#like. 1. kids hear worse shit in school you do not need to shelter them

[raven]

saw someone ask "is (x anime, i think it was fma which is very funny) appropriate for me to watch with my 14 year old sibling" recently and i was just like... That's crazy. anything is appropriate for a 14 year old.. i watched evangelion when i was 14 and im well adjusted. well im not but it's NOT eva's fault. most of the damage done to my teenage psyche was because of fandom for unassuming things that were definitely "age appropriate" for me. & i feel like watching or reading something a little too mature for you is part of growing up. idk 14 year olds can definitely think for themselves and dont need art gated off from them. like obviously young teens are not adults but they have functioning brains! they can analyze shows

#like. 1. kids hear worse shit in school you do not need to shelter them #and 2. if something looks appealing to children its probably ok for them? like idk i wouldnt recommend a 14 year old watch like #paranoia agent or something. but i dont think a kid would necessarily WANT to watch paranoia agent #also. sorry for saying so much shit. but i think possibly some of the st*phen's univ*rse discourse was bc a lot of people were watching #who had aged out of the demographic and not completely aware of that or ready to move on but were ready to like... be critical #in a way that maybe a kids show wasnt right for and could have put their talents towards something deeper. possibly

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in July

Once again I’m doing my monthly round-up of movies I’ve watched. This was a good month for the cinema getting back on track and seeing new releases including the new M. Night movie, Old and James Gunn’s The Suicide Squad. Pretty sure Marvel put out a new movie also. I’m hoping that this list can help in guiding a decision about what to watch (or what to avoid) and introduce people to movies they may otherwise not have heard of or bothered to see. These short reviews are my own subjective opinions on each individual movie and maybe a more informal approach to movie criticism can help include others who are just passing through. Here is every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of July.

Bridesmaids (2011) - 4/10

Off to a good start. I won’t say Bridesmaids is a terrible movie but I don’t think I’m exactly the target audience. As far as I know, this is a beloved comedy but I just can’t get on board with all the boring, juvenile humour; with Maya Rudolph shitting in the street, with Rose Byrne and Kristen Wiig trying to one-up each other at a toast that went on forever, with Melissa McCarthy shitting in a sink… the conflict is so done to death and makes the movie feel unspecial. I do understand the appeal of the film, especially for women in that before this movie the likelihood of seeing something like this, where women play up the more crass and gross side of comedy, was probably few and far between. But the story is very tired and while I did appreciate some moments, namely a couple of decent jokes and some of the more intimate scenes, for the most part it felt like they wanted to corner a more quiet type of line delivery in a way that was supposed to be understated but very funny so as to not rely on over the top body language or musical cues, and it ended up being super dull.

Spectre (2015) - 7/10

As far as I can tell, a lot of people don’t like this instalment of the James Bond franchise… but I really enjoyed it! I’ve really taken a shine to these Daniel Craig-era Bond movies and while I can’t say any of them are the most amazing thing, I have a lot of fun with them. The biggest problem I have with Spectre is the villain being utterly pointless and uninteresting in basically every way. The idea of every villain Bond has fought before being tied to this one organisation controlled by this one guy is ridiculous, and what makes it worse is that the villain is barely in it! There’s so much that doesn’t come together in this but as it goes, I still had a really good time. Daniel Craig holds the whole thing together; he is excellent as 007 and the main reason I’m up for each of these movies is because of him. Sam Mendes directs again after the previous instalment and for what it’s worth I do think he does a good job with some of the action set pieces and the locations. I’m so ready for No Time To Die.

Shazam (2019) - 7/10

Shazam is a genuinely fun superhero movie that doesn’t take itself seriously at all. I was having a great time throughout and while it could conform to some of the same tropes we’re used to with these kinds of movies, it still remained playful and used the character of Shazam to his fullest potential in a way that showed an understanding of just how silly the idea of a kid who can turn into an adult and shoot lightning out of his hands is.

High School Musical (2006) - 6/10

So as you may or may not know, I co-host a podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon. It’s a film podcast and every week I get together with my other co-hosts and watch movies. For episode 38, we watched the High School Musical trilogy. This first movie blew me away. I was really surprised with just how much fun I had, and if you want to hear more of my thoughts on the film, please listen to episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 2 (2007) - 4/10

We then jumped into the second and while it’s certainly not as good as its predecessor, there are still some brilliant songs that manage to top the last movie. Again, more of what I have to say can be heard on episode 38 of the podcast.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008) - 3/10

Senior Year was pretty hard to get through. I don’t remember it being as bad as it was, but then I didn’t really remember it anyway. It did however have one redeeming quality, which you can discover on episode 38 of the podcast.

The Piano Teacher (2001) - 9/10

What the fuuuckkkk. The Piano Teacher is horrendously affecting and I was so upset when it ended, maybe not because it’s not what I wanted but because it’s just so fucking dour and unrelenting. This is the second Haneke movie I’ve seen (after the original Funny Games) and I’m so impressed with how well executed it is. Following a woman who teaches piano, we get a glimpse into the life she lives, how sheltered she is from living with her mother at an age where you’d reasonably expect a person to be living alone or with a partner or friends (even going so far as to be sleeping in the same bed as her), and how repressed she is sexually. It’s clear she’s never experienced any kind of sexual interaction or romantic love with another person, so she goes out of her way to take control and make that happen. The upsetting nature of it comes from just what she does in pursuit of it or as a result of her repression, and what is done to her. It is by no means a movie to recommend to your parents but The Piano Teacher offers so much in terms of the ideas it presents (and I’ll admit there seems to be a lot more going on than I think I picked up on a first go round) about women in modern society, and about the portrayal of sex and expectations of people when it comes to how that is represented in a person’s character depending on their gender. I really enjoyed this movie but it is not for the faint of heart.

Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011) - 1/10

My podcast co-hosts decided it’d be a right laugh to add Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure to this episode and that might have been a fun idea for them because they got to watch it together, but I was just watching it alone. Just a 24-year-old man watching Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure alone and having a miserable time, I might add. But for a short and sweet ramble on what we all thought, please listen to episode 38 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Dr. No (1962) - 6/10

A lot of very iffy parts of this movie. A lot of discomfort arising from how black people are portrayed that really didn’t sit right with me. As far as a Bond movie goes, this first instalment in the series is one I’ve seen before and it’s not wholly engaging but it plants the seeds for the rest, with Sean Connery breathing life into the role and making an otherwise lacklustre plot bearable.

Black Widow (2021) - 6/10

I think probably the best part about Black Widow is the experience I had while watching it. It was great being back in the cinema with a couple of friends in a packed theatre. The energy was high and I’m sure for a lot of people, this is the first time they’d been to the cinema since Endgame. For what it’s worth, I did have a lot of fun with Black Widow and I’ve explained more of what I thought about the movie in episode 39 of the podcast.

The Climb (2020) - 10/10

The Climb was added to Now TV recently and I already knew I loved it, having seen it in an empty cinema theatre last year, which I had an absolute blast with. The Climb details the years of a rocky friendship told over scenes filmed as one-shots. Not only is the presentation something to gawk at, but the performances by the two leads playing these friends with a terrifically dysfunctional dynamic is truly captivating. They’re both trying to figure out their own lives and where one can come across as being rather selfish, the opposite is true in his counterpart, whom everyone loves. This is a truly funny and heartwarming movie with a lot to say about how we choose to live our lives and who we choose to be with. It’s a shame the distributors of The Climb didn’t do a very good job because if not for it being available on Now TV, it would be near impossible to watch without forking out more money than is necessary to purchase a film.

From Russia With Love (1963) - 5/10

The second Bond movie. I thought perhaps I’d change my mind on it with another watch, having seen it for the first time maybe a year ago. But no, it’s still largely boring and it treats women like absolute garbage. From Russia With Love is one of those movies I forget as I watch it, and I was trying very hard (in the middle of the day!) not to fall asleep.

The Good, The Bart, and The Loki (2021) - 1/10

I don't usually talk about the short films I watch but for this I'll make an exception. As we all should know, Disney owns The Simpsons now, through their acquisition of Fox, so, coupled with another of their properties, that being Marvel, they decided to make a six-minute animated film wherein Marvel’s Loki is stranded in Springfield. This felt as though it was a minute long due to the horrendously jarring pacing; it is a movie that feels adamant that it needs to exist, while trying as hard as it can to be over as soon as possible. It serves only to stare the audience directly in the face and say “look, characters from The Simpsons are dressed as Avengers”, shit out three credit scenes, then end before you’ve even processed the atrocity you just bore witness to.

Russian Ark (2002) - 8/10

For this next episode of the podcast, we watched a few Russian movies, starting with Russian Ark, a film shot completely in one take as the camera moves about a luxurious museum in a first-person perspective as this main character watches what is happening around him, seeing people moving about the place but unable to interact with them, guided only by another man who seems to be just slightly out of his own perception of reality. This is a tremendous feat in filmmaking and more can be heard about what I have to say in episode 39 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

Ivan’s Childhood (1962) - 7/10

For my own pick of Russian movies to discuss on the podcast, I chose the debut feature from one of my favourite directors, Andrei Tarkovsky. It’s amazing that while this is not his best film by far, Ivan’s Childhood is still such a stellar debut, jumping around in its timeline as it details a child’s experience in the second world war. Again, I do go into more depth in episode 39 of the podcast, so be sure to check that out.

Outlaw (2019) - 1/10

The third movie chosen for this marathon is apparently the fourth Russian LGBTQ+ movie ever made. I’m unsure of the ultimate goal of this movie but what seems to be clear is that it hates the LGBTQ+ community. This is perhaps the worst film we’ve discussed on the podcast to date, so listen to episode 39 to understand exactly why it’s such trash.

Almost Famous (2000) - 7/10

I too love heavy music and also studied journalism so it stands to reason that a movie about a teenager who makes his way onto a band tour, following them through America and interviewing them as they hang out and play shows is going to be a premise that resonates with me. This certainly did. I enjoyed Almost Famous a lot; this kid is living the dream and I was so along for the ride, seeing a lot of myself in what was being portrayed. That said, the story itself is at times a bit by the numbers and I really would’ve been more on board if the visual component was more interesting. For what it is, technically it’s fine enough but nothing in that department ever jumped out at me.

Minari (2021) - 8/10

It’s crazy that this didn’t get a theatrical run where I live in the UK. It feels as though I complain about film distribution all the time but I really don’t understand the process by which a movie gets no cinematic release and yet, months later will pop up on the front shelf of hmv, taking pride of place. But of course I got the blu-ray straight away. Minari has a lot to say about the immigrant experience, specifically in America as a family comes over from Korea and tries to start a business and make something of themselves. You get to see a lot of what you might not think twice about when you think about immigration: the hardship of coming from a place where you know everyone to somewhere rural and sparsely populated, having to make friends with locals and integrate within the community; the strain it can put on a family and on a marriage where this idea is presented about the importance of making it on your own in order to live and not just survive, while also taking into account why you’re doing it in the first place and the value you place on being part of a family that you decided to make because that was more important than money, than economy, than proving you were good enough to make it in a place that gave you very little advantage from the offset. This concept of the promised land, of the American dream is a construct. There are times when it’s not pretty, when you have no running water, or you’re in debt, or a family member is dying and it just feels like you’ve been dealt as bad a hand as you can get. But it is better to know you’re not facing all that alone.

Roma (2018) - 10/10

This was my recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. Roma is as beautiful as it is heart-wrenching and I would recommend listening to episode 40 of the podcast to find out more about my thoughts.

An American Werewolf In London (1981) - 8/10

In all fairness, London is enough to make anyone a little crazy at the best of times. An American Werewolf in London showcases some fantastically grotesque effects, akin to something like Carpenter’s The Thing, in showing the dead brought back to life and a horrifically gory transformation scene. Although the film is from the perspective of an American protagonist, directed also by an American, the depiction of British culture and climate is something I’ve not seen many films pull off quite so well, and I was pleasantly surprised at the more comedic tone the film has overall, which is something that works more in its favour than straight horror would.

The Party’s Just Beginning (2018) - 6/10

Karen Gillan’s directorial debut is… pretty good! There are a lot of ideas I like in this movie: a woman living life and through convenient circumstances, is confronted with death in many ways. Gillan obviously knows her homeland as well as she can, imbuing the whole thing with an intensely Scottish vibe (though maybe not in the same vein as something like Trainspotting) that makes it a bit more unique than a more run of the mill movie of this ilk, backed up in no small part by her own main performance. The plot itself is no great diversion from the kind of story I’m used to with these smaller movies and for something that’s trying to include messaging about transgender issues and suicide, it probably could have been handled better or done in a different way.

Solaris (1972) - 9/10

Another Tarkovsky joint, one I thought I’d revisit to see if there was indeed more to get out of it a second time. Well, it’s no surprise that yes, there was certainly more to get out of it. Solaris is a crazy trip of a movie and I would liken it to Kubrick’s 2001 in terms of how grand the scale of it feels. Yet this is a film that comes across as deeply personal, choosing to focus on a specific character as he goes to a space station to help those on board who are experiencing some kind of emotional crises, only to feel the effects of the planet, Solaris invading his own mind as it has the crew. To many, I can see this lengthy Russian sci-fi being a tad slow but my personal experience is one of deep engagement. Solaris pulls its viewer in a lot of different directions and it is always doing something unexpected in terms of where its narrative goes. There’s a lot to think about with the movie and thankfully it’s no chore to watch again.

Y Tu Mamá También (2001) - 9/10

Another recommendation for the podcast episode on Alfonso Cuarón movies. This is a very relaxed experience, following three young people as they go on a road trip, visit different places and have sex. Listen to episode 40 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast for more of my thoughts.

Children of Men (2006) - 10/10

My favourite Cuarón movie, one that never stops being tense as its characters are constantly moving towards the end goal. Set in a future where humans are infertile, the oldest living person is 18, and London is the last city in the world that’s still keeping it together, somewhat. This is masterclass filmmaking. Listen to episode 40 of the podcast for more insights.

Minority Report (2002) - 5/10

I’m really not the biggest fan of Spielberg… Minority Report is an interesting movie in terms of its concept of stopping crimes before they happen by way of prediction, but I just didn’t connect with the heart of it. The colouring is way too overexposed in a way that’s supposed to be eliciting a futuristic vibe but instead feels so early-2000’s in the worst way. My biggest problem with Minority Report is just how long it is, clocking in at two hours and twenty-five minutes which allows for a lot of meandering, all while never quite developing characters enough for you to care about.

Caché (2005) - 9/10

Oh god! Another Michael Haneke movie! Here we see a couple periodically sent video tapes featuring hours of footage of the outside of their house. The anxiety ratchets up and the mystery gets deeper with every minute. There’s always at least one moment in any of his films that have so far made me realise just how out of my depth I am. Caché is no exception, and I won’t spoil anything here because I think it’s better just to watch the movie and see for yourself. He is a director that wants the audience to know something and that something is never what is explicitly shown at face value; it is pressed into the fabric of the film - plainly evident, yet hidden. Caché is so stupidly clever in displaying its themes and messaging - making reference to the Siene Massacre of 1961 as well as a deeper study of colonialism - and there’s no way to change a single detail of it without risking the Jenga tower crumbling to the ground. It all works in tandem. It is passion and fury and haunting.

Coco (2017) - 7/10

Pixar had a string of around seven forgettable movies before this point so thankfully Coco emerged to show the company still had something good in them. Coco deals a lot with themes of death and legacy, remembering those who are gone in order to preserve them and while its plotting is quite basic and there are certainly moments that either drag or cannot escape the same Pixar formula, most of what the movie has to offer is a lot of fun, with creative, colourful animation and emotional beats that resonate the way they’re supposed to.

Incredibles 2 (2018) - 5/10

Oh, they almost had it! There's a lot here that could have been explored in far more interesting ways. Setting Incredibles 2 directly after the events of the first movie was not a good idea. If it had taken place five or ten years after, the characters could have been in different places in life and it would feel as though they'd actually changed and developed. But instead of trying to be a film that actually cares about its characters and the journeys they go on, a lot of the film is wrestling with the idea that Bob isn't supportive of his wife and Jack-Jack has to fight a raccoon… They have to shoehorn in a villain that in no way compares to the genius of the original. The ending of the original introduces another antagonist that gets wrapped up within this film's first ten minutes, except they don't catch him and he's never mentioned again. It's a real shame because the animation is fantastic and the acting is superb and there are great ideas sprinkled throughout. It just doesn't come together.

Toy Story 4 (2019) - 6/10

I was rather reluctant to watch Toy Story 4 because from the get-go I’m not really here for sequels being made just for the sake of it. Everyone loves Toy Story and making another one is a sure fire way to make money. This is the first time I’ve seen Toy Story 4 and for what it’s worth, I did enjoy it. The animation is immaculate and that alone feels like a huge flex from Pixar who tend to step up the game when it comes to animation in film, despite not having the best track record for films generally at this point. While it was nice to see these characters again, I found a lot of them to be side-lined (namely Buzz) in favour of a story that focuses mainly or entirely on Woody, who I just don’t like as much as in the previous movies. Generally the movie is good and decent enough but there’s no real antagonist and the plot is quite loose… it doesn’t feel as though it needed to be made from a story point of view.

Onward (2020) - 6/10

And with that I have seen every Pixar movie. And Onward is a fine one to go out on. While I don’t think it compares to the likes of earlier Pixar it’s still pretty fun. Or maybe I’m just a sucker for a medieval setting filled with bright colours and magic! Speaking of which, the animation was super and the medieval quest element is something that hooked me with the film. Again, plot-wise it does feel very familiar and I don’t know, maybe I’m past the point now of expecting Pixar to mix it up where their formula for story-telling is concerned but the movie is quite predictable. Nonetheless, while I’m not rushing back to see Onward I would hardly turn it off or refuse if someone wanted to watch it.

Old (2021) - 3/10

Oh boy! New M. Night movie dropped and my word, was it fun! For more of my thoughts on this… masterpiece (?) of a movie, please direct your attention to episode 41 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

T2 Trainspotting (2017) - 5/10

Trainspotting is perhaps one of my favourite movies and I had never bothered with the sequel, 20 years on, because the ending of that first movie is so conclusive. T2 felt more an excuse for these guys to get together again and in that, I probably would have preferred a couple of pictures on Twitter of the main cast and director, Danny Boyle having dinner or something. This is a fine movie - very arty in its presentation but meandering and dull in its story that doesn’t offer much in the way of proof that it had to exist.

Taste of Cherry (1997) - 9/10

What makes life worth living? This is a central question and theme of Taste of Cherry, and one that leaves such interpretation not only up to its central character but to the viewer as well. This film got me thinking about times in my life when I truly have had no answer to hard questions. Because it’s hard to convince people of things they are so adamantly against and harder still to rationalise what you believe if you’re not even entirely sure why you believe it in the first place. We are all of us alive and in recognising that, does that make it precious? And if indeed living is not a happy thing, why then should we fight so hard to preserve it? I felt upset as I watched this movie because I’ve been asked these kinds of questions before and it makes me feel stupid when I’m unable to answer. But the only real answer I can give is, everything. And if you can’t see the point then you’re not looking hard enough. Taste of Cherry is beautiful in its exploration of these topics and in its overall presentation, offering some of the best visuals in any movie I’ve seen - fitting for a feature with so much to say about the beauty of life - and an ending that as much pulls the rug out from under you as it does pull you out of the dark and make you realise just how lonely you’ve felt.

Bones (2001) - 2/10

Snoop Dogg is Jimmy Bones! This film is super funny but I’m not sure it’s trying to be and I really didn’t love it overall. But I do talk more in depth about it in episode 41 of the podcast.

The Duchess (2008) - 5/10

Another recommendation for the podcast. The Duchess was pretty much exactly what I thought it was going to be and there’s a lot to like about it but generally it’s a bit sparse. For more chat on the movie, listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Man With One Red Shoe (1985) - 1/10

This was another one for the podcast and man, was it awful. We had to watch it at 1.5x speed towards the end because it just wasn’t getting finished otherwise. To find out more, make sure to listen to episode 41 of the podcast.

The Emperor’s New Groove (2000) - 7/10

Pull the lever, Kronk! Haha! Slays me. I do quite miss this era of Disney, where the animation was hand-drawn and the stories were actually compelling and funny. The Emperor’s New Groove is vibrant, it’s got great characters and memorable moments that will forever be ingrained in the memory of culture. All in all, it’s just a solid flick that doesn’t waste time, developing the standard fall from glory type of arc but smoothly and in an entertaining way.

