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fyodorloveclub · 1 year

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.˳⁺⁎˚ LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND CONFESS YOUR LUST

✧ pairing: brother!bachira x little sister!reader

✧ warnings: dark content, (i)ncest, minors DNI. exhibitionism, risky places, dubcon, vaginal sex, creampie. characters aged up, both reader and bachira are in their 20's

✧ notes: my entry for the lovely @killsaki's family ties collab!! also my first time writing for blue lock!! much more to come hehe likes and rbs very much appreciated :)

✧ word count: 1.7k

dark content disclaimer: this is entirely fiction with absolutely no reflection of reality! i do not condone this nor any other dc i write, pls just block or unfollow if you don't like it, and do NOT report or leave hate comments please!

“Meguru, this is not a good id-” your hushed words were cut off as Bachira pressed his hungry lips against yours, forcing your back against the unfamiliar mattress.

As much as you tried to protest, you couldn’t help but melt into your brother’s touch, shoulders relaxing as you threw your arms around his neck and finally reciprocated his kiss. Bachira wastes no time, using his knee to spread your legs open, and rub his toned thigh against your core. You got lost in the pleasure briefly, letting out the tiniest of moans before you heard a thump downstairs, gasping as you pushed Bachira away from you.

“This is so fucking stupid,” you whispered again, leaning your head against your brother’s chest, still searching for his comfort even in moments like this where you wanted to wring his neck.

Bachira refused to quit, pushing you back against the pillows so he could mouth at your neck, freeing one of his hands to massage you over your panties.

“You act like you hate it, but you still get so wet from me,” Bachira taunted, the signature singsong nature of his voice matching the stupid grin on his face.

All you could do is groan – he was right. It didn’t matter that he had manhandled you all the way up the stairs of your house to throw you into your parent’s bed in hopes of humiliating you, your panties were still soaked from the thought of your brother’s hands on you.

This was all because you had asked him to chill out, at least a little bit. Bachira had always had a thing for exhibitionism and risky places, absolutely loved the high he got from almost getting caught balls deep into his little sister. But he had started to get a little too risky.

Your and Bachira’s relationship had started out pretty innocently – at least as innocent as sexually pursuing your brother could be, anyway. It all began a few months ago when you had let yourself into Meguru’s room to give him his laundry, only to find him shooting white spurts into his fist as he moaned your name. Your name. He invited you in, amber eyes full of mirth, to come help him clean up the mess with your mouth.

First, it was just blowjobs and fingering in the darkness of your bedrooms with the door locked. You were a virgin, so it was okay for your big brother to be three fingers deep into your cunt as he mouthed at your clit, he was just showing you how your future lovers ought to treat you!

But you never thought you’d go further than that, never thought you’d have real sex. Until you did. Shitfaced after a party thrown for a big win for Bachira’s soccer team, he quietly led you to an empty bedroom and laid you down, jumping at the opportunity to slide right into your unresisting pussy. And even though you were drunk and more easily influenced than normal, you didn’t put up a fight – you even found yourself moaning for more, more, more.

Once that line was crossed there was no going back. You fucked whenever Bachira pleased, and wherever Bachira pleased. On a bench in the locker room, in between stacks of books at your university library, behind trees in public parks. But his favorite places were anywhere in your house, specifically when your parents were home. Bachira liked bending you over the kitchen counter in the middle of the night as your parents slept soundly upstairs, shoving his cock down your throat while the two of you were “washing up” for dinner, and fingering you under the blankets as you all watched TV together in the living room. There was no surface in that house the two of you hadn’t fucked on.

The thrill of not just anyone, but your parents finding out the two of you were fucking excited Bachira so much he could almost cum untouched. He was getting too reckless, though. There were only so many excuses as to why grown siblings constantly slept in each other’s beds and shared blankets, and it didn’t help that he was always hanging all over you. Brothers don’t spoon their sisters from the back and kiss their necks as they cook breakfast.

So you gently approached Bachira, and put it in the most gentle words possible to ask him if he could tone it down just a little bit. You weren’t proposing an end to your activities, just to slow down – and keep it in more private areas. Bachira didn’t take it well.

And that’s how you found yourself in the sheets of your parents’ bed right after they had left for work, mattress still warm from where their forms had been resting not too long prior. You knew it was futile to try and resist Bachira when he got like this, when his eyes went wide and his pupils blew as he narrowed his eyebrows, setting his sights on you – his prey.

He wouldn’t listen as you tried to tell him how bad of an idea it was.

“You know Mom always forgets shit and has to come back,” you whined as he grabbed your wrists and kissed your neck. “And I’m almost positive that’s her house key on the dresser, ‘Guru.” You shuddered at the thought of your innocent mother walking into her own bedroom just to grab her key only to find her son rutting desperately into her daughter.

“That’s what makes this fun,” Bachira giggled, biting your throat.

His face was partially obscured by his morning-mussed fringe as he leaned back to yank your sleep shorts off, but you could still see his smirk that had yet to melt away.

“God, you’re so fucking wet, love,” he groaned, running his fingers up and down your slit. “About to make such a mess all over Mom and Dad’s sheets.” You just hid your face in your hands.

You almost lost all your inhibitions as Bachira spread your legs with his rough palms to spit on your pussy and run the flat of his tongue from your clit to your hole, the lewd sounds of his saliva and your slick almost drowning out the anxious thoughts that rang in your ear. The bedroom door was open.

His tongue swirled around and flicked at your throbbing clit as he slid two fingers knuckle deep into your hole, curling and pumping in the exact ways he knew would make you come undone. Bachira had you and your body memorized by heart, and he weaponized that knowledge.

But everything was forgotten as he sunk his thick cock inside you, crying out as he stretched you open, both hands fisting the sheets. You almost drooled at the sight of his toned, muscly athlete body flexing as he thrusted into you quick but methodically.

The yellow tufts of hair at the base of his neck curled up at the ends as they were drenched in his sweat, chest heaving as he fucked into you with primal hunger and desire. You could tell the excitement of fucking in your parents’ bed was driving Bachira absolutely wild, his cock throbbing inside you.

“A-ahh, Meguru, feels so fucking g-good,” you whined, unable to deny the pleasure overwhelming your body as his cock rubbed against your sweet spot and kissed your cervix with every thrust.

Bachira only grinned at the praise. “Want more, baby?” Your frantic nod was all he needed.

Suddenly he was flipping you over, pressing your face into the pillow as he pushed back into your sopping wet cunt, marveling at the thick layer of cream that coated his cock. His hand intertwined with yours, squeezing your fingers as he fucked you deep into the mattress. With this position, presenting your ass for him like this, he can see the exact way your hole struggled to stretch around his length, the ring pulsing as it tugged with every thrust in and out. It was nicer for you too, being unable to see the bedroom door wide open, a disgusting reminder of what could be found out.

“Can’t last much longer like this, darlin’,” Bachira groaned into your ear, biting the lobe. “Not when you’re taking me so good like this.” You could only whine in response, your fingers tightening around his own. “Can I come inside you? You’ve never let me before, would love to see what it’s like.” You couldn’t see him, but you could hear the devilish smirk in his voice. Yet again, words had failed you, nodding into the pillow.

Bachira’s pace impossibly quickened as he chased the tightening feeling in his gut, leaving you gasping for air as his bony hips slammed into your ass over and over. His body stuttered and he gasped as he came, coating your walls with cum as he groaned into your ear. The second he pulled out you could feel it gushing out of your hole, dripping down your thighs and pooling onto the sheets. You hoped your parents either wouldn’t notice or wouldn’t question why you had decided to strip their bed and wash their sheets for them.

You leaned into your brother’s grasp as he gathered you into his arms, pressing your head against his warm chest. His fingertips danced up and down your back, pressing a kiss into your mussed hair.

“Love you so, so much, Meguru,” you sighed, kissing his chest.

“Love you too, darling. This is what happens though when you try to push me away,” he cooed, a slight edge to his voice.

“I know. I won’t do it again, I promise. I love you.” Your words were garbled as fatigue consumed you. Surely your parents wouldn’t mind the two of you napping in their bed together?

Bachira only smirked as he eyed the forgotten house key on your mother’s dresser, knowing the two of you didn’t have much longer to get decent and get the hell out of there. But that’s just the way he liked it.

#bachira x reader #blue lock x reader #bachira smut #blue lock smut #bllk x reader #bllk smut #bllk fanfic

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accio-victuuri · 19 days

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i’m someone who can’t get enough of (fake) stories from the time of cql shoot. so when i see a “story” that i haven’t before ( or maybe i did but forgot about it ), i get excited. lol. even if it’s not a juicy kind of information— i’m cool with it. 🤍 i like this one cause OP seems closer to wyb, it’s more of a short analysis of him & his relationship with XZ during that time.

the usual disclaimer: these are all fake and treat it as fanfiction. obviously, this content is for cpfs. if you don’t like it then scroll along. if you are somehow offended by stuff like this, it’s your problem. feel free to unfollow or block me.

i got the screenshots over here. enjoy!^^

W often catches up on sleep as soon as he gets on the car because he has a lot of engagements. He doesn’t talk much. Last year, he was not in good health. He had a cough and fever and went to get an IV drip at night. Many fans knew about it, so he talked even less in private. Later, I found that he talked a lot on the set. This is a matter of opinion. He needs to refresh himself when he is so tired.

But he does have a good relationship with X. He is not very outgoing, so he should not have many friends, but he is not the kind of person who really looks down on others and does not talk. Many times he does not know what to say (personal feeling hahaha), so he does not start a conversation. Some people are like this, thinking that it may not be meaningful to say it, so they do not say it. He has changed a lot in recent years, and this drama he has successfully made friends with X.

W didn’t communicate much with me. After all, we had never met before, so I could understand the distance. Once, I was discussing tomorrow’s arrangements with the coordinator. He had just finished shooting a scene and passed by me and suddenly asked me if I had a hemostatic patch (this is a consumable item in the crew, and I had just used it up and didn’t bring a new one). I was shocked. I said no, and he didn’t say anything and seemed to go to the bathroom. Later, I don’t know where he asked, but it was a very girly pattern. I feel that he may have asked around, but I didn’t see him use it. That day, I saw a new hemostatic patch on X’s leg, but it wasn’t the one that was used by the transporter?! When I was chatting with the coordinator, I found out that someone had given it to X first, and W saw it and quietly put away the one with the girly pattern. At that time, he had just joined the crew not long ago. Because we were really not familiar with each other, he might have felt that it was too obvious and a bit embarrassing.

