things i learnt reading three books of baru:
seth dickinson really likes the words “palimpsest” and “strophium”
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[ID: 13 gifs from season 3, episode 1 “the search, part 1” from the tv series “star trek: deep space nine”, the gifs show benjamin sisko and jadzia dax in the wardroom. jadzia is seated while sisko is standing in front of a monitor.
1st gif: “you know, after jennifer died, i never thought i would see you this passionate about something again.” jadzia tells sisko.
2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th gif: the camera shifts to sisko, who has his arms are crossed in front of him and takes a couple of steps forward, the camera moves with him, “two months ago, i would have agreed with you.” he takes a seat, and the camera focuses on him. “then i went back to earth and i spent all those weeks debriefing at starfleet headquarters. and i… i used to get a thrill just walking into that building. i'd look around at the admirals and think, "one day, that's going to be me." "one day, i'm the one that's going to be making the big decisions."” sisko is slightly smiling at the end.
7th gif: jadzia laughs as she recalls, “curzon always thought that was very funny.”
8th, 9th gif: the camera cuts to sisko, “did he?” then back to jadzia as she explains, “what i mean is he could never see a set of admiral stars on your collar. he thought that just making the decisions would never satisfy you. you had to implement them – “
10th gif: a shift to show sisko listening to jadzia, “see the results, face the consequences.”
11th gif: “curzon always thought you were the kind of man who had to be in the thick of things -- not behind some desk at headquarters.”
12th gif: “he was a smart old man, wasn't he?” sisko gets up and returns to the monitor.
13th gif: “he'd like to think so.” jadzia confirms. /end ID]
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Biting the bars of my enclosure about autistic ford tonight. There's something about him using vocabulary and turns of phrase that seem "outdated" or "pretentious" that feels so painfully genuine to me. When people say he talks like that just to "try to sound smart" I wish I could explain what it's like to be so ostracized from your peers growing up that you spend all your time reading instead, to the point where you pick up your way of speaking from books instead of from people. And then what it's like for people to call you out for "talking weird" over and over again, not able to wrap their heads around why the fuck you would choose more archaic or technical or formal words than the simpler ones that surely come to everyone's minds first. What it's like to have to dedicate a sizable chunk of attention to filtering through every single word you say out loud in real time before you say it, to make absolutely sure that it isn't a word people will judge you for using or make fun of you for using, just so you'll have a chance of being taken seriously. Learning through trial and error how to filter out the words that other people don't think are normal or casual enough for the conversation, even though for you, the word choice that's "natural-sounding" enough for them is the third or fourth word you came up with when searching for the right way to phrase something in your head. I wish I could explain just how long it takes to say fucking anything after spending a lifetime doing that during every single conversation, and how repetitive and long-winded you end up being when you spend so long coming up with alternative ways of saying every little thing you ever think. And I wish people realized that, at the very least for autistic people and autistic-coded characters, speech that's seen as pretentious is really just the way they talk when they're not putting in the extra effort to filter through every word they say just so others will take the time to listen.
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