#janus said art rights

[prince-rowan-of-the-forest]

Into the Snake's Den

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Things going missing in a household of four wasn’t uncommon, really. It was normal enough to misplace a sock on laundry day, or get one of your shirts mixed up with someone else’s and never see it again, or misplace one piece of jewellery from a set. Losing things was not out of the ordinary, what was out of the ordinary was just how often it happened for this particular household.

Logan theorised they potentially had borrowers, and if that was the case Patton was content to let them stay, though Roman had always brought up the point that who - or what - ever the culprit was, it was stealing items much too large to be a borrower. Patton had offered the idea that perhaps it was a fairy, or a spirit who lived nearby, in which case the group was even more eager to drop the issue.

That was until something important went missing a few weeks later.

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| Ao3 |

Warnings: None as far as I'm aware

Pairings: LAMP, DLAMP

Word Count: 4548

Notes:

I wrote this entire thing in one setting with encouragement from some awesome folks in the big bang server - I love you guys, lol.

Honestly, naga!janus in a non-explicit fic is so underrated - I think there really needs to be more snakey cuddles when the opportunity is so perfect, lol.

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“Hey Pat - have you seen my cloak?” Came Virgil’s voice, sounding loudly through the house.

“No, bud, I haven’t seen it!” Patton yelled back as he worked on dinner, “Have you checked with Roman? I know he likes to borrow it sometimes-?”

His voice got quieter as Virgil actually joined him in the kitchen.

“I’ve already asked him,” He said, “Thought you might’ve washed it or something without telling me.”

“Nope… laundry day is tomorrow.” Patton shrugged and Virgil groaned. 

“Not again… that was my favourite cloak…” He mumbled, rubbing his face as he practically collapsed into the comfortable sofa next to Logan, who was reading a book on spells. 

Things going missing in a household of four wasn’t uncommon, really. It was normal enough to misplace a sock on laundry day, or get one of your shirts mixed up with someone else’s and never see it again, or misplace one piece of jewellery from a set. Losing things was not out of the ordinary, what was out of the ordinary was just how often it happened for this particular household. 

For the most part, it was things that weren’t really missed. Small things that didn’t matter all that much - little trinkets, an inexpensive belonging, usually something replaceable but personal. Sometimes it was more valuable items, jewellery - stolen especially from Roman and Virgil, who wore it most often - Art supplies from Patton or magical ingredients from Logan. 

Less often, but still notably more often than would be considered normal, bigger things went missing. Items of clothing, blankets from their beds, even pillows, occasionally. Other belongings - occasionally personal things too - would go missing too and Patton would find that a portion of whatever he had cooked would go missing as if by magic when he turned his back enough that he had started simply making extra. This had all started about a year ago, too, which leant more to the idea that this was suspicious. 

Today, it seemed, Virgil’s cloak had been taken. Patton could only assure him that they would get him a new one next time they went to the market. Nothing that had been taken had ever been returned. 

Logan theorised they potentially had borrowers, and if that was the case Patton was content to let them stay, though Roman had always brought up the point that who - or what - ever the culprit was, it was stealing items much too large to be a borrower. Patton had offered the idea that perhaps it was a fairy, or a spirit who lived nearby, in which case the group was even more eager to drop the issue. 

That was until something important went missing a few weeks later.  

—-

“Something’s not right,” Virgil hissed as he shook Logan awake one night.  Logan immediately got up, striking a match to light the candle on his nightstand and looking at Virgil - who’s eyes looked black in the dark. 

“What is it?”

“I don’t know, something’s wrong, I feel it,” He whispered, following Logan as he stood. The others had learned early on in their relationship that Virgil’s intuition was incredibly good; when he said something wasn’t right, he was almost always correct.

Glancing around as Logan paused to think, Logan’s eyes settled on a charcoal drawing that Roman had done of the four of them he kept in a frame, “Have you checked on the others?”

“Yeah - they’re both sleeping,” That was protocol, when Virgil felt that something was off in this way - he’d check on them first. 

“Alright, that’s promising - come on, we’ll check the casting room first.” Logan said. It was most likely that if something was wrong, that would be where it originated. A stray potion, a spilled pot of some ingredient messing with the aura of the place - not to mention Logan’s casting orb. 

The casting orb was a simple yet fairly rare magic tool - it allowed witches, like Logan, and other magic users - to store certain spells, keeping them constantly in place. The one Logan owned was mostly used to protect their home from any malevolent forces, there was one to grant them luck and it cast a generally positive magical aura that made it easier for all of them to perform their respective magic. 

When the pair entered the room, Virgil gasped. 

The door that led out to Patton’s greenhouse was wide open and from its glass case, the orb was missing. 

“Great,” Virgil said sarcastically. 

“We have to get it back,” Logan said immediately, “Not only is it incredibly valuable and dangerous in the wrong hands, but it is essential to keeping the others safe.”

Virgil’s expression twisted into a frown, “How are we gonna do that? We don’t even know what took it.”

“I’ll - figure something out,” Logan said, already heading over to his bookshelf, “If you could wake up the others?”

—-

“What are we doing out here in the middle of nowhere at whatever time in the morning again?” Roman complained as he led them down a barely trodden forest path, cutting back branches with his shimmering sword - that also served as a torch to light their way. Virgil was wearing a spare cloak that Patton was also sheltering under, clinging to Virgil’s side as the shadows swirled around them. Logan held his softly glowing staff and read from a book as they walked. 

“Left here, Roman,” Logan said quickly, “Sharply - and we’re looking for the creature that has stolen my orb.”

“Couldn’t this have waited ‘tll the morning?” Roman asked, veering left and swinging his sword in front of him to cut back brambles and clear a makeshift path. 

Virgil huffed, “You know how important the orb is, Princey, don’t be stuck up about it.”

“I just need my beauty sleep- woah…” Roman’s voice trailed off.

“Yes, your highness,” Virgil says with an exaggerated eye roll, though he fell quiet as he came into line beside Roman. Patton squeaked and Virgil gently squeezed his shoulders.-  trying not to pay attention to how the spare cloak was so scratchy and wasn’t the right size. Logan sighed.

“The trail goes in there,” Logan said, which none of them wanted to hear. Roman audibly groaned, both Patton and Virgil tensed. 

“That’s a naga den, no doubt about it,” Roman said quietly, looking at the large, dark cave entrance that lay open wide before them. A warm draft came from inside. Virgil wouldn’t mind it so much if it weren't for the suspiciously bone shaped - sticks, they were definitely sticks, he just shouldn’t think about it too hard, and he should absolutely not mention that within Patton’s earshot, “How important didja say this orb was? Like - is it worth our lives?”

The book in Logan’s hands snapped closed and he placed it carefully into his bag, placing both hands onto his staff instead, “We will not die as long as we do not mess this up.”

“And how exactly do we do that, specs?” Virgil asked gruffly - because how the fuck were they supposed to deal with a naga? Sure they were all magic users, but they weren’t that powerful.

“Well… Nagas are possessive, dangerous creatures,” Logan says, “Though their main defences are their tails and fangs, so long as you avoid getting caught in its tail you should not get hurt, hopefully, it will be sleeping and we will be able to sneak in to get the orb.”

“Don’t they have the best sense of smell and hearing like… ever, though?” Virgil asked, still looking at the cave, “And other crazy magic?”

Patton shivered, “Would- would it already know we’re here?”

“Well- It hasn’t come out to fight us, so I presume not,” Logan says, trying to placate, “If we can keep our spells and attacks ranged, we should all be okay.”

A dramatic sigh came from Roman’s right, “If you’d said that when we were at the house I would have brought my bow.”

Virgil glared at him, “You can channel magic through your sword, idiot.”

“Yeah - but the arrows are better-”

“Stop-” Logan commanded, both of them fell silent, feeling suitably cowed, “Unless you want to wake it up?”

With a sheepish look, Roman looked at his feet, “Right, sorry L.”

“Patton, you have your potions?” Logan asks a moment of silence later. 

“Yep - they’re mostly healing, though, I also brought snacks.”

“Well - I suppose the healing will be useful just in case,” Logan sighed, “You and I will hang back, Virgil and Roman should go in first.”

“What- why?” Roman protests.

“Your spells need line of sight and aim, if we are ahead of you you will be heavily hindered, mine do not,” Logan said, Virgil raised an eyebrow and he sighed and continued, “You are also a heavy hitter, and your shadow teleportation ability will make it easier for you to dodge, especially in a shadowy cave, plus you can see better.”

Virgil sighs, but doesn’t say anything - that reasoning is pretty sound., he supposed. 

“Are we ready?”

—-

The cave was dark, but unlike Virgil had expected, it didn’t necessarily smell bad, nor was it super damp - though it was a little humid, he supposed a naga would enjoy that.  The tunnel into the cave was fairly long, enough to make Virgil more and more nervous as they slowly and near silently traversed it, their path only lit by Roman’s sword. Something on the ground caught his eye and made him stop, Patton almost walked into him and whispered a quick ‘are you alright’ to him as Virgil bent down to pick it up. 

“Ro,” he whispered, “Light?”

Roman moved his sword closer to the thing Virgil had picked up, a small purple gemstone on a hooked wire, “I swear that’s familiar,” Roman whispered. 

“It’s my earring,” Virgil says as they continue to look at it, “The one I lost like a month ago?”

“Does that mean…” Patton whispered, before Logan nudged them both and put a finger to his lips, before pointing ahead of them. 

“Oh..” Roman whispered. A short ways ahead of them seemed to be the entrance to a much larger chamber, from which warm light seemed to spill into the tunnel. The four of them exchanged glances. Virgil especially shivered looking at it, that didn’t look like a particularly shadowy cave to him. “hm- before we go in, just in case we don’t come out.”

Logan tried to protest against Roman’s volume before he was pulled into a gentle kiss.  When he pulled away, Logan had a fond look on his face. Meanwhile Roman turned to Virgil and then Patton and did the same thing. 

That felt far too much like a goodbye. 

“Roman-” Virgil whispered before Roman was striding towards the chamber entrance, Logan reaches to grab him and pull him back but misses the back of his shirt by an inch. Virgil glances back at the other two and hurries after him, not about to let Roman be a self-sacrificing idiot for their sake. 

—-

When Roman reached the entrance of the chamber, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting and stopped short, rather than rushing in as planned. 

A naga, of course, and that’s what he saw, but he’d expected an intimidating, hissing creature, with coils and coils of tail ready to strangle or crush them, hissing with fangs ready to paralyse them with venom, he’d expected something dark and uncomfortable, not…

“Is that my shirt?” He asked dumbly to noone, only for Virgil to punch him in the arm for speaking so loudly, he turned to pout at him briefly before looking back at the scene before him. 

There was a naga, sure, and he was a little intimidating just for that fact, but really… Roman couldn’t force himself to be scared when he tried. 

He did have a mass of scaly tail that Roman was certain was strong enough to crush his bones, but right now it was coiled up and half buried in blankets he recognised, blankets, sheets, clothes and pillows that had been periodically going missing from their house. The naga’s tail was covered in shimmering gold and black scales, the gold glittering in the gentle light that filtered into the cave via some kind of magic and the black was iridescent. His torso too was a golden tan, flecked with the same shimmering yellow scales as his tail almost like freckles and cascades of soft looking warm brown hair obscured half of his face. 

In the naga’s arms was another pillow, though this one was dressed in what Roman was certain was one of his shirts that had gone missing fairly recently, his forked tongue was half out in his sleep in a frankly adorable ‘blep’. Roman found he could fathom fighting this creature less and less with every little detail he noticed. 

“This is…” Virgil whispered next to him. 

“Everything we’ve lost,” Patton finished, nodding. 

“But why?” Logan asked quietly, ever curious. Roman nodded, unable to help agreeing with the question - why did the naga want their things? Was this weird? Maybe a little, Roman thought it was almost cute. 

Roman turned his gaze to Logan as he seemed to scan the room, before his eyes settled on something, “The orb,” he whispered, pointing, “It’s over there.”

Right, that’s what they were here for, Logan’s orb. Roman followed his gaze to a small pile of trinkets across the room - all Logan’s things. His gaze slid to the other piles  scattered around, there was one for each of them. 

“I’ll get it,” Roman said eventually, already going to step forward before Virgil put his hand on his arm. 

A twisted, anxious expression was on his face and Virgil looked like he would rather be doing anything else right now, but he still said, “No - let me - I’m quieter.”

“Maybe,” Roman says softly, “But you don’t want to.”

“I don’t want you to be killed either-”

“I can take care of myself, V, it’ll be okay,” 

Patton shushed them hurriedly and the four of them turned to look at the naga, who murmured something and hugged the pillow closer whilst his tongue flicked out against it to smell the air, though he seemed to still be asleep. Logan seemed to realise something.

“This room is full of our scents already,” Logan whispered, drawing the attention of the other three, “It might not even notice we’re here - but we should still hurry, just-  do rock paper scissors if you have to.”

Roman turned to Virgil with a grin and held out his fist, Virgil rolled his eyes like this was a stupid idea but joined him in the game anyway. Roman won. He barely resisted crying out in victory, but he did punch Virgil affectionately before he smiled at the others and began making his way slowly around the edge of the chamber. 

Halfway there, the naga stirred again, but simply nuzzled into the pillow with a yawn that showed off his massive fangs, the mass of tail shifted, but he still didn't wake up. Roman put even more effort into being quiet until he reached Logan’s pile, picking up the shimmering orb carefully with both hands. He made eye contact with Logan before throwing it across the room. He almost laughed at the panic in Logan’s eyes as he casted a levitation spell on the small ball and brought it slowly back to himself, placing it carefully into the bag. Logan glared at Roman, who shrugged and took a step to make his way back. Having been looking at Logan, though, and not his feet, Roman found himself accidentally stepping on something that cracked under his foot. Loudly.

A wave of panic washed over him as the naga’s pointed ears pricked and he woke, this time his eyes blink open slowly and his gaze immediately locked onto Roman - he can’t help but think what striking colours they are. One is a striking gold, just like his scales, the other is almost black, but shimmering with an iridescent rainbow. Roman thought he ought to be worried about how he was about to die as the naga tasted the air, but he was frozen on the spot. Barely a glance at his lovers showed that they were terrified as well. 

For a moment, he and the naga simply stared at each other and he mentally begged the others to run. In a blink, and that’s really how fast it was - Roman couldn’t have possibly reacted - the naga struck, coiling his tail around Roman and lifting him from his feet. Of course he struggled, but the naga was strong and he had dropped his sword when the tail had wrapped around him, there was nothing he could do as he was brought face to face with the - admittedly incredibly beautiful - creature. He wanted to look at the others, but he also didn’t know if the naga knew they were there - and if he didn’t then Roman didn’t want to draw attention to them. If he was going to die here, he would have to make sure they could get out. 

He had expected the naga to squeeze him to death, maybe sink those razor sharp fangs into Roman’s skin and kill him slowly. The naga drew closer and flicked his tongue to smell him, Roman squeezed his eyes shut in preparation but no pain came, instead he felt cool lips pressed to his forehead. It was then that he realised a few different things at once.

First, the naga didn’t want to kill him - he would have done so by now. Second, his scales were cool and smooth where they pressed up against Roman’s bare arms, his tail wasn’t squeezing too hard. Though Roman couldn’t really struggle or escape, he could breath easily, it felt more like an embrace. Third… the naga had just kissed him. Now he was being stared at with a look that seemed like hopeful awe. 

“You…” Roman whispered, not being able to come up with words to express what he wanted to say - which was rare for him. Why was this beautiful thing looking at him like he hung the stars?

One of his hands came up to cup Roman’s face and he found himself leaning into it purely on instinct. The naga’s hands were cool and half scaled and it felt nice against his warm skin - and Roman had never been one to shy away from touch. Roman was passed then from the naga’s tail to his arms, where he was cradled against his strong chest. Despite the fear he had felt mere minutes ago, Roman couldn’t help the way his brain was screaming ‘safe’. He curled into the embrace. 

“Mine,” the naga hissed in Roman’s ear, his voice smooth and warm like melted chocolate, the sound made his breath hitch, “Ssssmokey one, you are ssso warm.”

“Let him go!” Patton's voice comes from the entrance to the chamber. Both Roman and the naga turn heads to look at him. Logan seemed to be trying to get Patton to be quiet and Virgil looked to be mid-panic attack. Roman felt a little bad. The naga moved closer to them and Patton tensed the closer he got. 

“He isss not hurt,” the Naga said, voice gentle as he turned a little to show Roman to them. Roman gave them a little wave and it seemed to placate the three of them just a little, “The little human iss but mine - and sso are you, my gems.”

His tail quickly hoists Patton into the air as well, but leaves his arms free unlike he had with Roman. Patton squeaked, flailing a little until he too realised he wasn’t being killed. When the naga drew him closer, he reached for Roman’s hand, he quickly took it. 

“Put them down,” Logan said, voice monotonous but hiding a venom that Roman could recognise, “We are not yours to hoard.”

“You are mine to love, little witch,” The naga says, “My little humans,”

Patton and Roman both found themselves lowered into the centre of the admittedly amazingly comfortable nest. Roman immediately scrambled over to Patton, pulling him into a gentle hug as the naga turned his attention to Virgil and Logan. Although they had been freed from his hold directly, they were still separated from the others by coils of the Naga’s tail, so they simply sat and waited. 

A stretch of silence passed as the naga’s eyes tracked Virgil curiously - the normally vigilant light-wielder didn’t seem to notice, focused on searching for something in the mass of blankets instead. 

“What are you looking for, little one?” he asked, curling himself around Virgil and making him jump badly and look around to face him. Virgil seemed to freeze, but the naga remained as passive as ever. 

Another silent moment passed, “...my cloak,” Virgil admitted softly, “The big one you - you took a few weeks ago.”

Barely a moment passed before the naga slithered to a spot and dug through the blankets to pull out a mass of black fabric, decorated with purple embroidery which he brought back to Virgil - who stared at him in surprise and wonder. 

“I liked this one,” the naga said, placing it around Virgil’s shoulders. Virgil immediately let out a sigh of relief, practically melting into the fabric, “It'sss big.”

“Yes,” Virgil said quietly. The naga offers him a hand that he tentatively takes and Virgil is carefully lifted to stand on a coil of his tail, steadied by the naga’s hand as he’s brought to join Patton and Roman, who accepted him into their hug gently, earning a fond smile from the naga, who then turned his attention back to Logan, who was growing less and less steadfast in his resistance by the moment. 

“You haven’t usssed that on me yet,” the naga says almost conversationally, gesturing to Logan’s faintly glowing staff - which he was clutching like a lifeline, “What are you waiting for, little witch?”

“I-” Logan faltered, “You…”

The naga hummed, “Will you join uss, little witch?”

Logan frowned, pausing, “What is your name, naga?”

A smile spread across the naga’s face, “I am called Janus,” He answers, voice still gentle.

“I am Logan,” Logan says, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Ssso polite,” Janus hisses, edging forwards toward him.

“You’ve been stealing from us for months.” Logan backs up a step and Janus pauses, “Why?”

This seemed to give Janus pause, since he actually stopped to take a second and think about his answer. Roman found he was curious as he grabbed a red fluffy blanket - one of his favourites that he had lost - from the top of the pile and wrapped it around his shoulders. For that he earned a pat on the shoulder from Virgil and a kiss to the cheek from Patton. 

“I wanted my humans near me,” Janus said eventually, “But you would not come, I had to make do.”

Roman couldn’t quite work out whether that was absolutely adorable or kind of sad.

“Is that why you took my orb?” Logan asked, taking off his bag and placing it carefully behind him. Proceeding to carefully put his staff down with it, “So we would come here?”

Janus looked away, an almost embarrassed expression overtaking his face. Roman couldn’t help but share a smile with his loves. Virgil smirked back and Roman just knew  from that look he was holding back from teasing the naga that technically had them hostage and vulnerable viciously. “Perhaps.”

“You could have simply approached us,” Logan said, his tone minutely softer. 

Janus raised an eyebrow and simply gestured to his tail, which took up the majority of the large cavern. 

“Right,” Logan said, frowning, “Yet you managed to sneak into our house to steal?”

“Nagas have magic too, little witch,” Janus hissed, finally approaching him properly, carefully and slowly wrapping his coils around him to lift him and place him in the nest with the others. Logan seemed curious, but Janus didn’t seem willing to elaborate as he placed Logan in their little circle. Patton immediately reached for him. 

Meticulously, Janus picked over the four of them, taking their weapons and adding them to a small pile as well as anything breakable or uncomfortable. Roman had difficulty giving up his sword’s sheath - even if the sword itself had been left on the floor of the cavern already, but Janus promised it would be safe in his hoard and lifted Roman gently so he could see where he placed it. The others were easier to disarm, especially Logan - who had already left his things at the door, so to speak. 

When he was done he coaxed the four of them to lie down with a gentle voice and soft, alluring words, promising them safety and comfort as he buried himself once more in the blankets, laying himself down so he wrapped the four of them in his coils and his human torso could lie amongst them, allowing himself to wrap his arms around Roman and for Virgil to share his cloak. Logan held Virgil carefully from behind and Patton found himself laid across all four of them, his head in Roman’s lap and his feet in Logans. 

“My little ones,” Janus whispered as the lights above them dimmed, a hand carding through Virgil’s hair where his head rested against Janus’ shoulder, his lips brushed Roman’s forehead and he reached to brush a hand over Logan and Patton’s faces in turn, “My lovely humans.”

Patton let out a content hum and squirmed a little to get comfortable, Roman heard Logan let out a happy sigh. 

“So warm, so sweet,” Janus hissed softly as he tugged Roman closer, burying his face in his shoulder. Roman had always run the warmest of the group. 

Patton fell asleep first, and then Roman next. Logan fell next, with a little gentle coaxing from the naga until it was just Virgil. 

—-

“You are still scared, little gem,” Janus said softly, brushing  the hair from Virgil’s face, “My little amethyst, what scares you?”

It takes a long time for Virgil to answer and in that time Virgil meets his eyes and Janus knows without him saying a word that it’s him Virgil is afraid of still. 

“How do I know you won’t turn on us while I sleep?” Virgil asked, even despite his fears his voice is still quiet so as not to wake the others, “How do I know they’re safe.”

“I will protect them,” Janus says softly, leaning forward and kissing Virgil’s forehead. Roman makes a soft sound and shifts in his sleep, one of his arms wraps around Janus’ waist and he sighs contently, “I love you all, my sweet ones, I will protect you, I promise.”

“How do I know that?” Virgil insisted, “How do I know you’re not lying.”

“Do you have a bad feeling about me, my amethyst?” Janus asked softly, cupping Virgil’s cheek with a hand. 

Virgil takes a long moment to consider, before he eventually shakes his head. His eyes are wide. 

“No,” he says softly, meeting Janus’ eyes again, “I think you’re good.”

“Then trust me, little human,” Janus hissed softly, the sound practically luring Virgil to relax. He takes a deep breath and… does. 

Virgil falls asleep with the others and Janus keeps his promise.

----

Tags: @full-of-roman-angst-trash @your-local-random-dino @cutebisexualmess @glacierruler @roseianxiety @bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti @scalesfeathersnfur @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat (if anyone wants to be added, let me know!)

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#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #dlamp #virgil sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #fanfic writing #fanfiction #fanfic #rowans writings

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

A Thoughtful Gift

Roman tapped lightly on Remus’s door then didn't wait for an answer before entering, present first. "Here," he said and tossed the box to his twin.

"Ooh!" Remus nearly squealed with delight. "Second Christmas!" He didn't even bother waiting for Roman to find a place to sit before tearing into the box that seemed to wrapped in damp newspaper. Roman ended up sitting beside his twin on the bed, watching with a faint smile as Remus fought with the box he'd tapped all the way around.

"I wasn't sure which one I wanted to give you, but after the whole air fryer thing, I thought you might like the slime to experiment with," Roman explained when Remus popped open the box with a gasp and quickly pulled out two of the slime jars, one in each hand.

"There's different textures and whatnot so you can test to see what happens to each of them. The slimes do have borax in them so please don't eat them. They will make you sick. And I thought you could use a journal specifically for your air fryer shenanigans which I expect to be hearing all about whether I want to or not so. May as well take notes on it. I know that's what we decided to give Nico, but...it seemed fitting for you too. So. There you go."

"Thanks, Ro-bro!" Remus beamed and threw his arms around Roman's shoulders.

"You're welcome, Rem-ding." He patted Remus on the back.

Remus quickly let go of Roman and nearly folded himself in half to stretch under his bed. When he sat up, he held a box wrapped in red metallic paper with a gold bow and presented to Roman, who accepted it with a smile and tore into the paper with notably less enthusiasm than his brother.

"They're bracers," Remus told him when he pulled open the box.

"You put my emblem on them!" Roman noted, his voice soft, as he pulled one of armor pieces from its box. "Remus...these are beautiful!"

"They're for the next time you're stupid and break your arm. I won't have to set it because these will keep all your bones in place! I used that leather working book you gave me to make them."

"Well, I'm hoping I don't ever do that again, but I really appreciate these. Thanks, Rem. And I'm glad that book came in handy after all. Here," he shoved a bracers and his arm at Remus. "Help me try them on!"

"You should still gave full range of motion with them," Remus explained and as he tightened the laces of the first bracers, "so using your sword should be fine, but it isn't to replace your shield. So don't get any dumb ideas. That's my job!"

Both froze at the unexpected knock on the door. "Remus?" Patton's voice called.

Roman quickly snatched up his box and sank from the room and Remus kicked the box his own gift had come in under the bed before answering the door.

"What's up, Daddio?" Remus asked cheerfully and popped open the door.

"Hey, Remus. I, uh, I talked to Janus and um." He held out a box wrapped in simple in green paper. "I...wanted to give you something that...was more personal. It's an art kit. For charcoal art."

Remus stared in surprised at the contents of the box. "I...actually...don't know what to say. ...Thank you?"

Patton nodded. "You're welcome. I mean, I know you seemed excited about the air fryer, but I couldn't stop thinking about what Janus said. He was right. It..wasn't really a thoughtful gift. And you're...becoming part of our group now. You should get a proper present. A thoughtful one. So." He gestured to the kit. "I hope you enjoy it."

"I will," Remus nodded. "Thanks, Patton."

Patton smiled brightly. "You're welcome, Remus. Merry Christmas."

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #roman sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #my writing #i wrote this with a migraine so its not as full as id like but i wanted to get it out for christmas

[fangirlwriting-stories]

Hope With Me

Author’s Note: So hey!  I did a Big Bang this year, run by the blog @ts-storytime!  This work has been a while in the making, and I’m super proud of how it turned out!  Thanks so much to @vanilla-bean-buttercream for the amazing art, and a huge thanks to @korruptbrekker for beta reading, and @hit-or-mish for being my cheerleader, this story would not exist without you.

Summary: 

“Two weeks,” Patton said, holding out his hand. “And if I can’t prove to you that there’s good in humanity, I’ll leave you alone.”

“Or you could leave me alone right now,” Janus said, giving him a deadpan look.

“I could,” Patton said.  “But then I’ll just go on thinking I’m right, and you’ll never have another chance to prove me wrong, now will you?” He smiled, like he thought he had him.

…And dammit, he did.

“Come on Janus,” Patton said, smiling warmly, and stretching out his hand a little more.  “Come find hope with me.”

...

Janus met Patton by getting coffee spilled all over his favorite yellow jacket.  He hadn’t really been having a stellar day beforehand, but it hadn’t been awful until a stranger slammed into him and spilled hot coffee all over the jacket Virgil had given him.  Understandably, that made his day much worse, and what happened immediately after didn’t exactly improve things.

“Oh my goodness!” called the person who’d just spilled his coffee on him.  “I’m so sorry!  That was burning, oh my— come with me!”

Before Janus could protest, or ask his name, or wonder if this was an only slightly clever way to kidnap people, Patton had pulled out a key and dragged him over to a nearby cafe, opening the door and pulling Janus in after him.

“I know one of the baristas who works here, so I can get in the back,” the person said.  “They have some stain remover, but we have to move fast.  Hi, I’m Patton.”

“Hi, I’m incredibly annoyed,” Janus deadpanned.

“I know, I know, I’m so sorry!” Patton dragged him into the back with a quick wave at the barista who was working.  He grabbed Janus’ jacket off his shoulders without asking his permission and took it over to the large sink that was probably for washing dishes.

“We’re lucky we were right here, huh,” Patton said, as he scrubbed at the stain in the jacket.  “It could have been worse if we weren’t.”

“Or you could have not spilled your coffee on me,” Janus said, rolling his eyes.

“I think I’ve almost got the stain out,” Patton said as if that made up for it.  “Okay, I’m gonna let it soak in the water for a minute, and then you should be good.  You might still want to take it home and wash it.”

“Oh sure, no problem, it’s not like I was on the way to work or anything,” Janus said, crossing his arms.  Well, he hadn’t been, but if he could make this person more guilty for inconveniencing him, he was going to do it.

Sure enough, Patton gave him a guilty smile.  “I’m sorry,” he said.  “Can I make it up to you?  I’ll take you shopping for a new jacket.”

“You can’t replace that jacket so easily,” Janus snapped.

“Oh no, does it have sentimental value?”

“No,” Janus lied.  “It just costs more than your house.”

“I didn’t realize there was a jacket that exists that costs more than a house,” Patton said in surprise.  “Well, I am a pretty good thrifter.  I don’t think I could get one that costs that much, but I could probably get you one that looks similar.”

“Forget it,” Janus said.  “Just give it to me and get out of my hair.”

“Okay,” Patton said, pulling the sopping wet jacket out of the water and passing it over to Janus.  Sure enough, the stain was pretty much gone.  And if Janus took it home and put it in the wash right away, it would most likely be gone entirely.

“I’m so sorry,” Patton said.

“Whatever,” Janus said, deciding that would be that and he would like to never have to see this person ever again.

So much for a walk to try and make this day a little more bearable.

He expected the event was a freak incident, and that would be the last he’d ever see of Patton, so for the next couple days, he didn’t think of him at all.

But naturally, fate could never be so kind to him as to let that be the end of it, and as he was finishing eating at his favorite restaurant one night later that week, he heard:

“Oh, hey, you got the stain out!”

Janus took a brief moment to look up at the ceiling and curse everything in his life that had led him to this moment, before Patton walked around the side of the table and grinned down at him.

“I’m so glad,” he said.

“Great.  I’m so glad you can wipe your conscience clean of that horrible event.  Please go away.”

“Oh, let me do something else to make it up to you,” Patton said for some reason.  “Here, I’ll buy you dinner.”

Then, as if the universe wanted to gift wrap chances for Patton to stroke his ego, Janus’ waiter approached with his check.

Patton gave Janus a look, asking permission.  Well, Janus wasn’t going to turn down a chance for a moron to cover his bill just because of pride.  He waved his hand at Patton.

Patton smiled and turned back to the waiter.  “I’ll be taking that,” he said, and the waiter gave him a slightly surprised look before handing him the check.

Patton pulled out a debit card and handed it back to the waiter with the check, and then the waiter turned back around.  This was around the time Janus realized this might have been a mistake, because Patton turned to face him like he was allowed to talk to him.

“I’m glad this all worked out,” he said with a bright smile.  “I don’t think I ever caught your name.”

“I didn’t throw it,” Janus said coolly.

“Oh, I gotcha,” Patton said, apparently stupid enough to not realize Janus was trying to be rude.  He apparently also had no qualms about being rude back, because he just kept smiling at Janus expectantly.

Finally, Janus sighed.  “Janus,” he said.

Patton startled for a second, but before Janus could try and figure out what that meant, he went right back to smiling.

“Well it’s so lovely to meet you, Janus!” he said, beaming at him as if this was a conversation between friends and not him rudely interrupting what peace Janus had.  “I’m glad things ended up working out with your jacket.  So you like this restaurant, huh?”

“I’m sorry,” Janus said, full on glaring at him now.  “You seem to have mistaken this for a conversation I want to be having.”

Patton’s smile faded.  “Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to interrupt you.  You were just sitting here all alone and I thought you might want someone to talk to.”

“Why would I want that?” Janus snapped.  “I wanted to have a meal that I enjoy, alone, to try and make my evening less miserable than it would have been otherwise.”

Patton’s looked turned rather curious in the next second, and for some reason, also slightly concerned.

“Oh, well I’m sorry you weren’t having a good day,” Patton said.

“There’s no such thing.  Now we’re going to sit here in silence until the waiter comes back with your card, and then you’re going to get out and leave me to try and salvage my night.”

Patton, for some reason, still didn’t look at all offended, instead just curious with that tinge of concern.  But after a second, he nodded, and they both sat there in silence until the waiter came back a couple minutes later.  And finally, Patton stood up and left.

And now Janus would never see him again, and he could be all the happier for it.

…

“Hi there,” came a familiar voice, and Janus groaned and dropped his head against the paperwork he’d come to the library to try to read.

He didn’t bother to look up or give any other kind of acknowledgment, but Patton sat down anyway.

“How are you, Janus?” Patton asked the top of his head.

“I’m much worse than I was three seconds ago,” Janus said into his papers.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.  I have a bet for you.”

That was enough to get Janus to pull his head up and stare at Patton.  “What?”

“A bet,” Patton said brightly as if it was the most normal thing in the world to make a bet with a practically-stranger.

“A bet?”

“Mm-hmm.  Are you able to take a vacation anytime soon?”

“Why in the world would I tell you that?”

“You don’t have to.  But if it’s soon, I’d like to take you on a road trip with me.”

“Of course,” Janus said.  “What a brilliant idea that will in no way get me tossed unconscious into the back of a van.”

Patton laughed, bright and clear.  “I understand,” he said.  “We don’t have to go immediately.  You can also take a seperate car if that’ll make you feel safer.  And I’d be happy to get to know you first if that will make you more comfortable.”

“Why would you want to go on a road trip with a total stranger in the first place?” Janus asked.

“You’re not a total stranger, I’ve talked to you twice,” Patton said.  “And that’s where the bet comes in.”

“What bet?” Janus asked despite himself.

“I bet that if you give me two weeks, I can prove to you that there’s hope humanity has good worth fighting for,” Patton said.

Janus couldn’t help it, he laughed.  “What?”

But Patton didn’t take it back, or reveal the joke, or do anything other than keep smiling at Janus.

“Wait you… you’re serious?” Janus asked, his smile fading slightly.

Patton nodded.

“You want to take me on a road trip to show me that there’s good in humanity.”

“Yes, I do,” Patton said.

“Why the hell would you want to do that?”

“You seem unhappy,” Patton said.  “And I want to help.”

“What?  Why?  How would you know I’m unhappy, you’ve had two conversations with me.”

Patton’s smile turned warm.  “You remind me of a very close friend of mine,” he said.  “And he acted very similar to you when I met him.  And he was in a dark place too.”

Janus stared at Patton for a second, not sure what to say to that.  Patton was clearly a stupid naive man who needed to grow up and see the world for what it was.  And he could potentially ask for two weeks off starting soon.

He shook his head.  Now he was being stupid.

“If I win,” Patton said, like he could see Janus’ internal conflict.  “You have to come meet my close friend with me.”

Janus blinked.  “What?  That’s what you want?”

“That’s what I want,” Patton confirmed.

“And what if I win?” Janus said.

“Well, what do you want?”

“I just want you to leave me alone,” Janus said in bafflement.

Patton smiled slightly, seeming almost amused.  “Fair enough,” he said.  “Then that’s what you get.”

Janus stared at him for another moment.  “You’re… you’re actually serious about this.”

Patton smiled, but didn’t reply, which meant he actually was.

“I can’t believe this,” Janus said, shaking his head slightly.

Patton pulled one of Janus’ blank notebook pages over towards him and wrote down a phone number.  “There you go.  You can text that when you know when you’re free.”  He stood back up and faced Janus with another bright smile.

“Two weeks,” Patton said, holding out his hand.  “And if I can’t prove to you that there’s good in humanity, I’ll leave you alone.”

“Or you could leave me alone right now,” Janus said, giving him a deadpan look.

“I could,” Patton said.  “But then I’ll just go on thinking I’m right, and you’ll never have another chance to prove me wrong, now will you?”  He smiled, like he thought he had him.

…And dammit, he did.

“Come on Janus,” Patton said, smiling warmly, and stretching out his hand a little more.  “Come find hope with me.”

“Never,” Janus said, but Patton didn’t move.

Finally, Janus sighed, acknowledging that he was probably being stupid, and reached out and shook Patton’s hand.  “Deal.”

…

They wouldn’t go right away.  For one, Janus had to ask before he took two weeks off of work.  And two, he was absolutely going to meet Patton in a few more crowded well-lit places first before climbing into a car with him for two weeks.

But eventually, enough time had passed that Janus satisfied himself with the fact that Patton was just an idiot, and not an idiotic serial killer.  And that meant Janus got to spend two weeks proving to him what an idiot he was, and he was starting to very much look forward to that.

They were apparently going to start by flying out west, to see some of the landscapes out there and make their first intentional stop at the Grand Canyon.  And then Patton would rent a car and they’d spend the rest of the two weeks stopping at places he seemed to have in mind as they drove back.

Janus didn’t know what exactly the Grand Canyon had to do with finding good in humanity, but he still found himself sitting in a plane next to Patton and preparing to spend the next four and a half hours reading and decidedly ignoring him.  At least Patton had given him a window seat.

“So, I got us a hotel there,” Patton said as they sat down.  “We’ll have it for two nights, because I booked us a sunset tour around the canyon.  Then we’re gonna head to Utah to visit Zion National Park and do some stargazing.”

“You know we don’t have to talk for this part, right?” Janus asked, not looking up from his book.

“I’m just explaining to you where we’re going.  I figured you’d want to know,” Patton said brightly, like Janus’ blatant rudeness didn’t bother him.

“I don’t particularly care, actually.  It’s not like I’ll enjoy any of them.”

“You’re sure?  The Grand Canyon really lives up to the hype, you know.”

“You’ve been before?” Janus asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“A couple times.”

“How much money do you have?”

“I got some money when my Aunt Patty died.  She was pretty well off.”

“So you were a rich kid then,” Janus muttered, turning back to his book.

“Did I say that?”

“I don’t really care,” Janus said, blocking out Patton’s voice so he could focus on his book.  Thankfully, Patton seemed satisfied with leaving him alone.  Or at least, that’s what he thought was happening, but after Janus haphazardly pulled out some gum to chew when the plane started taking off, Patton tapped his arm excitedly.

“Hey, look.”

“I’m alright.”

“You don’t want to watch us take off?”

“Not particularly.”

“It’s not much of a bet if you’re refusing to participate, you know.”

“You’re not likely to win my good will if you force me to do things I don’t want to, you know,” Janus said, but he put his book down anyway and looked out his window.

It’s not like he hadn’t ridden in a plane before, he knew there was something to be said for a view from thousands of feet in the air.  But that was also just sort of common sense, or something he could watch on YouTube if he really wanted to.

Still, he supposed the view was alright.

He spent most of the flight reading, or half watching the in-flight movie that was playing.  Patton spent the time writing something down, reading a book of his own, or looking out the window over Janus’ shoulder.

At one point not long before they were supposed to land, he turned to Janus.  “Do you want to say anything to my friend?”

Janus stared at him.  “Why in the world would I want to say anything to your friend?”

“I told him I’m going on a trip with you, and I said I was gonna write him and his little brother some letters.  I want to know if you want him to know anything about you.”

“Ah, yes, as a matter of fact, let me start with where it all went wrong in my life.”

“Okay,” Patton said, smiling like for some baffling reason he thought Janus was serious.

“This is going to be a long two weeks, isn’t it,” Janus said, leaning his chin over onto his hand.

A second later the intercom came on saying they would start their descent soon.  Small mercies, he supposed.

…

Janus had seen quite a few sunsets before in his life, but he’d always sort of imagined seeing one over the ocean would have a different kind of effect.  And now he was wondering if it would be something like this.

Patton, not that he would ever admit it, had been right.  This did live up to the hype.  Janus almost couldn’t comprehend so much space, and all right in front of him.

There were a couple of clouds that the sun was setting into, which Janus actually appreciated, as they were preventing the sun from shining right in his eyes.

“I took my friend and his little brother here when I first met them,” Patton said, from his spot sitting next to Janus on the rocks they were perched on.  “We make an annual trip now.”

“Why exactly do you keep bringing them up?” Janus asked, glaring over at him.  “And why exactly are you talking at all?”

“Well, I figured it would be fair if you know a little about my friend before you meet him.”

“I’m not going to meet him.”

“You are if I win the bet, silly,” Patton said.  “Besides, I told you.  You remind me of my friend when I first met him.  I brought him and his little brother here because it seemed like they both needed something to live for.”

Janus rolled his eyes and looked back out at the sunset like that was ridiculous.

But though he wouldn’t say it, he was thinking that he kind of got how this would do it.

Patton pulled out his phone after a second and took a couple pictures of the sunset.  Janus wanted to ask him to send them to him.  He wouldn’t, obviously.

“Does it ever get old?” he asked after a second.

“Coming back here?” Patton asked.  “Nah.”

“Really?”

“I might not come as often if I lived closer,” Patton said with a shrug.  “But I live in Florida, so no, I don’t think once a year will ever get old to me.”

Janus looked back out across the canyon.  The sun was just about to drop below the horizon, but apparently it had decided to paint fire across the sky first.  Janus crossed his arms over his chest and watched it.  And for once, Patton didn’t say anything to ruin the moment.

For the next half hour or so, they sat in silence, and Janus took the time to breathe without really thinking of much.  It had been a while since he’d been on a vacation.  And just because this one’s premise had been so firmly rooted in stupidity didn’t mean he wasn’t going to enjoy it.  The main thing was just not letting Patton know he was enjoying it.

It seemed to take forever for the sun to actually sink below the horizon, but eventually darkness began to settle in, as well as a chill with it that had been less noticeable with the sunset as a distraction.

“Alright,” Patton said, seeming to notice.  “We’ll rest tonight and have a day to do whatever we want tomorrow.  The bus routes are very nice, I recommend doing a couple.  And then we can get some food at this Mexican place I like in town, if you like Mexican food.”

Janus shrugged.  “You’re the one who’s picking all the destinations,” he said.

“The larger ones,” Patton agreed.  “You still get a say in what we eat and what we do at each one, Jan.”

“Please refrain from giving me nicknames,” Janus said without any comments about the activities Patton had suggested.  They both climbed up to where the guide for their tour had been watching slightly above them, and then towards the car to head back to the tour guide site.  Patton, surprisingly, didn’t talk on the way, instead just writing another letter for his friend.

It was only after they’d arrived back at the site and were heading to their car that Patton spoke.  “Do you want me to say anything about your thoughts?” he asked.

“Why would I want that?” Janus asked, giving Patton a look.

“Hey, just offering,” Patton said, tucking his letter and pen away.  “I can drive back, unless you want to?”

“I’m just a passenger on this trip,” Janus said, pulling his phone out.

“Fair enough,” Patton said, and that was thankfully the last thing he said.

…

The bus routes were slightly less of an amazement then the sunset, but that wasn’t exactly much of a letdown.  Janus’ favorite place where they stopped was called “The Abyss,” mostly because it made him think of Virgil and how much he would have loved being there just for the name.

Janus, despite himself, took quite a few pictures, but he still didn’t think they’d do it justice.  It was hard to capture on camera the sensation of feeling so small.

He did make sure that Patton didn’t notice, of course.  He had a reputation to uphold and, more importantly, a bet to win.  He’d just be slightly blown away by the scenery in front of him while wearing a totally blank face.

It seemed to fool Patton at least, though it didn’t take away from his own enjoyment because nothing seemed to.  He should probably try and come up with ways to spin this into a negative thing.  He could mention the number of people who’d died by falling off the edge, or the easy murder tactic that would be difficult to prove.  For some reason, though, he got the sense that Patton would be more bothered if he just pretended to be unaffected.

So, he marveled at the sight in front of him while making no commentary or showing no awe on his face whatsoever.

…And taking pictures.  But you couldn’t blame him for that.

At the end of the day, Janus was thoroughly exhausted, but not at all in an unpleasant way, and he crawled into bed surprisingly satisfied with the day he’d had.  And if this was the route Patton was planning on taking, Janus would win the bet for sure.

They woke up the next day with a fairly short drive ahead of them.  The distance from the Grand Canyon to Zion National Park, their next stop, was only about 2 hours, meaning they didn’t have to rush through anything while getting ready.

Unfortunately, the worst part was not getting ready or the distance of the drive.  It was the fact that Patton hummed while he drove.  He was currently in the middle of The Campfire Song Song from SpongeBob, and Janus was about at the end of his rope.

“Do you have to do that?” he snapped, and Patton glanced over at him.

“Do what?” he asked.

“The humming, for God’s sake.  And SpongeBob, really?”

“I find it helps the drive pass better than sitting in silence,” Patton said brightly, turning his gaze to the road.  “But my friend doesn’t like it either.  You have a lot in common, you know.”

“I am simply thrilled to hear that,” Janus muttered.

“Do you want me to say anything about The Grand Canyon to my friend?” Patton asked.  “Did you have a favorite stop?”

“I did not,” Janus lied, leaning against the window.

“Ah, I gotcha.  It’s hard for me to choose too,” Patton said.  He smiled upwards out of the windshield.  “Gosh, there’s so much sky out here!”

He wasn’t wrong.  There were long stretches of road with nothing blocking the sky whatsoever, and everything was so flat that you could see horizon to horizon.  Janus could almost picture himself happy living out here, if he could picture himself happy living anywhere.  It was just that gorgeous.

“Wow, you’re right,” he deadpanned anyway.  “What is this strange thing above me, I’ve never seen it before.  Look, it’s blue.”

“Oh come on, Janus,” Patton said.  “You live in Florida too, I know you know what I mean.  We don’t see sky like this.”

Janus sighed as if he was annoyed, but he was quiet for a few seconds afterwards.

“We don’t,” he admitted.  “I imagine the stargazing will be something.”

“Well, the stargazing might actually still be a little closer to what you’re used to in regards to amounts of sky, but don’t worry, we’ll be driving plenty at night if you want to see it like this.  Zion is still well worth it though.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Janus said coolly, looking at Patton out of the corner of his eye.

“Well of course you will, that’s what this whole trip is for,” Patton said cheerfully, as if Janus had just made a joke they were both in on.

Janus scoffed and looked out the window, and they both remained silent for a while after that.

…

For a second time, Patton was infuriatingly right.

Zion National Park was essentially a park full of mountains.  They were technically called ‘cliffs,’ but that didn’t seem accurate.  They were massive red structures that stretched into the sky above them, and there was a road through the main section of the park that they could drive through.  Every now and then Janus thought he’d stopped being amazed, but then they’d turn a corner or go through a tunnel and end up facing somehow larger and more gorgeous mountains than they’d seen before.

“We should reach the welcome center at the end of this road,” Patton said, who was somehow able to say anything when faced with all this.  “And that should be the area our campsite is in.”

Ah, yes, they were apparently camping for the night.  Janus would normally be irritated, but if it meant waking up to this the next morning, it might honestly be worth it.

Not that he’d say that to Patton, of course.  As far as he was concerned, the camping was inexcusable, which it would be 99% of the time.

This time, however, they were camping near a welcome center with indoor bathrooms and water, and also surrounded by insanely gorgeous mountains, so Janus would give it a pass.  (Begrudgingly.  In his head.)

They pulled into a parking lot at the end of the drive, and Patton headed to the trunk to pull the tent out.

“Would you mind helping me set up?” Patton asked.  “It’s difficult to do as one person.”

Janus considered that for a minute.  He could refuse just to show how little he was affected by everything they’d done so far, but that just seemed needlessly cruel, and a little petty.  He wasn’t necessarily opposed to doing things that were needlessly cruel and a little petty, but at this point it might just prove he had been affected by something Patton had done.  And he hadn’t been affected by any of it, of course.

So, he moved to help Patton carry the tent a short distance to a grassy area next to a stream, with other tents nearby.

It had been a very long time since Janus set up a tent, but he actually didn’t find it particularly difficult.  He could either blame it on muscle memory, or the fact that Remus wasn’t standing off to the side shouting dick jokes and distracting him and Virgil both.  One of those options made Janus look much better though.

“Thanks, you’re not bad at this,” Patton said, putting his hands on his hips as they both stood up to a completed tent.

“Muscle memory,” Janus said with a shrug.  “I have camped before, you know.”

Patton didn’t say anything to that, just went back to the car to get the box of food for dinner.  They ate a bunch of snacky foods for dinner, since neither of them were very adept at grilling and leaving to get food from a restaurant would, according to Patton at least, “ruin the mood.”

It was starting to get darker as they finished eating, and Patton grabbed a letter from the car to write to his friend as Janus grabbed one of the books he’d brought and sat down on the picnic table they’d eaten dinner at.  Small chatter came from the other groups around them as some people started fires and started making s’mores.

“You want to say anything to my friend?” Patton asked as he seemed to be finishing up the letter.

“Strangely, still no,” Janus said, giving him a look.  “Do you have to ask that every single time?”

“I do, and you can’t stop me,” Patton said with a bright smile.  “Give me just a sec, I’ll go grab the wood and we can light a fire.”

“We’re lighting a fire?”

“What’s the point of camping without s’mores, Janus?”

Janus scowled and turned back to his book before the light was gone from the sky.  Remus had a very similar outlook.  Janus had never felt particularly strongly about s’mores, and had only done them because Remus had enjoyed them.  He didn’t exactly care for them anymore.

It was apparently impossible to stop Patton when he’d decided on something however, because ten minutes later a fire was burning in their campfire’s pit, and Patton was laying the ingredients for s’mores out on the table.

“I don’t know about you, but personally I think the only proper way to do marshmallows for s’mores is to burn them,” Patton said, with a grin that looked slightly unsettling in the firelight.

“Sure, okay,” Janus said, raising an eyebrow and setting his book aside, as it was now too dark to read it.  “Whatever you prefer.”

