld move n she got the impression this is how it’d always been in the milligan lineage. the only thing that was allowed to act of it’s own accord was her grandmother’s eyes as she tracked every slightest flinch of muscle. when her father left the room her grandmother reached out and took bradley’s hand n bradley looked at this like it was smthn she’d never seen before until her grandmother leaned close and all she could stare at was a nicotine stain on one of her front teeth. “he’s cold, isn’t he? he’s always been cold. i don’t think he’s mine.” bradley could tell from how tight she held her hand that he was. she could tell by the way she smiled as she said it, too. the way she felt obliged to smile back.

growing up in a huge white house in aquila drive w pruned hedges sounds idyllic n looks it too. swanky cars w tinted windows in the long driveway. always men filing in and out under the cloak of night wearing expensive suits n smiles worthy of a politician’s billboard. bradley’s mum alyssa thought so too n that’s hw she got into this whole mess tbh. tony milligan is very good at advertising. he cld package a jarred human heart as strawberry jam and convince u to spread it on ur toast if he wanted to. he could make u smile politely as u ate ur own. 

alyssa ws this very pretty blonde kind of mysterious presence in a room. everyone wanted to kno her story or fk her but noone rly treated her like a person more just like a puzzle to solve. john green syndrome alert..... literally manic pixie dream girled bt on turbo charge. there were vague whispers she’d run away from home when she appeared in town out of nowhere bt nothing concrete. tony decided he wanted to crack the case n once he set his mind to something there was no changing it. they wound up embroiled in a whirlwind romance. head over heels. he came at romance hard and fast as a freight train. alyssa knew he was into shady things but not quite the full extent of it n honestly she didn’t care bc she wanted security n a family to call her own n tony promised that. they were married within a year. 

tony came frm money bt he wanted to carve his own path n make his own legacy. destined fr greatness he’d tell her. we’re destined for greatness. it sounds nice doesn’t it! alyssa thought so too.

(drugs mention tw) slowly over the yrs he essentially forged his own crime organisation tht only grew. he opened a strip club down the seedier side of irving called ‘no angels’ n this became the front thru which his gang ran drugs in the back (predominantly coke n they pride themselves fr having a Superior Blend apparently) as well as laundering cash n this also was kind of their home base to hang

(abuse tw) their marriage increasingly lost it’s shine n alyssa came to realise she’d been sold a lie n she didn’t rly know this person or what he was capable of right around the time bradley was born. by then it was kind of like Wow i am rly in this n there is not an exit door huh. i won’t go into details bt things were not good at all. bradley witnessed n experienced a lot of things she shouldn’t have growing up. she didn’t understand why other kids drew home in all these different coloured crayons like they were bright places to be. she didn’t understand why everyone got so excited when the bell rang at the end of the day bc she just felt sick. she rationalised tht this was normal when she was younger bc sometimes kids talked abt the monsters under their beds giving them nightmares n she thought mayb they were talking abt their dads too. as she got older she realised tht actually her world wasn’t the same as anyone else’s n she also realised no-one wld ever be able to tell her why. she started becoming friends with the angry feeling in her chest tht she used to try and swallow around this time. often she’d wander the mall for a while to put off going home. smoke on random park benches. watch trains rattle thru town from the vantage point of a random rooftop. 

(abuse, missing person implied, murder implied & grief tw) when bradley was 12 she woke up and all of her mum’s clothes were gone frm their drawers. no shoes anywhere. a framed photo of them at the beach holding bradley as a baby vanished from over the mantelpiece. when bradley asked her dad what was going on, tony essentially said “it was exhausting her. being here. being your mother. she didn’t want to do it any more, so now she’s gone” n then he hugged her. little details leaked into the mix over the yrs. at one point tony dismissed her as having flown overseas to a foreign country to drink in the sun like she’d always wanted even tho alyssa always told bradley she liked the snow best (once she even walked outside as it fell in a thin lace nightgown when tony was out n when bradley said “mom you’re gonna get cold” she only tugged her down and made her do snow angels until her lips looked blue). the most significant memory bradley can never shake from her head is her mother cupping a yellow tulip at the park n saying she hated them. when bradley asked why she only turned and smiled at her as she stroked the hair from her face n then said “because they look so happy”. after bradley’s mum vanished a long flower bed at the bottom of the garden was suddenly overrun with dozens of freshly planted yellow tulips. whenever bradley looked at them out of her window she got this sickly feeling in the pit of her stomach like she was visiting a cemetery. she suspected what had happened to her mum (especially as rumours circulated within tony’s organisation abt alyssa being unfaithful with someone tht used to work fr him) bt she cld never bring herself to truly accept it. thus she ws stuck in this strange purgatory state of not-quite-anger at her mum for “leaving” and not-quite-grief.

bradley rly started to transgress in school after her mum was gone. alyssa was always kind of a character when she’d pick bradley up (wasn’t doing well n acted kind of ‘eccentric’ i suppose u cld say) so tony managed to spin it all as a child acting out in the wake of an unfit mother uprooting n abandoning. bradley became........ interesting. JKHGFSSKJGHFSGHSKFGHFG. she’d snap n resort to violence very easily. very desensitised to it. students were kind of scared of her tbh. as this progressed into proper high school she got in w the more rowdy popular crowd solely bc she was so fking.... wild for lack of a better word. rly would just do anything fr the thrill. had no sense of ‘i shouldn’t do this bc it’s dangerous’. partied harder than anyone. bit back harder than anyone. no filter. hung w a lot of guys honestly bc they had less morals n either found her scariness cool or wanted to fk <3

(hospitalisation, depression & drugs tw) she’s had. a few stints in psychiatric institutions fr various reasons tbh. missed a small chunk of her senior yr fr this but it wasn’t widely known just kind of rumoured. she showcases a lot of similar symptoms to her mum who struggled w severe depression (which was difficult to cope w when ur husband was often pouring ur prescription down the drain fr kicks) n in order to compensate fr the lows she takes a lot of things to kick them into highs. drinks n snorts too much. bradley i love u bt i’m begging u to seek healthier coping mechanisms......

as the yrs went on (especially once alyssa had gone) tony rly started trying to integrate bradley into the business side of things...... she literally. is named bradley bc he was expecting a boy n he was like well let’s still call her bradley. n had in mind she’d still fulfil the role he wanted her to of being his little protege so to speak.... both sexist n ugly all in one fell swoop...... an example of this is he literally. bought her a mint green switchblade for her 14th birthday n named it tinkerbell bc it would “die without attention” aka using it. tht sounds like a healthy gift to give a child tony congratulations sis <3

in an ideal world bradley wld have gone to uni to study psychology bc she jst wants to know how the fk her dad is literally like that bt she probably stuck around n is now managing no angels along with billy n marco (billy’s in her dad’s gang n is, u guessed it, a cunt, n marco is his sort of right hand man so to speak) bc tony’s in the closest neighbouring city overseeing a second ‘no angels’ opening up there to expand into a franchise n widen their income margins. bradley wld also be sort of used as a honey trap type deal once she got older if they needed to lure ppl places n sometimes still is bt it depends. the guys in the club all know not to mess w bradley bc she’s tony’s daughter n literally kind of scary herself sometimes bt there’s also this certain allure tht comes with being the boss’ daughter n it kind of comes across in how they act or talk abt her. yes i will kill them all n no i won’t feel bad abt it <3

think that’s kind of all u need to kno history wise... blinks one eye out of sync w the other..... runs to personality

PERSONALITY:

a phrase i wld always use to describe bradley in old intros is “like a cup of black coffee with one grain of sugar that u don’t taste until the last sip”. also dark chocolate. lime. liquorice. she’s an acquired taste n i feel like u either love her or u hate her. 

cannot express how unpredictably chaotic she is..... frequently throws a drink in a stranger’s face jst to start something bc she’s bored. loves to hurl cheese slices across the room so they slap onto someone’s face out of nowhere. likes smashing things. stubbing cigarettes out on faces in framed family photographs. will literally pick a lock n then smash the window besides it to defeat the whole purpose just bc she found how neat it was boring. does anything fr the adrenaline n thrill. gets into far too many fights n fights dirty. probably been thrown out of every bar in town at least three times. banned from a bunch too.

she’s witty bt she has a dark sense of humour..... can be quite mean.......... loves to roast ppl for no reason........ honestly has some nathan young frm misfits aspects in that sense like jst seems untouchable emotionally n like she doesn’t take anything seriously n is fking outrageous about it.....

has this quality abt her tht kind of scares herself sometimes. it’s like she recognises parts of her dad in her. she’s very perceptive (bc she’s had to be over the yrs trying to read every micro-expression of her dad’s to predict what’s next) n like emotionally intelligent in a way which is ironic bc her own emotions r just an absolute minefield.... bt. she can read people quite well. gets this eerily calm look abt her sometimes n it’s jst like god what’s. she thinking. what’s she’s gna do. i’m shaking. a cool n controlled kind of rage can often be scarier than the explosive type n bradley does that well. grits my teeth n tugs on my collar....

very strong on the surface. hates being vulnerable. has this ingrained idea that crying is childish or rly any kind of emotional display within herself. 50% not taking things seriously 50% angry. tht’s how she comes across....... internally? whole different story. bt ppl don’t see that.

very cavalier abt some things. will flash her tits n not even think abt it. jst very out there...... one of her closest friends is a homeless man named joe who wears neon purple fishnets on his head n loves to spit on ppl from over an underpass. finds eccentric ppl like this funny n surrounds herself w them. loves to be kept on her toes.

LOVES driving stolen cars down the wrong side of the highway. it’s a lot.

fiercely loyal to a fault to a select few bt if u wrong her personally this can switch pretty quick. quite a force to b reckoned w n will hold a grudge. bt like. if ur a Chosen One she’d bury a body for u no questions asked. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS

deals to u: bradley isn’t like full time into dealing bt she does do it sometimes.... treats it kind of like a hobby bc the lesser ranked can do tht shit as far as she’s concerned bt.. sometimes also jst gets bored n is like. why not. might be chaotic. mayb they’ll try to rob me <3 we love the thrill <3 or like..... if ur friends w her she’ll deal to u n no she will not do a friends discount <3 or if she does there will definitely be some sort of stipulation attached <3

high skl crew: if ur muse is local n ws an absolutely demonic hell spawn in high skl tht went to 1974547254 parties n was outrageously chaotic n rude then. bradley probably was friends w them <3 her friendships tend to be surface level bt they’d definitely go out a bunch bt whether they actually knew a lot abt her life is debatable bt we could explore options fr this

people who work at no angels: no angels is her dad’s strip club in irving that she kind of helps to run now. it’s kind of a shifty environment. the place where ud have an outrageous bachelor party. u go for the first time w a fake id n u get served bt u also get ur wallet stolen n ur convinced someone spat in ur drink n u also kind of think there might b a hit on u now after u made eye contact too long w a broad shouldered man smoking in a back booth. scary environment. testament to her dad as a person. maybe ur muse is a dancer there or works the bar or security or whatever u name it....

ma’am are u ok?: ur muse found bradley passed out across two bus seats one time in smudged dark eyeliner a silver slip dress n the world’s chunkiest combat boots this town hs ever seen. sometimes she winds up in spots like this when she goes too hard n it’s absolutely dangerous n reckless bt that’s jst bradley <3 mayb they forged an unlikely friendship frm this strange meeting or maybe even? dare i say it? a romance? opposite worlds colliding? good influence? let’s go crazy. release ur inhibitions. feel the rain on ur skin.

hook-ups: bradley’s cavalier abt this stuff..... very unemotional typically..... mayb we cld do an unrequited thing that wld be angsty n fun altho i won’t lie i don’t kno if she’d be the one to catch the feelings.... she rarely sleeps over bt once when she woke up in someone’s bed she hiked over to straddle them carefully as possible so they wldn’t wake up n then pressed her knife to their neck as a fun little surprise where she said boo when they opened their eyes.... she’s a lot clearly.

watermelon slugger, hiiii: bradley has this habit where she gets a bunch of watermelons n then goes to a rooftop n throws them over the edge to watch them explode when they hit the pavement.... maybe ur muse almost got hit by one once n were like WTF???????? another quirky meet cute moment like the bus one <3 can’t stop w them <3 maybe she randomly invited ur muse to do it w her when they were like. a stranger of f the street. she was bored. decided to adopt them as a science experiment. we cn elaborate on this probably....

ouch charlie: similar territory bt she also sometimes shoots pedestrians w a bb gun from rooftops. mayb ur muse wld always get hit by one on a certain route they walked n finally one day they saw her head ducking down behind a ledge n then they see her in the street one day n are like HEY IT’S YOU............. WTF? n bradley’s like ya i’m christ risen again it’s a lot to take in i know...

rly jst anything... mutually destructive friends... exes.... in one rp a character tried to get close to bradley so he cld write an expose all book about her n her family which i found so fking funny so i’ll request that again.... people she’s fought.... ppl whose gf/bf she’s fk’d n it’s caused enemy status.... someone whose place she broke into and shaved their eyebrows off in the night only to draw them on again in crudely thin permanent sharpie lines.... roommates cld be fun n sexy i’d love that actually.... jst anything rly. go wild. kisses everyone tenderly on cheeks.

