#it's also like hard to connect to I guess.... that sort of thing just doesn't happen

[spacedykez]

.

#the otter splashes #gender things #anyways feel free 2 ignore this its just ramblings #gender feels Strange now #i feel like im some sort of genderfluid/genderflux bcz rn i just feel like if i'd been amab i would be chill with that. im chill with bein- #afab though. like i don't particularly Care? if that makes sense? sorta like eh yeah sure im here. dunno what gender i am im just a person #i feel more comfortable with feminine stuff but it feels like it's more because thats what i've always known? #i don't really feel That connected to it though either #i'd rather just be kinda neutral. i like the idea of feminine pronouns but not neccessarily she/her #definitely not Just she/her #but she/her doesn't feel wrong or bad or anything #i just don't want to use ONLY she/her #i guess that's agender? but i don't know im not Always like this #my feelings on it keep Changing and it makes it really hard to figure things out #also like. genderfluid/genderflux are under the trans umbrella and. i don't know if i'm exactly cis but i also don't know that i'd say i'm- #trans? like? i do identify with my agab and i don't have any social dysphoria or anything #its more like. i don't think my gender is fully Female or Just Female but Female isn't wrong? #should i tag this with vent post? its not really a vent post i'm not really that bothered by this at all #more of an Observation

[marriedtobigfoot]

Steve ends up heartbroken, lonely and depressed after season 2. Nancy called him bullshit, even after he ditched all his old friends for her. Billy Hargrove took his spot at the top of the food chain. He can have it, Steve doesn't really want it anymore. But Steve does want to find some sort of connection. Someone to have in his life who isn't an 11 year old kid he barely knows. He tries to go on a date one night, take a nice-seeming girl to a party. He wants to find connection, to kill the loneliness that's been building for months, but just as he's feeling kind of good about things, his date ditches him.

So. He decides to drink his feelings. He gets majorly fucked up, and ends up laying on the ground in the backyard, contemplating how much life seems to hate him.

Only to literally get tripped over by Eddie Munson, who was at this party selling pot and is very confused as to why Steve Harrington is alone on the ground with a bottle of vodka clenched in one hand.

Eddie ends up chatting a little with Steve, nothing substantial, but enough to know that Steve is very very drunk, and also very very sad.

He asks if Steve wants to go back to the party, and Steve staunchly refuses. He doesn't want to be around a bunch of annoyingly happy people.

He asks if Steve needs a ride home, and Steve just kind of shrugs. His parents just left for another trip, so home is kind of depressing right now too. But he doesn't exactly have any other friends he can stay with so. Home it'll have to be.

Only Eddie can *tell* he doesn't really want to go home, though he has no idea why Steve wouldn't want to return to his veritable mansion after a shitty night. The reason doesn't matter much. He offers to let Steve crash at his place. Steve can take the couch, or hell he can stay in Eddie's room if he doesn't mind sharing, that way he wouldn't risk being woken up when Wayne comes home that morning.

And well, Steve agrees. Can't think of any reason not too. Munson has been nice so far, he's got a good easy-going energy that Steve likes. Why not stay the night.

By the time they get to Eddie's, Steve is *slightly* more sober. Not much, but he's slurring his words a little less, and he can walk with only a little help.

Eddie grabs them each a little plate of leftovers, because he has no idea if Steve's eaten at all. It's quiet while they eat, Eddie doesn't push Steve to talk, and Steve isn't sure what to say. Eventually Eddie sets the plates aside and give Steve an easy grin.

"So, do you want the couch, or are you crashing with me?"

Steve thinks about it for a while. He hasn't shared a bed with a guy-friend since he was a kid, and he's heard rumors about Eddie, whispers in the hall about the way he looks at other guys. But...Steve can't really bring himself to care. He's tired, and he really doesn't want to be alone.

"I don't mind sharing."

Eddie sets them both up in his room, letting Steve choose which side of the bed he wants, and they both settle in. There's a respectable distance between the two of them, and Eddie says a quick goodnight to Steve, figures they won't talk and just go right to bed.

Except Steve isn't sober, and he really isn't in a good headspace, so he can't stop himself from blurting things out into the quiet of the dark room.

"Are you really gay?"

Eddie stiffens next to him, he can feel it, he can hear the way that the other boys breath cuts off and he seems to stop breathing all-together.

"It's okay if you are, I'm not going to be an asshole about it, I'm trying not to be that guy anymore. I guess I was just curious."

It's quiet for another beat before Eddie seems to loosen just a little. He starts breathing again at least.

"Yeah I uh- I am. Gay. And if that's weird the couch is still open, I can-"

"It's not weird."

"Okay."

Steve let's himself mull over this confirmation, and then his mouth starts moving again, without his permission.

"Is it lonely? Cause I mean, it's got to be hard to date in Hawkins. People here are shitty. Unless you've got like, a secret boyfriend or something."

"No...no secret boyfriend. It does get a little lonely sometimes. I'm lucky though, I've got my uncle, and my friends are pretty great. That's enough most days."

"What do you do when it's not enough?"

"Hmmm?"

"When your uncle and friends aren't enough, what do you do? To try and...make it better?"

Eddie is quiet again for a long stretch before he shrugs.

"I try to focus on something else. I'll play my guitar or work on a new campaign, read a book. Something to take my mind off it."

"Oh."

Now Steve is the one who seems tense, his jaw is tight and he's got his arms wrapped around himself. His next words come out as a whisper, but Eddie manages to catch them.

"I don't know how to do any of that."

He sounds almost choked, and Eddie is caught off guard. He's never seen Steve Harrington as anything other than solid, as happy. He's the king, after all. He's supposed to be all smiles and great hair. Only...Eddie's noticed that he hasn't hung out with his old friends lately, that he's eaten alone at lunch too many times to be anything other than strange.

"Steve...are you lonely?"

Eddie expects a denial, for Steve to laugh it off and tell Eddie that he's perfectly fine and fulfilled. Or maybe he expects a shrug, a non-answer. What he doesn't expect is the gut-wrenching sob that seems to tear past the other boys lips.

He doesn't expect to turn and see Steve Harrington's face, a scant foot from his, shining with tears.

He panics a little at the sight.

"Fuck- I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be." Steve tries to wipe his eyes, to hide the tremble in his voice. "Not your fault there's something wrong with me."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like I'm broken man, like nobody can stand to be around me. Tommy and Carol hate me now, Nancy- hell even my own parents hate being at home with me for more than a week. It's like I'm repellent or something. Couldn't even get a date to stick around for a whole night."

And Eddie's pretty sure *he* might start crying now. He'd never have expected this much from Steve, all that sadness to come pouring out. It wouldn't have happened if Steve was completely sober. Without thinking, he reaches out.

Eddie puts a hand on Steve's shoulder and waits to see if the touch gets rejected, but Steve seems to lean into him, so he lets his hand linger.

"This probably won't help, but I don't think you're repellent. And that's coming from somebody who your whole group used to torture. I don't know much about you, but I kind of liked having you around tonight."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Steve gives him a tiny smile. His eyes are still wet with tears, and the smile doesn't come close to reaching them. He seems impossibly small here in Eddie's bed.

"I don't know man. I just wish-"

He cuts himself off, apparently deciding his words are too far, but Eddie urges him to keep talking.

"What do you wish Steve?"

"I just wish that... there was somebody out there I could have a future with. Somebody who actually loved me, you know?"

It might be the saddest thing Eddie's ever heard, and he blames that fact for what he does next.

He takes his hand off Steve's shoulders and instead hauls Steve closer to him, fitting the other boy against his chest and wrapping his arms around him. It's a move that might get him decked, but he doesn't think it will. And he'll be damned if he doesn't hug Steve right that second.

He doesn't get hit. Steve tenses for a second, but it's just that one instant before he's melting into the embrace.

Eddie feels more tears falling against his shirt, and he couldn't care less. He keeps Steve close, let's him cry into his chest, runs a hand through that famous mop of hair.

He isn't sure how long it takes for Steve to calm down, but eventually he does. His breathing evens out, and he shivers a little before speaking.

"Thanks man."

And Eddie takes another leap of faith.

"I could be that person, you know."

"What?"

"I mean. You know Im... not straight. It may not be exactly what you're wanting but. I think I could picture a future with you. If you want to, just for tonight...I could be that someone who loves you."

Steve looks at Eddie, like he's a puzzle that he needs to solve, before a other shiver seems to wrack his body.

"Just for tonight?"

It comes out as a whisper, but Eddie hears it all the same.

"Yeah. For tonight Steve."

"I think...I think I'd like that."

Eddie gives him the sweetest smile he can muster, and nods.

"Alright sweetheart."

Eddie isn't exactly sure what it means, to love Steve for the night. After all, Steve is straight. He figures it doesn't matter much though, it's only for a night.

He keeps a hold on Steve, let's him get comfortable tucked against Eddie, and he does what feels natural. He runs a hand up and down Steve's spine, traces shapes into the soft fabric of his shirt. He tangles their legs together, and in a moment of insane bravery he presses a kiss to the top of Steve's head.

He's met with a sigh, full of relief, and figures he's on the right track.

"Just close your eyes Stevie, I've got you."

"Can you tell me about it?"

"Hmmm?"

"The future. You said you could see one. Can you tell me?"

And he asks so carefully, he sounds almost afraid, Eddie can't say no to that.

"Do you want the fantasy future, or the realistic future?"

"The real one."

"Alright then. Well, if I'm not going to be a rich and famous rockstar...I'll probably graduate and get a job somewhere in town. A real job, maybe working on cars or something. I'm good with cars. You'd come over all the time, have dinners with me and with Wayne. You'd have to meet Wayne. And we'd have more nights like this, sleeping close."

Steve let's out a pleased sounding hum, and shifts his face so it's buried even closer in Eddie's neck. He can feel Steve's breath on him.

"We could save up money and get a little place together, somewhere outside Hawkins. I have to stay kind of close, for my uncle, but maybe Indy?"

