#literally everyone in md has tried to kill someone else

[darkxwolf17]

Please tell me we aren't actually doing this 😭

#literally everyone in md has tried to kill someone else #fucking chill guys a canonically toxic ship isn't the end of the world #AUs exist!!! unless its an actually harmful ship (eg. pedophilic or incestual) #then shut up i dont want to hear it #also wait till this mf hears i ship voll. giggles

[stellocchia]

This is part 6 of the Comprehensive Analysis of c!Tommy and c!Dream’s relationship during the Exile Arc

Part 1 -  Part 2 -  Part 3 -  Part 4 -  Part 5

Here we go again. So, just to clarify: I honestly think that for the Mexican Dream stream almost only the parts where Dream is Dream and not Mamacita are canon, but I will check those other ones out as well for anything interesting. Drista’s stream however is like as vaguely canon as possible, so I will mostly give a general outline of it more so then analizing it bit by bit.

That said, a reminder that from here on out I will be only talking about the characters unless stated otherwise and that we will be talking about sensitive topics, so keep that in mind.

First stream we will be looking at is the infamous Mexican Dream stream: Tommy Speaks to Mexican Dream in Exile

Once again Tommy wakes up drowning, again just slightly further away from the coast in the opposite direction from L’Manburg. He also immediately takes off his armour.

“Wait, no, we don’t have enough friends to afford being angry at people” (by now even Tommy himself doesn’t value much his own feelings)

“So at the end of our last Dream smp stream, uh, we died [non canonically], but it’s okay because I got some of our things-” *Dream joins the game* *distressed noises* (I’m never not gonna point out Tommy’s reactions at Dream appearing)

Dream appears and immediately digs the hole for the armour. Tommy immediately gives it up actually apologizing for not doing it even before. Also right after this Dream investigates on wether or not someone visited Tommy while he was gone and he finds out about Ranboo.

“I’ve just been trying to keep you company” “Yeah, yeah, no, it’s been pretty nice” “We’ve became better friends” “Yeah, yeah, we have” (Dream and his ‘friendship’ agenda)

This is when they meet Mexican Dream who was just outside Tommy’s Nether portal. An interesting thing I want to point out is Dream immediately moving directly in front of Tommy when he notices him (probably got used by now to assuming a defensive position).

“We’ll make this place like home man...” (MD already making everything better)

“What did you [Dream] do to him man?” “No but he is my friend now, apparently- I think. You are my-?” (immediately starts questioning things with MD presence there challenging Dream’s)

“I’m your new friend man” “Oh, do you need me to put my items in a pit for you?” (...) “This is what Dream always makes me do, is this right?” (looking once again at Dream for approval in the last bit)

“Hey, wait, so now that you’re here do I even need to follow this man?” (talking about Dream here)

“Okay, wait, how do I know that this isn’t a Dream? Because I keep having Dream’s and shit. I’m like a hallucinator” (so we can add recurrent hallucinations to his ever increasing list of symptoms)

"Even though he may be naked and homeless- are you homeless? Do you need a home?” “I’m homeless man” (And this is why MD was a problem to Dream, he was more then willing to stay with Tommy)

“Oh no that guy [a squid] has committed suicide just at the sound of it! Oh that’s... I envy him” (he is now openly suicidal)

“I don’t like Mexican Dream, Mexican Dream is weird” (sure it’s not just because he admitted to wanting to move to Logstedshire permanently there Dream?)

“Alright, Thomas, come over here, come over here” *Dream starts following as well* “NO! NO! You stay the fuck away!” (this is why we love MD)

“You know actually, he is sort of actually borderline my owner” (I hate that there was a time were both Tommy and Dream thought this)

After this Dream swaps for Mamacita, so I’m really not sure how canon things are here... there is a scene where MD comforts Tommy while he’s looking at pictures of Tubbo and then Mamacita destroys all but one of them.

“I really miss my family man” “Oh I miss my- I miss my family too” (would his family be Tubbo for Tommy?)

Dream does swap back to being Dream for the last 25 minutes. And he proceeds to immediately takes one of MD’s lives. It’s technically his second life because the first one was from a creeper exploding.

“No no shoot me not them, [the pictures of MD’s friends(?)] actually shoot them. I definitely don’t have my confidence back” (Dream immediately setting him back on his progress)

Right after the kill Tommy asks if he can bodyguard Dream in hopes of keeping him and MD from fighting so that MD would be safe. It doesn’t work. Also pretty sure that Dream canonically decapitated somebody. 

“Mexican Dream, I-I’ve had enough of you” (Dream immediately ging back to be terrifying right there)

Dream then takes MD’s third canon life. Of course, in true Dream style, he immediately ignores all the distress Tommy is in and moves on like nothing happened.

“You just killed my last friend” (I hate that he’s not even angry)

“So Dream, do I not have any friends left?” “What do you mean ‘you don’t have any friends left’? You have me!” (Dream is the only friend that Dream is willing to allow Tommy to have)

Also I want to point out how Dream keeps ignoring any and all accusations of having killed MD, despite having done so right in front of Tommy. And then he proceeds to try and convince Tommy that he died of a drug overdose (which is just yet another example of gaslighting there from Dream). He then proceeds to make Tommy burn his remains, despite Tommy opposing this quite a bit.

“I know I haven’t really delved into my health with you ever, because I know you don’t really care, but I don’t think I have really long left” (at least he is somewhat aware about Dream not caring)

“I thought maybe we could have someone move in with us today, no. No He doesn’t allow that. Which is fine! Which is fine because, you know, it’s his- his uh- his rules now”

Once again I want to point out that this truly is just a glorified kidnapping. Tommy not only is confined to a very small area and not allowed to keep many items, he also doesn’t get to have anyone move in his area. Dream doesn’t want him to have any company that isn’t him, going as far as to literally kill someone to insure it (not too different from what he was planning to do in the season 2 finale). Either way the stream ends on a very pessimistic note about Tommy not having the will to go on for much longer at this point. 

Now let’s move on to the Drista stream: TommyInnit Speaks To Dream's Sister AGAIN

As I said I’ll just give a general outline for this one since it’s honestly barely canon as is, so here we go:

Tommy doesn’t start off drowning this time. Drista arrives and starts immediately being chaotic as usual. They mess around for a while in the Nether, start building a tower (Dream at one point tries to convince Drista that it was Tommy to have killed MD), get bored and mess around some more. Also Drista gives Tommy a bedrock block and writes “Drista” out of bedrock near Logstedshire. Then Drista convinces Dream to let them go back to the main Smp for a while (though we do see Punz trying to kill him for breaking the rules before finding out Dream had given his permission). Once in Dream Smp they meet up with Quackity for a little bit.

Also, Tommy, king of always being in character, constantly asks very uncertainly: “Are you sure that I’m allowed here? This feels wrong...”

They then spawn in a bunch of dogs and wonder around in the smp. After a while Techno gets added to the call and Tubbo starts kinda following them around (though Tommy thinks he has a hallucination). I honestly don’t think any of this is canon. Anyway after a while Techno gets a bedrock block as well and he almost manages to give a stolen Pigstep to Tommy, but it gets intercepted. After a while their time is up and he has to go back by Dream’s order. 

“If you don’t see me again in this, you know, in this shape, I’m sorry. (...) Yeah, in this alive form on this server... you might see me you knoa a bit- a bit- I don’t know... maybe a bit ghostly” (foreshadowing to his death that never actually happened during the Exile Arc thankfully)

The stream ends with a promise from Dream that he’ll be there the day after.

Moving on to the last one for today, we have Quackity’s visit: Quackity Visits TommyInnit in Exile

So, Quackity decides to go visit Tommy to try (and miserably failing) to lift his mood by giving him gifts supposedly from everyone in L’Manburg (which are pictures).

“I’ve got no reason to live” (and we start off immediately in the most depressing way possible)

Also, while we’re talking about this stream I have to point out that Tommy has a lot of self-harming behaviours, mostly drowning himself and shooting himself with arrows. Which is rather worrying to say the least.

“Big Q I have very little will to live right now” (again he's very open about his suicidal thoughts by now)

“Forget about Tubbo! Listen, listen Tommy, there are so many things you can turn to when you’re depressed, alright?” “I’m not depressed... I’ve got Dream, I’ve got Dream, I’ve got Dream” “Dream?! (...) Who escorted you out of L’Manburg? Who escorted you out of L’Manburg? Who gave you 30 minutes to go to L’manburg? [In the Drista visit]” “I want Dream”

This is Quackity trying albeit clumsily, to break Tommy out of Dream’s conditioning, though by this point it was far too ingrained for anything to be effective. Also we can see Tommy asking for Dream when he is distressed, which is something that keeps happening during the Bedrock Boys Arc as well.

After a little bit they decide to build a church and a “gambling place”. Techno also joins them after a while. (Also, according to Quackity, c!Dream is canonically racist for killing MD, do with that what you will). Also why does Quackity have a flight or flirt instinct with Techno?

Tommy, sarcastically: “I’m fine, I’m okay, it’s not like I have canonical depression”. That is a fair objection in any and all conversations. 

The stream end a while later with nothing else of note. It is very funny though, so do give it a watch if you feel like it.

#tommyinnit #dreamwastaken #quackity #dream smp #exile arc #tw abuse #tw self harm #tw suicidal thoughts #long post #my post #relationship analysis #character analysis #this is basically the lightest post in the exile arc series #mostly because they all have questionable canonicity #though we do know now that md was entirely canon #so there's that #anyway next one will be the last one and then I'm free #also md says 'man' as frequently as dream says 'tommy' #I don't know what to do with that information

[shima-draws]

GIVE us the Tododeku AU content sis

OKAY GOOD now I have an actual excuse to just word dump on y’all. Okay.

