#my favourite dysfunctional family | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Premium Tumblr themes are available from anywhere between $9 to $49.

#my favourite dysfunctional family

aimbutmiss · 4 months

Text

*Mihawk and Zoro arguing, Mihawk trying to give advice and Zoro being a little shit*

Zoro: Yeah, thanks dad.

Mihawk: ... Do you see me as a father figure, Zoro?

Zoro: ... It was sarcasm.

Mihawk: I'm flattered.

Zoro: >:(

Mihawk: I've never had the opportunity to have and bring up children of my own, and perhaps that's a good thing. I doubt I would be able to provide a good fatherly presence in their lives. But spending time with you and Perona on this island has been an eye opening experience. I'm... glad that I decided to take you both in.

Perona: Awe, look at you pouring out your emotions. Wait- is it the end of the world?

Zoro: Where the hell did you come from?!

Perona: I'm always listening horo horo horo

Zoro: Get away from me, weirdo!

Perona: Don't need to tell me twice! You smell like beer and week-old sweat! Tell him to take a shower, dad!

Mihawk: ...I take everything back. I regret everything.

Zoro: Thank fuck. I was too sober for an emotional confrontation anyway.

#my favourite dysfunctional family #mihawk is trying his best #zoro is not having it #one piece #roronoa zoro #dracule mihawk #one piece perona #perona #one piece zoro #zoro

161 notes · View notes

eyeinthemirror · 2 months

Text

Epistemology be like:

You know everything.

You know nothing.

You do not know enough.

You want to know all that there is to know.

You are content with what you know.

You know things now that you were never meant to know.

You know too much.

You refuse to admit that you still know so little.

You know less than you did before.

…

Knowledge is laughing at you from the sidelines, a bowl of popcorn in hand. Wisdom is nowhere to be found. God is currently doing paperwork.

#knowledge #philosophy #epistemology #theology #wisdom #the study of knowledge #philosophy student problems #omniscience #omniscient characters #fictional characters #tropes #fictional tropes #someone please draw anthropomorphised versions of Knowledge and Wisdom #like The Endless #my favourite dysfunctional family #I don’t know #HA literally #random thoughts

11 notes · View notes

lucreziaborgiagf · 3 months

Text

i almost feel bad for wiggly imagine being an all-powerful eldritch being of darkness and you’re constantly stuck mediating your brothers breaking each other’s toys

#my favourite dysfunctional family #wiggly: ok pokey please apologise to tinky for killing his pet human and making him do a musical #tinky: TWICE #wiggly: yes. twice.#starkid #the lords in black #the guy who didn't like musicals #tgwdlm #t’noy karaxis #pokotho #wiggog y'wrath

18 notes · View notes

musicals-and-mushrooms · 28 days

Text

just rewatched encanto and its still incredible i still cried but OH MY DAYS THE FLASHBACKS FROM MY CAMILO PHASE I WAS THERE IN THE TRENCHES HE WAS MY JACK FROST HE HAD 4 MINUTES AND 52 SECONDS OF SCREEN TIME I KNOW THAT BECAUSE I WATCHED THOSE 4 MINUTES AND 52 SECONDS RELIGIOUSLY ALL MY FRIENDS WERE SO OBSESSED WITH HIM ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY

I WAS TRYING TO ENKOY THE MOVIE BUT EVERY TIME HE WAS ON SCREEN I WAS HAVING A CRISIS BECAUSE I REMEMBER THE ANNOTATIONS THAT EVERYONE HAD FOR EVEY SECOND LIKE HES SO SILLY GOOFY HE JUDT WANTED MORE FOOD 🤪 HE WAS DONE SO DIRTY IN THE INTRO SONG HE DESERVED MORE LINES HE DESERVED MORE SCREEN TIME IN GENERAL😭😭 MY POOR BABY BOY OH NO HES HURT 🥺🥺 YOU CAN SEE HOW HE WAS RUNNING TO PROTECT MIRABEL DID YOU KNOW THAT IN THE ORIGINAL SCRIPT THEY WANTED CAMILO WHEN HE LOSES HIS POWERS TO BE COMPLETELY UNRECOGNISABLE BECAUSE HE DIDNT KNOW WHO HE WAS ANYMORE AFTER THE SHAPESHIFTING😥😥 AWW HIS LITTLE FACE HES TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR THIS WORLD🥰 HE HAD THE BEST PARTS IN WE DONT TALK ABOUT BRUNO DID YOU KNOW HIS VA RHENZY FELIZ WAS SO SCARED THAT THEYD HIRE A NEW VOICE ACTOR BECAUSE HE HATED HOW HIS VOICE SOUNDED!!! LOOK HOW GENTLE HE IS WITH MIRABEL WHAT A GENTLEMAN!!! LOOK HOW HE IMITATES HIS DAD!!! LOOK HOW I COMFORTS HIS MUM!!! LOOK HOW HE PLAYS WITH HIS BROTHER!!!! LOOK AT HIM!!! LOOK . AT . HIM .

