#like most of the time when i see posts that bad i just internalise it and chop up stormtroopers on my steam deck

[azurecanary]

Sometimes a bad BAD post will just catch me with the wrong mood at the wrong time of day, and, like a werewolf on the full moon, i am transformed into the most petty and vindictive motherfucker to stride across these halls

#like most of the time when i see posts that bad i just internalise it and chop up stormtroopers on my steam deck #but it's 2am #I'm moving (again) in 2/3 days #I'm sore as fuck #now I'm scrappy and petty #like the lord god intended for me to be

[royboyfanpage]

Okay, let's talk about Ollie's experience with fatherhood.

I'm an Oliver Queen apologist forever, but I think that there's a tendency in fandom to go one of two ways- "absolutely perfect dad, no flaws whatsoever" or "evil abuser who shouldn't be within six miles of a child". This isn't an Ollie exclusive phenomenon, a lot of characters and topics do fall into that black-and-white mindset. But the thing is- Ollie doesn't have to be either extreme. Particularly with Roy, who most of the debate centres around, Ollie wasn't perfect! I think there's such a rich discussion point in terms of young Roy's relationship with Ollie, so much more than just That Panel. Because, in my interpretation, Ollie absolutely cared about him, absolutely saw him as a son, but also the idea of being a father is something that deeply terrified him. The idea that this literal child being dependent on him made it feel more real, if that makes sense. Coming to terms with the fact that he was responsible for another person's life was difficult for him, and so he put up this wall- hero and sidekick. A conceptual dynamic, one that's not based in reality. He can keep that distance between himself and Roy and decide what that means, he doesn't have to be a father because that word has so many strong connotations, but he can still express that he cares about Roy, in his own way. That's why he always calls Roy 'Speedy' even out of costume, that's why his first thought is that Roy's undercover in Snowbirds. He can focus on being a good mentor to Speedy, which will have a trickle-down effect to being a good guardian to Roy, right?

Unfortunately, kids' brains don't work like that! Especially not a kid who's already lost two fathers. Roy needed a stability in his teenage years that Ollie just wasn't able to give at that time. He didn't see "Ollie's nice to me as Speedy because he loves me and doesn't know how to show it", he saw "Ollie's nice to me as Speedy, which means I'm only good as Speedy". This, at least in my opinion, is a major factor in Roy’s later self-esteem issues. Roy’s constantly underestimating himself as a hero, constantly comparing himself to Dick, and pushing himself 24/7 to improve because he internalised the idea that if he’s good, if he’s the perfect hero, then he’ll be loveable. He can’t be bad, he can’t fail, he can’t back down because if he does, he’s nothing.

It’s absolutely not Roy’s fault, but also this doesn’t mean that Ollie’s an evil neglecting abuser, either. Even the best parents fuck up, and Ollie was by no means the best parent. He took in Roy as a sidekick, as a buddy, and then never really found a way to combine the ideas of sidekick and son. He assumed that Roy would be able to interpret meanings behind gestures, which is something that Roy seems to struggle with even into adulthood. I’ve talked about it a fair bit, Roy’s absolutely someone who relies on the explicit, but he’s also not someone who’ll ask for clarification, which has caused conflict in his relationships time and time again. And while it's something he has gotten better at as he's gotten older, a 12-18 year old Roy would absolutely not be able to read Ollie's motives.

And Ollie's fear of fatherhood isn't something exclusive to Roy, either. Sure, he'd gotten better at it by the time Connor and Mia entered the picture (speaking as an oldest child myself, we are the guinea pigs of parenting, I was my mum's sibling), he absolutely still expresses this with them. I mean, just look at his face when he finds out Connor's his son.

That's the face of a man who's just had the crushing weight of parenthood slammed down onto him again, the moment Connor stopped being an ally and started being his responsibility. He's scared, because Ollie absolutely does not see himself as a good father for someone to have. This was very much present during Roy's teenage years, but particularly since this is post-Snowbirds. Both in terms of Roy developing a drug addiction and in terms of Ollie's own initial reaction to it, he immediately spirals. And, since we've already established he does not know how to process things, he lashes out at Connor.

And as for Mia, he's definitely matured significantly by the time she comes into the picture, and compared to with Roy he's a lot more open with his feelings. However!

He still won't explicitly accept the responsibility of fatherhood! Despite acting like a father to Mia in every way through his actions, he still won't use his words! Even though in the issue following, he expresses a paternal protectiveness over her.

And I think Mia's HIV diagnosis is maybe one of the biggest examples of his distancing himself and hiding his feelings, particularly when Connor asks him how he's feeling about it.

He's so fine, so totally fine, trust him when he says he's fine, totally not freaking out. He's absolutely not terrified for his not-daughter, no way.

Ollie has this fear that if he gets too attached to his kids, he's gonna end up failing them. If he keeps a distance from them, then he can't blame himself when they get hurt. Is this good parenting? No! Absolutely not! But this is also the man who dresses up as Robin Hood and who chose to die rather than lose his arm. This is not a healthy man.

But he tries, he tries so hard, even if it's in his own way. And he recognises when he fucks up! And he tries his best to mend it later on!

He's not the best at showing his kids that he loves them, but he's so proud of Roy when he becomes Red Arrow. He comes back to life to save Connor. He stands by Mia's side when she gets diagnosed and becomes Speedy. He's not a great dad, but goddamnit he's trying to be.

In conclusion, no, Ollie is not the perfect father. He's deeply flawed, and his own emotional incompetency has been and always will be a point of conflict between him and his kids. But he's not some uncaring abuser, either. He's trying.

#oliver queen #green arrow #connor hawke #roy harper #red arrow #arsenal #speedy #mia dearden #arrowfam #dc comics

[rubra-wav]

Vox HCs entry #2

Warnings/CW: discussion of toxic masculinity, SFW

A/N: just various thoughts I've had about this man.

- He is a musical theatre/drama fan

He gives me this energy so much due to how dramatic he is in general. His first instinct when Alastor comes back is to instantly make a callout on live TV in the form of song. 💀

I feel like he listens to musicals in 'secret' - but it's not actually nearly as much as a secret as he thinks it is. I feel like in general he gets very loud when he's passionate or excited about something.

I just have a mental image of him thinking nobody in Vee tower can hear him while he absolutely yells the lyrics of a song with headphones on at full volume while dancing out the choreography to the song.

He'd deny everything about it if you brought this up however. He grew up in the 50's and due to that I feel as if he would be very insecure about it. I'll elaborate more on that in the next point.

- Still has a fair few beliefs to deconstruct

He is from around the 50's time period, and due to that I feel like he would have a lot of internalised toxic masculinity.

He is on and off with Val who's obviously GNC, so I think he doesn't gaf too much about others and what they wear and do anymore

But I think he has a lot of shit he directs towards himself still.

Elaborating on the liking theatre thing and denying it: I think he would stubbornly deny it because he thinks it's 'too feminine' for himself to be interested in and that he thinks it makes him 'less of a man' and shit kinda like that.

I also think because of this he also has horrendous perspectives on showing emotion.

It is already canon that he hides behind a mask at all times, but I feel like even if he 100% trusts someone to be genuine around them he still wouldn't let himself do so due to thinking he's 'less man' if he does things like cry or directly seek any kind of support - especially emotional - outside of his usual compliment fishing behaviours.

I don't think his perspectives usually pertain to others as he's had a lot of exposure to different more up-to-date / nonconforming people with Val and Vel - but I do definitely feel like he has hella internalised bullshit.

Dating him in this aspect would be hard because you would need to be there reassuring him that it's okay to do things which society deems as 'feminine' - especially with what 1950's society deemed as being normal and abnormal for men.

He needs reassurance so bad about it.

I can see him as trying to keep up his mask of not needing any kind of help from you even when it's obvious he's cracking under whatever (pressure, overwhelm, stress, etc. Etc.)

- This man can't dress himself well for shit

(Mostly based upon past Voxtagram posts)

This man's closet outside of his usual outfits is largely button-up/polo shirts and cargo shorts with the most horrifically ugly patterns you've ever seen in your life.

The only reason his outfits look good ever is because of Vel forcing him to not dress like shit.

I can imagine him walking out of his room in a blue and red polo and black cargo shorts with a snapback on and Velvette and Valentino just looking at him in utter horror. 💀

I also like the idea of him having equally chaotic socks. Like you have the usual put together outfit he has on, but then he takes off his shoes, and they are eye shatteringly ugly with words printed on them.

It's ironic because if you date him he will be probably pissy about you dressing well going out together.

He's a hypocrite 🙏

- He doesn't like sweets

I can see him as not liking things that are sweet at all.

He absolutely takes his coffee black as well, it's the most bitterest gag-worthy flavour ever and you are terrified at how much he seems to like the taste.

The sweetest thing he does like in the way of drinks is diet coke.

I feel like he survives on energy drinks, but I don't think he enjoys them at all and just tolerates them.

He doesn't like desserts either. Maybe tiramisu but not frequently.

I can see him actually liking dark chocolate though. I feel like he likes bitter things.

He's totally an absolute cunt about it as well.

If he sees you having coffee with milk/creamer and sugar he's the type of person to go "ugh. I don't know how you can drink that." While fake gagging at you.

He's that mf

A/N I have multiple ideas for drabble/fics, but my brain decided to write this out for now.

If you like sweets a lot he would be annoying as fuck about it 100%

I'm a bit hesitant to post like full fics or drabbles as I don't want to in the moment be like 'yeah, this is great!' Then look at it the next morning and be tweaking out because it feels OOC or I could have worded things better. Perfectionism is a fucking nightmare 🗣/lh

#vox #hazbin hotel #vox headcanons #vox x reader

[probablyasocialecologist]

‘Refusing to actively assist in a genocide’ is the absolute lowest of low bars, an existentially minimal expectation of a post-war European polity. But that’s where we are. The ranks are closed and serried. It is a hypnotically grotesque spectacle. Meanwhile, in Gaza, the killing intensifies. Genocide has still been on the table all this time, it seems. Every piety about it being the ultimate evil was just so much noise, to be discarded when it became awkward. It now appears that thinking genocide is bad is for the little people. Or perhaps it is a ‘luxury belief’. The most powerful states in the world have enshrined remembrance of the Holocaust in their public places, their calendars, their museums, their education systems. We were given to understand that this was because genocide was the final, absolute line: never, ever again, for anyone. But insofar as Britain and other nations have ignored or assisted Israel’s campaign in Gaza, it turns out that these same states have in fact kept systematic human extermination and ethnic cleansing on the list of possible political options, as rights which they might need to exercise one day. At my most grimly cynical, I fear that this is because the Northern states have concluded that the coming age will take the form prophesied by the Bannonites and neo-reactionaries—a time of sovereign power amidst climate breakdown—and this means they want leeway to operate as they will, at home and abroad, without being bound by any laws or responsibilities, moral or otherwise. Gaza is the end of all pretence to a belief in any law but that of raw force, and as such, it is the proving ground for all tomorrow’s hells.