“Do you want a burned one?”

“I’m not eating s’mores,” Janus said, rolling his eyes and rising to put his book back in the car.

“Oh, do you not like them?” Patton asked, seeming confused by the prospect, as if this was the first time he’d ever encountered differing food preferences.

“Not especially,” Janus said coolly.  “I’m sorry that ruins your plans so thoroughly.”

“Oh, it doesn’t,” Patton said, reaching to the side.  “Here, I’ll make some for me and you can just have a bar of chocolate all to yourself then.”

Janus scowled but snatched the chocolate.  He wasn’t going to turn it down, it was still chocolate.  He took his book back to the car and pulled out a blanket he’d been going to use for sleeping in the car but that he supposed he could use in a tent as well.

He sat on the picnic table bench next to the fire and listened to the sound of guitars and singing from groups nearby.

“I didn’t bring my guitar this time,” Patton said as if he could read Janus’ mind.  “Just cause we were going on such a long trip and there’s so much other stuff to bring.  But if you ever want to come back just here for a while, I could bring it.”

“I’m not going to see you again after I win this bet,” Janus said, giving Patton a deadpan look.

“Aww, I hope I can change your mind about that,” Patton said, giving Janus a smile before turning back to his s’mores.

Janus sat back and started listening to the music, and the people laughing around him, and the nighttime bugs starting to come out, and the crackling of the fires.  Patton sat back on the bench a second later, but didn’t say anything, just gave Janus a smile that Janus could barely see in the dark and sat back to listen to the sounds with him.

Eventually, Patton nudged him, and Janus gave him an irritated look, but Patton was looking up at the sky, so a second later Janus did the same.

The stars had started to come out, and even though they weren’t done doing so they were more stars than Janus saw unless he was out in the country.

“Wait a little bit,” Patton whispered.  “We should see the milky way.”

Janus didn’t know exactly how to feel about that, so he didn’t say anything.  Patton wasn’t wrong though.  As the sky got darker, the milky way became visible, and Janus couldn’t think of anything else to do other than sit back and stare at it, so that’s what he did.

“It’s something else, isn’t it,” Patton said quietly.

“Patton, shut up,” Janus said.  He meant it so he could keep looking, but Patton didn’t have to know that.

Patton chuckled a little bit, but said, “Okay,” and was quiet from that moment on.

Janus wasn’t sure when he went to bed that night, but he knew it was after quite a long time of just sitting and staring at the stars.

Finally though, he and Patton both headed back to the tent, and Janus was half asleep and he could tell Patton was too.

Janus got in the tent first and crawled into his sleeping bag, but Patton stayed just outside and kept looking at the sky for a second more.

“Now, I don’t know about you,” he said, glancing at Janus as he stepped inside the tent.  “But I can find some good in things like this.”

Janus blinked, startled by the fact that he’d forgotten for a moment the reason they were here.  He thought for a minute, but he didn’t have to think for long enough to make him nervous.

“That might be true,” he said, turning to face the other side of the tent.  “But it doesn’t get you any closer to winning the bet.”

“It doesn’t?” Patton asked, sounding surprised for the first time, and Janus smirked, enjoying the slight victory.  “Why not?”

Janus rolled over again to face Patton as he finished zipping up the tent and started for his sleeping bag.

“Because the point of this is supposed to involve finding good in humanity,” he said.  “And looking at beautiful landscapes and spectacles of nature might be rather amazing, but it doesn’t say anything about humanity.”

“I think it says something about humanity that we’ve specifically put laws in place to protect places like this,” Patton said.

Janus scoffed.  “The environment is constantly in danger from humans,” he said.  “Even national parks aren’t guaranteed safety if the wrong person ends up in charge.  These are only here for as long as humanity deems them worthy.  And humanity definitely isn’t good enough to do that.  You’re going to have to try a little harder than this.”

And with that, he turned back around and laid down again.  He had almost fallen asleep when he heard Patton say, quietly, “Fair enough.”

…

They were apparently done with the national parks.  Janus put on a mocking tone, but he wasn’t completely faking his disappointment.  Despite himself, he had enjoyed going to see beautiful places with Patton.  It was enjoyable, if obviously temporary and wholly unrelated to the bet they’d made.

But instead, the following day Patton woke him up early and said they were going to Lagoon Amusement Park on the other side of the state, which was a very hard shift in tone, at least in Janus’ opinion.

Patton seemed to at least be aware of this, so before they went there, they stopped for breakfast in a busier city, just to get used to more people around.

“We should get some ice cream too,” Patton said as they got back in the car.  “You want to get some after the amusement park, or before?”

“Getting it after will be cheaper,” Janus pointed out.  “Everything in amusement parks costs more than it should.”

“Maybe, but I’m handling the money so don’t worry about it,” Patton said.  “Just let me know if you see something you want to try.”

They got to Lagoon Amusement Park at around 10:00, and got into the park after buying the tickets about a half hour later.  At that point they still had a while before either of them would want lunch, so Janus immediately got them in line for a roller coaster called Wicked, because he had a theme to stick with here.

The line was pretty long for the time it took to ride the actual coaster, but it was fast and just as fun as riding a roller coaster usually was.  Janus hadn’t really had expectations in coming here, but it seemed like they were just going to an amusement park.  It was fun, but he wasn’t sure what exactly he was supposed to be learning about humanity from it.

Either way, Patton seemed content to let him pick everything they were doing, so Janus picked some coasters that looked interesting and just sat back to enjoy the ride.  They hadn’t ridden everything that caught his eye by the time they got lunch, but his favorites so far were two coasters called Colossal the Fire Dragon, which rode up against the ground in a very adrenaline-inducing way, and an older one that was just called Roller Coaster, which Patton spent the walk to lunch coming up with better names for.

The lunch itself was just amusement park food, in that it was ridiculously overpriced chicken strips and fries, but it fit the mood rather well, and Patton didn’t seem to mind, so Janus wasn’t going to say anything about it.

They went on a water ride called Rattlesnake Rapids after lunch, since it was starting to get hotter, and there was a waterfall at the end that Janus very decidedly ignored the “stay seated” rule to make sure he was under as they passed.

He let Patton pick what they were doing next, which he immediately recognized as a mistake when Patton wanted to go on the teacups, but it was too late to take it back now.

“This was my favorite ride as a kid,” Patton said, spinning the wheel slightly as Janus leaned back and very much did not.  “It’s nice to bask in the nostalgia for a little bit, you know?”

“I can certainly understand wanting to lie to yourself by pining after an existence that no longer exists anymore,” Janus said, giving Patton a deadpan look.  He expected the other to protest, or get even a little irritated and say that’s not what he meant.

Instead, Patton tipped his head slightly and smiled knowingly.  “Oh, can you?”

Janus coughed slightly in surprise, staring at Patton for a second.  But the latter simply turned back to spinning the wheel again.  After a second, just to get rid of the awkward tension, Janus did the same.

“What’s so great about nostalgia anyway?” he muttered.  “I wouldn’t think you go to amusement parks to bask in nostalgia.”

“Mm, maybe not,” Patton agreed, “but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a sad thing.  I like to think that sometimes nostalgia can remind you of the good times you had.  You just have to be careful to not get stuck in it.”

He sounded like that was something he was familiar with, but Janus didn’t get time to point that out, as the ride was ending.

A second after it did Patton stood up, holding his hand out to Janus.  “Let’s go on the Cannibal ride.  I’ve heard good things.”

“Back to coasters, are we?” Janus asked, ignoring Patton’s hand and stepped out of the car himself.

“Well, that’s the main reason we’re here, isn’t it?” Patton said with a smile.

They headed out the exit gate and Patton pointed out the sign that was leading to Cannibal, so they both headed that direction.

“You know,” Patton said as they walked.  “You don’t have to try to ruin a good time.”

Janus scowled at him.  “That’s not what I’m doing.”

“I didn’t feel at all sad about riding the teacups until you tried to make it that way,” Patton said, giving him a look.

Despite himself, Janus winced inwardly.  “I… wasn’t trying to make you sad,” he admitted.

“It’s okay,” Patton said, smiling again, seeming to show it had passed.  “But that can happen when you try to intentionally ruin the fun.  And I think you’re missing the point of this.”

Janus scowled again, irritated by Patton thinking he’d managed to call him out on something.  “And what’s the point, exactly?”

“The point is fun,” Patton said, like that should be obvious.  “We’re just having fun today.  It doesn’t have to be something you’re lying to yourself to achieve, and you don’t have to be repressing anything.  You can just have fun, Janus.”  He smiled warmly.  “I mean, that’s the point of amusement parks, isn’t it?  They’re a place humans made to come have fun.”

Janus didn’t know quite what to say to that.  “That’s moronic,” he went with finally.

“Suit yourself,” Patton said with a look.  “Just know that you’re the one ruining it for both of us, then.”

Janus huffed and crossed his arms, but infuriatingly, Patton had a point.  He wasn’t going to let go of his pride that easily, but he had a point.

“Janus,” Patton said, as they approached the start line for Cannibal.

Janus turned to glare at him again, but surprisingly he didn’t find Patton smiling again.  Instead, he looked slightly concerned, his brows furrowed.

“You do know that I’m not going to think less of you if you admit to enjoying yourself, right?” Patton said.  A second later he smiled again, but it wasn’t his bright one.  Instead, it was soft, and something in Janus… didn’t hate it, no matter how much he wanted to.

He still scowled and looked away, but by the time they actually made it to the front of the ride, he’d decided to maybe let himself enjoy it.

You know.  As long as Patton didn’t see.

…

In the last half hour before the park closed, they ended up getting ice cream from a place called PV’s Ice Cream Parlor and sitting on a park bench to relax as the day came to a close.

“Tomorrow we’re going to be driving a little ways,” Patton said.  “The main attraction is a dinner at this restaurant run by a friend of mine, but it’s in Kansas.  It’s about a twelve hour drive.”

“We can take shifts then,” Janus said before he could think about it too much.

Patton gave him a surprised look.  “You sure?”

“I’m not going to make you drive for twelve hours straight, Patton,” Janus said, giving him a look.

“Well I couldn’t even if I wanted too,” Patton said, giving Janus a teasing grin.  “I could only drive twelve hours gay.”

“Nevermind, now you’re driving the full twelve hours.”

Patton laughed, and Janus scowled to cover up the sudden warmth in his chest.

“Thank you Janus,” he said with a warm smile.  “I appreciate it.”

Patton finished his ice cream first, and then reached into the bag he’d brought into the park and pulled out a piece of paper that he started writing on, likely another letter to his friend.

“Do you want to say anything?” Patton asked as he wrote.

“No, Patton, I never do, and I never will,” Janus said in exasperation.  “Why are you writing letters in the first place, don’t you have a phone?”

“My friend said he wanted a record to keep of my experiences with you on this trip,” Patton said.

“You… why?”

Patton laughed a little.  “It’s very on brand for him, actually.  I think he’s looking forward to seeing you.”

“He’s never even met me.”

“He can’t be looking forward to it?” Patton asked, giving Janus a brief look before turning back to his letter.

“I think it’s a little strange,” Janus said.

Patton just hummed thoughtfully and kept on writing.

Janus finished his ice cream around the time that the announcements came on telling people they were closing, so he and Patton both headed for the exit.

“The hotel isn’t far from here, I think,” Patton said.  “But I’ve never been there before, so I might need directions.”

“What’s the address?” Janus asked, pulling out his phone.  Patton gave it, and he typed it in, and a couple minutes later they were on the way there.

Patton’s habit of humming to himself as he drove was apparently a regular thing, which was incredibly annoying, obviously, but Janus was finding it surprisingly less annoying than it had been on the drive away from Zion.  It must be the different tone of the day.  Yeah, that was it.

But when they got to the hotel and checked in, Patton seemed like he was slowing down, and though it was probably just the exhaustion of a very long day, it still caught Janus’ attention.

Patton changed in the bathroom once they got in their room so Janus could change outside and climb into bed, and when he came out Janus set down the book he was reading and turned to face him.  “Patton?”

“Yes?” Patton asked, turning to face him.

“I feel like it’s important to state that it’s also okay to be sad,” Janus said, and Patton blinked at him for a minute as he climbed under the covers of his own bed.

“I don’t mean that…” Janus paused, trying to figure out how to phrase his words in a way that would make clear that he wasn’t saying Patton was right about anything.

“I hope you know that it’s okay to be sad sometimes,” he ended on.  “You don’t always have to be fine.”

Patton seemed to get what he meant, and he smiled warmly.  “I know,” he said.  “Really, I do.  I’ve been called out on that quite a few times, actually.  It’s something I’m working on.  But I know it’s okay to be sad.  It’s just a matter of reminding myself sometimes.”

Janus nodded, satisfied enough at that.  “Okay.  Well it really is.  I’m not going to think any less of you for being sad.  Not that—” he cleared his throat and looked away.  “Not that I think highly of you, or anything.  I don’t.”

Patton didn’t say anything for long enough that Janus thought the conversation ended, and picked up his book to go back to reading.

A second later Patton clicked off his lamp.  “Thank you, Janus,” he said softly.

Janus didn’t respond.

…

“So it’s a restaurant your friends own?” Janus asked, turning down the street Patton pointed at.

“Yep!  It’s technically a wedding cake shop, but they serve food too.  They don’t technically serve dinner, but Roman likes me.”

“So is one of these people the friend you keep writing to?” Janus asked.

“Nope, they’re different ones.  The friend I’m writing to lives back in Florida with us.  I’ve known Roman since college, though.  He was my roommate.  He and Thomas have been dating almost as long.”

“Mm.  They okay?  Just living here and all that?”

“Oh, yeah.  Things have gotten better in the years since they started their shop.  It’s not like they don’t get some hateful people every now and then, but where don’t you?  And they love it here.”

Janus hummed again in acknowledgement and turned again when Patton said to.

“You can park here,” he said, pointing over at the side of the road.  “The shop is at the end of this street.”

Janus pulled over, turned off the car, and leaned back with a sigh.

“Oh, I know, right?” Patton said, stretching his arms over his head.  “We’re gonna stay here for tomorrow too, just so we don’t have to drive anywhere.”

“Good,” Janus muttered, climbing out of the car so he could stretch too.

“We’ve got about half an hour before I told Roman we’d show up, you want to walk around for a bit?” Patton asked.

“Yes I do,” Janus said, heading over to the sidewalk and looking around for the first time without having to focus on the roads.

Hays wasn’t a major area, but there were still quite a few people around, meaning the two of them ended up sticking close together just so they wouldn’t lose each other.  They were close to a lot of stores, so they ended up window shopping for fifteen minutes or so before heading back the way they came.  Janus didn’t see anything he particularly liked, but the experience was enjoyable enough.

As they approached the shop Patton said was Roman’s, Patton seemed to light up, and Janus wondered for a moment if he was this excited to see all of his friends.  By the time they reached the door, Patton pushed it open practically beaming.

“Roman!” he called, and the person behind the counter glanced up with a grin of his own.

“Patton!” he called, and set aside the frosting he was using in order to run around the counter and pick Patton up and spin him around.

Patton laughed as he did, and got squeezed in a hug once he was set down.

“It’s so good to see you,” Patton said, beaming up at Roman.  “It’s been way too long!”

“It has,” Roman agreed, letting go with a wide smile before turning to face Janus.  “So is this the famous Janus I’ve heard about?”

Janus scowled, glaring slightly at Patton.  “How many of your friends have you told about me?”

“I told Roman and Thomas because we were coming here, silly,” Patton said.  “I didn’t want to show up out of nowhere with someone they’d never met before.”

“And I’d watch your tone to my Patton,” Roman said, giving Janus a warning look.  “If you hurt him you’re gonna have a lot of angry people to deal with.”

“Roman,” Patton said, crossing his arms.  “I can handle myself.”

“I would never imply you couldn’t,” Roman said with a smile at Patton.  “That’s not going to stop any of us from being angry, though.”

Janus scoffed and rolled his eyes.

Roman gave him another look, but turned to head back behind the counter.  “So, Pat, Thomas is making your favorite in the back as we speak.  And what is it that you would like?” he addressed the second question at Janus.

Patton had given Janus a menu to look at on the way here, so Janus already knew what he was getting, but a large part of him wanted to annoy Roman for a reason he couldn’t really pin down.

“What are your options?” he said, looking casually down at his nails.

“Here, I’ve still got the menu pulled up,” Patton said, pulling out his phone and ruining Janus’ entire plan with a pleasant smile on his face.

Janus sighed, took the phone, pretended to look at it for a minute, and then looked back up at Roman.  “I’ll have pancakes with the strawberries and strawberry syrup on top, please,” he said, glancing boredly up at Roman.

“Coming right up,” Roman said with a smile, writing that down and heading back through a door.

Janus had a brief moment to hope that he’d stay there before he reappeared to pick up the frosting and start frosting the cake that he’d been working on.

“So how have you been Patton?” Roman asked, grinning at Patton, who didn’t seem bothered at all by the fact that Roman had come back out.

“I’ve been great!” Patton said happily.  “Work’s been awesome lately, I’ve gotten to help a ton of people!”

Janus sighed as Patton continued to talk, and moved to go sit down at one of the tables and prepared himself for a night of being ignored while Patton caught up with his friend.  Unfortunately, the second he started to move, Patton turned to face him.

“And then I met Janus!” he said happily, pulling Janus back into the conversation.  “We’ve been driving across the country, like I said in my message, it’s been lovely.  Don’t you think, Janus?”

“No,” Janus said, crossing his arms.

“Oh, he’s just teasing, he’s been having fun,” Patton said, with a knowing smile at Janus.  “Hey Janus, Roman comes with me on the yearly Grand Canyon trip too.  He and Thomas both love it.”

“That we do,” said a new voice, and they all turned to see someone else coming out of the kitchen with two plates of pancakes, the stack with strawberries for Janus, and the one with peaches for Patton.  “Though we tend to drive there.  Fourteen hours isn’t nothing, but we’re still much closer than you two.”

“And I would still pay for a flight for you both,” Patton said, like this was an argument they’d had many times.  A second later, he confirmed this by turning to Janus and saying, “We’ve had this argument many times.”

“Good to know,” Janus said, picking up his plate of pancakes from the counter and heading back to a table.

“Oh, come sit with us!” Patton called to Thomas and Roman as he grabbed his own pancakes.

Janus gave him a look, trying to convey “Seriously?” with his eyes.

Patton seemed to pick up on it, but he just raised an eyebrow at Janus.

“This is why we’re here, Jan,” he said.  “Come on, let’s sit and talk.”

Janus sighed and started cutting up his pancakes as Thomas and Roman both sat down.  Janus turned to Thomas, as the less annoying of the two, and said, “So, Patton says you and Roman have been dating since college?”

“That’s right,” Thomas said, with way too sappy a smile at Roman.  “We’re both theater geeks.  We acted together in a ton of plays.”

Roman grinned back at him and gave Thomas a quick peck on the lips, resulting in both of them smiling at each other for another second before turning to face Patton and Janus again.

“Theater isn’t terrible,” Janus admitted, cutting another bite of his pancakes, which were actually quite good.  “I prefer directing myself, but I haven’t done it since high school.”

“It’s not exactly a steady gig,” Roman said with a shrug.  “Hence the cake shop.  But we do some from time to time.  Sometimes we get hired to do a Christmas play.  We did a Christmas Carol remake last year.”

“A friend of mine had a large hand in the ghost designs,” Patton said with a wink at Janus.  “He and his brother came up for the whole season, and I joined them too.  We all had a ton of fun together.”

It sounded fun, though Janus wasn’t going to say it out loud.  He didn’t really do a lot for Christmas anymore.  He’d used to spend it with his mom, and oftentimes Virgil and Remus, but… well.  It had been a long time.

Thomas said something else, and Janus shook himself out of his thoughts to realize he was asking Janus about his pancakes.

“Oh,” Janus said, glancing down at them.  “Yes, they’re delicious.”

“Awesome,” Thomas said with a bright smile.  “The strawberry ones are my favorite to make.”

“We’d get along well then, they’re my favorite to eat,” Janus said, putting another bite in his mouth.  Thomas laughed.

The conversation lasted a while after that and spanned quite a few topics about things they’d done before, but surprisingly Janus didn’t find himself feeling left out.  It was probably because any time he was about to, Patton would explain something to him or ask him a question and pull Janus right back into the loop again.

By the time they left to head back to the hotel, Janus was forced to begrudgingly admit that Thomas was lovely and Roman wasn’t the worst person he’d ever met.

“Aww, you like them!” Patton said happily on the way up to their room.  He beamed at Janus as he said it, seeming ridiculously happy for some reason.

“They’re alright,” Janus said, but he’d decided on how he’d play this on the way over, so he ended with, “but I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

Patton’s smile faded into a confused look.  “Relevant?”

Janus gave him a look.  “Your attempt to prove that there’s good in humanity.  Whether or not I like your friends doesn’t seem relevant to that argument.”

Patton sighed, sounding resigned, but after a second all he did was turn to face Janus again, and say “I disagree.”

“And why is that?” Janus said, crossing his arms.

“Well, you had fun at the amusement park yesterday.  And you had fun with my friends today.  Fun and friends are two very human things in my opinion,” Patton said.  “They’re good things that humans have built for the sake of other humans.  The sake of other humans enjoying themselves and forming relationships.  And that doesn’t have to be fake, remember?”

“Oh, please,” Janus said, rolling his eyes.  “What does that prove about all of humanity?  You have to be rich or have connections in order to do the things we did.”

“What are you talking about?” Patton asked in confusion.

“The average person can’t just decide to go to an amusement park whenever they want to,” Janus pointed out.  “And the only reason we were able to talk with your friends all night is because you already knew them.  You said they don’t do dinners.  It was only something we could do through nepotism.  And while this may be a relatively harmless example, that doesn’t change the fact that in order to experience joys in life, you have to have money or connections.  That doesn’t sound like a species that’s good overall to me.”

Patton didn’t say anything to that for a long time, and for a minute Janus almost thought he might have made some ground.

Why didn’t that feel as good as he’d thought it would?

But he was proven wrong when they reached their room and before going in, Patton turned to him with just as determined a look on his face as ever.

“Okay,” he said.  “We’re gonna stay here for another day.”

“I thought we were already doing that,” Janus said, crossing his arms.

“No, we’re staying for two days now, because we’ve got something to do tomorrow.”

“What?  Since when?”

“Since right now,” Patton said simply, pulling out the key and turning to face the door.  He pulled the luggage cart in behind them both and handed Janus his day bag.  “Alright, I’m going to take this down to the front.  Sleep well, Janus.”

Janus sighed, long and irritated. “No, give me the cart,” he said, grabbing Patton’s day bag and taking the cart from him.  “You pushed it up here, I’ll take it back.”

He left before Patton could protest, or thank him, or anything else.  He needed to sleep for a while, today had been very long.

But not, his brain pointed out, annoyingly, very bad.

…

They went to Roman and Thomas’ shop again for breakfast the following morning, though it had other customers this time meaning they couldn’t talk to the two of them.

Janus got strawberry pancakes again because it was what he deserved, and also he didn’t think he’d ever get enough of the way Thomas made them.  Patton got eggs, but Janus kept catching him casting glances at his pancakes, so he pushed the last one of his stack of three over at him.

“Here, I’m full, eat it or I’ll throw it away,” he lied.

“Oh.  Thanks, Janus,” Patton said, starting to cut it up.

“I would have thrown it away anyway.  You just look conveniently like a garbage can,” Janus said.

“Um, thank you?” Patton said, but after a second he ate the pancake.

Janus flipped his book open and read it as Patton finished eating, which didn’t take terribly long.  Afterwards, Patton looked up at him again.  “Okay,” he said.  “So the plan for the day doesn’t happen until tonight.  We can window shop again if you want?”

Janus set the book down for a second and looked up at Patton.  They’d both driven most of the day yesterday followed by a long night of staying up talking.  It was enjoyable, but that didn’t mean Janus wasn’t exhausted.  And Patton didn’t look much better off.

“Do you want to do that?” he asked, keeping a casual tone in his voice as he looked back down at his book.

“We can do whatever you’d like,” Patton said, smiling at Janus brightly.  It was strained though.  Janus didn’t doubt he’d make it through the day if he tried, but it also seemed like it would be more enjoyable for both of them to spend a day in a hotel room.

“Patton,” Janus said, closing the book and setting it aside.  “You look like you need rest.”

“Oh, I’ll be alright, Jan,” Patton said, waving it off.  “We drove for a while yesterday is all.  I told you that you get to pick the smaller things we do, if you want to do something out, we can do that.”

Janus gave Patton a long look and finally said, “I’d rather spend the day unwinding before tonight, actually.”

The relief in Patton’s eyes was probably only obvious since Janus was looking for it, but he still saw it.  Janus decided to bring it up later, but still closed his book and grabbed his card to head up to the front and pay.

“I’ll meet you at the car,” he said, and left before Patton could protest.  He paid Roman, who gave him a friendlier smile then he got yesterday.

“It was nice to meet you,” he said.  “So long as you’re not mean to Patton, you’re welcome anytime.”

Janus blinked in surprise.  “I… don’t imagine I’ll be coming back,” he said.  “I live in Florida.”

“Hey, you never know,” Roman said with a knowing smile that Janus couldn’t quite work out.  After a second, he brushed it off and headed back towards the door, where Patton had stopped to wait for him.

They headed back to the hotel room, and as they opened the door Janus spoke up.  “You know,” he said, “it’s not a bad thing to admit you need some rest.”

“Oh, I’m fine Janus,” Patton said, in the casual tone one only used when they were trying to brush something off.  “We’re both on a vacation, at least of sorts.  It’s not like there’s a ton of stress involved.”

“Things don’t have to be stressful to be tiring,” Janus said, crossing his arms.  “It’s also not a failure to admit to being tired.  We’re humans, we can’t go forever.  We need rest.”

“I’m okay,” Patton said, giving Janus a smile.

Janus gave him a look, trying to convey with his eyes that he wasn’t buying Patton’s bullshit.

Patton winced, clearly picking up on it.  “I’m not here for me,” he said after a second.  “I’ll be fine.”

“No, you’re here because of a petty bet we both made,” Janus said, rolling his eyes as he moved to sit on his bed.  “And trust me, I’m not going to think any less of you if you set some boundaries and ask for some time to yourself.  I’ll probably think more of you, actually.  I respect that kind of thing.”

Patton didn’t say anything to that, and Janus decided to leave it there for now.  But he did notice that after that Patton spent most of the day on his bed relaxing, reading, or napping.  They even ordered lunch to be delivered so they wouldn’t have to drive anywhere.

In fact, the first time Patton moved was about an hour before their event that was apparently at 7:00, and he looked much less tired than he had that morning.

He sat at their desk and pulled out a piece of paper to start writing a letter to his friend, and turned to Janus as soon as he did so.

“Do you want to say anything to them?”

Janus sighed in exasperation.  “If I give you something to say, will you stop asking?”

“I mean, until next time, sure,” Patton said with a smile.

Janus sighed again.  “Just tell them Thomas’ strawberry pancakes are good,” he said, waving his hand and turning back to face his phone, where he was scrolling through social media.

“You got it!” Patton said brightly, turning back to his paper.  True to his word, he didn’t say anything else to Janus until 6:45 when he said they had to leave to head out to Roman and Thomas’ shop again.  So Janus followed Patton down to the car, and they both drove the now-familiar route, which probably shouldn’t have been so familiar after only three trips.

When they got there, however, Patton parked a street away and got out of the car like they were walking from here.

“Uh, Patton?” Janus said, stepping out of the car.  “Is the other street full?”

“You can’t park there tonight,” Patton said with a smile back at Janus.  “The street is closed off starting at 6:30.”

“What?  Why?”

“Come see.”

Janus was too curious not to, so he followed Patton a street over, and as they got closer, he started to hear music.

When they turned the corner onto the street, Janus saw why it was closed.  Tables had been moved out to the sidewalks and people were mingling there and on the street, and a band was at the other end of the street right in front of Roman and Thomas’ shop, where Janus could just make out the two of them in front of a table full of food.

“What in the world is this?” Janus asked, as he and Patton both started towards them.

“This is something Roman and Thomas started a few years ago,” Patton said.  “Once a month, everyone in the area who wants to gathers for a potluck here.  There’s food and music and dancing, and all of it’s free, no money or nepotism required.  It’s at night after work is over, and they do their best to schedule it at a time where the most people possible can come.”

Patton turned to smile at Janus.  “We’re just here to enjoy the night.”

Janus didn’t say anything, just followed Patton up to the front table where Roman and Thomas were.

“Hey, Patton, hi Janus!” Thomas said happily.  “I’m glad you stuck around one more night!”

“Me too,” Patton said with a smile back.  “I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to make one of these next.”

“Well I hope it’s still soon,” Thomas said.  He turned to Janus next as he added, “the music starts at seven, but feel free to eat now.  I recommend Mackenzie’s spaghetti, and Logan’s biscuits for dessert.  He makes amazing jams.”

“Logan’s a friend of mine too,” Patton said, nudging him.  “He teaches at the high school near here.  I can introduce him to you later.”

“How many friends do you have?” Janus snapped, grabbing a plate as he started down the table.

“I love people,” Patton said happily.  “But if you’re talking about close friends, it’s just the five.”

“That’s five too many,” Janus grumbled, stopping at the spaghetti to take some.

“Oh come on Janus,” Patton said as he followed.  “I know you don’t believe that.”

“Oh, and that’s absolutely your place to say,” Janus snapped, glaring at Patton.  “How do you know how I feel?  If you have friends, you have to waste energy on people who aren’t you.  You have to trust them, which is foolish and ultimately pointless.  They make you think they’ll be there when you need them, but they’re not.”

It took Janus a second to realize that he really had snapped all of that without thinking it through.  As well as the fact that Patton hadn’t said anything yet.

Janus picked up his plate and moved further down the table, trying to achieve the likely impossible task of brushing past it.  Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work.

“Did… did that happen to you, Janus?” Patton asked quietly, moving to catch up with him.

“No,” Janus snapped.  “That’s just the kinds of things that can happen when you have friends.”

“Janus—”

“Oh fuck off, Patton,” Janus snapped, shooting him another glare.  “It was my fault anyway.”

With that, he turned and stormed off to find a table, not bothering to search for Logan’s biscuits and jams before doing so.

He shouldn’t have said any of that, for numerous reasons.  Not the least of which being that it really was his fault.  It would have been completely unfair to expect Virgil to be there for him when he was dealing with… well.  There was a reason he hadn’t told him anything.

That didn’t mean it hadn’t hurt, irrational as the feeling was.

Janus took a bite of his spaghetti and turned a second later as the band started playing music.  Right.  Patton had brought him here to have fun.  He didn’t particularly feel like having fun anymore.

Patton sat down before he could really consider whether or not it was fair to ask Patton if they could go back to the room.  From the look on his face, he seemed to have moved on from Janus’ accidental opening up and was smiling again.  Small mercies, Janus supposed.  Or maybe Patton just understood that he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Do you think you’d be up for meeting Logan?” Patton asked, giving him a warm look.  Definitely the second one, then.  “Here, I got you a biscuit by the way.  I know you left pretty fast, but these biscuits go faster.”

“Sure,” Janus said, taking the biscuits, and was surprised to find that he sort of meant it.  He was rather in the mood for a distraction now.

Patton pulled out his phone and texted who was presumably Logan, and less than a minute later a man in a black polo shirt and a dark blue tie approached their table.

“Hello Patton,” the man said.  “It’s lovely to see you again.”

“It’s great to see you too Lo,” Patton said, hopping up to give Logan a hug.  A second later he stood back and gestured over in Janus’ direction.  “And this is Janus.  He’s who I’ve been traveling with for about a week now.”

“Salutations,” Logan said, giving Janus a nod and a small smile.  “I’ve heard quite a bit about you, Janus.”

“Yes, everyone seems to have heard quite a bit about me,” Janus said, giving Patton a glare, though it probably wasn’t as serious as he intended it to be.  “The only thing I’ve heard about you is that you apparently make quite good biscuits and jams.”

“Oh, I don’t know if I’d say that,” Logan said, though the pride on his face was obvious.  “I do quite enjoy making them, though.”

“Here, Jan,” Patton said, nudging the biscuit he’d brought him towards Janus.  “Go on and try it.”

Janus picked up the biscuit and took a bite, and clearly his enjoyment must have shown on his face, because Logan started smiling proudly.

“It’s alright,” Janus grumbled, taking another bite.

“That means he thinks it’s delicious,” Patton said with a smile at Logan.

Janus hissed, and Patton turned his smile to him, looking amused.

Logan joined them while they ate, and Janus at least found him better company than Roman.  Mind you, he didn’t make strawberry pancakes, but he had lower energy than Roman did, and was easy to talk to.  By the time they finished eating, Janus would begrudgingly admit that he was having fun again.

Patton was having fun too, which was much less of a surprise.  Then, around the time Logan stood up to go get more food, people started to finish their meals and headed out onto the street to start dancing.  And here, Patton did manage to surprise him by reaching out a hand towards Janus.

“Hey Janus,” he said, eyes shining.  “Come dance with me.”

Janus blinked.  “What?”

“Come dance with me,” Patton repeated, like it was a perfectly normal sentence.  But he was smiling, and his eyes looked hopeful, and Janus found himself taking his hand.

And suddenly, before Janus could manage to really prepare himself, Patton had pulled them both out onto the street and was spinning them around in time with the music.

Janus considered himself a very good dancer, so it was confusing when suddenly he was having to concentrate to avoid stepping on Patton’s feet.  But his smile was being particularly distracting at the moment, which also didn’t make any sense, because Patton smiled all the time and it was the most annoying thing in the world.

Janus tried to focus on the music for a minute, and managed to lose himself in the rhythm being played, and the laughter of the people around him, and the way the lights were starting to shine in the darkening sky.  And finally, he and Patton were dancing across the street in time with each other, and Patton was beaming up at him.

The song ended, but it was clear neither of them wanted to sit down, because the next one played and they just shifted to match the new tempo.

People on the side of the street had started clapping, and everyone was laughing and smiling.  The energy was infectious, and after a second Janus started smiling too.  Patton beamed at him the second he did, eyes sparkling with the light around them.  Janus’ chest felt warm again.

This time though, it was easier to push the feeling away and focus on dancing with Patton.  This song was faster paced than the last one, but it wasn’t difficult for either of them to keep up, and though Patton was technically leading, Janus felt like he had just as much say in where they moved and what they did next.

Finally, as presumably the song started to crescendo to the end, they moved again across the street, and Janus decided to test that theory by shifting his arm and spinning Patton in a circle.  Patton didn’t fight the motion at all, and just grinned up at Janus as he did so.  Janus stopped spinning him and caught him in one arm just before the song ended.

Then for a long, drawn-out second, it felt like the world narrowed to just the two of them, and both of them stared right into each other’s eyes.

Sooner than he would have liked, another song started, and Janus jerked upright, pulling Patton harsher than he’d intended if the small yelp was anything to go by.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Janus said, catching him by the arm again and steadying him.

“That’s okay,” Patton said, his cheeks tinged slightly pink.  “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Janus said.  “I uh, I think I want a break from dancing.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good thought.  Let’s go sit for a while,” Patton said, pulling them both back past other dancers towards the sidewalk.  Janus held onto his arm so as not to lose him in the crowd.

They ended up at a different table than before, but thankfully with no other people there, and they both just sat for a while, watching other dancers and people talking.  Janus felt the evening calming down for the two of them, even if the others around them didn’t seem to be slowing down at all.

“Janus?” Patton said after a while.  From the tone of his voice, it sounded like he was deep in thought.

Janus turned to look at him, and his face matched the tone.  “Yes?”

“Did you mean it when you say you respect people who set boundaries well?”

“Yes,” Janus said again, leaning back in his chair.  “I appreciate people who consider themselves worthy of care and take steps to care for themselves.”

“Why?” Patton asked, sounding a little hesitant.

Janus looked at Patton for a minute.  He seemed uncertain in a way that meant he was definitely thinking about how bad he’d been at that today.  Janus found himself wanting to make him feel better.  Unfortunately, that required the truth.

He sighed inwardly.

“Because,” he said finally, “it’s something I’ve struggled with in the past.  And it didn’t end well for me.”

Patton blinked, seeming surprised at the answer.  “Oh.”

“I’m not going to think any less of you for struggling with something, Patton,” Janus said softly.  “But I hope you know that you’re worthy of care and rest.”

Patton didn’t seem to know quite what to say to that, but at least he didn’t disagree.  Finally, he just turned to look back out at the street again, meaning the conversation was probably over.

But then Patton said, “I don’t know if I know how to let myself have that.”

Janus looked back over at him.

“Not when someone else is struggling,” Patton said.

“You’re no good to others if you’re too exhausted to help,” Janus said simply.  “You can help far more people if you’re not burned out and forcing yourself to work anyway.”

From the look on Patton’s face, he knew Janus was right.  He didn’t say anything else though, which was fine.

It was definitely fine when, half an hour later, Patton said he was tired, and would Janus mind if they went back to the hotel room.

…

According to Patton, they were going to Kansas City the next day to sample some of the local queer scene.  It was only a four hour drive, though, and the bars didn’t open until later, so they both ate breakfast one more time with Roman and Thomas before leaving.  Logan joined that time too, which meant things were a little calmer overall, which he appreciated.

Janus took the first driving shift towards Kansas City, and Patton napped for about two hours, clearly having been wiped out by all the traveling.  Janus wasn’t exactly peppy himself, and slept the rest of the way after they switched.

They checked into their hotel with a couple hours to spare, so they both headed into their room and rested for a little longer.  Janus woke up first, and turned off the alarm he’d set, as they had a half an hour and he could just wake Patton up when they had to go.

Patton had kind of just thrown everything haphazardly down when they got here, meaning most of his stuff was strewn about.  It wasn’t that Janus had done much differently, but it did mean that his most recent letter was sitting over on the desk, partially finished and therefore not sealed in an envelope.

Janus considered going to look at it for a moment.  He’d started to wonder about this friend of Patton’s.  Patton mentioned them all the time, but Janus knew almost nothing about them.  He didn’t even know their name.  It’s not like he’d have to read the contents of the letter.  “Dear Name” would probably just be the first line.

Before he could really make a decision, however, Patton grumbled and shifted from his bed, and Janus turned around to face him.

“Welcome back to the world, Patton,” he said.  “We have to head out in about five minutes.”

“Mmkay.  I’m up,” Patton mumbled, sitting up and stretching.  “Can, um.  Can we leave a little later?  Maybe in fifteen minutes?”

“Of course,” Janus said, turning back to his phone.  “We have all night.”

“Thanks,” Patton said through a yawn.  He flopped back down on his pillow, presumably to just rest for a second, because he didn’t close his eyes.

For some reason, Janus found himself sneaking glances back at the bed.  Patton looked… not hideous, with a bedhead.  He was almost disappointed when he got up and the first thing he did was brush his hair.

He was ready in the fifteen minutes he said he’d be, though, and they headed on their way.

The bar they were going to was called Missie B’s, which Patton had picked because it was a karaoke bar as well as a queer bar.  Janus felt at ease as soon as they got there, in the kind of way you could only feel walking into a space designated for you.

Patton grinned at him the second they walked in.  “You wanna sing karaoke?”

Janus’ dislike of the idea must have shown on his face, because Patton laughed.

“You don’t have to,” he said.  “Come sit and watch me.”

So Janus ordered a glass of wine and sat down to watch as Patton headed up to sing.  He picked a song called Oranges, but Janus didn’t really pay much attention to the lyrics.  Instead he focused on Patton’s bright smile, and the way he was clearly loving every second of being up there, despite not having a traditionally pretty voice.

Everyone clapped when he finished, as they should, and Patton smiled brightly at everyone before heading back towards Janus.

The second he spotted him, his smile brightened even more, which… huh.  That felt nice.

They spent most of the time there at the table, drinking a little and filling up on the food the bar served.  But Janus didn’t feel particularly like drinking a lot tonight, and he could tell Patton didn’t either.

“Tomorrow we’re heading for St. Louis,” Patton said, pulling Janus’ attention back to him.  “There’s a queer cafe there that my friend suggested to me.  It’s called The Queen Bean.”

Janus snorted.  “I like the name.”

“I do too,” Patton said with a grin.  “I wish there’d been a place like that when I was growing up.  Not exactly many where I lived.  And I was too young to go to bars when I came out.”

“My mother started a weekly gathering after I came out to her,” Janus said with a small smile.  “She made cookies and tea.  It was just me and my friends at first, but eventually we had to move to a park because so many people wanted to come.”

“Oh that sounds wonderful,” Patton said.  “Your mother sounds amazing.”

Janus sighed, and his smile faded.  “She really was,” he said quietly.

“Was?” Patton said in surprise.  Janus wasn’t sure why he was surprised about it, but he glanced up at him and nodded.

“She died about six years ago,” Janus said, looking down at his wine glass.  “Car accident.  It was sudden.”

“Six years…” Patton said, sounding baffled by the statement.  Janus couldn’t imagine why.  It’s not like it was the world’s most unique story.

“Yes,” he said, glancing up at him.  “What’s so strange about that?”

Patton seemed to shake himself.  “Uh.  Nothing!  Sorry, I was just… thinking about… something else.”

“Um, okay,” Janus said, narrowing his eyes slightly suspiciously.

“I’ve gotta go to the bathroom,” Patton said suddenly, jumping up before Janus could say anything else and rushing off.

Janus watched him go for a second before turning back to the table.  Okay, so he was hiding something.  Should he push or not?

Trying to pull secrets out of people was a favorite pastime of his.  But for some reason he didn’t really want to make Patton uncomfortable, and he had a feeling that would happen if he pushed.

He also didn’t particularly want to keep talking about his mother.  He’d shoved all of that in a box in the back of his head for a reason.  He wasn’t just going to yank it out again because Patton was way too easy to open up to.

Janus ran his hands through his hair, then stood up to get another glass of wine.

By the time Patton came back out of the bathroom, Janus was significantly more tipsy, and he’d also decided to let whatever had happened go for now, so they both spent the rest of the evening acting like that conversation hadn’t happened.

…

Patton drove them to St. Louis the following day, while Janus slept off the slight headache he had left over from the extra glass of wine the night before.  He felt better when he woke up, just in time for them to pull into the hotel they were staying at in St. Louis.

“Morning sleepyhead,” Patton said, smiling at him.  “You feeling better?”

Janus grunted affirmatively and climbed out of the car to stretch.

“You want to take a few hours off before heading to the cafe?” Patton asked.

“That would be nice,” Janus agreed, moving to grab his day bag out of the back of the car.  He grabbed Patton’s too so he could carry them in while Patton parked the car, and waited in the lobby for Patton to arrive.

“Oh, you didn’t have to wait for me,” Patton said as he approached.

“I didn’t want to have to carry your bag the whole way,” Janus lied.  From the look on Patton’s face, he didn’t buy it for a second, but he didn’t say anything.

They both stayed in the hotel room for a few hours, just like they had yesterday, and then they headed out again and Patton drove them to “The Queen Bean.”

There was an assortment of pride flags on the walls when they walked in, and pamphlets with resources by the door.

Behind the counter where a long line was standing was a man with a very distinctive pair of sunglasses, wearing a bi pride pin and trans pride pin with he/him pronouns.

“That’s Remy,” Patton said, and Janus glanced over at him.  “My friend introduced me to him, he met him online.  Hey, do you trust me to pick your drink for you?  I know one I think you’d like.”

Janus shrugged.  “Sure.  I’m not waiting in line with you though.”

“Deal.  Grab us a table,” Patton said with a smile, getting in line.

Janus headed back to a table by the window, sat down and pulled out his phone.  They had less than a week left in the trip now, and Janus was finding himself not looking forward to the end.  Despite how pointless this obviously was, and that Patton definitely hadn’t convinced him of anything, well.  The spontaneous road trip was a nice break from reality, and he’d admit, rather enjoyable sometimes.

Patton showed up back at the table with two drinks called “The REM,” which was apparently a house special, and two apple turnovers.

Janus took the drinks as Patton set the pastries down, then picked up his own drink.  It just looked like a black coffee, but as he took a sip, he instead tasted caramel and chocolate.

His enjoyment must have been clear, because Patton started beaming.

“I take it I picked well, then?” he asked.

“Oh not in the slightest, I despise caramel,” Janus said, with a smile at Patton so he could be sure he knew he was joking.

Patton grinned and took a sip of his own.  “I prefer french vanilla myself, if I’m being honest,” he said.  “But I thought it could be fun to get the same drink.”  He held his drink out to Janus, who clinked his own mug against his, and then they both took another drink.

“The turnovers are to die for too,” Patton said as he picked one of them up.  “The apples are my favorite.”

Janus picked one up and took a bite, and hummed in agreement.  “I can understand why.”

“So,” Patton said, and Janus glanced up at him.  “The point of today and yesterday is community.”

“Oh?” Janus said, raising an eyebrow.

“These places we’ve gone to are relatively cheap, so there’s fewer barriers.  And they’re also places humans have created to find communities that they fit in.  A specific group we both care about, in this case, but it’s something all humans do.  We seek each other out, because we recognize that we’re important.”

“Or they’re just trying to find places to compartmentalize themselves because humans feel more comfortable with people like them,” Janus said, taking another bite of his apple turnover.

“Do you honestly think that’s the main reason?” Patton asked, crossing his arms.

“Absolutely,” Janus lied.

Patton didn’t look like he believed him, but he let it go, and they both went back to their food and drinks.

“Tomorrow we’re going to a local park in Tennessee,” Patton said.  “It’s a little bit further, about six hours away, so we’ll look at it tomorrow and then camp there to have a day off, since we’ve been getting worn out lately.  There’s a park called Rock Island Park that has some really beautiful waterfalls.”

“We’re back to nature, then,” Janus said.  He didn’t particularly mind the idea.

“That’s the plan,” Patton said with a smile.  “It’s really popular, so just prepare yourself for that.”

“Well, I don’t know how I’ll manage.  The other stops like the Grand Canyon just had no one there at all.”

Patton chuckled.  “Fair enough.  We’ll be camping there for a day before we stop in Atlanta Georgia.”

“What’s in Atlanta?” Janus asked, raising an eyebrow.

“That depends on how Rock Island Park goes,” Patton said with a mischievous smile.  “A lot of this has been rather on the fly, you know.”

“I figured,” Janus said with a shrug.  “Do keep in mind you’ve got six days left.”

“I’m aware,” Patton said, but he didn’t seem worried.  Janus couldn’t imagine why.  Nothing he’d done so far had worked in the slightest, obviously.

But Patton just smiled at him like he wasn’t at all bothered.  “You want to go look at some waterfalls with me, Janus?”

Janus managed to keep the smile off his face, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Patton saw it in his eyes.  “If I must.”

…

Traffic was light, so it didn’t take much longer than planned to actually get to the park, and Patton was singing most of the way, which felt like it made it go faster this time for some reason.  He wasn’t lying about the park being very popular, though, meaning it took a little time to get in and find a spot to park.

From the second they climbed out of the car there were quite a few people around, which wasn’t surprising.  What Janus didn’t understand was how Patton still managed to make it feel like the world only included the two of them.  But they spent the day looking at the waterfalls and hiking around the park, and though there were always quite a few other people there, Janus never really found them worth more attention than Patton.  Patton was just… more important than them, obviously.  That made sense, Janus didn’t know any of them, of course he wasn’t going to pay them any attention.  And he paid attention to the nature they were there for too, obviously.  Patton was just… very often in his field of vision.

Well maybe he didn’t understand it either.

They set up the tent closer to dark, and though the stargazing wasn’t quite as good as it had been in Zion, it was still breathtaking.  But more often, Janus found his gaze drifting over to Patton, in a way that was starting to become very annoying.

Of course Patton was bound to notice eventually.  Janus was surprised it hadn’t been sooner, honestly.  But it was while they were stargazing that he finally turned and saw Janus staring at him.

“What is it?” Patton asked, narrowing his eyes slightly in concern.  “Are you alright?”

“Oh, just,” Janus quickly turned his gaze back to the stars.  “Admiring the view.”

“Oh,” Patton said, sounding a little confused.  “Okay.  Yeah, it’s great, isn’t it?”

You are, whispered a tiny voice in Janus’ head, that he promptly beat back with a broom.

“I think I’m going to go to bed,” Janus said, trying to shake himself out of whatever this was.  “I’m pretty tired.”

“Okay,” Patton said, giving him a smile.  “Remember, we’re not leaving until the day after tomorrow, so feel free to sleep as long as you want.”

“Trust me, I will,” Janus said, because he really was rather exhausted, and a long sleep sounded like exactly what he needed.  He headed back for the tent and curled up in his sleeping bag.

He thought Patton would be joining him before very long, but surprisingly, he didn’t show up for long enough that he fell asleep.  However, annoyingly, his exhaustion wasn’t enough to stop him from waking up in the middle of the night.

He laid there for a while before sighing and rolling over, trying to bury his head back in his pillow, but something wasn’t letting him fall back asleep.

He glanced over towards where Patton was, and then realized what it was, because Patton wasn’t there.

Janus sat up and scrambled his way out of his sleeping bag, then moved quickly forward to unzip the front of the tent.

His nerves calmed the second he opened it and saw Patton right outside, leaning against a tree and looking up at the stars.

“Patton?” he asked, and Patton jumped and looked over at him.  “What are you doing out here?”

“Oh sorry Jan,” Patton said, wiping at his eyes and trying to cover it up with a smile.  “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Are you alright?”

“Just a bad dream,” Patton said, wiping his eyes again.  “I’ll be okay.”

“You don’t look okay,” Janus said, moving over to sit next to him.  “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I’m fine,” Patton said, waving the question off.  “I’m used to this nightmare.”  He sniffed and leaned his head back against the tree.

“Clearly,” Janus said, raising an eyebrow.  “What’s wrong?”