#I am having a moment here okay is this what its like to cringe at your past self #Like i still stand by the fact hes cute but OH MY DAYS I WAS SO OBSESSED #encanto #camilo madrigal #Encanto in the year of our lord 2024 no way #Its still my favourite disney musical though #Helped me realise my family was a bit dysfunctional #Not as much as the madrigals but yeah its definitely there #Haha fun time #robyn rambles

7 notes · View notes

nikatyler · 9 months

Text

My mother has seen Interview with the Vampire and idk what to do with that information

#i mean it makes sense #she was like?? 20 when the movie came out??#but it seems Wrong #wdym you know my favourite dysfunctional vampire family #nika rambles #also it's my mum's birthday tomorrow

12 notes · View notes

slimeybones · 10 months

Text

I feel bad for all the people who recently followed me for fnaf because they're about to be hammered with Gorillaz content

#Unless they're okay with me talking about my favourite dysfunctional family. That's ok too

0 notes

inkykeiji · 1 year

Text

where are all my fellow cinephiles!?

did u guys see the asteroid city trailer yet!?!?!?!? oh my god i am so excited i’m shaking!!! it looks so good, i’m already so in love with the colour palette and the set design waaah (´∀｀)♡ the dialogue is so wes anderson it almost feels like a parody of wes anderson HEHE but the premise and plot seem super interesting! i really love stories where a group of people (usually oddballs or opposites) end up stuck together in a contained space; i feel like there’s so much you can do with that and it really allows you to dig into your characters and their relationships with both themselves and those around them. i can’t wait to see what he does with this!!! also, aliens.

#aliens are always super cool #and i love astronomy so i’m extra buzzing over this hahaha #ah wes my beloved <33333 #for anyone who doesn’t know my cat is named after wes anderson #i love his work with all my heart it’s so near and dear to me #he is one of my favourite filmmakers of all time #his work def isn’t for everyone because it’s so stylized like it just isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but !!!! if you haven’t seen any of his #work and you’re interested i HIGHLY recommend it #especially the darjeeling limited + fantastic mr fox #those are my faves #AND THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS #HELLO INCEST LMAO #dysfunctional and found families are huge themes in his work so!!! if you’re into that he may be for u!!!#also his films are such eye candy ugh such a treat <3 #clari chatters #clari chatters film

0 notes

stellar-skyy · 2 months

Text

FAMILY (OF SORTS) — Platonic Fatui Harbingers & reader.

i. SUMMARY: The Fatui Harbingers have a soft spot for Arlecchino's child. ii. CONTENT WARNINGS: None! iii. NOTES: STRICTLY PLATONIC, headcanons, fluff, parent!arlecchino, house of the hearth!reader, all of the harbingers are reader's weird aunts and uncles, gn!reader, they/them pronouns used, 1.6k words. iv. A/N: the fatui are just a dysfunctional found family and i will die on this hill. shoutout to @romaritimeharbor for listening to my rambles about this idea 🫶🫶 also pierro and pulcinella aren't here because i could not think of anything to write for them :')

All of the harbingers knew about Arlecchino’s child; the one that appeared in Fatui Headquarters stuck to her side, eyes cast to the floor. They all saw the way that Arlecchino had held a soft grip on their shoulder, guiding them through the halls with the gentle touch of a parent from the gentle hands of a monster.

The Knave always swore she didn’t play favourites, but from an outside view it was clear that they held a special place separate from the rest. Anyone could see the way they appeared so much more frequently by her side. They were permitted to sit in on meetings, following her like a shadow. Some of the Harbingers guessed that she had picked them to be her successor; that their frequent shadowing was training them to take over once she was gone. Others joked about Arlecchino’s apparent soft side taking over. Whatever the reason, time went on, and the Fatui saw more and more of them.

All of them varied in their opinions of them—some indifferent, some fond—but the Harbingers all cared for them in their own ways.

⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Columbina simply adores them. They’re just so small and cute, so tiny and fragile! Admittedly, her idea of ‘tiny’ is rather skewed—applying to anyone she deems weaker than her (notably, this label also gets given to Capitano and Tartaglia, despite their larger size and physical strength. The Damselette is truly an enigma.)

Whenever Arlecchino allows her to watch over them, she is delighted. She has a penchant for pet names, so ‘angel’, ‘my sweet’, and ‘lovely’ are all more commonly used than their name. Sometimes there’s a ‘baby’ or ‘bub’ if she’s feeling particularly affectionate, but no matter the name, it is always dripping with sweetness. She’ll sing to them too, to calm them down or get them to sleep. Her voice is gentle, laced with as much love as she would show her own child.

Some Fatui believe Columbina is a woman formed from hollow sweetness; that behind the lazy smile and soft voice, lies a callous and unfeeling heart, but her insistence on singing them to sleep comes from a place of genuine affection.

When they have to return home, she’ll kiss their cheeks and sweep them into a hug, making them promise to visit her soon.

⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

The fact that Arlecchino would tear out his throat with her bare hands if he dared to look at them the wrong way is the only thing stopping Dottore from roping [Name] into one of his experiments. Even then, he can’t help but investigate them a bit. Nothing extreme—please put the knife down, Knave—just some simple trials to see how they work. A quick strength assessment, a test of their reflexes, enough to judge the effectiveness of the House of the Hearth’s training.

The segments all had different opinions of them, varying from Prime’s general indifference to some of the younger segments fondness towards them. The latter were less likely to try to trick them into the lab—not that Arlecchino would allow them anywhere near it without strict supervision—and instead focused their efforts on convincing them to help mess with the rest of the Dottores. They proved to be an excellent partner in crime to thoroughly ruin the older segment’s day.

Despite his assertion that he won’t harm them, Dottore tends to be the one Arlecchino trusts least around her child. His unwillingness to get on her bad side doesn’t stop her from insisting Columbina or herself accompany them whenever they visit his lab.

⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Tartaglia loves them. The days he gets to see his siblings are few and far between, so he’s always eager to play the older brother for them, and for any other House of the Heath kids that stop by. In fact, whenever any of the children visit, he makes sure to buy them plenty of sugary treats and candies before quickly sending them back to their Father.

(Arlecchino was not happy the first time this happened. It didn’t stop him from doing it every time, though.)