[...]

The British state is an active and official participant in an ongoing genocide, its politicians and press are running cover, its intelligence services and military are actively involved. The fact that this is still barely in the papers, and that the people who have taken to the streets asking for it to stop have been denounced as hate-filled racists and fanatics, should tell you all you need to know about how much anyone in power or in the press ever really understood or cared about ‘never again’. Perhaps I am naïve, but the purpose of Holocaust education, as I always understood it, was not to teach us that we should obediently wait and see what position pundits and politicians would take on urgent events, and then follow their lead. Nor was it so we could take the long view, see both sides, mutter about complexities, patiently wait for years to pass and for evidence to be gathered. No, the purpose of the quite extensive Holocaust education that most people in this country received was surely so we would know a genocide when we saw it. We were supposed to learn what it looked like so it could be stopped, and so that our perpetual duty to those who died in the camps – a duty consisting of an eternal never again, the magnetic north of personal and political morality – would be rightly discharged, should our time ever come to discharge it. It was so we would not be the ones who turned a blind eye to the removal of our friends and colleagues; so that we would know to speak, to act, to refuse to let it happen without a fight; so that we would never betray a hiding child, never denounce a neighbour, never find ourselves just following orders. Whatever else could it possibly have been for, if it was not to know these things, yourself, in your heart? What can the story of Anne Frank mean to us, as individuals, if it does not mean that we must each of us internalise the lesson that we should never give up a child to genocidaires? And did we not learn, too, that the state would bombard us with propaganda, that the truth would be hidden, and that without effort we would become inured and complacent so that it would not be so simple to see what was before us, and so that many would simply accept what was happening without demur? Were we not warned? We were. A clearly distressed Palestinian man whose mother and family had been killed in the bombardment of northern Gaza was recently manhandled out of a Labour party event in Stockport for the transgression of asking people to look at photographs of his dead mother. In a widely circulated film, Labour deputy leader Angela Rayner stands frozen and silent as he is violently ejected. What has happened to those heart lessons she was supposed to learn? Is this not the very moment for which those lessons were prepared, the moment that we were warned about? If not now, when?

#israel #palestine #gaza #genocide #zionism #uk politics

[thesherrinfordfacility]

it's all well and good to have discourse regarding generalised theories and meta and such like, it's cool to discuss and (politely) debate stuff; maybe you can change other fans' minds by sharing your perspective/analysis, or maybe they can change yours.

what's not cool though? screenshotting actual posts (that can easily be found on a straightforward google boolean search, or hell - usually just by typing the contents into tumblr itself) of takes you don't agree with and subjecting them to focused ridicule. those are someone's thoughts and feelings. that is someone's time, their effort, and their dedication.

what's not cool is vagueing about people's posts in such a way that it is obvious that your post is about them, about that particular post, and not just the theory/theme in general. this fandom is huge but it's also incredibly small sometimes - we're all so often of the same mind that art and fic and meta pass through us like shockwaves. what im saying is that the person that that post is about? they'll probably see it. don't be bullies. a good portion of us have had enough of bullies to last us a lifetime, and it's not needed here.

reblog a post and disagree courteously, patiently, and with compassion, or make a separate post "ive seen discussion on this theme/thought, and whilst it was interesting, i personally don't agree and here's why...". send a polite ask to the op perhaps asking them to clarify some things, because you don't agree but at least want to understand and discuss, if they'd be amenable.

if the bad takes are becoming too much, or are upsetting you, or the person is doubling down despite polite debate and it's pissing you off? that's absolutely valid and you're allowed to feel like that - and if you don't want, or can't, address it politely, and it's too much... block them. block them so you don't have to keep seeing it. rant about it in the DMs to someone you trust if you really need to, but don't publicly make people - on what is (to my mind) the mostly inclusive and open-minded platform - feel like shit because they see media different than you.

don't make people feel like they're absolute scum just because you disagree. don't make them feel stupid, or close-minded. dont stick labels on them that they will likely internalise and make them feel like the worst human being to walk the earth. it's humiliating, it's alienating, and it's going make some people fear having any interest in something they used to enjoy, and that once brought them joy when they needed it most. you personally may not be bothered, but others might - have some respect for them.

god knows im not perfect and ive done it myself, im not pretending otherwise bc sometimes i catch myself being unkind, or feeding into this culture of "different thought = wrong thought", but by god im trying to do better. don't be like me, please please please just be fucking kind

[kookidough]

analysing vance hopper because he lives in my head 24/7 !

tw for like. literally everything the black phone covers!!!!!!

also there's some special effects gore rather far down in the post idk just i feel like i should warn you just in case

okay so before anyones like "but bee!!!! he only had 6 minutes of screen time in a 102 minute long movie!!!!! he was only on screen for 5.8% of the movie!!!!!" and to that i say i Know it was a real tragedy so a lot of this will be built on personal interpretation and subtext and stuff said behind the scenes and whatnot

so firstly i wanna rot about what his childhood/upbringing might've been like..... i havent quite decided on something definitive but i think we can take one look at his character and realise that is glaringly obvious he had a bad childhood, in one interview the actor that plays him (brady hepner) says "the background i had set up for vance is that the reason he was the way he was is his home life was fairly difficult, you know maybe his dad was either not there for him or he wasn't supportive, maybe he was fairly abusive, and so that creates a hair trigger sense of rage in vance" hair trigger meaning his patience is literally as thin as a strand of hair it does Not take a lot for him to snap

there more to it after that which i'll get into soon but yea thats the gist of it it's clear he had absent/neglectful/abusive parents and that would certainly contribute to why he's so angry all the time, maybe acting so explosive was the only way to get his parents' attention, either good or bad, so he just internalised that. obviously rage and anger issues like vance's lead to violence (not in all cases but in his case it does) and i think a neglectful and abusive upbringing would obviously expose him to more violence than a normal childhood would, therefore normalising it and desensitising him to it, whether he's seeing it play out in his own home and/or on television or something like that (because i doubt his parents would be the kind to monitor what content he's viewing)

i feel like he has little control over his life and that only adds to his anger, which in his case leads to a fight when his buttons are pushed too many times. i think he probably takes great pride in being the toughest in town and whatnot and winning fights and being perceived as strong and scary is good to him and helps him regain control/power, something he doesnt have at home. the rest of the quote from the interview i mentioned earlier states "this pinball machine could have been the only thing that he has in his heart that's like, good, like 'holy cow i did this, i set the score,' so when someone comes along and messes it up for him, it takes away the only thing that he has. i think that that's when he switches to a 'now you're gonna pay for that'"

similar to what i said about fighting, the pinball machine and his high score is something he has control over and its an important part of his reputation/image like. hes literally pinball vance ! and the whole thing about that high score being the "only thing he has in his heart that's good" implies that hes. well. pretty shit at everything else, which is pretty much canon if you remember that gwen said vance was held back twice in school. makes me think that while he's not the brightest in school he's certainly street smart

moving onto ermmmmm him getting kidnapped era because im sure youre wondering "well bee if he's so street smart then why did he get kidnapped" so may i raise two theories (this is. literally all i got and its not even concrete, me and my friend gray (@staggersz) tried to figure out how this could even happen and this is the most plausible thing we've got. so shoutout to him real quick he has had to deal with me being unnormal about vance for like a year and a half thanks king couldnt have done all this without my rotting buddy)

so either he got taken by surprise (most likely option) or vance's trust was gained first via getting given quarters at the pinball machine and small talk and shit like that but this is unlikely because i feel like it'd take a loooooong time for someone like vance to trust a some random stranger adult man when he clearly has issues with trusting and respecting people older than him and people with authority (e.g. cops, his parents, or school officials) so yea being taken by surprise would probably be the most realistic option, i always see people on tiktok being like "how did the grabber kidnap vance hes so strong!!!!" dude its a 15 year old boy against like. a 45 year old man who's already claimed two lives its really not gonna be a fair fight here

before i get into the next part i wanna quickly address a theory i absolutely Hate and it is so easily disproven and that is the theory that vance is the grabber's son or is related to him in some other way and i see it Far too often on tiktok and i HATE it. from what ive seen this all stems from his dream sequence where he kicks open the fence to albert's house and, presumably, goes inside after being dropped off by the police after the grab n go fight. idk if some people just straight up didnt realise this but clearly in real life he is going to his Own House??? in the dream it's only albert's house because this is how he chooses to show gwen the house she's trying to find her brother in, the house that he himself was killed in??? i hate the theory i hate it sm

the dream sequence itself is interesting though as the ghosts seem to only be able to conjure up what theyve seen in real life (like how bruce can picture the outside of the house and show that to gwen but the house number is all flipped and not right beause he doesnt know it) so vance being able to picture the house and the number and the gate and every detail would imply that hes seen it before, but im going to explain that away as either he got out once before like with finney's failed escape attempt, or the house is most likely on the route he walks to school or the grab n go or something and he hasnt actually been there prior to being kidnapped

mini rant over now onto being kidnapped i guess, so i used the missing posters to try and estimate a timeline of how long each ghost boy would've been in the basement for (although the missing posters are notoriously unreliable for details such as looks/height/age/etc, the dates seem to all line up). so we know the order is griffin, billy, vance, bruce, robin, finney, right?? if we use the poster date then billy was taken on may 4th, 1976, a month and two days after griffin was taken (april 2nd 1976). vance was taken on september 23rd 1977, almost a full year later (stay with me im going somewhere with this), and after that bruce was taken on july 18th 1978, again almost a full year later

its established in the movie that the grabber stalks his victims before he takes them (canon because we literally see the van watching finney and gwen as they walk home from school early on in the movie) but we dont know how long he does this for since griffin/billy and robin/finney were taken such short distances apart and then the others were taken such long distances apart, also it's possible he could stalk his next victim while the previous one is still alive, etc etc lots of confusing factors, but if i've done the maths right then the absolute maximum time vance could've spent down there is 9 months and 25 days, or 298 days, so erm . let that sink in !