“No, I— it’s just—” Patton took a shaky breath.  Janus could tell he needed a moment, so he didn’t push again.

Patton leaned up and pressed his hands together over the bridge of his nose.  He looked warily over at Janus, like he thought Janus was going to change his mind after he started talking.

“I have a friend,” Patton said finally, “who tried to kill himself once.”

Nevermind.  Janus couldn’t do this.

He steeled himself and nodded.  “Okay.”

“Nevermind,” Patton said, seeming to have picked up on his immediate nerves.  “We won’t talk about it.”

Janus took a minute to push past his immediate gut reaction and actually try and judge his emotional state.  It had been a long time.  He’d probably have to talk about something similar with someone eventually.  And it was probably easier to fix someone else’s issues.

“No, it’s okay,” he said, looking back over at Patton.  “Go ahead.”

Patton took another moment to look at him.  He seemed to be satisfied with what he saw, because he pulled his legs up, rested his chin on them, and sighed.

“I didn’t know him when it happened,” he said.  “I met him afterwards. I helped with a lot of the aftermath.  I just… every now and then I get nightmares that he actually… that I never got to meet him.  He’s important to me.  He’s important to people who are important to me.”

Janus nodded.  “I can understand that,” he said.  “But you know, there was quite literally nothing you could have done.”  He looked down.  “That would have fallen on the people who knew him before.”

“They did absolutely everything they could,” Patton said, so firmly it surprised Janus a little.  But he glanced over to see just as firm a look on Patton’s face.

“You have to tell people when you’re hurting that badly,” he said.  “You have to let them help you.  He… he didn’t do that.  He didn’t let them help.”

Janus squeezed his eyes shut.  “Because letting people help is always so easy,” he said.  Then he winced.  “Sorry.  That wasn’t helpful.”

“I didn’t say it was easy,” Patton said softly.  “But it is important.”

Janus took a breath and tried to move on.  “Are you talking to someone about your nightmares?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Patton wince.  “I don’t want him to start hyperfocusing on that time of his life,” he said.  “He’s made so much progress, I don’t want to jeopardize that.”

“That’s understandable, but I didn’t ask if you were talking to him about them,” Janus said, giving Patton a look.  “I asked if you were talking to someone.”

Patton didn’t say anything.

“You should,” Janus said.

“I know,” Patton whispered.

“Hey,” Janus said.  “I won’t think any less of you if you admit to needing help on this.”

Patton didn’t quite look reassured, so before he could think about it too much, Janus reached out and wrapped him in a hug.  He’d blame it on the exhaustion tomorrow.

Patton turned and buried his head in Janus’ chest and took a couple deep breaths.  Janus rubbed his back and held him close.

“I’m okay,” Patton mumbled into his shirt.

“You’re not,” Janus replied.  “But that’s okay.”

Patton didn’t say anything.  They’d go back to the tent eventually, but for a while, they both just sat there.

…

Janus woke to a feeling of dread in his chest and a realization that he was getting dangerously close to a line he didn’t want to cross.

He’d promised himself he would never care about anyone again, and caring for Patton was an even worse idea.  Patton was too warm, too good.  Janus would inevitably end up disappointing him, and then he’d just—

Janus rolled over in his sleeping bag so his back was facing Patton.  He was being stupid.  He didn’t care about Patton.  What was there to care about?  The man was stupid, and naïve, and irritated Janus to a degree that would be a nightmare to deal with on a regular basis.  Last night was just him being tired.  That was all it was.

Janus threw his sleeping bag back and got dressed as quietly as he could, making sure not to wake Patton.  He headed to the front of the tent and undid the zipper just as quietly, heading out to sit as far away from last night’s tree as possible.  He realized as soon as he sat down that he’d left anything that could entertain him in the tent, but he wasn’t going to go back for it now.  Not when he’d have to deal with Patton, someone he despised.  Someone he definitely couldn’t stand.

Janus pulled in a shaky breath, and then another, less shaky breath, and then another.  He could do this.  There were four days left until the end of the two-week bet, and after Patton inevitably failed to convince him that there was good in humanity, he’d never have to see him again.

And all he had to do until then was be cold, distant and rude, enough to get Patton to stop trying.  That was easy enough, he was excellent at driving people away by being himself.

By the time Patton came out of the tent, Janus had been over leaning on the car for a while.

“Well?” he snapped.  “Are you coming or not?”

“Geez, Jan, what’s got you in a rush this morning?” Patton said, giving him a look.  “We’ve got to pack our day bags and put the tent away first.”

“I want to go get breakfast,” Janus said, giving Patton a look that hopefully conveyed this was the most inconvenienced he’d ever been by anything in his entire life.  “Can we hurry this along?”

“Alright, alright,” Patton said.  “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.”

Janus ignored the twinge of regret in his chest and leaned back against the car again, looking away.

“You know, it’ll go a lot faster if you help,” Patton said, raising an eyebrow.

Janus sighed in very plain annoyance, but he headed over to the tent to help Patton get everything together.

It did, of course, go faster with the two of them working together, and about half an hour later they had all their stuff for the day in their car and were on their way to get breakfast.

They went to a Denny’s, and Janus got strawberry pancakes that were vastly inferior to Thomas’ pancakes, which was quite easy to incorporate into his bad mood.

Patton was picking up on something being wrong about that time, and it didn’t take long for him to bring it up.

“Are you alright, Janus?” he asked, giving him a concerned look.  “Did you sleep well after we went back to sleep last night?”

“I slept fine,” Janus said coolly.  “I’m just ready to get out of here.  What other pointless thing are we doing?”

“I’m not sure, actually,” Patton said, though he didn’t look like he’d bought Janus’ statement.  “I thought maybe we’d go to Atlanta and see what’s there first.”

“What, run out of ways to convince me?” Janus asked.

“Oh, that’s impossible,” Patton said.  “I’m just not sure what we should do yet.  You know, we could just go to enjoy ourselves if you want to admit right now that I have a point.”  He gave Janus a knowing smile.

“Oh, please,” Janus said, rolling his eyes.  “A point about there being good in humanity?  Humans are rude, unpleasant, and inherently selfish.”

Patton gave Janus a deadpan look.  “Janus, we’re in the middle of a two week impromptu vacation I took with you, someone I barely knew, because I thought you needed some help.”

Janus floundered with that for a minute.  “Uh… no, we’re doing this because you want me to meet your friend.  That’s totally different.  Still a very selfish reason.”

Patton didn’t seem particularly moved by that statement.

“Besides, the fact that you specifically aren’t selfish doesn’t mean that humanity as a whole isn’t inherently selfish,” Janus said, looking away.

“That’s exactly what it means,” Patton said plainly.  “Anyone and everyone can be living proof that selflessness exists.  How neat is that?”

“Oh please,” Janus said.  “That’s not how it works.  You can’t just change human nature all by yourself.”

“You don’t do it all by yourself,” Patton said.  “You make friends.  You form connections and relationships.  You get help from other people.  We help other people because we care about them.  We try because we care about people.  That’s how you change things.”

Janus scoffed and looked down at his hands.  “No one wants any kind of relationship with me,” he said.  It came out more bitter than he’d really intended.

“I do,” Patton said, and Janus’ breath caught.

He looked very firmly down at his half finished pancakes, then pushed his chair back from the table and stood up.  “I’m going to the car.”

“Are you alright?” Patton asked, sounding concerned.

“I’m going to the car.”

Janus turned around and walked to the car before Patton could say anything else.  It was a good half hour before Patton showed up again, and he handed Janus a go box with the inferior strawberry pancakes in it.

“I know what we’re doing in Atlanta now,” he said.

“Oh?”

“Yep,” Patton said.  “We just have to be there by dinnertime.”

“Sounds like you can drive the whole way then,” Janus said, leaning against the window and closing his eyes.

Patton didn’t say anything for a long moment, and then the car started, so Janus figured he wasn’t going to.

But then he felt a hand on his shoulder.  “I’d love to go on knowing you, Janus,” Patton said quietly.  “I would love to form a friendship with you.”

Janus said nothing.  Hopefully Patton would think he was asleep.

…

They ended up serving dinner at a soup kitchen, which didn’t feel out of left field, but was a far cry different from the more enjoyable activities they’d done so far.  Yet somehow, Patton still seemed to be having the time of his life.

Janus had never actually asked him what he did for a living, but this made him suspect it was something involving social work, because Patton got a genuine smile on his face when he started helping people.

They were serving roast beef sandwiches that night, with a side of mashed potatoes.  Patton was put in charge of handing out the mashed potatoes, and Janus got to give people a small cup of pudding for dessert if they wanted it.  None of the food looked like the best meal ever made, but it was food, and everyone here seemed grateful to get any.

Janus understood Patton’s motive in bringing them here.  Proving that there were humans who helped just because they could.  Everyone here had volunteered, none of them were getting paid for this.

That didn’t mean Janus was going to concede the point.  He could understand the argument that some humans were doing their best to be selfless and giving, whether the trait was inherent or not.

But while Patton may be selfless, Janus most certainly was not, and he was not going to enjoy his time here feeding a bunch of people he didn’t know.

…He was going to watch Patton enjoying it instead.

“Enjoy!” he said with a beaming smile at the man he’d just given a scoop of potatoes to.

The man smiled back.  “Thank you, I think I will.  Mashed potatoes are my favorite.”

“You picked an excellent favorite,” Patton said.  “We helped make it earlier, it’s delicious.”

“I look forward to it then,” the man said happily, turning to look at Janus.  “Can I have a pudding cup please?”

Janus didn’t say anything, just handed one to him, but he smiled at him anyway before going to find a table to sit down at.

By the time he turned back around, Patton had already turned to the next person in line with just as bright of a smile, and Janus shook his head slightly and wondered how he did it.

He’d disagreed with most of Patton’s perspective throughout the trip, but he’d at least understood it.  But how could anyone actually enjoy helping people as much as Patton seemed to?

Patton seemed to pick up on what he was feeling, and during a break between people, he turned to face Janus.

“I like to make people happy,” he said.  “I like to see them smile.  You’ve known people you like to see smile, right?”

Janus looked at Patton’s bright gaze, and swallowed.  He nodded.

“It’s like that,” Patton said.  “I like putting more good into the world.  “Making other people happy makes me happy.”

The line started moving again after that, and Janus couldn’t ask the question that came to mind, as the next person walked up.

“Mashed potatoes?” they said, smiling widely at Patton.  “Oh, that looks delicious.  Can I have a second helping?”

“Sorry,” Patton said, smiling apologetically.  “We have to make sure everyone gets a first helping.  But if there’s some left over after the last person I will put some aside for you.”

“Oh, I appreciate that!” the person said, beaming at Patton.  “Thank you!”

“Sure thing,” Patton said with a bright smile.

Janus handed them a pudding cup again without saying anything, and again the person smiled at him anyway before heading towards a table.  Patton rubbing off on everyone, he supposed.

Maybe there was something to that whole putting good into the world idea.

There was another break in the line a second later, and Janus turned to Patton.

“Is that why you did all this?” Janus asked, despite himself.  “Because you wanted to try and…” he paused and took a second to switch gears.  He still had a reputation to uphold after all.  “…force happiness on me?”

“Let’s go with I wanted to help you try and find happiness yourself,” Patton said, raising an eyebrow at him.  “But yes, that was part of it.”

Janus gave him a suspicious look.  “What was the other part?”

But before Patton could answer, the line picked up again.

They went through the rest of the line again before Janus could get back to Patton with his question, and immediately after they finished Patton scooped some mashed potatoes into a bowl and headed for the person who’d asked for a second helping.

Janus stayed behind the counter, but the person had sat near the line, meaning Janus could see them as Patton arrived and started talking.  Patton was beaming the whole time, and the person was very thankful, and then they said something else.  That something else made Patton throw his head back and laugh, easy and bright, and Janus’ chest got very warm.

Then Patton turned and smiled back at him, and as he did, his eyes somehow seemed to brighten even more.

Then, as he started back over, his smile turned knowing, as if saying ‘See?’

Oh.

Fuck.

He did.

Patton.  Damn him.

He didn’t think Patton was right.  He didn’t think humanity was good, or selfless.  He still thought they were cruel and selfish and uncaring.  He still thought life was awful and unfair and generally shitty.  He still didn’t see a reason to try.  He didn’t see what Patton did, he didn’t see any reason to have faith in humans, he didn’t see a reason to hope.

But Patton made him want to keep looking.

Maybe that was what trying was.

Janus took a shaky, terrified breath.  He couldn’t try, not again.  He couldn’t lose everything a second time.  He couldn’t do it.  Was he actually considering risking the pain of losing someone else?

“Janus?”

Janus jerked his head upright.  Patton was standing right in front of him, looking incredibly worried.

“Janus, are you alright?”

“I, um.  I have to go,” Janus said.  “I don’t— I’m not— not feeling well.”

“Oh no,” Patton said.  “Here, let me let the people in charge know, I’ll drive you back—”

“No,” Janus said instantly.  “I’ll wait in the car.  You finish here.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.  Give me the keys.”

Janus stuck his hand out, and Patton put the keys in them.  “Okay.  I shouldn’t be too much longer, okay?”

Janus nodded, already heading out from behind the counter and towards the door.

He climbed into the passenger seat, slammed and locked the doors shut behind him, and dropped his head on the dashboard.

He could not do this.  He could not do this.  He didn’t have it in him, not again.

He had to get out of here.  He couldn’t wait until the bet was over, he had to leave.  Right now.

Janus took a shaky breath and started looking around the car.

He couldn’t just go.  Patton would stop him, or find him again, or something.  Patton had to want him to leave.

Janus looked around the car.  He wasn’t really sure what he was looking for.  It’s not like he’d find anything in here that would help him ruin his relationship with Patton.  He couldn’t think of anything that would do that.  He’d been an asshole, intentionally, to Patton when they’d first met, and that hadn’t stopped him.  He’d attacked his beliefs and his principles countless times, and that hadn’t stopped him.  The man never gave up, Janus felt like it was safe to say that at this point.  But there had to be something that would make him snap.

Janus bent his neck to keep looking around the car, towards the backseat.

Patton cared deeply about everyone he loved.  He greatly disliked them being hurt.  For some reason, Janus had become one of those people, but Patton hadn’t known him for very long.  Maybe if Janus hurt someone else he cared about?

Thomas would probably do the trick, but Janus couldn’t bear the thought of losing his strawberry pancakes, so that ruled out him and Roman.  Honestly, hurting Logan would probably do it, but that might in turn anger Thomas and Roman, and thus lose him the strawberry pancakes.

Janus leaned back into the front seat and started looking in the car door pockets.  Remy was the only other person they’d met that Patton knew, but he didn’t seem close enough to Patton for Patton to cut Janus out of his life if he hurt him.  Patton would probably talk to him instead.  But who else was there?  He’d run out of options.

Janus opened the glove compartment.  An unfinished letter of Patton’s was sitting there in plain sight.  The tagline was there for anyone to see.  It read “Dear Virgil.”

Well.

That solved that problem.

…

Janus was leaning on the car when Patton came out, and he seemed surprised to see him that way.

“Janus,” he said, stopping in front of him.  “Are you feeling better?”

“I’m leaving,” Janus said.

Patton blinked, seeming confused.  “What?”

“I’m leaving,” Janus said.  “I’m getting a bus back home.”

Patton crossed his arms, though he looked more confused than irritated.  “The bet isn’t over yet.”

“You didn’t tell me,” Janus said, shoving the letter he was holding at Patton.  “That your friend was Virgil.”

Patton took the letter, but he didn’t look at it at all.  “You never asked his name,” he said.

“I’m leaving,” Janus said.

“The bet isn’t over.”

“You’ll want it to be.”

Patton crossed his arms.  “Why’s that?”

“Your friend,” Janus said.  “The one who tried to kill himself.  That was Remus, right?” he gestured at the letter again.  “Remus is Virgil’s little brother.  I was there when that happened.  We were all very close friends beforehand.  I remember getting that call, and driving Virgil to the hospital.  I remember sitting up with him all night.  It was exhausting.  I decided none of that seemed particularly worth it.  So after two weeks, I left them both.  I haven’t spoken to them since.”

He waited for Patton to stare at him in shock, and then disgust, and then anger.  Then he’d let Janus leave, and Janus would get a bus back home and he could put this whole thing behind him and go back to being alone and miserable, the way he liked it.

But Patton didn’t do any of those things.  Instead, he crossed his arms, smiling sadly.  “Janus,” he said softly.  “I already knew all of that.”

Janus’ breath lodged in his throat.  “What?”

“Janus, who do you think the friend I’m taking you to meet is?” Patton asked.  “You didn’t put that together from the letter?”

Janus stared at him.  “No, but that’s— that’s impossible.  They— they don’t want to see me.  They don’t care anymore.  They can’t.”

“Remus misses you,” Patton said.

Janus brushed past the painful ache of that idea with a scoff.  “Virgil’s furious.”

Patton gave a short laugh.  “Of course he is, he’s Virgil,” he said.  “But he still wants to see you.  That counts for something.”

“Does it really?”

“Yes, it does.”

Yes, it did.

“But that’s impossible,” Janus said.  “I didn’t— I left them.”

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why did you leave?”

“I— I told you.  Because I decided it didn’t seem worth it.”

“Bullshit.”

Janus jerked upright in shock.

“That’s not true, Janus,” Patton insisted.

“How do you know?” Janus asked weakly.

Patton moved forward and stopped right in front of Janus.  He reached out and brushed against something on his cheek.  “Because you’re crying.”

Oh.

How pathetic was that.

Janus looked down and scrubbed at his eyes.

“Six years… that’s when you left, right?” Patton asked, and Janus dragged his gaze back up to meet his eyes.

“That’s the time Virgil said, when he told me about you.  That’s also around the time you said your mother died, isn’t it?”

Janus looked away.

“Was that before, or after Remus’ attempt?”

“After,” Janus croaked.  “Two days after.”

Patton hummed sympathetically, and somehow Janus didn’t doubt the real pain he heard in it, that Patton was sharing the hurt with him, at least right now.

“And you didn’t tell them,” Patton murmured, reaching up to wipe at his cheek again.

“Of course I didn’t tell them,” Janus snapped.  “As if they needed more on their plate right then.”

“Janus,” Patton whispered.  “You did all three of you a disservice.  You needed the help, and they would have wanted to help you.”

“They wouldn’t have had it in them,” Janus hissed.  “I was helping them.”

Patton gave him a firm look.  “Do you know how much harder it was for both of them to get back on their feet because they had to recover from losing you too?”

Janus looked down at his feet to hide the shame that was welling up.  But Patton, of course, just reached out and nudged his chin up again.

“Janus,” he whispered.  “If you keep trying to push people away, it’s going to keep working.”

“I don’t need anyone.”

“Janus,” Patton said, in a tone that said ‘Come on now.’

“I— I’m fine.”

“You’re not.  You haven’t been for a very long time.”

Janus’ legs were shaking, and he was pretty sure he was going to collapse in a second.

“Hey,” Patton said, moving forward.  “Hey, come here.”

He wrapped his arms around Janus, and pulled them both down onto the ground, and Janus buried his head in Patton’s shirt and cried.

He wouldn’t have exactly picked a soup kitchen parking lot as his desired place to have this breakdown, but honestly, there had never been a chance this breakdown would happen when he was ready for it.  He’d been putting it off too long for that.

As a result, he sat there crying in Patton’s arms for the better part of an hour, and Patton, angel that he was, didn’t complain once, just ran his hands through Janus’ hair and politely shooed away anyone who approached.

Finally, finally, Janus managed to stop crying, though he was still leaning heavily against Patton’s chest.

“You want to go back to the hotel now?” Patton murmured, still running his hands through Janus’ hair.

Janus nodded.  “I— I’m sorry I—”

“Hush.  You don’t need to apologize.  I was fully aware we were going to be there for a while when the conversation started.”

So Patton helped Janus stand, and get in the car, and when they got there he helped him back to the room, and then they both curled up in a bed together without changing out of anything or getting anything ready for the following day.  They fell asleep pretty quickly with how exhausting the day had turned out to be.

The next morning when Janus woke up, he still didn’t want to move.

Patton was already awake, and looking at him.  He smiled slightly when they met eyes.

“Good morning Janus,” he said quietly.  “Feeling any better?”

“Relative to?” Janus said.  His voice sounded absolutely wrecked.

“Fair enough,” Patton said.  “Do you want to stay here for a couple more days?  We’re not meeting Remus and Virgil until the end of the bet, and there’s three days left in that.”

“How,” Janus whispered.  “Am I possibly supposed to face them?”

“With hope that things will work out,” Patton said, leaning forward to press his forehead against Janus.’  “And with me.”

…

A restaurant, it had been universally decided, was a horrible idea.  There would be screaming in this conversation, and there would be anger, and there would be plenty of things that were not suited for public spaces.

They ended up meeting at Patton’s house, which was exactly as pastel colored and cheerful as Janus expected for the place where Patton lived.

They got there before Virgil and Remus, thankfully, as if Janus had been forced to jump right in the conversation would not have gone well.  But instead, he sat down on Patton’s bright pastel blue couch and they both watched an episode of Parks and Recreation to get their mind off what was about to happen.  Patton had said he’d be there as emotional support, but that he was going to leave most of the talking up to them, which was probably what should happen, honestly.

That didn’t mean Janus had much of an idea what to expect, not after six years.  He expected Virgil to be furious, but he had no idea what that would look like.  Would it be screaming and insults and everything else included in Virgil’s typical fire, or had it passed into a cold hatred that Virgil would treat as an unchangeable fact?  Which would be worse?  What did it mean that Remus missed him?  Was he still angry?  Janus wouldn’t blame him if he was.  How was he supposed to approach them?  Was he supposed to apologize immediately, or would that just piss them off for some reason?

Janus hadn’t figured out even the beginning of a game plan by the time he heard the front door open and a very familiar voice call from the living room, “Patton, we’re here!”

Janus’ instincts seemed to push him into action before his brain could begin to try, and before he realized what was happening, he was crouched behind the couch and Patton was staring at him.

“Janus?”

“Just tell them I’m not here,” Janus said, ducking his head down further.

Patton looked very done in the next second.  “Janus, stand up.”

“Who’s she?  Never heard of her.”

“Get your b-hole back up here and sit down on this couch with me.”

“Nope.  Not gonna do it.  Terrible idea.”

“Do it or they’re going to walk in here to find you crouching down behind the couch,” Patton said, crossing his arms.

Janus cursed whatever foolish part of him had first decided to start trusting Patton, but he pushed himself upright into a standing position just as two people he never thought he’d see again walked through the archway and into the living room.

Virgil’s hair was shorter.  Back when Janus had seen him last, he’d been too stressed for too long to have time to think about getting it cut.  Honestly, the first thing that caught his attention probably should have been the fact that it was dyed purple, but Janus was honed in on the length.  He’d been worried about Virgil back then.  He hadn’t been taking care of himself.  Hopefully the short hair meant he was better at that now.

He tried to read Virgil’s face, but it seemed intentionally blank, like he was doing his best to hide whatever he was thinking.  Janus could only hope his face looked similar enough.

On the other hand, someone who had never bothered to hide his expressions was Remus, though Janus still wasn’t convinced he wasn’t interpreting his look wrong.  Overall, though, Remus looked much better too.  He wasn’t so skinny, and there weren’t bags under his eyes, and he looked… generally happier, though Janus couldn’t name any specific thing that made that seem like the case.  Well, other than his expression, because the second he saw Janus he started grinning.

“Janny!” he said.  “You actually came!”

Janus winced, and tried to cover it with a weak smile.  “Hi, Remus.”

Remus seemed to take that as all the permission he needed, because he ran over to the couch, clambered over the top of it, and threw himself on top of Janus, knocking them both onto the floor.

Janus blinked, trying to process what exactly had just happened.  Before he could, though, Remus shifted again and pulled Janus up and into a hug.

“I missed you,” he said.

Janus tensed, and instantly regretted it, because he may not know how he wanted to handle this conversation, but he did know that he didn’t want Remus or Virgil to think for a second that he was the slightest bit unhappy to see them.

So, for Remus’ sake, Janus pushed aside his pride and wrapped his arms around him.  “I missed you too,” he murmured.

Remus squeezed him tighter and didn’t reply.

Eventually, he pulled back and offered a hand out to Janus, who took it to pull himself up.  “Patton said he was going to try and help you,” Remus said as he did.  “He said he thought you were hurting.  Are you okay?”

“I’m fine” was on the tip of Janus’ tongue before he saw Patton looking at him with crossed arms from the other side of the couch.

He sighed.  “Not really,” he admitted, looking away from Remus.

Remus made a concerned noise and pulled Janus into a hug again.  “Can I help?” he asked, which just about did it for Janus.

“Why would you want to do that?” he asked, wrenching himself from Remus’ grip.

“That’s a damn good question,” Virgil grumbled, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at Janus.  Which was fair, but still didn’t make Janus feel exactly comfortable.

“Hey,” Remus said, turning and shooting a glare at Virgil, for some reason.  “You said you wouldn’t be a dick.”

“No, you said ‘Virgil, please don’t be a dick,’ and I grunted in annoyance.”

“We both know that was an agreement grunt.”

“There’s no such thing as an agreement grunt.”

“Yes, there is.  If you grunt and it goes down in tone at the end, that’s disagreement or annoyance.  You’re grunt went slightly upwards in tone at the end, which is how you signify agreement.  Honestly Virgil, you talk like I haven’t had decades to work out how you use your annoyed noises as a communicative language.”

“Since when did you start doing that?  I don’t even know what I mean most of the time!”

Patton gave Janus a fond smile, that Janus was fighting very hard to keep off his own face.  He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed Remus and Virgil’s bickering, of all things.

“Fine,” Remus said, drawing Janus’ attention back to the actual conversation.  “Now I’m not asking.  Virgil, stop being a dick.”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Janus said.  “He doesn’t have to be the picture of politeness.  I wouldn’t really expect that in any situation.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Virgil snapped, turning a glare on Janus.

Janus winced again.  “I don’t know,” he admitted.  “Just that you’re Virgil, I suppose, and your strengths don’t lie in politeness?  Which is fine.”

“I know it’s fine, I don’t need you to tell me it’s fine.”

“Virgil,” Remus said, crossing his arms.

Virgil glared back at him in part anger and part disbelief, and it seemed his very small threshold for things he could take had been crossed, because he threw his hands up and stormed off towards the hallway.

The other three people in the room were silent for a minute, and then Remus turned again to face Janus and Patton.  “So.  How was your trip then?  Did you think about pushing someone off the edge of the Grand Canyon too?”

Janus snorted.  “No, but if I ever go back, I’ll think about it just for you.”

“I’m so moved,” Remus said, wiping a fake tear from his eye.

“We had a time,” Patton said, joining the conversation as they all moved to sit down on the couch.  “There was good, and bad, and in-between.”

“That’s an accurate description,” Janus said with a small smile.

“Yeah?” Remus said, his own smile fading a little bit.  “Seriously, though, are you okay?”

“Are you?” Janus asked, partly deflecting and partly actually wanting to hear.  “You seem… better.”

“I… I feel better,” Remus said, rubbing the back of his neck.  “You know, it’s not like all the thoughts suddenly vanished, but… they’re quieter?  I don’t know.”  He smiled slightly lopsidedly at Janus.  “I recommend therapy.”

Janus gave a short laugh.  “Yeah, you bet.”

“I’m not joking, Janus,” Remus said, and Janus glanced up at him to see a sudden serious look on his face.

“I… I don’t know,” Janus muttered.  “I’m fine.”  He turned around, only to be met with Patton giving him one of his no-nonsense looks that Janus was somehow never expecting.

“What?” Janus asked, narrowing his eyes at him.  “You expect me to be willing to spill all of my problems to some stranger right away?”

“Of course not,” Patton said softly.  “But it’s not a bad thing to consider.”

“I don’t need to be fixed,” Janus hissed.

“That’s not what therapy is, Jan,” Remus said.  “But we also don’t have to talk about it right now.  We can just catch up.”

Janus turned to stare at him again.  “You… you don’t want an explanation?  Or an apology?”

Remus shrugged.  “It would be nice.  But you’re here.  And you clearly feel like shit about it.”

“That’s not— Remus,” Janus said, because he was pretty sure he knew what Remus was doing.  “Stop it.”

As he’d suspected, something in Remus’ face shifted.  “Or you’ll what?” he said quietly, looking down with the slight shake to his voice that was almost always imperceptible, but meant that he was scared.

“Or I’ll nothing.  But you don’t have to pretend that you’re not upset, Remus.”

“But why are you here?” Remus asked, looking up at him.  “And why now?  I don’t want to— I don’t know.”  He looked down again.  “Drive you away again.”

“Remus,” Janus said, his chest aching.  “You didn’t.  It wasn’t ever you.  I didn’t… I just didn’t handle any of it well.  It wasn’t your fault.”

“But I was what you had to handle,” Remus said, squeezing his hands into fists around his shorts.  “That was me.”

Janus took a shaky breath, reached out and squeezed Remus’ hand.  “Even if it was, that wouldn’t make it your fault,” he said.  “But also, that’s… not entirely true, Re.”

Remus turned to look at him, seeming a little confused.  “What do you mean?”

Janus sighed.  “Re, I don’t know if it was just the universe’s cruel timing, but a couple days after… what happened with you, Mom died in a car crash.  And I decided not to tell either of you, because I was being an idiot.  But I couldn’t handle that much all at once on my own, so I just… I just decided not to.  I… I’m so sorry, Re.”

Remus looked at Janus for a minute, seeming caught between disbelief and confusion.  “Wait… what do you mean your mom’s dead?”

“I… I don’t know how to explain it other than that,” Janus said hesitantly.

Remus’ eyes widened slightly.  “Janus,” he whispered, and before Janus could say anything in response, Remus reached over and pulled him down into his arms.

Janus blinked quickly and buried his head in Remus’ shoulder, though he imagined the shirt would be wet later.

“Janus, you should have said something dummy,” Remus whispered.

“I know,” Janus whispered back.

“You should have said something, dummy, we would have—” Remus just shook his head and held Janus closer, and Janus pulled in a shaky breath and just sat there and let him.  He’d have to make plenty of time to hug Remus later, but he wasn’t sure he had the strength for it right now.

They both sat there for a while, not saying anything.  When they finally did pull back, Patton, angel that he was, was just sitting there scrolling through his phone with a pleasantly neutral expression on his face.  He did look over at them when they moved, though.

“You guys okay?” he said with a smile.

“Eh, you know,” Remus said with half of a shrug.

Patton gave a sad smile and reached out to squeeze Remus in a side hug.  “I’m glad you two got to talk,” he said.

“Yeah, thanks for dragging his ass back here,” Remus said with a lopsided grin.

“Hey,” Janus said, giving a slightly irritated look.

“Am I wrong?”

“No, but that’s not the point.”

Remus laughed a little, and ended with a grin towards Janus.  It faded a second later, and he looked down at his hands.  “I might, um, need some time?” he said quietly.  “Before things can be like— you know, like they were.”

“Obviously,” Janus said, crossing his arms and giving Remus a slightly concerned look.  “I might not have known what to expect, but I definitely didn’t expect us to jump right back into where things were.”

Remus gave him a slightly relieved smile.  “Okay,” he said.

“Hey,” Janus said, giving him another side hug.  “It’s really good to know you’re doing okay.  I’m happy for you.”

Remus smiled again.  “I’m happy for me too.  And I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Janus said with a small smile.

Remus’ gaze turned slightly mischievous, and Janus took a minute to regret any idea to ever talk to him again.

“You know,” Remus said, looking back towards the hallway.  “Virgil missed you too, no matter what he says.”

“Oh, I’m not touching that right now,” Janus muttered, looking away.

“Nuh-uh.  If you don’t touch it now you’ll just leave it to fester and you two won’t ever talk ever.  Go on.”

“What, Remus—”

“Go on,” Remus said, raising an eyebrow.

Janus tried looking to Patton for support, even though he didn’t really expect it to work.  And sure enough, Patton just gave him a deadpan look.

“He’s totally right, you know.”

Janus hissed, but pushed himself up from the couch anyway.  “Let the record state that I did not go into this willingly,” he said, glaring behind them both as he started for the hallway.

“The record isn’t gonna take your shit,” Remus said with a grin.

Janus hissed again and turned back around.

He didn’t know exactly where Virgil would want to go, but he thought he heard him stomping for a while before a door opened, so he tried the last one on the left first.  It opened on what looked like a guest room, and Virgil was pacing angrily back and forth across it.

The second he heard the door open he turned and saw Janus, which evidently did not help, if the way he started scowling was anything to go by.

“Get out,” he snapped.

“Can I talk to you?” Janus asked quietly.

“Why should I be interested in anything you have to say?” Virgil hissed.

“I’m trying to apologize?” Janus offered hesitantly.

Virgil scoffed, and crossed his arms.  “Good luck.”

“I really am,” Janus said, stepping forward.  “I am sorry.  I should have done everything differently.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Virgil snapped.  “You think I’m gonna be moved by you saying everything I know already?”

“Definitely not moved, no,” Janus said.  “I figured you might hear me out, though.”

“Why should I?  I don’t owe you that.  I don’t owe you shit.”

“Fair enough,” Janus admitted.  “How about something else, then?”

“Like what?”

“Like I let you interrogate me?” Janus offered with a shrug, moving to sit down on the bed and give Virgil an upper hand.

Virgil scowled, but he did seem to be considering the idea.  After a second, he walked over to stand right above Janus and crossed his arms.  “Why are you here now?” he spat.  “Why the suddenness of it all?  What changed your mind?”

“Well, it was sort of… Patton,” Janus admitted, rubbing the back of his neck, his face warming up.  “He’s just… I don’t know.  Good.”

For some reason, that did not seem to pacify Virgil in the slightest.

“Oh, great,” he said.  “So a lifelong friendship wasn’t enough to stop you from being such a piece of shit, but hey, I’m so glad a two-week old crush finally came along to kick you in the ass.”

Janus blinked, trying to recover from the slight stunning that had come with Virgil just saying what he’d been trying very hard to deny.  But he had also missed the point entirely, which was more important.

“Virgil, it wasn’t like that,” he said.  “I’m not here because I like Patton.”

“Then what the fuck was it, Janus?  If you’re not doing it for him, then why are you here?”

Janus stared at Virgil.  “I can’t be here for you and Remus?”

Virgil scoffed, and turned away.  “As if.”

“Well… tough, because that’s why.”

“Liar.  You said Patton convinced you.”

“Patton convinced me that it’s not a hopeless pursuit to search for good things,” Janus murmured, looking away.

“He took you on one of his hope-finding vacations, did he?”

Janus smiled in slight amusement.  “Yes.”

“It worked?”

Janus shrugged.  “More or less.  It wasn’t really him so much as… the way he views the world.  It’s… really something.”  Janus coughed awkwardly.  “And, you know.  I like his laugh.”

Virgil snorted.  They were both silent for a minute.

Finally, Virgil shifted and narrowed his eyes at Janus.  “Patton met us, Remus and I, a month after you left,” he said.  “He took us to the Grand Canyon, like he took you.  But he said he took us specifically because it seemed like we needed something to live for.  Why did he take you?”

Janus wasn’t sure anymore, honestly.  Patton knowing all along what had happened with Virgil and Remus had thrown a wrench into Janus’ perception of him.  Why would he offer to help Janus at all if he knew that Janus had so badly hurt two people he was close to?  The only thing Janus really had to go on was the first conversation he’d had with him.

…The conversation where Patton had said he’d reminded him of a close friend of his.

Janus swallowed, and looked up at Virgil.  “I think I reminded him of you,” he said softly.

Virgil’s face went blank, and he took a shaky breath.  “No.”

Janus blinked.  “No?”

“No, that’s not the reason,” Virgil said, shaking his head.  “Because when I met Patton I was a wreck.  And you’re fine.  You’re a dick who’s fine and left us because he’s a dick.  You didn’t leave because I didn’t notice something was wrong.  That’s not what happened.”

Janus stood up.  “Virgil,” he said.  “It’s not… that’s not a fair sentiment.”

“What happened, then?” Virgil snapped.  “What did I miss?”

“You didn’t miss anything.  I didn’t tell you.”

“What happened?”

Janus looked at Virgil for a moment, but Virgil was glaring too harshly to back down.

“Mom got in an accident,” he said quietly.  “Two days after Remus’ attempt.  She didn’t make it.”

Virgil let out a harsh breath and started pacing again.

“Virgil,” Janus said, moving towards him and reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder.

Virgil smacked his hand away.  “Don’t. Touch me.”

“I’m sorry,” Janus said, moving backwards.

“You could have talked to me you moron,” Virgil snapped, glaring at him.

“That’s been made very clear to me recently.”

“You asshole, you sat up with me all night, you think I wouldn’t have been willing to return the favor?”

“I’m sorry,” Janus said again.

Virgil moved over towards the wall across the room and leaned back against it.  “How did I just miss you going through something like that?” he asked weakly.

Janus stared at him.  “You might have had other things on your mind, Virgil,” he said.  “I needed to tell you.  That’s on me.  You can’t protect everyone you love all alone.”

Virgil glared up at him.  “That’s what you made me do you dick,” he hissed.  “You just— you just left.  Out of nowhere.  I was still terrified I was going to lose Remus, and then I had to lose you too.  Just everything all at once, do you have any idea what that’s like?”

Janus winced.  “Yes,” he said quietly.

Virgil gave a short bitter laugh.  Then he pressed his hands over his eyes and started crying.

Janus moved forward and wrapped his arms around Virgil, then pulled him close while still giving him plenty of time to pull away.

“I thought I was done with you,” Virgil cried, grabbing fistfuls of Janus’ yellow jacket, the very one he’d given him all those years ago.  “I thought at least you couldn’t hurt me anymore, you goddamn asshole.”

“I’m sorry,” Janus murmured.  “I’m sorry, Virgil.”

“No,” Virgil said.  “You don’t get to be sorry.  Hating you doesn’t work if you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” Janus said again, which was probably a bad idea, but he didn’t know what else to say.

Virgil pulled Janus in and buried his face in his shirt, and Janus reached around and started rubbing his back.

“Virgil,” he whispered.  “It’s really not your fault.”

Virgil made some kind of noise of protest.

“It isn’t.  Remus and I needed to tell you these things.  It would be completely unreasonable to blame you when you didn’t know what was going on or that we needed help.  Besides, even if blaming yourself would have helped something, it’s far too late for that to have any effect.  Please just stop it.”

Virgil snorted.  “Oh yeah, I’ll just do that,” he said weakly.

Janus sighed.  “Fair enough,” he murmured.

“I’m still fucking pissed off at you,” Virgil muttered after a second.

“Yeah, of course you are,” Janus said.  “Like I’m going to blame you for that.”

Virgil sighed and pulled his head up slightly.  His gaze landed on Janus’ jacket, and he ran his hand over the fabric for a minute.  “I can’t believe you kept this,” he said.

“Of course I kept it,” Janus said.  “It’s worth more than Patton’s house.”

Virgil snorted.  “Janus, I bought that thing at a second hand store for no other reason than it reminded me of you.”

“I know,” Janus said, smiling slightly.  “That’s why I kept it.”

Virgil smiled a little back.  “Moron.”  He smiled weakly at Janus.  “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Janus said.

Virgil pulled Janus in for another hug, and if they both melted into each other a little, well, they were also both too proud to admit it.

Janus wasn’t exactly surprised when Remus and Patton showed up a few minutes later, as they had been pretty quiet for a while.  They probably both would have jumped back immediately if not for the fact that Remus let out a happy noise and threw himself into the hug with them, and after a nod from Janus, Patton joined from the other side too, and they all ended up huddled together in the middle of the room.

“Hey,” Virgil said, nudging Janus with his foot so it was clearly directed at him.

“Hmm?”

“Leave again and I’ll murder you.”

Janus gave a huff of laughter.  “Oh, you’re not getting rid of me so easily a second time,” he said, as Remus squeezed him tighter too.  “You’re all stuck with me now.”

For a second, Janus could have sworn Virgil murmured, “Thank god.”

But no, he was definitely just hearing things.

…

One Year Later

…

“Patton, you’re going to make us late for your own trip,” Janus said, sticking his head into Patton’s room.

“You’re the one who wanted to stay the night,” Patton called, throwing another pair of socks into his suitcase.

“I don’t want to drive myself to the airport, I’ll waste valuable gas.”

“You already drove yourself here.  Just admit you like me,” Patton said grinning over his shoulder at him.

“Nope.  I’m dating you for your social status.”

“What social status?” Patton asked in bafflement.

“You provide me access to Thomas’ strawberry pancakes.”

Patton laughed.  “You know, I could understand that,” he said.  “Unfortunately, that doesn’t change the fact that you’re stuck here until I’m ready.  Or you could help, if you want it to go faster.”

“But that requires effort,” Janus groaned, even as he was already walking over to join Patton.

“Poor baby,” Patton said, patting Janus sympathetically on the head.  “How dare the world force you to overexert yourself?”

“At least we’re on the same page,” Janus sighed, handing Patton the final pair of socks he’d laid aside.  Patton put them in his suitcase and closed the top.

“Sit on it?” he asked Janus.

Janus flopped on top of the suitcase, with an added dramatic flair and a melodramatic sigh.  “I’m exhausted after all that hard work.”

“Yeah, laugh it up, we haven’t packed the food yet.”

“Will this packing session ever end?”

In all seriousness, Janus didn’t blame him.  Both him and Patton had been absolutely swamped with work this week, and Patton hadn’t been able to take yesterday off to pack like Janus had, instead having to wrap up working with the kid he’d been helping before they left.  And a week-long trip wasn’t anything that you could pack for quickly, so the hour this had taken so far was actually pretty good, all things considered.

It didn’t take quite as long to pack the food, as Patton had been setting it aside as he made dinner, so about half an hour later they were on their way to the airport, where they’d be meeting Remus and Virgil.  Roman, Thomas, and Logan were driving again, and had left a couple days ago.

“So,” Patton said, as they finally got in the car.  “Excited to see the Grand Canyon again?”

“I am, actually,” Janus admitted, putting the car in gear and pulling backwards out of the driveway.  “I’ll be glad to see it while I’m in a much better place than last year.”

“And I’m glad for that,” Patton said, leaning over and giving him a kiss on the cheek, which Janus may or may not have melted at slightly.  “I still wish Thomas and Roman and Logan would let me pay for a flight, though.”

“They don’t want to take advantage of you, darling,” Janus said.  “And it’s not like they’re struggling, they’ll be okay.”

“They’re not taking advantage of me, they’re my friends,” Patton said.  “I’m happy to do things for my friends.”

“You’re happy to do things for anyone,” Janus said, giving Patton a look as he came to a stop at a light that had just turned red.  “And they know you.”

“What’s so wrong with helping people?” Patton asked, though it sounded too lighthearted for him to actually be upset.

“Nothing, angel, except that most people are far more selfish than you and will take advantage of it.  I’d be one of them if I didn’t know you.”  He pulled away from the light as it turned green.

“I’m perfectly willing to get taken advantage of sometimes if it means most of the time I’m helping people who really need it,” Patton said.

“Oh?” Janus asked, recognizing Patton’s tone shift into philosophical debate mode.  “Where do you draw the line?  If 50% of people you help are taking advantage of you?  60%?”

“Drawing an actual line would make the helping of others conditional,” Patton said.  “I don’t want to decide whether or not someone actually deserves help.”

“And if you found out that nearly everyone you helped was taking advantage of your kindness?” Janus asked.  “What would you do then?”

Patton seemed to consider the question for a moment.  “I don’t know,” he said.  “I think I’d be hurt, honestly.  But I also think it would say more about them than it would about me.  I want people to know I’m someone they can come to if they need it.  That’s more important than making sure I’m never taken advantage of.”

“I disagree,” Janus said.  “It’s not necessarily just hurting you, though obviously you’re far more important.”

Janus saw Patton give a slightly amused smile out of the corner of his eye.

“But being taken advantage of, even if you’re not negatively affected, might take valuable resources away from those who actually need them, don’t you think?”

“Hmm.  Valid point,” Patton admitted.  “But no way of helping someone is a perfect system.  If I had to start interrogating people to determine whether or not they need help before I gave it, that wouldn’t make them feel very good, and it wouldn’t make me feel very good.  And that would negatively impact my mental health, which is also important, isn’t it?”

It was Janus’ turn to smile in slight amusement.  “Also a valid point,” he admitted.

That seemed like a fair place to leave it for now, so Janus turned to merge onto the highway and prepared to turn on some music for the rest of the trip.

Before he could, though, he saw Patton turn to face him again out of the corner of his eye, and he seemed to have a much more serious look on his face.

“Jan,” he said.  “Have you thought any more about what we talked about?”

“Ah, yes, I do think we should leave the catering to Roman and Thomas,” Janus said, keeping his gaze firmly on the road.  “It’s their wedding, and they already own a cake shop—”

“Janus,” Patton said.  “You know that’s not what I meant.”

Janus tightened his grip around the wheel and clenched his teeth.

“Janus,” Patton said gently.  “I think you really should consider the idea of talking to someone.  Plenty of people go to therapy.  I’ve gone to therapy.  You remember how much it helped to talk to someone about my nightmares about Remus?”

“That’s different,” Janus said.

“Oh?  How’s that?”

“Because you— I’m fine.  I’m better than I was.  You’ve seen that.”

“That doesn’t mean that talking to someone won’t still be helpful,” Patton said.  “Janus, you were the one who said I should talk to someone.”

“That’s different.”

“How is it different?” Patton asked again.

“Can we not talk about this while I’m driving?”

Patton hummed in acknowledgement.  “Okay.  But don’t think I’ve forgotten about it.”

“Trust me, I know you haven’t.”

Then Janus did turn on some music, and they both sang along to the playlist of roadtrip songs they’d picked out, that they’d be bringing along in the rental car Patton had flat out insisted on getting for the two of them and Remus and Virgil.  They’d let him, since he was the only one who could afford it, really.

They made it to the airport with forty minutes to spare, and Janus parked the car in the lot Patton directed him to.

The second Janus turned off the car, Patton said, “Is it because you still think struggling is your fault?”

Janus tensed and looked firmly away.

“It isn’t.”

“I caused all of my problems when I left,” Janus insisted.  “I should be able to fix them if they deserve to be fixed.”

“That’s not how hurting works, Jan,” Patton said softly, reaching over and gently squeezing Janus’ hand.  “And you know I’d much prefer for you to be happy.  We all would.  We don’t care where your problems came from.”

“Virgil and Remus care,” Janus said, pulling his hand away and crossing his arms.

“Virgil and Remus care to the extent that it takes work to rebuild relationships with people.  That is very different, and you know that.  They wouldn’t want you to keep hurting.”

Janus shifted uncomfortably and didn’t say anything.

“Janus,” Patton said.  “You know I won’t think any less of you if you need some help to get better.”

Janus glared weakly over at him.  “Now that’s not fair.”

“It’s true, sweetheart.”

Janus sighed, and looked away again.  “You really think it would help that much?”

“I really do.  I think you’re underestimating how good it will feel to not be hurting about this anymore.”

“It hasn’t been too long for that?”

“No darling,” Patton said quietly, reaching out and squeezing his hand again.  “It hasn’t.”

Janus was quiet for another moment.  “I’ll think about it,” he said finally.

“Really think about it?”

“Really think about it,” Janus confirmed.  “Just not while we’re on vacation.”

“Fair enough,” Patton said with one final squeeze, and then they both climbed out of the car.

They made their way through security, and then Janus called Remus to get directions to their gate, and they made it there with about fifteen minutes to spare overall, just before getting an announcement that their plane was going to be two hours late.

“Yeah, well, that figures,” Remus laughed.  “Who wants to come up with tragic backstories of everyone that passes us for the next few hours?”

“I’m game,” Virgil said with a grin.  “We talking on the run from the law after a tragic accident sad, or heading out of town for a puppy funeral sad?”

They both began to debate as they people watched, and Janus leaned back against his chair with a fond smile, finding it hard to even be irritated at the longer wait in the prospect of a week-long vacation with everyone he loved surrounding him.  They were going to the Grand Canyon for a couple days to start, followed by camping at Zion, just like he and Patton had done last year.  They weren’t going to as many other places as they had, mostly because the Grand Canyon was a yearly staple for everyone and sticking to places similar to that was just easy.  But honestly, Janus wouldn’t have cared where they were going as long as he got to go with the people here, and maybe get some of Thomas’ strawberry pancakes.

He smiled over at Patton, who was adding sweeter aspects to the backstories Virgil and Remus were coming up with, as was in his nature.

“Hey,” he said, and Patton paused and glanced over at him.

“Yeah?”

Janus leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.  “Thank you.”

“For what?” Patton asked with a bright smile.

“Being you,” Janus said, leaning against his side.  “Helping me find reasons to hope.”

Patton leaned back against Janus’ side.  “It was my pleasure, Jan,” he said.

He smiled in a way that was very Patton, the same way that had once irritated Janus to no end.  Right now, however, all it meant was that he didn’t doubt Patton meant what he said.  And he was all the more grateful for it.

Janus leaned back against the seat and took in Virgil and Remus starting to lightheartedly bicker again, and Patton trying half-seriously to break it up.  And watching it all, he found himself looking forward to the hopeful future they were all building together.  It was one he looked forward to seeing.

#sanders sides #janus sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #character thomas sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #moceit #roman x thomas #I don't think there's a ship name for that #sanders sides big bang #TS Storytime 2022 Submission #my fic

[kutputli]

The Saviour and the Warrior: The two sides of masculinity in Ted Lasso

Somethin @hazelbeewitched said in a recent post about Sam Obisanya reminded me about the way Roy Kent has been constructed as one of the faces of positive masculinity in Ted Lasso.

