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pastadoughie · 4 months

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i am literally begging people to stop putting sexism and transphobia on my dashboard please fucking think critically abt ur internal biases for 5 secconds and please accept even an ounce of critisism without assuming that someone is attacking you unfairly

alot of you have extremely sexist beliefs that you dont recognize because within social media as a whole these are incredibly normalized, covering blatent homophobia and misandry in tumblr buzzwords doesnt make you not sexist it just lets you be sexist and homophobic and transphobic in a way that is socially acceptable and incouraged within a queer centric space

i keep seeing posts talking abt how people actively like artwork (writing, photography, drawings) more when they find out its of a butch lesbian and not just a dude, and like, if your opinion on a peice of media can change solely based on the gender of the person being depicted by it, with zero change to the character, then that implies an inharent bias against men like, just because its men doesnt mean it isnt sexism

same thing where people think that media depicting gay men is better when it explicitly isnt written by a gay man, like that implies a fundimental disrespect of the work based on the sexuality and gender of the author. if you like an artwork but then you find out its written by a trans women, and all of a sudden you think its garbage, you are transphobic, but when people try to point this same bias out for the works of queer men this is largely written off.

i know ppl will argue abt punching up and whatnot, and while i do in some ways agree with that overall sentiment, i think that we should be striving to uh, not be sexist at all, rather then just being misandrists instead of mysogenists, like, if you only care about sexism when it hurts women/women ajacent people then you dont actually hate sexism you just want it to harm a different group of people, you dont hate the system you just want to be ontop of it and benifit from it

misandry and mysogeny present in different ways, they arent a directly comparable thing, different people have things worse in different ways so its rlly hard to take a group and say "this group has it worse", like yes generalizations like that can help in an extremely broad sense, but the world is not black and white and this kind of shit is mindnumbingly complex, trying to act like there is some kind of objective scoreing system for who is more oppressed then who is just unproductive and harmful

and moreover, someone having it worse then you doesnt make you less deserving of trying to make your situation better, i dont experience racism and in many many many ways i have it easier then poc people, that does not make me undeserving of support and that doesnt make me complaining or trying to better my situation unreasonable

we can care abt the lives and want to better the situation of different groups simoltaniously, we dont have to stop caring about racism because we want to better transphobia

i get that transwomen have it rlly bad and i do not experience the exact same struggles as them, and therefore cant comment on alot of them, but so often i see erasure of queer men in order to give more focus to transwomen, and just because trans girls go through alot of shit doesnt make that ok

one thing that people have to recognize about misandry and specifically transmisandry that you dont really have to see as much with its mysogeny counterparts is that they have far more attention and people care far more about activism for queer women/women in general, queer mens experience and specifically the transmasc experience is very very very often erased and written off even by supposedly trans friendly and queer sorces, people care more about butch lesbians then they do trans men dispite the insane ammount of overlap between the two groups, when researching about historical butch lesbians alot of them are just, trans guys that people are misgendering and mislabeling as butch lesbians because ooooo woemennnnn

being transmasc myself i can say that like, the erasure of trans men is an extremely large issue, for large swaths of history the experiences of trans people arent paid attention to at all, and even looking at media coverage today, if people are going to talk abt transgenderism they are talking about it specifically under the lens of trans women

this is largely because misandry (specifically, people thinking that having cock and ball makese u somehow predatory) makes trans women an easier punching bag, trans women get more attention because they are easier for radfems (misandrists) to be bigoted against in a more violent way, if you assume all men and amab people are violent and predatory by nature then this makes justifying violence against trans women easier

and yea being a punching bag for the media is fucking hard but it does mean that activism for that group is much much much louder, more people are complaining about trans women so more people know abt the specific issues they face

but dispite trans men yaknow, also existing and recieving a shit ton of transphobia and erasure over history they dont get talked about as much, people hate us and are violent twards us but we dont nessasarily get the same outrage for our treatment

trans men are just as often get the dismissal for being women, and the outrage for being men as trans women do we just dont get as much support and thats really difficult! often people seek to treat transmasculinism as some kind of new thing like, i get the comment often that "usually its boys that wanna be girls" and its like, no. its not. its simply that people care less about us

i think that its really easy to misenterpret me here so im gonna just get this out of the way, i dont think that women have it easier then men in a broad socital sense, but also, i dont nessasarily believe that means that my complaints are invalid, being a queer woman is not a walk in the park, and neither is being a queer man, and both groups experience homophobia transphobia and sexism in different ways, so acting as if saying one is objectively worse then the other is unfair and reductive

i think that if we want to get anywhere in regards to making it easier to be trans then we need to talk about all queer experiences, you cant just, only care about trans women you have to care about all trans people, and moreover queer people in general, this means you HAVE to be vigilant about people wrapping up sexism in a tumblr buzzword packadge, you need to consume things critically and you are not immune to pipelines, people dont just wake up and become radfems you get continually fed more and more extreme idologies, being fed things that you 90% agree with untill you eventually become completely removed from the groups you were supposed to stand with

you can care about the oppression of multiple groups at once, and if you think activism in any way involves the erasure of a certain group then you have fundimentally misunderstood what youre supposed to be doing, queer men exist and they deserve support and respect and you need to be able to support and respect them without being like "ohh she is soooooo trransfemme coded" like. men can be queer and still be men, they can be queer and still deserve your love and support, i am begging.

also yes i am aware that outside of my specific experience of tumblr people fuckin hate trans girls and women in general and they dont feel the need to do this shit. but that doesnt mean what im talking about is not an issue and is not something that people need to change and address. if you find urself doing this shit you have got to reflect on yourself, you arent immune to transphobia or homophobia or sexism ESPECIALLY if you think that you somehow are magically immune. nobody is. no identity is. everybody is suseptible to this shit and it takes active critical thinking in order to combat it

#the beast speaks #i keep seeing this shit on my dash crying screaming throwing up i am begging people to get even a single ounce of reading comprehension #i get this is the piss on the poor webbed site but i try to have hope in humanity and every day i am disapointed further #retchid opinions

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creativia10 · 1 year

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Playing Pretend the Human Way

Prompt: The Collector meets a younger Luz

Warnings: could be seen as one misgendering, (it's unintentional though)

Wordcount: 3630

Notes: Requested by Videogamegal on AO3

Yay, another fic with the collector. I loved young Luz's look in Camila's memory of Luz showing other kids a snakeskin she found. Let me know if anyone wants me to continue this.

The Collector said he would go back to the stars to do some thinking, but they didn’t really know what they were doing. It had been a while since the Collector had been among the stars after all. He just hoped he’d be able to avoid their siblings for a bit though. Not that they were sure how, but they’d try. He was still mad at them.

So there he was, just flying through space. Occasionally he’d play with something harmless that was drifting in space. Although his time among the mortals gave him pause on whether this was the case. Not being sure he just sighed and kept going.

It was honestly kind of boring, and still lonely. He knew eventually he’d come across something else worthwhile. Space was big after all. But they couldn’t help but keep thinking of the ones he left behind.

Luz and some of the others seemed nice and all. But the Collector was well aware of how much he had messed up for them. He didn’t want to chance making anything worse by sticking around.

He didn’t really feel as powerful as he was when they had to think about the limitations of smaller beings. He had never minded his power before. Until he was made aware of how detrimental that could be left unchecked. Particularly around smaller beings like Luz.

In a way, it was nice the others trusted the Collector to know what would be best for him, but he didn’t know what he was doing.

He still just wanted to play. And get to see more of friends who were kids like him, like Luz.

Just as he thought that, a black hole appeared in front of them. Now, the Collector probably could have resisted its pull. But the sudden appearance threw him off guard.

They probably spent too long wondering how it popped up so quickly. It pulled him in. He screamed and threw his arms up as they were pulled through. Again, for some reason, the Collector tended to forget what they were capable of.

Once he had fallen through the black hole, the Collector saw the opening dropped him from the sky. It took a few more seconds of falling for the Collector to remember themselves. He took a breath and flipped forward once before creating a star for themself to float on. Just in time too it would seem, because the star was hovering a few centimeters from the ground.

They probably would have been fine, but still. It probably wouldn’t have been fun. He heard a gasp nearby and turned towards it.

A little girl was staring at them in awe. She had light brown skin, and dark hair in braids facing different directions. There were also barrettes in her hair. She was wearing a small jeans overalls dress over a pink shirt with short sleeves and yellow boots. One of her hands was holding a snakeskin.

“Oh my gosh!” She exclaimed. For some reason, she was the only kid on the playground. She ran over to him.

“You fell out of the sky! And then you caught yourself with a floating star, that is so cool! Are you from another world? That is so cool if you are! How did you get here? You must have powers or something! I’ve always wanted to have powers, what’s it like?”

The collector blinked at her. This girl had a lot of energy. He wasn’t used to getting this much enthusiasm.