howeverrrr in the movie gwen states that vance went missing "last spring" and september is definitely not in spring, meaning he could've been down there for a year or even longer. an explanation or excuse i could think of for the movie and the missing poster saying different things (other than the missing posters being known for some areas being wildly inaccurate) is that maybe he was taken in spring but wasnt labelled as officially missing until september, when he was properly linked to griffin and billy's similar disappearances and the mysterious grabber? i can imagine it'd be very easy for law enforcement, especially in the 70s, to dismiss someone like vance as a runaway until they get solid evidence that he was taken. idk though thats just my personal excuse / angsty headcanon for the difference in information

not sure what exactly killed him but we do hear from vance himself that "he took his time with me" so it was probably blood loss from a variety of injuries, if we look at him in his ghost scenes we can see his hair is absolutely covered in blood which indicates head injury, he clearly has a broken nose and bruising around his eyes as a result of it, he has these deep cuts on his abdomen area (apologies for the image quality but i believe they're like. sfx pieces you would wear under clothing)

and he also has just like. minor bruising (like the fingerprints on his arm) and other random blood splatters on his face and neck (assuming the blood down his neck comes from wherever he was bleeding on his head) so Yeah overall very unpleasant way to die obviously

okay now the part thats actually in the movie and it only took me 13 paragraphs to get here: vance as a ghost!! first thing i wanna point out is appearance wise i just want to say that when he's a ghost he's missing his choker and that fact Pains me. anyway personality-wise i feel like being violently murdered has, understandably, kicked his rage up to like. the highest level it could possibly go. he's insanely snarky and downright rude to finney on the phone, showing no empathy to the fact that finney is literally in the exact situation he was in

i feel like the whole "this is the nightmare end of your pathetic little life" and "if you knew what you had coming, you'd be fucking terrified" thing is definitely to scare finney on purpose and to get him to do something, vance might as well have just told him he's never going home cuz thats how it came across LMAOO, it is startling though because vance is clearly speaking from experience, that he was literally fucking terrified, and he is warning finney in his own weird way

the thing i think sets vance apart from the other ghosts is that while he does help finney, he does it for a different reason than they do. the other ghosts want finney to escape, to get out, to be free, to live, but personally i dont think vance cares about that. the only thing he wants is for albert shaw to be dead, for someone to seek vengeance, to do what vance couldn't. vance doesn't care if it's bruce or robin or finney or whatever boy could've come after that, he doesnt care as long as that man gets what he deserves after what he put vance through, and i see this through the scene at the end of vance's call where finney thanks him for his help and vance says, and i quote, "helping you? this isn't about you, fuck him! and apologies for being repetitive but to me it just literally proves that to vance, this isnt about finney or his escape, its just about revenge

we dont get to find out what happens to the ghosts once the credits have rolled, and i dont think we quite know enough about tbp's version of ghosts to guess what theyre up to, but i have a few theories :3 maybe theyre no longer bound to those two houses and they can now go anywhere they want in town? or maybe since their shared goal of stopping albert has been achieved, the ghosts can finally pass on to whatever is waiting for them next. i dont think vance would be content to pass on that quickly or easily as anger lingers, but i hope he'd be able to let go of it eventually, and hey we might find out in the sequel. i pray it mentions him cuz i will just die if it doesnt

sometimes, ok thats a lie, frequently i think about an au where he survived or escaped or whatever but ohhhh boy this post is already a train wreck so that au would deserve its own essay of a post :3 if u actually genuinely read this far then Wtf thanks for reading the ramblings of an absolute madman, only pure delusion could get like 20 paragraphs about a guy with 6 minutes screentime but hey thats how i roll, thanks again to my pal gray for letting me rot and thank u to my other pal ana for also enduring all this rot

hope u enjoyed my interpretation of vance hopper im going to crawl in a hole now and probably brainrot some more, thanks again for ur time :3

#the black phone #tbp #tbp vance #vance hopper #character analysis #i literally rotted my entire brain for this one #normally i hate when ppl tag characters in a post that isnt really about them im gonna tag the other characters cuz i do mention them quite #a few times so apologies to ppl that are fans of anyone that isnt vance this post is Vance Centric #tbp robin #robin arellano #tbp finney #finney blake #tbp griffin #griffin stagg #tbp billy #billy showalter #tbp bruce #bruce yamada #tbp gwen #gwen blake #the grabber #albert shaw #the black phone 2022 #i am the number 1 vance hopper fan and this proves it #if vance has 100 fans im one of them. if vance has 10 fans im one of them. if vance has 1 fan its me. if vance has no fans im dead. #sorry to everyone that followed me for total drama content i have an absolute disease for this movie and this guy #back to regularly scheduled content soon trust #not expecting this to do numbers cuz theres actually only like 4 tbp fans on earth but had to let two years worth #of absolute brainrot for this movie that has like. barely any merch and only the slightest scraps of fan content #i stayed up all night writing this

[bogkeep]

HAIZ EXPLAINS AMATONORMATIVITY: REDUX

it's 2014. a teenager rummages through the newspaper at breakfast. they're looking for comic strips, but instead see the headline of the sports pages, proclaiming some famous sports guy is "NOT INTERESTED IN RELATIONSHIPS RIGHT NOW."

"really?" thinks the young haiz, "that's meant to be news? the sports news??"

it's not like they'd ever read the sports pages before, but the scandal in that headline would not leave their brain zeitgeist of the day. it was a metaphorical pebble thrown at them — not the first, but the one that made them go "HEY. STOP THAT???" so they took to the keyboard to yell into the void to hey, stop that.

then the void responded.

what i wrote that day was probably one of the first posts about amatonormativity to make rounds on tumblr. i did not expect it to get thousands of notes, and it's no longer on my blog. even though the majority of the response to it was positive, i wouldn't want to bring it back, because

- it was written in a very 2014 way

- with very 2014 thoughts

- some people were really cruel to me for writing it

- i still can't read it without wincing

but:

i can write a new one.

this is not an argument about who is or isn't oppressed. that is not an argument i'm interested in entertaining, and it's not what this post is about. human life on earth is incredibly diverse and complex and i'm just here to-

OH MY GOD WHAT IS AMATONORMATIVITY ALREADY

okay so amatonormativity is like. the idea that A Lasting, Monogamous & Exclusive Romantic Relationship is the most important type of relationship in the entire world and the thing we should all strive for in our lives. (insert obligatory "the term was coined by professor elizabeth brake in the book minimizing marriage" here.)

it's not exclusively an "omg it's so hard to be aro :(" thing, because it's like, an all-encompassing Narrative foisted upon us that shapes the way we view and talk about relationships, and it does everyone a disservice (as is the case with all Normativities! we want to break 'em ALL down!! for everyone!!!!!!). nor is it intended to make people feel bad for wanting long-lasting monogamous romantic relationships! that's your personal business and i wish you well!

(it IS kind of hard to be aro in a world that constantly argues that you're lacking The Most Important Experience That Makes You Human And Life Worth Living though. not gonna lie.)

- an easy example is how the word Love is, in a Lot of instances, for a Lot of people, basically synonymous with Red Hearts Kissy Kissy Smooch Smooch. like we ALL KNOW love is more than that, we love friends and family and strangers who were nice to us that one time and our pets and our favourite foods and our favourite shows. you kind of have to clarify when you mean Love in any other way than Romantic Love. which is wild, considering how Love is such a vast emotion that covers a lot of ground, and it keeps zeroing in on this specific kind.

- related to that, i have a whole internalised powerpoint presentation about how, if you put all of your relationships with other people in a pie chart, the Romantic Partner slice is likely to be very small compared to the Family slice and Friend slice and Acquaintance slice and all these other connections you have - yet it has, comparatively, a LOT of publicity and framework that some of the other categories find themself lacking. yes, a romantic partner/s is/are someone you're likely to share a lot of time and life with, so it makes some sense for sure - but not everyone has romantic partners, or the same priorities as far as commitment goes.

- the stigmatisation of being single/unpartnered. i get the impression that a lot of people have stayed in unsatisfactory relationships because it sounds better than the Dreadful, Terrible Alternative of Not Being In A Relationship. i think there has been a lot of pushback against this particular mindset in recent years, always flaring up around valentine's day for some reason - but it still feels like it's expected to be a Temporary State, not something you'd choose or prefer.

- romance as a Humanising Component in storytelling. say you've got some sort of non-human character, such as a Robot or a Beast. what is the easiest way for them to gain Personhood in the eyes of the audience? probably by falling in love, because falling in love is the Most Human Thing There Is. i think this also extends to queer stories in a similar way - a queer romance may win over a non-queer audience in a way other queer narratives may not, an "oh they're just like us" moment, if you will. these aren't bad stories to have, and queer romances are important stories to tell! it's just... tinged with a taste of "very well.... if it's TRUE LOVE... i can find it in me to extend some compassion......."

(and! on the flipside! an easy way to dehumanise an antagonist is to be like "AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN FEEL LOVE THEY JUST HAD NO HEART THEY WERE SO INHUMAN ")

(speaking of stories you know when a series ends and they partner up all the remaining single characters in a hurry or in the epilogue because god forbid they dON'T GET PARTNERS)

- you know how the reason for legalizing same-sex marriage wasn't because marriage is THE ULTIMATE EXPRESSION TRUE LOVE, but because it comes with a lot of legal rights such as tax benefits and hospital visitation rights? and uhhhhh isn't it kind of weird that marriage is the One thing that gives u a lot of those rights and it's 1) still presented as The Ultimate Expression Of True Love And The End Goal Of Life rather than a legal contract, and 2) not available to everyone? I THINK IT'S KIND OF WEIRD.

- polyamorous relationships are also stigmatised & there's a lot of work to do when it comes to marriage & parental rights for polyamorous couples. i'm sure one could write an entire list on this topic from a polyam/relationship anarchy angle.

- the stigma against sex In General is rooted in so many things, and i believe that a huge part of breaking down amatonormativity is to destigmatize casual sex, sexual relationships that aren't romantic, sex work + sex worker rights & everything in this category. thinking about sex as a thing you can/should only do with the love of your life after you're married hasn't served us very well, i think.

- the idea that our entire life is building up to The One Important Relationship is garbage. we have a lot of relationships in our lives, many of them temporary, and all of them matter to us in some way. you are not a half looking for another half to complete you - even the most compatible person on the earth is still going to be a human person who is flawed and ever changing.

- ok so there's a thing that happens when people want to prove a gay couple is Actually Dating and not Just Gal Pals and it's like "WOULD FRIENDS EVER DO THIS???" referring to some kind of intimate moment - and it's like, i get what you're trying to prove, but... some friends Would Do That, Actually. there is no act on earth wholly exclusive to romantic relationships. i subscribe to the idea that everyone gets to decide how they define their relationships, and what boundaries they have for each kind. maybe they WILL kiss their homies on the lips. with tongue.

