I haven鈥檛 been able to stop thinking about this since @witchysolfan made a joke about Solar as Circe in her next Epic animatic. So I finally just scribbled it out. Solce be upon ye.
she asked me about my age/pet regression last night and now everything feels different and she probably thinks im gross and pitiful and she probably doesn't like me and she probably doesn't want to be around me anymore,.
why do i feel worse than when i was regressing secretly? isnt being open supposed to be a good thing? isnt vulnerability supposed to be freeing? why do i feel so disgusted with myself for coping in a way that is healthy and that helps me understand my emotions, and what kind of emotions i'm experiencing? why do i hate myself for being me? now i have to talk about when im regressing and when i'm not and i have to explain everything and now i have another thing to have anxiety over, that's actually supposed to have the opposite effect. regressing was good.... in private... without eyes, without ears, without judgement. and now i've ruined it again. i've ruined everything. everything is fucked up because of me. again, and again, and again.
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Trying to pin down the way I see the differences between Eclipse and Solar鈥檚 models for A Chance for Redemption. You can pry Solar鈥檚 timbs from my cold dead hands.
(Also ignore the fact that Eclipse is naked I wanted to figure out how their primary and secondary colors transfer to their legs. Also also don鈥檛 look at his hands and feet I gave up lmfao)
i hate hate hate stress induced paranoia. what do you mean when i feel Negative Emotions for just a little too long, i start to believe that i can't say anything REAL OR TRUTHFUL because everyone will think im a liar fake phony manipulative evil bitch and obviously anything nice anyone tells me is a lie and theyre just saying that to appease me and they don't wanna tell me that they hate me and hate how needy i am and they hate how sensitive i am and they hate how emotional i am and
one of the only things that's ever stopped me from writing fic is how upset some people get when characters are a little out of character. like i totally get it, 100%. i don't like it when they're not in character either. but this also makes me very afraid of mischaracterizing anyone and therefore i simply do not write any