“Uh, yes? I mean…” He looked around.

“I don’t really know where I am right now, so I’m not sure.”

Luz tilted her head.

“That sounds scary. Are you ok? How old are you? You look like you’re a kid like me. Don’t worry, I’m sure we can get someone to help you. Do you have parents we can try and contact? I’m sure my momma would help. I don’t know if she’s helped aliens before though, but she can do anything.”

“Um…”

The Collector hugged his knees to their chest. They didn’t really know what they wanted to do. But this girl seemed nice.

“I think I’m going to be okay,” He said hesitantly. They didn’t really want to go back to wandering in the stars yet. Not when he had found someone new to maybe play with on his own, even if he didn’t know how he got here.

“Maybe we could play a little bit first? I’ve been bored.”

They would try to follow her lead with it at first though. That’s one thing the collector wanted to work on, learning how his friends liked to play. He wanted to play with friends after all, without anyone getting hurt.

The girl’s eyes widened and she gasped.

“YES! I would love to play with you!”

She was jumping up and down now, smiling big.

The Collector smiled at her enthusiasm.

“It’s so great to have a friend to play with! My name’s Luz Noceda! What’s your name?” She asked.

The Collector gasped.

“Luz?”

She tilted her head.

“Yeah?”

He had thought there had been something familiar about this girl. Even if she was clearly much younger than the Luz they knew.

Did he somehow go back in time? Unless this was an alternate universe. Honestly, there were many possible explanations for this. Although, now he was curious what Luz had been like as a kid like him. He already knew he liked the original as a friend after all.

“Uh, I go by The Collector,” He said.

She scrunched her face in thought.

“The Collector? That sounds like a character name. What do you collect?”

“Uh, well, I would like to collect friends.”

She giggled at that. “Oh, that’s cute.”

He laughed back. “Heh yeah. Anyway, what do you wanna play?”

She tapped her face in thought.

“Hm, well we could play pretend. That’s one of my favorites.”

He smiled.

“That’s one of mine too.”

Luz cheered and clapped her hands.

“Great! Oo, we could be like superhero witches. I will have snake powers and you can collect I don’t know something that gives you powers, it’s up to you. And we can save weird kids from bullies and journey to defeat the evil Queen bee who targets princesses that need saving.”

“Oh, that sounds fun,” The Collector said.

They then continued, “Maybe I collect palisman, and they are my friends who fight with us!”

“What are palisman?” Luz asked.

“Oh, they’re like magical creatures that are animals made from wood. They can do all kinds of stuff.”

“Oh ok. That sounds cool.”

Luz turned around and took on a fighting pose, looking at something that wasn’t there.

“Fear not, fellow kids! The great Luzura and The Collector are here to save you from these bullies!”

The Collector smiled and took on his own pose. He chanced looking to the side to see there were other kids there. They just weren’t on the playground. The other kids were hiding with their parents, seeming like they wanted to leave.

The collector frowned.

“Why don’t we ask those kids to play with us?” He asked.

Luz wilted slightly.

“They’re not gonna want to play with us. They ran away from me earlier.”

The collector frowned and glared at those kids before turning back to Luz.

“Well, we don’t need them. I can make this game way more fun without stinky kids that run away from you.”

The Collector lifted their hands forward. Sparkling stardust circled his hands. Luz looked at it in awe.

“Do you want me to take us to a cool place to play or give us real opponents to fight?” He asked, because they wanted to consider what Luz would want this time.

Luz tilted her head again.

“Real opponents? I don’t know how to actually fight though.”

“I mean, they could be puppets,” The Collector added.

“Puppets? Who would control them if you’re fighting beside me?” Luz asked.

“I could do both,” The Collector said.

“Oh really? That’s cool. But I don’t want to make you do more for our game.”

“It’s okay,” The collector said, “I don’t mind.”

Luz shook her head. “No, I think it should be fair. Because you’re my friend.”

The collector gaped at her.

“Oh, ok. What if I just put dummies there, and we both pretend they’re doing stuff.”

“Oh ok,” Luz said. “We could try that.”

The Collector snapped his fingers and made two them-sized puppets appear in front of them. The puppets looked like some mean kids the Collector had seen before. It wasn’t actually those kids as puppets this time. They did stand there on their own though.

“Oo, that is so cool that you can do that!” Luz exclaimed.

The Collector smiled at her.

“Thanks! Now we definitely have the better game without those lame kids who ran from you!”

The collector wasn’t actually sure about that, but he hoped it made Luz happy anyways.

Luz smiled at him.

“Yeah ok.”

Luz started to move her arms and legs in moves of imaginary blasts toward the puppet girl in front of her. She made sound effects with her mouth. He noticed she didn’t actually touch her puppet opponent with her swings.

The Collector watched her for a moment, so he could get an idea of what level to follow in this pretend game. He didn’t want to go overboard again after all.

He summoned painted wooden figures of palisman he had seen before. They rested on his shoulders and sat around him on the ground. One on his shoulder was of a small snake.

They heard some whispering from the people by the benches, but he didn’t really care. They were too busy playing with his friend.

He gathered two palisman in his hands, a red cardinal one and a dog. He moved his hands forward, one at a time, and pretended to shoot something with them. It was weird holding back like this. Luz didn’t seem to have a problem doing so herself. And well, playing along side her was more fun than actually doing anything to the puppets anyways.

“Snake blast!” Luz called out as she pushed the puppet over with two hands out.

Luz turned around and gave them an adorable gap-toothed smile. The Collector smiled back and held out both arms for his own final blast.

“Uh, Palisman blast!”

However, he forgot to hold back this time. As he pushed his arms forward twin star blasts shot their puppet way into the distance.

The two kids just stared at where the puppet had been blasted to.

The Collector laughed a little sheepishly and scratched the back of their head.

“Uhh…oops? Heh, don’t worry. I can uh make a new one if we need to.”

Before Luz could say anything to that, a familiar woman started to walk over to them. The collector thought he remembered her as one of their puppets. Also, someone Luz hugged when everyone was reuniting after Belos was defeated. Luz’s mother maybe? That would make sense given where they were.

“Uh, excuse me, but who are you?” The mother asked.

The Collector shrank back and started to hide behind Luz.

“Mama, it’s okay!” Luz exclaimed.

“He’s my friend and he’s really nice.”

The Collector almost corrected Luz on his use of he and they. But refrained from now as he waited to see how her mother would respond to them.

Her mama looked to Luz and then back to The Collector, softening a bit. She still seemed unsure about something though.

“I uh I don’t mean any harm, really,” The Collector said, shuffling in place a bit.

“I just wanted to play. I’m sorry for scaring you. But I promise I don’t want to hurt Luz.”

Her mama sighed and knelt down to meet their level.

“What’s your name?”

The Collector looked down. They figured an adult would react differently to his name.

“I’ve always gone by The Collector.”

Her mama blinked at that.

“Okay…Collector. How old are you? Are you actually a kid?”

Despite the questions, she didn’t look as skeptical as he expected.

“Yeah I am, and uh…” They would have to think about it.

“I’m not sure if my kind refers to age in the same way as you all do.”

Her mama pursed her lips at that.

“Okay. Well, do you have anyone to look after you?”

The Collector tilted their head in thought.

“I’m not sure. I mean, I came from up there,” The Collector pointed to the sky. Both Luz and her Mama looked up where he pointed.

“I don’t know if I have parents the way you all do though. It’s hard to explain. There are my siblings the archivists. But I’ve been trying to avoid them since they dared me to go down on the planet to go play with the Titans. Since that led to me being captured for hundreds of years. Over something that was their fault. So I’m still mad at them. I did make some friends on the planet that are adults. But I kind of told everybody I would do some growing up back in the stars after a mess I caused with them. It’s more boring in space than I remembered though.”

Both Luz and her Mama blinked at that.

“…okay. So what I’m hearing is that you’re here by yourself?” Luz’s Mama asked.

The collector sighed. “Yeah…”

“Well,” Her Mama started. She looked to the side to see the other people there talking amongst themselves. Some were getting out their cell phones.

“First, do you know how to take care of that thing you blasted away from here?” She asked.

The Collector shrugged.

“Maybe, I’m not sure where it went though,” They said.

Her Mama sighed and muttered something in Spanish under her breath.

“Alright, we can worry about that later. For now, unless you know of somewhere you can go, I think we should get out of here,” She said.

“What? Why?” The Collector tilted their head.

“Well…” She hesitated as she looked over the Collector and Luz.

“Many people here saw you doing things most people think aren’t possible,” She said.

“Oh?” The Collector asked and looked around. He hadn’t really thought about that. It didn’t usually matter.

“Ohh,” Luz said, “You think they’ll be mean to him about it?” She asked.

“…yes,” Her Mama said.

“So how about we go somewhere else for now? Only if you’re comfortable with it of course,” She said, looking to the Collector.

