#making playlists that way kind of feels like ive put the story into a heart monitor. its not showing me all the vitals but its showing me

[dallonwrites]

did not write as much as i liked today but i made the playlist for the nanowrimo 2023 project that has a specific order to reflect the tones of the story and that's the closest i get to outlining before a draft so

#idk how to explain this from a I Dont Actually Outline Before Drafting Usually POV but #making playlists with a specific order feels like the first layer to understanding a narrative bc its like i can hear the tone of it unfold #i dont need to know what it will look like on page but i can look at a playlists body #and it feels like i can see the ebbs and flows of the narrative's tone/vibes/etc. the emotional movement #which for the type of stories i write that helps a lot LOL #making playlists that way kind of feels like ive put the story into a heart monitor. its not showing me all the vitals but its showing me #the movement of the story's core #OKAY WAITTT i think the best way to explain it is #i'm a very vibe driven writer but also vibes are very sensory to me #when i make a playlist its not just songs that remind me of the wip its songs that SOUND like the wip to me #i have a very deep sensory relationship to stories + sensory things connect me to the Vibes #and the more familiar i am with the Vibes of a story the easier it is for me to enter the story and then figure out what actually happens #which is why i prefer to discovery write most of the time bc being deep in the story like that #feels like a similar level of immersion that i get from things like playlists #PERSONALLY! #so when i make playlists in a specific order the songs usually group themselves together and it feels like i can hear how the story moves #through those groups without knowing what the events look like yet #playlists and moodboards etc are literally integral to me because stories usually start very abstract/vibey in my brain #rather than a clear idea and i need something more tangible/sensory to flesh it out

[resident-cake-anon]

hi luna !! do u have any ideas/info abt golden petals in other aus, like modern aus? 🤔 id love to hear abt them!!

HIHI CLARA!! I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS <33 this ended up being a really long post im sorry.. im a professional yapper

MODERN/COLLEGE AU

❦. i see them as being college kids w their academy selves

❦. catalina is always really pushing herself in her studies, maybe she would even be double majored so she ends up doing LONG study sessions in the library

❦. claude is there to check up on her though ofc, ryan put the idea in my head that he would come see her in the library between classes to give her food and a kiss and it rotates in my mind CONSTANTLY

❦. claude’s always posting cati on his socials, ppl are kind of sick of it but they’re too cute for them to say anything

❦. BUILD LEGO FLOWER SETS TOGETHER.. not a doubt in my mind that they do that as a sleepover activity while watching a movie they take an hour to decide on

❦. i see claude as being involved in a lot of clubs maybe a leader of one (my gut says chess) and catalina always makes time in her busy schedule to show up at their events to support him!!

❦. they go on dates to the closest boba shop, especially when cati needs a break from her study sessions

❦. catalina gets the same drink every time while claude always tries something new (he lets catalina have a sip hoping she can widen her palette) + he gets a snack that they can share

❦. catalina insists that she pays but claude always seems to trick her into letting him do it, she always feels guilty but claude doesn’t care, he has the money to spend

TANGLED AU

❦. rapunzel and flynn fit these two SO much there’s a reason why i see the light is on the golden petals playlist

❦. catalina basically lives the rapunzel story in fe3h, basically locked away in the monastery unable to leave all that much and wanting to explore the world

❦. also rapunzel being born from a flower??? yea. iconic. and so catalina coded..

❦. the power to heal, all the flowers in her braid, her generally excitable nature, the overwhelming GUILT of leaving home idk so much lines up

❦. also flynn rider is literally the blueprint that defines all f/os i have/will have in the future.. i have a type and it is DEEP-SEATED in my love for flynn rider

❦. fake aliases, rouge-ish but charming personality, being seen as an outsider or weak as a child and turning to putting up fences as a defense mechanism??? sign me up apparently,,

❦. but most of all i think the way the two’s relationship develops in the movie is so perfect and reflects how golden petals would grow closer, learning to trust each other and eventually willing to sacrifice themselves for the other

WONDERLAND AU

❦. IVE WANTED TO MAKE CONTENT FOR THEM FOR SO LONG..

❦. i love alice in wonderland so much and golden petals fits into the story pretty well too!!

❦. catalina is so similar to alice aaa her imagining up a whole world like wonderland bc the rules and regulations of sophisticated society bore her is just so fitting

❦. in this au ofc alice wouldn’t be a child i could definitely see catalina in wonderland as her academy self bc she uses escapism as a coping mechanism sm

❦. also catalina and the scene of alice singing w the flowers… love it sm

❦. in wonderland, catalina would then meet claude as the cheshire cat!! i think he would be more helpful than the original cheshire cat but still mischievous in his own way

❦. i think he would often mess w the others they find along their travels in wonderland to get a laugh out of cati, pulling a prank on lorenz as the mad hatter always seems to do the trick

❦. at the end of their story, i believe catalina would be woken up by her classmate, khalid, ig she dozed off during class…

SLEEPING BEAUTY AU

❦. THE SLEEPING BEAUTY AU.. RULER OF MY HEART…..

❦. this au exists only bc im an actual sicko over sleeping beauty not bc i think their roles fit, this one is just for ME

❦. i actually made sleeping beauty au art before golden petals.. was called golden petals so the love runs deep

❦. bucket assigned the three good fairies to hilda, heather, and marianne and who am i to disagree!! it think they’re quite perfect actually hehe

❦. instead of them being aunts to briar rose they would more likely be like older cousins

❦. catalina as briar rose would definitely want to explore outside the woodcutter’s cottage and the forest and so meeting claude was sort of the perfect gateway!!

❦. claude as prince philip is so nice too.. i wholeheartedly believe that he would throw away his royal title to run away to be w this girl he met in the woods over someone he’s been betrothed to since birth.. it makes sense to me

❦. also white wyvern -> white horse that he bickers with.. love it

TY FOR THE ASK CLARA I <3 YOU AND IM SORRY

#NEVER give me the chance to gush i WILL do sht like this #golden petals ❀ ☽ #cake anon’s art! #cake anon gushes! #selfship #self ship #f/o #self shipping #f/o community #selfshipping #f/o art #selfship art

[shanesbluechicken]

Ooh, for sure for sure! Cant say im 100% emo myself but its not always dark and edgy or whatever stereotype emo has (though yeah ive seen a fair share of my own and thats completely valid)

I was thinking the reader be an anti social but friendly kind of emo. They wear dark clothing, but not all the time or all of it because they still do farming and wearing dark clothes make it hotter and make them sweatier. They dont wear eyeliner (it smudges when they sweat :/) but they do when its a non farming day. An emo in style but a lil softie in heart

I was imagining the headcanons start with shane assuming the reader to be cold and rude because of their appearance but started warming up to them after he realised how nice they were (and maybe add a few dating headcanons in the end if u could)

Thanks again!! Love ur writing sm ^^ -🦝

Shane with an emo s/o

Tysm for the info!🤗

It's based on this ask

TW: heavy language

Gender: neutral

Yes, first time seeing you he was quick to judge to say the least. You definitely stood out with your dark clothes and the even darker makeup and since he didn't know you personally, Shane kinda automatically put you in a box.

Much to his surprise the other town members didn't even seem to notice the fact that you're the extreme opposite of...well, Pelican Town.

It's not that he didn't like your style (he even thought that it suits you well), he simply wasn't familiar with the scene or the people in it. He remembered having some emo kids back in school, but he never interacted with them, only hearing gossip from other class mates who were just as clueless as he was.

In the first week he almost didn't even recognize you without your usual aesthetic, but he already guessed that it must be kinda in the way of work. Black clothes absorb the sun light after all. He had the feeling that something was off, but he couldn't quite place his finger on what.

One evening you entered the saloon wearing your whole attire. Clothes and makeup were spot on and when you took a seat near his corner, he caught himself admiring your eyeliner. Shane could not understand how in the name of Yoba you managed to make it look so...pretty. He banished the thought the second it appeared in his mind. Or tried it at least.

But now he knew what felt so off the last couple times he saw you in the town square, wearing a plain t-shirt and plain pants. This style, YOUR style, completes you somehow. Now you were in your element and fuck, he was staring again.

It didn't take long for him to realize that all the stories and gossip he heard all these years ago were nothing but bullshit. He wasn't better than all these judgmental shitheads tho, considering he put you in a box as well.

You were the nicest person he has ever met, giving out gifts without expecting anything in return and going out of your way to help others. He should have known better.

And now that you two are dating he makes sure to make up for all the times he treated you crappy in the beginning.

Shane loves watching you get ready, taking in every single minute he spends with you. He loves to sing along with you to your playlists when you do chores together. It's not much singing on his side, more mumbling to be honest.

You tried showing him how to put on eyeliner, but he can't even make a straight line :'D

You've tried rubbing your style off, because please his JojaMart jacket can't be considered a jacket anymore. This thing consists of more holes than material.

"Black would suit you so much, I bet."

"No."

It does.

Shane also often times uses clichés to make jokes, but nothing that would genuinely offend you. For example when you'd find a pretty, black stone in the mines and show it to him.

"Look! It's so black!"

"Like your soul?"

Masterlist

#sdv #stardew valley #sdv shane #stardew shane #sdv headcanons #stardew headcanon #sdv imagines #stardew imagines #stardew valley imagines #sdv x reader #stardew x reader #sdv shane headcanons #sdv shane x reader #stardew shane x reader

[minevn]

Spotify Playlists

So I'll probably end up releasing the spotify playlist's before the covers are done and before the playlists themselves are done, but I do want to get them out sometime before the year ends. Anyways I'll be taking song recommendations for the characters! The way the playlists will be set up will be "songs they listen to"-"Songs that represent them and their past/present"-"songs that represent their relationship with you" I imagine the Past/present to be the songs that are hardest to find mainly, partly because I've left their past in some kind of mystery, I haven't gone into each and every single detail because you'll figure that out in the story, but also I'm just having a hard time finding songs that represent some of their pasts(surprisingly its not common to hear songs about parents putting their children in a dog house/j) But if you have any idea's send them to me with your explanation, I'd love to hear it! Anyways I'll explain what kind of music they listen to and kind of a simple explanation of your relationship

Minato: So Minato listens to a lot of older music, like "The Beatles" and "Michael Jackson" Songs your grandparents would listen to, which makes sense for Minato considering he grew up with that music due to his grandparents raising him. He's pretty protective of you, he wants to protect you and keep you safe, I think romantic songs that could be interpreted with yandere undertones would fit. though there also doesn't need to be yandere undertones, for example I have "Big Jet Plane" by Angus and Julia Stone on his playlist rn.

Haruto: Haruto also listens to older music, but not exactly like Minato's older music, more like early 2000's music, I don't think he'd have a preference for upbeat or slower songs. Also I say early 2000's music cause that's the music I grew up with and is most nostalgic for but also it depends on what music you grew up with! So you can just send any song you grew up with. Other then that he probably listens to songs that would help him focus, so classical. I thinks songs about childhood friends(to lovers) would fit for songs his relationship with you section

Jun: Jun listens to probably pop music, just upbeat music in general, as well as like super cute music. So songs like "Cute" by Prod by Rose or "Macaron Moon" by YUC'e give a kind of Jun vibe. Songs about being clingy would probably go really well in Jun's relationship segment with you, as well as songs about liking someone for a really long time. Cute love songs as well.

Hoshi: Ah yes the only person who actually has a song that represents their past. Anyways I feel like Hoshi would listen to songs like "Singular" by Sanity Falls like metal, but also Mindless Self Indulgence songs(I do like some msi songs but I don't like the artist nor do I support them and Hoshi's the same) I'd rather NOT put someone like MSI on my playlists though so if anyone knows an artist who makes music kind of like msi without being an awful person please let me know! I feel like he'd also like more sad music though, songs you could dissociate to like "Blvd. Nights" by Team Sleep. Like not those slow kind of sad songs but like screaming in pain sad. Songs where the person singing isn't really sure how to show their romantic emotions, like "Despair" by leo. Those would fit well in your guys relationship segment, but also songs that would show his real feelings like without filter would be so cute, like just pure loves songs that like worship their partner.

Habiki: Habiki likes listening to classical songs. If he has to listen to songs with lyrics though, it would probably be the same kind of sad music that Hoshi likes listening to. But they mostly like listening to classical music. I kind of think that Habiki's relationship with you segment would be similar to Hoshi's, maybe more gentler though?? Like "Come Inside Of My Heart" by IV of Spades. Like Despair is really trying to push those feeling away and deny them and come inside of my heart is like Ok I have these feelings, let me embrace it but not be overbearing, I hope they realize my feelings.

Kage: Kage's just like me in the sense that he probably just listens to whatever he likes. If he likes it he likes it. Happy songs he likes, it makes him feel happy and calms him down. sad songs? He likes those too, sometimes it's nice to just cry. Video game music? Yes he loves gaming. I think songs about stalking would fit really well in their relationship with you. But also any songs about being too shy to talk to the person of their affections would fit.

Kei: Probably also listens to Classical music a lot. Something he can play in the background and especially while he's watching you, there's no words to cover up your voice or distract him. I really think like pure love songs would fit really well, songs where the singer is so very clearly in love with their significant other, like its so fluffy. Like "Baby I'm Yours" by Arctic Monkeys.

Yani: Probably listens to the type of music that would describe your relationship honestly. I think Hyperpop would be good, same with like weirdcore music(Preferably instrumental) But yeah mainly hyperpop though. Just pure yandere songs fit really well. I've also said it before as well but songs like "I'm so crazy for youuuu </3" by Rebzyyx is what Yani was inspired by(That song is fr the biggest inspo for early Yani) Maybe even songs about wanting to be someone different for someone else, like "I/me/myself" by Will Wood(WILL WOOD!! HES MY ILLNESS/j/pos)

Aki: I think Aki would probably listen to very similar music as Haruto, songs from your childhood. Honestly I imagine her to have a very similar music taste as my sister. I think she'd listen to Phoebe Bridgers, Mitski, Deftones, roar, Beach House, Alex G, etc(You'll see others when I add to her playlist) but my favorite idea for who she listens to would be enon!! I lose my mind listening to enon, I love them so much, totally normal about them and not frothing at the mouth. Songs that describe your relationship? I think childhood friends(To lovers) would fit as well, and I'll probably also put Girl in Red songs as well, Ik it's like wlw music but I think it could fit your and Aki's relationship no matter what pronouns you go by.

Other then Aki I would love yandere type songs for each of the characters! I don't really want a lot of duplicates though, so while "Yandere" by Jazmin Bean would be perfect for everyone I'd rather limit it down to like one or two people. Anyways feel free to request with any song as long as it's on Spotify :3 Just write the song, who it's by, which character you think it fits, whish section it should go in(Songs they listen to, etc, I don't feel like writing all that), and maybe a little explanation as to why you think it fits :3

#💝-minevn #visual novel #yandere vn #🐠-Minato #📙-Haruto #🎀-Jun #🍽️-Hoshi #🎻-Habiki #👤-Kage #💻-Kei #💕-Yani #🐍-Aki

[hermits-in-space]

For your song prompt: how about the 'Boatem' crew? (Scar, Grian, Mumbo, Impulse, and Pearl.)

OK Gonna put some of this under a cut cause. oh boy this turned out really long LMAO

For Scar:

-Dirty Imbecile by The Fits

+Yeah I know it says the word "scar" a lot but honestly thats not why I chose the song- This is the first song in the sfgg playlist actually!! its always fit my scar! especially the lyrics, "All these things ive tried, boy: be cute, be dumb, be wise, be young. So don't tell me what to fear in the darkness of this atmosphere!"