Steve nods, mutters something about staying close 'just in case'. He sounds like he might fall asleep, so Eddie keeps going.

"We could get an apartment, nothing too fancy. We would get two rooms, so nobody gets suspicious, but we would share a bed most nights. I'd play with my band on weekends, just for fun, and you'd join some little local sports team. I'd make sure to schedule DND nights so that I never miss a single game, even though I don't understand a damn thing about sports. We would come home for holidays, but most of the time it would just be us. I'd take good care of you, make sure you never go more than a few hours without me telling you I love you. I'll show up wherever you're working just to give you a hug and a kiss, and make sure you don't forget it. And I'll annoy the hell out of, but you won't mind too much, because I'll make you happy too."

Eddie can think of more. He can think about so many things. How he could give Steve one of his rings, even if they couldn't legally get married, even if Steve would never want that. Just as another reminder that he's loved. They could take trips together and go out to parties where Steve will never have to worry about getting ditched. Eddie doesn't do things halfway, and he has a hell of an imagination. He could picture them growing old together, if he tried, if he let himself. But this is just for tonight, so he doesn't. Instead he runs a hand through Steve's hair again, and listens to his quiet breathing. He thinks he may have fallen asleep, but he's wrong.

"That sounds nice."

It comes out muffled, spoken into Eddie's neck, but he manages to make it out, and he let's the vibration of it sink into his skin.

*It's only for tonight.*

He has to remind himself, because Steve is just feeling lonely. He doesn't want that future with Eddie, he just wants to feel loved.

But even if it's just pretend, just to help Steve for a few hours, he's okay with that.

Steve may think he's broken, but Eddie thinks he would be easy to love for a long time. Loving him for one night is nothing. He doesn't even have to try.

Tomorrow Steve will wake up sober, and he'll thank Eddie for letting him stay over, and they won't talk about it. Eddie will drive Steve back to his car in silence, and they'll say their goodbyes. They may not talk ever again, they never had before.

But for tonight? Eddie Munson will love Steve Harrington, and Steve? He'll let himself be loved, let himself beleive it. And he'll love Eddie right back.

Just for one night.

And if Steve ever needs it again? Eddie will love him for another night. And Steve will give that love right back. He's got plenty to spare, after all. And there's far worse people he could share it with.

#steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve harrington whump #steve is sad #eddie helps #pre-season 4 #this takes place between seasons 2 and 3 #I wrote this in a fit of insanity while I was supposed to be working #hope yall like it

[theminecraftbee]

"Well hello there Secret Keeper!" Scar says, chipper. "It's a bea-ut-i-ful day today here on the Secret Life server, and I'm here for my daily hearts for winning! I have to say, it is gorgeous today. Really a lot easier to keep the rain away without other players, what with sleeping through the night not being a problem at all! Did you know, by the way, that sleeping and rain are connected? I didn't until recently, but by golly, they sure are! Can you imagine? The world is full of so many strange things."

The Secret Keeper, being a big dumb stone statue, doesn't reply. Scar's beginning to think it's just rude. It sure replies whenever he hits the button, which is the first step in his morning routine these days. He's gotten better at dodging damage, really, even with the nearly infinite hearts! He's just not so good at dodging skeletons and creepers and such that he shouldn't top off every day.

He hits the button. He feels his health return to him. He gets a new task: Win Secret Life.

He snorts, a little bitter, to himself as he reads it and folds it into his pocket. "You know, I don't know if I'm lucky or unlucky that you're such a moron that you don't know what winning means. Your machine is broken."

No response, again, because the Secret Keeper is, as established, a big old dumb rock. Well, whatever. Besides, if he lingers on resentment and upset for too long, it might catch up with him! He's certainly let it catch up with him before. Why, a few days after he'd won, when he really had it sink in that he was for-real alone on a server covered in lightning burn marks and blood, he had a bit of a breakdown! There was sobbing, screaming, yelling at the world, the whole works! And when no one responded then, well--

"Did I just call you a moron? I'm sorry, I didn't mean that!" Scar says. "You know how I get sometimes. The world is beautiful and warm, but sometimes it gets a little hard to breathe around here! Now, where were we... oh, right! The trading post terraforming project! Now, we hit a bit of a snag the other day, what with the wandering traders I'd caught all sort of--dying--and all that, but luckily, more of them might show up any moment, and they really are vital to making the place feel alive and breathing. So today we're taking a break from that to build up some trees!"

He waves his arms like someone is listening. He'd like to imagine someone is. Grian told him he won--just because all the ghosts are quiet now doesn't mean they aren't there! And if that was a moment of temporary insanity, well, he probably--he needs to think it's not, is the thing! He absolutely needs to think it's not.

He hums and gathers more logs. His makeshift tree farms are pretty nice, if he does say so himself. He pauses as he hears distant howling and sighs. "I guess we will also be spending today cleaning up the wolf population! I swear, I have no idea what those people were thinking making a wolf spawner. A man takes a nap for a day and then the entire server is overrun with stupid white animals! And you know, I do hate having to cull the things, but, well, you know me. I've learned how to kill pretty well, I think, and really, dogs are easier to kill than people."

He grabs a sword from his chest and sharpens it. He keeps it perfectly clean so that there isn't too much blood on it. Good thing, too; most of the blood would probably be his. He's a bit clumsy, after all. He cuts his fingers on it all the time. No matter how well he bandages up his hands, he just keeps making them bleed, drip, drip, dripping blood on every path he walks down. No matter how hard he works to clean up his massive building projects, the little splatters of blood follow him, so he's sticking to dark colors where he can.

The flowers will probably show the blood, he thinks. The flowers and trees he's building. Hopefully, the blood doesn't stand out too much. It feels wrong, in a world where there are no bodies.

He stands up. He heads in the direction of today's pack of unwanted pests. He sighs. "You know, I know your question is, well gosh, Scar! All the previous winners died. When are you going to finish it off and kill yourself? And wow, that's a pretty dark question. You should be ashamed of yourself for asking, really." He laughs. It's not funny. Who cares.

Instead, he shakes his head.

"And, well, you have to understand. I'm not done building yet! I can make my base so much nicer looking! And besides, you're still handing me hearts. If I get hurt, I can just come back and get more from you! If you want to die, you have to kill me yourself. You fucking cowards!"

No response.

He sighs. "Well, that's enough of that for today. Sorry, I'm feeling kind of morose. It's all this sunshine! Can't be good for a man. Did you know populated servers rain more often than unpopulated ones? It's true! It's because people don't sleep enough. But here I am, getting all the sleep I need. Now, time to go kill some dogs and build some trees! I can't think of a better way to spend an afternoon, can you?"

His hands hurt. He ignores it. He ignores a lot of hurt, these days. It's not like it's hard.

#secret life smp #goodtimeswithscar #a bee fic #implied/referenced suicide #implied/referenced self harm #SO UH. HOW ABOUT THAT SCAR NOT DYING IN THE END NONSENSE HUH. #trying to write this all very much in scar's voice was fun. dark premise. goofy guy. result: this. #also i DO love occasionally giving a character who otherwise wouldn't exactly ONE precision swear-word. very fun.

[navstuffs]

two weeks

Pairing: leon kennedy x gn!reader

Summary: "give me two weeks, you won't recognize her."

Warnings: songfic, SMUT SO MINORS DNI, sort sub!leon, confident reader

Author's Notes: if you know this song, you already know what's coming ;) this fanfic is also an ode to my queen fka twigs (so you can imagine the pressure i felt writing this lol). leon is also very lucky with me; first sade and now fka twigs? he is a lucky motherfucker man. enjoy your reading!

my leon's masterlist

"I know it hurts, you know I'd quench that thirst

(I can treat you better than her)

You say you're lonely, I say you'll think about it"

Like most things in your life, it doesn't start the "right" way. Yes, there is a date, but never a proper second or maybe third date, then a kiss. And at a particular stage of life, you didn't think you could seduce or date anyone. Even more so, your partner and friend Leon S. Kennedy. You had lost your touch or never really had one. And he was clearly in love with somebody else.

You had to hear about it occasionally if you decided to join him to drink. It bothered you more than it should, but you could do nothing about it.

And Leon Kennedy had the tendency to only "flirt" as a joke, anyway. 

The smiles, the flirty smiles in your direction. They started here and there, just a tiny detail you didn't think much of, figuring it was just Leon being Leon. Then, the flirting. As if you could call it flirting, the man straight invited you to dinner after you two almost died in the hands of a B.O.W.

Leon's priceless face, when you accept it, makes everything almost all worth it.

"Higher than a motherfucker, dreaming of you as my lover

Flying like a streamer, thinking of new ways to do each other"

Leon is unsure during dinner. You watch his eyes wander around the restaurant, never looking straight at your face. The menu has confusing names with food you have never heard of. Leon had chosen a fancy place he clearly never went, and also somewhere he wasn't comfortable. 

Later, after eating what you think was a snail with a weird tomato, you question why he brought you here. Leon mumbles he never thought you would accept it.

"Why?"

"I guess because you know...my situation."

"I know it hurts, you know I'd put you first

(I can fuck you better than her)"

Ada Wong? Oh, you knew their situation pretty well. You have heard more than once, actually: she and Leon seem to be connected to each other with a certain tension that never seems to die down over the years. This doesn't frighten you; you never ran away from a challenge. You preferred the harder ones anyway.

You wouldn't be stealing Leon from her since he was never his. And even if he was, it didn't matter.

"It doesn't really matter," You conclude, finishing your drink.

"Why not?"

"Because you could be mine at the end. We can't risk that."

The smile Leon gives you is all the answer you need.

"Feel your body closing, I can rip it open

Suck me up, I'm healing for the shit you're dealing"

You are bad, Leon realizes, really bad. It is the way you make him feel pleasure, the way look at him, fierce and daring, as if he is the only one for you. It makes him feel special, unique, like Ada never could. Not because she didn't want to but.

