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dripkingpetey · 4 years

Text

love-e.pettersson

ive been working on this for a few days and im kinda proud of it! would love some feedback from you or requests for other story lines, i promise i’ll stop doing the friends to lovers storylines haha. i also accidentally deleted this and i was so sacred i couldnt get it back but here it is! i hope you enjoy.

*lowercase intended!*

2.2k words

he loves you, you know that right?

“why did you drag me here, i really don’t like hockey and you know that.” you said as you sighed to your bestfriend lucie while she pulls you down to your seats in rogers arena.

“i know you don’t.” lucie said with a bright smile on her face. “but, you’re gonna learn to like it.” you look at her in confusion. “so, this is your way of torturing me as if you don’t already torture me enough by bringing me to parties.” you said while sitting down and looking at the players who are starting to get on the ice. “maybe.” lucie said with a wide grin and a mischievous look on her face before puck drop starts.

you’ve never been big on hockey, which is surprising considering you have lived in vancouver your whole life and your family is super big hockey fans. you also aren't the most extroverted person. sure, you’d go out to bars sometimes but mostly just with your close friends.

“what part of this sport do you even like?” you said as the game is going into the third period the canucks are now up 4-1 against the opposing team which you don’t even really know who they are. “well, if I’m being honest some of them are really hot but mostly cause of the sport.” you scoffed at her response. “none of them are hot from where i can see.” lucie looked at you with a shocked look. “oh you’ll get it once you get to know the players more.” you give her a confused look and put your full attention back to the game.

canucks ended up winning the game 5-2, lucie was very happy about it and you could tell cause she wanted to go out for a couple drinks and you didn’t want to say no so you agreed to go.

you had been at the bar for about twenty minutes and lucie was already gone which isn’t surprising, she was probably sleeping with some guy right now.

you started to panic a little when a creepy old dude came up to you and started hitting on you. “hey pretty girl, want to come home with me?” he started putting his hand on your arm which was resting on the table. you look around for lucie in panic but she’s no where to be found.

you then feel a pair of arms sneak around your waist and you get even more freaked out.

“hey babe, sorry i was gone for so long.” elias says to you with a smile but then proceeds to give the creepy dude the alien death stare which worked. after the dude leaves elias faces you and starts speaking. “sorry i touched you like that, it looked like you were alone and that guy was creeping you out so i thought you could use some help.” he shoots an apologetic smile at you.

“its okay,” you give him a smile back. “thank you a lot actually, i have no idea where my friend went.” you take another look around the bar before looking back and him.

“i’m elias by the way.” he smiles at you while holding his hand out for you to shake it. “y/n.” you say before shaking his hand.

“so elias, what are you doing in this bar on a thursday night?” you gesture for him to sit down next to you. “if i told you, you wouldn’t believe me.” elias lets out a soft laugh while sitting down across from you. “tell me, i wanna know.” elias sighs lightly before he starts speaking again. “i’m with them,” he gestures over to brock, jake, quinn, thatcher and troy. you look over to see them all waving at you and laughing at elias, you laugh softly and wave back at the before turning your attention back to elias. “ah, so i’m guessing you’re on the canucks?”

elias lets out a nervous laugh. “yeah, why don’t we go somewhere else where the boys aren’t up my ass?” you take another sip out of your drink. “i would love to.” he holds out his hand for you and as you guys walk out you can hear the guys chirping, but when you look over to elias you can see him giving the death stare to the boys and it makes you laugh. “you have a scary death stare jeez.” elias leads you to his car. “that’s surprisingly what the fans love me for.” he smiles at you before opening the car

door for you.

“…and that’s all what led me to being on the canucks.” elias said to you while eating a chip out of the chip bowl you had prepared. it had been a couple hours since you guys left the bar and went back to your apartment, you don’t know why but it felt like you and elias had such a strong bond already that you both felt like you can talk for hours and hours and never get tired of each other, he felt the same way too. “jeez, i kinda sound like a douche. i’ve been talking about myself all night, please tell me more about you.” elias said to you while you laughed at his words.

“it’s all good, i’ve been the one asking questions anyways.” you smiled while responding to him. “no seriously, tell me something about you before i have to go which i really don’t want to by the way.”

you look at the time and realize its almost twelve am so you proceed to give him a quick response. “well, i’ve lived in vancouver my whole life. and i’m currently going to ubc as a nursing student.” you smiled at his now very amused face.

“see, that’s something i wouldn’t have known if you didn’t say it,” he laughs a little before he finishes his sentence. “can i get your number? i have practice early tomorrow morning but i’m free for the rest of the day if you want to hang out.”

you smile at his words and take his phone from him. “of course you can, i’m free tomorrow too just give me a call.” you said while handing his phone back to him after you’ve entered your number. elias gives you a wide grin and you both get up so you could walk him to the door. “goodnight elias.” you look up at him with a smile as he’s standing in the doorway. “goodnight y/n, sweet dreams.” he said and then started to walk down the hallway towards the elevator. “pettersson!” you called out at him and he turns around confused. “text me when you get home.” he gives you the thumbs up and you close your door and head to bed.

no ones ever shown this much attention to elias before, at least no one he’s truly cared about.

he smiled to himself on his drive home cause he was excited to text you again.

*contact name changed to “y/n<3”*

text message to y/n<3:i just got home, thank you for the awesome night :).

it’s been a couple weeks since you and elias had met at the bar, you basically hung out with each other anytime you could.

you were each others best friends at this point, sure the guys would make fun of elias for being in love with you but you couldn’t see it, elias knows he has some feelings for you but he wasn’t sure about it yet. he also didn’t want to risk the amazing friendship you guys had started.

“hey, are you coming to the game tonight?” elias asked over the phone to you.

you let out a sigh before you start speaking. “i’ll try, schools been really hard lately but i should be able to finish studying tonight.” elias could hear the tiredness in you voice and it hurt him to see you like this. “y/n, its okay. you don’t have to try and make it, focus on school its way important. you have many more games of mine that you can watch.” he left out a soft chuckle at the end of his sentence.

“i’ll still try though, i’ll give you a text if i can make it.” you said to him as you looked at the last large text book you had to read through and look at the giant pile of coffee cups surrounding your desk.

“okay, love you, i gotta go.” “love you too e, good luck.” you both quickly exchanged goodbyes as you started reading your last text book. you knew there was no way you were going to be able to make it to his game tonight and you felt really bad, you sighed it off as you put your attention back to studying and occasionally looking at the canucks game that was now playing on your tv.

the game had ended, canucks lost by one but petey is a sore loser so obviously he was sad, which made him show up at your apartment, he brought pizza from your favourite place downtown.

you were passed out on the couch though, which resulted in elias having to pull out his spare key and sneaking into your apartment.

“elias?” you mumbled out as you felt him sit next to where you were laying on the couch, he motioned for you to lay you head on his lap and you did.

“hey sleepy girl, i brought our favourite pizza.” he said to you with a smile. no matter how bad of a day elias was having, you could always make him smile.

you positioned your head so you’re now facing up at him and you give him a big smile. “thank you, can we snuggle and watch a movie?” elias starts rubbing your cheek softly. “of course we can y/n.”

the night ended with you and elias falling asleep on the couch together while watching a movie he had picked out, you both forgot about all the stress from today and just enjoyed the moment.

“he loves you, you know that right?” brock said to you as he came by and sat next to you.

it was the start of summer, tanev decided to host a little barbecue for the whole team before everyone left vancouver and went back to their home towns for the summer.

you were sitting in the backyard watching elias talk to huggy. “what?” you said to brock with confusion. “no he doesn’t.”

brock scoffed at your response. “dude, you can’t be serious. how do you not see it.”

you thought about what brock said for awhile before you gave him a response. “does he talk about me?” you looked at brock while taking a sip of your drink.

“does he talk about you? of course he fucking does y/n, all the time. especially when you don’t show up to our games, it’s worse when we’re on the road.”

you smile to yourself at what brock said.

you were quite tipsy by the end of the night and elias didn’t want to let you go home alone, so you spent the night at his place.

“elias?” you said in your sweet drunken tone as you both settled into his bed, and you faced your body in his direction.

“yes?” he said while playing with your hair softly.

“brock said something to me earlier,” you said while pulling your body close to his.

“of course he did,” he said with a sigh. “what’d he say this time?”

“apparently you talk about me a lot?” you said with a soft laugh and your fingers now tracing up and down his back.

“yeah, yeah i do. i talk shit about you all the time.” he says sarcastically knowing where this conversation was going.

“hey!” you said as you playfully punched him. “i was going to do something but i guess not anymore.” you said with a huff.

he lifts your chin up to face him. before you knew it you guys were kissing each other, it was a soft, long and sweet kiss.

elias pulled away with a big grin on his face and you did too. you talked to each other for the rest of the night, you ended up falling asleep before elias did but he did too shortly after.

you woke up to the smell of elias making waffles, you hugged him from behind and he didn’t even notice you were awake until you did that.

“it smells really good,” you said to elias before kissing his cheek and begging for him to hug you.

he pulls you into his grip and whispers in your ear. “do you wanna go to sweden with me for the summer?”

you look up at him with slight shock. “yeah, why not.” you said to him with a smile and he gets very excited and spins you around, you kiss for awhile until you smell something burning and you pull away.

“shit.” elias mumbles as he deals with the burnt waffles and you’re both laughing your asses off.

#elias pettersson #elias pettersson x reader #elias pettersson imagine #petey #pettersson #nhl canucks #vancouver canucks #canucks hockey #canucks #vancouver canucks x reader #nhl #nhl imagine #nhl hockey

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

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Ive been reading some debates on whether or not Dick has LoA training because of the Vengeance Academy stuff and was wondering what you thought about that. Do you think this counts?

Yes and no? I mean, lol, it depends on your purposes for exploring this train of thought.

Thing is, I personally think it would be a mistake to view “League of Assassin training” as some complete singular thing that you either have or you don’t have, like a specific training regimen or course work for lack of a better analogy, that you either make it to the end of and have in its entirety, or else it doesn’t matter.

And I also think that part of the reason for viewing it this way is fandom’s tendency to try and rank the Batkids, according to a lot of various arbitrary variables like skillsets they do or don’t have.....which, if you’ve followed me long enough, you know is something I heavily disagree with, the trying to rank them in skills or competency in general.....as I tend to be more interested in ways this found family that I do ultimately gravitate towards for their ability or potential to be actual FAMILY, can like.....work together and come together rather than so constantly be pitted against each other. Like yeah, I’ll rant to Kingdom Come about times they’ve been pitted against each other in terms of my feelings on those specific instances or how the dynamics played out in them, but that’s in terms of scenes or stories that already exist....for the most part my thing is not really looking to INCREASE the divide between the characters, but rather the opposite.

So like......my point here is I’ve mentioned the League of Assassin training Dick likely has from his time at Vengeance Academy myself, but not in the interest of like......adding to his ‘rankings’ within the Batfam or being like anything the others can do he can do better, as frankly, I don’t think the time Dick spent at VA puts the training he got there as directly comparable to the time Damian or Jason or Cass spent with the League or League trained tutors....but that’s not really my aim in exploring that line of thought. Rather, I look at what League training Dick might have as being more a possible source of insight into experiences his siblings have.

After all, the thing about the League of Assassins is they’re very good at what they do, but what they do isn’t inherently all that different from any of the other hand-to-hand combatants throughout the DC Earth. I mean, depending on what continuity you go with, in most of them Bruce himself trained with the League or various League affiliated teachers before he came back to Gotham to be Batman, and he just sorta took what worked for him and put aside all the more lethal applications of their training and knowledge. But his own training methods when teaching Dick and the other Robins and Batgirls no doubt included more than a little overlap with League skills and training, because not all of their knowledge and expertise is STRICTLY lethal....as Bruce himself has shown, and later on Jason and Cass and Damian....most of what they can do can just as easily be repurposed for non-lethal combat. So in a lot of ways, depending on your interpretation of things and what angle you’re going with, all the Batkids can be said to have some degree of League training.....the same training Bruce himself had.

So when I talk about Dick having League training from his time at VA, Ilike I said, I’m talking more about insight, things he could glean from having firsthand knowledge not just to various League techniques or skills, but also League training methodologies and mindsets. Dick was only there a few weeks, at most maybe a couple months, and the thing is....you can pack a LOT into fairly short term experiences. That’s what boot camps are, essentially, and that’s how I viewed VA....a short term but extremely rigorous and intensive boot camp for prospective League recruits, as Shrike used it to put potential League candidates through their paces with little regard for their health or longterm prospects if they couldn’t make the cut. I called them prospective League recruits but its important that the kids weren’t recruited into VA itself first....they were literally kidnapped off the streets like Dick himself, and forced to prove themselves daily in their training and the missions Shrike set up to advance that. And all of that can be extremely motivating and act as a pressure cooker that packs a ton of training and skill acquisition into very short periods of time......BUT.....that’s not ever going to measure up to all of that being equally in place and acting as a pressure cooker when training Jason, Cass, Damian, etc over even LONGER periods of time, y’know?

BUT. Equally true is all of that is never going to measure up directly to the still extremely intensive and longterm training Dick himself received OUTSIDE of VA....just one on one with Bruce, training with the other Titans, hell, this is a guy who was an acrobat on the world stage before his parents died. Every day of his life he’s been training intensely. VA isn’t just a footnote compared to the lengthier League training some of Dick’s siblings underwent, its a footnote in the overall tapestry of Dick’s own training. And I have extreme reservations about the way League training is referred to as something various Batfam members have in addition to or on top of their other training as reasons for why they’re an even better fighter, etc....same as when Talon training comes up for Dick in AUs....when like......Bruce, Dick and the Batfam overall have never NOT ultimately defeated the League and the Court of Owls every time they come up against them.....so why does assassin training so often get regarded as this ‘leg up’ over the Batfam’s primarily non-lethal approach to combat, as though its a superior skillset? If its inherently superior, why do the assassins keep losing to the Batfam, I’m just saying. So on that front, the idea that “was trained by assassins” is innately translatable to higher elevations in the eternal quest to rank the Batkids, like.....just does not work for me and that specifically tends to be where people lose me here, not whether or not Dick has this training at all in the first place.

Another way to look at things here is like....let’s take one specific skillset: Dick’s use of escrima sticks in his fighting. Now, this DIRECTLY hails back to his time at Vengeance Academy. It was a literal plot point, that VA is where Dick first trained with escrima sticks and discovered an affinity for them. Once he was back with Bruce though, he didn’t do much further with this while Robin, but upon becoming Nightwing, he picked them up again and RENEWED his training with escrima sticks, becoming extremely proficient with them and making them his signature weapon.