Also funny thing I misheard "be young" as "be yours". Didn't realize this until i looked up the lyrics as im writing this LOL

-Space Shanty by Live at Solace

+It's a funny human space shanty! That's really all there is to it, I just like imagining Scar singing this and the crew having NO idea whats happening but still having a blast

-Bones in the Ocean by The Longest Johns

+Vacation arc Scar! Ow! Singer is Scar in this case and his shipmates are of course the crew- They aren't actually dead but I think it reflects his process of coping while trapped in the watcher citadel and wondering where his friends are

For Grian:

-Starlight Brigade by TWRP

+I actually wrote a SFGG fic based on this one! It's old and sort of outdated but if you're curious it can be found here! Anyways this is my go to song for imagining how Grian gets to the HSS. From the whole being brought to the citadel to be inducted as a watcher to a very scuffed escape. also towards the end i imagine it fast forwards to when they attack the citadel and Grian can get some catharsis- Anyways I highly associate this one with Grian

-Fear by Sleeping at Last

+Kind of hard to explain without lyrics but this makes me think of Grian's experience during Scar and Hex's absence- working himself to exhaustion trying to find any trace of his friends whatsoever. Finally getting a lead and throwing himself into it- its just Good

-Hell's Comin' With Me by The Poor Man's Poison

+Grian Goes ApeshitTM- Mostly towards the watchers as he rallies people to go siege the citadel

For Mumbo:

-Cabinet Man by Lemon Demon

+Haha robot go brrr. Also possibly something something struggling to fit in with a crew of mainly organic folks. Also as a robot, Emotions Are Weird!

-The Bidding by Tally Hall

+Vibes also its a JAM and reminds me of him, especially the chorus :D

-Malfunction by Steam Powered Giraffe

+I imagine him and Mayhem singing this one a lot- Learning to accept yourself for who you are and be confident in yourself despite your flaws !!!

For Impulse:

-Soap by The Oh Hellos

+It has his vibes honestly, especially the lyrics "Oh no, I think I'm not quite ready to have you circle the drain, all the things we've broken can be puzzled together again." Well, to me at least. It just makes me happy :]

-Soft Fuzzy Man by Lemon Demon

+Impulse is a seaslug guy so he is not fuzzy BUT he is soft and good for hugs! Also this song is just fun and i think he'd dance to it

-Hey, Lover! by The Daughters of Eve

+I can imagine him vibing to this! Also this at all his friends! lover (platonic)

For Pearl:

-Ghost Choir by Louie Zong

+Its SUCH a cute song and I think she can make those noises. woo-O-OOO :D

-Everything Stays by Olivia Olson

+With how Moonsprites take on similar traits as their moon (craters, damages, fissures, etc) I imagine this is sort of how Pearl changes over the course of the story. How she may look different but she's still her

-Constellations by The Oh Hellos

+How connected Pearl feels to space!!! Constellations a million miles away!! She knows them all by heart!! Sort of how like a pigeon can always find its way home, Pearl can always find her way back to her moon :]

#OK DONE :D! #also for boatem as a whole you've got a friend in me by cavetown and also redesign your logo by lemon demon #anyways sorry this was so long thanks for indulging me LSDJKF #Boatem Crew #Scar Goodtimes #Grian #Mumbo Jumbo #Impulse #Pearl #over the intercom #hermitcraft

[caseyfm]

𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐚𝐡 // 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵

with song selection reasons under the cut ! 

Track i. I’ll Stand By You by Pretenders . ‘'Cause I've seen the dark side too. When the night falls on you, you don't know what to do, nothing you confess could make me love you less.’

So, all the songs on this playlist are tied to themes of safety but I feel this song makes so much sense for where they’re at right now. Where they’ve made progress in revealing some of the more secretive parts of their lives but it’s still not the whole truth, yet they’re both still willing/waiting for the other to actually unveil the truth. Also the ‘I get angry too, well, I’m a lot like you’... maybe because they’re brothers but idk! You tell me! 

Track ii. I’ll Keep You Safe by Sleeping At Last . ‘You are an artist. But your heart is your masterpiece. And I'll keep it safe’. 

Jump back a few years in the Russell family timeline and you’ve got why I chose this one. Keeping Noah safe has been pretty much ingrained into Casey’s being since they grew up in the house that they did but I chose this song in relation to the debt Casey took out. It’s that kind of selfless familial love that drew me to this - that innate want to protect him while Noah actually goes out to achieve his dreams and making them happen. I thought about this quiz I did a while back while listening to this song that was like... the literary character Casey’s most like is Katniss Everdeen lmao and honestly? That relationship with Prim and putting her first? DEAD ON.

Track iii. If we have each other by Alec Benjamin . ‘If we got each other, and that's all we have, I will be your brother, and I'll hold your hand.’

So the song itself is actually three separate stories of kinds of love. But it’s that overarching theme of spoken promises to protect each other that really SOLD me on this (and that entire third verse tbh). That sense of never being fully alone on earth, even in the bleakest moments, because they have one another. 

Track iv. You’ve Got a Friend in Me by Rex Orange County and Randy Newman . ‘Some other folks might be A little bit smarter than I am Bigger and stronger too [...] But none of them will ever love you The way I do. It's me and you, boy.’ 

Would they be a very unlikely pair of friends were they not related? Most likely. But I really wanted something on this playlist that stood as a testament to that part of their dynamic!  Casey likes to think that even if they hadn’t been born as brothers they would have crossed paths somewhere in life. I think having Noah as a friend has probably been the most stable and healthy friendship for Casey? Like it’s just true, complete, loyalty and an open mind. 

Track v. Ribs by Lorde . ‘You’re the only friend I need, sharing beds like little kids, and laughing til our ribs get tough’. 

Less picked for the sense of loneliness in growing up that runs through Ribs but the intense nostalgia? I think it’s safe to say the boys have never really had the easiest ride through life even pre-Candy... but I do think Noah’s always been this safe space for Casey that he can look back at their memories fondly and I feel like it is almost like taking back that stolen childhood now that they do live together by themselves and have to create all new family traditions from scratch.

#cusatask #me writing a lyric analysis like i'm writing my a-level marxist critique of hamlet fdsfdf

[stayxlix]

hellooooo!!! how are you?? i hope well🩵

i have a small question, so, as anyone on this earth should i obviously love off the deep end! I've been looking for a long and really good felix fic for so long (i feel there's a high chance that i already read all of them pls help) and this like exactly what ive been looking for!! It had me hooked the moment i saw the masterlist! Your writing is exceptionally amazing, i really cant put into words just how much and i genuinely enjoy reading this story a, like so mich so that i reread it quite often.

Kinda went off the rail, but the question is, how many chapters do you presume there'll be? It doesn't have to be an exact number, just how much you expect! And my other question is, when do you think a new chapter will come out? Obviously, you don't have to be exact, just what you think! I hope it doesn't sound invasive or something, I'm just really really REALLY excited for what's to come and honestly can't wait so i just wanted to know how long we're approx gonna wait for!! I definitely don't mind waiting as much because I know the next chap will be absolutely breathtaking like the rest! 💗

A little side note, i feel like Decode by paramore and sacrifice (eat me up) by enhypen fits this story so much (maybe not neccessarily all of the lyrics but they just give me the same vibe like decode IS this story) !! I'm even considering making a playlist specifically for this story because I just LOVE IT so so much and wanna be in the right mood when i read it, if yk what i mean??

This is super long, so I hope it's not that bad but have an amazing day, week and year, you definitely deserve that and more! 💓 ily, take care and stay safe, love🩵🩵

hiii anon🩵🩵i've been doing pretty well these days thank you for asking, i hope you can say the same :)

(i apologize in advance for how long this response is lmao)

"as anyone on this earth should" this made me smile so hard omg the entire EARTH lol i truly admire the ambition.😂💕thank you so much for such kind words and high praise, it makes my heart so happy to know you feel this way about my little story💕 tbh im pretty sure ive read all of the felix fics on here too so you're not alone there lol (someone pls help us both)

to answer your questions, i'm not quite sure how many chapters otde will end up with....tbh (much like how i go about my life in general) i have been writing this story without much of a plan in mind aside from like a general outline of how i want it to go/end.😂 maybe the chapter number will end up somewhere in the teens? of course i dont want to drag it out indefinitely..but its also my only project right now so i dont want to rush anything either ya know? :)

as for your second question...well i dont have much of an answer for you here either (im horrible im so sorry lol) my life seems to go in periods of either being super busy or so bored that i dont know what to do with myself and right now things are starting to slow down a bit again, so i'm hoping to have the next chapter out in the next couple of weeks??? (if i can manage to keep a few of my weekends free). so with that being said...i guess i kind of failed to answer both of your questions (again i am so sorry lol i wish i could give you more😭) but either way i do hope you'll stay along for the ride. 💕💕

"I'm even considering making a playlist specifically for this story" ah you have no idea how much this means to me.🥹🥹 i love both of the songs you included here and i think they would be perfect additions to an otde playlist. to be honest i have a little playlist i listen to get into the right mood when i write it (only like 30 songs or so) but im always always looking for more to add. if you might be interested in the link let me know and i'd be more than happy to share, and if you do end up making a playlist i would absolutely love to give it a listen🤭🤭 thank you so much for taking the time to read and provide your feedback anon, i truly appreciate it so very much. i hope you have a wonderful rest of your day/evening/night whatever it may be :) much love🩵🩵🩵

#otde.feedback #alex answers asks♡

[laufire]

[ID: playlist cover showing Meg and Castiel in episode 7x21 of Supernatural. The picture combines two images of them looking at each other in the hospital, after Castiel has referred to Meg saying "all that thorny pain, so beautiful", she tells him to "put up or shut up" and he smiles. The picture is edited to look like an old photograph, and includes the playlist's title in the middle: "6/6/6".]

 6/6/6 - a Megstiel playlist

Created for the Megstiel Halloween Fest as a gift to @captain-sodapop​. Playlist about Castiel and Meg's story, mainly centred in s7, in three parts: six songs for Castiel, six songs for Meg, and six duets.

Songs list & some lyrics under the cut.

*** CASTIEL'S SIDE ***

 I. HEAD IS NOT MY HOME (MS MR).

 This space is not my home This head you drowning is not my home Made it out and cut it out Take things slow as we may bruise To reach our unpredictable pass Your heart, your heart understand mine Found in forbidden nights Sharpest loud and place is quiet Know the promises we make Guard now and never again

 II. UNLIKELY ANGEL (DOLLY PARTON).

 Like the Phoenix From the ash and dirt I rose up from the pain and hurt When I was at my very worst I found you

 III. HONEY (HALSEY).

 But she stings like she means it She's mean and she's mine

 Between my fingers She leaves then she lingers If she's gonna go Well then I'm going with her And I know that I won't forget

 IV. HEAVEN FOR EVERYONE (QUEEN).

 In this world of cool deception Just your smile can smooth my ride These troubled days of cruel rejection, hmm You come to me, soothe my troubled mind

 [...]

 Listen - what people do to other souls They take their lives - destroy their goals Their basic pride and dignity Is stripped and torn and shown no pity When this should be heaven for everyone

 V. OH, MAKER (JANELLE MONÁE).

 Suffering in sinking sand All the hurt See I'm really lost baby We suffered a rare, rare blue So much hurt On this earth But you loved me And I really dared to love you too Perhaps what I mean to say is Is that it's amazing that your love was mine

 VI. GOING TO HELL (THE PRETTY RECKLESS).

 Father did you miss me? I've been locked up a while. I got caught for what I did but took it all in style. Laid to rest all my confessions I gave way back when. Now I'm versed in so much worse, So I am back again. And he said

 For the lines that I take, I'm going to hell! For the love that I make, I'm going to hell!

 Gettin' heavy with the devil, you can hear the wedding bells.

*** MEG'S SIDE ***

 VII. WHAT KIND OF MAN (FLORENCE + THE MACHINE).

 You're a holy fool all colored blue Red feet upon the floor You do such damage, how do you manage To have me crawling back for more?

 And with one kiss And with one kiss You inspired a fire of devotion That lasts for twenty years For twenty years What kind of man loves like this?

 VIII. MATCHES TO PAPER DOLLS (DESSA).

 If you're asking, I can't say no Just one more chapter Our book won't close And I know it's madness To play these odds It's like giving matches to paper To paper dolls I know it's madness, I know

 IX. FOREIGNER'S GOD (HOZIER).

 I've no language left to say it But all I do is quake to her Breaking if I try convey it The broken love I make to her

 All that I've been taught And every word I've got Is foreign to me

 X. FOOL FOR YOU (ALICE SMITH).

I love him in and out and up and down and round and round and over and over again.  So rare they swear that swear that you just don't exist. And its only one person I can think of that makes me feel like this.

 I'm a fool, Such a fool, For Youuuuuu!

 XI. ABOUT LOVE (MARINA DIAMANDIS).

 My head gets messy when I try to hide The things I love about you in my mind

 I don't really know a lot about love A lot about love, a lot about love But you're in my head, you're in my blood And it feels so good, it hurts so much

 XII. CHASING PAVEMENTS (AITANA COVER).

 Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasin' pavements Even if it leads nowhere? Or would it be a waste Even if I knew my place? Should I leave it there? Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasin' pavements Even if it leads nowhere?

*** DUETS ***

 XIII. FEVER (DUA LIPA, ANGÈLE).

 Before you came around, I was doing just fine Usually, usually, usually, I don't pay no mind And when it came down, I was looking in your eyes Suddenly, suddenly, suddenly, I could feel it inside

 XIV. ISLANDS IN THE STREAM (DOLLY PARTON, KENNY ROGERS).

 Baby, when I met you There was peace unknown I set out to get you With a fine tooth comb I was soft inside There was something going on

 XV. AS LONG AS YOUR'E MINE (IDINA MENZEL, LEO NORBERT BUTZ).

 Maybe I'm brainless, maybe I'm wise But you've got me seeing through different eyes Somehow I've fallen under your spell And somehow I'm feeling it's up that I fell

 XVI. DANCE WITH YOU (LIVE, ANOUK).

 The stillness in your eyes convinces me that I I don't know a thing and I been around the world and I've tasted all the wines a half a billion times came sickened to your shores you show me what this life is for

 XVII. PERFECT FOR YOU (JENNIFER DAMIANO, ADAM CHANLER-BERAT).

 The world is at war Filled with death and disease We dance on the edge of destruction The globe's getting warmer by deadly degrees And this is one fucked up seduction This planet is pretty much broken beyond all repair But one thing is working if you're standing there

 XVIII. COME RAIN OR COME SHINE (FRANK SINATRA, GLORIA STEFAN).

 You're gonna love me like nobody's loved me Come rain or come shine We'll be happy together, unhappy together Now won't that be just fine?

#megstiel #Megstiel Halloween Fest #Megstiel Halloween Fest 2021 #megcas #megmastersedit #castieledit #supernatural #spnedit #spncreatorsdaily #meg masters #castiel #tvcentric #music #filmtv #userthing #cinematv #femalescharacters #captioned

[maira-writes-shit]

Wait I thought-

Semi Eita x Shirabu Kenjirou

Getting together, fluff

Part two of this

This is honestly kinda bad-

Playlist

„What the actually fuck?“

Shirabu touched his lips for like the 30th time that night.

Semi kissed me...

Semi kissed me.

„Semi kissed me!“

„Could you stop saying that? I know already.“

Yahaba was playing with his nails on his side of the video call.

“I’m having a crisis right now, Shigeru!“, Shirabu exclaimed as he slapped his hands over his eyes.

“You guys just need to talk.“ „I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU!“

„Communication is key, Shirabooboo! It worked for me and Ken.“ Yahaba said with a soft and kind of proud smile as he looked at the picture of himself and his now boyfriend, as Shirabu had just found out, that was sitting on Yahaba’s desk.