The Suicide Squad (2021) - 8/10

Oh, bloody hell! They actually made a good one! The Suicide Squad is not only better than the ‘Suicide Squad’ of 2016 in every way, it’s a genuinely great film! This time, James Gunn (director of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies) is at the helm and it seems clear that Warner Bros. basically let him do what he wanted with the movie, as it doesn’t seem to bog itself down with the restrictions of a more family-friendly rating. The result of this is a far cleaner, colourful film with a clearer vision that takes from early Vietnam movies and uses that style to craft a superhero/villain movie that differentiates itself among the copious amount of existing films of the genre.      The Suicide Squad wastes very little time, introducing fun, crazy characters we’ve not seen on the big screen before and isn’t worried about killing a whole bunch of them, with standouts being Elba’s Bloodsport, Melchior’s Ratcatcher 2, Stallone’s King Shark (expertly rendered with fantastic visual effects), and Robbie’s returning interpretation of Harley Quinn.      A lot of Gunn’s trademark sense of humour is laced throughout and more often than not, it hits. The audience at the cinema were truly loving this movie and I’ll admit, I was right there with them. This mix of the gritty, gory and absurd is not something that should work as well as it does but the basic premise of the film is already so silly (and boy, do they know it) that it just works! Certainly one of the best DC movies since The Dark Knight and one I’d be more than happy to watch again. This is what the modern comic book movie should be: just balls to the wall fun!

#july #movies #wrap-up #film #follow for more #Twitter: @MHShukster #children of men #roma #the climb #the piano teacher #solaris #y tu mamá también #y tu mama tambien #taste of cherry #caché #cache #the suicide squad #an american werewolf in london #russian ark #minari #coco #spectre #shazam #ivan's childhood #almost famous #the emperor's new groove #high school musical #toy story 4 #black widow #onward

[gumnut-logic]

Two Birds with One Stone (Bit 2)

Bit 1 | Bit 2

Still @godsliltippy​ ‘s fault :D Unfortunately today went sideways, so I don’t have as much of this written as I would like, though this is a decent chunk. I’m quite enjoying writing this...my writing has lost a bit of its spark lately as I think I’m buried under all those WIPs and it is messing with my muse. But this is a shortish one that is pure indulgence.

Also, I forgot to link to the artwork that inspired this! The Wonderful Tippy’s art of these two knuckleheads trying to treat each other :D Though I will admit, I upped the whump level, just a little :D

Many thanks to @godsliltippy​ @tsarinatorment​ and @scribbles97​ for all their reading, inspiration and support ::hugs them madly:: And also to all those thunderfam who commented on Bit One. You guys keep me happy and writing ::hugs you all so much::

I hope you enjoy this bit. Hopefully I can write some more later tonight.

-o-o-o-

Gordon hated tornadoes. Since he was little, they had haunted his dreams. Stories from kids at school, news on the broadcasts and several mad scampers down into the storm shelter with his mother and a brother or two, absolutely terrified for the brothers who weren’t with them, pretty much cemented in a decent wariness.

And the sound. Oh god, the sound. So loud and screeching.

There had been the one time it had only been him and his two eldest brothers. Mom had been with Johnny somewhere else. Gordon had been too young to remember where, but what he did remember was Virgil.

Scott had held Gordon while the wind blasted overhead and his brother’s arms around him helped ever so much. But Virgil had been so jumpy and the emotion in his eyes had frightened Gordon enough that he never forgot it.

He had asked Virgil about it sometime after but his big brother had no idea what he was talking about. There were hugs and reassurance a-plenty, but Gordon was not convinced.

He was determined that Virgil liked tornadoes even less than Gordon.

So, it was with a familiar sense of apprehension that Gordon faced landing in a volatile tornado zone.

Two was equipped. Equipped to withstand almost anything. She was a tank. But there were plenty of things in a tornado zone that Brains might not have been able to predict.

If Gordon found himself eyeing the dark sky as Virgil secured his ‘bird, literally clamping her to the ground with her grapples and drilling pitons deployed from her struts, he felt justified in his uneasiness. Virgil even muttered something about the type of rock he had landed on, probably to try and reassure his co-pilot.

It didn’t work.

But Gordon was used to being afraid. It was healthy and just needed the respect it was due so he could work around it.

Today it was a factory and an unconfirmed number of people trapped beneath its collapsed structure.

They were both moving, down the hatch, and running over to do an initial site assessment before deploying a pod or two. Virgil had just reached the edge of the debris zone, Gordon a second behind him when John yelled in his ear and the world suddenly darkened.

That familiar and dreaded screeching wind leapt up and the earth roared as a twister hit dirt far too close to them and obviously unpredicted by anyone. It blanked out everything with torn up landscape.

John was still yelling in his ear.

It began to hail.

Huge chunks of ice that clamoured against his helmet and bruised through uniform.

The noise.

God, the noise.

Instinctively, he reached out and grabbed for Virgil’s uniform only to glimpse a darker shadow in the chaos.

A split second later he was fighting the wind both to keep his feet and to move himself and his brother out of the way.

It was a combine harvester.

An airborne combine harvester. He had only a split second to recognise the shape before it was on them.

Gordon threw up an arm to protect himself as the machinery threatened to land on their heads.

It didn’t.

It missed, bouncing just enough to fly over in a mess of screaming metal.

His arm snagged on something sharp, tearing his uniform, but he was so happy to not be dead that when the twister abruptly disappeared just as fast as it hit, he found himself collapsing to the ground as much as the falling debris around him.

The hail switched to rain.

Dirt turned to iceberged mud.

He still had his fist knotted in Virgil’s baldric.

His brother was face down, helmet sinking into the sludge.

“Virgil!”

The rain petered off abruptly and the world around him fell silent bar the ominous rumble of the clouds and the soft splats of small pieces of debris returning to earth.

“Virgil!”

His brother did not respond.

But as Gordon reached over to assess him something twitched in his arm, a spurt of red forced him to clamp a hand down on a suddenly very serious injury.

Shit!

“Virgil!”

He nudged his brother with an elbow and prayed he wasn’t seriously injured.

As if in answer, Virgil groaned and rolled over.

Gordon’s eyes widened.

There was a huge chunk of metal sticking out of his brother’s helmet.

Words failed him, absolute terror shaking him to his bones.

“VIRGIL!”

His brother groaned again, a hand wavering towards his broken visor.

“No, Virgil, stay still! Thunderbird Five, emergency, we need assistance, Virgil is down!”

“FAB. Help is already on the way. Scott is en route.” His brother’s voice was calm, familiar and professional, but the tension was there. “I’ve alerted local services, but they are overwhelmed.” And there was the worry that echoed Gordon’s. “I will do my best.”

The aquanaut didn’t bother to acknowledge that. He knew John would do everything.

Gordon edged closer to Virgil only to have to scuttle out of the way as his brother suddenly sat up, threw off his helmet and emptied his stomach onto the mud.

It was unpleasant but unfortunately not unfamiliar. Virgil groaned, an arm clutching at his gut and his other hand reaching for his head.

“Virgil!”

His brother looked over at him and Gordon was forced to swallow bile.

The right side of Virgil’s head was matted in blood. His cheekbone was already beginning to swell and his eye with it. Brown eyes looked at him blearily a moment before blinking and focussing…

…on Gordon’s arm.

“Gordon!”

It was like a switch had been hit and Virgil was moving reaching for Gordon’s injury, medical concern his only focus. Eyes ascertained the extent of the damage and against Gordon’s protests, Virgil soon had his fist around it stemming the bloodflow and wrapping it in a pressure bandage. Gordon knew time was limited and restricting his circulation was a bad thing, not to mention the lack of oxygen to particular parts of his body that artery actually fed, but the sight of blood dribbling down the side of his brother’s head completely ignored as he smotherhenned over Gordon, was just simply distressing.

And now he wanted to try and move them both to Two. What?!

“I’m fine! The bandage is secure. For Christ’s sake, Virgil!”

But he was ignored and next Gordon, who despite a little dizziness due to blood loss, felt he was quite capable of walking on his own, found his brother’s considerable shoulders under one arm and they were moving through the mud to the massive green ‘bird fifty-odd metres away.

“Virgil!” God, please, don’t do this to yourself.

Okay, vertical wasn’t the best position and his head spun. Gordon had a sudden wish for his biggest brother to suddenly appear to save them all. As if hearing that thought, the world decided to make his life even worse and everything went sideways as Virgil went down like a ton of bricks.

Gordon went with him.

 TBC

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #Gordon Tracy #Virgil Tracy #inspired by art

[tenthgrove]

L'inizio- A La Squadra Backstory Collection

Chapter 3: Due Cuori (Sorbet & Gelato Part 1)

Word Count: ~3800

Warnings: parental abandonment, homelessness, mildly-suggestive behaviour

The young boy sobs into the bag he’s carrying as he flees down the dark, damp street. The quick-paced footsteps of his pursuer sound loudly as they smack against the wet concrete. The boy prays for some rain to cover the sounds of his panting and running, but he knows such luck will not be afforded to him.

He is out of his depth in this part of Naples. Not yet 14, he’s one of many such young fools who thought it would be easy to snatch a little money from one of the smaller street gangs that roam this part of the town, making the crucial mistake of thinking ‘smaller’ was synonymous with less relentless. The boy has barely a moment to comprehend the dead end ahead of him before he is knocked sharply around the back of his head and sent reeling to the floor.

“Where the hell is my money, you shit?!” the angered man interrogates him sharply. He rears a clenched fist ready to strike him again, and the boy cowers against the wall.

“It’s there! Right there!” he shrieks desperately, pointing at the back dropped at his side. The man spits. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gun. “I swear Signor! The money’s there!” the boy pleads, his voice hitching in mortal terror. The man scoffs venomously.

“Yeah, I heard.”

Two shots ring out, but they aren’t aimed at the boy. The man’s blood splashes over him as he chokes on it, falling to the ground without a word. The boy counts two wounds on the man’s back.

The figure at the end of the alleyway lowers his gun and begins to approach. He is somewhere on the boundary between boyhood and manhood, perhaps about 18, at a first guess. He is darkly dressed, with hair to match, and he returns his weapon to his pocket with a detached smoothness that suggests great experience with the murderous act. He leans over the boy and picks up his bag, smiling in satisfaction at the wad of cash crudely jammed inside. He zips the bag up and hauls it over his shoulder.

“Grazie,” he thanks him, turning away and beginning his journey back down the alleyway.

He does not walk far before he reaches his destination- a small house in a densely packed row just a street away. He knocks calmly, and the door soon opens.

“Ah, Sorbet,” the responder answers. “I thought I’d heard gunfire.”

“’Evening Gabriele,” he greets him, sorting off some of the money in his hands. “20,000 lire says I can stay the night.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Gabriele agrees with a small chuckle. “Come right in, friend.”

Sorbet removes his jacket and seats himself down on the sofa, shuffling the bag protectively behind his legs. He takes off his own bag as well and pilfers through to find the chewing gum he’s been saving for this evening.

“May I ask how you still haven’t found a place of your own? Surely you must be rolling in it from all that blood money you’ve got lately. Hell,” he remarks, eyeing the money poking out from behind Sorbet’s lap. “You could probably sort yourself out for a couple months on that alone.”

“You can certainly ask,” Sorbet answers apathetically.

“Well?”

Sorbet looks at him contemplatively before deciding he’s in the mood for compliance tonight. He leans back.

“To put it simply I’ve just been out of it too long. ‘Don’t have my birth certificate, ‘don’t have any documents of that sort. I left home at 14 and frankly I’d be shocked if I wasn’t legally dead by now. Well, assuming my mum was ever lucid enough to do the paperwork, that is.”

“You could rent a flat from the gang. They’d hardly say no to you,” Gabriele suggests.

“Not really a fan of that sort of obligation, Gabe,” Sorbet refutes him. “Besides, the quote on quote ‘buildings’ the gang owns get busted by the cops all the time. I hardly wanna deal with that at 1 in the morning.”

“True,” Gabriele snorts. A knock sounds at the door. “Who the fuck at this time of night?” he gripes.

“No idea, but have fun with them,” Sorbet says, getting to his feet. “I’m off to help myself to your shower,” he announces, departing up the stairs. Gabriele answers the door.

“H-Hello,” the newcomer greets. It’s another teenager, with messy blond hair and a sky of freckles. He shivers into his thin jacket, hand red-raw from clutching his heavy bag. “Are you Gabriele?” he asks.

“Who’s asking?” Gabriele says with scrutiny.

“My name is Gelato, sir. You don’t know me, but I know a friend of yours from Florence, well, small village outside of Florence, I’m sure you know which one I mean. I heard from him you wanted to get someone to do errands for you and well, I was wondering if I could do that for you,” the boy offers. There’s a wild look in his desperate green eyes, and Gabriele knows this won’t end quickly for him.

“Kid, that was weeks ago! What the hell took you so long?” he asks.

“It’s not my fault I had to walk here!” Gelato protests. “Look, I got kicked out by my parents, I’m only 17 and if you don’t help me I’ll have nowhere to go!” he pleads.

“That’s rough and all, but the job’s closed. Go find a shelter or something.”

“PLEASE!” Gelato begs. He’s trembling, but there’s a touch of anger in his eyes as he glares at him that makes Gabriele mildly scared to turn him down.

“Look, I have neither the need nor the money for another errand boy right now. But, now I think of it I do know a guy who needs someone to manage a bar for him. Make no mistake, it’s nothing more than a meet-up spot for the gang so don’t expect anything fancy, but I think it has a flat upstairs. Maybe you can ask to move into the place as your pay.”

“A bar? That’s perfect!” Gelato enthuses. “Thank you thank you so much!”

“Yeah, yeah, okay, I’m happy for you. Now If I go give the guy a call will you please piss off?” Gabriele entreats him.

“Anything you say sir! Thank you!” Gelato agrees. Gabriele heads for his phone with a sigh.

::::::::::::

An hour later, Gelato finds himself in the staff-only section of what was once a fully functioning bar.

“Look kid, it’s not hard stuff,” his guide tells him. “Just keep ‘em drunk enough they can’t kill each other and ring me up if you hear any talk the boss ought to here,” he explains.

“Yes sir, I will,” Gelato answers dutifully. The man opens a rickety door leading to a thin, steep staircase. Gelato follows him up.

“And, this is the flat you were so eager about,” the man announces, looking over the dark, dust-filled space of the bare-bones apartment. There’s a frightful stain on the sofa, and one of the kitchen cabinet doors is hanging on one hinge. “Consider yourself lucky I’m letting you have it when I could be giving it to someone who pays. Don’t expect a penny more from me, this is your full payment,” he continues.

“But how will I eat?” Gelato protests.

“I guess you better hope they tip you good,” the man answers apathetically. “Look, if you do a good job and don’t piss me off, maybe I can spare a few thousand lire a night later on, but until then, you’re getting no more help from me,” he maintains. “Maybe you should learn to pickpocket. ‘Useful skill to have around here.”

Gelato growls inwardly. Of course he knows how to pickpocket! Well- how to pickpocket 13 year olds outside a school gate. Grown men might be a different matter, but he’ll figure it out. Getting caught can’t be much worse than what happened when his parents found out.

“Alright. Thanks,” Gelato forces himself to say. The man gives a satisfied nod and exits.

“Make sure you know where everything is before you open at 9,” he says.

Gelato seeks out the bedroom and lies down, not caring how musty the frayed sheets smell. He grabs the pillow and hugs it close to him like a stuffed toy. It occurs to him that he’s scared.

::::::::::::

It takes him a month to accept his parents aren’t taking him back, two to stop fucking up every day of his life and three to feel some sense of normalcy in his new life at the bar. That’s not to say he’s happy, by any means, simply that he holds onto his current existence with a vice-grip, for fear that things could only get worse if he shook the boat too much.

He sleeps until noon, usually, leaves the house as soon as he’s awake enough to do so and just walks. Anywhere. Sometimes he tries to pickpocket but ever since that beating he earned from a poorly chosen victim, he saves it for his most desperate days. After lunch, if he has any, he sometimes goes to the library. He was never much of a scholar and rarely reads, but he finds the place more pleasant to dissociate in than his apartment.

Should he feel like treating himself, he occasionally visits the arcade when he has the change to spare. After it became clear letting him waste away was not in the landlord’s best interests if he wanted his bar to stay running, he began to help a little with food costs but nowhere near enough for such frivolous outings to be frequently affordable.

Around 3pm, Gelato goes home and sleeps until his hunger forces him to get up and eat. He likes to make a start early on setting up the bar, and cleaning it from the messes of its previous nights patrons, so he tries to begin by 7. It opens at 9 and closes at 2, after which Gelato will shower, and spend a short stretch of time watching the old, boxy TV he pulled out of the attic in bed, before sleeping.

As he exits the cellar, he receives a few apathetic glances from some of the patrons but ultimately nothing much. His eyes are on the far corner of the bar where, to perhaps less of his concern than it should be, two men are engaged in a heated argument. It’s a sight he’s well used to now, but he keeps a keen watch on the men, since the landlord insisted he de-escalate anything that looks like it may prove fatal.

“I don’t care what your excuses are! We had a deal and you’re going to fucking pay me!” The first man shouts. He is one of the younger ones, probably little older than Gelato but with an air of authority more akin to some of the older individuals in the mob. He has heard whispers about this man- his name is Sorbet and he is an enforcer. The mobsters are cautious about the word ‘assassin’, it makes them sound like a more ambitious group than they truly are, one that could be deemed a threat by the larger syndicates that truly control this city. Yet, Gelato reads between the lines when they talk about the things Sorbet has done. As Gelato approaches Sorbet’s eyes flick towards him momentarily. Gelato shies away from the eye contact and feels an odd feeling inside him. Seeing Sorbet always makes him feel odd. He doesn’t dare speak to him directly.

“Whatever. It ain’t on me if you misread what we were talking about. You did me a favour, nothing more,” the second man retorts. He’s another regular, as familiar to Gelato, if not more, than Sorbet is, even if he doesn’t know him by name. He is a cruel man, impatient and aggressive whenever he visits. Gelato always tremors a little when he comes through the door.

Still, he scares him less than Sorbet.

Gelato forces a smile as he approaches the second man.

“Pardon me, could I get you any more-” he inhales sharply as the half-full bottle of wine is chucked over him.

“Yes, one more of these,” the man orders coldly. Gelato wipes his eyes.

“Right away,” he nods, turning back towards the cellar and fighting every fibre of his being telling him not to let this slide.

Gelato descends into the cellar, shaking from the cold of his wet clothes and anger. As he pulls a new bottle off the shelf he wonders briefly if he ought to piss in it, but decides the best result that could come of that is having it thrown over him again. He pats down his shirt and takes the bottle back up to the bar.

He knows what has happened before the door is even open. The sound of shouting is familiar to him, and if the past few minutes is anything to go by, it’s Sorbet and that petulant man’s feud which has turned violent. Opening the door proves his theory, as a small crowd has formed around Sorbet and his opponent as they engage in a relentless match of fists.

Gelato debates to himself. He could put down the bottle and run, he could try and calm the men down and risk one or both of them turning their anger on him, or he could use this opportunity to finally get back at that bastard’s disrespect. Gelato’s never been much of a thinking sort. His mind doesn’t take long to settle on the third option. He rears the bottle above his head and charges.

There’s a collective gasp of shock as Gelato suddenly crashes into the man, smashing the bottle over the back of his skull with full strength. It shatters, and the man falls to the floor with a groan. Gelato looks up at Sorbet, briefly fearing his interference may have provoked anger but, Sorbet only smiles.

Gelato rushes to his feet just in time to join his new ally in kicking the man, again and again until he starts to spit blood. Gelato picks up the remains of the bottle’s base and pours out the remaining liquid onto his enemy’s face in one, final insult. The crowd cheers. Evidently this man was not so popular with the gang after all.

Gelato sits down, whoozy from exhaustion and adrenaline. He finds himself laughing. He cannot recall the last time he’s done that. Sorbet leans down and pulls a stack of cash from the unconscious man’s pocket.

“Lying bastard,” he scoffs. “He did have the money. Probably a lot more than I asked for, but I can hardly complain about that.” Sorbet turns to Gelato with a look of deliberation. He pulls out one of the 50,000 lire bills and hands it to him with a smile.

“For your trouble,” he declares. He withdraws his hand with a slow deliberateness, their fingertips touching for just the briefest of seconds. The odd feeling Gelato has felt since laying eyes on Sorbet returns with a vengeance, and yet, Gelato can feel nothing but awe as it begins to eat his heart.

Oh dear. Gelato might have a crush.

::::::::::::

It is three days later to the hour, that Gelato finds himself hauled into the cellar and pinned against the wall, mouth agape in shock as Sorbet digs his fingers into his neck. It occurs to Gelato he might have gone about this the wrong way.

“Alright, spit it out,” Sorbet demands. “What the hell was that up there?”