It's hard to get white fans to read Ted Lasso himself as the epitome of the White Saviour, even though he is literally following the grand narrative tradition of escaping from his problems by going to a foreign country to participate in a martial art form coded sport that he knows nothing about and in which he will miraculously ascend to a position of generally respected and applauded leadership by virtue of his culturally specific (white, American) superior personality traits. It's 2023 of course, so the cast of the grateful natives gets diversified, and many are white. Ted Lasso is the World Bank funding microloans and Bill Gates Foundation 'subsidising' vaccines and every earnest, enthusiastic young volunteer for Habitat for Humanity who's poorly done brick work has to be secretly relaid by an underpaid local labourer.

Ted Lasso gets credit for being gentle and kind and sweet and vulnerable, as though that is a unique way to portray masculinity. But white patriarchy has always reserved a slot for benevolent, sophisticated tenderness - it has denigrated Black and Brown men as barbaric and crude and irrationally violent, while linking their own alignment with power through the patronage of art and culture, and charity works and the ability to be moved to tears by the pathos of the disenfranchised.

Ted Lasso arrived on foreign shores stranded, and a brown man gave him a lift. He arrived clueless, and a brown man gave him guidance on how to thrive and prosper. Ted Lasso introduced the brown man to proper society, and dressed him decently for it. Eventually, he gave the brown man a formal title within his organisation, and a contract (that of course the brown man was supposed to be pleased to sign unread, negotiated.) And then eventually the brown man was offered a better position at a different white man's empire, and he left, committing a typically barbaric, crude act of violence on an innocent piece of paper. But Ted Lasso, secure in his fortress of successful patriarchy, forgave him. Mighty white of him, right?

But on the flip side, (as @benicebefunny has pointed out), Ted Lasso needed someone to outsource the violence to, and that's where we get the other side of the Janus coin.

Roy Kent has been constructed as a warrior, not a hooligan, and the difference is this - his violence is considered justified. The patriarchy, after all has always differentiated between toxic masculinity and chivalry. Roy Kent is good with children (even if he doesn't consider what effect a large white man yelling might have on a Black or Brown 5 year old girl). He is ever-evolvingly sensitive to the needs of his (white, thin, rich, conventionally attractive) girlfriend. He is working-class poor made good on the strengths of his own sheer talent (One requires empires and war for plucky lads to make their fortune).

And in return, Roy is permitted to be the custodian of violence. When Nate is being physically bullied in the dressing room, it is Roy who is permitted to grab, yell at and headbutt the assaulters. (Let us observe, just as an aside, that we have seen Nathan being accused of homophobia in his retaliatory verbal set-downs to Colin, but no one has suspected Roy's concussion causing violence to be the same.)

When Sam is pushed, ignored, and maliciously taunted by Jamie, it is Roy who gets to fight with Jamie on his behalf. (The worst mockery that Jamie has directed to Roy has been regarding his age and his hirsuteness, as compared to that awful remark about Sam's mother and Maradona.) (Sam is actually never permitted to be angry, at all. Because as we all know, the solution to angry Black men being demonised is to just never have them express any anger.)

While white supremacy has always been happy to use Black and Brown bodies as cannon fodder in their wars of colonialism and empire, it has flinched from describing non-white opponents as equals. The native uprisings are quelled, the mutinies and dissidents dealt with, but to earn honour as a warrior one must go up against an enemy of equal strength and courage and acumen, and white supremacy does not acknowledge those to exist in other races.

Which is why Roy's main antagonist is his mirror - an attractive working class white man with talent and ego to spare. In accepting each other, Jamie and Roy are accepting themselves. There is no pesky cross-cultural boundary to cross, no genuine chasms of diverse difference to have to negotiate.

And most importantly, when the violence is outsourced to Roy Kent, then he also is granted the absolute power to choose diplomacy instead. If Roy Kent can forgive and forget Jamie's misdeeds, then he does so on behalf of all the people he (unasked for) championed. Nathan and Sam do not need separate, individualised amends from Jamie, because Roy Kent has claimed their narratives for himself.

Ted Lasso batting his eyelashes at Roy Kent is not queerbaiting - it hits a deep vein of truth. White saviors and white warriors need each other - and the son of their glorious union is the prick with empathy, the white man made good.

#ted lasso #roy kent #jamie tartt #sam obisanya #nathan shelley #my meta

[vinbee631]

Prodigal Sons and Daughters Alike

Hey!! Welcome to the masterpost for my contribution to the @tss-storytime Big Bang! This is one of the biggest projects I've ever completed, and the biggest one I've ever posted, so I really hope you enjoy it!

With that being said, chapter links under the cut! I'll be posting a chapter a day on AO3, so I'll be adding those links as I go!

The art inspired by this fic, made by the lovely @nandysparadox

AO3 Link

1 - I’m Never Gonna Not Dance Again - Prologue ~ Welcome to Sanders Academy! And welcome, the creativitwins

2 - I Can Show You the World (I Can Show You this Classroom) ~ Who would have thought school could actually be- not awful?

3 - What Is This Feeling? (So Sudden and New?) ~ Making friends is surprisingly easy and also Roman please calm down it's only the first day

4 - On the First Day of Mock School (My Roommates Gave to Me…) ~ Waking up is hard, at least they have each other now!

5 - Opening Up, Letting the Day In, Pour You a Cup and Say “Hello, How Ya Been?” ~ Now that they've all met each other, things get complicated (in a good way, they're just middle schoolers)

6 - You’ve Got a Friend in Me (But Maybe Not Him) ~ Remus makes new friends! Patton, not quite, but he's working on it!

7 - Ever Since I Was a Kid, I’ve Been a Brooding Basket Case  ~ One stereotypical melodramatic teenager coming right up! (Now featuring a little more trauma than is strictly necessary for a thirteen-year-old prodigy!)

8 - Forgive Me If I Boast… On the Subject I Love Most (Getting to Know You)  ~ Remus' persistence is highly admirable, but Virgil is not entertained.

9 - Why Do You Look at Me When You Hate Me? ~ Virgil is confused, and possibly has more unresolved trauma. Remus does not do art, but for once is okay with this fact

10 - Intermission: How Would You Like a Friendly Competition? (Let’s Take On the Song)  ~ The twins are very competitive, but also very close. Remus gets a well-deserved break.

11 - I Feel Badly About You Feeling Badly About Me, Feeling Badly About You   ~ Remus talks it out, and gets some sound advice.

12 - Looking for Something Worth It (The Algorithm is Perfect)  ~ Conversation One: Virgil and Logan are now study buddies

13 - The Bar Isn’t the Best Place to Find Advice, Thank God We’re In the Hallway ~ Conversation Two: Janus is snarky, and apparently, so is his roommate

14 - You Know Time Crawls On When You’re Waiting for the Song to Start  ~ Conversation Three: Roman has good taste in music, but bad taste in movies

15 - I Don’t Need No Love (All I Need Is a Sugar Rush) ~ Conversation Four/Existential Crisis: Baking Edition, feat. Patton

16 - Fear or Love, Baby? Don’t Say The Answer (Actions Speak Louder)  ~ Conversation Five: Remus' biggest mistake

17 - Being Back Here Makes Me Hot in the Face ~ Conversation Six: Good God these boys need therapy.

18 - It’s the Story of One Who Turned from Hating (The Man Who Only Learned to Love) - Epilogue  ~ There is no official conversation seven, but things work out anyway. At least, Virgil thinks so.

aand, that's all folks!

#sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides #tssstorytimesubmission2023 #tss storytime 2023 #tws and cws will be on each individual chapter!! #roman sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #emile picani #and others! #god i don't tag things well on tumblr what am i doing?

[groovyghostie]

The Seer: Part 2

Part 1

Art by @creative-lampd-liberties

AO3

12: The Killers

It was as the group was setting up to sleep that Janus froze. He was in the woods, watching himself and the others get ready to bed down for the night. He felt a bow in his hands.

He snapped back to reality, then shushed everyone quickly. All chatter stopped. Janus looked at Roman and nodded towards the spot where he was sure he had just been, that someone was watching them from.

Virgil heard something from the opposite direction. “There’s more,” he hissed.

Then they all heard a twig snap in another direction. Virgil put up a barrier around them just as an arrow flew out of the woods. It bounced off the barrier and hit the ground.

Thomas narrowed his eyes, peering at the woods around the clearing for hiding spots that may be in use. He didn’t need to, though, because people began emerging from the woods all around them.

There were about fifteen of them in total. Some carried bows, some wicked-looking knives, and some swords. There was a crossbow and a whip somewhere in that mix, too.

A man stepped forward. He wielded a staff from which Janus could feel power emanating. He raised the staff and fired off a blast toward the shimmering purple barrier.

When it hit, Virgil grunted and grit his teeth.

Patton and Logan both looked at him in concern.

Thomas gripped the hilt of his sword, while Remy reached for his dagger.

Roman unsheathed his shortsword quickly and instinctively moved toward the man with the staff, while Remus eyed another man, shorter than the others and smug-looking. He held no weapon, and instead his arms were crossed over his chest as he leaned against a tree. There were several weapons hanging from his belt, though.

A moment of stillness passed before the man with the staff blasted more power at Virgil’s barrier, a sustained arc of blue lightning. Virgil gasped and staggered, and Logan rushed to support him, holding on to him tightly. After wavering for a moment, Virgil’s barrier glowed brighter. Then the staff-wielder increased the power of his attack, and the barrier sputtered out.

It took less than a second for the clearing to erupt into chaos, weapons being drawn and fights being initiated. Blades clashed, and arrows flew.

Roman cried out, and Janus turned to see him clutching his shoulder, then found himself pinned to the ground with a knife to his throat. He glared at the woman leaning over him, and she sneered back.

The next thing Janus knew, the bandit was gone, and he looked over to see Roman wrestling her on the forest floor. The bandit that had injured Roman’s shoulder was coming for them quickly, so Janus stuck his foot out to trip them. They fell hard and hit their head on a rock. Janus’s attention returned to Roman and the other bandit just in time to see Roman punching her in the face over and over. Roman’s sword and the bandit’s knife were on the ground nearby.

Janus sat up, grabbed his cane, and snatched the knife before scrambling to his feet. He looked around. Thomas was holding his own, as were Remus, Remy, and Logan. Virgil was practically pinned between Remy and Logan, though he had a hand on the hilt of his rapier and was firing off spells. Logan appeared to be chastising him. Then Janus spotted Patton.

Patton was fighting his hardest with the large knife that Remus and Roman had made sure he had, but he was being forced further and further back toward the treeline by three bandits. Janus loped toward them, too filled with adrenaline to let his limp slow him down more than a little. He stumbled, but righted himself quickly and stayed up.

He jammed the knife into one bandit’s back and pulled it out quickly.

The bandit fell.

Patton and Janus met eyes over the bandit’s body.

Something sharp was suddenly at Janus’s collarbone, which had been uncovered in the fight by his clothes becoming ruffled. A body pressed against his back. “I ought to kill you for that,” a rough but high voice said. Janus inhaled shallowly and let it out slowly.

Patton took an instinctive step forward, but stopped when the sword against Janus’s chest pressed harder and Janus winced. A drop of blood ran down the inch between the sword and the collar of Janus’s shirt, staining the fabric there a darker black. Janus stared at Patton with wide eyes.

The person moved away and removed the sword before kicking Janus in the back of his bad leg, causing him to fall to the ground. “Stay down,” the rough voice said.

The two remaining bandits near them cornered Patton and forced him to his knees next to where Janus was on his hands and knees. Janus stared at the ground underneath him, breathing heavily.

When he heard Thomas yell angrily, Janus finally looked up, only to be kicked in the side by one of the two bandits. He looked up from where he now lay on his side, and found that the others had been cornered and disarmed, weapons on all sides of them. The staff-wielder held Virgil tightly, and the man with many, many weapons hanging from his belt stood looking at him.

“How fortunate,” said the rough voice. “We’ve hit it rich, friends! Do you know who this is?”

There was silence.

The man reached out. “Hello, little prince. What are you doing all the way out here?” He touched Virgil’s cheek. Virgil spat at him.

The man wiped the spit from his cheek, unnervingly calm, then struck Virgil across the face, fast as lightning. Virgil’s head snapped to the side, and he breathed heavily. He spat blood onto the ground.

“Leave him alone!” Logan cried.

The man sneered at him. “How cute,” he said dryly. “Someone has a little schoolboy crush. Oh, well. Everyone except our prize here will have to die anyway.”

“Don’t,” Virgil said softly, just enough for Janus to make it out.

“Oh, don’t make so much of it. I won’t kill them yet. They could still prove useful,” the man said. He made a gesture.

Janus felt a sharp pain on the side of his head, then everything was black.

-

Janus blinked himself awake, his head pounding and his vision swimming.

“Jan?” he heard. “Janus, are you okay?”

Was that… Roman? “Yes?” Janus said. What he heard come out was, “Nnh?”

“Is he awake?” Patton asked, sounding very worried.

“’M awake,” Janus answered, with a fair bit of effort.

Patton breathed a sigh of relief. Janus thought Roman did too, but probably not.

Janus forced his eyes open the rest of the way. They were all tied up, all seven of them. Seven? He counted again, then his eyes widened. They were missing Virgil.

They all had their hands tied behind their backs, but not to anything. They were in a tent. Logan’s head was hanging. Thomas had his eyes closed. Meditating, maybe? Remy glared forward. Patton looked at Janus worriedly. There were two other people in the tent, facing them. The staff wielder and the woman Roman had punched. A lot. Her eye was black, her lip was split, and she was glaring at Roman. Roman was ignoring her, looking at Remus instead. Remus raised an eyebrow. Roman nodded slightly.

Remus and Roman hopped to their feet without need of their hands. Janus watched, stunned, as they barreled toward the staff-wielder and the other bandit. The staff-wielder managed to put out a hand, and Remus bounced off a wall of force. Meanwhile, Roman ran full force into them both. He managed to catch them both off-guard, and he knocked them back.

“Emile, now,” Thomas said.

The ropes around everyone’s wrists loosened at once. Janus pushed himself up, only to be caught by Remy when his leg gave out, his cane nowhere to be found. Patton sprang up to support him at his other side.

Roman and Remus both came down hard on the bandit woman, wrestling away her knife and forcing her down, and Thomas rushed to incapacitate the mage, grabbing his sword from behind the woman and the staff-wielder, then hitting him over the head with the hilt of his sword. He swiftly did the same to the woman.

“Let’s go,” Logan said, and they all looked to him. He held the mallet that was intended for hammering down stakes to attach the tent to the ground.

Janus shrugged off Patton and Remy, and Roman shot him a concerned look.

They all grabbed their weapons, Janus both his knife and cane, and they went to one side of the tent, where Logan peeked through a gap in the tent canvas.

Roman placed a hand on Janus’s arm, and Janus gave him a confused stare.

Roman looked into his eyes, and Janus felt his face warm up. He prayed it didn’t show.

Roman nodded slightly. “You’re still dizzy, right? I hope you’re not hurt too bad.”

Janus frowned. “I’m fine.”

“Nope,” Roman said. “You’re staying close to me.”

“You don’t need to protect me,” Janus insisted.

“Just let me help,” Roman hissed.

“I’m not helpless!” Janus hissed back.

Logan shushed them. “The path is clear for now. Knock out any bandits you come across, so that they don’t alert the others. Find Virgil. Let’s do it.” He walked out of the tent sneakily. The rest of them followed.

Janus carried his cane, so as not to make any more noise than necessary.

Despite his annoyance, or even anger, at Roman, he did stay close to him. Roman checked often. Remy and Patton shared a look after Remy gestured his head questioningly at them. Patton shrugged.

One after the other, they clubbed bandits over the head. Mostly Logan, Remus, and Roman.

Finally, one let out a yell. Logan swore, at which Remy and Patton both looked especially surprised.

They all fought harder, more ferociously, as one bandit came after the other. Janus wasn’t sure how many were just unconscious and how many were dead. He thought of the bandit he’d stabbed before, in the clearing. He hadn’t seen him again.

Finally, it seemed like things had died down. “We have to find Virgil,” Logan said, pushing onward despite how exhausted he seemed. Janus noticed blood dripping down his leg from a gash in his pants.

“Logan,” Patton tried.

“I’ll rest when we find him,” Logan snapped.

“Looking for something?” asked a rough voice that Janus had definitely heard before. The group whipped around to find the apparent leader of the bandits holding Virgil tightly, a knife pressed to his throat hard enough for a droplet of blood to run down to his collar. The bandit was sneering at them, rage written all over his face. “I should’ve killed you lot when I had the chance.”

Virgil’s eyes were wide and fearful, and his face was bruised in a couple places. Logan glared back at the bandit with just as much anger, if not more.

“You probably should have, yeah,” Remus said. Patton shushed him.

Janus froze for a moment. For that moment, he thought he saw a snake climbing up the man’s leg.

The man held Virgil even tighter, and Virgil visibly held himself back from flinching.

“Leave, and he lives,” the man threatened.

“Just let him go,” Logan said, trying to compose himself. “We’ll be on our way when we have him back.”

The man pulled Virgil a step back. Janus watched with wide eyes as a rope snaked its way up the man’s leg, then up his side.

Logan appeared to have seen it too. “Don’t hurt him,” he begged. “Please…”

“I will if you don-”

The man was cut off as the rope tightened around his neck. It glowed purple, as did Virgil’s eyes. In his desperate struggle to regain air, the man let go of Virgil, who fell to his knees on the rough dirt. The glow of his eyes painted the dirt purple.

Logan rushed to Virgil, scooping him up to pull him away from the man who’d threatened his life. “It’s okay,” he soothed.

Virgil’s eyes still glowed. The rope tightened and tightened around the man’s neck until he stopped moving and his face was just as purple as the glowing rope. The glow abruptly vanished, and Virgil gasped for air.

Patton knelt next to Logan and Virgil, blocking Virgil’s view of the man. “Hey, Virge, it’s okay,” he murmured as Virgil attempted to calm his breathing. Logan pulled Virgil’s hand to his chest and took a deep breath for Virgil to imitate.

When Virgil was somewhat recovered, Logan having pressed many soft kisses to his scalp, and the group was less stunned, Roman spoke. “We need to get moving before anyone comes to. Can all of you walk okay?”

Logan went to stand, supporting Virgil, but he faltered when his leg oozed more blood, the gash having reopened. Thomas gently helped both Logan and Virgil stand, then scooped up Virgil, much to Logan’s chagrin. Roman offered Logan his arm, and Logan reluctantly took it.

“Let’s get somewhere safe, then regroup,” Roman said.

“Lemme heal you guys,” Virgil protested.

“No,” Logan answered immediately. “You’re tired. Rest first.”

They searched for the rest of their belongings, then once they had retrieved them, they left, in the direction Roman had determined the mountains were.

Janus was at the front with Roman, Logan, Thomas, and Virgil for a minute, then he fell back to talk to Remus and Patton. “Pat, are you okay?”

Patton nodded. “Yeah. They didn’t really hurt me that much, just twisted my arm and bruised my knees.” He smiled tiredly. “Are you alright?”

Janus nodded back. “And you, Re?”

Remus hummed. “I was hoping for a little more blood and gore, actually.”

Janus and Patton each made a face. “Gross,” Janus said.

In front of them, Remy nudged Thomas. “Are you alright?”

Thomas nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you hurt?” Remy rephrased.

Thomas glanced down at Virgil to make sure he was sleeping, as he’d drifted off shortly after they’d begun to walk. He lifted one arm, careful not to jostle Virgil. There was a gash in his side that he’d already secured clean cloth around, but he was bleeding through the dressing.

Remy’s eyes widened. “We need to take care of that,” he hissed.

“We need to get to safety first,” Thomas responded.

“You’re losing blood,” Remy insisted.

“What’s going on?” Logan asked.

“You and Thomas need medical attention, that’s what,” Remy snapped.

“We can stop soon,” Roman butted in. “Just a bit longer.”

Remy quieted, but his expression showed his dissatisfaction. He knew when to back down, though.

It was only as they began to stop and regroup that Janus let his leg go out. He knew he wouldn’t be able to lower himself carefully, so he fell back against a tree instead. Roman, having just gotten Logan situated next to Virgil, stepped over and gently pulled him back upright. Instead of the disdain Janus expected to see on his face, there was only concern.

“You’ve overworked yourself,” Roman said softly and helped Janus to sit before sitting next to him.

“Not like I had much of a choice,” Janus huffed.

Patton sat down on Janus’s other side, with Remus next to him.

“Maybe you and some of the others should go home,” Roman said, tone gentle and careful.

Janus’s face hardened. “I have to see this through,” he said. “The vision—I need to be by your side.”

Roman nodded grimly. “Alright. Just… please be careful.”

Janus paused. “I’m trying,” he finally responded.

Remus and Patton shared a knowing look.

13: The Father

Janus awoke to the sound of someone emptying the contents of their stomach. The pre-dawn light barely illuminated his surroundings. Roman and Remus were already sitting up, as was Remy, and the rest were slowly waking. He looked around to find out who was missing. “Patton,” he said finally. He and Remus met eyes, then jumped up to find Patton as quickly as possible.

They found him leaning heavily against a tree, wiping his mouth. He was sweaty and disheveled, but he smiled as much as he could when he saw them. There was something frightened in his eyes, though.

“What happened?” Remus asked, pulling Patton to him protectively.

Patton waved a hand. “I’m fine, must have just eaten something bad.”

Janus frowned. “We’ve all been eating the same things…”

Patton hummed. “My stomach is just being sensitive….”

Remus furrowed his brow. “If you’re ill…”

“I’m not,” Patton said.

“Are you sure?” Janus asked.

“Yes,” Patton insisted.

“How do you know?” Remus pressed.

“Because I’m pregnant!” Patton put both his hands over his mouth, his eyes wide. He had definitely said that loudly enough for all the others to hear.

Remus stared at Patton like he’d suddenly sprouted a new head out of each shoulder.

“Pat, that’s-” Janus began to say. Then Remus bolted, off back toward the spot where they’d slept. Janus and Patton stood there for a moment, stunned, then Patton burst into tears. Janus hugged him and began to guide them back towards camp.

When they arrived, Virgil held out his arms to Patton, and Patton practically fell into them, sobbing.

Roman grabbed Janus’s hand and began to pull him along. “We have to go get my brother,” Roman informed him.

Janus inhaled sharply. “I’d say to give him space, but time is of the essence…”

They followed the obvious path Remus had left, broken twigs and footprints in the dirt. Finally, Roman spotted him.

Remus was crouched with his back against a tree, hands clutching the sides of his head as he stared off into space.

Janus moved forward and lowered himself to the ground in front of him. “Talk to me, monster,” he said gently. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“I can’t be a father…” Remus ground out through clenched teeth.

“Oh, sure you can,” Janus said. “You’re a half-decent husband, why not a dad?”

“You don’t understand!” Remus snapped.

Janus glanced at Roman.

Roman chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, then plopped down next to Remus. “Look, Re. I’ve known you our whole lives, yeah?”

Remus was silent.

Roman pressed on, “You may be… crass, rude, disturbing-”

Janus cleared his throat.

“Right, uh…” Roman flushed. “Despite all that, you’ve always stepped up for the people you care about. Why would this be any different?”

Remus sniffled. “I’m… afraid.”

Janus nodded. “I’m sure Patton is, too. But we’ll be there to help, right, Roman?”

“Right,” Roman agreed. “Me and Janus, and I’m sure the others, too, we won’t abandon you. You’re not alone.”

Remus swallowed heavily. “Is Patton okay?”

Janus and Roman shared a look.

“Well, we should probably check on him,” Roman said. He stood, then helped Janus and Remus to their feet.

Remus practically ran back to the campsite, Janus and Roman lagging behind him. When Janus and Roman arrived, Patton and Remus were clinging to each other tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Remus said, “I shouldn’t have run off… I was scared.”

“I’m scared, too,” Patton responded, sniffling softly.

“It’ll be okay,” Remus said. “Roman and Janus will be there. It’ll be okay.”

“Yeah,” Patton said. “It will be.”

-

Janus was really starting to get tired of walking. The mountains had been looming over them for hours, and they never seemed to be getting any closer.

Roman stopped. “There,” he pointed. A break in the trees. Rocky terrain. The group picked up their pace. Soon they were running, even Janus.

They breached the treeline, and there was the base of Pious Mountain. Janus froze again. There was a cave, about a quarter of the way around the mountain if they went right. He informed the others. He wanted to despair at the thought of more walking, but they were almost there.

After another hour, Roman spotted a cave. They began to run again, then Virgil cried out, “Stop!” Everyone froze.

Virgil crouched, picked up a rock about the size of his fist, straightened again, then threw the rock toward the cave. About four yards from the cave entrance, the rock fizzled away amid sparks of orange light. They all stared.

Janus saw Roman walk through the barrier, a gateway of orange light forming around him, then he blinked, and nothing had changed.

“Roman,” Janus said. When he had Roman’s attention, he asked, “Do you trust me?”

Roman frowned. “Why?”

“Because you need to just walk into the cave,” Janus answered.

Roman balked. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“Trust me, Roman, please. I had a vision.”

Roman hesitated. “Come with me, then.”

Janus took only a second to decide. “It’s worth a try.”

“What?!” Patton exclaimed. “What if you get hurt, or worse?!”

Janus looked at Patton, keeping his expression calm. “We have to try, for everyone’s sake.”

Patton wilted at that. “Be careful,” he said softly.

Janus gave him his most reassuring smile. “We’ll be back before you know it.”

Roman walked toward the barrier, and Janus followed. They stopped before they got too close, feeling the buzzing energy in the air.

“I think our best bet is for me to carry you,” Roman said.

Janus tried to think of an alternative and came up short. His face was hot. “Fine.”

Roman gently scooped him up, hunched over him, and sprinted through the barrier.

Orange light crackled around them, but did not touch them. Then they were through. Janus took a shaky breath, and Roman looked incredibly relieved. He let Janus back down onto his own two feet gently. “Right,” Roman said. “I guess now we keep going.”

They steeled themselves, then stepped into the cave.

14: The Witch

It was dark, but very warm inside the cave. They paused.

“You brought a lanter-?” Roman began to ask, then torches along the wall lit up with crimson fire in pairs on either side down the passageway.

“Right,” Janus said. “That’s…”

“I’m choosing to believe that’s a good sign,” Roman said, raising himself up to his full height. “Let’s go.”

“Slowly,” Janus said. “Who knows what kinds of traps the duchess has down here…”

So the two continued cautiously. There were a few obvious traps that they avoided carefully, but soon they came to a fork in the path.

Roman turned to Janus. “Which way?”

“Why are you asking me? You’re supposed to be the hero here!”

“You’re the one who got us into the cave!”

“Fine, um…” Janus closed his eyes to concentrate. “I don’t know… Left?”

“You don’t sound very confident,” Roman pointed out.

“Well, I can’t make myself have a vision, can I?” Janus responded, voice rising slightly at the end.

“We’re going right,” Roman said.

“What, just because I said left?”

“No, because that’s the way it feels like we should go,” Roman snapped.

“Fine,” Janus snapped back and began to lead the way down the right passageway.

“Janus-” Roman began as he hurried after him.

Something sank underneath Janus’s foot, his left. He began to trip, and the floor disappeared in front on him. Before he could even think to be frightened, he was yanked back by the back of his shirt and found himself pressed tightly to Roman’s chest. His cane was no longer in his hand, and after a couple more seconds, they heard something shatter far below them at the bottom of the pit.

Janus took a shaky breath. “You, ah… You can let go of me now,” he said softly.

Roman backed up another step away from the pit, taking Janus with him, before finally releasing him. “I’m sorry about your cane,” Roman said.

“It’s replaceable,” Janus said dismissively.

“You were right,” Roman added. “We should have gone left.”

Janus just hummed. They turned back and went to the fork again before taking the other passageway. Janus had to steady himself against the wall, and when Roman offered help, he refused.

They only saw one trap this way, a tripwire which they stepped over.

Eventually they saw a doorway, a green glow coming from within. As they entered the room, Roman gasped. It was filled with glittering gold and shimmering gems, all with that green glow glinting off of their surfaces. The light was emanating from an object at the top of a pedestal in the center of the room.

Upon closer inspection when they made their way closer, this object was a simple hand mirror. It looked exactly like the one in Janus’s bag. Something dark seemed to come from within it, a creeping sense of dread, a paranoia.

“What now?” Roman asked.

“The mirror,” Janus said breathlessly. “You have to destroy it.”

Roman looked around, then picked up a ruby larger than his hand. He hefted it and, satisfied with its mass, brought it to the pedestal. He took the ruby in both hands, held it high, and brought it down on the mirror heavily.

It shattered.

A wraith-like screech ricocheted through the cage, and Roman and Janus both covered their ears. The cave began to rumble as the screech faded.

“We have to get out of here!” Roman yelled.

“Just run!” Janus answered. “I’m right behind you!”

Roman looked conflicted for a moment, then the cave shook harder. Instead of doing as Janus said, he instead picked him up, despite his wriggling and protests, and began to sprint back toward the cave entrance. He jumped over or ducked around each trap, even as gravel began to rain down around them. He dove through the cave entrance just before it was covered by a falling boulder, wrapping himself around Janus as he rolled with his momentum.

“Roman! Janus!” Patton’s voice cried.

Janus found himself extricated from Roman’s arms by Remus, then he was being brushed off and checked over by Patton. Roman was getting the same treatment from Thomas.

“What happened?” Logan asked.

“I broke the mirror,” Roman answered. “The Dragon Witch’s mirror.”

Janus stumbled forward into Patton. He was back in the ballroom. It was on fire, it was so hot, people were screaming and bleeding and dying and dead on the floor, there was a dragon. A huge, hulking red beast, and Roman was standing between her and Janus, sword drawn, blood dripping from his temple to his jaw. Janus tried to cry out, but he couldn’t.

“Janus, are you alright?” Roman asked urgently.

“We have to get back to the palace,” Janus answered immediately. “My vision, it’s still… The mirror, I think it just made her angry.”

“I can get us back,” Virgil said. “It’ll use up… a lot of energy.”

“No, Virgil,” Logan said. “That’s very risky.”

“I have to,” Virgil insisted. “My parents are in that palace. Valerie is in that palace. Our friends are there, good people!”

Logan hesitantly nodded.

Virgil took a deep breath. “I’m going to open a portal. You’ll all have to get through it as quickly as possible, I’ll go last.”

Logan opened his mouth to protest.

“Logan and I will go last,” Virgil corrected himself.

As soon as everyone was ready, Virgil opened his arms, and a portal opened, like a tear in the air itself. It swirled with purple energy.

The adventurers filed through, one at a time, but as quickly as possible. Logan and Virgil walked through last, sweat beading on Virgil’s forehead, then the portal closed with a sound like the air was being sucked out of the area around it.

15: The Hero

Andy stood in the ballroom, off to the side, trying to disappear into the background. He took comfort from the fact that Pryce was somewhere nearby. Their cover story had finally failed when Eschive had barged into Virgil’s room to demand that he attend the party. At least he didn’t spend enough time around his nephew to recognize that Andy was not actually said nephew. Eschive decided he looked well enough to come downstairs, so Andy got dressed in Virgil’s clothes, and he went downstairs. To a party. Where multiple people would see him. And realize he wasn’t the prince. And arrest him. And torture him. And execute him-

Pryce slipped his hand into Andy’s behind a pillar and squeezed gently before letting go. Andy took a deep breath. Right. It was okay. Because Pryce was here. And the makeup made him look more like Virgil, and he had the right haircut, and their voices sounded alike. It would be fine. 

“A wonderful party, isn’t it?” said a lilting voice. 

Andy snapped his head over to look, and there was Duchess Adalinda Draco in all her glory. She wore a maroon gown, and her neck and ears dripped with wine-colored jewels that glinted red in the light. A gold circlet inlaid with rubies adorned her gorgeous hair. There was a glass clasped in her delicate hand, full of a translucent yellow liquid. Her lips were painted the color of blood. Andy held back a shudder at the thought. 

“Your father has been so welcoming to me,” the duchess continued. “A going-away party is just the cherry on top, don’t you think?” 

Andy nodded a little. “It’s a wonderful party…”

“Isn’t it just?” Adalinda asked. As she stepped closer to approach him, she stumbled slightly, and just then, Andy noticed Eschive out of the corner of his eye. He was cornered. It was a trap.

Adalinda’s drink splashed all over him as Eschive caught her. Andy looked down to find his makeup running down onto his shirt. 

Eschive gasped loudly. “You’re not Prince Virgil! Guards! Seize him!” 

Andy stood, shocked, as multiple guards rushed towards him. Then Pryce was in front of him, backing him toward the wall to stand between him and anyone who might harm him. 

“There’s a perfectly good explanation,” he said calmly. 

The king and queen had stood from their chairs and were beginning to move toward the commotion. 

Suddenly, an ear-piercing shriek echoed through the ballroom. Most everyone in the room covered their ears as every glass in the room burst into shards.. They all looked toward the source of the sound to find Adalinda thrashing in Eschive’s arms. “Duchess Draco, what’s wrong?” Andy heard Eschive ask through the ringing in his ears. 

Adalinda lifted her head. Red scales speckled her face. The scleras of her eyes were pitch black, her irises crimson, and her pupils slitted. She glared at Andy and Pryce, then turned her head to the king and queen. 

The party guests all watched as more scales formed on her skin, as she grew in size, ripping her gown to shreds, as her face elongated into a snout, as her fingers stretched into talons, as wings burst forth from her shoulder blades. She shrieked again, this time from a mouth filled with several rows of sharp teeth and steaming spittle.

Then she breathed out a column of flames toward the ceiling. 

The fire caught and spread quickly, and the chandelier fell onto several people. There was screaming and wailing as the guests fled. 

“Andy, go!” Pryce commanded. 

“Not without you!” Andy answered stubbornly. 

Huge claws swung toward them, and Pryce drew his sword in a flash, catching them against the blade. “Andy!” he exclaimed. “Just listen to me!” 

Andy ducked under a table as the Dragon Witch raised her head again and spat more fire. Then he watched as her tail swung across the floor and hit Pryce head-on, knocking him to the ground. He didn’t move. Andy went to his side immediately. He didn’t care about anything other than getting Pryce away from there.

The sound of ripping filled the room, and Andy turned to see a purple portal in the center of the room. Out stepped each of the members of the adventuring party. Prince Virgil and Logan came last, and the prince slumped into Logan’s arms as soon as the portal closed.

Janus looked around quickly, surveying the scene. 

Roman, on the other hand, charged straight in, sword drawn. Thomas followed after him, though Janus could hear Remy protesting. The smell of burning flesh made Janus’s head spin. 

“Virgil!” someone called. Virgil, Logan, and Janus looked over just in time to see Valerie engulfed in flame. Virgil screamed.

When the flames receded there was nothing left. 

Eschive and the king and queen promptly met the same fate. 

Logan started to pull Virgil toward the door, and Patton rushed to help, but Virgil fought with all the strength he had left each step of the way. 

Janus looked up at the Dragon Witch. She looked back at him. “Come and get me, then,” Janus cried. 

The Dragon Witch ignored Roman and Thomas in favor of Janus. She swung her claws at him, barely catching his leg and leaving three large gashes and one smaller scratch there. He fell to the floor.

Then Janus watched as Roman’s sword separated the Dragon Witch’s head from her body. It hit the floor with a mighty thud, her body hitting the floor just moments later with an even louder one. 

There was silence for a few moments. Janus and Roman stared at each other with wide eyes.

Laughter. Someone was laughing. In a very familiar voice. Everyone turned to look at Remus, who was standing next to the Dragon Witch’s severed head. He laughed again. 

“Of course she couldn’t finish the job,” he said. A vicious smile split his face. “Useless. There’s still one left.” He turned his head to look at Virgil.

“Remus…” Roman began softly. “What are you talking about?” 

Remus turned his attention to Roman. “What do you mean? I’m the one pulling the strings, dumbass!” He stalked towards Virgil, and those not already with Virgil moved with him, trying to stay in his way. Janus couldn’t get to his feet, though. 

“It took me years to get that stupid witch strong enough to stage a coup, and she couldn’t even kill all the royals!” 

“Why?” Virgil asked softly, voice choked. 

“Because your great grandfather stole my true name!” Remus snapped. “And when you do that to a fae, you steal their life away! I was a slave to him for forty years, and then to your grandfather for another forty!” He sneered at Virgil. “And I swore revenge against their line.”

“What?” Roman asked, unable to get any other words out. 

“Keep up!” Remus said. “I’m a fae, the king stole my true name, I escaped, I meddled with Adalinda Draco’s magic… They punished me for that, my court. That’s how I ended up here. ” He made a disgusted face. “They were going to replace you,” he said, pointing at Roman, “with me. Luckily for you, Galena’s smarter than the idiot they sent to steal you away and leave me in your place.”

“Remus,” Patton spoke up. “This isn’t… This isn’t you!”

Remus sneered. “It is me, though, isn’t it? I’m not the person you met back then. I didn’t know who I was when I met you. Then I remembered, and here we are.” He turned his attention back to Virgil. “And all that’s left for me is to kill him.”

As Remus took a step forward, Patton stepped in front of Virgil, arms spread. “If you want to kill him, you’ll have to kill me first,” Patton said evenly. “Please, Remus… You can stop this now… Please.”

Remus took another step forward. “Careful what you wish for, Patty-cakes.”

Janus could see it in his mind’s eye, Remus sending a blast of green energy from his hand. The energy hitting Patton. Patton falling. So he moved.

Janus sprang to his feet and launched himself to be in between Patton and Remus, fueled by only adrenaline as his leg screamed out in protest. 

It only felt cold where Remus’s attack hit him. He fell back to the floor, dazed. Patton fell to his knees at his side and began desperately trying to keep him awake. He could only pay attention to Remus, though.

“Janus!” Roman cried. He stepped in next, sword raised. He quickly turned his attention to Remus, hyper-aware of the threat he posed. “Re, I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve been a horrible brother. I should’ve stood up to Father for you, and for Patton. I could’ve done right by you, and I didn’t. But I’m trying now. You can leave. You can run away, and no one other than us has to know this was you. If you just leave Virgil alone. Please.”

Remus stalked ever-closer, a dark look in his eyes. “I’ll kill you, too,” he told Roman.

Roman lowered his sword. “Then do it.”

Remus bared his teeth. “I’m not bluffing, Roman. Get out of my way!”

“No,” Roman answered. “I won’t.” 

Once again, Janus saw Remus attacking someone. This time it was Roman. He looked to his side. The mirror had fallen out of his satchel. There was a crack in the glass, vertically down the middle. 

“Remember to keep your mirror nearby!”

Janus grabbed the mirror, pushed himself up as far as he could, and tossed it to Roman. 

Roman caught it with his back turned, then looked at it, puzzled. Then he saw Remus lift his hand to attack again. He threw the mirror at Remus with all his might, somehow sure that was what he needed to do. 

They all heard the sound of glass shattering, but when the bright red light that filled the room faded, the mirror fell to the floor, intact and unbroken, with a series of soft clinks. 

Janus’s vision, once again, faded to black.

Epilogue

Roman cradled the mirror in his hands as he stepped into his home, which now felt incredibly unfamiliar. He was still covered in scratches, bruises, and worse. Grey was rushing toward him to check on him, but Roman spoke before he could get a word out. “I need to talk to my mother and father urgently. I’ll meet them in the study.”

The walk to the study was numb, empty. The portraits on the walls stared at him with disgust. He reminded himself of the court doctor’s assurances that Janus would survive. It would be okay. He looked down at the mirror. It wouldn’t be okay.

He sat down in the armchair in the corner of the study, looking around at the room as if he were seeing it for the first time. It was utilitarian, but it somehow still comforted him to be in this place that he’d often worked in from a very young age.

His father arrived first. “Good gracious, Roman, look at the state of you! Go clean yourself up.”

“I need to speak with you and Mother first, Father.”

There was silence for a few moments before Carine entered. “Roman! Are you alright, dear?!” She carefully knelt before him.

“I have something to tell you,” Roman said in lieu of an answer. He finally gained the courage to say it when he saw Galena sneak into the room. So he told them the whole story. From Remus’s grudge against the royal family to their adventure in the woods to the confrontation at the palace. He held out the mirror.

Though the duke looked at the mirror dispassionately, the duchess touched it and began to sob. Roman joined her in her tears, and once the duke left without a word, Galena came to them and hugged them both. Roman cried into the arms of both his mother and his nanny for hours.

-

Virgil held Patton tightly. They lay in Virgil’s bed in his chambers. Patton had finally stopped crying a while before, but he still occasionally shivered, despite the blankets wrapped around them. 

Virgil looked up as Logan entered the room, carrying a tray. He set it down on the bedside table, then he and Virgil worked together to get Patton into a sitting position. Logan sat down with them, then distributed the glasses of water and the jam thumbprint cookies from the tray. 

Patton sat between Virgil and Logan, and Virgil and Logan held him and held each other’s hands behind Patton’s back.

When Patton fell asleep, Logan moved the cups, Patton’s glasses, and his own glasses to the bedside table. He and Virgil snuggled up to Patton and fell asleep, too. They desperately needed a rest. 

-

“It was… hard on us all, Emile, but I worry about Patton, Janus, and Roman especially,” Thomas said. 

“All you can do is be there for them, Tommy,” Emile advised. “They all need friends right now, and you’re their friend. Be there when you can, and ask what they need occasionally.”

Thomas nodded. “You’re right…”

“Whatcha doin’?” a voice asked from the honeysuckle trellis archway that led into the center of the temple gardens. 

Thomas turned to see Remy standing there, dressed in his more stylish clothes he wore on his days off. “Talking to Emile,” Thomas answered.

Emile made himself visible to Remy and waved. 

Remy smiled and waved back before walking over to sit on the stone bench next to Thomas. “How’re you feeling, hun? That whole thing was… a lot.”

Thomas gave him a tense smile. “Really tired. I’ll be alright after some rest, so I’m taking a break from training. Or… Janus told me I had to, anyway, and I’m going to listen.”

Remy smiled more softly. “Good. One of the older servants is letting Logan and me take a break. Logan won’t step down as Virgil’s personal servant, but he’s accepted some help.”

Thomas nodded. “Good.”

Remy nodded back. “Yeah.” 

They both looked at the fountain in front of them, and noticed that Emile had disappeared. They still remained silent. Remy slipped his hand into Thomas’s. They rested.

-

Pryce opened his eyes blearily. He caught the coattails of Prince Virgil leaving the room, and he realized he wasn’t in any pain. He looked to his right.

Andy was sitting in a chair next to him, leaning against the wall and snoring softly. Pryce smiled fondly. He sat up and gently held Andy’s hand. He watched him sleep, taking comfort in the rise and fall of his chest, until he woke up and smiled sleepily at him. And Pryce smiled back.

-

Janus sat at his readings table, head in hands, staring at the table. The wood grain was not interesting enough to keep his thoughts from wandering to Remus.

He didn’t look up when the door opened, or when someone pulled out the chair across from him and sat down. 

“Mother and Father agreed to let Emile’s acolytes watch over the mirror,” said Roman. Janus just hummed in response. Roman sighed, sounding more tired than Janus had ever heard him. Then he set down a bottle heavily on the table. “Screw this, let’s drink.”

-

“I so saved your butt,” Roman slurred, pointing at Janus around the drink in his hand.

“Did not!” Janus responded in kind. “I had it all under control! Takes more than an angry bandit to kill me!”

“Admit it!” Roman cried. “You need me around.”

Janus paused for a moment, looked down at his drink, looked back up at Roman. “I do,” he said softly.

“Huh?” Roman asked.

“I do need you,” Janus said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Huh?” Roman repeated.

Janus leaned forward over the table suddenly and pressed his lips to Roman’s. Roman’s stillness worried him for a moment, but then he leaned into the kiss.

When Janus awoke in the morning, he was curled up in his bed, in Roman’s arms, still wearing the clothes he’d been wearing the night before.

-

The coronation wasn’t exactly a happy day. Virgil didn’t particularly want the crown. Valerie was the one who was supposed to be the next ruler. The thought of replacing her made Virgil want to vomit. Logan squeezed his hand. Then the acolyte of the Queen Goddess began to speak, to ask Virgil about his oath to the kingdom. Virgil agreed. The crowd cheered. When he left the temple, at least all his friends were waiting for him. Patton hugged him tightly.

-

“What did you decide to name her?” Janus asked, looking down in awe at the cooing infant in his arms.

Patton took a deep breath. “Rhiannon.”

Virgil grinned as the baby gripped his finger. “I love it. That’s a perfect name.”

Roman patted Patton’s shoulder. “Get some rest while you can. We’ll watch over her for a while.” 

A chorus of agreements sounded throughout the room, and Patton found himself feeling so safe and loved that falling asleep was as easy as taking a breath and letting it out.

-

Logan bounced Rhiannon around the group gently, holding her exactly as Patton had shown him. 

“Logan,” Janus said.

“Logan,” Roman repeated.

“Logan!” Virgil said.

Logan looked over. 

“She’s not fussing anymore, silly. Come set her down and lay with us,” Patton instructed. 

Logan set the baby down between Virgil and Patton, then spread himself out on the picnic blanket between Virgil and Thomas. 

“That one looks like a duck,” Patton said softly, pointing to a cloud.

“Yeah,” Janus said. “Yeah, it does.”

Final Note

Wow! I'm so proud of this one, guys! Longest fic I've ever finished!!! I hope you really enjoyed, please tell me what you think! Remember you can find @creative-lampd-liberties's art here [link to art post]! Thank you so much to the mods of @tss-storytime! And thank you to you, yes you, for reading!

#tssstorytimesubmission2023 #sanders sides #roman sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #character thomas #remy sleep #remy sanders #dr emile picani #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #ghostie writes #mind the warnings in part 1

[beauty-and-passion]

FSS3: Season 2 finale - Part 1

Welcome, everyone, to the unofficial season 2 finale.

First I will post the four parts of my take on the season 2 finale of Sanders Sides, then all the episodes of season 3.

Updates every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

HERE is the explanation of the project

HERE is the introductory post

HERE the AO3 link to read this part (every part will be available both here and on AO3)

As said in the introductory post, Fanders Sides Season 3 (season 2 finale included) could have triggering themes/scenes. Please keep that in mind before reading.

And now, finally, let's start.

_______________________________

This episode serves as a recap of the situation until now.

Thomas and Nico are on a date and we get to know Nico a little more: he studied art and literature. He wants to be a songwriter and a few singers already commissioned him some songs, but he’s still not gaining enough money to leave his current job. So, he keeps working as a bartender and he usually picks the night shifts, because the salary is better. Also, he’s kind of a night owl, so he doesn’t mind staying up late.

Thomas comes back home, still giggly and excited about the date. Everything was perfect, everything was amazing, Nico is amazing.

Roman approves and revels in the beautiful feeling of love. He looks completely satisfied and relaxed, even if his expression still shows an underlying tension.

Logan is happy too. Nico seems nice, but they are still wasting too much time in basic discussions about themselves: they should talk more about art and literature, since Nico is an expert in this field. They can compare their favorite writers, talk about their favorite singers and discuss the different musical genres.

Roman doesn’t care about the topic of their conversations: they can talk about everything they want, they can even talk about grocery lists and it would still be wonderful and perfect.

Patton is happy for Roman and admits that yes, Nico really seems like a nice guy. It’s good Thomas found love, he makes his old dad proud!

Virgil gives a sarcastic remark: jeez, thanks Patton for giving your approval, now we can keep seeing him. But we’ll do it anyway, because Nico seems a very cool guy.

Thomas agrees: Nico is great, isn’t he?

All Sides give their approval, except for Janus, who just stays in a corner, minding his own business. Thomas notices it and asks him what he thinks about Nico.

Janus replies that he’s not interested in Thomas’ mushy, romantic feelings. They are not his area of expertise.

(Both Roman and Virgil give him a dirty look.)

However, adds Janus, since it looks like this guy makes Thomas happy, he is happy as well.

Thomas confirms he’s very happy indeed and tells his Sides there will be another date tomorrow. He is over the moon, he can’t believe Nico enjoys his company so much, to ask him for another date!

At the same time, he’s a bit worried: is it okay? Are they truly ready for this? He doesn’t feel… ready. Is he going too fast, maybe?

Roman laughs: too fast? If anything, they’re going too slow! Thomas should’ve already confessed his love and called Nico his boyfriend! But they’re still stuck in the “friends/a little more than friends” stage! Thomas should make his move asap and get Nico before someone else does it.

Yes, Remus confirms, by suddenly appearing and scaring the shit out of everyone (except for Logan, who just rolls his eyes). You better get a move on, Thomas. Just tear his pants apart, then go straight for the d…

You can’t hurry these things, Logan interrupts Remus. Relationships take time to grow, hurrying them would lead to regret and disappointing expectations.

Patton agrees: Thomas needs more time to get to know Nico better. Right now, he cares for Nico, sure… but he doesn’t love him yet.

Janus confirms that yes, of course Thomas needs more time. He cannot pretend to fully know a guy he met twice.

Roman dismisses their protests: they don’t know what they’re saying and they’re all stupid anyway. They just talked about how cool Nico is and how great this relationship is for Thomas! Of course they should make the next move as soon as possible! But Virgil knows better and he will side with Roman, right?

Virgil takes a moment to look around and bite his nails. Then, under Roman’s expecting gaze, he finally admits that Thomas needs more time.

Roman is shocked: what? Why? Weren’t they both on board with this?

Sure they are, Virgil confirms. But they also need more time.

Roman raises his voice: they did it together, Virgil was the one who pushed Thomas to start this relationship and now he wants Thomas to slow down?! Doesn’t he care about Thomas? Doesn’t he see how happy he is and how happy they both are? Thomas and Nico should be a couple asap! They should be boyfriends now!

Every word makes Virgil feel more and more uneasy. The others notice it and, in the end, it’s Janus who snaps first by asking Roman a simple question: do they really know who Nico is?

Sure they know, Roman replies. He’s the cute guy they met in the mall, he’s a poet, a songwriter, an artist and a beautiful soul.