#irvingintro #abuse tw #missing person tw #implied murder tw #grief tw #hospitalisation tw #depression tw #drugs tw #death tw #i think tht's all of them....... cor blimey......

[darlington-v]

Bro yeah... the transmasc friendship longing... its like yeah... I feel like its the youth vibes I should have had... and like, I look back on stuff I used to watch and how I felt about people around me... and like... the same wish and envy has always been there. Which like makes me feel a bit better cause its not JUST beeduo to give me the feelings...

Yeah... I just wanna be a bro who hangs with my bros...

You can like ignore this if you want, it just more of me being /same...

OK SO THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY INBOX FOR A HOT MINUTE BUT YEAH

U GET IT ANON.

and yeah same i had the same reaction to like sasuke and naruto as like uhh genins, and theyre like Anime Bitches

and then i've had the same reaction to eddie n richie from IT in the 2017 film so like

i know it's not JUST beeduo but damn i still get sad when i watch them sometimes lmfao

but it's alright i mean something that can bring me comfort is like!! honestly??? fiction exists for a reason, and you can totally just.... explore things you may miss out on THROUGH fiction. and that's like a comfort. like sometimes things aren't ideal because of the cards we're dealt and that's okay! bc idk sometimes the missing cards meant more experiences that make me, me.

i was thinking about this in the car about like how. i think to myself sometimes like wow i wish i had the childhood a cis gay man would have had because i know?? a lot of like.... things ive missed out on childhood are important to me and i wish i had those experiences sometimes.

BUT ALSO??? IF I WAS A CIS GAY MAN IDK. IDK IM GLAD IM A TRANSMASC NONBINARY PERSON DUDE. like cis men are great and wonderful and i genuinely love them!! but im glad i have.... the experience of being raised "female" so to speak. like maybe i didn't have like???? the experiences i sometimes may YEARN- this is so far unrelated to bee duo bc im getting into like being a queer cis boy, and like??? idk if they're queer! maybe! it's not my business and it's not anyones but im not putting any type of labels on these guys bc its not my job nor my business like i said

BUT. BEE DUO R SLIGHTLY RELATED TO ME GOING AWW MAN WISH I WAS A CIS BOY WHO WAS KINDA FRUITY W/ MY HOMIES SOMETIMES

BUT ANYWAYS.

I MAY YEARN FOR THAT SOMETIMES but also if i was cis i think i'd not be as privy to somethings i am now? like idk! like, the male experience is vastly different from the female experience, and [this is applicable to childhood largely as our society functions on a binary in terms of gender, and only recently has it become more often that parents may raise their kids aware of gender and shit like that.] so i'm not talking about adulthood being confined to a binary, but our childhoods (at least in the US) mostly are. like typically by adulthood if you're queer you have an idea or you know and you have the freedom to explore that and experiment with it. like thats not to say by adulthood the female and male experience are the same either, it's just to say usually by adulthood it's not just a narrow binary. like maybe??? in childhood it can be more broad be depending on how you were raised, but most people are raised... with a binary.

ANYWAYS. THEYRE BOTH DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES. AND THOUGH I MAY LAMENT ON THINGS I'VE MISSED, I THINK THE EXPERIENCES I HAVE NOW HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO WHO I AM TODAY, AND OVERALL, I LIKE WHO I AM TODAY. especially MUCH more than like. how much i'd be willing to SACRIFICE that for like... a cis boy experience.

like i wouldnt be able to, obviously, but with that knowledge i don't have to lament it all the time. especially when, like i said, i can just... explore that experience in fiction. and if you really wanted to like, you could definitely RP something similar with your friends! because its a fun and cool way to explore shit in fiction!

RP and fiction is cool, it can be a healthy tool for people who have been robbed of experiences or simply have missed experiences and lament that to explore.... said experience.

TLDR;

YEAH ME TOO, BUT A PIECE OF COMFORT I HAVE IS THAT EVEN THO I CANT HAVE THOSE EXPERIENCES, THE EXPERIENCES I HAVE NOW HAVE MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY AND I CAN ALWAYS JUST. WRITE SOME FICTION OR RP SOME OF THOSE EXPERIENCES IF I RLY WANTED TO

#asks #anon #vent cw #i guess its really not #im kind of just being open with my experience with gender #but it is personal #prince is a fahjay #there we go #now i have a tag about being gay #long post #personal #theres another tag for other personal shit i guess #trans achilleans getting sent into queer crises by bee duo squad

[steponmepinkjun]

I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

#felix-bi-anon #asksteppie

[lhmoonbin]

HELL O FRIENDS !!! IM SO EXCITED THIS IS FINALLY OPENING WOWOWOW Ok so hey hehe my name is fox (she/her), i’m 21 and in the gmt-3 timezone (so it’s likely i’ll be on here when most of you are asleep.... rip) and this is my baby seok moonbin!!! for starters, i’ll already tell you that he’s a very broke 23-year-old artsy boy who just wants to live his own life lmaooo you can find his detailed background and everything HERE, and his stats HERE, while under the cut i’ll basically sum everything up if you’re also like me and have the attention span of a fruit fly :> anygay i’ll also leave some possible connections here and !! that’s it?? HFJDSHFS pls like this if you want to plot and i’ll slide in ur dms k thx BYE

tw: mentions of underage alcohol and drug use, violence, anxiety/depression

background !!

moonbin was born in may 16th 2003 in busan so he’s 23 and a taurus baby <3

his birth was long awaited by his parents since they had been trying for a while, and a year after he was born they also had another boy

they moved to seoul when the two were still kids bc of his father being promoted

moony’s brother, jaesung, was always his best friend. they did everything together, played together, went to school together (their mom even sent them into school at the same time for their sake, so moonbin got into school 1 year late)

still, they had their differences, what with likes and dislikes, mostly bc jaesung was always more studious and straight to the point when moonbin was more imaginative, creative, easily distracted and loved everything that had to do with art

their parents disapproved of moonbin’s choices, since they wanted both of their sons to get jobs that could take them all kinds of places

everything stayed pretty much the same until they got into high school, where they were finally separated into different classrooms and jaesung’s behavior started changing bc of the people he started hanging out with, what one would call “the wrong crowd”; alcohol, drugs and too late night outs became something normal to him

it was pretty obvious that moonbin was left behind by his own brother, and he had to find his own friends, which were much more inviting towards him

jaesung started acting cold to moonbin even at their own home, and it didn’t stop there. as their high school years passed by, moonbin graduated and had to start working right away to be able to save enough money for college; his parents had way too much on their shoulders, since jaesung was suffering from anxiety and depression and had no intention of fixing that, only digging himsel deeper into the mess he was in and getting held back a few years in school

eventually, jaesung got so lost within himself that he ended up getting locked up after attacking both a random guy at a party and the officer who came over to separate them, and in his drunken state only made things worse for himself. that assured him more than ten years in prison, with a fee high enough to make his parents unsure if it was really possible to get him out

this happened when moonbin had just been accepted into college, and while the natural thing for him would be to just stay and help his parents out during such tough times, moonbin got easily affected by his friends and other people’s comments all the time, about his brother and how jaesung was in jail and simply associating moonbin to the person his brother was. it seemed so much easier to just go away and pretend like the life he lived up until he got into college didn’t exist, so that’s exactly what he did

if you ask him, moonbin will either deny he actually has a brother or disgard the family topic as a whole; he likes to think he’s detached himself from the reality he used to live in, so dependent of someone who so easily forgot about him

personality + extras !!

moonbin has always been very cheery and friendly, but before it was in a way more muted way than nowadays, since he doesn’t feel like he depends on anyone else to be around a crowd of people anymore

he always tries to make friends w everyone and likes to feel included when people remember him and such :>

at a party, moonbin is the kind of friend that everyone thinks is drunk when in reality he’s the only sober one lmao he rly only likes wine,, sometimes

moonbin is REALLY sensitive when it comes to things that dont concern his own personal emotions only. like for example.. he might cry during an argument about food or during any kind of movie lol maybe even in the middle of singing songs

very imaginative, often times has his head up in the clouds lmao also can be caught anywhere sketching in his little trusty journal, but he prefers painting over drawing anyway

another place he’s seen in is etude house, where he part-times and despite popular opinion, he actually thinks the pink uniform fits him quite well

ALSO he busks sometimes wherever ppl will have him !! he’s quite confident in his singing voice as well as his drawing/painting skills so thankfully he can also make a little bit of money from that (if u havent noticed, he’s broke)

PLS LOVE HIM HES MY BABY

wanted connections !!

ppl that study with him, study partners, someone that is tutoring him with a subject he cant quite focus in?? he’s not that studious lmao

a best friend??? someone who understands him and is able to crack him easily? he’s not very open to others about emotions and such, so it’d be nice to have that

he’s from seoul, so .. people who knew him back then? so like. high school friends, exes, enemies, all of that good shit

one sided crushes?? from him or on him, doesnt matter. maybe ur muse keeps visiting etude house only to swoon over moonbin dressed in pink.,, or he justs looks up to your muse and calls it a crush even if he knows it’s probably nothing too much

some deeper platonic relationships...

hook ups!! friends w benefits !!! all the romantic plots!!!

someone pls pls PLS give this boy a muse !!!!! doesn’t even have to be romantic but just like. maybe he saw your muse around one day and thought ‘OH shit wtf whos that person who’s suddenly given me an inspiration boost’ and proceeds to want to draw them at all times.. maybe even asks them to paint / draw them in person <3 could lead to more or not

idk maybe some enemies?? or ppl who dont like him? he doesnt rly drink or do any kinds of drugs (he’s traumatized by his brother) so idk maybe ur muse is rly into that stuff and got into an argument w moonbin about how he should live a little??? and moonbin got mad?? idk lmao

someone who’s seen moonbin busking a few times and just cant get enough of his voice.. his first “fan” :)

overall, just give my baby some friends pls <3

#if it's not obvious english is not my first language #pls be patient w me <3 thank u i love u yes u #ALSO IF U PREFER DISCORD LEMME KNOW #<3 #┊. ➶ ˚ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵗᶦᵐᵉ 「 ooc 」

[inkykeiji]

old this matchup thing is so cool tysm for doing this and congrats on 1k!!! u deserve it so so much

anyways, can i pls get a hq matchup? no preferences here tho! i’m a 5 foot tall bisexual who really loves books and music. :) i really enjoy reading articles and essays about pop culture and reading poetry. i love high heels and big sweaters and gold jewelry. i’m kind of a hopeless romantic lol. i rlly like spending time with my friends just going out to eat and talking bc i think communication is one of the most important parts of any relationship. hmm what else... i don’t really want to have kids, but i’d love to travel the world with a partner and just explore diff cultures. i’m currently in college and i really love taking classes not related to my major bc i just love learning lmao. and for halloweenie stuff, i love doing group outfits and funky makeup! last year, i painted some bats on my face and made my eyeliner look like a batwing. i’m really into psychological horror and true crime and i love buying full size candy bars to give out to kids trick or treating. besides that my fave part of halloween would probs be carving pumpkins and baking fall desserts. i hope this wasn’t too long ahh!!! but ty again :))) -star anon

eeeee star anon!!! hello hello & thank u so much!!! <333 awwww i’m just glad u guys are into the matchups tbh!! i was terrified no one was gonna participate hahaha

i match you with ⇢ bokuto koutarou! first off, he’d think ur just the cutest goddamn thing & i think your sense of style would go rly well together like y’all would look killer literally all the time. bo would always be so interested in whatever your reading, regardless of if he really understands it or not—he would just love to see your face light up as you get passionate about the topic/piece and he would be eager to learn more about it from you!! he is also a hopeless romantic, so get ready for lots of super cute, lovey dovey, mushy moments <3333 and he absolutely 100% agrees with you on the importance of communication (aka be prepared to have several long conversations about limits etc, and if you ever upset him or he upsets you, you’ll be able to talk it out and resolve it almost immediately; it really helps u guys grow as a couple!!)

