#maybe he’s also aspec? I could see him being demi and only liking someone after getting a connection w them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

squidproquoclarice · 3 years

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Can you talk more about Demisexuality and Arthur in Sunrise? Am I right in saying Sadie is too? I’m not fully aware of what the term means but curious about it :)

OK, so for clarity: demisexuality is under the asexuality umbrella. It’s when you don’t feel sexual attraction except after a strong emotional bond (and even then it’s a maybe). I hear a lot of “Wanting to sleep with people you care about is just ‘normal’, it’s nothing special,” and that’s not really right. The difference between being demi and being allosexual but preferring emotionally bonded sex is that demis, like other asexuals, really don’t experience sexual attraction based on looks. In other words, they don’t ever look at someone and just realize, “God, I’d take them home in a minute, they make me horny.” Not to say they can’t appreciate a good looking person, but it’s like appreciating good looks in someone who isn’t your type. It’s aesthetic, not sexual. But they can (no guarantee, however) possibly develop that attraction for someone after getting emotionally close to them. That’s what’s called secondary sexual attraction. Let’s be clear--demis and other aces can have a sex drive/libido. They can masturbate. They can have sex, and enjoy sex. They can also do none of those things, and that’s valid too. But sexual attraction =/= sex drive. Aspec is more about not having a person or people there with whom you want to use libido. Here’s a quick, simplified comparison: “I’m hungry, and what I really want is a donut” (allo preferring emotionally bonded sex) and “I’m not hungry at all (ace) and “I wasn’t hungry at all, then I saw that donut and now I want it, but that’s the only thing that sounds good (demi)”. (NB: Any and all errors in explaining any of this are my own.) Turning to the Sunrise portion: I do write Arthur as very clearly demisexual, and I do see Sadie as being likely in that direction as well. Arthur, in contrast to numerous other men in the gang who show sexual interest even in more limited NPC roles (Charles, Javier, John, Sean, Micah, and Dutch for sure, others seem implied), shows pretty much zero interest all the hours we spend with him, despite ready and easy opportunities. I do think guilt over Eliza plays into it, yes, and there’s probably some element of self-punishment in the idea that he’s seemingly given up on romance, sex, and his dreams of being a husband and father. But that doesn’t feel like the only reason. There’s not really the tension of a man who’s chosen to be celibate but still has to fight against attraction and ready opportunities. The only clear craving we get from him is a very strong need for emotional attachment, for love. That really seems to point more to him absolutely needing, rather than preferring, that kind of intimacy first. Sleeping with Eliza certainly happened given Isaac, and the fact they almost definitely weren’t romantically involved doesn’t disprove Arthur as aspec. It could have been a youthful attempt to conform to the expected image of “manliness” by sleeping with her. It could have been, like I wrote, a very drunken night where he was pining for Mary after their break-up. For Sadie, her deep attachment to Jake is clear and emphatic. “We was always sweet on one another,” etc. From how practical and earthy she is, it’s not hard to argue she and Jake probably had a very fulfilling sex life. Yes, her grief definitely plays into that attachment. But that depth of feeling and fidelity to him, and how loyalty to those she loves is stressed as much in her char bio as Arthur’s, it also makes it easy to imagine her being demi herself, that she needs that partnership and intimacy to even be interested. Even in the Epilogue years later, we see no signs of her being interested in sex. Given as generally cool and distant as she is and how we see a fairly firm control of her impulses compared to 1899, she’d probably be capable of casual sex if she was interested at all. She’s living an unusual life where she’s living by masculine standards rather than feminine restriction, so I highly doubt she’d feel bound as a woman by the gendered double standard of chastity and refrain for that reason. She could easily argue that it’s not betraying Jake using the old argument that it’s not meaningful, it’s not making love, it’s just scratching an itch. But we don’t get that at all from her either. Again, like with Arthur, that implied tension of denial isn’t there. So you end up with these two bi demi dramatic disasters who do the “Haha, yeah we’re saying we’re so married so we can stay together here in a strange place” thing for a long time and keep getting closer and closer as they think admiringly about how much they depend upon and love each other as friends, and pretty much everyone around them believes they’re married because of that love. But again, zero sexual or romantic tension. They can share a room. They can touch and hug. They can talk jokingly without it being flirting. And to be clear, in different circumstances, they could very easily have continued like that for life and been queerplatonic partners, and been happy. I don’t buy the “beyond a certain depth of feeling it has to turn romantic” idea. Romantic love isn’t better or deeper or more “mature” than platonic. It’s just a different shading. But as demis, then you hit the point for both of them where that romantic and sexual attraction did happen to switch on. It’s not obliviousness to existing feelings and slowly overcoming that and realizing they’ve actually felt like that for a while. It’s more of a full-stop oh shit moment where something exists abruptly that didn’t before. They realize that they love this person in an additional way, and that the very comfortable enjoyment from being near them now suddenly has this facet of longing and excitement too. Hits harder too for that feeling towards someone being so rare in both of their lives. (And being the blessed idiots they are, panic ensues.)

#arthur morgan #sadie adler #rdr2 #sunrise ama #writing #fic from the parking lot #may the sunrise #aspec characters #demisexual #Anonymous

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tokyoghoulaspecs · 3 years

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Like I said in my last post, I’ve been putting more and more aspecs into my writing lately. This fic in particular is being written extremely scattered, so i have no idea when it’ll be posted, if at all. But I wanted to at least share the aspec bits I have written!

This time, it’s Hide’s segments!

(Word Count: 2200)

(Warnings for a brief scene of romance and lots of internalized aphobia/amisia)

[This takes place shortly after Dragon, while the ghouls are all still staying at the CCG]

“Um, Hide? Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Of course!”

“So, um, I was thinking about what you said...” Kaneki began.

“Which one?” Hide asked. So much had happened over the past few weeks, Kaneki could have been referring to literally anything.

“A-about... you liking me.”

“Oh.” Hide could feel his face heating up. He’d almost forgotten about his confession.

“And, I think I’d like to try? As long as that’s okay with you?”

Hide lunged and hugged him. “Of course it is!”

Kaneki hummed contentedly and hugged him back.

It was 3am, and Hide was awake staring at the ceiling.