Now, is Dick’s status as one of the best fighters with this particular weapon because of his several weeks boot camp when he was ten? Again - it just depends on what you mean by that specifically. If you’re asking did he gain the proficiency he’s known for with that weapon AS a ten year old during that short span of weeks - hell no. His proficiency comes from the intensive, regular training he does with them here and now, as an adult, over a course of years, still constantly growing and improving day by day. BUT at the same time, you can ask the same question and examine it through the lens of “would he have ever discovered and explored and FURTHERED his affinity with this particular weapon if not for his time training at VA”.....the answer could still very well be no. Thus his training there matters, its just its not the only thing that matters, and the context and qualifiers that go not just with this question but the reasons for asking that question and the purposes you intend for the answer.....all of that matters too.

So to circle back.......do I consider Dick’s time at Vengeance Academy to be him having League of Assassin training?

Yes, but I must specify that my reasoning for that, and for exploring that line of thought, have absolutely nothing to do with my view of Dick’s overall status as a fighter, and everything to do with my view of him as a brother.

I think Vengeance Academy was tough and brutal, and did a lot to increase and hone Dick’s skills in various areas over an extremely short period of time. I think that it absolutely left an impression that shaped his training and fighting in later years whether in terms of preferred weapon choices or even choices he makes in the heat of the moment, like Last Laugh (which I think absolutely built upon Dick’s feelings about having once stood over a similarly unrepentant and mocking Two-Face years earlier, gun in hand, poised to make a choice.....as well as Dick’s awareness of how many times Two-Face, like the Joker, has busted out of jail and hurt and killed more people since that time).

But I also think that Dick would still be one of the foremost fighters in the DCU even without his time at VA, and that his short time there is not anywhere close to being the reason he’s at the heights of skill and aptitude that he’s reached over the course of years and years of rigorous, intensive training.

So while my answer remains yes, he has League training and it matters and counts, my reasons for bringing that up will never be because I think it adds to his status or reputation as a fighter, or is necessary for him to be as highly regarded there as he is.....but more for what his time at VA, his firsthand experiences with their approaches to training, the methodologies and ideologies they train kids with, what all of that gives Dick in terms of insight to members of the League, and to those people League members have trained, like his siblings.

One thing I’ve long wanted to see fandom explore more in the context of Jason’s views on killing is the fact that so much of that was shaped while he was in the pressure cooker of being freshly resurrected, traumatized, still an impressionable teenager, with feelings of obligation towards the League for the Pit’s rejuvenation of his mental faculties, taking him in and training him, and like......feeling isolated and abandoned by everyone else who’d previously known and loved him, thinking that he had no one who really cared about him, and that not only was he dependent on the League for his survival at that time, but like, he owed them and he was that much more open to being persuaded of their way of looking at things.

And thing is, in terms of like, scale and shit, Dick’s experiences in Robin: Year One and his own mindset at the time and how vulnerable he was mentally and emotionally, they’re not the equivalent of what Jason was going through but like I’m always saying, when you stop looking at trauma in terms of arbitrary rankings and stop pitting what the various Batkids have been through against each other’s experiences and just like......look for potential common ground, this opens up SO MUCH potential bonding, insight and understanding between the brothers and positions Dick to be so much more capable of intuiting even a sense of what Jason went through at the time and why he was clinging so desperately to things he may or may not have actually believed in (at least so strongly) if circumstances had been different, etc....but you get what I mean, I think. There’s so much that can be done with this angle, that’s opened up entirely just by virtue of Dick having SOME shared experiences here.

Because while like I said, in terms of actual training, Bruce has a lot of the same skillsets and knowledge the League does, and his own history with them, its the MINDSET that’s so key here. The one thing that sets Bruce and his experiences when he was a young man with the League and League affiliates apart from Jason, Damian, Cass, etc.....is that Bruce went looking for training, and never was without resources or options. The League-trained Batkids though were either approached (or ‘approached’) by the League at key low points of extreme vulnerability in their formative years, when they HAD no other options (or felt they didn’t) or else were just outright raised by them like Damian or Cass, with no knowledge of anything else until they left or escaped. And that puts everything through an entirely different filter, because its that specific element of vulnerability, of having no one else to turn to or anything else to cling to or put your faith in, that renders you particularly vulnerable to being influenced or exploited by those who seem to hold all the cards there.....and its a shared insight that Dick can have into various of his siblings BECAUSE of his League of Assassins training, as short as that might have been, because of the specifics of why it was so intense and influential despite how short a time it was.

So. In conclusion:

Does Dick have League training because of his time at VA? My answer is yes, but not if the follow up is anything in the vein of “and how does this factor into which of his siblings he can or can’t beat while sparring.” In that case my answer is yes but YAWN. If however the follow up is along the lines of “and can this open up tons of doors for potential conversations, bonding, trauma-unpacking or camaraderie with siblings due to their own histories with the League and its training methods and teachings and mindsets” then my answer is YES GOOD NOW LET’S HAVE SOME MORE OF THAT PLZ.

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asleepycoyote · 3 years

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My prompts

So I have written some prompts that you can ask to use. I will continue to add more. The ones that have italics or look like 'this' can be anyone's dialogue. I just added it so you know it's not only one person talking. To ask, you can just request the number of the prompt/s you can ask for multiple prompts, but please don't add too many. The ones that have a period at the end of the numbers, don't mind that. That's for me to remember something. Okay, anywho, take your pick :D. Remember you don't have to request one of these, you have your own idea, that's good! I'll be happy to write it! If you have a certain gender you want the reader to be don't forget to ask! You can also request me to add prompts to the list too! Okay so here's the prompts :)

1 "Oh no."

"What is it? What happened? Who died?"

"I think I just felt an emotion."

"You have GOT to be kidding me."

2 "Excuse me. I have to go make a scene."

3 "They're like a hurricane in human form."

4 "Fix it."

"It's a ransom note: I don't care about grammar!"

"There is no excuse for bad grammar."

5 "What does the little blinking light mean?"

"It means... wait blinking light?"

6 "What letter comes after 's' in the alphabet?

"T?"

"Ooh, yes please!"

7 "Why is there a magical portal in the bathtub?!"

8 "I love you from the bottom of my heart, but I don't trust your cooking. Stay out of my kitchen."

9 "We can't have a crisis- my schedule is already full..

10 "How long have you been standing there?

"Longer than you'd like."

11 "Small fire! I said to set a small fire! This is not small!"

12 "I want to go home."

"And I want to go to the moon. It ain't happening, sweetheart. Time to accept that."

13 "It's really not that complicated."

14 "Close the door."

15 "It's three in the morning."

16 "Why are you helping me?"

17 "Just trust me."

18 "What are you thinking about?"

19 "Someday you'll thank me for kidnapping you?"

20 "Who sent you here?"

"I wasn't sent here... if anything, it was an accident."

"Made by whom?"

"Myself, I suppose."

"You sent yourself here on accident?"

"Well, I certainly didn't come here on purpose..."

21 "I just want to be happy."

22 "Can I sleep over? My parents are fighting again."

23 "Why won't you let me help you?!"

24 "You know we make a pretty good team."

25 "You're a horrible liar."

26 "You're freezing. Come here."

27 "I'm saying that because I care about you!

28 "Sing me a song please.

29 "I can explain./!"

30 "Come here."

31 "The real treasure was the memories we made along the way."

"I almost died!"

"Ah yes, that was my fondest memory."

32 "They're crying, what do I do?"

"Go comfort them."

"How do I do that?"

"Start with hugs."

"With what?"

33 "Somehow you don't even have to open your mouth to make my head hurt."

34 "Stop waking me up in the middle of the night."

35 "Any shorter and you'd probably fade out of existence."

36 "I fixed you breakfast. I know it's just a bowl of cereal, but it's the only thing I can't burn."

37 "You just gave off the impression that you want to murder everyone you look at."

38 "It's not my birthday."

"It's definitely your birthday."

"Give me a calendar and I will prove it to—oh. Never mind. Happy birthday to me."

39 "Bold of you to assume I wouldn't just summon a trans-dimensional entity to help me avoid all my problems."

40 "I'm not human. I never was. So, why are you expecting me to act like one?

41 "Everything here can kill you, but I can do it most efficiently."

42 "They took my wallet. Yes, just my wallet. Well.... maybe my passport too."

43 "I don't think of you as a protector. More like a friend."

44 "You deserved that."

45 "Shh, shh. You were dreaming."

46 "I won't leave you behind."

47 "You should be in bed."

48 "What's our exit strategy?"

"Our what?"

"Oh my god, we are all going to die."

49 "Oh my god, you're taking up the whole bed."

50 "I could keep you safe, they're all afraid of me."

51 "I trusted you!"

52 "I know your secret."

"You're gonna have to be more specific there, buddy. Which one? I have a lot of skeletons in my closet."

53 "Who gave you that black eye?!"

54 "Everyone keeps telling me your bad guy."

55 "Why? Because I don't want you to get hurt, that's why!"

56 "You're scared of that, aren't you?"

57 "Come on, when have my calculations ever been wrong?"

"Well-"

"Shut up, that was one time."

58 "Enjoying the view, sunshine?"

59 "While I do enjoy the silent treatment, I wasn't aware I had done anything to you."

60 "I think that's enough."

61 "They deserved it."

62 "What... is this?"

63 "You can't be serious!"

64 "I'm not sorry!"

65 "Who are you?"

"Oh sweetheart, I'm your worst nightmare."

"Wait a minute. Your that guy that tripped over my shoes on the bus this morning and said thank you-"

66 "Just because I'm helping you doesn't mean I care, your death would be a minor inconvenience. That's all."

67 "You owe me."

68 "Don't make me come in there."

69 "Don't touch me."

70 "That wasn't funny."

71 "I am fully convinced you never graduated kindergarten."

72 "Am I doing it right?"

73 "For God's sake! Who have you killed now?"

74 "Do you even know how to fly this thing?"

"Normally, I'd lie and say yes, but considering the fact that I almost flew us into that building, I'm going to assume you know the answer."

75 "What are you doing?! Don't eat it!"

76 "Feel free to admire me."

77 "You're insane!"

"I know! Isn't it great?"

78 "You don't know a thing."

79 "The truth is I never loved you."

80 "Is this a game to you?"

81 "Stop yelling at me."

"I'm not yelling at you! I'm just... being abnormally projective in the vocal region!"

"Otherwise known as yelling..."

82 "Don't ever forget me. Please?"

83 "I screwed up."

84 "You're my regret."

85 "No, sir. I am not underestimating the kidnappers. YOU are understanding my grandmother."

86 "Stay away from the llama."

87 "No one visits my grave anymore... wait. I don't even have a grave!"

88 "Tuna shamed."

89 "Well, I can scratch that off my bucket list."

"Who puts getting arrested on their bucket list?!"

90 "I-I can't stop it. I'm sorry..."

"It's okay, it's okay. Just breathe. You don't have to be sorry for anything. I got you."

91 "What am I supposed to tell my parents? 'Hi mom and dad, I ,snuck out past curfew, almost died, discovered I can teleport, and now I'm joining a gang of superheroes.'"

"Maybe don't use the word 'gang'."

"You think that's the part they'll have the most trouble with?!"

92 "Give me the wallet or I shoot."

"No."

"What do you mean no? I'm serious, I will shoot you."

"Let me repeat myself. No."

"Um... okay I guess."

"Aren't you going to shoot me?"

"I don't know. This hasn't happened before."

"Well, until you do, wanna grab a bite to eat? I'm starving."

93 "Watch me."

94 "I thought you were dead."

95 "You're never going to let that go, are you?"

96 "Was that supposed to hurt?"

97 "You have to leave right now."

"I love you."

99 "I hate you.

100 "I didn't catch your name."

"I didn't throw it."

101 "How long has it been since you last ate something?"

102. "No, don't look at me!"

103. "How many marshmallows can you eat?"

104 "Why did you kick so much in your sleep? Are you constantly dreaming about soccer?"

105 "Destroying lives, one person at a time."

106 "Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am.

107 "Just breathe."

108. "STOP EATING MY LASAGNA FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

109. "I don't understand why you should feel the urge to do that."

110. "I trust you."

"Wow, that incredibly... stupid of you."

111 "You broke my heart and all you can say is sorry?"

112 "You can't really blame me can you? You can only blame yourself."

113. "You keep painting me as the villain."

"Because you are the villain."

114. "Who could ever love someone like you?"

115 "I never stood a chance, did I?"

"That's the sad part - you did once."

116 "I've missed this."

117. "Who are you to tell me how to live my life?"

118. "Are you going to yell at me too? I guess I do deserve it."

119 "I don't want to have another surgery."

120. "Quit touching the IV."

121 "I was going to say something mean about them, but decided against it."

122 "How do you like raisins? How do you feel about a date?"

123. "Are you going to stand there or are you going to kiss me? I'm tired of lying to my diary."

#my writing prompts #dialogue prompt

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twoidiotwriters1 · 4 years

Text

Written In The Stars LXV (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: I’m soft and EXCITED cause we’re starting book four next week and you guys have no idea what’s coming -Danny

Words: 1,798

Warnings: None! Tooth rooting fluff

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Book IV

Chapter Twenty-Four: Good Omens.

Dumbledore left when Harry walked out of Lupin's former office, he stopped when he noticed Mel was outside.

"Oh," He said, "I thought you'd be with Ron and Hermione."

"I was talking to Dumbledore," She replied simply. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes," He moved to where she was standing. "I talked to him too, when you left the office..."

"You did?"

"I was... I told him that I felt like our mission hadn't made a difference," He explained. "He told me I was wrong... sort of."

"Sort of?" She smiled.

Then Harry told her everything. Including the prophecy Trelawney had told him on their last day of exams. She had to admit, it sounded terrifying, but their teacher was known to be a bit dramatic. Still, the part about the dark lord rising... she didn't like that bit at all.

"What he said about the people that loves us never leaving..." Harry frowned, trying to put his thoughts in order. "They help us when we're in trouble, one way or another... I'm lucky to have you, Ron, and Hermione. Emily, and Sirius... they care and they'd help me if I needed them to... Not everyone is that lucky, though."

"I suppose so," Mel tilted her head, patiently waiting for the rest of whatever he was trying to say.

"Erick," It was the second time he'd mentioned the boy's name and it still sounded completely strange coming out of his mouth. "What you said about his family... he doesn't have many people helping him. I guess... I understand why'd he go out of his way to talk to you... You're brilliant and all..."

"Thanks?"