what you carve into your pumpkin ⇢  you guys carve a few super cute, super classic pumpkin faces: a happy one, a sad one, a scary one, and a worried one!

which halloween candy you eat the most of ⇢ snickers or oh henry!

couples costume ⇢ extremely detailed and veeeery realistic zombies (seriously, bo scared himself when you finally allowed him to look in a mirror after you finished with his makeup). y’all would be so into it that you’d have come up with complete backstories for your costumes: who you were before you were bitten, where you were bitten, and how you were bitten. bonus points if some of ur friends join in and you become a zombie horde. 

how you celebrate halloween ⇢ i feel like you’d spend the day before halloween making very intricate and thoughtful treat bags for the trick or treaters, complete with lil toys n stuff in addition to your very generous full candy bars!! on the actual day of halloween, after handing out ur cute ass treat bags, you’d either spend the night in eating yummy treats and spooking yourselves out with true crime docs and podcasts (bo asks if u can sleep with the lights on that night when you crawl into bed) OR you go hang out w ur friends at kuroo’s insane halloween party (totally depends on how u guys feel after the trick or treaters are done!)

clari’s 1k halloween matchups! 👻

#also it could never be too long #tell me as much as u want guys #include whatever you'd like!! this is supposed to be fun!!! let's celebrate halloween vicariously through anime boys!! #who knows maybe u guys even baked the sweet treats!! #or maybe u bring some baked gods to kuroo's party!!! #ALSOOO sup 5 foot nothin shortiesss represent ehehe #anyway thank u for ur endless support star anon ily lots and lots <333 #have a wonderful halloween!! #inky.1k #star.anon #also star anon i am hereby reserving the star emoji for u if u ever wanna use it!!! u don’t have to tho! it’s just there if u want it <3 #OH OH fun fact my boyfriend and i usually make treatbags like that for the trick or treaters 🥺 #so u can imagine how depressed i am that halloween’s basically been cancelled this year :((

[skiasurveys]

447

.1 First thing you wash in the shower? - my body ..?

2. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? -alcohol i guess..but neither

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - yes hes my bf

4. Do you plan outfits? -depends on where i am going or what im doing! sometimes i don’t but if i’m going out with friends i do

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? - annoyed

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? - my phone

7. What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body? -i would freak out and most def call 911

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? - i was with my dad who is dead and i was crying bc i was like he’s not alive idk lol weird

9. Three of your current feelings? - Tired, annoyed, sad

10. What are you craving right now?Nothing rly.

11. Turn ons? -  i answer these too much

12. Turn offs? - ^

13. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? - food

14. When was the last time you cried? Why? -tonight

15. If you could be a superhero, who would you want to be? - idk

16. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? - not really.

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? - both but lick usually cus my teeth r so sensitive

18. Favorite movie ever? - the lion king

19. Do you like yourself? - no

20. Have you ever met a celebrity? - Nope

21. Could you handle being in the military? - no

22. What are you listening to right now? - futurama

23. How many countries have you visited? - one

24. Are your parents strict? - Kinda

25. Would you go sky diving? -never lol

26. Would you go out to eat with a stranger? - maybe..

27. Whats on your mind right now? - nothing

28. Is there anything you want to say to someone? -yeah there is

29. Have you ever been in a castle? - nope i want to

30. Do you rent movies often? -no

31. Whats your zodiac sign? - Sagittarius 

32. When was the last time you had sex? - tonight

33. Name five facts about yourself. - 1) im canadian 2) im an artist 3) i got hit by a car 4) i do youtube 5) idk

34. Ever had a near death experience? If so, what happened? -yeah i almost fell of a bridge lol and i got hit by a car

35. Do you believe in karma or predestiny? - not really

36. Brown or white eggs? - white..?

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? -Pop funko toys and some tees

38. Ever been on a train? -yes

39. Ever been in love? - currently am.

40. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it? - Yes.

41. If you could trade places with any person living or dead, who would you trade places with? - Maybe a youtuber lol

42. If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to becopme more attractive, would you do it? - Maybe hahaha

43. Whom do you admire and why? - gabbie bc she’s gone through so much and is successful

44. What was your favorite bedtime story as a child? - didn’t have one

45. You’re walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do? - try and help or call 911. i’m not equipped to go in but i would do my best

46. If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you? - no bc i want them to have the choice to do what they love

47. What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol? -idk just having friends

48. What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol? panic attacks

50. As your walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it? - No

51. If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them? yeah of course i would.

52. In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded. If you survive you’d receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger? - sure i already hate my life so if i die whatever and if i get 100 million great lol

53. How old were you when you lost your virginity? - 19

54. Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires? - No

55. If you could live forever, would you want to? - No

56. Which fictional movie character most resembles who you are? - idk

57. If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit? - maybe the 70/80s

58. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it? - No.

59. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? - No too much pressure hahah

60. If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to? - yeah sure why not

61. Would you rather live longer or be wealthy? - wealthy

#survey #surveys #questions #questionaires

[haikyuu-drabble]

can you write a jealousy drabble w oikawa :)

why... do i have such a soft spot for this dude someone help idk who my fav is anymore. also thank you for requesting! i have some others in my ask box atm but i’ll prob get to them tomorrow i’ve literally written so much in the past couple of days im already a little burnt out and should prob wait for some motivation. it just sux bc ive some rly great ideas but im having issues putting it into words :’’’’)

________________________________________

Oikawa x Reader | Lengthy

word count: 1150

It pissed you off that you were jealous. It pissed you off that you had no right to even be jealous. It pissed you off that you felt like you’d never have a chance. ----------- Oikawa Tooru was one of your first friends at high school. You appreciated him coming up to you on the first day of class. None of your friends were attending Aoba Johsai, and you were sitting alone at your desk. You guessed he noticed that you seemed lonely, so Oikawa approached you. He had a knack for drawing attention to himself. Whether it was good or bad depended on the person, but to you it was good. He helped you make friends and reach out to strangers. The two of you were able to maintain a friendship despite his always growing popularity... and with your strong feelings for him.

Every time you thought you were getting over him, he’d reel you right back in with that stupid smile or his obnoxious comments. But you believed that he never viewed you the same way you viewed him.

You were slightly looking forward to getting over you how felt about Oikawa when you’d leave for university. But that plan was ruined when you found out you were attending the same school as Oikawa. When he found out that you were going to school together again, Oikawa was overjoyed, and you were too. But there was just a large part of your heart that hurt. It made you hopeful, and that’s what crushed you. ------------ You and your friend from another school, Bokuto, were currently at a volleyball match for the men’s volleyball team at your university. Oikawa invited you earlier that day to watch the game, and you figured it was a good chance to hang out with Bokuto since he’d probably want to scout out the competition for his own team. Unsurprisingly, Oikawa was first-string setter. When the game finally finished, you wanted to go up to Oikawa and congratulate him. However, you were pushed to the side by the girls who swarmed your classmate. That’s when you could feel yourself building up with jealousy which led to disappointment. Bokuto asked, “Aren’t you going to go up to him?”

“He looks busy. I’ll just text him later or something.” You smiled and shook your head, “I’ll just head back home.”

You began to walk away, but he grabbed your arm, “We watched the whole thing. I know Oikawa would be happy to see that you came. He asked you to come, didn’t he?”

“And I did just that.” you replied, “It’s fine.”

You walked out of the gym while Bokuto watched you. When you neared exit the gym, Bokuto looked back and forth in the direction of you and then at Oikawa who was distracted by the random girls. Bokuto roared, “Oikawa!”

You were too far away to hear Bokuto trying to get Oikawa’s attention, but Oikawa heard him loud and clear. Once Bokuto saw that he caught the setter’s attention, he pointed at your retreating figure. Oikawa excused himself from the girls who were talking to him and jogged in your direction.

You, on the other hand, could feel your heart breaking. You felt a mixture of emotions—anger, sadness, frustration. Tears started to form in your eyes. You felt so upset at yourself. 

You took a deep breath when you left the building and looked up at the night sky. Suddenly, someone grabbed your arm, and you turned around to see who it was. You saw a breathless Oikawa gazing at you. He saw the tears in your eyes and softly asked, “What’s wrong?”

You felt the tears start to well up even more, and you apologized, “I’m sorry.”

He put his hands on your shoulders and gently made you face him. Oikawa gave a supportive smile, “What could you possibly be sorry for?”

You looked at him, “I can’t be your friend anymore.”

Oikawa’s hands dropped to his sides, and he apprehensively laughed, “W-what do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said.” You mumbled.

“Where is this coming from?” Oikawa whispered.

“I’ve been trying for so long. I didn’t want things to turn out like this.” You cried, “I really wanted to be with you forever, but I can’t just keep on watching you like this. It hurts, you know? When I see you around all these other people flirting with you, I get jealous. I hate that you don’t feel the same way about me. I hate that I… I hate that I love you.”

“You love me?” Oikawa repeated.

You gave a sardonic smile, “Of course you wouldn’t know. I just thought that one day I would get over these feelings, but just being around you all the time gets my hopes up. But I knew the whole time that you would never feel the same about me.”

Oikawa held your cheeks and made you look at him, “What have I ever done to make you feel that way?”

You stared at him, “What?”

“You, dummy.” He laughed, “Why do you think I still ask you to hang out all the time? Why do you think I always ask you to come to my games? Why do you think I ran all the way out here to catch up to you?”

“I—what?” you asked again.

“For someone so smart, you can be so dumb.” He gave you a sweet smile, “I’ve liked you probably for a longer time than you’ve liked me.”

“B-but I’ve liked you since our second year of high school!” you cried, “And you’ve been going through relationships left and right since our first year.”

Oikawa’s cheeks turned a bright shade of red, and he mumbled, “I asked you out first year, and you denied me.”

“When did that ever happen?” you nearly yelled.

Oikawa yelled back, “The fact that you don’t even know when just goes to show!”

“You always joke around, so it’s hard to tell when you’re serious! Besides that doesn’t explain you dating other people!” you complained.

Oikawa grimaced, “Those were all flings and regretful ones at that. They clearly didn’t work out because here I’ve been, single for a couple years now!”

“T-that’s because of me?” you stuttered.

Oikawa cupped your cheeks, “If I hadn’t made that clear enough, maybe this will.”

His inched his face closer to you, and you clamped your eyes shut. A couple seconds had passed, and Oikawa’s hands dropped from your cheeks. You opened one eye and saw him squatting on the ground. He pouted, “You’re so cute! How could I even kiss you?”

You knelt down next to him and looked him dead in the eye. You quickly pecked his lips and stood up. Before he could even stand up, you were nearly sprinting away from him. He called out for you, “I have a meeting tonight to discuss the match! But don’t think I won’t be coming over to talk to your apartment about this!”

Without turning around to hide your beet red skin, you yelled, “I’ll be expecting you then!”