I literally have at least 10 Tododeku AUs all floatin around in the good ol thinking chamber but! One of the ones I’ve been thinking about a LOT is a fairy AU. Basically this is the second half of SAO season 1 but it’s actually Good and does not take place in a virtual world, it’s all real. That’s literally it LMAO

So everybody is a fairy!! Because I’m a slut for fairy AUs! They all have pointy ears and wings and it’s peak character design because I said so. A lot of fairies can use elemental magic, which is sorted into 6 distinct categories: wind, fire, earth, water, holy, and dark elements. This is further split up by weapons that fairies can use to fight monsters, each other, etc. There’s classes of weapons, which are sorted into: swords, dual swords/blades, rods, bows, daggers, rapiers, and maces. All of these are infused with magic. Quirks are divided into elements in this AU, and are referred to as magic. (I’m literally stealing all of this from SAO MD. Thank you MD for a good battle system I can actually use in an AU lmao)

The AU takes place after everything big has happened. At this point Izuku’s already known worldwide as the hero who saved them all from All For One, and who inherited All Might’s power. He’s been on his world saving quest already! So he knows everybody. He’s really close with Iida, Uraraka, Bakugou, Kirishima, and Todoroki especially. And of course, Toshi, who is his main father figure.

Because I love what we were already given in the standard BNHA fantasy AU, Todoroki is a prince, and is a very special type of elemental because he’s a dual type, which are literally as rare as rare can get. Elementals are already pretty rare as they come, so the fact that he has TWO (fire and water) is pretty incredible. This gains him a lot of unwanted attention on top of being a prince, and he hates it. Thanks to Izuku not knowing how to keep his nose out of other people’s business, he manages to literally save Todoroki from his own fate, fixes (most of) his issues with Endeavor, and allows Todoroki to accept his own power and abilities. (So, like in canon, p much.) It does not take long for Todoroki to fall head over heels in love with Izuku. Izuku has a massive crush on him as well. They’ve kinda been dancing around each other for months since they saved the world. Bakugou is literally sick of them beating around the damn bush and can’t stand to be in a room with both of them LMAO

Now as for how the AU actually begins—Todoroki wakes up at the crack of dawn to find Yaomomo barging into his room to give him an urgent letter from Toshi. Todoroki reads it and promptly flips his shit because Izuku has apparently been kidnapped by All For One (“I THOUGHT WE KILLED THAT FUCKER???”) Todoroki goes on a rampage and immediately goes to meet up with Toshi and the rest of Class 1-A to figure out what the hell is going on.

Toshi reveals that while Izuku has been kidnapped apparently the villains have no intention to harm him (Bakugou: BULLSHIT.) As a sort of last hurrah because he’s literally on his last leg, AFO decided to set up this little quest for the entire world to participate in, and Izuku has basically become the prize. AFO announces that Izuku’s been taken to the top of the World Tree—the center of the world, the thing that brings all life, and is said to be literally IMPOSSIBLE to scale because people have tried and nobody has ever made it to the top before. (There’s an anti-flying, unbreakable magic barrier around it, go figure.) AFO says that Izuku, the world’s hero, is willingly cooperating in this operation (which is obviously a lie but. Yeah). AFO proposes a competition—whoever can make it to the top of the World Tree will be granted all of his riches, power, and fame, AND will be given the privilege to have Izuku’s hand in marriage.

Literally everyone goes into shock at that because there is no doubt that the whole fucking world is gonna be going after this. As a chance to get famous or get money or because they want a shot at becoming Hero Deku’s spouse—there will be THOUSANDS of fairies trying to get to the top of the World Tree. Todoroki literally has a nervous breakdown and a very intense panic attack right then and there because he loves Izuku so much, SO MUCH, more than anybody else, and Izuku’s going to be married off like he’s some object and not a person, and if Todoroki doesn’t make it to him first he’ll lose him. He will literally lose the love of his life and the whole group has to take a good twenty minutes to calm him down.

Bakugou says he’s obviously going to make it to the top first—not for Izuku, not for the fame and riches either, but just because he wants to be the first, because he wants to prove that he can. Uraraka and Iida immediately tell Todoroki they’ll back him up all the way. The whole group is like “UH YEAH WE’RE GOING TO GET MIDORIYA” and decide to split into smaller sections and all try to get up to the top in their own ways. THEN THE RACE BEGINSSSSS

Meanwhile Izuku is determined to be the WORST house guest ever because while AFO might have literally blackmailed him into agreeing to this deal (AFO threatened to burn down half of the world’s cities and kill his mother and Toshi and Izuku doesn’t doubt he will because he knows that AFO knows where Toshi and his mom are. Oof) Izuku is not required to just sit patiently and be a good boy and be nice. AFO has him all dressed up in super fancy clothing and has all of the villains treat Izuku like a fairy king but Izuku acts like the worst little shit and it’s so fucking funny. While he essentially throws a tantrum and threatens to break AFO’s spine in half he’s secretly really really worried because? He doesn’t want to get married off, what the fuck? He at least hopes that some of his friends will try to come for him but he knows he should really depend more on himself than on them. But part of him really, really hopes that Todoroki will try to get to him first, and not just because he wants to save him. (Izuku: If Shouto gets here first that means he’ll have the right to marry me...would he actually do it, though?)

So the rest of it is just. Todoroki and the others making their way up the World Tree, battling off any potential suitors, Iida and Uraraka preventing Todoroki from disemboweling anybody who makes stakes on Izuku, them solving puzzles and fighting monsters and! Lots of fun stuff as they go up. It’s a good time. Izuku is not having a good time but he’s determined to make the villains’ life a living hell if it’s the last thing he’ll do and Aizawa would be SO proud of him. Todoroki is seething for 80% of this AU. 10% he’s Big Anxiety about someone reaching Izuku first, and the other 10% is him being massively gay for Izuku. It’s the perfect spicy combo

#Shima answers questions #THANKS FOR LETTING ME INFODUMP LOL #BNHA #Tododeku #Todoizu #TDDK #Boku no Hero Academia #MHA #My Hero Academia #Todoroki Shouto #Midoriya Izuku #All Might #All For One #Toshinori Yagi #Bakugou Katsuki #Uraraka Ochako #Iida Tenya #Kirishima Eijirou #Shima’s AUs #World Tree AU #Long post #That’s what I’m callin it yup!!

[izziegs]

Okay so TMA 187 analysis here, a bit more “Jon’s judgment of Helen was not entirely correct” from another Spiral fan

1. I think Jon’s analysis of Helen is (ha ha) distorted by A) his desire to justify her death despite her friendliness, and B) automatically made untrustworthy by the fact that Jon has never understood the Distortion. Helen has expressed before that him Knowing things about her is not the same as Understanding things, and he’s made it very clear before that he does not Understand (MD and HD are fusions, essentially. Combinations of the Spiral’s manifestation: the Distortion, and a human. In the same way Garnet is a combo of Ruby and Sapphire but not truly either of them, Helen Distortion has Helen Richardson in her, but is not actually Helen Richardson. She is both Helen and not, and was never Michael, though the Distortion was. Honestly, Jon, it’s not complicated)

2. We even saw this with Michael - I can’t forget that Jon assumed the Distortion was just a manifestation of the Spiral, not an avatar, and he seemed to take the revelation that Michael Shelley was an assistant as a sort of...betrayal, almost? Something that definitely threw off his idea of good-bad, where even though avatars could be bad their humanity kept them from becoming as monstrous as Michael, and the sudden shock of hearing otherwise, of seeing what he could become...I don’t think he ever bounced back from that.

3. Jon has always seen the worst in Helen. In 115, she came back to him for emotional help/venting/advice/connection and he lashed out at her, scared of seeing her become like Michael, still sore from betrayal from the Stranger, etc. From the get-go he decided this was just a Thing using Helen’s face, and even when she immediately told him otherwise, he rejected it. (“I don’t believe you” - “I have never told you a lie”) He chalked her vulnerability up to manipulation, and has never truly turned his view of her away from that initial assessment

4. 131 shows a lot of the same (“You’re still wearing her face” - “I’m not ‘wearing’ anything”) This episode Helen deliberately pushes against Jon’s desire to neatly separate them into bad and good, something Melanie pulls them away from to refocus on Jared

5. 143 doesn’t have them fight quite as much, though Jon does still seem very suspicious. Helen just shows up to eat Manuela and give Jon and Basira a door home

6. 157 - aka the day Jon uses as justification he was right Helen was never on his side even though it is One Thing. They’ve met four times prior to this and he’s been mean to her every time. I can understand her abstaining from helping him, especially when she thinks the end result will help her, and double especially when helping Jon would put her directly on the bad side of two very powerful avatars (Also, as Helen said, “If that makes it my fault, then surely this is Georgie’s fault as well, and Melanie’s-”. AFAIK, he’s not upholding that as proof those two are bad and against him)

7. Post-apocalypse, Helen tries to give Jon the advice he refused to give her. When she was fully accepting her avatar status, she just wanted someone she thought could help her, and now she’s trying to be that person for Jon. Hearing her later desire to keep the world as is, it would also make sense that she might’ve been trying to get him to agree with her, however, unlikely, so they could continue “helping” each other/wouldn’t have to have that inevitable fight. Something else notable about her in the Eye’s world: she forces Jon to stop withholding info from Martin. She forces them to talk about difficult topics (Smiting powers, where’s Basira/how is she, Martin’s domain) and had essentially become a more reliable source of info than Jon is. While her popping up was beneficial to Martin, it was annoying to Jon, and possibly also part of why he continued not liking her.