"Hey, eyes on me, Leon."

Your authoritative voice calls him back, and Leon feels a chill. He had only seen you concentrated like this during missions. Looking deadly and calm, Leon Kennedy is your target now. Leon shouldn't have invited you to his apartment, but he was curious. Curious to see how further you could actually go.

How you would make him yours.

It could be enough, Leon thinks, his hand pushing your head down into his hard cock. He likes to watch you suffocate and how good your lips are around his dick, your mouth wet and slippery, perfect for him.

After falling into bed, exhausted, Leon confesses, his face hidden by his sweaty hair.

"This...could work."

You smirk back. You could work with that.

"Smoke on your skin to get those pretty eyes rolling

My thighs are apart for when you're ready to breathe in"

You don't call Leon the next day. Or the other. He calls you on Monday night after a full day of behaving like nothing happened during the weekend as if you two remained just good co-workers.

He comes by your house, and you imagine he will want to finish everything. It would be typical of Leon to get afraid if someone got too close. Leon would apologize and argue it was all a mistake. His kiss as soon as you open the door silences your internal doubts. Leon Kennedy is there, and he wants you.

You take him to your bedroom, clothes falling on the way, and you ignore the little emotion you have when he looks so vulnerable under your palms. You suck him again because Leon Kennedy asks for it. It seems someone has gotten addicted to your mouth. 

"So good. Fuck."

You let him moan and tremble in your bed. A bed that you often imagined you would, one day, have Leon for yourself, just for you. His moans fill up the room, and you suspect you will never be able to sleep again without thinking about it.

"Suck me up, I'm healing for the shit you're dealing

High motherfucker, get your mouth open, you know you're mine"

You are at his house now, almost two weeks since this started. Leon has you under him, back against the mattress, legs spread apart. You look a mess, and he loves it. His hands rub your chest, giving your nipple a good squeeze, focusing on moving his hips against you. The way you liked. Oh yeah, Leon Kennedy, in less than two freaking weeks, knows precisely where to hit.

"Shit." He groans, his mouth open with his eyes semi-closed.

He looks sinful. If there was ever some God of sex around or a demon, Leon would be one of his forms used to seduce people. And he is trembling, shaking, panting because of you.

"Leon."

You must remind him to bring himself back and stop teasing you. He looks at you, and his blue eyes darken.

"What do you want? What do you need? You gotta tell me."

Oh, Leon, you think smiling. Still naive about whom exactly was in control there. He forgets sometimes you are as trained as he is. Taking him by surprise, you shift positions, sitting on top of him. Leon's dick goes further inside you, making you both groan.

"You forget Leon, I don't have much patience."

You watch as Leon Kennedy simply collapses in front of your eyes. It had been like this every night you had been together, Leon's expression changing to pure bliss. You think it was nice seeing him like this as you gently grab his face.

"Come on, you know what to do by now."

Leon licks his lips, moaning your name. He raises his hips up with ease, starting to meet your thrusts. You smile, victorious. After you both cum, bodies trembling, you can feel Leon examining your face as his warm hand rubs your cheek gently.

"We could do this if you still want me."

It is adorable how unsure he is still with himself, although his dick was buried deep inside you. As if you hadn't been banging your brains like crazy those last two weeks. But it is the first time he has been truly open.

You lick your lips, whispering.

"I know you aren't mine yet, but..."

"I want to be."

You look into his eyes, looking for any trace of insecurity from Leon. There was none, just the heavy stare of his confession. Leon reminded you of a younger version of himself, one you saw in a picture, his big blue eyes anxious and his face watching you. You knew you were in danger territory now: Leon was letting you in. 

"We could do this" Your voice sounds vulnerable and different from earlier. More emotional "It will be slow. We will take our time. No rush."

"Yes."

Leon Kennedy opens a smile that has you hide your face on his neck. You want more, much more, but for now, this is enough.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x you #leon kennedy smut #leon kennedy fanfic #leon kennedy fanfics #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy imagines #i seriously 100% hope i made justice to my queen fka twigs #CAUSE THIS SONG IS NOT TOO BE MESSED WITH

[willowedwisteria]

⁂~The System~⁂

Summary -> The classic SAGAU plot but with a little something extra!

Note -> Yes, I know, I said I lost interest. But hey, motivation strikes you randomly. This is kind of cult, kind of SAGAU, so...

Chapter 2/Chapter 3

A game. That's what Genshin was. You say "was" because it used to be just a game to you. The memories of grinding endlessly for materials, the excitement bursting in you once you see the golden glow on your screen while wishing, how invested you were in the mountains of lore buried into just one game - that was your connection with the game at first.

Just imagine your inner shock when you found yourself basking in the shade of the massive oak tree planted in Windrise. The sunlight that beamed through the lacing of leaves had awoken you from your sleep, the calm zephyr around you felt almost comforting with the hinting smell of mints and herbs around.

Is this Genshin? You question why you even thought of that. Genshin's just a game! Yet, you could see packs of hillichurls and slimes bouncing around the vicinity.

Before you could accustom yourself to your surroundings in the state of your confusion, the world around you begins to glitch. The windrise tree you laid your back onto suddenly faded. It was pitch black with nothing around you.

The sound of a bell rang once and you saw a blue, floating digital screen appear in front of you. You carefully read the text on it.

Welcome, anomaly.

"Anomaly?" You tapped the screen.

You had appeared out of nowhere. You are not supposed to be here.

"Well, of course. I was just in bed." Another tap on the screen brought you to the following message. Weirdly, you felt like you were actually being observed like you were talking to another person.

You're too... detailed to be simply a glitch. Yet, you also seem... too human.

Who are you?

"I..." No words could form in your mouth, so you had no choice but to force them out. "I'm just a person, I guess. Oh! You can call me (Name)."

...what a straightforward answer. Nevermind. Do you know where you are?

You shake your head. "If you mean this empty space, then no. But, if you're talking about Windrise, then that's a different story."

Windrise, so you do know. Perhaps it would be easier, to be frank with you as well.

Silence suddenly erupts between you and the person using this screen to communicate with you.

What is your relationship with this world?

"I'm a player, Iike anyone else. I guess Genshin is just a way to blow off steam? Or distract me?" The screen doesn't pop up for a while.

Oh... oh! Oh dear, have I been mistreating my visitor?

The space around you begins to glitch out again. Things begin to reappear and you finally see something other than the color black. An ocean of stars gleams above you. Constellations of characters could be spotted if you looked hard enough around the vast mix of purple and blue galaxies.

Multiple blue screens spawn around you, depicting all of the different nations that you've explored.

"Do you feel comfortable?" The sound of a voice reaches your ears and you turn to see this... figure.

They looked exactly like you down to every scar, mole, tattoo, whatever. Yet, they wore different clothing. A veil of stars with a golden headpiece. They wore white, flowy clothing with details of stars with a cape. They clearly don't seem like the average person. It was sort of weird seeing someone that looked identical to you in such... expensive clothing.

"Hello, (Name)." Their voice echoed. It sounded soothing, enough for the tension in your shoulders to let go and cause them to drop. They sat down on a moon-like structure, floating it closer to you.

You felt breathless as if you were completely in awe. Your lips moved in an effort to speak. "H... hello. Who are you?"

They raise their hand to their heart, the ends of their lips curving upwards. "I am the Creator, a divine one so to speak, I am in charge of this system." Putting their hand back down onto their lap, they begin to explain.

"This world, Genshin as you like to call it, is more than just a game despite working like a game. It is a world. I control the system behind it. However, something... unexpected happened - the travelers. I did allow them to travel into my world, but I didn't expect them to lose their powers. However, it was like they had changed, personality-wise.

You were behind it, weren't you?"

You blinked a few times out of confusion, barely absorbing any of the information given to you. It made you feel dizzy.

"The traveler only had one goal, to find their sibling. Yet, they had saved nations, protected people, became a hero, and possibly got attached to Teyvat. It had to be some other being controlling them to help out so much, I don't believe they would have such a sudden... change of heart."

A gust of wind caught you before you fell. You didn't know how to respond to this deity's queries.

"It was you, right? Wasn't it?"

You stood up again, somehow regaining your balance. "Yeah. It was me." It was better to be honest, you had no idea what this... being would do to you. You shivered as their hand hovered over your shoulder, their skin felt icy cold.

"That's a relief."

Your face twisted into confusion? What? Weren't they going to like... delete you? Or what, throw you out of Teyvat? (You would honestly hope for the latter to happen)

"With your work, Teyvat has been more lively and interesting than usual. The people have advanced and changed with your interference and actions. I'm... honestly grateful.

When you first arrived as the traveler, I allowed Amber, Kaeya, and Lisa to be in your control for some time. Whilst there were some... unfortunate accidents happening, I erased their memories of your... miscalculations. You did not seem to have bad intent and you made the characters stronger and formed bonds with them. I did not sense any ill intent."

The deity reaches out their hand to you.

"How about we make an agreement? You continue with these events in your own body and I will protect you from danger. You will advance this world into a better future and you will enjoy this world to the fullest." The deity persuades you.

Despite her tempting tone and the appeal of the offer, you shake your head. "I'm sorry. I have family and friends at home that I can't just... leave behind."

"Family and friends huh?" A frown appears on their face. You're not sure if it's only because you rejecting their offer.

The deity shakes their head in dismay. "I'm sorry to tell you, but you have no way of returning back to your home, at least from what I'm aware of. There are barely any files about you to delete or transfer in this world, you are stuck here."

They continue,

"Even if there were any files of you to make use of, your world probably doesn't work like a game, so there's no way I can transfer or change anything."

It seems like you have no other choice. You can't completely trust this deity, but they still did make an attractive proposal. "How will you protect me?"

The Deity smirks. "You'll pretend to be me. You'll be the creator that's behind it all. The mastermind. The higher power. Most of the characters will be at your service. I'll try to edit the remaining files about you to change your blood color to gold so that they'll believe you. I'll talk to you through the blue screen."