#oikawa #oikawa x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa tooru x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu one shot #aoba johsai #seijoh #Anonymous #request

[unproduciblesmackdown]

40, 47, 59, 62, 76

lmao hell yeah thanks for All this support i love it!! quastions

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

really idk i feel like even our schools’s Antics were pretty par for the course and i was just sitting in the corner reading the whole time basically......trying to think if anything wild happened in college but even then it was p similar. well you know what, whatever donors covered the majority of the cost of the school’s black box theater being renovated apparently Stipulated that every other year a rodgers and hammerstein production be put on. absolute freaks. my roommate/friend and their then-boyfriend, the one mormon i have Knowingly Known in my life, were in pirates of penzance (sic?) together. hilarious

47. favorite type of cheese?

i like cheddar and like, parmesan, smoked gouda.....let’s get that shit Sharp!!! and hard lmao

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

idk i’d be like an npc just doing their weird thing on their own. i’ve never played pokemons unless you count pokemons Go but i think about the famed “i like shorts they’re comfy and easy to wear” npc kid. like, yeah. i feel the same. and would say similar bullshit nobody asked about

62. seven characters you relate to?

oh god.........recognizing the self through the relatable characters :|

well let’s just talk about the wrol roles right off b/c the characters that Most occupy my gay thoughts (which is to say: my general thoughts) will inevitably get priority when it comes to Remembering things

1) whom among us doesn’t relate to jared kleinman........will roland emerging from relative obscurity and coming for our entire fucking lives like the goddamn legend he is. it’s tough b/c it’s like, oh well alana is relatable too, so is evan unfortunately sorry evan, and in ways i might ~usually act~ like one of those two more than jared but. no. it is Jared who wins the relatability contest, and we all get to be beautifully haunted by it forever

2) leaning hard into winston even with the few glimpses of him b/c somehow will Cannot play an allistic cishet. and this is even More of a case where maybe i don’t much have winston’s demeanor.......even without winston being a beacon of confidence, he has more confidence lmao. and he has that ability to just Be Himself in a situation which, i wish i had that moxie lmao. i am a lot more [usually trying to be accommodating wayyyy harder than i should], booo......even though he’s clearly not great at conflict considering how it doesn’t take Too much to put him out, it’d be pretty impossible for me to be all “called them hacks and lame” or carry out a very irritated monologue in front of four people in the first place lmao. but who knows. and it’s more in the details of like, oh no winston’s the odd one out even though he hasn’t really Done Anything, but we all ~understand~ why he Deserves it.........his expectation / treating it basically as Fact that he will disappoint people.......the [weird] [offputting] behaviors and his way of speaking in What he Says and How He Says It seeming wrong to people.......like it’s only 15-ish min of content that we have here and we don’t have the least info about will’s own thoughts on the character but it’s like. how is this such an iconic Gay Autistic Quant b/c these vibes are so rare. and i appreciate that he can be ~difficult~ lmao. same with jared though i didn’t mention it. i can be difficult!! love it for us...

3) briony atkins from murder of bindy mackenzie as a character who Does act more like how i Usually Act Like lmao.....god we’re only on three i forgot there was seven of these. and yet i know there’s probably at least 2 dozen characters who could make this list and i just won’t think of most of them unless directly reminded......but anyways yeah i mean in person i mostly do Not want attention unless i feel comfortable enough / in my element or whatever. especially if it’d be some situation like “sitting in a group of randos” lol. i mean it depends b/c i also can sometimes be ~on~ in terms of Masking and trying to be like Haha I’m Social I’m Regular and i def engage in Nervous Chatter sometimes, but like, very often it’s like god don’t talk to me and i don’t want to talk either.....and then yeah people Will be surprised that like, idk, i’m opinionated as shit and idk that i Enjoy Things / Have Thoughts And Feelings coz the assumption i guess is that you must simply have nothing to say. so the dismissal of this person who seemingly has nothing to contribute and must be Boring rings true lmfao.....but then of course it’s also important that her personality Under that is the one getting mistaken for emily’s lol cuz yeah At Heart i am sure of that dramatic / intense / excitable type Sometimes. but it takes some excavation before i am like “oh i can engage in my actual self” and like weeks and months to get comfortable w/ people and i’m always suspicious that anyone actually would enjoy it and i’m not too much......i am a motormouth actually and have something to say about any and everything and like to Have Fun Here but like. idk i come off as boring and can be Notably Quiet lmao

4) oscar martinez from the office is weirdly [Haha Same] sometimes lmfao. sort of keeps to himself but also has to pipe up with Opinions and Pedantry and the kind of Drama of a restrained theatre gay. some deleted scene from an episode where during an interview clip of Jimothy in a theater lobby and you have oscar call from across the group in that [wearied Ugh God] way of ‘jim, they’re remaking ___’ while jim just kind of gives a cursory “wow gosh” or whatever and like, i sure don’t have lots of Theatre Opinions but that “oh jeez i have a Take on this and have to share it with someone” vibe is like hahaha yeah.....it’s funny in the “the gang goes to the ice rink for a third of the ep” bit where you just catch oscar doing [ice skating turn] with some solemn intensity.......the “here’s a question nobody’s asking: is this worth it” quote.........way at the end where there’s a whole deal with one of the indoor plants and he’s like “why is it a He” @ the collective gendering of the houseplant lmfao.......i love the one thing where he and pam and uhh toby right? have the Finer Things book club or whatever and jim wants to join just like ~ironically~ and pam has to tell him that oscar doesn’t want him to join b/c he’s not going to take it seriously and use it as a Jokes Vehicle. and then you get the scene at the end where jim Is basically doing that and they’re just like taking it out of him and oscar’s all very seriously like “did you get it all out of your system” lmfao like yeah, earnest members only lmao.....the thing where he gets mad at angela’s like Jazz Musician Posed Babies posters all “it’s kitsch it Destroys art” lmaoooo and in a totally different season all “this is the problem with debate” over the completely inconsequential “is [whichever actress, i forget] Hot” “”””debate””””.......the whole tendency to get involved and always have a take to get across.....opinionated-sometimes-to-the-point-of-petty central. also that he’s the canon gay, are there even any others? anyways and as the us office’s spiritual successor i’ll add on to this by uh what’s the name of billy eichner’s character on parks and rec? it’s craig right. that Self-Powered Intensity is very #me as well.

5) augh god........im like lmfao shit who represents my Hater Club side. hmmm. oh no wait you know what. totally different but i love Prof Beatrice Hotchkiss in the trt nancy drew pc game. she’s holed up in her room writing all the time and just is weird when you try to talk to her all like no i won’t open the door, bring me food, do this Research, bring me my Ski Boots i guess......and then when you do meet her it’s all at like post-midnight in the lounge and she’s all like, encouraging you as a Night Owl and your investigative curiosity and all and i’m like oh word yeah being up in the dead of night is the shit. she’s just weird and passionate and this is another character i might not Act hardly at all like but who i vibe with lmfao. hotchkiss was the supportive adult in my life

6) remembering how hotchkiss is a historian made me think of academia which made me think of like, once again with “these vibes are So So Rare” i really ought to put the wrol role of Nato on the list cuz like. that essential representation of “gets gr8 grades but isn’t really ~academic~ / doesn’t care about that and really just cares about Hanging W Friends and [real specific interests]” is like wow damn that’s the Mood. coz like to an extent i can always Relate to the ~overachiever~ types a la the [nerd character gets all-A’s and other nerd shit] deal, but there’s eventually the issue of like.....those characters like bindy mackenzies and alana becks Care about their achievements (not exclusively as some ppl would have it 9_9) and are Studious whereas i always hated school and was a godawful student in terms of Habits and always got good grades b/c the devil was with me or something and like people will think i must have tried real hard and dedicated myself to Academics and stuff and it’s like.........no................not at all hardly, sure i did my hw every night but at like 11:29 pm or studied for a midterm at lunch right before the class lol or flipped through a lil bit of the sat study guide the night prior.........the “low-effort dumbass who Academically Excels Anyhow” representation is so crucial like!! i run into a wall when it’s the Good Grades nerd character who is real studious and focused and stuff like. couldn’t be me. meanwhile the “naturally weird + probably some ‘deliberate’ weirdness” and “likes animals” and “most likely to just wanna Roll With It” and “shitty focus lol” and “non sequiturs” and “without [activity] i do nothing” is all like....ahahahohoho..........nato rly got to make this list. and honorable mention for Wrol Jeremy. again: whom doesn’t relate!!!!!!!!

7) damnit i know there’s So many answers to [characters i relate to] and whom cover like, more particular Facets here but i’m struggling lmao. Uh. like i’m like, who’s the Hot Mess / continually evolving disaster characters i vibe with......who’s the peak despresso detached Haters rep......who embodies the solo production lifestyle........dammit you know what lol i tend to Feel for like, the background ~nobodies~ who might just get like totally destroyed in some movie with life or death stakes just to like, show how much danger our heroes / Important Complex Protags are. same w/ jeremy not feeling like the Hero / the one who the story’s about / the cool guy / player 1 / etc etc etc i’m like oo i’d be the npc who doesn’t really do anything, i’d be the rando getting blown away in the background of someone else’s story. on a totally different note another shoutout / honorable mention to wybie from the coraline lmfao one of the best characters invented from thin air for an adaptation......tangentially relevant b/c he’s entirely here to support the protag / not his story at all, just here to help and prompt interactions / exposition really.......but love that [weird loner kid who’s best friend is a cat and annoys the other kid and doesn’t Get it and has specific interests and entertains himself and just is doing weird shit around here tf dude lmao killing it] like, #mood. #lifestyle. less dismal to relate to than the bg person who dies......his counterpart who totally dies is somewhat fleshed out / given Investment so it doesnt Really count as [background Nobody who’s really just fodder for “defining the stakes / threat level”] Character Concept

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

latkes maybe......Yummy

#i expect to now just think of like ten dozen Other Characters who would've been great to mention #c'est la vie!!! c'est comme ca!!!! speaking of. thinking of the hc that winston jsut. drops french phrases into his speech sometimes #building on the moi....tbt ur benston fic w quelle horreur..... #nothingunrealistic1

[entamewitchlulu]

Arc V Month Day 6: Favorite Familial/Platonic Relationship

IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER TOP X NUMBER CAUSE MAN DO I LOVE THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS SHOW!!!!

Ok this list is not in any order because ranking this was RLY HARD...so anyway  here’s ten family/platonic relationships I like from Arc V

Yuya and Yoko

I’ll never stop talking about it but Yoko is one of the best anime parents EVER. It’s so nice to have a mom in a shonen anime who is a) present and not dead, b) actively involved in her child’s life and development and c) has her own backstory and personality.  But this isn’t a post about Yoko, this is about her relationship with Yuya.

They’re just such a hilarious parent-child couple tbh; Yoko is loving and supportive but also more than willing to crack out the tough love when she thinks he needs it.  And Yuya loves his mom right back, respecting her input and being inspired by her.  We need more parent-kid relationships like this in media!

Reiji and Reira

In a totally different fashion from Yuya and Yoko, here’s another family relationship that I adore.  The thing about these two is that honestly?  Their relationship is messy, and not always healthy, and I love that sort of dynamic.  Reira starts out as overly dependent on Reiji, and while Reiji respects their needs and feelings, he also has a very paternalistic, “I made you who you are” view towards Reira in the beginning as well.  The fact that they are not actually related also stirs the pot a little for this unusual relationship. Neither of them are emotionally stable and both of them have things to learn, unlearn, and grow from especially in regards to each other. But in the end both of them really do care about each other.  Reiji truly, legitimate cares about Reira’s safety and well being, and Reira really respects and trusts.  They’re not a perfect family, but they are a family despite their beginnings, and I really, really love this take on a sibling relationship.

continued under the cut cause this is already long and i don’t want to clutter people’s dashes lol

Yuzu and Yuya

Ok we’ve hit all the family relationships I wanted to hit, so now it’s onto the friendships!  I really, really love Yuya and Yuzu’s relationship.  They’re just so real, lol, they’re childhood middle school best friends who hang out, make jokes,  inspire and push each other to get better, and irritate the crap out of each other.  They are each other’s inspiration and motivation and their reason for fighting; they’re each other’s ride or die and it’s basically the whole plot of the series lol.

