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sentinelpri · 1 year

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Stupid

“Staring at Kakashi again, huh?”

Anko damn-near jumps out of her seat as she sits at the dango stand, her good friend Shizune by her side. The two women are enjoying a calm and peaceful lunch together- at least, they were until none other than Kakashi Hatake and Might Guy showed up to enjoy a lunch of their own. As embarrassing as it is, Anko hasn’t been able to keep her eyes off of the Copycat Ninja since he entered the establishment.

Apparently, Shizune has noticed.

“Say that a little louder, why don’t you!” Anko sarcastically scolds and leans in to scold her friend, who offers nothing more than a guilty laugh. “Seriously, Shizune! I don’t want him to know, you know!?”

Anko glances over at Kakashi, who seems absorbed in whatever conversation he’s having with Guy. It seems like the two are talking about an A-Rank mission they have coming up soon. Anko doesn’t care enough to listen. No, she cares, she just wishes she didn’t. So, she looks down at her skewer of dangos and ignores the melodious voice and familiar laugh of the masked man she’s admired since they were young Chunin.

Kakashi Hatake is stupid. Anko Mitarashi doesn’t love people who are stupid. Yes, she wants Kakashi on a carnal level that she can’t quite explain, but it isn’t love- because when feelings are labeled as love, that’s when they become scary.

When she’s sure that Kakashi isn’t looking their way, she peers over at him again. Puffy, silver hair, a soft charcoal eye, the rest of his face covered by that mask that Anko wants to rip off so badly. The way Kakashi moves is languid and soft just like he is, like he doesn’t have a care in the world despite carrying so much on his shoulders. He never buckles, never bends, never breaks. He just slouches and carries on as if nothing matters. He’s late to everything, he treats his friends like shit, and he’s arguably the worst Jonin teacher in Konoha, and yet…

He’s beautiful. He’s intelligent in battle, graceful, and caring in his own weird way, even if he is an absolute fucking idiot. It’s no wonder so many people love him.

Anko doesn’t know why she never fights it. She never shoves her way in between Kakashi and his admirers, never tries to top her competition. Maybe she doesn’t want to appear desperate. Maybe she fears rejection. Whatever it is, it’s enough to make her stop and look away every time she sees someone who looks at Kakashi the exact same way she does.

Tenzou, who so sweetly calls Kakashi ‘senpai’ after all these years and who follows him around like a lost puppy.

Might Guy, who challenges Kakashi to those stupid contests as an excuse to spend time with him, who is content to stay stuck in his unrequited love so long as he can still have Kakashi as a friend.

Hana Inuzuku, who offers Kakashi and his eight Ninken discounts at her veterinary clinic just so Kakashi will bring in his dogs (and himself) more often to see her.

Iruka Umino, who looks to point out the flaws in Kakashi’s mission reports and talk to him about his students just so he can stare at the Jonin with those big brown eyes for much longer than he really should be.

Ayame, who lumps extra food in Kakashi’s bowl free of charge- Ayame, who seems like she’s fallen in love all over again each time Kakashi takes his mask down to eat at Ichiraku Ramen.

There are so many people in the village who would give their lives for Kakashi, who would do anything for him to notice them. But Kakashi doesn’t appreciate them. He doesn’t even have a clue that they exist, because he’s stupid. Anko has always hated that about him.

Anko lingers at the stand far too long after finishing her food, and Shizune doesn’t question it. They both know her reasons. Maybe she’s not in love with Kakashi, maybe she doesn’t love him, but she can admit to herself and those that are close to her that she at least wants him. So they stay. Anko takes in Kakashi’s presence for a little longer and reminds herself of every little thing that keeps her from loving him.

On top of being stupid, Kakashi Hatake is also busy. Too busy. Unlike most of the Jonin in the village who take weeks off after going on a long mission, Kakashi insists on keeping himself busy. It’s odd to her that such a lackadaisical man can’t seem to sit still; to find someone to settle down with, to build a family, to live a normal life. Perhaps it’s from being on that strict Anbu regimen for so long, or perhaps he’s just trying to run from his problems like she does.