“Pardon?” Gelato pleads fearfully.

“Did you think I would let you get away with mocking me like that?” Sorbet asks through gritted teeth. Gelato’s mind turns to the myriad of weapons no doubt hidden in Sorbet’s clothes. That thought shouldn’t endear him as much as it does.

“Mocking?”

“Oh? Is there another explanation for why you would behave like that around me? Humiliate me in front of half my gang? Well?!” Sorbet entreats him. His grip around his neck tightens

“Flirting! It was flirting!” Gelato confesses desperately. Sorbet’s grip lessens.

“What?”

“Look. I think I like guys, you like guys or at least everyone says you do. And- I think I might like you a lot so- I wanted your attention. I wanted to talk to you again,” Gelato admits sheepishly. His cheeks start to burn, and it isn’t from the lack of oxygen any more.

Sorbet looks like something in his brain must have just blown a fuse. Perhaps Gelato should take this opportunity to run, since this half-assed attempt at seduction is clearly a resounding failure.

But then Sorbet starts to laugh. It’s a low, quiet laugh but nonetheless genuine as he fixes his eyes warmly on the floor.

“Oh you dear thing. That isnot how this works,” he says. Gelato breathes out in relief, as well as a little disappointment.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. This was stupid I should- probably just go back to my work,” he apologises. His body goes still as Sorbet touches a hand to his cheek.

“Though if you ever want my attention again,” he leans in and presses his lips lightly against Gelato’s. “You should just ask.”

Sorbet lets out a little hum of amusement at the sight of Gelato’s shock. He caresses his face once more, touching his finger to a little curl of hair as he does so, before finally freeing Gelato from his hold.

“See you later,” he promises, before leaving him alone in the cellar. Above him, Gelato hears Sorbet walk out in the direction of the front door. Gelato collects himself, and calmly wanders over to the sink, waiting patiently for it to fill with water.

He sticks his head in and screams.

::::::::::::

Sorbet visits the bar twice weekly, no different from before. But he starts visiting Gelato more often. Barely a week from their first kiss, they are in bed together, Gelato clinging onto his new love tightly as he reads. This touch is alien to him and in spite of his joy, he cannot help but quiver as Sorbet pets his hair. He wonders how he ever lived his life without knowing joy this strong.

Their second week is easier. They both start to become accustomed to this newfound love and no longer think of each other as strangers. Gelato knows Sorbet’s full name now, he knows which street he grew up on and the names and ages of each of his siblings. Sorbet knows what Gelato’s parents did for a living. He knows the name of the boy he had his first real fight with, and the therapist who tried and failed to relieve him of the ‘learning disabilities’ that made his parents despise him so deeply. Sorbet tries to at least drop in on most days, but when he can’t, he calls Gelato to tell him where he’s staying for the night. Gelato thinks of him as he falls asleep, hugging his pillow close.

By week three, the pair have found a new normal together. Sorbet sleeps over more often than not, and the bar patrons now know full well not to cause Gelato trouble when Sorbet is in the building. Sorbet has made every aspect of Gelato’s life more enjoyable, and he can see in Sorbet’s eyes that the feeling goes both ways. Gelato knows why Sorbet left home four years ago, and Sorbet knows how Gelato really wants to get revenge of his parents for abandoning him. On precisely day 19 of their affair, Gelato asked Sorbet if he planned to keep doing this with him forever. Sorbet did not hesitate in saying yes.

It’s a few days later that Sorbet comes to the bar with an especially warm smile on his usually cold face. Gelato thought little of putting down his current orders to rush over and greet him at the door.

“Sorbet, you’re here early!” Gelato enthuses. Sorbet pecks his cheek.

“I thought we might spend a night to ourselves. I think you need it, Caro.”

“But Sorbet, the bar doesn’t close for three more hours yet!” Gelato reminds him.

“Not if I can help it.”

Sorbet raises his gun and fires it twice at the ceiling. The patrons look up in fear. “Alright, everyone out. Bar’s closed,” he announces. The patrons sheepishly get to their feet and file out.

“But, the landlord!” Gelato protests.

“Fuck the landlord. If he has a problem with this, he goes through me,” Sorbet maintains. Gelato’s breath escapes him with a laugh and he follows him upstairs.

“Really, tell me,” Gelato insists light-heartedly. “What’s brought this on?” He turns around and his face falls to see that Sorbet is looking saddened.

“I- saw my siblings today,” he announces.

“Are they… okay?” Gelato asks worriedly.

“Oh, they’re fine. I saw them down at the cafe, they didn’t notice me. Taking a look at the other ones, I’m assuming the older ones are getting better at taking care of them. It makes sense, given the ages they’re getting to. The issue is… there was another baby, this time, who wasn’t there before,” Sorbet reveals. “Probably just a month or so old, from the looks of her.”

“Sorbet…”

“My sister,” Sorbet says, bringing his head into his hands. “And I don’t even know her name!”

“Sorbet,” Gelato says, taking his head in his own hands. “It isn’t your fault the way your mother is. Looking after them isn’t your responsibility.”

“It was,” Sorbet reminds him. “Then I left.”

“Look, I’m sure they’re fine,” Gelato reiterates. “Believe me when I say there are many worse things older siblings can do than just not look after you. Now,” he begins. “How about that night we were going to have together,” he smiles.

“Right,” Sorbet recalls, pecking him on the nose. “It’s you I came to see.”

Sorbet leans forward and kisses him deeply. Gelato, so recently a stranger to the sensation, leans in further to the kiss, pawing teasingly at Sorbet’s chest to urge him on. Sorbet groans to the kiss, hooking a hand around Gelato’s collar. Downstairs, something crashes loudly.

Sorbet pulls back. He sees Gelato’s eyes widen in fear as a parade of footsteps stumble into the building. Sorbet presses a kiss to his cheek reassuringly.

“Stay calm,” he urges him. “Not a sound.”

Sorbet stands up and, watching his feet on the old floorboards, moves over to the window to peer outside.

“Shit!” he exclaims, ducking away out of view.

“What is it?” Gelato whispers.

“The police. Two cars.”

“Are they here for us?” Gelato asks, voice hitching in fear. Sorbet shakes his head quickly.

“Unlikely. They most likely thought the place was empty. If we are quick, we can still leave without them seeing us,” he promises. Gelato shrinks back.

“I’m scared,” he admits. Sorbet takes his hand in his.

“Just stay with me okay? I’ll protect you.”

#la squadra #la squadra di esecuzione #Sorbet and Gelato #sorbet jojo #gelato jojo #l'inizio

[seagreen-meets-grey]

When Lightning Strikes Ch. 16

When your life is nothing but a cloudless sky, lightning can come and strike you so unexpectedly, you won’t even know what hit you.

Or: When Hiccup and Astrid meet, it is as if lightning strikes.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18] [Chapter 19] [Chapter 20]

Crossposted on ao3 and ff.net

_______________

Hiccup regretted not going back for a jacket the minute the wind started blowing sideways. His hand hurt from gripping the handle of his umbrella, preventing it from succumbing to the forces of nature and escaping him like a gas-filled balloon. When it turned inside-out for the third time, he gave up and closed it, hunching his shoulders in an attempt to keep the rain from disappearing down his back. It only semi-worked. He could count the goosebumps on his skin. Soon, his t-shirt was clinging to his torso and he started rubbing his arms to stop shivering.

This had been a very stupid idea. Why had he not thought this through? Where was he even going? And why on earth had he not taken his car?! But turning around and walking back to his house sounded worse than to keep walking, because the way back was the direction the rain and wind were coming from. He started jogging to warm up and get out of this weather as fast as possible, taking the route to the nearest person he could think of.

With a trembling finger, he rang the doorbell, waiting for the familiar static. The first voice he could hear was that of a barking dog, then some swearing and yelling at the dog to shut up, then finally, someone addressed him. “Hello?”

“Hey man, it’s me. Can you let me in? I’m cold and wet.”

“That’s not what- Shut up, Hookfang! Sit! That’s not what your mom said last night.”

Hiccup let his forehead fall against the front door. “Just let me in, please.”

The sound that came out of the buzzer reminded him of a dying cow, but he was able to open the door anyway. At the top of the stairs, Snotlout was standing in the open apartment door, holding his excited dog by the collar. When it spotted Hiccup, it wagged its tail against its owner’s legs and barked happily.

“Come in before he barks up the whole stairwell again. Mr. Browner’s been sticking his head out the door every time we came back from a walk to complain if Hookfang made even the tiniest of sounds. And you know he’ll make the sound if he sees people.” Before he closed the door, he yelled down the stairs, “Yes, Mr. Browner, I’m talking about you, you massive dick!”

Hiccup scratched the happy dog, trying to escape its tongue. “Wouldn’t massive dick be a compliment in your book?”

“What?”

“Nothing. Do you have a jacket for me?”

“What do you need a jacket for?”

Hiccup wordlessly pointed first at his clothes, then out the next window. “Oh, come on…” Of course, in the few minutes he’d spent inside, the rain had let up. A small patch of cloud was even lighting up a little, as if about to expose a bit of sunshine.

“You walked through a car wash or what?”

“Why- why would I ever- No, it’s been raining for the past few hours, have you not looked outside lately?”

Snotlout flopped into his armchair where a set of headphones and a half-empty bag of chips were resting on each arm. “Nah, I was busy.”

Gently shoving Hookfang away from him so that he could move, Hiccup peaked at the TV screen. “Obviously.” He was looking at the pause menu of a Harry Potter Lego game. Snotlout quickly grabbed the remote and the screen went dark.

“This is Call of Duty. Shut up, Hiccup.”

“Clearly. I could still use a jacket, though.” Oh, he would use this newfound knowledge on a later occasion. When he had the right mind for it and wasn’t still feeling like a wet towel in winter.

With a groan, his friend got up and left to his bedroom. As soon as he was gone, Hookfang jumped onto the chair and stuck his nose into the bag of chips, licking the inside. Hiccup grimaced. Snotlout loved his dog, but he still had trouble making it listen to him. Or follow any rules at all. Lucky for him, Hiccup now knew an expert in all things dog training and– Oh, right. Said expert had also just kissed him, more or less, and then bolted.

She’d said she needed to go home. Maybe she’d meant her parents’ place? Maybe she hadn’t even been talking about anything regarding her relationship with her husband? Was he overthinking this again? Maybe… Maybe she’d forgotten she needed to meet her family, the equivalent of remembering the oven was still on. Or something. He sighed. It was a place to start.

He was hit in the head by a hoodie, followed by a yell from Snotlout. “Catch! Pff, loser.” Hiccup decided not to say anything when his friend reached into the bag of chips and ate a few, before inspecting his hand and scrunching up his face in disgust. “Ew, dog slobber! Hookfang, you shit dog!” The shit dog wasn’t impressed by its owner’s disgust, staying on the armchair without a care in the world. “Now get off my chair!”

When the dog didn’t move, Hiccup sharply whistled and pointed down at his feet with a stern face. “Hookfang, come here!” After a few moments of intense eye contact, Hookfang actually gave in and followed the command, lying down at Hiccup’s feet, much to Snotlout’s dismay.

“Hey! Why are you listening to him?! You betrayed me, you son of a bitch dog!”

“You know, technically, he is the son of a bitch.”

“Shut up, Hiccup. I need that jacket back by tonight.”

Hiccup took in the chipped flame print on the sleeves. The jacket itself was too wide for him, but the sleeves were way too short. He probably looked like an idiot. “What for?”

“I want to wear it to work tomorrow. There’s this girl that likes that stuff.”

“You mean oversized clothes for kids? Didn’t you wear this back in school?”

“It’s retro! Whatever, she digs it. So give it back later, okay? I really need it.”

He shrugged. “Sure. Thanks anyway. I bet you didn’t have any other jacket you could lend me.”

“I’m not gonna give you my fine stuff. You wouldn’t be able to handle the swag, anyway.”

“What swag, Snotlout?” Before his friend could dive into that age-old discussion again, Hiccup held up his hands to stop him. “Save it, I gotta go.”

“Where?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Bye, Snot. Hookfang, listen to Snotlout. Whatever. Thanks again for the help!”

He had grabbed his umbrella and was out the door before the dog could follow him or Snotlout could dig for more details. He didn’t have time for that right now. There was a place he needed to go and there was no time to waste. Realizing he could have asked for a ride, or at least for a short ride to his own car, he slapped his hand against his forehead, breaking into a jog.

Every few minutes, a short drizzle broke out of the clouds, and Hiccup felt taken back in time to a certain rainy November day. Time was of importance just like it had been then, but today, he was determined to catch her in time and not let go. Unless she wanted him to, which he hoped she didn’t, but now that he thought about it, maybe she needed to be away from him and concentrate on the relationship she wanted to keep. Winded, he slowed to a stop and leaned against a traffic light at an intersection. The next bus stop was just down the road.

Checking the schedule on the wall of the bus shelter, he sat down on the narrow bench underneath and waited. With a sigh of relief, he found his city ticket in his wallet. The hoodie and exercise had warmed him up enough and he made sure no water would drip out of his hair and run down his neck.

What if the roles were reversed this time? What if she – and he tried to not get his hopes up – had plunged deeper into this connection between them and now needed to sever all ties to him in order to not lose her mind? That he could relate to.

He got to his feet the moment the bus rounded the corner. If her decision really ended up to break contact, he would still find her and talk to her first. For his own attempt at closure, at least. He’d know he at least tried this time, and didn’t give up at the last minute because the mountains in his way were too steep to climb.

He had to change busses twice until he got out two streets over from her parents’ place. Using the short pause between drizzles, he made it to the driveway, eyes darting around in search for her car. It wasn’t there. His stomach dropped and he felt his heart beat in his throat as he walked to the front door and rang the bell. He would leave no stone unturned; he was all in.

The door opened and Wilma Hofferson curiously raised her eyebrows at the sight of him, disheveled and wet from the rain, wearing an unfitting hoodie.

“Hi,” he nervously greeted. “Is Astrid here, by any chance?”

Wilma shook her head. “Last I saw her she was leaving to meet someone for lunch earlier, I assumed it was you.”

“Oh.”

“Seems like I assumed wrong. Have you tried her phone?”

He could have slapped himself. Her phone. He could just call her, for fuck’s sake! “No- no, you were right, she was with me. But then she left and now I’m trying to find her, but seems like she went home home, so never mind. Sorry for bothering you!”

Mind already recalling her phone number, he left a bewildered Wilma behind and jogged back to the bus stop. He scanned the schedule, but he had no clue where he should go. He didn’t even know her address. Tapping his right foot on the ground in a quick pace, he tried to get his racing thoughts in order.

“Alright, Hiccup,” he mumbled to himself, “what’s the plan here? How can you solve this?”

Call her and ask for her address? No, that was stupid, and also inconvenient. He could just ask her to meet him somewhere.

Call her and talk on the phone? Also no. This was a conversation to have face to face.

Call Heather to ask Dagur for Eret’s number or address? Yeah. Great idea, Hiccup. Call your ex to ask her brother for your almost-lover’s husband’s number. Just call her yourself, you idiot.

But when he pulled out his phone and stared at her contact info, the knot in his stomach grew tighter. It all came down to this phone call. It was easy, actually. He just had to press call, wait for her to pick up, then convince her to meet him for a very important conversation.

He was frozen where he stood, the steady sound of rain on the bus shelter’s roof like white noise in his ears. His heart was pounding, growing bigger and bigger in his chest, pushing against his lungs until he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Ripping his gaze away from his phone, he took a few deep breaths and started walking, absentmindedly opening his umbrella.

His hand was clenched around his phone, the chipped corner of the screen digging the reminder into his skin that he was avoiding his task. It was just a call. A call he needed to make. But when he imagined her answering, his mind went blank. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to make sure he didn’t screw this up?

Confront your fear, he heard Dr. Mala’s voice inside his head. Examine it, analyze it, confront it. What’s the worst that could happen?

Well, for starters, he could stutter around for so long that she hung up on him. She could tell him she didn’t want to talk to him. She could ignore his call altogether.

He clenched his jaw in determination. Well, then he would try again! He would find a way to reach her, he would even make an ass of himself by showing up on her parents’ doorstep every day until she either talked to him or told him to fuck off. No more avoiding, no more hiding behind fears of rejection and hurt. That wouldn’t get him anywhere.

The phone was already pressed against his ear and signaling an outgoing call before he could drive himself mad by going over what exactly he would say. Sometimes, he just had to approach the dragon without the axe. Maybe it was friendly.

After twenty eternal seconds, he realized she wasn’t going to pick up. Before his mind could start making up ridiculous reasons for that, he firmly told himself to try again in exactly fifteen minutes. In the meantime, he would just walk around Berk in the rain in his friend’s hideous jacket, definitely failing at not preparing what exactly he would say when he tried her again. But if he already didn’t give a shit about his appearance, there was no way he would avoid the call anymore, either. And hey, if she told him she wouldn’t be friends with him anymore, for whatever reason, then at least he knew where he stood.

That didn’t stop him from drumming his fingers against his leg at every red traffic light, though, or keeping up a quick walking pace because he needed to dump his nervous energy somewhere. By the time his phone signaled him the fifteen minutes were up, he had to orient himself for a minute because he’d walked to a part of town he didn’t immediately recognize. But he decided it wasn’t important where he was right now, and pulled up Astrid’s number again.

His mind conjured up an image of Cam with that Shia LaBeouf video he liked to play in every situation. Just do it! Yeah, Heather’s boyfriend was truly something.

“Just do it,” he mumbled, repeating the sentence seven times in a row before he finally pressed the call button.

It rang.

And rang.

And rang.

Twenty seconds later, it was still ringing, but he didn’t give up this time. Either she picked up or he reached her voicemail.

When the signal suddenly disappeared, his breath caught in his throat. But the voice that appeared was automatic, asking him to leave a message. So he did.

“Hey… It’s me. Hiccup. I- I don’t- I’m just calling because…” He took a deep breath. “I need to talk to you. We need to talk. About… About everything. Like, earlier, when you, you know, left – I probably don’t need to remind you. You said you needed to go home, and I know you meant home to Eret because I was at your parents’ house and you weren’t there, so. Um.” He sighed and ran a hand over his face. He should have just texted her. Then he could have carefully constructed a coherent message instead of this all-over-the-place rambling.

“Like I said, I really have to talk to you. There is something I need to tell you, something I should have told you a long time ago, but I can’t do this over the phone, that would be… Can- can you just call me back? I don’t know where you live and you didn’t say when you would be back or what you were up to, and you’re not answering your phone, obviously, so.” His legs were moving on autopilot, crossing streets, rounding corners. The motion was like water that kept the mill running, namely his sanity. If he stopped walking, he would stop talking.

“You know, maybe I should just get to the point. We- we need to talk about us. I- I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel like there’s something between us and… And maybe I’m way off here and misinterpreting– No. No, I actually don’t think that it’s just me, because today, you almost kissed me. I almost kissed you. And I need to know why, I need to know where we stand with each other, because… Because…” His lips kept moving, but no sound came out. A truck drove by him and honked. Hiccup winced and a switch went off in his brain.

“I’m in love with you,” he blurted out and his heart stopped for a few beats. “I’ve been in love with you since I met you and- and there’s nothing I can do about it. Believe me, I tried. Remember when I showed up at your wedding and told you we shouldn’t be friends? Yeah, that worked out well.” An awkward laugh escaped him. “I don’t know what you want, either from me or- or from yourself, or your- your husband… But I want to get out of this limbo of trying to forget you and falling back under your spell every time you so much as look at me. It’s like… It’s like you dropped an anchor in me and the tide buried it deeper and deeper in the sand – if that even makes any sense, I just– I can’t go on like this. If there is any chance you feel the same, please call me back. If not, if you’re going to take my advice and resolve things with Eret, then I’m happy for you. But I can’t be your friend anymore. I… I need a clear answer from you.”

Abruptly, his feet grinded to a halt in the middle of the sidewalk. Tires screeched behind him and a biker angrily cursed at him, but he didn’t even register it. “I guess… With you going home so fast, you probably decided to patch things up with your husband, and I guess that’s my answer. Or maybe not, what do I know, my judgement can’t be trusted, I once thought I’d be able to get over you. Anyway, when you hear this– Oh fuck, do you even check your voicemails? Well, if you do, just… Call. Or text. Um… Yeah. Bye.”

He ended the call and sunk to the ground underneath a lamp post, ignoring the unpleasant feeling of rain and dirt dampening his butt. Only when something cold ran down his back, did he notice it was still raining. He’d been so absorbed in his message that he hadn’t even noticed he’d been holding the umbrella askew, and now his left arm was soaked, the hand holding his phone cold and stiff. When he got back to his feet, he accidentally knocked it against the post and the device went flying, landing in a nearby puddle.