"What I mean," Harry pressed on, having a hard time expressing himself. "What I want to say is, I think you're a good friend and you're right– I shouldn't judge people without knowing their story first, that's what made me think Sirius was trying to kill me... I'm sorry I reacted that way, my interactions with the Slytherins haven't been nice, but I get that not everyone has to be the same. I trust you–"

Harry's speech was interrupted when Mel threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly (no kisses this time, though- She wasn't going to do the same mistake twice) and apologized profusely.

"I know... Mellow, I can't breathe!" He complained.

"Sorry!" She stepped back. "Sorry..."

"So... I'm your hero now, right?"

"What?" She frowned.

"You said that whoever made the dementors disappear the other night was your new hero, turns out it was me," He smirked.

"I was also there!" She exclaimed. "That was my Patronus too!"

"Well, you can't be your hero!"

"Says who?"

"It doesn't make sense!"

"I say it does. I'm my own hero," She teased. "For all I know, I saved your life this time."

"I've saved your life before," He pouted.

"Now you're just being pretentious..."

"I went to see Professor McGonagall this morning, just before breakfast. I've decided to drop Muggle Studies," Hermione commented once they were settled on the train's compartment.

"But you passed your exam with three hundred and twenty percent!"

"I know, but I can't stand another year like this one. That Time-Turner, it was driving me mad. I've handed it in. Without Muggle Studies and Divination, I'll be able to have a normal schedule again. Besides, I asked Erick and he told me he'd be happy to tell me all about what he studies in class."

"I still can't believe you're friends with him," Ron rolled his eyes. "And I still can't believe you didn't tell us about the time-turner. We're supposed to be your friends."

"I promised I wouldn't tell anyone," said Hermione. "And you know how important it is to keep secrets when you're not the only one involved..."

She looked at Mel, who was looking at Harry, who was looking out the window with a sad expression.

"Oh, cheer up!" said Hermione.

"I'm okay," Harry jumped lightly. "Just thinking about the holidays."

"Yeah, I've been thinking about them too– Mel, Harry, you've got to come and stay with us. I'll fix it up with Mum and Dad, then I'll call you. I know how to use a fellytone now —"

"A telephone, Ron," said Hermione. "Honestly, you should take Muggle Studies next year..."

"Or ask us more about muggle life, like Erick does," Mel teased.

Ron ignored them.

"It's the Quidditch World Cup this summer! How about it, Harry? Come and stay, and we'll go and see it! Dad can usually get tickets from work."

Harry did cheer up at that.

"Yeah, I bet the Dursleys'd be pleased to let me come... especially after what I did to Aunt Marge..."

"I'd love to see the World Cup!" Mel said excitedly. "I can picture it already, all the wizards from around the world..."

They wasted a whole hour playing and talking when Hermione pointed out to the landscape.

"Harry– What's that thing outside your window?"

It was the smallest owl Mel had ever seen. It dropped a letter onto Harry's seat and began zooming excitedly around the place. Hedwig clicked her beak while Grey and Crookshanks sat up, following the owl with their eyes. Ron caught the owl safely and threw a disapproving look their way.

"It's from Sirius!" Harry said happily.

"What? Read it aloud!"

'Dear Harry, I hope this finds you before you reach your aunt and uncle.

I don't know whether they're used to owl post. Buckbeak and I are in hiding. I won't tell you where, in case this owl falls into the wrong hands. I have some doubt about his reliability, but he is the best I could find, and he did seem eager for the job.

I believe the dementors are still searching for me, but they haven't a hope of finding me here. I am planning to allow some Muggles to glimpse me soon, a long way from Hogwarts, so that the security on the castle will be lifted.

There is something I never got around to telling you during our brief meeting. It was I who sent you the Firebolt —

"Ha! See! I told you it was from him!"

"Yes, but he hadn't jinxed it, had he?– Ouch!"

'Crookshanks took the order to the Owl Office for me. I used your name but told them to take the gold from my own Gringotts vault. Please consider it as thirteen birthdays' worth of presents from your godfather.

I would also like to apologize for the fright I think I gave you and Mel that night last year when you left your uncle's house. I had only hoped to get a glimpse of you before starting my journey north, but I think the sight of me alarmed you. I am enclosing something else for you, which I think will make your next year at Hogwarts more enjoyable. If ever you need me, send word. Your owl will find me.

I'll write again soon. Sirius

P.S. Mel, if Remus tells your mother what happened during the school year, will you please send her my regards? I miss her, I'm hoping I'll find a way to communicate with her soon.'

"I absolutely will," Mel smiled widely. "What else did he send, Glasses?"

Harry looked inside the envelope. She saw his eyes grow in surprise and then he was grinning, handing the small piece of parchment to her.

'I, Sirius Black, Harry Potter's godfather, hereby give him permission to visit Hogsmeade on weekends.'

"That'll be good enough for Dumbledore!" said Harry. "Hang on, there's a second P.S."

'I thought your friend Ron might like to keep this owl, as it's my fault he no longer has a rat.'

Ron's eyes widened.

"Keep him?" he repeated.

He looked closely at the owl for a moment; then, he held him out for Crookshanks to sniff.

"What do'you reckon?" Ron asked. "Definitely an owl?"

Crookshanks purred.

"That's good enough for me," said Ron. "He's mine."

"You know," Mel said to the boy once they arrived at the station. "I'm really sorry you can't live with Sirius, but there's a good side!"

"Which is?"

"I'll still be your neighbor!"

"I thought you'd be happy," He teased. "Finally getting rid of me, a well-deserved break."

"I was happy because Sirius cares about you and you would've had a good life... besides, I get to see you in school, which is almost the whole year."

"Well," Harry put an arm around her shoulders. "We'll still have to stand each other for the years to come."

"I think I can live with that," She chuckled.

"I'll call about the World Cup!" Ron yelled after they parted.

Mel saw her mother standing a few feet away from the Dursleys and ran to meet her.

"Hello!" She said cheerfully. "Do you think we can stop by that place we like to get lunch? I'm– You know everything, don't you?"

Emily was looking down at her with such a severity that Mel prepared herself for the impact.

"Time-turners, dementors and sneaking out of the castle after curfew," Emily whispered angrily. "Helping a convict escape, attacking a Professor–"

"Snape had it coming!"

"Are you trying to drive me insane?" Emily hissed. "I swear, every time I get a letter I feel like I'm about to hear you murdered a teacher!"

"You're exagerating–"

"Watch me overreact all the way to our house, young lady!" She retorted.

"Very well," Mel sighed. "Can I tell you two things first?"

"What things?"

"I spent a whole year having a normal period -dreadful and gross, not reccomended– but that means I can take the potion now! Second, Padfoot says hi."

Emily's mouth opened and closed, her eyes never leaving her daughter's face.

"How do you–"

"Didn't they tell you the whole story?" Mel asked. "I'll have to do it myself, then..."

"What's that?" They heard Mr. Dursley spat at Harry while they walked past. "If it's another form for me to sign, you've got another —"

"It's not," Harry smiled brightly. "It's a letter from my godfather."

"Godfather? You haven't got a godfather!"

"Yes, I have– He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though. Keep up with my news... check if I'm happy..."

Mel and Emily shared a look and left quickly, holding back their laughter until they were safe inside their car. There, both of them laughed until their stomachs hurt.

"You know," Her mother said breathlessly. "Prongs would've been so proud of his son..."

"I know," Mel smiled, looking out her window and watching Harry's gleeful face as he walked out of the station with a terrified uncle following close. "We all are..."

Next Part —>

Taglist.

@tiphareth2018 @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @omiwashere @steve-thotgers @kylosleftbuttcheek @tomshollandz @thesuitelifeofafangirl @reverse-hxlland @bloodorangemoonlight

#twoidiots writing #hp fanfic #Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter xoc #hermione granger #ron weasley #WITT fic

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madisonrooney · 3 years

Note

hi it's your secret santa! first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i hope you have a wonderful day! how are you celebrating, if you are at all? safely, i hope! either way i hope you manage to find a way to have a great day full of love!! consider my christmas gift a belated birthday gift as well lol. anyway i loved reading your last answer, it was so thoughtful and sweet. i realized after reading that i barely know anything about dove lol so follow up q: what about dove makes you love her so much?

sorry for the late response! the last couple days have been v busy and ive been super tired and dissociative on top of it so i made a point to save this bc i wanted to give it my full attention!

first of all thank you!! i was going to do a virtual meet and greet with one of my favs from jersey boys but he got confused about timezones so we rescheduled but were doing it next week! then i went to a virtual walt disney family museum panel, had pizza for dinner and watched some liv and maddie, my mom made a cookie cake that we ate while watching the grinch musical, and then some friends and i watched the jersey boys movie together over skype!

im so glad you enjoyed reading my last answer! and oof thats another loaded question (i love it tho)

- like i said when first talking about what drew me to her and liv and maddie, a big thing is just how much passion and love she puts into her characters. ofc she puts passion into every character she plays, but its the passion she puts into characters like liv, maddie, and mal that means the most to me. that goes back to the fact that ive dealt with a lot of negativity directed towards me for enjoying disney channel, and then you have dove out here saying “yah im a teenager/twenty-something who not only respects what theyre doing on disney channel, but puts my all into it” not to mention she even won an emmy for playing liv and maddie in season 4! i hope that passion and talent has started to change the conversation about disney channel, and tbh i think it has at least a bit. ofc, none of this is to say other people her age acting on disney channel arent talented and passionate, but idk, something about her has always stood out to me. i find her to be more animated and expressive than most. it can be hard for me to read emotions in live action movies and shows, so thats been really important for me. not to mention she was not only playing the lead but TWO lead characters on a four season show with distinct personalities but also subtle similarities. AND the main character in the biggest DCOM franchise in years for 5 years running now. PLUS the fact that there was a period where those were both happening at the same time. she was only 16 when she started all this and hadnt even had any big roles prior to it!! she had a lot of responsibility so it was amazing to see her not only pull it off, but excel at it.

- i just love like....her aesthetic?? shes always seemed to be a very old soul to me, into old jazz music and poetry and stuff like that. its just very charming. and for her to have that aesthetic on top of being a disney channel actress is a fascinating juxtaposition.

- this is kind of sappy and it gets tiring to hear it said over and over again but that doesnt mean it isnt true: i love how transparent she is about her struggles with mental health issues, trauma, and such. she has been for a long time but even more so over the last year or two. no shade to anyone else, but a lot of actors dont really give you a look into their personal lives, they just share and promote their product. im not saying theres anything wrong with that, its good to know what youre comfortable sharing, ive just felt all the more close to her with her being as open as she is, especially as someone who has gone through trauma myself, albeit different from hers.

- kind of connected to that, i love how important spreading kindness, positivity, and love is to her. thats another thing thats been said a million times but still, its very important to me.

for example. she’ll randomly tweet things like “i love you” a lot. im one to always think of the thought process that goes on behind whatever someone posts, texts, etc., bc personally i put a lot of a thought into pretty much anything i say or do before i put it out there publicly, probably bc of my social anxiety. even tho its a simple statement and takes her a couple seconds to post, she still had to have the thought “i want to remind my fans that theyre loved” or something along those lines. and she has this thought FREQUENTLY. to just randomly get a notification every few days or weeks or so of her saying something like that is just very heartwarming to me.

the reason i connected with miley so much when she helped me through my initial trauma was bc it felt like even if no one loved me, she loves her fans, thus she loves me. thus the person i love and admire the most loves me. even if its only one person, it can be enough. it was for me at the time. i feel that same way with dove. when she came into my life, i didn’t feel as unloved, but her love was still helpful to me.

- of course i need to specifically talk about her kindness in person too. dont get me wrong (ive been saying that a lot havent i lol), i totally and completely loved her long before i met her, but naturally, i love her 10x more after the experiences ive had getting to know her in person.

i could go ONNNNNNN about the experiences ive had with her, and i have lol, and if you already heard me ramble about this in the server i apologize, but the most important thing ive taken away from every encounter ive had with her is this: she always goes the extra mile. she always goes out of her way to make people feel special. what i mean by that is she could say/do HALF as much as she has when meeting me and i would still leave over the moon feeling loved. you can tell she does this in excess bc she really truly means it and cares about people like me, she doesnt have any kind of ulterior motive and isnt just going through the motions doing whats asked of her, she simply cares about me and the rest of her fans. some examples - the first time we met, i was sobbing (lol) and she hugged me for a really long time, rocking me back and forth, brushing my hair with her thumb, calling me sweetheart and honey. she even started to tear up a bit herself. - a couple months later, i went to my first liv and maddie taping. i was preparing to reintroduce myself (i looked a little different bc id been cosplaying as maddie the first time i met her) and ofc when preparing myself, i fantasized pretty heavily as i usually do and pictured myself showing her the pic of us on my phone, her gasping, jumping out of her chair screaming, and hugging me, thinking that was probably way more than i was gonna get. that is EXACTLY what happened. then she went on to tell me how my costume made her whole weekend. things like this would continue to happen where i would set the bar impossibly high and not only would she meet it but she’d exceed it. - our usual interaction from there on would start with her face lighting up when she saw me, her calling me some kind of cute name like love or baby, and then hugging me without me even having to initiate it. - when i saw her in mamma mia, i didnt know when id be seeing her again afterwards after pretty consistently getting to see her for 2 years, so i wanted to make sure we got some kind of closure. at the stage door, i reminded her how much she meant to me and just expected like an “aww i love you too” or something back, but she said “you are an angel in my life” and i will never forget that. obvs, i havent told her ALL the details about what she and her characters mean to me but like...she can tell. she can tell if im in a homemade maddie costume sobbing into her arms that theres something there, and shes VERY appreciative of that. - i thankfully got to see her at a meet and greet a few months later and every time i thought i should get going cuz i didnt want to hold the line up, she would just open her arms for another hug. speaking of being appreciative, she even said “thank you for being such a supportive fan.” as i left, i turned around to say one last goodbye. i made sure she wasnt with the next fan yet and yelled out “bye!” and she yelled back “I LOVE YOU!!” and blew me a kiss. again, its the little things. - i saw her at a small panel in new york a few months after that. she walked in the room when the lights were down as they were playing a clip, she quietly waved hi to everyone, then saw me and loudly whispered HI BABY!!! and stopped on her way to the stage to give me a hug. (then she looked at me from the stage and asked which way i thought she should cross her legs for the interview lol) - sometimes when she sees im next in line, shell give me a knowing smile or whisper “hi baby!!” or something like that. she saw me in the crowd after clueless and seemed to make a point to come to me last bc she knew wed be talking for a while, which we did. she even told me she’d seen me in the audience, asking if i was in the front on the left, which i was.

even all that is still just scratching the surface. weve “known” each other for 5 years now and every time i think she’s done the most she can do, she outdoes herself again. not to mention when im at these events, i see her treat all the fans she meets with all of that kindness too. naturally all of this has made me love her all the more.