W and X have a lot of scenes together. As the main characters, they interact a lot, much more than what is shown. X is not as talkative as the footage shows. On the contrary, he is a person who cares about other people's feelings. In the footage, we can only say that he was: 1. He fainted from the heat (he almost had a heat stroke), 2. He was too tired, and 3. He didn't expect that everyone would exaggerate it. W was the same. He was just joking and making faces, just like everyone would have some such pranks when they were in school. When he felt something was wrong, he quickly changed the subject.

The main reason was that it was really tiring and hot at that time. Every time I went to the scene, I felt that I could get a heat stroke at any time. They also wore long robes with wide sleeves, which was very hard (W didn't dare to eat too much to maintain the fairy feeling of the character) In short, although this matter fermented a lot, it did not have any substantial impact on the relationship between the two. At that time, the crew also knew that this was their childish behavior and was used to it. After all, they were like this all the time. The two are ordinary people who are more casual in private. If they have a good relationship, they will definitely play around, but they will not be fussy about such trivial matters. W's personality is very interesting. He will suddenly act weird and then return to being calm. When he acts weird, he acts seriously. When he is silent, he is serious. I later thought that this kind of personality may have something to do with his love of street dance, motorcycles, and skateboards. Whether it is physical, emotional, endurance, psychological quality or anything else, he wants to try to touch or even challenge the upper limit in all aspects. He is a true adventurer. Most of these people are quite opinionated. He also said that he is a male chauvinist and has a strong desire to control himself and the outside world.

A double-edged sword, not a weakness. Being serious is good, but it is always difficult for people to grasp the precise degree. If you exceed the limit, you will develop a conditioned reflex of vigilance, which will prevent you from revealing too much of yourself, and on the other hand, you will be wary of outsiders' attempts.

This kind of self-defense is actually related to his experience. One is that he left home very early to work hard, and the other is that he went to Korea for training. You must have heard about the trainee system there, which is fiercely competitive and full of intrigues, and it is easy to fail. Many young trainees don’t have much life experience. No matter how cautious they are at the beginning, they may not be able to play better than the older or Korean people. The habit of not offending others for many years has become one of his personality. I am not so familiar with W, so it is difficult to remind him, but I found that he has improved in his relationship with X. It is very subtle. It is generally a good thing. Hahaha. Maybe it is also due to experience. X’s past is relatively simple. He entered the circle a few years after graduating from college. Before entering the circle, it was relatively smooth. It’s not that he has never experienced setbacks and lows, but it is definitely not as shaky and cautious as W faced during adolescence. It directly changed a person. I believe that W is still a positive and enthusiastic person in his heart, but he doesn’t show it easily. He needs someone to guide him.

What I really found strange was one time when the two of them were standing on a downhill slope. The scene was built in a studio and was a bit high. X walked in front of W and slipped. There was a few steps between the two of them. W rushed forward in two steps and quickly grabbed X's waist. They both almost slipped. He intended to grab his arm with his fingers spread out, but he miscalculated and poked X's lower back. We shot that scene in two or three takes and it was passed. After that, W's hand was a little swollen. I found some ice cubes to apply to him and it stopped swelling, but it looked painful. There were still a few scenes that day, but he didn't tell me because he didn't want to delay the progress. He applied ice when he left the camera. Because he had to go to the hospital for an IV drip after work, I thought I would deal with it together.

The strangest thing about this incident was not his behavior, but that X did not see W come down to apply ice, and came over to ask if his hand was okay. W directly stretched out his hand to show him, twisting it vigorously, shaking his fingers flexibly, trying to prove that he was fine, but X grabbed his wrist and looked at it clearly. X said that it was swollen, and W said it was caused by the intravenous drip. X muttered a few words of doubt, and saw that there were indeed many needle holes on the back of W's hand. He believed it a little. I was about four or five meters away at the time.

The director often asked them to be more ambiguous. At the beginning, it was quite awkward because they were not familiar with each other, but it was fine after they got used to it. X made a lot of small moves, and W would shout his name when he couldn't stand it anymore. W was very smart and could find the door. He didn't lose to X at the beginning. It was forbidden to move. It was common for them to insult and fight each other.

Many people are talking about the drinking scene, so I'll share another one. After the day's shooting, W took off his makeup and walked unsteadily. After walking out of the studio, he was looking for something. I said the car was over there (the exit was narrow and the car was a little further away). He said he knew, and then he turned around and pounced behind me, which scared me. I subconsciously turned around and hid, and found that X also came out, but he hadn't taken off his makeup yet. W stuck to him like an octopus. X was also scared, and his wig was pulled by W, and X screamed in pain. His assistant came out the next second and quickly pulled W away. I reacted and supported W. X was not angry, and told me that W had secretly drunk some more later and might be really drunk, so he asked me to make some honey water for him to sober up. I said okay, thinking where would I find honey water in the middle of the night. W is very thin, but very strong. X's assistant couldn't pull him away completely.

I am a little anxious, but I can’t say anything, I can only worry.

X was in a good mood, and cheerfully patted him and said, "Isn't W laoshi known for not getting drunk even if he drinks a lot?"

W didn't refute, and hugged him so tightly that I felt X was about to suffocate, and then X said: "It's late, see you tomorrow." W let go as if he had suddenly lost his temper, reluctant to let go, wanting to look at X but not daring to. I don't know why, but I felt that he was a little sad.

X joked with him: "Go back after you graduate from kindergarten.

W said sullenly: "I will definitely beat you next time."

X changed his tone of voice and complained: "W wants laoshi to win everything. save me from losing a few times, okay?"

I went back to the hotel and asked X's assistant who the winner was. She said that the two of them competed to see who could talk in the other's ear without blushing, and the loser would drink a small sip. I was speechless. No wonder he rarely played mobile games last night, and went to sleep after chatting on WeChat (he got off work earlier yesterday). It turned out that he was saving his energy to play this today (wrong). I asked again, "No one took the photo (mainly referring to the fans who were waiting there.)" She said that it should not be possible, because the place where the two people were standing was difficult to take a photo.

-END.

#yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do #accio victuuri translation #accio victuuri gifs #accio victuuri edit #i think this is wyb assistant story lol i just.. my god i forgot… idk idk #sometimes my brain loses bits of info about them lol cause they occupy alot of my brain capacity already

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andteambabies · 2 years

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When you break their hearts

Pairing: you x &team member

Genre: sad

Warning: too sad you’ll cry…maybe…I did.

𝐊𝐄𝐈/𝐊

He sat on the floor, knees against his stomach, sad teary eyes looking at the window. His mind was blank but soon the memories of you came back. He try not to cry about you but it was hard for him. You were his first real love but when he caught with that other person...it broke his heart. He covered his face with both of his hands and met all the tears out again. He hit the back of his head against the wall behind him out of anger. " how could you do this to me!" He cried out loud.

𝐅𝐔𝐌𝐀

He sat on the couch with a blank face. It seems that tears no longer are able to come out of his pretty eyes. He drank the small glass of alcohol he had in hand. " liar....." he whispered as he clutched his fist tightly. " I don't ever want to see you again..." he clenched his teeth tightly together as he try to control himself from not crying.

𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐒

The stuff that were on his table weren't no longer there as they all were hit against the floor by a quick and hard swing of his arm. He grip onto his hair and walk back and forth around his room. He is still in shock after everything he seen in your apartment. " what a fucking liar! She said she loved me and that I was the only one!" He stopped walking and stand there with wide red eyes as his hands were shaking. " How could she do this to me..." he sat on the bed and just stay there as he replay the memories of what he saw in your apartment.

𝐄𝐉/ 𝐄𝐔𝐈𝐉𝐎𝐎

He walk inside his home in such a slow space as if his soul came out of his body. He look tired and sad. He sat on the couch and crouch down a little as he look down the floor. Soon tears run down his cheeks and small sniffs could be heard coming from his nose. He rubbed his hands together slowly trying not to cry hard. He didn't say anything he just cried quietly and his mind was filling with thoughts of you.

𝐘𝐔𝐌𝐀

He deleted everything and anything that has to do with you. He deleted your phone number, your photos, unfollow and blocked you in every social media. He was angry. Very angry. His big eyes were red because of how much he cried earlier now he feels sad and mad and just wants to erase you from his life and his mind. " not letting you fool me again..." he whispered quietly as he threw the teddy bear you gave him out of his window with so much hate.

𝐉𝐎

You were his first love. And he loved you even more because of that reason. You made him feel so special but after discovering what you did, the band of his eyes fell off to see your true self and he hates it. He wishes he never met you. He was playing basketball by himself and although he was moving around his mind was filled with memories of you. He kept missing each shot. He got tired and sat on the ground. He stay quietly as he watch the sunny sky turned gray. That reminded him of how he used to see you and how he sees you now. His tears run down his face and he quickly wipe the off. " forget her Jo," he told himself playing with ball again.

𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐔𝐀

He stay in class during lunch time. His head was buried inside his arms for a while. The teacher saw him and walk towards him. " Harua? Are you alright? Why are you crying?" She asked. Harua sat up and look up at her with teary eyes. His nose was stuffed. " it's nothing....I just don't feel good..." he look down at his desk and saw a message from you on his phone "I'm sorry" it said. The teacher notice that and she immediately thought you did something that made him sad. " Harua, whatever it is that made you sad, it's going to go away if you chose to forget it and soon...you'll be okay" She smiled and walk out of class. Harua nodded and grinned to himself. He answered you back. " don't talk to me again, you and I are done".

𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐈

He couldn't concentrate on his homework because he only kept thinking about you. " but why did she did that tho?" He kept asking himself as he furrowed his eyebrows down together hitting his pencil against the book. He stand up and look out the widow and saw your house from far away. " your sick YN.....I honestly do not want to hear from you anymore..." he clenched his fists tightly and try to hold up his tears. He hit his head with both of his hands. " now focus!" He told himself.

𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐈

He laid on his bed letting all his tears out. His entire face was red and puffy. He felt so upset and hurt by you that he did not know how to deal with it. " I loved you.....why did you do this to me..." he slightly punch his pillow. He felt so heart broken. He immediately grab his phone and deleted your pictures, block your phone number and block you on social media. " Not letting you get close to me ever." He said.

Thank you for reading!

( reposted on wattpad and IG)

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therichantsim · 10 months

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Below the cut is a long-drawn-out rant. I debated long and hard about doing this but I’m tired of keeping bottled up. So, I’m about to get messy as fuck and put all my business out there. Frankly at this point, I don’t even care. I tried to let it slide because I don’t like drama unless it’s in a sims story. However, at this point I have nothing to lose since apparently the people I once called friends stopped fucking with me anyway.