And what does this “beautiful soul” really want? Janus asks. Are they really sure Nico wants Thomas for who he is? What if he wants to exploit Thomas’ fame for himself? What if his kindness is just a façade and all Nico wants is to use Thomas to pursue his career? He admitted he’s not making enough money with his songs: but if he finds a guy with a stable fanbase and enough money, he can drop the job he doesn’t like and let Thomas pay everything for him.

Roman protests: Nico is not like that! He didn’t even know Thomas was an influencer! Heck, he had absolutely no idea of who he was, before Thomas himself told him today! It’s pretty clear he doesn’t like him for his fame!

Janus crosses his arms: so you think it’s pretty normal that a normal guy accepts a date from the weirdo who admitted he spent hours spying on him and his backpack?

It was to check if he was gay as well!, Roman protests. Thomas wasn’t “spying” on him!

So it wasn’t weird? Janus retorts. A guy approaches you, tells you he was checking if you’re gay and you think he’s good enough for a date? Would Thomas have done the same? Of course not. But what if it was a famous influencer who stalked him and asked for a date? Now that guy doesn’t seem such a weirdo as before, right?

Not good in both cases, Logan replies. You cannot trust random people, whether they are strangers or influencers.

So, Janus continues with a thankful nod towards Logan, since this is common knowledge and Nico looks clever enough to know that, then there should be another reason why he thought it was okay to accept Thomas’ request: he knew who Thomas was and wanted to exploit the situation.

Roman protests again: Nico accepted Thomas because he was touched by his purity and honesty. By openly admitting what he was doing, Thomas proved he was good and kind. And since Nico is good and kind too, he agreed to go on a date with him. His honesty attracted Nico, not his money or fame. And Janus would know too, if he had any idea of what honesty is.

Patton intervenes because he notices the rising tension and admits that, hey, they both have a point. Sure, Nico seems trustworthy and kind and nice… but they also do not know him well enough to be sure. And even if he feels it’s okay to trust Nico, he wants everyone to feel the same. And Thomas should think about it too.

Thomas agrees with Patton: he should take his time, until every part of him feels more at ease with the idea of pushing things further with Nico. He should learn more about him, to know where his heart is. And Nico should prove to him that he likes Thomas for who he is and not for his fame or money.

Patton nods: he’s very proud of Thomas’ decision. He’s really growing up and becoming a mature boy!

Janus agrees too: Thomas should keep his guard up and not blindly trust everyone.

Logan agrees: a longer relationship will only strengthen their bond.

Virgil approves too: spending more time developing their relationship will make Virgil feel more at ease and ready for when it will be time to push things further.

Remus shrugs and leaves, without a single care.

Roman, on the other hand, doesn’t say anything. He just balls his hands into fists, before sinking with a furious expression.

_______________________________

END CARD

Virgil and Roman are discussing and Roman accuses Virgil of not siding up with him. Three Sides were against him, but if Virgil sided up with him and his stupid brother, they would’ve reached a tie. But he chose to take these traitors’ side instead!

Virgil justifies himself: it’s not that he doesn’t want to push things further with Nico, but all things need time and he’s the first who needs more time. He still is 100% on Roman’s side, he just asks for a little more time. That’s all.

Roman is still angry and leaves, to sink into his room. We see a study, part of a table filled with documents/scripts/books.

Roman hides his face between his hands. For a moment, it looks like he will start to cry: the moment after, he stands up angrier than before and, with a frustrated scream, throws everything that is on his desk on the floor. He even picks up a book and angrily throws it against a mirror.

The broken mirror echoes in his ears, his reflection shows an orange hue in his eyes. Roman snaps out of his fury: he looks around, while a disembodied voice softly snickers in his ears.

Roman yells to “go away” and “leave him alone”, until the snickering stops and he’s alone again, in his trashed studio.

_______________________________

AUTHOR’S NOTE

As said in the beginning, this episode serves as a recap, because it’s been YEARS since the last canonical episode and people have all the reasons to forget what the fuck happened. So we will reintroduce Nico and raise the conflict between the Sides once again. Too many useless things happened in the meantime, we need them to rebuild the tension.

In addition to that, I wanted to reintroduce the trademark element of Sanders Sides, which is Thomas standing in his living room and talking about an issue with his Sides. Not all episodes have to be huge and complicated after all, especially this one which is just part 1 of 4.

However, along with the trademark element, I also added a new element, which is the private conversations between Sides, in which we can expand on them, their conflicts and their ideas.

And yes, I added one first little orangey hint, because it was time to give something more than just orange eyes. Consider this an additional element of tension. This is a finale, after all.

( Support me on Ko-fi )

_______________________________

TAGLIST:

@royalprinceroman @reesiereads @mudpuddlenl@allmycrushesaredead @aquatedia@whatishappeningrightnow  @effortiswhatmatters @bella-in-a-bag  @doydoune @forever-third-wheeling​ @payte​ @hypnossanders​  @idontreallyknow24​  @imcrushedbyarainbowoffical​ @patton-cake​  @hereissananxiousmess​  @purplebronzeandblue​  @cynicalandsarcastic​ ​@lost-in-thought-20​ @andtheyreonfire​ 

@riseofthewerewolf​ @rosesandlove44​​  @chewy-rubies @groaaaaan​ @arya-skywalker​  @csi-baker-street-babes​ @queen-of-all-things-snuggly

@dracayd-universe​ @starlightnyx​ @stubbornness-and-spite​ @averykedavra @joyrose-fandomer @mihaela-tbg @igonnatalknothing​

@thatoneloudowl​  @grayson-22  @softangryfuckingdepressed @theotherella  @boopypastaissalty @nevenastark @varthandiveturinn @roses-bubbles @cuter-on-the-inside  @coldbookworm  @snixxxsmythe​ @charmingcritter  @analogical-mess @emphasis-on-the-oopsie @selfdestructivecat @yangwalkerao3

#sanders sides #fanders sides season 3 #fss3 #thomas sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #orange side

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

So I've been thinking about dark side Logan.

It's a trope that was used a lot, Logan that decides "Fuck it, I'm sick of nobody listening to me", and leaves to join the dark sides. It makes for a cool story, and it's a nice exploration, but I don't think a canon dark side Logan would be like that.

Because this version of the trope goes at it with the idea that a side can chose to be a dark (or light) side, which... I don't think they can. They can wish to become a light side, they can wish to become a dark side, but there are no internal switch. The thing with dark/light is that these appellations were made up by Roman, and in the end there are no real differences between a light and a dark side.

Well, besides one. A dark side is a side of him Thomas doesn't like, a side he doesn't want to listen to.

Logan is not listened to. And he does not like it, so why would he want to join the sides who have to use tricks to be listened to?

But it's not the sides who decide. It's Thomas.

And right now, Thomas is not listening much to Logan.

Let's say, due to frustration, maybe orange's influence, and a growing denial of his own feelings, Logan snapped one day. He tells to everyone the negative things he thinks of each, but not in a angry shouty way, no, in a cold, emotionless way ("emotionless". you can hear him talks faster as he goes on, see him piercing each new targets with his eyes. but it's not enough for Thomas, also upset, to notice). He is being particularly "I'm better than everyone here", is hitting where it hurts. Thomas calls him out, but it only angers him more, so he starts saying things that he doesn't even think, just to hurt. Patton and Janus try to stop Logan, but he only gets more upset at Janus. Thomas yells at Logan to stop this, and at this point, Logan's mind is too fogged by his anger to act rationally. He says that if Thomas complains, well too bad, because he's just telling facts. He is logic, he doesn't have feelings, and he tried to sugarcoat his thoughts for way too long. Thomas is at a critical point, he has to do something, and this something is dropping the act and give Thomas true logic, true facts.

"Well maybe I don't want that!"

"What?"

"Maybe I don't want your 'true logic' if that's what you do!"

"Thomas..." Janus tries in vain to calm him down. He's not even heard.

"Surely you're kidding. What would you do without me?"

"Well, if you think that logic means being cruel and hurting the people I care about, I don't want it!"

There's a moment of silence, as what Thomas just said sinks in. Neither he or Logan calms down, but a shadow of understanding crosses over Logan's face.

"I see. So you don't want me, then?"

"If you're like this, yes."

"But you need me."

"Sometimes, like sometimes I need to lie. But I don't have to listen to what you think is right!"

"Say it then."

".... leave. I don't want to hear from you anymore."

Patton starts telling Logan's name, he can fix this, but Logan is already gone. Thomas blinks in surprise.

"Oh you fucked up," informs Virgil.

It's not the side who chose if he's dark or light. It's Thomas.

anyway i think Logan's dramatic dark side outfit should be reminiscing of a butler. servant who comes only when called to do something to help the master, whose opinions and feelings are put asides, and honestly it works better for them if they don't have any so they can serve better. And despite that, they are oh so important, because they take care of everything. They are an important role above all else, and the fact they're individuals come way, way after.

EDIT: there's art now. made by @thereibi-art

#sanders sides #logan sanders #ts logan #i accidentally wrote a fic at the end. again. #anyway please people join me on this angst train #thomas sanders #dark side logan

[tommy-cash-subs]

Tommy Cash | In Conversation

NSFW/Triggers: Yes. Mentions of sex, stripping and unsafe show stunts. Smoking. Mention of horror producers.

Author: NME

Date: 15th of February, 2019

Language: English

Tommy: And I literally lit the cigarette and she was smoking through her private parts. And that changed my world.

INT: Okay, so you're watching NME and we are here with the man, Tommy Cash.

Tommy: Tommy, hey.

INT: Welcome, sir, I mean you literally landed about a few hours ago.

Tommy: Yes.

INT: From Estonia.

Tommy: Yes.

INT: That's right. And you came straight here, where you've been, ah. But, can you describe the NME cover to... [mumbles]

Tommy: Um... I don't know, we're just doing my cold things, you know?

INT: Doing your cold things. [laughs]

Tommy: Yeah, just being me.

INT: So we got the cross the correct way up, but I mean you know, it's sweet, we saw flips at it at one point.

Tommy: Yeah. Yeah.

INT: Did you...

Tommy: I mean, we can go, go another way.

INT: [Laughs]

Tommy: Whatever, yeah.

INT: Did you might turn any [?]- any spirits, any poltergeists or anything pop up doing shoots?

Tommy: No! No, not really.

INT: Okay.

Tommy: Yeah, I hold everything away.

INT: [Laughs]

Tommy: I never seen any ghosts in my life.

INT: Not me neither, but yeah, I still like to believe.

Tommy: Yeah, but I'm sure there's some, some stuff going on.

INT: You wouldn't come back in homes if you came back as a ghost?

Tommy: Argh, everyone.

INT: [Laughs]

Tommy: I mean- like, some important people, I think. I would try to inspire some artists to do some stuff I would like them to do though, you know?

INT: Okay.

Tommy: Like, I believe in like, signs and weird stuff. If something happens, then "oh it's a sign", you know, like? I feel like I should go like "this".

INT: Oh okay.

Tommy: Yeah.

INT: So possible, you're being haunted by the ghosts.

Tommy: Absolutely, absolutely, yeah. Ghost of Jim Morrison, I... Okay, ghost of JJJ, Janus, Jim and Jimmy.

INT and Tommy: [Laugh]

Tommy: There's like whole-

INT: When you're asleep, really [?]

Tommy: Yeah, yeah.

INT: So alright. What was Jim Morrison proton used for, is that where this music comes from, the other, yeah?

Tommy: Yeah, definitely. I, I just read his book in two days.

INT: Wow.

Tommy: Yeah, like. I love him. He been my role model for a long time.

INT: Now, these two died at 27, you're 26 now?

Tommy: No, i'm 27.

INT: Oh my god. You, you want to be really careful this year.

Tommy: I know. I actually was thinking about it a couple days ago that it's ah, it's yeah. It's, it's very dangerous, tempting, and uh, you know?

INT: [Laughs]

Tommy: You know? 'Cause it's a, it's a, yeah, you know? They're like, "this is the year". This is the year, but ah... Yeah. If, if I would die this year, it would be like, you know, like, just making everything known to anyone, everyone, you know?

INT: Yeah. I think you can do that without, you know, "leaving" us, so, but as a princible, you get to get to be correct.

Tommy: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's the... Yeah, that's the easy way, I, yeah...

INT: I'll not know though, so you, you put out your debut album last year.

Tommy: Yes.

INT: It's really kind of gathering, ground people kind of getting into it.

Tommy: Yeah.

INT: It's... ah. Can you describe the world of Tommy Cash, though? It's a world that includes art, fashion, uh, imagery, uhm, money-

Tommy: Horses.

INT: Horses?

Tommy: Yeah.

INT: Sometimes though, explain the horses if we cannot...

Tommy: Yeah. Yeah, Tommy Cash world, uhm... it's not a easy world, though. It's not a normal world. I mean, we, we love to get twisty, get more into stuff, explore, try to break the walls and you know? Build something new.

INT: Definitely. I was into these... that you kind of said you're not a mainstream artist, you're pointedly not a mainstream artist.

Tommy: Yes.

INT: So who are you for? You for outsiders, are you... anyone who's interested...?

Tommy: Yo, yeah, I'm definitely for the outsiders, I mean uhh... I'll- yeah. Argh, yeah, outsiders, yeah, like. Weird kids. The art people, you know? Fashion people. Actually, you know? I'm for everyone and for no-one.

INT: [Laughs]

Tommy: In the end, I'm just for myself.

INT: So what happens if you accidentally have a big hit single and then all of a sudden you get kind of like, you know...

Tommy: Arrrh, you know? This is kind of sucks because, yeah I feel like very, very bad for artists who had their big song and everything else is not like, everyone is like, "yeah oh, you had this song, where is the same song?", and I'm pretty happy that I haven't had that yet, so I can kind of grow as a artist.

INT: It's best said over here, you are fairly unique proposition, as Estonian rapper, singer, of...

Tommy: Yeah, yeah.

INT: Well, there is a big scene over there?

Tommy: ... No. No.

INT: [Laughs]

Tommy: And... and then, yeah I've never been kind of tied to where I'm from, you know? I've been, like, the isolated kid and this is what made me kind of my own world

INT: So did you grow up kind of dreaming about, I mean, America? There's a trap influence to your music a lot of it, which is a big American-

Tommy: Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Like some American culture is... we're all inspired by American culture in trap, yeah.

INT: But I did read somewhere that you were getting kind of sick of trap, you thought...

Tommy: Yeah.

INT: You go in and out of it.

Tommy: In and out. In and out.

INT: Pheuw [Laughs] What's the next thing, then?

Tommy: Yo, no! Ah, you know, like... You know like, trap? There's like trap and there's still like hip-hop, you know? I'm very into, like, listening to old stuff right now, like Wu-Tang and Nas O-Matic. I kind of love that energy. But I still love trap, you know? This is what made me. I'm very, like- with a very hardcore like- like, ah- arh, with a hip-hop background, so... uhm eah, I still like hip-hop.

INT: It's great. A lot of people, especially with this hood on, a lot of people be thinking I know that face from somewhere.

Tommy: What?

INT: The, your video which was hugely viral uh... for a reason.

Tommy: Which one?

INT: [Spreads his legs and rocks them]

Tommy: Ahhh, ahhh.

INT: [Laughs]

Tommy: I thought you will say I'm a famous crimelord.

INT and Tommy: [Laugh]

INT: Did that video get you in any trouble? It certainly got you noticed.

Tommy: No. No.

INT: ... No?

Tommy: ... No. [Laughs shyly and smiles]

INT: [Laughs] Can you sa- you... I... what... I think... [mumbles] the great thing about art, is? [Asks him what the great thing about art is]

Tommy: I think it was, eh, in the right time when everything with... when... when... everything got everyone into trouble, you know what I'm saying?

INT: Right, oh, okay, yeah, yeah.

Tommy: If it, it would come out like right now... then maybe, I would get into trouble.

INT: Well then, there's nothing funny, I mean, it's just very, it's very shocking, is it? But you know, there's actually nothing...

Tommy: Is it?

INT: There's nothing really- [mumbles] sort of-

Tommy: Yeah! Yeah!

INT: There's actually... [mumbles]

Tommy: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

INT: Can, um. Can you pick a part, how a part of your world is constructed by you, you know? Because I thought that was a lot of people's first experience of-

Tommy: Yeah.

INT: Of you, was, you...

Tommy: You know, I love Tarantino, eh, but... I love Tarantino.

INT: So that your d' Niro thing/scene.

Tommy: I love a lot of Lars von Trier, you know. But I don't think there's anything bad to have some shock in... in your work. Like, this is what I love to see from the artists I love, so. I, I only do that 'cause of me.

INT: And um, you got the show [?] on March 1st? March 1st, yes, in Electric Ballroom.

Tommy: Yes. And actually, I'm on tour, it's not only like one show.

INT: Right, okay.

Tommy: Yeah. So I have like 34 shows, like...

INT: You're not gonna run the UK as well.

Tommy: No, in UK it's only London. I think.

INT: Okay, Um, what can people expect from your live performances?

Tommy: Arh.. You know-

INT: It's not a kind of... [mumbles] you don't just stand there like Liam Gallagher and go in one spot, do ya?

Tommy: No. It's little bit like Ping Pong show.

INT: [Wheezes]

Tommy: Actually, I thought to call this tour like Ping Pong show tour because it's like Ping Pong show kinda has, have like, you know like, 20, 20, 25 different things they do, right?

INT: Oh, okay. Like never... [mumbles]

Tommy: Yeah. Like pulling, pulling, ah... Actually, funny story: Couple days ago, I was at one Ping Pong show and there was like, a lady, arr. She had two cigarettes, then she put two cigarettes into her VGG.

INT: [Wheezes]

Tommy: And I was excited as fuck. Like, this is at a, that was like a strip club, right? It's like a strip club, like that 20-30 people. And like girls dancing on poles and there's like the show and she like, putting like two cigerattes inside her and she had a lighter and they're like "You come! Take the lighter!" and I literally lit the cigarettes and she was smoking through her private parts, and that changed my world!

INT: [Laughs]

Tommy: That! That really, like! Literally, like! This! [Claps] Another thing is like, another lady came out! And she was like! She was extr... they saw me, that I'm like the literally, the happiest person in the club! Because like! You know, like! I think people come like CEO or a freak show, but I'm like, so inspired, you know! Like, they don't do! They don't know that like! This is the, this is is so weird! This is real, there's no CGI! And she takes a, and she took a parrot out. Out of the... out.

INT: A live... parrot.

Tommy: Parrot! [Shouts]

INT: Wow. So how long did the-

Tommy: And it just went on, bam, bam, bam! And I was just sitting there, happy! Happy and inspired!

INT: Where was this.

Tommy: Er... It was in Thai. Thailand.

INT: In Thailand, in Thailand, right.

Tommy: Yeah.

INT: And so you wanna call your [?] after this. What are you going to be producing-

Tommy: Oh- Well, actually, no. Actually, that's the thing. Er, like, I feel every my song is experience, you know. It's not just lie I'm saying just staying with like a microphone singing the tracks. I feel like every song is a weird energy, nothing that you've seen before.

INT: When you look at the crowd, you wanna see people looking back at you in the way you looked at that lady producing that parrot. For myself.

Tommy: Yeah [Softly] Yeah. Yes.

INT: Okay. And actually that's complete, don't try that at home, um, sort of thing.

Tommy: Don't try it! It's crazy 'cause she was smoking in it... it's not like she took a couple of puffs and that's it! She keep, kept on smoking, smoking, smoking till it was the end! [Shouts]

INT: [Wheezes]

Tommy: And in the end! [Shouts] she gave me the cigarettes, and what I did.

INT: You kept it.

Tommy: I kept it, smoke it.

INT: [Wheezes]

Tommy: And everyone was like woooo! [Shouts] and I was like, you know what! You know what! You know, what was crazy. Yeah, so crazy.

INT: Well, I'm not now. Um, thank you very much [wheezes] Tommy Cash.

Tommy: Ping-Pong show tour. Coming soon. [Wheeze] Yes.

#tommy cash #captions #transcription #closed caption #speech to text #estonian music #artist interview #nme #interviews #2019

[littlecloudprince]

The Little Duke

Summary: "Love this:-)♥️ Can I please request secret regressor Remus (0-3) where no one is aware that he does it? Please and thanks 😊" Request by gamblerezra (on AO3), hope I did your request justice! And sorry it took me so long to get it out ^^'

Warnings: Mentions of accidents/bedwetting, auditorial hallucinations, a meltdown scene, brief mention of blood (very, very brief, not graphic at all), skin injury/rash

A/N: …So remember how I said I'd try to be more consistent with my writing? Well, as it turns out, writer's block and executive dysfunction disagreed! I am still updating this tho, so yeah! I promise you guys, I really am trying! Time just goes by so darn fast! But I'm always open for requests!

Remus woke up small and wet. It wasn't unusual, it had been happening for a while now. Usually he just went back to sleep, and dealt with it later, when he was bigger again. He didn't know what it was or why it was happening, but he knew he couldn't go to the others. They'd think he's gross. They wouldn't like it. They wouldn't like him. They'd think he was doing it to annoy or disturb them. But he wasn't! He wasn't doing it on purpose, he didn't even know what it was!

Remus sat up, he didn't want to sleep anymore. But he had to. He was wet, and he couldn't do anything about it like this. But Remus wasn't sleepy! He huffed to himself, not knowing what to do. Why was he like this? He tried to reach out to Thomas, to have him do something, anything that could help. But nothing happened. He tried again, still nothing. He huffed, laying back down. Guess there was no other choice.

Thomas woke up to an unusual feeling. He shifted lightly, before freezing like a deer in headlights. He sat up, heart beating in his chest like a mini drum. He peeled back the covers, his face flushing bright red once they were fully off of him. No. No, he hadn't. There was no way, he couldn't have! He's an adult goddamnit, this just doesn't happen!

"Care to explain why I'm up at—" Virgil grumbled, words drying on his tongue as he processed what was going on.

"I—" Thomas started, feeling so embarrassed that tears were threatening to form in his eyes.

"You wet the bed??" Roman rose up. Thomas could only nod meekly, rapidly trying to blink away the stubborn tears in his eyes.

"I didn't mean to!" he squeaked.

"Aw, kiddo, it's okay! Accidents happen, even to adults! Let's get this cleaned up, okay?" Patton rose up as well. Thomas nodded, taking a few deep breaths and wiping his eyes.

"You— You're right. Sorry," he breathed out.

"Nothing to apologise for hun," Patton soothed.

"Yeah. Sorry. I mean— Y'know."

Right as Thomas got out of bed, it was Logan's turn to rise up.

"First step; strip the bed," he reminded.

"I know, Logan, thank you," Thomas smiled weakly.

"After you're done with that, you're taking a bubble bath," Janus appeared to give his two cents.

"Sure, Jan. Thanks," Thomas attempted to smile again. As he went on about stripping his bed, the Sides all sunk down one by one. No one noticed that one of them hadn't popped up at all.

Back in the Mind Palace, Remus had woken up, only to discover that he was still small. He didn't understand, he was supposed to be back to his big self by now! And he really, really didn't want to sleep anymore! He huffed, deciding to get out of bed. Maybe he could find something to do while he waited? He could just stay in his room all day, it's not like the others would notice anyway. His bed would have to wait, but Remus didn't mind too much, he'd just clean it before going to sleep. Maybe.

Remus looked around his room, trying to find something to do. He wanted to colour! Or draw! But all the art supplies were in Roman's room. Hm. Remus flicked his wrist, attempting to summon himself some crayons and a colouring book, but nothing happened. Remus growled quietly, scratching at his inner thighs. Why were they burning and scratchy? And now Remus' tummy growled, too! There was no way he could sneak in the kitchen without getting caught. They'd yell at him. Usually, he didn't mind, but today, he really didn't want to be yelled at. He just wanted... Well, he didn't even know what he wanted. Remus' tummy felt rotten, and not in the way he liked, either!

"They don't like you," a voice said.

"I know," Remus replied. This wasn't the first time he heard voices, it happened a lot. Usually it didn't bother him, but today was different.

"They'd be better off without you."

"You sound like the Emo," Remus shot back. The voice chuckled coldly.

"You really don't get it, do you?"

"Go 'way."

"You want them. You want them to want you. But they won't. They never will, will they?" the voice taunted.

"Go 'way!" Remus stomped his foot for good measure. He hated the way his bottom lip wobbled, and how his vision blurred as salty tears welled in his eyes. He hated feeling weak.

"They left you. They're not coming back. They have a new family now. Without you."

"No!"

"They don't need you anymore. *He* doesn't need you anymore. He hates you," the voice kept going, mercilessly jabbing at Remus' sensitive spots. Remus saw two strips of colour take form. Yellow and purple. Janus and Virgil. They stared down at the duke, disgust shining in their eyes. They wouldn't speak, only staring menacingly.

"Stop!" Remus closed his eyes and covered his ears, firmly pressing his hands on them in a desperate attempt to silence the voice. He fell on his knees, curling up to be as small as possible.

In the meanwhile, Thomas was trying to work on songwriting, but something kept gnawing at him. He couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. It bothered him. He had gone to the bathroom before going to sleep, like he always did. He hadn't drunk too much water, or anything else for that matter, and his dream wasn't particularly scary. So why had he wet the bed? What was wrong with him?

"You're not making any progress, Thomas," Logan pointed out after rising up.

"I… I know. Sorry. Just…" Thomas trailed off.

"Just?"

"Thinking."

"About what?"

"Just… Ah, you know, nevermind. It doesn't matter," Thomas shook his head a bit.

"If it bothers you, it does matter," Logan stated.

"Is there something wrong with me?" Thomas bit his lip. He looked up from his notebook, but avoided Logan's eyes.

"Why would you think that?"

"I mean…" Thomas didn't finish his sentence. He bit his lip, his gaze wandering uncertainly.

"I just…" his voice wavered, and he swallowed thickly as he felt a lump growing in his throat. He rapidly blinked his eyes, not wanting Logan to see him cry. He didn't even know why his tear ducts were threatening to betray him, there was no reason to cry. It was… illogical. Thomas let out a shaky sigh, hiding his face in his hands.

"Hey…" Logan sat across his host, unsure what to do.

In the Mind Palace, Remus was getting closer and closer to meltdown territory. It was getting harder to breathe, the voice was getting louder, and the burning and itching of his tighs was getting to be unbearable. He hated this. He hated this, he hated this, he hated this! Remus let out a scream, fiercely ripping his pants off before aggressively scratching at his inner thighs. Angry tears burned in his eyes as he reached for the first object he could reach, before throwing it at the general direction of the taunting voice.

"SHUT UP!" Remus shrieked, clawing at his ears for a moment before throwing himself on the ground, shrieking incoherently as his thighs demanded to be scratched again. There was a knock at Remus' door, causing his hands to fly from his thighs right back to his ears as the sound pounded at his eardrums.

"NO!" he screamed, throwing whatever object he could get his hands on toward the door.

"Ow!" Patton yelped, getting hit in the face with an empty deodorant container. He rubbed at the tip of his nose, processing what was happening. He flinched as he realised the state the still shrieking little duke was in.

"Hey…" he entered the room, and sat on the floor, making sure to give Remus some space. He reached out to the red-faced boy, carefully stroking his hand once. When Remus didn't protest, Patton continued, slowly but effectively getting the toddler to calm down.

"There ya go, Dad's here buddy, Dad's gotcha…" he coo'd gently. By now Remus had completely stopped screaming, but silent tears were still running down his face, his anger melting down to sadness. He reached his little hands out, choking back sobs, a quiet whine escaping his throat.

"Aww, you want Dad to pick you up?" Remus didn't answer verbally, instead just clenching his fists in the 'grabby hands' motion. Patton took the cue, and gently picked the boy up. Remus winced as his thighs pressed against the fabric of Patton's clothes. He had scratched them so vigorously that they were now completely raw, dried up blood covering his fingernails.

"You poor thing! Dad thinks you need a bath, hun. And then, once you're all squeaky clean, we'll put some lotion on your thighs so the hurt will go away. That sound good?" Patton murmured softly upon inspecting Remus' thighs closer. The boy nodded, rubbing his eyes, exhausted from his meltdown.

"What got you so itchy in the first place?" the fatherly Side asked. Remus just shrugged, not quite sure himself. Patton looked around, only now noticing the pants on the floor.

"…Oh," he understood now, the lingering smell in the room making more sense. Truthfully, he had not paid much attention to it at first. It was Remus' room, it was subject to strange smells, and generally, it was better to not ask questions. By now the other Sides had learned to tune it out. Now, however, was not the time to dwell on that.

"Well," Patton said, "let's get you cleaned up!"

Some time later, as Patton had finally gotten the freshly-bathed toddler in a pull-up and t-shirt, and the washing machine running, he felt the ever-so-familiar tug of someone, likely Thomas, summoning him. So, Remus on his hip, he sank down.

"Oh! Logan! Did you need me for something?" Patton asked, surprised to see that it hadn't been Thomas who summoned him.

"I…" Logan started, his words drying on his tongue as he processed the fact that Patton was holding what appeared to be a toddler.

"Is that… Is that Remus?"

"Yup!"

"…Why is he a toddler?"

"No clue! So what's up?" Patton asked.

"Right, well, Thomas is experiencing a sort of… emotional crisis, and that's not exactly my area of expertise. I figured you would be able to help," Logan explained, gesturing to the host, still hunched over the desk, hiding behind his hands.

"Huh, okay," Patton frowned a little before walking to Thomas.

"Hey, buddy…" he started, gently laying a hand on his host's back. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing, just…" Thomas trailed off, taking a breath and rubbing his face before turning to look at Patton. His eyes were a little shiny, and he seemed exhausted. His brows furrowed in confusion once his brain registered the toddler Patton was holding.

"Remus," Patton explained.

"…Huh?"

"I don't know either, I just found him like this."

…How small is he?" Logan asked, furrowing his brows as well as he thought.

"Can't be older than two, I don't think. Poor guy had wet the bed, so we had a bit of a bath, and got some lotion on that nasty rash," Patton explained, gently moving Remus' legs a little so the other two could see how red and raw they were.

"Is… Is that why I…" Thomas trailed off, too embarrassed to say it outloud.

"Of course!" Logan suddenly explained, smacking his forehead as the realisation dawned on him.

"Remus' regression must've had a side effect in affecting you, Thomas!"

"A *Side* effect? Eh?" Patton grinned.

"…Yes? I'm not sure what you're implying here, Patton."

"It's- It's a pun, just ignore it," Thomas shook his head a bit.

"…Anyway, we can't leave a two-year-old on his own. I trust you'd be willing to care for him until we figure out a way to get him back to his adult self, Patton?" Logan said, raising his eyebrow slightly.

"Oh! Uh… Of course!" Patton tried his best to conceal his surprise, quickly regaining his composure and giving Logan a grin. Taking care of Remus couldn't be *that* hard!

Right?

#agere sanders sides #ts agere #logan sanders #ts logan #agere remus #sfw agere #cg patton #ts remus #ts patton #ts thomas #thomas sanders #sanders sides #remus sanders #patton sanders #autistic sides

[edupunkn00b]

The Uses of Adversity, Ch. 18: Under the Greenwood Tree

Prev - Under the Greenwood Tree - Next - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

Janus and Remus meet Logan's boys. WC: 2260 - Rated: T - CW: swearing, mild innuendo, hidden angst (if you know, you know) - and a whole lotta fluff -

“Okay, then it’s a left at the intersection,” Roman said from the backseat.

Janus leaned over the steering wheel, frowning at the faint white line a hundred yards ahead. That’s an intersection? “Right here? You’re sure? The GPS says to go further up,” Janus asked but still flicked the turn signal.

Roman laughed, “Lo had to give me real directions the first time I visited. Google hasn’t caught up with the street change by the park. You’ll hit a dead end if you don’t turn here.”

“Mmm, Ro's got the inside track!" he grinned at Janus. "It sounds like he could drive here in his sleep.” Re turned and waggled his eyebrows. “Do you sneak out after curfew to see your boyfriend?”

“Lo’s not the only reason I come to Kirkland,” he muttered. “And he's not my—”

Re cackled as Janus shifted gears and cut the engine. “Maybe he’s just the only reason you come in—”

“Re, I swear to god if you say shit like that in front of his kids, I’ll—”

“Down, boy,” Janus purred, patting Roman’s knee as he leaned over and kissed Re’s cheek, leaving it ambiguous which of the twins he was chastising.

“Aw, Ro Bro, you know I’ll keep my teasing positively G-rated in front of the little mini-Logans.” He tried but with Janus’ hand on his cheek, he couldn’t quite manage to put on a pout. “Fuck, what do you take me for?”

“My beloved brother who has zero filter and even less experience with children.”

“Hardly my fault,” he rolled his eyes, grinning. “Besides, they’re kids. It’d go right over their…” His voice faded at Janus’ little chuckle and he shook his head. “No?”

“Patton is thirteen, Muse,” Janus laughed, lifting his hand for a kiss. “You remember being thirteen.”

“And Remy is about to be married,” Roman said, tapping out a message on his phone. “And all of them are as sharp as their dad. They could teach you a thing or two.”

“Fuck, I hope not,” Re chuckled. He raised both hands at Roman’s scowl. “Okay, okay, I promise. I’ll challenge my assumptions,” he grinned. “I’ll be good.”

“We all will be,” Janus murmured. He popped the trunk, then stepped out of the car. They’d parked a few hundred yards from the big castle-shaped playground. Off in the distance, Logan sat on a blanket under a big, shady tree. He happened to look up and Roman waved with both arms.

He might’ve poked a little fun at his brother-in-law’s oh-so-cool demeanor, but Logan stood and waved back just as excitedly. Janus grinned, shaking his head. Dorks. He winked at Re and laughed. “Remy’s the same age I was when we met, Muse.” Nodding to Roman, he pulled out a cooler of drinks and passed it to Roman.

“Ugh, don’t say that,” Re laughed. “You make us sound so old.”

“Don’t worry, my dear,” Janus murmured, hefting another tote bag from the car before closing the trunk. “You two will be the third youngest adults in attendance.”

~

“You’ve found such a gorgeous spot here!” Remus’ hands twitched at his sides as he took in the trees and flowers edged along the big grassy field. Sunlight dappled through the leaves, dancing over the grass. A giant playground bursting in primary colors, complete with a castle-shaped tower and big, winding slides filled the center of the park. Janus could practically hear his husband’s thoughts, planning out what to sketch first.

The art supplies he’d snuck into the big tote would certainly come in handy today.

“The park’s remarkably quiet for such a nice day,” Janus added. He’d been privately bracing himself for a loud, chaotic park with dozens of children running about and screaming. But this was… this was pleasant.

“There are no sports fields here,” Logan looked around, smiling at Roman as he set down the cooler. “No soccer, no softball. The parks with the fields get swarmed during Little League season leaving this one…” He chuckled and gestured to where Patton and… Janus guessed the young man with pink hair must be Emile had teamed up against Virgil and Remy. “It leaves this park nice and peaceful.”

“It’s truly beautiful here, Lo,” Roman smiled, stepping closer. “No enemies but winter and rough weather,” he sang quietly.

Logan laughed, reaching up and presenting the leafy, forked branches overhead. “It’s an oak tree, not a greenwood, but come hither!”

“Ro!” Patton shouted and barreled into Roman, knocking him closer to Logan and wrapping his arms around both of them. “You’re just in time for the next battle!” The other three soon followed, granted, at a more measured pace.

To his credit, Logan managed to keep his footing despite the energetic greeting, and held on to both Roman and his son to keep them steady. Janus wouldn’t put big money on it, but he swore he saw the kid smile up at each of them when he did. Sneaky little thing.

“Before you run off, I’d like you to meet my friends,” Logan said, ruffling his sunny blond hair. The boy nodded and, one arm still wrapped around Roman, reached with the other to shake. “This is Janus, and his husband Remus,” he smiled.

“Hello,” Patton smiled. “It’s nice to meet you,” he said, mostly addressing their shoes. 

“Hello,” Janus said, laughing. “You must be Remy,” he said, winking when Patton looked up, stifling a giggle. He gently clasped his hand with both of his own and shook vigorously. “Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.”

At that, Patton broke, laughing. “I’m Patton! He’s Remy!” he pointed at the young man with a bright pink streak through his nearly black hair. “And Emile’s going to be his husband.” He laughed again. “And Virgil’s hiding behind them.”

“I’m not hiding, Pat,” Virgil huffed, tugging the cuffs on his hoodie. “Hi,” he said, reaching first for Remus’ hand, then Janus’. “It’s nice to meet you both.”

“Virge is the one I was telling you about, the new sound director at Nate’s place up in Bellingham?” Roman cut in, his proud grin only outdone by Logan’s. With the two of them standing next to each other, each of them still with their arms loosely wrapped around the other, Roman looked and sounded like he was talking about his own kid.

Remus caught Janus’ eye and smiled. He saw it, too.

“It’s just a title,” Virgil demurred, shaking his head.

“What?” Emile bumped his shoulder, smiling. “You mean we’re not going to get the Sound Director from Bellingham Blue’s for our wedding?”

“No, of course, I—” His nervousness cracked under the exaggerated puppy dog eyes his older brother and future brother-in-law gave him and he grinned. “Well—I—”

“Brothers, am I right?” Remus murmured with a little grin, reaching out to shake Emile’s, then Remy’s hands. Then he turned to Patton. “What is this about a battle?” He looked down at the toy lightsaber hooked on his belt. “A duel of the fates, perhaps?” he grinned and Patton’s face lit up.

“So which one of you’s older?” Patton asked the twins.

“I am,” they said together.

“Perfect! I have my team!” he cried, grabbing Roman and Remus and dragging them over to the remaining lightsabers and Nerf swords strewn across the grass.

“Ha! He picked me first!” Remus laughed, waving over his shoulder as he followed Patton’s lead.

Janus waved back and started to settle on the blanket. “‘Have fun storming the castle!’”

“Oh, I don’t think we’re getting off that easily, Jan,” Logan said with his own laugh.

Remy tilted his head at him and grinned, and Janus’s memory flashed back to Logan in law school. He was the spitting image of his dad from back then. But so much happier. He glanced over at his friend. Logan looked happier now, too.

“So, Ro says you know krav maga…” Remy began. “With you and Emile, I think we have our secret weapons.”

Emile shrugged, “I learned a little at summer camp.”

“Where the hell—sorry,” Janus interrupted himself, grateful his slip wasn’t in front of Patton. Or Roman. “Where did you go to summer camp?”

“Jewish summer camp up north,” he shrugged. “Half the counselors were Israeli. Army service is compulsory there.”

“We’ll have to go easy on them, then,” Janus laughed. “C’mon, Lo.” He tugged Logan’s sleeve. “We’ll psych ‘em out and say we’re the old folks’ team.”

~

An hour later, Janus lay panting on the blanket. “Oh, it’s been too long.” Remy had also tapped out and he passed him a cold soda from the cooler. They sat together in the growing shade and watched the rest of the battle slowly devolve into an impromptu fight choreography session. Remus took great joy in following the exact opposite of each of Roman’s instructions, but they made it work somehow without any bloodshed.

“So… You’re the Janus from Dad’s work I’ve heard about.” Remy kept his voice low and, face turned to where Roman stood close to Logan, slowly working through a pivot, hands linked together on a nerf katana. 

Still, Janus didn’t miss the way Remy watched him from the corner of his eye.

“Why, yes,” Janus murmured with a small smile. “I am. I see my reputation precedes me.” Remy bit his lip in a remarkable imitation of his father and Janus raised an eyebrow. “I see perhaps not all in a good way, though.”

“Oh, no!” Remy shook his head. “Not—not at all, Dad’s told us how awesome you are, I… But you’ve worked with Dad a long time, like…”

“We went to law school together,” he nodded. “And joined Q-Law the same year, right after graduation.”

“It is you.” Remy said it more to himself and Janus sipped his soda, waiting him out. They watched the others play for a long moment. Finally, Remy looked back at him, eyes cautious. “My parents used to fight about you, well…”

“I’m aware how unidirectional those ‘fights’ were,” Janus said quietly and Remy’s eyes lost their guardedness.

“I wasn’t supposed to listen,” he whispered. “But I’d hear them… hear her at night sometimes and I’d go sit by their door. And…”

Janus nodded slowly.

“My mother used to say stuff about Dad cheating with someone named ‘Janice’. I thought… I’d thought Janice was a woman.” Remy winced, looking up like he expected him to be angry. “I shouldn’t’ve assumed.”

“Hm,” he nodded again. “Your dad’s never mentioned that. And I take no offense for a ten year-old’s—”

“Five,” Remy murmured without looking up.

Janus sighed and squeezed his shoulder. “I take no offense,” he repeated. “And it’s more than understandable, given the circumstances,” he added. They both looked up when Logan’s laughter rang out. Patton was holding him, arms pinned at his sides, and he playfully struggled, laughing, while Remus and Roman circled each other, lightsabers drawn and feinting hits with mock seriousness.

“You and your brutish henchman will never get away with kidnapping the King!” Roman cried, his voice carrying over the distance. Said brutish henchman giggled, hiding his laugh against his father's back.

Remus parried and cackled in his best evil villain voice. “It seems we already have!”

“But circumstances change," he nodded, smiling at the joy on their faces. Remy laughed when he noticed Emile holding up his phone, clearly recording. Virgil stood behind him, one hand over his mouth, muffling his own laughter.

Janus reached over and tapped their soda cans together. “They certainly do.”

~

“And did you see the way Virgil broke out of a hold!” Remus buzzed in the passenger seat, turned to talk with both of them as Janus drove back to Capitol Hill. “He was watching you during the first battle and picked that shit right up! And Remy and Emile are just too cute with their pink and black streaks. Oh," he grinned, squeezing his thigh. "We should do that again, Jannie!"

“I don’t believe I can carry off a green streak in court, Muse.”

“Ah, then another tattoo! You can be boring and get it under your sleeve,” he laughed, winking at Roman.

He knew he was being baited, but he played along. “Need I remind you, Muse, that I am the one who needed to convince you to get your first tattoo?”

“Oh, details,” Remus laughed, stroking Janus’ forearm over the pride flag etched into his skin. 

“You really looked like you were hitting it off with Remy, too,” Roman said from the back seat. His phone buzzed and Janus caught his blushy little smile in the rear view mirror when he checked the message.

“Yeah, and Patton was so sweet.” Remus’ voice, still excited, had grown… soft. “I thought he was gonna fall asleep on you, Ro Bro.”

He chuckled. “Wouldn’t’ve been the first time.”

“He’s a good kid,” Janus nodded. “They all are.”

“Yeah," Remus said, nodding. "We should get one.”

“I think they’re out of stock at Target, Muse.”

“I’m serious,” he laughed, reaching over to play with the edges of his hair. He moved his hand away when the light turned green. “We have space.”

“For what it’s worth,” Roman murmured. “I think you two would make good parents.” 

“I don’t know if that’s really how it works,” Janus stalled. Before today he’d never considered children as any part of his life. He’d been a child, but then he’d grown up. He’d expected that to be the extent of his involvement in children outside of any incidental work from his cases.

But Janus would be lying if he said today hadn’t left him imagining otherwise.

“That’s not a ‘no,’” Remus said, turning again to face him, eye wide.

“You’re right, Muse,” Janus smiled back at him. They were at another red light, so he reached for his hand and slowly kissed each knuckle. “It’s definitely not a no.”

-

Under the greenwood tree who loves to lie with me, And turn his merry note unto the sweet bird's throat, Come hither, come hither, come hither: Here shall he see No enemy But winter and rough weather. - As You Like It, Act II Scene 5, Shakespeare

-

taglist: @crossiantgay @emoprincey

#The Uses of Adversity #ts logan #ts roman #ts janus #ts remus #ts virgil #ts patton #ts remy #ts emile #logince #eventually #dukeceit #demus #Logan Sanders #Roman Prince #Janus Prince neé Pater #Remus Prince #Remy Sanders #Virgil Sanders #Patton Croft #:( still‚ I know #Emile Patshke #remile #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #there is a whole lot more logince coming soon #there are just some things that need to happen first

[darksideofthemamon]

1, 13, 65, 66 for fic writer asks!

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

While I've done multi-chaptered fics way back then, I think I do better with one-shots! Or if they're multi-chaptered, they can't be too long.

I think one-shots suit my life more now, I find I prioritize getting my ideas out as quick as I can without having to think too hard or commit long-term.

13. what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

Write your first draft as if you know what you're doing, then go back and edit once you're done!

Also to just put placeholders instead of getting stuck, for example: "[scientific explanation]," he said

Also, not deleting things! Some things can be used later.

65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

Right now, most of my writing is going to my Tolkien OC's, I think I'm excited about writing things that... make sense. Like expound on the characters more, explain plot details, make things that are more plot relevant.

As for my non-creative writing stuff, as in "writing" but not through written medium (storytelling through illustration or comics), it's the same, I think. I just want the actual plot to come out more cus I know I tend to be more art or character-focused.

Like for Janus of Guardia, I made a lot of art and infodumps, but no actual storytelling? I've made prologues and oneshots, but never actually showed the relevant events in the story, and that's something I wanna be able to work on.

66. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

I've never received a negative comment, but if someone was being a hater, I imagine I'd be very liberal with the block button XD I avoid deadlines because I want to be able to work at my own pace, which is why I avoid events and such ^^"

No one's pressuring me to make anything, so if I feel pressured, I'm doing that to myself. In which case, and this goes for illustration too, I step back and remind myself I don't get paid for this. Which doesn't diminish it's value, btw... It's just that, and this is what I learned after a year of wrist injury, it's sometimes not worth it when pushing yourself past the limits might do actual harm that does in fact get in the way of your daily life. I pick my battles, in other words!

Thanks for the ask!!

Send asks from here

#asks meme #radellama

[im-an-anxious-wreck]

My Name Is Logan Sanders-Miller

AO3 link

Summary: Pictures and the occasional story from his mother. That's all Logan had ever had of his father. Just one little photo album, and painful memories confessed to him in the dark, it wasn't much, but it meant everything to him.

His father hadn't wanted Logan. His mother had said that he took one look at Logan and left. Had there really been something so off putting about him that one glance was all it took to drive his father away?

Logan hadn't even done anything. All it took to make his father leave was just him existing apparently.

So, why the hell was he standing outside Sanders' house? Was he seriously going to ask his father why he didn't want Logan? Was he trying to prove himself to Patton, that he really was good enough and that Patton had missed out? Or maybe prove to himself that his father was shitty and that's why he didn't want Logan…

In any matter, Logan wasn't going to turn back now. This was it.

Knock knock

Warnings: cursing, past alcoholism, like five f-words (probably a new record for the minimum in my fics /j)

Universe: a human au

Perspective/main character: Logan

Side/secondary characters: Patton, Janus

Appear: Remus, Roman, Virgil, female oc (Logan's mother), Thomas

Mentioned: Emile Picani

Romantic relationship: established Moceit

Platonic relationships: Logan & everyone

Word Count: 9,277

Link to my collection of TSS fanworks

This is for the @sandersidesbigbang's event

Find the adorable artwork by @badkatart here and the really cute art by @thecrowslullaby here!

Thanks @aplacesofaraway for beta reading!

-

Logan knew he didn't want him, he'd known since he was a little child when he'd asked his mother why he didn't have a father like most of the other children. Logan had been devastated to find out that his father hadn't wanted him, but the question of why… that had haunted him.

Why didn't he want Logan? His mother had said that he took one look at Logan and left. Had there really been something so off putting about him that one glance was all it took to drive his father away?

Had it been Logan's blue eyes? Doubtful since he'd gotten those from his father. Was it his dark hair? It's true that neither of his parents had hair as dark as his, instead, he got his dark locks from his maternal grandmother, but surely it couldn't have been because of such a superficial reason as that.

Logan hadn't even done anything. All it took to make his father leave was just him existing, apparently.

But why? What were his exact thoughts when he left?

There was only one way Logan would be able to know, and that was to ask his father himself.

Logan sighed, mentally shaking himself as he looked up to the house he was now standing in front of.

It was a rather nice house, Logan couldn't help but think, with its blue panel siding and white trim. It was on the large side, had two stories, and yellow shutters. The multicoloured flowers were well tended to and the spacious yard was surrounded by a white picket fence. It looked like the perfect family home.

Logan took a deep breath and opened the wide gate. Closing it behind himself, he walked up the path to the white door.

He clutched the small photo album closer to his chest with his left hand and, curling his right, he raised his fist to knock. It just floated above the wood. He took another deep breath but still hesitated.

Was this it?

Logan quickly knocked twice before he could figuratively get cold feet.

Was he actually about to meet his—

The door swung open before Logan could finish the thought. A man dressed in mostly black, and a bit overdressed for a gentle spring day such as this one with his bowler hat, yellow gloves, and caplet, answered the door.

"Yes?"

Logan opened his mouth to answer but shut it again when no sound came out.

The tall man stared at Logan expectedly, dark brown and light brown —almost yellow— eyes seeming to look into Logan's very core. Which was ridiculous, that wasn't even scientifically possible.

The man looked at Logan for another moment before raising an eyebrow.

"Well? You've been staring at my house for a few minutes now. Can I help you with something, child?"

Logan blinked a few times before his brain finally caught up. "Ah, yes, actually, I believe you can." He pushed his glasses farther up his nose. "I'm looking for… Patton Sanders?"

The man's eyebrow only raised farther at that. "And may I ask why you are looking for him?"

Logan was now hugging the album with both arms. "Ah, so you do know him, which means I have the correct address. Excellent. And yes, you may ask that."

The man continued to stare at Logan —was this going to be a recurring thing?— before sighing softly. "Why are you looking for Patton?"

"Well… I have some… information I would like to—"

Another man, whose face Logan had all but memorized from the album, appeared behind the first man's shoulder.

"Who's at the door, honey?" Patton asked the first man.

"I don't know, the kid's looking for you though."