- queerplatonic relationships: not only did we have to create a term for a Kind of committed relationship that isn't a romantic one, but we have to fight the deluge of "but that's just dating!!!!!" and "that's just having a best friend!!!!" - the thing is, it CAN be those things if you choose to, or it can be A Secret Third Thing. the way i see it, a queerplatonic relationship is just a Framework you can apply to a relationship that's like, There, but doesn't seem to fully fit into existing categories. because the human experience is vast and weird! i think it's unfair and kinda normative to reduce it to "dating, but for aros" - an Oddly Intimate Connection That Is Hard To Categorize can befall anyone, and as i presented in my pie chart theory, we don't have a lot of framework to discuss them.

that's all i've got for today. i hope this was enlightening or affirming for some <3

#amatonormativity #aroace tag #too long for twitter #ive tried editing but i'm too sleepy to finecomb this so im just going to release it into the wilds #happy aro awareness week #long post

[sirensskai]

My Ripp Grunt headcanons

It was about time I put them all in one place because as you can tell I’m obsessed with him and have a lot😭 Some of them might make no sense whatsoever or sound weird or are probably me just projecting but who cares lol. If I forget any or think of more I’ll add them later. Also it’s going to be really long…

Anyway… “So Kai, how much do you like Ripp???”

Me:

Birthday

I have come up with a birthday for Ripp. December 13, 1988. (Yes I know December 13 is the same date as Taylor Swift lol.) He is a Sagittarius (that’s canon but that’s why I picked that birthday). I see sims 2 Strangetown as starting in 2005 and he was age 16-17 back then. He’s a year and several months younger than Tank and 4 years older than Buck.

Height

Kind of short for a guy, about 5.5. Tank and Johnny are significantly taller and he hates it.

Identity

He is bisexual and transmasculine. Maybe non binary too, specifically a non binary man (like a demiboy or something.)

Ripp has always been attracted to all genders. He doesn’t really care about that (can fit pansexual too.) He is open to seeing multiple people at once so is polyamorous too. Which can be one way of explaining the romance aspiration. And yes, he has a crush on both Ophelia and Johnny.

He is transgender and knew something was up from an early age. Like a lot of transmasc people he went down the “tomboy” to trans pipeline. He didn’t fully realise what being trans meant and that that was what he was until he was about 14 though. Ripp chose his name himself, idc. He thought it was cool.

Johnny and Ophelia were very supportive of him being trans. He had them at school when the bullies found something new to pick on. As was his mum Lyla who he is very close to. Buck didn’t fully understand at first because of being really young but is still very supportive. (Also Buck ended up becoming Rebecca and is transfem herself but that’s another character headcanon lol) Lyla helped him start HRT.

General Buzz though… I don’t see General Buzz as entirely transphobic. I think he’s the kind of person to prefer having sons, but is still weird about Ripp being trans. He is kind of against it at first but gets used to it. He would also want Ripp to be a man in the “right” way (based on a Tumblr post I saw.) He messes up pronouns sometimes but at least tries. He still thinks Ripp is a fucking lazy ass disappointment overall though 😭 “yeah you are trans or bi, whatever, but you are still my worst son ever.” I think he would be more concerned if any guy Ripp dated was an alien over the fact they were a guy (oops, he already has a crush on Johnny Smith.) General Buzz’s conflicting views about Ripp with Lyla also contributed to those two’s strained relationship. He sees a lot of Lyla in Ripp, in both appearance and personality and he hates being reminded of her.

Tank was in a similar position of getting used to it over time. Didn’t mean he stopped wanting to beat his ass all the time though. He had some internalised stuff he had to deal with himself though (being his own person with his own wishes and also, gay.)

Ripp took Lyla disappearing very hard, especially since she was the one helping with his transition. He was on his own. Things got complicated because General Buzz was still kind of unsupportive. Ripp snuck out for several days to get top surgery by himself and General Buzz was very angry about that.

Personality

He’s a very sweet person overall. He’s friendly with almost everyone and hates conflict, but if he is confronted he loves taking the piss out of them. He’s very positive most of the time despite his terrible life. Very talkative and can go on and on. Tries to make a joke and lighten the mood with just about everything, including himself, even if he does go too far sometimes (which he instantly feels bad about if he makes someone sad.) Definitely swears a lot which his father hates, but he loves annoying his father.

Relationships

I don’t think he has a bad relationship with his father and Tank forever. They make up at one point and maybe they don’t become really close but they at least get along somewhat again (no horrible PSP ending in my sims game.)

He was very close with Lyla, probably the most out of all three of Lyla’s sons so he was devastated when she left, and even more so when he found out she died. One of the few supportive people in his life and she was gone.

Him and Buck (or Rebecca later) are very close due to them both having a strained relationship with General Buzz. Rebecca looks up to Ripp a lot. Also they end up both being transgender which they make a joke out of later. “I can’t believe we’re both Grunts and trans.)

He’s been friends with Ophelia and Johnny since middle school. He hangs out with them a lot and prefers being with them to being at home. He loves being an idiot with Johnny but is sweet with Ophelia. He fell in love with Ophelia first then Johnny.

He met Lilith after she also ran away from home. The two became close because of that. They love poking fun at each other. He’s afraid Lilith will make fun of him if he tells her he likes her (but Lilith likes him too.)

Self insert time, he’s really sweet around Lana. Ripp talks a lot and Lana barely talks at all due to their extreme shyness but he doesn’t mind. He cares for them a lot. He is the most calm and gentle to them and loves listening to them ramble about their interests. He might want to marry her.

Music Career

Ripp was always interested in music, mostly rock music but he is open to other genres as well. I see him as being very into Nirvana. He started playing guitar at school with Johnny Smith, covering their favourite songs. Lyla got him own guitar, and he also started writing his own songs, uploading them to MySpace or something.

At one point he runs away from home and gets a trailer for himself. Away from his father, he has a lot more freedom to do what he wants with his life. He’s still working at the gas station and going to a lot of music labels and he eventually gets signed to one. He has his first major song released through them.

Ripp is the lead singer and guitarist in a band as well as a soloist, with Johnny Smith, Lilith Pleasant and Mercutio Monty, the last two he meets and befriends at one point. (Idk what to name this band yet lol.) Johnny also plays guitar, Lilith is the bassist and Mercutio plays the drums.

His music style is very diverse. And I’m also going to base them off Lana Del Rey albums and songs because why not. His very early work is very acoustic. The first ep and debut album he releases has influences of grunge, surf rock and psychedelic rock. A lot of guitar sounds. And whatever sounds come out of AKA Lizzy Grant.

He goes through some tough things in life which is why he takes a break between his debut and his second album. The sound of this album is quite different. Still guitar heavy but also very slowed, dark and psychedelic. Probably some of his most depressing songs ever. Definitely has a song calling out General Buzz. His Ultraviolence era. It’s a little bit of a concept album too, there’s some sort of storyline throughout. He wears black eyeliner on stage.

The next album is experimental, a little bit of the style of his first album back with the guitar but also some trap beats in there. If I could describe it in a Lana Del Rey song it would be Freak Like Me Demo. Also the most horny album. Bisexual anthem in there though.

The latest album I’ve imagined for Ripp (idk why I’ve imagined all these albums for a sims 2 premade, please help) he explores pop. Lust for Life era (I’m still drawing that, I have a vision.) It’s a lot more uplifting than his previous work and it changes the world. Also somewhat of a horny album too. He dies the ends of his hair purple.

Ripp moves to Del Sol Valley at one point when he becomes a celebrity and gets a house in the pinnacles.

He is definitely very popular in terms of being attractive. There are people making thirst TikToks of him and writing self insert fanfiction and everything. (Couldn’t be me. /s) Some fans are really obsessed with him. To the point they would leak his unreleased music and post it everywhere which is unfortunate but some of them are so good (I’m writing a fic based on this.)

He also does campaigns and advertisements and things as part of being a celebrity, there’s a billboard or magazine cover somewhere where he’s modelling underwear 🙏 And he also hopes it annoys his dad if he sees it and recognises his face lol

His social medias would be hilarious and he would also own terrible people.

Other random hcs

I think Ripp was an unplanned child. Lyla was happy to have him but General Buzz not so much, he kind of hated Ripp from day 1.

He was a “problem child” at least in General Buzz’s eyes and also the schools he went to where he had behaviour issues and struggled to focus. His dad made him see a psychologist. He’s autistic (or aspergers back in the late 90s-early 2000s, also I don’t think General Buzz is the most up to date) and has ADHD. I don’t think this helped with General Buzz already seeing him as a disappointment. Ripp gets really fixated on music (both certain artists and creating it) or certain tv shows or very unconventional things that are kind of uncomfortable for some people. Like literally just the subject of woohoo interests him and he wants to know everything about it lol. I think he fixates on philosophical stuff too like death and the purpose of life (another thing that can lead to some uncomfortable conversations.) Very unlike the stereotype of autism because he’s really outgoing and social too, but it is a spectrum.

I think he shows a lot of affection through touch.

Really dark hc but… 😭 Although he pretends it doesn’t, I think the terrible relationship he has with General Buzz and Tank, as well as Lyla disappearing and dying did really affect him. Has depression and some self esteem and emotional issues and fears abandonment. He has considered *unaliving* before. Also a weird relationship with food. Although he has max interest in food, and he eats a lot of food (but mostly junk food) he grew up with the pressure to remain thin. The dark period of his life between his first two albums involved that and he may have abused substances too. I’m a terrible person, I’m sorry 😭. The romance sim part of him might have spawned from craving the love he didn’t get at home. He feels undeserving of a real relationship but deep down that’s what he actually wants.

I am sorry to him for giving him all these traumatising hcs but I can’t help myself. He was bullied in his school years 🥲 The psp secret of him being afraid of toilets from “one too many swirlies as a child” is to do with this. Tank was involved too maybe, but I don’t believe it was all down to him and he’s a terrible person. With the trans headcanon, I think he was picked on by both boys and girls. Girls didn’t like him for being “weird” and boys would go out of their way to hurt him for trying to fit in with them.

Due to General Buzz being in the millitary, he travelled to a lot of places and moved around a lot prior to going back to middle school in Strangetown. I think he would become interested in different cultures and pick up some words of different languages. He lived in Tomerang at one point.

Ripp is kind of feminine. He isn’t afraid to like “feminine” things and he loves jewellery and painting his nails.

He has a brow piercing and a septum.

He gets a sleeve tattoo.

Has rarely ever cut his hair in his life, he lets it grow really long and he doesn’t care. He would hate for all of his hair to just be chopped off (and that’s also what his father wants)

Smokes, both cigarettes and weed. Tries to stop smoking the cigarettes later on though. Him, Johnny and Ophelia get stoned together and sometimes Lana if she’s willing.