I don’t know what’s being said in the private chats and DM’s, but I notice some interesting behavior ever since @shanisims posted her “goodbye post”. I don’t normally do callout post or bring personal drama out into the open, but my intuition tells me some shit is being said about me that ain’t true. Shanisims befriended me and we began chatting in the DM’s, then on Discord. We shared story stuff, personal stuff, then we started collaborating together. We swapped sims. I did some builds for her, and we collaborated on each other’s stories. She engaged in my content and vice versa. Then one day she just stopped. Once I noticed I stopped engaging too. Then next thing I knew... I was blocked on all platforms. I have another blog I use for shitposting that I follow my favs from. I really enjoyed her story, so I quietly continued to read it from there. At some point she alludes to a “beef” when she brings my OC’s persona into her story. She mentions that Bishop looks different because of “reasons”. Then she does it again later on in the story when Bishop is featured. My question was why allude to anything? No one was asking unless you want them to ask. 👀🤨 It was passive aggressive, calculated and cunning. Mind you whatever offense that allegedly took place happened over a year ago. So, I decided to ask her what her problem was. I sent her message from that account, and I said it was me. I didn’t pretend to be anonymous. I wanted to know what her beef was with me and if she has such an issue with me that she had to block me why continue to use my sims, my builds and my character’s persona? I told her I felt used. She goes out of her way to be extremely friendly and overly helpful online then for whatever reason she just turns on you. In the past I’ve been told by her and a few others that I am not afraid of confrontation, and that I can come off very blunt and direct. I’m 49 years old I don’t have time for games, and I try very hard to make sure I’m understood online. However, I do think, re-read, and re-write my words many times before I hit send so that they aren’t misinterpreted online since my tone can’t be heard. All I know is not too long after her goodbye post went up, mutuals I have had online friendships and history with stopped engaging with my post. Some even unfollowed me. I don’t know what she’s telling these people. When I confronted her, she never responded. Instead, she played victim and did a goodbye post. You would’ve thought I bullied her, pulled up to her house and was outside ready to fight or something. I’m also calling out some of my so called “mutuals” cough cough @storiesbyjes2g and @ladybugsimblr because in the year 2023 where online friendships are no longer considered a foreign concept, people like y’all will happily discard them instead of doing the hard work of confronting, communicating, accountability, honesty and resolving. Instead, you hid behind platitudes like “protecting my peace” or pretend to be cool just to go radio silent afterwards. But I’m just some random lady on the internet so, who gives a fuck right? This goes for anyone else that may have passed judgement on me regarding Shani without knowing all the facts. I still don’t even know what happened! Take away from this what you will but I wanted to put it out there because I’m hurt and felt like being a petty bitch. Now here is real drama you can “protect your peace” from.

#RichAnt's rants and randomness #shit posting #Shanisims #TheRichAntSim

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margridarnauds · 2 months

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If I may ask another, Romeo et Juliette?

A musical that I have a very, very complex relationship with.

It was one of my first French musicals -- not one of my favorites (I have ALWAYS been an Atia and Chouet girl), but one of my first. Good music, Aimer was one of my eternal, lovestruck romantic songs from my teen years, the OTP song to end all OTP songs; Verona was one of my favorite musical songs (once an Escalus fucker, always an Escalus fucker), I loved C'est le Jour (being used to historical lit and period dramas means I have....no reaction to first cousin marriages, so I shipped Tybalt/Juliet, sorry lads.)

There used to be a dedicated French musicals fandom on here, so I was talking with people who were more invested in it than I was, me and a friend once listened to the London cast together and memed it to death. And when that community imploded, I joined the RetJ fandom more specifically after a couple of years. And...I did enjoy it. I was mainly in my own little corner, but I was talking about it, I was creating content for it. I didn't agree with everything, especially the way that Japanese productions were routinely dismissed, and I thought that people could be very harsh on individual productions in a way that wasn't particularly fun, but...I did enjoy the experience. I did enjoy working with other people, especially since, as a Toho fan and ESPECIALLY as an Escalus fan (and as someone who really cares about the women more than Mercutio), I was very locked in my own little corner with a few other people.

I fell in love with the musical. And with Shakespeare's original. I still think that this is My Adaptation of Romeo and Juliet, because it is really wonderfully faithful while modernizing it without being grimdark or cynical (yes, even the Hungarian.)

And...I refuse to go into details, because I have no intention of dredging up old ghosts, but it ended. Badly. I evacuated myself from the communities I was part of, leaving them to someone who hated me because I didn't want to split the fandom. I wanted to leave quietly, discretely, while potentially keeping some bonds. They used it as an excuse to spread their smear campaign to my old circles, something that I only found out about over a year later. No one bothered to tell me. I noticed that people were pulling away, some people have even blocked me on here, or else quietly unfollowed me, but I didn't know why and I tried to convince myself it was paranoia. I reached out to someone and they assured me that nothing had been said about me. Something I later learned was untrue. I won't accuse that person of lying, because I don't have a timeline, and I understand wanting to keep the peace, but my reputation and my mental stability were NOT acceptable collateral damage. I was suicidal, dammit, and I'm not just mad at the people who started the smear campaign, but the people who didn't bother to listen to me when I needed them the most.

And...I would say I'm not bitter about it, but actually, I am. Of COURSE I'm bitter about it. Even if I wasn't the most active member, I was there for years. I deserved better. And it has profoundly impacted the way that I still carry myself in a fandom context, because some part of me is always looking behind my shoulder. (I. Have never been able to join the BG3 fandom in the way I'd have liked to for a number of reasons, including my ongoing fear caused by this incident.)

...but, by the same token, I did rebuild myself, bit by bit, with Takarazuka musicals, including the Zuka RetJ. I wrote RetJ fanfic for myself and, without having a fandom to worry about appeasing, I wrote what I wanted -- some of my longest fics of the last three years have been Benvolio/Escalus fics that I almost CERTAINLY wouldn't have published when I had the dead weight attached.

So -- gorgeous musical, the Toho production will eternally have a place in my heart. I'm very happy that I can look at it without shaking now.

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muraenide · 2 years

Note

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

☀ What's your rp pet peeve?

✖ How has Tumblr RP changed since you started?

♒ Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in?

the salty af munday meme

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

I wouldn’t consider them instant unfollows but I will unfollow in time due to constant untagged and uncut posts, and people who treat their tumblr blogs like a personal by regularly rbing posts that are unrelated to their muse or the fandom. I feel like whenever I unfollow someone, they tend to be the main reason 🤔 Idk if I should list them on my rules now that I think about it.

☀ What's your rp pet peeve?

Oh man I have so many. I usually keep quiet about a pet peeve and just quietly unfollow but they’re so repetitive.

People who treat join the rpc to advocate for social justice and hardly rps confuse me? I’m here like aren’t you in the wrong space? Man, just go somewhere else. Some posts are fine, like the ones addressing things properly and are actually informative but there also some that are really aggressive that makes you feel like you’re a bad person for not knowing and that you have to follow the ‘rules’ they established or you are <inserts some label> that make me want to stay 10 feet away. Imo there are no rules in the rp space. You either agree with someone or you don’t, which in that case just don’t interact with each other.

Oversharing. (Is that even the right word...) I have a high bar when it comes to oversharing, since I do enjoy knowing a bit about the personal lives of rpers/muns I’ve come to see as friends. But in my previous fandom you see a handful of blogs who goes like ‘BE WARNED I’M VERY UNHINGED AND UNPREDICTABLE, YOU WON’T WANT ME AS A ENEMY’ in large, bolded text. Like Okay...? Thanks for the info I guess I won’t be following then. Whatever they mean in that sentence. It’s just a lot of uncomfy the OOC way. >> Pls chill this is just a writing community.

This is just a minor thing but I can’t stand it >< When muns IM me with an emoji or kaoemoji or a single word like “hi” as a greeting. Again, like... ?? What are you expecting me to reply to that? Another emoji? Pls just say what you want to say. It’s worse when they do it every single day. I met a lot of people like that back in Facebook, but Tumblr is better by a little, I think.

✖ How has Tumblr RP changed since you started?

I remember the times when I tend to be the youngest in any fandom space and enjoyed being the baby but now I’m usually the oldest or definitely-not-the-youngest and sobs.... Times have changed.

♒ Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in?

I find this fandom very chill! It’s hard to believe my blog is only 3 months old but I’m enjoying my time here so far. Most of the people who had me blocked at least knew how to block and don’t send hate or anything. Idk what’s going on in other corners of the fandom but I’ve learned to not care so much about what other people think of me. If you want to badmouth my blog or about something I do then whatever makes you happy, I guess! As long as I can’t see it and it’s not so high profile to the point of someone telling me ‘hey this blog is spreading lies about you’ then it’s not my problem.

Tbh even if you’re the nicest person on earth, at least one person who has met you is going to secretly think that you’re just doing it for attention. The difference is whether they don’t share their thought with people, or they share it with their close friends group, or they broadcast it on their blog, but it happens. Like they say, haters is just going to hate.

#𖦹 ⋆꙳ ⁄ ooc.

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spam-1997 · 2 years

Text

Hey! Important message.

I just heard something interesting. Not to channel my dad and do the whole ‘ I don’t know what’s been going on here but cut it out ’ shtick, but I’m really fucking angry right now. I’m about to lose my temper. This is not a vague post, I’m being very direct. I just don’t know the blogs of everyone involved but I know some of you are following me.

Correct me if I’m wrong.... but am I really being told right now that someone has made an entire callout doc on my friend, the person i write cerise and spaz with-- god, if you can even call it that, it’s more like a call out sticky note, I read the whole thing-- about the one time you had a mild disagreement in-character and some communication problems on the dash, and then politely discussed it out of character and didn’t resolve the conflict in a desired fashion and so decided to part ways?

And you’re telling me there are a select few on my dash who think this behavior isn’t the manipulative and mean spirited thing to do? As opposed to what.... walking away quietly and agreeing to disagree like an adult? Plotting out a resolution and ceasing further interaction on amicable grounds? And exactly to what end do you think this is justified? What are you after if it isn’t to bully a guy with your little mean girl clique? For christ sake, I’ve moderated servers where people got into all out screaming fights who are still on speaking terms. It’s called being an adult and having the emotional intelligence to know your personal lack of chemistry doesn’t deserve the other being publicly ostracized from all relations ever.

But sure. New ultimatum... Cut this shit out forever, disavow it, and don’t ever do it again or unfollow and block me! I don’t at all want to spend time around people like you, you’re the kind of thing people hate tumblr rp for. Gee, I wonder why.

#drama #i know i know these kinds of posts are downers and all but fuck me....#of all the pettiest dramas i've seen this is up there let me tell you

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falcqns · 3 years

Text

Aurorra

Pairing: Dad!Henry Cavill x Single Mom!Reader

Summary: Henry meets his daughter for the first time.

Warnings: fluff, slight angst. Dad!Henry

A/N: I don't know why I'm a sucker for these types of stories but I am. Hope you enjoy!

It's been two years and two days exactly since you and Henry had broken up.