"Why can't you go down and help yourself?"

"I have my hands full with operating the system. Regenerating monsters and bosses, offering treasures to those who pass the domains, and more."

"Then, what happens if the characters still don't believe me?"

"Oh, they will. Don't worry a thing about it at all. So, what do you say? Do we have a deal?" The Deity reaches out their hand to you.

You don't really have much to lose, as long as this deity keeps its promise. You shake their hand. "Deal."

Tag list -> @under-a-starry-night, @yourfaveisblack, @bardisipatos, @callmemeelah, @kithewanderingme, @pale-value, @bamboowritess/@bamboowritess, @uchihaeirin, @karmawonders, @lunavixia, @anfre109, @ly-archives, @zuyoo

#Wisteriawrites #genshin impact #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #cult au genshin impact #cult au genshin #cult au #genshin sagau #sagau #genshin impact sagau #sagau idea #self aware genshin #genshin #genshin self aware au #genshin self aware

[virgobingo]

Hi! I have a question, I hope I can explain myself: how would you describe Gojo on a moral level? I see the majority of the fandom (jjk in general, not just the shipping ones) considers him a good person, but I'd argue he's more on the grey side...and not a light grey. See, I can't really wrap my head around the way he blatantly ignores the fact the Suguru was completely fucked up, to the point that in chap 236 he wishes Suguru was with him before fighting Sukuna and imagining him (adult Suguro, the fucked up one) together with the same students he tried to kill in jjk0. How on earth? If I'm not mistaken Gojo never really says "yeah, Suguru was my friend but he used to be completely different, this is not the Suguru I used to be friends with". He never says Suguru was wrong. He just misses him, even though he was surrounded by people who liked him. At least Shoko clearly doesn't feel any affection towards Suguru. And let's not talk about the way he doesn't really seem concerned about the future of his students in chap 236. What do you think? Just to clarify: I do like Gojo. But I don't share the sentiment of the rest of the fandom: he's not a good person. I guess Nanami was right

i sort of explained how i think gojo sees the matter of suguru before but it's buried in my blog since i don't tag properly so to any one else reading this i might be repeating myself.

to gojo the "suguru he knew in hs" and the "suguru he killed" are one and the same. i don't believe gojo is the type to draw hard lines like the average person since he is "enlightened"— as his name (satoru) suggests. "past" suguru is at his core the same as "future" suguru. to him the person suguru becomes doesn't exist in a vacuum (his path is ultimately a product of their society). in other words, to gojo the distinction lies not in what suguru did, but who suguru is (gojo doesn't conflate actions with the "self"). i think this is how gege, who seems to be an overthinker, looks at the whole thing anyways. the matter doesn't boil down to "good" or "bad".

and the thing is gojo loves suguru at his core (or i choose to interpret it that way anyways). gege frames him as gojo's "one and only friend" for a reason. i think he's the only person who ever really made gojo feel that he was "just like everyone else."

being "liked" by others (and even reciprocating those feelings) doesn't help fill the gap gojo felt from losing suguru. gojo's simply been growing around the loss. i think this diagram explains gojo's sentiments best:

i also don't think that gojo's unconcerned for his students so much as choosing to be an optimist (once more, which aligns with his progressive ideals too),

honestly, there's not much left for gojo to do beyond the grave either.+he really went all out. he didn't exactly roll over and die haha there was a possibility his own hollow purple might kill him but that was a sacrifice he was willing to take to beat sukuna, for his students sake... but also because he was feeling experimental

in any case, if you look at his desires, sukuna wasn't even his priority,

in conclusion: i don't think gojo's a bad person or that nanami even implies that in ch 236 haha i think he's shown to be human (he loves to fight despite everything and he fails to connect with others).

sukuna even calls gojo greedy two chapters later. that's a very human trait. the thing is sukuna is technically right too because despite all gojo's power, wealth, success, and the people who like him— there's only one thing he wanted (geto by his side),

tldr: it's complicated. gojo's doing his best lol hope that makes sense?

#i will notice some horrific typo later #i need to go back and tag things so i can find them ahshsj #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen #jjk 236 #asks #satosugu #i guess

[makerofmadness]

What's with Balloon Boy and the Daycare Attendant?

The Balloon World arcade machine exists, it's in the DA's room and both characters are involved in it. It's probably one of the most cryptic minigames in the FNAF series as a whole, but while we could ponder what exactly it's supposed to mean (maybe I'll do that for all the security breach minigames eventually), the main question I have is this:

WHY Balloon Boy specifically? Why is the minigame about HIM?

Is there a connection between the two characters? Or was it a completely random decision?

Out of nowhere, thinking about Balloon World, I came to a realization:

The Lights.

Balloon Boy's entire gimmick in FNAF 2 was that if he got into your office, he would disable your flashlight and vent lights (...somehow. I know we all make the jokes about him taking the batteries [and then that FNAF 57: Freddy In Space thing in FNAF World said he just straight-up steals your entire flashlight], but you never see the battery icon disappear or appear empty in FNAF 2 itself when he gets into your office. And the vent lights also stop working, so unless they also operate on batteries, then... does he actually take them from you?).

What's the one rule in the daycare?

Keep the lights on.

His mechanic is the antithesis to what Sun wants and exactly what Moon would want. Balloon Boy doesn't keep the lights on. He prevents you from turning them on at all.

(which also makes me kinda sad there wasn't a Glamrock version of BB. Then again, I don't know how exactly he would've uniquely affected like anything. Regardless I am hoping for the day someone in the fandom makes a glamrock bb who is arch-enemies with sun and gets along well with moon skseijdndndnd-)

It feels kinda obvious and I'm guessing I'm not the only person to think about this, but I have never seen anyone else bring this up. Not on YouTube, not on tumblr, nowhere. Maybe if I go looking for it I'll see, but i'm surprised I haven't bumped into anyone else saying this just naturally. I go into the BB tags a LOT, surely SOMEONE would've said something, right? I don't even see it noted in the trivia on the page for the arcade game on the fnaf wiki.

...but is this supposed to mean anything? Or is it just a cute little reference or callback? it's hard to say, especially with how ambiguous the minigame is.

Though I DID think of ONE thing... (possible minor spoilers for Ruin under the cut):

Saw this pointed out in a youtube video that the BB World screen (with Eclipse, who makes their proper debut in Ruin after effectively being foreshadowed by the minigame in SB's base game) can be seen on the ceiling in the DA's room. Which makes sense, obviously, but also take note of the pirate-themed windows in the hallway leading to it.

...now, which character do most of us tend to associate with Balloon Boy? His "tag-team partner," of sorts?

Foxy. The Pirate.

With this, I found that there's more Foxy-related stuff associated with the daycare area than I had previously realized because I had never made any connections before. I mean, Kids' Cove is directly linked to it for god's sake.

Like. I hope i haven't forgotten to mention anything (I've been writing this post over the course of hours 'Cus I had stuff to do in the middle of it all). My brain's kinda starting to fry. But basically: Was Foxy originally meant to be the Daycare Attendant, in-universe? Was there gonna be a Glamrock Balloon Boy with him, like as his first mate or something??? Were they gonna be connected to Fazbear Theater????? (Uh basically Sun/Moon to my knowledge from confirmation in the books and a lot of more subtle implications in-game mainly involving environmental pieces were originally meant to be in the Fazbear Theater as a stage animatronic but got moved to daycare duty instead and being reprogrammed. Which actually explains a lot about them when you think about it-)

Like. Ok I'm forgetting where I was going with this, I'm sorry, but I guess it's food for thought/adds to the weird connections between DA and BB, I guess. Idk. I can't focus that well right now to keep making new ideas.

felt like sharing my interpretation of the Balloon World minigame itself at least since earlier I did kinda finally get it down concretely:

I kinda developed a theory that Eclipse is Sun/Moon's "safe mode" and that rebooting DA reactivated Eclipse as a result. Like, they're their own AI that was at one point implemented. but then Vanny happened and locked them out thanks to the whole Glitchtrap virus thing (albeit it only seemed to reach Moon, while Sun remains seemingly unaffected. Guessing it's because they're different AIs [finally implied/basically confirmed by their Ruin dialogue). Eclipse has seemingly not been active for some time, or at least never post-pizzaplex closure, given how they're seemingly completely oblivious to the fact that this place is closed with no signs of opening.

So the minigame was foreshadowing Eclipse's existence and implying their "trapped" nature, which also could be seen as paralleling Vanessa's whole "Vanny" situation, especially given how iirc one of the messages related to princess quest can be found near the arcade machine.

#This post kinda crumbled toward the end but I hope it's still interesting enough :'3 #fnaf #fnaf sb #fnaf ruin #fnaf eclipse #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #daycare attendant #balloon boy

[hajihiko]

do you have headcanon godtiers for any of your little guys

You know'nt what you started BOY DO I

Akane: I started with her because I think she eludes a lot of what the classpects do or are. She definitely has a lot of heart, but I don't think she's as toed in with romance and souls/the self as Heart is. She would forego using a strife specibus, as Void players do, but she doesn't really have anything else going on with Void. I settled on.... Page of Mind. Hear me out! Pages start out as particularly unimpressive, but later on absolutely explode with power. Akane is, for the lack of a better way to put it, not exactly big on thinking. She would seem particularly unsuited for her class until you realize she bypasses the actual thinking part usually associated with Mind, and goes straight into core instinct and core knowledge- her danger sense and ability to just. Move on from stuff. A Mind player might be prone to overthinking, but not her! She just sort of knows exactly what's up and flips the whole planning thing on its head. She could also be a destructive class in this, though. Sorry about your booty shorts Akane. Page of Mind, role of the Giver, archetype: Warrior.