He was the first to convince them to call him Uncle, a feat that he bragged about to the rest of the Harbingers. This small incident would inadvertently lead to a petty competition to see who their favourite is, an event that would quickly spiral out of control with bribery and promises coming from all sides.

⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Sandrone is very particular with who she allows in her workshop. When the rare guest was allowed inside, they had to follow three simple rules: do not touch anything, do not move unless I tell you to, and do not talk to me while I work. When [Name] first stumbled into the room, she was prepared to discourteously shoo them out the way she did whenever Tartaglia poked his head in to see what she was working on. But after some extensive begging, she relented and sat them down in a corner to watch her work.

Even if she is far less fond of them as some of the other Harbingers, she still audibly squeaked the first time she was called Aunt Sandrone. This was covered up with a cough, but nothing could stop the warmth blooming in her chest. It was the first time a living creature had addressed her with such a familial title; some of her synthetic creations had a habit of calling her Mother, but this was a living, breathing person.

After they started calling her that, she quietly told them they were free to visit when she was working—provided they did not interfere with anything.

⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

As much as he denies it, Scaramouche has a big soft spot for kids. He’ll swear up and down that he doesn’t care for them at all, but he treats them noticeably gentler than he treats any other member of the Fatui. Arlecchino once caught them huddled against him, using his wide-brimmed hat to shelter from the rain. She never let him forget that moment—the fearsome Balladeer, who notoriously never let anyone close enough to touch him, allowing her child to use him as an umbrella.

They remind him a little too much of the young boy he once considered his family. Whenever he spends time with them, there is something inside that both urges him to protect them in the way he couldn’t protect that child, and warns keep them at arm’s length before they betray him too. But his endearment towards them prevailed, and he begrudgingly allowed them a place in his heart.

Unlike Columbina’s affectionate pet names, the only nicknames Scaramouche gives them are ‘kid’ and ‘brat’, depending on his mood. On good days, they might even get called by their name, though it is a rarity. He cares for them, truly. In his own, strange way.

⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Capitano is the best at giving advice out of all the harbingers. He is much more down to earth than Columbina and Dottore, and far less cynical than Scaramouche and Sandrone. He’ll let them ramble about their frustrations freely before offering gentle suggestions on what they should do to help. Even if they aren’t looking for a solution, he’s patient enough to hear out their thoughts, however jumbled and incoherent they may be.

He also likes teaching them skills he deems important for a young person to know. These include cooking—Tartaglia is not allowed to join them in these lessons after he almost burnt down the kitchen trying to ‘help’—as well as sewing and mending clothes.

⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Pantalone never would describe himself as parental. He never cared too much for kids; he hadn’t enough patience to deal with constantly crying babies or needy toddlers. Arlecchino’s child was thankfully far above that age, so they were less unbearable to deal with.

He was quite happy to spoil them with extravagant gifts and treats to win their favour, but the most effective way he does so is simply spending time with them. Trips to luxurious restaurants for lunch, allowing them to shadow him while he works. He also likes to give them advice—completely unasked for—about life, and relationships. Unlike Capitano however, his advice is of a much less helpful; he has a habit of advocating for blackmail for solving problems.

In exchange for a box of the most expensive pastries in Teyvat, he got them to call him their favourite uncle in front of Tartaglia. The miniscule dent in his funds was worth the look of betrayal on the younger Harbinger’s face.

⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Signora easily took the longest to warm up to them. When she first met them, it was easy enough to label them as Arlecchino’s brat and move them from her mind. But they kept appearing, in and around the headquarters. At first they were always glued to the Knave’s side, but eventually Signora began to see them wandering alone through the halls. She took note of them—not out of any attachment to them, only out of self-preservation knowing that if Arlecchino found out her child landed themself into trouble while she was close by, it would be her funeral soon.

The sense of obligation faltered when she started to grow fond of them. They were irritatingly innocent, a rarity within the Fatui. Something about the spark in their eyes reminded her of when she was young—when she still had warmth in her heart and blood in her veins. For the first time in centuries, her frozen heart began to thaw with care towards another person, and begrudgingly, she began to accept that they were not as unpleasant as she once believed.

reblogs and comments are appreciated! ♡

811 notes · View notes

i-cant-sing · 6 months

Note

We wants more todoroki clan one shots

Hmmm okay but imagine reader being Fuyumi's daughter and you are obviously adored by everyone in the Todoroki fam but one person in particular just has that special bond with you-

Dabi.

It's that uncle-niece bond that he holds so close to his heart, absolutely spoils the hell out of you and is ALWAYS in competition with his brothers for "favourite uncle" ever. Like Fuyumi may have given birth to you but you were Dabi's baby 1000000%.

In his eyes, you can do no wrong. You had him wrapped around your little pinky the moment you opened your eyes and stared at him, your eyes wide and animated as they stared into his very soul (and then at Fuyumi, looking at her like "mom? Who is this man wrapped around my finger?").

Casually drops in by Fuyumi's House (she never gave him a key, and she's stopped changing locks over and over because Dabi just breaks in anyways) and steals you from the crib. If he's in a good mood, he might leave a note that he took you and not a kidnapper.

I think Dad Dabi and Uncle Dabi are pretty much the same except Uncle Dabi is a lot more lenient with tge rules than Dad Dabi, like unless you're doing something that would actively result in your death or harm, Uncle Dabi would allow you to do whatever you want. Like Dad Dabi wouldn't ever allow you to date, but Uncle Dabi....

Are you allowed to date? NEVER. Will he kill your s/o if you do find one? Not unless he hurts you or upsets you even slightly, then it's game over for him.