Patton turned to Logan. "Oh, hello! Can I help you with something, kiddo?"

"Um…" Logan cleared his throat. "I hope so. I have some informa—"

"Papa!" A boy about seven ran up to Patton before announcing, "Remus bit me!"

The first man sighed. "I'll take care of it," He said to Patton before calling into the house, "Remus? Why'd you bite your brother?" He led the boy back into the house where Logan could hear Remus arguing farther into the house.

"Sorry about that. Now, what were you saying, kiddo?"

"Well, my mother is Cindy M—"

A teenager came up behind Patton, his purple hair almost completely covering his eyes. "Yo, Pat, why's the Wi-fi not working?" He tapped something on his phone and frowned.

Patton sent an apologetic look to Logan as he told the teen, "I don't know. Ask your dad, sweetie."

"Okay." He looked up from his phone. "Oh, shit, did I interrupt? Sorry."

"Virgil, lang—"

The teen, Virgil, raised an eyebrow and Logan could really see the resemblance between him and the first man who'd answered the door.

Patton sighed. "I know, I know. I— you're alright, maybe see if your dad needs help with the twins though?"

Virgil glanced at Logan again before nodding. "Yeah, alright. I can ask him about the Wi-fi after we get the twins to stop fighting then." He gave a two-fingered salute before disappearing back into the house.

"I'm so sorry about that, but that's everyone so hopefully we won't get interrupted again. What was that about your mom?"

He didn't belong here. There was no way Logan belonged here with this warm, emotional family. They were obviously tight-knit and it's not like Logan was particularly special or useful. And what did he even expect to find? For this man, his… his… for Patton to welcome Logan with open arms?

If he didn't want Logan as a baby, then why would he ever want him now? Especially after seeing how boring, awkward, and socially inept he was.

What a fool Logan had been.

"Uh… kiddo? Are you selling something? ...You don't have to be nervous. Just tell me your spiel… Do kids these days even know what a spiel is?"

Logan went to take a breath but realised he couldn't, which only made it harder to breathe as he panicked.

"Woah, it's alright! Just take a deep breath. You're okay, just take your time."

Logan did his best to do what Patton instructed, even if only to not waste any more of his time.

"Apologies for the inconvenience, I shall be on my— um, my way now."

"You don't have to leave! You haven't even told me your name or why you were looking for me."

"Er, well… my name is Logan."

"Aww, Logan, what a nice name. That's what I would've named a kid if I'd have gotten to name one."

"I— wait, really?"

"Yes, really!" Patton smiled softly. "So, what was that about your mom… I think you said her name was Cin…dy. Um, s— Cindy who?"

"Cindy Ann Miller."

"Oh… and your name is…"

"Logan Sanders-Miller."

"Oh. Oh, geez."

Logan took a few steps back as Patton stepped out onto the porch. Patton shut the door behind himself and sat down on a white bench.

"So you're… Cindy's your mom?"

"She is my biological mother, yes."

"Wow, I— I almost can't believe she even remembered what my favourite baby name was. It's been… wait, how old are you?"

"Twelve, sir."

"You don't need to call me sir. I mean, you're my… my…” He paused. "Why now though? Why didn't she just— why now?"

Logan blinked in surprise. "Did she not tell you of my existence?"

"No, she didn't. I— I would've been in your life if she had. I promise, Logan."

"Oh, I didn't know that she never… she'd said that you… that you didn't want me."

Tears welled up in Patton's eyes, making guilt stab at Logan's chest.

"That couldn't be further from the truth, Logan. It's true that I most likely wasn't ready for parenthood at that time, but I would've learned. I would've learned from, but also for you. I would've been there for you."

"I… I see. That's…"

Patton wiped his eyes and Logan was once again reminded of how out-of-place he was.

"Should I go?"

Patton looked up in surprise. "What? I— no! I mean, if you have anywhere you need to be, then of course. But…" Patton let out a weird laugh. "Sorry, I'm sure I look a mess right now. It's just… a lot to process. Um… oh, does Cindy know you're here?"

"Yes, she found and gave me your address."

"Okay… yeah, okay. That's good." Patton wiped away the last few tears. "Well, that wasn't a very polite welcome on my part!" Patton attempted to joke. He didn't succeed.

"It was adequate in my opinion. You have been far kinder than necessary and asked why I —seemingly randomly— showed up on your doorstep. You could have told me to leave at any point but you didn't, instead, you listened to everything I had to say."

"Aw, thanks, Logan, but that's really the least I could do. I've… geez, I've missed so much. I really do want to be there for you though, I want to get to know you. As long as that's alright with you and your mom of course."

"I… I believe so. She did give me your address and said I could visit if I wanted to."

"I'm not really sure how to put this, but… do you still want to?" Patton looked at Logan with hesitation and… hope?

"Yes, I still want to."

The reaction was immediate, Patton's face figuratively lighting up. "That's great. I… I really am gonna try, Logan. I promise."

"...You want to try?"

"Yes, I do."

"Oh… well… then I shall try as well."

Patton smiled gently at Logan. "Alright. Sounds good— better than good, in fact!"

"Better than good," Logan echoed.

"Hey, it's a Saturday so I know you won't have school, would you like to come inside and meet everyone?"

"Oh…"

"You don't have to, of course! I don't wanna overwhelm you after all. Just giving you the option."

"Ah, well, if it's alright, perhaps some other time? …If there is another time."

"That's just fine! And of course there'll be another ti— I mean, if you want there to be another time. Sorry, I guess I didn't even consider that you might not… I mean, I completely understand if you resent me and decide at any point that you'd rather not see me anymore."

"Oh, that's… when I said 'if there is another time', I meant if you still wanted to meet again after today."

"Oh, I do as long as you do! Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, technically I can think of a few reasons, but mostly I just didn't want to assume. Not everyone wants a random child in their life."

"Yeah, I suppose, but that's not me." Patton huffed lightly. "If anything I love random children in my life, you're the fourth one so far! My husband, Janus, had a son long before we met, and we both adopted the twins a few years ago."

"Ah, I see. What's one more, then?"

"Exactly! …That didn't quite sound right. I'd still want you in my life even if I didn't have Virgil and my sons. I was just trying to say that I'm not new to children rather suddenly appearing."

"Oh…" Logan's chest twisted with some emotion that he couldn't quite place.

"And besides," Patton continued, "You're not just a random child, you're my random child!"

"But that doesn't— wait, was that a Kung Fu Panda reference?"

Logan couldn't help but feel amazed at how quickly Patton had accepted him. Sure, it might not last long if Logan messed it up —as he did with most things—, but still, Patton hadn't even known Logan for thirty minutes, and was already calling Logan his child.

"Sure was! The twins really like that movie so I know quite a lot of the dialogue."

"Ah, I see."

There was a small lull in the conversation before Patton changed the subject with, "So… would you want to go to the park?"

"...I'm twelve."

"Uh, okay… I don't see what— Oh, I didn't mean on the playground necessarily! There's a nice walking trail, plenty of benches, and even an ice cream stand."

"Mm, that sounds pleasant… I'm allergic to dairy though."

"Oh, sorry, kiddo. 'Fraid you get that from me."

Logan stared at Patton incredulously. "You were going to take me to an ice cream stand, despite being allergic to dairy yourself?"

"...Yes. I— I don't always make the best decisions when it comes to dairy, okay? I mean, my favourite food is mac 'n' cheese."

"You… that's unfortunate."

"Oh, definitely. I don't let it stop me though."

"I have only heard legends of people who eat the food they're allergic to."

"Legends?"

"I… thought it sounded cool. Apologies, I shall refrain from—"

"No, you're fine, Logan! I was just wondering what legends had people eating their allergy in it, that's all."

"Ah, none to my knowledge. The closest I can think of would be the Norse myth in which Balder had a dream that he was going to die, so his mother Frigg made all the plants, trees, and animals promise to never hurt Balder, but she forgot to ask mistletoe. The gods assumed that Balder was invincible and often used him as a target for knife-throwing and archery. One day they were all playing darts, and Loki, having learned from Frigg that Balder wasn't immune to mistletoe, made a dart from the plant and pretended to help guide the blind god Höd's hand. But under Loki's supposed assistance, Höd struck his brother, Balder, piercing his heart and killing him.

"Although Balder wasn't allergic to mistletoe in that case, it was just the only plant that could hurt him, and then Loki was being mischievous, which makes sense as he's the god of mischief." Logan paused, realising that he'd rambled on for longer than he'd intended. "Ah, apologies, that was a rather long story with very little relevance."

"You're fine! I enjoyed listening! It's been quite a while since I heard that story anyway, and I can see how your mind made the connection."

"Oh, okay… well, thank you for listening."

"Of course, Logan. Anytime."

Logan frowned a bit. "We got quite off topic."

Patton laughed. "So we did. But we can continue to get off topic together as we walk the park's walking trail if you want. The trail start is only a few blocks away."

"Alright… have you ever heard about the story where Thor dressed as Freyja to get Mjölnir back?"

"Ooh, that sounds vaguely familiar, but I don't remember most of it. Wanna tell it to me?"

Logan felt himself get even more excited. "Yes, I'd like that."

-

The day had gone so much better than Logan had expected, more than he'd ever dared to hope. Not only did Patton not hate him, but they'd spent most of the afternoon talking. Their conversation had been a bit awkward at times —as Logan's conversations with people other than his mother often were, albeit usually more awkward than it had been with Patton; at least Patton and Logan had some things in common—, but Logan was quite pleased with how the day had gone.

Logan had rather expected to be going home in tears, rather than a small smile he'd found on his face.

After he got home, Logan heated some leftovers for supper and finished the last of his math homework, quite glad that there weren't any bottles from the prior night to clean up —just a beer can that was already in the recycling—, and that his mother hadn't been too hungover to go and work.

Feeling a bit unsure what to do until his mother got home from her evening job, he watched some TV, his conversations with Patton still in the back of his mind.

He especially couldn't stop thinking about when Patton had said that he hadn't known that Logan existed, how his mother had said, on multiple occasions, that his father had taken one look at Logan and left, that he didn't want him.

But Patton did want Logan —or at least thought he did at the moment, he easily might not after getting to know Logan and seeing how worthless he was— and he hadn't known of Logan's existence… and since Logan was quite certain that Patton was telling the truth, that could only mean one thing: his mother had lied.

It meant that his mother had been lying to him for a frighteningly long amount of time.

What felt like both too soon and not soon enough, Logan's mother came home, looking tired as always.

After she grabbed something small to eat, she laid down on the couch, Logan hovering near one of the couch's arms.

"...I saw him today," Logan finally said.

His mother looked up at him. "Saw who? …Your father?"

"Yes, I met him, his husband, Janus, and briefly two out of three of their children. Although the eldest, Virgil, was Janus' son, I assume from a previous relationship, who didn't seem to consider Patton his father."

"Huh, I see. Did it go well?"

"It went… a lot better than expected." Logan felt himself begin to get a little mad. "Especially considering the fact that Patton didn't know of my existence and was actually really nice."

His mother winced. "Oh."

More anger rose in Logan. "Yes. 'Oh'. I— Why didn't you tell Patton that I existed? And why did you tell me that he knew and just didn't want me!?"

"I… don't know."

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Logan was aware that tears were streaming down his cheeks but he couldn't find it in him to wipe them away.

"Logan, sometimes people just… make mistakes. And sometimes they don't realise until it's too late to fix them, at least directly, so they just leave the mistake to fester and it just gets worse over time but they certainly don't want to deal with it now." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "It just got worse, and the longer I waited, the worse I knew it would make everyone feel. So, I just never said anything… not till I finally, finally just bit the bullet and found his address."

She finally stopped staring at the ceiling and looked over at Logan. "I fucked up. I know I did, and I know I should've done it a long time ago, but at least you have your dad now. I know it's my fault that you didn't for so, so long, but you do now. I'm… Logan, I'm really sick, and it took… it took almost dying to realise that I was just trying to keep you to myself, and that's really not fair to you. I'm… I'm so sorry I didn't let you two meet sooner, and it's okay if you don't forgive me for a while, or ever, but I'm trying to fix it now. I'm trying, Logan."

"I—" Logan scrubbed underneath his eyes. "I know, Mom. I know you're trying. It— it really hurt, it hurt not to have him, but you… you did the right thing, and now I do have him. Him and you. That's all I ever wanted…” He paused. "I don't think I can forgive you today… but soon. I just need some time."

Logan's mother smiled softly. "I know, and I understand."

"I'm… I'm glad to have you back, Mom. Yo— you weren't really there for quite a while."

"Yeah, I know, and I am so, so sorry. But I promise that I'm not going to drink again. Your… your dad found me on Facebook earlier while I was at work and we messaged each other, and God bless him, he's actually paying for me to go to therapy with his cousin, Dr. Picani. I'm…" She paused to dab at her eyes with her handkerchief. "I'm gonna get better. I'm gonna get out of this depressive funk and I'm going to fucking stop this stupid alcoholism.

"It's not going to be easy, or linear, but I'm going to do it. I will."

"I know you will. If anyone could do it, it'd be you."

"Thank you for always having my back, little Lo. I don't know what I'd do without you. I— come here, baby." She raised her frail arms up and Logan quickly ducked between them, the both of them wrapping their arms around the other.

After a few moments they pulled away, Logan still kneeling beside his mother. "I… he invited me to come back soon."

"I know."

"I… I want to see him again. I'd like to get to know Patton and his family more."

"Okay, you know I support you either way, baby, so if you want to see him— all of them, then you should spend more time with them."

Logan wasn't sure what to say, so he just asked, "Do you want to watch a movie?"

His mother smiled. "Only if we pop some popcorn."

-

Logan sighed as he looked at Patton and Janus' white door. The parallel between now and the first time that he'd met Patton was making him hesitate, which was only making the moment feel even more familiar.

Logan startled slightly as Janus opened the door.

Janus raised an eyebrow. "Well, now isn't this déjà vu?" He rhetorically asked, the sarcastic tone that his voice usually took ever-present, despite the statement itself holding no actual sarcasm.

"Ah, apologies, I was just…"

"Gathering yourself for a moment?"

"Yes."

"Hmm… well, come in."

"Thank you." Logan went inside and Janus shut the door behind them.

"Logan's here, love," Janus called across the living room and Patton looked up from what he was fixing in the kitchen to across the kitchen bar.

"Hi! You made it!" Patton waved.

A golden retriever mutt came up to Logan, sniffed his pant leg, and began wagging their tail at him, so he patted the dog on the head a few times.

"I did." Logan remembered what his mother had said years ago about how people liked to have their house complimented. "Um, I like how your house's common area is an open plan. It's very… spacious."

"Aww, thanks, Logan. I really like that about our house too." His eyebrows furrowed a bit. "Where's your mom?"

"Ah, yes, she sends her regards and apologies for being absent, but she had to cover for a co-worker at work. It was rather sudden so we didn't have proper time to forewarn you."

"Oh, okay. Well, that's fine! That's too bad that she couldn't come, but I'm glad you're here anyway."

Patton was very generous with his compliments, Logan noted, a bit unsure as to why Patton's praise made him feel so happy. Well, Logan had been idolizing him since he was young, so perhaps it was a bit more obvious than he'd originally thought. He'd been wishing for a father figure since he was little after all.

"And I am glad to be here."

"If you'll excuse me for a moment," Janus said, "I'll go let everyone know you're here."

Janus went upstairs and since Logan wasn't sure what to do, he petted the dog some more.

"Oh! That's Biscuit, by the way!"

"Ah, they're a very good dog."

"Isn't she!"

Janus came down the stairs only a minute later, the twins in tow.

"Oh! It's the Boy Scout!" The twin dressed in a prince costume exclaimed.

"No! He's a zombie," The other twin —his name was Remus, if Logan recalled correctly— tried to correct, pointing his finger at Logan, the black and green sparkly cuff bouncing as he did so.

Janus clicked his tongue. "Remus, what did I tell you about pointing at people?"

Remus sighed deeply. "Not to because it's rude."

"And what do you say, dear?"

"Sorry, Logan."

"It's alright."

"Oh, also maybe don't call people zombies," Janus added.

Logan couldn't help but think what an odd family they were.

"...Are you a zombie?" Remus asked.

"No, I'm not a zombie, or a Boy Scout for that matter."

"Aww," The little prince whined. "Then who are you?"

"Logan."

He snorted. "Okay, smart—"

"Ass!" Remus finished.

"Boys," Patton scolded. "Roman, don't let Remus take the fall for your curse word, and Remus, we don't curse in this house!"

"You said 'fuck' just yesterday, Papa. You know, when you accidentally spilled milk everywhere?"

Patton sighed. "Okay yes, I did. But I shouldn't've said that."

"Also you're an adult, which means that if you wanted to curse, you could," Janus added.

"Yeah," Remus agreed. "Like Virgil, although he's not an adult… wait, why is Virgil allowed to cuss and we're not? We're only like… nine years younger."

"Well, my age minimum for children cursing is lower than your Papa's, so we compromised, and if you don't swear loudly in public, you can curse when you turn fifteen."

"Aww, but that's so far away!"

"Yes, it is."

"Oh, speaking of Virgil, where is he?" Patton asked.

"Still upstairs. He said that he'd be down in a minute."

"Oh, okay!"

"...So who are you really?" Roman asked.

"And don't say 'Logan' again!" Remus added.

"...Logan Sanders-Miller."

"Aww. You did it again."

Janus sighed. "Don't you remember when I told you last night that Patton had a son who was coming over for dinner today?"

The twins shook their heads.

"Did you tell them while they were watching TV?" Patton asked.

"Yes— oh, I see what happened. I always forget that they won't hear me if the TV's on."

"Are you really Papa's son?" Remus asked Logan.

"Um, yes, I am his biological son."

Roman ran into the kitchen where Patton was still cooking. "Papa?"

"Yeah, Ro?"

"Why'd you hide Logan from us?"

"Oh, sweetie, I didn't hide Logan from y'all! His mother had never told me that he'd been born so I had no idea he existed."

"Oh, that's sad… so kinda like how you and Dad didn't know that me and Remus existed until you found us at the adoption place? Well, except that Logan's your bioluh… biological son and me and Remus aren't."

"Yeah, that's exactly right!"

"Remus and I," Janus corrected. "I am trying to teach our sons some semblance of proper grammar after all."

…

Supper went fairly well, it was a bit awkward at times and Logan had a strong feeling that Virgil didn't like him, but the twins' lively conversation soon easily broke up any awkwardness.

"I can help clean up," Logan offered after they'd finished eating.

"Aw, that's okay! I've got it. Besides, you're our guest!"

"Oh, alright…"

"Um, but if you want, you could go watch the twins in the living room. They'll probably get out some toys which is fine, just make sure they don't physically hurt each other. Oh, but if that's too much pressure, I can come watch them, I'm just helping Janus clean up right now."

"That's alright, I can watch them." Logan walked deeper into the living room and around the couch, noticing Virgil scowling at him from the dining table as he went.

Seriously, why did Virgil dislike him so much?

"Logan!" Remus exclaimed as he knocked his plastic dinosaur into Roman's.

"Come play with us!" Roman whacked his pteranodon into Remus' triceratops, which fell out of Remus' hand, causing Roman to cheer.

"Aw, man!" Remus pouted. "Now how am I supposed to defeat the dino rebels!"

Logan sat down on the floor next to the twins. "Hmm, perhaps the Ankylosaurus could help?"

"Oh, yeah! But I'm dead, so you'll have to play him, okay?"

"Alright, I can do that."

"Oh no!" Roman cried dramatically. "Another leader of the Dinosaur Imperial Magistrate —DIM for short— has arisen!"

Logan played with the twins, using the plastic dinosaurs to fight for a minute or two when Virgil came into the living room and sat on the couch, gesturing for Logan to come sit next to him.

After Logan excused himself from the battle, Remus and Roman continuing on in his absence, he got up and perched himself on the edge of the couch.

"Yes?"

"You don't have to play with them, you know,"

"Oh, I know, but I actually enjoy playing with people younger than me."

"I just— I can take care of them by myself." Virgil huffed. "I know that Patton doesn't think that, but I can! I can be responsible!"

"Alright. I've never said otherwise—"

"You can't just come in here and suddenly be a part of this family."

"O… kay? I didn't—"

"I don't know what you think you're doing, just waltzing in here like you've always been here but you haven't! You can't just uproot our family because suddenly you want a dad."

"I understand that I haven't always been here but I really am not trying to uproot anything. I'm not trying to tear your family apart, I just want to earn my place in it."

"And what makes you think you will?!" Virgil exclaimed, his voice dangerously low, but still quiet so as not to let the twins playing on the other side of the living room or the adults in the kitchen overhear.

"I… I don't know," Logan admitted. "When I first met Patton, I didn't even originally come to try and join the family he'd built for himself. I just wanted to know why he hadn't wanted me as a baby, only to find out that my mother had lied and he had no idea I existed. I'm only here trying to earn a place in Patton's life because he's invited me into it."

"I—" Virgil's breaths were shorter than they should have been. "W— well stop trying! Who said you deserve to try! You shouldn't expect so much so soon!" Virgil's voice was steadily rising, so much so that the twins looked up from where they were playing.

"Are you okay, Virgie?" Roman asked.

"Yeah, you seem mad," Remus agreed.

"Everything's fine," Virgil gritted out, "I'm just talking to Logan."

"Okay, just remember Papa's saying: 'you say things bad when you're mad' !"

"Whatever, just go play."

The twins both frowned.

"Um, okay," Remus said, worry still evident in his tone. He looked at Virgil for a moment longer before he hesitantly went back to what seemed to be an odd game that involved both chess and checker pieces.

Logan took a deep breath. Virgil's words struck a little too close to home. "I apologize if it seems like I've been trying to barge in where I do not belong, but if I could ju—"

"Just stop it already. I don't wanna talk about this anymore."

"I— alright."

"I just…" Virgil took some more heavy breaths. "I just don't understand how you can come in here and act like you belong and like everyone's totally chill with that! Patton just met you the other day, there's no way that he could like you already! He's just being polite! And you're too naïve to fuckin' see that.

"No one even wants you here!" Virgil stopped, looking quite surprised at his outburst… at least he did until Logan's vision blurred with unshed tears. Logan couldn't see Virgil's face well enough to tell after that.

Logan stood up. "Well then, I apologize for overstaying my welcome. I can see that I'm not wanted so… so I'll be going then. Goodbye."

"Wait, I didn't mean t—"

"Didn't you though?" Logan snapped as he made his way around the couch and to the front door.

Patton came out of the kitchen, Janus right behind him, and asked, "Oh, Logan, are you leaving so soon?"

Logan opened the door.

"Wait, Logan—"

Logan shut the door behind himself with a bit more force than necessary, just able to hear Virgil faintly say, "Shit, I think I made him cry."

Tears streamed down Logan's face the entire walk home.

-

Logan had never been one to outwardly display his emotions, but he also tried not to just push them down. Which was why he'd felt so utterly embarrassed when he couldn't stop crying the day prior.

It was one thing for Logan to cry in the privacy of his own room, and another thing entirely to cry in front of Patton and his family. Sure, someone might've seen him cry as he was walking home, but that was nothing in comparison to how shameful he felt that Patton had to have seen him like that.

So much for trying to prove that he was good enough. He'd certainly messed that up beyond repair as there was no way that Patton would want him now.

Logan sighed, and forcing himself to get out of bed, he walked to the living room.

Logan's mother looked up from the TV and frowned, using the remote to turn it off.

"Hey, baby. What's wrong? Did something happen last night?"

"...I made a complete fool of myself."

She frowned. "Hmm, well come here. Let's talk it out."

Logan sat next to her. "Okay."

"So? What happened?"

"Well, Virgil said that no one wanted me there, among other things, and I kind of panicked, so I left… but everyone saw that I was crying before I could leave. It… Newton, I was so embarrassed. Still am, actually."

"Oh, honey! I'm so sorry."

Logan sniffed. "He was right though. I did kind of just barge in there and act like I was entitled to Patton and his family."

"Really?" His mother asked skeptically. "Because that doesn't sound like you at all."

"I— well… Virgil informed me that Patton didn't actually want me there, that he was just being polite and I was too naïve to see that," Logan spat as tears began to well up in his eyes.

"Hmm, okay. I don't know what Virgil's problem is, but I just really don't think any of that's true. I've been messaging your dad a bit ever since you met him. He seemed nothing but excited that you were in his life… well, and guilty for not being there for you sooner, but I've already told him that it's not his fault. I was the one to keep it from him after all…

"Anyway, point is, your dad absolutely wants you there. I think you'd know if he was just being nice. If there's two things I remember about him from college, it's how kind he was and how his passive aggression was not super veiled. I really do think that he cares about you, and while I don't know why Virgil said all those things, I think you should talk to the both them about it. Maybe it's not as bad as you think."

A few tears rolled down Logan's cheeks. "...Are you sure?"

His mother patted his shoulder. "Quite sure."

"Okay… when do you think I sh—"

There were a few light knocks on the front door, making Logan startle as he quickly tried to wipe away the few fallen tears.

Logan's mother got up and answered the door. "Hello, what can I do for you two?"

Logan couldn't hear what the other people had said, but his mother quickly ushered Patton and Virgil in with a, "Please, come in. I'm sure there's much to talk about."

Logan was just about to stand up and hide in his room when Patton said, "Wait, Logan. This'll only take a minute, but there's something that Virgil wanted to say."

Logan hesitated and almost left anyway, but Virgil seemed so genuinely worried that Logan stayed.

"Alright. Just for a minute."

"Okay…" Virgil nodded, still looking extremely nervous but almost a bit relieved. He stood in front of the couch, still keeping some distance so as to not crowd Logan.

Patton and Logan's mother went into the kitchen, most likely to make some tea, and Patton gave Logan a brief reassuring smile.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for snapping at you yesterday," Virgil began. "I didn't mean anything I said, especially that no one wanted you there… you don't have to earn your place in this family by the way. This doesn't make it right, but I was jealous because I thought that Patton liked you more than me. But that's not true, he doesn't play favourites like that."

"...Oh. I see."

"I'm afraid that I was kinda projecting my feelings of inadequacy onto you, like, everything I said to you was what I was feeling towards Pat. Um, but he and I had an entire conversation about it and I'm doing a lot better now, but still, I'm really sorry you had to get caught up in all that shit. In all of my shit."

"I… did not enjoy it, that's for sure, but as long as you learn from your mistake and try your best not to do it again…"

"I promise. From now on if I have a problem with someone, I'll talk to them about it instead of snapping at someone else."

"Good. In that case, I forgive you."

Virgil's shoulders slumped in relief. "Okay, thanks, Logan."

"You're welcome, Virgil. And thank you for apologising."

"No problem, it's the least I could do after I was so mean to you." Virgil shifted on his feet. There was a pause before he asked, "Hey, wanna go see what our parents are talking about in the kitchen?"

"Sure."

Logan's mother laughed at something Patton had said as Logan and Virgil walked into the kitchen.

"Oh, hey, kids. You get everything sorted out?" Patton asked, a bit pointedly at Virgil.

"Yeah, I apologized and he forgave me."

"Good, I'm glad."

"Um, hey… Pops?" Virgil seemed a bit hesitant with the nickname, and Logan deduced that he must have just started using the fatherly nickname after his emotional conversation with Patton.

Patton seemed to be holding back a beaming smile as he answered, "Yes, Virge?"

"Can we take Logan and his mom out to get burgers for lunch?"

"Oh, that's a great idea! Er, if they're not busy, that is."

Logan's mother hummed. "Well, I don't have work until three, and it's a Saturday, so it's not like Logan has school."

"Great! Do y'all like Sonic?"

Logan felt himself get excited. "Sonic's burgers are superior, especially when you consider the facts that you can get tater tots with it and that they have cherry limeades, as well as root beer. Which are my two favourite drink options."

"You're absolutely right," Virgil agreed. "They really are superior."

"Did you know that the first location opened near Shawnee, Oklahoma and was originally called the Top Hat Drive-In? In 1959 when Troy Smith and his business partner, Charlie Pappe looked into getting it copyrighted, but they discovered that it already was copyrighted. So they named the franchise Sonic, with the slogan 'Service With the Speed of Sound' ."

"Oh, yeah," Virgil agreed. "I think I read an article about that. They named it Sonic because the jets at Tinker Air Force Base in Oklahoma city were breaking the sound barrier, right?"

"Yes, that's correct." Logan couldn't help but give Virgil a small smile, who returned it easily.

Logan had never met someone who liked Sonic anywhere near as much as him, and looked forward to sharing more facts with Virgil.

In the end, Logan had never had so much fun doing something so normal as getting hamburgers. Although he was beginning to suspect that nothing was normal around the Sanders' family… and he was right.

-

Logan loved the science fair, it was one of his favourite things about school, and even if his mother usually had to work a lot, she always made time for Logan's science fair, and this year was no different.

…At least in that aspect, it was no different, it was, however, definitely different in another way, namely, Patton and his whole family came.

Janus and Virgil were each holding the hand of one of the twins who were trying to pull every which way to see everything, bringing up the rear was someone that Logan didn't know, but looked rather like Patton —a brother or cousin, maybe?— in a floral print shirt, and leading the whole procession was Patton, a large tote bag on one shoulder, and a big water bottle in his other hand.

Patton waved, the tote bag almost slipping, but he managed to catch it just in time, laughing at himself a bit. "Hey, Logan! I brought snacks!"

"...To a science fair?"

"Yeah! I thought we might get hungry after."

"Ah, that's true. I hadn't thought of that. Good idea."

"Thank you!" Patton beamed. "Oh! This is my brother, Thomas." Patton gestured with his lips at the person Logan didn't recognize.

"What's up?" Thomas greeted.

"I'm at the science fair."

Thomas snorted. "That's fair."

Logan squinted suspiciously. "Was that a pun?"

"Sure was!"

"...I can certainly see the relation."

Thomas and Patton laughed.

Janus turned to Logan from where he'd been talking to his children. "Ah, before I forget, good luck with your presentation."

"Thank you, Janus."

"You're going to do awesome!" Roman assured.

"Or fall flat on your face," Remus gleefully added.

Logan pursed his lips. "Well, I certainly hope I don't fall on my face."

"Nah," Virgil said. "You won't… probably."

"Confident as ever," Janus teased sarcastically. "Well, we should probably go take our seats, but we wanted to wish you luck first."

"Thank you, I appreciate that."

Janus took the bag and water bottle from Patton.

"It was nice meeting you," Thomas said.

"Nice to meet you as well."

"Break a leg!" Remus said sweetly as they walked towards the seats, and somehow, Logan knew that he only half meant it in the 'perform well' way.

"So, where's your mom?" Patton asked.

"Here! I'm here." Logan's mother smiled nervously as she tried to catch her breath. "Patton, it's, um…"

"Good to see you again, Cindy."

Her shoulders sagged slightly in relief. "Yes. It is."

Patton was about to say something in reply but a woman with a dyed blonde bob haircut walked up to them, an overly fake smile on her face. "Hi! I'm Sheryl."

"Hi, Sheryl, I'm Patton!" Patton shook her hand. "And this is my son, Logan, and his mom, Cindy."

"Aww, don't you two make a cute couple."

Logan sighed a little louder than he meant to.

Patton's smile quickly turned awkward as he explained, "Oh, we're not a couple anymore, but my husband and our other children are here."

"Oh." Sheryl just awkwardly walked off and spotted someone she knew. "Susan! How's the kids?"

Logan mentally groaned. "Apologies. That entire interaction was my fault."

"What?" Patton asked. "Nonsense!"

"You wouldn't even be here if I didn't have a science fair, or had met you… or even existed."

"Oh, hey, no. Logan, that wasn't your fault. And I'm really glad you exist, especially because I got to meet you. She was just being a bit of a jerk—

"Fuckin' asshole," Logan's mother interjected bitterly.

"But it's nothing I couldn't handle, and absolutely not your fault."

"...Okay."

"Okay."

"If she says anything else, let me know." Logan's mother pursed her lips. "I'm on the board, and I can assure you that we don't take too kindly to homophobia. Veiled or not."

"Thanks, I appreciate that. I'll certainly let you know."

Logan's mother checked her watch before she looked between Patton and Logan and nodded to herself. "Well, I'm gonna sit down. It starts in ten minutes but you two should have time."

"Should have time for what?" Patton asked.

"Logan wants to ask you something." She smiled knowingly and walked away.

Logan sighed.

His mother was a bit too perceptive at times.

"What was it you wanted to ask me about?"

"Oh… well, I was just wondering why… why you introduced me as your son. I mean, obviously I'm your biological son but…"

"Oh! I introduced you as my son because you are my son. Ah, but if that makes you uncomforta—"

"No! Er, no. I'm not uncomfortable. I just… am not clear what yo—" Logan cringed at himself. "Nevermind."

"No! Go ahead. What is it?"

"I… I'm not really sure how to explain."

"Oh, hmm, that's tough… maybe I can guess? I kinda think I know where this is going. Oh, but I can totally just give you time if you wanna think it out for yourself."

"No, that's… I'd— I mean, it would probably be easiest if you just said what you thought I'm trying to say."

"Okay. So, what I think you're maybe wondering is what… oh wow, this is hard. Okay, you're my biological son, but you're also just… my son, okay?"

"Oh, I— okay."

"Is that okay?"

"Definitely. I… yes."

"Okay. And um, well, you definitely don't have to… but I'm okay with you know, fatherly nicknames, but again, only if you want! Not trying to rush anything of course, or make you feel like you have to ever even. So… um, so yeah."

Tears began to prick at the corner of Logan's eyes.

He really hadn't expected this to happen when he'd woken up today. He'd of course known that Patton was kind and caring, but to know that he already thought of Logan as his son… that it was okay for Logan to call him father… it was all too much, albeit in a good way.

"Oh! Sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry! You don't have to—"

"No, no. It's alright. These, uh, these are happy tears… Father." Despite Patton having just said it was okay, Logan still warily looked at him to see his reaction.

Patton broke out in a big grin. "Awww! Oh my goodness, abjfshdjsjsjdh!"

"Wh— what?"

"Aah, sorry. I'm just, shvshshsh."

"...Are you having a stroke? The signs are—"

"No, it's okay. I'm not having a stroke. Just so happy I'm at a loss for words!"

"Oh, I see."

"...Can I hug you?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Patton wrapped his arms around Logan. "Thank you for being my son."

Logan buried his face into Patton's shoulder before mumbling, "And thank you for being my father."

Logan was almost late for his presentation due to his happy tears, but he found that it was very, very worth it.

-

Logan hadn't quite been sure what to think when Patton invited him to come along with the other Sanders to the beach. For one, he hated swimming, but also, if there was anything Logan hated more than swimming, it was sand. And that was without even mentioning the ride home in wet swim clothes.

So no, Logan wasn't looking forward to going... but Patton had invited him, and he did enjoy the Sanders' company.

When Patton's sky-blue minivan pulled up, Logan got up from the window seat, grabbed his bag, and, after locking the apartment door behind himself, walked down the stairs and to the van.

Patton rolled down the passenger window and leaned around Janus to say, "Hey, Logan! You got everything you need?"

"Yes, I have sunscreen, a pair of clothes, goggles, a towel, and the key to get back into my apartment."

"Great! Hop in!" Patton pressed a button and the side door slid open.

…

The drive there mostly consisted of the twins asking 'are we there yet' just to annoy everyone; bickering with each other; Virgil, Logan, and Janus trying to stop them from said bickering; and Patton jamming out to oldies as he drove.

Due to the twins' bickering and the fact that Logan had never been out this way to the ocean before, the drive felt longer than it actually was, but soon enough they were all unloading from the van and heading down to the beach.

It was a rather warm June day, and the sun sparkled across the water brightly as it was unhindered by any clouds.

Logan could feel the apprehension building in himself the closer they got to the water, but took a deep breath to try and get it to settle. Patton wanted him to go swimming, so swimming he would go.

After setting up their stuff and putting on sunscreen, they all got in the water. Remus and Roman instantly began racing, Virgil acting as the referee, while Patton and Janus got in the water at a more sedate pace, already wading in up to their knees.

Logan was still standing quite firmly in the sand.

Patton turned around to look at Logan and furrowed his eyebrows. "Logan? What's wrong?"

"I just… am not particularly fond of swimming, that's all." Logan hesitantly walked to where the water lapped at his ankles, feeling a bit silly as Patton was already in to his waist.

"Aww, I'm sorry. We would've picked a different activity if we'd known that."

"No, that's alright. If I really don't want to swim, I can sit in a beach chair."

"Still. We wanna do stuff that you'll like too. How about next time you can pick where we go?"

"Really?"

"Sure! Just name the place and we'll go soon."

"Hm… how about the planetarium?"

"Sounds great!"

Logan nodded and mentally braced himself as he walked farther into the water. It wasn't quite as cold as he'd thought, but was still pleasantly cool in the heat of the day.

Logan paused with a small frown once he'd gotten in past his bellybutton and sniffed the air. Since this was the ocean and not a pool, there was no chlorine to bother Logan. He got in to his shoulders and pushed his feet off the sand, swimming in place to stay afloat, finally level with Patton instead of trailing behind.

"This isn't as bad as I'd thought."

"Awe, I'm glad! I personally love swimming."

"Mm, I'd… well, not forgotten that there wasn't any chlorine, of course, but it's not that bad. And sure, it smells a bit like salt, but considering it's the ocean, that makes sense." The water began to lap at Logan's chin. "I really had expected it to be so much wors—" The water brushed past his lips and he wrinkled his nose as he spat out the few drops of water that'd made it into his mouth. "Eurgh! Why does it taste so salty?!"

Patton laughed gently. "You knew the ocean was salty, Lo!"

"Well, of course I did, Father, but I didn't know it was going to be this salty! Ugh, it's horrendous."

Patton giggled. "Aww, sorry, kiddo."

…

The saltwater had tasted terrible, but all in all, swimming had gone much better than Logan had expected. The lack of chlorine had really made a big difference.

After they had gotten out of the water for lunch, almost everyone made sand castles while Janus and Logan sat on a blanket under the shade of a big umbrella.

"So, how are you enjoying the family so far?" Janus asked, startling a small laugh out of Logan.

"What?"

"Well, it's been a few months. Surely you have formed some sort of opinion by now."

"Oh, I have. I just wasn't expecting the question." Logan paused for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. "I really like it here… not the beach— well, it is nice here, but what I meant was that I really like being with everyone."

"Good, I'm glad. Everyone likes that you're here too."

"...Everyone?"

Janus smiled like he was in on a joke. Perhaps he was. "Everyone."

"...I'm not intruding?"

"Not at all. I daresay that there would be many protests if you tried to cut us off. Patton is quite the protective papa bear. Actually, if you want to be specific, I believe there'd be five protests. Six if you count your mother."

"Oh… six?"

"Yes, six. Did you really think I'm completely apathetic towards you?"

"Well, I didn't know, and… well, I didn't want to assume."

Janus hummed. "Now you don't have to."

"True." Logan paused, a bit of anxiety building in his gut as he tried to think of how to word what he wanted to say. "Thank you for letting me into your family," Logan rushed out. "You didn't have to do that, but you did anyway, and I— I really appreciate it."

"I'm… not even quite sure what to say to that. I don't feel as though it was letting you as in 'I gave you permission', but more like you just naturally became a part of our family."

Logan hummed. "I see. Well, regardless, I'm still grateful for all of you."

"And us you," Janus said, voice full of sincerity.

They sat there in peaceful silence for several minutes until Patton came up.

"Janus! The kids say it's your turn to play with them."

Janus sighed faux-dramatically. "Well, if they insist…" He got up and went to where the others were throwing sand around.

"Hi!" Patton exclaimed as he sat down next to Logan.

"Hello, Father. How was the sand?"

"Sandy dandy!"

Logan exhaled through his nose, if only to keep himself from laughing. "That's… a very you response."

Patton laughed. "You betcha!" He looked out at the ocean for a few moments before saying, "Hey, Logan?"

"Yes?"

Patton looked back at Logan. "I'm glad you came to find me a few months ago."

"Mm, me too."

"I… I know I said this at your science fair last month, but you're family." Patton laughed a little. "I mean, of course you're family, but I just… I wanted to say it again. And that… that I really care about you, Logan."

"I really care about you too… Papa?" Logan hadn't meant it to sound like a question but he was a little unsure if Patton would think it was okay so it did anyway.

"Awwwww, c'mere!"

Patton scooted closer, Logan copying him, and Patton put an arm around Logan's shoulders, who immediately rested his head on Patton's shoulder.

"Love you… Lo-son."

"...Was that a pun in front of my emotional conversation?"

Patton laughed again, much louder this time. "I can tell you've been hanging out with Virgil a lot."

Logan smiled. "Maybe a bit."

"Hey!" Remus exclaimed from a bit farther down the beach. "Come look at what we made!"

Patton and Logan exchanged glances as Logan sat up properly again before they got up and went to where the twins and Virgil were gathered.

"Where's Jan—" Logan cut himself off with a startled laugh as he could only see Janus' head, his body under the sand which had been shaped to look like a snake.

"See!" Roman beamed. "He's a sea snake."

"You good under there, dear?" Patton asked amusedly, obviously trying not to giggle.

Janus pouted a bit, but still said, "Yes, I'm fine, just covered in sand."

"I like the details in the scales! Very fancy."

"Yeah," Virgil agreed. "Re and Ro did most of them."

Logan tilted his head to the side. "What species were you modeling this after?"

Roman thought about it for a moment. "Uh… sea snake?"

Virgil snorted. "We didn't have one in mind. Just used our imagination."

"Ah, I see."

"Come build sandcastles with us, Logan!" Roman exclaimed more than asked as he smiled up at Logan.

Logan couldn't help but smile back. "Alright. What time period and place were you thinking of?"

"Ooh," Remus cut in, "Which ones have the most gore?"

"Well…"

Everything was so very different from only a few months prior, but it'd only changed for the better.

Logan had always had his mother, but his family grew bigger than he'd ever thought possible.

Home really wasn't about the house, but rather about the people; and between Logan's mother, Patton, Janus, Virgil, Remus, and Roman, Logan had an abundance of home.

And there truly was no place like home.

~The End~

No reposting, likes are nice, and reblogs are very much appreciated! | Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @someoneiwasnt

#sanders sides fics #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #vee's writing #ts logan #tss logan #ts patton #tss patton #ts janus #tss janus #ts remus #tss remus #ts roman #tss roman #ts virgil #tss virgil #established moceit #tssbb 2022 #thomas sanders sides big bang 2022

[logarhythm-bees]

To Unearth and Back Again; ⛅Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty Seven | Table of Contents

See ronithesnail's absolutely wonderful art for this story!

Didn't know how I could tell you But you could already tell - I don't need anybody, I'm fine here on my own But if I needed somebody, It'd be you I'd call my own.

-Stella, Cereus Bright

They all joined together on Remus’s tea party, Thomas especially lighting up when he realized that Remus’s green tea biscuits were actually really good, and Roman only spilling a little bit of tea on his brother in compensation for this mess they’d been in. He’d probably still fight him later, but for now, he was satisfied to be around his family again. Growing, and new.

Janus gave him the beginnings of a quiet but earnest apology that did make Roman cry a little bit, and he was quickly surrounded on all sides by his family comforting him, Janus patting his hand tentatively and telling him they’d get to a more thorough apology later.

Later, later. So many things to do later, and yet he felt so unafraid in the face of them now with all he’d been through. He blinked a few happy tears out of his eyes, a warmth flowing through him that he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

The biscuits made several rounds around the table, the final one being split between Roman and Virgil. Virgil had taken Roman’s hand under the table again, like he’d done yesterday (and wasn’t it strange, how long ago yesterday felt?) and Roman ran his thumb over the nail polish, chipped in spots now from their adventuring and efforts, but still that deep black color that shone purple when it caught the light. A perfect allegory for Virgil, and maybe for their family as a whole–a little messy, a little bit broken, but more than anything it was beautiful, and it was strong–and it was worth it, to heal with it, Roman smiled to himself.

The sun was reaching its evening position in the sky as the last of the tea was being poured into Janus’s mug, and Thomas got up from the table and stretched, drawing the attention of the room. “I’ve gotta go,” Thomas laughed. “It’s been fun going on this quest with you guys, but I miss my bed. And my phone. And a lot of other things too, but you get the jist, right?”

“I think we do,” Roman said, smiling. 

“See ya’ later, yeah?” Thomas grinned, and Roman mirrored it. “See you later.”

Thomas disappeared with a thumbs-up, popping back into his apartment.

Janus was sipping his tea, seeming content to slowly finish drinking it, but the party’s other attendees seemed to have other ideas.

“Well, you two have something you’ve got to get to,” Remus interrupted abruptly, hooking an arm around Logan’s neck and tugging at Patton’s hood with his other hand as he winked unsubtly at Roman. “And we’ve got some dinner to cook! Right? Right? Right!” Remus laughed. “We didn’t have any dinner plans,” Janus started, trying still to finish the rest of his hot tea, but Remus grabbed his capelet over Logan’s back and sank the four of them out.

“Good luck!” Remus yelled, grinning as he disappeared into the floor in a puff of green smoke that flooded the room.

Roman and Virgil coughed as the smoke billowed around the tower, covering the harsh stone walls and pointy turrets out the window. Roman grabbed onto Virgil, holding him close and waving the smoke away, fanning frantically with his hand. Roman was just about to sink them out to go after his brother again when the smoke abruptly cleared, bricks of granite giving way to rolling grass covered in flora, sharp edges turning to soft clouds, and most importantly, the little plastic table fading into a red-and-purple picnic blanket, complete with a picnic basket and wine glasses where the tea biscuits and and mismatched cups and mugs had been. The only hint at all that this had been Remus’s doing were the Venus fly-traps dotted in among the vibrant lilacs and geraniums. 

A picnic, for him and Virgil. It had sounded wonderful, at the start of this. 

Virgil tucked his arm around Roman, smiling up at him cautiously, and Roman laughed.

Now, it sounded perfect.

Roman was about to bow, wave Virgil to the blanket with an “after you!” and open the basket for them, but he remembered fighting back-to-back with Virgil, sword by sword, side by side, as equals, and stopped. Together, then.

He stood up from where he’d already half-bent, instead offering Virgil his arm awkwardly and shooting him a gentle smile. Virgil took his arm, cocking an eyebrow at him, and Roman swallowed the nerves in his throat. This was Virgil, his fighter, his equal, his love. Together, they would be alright.

Roman linked their hands together on top of his own.

“Shall we?” He said, starting towards the blanket, and Virgil came with him.

The blanket was surprisingly soft. Virgil sat on one corner, facing the sun, in the same moment that Roman sat next to him and placed the basket in between.

“Sorry.” Roman said as Virgil opened the basket. Virgil stilled in confusion. “Sorry?” he repeated.

“About…everything that happened.” Roman continued. “I–the day before yesterday, after dinner, I was just thinking, I really wanted to have a picnic with you.” Roman blushed, picking at the threads of the picnic blanket. “So I asked Remus to keep the other three out of the way for yesterday morning. I didn’t realize he’d take that to mean ‘treat us like your personal dnd campaign,’ but in retrospect, I really don’t know what I expected out of my brother.”

Virgil laughed, open and unguarded, and Roman smiled wide, cheeks sore from all the smiling he’d been doing today.

“I dunno what you expected from your brother either, dude.” Virgil snorted, lifting a mug and spoon out of the basket, white ceramic dipped in purple and gold marbling. He handed both of the items to Roman, and Roman removed the fabric wrapped around the top to reveal a double-chocolate mug cake with purple and red sprinkles. “It certainly didn’t turn out so bad though, did it?”

Virgil lifted out of the basket one of his own, the same cake but in a red-white-gold splattered mug this time. Tentative, but not shy, Virgil shifted closer to Roman on the blanket, asking silently for Roman to meet him in the middle–which he did, leaning against Virgil’s shoulder.

“It did turn out rather good,” Roman said, shoving a spoonful of cake into his mouth.

Virgil hummed, poking at the cake as he thought to himself. “Why’d you want a picnic with me?”, Virgil asked after a second, sounding to Roman like he already knew the answer. Roman didn’t mind affirming it either way.

“I like you.” Roman said, blunt as a blade in a brick. “I knew before, but going on this adventure with you has been…really cool.” Roman felt his cheeks go pink, playing absentmindedly with his spoon and twirling it between his fingers. “I just like being with you, like this. I thought it might be like the other three are, before, like…romantically, but I don’t think that’s what it is, really.” Roman shifted closer to Virgil, who did the same. “I just like- I love being by your side, Virgil. I love you, even if I’m not sure exactly how.” Roman fidgeted at his cloak, nervously wondering if it was a good idea to spill his feelings to Virgil like this after all.

“Is that okay?” Roman asked.

“‘Course it is, Princey.” Virgil said. Virgil laced their fingers together, arms intertwined. “We don’t need to know how we’re feeling for it to be valid, look at how I’ve been before.” A quiet clink of metal against ceramic as Virgil sat there fiddling with the spoon and leaning into Roman, who wasn’t sure how to prompt a continuation.

“I love you too, by the way.” Virgil said, sensing his worry. “I thought you might have figured that out already, though.”

“I did,” Roman said, letting out a sigh of relief, “but it’s nice to hear it confirmed, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Virgil agreed. Roman knocked their spoons together, his right hand against Virgil’s left, making Virgil smile as Roman took note of his soft light purple eyeshadow.

“In that case,” Roman asked, rubbing his thumb over Virgil’s in their joined hands, “do you want to be partners? We don’t have to know exactly what that means, but–I think it would be nice, to be. Partners, that is. Maybe we could have a proper day together when we get back.” Roman lifted up their joined hands to swing them back and forth sweetly. “Paint our nails together, or something!”

Leaning closer to Roman, Virgil settled their joined hands between them where their shoulders pressed together. “That sounds great, Roman.”

Roman pulled away to look Virgil in the eyes. “The start may have been kind of a mess, but I’m glad I got to go on this adventure with you.”