He’s quite arty (his canonical one true hobby is set to arts and crafts.) Spends a lot of his time drawing anything from animals to horny “anatomy” pictures because why not. He takes art when he attends college.

Ripp is a great father. Idc about that romance aspiration, just because he has that doesn’t mean he’s a deadbeat father 😭 Like I’ve said before, that sounds like Don Lothario but not Ripp. His nice points are too high for that. Also being like his own dad would be the last thing he wants to be. He really cares for any kids he has, and the people pregnant with the kids. He would be a really fun dad, maybe a little permissive. Basically the opposite of General Buzz (and also how I think Lyla was.) He also cares for people in general instead of just wanting woohoo out of them.

Ripp is left handed. Sims 4 actually set him up as left handed for me lol. Left handed guitars are unavailable to him to start with so he’s forced to learn right handed 😰 But later on he gets a left handed guitar and plays amazing.

He has a tooth gap.

Cat person. General Buzz, Tank and Rebecca are all drawn to dogs but Ripp is the only cat lover 😭 He gets a havana or a maine coon (or both.)

I think Ripp fits the pleasure aspiration more than the romance aspiration to be honest. An aspiration that involves some romance but also not being a total sleaze and wanting to relax and have fun sounds more like him. It fits Lyla too (another reason why they were so close is that they had very similar personalities.) Another aspiration that fits is popularity, he’s just a very friendly person who loves making friends.

Songs that remind me of Ripp:

#sims 2 #ts2 #Ripp grunt #I hope you enjoy this entire essays worth of headcanons #I’m literally insane about him #my headcanons #Ripp Grunt autism at it again #SoundCloud

[mioviaz]

Life is strange 2 spoilers !!

I played life is strange 2 in summer last year but last night i watched my friend play and complete it and now ive gotten back on my lis grind so i need to talk ab how i think it’s the best lis game . HEAR ME OUT

I didn’t play lis 2 for the longest time because people used to hate on it and say it was bad, like i had completely no idea what the game was even about because people told me not to play it. and after playing it ,i was a mess let me tell you. and i got thinking why tf was this game advertised as bad???? that was the best experience of my life????

And from what i can make out, internalised racism from those who told me not to play this game. Apart from the love interests, it had one of the most important themes i’ve ever played in a game .

i found the choices where we either had to sing or not to those racists when we were in the car, when we were by the border and those americans tried stopping us thinking we were sneaking into their country, and other choices where slight casual everyday racism was implied i was genuinely getting angry and upset , they made this games racism towards immigrants so realistic and i did have to stop to cry a few times.

I think what makes this the best life is strange game i’ve played is not just the incredible representation, but the amazingly created bond between sean and daniel. You could feel how much they cared and loved each other , and i’ve never seen that type of connection between any other lis protags before. (sorry max and chloe)

The endings in this game are possibly the saddest ones i’ve ever seen, i think all of them are devastating in their own way. When i first played , i got the separated brother endings, which, if you don’t know, is where daniel jumps out the car , because i raised him to have a high morality so he surrendered , while sean is crossing the border and he ends up going back to living with his grandparents while sean lives his life in Mexico.

This ending was so bittersweet since sean got to live the life he wanted in mexico with cassidy/finn and daniel got to go to school, college , get a job and all other experiences he could’ve missed out on but obviously, they were separated.

My friend however got the blood brothers ending because idk what she did to her daniel bro but he was a menace 😭

I also think getting to see what happened with arcadia bay after the storm is crazy , when i saw david in that trailer park i screamed so loud , and im sorry but i saved bae over bay…. but that’s a whole other thread post. Getting to see where max and chloe are now, two characters who were the first wlw protags i EVER saw in a video game was so heartfelt to me and warming that they still get to live out their life wherever they are.

This game was and is just so important to me , because as always of the lgbtq aspect that life is strange has stuck to for years , but also the diversity and a game actually talking about problems that happen daily like racism to immigrants is so so SO important

Was feeling sentimental about this game because i love it with my whole heart.

#video games #life is strange #life is strange 2 #sean diaz #daniel diaz #lis2 #lis2 sean #lis2 fanart #lis2 daniel #fyp2023 #fypシ゚viral #life is strange before the storm #mexican #lgbtq

[myrskytuuli]

Having a very interesting throwback to my teenage years.

Yle areena some weeks ago published a shockumentary (Hästhelvetet i Ypäjä: finnish and swedish subs available, I think) about the trade school I went for three years between 2010-2013. I was 16 when I went in, 19 when I graduated.

It is strangely cathratic to actualy see the discourse some of us tried to start back then 10 years ago finally get a wider audience. It is also weird to see a shockumentary about somethign that you yourself were intimately part of.

The quick recap is that Ypäjä is functionally a boarding school for teenagers who want to work with horses as a career. The documentary claims that out of all secondary schools in Finland, it has the highest rates of bullying, abuse and mental health problems. Apparently, only 20% of ypäjä students feel that the faculty treats all students equally (and this isn't only about being a minority, though it doesn't help, there is a long and convoluted lore about the ypäjä internal hierarchy that I won't drop on you here) while the average in other Finnish secondary schools is 60%. Meanwhile the amount of students who claim to have experienced bullying is 3 times as high as in any other Finnish secondary school.

The weird part of it is that yes. I know all of that being true, I remember. I remember the jokes about how our school was a funnel for the closed ward in the mental hospital next city, and the several stories about different and dramatic suicide attempts (expect that one that might have been murder, if you know you know) and how I once had to testify to the police in a bullying case that got out of hand to the point of one person trying to frame the other for a crime, and of course the few instances of physical fistfights, and the rumours about getting ahead on studies by sleeping with a teacher, and the matter of the fact knowledge that you could get ahead on studies by getting into the right inner circles and well- there was a lot of lore. I'm not even counting the arson, because that was just genuinely funny.

But even when I do remember what a high stress enviroment it was, there is still a deeply ingrained part of me that internalised the most important rule of Ypäjä, which was that only weaklings quit. If you cannot survive the three years, it's because you were weak and worthless. And even watching these former students who did quit half-way through, and find themselves more sane schools to go in, my frist knee-jerk reaction is a sneer. Even when I know and have fully accpeted that my early 20s were really bad because I was untangling the Ypäjä-trauma and that my life would have probbaly been better if I had gone to a different school.

hmmm, I started writing this post thinking I was going to give a short perspective, but now I realise that to even give the very surface level lore of that place would require a novella lenght introduction, and then I was going to talk about my fascination with fantasy boarding school stories as someone who has went to the closest aproximation in real life, and just ramble in general about how weird it is to still feel so fond and have such memories of beauty and whimsy about a place that I would never reccomend to anyone to go.

But. This is getting too long. And the lore drop would truly be too long.

(My favourite part of the documentary is the headmistress confidentally stating that Ypäjä doesn't have a bullying problem, some students just feel like they are being bullied. I would laugh, but I remember that that was the advice I was also given back in the day. To stop being such a pussy who feels so many negative feelings.)

#personal nonsense

[tmnt-reticent]

How does Splinter treat all of his kids individually? Does he play favorites? Does he genuinely love them or is he indifferent?

OKAY SO i thought I made a post on this, but according to tumblr’s search function (which honestly I don’t 100% trust bdkwbdkwhd) I haven’t? BUT I did write it all down ages ago so here is Splinter’s relationships with each of the turtles!

i usually like to go from oldest to youngest when it comes to talking about the reticent turtles but I mostly have stuff between Raph and Splinter planned so

When the turtles were younger, Raph reminded Splinter of him when he was younger, so he became his favourite (this was more of a subconscious thing than anything). So even though Raph wasn’t the oldest, he was chosen to be the leader. This lasted a few years until Raph eventually confronted Splinter about his teaching style of teaching everything to Raph and then having him teach it back to his brothers. He felt bad for his brothers because they had to deal with him teaching them stuff that Splinter could be teaching them far better, and since he’s literally right there, Splinter should be teaching them instead, not him. Splinter was angered by this disrespect and stripped Raph of his leadership role, handing it off to Leo and then leaving the turtles to fend for themselves so he didn’t have a repeat of Raph, causing Raph to feel guilty as fuck over taking their dad away from his brothers, and him and Leo to have feud that’s lasted years because like wtf Leo this is so messed up why are you just going along with this??? Nowadays, whenever Splinter visits them (which is quite rare), Raph hides himself away so he doesn’t get into another fight with Splinter as whenever they fight, Splinter refuses to visit for months on end and he doesn’t really want a repeat of The April Incident™️

Leo is the one who gets to see Splinter the most after he leaves as he leaves the lair to train with him often. He internalises Splinter’s traditionalist ideals and the teachings of the Hamato Clan and teaches them back to his brothers, although they don’t internalise it as much as him as Leo isn’t really skilled in manipulation like Splinter is. He looks up to him and is constantly seeking validation from him, which he doesn’t always receive but when he does he’s always in a great mood because of it, and is the kindest to his brothers following receiving praise from Splinter. Leo is always the harshest to his brothers when Splinter visits the lair because he wants to prove to him just how great of a leader he is (an example of this is mentioned in chapter 3 of reticent, where Leo drags Raph out of bed to do his kata despite him having the flu). Leo feels like a “redo” or “a back up plan” a lot of the time as he knows he wasn’t Splinter’s first choice to be leader, which only excentuates his desperation to prove himself to his sensei. It isn’t really until he meets Usagi that he starts unlearning all of the toxicity that Splinter has passed onto him, although it takes multiple seasons as it’s a slow process (he’ll still be unlearning it following the show’s end, but he will have made a lot of progress by Season 5).

I don’t really have AS much for Mikey yet tbh- his attention seeking tendencies are worsened by Splinter as he never really talks to him or even looks at him when he visits, focusing mostly on Leo and Raph, and Donnie if he bothers him. He doesn’t like Splinter, but he would like to at least be *noticed* by him. He’s probably the least affected by Splinter as although he relies a lot on being around others and stuff he tends to not let them affect who he is as a person if that makes any sense at all dgwihdjwhd- he and Raph are also the ones most on to Splinter’s bullshit so that helps

Donnie loves Splinter, but is confused by him a lot of the time. He often receives parts and materials for his inventions that have a note from Splinter with them, but whenever Splinter visits and Donnie tries to speak to him about his tech or show him what he’s made, he always ends up getting yelled at or his inventions broken as there’s “no point to them”. Splinter sees his tech as useless as it’s not as if they can use it in battle, it’s simply shiny and frivolous and can’t compare to more traditional weapons made out of more useful and hardy materials (fuck you, Splinter 💖). Despite Splinter (and therefore Leo) constantly putting him and his tech down, he still loves him and seeks out validation from him. He doesn’t really understand why.