I also think that Uncle Dabi would act more like a sassy mother at times, especially if its like the principal told you to bring your parents and you called Dabi instead of Fuyumi, and Dabi is immediately slamming the door in as he struts in and starts lying on his ancestors that you are the most innocent child ever who's never done anything wrong in her life, might as well call you little miss Virgin Mary because that's just how pure and naive and kind you are and that he'll be suing the principal- NOT THE SCHOOL, but the principal personally and the principal just pulls up a tape of you punching a kid in the throat and Dabi just looks at back you like-

"Should've went with an uppercut like I taught you last week-"

"Mr Dabi!"

Dabi just sighs. "Right. I'll talk to her, but can I get a copy of that?"

And then there's just Fuyumi who is scolding both of you, directed mostly towards Dabi than you because Dabi likes to take blame for a lot of things on your behalf and also because Fuyumi knows that Dabi's been teaching you to do stupid shit.

If you think about it, Uncle Dabi acts a lot like fun wine aunts, like he's drunk before any formal family dinner and he's always bringing the best gifts and jokes and makes the whole situation lighter with dark comedy while the rest of his family sit in uncomfortable, painful silence. But you? Oh you couldn't tell the difference for YEARS because Uncle Dabi was just that good at distracting you from his dysfunctional family to give you the happy childhood he never had🥰

#yandere bnha #bnha headcanons #yandere mha #bnha imagines #yandere dabi #yandere todoroki clan

444 notes · View notes

heraxic · 13 days

Note

Hello :o

I just wanted to say thank you (and also thank crumb) for getting me back into thinking about Karl Heisenberg 24/7.

I really love your artstyle, from the amazing expressions (especially the peeved/angry ones) to the scribbly lineart. As someone that’s trying to learn to draw more digitally, I really like to observe your stuff o.o

Your Moldy Family comics are funny, cozy, sweet and comforting all at the same time, and they made me discover and appreciate Eveline (oh man I love how much of a goth tween she is), and the way you draw Heisenberg (his physicality if that makes sense, his clothes, his hair, his everything) is just *chef’s kiss*.

As a former Greek Mythology child, that AU is so so nice owagh. I love all the monster adaptations/designs, it’s all so clever: I love that Kyril is scaley, hairy AND has wings (which I feel aren’t depicted often nowadays with gorgons), Alina is so majestic, with the black tipped limbs and the blood soaked dress, and the daughters being harpies/sirens(?) is also so perfect.

Idk if you’ve already said it, but what is it about Karl’s character that made him interesting to you?

I hope it makes sense (I’m a bit tired) and thank you again for the excellent food :]

Thank you so much!!!<<<3333

he lives in my head rent free…. his crusty-ass hair and barrel-shaped bod gets me every time

im glad you like my scribbly lineart! I tend to get concerned whether it really looks like anything haha

I miss drawing the mold family but i think my forte has always been fantasy, especially cause i love mythology more than anything. That’s not to say i wont go back to the modern mold family though

For greek au karl i wanted him to look like someone had haphazardly stuck animal parts to him so it’d look deliberately unnatural for him to have a relatively normal human body under all that-

I’m not sure i can fully describe why Karl is so interesting. Surface level, being voiced by Neil Newbon is always a big plus and his face model Joel Hicks is awesome-looking. His character design matches his abilities and personality really well, and speaking of personality, queer-coded villains who make a big show out of everything are always going to be my favourite. His gritty, masculine aesthetic is really inspiring in terms of gender as well. On a deeper level, in spite of all the terrible things he’s done, i find him sympathetic and relatable. After decades spent in a highly dysfunctional family, not living on his own terms, completely alone, I need him to finally be okay and get better for his own sake, with the support of people he trusts. It’s the same reason i love Eveline. Morally dark-grey characters who deserved better and could’ve gotten better with a good support system.

#thanks so much for asking!#i hope i answered well enough #im not really good at putting thoughts into words #ask #re8 #re8 karl heisenberg #re8 heisenberg #fanart #my art #sketch

304 notes · View notes

neymarsangel · 11 months

Text

Pushover - Joao Felix x reader

Joao Felix x female!reader

Summary: The anger started when Joao overheard you and Mason discussing his relationship. The brunette tells you he hates you with every fibre of his being but a run-in with your ex during a match suggests something else. After another argument, he corners you in the bathrooms at the end-of-season awards to show you his true feelings.

Warnings: Cheating (ish), smut, unprotected (please wrap before you tap it), angst, swearing

Word Count: 5.3K

—

To put it plainly, Joao Felix was a pushover and it wasn’t just you who saw it, the whole Chelsea team did. Everyone had heard the rumours about him and his girlfriend, she’d cheated on him multiple times and yet he still forgave her, again and again… and again. He wasn’t exactly hard to look at either so you really couldn’t work out why he didn’t just dump her, anyone who was cheated on deserved better, especially Joao.

Working for Chelsea’s media team meant you saw hundreds of women come and go when it came to the lads, some you missed and others you didn’t. But even if you liked the girls or you didn’t, you always supported the boys. After all, they were like family to you, a dysfunctional one sure, but a family.

“I still can’t see why he’s with her…” Mason flashed Joao girlfriends Instagram your way. The pair of you sat at lunch together, he was busy stalking whereas you were attempting to meet a deadline. Glancing over you caught sight of his phone screen.

“I would say money but he’s fine in that department.” You replied, not caring about those around you who might pry an ear into your words. “Maybe he’s lonely.” Your eyes never left your laptop as you continued to work.

“Considering he spends most of his time with us I think he’s fine there.” Mason spared you a glance.

“Any of you ever spoken to him about it?” You asked, your eyes now looking at his phone. “Maybe that’ll sway his mind.”