Sora, Yuzu, and Yuya

Again, I just!! Love these kids acting like kids!! They’re such a cute, fun trio, teasing and irritating each other, teaching and learning from each other, and just being silly.  And it really hits my heartstrings to think about how Yuzu and Yuya were Sora’s first ever real friends, his first experience having people who cared about him and his wellbeing, which was was so paradigm-shifting for him that almost without even thinking about it he put his life on the line to try and secure Yuzu’s safety.  Yuzu and Yuya’s trust in Sora despite all that happened was so heart-warming, too.  They’re just such a sweet trio and I love them so much <3

Yuya and Gongenzaka

THE MANLIEST OF FRIENDSHIPS... They have SUCH a supportive relationship? As much as they consider themselves rivals, they are absolutely friends first and foremost.  Both of them push each other to be better, but will instantly drop everything to help the other even if it puts their own chances or even their safety at risk.  They’re the absolute bestest buds and I love them.

Dennis and Gongenzaka

I mean I kind of ship this too, but I’m putting it on the platonic friendship list because that’s where I really like it the most.  I almost wish they’d gotten just ONE more significant interaction past their duel, because they were so cute!  Dennis’s happy-go-lucky energy (and deep buried sense of guilt that’s shrouded beneath that) meeting with Gongenzaka’s no-nonsense, disciplined and straightforward honest self is just such a potent mix that leads to so many interesting possibilities.  They are absolutely the definition of “opposites attract.”

I could talk about this forever because I adore nearly every dynamic in this show, but I think I’m gonna stop it there for the time being haha;;;; I love Arc V and it’s relationships ;w;

#arcvanniversary #lulu talks

[madd-information]

This is long so I submitted it this way instead of sending in like 1,000 asks. Hope that’s okay?

Hi I’m Twoot and idk if I have (have? Is that the right term?) madd but I might and I’m looking into it. I’ve tried to do some research but idk how well it matches up. For as long as I can remember I’ve sort of created my own worlds or pretended that I was part of some that already existed (based off of youtubers, shows, books, etc. When I was younger it was a big mix of me as a person experiencing it and a character as me experiencing it but recently it’s just been me as characters) It’s not *all* of my life but when I sat down to write this all out I realized how much it happens. and I’m an only child living with only my dad so i didn’t have many real ppl to play w growing up and I have a lot of alone time. I spend a lot of my (mostly) alone time (walking to and from school, being home alone, in bed at night (so much plot in the stories/worlds I build happens at night), and even sometimes in social situations,, tho it depends) doing what I have dubbed in the latest years “The Characters Thing” (I’m just going to call it TCT for now bc I’m not %100 sure if it’s madd or not so that’s just what I’m going to refer to it as here)

Usually when I get into something (bc of my adhd when I get into a fandom type thing I hyperfixate and *rly* get into it) my whole world revolves around that thing. I create a sort of au and story in my head and they often times never wrap up before moving on to the next one. While I’m involved in one of my hyperfixations I usually do TCT about them and start a storyline which I continue throughout my day. These can last from one afternoon (tho that’s p uncommon) to months. They change as my hyperfixations change bc once I tire of those the characters/world no longer interest me and my hyperfixations usually last for a couple months. Right now I’m into Moomin so for example I would be Snufkin or the Joxter (it switches who I am A Lot depending on what’s happening in the story/ where I am while I’m doing TCT bc I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is actually madd) and go thru parts of the story I’m making as them. I don’t think of myself as becoming them ig?? Looking back I’m still me,, I’m the body,, the one experiencing things but during TCT the concept of “Twoot” (me) is gone and I perceive things and react to situations (irl or in the story in my head) as the character. It’s never in third person as I am always a certain character and even if I imagine others I do not act as them even tho I sort of control them. Another thing I forgot to add is that I can switch between what character I am. It often varies from world to world and story to story but sometimes I switch characters randomly bc my mood changes and the way I’m acting would better fit another character or my hyperfixation might shift and maybe a different character seems more appealing at that time. It’s like when you’re reading a fic and some of the chapters are in the POV of a different character. Tho for me it’s never third person no matter what. I always see it thru the eyes of the character I am.

There can sometimes be multiple worlds/stories happening at the same time which sometimes stumps me on what one to continue with when I do TCT. The stories never happen at the same time but if there are stories that are super short (last for only an afternoon or so,, but again these are super rare) there might be characters from multiple things in the same place. One recently for me was a world of me walking back from school after a stressful class where two characters (strongly tied to emotions. The three characters here are the only ones that are tied to emotions and pop up when I am feeling a certain emotion. Tho there are exceptions like there’s a character that always pops up when I’m stimming.) Who represent pettiness and anger (Marvin from Falsettos being the main one. (The only time when I act as him is when I am feeling petty or selfish and angry bc falsettos isn’t my hyperfixation anymore and I wasn’t usually him when it was my hyperfixation) Little my from Moomin was the other but unlike Marvin me feeling angry isn’t the only time she pops up bc that’s not all she’s included for and she’s part of my current hyperfixation) where talking to me (At the moment I was snufkin from the Moomins who i use to make my emotions stable bc he is always calm and collected. He’s also the main character I am rn bc he’s my favorite and from my current hyperfixation) even tho Marvin is not from Moomin and little my and snufkin aren’t from falsettos. This kind of world with mixing characters and it being so short (only lasted for half of my walk home) is v v uncommon tho it does happen. It is also an example of one of the kinds of situations that happen when I do TCT.

There are three kinds.

One: Real world. This is where the characters (Sometimes just the character I am and sometimes there are others around me) are responding to things that are happening around me activity. Example: Worrying about a test I have, playing a video game, or doing something activity that is happening irl. This can easily bleed into the second type if I am doing something nonspecific like walking home or eating dinner.

Two: Imaginary situations: This is where I am doing something during TCT that I am not doing in the real world. Example: irl I am in bed but durning TCT I am walking around the forest(little irl movement and acting bc I am lying down and I cannot speak bc I might be heared by my dad) or irl I am just home alone but during TCT I am going shopping with another character (a lot of irl movement. I can talk, run around, grab props to use and use them, etc.)

Three: Including other people: This is why it doesn’t affect my social situations negatively. This is where I am interacting with other people and see myself as one character and those around me as others. This usually follows the rules of the forst kind bc I base things around what is actually happening. If I am around my little cousins sometimes I can play with them and suggest what we play using the world I’m focused on at the time (it’s not that weird bc I’m 14 and we don’t see each other that often but when we do we’re all v close and it’s not as weird or forced as it sounds) and I’m the character I am at that time and might even suggest them to be other characters from it. If not this can actually star a branching work with my cousins ocs as characters that I might or might not use if I continue that branch. If I am around friends we don’t play that often anymore bc were all about 14 so we play less and less but there was a long lasting hyperfixation that rly was great for TCT bc my friends where into it at the same time and often played and/or rped as these characters. So sometimes they might play along but most of the time for type three I only imagine them to be other characters. I assign them a character that matches who they are and hang out with them as I act on the way my character as they and build the story in my head as things happen irl. Examples: irl I’m eating dinner at a restaurant with my dad and grandparents but during TCT I am the character eating dinner with the other characters in the world in my characters dining room, irl I am in the ocean on a beach trip with my friends but during TCT I am a Character that is trapped on an island and swimming to somewhere else with the few other characters for company, or irl I am in a car going to a friends house while it’s late with her mom driving us but during TCT I am the character on a train traveling to to town for the first time to go to an inn while I chat with a character that is a stranger (even if irl she’s my best friend) and the nosy lady in front of us who keeps interrupting our generally peaceful train ride

I am always aware that I am doing TCT and usually (I think? I’ve never tried to specifically shut down any “sessions” of TCT) in control of when it stops/starts and there is no inner world. I am aware of what the body is seeing, hearing, feeling, etc. irl but TCT is happening on top of it(?)

If there are other characters besides just me in a scene (unless I’m with other people and assign them a character that suits them in my head) I see them even tho they’re not there? They are invisible but I can tell what they look like and where they are at any given time. In the “scenes” im never “transported” anywhere. Sort of. I can decide where the room I’m in is in the story (like I say that my room is really the inside of a tent or that the restaurant I’m in is the dining room of my character’s house) but it’s the same as how the characters look. I perceive everything as it is but imagine that things look different. This also happens with real people I assign characters to in my head. My eyes see the people but my brain, ig in my minds eye sees what the character they “are” looks like.

There are multiple different reasons that TCT happens for me. Most of the time it’s because I’m bored (I have adhd-pi (the inattentive type) so this happens quite a lot) but I also use it to deal with situations I want to personally distance myself from.

Like because I have sensory issues it’s Awful for me that I have to go out to eat with my grandparents every week and have to hear them chew food. So I start doing TCT and handle things how my character would handle it. If I end up spiraling and breaking down then TCT is torn away and my mind stops thinking of that as I am too preoccupied with the breakdown (usually dealing with personal things so it’s harder to place a character on it)

I have recently started to use TCT to my advantage during breakdowns and either acting as a more stable character they ig to calm themself down OR be Twoot (me) (this is v uncommon for me this past year or so unless it’s to do what I’m explaining now) and have the characters “there with me” to calm me down. It all depends on the specific experience.

What makes me question if madd is what I’m experiencing or not is bc It doesn’t usually affect my social life; if I’m doing TCT I just have my friends/family be other characters (tho I don’t tell them this ofc) and it’s not like an actual dream. I still experience reality while it’s happening and it’s not too vivid (I have memories of the parts of stories like they really happened but as I explained before things seem sort of transparent so they aren’t too detailed) also it’s not third person. I have to experience it in first person weather I’m acting it out (this is ideal, I do this if I’m home alone or walking somewhere alone. If I can’t speak and move around to act them out I mouth things out and imagine that I am doing the things, but not rly bc I imagine doing things in first person if that makes sense, or if I rly have to it all happens inside my head but that’s only if I’m in a social situation where I can’t move around. If I’m in a social situation with friends I can move around in I move and and act in the ways that the character I am at the moment would/ is in my story and have my friends be the characters while I build the story around what is happening irl)

If there’s anything else I should explain but at this time that is all I can think of to share. I hope this makes sense. If it’s not madd do you have any idea what it could be?

I always thought me doing this was normal then when I realized it wasn’t I thought it was just my adhd but I had kind of realized it might be something else and it made me think after I brought up the fact that I did this to my therapy group as a way to distance Myself from situations that are uncomfortable and deal with stress so I decided to do some digging and madd seemed rly close but I thought I’d ask someone before I go and self diagnose let alone talk to my dad about it.

#maladaptive daydreaming #actuallymadd #. #Oml this was so long im so sorry #it also probably didnt make muchc sense #oof #thank you for running this blog tho its lovy and thank you fir reading my cinfused ramblings! #submission

[theharellan]

misconception: that solas doesn't form meaningful bonds during his time in the inquisition other than with a romanced inquisitor

send me meta this is actually a different meme but shush | accepting

i’ll be talking about this until the day i die, but solas makes plenty of meaningful relationships beyond not only the romanced inquisitor, but the inquisitor, period.

game mechanics overly emphasise the relationship between any canon companion and the play character, so i sort of understand where this misconception comes from. their arcs are decided, in part, by their relationship to the player and so it would be really invalidating if, say, you has negative solas approval but he still made it clear that he had accepted the reality of the world around him b/c of his friendship with the iron bull, for example. it’s one of the ways the developers make sure their choices matter.

luckily, this is an rp blog, so i can say that an inquisitor can treat solas like absolute shit and he’ll still make ties in the world and realise how fuckin wrong he was, as he well should.

i’m on a tangent and i haven’t even rly started answering this yet, so here we go:

a befriended inquisitor is just as important to solas as a romanced inquisitor. just as important to his development, to his epiphanies, etc. much of the dialogue goes unchanged regardless of if a relationship is platonic or romantic. even if he doesn’t have romantic feelings for the inquisitor, he still feels the whole world change upon meeting them. he still compares them to the ancient wisdoms he’s known in a pre-veil world. i’ve seen jokes that say the lines have romantic overtones, but really i think solas is just the sort of person to form highly emotional friendships. falon’din and dirthamen are implied not to be brothers, but “twin souls,” something that myself and other a-spec ppl have likened to queer platonic partners. while those two have undoubtedly sullied the term for anyone who opposes them, what i’m trying to demonstrate is that solas comes from a society that doesn’t find close platonic friendships odd.

but like i said, this goes beyond the inquisitor.

the fandom vastly understates his relationship with cole most of all. often he’s depicted as one of his fathers, which i can appreciate as a joke, but i feel like it undercuts how important that relationship is– for both of them.