Anko doesn’t understand it. She has people who want her, sure. There are some crazy ninja in the village who stare at her with unmistakable lust in their eyes, who want to land her in bed for the sake of being able to say they fucked the crazy snake lady. But none of them love her. Anko doesn’t have any living family, or really any friends aside from Shizune and Ibiki, both of whom she keeps at a comfortable distance. Kakashi, on the other hand, has plenty of people who love him; his three students, Lady Tsunade, Jiraiya, and his many close friends and admirers. Kakashi has everything that Anko wants and he squanders it by risking his life more often than he needs to and refusing to spend enough time with those who love him.

Anko finds herself uneasy when Kakashi is out of town for A-Rank missions, which is all the time now that all of his students are being trained by the legendary Sannin. So, thanks to the friend-killing bastard, she’s uneasy all the time. Part of her wants the opportunity to beat the shit out of him for making her feel this way. The other part of her wants nothing more than to kiss away the problems he’s so obviously running from by overworking himself.

A terrible habit that Anko has developed is sitting atop the tree branches just outside of the village gates to watch for the other Jonin when she hears he’s supposed to return soon. It’s five in the morning, far too early for her to be up. Neither of the Chunin at the gate have noticed her- a tad embarrassing and concerning considering that they’re the village’s first defense against anyone trying to come in. Then again, if she were them, she wouldn’t expect her to be up there waiting for Kakashi either.

Eventually, she sees Kakashi start to come through. The older Jonin’s silver hair is crusted in blood that Anko isn’t sure whose it is, his uniform is all sorts of torn, and his empty backpack is almost completely shredded, barely hanging onto his back by a single strap. The way he walks is weird, too, and that’s when the realization hits her.

Kakashi has been poisoned. That explains the lethargic, stumbly way he puts one foot in front of the other along with the far-off look in his eye. He suddenly sits on the dirt ground and stares up at the trees.

“Waiting for me to come home again, hm, Anko?” At that, Anko jumps down from her hiding spot. It doesn’t surprise her that Kakashi already knew, though she does wonder why he hasn’t said anything until now. Anko rushes to sit next to Kakashi and inspect his body to see where the poison was forced in. They’re just far enough from the village gates that neither Kotetsu nor Izumo see them. “You know, it’s too early to be out. Why not sleep if you have the day off?”

“Idiot, you’re hurt!” Anko exclaims with a red face as she finds what she suspects to be the cut that Kakashi’s enemy dealt to poison him. It’s a gash on his palm that appears to be from blocking a kunai. “The hell were you thinking coming back to the village without contacting a medical nin first if you knew you were poisoned? Don’t tell me they actually sent you alone!”

“Heh, I knew you’d be here for me…” Kakashi, clearly out of it, laughs. Then, he offers Anko his hand. “You always are.”

Kakashi is a fool who doesn’t mind throwing his life away for the sake of the village. Anko is no better, but it’s something she hates about Kakashi, as she hates it about herself, too. Just another quality for the list of reasons she doesn’t love Kakashi Hatake.

“Tch,” Anko grunts and places Kakashi’s hand over her lap before placing both of her hands over the wound. She scrounges up what little medical ninjutsu she learned from Orochimaru to draw the poison out of Kakashi’s wound. Thankfully, it’s a small amount that hasn’t spread all the way through his body, so as long as Anko can get him to a hospital after giving basic first aid, he’ll be fine. “You’re lucky I know a bit of medical ninjutsu… It’ll be a botched job, but you’ll live. Now shut the fuck up and let me heal you, yeah?”

“Haha, with pleasure…”

If the stupidity and the reckless mission-after-mission lifestyle aren’t enough, Kakashi Hatake is ugly. Or, Anko assumes he’s ugly, anyway. Why else would he keep his face covered so religiously? It’s embarrassing that Anko is still so attracted to him when the only parts of him she can see are his right eye and his hands.

After dragging him through the village gates and answering a barrage of questions from Kotetsu, Izumo, Lady Tsunade, and all of the medical staff at Konohagakure’s main hospital, Anko is exhausted. Multiple people told her that it was a good thing she’d been there waiting for Kakashi, otherwise he might not have made it to the hospital. The poison he’d been stabbed with was a fast-spreading one with lethal effects, even in small doses. If Anko hadn’t shown up and gotten it out when she did, Kakashi would have probably dropped dead before reaching the village gates and gone unnoticed until it was already too late.