“Maybe you could talk to him.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Maybe he needs a new woman to catch his eye.” Your eyes met Mason’s as he sent you a suggestive glance.

“I’d rather not.” Your eyes darted back to your laptop screen.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t date pushovers.” As you finished speaking a sudden slam on the table caught your and his attention. Joao was standing before you his face smoothed with rage as he slumped down into the chair opposite you. His eyes burned holes into your skin as he spoke.

“What are you working on?” He asked as if he hadn’t heard your entire conversation with Mason.

“Just a graphic for the game against Liverpool in a few days…” Your eyes were glued to his, you wanted to rip them away from his gaze but you were stuck like a deer in headlights.

“Hmm… are you planning to meet your ex after the game?” You nearly choked on his words.

You’d had what those would describe as a summer fling when he was at the England camp and you’d been asked to cover some work due to having minimal at Chelsea because of the summer break. It wasn’t a relationship, you wouldn’t even consider him an ex-boyfriend more just someone you used to sleep with. Only a few of the lads knew about it, Mason and Ben being the main two you’d told after you and Trent decided a relationship wasn’t in the cards for you.

Your glared at Mason who was now trying to hide himself behind his phone screen. “Did you tell him?”

“It may have slipped out… but it wasn’t just me! Ben was speaking about it too!”

You pulled your eyes away from Mason to focus back on Joao. “He isn’t my ex and my love life doesn’t concern you-”

“But mine concerns you.” He had a point. Could you really tell him he had no right to question you when you and Mason were spending your lunch discussing his love life?

“If anything we’re looking out for you.”

“By implying that I’m a pushover?”

“Her words, not mine!” Mason raised his hands in defence.

“Well, you do keep going back to someone whose favourite hobby is to publicly cheat on you.” You stepped in.

“At least someone wants me enough to be in a relationship, Trent clearly didn’t want you around.”

“Your girlfriend cheats on you if that’s what ‘wanted’ means I’d rather be alone.”

“She does have a point.” Mason looked between the two of you. “Look mate we just want the best for you -”

“You might be she doesn’t!” Joao looked at Mason as he spoke. “Ever since I joined she’s had it out for me!”

“That isn’t true!” You defended yourself, your tone turning sour.

“My first game and you couldn’t stop talking shit about me!”

“You got sent off in your first match meaning you couldn’t play for weeks! This season has been shit for Chelsea and the man they thought would be their knight in shining armour embarrassed them all!”

“We all make mistakes y/n, clearly you made one with Trent. Maybe if he wanted you, you wouldn’t be moping around with an ‘embarrassing team’.” He smirked at his words, something you couldn’t believe he even had the balls to do after looking at the state of his situation. Before you could even reply Joao grabbed the last of his lunch and stormed out of the lunch hall.

“Well…” Mason watched as Joao left. “That went well.”

“Why did you tell him about me and Trent?” Your brow arched as you spoke to the brunette.

“Look I’m sorry y/n, it just came out during training. You know I like to give Trent a hard time when we play after what happened between the two of you, I know you liked him too.” Mason gave you a sympathetic look as you tore your gaze away from him.

Mason had a point, part of you did wish it had worked out with Trent. Over the summer you’d spent every single day with one another and he treated you like you were his girlfriend. He showed you off to the guys and you’d even met his family but only days after the two of you had left the England summer camp he was pictured with another girl outside a club. Any hope you had of the two of you ever picking things back up was shattered the second you saw that photo. Mason and Ben were the only two who knew your feelings towards him but little did you know the two of them had let your true feelings slip to Joao.

—

You found yourself nearly missing the team bus to Liverpool. You clambered on just in time only to find that the only free seat was next to Joao. Everyone’s eyes drifted to you as you awkwardly wished a seat would randomly become free but your prayers were left unanswered.

“Do you want the window seat or the aisle seat?” The brunette spoke up, slicing through the tension.

“I- I don’t mind-” The last thing you wanted to do was to capture more attention on yourself.

“You can have the window.” Grabbing his phone and bag he stood up, towering over you as he let you slide in next to him. You didn’t need to meet his eyes to know he was staring as you slotted yourself into the window seat. You cleared your throat as you pulled out your laptop and started to work on something to distract yourself from the situation before you.

“What are you working on?” His question caught you off guard, after what happened a few days ago you never expected him to attempt to start a conversation with you.

“Just some plain graphics for the game.” You turned your laptop screen to him. Joao moved his head to get a better look at your work. “I leave the background blank as the photographers send us pictures throughout the game that we can put there and the numbers where the score would be are always left blank as we obviously don’t know what the score will be.” You looked over at him, your heart jumping as you realised he was already looking at you.

“Is that what you mainly do? Graphics?”

“Partly, I’ve filmed videos for the social media accounts, interviewed, edited, written captions, tweets, and even detailed a few apologies for some of the lads before. It’s basically a bit of everything.” You gave him a light smile.

“How long have you been working here?”

“Started stewarding when I was eighteen and then when I was twenty I finally got a chance to work full time with the media department so a few years now.” You were beyond confused as to why he was suddenly so curious about you. “Why do you ask?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Just thought if I have to be stuck with you for hours on end that I might as well start a conversation rather than give you the cold shoulder for the journey.”

“I thought you hated me?”

“I could say the same about you.” He glanced over at you before pulling out his AirPods. “Convinced you wanted me to fail-”

“I wouldn’t say fail… more hated the way you dealt with things.”

“Well, I hated the way you spoke about me.”

“That’s fair…” You looked up at him to be met with his smirking grin.

“Want one?” Offering you one of his AirPods with his cocky grin you took one and thanked him. He started playing music as he watched you work. The coach was quiet the most you could hear was the occasional chat from the lads and the typing of a few colleague's laptops. “Do you ever stop?” Joao asked out of the blue?”