Sonia: Also a bit difficult, but I settled on Mage of Life. Mages are an understanding class, and Sonia wanted to understand normal Japanese school life and see it for herself. Mages are also notoriously lacking in their own aspect, or it tends to serve them badly- Sollux being nearly fucking unkillable, lacking in Doom, and Meulin having a history of unfortunate romance and being mind controlled (wasnt hat a thing?), lacking in Heart. Both understand their aspect in others, though. Sonia is a kind and understanding person to others, but barely has a life of her own when she's a princess (this would also work for Heart). As for powers, she definitely seems like a healing type, so that fits too. Life players are also usually rich! Mage of Life, role of the Visionary, archetype: Prophet.

Fuyuhiko: I thought of Blood pretty immediately, both because of what it means (connections) and because, yknow. Yakuza, murder, that stuff. I flip flopped a bit between classes, but I think Prince would work pretty well. Prince is a destructive class, either destroying the aspect or destroying with it, and he could fit both. He kills via his connections (Peko and the Yakuza), but he also destroys his chances at connecting with others by acting angry and aloof, and his connections are what constantly put his life in danger. In the end he destroys his strongest connection with Peko, by refusing to play along with her plan, but that births other connections. Connection and bond rebirth in poofy asshole pants! Prince of Blood, role of the Destroyer, archetype: Royalty.

Kazuichi: REALLY HARD ACTUALLY. I stumbled into Heart for him, which I think is probably fine. But class? I guess I'd go with Heir. I'm not sure about the Becoming Aspect thing, I don't see how that fits, but heirs do have something to do with change. Kazuichi tried really, really hard to change himself (change his soul, aka Heart aspect) to be something he's not, and to change Sonia's obvious lack of interest in him. I'd be open to him being one of the classes where the aspects fuck them up, too. As for powers..... manipulation, basically. But in a fantasy power sense. Heir of Heart, role of the Innovator, archetype: Magician.

AND NOW FOR THE JUICY BEST BOY

You know he's gotta be a Hope player. You know it. He's gotta. Also, he's the Ultimate Ultimate and Ultimate Some Guy, and the protag, so he gets to be a master class. Muse of Hope! The ultimate inspiration for others, through the most passive means (just being himself). Muses are also probably tied to martyrdom, or need to die to fully activate their aspect, and he did pretty much die in the Kamukura programme, for the sake of "hope" aka Hope's Peak Academy's agenda. Hell, his super Sayian mode even sort of fits the colour scheme.

As IZURU, however. He flips into being a Lord. Most active class, absolute command over his aspect (which in this case, also means the Talents, since those were lauded as hope things even though they're sorta the opposite). Destroyed Hajime with his own "birth", therefore sealing the martyrdom part. Muses and Lords both also have to do with conducting, similar to how Hajime controls the trials more or less, and Izuru triggered the game's corruption then sat back and watched. Muse and Lord of Hope, role of the Master, archetype: the Conductor.

Additional:

Impostor is way too Void coded to be literally anything else

Sorry, Gundham, but you're not a Lord. Could be a Witch though.

Peko is totally a Knight of Blood (ayo karkat moment)

Nagito can be nothing but Light, with his luck, and a Thief takes from others to use for themselves, which is basically what he does. VRISKA KINNIE

I'm a Muse of Life myself! I actually literally got that on a test. I think it's pretty cool hehe

#talky talky #not an art

[genderkoolaid]

Hi I'm ND and I was wondering about your experiences with religious beliefs? I saw your post and it definitely resonated with the frustration I had engaging in spiritual communities because people are never Normal about it. I guess I'm also wondering how to navigate with discernment regarding spiritualism as someone with intrusive thoughts and other issues, if you feel like you're able to shed some light with your personal experiences of course. Have a good day!! ☀️

So I personally deal with intrusive thoughts, paranoia and delusions, while also being deeply religious & having mystic experience, which as you can imagine can be very stressful! its hard talking to people about that because its so easy for people to just go "oh you're psychotic so you can't be trusted on your experiences."

when it comes to psychotic stuff: for me the #1 thing i keep in mind when it comes to this is learning to not focus on whether a certain experience is "real," but rather if it is helpful. this is one of the things thats been repeated to me many times & its been very helpful keeping in mind. trying to prove whether or not something spiritual is "real" is an absolute mess for the sanest of people (mostly because i think the conflation of spirituality and science as like. opposing forces has done so much damage to how we think about it but anyways). but something solid you can ponder is how a certain belief or practice helps or hurts you. instead of "is x real or am i crazy," ask "how does x affect me? does it make me feel more equipped to deal with life? does it inspire me to connect with others and with myself? is it causing me mental or physical stress/harm? is it causing others harm?" these focus you more on things you can identify immediately. you can also ofc combine this with things like reality checks & secular ways of coping with delusions/paranoia/hallucinations.

as a general rule it's good to take your time with any sort of spiritual/mystical experience and think through it, what you felt, possible causes (spiritual and secular), and what you might do because of it. don't feel the need to rush into anything, it's not a sign of failure to be thorough and contemplative and open to many possible explanations.

additionally, we have this idea in our minds that if something has a spiritual origin it can't have a physical explanation, which is silly to me. even if there is a biochemical explanation for something, that doesn't mean its not a spiritual experience; we are fleshy creatures. there's no reason why our spirituality can't be fleshy too. if someone has hallucinations because of brainweirdness, that doesn't mean they can't ascribe spiritual meaning to them; and it also doesn't mean they have to ascribe spiritual meaning to every hallucination. something something why must our humanity be antithetical to god-or-what-have-you.

on intrusive thoughts: i don't have moral ocd, although i used to have religious compulsions. i don't really anymore because my beliefs/experiences have re-affirmed many times that god-or-what-have-you is not going to get mad at me for not doing x thing Good Enough, and the "does it hurt or help" rubric also helps me remember that the things that help me feel good and healthy are what is best for me spiritually. if you feel scared and stressed and self-hating constantly, that isn't going to make you a better devotee/follower/practitioner, its just going to tear you apart until you can't function.

i saw a post a while ago talking about prayer/meditation when you have ADHD & get distracted by thoughts easily, and i think its helpful for that + disruptive intrusive thoughts: instead of trying to stop thinking them, you can just incorporate them. if you can't stop thinking about a hyperfixation, you can meditate on what interests you and why. if intrusive thoughts won't leave, you can vent about that to god-or-what-have-you.

the thing about mainstream religion/spirituality is that it is by and large made by sane neurotypical people, for them. ND/mad people are either demonized or, sometimes mythologized, but we are always being viewed as outsiders. we haven't been allowed to have spiritual autonomy and create our own intepretations and practices that match our unique ways of thinking and perceiving the world. once you realize this you have to start pointing out where a practice fails you and then take it into your own hands- this is why i have found religion so helpful for me, because i have found/made interpretations that affirm me. if you follow a sacred text, you can reject literalism & that it perfectly reflects the actual words of the divine. you can reject the mainstream interpretations that cater to racism/sexism/homophobia/transphobia/etc. and find new ones or make your own. you can adapt rituals to your needs or make entirely new ones. and once again find other people who are also brainweird and spiritual and talk with them about what they do & believe. god is crazy too etc etc

#i rlly hope this was helpful #i am very passionate abt this topic! #this was very general but if you have more specific questions I'll gladly try to help #m. #ask box

[kimwxler]

I think my biggest problem with Izzy's death (aside, from, you know. Izzy is dead) is that it felt completely disconnected from the rest of the story. So many things in this episode felt like they had branched from an alternate universe season 2, or maybe a planned season 3 and they'd just squeezed the ending to that in. Which may actually be what happened; why they'd think it was a good move, I have no idea.

In the death scene, Izzy said things about needing Blackbeard to exist because it was both of them, that he had been encouraging Blackbeard to exist for years, etc. That's interesting and everything but where is it in the text? You can extrapolate from season 1 that some of this may have been happening, but then instead of expanding on it in season 2 to make Izzy's apology really hit hard, they went in a completely different direction. Season 2 Izzy wasn't preventing Ed from being himself and he didn't seem particularly invested in Blackbeard existing. In episode one, he had been pushed to his limits and tried to get through to Ed as a friend, and when he couldn't try with Ed anymore he focused on protecting the crew and mutinied. Then he spent episodes 4-7 trying to move on and strengthening his bonds with the crew, and only started interacting with Ed at all in the last few episodes. Ed, similarly, has been trying to figure out what he wants and who he wants to be. Where exactly is the emotional impact in Izzy ~finally~ encouraging Ed to just be Ed when the last episode had a scene where Izzy encouraged Ed to follow the feeling he had when he threw his leathers away, and then Ed went off to try and become a fisherman?

Izzy's death representing the death of the Blackbeard role and also the golden age of piracy, etc, is fine I guess. I'm not going to pretend I'd like it but if it had been set up as those arcs driving the season for Ed and Izzy, that's a different story. But looking at what actually happened in Season 2 and the Ed/Izzy arc in it, it was more about grappling with what had happened in the first two episodes. So following from that arc, what does Izzy's death symbolize? Ed being free from accountability and guilt over what he did to Izzy?

Don't get me wrong, that's not what they were going for at all. I actually don't think it symbolized anything and was just (unsuccessful and badly done) emotional manipulation, which is what happens all the time with characters dying. But it really does make Izzy's death far more upsetting, and not in the weirdly enjoyable way that you can love a tragedy. They went so far with Ed's actions in the first two episodes, and at the time I loved it! But it's become clear that OFMD doesn't really have the emotional range to handle a storyline like that. So they just didn't, for the most part.

So now we have a story arc where Izzy got mutilated repeatedly, got shot, got his leg amputated, attempted suicide, started to heal and move on and form meaningful connections outside of Ed while adjusting to his disability, and then dies. While spending his entire death scene apologizing to and reassuring Ed, and while the whole crew he'd been bonding with just sort of stand around looking vaguely sad. And mind you the timeline of this whole season has been like two weeks.

#izzy hands #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #i actually have a lot more to say and some of it is specifically about how much ed's character got screwed over #but this post is long enough already

[elysiumblue]

Pick a card - Good thing that's happening soon 😁

Hi. Here's a general reading providing you message about a good thing that's going to happen soon. I feel that this reading is some sort of news you need to know right now too so maybe it's a mix of two lol.

I did this reading because I felt that my readings here are too intense. However, the messages I got this time is also intense so 💀💀💀 The good news may not sounds that "good" at first, but I'm sure that it's a positive thing that needs to happen to bring positive energy in your life.

Also, it's a general reading, so just take what resonates, and leave the rest behind. Don't force things to fit if it doesn't make any sense for you at all!

👇🏻Pick a color that you felt drawn to👇🏻

And find the corresponding reading for you below!

Pile 1

Oops... some of you may not like this news now. The good thing that is going to happen to you is... you will get out of draining, toxic, or even abusive relationship really soon. It can be all sorts of connections but I can feel its more towards romantic relationships. Although I can feel that some of you probably don't want this to happen, I can see that you already know that something is really off about your relationship. So, if this is not the case for you, then this pile may not be your pile.

The existing relationship makes you feel really stuck and you have no idea how to get rid of it. Although you are suffering right now, some of you may still want to cling onto this connection because you don't want to think about how to deal with the consequences, or even how to escape from this connection. Some of you also make yourself believe that it's better for you to continue tolerating their nasty behaviours. However, no matter how hard you trying to convince yourself that things are working out really fine, some thing will happen unexpectedly and destroy your connection. But I don't really feel that it's that unexpected, as I can see that the negativity has already built up for a long time to the point that it's impossible to continue building.

By getting out of this connection, you will have a lot of time to be alone. It may sounds scary for now, but the time for solitude will actually be a very empowering experience for you. You will realize that you don't have to work that hard to get emotional support from others, as you are capable of taking care of yourself. It will be a transformative experience for you, and you will learn what is true love, as well as how to love yourself after the time of being alone.

Also, to be honest, the connection probably already met a dead end long time ago. You tried lots of method to make things work, but things never worked. I guess that's why some of you decided to be delusional, thinking that things are perfectly fine, in order to cope with the situation. It's really feel like a fucking maze and you are constantly trying to find the way out, but you can't. The event that will happen soon will lead you out of the maze, like literally send you to the exit. You will gain lots of clarity, and able to come up with new ideas, as well as new perspectives, when you get rid of the situation that drains so much of your energy. And I will be sure that you will understand in the future that things are not fine at all right now.

It may be a scary experience as it can be shocking and unexpected. However, I am very sure that the event that's happening in the future is exactly what you need, and what you low key wishing for. It'll bring so much positivity to your life, which will be 100x more than the nasty feeling of experiencing the sudden event at first.

(Despite the title, I really feel that this song is indicating that you have lost yourself for so long. With the event, you will be able to meet yourself again, and it'll feel so good for you.)

(And when I was tidying up the cards for your pile, the 7 of swords showed up. I feel that you will seriously question if the future event is good for you in any way. It may even feel so painful for you to experience the event. However, as the imagery of this card suggests, the event is a necessary step of creating the beautiful artwork that the person is drawing. An incomplete drawing always look ugly, but if you endure the "disgust" from the unfinished artwork, and continue working on it, you will receive a beautiful artwork. Everything will worth it when you see how gorgeous the finished work is.)

Pile 2

I can see that you are worrying about something right now. There's something that you really want to do, but you feel that you lack the skills to do it. However, it won't be like this anymore real soon! I can see there will be a person helping you to make things work in the future. They can be a new person or a person you already know. For some of you, the event may come in the form of a random thought, a random inspiration, or even a random dream that you happen to remember.

The event that is going to happen soon is literally a dream come true. It's really like finding THE missing piece of the puzzle, because I can see that you already have everything for the thing to work, except that one spark to start the engine. Yes, you literally have everything you need right now.

Damn, maybe this reading is the one missing thing you need lol. If you are thinking that you lack the skills, I can see that you actually have the skills you think you're lacking. If it's a new concept or knowledge that you think you're lacking, you actually have that in your head right fucking now.

The major problem you're having right now is that you're worrying too much, and also you have like a millions thoughts floating around in your head right now. You really just need that one spark, that one push to make everything into order, and boom, it's done. No additional thing needed except that one hit. Good luck on the thing you're thinking about because you will succeed.

(Yeah. This is the perfect metaphor. You literally have the whole domino sorted out and all you need is that one single push to make a good show. And that one push will happen soon!)

Pile 3

Bruh. The good news for you is you will receive a blessing in disguise of something you absolutely don't want to happen right now. I can see that you are trying to make some innovations, bringing some new ideas, or suggest some changes. You will face a huge obstacle that prevents you from doing the thing you want to do, or a very clear sign showing that you should stop what you're doing right now. It may even be intimidating or infuriating for you at first, but I am sure that you will thank this event for happening in the future.

Judging from the energy of the reading, it seems that you lack the ability to actually do the thing you want to do. You will probably make a mess if you decide to do it. It's a case that you fucked around and unable to find out, or find out something you absolutely don't want to happen. (Yeah, something that's worse than a huge STOP sign telling you to stop what you're doing right now.)

Besides of the fact that you are not capable of pulling the thing off, I can also see that it's unnecessary to go against the flow for now. I am sorry if it's offending you, but I really don't see any positive outcome from carrying out the things you're thinking about. And I am not the type to deter people either, so I am really expressing my honest opinion, with the energy I read from this reading. You will find things to be 10 times better if you make peace with the current situation, instead of going against it.

(Well, I cannot find a song that's directly pointing out the message of this reading so I just share the last song played while I'm typing this. Also, the next song in the queue is about something burning. I take this as a sign that it'll be really dangerous for you if you proceed with what you're wanting to do, ignoring the big STOP sign.)

#pick a card #general tarot reading #tarot reading #this reading is sponsored by loki

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Ok so here's the fairy tale meta thing based off a lie that I was talking about.

In Dead Apple, there's a flashback scene at Bar Lupin where Dazai explains the concept of apple suicide to Oda, while a track called "Dear Prince" plays in the background. There's a brief mix-up where Oda confuses the story of Snow White for Cinderella - but when I first came up with this, I misremembered what he said (I mixed up... his mix-up...) and thought the line was about Sleeping Beauty.

And I'm so unreasonably annoyed by this because that would've made so much more contextual sense. Why? Because they both involve an awakening. Moreover, there's a few interesting details in the environment of the older tales (I will not be using the Disney versions as the Dead Apple motifs actually connect better with the originals and also because I have never actually seen them... embarrassingly enough) that translate quite nicely to aspects of Dazai's life and bonds.

Specifically, there are some loose parallels to be found with Odasaku and the story of Sleeping Beauty, and Chuuya and the story of Snow White. (Note that this is not intended to be shipping fuel or anything; interpret it however you like, I'm just drawing connections.)

And yeah, I know this is an entire half-baked meta formed around a line that doesn't even exist but please just give it a chance or at least humour me please please please please please

Alright let's get the Cinderella thing out of the way first since I want to at least address it.

Cinderella has its origins in the old Greek story of Rhodopis, which sets up the main aspects of the story we know now: a servant girl from a poor background ascends to royalty through marrying a prince, who searches for her after finding her missing shoe. This doesn't really bear any resemblance to the rest of the movie or any other ongoing themes... unless you want to suggest that maybe Dazai's jumping from one side to the other was something akin to a "shoe-test"; that he was looking for a perfect fit. I think that's quite a stretch though and it's likely this really was just a throwaway line meant to show us Oda's occasional uh... airheadedness. If anyone has any further thoughts on this, I'd love to hear them.

It's a shame, really, because the slip up could've been given more significance and also because as an analyst of sorts it is my sworn duty to pull meaning out of absolutely nothing so I guess I took another step further here and made up my own line to analyze in stupidly excessive detail.

The entire point of this was meant to show how both the stories of Sleeping Beauty and Snow White have a theme of awakening, and so do Dazai's bonds with both Odasaku and Chuuya - they both have a function of "waking him up" in a sense. However, the means of doing so manifest very differently.

So, let's talk about Sleeping Beauty.

Sleeping Beauty has its origins in an old Italian story called Sun, Moon and Talia, which has many of the elements we know today but was uh. A lot darker. And way more non-consensual. The version the more modern story takes its roots from is Perrault's version. Here are the important bits to this analysis: the princess pricks her finger on a spindle out of curiosity, the good fairy puts everyone in the castle to sleep along with her for 100 years so that she will not be alone when she wakes, the prince does not wake her with a kiss but instead she wakes just by his presence and they sit and talk for a long, long time.

So, on to my delusional parallels. Part one: the princess pricks her finger out of curiosity. See, for Dead Apple, we have to rethink this a bit because Dazai brings up the concept of apple suicide, not murder. Of course, this is a parallel to himself and his disregard for his own life, so here we can take it that he did not "prick his finger" out of mere curiosity, but also, likely out of a desire to "sleep".

It's hard for me not to draw a connection between the curiosity aspect of the finger prick and Dazai's curiosity to join the mafia, especially with the next part - where everyone falls asleep as well for the time the princess is asleep. Essentially, no one will age or die. For as long as the princess remains unconscious, the world will not change. And if the princess perhaps, wanted this, then we can infer what is likely a fear of being left. Maybe even a fear of living. Dazai joined the mafia because he was curious if it would have what he sought. Instead, he spent his days trapped in an "oxidizing dream" as he detached further and further both from his humanity and from others. The mafia is already a place where people don't talk to each other openly and we know Dazai was even more unknowable than that - if he doesn't care about himself or others, the dream goes on. He stays asleep, and if he doesn't care, then he doesn't lose anyone - no one truly "dies".

As for the last part, there isn't much to say. Dazai warms up to Odasaku because the man just talks to him. And likes talking to him. And doesn't tell him to stop when he's being really freaking weird. But notably, Odasaku doesn't do much at first to help Dazai "awaken". It's only when he's about to die in his fight against Gide that he realizes he regrets not saying something sooner. Odasaku only has one chance to wake Dazai before he dies and he does it by shattering that dream that he will find what he's looking for. Paradoxically, that hope Dazai held onto was what trapped him in that singular mindset. Oda dies shortly after and the illusion is broken. Dazai wakes up, his world kickstarts where it had previously been stagnant and Dazai greets the sun and tries to live.

See why I'm slightly annoyed this wasn't the line now?

But hey, while we're at it, let's also talk about Snow White because the Dead Apple movie was actually a lot more firm with its connections than I think people realize.

Firstly, I would love people to know that in the original Grimms' fairy tale, Snow White doesn't clean the dwarves' house but in fact burgles it, eating their food, drinking their wine and falling asleep in one of their beds after testing each one, and generally leaving the house in complete disarray. Yeah. Not related to my point at all, but this sounds an awful lot like something Dazai would do (but more out of mischief than naivete of course).

Here's the important part though: Did you know that the Queen attempted to have Snow White killed not just once, but three times? The first two times, the dwarves were the ones to save her and quite quickly - they made a deal after she broke into their house that she would fix it up for them and maintain it in exchange for her staying with them in safety. It's an agreement of sorts, but as they became fond of her, they try and save her life in earnest. The poisoned apple is actually the third attempt to kill her, where the Queen bites into the white, non-poisoned part of the apple and Snow White, thinking it safe, eats the red half and falls asleep.

Hey. Remember the colour of the pill Dazai took in Dead Apple?

Yeah, someone on that team knows the original fairy tale.

Interestingly (and this is where I got really excited), there are three different attempts to kill Snow White (or, if Dazai is to be believed, three different attempts at her own self-destruction) - and there are three different instances where Chuuya "wakes" Dazai, twice while they're partnered (when they have an "agreement", terms in a sense as partners), and once in Dead Apple.

The first is in Fifteen, the infamous scene where Dazai shoots the body and Chuuya snaps him out of it by wrenching the gun out of his hands. I'm honestly a bit too tired to go super into that scene right now but I'm doing a little bit on it later - all that needs to be acknowledged here is that Dazai was out of it and Chuuya forced him back to earth. The second occurs during the Dragon's Head Conflict when Dazai is completely insensitive to the death of a mafia executive and Chuuya decks him for it. The now-infamous line "no one would believe that" is often misinterpreted I think. Chuuya says this in response to Dazai's "I'm human, too, you know." He's not saying "you're not human", he's saying "you are human but no one would believe that with the kind of shit you're saying and doing". It's the same kind of sentiment in the first scene where Chuuya intervenes, I believe. And it is a form of waking, in that Chuuya snaps Dazai out of his more inhumane moments - he basically calls him out and forces him to reevaluate; the epitome of a rude awakening.

Now for the Dead Apple scene proper.

Firstly, let's establish something. They are no longer partners in the mafia. They are even on separate sides. The framing of this changes Chuuya's actions from working with Dazai with occasional call-outs to bring him back to earth, to saving him in what is quite literally a rescue.

In the original myth, again, there is no waking kiss. Instead, in this third time, everyone assumes Snow White is really dead, that she will not be coming back. The prince, who happens across her, insists she at least receive a proper burial. But when carrying her coffin, one of them trips and they stumble, which jostles the princess enough that the piece of apple stuck in her throat is dislodged and she coughs it up, reviving. Uh...

Yeah.

Anyways this got kind of messy at the end and idk if it even made sense this is really just unhinged rambling so...

Tldr, Odasaku and Chuuya both help "wake" Dazai even if their methods and personalities are very different, which is part of the reason why both bonds are very important. Neither are particularly gentle with him, but waking, especially if all you want to do is sleep, is not a gentle thing.

#this is barely a meta but if i didn't write this up i felt like i was going to go insane #not my best work by far but i hope it's at least enjoyable #bsd #bsd dead apple #bsd meta #bsd dazai #bsd odasaku #bsd chuuya #do i tag with the ship names? sure ig #odazai #soukoku #skk #storyrambles #<-last tag is appropriate story has rambled for too long on this. a meta based on a line that doesn't even exist

[innitmarvellous]

So I read some books about aro & ace identities recently, because while I am quite sure that I'm ace and probably even aroace, I'm still struggling a lot with the ramifications of this discovery about myself, even though I first noticed this about myself a few years ago.

That's why I tried to make myself feel better by reading these books in the hope that it might be helpful in any way...and that's also why I took some notes about things that always bugged me in some way, both while reading the books and before that. (I'm not done with the books, but I already noticed enough recurring issues for a whole post.)

First, I really would like to feel at least sort of good about it. It doesn't have to be pride, just some sense of it being alright. I know that's not a prerequisite, but I don't want to feel unhappy and uneasy all the time just because of my identity :/

And there are some things I like about it. For example, having found a name and explanation for whatever is going on with me was undoubtedly nice, and I like the fact that the community seems to be very open to people identifying as ace or aro no matter where they exactly are on the spectrum. Well, there are always the exclusionists, but that's technically the consensus and I like that.

Still, there is this unpleasant feeling that doesn't seem to go away. The fact that there is something I will never understand and never experience - despite desperately wanting to. I guess that is the problem if something just isn't there, and that's just so hard to accept. Like, other people also might struggle with their orientation, but at least they do have the option to find someone who feels the same and will enter a relationship with them - while this is entirely impossible for me. And I think that's where I struggle the most, honestly. Knowing that there is no way to get the thing I want with my logical mind, because my feelings won't allow me to - and thus people on the outside won't consider me as 'relationship material' in any form since I'm lacking something crucial. And yes, I entirely understand that this would make people avoid me when it comes to relationships. After all I could never give them the thing they would expect from a relationship and it would be unfair towards them if I entered a relationship while being unable to do so. But it really doesn't make it hurt any less, and it definitely doesn't make me feel good about myself. There is something missing about me, that's just an undeniable fact and it reduces my worth in the eyes of others. Is that fair? Maybe not - I can't say, as I can't see things from their perspective - but it just is how things are. But it is very, very hard to accept.

Oh, and there is another thing that keeps being mentioned: namely that relationships without sex or of course also even fully platonic relationships are possible. But honestly? That doesn't really comfort me at all :') Because...I wasn't even nice and attractive (in both a physical and personality sense) - and whatever else - enough for a "normal" relationship, so it feels downright illusory to tell myself that someone will accept me despite my "defects" (if that's what I'll call them in this context, since that would be an allo person's view in most cases, I assume) and agree to have whatever kind of deeper relationship with me. That sounds like such a nice dream, and yet that's all it is and will remain: a dream. It's simply impossible, and that just feels bad. Because I would want to have closer connections to people, but I can't. Idk, but that is a bit cruel, especially as it isn't exactly my fault because of a choice I made.

I also feel kind of uncomfortable identifying myself as queer or part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I'd like to, but idk, I fear I wouldn't really be welcome in most queer spaces since I used to think I was heterosexual before I came across the terms ace and aro. Also, I was never oppressed due to my identity and had technically no trouble to pass as more or less some kind of straight allo late bloomer, so idk... And well, I see why my constant talking about some fictional/celeb mancrush I've got might make people think that I'm a liar and just pretend to be aro or ace for attention or other reasons. In fact, the exact same thing happened to me when a guy fell in love with me and I was forced to tell him about probably being ace. He didn't believe it because "I was always crushing on anime guys" and basically accused me of deliberately leading him on and it wasn't pleasant :/ (But I can't help it...I mean, a celeb crush doesn't require me to act on anything! I just find a guy attractive in whatever shape or form and it makes me happy to have my silly little daydreams about him and whatever. But it doesn't necessarily mean I graphically dream of fucking him, despite what I might jokingly say.) Anyway, I think it would be useful if I could confidently use the term queer for myself because idk, it would make things easier. As in, I'm definitely not "normal" aka not the standard straight cis person I once believed to be, but yeah...I still doubt that I would be allowed to call myself queer. I'm too different to be considered normal and too normal to be considered queer, I guess. So I'm sure people wouldn't be too happy about me pushing into their communities. Falling between the chairs again :')

Maybe all of my doubts and all that stuff...it's not so surprising, though. I mean, I kind of assume that most people wouldn't be too happy at the prospect of lifelong solitude and loneliness, without any chance to form deeper bonds with other people. Or maybe it's just me, who knows. It definitely scares the hell out of me and I hate it so, so much. And well, that makes it so difficult to make peace with this annoying sexual/romantic orientation of mine. (I would change it if I could...but alas we all know that's impossible.) I don't know what I exactly expected, but I surely didn't sign up to a rather sad lonely life of unhappiness and yet that is exactly what I will get :/ Another thing that is very hard to accept, and I genuinely wonder how other people managed to deal with that... I know accepting it and facing that truth is the only possible way, but yeah...I still can't bring myself to feel good about this. I mean, I've been lonely for my entire life, so I don't know...maybe I just hoped this would change at some point in the future and finding out that this will never happen now is kind of soul-crushing, honestly.

Lastly, I know that this is mostly a lengthy and overly personal rant post, so maybe no one has even read until here. But if someone did and feels like commenting, then I would really appreciate that, because...I still don't really feel fully enlightened on how I'm supposed to feel now. Maybe talking to actual people would help, but who knows. Again, I'd appreciate it if anyone wants to share their thoughts (my DMs are also open btw), although I'm aware that a random Tumblr post probably isn't the best way to solve my problem. ^^

#aspec #aroace #acespec #arospec #asexuality #aromanticism #asexual #lgbtqia #queer #(idk i just tag it as such now 💦) #i'm sorry that this isn't a very cheerful/joyful post but idk just felt i had to put some things into words...