Shirabu rolled his eyes but silently agreed with his best friend.

Shirabu‘s stomach was running wild right now.

It was the next day and he had come to the conclusion to finally talk to Semi about what happened.

What if he didn’t mean it?

What if he will just make fun of you?

Are you sure you want to do this?

Shirabu pushed his thoughts down as he walked up to the music rooms Semi usually spent his Sundays when they didn’t have practice.

Why do you know That? Sounds like a stalker to me...said a voice that strangely sounded like Yahaba.

There was the soft sound of a guitar came from the room and Shirabu opened the door a little bit.

The copper haired teen smiled a bit as he recognized the song.

Lemon boy by Cavetown.

It was one of his favorites.

Shirabu watched his senpai for some time.

He was fascinating.

So in peace, so quite yet loud, so mesmerizing.

The sun hit his face just right as a bit of dust flew through the air and oh god-

If Shirabu wasn’t in love before he sure as hell was now.

The older of the two looked up as he played the last note.

“Oh- Shirabu!“ „Uh yeah um hi.“

Oh god this is so awkward-

„I wanted to talk...“

„Ah yes right.“ Semi put down the guitar and patted the place next to him on the bench for him to sit down.

„So about the kiss...“ „Yeah about that...I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.“

„Huh? Uncomfortable?“

“Yeah you know I did kiss you without your permission and everything-“ Semi‘s apology was interrupted by Shirabu laughing.

“What? Uncomfortable? Please I wanted to talk because I wanted to tell you I liked you!“

“Wait- WHAT??“

“Wow you’re stupid.“

Semi looked very confused, like a child you just explained something very complicated to.

The younger of the two looked on the ground with a smile on his face.

“I like you Semi Eita. You and your amazing voice and your stupid head.“

„Wait I thought...? Don’t you...have a crush on the setter guy from Seijoh?“

“What? Me? Liking Oikawa? How low do you think of me!“ „What no! I meant the Yahaba guy!“

The shorter stared at his senpai for a good minute in absolute confusion until he slowly started to laugh.

“You? You thought I? Liked 'Haba? Really?“ „You don’t?“

„Hahahaha! No! You stupid fucking dumbass!“ „Hey!“

Shirabu just kept on laughing and laughing until he looked up.

„Semi...how many times do I have to tell you I like you. Do I have to get more into it? I want to kiss your lips until they fall off, I want to cuddle you and hold your hand, I want to wake up with you, I want to do shitty cliché dates and couple things with you. I want to be with you!“

Semi‘s perplexed expression slowly started to turn into one of realization.

“Wait...holy shit you like me?!“ „Yes!“ „Oh..OH UHM I LIKE YOU TOO!“

“I hope so! I mean I did just sit here and tell you just how much of a sap I am for you!“

It went silent for a few minutes. They just sat in comfortable silence, watching the dust dancing in the sun, smiling because they know of the others feelings now.

“Uhm Shirabu?“ „Mmh?“ „Would you kiss me again?“

Semi turned his head just at the right moment to see a blushy Shirabu turning away.

“....sure.“

And so they did.

They kissed again.

And it was amazing.

Everything just felt so right.

It wasn’t perfect but so were they so it was just right for them.

some years later

“Hey idiot, look at me.“ „Don't call me that, Shigeru.“ „I’m just telling the truth but yeah.“

Kenjirou looked his best friend in the eyes and smiled.

He thought back to all the years of friendship, to all the bad times and all the good times.

He was always there and he loved him for it.

And now Kenjirou was here about to be married and really, there was no one he’d rather have as his first mate than Shigeru.

“You are going to be fine, idiot.“

The door opened and a small girl with blond hair in a beautiful blue dress walked in.

Hitoka gasped as she saw Kenjirou,: „You look amazing, Kenjirou!“

“Thanks Hitoka.“

Really how did he deserve these two?

Why are you getting sentimental now, dumbass?

Shut up I’m about to be married to the love of my life! I get to be at least a bit emotional!

Right.

Eita...

A smile stretched on his face.

Eita was the one that was going to stand at the end of that aisle, the one that will take his hand and the one that will kiss him and make him feel all of these feelings.

Kenjirou smiled as Wakatoshi took his arm.

„Ive been in love before, sure. You are different though...Why? Why is it so easy with you? Why can I just sit in silence with you and be happy? Why can you insult me and I insult you but we know it’s love? I guess it’s you. Because sure I’ve been in love before but...nothing has ever been as easy as loving you, even if it looks complicated. We are easy...and I work hard. I love you and I don’t know how or why but you love me and that is exactly what I need.“

Kenjirou looked up from the paper he had written his vows onto only to find Eita trying to wipe away tears.

Oh god I love him.

“You’re like a rainbow. Beautiful. Powerful. Red like the blood running faster through my veins when you say my name. Orange like the sunrise which I watch as we talk. Yellow like the sun you shine brighter than. Green like the grass under my feet in happy memories I share with you. Blue like the sky I look up to and smile thinking you see the same one as me. Purple like the beautiful flowers I want to give you everyday. You are like the rainbow in so many ways and I’m just a admirer lucky enough to see you.“

Kenjirou wasn’t a man to cry often but this was what made him completely break.

Oh what did he do to deserve him?

Their matching wedding rings glistened in the sun as the people applauded and they kissed knowing they were able to hold the person in their arms that hey loved the most.

Kenjirou loved his husband is much....

“When Eita and I met for the first time „officially“ I was panicking because I had just existentially confessed to Ken.“

Some people chuckled and Kentarou just rolled his eyes at his husband.

“Eita also thought our lovely Kenjirou over here had a crush on me!“

Eita tried hiding his face as everyone started laughing.

“I mean why wouldn’t he? I’m a snack! Anyway. Like a day or so later I got a panicked video call from my dear best friend telling me Eita had kissed him.“

Both of the men were now red in the face at their teenage selfs.

“I guess what I was trying to say! These two are dumbasses! Stupid idiots that don’t Talk about their feelings!“ Shigeru‘s eyes softened as he looked at his best friend and his husband. „They Are idiots it I love them. And I know they love each other!“

“Also I know I’ve said this before but- dear Eita! If you break my best friends heart I’ll break your bones!“

Everyone chuckled besides Kenjirou, Eita, Kentarou and Hitoka because they knew exactly just how serious Shigeru was about that.

Kenjirou looked to the side to see his husband looking back at him and he held out his hand.

They held hands loving being near eachother and being in love as their friends talked about the crazy story’s about the two of them.

Yeah Eita was a dumbass but he was Kenjirou’s dumbass and he wouldn’t trade him for anything in this world.

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #semishira #semi eita #shirabu kenjirou #yahaba shigeru #semi x shirabu #my fanfiction

[nakedmossy]

Cruel Summer - Part 1 [JJ x Reader]

[A/N: Hi again. I've missed you. It was time for something new. I found this story in a dream. Prepare for a mental trip, it's indicative of the year i've had. This is gonna go in a million different directions and I can't say i'm surprised. Ive written two chapters and i'm already like ...well, fuck it i'm posting it...I needed to get back into writing and this is what I got so enjoy. I have a playlist I used while writing, comment if you want it shared. As always, not that any of us need the reminder....but there will be adult content (whatever that means) and language and NSFW content so...keep me off your screen at the dinner table. Love y'all ...Mossy x]

You ease your car into park, your hand resting on the gear shift, the tires slowly rocking back and forth on the soft ground as the engine dies. Sunlight streams through your windshield as a cloud of dust and sand settles around the car, and you feel a trapped breath release from deep in your chest. The quiet, melodic hum of music relaxes your shoulders and through the trees you can see the water rhythmically hitting the shore.

You haven’t been here in a few weeks and you're starting to feel it; the tight and uncomfortable tensing in your muscles, the locked jaw, the flat expressions. The closer it gets to the anniversary the more you feel the need to visit. But the frequency of your visits is dictated by Her, and She keeps tabs on your whereabouts a lot these days. ‘Its not healthy to spend so much time there’ She would say to you, while pulling a Valium out of her bag to slide towards you. She has your therapist on speed dial on the landline. And she blames you for living in the past. Ironic.

You pull your keys out of the ignition, unbuckle your seatbelt, and let your muscle memory guide you out of the car and through the trees to the edge of the embankment where the sand and the sea grass take over. Flashes of Lacey running down the beach in front of you, looking back over her shoulder and laughing, are burned into your eyelids when you blink. She was everywhere here, every corner of this beach belonged to her. Her towel spread out on the sand at your feet, books with water damaged pages scattered across it, her bag tossed lazily to the side. Her board perched against the log you used to dry out your wetsuits. Her camera.

You close your eyes and listen to the wind move through the grass, her laugh echoing off the rocks. Come on! She would laugh with an outstretched arm. Come take a picture with me.

Her lips were supple and her nose was sun kissed, her hair bleached and tousled from the saltwater. She would motion for you to come over and you would go, because you always did, to fit into the frame next to her, cramming yourself in wherever you could after she found her best angle. She would hold up the camera and wrap her arm around you tightly, the smell of her tanning oil and sweat floating around you in a heady cloud, and at the last moment she would press her lips to your cheek and whisper cheese.

You blink and look at the water again, a seagull squawking as it flies over the empty beach. Reaching into your jeans pocket and feeling for the photo, you pull it out and look down, the moment she clicked the button frozen in time on the paper in your hand. Her side profile was radiant, the wind blowing her hair around her lips which were pressed to your face, you looked straight at the camera with a shy smile, a hidden smile, a quiet smile. An honest smile.

You run your thumb across the picture reflexively before sighing and putting the picture back in your pocket, it was one of the last photos you had together and it was one of the only ones you could clearly make out your own face. That always bothered you. Now you’ll never forget how happy we were today. I love you. She shook the polaroid until it was developed, then pressed it into your chest and winked, waiting for you to grab ahold of it, before turning on her heal and running towards the water.

Your chest burns for a moment before you straighten up and set your jaw. You feel good today, closer to her than usual. Today might be the day. You follow the path through the dunes towards the water and concentrate on the tide, watching the foam and the water snake along the shoreline. It’s windy, but not as windy as it usually is this time of day. The sky, clear and clean of any clouds, is the colour of blue that reminds you what happiness is. Or was, you know, before all the shit happened. When life was something you had the ability to process, sometimes even enjoy.

Now or never. Your head whips up at the sound of her voice and you see her, standing in the water. You feel the blood rush to your face, your core warming. There she is, running a hand up her stomach towards her chest and smiling at you, the kind of smile that would get good people into bad situations.

Slowly you slide your sneakers off and kick them aside, wiggling the sand between your toes. You’re not wearing a bikini but the beach is empty, so you close your eyes and listen to Lacey laughing from the water, come on scaredy cat, nobodies looking, as you peel your top off and drop it into the sand beside your shoes. You unbutton your shorts next and let them slide down your legs, stepping out of them hesitantly.

Lacey walks out of the water, so you keep your eyes closed, knowing if you open them she will be gone, and you wait for her to bite her lip and smile at you. There. Look at your body. You’re beautiful. Come on. She guides you towards the water with nothing but her own bare skin and confidence, nothing could ever touch her. You know its only a few steps until your feet are in the water, you should open your eyes and look around to make sure nobody is watching, but you don’t get to see her often anymore between the Valium and the other stuff, so you forgo it for a few more seconds. Today is the day, you have to do it. Time is running out. She’s all but told you as much.

“I miss you” You say, but your voice sounds foreign and it breaks and scatters into the wind.

Im right here. Lacey smiles at you like she always did, her crooked dimpled grin, her perfectly straight white teeth, her eyes shining. Now shut up and get in the water.

You feel the warm dry sand turn to wet firm sand beneath your feet, you know you’re close. It’s ours, all of it. The water. Just let go and let the Ocean carry you. You’re weightless. Isn’t it perfect?

Your breathing is shallow and your palms are clammy. There’s a tingling sensation in your thighs and you feel dizzy. You have to open your eyes. No, don’t. Not yet. Stay with me.

The water touches your toes and your eyes shoot open, you recoil and lose your footing, falling backwards. You crab crawl away from the water until the tide retreats and you feel your vision tunnelling as Lacey fades into the sunbeam above the water.

You scramble back to your clothes and pull your shorts above your sand stained underwear, your shirt smoothing your hair down as it settles back over your shoulders. You take a few deep breaths until your heart rate slows down. A tear springs up and sits in your eye for a few moments before falling and drying on your cheek. The beach is the best place to cry. The ocean is loud so nobody hears you, and the sun is hot so the tears dry fast.

You don’t want to turn around and look back at the water, you know she won’t be there. You’re alone, properly alone, just like she said you would be, psychic bitch. If she hadn’t been so charismatic and beautiful and conveniently wealthy, people would have outcasted her for being a freak a long time ago. What with all the tealeaves and palm readings and ‘gut feelings’. But they never did, her family had more money than the Kennedys and she looked like she walked runways for fun on the weekends, so she was untouchable. Your stomach starts to turn as you think about it so you blink the ground in front of you back into focus and start walking.

You have a few minutes of freedom left before She starts calling and asking where you are, so you walk slow to savour it. Who knows when you would be allowed out long enough again to go back.

You emerge from the tree cover into the parking area, pondering how many different routes you can take to get home to elongate the drive, when you hear a car door close. You look up, pulled from your thoughts, and squint to see through the bright sun.

“‘Scuse me!” A voice says, deep and friendly. A silhouette is moving towards you, so you bring your hand up to block the sun from your eyes. “Hey, sorry, do you live around here?”

You blink a few times as the silhouette gets closer and make out the figure of a tall man with wispy hair and baggy shorts.

“Sorry?” You reply, still trying to get a clear image.

“Im just trying to find the Marina but I have taken at least 5 of these side roads and all I keep finding is empty damn parking lots.” The man stops a few feet from you, close enough that you can make out a tan face with a toothy grin, and blonde hair. “First one with a pretty girl though, so I must be going the right way.” He smiles at you confidently, shielding his own eyes from the sun, but still squinting.

You look back over your shoulder to the beach, confirming Lacey is gone. You turn and look at the man who is watching you intently, hopefully, and smile quietly.

“Yeah, it’s uh…its just back on the main road, go 3 clicks south and take a right at the fork. You’ll see a fancy sign for a beach club, it’s just past that.” You look past him to the old Ford truck with rusted wheel wells and smile to yourself. “Assuming you’re not going to the beach club.”

The man laughs and smiles, looking over your shoulder at the beach before his eyes settle back on you. “Nope. Never been to one of those…legally.” He winks and backs up a few steps, then nods and says “Thanks” before turning and walking back towards his truck. He slows as he reaches it and stops, then turns back and pivots before jogging back to you.

You wait and watch, curious. He stops a few steps away and stretches out his hand.

“Sorry. That was rude of me. Im JJ.”

#jj maybank #jj x reader #rudy pankow #obx fanfiction #obxedit #nakedmossywrites #cruel summer

[troop52]

do u !!! have any character theme songs for the troop boys? Like any songs you think really fits them (and why u think it fits)?

THATS A GREAT QUESTION!!

Before I get into it Im going to plug this collaborative Troop Playlist on Spotify, feel free to add onto it!! Continuing with my picks

I think a lot of the songs I associate with The Troop in general are just because I happened to listen to them around the same time I got into the book in the first place (So they could only be tangentially related BUT only if you squint hard) Example: Drunk by The Living Tombstone, cant really tie it into the story but in my mind its linked Some better, more fitting songs under the cut (Side note its LONGGG IM SORRY... Also its all YouTube links because some of these arent on Spotify :'^()

Disclaimer -Like 95% of my choices arent really a "These lyrics match up exactly 1 to 1" but more of an overall "the vibe/general idea its trying to capture lines up" type thing. If that makes sense.