“It’s hard to.” You spared a glance at him. “We don’t just post things we also have to monitor comments, unfortunately, a lot of football fans believe they have the right to abuse players and discriminate against other fans that aren’t like them. Not all fans are like that though, most of them really do care about you guys.”

“You can tell.” He smiled. “I’ve never heard so many chants about different players.”

“If you like it now then imagine what it’ll be like if you guys start winning.” You smirked at him which earnt you a laugh from him. Attempting to hide a yawn you finished your work before putting it back in your bag.

“Is that why you were late?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you oversleep?”

“That amongst other things.”

“Like?”

You knew he wanted to keep the conversation going so the pair of you didn’t descend into madness during the long journey. “My cat-”

“How can a cat make you late?” He shifted in his seat so he faced you, clearly intrigued by your story.

“Well the last thing I do before I leave is feed my cat -”

“What’s your cat called?” He asked.

“Frank.”

“After Lampard?” His face swelled with amusement.

“When I moved out my best friend got sick of me complaining about how much I missed my cats that lived with my parents so she decided to get me Frank and because I work for Chelsea she named him after Lampard, fitting now he’s taken over as a caretaker manager.”

“And how did he make you late?” His smile grew.

“As I said, the last thing I do before leaving is feed him. I was in my uniform and I was putting his food into his bowl when he jumped up and the food went all over me and well… I’m not exactly coming in smelling like tuna.” Joao couldn’t help but laugh at your words, catching the attention of Mason who was attempting to hear what the two of you were discussing.

“Well,” He shifted in his seat again before patting his shoulder. “My shoulders here if you want it.”

“You’d shrug me off just as I fall asleep.” You narrowed your gaze at him.

“I’m a prick but I’m not that bad.” A small smile fell on both your lips.

“Fine.” You didn’t want to argue, not again.

You knew you and Mason were in the wrong discussing his relationship but he was also in the wrong when he hit back at you with comments about you and Trent but you didn’t want to dwell on what happened any longer. You let your head fall on his shoulder, you felt Joao warm to your touch as you got comfortable. Mason couldn’t believe his eyes at what he was seeing, he couldn’t help but nudge Ben several times in the ribs to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.

Before you knew it, Joao was gently nudging you awake and the gates to the Liverpool ground were now behind you. You thanked him one last time before handing his airpod back to him. You left him with the rest of the boys as you followed the rest of your media colleagues towards the dugouts and journalism area. Everything ran smoothly despite your horrific morning, Joao was in the starting eleven which gave you the green light to use him as the main poster boy to announce the team news although you would’ve definitely picked Reece James if he wasn’t so nice to you.

In the Liverpool line-up was Trent but that didn’t surprise you. When the teams came out of the tunnel for the match Trent looked up to the journalism area. His eyes met yours and sent you a wink and a smirk, an expression that caught the attention of Joao. He knew how you felt towards Trent after the England Camp and he knew his expression was just a way to get to you after the press continued to pit Chelsea and Liverpool against one another after their horrific seasons.

The first half had ended goalless, Chelsea had a few decent chances, especially Joao but he was yet to get the ball in the back of the net. Within ten minutes of the second half, you watched Joao say something to Trent which had clearly rilled the scouser up. Trent shoved Joao and he quickly retaliated, shoving him back and shouting back at the man in red. The referee quickly ran up to the two of them whilst their teammates pulled them apart. They both received a yellow card and the game resumed.

You watched Joao carefully, wanting to tell him to lay off Trent because knowing his luck he’ll end up getting another yellow which will lead to a red. As if he could read your mind Joao eyed as Trent was given the ball, without thinking Joao threw himself at the lad, studs up causing Trent to fall to the ground in pain. Joao got up and yelled something at him as he clutched his ankle in pain. He stormed off, he knew it would be straight red. Liverpool fans booed and screamed at the Chelsea boy. The travelling Chelsea fans couldn’t believe what they’d seen, two red cards and he hadn’t even played a full season.

Joao stormed down the tunnel and threw the door of the changing rooms open before slumping down on the bench where his stuff lay. You excused yourself from the media spot before jogging down to the changing rooms after Joao. You opened the door to see him throwing his boots across the floor. His eyes met yours as you walked into the room.

“Haven’t you got graphics to make? Posts to make about me getting a red -”

“Why did you do that?”

“Do what? Get a red or put that prick in his place?” He huffed before continuing. “I saw the way he looked at you when we came through the tunnel. He was being a prick, Mason told me -”

“What did Mason tell you?” You snapped, your eyes glaring at the man.

“He told me you liked him and he treated you like you were his girlfriend then after deciding he didn’t want you he ran off with another girl.”

“I’ll kill him-”

“It’s not his fault, I asked what had happened. I shouldn’t have pressed him but I did.”

“Well, maybe Mason should keep his mouth shut.” Your eyes were still fixed on his. “And you should too, what did you say to him?”

“I didn’t say anything to him.”

“Don’t lie to me Joao, I saw you said something to him when you two got your first yellow cards.”

“It was nothing -”

“What did you say to him?” Your voice grew louder. “Joao-”

“I told him I was glad he didn’t want you because if he stayed with you then I wouldn’t get to hear you moaning around me every night.” He looked proud yet embarrassed at his words. He knew it would rial Trent up but he also knew a cheap joke at your expense would also piss you off.

“You’re not fucking serious.”

“y/n I’m sorry I -”

“Look I know I was a dickhead to you a few days ago but I was still right, you are a pushover, you even let Trent push you around all because he looked at me?” You stepped closer to him. “How did you ever make it professional when someone who looks at me pisses you off?”