To answer your other question, he 100% plays favourites. His list from favourite to least favourite before Leo became leader was: Raph, Leo, Mikey, Donnie but now it’s Leo, Mikey, Raph, Donnie. He still doesn’t particularly like Mikey but at least he isn’t as defiant as Raph and Donnie are (he views Donnie as being a combination of both his problems with Raph and his problems with Mikey which is why he’s at the bottom of the list still).

And he doesn’t really love them, no. They’re a means to an end. He felt a fleeting sense of care towards Raph and he certainly would care if Leo died prematurely but the latter is more due to his goals, not because he loves Leo.

Thank you for the question! 💖

#tmnt reticent #tmnt #reticent #tmnt fan iteration #teenage mutant ninja turtles iteration #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt iteration #answered asks

[beenbaanbuun]

Frozen Devotion - Lee Jihoon

Words - 2.6k

Genre - smut

Warning/s - chubby!reader, slight internalised fatphobia, buff!jihoon, personal trainer!jihoon, sub!reader, dom!jihoon, choking, strength kink, manhandling, ice play, oral (f! receiving), spit play, spit swallowing, degradation (slut), praise, gendered reader (good girl is used)

Summer was the worst.

Sure, the sun was nice, and the smell of raindrops against the warm concrete was something that made your head spin in utter delight, but the heat? Most of the time, it was unbearable, especially for someone who was a little… curvier than most. Unfortunately for you, today was one of the hottest days of the year and as usual, you were combatting the uncomfortable stickiness by laying almost completely naked on your bed.

The windows were flung open and the curtains were shut leaving only the tiniest slit for the glowing rays to pass through. The aircon was on full, blasting you with as much cool air as it could muster. Yet even with all of that, sweat was still dripping from places that you weren't even aware could sweat.

Your boyfriend, on the other hand, was a complete machine. As a personal trainer, Jihoon spent quite a lot of his time coated in a thin sheen, but on a day like today, you weren't sure how he didn't die of dehydration, especially in what you always thought had to be the warmest gym in the entirety of Seoul. Whether they permanently had the heating cranked up or whether it was something to do with the building itself, you weren't sure. 

As usual, he returned home at about 6:30, the door slamming as he stepped foot in your shared apartment. His voice rang clear like a bell as he let out a call of ‘I’m home,’ not bothering to wait for a response before rushing into your shared room where he knew you’d be.

“Hey,” You called out, cracking open a single eye so you could try and get a peek at your boyfriend. “Good day?” He hummed in response, finally stepping into the threshold of your bedroom with a glass of iced water in hand. As he flashed you a smile and a wink, you gulped. 

He’d already taken his sweatshirt off, his muscles shimmering as he strutted towards you, a certain air of confidence following him. His hair was wet( probably from a post-workout shower at the gym) and pushed back off of his forehead. He stopped walking before he got to the bed, giving you the perfect view of him.

The glass hit the nightstand with a clink, the ice cubes bumping into each other as the water swayed from side to side, barely staying in the glass. That was the least of your worries though, your brain too distracted by Jihoon who had hooked his thumbs over the top of his bottoms. His abs and biceps flexed as he bent over to pull the waistband over his feet. When he stood straight again, all that was left were his boxers.

“Like what you see?” He teased as he crawled onto the mattress, flopping his body next to yours with about as much grace as a baby giraffe. Even as he lay face down, his front covered, he looked so beautiful. “You should do, I worked hard for this.”

He certainly did. For as long as you knew him, he took care of himself. Daily workouts, eating clean; as much as it didn't appeal to you, he took his lifestyle very seriously. That was something you loved about him though. What was his was his, and he never tried to force you into anything he knew you didn't want.

“Maybe I should come tomorrow…” You couldn't take your eyes off of him, your thoughts slipping from you without you being able to stop them. All you could think about was him as he worked on his body. Thick thighs tensing as he squatted, biceps bulging and abs tensing up as he pushed a weight above his chest. It was all a little too much, a familiar wetness beginning to gather between your legs. 

“I could make you cum tonight if you want.” It was a bad joke, but you couldn't help but let out a snort. There was just something about him that could make you smile so easily.

“Thanks for the offer, but…” You turned onto your side, your eyes locking onto his immediately. You tried to hide your desire from him, but he could see right through you, a sly grin making its way onto his lips. “It's too hot.” 

Your denial didn't make him smile any less. He knew you very well, and he knew from the look in your eyes that despite what you said, you wanted him. They were glassy, clouded over as if your brain had gone all fuzzy. There was hurt on your face as if he was the one denying you of what you wanted. That couldn’t be further from the truth, the tent in Jihoon’s boxers growing bigger by the second.

“You sure, Sugar?” His voice was smooth and quiet, not wanting to break the sexual tension that had grown in the room like a thick fog. He pushed himself up, resting himself on his haunches before moving to grab his glass of water, the ice bumping into each other once more. “I have a way to cool you down.”

He took a sip of the water, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed it down. His eyes fluttered shut, relishing in the feeling of the cold liquid making its way down his gullet. He opened his lips a little more once he felt the touch of an ice cube against them. In one swift movement, he took it into his mouth and pulled his head back from the glass. With his eyes still shut, he couldn't see the look on your face, but he could feel the way the bed sheets moved as you rubbed your thighs against each other.

Jihoon placed the glass back on the nightstand carefully, still not opening his eyes. His hand now had a chill to it, beads of condensation sitting on his skin. A grin came to his face as he rested it on your arm, causing you to let out a gasp. Your skin was practically on fire beneath his hand, a trail of goosebumps forming as he trailed it up to your shoulder slowly. The patterns he drew against you made you shiver, ticking your skin, softly.

After what seemed like an eternity, his hand came to a stop on your neck. Calloused fingers gently wrapped around your windpipe, tightening slowly at the sides. The feeling of your air being cut off was intoxicating to you. It felt like heaven in the strangest, most deranged way possible, and you couldn't help but let the feeling of bliss take you over. This was your snapping point. You needed him.

Jihoon’s eyes snapped open. They soon found yours, a small chuckle leaving him once he spotted the pure desperation on your features. You were practically begging for him to touch you.

He leant down, his muscled chest pressing against your tits, grinding the lace of your bra into your sensitive nipples. Before you could let out a moan, he attached his lips to yours. They were just as icy as his fingertips, forcing you even deeper into whatever headspace you were headed towards. He knew exactly how to melt you, turning you into a motionless body that he could play with until you were begging for him to stop.

He pulled away for a second, using his other hand to pry your jaw open. You looked divine like that, dilated pupils looking up at him through your thick lashes. In your mouth, your tongue fluttered, the wet muscle moving on its own as you waited for him to make his next move. As much as he loved to make you wait, he couldn't hold himself back much longer, pursing his lips and letting a thick wad of cold spit fall right onto your wet muscle.

The high pitched moan you let out made him glow with pride. Only he could make you cry out like that. It was a guilty pleasure of his; a twisted desire to make you lose any grasp on innocence that you still had. He needed you to be dirty for him, to act like his filthy little-

“Slut,” He said, letting go of you with both hands. You whimpered again, the word making your pussy twitch with need. “You know what I want you to do, Sugar. Don’t make me ask.” 

With that, you swallowed. Your eyes remained on his as you did so, resisting the urge to shut them in pleasure. 

“Good girl.” He muttered. His eyes flickered down, roaming all across your body. It wasn't often he came home to you just in your underwear, but it was certainly something he could certainly get used to. Your nipples were like pebbles, the usually soft bud having grown rigid with arousal. You were so pretty like that, all lay out and ready for him.

Travelling further South, he noticed the wet patch that had formed at the front of your panties. The little bow that sat just above your core was something he’d usually find cute, perhaps teasing you about it, but he was far too distracted for that. He leaned in, breathing in the musky scent of your juices, filling up his nostrils with his favourite smell. 

“I need your consent, sugar,” He rearranged his body, shuffling down the bed so he was in what he considered to be ‘prime position.’ His nose was an inch away from you, the air from his breathing tickling you gently. It made you squirm, concentrating on the words he was saying getting harder and harder by the second. You wanted him to do anything at this point. You’d honestly be happy with just his hands, his gentle fingers working at your clit, slowing down and speeding up as he drew you closer and closer to the orgasm that you wanted so desperately. “Sugar…” He warned.

“Yes, Jihoon,” You bucked up, forcing your hips up into his face. You cried out as his nose met with your clit giving you the first bit of stimulation of the night. “Please, I want you so bad. Touch me.” 

His nose didn't leave you when you placed yourself back on the bed, rubbing it back and forth against your sensitive nub as he breathed you in. The scent made him let out a growl as he rolled his eyes to the back of his head. His fingers found their way to your thighs, digging into your flesh. It was sure to leave bruises in the morning, but you didn't care. The pressure against your skin added to the pleasure. 

“Sit on my face.” He groaned out, pulling away from you the tiniest amount. It was a request he always made, but one that you never gave into. It's not like you didn't want to, but it was one of the few things that brought out your insecurities. One of the few things that made you feel like you were too big for him.

“Jihoon…”

“I swear to god, Sugar,” You recognised his tone of voice. It was aggressive and desperate, showing just how much he wanted you. “If you don't do as I ask, I’ll use these muscles that you love so much.” 

The look in his eyes told you that he wasn’t joking around. Despite that, you still had your doubts.

“But I don’t want to hur-”

“That’s it.” You felt weightless as he flipped himself onto his back, using his grip on your legs to flip you over with him. You landed on his chest, a gasp escaping you as he manhandled you into position. Your eyes were wide in shock when you looked at the man who was now underneath you. The way he lifted you as if you were nothing more than a ragdoll made your head spin with lust.

He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you as he felt your body, relishing in the fact that he was finally getting what he wanted. 

He never was on to give up on his dreams.

“Stop hovering,” Jihoon spat out, using his hands to push your full weight down onto his chest. Your cunt rested just a few inches away from his face, causing him to let out a moan that rumbled through his chest, sending vibrations through you. “That's it, sugar. I can take it.”

At that moment, he reached over to his glass, dipping his finger into the chilled liquid. They hooked themselves around an ice cube, lifting it out of the water and placing it directly against your core. You winced, the feeling unfamiliar. 

Unfamiliar but not bad. 

You squirmed, trying to get more of whatever it was you were feeling. It hurt a little, but not in a bad way. The stinging sensation was beautiful, making your eyes flutter shut and your head tilt back. You couldn’t dilute the pure pleasure you were feeling but there was no way you could cum from that alone.

“More,” It sounded more like a sob than a moan, “Please, Hoonie. Give me more.” 