The Collector shrugged.

“Okay. I don’t think they can really do anything to me, but if you’re concerned, I’d rather go where I can keep playing,” They said.

“Oh, it’ll be fun to actually have a play date at my house,” Luz said.

Luz’s Mama walked back over to the bench to grab a bag she had left next to it. By then, there were no other mothers on that bench anymore.

“Oo,” The Collector said, “Do you want me to take you all back home faster?”

Never mind he didn’t actually know where they lived.

Luz’s Mama hesitated.

“Uh, can you do that?”

The Collector shrugged.

“Sure, you’ll just have to let me look into your mind so I can teleport us to where you’re thinking of.”

“…or I can just take us back there the way I brought Luz and I.”

The Collector shrugged.

“Okay.”

So this was the house where Luz lived in the human realm? It was much smaller than the castle the Collector created for themselves in the Boiling Isles. Luz and her Mama seemed to have no problem with it though.

Luz had been jumping and chattering the whole way to the house.

“Oo, I’ll go set up a play area for us!” Luz exclaimed before she darted off. The Collector thought he saw her grabbing some pillows and blankets. The Collector smiled and went to go join her when Luz’s mama put a hand on their shoulder. The Collector jumped. She removed her hand.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to talk to you for a moment,” She said.

“Uh, okay,” The Collector said. They were still nervous around nonfriends now. After everything that had happened in the Boiling Isles.

“About what happened at the playground. I know you said you didn’t mean to, but I wanted to know if you knew of a way to control your abilities any better. My house is a bit more enclosed that the park, and I would like to avoid any potential damage.”

“Oh, uh, I think so?” The Collector shifted. “To be honest, restraining my abilities is a bit of a new thing to me. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, it’s okay mijo. I wish I could help you. Wasn’t there anyone who taught you how to use your powers?” She asked.

“Well yeah. My siblings did. But they didn’t really care about restraint either. Honestly the first times I really had to control myself more to avoid harm would have been when I was playing with my friend King and-“

They paused as he had to think about the situation they were in.

“Um, I’m not sure I can say.”

Luz’s Mama looked concerned about that.

“What do you mean?”

“Uh, well…” He sighed. They were going to have to deal with this eventually. Even if all he had wanted to do was play with another kid, and know what one of his friends was like closer to his age. Well physically, he didn’t really know how that worked.

“Well, uh, there’s a possibility I’m from your future, as I know an older version of your daughter. Either that or this is an alternate universe. I wouldn’t be able to know for sure without comparing the similarities to the life of the Luz I know. But I wouldn’t know all the details anyways.”

Luz’s Mama’s eyes widened at that. She muttered something in Spanish again.

“And these are things you consider a possibility for you?” She asked.

The Collector shrugged.

“I haven’t experienced them myself, but yeah. Given what I know about Luz, and how she seemed familiar to me. Plus, I know that there are a lot of possibilities out there in space, even if I haven’t done everything myself. I don’t know how I got here. Maybe a black hole. I was just thinking about Luz before it appeared and dragged me here. I can’t remember the last time I created something by accident like that though. Let alone, how to replicate it,

The Collector continued, “I don’t really wanna go back yet anyways. I’m having fun playing with a kid who actually wants to play with me and isn’t lying. Who I also didn’t have to force to play with me. And yeah, I know I shouldn’t force people to play with me. My friends taught me that. I have tried to be sure I don’t do anything to harm Luz,” The Collector rambled.

“Okay, so that is a lot to unpack there. I guess you can’t help if you don’t know how to get back. You can stay here for now,” She said.

“Thanks, Luz’s Mama! I appreciate it,” The Collector said.

She laughed at that.

“You’re welcome. You can call me Camila. I do think though, if you can help it, you should try and go back,” She said.

The Collector pouted, “Why?”

“Well, because this isn’t where you’re from, kiddo,”

Camila said, “You said you were thinking about my daughter before you came here. Maybe you need to go back and talk with that one.”

The Collector fidgeted with his sleeve.

“I haven’t been gone that long though. What if she and the others think I didn’t care enough about my wrongdoings to return so soon?” They asked.

“I feel like I’m missing some context here. Was this a punishment?” Camila asked.

“Not technically. I wanted to do what was best for the world my friends live in. I made a mess of it, and I want to be better,” The Collector said.

“You said you were alone right? And that you’re a child?” Camila asked.

The Collector nodded.

“From my understanding as a parent, most children need guidance. From important adults in their lives. Like families and teachers. If you’re not ready to be with your siblings maybe you should talk to your friends about how you feel. I’m not sure if I’d trust the archivists anyways. Giving the benefit of the doubt is easier when I understand the situation better. Who you are comfortable with is important too though. Especially when it concerns yourself as a person or uh being.”

The Collector hmmed. Staying on that planet sounded nice actually. Even if he did have to learn more about safe restrictions. It would be worth it though. Friendship had always been most important to them.

“Maybe you’re right.”

The Collector stepped up to her. “Can I give you a hug?” They asked.

Camila smiled at him.

“Of course.”

She bent down and opened his arms for him to lean in and hug her. It was nice.

Luz came back over to them, holding many stuffed animals.

“Okay! I think it’s ready! Let me know what you think Collector,” She cheered.

The Collector pulled back and shot Camila another smile, before giving one to Luz.

“Okay!” They ran over and followed Luz to see what she had set up for the two of them.

Maybe it was okay to enjoy this for now. Then he could see how he could go back and return to the Boiling Isles.

#the owl house #toh fanfic #luz noceda #toh the collector #toh spoilers #toh camila #Creativia toh fics #Creativia requested fics #The Collector and little Luz

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transtenzin · 4 years

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ok umm deleted my first post like a minute after posting because i started panicking and had to type it out again because i didn’t save anything like the dumbass i am, but here it is again 😭

so anyways

nonbinary tenzin!!!

(i’ll be using they/them pronouns for tenzin in this)

katara and aang are trans as well. katara’s a trans girl, and aang’s not a boy or a girl and that’s all you need to know–even if that much 🙄 so it’s not like tenzin and their siblings grow up not knowing that’s a Thing, because they are both very open about gender, especially aang, who encourages them to Think Some Thoughts about gender.

and tenzin tries.

oh boy, do they try lmaoo

tenzin thinks about gender. they don’t really get it tbh. and not in a comedic “what even is gender” meme kind of way, but like. genuinely. but at this point they’re kind of too embarrassed to seriously ask. katara and sokka make gender sound simple and clean-cut, while aang makes it sound like some sort of vague, weird concept, and tenzin’s siblings just kinda took their own interpretations of these and ran with them.

like, okay, sure. tenzin is seen as a boy by the people in the around them. there are certain expectations and assumptions around this perception/what it means. they don’t necessarily like all of them–which is its own can of worms when deciding why–if that is because they simply don’t like these conceptions, or if they don’t like them because they aren’t a guy, but like… picking that apart sounds stressful and complicated.

tenzin hasn’t brought it up with anyone because it’s kind of an awkward and embarrassing thing to admit, but they Super Do Not Like how their voice has gotten deeper. after a while they have realized it is not just the voice cracking thing going on that they don’t like, but just like. in general. everything is okay until they open their mouth 🙃

it’s not like, Every Conversation, but sometimes when they’re talking to someone and it’s a bit quiet, listening to their own voice makes their stomach drop. like that’s really what they sound like. fantastic. 🙃🙃🙃 (/s)

they think about this some but like… not liking their voice doesn’t necessarily mean anything?

kya’s a trans lesbian, and when kya comes out to their family tenzin finally gathers the courage and asks her how she knew. kya admits that it wasn’t like a single sudden realization or a point in life where she just Knew like most people seem to think there is. there were a lot of things that factored into it, but one of the main things wasn’t really how she felt with being misgendered as a boy, but the comfort she took in knowing that there were other things she could be perceived as instead, and other things she could be.

that’s the first time that someone’s ever explained to tenzin their self discovery with that much understanding. it’s a lot better than bumi’s “idk. if you know you know, you know” + generally being annoying about it every time tenzin tries to have a serious conversation (bumi is agender and when they’re like “but how do you know what your gender is” he’s like “you think i would know? rip to you all with genders but i’m different 😌”)

so after this conversation with her, tenzin is just like…. 👁👄👁 omg okay…. that actually makes some sense.

that gets him thinking more, but this time in a more specific direction. they still don’t know anything for sure though. tenzin Suspects they are not Exactly a boy, but other than that??? anyone’s guess is as good as theirs lmao. they try to take comfort in know there are ‘other things’ they could be, but mostly it just ends up stressing them out.

after tenzin and pema are together, tenzin has been thinking about it even more, and wants to talk to pema about it. like. tenzin has decided that there is a large possibility that they are not a man, and choosing a specific label just sounds so… permanent. they haven’t talked to kya or bumi or anyone about THEIR gender, specifically, because like… what’re they going to say? “hey actually i don’t think i’m a guy” “then what are you?” “idk good question”???

but tenzin has been questioning for a while now (like. a while a while LOL), and they want to trust pema with this.