“He made you uncomfortable, I wasn’t going to let it slide.”

“If it made you that annoyed you couldn’ve dealt with it off the pitch. The fans don’t deserve this and neither do the rest of the lads, it’s not fair!” You took a deep breath. “Why the sudden need to be a hero? I don’t need you to fight for me and make up something that would never happen between us -”

“You know all I was trying to do was to be nice!” He stood up and walked over to you, his breath on your face and his voice raising in aggression. “Most people would thank me for what I did.” He looked down at you. “You really think that wouldn’t happen between us either?” He now smirked at you, his hand reaching up to tuck some hair behind your ear. “I could have you underneath me in a heartbeat.”

“I’d thank you if you didn’t get sent off or made some shitty cheap joke about me! And if you ever think I’d even go near you like that you are very much mistaken!”

“Yeah, we’ll see.” He ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. “I get it but you aren’t perfect too!”

“I never claimed to be!”

“You sure act it, judging everyone else's relationships but god forbid someone makes a comment about yours!”

“We were never in a relationship!”

“I can see why…” He snapped, turning his back towards you as he threw his shirt over his head and discarded his shirt. You might have wanted to slap him back down to earth but you couldn’t help but spare a glance at him. How his girlfriend cheated on him you’d never know, the man was gorgeous.

—

Ever since yours and Joao’s dispute you’d hardly spoken to him unless you had to conduct an interview for Chelsea’s social media pages. Tonight was the end of the season awards and just like every single year you were attending. You made sure to match your dress to the exact shade of the Chelsea shirt. Your hair and make-up were done to perfection as you walked through the halls towards one of the lounges which was decorated with a million shades of blue and shades of silver and gold. Every year the hospitality team always outdone themselves and this year was no different.

Mason greeted you with open arms and so did his family. Most of the boys bought their family or partners along however one player was completely on his own and that was Joao. He was sat on one of the tables opposite you, his eyes were fixed on you but his expression was hard to read. Was he pissed off? Was he apologetic? You weren’t sure but one thing was for certain, he wouldn’t look away.

The night seemed to drag on, awards after awards were being dished out, some for credible achievements such as top goal scorer and others for more interesting achievements such as most pints downed after a win. You sat alongside Mason and his family when the awards ended. Music filled the lounge as everyone continued to socialise and drink the night away. You excused yourself from the table, getting sick of Joao watching you, you headed to the bathrooms to touch up your make-up but you didn’t realise someone was following you.

“You look beautiful.” The familiar sound of Joao’s voice made you jump. He was leaning against the wall of the bathrooms, his eyes raking over your body.

Joao regretted everything he’d said to you that day against Liverpool. The pair of you had spent many hours with one another in the media rooms, creating content for Chelsea and although you didn’t get off brilliantly due to his red card on his debut, he could tell you only wanted the best for everyone at the club, no matter if they were a player or simply cleaning staff. He’d come to his sense on the way to the Liverpool game that you were right about his relationship. Hearing your stories about your work and even your cat named after Frank made him think, perhaps that was the real reason why he went for Trent.

“You know this is the women’s bathroom.”

“I’m aware.” He pushed himself off the wall and walked over to you. “But my point still stands.”

“Thank you.”

“Can we talk?”

“In the women’s bathroom?”

“No time like the present.” He smirked. You were still facing the mirror and Joao was standing behind you, looking at you through the mirror. “I’m sorry for what I did.”

Huffing at his words you met his eyes briefly if the pair of you didn’t talk now the issue would never be resolved and if Joao wasn’t to sign permanently then you knew you’d never forgive yourself for the way the two of you ended things. “I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have called you a pushover.”

“But, I’m not sorry for what I said and did to Trent.” His hands snaked around your waist as he spoke. “Or for what I said about you.”

“Which part?” You set your lipgloss down, doing your best to pretend that you couldn’t feel his breath on your neck and his touch on your hips. “The part about me having you.”

“In your dreams.” You tried to step away but that would only push you closer to him. His grip tightened on your hips whilst his lips ghosted your neck. “You have a girlfriend-”

“No, I don’t.” He kissed your neck bore he spun you around to face him. “Why did you think I turned up alone?”

“Why?”

“Well… you may have been right besides… the ‘pushover’ has had someone else on his mind recently...”

Joao didn’t hesitate, his lips met yours, one hand cupped your cheek whilst the other went down to your thigh, pushing your dress to the side and allowed his hand to travel along your skin. You hesitated for a second before kissing him back. You couldn’t lie to yourself that Joao was hot, he was beautiful and if this was the way the two of you would make up then well… it was worth getting into a fight with him.

Your hands went to his hair, tugging on the strands as he allowed his hand to travel higher up your leg. “God you’re perfect.” His lips now travelled down your exposed neck, gently tugging on your skin as his grip on your leg tightened.

“You ruined my lipgloss.” You pouted as Joao pulled back to smirk at you.

“You’re lucky we’re in the stadium otherwise I would ruin more than your lipgloss.” His lips met yours once again. He tugged on your bottom lip, making you moan as he pulled the zip of your dress down. Jumping at the sudden gush of cold air against your back he smirked into the kiss before letting his warm hands trail down your back as he peeled the dress from your body. He let the front of it pool around your waist.

Your hands moved from his hair to his suit jacket, pushing it off his shoulders before grabbing his tie and pulling him back into a kiss. He lightly moaned as your nails raked across his white shirt. Joao’s hands went to your bra, unclasping it within seconds. He pulled away from the kiss as his hands cupped your boobs. “We should’ve argued sooner.”