“Fuck.” Before the next pedestrian could step on it, he scrambled to get it back, infinitely glad he’d bought the waterproof version. But when he wiped it on Snotlout’s jacket and took a closer look, he groaned. There was a large crack zigzagging over the screen, and on first inspection, it looked like it went deeper than the protection glass. He tried to unlock it, but it didn’t react to his touch anymore. “Fuck!”

Great, now he had to find a repair store that was still open in Berk on a Sunday evening. Hopefully, he would be able to still accept incoming calls… He cursed his clumsiness with vigor. This was so typical. When – if – she tried to reach him now, she wouldn’t be able to. Maybe she’d leave him a voicemail asking him to call her back and they would find themselves stuck in an endless, vicious cycle.

Where the hell had he ended up, anyway? It looked like he was in a suburb, but none of the streets looked familiar to him, and when he pulled out his phone to check his location, he groaned. Right, smartphone not available. But if he could find a bus stop, he could make his way back into the city. Or he could go back to the Hoffersons and ask for a ride. That wouldn’t be awkward at all.

After a while of walking around and finally asking a passing dog-walker for directions, he found a bus stop and quickly scanned the schedule. He’d made it to the end of the route of the only bus line that even came out here. And it being Sunday, he was just lucky that the next bus would be here in no less than 52 minutes, because he had, of course, just missed the previous one. He could walk back, but that would take just as long, and also his feet hurt. These shoes weren’t made for long walks through puddles. At least it had stopped raining.

So he waited. And waited. And played around with his stupid phone for a while, but it just wouldn’t magically work again, no matter how much he begged it to. After 50 minutes of waiting, it suddenly started buzzing – and his heart climbed into his throat when he saw the caller ID. He tapped the screen frantically, but it was to no avail. His last resort was to try the lock button and hope it would accept the call, but instead, it did the exact opposite. Absolutely fucking awesome, now she probably thought he’d declined her call on purpose. And where was the damn bus?!

The calls kept coming in, but there was nothing he could do except stare at his phone in resignation and jiggle his legs nervously because the bus wasn’t coming. Fifteen minutes and four awkward short conversations with passing strangers later, he embraced the fact that no one would lend him their phone for a very quick call, or a text, anything. There was no way he would wait around for another hour.

Grabbing his umbrella and starting the journey in the direction he hoped would lead him back home, he glanced suspiciously at the dark line of clouds on the horizon. The sunset was beautiful, though. If only he could enjoy it.

Soon enough, it was pouring again. And the calls stopped.

#httyd #hiccstrid #fanfiction #hiccup haddock #snotlout jorgenson #astrid hofferson #when lightning strikes #modern au #a bit of angst with a dash of drama #or the other way around #maja writes #ff #fanfic #how to train your dragon

[sandfordsmostwanted]

Star Wars College AU Headcanons - Prequel Edition (+ Ahsoka)

Anakin 1. Is a scholarship student, and is determined to make the faculty regret that decision, by wearing pyjamas to each and every lecture (that he bothers to attend). 2. Never studies for exams, but somehow always aces them. 3. Diet consists entirely of take-out and Red Bull (sometimes protein shakes if he’s feeling healthy). 4. Part of at least three school sports teams and a dedicated gym lad. 5. Watches true crime documentaries until 3 in the morning and then can’t sleep. 6. The only one who can drive. 7. Only drinks the most obnoxiously sugary and neon-coloured alcopops. 8. Volunteers at the local homeless shelter and takes it surprisingly seriously. 9. Applies for extensions after assignments are due because he’s “just really going through it right now”. 10. Hacks into the school computers to change all the backgrounds to Nicholas Cage on April Fool’s Day (and secretly gives all the final year students free printing credit). Padme 1. Has an immaculate stationary collection including a perfect rainbow of pastel highlighters. 2. Always does the extra reading, and sets up study groups to discuss the course and swap notes. 3. Spends her entire allowance on a pair of Gucci shoes and lives on ramen for the rest of the month. 4. Sorority sister who knows almost everyone on campus, and somehow remembers everyone’s birthday, including the cleaners. 5. Has about eight photos on her Instagram with her posing on a staircase with a glass of prosecco. 6. Hosts a weekly Stitch-And-Bitch where students can come and have some snacks and tea and talk about how they’re feeling whilst knitting; Obi-Wan is a big fan.  7. Student Council representative who goes to every meeting with a binder full of collected grievances. 8. Has a study blog where she shares her technique for getting perfect grades, and her impeccable skincare routine. 9. Plans political protests with Bail and Satine in her spare time. 10. Gets pregnant at the end of her final year but keeps going and brings her newborn twins to graduation to hear her valedictorian speech. Obi-Wan 1. Incredibly frazzled postgraduate; has like 3 jobs + teaching assistant duties + his course work. 2. Dresses like a professor even though he’s still a student – tweed jacket with elbow patches, leather satchel and shoes, sweater vests in every colour of the rainbow. 3. Drinks “tea” but half of the time it’s just whiskey in a travel mug (the other half is when Qui-Gon buys him some fancy brew from the campus café). 4. Somehow always has perfect hair.   5. Spends hours in the library but never seems to find what he’s looking for. 6. Submits his assignments five minutes before they’re due because he was up all night proof-reading someone else’s. 7. Is a vegetarian for “ethical reasons” (aka because of Satine and Qui-Gon) but ends up stress eating chicken nuggets with Anakin biweekly. 8. Is in the club at 3am and the student council meeting at 8am, looking none the worse for wear. 9. Walks around in a blanket/dressing gown during finals week, mumbling to himself and reading flashcards. 10. Halfway through term you realise he’s been doing a double major this entire time. Ahsoka 1. Only wears gym clothes, even in the dead of winter. 2. Makes notes in gel pen then gets annoyed when they smudge. 3. Will argue with the obnoxious smart kid for half the class. 4. Has the coolest collection of colourful hijabs and wears them with pride. 5. Owns fifteen water bottles but keeps losing them. 6. Gets tattoos because she’s bored but the work always looks super beautiful. 7. Works part time as a barista so knows everyone’s coffee order but no-one’s name. 8. Kisses her girlfriend in front of homophobic professors. 9. Makes box brownies whenever her friends are sad and brings them to study sessions in the little flimsy cardboard box. 10. Is best friends with the campus cat and takes photos with it every time she sees it. Qui-Gon 1. The Dad Professor who everyone comes to when they’re worried.   2. Incredible teacher but his academic papers are just… incomprehensible.   3. Takes students outside for classes that turn into walking tours of the campus where he points out all the foliage and local features. 4. Doesn’t reply to emails because it’s “bad for the environment” so will just appear behind you with answers to your question. 5. Accent will send you to sleep if you have an early/late lecture. 6. Has eighteen pot plants all over his office and sometimes carries a little cactus in his pocket. 7. Office is up four flights of stairs and at the very end of the corridor because he “likes the view” (i.e. the rest of the department are sick of his shit and need the space). 8. Owns the campus cat and it comes with him to and from home by curling up in the little basket on the front of his bicycle. 9. Has about fifteen boxes of tea just around his office and a biscuit tin that’s always full. 10. Is the local weed dealer on the dl.

#star wars #star wars prequels #star wars college au #star wars modern au #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #ahsoka tano #qui gon jinn #let me know if you want to see more

[bekahdoesnerdshit]

no one else has reblogged ask meme Mondays so I'm just going fucking apeshit with u. from the big boy: b7 for raini bc it's funny, c1 for cog bc it's inchresting, h3 for brilliance bc I know there's some gay shit going on and I want to hear more, then a17 (character proud of themselves or ur proud of ur rp as them) L5 and L6 for whomsoever u want to talk about

I won’t need a readmore for this one, I tell myself. There’s not that many questions, and they’re not proseboys. I was a fool. She’s too long to be allowed to run on people’s dashboards unrestrained 😔 Thank you! For going apeshit!!

Raini

B7. How do they respond to babies crying in public? I guarantee the image you have for how Raini would react to a crying baby is 10000% correct. She’s unhappy. Uncomfortable. Unimpressed. Can you please make that thing be quiet. Why did you have it if you can’t mange it. This is why she’s never having kids. Like she’s not gonna say anything to the parents or shoot them dirty looks, because she’s not that specific flavor of asshole, but she’s going Mind Her Business and vacate the premises if possible. People who want to take care of something should just get a cat. Goddamn. There is ONE (1) baby that may qualify for an exception, and that’s Red. This is because (and please, picture Raini, the absolute picture of ‘fed up’, squatting down to look a fussy Red in the eye while she says this) “Baby Lent. You’re better than this. I know you are, and you’re letting me down. You need to stop making that noise.” This is unrelated to the question, but please also picture a Raini who was asked (blackmailed?) into babysitting using her Mage Hand to change Red’s diaper. It has nothing to do with the question but I think it’s a Very funny mental image. Thank you.

Cog

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it? Absolutely! The way Cog approaches the world is defined by three main mantras: - Kindness is a discipline, not a character trait. - Doing the right thing isn’t always easy, but it is always worth doing. - If you are able to help someone, you have an obligation to do so. Between these three things, Cog sees the world in pretty black and white terms. There are right decisions, and wrong ones. The difference between the two is usually clear to anyone who cares to look, and so most of the evil in the world is born of selfishness. Consequently, Cog does very poorly in morally grey situations. She will commit without hesitation to any course of action that she deems “right” and “kind” no matter how drastic or dangerous it is, but she pretty much shuts down the second she’s faced with a decision that has consequences for someone regardless of what she does.  I’m sure that has not, and will not, come in her life ever at all. Ahah!  I think originally, this worldview was born of naivety. She grew up that religious kind of super sheltered where everything in the secular world was dangerous and dirty, and so when Cog began to realize that definitely wasn’t the case she made the choice to intentionally see the best in people and the world around her to fight what she was told growing up. When she started traveling with her party and actually seeing more of the world than the extremes of a) shitty cult town b) shiny clean magic school, she began to realize that the true state of the Wasteland was somewhere between what her Mama had told her and what she wanted to believe it was. But I’ve never in my life made a character who is stubborn as hell deep down, so instead of letting the world she found herself in change her Cog took a deep breath, rolled up her sleeves, and settled in to be the one changing it by loving and helping the people around her.

Brilliance

H3. Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right? I think Brilliance absolutely adores the idea of two people being made for one another. Two souls, wandering the world looking for one another? Who slot together so perfectly that when they find each other it’s clear they never could have fit anywhere else? Bruh. Yes, she knows love takes work. Sometimes you and your partner are going to disagree, and sometimes there’s going to be conflict. The world isn’t “love at first sight” then smooth sailing for the rest of your life. But you put in the work to make your lives better, together, because the universe gave you this person to care for. Maybe there are many people who you could be happy with, and those relationships aren’t anything to look down on. But when you find The One, Brilliance thinks, you know. She certainly did.

Don’t Worry About It

A17. What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves? Gonna hijack this question to talk about rp moments I’m proud of because Alex sorta kinda gave me permission to do that! Alright! For Raini, the biggest rp moment I’m proud of was her “I’m getting our memories back” speech a few sessions ago, specifically the line, “We’ve been fighting with one hand tied behind our backs for too long. If we’re going to die fighting this thing, I want to know exactly what I’m fighting for.” Morgan and I had been planning to kick off our return from July Hell Hiatus with Wish Two for a couple of days, which meant I was lucky enough to be able to spend a little while planning what to say. I feel like that line in particular embodies Raini’s unwavering confidence in her magic, her determination, and her specific brand of caring for the people around her without actually admitting that’s what she’s doing. I also really liked the way the scene of her apologizing to the party for being Bitchy post losing Magic for a minute went! Idk if anyone else remembers it, because it was pretty short in game, but! I thought it was a very good moment of Raini finding the most Roundabout way to say “thank you for looking out for me while I was defenseless”.  If I can pat myself on the back a little, my Cog monologues kick Ass. The most recent one was when she was talking to Ace about how War is Bad (radical, I know) and there was a moment where she looked at him and said, “...I’m not going to ask for your help, because I don’t know what I’ll do if I do and you say no.” Which. OOF. That was her and I realizing in real time that she and Ace were very much on different sides of this issue. When the session ended everyone said they Loved how good and hurtful that conversation was and I :’) Also, there was a really small moment when Cog was pleading for Maelo’s life (when Sunny’s dad had him locked in a cat carrier. It’s a Long story, made slightly better by the fact that Maelo was wildshaped into a cat at the time) and Cog went Straight for the dad heartstrings by sniffling and asking if, please, would Robert at least let her say goodbye to her friend before he killed him? Please? 😢  She is using her baby face for EVIL!  And oh my god how could I forget! Arcane Timeout! When the party went back to New Alexandria and was confronted by Ace for helping a prisoner escape (which, in fairness, Maelo did do) and Cog brought the encounter screeching to a halt by casting Wall of Stone to make a timeout hut with herself and Ace inside. She then sat herself down, looked Ace dead in the eye, and told him that the wall wasn’t coming down until he actually talked to her, or until he broke her concentration on the spell. She banked hard on him not being willing to hurt her, and it paid off. There were tears all around, both in and out of character. It was Wonderful. Also! I do just want recognition for the fact that I did not give into my impulses to be a little Shit as Cog last session by subtle casting Heal in Ace’s face after he Counterspelled my Healing Word. it was what I Rebekah wanted to do more than anything; unfortunately Cog is a better person than I am. There is No worse feeling than wanting so badly to do something you have no choice but to admit isn’t in character. Rip.  For whatever reason, all of my favorite Brilliance rp moments came during combat. Pressing her forehead to Sabre’s after he died in silent grief, forcefully taking a Narzugon off his Nightmare and then using Misty Step to mount it herself and take off after her friend, planting herself in the chokepoint of a hallway to stare down three minotaurs so she could keep her party safe behind her, pushing deeper into the hellwasp nest to rescue Dembe and Sabre despite knowing that doing so all but destroyed her chance of making it out alive, the list goes on. There were good out of combat moments too (despite the rest of the party’s best efforts 🙄), but I feel like for once I made a character who really shone in combat.  oh GOD I just remembered one really really good rp moment, when our rogue Zihro died when he got separated from the party during combat. We finished taking care of the main devil we were fighting, then began searching the dungeon for Zihro and the npc he was with. We, instead, found both of their corpses. Dembe looked to Brilliance, our healer, and demanded to know why she was just standing there instead of fixing their friend. We were only level three or four at the time, so Brilliance had to tell Dembe, again and again, that she couldn’t fix Zihro. It was too late, she wasn’t powerful enough yet, her goddess wouldn’t answer a prayer like that- It was a rough scene, and without question one of the best rp moments I’ve had with that group. Tae, if you’re reading this, you’re the only one with rights. Also, please unfollow this blog immediately.  Now as a quick pick-me-up after that mess, Pip’s best rp moment was when our barbarian Durokal -who couldn’t read and had a habit of running off and causing Problems- found a plaque he could tell had five words on it, and called Pip over to read it for him when Pip finished chasing him down. Pip, annoyed and out of breath and all of two feet tall, looked up at this 7 foot half-orc and told him, “It says: I’m. Gonna. Kick. Your. Ass.” Also, he regularly called very powerful figures in Barovia by sweet nicknames with “Mr.” in the front. As a sign of Respect. Because he’s the Best. sdfhsdkfj he also he couldn’t think of a fake name quick enough one time so he told an npc that is name was Dick and he was Very embarrassed about it. She: bought it!

Brilliance, Again

L5. Which OC do you think is the most decent morally or behaviorally?  AKA, which is supposed to a “good guy”? The answer is Cog, but we already went in depth on her morals this ask. She’s HAD enough screen time let’s move on. Brilliance is the only other character who, if asked, would say they saw themselves as a good guy instead of just “a person”. She strives to do right by the people around her, and to protect the light and beauty found in the world. She doesn’t have the same illusions about the world wanting to be a good place that Cog does, and she very much understands that sometimes the best thing you can do for the world is to put the things that make it dangerous six feet under. What’s interesting I think is that, despite being a paladin, she isn’t Lawful Good! She’s Neutral Good, because you know what? She wants to do the right thing, and laws aren’t always right. It’s up to you, as a person with a mind and free will and agency, to look at a situation and decide what you think is the right thing to do. And, for Brilliance, generally the right thing to do is heft her sword, raise her shield, and face trouble head on.

Raini, Once More

L6. Which OC do you think is the worst morally or behaviorally? AKA, which is supposed to be a “bad guy”? I don’t have any evil aligned characters, because I personally find things like “getting along with my party members” sexy, but the character who’s the shittiest and the worst is obviously Raini. She’s not a bad person per say, she’s just selfish and results oriented. Very much “the ends justify the means” and in a party like hers she’s aware that somebody has to be the bad guy sometimes, and she’s not afraid to make sure that’s her. She’s also very very likely to fall victim to her hubris making her feel like she definitely knows what’s best, and acting on that maybe without consulting other people (see: the whole fucking premise of the campaign). She sees a goal, she sees a way to accomplish that goal, so why shouldn’t she begin taking the necessary steps to reach it? I think the events of the game have mellowed this flaw out a little bit, but you can still see traces of it in the way she, for example, wordlessly handed Lent a bunch of diamonds before launching her consciousness into the Abeast and very nearly dying in there without consulting with the party first. It happens!  Also, behaviorally, she’s just. I mean. She’s like that. The worst. And that, I promise, will never change. 

#syn-odics #Rainivere #amnesia campaign #cog #wasteland campaign #brilliance #dia #word count: 2273 #new tag! just for my own personal edification #answered #mine

[j0ebay]

Kiss Me Goodbye... Chapter 1

Warning(s): swearing, violence, this is probably trash tbh

Word Count: 2129

A/N: IT’S HERE IT’S HERE IT’S FINALLY HERE!!!! I literally wrote half of this over the course of two very busy days and pulled the rest out of my ass in an all nighter oops I have a parade today I’m really stoked this chapter is finally out so enjoy and feedback is deeply appreciated!! 💙💙

series masterlist

add yourself to my taglist!!

synopsis     chapter 2

an extra thank you to @starksmile for the amazing moodboard!!!

“Now he’s gone. I don't know why and to this day sometimes I cry. He didn’t even say goodbye. He didn’t take the time to lie” -Nancy Sinatra

“You need a refill, George?” Asks the green eyed, burgundy haired woman as she quickly rounded the corner of the counter. Morning rush for her was always such an exciting time, due to her love of people, both newcomers and regulars.

“If it’s not too much trouble for you, Lindsey. You’re always so busy.” The older man replies back, sitting on a bar stool and pushing his empty mug towards her.

Lindsey laughs while picking up a coffee pot and pouring it, causing the dark liquid to pour out.

“Too much trouble? It’s my job to make sure you’re good!” She pushes her glasses further up on her nose. The man sips his coffee while she races around grabbing things needed for other customers.

“Order up!” a voice from the kitchen yells. Lindsey speeds over to the window saying a quick

“Thanks Marty!” before taking the food, putting it on a tray and walking it over to a couple in their mid sixties

“I got a waffle platter with scrambled eggs and a fruit bowl for Miss Kathy and a pancake stack with poached eggs and hashbrowns for the one and only Franklin” She says placing the plates to the respective people and turns the tray into her abdomen, crossing her arms over it.

“Anything else I can get for you folks? More water?”

The two smile at her before Franklin says

“No, Lindsey we’re really great thanks.”

She smiles and nods.

“Alright, you two, well you let me know if you need anything alright? How are the kids doing?”

The two smile at the mention of their children

“Well, Matt is finishing up university and he just got accepted into medical school and Darcy just got engaged to her boyfriend last night”

The young girl grins at their excitement.

“Oh my gosh that’s amazing!”

“How’s your show going?” Kathy asks

“We hear a lot about those kids of yours”

She giggles and brushes the hair out of her face.

“Well it’s not really my show it’s all the kids but, they’re doing great! It’s really amazing to see how far they’ve come and how devoted they are. Plus the show’s actually pretty cool”

They both look at her with amazement.

“You really are devoted, you put in so many hours here and with those kids and then at the shelter too! How old are you again?”

“I just turned 22 a few weeks ago”

She hears the order bell ding again and waves at the couple while walking back to the counter

The blue eyed man rubs his face with his hands as he looks over the files. So much information racked his mind and he was hitting a wall. He directs his attention upward at the sound of a knocking door.

“Yeah what” The man said.

Another guy enters saying “Anderson hasn’t paid up and yesterday was the deadline”

The blue eyed man leans back in his desk chair, sighing and running his hand through his light brown curls.

“‘S Tom back yet?”

The other man shakes his head.

“Okay,” He sits up, resting his elbows in his lap and putting his face in his hands.