- finally, lets just be honest here..........................shes REALLY fucking hot.

#gcwca secret santa #Anonymous

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kirishwima · 4 years

Note

Can I please have some headcanons for the RFA meeting MC's older brother, who is EXTREMELY over-protective? The "hurt her and I'll kill you, my sister deserves the best" type. (If you can add Jihyun and Saeran that'd be great, if only to see Big Brother facing both the sweetest man alive; and another man who is both a care bear and 300% more edgy than he could ever hope to be)

ok but like....my mystic messenger OC has TWO brothers, an eldest one who’s a sweet fluff bean and a twin who is EXACTLY what you’re describing lmao, so this is a scenario ive had stuck in my head for ages, bless you for sending it in lmao :DD

i’ll also be using she/her pronouns since you’ve specified them!

YOOSUNG:

* When he’ll first meet MC’s brother, he’s...actually not that worried? He’s met his sisters boyfriends before and sure, he’d tell her his opinion on them but he never like, tried to intimidate them or anything so...how bad could this go?

* Very, as it turns out.

* When Yoosung joins MC with her brother at the specified coffee shop after class, he’s met with two polar opossite looks; the one of fondness as MC waves him over, and a glare strong enough to freeze up the sun, from a man standing next to MC with his arms folded.

* Yoosung took slow shaky steps towards the table, feeling the dark aura surrounding him until it nearly suffocated him as he stood across the glaring man, MC oblivious and nonchalantly beaming up a wide grin as she leaned up to kiss Yoosung’s kiss.

* Throughout their...talk? At the coffee shop, Yoosung felt scrutinised, MC’s brother barely joining the conversation unless she prompted him to, preferring to stare Yoosung up and down instead.

* At some point MC excused herself from the table, leaving Yoosung to face the wrath of her older brother alone, with only his cup of milkshake and purple-pink straw to fend for himself.

* As MC’s brother watched her walk away, he turned back to Yoosung when she was out of earshot, his brows furrowed as if permanently in that position.

* “Listen, I’ll lay it out simple for you. That is my little sister you’re dating, the one I’d kill a man for without second thouhgt or remorse. Hurt her and I hurt you back thrice as bad, got it?”

* Yoosung blinked slow, like a squirell looking into the eyes of a shark. He made to nod before shaking himself out of his trance.

* “Wait, h-hurt her? I’d never-no! If I ever dared hurt her-which I’d never! I love her! But if I ever accidentantly did anything to make her cry, I-I’d come find you myself and ask you to beat me up!”

* MC’s brother stared at the blond dumbfounded, his lips a frown before he snorted out a laugh, loud as he shook his head and brought a hand to Yoosung’s shoulder.

* “Good” he said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, “I like that response. Don’t forget what you just said kid” he said, tightening his grip on Yoosung’s shoulder as a warning.

* And so, Yoosung never forgot.

* N E V E R.

ZEN:

* Well...Zen was warned about how over-protective MC’s brother was, and how the moment he heard about their relationship he demanded he meet Zen for himself.

* And listen, Zen gets it-if he had a sister he knows he’d be just as protective, but the odds were NOT in his favor when it came to leaving a good impression on MC’s brother.

* For one, a quick search of Zen’s name online would not only bring up his many shirtless photos and fans’ screeching about him, which he wasn’t embarassed of, not really; but it would bring up that whole mess with Echo Girl, and second of all

* The day MC asked Zen to come to a resturaunt to meet her brother, of COURSE a flock of fans had to find him at the entrance, surrounding him and giggling at everything he said, one evern asking for a picture only to reach their arm around Zen’s and lean in as if to kiss him for the photo.

* That in itself wasn’t too bad-sure MC never liked it and honestly Zen didn’t either, but it’s something they both had gotten used to. No, instead, it was bad because all the fiasco happened RIGHT in front of MC’s now furious brother.

* As Zen excused himself from his fans and walked towards the table MC and her brother were sat at, he brought his hands in front of him as if to protect himself, apologizing for what just took place as he took a seat besides MC.

* When Zen leaned in to kiss MC hello....he politely turned it into a quick peck on her cheek as MC’s brother threw ice cold daggers to Zen with his glare.

* Zen tried explaining himself, professing his love for MC at every opprotunity, making her have to hide her face in her hands more than once in embarassement, he even explained the whole Echo Girl fiasco to her brother with MC backing him up on the facts.

* Still, her brother wasn’t pleased.

* At some point as Zen kept monologuing, MC’s brother put the glass he was drinking from down on the table with a little too much force, surprising Zen into silence.

* “Look, to be frank I don’t care how much you say you love MC. You’re an actor, hell, you could say ‘I love you’ to a rock and make it look romantic, it’s your freaking job. What I wanna know is, will you always be loyal to her? Will you be there for her when she needs you, or will you be chasing tail around some popular Kardashian or something?”

* MC tried to speak up but Zen halted her, giving her hand a quick squeeze under the table where he’d interlocked his fingers with hers.

* “Thank you for your honesty. If you allow me, I’ll be just as frank in my answer?” he asked, waiting for a nod from MC’s brother to continue. When he received it he nodded back, breathing in before collecting his thoughts.

* “I plan to marry your sister.” He ignored MC’s surprised gasp, simply squeezed her palm in his with a soft smile. “First of course I’d like us to move in together, find a place we can both call home. I’ve had some significant memories in my current place, but I’d leave it in a heartbeat if it’s to find a home with MC. Then I’d propose in the grandest gesture I can, but well, the when and how’s not something I can reveal right here” he grinned, stealing a quick glance at MC’s flustered face, “we’ll get married and I know she’ll be the most beautiful bride the world has seen. If she’ll have me and would be happy to, then the next step would be children. I...I haven’t told you yet” he turned to MC, his smile sheepish, “But I’d love a boy first, then a girl. So he’d be a big brother and protect her at school, because we’d raise him right, he’d be a little knight in shining armor. And she, she’d be our little princess, and we’d love them both just as much. Maybe get a dog for them too, two if you want-”

* He ignored the lodge in his throat as he continued, biting it down along with his embarassement. “And even if she wanted nothing from all that-so long as she wants me, I’ll be there, through thick and thin. So no, I’d never turn to look at another woman, ever-how could I? I have all I need right here” he said, and tugged his and MC’s interlocked fingers to rest atop the table isntead of under it.

* And well-MC’s brother had little to say after that, looking down sheepishly as he thought.

* “Ok just-damn, I had a whole speech ready and you beat me to it” he huffed. “Just-I want to be involved in the wedding planning!” he grinned.

* Turns out he’d soon become best bros with Zen lmao, who would’ve thought

JAEHEE:

* Honestly...it’d be impossible for MC’s brother to be harsh with her.

* He’s always been MC’s number one supporter, and knowing she’s found herself such a caring and smart girlfriend he’d be happy for his little sis.

* If there’s anything he’d be harsh about, it’d probably be their plan to open up a coffee shop so quickly. He wouldn’t be mean about it, but he’d sit down with MC and Jaehee and talk it through with them, telling them to consider the risks and how they’d be losing their previous jobs for this.

* Well, Jaehee had it all covered-she’s made a spreadsheet covering the coffee house’s estimated expenses and how they’d be handled going forth for at least one year, and ways to combat every little possible drawback.

* Even MC’s brother was awed, staring at Jaehee like she grew a second head.

* “You..” he started, “good luck dating my sister” was all he said, earning an elbow to the ribs by his little sister.

* Yeah, Jaehee is definitely the best girlfriend for his little sister, no doubt to that-he can’t even give her the whole ‘If you hurt her I hurt you’ spiel because...honestly the odds of her ever hurting MC are slim to none lmao

JUMIN:

* Honestly, in levels of intimidation, they’d both be the same lmao-MC’s brother would try and intimidate Jumin and he’d be completely unable to catch the hidden threat in his words-or rather, he would, but Jumin being Jumin would simply choose to ignore it.

* He’d even rertort back to every little comment her brother made with valid points as to why he’s the best husband for MC.

* “Don’t you think you’re too obsessed with cats?” MC’s brother asks. “That simply shows how devoted I am with my love and interests, which means I’ll always care and love MC with my whole being.”

* “Aren’t you just some pompous rich dude?” MC’s brother asks, rather rudely. “I don’t know about pompous, but I am rich, yes, which means I’ll always be able to provide for your sister whatever she desires.” Jumin replies.

* Honestly...he’d make MC’s brother give up on his indirect threats, and simply come out and say ‘look, I don’t like you getting married to my little sister so fast-she barely knows you!”

* And that’s the comment Jumin had been waiting for. It’s why he met up with MC’s brother in the first place; Jumin values family, and he wanted all of MC’s loved ones to be on board with her marrying him before going through with it, so that their marriage would be a happy event for everyone involved.

* So Jumin spoke honestly. “I know it’s rather fast, but we both know our feelings for each other are true and strong, and we’ve been through more in the short period of time we’ve known each other than others have been in a lifetime. Your sister is a remarkable person and she’s the first to ever draw such feelings from me, and I never want to let her go. If she’ll have me, I want to be besides her, ‘till death do us apart.”

* Well, by that point...well, MC’s brother knew how MC spoke of Jumin, how much she loved him. He was never going to fully oppose this wedding, he simply wanted to be sure both parties were completely on board with this.

* Besides...one glance at Jumin’s bodyguards let him know for certain that him threatening this millionaire with physical harm wouldn’t roll well here lol

SEVEN/SAEYOUNG/LUCIEL:

* It’d take a LOT for MC to convince Seven to meet her brother.

* Saeyoung...he’d never feel ready to meet him. What kind of face will he show to MC’s family? What will he tell them? ‘Hi, I’m the hacker that put your sister in an apartment with a bomb then took her with me to a cult’s den to find my missing twin brother? Also my dad’s a super dangerous person and we went through hell and back because of him?’

* Yeah...no.

* So for the longest time, he avoids meeting MC’s brother. Even when MC moves in with Saeran and Saeyoung, even then Saeyoung still finds excuses to postpone their meeting.

* Until one day, Saeran comes back into the house with a bag of groceries and a frown.

* “Some dude’s out there and threatened that he wants to talk with me about MC. I told him I’m not the one that’s dating her but he seems way more mad than before, you should probably go check what that’s all about” Saeran shrugs and disappears to the kitchen, leaving Saeyoung to manically check the security cameras to see who this man is-and of course, it’s MC’s brother, leaning on his car that’s parked right outside their house.

* So...there’s no more avoiding it, not when it’s come to this. MC wasn’t even home, so of course her brother had come here to...what? Beat Saeyoung up? Threaten him? And if he did, what right did Saeyoung have to fight back? There was nothing he could offer MC, and anything her brother would say to him would be correct.

* “If you want some advice or anything-” Saeran’s head popped out of the kitchen, a tub of ice cream in hand, “I say just go out there and tell him all the sappy things you tell MC when you think I ain’t listening. He hears someone talk to his sister like that he’s bound to think ‘ah fine he loves her’ and leave you alone’ he shrugged, disappearing back into the kitchen.

* With a sigh Saeyoung dragged himself outside, walking like a sheep to the slaughter as he came to stand across MC’s brother.

* Absent-mindedly, he noticed the car behind him, nodding as he took in the model. “A Fiat Abarth 500. Which year’s? They’re some tiny but mighty sports cars” he mumbled, more to himself than MC’s brother, who stared wide-eyed at the hacker.

* “Uh...it’s a 2012 one” he replied dumbfounded. “The best ones were manufactured that year” Seven nodded along.

* Were they...accidentantly bonding?

* What was meant to be a long intimidating speech turned into a 30 minute conversation about sports cars, that only ended when MC walked to the entrance of the house to find her boyfriend and her brother talking animatedly about....cars?!

* When she asked her brother why he was here he seemed to snap back to reality, pointing a finger to Saeyoung’s chest.

* “You...I was here to warn you! Ask why you were hiding yourself from me and tell you to meet me face-to-face like a man if you want to be with my sister..! But uh-you’re actually a pretty decent guy? I mean I’ll still kill you if you hurt my sis-”

* “If I ever dared to hurt her I’d have her kill me herself then have my twin brother hide my body” Seven retorted with a straight face that made a shiver run down MC’s brothers spine.

* And that’s the story of how MC’s brother and Saeyoung ended up not only becoming best friends, but MC’s bro being the only person Saeyoung ever allowed to drive one of his babies, E V E R.

SAERAN/UNKNOWN/RAY:

* He’d never admit it, but meeting MC’s brother sent chills up his spine. He had never been in a relationship before, and now here he was-he was meeting her family, living together with her-a completely changed man, and as happy as he was for the change, he was equal parts terrified.

* And as it turns out, his fear wasn’t unwarranted-her brother was a menace, sending glares Saeran’s way from the moment he came into their home for dinner like MC had invited him to.

* Yet the thing about Saeran is this-when he’s scared, he hides it like an ace up his sleeve, becoming more agressive instead, like a cat that fluffs its tail to turn its fear into a threat.

* Each jab from MC’s brother was taken and thrown back to him tenfold by Saeran, who whilst sweet to MC, was more and more cold throughout the night to her brother, much to MC’s dismay.

* It came to a point where the two were prety much fully argung, standing and threatening each other with forks and spoons over the dinner table as MC sighed, sinking into her seat waiting to see if either of them will cave and stop.

* “You’re such an asshole how can you even fucking say you care for my sister?!” “Fuck you that’s how!” Saeran screamed back.

* It escalated and escalated until MC had had enough. With a loud thud she got up from her chair, ramming both her palms onto the table, demanding the boys’ attention.

* “Shut up! Both of you just-stop it! You-” she pointed to her brother “You’re my brother, I love you and respect you, but you’re at my house and you’re yelling at my boyfriend!” she accused, making her brother look away with a scowl, “and you!” she pointed to Saeran next, “You were so sweet, worrying about what kind of foods my brother would like and even going out of your way to cook all this, only to be so rude when he did arrive?! What gives??”

* The two seemed embarassed at their actions at least-MC’s brother had his hand on his neck whilest Saeran folded his arms around himself, looking down to the floor.

* “You uh-you cooked all this?” her brother asked, nodding to the table. Saeran nodded, willing his blush to leave his face, the traitorous blood supply.

* “It’s pretty good man. I thought it was my sister, but she can’t boil pasta to save her life so uh-I was wondering who cooked.”

* “...She almost burnt the kitchen down. Twice.” Saeran supplied, smiling as MC’s brother chuckled.

* By the end of the night the two had sided in teasing MC, but she merely rolled her eyes at them-seeing them bond even over them making fun of her was worth it.