Its Alright by Jack Stauber: Kind of self explanatory, I think its a perfect song for these guys. From "It's alright, I'm here, Everything's alright, Feels weird but calm, I wanna hear It's alright" to the whole sound of it- its all great. Equal parts distressing and sad with an almost eerie calmness to it. Despite it all theyre gonna be alright, right?

The Second Little Piggy by Worthikids: Another one that I think is sort of self explanatory- at least with the chorus. "If my brain turns to mush, If the shit hits the fan, Will you be my friend?" Kind of the falling apart of everything, specifically their relationships, in light of the incident.

Poor George by James Supercave: Another case of "listened to at the same time I read the book" BUT I was actually making a Troop PMV script with that song. I never finished it but maybe Ill revisit it... just for you

Cold Summer by Le Matos ft Computer Magic: I dont even think this takes place in the summer but the VIBES and also it came from Summer of 84, which is another good piece of murder boy media.

Treehouse by Alex G ft Emily Yacina: This is a Eef and Max type of song because they are bffs and thats final. Basic song because Im not creative, but I think its a nice heart to heart theyd have (with Eef doing the talking)

Fifteen Minuets by Nick Krol: On the flipside heres a song that goes with Eef and Maxs friendship fracturing, once again more from Eefs side than Maxs. THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGG

As far as songs for the boys as individuals hmmm thats a good one that I havent thought about as much...

MAX + The Ghosts by The Real Tuesday Weld: That survivors guilt... lyrics arent like a perfect match but I think it gets that sort of hollow feeling across. Hes haunted man... + Final Girl by Electric Youth: Ok its a little funny because har har Final Girl Trope but I mean HE IS ONE. ANd dont look at me its a nice song- "Others were gone, and you kept going on, You know they never really noticed, you were always different, One by one, They're all done, And you're the last one standing" + Going Grazy by Lonesome Wyatt and the Holy Spooks: HONESTLY this could go for all the characters but Im tagging it onto Max because hes the one who has to deal with the aftermath of losing everyone (sorry survivors guilt Max again </3) "Everyone's saying my mind is unsound, 'Cause I always see you when you aren't around" "They're gonna wrap me in a jacket of white, And lock me away in a room without light" is what cements it as a Max song for me

EEF + The Existential Threat by Sparks: Once again starting sad, I link this one specifically to his paranoia about the worms- especially with lines like "Can't they see the existential threat is on its way". Kind of exasperated no one else can see the danger (he thinks) hes in. + Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother: I know I know its basic but I cant help it!!! Eef anger issues arc we are shaking hands me too + Haunted by Laura Les: Eef struggles with people seeing him as "just like his father" and I think we can get some good angst out of this track if we keep that in mind. Especially the back half of the song with lyrics like "Do you think I'm frightening?" and "Mirrors shatter when I'm passing, broken glass and crashing" since he is just a reflection of his dad (to others at least). Also song good.

KENT + Goodbye Mr A by The Hoosiers: Mfw the disillusionment with authority sets in. I think the vibe fits when he had that little epiphany about how adults are fucked- not perfect but it gets the idea across me thinks. + I'm Gonna Win by Rob Cantor: Ties into his need to "win" aka be the best at everything, be in charge, all that jazz! Hell do whatever it takes to be successful, even if it hurts. That was a little emo + Toba the Tura by Forgive Durden ft Chris Conley: Not to be emo again but "They say you're gifted, well I just see a scared kid. They must have flipped it, your skills are latent. O, you snuffed the glow. Replaced it with coals. Threw away the throne... This mess that you've made, it's a six-foot grave. It's a home for your lonesome bones that remain. We'll disappear, but you'll stay here to rot" AND SO ON AND SO FOURTH representing his fall after it was revealed he was sick. He was referred to as "the uncrowned king" and was on top of the world but then POOF that all crumbled and it was made out that he basically deserved what happened to him. It would be fun to make a pmv of him with this song (Simplifying my thoughts a bit because Ive already written a LOT)

NEWT + I Earn My Life by Lemon Demon: Ok a little Kentcore but Im actually having a hard time coming up with songs for Newton so here we are, they can share. Newt existential crisis moment time I guess + Know How by The Crane Wives: POV Newt struggles with going through with the plans he makes to keep everyone safe (stopping Max from touching Kent, going back into the cabin, etc) "I am not brave, I am not brave, I keep my focus on what is safe, You drew a line, made up your mind, And now I'm struggling to realize" And also maybe struggling with his place in the group and as a person in general- all that living through his cousin thing. "I gotta wrap my head around, What my heart is telling me, I've been trying to drown it out, Just because I know what I am, I am supposed to do now, Doesn't mean I know, Doesn't mean I know how" + On The Outside by Oingo Boingo: Idk man. Hes on the outside lookin in!! Loner nerd!! Its ok though, we still love him

SHEL + Bad Blood by Creature Feature: The lyrics speak for themselves: "I can guarantee I will do evil things, The only way that you can stop me now, Is if you put me in the ground, Somewhere I'll never be found" + Frontier Psychologist by The Avalanches: Hinges on the fact that the principal or whoever was like "Your sons a freak" and Shels mom was like "HES PERFECTLY FINE" while Shelley was like dismembering an animal or something + Johnny by American Murder Song: The songs good but theres this ONE LYRIC that sucks so the link provided is an edited version and also a lovely Warriors oc video I think you should all enjoy and support <3 Anyway Shel would be Johnny I could see this song being a scene in the book. Field trip to Shels house and they find his murder garden

If anyone wants more for Im not opposed to making another post :^)

#SORRY THIS TOOK A BIT #I had to use my brainpower and I am very easily distracted #max kirkwood #ephraim elliot #kent jenks #newton thornton #shelley longpre #the troop #the troop nick cutter

[swedish-lavender]

Swedes’ Music Taste Headcanon/Mini Playlists

Just my personal headcanons with some examples so you can listen and get a better idea of this headcanon :)

• Axel likes more loose dance music with a bit of pep that he could either dance or work to. This can be 70s/80s music and some more modern alternative pop songs or even some broadway/show tunes.

• Artists he would enjoy would be Coldplay, Hozier, David Bowie, and John Lennon.

• Something about this kind of music appeals to him as it's got a softer beat which makes it nice to listen to as background music for whatever he needs to do. He hates to be distracted so having music that serves more as background helps in that sense.

• Broadway shows he would enjoy would be Hadestown, Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, The Hunchback of Notre Dame and Fiddler on the Roof (he cried at the end of each, but won’t admit it).

• These songs/shows appeal to him as they tell a story that he can get lost in and use as an escape from reality.

• He likes repetition in songs so that he can focus on that one repeating melody and use that for meditation/focus. Music that changes often gives him a small sense of anxiety. He doesn’t mind it, but he will notice the changes and begin to focus more on the song rather than the work he is doing. (Bohemian Rhapsody for example)

• Axel mostly uses music as a means of escape or a means to focus. If he can concentrate on a certain song’s beat, then it helps him be able to pay attention to whatever he is supposed to do.

• It also allows for him to escape reality if need be. If something happens and he is panicking or depressed, he will listen to music to take his mind off of whatever is bothering him.

• Basically music helps him both stay on track as well as lose sense of reality when needs be.

Mini Axel Playlist:

- Good Times by All Time Low

- Clocks and Viva la Vida by Coldplay

- China Girl by David Bowie

- Mr Blue Sky by Electric Light Orchestra

- Southern Nights by Glen Campbell

- In the Woods Somewhere by Hozier

- Imagine by John Lennon

And of course all songs from the shows mentioned above

• Otto likes classical music. The kind depends on his mood that day as it varies, but he usually vibes with edgier pieces with some spunk to them that have changing notes and rhythms yet still with a subtle melody.

• He enjoys composers like Shostakovich, Bach, Mendelssohn and Chopin, but honestly does not have any preference.

• His favorite instruments to listen to would be violin and piano as his mother played piano and his father played a bit of the violin, but he really enjoys almost any instrument he listens to. Those two just hold a special place in his heart.

• He listens to music to either wind down for the day, take a moment of short relaxation before jumping back into life, to start the day and gain motivation, or to have as background music for when he does target practice or day-to-day chores.

• Otto uses music as a means of relaxation. Whenever he is feeling restless, anxious, depressed, angry, or anything else, he will listen to classical music which helps remind him of the things he loves.

Mini Otto Playlist:

- Allegretto ben moderato from Sonata for violin and piano in A by César Franck (Version I listen to is also performed by Joshua Bell on Violin with Jean-Yves Thibaudet on Piano). I can see this being Otto’s first song which would bring him into the world of classical music/classical violin and is when he would slowly fall in love with the gracefulness of both the piano and violin. He would listen to this piece as he takes a moment of relaxation before diving back into a world of chaos with another mission.

- Partita No. 2 in D Minor by Bach and Mendelssohn (Version I listen to is the one performed by Joshua Bell on Violin).

- Introduction et Rondo Capriccioso, Op. 28 by Camille Saint-Saëns (Version I listen to is performed by Itzhak Perlman on violin and accompanied by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra). A beautiful violin solo that has a main recurring theme that shows the power and skill of the violinist. Otto would listen closely and take in each phrase and would think it couldn’t get better, but it continuously impressed until the end. Despite it being 9 minutes long, he would get lost in it and long for more and he puts in on repeat while doing target practice or cleaning or other chores.

- 12 Études, op 25: 11 in A Minor “Winter Wind” by Fréderic Chopin. It is a gorgeous piece filled with fast moving notes that would captivate him and leave him in awe and amazement that someone could play that (especially if he saw it performed live).

- Symphony No. 5 in D Minor, Op 47: IV Allegro non troppo by Dmitri Shostakovich (Performed by the London Symphony Orchestra). Really fast an edgy piece with many moving notes.

- Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II Allegro by Ludwig Van Beethoven (performed by the London Symphonic Orchestra). Slower and more repetitive piece that really just builds on itself and gets more and more intense and edgy.

• Oscar likes more rock/metal music.

• He would enjoy artists like Bon Jovi, Kiss, Dio, The Rolling Stones, The Animals and Queen.

• Honestly, Oscar is fascinated by electric guitars and drum sets and how they keep a steady beat as well as keep the song flowing. It helps him feel grounded whenever he is feeling anxious. It also allows him to tap to a beat and keep time.

• Despite him listening to loud songs, he won’t blast them throughout the house as it would be overwhelming for both him and the kitties.

• He would mostly listen to his music through headphones so as to not bother the kitties.

• Occasionally he will quietly play the music aloud or even badly sing to it and make the kitties dance along.

• Oscar uses music as a means of fun as well as an excuse to be himself. He feels that people see him as delicate and helpless due to his mental illnesses and shy demeanor, but he does not view himself that way and uses music to remind himself that he can do anything.

• Sometimes when a slow rock ballad comes on the radio and he is home alone, he picks up a cat and slow dances with them. He will change partners so that everyone gets a chance to dance.

Mini Oscar Playlist:

- I Was Made for Lovin’ You by Kiss

- Holy Diver by Dio

- It’s My Life and You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi

- Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple

- The House of the Rising Sun by The Animals

- Welcome to the Black Parade by MCR

- Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones

- War Pigs / Luke’s Wall by Black Sabbath

- Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

- Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne

#ikea mafia #swedes #the swedes #tua swedes #umbrella academy swedes #headcanons #music #swedes oscar #tua oscar #oscar swede #oscar #otto swede #swedes otto #tua otto #otto #axel swede #swedes axel #tua axel #axel

[asimawv]

I write and conceptualize story to music, so I’ve compiled a playlist of 30 Darkest Dungeon-specific songs that I listen to when writing (and subsequently re-writing) in no particular order, which I hope will help you set the vibe too. :+)

Names in bold are links for easy listening - tons of Hozier and Of Monsters and Men up ahead, five minute warning.

1. ‘Fire and the Flood’ - Vance Joy

If you listen to nothing else on this list, listen to this one - it’s the kind of song that’s made for movies about yearning. Folk influences, choruses of trumpets and vocal harmony, and instruments that are layered for a rich, resonant sound. This is the song I imagine Dismas and Reynauld horse-racing through a crowded outdoors market in the hamlet to, and the song I listened to nonstop freshman year when I first started writing The Myth of Sisyphus.

You're the fire and the flood And I'll always feel you in my blood Everything is fine When your hand is resting next to mine Next to mine You're the fire and the flood

The chorus is built around biblical allusions to the fire (the burning bush signifying first contact) and the flood (destruction of the first world), the beginning and end. Every line is similarly evocative of Darkest Dungeon in their simplicity (“I’ve been getting used to waking up with you,” etc.)

2. ‘Soldier, Poet, King’ - The Oh Hellos

By the title alone you can guess who this is for. Even the Guild quote for the Leper approaches these three things as the defining parts of his character (specifically it’s “a ruined man, a warrior, and a poet.”) This song coincidentally has an old world influence to it, with a Medieval Renaissance style from a guitar playing a lute-adjacent melody.

There will come a ruler Whose brow is laid in thorn Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord

To be smeared with oil is to be anointed by a prophet and thus chosen by god himself to be king, just as David was and his boy after him (presumably Solomon). There’s something strangely wistful about the imagery, which is just how I like my songs about bygone kings.

3. ‘Exit Hymn’ - Bear Attack!

This song is about the end of the world in a version where everyone simply stands together in silence watching, rather than having the masses swarming in panic.

Lovely shapes to the world descending, Brothers and sisters. Lovely shapes to the world descending, Brothers and sisters Mute.

It defies Lovecraftian horror, which is based on the premise that “common human laws and interests and emotions have no validity or significance in the vast cosmos-at-large” - it flies in the face of existential nihilism and the despair that it should bring us. That’s why I like this song for deaths in the end-boss fight; it also has a special place for other death-related ideas, like full-party wipes - entire teams of people vanishing into the dungeons, gone insane, holding hands while the darkness surrounds them.

It’s a bare song which has a sanctity to it, mostly just piano and rain and human voices. Just what you would hear at the end of the world.

More under the cut:

4. ‘Pursuit of Glory’ - Jhameel

This song is laid-back. It doesn’t have the Homeric intensity that some of the other songs here do - it’s a guy with a guitar and vocal harmony. By god is it a great piece of writing though (all of Jhameel’s older songs have that quality to them), and all of it is evocative of Darkest Dungeon.

So many eyes set on the path to glory Too many ties, friendship is for the lonely Can't still my heart, my tongue has tasted folly Thirsty for art, hungry for power and money

This is a song for everyone in the barracks, especially the ‘laundry list’ of people and their approaches to the pursuit of glory.

5. ‘Good Old Days’ - Macklemore (feat. Kesha)

This fucker put a Macklemore song in here. I did, yeah. It’s not even the only song with Kesha in it here (I’m sorry.) 

It’s a sentimental pop song, and I am sentimental to a fault. This is Darkest Dungeon AMV material, and I always mishear one of the lines as “we were underground, loaded mercs in that 12-passenger van” so it’s here.

We've come so far, I guess I'm proud And I ain't worried about the wrinkles around my smile I've got some scars, I've been around I've felt some pain, I've seen some things, but I'm here now Those good old days

6. ‘Past Lives‘ - Kesha

Here it is, the other Kesha song - this was introduced to me by a good friend, also in a Darkest Dungeon context. There’s just something about the lovers spanning time trope and finding each other in one life to the next that is irresistible (for the obvious reason in the context of Darkest Dungeon.) It’s a soft song, totally out of place in Kesha’s typical discography, and has a line about losing someone to the crusades, so... you know.