8. Now all of that, looking at 187: Again, Jon very quickly establishes that he doesn’t understand how Helen works (“I am not [Michael], and never have been. Surely you know all this by now”) and then explicitly says he is currently making judgments based on feeling instead of logic (which is not a new development, looking at his choices since The Eye Opens). 

Here I’m going to go over a few of his specific lines from 187:

“Now you use her form, see her mind, but they’re just… tools.” - If that were true, there’d be no reason Helen would act completely differently than Michael did. If this were just a monster using a human’s mind for manipulation advice, why have a totally new personality? Helen is Helen, but Jon’s still stuck in his season 3 mindset

“Michael had nothing you could use but a razor-straight desire for vengeance, but you saw something in Helen that would work on me much more subtly. So you took her” - Bold of Jon to assume Helen taking over the Distortion was that influenced by him, lol. If the Distortion wanted you done for Jonathan, they’d have just kept Michael and let him eat you like he planned. Not everything’s about you.

“How long have you been working with Elias?” - This one is interesting because if he knows everything, he should’ve known whether or not Helen knew Elias (unless he assumed she could get into the Panopticon where he can’t see). Michael knew Elias, pre-Distortion, but Helen’s not talked to him. Jon didn’t think Jude Perry was working for Elias, despite her clear revelry in the new world. I think it’s weird he assumed that about Helen (unless he was also using that to justify her death)

Her commentary during his statement is funny, but interesting. The perfect time to attack him if she really wanted to, if she really had been building up to that like he thought she was, and she spends the time joking about him and Martin living in a Honeymoon Suite in her apocalypse hotel

“Is a friendship true, or is it reaching out with hands that cut you?” - Another interesting line to me because when Michael told Sasha he wanted to be her friend he deliberately manipulated his hand so that he could hold her hand without cutting her

“You worked to hurt us and help us, all with the same smile, until we can barely tell one from the other” - I think Jon is talking about Michael and Helen as one person in this part, but specifically with Helen she literally didn’t hurt you Jon she had one time she didn’t help 

“Never quite crossing a line we could never forgive, but never putting yourself on the line either.” - Yeah, Jon, that’s what most people would do, tbh. It’s not unforgivable that she didn’t put her life on the line to help someone who has only ever been mean to her. Actually, she helped him more than most people would if treated that way

“It’s not me I’m worried about” - Another interesting line because even as he’s killing her, Helen’s final threat is to hold him in the halls until the End eventually gets his friends. She never threatens to harm any of them (because they’re her friends) - Edit: I can see how it could be interpreted as her threatening them buttt idk if she can kill them in the new world so I assumed it was End related. Still no empty threats, no real lies from her yet - Also, I think she genuinely does not want to kill Martin or Jon, she wants them to turn so they can all be friends without those messy ~moral hangups~

“If you do this, everyone inside me is dead!” - I wonder if this is true. I can’t tell if Jon was the only one that fell out of the halls in front of Martin. It’s not like the other domains, where taking the avatar in charge may usher in a new one. The Distortion was Helen. If this sentence is true, then Jon just murdered that mom and very possibly orphaned that five-year-old. Not just gonna brush that one off there

“Its hidden teeth and the ones it wears so proudly.” - Even in the end Jon still Doesn’t Get It. He still thinks the Distortion is pretending to be Helen. Was pretending to be Michael. As much as he should be an all-knowing being, he clearly still rejects what he doesn’t like

I don’t have a specific quote but Jon acting like the Distortion has had a constant motivation or like, consistent desire (outside of “cause problems for fun”) is wild because Michael explicitly told Jon he didn’t want the Watcher’s Crown to happen. Michael was going to kill Jon to stop it. He was on the exact side Jon is on right now. But I guess it’s easy for Jon to paint him as evil when the roles were revered, huh?

If you’re still reading this, uh. Hi. I really really like the Distortion (Michael and Helen) and I am Very Upset with Jon right now

Edit: This is not an argument on whether or not Helen was evil or if Jon was right to kill her too to save the world. She was absolutely evil and I can see why Jon felt her death was necessary I'm just saying he was wrong about her lying to him

#tma #the magnus archives #helen richardson #helen distortion #michael shelley #michael distortion #jon sims #tma 187 #tma spoilers #this is 1400 words of me analyzing every Helen appearance ever

[giannisbct-blog]

A wild ride

Right so I am finally getting round to do this as I have been putting it off for a few weeks so if it doesn’t make sense or I miss things, oh bother. So far this semester we have had a new idea each week. We get tot the end of the week and then we hate it and want a new one. Since my last blog our idea moved to looking into something that used the location of instagram photos to show how the originality of photography (particularly travel photography) has started to die due to social media. We thought of maybe a camera that when you take a photo it actually gives you a photo someone else has taken in a similar area or an average of images taken in the same area. Another idea was to do an installation that did something with heat maps or geolocations on maps or just something of the likes but that went downhill. To develop this I wrote some code in Python (which was a very steep learning curve) to essentially map the locations of photos onto a google maps map. The issue is that Instagram didn’t want to give us access to any public data that wasn’t published by ourselves or by them so we were not going to be able to get the data that we wanted and all we had to go off was the instagram supplied geolocations. So I turned to twitter as I knew that with their API they would be able to give us access to the data we need, unfortunately they literally got back to me today granting me access and I applied for it 3 weeks ago so I am glad we have moved on.

Our next idea (which we have decided that regardless if we like it or hate it we have to roll with it because we are far to deep in the semester to change again) revolves still around social media but how the Bystander affect is amplified through social media. The Bystander Stander effect was first coined by Bibb Latane and John Darley after the 1964 Kitty Genovese murder in New York City in which it was reported in the New York Times that there were 38 witness and not a single one called the police or tried to intervene. The concept is that people are less likely to help someone or intervene in a situation if there are other around who are as capable as they are, so it acts as a diffusion of responsibility. They also went on to mention that individuals monitor the behaviour of those around them to determine how to act. So in the situation where no one is helping then someone is less likely going to help but as soon as someone helps, everyone else becomes more willing. This has been referred to as the ‘Helper Effect’ by Ken Brown in his TED talk, where he explains that the bystander effect can be a negative but as soon as it becomes the helper effect it becomes a positive. 

In the age of social media, the bystander effect shows up in different forms. Firstly, there are the people who film events or situations instead of helping out or intervening. The classic example is when United Airlines dragged the passenger off the plane because they had over-booked it. In the videos posted online, there is a woman that can be heard screaming and telling them to stop but not a single person gets up and tries to intervene. These people want to capture these situation and then post them online in order to gain popularity and likes and don’t appear to care if the person is helped or not. On the other side is the people who watch these videos and don’t do anything except “like” and keep scrolling. By extension you are part of the bystander effect as you haven’t intervened but you have witnessed it. It is the same sort of thing as people who post things to “bring awareness to a problem”, you aren’t soling it or fixing the issue and chances are the people who see your content won’t either so you are all just sitting idly by watching. The same sort of thing I notice in the BCT, a lot of projects aim to “raise awareness” but how many set out to actually try and fix the issue. Ironic because that is sort of what our project is too. Back to social media though, the most common form of the bystander effect is posts that have the picture of a sick child and then it says ‘100,000 likes to save his life’. People like it and feel they are doing good but at the end of the day the person who posted the image isn’t waiting for that number to tick on over from 99,999 likes so he can get to work. There is even an entire website set up specifically for viewing horrible things like this called Live Leak and people will literally post videos of people getting killed and others will watch it

So what are we going to do? Well we initially thought of setting up a scene that people can look into and in the middle there is someone who has injured themselves or maybe even are dying. The audience would be able to view the situation but not be able to interact with it at all except that they can “like” it. We would then have a leaderboard that they could see who has liked it the most and therefore “sent more prayers and thoughts” or raised more awareness or helped more, but in reality the situation hasn’t changed. The idea that this is the only way they can interact reflects how removed we are from situations like this due to social media. Since then though I thought about the idea of making it an AR installation, so to have maybe only our project description of the floor and when someone views it through their camera the scene appears, so taking the physical completely out of it and only having the digital. I have looked into how to do it and even have some trials done, just need to run it by the team and get into it.

References:

Darley, J. M., & Latané, B. (1968). Bystander intervention in emergencies: diffusion of responsibility. Journal of personality and social psychology, 8(4p1), 377.

Ken Brown (2015) TEDxUIowa: The bystander effect is complicated – here’s why | Ken Brown https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ufs8cKyzLvg

Badalge, K. N. (2017) Our phones make us feel like social-media activists, but they’re actually turning us into bystanders [Article]. Retrieved from https://qz.com/991167/our-phones-make-us-feel-like-social-media-activists-but-theyre-actually-turning-us-into-bystanders

M.Heene, M.Wicher, M. Kainbacher, P.Fischer, J.I.Krueger, T.Greitemeyer, C.Vogrincic, A.Kastenmuller, D.Frey (2011)  American Psychological Association: The Bystander-Effect: A Meta-Analytic Review on Bystander Intervention in Dangerous and Non-Dangerous Emergencies https://www.uni muenster.de/imperia/md/content/psyifp/aeechterhoff/sommersemester2012/schluesselstudiendersozialpsychologiea/fischerkruegergreitem_bystandermetaana_psybull2011.pdf

#ctec608

[genesisarclite]

Hi can I get some uhhhhhh....., some more of them Jensen headcanons?

Yes, Anon. Yes. You most definitely can. Below the cut, because it got stupid long.

- Owns a black dress shirt with gold (real gold threads, by the way, thank you TF29 commission-salary) embroidery across the shoulders. Resembles his coat in MD to a point. MacReady snarks about it being black like everything else he wears, but it looks real slick on him and he knows it. On that same note, his coat in MD cost him several thousand dollars. ACRNYM practically knows him by name once all was finally said and done with the thing…

- Augs allow him to live longer than the average human, and his aging process has already slowed down a noticeable amount. It’s unknown just how long, but some estimates place him in the 150-200 natural-years range.