* When she excused herself to go bring the dessert, there was an awkward silence between the two boys before Saeran spoke up, making sure that MC was already in the kitchen and out of earshot.

* “I know I can-I’m an asshole sometimes. I’ve done shitty things, I’ve been mean, and without being aware of my actions, I’ve been mean to her to-” he nodded to the kitchen, “but never again. Even if I’m an ass with everyone else I’ll always cherish her. I love her, she...she’s my sunflower.”

* Her brother didn’t reply, but Saeran knew; they both knew the severity of his words.

V/JIHYUN:

friendly reminder i havent played the after ending yet orz

* After all the mess MC had been put through-getting abducted by a cult, only to end up spending a full month besides some dude who got stabbed in a hospital-her brother finding out about it all through the PHONE as he’d called his sister a million times for days whilst her phone was out of service and she wasn’t at her apartment-and then this dude up and DISAPPEARED FOR TWO YEARS? Only to then come back and start dating his sister?

* Nuh-uh. MC’s brother was gonna have some choice words with this asshat, this-cult-loving playboy who toyed with his sister this way!

* When MC’s brother walked up to MC’s place where she’d invited both this Jihyun guy and him for coffee...he expected some big player kind of guy with a snapbcack hat or something.

* He did NOT expect this lanky tall mint-coloured man with this disarming sweet smile, awkwardly extending his hand for a handshake to MC’s brother.

* All the threats MC’s brother had prepared were lodged in his throat as he took a seat across of Jihyun on the living room couch, answering his small talk questions as if they were fast new friends.

* Once MC sat down besides Jihyun and together they explained everything that had happened...Jihyun’s ex and her psychotic delusions, how he did everything he could to help but failed, how his brave little sister MC hepled Jihyun out of that situation-

* “Dude...that’s so messed up” MC’s brother ended up saying, his coffee grown cold as he got so engrossed in the story he didn’t even take a single sip.

* Jihyun nodded sheepishly, biting his lip. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in this story, ones I’ll never repeat, and once I’ve only been able to acknowledge thanks to MC” he admitted.

* Wtih a more confident look, Jihyun held MC’s free hand in his, looking her brother in the eye as he spoke.

* “I know I’ve hurt her a lot in this story, and if I could re-do it all again I’d do everything in my power to keep MC out of harm’s way-but the past is the past and I can’t change that. I can however promise that so long as she’ll have me, I’ll always be besides her to protect her and love her, no matter what. I cherish your sister more than words can convey, and I’d only wish to have your acknowledmgent in this relationship-I’m sure it’s something that would make MC happy too.”

* Honestly...where did his sister find this marshmallow of a man?? Her brother simply nodded, biting back tears-why was this dude so damn sweet, jeez.

* “D-don’t-if you hurt her I hurt you, got it?” MC’s brother sputtered half-heartedly.

* The fact that V nodded along sincerly and said ‘of course’ didn’t help.

* MC’s brother actually gave Jihyun a pat on the back before leaving, mumbling ‘you’re a good man dude’ quiet enough for his sister not to hear.

* Everyone loves Jihyun and that’s. them. facts.

-send me mysme headcanons for character reactions!-

#i went v overboard w these lmao i love the overprotective brother trope #probs bc my older brothers never cared much about me ;u;#asks #mysme #mysme prompts #mystic messenger prompts #mysme headcanons #mystic messenger headcanons #Anonymous

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revol-lover · 4 years

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i know i have become a shit post queen but this site is a good place to just dump thoughts when i’m too lazy to actually write them down so don’t mind me. also i’m “ok enough”. like i’m not ok-ok but i’m not like badly not ok.

ok? anyway.

so idk what it is. being raised by emotionally distant parents esp my mom or the depression thats probably also related to that but man i just feel so empty for such long periods of time. empty, or maybe detached is a better word. and just really really restless. and also that when i have good emotions, i dont feel them all that much. idk. sometimes i feel like i’m on the outside looking in on my life. i have a lot of feelings but then at the same time i dont. maybe because i repress a lot then it all builds up and explodes. idk. its awful though.

i also feel like i have two very distinct sides to me. half of me is like fuck this shit i just want to self destruct but i wont because i’m too responsible to do that and the other half is like wow life is so interesting i am a spirit not a body and i want to be an enlightened being. neither of those sides of me is less me than the other. neither is a farce or anything but its fucking hard for those two sides of me to coexist. the only middle ground, which is probably like 1/3 of the time how i feel, is blah. neutral to absolutely everything.

and i think ive talked about this before but before the whole corona/quarantine thing i was at this extreme level of DONE with feeling isolated in my life, esp as a sahm. done with falling into the trap of believing being a mom was my whole identity (and its definitely a part of it, of course. but i think its unhealthy for moms to think its all we are) like i totally lost myself for a while. my daughters birth being traumatic and her having potential life long complications (and ‘potential’ meaning, her diagnosis is so complicated. theres never going to be a time where we get a real “all clear”. some kids have developed seizures again way down the road, especially at certain ages where kids go through a lot of development.) and then ofc just raising a child with all of that going on, plus normal toddler craziness, plus having a kid who is super hyper and smart and amazing but parenting after having a difficult relationship with your own mother is one of those things that is really hard and not talked about enough. i never feel like im doing enough. i never feel like she likes me.i know thats so stupid but i really am that insecure about my parenting, no matter how hard i try. i just want my child to love me and sometimes toddlers do things that make you feel like crap (ex ‘i dont want u mom i want daddy!’ and i can rationalize it, dad’s the exclusive parent. i’m just here all the time like the furniture. i get it.) and its just a big complicated thing with my emotions. not what i was trying to say tho i got off track.

anyway the isolation thing. so i had a plan. a plan!!! i have this one awesome long time friend, honestly my only friend outside of my husband who knows me like the good bad and ugly, has known me for a very long time, and has been there for me through some really tough shit. he’s like the brother i never had, truly. (i have a biological brother but we dont really talk.) so i talked to him about things i was going through and he’s also been going through a challenging time in his life and he told me he’d help me get out there. we were going to force me to learn to socialize and make friends in “real life” by putting me in those situations. we were going to go to some poetry club. a show downtown. like i was ready. then corona happened. and my already crawling out of my skin isolation got worse because hey we cant do anything now, not even see my one friend.

so yeah. i was fine in the beginning of all this because i figured, hey by may itll be over! then hey by june! then maybe 4th of july. which has become, my daughter is so excited about her birthday party in august and i dont even know if i can throw her one and i dont know how to deal with this or explain it to her.

i know this is major first world problems and im all over the place and i document this dumb shit because i hope one day i’ll be so far past it and be able to look back and think well wow i made it through 2020 but yeah idk

i think part of it is i’m turning 27 in two weeks and my saturn return thing is just getting so close and i’m starting to see the beginning of shit in my life crumbling underneath me. like i know what i gotta do. i have to put myself out there. i have to get out of my safety zone. and i have to use my gifts to help others not just sit here drowning in my self pity but obviously its hard to challenge yourself and put yourself out there, literally, during a pandemic.

and the last point which is just something that boggles my mind about myself that i dont understand. like i’m definitely depressed. i have very bad anxiety too. and even though i can be extremely self pitying and go into like a black hole of sadness, i still dont let myself do bad things. which is good, obviously. but its iike i’ve been recovered from self injury for probably about ten years but some days i am so deep in my shitty feelings or empty feelings that i just want to do it again but i cant. theres something in me that wont let me. and i guess im glad for that, obviously. i guess my life/universe/guardian angel is trying to force me to face shit for real and not just have shitty coping mechanisms but idk. like it was a bad outlet but idk. sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like it did more for me than just writing things out. which is bullshit because it did nothing for me except give me a bunch little permanent reminders of shitty times. but idk. that’s my brain for you. sometimes i want to just let it all go and be a mess in my feelings and not care if i’m ok but then my brain is like nope bitch you cant do that. youre not 17 anymore, get up.

and i know some people would read this (well no - no one would read all this lmao but in a theoretical sense) and think like, oh did you try therapy or oh maybe try meds and the thing is

therapy - i tried it. i liked the idea of it. bad fit with the therapist tho. didnt like being kicked out after 45 min (which i understand but bitch i need more than that to explain one problem) and it felt weird to be told by her, that she felt like i had a good handle on things. cause i dont really feel that way and i feel like she didnt have much to tell me in terms of how to idk fix myself besides journaling, which i’ll give her. it helps

meds: i i dont really want to go that route yet because my body is really sensitive to medication. like i dont even take bc or anything like that. however i think ive decided that since its super legal and obtainable i might try pot once we are able to move into our own place. so if anyone did actually read this far and have experience with that (esp w anxiety) please enlighten me. i had some samples of some cbd stuff and it was amazing for my anxiety but it’s way too expensive for me to use consistently.

this has been a very long shit post but i feel better so theres that.

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vermiliondrug · 4 years

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little-magicpuff replied to your post “furyleika replied to your post “furyleika replied to your post “My...”

This is great! Ive been on the fence about Seasons so this is good to know it actually varies up gameplay. I was worried it would make it more tedious. Do you have any favourite mods? The only one I really know is Wicked Whims (which I mostly just use for polyamory and turn everything else off for)

Aaa I am glad that it was helpful! <3

Seasons is definitely worth the money. Only issue I have is if you aren’t careful when there is extreme heat or its cold AF, then your sims can die in the most dumbest ways. I’ve had sims dying from overheating because the thermostat was put to warmer during the summer and I totally forgot about it... And a few days ago a random sim died outside my sims’ house because he was talking to someone and literally froze to death and turned into a block of ice. :P

*cracks knuckles* Ho boy, here we got with the mods!

MC Command Center - There ain’t no TS4 without MCCC. Seriously, get it. It allows you to tweak your game way more than the game allows, i.e. you can change how long each of your sims stage is, allow homeless sims to move into empty houses, allow townies to actually breed, change how many male/female sims that will be generated in the world (same with aliens, vampires etc.). There is a lot of options you can tweak and I honestly recommend it. It even adds an auto-save function for you if you want.

WickedWhims is definitely a must if you want better options for poly and make it easier to make some FWB stuff. (and if you want to ...... spice up your gameplay ahem) I believe it also removes the Mosaic/sensor stuff?

Basemental Drugs - Now uh, I am not really fan of the whole drug thing, but the creators have made it possible to have both the drugs and alcohol part or just one part of them. The alcohol part is probably the one I use the most, as it turns all alcoholic drinks to have their actual names and it also makes it possible to make your sims get drunk/addicted to alcohol (just like the Drugs part allows your sims to smoke weed and/or take a bunch of drugs and become addicted to it as well). I mostly use the alcohol system to give more depth to my sims going out/having a party and can get drunk (and do dumb stuff, i.e. drunk texting or have drunk woohoo).

Slice of Life - Had I known of this mod ages ago, I wouldn’t have installed WW in the first place, as this one adds A LOT of functions that I feel like is very good for the game and adds a lot more depth to it. You can pick and choose the functions you want to install, such as menstrual cycle (if you have WW installed then you should turn either the menstrual system off in WW or SOL otherwise your sims will have double periods... at the same time. :P), skincare/acne (i.e. if your sim have low hygiene they will get skin issues), more options on the phone to be social i.e. writing messages to other sims and social media, fleshed out sickness system where sick sims can make other sims sick etc. It also adds the option to let your sims hook up with each other, more interactions with teens etc.

ATICAS - Unlocks all possible sim traits, also includes some new ones and some that adjusts base game traits. Personally, I don’t like many of them as they are basically the final rewards of i.e. completing aspirations or if a sim had enough points in certain behaviors during the childhood, but I believe you can delete the ones you don’t want in your game and just keep the ones you’d like to use.

Coming Out - A small mod that allows your sim to come out to another sim. The options I’ve seen so far is to either come out gay, bi or transgender. Depending on who you come out to it’ll give them a really positive moodlet.

Additional Holidays - Adds more holidays that comes with Seasons. So far I have spotted easter, halloween and grilling with family/friends.

Family Reunion - A thing i miss from the old games... Being able to invite the WHOLE family! Basically just a social event without any goals. (I have yet to test it out myself since I rarely have proper sim families that goes beyond a first or second generation)

LittleMsSam (they’re on Tumblr) has a lot of minor mods that I can recommend. Here are some of their mods that I recently installed that I really like:

Automatic Thermostat - addresses the “problem” that I mentioned earlier. You pay like 999 simoleon and the thermostat will automatically adjust the temperature without worrying if they will overheat in their own home... :P

First Love - Cute lil mod that lets your sims admit a crush on another sim. I believe they can do this from they’re children.

Unlock Door for Chosen Sim - One of my BIGGEST issue with Discover University is how you can rest a part of a sims house to a roomate and then they bring their 10 gfs/bfs and their friends to the lot and these people just straight out walks right into your house and do whatever ... This makes it MUCH easier to just lock them out of your home, but you still have to specificially choose them and add them to the “lock door for sim” list. It just makes it less of a nightmare and also adds more options to choose from i.e. if you want a certain room to only be accessible by female/male sims.

I think this was all? I probably missed something since my mods folder is a mess. Most of the mods I’ve downloaded from TheSimsResource, the creator’s own blog or from their website. Hopefully this helped as well! ^_^

#little-magicpuff #inb4 my blog turns into a simblr rofl #maybe i should make one and spam with pictures of my simmies *thinking face*

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blondecarfucker · 5 years

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Bed of Roses (1988 Special)

Roger Taylor x Reader BoRhap!Roger Taylor x Reader

Fic Summary: It's 1971. You just moved to London to study, and you find a band on a local pub after a bad date. The encounter doesn’t go the way you expect it, and neither does what follows this evening as you try to deal with loving Roger Taylor.

Fic Note: So I’ve had this story in my head for the last three weeks and finally decided to write it down. It’s completely planned. It will have 21 chapters and it’s divided in three acts: Dusk, Night and Dawn. It’s will be a bit angsty in the future, and it will most likely have some smut as well. I hope you guys enjoy it! Tell me what you think about it in the asks/comments/messages. If this is your first time stumbling upon Bed of Roses, thank you for stopping by! The rest of the story is in my masterlist, the link is in my bio - can't put the link here or else the post will disappear from the tags.

Chapter's notes: so this is not even a real chapter??? i mean, it doesn't have a number - it's really a reallll epilogue, you really get to know what happen in the eleven years that follow the end of the story. this wasn't really on my outline - i just kept thinking about the characters cause theyre SO CUTE and DESERVE THE BEST and im an absolute softie so i couldnt help but write this. its probably a bit messy cause im tired atm but im happy i wrote this and i want to share it with you guys already. im curious to know what you guys think about it! - also, just making it clear, there's no story for a sequel, so there's no sequel coming. just so you guys know. thanks again for stopping by and reading my story and being AMAZING. im a bit rusty i guess so sorry about the size of the chapter

Words: around 2.8k

1988

You heard Roger hitting the drums as you opened the studio door.