There's just somethin' about you I know Started centuries ago though You see your kiss is like a lost ghost Only I would know But I, I keep on falling for you Time after time Time after time

7. ‘Viva la Vida’ - Coldplay

You cannot fight this. You know that this is the song for King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem, you know it is. Did you know the official name of this genre of music is “Baroque pop”? Yes, that means more songs like this exist. You will live with this information now.

Don’t fight it. Just let it wash over you.

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing Roman Cavalry choirs are singing Be my mirror, my sword and shield My missionaries in a foreign field For some reason I can't explain Once you go there was never, never an honest word And that was when I ruled the world

Mirror, sword, and shield, the three other members of his party, his missionaries in a foreign field. Thinking emoji. I typed that out so I wouldn’t have a repeat of the crab emoji incident.

8. ‘The Boxer’ - Jerry Douglas (feat. Mumford & Sons, Paul Simon)

Partly inspired by the Bible, Simon & Garfunkle’s ‘The Boxer’ is a folk rock song about poverty, loneliness, and homesickness. It’s written and sung in a style that’s strongly reminiscent of older times, and the final verse about its eponymous boxer is particularly powerful:

In the clearing stands a boxer And a fighter by his trade And he carries the reminders Of ev'ry glove that laid him down Or cut him till he cried out In his anger and his shame "I am leaving, I am leaving" But the fighter still remains

This is what I use for Dismas’ life leading into organized crime and his foolish abandonment of stable job prospects in a half-baked bid for fame, as well as being punched down over and over again but with nowhere else to go. That last part is widely applicable across the cast.

9. ‘I Will Wait’ - Mumford & Sons

I am but a simple man. I see 'folk rock' and add it to my Darkest Dungeon playlist. This song I use for Reynauld - it has that sort of “salt of the earth,” somewhat biblical humility in its choice of words and style. 

Raise my hands Paint my spirit gold And bow my head Keep my heart slow

10. ‘Little Lion Man’ - Mumford & Sons

Have we not beaten this song to death yet? Can you blame us? This is the people’s song. We reserve it for all of our favorite fuck-up characters, as primal as Saturn devouring his son. We love this song. Jesus.

Tremble for yourself, my man, You know that you have seen this all before Tremble little lion man, You'll never settle any of your scores Your grace is wasted in your face, Your boldness stands alone among the wreck Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

The line about learning from your mother in particular is why I think of this song for Dismas’ introspection, but I also associate it with the Hellion.

11. ’From Eden’ - Hozier

There’s too much Hozier in my playlists. There is so much of it, and it’s all important to me, says the hoarder. There’s something about profoundly intimate folk music that I love, and god put folk, R&B, blues, and alt rock into a Vitamix for 45 seconds to make Hozier.

Honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword Innocence died screaming, honey ask me I should know I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

‘From Eden’ is, according to Hozier, about idolizing someone from a distance, written from the perspective of the devil “looking longingly at something he desires - for everything that he does not have.” I associate this song with the Grave Robber for its playfully nihilistic tone - Audrey does say something to the effect of being left for dead by high society and the affectionate bordering condescending address is on-brand.

12. ‘Cherry Wine’ - Hozier

‘Cherry Wine’ is unabashedly about domestic violence, and its sincerity is heartbreaking, the sanctification of the blood spilled in the name of keeping her.

The way she tells me I'm hers and she is mine Open hand or closed fist would be fine The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

This song is strongly tied to the Vestal for me.

13. ‘Work Song’ - Hozier

A song about unconditional love - heaven and hell were just words, indeed.

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

I think of this song for both Dismas and the Abomination - it’s a song about love transcending spiritual and even physical need, complete devotion, but something about it is also not quite right. It’s morbid and excessive, self-pitying, and almost ugly in its sincerity.

14. ‘Sunlight’ - Hozier

The strong gospel influence with the choruses, church organ, religious fervor - I think it makes a great song for traveling scenes and church/altar scenes.

I had been lost to you, sunlight Flew like a moth to you, sunlight oh sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight (sunlight, sunlight) But it is sunlight

15. ‘Arsonist’s Lullabye’ - Hozier

The gospel this time is paired with electric rock instrumentation. Something about the lamentation is unapologetic and matter-of-fact in its disturbing inclinations - this is Paracelsus’ song. Arguably representative of Bounty Hunter and Flagellant as well.

Now that I think about it, it’s great for Abomination as well. Damn.

All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons But always keep 'em on a leash

16. ‘We Sink’ - Of Monsters and Men

Of Monsters and Men are closer to the indie rock/pop spectrum with influences of folk, with much less biblical influence and more folklore-inspired lyrics. They make for great trailer and action songs.

We are the sleepers, we bite our tongues We set the fire and we let it burn Through the dreamers, we hear the hum They say come on, come on, let's go So come on, come on, let's go

In Lovecraft’s Cthulu mythos, dreams are how the Old Ones commune with humans on the earth’s surface while they slumber in the ocean depths (Cthulhu fhtagn meaning “Cthulhu is dreaming”); I like to think of the ‘sleepers’ as the heroes being tasked to “set the fire” and the ‘dreamers’ being the Heir and Ancestor driven by some unseen force to unearth the antediluvian underground.

17. ‘I Of The Storm’ - Of Monsters and Men

Very somber song, overwhelmingly piano and snare drum and vocals. Also a great death scene song, or for introspection around the campfire, or played to reveal a major event.

If I could face them If I could make amends With all my shadows I'd bow my head And welcome them

18. ‘King and Lionheart’ - Of Monsters and Men

My favorite OMAM song - it’s clearly written about two children, kind of reminiscent of ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ in its fantastical nature, and very upbeat about the end of the world.

His crown lit up the way as we moved slowly Pass the wondering eyes of the ones that were left behind Though far away, though far away, though far away We're still the same, we're still the same, we're still the same

This part is reminiscent of the Leper’s journey, but the mentions of taking over a town, howling ghosts, the end of the world, a black sea and creatures lurking below, etc. are all evocative of Darkest Dungeon.

19. ‘Little Talks’ - Of Monsters and Men

Also very upbeat for its subject matter - according to OMAM, it’s a narrative of a woman speaking with the ghost of her dead husband, or going insane and believing that she’s speaking with her dead husband.

Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear 'Cause though the truth may vary This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

The call-and-respond style of the song is haunting. I like this song for expeditions and afflicted heroes.

20. ‘Wolves Without Teeth’ - Of Monsters and Men

Suitable for both Occultist and Abomination, being consumed by an unseen and otherworldly force that inhabits them - well, maybe just rarely seen, in the Abomination’s case. Special mention to OMAM’s ‘Human,’ same conceptual backing but more raw.

You hover like a hummingbird Haunt me in my sleep You're sailing from another world Sinking in my sea, oh You're feeding on my energy I'm letting go of it He wants it

21. ‘Desierto’ (Original Motion Picture Score) - Woodkid

This is a full album, because all of it is dark orchestral cinema music described as ‘unsettling,’ with the sole exception of ‘Land of All,’ which has vocals to it. I reserve this album for writing fight scenes and for particularly unsettling events because it’s tense and wordless. I read Junji Ito to this soundtrack too, it’s insanely high-strung and discordant.

22. ‘Iron’ - Woodkid

‘Iron’ qualifies as Baroque pop - you might recognize this as the Assassin’s Creed: Revelations song. The large-scale, cinematic style of it and thematic lyrics make it great for writing about dramatic encounters or brigands.

This deadly burst of snow is burning my hands I'm frozen to the bones, I am A million miles from home, I'm walking away I can't recall your eyes, your face

23. ‘Never Let You Down’ - Woodkid (feat. LYKKE LI)

Another somber song, orchestral with some industrial noise in the mix - another great introspection song, or one for a scene with some hard decisions to be made.

Will you come along cause I'm about to leave this town In my eyes, a waterfall, all I can hear, a siren call Could you be waiting by the shore, oh I could drown without you Will you be holding out the line when I fall?

24. ‘Run Boy Run’ - Woodkid

Church bells, fast percussion, strong orchestral presence. For chase scenes, obviously, but great for fast-paced sneaking scenes as well. Also has a strong quasi-Medieval fantasy setting style to it.

Tomorrow is another day And you won't have to hide away You'll be a man, boy! But for now it's time to run, it's time to run!

25. ‘I Love You’ - Woodkid

Don’t let the scream effects and aggressive percussion at the beginning deter you (it kind of took me by surprise the first few times too) - it soon fades into more of the church bells and melodic string accompaniment.

Oh yeah, unrequited love song? It’s free (mental) real estate, baby.

Is there anything I could do Just to get some attention from you? In the waves, I've lost every trace of you Where are you?

26. ‘Vagabonds’ - Grizfolk

A rare departure from folk! Grizfolk is alt rock/indie pop. Stylistically it doesn’t match the feeling of Darkest Dungeon, but lyrically it’s almost 1:1 to arrival in the hamlet and the subsequent expeditions. Good song for writing about recruits bonding.

Oh this careless ground, guessing this is home now Oh in no man's land, at least we're still standing And we're all just fighting, some of us will not return And there's no redemption in trying to find your way out

27. ‘Everybody Wants To Rule The World’ - Lorde

Great trailer fuel, if you’ve seen the AC: Unity E3 trailer with this song - I listen to an extended version when writing fights in the Guild, especially one where two heroes are beefing. It’s got a primal kind of thing going on. I also associate this song with the Arbalest - lyrically, it fits her backstory like a glove.

Welcome to your life There's no turning back Even while we sleep We will find you

Acting on your best behavior Turn your back on mother nature

28. ‘Torches’ - X Ambassadors

More alt rock/indie pop - kind of a rallying song for dark expeditions, hopeful but still somber in nature - some gospel elements. X Ambassadors’ more popular ‘Renegades’ is also a fun tavern song.

Come on, carry your flame Carry it higher Leave it in the darkness Carry your torches

29. ‘Passing Afternoon’ - Iron & Wine

This is a song I use for reconciliation or domestic scenes - Dismas with Junia in the garden, for example. It’s soft and kind of meandering, and features vintage piano - you know, the piano you heard in the basement of your church turned community center as a child.

There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

30. ‘Some Nights’ - Fun.

You know this song, your mom knows this song, everyone knows this song from like, middle school. Thought it’d be fun to end this list on an uplifting and very popular song. This is the song that a Disney adaptation of Darkest Dungeon would use in the Training Montage™ - from the point of view of Reynauld. It hits all of the points - being their commander rather than their equal, his stern and antisocial zealotry with no true ideology behind it, the ghost of his wife.

Verse 2, starting with “Well, that is it, guys, that is all / Five minutes in and I'm bored again” is where I see it transitioning to Dismas.

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end 'Cause I could use some friends for a change And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again Some nights, I always win (I always win) But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know

_____

Well that’s all from me! Feel free to leave your own recommendations in the replies, and I’d love to know what you think about my personal picks. :+)

#darkest dungeon #playlist #song reccomendations #fic: the myth of sisyphus #give me that hozier baby

[yeoldontknow]

Sheltered Hearts: 3

Author’s Note: i am slightly late with this update, but its still his birthday in my time zone so happy birthday yoongs <3 its been a very long time since ive been in this universe, but i admit it was A LOT of fun being back. this chapter is dedicated to @iq-biased​ who has been the most engaged and encouraging reader, and this story’s biggest advocate. i love u <3  Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (oc; female) Genre: enemies to lovers au; vet au; romance; fluff; angst Rating (this chapter): PG-13 Warnings: light swearing; medical talk; depictions of surgery on a dog (these are not graphic); depictions of blood; depictions of exposed bone (again, not graphic); yoongi being a big softie but trying to be tough about it; reader is too proud to admit she has a crush; big science brains Word Count: 7.2K

masterlist

Dr. Kern agrees to meet you at his medical lab two hours north, replying to your initial request email with an expediency that both is both surprising and reassuring. With his confirmation of interest, Dr. Hague approves the journey, handing you a thumb drive containing Casper’s CT, MRI, and X-Ray scans and affirmations of optimism. 

Poised and graceful, Yoongi leans against his desk and watches this exchange with an expression you find uncharacteristically warm. A small smile plays at his cheeks, gaze focused intently on your hand you pocket the drive, neither supportive nor encouraging merely interested, his eyes twinkling with a hidden mischief married with unbridled fascination. 

The arresting combination of these things transforms him, breath halting in your throat as it is caught off guard by his sudden shift into someone boyish, sweet, and young. Blinking, you wait for the vision to dissipate, but his smile remains, his focus is unwavering, and the swell of his cheeks almost too youthful for the terse man you know him to be. 

Something about his gaze feels too interested, too curious, and you find yourself starting to bristle, all at once vulnerable and exposed. You always knew he burned with great intensity, his steadfast attention penetrative, rooting around in you, though not altogether combative. In this brief moment of silence, you realize he is learning you, seeing you, and you think, perhaps, this is the first time you have truly been witnessed. 

‘I’ll go with you to meet him,’ he resolutely declares, arms crossed over his chest in casual nonchalance. 

With this sudden announcement, Yoongi breaks the spell he cast of his own accord, the low rumble of his voice wiping away the embers of passion you saw in him. His lips crease back into the impartial emptiness he usually wears, corners of his mouth always threatening to turn downward into a frown. Bewildered, you wonder which of these dichotomous versions is the real Yoongi, which shell takes work to push and hide away. 

Dr. Hague hums in approval, nodding his encouragement. Gaze shifting between both their placid, understanding stares, witnessing their silent conversation, the first tendrils of exasperation floods your synapses. Hands at your sides, you wait for the frustration you normally feel to follow suit, but it never comes. You wait and wait, expecting a snide remark from Yoongi or expecting your chest to boil with the threat of being challenged, but all you can manage is a tepid pool of annoyance, twisting your usual fervor for independence into a tired exclamation of impatience. 

‘Why?’ you toss with a roll of your eyes, grabbing your things before exiting the office. ‘You don’t think I can handle dropping off some stem cells and scans?’

A bemused chuckle follows behind you, Yoongi pushing himself from the desk to trail behind, hot on your heels. The easiness of his amusement bores through you, sees beyond your pretense of anger, and, even without looking, you know he pleased.

‘I already told you,’ he explains with a click of his tongue. ‘Knowing a biomedical engineer is impressive.’ Pausing briefly, he collects his thoughts for the timing and you cock an eyebrow, not bothering to face him. ‘And I’ll be damned if you’re the only one who gets to be impressive around here.’ 

‘I swear -’ you begin, turning abruptly to cast him a glare you know will be nothing like the withering heat you wish it would be, but you find yourself cut off.

Yoongi winks at you, almost friendly, silencing you with this sudden affable nature as he walks past, a grin tugging at his lips.

The drive up the lab is mostly quiet, though not altogether tense. 

He’d offered to take his car, citing comfortable seats and better mileage, though even in the way he phrased it you could sense there was an ulterior motive. Nonetheless, you agreed, glad to not have to drive the two hours there and back again. 

Now, sitting in the front passenger seat, you realize his sole purpose for this offer was the music. Phone pressed into the console, a playlist of his own creation floods the speakers, songs you’d never heard before across multiple genres that ease him into the seat as he drives. So, too, do CD’s litter the car, pressed into side compartments and holders latched onto both sun visors strain to contain the numbers he has forced into their pockets. Surrounded by music, he appears an entirely different creature, elegant, serene, and utterly peaceful, you find no trace of his usual incisive attitude. 

The sudden inclusion into what would normally be considered a private space makes your palms feel clammy, uncertain how to rationalize the man you know with the details you find. Fast food wrappers are crumbled into a plastic, makeshift garbage back at your feet; a tiny, framed portrait of a kitten dangles from the rearview mirror rather than an air freshener; the seats of his car a deep, tan leather rather than the black you would have assumed he’d select. In his car, you find you know even less about him than you thought you did, all your assumptions and expectations molding together to place a slight throb at your temple. 