It had been one year, one month, and two weeks exactly since you had given birth to his daughter, the daughter he had no idea existed.

It hadn't been a particularly nasty break up or anything, but both of you were hurting. You both wanted the relationship to work out, and when it didn't, you were both too heartbroken to even remain friends.

You had moved away from London not long after the breakup, deciding to live in Manchester, which was closer to your family. When you found out you were pregnant, you had tried to call him, but he had blocked your number. You had no way of contacting him other than through instagram, but he had unfollowed you and you knew your message would get lost in the thousands he received a day if you tried that.

You had no way of contacting his family either. You didn't know what to do. You had told your family, and they were insanely happy for you, even though you were going to be a single mother. When your mom had sat down and told you her and your father would do anything to help and support you through whatever decision you made, you knew the answer.

You were going to be a single mother.

When your daughter Aurorra Enola Cavill was born nine months later, you knew you made the right choice. Being a single mother may not have been what you were planning in life, but holding your blue eyed and brown curly haired baby in your arms for the first time, you knew it was what you were meant to do.

Aurorra had become your little bestie. She was such a well behaved baby. She rarely cried, slept through the night not long after she turned a week old, and was always full of smiles that were clearly from her father. There was never any doubt in your mind that she was Henry's, and every time you looked at her and saw her blue eyes, brown hair, and her cuddly chunky body, it only solidified that fact.

Aurorra had just turned 13 months old, and your job transferred you back to London, so you and Aurorra had just made the big move back.

You had opted to move back to the same neighbourhood both because of the safety of it, and because you knew you'd have a good chance of running into Henry. You had thought about it for months on end, and knew he couldn't be kept in the dark any more.

You had just finished unpacking the last box in the bedroom, when Aurorra woke up from her afternoon nap. You changed her and the two of you headed out to ASDA to get some groceries.

You pulled in the driveway and saw car that looked similar to Henry's BMW, but you didn't think anything of it. You parked and got a less than happy Aurorra out of her carseat and strapped her into the cart before heading on your shopping journey.

You had made it through the fruits and vegetables, and was heading to the freezer section to grab frozen fruit for the growing 13 month old, when you saw a familiar back in the same aisle.

It was Henry. There was no doubt about that. He was wearing a white knitted cardigan, with faded blue jeans, and running shoes. From the top of his cardigan you saw a dark blue t shirt poking out. His hair was slightly messy, but still curly. He was reading the nutrition information on the back of a frozen energy bowl, and you quietly opened the fridge, hoping to grab what you needed from this aisle and escape without him noticing you.

You had gone over seeing him again a million times in your head, and in no way did you plan on it being in the grocery store with other people around.

But, 13 month olds have a mind of their own. At that moment, Aurorra saw a popsicle package with the characters from her favourite show, Miraculous Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir, and proceeded to squeal and call your attention.

"Mama!" She squealed and pointed a chunky hand at the popsicles. "Bug!" You glanced up and Henry and watched as he did a double take back at you. His eye brow furrowed, but you ignored him, instead turning to your baby.

"Yes, that is Ladybug. Would you like them?" You asked, and she nodded eagerly. You smiled and grabbed them out of the freezer once you noticed they were organic. "Say thank you," You prompted, and she brought the same chunky hand up to her chin and then down flat towards you. It wasn't the most perfect sign, but she was still learning.

You saw Henry walk up to you and had to steel yourself for the coming conversation. "Y/N?" He asked, and you turned around to face him.

"Hi, Henry." You said, placing the popsicles in the cart with the rest of your groceries. He smiled at you, and then glanced at Aurorra. She smiled and cooed at him and he smiled back, and stroked her cheek. "Hows everything," you asked, trying to avoid the question you knew was about to come.

"Everything's good. Kal misses you. Still sleeps with the teddy you got him," He said, his eyes locked on your daughter. You smiled.

"Well, tell him I miss him too. Now, if you'll excuse me, we're running a little late. I have to get home and get her fed." You said, but before you could move the cart Henry asked you the question.

"I-is she mine?" He asked, and you nodded, trying to swallow the lump that had been forming in your throat, to no avail.

"Y-Yes." You stuttered, and seconds later, Henry's arms enveloped you. "I-Im sorry," You whimpered, and Henry shushed you.

"Its okay. Let's not talk about it here. How about I meet you at your place once were both done?" He suggested, and you agreed, before giving him your address.

"Okay. I'll see you there." he said, giving you another hug, and pressing a kiss to the top of Aurorra's hand that had curled around his pointer finger. He stroked her cheek once more, before giving you both a smile, and heading off. He grabbed his cart with groceries, and made his way towards the checkout.

By the time you had finished shopping and made it home, Henry was parked in the driveway. You took a deep breath, and got out, giving him a smile. He returned it, and got out of his car before walking over to help you.

He grabbed the groceries, leaving you to grab Aurorra, who squealed at the sight of Henry. Henry chuckled, and blew her a kiss. He followed the two of you inside. You set Aurorra down, who stumbled on her own feet before stabilizing, her empty bottle in the right hand.

"Go put your baba in the kitchen please," You said, and she babbled to herself as she walked off, ignoring you and Henry.

"She's absolutely adorable," Henry said, and you smiled. "Well, she is your daughter," You said. Henry threw his head back and laughed before following you into the kitchen.

You set the bags down on the ground and turned to put away the ones Henry set on the counter. You two made small talk while putting away the groceries, mainly about work. You heard ruffling behind you but didn't think anything of it, as Aurorra usually liked to help put away the soup cans.

"Mama?" You heard a little voice ask and you turned around to face Aurorra. She was holding the box of popsicles out to you in one hand, while her other hand made a clockwise motion on her chest, signing please.

You smiled and took the box from her.

"After dinner, okay?" You said, and she didn't like that very much. She plopped on her butt and began to cry.

Her arms reached up to where the popsicles were and sobbed her little heart out. Henry's heart melted and scooped her up. "It's okay baby girl," He said, bouncing her. She sniffled, but calmed down and laid her head on his shoulder. He smiled in happiness, and pressed a kiss to her curly head.

He turned to you. "I just realized, I don't know her name," he said, and you smacked your head.

"Shit sorry, I completely forgot to mention that. Her names Aurorra Enola Cavill. I made sure she got your last name, and that you're on the birth certificate." You said, running your hands through her curly hair.

"Enola? Like Enola Holmes?" He asked, as Aurorra cuddled closer, her chunky arms wrapping around his neck. You nodded.

"Yeah. I couldn't think of a middle name for her, and I was watching Enola Holmes just before she was born. It was the scene where Sherlock and Mycroft see Enola on the train platform and you say her name. I knew then it was perfect." You said, and Henry smiled.

"It's a beautiful name," he said, wrapping his free arm around you. The three of you stood there for a few minutes, before Aurorra shook her hands at you, and tried to wiggle out of Henry's arms.

"Ah dun, Mama." She said. Henry pressed a kiss to her chunky cheek, and let her onto the floor. She scurried away seconds later, towards her bedroom.

"Is she okay wandering by herself?" He asked, watching her little body fall to her hands and knees, but get up and brush it off before continuing on her mission.

"Yeah she'll be fine. She's just going to play." You said, and Henry nodded before pulling you into his arms fully.

"I really am sorry I didn't tell you about her. I couldn't contact you or anyone in your family, and I didn't have the energy during my pregnancy or after to make the journey to London. I promise I didn't plan on hiding her forever." You said, and Henry squeezed you even tighter.

"It's okay. I know you'd never do something like that on purpose. You've done an amazing job raising her. I just wish I had witnessed it."

"You'll get to see her grow. You might have missed her start life, but I have everything recorded. Her first breath, her first steps, her first words, all of it. I know it's not the sam-" You said, but were cut off by his lips.

His hand travelled up to cup your face, before he pulled away. "Sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just- You amaze me, you know that?" He said and you giggled.

"How so?" You questioned.

He rested his forehead on yours before continuing. "You thought to record everything. You made sure she has my last name and that I'm on the birth certificate. You didn't have to do that, but you did. I've missed you so much, and I didn't know just how much until I saw you in ASDA. I never should have left. I never should have blocked you." He said, a tear falling from his blue eyes. "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that alone. Thats never what I wanted. But, I promise to be the best dad to her, whether we're together or not."

"I know you will be," You said, and pulled Henry in for another kiss.

The groceries were put away a few minutes later and you told Henry to go and play with Aurorra while you cooked, which he happily did.

He walked down the hallway to her bedroom, and smiled lovingly when he saw his daughter sitting on the ground playing with blocks, a stuffed Akita just like Kal secure under her arm. She was babbling to a Mickey Mouse toy that sat in the corner of the room, and was stacking blocks.

Henry began to walk in the room when she stopped babbling let out a sneeze and a sigh. He grabbed a Kleenex from the change table and sat down next to her.

"Hey sweetheart, can I wipe your nose?" Henry asked, seeing the snot coming from her nose due to the sneeze. She looked up at him and giggled, which Henry took as a yes, and he wiped her nose quickly before disposing of it in the garbage can.

She began babbling again, and pushed the Akita stuffy into his hands. "Goggy," She said, and clapped, which made Henry smile.

"It is a doggy. I have a doggy like your stuffy, wanna see?" He asked, and she nodded and clapped.

Henry pulled out his phone and pulled up a picture of Kal. Aurorra stood up and clambered into his lap, which Henry welcomed. When she saw the picture of Kal, she started bouncing and clapping again.

"Goggy! Goggy wun!" She exclaimed when he showed her a video of him running.

"Thats right, he is running. He's really good at it too, believe me." Henry said and put his phone away. Aurorra stood up and reached out her arm for him, opening and closing her fist. Henry stood up, and let her take his big hand in her tiny one, and lead him out of the room, and towards the back door that led to the backyard, babbling the entire way.

"Hold on, honey, we gotta tell Mama we're going outside, okay?" He said and she nodded before running to the kitchen shouting Mama.

Henry watched as she stood in the doorway and babbled before pointing at the door. She held her hand in front of her face and moved it out, closing it into a fist.

"You're going outside?" You asked, and she nodded. Henry saw you bend down and whisper something into her ear with a smile on your face and Aurorra giggle but didn't think much of it, before his little girl was running towards him and squealing.

He scooped her up and carried her out the door. She pointed at the toy box in the corner of the yard and Henry carried her over. He sat her down and opened it, before letting her pick what she wanted to play with. She grabbed a bucket with shovels and molds before running over to the lady bug sandbox and patting the lid. Henry chuckled and pulled the lid off.

"You wanna play in the sand?" He asked, and she nodded before climbing in.

Henry sat down next to her, and a shovel was thrust into his hand seconds later. She had a bright yellow one in her own hand and was digging a hole. Henry followed suit and helped her dig the hole.