Virgil smiled back at him, touching their foreheads with a grin as the glow of the sky and fantasy flowerbeds reflected off of their skin and their mugs and the blades still tucked in their hilts, symbols now of the bond they had forged together as partners.

“Me too, Princey. Me too.”

To unearth, and back again.

#logicaliciet #lomoceit #prinxiety #qpp prinxiety #to unearth and back again #sanders sides #my writing

[theimprobabledreamersworld]

Loceit Week Day 3: Braincells

Took a few attempts to get right, but I really like this one!

@loceitweek2022

Art taglist: @red-imeanblue @jwillowwolf @lost-in-thought-20 @the-duke-of-nuts @diamondwind99 @psychedelicships (If you'd like to be added/removed, let me know! 🌟)

"I'm sorry, Logan... I don't follow." Janus confessed, feeling a little guilty for admitting the truth when Logan was trying to explain something personal.

Logan sighed jokingly, a small smirk graced his features as he grabbed two pens and paper placing it in between them.

"It's quite alright, Janus. You know I'm one for visual aids... Considering using words with an emotional stance isn't my strong suit... Allow me to use this to make it clearer." Logan began to draw accurately and Janus was mesmerised by how easily the ink flowed onto the page.

"This is how my brain functions when I'm alone... It's clear, accurate, it functions exactly as it should. Figuratively, my braincells continue with their job with no problems in any capacity." Logan explained and Janus nodded along, curious to see where this was going.

"Now, when I'm with you..." Logan frantically opened the cap of the other pen and drew chaotic lines, swirls until it finally ended in a single curved line. "When I'm with you; I can't think clearly, my mind can't focus on a task, chaos swirls around and you consume my every thought. Figuratively, my braincells become disorganised. You create complete and utter chaos in my mind, Janus." Logan looks up, almost afraid of Janus' reaction.

Janus stared at the drawing, and his breath hitches when he finally realised what Logan was saying. He smiled and took Logan's hand in his own.

"So... I'm a bad distraction huh?" Janus said teasingly causing Logan to squeeze Janus', delicately placing his other hand on Janus' cheek which made him blush.

"Quite the opposite... You're the best possible distraction... and I never want that to change."

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #ts logan #ts janus #loceit #pre romantic loceit #loceitweek2022 #ts fanart #ts fandom #ts fanfic

[groovyghostie]

The Seer: Part 1

Hey, guys! This is my Storytime Big Bang 2023 (@tss-storytime) submission! It was a lot of hard work and fun to get this done, and I'm really super proud of it! Mind the tags, stay safe, and enjoy! I was partnered with @creative-lampd-liberties, an amazing artist, for this event. You can find the art they made here. They also made the cover below!!! I'm putting this fic on Tumblr (even though I hate posting fics here -_-) because I have it set to registered users only on AO3 to help avoid bot AI scraping. That said, here's the AO3 link for those who are registered users on AO3:

[AO3 Link]

Summary: After spending most of his teenage years pretending to be something he’s not (a girl), then spending his adult life so far pretending to be something else he’s not (a clairvoyant), Janus is caught off-guard when he is granted real powers. He is the seer that predicts the downfall of the kingdom, as well as the potential salvation. The problem? The kingdom’s hero is Roman, Janus’s best friend’s brother, who… dislikes Janus. A lot. Now Janus is stuck going on a quest to destroy the source of The Dragon Witch’s power with a ragtag band of adventurers, and he has the unfortunate task of making sure they all survive. The forest is dangerous. So is their enemy. Janus hopes his friends are even more formidable.

Rating: T

Word Count: 26,268

Ships: Janus/Roman, Remus/Patton, Logan/Virgil, Thomas/Remy, Prince/Anxiety (shorts), Dad/Teacher (shorts)

Content Warnings: fire, description of burnt bodies, description of corpses, minor character death, animal death, parent death, sibling death, blood, assault, description of being burned, main character disowned by parents, mortal peril, kidnapping, injuries, transphobia, alcohol use, deadnaming, swearing

[Fic under readmore]

Prologue

Logan took his job very seriously. Being the prince’s manservant on top of being co-leader of the servants was a monumental task, but it was also a monumental honor. Of course, it was hard to feel honored when he was in the middle of taking the prince’s now-dry laundry back to his room so he could hang it up in the wardrobe. One basket on his head and the other on his hip with a hand on each one, Logan balanced the large burden carefully. He was passing one of the guest bedrooms, of which the door was cracked open, when he heard voices. He wasn’t sure who was in that room. Guests were more Remy’s department, because Remy could be charming when he wanted to be. That wasn’t Logan’s department either. 

He slowed, drifting closer to the door to listen. 

“...illing him won’t be easy,” said a male voice.

“Please, with me on your side, we’ll have no issues. It’s the chaos after that we must worry about.” This voice was female. It was smooth and sweet, the definition of comforting.

“Still, we must be careful that no one guesses what we’re up to. We’d have to act fast to prevent anyone from stopping us.” Logan recognized that voice. It was Prince Eschive, the king’s brother. That couldn’t be right, though. He wouldn’t be conspiring like this, surely.

“You’re right, of course, Dear One. Caution is of the utmost importance,” said the female voice. 

Logan peeked through the crack in the door. He could see the woman, now, and was fairly certain that it was Duchess Adalinda Draco. She was visiting the palace because she was a childhood playmate of the queen. This didn’t make any sense.

“I’m glad we’re agreed, Darling,” said Eschive. “And when we kill my brother and his family, you shall make a lovely queen.”

Logan’s eyes widened. They wanted to kill King Marceau, along with his entire family. But that couldn’t be right.

Adalinda grinned and leaned in toward Eschive. “And you shall be a powerful, respected king.” She placed her hands on his shoulders and kissed him. Logan’s eyes were drawn to her shadow. It shifted against the wall, forming unfamiliar shapes. It took Logan a few beats to figure out what he was seeing. Then the shape came together in his head. Horns. A tail. Wings. Very draconic, indeed. He gasped.

Adalinda pulled away from Eschive. “Did you hear something?”

Eschive nodded, face darkening, and Logan took that as his cue to leave. He rushed the rest of the way to the corner and turned it quickly, then ducked into a servants’ kitchenette. He waited there, his heart pounding in his ears.

After a few minutes, when he realized they weren’t going to come after him, he left the small room and headed towards Prince Virgil’s room again. No one would believe him with his word against Prince Eschive’s. He’d have to take this into his own hands.

1: The Conman

Janus leaned forward, placing his chin on his folded hands with his elbows on the table. “Tell me, Ms. Fortuna, what can I do to help you?” He looked her over. Salt crusted her hair at the tips, her lips were dry, and she had a spyglass tucked into a loop in her belt. A sailor, then. Judging by the spyglass, probably a captain. Her clothes were fine, too, so probably a merchant, especially when considered with the lack of scars. A pirate would have more scars, and any other kind of ship’s captain would have plainer clothes. “Business, or personal?” he asked.

“Business,” the woman across from him answered in a deep, sonorous voice. “A friend recommended I come here, because I’m worried if I call my fleet back from Hertland they’ll be lost to the storms. Can you tell me whether to wait or to call them back?”

Janus was surprised. If she was, herself, a sailor, she should know that there was a fleet of pirates going up the coast of Hertland, probably toward her ships. He hummed and made his usual show of looking into his crystal ball. His brow furrowed. Then he looked up suddenly. “If you don’t call them back now, they will be taken by pirates. Do they have a mirror you can use to speak to them?” 

Ms. Fortuna nodded quickly. “I must go tell them. Thank you so much, Janus.” She reached into her satchel and pulled out a bag about the size of a cantaloupe. When she set it down onto the table, the action was accompanied by the sound of clinking coins. “You’ve done me an invaluable service.”

“Of course, Ms. Fortuna. I wish you good fortune,” he said, smiling at her. 

As soon as the front door closed behind her, his smile grew into a grin and he chuckled. He snatched up the bag she’d left him in one hand, his cane in the other, and made his way back to his bedroom.

The room was small, with a comfortable bed, a bookshelf, a wardrobe, and a locked chest all crammed into what little space there was. He went to the chest and knelt to unlock it with the key on a leather strap around his neck. He carefully set his cane on the ground next to him. He grabbed his coin purse, emptied a bit of the bag of coins into it, then locked the bag in the chest. The coin purse got attached to his belt. He left his shop-and-home, locking the door behind himself.

-

“To suckers!” Remus exclaimed, raising his glass. It was the third of the night, half empty, and Remus’s cheeks were red.

Janus laughed and tapped his glass, still his first, against Remus’s. “To suckers,” he responded, though his smile was fading a bit. 

Remus raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong, sourface?”

Janus shook his head. “It’s nothing. Everything’s perfect.”

“Liar,” Remus accused, pointing at Janus. “Something’s bothering you.”

Janus huffed. “I didn’t lie. Everything is perfect, and that’s what’s bothering me.”

Remus tilted his head, considering that statement for a moment. “What, are you bored?”

“Yes, Remus,” Janus said, voice full of frustration. “Everything’s too easy. It’s both unsettling and incredibly boring.”

“Excuse me,” said someone behind them. 

Janus jumped, and they both turned in their seats. The person standing behind them was mostly obscured by a deep midnight blue hooded cloak. 

“I couldn’t help but overhear that you’re bored. What do you do for work?” the person asked.

Janus narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but nonetheless answered, “I’m a fortune teller.”

The person sounded like they were grinning, but it was hard to see in the shadows obscuring their face, as they said, “I think I can give you a challenge.” They pulled a hand mirror from their cloak, revealing that their skin was extremely pale. After placing the hand mirror, set against a simple bronze back with a handle, on the bar, leaning between Janus and Remus, they turned on their heel, then they were gone.

“Well, that was weird and creepy,” Remus said, turning back to Janus.

Janus was staring at the mirror. “Yeah.” He shook his head and looked up at Remus. “Well, nothing left to do but keep drinking,” he said with a smile.

-

Janus awoke with a groan. His head was pounding. He dragged himself from his bed, still wearing his clothes from the night from before. He needed to splash water on his face before anything else. At least he’d gone to the well twice the day before. As he padded towards his basin, leaning more heavily on his cane in the sleepiness of the morning, he suddenly froze. 

He stood in the street outside his shop, looking up at the palace. It was on fire, burning bright and hot. People were screaming and crying. There was a sound, the loudest cracking that Janus had ever heard, then the tallest tower of the palace began to fall, right towards Janus. He covered his head.

He was back in his room, the brightness and heat gone. He breathed heavily, looking around in confusion. His hands shook. He looked back toward the bed. There on the blanket lay the mirror, in all its plainness. He’d been looking into it before he fell asleep, noting the odd feeling it gave him. Like a sense of impending doom. 

With nothing else to do, he dismissed what he’d seen, felt, and heard as a waking dream and continued his morning routine. 

His hands shook for hours. 

2: The Duke's Sons

Janus didn’t know why he’d agreed to go to the palace. He hadn’t been back since everything changed. But Remus had requested he accompany them. When the group stopped at his shop, he greeted Duke Erex politely, then Roman Erex, this time his voice dripping with sarcasm. Roman glared at him. He made his way to the back of the group to stand next to Remus and Patton.

“Hi, Jan!” Patton greeted him excitedly. 

Janus couldn’t help but smile back at Patton. Patton could almost always improve his mood. “Hello, Patton. Remus, how are you?” 

Remus glared at him in a way that was quite reminiscent of his brother. “It’s not fair, you always recover from drinking quicker than me,” he grumbled.

Patton cupped a hand around his mouth and stage-whispered, “He’s been grumpy all morning.” 

Janus grinned. “Well, that can only be expected from someone who’s hungover as fuck.”

“Fuck you,” Remus grumbled.

By the time they were near to the palace, Remus was feeling much better. The fresh air had revitalized him. Still he was complaining, just more energetically. “I hate going to the palace,” he groaned. “It’s so stuffy.” 

“Can you shut up?” Roman hissed from just in front of them.

“Can you?” Janus shot back.

Roman shot him a glare. “At least I’m not going to the palace in commoner’s clothing,” he sniffed.

Janus grit his teeth. “At least I’m not a stuck-up bitch,” he replied. 

Roman whirled around, stopping Janus, Patton, and Remus in their tracks.

“Guys, pl-” Patton tried.

“No, you’re not. But you know what you are, Janus?” Roman asked. 

“What?” Janus challenged.

“Dumbasses!” Remus exclaimed, trying to pull their attention to him.

“You’re a fraud. You pretend to be so confident, but you know that, deep down, you’re just faking it. You pretend all the time,” Roman accused. He turned and began to jog to catch up with his father and the bodyguard.

Janus stood, frozen, mouth slightly open.

“Jan…?” Patton asked gently. 

Janus snapped from his stupor, set his jaw, and squared his shoulders. “Let’s go.” He began to walk quickly, trying to catch up. His short legs did not help. Patton was in the same boat, but Remus kept up with the two of them effortlessly. Damn his height and long legs.

Still, they did catch up, right as the group arrived at the palace gates. Janus glared angrily at the back of Roman’s head, imagining that his eyes were burning holes into him. Roman ignored him. 

The palace corridors were cold, and they echoed. Janus had always disliked that. It drew attention to him when the sound of his cane against the floor was amplified so loudly.

Patton grabbed Remus’s hand, then held his other hand out to Janus. Janus took it gratefully. His heart flooded with gratitude for his friends. He genuinely didn’t know what he’d do without them. 

They had to let go of each other, though, when they reached the parlor where they were to meet Prince Eschive. Janus had always disliked Eschive. He reminded him of a weasel. A servant, tall and graceful, with spectacles perched upon his round nose, opened the door for them, and Duke Erex led the way into the room.

The duke and his sons, as well as Patton, sat down in the chairs provided for them when the servant gestured to them. Janus stood against the wall behind Remus and Patton, and the bodyguard stood against the wall on the other side of the door. The servant glanced at Janus’s cane and gave him an apologetic look, presumably for not having a chair for him. Janus shrugged one shoulder and smiled at him.

The tall servant poured them all tea, including Janus and the bodyguard, and even offered them all sugar. Janus always took his tea black, unless it was herbal, then he would add honey.

They waited for a few minutes, sipping their tea before Eschive finally entered the room. The duke, his sons, and Patton stood to greet him, bowing and then shaking hands with him. The prince seemed to revel in the attention and respect. 

“I apologize for my lateness,” Eschive said. “I was caught up in another matter.”

Janus noticed the tall servant making a concerned… or worried face at that.

“Of course, Your Highness, we do not mind,” said Duke Erex. He turned and gestured to Patton. “I do not believe you have met my son Remus’s husband, Patton.” His expression dripped with disdain, and Janus’s blood boiled. He saw Remus clench his teeth.

“I have not,” said Eschive. 

“A pleasure,” said Patton.

“The pleasure is mine,” said Eschive with a crooked smile. A shiver went down Janus’s spine, and Patton looked like he felt much the same.

They all sat, Eschive across from the duke, and began to discuss as the servant poured Eschive some tea as well.

“Tell me, Achille, the state of your land. How is the crop this year?” Eschive asked.

The duke nodded and began his spiel on how well the crop was coming in, and how the cows were producing well, and the weavers were working hard on the wool he’d imported from Hertland. 

Roman interjected occasionally, as he had been put in charge of managing the numbers for the sales of their textiles.

Remus, for once, sat silently.

There was a knock at the door. Eschive looked up, then motioned for the tall servant to open the door. Outside the door stood a beautiful woman and a servant. The woman was of average height, with pale skin and a perfect figure. Her curly hair, which went down to her waist and had two braids in the front tied together at the back of her head, was a striking fiery red. The servant was short and skinny, with perfect, swooping dark hair, and tinted glasses covering his eyes.

Eschive grinned, his eyes almost glazed over. “Duchess Draco! Come, join us.” He stood, so Duke Erex, his sons, and Patton stood as well. The duchess walked over to Eschive, and Eschive took her hand, then leaned down to kiss it. He let go in a way that seemed almost reluctant, then turned to Duke Erex. “Achille, this is Duchess Adalinda Draco. She is visiting from the province of Noerel.” He turned to the duchess. “Adalinda, this is Duke Achille Erex and his sons, Roman and Remus.” He gestured to each man as he spoke. The short servant slipped out.

The duke also took Adalinda’s hand and kissed it. “Wonderful to meet you, Your Grace.”

“Likewise, Your Grace,” said Adalinda. She turned, and her eyes caught Janus’s.

Janus dropped his cup, freezing up. It shattered. On her head were curling black horns. Behind her back, blood-red wings and a matching tail.

He was in the street outside his shop again. The heat and light were so intense. Smoke burned his lungs. A shadow fell over him, and he looked up. A dragon flew overhead, towards the palace, and began to breathe fire to add to the flames. Again, the tower cracked and began to fall toward him. 

Then he was back, the cool air of the palace washing over his skin. He leaned heavily on his cane, his legs feeling weak. Patton and Remus hovered by him worriedly, and the servant was knelt by his feet to clean up the glass. Thankfully, the teacup had been empty. “I’m sorry,” he choked out. 

Adalinda was looking at him with concern. Roman was looking at him with disdain.

“Let’s go outside,” Patton murmured. “Excuse us, Your Highness,” he said louder. 

“Of course,” said Eschive, waving them away.

Patton escorted Janus out of the room, Remus following behind them. 

“What happened?” Remus asked worriedly. 

“I… just felt faint,” Janus answered. “I’m fine now, really.”

Patton didn’t look convinced, nor did Remus, but he knew Janus well enough to take that as a cue to drop it. 

“I have to go back inside,” Remus said. “Are either of you coming?” Janus shook his head. He couldn’t go back in there with that woman. 

“I’ll stay with Janus,” Patton said. 

“No,” said Janus, shaking his head, “Go keep Remus out of trouble. I just need to gather myself.” 

Patton frowned, “But-”

“Go on, keep your husband from saying something regrettable,” Janus repeated.

“Hey!” Remus exclaimed.

“Oh, I’m right and you know it,” Janus replied. “Now go.”

Reluctantly, Remus and Patton went back into the parlor.

Janus sighed and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. He had a headache.

“Pssst,” he heard. “C’mere.”

Janus opened his eyes, looking around in confusion. There, across the hall from him, there was the shorter servant, peeking out from behind a plain wooden door. He raised an eyebrow. The man motioned for him to come closer. He hesitated for only a few moments before carefully standing upright. The cane, like always, echoed. 

The servant opened the door for Janus to come in. Inside were both the taller servant and the shorter servant. When he was in, the shorter servant closed the door behind him. He looked around. They were in a little kitchenette that was probably primarily for preparing tea if Janus had to guess.

“So…” Janus said. “What did you want, exactly?”

The taller servant cleared his throat. “My name is Logan. I think we have some things to talk about regarding Duchess Draco.”

“Oh?” Janus asked, carefully keeping the nerves from his voice.

“I’m Remy, by the way,” interjected the shorter servant.

“Janus,” replied Janus politely.

Logan cleared his throat. “How about I recount to you what I’ve seen, then you can return the favor?”

“That sounds agreeable,” Janus answered, eyes sparkling with interest. “You've noticed something odd about her, then.”

Remy gave a small laugh. “You could call it odd, I guess. I’d just call it freaky.”

Logan shot him a glare, then continued, “I’ve definitely noticed something odd. You’ll hear my story, then?”

Janus gestured for him to go ahead.

“I was passing by Duchess Draco’s quarters, and I heard her and Prince Eschive conspiring to… get rid of the king,” Logan said.

Janus’s eyes widened.

“That’s not all,” Remy added.

“Indeed,” Logan agreed. “They kissed, and when they did Duchess Draco’s shadow morphed.”

“She had horns and wings,” Janus guessed.

Logan blinked. “And a tail.”

Janus nodded. “I saw that, too. And more.”

“More?” Logan inquired.

“I had a vision this morning… This sounds insane.”

“You’re the seer whose shop is down the main street, are you not?” Logan asked.

Janus hummed. “I suppose I must confide in you. I… am a fraud. Before this morning, I had never seen the future in my life.”

Remy snorted. Again, Logan glared at him. “That is a very unethical way to make a living.”

Janus took a deep breath. “I’ve done what I needed to do. I have a clear conscience. But that isn’t what this conversation is about. I had a vision this morning. The palace was burning. It felt so real… And…”

“And?” Logan prompted.

“I saw it again, just now. But this time there was a dragon, adding to the flames,” Janus said.

Logan and Remy were silent for a few moments, seeming to communicate with their eye contact. Finally they turned back to Janus.

“The course of action I propose is to keep this to ourselves for now,” Logan said. “Our word against the prince and duchess’s is not worth much.”

Janus nodded in agreement. “We should find more information. I can… speak with some of the mystics and magic shop proprietors. Hopefully one of them will have something useful to say.” He was hesitant. He’d avoided the other professionals in the capital to keep from being exposed as a fraud. This situation called for it, though.

Remy grinned. “We get to spy on the duchess and the prince, then?”

Logan gave a long-suffering sigh. “It’s not spying. It’s gathering information.”

“By watching them,” said Remy. “So, spying?”

Logan groaned.

“Janus?” called Remus’s voice, followed quickly by Patton repeating the call.

“I have to go,” Janus said. “It was nice to meet you both. Stay safe.”

“You as well,” Logan answered.

“Yeah, don’t get yourself killed or anything,” Remy said.

Janus huffed out a small laugh, then went to join his friends.

“Where were you?” asked Patton when Janus emerged from the small room.

Janus gave his most convincing smile. “Just gossiping. The servants always have the most interesting things to say.”

Remus giggled. “You’re always looking for things to use against people, aren’t you?” he said as they followed behind the rest of the group.

Janus gave a scandalized gasp. “I would never! I’m just a harmless busybody.”

Patton laughed a little. “Right. He’s just curious and nosy, Remus,” he said playfully.

“Right. Patton knows I’m telling the truth,” Janus said, barely holding in laughter.

Remus shook his head. “Riiiight. Well, I suppose I just have to believe you, seeing as you’re my best friend.”

“Good,” Janus replied.

About that time, they reached the palace gates. “We’ll see you soon, right, Janus?” Patton asked.

“Of course,” Janus answered. “Feel free to drop by any time.” He smiled. When Patton hugged him, he hugged back. And when Remus punched him in the arm, he punched Remus in the chest. They all laughed.

Patton and Remus followed Duke Erex, and Janus walked back toward his shop with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

-

The wooden training swords clashed in a way that sent the vibrations all the way up Pryce’s arm, making him wince. His opponent saw an opportunity, and she forced him back until his back collided with the stone wall around the training area. She grinned, and he laughed breathlessly.

“Good match, Val,” he said.

“Wish I could say the same,” Valerie teased, then immediately continued, “and I can. Thanks for the pointers, Pryce.”

“Val!” called a voice from the west viewing platform.

“Virgil!” Valerie called back. She gave Pryce a little wave, then jogged off to her brother.

Pryce watched, then his eyes slowly moved to the right of where the prince and princess were now talking, and he saw the very person he always looked forward to seeing at the end of his practice. His face split into a wide grin, and he waved.

Andy waved back. He looked a bit less self-assured than usual, which worried Pryce. He ran to meet him a little quicker than he usually would, scrambling up the ladder to the platform. “There’s my least favorite sarcastic asshole,” he greeted jokingly.

Andy gave a half-hearted smile and pulled a cookie from the basket he carried. He held it out, and when Pryce reached for it, he snatched it away. “I need help,” he said, the smile falling away. He looked as if he might cry.

Pryce stepped closer and guided him over to a more secluded corner, his blood running cold. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Andy so upset. Annoyed, sure. Grumpy, sure. But never anything like this. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Andy took a deep breath, and it came back out much shakier. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment. He wouldn’t make eye contact when he opened them again. “My father still hasn’t come back,” he said, voice breaking slightly.

“He left three weeks ago, didn’t he?” Pryce asked, his heart breaking at the expression on Andy’s face as he nodded. “I’ll go look for him then, okay? It’ll be okay,” he assured him.

Andy sniffled softly. “By yourself?” He sounded terrified. Pryce had never seen him so vulnerable.

Pryce gave him a reassuring smile. “How about I take Thomas? Sound good?”

Andy nodded again. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

“Hey, it’s going to be alright,” he said, opening his arms.

Andy surged forward and buried his face in Pryce’s chest, dropping his basket to the floor. Pryce rubbed his back as he cried silently. Over and over again, he reassured him that it was alright. He wished he knew that were true.

3: The Prince

Virgil’s arms were folded in front of him. “You didn’t show up to our history lessons today,” he accused.

“Ugh, I forgot it was Monday,” Valerie groaned. “I’m so sorry, did you cover for me?”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Of course I did, I’m the best brother ever, remember?”

Valerie nodded, smiling. “Ah, yes, how could I forget?”

“That’s right,” Virgil sniffed. “And I deserve compensation.”

She shook her head fondly. “What do you want, Virge?”

Virgil pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket. “Give this to Logan for me?”

Valerie sighed. “When are you going to tell him you’re his secret admirer.”

“Never. Ever. That would be the most embarrassing and mortifying thing ever. Why would I do that?” Virgil asked, his face starting to turn red.

Valerie patted her little brother’s head. “Because if you don’t, you never get to find out if he feels the same, you never get to properly court him, you never get to marry him… I could go on.”

Virgil glared at her. “How dare you make sense at me?”

She finally took the note and placed it in her own pocket. “I need to go get changed into my dress for dinner. I’ll give it to him as soon as I see him.”

Virgil smiled, just a little. “Thanks, Val.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be a very good sister if I didn’t enable you in your quest to never talk to your crush about how you feel,” Valerie snarked, starting to walk back toward the armory.

“A lot of sass for someone who’s gonna need me to cover for her again in the future,” Virgil responded.

Valerie waved him off and walked away quickly.

Virgil shook his head fondly and headed back for the palace. He slipped in the door at the east end of the palace, near the kitchen. The halls were empty, which he was glad for, given he was technically supposed to be in his room studying.

He turned a corner, and there was Logan, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. “What are you doing, Your Highness?” His intonation did not make it sound like a question.

Virgil felt very small with Logan towering over him. “I went to see Valerie.” His intonation made it sound like a question.

“Right. It’s not as if you need to practice your spells, is it?” Again, it did not sound like a question.

“I, um… I’m on my way back to my room now.” Again, it sounded like a question.

“Hm. I suppose that’s acceptable.” Logan cracked a small smile.

Virgil took a deep breath. “I thought you were mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you, Virgil,” Logan assured him. “I’d prefer that you stick to your schedule, but I’m not angry.”

Virgil smiled a little, relieved.

“I’ll accompany you back to your room. I have some work to do nearby.”

“Okay. Sounds good,” Virgil said, as casually as he could manage.

“Good,” Logan answered.

“Good.”

-

The next day, Remus and Patton joined Janus in his garden.

“That one looks like a duck,” Patton said, pointing up at a cloud.

Remus nodded. “A duck who’s up to something,” he added.

“Noooo!” Patton whined. “He’s a nice duck. Very polite. He’s doing some cooking, see?” he said, pointing again.

Janus pointed at Remus. “That one looks like a husband who’s sleeping on the couch tonight,” he joked.

“Only if that’s where we fall asleep after-”

“Remus!” Patton exclaimed, his face cherry-red.

Remus chuckled, reaching up from where he rested with his head on Patton’s lap and booping Patton on the nose, even as Janus made a disgusted face.

“Remus, Father wants you,” Roman’s voice interrupted.

Remus groaned, lifting his head up from Patton’s lap. “What does he need?”

“How should I know?” Roman asked.

Remus rolled his eyes and began to stand up. He licked Patton on the cheek as he did, causing him to break out in giggles and wipe at his cheek with his sleeve. “I’ll see you soon, Darling,” Remus said, getting to his feet fully. “Bye, Jan-ass.”

“Bye, dickhead,” Janus responded as Remus opened the gate of Janus’s back garden to leave.

Roman was about to follow him when Patton called out, “Roman, are you busy?”

Janus shot Patton a glare.

“No, I suppose not,” Roman said, pausing by the gate. “Why?”

“Come join us!” said Patton. “We’re cloud-watching.”

“Oh. Fun,” Roman said, sounding slightly conflicted. His gaze wandered over to Janus, and they both narrowed their eyes.

Janus gave in first, letting out a frustrated sigh. He poured Roman some watered wine into the extra cup he’d brought out with him (Remus had a habit of managing to break the wooden cups, but he always bought a new one when he did, so Janus didn’t mind much). He held out the cup, a peace offering of sorts.

Roman opened the gate and stepped into the garden. His red coat looked out of place in the green of the small fenced-in area.

Patton grinned. “Yay!”

Roman reached for the cup. As his hand closed around it, his fingers brushed Janus’s. Janus found himself dropping yet another cup as he sprung upright. He stood in a grand ballroom, smoke and screams filling the air. Roman stood a few feet away, and, past him, a great shadow in the shape of a dragon with glowing red eyes. It began to move toward Roman, and Janus cried out.

Janus was back in the garden again, breathing heavily. Roman was in front of him, their faces just inches apart. Wine dripped down Janus’s shins, staining his dark pants even darker. “Watch it!” he hissed, unable to think of what else to say or do.

Roman’s stunned expression turned offended. “You’re the one who dropped it!” They were even closer now.

Patton snickered, and Roman and Janus jumped apart like they’d been burned.

“I have to go,” Janus said quickly.

“Janus!” Patton called, but Janus was already out the gate and rushing toward the palace.

-

Logan set the tray down on the table more loudly than he usually did things, especially in the library. As a result, Virgil jumped.

“Holy shit, Logan! Don’t do that to me!” Virgil exclaimed.

Logan gave him a disapproving look. “You are going to get in trouble with your father one of these days using that sort of language.” He began to take items off the tray and set them near the tomes that Virgil had laid out on the table. “Time for lunch. Take a break.”

Virgil looked at the food, then back to his books again, then rubbed his hand over his face. “Fine. Thanks, Logan.”

“Of course, Your Highness.”

Virgil opened his mouth to say something, but then the door burst open and footsteps, along with the tapping of a cane, hurried toward them.

“Logan? I need to talk to-“ Janus stopped as he rounded one of the shelves and spotted Virgil. He bowed quickly, wincing at the spasm in his back. He hoped they couldn’t see his expression. “I apologize, Your Highness.”

Virgil huffed. “No need for that. Please.” He paused as Janus righted himself. “Hey, aren’t you—“

“Janus,” Janus interrupted quickly. He realized his mistake quickly, but he decided to double down, clenching his jaw. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It’s Janus now.”

“Oh!” Virgil said. “Cool.”

“You needed to talk to me, Janus?” Logan asked.

“Yes. It’s urgent.”

Logan looked to Virgil, and Virgil waved him off. He and Janus began to leave, and as they were rounding the shelf, Logan looked back to see that Virgil had gone back to his books, the food untouched. He sighed softly but continued on his way.

He led Janus to an empty sitting room, then closed and locked the door behind him. He turned back to Janus, who had begun to pace nervously. “What do you have?”

Janus bit his lip. “I had another vision.”

Logan stepped closer. “That sounds ominous.”

“Yeah, it’s…” Janus sighed. “You remember Roman Erex, yes?”

Logan wrinkled his nose slightly. “Yes. Yes I do.”

“Well, his brother and brother-in-law are my friends, and we were spending time together in my garden when Roman came to tell Remus to go see their father. Then Patton said that Roman should join us, and I didn’t want him to, but Patton was giving me those puppy-dog eyes, and… I went to hand him a drink, and when our hands touched, I saw… him, fighting a dragon in a grand ballroom. Maybe the one in this palace.” As Janus finished, he felt the tension drain out of him, leaving only exhaustion in its wake.

Logan looked off into space, considering it for a while. “There seems to be no other reasonable conclusion. Roman is the one who must save the kingdom.”

Janus winced again. “That’s exactly what I didn’t want you to say.”

“Well, on my end, I’ve seen Eschive and Adalinda entering and exiting the same rooms furtively around the same time. They are certainly in it together. But, Eschive… He’s different around her,” Logan said.

“I noticed that yesterday,” Janus confirmed.

“What are our next steps?”

“You keep an eye on them. I’m going to spend the rest of the day talking to the other mystics. I was putting it off, but it’s becoming more and more urgent,” Janus said. “And you can clue in Remy, too.”

Logan nodded. “Shouldn’t we talk to Roman?”

Janus clenched his jaw and his free hand. “More information first.”

“Got it. Stay safe, Janus.”

“You too,” Janus said with a strained smile. He exited wordlessly, leaving Logan behind with only a sinking feeling.

When Logan returned to the library, it was to find Virgil having actually eaten a little bit. Not as much as Logan would like, but he would take the small victory.

“Why are you studying so hard?” he asked as he approached. “You hate studying.”

“I found something that interests me,” Virgil replied, leaning away from his books and stretching with a wince. “Healing magic is actually really interesting. Kinda complicated, though.”

“Good. But I would encourage you not to neglect your physical wellbeing, Your Highness,” Logan chided.

Virgil rolled his eyes and took another bite of his food to placate him. “You don’t have to call me that,” Virgil protested with his mouth full. “In fact, I’d prefer if you didn’t.”

Logan stiffened slightly. “I’d prefer to follow the rules, Prince Virgil.”

Huffing, Virgil took another bite, but this time swallowed before speaking again. “So, what’s going on with Janus?”

Logan looked unsure of what to say. “Just some palace business he is helping with.”

Logan, Virgil thought for the millionth time, was a horrible liar. “Right,” he said skeptically.

“If you’ll excuse me, Your Highness, I have some chores to take care of,” Logan said, looking uncomfortable.

“Of course,” Virgil answered defeatedly.

“Will you finish your food?” Logan asked.

Virgil softened. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll eat. You’re good at taking care of me.”

Logan allowed himself a small smile at the praise. “It is my job.”

He turned and left, and Virgil wished he would stay.

4: The Mystic

“ Mirror’s Shop of Curiosities ,” the sign hanging from a post above the door read. Underneath the words was painted a crystal ball with an eye inside. The building was sort of squat, the walls bowed outward, but somehow not suggesting a lack of structural integrity. In fact, the building itself seemed to exude comfort and safety. The walls were a ruddy brown color, the windows dirty with shutters that were likely once a deep blue but now a cracked and faded cerulean. The door was the most well-taken-care-of part of the exterior. It was a deep brown, almost black, leaving passers-by wondering what kind of wood it was.

Janus steeled himself, took a deep breath, and knocked twice before entering. A bell rang above him as he walked in. At first glance, the shopfront was emptier than expected. Scattered potion bottles and dried herbs sat on shelves, along with jars of things that looked suspiciously like pieces of once-living animals. A layer of dust coated almost every surface except for the products themselves, the counter, and the table and crystal ball toward the back of the shop. The table looked a lot like Janus’s own setup back at home.

“Hello?” Janus called.

A head, mostly a mop of gray hair and the lower part of a face (which looked awfully young compared to that color of hair), popped up from behind the counter. “Hello!” the person said in a smooth voice that somehow seemed discordant with their appearance. It was a familiar voice, though Janus wasn’t sure where he had heard it before. “Oh! You’re Janus, right?”

Janus winced. He had hoped not to be recognized at any of these places. “And you must be Mirror?”

“Correct!” Mirror replied, standing up to their full height. They were a little taller than Janus, pale and wearing rather simple clothing. “What can I do for you?”

“I, um… I’ve had a vision that I would like to get a second opinion on,” Janus answered.

“Well, I’d be happy to provide one!” Mirror said. “Go ahead.”

Janus took a deep breath. “I saw… the palace. On fire.”

Mirror’s mouth fell halfway open for a moment, but they regained their composure fairly quickly. They shook their head. “We should discuss this in private.” They hurried around from behind the counter to lock the shop door. Janus noticed that they were barefoot. They rushed back around the counter and gestured for Janus to follow.

Janus walked into the back room and sat when Mirror gestured to a chair. He watched as Mirror began to light candles and close curtains. The back room was full of drying herbs, empty jars and bottles, and potion-making apparatuses. It smelled strongly of rosemary and thyme.

When Mirror was done rushing around, they sat in the only other chair, which faced Janus, and looked at him intently. “Tell me everything.”

As Janus recounted his visions, Mirror looked more and more troubled. When Janus was finished, Mirror began to mumble to themselves, rubbing their temples (which allowed Janus a glimpse of one of their eyes, which was the color of their hair with no pupils or whites. Very unsettling.) and occasionally chewing on their bottom lip.

Mirror finally turned back to him, their eyes hidden by their hair again. “This is very disturbing.”

Janus huffed out a nervous laugh. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

Mirror chewed on their lip again for a few moments. “The first two visions seem to be somewhat metaphorical. Disaster at the palace, something to do with a draconic creature.”

Janus nodded. “Okay. But the third?”

“Literal. Roman Erex will have to face off with the Dragon Witch,” Mirror said gravely.

“The Dragon Witch?”

“She seems to have taken on the name Adalinda Draco. The fact that she has already infiltrated the palace is very worrying…” Mirror mused.

“Okay, but who is she? What do you know about her?” Janus asked.

“Not much, I’m afraid. I know only that she has a reputation for destruction, and that they say she can influence people,” Mirror informed him. “You should keep asking around to find out more. I fear that Roman may be our only hope, and that he needs your help.”

“ My help?” Janus asked incredulously.

“Yes,” Mirror answered. “You’re the one who had the vision for a reason.” They paused, then stood and began to rummage around in the deep drawers of their workbench. They pulled out a rectangle-shaped parcel triumphantly, then turned to hand it to Janus. “Keep track of all of your visions, gut feelings, and even just notable thoughts in here. It will help.”

Janus raised an eyebrow. “How will journaling help?”

Mirror smirked. “It’s the journal more than the journaling. It’ll help you piece things together, trust me.”

“Right,” Janus said, pushing himself up. “Well, thank you.”

He was almost out the door when Mirror called, “Remember to keep your mirror nearby!”

Janus turned quickly to ask Mirror what they meant, but there was no sign of them. His stomach roiling with dread, Janus left the shop.

-

Janus knocked at the door hesitantly. He hated coming to visit Remus. Not because of Remus or Patton, but most of the others in the house. Roman and the duke shared a strong distaste for him, though for different reasons, as did most of the servants. Duchess Erex, though, was different. Carine Erex was really the only positive maternal figure Janus had ever had. And he was relieved beyond belief that she was the one to open the door.

“Hello, Your Grace,” Janus greeted with a smile.

Carine scoffed. “I’ve told you many times, dear one, you may call me Carine.” Her hair was up in a practical bun, and she wore a riding outfit. She must have been about to go out. He wondered how Duke Erex felt about her wearing pants instead of a skirt.

Janus grinned. “Your husband might murder me if I tried.”

Carine’s expression turned sour. “Yes, I suppose so.” She shook her head and smiled again. “Are you here to see Remus?”

“And Patton, if they’re both home,” Janus responded.

“I believe they’re in the greenhouse. Patton wanted to do some gardening today,” Carine said. “Go ahead, dear. And tell anyone I invited you in if they ask.”

Janus let out a small sigh of relief. “Thank you, Carine,” he said.

She winked. “Don’t mention it.”

They traded places, Janus going into the house as she went out, and she closed the door between them. The greenhouse, which was attached to the house, was not far from the front door, thankfully. Janus arrived there without seeing another person.

Patton was wearing his gardening outfit, the too-big shirt and patched pants reminding Janus of a child gardening with their mother. The whole ensemble was muddy, from wide-brimmed hat to gigantic boots.

Remus lounged nearby, sideways and upside down on a fainting couch with his torso and head hanging off. Janus wondered if the blood was rushing to his head. His tie, jacket, and waistcoat were discarded and his shirt unbuttoned. He held a book in front of his face, probably another horror novel.

Janus cleared his throat, and two sets of eyes turned to him before Patton let out an ear-piercing squeal.

“Janus!” he cried. “There you are! We were worried!”

Janus grimaced. “Yeah. Something came up.” He looked down at his wine-stained pants and realized he’d been in the presence of the prince like this. He wanted to hit himself. Then his eyes fell on Remus again. Remus’s expression was tired, angry, and sorrowful. He looked absolutely miserable.

Janus walked over and perched himself on the arm of the couch. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked softly.

Remus shook his head. “Not right now.”

Janus gave a half-smile. “Okay. Then we’ll talk about something else.”

Patton brushed himself off as well as he could with muddy gloves on, then took the gloves off. “What do you want to talk about, Janus?” he asked softly.

Janus took a deep breath. “I have something fairly serious I wish to discuss, actually. I need you both to listen with an open mind.”

Remus quickly swung himself upright, his impeccable balance unnerving as always. “What’s up, Janny?” His eyes still looked sad despite the rest of his face having taken on an expression of curiosity.

Janus looked away. “I had a vision. A few, actually.”

Silence fell over them for a few moments. Patton was the first to break it. “I thought you didn’t really have those.” He sounded scared, his voice small.

“Yeah,” Janus said. “It’s a new development.”

“Okay…” Remus began. “What kind of visions?”

Janus took a deep breath and recounted not only his visions but everything he’d learned at the palace and Mirror’s Shop of Curiosities. He didn’t look at them until he was finished. When he finally did look, Remus looked… Dismayed? Angry? Shocked? No, certainly not, because now he just looked worried, like Patton.

“Well,” said Patton. He didn’t seem to know what to say after that. He was trying to look brave, Janus noted. He didn’t want Patton to be afraid of him.

Remus apparently did know what to say. “This is bullshit. But! I think I speak for both of us when I say that we’ll do whatever we can to help.”

Patton nodded quickly. “Tell us what you need, Kiddo. I could talk to Roman for you…”

Janus shook his head. “First of all, I am two months younger than you.”

“Baby,” Patton said, nodding decisively.

Janus scowled. “Secondly, I’m going to keep Roman in the dark as long as possible. I don’t think he’ll believe me without more information.”

“We can do that, then,” Remus offered. “I’m good at that.”

“You are,” Janus agreed. “I think that would actually be pretty helpful.”

“You should go check in with Lo again,” Patton suggested. “He needs to know what you learned from Mirror.”

Janus nodded. “That’s good, yes, I can do that.”

Patton tilted his head. “Take a breath, Kiddo.”

“ Two. Months ,” Janus hissed before following Patton’s instructions.

“You got this,” Patton encouraged. “How’s your leg?”

Janus frowned. “Fine. I can rest later, I know that’s what you were going to say.”

Patton frowned back. “You’d better rest later, Mister.”

“Two months,” Janus repeated. “And you’re not my fa-” He paused. “I’m going to go to the palace. Thank you for your help.” He walked out as quickly as he could, trying to get his heart rate under control.

5: The Worshipper

Janus crouched at the top of the stairs, listening. Listening to his parents argue. About him. His mother was of the opinion that they could, “make [him] better,” while his father just wanted to, “get rid of [him].” Janus didn’t want to know what that meant.

He was about to go to his room and get ready to leave, for good, when his father called that name. The name that wasn’t his. It didn’t belong to him. Nonetheless, he was expected to respond to it.

He straightened, brushed his jacket off, smoothed his short hair down, and began to walk down the stairs. “Father, that isn’t my name,” he said stubbornly.

His father’s face was turning purple. “Yes, it is,” he ground out. He pulled a chair up next to the fire—far too close—and said, “Sit.”

Janus did.

His father was pacing as his mother knelt in front of him. His mother pleaded, “We know this isn’t you. Tell me what’s wrong, what has happened. How do we make you want to be our little girl again?”

Janus frowned. “I’ve told you, Mother,” he said softly, “you can’t. I’m not your little girl.”

“Ridiculous!” his father roared. “You stubborn little brat! Just tell us what you want so this can go back to normal!”

“This is normal! This is who I am!” Janus yelled back.

Janus’s father pushed his mother out of the way and grabbed Janus by his collar, pulling him up.

The rest was a blur. Janus remembered being beaten and thrown around, but only vaguely. What was vivid was the left side of his face being pressed to the grate in front of the fire, then slammed against it again and again. He could never forget the feeling of his flesh searing against hot metal.

That was the day Janus was estranged from the Marquis and Marquess de Allerie.

-

The streets were crowded. It slowed Janus’s progress in getting to the palace, but it provided the noise he needed to overrule his racing thoughts. It only left room for one thing. He had to get to the palace and talk to Logan and Remy.

He was lucky in that walking around the streets with a cane meant the people that noticed tried not to bump into him. Unfortunately, someone didn’t notice him.

Janus nearly went tumbling to the ground, barely managing to steady himself. The person who ran into him, though, did fall to the ground. Janus went to help him up. He recognized him vaguely, someone he saw frequently in visiting the palace when he was younger. The baker’s son, he realized. Avery? Alfred? Allen? Something like that.

The man pushed Janus’s hand away and stood on his own. As their hands touched, Janus froze.

He stood in the forest. The air was cool and crisp and smelled like iron, and there was only the moonlight to illuminate the gruesome sight before him. The palace baker lay prone in the dirt, his horse lying nearby and his cart overturned. A pool of dark liquid spread around him, wetting the dirt.

“Are you okay?” asked the baker’s son, and Janus returned abruptly to the busy street.

“Yeah, I’m fine, bu-” Janus began.

“Good,” said the man, and he rushed away before Janus could ask or tell him anything.

Janus swallowed heavily, watching after him. He could still taste the iron smell. Then he turned and continued on his way to the palace.

-

Thomas felt the damp seeping through the seat of his pants as he sat on the log, but he didn’t particularly care. It was cold, sure, but he was more focused on his conversation.

“I dunno, Emi, it’s like he just wants to play with me. Like it’s some kind of game,” he said.

The child sitting in front of him was drawing lines in the dirt, but he looked up to answer. “Maybe that’s his way of showing he likes you. Like when Kyle used to push you over.”

Thomas winced at the memory. “Yeah. Maybe.” He didn’t sound convinced.

Emile sighed. “I think he likes you, Tommy. He even made you that sketch of you. The one you hung up on your wall.”

Thomas smiled. “I know the one. It’s so pretty.”

Emile nodded decisively. “There you go. He likes you.”

“But what if it’s just as friends?” Thomas asked.

Emile shrugged. “You know I always say you should talk about it instead of overthinking.”

Thomas shook his head fondly. “Maybe you’re right, Emi. As always.”

Emile grinned. “Why, thank you!”

“Thomas!” Pryce’s voice called. It sounded like something rather urgent needed his attention. When Thomas looked back to where Emile had been, he was gone. Thomas sighed and stood before jogging in the direction of Pryce’s voice.

Upon reaching the clearing just off the road, Thomas froze. Andy’s father lay in the dirt, dried blood caking the dirt around him. His throat had been slit, and he was so, so pale. Thomas looked to Pryce who knelt next to a pool of vomit. It looked like he was having trouble breathing.

Thomas went and knelt next to him, in between him and the upsetting scene. “Can I touch you?”

Pryce nodded. Thomas placed a hand on Pryce’s back and rubbed it.

“We’ll do everything we can,” Thomas assured him softly. “We’ll take him back for a proper burial and do whatever Andy needs. I know it’s terrifying, and that it hurts, so badly right now. It hurts more than anything. But it will be okay, eventually.”

Pryce nodded again. “Okay.” He paused. “He was like a father to me.”

“I know,” Thomas said softly. “You go back to camp, and I’ll carry him back there. Ready the horses and put out the fire. Can you do that?”

Pryce nodded yet again. Thomas helped him to stand, then he turned and walked back towards their camp.

Thomas sighed and turned back to the baker. He crouched next to him and offered a small prayer to the Death Goddess, then hefted the body into his arms.

-

Thomas screamed as he fell to his knees in the remnants of his home. The scorched bodies of his fathers were contorted in fear, and he wanted to scrub the sight from his eyes.

His brother lay in a makeshift grave in the forest. Thomas had built it from stones and mud. He hoped it was enough for Emile to rest peacefully.

“ Thomas,” said a small voice.

Thomas looked up. Emile stood over him and offered him a hand, pulling Thomas to his feet when he took it.

“ Emile?” Thomas asked, dumbfounded.

“ Yeah. The Death Goddess and the Magic Goddess took me in. I’m sort of a god now? Or, I will be,” Emile said. “It’s hard to explain.”

“ Oh,” Thomas said softly.

“ You have to get up,” Emile told him. “You have to walk to the nearest town and ask for help. Please, Thomas. You have to live.”

Thomas had never been able to say no to that face.

-

Patton grabbed Remus’s hand as they entered the shop. A bell attached to the door rang out. There was a bored-looking teenager at the counter, leaning their elbows on the counter with their chin in their hands. They had bright red hair that fell over one eye in the front and ended at their neck in the back. Their clothes were largely black and red, very expensive colors to dye fabric in, though the clothes themselves looked fairly plain.

Remus squeezed Patton’s hand. Patton had always been uncomfortable around anything to do with magic.

“Hey there, Kiddo!” he greeted the teenager nonetheless.

They finally looked up, having been unfazed by the bell. “Hi, welcome to Pierre’s Powerful Particulars, home of many useful magical items. How may I help you today?” they droned.

“We want to trade for information,” Remus said. “Are you the proprietor of this shop?”

The teenager huffed out a small breath. “Hell no. I’ll go get Pierre.”

“Thank you very much,” Patton said with a friendly smile. He was sure he looked nervous.

The teenager waved their hand and disappeared into the back of the shop.

Patton cast his eyes around nervously. Remus squeezed his hand again. Patton smiled at him.

A tall man, probably in his late twenties, walked out of the back of the shop. He looked tired. He clearly hadn’t shaved in a while, but not long enough to grow much of a beard. His long blond hair was pulled back into a bun at the nape of his neck. His dark eyes looked glazed over.

Poor guy must be really tired , Patton thought.

“Pierre, at your service,” the man said.

“We need some information,” Remus said. “We are prepared to pay handsomely.”

The man smiled. Something about it unsettled Patton. “Well, I hope I can provide what you need.”