That thought makes Anko angry. The mission was an A-Rank in Sunagakure. There aren’t nearly enough medical nin there, but to think that Kakashi didn’t bother trying to stop anywhere on the way back for help… God, if he weren’t already in the hospital, Anko thinks she’d fucking kill him for being so stupid.

She sits by his bedside, staring at the clock. She has to go help Ibiki with an interrogation in a little over an hour, but with the spare time she’s had, she’s been with Kakashi. He’s unconscious, but stable, fully cleared of the poison that previously afflicted him. Were the poison the only issue, he’d already be discharged, though. Kakashi is also dehydrated, malnourished, depleted of Chakra, and cut badly enough in three different places that he had to get stitches.

Anko could scream thinking about it. She’s mad at Lady Tsunade for sending him alone. She’s mad at him for not taking care of himself. She’s mad at herself for being so upset over it when she feels as if Kakashi doesn’t deserve her anger nor her concern.

She stares down at him and sighs, unable to help how her face softens. Kakashi is sleeping peacefully, much to her relief. That stupid mask and his stupid headband still cover most of his face. Anko envies the medical staff who got to work on him, as she knows they’ve seen his face, washed his hair, cared for him in a way so intimate… Ew, no. Kakashi is terrible, and he was severely injured. What a stupid thing to be jealous of.

Frustrated, Anko stands to leave, only to feel a strong, cold hand wrap around her wrist. She turns to see Kakashi, who is barely awake and staring at her with a single charcoal eye.

“Anko,” He rasps. “I’m sorry, and… Thank you. Could we go for dinner after I get discharged? I’ll make it up to you.”

Anko almost says ‘yes’ until she remembers just how stupid Kakashi is and decides against it. She doesn’t want to say ‘no’ either, though.

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you later, Kakashi.”

Then, she leaves, a pang of guilt swirling around oh-so-terribly in the pit of her stomach.

She has to remind herself that this is not a regular, innocent man. This is Kakashi Hatake. He’s stupid, he’s far too busy, and he’s ugly. He’s ugly in the way he treats his friends, ugly in the way he hides his face, ugly in the way he hides his trauma, ugly in the way he has no regard for others. Kakashi is as fucked up if not more fucked up than Anko herself, and if she lets him know the truth, she’ll be doomed. That much is certain.