A few minutes later she handed Henry a elephant mold.

"Put, Dada." She said, and Henry's breath caught in his throat, the mold falling from his hand.

"Did you say Dada?" He asked her, tears clouding his vision, and he saw her smile and point at the house.

"Mama, say." she said, picking up the elephant mold again.

"Mama told you I'm your Dada?"

She nodded and shook the mold in his face, practically begging him to take it. Henry smiled and pulled her out of the sand box, into his arms.

"I am your Dada, and I promise you I will love you forever." He said, and kissed her cheeks. She giggled before pointing at the sand box and doing grabby hands. Henry chuckled but put her back where she was. He picked up the mold and began to fill it with sand before she got upset.

"I apologize for interrupting your playtime," He said. "Now, lets make some animals."

Later that night, when Aurorra had been fed and put to bed, Henry pressed another kiss to your lips.

"She called me Dada when we were playing outside." He confessed and your eyes lit up.

"Really? I told her before she went out with you that you were her Dada, I wasn't expecting her to say it so soon!" You exclaimed. Henry chuckled, and pulled you into his lap.

"I'm so happy she did. Thank you for giving me her." He said, pressing his lips to yours before you could respond.

#henry cavill #henry cavill smut #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x y/n #Henry Cavill fluff #henry cavill angst #henry cavill imagine #Henry Cavill x reader #Henry Cavill x you #dad!henry cavill #Henry Cavill x single mom!reader #Henry Cavill fanfiction

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speechlessxx · 4 years

Text

For Better, For Worse (Ransom Drysdale x Reader)

Summary: In which the reader reunites with her estranged husband.

Warnings: language, Sad Ransom (he’s a little out of character in this ngl), bad writing, SPOILERS (if you haven’t watched Knives Out)

Word Count: 1634

Feedback is appreciated!

You were hosting a get together at your new apartment. A few of your college friends found time to visit your new home in New York City. It was a gift – an apology – from your husband, whom you’ve been separated with for the past year. Separated. Not divorced.

The split was nowhere near mutual. “I’m not happy,” you confessed to him with tears running down your face. “I’m not happy anymore.” And although he didn’t want you to leave him, he didn’t want you to resent him by forcing you to stay. So, with regret, he let you go.

You got married young. You didn’t want to call it a mistake though many of your friends and family argued that it was. They’d say you were hypnotized by the empty promises that he said and that it was about time you came to your senses. They’d tell you that you deserve to be happy, that you deserve better. You wouldn’t tell them that although you weren’t happy as the relationship found its end, you didn’t want better. You just wanted him.

It all started with an urgent knock on your apartment door. Three sharp taps grabbed your attention and you walked over to the door. You opened it without bothering to look through the peephole.

“Linda?” You asked in surprise. Lo and behold, your mother-in-law stood in the hallway. Her brows were pulled together in a scowl and she looked exhausted. “What are you doing here?”

Though the Thrombeys weren’t your favorite bunch, they were still kind enough to welcome you into their family. They had high hopes for your relationship. They thought that you were going to be the one to tame the beast. But you failed.

When you and your husband made the separation known, they cut you off. And understandably so. Joni had unfollowed you on Instagram. Meg stopped answering your calls. Linda and Richard had even blocked you from contacting them – you were sure you’d get a restriction order. Walt and his family never bothered to talk to you, so the harsh silence didn’t hurt as much. Only Harlan had reached out. He said if you needed anything, to let him know.

“I need you,” Linda muttered. It sounded as if the words hurt her as she said them.

“What?” You scoffed, your grip on your apartment doorknob tightened. Your knuckles turned white. “What can I do for you?”

“I need you to go back to Massachusetts with me.” She said, sternly. “Pack enough for a week, maybe two.”

“I have guests,” you frowned at her demands. “What happened?” Dread filled you. It had to be an emergency if Linda Drysdale came all this way to talk to you.

She let out a frustrated sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. “(Y/N), if you don’t do as I say this instant, so help me God, I will drag you out by the hair.”

Your frown deepened as you took a step back and shook your head. “You’re not my boss. If you touch me, I will call the cops.”

“You always had a backbone on you.” She chuckled dryly. “That’s why he liked you so much. You were the only girl that would ever stand up to him.” She put her hands on her hips as she sighed. “He needs you, (Y/N).”

-=+=-

And with that, you found yourself on the Drysdale private jet, flying back to the life you left behind.

You told your friends that it was an emergency and that you’d reach out once it’s all over. They were all understanding as they quickly filed out of your apartment.

You looked out the window, watching the clouds pass. You and Linda sat in silence. She had a drink in hand as she furiously typed on her cellphone.

“You never told me what happened,” you muttered filling in the silence.

She glanced up at you, a glare in her glasses. Her lips pursed. “And you never told me why you left my son.”

“Not like you guys ever answered me when I tried to talk to you.” You snapped. “Wait, he never told you?”

“Did you cheat on my son?”

You frowned at the accusation and shook your head furiously. “Absolutely not. I love him.”

“Love,” she repeated, a smirk painted on her lips. “Well, it’s good that you didn’t say ‘loved’.”

“Why does he need me?” You asked. “Is he… is he filing for divorce?”

But she never answered your question.

-=+=-

The ride was silent. You didn’t exactly know where she was taking you. There was a small voice in the back of your head that joked that she was going to kill you, but you knew that wasn’t true. Linda Thrombey was capable of many things, but murder wasn’t one of them.

“Is this a joke?” You asked her as the two of you got out the car.

“Am I laughing?” She bit back, slamming her car door shut.

The jail gave you an unsettling feeling. The curious eyes of the cops followed you as you quietly followed Linda.

She paid over a million dollars for bail. That fact alone sent an uneasy feeling to your stomach.

You sat in silence as the officer handed her a garment bag. You watched the scene unfold. The doors opened to reveal him.

He didn’t notice you as he walked over to his mother. She shoved the bag into his hands, turned around and walked towards the exit. He stared after her, confused. You found your nerves again as you stood to your feet, quietly following her.

“(Y/N)?” He asked, jogging through the hall to catch up to you. When you didn’t answer, he grabbed your arm and spun you around to make you look at him. “What are you doing here?”

“Why are you here?” You snapped at him. His features softened as he saw your watery eyes. He hadn’t seen you in a year. He didn’t think that your reunion would be at a jail. You swallowed and took a deep breath. You pulled your arm from his grip.

-=+=-

Linda dropped you both at the familiar home with the large windows. The memories replayed in your mind; everything was still so vivid. “I’ll come by next week.” She said as the two of you got out. “The officers will arrive shortly.”

You bid her a quiet farewell.

You stared at him from across the dining table. He asked you to sit next to him like you would in the past, but you refused.

“Explain.” You ordered.

“Do you want something to eat?” He asked, deflecting. “I don’t know how to cook, but there should be a few things in the fridge – “

“Hugh!” You snapped. “Tell me what you fucking did!”

He adverted his eyes from your glares. He didn’t like when you stared at him like that. Everyone always thought he was a bad guy, but you never did. He knew if he told you the truth, that would change. You’d walk right out his house again and never come back.

“If I tell you, you’re going to leave me again,” he muttered. He didn’t even notice that his voice cracked. He didn’t notice the tears that began to form in the corners of his eyes. “I don’t want to lose you, too.”

You put your head in your hands in defeat. You could easily look up what he did. With a bail so high, there’s bound to be a story about it on the news. From what you could gather from Linda was that Harlan’s dead and everything that was once theirs now belonged to his sweet nurse, Marta. But that was as much as she would tell you.

You sighed as you stood. You walked over to him, taking your usual seat next to him. Your hands were shaking as you reached over and grabbed his forearm. “Please,” you begged, “please, tell me.” He stayed silent. “Linda came all the way to New York to abduct me so that I’ll be here for you. She wouldn’t tell me why.” He stayed silent and you let out a shaky breath. “Now, I could easily find out what you did. A couple searches on google and I’ll knock. But I’d much rather you tell me.”

“If I tell you, you’ll leave me again.” He repeated. “I’ve already lost everything, (Y/N). If I lose you twice, I swear I’m going to lose it.”

You sighed as you stood. He thought you were going to walk away, but you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders. He hesitantly wrapped his own around your waist. You missed this. You missed Ransom.

“I’m sorry that I left you,” you apologized, kissing his temple.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he muttered. “I promised you a lifetime of happiness and gave you nothing but frustrations. Like I am now.”

“But I’m here now, Ransom,” you coaxed. “I… I want to be here for you. I could’ve easily told Linda to eat shit, slam my door in her face. But she told me you needed me. I would dropped everything and everyone for you.”

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, burying his face into your stomach. “I’m sorry.” You felt the material of your blouse getting wet and you quickly realized he was crying. You allowed him to break down, knowing he didn’t give himself many opportunities to do so. You ran your fingers through his dark hair as you tightened your hug.

“I made a vow to you,” you whispered, pulling away slightly so that you could see his face. You sat back down in your seat and cupped his face in your hands, wiping away the tears. “I made a vow… For better, for worse, Ransom. So, whatever you did, I’m not leaving you. Not again.”

READ PART 2 HERE

#ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale imagine #chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #ransom is my kryptonite #imagine #fluff #angst #should i do a part 2

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pan-fangirl-345 · 3 years

Text

Goodbye

Summary: Tooru’s been spending a lot of time in the gym lately, not with you. You’re just worried about him. Why doesn’t he understand that? Him snapping at you doesn’t make things any better. Guess it’s time to call Iwa.

TW: Hurt. No comfort, breaking up, crying, the end of a relaionship, angst. There is one use of the phrase ‘son of a bitch’ and one use of the word ‘shitty’. As always, if there is anything I forgot, please let me know!

A/N: I don’t normally write angst, but I felt the urge.

“Tooru?” you asked, poking your head into the gym.

You squeaked a little bit as another ball thudded against the other side of the court, rebounding near your head.

You weren’t surprised that your boyfriend was still in the gym, he had been staying later and later as the tournament got closer, and while you admired his work ethic, you were a little worried.

“Tooru, you should go home,” you told him, sticking to the sidelines where you were less likely to be hit.

“Just a few more,” he panted, eyes practically glowing as he threw another one up into the air.

“If you keep going you’re going to hurt yourself again.”

“I said just a few more.”

“Tooru, go home,” you demanded, crossing your arms. “I’m worried about you. You haven’t been eating, you aren’t stretching as much, and you’re staying way too late in the gym. I just want you to be okay.”

“I’m fine (Y/F/N), just leave me alone,” he snarled, serving another one onto the other side of the court, the thud echoing for a few moments.

You flinched back away from him, the words hitting you like a physical blow.

He had been distant lately, and you knew that he was stressed. He had tried for three years to beat Ushiwaka and this was his last chance, but now Kageyama and his team were closing in on them too. He thought he had to get better, thought that the extra practice would help, but now it was backfiring.

You knew why this meant so much to him, but you still prioritized his health over his wants.

“Tooru, if you get hurt again you’ll be useless to the team.”

“Your talking is useless,” he mumbled, so quietly that you probably weren’t mean to hear it, but you heard it anyway. “Just leave.”

Against your wishes, your eyes started to water.

You bit your lip for a moment before you said, “Alright Tooru, you win. I’m leaving.”

You tried as best you could to walk calmly out the doors, but as soon as they closed behind you a small sob slipped out, and your hands flew to your mouth to try and muffle the sound.

You reached for your phone, searching through your contacts frantically for Iwaizumi’s number, hitting the button with more force than was necessary.

“(Y/F/N)?”

“Come get your best friend, he won’t listen to me anymore,” you sobbed, hating how your voice cracked from the force of trying to control your crying.

“What did that son of a bitch do?” Iwaizumi snarled.

You sobbed again, leaning against the lockers as your body shook.

When Oikawa had first asked you out, you had spent the first couple of months waiting for someone to pop out of the bushes or a locker and yell, “Psych!”

You had jerked every time he voluntarily touched you, every time he tapped your shoulder or tried to hold your hand your body had jumped like you had been shocked.

When that had knee-jerk reaction had faded you had apparently become “That Couple”, whatever that meant.

But Tooru was still Tooru, he still had fangirls and volleyball and school. He couldn’t spend every second with you, and you had known that, but there were times when you would go three weeks without spending any alone time together.

You got along well with his teammates, even Kyoutani, but there were times when you just wanted to cuddle with him on the couch watching those shitty conspiracy shows about aliens.

The other third years had become some of your closest friends, and you trusted them, but there were still things that bothered you that you hadn’t shared with anyone.

You knew Tooru, he was easy to read off the court, and you knew that on his list of priorities, volleyball came first. Volleyball trumped you and himself.

“He wo-won’t listen to me anymore,” you whispered, not able to get your voice any higher than that. “Please, come talk some sense into him before he hurts himself.”

“(Y/F/N), I’m on my way, stay where you a-”

You hung up, blinking through the tears as you stared at Iwaizumi’s contact information.

You loved Tooru, you did, but you had enough self-respect to know that you weren’t his top priority, if you ever had been. You had enough self-respect to know that this relationship wasn’t working out, though not for lack of trying.

You sat against the lockers for an undetermined amount of time before you stood mechanically, swiping furiously at your tears.

“Time to go home,” you whispered, heading for the doors.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stared at your room for a moment before you grabbed a garbage back out of the closet in the hall.

His volleyball jacket, his spare jersey, the little alien plushie he had given you on your six month anniversary, the little notes, the love letters, the socks, everything. It all got stuffed in a bag.

You could give it to Iwaizumi when he showed up at your house. And he would show up. You knew him well enough to know that. And he knew you well enough to know when you were upset.

You knew you should’ve felt something, anger, despair, sadness, but you just felt hollow. There was a deep ache in your stomach, but that was from not eating much throughout the day. You had known this was coming, you had felt that things were ending, but you had hoped, you had hoped that you were different from every other girl that he had been with.

You scrolled through your phone. You deleted all the pictures with just the two of you in them- you kept the group photos-, you unfollowed all of his social media, you unsubscribed from his favorite conspiracy channel, and you were about to block him when you had an idea.

You got what you wanted Tooru.

I left.

Iwaizumi will get your things back to you.

You hit the ‘block’ button on his contact, sighing.

You sat down heavily on your bed, running your hands through your hair.

“Goodbye Tooru,” you whispered, shutting your phone off.

#tooru oikawa x reader #oikawa x reader #tooru x reader #tooru oikawa angst #tooru x reader angst #hurt #no comfort #no fluff #this hurt to write

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goodheartedfool · 2 years

Text

I posted 296 times in 2021

103 posts created (35%)

193 posts reblogged (65%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.9 posts.

I added 205 tags in 2021

#musings - 30 posts

#ooc - 25 posts

#aesthetics - 25 posts

#on phone - 22 posts

#meme - 21 posts

#goldentemplariumcrow - 18 posts

#the turnip || ooc - 17 posts

#v: dc - 17 posts

#v: marvel - 16 posts

#headcanon - 14 posts

Longest Tag: 102 characters

#[if you don't know what to do with it we can always drop this and start something else if you want to]

My Top Posts in 2021

I wish there was more AC rpers that weren’t stuck up elitists. They rp Assassins but act more like stereotypical Templars imho.

Thankfully, I know two who are nice people in this rpc.

6 notes • Posted 2021-02-12 22:42:15 GMT

Closed || Fake date

Nat had been followed. Followed by this guy that did not take no for an answer. In his desperation, Nat had said he was waiting for his date, which he wasn't. The obnoxious guy had begun to lose his patience, eyeing him in a way Nat didn't like. In a try to escape him, he'd left the place. Trying to sneak out, but he had followed. Fuck. As he walked, his gaze roamed after someone he could seek help from, but no one looked promising. Feeling the guy getting closer, Nat finally saw someone that felt right.

"Hey, sorry I misunderstood the meeting place," he called out, giving the man he had approached a quick peck on the cheek while whispering. "Please play along." Nat just hoped this man wouldn't be offended, but instead actually help him.

7 notes • Posted 2021-07-07 02:31:01 GMT

Please unfollow me if:

You support gatekeeping in the rp community. Yes, I do get why, but I think rping can be a good way to learn about something: a culture, disability etc. As long as you research and that you accept friendly advise from people in that group, I don't see anything wrong with rping a muse belonging to something you don't. If you don't like what you see, just unfollow/block. Tbh, I think gatekeeping will always do more harm than good in the long run. And yes, I belong to several minority groups myself that are frequently misrepresented when shown in media.

You tell people who they can or can't rp with. I understand that people can get hurt, but that's what the block function is for. Telling people to not interact with someone just because of your own experience is both illogical and selfish.

You bash on people for liking/disliking a specific character. We all have different taste and that's fine, but being rude towards someone else because they don't feel the same about a character as you do is just stupid and immature.

You guilt trip people for something they like to rp. As long as you tag sensitive or generally viewed as disturbing topics, rp whatever you want. You're not a bad person for wanting to rp 'forbidden' topics.

All in all, if you're one of those who feel the need to vent your dislike to the mun rping whatever it is you dislike, instead of just unfollow/block quietly, I'm not the right rp partner for you.

8 notes • Posted 2021-07-09 05:36:10 GMT

Cont. from [x] with @mr007pennyworth

“Okay, Sir.” Nat confirmed and once the gate was unlocked for him to enter, he hurried up to the house and the front door. The place looked so neat and clean that he had to pause inside the door to remove his shoes. There was no way he’d walk inside with them. He left the jacket there too, not generally liking to enter people’s homes off hours in his work clothes, but this place made it feel almost sacrilege to do so. Though he was glad for the open floorplan, otherwise he might never have found the kitchen.

“Mr. Pennyworth. I wish we met during better circumstances, Jason speaks very highly of you,” Nat greeted, giving the older man a small smile, even if it couldn’t chase away the worry in his eyes. “I’m sorry to just drop by like this, but i didn’t know where else to go. I know he sometimes...ehm... get in trouble and sometimes just needs some time off. I thought if that was the case, you might know and if he’s in trouble, well the quicker we can start looking for him, the quicker we can find him.” And the more likely he were to still be alive.

10 notes • Posted 2021-08-26 22:14:09 GMT

Relationships

Thought I might do a little update about Nat’s different relationships. I won’t mention all of them, but the ones that are the most important to him. If your muse isn’t mentioned, it doesn’t mean that Nat (or me) doesn’t like them, but not all relationships can be deep/special.

ROMANTIC

Nathanael’s most prominent romantic relationship is with Dionisus Rosali ( @goldentemplariumcrow ) and Jason Todd ( @rxsurrxcted ). Yes, they’re a throuple and very happy together, except when certain people decide to try and die and a certain other person has to drag them back to life.

However, his oldest romantic relationship is in his Star Trek verse with fellow medical personnel Isiah Knight ( @whydotheykeeptakingmine ).

MAYBE ROMANTIC

Feelings are starting to brew for Oliver Queen ( @thegreenxrcher ). Ollie is a charming and interesting person, though Nat wish he could be a little bit more careful. It would be nice to patch him up a little less frequently (which is not gonna happen and Nat knows that).

PLATONIC

There isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for his friend Ella Doe ( @thewonderingsorceress ). She might think he’s a way too cheerful pain in the ass, but they both know that she too cares about him.

Bucky Barnes ( @weaponizedembrace ) helped him through a really rough part of his life. Though Bucky would probably claim Nat was the one who started the helping. Despite that Bucky is considerably more durable than Nat, he’d throw himself in front of any thread towards his friend.

And that’s it. These are the relationships Nat finds the most important. Some of them are more active than others. Some were brief and some mostly happens outside of Tumblr, but they are all relationships that have made great impact on him as a person.

12 notes • Posted 2021-07-12 15:46:36 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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quietlyluna · 3 years

Text

Writeblr Introduction of Quietly Luna

Hello! I've seen a few of the fancy introductions in the writeblr community and thought I might make one too, except without the pretty pictures and whatnot because I honestly do not know how.

I go by Luna and this is mainly my snippets blog where I save the bits and pieces of writing that pop in my head and won't go away until I've written them down somewhere. It's unlikely I'll ever do more with these, but maybe someday.

I'll post mostly my own writing and sprinkles of reblogs here and there along with original photos from my trips that inspire my imagination.

If you'd like, there's more, but I know long posts can be painful so I've added a cut. (I just figured out that’s a thing)

I follow a variety of blogs, mostly to have something cheerful to scroll through, and I 100% don't ever expect a follow back. I post here mostly as an online writing diary and never really expect anyone to read, let alone like anything I put here. It's just my online hoard of words.

Also please note that I'm what tumblr calls 'an Old' and am well past my schooling years so I try not to follow anyone underage as I don't want to seem creepy. Feel free to unfollow or block me if you are in anyway uncomfortable with me being Old.

I'm always down to chat with anyone who'd like to say hello, just know that I am often busy and rather scatterbrained.

Stories that get plopped here are often pantsed (made up on the fly without plotting or planning first, a term coined by NaNoWriMo) and may not head in any particular direction. Most will likely go unfinished. If they’re persistent enough, I might just churn them out here, updating as often as I can, likely unedited.

I write mostly fantasy and sci-fi, as that’s what I prefer to read. I’m not an accomplished author and I only write when the mood strikes and I have time, so it’s just a hobby and not so much a career goal.

I’ve rambled on enough so once again, hello writeblr community! *waves*

#writeblr introduction #writeblr #quietlyluna #amwriting #hello writeblr #tumblr newbie #tags are weird here #writing blog #new writeblr #googles how to do the tumblr

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chrisevansbabymama · 4 years

Text

The Break Up - Part 1

Part One

Y/N was sure of it. Chris was doing this to rub it in her face, to show how happy he was without her; and how his family was happy too. Whilst everything had been going south for her since they’d broken up, it seemed he was also siding with the world against her. She’d been watching the Insta stories of her close friends and family, never flipping past anyone because they were all people she knew intimately. Then Chris’ played straight after, before she even had a chance to skip it. They hadn’t unfollowed or blocked each other yet on their socials, of course this was down to their persistent publicists who’d decided it was best to not give the press any leverage on their break up.

In true Chris fashion, he hadn’t uploaded in a while - he wasn’t even an avid Insta user, so her theory that he was doing this to taunt her made sense.

Home is where the heart is, he captioned a picture of him and the family that seemed to have been taken candidly. Everyone looked so happy. Had this been taken almost six weeks ago, she would have been in there nestled somewhere between him and Dodger.

She’d lingered too long on the picture, smiling back at the faces she’d known as her second family in the last year and a half since they’d met. Then the next one played, and she didn’t want to skip it. She didn’t care if he saw her on the viewers list, she had nothing to lose now anyway.

“Happy birthday ma,” his Bostonian accent boomed, the video showing Lisa sitting at the kitchen counter in a robe scrolling through her phone as he walked up to her.

“Christopher Robert Evans!” She whined, extending her hand towards the phone, trying to block him.

“Whooooaaa,” He laughed, that laugh that she loved so much, “Wow! C’mon, just say ‘hi’ birthday girl,”

“It’s too early for this Chris,” she looked away.

“Why are you up so early on your birthday?” he asked hugging her, then the video cut off after the 15 second allowance.

Y/N had played it over and over again, each time noticing something new; his beard had gotten longer and hair darker. He’d lost weight: he wasn’t as bulky as she remembered him in her arms. But he looked so happy, so it couldn’t have been a post-breakup weight loss. The other times she’d noticed the small details that only she or his friends and family would know; how his nephew had shot up in height, Lisa had painted the kitchen in ecru and rearranged the pantry.

She knew she had to speak to Lisa and wish her a happy birthday. They still talked even after the break up, Lisa was always confident that it was temporary and that he would come to his senses. Y/N doubted it; he’d said some pretty mean things, she’d said some pretty mean things too and she wasn’t sure how they were going to, if ever, recover from that. Even though her heart was going against the grain of her resolve, challenging everything she stood for: to not be taken for a fool by a man. But feelings are a funny thing, and she loved Chris. Despite how he’d taken her for a fool, she still wanted it to work and this to be all over.

But Lisa didn’t pick up Y/N’s call that afternoon. Not even the second one either, the over-thinker she was, Y/N drew to a conclusion that Lisa was too busy with her family now to talk to her. Nor did she even want to talk to the woman that had hurt his son. And that too hurt because he had hurt her.

But the truth was, she wanted Lisa to pick up so she could hear his voice in the background. Even if it was muffled, it was her favourite sound.

“Hi Lisa, it’s Y/N...I uhm, I didn’t want to leave a message of course but I know you’re super busy with the family around. I just wanted to say Happy Birthday! I hope you have an amazing day with everyone. I miss you, sorry I haven’t been in touch much this week, I’ve been super busy. But I hope we can catch up sometime, okay, bye. I love you,”

And just like that, Y/N had spent the whole day glued to her phone endlessly refreshing her Instagram and Twitter hoping for an update. She’d lost the privilege of knowing the intimate details of what he was up to, so if it meant grasping 15 second bursts on Instagram, then that was fine too. She was like one of them now – his followers, only getting the vague and general stuff, and not the direct messages or memes sent directly to her like she used to. That realisation hurt her especially because he hadn’t been posting anything, and the one time he resurfaces he’s with his family, flaunting his joy and life without her. She had posted a lot, (too much even) since the break up, and if she were to be honest, it was for his attention. She wanted him to see how good she’d been looking, the mini dresses, the short shorts, the haircut, the mysterious male hand in her food snaps and the melancholic love quotes. But he hadn’t watched any of the stories, much to her dismay. Scott had, and he would call to check in on her. But he wasn’t Chris!

“Lisa,” Y/N answered later that evening as she settled on the couch with a glass of wine after dinner, resigning from her social media stalking because if she knew Chris well, she knew he wasn’t going to post anymore intimate moments with his family. And if anything, it would be something to do with Dodger or repost something about NASA and the moon and stars.

“Happy birthday!”

“Y/N, sweetie, hi. Thank you so much, how’re you?”

“I’m good Lisa,”

“Sorry I missed your call, it’s chaos over here,” she laughed. “I haven’t had a chance to catch a break since morning,”

“I can imagine. Always keeping you on your toes,” Y/N chuckled softly. “How’s your day been?”

“It’s been busy and full – but so lovely. They sent me to get a massage this morning, then they all cooked lunch. We’re just coming in from dinner. I got your present, you are too kind and generous Y/N. Thank you so much, I really wasn’t expecting it,”

“Oh you’re welcome, I hope you enjoy it,”

Lisa paused, “I uhmm...was hoping you would show up. I really thought when they sent me to the spa that I’d come back home and you’d be there as a surprise. I kept waiting for that opportunity for you to pop up and surprise me,”

Now it was Y/N’s turn to pause. But nothing came out, shocked that Lisa was thinking of her at all on her special day when she was spending it with her family. Even worse, was the gut wrenching feeling in her stomach as Lisa’s words sunk in reminding her how easily she could have been there today, had she maybe just swallowed her pride and parted ways with her inhibiting principals?

“It’ll be okay Y/N. You and Chris, this is just a rough patch,” Lisa reiterated the same song she’d been singing the last few weeks but Y/N no longer believed it.

It’d been weeks. No changes or sign that he was even going to come back. He’d barely fought for the relationship then, so why would he now?

At this point, she was starting to realise that she needed to graduate from the grieving stage of denial and anger to bargaining, and with some time acceptance.

“I don’t know Lisa, I thought so too but, I don’t know,”

“This isn’t right, you two love each other,” Lisa said, almost to herself more than anything. “Why can’t you both see it?”

“Uhm, Lisa I have to go,” Y/N said quickly, awash with emotions that she didn’t think she’d confront today when she’d woken up in a good mood.

No matter how friendly she was with Lisa, this was his mom, so she couldn’t be too reckless and as honest as she wanted to be, but her son had really hurt her and it wasn’t fair that she was painting a picture that both of them were being stubborn. Y/N needed to save the rant for her mom who was used to the late night phone calls and tears. But she loved Lisa too much to lose her by weeping over and ranting about that annoyingly handsome son of hers.

“I’ve got company, sorry. Can I call you tomorrow?” Y/N lied.

“Of course, I better go too, they’re waiting on me to start the movie,” Lisa laughed, both women knowing that she could read through Y/N’s lie.

But Lisa had a way of working her coulda-been-daughter-in-law; she knew the right words to say and a way to speak to her to get her to open up. Tonight wasn’t the right time, especially with her culprit of her son in the room next door and the joyous occasion.

“Ma! Come. On!” Y/N could hear Carly yelling in the background.

“See what I mean?” Lisa laughed.

“I see,” Y/N laughed. “Goodnight Lisa, and don’t worry about Chris and I. Enjoy your birthday,”

“Goodnight honey, we’ll resolve that,” Lisa said. “I love you,”

“Kay, I love you too,”

Y/N chewed on her bottom lip, pensive, sad, wistful, her heart longing for the Evans’ family company, and attention from a certain Evans. If she was there, she and Chris would have snuck out halfway throughout the film and gone for a walk where they would share intimate goals and aspirations. Or they would go on a long drive and end up in a parking lot with mellow background music and heating on in his car, eating McDonald’s off their laps and stealing each other’s fries and dips. Chris would teach her about the constellation. They would make a new playlist together and drive back, sneak back into the house sometime around 2AM and make a messy freakshake that they would have found on Pinterest. They’d stay up in the lounge, whispering quietly with Family Guy in the background and melt into each other as they made out. They’d ultimately end up in his childhood bedroom, squeezing in on his bed. It was a good excuse to cuddle all night long. Chris would wake up with a dead arm but the pillow talk made it worth it.

By the time she’d drowned her third glass of the red wine, her memories and visions of him got blurred and not so pleasant. The vision of the last time she saw him, the day that they broke up kept haunting her but in parts, so she decided to call it a night and waddled up to her bedroom and threw herself on the bed, falling asleep straight away. She didn’t hear her phone ringing and vibrating downstairs.

Baaaaby

Missed Call (2)

And then pinging with message alerts.

Baaaaby: hey Y/N, it’s Chris

Baaaaby: hope you’re ok?

Baaaaby: Call me when you can

Baaaaby: Please*

#Chris Evans #chris evans gif #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fanfic #Chris Evans fic #Chris Evas fan fiction #Chris Evans imagine #Chris Evans angst #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x woc #Chris Evans The Break-Up #Chris Evans multi-series #Chris Evans Masterlist #Chris Evans fan fic

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petitkibu · 4 years

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a post for me and you;

reminders for my panicky days, depressive episodes, manic states, when i feel hopeless or out of control. maybe it’ll help someone else, too. ~ ess, they/them, nonbinary, queer, shawol. i have anxiety. i’m a minor.

- think about the small things you have control over: the lights/curtains/window/tidiness in your room, having a drink of water/juice/soda, how you decide to spend your free time, or how you talk to the people around you

- write everything down: how you feel, why you think you might feel this way and if there’s a reason, write down every detail about it that made you feel sad/angry/scared/alone. it’s okay to cry, to be sad, and lonely. let yourself feel those emotions and understand that you’re human.

- make a little plan: for what to do now, what to do tonight, or what to do tomorrow. don’t be strict or precise, and forgive yourself if you miss some steps/forget something/something goes wrong- it’s just a reminder of small things to fill your time/mind/hands with, and you’re going to be okay.

- tidy up your bedside table: decide to put away the book you’ve left there for a week now, or read it for a few minutes. dust the lamp, clean up any crumbs, dust, tissues, or dishes. if something’s there that doesn’t belong, put it back in it’s home and tell the object that you’re proud of it’s journey, you’ve worked hard, now take a nap and stay there for a while

- take a bath: this is what i have to do if i’m very shaky, feeling very unstable or nervous, and can’t think straight. do anything you can to make it enjoyable for you. if you’re having issues with your body image and it’s going to scare you more, you can wear a swimsuit(of course if it’s too much, absolutely don’t force yourself. you know inside what’s good for you and what’s not. you are growing, getting better and getting stronger, even if you don’t see it now. be patient.). bath bombs are nice, or bath salts. bring a glass of water. if you want, you can put on your favourite album. mine is jonghyun’s ‘poet | artist’, or epik high’s ‘shoebox’. or do none of those things and just lay in the bath. think about your breath, and be thankful for it; even if it’s difficult. forgive yourself.

- drink a cup of tea: i drink sleepytime tea, even if it’s morning (black teas and berry/’boost’ teas sometimes add to my nausea and make my episodes more difficult). but whatever you like. i like putting a little bit of honey in, too! even if you don’t like tea, just make some and sip it. try not to drink it quickly(this is a bit hard for me), just be patient. don’t force yourself to finish it, either.

- get off of twitter, instagram, and tiktok for a little while: i don’t mean delete your account, or the app. i just mean don’t click on the apps for maybe 30 mins. for me, tumblr is much less in-your-face and fast paced, and snapchat is more of an app to message friends. of course, you could just do something else instead of go on your phone/laptop, but it’s also comforting to be distracted(some people might find snapchat and tumblr more triggering/stimulating. this is just my personal experience).

- take a quick look through your own social media account(s): delete posts, change your layout. scroll for a little while, recall on your feelings from just a few days ago: think about how it made you feel or what came of it. if it doesn’t make you feel good, take it down. unfollow some people, block some people that have been making you nervous/posting content you don’t really want to see(no one is going to blame you for this. remember that you have some control over the content you see everyday, and don’t just put up with everything. you can unblock them a little while later if you want).

- think about things that make you happy: this seems really obvious, and is an overused “sentiment”. but for me, i think about writing a story(i’m always writing one in my head), or about how with each day that passes, i’m getting closer to seeing my boys back together again! i think about shinee a lot, actually, about how they’re doing, and i make little wishes for them, and if i see the moon at night, i tell them to him and i know he makes them come true! i think about epik high, about grateful i am for them, and how they’re such role models/idols for me. think about people you love.

- cry: let yourself cry, let yourself feel bad. we’re not only supposed to feel good things and feel happy. probably not everything is good right now. let yourself feel. you don’t have to cry alone, and you don’t have to cry quietly.

- watch a comfort movie: mine is pinocchio! this is hard for me to do, to sit through a movie. i’m not sure why, but i’m not good at it. i get very distracted/bored and end up turning it off most times. but if you love movies, or have one that makes you feel like a kid again, put one on.

- reach out: tell a family member, your online best friend, your teacher, anyone. talk to someone. for me, sometimes i have to go on a walk with my brother and talk about random stuff. sometimes i have to go to my best friend’s house for an afternoon. sometimes i have to vent to the group chat (shoutout to kibu nose luvers global). there are people who will listen, you just have to reach out.

- listen to a podcast: i love true crime podcasts, like counterclock, and and that’s why we drink (shoutout to em for the nonbinary representation!)- but during an anxiety attack, hearing about all the details of death is not good. for me, at least. the tablo podcast (lots of talk about mental health!!)is my favourite. tablo is a korean-canadian hip-hop artist, most known as being a third of the group epik high. he’s a rapper, dad, marvel and lego lover, and he’s constantly making fun of his manager, eddie. just listen to it! i don’t know what i’d do without it. also, the jenna and julien podcast is amazing, of course. they play games, interact with their fanbase a lot, and talk about important stuff too. they’re good people and a hilarious couple(hope you’re doing well, jenna! love you lots)! jumping in an elevator is a great podcast, too, it’s a new one! he talks about everything from nicki minaj to physics. ones i haven’t tried but have heard good things about are: how did i get here? with jae of day6, teenager therapy, not too deep with grace helbig, get real with peniel, bm and ashley choi, and beach too sandy, water too wet.

- make a playlist: picture your most perfect or ideal moment, feeling, place, or day. and make a soundtrack to it. put your headphones on, go on a walk and listen to it. it’s so healing.

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spikeymarshmallows · 4 years

Text

so. real talk re: writing because IDK if I’ve cried about it here or just on all my discords, but i am gonna complain about it here to, mmk.

TLDR: I am sad about writing. I hope rambling about it will help.

I’m so scared that I’ll lose my ability to write TUA fic T.T I was so so productive and guys: I’ve written >300k of TUA fic since mid-December.

But in the past month or so... I’ve really lost it.

Yeah, yeah, I know there’s a lot of shit going on.

But somehow I managed to write a thesis, amidst COVID, and a breakup... I managed through some of the worst depression I’ve experienced in about 10yrs. Like, guys, I was NOT GOOD. I didn’t realise how NOT GOOD I was until I was talking to a pal and realised I hadn’t washed my hair in 10 days and hadn’t showered in 5.

And now... Now I’m just... I’m just so tired...

And the S2 negativity claws at me. I GET IT. I understand why people are upset. Now I’ve had some time away from it.... Yeah, I’m pretty : ( about it too... I have a whole rant about that (not S2--about the fandom) but that’s not for public eyes. Just... I absorb the negativity and it’s not nice. But I also understand and empathise why people are so angry about it.

And then like... People I adore and respect... The fandom has made Klaus be such a way that a lot of people dislike Klaus now... And TBQH: I don’t blame them!! I hate the woobifying we see... People are allowed to do as they please!! But... It’s not to my personal tastes.

And really, I should just write what the fuck I want... I like writing Klaus as he is, and he doesn’t represent the fandoms id, and I like that. But for some reason it gets me down how many people dislike this character I really like....

And honestly, I probs just need to quietly unfollow the people who I absorb the most hurt and negativity off. Or I gotta get better at... IDK, emotionally shielding??

And I worry I’ve burnt out... This happens every time I do a 90k+ fic... : (

And the thing is: I have a really good writing streak going and I don’t wanna break it. And I worry... if I take a break... I’ll have writers block for another year, like I did all of 2019... T.T

So. Anyway. I’m gonna talk about some of the things I really wanna write... and maybe even include some snips... Maybe it’ll make me feel okay? IDK.

[And god, I miss writing my Museum ‘verse but I am pretty blocked there T.T]

But I’ve got a Five Times Diego and Klaus Celebrate Christmas Alone, and One Time They didn’t fic...

And I’ve got this fic... Where Klaus starts learning shibari to help with sobriety and practices on his siblings, and then Diego... well, Diego sinks into subspace so fucking fast.. And we get Diego struggling with submitting/bottoming and... >:) And smut. Much smut. And rope. I really like shibari.

And I have a few fics in the works for the Banned Together Bingo, but the one I’m most excited about involves Diego adopting a dog :O

And I was gonna write “Extra Ordinary” but... That would be sad and horrible. So I’ve decided that I wanna write Klaus’ version.

Here is a snippet:

It's always hard to tell what a person's earliest memory is. All of those years kind of blur together, and all the drugs I took probably didn't help with the memory. And then you've got those 'memories' which may not be memories at all, because they were told to you and you think you can remember them, but maybe you just created a false memory in your mind, and maybe you don't really remember it at all.

But all of that borne in mind: my earliest memory includes one, Diego "Number Two" Hargreeves, throwing his bowl of what I've been told was spaghetti-o's, right at Dad's stupid face.

If you know about Diego's powers, you can imagine why this was absolutely fucking hilarious then and is even funnier now.

If you've been off in the wild, being raised by wolves and have never encountered any form of pop culture, and thus don't know: Number Two has the ability to change the trajectory of objects in motion. No matter what he throws, it always hits its target.

And its target? Dad's face.

It was a masterpiece. Easily one of the best days of my life.

I don't know if this is actually my earliest memory. But I like to think it is.

And I just want... ridiculous stories of these kids... and they’ll be in Klaus Style, and then there’ll be a chapter where Klaus is like:

And then he locked me in a crypt for ten hours.

That’s it. That’s the chapter. So all this chaos... and then this seriousness, that’ll hopefully be so abrupt that it gives emotional whiplash.

And I wanna write a Hogwarts AU, Enemies to Lovers. I’ve got a few ideas... Like... Maybe each “year” is told from the perspective of each of the seven... Allison and Luther getting together early, but Klaus and Diego taking years to get there.... Five, resentfully, a Hufflepuff, and absolutely enamoured with Vanya. Ben, long-suffering. All of them playing Quidditch... HNNNGGGG. I have a lot of ideas here.... But no Plot TM.

And a What’s Your Number AU. That’s it. That’s the plot. Maybe... with Justin and David... Or Ben and Diego.... >.> IDK man.

And I want Demon!Klaus and Angel!Diego... No plot there. Just want it... Maybe I should watch Good Omens and see if that’d make a fun AU....

And then we have [look, I’m just going through my Scrivener rn...] a High School musical AU. Not the movie... But like... The kids are in a school, and it’s putting on a musical... Angry but shy loner Diego, who can seriously dance, and disaster Klaus, and Allison who wants to be the star of everything, and Luther just has such a crush on her and MUST be in the musical to play her love interest, otherwise he’ll never find the courage to talk to her....

And then! Another High School AU. Instead of Ben dying... he nearly dies. And Child Protection are finally like “hmmm, this is child abuse...” and takes the kids away. Allison, in a panic, Rumours that they stay together... And then... chaos. Throwing the seven into public school, when they’ve never interacted with others... God. The sheer ridiculousness... And I really love the ending I’ve got planned for it T.T

I’ve also got a few S2-inspired ideas... Klaus lands in the 60's but hits his head and doesn't remember anything. He doesn't remember that he can see ghosts and so ends up absolutely terrified, and put into an asylum. Diego lands a year later, and is also put into the asylum. He sees what might be Klaus, but no. No, it can't be… Or can it? T.T And then they gotta escape and... T.T

And then I wanna project all my feelings onto Klaus struggling with being touch-averse and yet also someone that desperately wants to touch the ones he loves, but... it makes his skin crawl. [SO MUCH PROJECTION.]

And then I have a fic idea that I can’t talk about because it’s a gift for someone...

And then... Justin and David fic..... >.>

And last night... I had an incredible idea for a sci-fi, dystopian AU... It’d be a lot more Serious than the other stuff I’ve written. And I REALLY want my writing powers back because I HAVE THINGS I WANNA WRITE... T.T And those are just the fic ideas that have words in Scrivener...

But this sci-fi thing would be.... it would be an Epic. But maybe I could do it in <30k... IDK.

Anyway. I was feeling good again, and then checked Tumblr and....

I’m going to try to crawl to bed and take a valium, because the mood is so low that it might as well be in the ground.

#overshare hour with spikey #spikey writes #and spikey hurts inside #and she can't afford her therapy no more lol

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