“Let me know when he does.”

“Alright, Haz”

The door closes as the other man leaves as the blue eyed man sighs, runs his hand through his hair once more and gets out of his chair and walks out of his office. Closing the door behind him, he looks at the name on the door

Harrison Osterfield

He smirks to himself, reflecting on the amount of power and authority he has. He walks over to the door that says Harry Holland and lightly knocks while already entering the office.

“Hey, mate Anderson didn’t pay up so I gotta go do some form of beatdown tonight. You in?”

Harry reflects the same smirk on Harrison’s face and nods.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been out and about. Let’s do it”

“Hey Lindsey can you help me out for a sec?”

Lindsey snaps out of her thoughts and turns her head to see another volunteer carrying three bags of dog food piled on top of each other. She smiles and walks over from the help desk to the front door grabbing two of the bags and slowly walking them over to the food room. Along with working at the diner and helping out in the marching band, she also helps out at the dog shelter.

“Jeez Lindsey you’ve got some muscle there!” The two girls laugh.

“Yeah well I grew up around guys that we’re pretty much my brothers so I’m kinda used to it”

They both laugh again and Lindsey sits herself back at her desk, taking out her phone to text her roommate.

Lindsey Fuller😋 Friendly reminder I’m not gonna be home til like 9:30-10:00ish cause there’s band so do whatever for dinner and you don’t need to wait up for me 😁

Immediately, her phone buzzes back with

Grace Moore🌷 Thanks for the heads up. Have fun with your kids

Lindsey smiles at the message. She never really considered the kids to be hers but everyone else did so she rolled with it. As she gazes at the clock, then at the door, she decides she has enough time to go over notes on things the kids need to work on tonight.

As the sun set, the boys were getting antsy, Tom wanted his damn money, Haz wanted to do his job and Harry? Harry just wanted something to do.

“I don’t see why we can’t just go right now.”

Tom chuckles, looking at his brother with raised eyebrows.

“You’re always so jittery Harry just shut up and wait ‘til he’s alone”

Harry groans and the two older boys laugh. They see their target walk into the warehouse.

“Let’s go boys” Tom mumbles as the three step out of the shadows and into the warehouse the man known as “Anderson” walked into.

Harrison finds the guy first, alone in the room and blocks the doorway. Harry soon follows, blocking the doorway from the other side. Tom stayed back, wanting to make an intimidating entrance. He does need to make an impression after all. Anderson still doesn’t notice the guys presence until Harrison clears his throat. Anderson turns his head, eyes wide once he catches a glimpse of who made the noise and instantly starts walking towards the other doorway. Harry laughs, leaning on the door frame and saying

“You didn’t actually think we’d let you get away that easily, now did you?”

“I-I”

Tom emerges from the darkness.

“Where’s my fucking money, Anderson?”

The man lets out a labored breath.

“T-Tom. I can explain”

Harrison steps forward, gearing up for what’s about to happen

“You can explain?” Tom asks with raised eyebrows.

“Cause that seems like a waste of my time. What do you think guys?” Harry smirks.

“I’d rather be home right now if we’re being honest”

Tom chimes in again. “And Haz over here? Haz is looking for a girl. He could be out doing that kinda thing right now!”

Harrison raises his eyebrows and tilts his head in agreement. He isn’t wrong.

Anderson stutters as the three of them move closer and closer, closing in on him.

“I-If it’s girls you want, I have a niece about your age and I think you might like her-” “-That’s pretty sick, mate” Haz cutts him of.

“You would be willing to give us your niece, the flesh and blood of your sibling, so you can get out of some fucking money?”

Harrison swings and lands a punch to the man’s stomach.

Anderson doubles over in pain mumbling a raspy

“Th-that’s not what i meant. I-”

He gets cut off by a knee to the gut, knocking him to the floor, groaning.

Tom squats down to his level, taking Anderson’s face in his hands.

“Now, it’s still fairly early in the night and my guys and I, well, we got shit to do. So, you’re gonna make this nice and simple for me. I’m gonna ask you a question and you’re gonna show me yes,”

He stops to forcefully nod the man’s head, squishing his cheeks.

“Or no.”

Tom shakes Anderson’s Anderson’s head, signaling no.

“You understand me?”

Anderson nods his head, sweat dripping from his forehead indicating fear.

“Alright, Anderson. Do you have my money?”

There’s a pause, even more tension fills the air and the man  slowly shakes his head.

“No?” Tom asks.

He looks at Haz and Harry.

“Well, at least he’s being honest.”

The three of them smile but then Harry interjects

“But, I mean it’s already a bad idea to take out a loan from the biggest mob boss in London, let alone not pay it back. I feel like lying would make everything worse. Wouldn’t you think Tom?”

Tom shrugs and nods, soon asking.

“So, what should we do with him then?”

Immediately, Anderson starts begging

“Please, Mr. Holland I’ll do anything. Just give me one more week. I can give my brother a call and set you and your friend up if that’s what you really want.”

The three guys roll their eyes before Harrison takes out his gun, pointing it at the man.

“I have an idea” he says, smirking.

The begging intensifies as Harrison cocks his gun.

“You sick son of a bitch. You could’ve given us the money that you owe us but instead, you find out that I just so happened to be kinda not really looking for a girl and you offer up your own family? I’m not even related to those two and they treat me better.”

He says, gesturing towards Tom and Harry with his gun.

“Please, Mr.Osterfield. I’m sorry!”

Harrison sighs.

“If only your niece could see you now”

Bang

“Nice rim shot at the end snares!” Lindsey says as she jogs back from where she was watching them.

“I would just say watch your heights on the sextuplet rolls, a good lot of you are accenting your right hand which is not what we need right now alright?”

She feels her phone buzz in her pocket and takes it out to see

Grace Moore🌷 Hey! Btw there’s a package here for you

Lindsey’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.

Lindsey Fuller😋 Go ahead and open it if it’s actually addressed to me… I don’t really remember ordering anything so it’s either some sort of surprise or a bomb.

She smiles at the message she sent and it immediately fades. She could’ve sworn she felt a pair of eyes on her. She cranes her head left and right, seeing nothing.

Her phone buzzes again.

Grace Moore🌷 It’s from the people living in your old house? They said they found an old scrapbook of yours and sent it along with a note… damn you were an adorable kid

“Ugh” Lindsey says to herself at the last part of the text. She looked around again, still getting the feeling that someone was watching her from a distance.

“Watch that roll snares! It sounds like blulululuah which is a bad thing!” She yells after the marching snare drummers.

Lindsey lets out a big yawn while looking at the time.

“Long night, Lindsey?” One of the drummers asks her.

She laughs.

“I can’t tell if you’re being sincere or if that’s part of the high school humor that i definitely do not miss since graduating.”

The younger boy smiles and says

“Honestly, it was a bit of both but all of us here know you stretch yourself pretty thin.”

She laughs again.

“Yeah, nothing caffeine and a kickass show can’t fix though”

Lindsey arrives at her apartment to see her old scrapbook and a note sitting on the kitchen table.

“Hi Lindsey! We found this scrapbook in a box in the attic, saw your name in the inside cover and decided it would be a good idea to mail it to you! I hope all is well wherever you are!

-Phyllis and Clifford Sullivan”

She flips through the book, reflecting on the memories she and her friends made of her childhood. Two families in particular come to mind right away. Constant sleepovers with the two boys her age, playing cowboy or football with them and exchanging smiles. Along with the memories of the two families, a song comes to mind. It was sung to her on so many occasions by one woman and only one woman. She would push the red hair out of her face and lightly comb Lindsey’s brown and sing

“I was five and he was six. We rode on horses made of sticks.”

Lindsey soon sang to herself softly.

“He wore black and I wore white. He would always win the fight.

Bang Bang.”

TAGLIST

strikethrough means it wouldn't let me tag you. please message me!!

Everything:

@og-baby-ob14 @were-all-gay-down-here @softiespidey @saturn-aka-six @theasexualbunny @random-stuff-18

Harrison Osterfield:

@upsidedownparker @mischiefmanaged49

#kiss me goodbye #mob!harrison osterfield #mob!haz #mob au #harrison osterfield #haz osterfield #mob!haz x oc #chapter 1 #new fic #new series #au #alternate universe

[omgadventuretime-blog1]

Blog #1 - Jay (AG)

Hey everyone! My name for this blog is gonna be Jay, It’s not the name I use in class but it’s a name that feels like mine the same way my real name does.

My life growing up was, in all honesty, okay at best. I came from a middle class family without much financial worry, but I had a real difficult time dealing with depression for a number of bad circumstances that I had growing up. My parents are part of a hypercompetitive community of Bengali Indian people who’d immigrated to America, and my dad’s side of the family has prevalent gang influence in Calcutta among his cousins and their children. Although my dad managed to avoid that environment, and make it to the USA, it induced some trauma into him, and the stories I’d hear about things happening to my family back home would mess us up for a long time to come.

Both my parents grew to be incredibly overprotective of my brother and I. I grew up with some unhealthy restrictions placed on me from a very young age. I don’t resent them for it or anything, but throughout middle and high school, I wasn’t able to do things like watch tv shows, play games, go out with friends, unless it was set up by my parents to begin with. I had this restriction on me until the moment I left for college. Needless to say, it felt like shit to hop into conversations with people in middle and high school and be unable to talk about the latest episode of The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, The Office, and whatever else was popular. It definitely created a sense of exclusion and resulted in a wild inferiority complex that I had with all the other kids around me.

I had some extreme pressure on me to be academically ahead of the rest by like 5-6 years, and though my brother could do it, I always caved under the pressure, and often times get some ridiculous punishment for it.

Anyway, I grew up super sheltered and had problems with alcoholism starting at around 15 years old. My grades ended up mediocre, and my inferiority complex just got worse.

It wasn’t all bad, my mom and dad taught me to sing, and even though he had high standards for that as well, I made it my passion. I love singing with all my heart because it feels super natural to just project your emotions into words and melodies.

There’s a loooot of stuff I could talk, some I probably wouldn’t wanna talk about but I think you get the idea of the stuff I went through getting through K-12.

Coming to State was a really huge time for me to glow up and find the things that made me happy. I picked Computer science, mostly because of my parents, but I also think it’s a dope way to help the world by pushing the limits of technology and adding conveniency to the lives of people who need that extra bit of help. I haven’t really found an aspiration for my career, but I want to do something to help out lesser privileged communities.  

I found a community in PACE, found a girlfriend for a time, and made a lot of friends, all free of restrictions. I glowed up a lot over the course of 3 years, even though even more things have gone on with my family over this time.

This kinda turned into a life story about the bad stuff, but tbh, I learned so many valuable lessons and perspectives to keep myself humble and at peace. I’m still a sheltered boi that gets teased for never watching Silent Library but hey, it’s all good, I’m much more confident now and know my time to shine has yet to come.

The album covers are some of my favorite albums from some of my favorite artists that I’ve discovered

Lets be friends y’all, gn

[kellencclark]

Bittersweet Symphony (Part 3) || Kellen & Grace

When: April 27, 2021

Where: Coffee shop & Grace’s apartment, Santa Monica, California

Featuring: Grace Rothschild (dialogue provided by Tash @gracerothschild)

Triggers: N/A

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 4

She chewed on her lower lip before grabbing the seat belt and buckled in, looking over at him and laughed. “I will die of laughter if you burn the food.” Gracie teased, obviously giving him a hard time because she wanted to make things less stressful for both of them. “I have almost everything...but it also depends on what you’re going to cook.”

"I'll find a necromancer, bring you back to life, and kick your butt if you laugh," he joked, reaching over to tickle her side. "Honestly, I have no idea. I was just going to see what you had first then figure it out from there." He really didn't think this plan of his through and secretly hoped that she would abandon the idea in favor of fast food half-way through the drive.

“Ah so you’re unprepared huh? Someone a little nervous?” Gracie playfully mocked Kellen, giggling as she moved his hand away from her side, knowing fully well that he would tickle her until she couldn’t breathe. It was one of things she hated about being ticklish but at least he was there. “You could just admit you can’t cook.”

“Well yeah I’m unprepared. We only decided this was happening less than a minute ago.” He was nervous, but not for the reason she thought. He didn’t like that he was nervous to be alone with her, but that was the truth of the matter. “You could just admit that you’re a butthead,” he mocked.

“Oh we are name calling huh?” Gracie gaped at him, “You’re the butthead, you’re over here like ‘oh yes I can cook now’,” her voice lowering to mock him in which she ended up laughing. She was enjoying the atmosphere between them, although you could see they were still hesitant, she found herself slowly opening up again and could start seeing for the best of them.

“Yes, yes we are... Hey! I don’t sound like that!” He laughed at her impersonation. “You know, you can walk home, if you think I’m such a butthead.” He would never actually make her walk home, but that never stopped him from making joking threats. He started the car and turned the radio on to hear Sucker by The Jonas Brothers. “Did I ever tell you that Vito deadass loves the Jonas Brothers? Oh shit. I just fucking said ‘deadass.’ Kill me now.”

“It’s a gorgeous day, I would totally walk,” Grace replied, of course, she’d most likely call Trixie or Maya to come get her but she knew Kellen was joking. Hearing the information about Vito and Kellen’s new slang, she laughed even harder. “Oh my god...that’s when you know you hang around Vito a lot—are you trying to fit in with the younger kids?”

"It's gonna be dark soon though..." After all this time, he still felt protective over Gracie. Kellen knew that she was an adult woman and could take care of herself, yet he still had the overwhelming urge to keep her safe from the dangers of the world. "Oh fuck no. Teenagers fucking suck." He liked younger children, but teenagers annoyed him. Kelsie was a pre-teen now, and the thought of her becoming a bratty teen in a few years terrified him.

“I can agree with that, they’re rather rude as well, but we all were teenagers once. It’s the hormones.” Gracie waved it off, at least that’s how she assumed that most teenagers are. The only time she was a total brat was when her dad wouldn’t let her go out of town trip with her friends junior year of high school. Funny how times changed since then. “Isn’t your kid going to be a teenager soon, I heard the talk backs are worse.”

"Yeah, and I know what I was like as a teenager. I was an absolute menace to society. I would not wish that on anyone." It also didn't help that he was actively taking hard drugs and hanging out with people who encouraged his assholish behavior. "Don't remind me. If she's anything like her mom, she's gonna sass the hell out of me." He didn't even want to think of the possibility of Kelsie turning out like him. He felt she was smart enough not to make the same mistakes he made, and emotionally stable enough to not feel as though she needed to turn to substances to cope.

“Hey, with you and her mom as her parents. She won’t end up like that...she has a good support system so I think she would make the right choices.” Gracie reassured Kellen, knowing that he was probably worried about that the most. Kellen may seem like a menace, which he was, but she got to see another side of him that made her love him to this day. “I think things will turn out good.”

“I hope so. Her step-mom’s a pretty good influence too, I think.” While Cassie and and her fiancée, Mel, hadn’t officially tied the knot, Mel was very involved. He was lucky that he got along with his ex’s new partner. “I know I shouldn’t worry too much. She’s a good kid... But while we’re on the topic of teenagers, what were you like in high school?” Gracie was only a year younger than Kellen, but they never crossed paths until adulthood. At least, he didn’t remember meeting her before 2018.

Gracie turned her gaze away and intertwined her fingers in her lap, the thought of her in high school brought up some emotions and other feelings she hasn’t felt since she was sixteen to eighteen. Although her parents sheltered her a lot, mostly her father, due to her sisters wild tendencies, Gracie was the typical good student and daughter. “I wish I could say I had some cool stories to tell but sadly...I was a straight A student, never stayed out past curfew, never talked back to my parents unless it was over food choices,” she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “lost my virginity when I was seventeen because I wanted to experience the big deal but also I was pressured...my then boyfriend, who was on a baseball team...anyways...it was nothing special.”

Kellen silently listened to her answer, nodding along to show that he was paying attention. She had a much more normal high school experience that he did. He gripped the steering wheel tighter when she brought up her high school boyfriend. He didn't know which of her exes it was, but he had the urge to find the guy and sucker punch him. "You were good at school and had a good relationship with your parents. Those aren't bad things, you know. Maybe you could've used a good party or two to loosen you up, but other than that, seems like you had a pretty normal high school experience... This boyfriend though... Who was it? If you don't mind me asking. The lawyer or the chef?"

She nodded her head in thought, he had a point, she had a good high school experience but it was more due to less stress on her parents due to her sister. Gracie felt the corner of her mouth twitch, “Kellen...this was so long ago...you don’t need to be upset.” Her eyes met his, “honestly it was so bad I don’t even remember but I believe he now is a lawyer...we broke up after high school...a year later we tried it again...didn’t work out, dated the chef before I met you and honestly...I know this will make your head get big. But, you were the best.”

Kellen pouted as she spoke. “Still. He shouldn’t have done that,” he asserted, firmly. The fact that she said he was the best did give him a big head, but his mind turned back to earlier when she said someone had been ‘satisfying her really well.’ “Even better than this mystery new guy who always meets your needs?” he asked, hoping to catch her in a lie. He wanted— no, needed— to know that she wasn’t actually seeing someone else.

Grace forgot about the little white lie she told to Kellen, since it was in fact a lie, the only person she was seeing was the vibrator that was stashed away in her night stand drawer. “I’d say you’re tied.” She replied with a small shrug of her shoulders, fighting the urge to crack and admit it was in fact, a lie.

"Tied?" he asked, trying not to appear bothered. He was really hoping she would crack, but it seemed that she may have actually been moving on from him. But the fact that she kissed him earlier and invited him back to her apartment made him hopeful. Maybe if he prodded her further, he'd catch her. "So what's this guy's name anyways?"

Gracie cursed under her breath, realizing that she didn’t have a name, blurting out the first name coming to mind. “Gordon. His name is Gordon.” She mentally face palmed, out of all the names, she had to think of Gordon Ramsey.

Kellen wanted to be mad, but he bursted into laughter upon hearing the name Gordon. "Gordon? Fucking Gordon?! Where'd you meet him, the nursing home? Do you have to help him up and down the stairs when he visits your place? Gordon! I can't believe I was about to get jealous over a guy with an old man name." He also couldn't believe that he admitted that out loud. He would smack himself in the face if he wasn't driving.

Grace felt her cheeks heat up in embarrassment, of course he would find the whole thing hilarious. Even she wanted to laugh at herself but hearing his words next had her smirking as she looked out the window, seeing her place coming up. “Yeah yeah...laugh it up, at least Gordon can hit it right.”

He noticed the blush from the corner of his eye and smirked in satisfaction. Her next comment about Gordon elicited an overdramatic gasp from Kellen. "You take that back!" He noticed her apartment, but couldn't find a spot on the block, so he circled around, finding a spot on the next block over. "Do you want me to make dinner for you or not?"

Grace rolled her eyes, “from the sounds of you being uncertain, I feel like I’ll be the one to cook something.” She raised her eyebrows playfully, “but it’s cute that you’re getting over Gordon—even if he has an old mans name.” The brunette wonder if that’s what she should make her vibrator at this point.

“No, no. I said I’d do it, so I’m gonna fuckin’ do it. And you’re gonna be impressed as hell. You’ll be saying, ‘Wow Kellen, I was wrong. You can cook. I’m sorry for doubting you.’” He did his best impression of her— which was not very good— while talking about what she would hopefully be saying after he was done in the kitchen. He was determined to do a good job— no, a great job. Kellen stopped the car and took his seatbelt off. “Ready for me to blow your mind?”

“By food wise?” Gracie smiled cheekily as she took her own seatbelt off and opened the door, “or are we talking about something else?” She called out as she shut the car door behind her and pulled out her keys from her purse, “because food I’m a little skeptical, but I said I would give it  a try. So do your best,” grace said over her shoulder as she walked up the walk way towards her apartment, punching in the code and opening the door.

"Maybe I'm talking about food, maybe I'm talking about other things, maybe both. Who knows? Not you. I'm not telling," he teased, smirking at her. Once they were both out of the car, he locked the doors. "I'm gonna blow your mind and you can take that as you will." He winked at Gracie, entering the apartment building.

“Whatever you say,” she sang out, smiling, the nerves were still there but she tried not to think about it too much due to her habit of talking gibberish to make up for the awkward silence. But it was Kellen, he made her feel comfortable. As they entered into her apartment, she kicked off her shoes and walked further inside, scratching the side of her head. “So we added a few new plants since the last time you came around.” Grace commented knowing that it was more than a few, the fact she and Trixie loved plants was a problem.

Kellen took his shoes off as he entered the apartment, out of courtesy to her more than anything else. It wasn’t something he did in his own home, but knew it was a preference of hers. He looked around the apartment at the ‘few’ new plants she had purchased. “A few? It’s like a plant zoo in here. What are those called? The zoos for plants?” he asked, unable to remember the name for botanical gardens. “Your water bill must be ridiculous.”