cole goes to solas first when he’s experiencing trouble after adamant, not the inquisitor. not even if they’re a mage. b/c he knows he can trust solas to not use him. solas involves himself in cole’s well-being potentially even if he loathes the inquisitor and everything they are, something he didn’t do for wisdom’s sake, but is willing to for cole. and regardless of the option chosen, solas continues to support him and ask after him:

Solas: How do you feel, Cole? Are you…Cole: I am me. I cannot be bound, broken. I will help the hurt and kill the killers.Solas: I see. I… let me know if I can help.

solas offers affirmation and support for cole, talking him down from what seems to be a panic attack at one point:

Cole: It’s brighter here. Glittering. Glaring. Glinting. I can’t…Solas: It’s a mild tremor in the Veil. Nothing to worry about. Focus on what is here, in this world.Cole: But… what is here?Solas: Feel the ground, the breath in your lungs, fabric rustling against your skin.Cole: (Breathes.) Thank you.Solas: It’s nothing. It can be overwhelming for anyone.

and when cole tries to fix what’s fundamentally broken in solas, solas doesn’t spurn him. this isn’t to say characters who do react with venom when cole oversteps bounds are wrong, cole being able to see in heads doesn’t mean he has the right to speak their pain aloud, but i think it demonstrates the patience solas has for cole being who he is. it has the potential to go down a path that solas doesn’t quite… get. assuming the trespasser line “he didn’t want a body, but she asked him to come” is referring to solas, solas is someone who desperately doesn’t want to have a physical body and is probably afraid of cole having the same regrets as he does.

their relationship also goes both ways. cole offers him support throughout the game, understanding solas in ways that others can’t. not necessarily through any fault of theirs, but being able to key into solas’s emotions goes a long way. and then you get to trespasser, where cole is the one person to speak fondly of solas and the only one to approve if you say you have to save him from the vidasala. imo if we go by game canon solas is closest to cole, even closer than a befriended or romanced inquisitor. since this is an rp blog, that obviously varies, but as it stands no one understands solas like cole and no one understands cole like solas. a cole who becomes more human is likely to become alien to him in some respects, but from canon banter it’s clear that solas is willing to try. this was a very long winded way of saying solas loves cole.

beyond cole, it’s hard to argue solas forms emotionally intimate relationships with others in the inquisition. that being said i also don’t think they have to be emotionally intimate to be meaningful.

it’s, like, 100% canon that he hangs out with people outside of when we drag him places. blackwall has banter that implies they talk regularly, at least enough for blackwall to conclude that solas “knows all there is to know about everything” and even ignoring that they canonically play diamondback together. in banter they swap their experiences at war, although given they’re both hiding something they’re both being vague about it. still, solas clearly comes to regard him highly enough that he’s mad about the revelations of blackwall’s personal quest. a combination of solas having more in common with him than he hoped, and that for all solas has done wrong “killing civilians for fun and profit” wasn’t one of them. and solas seems to have come to respect him enough to apologise, backing out of his initial reaction to accept that thom had taken a step to becoming someone better.

josephine also references speaking to him, despite them never speaking on-screen which was a crime. she says “he has the most fascinating stories” and in ambient dialogue with her agents references occurrences where they seem to speak to nobility together. again, i wouldn’t say they had a deep bond, but i think they developed a rapport.

as for people i do think solas was genuinely friends with, there’s cassandra, varric, and iron bull. unlike the former two there isn’t really a reference to them hanging out outside of banter, but given their relationship i at least like to imagine they spend some time together.

varric and solas clearly spend time together before you meet them in-game, for one. long enough that varric thought of a nickname, though whether “chuckles” was decided on right there or earlier it’s hard to say. the two have actually a pretty funny rapport going, varric being one of the people to bring out solas’s sense of humour without much difficulty. and when they’re not joking around, they have interesting conversations. i’ve actually been wanting to rewrite the balcony scene with thora, my dwarf inquisitor, and solas to incorporate the fact that varric– who makes his living writing– doesn’t match his narrow view of what dwarves should be. it’s just one way the game steers solas in such a way that he isn’t allowed to grow unless the inquisitor gives him permission to, similar to how his view of the qun will flip-flop depending on if he’s talking to iron bull or a friendly qunari inquisitor, but i digress.

with varric, cassandra, and bull alike he demonstrates that he’s more capable of changing his mind than people give him credit for, i think. he admits he might have been mistaken in his interpretation of the dream of a man living his days alone on an island.

cassandra and solas’ relationship started out very hostile from the sound of it, but the hostility is worked out before the inquisitor wakes up, so much attention isn’t drawn to it. solas says he gave up his staff, and while i don’t think he was ever technically a prisoner, i also don’t think he would’ve been allowed to up and leave after that point. he references that she threatened his life if he didn’t get results, and yet in banter he’s complimentary towards her, most notably her ability to surrender the chance for power when she feels she is unfit for the role and that she’s capable of changing her mind. idk, i think their relationship demonstrates the best of both characters– cassandra’s ability to be less hard-line than she is around the likes of varric’s, solas’s ability to respect people with differences of opinions to him, both of their abilities to change their minds about the other.

heck, there’s even the option for some emotional intimacy. cassandra offers her condolences about wisdom, solas comforts her when her faith is shaken, providing hope when she realises her power did not come from the maker as she was taught. he’s also at his misotheist finest in this conversation:

Solas: You seem troubled, Seeker. Still plagued by thoughts of your order?Cassandra: I… am reminded of what I was told following my vigil. They said my abilities were a gift from the Maker, a reward for my faith and dedication. But it was a trick, wasn’t it? A ritual no different that the Harrowing, simply magic…Solas: Do you know how rare spirits of faith are? How difficult it is to draw them to this world? You should be proud, having accomplished something so remarkable, not ashamed it was not what you thought.Cassandra: Thank you, Solas. That… does make me feel better.Solas: Your faith does you credit, Cassandra. I hope your Maker is worthy.

he’s well-aware that cassandra is resolute and uncorrupt, capable of fixing what went wrong with the seekers (even if he is cynical about the inevitable degradation of any organisation). i really don’t know how you read their dialogue and think solas didn’t deeply connect with her in ways that shaped him regardless of his relationship with the inquisitor.

now iron bull is someone whose relationship with solas varies wildly depending on the inquisitor’s choices, and another character whose choice is undercut by the realities of a choice-based narrative. if the chargers are sacrificed they’re under no circumstances friendly, ableit solas seems to pity him in that case. otherwise, solas engages with bull in a way other characters don’t. but to be fair to them, i think solas understands better than any other party member what it’s like to lose your culture and home to help the people you love. through their conversations before his pq– which often got very heated, possibly the angriest solas gets in banter– solas listened and learned and kind of sussed out what bull’s fears were, what was keeping him in the qun. and like, i also think solas has a lot of experience knowing what ppl who are trying to pry themselves out of a toxic religion are also dealing with? what i’m getting at is iron bull imo reminds solas of the elves who fought the evanuris, people who had doubts about the societies they were raised in and broke from it, but still carried the damage it did to them. and he takes steps to reassure bull that “madness” isn’t something he ought to fear, b/c he isn’t a mindless beast but an incredibly intelligent person, capable of playing chess without a board. something that takes considerable practise and was for centuries considered a miracle in our world. there are issues with how solas approaches it, his understanding of the qun is flawed and imperfect, but he literally offers himself as a means of support when bull expresses fear that he’ll “go savage”:

Solas: You have the Inquisition, you have the Inquisitor… and you have me.

and after that i have a hard time imagining that they would never hang out more casually. solas would never be as close to bull as the chargers by any means, and you may not even consider them friends, but again their banter really reflects a significant relationship that would effect him without the inquisitor’s input. assuming they save the chargers, anyway. personally, i consider them friends

i just hit 2000 words and i’m starting to see why i let this sit in my drafts for like a year, so i’ll try to wrap it up. there are other characters i think have an effect on solas despite their relationship having its ups and downs. sera, namely, someone he seems to respect and resent simultaneously, grudgingly admitting he envies her at one point. their relationship is one of the most frustrating in the game but also my favourite due to how similar they are when you get down to it, sera i think on some level reminds him of when he was young, hence why he tries to give her advice. in another world, given time, i think they could’ve been friends, albeit friends who sometimes drive one another up the wall. much of what they say in-game reflects itself– solas talking about organisations degrading, in time, sera saying if you chop off the head of a government another will show up and muck up all the work you did to overthrow the first. they’re both artists, elves who feel disconnected from others of their kind. we don’t get enough of their positive interactions for me to claim they’re friends in-game w/ a straight face. rp wise, however, it’s been one of my favourite things to write, as they navigate a strange not-hostile relationship. also i just adore sera as a character, i wish there wasn’t such a divide between solas and sera fans b/c they both parallel and contrast w/ one another really well.

for one final note i do want to talk about specifically my solas interpretation, the relationships i either hc he’s built or he’s built through roleplay. my solas had a part to play in the rebuilding of skyhold alongside freed circle mages, teaching them practical magic they were denied learning in the circle and becoming something of a role model (god help them) for the more radical mages. solas served with the inquisition for a year in canon, three years in my canon. once he works past the haze of how wrong the veiled world feels i can’t believe solas, who constantly tells the histories of people– real people– whose stories he felt were important enough to remember and retell, even seemingly insignificant ones about baking bread or seeing sunlight for the first time, would connect with precisely none of the people around him on a personal level. not when we see his ability to do just that in-game, even with people without a mark on their hand.

tl;dr give solas friends. remember your inquisitor is not the be-all and end-all of his life and that he’s had 1000s of years to forge relationships with people who have just as much as an impact on him, and his time with the inquisition is no different. i don’t doubt all of us have hcs about how the companions have changed our inquisitor’s life, for better or worse, so i can’t see why it’d be any different for the companions. solas included

#( asks ) #( headcanons ) #( solas meta ) #( long post ) #[ this is technically from ages ago but since i've been doing meta... ] #he calls himself Pride ( about ) #how we fought against the tide ( inquisition ) #a pain you can't heal ( cole ) #bring them peace with worlds between pages ( varric ) #she declares this world real ( cassandra ) #the healer has the bloodiest hands ( blackwall ) #a man who made a choice ( iron bull ) #speak ill of no man and all the good she knows of everybody ( josephine ) #[ i didn't get to talk about viv or dorian or leliana (who he also never speaks to but regardless i have hcs) #but like last i looked i was going on 3000 so i had to stop myself ]

[karmanticmoved]

1-85 uwu

j esus okay

1. describe yourself.

uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.

3. do you have siblings?

the one thats still alive is my half brother

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?

orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio

5. favorite color.

yellow, pink, or blue.

6. what kind of music do you listen to?

almost anything. whatever catches my interest.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)

forgot what i said last time but those

yellow carnations i think?

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?

maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk

9. favorite childhood memory.

my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.

10. have you ever been cheated on?

i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?

big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.

12. favorite animal.

river otter

13. what was the last photo you took of?

cat

14. do you believe in soul mates?

i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?

over is the one thats socially acceptable right

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.

18. guilty pressures?

im assuming thats meant to be pleasures

umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t

20. something most people don’t know about you.

i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.

not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.

22. do you believe aliens exist?

sure.

23. what was your last google search?

other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.

25. would you relocate for love?

honestly yeah

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.

27. favorite book.

favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta

favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

introvert by far

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts

30. top 5 favorite movies.

in no particular order

little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

no

32. what is your greatest fear?

definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

im baby

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing

35. do you believe in ghosts?

not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!

37. should you split the dinner bill?

i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.

38. are you a good liar?

most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so

39. what keeps you up at night?

depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends

41. do you believe in god?

what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.

no. i don't.

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper

43. what’s something that offends you?

when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway

44. favorite food

i hate myself whenever i eat food

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee

46. when do you feel the most confident?

never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.

47. what do you do in your free time?

sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.

50. did/do you play sports in school?

i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.

51. when are you happiest?

talkin 2 jay prolly

52. coffee or tea?

tea

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me

55. what is your favorite season, why?

fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.

56. what makes you laugh?

stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn

57. are you a clean or messy person?

a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

communication communication communicati

talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.