Beside you, Yoongi seems unaware of your struggle. If anything, it appears he doesn’t even notice you at all, relaxed into his seat as his hands grip the wheel with a tenderness you’ve only seen reserved for an animal. The morning sun changes the shadows and colours that usually settle on his skin, carving a dignified symmetry into the line of his jaw. If he feels the touch of your eyes against his features, he does not let on, allowing you to scrutinize the proportions of his cheeks, his lips, his ears - his regal profile turning your mouth dry. 

His eyes remain trained on the road with a stoicism you find blissful. Strands of his hair, pale blonde and taking on the myriad of shades contained within the sun, fall into his eyes, which he does not both to move. Messy, and soft, and entirely, woefully, human. In this comfortable silence, you admit that he is beautiful - beautiful, and flawed, and unashamed of the mess he makes, more alive than you have ever seen him.

Tearing your gaze away, you study the passing trees and cloudless morning, doing your best to remember when or why you decided he was someone cruel, someone who surrounds himself in negativity. With you, he has always been stern, detached at best, yet never deliberately mean, and your stomach drops at the realization he has done little more than wound your pride. For months, you’d been running circles around one another, your remarks simply a retaliation for his blithe announcement of assumptions you both knew were true.

 From the start, he saw through the heart of you, and you wonder when you had ever chosen to let him in.

When he pulls up to the lab, adrenaline floods your body. Here, even in the parking lot, you can feel the looming presence of purpose, potential, power. You are unashamed of the excited way you scramble out of the car, stretching briefly before slinging your bag over your shoulder and taking hurried steps towards the door. You don’t make it far, ears catching quickly that it is only your steps, your feet pressing against the uneven gravel, and so you look back, concerned.

Yoongi stares at the building with childlike apprehension, hands shoved deep into his coat pockets, suddenly appearing impossibly, endearingly small.

‘What’s wrong?’ The question is sincere, and you don’t bother hiding the concern in your voice.

Unmoved, he continues to regard the dark windows and limestone front, the awning detailing only a number in an effort to remain anonymous. 

‘He agreed to see the scans,’ he announces, voice loud enough to carry but soft enough to give away his uncertainty. ‘There’s still a chance he might not help Casper. He just might not be able to’

As he finishes speaking, his eyes find yours, the care and the doubt you find catching you off guard. Looking at him now, you realize he likely hasn’t slept, bags puffing beneath his eyes, and his pout sheepish.  Nothing in his gentle wording exists to pull apart your ideas, to put blocks, to make things difficult. In him, you sense the fear, the worry. Shifting your weight from foot to foot, you watch the way he clenches his jaw, lips thin as he chews the inside of his cheek. Suddenly overwhelmed by his unspoken affection, you allow yourself to soften for him, if only because you know he cares just as much as you.

‘But,’ you counter, ‘there’s a very real possibility he can. And that’s what we have to hold onto.’ 

 Yoongi’s gaze hardens, resolute as he nods, lips forming into a small smile of gratitude.

It’s the most you’ve ever seen him give over into kindness, and the first time he has ever relied on you for anything beyond a chart or a schedule reference. Briskly, he walks past you, pulling open the door and holding it for you, expectant. Swallowing thickly, you hurry towards the entrance, mind fuzzy with too many incoherent and inconsistent emotions. 

Dr. Kern comes to greet you only a few minutes after the receptionist notifies of him of your arrival, his handshake strong and welcoming. He leads you towards his office, a small space littered with papers, charts, models of bone structures, two oversized prints of the periodic table framed on his wall between his degree credentials. 

‘Thank you so much for meeting with us at such short notice,’ you offer, taking a seat in front of his desk. 

‘No problem,’ he says, congenially. ‘For me, this case is highly intriguing.’

Yoongi clears his throat, taking the seat beside you with careful movements. ‘I’m hoping I don’t sound...ungrateful, but may I ask why you agreed to help?’ he questions gently, hands running over the arms of the seat, over and over. ‘Do you work in veterinary science? I’m sorry if that comes across badly, I just have never met a biomedical engineer.’

Dr. Kern nods in understanding. ‘It’s alright. I imagine it’s surprising that I’d want to investigate an animal case.’ Reaching into his desk, he pulls out two files, sliding one to you and one to Yoongi. ‘When 3D printing first became reasonably affordable and partially available to the public, I saw limitless potential. I’ve spent a significant amount of time working in labs across the country throughout my career, and I can think of hundreds of cases where printing like this could have potentially saved lives.’ 

He pauses, giving you the opportunity to read through the file. Everything pertaining to his lab, the printing, the technology, the materials they use is included. Most importantly, right at the start, is a mission statement focused on ingenuity in the effort of maintaining quality of human life.

‘I started and funded this lab with my own money,’ he continues, leaning back in his tall leather chair and folding his hands. ‘It’s important, I think, to welcome a new era for medicine. Doing so means you welcome a new era for hope.’

Eyes still scanning the pages, you’re aware you’ve taken on a wistful, altogether too hopeful expression. In medicine, hope is necessary, but it cannot be your crutch, the elation of such a feeling allowing carelessness and ego sink in, creating delusions of grandeur. But here, now, you let it wash over you, unwilling to let it stop. 

‘There’s something cosmically magical about that power, isn’t it?’ you muse, hoping to share in this enthusiasm with him. ‘To choose the paradigm you want to shift.’ 

From the corner of your eye, you see Yoongi look up from the file, eyes taking their time as they pierce you. Keeping still, you train your focus on Dr. Kern, fingers pressing deeply into the file in your lap, hopeful he does not notice. Even as your vision blurs, eyes losing hold of the world around you, you feel him. You are starting to think you will always feel him.

Dr. Kern laughs, the sound jovial and forcing you back to reality. ‘That’s exactly the kind of thing I like to hear. That kind of drive, it was all over your email.’ Sitting up, he moves his mouse to wake his computer, glancing at you over his thickly rimmed glasses. ‘Now, show me these scans.’

He uploads the files from the thumb drive with a furrowed brow, lips pursed as you sit back in your seat, doing your best not to jitter your legs. In your peripheral, Yoogi appears just as tense and still, gnawing at the inside of his cheek once again. The silence consumes you, the kind that presses roughly at your spine and makes you wish for sound, the tick of a clock, the drip of a fountain. Eager, you break the silence with information you imagine will be pertinent.

‘As you saw in my email,’ you announce, leaning forward in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the screen, ‘there have been several studies where prosthetics like this have been made, the most recent being in the UK. There is precedent...’ your words drift, fading away and mildly disheartened by the lack of change in his expression. ‘Sorry, I’m just excited.’

At this, Dr. Kern breaks, an humming in consideration though he does not take his eyes off the 3D scans, moving his mouse slightly as he rotates them. ‘It’s alright. I’d be concerned if you weren’t.’

‘I’ve taken stem cell samples, as well,’ you add, ‘so new bone could possibly fuse together around the implant.’

His eyes move to yours, brows raised in pleasant surprise. ‘That’s very forward thinking of you.’ 

Beside you, Yoongi coughs gently, interjecting as politely as he can. ‘I admit,’ he begins, evenly, using a voice you’ve never heard him use. It’s soft, demure, and almost hopeful. ‘I feel a little out of my depth. After we took these scans, our conversation swiftly went from orthopedics into neuroscience and regenerative medicine. Having this technology…’ He falls quiet, slightly mystified. ‘The ability to reinvent and redefine the borders between disciplines is both overwhelming and inspiring.’

You study him, chest suddenly tight at his heartfelt compliment. He offers it with ease, as though he’s used to handling sweet words in his mouth, a slight blush creeping up his neck and ears, aware that he has humbled himself and unashamed of doing so. How easily he strips himself of pride, admits there is more for him to learn. How easily he makes himself small in front of you. This was not something you were prepared for, his presence looming against yours as it seeks connection, a bond, heated enough for him to feel him all over you. Like this, he towers over you, lacing his emotions with yours, and you, unhinged, allow him all the way in if only for this shared moment. 

‘I like you kids,’ Dr. Kern states plainly, his gaze moving between your awed expression and Yoongi’s soft flush of humility. ‘I knew I made the right choice offering to help.’ Leaning back in his chair, he lifts his hand from the mouse and waves you both forward. ‘Come take a look at this.’ 

Without hesitation, you and Yoongi leave your seats with care, your fists clenching and unclenching in an effort to suppress the trembling in your fingers. This, you think, is how it feels to stand on the precipice of innovation, teetering over the edge into the unknown, and while you don’t feel quite ready for the totality of it, you feel as though you are glimpsing images of a future you have claimed as rightfully yours. Yoongi steadies you slightly as he joins you in rounding the desk, his hand resting lightly against your shoulder, both of you unstable on your feet.

And when you see him, see the way his eyes are wild and alight, you suddenly feel as though you are looking into a mirror, confronted by the missing pieces of yourself that bring you balance. But, in an instant, the moment he latches his eyes to the computer screen and you, turning to see what he sees, feel the sentiment dissipate, both of you falling back into your usual routine, hungry for understanding.

‘The goal here is the marriage of biomechanics and biology.’ Dr. Kern moves the scans with careful precision. ‘The plans you sent to me for the surgery include cutting from here to here,’ he says, gesturing to the length from the cubital bone to the carpus. ‘What you’re leaving behind is this section.’ Dragging his mouse over the length of the radius, he hums in consideration. ‘Effectively, what you’re asking me to do is create a bridge where dead bone would be, hoping that there’d be enough space left for you to drill the piece in without bridging across the wrist. In a sense, we need a piece of scaffolding that leaves space, so the stem cells can recognize the rest of the bone as their own.’

It’s something you had talked about in your initial discussion, you and Yoogni and Dr. Hague glancing worriedly at one another, doing your best not to sound excited. Hearing it now, laid out by the engineer who must build it, you suddenly think something like this would be terribly difficult, to tall of an order in such a short amount of time.

‘Can you do it?’

Yoongi asks the question on your mind with an urgency you find endearing. His insistent tone brings you comfort, no longer feeling quite so alone in your worry.

Dr. Kern nods, unblinking as he regards the screen. ‘I believe I can. The scans you provided are detailed and thorough, and I should be able to design something that will get within a fraction of a hair’s length to fit in the leg.’ Still, though, he sighs, looking over his shoulder momentarily to offer you both a clouded expression. ‘The concerns I have, however, are severe. There is a risk of failure to incorporate, mechanical failure, infection, or implant breakage. The size of the gap you want to create is large, and this area of the leg is subject to high stress due to motion.’ 

‘But you’ll try?’ Yoongi presses, insisting he provide you both receive a real, concrete answer.

‘Like I said, I believe I can try.’ Dr. Kern turns in his chair to face you, a smile playing at his lips. ‘And I do want to try.’

Yoongi glances at you, exchanging a moment of relief and unbridled joy. All at once, you fear he becomes the sun, blinding and incandescent. Biting your lip, you look away, heat overtaking your chest as your heart begins to race.

‘Will you be using carbon?’ Your words are rushed, an abrupt distraction to change the subject and redirect the rush of blood you feel beneath your cheeks.

‘No, in living material it’s always safest to use titanium,’ he explains. ‘We can easily print with that here, though it will take some time to get the measurements and prototypes correct. You mentioned this dog is a cancer patient.’ At this, a darkened cloud seems to overtake the room, the word itself an omen as you all share a frown, the kind of thin lipped grimace you give to someone when you are preparing to share bad news. ‘I am not an oncologist, and so I don’t know how severe this cancer is.’

Nodding, Yoongi swallows thickly, building himself into the austere, authoritative presence you are familiar with. ‘The scans we took show the cancer hasn’t spread to the chest or lungs, though it is aggressive. The cells were taken from the hip, which was clean. I’m confident cells should be able to produce the normal matrix that would realign with the bone.’ 

Blinking, your lips part slightly, the confidence in his tone a thunder roll that moves over your skin. You’ve never heard him speak this way, not to you, not as a scientist. Eyes narrowed, he stands taller, a rod of iron in his spine that makes him appear not unlike a god. 

‘Though,’ he continues, ‘we cannot be sure of the current spread along the lung. At best,’ he adds, gravely, ‘we have about seven weeks before we’d need to urgently consider alternatives.’

Dr. Kern nods, turning back to his computer and opening a rendering program. ‘I can get this done in about five or six, though I’d need to start today.’ Turning back to face you both, he offers you a kind, supportive smile. ‘But you’ve got me on board.’

Overwhelmed, you release a sigh of relief, one that makes you press the back of your hand to your mouth in embarrassment. Yoongi chuckles, extending his hand to Dr. Kern in thanks, and you watch as they share a moment that makes them appear more as colleagues than you have ever felt around either of them. 

Rising to a stand, Dr. Kern places his hands on your shoulders, offering a reassuring squeeze. ‘You’re doing the right thing,’ he states. ‘We do these kinds of surgeries on people all the time. It’s only fair animals are given the same shot at quality of life.’ 

‘Thank you,’ you murmur, blood rushing with a sense of vindication and validation, the first real success you’ve had in months.

Yoongi drums his fingers on the steering wheel on the way back, far more talkative and making more noise than he had in the morning. Like you, he rides the high of this exhilaration with poorly contained energy, the full brilliance of his smile eclipsing the sun. Every now and then, he turns to look at you, to ensure you’re just as wired as he feels, irises wild and body hyperaware. For you, this new version of him is simply another layer, another shadow you must contend with, having witnessed so much of him in one day. 

Looking at him now, you cannot help but return his enthusiasm, seemingly welcomed wholeheartedly into the radiance that exudes from beneath his skin. His smile, his true smile, you learn, is gummy, eyes squinting with delight as he softens the light from the afternoon sun. The commonality of this experience, of the way you processed and handled the weight of worry, and the power of victory, binds you both, something that is nurtured and born to exist within the boundaries of his car alone. This morning, it was a quiet heaven; now, he brings the noise, the tidal waves of change that come from work, understanding, and commitment - things that apply to Casper as much as they would apply to a lover.

Looking at him now, you cannot help but feel awed.

Running your palms over the fabric of your pants, you glance back towards the road, back to the trees and the distant lake that shimmers as you pass. Even as you watch the light drench the world around you, a thing you witness regularly, the sun so willing to kiss the land, you recognize this day is special, a moment that will eclipse all others until your next big first, wondering if it’s him or if it’s everything.

Licking your lips, you speak, unwilling to live inside your mind, alone, any longer.

‘You seemed a little lost in there,’ you chuckle, casting a brief glance in his direction, attempting to witness a change. ‘That’s not a challenge, by the way, just an observation.’

Yoongi shakes his head, a non committal motion he marries with a hum of acknowledgement, a bundle of movement and sound that feels excitable, like a puppy.

‘I don’t think you realize what that was - what this is for me,’ he says, emphatically. Considering his words for a moment, he pauses, looking between you and the road with an amazement you find euphoric.‘At grad school, my focus is soft tissue surgery, you know? Airways, oncology. Not bones, and certainly not reinventing parts. I meant what I said when I mentioned I’m out of my depth.’

It makes sense, you realize, how he so easily discussed stem cells and cancer with Dr. Kern; why he was so quizzical, so focused when you first observed the scans, willing to meet you and fight with you, because this is his field and, now, it is yours too. Yoongi looks at each animal he sees with a reverence that often leaves you breathless, always leaves you bewildered, shaken that this kind of love lives within his core. But, now, you understand - he loves because he witnesses loss, witnesses pain and grief, the intensity of which is braved only by those who have survived it.