He took the ice away and placed it on his tongue before his hands gripped you tight and tugged your body. You stumbled forwards as his hands guided you, moving you until your clothed pussy was right above his face. Once more, he breathed you in. The smell you gave off was delectable, drawing him in to get a taste.

With one finger, he pulled your panties to the side, his eyes focussing on what had just been revealed to him. He never got over how pretty you were down there. The way you sparkled and glistened just for him, your tight hole clenching around nothing, practically begging for him to put something inside. 

You’d take anything he gave you. Tongue, finger, cock; whatever it was, you'd love it, thanking him as he played with you. Fortunately, you were his favourite toy. 

Pushing the ice to the back of his mouth, he stuck his tongue out, laying it flat against you. He moved it through your folds, holding you tightly in place as it flicked against your clit. You couldn't hold back the sound of pure pleasure that escaped you.

You were hovering again, too scared to put your full weight on him, but you couldn't hold on. As he worked, switching between licks and suckles, pace changing every few seconds, you found it harder and harder to stay there. Your muscles began to ache, and with a single scrape of his teeth, they collapsed. You were fully seated there, and Jihoon made sure to keep you in place. Each and every time you tried to move, he gripped your flesh tighter, using it as an anchor to pull you further against him. 

He ate you out like a starving man, drinking in your juices like it was the best thing he ever tasted. His icy tongue played with you, teasing you before dipping down between your folds to collect more of the sticky liquid that he loved so much. The moans he let out came straight from his chest, filled with pure joy. He was enjoying this just as much as you were.

He knew what he was doing, too. If he were to get a dime for every hour he’d spend with his face between your legs, he’d probably be rich by now. He felt at home there, knowing exactly what to do to bring the prettiest of sounds out of you. It was like music, hearing you whimper above him, and you were his favourite record.

It came as no surprise when you came after such a short amount of time. After all, he was good at his job. He bared his teeth against you in a smile as a final high pitched scream left your body, your pussy twitching as you soaked his lips.

“So perfect for me.” His voice was muffled against you, prompting you to lift away from him. His grip released as you did so. As much as he wanted more, he was glad to have some room to take in a few heavy breaths of much-needed oxygen. “So good, sugar…”

You just nodded, too busy coming down from your high to even think about talking. Your head was spinning, barely registering the feeling of his thumbs rubbing circles into your thighs in an attempt to bring you back down to Earth. Much like his, your breathing was heavy, your chest heaving up and down as you revelled in the feeling of post-orgasmic bliss. You felt free, like you were no longer tethered to the ground, your body and mind floating up into the clouds.

“More.” You sighed, letting Jihoon know that you were okay. At that, he smiled, a breathy laugh coming from him.

“You’re insatiable, Sugar.”

#seventeen #seventeen smut #seventeen oneshot #seventeen requests #seventeen scenarios #Svt #svt smut #svt oneshot #svt requests #svt scenarios #woozi #woozi smut #woozi oneshot #jihoon #lee jihoon #jihoon smut

[rorschachisgay]

i find reading 4chan posts absolutely fascinating in a like anthropological study way. everyone on that site has something horrifically wrong with them but there's a clear dividing line between people who are managing their lives but hang out on there because they are also unbelievably racist vs people who know theres something wrong with them and with the world but cant cope with it and get encouraged by the site to sink deeper into their own misery. i think there was a point in time when there were people on 4chan who werent reprehensible human beings but we're long past that point and now its just purely egregiously awful.

but there is something so interesting about it as a like hive of human suffering. no one on there is like actually happy with their lives. sometimes you get those posts like the turtle one i just reblogged that are kind of beautiful in their earnest appreciation for life and that we can all empathise with but there's no doubt in my mind that every single other post that user has made is like talking about the pussy phrenology of different anime girls.

you have this very specific type of person who is completely disaffected by society and is deeply isolated, either has no real friends or no one he feels close with enough to be actually honest with, understands that the system we live in is broken and that he himself is a broken person, but has chosen to concentrate all that anger and misery into becoming the most hateful version of themselves possible. probably doesn't even see it as a choice because he doesn't see immediate reward for making the most minute amount of effort to improve his life, so assumes that it's totally helpless. and that's not to say they don't live in circumstances that do make profound change incredibly difficult because i have seen that some of them do, but there's also a refusal to stop being in online spaces that are actively encouraging you to destroy yourself.

there's this very specific type of person you get, which is someone whose rage and misery comes from their own narcissism. they are convinced they are smarter, better, more worthwhile than everyone around them, that everyone they know is a moron and a worthless person. but they themselves see no success and no happiness in their own life, despite the fact they feel they deserve better. and because they know they're the best person alive but they're also a failure by their own metric, they become hateful both internally and externally. obviously to some extent we all feel something like this, we all at one point or another get stuck in a shitty job or shitty class or shitty family that is holding you back and you're with genuinely bad people. but with this case, with this kind of real internalised hatred, your anger escalates outside of just immediate irritating coworkers, there's this genuine pure and unbridled hatred and rage for everyone around you for experiencing any kind of earnest and genuine emotion in the face of your own misery.

and that kind of mindset is an epidemic on 4chan, that each of them deserves more and that they despise anyone who feels anything earnestly. they're not really capable of escaping their own cynical hatred. unsurprisingly you see this a lot with white supremacists and misogynists, since most if not all 4chan users are also white supremacists and misogynists, where their whiteness and maleness should automatically make them the superior but they aren't successful and therefore there must be some other reason, some kind of conspiracy against them. there's this constant awareness on 4chan that the system is fucked but they're also unable to put the pieces together because of their own bigotry and their own refusal to see that they might be wrong.

it's interesting to me because on one level there's things I understand; i have been profoundly lonely and isolated almost my entire life, i feel disenfranchised by the terrible system we live in, i love the movie Drive. i can also sometimes understand the desire to make yourself as reprehensible to outsiders as possible, to become some kind of truly vile thing to make everyone who doesn't understand feel ill and uncomfortable and awful. but i also can never understand everything else, the deep-seated true venomous hatred for all humanity, the bigotry, the total close-minded determination to be miserable. it's like looking through some kind of hideous black mirror of what life could be like if i didn't grow up being taught feminist theory and anti-racism. because i don't think there's any single innate trait that proves you can or can't be one of these people, it takes effort. you have to work to expand your knowledge, to open your mind, to keep trying. you have to be able to accept when you're wrong. you have to choose to care about people.

but like i said i do read a lot of these posts and it is always fascinating to me how much these people try to escape their humanity but are so human in doing so. there's something kind of Sisyphean about it.

there was a trend back in the 2012s on here to talk about 4chan like it was full of leet dark hackers and at some points in time there have definitely been people on there who know how cybersecurity works and how to get around it, but as of this present year in the 2020s, the userbase seems to be almost entirely just the most pathetic, saddest part of humanity imaginable. i assume that has a lot to do with the shifting userbase, the website changing hosts and domains and owners, etc, and the different face of the internet now. mostly now i think they're just profoundly sad.

and its like. I do find these people fascinating. but they are also so fucking unbelievably mind-numbingly boring. they will never produce anything true or beautiful because they are so fucking scared of feeling and of people. they will just sit alone for their entire lives believing that if it's going to get better it will only be because of someone finally recognising their genius.

i don't know if you can or can't help them. I don't really see it as our duty to do so. if someone is a nazi for their entire young adult life i don't think any of us should have to fix that for them. I think if the system we live in is changed it will also make life better for them, because it will make life better for everyone, but i don't particularly want to assign the duty of "we NEED to help these poor racist white men" to anyone. i understand how people get in these positions but it's the same issue again and again. a total refusal to take any action out of a sense you should not be inconvenienced, people should hand stuff to you.

i have no real deeper conclusion here. i just find something really strange and interesting about looking at a post about seeing a beautiful spark of hope for humanity and knowing that that same person, the day before, wrote about how he intentionally shit himself in public to try and make a woman on the bus uncomfortable.

[chipped-chimera]

Okay gimmie a sec I need to scream about being a Lesbian and my frustrations around it as someone signing on late.

Will I post this? Idk. But I'm about to blow a gasket.

I love being lesbian, okay. It's the first time it felt something has FIT properly. It's like when I got my Autism diagnosis - suddenly everything has context and MAKES SENSE. It feels like HOME.

But the more I learn about history in terms of wlw, and look around for representation and shit now that I FINALLY got where I am ... the more depressed I get. In a way, being bisexual was easier. It was easy to find rep. To feel rep. People were generally defensive of the label, stamped out Pan/Bi discourse most of the time and defended it loudly and with pride! I was happy in that label at the time, though it wasn't for me in the end. I felt safe. Validated. Accepted.

Lesbians? I feel like the label has been a battleground since the moment I stepped foot into it. I am seeing conversations swung around with all the grace and sharp edges of a mediaeval flail with the complete disregard of healthy boundaries others have, which again - knowing the HISTORY of how lesbianism has been interpreted over time is just ... it's misogyny in another coat. Whether internalised or intentional it is still here and it is still damaging. I sit here wondering why it's okay to have gay exclusive or trans exclusive or bi exclusive spaces but if a Lesbian tries to create one it is absolutely BATTERED for being 'exclusionary'. I mean, I know why it's like this. It's the fucking TERFs. The TERFs poisoned the water. So now a lot of lesbians feel compelled to open spaces to all as an assurance to keep them out, and in turn that is isolating. I desperately search around for people to relate to, to help navigate this world I've come into so late: I am lost, I need help, I am so isolated and alone.

And I can't find anything. Or its few and far between. I have to sift through walls and walls of experiences that while valid, are not mine. They don't help. I see lesbians getting attacked for expressing their pain over things like this, that lesbian bars are on the decline. I see headlines about a women exclusive bar as part of a temporary art exhibition being taken to court in my country by some man who filed for discrimination. I read the history of Lesbians in the American West, poorly documented as it is, that 'Lesbians had it better' than gay men because 'romantic friendships' were normalised between women - because no one believed a relationship could be 'real' unless a man was involved. Kissing and sleeping with your female friend was fine - you were just expected to 'grow up' and eventually conform to the patriarchal society structure of getting married and having children. Only men could become permanent 'confirmed bachelors'. The top Reddit related to lesbians is for porn. That objectification even invades the lesbian tag here, on a site where NSFW content has nearly been completely expunged. I know it's shit like this, way back in the 2000s was the reason I just could not accept being lesbian. I couldn't see myself in it because it was so objectified and the thought of 'engaging' in it felt gross. And it feels disgusting now.