59. what was your upcoming like?

if thats supposed to be upbringing

idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.

60. favorite holiday?

any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty

63. favorite outdoor activity.

frisbee

64. how are you? honestly.

not great. i want highschool to end.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.

67. favorite type of candy?

none

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

i can and will do arson, an autobiography

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

im mostly the one having the weird conversations

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides

74. what do you like to cook?

whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

really pretty tropical fish

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

heart at first but my head if things get bad

78. what is your favorite quote?

"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"

or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.

this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao

80. what’s your love language?

sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.

81. do you ever feel alone?

oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks

82. ever been bullied?

yeah

83. are you usually early or late?

late bc of my parents rip

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

drawing, or writing. also theater.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.

id like to know more about forensics tho

#asks #long post #friends

[mercelium]

1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 12, 14, 15, 18, 22, 23, 24, 25, 33, 39, 41, 42, 45, 46, 59, 60, 66, 70, 79, 80, 81, 91, 125, 134, 135

this one’s gonna b a long one so its under read more!

1. When did you both get together?we got together in the beginning of my sr year of undergrad, so sept 2017, but we became official november 28th 2017

2. Who made the first move?he did!! he asked for my number first & kissed me first too :)

3. How long have you been a couple?for almost a yr & four months!

4. How did you first meet?i was walking my dog & looking for boys to give me free beer & he was hanging w his frat bro friends outside playing beer die & i talked w the bunch of them for a while & then dandy pulled me inside the house & in there he sat next to me & we talked all night & played pool & darts :)

12. Which one of you is older? What is the age difference?he’s a year & a month older than me

14. Do you share any of the same hobbies/interests/passions?we both like edm & video games & running!

15. What fictional couples would you compare yourselves to?ooo this is hard hrmm... rn hinata & kenma

18. Describe your relationship using only emoticons.☀️🌕💛🐶🐱

22. What physical traits do you find most attractive about your partner?his pretty blue eyes & curly blonde hair & esp his scruffy beard. oh also his butt duh!!! he has a rly nice one

23. What physical traits does your partner find most attractive about you?my eyes & boobs & legs

24. What personality traits do you find most attractive about your partner?his humor & his logic & his general nerdiness

25. What personality traits does your partner find most attractive about you?hrmm my creativity & kindness

33. Describe your partner’s smile.like sunlight dripping down petals

39. Do you have cute pet names for each other?we call each other babe / baby!! i love when he calls me baby

41. Describe your favourite date so far?one of our very first ones!! we went to a house party & then left & went to the arb & looked @ stars & then skinny dipped & had sex in a river

42. What’s the sweetest thing that your partner’s ever done for you?just generally being there for me when im down / not feeling v happy

45. How do you both like to kiss?it depends on the mood / moment!! i love french kissing him tho

46. How do you both like to cuddle?he likes to be little spoon

59. Fav things to do together on a rainy day?sit inside & play video games!!

60. Fav things to do together on a sunny day?go out for a run or take dandy to the dog park!

66. How would you comfort your partner on a bad day? How would they comfort you?i would rub his back & make him dinner & watch whatever he wants to watchhe comforts me by cuddling with me & telling me soft things

70. Has your relationship changed at all since it first started?oh a heck of a lot!! but change is normal / natural. we’re much stronger & more sure than when we first started

79. Is there a favourite place that you both frequently go to together?the little island right by his apartment! or a coffee shop :)

80. What TV shows do you like to watch together?now we’re watching the future diary!! we also watch blue mountain state & the good place & it’s always sunny in philadelphia & rick & morty & others

81. How do you relax together?we just sit together and chill and cuddle

91. Are you both introverted/extroverted or opposites?i’m introverted but he’s extroverted

125. How did you first reveal to people that you were going out?it honestly just kinda happened / was expected bc we had hung around each other like every day since we first met

134. What do you hope for the future of your relationship?i hope we can continue to both grow and be individually successful and happy & help each other be the best we can be!!

135. If you both got married, what would you want your wedding to be like?omg i rly want a beach wedding!!!! that’s the most i have planned rn but yeah :))

#thank you!!!! #abt #us #shylesbiannerd

[assholemurphy]

i am incredibly sad that i only have like, 1 extra adderall left (i may have to find somewhere to buy more from, since i only get like, enough for the month with my prescription, the only reason i had extras this month is bc it took a week for me to be able to get my prescription filled, so i literally had to go a week w/o adderall and i don’t wanna do that again, ever, it was hell, esp bc i ran out of sudafed, too, that week) bc holy fucking shit am i awake. i’m getting so much done. i took a shower and then highlighted all of the units in my script, which is usually hard to focus on bc it’s so dull, and i got another 15 units done, so i’ve only got like 30 left and i’m still wide awake and focused AF. like, i’m p sure that colors have smells, but also, like, the world is so intense and amazing. i feel fucking fantastic. i kinda wanna go skydiving, but like, not until i get my hw done, ya know?

but i’ve got 30 more units to do, then i’ve gotta make a graph, but after that, i’m done with the project and can move on. depending on how i feel/what time it is when i get that done (bc if it’s past 3:30/4a, i can’t sleep, i’ve got to stay up bc if not, i won’t wake up in time for class, but also, if i still feel this awake, then there’s rly no point to sleeping bc i won’t be able to, anyway) i might sleep, or i might start working on my playwriting assignment (bc that’s due mon @ 2p and i’ve got to write 6 1-min monologues for my characters) and watch the first 30min of shrek: the musical (bc i gotta have that done by fri @ 9a bc we’re watching it in class and that’s where we’re picking up at since the audio wouldn’t work in class, so it’s hw to watch the first 30 of it, but we can watch all of it, if we want, idk if i will, i’ve got too much to do and if i watch all of it, then there’ll be no point of going to class bc i hate rewatching things bc i’ve got a damn near eidetic memory for movies/books and certain other things, depending on how much i’m paying attention, but almost always books/movies unless i find them boring and don’t care abt them, so it would be stupid to watch all of it and then be bored in class), then maybe read some of after the fall (the script i’m pulling my monologue from for acting i) and do the assignment that goes with that (bc it’s due tues @ 9:30a). after that i should do my therapy hw (we’re still working on stuck points and i’ve got like, 5 more sheets, maybe more, to fill out) bc that’ll be due at my next counselling appt, which i think is next week, i’ll have to call them, but it’ll take abt an hour and it’ll emotionally drain me.

i think that’s abt it for hw, tho, but all of that’ll take roughly 9 hours, which means i def won’t be able to do it all tonight, but i can get most of it done if i don’t sleep, which means i’ll have more time for sleep/writing/literally everything else on the weekend. i might even be lucky enough to be able to get drunk. maybe. i’d have to start drinking at like, 3p and stop at like, 6p for it to all be out of my system so i can get to bed by 2/3a. so that’s a maybe. but a nice maybe.

ofc, i’ve got non hw stuff to do, too. i’ve got to make a list of roommate requirements so i can start looking for a new one (i’ve also got to talk to goldilocks to see when she plans to move out, bc like hell am i moving out, all the bills except her half of the lease are in my name and most of the furniture (aside from her personal stuff and the coffee table) is mine and i don’t want to have to move ALL of it out and into a new place, plus it’s her decision to not be roommates, so it’s on her, not me, and i won’t budge, not this time). then i’ve got to get my study/organization binder made so things’ll be easier to keep track of. i’ve got to do some cleaning (taking out the trash, cleaning up my side of the living room (we didn’t divide it, it’s just where the couches are so we stick to our couches most of the time) and the coffee table). then laundry, gotta do laundry, i’m almost out of socks.

ofc, i might have to start on my part of the second part of the group project. i wanna design costumes for the play, if neither of the others is doing that, which i hope they aren’t, bc i don’t know enough abt any of the other elements of production to do something else. but if i have to, i can try to do sound, maybe, that’s my second choice. so, i may have to start on that this weekend. i’ll talk to hurricane bianca and tim the toolman taylor and see what they’re doing for it probs on fri if not tomorrow at rehearsal. then i can start on my part and get it finished ahead of time to prove i’m capable, when i’ve got my shit together and am not having a breakdown every week. then, after i talk to prof j abt what i’m supposed to do for the show (something with finding times for freeze frames and spotlights, which is fun, but i’m worried my comdic timing isn’t the same as everyone else’s bc i’m autistic, so my sense of humor is a bit skewed, ya know? but anyway, prof j specifically told goldilocks (who is stage manager, i’m one of two assistant stage managers) to have me do it, so i’m afraid i’m being set up to fail bc i know nothing abt theatre, rly, and i’m always paranoid abt these things, but i’m also kinda thinking it might be bc she actually thinks i can do it, which sounds unrealistic, but she’s not a mean person, so i’m willing to bet it’s that one. but i need to ask her what all she needs me to do, bc goldilocks has no clue, which was so fucking helpful, what a great stage manager she is (no, srsly, idk if i bitched abt this earlier or not, but she’s absolutely horrible at this shit so far and i can’t stand working under her bc i hate working under incompetent ppl bc i feel it makes me look incompetent, too, if the job isn’t done right, even if it’s not my fault bc i wasn’t in charge and i’m always, always terrified to look stupid or incapable in the eyes of others). so, i’ve got to ask prof j abt what all i need to do bc i’m p sure the advice given to me by the lighting tech (who is apparently a decent stage manager, tho i doubt it, truly, she doesn’t have the personality for it, she’s too pushy and it makes her hard to work with, but that might just be bc i don’t like her as a person, so i’m reserving judgement until i see her in the position) is wrong bc it makes no sense, is way too hard, doesn’t actually help with anything and gives me a headache (bc mapping out the goddamn blocking is impossible when the actors do diff things every fucking night, wtf??? do the same shit, you assholes! but it’s also useless bc it doesn’t tell anyone where the spotlights/freeze frames should be, and blocking isn’t my job, it’s the other asm’s (who i don’t have a nickname for, but will probs have before the end of rehearsal) so why she’s not doing it, idk???) so i’ll ask tomorrow.

so, i’m looking at 9 hours hw now, then 30 min of cleaning, 3 hours of other paperwork shit, and potentially 4 hours of hw and 2 hours of theatre stuff this weekend. which means i can get at least 10 hours of sleep per night and get some writing done, if i finish most of my hw now. i think that’s worth one sleepless night. it rly is. so, here’s to hoping for at least one day off this week.

but if i don’t sleep, i’ll probs crash after rehearsal tomorrow night, unless i can convince my friends to come over and hang out, since they won’t be here this weekend and i kinda need their help making the roommate requirement list bc otherwise it’s just gonna be like ‘can’t leave time on the microwave after they’re done using it’ and ‘must know how to use headphones when others are studying in the living room’ and ‘must not whine when i want to stay in my room and do work instead of being around them 24/7′ (tho, goldilocks doesn’t spend much time with me anymore, which is fine, i guess, but it’s a complete 180 from what she used to do and honestly, i’m offended bc i caved and started staying in the living room and now it just feels weird not being in the living room and idk what to do abt any of this). i need real things, too, like, big concerns that i’ll forget abt when writing it, and i need to know if my requirements are petty or things that aren’t specific to most ppl, just goldilocks. and it’d be nice to hang out with them and shit.

anyway, this is rly long and rambly, but i rly need to vent all of this shit somewhere, it helps me sort my brain out. i don’t actually expect anyone to read it and you can always blacklist my personal tag ‘iz says stuff’ if you don’t want this shit on your dash. but if you do read them, then you’re always welcome to come to my inbox and be like ‘quit bitching and get back to work, dumbass’ or something. 