"Hey, Y/N", Freddie said, coming to hug you. "It's your man recording", he told you, and you nodded.

"I see", you answer, and Jim comes closer to Freddie and says hello to you. You really like the way they feel at ease with each other - it just looks natural. It's been long ever since you saw Freddie so peaceful.

But Roger soon showed up in your field of vision, having just left the recording booth. "Babe, it's so good to see you", he said, hugging you by the waist. "Good seeing you too, Rog. What are you guys recording?, you ask, and Deacy answers.

"It's 'Rain Must Fall', just wrote it with Freddie", he says, as Freddie listens to Roger's recording.

"It's still not right", he says, and Roger sighs. "Be right back", he tells you, going inside the booth.

Now that you're paying attention, you realize it's latin percussion. "This is really nice", you tell Freddie, and he smiles. "Thanks, darling. How's the museum? Did it fall apart after you spent a month away?", he asked, and you laughed.

"Actually, they've been holding up quite nicely", you say, referring to the period you've just spent with them in Montreux. "They're getting used to it, I suppose", and he nods.

You and Roger have been taking turns the last decade on who's gonna spend time along with the other, but now, after you've got your PhD and was promoted to Senior Curator, your job could be done without official office hours, so you've been following Roger around a bit more - which is nice, especially when he's in Montreux, such a calm place you thought about retiring there, in the future.

"And this outfit, too, I love it. You look like such a serious business woman" Jim said, pointing to your tailleur. "I have to look the part, Jim", you shrug, and Brian laughs. "I miss your yellow Chuck Taylors days, Y/N", he says, and you laugh. "These shoes are killing me, so I do, too", you tell him.

"I won't invite you to dance, then", Freddie said, and you frowned. "Please do, Freddie. You know how I love these latin inspired songs of yours", you pouted, and Freddie laughed, extending a hand to you.

You could feel Roger's eyes watching you through the glass as you danced with Freddie. Rain Must Fall reminded you of Cool Cat, and even though the Hot Space days, in 1981 were complicated, it reminded you of an afternoon with Roger on a yacht on Lake Geneva, the two of you drinking mimosas and sunbathing as Montreux glimmed under the Riviera sun.

"God, I hate this fucking song", Roger said, sipping on his mimosa.

"It's not the best", you agreed, and he laughed.

"This fucking album, I swear to God. If it wasn't for you here, I would've dropped this", he said, and you got up to prepare another mimosa for you.

"Don't say that, Rog. You wouldn't drop the band", you said, and he sighed.

"You're right. But I would drop this album, though. This song, even - I didn't take part in anything regarding the production. I just watched, like you watch a car crash", he says, and it's your turn to laugh.

"You're so dramatic", you tell him, mixing the orange juice and the champagne. "But seriously, babe. Do you even like the songs we're making now?", he asks, and you take a sip of your drink.

"I like Under Pressure", you say, and you're happy to see his face lighten up as he laughs. "Of course you do. I'm impressed you didn't ask Bowie for an autograph yet", he said, and you laugh along. "I have to stop myself from fangirling every time he's around, you know. It's pretty hard, but I do my best not to embarass you", you told him, sitting by his side.

His sun kissed skin made his eyes even brighter than usual - like lapis lazuli on bronze.

"Like I try not to embarrass you by looking stupid when we're on one of your fancy dinners?", he asks, hugging you by the side. "Exactly", you told him, pressing a quick kiss on his lips. He tasted like orange.

As you now kept dancing with Freddie, Jim pulled Deacy for a dance too, and eventually everyone was dancing to Roger's percussion. Each had a different level of success, and you were trying to help Brian when Roger finished his part.

It made you happy to have moments like this. After A Kind Of Magic, in 1986, the band was fighting constantly - it made you sad to see such thing. Roger even created a side band, The Cross, and he worked with them for a while before reuniting with Queen for this new album.

You were always a huge fan of his solo work, but you never connected with The Cross - and you felt like he didn't, either. They never really challenged him, and anything only gets better after receiving honest feedback.

But now Freddie wanted to produce again with the rest of the band - as much as they could, non-stop. They wouldn't even tour after this album, The Miracle. You felt like Roger knew exactly why these changes happened, but he didn't share them with you. You didn't really mind - it was not only his privacy, but the privacy of the rest of the band members. The fact that he was trustworthy enough to keep his friend's reasoning behind a polemic decision private only made you love him more.

"Babe", Roger called, walking over to you. You hugged him, his known smell now more refined, cologne mixed with the patchouli and substituting the cigarette smoke - you both quitted smoking, since you heard it could be harmful for little ones.

"The kids are with their nanny, right?" Rog asked you, and you nodded.

It was 1982 when you realized you couldn't keep your breakfast - you vomited every morning, almost religiously, twenty minutes after you ate.

Roger was immediately concerned on the phone - you spent two weeks in Mexico for work, and it was only when Roger spent a weekend there at the end of your trip that he told you not to drink the tap water. So you were both convinced you had some parasite, and Roger took you to a doctor - he liked to spend time with you when you were both in London, even in boring activities, since you still lived in separate flats, always trying to take it slow - even though you felt like a teenager when you had to pack to stay a weekend at your boyfriend's house - and you considered talking to Roger about moving in together again.

The doctor soon realized there were no parasites inside you, but there was a baby - a 3 months old little boy, in fact, as the doctor confirmed after taking you two to the ultrasound room.

You could never forget Roger's face once he understood what the doctor told the two of you. He was going to be a father.

But the realization that you were going to be a mother took a little longer to hit you. It was only when you heard the baby's heartbeat that you really understood what was going on inside you - a baby. Your baby. Roger's baby.

Proof that you were together, proof that you belonged to each other, that you loved each other.

"This is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard", Roger told you, and you smiled in agreement.

Nine months later, Apollo was born.

You agreed on Apollo because you always thought about how Roger reminded you of Apollo, and it did remind you of New York, too - the Apollo Theater was a landmark only a couple dozens streets above the apartment you grew up in.

But Apollo was much more like you than he was like his dad. He inherited his dad's dirty blonde curls, but his eyes were just like yours, and so was his personality - he was very determined, liked to be alone, and a full blown nerd. He taught himself to read when he was four, and now, at age 6, he liked to read The Hobbit by himself.

He didn't speak with an English accent, oddly enough, even though he was raised in London - he spoke water like his dad, but copied your accent in every other word.

Roger would hold him and hug him and always spend time with "his little guy", always telling him how proud he is to be the father of a genius, and Apollo's cheeks would be flushed pink, just like yours did when Roger told you how smart you are.

When Apollo was born, you both agreed to move in together into a big family home, but you filled the walls with artwork and tapestry, and Roger made sure there was always good music playing - it didn't feel like you were abandoning your old selves to become parents; it felt like a natural step.

And for financial reasons - mostly to protect Apollo and to make taxes easier - you and Roger decided to get married. He tried to play the practical part, reaffirming marriage was just a title and the two of you were way beyond that, but you knew, deep down, that he was incredibly happy to get on his knees and propose.

It was a simple ceremony in 1984 - close friends and family under the hawaiian sunset, the Lana'i Island's atmosphere made you feel like you were in a dream. With a simple cotton white dress, you reunited with Roger - in a half open, white cotton button up - in front of a licensed marriage performer, and you became Ms Taylor.

Roger used any excuse to call you Ms Taylor, savoring the name on his tongue just like he did with your lips on honeymoon.

Apollo was 2, and stayed with his grandparents for a week as the two of you enjoyed your honeymoon on paradise. "It's funny how this is like, the millionth time I feel like I'm on honeymoon with you", you tell Roger, and he pouts. "If you consider honeymoon everytime we go somewhere amazing alone and keep fucking like teenagers, then yeah. But this is special. This feels more… I don't know. Official", he said, and you agreed.

And all that young love had a result - you soon found out you got pregnant again after a routine blood test. Roger was, again, the happiest man on Earth.

You felt calmer this time around - a kid and responsibilities didn't ruin your relationship with Roger the first time around, and you were actually pretty good parents.

So when Live Aid came about, you were huge - you enjoyed the many performances, but when Queen was onstage, it felt different. You could remember when, almost fifteen years ago, you saw these guys broke, rehearsing and travelling around in a van.

Now they were here, and in a day filled with performances from stars, they shined the brightest.

You don't know if it was all the emotions you felt watching them, but once you finally got home, the sun about to rise - Apollo long asleep - you sat down to prepare a warm bath for the two of you, but you felt something warm running down your legs. Your water broke.

You and Roger ran to the Hospital, and after a few hours, Artemis was born.

She screamed, not cried, once she first looked at you and Roger, almost annoyed - like she was sad she missed the show.

Artemis was a logical name choice - Apollo's twin in greek mythology - but the kid also got her strong will. She looked just like her father, big, round blue eyes and pink, full lips soon learned to express what she desired and complained when things seemed wrong in her perspective.

At the early age of three and with a reduced vocabulary, she convinced the two of you to get the smallest drum set you could find, and she tried to repeat her fathers movements on it, still too small for her tiny kit, but proud of the loud noises she made, hitting it recklessly.

Roger looked at it as if he was seeing a miracle.

The kids were raised primarily in London, but they spent some time in Montreux, when the band was recording, under their father's care, or on tour when you could stay with them - tour made the kids so confused about their whereabouts that it needed a conjoined effort - but now that the band was recording in London with no plans for long periods away, it was going to be interesting.

Apollo was just getting started in school, and soon it would be Artemis turn. They still had no dimension of their fathers - or their "uncles" - importance, but you and Roger talked about this, waiting for the day you'd have to explain your life for the kids, who you were before you were their parents.

You wondered if Apollo would think back on the time he went to dad's work and he was dressed as a woman - he couldn't recognize Roger when he was Rogerina while recording the video for I Want To Break Free until he took his wig off.

It was a better reaction than John's kids had, screaming in fear of the old, scary and tall lady that tried to pick them up.

The latest video recording was incredibly sweet, actually - it was for The Miracle, the single, and the band was going to be interpreted by 11 year olds. The kid that played Freddie was absolutely brilliant, mimicking all of his signature moves.

But it was the kid that played Roger who stole your heart.

As you watched the tiny Rog rehearse, you couldn't help but imagine Artemis hitting her drums - maybe in a few years, she'd be able to actually play something.

You also thought about Apollo, how he'd look like an even younger version of Roger if he was sitting on the stool, bouncing his curls and pouting in concentration.

You really loved the life you lived now, and when you looked back to all the drama that went between you and Roger so you could get here - two happy, fully realized people; and two great parents - you'd do it all again.

You kept thinking about it as the kid rehearsed Roger's part in the song, until you felt a familiar smell fill the air around you, and an arm snaking around your waist.

"Hello, beautiful stranger. Are you lost?", Roger whispered, his husky voice still able to give you chills.

"I am, actually. I can't find my husband, and I came here just to see him before work", you said.

"How did he get so lucky to have you?", he asks, and you turn around to kiss him.

"Actually, I'm his good luck charm", you say, pulling him closer to you.

He was ready for the shoot, so you felt bad when you broke the kiss and realized you transfered part of your lipstick to his lips.

"Shit, your makeup artist is going to kill me", you say, trying to wipe it away.

"It's fine", he says, kissing you again. "So I'm picking Apollo from school today, right?", he confirmed, and you nodded. It would always amaze you how you found your own level of responsibility, of the feared and dreaded domesticity, without losing the passion you had for each other. Taking it slow.

But now, back in the studio, you said goodbye to everyone, and followed Roger to a limo.

You always had your nights out - nights where you'd stay in a fancy hotel room just for the sake of being together in different ambiances. You two learned from your trip to Paris how it makes you more in love with each other, the new place making you fonder of what you know and love - in your case, Roger.

So when he popped open a bottle of champagne while you undressed, and once you were only in your lingerie, Roger took his own shirt off, knowing to pass it to you - a ritual, really.

You both went out, relaxed and comfortable, and enjoyed the view.

The Thames was below you, and you could see the entire city - if you tried, you could point where the bar you first met was, and Kensington Marked, and the first flat you shared. London was a huge part of your story.

"Let's make a toast", Roger said, and you nodded. "To what?", you asked, but you knew the answer.

You've been together for almost twenty years, now, so it's normal for you to know what to expect from Roger. But it doesn't feel boring - it feels like home.

"Us", he says.

Taglist:

@taylorroger-s @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @its-nessi @anamcg317 @frenchieswiftie @queen-danielle-dani-dan @minihemo @shutup-sorry @theyrealllegends @killerqueenisthebest @ashagracelove @hardy-s @fuckinghurricanesoul @secretsweetscollectionblog @mrswinterhater @11mb0 @tamtam-go92 @derptatosaur @brianandthemays @phantom-fangirl-stuff @the-hysterical-queen @rogerofmylife @notevenlxvely @discodeakyy @x1975sos @16wiishes @jennycidesstuff @partydulce @melros-e @onevisionliz

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alexiarexia-blog · 5 years

Text

04.13.2019

Please be aware that I will not be responding to any messages, asks, or replies at this time, or for the foreseeable future. Please respect our privacy and need to grieve. Thank you.

This is not an easy post. Our journey does not have a happy ending.

At 2:08PM on Saturday, April 13, 2019, our beautiful Camryn Rose made a very early debut into the world. She died in my arms at 2:13PM without ever taking a single breath.

Camryn Rose was born a full 21 weeks early. They don’t even call it a live birth at that point. Even though her heart was still beating until they cut the cord, it’s considered a second trimester miscarriage.

Regardless of what they call it, I call it heartbreak. I call it impossible.

I call it agony.

Camryn Rose. She was a girl. I don’t think I had even publicly announced that yet on Tumblr. Only a select few knew that detail. Only a select few knew I was experiencing complications. To those few, I am eternally grateful for your positivity and being there when I needed you. Especially @randomgirlusername. You were definitely my virtual rock when I needed to be completely honest with where my head was as we were playing that torturous waiting game, and in the weeks since.

To others, I need to tell my story. I know I don’t owe it to anyone, and I have a right to keep it private, but writing it out has been cathartic, and I want you all who have been so supportive and encouraging to know.

So, here’s my story.

WARNING: This story contains frank, graphic descriptions of a second trimester miscarriage. I can’t sugarcoat any of the details. If you’re at all squeamish, this may be hard for you to read. Proceed at your own risk.