He had forgotten the reason why he stopped dating in high school, why all of his relationships ended badly. Something was different about him — about his sexuality. Kaneki had just confessed and they became a couple, and already Hide could feel his feelings changing. Most people would write it off as anxiety, but Hide knew better. He’d felt this feeling before, and he knew what was happening. His romantic feelings were fading.

Hide groaned and ducked his head into his knees. “I was hoping I would be fixed by now.”

He had given up dating after he broke two people’s hearts. Two people that he had loved romantically, and even when his romantic feelings faded he still cared about, but the relationship became too much for him. Too many expectations, too many things he didn’t understand, and he had to end it. After not even a few months, going from passionate to repulsed, he unintentionally broke their hearts. And then they broke his when they screamed at him, accusing him of never loving them in the first place.

He had hoped that taking a long break from dating would fix whatever was wrong with his sexuality. He had loved Kaneki for so many years, with none of it fading, even when Kaneki went missing time and time again. Hide thought it would stay forever. But now that they were in a relationship, it was fading.

“Maybe I can hold on, and it’ll come back.” Hide said, trying to ignore the fact that he said the same thing in his prior relationships, and it had never worked before.

“I love you.” Kaneki whispered, nuzzling him before kissing him on the cheek.

Hide pulled away. “I can’t.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

Hide shook his head. “It’s not you. It’s me.” He grimaced. “I know that sounds cliché, but its true.”

“What’s wrong? I can fix it.” Kaneki reached out to take his hand.

“It’s nothing you can fix!” Hide snapped, yanking his hand away.

“Hide…?”

Hide stepped back. “S-sorry!”

“Wait, Hide!”

“I’m so sorry.” Hide ran off.

Hide tried to busy himself with CCG work, which Marude was more than happy to provide. It was boring, but gave him time to think, which he really needed. And after a while, he needed someone to talk about it with.

“Hey, Marude-san…” Hide began. “What are your thoughts on queer people?”

Marude laughed.

Hide winced and continued on his work. Maybe they could just pretend he never said anything.

“So you’re saying you’re queer too, huh?” Marude asked. “I guess I shoulda known, the way you talk about that one eyed bastard.”

Hide perked up. “Too?”

“Hm?” Marude looked at him. “Yeah. You’re far from the only queer person I know.”

“Really?”

Marude gave him a look. “Nagachika, you really think everyone is straight, in the entire CCG, all these years I’ve worked here?”

“Well, no, but…” Hide trailed off.

“So what are ya, then?” Marude asked. “I noticed you said queer and not gay.”

“I’m pansexual.”

“Which one is that?”

“It’s kinda like bisexual. Usually people use it to mean more gender-blind, whereas with bisexual there’s usually some internal difference with attraction to each gender. But not all people use it that way.”

Marude hummed and nodded. Hide was glad he accepted it at face value and didn’t try to pick it apart.

“But the past few days, I’m beginning to think I’m something else…”

“What, like you’re just gay or just straight?”

“Not like that.” Hide shook his head. “Like, an additional label.”

“Transgender?” Marude guessed.

“Not trans, but you’re on the right track on how trans is an additional label on a different axis.”

“Then what label are you thinking about adding? I’m at my limit of vocab here!”

“Aromantic.” Hide said, deciding to keep it as simple as possible.

“And that is?”

Here it comes…

“Not experiencing romantic attraction.”

There was silence. Hide braced himself.

“Romantic?” Marude asked. “So, wait. Separate from sexual stuff?”

“For me, yeah. But some other aros don’t experience sexual attraction either.”

Marude hummed. He seemed to accept it, but Hide couldn’t tell what he was thinking beyond that.

“So what’s the issue?” Marude asked.

“I can’t love.” Hide whispered. “And that’s scary.”

“Eh, love’s overrated.” Marude waved him off.

Hide sighed. He was glad Marude was being so accepting, and it was really nice to hear someone not put romance on a pedestal for once, but at the same time Hide wanted some validation for his fears.

“For so long now I’ve prided myself on being loving. And now knowing that I can’t… What am I now?”

“So was everything fake?”

“No. Yes? It’s complicated.” Hide groaned.

“Look, kid. You feel how you feel. You can’t force it or change it. And that goes for everything, not just sexualities.”

“I know.”

“You’re a sweet kid. It’s overbearing to me, but I appreciate that in a world so cruel, people like you exist. And from what I’ve seen, the care you show isn’t fake.”

“The non-romantic love? That’s not fake. But the romance? The crushes and flirting? It’s not fake but… it disappears. Way sooner than it should.”

“Disappears?”

“I think I’m, like, a subset of aromantic? I get crushes but they fade after I’m in a relationship. Way sooner than it should. I’ve been in love with Kaneki for years, but now that we’re a couple, that romantic attraction is gone.”

“That’s certainly a dilemma.”

Hide scoffed. That was an understatement.

“So what do you wanna do about it?” Marude asked.

“Huh?”

“Break up, or keep it up?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then just talk to him.”

“Huh?”

“I can’t give you any advice on the romance aspect, but you two have been through things much worse than relationship drama. Just talk to the guy. Can’t be any scarier than what you’ve gone through.”

“I’d beg to differ.” Hide muttered.

Marude rolled his eyes. “Even I know he’s not gonna get pissed and eat you.”

“Of course not! That’s not what I’m afraid of!”

“Then what are you afraid of?”

“I don’t want to hurt him.” Hide whispered. “Or make him think I hate him.”

“Just communicate with him. You can’t work it out all alone. You both need to work together, or else how do you even expect your relationship to work?”

Hide sighed. “...I guess you’re right.”

Akira huffed as she sat down next to him. “How do people deal with it?”

Hide gave her a look. “Deal with what?”

“Crushes!” Akira said, as if it was obvious. “They’re so distracting.”

Hide chuckled. They certainly were.

“I thought one was bad enough, but now I have two! Ugh!”

“Oof. That’s rough. I’ve been there.”

“Hey, you’re allo-romantic, right? How do you deal with crushes?”

“Huh? Allo-romantic?” Hide asked. He thought he was pretty well-versed in sexuality terms, but he hadn’t heard that one before.

“It means people who aren’t on the aromantic spectrum.”

“You’re aromantic?” Hide asked. He had known she was asexual for years, but he never knew what her romantic orientation was.