“What do you know about the Dragon Witch?” Remus asked. Patton decided he also didn’t like that Remus had gone into all-business mode.

“Oh,” Pierre said, “I can tell you about her.”

6: The Nanny

By the time Janus got back to the palace, he was in a very sour mood. From the crowds, the exchange with Patton that almost ended in him saying something regrettable, the vision from Andy, and the pain in his back and leg. Nonetheless, he continued to walk, making his way into the palace and beginning the search for Logan.

It didn’t take long to find him, returning some clean blankets to one of the linen closets.

Janus cleared his throat. “We need to talk,” he said when Logan turned his head to look at him.

“Come in,” Logan said.

Janus walked into the linen closet and closed the door behind him. It wasn’t as cramped as it seemed when looking into it from outside. He took a deep breath. “I have troubling news. I’ve talked with the proprietor of one of the shops, and it seems we’re dealing with someone called the Dragon Witch, who has taken the name Adalinda Draco and gotten herself a noble title.”

Logan’s eyes widened. “That sounds unpleasant.”

Janus nodded. “Her powers supposedly include mind control. And Roman must defeat her. Apparently my having the vision means I’m supposed to help.”

Logan began to pace in the small space. “What do we do, then?”

“Remus and Patton have been filled in, and they’re looking into that now,” Janus replied.

Logan nodded. “As soon as they find that information, we should take action. Time is certainly of the essence.”

“Definitely. I just have to convince Roman when the information becomes available to us,” Janus said, his tone and expression both defeated and nervous.

“I have to talk to Remy,” Logan said as he opened the closet. “But first, let me walk you to the gate. You look exhausted.” They began to walk together.

Janus grimaced. “I’m that obvious, huh?”

Logan pressed his lips into a tight line and let the silence hang for a moment. Then he said, “There’s nothing wrong with needing to rest. Taking care of yourself is important.”

Janus laughed sharply. “I give that advice all the time. I suppose I haven’t applied it to myself.”

Logan hummed thoughtfully. “Maybe you should give that a try.”

“Thanks, Logan.”

Logan nodded.

As they rounded a corner, they passed Virgil. He gave a little wave. “Hi, Janus. Hi, Lo.”

Virgil rounded the corner, and Logan turned his head slightly, looking wistfully at where Virgil had been.

“You should talk to him,” Janus said after looking around to make sure no one was nearby.

Logan bristled. “I talk to him all the time.”

Janus scoffed. “About feelings, Logan.”

Logan shook his head. “There’s nothing to do about it. He’s… out of my reach.”

Sighing, Janus looked away. “Just a little advice.”

They reached the door to the palace, and they walked down the path to the gate in silence.

“Get home safe,” Logan said.

“I’ll certainly try,” replied Janus.

They both turned and began to walk in opposite directions. The streets were less crowded now, and Janus made it home in far less time than it would have taken earlier. He thought about Logan’s advice to take a rest, and Patton’s demand that he rest. He put out his “Open” sign and went to clean up a little. He’d do some readings and then rest. Putting it off surely wouldn’t hurt… too badly.

-

Janus was in the middle of listening to a customer’s question about their future when he heard a knock on the door. Specifically, Remus’s knock pattern. He paused, then interrupted the customer, “I need to check on this, I’ll be right back.”

When he opened the door, Remus was there, looking worried and somewhat upset. Patton stood slightly behind him with the same expression on his face. “What’s wrong?” Janus asked.

“Um, we have something kind of important to tell you,” Patton said, then began to chew on his lip. He paused for a moment, then wrinkled his brow. “You’re not resting.”

Janus cast a glance over his shoulder. “Can it wait a little? I’m with a customer.”

“I guess,” said Remus. But Janus had never seen him so on-edge.

Sighing, Janus gestured for them to come in. “You guys go to my room, I’ll be right there.”

They both walked past the customer and into the back room.

Janus walked over to the customer. “I’m very sorry, but something has come up. If you’ll come back later, I’ll do your reading for half price.”

They looked a little miffed, but the customer did leave. Janus sighed and went to join Remus and Patton. “What’s wrong?” he asked, concerned.

Patton and Remus looked at each other.

“The Dragon Witch,” said Patton. “She’s a real nasty character.”

“What do you mean?” Janus asked, his heart jumping in his chest.

Remus tried to perk up, but it didn’t quite work. “Well, it’s mostly just rumors, but, supposedly, she started the war in Louria, killed the prince of Hertland, and has razed quite a few villages.”

Janus’s eyes gradually widened. “That’s… not good.”

Patton quickly added, “But we think there’s a way to defeat her. We were told that the source of her power is an enchanted mirror.”

“So we destroy that,” Janus said.

“It’s not that simple,” Remus replied. “The mirror is hidden away in a cave in the Droiler Mountains. She connects with it through other mirrors.”

Janus hissed out a sigh. “Well… Do we know where the cave is exactly?”

Patton nodded and pulled out a map from his messenger bag.

Janus hummed. “That’s about a three days’ walk, six round trip,” he said. “And… Unfortunately, according to my visions, Roman has to come with me. You two can stay here if you like, though.”

Remus and Patton locked eyes again. Patton nodded.

“Fuck that, let’s go on a quest!” Remus said. “Besides, you may need help kidnapping my brother.”

Janus sighed.

-

For the third time that day, Janus walked to the palace, this time with companions. The sun was moving lower and lower in the sky. He was distracted, trying to come up with what to say to Roman. Patton flitted around him worriedly as they walked. He kept asking if Janus was alright, if he needed to stop. He said that they could go tomorrow, that Janus needed rest. Janus just hummed and mumbled basic responses. “I’m fines,” and “It’s okays.”

Janus felt like it took very little time to arrive at the palace. Nonetheless, he brought himself back to the present just as Remus told the guards that they had business with Logan. It was a good excuse to be there so late, and it was true as well. The guards let them in.

Janus let Remus take the lead on asking around about where Logan was. Eventually, they caught up with him. “Logan,” Janus called.

Logan turned to see them, and he quickly bowed his head to Remus. “I assume you have something to talk about?”

Janus nodded. “I’ll let Remus explain… I need to talk to Roman. I walked here to stall,” he admitted.

Patton furrowed his brow. “Janus, your leg…”

Janus set his jaw. “I’m fine , Patton. You three discuss what needs to be done. It’ll help when I drag Roman back here.”

Logan sighed, and Remus gave him a concerned look as well. “I’ll be okay, I promise,” Janus said. He turned abruptly and left before he could be lectured on the importance of taking breaks.

When he finally got back to Duke Erex’s estate, it was dark, and he was limping pretty heavily. One of the servants opened the door. Thankfully, it was Grey, who was sympathetic to Janus. “Young Master Remus isn’t here, Janus,” they said.

“I know,” Janus answered. “I’m here to see Roman.”

Grey raised an eyebrow, but nodded. “He’s in the study. The Duke isn’t there, don’t worry.”

Smiling in relief, Janus stepped inside when Grey gave him space to. “Thank you, Grey.” He walked away quickly, trying to avoid anyone else. Another servant brushed past him in the hall outside the study, knocking into the arm holding his cane and nearly kicking the cane out from under him. Janus nearly fell. He righted himself and took a deep breath before knocking on the study door.

“Come in!” Roman’s voice called. Janus did his best not to hobble as he entered. He closed the door behind him.

Roman looked up, then his eyes widened in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

Janus took another breath. “I have something to talk to you about.”

Roman furrowed his brow, but then gestured for Janus to continue.

Janus told his story in great detail, trying to make sure Roman would believe him. To his surprise, Roman listened quietly.

When Janus was finished, Roman stood from behind the desk, then walked toward Janus. Janus straightened as much as he could, but Roman still towered over him. He swallowed with difficulty.

“You really think I would believe all that? That I’m so gullible I’d just listen to you?” Roman asked.

“Roman, it’s true,” Janus said as earnestly as he could, fighting against the annoyance that wanted to creep into his voice.

Roman grit his teeth. “I can’t believe you! Why do you want to make a fool of me?”

Janus shrank back a little. “I know I wasn’t always nice to you when we were growing up, but this isn’t about you and me! This is more important than us!”

“Why do you always feel the need to antagonize me?!”

“Oh, please! You do the same!”

“You little-”

The door swung open. In swept Galena, Roman and Remus’s nanny, carrying a basket of clean dishes. She took in the scene before her. “Hm. What are you two fighting about now?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Roman frowned, almost a pout, like a child who knew they were about to be in trouble. “He’s trying to convince me that I need to go off with him to save the kingdom.”

“It’s true!” Janus insisted. “I saw you fighting the Dragon Witch! I saw it, Roman!”

Roman turned back to him. “You’re really doubling down?”

Galena raised a hand, then pinched her fingers together. “Quiet.” She stepped closer to the two of them, taking in Janus’s expression. “Roman, he’s clearly telling the truth.”

“What?!” Roman asked.

“Look at his eyes,” Galena requested.

Roman peered into Janus’s face, and Janus clenched his free hand into a fist at his side, his knuckles going white as he tried not to flush from having the attention on him. Whatever Roman saw with his deep green eyes seemed to surprise him. He stepped back. “What do we do now?” he asked Janus.

Janus breathed a sigh of relief. “We go to see Remus and Patton at the palace. They’re discussing it with a servant who knows about it. They’ll have an idea of what our next steps should be.”

Roman nodded, surprisingly agreeable. “Great. Let me finish on this last report, then we’ll go.”

7: The Baker

Logan led Patton and Remus toward the scullery, where Remy was supposed to be helping out that day. “So, Patton,” Logan said, “It’s been a while since we got to talk.” His voice felt stilted and awkward.

Patton nodded, giving him a smile, even though he didn’t turn to see it. “Yeah. I’ve missed you and Prince Virgil.”

Remus tilted his head. “You should visit them sometimes, Pat.”

Patton’s smile fell. “I guess, but right now we have serious things to talk about.”

“Indeed,” Logan agreed. He opened the door to the scullery and held up a finger in a gesture for Patton and Remus to stay in the corridor. He returned shortly with Remy at his side.

“Hello,” Patton said with another smile. “I’m Patton, nice to meet you.”

“Remy, at your service,” Remy answered.

Remus waved a hand. “Remus, it’s a pleasure.”

Logan cleared his throat. “Let’s go somewhere less… open.”

Patton’s eyes widened. “Right! Lead the way!”

Remy grabbed Logan’s arm, much to Logan’s apparent annoyance, and began to walk. A short walk later, they found themselves in the servants’ quarters. Remy opened a door and gestured for the rest to go inside, then followed when they did. He checked no one was around and closed the door. “You have information?” he asked when he turned to face them, lowering his tinted glasses slightly, an excited look in his eyes.

“Yes!” Patton said. “It’s… There’s this mirror we have to go destroy to take away the Dragon Witch’s powers, but it’s in a cave in the mountains, and it’s going to be a long journey, and Remus and I are going with Janus and Roman to do that,” he said far too quickly.

Logan and Remy seemed to catch all of it, though. Remy hummed. “Well, I have to go with you guys. I’m not missing this.”

Logan hummed. “I suppose I should stay here, then.”

“I want to go too,” a voice said from the doorway.

They all jumped and turned to face the door, where Prince Virgil stood leaned against the door frame.

There was silence for a few moments, then Logan frowned. “No.”

“No?” Virgil asked, frowning back.

“It’s too dangerous, Your Highness,” Logan answered.

“I’m a grown adult,” Virgil shot back.

“A grown adult who’s never been in any real danger. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Logan said, sounding slightly agitated.

“And you’re just overprotective! I’m a healer! I can help!” Virgil cried.

“Prince Virgil-”

“Actually,” Remus interrupted, “a healer might be helpful.”

Logan shot him a glare.

“See?” Virgil said. “They want me to come!”

“Kiddo, Lo’s right. It’s really dangerous,” Patton said.

“Virgil,” Logan said, successfully catching Virgil’s attention. “I just want you to be safe.”

Virgil tilted his head. “I will be, Logan.”

Logan sighed softly. “Then I’m coming too. The other servants can fend for themselves for a while.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow and flushed slightly, then a triumphant smile split his face. “Cool.”

“Won’t people look for you?” Patton asked.

“Hm,” Virgil paused for a moment, “I think I have an idea.”

-

“Where are we going?” Patton asked as he, Logan, and Remus followed Virgil down the road. 

Virgil was focusing very hard on not tripping over the boots he’d borrowed from Logan, which were about two sizes too large. “Mh,” he hummed, “you’ll see.” He pulled the hood of his cloak down further. He was clearly trying not to be recognized. Patton wasn’t sure if Logan tagging along would help with that.

They finally slowed outside a bakery. The bakery that served the palace more often than not. Virgil opened the door, and the group made their way inside. 

The baker’s son–Andy, Patton’s brain supplied–popped up from behind the counter, surveying them with a raised eyebrow. “How may I help you?”

Virgil looked around, then lowered his hood. “I need a favor.”

Andy rushed to bow, but Virgil quickly waved for him to straighten up. 

“It’s fine, um…” Virgil cleared his throat. “I have somewhere I need to go, but no one can know I’m gone. You look so much like me…”

“Ooooh, no,” Andy said. “Nope. I can’t. That’s not going to work.”

“Andy, please,” Virgil said. He looked around furtively again. “It’s very important. The Dragon Witch has infiltrated the castle, and I need to go destroy her power at its source. We need your help.”

Andy’s shoulders fell. “The Dragon Witch? I… Who’s going to run the bakery?”

“I think I know a couple people who owe me a favor,” Patton said. “I’m sure I’ll find someone.”

A small sigh escaped Andy’s lips. “You’re sure about this?” 

Virgil nodded. “It’ll be absolutely fine. Just lay low, and I’ll be back before you know it. A week, tops.”

Andy nodded. “Okay. Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Thank you,” Virgil said. “You're doing the kingdom a great service.”

With a sigh, Andy walked around from behind the counter. “I’m glad to help, I guess.”

-

Patton held up a lock of Andy’s hair and carefully took the scissors to it. “You know, Logan, I don’t think anyone would have noticed that Andy’s hair is longer than Virgil’s. It’s not that much longer.”

“Better safe than sorry,” Logan said with the smug tone of someone who had just gotten their way. 

Patton brushed the hair off of Andy’s shoulders. “Look in the mirror and tell me what ya think,” he instructed Andy, who did as told.

Virgil approached to look Andy over. “...Well, this is uncanny.”

Andy turned to look back at Virgil. “Tell me about it.”

“Makeup time!” Remus announced with perhaps a bit too much excitement. 

Andy sighed. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to apply it myself after you leave…”

“We’ll keep it simple,” Virgil promised. “Come on.” 

Andy followed Virgil to the vanity table and sat facing the mirror. “And what do I do if someone notices I’m not you?” he asked. 

“No one will notice,” Logan assured him, “because you will lay low and pretend to be ill. Ask not to be bothered, and no one will bother you.”

Andy took a deep breath, grimacing slightly as Remus and Virgil simultaneously began to apply makeup to his face. 

“Eyes open,” Virgil instructed. “You need to see what we’re doing.”

Patton leaned against the wall, watching as Remus and Virgil lectured Andy on what to do with the makeup, Virgil very seriously and Remus with the occasional off-color remark.

Remy emerged from the walk-in closet with an armful of clothes and began laying them out on the bed.

There was a knock at the door.

“Got it,” Patton said, pushing himself away from the wall.

When he opened the door, there stood Pryce and Thomas. “Oh,” said Pryce, “hello, Patton. Do you happen to know where Andy is? Or Logan, he might know.” 

“Ah, um…” Patton began.

Pryce looked past Patton, and his facial expression fell when he spotted Andy. He raised his eyebrows in confusion. “Why is he here?” He took in more of the scene. “What’s going on?”

“Pryce?” Andy asked. 

Logan and Patton locked eyes. It took less than a second for them to come to an agreement. 

Patton stepped aside for Pryce and Thomas to enter. “Hi, Thomas,” he said

“Hi, Patton,” Thomas answered with a tense smile. 

Logan walked over to them as Patton closed the door. “Andy is doing us a huge favor. Prince Virgil has somewhere he needs to go without anyone knowing he’s leaving.” He looked over at Andy. “I think it’s safe to say you’re nervous? Will having Pryce around to help you ease your mind?”

“Yeah,” Andy said. “That would help.”

Pryce still looked somewhat confused, but he nodded at Andy’s answer. “I’ll help however I can. But…” He shifted his gaze to Andy. “Andy, I need to talk to you for a moment.” 

Virgil and Remus moved away from Andy so that he could get up. 

“What is it?” Andy asked, tone full of trepidation.

Pryce jerked his head toward the closet. “I think it would be best to have this conversation in private.”

Andy looked back at Virgil, and Virgil waved for them to go. He followed Pryce, clenching and unclenching his fist at his side. 

The door closed heavily when Andy pushed it. It left Pryce and him in complete silence. “What is it?” he asked carefully.

“We, ah… Your dad,” Pryce said. “We think he was attacked by bandits. It was far too late by the time we got there.” Pryce’s voice was breaking, but he made it through giving Andy the news. 

Andy shook his head, tears welling in his eyes. “No…”

“Andy, I’m sorry,” Pryce said. “I’m so sorry.”

Andy choked back a sob, placing his hand over his mouth. “No,” he repeated. He was unsuccessful in holding back his next sob. The dam broke, and he couldn’t stop himself from crying out in distress as the sobs overwhelmed him. 

Pryce opened his arms, and Andy dove into them again, clinging to him with all his might. He shook like a leaf as he cried into Pryce’s shoulder. Pryce rubbed his back, muttering empty words that meant nothing to either of them.

8: The Childhood Friends

By the time Janus and Roman arrived, Andy had calmed down a fair bit. Remus was showing him the different makeups and brushes, and Logan was filling in Thomas and Pryce on the situation, as well as clarifying some things for Andy. Remy had just returned from making preparations for his and Logan’s absence, and Patton and Virgil were packing Virgil’s things.

Roman looked around at the activity of the room. “How many people know about this?” he asked.

“Only the people in this room,” Logan answered. Janus nodded in confirmation.

Roman counted quickly. “I feel like this is too many people.”

“We’ll need as much help as possible, won’t we?” Janus pointed out. 

“I… suppose so,” Roman said. 

Janus sat down in the nearest chair, trying not to look too tired. “So, to recap,” he said, “Duchess Adalinda Draco is really the Dragon Witch, and she’s conspiring with Prince Eschive to kill the King. Her power comes from a mirror that she keeps in a cave in the Droiler Mountain Range. We need to destroy it. Virgil is coming, so Andy is taking his place and pretending to be him until we return. The journey should be six days, round trip. Three days to the cave, three days back. Everyone clear?”

There was a general murmur of consensus that rumbled through the room. 

Janus looked up at Roman. “From now on, I suppose I’ll defer to you.”

Roman looked around the room again. “Do we know exactly where we’re going?”

“I’ve got a map,” Remus answered without looking up from the makeup laid out on the vanity table. “Ooh, this one would be perfect for hiding that scar.”

“Remus, focus,” Roman groaned.

“I am! This is important, too, you know,” Remus chided. “I got the guy at the magic shop Patton and I visited to show me where on the map the cave should be.”

Roman nodded briskly. “And who is going on the journey?”

“You and me,” Janus answered.

“And myself,” Logan said.

“Patton and me too,” added Remus.

“And me,” said Remy. 

“And me,” echoed Virgil.

“I’ll go too,” Thomas chimed in.

Roman nodded. “That makes eight.”

“We should leave as soon as possible,” Janus reminded them. 

Again, Roman nodded. “We’ll meet just after midnight tonight. Everyone needs to pack for the journey. We can meet outside the north gate of the capital, in the treeline so the guards don’t see us and bother us.”

Logan frowned. “Are you sure we shouldn’t plan more?”

“Do you think we have time?” Roman shot back. 

Logan pursed his lips. “I suppose not.”

“Get ready,” Roman said. “We leave tonight.”

-

Andy sat staring at himself in the mirror. Everyone else had left the room, many of them to their own homes to pack, Pryce with Thomas to the temple, and Virgil to his closet for the moment. His face didn’t look quite like him. Definitely more like the prince than himself. He touched his cheek lightly over his now-invisible scar and looked down at his hand. Only the faintest hint of powder dusted his fingertips.

Virgil reentered the room with an armful of traveling clothes and an empty knapsack hanging from the other hand. He set it all down on the bed and looked to where Andy was still sitting next to the vanity.

Andy looked up only when Virgil sat down in a chair he pulled up next to him, then bowed his head slightly. “Your Highness.”

Virgil coughed and cast his gaze to the side. “You don’t need to… Um, you really don’t have to tell me, but I was wondering if you’d like to talk about whatever Pryce said to make you so upset…”

Andy sniffed, blinking at the stinging in his eyes. “My father went on a trip for some seasonal ingredients. When he didn’t return, I got Pryce and Thomas to go look for him. He was attacked.” His words were stilted, ground out past the lump in his throat. He grit his teeth and clenched his fist.

A look of understanding spread across Virgil’s face, and his shoulders fell. “My condolences,” he said. “You probably don’t want to hear any platitudes right now. But I can sit with you for a while, if you like.”

Andy shook his head. “You need to pack. I’ll be okay.” He sniffed again.

Virgil sighed. “We haven’t been that close in a long time, but you’re still my friend, Andy. I want to help.” He smiled a little. “Besides, we both know that Logan will be packed in no time and back to either help or nag me. I can at least sit right here until he gets back.”

Andy managed a tense smile. “Thanks, Virge.”

Virgil grinned and ruffled Andy’s newly-cut hair. “Least I can do for a childhood friend.”

He hesitated for a moment before holding his arm out. Andy leaned into him, and he wrapped that arm around him.

“I wish I could do more,” Virgil murmured. “I wish I could stay.”

“They need a mage,” Andy said, muffled by Virgil’s shoulder. “They’ll probably get themselves killed without you.”

Virgil huffed out a small laugh. “Knowing Duke Erex’s sons, that might not be an exaggeration.”

They fell quiet, the tension of Virgil’s nerves and Andy’s sadness hanging in the air. The silence remained until Logan arrived to scold Virgil for not having packed yet, which sent the two into a fit of laughter.

9: The Mage

Janus stood against a tree, waiting for the others to arrive. The moon was high overhead, waxing, and it bathed the forest canopy in silvery light that soaked through the leaves to dapple the ground beneath. His eyes focused in on movement off to his left, and he tensed, reaching for the dagger he’d strapped to his belt.

“Calm down, it’s me,” someone grumbled, and Janus relaxed when he recognized the voice.

“I expected you to get here first, or maybe Logan,” Janus commented as Roman came to stand a few feet away from him.

Roman yawned and grumbled.

“Not a morning person, huh?” Janus asked with an amused smile.

“Shut up. It’s not even morning yet,” Roman snapped.

Janus held his hands up and stifled a small laugh. “Cut your nap short to get your hair perfect, did you?”

Roman glared at him, and he had to stifle another laugh. A surprisingly comfortable silence fell.

Virgil and Logan arrived next, Remy trailing behind them.

Thomas came next, then Remus and Patton.

At this point, Roman had recovered his attitude and superior airs, and he was questioning everyone on whether or not they had packed everything they might need. Logan quickly joined, and the rest realized that those two in combination might be an actual living nightmare.

“Hey, Dipshit,” Remus said finally, reaching into his bag. He produced a rolled-up map and held it out toward Roman.

Roman reached for it, then hesitated.

Remus jabbed the paper toward his brother. “You’re our intrepid leader.”

Roman took the map.

Remus grinned. “Don’t fuck it up.”

-

The group had traveled mostly in silence for several hours until the sun rose. As the morning sun began to shine, Patton began talking.

“You know, I think we ought to get to know each other better, you know, as a group.”

Logan gave him a withering look. “Must we?”

“Yes,” Patton answered matter-of-fact-ly. “We should take turns saying fun facts about ourselves.” He was met with silence. “Okay, I’ll go first. I’m Patton, and I can say the alphabet backwards.”

“You can?” Logan asked before Janus could warn him.

“Yep!” Patton said with a grin. “Listen,” he paused for effect. “’The alphabet backwards.’”

Logan blinked, and Virgil, Roman, Thomas, and Remy all snickered. Then realization dawned on him, followed by a devastated thousand-yard stare.

Patton burst into giggles. “Okay, okay,” he said through his laughter. “Remus next!”

Remus smiled. “I’m Remus, and I tricked Patton into marrying me.”

“Remus!” Patton chided. “You did not trick me!”

“Nope,” Remus answered. “You fell desperately in love with me all on your own because I’m irresistible.”

“Ew!” Roman and Janus exclaimed simultaneously. They locked eyes for a second, then silently agreed never to mention it again.

Patton sighed, a smile still on his face. “Okay, Jan, your turn.”

Janus’s eyes widened. “Me? Why me?”

“Because you’re the first one I looked at!” Patton replied.

Janus sighed. “Well… I’m Janus, and I guess I see the future now.”

“We all knew that already,” Patton protested.

“Okay, fine, then… Um, I guess… Oh, I once helped Remus fill Roman’s room with feral cats,” Janus said. “That’s a pretty fun fact.”

“You what?!” Roman screeched.

Janus rubbed at his ear. “Ow.”

“I thought you had ‘nothing to do with that’!”

Janus huffed. “I lie, Roman, we’ve established this.”

“Ooookay!” Patton intervened. “Next…. Um, Logan!”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Well, I am Logan, and I work as head of servants at the palace, a role which I share with Remy. I am also Prince Virgil’s personal manservant.”

“Lolo, we already knew that, too,” Patton said.

“I really do not know what you want from me, Patton,” Logan said.

“Well…” Patton began. “Oh! How about your favorite sweet!”

Logan blinked. “I suppose that would be the jam the palace cook makes.”

Virgil grinned. “I once saw him eat a whole jar in one sitting, three days in a row,” he said.

Logan’s face went still. “Falsehood. You’ve fabricated this.”

“Mmmh, I don’t think I have, Lo,” Virgil answered.

“How about you, Prince Virgil?” Patton prompted.

“Oh,” Virgil said. “Well, first of all, I’d prefer if all of you just call me Virgil. At least for this journey. Um… What’s a good fact about me? Ah, um, I can do this,” he said, and summoned a small ball of light in the palm of his hand. They all watched as it morphed through several animal shapes before settling on a cat that stretched, arched its back, then curled up in Virgil’s hand before slowly fading.

“Woah,” Patton said. “You’ve gotten so much better at that!”

“Very impressive,” Thomas agreed with a smile.

“And you, Thomas?” Patton asked.

“Oh, well, I’m Thomas, and I like to sing,” Thomas answered. He hummed a scale in demonstration.

“Wow!” Patton exclaimed. “I didn’t know that.”

“You don’t know everything about everyone, Pat,” Virgil pointed out.

“If I did, I’d be Janus,” Patton joked.

“I don’t know everything about everyone,” Janus informed them. “Just the things I can use in my favor.”

Roman mumbled something, and Janus pretended not to have noticed.

“I’ll go next,” Remy volunteered. “I’m Remy, and I make the best coffee and tea in the world.”

“You know I make better Earl Grey than you,” Logan interjected.

“In your dreams, Girl,” Remy responded.

“His coffee is pretty good,” Virgil admitted.

“Your turn, Roman,” Patton said.

“I hear a river,” Roman said in lieu of an answer.

“Perfect,” Logan said. “That should be a good place to rest briefly and gather some water if it’s clean. If not, we should probably gather it anyway and build a fire to heat it.”

The group headed toward the sound. Janus slowed, getting a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Then Patton called his name, and he hurried to catch up.

The river was wide and flowed briskly, though not quick enough to pose any danger should they need to cross it. Virgil looked around at the edge of the trees by the river, and his stomach flipped as he heard a snatch of song.

“Guys, wait!” he exclaimed. “I think I know where we are!”

The music got louder. Virgil quickly slapped his hands over his ears and spat out a quick incantation, causing the rest of the group to do the same and freeze that way. Someone was still moving, though.

Logan was walking toward the river’s edge at a leisurely pace, a blank smile on his face.

Virgil’s eyes widened, and he murmured another incantation to muffle all sound for himself. He ran to Logan and looked toward the river.

Logan looked toward the river too. He didn’t notice Virgil next to him. Instead, he saw Virgil sitting on the rocky bank, singing. He held a flower in his hand, which he looked up from only to bat his thick lashes at Logan.

Virgil saw the creature for what it was. Its face was covered in a mix of scales and feathers, the skin between gray and withered. Its hunched shoulders drew close to its thin neck as it sang. A slimy, pointed tongue darted out over chapped lips.

Virgil planted himself in between the thing and Logan, hands on Logan’s shoulders. But Logan was physically stronger than him, especially under the creature’s influence. Logan forced him to take a step back, then another. “Logan, please,” Virgil said. “Logan, it’s not real,” he begged. “Whatever you see, it’s not real. It’s going to kill you, Logan, please!”

Logan kept pushing forward towards the river.

“Logan!” Virgil exclaimed, glancing back to see they were only a few meters away from the bank now. “Logan, I need you to be safe! I need you, Logan! Please!” he cried, throwing his arms around Logan’s shoulders.

Logan stopped, the melody shortly after. “Virgil?” he asked, looking down at the prince in confusion.

Virgil nearly sobbed with relief, sagging against Logan’s chest.

The rest of the group removed their hands from their ears, staggering slightly.

A screech rang through the air, and Virgil felt a hand close around his ankle, sharp claws digging in. He was yanked back and nearly fell.

Logan closed his arms around Virgil quickly, eyes widening. “Virgil!”

The others were pretty quick to realize what was happening and rushed over. Janus, Remus, Patton, and Remy all grabbed onto Virgil tightly and began to pull with Logan, while Roman and Thomas each drew their swords. They rushed the creature and began taking swipes at it, though they couldn’t seem to penetrate its steel-like scales.

Janus kicked at the creature’s face, and it used its free hand to swipe at him, tearing his pants and leaving long gashes across his upper thigh. In his surprise, he let go of Virgil and staggered back, and the creature managed to pull Virgil a little closer to the water. Remus let go, too, as soon as he noticed Janus’s injury.

Roman scanned his eyes over the revolting creature, and he finally brought his blade down hard on its wrist, cleanly severing its hand.

It screeched again and reeled back, and Remy, Patton, Logan, and Virgil toppled over into a pile. The creature disappeared into the water with a splash, leaving a trail of viscous brown blood.

Virgil looked down to see the hand still clutching his ankle and cried out. Thomas leaned down to hold his leg still and pried the hand off with the tip of his sword.

Roman rushed over to Janus, who was leaning against a nearby boulder. “Are you okay?” he asked urgently.

Janus nodded. “Fine… I’m fine, just a scratch.”

Roman leaned down to look. “That’s not just a scratch, Janus,” he said, giving him a look. “Take better care of yourself. Hopefully Prince Virgil can heal that in a minute.”

He stood straight and turned to help everyone regroup.

Logan held Virgil close to his chest for a few moments longer as the group began getting ready to move to a safer area. Finally, he helped him stand. “Thank you, Virgil,” he said very seriously.

Virgil managed a weak smile. “No big deal.”

10: The Confidants

The campfire crackled, comforting Patton a great deal. He leaned back, watching the water from the river begin to boil, the additions of the vegetables Virgil had foraged for and whatever type of meat Thomas had managed to acquire when he left for twenty minutes beginning to turn it into more of a broth. He reclined against a particularly old tree and let Janus take over the stirring for a minute. Thomas sat next to him, cleaning a blade. Despite the dire circumstances, he was quite comfortable with this group of people.

Across the fire, Roman sat down in between Janus and Virgil. Logan was on Virgil’s other side, then Remy, but Logan was entirely focused on the map, which Roman had given him to look over while they rested. Thus, Roman seemed to be the only one who caught Virgil poking at his ankle, pants pulled up slightly to reveal a bruise and the beginnings of some swelling. “Are you alright?” Roman asked.

“Mmh,” Virgil answered noncommittally. “I’ll be fine.”

“Can’t you heal it?” Roman pressed.

Virgil frowned. “I haven’t really mastered healing myself yet. Drawing from my own energy just to pour it back into myself… It’s harder than you’d think.”

Roman nodded and reached for his bag. He dug around in it for only a moment before pulling out a small bundle, wrapped in a strip of fabric. He unwound the fabric to reveal another, lighter fabric beneath holding together a poultice. Roman held out the poultice and the strip of fabric. “My nanny, and Remus’s, she made this. Caught me packing and made me bring it.”

Virgil hesitated. “I can’t accept that.”

Roman raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to disturb Logan from his intensive thinking?”

Virgil grimaced. “Okay, okay.” He took the offered poultice and fabric, then pressed the poultice against the worst of the bruising. After securing it with the cloth, he looked up at Roman. “Thanks.”

Roman smiled. “You’re quite welcome, Your Highness.”

Virgil flushed. “Stop that,” he groaned. “I’m nobody’s superior right now. Or in general really-”

“Do I hear self-deprecation over there?” Patton’s voice called.

Sighing, Virgil shook his head. “I am your equal in this journey. How’s that, Pat?”

“Perfect, Virge. Keep it up,” Patton encouraged.

Remy snickered.

“What?!” Virgil snapped. 

Remy shrugged, still smiling to himself.

Virgil grumbled to himself for a moment or two. “Either way, I don’t particularly enjoy the royal titles and all that…”

Roman gasped. “I never would have guessed!” he cried, feigning surprise.

Virgil elbowed him. “Shut up, dummy.”

“That’s the best you’ve got?” Roman asked.

“Oh, no, but if I swear, Logan’s sure to look up, no matter how preoccupied he is.”

“He’s definitely listening,” Remy added. “The boy can multitask.”

Janus looked up from the pot of what could now probably be called soup. “Remus has been gone for a while.”

Patton sat up. “You’re right. Should finding more firewood take this long?”

Roman scoffed. “Please, he’s Remus, he’ll be fine.”

Janus nodded slightly. “He’s right, Patton. It’s Remus. He probably found something gross that interests him, so he’s watching that.”

Patton didn’t look convinced, but he nodded back anyway. “Yeah, you’re probably right, Roman.”

“Of course I am,” Roman said, puffing out his chest.

Virgil, slouching, snorted. “Oh, you’re more of an obnoxious royal than I’ll ever be.”

One of Roman’s hands flew to his chest, and he gasped. “’Obnoxious’?!”

Virgil nodded definitively, though he couldn’t hold back a smile. He giggled.

Roman shook his head. “You wound me, Virgil,” he lamented.

Virgil snorted. Logan looked up briefly, but then seemed to decide it wasn’t worth it and looked back down to the map. Virgil had to hold his hand over his mouth to stifle the laughter at the look Logan had given him.

“Dinner’s ready,” Janus said. “Smells great, thanks Thomas, thanks Virgil.”

Janus began serving the soup into the wooden bowls Logan had been sure to tell everyone to bring. There was just enough for everyone present at the fire and about two more servings.

As they ate, Virgil eyed Patton, who ate far more quickly than Virgil thought he used to, then began glancing at the pot. He caught Janus’s gaze and nodded toward Patton.

Janus watched Patton for a minute, then took Patton’s bowl. He scooped out a smaller serving into the bowl, then dumped the rest of his own into it. When Patton opened his mouth to protest, Janus held up a hand. “We have some leftover things from Virgil’s foraging that I can eat, and you know Remus will only eat one portion.”

Patton couldn’t exactly argue with that. He tried anyway. “But wouldn’t you like the soup better?”

“Nope,” Janus answered. “Doesn’t agree with me.”

Patton frowned.

“You know I’m not going to let up until you eat,” Janus pointed out.

Patton sighed, then smiled a little. “Thanks, Janus.”

Janus waved a hand. “Whatever.” After a moment, he pulled out his journal and a fancy pen he’d kept from his younger years from his bag. He opened it and began to jot down some of the day’s events as well as the visions he hadn’t had time to write about yet. There was a pleasant silence that fell over them for a while. Janus’s pen against papers, the crackle of the fire, and the waking crickets and owls were the only sounds that rang out in the twilight.

Then there were the sounds of footsteps and twigs breaking. Remus loudly made his way to the fire and dumped an armful of firewood near it. He grinned over at Janus and Patton. Patton smiled back, while Janus gave him an unimpressed look.

“We saved you some dinner,” Patton announced.

As soon as Remus held out his bowl, Janus dumped the rest of the soup into it.

“We should rest soon,” Logan said, finally looking up from the map.

Roman yawned as if to punctuate Logan’s statement, causing Virgil to yawn.

Remus swallowed a mouthful of soup. “I’ll take first watch. Get some sleep, everyone.”

“I’ll take the next watch,” Logan said. “Wake me in two hours.”

“Then me,” Janus volunteered.

“I’ll go last,” Roman said.

Virgil and Patton looked up from where they’d been yawning, half asleep.

“Hey, wait,” said Virgil.

“Yeah,” Patton said.

Logan and Roman met gazes. “I suppose we could use one more shift, so everyone gets adequate sleep,” Logan said.

Roman nodded. “Aren’t you going to volunteer, Remy?” he asked.

“Nah,” Remy answered. “I’ll let one of them take it.”

“Me!” said Virgil before Patton could.

Patton pouted at him.

“Okay, Your Highness,” Logan said.

“Lo-” Virgil tried to protest.

Logan smiled tightly. “I am still your subordinate.”

Virgil huffed.

“Lay out your bedrolls,” Roman said. “Get some rest.”

-

Virgil sat on a tree stump with his chin in his hand. He supposed it was good that nothing had happened during his watch, but still, he was very bored. Sunrise was on its way, the sky beginning to lighten ever-so-slightly.

When he heard movement behind him, in their campsite, he turned around quickly. He saw Patton quickly getting out of his bedroll and stumbling off into the forest around the campsite.

Virgil debated in his head for a few moments. If he followed Patton, the campsite would be undefended. But, currently, Patton was undefended. He decided to follow.

He moved as quietly as possible, so as not to disturb the others. He heard Patton begin to retch, and he moved a little more quickly. When he found Patton, he announced his presence softly, “Patton, are you alright?”

Patton managed to nod, though he began emptying the contents of his stomach shortly afterwards.

Virgil moved next to him and gently rubbed his back. “It’s okay, just get it out,” he said as comfortingly as possible.

After a few minutes, Patton straightened up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’m okay,” he rasped.

Virgil reached out and placed his hand on Patton’s forehead, murmuring a quiet incantation. He meant to check what was wrong with him. He instead found something entirely different. “Patton,” he said slowly, “are you…?”

Patton nodded a little. “Um, yeah.” Tears welled up in his eyes. “I, ah, I don’t know what to do! I haven’t told Remus yet, I can’t. What if he’s not ready, or he doesn’t want to- What if I’m not ready?!”

Virgil placed his hands on Patton’s shoulders and looked him in the eyes. “Pat. You will be the best father ever. I know you will. And I’ll be here, no matter what. Whatever happens with Remus, whatever you need. I’m here.”

Patton sniffled and threw his arms around Virgil. He sobbed into Virgil’s shoulder, and Virgil held him tightly, one hand on his back and the other on the back of his head.

“I’ve got you,” Virgil said gently. “I’ve got you.”

-

Patton sat next to Virgil on his bed. “Hi. What’s wrong?”

Virgil huffed out a small laugh. “How do you do that?”

Patton grinned. “I can read minds. Now, tell me.”

Virgil bit his lip, chewing on the dry skin there. “I don’t want you to hate me,” he finally said.

Patton scoffed. “You’re my best friend. Why would I ever hate you?”

Virgil’s frown deepened. “You really want me to tell you something that might make you hate me?”

Patton smiled gently at him. “I could never hate you. You can tell me anything.”

Virgil took a deep breath, then blurted out, “I’m not a girl, I’m a boy, and my name is Virgil!”

Patton took a moment to parse out what Virgil had said, then realization flashed across his face. “Oh, thank the gods,” he breathed out. “Me too.”

Virgil tilted his head, processing.

Patton laughed loudly. “Call me Patton,” he said. “Nice to meet you, Virgil.” He smoothed out his skirt and grinned again at Virgil.

Virgil smiled hesitantly back. “Okay.”

“ Okay,” Patton said. “I’m so glad I got to tell you that.”

“ Me too,” Virgil said, grabbing Patton’s hand.

“ And I’m here for you no matter what,” Patton added.

“ Me too. I’ll always be there for you, Patton.”

Six months later, they both told Virgil’s parents.

A year later, Patton met Remus. They got engaged not long after, and Logan replaced Patton as Virgil’s personal servant. Parting was hard for them. But life moved on. Being on a journey together was nice, though. It felt like no time had passed.

11: The Child God

Janus walked next to Roman as they made their way along the path. Behind them were Patton and Remus, then Logan and Remy. Roman was looking at the map, where Logan had laid out a new, “more efficient” path for them.

“You know you’re holding it sideways, right?” Janus asked.

Roman scoffed. “It’s called looking at something from a different angle. Try it sometime.”

Janus scowled. “You don’t have to get angry every time someone tries to help.”

“Maybe I don’t want your help,” Roman snipped.

“Fine,” answered Janus, Having schooled his expression into calm indifference. “Let’s see how well you do without me.”

“Fine,” said Roman, turning the map completely upside-down.

“Will you two shut up?” Remus groaned.

“No,” Janus and Roman answered at the same time.

“Seriously, shut up,” Remy interjected, “I hear something.”

Everyone paused, listening carefully. There was yelling in the distance.

They all looked at each other, then began to run in the direction of the yelling. Janus lagged behind a bit, so Patton stayed with him.

It didn’t take more than two minutes for the group to come to the clearing in which was nestled a small cottage. In the garden in the front, which was larger than the area of the house, a man and a child were running about with large nets. The man was also holding a shovel.

“Hello?” Roman called. Janus tried to shush him, but it was too late.

The man paused, though the boy continued in his pursuit of… something. The man waved, and Remus waved back.

Remy crossed his arms and looked rather unimpressed.

“What?” Patton asked.

“I don’t do kids.”

“What?” Janus repeated.

“I just don’t like ‘em, hun.”

Janus rolled his eyes and looked to where the twins were already headed toward the house.

“Whether you enjoy the presence of children is not relevant to this situation,” Logan, clearly exasperated, told Remy. “Now… Get over it.” He turned to Patton. “Did I say that right?”

Patton gave him two thumbs up.

They started to walk toward the cottage, Patton and Logan practically dragging Remy. Roman had already reached the front gate.

“And you are?” Roman asked, having already introduced himself and his brother.

“I’m Emile!” the kid cried.

Roman smiled. “Lovely to meet you, Emile.”

The man looked at the group, seeming like he was thinking very hard about something. Finally he said, “I’m Teal. What are you doing here?”

“We,” Roman said, trying to sound important, “are on a quest!”

Janus rolled his eyes. “We heard you yelling, so we came to see if something is wrong.”

“Something is wrong!” Emile exclaimed.

“What is it?” Roman asked.

“Garden gnomes,” the man replied. “We have an infestation.”

“I thought most gnomes lived in the mountains,” Roman said.

“Oh, those are true gnomes,” the man explained. “Garden gnomes are pests that dig up gardens and eat any plant they can find.”

“They get into my garden pretty often,” Janus said.

“And you’d know that if you hung out with the cool group, Ro-Ro,” Remus said with a grin.

Patton elbowed him and muttered, “Be nice.”

“Well, can we help?” Roman asked.

Remy groaned, so Patton elbowed him too.

The man hesitated. “Some extra hands might be useful.” He smiled at Emile, and Emile smiled back.

Roman smiled too. “Perfect.”

Janus held out his hand over the gate to shake the man’s hand, shoving Roman slightly out of the way. “I’m Janus,” he introduced himself. Roman glared at him.

“I’m Patton!” Patton added. “And this is Logan, and Remy!”

Teal nodded. “Okay, so here’s our strategy for trapping the garden gnomes.”

The group filed through the gate as Teal explained that they were trying to drive the pests into the center of the garden on the path, then catch them in one of the nets. Teal was going to dig out any holes that looked like they still had gnomes in them.

Unfortunately, this plan just resulted in all of them running around for a long while like they were being chased by an ogre, except for Emile and Janus, who were keeping the garden gnomes in the center. They had five of them.

By the time they were finished, it was a bit past noon. Teal put the garden gnomes in a burlap sack and asked Roman if he could take them as far out into the forest as possible and release them, so Roman went. Then Teal invited the rest of them inside.

“Dear, we’re all done,” he called, removing his jacket and leaving it on a chair by the door.

They walked through the den and into a kitchen, where a man stood by the oven. He looked over with a fond smile when Teal and Emile entered. His eyebrows shot up when more people followed. Then he smiled again. “I don’t think we have enough chairs, but we’ll make it work! Who are all of you?”

“We’re.. passing through and heard Teal and Emile in the garden,” Janus explained.

“Their friend said they’re on a quest!” Emile added.

Janus sighed. “Roman is prone to dramatics.”

“You can say that again,” Remus said.

“Well,” said the man at the oven. “I just got the stove hot enough. Can I make you lunch in thanks? We can introduce ourselves while I work on that.”

“You don’t have to-” Patton rushed to say.

“I am pretty hungry,” Remus admitted before Patton could quite finish. Patton pouted at him.

Janus couldn’t help but agree.

Teal had already begun dragging in every chair that he could find.

Patton made Janus sit down at the table, then sat next to him.

“So,” said the man as he got ingredients from cabinets. “My name is Dyad. I’m the dad around here,” he said with a small laugh.

“That’s because he’s Papa,” said Emile, pointing to Teal.

Dyad paused for a moment to ruffle Emile’s hair affectionately.

The group introduced themselves again as Dyad cooked. Patton kept offering help and getting refused. After a while, Dyad served food.

They talked pleasantly as they ate, Janus and Teal sharing gardening tips. Once everyone was finished with their lunch, there was a knock on the door.

“Emile, could you get that, honey?” asked Dyad.

Emile hopped up and practically ran to the door. When he opened it, Roman, Virgil, and Thomas stood at the door. “Hi, Roman,” he said happily. He peered around Roman to see the two others. He locked eyes with Thomas. “Thomas!” he cried and practically pushed past Roman to hug Thomas around the waist.

Thomas froze for a moment, then hugged Emile back, his eyes filling with tears. “You can touch me…” he mumbled.

“Only here,” Emile said back. He pulled away, then looked at Virgil. “Hi! I’m Emile!”

Virgil smiled a little, though he looked between Emile and Thomas curiously. “Virgil. Nice to meet you.”

Emile smiled back, then went back inside, gesturing for them to follow him into the house.

They followed, though Thomas walked stiffly and looked around carefully. It was the same, but… different. Very different. It still felt like home.

When they got to the kitchen, tears began to flow down Thomas’s face.

Virgil was the first to notice. He nudged him gently and asked softly, “Are you okay?”

Thomas didn’t respond to him. Instead, he hesitantly asked, “Dad? Papa?”

Both Teal and Dyad turned to look at him, then rushed, almost tripping over themselves, to hug him. Thomas held on to them tightly, trying his hardest not to sob.

Emile hugged Thomas again, too.

“How is this possible?” Thomas choked out.

“Um…” Roman said.

Janus elbowed him in the side, but he continued nonetheless.

“What’s going on?” Roman asked.

Thomas sniffled and wiped at his face.

“I brought Dad and Papa here so I could be with them,” Emile explained, though Roman didn’t find that very helpful to him. Emile continued, looking up at Thomas earnestly. “This is my little corner of the world, where I can live again. You can come here too, someday. But you still have a lot to do.”

“Emile-” Thomas began, but very suddenly, the house was gone. Teal, Dyad, and Emile were gone, too. It left all of them dizzy and disoriented. They sat in weathered chairs around a rotting table, except for Thomas and Virgil, who still stood. Tears flowed freely down Thomas’s face.

-

Thomas didn’t speak again until they were sat around a campfire again. Everyone else was quiet, trying not to disturb him too much as he appeared to be deep in thought. Finally, he looked up, meeting eyes with Remy over his tinted glasses. Thomas’s eyes were bloodshot, and Remy’s eyes had bags under them.

“Emile was my brother,” he said, voice hoarse.

“Was?” Patton asked gently.

Thomas nodded. “He was seven, and I was six, and our village was raided.”

There was silence for several moments. Then Remy spoke up, “You don’t have to talk about it.”

Thomas coughed. “But I should.”

Janus frowned. “You shouldn’t do anything that will cause you pain,” he said.

“I need to,” Thomas insisted.

Remy nodded slightly, face deathly serious for once. He reached over and grabbed Thomas’s hand, squeezing it tightly.

Thomas shot Remy a sad smile, then looked around at the rest of the group. “Teal and Dyad, Papa and Dad, they adopted us before I can remember. They took care of us and made sure we were happy. The other people in our village were amazing, too. We all took care of each other. It was full of good people.” He paused, taking a shaky breath in and letting it out in a heavy sigh. “I’m the only survivor.”

Patton gasped softly, and Remus put an arm around him.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Virgil said.

Thomas shook his head. “It was a long time ago.” He smiled a wobbly smile. “Emile died protecting me. He hid me, and took an arrow to the chest before he could hide himself.”

Remy squeezed his hand again.

“He didn’t die, though, not all the way,” said Thomas. “Some of the goddesses took him in. He’s…”

“The Child God of Magic,” Janus finished in a soft voice.

“How’d you know?” Thomas asked.

Janus frowned. “I just… did.”

“The church was an accident,” Thomas said. “I went to look for help, and I told the people in the next village over that I was saved by my dead brother, and they just kind of… picked it up. We built a temple to him, and they took care of me. The temple helped him gain power, and…”

“How’d you become a knight?” Roman asked.

Thomas shrugged. “I wanted to help people. It made sense.”

Logan, who had been looking down pensively this whole time, looked up. “You gave Emile new life. You should be proud of that.”

Thomas smiled again. “Thanks.”

“We should go to sleep,” Roman said after a bit of silence. “Long day tomorrow.”

Continued in Part 2...

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