(EDIT: also time to mention pema is a trans woman. i forgot to mention this for some reason)

one day pema says something along the lines of “ur my husband” and tenzin takes the opportunity and kind of just laughs like… what if i’m not… jk…. unless…? 😳😳

it’s not exactly how tenzin wanted to approach the subject ofc. pema grows kind of concerned when they’re like “well… actually… i might not be” and needs to clarify they still very much are pema’s spouse, but like… not husband, specifically. but yes, spouse. maybe?

tenzin is embarrassed at first to admit this because they’re like 40 years old. they just had their first kid. are they not a bit old for this?? (the answer is no, there is no age limit to this sort of thing.)

pema is happy to know and tenzin is happy to have told her because even if they’re still figuring it out at least there is someone who kind of Knows that there is a Possibility They Are Not Cis. and pema’s kind of like… idk… if you’ve been thinking about this for that long then i think there is More than a possibility that you Aren’t Cis. to which tenzin makes sure to emphasize they are still not 100% certain about anything.

pema’s like okay that’s fine but like… you know that you don’t have to be 100% certain to try on a label? labels are not things that have to be permanent. if in a few weeks you are just 70% certain that you’re nonbinary, you’re allowed to say you’re nonbinary. if some time later you find another label you’re more confident in, you can change to that. you don’t have to be absolutely 100% all the time to try stuff out.

tenzin surprised pikachu face

okay so… logically, they’ve known this. other people they know have done this, including their siblings. but otherwise? for themself? it honestly hadn’t crossed their mind that they’re allowed to just. say that they feel like x is a term for them, and then change their mind later.

but as simple as pema makes it sound, tenzin kind of internally cringes at the thought of having to say ‘so i told you i was x gender but now i think i’m x”. isn’t it enough of a hassle to do that all once, but again? just because they weren’t sure the first time??? ughhh

what if they ditched the whole thing altogether? throw the entire suitcase out. who needs a label 😌😌 aang kind of didn’t either

tenzin starts using any pronouns (like aang did, but aang wanted pronouns to be alternated, while tenzin hasn’t necessarily specified that) by the start of lok, but only with their family and korra.

aang also didnt use a label to describe his gender, and tenzin has been trying to be okay with doing the same.

in lok, hearing pema ask “were tenzin and their siblings this crazy when they were kids?” makes them happier than they can express. it’s like there’s little exclamation marks just going off in their head. like yes!!! that is them!! them!!! Euphoria ™ 💓❤💕💞💗💖💝

and then katara’s reply with “not tenzin, she was always rather serious” and tenzin almost forgets that they have to tell korra that they can’t stay and train her because that also makes them elated, although not quite to the extent that pema using “their” did.

after that they’re still going by any pronouns, but they’ve decided they have a preference for they/them.

when they’re back at air temple island, pema asks about other aspects of gender expression. which like lol tenzin has also been avoiding that thanks 💖 they’ve just been presenting as expected by everyone else–keeping their beard, wearing their usual robes, etc. they’re just like “i’m fine as i am ig” which is true. they’ve thought about changing up their appearance but like lol. they are also on the council and tenzin doesn’t need anything else adding an extra layer of stress on those meetings when everyone already seems inclined to not listen to them. which is also why they haven’t told anyone else about using any pronouns.

when season 2 comes around tenzin is still not satisfied with just Not Labeling their gender, but now that they aren’t on the council anymore, they can think about it more.

it’s just… they spent a long time figuring out what gender was, how they felt about their own gender, and while at the time just leaving it alone seemed simpler, it didn’t make them any happier. it really bugs them, actually, lmao.

at this point they are certain they are not a man, and highly doubt they are a woman either. in fact, they’re still not sure if they have a gender like, at all, but they are very hesitant to put a word to it.

they’ve become used to being referred to as a mix of he/they/she/xe/etc. around their family, although their use of he/him has decreased significantly and they mainly use they/them, so when they hear the air acolytes in the southern air temple consistently refer to them as “he”, they sort of have to pause a minute, and then decide to finally say something.

they’re asked then abt their gender and tenzin’s just like… um actually i’m just not putting a label to it atm you know haha ❤

it goes over pretty well but telling other people that makes them realize how much they actually do want to label it, despite how aang used to talk about not needing a word just for others to perceive her gender, and how everyone keeps telling them “that’s valid!”, etc. etc.

the scene in the spirit world with tenzin’s spiritual enlightenment is also about tenzin realizing that they are also free to explore their gender the way THEY want to, not the way everyone else did. even kya’s answer to “how did u know u were trans” doesn’t necessarily have to apply to how they did.

tbh after that tenzin stops caring. and not in an “my gender doesn’t matter to me anymore” way but “it does matter but now i will stop worrying about trying to do gender the ‘right way’“.

afterward they decide they think they are nonbinary. it’s a label that makes them happy, and it does cover what they’ve determined their gender might be. nonbinary is a broad term, and while they’re still not sure of the specifics, that’s okay. if they later discover they’re something else, that’s also okay. they can tell people they are nonbinary, and it’s fine if they have to tell them something different later. it’s not a hassle if it makes them feel happy being out.

tenzin’s family can still use any pronouns for them, but now everyone else is using only they/them for them.

tenzin’s okay with being called a husband/father/etc when coming from their family despite their initial talk with pema because they trust that they Get It and know that it’s not in a Cis Way, you know???

tenzin keeps their beard (unfortunately) and keeps shaving their head and stuff but they occasionally wear dresses with long swishy skirts and the euphoria!!!!! 😭😭 they love the cloak swishing you KNOW they’d love long swishy skirts too

this is actually the happiest tenzin can remember being with their gender and stuff. people are using they/any pronouns for them, they are wearing whatever they want, they are nonbinary, AND people know!!!

also time to mention jinora is transfem nonbinary, and she’s a bit nervous about shaving her head at first to get her tattoos. tenzin reassures jinora that her hair will grow back AND she will have her tattoos, which she’s wanted and has welllll since earned. they have a parent/daughter bonding moment over her distress about finally having grown her hair out as long as it was only to shave it all off.

and tenzin understands that her nervousness doesn’t mean she doesn’t want them–she asked tenzin about getting them way before that. they are hugely significant to her identity, too, just as they are to theirs. tenzin gets it, and keeps going out of their way to give jinora compliments and use her pronouns in front of her while her hair is still growing back.

and ingores that jinora does the same for them for a little while after they tell her they’re nonbinary. no they’re not crying over how sweet their daughter is you are 😭

tenzin is pretty much freely expressing their gender however they want and living their best life now 😌

nonbinary tenzin… ❤❤ we love to see it

also additional headcanons for other characters that didn’t make it in:

sokka is nonbinary and uses ne/nim pronouns

kai is transmasc nonbianry (he/him)

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angelharness · 3 years

Text

oooh my fave ladies. im transmasc so this made me happy aha. going with a pre-entity narrative.

WARNINGS: none

AMANDA YOUNG / THE PIG

• Thinks “I don’t care, I don’t see you any different,” is a supportive and reassuring statement. She’s not unaccepting by any means, but her approach of indifference is understandably a little off-putting.

• In most contexts, Amanda reacts to being corrected with an only barely-passive ferocity, but with you, who she doesn’t feel she needs to constantly defend herself around, she’s more open to addressing her mistakes.

• Likely the type to apologize excessively after using the wrong name, and though you have to assure her it isn’t a big deal, just to correct herself afterward, she gets through this personal hurdle easily enough. She starts using nicknames indicative of your real name to help remind herself, which also functions as a way for her to comfortably express affection.

• Amanda will do some research and a fair amount of reading on her own; she understands that constantly having to correct and inform others about your identity is horribly tiring, and while she knows she can always go to you with any questions, she genuinely wants to be well informed and to be able to be supportive girlfriend.

• If you operate as an apprentice of John’s teachings, she would be open to privately inform John on the matter so he can address you properly going forward. Though a core principle of his faith, judgement will not be directed your way. If you’d rather notify him yourself, or not at all, she respects your choice and will know not to intrude.

• Though known (at least by those close) as the queen of awful, post-breakdown haircuts, when calm and of mind, she has a steady, articulate hand and would cut your hair if you ever wanted, already possessing the instruments for such an occasion. Don’t expect anything stylish, though; her experience comes exclusively from regular trims to keep her hair out of the way while working, not for stylish purposes.

• You bring it up in an evidently joking manner, but Amanda seriously considers kidnapping a doctor to perform any surgeries you’d want. You appreciate the gesture, or the consideration behind it, but you’re likely to turn the idea down. While you may construct brutal instruments of torture and experiment on very unwilling subjects, you still have some standards.