‘I didn’t know your focus was oncology.’ You hope the words don’t sound surprised, as though you would have underestimated his dedication or his character. So, instead, you clear your throat and try again. ‘It’s a difficult field. There, you fail more often than you succeed, and that's hard.’

‘You thought I just wanted to be a vet tech,’ he says, changing the subject while sounding smug.

Rolling your eyes, you scoff. ‘I’m trying to level with you.’ Still, though, you can’t help but grin. ‘It’s true though,’ you admit. ‘I did.’

He laughs, a sound of real amusement, and your chest tightens, endeared. ‘Everyone always thinks that,’ he concedes. ‘Even my parents. I wasn’t the most attentive kid in school. I don’t really think people see me amounting to much.’

Enigmatic as he is, he surprises you once more with his blunt honesty, the way he lowers some of the walls he has built around himself, easing into the comfort that seems to have blossomed within the car. You're unsure why he would share such personal information, why he would bother to converse so freely at all, but you don't question it. Surprisingly, you welcome it, feeling yourself become endeared to him on instinct.

'Even when I first started at the clinic,' he continues, 'Dr. Hague seemed surprised. My credentials are solid - still waiting on my dissertation defense date - but I know I don't fit the profile. I don't look like someone who would choose this.'

Softening, you cock your head to the side. 'What's a veterinary surgeon supposed to look like, then?'

Turning to face you, startled by your question, his lips part slightly, a small puff of air moving between his pout. His focus moves between you and the road, his shoulders dropping in comfort and confidence, relaxed and eased by your words, though he chooses to remain silent.

And now, it is your turn to wink, the action making him laugh in surprise, the sound of full of honey.

‘So why oncology?’ you try again, hoping to steer him away from personal, somber waters. Mostly, a distraction to keep him talking, so the sound of his laugh does not seep into the pores of your skin, not unlike a waterfall. ‘It takes a lot of guts.’

He nods. ‘It does,’ he agrees. ‘Maybe that’s why I decided on it. It’s hard in every living thing. I figure why not give a voice to those who can’t speak for themselves? You know, Casper is here with cancer in his leg, but he’s still playing and eating and wagging his tail. He’s a good boy, a great dog. Someone has to fight for him.’

Nodding in agreement, you shift your attention to the road, memories stirring. Tongue eager, it feels important to share the thoughts his words have stirred, important to let him in. Truthfully, you've been letting him in all day, allowing the intensity of his stares, the warmth of his smiles, the kindness in his laugh to unmake parts of you, and, perhaps, you have been doing the same to him. The thought is motivating, the notion that his hand on your shoulder, his warm eyes and unwavering attention were born because you had worked your way inside him, too.

It feels motivation, and so you let yourself speak before you lose the will at all.

‘When I was eight,’ you begin, ‘my cat got run over by a car. She’d darted out from the garden when she saw a rabbit. I tried to stop her - she wasn’t even meant to be outside but I wanted to take her up to the treehouse.’

Even without seeing, you feel his expression morph, brow furrowing in concern as he listens. You have his attention, and he offers a small sound of encouragement, urging you to continue.

‘The car rounded the corner so quickly, I didn’t even hear it,' you sigh, falling back into the memory with a sadness that feels too palpable to be a distant wound. 'Her leg was badly wounded, but otherwise she was fine. Our vet, though, they fixed her up as best they could but there wasn’t a surgical practice around us, nowhere for them to refer us to that wasn’t miles out. My family couldn’t afford that trip and they kept convincing me it would be fine, but it wasn’t.’

'Shit,' he mutters, offering you a hurt, apologetic expression. 'I think I know where this is going.'

‘The nerves in her left foot died. She lost feeling quite quickly, and it wasn’t long until it became infected. We had to put her down because of that.’

When you finish, you find you are regarding your hands as they rest, uselessly, in your lap. Every time you think on this, this is where your eyes go - to your hands. The hands that held her, the hands that loved her, the hands that caressed her soft fur without giving shape to the life she deserved. You were useless then, altogether too young and unprepared, and the memory of these unfulfilled actions and touches live within your hands, where they speak and echo for no one but you to hear.

Yoongi remains silent, still comfortable in the trust though no longer free of pain. The atmosphere in the car has shifted, even as you look at the etched curves of your palms you can feel the change, one of companionship in this loneliness and this grief. As though a cloud of mourning has gathered within the small space, feeling him ache with you, feeling him hurt with you, is as though he has pushed through your memories, touched you, ensuring you are no longer solitary in this melancholy.

‘She was an otherwise healthy cat and,' you continue, voice thick and tongue heavy, 'at eight, it’s really traumatizing to lose a friend like that. She was my best friend. I decided then I wanted to be a vet, the kind that fixes broken limbs and makes new parts if I have to, so no one has to go through what I did.’

‘I’m sorry,' he finally says, his own throat tight with sincerity.

Lifting your head to watch him, you study the grimace that has pulled his lips downward. Instinctively, your hands ache to wipe it away, but you press them into your thighs, willing them to remain still.

‘That kind of loss,’ he explains, sympathetic and tender, ‘it stays with you.’

As he watches the road, a long and lost expression floods his irises, making him appear distant. Even as he quiets, you can sense there's so much more he intends to say, so much more he'd like to say, but the words elude him, seem to get caught somewhere between his heart, his tongue, unable to penetrate the heaviness of longing that has overtaken you both. So you don't pressure him, finding you are comfortable in this sort of unity, together and remembering, even if you are not touching.

Really, you think words no longer belong in spaces like this, would only tarnish the security you have only just found in one another, so new and so fragile. And so you remain silent, bonded with him, and comforted by him, knowing that things will change - the song will change or the subject will change, or, when you leave the car, the air outside will grant approval for things to return as you know them to be.

But, for now, this newness you have found with Yoongi feels natural and it is more beautiful than you could have ever intended.

It's five and a half weeks later when the part arrives at the clinic, the brown box, that would otherwise be so unobtrusive, lingering on the side of your desk as it generates a foreboding sense of apprehension in your belly. Dr. Hague agrees it's only right you open it with Yoongi, later in the afternoon when the start of his long shift commences, but the wait places a twitch in your fingers, skin itching with the desire to open it.

Such a small box, containing such a small item, the marriage of anatomy and biology, physiology and machinery. Weeks of work and weeks of conversation, running through your options and over and over, with Dr. Hague, with Yoongi, with Talia. So much is reliant on this small piece of titanium, you wonder if metal such as this, born of the cosmos and often in meteorites, could hold your expectations and not just the stars.

In these long weeks, Talia has worked overtime, pulling in extra money to pay the difference in cost her pet insurance will not cover. Casper, all good and warm and full of love, has been on medications to manage the pain, coming in weekly for scans to check the spread of his tumor. So far, not much has changed. So far, the spread remains contained to just the leg, but still you worry, deep down, what you will find when you finally see his bones with your own eyes and not just the empty, black and white images you're so used to examining.

This, all of this, is your risk, your drive to do what is morally correct and in the best interest for Casper. Weeks ago, you were confident you could save a leg, and a life. Now, with the box on your desk and the closeness of this imagined reality manifesting in the present, the weight of your choice is heavy in your lungs and chest. In this moment of being, it has never been so important to be right.

'What if we fuse the wrist?' you ask later, alone with Yoongi in Dr. Hague's office on the day of the surgery, his hands cradling the implant and your hands pressing against the desk in apprehension. 'What if there's no space to drill?'

Yoongi regards you quietly, brown eyes dark with compassion and understanding. You feel his gaze move over your face, feel the touch as though it were his own hands, and you lean into it, focus on it, aching for the comfort that comes from being held.

'Plenty of dogs have fused wrists,' he reassures evenly. There’s less than an hour, no time to turn back but time enough to think and rethink, to be consumed, and Yoongi, full of understanding, refuses to let you draw inward.  'You'd never know, even if you saw them up close.'

Meeting his eyes, then, you realize you have surrendered yourself into his care. In this moment, he holds you, his looking a sort of touching, his touching a deep, resonate sense of feeling, bound together in the moment of fear and unease, but, in him, there is no doubt. The same way you have surrendered yourself to his care, he has surrendered himself to you, trusting you implicitly, and knowing, in the end, you both would not move forward if it was not what was best.

You would not move forward if you were not united, together.

Dr. Hague invites both you and Yoongi into the OR, a first, he says, for a volunteer to be welcomed into surgery. But he smiles, rests his hand on your shoulder and reminds you you’re doing what’s right - there’s a lot of firsts happening today, and that counts for something. Talia squeezes your hands three times before you leave reception, Casper already placed under anesthetic and wheeled through the doors. Once again, the trust you find swimming in her eyes buoyes you.

‘There’s only so much you can do,’ she murmurs, as much for you as it is for her own nerves. ‘And I know you’ll do everything you can.’

The tremors in your hands, an uncharacteristic trembling that had taken root in your joints, dissipates upon entry. As if your body and your soul recognize this place is clean - free of distraction and free of second guessing. It’s sterile. It’s home. It’s safe. Shoulders pushed back, the rhythmic beeping of Casper’s heart monitor is your soundtrack; the bright, overhead light your moon. This is your universe, the precipice of a destiny you manifested on your own, created and dictated entirely by you. 

And so, this room belongs to you. 

After the first incision, as if by magic, your mind clears. You know the journey, the beginning and the end, you do not know what you will find, but you know the only option is to fix, to mend, to heal. The fog of other voices, other decisions is dispelled, every action and choice so much more simple than you would have imagined it could be. After the first incision, your focus narrows, the viciousness of your inner monologue dissolving into little more than numbers, measurements, and the sound of a drill.

‘Eight millimeters,’ you hear yourself say, even if it’s moot, even if Dr. Hague already knows, you still say it because it’s important. Few things, you think, have ever been as important as the length of this drill. 

Yoongi watches, studies every movement with a furrowed brow, body still in a silence that makes you view him as an apparition. Under the white light, he glows, becomes something radiant, and you imagine him not unlike an angel. For so long he has watched over this process, watched over Casper, watched over you - learning and seeing and protecting. Yoongi watches and does not assist, not in any physical sense of the word, but he assists you, even if you are too proud to admit it. 

Hours in, Dr. Hague hands you suction, tells you to manage a bleeder while he preserves blood vessels along the exposed marrow. Yoongi holds the frame of the wrist in place while you apply suction, the steadiness in his hand making it easier for you to quickly remove the overflow. He’s calm, the most composed you feel you might have ever seen him, there for you before you even ask him to be. Together, you anticipate one another’s movements, thoughts - you move around one another in a synchronization that feels natural, as though it was meant to be this simple.

With the bleeding stopped, you move the suction to the nurse behind you and catch his eye, see the way he watches you in admiration. There’s no time to really pause, to share a moment like this together, but you see it. See the way respect floods him, the way he moves his gaze back to Casper, a blush creeping beyond the perimeter of his surgical mask. It’s the most you’ve been involved in surgery since you finished your first residency. It’s the most you’ve felt like Yoongi’s equal since you met him. And both these things, the feeling of success and the feeling of wanting, you know, will never leave you again.

Dr. Hague educates both of you on the placement of the implant, the hardest part of the surgery. Something about this feels too easy - it feels like it goes too well. Casper’s vitals are stable, Yoongi’s eyes are wide, and your hands do not shake, but still you wait for the fall. You wait for the moment things change and go badly - even if it’s falling out of Hague’s favor, even if it means Yoongi never sees you this way again, you know it must be coming.

But it doesn’t.

At hour five, Casper is closed up, the implant successfully drilled. The stem cell samples you mixed with fribrin glue are sprayed into the mesh to rebuild new bone. Yoongi looks at you as though he is eclipsing the sun, and suddenly, your feet recognize the earth that holds you. Sound, thought, vision - they all come back, an onslaught that raises the hairs on your arms, overstimulated. The overhead light is turned off and Casper is wheeled to his recovery kennel, but you remain in the OR, standing still as your eyes adjust back to the fluorescent lighting. 

It’s quiet now, almost too quiet, a calm falling over the room - a special kind of quiet that echoes with triumph, smells of sweat and anesthetic, and the fear of loss. This has never been done before. There is no guarantee it will work, no guarantee it could be done again. But it happened. It was real.

It was yours. 

‘Are you okay?’

Yoongi’s voice breaks your thoughts. He’s close, closer than you normally let him be, but your gaze fixates on the way his mask dangles from his ear, playful, free, liberated. You’ve seen masks ripped away from faces in defeat, frustration, but he lets it linger, pressed against his skin as though he’s afraid of realizing it’s over or that it never happened. At such close proximity, you can smell him, his cologne mixing with the scent of iodine and blood, but you swoon, feel a little faint, and he steps closer, as though anticipating your drop.

‘I’m okay,’ you nod. ‘I just…’

‘You can’t believe it was real?’

A breath you did not know you had been holding, likely held deep within your lungs from the first moment you saw Casper’s scans, escapes your chest. You feel lighter, not necessarily relieved but aware you defied the odds, and so it is important to honor this moment.

‘Yeah,’ you agree, sounding breathless.  It’s been a long time since you’ve been in an OR, even longer since you’ve felt like you were first for something, like you were chosen. ‘Is it always like that? For you?’

‘It’s always exhilarating,’ he says, considering his words carefully. ‘But no,’ he decides. ‘It’s not usually like that.’

‘Where do we go from here?’

At this, Yoongi laughs, reaching for your hand. Slowly, he pulls off your glove, the fingers stained a myriad of colours, and through the thin plastic you feel the tenderness in his touch. There is a greatness to the way he handles you, a familiarity to the way he pulls the plastic down and down further - pulling and shaping as though the hand was his, his hand yours; meeting together in the simplicity of this touch, aware that, from this moment, is it likely neither of you will ever have enough.

‘How about,’ he tries, delicately, gaze fixed on the slow reveal of your skin, ‘to a diner?’

It feels like the first time he smiled - the first time you smiled back and meant it. It feels like a first, is a first - the first time his hand holds yours, with purpose and intent. And so, you think you should get used to this. 

‘That sounds great.’