Then again… The feelings she possesses for him far exceed simple want. Maybe she loves him. The only issue is that she knows she shouldn’t. So, whatever love she feels for him, she shoves into the back of her mind and tries to ignore. Thankfully, Kakashi hasn’t figured it out.

~~~

Finally, the worst of all the reasons Anko won’t admit to loving Kakashi; Kakashi isn’t a very subservient man compared to the rest. Most of the people in the village who are crazy enough to want anything to do with Anko- men and women alike- trip and fall over themselves to please her. They bring her coffees at embarrassingly early hours of the morning, they insist on buying her dango at lunchtime, and they offer to take her to the fanciest of restaurants and the sweetest of sightseeing locations. Anko can’t love them because they are not Kakashi, and they only do these things for her because they expect something sexual in return.

However… Deep down…

Kakashi scares her.

Kakashi has never made Anko coffee, bought her lunch, dragged her along to dinner, or anything of the sort. He’s saved her life a few times, and she’s saved his, but he’s never had that expectant, wanton look in his eye like the others. He would not do anything and everything for Anko to win her affections. Maybe he doesn’t want her affections at all.

Kakashi, unlike the others, is subtle and confusing. Anko can’t see right through him and decipher his motives, and it’s a pill that’s hard to swallow because she refuses to be the one tripping over her feet to win Kakashi’s love.

Most of the time, Kakashi doesn’t bother sparing a single glance Anko’s way. At least, she doesn’t think he does until tonight.

She sits on the rooftop of her apartment complex, which is coincidentally Kakashi’s apartment complex as well. They live next door to each other and have since Kakashi’s sensei died fourteen years ago. Anko has always wanted to talk to him, but beyond work affairs, she hasn’t been successful. It’s best to just stay away.

“Anko!” To her surprise, she hears a familiar voice and looks over her shoulder to see Kakashi himself coming to join her on the rooftop through the latch that leads into the apartment’s stairwell. “Funny seeing you here.”

“Kakashi,” Anko stiffly greets as Kakashi sits uncomfortably close to her. Her cheeks burn bright red with a heavy blush as she gets up and starts walking towards the roof’s exit, only for Kakashi to get up and follow her. “I was just leaving!”

“Were you really? Because I saw you come up here not less than five minutes ago.”

“I was just up here for a quick smoke,” Anko lies through her teeth- she hasn’t smoked in years.

“That stuff’s bad for you, y’know,” Kakashi sighs. Anko stupidly turns to face the Jonin, only to find that he’s standing far too close; their noses are almost touching and she can smell his stupidly floral shampoo from where she’s standing. “But you don’t need to lie to me. I’m half Inuzuka and I don’t smell a trace of cigarette smoke on you; just blood and dango.”

Anko shrugs and pretends not to care about Kakashi’s accurate observation. She has remnants of blood on her trench coat from cutting fingers off at an interrogation she did today, and she stopped for dango on the way home. She honestly forgot about the rumors that Kakashi’s mother was a member of the Inuzuka clan, as they’re so overshadowed by the more scandalous and murder-filled rumors that follow the older man around everywhere he goes.

“Good nose! See ya later,” Anko turns to leave again, but to her surprise (and frustration), Kakashi grabs her by the wrist and stops her from doing so.

“Tell me something first.”

Anko swallows. She feels cornered.

He knows, doesn’t he?

“What?”

“Why are you so scared of me?” Kakashi murmurs.

“Scared of you?” Anko scoffs. Kakashi knows what he means, and Anko knows what he means, but she pretends not to. Maybe if she acts dense enough about this, Kakashi will lose the gall that made him approach her so brazenly in the first place and drop it. “Tch, you may be the Copy Ninja, Kakashi, but I’m not scared of you! I could take you down- just because your reputation precedes you doesn’t mean you’re any better than me!”

“That’s not what I meant. You’re a capable kunoichi, I’m sure you could kill me if you really put your mind to it.”

“Then why the hell would you ask something like that?” Anko retorts and snatches her wrist from Kakashi’s hand. She doesn’t really think she’s stronger than Kakashi; he has years of experience on her, he’s traveled a lot more, he knows more jutsu, and he has the Sharingan. She’d give him a run for his money, but she’s not sure she’d beat him in a fight. “If I’m as strong as you or even stronger than you, I have no reason to be scared, as you put it.”

“It’s not about strength or battle. It seems as if you fear me for more… Sentimental reasons,” Kakashi looks away with that one charcoal eye that seems to be boring into her soul. A light pink dusts the inch or two of his cheeks that are visible past his mask. “You don’t look at me when we see each other in public. You actively avoid me, actively refuse to do missions if there’s a risk of being assigned to a team that has me on it, but you watch me, too… And you keep your distance. You stand on the opposite side of the bar and watch me when I’m with my friends, you watch from the trees by the village gate when I’m supposed to return from missions, you watch Iruka and I ever so intensely when I’m at the mission desk. You even healed me the other day; you saved my life, and yet you’ve been ignoring me since then.”

“And? So what if I do all that shit, you got a problem with that?”

“Well, no, but… If anything, it seems like you’re the one with the problem,” Kakashi says with what sounds like a nervous chuckle. “So, circling back to what I said initially. What’s your problem with me, Anko? Why are you scared?”