• Amanda will make sure to tell you how handsome you are at any given chance (though never in the presence of company, attributed to her embarrassment over expressing endearment of any sort). Now matter how often she says it, it never loses its sentiment or genuinity. It’s always spoken with a tender authenticity. Despite this, there’s still an aching in her chest at times, wondering so often if you’re aware of just how much she cares for you and how dearly she wishes she could express that.

SUSIE / THE LEGION

• More than understanding. While she originates from a time, not even terribly long ago, where matters like that weren’t very publicly addressed, she’s quickly accepting and very open to learning.

• Zero tolerance for assholes. She knows not to speak over you on matters that she has no part in, but will not stand for dickheads who knowingly and repeatedly misgender or deadname you. She’s quick to alert strangers, too, even if they meant well.

• Pretty fast to adjust to using your correct name. Uses lovey nicknames often, somewhat like Amanda, which also helps to remind her.

• Susie’s incredibly thrilled to call you her boyfriend. The change of title comes easy. Some nicknames she likes as well include cookie, babes, and hotshot—anything exceedingly tacky and sounds like it comes from a fifties high school romcom.

• None of the rest of the Legion give you any trouble, and are surprisingly but welcomingly supportive. Most deriving from unstable home lives and having faced some degree of ostracization themselves, they’re fairly understanding, even the hard-assed Frank. Bigots are usually the subject of their teenage exploits, and if they catch anyone giving you a hard time they make a point to jot them down as a future target.

• Susie would love to help you dye your hair if you ever wanted to (and she’d pushed you to consider it before), though despite routinely dying her own, she’s not very good at it, usually depending on Julie’s directions. Expect your bathroom counter and sink to be stained for some weeks afterward.

• Transitioning in school is never fun, and it’s an extensive process to formally change your name and gender on official records. Your deadname, sadly, will be a constant during the school day, but Susie makes a point to use your correct name, no matter if she’s with you or not. If you’re alright with it, she’ll correct other students.

• With a surprising effort of strength, she peels off the yellowed tape she had used to write your name on her personalized mixtape for you, redressing it with the proper name. Returning it to you, you see the case has been updated with a dressing of glitter stickers and a heart in pink pen.

• Will gladly go clothes shop(lifting) with you, but also is just as ok if you’re fine with your current wardrobe or ever ask to borrow from hers. Either way, keep a constant eye on your hoodies—any she finds lying around are considered up-for-grabs.

• Susie is cautiously worried about having to now compete for your attention when your female classmates gradually start expressing interest in you. It’s a little illogical, considering you two were already officially dating; still, some reassurance is always appreciated, whether or not she expresses it.

• While she will inevitably slip up from time to time, you always feel comfortable bringing that up with her. You’re never met with sudden defensiveness or hostile confusion, but rather an open and considerate mind, even if she doesn’t understand entirely. She learns quickly and is thankful for your input, even more so that you feel like you’re able to talk to her about such matters. Susie would never want you to stay silent on issues like that.

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jungkooks-left-tiddie · 3 years

Text

In Conclusion; it do be like that sometimes.

You can Find the Wattpad version here :))

Warnings: Mentions of an arranged marriage, Alcohol use, A nosey man, People constantly misgendering others, Inability to understand personal boundaries.

Words: 4.7k, (An apology for posting this so late)

Hadi

August 28th, 2020; 3:17 pm

Beirut, Lebanon.

"Golfing? Seriously?" To say that Hadi was having a bad day was the understatement of the century. She overestimated her ability to wake up on time, which then led to her running around the house, trying to finish some pending work, when she got the memo that her father wanted her to join him at an investor's private golf club.

"Yes, and you best hope I see you here in the next 30 minutes," Her father threatened. Hadi shook her head.

"I don't have any choice do I?" She cut the call, tossing her phone on her bed and rummaged through the wardrobe to try and find the right outfit. Pulling out a rather plain beige checkered sweater, she scrunched her nose in disgust. Golf outfits were so incredibly plain; I mean, where was the ✨✨pizzazz✨✨?

"Ugh, boring-ass outfits, no fashion sense at all," She was about to apply her perfume and concealer, but she decided against it. God knows how her father and the other men would react.

Double checking her belongings again, she fed her kitten and played with him for a while. Glancing at her watch again she sighed loudly. Blu-- her kitten-- as if he could sense her reluctance meowed loudly and purred; almost as if he was telling her to not go.

"I know sweetie, I don't want to go either. But I have to," Hadi picked up Blu and put him back in his small bed. "Behave well for me, ok?" Blu just meowed in response.

Hadi grabbed her keys and entered the elevator. She made her way to the building's parking lot and buckled herself up, groaning when her phone-- that was connected to the car's bluetooth-- rang loudly.

"Yes, Hassan?" She sighed audibly. Her day was bad enough already, and she didn't need another person who made it worse.

"My man Hadi!" She winced at the use of the incorrect pronoun. "You still up for drinks tonight?"

"I'm sorry, Hassan. I have to attend to some incomplete work today," Hadi lied. Was she sorry about it? Not at all! Any time away from people was worth lying for.

"Aw! Well, its your loss," She rolled her eyes, "Everyone's going to be there, you sure you don't want to come?"

"I'm sure, Hassan." She cut the call, not particularly in the mood to talk to him for longer.

Hadi was not even 20 minutes into her drive when she got a notification about a meeting she was supposed to attend in a few hours. She was kidding about having to attend a meeting, but since when did things go her way anyways? And usually she would groan at the mere mention of a meeting, but this time, Hadi was actually excited for it. I know, I can't believe it either.

Taking a sharp turn, Hadi saw the isolated roads ahead of her and she suspected that she was nearing the location her father had given her.

"This isn't that far away from home," She noted, pausing for a moment and drove her car to the parking lot. The security, as if knowing who Hadi was, immediately let her in.

Hadi parked in the designated place and went to the reception.

"Hi sir, how may I help you?" The receptionist looked up from her computer screen with a polite smile.

"I was wondering where I could find Mr Kanoo?" The gut feeling of being extremely out of place never left her.

"Oh, Mr Kanoo and his daughter are waiting for you in course number 17," She smiled and gestured the way to the course. Hadi gave her a swift smile and began walking; only to pause suddenly.

"Actually I was wondering if I could you could do me a favour," She walked to the receptionist's desk yet again.

"Of course, sir."

"I know this sounds really odd," Hadi gave a sheepish smile, "But could you get me a locker in the men's dressing room? I have to attend a meeting after this and I have no time to change," She explained, handing out her card for them to swipe. To her surprise the receptionist just smiled and pushed the card back towards him.

"Mr Kanoo will be taking care of all your expenses," She smiled and showed Hadi the way to the locker rooms.

Hadi quickly ran back out, grabbed the suit hanger from her car and hurried towards the direction of the locker room. Twisting the knob to its combination, she gently folded her suit so that it won't catch any wrinkles, put it inside and twisted the knob again.

A quick glance at her watch told her that if she didn't start running, she'd be executed.There was absolutely no way she would make it in one piece if she ran, so she opted for walking briskly instead, following the arrows that made it easier to navigate the huge club.

Hadi sat down on one of the benches, crossing her long legs. She spotted her father, Mr Kanoo and a woman who seemed like his daughter from a distance and frowned.

'Why's she here?' Usually, Hadi wouldn't worry about petty things like someone's daughter playing golf, but judging by the way Mr Kanoo's daughter was laughing at something that Hadi's father said, she was concerned.

Hadi's father never cracked jokes. Heck, he wasn't even remotely funny. Convinced she was just being paranoid, she consulted the council of wise turtles.

Another quick look at her father told her that he was still in a deep conversation with the other man. So she did what she always does best: Hadi scrolled through her social media to see what was up.

She quickly switched her phone off when she heard the voices of approaching footsteps and loud laughter.

"Hadi my boy! It's absolutely wonderful to see you again!" Hadi stood up.

"I could say the same thing, mr Kanoo," She gave a curt smile and brought her hand out to shake the older man's, hoping she looked polite enough.

"Sit down, sit down!" Mr Kanoo gestured one of the waiters to come over, "Right, take down the order," He looked at Hadi and her father.

"Any preferences?"

"Yes," Hadi turned towards the waiter, "I'd like a Mai Tai and a grilled lentil panini," Excited at the prospect of proper food, Hadi wondered that maybe coming here wasn't a bad decision after all and only zoned back in when she heard the waiter coming back with his order.

'Damn, good food and fast delivery? I need to come to this place often.' She found herself thinking as she took a bite of her panini, almost moaning at its exquisite taste.

She drowned out the loud voices of her father and the other man, who now began talking about investments and shares.

"So tell me Hadi," Mr Kanoo turned to him with a devious smile and Hadi knew, that no matter what question she was asked, she had to be careful while answering.