#text #long post #iz says stuff #i'm gonna get back to work now #after i make a to do list (on paper not on tumblr) #so i can keep track of what i need to do #and then i'm gonna update my planner with what i need to do tomorrow #but then it's back to the units #after i take some fucking ibuprofen for my migraine (idk where my migraine meds are but i might be able to find them tonight) #bc it's coming back with a vengence #i think they're from not sleeping and from stress #i used to get them all the time #some of them were so bad i had to go to the emergency room #i hope they don't get that bad again #it would rly fucking suck bc i don't have a car/can't drive with a migraine anyway and i don't have the money for the emergency room #i think i'll talk to my dr abt it tomorrow #if i can remember to

[woosevks]

h-h-hewwo .. i’m so excited to start plotting with all of you uwu .. i’m steph ( twenty, central tz ) and i’m going to be playing this bub right here, CHA WOOSEOK !! he’s your typical dude’s d00d and full-time hipster kid who wears his acoustic guitar on his back and performs at your local swarmy bars but generally means well FSJDKSK anyways you can find his profile right here and a connections page right here if you’re interested in plotting with this kid so plz like this plot and i’ll slide into your mssgs right away !! :]

└ kim jongin, twenty-four, he/him ┐ this town wouldn’t be complete without cha wooseok wondering around. they’re known as the gregarious and have been living here for six years. i hear they really like long walks on the beach and acoustic melodies but can’t stand the thought of large spiders and being alone forever. their sole purpose? i hear it’s to live life to the fullest, but we’ll see how that goes.

short version ? cha wooseok .. 24 y/o ... musician .. 50% dumb 50% talent i Guess ... kim jongin fc !

there’s not much i can rly tell about him ,

wooseok is actually from busan !! has that heavy busan accent and probably acts like he’s better than anyone else bc of it but that’s probably just he grew up JFLKSJ

born a single child to his mother and father who were both local musicians .. super chill, not really rich nor poor but economically sound, and involved in the community which basically made wooseok super involved into the community as well !!

he was your typical golden boy at home , involved in every kind of sport and you could probably find him hanging out with all his 30945809284 million friends from school or chillin’ on the streets with their rusty skateboards or whatever .. life ain’t bad for lil’ seven year old wooseok tbh .

but i dunno . wooseok started wanting to be like his parents yanno ? since his life was practically surrounded by music and he grew up with music it’s like .. he wanted to go into music . but he wanted ...... so much more than to be the same local musicians than his parents were .

that’s when wooseok knew he wanted to become famous .. he wanted to explore the world .. he wanted his name out there ... wooseok wanted to live life to the fullest ???

by the time wooseok graduated school which full rides to practically any college or uni within reason and thanks to the help of his parents , wooseok packed up his bags and his six string on his back and travelled to seoul / whatever nearby town this roleplay is placed in for college

four years go by , wooseok graduates with a degree in music composition and one thing in his bucket list down :~)

two years after that and wooseok is still struggling with finding a career but he does enjoy what he’s doing now ! which includes doing odd jobs and performing any places like bars , open mic nights at bookstores , etc. and playing whatever he had come up with on his guitar ... maybe like john mayer kind of sound if y’all are interested ?

so YEA .. personality wise , i dunno. so wooseok used to be all like ‘ troy bolton from hms3 ’ kind of type but now he’s just more relaxed you know ? he’s really charming and laid-back , can mostly get along w everyone since he’s really sociable and dependable but he’s also really dumb and naive at times ? he rarely gets mad , kind of a hopeless romantic and soft .. but can be kinda hard too ? ya typical hipster kid basically fajldkfsl i’ll flesh him out better in the future i promise !

if you made it this far into my intro then thank you so much omg .. wooseok is still a new muse for me so im still tryna work out his kinks but i really hope to plot with all of you soon !!! :]

#＆ ┆ ❛ ⧼ I. ⧽ OOC。 #soleintro #tumblr wldnt let me format this post so //; #this is so ugly im so sorry FLKSLF

[sundrenched-smilez]

What sort of world do Strumm and Shiver live in? What race (species?) are they? Do they have magic? Are they native to the world/city/plane they live on? I assume they know each other or are related to each other, if they're new at the same time -- how do they know each other?

What sort of world do Strumm and Shiver live in? 

i want to make this a world where recovery is encouraged. it’s a magical and powerful place, and so many people can do all of these extraordinary things, so why can’t we bring them up when they’re trying to function, to get better? they deserve that chance, and we should give it to them. this is an affectionate world, that teaches love and mercy. it can still have it’s cruel moments, and we’ll explore that thru strumm, but only after the matter, while they’re recovering, and trying to move past what happened. which is why i’m calling it “a delicate tale of recovery” bc i think that these things require a lot of attention, and care. it certainly isn’t an easy road to getting better, but thru the brambles and briers, there is a path, and u can make it thru. 

aside from that, magic is everywhere, it’s a near-constant, and it’s beautiful. people make elaborate shops that r so custom-designed that u recognize them as much as u would a person. no two shops r the same!! like magic, they have their own spin on them. it’s something i’m excited to explore as i flesh out this world. :~))

What race (species?) are they? 

i’m not sure on this yet tbh!! not human, and i think there’s multiple, but that’s something i’ll have to explore. I think that bodies can be shaped depending on what kind of magic they manifest, if it’s powerful enough. there are probably examples of metal Base witches that r made out of metal, in part, or entirely. or by choice!! you embody your magic, and reap what u sow!! there are some ppl who can change parts of their bodies at will, and some that are completely embodying their magic, like plant ppl, or those who have rough earth-skin, and can change the material. this isn’t for sure yet, but is a possibility. maybe corruption from magic is a thing!! we’ll have to see where the story goes :~)) it’s mostly going to focus on recovery as a main theme. i have the first few panels thought out, and then i’m going to play it a bit by ear until i get some time w the characters to hear what they need to go thru, u kno!!

Do they have magic? 

they do!! they have rly diff magic from each other, and i think everyone does, really; some ppl get water manipulation, others can make clay sculptures from mud, and marble from ordinary stone. i like to imagine there’s as many magics as there r ppl. some correlate, but it’s more common that two people will have differing magics than the same, and ofc, even if u get two with the same power, they’ve had different upbringings, so they’ll have different styles and flavor to them. someone who can summon and wield water could use it like a whip, while someone with the same power might summon water-constructs shaped like animals to attack. it’s all about training, and how creative they can get with it!! the more imagination u have, the stronger u are as a witch. witches can have more than one magic, but typically they’re born with one, and then train others under witches’ wings. (sometimes literally)

strumm’s base magic is creation. at its root, their magic can b used to create anything they can imagine. it’s really powerful, but has its setbacks. it takes a lot of focus, and concentration to make something complex. they don’t need to know exactly how things work to make them, but it goes a long way. I think people have a Base, and then their Spin on it. strumm’s Spin is mainly life, but also dreams. their ability to create is typically used to make their thoughts and dreams come to life; whether this be storms coming out of nowhere, candles popping up into existence, or giving ordinary things life. I think they made one of their blankets into a cat, and it eats yarn when it’s getting a little rough for wear to patch itself up. they made a bear for their friend joyce (who i’ll also talk about) that dispenses cough/cold medicine. it also works for situations, sometimes, and they can gently push fate into play. they were thinking of a song all day, and then heard it on the radio; or miss a person, and a few hours later, they run into them/get a message. little things like that. it’s an unreliable way of forecasting, and is a result of their imagination being pretty active. they can’t control it, and honestly they shouldn’t even be able to do these things with creation as their base, but it’s such a strong spin that they can. they can’t super control it yet tho, so it’s more of a subconscious thing when forecasting happens. 

shiver’s base is food control, and her spin is sweets, usually. she can cook really well, and hasn’t ever burnt anything, nor had it undercooked. if she wants to, she can create some foods, but the process can toy with her emotions, depending on what food. so, as a result, she usually sticks to chocolate, and desserts, bc they’re sweet, and that’s something she can live with being. she’s got thermal manipulation over any food she chooses, and can also dictate its form. so she could make a chocolate bar into a cup of hot cocoa if she wanted, and she usually does, bc it’s less work than dispensing it. she’s rly upbeat, comforting, and warm, and a bit of a mess. sometimes she withdraws for a few days to focus on her, and her friends r understanding of this. in dealing w others’ emotions, she tires herself out. she can move food around by concentrating on it, as a form of telekinesis. her favorite to move around is drinks!! they’re a lot of fun, and it’s good practice on maintaining diff forms w/o having to worry abt botching things up. 

joyce!!!! i’ve not thought abt her a lot yet, aside from a few traits, and appeance. they’re like the mom friend, and relentless abt teasing and “calling out” their friends, and joking. if anyone even hints toward being uncomf, she’ll stop immediately, tho. i think they use she/they bc i can’t decide on one. their base is weaponry, and their spin is stained glass and metals. there are many magics that can aid in fighting, and some witches will spar with each other regularly to hone their skills, and compete. joyce loves this. they can make any weapon they think of out of glass or metal, or a mix of the two. her favorite to use is stained glass, bc it’s pretty, and bc it’s a glass cannon!! it’s sharp as hell, and powerful, but breaks in one hit, but since they have manipulation of it, they can just reform it into a different weapon if they want!! the only requisite is that (for now) she has to be holding some of the original piece. so she’s got a pair of earrings that they never take off!! :~)) same goes for metal, but that’s a lot easier not to shatter. but just in case, they have some piercings from a big pole of stainless steel. they’re able to use other materials, but they’re rly protective, and choose to focus on these two. they could make a sword, and once it hits someone else’s weapon/construct, etc., change it into a ball and chain, and trap them. their fighting style is really fluid, as a result. they’re also vry strong bc they metalwork, and like the physical toll of it, and being a bit sore after a job well done, and it helps them wield heavier weapons.  

Are they native to the world/city/plane they live on?

i think there r different worlds, bc that’s so fun, and how could i not do smth space related,, it’s me. joyce is from another planet, pyrrh (like peerh), shiver and strumm live in the same town, but strumm is from a neighboring one. they don’t have guardians, so they take care of themselves. (houses dont cost money!!! in this world!! bc fuck that. there’s just an application process, and it’s all formality, like ok yeah, u want this house?? sure, sure, just dont break it, and also mail us smth once u get settled in ok to make sure ur livin there, so we dont repurpose it or anything) i’ll explore how they travel thru diff worlds at some point!! but atm i’m gonna have 2 think on it.

they all live on the same plane!! one where they can harness the inherent magic of existence to fit their own expressions, their own worlds. there r multiple planes, tho 

I assume they know each other or are related to each other, if they’re new at the same time – how do they know each other?

strumm met joye one rainy afternoon, as they were coming home from grocery shopping, and kept wishing they would get a ride from someone, and joyce, being the sweetheart that they r, had to save this poor thing from being soaked further than they were. strumm was trusting enough to get in their car, and joyce hasn’t left them alone since. gave them their number, name, and a charm to keep them safe, and went “this person is under my protection now, they’re entirely too kind, and i want to see them grow.” n they hit it off and became fast friends. every tuesday, they get coffee, and sometimes hold hands. there’s probably going to b a relationship between them?? but also, platonic handholding is important, and joyce does this with all her friends. joyce loves physical affection, and is a big (very buff) softie, n is expressive abt her feelings.

shiver and strumm r childhood friends!! they met in a park, and napped together when they were 5-6, and started hanging out and showing each other their magic, and bonded over being able to create things!! i think base magic manifests at a very early age, and is developed over the course of several years, and never rly stops growing. they like to eat blue foods together, and will bake all the time, it’s fun!! shiver has blue hair, and grey eyes like rain, and the warmest smile you’ll see. they’re pretty cold all the time, and love curling up under blankets, and will tend to cling to ppl if she’s comf w u. also affectionate, a bit quiet at first, but once she knows u, she’ll go on n on abt life w u, and talk til she’s blue

shiver and joyce met each other thru strumm!! they’re friends, and will talk every so often, but hang out less than they each do w strumm, but they’re getting there!! they’ve had a few sleepovers, n r comf enough to sleep all over each other, n cuddle and watch movies!! im making this a vry affectionate world bc i don’t see enough of it, and i’m going 2 make it more prevalent!!!! joyce made a ceramic mug for shiver as a witching day present once, and it gets a lot of use, it’s shiver’s fav thing that they own. 

witching day is a holiday where u use ur abilities to make gifts for ur loved ones, n spend time w them!! there’s also competitions for fun, and matches that u can fight in, and it’s like a big fair, and everyone gets a paid weekend off. 

this was incredibly helpful in shaping the world a bit, thank u for asking!!! i super appreciate it!! lmk if u have any followups 

#dtor #cassette tapes #strumm #joyce #shiver