Smiling at his words you watched as he took your nipple in his mouth whilst grabbing the other with his free hand. “Fuck…” You moaned, your legs parting so he could get closer to you. Your bliss was cut short when he moved away. His hands hooked themselves around the backs of your thighs.

“Jump.” He instructed you. Without hesitation, you jumped into his arms and he placed you on the bathroom counter. “Good girl.” His hands went to his own shirt, undoing the buttons so your hands could now trace his skin. Your nails raked his skin as Joao let his hands run up to your underwear.

“You do know someone could walk in right?” You spoke with a heavy breath.

“And?” He kissed you again. “Keep quiet and they won’t.”

“You don’t know that-”

“y/n… shut up and trust me.”

“Make me.” You teased but he didn’t need to be told twice. Joao moved your dress aside so he could see your underwear. Pushing your underwear aside he let his fingers tease your clit. The light touches sent butterflies through your stomach as Joao started to add pressure. Your head fell back at his movements. “Please…” You moaned as Joao watched you come undone around him. Leaving your clit he moved towards your entrance. Joao slowly pushed two fingers inside of you which earnt a sudden moan from you.

“I was right…” He breathed out, his hand pulling your face to look at him whilst he quickened his pace. “Your moans are beautiful.” Whilst his fingers fucked you his thumb went to your clit and started to bring you closer to your high.

“Fuck you.” You breathed out.

“Think I’m the one doing that love.”

You could feel his hard-on against your thigh which only made you wetter against his touch. Joao could feel you getting closer, your moans continued to grow louder as he quickened his pace. “You look so gorgeous about to come around me…”

“Please Joao… please…” You whined at his actions, your nails leaving red marks across his skin.

“Please what?” He taunted.

“Please let me come.”

“Yeah?” His lips ghosted yours as he kept adding pressure. “Come for me then.” He pressed his lips back onto yours as you came. You moaned into the kiss, your grip on his skin leaving darker marks which you knew wouldn’t fade for a while. “Such a good girl for me.” He kissed you before moving his fingers to his mouth so he could taste you. He savoured the moment before he quickly unbuckled his belt and allowed his cock to spring out.

He pumped his cock a few times whilst his free hand went to your face, his thumb traced across your bottom lip before he spoke. “As much as I want your mouth around me right now… I need to fuck you.”

He let his thumb fall into your mouth as he lined himself up and slowly pushed himself inside of you. Your face scrunched up at his size slowly pushing inside of you. Joao cupped your face whilst his free hand gripped your hip. “Is it too much?” He asked.

“No… just go slowly.”

Joao kissed you gently. “Of course my love.” Your heart fluttered at his nickname but that feeling soon spread to your stomach when you felt Joao pull out and thrust back inside. “You feel so good.” His head fell against yours, your lips ghosting one another as he repeated his actions. Feeling used to his size you allowed your leg to hook around his waist and pull him deeper into you.

“Faster…” You moaned in his ear. He didn’t need to be told twice. Pulling out he quickly slammed his hips back into yours and started to move at a quicker pace. “Fuck Joao…”

“My name sounds so pretty falling from your lips…” He moaned in your ear as he continued going faster. The pair of you knew that if it wasn't for the music in the lounge then everyone would have heard you. His fingers go back down to your clit and he quickly started to apply pressure to the bud. Your hands gripped onto the back of his neck, pulling him into a moaning kiss as he continued to fuck you faster.

Pulling away from the kiss Joao pulled out completely before pulling you off of the counter. With one last kiss on your lips, he spun you around so you were facing the mirror and bent you over. With a harsh smack to your ass, he quickly pulled your dress back up and around your hips before kicking your legs apart. Grabbing a fistful of your hair he forced you to look at yourself in the mirror.

“He could never fuck you as good as I can… could he?” He was evidently referring to Trent but your mind was too clouded with pleasure to even care. Joao lined himself up again, slowly letting the lip tease you. He couldn’t suppress the moan that fell from his lips at your wetness leaking onto him, he was so close but he wanted you for as long as he could. “Could he?” He repeated again.

“No…” You moaned out, wanting nothing more than for him to fuck you again.

“Who fucks you this good?” He quickly slammed himself inside of you again, tugging on your hair so that you were leaning closer to him.

“You do…” You whispered.

Joao pulled out before slamming back in. “I can’t hear you…” He taunted you with his slow movements.

“You do Joao fuck!” You screamed as he started to fuck you again. His pace quickened as he pulled you against his chest, fucking you as faster. His hands reached around to play with your clit which only added to your pleasure. You started to grind back onto his cock as he slammed back inside of you. You could feel him stiffen inside of you which indicated he was close.

“Joao I’m gonna come…” You let your head fall as you felt your stomach tighten.

“Yeah? Come then baby… come all over my cock…”

You couldn’t hold back for much longer, you felt your high wash over you and that was all you needed for Joao to finish inside of you. He pulled you closer to him as he finished, his groans filling your ear as the two of you slowly came down from your high.

“So good for me.” He kissed your head as he slowly pulled out. He quickly got himself cleaned up before he helped you back into your clothes so you looked presentable to head back out to the party. “Beautiful.” He kissed your lips one last time. “I’ll head back out now, wait for a second and then follow me out. Just in case.” He turned on his heel but you called out to him before he left.

“Joao?” He turned to meet your gaze. “Who was the other person on your mind?”

He smiled at your words before replying. “Turn around and you’ll see her.”

If you turned around you’d be met with a mirror, and you were the only one in the bathroom.

#football imagine #football x reader #joao felix x reader #joao felix x you #joao felix imagine #joao felix smut #joao felix fluff #joao felix fanfic #joao felix fic #joao felix drabble #football fanfic #football x y/n

929 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs