#ive been slowly binging it for months …

[mcbride]

after watching 7 whole seasons of Brooklyn 99, and before i start the final season, i can say i’d die for Rose and Captain Holt. i love the Halloween heists and my absolute fav episode is 6.13 the bimbo - i don’t remember ever laughing so hard tbh

#ive been slowly binging it for months … #rosa diaz #raymond holt #holt x kevin #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #about me #hanna.txt

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

Hii! Let me start by saying I've binged most of your Tangerine and Pietro's works and I absolutely loved it 🤌🏻

If you're still accepting requests, could you write for fwb! Tangerine, after you told him that you should be just friends (bc of what he does for a living) but eventually cave in when he gets back from a mission? (mix of smut and fluff if possible).

Thank you <3

hii angel!! tehe yes ive seen you around, and tysm☹️okay I really love this !! thanks for requesting, hope you like it💌

MEET IN THE MIDDLE

tangerine x female reader

wc. 1107

cw. 18+ only!! spoiler alert but he tears readers clothing bc he's a desperate horny mess and it's hot as shit, unprepped and unprotected sex, pinv. mdni

Since you put a cool on your contractual relationship with Tangerine a month ago, you've delved back into that state of solemn longing. Putting an end to many months' worth of great sex wasn't easy - it really wasn't, and as much as you started to fall for the guy, you just couldn't seem to get over what he did for a living. 

No matter how much you pushed down that feeling of unease, you could not get past it.  

That was until ten days ago, when he texted you on a random tuesday, telling you he was leaving for work to South Africa, seeing if you wanted to meet when he returns. Since that text, he's been your every thought - every notion in your mind. 

The idea of him leaving for a dangerous job abroad struck panic and dread within you - the thought of him getting hurt without him knowing how much you really felt about him was something you could not bear to stomach.

After that text, you've been counting off the days until you could see him again, waiting until you get that confirmation he's okay and safe. 

It was finally the day Tangerine returns home from his trip, and it was singularly the only day of happiness you felt since calling things off. You both occasionally texted while he was away, only conversing when he had time to spare, talking about the plan for when he comes back. You settled on your place; he would go home, clean himself up and pop by yours for a casual, friendly night in - like old times.

Your door knocks in that familiar pattern you've grown to know so well, and you immediately rush to answer it - a bright smile as you peek through the gap, looking at Tangerine on the other side with a grin as sincere as yours.

"Oh my god," you gush, instantly wrapping him in a tight hug. You pull away, awkward eyes diverting from his awe-filled ones. "Sorry, sorry— that was too much. It's just..." you breathe, meeting his gaze. "Really good to see you."

"I missed you," he admits, speaking confidently. "But... didn't think you'd actually wanna see me."

Your smile resurfaces, and you pause. That wasn't true - you couldn't wait to see Tangerine again. 

Since you had time to call down during the time apart, you've grown to realise that his job didn't define him as a person and that, at the core of it, it doesn't really matter. He isn't some abhorrent, abusive mercenary - he is someone who loves and cares deeply, someone who is sweet and thoughtful, no matter how hard they pretend they're not.

"Bull," you joke, sweet eyes staying glued to his - like they were taking him all in, seeing him in the flesh for the first time again. "That's not true."

He steps into your house and kicks off his shoes, making himself at home. "No?"

"No," you shake your head, soft yet stern movements as you move to close the door behind him. "Not at all."

You turn around to meet him, though now, he's closed the gap between you by a foot, standing in front of you with his hands itching up towards you, making tentative movements to the sides of your face. 

His gaze remains lidded as he places his palms over either cheek, cupping you in his hands. "You mean that?"

You nod in his hold, murmuring your agreement - far too concerned about the weak sound you'd make if you spoke. 

"Yeah?" he weakly smiles, slowly leaning in towards you. 

"Yeah," you repeat, meeting him in the middle for a kiss, melting into the soft and sweet contact you've since longed for. 

He parts -barely- whispering against your lips. "Good."

His grip on your face firms as he brings you back in, kissing you more urgently this time, as if that little peck wasn't enough to satiate the need. It grows carnal, more desperate - hungrily kissing as he pushes you up against the front door. 

Your hands roam him ever so familiarly, trailing over his stubbly jaw as you hold him to you - keeping him close. You murmur a faint moan into his mouth as you feel him chub up against you, his hardening cock prodding at your lower stomach through his lounge shorts.

"Fuck," he muffles roughly between your lips, slipping a hand behind your neck - fist tightening at the root. 

"Been so long," you whisper, your voice weak as you catch your breath between breaks.

"Too fuckin' long," he adds.

He peels you from the door and walks you backwards into your living room - guiding you to the sofa within his sure hold. He keeps his lips glued to yours as he lays you down on the cushion, hovering atop as he situates himself between your spread thighs.

"Do you like these?" he asks, tugging on your pyjama bottoms.

"Yeah," you hum, snaking your hand between yourselves - reaching for his waistband.

"Alright, I'll buy'ya a new pair," he replies, voice hoarse as he slips himself from your tight grasp, sitting up on his heels. 

He places both large hands between your thighs, meeting at your crotch as he tears a hole in the fabric - giving him perfect access to your pussy.

The motion catches you by surprise, sending a deep shiver down your spine as you peek down between your thighs - seeing the frayed material right by your cunt, looking at the consequence of his desperation. 

Your chest rises and falls heavily, intense, short breaths as you peer up at him, eyes flickering over him in a way that mirrors his own. 

He slides his hand down the front of his shorts, delving into his boxers as he pulls his dick out the waistband, rolling over his length in his palm. His grip slips down to the head of his cock, thumb resting on the upperside as he guides himself towards you - parting your underwear aside with his spare hand. He slowly eases his tip into you, savouring that first initial fluttering stretch of your unprepped pussy, relishing the feeling of you needily swallowing more of him.

He strips from his hoodie and throws it aside, leaning back over you so his chest is flush up against you, hands instinctively cupping your face as he peppers your jaw in quick kisses. 

 "Fuck— I missed you," he murmurs as he slowly begins to roll his hips into you, grinding into you with easy, gentle strokes.

You guys have a lot to catch up on. 

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

#request #tangerine #tangerine x reader #tangerine x you #tangerine bullet train #tangerine smut #tangerine x fem!reader #bullet train tangerine #tangerine fic

[nowandthane]

tagged by @mxanigel to play a get to know you game <3 thank you for tagging me!!

no pressure tags @xoshepard @malabadspice @sillyliterature @sweetmage @menacingmetal <3 <3

ill put these below a cut

Three ships Last song Last film Currently reading Currently craving

three ships: well sarani's polycule (which involves garrus, tali and thane in different dynamics) aka three snipers and a shotgun. they are never not on my mind 😅 and then sarani (faerun version) and shadowheart, which im slowly playing and gosh theyre so good together... and nayima/leliana/alistair <3 its been ages since i worked on them but ive been thinking about them lately. mainly naya and leliana skdjgf im having wlw brainrot rn

last song: another one of those days by cavetown. my younger sibling was just talking about cavetown so yeah xD

last film: i... genuinely cannot remember. i think it was last christmas? the one emilia clarke was in? i think i had a movie night with my friends last month... yeah sorry my memory is not great 😭

currently reading: nothing specific i think? uhhh. a book i was waiting for was just released. ill probably read that soon. its a historical romance. i tend to binge read books for like a month or two and get a lot of reading done and then nothing lmao.

currently craving: this is probably about food but i guess my friends? the two who live on this island with me, theyre the only ones i physically meet and theyve been crazy busy so we havent been meeting as often and i live alone so im getting kinda stir crazy, but my younger sibling is here now and im gonna see them tomorrow hopefully!! <3 <3

#tag games #about me

[raysletters]

2023 Character Wrapped

Rules: share your top 9 characters of 2023

tagged by the lovely @suseagull04 (like, so long ago, but i had forgotten to do it so here i am)

1. Alex Claremont-Díaz (RWRB)

i wish i could explain to you the deep connection i have to this fictional man. he is me and i am him. he probably has been my favorite character since i first found him on 2021 (which is the longest hyperfixation ive ever had, funnily enough) and has actually shaped me to be more confident in myself and all that mushy stuff, so yeah, im just missing a henry kinnie that wants to put up with this mess.

2. Percy Jackson (Riordanverse)

i binge read pjo and hoo these last months, and the way ive become attached to this kid is something else. i want to protect him from anything.

3. Nico di Angelo (Riordanverse)

like with percy, i became attached to him from the moment he showed up, and i would protect him with my life even from rick riordan. he cant do no wrong ever.

4. Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor (RWRB)

henry has specially gained a piece in my heart lately, but i have to be honest, when i first read about him, i thought nothing of him more than the perfect companion and love interest in alex's story. i have to say that getting a glance to his mind through both the bonus chapter and really fucking good fics gave me the insight i needed to comprehend him: his actions, his motivations, and everything in between that made him who he is and made me realize how many things we have in common and how many things i could learn from him, which is always a beautiful experience

5. June Claremont-Díaz (RWRB)

theres nothing i wouldnt do for her. even though i absolutely HATE how i wrote the fic that has june's pov, im still in the process of learning about her and comprehending her more. still, she reminds me so much of my own sister, even though i should kin her more than alex because of the whole sapphic latina journalist who loves her sibling very much, even when they annoy the shit out of you, but alas, im a younger sister and june has so much vibes of my own sister except with my tastes, so yeah, nothing i wouldnt do for her

6. Iris West-Allen (The Flash TV)

in case you didnt know this about me, i had a not-so-recent hyperfixation on the flash (and it can absolutely be seen in my sky high au), and she was half the reason of it. i wish i could put into words how much i fucking love her in every sense of the word. like, i'm in love with her but i also want her to be happy and protected at all costs and i would do anything for her to actually get those things. she can also step on me and i would thank her, but that is unrelated

7. Annabeth Chase (Riordanverse)

what you dont get is that for her i would become like a rabid feral gremlin or maybe that dog that takes a sword in its mouth and starts swinging carelessly. thats how ready i am to protect her from absolutely everything, even spiders, no matter how fucking scared i am of them

8. Imogen Heaney (Heartstopper TV)

yes, i am absolutely biased because the actress also has t1d and my hc is that now imogen also has t1d, but also because i, too, affirmed with my whole chest how i was an ally and totally straight and then slowly realized i was sapphic bc of one cute girl in my friend group that called me out on my bs 💀

9. Barry Allen (The Flash TV)

yes, we dont acknowledge that other version by that other actor. yes, he's last because i had a love-hate relationship with the way he was written. but season 8!barry became one of my favorite versions of him, and i absolutely thank grant (the actor) for the way he made me love the character once again

i missed so many characters that i love but just not like i love these ones. the only one who could easily take barry's place on the list would be nick nelson my absolute beloved, but since flash tv ended this year, it had me in my feelings and i couldn't not put him there, so yeah

DISCLAIMER: i am at the moment reading trials of apollo (im just like 1/4 of the first book) and if somebody spoils me anything i WILL become a rabid feral gremlin, this is your only warning, thank you very much.

anyway, you can consider this an open tag and do this and tag me in it bc i always love to read about yalls favorite stuff. still, no pressure, but im still tagging beautiful ppl so i can read about your favorite characters @anincompletelist @inexplicablymine @read-and-write- @sherryvalli @14carrotghoul @formorewishes

#tag game #2023 character wrapped

[mybodyispeace]

so im still in debt bc i can't stay of drugs and im slowly starting to drink more then i used to <3 also been staving off going into relapse with Ana for a while and just then i was daydreaming of outfits and none would look right w my obesity and i started feeling hungry and it made me realise i hadn't felt hungry in a while and ive nearly dome a 23 hour fast already without realising !! gonna power on till tmmrw night at least, ill be able to get away w saying ive ate smth today and tmmrw i can just put it in the fridge till the day after !! <3 gonna weight myself later and update bc ive been binging for months now :/

#tw ed diet #tw edd #calories #low cal restriction #disordered eating thoughts #tw depressing stuff #tw ana diary #ed mention #sewer slide #ed relapse #4n4m14 #thin hands #thinpso #ana trigger #th!nspo #i need to lose this weight #i just wanna be thin #th!nspiration #th1n$po #an0rexic #4n4rexia #4norexi4 #4norexia #3dtumblr #tw 3d vent #3dtwt #ed diet #eating disorders #tw disordered eating #tw ana fast

[miraiq]

apologies for the week long disappearance. new meds are kinda kicking my ass at the moment so it's making it hard to have the energy to do anything aside from auto-pilot tasks. i am constantly exhausted.

so ive been using the non-ability to focus/write into utilizing my 2-month subscription to binge watch some shows while i do like.. one sentence every other day. also been slowly working on a new oc and remaking an old oc, which are on a sideblog @parxgon though there's not much about them as of yet 'cause.. ya know.. brain non-function. im also very new to ocs in general, let alone writing for one, so it's making it take even longer

either way-- im definitely in lurk mode so you'll still see me liking stuff on the occasion. i can still semi plot stuff out/talk about headcanon stuff (sometimes) so dms are still very much open get quick responses.

#( ooc. ) #jazz hands im alive but barely #not ignoring anyone i pwomise #i got like.. 10 drafts and 2 inboxs still so stuff is saved and in progress #prayer hands this goes away cause i would like to have brain go brrr in a good way #not in a static noise way

[j3-4n]

.• 𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 •.

Things that have been keeping me going after a 2 month long binge, hope this helps someone going through a rough time with binging

Ofc this list may not help everbody, were all different, dont take advice blindly, think for yourself and reject anything you feel wont help you! 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐧𝐨 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐭

An overveiw of my intake, wl, progress for the past few days, for reference ofc still take it with a grain of salt as your progress may look different

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟑-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟕𝟎𝟑, 𝐰:?

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟒-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟔𝟎𝟓 𝐰:𝟏𝟑𝟗.𝟏

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟓-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟑𝟐 𝐰:𝟏𝟑𝟔.𝟔

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟔-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟏𝟒𝟑 𝐰:𝟏𝟑𝟓.𝟓

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟕-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟑𝟏𝟐 𝐰:𝟏𝟑𝟒.𝟎

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟖-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟔𝟑 𝐰:?

𝟏𝟐/𝟏𝟗-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟐𝟏𝟎 𝐰:?

𝟏𝟐/𝟐𝟎-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟒𝟎 𝐰:𝟏𝟑𝟐.𝟎

𝟏𝟐/𝟐𝟏-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟏𝟐𝟎 𝐰:?

𝟏𝟐/𝟐𝟐-𝐜𝐚𝐥:𝟔𝟎 𝐰:𝟏𝟑𝟏.𝟔

Once you get through even the first day, things will change, youll crave junk food less and less, untill the cravings are almost gone. Some foods are addictive and they are made to be addictive, think of it on the same level as a drug.

☆think, “ if i eat this ill eat more, and i wont stop” thats the core of what binges are really, you taste greasy, salty, suagry addictive foods and you cant get enough of them after youve had them even just once. Youll start to crave them.

☆ eating the same thing everyday, and having the same cal limit everyday ive been eating nothing but pickles and mints for the past few days, i wouldnt eat at the exact same time everyday, explained why in the next bullet vv

☆ loosening up on restrictions, ik it sounds stupid, but it works for me, basically i upped my cal limit just coming out of my binge, and lowered it slowly according to the average i was eating everyday, i still tracked my cals ofc, i didnt plan different cal limits for eatch day like a themed diet, all this because if you break one of your internal rules youll think “well todays already trashed so might as well enjoy it now and end it tmr“ and youll FEEL awful, the feeling wont leave you, so if you loosen up your restrictions especially just coming out of a binge youll lessen the feelings of guilt, and then you can just focus on eating less

☆ eating breakfast, this is gonna sound cliche, youve probs heard it a million times, but it helped me, eating even the smallest thing for breakfast can make a difference

☆ eating ( somtimes ) when im hungry, also cliche, if i felt a hunger pang ide adress it with caffeine, nic ( pls dont start nic for apetite suppressant, there are so many other options ), distractions, exercise, lots of water, and if it kept on ide eat a little bit of a low cal snack, and done!

☆ make a cute little list of dirstractions to choose from, it helps cuz yk i have poo brain, if its not written infront of me ill forget its an option

☆ convincing myself that the food i want tastes like sh1t

☆ food sabotage, a classic

☆c/s it helps with cravings but it wouldnt be my first option

☆soy sauce, savory cravings, dab some on your finger and lick it off

☆ dont watch tv/youtube while eating, when you do you chew faster mindlessly therefore feeling less full afterwards, that and as someone that had bed in the past, it gets to a point where you have a hard time enjoying youtube/tv without food so youll start craving it when watching youtube/tv. Making eating a chore helps, downlod a chewing app (i recommend chewing diet), and walk around while you eat, or sit down, just dont play anything even in the background.

▼・ᴥ・▼ ~𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐬 !!

#4n0r3xia #4norexi4 #4norexla #an0r3c1a #ed not sherran #anorexcya #pro a4a #🕯️as a 🪶 #tw ana diary #anarex14 #4narex1a #4n0rexic #4nami4 #4n4m1a #4namia #4n4rexia #4norexia #4n4blr #ana dairy #tw mia #tw m1a #pro m1a #tw m14 #m14 #actually mentally ill #mental illness #tw disordered eating #disordered eating thoughts #tw eating issues

[awkwardgtace]

hi i binged all of your stuff of ao3 for 3 days straight and its all ive been thinking about for the last week

i love how you write your ocs, even with little 2k things its so clear just who this character is and how theyd react to this and its very impressive

Also all your ubiverse ideas? Phenomenal

Thank you for sharing all this with us <3

This is so sweet. Thank you so much for liking my silly ideas and blorbos. Feel free to ask anything you're thinking of.

Legit this helped get me through annoying work this week.

I am slowly getting back to writing after some hectic things the last few months so I hope you like what I finally manage to post next!

#awkwardanswers #things like this kill me #in good ways #get so happy and smiley that people like my insane ideas

[stillflight]

re: that post about special interests

yeah i do wish some people would like . idk not talk about whatever show they just started watching as a "special interest"... i wait until ive been REALLY into something for at least like.. idk a month or two(?) without slowing down to really consider it a special interest (this is a short list of things and nearly all of them have stuck with me since they set in (though they fade in and out (and sometimes very slowly permanently out? but its rare...) in intensity a little... ah i couldnt imagine hitting the "cant go for more than a few seconds without thinking about it" with all of them at once .. sounds painful...)) im sure some of them go on to be extremely long lasting and all but... idk it feels like it ties into how overall people are dropping things faster maybe?

just like wanted to reaffirm that youre not alone in feeling like that (also im so sorry people have called your special interests too broad?!?! thats so strange to say..)

Thank you. And yeah I think it's a combination of things (misinformation even among actually autistic people about what autism is, TV binge culture, people dropping things faster like you said). I think mainly people are confusing hyperfocus for hyperfixation and hyperfixation for special interest when all three are easily defined different things.

#ask

[catspinach]

sobriety reflection:

ive been completely sober for 4 months (make it 5 months if u dont count my brief christmas meltdown) though its been over a full year now since i realized that i needed to make a real change in my life. i stopped drinking for about a month before finally getting a job. at first I was able to go 2 or so months sober at a time before caving in, but there were scary periods where id be unable to stop for a month or so. sometimes id take shots before my shift, and a few times I've drank a full-size 700mL bottle of vodka in a span of 24hrs.

After binge drinking until i reached my absolute limit, I'd eventually get so hungover that i couldn't keep anything down and i wasn't able to slowly wean myself off of the alcohol. I'd suddenly stop drinking, eating, and sleeping, and to pass the time all i could do was pace around my little bedroom or throw up. nobody in my family knew how much i drank so i couldn't risk going downstairs, the tv was way too loud and bright, and i guess I'm simply unable to sit still when I'm not feeling well so I couldnt even sleep it off. when it got unbearable id attempt to meditate. that was probably the only thing that brought me any sort of peace.

My time drinking was spent bumming around alone, feeling depressed and extremely horny. when i was hungover I'd voice chat my (long distance) gf on fb messenger about how miserable i was, and how much i just wanted to die. then when i was feeling better id be unable to even look at our previous convo bc of the extreme guilt i felt. i cant imagine seeing someone i love going through such hell. having only me to bring them solace, yet not being able to help at all. It made me hate myself, which made me drink.

I went through another withdrawal phase and became aware that it was getting harder every time i tried sobering up. It really felt like I was on my deathbed, and I called everyone I could to try to get some sort of outpatient help, but they refused unless i did a month inpatient, and again my family didn't know. I was alone in this, very adamant about not going to AA. I was scared I'd run into someone I know and I heard it's not very effective for young alcoholics anyway. I drank on Christmas Eve a month later and threw up at grandma's on Christmas day. That was when I realized I had a choice to tell someone. That I had no excuse not to tell someone. So I called my sister in and I sat naked on the floor crying as i explained to her what was happening. We all left and she brought me to walgreens to get some Tums, promising not to tell anyone and offering me to stay at her place. which I declined lol fuck that

4 months later and i still get cravings often. i can stop myself from drinking now by reminding myself that tomorrow is a busy day at work, and by imagining it going down my throat. Now when so much as think about drinking I taste vomit.

The other day I almost snuck into my moms room for a shot before work, but stopped myself. I make $19/hr plus overtime, and I know that if i lose this job I won't be able to score one with matching pay. ive been practicing being kind to myself.

Lately I've been bumming again. sometimes life doesn't feel much different from how it did at my lowest– aside from feeling less nauseous now. i guess that's a start to bettering myself though.

#im proud i really am #but it still feels empty #sobriety #now im hooked on marijuana lol but at least its not making me sick

[fadingstarryskies]

tw ed rant

ive been overeating like every other day this month (only some days i would consider it actually a binge but it was more like just eating large dinners for no reason othr than the food is there and then feeling bad ab it after)

but yesterday i rly binged and then had senna and resolved to do better, wean myself down slowly in cals

i was doing so well today not eating till 7 more bc i was busy than anything but then i had so much for dinner (againn) and it was lower protein than i thouGht but thankfully i burned 90% of it off today, i kniw i underestimated cals a little bc i didnr count the serving of fruit but its ok i think i just need to treat my body better (ironic i know) by having smaller meals throughout the day. likw im scared od overeating every meal but i know if i makw a habut of it my body wont yrge me to eat everything when i let myself eat

[misshoneybee]

⟣ 𝑌𝑂𝑈'𝑅𝐸 𝑀𝑌 𝐴𝐶𝐻𝐼𝐿𝐿𝐸𝑆 𝐻𝐸𝐸𝐿 ⟢

— 𝑉. 𝐹𝑂𝑅 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐹𝐼𝑅𝑆𝑇 𝑇𝐼𝑀𝐸, 𝑊𝐻𝐴𝑇’𝑆 𝑃𝐴𝑆𝑇 𝐼𝑆 𝑃𝐴𝑆𝑇

Masterpost — OFC Biography — Playlists — Chapter IV — Chapter VI

❧ Pairings | Post-Endgame!Bucky Barnes x Original Female Character, Previous Steve Rogers x Original Female Character

❧ Warnings | Mature content, explicit language, fluff (Bucky interacting with children!!!)

❧ Wordcount | ~6.7k

❧ Disclaimer | Dividers are by firefly-graphics. If you are a minor, or do not have your age in your bio, and I catch you interacting with this, you will be blocked. If you believe you were blocked unfairly, send me an ask with your url.

I’ve been spending the last eight months, Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end ( Begin Again | Red )

February 15, 2024

Jackhammers. That’s what it felt like was pounding away the inside of her skull, chipping away at the bone and cracking it all over like a shattered eggshell. Every tiny sound in the apartment was amplified. She pressed another pillow to her ear with a pitiful groan, praying that it would muffle the noise so she could find some relief.

Level-headed Maggie. Sensible Maggie. Fun-sucker Maggie. Where the fuck had she gone? Apparently, she’d packed up and left Irresponsible Maggie in charge for the night before, and that had quickly crashed and burned. Even when she’d gone to parties in college, and even after her parents died, she’d never drank so heavily. The pain that seemed to envelop her entire body made her wonder if someone could possibly need a liver transplant following just one night of binge drinking.

She’d never even had a hangover before, not once in her more than thirty years of living, but apparently there was a first time for everything. It felt like she needed to force her eyes open after they’d been glued shut by the contacts that she’d slept in. Sucking in a sharp breath as the mid-morning sun’s light washed over her retinas, there was a tiny part of her that wished for the sweet release of death.

Maybe she was being a little melodramatic.

On her bedside table, two pills had been left beside the glass of water that Bucky had gotten for her—shit, Bucky. With a groan of embarrassment, Maggie tossed the pills in her mouth and swallowed them with a mouthful of the stagnant water that seemed to help alleviate the cottonmouth that she’d been left with following the events of the previous evening.

Bucky had been the one that had found her the night before. Nothing she remembered seemed linear. She’d definitely been at some dive bar down the street. God, had he carried her up the four flights of fucking stairs to their floor? She was almost certain that he’d watched as she’d vomited her intestines out in her small bathroom.

Yeah, as it turned out, the sweet release of death was beginning to look more and more like the most attractive option.

Slowly sitting up, praying the ibuprofen would quickly seep into her blood and that her head would stop pounding soon, Maggie swung her legs over the side of her bed and planted them firmly on the ground. As she stood, she was grateful that the dizzy effects of the alcohol had left her; that was a small victory at least. Dragging her feet, she made her way into the bathroom.

Everything looked just as she’d left it; maybe she hadn’t actually gotten sick and that was a bad dream. Denial was easier than the truth, at times. Removing her contact lenses, she let out a quiet sigh of relief when it felt like she could finally blink without her eyes sticking shut. Irresponsible Maggie was a bitch and Morning Maggie resented her fully as she scrubbed her face free of smeared makeup with lukewarm water that trickled from the tap.

Like a puzzle, piece by piece, she was putting herself back together, in more ways than one.

Grabbing her toothbrush, she covered the bristles with a white stripe of peppermint paste and went to work trying to get the awful taste from her mouth. Cautiously, she brushed her tongue, not entirely certain that the nausea was completely gone; she really didn’t want to risk being sick. Rinsing the foamy toothpaste from the sink, Maggie’s brow furrowed as she heard her front door open and close.

Only three people had a key to her apartment; the first was obviously her. The second was Poppy but she was somewhere in Europe when Maggie had last checked her ‘find my friends’ profile the day before. And the third was Bucky. It only made sense, since they were neighbors; they’d exchanged spares in case one of them got locked out of their own apartment.

Alpine’s happy little, chirpy ‘meow’ sealed the deal; there was only one other person that the stubborn cat loved as much as he loved Maggie. Pulling on her robe, she tied the sash around her waist as she padded silently across the wooden floor into the living room. Bucky was murmuring lowly to the cat who’d hopped up on to the counter to watch as he unpacked a delivery bag of food.

Watching the scene unfold before her felt a little bit like the Twilight Zone. Her voice was hoarse as she croaked out a soft, “Hi.”

Bucky looked up, almost surprised to see her in her own home. She was pretty certain she looked like the walking dead—that was how she felt anyway. Was he was wearing the same thing that he’d worn the night before? In her defense, her memory was faulty and all of his clothes kind of looked the same through drunk goggles.

“You’re awake.”

“Unfortunately.” Leaning against the doorframe, she dropped her head to rest against the cool wood and groaned; why was his voice so loud? Why did the greasy smell of whatever food he got simultaneously make her mouth water and stomach turn? Was she hungry or repulsed? Or was it somehow both?

As he moved around her kitchen to get a glass of water, he looked as though he’d made himself at home and she would have laughed if it wouldn’t have hurt so badly. With a wry smile, Bucky nodded, “How do you feel?”

Pursing her lips, she pretended to contemplate the question before giving a little shrug, “I think being dead would feel a little better than I do now.” As he continued to move around the kitchen, she finally broke, “What are—”

“You were pretty far-gone last night.” Finding the dishes in her cabinet, he began to transfer the diner food from the cardboard containers on to the ceramic plate. In an awkward, off-hand tone, he muttered, “Didn’t want you to die from alcohol poisoning or something so I stayed out here.”

He’d stayed the night in her living room? As she looked around the cozy space, nothing was out of place. There were no pillows leaned against the armrest, all of her throws were still folded on the back of the couch or carefully placed in the little, decorative basket beneath the table. Had he even slept? Or had he been so worried about her that he’d stayed awake all night? Her chest tightened a little at the thought.

“Well, that’s…” Trailing off, Maggie pressed her lips together as she searched for the right word. Sweet? Chivalrous? Nice? All of the above? Of course. But it wasn’t a secret that she hated being an imposition. After a moment, she settled lamely for, “incredibly embarrassing.”

Chuckling, Bucky placed the plate on her little dining table and nodded to it, “Eat.” At her wrinkled nose and apprehensive glare towards the inoffensive pancakes and bacon, he prodded, “You need to put something in your stomach. Pretty sure you threw everything up last night.”

So, she was right. It hadn’t been a dream. Ugh.

“Fine.” Begrudgingly, Maggie listened to his rational reasoning and moved the rest of the way into the room. Taking a seat, she tucked her knees to her chest in the chair before glancing back up. Crossing his arms, Bucky stared at her pointedly. Giving him the finger with one hand, she used her other to cut off a piece of the pancake. Unwillingly, she groaned as the maple syrup and butter saturated bite all but melted in her mouth.

Perhaps she’d been too harsh.

Though his face was still stoic, she’d gotten to know him well enough to see the way that a pleased vindication lit up his eyes at her reaction. Placing the glass of ice water before her, she had to stop herself from poking fun at him; she never would have assumed he was so…caring.

Dabbing some of the sticky, sweet syrup from her lip, Maggie let out a heavy sigh as she focused on the plate in front of her. God, fuck vulnerability. “Look, I know my track record isn’t great, but I promise I’m not always like that.”

She felt the blush from her cheeks spread down her chest. Being the weepy, out of control girl-next-door was not who she was. Maybe she’d learned how to better approach and handle her feelings in recent years, but she still wasn’t the type of person to cry in public or act out and cause a scene. It was embarrassing and from that moment on, she was swearing off drinking. Not that she drank much prior to the evening before, but it was the thought that counted.

Giving her a small shrug, Bucky thankfully allowed bygones to be bygones, “I know, Mags.”

“Thank you.” She didn’t bother correcting him that time. Anyone who’d watched her hurl her guts out deserved the courtesy of using her nickname. Meeting his gaze, she was certain that she was quite a sight with dark circles and bloodshot eyes on a puffy face in wrinkled nightclothes, but she gave him a fleeting smile as she clarified, “For everything…and for staying.”

“It was nothing.” Shrugging off her gratitude, never great at accepting appreciation, Bucky returned the smile as he approached the front door, “See you later.”

Brows drawn together, Maggie called to his back, “You can’t expect me to eat all of this alone.” He turned around with a puzzled expression and she used her fork to gesture to the other half of the food that he’d left on the counter, “Want some coffee?”

“Yeah,” With a crooked smile, he returned to the kitchen as he admitted with a shake of his head, “Couldn’t figure out your damn machine. What the hell happened to drip coffee makers?”

The food had definitely brought some life back into the woman. Speaking through a bite of bacon, Maggie grinned as she made her way into the kitchen alongside him, “Let me introduce you to the wonders of a Nespresso.”

March 6, 2024

There were only a few more fields that she needed to fill out on the stupid form on the screen in front of her so they could go downstairs but she kept getting distracted; it wasn’t her fault. Bucky was worse than all of the children she’d ever had in her office. As she furiously typed away, he asked constant questions (“So, Stark owned this building? The whole thing?”) and roamed around the space and read every single paper that had been hung on the walls, from her degrees (“You went to an Ivy League? Shit. Didn’t know that, your highness.”) to the little inspirational posters with encouragements for anyone who visited (“Do people really like this shit?”).

Sitting in one of the chairs opposite her desk, Bucky had finally taken a seat and found the small basket of toys that she kept for anytime a kid came to her office and needed a little distraction. He was like a toddler, getting out one of the little fidget spinners and setting it aside before finding one of the puzzle toys and so on and so forth.

Finally, after a quarter of her desk had been taken up by all of the items that he’d yet to put back, she hissed, “James! Stop touching everything!”

“Why do you have so many knick-knacks?” Holding a tennis ball, he tossed it into the air and caught it easily. Of course, he was incredibly coordinated…or rather, would it be calibrated since he was throwing it with his left hand?

“They’re for the kids—not you!” Leaning across the desk, irritated by the disorder he’d caused, Maggie replaced the little odds and ends back into the basket and shot him a reprimanding look. She allowed him to keep the tennis ball; like a dog with a bone, if it kept him occupied long enough for her to finish her task, it was fine.

“I hope you’re nicer to them.”

Though he’d grumbled under his breath, Bucky had made certain that Maggie had heard him, and she shot him a withering look. “I am nice!” The skeptical expression he gave her in return made her want to smack him, just a little, and she huffed resentfully, “Fine, I’m nice to them.”

Kids were far easier to be nice to than adults; they were cute and funny and kind, while adults were all rough edges and ulterior motives. Maybe the decision to make her own division that focused solely on caring for children had been partially motivated by her desire to avoid adults after enhanced individual and superhero events caused problems.

Was it inconvenient to have your car smashed by Hulk as he rampaged through the city fighting aliens? Of course. Was it a reason to be rude to those who were only trying to help following the aftermath? Not at all.

“Done!” With a relieved sigh, Maggie submitted the form and stood, stretching her arms high above her head. At that, she was done with her desk for the day, and she got to do the fun part of her job by ensuring that every active case they currently had was still going well.

Pumps and high-waisted, wide-legged trousers made her legs look modelesque and long, but she was still dwarfed by Bucky’s height as he walked through the halls with her. Towering over Maggie by nearly a foot, she was mildly worried that some of the kids would be frightened by their new volunteer’s towering stature.

After an elevator ride to a lower floor, they’d arrived in the atrium. Stopping by the security desk, she scrawled his name on a nametag. On his chest, she pressed the sticker, complete with a little smiley face in the corner, courtesy of her. Maggie stopped with her hand on the door handle just before they entered, “You ready?”

An amused, inquisitive expression made the crow’s feet beside Bucky’s eyes deepen as he smiled, “You act like they’re wild animals—not a bunch of kids.”

Beaming, she shrugged, “Famous last words, Barnes.”

The giant, open-concept room was bustling; it was something of a dayroom with more games and toys than kids. As time had passed since everyone had returned to the universe, more and more families were finding their footing and being reunited but there was still a small group of kids under the SRF’s charge.

The faces of adults and children alike turned to see who’d entered the room and Maggie grinned as he hesitated at the unexpected attention. Wrapping a hand around his arm, ignoring how large his stupidly ripped bicep was, she pulled him further inside before he could turn and run.

“Good morning! This is Mr. Barnes,” Pausing, she glanced up at him and shrugged, “or you can call him Bucky! He’ll be here with me today to hang out with you guys.” With a squeeze to the very firm muscle, she nodded to the new volunteer as she teased the kids she’d gotten to know over the last few months, “No picking on the new kid, got it?”

A sprinkled murmur of agreement rattled their little voices as they went back to playing. Bucky gently grabbed her hand as she moved to let him go, “What do I…”

“Just kind of walk around. Ask questions.” She kept her voice soft as she glanced around the room. It was never an ideal situation, to not know where or who home was, but the foundation did their best to make things as easy as possible when so many of the children didn’t even completely understand their own circumstance. “A lot of them are pretty shy so take it slow and they’ll warm up to you, I promise. I need to go check some things with Kayla, but I’ll be right over there.”

It went without saying but Maggie had come to trust Bucky; if she hadn’t, she never would have suggested him tagging along. Though Valentine’s Day would go down as one of the most embarrassing events in her short life, it had solidified what she already thought she knew. Beneath the rocky exterior and rough edges, there was something soft inside of James Barnes. He was a good man and that came as a surprise to no one, especially not her.

With an encouraging smile, Maggie let him go and he watched as she strolled across the room. It was like a transformation as she squared her shoulders and stood taller. So, this was her element. He couldn’t help but notice how the other adults looked to her for guidance or got her input; it was nice to see her so comfortable and in command.

Slowly, Bucky ventured further into the room. Some of the older kids were playing video games or doing schoolwork, but a little table to the side was occupied by three or four younger kids. He had no clue how old they were, aside from approximately somewhere between four and seven, but they seemed to be the least intimidating of the small crowd.

Wary of, what Maggie had deemed, his ‘resting bitch face,’ Bucky was careful to keep his facial expression as light as his tone when he crouched down beside one of the little boys with grass stains on his khaki pants and his messy hair sticking up, “What’re you drawing?”

Not even looking up from the construction paper, the boy used the green crayon and scrubbed it against the page like his life depended on it as he answered, “The zoo!”

Tilting his head to the side, Bucky looked down at the picture. A giant, scaly green lizard was the focal point of what was quickly becoming, the child’s magnum opus, “I didn’t know they had dragons at the zoo.”