On Thursday (April 11), I stayed home from work because I was feeling a bit off. But I’d been having trouble sleeping because of my asthma and allergies (both made worse by the pregnancy), so I figured I just needed a day or two to rest and catch up on my sleep. The morning was pretty smooth, just some mild discomfort that wasn’t usual for me. Mostly lower back pain that I typically attribute to the weight of my chest. I’ve felt that pain since my teenage years, so it wasn’t unusual.

Claire was still home. She’d cancelled her late morning office hours, but was still planning on heading to work for her two afternoon classes. We’d planned on ordering Chinese food for lunch and watching Lost Girl on Netflix.

Around noon, I began feeling a bit worse. My lower back pain had morphed into what felt very similar to bad period cramps. When I went to pee, there was spotting. Spotting during pregnancy isn’t unusual, but combined with the lower abdominal cramps that were continuing to worsen, we made the decision to call my OB and see about getting a same-day appointment to get everything checked out. The receptionist told us to hold for a moment, then she was back on the line in two minutes and told us to go straight to the emergency room as quick as we could. Claire drove like a mad woman and got us there in under fifteen minutes.

I was admitted fairly quickly and they did a pelvic exam where it was discovered that my cervix was extremely short. An incompetent cervix is the technical term. A normal cervix length at 17.5 weeks is about 3.5cm, but it can vary for each pregnancy. Anything less than 2.2cm is considered in the danger zone. My cervix was 1.1cm upon admittance. Essentially, my body was preparing for labor. I was only 17 weeks and 4 days. The earliest viability for a fetus is 22 weeks, and survival rates at that point are still incredibly low. There was zero chance she’d make it if they didn’t stop it.

I was given IV medication to try and stop active labor, but it didn’t work and by the following morning, my cervix was 0.8cm long. The next step was a cervical cerclage, which is a procedure where they literally sew your cervix shut with a thick suture. It sounds painful because it is. I was given an epidural to numb me, but when that wore off, I was in so much pain that I passed out from it a few times. I could only receive so much pain medication to help because of the baby. But it was worth it, all the pain and agony was worth it, to save our baby.

But it didn’t work. I developed a pretty nasty infection quickly (expected with this procedure) and it was being resistant to antibiotics. And then, at just past noon on April 13, 2019, my body gave up and my water broke. The force of it ripped the stitch from my cervix, and it felt like a red hot poker was being pushed out of my vagina. I’ve never felt anything more painful in my entire life. Physically, at least. What happened next was easily the single most painful experience, physical or emotional, I’ve ever had to endure.

There was nothing more to do to stop my body from labor. They gave me another epidural to numb me, then they delivered sweet little Camryn Rose. She was so tiny; I didn’t even have to push. She was already crowning. She weighed just over 6.5 ounces and was only 5.4 inches long. I held her as I cried. As Claire cried with me.

In all the years I’ve known Claire, I’ve only seen her cry from sadness two other times. Once was when her mother died last summer, the other when the grad student she was mentoring died in a horrific car accident several years ago. It seems death is the common denominator here. Claire is a solitary crier. I know she’s had more moments than I’ve been privy to than just what I’ve seen. It’s not that she doesn’t want me to see her break down. Or, well, that’s exactly what it is, actually. She’s stoic and a protector. She feels the need to be my rock, so she has to always be strong.

But she was crying freely as she held me the entire time, uncaring that all the medical personnel could see her. That my mom could see her. (My mother had flown out as soon as I’d been admitted to the hospital the day before.) She didn’t care, and for that I am grateful. I needed her to be vulnerable in that moment, just as she needed herself to be vulnerable.

My heart hurts for the loss of our baby, but it hurts even more for the pain it causes my incredible wife. She’s been through so much and I just don’t understand how she can keep going after all of it. But she does, and for that I am so utterly grateful and in complete awe.

Camryn Rose. We decided on the name as I held her. “We should pick a name.” Claire spoke those words as she brushed a finger across our daughter’s paper-thin cheek. We’d discussed a few names, but Camryn really stuck out in that moment. She felt like a Camryn. And Rose in honor of Mama Rocío, Claire’s mother’s, memory.

After we said our goodbyes, I had to be taken to the OR for a cervical repair. It’s as nasty as it sounds. They stitched my cervix back into place, but only after they had to perform a D&C (where they remove the placenta). I was thankfully still numb from the epidural, but after that wore off, it was more pain.

The physical pain, as bad as it was, was nothing compared to the emotional pain I felt. The emotional pain I still feel, and will for a long, long time.

I can’t become pregnant again. There was too much damage to my cervix. I’d never be able to carry a baby to term, no matter how much precaution was taken. That’s something I have to make peace with, but that’s also going to take a long, long time.

The mental trauma of this miscarriage has left me raw and sensitive. The smallest thing can set me off into a sobbing mess. The thing that gets me most right now? Mirrors. Yes, mirrors. Or photographs of myself. Because, even 3+ weeks later, I still look pregnant. The body doesn’t magically morph back to its pre-pregnancy state after miscarriage. I still have the rounded belly (not quite as much now, but still there) and puffy cheeks. That will take a while to go away. So for now, mirrors/pictures of myself are the sworn enemy.

Claire is incredible. She’s grieving as much as I am, yet she’s been my rock this entire time. Her and my mother. And my dog. Sasha the GSD has not left my side since I returned home from the hospital. Dogs are incredible, and we don’t deserve them.

Therapy has been a godsend. I’m nowhere near okay or ‘back to normal,’ but I can function day-to-day, and that’s a huge improvement for me compared to two weeks ago. It seems like it’s been so much longer than just over two weeks. It seems like it’s been a lifetime. Getting through the next days, weeks, months, years… seems impossible at times.

My saving grace is my support system. In particular, five people. Claire, my mom, Sarah, my therapist, and @randomgirlusername (seriously, y’all, if you didn’t know how incredible she is, take my word for it--she’s been a literal life-saver and I cannot thank her enough). I have my bad days and I have my good days. All days are emotionally trying, but some are less painful than others. Those good days are all because of this support system that I have.

And on the bad days, my support system knows exactly how to help me cope. And for them, I’m eternally grateful. I don’t know where I’d be, mentally, without them.

I’m okay. Or, I will be, at least. Even though this is the most difficult thing I’ve ever gone through, I have the support system to get through it. And because of that, I know I’ll be okay. I know there will be hard days and not-so-hard days. I know it won’t be all rainbows and sunshine, but it also won’t be all stormy weather. I remind myself in those bad times that it won’t remain like this. I will feel joy and happiness again.

It will just take time to heal, physically and emotionally.

#personal #update #Camryn Rose #tw: miscarriage

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boojersey · 5 years

Note

VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN

*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN

cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense is my sunburnt Brother

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)

What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history

Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.

#LONG POST #KAY I LOVE U BUT HOLY SHIT MY FOLLOWERS ARE GONNA GET MOTION SICKNESS FROM SCROLLING PAST THIS AT LIGHTNING SPEED #saltwaterfox

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diaryofchristinet-blog · 5 years

Text

Struggling To Conceive.

5 years. That’s how long my husband Austin and I have been trying to conceive. 5 years of unprotected sex. 5 fricken years. We knew early on we wanted to be parents. We so desperately want to hear the laughter filling the house, the tiny footsteps running down the hallway, and the sweet I love you’s. We knew we were made for this. To raise a little tiny human to one day change the world and make it a better place. As time went on these sweet dreams were replaced with sadness and disappointment.

A human can only take so much,but how do you know when enough is enough. About a year or two into our journey I began to think something was not right. I would often think “Why isn’t this happening? Why am I not pregnant?” These thoughts were reoccurring, however I just brushed it off as “maybe it’s just not our time”. I let another 6 months go by before I finally convinced myself to go to the doctor and search for my “why”. Looking back now I feel so sad for how blind and unprepared I was.

My first few visits with my OBGYN I learned a lot about my body. Things I never would have even known. I quickly learn that I have PCOS,which looking back explains so much. I have never had a normal period. They would be long and would drag on for 3-4 weeks. I also learned that I do not ovulate correctly, which I NEVER would have known if it wasn’t for my doctor educating me. It’s amazing how unknowingly blind you can be. The biggest thing I learned in those first few appointments though was a word I wish I would have never heard. INFERTILITY.

Infertility is a scary word. Some people are lucky to have a meaning behind it while others have no explanation as to why. So, with our new found term Austin and I set out on the next steps to start our dream. Our first stop being Clomid. Clomid is a lovely drug to help woman ovulate, however the toll it can take on your body can be rough. Mood swings, heat flashes, burst of anger. I was lucky enough just have mild mood swings and not much else. Was on clomid for awhile and during this time I would go in for vaginal ultrasounds (which was beyond uncomfortable) to measure my follicles. I did this two-three times. Things took a turn though when Provera was introduced to our journey.

First and foremost let me be completely clear about our friend Provera. PROVERA IS THE DEVIL’S DRUG. I absolutely HATE everything about this drug. Ive been lucky enough to not have cramps with my normal period, but when my doctor put me in Provera to “regulate” me that change. I experienced the worst cramps I have ever had in my life. The “stick a fork in my utures and twist as hard as you can” type of pain. And the bleeding was horrific. It got to the point where I would bleed through 10 pads an hour. It would have been beneficial for me just to sit in the bathtub at that point. The only thing it did do for me was shorten my period. My doctor had me take this devils drug for 2-4 months along with the Clomid and unfortunately no luck. So. We moved on to our next step.

Austin and I knew right away that we did not want to pursue IVF. Its unbelievably expensive and all the shots and hormones is insane. So at this point out option was an IUI. Still expensive but not as bad I suppose as IVF. For us the IUI would be 700-800 a month (they typically have you plan for 6 months I believe?). Now I learned if it doesn’t take the first time your chances of conception goes up by 20%. We talked to our doctor and decided to move forward. We got the IUI scheduled and I want in for yet another vaginal ultrasound to prepare. About three days or so my husband decided this may not be the best route so we canceled. And we were back at square one.

We took a break at this time. The disappointment was getting to be a lot. Month after month I would feel defeated when I would see the little bit of red on the toliet paper. It reached a point where for whatever reason I didn’t get a period at all. So I go to my doctor and she decided to send me to get a D&C done. Essentially this means I had to go and get my utures scrapped. One benefit to doing this was when they inject dye into your utures it also “blows out” your tubes of anything that may be blocking. It will also show if your tubes are blocked. But let me tell you what an uncomfortable experience this was. Your in a hospital gown on this bed where they will do an X-ray, the insert a catheter in to your utures and inflate it like a balloon. Then they tell you to shimmy your ass to the end of the table while this thing is in you causing uncomfortable pressure. HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THIS!? The then go in and scrapped. And let me tell you how fricken painful that was. When all is said and done they send you home and wait for the results.

My tubes we not blocked. I feel like I take two steps forward and a hundred back. We still have no real explanation as to why I can not get pregnant. We decided to take a break yet again and reevaluate our situation. Time passes and I decided to go on birth control to regulate my period. I stayed on it for 6 months as my doctor recommended, and then stopped taking it. We decided it was time to try again.

This bring us to present day. A week ago i took three pregnancy test. I was 18 days past on my period and I wasn’t feeling any symptoms of it coming. So I decided why the hell not. So I got a test. I figured it’d be a long shot, but when I looked at it there were two line. Positive. “There is no way in hell”. So. I go and get two more. I take one the next morning and then one that night. Positive. To say I was in shock was an understatement. The joy I felt seeing those positive test was a joy I have never felt. I call my doctor the next day and go and take a blood test. A day later I get the call. There were false positives. I was not in any way pregnant. The catastrophic disappointment I felt was unbearable. I was done. I can’t do this anymore. I have given up.

My infertility sister I see you. I feel your pain. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

#infertility #pcos #pregnancy #support #babies #self love #sisterhood #im so sad

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gothic-chicanery · 5 years

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The Diary of Dr. Elena Rosewood

Horror one off story. I’m putting it under a cut

TW for blood, death, and disease

12/14/37

Sent to quarantine, and am currently kicking myself. I tested positive for the disease and the police didn’t listen to my explanations. Now I am without my lab and test instruments, and the data gathered will be strictly qualitative. Damnit.

Of course, this may be a blessing in disguise, as the effects of the vaccine will be able to be seen firsthand, and I’ll have to worry less about my own credibility. Though as a medical doctor who has spent years studying this disease, credibility was never too much of a worry.

I just hope someone takes care of my cats.

No symptoms so far, though that is expected. The incubation period is usually about a week, but this may be altered by the fact that this is a weaker strain that will be easy for my body to fight off. Maybe I will not have any symptoms at all. One can only hope I suppose.

12/16/37

A man leaned into me while I took my daily exercise yesterday, so close that his nose almost touched mine. Dark red sclera showed he was in the later stages of the disease. “We all have it in here,” he growled. “We are all infected.” His breath smelled awful, a mix of metallic and rot, as if someone had shot a deer in a penny factory.

“Yes,” I said slowly. “That is essentially the point of a quarantine.”

I’ve decided to keep mostly to myself from now on.

This story has very little to do with the scientific side of my work, but it is an anecdote that I think would provide quite the cinematic moment when there is a biopic made about me. I mean, the person who discovered a vaccine against the blood plague (though I always hated the sensational nature of that name) will surely get some sort of film recognition.

When I get out, of course, I’ll remove this section. But I believe it is best to be honest to yourself. The rest of the world can get the cool, collected scientist.

Asymptomatic probably still. I thought my sclera looked a little redder, but that may be more easily attributed to confirmation bias or the quality of the mirrors here. It’s a wonder I can see my reflection at all through the graffiti. Wishing I was home. Accurate testing equipment wherefore art thou? My ex, I’m sure, would correct me. Wherefore apparently means why even though it has a where in it. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why you never should date English majors. And they say scientists have sticks up their ass.

12/20/37

Definite redness now. I guess it was too much of a long shot that I wouldn’t end up with anything happening. I can’t decide which looks better, a miraculous recovery, or to never get sick at all. I think this. Looks like I’ve suffered more.

Though of course, this isn’t about me. It’s about all the people that I will be keeping safe from the disease.

12/25/37

Well. Merry Christmas to me. I’m Rudolph the Red-Eyed Fucking Reindeer. Disease taking hold. I think it’ll get worse before it gets better, damn it. It’ll definitely get better though. I’m confident in my own intelligence, if nothing else. I had hoped to be out of here before Christmas, but I guess that’s too much to ask for.

I’ve started tasting blood. Every meal seems tainted metallic, though that might actually improve the shit they have us eating. It’s all frozen and half rotten, bottom of the barrel kind of stuff. I guess that makes sense, why waste the good food on those of us that are going to die anyway? I mean, I won’t. But for the rest of them, why bother. There is no cure for the blood plague. Even I’ve only managed to come up with a vaccine.