“Botanical Gardens?” Gracie asked amusingly, she turned around to look up at Kellen. “It adds a little touch but also did you want something to drink or look through my kitchen?” She walked into her kitchen and switched on the light, reaching up toward her cupboard and grabbed a cup.

“Yes! Botanical gardens. That’s what your apartment looks like.” He followed her into the kitchen and began raiding her refrigerator for supplies. “I’m good, thanks.” He pulled out a few things from the fridge and placed them onto the counter. Upon opening the vegetable drawer, he found an old bag of salad that had wilted and browned. “I think it’s time you throw this out,” he commented.

Grace glanced over and laughed, “That isn’t mine but I agree,” she shakes her head, “okay maybe it is mine.” Gracie shrugged as she reached into the fridge for the water pitcher and started pouring some into her cup.

"Unless it's got Trixie's name written all over it, you've got joint custody over this shit. I don't think she'll mind us getting rid of this though." He chuckled, turning around to toss the bag into the garbage. The way Kellen and Vito ran their household was that all of the groceries belonged to both of them equally unless one of them specifically claimed something, such as leftovers or specific sweets they liked. They tended to eat dinner together most nights, but there were nights where Vito wanted to have alone time with Verity. "Looks like you've got the fixings for chicken parm."

Gracie completely forgot about the salad, and she was certain Trixie hasn’t had the time to look in the fridge. Grace also tend to buy things that were quick fix and not time consuming. Lost in thought, she set her glass of water down and chuckled. “Chicken parm sounds good, just don’t burn it.” She said before hopping up onto the counter to sit and watch him cook.

Kellen rolled his eyes at her comment, sarcastically responding, “So set it on fire, got it. Turn the oven up to 500° and leave it in for seven hours. Thanks for the encouragement, chief.” He bit his lip as he watched Gracie jump up on the counter. He briefly imagined what he could be doing to her against that counter, but quickly dismissed the thought. “Look, I know you like to feel tall, but I’m going to need that counter space. You mind waiting in the living room or something?”

“Mmm...I’d rather watch you to make sure you don’t burn anything,” she laughed lightly, swinging her legs softly, leaning on her hands, “Why are you distracted if I stayed here? Here I thought you were good at paying attention to detail.”

“I don’t know how you expect me to clean these chicken breasts if I have no space to do it. Also I need you to show me where you keep your cutting board and bowls and stuff.” Kellen blinked at her, putting his hand on his chest. “Are you accusing me of not paying attention to detail? Me, a tattoo artist? How dare you.”

“There’s the sink,” she jokingly stated, flashing a smirk at Kellen, sighing as she rolled her eyes. “I have to give you a little teasing since you always tease me any chance you get.” Gracie stated, fluttering her eyes at him.

"A little? What do you mean a little? You tease me all the damn time! I have not known peace since the start of this da-- " Kellen caught himself slipping and had to quickly correct himself, mentally reminding himself that they weren't a couple. "Encounter." He turned away from her and began looking through her drawers for a chef's knife.

Gracie couldn’t help but to laugh at his frustration, pretending to not hearing the end of the last word, was this a date or was it just an encounter. She almost forgot it was supposed to be two friends...exes hanging out, yet she felt tension every time he came near her, that had her wanting to pull him close and get lost in him. Clearing her throat as she hopped down from the counter and rubbed the back of neck. “I’ll...get out of your way so you can cook.”

He could feel the tension in the air, and paused, trying to figure out where he went wrong. "You know I was just kidding, right?" he asked, softly. "I'm not actually mad at you or anything... And I don't mind you staying in here. I just need the counter space." After shuffling around, he finally found a cutting board and knife and placed both on the counter. He then took the chicken out of its packaging and began cutting the gristle off. "Ah shit," he muttered to himself, going to the sink the rinse his hands off before turning the oven on to pre-heat. "Where are your oven trays?"

Gracie walked around him and crouched down to open the cup board and pulled out the tray and held it up, “anything else?” She asked before standing up and realizing how short she really was next to him. Gracie always felt tiny when she was next to him, she also enjoyed being wrapped up in his arms that made her feel safe. “Wait what are you making again? I completely spaced out at the thought of you undercooking the chicken.”

He paused as he thought of whether he needed anything. “Cooking spray, for the oven tray. Oh! And breadcrumbs.” He pouted at her next words. “Chicken parm. It’s pretty hard to undercook considering you have to fry and bake it. You have no faith in me, do you?”

She laughed, “I have faith in you...it’s just been awhile since I’ve seen you in the kitchen—and the fact you said you can cook some meals? It’s hard to believe.” She teased him once more, finding it amusing as she grabbed the items he requested and set it down next to him, looking up at him as she brought the glass of wine to her lips and taking a small sip.

“Well yeah, it’s been...” He paused to count the months on his fingers. “Eight months. I’ve learned a few things in that time.” He learned a lot about himself in the months since their breakup. He learned that he could actually cook if he put effort into it and followed recipe instructions. He learned that he could live without illicit substances. He learned that it was okay to reach out to others for help. And he learned that his love for Gracie hadn’t faltered in their months apart, not even a little.

Gracie smiled into the glass and nodded her head, “Yeah...I also learned a lot about myself and I was thankful for Maya and Trixie. I was in a slump after our break up, I just worked and went home.” She admitted, setting the cup down and sighed, “It also made me realize that I do love you and that I fell hard and fast unexpectedly with you.”

“Hey, that’s better than going to work, going straight to the bar, getting shitfaced, flirting with a stranger, getting too sad to bone, then going home alone... Dammit. Maybe this is why the gossip fucker always calls me ‘Kellen the Crier.’” He sighed loudly, then went back to his task of getting the gristle off the chicken. Once that was done, he went to go crack a few eggs in a bowl, but stopped once Gracie started talking again. “Grace, I— fuck. You were the first person I fell in love with after years of shutting myself off from love. When I saw you in that bar back in 2018, I just knew there was something special about you.”

“Here I thought you were thinking, what is this girl doing in this bar,” she smiled, recalling the incident easily, seeming lost but also uncomfortable with the guy before Kellen saves her. Gracie could feel the butterflies erupting in the pit of her stomach at his confession, the look he gave her made it all the more intense, their time together was intense yet satisfying. “Or if I was lost.”

“Well, that too,” he teased, chuckling. “It really wasn’t your kind of bar.” Any type of bar was Kellen’s type of bar, which was exactly the problem. Except extremely fancy ones; those were the types of bars he was known for getting kicked out of.

Gracie laughed, "You do have a point." It was beyond her ideal area to get drunk yet she was there and almost got pounced on until Kellen came into the picture and saved her from being perhaps taken advantage of. "Why did you even help in the first place...I'm pretty sure I seen you entertaining someone else before you came and practically man handled me out of there." She jokingly stated, placing her hand on her hip as she leaned against the counter.

Kellen thought back to that night. He had been flirting with another girl before he found Gracie, but the other girl had as much personality as a pile of laundry. She seemed pretty annoyed when he left abruptly, but Kellen didn’t care. He had locked eyes with a distressed woman and something in him said that he needed to do something. “I dunno. My gut said so. Why’d you go to that scuzzy place to begin with?”

Grace chewed on her lip before speaking, “I just ended things with someone and he said I was so boring that I never excited him,” at the time she was a little hurt at those words but now she knew her worth and understand that sometimes it doesn’t go well for others. “So I figured why not go to the nearest grungy bar.”

He frowned at her answer. “You know that probably wasn’t one of your better ideas, right?” Abandoning cooking for a moment, he turned around, walking over to her. He hadn’t started breading the chicken yet, as he was distracted by conversation. “If it makes you feel any better, I think you’re very interesting. That schmuck missed out.” He leaned down, closing the gap between them by pressing his lips to hers.

Gracie was about to respond something witty when she felt his lips against hers, which she automatically leaned into him and grasping the side of his face. His words and his actions made her heart melt, realizing they were once again crossing the line of staying friends. But how could she when she loved him so much, the idea of food forgotten because she craved something more, she craved him.

Kellen knew he was playing a dangerous game. As always, Kellen was impulsive and didn't think about the consequences of his actions. This time, he didn't care what the consequences were as long as he could be close to her. He wanted to show her how he felt about her, and wanted reassurance that it wasn't all one-sided. He knew he had to go back to cooking soon, otherwise they'd be starving for the rest of the night. But for now, he just wanted to feel her lips against his and her hair through his fingers.

Gracie didn’t care for the food at the moment, she only cared for the moment she was sharing with Kellen, it felt comforting and the void in her chest was gone. The brunette moved her hand down his chest to slide under his shirt, shivering at the feeling of his skin against her hand. She knew she shouldn’t continue further than this, especially with them in the kitchen where her roommates could come back any second.

His breath hitched as her fingers met his skin. He put one of his hands on her hip, the other in her hair. In an act of impulse and desire, Kellen pulled her hair back, breaking the kiss to whisper in her ear, “So there are a few things that can happen next. You could help me finish making this meal… or we could take this into the bedroom. Your choice.”

She could feel goosebumps rising on her skin at his whisper, the way his lips brushed against them, she couldn’t think straight nor could she think logically at the moment as she weighed out the options. Gracie didn’t care about the food at the moment and she could only think of him at the moment, “bedroom,” she whispered and brought his lips back against hers.

“Good choice,” he whispered back, biting her bottom lip. The idea of just being friends had completely gone out the window. How could he just be friends with someone who he used to be so intimate with— who he still wanted to be intimate with? It just wasn’t going to work.

#Grace Rothschild #self para

[brianahuggins]

The Thoughtless: Part 1

This is part one of a three part short story I wrote a few years ago. I’ve been revising it, mainly because the ending was weak, and I still haven’t figured out what else to do with it. Read if you’d like, tell me what you think, yadda yadda.

TW for: gun violence, implied racism, child death, gore. I think that covers it?

Let me know what y’all think.

My face burns, fire and ash and violent flickering light too close for comfort and too important for me to move away. My childhood home burning to the ground, mother and father inside, and I wish I could say that I care, but I don't. The flames lick and singe and reach for me, begging me to join, to go out like the rest of my blood, and I don't, won't, can't move.

I don't care.

Strangely enough, they don't care, either. My parents, that is. Dying, and they don't care. Maybe they don't even feel it. I hope they don't feel anything. I hope that if there's anything left of who they were, that it can't feel what's happening now, and if they do, I hope it feels like cleansing.

Does this count as feeling? I don't know. I like to think not.

I don't know what any of these things mean anymore. Dying, feeling.

Whatever the case, there's no sense of urgency, nothing that drives me to move from where I am, and that doesn't seem like feeling, and it's almost frightening.

Just not as frightening as the fact that this is coming for me.

They're inside, burning to death, uncaring, not enough to save themselves, nothing left to save, and one day, this is going to happen to me.

Not the burning to death.

Maybe not the burning to death.

I would want someone to end me if I was like them, though, will want, would if wanting was a thing you still had after the change comes.

This is mercy.

I watch the flames devour the wood my mother used to build this house. I don't remember a time when this house didn't stand, when this house wasn't here. It feels strange to be the one that did this, strange that I should destroy what my mother built in a sliver of the time it took her to build it.

A hand on my shoulder, and I turn away from the flames. My eyes meet Darius's, and I realize that maybe, just maybe, I've been crying.

I wipe my face, tell myself it was only sweat from the heat, and turn my back to the fire.

“Maybe we should go,” he says, like we have someplace better to be, like I don't have to see this through to the end. He should know better.

He never does.

I hadn't even heard him pull up over the roar of the fire. It should worry me that I hadn't heard him, should scare me, the idea of what else could have snuck up on me, but there isn't anything left to feel. There is nothing left to fear.

I scoff. “Maybe we should finish the neighborhood,” I suggest instead.

“It won't change things,” he tells me, tone even, calm. Always calm. I could hate him for it, if I wanted, but I've known him too long to want it.

“It's the most drastic change this neighborhood's gonna see for the rest of its existence,” I tell him. I grab a rock from the side of the road and launch it through the window of my neighbor's house. Their car is out front, but if anyone is home, no one's bothered. Of course not. Of-fucking-course not.

I swallow hard.

My home roars, bones aching, bones breaking. I don't look back as I hear it collapse, everything tumbling into the basement, a burst of sudden extreme heat hitting both of us.

Darius clears his throat, speaks again. “Let me drive you home.”

“I drove my own car here.”

“We can come back for it later.”

“It might not be here later.”

“It's not safe for you to be driving.”

“Not real safe to be living now, either, but here we fucking are.”

He doesn't say anything. I watch the firelight dance on his dark face, watch it reflected in his light, golden eyes. I silently dare him to fight me on this, to argue against the lack of sirens right now, to tell me that things can still be alright. Everyone in this neighborhood is home, if they're still alive, and no one has even stepped outside to see what's happening.

Smoke is heavy in the air, the sky dark from it. Not that the sky is ever light anymore, but the darkness is thicker now, harder to breathe through. Anyone for miles should be able to see this. No one has come to see what's wrong. No one has called for help.

They wouldn't get any, either way.

“You can't drink tonight,” he says quietly. “I'll make sure you can't drink tonight.”

I roll my eyes, grab another rock, and lob it straight through the window of the nearest car that doesn't belong to us. This sets off the alarm, and again, no one comes to see what all the noise is about.

A year ago, I didn't know the sound of breaking glass could feel so satisfying, that the sound of breaking glass could harmonize so well with the pain in my chest.

“Break everything you want. You're still not drinking tonight.” He's using his adult voice, his authority voice, his “I dare you to argue with me,” voice. It is almost enough to work on me.

He wasn't close to his family before this. That's the only reason he's so calm, and by extension, that's the only reason he's in charge.

Okay, maybe not the only reason, but still a contributing factor.

“Come on,” he says, and makes a tentative move to touch me once more. When he meets no resistance, he leads me to my car. “Give me your keys. I'll come back for mine later, alright?”

I nod and begin to hand him my keys, and though my hand tenses at the last second, I relent.

The drive to shelter is short, not long enough, too close to the smoke. They say you can't go home again, and now I know I can't. Yesterday, a liberating, calming idea. Today, something closer to condemnation. At least now it can never be worse than I remember it. There is no more room for bad memories to be made.

I feel my stomach rumble, remember that I haven't eaten today, close my eyes and try to remember the kitchen schedule for the week so I can figure out who I have to talk into feeding me. When I find nothing, can't remember, I ask.

“The kitchen tonight. Who's in charge?”

He gives me a smile that answers my question immediately.

“Shit. Why does it have to be her?”

“Should've eaten before you left.”

“Why the hell does Nora even get assigned to cook?”

“Because she likes doing it, and she's good at it? What other reasons do we need? It's not like you're going to do it.”

I look him up and down, knowing better than to hope a glare will get him to help me. He's nineteen now, only months older than me. He's a ticking time bomb, and I'm not much better. Thoughtlessness could settle in over him any day now, any moment. He doesn't seem bothered by that.

He should feel more, while he still has the time.

“She's awful. That seems a good enough reason to kick her out to me.”

“It's a good thing you're not in charge, then,” he says, and I know I'm not imagining the smugness in his tone.

No alcohol tonight, Nora in the kitchen, and my home in ashes because I couldn't bear to live with it so empty. This isn't my day, or week, or year. I violently wish that this wasn't my life, but it is, and it won't be too much longer and it'll be over.

I don't want to die.

I just want the world to be different again.

We stand outside of our massive, sprawling high school, a place I hated when classes still happened here, a place I can stand just a little bit better now. It's the only thing that's improved. We've been working on it, turning it into a place people can come to... whatever. Wait out their time here on earth. Maybe we won't change. Maybe some of us are immune.

I honestly don't know if this is better or worse.

We've been working on turning the school into a safe spot. Maybe there are better places. I don't know. This was just the first place we thought of, the first place that had everything we needed. Classrooms claimed as bedrooms, converted to living spaces. It's the only place we could find that consistently has electricity, as long as we take care of the generators.

The kids who need to get away often stop here, out of habit, out of hope that someone will be here who can help. There are fifteen of us right now. Fifteen people who still think and feel and function like real people, and none of us over the age of twenty.

We walk inside, and I hear the frenzied patter of four paws rapidly crossing the tiled floor to get to me. When Hope hits me, I take several stumbling steps backwards as his paws hit my shoulders and he violently licks my face.

Hope is the giant black mutt I found while searching for kids to take in. I didn't name him, naturally. I didn't want to. Naming him felt too permanent, felt like trusting anything to last. Darius came up with the name, because he thought it'd be funny, but whatever the case, the dog keeps me coming home, and the name stuck.

“Down, boy,” I say quietly, like I'm afraid of what might happen if someone hears me being gentle. If they realize I'm weak... what? What's the worst that can happen?

They'll start to know you, and if they know you, they might care, and then you'd care, and you might actually have to be someone again.

Whatever smell is coming from the kitchen is nice. Not so nice that I'm going to ask Nora if I can eat early, but nice enough. I just want to eat in my room, but she won't let me eat if she knows that's where I'm headed. This is one of the multitude of marks she has against her.

My body hurts. My chest aches. I want to be less sober than I am. I smell like fire, and I burn like it, too. This day would hurt more, if my parents hadn't already been dead to me for months leading up to this. The dog pushes his nose into my hand, and I scratch the back of his head.

“Meaghan,” Darius begins, and I look up. “Eat with us tonight.”

“It's not like I have much choice,” I grumble.

“You've fought Nora on this before.”

“I've gone hungry before, too.”

He shrugs. “So eat with us tonight.”

My agreement falls somewhere between a nod and a shrug, and he smiles. He smiles so often.

We begin walking through the halls, towards the wing where most of the bedrooms are. It's the old history wing, rooms where I was used to sleeping long before I lived in them.

“You know,” Darius begins, his voice low and soft, “maybe we won't all turn. It's been months since we've seen it happen to anyone else. It might be done,” he tells me, and he tries so hard to be convincing. He's the one we're all watching. He's the one we're all waiting on now. Maybe he needs to believe for his own sake. Maybe I should take a page from his book.

We don't know how or why it happens. We don't know why some go unaffected and others don't. There's only one person we've come across over the age of 18 that hasn't become thoughtless, only one, and she's never here. For all we know, she's turned since last we saw her.

I push open the door to my room, and he follows me inside without invitation. Everything I've ever wanted is here. There's nothing I could want that I can't take at any moment now. My room is packed, somehow still organized in its chaos. Fabrics and trinkets rest on and hang from every surface, the ceiling not excluded. I've collected an assortment of rugs and wall hangs, the colors deep and rich. I've put more work into this room than I've put into staying alive, tried to use this junk to fill the hole in my heart.

Darius's eyes travel across it all, taking in everything. He makes no comments. I know he finds all of this excessive. I know he doesn't understand why I do this. Even I don’t, really.

Hope climbs the steps to my bed, where it rests on a raised platform, not dissimilar to a bunk bed. I built it myself. It was something taught to me by my mother, building, that is. The platform is uneven, rickety, barely stable, but it'll stand, and Hope doesn't seem to be worried about it, and I trust his judgment more than mine. It's not fancy, but like everything else in this room, its mine, and its under my control, and it doesn't have to be suitable to anyone but me, and that's fine.

Darius opens his mouth to speak, but he's interrupted by the school bells. Dinner is ready.

When the bells are done ringing, he sighs and clears his throat. “I was serious about you not drinking tonight. I'm tired of the kids finding you like that.”

“Stop sending them to get me, then, and we won't have a problem.”

He groans, but he argues no further, and we leave to eat dinner, Hope's large and shaggy form traveling happily behind us. None of this phases him. Maybe things are better for him now than they were before.

When we get to the lunch room, boxed in behind its glass walls, Nora and the kitchen team for the night are still carrying food out to put on the bar. Whatever it is, it does actually smell really good, and I'm glad I have Darius with me as an excuse to eat tonight. Not that I wouldn't be allowed to eat. Just that I wouldn't want to... whatever. I don't like Nora. I don't want to owe her anything, even if it just means a meal. With Darius forcing me to be here tonight, I don't owe her.

When she comes around from behind the bar, Hope runs to meet her. Hope has no sense about him, he really doesn't. Her face lights up, and she leans down to pet him. When he's done with her, he makes rounds around the room, giving his attention to everyone. Nora is still squatting, watching him with a smile on her face. She runs a hand back through her hair, blonde and cropped short, shaved on both sides. She realizes I'm watching her, and she stands.

“Actually eating with the rest of us tonight?” she asks pleasantly.