[yanderes-galore]

OKAY FINAL REQUEST FOR NOW FROM ME. yandere Bro Strider headcanons? Reader is either a teacher of Dave's or his doctor from a callout appointment, either way someone Dave holds at a high regard in a sense, for how Bro would meet them perhaps. I feel like Bro could be a bit of an unstable yandere, like really nice at times but can be suddenly really mean and uncaring of their own comfort at others. I still want to kiss him though ):

Oooo, Bro content? I can try my hand at this >:D Sorry if he came off too harsh, I was trying to keep it from being OOC I guess.

Yandere! Bro Strider Concept

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Mentions of child neglect because Homestuck canon, Manipulation, Stalking, Kidnapping, Violence, Murder implied, Forced companionship, Blood.

I'm going to start this off by saying in canon Bro is definitely a horrible parent/brother/guardian.

He isn't the most empathetic person and sees taking care of Dave as some sort of game, usually being overly harsh to prepare him for something.

Bro is very monotone and quiet most of the time.

He plays mind games and is unusually fast and stealthy.

However, even though Bro teaches Dave through harsh methods (such as physical violence and neglect....), he most likely cares for him somewhat.

Which means Dave no doubt has either a teacher or a doctor he sees for the sake of this concept. Maybe even a babysitter.

This could be where you come in.

Dave no doubt ends up attached to you due to the contrast between you and Bro.

You're nicer, keep him fed, and don't subject him to painful levels of... irony?

Bro seems like a yandere who'd be hard to read or even tell he has an obsession.

Far as you know he's just Dave's guardian, you don't have any connections beside taking care of Dave.

Wrong.

Bro isn't very vocal about his obsession so it brews while you're unaware.

He's perfectly capable of stalking due to his stealth and no doubt uses Dave against you.

Bro knows you care about Dave and often invites you over for something involving Dave.

Tutoring, Check ups, Extra care...

Things like that.

You don't mind since Dave is such a good kid with you.

I personally see Bro as an unpredictable yet calm yandere.

He's caring towards you at times while at others he may act like you did something wrong.

The biggest thing in this dynamic is the fact Dave is a bargaining chip.

You'll find out how Bro treats him at some point and may feel obligated to watch over the kid.

Which leaves you vulnerable to Bro's tactics of getting you close to him.

It's hard to tell his emotions at times, very similar to his post-scratch self.

He appears platonic but could very well mean romantic.

He isn't the most expressive.

Eye contact doesn't help as he barely removes those glasses of his.

In some strange way Bro cares for you like he does Dave.

He appears a bit blind to if he's hurting someone he cares about though.

For example, he has no issues with kidnapping you or taking a sword to those he hates around you.

He could be covered in blood and expects it to be okay because he did it for you since he cares.

He's not the worst Homestuck yandere but he's pretty bad due to his lack of empathy and tendency to do whatever the hell he wants.

I feel him hurting his darling is partially accidental yet also because he feels he's doing the best for you.

Kidnapping you and locking you in his room is for safety, right?

It's like he's selectively oblivious?

He chooses not to care sometimes when you're in distress.

If anything you're closest to Dave and are scared of the stuff the kid deals with.

I don't want to say everything about Bro is bad though.

Most of it is, don't get me wrong on that.

When he isn't pretending nothing is wrong, he's affectionate.

He holds you, pets your head, tries to make you feel comfortable and wanted.

He even praises how you take care of Dave.

He trains him... you provide care.

Bro's intentions unknown but they appear to be similar to Dirk.

But he's so harsh with it.

Bro's obsession is the definition of tough love.

He feels to protect you and Dave he has to do what he's doing now...

Even if it means neglecting your wants and needs at times for his own selfish interests.

#yandere homestuck x reader #yandere homestuck #yandere bro strider #yandere pre scratch dirk strider

[dandylovesturtles]

Fanfic Writer Ask Game!

🎯 🦈?

🎯 Do you have a writing milestone you’re working towards?

nope. I am at the whims of my inspiration and energy levels.

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

in ROTTMNT I would probably say Mikey. I think it's a little easy to lean too hard into the sort of "sweet little brother" thing that a lot of fandom likes (this isn't meant as a callout, lol, I like it too) and forget that he is canonically a little gremlin who is very silly and sometimes pretty gross (I mean he's a 13 to 15-year-old boy so it tracks).

Also he probably has the least defined character arc of literally every main character in the series (including the supporting cast like April, Splinter, Draxum, and both Caseys). Leo has his struggles with his place and identity within the team as well as his growth as a leader, Donnie has his issues with feeling replaced and directly linking his family "needing" him to his family loving him, Raph is struggling to live up to the expectations of the clan and his role as a big brother, April deals with her struggles connecting with her own peers and her fear that she doesn't count as part of the fam, Splinter has a billion things going on, Draxum has a whole redemption arc (truncated as it was) and Casey Sr effectively does too, and Casey Jr. has grief and trauma. And Mikey... would probably have had a really good character arc if we'd gotten the rest of season 2 and season 3!

A lot of Mikey's episodes where he gets to really get feelsy and show his emotions are directly tied to other people's character development, especially Donnie's and Draxum's, so we don't get as much of what his deal is. The only really solid Mikey centric episode is Hot Soup The Game, which definitely brings up Mikey's frustrations with being the youngest and thus babied as a result, so that's something you can draw on for his character, but even that's more tied directly into what he wants from interactions with other people and less about what he wants for himself.

(the truffle episode is super weird... like Mikey learns not to take his friends for granted? I guess?? I wouldn't have expected him to in the first place but yeah I guess that's some character development lol)

(actually as a total side note, it does annoy me a little that when Todd is first introduced as a character in Season 1, the whole point of his superpower being niceness was that he was so nice you'd do anything for him, and even villains were unable to turn him down, which was a really good gag and made him an interesting character. Then at some point it became that Todd's niceness meant he couldn't turn anyone down and suddenly he was just kind of a doormat, to Mikey first in the truffle episode and then all of them later in Todd Scouts. I actually like the Todd Scouts episode but also you didn't have to do that to him lmao)

(actually actually even though I like Todd Scouts I would have loved a version of that episode where Splinter stayed with them in the woods and then we dealt with how his feelings were hurt by the kids being more interested in their phones than his teaching and they could have pointed out that their dad kind of waited until late in life to start teaching them life skills and IDK WE DIDN'T GET THE FAMILY BONDING CAMPING TRIP WHEN THEY GOT CAUGHT IN THE TURTLE TANK IN SEASON 1, WHY DIDN'T WE GET IT IN SEASON 2??)

cough. anyway.

yeah so I always feel bad that when I look at my AUs and stuff I always feel like I give Mikey the least. I'm so sorry, Mikey, you're just already perfect and I don't know where to take you. ;;

Thanks for the ask!

#writer ask game

[mocksart]

for your borrower au! how is Stanley treated in general before the narrator realizes he is sentient? what's the worst thing the narrator might do to Stanley in this time period? what is the softest moment?

sorry for all the questions, I just love this idea a LOT. g/t stuff is SOOO compelling to me :3

Hey, no worries, I love questions! If you can't tell, I also love this idea a lot lol

It is important to me to make it clear that the narrator is not intentionally cruel. He still sees Stanley as a living being with needs and wants.

Stanley is fed well - mostly seeds and grains due to his mouse-like appearance. This isn't wrong, as mice are also omnivores, though it does get a little boring. So basics like food and water are always available.

Of course, he is kept in a cage.

In my head, it's more akin to the ones rabbits are kept in, rather than mice or rats, but that's mostly due to me being more familiar with rabbits. Also the mental image of metal bars is more compelling to me than the plastic tubs that mice are usually kept in.

Standard bedding situation. It's less comfortable than his pile of fabric scraps at home, but it's not unbearable by any means.

The Narrator has a habit of talking to himself, and this turns into a sort of half-talking to Stanley as well. When he does directly address stanley, though, it's usually because he's frustrated with something Stanley is or is not doing. Plus, as in the game, the man is not above petty insults.

I've thought a bit more on it and I think it might be more fair to say that, rather than not realizing, the narrator can't admit that Stanley is sentient.

Subconsciously, he knows. He can see how smart Stanley is. How Stanley responds to his words. But he can't bring that thought into his conscious mind. Because the man has already done some terribly dehumanizing things to this creature. And admitting that this thing is a person would mean that he's an absolute monster. And he's not! Haha really, guys, he wouldnt do that!

The worst thing he does, especially early on, is leave Stanley alone. At one time, the borrower would have jumped at the opportunity to have some time to himself, just not like this. The basement lab is dark and lonely. Being in this environment for long stretches of time takes a toll on the borrower's mental health.

As time goes on, the Narrator does realize something is wrong. Subject 427 used to have so much more energy. It hardly tries to escape and barely protests when handled. He semi-correctly guesses that 427 needs some kind of enrichment.

He has Stanley for a few months before the borrower manages to escape. Toward the end of that time, he starts bringing Stanley up out of the basement (always in a container of some kind) to show the borrower around and talk to him about his old escapades. (This is where we learn that the narrator is quite well-traveled, and that he no longer leaves the relative safety of his own home.) And there are some genuine moments of connection that happen.

---

Much later on the narrator absolutely mortified by his own past behavior. The man never thought he was capable of causing harm like that, much less unthinkingly.

(He doesn't like to talk about it, a fact that Stanley uses to his advantage sometimes to get what he wants.)

The Narrator works hard to redeem himself as best as he can. He knows there's no way to fully make up for what he's done, but he tries anyway. Because underneath all his issues and traumas and poor coping mechanisms is a person who strives to be better. He wants it so badly. But for a long time it seemed like every time he tried, he just made it worse. So he stopped trying.

Being around another person, especially one who was absolutely not taking his bullshit, reawakened that part of himself that had been buried for so long.

#i love the narrator #hes such a compelling character #and can be taken in so many different directions #im always fascinated to see which parts people focus on when portraying him #sorry i dont have more specific instances of them interacting during this time #most of the stuff i have written is post-escape #this also got so long lmao #the narrator has the emotional intelligence of a rock i swear #and i love talking about it #the stanley parable #tsp #borrower au #asks