“Demi-romantic.” Akira explained with a nod. “Got my first crush at 20 on a friend, and now a double-whammy of crushes #2 and #3 at 25.”

“Huh.” Hide whispered. He was 22, and it was pretty incredible to imagine only having a single crush in that much time.

Akira-san is aromantic…

“Do you know a lot about aromantic terminology?” Hide decided to ask.

“I wouldn’t say I’m an expert, but I have been researching it these past few weeks. Why? What do you want to know?”

“I’ve been wondering if I fall somewhere on there…” Hide said.

“Really?”

“I’ve actually been wondering since high school, but its come back full force now.”

“What makes you think you are?”

“I get a regular amount of crushes, I think. But they, like… fade…?”

Akira hummed in understanding and nodded. “I do recall seeing a few terms like that.”

Hide’s eyes widened. “Really? More than one? Like what?”

“Um, off the top of my head I remember Aroflux, that fluctuates. Hold on.” She pulled out her phone and typed into it.

“Maybe, but that’s a bit vague…” Hide said.

“I know Grey-romantic can be used as an umbrella term.” Akira added. “Ah, here we go! Fray-romantic means you’re only romantically attracted to strangers, and it fades as you get to know them!”

“That’s close, but it’s not that quick. Well, maybe I can use it anyway.” He knew that a lot of queer terms had a lot of grey area to them.

“Oh, and there’s also Lithromantic, that fades at reciprocation!”

“Reciprocation...?” Hide asked, his eyes widening. “That’s… That’s it…”

“Ha, really? That’s awesome!”

“I got crushes and tried to date them, but once I was in a relationship my feelings would disappear. I tried to push on and fake it, but it didn’t work out and we had to break up. Eventually I just gave up dating entirely.”

Hide sighed and held his head in his hands.

Akira frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Kaneki.”

“Kaneki?”

“We just confessed to each other and started officially dating, and I can already feel it fading.”

Akira frowned, not sure what to say.

Hide laid down. “Who’d want to date me? A person who can’t love them back.”

Akira scoffed, laying back to join him. “What about me, huh? Someone who takes forever to like you back, and even then isn’t capable of sexual attraction.”

“You like Amon-san and Takizawa-san, right?” Hide guessed.

“Yeah. So what?”

Hide turned on his side to face her. “Well, Amon-san doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to care about that. And I don’t think Takizawa-san does either. If they really love you, then I’m sure they’d be willing to find a way to meet in the middle.”

Akira sighed, considering his words. Then she gave some of her own, “You know, you and Kaneki are really close. We can all tell. And I know Kaneki, too, and how he is. I’m sure he’d accept your aromanticism. Maybe you could even be in a non-romantic relationship with him.”

Hide blinked. Akira chewed her lip. They were both silent, thinking on each other’s words.

“You really think someone would be okay having a relationship without sex?” Akira asked.

“Of course.” Hide replied. “Do you really think someone would be okay with having a committed relationship that’s not romantic?”

“Of course.” Akira replied.

As he talked, Hide walked around the room, taking in the tiniest of details. And then he came across small pride pins, clipped to her bag laid in the corner.

“Is that what I think it is?!” Hide cried out.

“Huh? What is what you think it is?” Kimi asked, turning around.

“That!” Hide pointed to the pin that had gradients of greens and blacks. “Is that an aromantic pin?”

Kimi’s eyes widened. No one had ever recognized it before. Hardly anyone even recognized her bisexual one. “Yeah. I’m aromantic.”

“Wow.” Hide muttered. “And I know the bi one, but… what’s this other one?” He pointed to the one on the other side of the aromantic pin, the one with stripes making a gradient from pink to green.

“It’s aroflux.” Kimi said. “I fall in the grey area of the aromantic spectrum.”

Hide untensed his shoulders. “You know… I think I do, too.”

“Really?”

“I’m Lith-romantic, I’m pretty sure.”

“Neat! It’s always exciting to meet more aromantics!”

“You know others?”

“Nishiki-kun is arospec too. And I’ve helped a few other people question.”

“Nishio-senpai is too?! You’re in a relationship with another aromantic?! That’s amazing!”

“Tell me about it! It was just a coincidence! He didn’t know he was aromantic before I told him about aromanticism! Although, in hindsight I guess it explains why we fit so well together. We both have very complicated feelings on romance, that our previous partners never were able to grasp.”

Hide felt warm and happy, a sense of comfort and kinship coming over him. He often had a lot of internalized dislike of his aromanticism, but it was really nice to talk to someone who was similar — someone else who was on the aromantic spectrum.

Whenever he talked to other people — other allo-romantics, was the term Akira had used — they never grasped what he was trying to explain and always blew it off. As much as he liked people and socialized, he always felt a heavy disconnect from them.

And it suddenly dawned on him. He knew three arospecs so far, and Kimi had implied more.

#tokyo ghoul #aromantic #aro #lithromantic #demiromantic #aroflux #hideyoshi nagachika #itsuki marude #kimi nishino #akira mado #tg #lithro!hide #demiro!akira #aroflux!kimi #fanfiction #syn writes

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purplepersnicketywrites · 5 years

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7 PLEASE!!!!!

things you said while we were driving

👌👌👌

___

“Did you know that people like to talk about serious things during car journeys a lot?” Eijirou said, watching Bakugou from the corner of his eye. The blond didn’t take his own eyes off the road. “Something about the liminal nature of the car journey makes it seem like a safer time to open up about stuff. The conversation doesn’t exist in a physical place but no one can just walk away from it.”

“Liminal,” Bakugou snorted. “You sound like Kaminari.”

“Maybe I heard it from him,” Eijirou said.

Silence rolled around Bakugou’s car for a few moments.

“So, you got a serious thing you only want to talk about in a car?” Bakugou asked.

Eijirou fidgeted in his seat.

“Maybe,” he said, slowly. “Kinda.”

“Well- Fucking bastard use your indicators what the fuck- I’m all ears if you do wanna-”

“I’m gay.”

Eijirou bit his lip. Shit, he hadn’t meant to just blurt that out. His heart was pounding, he didn’t want his best friend to freak out or-

“Okay,” Bakugou said.

Huh. Eijirou turned to look at Bakugou properly. “Okay?”

“Uh, thanks for trusting me, I guess?” Bakugou said, glancing at Eijirou before turning back to the road. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re supposed to say about this stuff. Er, I support you? That shit.”