Anko makes a break for the exit to the stairwell, but she’s unsuccessful. Kakashi beats her to it and blocks her path with that tall, toned body that Anko wishes she could put her hands all over.

“Let me go, you have no right to keep me here!”

“Tell me the truth and I’ll let you leave. This involves me, and it bothers me; I have the right to know what’s going on.”

“Why do you care? Why does it bother you so much? You don’t care about anything!”

Finally, Kakashi gets frustrated enough to raise his voice.

“I care about you, Anko! Is that so hard for you to believe?”

“What? We hardly even know each other! We don’t talk, Kakashi, don’t make us out to be more than we are! We’re nothing more than coworkers- we’re not friends, we’re not lovers, we’re barely even comrades, so just stop it before I throw you off this fucking rooftop!”

“Fine, I’ll drop it,” Kakashi steps out of the way of the door and crosses his arms over his chest. He looks sad, dejected. Anko thinks of bolting for the door so she can go lock herself in her apartment, but she can’t bring herself to do it. “I guess if you don’t want to explain why you’ve been treating me the way you have, you don’t have to. I can’t make you.”

“It’s stupid,” Anko whispers while twiddling her thumbs. She wonders what her coworkers would think if they saw her like this, what her students would think, what Orochimaru would think. They would laugh, and they would humiliate her for showing such vulnerability as a kunoichi, but… With Kakashi, she can’t help how she feels. That much is obvious. She’s tried pushing the feelings away and labeling them as so many things that they aren’t to avoid them, and they still won’t go away. “You’ll think it’s stupid and you’ll laugh me off the face of the earth.”

“I won’t.”

“How can you promise that without knowing what I’m going to say? What if I give you this leverage and I can’t take it back?”

“That’s your choice to make.”

“I… I want you,” Anko confesses, and in that moment, it hits her all at once. Kakashi Hatake is stupid, far too busy for his own good, and ugly in all the same ways that most shinobi tend to be. But she loves him anyway. “I’ve wanted you for a long time, you fucking bastard!”

“...So that’s what this has all been about.”

“I can’t believe you’ve gone and done this shit to me,” Anko huffs and roughly places her palms against Kakashi’s chest. “Gone and made me feel this way!”

“Why are you mad? It’s fine- you can’t help how you feel.”

“Why am I mad? You seriously have the audacity to ask that? You really are stupid, Kakashi! I’ve never felt this way for anyone. I can’t bring myself to trust anyone, let alone love them. Dozens of people in this village have been trying for years to get me to go on a date with them, and you somehow managed to waltz in and steal my heart without so much as trying! You’re stupid, you’re inconsiderate, you’re reckless, you’re ugly, you’re gone from the village most of the time, and to top it all off, you’ve barely acknowledged my existence up until now! And you expect me to be happy about falling in love with you!?”

“Gee, what a confession,” Kakashi laughs, something light and pleasant to Anko’s ears as he takes her into his arms. The comforting affection is so unfamiliar to her that she goes rigid. “Your sweet, loving words have wooed me into your arms.”

“Would you drop the sarcasm? If you don’t return the feelings, I’ll leave- mmph!”

Suddenly, Kakashi is pulling his mask down. Before Anko can take in his face, however, she feels a pair of soft lips against her own. She allows her eyes to flutter shut as her hands grasp at the soft material of Kakashi’s undershirt.

“There,” Kakashi breathes against Anko’s cheek. Then, he pulls back and fixes his mask over his face so she can’t see it. Anko huffs in a mixture of frustration, relief, and excitement. Is this a dream? It must be. Kakashi has even lifted his village headband to look at her with his Sharingan… It confuses her at first, at least until she realizes that this probably means a lot to him if he returns the feelings; that he’s probably just using the scarlet red eye to cement this special moment between them in his memory. “Sarcasm dropped. I return your feelings, so there’s no need to leave.”

“Wh… What?” Anko asks. It’s too good to be true. Kakashi is implying that he wants her back, isn’t he? There’s no way it’s real. He’s fucked up, she’s fucked up, and it just isn’t meant to work. Why would he want her over all of the less damaged people that have been tripping over themselves to impress him for so many years? This has to be a joke. “It’s not funny to mess around like that, I know you don’t want me! Why would you? I’m damaged, and I’m fucked up, and everyone thinks I’m crazy- and they’re right! I am crazy! So, if you’re fucking with me right now-”

“I’m a hundred percent serious,” Kakashi interrupts with a furrowed brow. “I know I can be mean sometimes, but do you really think I’d joke about that with someone I love?”

“You love me…?”

“Yes, do I need to write it on my forehead or will you accept my feelings without another argument?”

“Fine, fine, let’s say you love me, Kakashi Hatake!” Anko exclaims, elated. She has so many questions. How? Why? How long? Why hasn’t he said anything before tonight? How did he figure out that she felt something towards him so easily? But all she can ask is- “What now?”

“I was planning on having a relaxing evening to myself in my room, so if you want, you’re more than free to join me,” Kakashi offers. “Hot bath, lit candles, maybe a tub of vanilla ice cream if you’re feeling frisky… And we could sleep together. Literally, of course. Then, I suppose we can see where it goes from there.”

“...Yeah, okay, sure. I’m game,” Anko agrees with a nod and a smile. “Let’s do it!”

With that, the two go down the stairwell and to Kakashi’s apartment, hand in hand and stupidly in love.

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