I grew up in an environment where Lesbianism was considered something people did for attention or clout, to become more attractive to men. I see posts even now of angry lesbians venting about being predated on by bisexual women, who only mention way later that their 'boyfriend is feeling left out :('. So while it's not as bad as it was, it's still there. It's just now no longer AS socially acceptable.

So I think I understand why it took me so long. I think my mind was trying to protect me from all of this. Because although being Lesbian feels like home, I feel even more invisible. Bisexuals always were joking about being 'invisible', but as a Lesbian I feel like I don't even exist. I'm on another plane of reality. If I try to stick my head out there and make myself visible I am shamed, ridiculed, second guessed, invalidated. I see it happening everywhere, every damn day.

I see it in the shitty wlw fic ratio in nearly every fandom on Ao3. I see it in Lesbian Day of Visibility being so quiet on Tumblr that I missed it. I see it in the comments section of a relationship columnist who also came to her own realisation about being lesbian late, being told she 'just needs to find the right man' to fuck her right, she's not a lesbian! Fucking a man is the solution - even though she was married and in a het relationship for years. Even as she fights back with studies showing how wide the gender orgasm gap is.

Everywhere I turn, I am told I am not valid. That my opinions don't matter. That my preferences aren't real because a man isn't involved in some way, and it's only for THEIR entertainment when it is acceptable. I see lesbian spaces filling with bisexuals and transgender women and little lesbian voices left. I hesitate to write the last sentence because I know of the ire I could invoke by simply stating that.

I love being Lesbian. It feels like home. But I'm in an empty house with cracked windows and if I make the slightest noise someone throws a bottle through the window at me. I feel unsafe, scared, belittled, isolated and so, so fucking alone. I don't feel proud. I almost wish I could go back to being Bisexual. But it doesn't work that way. I can't keep pretending I'm something I'm not anymore, that has taken up and destroyed so much of my life and health over the years. And the idea of going back, trying to bring men back into focus feels physically disgusting. I spent 10 years in a het relationship, I think I gave it a good go and it WASN'T FOR ME. And I shouldn't need to say I have dated or fucked a woman for that to be valid either.

I don't know where I'm going with this. All I know is I feel like shit and I don't even know where or how the find people to help me through this. And it fucking hurts.

#kerytalk #ventposting #lesbian #it is bad lonely isolated lesbian hours #oh also you bet my shite mood contributing to creative block so I can't remedy my problem #by contributing wlw art and fic #is eating me alive and making my mood worse

[musical-chick-13]

Hey, I saw your post about female characters being ignored and not cared about, one thing I know and tha I've seen is that; even if the female characters and side characters were all female—they would still genderbend them, or latch onto two male characters who have done no shit and give them better characterisation, the fandom will also flatten, cut out, and remove important characteristics of the important female characters, while giving important hc canons and what not to the two male characters.

It is plain old fandom misogy and has always been there from the beginning.

"Even when women and girls are at the forefront of the story, men will always be seeked out in whatever ways possible, and centralised—female characters on the other hand, will always be judged or ignored; people do not want to admit it, but they still have internalised misogyny to worked on, 'fandom is not activism' gives them an excuse and cover to not examine, women's stories or inner lives don't and have never mattered to a lot of people in varying degrees."

Overall, I just resonate with your frustrations and thought I was the only one . . .

Oh, you have come to the RIGHT place, my friend, I rant about this every other day at minimum.

FEMALE CHARACTERS!! WILL ALWAYS!!!! BE JUDGED OR IGNORED!!!!!!!!! Like. Chainsaw Man and Game of Thrones/ASoIaF have been praised significantly for letting all of the women in them be extremely flawed and complicated in differing and interesting ways, and I STILL see people not engaging with them and/or reducing most of them to one (1) characteristic. (Cersei is a "crazy bitch," Sansa is "stupid" (??), Catelyn is a terrible mom, Melisandre is...there; Kobeni is obnoxious, Makima is hot, Himeno is the Worst™, etc. etc.) And there should be an overwhelming abundance of increasingly implausible f/f ship content, right? (There isn't.)

(And ohhhhh, people want to erase the importance of women to the overall narrative and its themes (and their canonical importance to other-usually male-characters) so bad, see: Cersei, Himeno, Irene Adler, Mary Morstan, MCU Natasha, Camille O'Connell, Bonnie Bennett, Lizzie Saltzman, Mai from AtLA, Martha Jones, tbh even River gets a fair amount of this. And then some of this is obviously combined with racism when the character is a WOC.)

And I don't have a problem with genderbending characters-gender is complicated, and exploring different facets of how a character might interact with the world if their gender identity changed is incredibly interesting!! But it's...very telling that, historically, I have seen this happen a lopsided amount in one direction, where the female characters are reimagined as men and not vice versa. (Remember when a not-insignificant number of people could only stomach BBC Sherlock/Irene if they reimagined Irene as a man? And then got mad at Elementary for CANONICALLY reinterpreting Watson as a woman? Good times. 🙄)

Just...so many of these wildly-hated or ignored women are...not any less complex than a lot of fictional men who get popular. (I'm sorry, you want to tell me that Misa is not at LEAST as interesting and worthy of sympathy as K*lo fucking Ren? When she has the backstory she does and presents an engaging dichotomy of "bubbly/silly yet murderous" and deconstructs the idea of extreme single-minded devotion NO I'M NOT MAD ABOUT THIS WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT)

And the idea of "fandom is not activism" is supposed to be used in the sense of "Liking a pRoBLeMaTiC dynamic/character in a story doesn't mean you think that behavior is okay in real life" (finding a fictional war criminal interesting doesn't equate to supporting genocide, exploring a toxic dynamic in fic doesn't inherently mean you hate victims, etc.), and "Paying lip service to marginalized/mistreated fictional characters is not the same as helping and supporting actual marginalized/mistreated people in real life." It doesn't mean, "We ignore obvious examples of misogyny and racism and ableism and transphobia and all other prejudices just because this is supposed to be fun." Biases are systemically ingrained, and any given person will bring those biases into all facets of their life; that doesn't just magically stop happening because one of those life facets happens to be a hobby or form of entertainment. Breaking down and dismantling prejudice has to happen on every level, including the """small""" ones.

The only time I have ever seen people engage with multiple female characters on a regular basis while admitting to their importance and narrative complexity and actually creating fanworks about them is Noir (2001). And that's because there are a whole 10 people in this fandom and the show has no men. (Okay, not literally, but you know what I mean.) And it's just so incredibly frustrating that that's the point we have to get to just for it to be possible for people to bother with a work's female characters on an enthusiastic, regular basis. (Because, as you said-that doesn't always happen even when those conditions are met.)

ANYWAY, I'm so sorry for making this response so lengthy, but genuinely I have been holding this in for a long time. TLDR, you're right and you should say it. You definitely aren't the only one, and I'm so, so glad that somebody Gets It.

#we can apparently have sympathy & complex analysis™ for [character name redacted b/c I will get murdered] but not LIZZIE??? who ACTUALLY #has a mental illness and an extremely turbulent personal history??????? REALLY???!!!!?!??? #misogyny in fandom #fandom misogyny #female characters #multi t(ASK)ing

[smokedanced]

I rewatched the first three episodes (while I wait to watch the new ones with @lovepurposed when we manage to find a time because timezones) and while I don't have the spoons to write full on posts (I feel kinda bad about... I don't know, I just don't have the spoons to fully be a fandom member these days, due to being disabled; like, I have profound love for this show and these muses and I have so many thoughts but arranging them into proper verbalised form is just hard, and I put my writing spoons into replies over headcanon posts usually when feeling like this, but it does feel like I'm missing out on a lot by not being the most active when episodes are on air and all, like I'm missing on the hype), I figured why not do some bullet points anyway, about some stuff that relates to my muses:

I'm not going to shy away from Ed's violence when writing his kraken era. Not that I was before, but canon went to a really dark direction with it, and I'm fine with portraying that. Includes both his abuse towards his crew, and his suicidal ideation. I'm sure he will come out of it (probably with Stede's help in canon? but can be anything in roleplay prose, like obviously I'm unopposed to having it be thanks to Izzy or whoever, depending on whatever we play with), but between seasons & first three episodes of second season era Ed is violent, abusive, self-destructive, erratic and extra unstable. And I love him.

Ed tells coma-hallucination!Hornigold he's never told about killing his abusive dad to anyone except Stede. At first I figured Izzy would also know about it (especially since I headcanon the two have been together for a lot longer than Blackbeard era; Izzy having been on Hornigold's crew and such, before), but actually, no, he's never told Izzy; Izzy doesn't know. I do believe Izzy and Ed know each other better than anyone else, including Stede, but that piece of information - Izzy doesn't know it. Ed's never told him. That's not the kind of vulnerability either of them have ever had with each other. (I ship Izzy/Ed and Stede/Ed and Izzy/Stede, but Izzy/Ed/Stede throuple is superior to all of the above, and I think the three complete each other with all individuals bringing something valuable to the mix and all three having potential for becoming more wholesome with each other than with just one of them/alone.)

Lucius is traumatised as fuck, as obviously narrated in canon. I don't??? Have many thoughts on him, as of now.

"I have... love for you" Izzy admitting this and the way he says it... Jesus fucking Izzy, his self-hatred is as strong as Ed's, but manifesting in different ways. He's so fucking ashamed of loving Ed, not because he thinks there's anything wrong with it, but because he believes he's inherently disgusting and that being the subject of his love would be therefore awful for Ed. It has nothing to do with internalised homophobia and everything to do with Izzy seeing himself as inherently repulsive. "I have love for you", not "I love you". It's painful for him to admit because it's full of shame. He never, ever expects his affection, love, whatever, towards anybody to be reciprocated.

And he actively keeps falling back to trying to make people hate him, even as he's obviously redeemed himself with the crew between seasons. Claiming he slashed up the painting when Stede asks has nothing to do with covering for Ed or protecting Stede's feelings and everything to do with Izzy wanting to be hated because being hated is safer and more familiar than wanting to be loved and liked but being rejected. Sorry, mate, I see through your bullshit. <3

Uhhh. I feel like I had more thoughts about the three, but I can't remember. Most of my other thoughts are about characters I don't write so while there are so many things I fucking adore, I don't have, like I said, the spoons to really talk about them. Jim is hot as fuck. That's what you're getting from me rn lol.

#well this was more elaborate than i thought it was going to be but hey #our flag means death spoilers #(i will tag spoilers for a month after initial air date of an episode by the way in general with shows) #ohhh fuck i do have more thoughts re: mass effect verses and how this season is affecting them #but now i have no energy to type those down #another day! #; izzy hands ❪ muse. ❫ #; lucius spriggs ❪ muse. ❫ #; ed teach ❪ muse. ❫