At Bucky’s quip, the little boy finally looked up at the tall man as he explained with a slight lisp from losing his two front teeth, “’S not a dragon.” Giggling, he slid it closer to the older man as he continued, “It’s a dinosaur!”

“Oh!” Nodding, as if the explanation had been the most obvious thing in the world, he agreed, “That makes much more sense. What’s your name, kid?”

“Noah. Want to color?” As he offered Bucky one of the crayons, his big brown eyes were hopeful as he craned his neck to look up at the giant who crouched beside him. Shooting a glance towards Maggie who was distractedly watching him as she carried on some conversation with one of her division members, she smiled and gave him a little nod.

“Uh, yeah.” With a grin, Bucky, very carefully, sat down on one of the abnormally small wooden chairs. Of course, they were made for kids, but were they all really that tiny? A mild glance at his table members answered for him; apparently, yes, they were. Accepting the crayon, he grabbed a piece of paper from the center of the table, “What should I draw?”

The little boy was thoughtful for a moment before giving Bucky a decisive nod, inspired by his own piece of art, “Your favorite place!”

“Got it.”

Going to work on his own drawing, it was an easy choice. If someone had asked him before the war, the answer would have been simple; he would have said New York because, at one point, it had been his entire world. After everything—the war, Hydra, going on the run—there was only one place that stood out above any other. In Wakanda, he’d found a modicum of peace amidst the disaster of the world; he would have been happy to spend the rest of his life there, but he knew that life wasn’t always what someone wanted.

The room they were in was large, but it felt like a sauna as he sat at the table with the kids. It made sense; they were small, and it had barely gone above freezing outside so they needed to trap the heat to keep them comfortable. Perhaps it wouldn’t have felt so warm if he wasn’t wearing the heavy leather jacket he seldom went without.

The article was something of a security blanket—if he wore it, people often overlooked the arm and that was more preferable than the stares. He could feel his temperature rising, the back of his neck growing warm as he shifted in his seat. After several moments of contemplation, Bucky shed his outer layer and silently cursed that he’d worn a t-shirt as opposed to something a little more conspicuous.

Vigilant as he continued to look down at the paper before him, using the crayons to sketch out the mountains of the small country, he was surprised when none of the children raised any questions about the vibranium appendage. In all fairness, they’d seen things that were far stranger in their lives: aliens, spaceships, sorcerers. The list was endless.

From across the room, Maggie kept an eye on Bucky as she fielded questions from the members of her team. It was bizarre because, at first, she was certain that she’d been more concerned for the children but perhaps not. As Bucky shed some of his metaphorical armor, she’d tuned out one of Kayla’s endless stories as she watched like a hawk. For what? She was unsure.

Maybe it was because she was worried that his powerful arm would frighten the kids. As she thought about it more, she soon realized that she was wrong. Though she didn’t want the kids to be frightened by something they didn’t understand, she was more worried that they would ask too many questions that would force Bucky’s hand.

The dull of hum of kids chatting and occasional bouts of laughter were the typical backtrack to the days that she visited the lower floors of the tower. She loved it. Finally averting her eyes from her neighbor, she did a quick count—there was that nervous habit of always making sure she had her ducks in a row.

One child short, her eyes scanned the room quickly before she caught sight of a little boy that she’d missed on her first go around. Alistair, a tiny redhead that was barely four, toddled across the room with a handful of little, plastic fruit magnets clenched tightly in his sticky, chubby fist. It was almost in slow motion as she watched him approach Bucky, who had been drawn into a conversation about race cars and how fast they could drive to the moon.

Before Maggie could cross the room and give a soft lesson in manners, the little boy had stuck several of the magnets on to Bucky’s exposed arm. Letting out a shout of raucous laughter that set off giggles in several of the other children, he looked up at Bucky with bright blue eyes. Looking down at the little red apple and yellow bunch of bananas that had been stuck to his forearm, Bucky’s expression was stunned.

Her stomach turned cartwheels for a split second as she looked at him, worried that he’d yank his jacket back on and leave before vowing to never return and never forgive her for dragging him along in the first place. Maybe she should have had a conversation with the kids about how some people are different. Before any of those fears could come true, Bucky began to chuckle.

His chest shook as he unstuck them, the vibranium releasing the refrigerator magnets easily. With a sneaky glint in his eye, Bucky tried to stick them to the little boy’s arm in return which made him giggle as they fell to the floor before he ran towards Maggie. Unable to hide her grin as Alistair hid from Bucky behind her legs, holding on tightly to the leg of her pants as he peeked around her, she watched with unabashed joy as the tall man stalked across the room and began a game of tag that quickly grew into a group-wide event.

In her entire time working with kids who hadn’t been dealt the best hand in life, Maggie had never seen all of them quite so excited as they formed alliances and took shelter beneath tables or behind walls. A dim glow in her chest warmed her heart as she was pulled into the game when Bucky tapped her arm to tag her and easily hopped over a table to get out of reach as quickly as possible.

Sometimes, it was the little things.

The worst part of her commute back to Brooklyn from Manhattan was the ferry. Perhaps it would be less miserable after winter had passed but at the present moment, she was using Bucky’s massive frame as a wall to hide from the cold wind as the boat cut through the East River. Along with her neighbor-turned-friend acting as a windbreaker, the long coat and deep, maroon beret that Poppy had picked up for her in France were doing an excellent job at keeping Maggie from freezing.

Leaning against the railing, she peered up at Bucky, “So, you liked it?”

“Yeah,” Nodding, she couldn’t help but notice that his pleasant expression hadn’t changed since they’d left her place of work. They’d stayed far later than they’d originally intended but it wasn’t until one of the directors had gently reminded Maggie that they needed to get the kids ready for dinner, that she’d realized several hours had passed. Fondly, he continued, “Cute kids.”

After a long game of tag that had somehow morphed into freeze tag, which apparently had very different rules than it had when she was a kid, the children finally realized how strong Bucky was. Choruses of ‘Mr. Barnes!’ and ‘Mr. Bucky!’ had overlapped as they used him as a jungle gym, hanging from his arms and neck as he stomped around the room like Godzilla terrorizing a city. She’d been worried that they would somehow offend Bucky or make him self-conscious, but she’d never seen him smile so big in all the time that she’d known him.

“They’re the best.” Maggie agreed, dotingly. As much as her heart soared every time a case was settled and a family was reunited or one of the kids was adopted, it would have been a lie if she’d said that the goodbyes didn’t hurt at least a little. All she could do was think of them often and hope that they were happy out there in the world. Nudging him gently with her elbow, she raised an eyebrow, “So, are you going to come back sometime?”

“You want me to come back?”

At Bucky’s surprised, and almost flattered, expression, Maggie quickly shook her head and lied, though the corner of her lips twitched up and gave her away, “They do—not me.”

In all honesty, she wanted him to return just as much as the kids did. It was like they’d chipped away at the stone he’d fortified himself with; she knew they did the same for her.

“Oh, they do?” Raising an eyebrow, he crossed his arms. Like a stained-glass window, he could see right through her words as he grinned, clarifying, “Not you?”

Shaking her head, Maggie shrugged nonchalantly, playing it cool, “Nope. You were just a big hit with them.”

“Well, I would.” Though her eyes were on the shore ahead, snowflakes landing on her eyelashes as they swirled through the air, she could feel Bucky watching her as he added, amusedly, “For them, of course.”

“Of course.” She agreed, “They’d really like that.” At his acceptance, she finally turned to look back at him and they shared a smile. He had a sneaking suspicion that she had included herself in that ‘they.’