“Oh, thank you!”

Well, that had gone better than expected. A little awkward, maybe, but Bakugou definitely wasn’t freaking out. They were still friends. All was well. At least Eijirou hadn’t mentioned the enormous crush he’d had on the blond since like, forever.

Bakugou coughed. “So, I’m not exactly straight either.”

“Oh. Oh! I mean, uh, cool?” Eijirou said. “Or, thanks? You’re right, it is hard to know what to say.”

Bakugou snorted. “Yeah.”

“I support you, too.”

“You not gonna ask what I am, then?” Bakugou asked, looking over at Eijirou as they pulled up at a red light.

“That’s up to you,” Eijirou said. “I wouldn’t wanna, like, pressure you into telling me stuff that you don’t wanna tell me.”

“Fucking hell, Kirishima, you’re my best friend,” Bakugou said, the car jumping forwards as the light dropped back down to green. “What wouldn’t I want to tell you?”

Eijirou blinked. “Uh.”

“I’m ace,” Bakugou said. “Maybe aro too? Or something along that spectrum. I dunno. It’s weird.”

Well that was- Huh. Eijirou nodded. “Alright.”

“Ugh, that’s enough ‘serious’ shit for one drive,” Bakugou said, voice gruff.

Eijirou couldn’t help but agree.

___

“Stay in the fuckin’ lines!” Bakugou hissed.

“I am in the lines,” Eijirou shot back, steering the car around the corner. “Like, distinctly within them!”

“Then slow d- Shit!” Bakugou scrabbled for the handle thing on the car’s ceiling. So dramatic.

Eijirou shook his head. “Dude, you’re really bad at being a passenger.”

“Fuck you!”

“Bro, I’m sticking to the speed limit, im in all the right lanes,” Eijirou said. “I’m driving fine, you’re just a control freak.”

“When we get to the stupid restaurant after the thing,” Bakugou said, pressing himself back into the seat. “I’m gonna disembowel you.”

“That might make it hard for me to eat anything.”

Bakugou grumbled to himself and swore again when Eijirou braked for another car pulling off to a side road.

“What, you wanted me to run into his back?” Eijirou asked.

“No, you moron! You’re just braking too hard!” Bakugou snapped.

Eijirou rolled his eyes. “The interview is gonna go fine, man, you don’t need to drag me into your panic spiral.”

“Oh yeah, coming from the most sociable guy in the world that really means a lot,” Bakugou grouched. Wow, he was really turning up his Absolute Dick levels today, huh? “And I’m not panicking, dipshit. I just don’t want you to total my car.”

“Mmhm, sure,” Eijirou said.

“Don’t ‘mmhm sure’ me, asshole,” Bakugou said. Eijirou was sure his friend would be scowling fiercely at him but he knew if he took his eyes off the road to check he’d get yelled at even more. “I know where you live.”

“I know where you live,” Eijirou said. Just a few steps down the hallway from his own room, to the left. “Oh, speaking of, I think the front door needs oiling.”

“What, again?” Bakugou huffed. “I swear there must be someone with a rust quirk or some shit targeting our- Hey! Don’t fuckin’ distract me.”

Eijirou sighed. “Damn, and it very nearly worked.”

“Fuckin’, freeloading piece of- Ugh,” Bakugou growled. Real pleasant today, huh?

“Freeloading? Dude, I’m paying for the fuel to get you to this thing, and I’m paying for our meal afterwards,” Eijirou said. “That’s like the opposite of freeloading. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Bakugou groaned like the over-theatrical diva he was. “Don’t use that fucking baby shit on me.”

“Don’t get so fucking snippy, then,” Eijirou barked.

Bakugou fell silent at that, and they drove on in uncomfortable quiet.

“Sorry,” Bakugou muttered after a few minutes. “I am panicking.”

“You know you don’t have to do this,” Eijirou said.

“You know it’s like- It’s fuckin’, solidarity or whatever,” Bakugou said, voiced toned down.

Eijirou grinned. “Yeah.”

“Hey, you remember your weird ‘serious car talk’ thing from a couple months ago?” Bakugou asked.

Eijirou nodded.

“That was kinda the first time I told anyone,” Bakugou said. “Now I’m telling the whole fuckin’ world.”

“You know what that is? Growth.”

Bakugou snorted. “Man, shut up.”

“Seriously, dude, I’m proud of you for doing this,” Eijirou said, chancing a glance at his friend. Bakugou was looking away out of the side window and the tips of his ears were pink. Eijirou lookedback at the road. “Did you pin down anything more specific than aspec, or…?”

“Demi. Uh, demiromantic demisexual,” Bakugou said.

“Yeah?”

“Pretty sure, yeah,” Bakugou said.

Oh. Well. There were potentially some pretty big implications with that, weren’t there? Not that Eijirou really wanted to assume, but… He wanted to assume. If Bakugou was attracted to someone close to him, there wasn’t really anyone closer than Eijirou, right?

“Nice,” Eijirou said. It probably wasn’t the right time to say anything right now. Maybe at the restaurant? Or on the drive home? “It’s- I’m glad that you know who you are, Bakugou.”

Bakugou snorted. “Alright, that’s enough serious talk.”

“Too right,” Eijirou said, pulling into the car park outside the building Bakugou was having his interview in. “You’re gonna do great, man.”

___

“Hey,” Bakugou rolled the window down to scrutinise him. “You look like shit.”

Eijirou didn’t doubt it. Set him up against a villain or a point him at a civilian in need and he’d come out of work at the end of the day a little tired but fulfilled.

Present him with a stack of paperwork? Beaurocracy was the true villain.

“One of those days, I had to do maths,” Eijirou sighed, moving around to the other side of the car to get into it. He slumped down into the seat and closed his eyes. Bakugou called him a baby for complaining about it sometimes, but that was probably fair.

“Seatbelt.”

“I’m like, the one person who’d survive going through the windshield.”

“Yeah? And I don’t want your spiky ass smashing through my windshield, thanks. It’s also the law. Seatbelt or we’re not moving.”

Eijirou cracked his eyes open to put the seatbelt on with a huff and a groan. “Fine, fine, I’m ready for your magical mystery tour now. You gonna tell me where we’re going yet?”

“Nope.”

“I just wanna know if I have to socialise with people,” Eijirou said. “If it’s like, a party? I might just stay in the car, take a nap on the back- Bakugou why is my suitcase on the back seat?”

Eijirou stared at it. Definitely his - it was a pretty distinctive shade of red. Bakugou laughed from the driver’s seat.

“You think I’d willingly go to a party, Kirishima?” Bakugou asked. Well, no, that wasn’t exactly Bakugou’s style. Eijirou watched Bakugou put his car into first and frowned to himself.

“Are you kicking me out of the apartment?” Eijirou asked. He didn’t think it was very likely, because if Bakugou had any issues with him as a roommate then he’d definitely have brought them up before now.

Bakugou shook his head. “What the fuck? No. My stuff is in the boot.”

“So… We’re going somewhere?” Eijirou frowned some more. “For how long? Wait, what about the agency?”

“Two weeks, and I cleared this time for us ages ago,” Bakugou said.

“You did?”

Bakugou nodded.

Huh. Eijirou hadn’t seen it on the calendar - had Bakugou purposefully kept this a secret? A… holiday? For the pair of them? Eijirou could feel his heartbeat pick up a little.

There weren’t many things in life that Eijirou regretted, but falling asleep in the car on the way back from the restaurant after Bakugou’s coming-out interview was on that list. It sort of felt like he’d missed his chance to ask Bakugou out.

He’d been dithering over trying again ever since. A holiday, though, that was- It could be the perfect time to say something.

“Okay.”

“That’s it?” Bakugou asked. “Okay? No wheedling away trying to convince me to spill?”

Eijirou grinned. “Nope.”

“You don’t even know if we’re driving there or taking a plane,” Bakugou said. “You’re normally infuriatingly curious.”

“Oh I know we’re not gonna take a plane, you’d be way more stressed,” Eijirou said.

Bakugou grumbled under his breath.

Eijirou snickered behind one of his hands. “Besides, I trust you, man. You’re not gonna go anywhere we’d hate so I’m happy to wait for the surprise!”

“That’s sappy, fuck off,” Bakugou complained, but Eijirou could see the tips of his ears turn pink. It made all the butterflies in Eijirou’s stomach go wild.

“I’m always sappy,” Eijirou said, watching the side of Bakugou’s handsome face.

Bakugou flicked a glance at him. “I guess I don’t hate it.”

“Ha, high praise indeed!” Eijirou grinned and closed his eyes. He probably needed that nap, anyway, and-

“I like you.”

Eijirou’s eyes snapped open. “What?”

Bakugou’s shoulders were hunched up, his ears had changed from pink to bright red, and he was biting his lip as if he hadn’t intended to say that.

“You heard me.”

“I did, uh,” Eijirou floundered for a moment. “Good. Great! Same here! I mean, I like you, too, not that I like me. Uh, not that I don’t like me, but I don’t like me in the way that I-”

“Kirishima,” Bakugou said, voice warm, and Eijirou’s jaw clacked closed at high speed.

“It should probably be Eijirou,” Eijirou said, watching Bakugou’s shoulders relax.

“Eijirou,” Bakugou said. Or Katsuki, maybe? Whatever, it sent shivers down Eijirou’s spine either way. “Date me.”

Eijirou laughed. “Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Best serious-talk ever.”

Katsuki was grinning now, too. “When we reach where we’re going I’m gonna wanna kiss you.”

“Oh yeah?” Eijirou asked, tilting his head. “Funny coincidence - I’m gonna wanna kiss you back.”

___

“Can I serious-talk?”

“Ugh, fine.”

“Just wanted to tell you that I love you.”

“Again? Wow. Gross.”

“Katsuki!”

“Heh, you know I love you too, Eijirou.”

#kiribaku #bakushima #fanfiction #my fanfiction #drabble #ask meme #reply #anon

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being-demisexual · 4 years

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~5/5~ My whole ask is a big mess but really firstly I just wanted to thank you for being here and then I thought it could be nice to talk a moment with my situation and know we are here with a lot of questions...? I'm sorry! ;_;

~4/5~ I only want to add that I don't have a father figure because most men from my family are jerks and my parents aren't happy in their marriage and if I had loving family and decent relationship with my father I still... could be in ace community? I wonder how much my childhood created "me" and the fact this male character seems to have opposite character of my father is just, this is idea is dumb I KNOW THIS AND still, I feel that I'm not really an ace?

~3/5~ Like he is even nice looking man? Yes, fandom call him a hot character(still for me he is just beautiful?? Does it make sense?), yes he is just a character but still?? I even start think about that getting a boyfriend could be nice? Still no for romantical things??? At least not for a start, like a few months, I think? I never was in relationship with anyone, though I just wonder if I could be a demi? A demiromantic maybe? Is it a thing?? I don't really know...

~2/5 Like normally I don't want to date anyone but if it could be a person as him I think I could hesistate to say "no"? Especially if he doesn't ask to go out from the start and let me to know him better? I don't know how it could be with kissing and stuff, but maybe, really maaaayyyybe it could happen with him if we could know each other for long time? And I could just trust him?

~1/5~ I want to thank you for being here as asexual spectrum blog!

Sorry it took me so long to answer this! Real life kind of caught up to me and I had to prioritize some other things. Hopefully I can help you out a little now, though.

In regards to your question about how much of our childhood governs our development as adults, I wouldn’t worry too much about whether your family situation has any bearing on your place in the asexual community. While its true that our childhoods form a foundation for our later world views and the creation of the person we want to be, this doesn’t mean that we are strictly products of our childhood. People can grow up in environments where the adults in their life hateful bullies who aren’t very tolerant of any who defies their narrow world view and still become kind, caring adults. Some of this is an active choice on their part, seeing their parents and thinking “I don’t want to be like them” but some of it may simply be that they are naturally a kind, loving person, and it doesn’t take them much work at all to turn away from their upbringing. Likewise, someone could grow up with wonderful parents and a stable home life and turn out to be a mean, grumpy person. Again, some active choice there, but they also may just be grumpy.

Translating that to sexuality: You may have a horrible father, and your experiences of seeing an unhappy, strained marriage may guide your thoughts on what to implement in your own relationships, but that doesn’t mean that this made you asexual. No matter the upbringing, you would have been asexual, but how the role your sexuality takes in your relationships is an active choice on your part. Maybe if your parents had been kind and loving you would have been more adventurous and open to beginning new romantic relationships, but you would still have been asexual. Somethings in life are not a choice, and some things are. Sexuality is not a choice, the way you implement it in your life is.

In regards to your question about a fictional character that you are thinking you might be attracted to, its perfectly normal to use fiction as a way to explore facets of yourself that you don’t feel comfortable enacting in real life. Fiction allows us to view ourselves many different ways without actually changing anything. Using fiction to view yourself as a delicate princess, as a motorcycle riding badass, as an emotionally distant hero, and as a fun-loving sidekick in turns allows us the opportunity to try on all these different hats to see which one fits the best before ever employing anything in real life. Using fiction to explore attraction, like what would make an ideal partner both in terms of aesthetic attraction and what you would want from a partner emotionally is totally normal.

You can use fiction to explore any potential attraction you may have. Did you become invested in this character only after a long time? When the character showed many emotional moments on screen and you felt connected to them in that way? You may be demisexual or demiromantic, where attraction (either sexual or romantic) only forms after a close, emotional bond develops. Did they walk on screen and you instantly thought they were hot but would never go out with them until later? Maybe you’re demiromantic, but not demisexual. Did you think that you should be attracted to this character only after listening to several people online express their desire? It might be worth considering that you are asexual and attempting to force yourself to experience attraction in an attempt to feel normal.

In any case, the aromantic/asexual spectrum has a space for you however long you want it. If the aspec label makes you feel comfortable and happy right now, but later you learn something else is a better fit, great! We’re happy that you felt comfortable enough in our community to explore and learn about yourself. If you take up the aspec label and never let it go, awesome! The community welcomes you in with cake and hugs! It doesn’t matter about your upbringing or your process of self-discovery including some type of attraction, all that matters is that you are brave enough to explore a fundamental part of who you are, and that’s truly awesome! I hope this helped!

#answered

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classic-queeries · 7 years

Text

Holden C*ace*field: Asexuality and Representation

Some background: At the end of my junior year of high school we read Catcher in the Rye in my American Lit class. A friend pointed out a quote to me and said “hey, Holden kinda seems asexual to me.” I hadn’t been particularly interested in the book before she pointed it out, but once I read the quote I saw what my friend saw. Further reading absolutely convinced me that Holden was demisexual.

My English teacher however, did not have the best history with queer coding. When we read The Great Gatsby many in my friend group were convinced that Nick Carraway was gay. When one friend brought it up in class, however, she got shot down almost immediately. The teacher only brought up queer coding once, in reference to The Scarlet Letter, saying that Chillingworth was gay because there was subtext that he sexually assaulted Dimmesdale. Which, if you’ve read the book? Not the conclusion I’d jump to. He kept using the words “homoerotic subtext” which also did not sit well with us.

Needless to say, I did not bring up my demi-Holden theory in class. I did not want to deal with the teacher shutting me down like he had my friend. So instead, after AP tests and I’d handed in my last major paper for the year, I wrote an essay. Full semi-formal style, MLA formatting, definitions of everything, multiple sources and examples all correctly cited. Nothing he could fight me on.

And you know what he did? He fought me on it by throwing my argument back at me without the label. What followed was a few days of me stomping around, ranting to my friends that had helped me with this about how he wasn’t listening to me. I stopped the communication after a few back and forth exchanges. I was getting nowhere.

I’m still proud of the essay. I would classify it as one of the better things I’ve written, simply because it was an argument I actually cared about. So I’d like to share it, share why I relate to Holden even in a small way, because maybe it’ll help someone else.

–Mod Sherlock

When I first ran across the word asexual I didn’t think it applied to me. But it turns out whatever definition I had read was wrong. Asexual simply means that one does not experience sexual attraction. I’ve come to terms with that, and embrace my being asexual, or ace, proudly. You’ll see me down at Pride in June having fun with my friends, decked out in purple, black, and white. Problem is that not many people know about us. The last GLAAD survey had aces as about four percent of millennials (Accelerating Acceptance 2017). That is a bigger estimate than the last one we had at one percent back in 2004.

Of course, asexulaity is kinda an umbrella term. That GLAAD survey involves aces, demisexuals, and graces. I myself identify as asexual because I cannot conceive of what exactly sexual attraction is. People look at someone else and go, “I’d hit that,” or they appear in sexual fantasies? I literally cannot make sense of it. Many people have tried to help, none succeeded. I know a few people who identify as demisexual, which means that they only experience sexual attraction to someone once they form a deep emotional bond. They have to be dating the person, or close friends, or any other number of meaningful relationships, before they experience sexual attraction. There are others who identify as grey-asexual, grace, which means that they have only limited experience with sexual attraction. They may only experience it intermittently, maybe only once or twice in their life. This differs from demi in that they may experience it without the deep emotional bond. Asexuality is best thought of as a spectrum. The ace spectrum is from allosexuals, those who do feel sexual attraction, to aces, with demi and graces somewhere in the middle (AVEN).

The fact that we don’t experience sexual attraction doesn’t mean that we aces can’t have meaningful relationships. The split attraction model (SAM) is about the difference between sexual and romantic attraction. People can have two different orientations for different attractions. I have several panromantic asexual friends, who experience romantic attraction to all genders, yet no sexual attraction. There are homoromantics, biromantics, heteromantics, every sexuality has a romantic equivalent. This of course includes asexuality as well; those who don’t experience romantic attraction identify as aromantic. I identify as an aromantic asexual because romance is an enigma. Like, what the hell even is romance? Going out on a date with someone? Movies are more fun with more people, why not bring a couple friends? Ice cream or food? How is that a date? Romance is entirely dictated by societal norms and I, for one, am tired of it. Why should I be expected to date anyone if I don’t want to? And why is it that everytime I walk home with a male friend I get people asking me if we’re dating the next day and every time I think “oh my god no we’re neighbors he’s gay and I’m aroace what the flippity fuck people.” But I digress.

The SAM stems from the fact that there are many different types of attraction, some of which are easy to confuse with sexual attraction. Sexual and romantic attraction exist and are often conflated. A common attraction variation for aces to use is aesthetic attraction, which is simply thinking that someone looks nice. I can think that someone looks pretty in a military dress uniform without being sexually attracted to them. In addition there is sensual attraction, which means that someone experiencing it wants to interact in a tactile but non-sexual way. For instance, Carrie Fisher? Was very huggable. Both aesthetic and sensual attraction are extremely easy to confuse with sexual attraction and are often so intertwined that a person cannot tell them apart. Sensual has a sexual connotation for some people but i’ve never seen it used in a sexual way. In addition, I know that before I realized I was ace I would categorize who I considered ‘sexually attractive’ by who was aesthetically pleasing and just called that sexual attraction.

Enough with the SAM, though we’ll get back to it. A common misconception about asexuals is that we don’t have sex as a rule. That’s blatantly wrong, that’s the definition of celibacy. We have different levels of comfortability with sex. Some are sex-positive, which means that they enjoy or even want sex. Others are sex-ambivalent, meaning that they don’t particularly care either way. Still more are sex-repulsed, which means that they viscerally consider sex gross and do not want to participate in it or even talk about it depending on the extent of their repulsion. Like everything, this is a spectrum. Allos can also have these opinions on sex, they are not limited to aces.

The major problem that most asexuals face is ignorance. The estimated number of asexuals was so low in 2004 partly because there just isn’t wide enough knowledge about us. That number rose three percent in the past thirteen years in part because AVEN, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, was formed and started to help spread word. Yet we are still ignored and pushed aside, even pathologized:

“….because sexuality is taken for granted as necessary to normalcy and normative bodies….asexuality is and has been historically diagnosed as a problem in need of medical reress and treatment….[the DSM has] “hypoactive sexual desire disorder” (DSM-III-R 1987)….”female sexual interest/arousal disorder” and “male hypoactive sexual desire disorder” (DSM-V 2013). Such labels indicate that low levels of sexual desire were seen by sexology and continue to be regarded by scientific medicine as ‘unhealthy’ and abnormal, reflecting more broadly on society’s negative attitiudes toward asexuality” (Przybylo 186).

Sexual attraction is so pervasive in our society that when someone doesn’t feel it they’re treated like they have a mental illness. I’m sure there are more examples of this, but I don’t have the stomach to go looking for more. I had to talk myself out of looking through the DSM for myself, I don’t need to find more examples of bigotry and prejudice.

Even so, I find unintentional (I hope) examples of aphobic attitudes in my own classroom. Calling sexual attraction “normal” hurts. That tends to imply that anything against the norm is bad, to be shunned and destroyed. I’m reminded of a song by my favorite band, called “We Are the Others,” which has the lyrics: “Normal is not the norm/ It’s just a uniform/ Forget about the norm/ Take off your uniform/ We are all beautiful”(Delain). “Normal” is not a thing. Everyone is weird to someone else, but that doesn’t give one reason to be a bigot.

On top of this ignorance is the fact that erasure is so common in what little media we have. There was a recent TV show based of a series of comic books from Archie called Riverdale. One character, Jughead Jones, was an aroace in the comics (Riseman). In the TV show they erased Jughead’s aromanticism by placing him in a clearly reciprocated relationship with Betty, and his asexuality is up in the air, but likely erased as well (Alexander). Riverdale is just one of a few that erase ace identities. Most a-spec characters are in obscure books that you would never hear of if you didn’t go looking for them, or in webcomics which are unlikely to gain a mainstream audience. There has not been a mainstream confirmed ace character. Ever. This erasure and ignorance is what makes headcanons so important. I headcanon many of my favorite characters as ace because I relate to them so well, so why shouldn’t they share my sexuality as well? That’s why when I find a character that has a wealth of canon evidence that they might be aspec, I find the bandwagon and start driving.

So when I realized that Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye might be asexual I hopped right onto that bandwagon and hit the gas. It was actually one of my friends that pointed out that Holden might be asexual. I read the quote they sent me, and immediately poured myself into the book. I kept notes on everything that Holden did, everything he said, that seemed like he might be aspec to me. As I read I related more and more to Holden, and I am convinced that Holden is aspec. I propose that Holden is a heteromantic demisexual who, having never seen the terms, confuses sensual and aesthetic attraction for sexual.

Before I get into the meat of it, let’s clear up one thing: asexuals can still get aroused. I mean, it’s a little hard to have sex without that and some of us do have sex no matter what some people seem to think. There is an important distinction for aces, however. In her article “Introducing Asexuality, Unthinking Sex,” Ela Przybylo writes that “Scholars who study the physiology around asexuality suggest that people who are asexual are capable of genital arousal but may experience difficulty with so-called subjective arousal. So when the body become aroused, subjectively-at the level of the mind and emotions-one does not experience arousal”(183). This is a very important distinction. Aces may have general arousal, but we have nothing to direct it at. Our mind is separate from our body in this case. There’s one line in Catcher about Holden feeling horny: “After a while I sat down in a chair and smoked a couple of cigarettes. I was feeling pretty horny. I have to admit it” (Salinger 63). This is after he walks into the hotel and sees several indiscrete people doing rather sexual acts on the balcony. What strikes me about this is that, despite feeling some general arousal, he just sits down and smokes a cigarette. This may be just me misunderstanding, but people do not just sit down and have a smoke when horny? That doesn’t seem like something an allosexual would do. In addition to that, Holden does not seem to be reacting to a particular instance and has nowhere to direct his attentions. His body may be reacting to the ‘perverts’ on the balcony, but his mind is completely clear. Holen is not experiencing subjective arousal. As stated above, this is generally an ace thing.

Another very ace thing Holden does is hire a prostitute then ask her to talk with him, not have sex. In general, when one hires a prostitute, one does so for sex. Holden goes into the fiasco with the thought: “I figured if she was a prostitute and all, I could get in some practice on her, in case I ever get married or anything. I worry about that stuff sometimes”(Salinger 92). This on the surface seems like a typical thing for a young adult to worry about, but, really? Who the hell worries about sex? Holden goes into this so objectively, thinking about getting married in the future and getting practice on her. This is a typical thing for a confused ace who has no idea that they are ace to worry about. After he thinks this the prostitute, Sunny, shows up. They talk for a bit and then Holden is very surprised when Sunny just up and pulls her dress off: “…she stood up and pulled her dress over her head. I certainly felt peculiar when she did that. I mean she did it so sudden and all. I know you’re supposed to feel pretty sexy when somebody gets up and pulls their dress over their head, but I didn’t. Sexy was about the last thing I was feeling….Boy, was I feeling peculiar….All she had on was this pink slip. It was really quite embarrassing” (Salinger 94-95). Yes, Holden, according to societal conventions one will supposedly feel horny when met with a mostly-naked person of the opposite gender. But people go against those societal conventions all the time. Asexuals, for instance, would not feel ‘sexy’ when met with a naked girl. Holden’s peculiar feeling may be the fact that he doesn’t know Sunny, and thus has no chance of feeling sexual attraction towards her. It may also be caused by possible sex repulsion of some degree when faced with someone he doesn’t know. This is, of course, ignoring the fact that he hired a prostitute then proceeded to ask her to just have a conversation with him. That is such an ace thing to do I mean, come on, who would do that.

Even more critical beyond Holden’s uncomfortableness when faced with sex, is the fact that he self-admittedly doesn’t get what sex is all about. Contemplating the people doing ‘crumby’ stuff on the balcony of the hotel he’s staying in, Holden thinks:

“Sex is something I really don’t understand too hot. You never know where the hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I break them right away. Last year I made a rule that I was going to quit horsing around with girls that, deep down, gave me a pain in the ass. I broke it, though, the same week I made it - the same night, as a matter of fact. I spent the whole night necking with a terrible phony named Anne Louise Sherman. Sex is something I just don’t understand. I swear to god I don't”(Salinger 63).

Holden’s opinion on sex is that it’s confusing. He just simply doesn’t understand how to go about it. He makes himself rules for gods’ sake. He doesn’t understand why people do the do, why people go beyond ‘necking.’ Sex is so centralized in our culture that for an ace person, navigating the world is a problem. Centralization of sex in culture includes the beliefs that sex is needed for romance, the act of sexual intercource is key to adulthood and maturation, and sex is important for a healthy life (Przybylo 181). The key bit here is that Holden seems to believe that he should want sex with people, but he doesn’t understand sex. The centralization of sex confuses him and he ends up reaching for ways to make sex make sense to him, like a set of rules that he immediately tosses aside. He ends up doing the same thing that many aces do before they realize their sexuality: pretending just to fit in. He hires the prostitute because he thinks that might help him with his sex game. He feigns a desire for sex as real life aces often do: “As one participant from a study on asexual masculinity discusses, as an adolescent he had to “play along” with his male friend who “were all into porn mags” and checking out girls, feigning a desire for sex in order to fit in but ultimately “los[ing] out socially because…. A lot of social activities seem to be … centered around sex (Przybylo 2014:229)”” (Przybylo 188). Holden doubts that everyone has these desires and questions people that have sex just for the hell of it. He tells Carl Luce during their conversation: “[i regard sex as] a physical and spiritual experience and all. I really do. But it depends on who the hell I’m doing it with. If I’m doing it with somebody I don’t even-….This is what I mean though. I know it’s supposed to be physical and spiritual, and artistic and all. But what I mean is, you can’t do it with everybody-every girl you neck with and all-and make it come out that way. Can you?”(Salinger 146-147). Holden sees people like Stradlater going and having sex with basically random girls just because they want to. He sees them doing it with girls they’ve only known for a couple hours, and questions, “you can’t do it with everybody?” He simply doesn’t see how people can just essentially randomly hook up and have a desire for the other person. This is a very common thing for aces to question. How do people just hook up if they don’t even like the other person? What underlying attraction is there? Don’t you have to know the person? The concept of a one-night-stand doesn’t exist to many aces.

This brings me to my crowning jewel: Holden basically explicitly states that he is demisexual. Just after the previous quote, while he’s talking to Luce, Holden says this: “You know what the trouble with me is? I can never get really sexy- I mean really sexy- with a girl I don’t like a lot. I mean I have to like her alot. If I don’t, I sort of lose my goddamn desire for her and all. Boy, it really screws up my sex life something awful. My sex life stinks”(Salinger 148). Holy. Fucking. Crap. That is the definition of demisexuality. Holden only has desire for a girl when he “likes her alot.” Demisexuality is only experiencing sexual attraction when a deep emotional connection is formed. Holden just almost explicitly said he’s demi. To back me up even further, I sent this quote to a few ace friends with the caption “if this isn’t aspec then idk what is.” Their responses: “HECK U RIGHT,” “Wow that’s practically explicit,” “If you can’t see the ace-ness inherent in this you need to get your eyes checked,” and “That’s one of the most canon ace things I’ve ever read and [I’m] willing to throw down with both teacher and author in the parking lot over this” (Fuck Yeah Asexual). If I have friends, demi friends who know the definition and use it all the time, willing to freaking fight Salinger and my teacher over this, you know it’s good.

Part of the reason that my friends may be so willing to fight people for Holden to be demi is that we have basically no representation in popular media. I found a total of five major canon ace characters in pop culture when I went looking. Every single other character I found was minor or from something that hasn’t inundated pop culture yet. Of those five, only two explicitly used the word asexual. Luffy from One Piece is commonly believed to be asexual, as is Maya from Borderlands 2 (SBS Volume 54, W.). One of these is a manga, the other a video game. While they do have very large audiences, neither character is confirmed ace in their media, purely by the creators word. Todd from Bojack Horseman is asexual as well(season four ep 3). Raphael from Shadowhunters is ace in the TV show, and aroace in the books, and I already mentioned the fiasco with Jughead (“By the Light of Dawn”, Alexander). Because we have so little representation, interpretations of famous literary characters like Holden as aspec really helps with overall awareness of the ace community. Awareness is coming around, slowly but surely, but every little bit counts.

So I will fight for ace Holden. I will drive this bandwagon right over anyone who objects, throwing my heaps of evidence and definitions out the windows. Maybe I’ll wrap the definition of demisexuality around my little crowning jewel and lob it at anyone who wants to fight me. Y’all are entitled to your opinions, but if you come say I’m wrong and ‘ruining books with my queer characters’ you’re gonna get a great big ball of demi-Holden evidence thrown at you. And I’m gonna wrap it all up nice and pretty in the demi flag.

#asexual #demisexual #literary essay #we're here we're proving they're queer #ace #demi #ace spectrum #mod sherlock

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