"This new project your father was telling me about," He swirled his glass, "May I know the profit margin that you're expecting?" Hadi sipped her drink.

"I guess father forgot to mention that this was a non-profit project," She avoided her father's glance, "It is meant to provide for children who are in need of food and shelter," Mr Kanoo held a contemplating gaze.

"And say, how do you plan on funding the project in the future?" All of a sudden, all eyes on the table were on her.

"Well," Hadi sipped her drink yet again, "We've set up a trust fund for starters," She set her almost-empty glass down, "And the final details for the project will be discussed today," She smiled at the older man again,

"But it's the generous businessmen like you who really make a difference," A BIG LIE. While Ahmed Kanoo did give away money for charity often, Hadi couldn't really say the same for other businessmen and their companies. She just hoped that Mr Kanoo would buy her compliments and agree to fund this project alongside her.

And once she saw the satisfied look that Mr Kanoo now wore, Hadi finished up the delicious panini and her drink.

"Do we have a deal then?" Her father prompted, setting his glass of scotch down and looking expectantly at Mr Kanoo.

"I believe we do!" They laughed and shook hands, which-- if Hadi's mental guide for corporate body language was right, meant that they had another ulterior move. There was no way in hell that they would laugh if they weren't the closest of friends (in this case, they really were not).

"So Hadi, when are you planning on settling down?" Hadi shifted uncomfortably.

'Well, Fuck. Time to dissolve.' Hadi was ready to yeet herself off a cliff.

"S-settle down..?" Of course Hadi knew what they meant by 'settle down', she just didn't know how to tell them that she was in fact, ✨✨gay✨✨.

"About time, don't you think? The company needs an heir, and judging by your success, I don't think it would be hard to find you a good wife," Hadi gave a polite smile, and laughed lightly, the kind of laugh that oozed discomfort. She stopped laughing after her father gave her a pointed look.

"W-wait you're serious?" Was it too late to run away? This has to be the worst thing her father has done after supplying her mom with his sperm, (which meant she had to be born), and assuming her gender and sexuality.

Hadi's head was spinning. She had no idea what her father and that other dude were planning, but whatever it was, it didn't seem too good.

"Of course daddy's serious," Hadi stiffened at the sudden contact of-- was it an arm?-- with her thigh, "And of course, he was referring to me," Ok, this lady was beginning to get on Hadi's nerves. She was silent the whole time, why open her mouth now? And what exactly did she want from Hadi?

"Excuse me?" The lady continued looking at Hadi in a predatory way, "What exactly do you mean?" She just wanted answers, goddamnit!

"Daddy always got me what I wanted," She drawled, leaning in towards Hadi's stiff body, "And when I told him that I wanted you; well, of course he complied!" The creepy lady whispered in his ear.

To anybody else, it would've looked like they were two best friends who were sharing secrets. And perhaps for that very reason Mr Kanoo and Hadi's father had assumed something else out of a situation that was now excruciating for Hadi to continue pretending that she was ok with.

"We should leave them to talk amongst themselves," Hadi whipped her head and looked at her father with pleading eyes. When it was clear he wasn't going to do anything, she had to take matters into her own hands.

"NO!" The chair on which she was sitting on scraped loudly against the rough asphalt of the ground.

"I mean," Hadi cleared her throat as her father and Mr Kanoo's scrutinising gaze pierced through her, "I have a meeting to attend and I really should get going," She quickly stood up, dusting off the ridiculous sweater she was wearing in the name of golf.

"I hope you don't mind me leaving so suddenly," Hadi smiled and tried to use all the charm she could, hoping that they fall for it.

"Of course, of course!" Mr Kanoo laughed heartily, "You have a company to run, I understand," She shook hands with the older man one more time and briskly walked, (it was more of a run, really), back to the locker room and changed out of her atrocious outfit in record time, from where she made her way to the parking lot again and drove out of this club as fast as the speed limit would let her.

She breathed out out in relief-- a breath she didn't even know she was holding-- as she slowly reached the familiar traffic in the main road. The experience at the golf club was something she never thought she'd live and she vowed never to go back to that place again; which was a shame because the food was amazing.

Hadi sighed, what would she have done if the meeting for discussing the project wasn't scheduled today? She shook her head and dismissed those thoughts. Groaning again, she leaned against the steering wheel when it was evident that this traffic was not going to ease up anytime soon.

This is exactly why she never left home.

It took Hadi almost an hour and a half for her to finally reach her office. If she hadn't left the club at the time she did, she'd probably have missed her meeting.

Hadi entered the lobby, greeting the workers as she made her way to the meeting room. This project was something she needed to do. This was singlehandedly, the most important project that Hadi has worked on, and she wondered if there was something that could top its importance.

"Chairman sir! you're here!" Hadi smiled and took her seat at the far end of the room and picked up one of the files lying on the table.

She read over every detail with outmost precision, being careful not to miss even the tiniest of details.

"I think we should tweak up the decor a bit," Everyone in the room analysed the papers that lay spread on the conference table.

"You know, make it a little more homely," Hadi glanced at the interior designers she'd hired for this project, looking for their approval.

"I suppose we could stray from the whole 'high society' vibe we had going on," At their approval, Hadi breathed a sigh of relief.

The next hour was spent on finalising the interior of the shelter, to make it as welcoming as possible. Every small thing, from the colour of the lights, to the accessibility of the furniture was addressed.

Eventually came the time for the the finance department to propose a solution for the funding issue; and the CFO, Khalid Yusuf and his team did not disappoint.

"We thought of something like this," He looked at Hadi and brought the plans, "There are lots of investors who've given the go, right?" Hadi nodded and Khalid continued, "So we can make use of the trust fund we set up, and also hold fundraisers and donations," Hadi was smiling now.

"I like that idea. We should hold an event once every 3 months," She nodded to herself, "And it can be something that people enjoy," The Event management team took this as their cue to formulate ideas.

"Sir, I think we could do something different for every fundraiser we hold," A meek voice suggested from the back of the room, going silent when their superior was glaring at them.

"Sorry sir, I told him not to interrupt but--"

"No," Hadi raised her palm to stop the employee from glaring at the poor intern, who now looked terrified.

"Go on," She urged the intern to continue what they were saying. The intern glanced at their superior once again, and Hadi sighed.

"Ignore them and continue," The intern paled and nodded.

"If we could conduct a different event for each fundraiser, it would not only be more fun, but will also increase participation," The intern grew a little more confident at their boss's nod.

"And increased participation means--"

"--More funds generated." Hadi was impressed. "What do you suggest we do for the first fundraiser then?" The intern looked at her in disbelief.

"Wait you're actually serious?" She frowned, what part of her looked like she was joking?

"Of course I am, why would I joke about this," She looked at the bundle of nerves in front of her. The intern was so happy, his face was almost ready to split in half.

"Thank you so much sir, I promise I won't disappoint!" To everyone's surprise, the intern-- whose name Hadi later learned was Tyrone Booker-- presented an amazing idea that everyone thought was extremely fun to both plan and partake in, and personally speaking, Hadi couldn't wait until this plan was put in action.

Now the usual drill would be to schedule a meeting sometime in the coming weeks, but seeing as they were already behind schedule, Hadi decided it would be more productive if they stayed and finished the discussion today, so she could not only enjoy her vacation, but also that the preparation for the event itself would have more time and they wouldn't have to rush into anything.

"I know you all are probably tired, but I think we may have to spend the night finagling our plans for the fundraiser," Hadi was quick to notice the annoyance that bubbled in the room, "Let's do one thing," She glanced at her watch, "It's 9:30 now, so let's take a break for an hour, to eat or plan, whatever you want, and we'll get back to our discussion at 10:30. Sound's good?" Everyone agreed, although reluctant, they understood that it was either they spent another 3 hours here today, or they had to rush in with all the plans in the last minute.

The heads of department and their respective teams all went to their own places all over the office building. A few in the library, a few down in the lobby and some even went to the rooftop. But everyone in the building, including Hadi herself, had ordered themselves a hot meal that was coming their way too, and perhaps that was what kept them going.

Hadi pondered how she would use her time. She knew she couldn't waste much just thinking about what to do, so she just caught up with some of her friends on social media.

Hadi only stopped texting when she got her food, some good ol' Spicy Ramen. Just the smell of the Ramen itself was enough to brighten anyone's mood and today, she felt her mood instantly lift up one she had a bite of her food.

I'm forgetting something, aren't I?' Hadi paused the intense inhaling of her food and wondered why she suddenly thought she was forgetting something. She eventually attempted to brush it off thinking that she was just being anxious.

Key word: attempted.

Because no matter how much she tried to convince herself that she wasn't forgetting anything, a small voice in the back of her head kept telling her to remember. But Hadi could not, for the love of her life, remember what it was that she had forgotten to do, when it suddenly hit her like a truck, she promised her friend Meghana that she'd call her father.

Mentally cursing herself, she texted Meghana and asked her if it went too late for her to call Meghana's dad. Luckily she wasn't and she talked to Meghana's father, who-- to Hadi's surprise-- wasn't as bad as she thought he would be.

She answered all of his questions like, 'Will there be alcohol,' 'What all are you planning to do,' 'How long is the trip,' and 'Please don't let Meghana do stupid things.' The last one was more of a request, but Hadi complied nonetheless, there was no way Meghana could do such stupid things, right? Unbeknownst to her, she was actually underestimating how much of a chaos that girl really was.

But Meghana's father ended the call stating that he's willing to send Meghana on the trip, so I guess that was a success? Hadi doubted her socialising skills, but they weren't that bad!

After that whole fiasco, Hadi finished up her dessert for the night, and chatted with her (friends? She really didn't know at this point) for some more time,

Only when the team members started coming back in did Hadi realise that she's been chatting with her friends for almost 45 minutes.

They resumed the meeting with a little more vigour compared to when they left an hour ago, and Hadi was happy to see the progress they'd made in the short time they'd been allotted.

"So I thought that maybe going with a little more laid-back, casual style for the venue would be great, seeing that many of our guests are either going to be businessmen or just normal people out there for a good time," Tyrone explained, turning to face the people in front of him,

"The casual vibe will also help the employees and people have a great time in general, and will also lighten up the environment as opposed to a more professional one," Hadi felt that this particular reasoning was weak, but made no comment on it and instead waited for him to continue.

"A causal theme is also beneficial for our company as it boosts the overall company image and the relationship between the employees. Its also a great networking opportunity for people who're looking forward to socialising, and in fact, I would say that the whole atmosphere promotes creativity and improves motivation,"

"And lastly," Tyrone smiled sheepishly, "Although I feel like this is out of my place to say this, the environment is especially great if you have a lot of pent up stress and you're looking for a way to release it. No offence to anyone here, but some employees could really use the stress relief; and I am not even talking about our main event, I feel like the overall mood is very uplifting," He concluded, looking at Hadi for confirmation.

"I think the casual theme world be a great idea," Hadi deduced, the reason-- although it was presented as a lengthy one-- was very simple. People needed to enjoy what they payed the money for.

"And the main event is also very fitting for this theme, in my opinion." Elissa-- one of the interior designers she'd hired-- remarked.

"I agree, you can't have a bowling alley with a professional theme," Yazra, the head of the Marketing team added.

As the majority of people agreed with the casual theme, they decided that it would be the final theme. It took them another 3 hours to finalise the venue, the food and most importantly, the cost of entry. But finally, they were done!

Hadi was so tired, she could literally fall asleep on the conference table. But unfortunately, she didn't have that privilege. She thanked everyone for their immense help, time and contribution and eventually drove back home.

The streets, to her bad luck were filled with heavy traffic and Hadi was almost ready to cry. This day had already tested her patience and will to live enough; so why on Earth was this day just getting worse at it progressed? She hoped--prayed even-- that Blu did not trash the entire house by the time she got back. She was in no way, mentally (or physically) capable of dealing with his destructive tendencies.

'Finally' Hadi thought as the traffic started to clear out and she could drive back to her apartment and s l e e p. The feel of her bed and the comfort it brought was so close, Hadi could f e e l it in her bones.

15 more minutes. Just 15 more minutes and she'd be in the comfort of her home, with the warmth of her duvet and her smol kitten.

She entered the building with a newfound determination, greeting the security who was on his night-shift, and then made her way to the elevator and went up to the 25th floor; her floor. Technically she was the only habitant of the apartment of that floor, so there really was no harm in calling it 'her' floor.

Hadi realised just how tired she was after she punched in the passcode to her flat and swiftly made her way inside. She barely had the energy to move, let alone change her clothes, but she managed to gather all the energy she could and changed into her night clothes. A quick check on her cat told her that Blu-- like her-- was getting ready for bedtime, curling his tiny body in the small bed that Hadi got for him; and Hadi was overjoyed to find out that Blu hadn't trashed anything today. She guessed that even the most destructive of animals get tired of breaking stuff every once in a while.

Without any other distractions, Hadi plopped on her bed and drifted to sleep as soon as her face hit the pillow.

And so she slept, without a care in the world, because starting tomorrow, she was on vacation; and this time, she will make sure that she enjoys every single minute of it.

______________

A/N:

So,,,,, uhm,,,,, *shuffles and looks at cue cards* *Ducks under the table because of the rotten tomatoes being thrown*

I know I was supposed to post this earlier but I honestly have no excuses this time,,, I was suddenly hit with writers block and I was trying so hard to finish this piece, but it was so hard because I know literally nothing about the corporate world or how its run for that matter. I managed to evade it in the first chapter but I needed that info this time,,,,

So a big thanks and shoutout to my mom for sitting wit me and explaining business terms and answering my useless questions lmao. I hope you enjoyed this, and also let me take the time to remind you to be nice, and USE THE PREFERRED PRONOUNS OF PEOPLE WHO ASK YOU TO USE THEM. Unless they've told you otherwise,,,,

Anyways, I promise the next chapter will be up sooner than this one,,,

Signing off like always,,

Meg❤️.

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momestuck · 5 years

Text

Epilogues: Meat ch 18-27 [Epilogue 4]

So that happened.

In this chapter: a struggle over narration itself.

Dirk Strider has assumed control of the narration. Not unprecedented - Homestuck loves to put its narration in-voice for various characters - but in this case he’s making out that it was him all along, which has like, consequences I guess?

chapter 18

Dirk is narrating, and John actually notices sometimes - when Dirk uses words like ‘functional necessity’. But because Dirk has control over his internal monologue, the plot presses on.

It seems that just about the entire Furthest Ring has gone into the black hole, except for John maybe? Dirk narrates that John starts to blame himself for all this, and thereby decides not to go back to Earth C. He then directs John to find his dad’s wallet, floating in the void.

Despite what Dirk has said, he certainly has a different narrative voice to the preceding narration.

It’s notable that John seems to have some independence from Dirk’s narration. He can directly respond in dialogue to Dirk’s declarations, including to challenge them. Dirk’s power as narrator seems to be limited, not equivalent to the full powers of the ‘author’.

chapter 19

Dirk continues to narrate Jade giving an economic presentation to Roxy and Callie, on the subject of how Jane wants to basically recreate capitalist hierarchy, but on the new world, and that’s a pretty dreadful idea. She actually says the words “capitalist hierarchy”, and declares “none of that stuff works”... Homestuck’s politics seem to have changed, at least somewhat. (Perhaps due to Cephied’s influence..?)

Roxy is reluctant to get involved in politics, and concerned for Jane... and Dirk says something which I think will be important.

In the spirit of full disclosure, Roxy’s the only one left I haven’t been able to crack. Her mind remains a total enigma to me, just like it always has. If I had to guess, it’s her Void powers that make her invisible, even to increasingly omniscient parties such as myself. For all intents and purposes, it’s like her thoughts don’t exist. She’s the same person, as far as I can tell. She still wears her heart on her sleeve. But the bottom line remains: Roxy Lalonde is still utterly fucking inscrutable.

Anyway, then something else significant happens... Callie says they’re nonbinary.

CALLIOPE: yoU are absolUtely not an asshole!

CALLIOPE: i didn’t mind being called a girl. i still don’t really mind, it’s jUst not exactly... accUrate.

CALLIOPE: bUt i did take comfort in “being a girl” for a very long time. this is something i’ve only recently decided.

Roxy likewise says they’re enby too... this causes Dirk to have a bit of a meltdown.

I never would have guessed. Not that I’ve spent much time contemplating issues related to gender. I’m pretty secure in my expression of masculinity, and...

You know what? Fuck this. I don’t owe anyone an explanation of any sort on this topic. I’m confident with who I am, what I am, my gender, as well as my understanding of the concept. You want my honest opinion? It’s fucking fantastic. Good for them. Both of them, I mean, but also, both of them in a singular fashion, since each one can now individually be referred to by the conventionally plural word “them.” I’m ecstatic for this personal development they’ve embraced, for the people they are, the lack of gender they identify with, and the pronouns they prefer. I’ve got no problem with it whatsoever, and frankly, it’s fucking insulting anyone would ever imagine otherwise.

So yeah, I’m gonna allow it.

‘secure in his expression of masculinity’ was not the impression I had of Dirk personally, but I guess we’re going with this characterisation here.

For the rest of this chapter, Dirk keeps misgendering Roxy and Callie in narration - seemingly not deliberately, he swears and corrects himself shortly after.

There’s another interesting conversation where Calliope talks about how ideas of gender were, ‘circuitously’, transmitted to Calliope/Caliborn from watching Earth, and how these shaped Alternia (ok this one’s a little confusing because they didn’t make Alternia? though of course Doc Scratch did affect Alternia). So the system of gendered social relations is literally a “copy without an original” - Baudrillard was more right than he knew!