Maggie almost had the little, silver key in the lock of her door when she finally remembered what she’d intended to ask Bucky about earlier that afternoon. She’d lived on her own for most of her twenties, so she wasn’t a stranger to doing household maintenance on her own but even she knew her limits.

With a dulcet tone, she turned to the man who was only a few feet down the hall, “James…”

“What do you want?” There was no malice to his words, only a slightly begrudging acceptance, as he raised an eyebrow. His door was half-open, but she’d caught him just before he’d stepped inside the haven of his own apartment.

She couldn’t help the slightly offended pout at his response as she ruffled, trying to turn the stuck key in her door’s lock and cursing how the cold in hall had warped the metal handle, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

With a shrug, he looked at her as though it should be obvious, “That’s your ‘I want something’ voice.”

“My what?”

Watching, entertained as she struggled with her door, he explained with a self-satisfied grin, “Your voice when you’re going to ask me a favor.”

Giving up on the stuck key, she crossed her arms as she turned to him with a skeptical expression, “I have a specific voice for that?”

“Yep.” With four strides, Bucky made it to her door and wiggled the key further into the lock easily, allowing it to turn and disengage as he prompted, “So, what do you want?”

“I—” Maggie huffed. He wasn’t wrong and they both knew it, but it made her want to rescind her request. Annoyed, she mumbled, “I need help trying to reconnect my stupid garbage disposal because I was trying to fix it and then something happened and there was a spark and it scared me.” As he made a face, Maggie knew he wouldn’t deny her, but she decided to sweeten the deal anyway as she tacked on, “I’ll make you dinner.”

With a smug smile, he walked back to his door as he added, “I would have done it for free, Hall.”

“I know, Barnes. I’m just a nice neighbor.” Rolling her eyes, she went inside with a little smile and headed to her room as he retrieved a toolbox from his own apartment.

One day she’d be a functional adult who wore their normal, street clothes until it was time for bed. As she pulled on yet another pair of leggings and a sweatshirt from her alma mater, she decided that it wasn’t that day.

Lowering the heat beneath the pan on the stove, she watched as the tall blue flame was reduced to a red-orange flicker. The mouthwatering scent of garlic and chicken and Szechuan pepper filled the kitchen as she dragged the spatula across the metal pan. Bucky, on his back beneath her sink with his toolbox open beside him, had grown used to her half-mumbling singing that she always seemed to do around the house regardless of anyone’s presence.

Though he pretended to be annoyed by the little habit, he’d begun to find her slightly off-key voice and almost-always incorrect lyrics somewhat endearing. It was quite the departure from the woman he’d met in the heat of battle and the cold shoulder he’d been given in the first few weeks following their reintroduction.

It was an unspoken thing, how each of them seemed to be spackling a hole that had been left in their heart by someone else—or, in Maggie’s case, three someone else’s. It wasn’t the same. How could it be? There was no shared history or any funny stories from years past, there was still so much that they didn’t know about one another. Although it went unsaid, they were both grateful; having the presence of the other made them feel the slightest bit less alone.

“Shit!” His muffled voice came from beneath cabinet before he sat up with a peeved expression, careful not to smack his head; he knew she wouldn’t ever let it go if he did. Running a hand through his hair to brush it from his forehead, he explained, “I can’t get a grip on the stupid fucking thing.”

Pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, Maggie’s eyes followed the movement of his gloved hand. It had to be restrictive, didn’t it? She could barely stand wearing gloves while she was outside, wearing them anytime she wasn’t alone sounded miserable. When he’d unexpectedly shed them along with his jacket earlier, she’d been surprised. That vulnerability was something she hadn’t seen from him before.

“You don’t have to wear them, you know.” Trying to sound casual and not pushy, neither of which she was great at, Maggie met his eyes before clarifying, “The glove and the jacket. Don’t feel like you have to wear them for me.”

She didn’t care; in fact, the nerdy, neuroscientist that was buried deep inside of her was secretly fascinated with the intricacies of the vibranium creation. Everyone had pieces of themselves they didn’t like, blemishes that wouldn’t fade or wounds that didn’t heal. For her, it was the massive scar that had wrapped around her side just four months ago. For Bucky, it was his arm. Though it had a more complicated history than most others’ injuries, it was still part of him.

After a tense moment of looking at her and clenching his jaw, Bucky slowly removed the leather gloves before shoving them in the pocket of his jacket which he quickly shed as well. Setting them aside, she could see the way his body relaxed with his range of motion no longer restricted and felt a half smile appear on her lips.

Flexing his metal hand, he nodded and ducked back under the sink to return to work. It hadn’t been until that afternoon that Maggie had realized he was always so careful to wear long-sleeves around her. When he came over, he always wore Henley’s or long-sleeve t-shirts. She hadn’t really had a chance to see his arm up close aside from then.

The sleek black metal with deep gold at the joints and hinges, that allowed for a variety of movements, was oddly beautiful. When she’d stood close to him, or on the rare occasions that his hand had been placed on her shoulder or back, she’d been able to hear the quiet whirring sounds from the gears and wires beneath its shell. His touch was firm, she could recall his arm as he carried her across her kitchen and up the stairs, but each motion and gesture he made looked so natural.

Perhaps it was because she hadn’t known him before the inciting incident that had cost him his arm, but it was impossible to picture Bucky any other way. In fact, she didn’t want to picture him any differently than he was at that moment. She was content with who he was; she only hoped that he could be too.

By the time that Bucky had finished reconnecting the frayed wires, which had been soon after he’d removed the gloves, she was garnishing the stir fry with green onions and placing the steaming plates on the table. Washing his hands, he grabbed the glasses of water she’d left in the kitchen and brought them over as he took a seat.

It all felt so normal. After shooting him a smile in silent thanks, Maggie took a bite and groaned. She had a tendency to skip lunch on her particularly long days at work.

Bucky’s tone was ambiguous as he observed from across the table, “You didn’t add peas to mine.”

She very carefully hadn’t. The green peas that speckled the soy sauce-coated rice on her plate were notably absent from his, though all of the other vegetables remained present. It had been a throw away comment made years ago, but for some reason she’d taken note of it like it would matter someday. At the time, she and Steve had had no idea that everyone would return someday when they’d discussed it.

“Steve said you didn’t like them.” Slowly, saying his name was becoming easier. She still didn’t make a habit of it, but it didn’t feel like a bullet to her chest anymore; now it was like a dull burn, the residual heat left behind after pressing a finger against a hot stove. It still hurt but it didn’t knock her off her feet or paralyze her in pain any longer.

“I can’t believe he remembered that.” An exhale of a laugh was pulled from Bucky as he shook his head in disbelief. It had been a childhood qualm. He’d never been a picky eater except when it came to peas—something about the texture had always been unsettling it so he’d avoided them for as long as he could recall.

“He remembered everything.” Maggie half-joked, taking a sip of her water. Even the smallest comments that she made in passing, Steve would somehow recall. Along with his photographic memory, he was like a walking tape recorder. “It was actually a little bit annoying when it wasn’t super endearing.”

“He always had a good memory.” Even before the serum, Steve could easily recall just about anything from his classes or books he read. As he chewed a piece of the spicy chicken thoughtfully, Bucky added, “Guess he had to, since he needed to remember everywhere he’d gone to try and sneak into the army.”

Leaning forward, Maggie’s eyebrows shot towards her hairline, “He what?”

She’d never really thought about it, but she’d never had the chance to hear about Steve’s life firsthand from anyone except himself. Even she’d had Tony and Pepper and Poppy who’d shared more than their fair share of embarrassing stories about her life with him. Bucky, though, had been there for Steve. Through thick and thin, the men had stuck by one another; it made her feel closer to both of them.

“Oh yeah,” He took a long drink of the ice water to offset the spice before grinning, “He was a rule-breaking, little shit back in the day. Well, not just then.” Shrugging, he pointed out, “He broke the law and went on the run for two years ‘cause he didn’t want to sign the accords.”

It was a simplification, of course, but they both knew the accords were one of the reasons that Steve had been a fugitive; the other reason sat across from her.

“He had certain convictions.” After she spoke, she didn’t like the way the words felt when they fell from her tongue. Something about speaking of him in past tense just felt wrong although it wasn’t. That Steve, the one that used to be hers, really was gone.

Shoving those thoughts down, she refocused on the conversation at hand as Bucky countered, “He was a stubborn ass.”

With an affectionate, soft laugh, Maggie nodded in agreement as she exhaled, “Yeah.”

Talking about him like this, saying his name and remembering him for the good and not just the pain and what could have been, was oddly nice. She hadn’t really spoken about him to anyone aside from her therapist since he’d left; the closest that she’d come to it was when she or Bucky would reference him in passing.

It felt good to think about him and not want to break down in sobs. Progress wasn’t always something she was great at assessing, especially in herself, but this felt like it. And since she started, she oddly didn’t want to stop.

Maggie couldn’t help herself as she blurted out, “You know he snored sometimes?” Criss-crossing her legs as she balanced on the dining room chair, she laughed, “I tried to get him to use those little nose strips one time, but he insisted that it wasn’t him snoring.”

At that, Bucky let out a genuine, belly laugh as well. He could remember having sleepovers when they were kids. Steve may have looked unassuming, but the smaller boy had sounded like a buzzsaw at night. Nodding, he supported, “Snored when we were kids too. Damn asthma.”

Maybe Steve hadn’t been perfect, but sometimes it felt as though he’d been pretty damn close. Something about slowly dismantling the picture-perfect ideal that she’d somehow created in her head made her feel less broken inside. Using a napkin, Maggie wiped the tears from her cheeks. For the first time in a long time, they hadn’t come from heartbreak. All of this—thinking about him like this, talking about him in a way that didn’t seem to rip open old wounds, having a new friend—felt really wonderful.

#fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #mcu fanfic #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes x original character #bucky barnes x original female character #bucky barnes x oc #bucky barnes x ofc #bucky barnes #original character #original female character #oc #ofc #misshoneybee: mosaic broken hearts #misshoneybee: you're my achilles heel #misshoneybee: series #ymah #did the love affair maim queue too?

[meeda]

I’m bored and not sleepy so i guess i better do a little health update

cw for body image and bad eating habits and self harming behaviors etc

the bad news:

I gained 20 lbs in 2 months lol, now I’m officially considered obese. Prior to gaining all this weight i had actually lost weight, a bit too rapidly, as a result of what may have been the early stages of an ed. but it quickly turned into frequent binging out of anxiety and boredom to overcorrect the starvation.

I’m still prediabetic. you’d think that this would be a wake up call to eat healthier and lose the excess weight but if anything this just made my eating habits worse. Ever since i got diagnosed with prediabetes, I’ve essentially given up hope. ive been hiding snacks in my room, eating at late hours of the day, and lying to people about what im eating. It’s like ive become ashamed of eating and turned my unhealthy eating habits into a secret… because that somehow negates the fact that im eating unhealthily?

I stopped binging just a week ago and went back to restricting. I know it isn’t good for me and I know I shouldn’t be doing this but I feel like I can’t control myself when I eat. This is the only way I can feel in control. I’ve resorted to drinking yakult for breakfast, coffee for lunch, and either fruit salads or chicken for dinner. it’s pretty sad. The silver lining is I started losing weight again. I know this isn’t the right way to go about it, but I’m so desperate to be thin again that I’ll eat the saddest little meals just to do it.

lastly, and this isn’t something I’m proud to admit but I began SH’ing again, and I don’t really plan to quit, so don’t bother convincing me to. I have managed to keep this hidden from everyone irl including my boyfriend. But I know he’ll figure it out eventually. I can’t wear sleeves around him forever, and at some point he’ll wonder why I’m avoiding intimacy with him. I don’t know what I’ll do when he inevitably finds out. It’s just a waiting game.

the good news:

I don’t know if being “in remission” is a thing for schizophrenia but I haven’t had any psychotic symptoms in months. I think I’m finally recovering after three years of dealing with this shit. If I can only convince my bf and therapist that I don’t need medication anymore, I would start slowly tapering off of it.

Despite my engaging and SH and dealing with weight issues, I’m actually relatively content with my life. I’m making gaming videos again, journaling, drawing, spending lots of time with friends, and even have plans for a trip later in the year. Things are heading in the right direction for me. I just need to get it together and stop turning to unhealthy ways to cope.

I stopped abusing laxatives, in fact I threw away the rest of them because they were shit (pun intended) for my digestive system. They did help me lose weight in the short term but it wasn’t worth the damage to my body. Part of the reason I’ve been drinking yakult again is to get everything back in working order. Idk if that’s how it works though im not a doctor lol.

[kittylames]

Just 3 more pounds to lose and I’ll have lost 10 lbs, then just another 10 to go and I’ll be back to my normal weight

Gaining weight is tough, I gained around 25 pounds and none of my clothes fit me anymore and I feel so ugly. Drinking has really led to my weight gain along with reckless binge eating.

Ever since I started to taper off clonazepam ive been horribly depressed but I’m feeling better now that I’ve been totally off it for around 3 months, but unfortunately I found comfort in food and relief with alcohol since it’s a depressant like clonazepam

I’ve lost all motivation to do anything and my house has become cluttered, really a reflection of my mind. My brain is still healing and withdrawing, alcohol certainly doesn’t help either so I’m trying to stop. I find my mind gets stuck in negative loops all day long and my memory is hazy, it’s hard for me to recall words mid sentence and it makes me feel so dumb, although I know I’m not maybe just right now since I do feel very incompetent with my current state of mind, never mind the physical aspects of withdrawal as well, I’m constantly fatigued but it’s slowly getting better. I wasted many days stuck in bed it’s been awful no doubt

Withdrawing sucks but remembering the reckless things I did while abusing my medication has got to be the worst. I hate who the medication made me, I lost all values and morals and all of who I was. I’m glad I’m off that horrible drug and I’m glad my new psychiatrist made the move to get me off of them since I’d been on them for over a year.

I’ve recently started Dexedrine for adhd, and it’s also been helping me with motivation and energy, it also clears my mind of the negative rumination and anxious thoughts. Suppressed appetite is also a plus.

I hope to keep up with my goals and change myself for the better, I need to get out of this hole I’ve made for myself.

[skinnywannabea]

Weighed myself for the first time in like 10 months. Not happy at all with the result BUT i didnt have a breakdown or binge bc of it :D ive been restricting for 3 days now and i walked while fasting today. Slowly and surely getting back to the grind ana mindset lol yaaay

[lilfunnyguy]

it makes me sad i missed like 3 ish years of op content because after dd and j left i just kind of lost interest in the channel

and im only now catching up on it all. its just crazy seeing how much ive missed out on, all the inside jokes and everything

#i couldve started watching them again last year when the pandemic started too #but i was in the same situation with another lp channel where i hadn't watched it a while and came back to it feeling like i'd missed a lot #ive been binging the post dd&j era stuff pretty much since i started watching them again a month or two ago #oh yeah ive also been slowly getting through sleepycast #i never knew it existed until now which is just insane