1/3/38

I lost my journal. No, more accurately, it was stolen by the motherfucker from before. More accurately, he stole it, bled on the pages, and then threw it outside the fence. I have no clue why. He’s bad, blood streaming from his eyes and lips. I could barely make out what he was trying to say, every time he tried to speak, blood dribbled out. Not that I cared what he had to say. I’d imagine he only had days left.

My own condition isn’t getting better, though it hasn’t gotten noticeably worse. Small amounts of blood in my mouth, my spit has been slightly tinged pink for the last few days. I calculated the turnaround though. It should be any day now. Any day…

I debated whether or not to write down how I’m writing this, as my journal is no longer here, and decided why not. It’s blood on my wall. I know what you’re thinking, that i’ve likely gone insane, that the blood plague is taking hold. It’s not, I can promise you that. When you look at it, it’s perfect logical.

My top priority is information. I have to record these events so that the process of my vaccine can be documented and studied. As a scientist, I know the most essential thing is data. I need to be able to provide that. I’ve just been forced to use alternative methods.

He would’ve died anyway. There is no cure for the blood plague, and he barely had days left. Something that saves lives is more important than the death of one man, I know it seems macabre but he would’ve died in days. Is it really even a murder when you’re both on death row?

He is.

Was.

I’m not. I’m going to live.

It wasn’t hard, really, to kill him. He wasn’t strong, and it was quite easy to split his head open. The blood just mingled with what was already on the floor and walls, have I mentioned this place has gotten disgusting with all the blood. Dragged him to my room, dipped my finger in, and began writing.

I don’t want this to sound horrific. It’s not. I distanced myself from things, made the matter merely academic. When dissecting something, you don’t contemplate the pathos, you just analyze. That is merely what I’m doing. He would’ve died soon anyway.

1/11/38

The body stinks to high heaven and I can barely get enough blood to write with without a few maggots or flies crawling over my fingers. I need to remain objective but they are truly disgusting.

Blessing in disguise, perhaps, my own eyes have begun dripping. My mouth too, though that’s diluted. I can keep writing. I will document this. I will wait for my body to fight off the vaccine, for immunity to kick in. I will be the one to figure it out I will be known I will be a savior

Just a little longer

#horror #writeblr #my writing

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septic-dr-schneep · 6 years

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JSE Fanfiction - In Time of Need (Part 17: Interim)

Summary: Unaware of what’s continuing at home, Chase becomes increasingly restless as he recovers from his surgery. Soon enough he receives a visit that will hopefully serve well to distract him.

Chase had always considered himself a good patient. He wasn’t like Schneep, who would grumble at his caretaker that they weren’t doing it right and he could take care of himself, and he wasn’t like Marvin, who was constantly looking at the clock to see when he could make a break for it. He wasn’t like Jameson, who felt guilty for causing a fuss, or like Jackieboy, who—

Well, at this point Jackie’s a better patient than I am…He’s somewhere in this hospital, just…lying there.

It went against everything in Jackieboy’s nature. As soon as he was patched up, he would try to leap off the exam table and go on patrol as if nothing had ever happened. He’d never been able to sit still when it came to healing. Perhaps that was still the case; he wasn’t healing right now. He was in tandem.

The point was that Chase had always been well aware of his limits. He knew what would stress him enough to hurt and what he could take. There had been a time when he didn’t care, when he had wanted the pain just to break through the numbness, but this wasn’t that time. Therefore Chase had stayed prostrate in his hospital bed for the past several hours. He’d hardly moved enough to wrinkle the blankets and yet he still found himself exhausted, as if he’d just finished a twelve-hour day of filming stunts.

Even if he’d been up and about, he wouldn’t have been filming; he’d put up a notice on the Bro Average channel almost five months ago that he was going on hiatus because of a serious family emergency.

“I…honestly don’t know when I’ll be back,” he’d admitted, scrubbing at his sore, tender, sleep-deprived eyes. “Hopefully by the end of this…I don’t know, maybe by the end of this year. Thanks, all of you, for understanding. Family comes first, y’know?”

Given his history with family, given what his viewers had watched him do for family, they were more than willing to let him have a reprieve. The stream of concerned comments had eased up as the weeks grew longer but there was always that sense of anticipation there. He knew they would be there waiting for him, no matter how long it took, and for that he was grateful. Hopefully he wouldn’t get too out of practice and lose his touch.

These thoughts were among the many he used to occupy himself as he whiled away hours upon hours of nothingness, resignedly drifting between sleep and a periodic staring contest with the ceiling. The ceiling always won.

Sometimes he would do his best to make conversation with Dr. Iplier and the Host, but he wasn’t close or knowledgeable about either of them so he eventually ran out of topics they might have in common. Neither of them were naturally talkative anyway, which only made it harder. The only entertainment Chase got during the day was when the nurses would come to check on him and even that was short-lived.

As the last nurse eased the door shut behind her, Chase leaned his head carefully back against the pillows and sighed deeply.

“Dude, can you grab my phone and see if any of the others have—?”

“They haven’t, Chase,” Dr. Iplier assured him, shuffling through the papers on the clipboard he was engrossed in. “I just checked twenty minutes ago.”

“Well, it’s on vibrate! Maybe we didn’t hear it! I just wanna know if they’re—”

“As impatience mounts within the Septic Ego, he recalls that he hasn’t taken a nap in almost an hour,” the Host cut in pointedly. “As much as he wishes he could continue to fidget and inquire, he finds that it will do him no good and that he should rest if he wants to leave the hospital sooner. The less time he spends awake, the less he will be aware of the time passing.”

Pouting, Chase hunkered down a little lower in his bed and mumbled, “You’re cheap.”

Before he could take the suggestion and close his eyes, however, the phone near Dr. Iplier’s elbow did vibrate. Perking up, he glanced at it in vague surprise and a haughty grin spread across Chase’s face.

“Well, would you look at that? Somebody’s calling! What’s the ID? ‘My Drug Dealer?’ ‘I’m A Kitty Cat?’ ‘Brainy Bub?’”

“None of them,” Dr. Iplier replied, raising an eyebrow at Chase’s phone screen. “It just says ‘Her’.”

At that Chase’s smile faltered, eyes widening as slow realization trickled into his brain. “Oh, no…Oh, no, I was supposed to…Give me that, doc, let me see—”

As soon as the doctor handed him the phone, Chase felt as if it weighed three pounds heavier than usual underneath the tangible frustration and anger conveyed through the text glaring back at him.

>The kids and I are at your house. Where are you? I’ve been ringing for five straight minutes. Don’t tell me you went out and forgot about them.

Cursing under his breath, Chase hurriedly swiped at the keys, wincing as he was forced to pull against the IV lead in his arm.

<Had an emergency, I’m at the hospital. Needed surgery.

>What? What kind of emergency? What kind of surgery?

<Doesn’t matter. Could you bring them here? I still want to see them!

>Are you sure the doctors will allow that?

<YOU’RE MY FAMILY.

As soon as he clicked “send” on that one, Chase knew he had made a mistake. He could almost sense Stacy on the other end, staring at those three words with skepticism and mistrust. His eyes lingered on them just as long, filled with longing, desperation, pleading. At long last, he could see her typing.

>Elvery Heights West General, right? What’s your room number?

Falling back against the pillows, he exhaled slowly and mouthed a silent thank-you, sending the proper information and then glancing back and forth between his companions.

“Okay, sorry to spring this on you, but I was supposed to have the kids today. They’re on their way here instead.”

“Oh.” Flipping the papers on his clipboard shut, Dr. Iplier promptly rose from his seat, brushing down his coat. “In that case, I’ll be excusing myself now. I’m not good with kids; they always end up crying when I’m around. Host?”

“The Host isn’t particularly adept with them either, but he would like to remind the doctor that they are meant to be protecting Chase Brody should anything arise.”

“Then you’re staying?” At the Host’s brusque nod, the doctor waved a hand dismissively. “Alright, then, do what you want. Just don’t let them start pulling on your bandages or anything; you almost ruptured a blood vessel when you took them off during the fight and I don’t think it’d make for good times if they ended up covered in blood.”

Chase visibly flinched at the thought and for half a second the doctor looked as if he may regret saying it, but he didn’t apologize. As the door slid shut behind him, the Host apologized on his behalf.

“The doctor has always maintained a noticeable lack of a bedside manner.”

“Yeah, no kidding…” Picking at some loose string on his sheets, Chase squirmed, discomfort striking a more prominent ache in his head. “Host…uh, my family’s kinda…well, I just don’t want you to be weirded out if my wife—my ex-wife and I are—”

“Chase need not worry; the Host is well aware of his marital status.”

“You are? How?”

At that the Host simply tilted his head, folding his hands primly in his lap. “There is very little that escapes him.”

Then did it escape him how unsettling he was being or was he doing it to toy with him? Chase wondered uneasily. He didn’t bother to ask; he had a feeling that whatever the Host might say in response would only compound the issue.

As soon as he heard their voices outside the door, the vlogger pushed himself up in his bed as far as he could, trying to plaster a smile on his face. His kids didn’t need to know what had happened. They didn’t need to know everything that was weighing on his mind or causing him pain; they just needed to see their daddy smiling. The Host straightened in his chair in the corner and while he didn’t smile—did he ever?—he did seem much more attentive, even expectant.

“Here we are,” Stacy announced as she eased the door open, letting Connor and Brianna shuffle into the room.

“Hey there! Come give me a hug, would you?” Chase urged cheerfully, extending the arm that wasn’t hindered by the IV.

As soon as they saw their dad was upright and alert, in contrast to whatever they may have imagined, the kids lit up, rushing over to latch onto him. Their warmth, their familiar smell, their little hands entwining with his…It never stopped being precious.

“We missed you, Dad!” Brianna exclaimed, wrapping herself tightly around his forearm and rocking back and forth with it.

“Mama wanted to give up, she wanted to take us back to her house but I told her to keep ringing the doorbell, no matter how long it took!” Connor piped up eagerly, tugging on his fingers. “I knew you’d want to see us!”

“Oh, I always want to see you, little man…I’m sorry I wasn’t at the house,” Chase murmured kindly, casting a fleeting glance up at Stacy, who stood at the foot of the bed and hadn’t said a word of greeting.

There hadn’t been an actual face-to-face greeting between them for about nine months—no, nine months exactly. She had known something was seriously wrong with him and the others after Schneep had been abducted, so whenever they had to see each other, she opted to skip pleasantries and get right down to business. The same rang true here. Even as her eyes asked, What happened to you? her mind purposely glossed over the explanation.

“How are you feeling?” she asked evenly, loosely folding her arms against her chest—closing herself off from him. He forced his smile to remain despite it.

“Better than I was. It’s been a long week,” he confessed honestly. “I should be out of here tomorrow, if there aren’t any complications.”

“What happened?” Brianna asked at the same time Connor happened to glance into the corner and notice the other man in the room, holding Chase’s hand protectively in front of him as he demanded, “Who’s that?”

“Oh, that’s a—friend of mine.” Hopefully no one noticed Chase’s hesitation. “He’s called the Host. He’s been keeping me company, making sure I’m okay.”

“The Host is happy to inform them that their father has been very well cared for,” the Iplier Ego assured them, his tone strictly neutral but a shade lighter than its usual monotone. Brianna wrinkled her nose unsurely at that, peeking up at her dad.

“Why does he talk like that?” she whispered.

“Don’t be rude,” Chase scolded lightly, ruffling her silky blond hair. “That’s just how he likes to talk.” Come to think of it, he didn’t know if the Host could talk in first person.

Now that he had been reassured that this was a friend, Connor had broken away from Chase and was peering with wide eyes up at the Host, fiddling with his hands. “Do you—Do you wanna see a magic trick, Mr. Host?” he ventured hopefully. “I’ve been practicing one and I wanted to show Daddy when we came so can I show you too?”

“You don’t have to say yes, it’s just a silly trick he does with a calculator,” Stacy cut in, a little embarrassed.

“On the contrary, the Host is quite interested,” he countered, to which she stifled a sigh as Connor scurried to her side and pulled on the clasp to her purse until she fished the calculator out for him.

“See, see, I can make the calculator talk to you when you turn it upside down!” he exclaimed, hurriedly punching in numbers and then thrusting it out for the Host to see. He shrank back only a little as the Host rose from his chair and he noticed how large the man was, but the hand the Host extended to hold the device was kind. As he read it, he chuckled lightly.

“The Host bids the calculator hello in return,” he offered.

Pleased that he was playing along, Connor beamed, snatching the calculator back and typing a second time as he bragged, “I can get it to say your name too! It’s really easy!”

At that the Host raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical, but as he watched him wait patiently as Connor fiddled with it, Chase couldn’t help but feel a warm surge of gratitude. He said he wasn’t good with kids…Or maybe he doesn’t need to be if kids are good with him.

“Here!”

After a pause, the Host cleared his throat, announcing in a tone that was measured to be somewhat gentle, “The Host is sorry to break it to the master magician, but that combination of numbers spells ‘HOSE.’”

“What?!” Scandalized, Connor took a second look and glowered, pouting, “Well, maybe you’ve been spelling your name wrong all this time.” The Host bit his lower lip at that, clearly trying to hide a smile, and the little boy took his toy back, returning his attention to Chase as the Host returned to his chair. “Daddy, this one’s for you!”

“It’s a really good one,” Brianna promised. “He showed me earlier.”

“Well, then I’m looking forward to it,” Chase mused, scanning the numbers for a few moments before turning it around. He promptly burst out laughing, the sound causing a ringing pain in his own ears that he completely ignored. “You figured out how to say ‘BOSS’ with numbers?”

“Isn’t it the best?!” Connor burst out, nearly hopping up and down in his excitement. “I did it all on my own and I knew you’d like it! I knew you would! I wanna show your friend Mr. Jack. Do you think he’d like it?”

At that Chase’s laughter waned, his attention falling back to the calculator screen. He could already picture the smile Jack would give if he could see it, the one that always lit the entire room and filled everyone around him with warmth.

“Well, Jack is…He’s been really, really busy lately,” he managed at length. “I’ll see when we can get together and you can show him, okay? Hopefully we can do that soon.”

As Connor nodded and took the calculator back, chattering with his sister about how much he would practice until then, Chase found his thoughts straying. Now that he’d been reminded of what lay waiting for him at home, he felt even more trapped in this bed than before.

#youtube #jacksepticeye #fanfiction #youtube fanfiction #chase brody #chase brody's family #stacy brody #the host #dr iplier #hurt comfort #family life #in which this is filler before the juicy chapters to come #in time of need #i'd love some feedback

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