- Did not like having to walk around without his shades in the Pent House. Felt naked and extremely vulnerable. Being surrounded by a lot of criminals, zealous guards, and lacking access to his defensive augs did not help. Didn’t have nightmares, but does not like to think about it.

- Stoicism comes from a forced emotional shutdown in response to the trauma of almost being killed, then coming to in a world where everything he ever cared about is gone. Smashed his mirror more than once as a result. First time was an accident, others not so much. Claims structural issues. Maintenance is not convinced or amused.

- The presence of a mirror in his Prague Apartment indicates acceptance of his fate. He can’t fight it, can’t change it, so he decided to do whatever he can to make good use of what he’s become. While he still doesn’t really like his augs, he deals with it and has become comfortable enough to function as though they were there from the beginning. He no longer tries to hide them, from himself or others.

- Discussed more at length by others, but is very empathetic and feels very strongly about everything. Becomes a problem when he constantly falls into Hero Syndrome and has to help everyone who needs it, any way he can, all the time. Can’t abandon someone who’s suffering, can’t make anyone suffer, can’t ignore a cry for help, can’t kill without being given literally no other option. He just can’t do it.

- Has a mild case of “survivor’s guilt” that flares up whenever he sees someone hurt or die in front of him, and sometimes questions why he couldn’t save someone that time, though he doesn’t talk about it.

- Tends to express most of his emotion through his eyes, which he’s aware of, so he stays hidden behind his shades. Retracts them when he wants someone to see him for who and what he is, but is reluctant to do so to begin with. Becomes more willing to do so with time and trust, but it’s a long road.

- HR comics are considered, personally, non-canon, so he hasn’t had a significant other since Megan. Is reluctant to do so, due to pining for her even still, but wants to move on. Is willing to love again, but has had his trust shaken and been hurt enough that he’s extremely reluctant to do so. It’s thus been a good three (or more) years since he’s been intimate with anyone, and the resulting lack of emotional intimacy, trust, and physical affection has affected his psyche negatively.

- Doesn’t mind being touched or touching others, per se, but generally likes to do so on his own terms. All the same, can generally figure out when Touch = Bad and react accordingly. If someone needs a shoulder or a hand, he will give it.

- Despite his rather gruff, snarky exterior, is actually warm and affectionate with his SO. Can get rough if she asks, but won’t usually opt for it on his own, mostly due to underlying issues of trust and anxiety. Not huge on actively approaching her for physical affection, but won’t mind if she asks for it or initiates it, and will respond (willingly) in kind.

-Leg augs go up to his hips and lower back, but nothing in his groin has been replaced, leaving his body from there on up mostly organic. Beneath the skin is a metal frame that has replaced his spine and some of his ribs, while also adding a reinforcing bar across the chest to support the arm prostheses. Some of his organs, damaged by Namir, have been replaced with printed synthetic copies, while others were turned outright cybernetic. For the most part, they function like his original organs.

- (yes, you read that right - he still has his genitals. Would be very odd if Sarif, of all people, decided to cut them off!)

- Doesn’t trust Delara and hates discussing personal details with anyone. Tends to deflect attempts to dig under the shell with snark and sarcasm, or gives just enough truth buried under just enough BS that the other person thinks they got something out of him. They almost never do.

- Doesn’t mind being on bottom. Partly because he doesn’t want to risk hurting her (he is pretty solidly built and rather tall, and has great control over his augs but still doesn’t want to risk losing control of them), but also because he likes the form of intimacy it brings - it’s a representation of trust, which he so, so badly desires (though don’t say that about him - he’ll just deny it). Also actually tends to prefer it, in fact.

- Is a fantastic kisser. You’d never guess from looking at him, but he is very good at it.

- Likes to be kissed along his neck. Like, a lot. A lot.

- Respects MacReady and is ultimately less likely to snipe at him than he does Pritchard. They eventually grow to become grudging(ish) brothers-in-arms, with each willing to watch the other’s back whenever they’re in the thick of it. Adam hasn’t been on a team in literal years and forgot how much he missed it.

- Likes to keep lots of little lights on in his apartment, and turned down low. Makes him feel cozy and safe, and helps him sleep, because his circadian rhythm is all out of whack (thanks, Sarif!) and never really reset itself. Has gotten much better at keeping the place clean, but still forgets to do simple things like get the utensils out of the sink from time to time.

- Aria Argento is the only person who’s genuinely kind to him, consistently, and worries about him (one of the most powerful Augs in the world) even when he assures her she doesn’t need to. Doesn’t mind. Rather likes it, actually. Finds it refreshing she never asks anything of him or makes demands, never expects him to do anything for her, or even treats him as anything than Adam Jensen, a normal man. She eventually becomes somewhat of a confidante, though it takes months for him to trust her enough to start cautiously reaching out.

- Can’t get drunk. Metabolism too fast. Also can’t damage his liver (synthetic), lungs (partially cybernetic), or cardiovascular system (wholly cybernetic). Has cut back on the vices since HR, mostly taking them in moderation now, except during periods of extreme stress.

- Usually smells of fine leather (you know the scent), mingled with the faint scent of whiskey and cigarettes. Neither linger long - he keeps himself clean enough that they literally can’t. Occasionally smells faintly of roses. Nobody knows why, and Adam isn’t telling, no matter how many times he’s asked.

- Hair is thick, but soft. Rarely acquires a coarse texture, except if he lets the ends split too much. Skin is generally smooth, due to protection from his dermal armor, and hasn’t developed many signs of age or wear yet. Scar tissue doesn’t form easily, explaining the lack of significant scarring across his abdomen when it was slashed open by the glass.

#adam jensen #deus ex #deus ex: mankind divided #deus ex: human revolution #dxmd #dxhr #my headcanons #asks #wow this got long #nsfw-ish? #some of them? #i don't think so but some might so #yeah

[braindamageforbeginners]

The apocalypse is here

Pictured above: Either the I5 North or the current political races. I’m no longer sure. So, this will take a bit of time to get to, but I promise it’ll be good. I guarantee that, I’ll be quoting directly from candidate statements/descriptions (we’ll get back to the abyss soon enough, and the time a DIY project almost killed/crippled Dad)(the man attempted an electrical project, I’d like to point I quietly though this was a bad idea). Anyway, I’m certain that decent, kind, honest, noble, and educated and mostly-human Congresscritters must exist - people do vote for them, after all. However, having met one Congressman and, being lied to the staff of another (pro-tip; no matter how pro-military or manly and awesome you like to think you are, it’s not a reassuring thing to your constituents if there’s an explosion on a large photo in your office. So I have rather low regard for them, as a group (I know, that’s baseless stereotyping).

So you can imagine my surprise at coming to rest in Daryl Issa’s old district, a man so loathed even by his own party that they quietly told him to go away. I’ve seen a lot of strange political events, but, believe me when I say I’ve never seen anything like this; a completely vacant Congressional seat that could be inhabited by a Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Green, or even some type of salamander (the salamander would’ve been an improvement over Jerry Lewis). Anyway, since there are also assorted state assembly judicial races at stake, they’re all included in this pamphlet (and potentially included in this oversized piece). As usual, I will be selecting choice quotes, and, remember, candidates may include an age and/or occupation.

Kistin Gaspar: “[...] A mother, small business owner, and the mayor of encinitas, she has the get-it-done approach we need in Congress.” Fantastic, just as I start to enjoy the peace and quiet of life without Larry the Cable Guy in the public light, there’s this call-back. Or so I thought, until I found out that the “Get It Done” app is used in our area to report “non-emergency problems to the city.” Now, I hate potholes as much as any American (possibly more, since I used to live in a country where drivers used them to help corner while going 80 mph on unpaved roads). Still, “Fixing potholes” seems a little below the pay-grade of a pre-conviction congresswoman.

Diane Harkey: Healthcare: Diane will worke for policies that increase choice, costs, and allow patietns and doctors to decide what care is best. No, no, she isn’t. Diane’s endorsed/puppeted by the American Independent Party, so she has about as much chance of winning as a large rock. But, more importantly, I’m pretty sure the AIP is only concerned with healthcare as a business that sends them money. The big take-away here is less what I say, and more the fact that third party-associated candidates with little-to-no chance of winning feel compelled to tell everyone their healthcare system will be fine, even if it won’t.

David Medway: “I want to protect working families from increasing taxes, healthcare bills, and gun violence (while protecting our right to bear arms). I want to prevent national catastrophes like pandemics (which I wrote a book about) and environmental disasters (such as protecting our coastline from nuclear waste and oil spills that would devastate our shores). I support women’s rights and the melting pot of cultures tha tmake up California. I support lower taxes, less government and the best healthcare and education in the world for all Americans at reasonable prices. Please define “reasonable,” sir, I suspect our answers will differ. Also, you’ll notice he’s making the classic math mistake - better, improved services at a mere fraction of the tax cost! Which is a bullshit political statement/proposal. You might be able to get a great vaccuum cleaner for a fraction of the name-brand because slavery is still totally legal in some parts of the world (meaning the company saves a lot on payroll), and wholesalers/transportation will give bulk purchase discounts. Unless your local police and firefighters are staffed by robots (always a possibility), imagine City Hall telling them that they now have to do the same job, only much better, and with a pay cut. Oh, and we’re firing one-in-three of their employees. Society tried hat in Silicon Valley (with choppy results), I don’t think you want to try it with ambulances.

Crag Nordal: “I am an Evangelical Christian who will defend and protect Israel, protect innocent human life from conception to birth, and to natural death, defend and protect marriage between a man and a woman, restore Christian and Jewish morals and ethics to our public schools, and protect religious freedoms. I vow to enforce and enhance border security, build that wall, protect and defend our 2nd Amendment as an NRA life member, and wok to shrink government daily and drain that swamp. I believe I have a conviction from God, to enter this race. I ask that you consider my moral character and conviction above any other experience or attributes. Nothing is more important in selecting our leaders in in the Congress of the United States of America. Our country is engaged in a spiritual battle between the guiding force of moral law and those that are working to remove God from every aspect of our society. We need Christian moral leaders to stand up and fight for the God given rights that our Founding Fathers based our Declaration of Independence and the United States Constitution. In the creation of this great country God and His laws were relied on to form the greatest founding documents of any country ever formed by men, and thereby the greatest country ever conceived. The United States was formed to be God’s hammer in this world to contain and destroy evil.” Holy shit (almost literally), is there a lot to discuss - I included all of it because every time I thought I’d gotten to the funny/pertinent point, it went on, like a Harry Potter book . First of all, even though you get looney-tune candidates like this and parts of the GOP that always like to nod to the idea of instituting a theocracy, let’s get that out of the way; this is basic civics, First Amendment expressly forbids the idea of instituting a state religion. Speaking of which, even if that were legally possible, whose religion? When he simultaneously restores Jewish and Christian ethics to the schools, will bacon be allowed in those schools? You get a different answer depending on if you go to church on Saturday or Sunday (which is also something different Christian sects have different ideas on). For the purposes of brevity, I’ll have to just say, everyone’s welcome to their own religion, but the institution of a theocracy - while appealing in theory - would be horrific, brutal, and possibly genocidal (I’ll admit I like the idea of communism, in theory, but I’ve seen enough of the results in the real world to know it’s not a good idea). Also, I appreciate his desire to look after Israel, which is always a positive attribute when you’re voting for someone to look after your own country’s interests (I know there’s a tenuous Biblical connection, but, come on, guys, Isarel’s gotta start fending for itself)(the flip side of hat sentiment would be, “We can talk about Israel when every American has a job, home, and healthcare”). And there’s “I believe I have a conviction from God.” We all have convictions, maybe some of them come from God, but most are personal. Unless he means “I believe I have a mission from God.” Which is more grammatically correct, and, compared to the rest, no crazier or dumber. BTW, I feel like I have to put out a disclaimer about religion and say that I don’t really care if you’re religious, or, as long as it’s not hurting anyone to what extent your religion informs policy proposals (and I wouldn’t expect anyone to be able to determine exactly where one ends and the other begins; our minds just aren’t built that way) - there’s a massive difference between that and standing up in the middle of church (let alone Congress) and shouting, “GOD COMMANDS ME TO CAST OUT THE UNWORTHY.” I do like his demand that we judge him exclusively on his faith and not on what he says, does, or anything else that might involve objective reality. Oh, and that bit about “God’s hammer in this world” really upset me when I first read it, and I couldn’t figure why, until I remembered this quote, “ "I am the Flail of God. If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you. “ which is attributed to Genghis Khan (even if you think the temporary stability and increased trade in Asia as a result of the Mongol Empire is awesome, remember that 40-60 million people died due to his campaigns and policies)(the Mongols tended to obliterate cropland, so whoever they didn’t kill usually starved).

Robert Pendleton MD, PhD - Surgeon/Biochemist/Small Businessman/Visual Artist: “ My name is Robert Pendelton Md PhD and I feel a calling to awaken the apathetic and unite disenfranchised moderates. I am an eye-surgeon, biochemist, small businessman, and visual artist, and the K9USA Party is my vision for a better world. K9 is a political party and philosophy of decision-making based upon the attributes of dogs that make “man’s best-friend” so special: Unconditional Love, Simple Needs, and Readiness to Defend. Adapted to national politics, international politics, and our personal lives, these attributes become the nine K9 principles: Socially Progressive, Fiscally Conservative, and militarily prepared (national, Altruistic, Sovereign, and United (international), and Loving, Lean and Strong (personal).2020 Application of K9 Principles yields the “six results” of Tolerance, Security, Health, Happiness, Peace and Freedom. My “2020 Vision” is for the K9USA Party to elect a majority of representatives (50% women) to the United States Congress and Presidency by the year 2020... Donkeys and elephants have failed. It’s time for dogs to lead.” I have only just heard of this man and I love him.

#quie

[artificialqueens]

Hush Little Baby (Shalaska) - pureCAMP

A/N: fun fact, my weakness is domesticity and babies. Give me all the babies. I love them. ((also bonus, this probably wont be the last baby fic i end up writing jsksjksjk)) enjoy everyone!!!!! <3

“If you just stop crying for five minutes, I promise I’ll take you to Disneyworld,” Alaska pleaded, cradling a screaming baby with a scrunched up face in her arms, hot tears burning the edges of her own eyes.

It felt like it had been an eternity since Sharon had waved to them from her car as she headed off to work that morning, but it was only mid afternoon. And Alaska didn’t think Minnie had stopped crying since the older woman had gone, convinced that the baby knew her more competent mother had left her alone with the useless, terrified, stressed-out one. She could sense Alaska’s weakness.

“I’ve changed your nappy three times, tried to feed you but - I need you to tell me what you want!” Alaska continued, her voice taking on a tone of complete helplessness. “Why can’t you talk yet?!”

Minnie’s nose wouldn’t stop running, and the way she kept sniffling had Alaska convinced the tiny girl was on the verge of death. In fact, she’d googled all the baby’s symptoms, and was almost one hundred percent convinced that she was, and it was all Alaska’s fault. Google told her so, and Google had never failed her yet. She held the child with one hand as she consulted the website she’d found again, just to make sure that in her panic she hadn’t been making anything up. But there it was, in black and white - the baby was sick, and she was going to die, and Sharon would never talk to Alaska again.

Setting the girl down in her bouncy chair that Alaska had placed on top of the table, she tried once again to make the sobbing child laugh. She tried singing, her usually melodious voice completely gone with the amount of tears that she’d shed. She tried making funny faces, but the fear crept through and only served to make Minnie cry even harder. She tried reading, but the amount of long words in War and Peace had her already frazzled brain melting into complete mush. Eventually Alaska stepped away, gathering her hair into a messy bun on top of her head and securing with a large band. She was completely spent, and had no idea what to try, and it was still only 2pm.

Sharon wouldn’t be home for hours yet if she was going stay late as she usually did, and Alaska hated bothering her at work. The last time she’d tried that, Sharon hadn’t spoken to her for three days. It wasn’t Alaska’s fault that the new washing machine had more controls than an actual space rocket. All she’d been trying to do was surprise Sharon with a clean house and all the laundry done. Instead they’d ended up with a flooded kitchen and a rift in their marriage that took a lot of sex and beautiful lingerie to fix. Since then, Alaska had tried to deal with any domestic mishap on her own - or she’d enlisted the help of one of her friends. That was it! She’d phone - well, she wasn’t sure yet.

Her spirits lifted slightly by the prospect of being able to literally phone a friend in her hour of need, Alaska grabbed her phone and sat down on one of the chairs, using her free hand to gently bounce the baby’s chair as she scrolled through her contacts.

Willam - It was a Wednesday, which meant she’d be… busy.

Courtney - Ditto.

Trixie - She was nice, but Alaska didn’t think she’d appreciate a woman she barely knew screaming down the phone about a baby she’d met once or twice.

Adore - Well, she was little more than a child herself.

That was when the answer hit her. Or rather, assaulted her eyeballs in shades of black and white. Katya always picked up the phone and she was…sensible enough.

As expected, Katya picked up on the first ring, her cheerful voice a complete contrast to the utter anguish Alaska was experiencing. But before she could even finish her greeting, Alaska jumped in, her worst fears spilling out of her mouth and down the phone to Katya.

“Katya, I need your help or else I think my baby is going to die, I know you don’t really like babies but you don’t hate them enough to let them die and I really don’t know what to do and Sharon’s at work and everything has fallen apart because she’s the one who knows her shit and I don’t and Minnie won’t stop crying? Please help. I don’t want Minnie to die!”

Her chest heaved as she finished speaking, not taking a breath in her rush to get all of the words out. There was a pause as Katya digested the barrage of words that had been flung at her, the awkward silence only punctuated by Minnie, still shrieking pitifully from her chair.

“How do you know she’s dying? I don’t want your baby to die either! She’s cute and evil! What’s going on? Tell me more, I need more.” Katya responded, just as urgently as Alaska had.

Thank the Lord! Katya actually understood the crisis. The last thing she had wanted, as had happened at least two too many times before, was for someone to tell her she was just being silly and ignore the problem at hand - the sobbing baby who was definitely dying according to the wisdom of extensive Google searching.

“She’s sick, I know it, and I googled everything that’s wrong with her and I didn’t go on Web MD because Sharon told me that’s not a good place to go, but all the other websites still told me she’s dying! I can’t kill my baby, Katya! I don’t know how to make it better! I can’t let Sharon come home to a dying baby. What do you think I should do?”

This time, Katya didn’t hesitate. “How bad is it? Shit, shit, let’s not let her die. Hurry up, talk to me! We can save her if you’re quick!”

Alaska’s heart raced. “She doesn’t want to eat even when I’ve tried to feed her, and she keeps crying and she’s so red and hot, and her nose is running and she’s been coughing a lot, and her whole body moves when she coughs and - Katya she’s so little. She’s so tiny, Katya. She can’t die.”

“I’m coming over. Stay on the phone, clear the gangways, keep an eye on Minnie so she doesn’t die whilst I’m on my way. We can fix this!”

Alaska didn’t hear the mumbled ‘I hope’ that followed Katya’s statement, which was probably a good thing. Instead, she simply sniffed and turned back to Minnie, her heart twisting at the sight of her.

She really was still tiny. Her little fingers were curled into fists, which occasionally brushed the sides of her face before retreating back into the warmth of the too-long sleeves. Tear droplets clung to her eyelashes, making them appear thicker and darker as she screwed up her face and cried. Her little rosebud lips were parted slightly, just enough for the heartbreaking sobs to escape through. Minnie had always been one of those pretty babies, right from the day she was born, but she just looked so sad and poorly that Alaska didn’t want to look at her.

Taking the tissue box she’d handily placed near Minnie’s chair, she gently dabbed at her face (no wiping - the doctors had told her and Sharon that it could harm the sensitive baby skin) and sighed. Granted, she knew motherhood wasn’t going to be easy. It was a discussion she’d had with Sharon many times before Minnie had been born; lying in bed at night, cuddling on the couch in the evening, during every doctor appointment. They both knew that the first nine months would be nothing compared to the future, but even so Alaska hadn’t expected it to be this bad.

If only Katya would hurry. Alaska was going to go insane if she was left alone any longer. Minnie had calmed a little, but she still made an absurd amount of noise for someone with such small lungs. Alaska continued to bounce her chair a little, trying to find a soothing rhythm for her daughter. As before, nothing seemed to work.

“Why are you too little to tell me why you’re crying?” Alaska murmured, almost to herself, her eyes fixed on Minnie. “Why can’t you talk yet?”

Predictably, Minnie didn’t say anything. She continued crying, stopping for a moment to sneeze and then proceeded to resume her cries louder than before.

“Sharon must speak baby-language, she always knows what to do. I need her to teach me baby-langage.”

After another heavy sigh, Alaska continued to lament. “Why did she have to go to work? Why has she left us?”

Her voice sounded a lot calmer and less shrill than it had when she had been speaking over the phone to Katya, but the worry was still eating away at her insides. What if Minnie really was dying? She couldn’t lose her now. They hadn’t had her for long but she was still the centre of their shared universe. Minnie had Sharon’s eyes and dark curls and that same dimple in her right cheek, and they’d both agreed that everything about her was and would always be perfect. Alaska couldn’t be the one to let it slip away.

She didn’t even want to think about what Sharon would say or do if Minnie slipped away under her watchful eye.

After a long, heavy moment, Alaska heard the front door slam open in the distance, and mere seconds later a blonde hurricane had hurtled into the kitchen, eyes wild and hair akimbo, a plastic bag clutched in her hand as she came to a screeching halt and threw her arms around Alaska. She wasn’t Sharon, but the touch of another adult, someone who could share the burden, soothed Alaska’s battered soul.

“Sorry I took so long, I had to stop and pick up supplies,” Katya told her breathlessly, Russian accent still as thick as the day she’d moved to America. She untangled her arms from around Alaska and started to unpack her carrier bag, Alaska watching in amazement as her friend drew out baby wipes, baby medicine, a thermometer, rum, and more.

“We can’t give the baby rum,” Alaska said in confusion, picking up the bottle and looking at it. Although now she thought about it-

“No, that’s for me. Got to keep my spirits up and my hands steady,” Katya told her with a wheezing laugh, balling the bag up and throwing it into the corner of the immaculate kitchen.  “Right then, let’s take a look at her.” With all the manner of a seasoned doctor, Katya stood over the baby, arms crossed, and looking down at her. Alaska joined her, her expression doubtful.

“What do you think?” she asked, Katya pausing for a moment before letting a long, low whistle.

“I think Google might be right,” was all she replied, her voice filled with sorrow as Alaska’s heart filled with fear.

“You really think she might be dying?” Alaska breathed, not wanting to speak too loudly lest the baby heard her, and fulfilled her own prophecy. Katya shrugged.

“She’s got all the signs of the sweating sickness,” Katya replied. Her limited medical knowledge mostly came from books she’d read on the Tudor period, which didn’t often come handy in the 21st century. “People usually die from that.”

Alaska’s eyes widened as she grasped onto Katya’s arm for strength, fresh tears springing to her eyes.

“I don’t want her to have the sweating sickness,” she cried out, not entirely sure what the sweating sickness was, but knowing from Katya’s grave tone and her harsh words that it wasn’t going to end well. Alaska felt like her entire world was about to come crashing down around her. Just when herself and Sharon had finally gotten their lives the way they wanted them, both with stable careers, and the house of their dreams, and now a baby - the best part of it was going to be whisked away from them before they could even enjoy her. A whole life, gone in the blink of an eye. Alaska started sobbing, her body shaking so violently Katya thought she was about to break into a thousand pieces, the sound of her mother’s cries only serving to make Minnie scream even louder.

“Uh - I’ll pour us both a drink,” Katya said, wanting to escape from Alaska’s anguish. She never dealt well with other people’s emotions, especially when they involved children. Even the cute ones.

Alaska didn’t know how much time passed. All she knew was that she’d managed to sink into a chair, her arms wrapped awkwardly around the screaming child as she tried her best to soothe the girl in what Alaska thought would be her last moments. She vaguely recalled Katya pouring herself several shots of rum, before tearfully sinking down beside Alaska and drunkenly sobbing her own tears for the tiny babe, who she’d actually become quite attached to (although she would never admit that to Sharon - that would make her right, and she’d never allow that.)

In her rum-soaked haze, Katya faintly heard the sound of someone singing a sweet, low lullaby. It took her a while before it sunk in that it wasn’t her brain making it up, it was Alaska, singing softly to her baby, the beautiful voice tinged with sorrow and regret.

“Hush little baby, don’t say a word. Mama’s going to buy you a mockingbird,” Alaska sang, her head resting gently on Minnie’s stomach as her tears soaked the tiny child’s sleepsuit. Katya’s heart broke at the words and the choked tone to Alaska’s voice, as though it was taking everything the woman had to get the words out in the first place.

“-and if that diamond ring turns to brass, mama’s going to buy you a looking glass,” she continued, her voice getting stronger as she warmed to her song. Alaska’s passion had always lay in music, and she almost felt like if she kept singing, she could keep Minnie with her. And if that was the case - well, she’d never stop.  

Katya almost wanted to beg Alaska to stop, the heart wrenching words pulling out emotions in her drunken stupor she almost couldn’t handle. She’d been with the pair through all their ups and downs, through every rough patch and through every highlight, and she was determined to be there at Minnie’s end.

“-and if that cart and bull fall down, you’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town,” Alaska finished, nearly unable to get the last few notes of the song out through her anguished tears. Katya screeched her chair across the floor so she could wrap an arm around the sobbing mother, feeling a dagger of pain shoot into her heart as she caught the tail end of Alaska’s whispered words to her daughter.

“I’m not going to let you go anywhere, I promise,” the woman was saying, her breath catching in her throat at the thought that she might not be able to keep that promise.

Katya opened her mouth to try and say something - utter a word of comfort perhaps, or try and reason that maybe things would be okay - when she heard the door open. Never before had the sound of keys jingling, heels clicking across the floor and doors slamming shut sounded quite so relieving. Both girls turned to face the entrance as Sharon walked in, her face flushed and her eyebrows raised to the sky.

“…Is everything okay?” She tried, flicking back and forth between Alaska’s tearstained face, Katya’s rum bottle, and Minnie’s sniffling. “Katya, what’s this emergency?”

Katya gestured helplessly towards Alaska, who was clinging onto Minnie as tightly as she could. It took her a moment to gather herself together, the silence allowing her a little bit of time to think.

“I’m convinced she’s dying.”

Those four words were the worst she’d ever had to say. Holding her breath, she waited for Sharon’s reaction; tears, or yelling, or abject horror. Alaska was fully prepared to be verbally slaughtered for letting their daughter get so ill, knowing she deserved it. Minnie had been crying and poorly all day, since the morning. Sharon had a right to be mad at her.

But… she wasn’t. Her face remained stoic, her expression calm and steady. She stood still in the doorway and watched Alaska carefully, considering her.

“And why do you think that?” Sharon pressed, her mouth twitching slightly at the corner.

“I do too!” Katya chipped in, hiccuping and frowning. “She’s sick, look at her! I think she’s got the sweating sickness, she has all the symptoms.”

Silence fell for a few short moments. Sharon seemed to be holding back laughter, which was more confusing than any of the other emotions Alaska was feeling. Why was she laughing? Their baby was dying. Or maybe she was hysterical, unable to process anything. That would explain it.

“Katya,” Sharon began, smiling slightly. “Don’t take this the wrong way, because I love you, but I really don’t think we need your input. Your qualifications for this are zero. Where is this coming from, anyway?”

Alaska wiped at her eyes and lifted Minnie up slightly so Sharon could see her better. “She really is sick! I don’t know what to do! I googled it, and -”

Sharon held up her hand. “First mistake. I’m disconnecting the wifi tomorrow morning, no googling. Ever. What made you wanna google shit?”

Normally, Alaska would’ve scolded her for swearing in Minnie’s presence, but she was too upset. “She’s been coughing and sneezing all day! She’s really warm, and sweaty, and her nose is running and she hasn’t stopped crying and she has -”

“-A cold.” Sharon interrupted, smiling wider. “She has a cold.”

Alaska shook her head. “Don’t be ridiculous! It can’t just be a cold! She’s barely eaten all day, she’s rejected me anytime I’ve tried to give her a bottle, she really has cried every single minute, it can’t just be a plain old cold!”

Sharon shook her head, kicking her heels off across the carpet and joining Alaska on the couch, opposite to Katya. Despite the teasing smile on her face, her eyes were warm and her touch was gentle as she swiped a strand of hair out of Alaska’s face and studied her.

“You had a cold two weeks ago, didn’t you?” She said softly. “You sneezed every five minutes and Minnie thought it was hilarious. She kept laughing at you.”

Alaska nodded silently.

“And then I got it from you last week,” Sharon continued, pretending to be annoyed as she nudged Alaska’s arm. “For a day I had no appetite and then I was all gross and sweaty and coughing. You remember that?”

She nodded again, something akin to realisation dawning on her face.

“She’s just got a cold, probably from me. It only seems worse because she’s so small.”

Alaska sniffed. “Are you sure? Really really sure?”

“One hundred percent.” Sharon assured her. “Here, you want me to have her? I’ll take her.”

Even though there was still a hint of worry in the back of Alaska’s mind, uncomfortably lurking like a bad smell, nothing could warm her heart quite like the sweet image of her wife and her daughter together. Minnie settled in Sharon’s arms after wriggling for a few seconds, still crying as she had before. Sharon tickled gently underneath her chin, laughing as she squirmed before kissing her forehead.

“You’re sure it’s a cold?” Alaska asked again, needing to be completely certain.  

“More than one hundred per cent,” Sharon replied, pressing a gentle kiss to Alaska’s cheek, before wrapping an arm around her still tearful, and completely exhausted wife. “Next time, phone me before you consult Google and Dr Katya.”

Katya opened her mouth to protest, and defend herself against Sharon’s harsh words, but fell silent at a look from the other woman.

“You’ve done quite enough damage,” Sharon told her, knowing it wasn’t really Katya’s fault that Alaska had decided to phone her with her fears, but wanting to lay the blame elsewhere anyway.

“In my defense, she had every symptom of the sweating sickness,” Katya said quickly, Sharon’s teacher voice instilling a sharp sense of fear in her as she rose from her seat and doffed an imaginary cap. “Must be off, Trixie will be wondering where I am,” she said before she departed, knowing even in her slightly drunk state that she was no longer welcome in the newfound domestic scene. Alaska waved her off, mouthing an apology as Katya exited the room backwards.

“You’ll be pleased to know Katya’s sweating sickness had disappeared by the Elizabethan times,” Sharon told her wife, her sensible words alleviating the last of Alaska’s fears for their daughter. “I have no idea where she gets any of her information from, nor why you chose to consult her.”

Alaska shrugged. “You told me not to call you when you’re at work, and Katya was the only one around.”

Sharon let out a disbelieving bark of laughter at Alaska’s words, shaking her head in despair at her wife. “I love you, I really do, but you are an idiot sometimes,” she said fondly, looking down at Minnie and smiling. “Look, she’s fallen asleep. I bet she’ll be right as rain in the morning.”

Alaska looked down too, her eyes roaming over the perfect long lashes resting atop rosy cheeks, small hands clenched into balls with tiny nails digging into her palms, her whole body curled into Sharon. Now she knew she wasn’t going to lose her, Alaska truly thought her heart might burst with the overwhelming love she felt for her tiny daughter.

“We’re the luckiest people in the world,” she said, yawning widely and relaxing into Sharon, letting her eyes flutter shut as the exhaustion from the day took over.

Sharon looked between wife and daughter, before smiling. “I really am.”

#sharon needles #alaska thunderfuck #katya zamolodchikova #shalaska #family #tw sickness #extras #purecamp #rpdr fanfiction #submission

[thestarkalypse]

Drunkalypse S7 E2: 9 or so things

Episode 2 season 7, it happened, we’re here now, me with you, you with me, what a magical time in our lives.

Follow me on Twitter at @starkalypse that's where I drunk live tweet the show and I’m trying to get to a 1,000 followers….

I was editing this like “goddamn why the fuck am I cursing so much this week” and then I remembered that I was joined this week by an old friend, so stalwart and true, a friend that makes me deranged and so hype about life.

That’s right y’all I got all up in a bottle of Barefoot pink moscato!!!!!

Cursing like a sailor this week, prob appropriate with this pirate nonsense like idek 

1.

I usually don’t write that much about Dany scenes but fuck it, let’s dance:

Dany starts stepping to Varys like he should never ever have switched sides in his high risk career as a gossip mongerer. Bitch, nah.

She is getting all Trumptastic with this blind allegiance shit. Damn, girl, we all pick a different horse sometimes. Like when you have a horse and then you’re like “oh shit, that horse only runs sideways, he’s not really feeling this whole competition thing, also he’s crazy and murders Northern lords in the throneroom” you can’t hate someone for picking a different horse

More importantly, does she realize that almost every single person in her posse played for at least one other team, as recently as two episodes ago in the finale when flop witch Melly Sanders was still kicking it in the North before she got exiled by Jon Snow

It was like one of those conversations where you’re like “oh, shit got real” like it was Real Housewives: Westeros, but not like the ones on YouTube, like the actual ones where they flip fucking tables and pretend they got invited to the White House but goddamn it, Michaela, you did not get invited and everyone knows it!

Missandei is slaying with that translation of PtwP ohhhhhh shit WORG are you watching this, a not-white woman telling you about your book shit

Watch Dany’s face, is she not a little pressed that Jon is killing it in the North and everyone likes him

“Tell Jon Snow that his queen invites him to come to Dragonstone” girl bye and he is not bending shit unless it is his neck before he brings his head up and shakes out his majestic mane of curls

2. A TARGARYEN CANNOT BE TRUSTED

Jon, king of the north, has been invited all the way to Dragonstone, an area in which he has no allies or armies, by way of an invitation written by Tyrion, of whom neither he or Sansa can apparently verify the handwriting of and can’t be 100% sure wasn’t written under duress. And in the letter Dany straight up tells him he’s subject to her.

But Jon, being Jon, is going to walk into it totally blind. A queen with three dragons who will crush all of her opponents. He thinks it’s a great idea to go in person instead of sending an emissary. And honestly, I expect nothing less from him. 

HEY REMEMBER HOW CATELYN “HAD” TO GO TO KINGS LANDING IN PERSON AND NOTHING EVENTFUL HAPPENED ON THE JOURNEY 

Part of the reason he is going is because he and Davos literally just fucking figured out that dragons are fire machines lawdT

If you think about it, if anyone is going to persuade Dany to give them dragons and dragonglass it’s the owner of the most glorious hair in Planetos

I like how Jon is standing there in that scene with the northerners, wasting everyone’s time like he’s not going to do exactly what he wants to do…….Oh, Jon……….

Jon puts Sansa in charge, as it should have been the whole time tbh #QueenintheNorth

(Do you think Dany’s dragons will ~know he’s a Targ. Too bad they don’t have DNA and can’t do a Westerosi “Who’s the Father” because Maury in Westeros would be funny as fuck)

OF COURSE JON HAS HIS HAIR PULLED BACK WHEN HE MEETS DAENERYS IN THE PREVIEW WTF JON

3. Is Jon Snow going to have to choke a bitch?

GODDAMNIT LITTLEFINGER

GET THE FUCK OUT

NO1CURR

We all want Jon Snow to like us but you need to calm the fuck down, Petyr. You probably shouldn’t bring up the crush you have on his younger sister.

How exactly do you spell the way Littlefinger says Sansa

Sansa

Sahnsaaaa

Sonsahhh

Saaaahnza

I loved your mother, Saaaaansa

4.

Cersei’s on that propaganda shit. Stone cold messaging on Dany, she’s goes hard like Fox News.

Who is this Dick[on] Tarly character and how is he relevant

Is a dragon going to eat Cersei tho

Oh my god this Hobbit shit right here with the dragon bolts but lbr the GoT dragons will never be as sassy or fabulous as Smaug

5. Samwell Tarly, MD

WHERE IS THE YELLOW PIRATE SHIRT OMGGGGG

And then I noticed he fucking does have it but it’s dirty as fuck does Oldtown not have a single dry-cleaner

IF THE SHIRT IS LOST THEN WESTEROS IS DOOMED   

Sam tries an experimental technique on Jorah that’s mostly just really big tweezers pulling his flesh off. It’s like nightmare versions of those Proactive commercials that come on at 3 a.m. when you wake up from dozing off during SNL

Sam ships Jorah and Dany, wants to heal him so they can reunite

“I’m going to rip off your skin then give you some really great lotion” no Cerave can save that shit, Samwise Tarlgee

This is the weirdest fucking scene to have zero music to

6. THAT TRANSITION DOE

Hot Pie, true hero of Westeros, probably Azor Ahai, tells Arya that Jon is alive, and she has less emotional response than a Cylon, like a Number Six who doesn’t get out that much. 

She casually steals food in front of her meant for someone else like the very best of drunks

Hightails it the fuckkkkkk out of there when she hears about Jonno

Runs into Nymeria, asks her to join the adventure, Nymeria’s like “hard pass.”

7.

CLAPBACK FOR THE MYRCELLA POISONING I SAID GOTDAM

Fucked Ellaria’s shit up

8. AL GREEN UP IN THIS BITCH

Barack and Michelle get the fuck together

LEEEEEEEEEETS LETS GET TOGEEEETHEEEEER LOVING YOU WHEEEETHER (WHEEETHER) TIMES ARE GOOOD OR BAAAAAAAD HAPPYYYYY OR SAAAAAAD WHOA WHOA

If anyone on that show deserves some loving it’s Missandei

9. I would drunk text Euron

When I was drunk a few days ago I definitely offered to give the Euron actor a “tour xx” of DC if he ever came into town on Twitter, because I was drunk so the thirst was real. 

Fucking Euron

Captain Boomerang

I mean

Fuck

This Black Pearl shit HOW DID YOU BUILD THOSE FUCKING BOATS THOUGH

Goddamn fucking Greyjoy bath salts those offbrand motherfuckers throwing the Gr8est Armada Ever together in like 2 weeks

Stop fucking tweeting me how boss Euron is those are Oberyn Martell’s kids step the fuck off

I can’t

I can;t

Bye

Jesus fucking Christ

It’s like………..you could give them a mercy kill so we can quickly block any memories of them but even the way they go out is fucking lame

They’re not going to kill Tyene or Ellaria because- calling this- they’re going to drag them back to KL and Cersei is going to kill at least Tyene, if not Ellaria, boom.

Theon is swimming, may bump into Gendry rowing around

FRANKLY I CANNOT BE ASKED this week. Jon better not put up with Dany’s shit next Sunday

#game of thrones #euron greyjoy #jon snow #daenerys targaryen #stormborn

[california-doom-merchants]

I watched the pilot episode of The Apprentice (US) and holy shit do I have thoughts

Predictable opening - “I'm Donald Trump, I got so much fucking money I'm basically fucking drowning in $$$”

“I recently lost billions of dollars but I bounced back big-league and now I'm better than ever and I'm having more fun than ever” - man good for you I bet your company collapsing didn't result in any redundancies at all but hey at least you got to meet Larry King!!

(also he's clearly saying big-league back in 2004)

I don't have much to say about the actual contestants because they're all just like “name, hometown, qualifications, current job” but shout-out to the guy who got an MD and then went “man what am I gonna do with this? HELP PATIENTS???” and got an MBA instead. Shout-out for being just trash. Awful.

They all show up and meet “The Donald” and he's like “I'm fucking rich, you guys wanna get rich??”

Then he says “Women have it harder in the workplace, or so they say”

they sure as fuck do when they're within 5 miles of you, pussygrabber

He divides them up into two teams of eight, men and women, and then he fucks off

They all get taken up to this fancy-ass suite in Trump Tower where there's legitimately caviar and champagne everywhere

He explains to the camera that if you do good each episode you go back to the suite and if you do bad he FIRES you and you go home

“It's the suite or the street” mate these people all have jobs sorry you're not making anyone homeless today

He leaves letters lying around like he's a fucking murderer in a Agatha Christie novel and they're like “enjoy all this fucking caviar, now name your companies”

The men go with Versacorp because they're versatile and also unoriginal

The women go with Protege which is substantially better but I almost miss it because one of the first suggestions is “Donald's Darlings” and I'm obliged to spend like the next century puking into a bucket

So they show up next day at the NEW YORK STOCK EXCHANGE which for businesspeople is like going to fucking Disneyland, every time they say the name you can practically hear the airhorns and smell the orgasms

They all show up fancy-ass and he stands on a platform and he goes like “hey guys you're gonna sell fucking lemonade”

Then he opens the New York Stock Exchange and everything goes crazy and I guess the subtext is “Donald Trump controls the economy of New York” but I was too busy being fucking stoked we were in the FUCKING NEW YORK STOCK EXCHANGE to care about subtext cause that shit is for squares

Men run out and they just basically run to the harbour, go to a guy who sells lemonade, go “hey we'll sell your lemonade and give you a percentage of the take, just give us like literally all the supplies” and presumably the guy goes “sure as long as my store's name appears in the TV show you're filming because there's no FUCKING way I'd do this otherwise” and boom they're in shitty business

The women split up to buy supplies and then manage to get lost and there's a lot of passive-aggression about the whole thing

Meanwhile the guys are by the sea but not like on a beach just like on the world's shittest harbour. They're next to a fish market. This one dude is like running at people with a fucking sign and hassling people to buy this lemonade and jumping in front of bikes and everyone's like “man why is this dude like this he's got an MD for fuck's sake”

Donald Trump is in a fucking HELICOPTER and on his phone like “yeah look at these fucking pricks they're next to a fish market. I gotta go” and then hangs up the phone to sit there and just like revel in the fact he's in a chopper for no reason

like you know what good businesspeople don't do? take goddamn helicopter rides around the city to observe people who are already being observed

meanwhile the girls are in a decent location selling lemonade $5 a glass and this aired in 2004 so that's like $250 today. their observer guy is like “I wouldn't pay that for lemonade unless it's being served by a pretty girl. $1 for the lemonade $4 for the girl” and eww just eww

like legit this one girl is being like “aww thank you” and then kissing them on the cheek like just sell the goddamn lemonades

the guys relocate to somewhere else that looks like monumentally unpopulated and continue making fuck all

most of them are just tryna make the best of a bad job but this one guy just goes full-on quirk and like

first he like pressgangs a woman into trying to sell lemonade? because she's hot. and she's pretty obviously uncomfortable and the dude she's “trying” to sell to is like “what the fuck”

then he spends 20 minutes trying to sell a glass of lemonade for a thousand dollars

“Donald'll be impressed if I sell a glass of lemonade for a thousand dollars”

...

1. Donald hasn't been impressed by anything except himself and his bank account ever. You take a bullet for him on Monday I guarantee he's forgotten your name by Wednesday.

2. If the task was “run 100m” and you spend the time trying to learn to teleport because “Donald'll be impressed if I teleport instead” yeah but it's NOT GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN

Shout to to this one guy who's like “I gotta buy it because you tried so hard” like fucking get shit on, business people running around Manhattan in the early evening trying to sell lemonade. The man on the street sees you and he pities you.

Next day they all go back to Trump Tower *airhorn noises * and Trump walks into the meeting like “I'm very busy today so we gotta go quickly” because good businesspeople know you gotta make your subordinates feel like shit each and every day

So the men doubled their money and the women quadrupled it so it sounds like they both did pretty fucking good, game over I guess

wait no the men are shit

the women's prize is “you get to see the nicest apartment in New York, my apartment, be there at 1 o'clock” and oh god I hope he means pm.

“guys they killed you, they gave you a good beating, so you're not gonna be seeing my apartment” OH SHIIIIIIIIIT

then it cuts to the women going up to his apartment and like you've probably seen photos but like. it's gold. fucking everything is gold. it's got a nice view and they're all gasping about how beautiful it is but you take it from me – this is a shitty apartment. the men are in the suite downstairs washing dishes and I'd rather be there than stuck in a room that looks like Midas came in and just touched everything

Then Melania comes in and it is astonishing how clearly she does not want to be there

“How do you clean a house like this?” “Well we have people for that” *rich white person laughter *

Should have just said “I fucking just pour yellow paint over it, what he's gonna do, notice?”

They all agree she's very lucky and she's like “what is he not lucky?” and good for you Melania, he IS the lucky one because he married someone who isn't gonna spend the next decade trying to tell the world an American was born in Kenya which is more than I can say for you

Cut to The Donald walking into the apartment with porn music playing

“It's nice to see him being more personable” yeah it really humanizes the businessman to know he comes home to an ugly gold house

the whole scene is capped by a woman going “oh this is so rich, this is really rich” like this scene could have been replaced by the words “I HAVE LOTS OF MONEY AND MY GIRLFRIEND'S A MODEL” flashing on the screen for a few minutes. in gold.

honestly just murder me

meanwhile the guys are fretting about who's gonna be FIYAH'D

“I'm a good debater but I know Donald can outdebate me” oh believe me I've spent 4 and a half hours watching him debate, he can't. let's just say he knows how to pronounce the word “wrong” and leave it there

The guy who tried to sell lemonade for a thousand dollars is making up a pros-and-cons list for the other people on his team and it's kind of adorable

“He's just lovable guy with great laughter and smarts” fuck I'm getting business cards with that printed on there and nothing else

The guy with an MD is a goddamn idiot

He was bragging before the meeting like “I can outdebate anyone”

he gets asked if he would have won if he was in charge, easiest question in the world, yes

“I don't think so, sales aren't my forte”

...

...

this is literally a show about selling stuff

if he gets fired I hope his exit interview is him going “oh shit I'm sorry I thought this was Big Brother the whole time”

Trump's lecturing someone on manners, no further comment needed

The leader just got accused of being a bad leader because he listened to some ideas but not others

(unrelated but if I hear the word “leader” one more time I'm not accountable for my actions)

$1000 Lemonade Man has been thrown under the bus, he's standing up complimenting Trump's parents

by NAME

everyone else has got shit-eating grins like “well I'm safe”

the final three up for firing are the captain, $1000 Lemonade Man and The Doctor Who Just Admitted To A Businessman That He's Shit At Business

$1000 Lemonade Man just stood up to make a point, Donald was like “sit down” and he was like “thank you” and sat down like I feel like I just watched a display of dominance

The doctor got fired

His exit interview was “I take solace in the fact that I have a higher IQ than the other 17 people in that room” (fuck you)

“Just goes to show there's no correlation between IQ and success (correct) in lemonade sales *smirk * (fuck youuuu)

17 other people may not be qualified as doctors (and may all be kinda shitty people in their own right) but they had the common sense to not admit to being shitty at business or to jump in front of a cyclist to try and sell lemonade

fuck you

Alright so here's my analysis of The Apprentice's Effect on the Election of Donald J Trump

the message of the show, more than anything about business or leadership or teamwork, was that Donald Trump is a rich and powerful man. Everything else is just buttressing on that. I think if you appear on a show in such a powerful position and you judge people and your word is basically law then that gets to people on a subconscious level because your fuckups aren't making it onscreen. You're not fallible. You're judge jury and executioner and your catchphrase is literally about removing power from other people. I wouldn't go so far to say that 2016 was foreshadowed back then but given how obviously the show is designed to elevate the man to demi-god status...well.

I think it may have also helped elect him because he comes off as a bastard but by God compared to the contestants he comes off brilliantly

#the apprentice #donald trump #fucking shitting hell #murder me to death