Anyway Dirk interrupts this discussion to narrate that Jade has a sudden vision of the black hole, and passes out...

chapter 20

Jade ‘wakes up’ in the furthest ring - was there a Dream Jade out here? i thought all the dream selves died but I don’t really remember anymore. Over here, she’s injured - she’s got a big piece of ‘the absence of a future’ skewering her.

Dirk narrates how she’s drawn towards the black hole - ‘the dead cherub is making her move’. At one point, his orange narration is interrupted by red text - the word ‘come’.

Of course, we now know that this dead Jade will fall into the Candy universe, where it will be inhabited by alt-Calliope. I am rather confused about how this came about though. Who’s this almost-dead Jade floating in the Furthest Ring? Why did Jade’s consciousness get shunted into her body?

chapter 21

Dave and Karkat are witnessing the first brood from the Mother Grub. Dave figures it’s kind of gross... and Karkat agrees after ribbing Dave a bit for being insensitive.

Anyway they’re here to try and win over Rose and Kanaya to the election campaign, only, they’re being predictably very Dave and Karkat about it, which is fun. Dirk’s narration is almost taking a backseat here... though occasionally stepping in to point to a trait of characterisation as why he’s going to win.

It’s nice to have Kanaya give some proper dialogue! She talks a bit about troll reproduction, the latent potential for fascism in both Jane and... Feferi. Which, fair.

Anyway Kanaya is rightly pissed about Jane’s plans for troll eugenics.

Dirk occasionally editorialises. Morality, he declares, is a cultural construct (complicatedly true so far as it goes) - it’s “pure ego” for them to think their morality will guide them to the “most effective” laws (that’s also a cultural construct you fucking idiot!)

Dave, continuing in his capacity to make everything as maximally awkward as possible, starts speculating about ectobiological ‘Rosemary babies’ (Kanaya has apparently not considered the term ‘Rosemary’ before, and declares that she hates it).

Kanaya gets concerned and calls Rose - and Dirk reminds us that she’s unconscious on his floor, and answers for her, but explains nothing. Because “John’s doing something important to the plot again” - and Dirk has to be there to narrate, I guess.

chapter 22

Keen to complete his full assumption of the role of ‘anime villain’, Dirk’s narration starts talking about breaking down the boundaries between people to become gods - to become ‘one god’.

Anyway, in this chapter, John bumps into Meenah’s ghost. She steals the Ring of Life that he previously took from Aranea while performing his current spate of retcons, and jumps into a ‘server’. (What did the servers do again? I don’t remember... ok apparently they’re just there in the Furthest Ring, as places people can store such things as wizard fiction and ~ATH programs on them...)

anyway it seems that Meenah can go through the door in the server somehow. presumably ending up in the Candy universe? idk. The wiki didn’t say a lot about what these servers do.

chapter 23

Not much narration, just dialogue. Kanaya arguing with Dirk, specifically. She’s not impressed by Dirk’s excuses (Dirk briefly interrupts to declare that she doesn’t really ‘understand’ Rose, even though she loves her) and sets out to retrieve Rose. Dirk keeps this a secret from Rose...

chapter 24

Minimum editorialising from Dirk this time. John floats around endlessly, and runs into... Terezi! Sure am glad to have her back :D

chapter 25

Dirk and Rose have an argument about... intimacy, identity, and other such philosophical things. Kirkegaard is name-dropped, and it comes out that Dirk (like me lol) gets most of his knowledge from Wikipedia, because obviously he grew up in a post-apocalyptic world...

ROSE: Who exactly were the academic cognoscenti of your era to determine which sources were deemed respectable?

DIRK: That would be me, obviously.

ROSE: Ok.

DIRK: I suppose you’re going to tell me you haven’t read enough Wikipedia articles on loads of scholarly shit to fancy yourself an elite academic by 25th century standards as well?

ROSE: No, I guess I have.

ROSE: I’d be one of the top intellectuals by that measure.

ROSE: A measure set by, I guess, literally one solitary self-absorbed teen boy for the express purpose of making himself feel clever.

DIRK: Absolutely correct.

They agree to have an ‘amateur philosophical debate’, which comes around to whether ‘free will’ exists. Oh boy. Dirk gets Rose to try to stand up, but then doesn’t ‘narratively allow’ it.

Dirk lectures her on the origin of her condition: the disappearance of boundaries in the ‘ultimate self’ amounts to an ‘unbundling’ of experiences (subjectivity, I guess) and the physical processes connecting to it. Dirk, supposedly, is strong enough to withstand this - so he offers to support Rose as she opens her ‘other eyes’, seeing what Dirk sees - presumably the ‘entire story’ that they’re in?

In this state, Rose is also able to see across into the Candy story. She describes both branches as a kind of ‘gross conceptual clumping’, comparing it to congealed sugar in a drink.

Dirk invites her to ascend - that she won’t be ‘her’ anymore, but ‘better’. This is described as an intimate process of perfect knowledge of the other person... and leads Dirk to start speaking possessively of Rose, his daughter in every respect, including ‘soul’.

Oh no Rose... this isn’t ideal :/

it’s funny, I have written before about such a ‘coming together’ of people, of ‘ascension’ in a similar sense, in my story ‘hacker’. but that wasn’t about assuming an ‘ultimate’, godlike form - the gestalt was a different person with different concerns, but not a ‘perfect’ person. here it’s a much more negative thing - a way for Dirk to take control over the ‘ultimate’ Rose.

chapter 26

Dirk’s narration seems to be perceptible, at least in some sense of inner monologue, to Jade. He’s trying to persuade her not to descend into the Black Hole (which, we now know to mean, the Candy universe) through his ‘metatexual’ messaging.

But he’s not succeeding. Alt-Calliope once again interrupts the narration at one point - and Dirk previously did not seem to recognise that it’s her doing it, but now he does.

In Dirk’s eyes, what he’s trying to prevent is a suicide. We know that going into the black hole is not suicide, but going to the Candy universe.

Notably when Dirk has the narration outright declare that something happens, that does not mean it takes effect in the way he describes. He is literally an unreliable narrator.

chapter 27

At this point, alt-Calliope and Dirk are outright fighting to contradict each other in the narration. (i’m gonna keep using ‘she’ pronouns for alt-Calliope, since to my understanding she’s a different person than Calliope)

alt-Calliope’s descriptions are adorably alien - referring to the ‘layers of flesh over her skull’ that maker her ‘expressive’, for example.

Apparently it’s not Jade occupying Jade’s body back on Earth C - the Meat!Earth C that is - but alt-Calliope. Alt-Calliope starts lecturing Dirk in the narration of the corrosive effect of his ‘megalomaniacal’ intentions. Somehow, she pretty much entirely shunts Dirk out of the narrator role. Dirk’s text - complaining rather than narrating - shrinks, and ultimately disappears.

There’s a fucking amazing moment when alt-Calliope gets Dirk going on a whole rant about katanas and how she’s supposedly metaphorically using them wrong.

But ultimately, what she’s going to do is just... ignore him. Or rather, talk about him like he isn’t in the room; use his metaphors, but do not allow him the dignity of response.

experiences such as the sensation of presiding over a vast, empty ocean. his ocean, which terminates with his horizon. it is a barrier, not real, but psychological, symbolic. no matter how much power he achieves as a man, he knows there are horizons he perceived as a boy which he may never cross. and yet i have crossed mine, with the express purpose of perpetually and eternally reminding him of his limits, and of enforcing them. limits, which like his vast, empty ocean, serve to remind him that he is phenomenologically, if not literally, alone. that he has experienced loneliness intimately and absolutely, just like i have. but unlike me, he is terrified by it. and i, unlike him, understand all too well that the children left alone are those who most despair at being ignored.

Epilogue 4, in summary

Damn. I can see why they call this the ‘meat’ route.

So.

Dirk has found some way to assert control of the narrative voice. In this capacity, he’s run roughshod over the various events trying to mechanically arrange them to achieve... some kind of end. But his carelessness in attending to the specific characterisations, instead of relating everything back to himself, somehow left him vulnerable to be excluded from the narration by alt-Calliope.

Whatever Dirk’s plan is, it seems to require... Jane and him to assume rulership of Earth C, and... what else? Well he wanted Jade to go into the Furthest Ring, but not to enter the black hole (because ultimately that allowed alt-Calliope to enter the narrative). He wanted John to do various ‘plot relevant’ things, like... presumably hand over the ring to Meenah, acquire the wallet, and meet Terezi.

Where’s all this going? Fuck knows lol!

We can try and talk about all the issues of identity, ‘free will’ and so forth towards the end, and the interesting attempt to connect that to gendered subjectivity, once we’ve taken in the story as a whole.

#momestuck

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