I nod. It's never easy to know what direction things are going to take with her. She's older than me, still younger than Darius, but her desire to keep this place up and running, and running smoothly, means she does things that I don't want, as if she has some kind of authority. She's almost as bad as Darius, as far as controlling me, telling me what to do.

“Darius asked,” I tell her. She nods. She chews and pulls absentmindedly on the ring through her lip, the silver glinting in the fluorescent overheads.

“The fire today. That was you, wasn't it?” she asks, like the smell of smoke doesn't still cling to my clothes, like there's any chance she can't smell me from where she stands. I should've showered before I came here.

I suddenly feel very self conscious, which is fucking obnoxious, because I don't actually care what she thinks.

I nod again. Short answers work best with her, and the less she knows, the less likely she is to berate me, or worse, to sympathize. She shrugs.

“That's one way to deal with this shit,” she says, and she turns her back on me. She disappears into the kitchen, and I'm left alone with Darius, who laughs.

“I think that's the most civil conversation I've ever seen the two of you have.”

“If she didn't ride my ass all the time, we wouldn't have any problems.”

“I just don't feel like that's true. Having spoken to you more than once, I am very aware that you want nothing more than a fight at every moment of every day.” He smiles, and as soon as his back is to me, I do, too.

The line for dinner begins to form, and I fall in behind Darius. When we sit down, Darius's sister runs to join us, her braided hair swinging behind her, her food tray stacked precariously on top of the pile of books she's carrying.

“Do you ever get tired of reading so much, Zoe?” Darius asks. We don't have to ask where she's been. Her bedroom is the old library office. Ever since we took up residence here, she's lived in that library around the clock, always bent over a book. This is how she's coping. No one ever gets mad at her for her escapes. Nora never complains when she brings her vices to dinner.

“No. Not ever,” she says, and even as she speaks, she's trying to eat and find her place in her book. She was like this before, honestly, but again, things weren't so great for her before. All that's really changed is where she lives, and she likes it better here, anyway. She always liked it better here.

“Tomorrow, we should go check out that nice neighborhood, see what we can find.” Darius always thinks we should be bringing in more supplies, thinks we should always be stocking up. If things go the way we think they will, and we can't know that they won't, even the youngest person here only has eleven, twelve years? And if the rest of us go before her, she probably won't even last that long. Stock runs give us something to do, certainly, but it won't be too much longer until we have more than we'll ever need. Maybe it's good to plan for the long run, maybe it gives everyone else here hope. It just reminds me how little time I have left.

“Hey, Darius,” a voice says from behind us. I fight the urge to groan out loud.

“Yeah?” he asks. Nora sits down beside me.

“If you guys are going out tomorrow, could you be on the lookout for a few things for me? Please?” she asks.

“Of course,” he answers, like he's ever turned anyone down in his life. She hands him a list, and he looks it over. After a moment, he nods.

“Yeah, shouldn't be a problem. You should come with us sometime.”

God, Darius. Please stop.

“I would, if there were a few more older people around here. Otherwise, I think I should probably hang around here. Maybe when Sicily gets back, though.”

“If,” I say quietly.

She glances sideways at me, a look on her face like she's making a difficult decision. Finally, she responds, her tone gentle, so gentle. “No. When.”

I don't argue again. She smells nice, and I'm angry that I've noticed, and her tone has thrown me off guard. I still smell like fire, and I'm still embarrassed.

I stand up. “I'm going to bed,” I say, and it isn't true, but I say it anyway. I just don't want to be around anyone anymore.

I throw my tray in the garbage, and I don't wait for anyone to say anything else to me. Hope is the only one that follows.

Once I'm in my room, I let the heavy wooden door fall shut behind me and I lock it. Hope looks up to me, his tail wagging, and I sigh.

“You want food?” I ask. Mere mention of the word sets him wild, and I laugh, and the feeling is strange, like speaking a language I don't know, or used to know.

I put out two bowls for him, food and water, and I straighten my room. Not that there's anything that really needs to be straightened, so its more like moving things from one spot to another. When this gets boring, I unlock my door, put in a CD, and I climb into my bed. Hope isn't far behind. I lay on my back, and he situates himself mostly on top of me.

I leave the door unlocked because I know Darius will want to check on me, and if I leave it locked, he's just going to assume any number of terrible things and force his way in. It's happened before.

I stare at the ceiling, absentmindedly petting Hope, my fingers laced through his thick black fur. I've been threatening to burn my house down for months. Today was the day I finally did it. I don't know why today had to be the day, but it was. I just wanted to go home so bad, to see my parents, for things to be the way they were. The temptation was too much. Any number of things might have happened if I had gone, and none of them would have been good. Now, the temptation is gone for good. I don't have to worry about what I might do now. I'll never go back again. I just...

By the time I think to check the clock, it's nearly midnight. I've been in my room, unchecked, for at least four hours. Unchecked and horrifyingly sober.

Almost as soon as I think this, I hear knocking on my door.

I sit upright, expecting Darius. Hope flops back over in bed, unwilling to acknowledge we're being called on.

“Yeah?” I call. The door cracks open, and Nora sticks her head in. I'm too tired and sad to feel annoyed.

“Do you mind if I step inside?” she asks.

I nod. I don't know what she's doing here. The only lights in my room right now are the fairy lights that hang from the ceiling, and that's all there is to see by. Once she's inside, she stops to take in what she's seeing. I realize this is the first time she's ever seen my room.

“Why are you here?” I ask, and I'm proud to say that not even the slightest trace of malice can be found in my voice. I sit on the edge of my bed, my legs hanging off the side. Hope is still pretending not to notice the world around him. Nora’s usual spiked hair lays flat, having been recently washed, and I can smell soap and shampoo from here. I haven't even changed clothes.

“Darius wanted me to make sure you weren't drunk. He said you were tired of him sending kids to check on you.”

I laugh, and this time, my tone is harsh. “He must have known how much more I'd prefer you.”

This time, she picks at her nose ring. She clenches her jaw, and releases an angry breath.

“I'm not hard on you because I want to piss you off,” she says, her face masked in calm, but her voice cracks. “And what happened before, today-

“I don't want to talk about it.”

“I'm just saying-

“I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. That.”

She huffs and throws her hands out. “I only agreed to come here because I wanted to know if you were alright after that.”

“I'm fine.”

“You'd be shit faced if you weren't friends with Darius.”

“I'd be shit faced even if I hadn't done what I did today.”

“You know he only does what he does because he wants you to be alright, yeah?”

I grip my blanket in my hands. “Yeah, I know.”

“And I'm not your enemy. You know that one?”

“Will you please leave?”

She opens her mouth to speak, but stops. She sighs instead, and when she leaves, I'm not relieved.

I hate Nora because I want to hate Nora, and because good things won't last, and because if I become friends with her, I'll only get to know her for the sparse amount of time that'll exist between now and her turning, and it isn't worth it. We're not even friends now, and still the thought of seeing her turn kills me.

It just isn't fucking worth it.

Darius wouldn't be worth it, but I've known him and his sister since we were kids, and it would be too inconvenient to cut them off now.

I can't cut anyone off. I don't have the energy for that.

But I don't have to let anyone else in.

I roll over in bed, wrap my arms around Hope, and fall asleep.

***

“There's a cop car out front, Darius. Maybe we should skip this one.”

“I don't see why we should. Hell, maybe we'll even find a few more guns. I told you I'm going to start hunting, soon as I find what I'm looking for.”

“Darius, I have a bad feeling about this. We should skip this house.”

“You have a bad feeling about everything. It's like your calling card.” He squares his shoulders and walks ahead of me. Darius only wants to be listened to. He never wants to do the listening.

I follow him, resolved to save his sorry ass if it comes to it. The thoughtless are unpredictable, prone to the ugliest things they thought and felt in life. Usually, they don't do anything. Usually, they make the vaguest efforts to feed themselves, at least until the food is gone, and then they just.... waste away. Some still make vague gestures at doing the jobs they did in life, but mostly, they're just.... there.

The house is large, white, decked in the dressings of middle class life. There's a mini van in the drive way, next to the cop car, stick figure family stickers adorning the back cracked window, “blue lives matter” bullshit right beside.

Kids lived here. I hope they're gone by now.

Somewhere down the street, I see the other portion of our group leaving a house carrying the spoils of their trip.

Darius forces the door open, and we cross over into the dark house.

The house reeks, and Darius looks back and makes a face, and if you think a smell that bad would be enough to stop him, you'd be wrong. He shines his flashlight around the trashed living room. All the thoughtless have is anger, when they have anything at all, or whatever it is that makes them do... this.

It doesn't take us long to find the source of the odor.

Sitting at the kitchen table, in front of skewed cereal boxes and empty bowls still waiting to be filled, are brother and sister, heads lolled back, dead eyes open to the expanse of the ceiling above them, ugly gunshot wounds littering their tiny frames. I don't know how long they've been here, but this had to have happened some time after the change, and more recently than I'd like to think. The smell is too strong, the decay too recent. A scene so empty shouldn't create so much sound, but there's so much; bugs and maggots and flies, so much writhing, so much moving filth.

I gag, and what very little I've eaten spews out on the floor. I look up to Darius, and his eyes haven't left the scene in front of us. His face is empty, expressionless, and for a moment I'm so afraid that he's turned, here and now, that something so ugly is enough to force the change.

But finally, after several moments of silence, he looks to me and groans. “Let's get out of here.” I don't have to tell him that I was right not wanting to come here, that he should have listened to me. He knows. I can hear it in his voice.

I take his arm, and I start to lead him away, an action of role reversal so far removed from anything that's ever happened between us before that for a moment I feel like someone else. I don't even have time to enjoy the feeling before it all comes crashing down.

“We should burn this place,” Darius says, quietly.

We're in the front doorway, and I'm reaching for the door when I hear something behind us. A shuffling of feet, the clink of metal on metal. I look over my shoulder, and I see where the noise is coming from, but it's too late.

A flash of light, and another, two bangs louder than thunder, and I feel Darius crumble. The thoughtless, the cop that lived here before, had fired the shots before either of us could have gotten away. The man, eyes blank, face gaunt from starvation, turns away, apparently satisfied with his work. I watch him shuffle off, his hands both working over the silver hunk of metal he's just used to injure my friend.

“Darius.” I say his name with no particular intent, like hands grabbing for a thing too far away to reach.

He's up against the wall, gripping his chest. His breathing is ugly, his skin too pale. I try to see the wounds, but I can't make myself look too closely. I don't actually want to know how bad it is. The blood that's pooling on the ground under him tells me all I need to know, and if I know much more, I might run and never look back.

“M-Meaghan.”

“Don't talk,” I tell him, and I'm not really sure why, but these could be his last words, his last moments, and on me, they're wasted. I can't carry his last words with me. I'm not, never have been, strong enough.

I try to figure out how to lift him, how to get him out of here. The man might come back at any moment.

Both bullet wounds are on his right side, and so I lift him from his left. He groans, but he doesn't say a word. More likely, he can't.

I drag him outside and into the sunlight, where this feels unreal. The day is almost bright, almost pleasant, not a day for bleeding or dying, but it won't and can't change things.

There's already a group running toward us. “Hey, we heard gun-”

But, what's her name again, Amanda? stops, her eyes wide, and I try to ask for help but all that comes out is a nasty, loud sob, and I nearly fall. Two people rush forward and try to take him from me, but I can't let go, and I can't catch the words they're throwing to reach me.

When I finally let them take him, two girls much stronger than me, I really do collapse. I fall on my knees and curl in on myself, and maybe I scream, maybe I tear out my hair and beat the ground, or maybe I don't do anything but lie there, my face in the dirt and my soul somewhere lower, because it all feels the same and none of it fixes this, and when finally someone lifts me up by my arm and leads me to the nearest car, I don't have anything left in me to fight. Car doors slam and engines crank and everything inside me unwinds and unravels, and I don't think Darius can survive the night.

#The Thoughtless #Writing

[darthmama]

All I wanna do is stab some idiots...

Ok real life bitch fest time!

So in September my husband and I somewhat unofficially adopted a friend of ours, Jess.  Technically she’s an adult (mid or late 20′s I think? I forget) but we’ve known her since she was a kid in high school and she became part of this pack of girls that everyone started calling Hubby’s Girl’s.  I can only think that it’s because he assumed the big brother role while they were in the male dominated gaming area and had no problems putting assholes in their place if required. 

Anyways, this one in particular has had issues even since then.  Her family was jacked up to hell and back, she herself has some mental issues (severe anxiety and depression at least though we think she might have a little bi-polar as well?) and has been on meds forever for them.  Back in August she was trying to get out of an ugly abusive situation.  She didn’t have any family willing to help but she did have friends (besides us) that were willing to take her in.  So Hubby and I pitched in funds since no one had much to spare to get her out of the situation and into a better one...so we thought.

Turned out her friends were just as bad!  It got to the point where we were not sure who was being truthful and who was lying through their teeth.  I am well known to be a bull shit detector...not sure why but I am.  So I actually ended up wading into this high school drama to figure out the situation.  In the end I, who has no college degree in psychology or anything else, opted to get Jess out because I felt that if she was left there she would end up out on the streets, taking hard drugs, selling herself, or worse committing suicide.  I kid you not the breaking point was her apparently getting loud on her phone because she was leaning towards self harm and one of the girls with a child came down and told her to shut up.  According to Jess it was rudely, according to the other girl it was politely but frankly my opinion was I didn’t care if the child was sleeping, you don’t tell that to someone who tells you they are having serious thoughts of harm!  Gah I could go on about the shit pulled here!

So Hubby and I scrambled together the money and paid a contractor out to finish a room in our basement while she slept on the couch for about a week.  Hurray!  

Oh but the tale does not end here folks.

2 weeks after we finally get her settled and she starts to turn herself to getting a job and such, her mom ends up in the hospital dying from cancer.  It’s ugly too because her sister is an abusive fuck and didn’t want Jay to even know about things!

So I am driving her back and forth along with another friend to help her get as much time as she can with her mom and playing interceptor to keep the evil hag of a sister away.  It’s rough since I have my own two kids and at the time I was trying to plan a huge Halloween party, but was worth it to know she got some time to make peace with her mother about things before she died.

Wow rough as hell right?  But wait!  There’s more!

Now Jess is a sweetheart and a smart woman but she has a low opinion of herself and needless to say she has done some unsavory things to eat.  We found out she was doing cam work, as in stripping online for money and such.  We knew this before she moved in mind you.  No we didn’t like it but that is her choice to pay the bills and we make sure she has a lock on her door so our two kiddos don’t bust in on her or anything.  She also does her best to keep it to nights when the kids are sleeping.  Set up works well.

Now we still did not have a set contract about her living with us yet.  This was mainly because she had not really gotten a chance to settle.  If she isn’t working steadily then she doesn’t get money and she hasn’t exactly been in a good place to even try this work with her mom dying.  We don’t push, make sure she’s ok and has everything anyway, and let her know that we’ll get to the whole her paying rent or the like eventually.  Hubby and I aren’t exactly straining to make ends meet here after all and she’s not costing us any extra money really aside from buying her cigarettes which she has successfully been cutting back on drastically.  Amazing what happens with supportive people around you that don’t cause trauma...and when it’s balls cold outside so you don’t want to go freeze for that bit of nicotine. :P

Anyways, we had been pretty free sharing everything with Jess, until we discovered a problem with the alcohol.  Now Hubby and I are not big drinkers but we do have a habit of having expensive alcohol.  We told Jess she was welcome to the booze as well when she first moved in.

The problem came when she tried to get herself back to work in front of the camera.  She started purposely getting drunk so she could perform.  I noticed this and reported to Hubby, we were both alarmed that she managed to go through 6 bottles of wine in the span of a week.  Frankly I was glad she didn’t hit the hard stuff because that would have probably been far worse!

We sit her down and have a talk, explaining that we are not looking down on her work or trying to tell her how to live her life but we can’t have her drinking all of our alcohol.  For one she’ll never be able to pay for it and for two there’s kids here and one of the things we told her when she moved in was that if she did anything that would in any way threaten our children her ass would be back out the door.  We’d help her find  shelter or something but she would not be welcome in the house.

Thankfully we got on this early so she hadn’t done anything but we did express to her that we were concerned.  When she told us what she was doing and stated how she needed the money to pay us.  Hubby and I did a synchronized face palm and told her that no job was worth this.  We would rather she lived off us rent free than subject herself to getting drunk and selling herself on the internet.  We weren’t about being paid back, and we still aren’t.  We are about helping her find her feet in the world and building her own life.

I can’t tell you how much she cried hearing that she didn’t have to do this to live and that we understood.

So the last few months have been her slowly building up.  We bought her glasses that she needed so she could work on taking the driving test.  Hubby is pretty sure he can find a cheap car we can get for her.  She’s been trying to find a job but there’s an ugly stumbling block in her way.  Jess has always had issues with her period, making it so that she’s pretty much out of it for a week.  No one is willing to give her a job when she’s going to be regularly out for a week, or possibly two depending on what her period feels like doing.  She did however know that being on the pill helped her manage her period to the point she could function so I start helping her find where she can get the pill in the area for cheap.  Gotta be something out here I figure since we have a college not to far from us right?

So today I take her into town to the CHD (County Health Department) which is the only place to really do this without a 45 minute to 1 hour drive into the city for a proper Planned Parenthood.  She gets in, tells them what she needs, fills out paperwork, and waits.  

It was a fracking hour wait!  That’s bad enough since I’m having to watch the clock for when I need to jet home to get my boys off the bus (which is about a 20 minute drive away mind you).  Then we get to the actual doctor.

First off the doctor tried to do the exam on Jess first.  Jess asked to know if she was going to get the pill first, not wanting to waste money (which isn’t a concern but we appreciate her effort) or time.  The doctor tells her that no she is not getting the pill and Jess asks why.  The doctor cites that Jess smokes and she counters that she will sign up immediately for whatever stop smoking thing the doctor wants but she needs the pill to handle her period so she can get a job.  Doctor then says that Jess has migraines.  Jess admits that she does but points out that plenty of people do and while she has had migraines she also has not had as many in the last number of months (which makes me think it’s linked to stress/anxiety) and that her last 5 doctors all have put her on the pill in spite of these “risks” that this Hag Doc is now lecturing Jess on.  

Now this, I am proud of.  Jess quickly realizes the Hag is not listening to her and this “doctor” is now trying to convince Jess to get an IUD or the shot.  Methods which are more expensive and actually have higher chances of making her period worse.  Jess instead tells the doctor thanks but no thanks and walks out of the office.  The doctor actually tries to claim Jess owes money and Jess shoots back that the doctor did nothing but give her a 15 minute lecture for the hour of time Jess wasted in the waiting room.  She is paying nothing.

You go Jess!

While she is mildly worried about someone trying to sue her since they have her information Hubby has plainly stated that he will slap them with a lawsuit back if need be.  This is even better since Hubby works for the County Government.  He manages the taxes they collect so odds are high that if he shows up angry someone is about to have a bad day.

Meanwhile Jess and I are back to square one hunting for options.  I cannot state how livid I am with this Hag of a doctor.  Doctors that don’t listen to their patients are an epidemic in this damn town and anyone with have a brain takes the drive to the city unless it’s a serious emergency.

I really should have remembered that before wasting my time.  The question is, what the hell now?

Help me tumblr land!?

#Women's health #i'm surrounded by idiots #This shit is why men need to stfu about women's reproductive rights. #5 bucks says the hag thought she just wanted to have a bunch of sex or something stupid #god is there someone to report this bitch to?

[automatismoateo]

Christianity is the worse thing that happened to me and I’m glad I broke free via /r/atheism

Submitted July 09, 2020 at 02:18AM by brimakaveli7717 (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2ZNYbv7) Christianity is the worse thing that happened to me and I’m glad I broke free

I’m 20 turning 21 next month I grew up mainly around my fathers side of the family. My grandma (his mom) and children (my aunt mostly) are devoted Christians. In church 4 days out the week. I wasn’t allowed to listen to music , wear red or black, or just simply be a kid if it wasn’t good in the “eyes of the lord” I was forced to sing in choir , dance and go to church on Halloween(that shit was doodoo). Scary movies brought demons in the house and don’t even think about speaking on the the gays. (My aunt stopped talking to her childhood best friend when she came out to her. Pretty sad right??)