#yoongi x reader #suga x reader #prettyboysnetwork #kpopwonderlandtag #bts yoongi x reader #bts suga x reader #suga scenario #yoongi scenario #yoongi fluff #yoongi romance #yoongi fanfic #suga fluff #suga romance #suga fanfic #suga fanfiction #suga au #yoongi au #yoongi fanfiction #bts scenario #bts fanfiction #bts au #bts angst #min yoongi

[el-im]

im putting all the things ive been meaning to write posts about into one single item because i am feeling Very Observed lately and i figure with it being as early as it is that hopefully this wont show up on some peoples dashes by the time they get around to pulling up tumblr today. 

first of all heres a photo dump and some captions

from when i texted charlie my images of the sisko card, which i was really hoping he’d like

a smiley face on my coffee 

i was gonna make a gender joke here bc the longer i looked at these before n after pinning back my hair pictures the more i was like ‘oh we just flipped gender presentation like a lightswitch huh’ but that was not funny and i am not funny and I wish i were but im not and its kind of a >:( fact thats been bugging me lately. 

from mom, yesterday, who dropped off one for me, one for nick, one for mia, and one for abe. i was expecting this to be the only thing i got/heads up/message on valentines day but i woke up this morning to find that aub had sent me a playlist that i looked at but havent listened to yet (because im trying to order my responses to things in increasing complexity and time--i responded to the tik toks elanor sent me first, them had a look at the star trek document that joe sent me and commented on the questions he asked without giving away spoilers, and am now making this post, which ive been meaning to make, and will then maybe try to listen to the playlist and then respond to michelle’s email) 

these are joes thoughts from some ds9 episodes. initially, i’d sent him a list of ‘best’  episodes (my favorites AND the eps i thought were most emblematic of ds9′s issues--bajor’s relationship with cardassia, trill relationships, etc) hoping that he’d be able to see the merit of the show, but he insisted on re-watching the first episode before he started working on the list because he’d only seen it once a long time ago, and then, after watching ep 1 and captive pursuit (with tosk) decided that he’d try to watch the full first season, especially after i expressed my dismay at realizing he wouldn’t get the chronological introduction to garak bc ep 3 wasnt on my list of best episodes. anyway. he showed me this list of written reactions after watching ep 1 and captive pursuit and it made me so happy he decided he’d keep doing it, which i insisted wasn’t necessary because it seems to me like a lot of work (and which i still feel guilty about) but he was like told me that he’d only seldom seen me as happy as i was upon reading that and it was something little he could do to foster that joy which.. makes my heart crack in two). 

anyway. the real reason i started this post was because ive been up in arms for the past few days about mia and covid. 

speaking of which. 

baby ‘passed’ first covid test. that arrow on the side is the minimized player where im watching nemesis. hah. 

anyway. 

to make a longer story short, my (pregnant!!!) sister decided, stupidly, to go with her boyfriend abe, a sound engineer, to a broadcast stage he was setting up in california, because she has a liver condition that appeared during her pregnancy which makes giving birth difficult (which is emotionally challenging for her because she had always wanted to do an at-home birth without drugs) and in fact, is a condition which typically leads to the birth having to be induced early, which means, at this point in development, that she could potentially need to have the child at any time. she went with him because she didn’t want to be without him if the baby needed to come. she was there for a week, with the both of them feeling sick all the while, and then came home early without abe because she felt bad and wasnt having fun, eventually getting a ride from my mother (who lives with my grandmother and great aunt, 93 and 86 respectively) back home from the airport (she took a PLANE!?). anyway. at our insistence, she was tested the same day she got home. she was reluctant to do it because she ‘didn’t think she had it’ and figured that it was ‘just the flu, honestly’ as if she had any way of knowing that???? in the day she was waiting for her test results, she came out of her room multiple times without a mask on, walking around the kitchen or playing with the dogs, even though we told her to stay in her room (and had brought her food/hot tea/whatever else she needed). she had no reason to come out when she was 1. sick and 2. not quite sure if she had covid or not

anyway. her test came back positive so she was trying to ‘stay in her room’, which lasted for.. not even a day. nick and i, who hadn’t seen either of them in a week, but had been around each other, got tests. we (as pictured) both got negative results, so mia must have gotten it in california rather than from someone we’d all seen (like nick and mia’s dad or stepmother earlier in the month) 

abe came home soon after and had taken two rapid tests when he landed, but then, when coming home, immediately was sitting in the same room as my sister, without a mask on. he slept outside in our ‘arizona room’--a screened in patio with a futon in it for the first night. when his results came back (as negative), he decided that he was fine to be in the house, so wouldn’t wear a mask in the kitchen or in the living room, (something nick and i both did) AND would also be in the same room as my sister for long periods of time. i’d like to think he was wearing a mask in there, but i can’t be sure. he was playing video games in their shared room where mia was watching tv, as long as he (AND I QUOTE) ‘stayed in his corner’. it’s a ten by ten room at most. there’s no way that staying in there, even with a mask on, for as long as he did was a smart option. so... to reiterate. abe was in a room with my sister, who has covid, for a long period of time, and then wouldn’t wear a mask when in the common areas that everyone uses. which is... great right

and the thing thats been annoying me for these last couple of days in particular, ASIDE from all the dumb shit they’ve done up to this point, is that mia says abe needs to bring her food (valid) and YET mia is always in the kitchen (which doesn’t make sense). i was in the kitchen preparing a meal the other day and she came out to refill her water. which, if abe was functioning SOLELY to bring her things, as she was insisting, would not have warranted her coming out of her room. it was the middle of the day. she could have said she needed water and left her cup by the door and i could have refilled it and brought it back.... but she didn’t. i was wearing two masks (a cloth one over a medial grade one) but was still wary about her being there--because I was making food. i told her to get out of the kitchen because she’d finished getting her water, but she said ‘just a minute!!’ and continued, not three feet away from me, trying to pick up one of the dogs and playing with her. i kept telling her to go back to her room but she was acting as though i was being rude and being completely unreasonable??? she takes every request we make for her to stay away from us as a personal attack, like we don’t want to see her or be around her, instead of us trying to protect ourselves from covid?? 

THEN the fun part is after all this, abe sets up an inflatable mattress in the office (which is :) right :) next :) to my room) because he decides he doesn’t want to sleep in the same room as mia (reasonable) despite having been occupying the same room as mia for hours (STUPID). so now abe is using the hall bathroom, which nick and i use/shower in/brush our teeth in. before, abe had been using mia’s bathroom off the bedroom, and, again, had been sleeping in there. so now, if abe DID catch it from mia, which is likely, at this point, he’d going to give it to nick and i.

nick and i were upset about this, and told mia last night that she needed to stay in her room. that was how people quarantined. that is how you quarantine. you do not leave your room for ANY reason, especially if you have 1. MULTIPLE PEOPLE CAPABLE AND WILLING TO BRING YOU FOOD AT ANY TIME OF DAY and 2. A BATHROOM THAT CONNECTS TO YOUR ROOM. she came out and started yelling at us about abe, though neither of us wanted to fight with her (and there was no reason to fight about something we were CLEARLY right about). she said ‘YOU CANT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS’ which meant that abe can’t not use the livingroom and the hall bathroom (which we were saying he shouldnt do) and that he can’t be in quarantine with mia (stay with her in her room) but the thing is.... BECAUSE he has spent so much time with her, and because they weren't wearing masks when they were outside and BECAUSE he spent hours playing video games in the room that my sister has been quarantined in for a whopping two days--he now shouldnt ALSO be using our bathroom, because now we can get sick. (and probably fucking will!!!!) she is having him now stay in the office and use our bathroom (GREAT) instead of just biting the bullet and staying with her because he ALREADY HAD BEEN staying with her 

and now they are both in the kitchen :)! i can hear them from my room. great. 

anyway here r some sketches that i never uploaded before cause theyre hideous but im putting here because i hope to fuck no one actually reads this/scrolls down this far

#captain's log #it does not compute to me #that you can just be this fucking stupid #i hate her #i am SO fucking mad at her about this i dont want to live here :)

[excorcismic]

      ❛ remember the time . . . in SAN FRANCISCO ? with me by your side , in SAN FRANCISCO ? you are such a  s i g h t  , the deepest brown eyes , my dear . . . ❜

                                                                      ❛ MISA MISA !! ❜                                            playlist . plotting call . listen as you read !

the mirrors surrounding you did as they were meant to, reflecting back a spitting image of HIRAI MOMO  -  but it’s clear something is wrong from the moment that a vision of VALENTINE’S DAY , 2011 strikes you.  perhaps it was a passing daydream in the frenzy of the funhouse. you reassure yourself  -  you’re MISA AMANE ! ,  a TWENTY-FOUR YEAR OLD STREAMER / MUSICIAN whose virtue lies in your + LOYALTY & + OPTIMISM , although you’ve been told that you tend to be quite - NAÏVE & - IMPULSIVE ,  and you’re associated with BLACK PAINTED NAILS HOLDING A FOUNTAIN PEN , RUBY RED LIPS & EYES THAT MATCH , GIVING HIM YOUR EVERYTHING IN EXCHANGE FOR JUST HIS HEART by those around you.  suddenly,  however,  you’ve found LIGHT’S WHITE JACKET on your person - was that always there? from the moment you leave the funhouse,  memories from your life in DEATH NOTE have begun to return - leaving whoever you had been before in the mirror’s reflection behind you.  you can almost hear SAN FRANCISCO by THE DRIVER ERA following in your wake. ( she/her & demigirl )

                       this is the story of a very lonely girl .

I . WELL , LOOK AT YOUR WATCH NOW !

born in alucard , pennsylvania - misa amane was the child of celebrity parents who settled down in the small town . as of course , a TEMPORARY break . a director father and a failed actress mother , they were determined their daughter continue the legacy and turn into a star . and after a few good , normal years ( if ‘normal’ involved going to school & playing during the day then coming home to intense acting , singing , dancing practice ) , she managed to get wrapped into the world of stardom . 

first , it was through commercials . then , small parts in movies that called for cute little girls . then . . . a deal with a children’s network at age nine to star in a series about a child detective . affectionately called , THE MYSTERIES OF MISS MISA-MISA !

from nine to sixteen , she’d work tirelessly - becoming an instant hit the moment the pilot episode aired , selling merchandise all over the country and making appearances on other television shows . 

but then there’s the inevitable - kids start to grow up . the childish charm is lost & the children start to realize they were deprived of so much for the sake of fame . such things , like friends . and misa . . . although initially asked for a sequel series that would tackle the child detective now as a high schooler , declined in favor of going back home to pursue her high school years as a normal teen . of course - to the chagrin of her parents . she’d go back home to live with an aunt in alucard for a year , finishing her sophomore year , then her parents would follow - she’d move back in again at the start of her junior . and . . . it was not at all easy . considering a , she already had a reputation as a child star - which was equivalent to a target along her back . and b , the lack of friends was obvious - and even when she smiled at everyone , complimented their styles , helped them out with work she could assist with . . . most of the time , she’d sit by herself at the lunch table . or , with people that she didn’t know if they were actual friends or not . 

graduation comes , and misa amane stands to accept her diploma . there isn’t a graduation party ; she just sits in the back of her parents’ car , ready to go out to a fancy dinner she isn’t looking forward to .

II . YOU’RE STILL A SUPER HOT FEMALE !

BUT ALL HOPE IS NOT LOST ! graduation is the end of a chapter - and the beginning of the next rests in amane’s hands . three months pass , and once again the family puts pressure on her to go back into showbiz . it isn’t too late , you’re young & pretty - you’re meant for movies . but . . . misa , of course , refuses . she actually is looking into maybe making another name for herself . . . but in a very different way than her parents would hope .

it’s an argument . an argument about how misa has talent she’s ignoring & an argument about how her parents can’t control her forever . one friend she has sits in her truck in the parking lot as misa packs her bags , and the heated argument ends with the blonde girl slamming the door and her parents telling her to come back only when she has her head screwed on straight . but it’s fine . misa’s alright with this - she’s going to be a star in her own right , since a band she’s started playing in underground has just gotten noticed . YOUR FRIENDS & THE SKELETONS - a hard pop-punk band influenced by the likes of my chemical romance , paramore , two door cinema club , the 1975 , what have you . 

alucard is left behind when the recognition comes since misa amane needs the change of scenery . but that doesn’t mean she is gone forever , as sometimes the pursuit of other things only lasts for so long . 

III . YOU’VE GOT YOUR MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT !

the next few years are kind . the band experiences a nice success that means misa gets to live her dream - but she realizes the burnout when she looks back on everything she’s accomplished . the constant moving around , always only talking to the same few people or never anyone she gets to know - it registers that she’s still in some sort of box . and maybe a break from said box is needed .

your friends & the skeletons goes on a touring hiatus , retiring back to alucard . misa does not tell her family she’s going back - she doesn’t give a shit , and she doesn’t think they do , either . she gets an apartment by herself , and starts frequently streaming to still connect with her fans even though she’s taken a step back out of the spotlight . 

alucard is quiet . and alucard is home . but there’s a lot that misa again has to face .

she has a history here , yes - but nevertheless , there is still that feeling of loneliness . in every aspect - she never had many friends . little of her relationships lasted long , always ending with unrequited love , quick heartbreak , what have you . only her bandmembers did she have , even though she tried to throw herself at every friendly face she saw .

because she’s always been friendly . always a friend to everyone else , even if they aren’t a friend to her . only hoping maybe SOMEONE ELSE can see her as someone - begging to be somebody’s top-pick , somebody’s vip , somebody to someone . because her whole life she’s lived as only the bridesmaid , but never the bride in the eyes of those looking away from stardom . because it’s one thing to be adored by fans - it’s another to be adored by individual people .

IV . AND THEY’RE ALL WAITING FOR YOUR HOT TRACK !

nevertheless , amane is never one to give up quickly . because she believes that someday , maybe she’ll get what she wants . . . even though of course , when things go south , she still quickly accepts maybe she isn’t meant to be somebody’s someone . 

but she always smiles .

misa amane is one of a kind . she’s got so much love in her heart to share - she’s sensitive , maybe she gets hurt easily . maybe she’s IMPULSIVE and naive to where she bites off more than she can chew and believes things she shouldn’t . she jumps into things without realizing how much she could get hurt . talks without thinking . but she is friendly - she’s kind , outgoing , and cherishes those she admires even if they don’t cherish her back . her heart is forever on her sleeve , and all she wants to be loved . she’s been lonely for a long time .

she’s talented ! not only fronting her band with vocals & rhythm guitar , but also taking interests in visual art , crafting . aside from streaming , she runs a little etsy shop where she makes jewelry and keychains of her own little style . she of course can act , but hates it at this point . she also knows how to play the piano & the drums !!

she regularly streams for her fans - whether it’s to watch movies or shows with them or to play video games she has with them . she’s social , in that she always loves to talk to someone . her batteries recharge through social interaction , as an extrovert’s extrovert .

i wouldn’t say misa is stupid . she’s clever - witty . but sometimes she’s a little ditzy and acts without thinking ; i like to thing she did pretty well in school in terms of her grades , but her tendencies to both act and speak without thinking and sometimes forgetting simple things can give the impression she isn’t too smart . but she is ; just in her own special ways . she’s not dumb at all .

she also knows no fear - courageous to some points where it’s even dangerous . she regularly likes to go on adventures in the dark to investigate possible haunted areas , always is the one to kill the bugs when everyone else is scared , heights and the dark are never an issue . she also lives and breathes for the occult , heavily believing in everything supernatural . she even practices witchcraft ! 

also she's hardcore pan if u think misa is straight U Are Mistaken

it is almost a certain guarantee that misa amane is perhaps one of the friendliest faces in alucard . the one that only hopes you like her as much as she likes you . and maybe one day she’ll find that - until then , she will never stop persisting . she goes everywhere and she smiles at everyone ; a shimmer of sunshine in black platforms & cross earrings .

WHAT YOU WAITING - WHAT YOU WAITING - WHAT YOU WAITING - WHAT YOU WAITING - WHAT YOU WAITING FOR ?? . . .

                    . . .  holding on , i’m holding on to our story . . .

there is a girl . a very lonely girl . a very lonely girl that looks back at misa when she stares into the house of mirrors . and that lonely girl is a thought that misa can’t get out of her head , along with the newfound feeling that there is something - no , someone missing from her life that should be there . or was there . a missing piece that she doesn’t recognize . and the white jacket , a bit too big for her to fit , that appears on her person - the attachment she feels to it gives her security , like a safety blanket ; even though she has no clue where it came from , or who it actually belonged to . . . 

god i fried my own brain writing this but anyway HELLO EVERYONE once again i am hylia and . . . i have finally finished . my monster of an intro for misa . once again if u want to look at my plot/connection ideas pls click the plotting call link at the top of this post !! i love this girl to death and i hope u guys like her too c: bc she is my BABIE and i ,,, am so stoked to write her here . I’LL SEE Y’ALL WHEN I GET OFF WORK !! <3 

#i'm so sorry this got long and i hope . i am not forgetting anything . #i am just emotional abt miss misa misa god i ADORE her . . . #my bby girl... #again . quietly begs for more of the death note gang in the corner . #duality.intro #░ ★ abt . ❛ sʜᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡs sʜᴇ·ʟʟ ғɪɴᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ﹐ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ʜᴇʀ ɴᴏᴡ / misa amane #long post