But I always knew something wasn’t right. I knew I had to agree and go along with what they said because what other choice do I have ? I’m a fucking kid. As i got older I started to question God and it really opened my eye. Let my start off by saying my father was very abusive toward my mother. He would beat her in front of me and tell me it was her fault or she did something. My grandmother knew and made every excuse in the book. Once my mother planned to run away and leave. My grandmother found out that she had planned to take up to a shelter and told my father. What a snitch bitch. As I grew older I started to see who my grandmother really was. A lying manipulative psycho bitch. She Fostered 21 kids all for a check and adopted 1 just for the check. Her punishment towards my aunt(the one she adopted who is special needs I must add) was ABUSE she would beat her literally. Not feed her. Make her do horrible exercises hit her while she was doing them and feed her hot chili peppers. As a kid I thought this is what happened when you misbehaved but now that I’m older I see it’s abuse and I hate her for it. She knows how to play with peoples head. I feel bad for my other aunt. It’s like the movie Carrie lol shit is sad. I hate her for treating her like a dog and making me believe it was okay. I hate her doing it in front of me like my dad beat my mom in front of me. I hate her for being money hungry. I hate her for playing mind games with me. Knowing she does shit to get what she wants. I hate her for shoving God down my throat. I hate her using usingGod as an excuse to do all the bad things she’s done

I struggle with who I am because I sometimes still feel like that little girl. I am scared to live life freely because I still sometimes think I am being watched and I’m going to be judged. I don’t know what it feels like to live.I have cut that side of the family off. I stopped talking to them when I was 16. At 15 I became depressed started taking pills and was addicted to Xanax and Oxy. Where was God when I wanted to kill myself. Where was god when my mom was struggling to raise me and my 2 younger siblings and we were homeless. Where was god during my childhood ,when I watched ppl die, friends die , my mother get beat. Where was god when my mental health went down the drain. They always to me to pray but I was in church my entire life. God still didn’t hear my prayers. I am no longer addicted to pills. I’m in school to be a teacher because I love working with kids. I have an amazing job. Finally saved up enough money to get me my FIRST car. And my mental health the best it’s ever been. ALL BECAUSE OF ME. NOT A PRAYER. NOT A CHURCH. But I still have my moments where I am scared to live. How do I learn to just say fuck it and stopped being afraid of living life. Because at the end none of this shit really matters anyways. I just want to do things just to say and did it and give wild story’s to my kids and grand babies. Peace and love and to anyone struggling with religion I understand , you’re not alone. Do what makes you comfortable not what makes your family comfortable.

#reddit

[gay20056-blog]

[Chapter 4] Run Away Angel

Sky POV

"I hate you." Growled Tyler who sat across from Sky, arms folded glaring at Sky.

Sky rolled his eyes, "You're the one who got us caught!" He snapped pointing his finger at Tyler who growled threateningly.

"You're the one who decided we should skip school!" Sky screamed standing up, Tyler doing the same, "You're the one who had this dumbass idea!" The two got closer together screaming in each other's faces.

"And you're the one who joined me!" Tyler pushed Sky who snapped back and pushed him harder, Tyler falling onto the seats behind him . The two Than began to have a heated glaring match at each other.

A loud steady cough rang throughout the jail cell room, "Tyler, your parents are here to pick you up," the voice than opened the cell door allowing Tyler to leave, quickly exiting the jail cell with fear of his parents lingering in the room, Sky holding in a laugh at Tyler's fear.

Sky, who's father was uncontactable and mother dead, sat down on the ground looking around with disgust, cobwebs lingering around, spiders glaring at the young lonesome boy.

Sky could guess that the guard was sending Sky pitying looks towards him, but he wouldn't say anything, he wouldn't want to be put in isolation for beating the guard close to death.

"Kid, you've got bail." The guard said, confusing Sky.

He had no one, no one liked him, who would help him.

"It's the other kid who was with you." The guard shrugged letting Sky out who the. quickly ran up to the small family who stood in the front area waiting for him to get out.

"Hello, I'm Sky. I'm sorry you had to spend money on me," Sky said shamefully, "Bailing Tyler out was already a lot but to bail me out too wasn't just sweet but very expensive." Sky bowed his head.

Tyler's Mother And Father softly chuckled, "Its alright, we have plenty money. Now, you boys. Sky, we aren't your parents so we can't punish you but you two will never pull a stunt like that ever again! Or else!" The mother said sternly putting her hands on her hips.

Sky froze, or else...or else what? Would she hit them? Would she hit him? Would she choke him? Would she tell Jason? Rat out where Sky was hiding to his father?

Oh god, all these thoughts came rushing to his head. Not anymore frozen he ran, he ran out the building and ran. He only distantly heard them calling out to him, but he couldn't hear. Everything seemed to be when you have soundproof headphones on and you know that people are talking and there are noises but you can't hear them.

He ran, ran as fast as he could. His heart seemed to beat out of his chest. His mind racing. He couldn't breath. The whole world shook.

Sky ran into a forest nearby, he couldn't stop, his legs began to get wobbly, then he fell down a ditch rolling, scraping his arms and legs and a cut near his cheek, ruffling up his feathers which had mud, dirt, twigs and other disgusting things clinging to them.

"God damn it!" Sky roared angered, he went to get up but mud clung to him making him slip, he brought a hand to his face muffling his screeching.

Than with a tired groan he relaxed into a starfish laying down position, barely having the strength or courage to get up. After a tiny panic attack in front of his new friend and his friends parents it really did hurt, he might find him weird now. He'd lose the only other person that understood just how hellish it was to live.

"Fuck my life." Sky groaned, then he felt a soft drop of water. He blinked his eyes a couple of times than feeling soft drops fall near his eyes, "Oh my god," he groaned getting into a sitting position.

"It just had to rain!" He growled, he then made his wings protect him slightly from the rain, though he was already muddy and wet. It did help stop the cold breeze that attacked his body.

He brought a hand to his face to wipe away some of the lingering mud, some mud staying on though the water had it dribble down his face and onto his body.

He growled softly in annoyance when bits and pieces stuck to the fabrics of his clothing, if he was any dumber than he was now he'd shed his clothing but he knew he'd get hypothermia. But I mean, that was better than retuning to Jason.

The name Jason just always sent shivers down his spine, he tried not to think of the demon, the literal demon.

He limped as he walked, the cuts on his legs deeper than he thought, blood softly while other wounds pouring out his leg.

"Woah!" A voice yelled as they spotted Sky, "Holy shit! Are you alright!?" A literal furry beast ran out of no where, Sky would guess that it was a Bacca Hybrid, he was pretty damn well positive of it.

"Y-Yeah," he softly said, his feathers practically sticking up in fear wondering how'd he hurt Sky too, would he slit his throat? Gouge his eyes out? Rip his wings out to deny Sky of his freedom that was already limited.

"Follow me! I'll take you back to my hut and fix you up," the person grasped Sky to drag him but Sky stumbled almost falling into the mud.

The person looked backwards and stared at Sky giving him enough time to analyze the guy around his own age. Bright brown fur, dark brown eyes, fur having some mud in it but the fur seemed to stick to the body due to being sopping wet, finally a diamond axe strapped on their side.

The person thought for a second than said, "I guess you can't walk." Than the boy around Sky's age picked him up with ease, startling him.

'There goes my pride,' Sky sighed to himself, he wondered what would happen if anybody saw him being carried, the bullying would get so much worse. It would be hell even walking to school.

He was sure that even Tyler would make fun of him, this moment would confirm Sky's sexuality to anybody who only got a mere glimpse of the tinier boy being carried by the taller male.

Than sky's eyes dropped, relaxing into the warm body which provided shelter. Finally with a content sigh he leaned into the body, his body forcibly making him submit and sleep after having barely any sleep.

~~~~~

"1"

Sky looked around, hearing a child like voice.

"Who is there!?" He demanded, voice shaky with fear wondering what could happen, much better where was he. Especially if the bacca boy betrayed him and was using him as his toy.

"2"

The voice giggled, edge to it.

Sky frantically looked around, he began to back up until his back hit a wall, it was hard enough to be cement but Sky may be wrong.

"Jason's coming for you~"

Sky froze, he couldn't move. His breathing stilled, he couldn't think, his body had shook with fear though.

That's when he saw somebody walking up to him, a sinister smile on their face as they held a knife in their delicate hand, swinging the knife around as if the two were dancing.

"Aw~ Aren't you impressed? I can enter your dreams! Isn't that great! Now we can talk always~ You and I! Me and you! Always~ Nobody else~ But, my precious pet. I must wonder, why did you run away?"

Jason walked closer, his eyes blood red which was different than his bright blue that seemed to dazzle with the stars in the Sky. His gaze focused on Sky.

"Please!" Sky begged, "I wasn't running away from you! Please don't hurt me!" He sobbed, chest heaving.

Jason looked at Sky thoughtfully. Sky knew he wasn't thinking about anything though.

"Don't lie to me!"

Jason screamed, he brought a hand forcibly down cracking the cement behind Sky, He shook with every fiber of his being which wasn't a lot but he still shook. He looked up at the 5'8 male who looked down at Sky.

The world seemed to shake.

He brought a hand down brining Sky's head up with force, he cried out in pain as the knife twirled onto Sky's skin and danced from his wrist to his shoulder leaving a deep cut.

"Even with all these scars you're still beautiful,"

Jason muttered as he looked Sky up and down, taking in every scar the bullies, his father, or himself have caused.

"I would love to see your scars better~"

Jason slowly began to take off Sky's shirt.

"Please! Somebody help me!" Sky screamed.

___\\\

Sky jumped forward almost falling off the bed of which he had been laid upon, he quickly grabbed the nearest thing, a vase, and held it high ready to strike if anything got too close.

"Easy!" A voice yelled as they walked into the room.

His eyes dilated and with a split second of thought or regrets he chucked the vase at the person than bolted to the door. He was only able to throw open the door before the persons hands grasped at Sky's feminine hips and pulled him in.

Sky screamed out, "Somebody help me!" Tears rushes down his face as he tried to claw his way from the person.

"Calm your man tits!" The guy screamed throwing Sky onto the bed lightly to not cause any real damage.

"Where am I!?" Sky growled as he snarled like a wild animal trapped in a corner surrounded by a hungry pack of animals.

The boy sighed, bringing a hand to his face as he rubbed his temple, "I think we got off on a wrong start, I'm Jerome, I helped you after you passed out in my arms and I had taken you to my little hut." The boy named Jerome called out as he did a tiny twirl with his arms stretched out to show his point.

"I've lived all alone since I was old enough to hunt!" Jerome added on proudly.

Sky sighed as he plopped back onto the bed, "I'm sorry Jerome, I had a nightmare and it startled me. I'm Sky by the way." He replied to Jerome as he tucked his fluffed feathers behind his back.

"It's alright, Sky. You were startled that's all!" Jerome comforted Sky, "Do you want to talk about it?" He questioned as he sat on the end of the bed near Sky and placed a comforting soft fuzzy hand on his back.

He looked down at the ground as he looked at his hands, noticing a small thin line from where Jason had cut had been marked on his skin, this meant that Jason could harass Sky while he slept too.

Just.Fucking.Great.

"No-" Sky replied softly, "I have to leave, my roommate will kill me if I don't." He quickly added on, though seen as a joke it wasn't to be taken lightly, Jason would kill him. But Jason was all he had, his only home. He needed Jason. Jason would stay.

'Jason was good, Jason did this to me to help me, he didn't mean to hurt me, Jason loves me. He's my only friend-' Sky said to himself.

"Though he sucks he's all I have, Jason is kind. Jason doesn't want to hurt me, he does what's best for me."

Sky quickly stood up, "I have to go." Sky wrapped his wings around himself to prepare against the cold weather.

"At least take this map!" Jerome handed Sky a map, "Stay safe, it gets bad out here late at night and it seems the sun will set soon," Jerome pointed out.

Sky nodded than left the home, a quick handshake with Jerome and he was gone.

"It's cold," Sky said out-loud as he walked out of the first finally making it to civilization, to the school with dorms. His school.

Sky noticed there were no police, ambulances..anything...

Normally when a student went missing they'd send a search.

'I guess I'm that replaceable," Sky muttered to himself though only softly barely able to be heard.

~~~~~

[lexzepp]

Depression

Good morning everyone, It's Saturday morning 7 am to be exact and I told myself I'm sleeping in on this day off but that never happens. Let's cover a touchy topic. A topic I know a lot about, depression. Depression is real and I'm one to know a lot because I have suffered myself from depression. When I was 11 years old, I experienced death from someone I loved so much. His name was Roger Briggs. My brother was in the Navy and he always was shy and to himself, that when he met Roger, he allowed himself to show his real personality. They were best friends, brothers. My brother had brought Roger home on leave and we all immediately loved him. I was that little sibling that tried to hangout with my older siblings and their friends, and sometimes my siblings didn't want that, but Roger always included me in everything. He was my big brother, my parents other son, my brothers brother, my sisters lover. He was so goofy and fun, always wanted to explore and do different things. Always wanted to live life to the fullest. Everytime my brother and him went on leave we always went to California to go snow boarding or sea world just always did fun things. Well, one day Roger let my brother know he had gotten a motorcycle. And my brother knowing how radical Roger could be, he told him to be careful and not to be driving it crazy. I just remember coming home from school one day my mom telling me that Roger had been in an accident. We didn't know at the time how serious it was, especially cause we knew Roger was always doing crazy things so we didn't think it was critical. Once my dad and brother flew out to Fresno, California to see him, we knew it was serious. Roger was in critical condition. We would get updates on the fact that he moved a finger and we would celebrate. I would go to school every single day and my teacher would let me have 30 minutes to write Roger a letter and draw a picture until he was out of the hospital. What I never knew, was that he wouldn't make it out of the hospital. I one day came home from school and fell asleep in my bed. I had a VIVID dream of Roger and I under my bed in a fort we built, reading books. And he turned to me and said "I'm okay Alexa, I love you and your family so much." And the dream ended cause I woke up and started crying. My dad came in my room and keep in mind I'm 11 years old. I don't like crying in front of people so I instantly wiped my tears when he came in, and he said what's wrong Alexa? I told him about my dream. And then and there, life hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. My dad got on his knees and told me that Roger is with God. And he saw the pain in my eyes and tears flooded down my face. Roger had been gone from almost 2 months and I was just finding out. I was so upset they never told me, but they wanted to protect me. Especially cause I was so close to him and I was so young I didn't understand Death. We were inseparable. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I was in such disbelief I was so angry at them for not telling me, I was angry with the world. Why him? Why... I suffered through bad depression at such a young age that it only got worse and worse as I grew. I hated myself, I never was confident. I was always such a happy kid but the inner me had these off days where I questioned my life. I eventually opened up to my parents about my depression. Depression isn't necessarily something bad that has to happen to feel it. It could just be an inner struggle. I understand it completely. As I got older, I was a freshman. Just starting high school. I had met a guy that was a senior! I jumped into this almost 5 year relationship. I really do regret that relationship. This has always been a hard topic to discuss but it's time that I do ,boldly. Well it was a good relationship for the first 9 months. But then it became crazy. I was his property, I was so naive. I didn't know what I deserved. I didn't know i could get anyone else, he made me feel that he was the only one who would ever "love" me. He had the upperhand in the relationship. His age had a lot to do with it. It was a bad toxic relationship, being asked what I'm wearing to school everyday, telling me I couldn't dress up cause I was trying to impress other guys, checking my phone every single day. It was bad, those who knew me in high school saw that I would leave class upset or come in class upset because of him. He was manipulative... he knew how to get in my head and he knew how to apologize and keep me. It started out with verbal abuse, that hurt a lot especially since he knew about my depression. He would hit my soft spots. Anything I told him I felt insecure about he would bring up in fights. It hurt so bad. I didn't know who to tell or how to leave him. I always kept it to myself and just would turn my phone off or accept it the abuse. Next came physical abuse... God, I don't know why it happened, many many times. But it did. To the point where he hit me so hard in the face I had to lie to my family about being hit by a door. He hurt me so much , always put his hands on me and of course I would defend myself but he would get more mad. I was 16, I knew if I told someone it would get worse. I knew if I told my dad who is a crazy New Yorker, he would go to prison. I didnt my want that. I was ashamed of myself, I was a fucking idiot... but I was young, I felt on top of the world when we were good but beneath the world when we weren't. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. Well anyways, once graduation got closer my senior year, my looks started to change, got my braces off. Was prepping for college... he started to realize that I wasn't caring anymore about him. I was over his shit, I was focused on my future. I ended up breaking up with him. He went CRAZY....he ended up showing up to my college to watch me in the parking lot, he stalked me at my job when I worked at pacsun. My manager and him almost fought because he kept coming in to harass and stalk me. He would show up to my window and pound on it at night. I finally told my parents we broke up, and they loved him. They had no clue what was going on behind closed doors because of me. I hid it so well... it's my fault. Well some time came and he was dropping off some of my stuff while my parents weren't home, I just remember he pushed me and I fell on the floor. And he ran into my room , he was searching for my phone to see if I was texting other guys, keep in mind we were broken up. I got up to grab his shirt and told him to get out, and he pushed me over our dog gate into the wall. He locked himself in my room. I had it there, I called 911 and put them on speaker so he could hear I wasn't kidding. He ended up leaving and the cops called him to tell him if he comes back they will arrest him. Well two days later comes by and my dog started barking. She only did that when someone was home, it was 5 am. My mom went to see why she was barking and we had an empty room with a mattress up against the wall, belle was barking at the mattress, my mom moves it and he's standing there in all black, hiding. My mom freaked out cause she knew we broke up on a bad note. He had my keys. He stole them, he ended up running out so fast she didn't know where he went. We got his mom involved because his parents were supposedly "strict" my parents explained to her that he needs mental help. He broke into our house?? His mom didn't take it serious at all. She brushed his actions off. they agreed that that's the last time we will ever interact and that he will "stay away" . Well months later my parents decided to go to Puerto Rico on vacation, and I had to watch belle. Our family member, our dog. She meant so much to me. I had went out that night to a stupid party that i regret, I came home to belles kennel wide open when I left it locked. There was pee on the floor, a broken window, someone broke in and took her. Long story short, we found out it was him. We had solid evidence from blood on the windows and exchanged messages he left with someone about her, he took her and we never found out what he did to her. He was arrested for a day. A fucking day. He knew how much she meant to me and to us. When my brother got deployed, and Roger had passed away, I was depressed... badly depressed. My one wish was for a puppy, something to help me overcome it. I got belle and she made me so happy. My first pet, the most amazing thing I had. He knew the concept behind it which is why he took her. I got a restraining order against him , I know.. finally. I thought my dad was going to prison over this guy. A lot of shit went down, my mom became a dog advocate. She goes to the shelter everyday out in buckeye, a long drive from their house. Looking for bellle till today. My heart hurts knowing not only did he target me but my family. I wish I could take the pain away, I wish he did something to me instead. Not an innocent animal. It hurts so bad. Well New Years 2014 going into 2015 came, and we all had a New Years party, some friends and I from high school. Well it was about 1 am ish in the morning and the party was ending, I just remember Erik showing up and trying to drag me out of the house, we had no idea how he got there, but all of my friends had my back. My guy friends immediately took action and handled him. He ended up getting in his car and running over one of my good friends and another girl who is almost half paralyzed till today. That night was like a scene in a life time movie. I was in complete shock, people were saying this girl was dead, I saw her. She was in a pile of blood just laying there looking life less. I wanted to die... I was exhausted of these constant things that were happening because of him. All I could think about was him coming to kill me or my family. I suffered through the worst depression of my life after that. I wanted to commit suicide, I was scared. I was sad, I didn't know what to do. I shut myself completely out of the world. I quit my job, dropped out of college, just locked myself in my room for a solid 2 months. My mom would have to unlock my door to bring me food. I lost so much weight, I had all this guilt on my shoulders. He caused so much pain to everyone, innocent people because he was mad about a break up. I was the reason behind this all. I started to go to counseling and support groups. Wasn't a fan of support groups since it was an open wound but I appreciated the counseling that the Peoria police department gave me for free. It helped me. It saved me. He went to jail for 3 months then was released to where we went to trial. Somehow he won trial? We had surgeons, cops, witnesses, victims there to testify against him. We had no clue how he won, we went to re try it, but he had taken a plea deal. So he currently is in jail. This is something many people may or may not know. My life has came a long way. I believe that things happen for a reason, why me? I don't know. I know people have it worse than this. I try to not feel bad for myself, but damn I have experienced a lot at the age of 11-19 years old. But here I am today, happy, healthy, with a blessed family. I believe this all happened so I could meet Kevin and have Eva. I try to look at the bright side. Don't judge, because you never know what people go through. Many people out there may not like me, but I promise I'm a good person. I would never do harm to anyone, I love people. And you never know the shit someone's dealing with. You have to try to see through that and get to know someone before judging them. Do I look like I've been through hell? Probably not because that's the beauty of hiding it or putting up a front. I still have my days where I sit in the shower and reflect, and just cry. But I know that things will be ok. Depression is shitty but always find things to make you happy. Music and photography are my thing 😌🦋