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canyouhearthelight · 3 years

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The Miys, Ch. 127

Annnnd a-one, and a-two, and a queue-queue-queue!

This chapter has one of my favorite things in the world to write - Interpersonal relationships (if you are surprised, I’m going to assume you are new here....).

Specifically, one of my biggest pet-peeves is when friends or siblings are written in a way that shows that the author doesn’t actually have any friends or siblings they are close enough to that all rules of societal politeness go whizzing into some far-off dimension as soon as they are in proximity.

When I get to write a chapter with such close friends/ersatz-siblings and also have @baelpenrose cackling and egging me on, it literally makes my whole day.

P.S: If anyone has wondered about the ages of the characters, several are clearly lined out in this chapter......

EDIT: Fixed some insane formatting issues.

“The food festival, Sophia? Really?” an incredulous voice asked before the door to my office even opened all the way.

I resisted the urge to scream, but did surrender to pinching the bridge of my nose and breathing slowly. “Hello, Arthur. Do come in. Long time no see. Of course I’m not busy…” My one day each week to have a few hours to myself - no mentees, no assistant, even Tyche was off work….

“We saw each other last night when I came over for dinner after sparring with Conor, and you’re never busy on Saturdays, Alistair makes sure of it.” He dragged a chair in front of my desk for what I felt was the sole purpose of putting his boots on my desk instead of the conference table.

“I thought you two didn’t even like each other, how did you - “

He waved a hand dismissively. “Enemy of my best friend’s enemy is my friend, that sort of thing. Anyway - “

“Did you just call me my own worst - “

“You are, let’s not pretend otherwise. Anyway.” Arthur arched an eyebrow at me and waited for any further objections, but I couldn’t think of any. “The Food Festival. It’s my one favorite tradition on this ship until armed combat becomes a spectator sport, and you are putting Parvati and Hannah in charge of it?”

After a beat pause to make sure he was done, I glared at him. “Everyone has asked me that, and I don’t understand the issue. They’ve both helped in the past, even before they started training to replace me. I’ve handed more and more off to them each time, and they did great! Plus, they have three months, it will be fi - Wait, why do you even care, Arthur?”

He held up one finger with the authority of a deity who would have smited me if he could. “One, Parvati Fletcher does not like mapo tofu. You do. Specifically, you like it from that one vendor who grows her own Sichuan peppercorns and uses them like they are an infinite resource. Two, I spend entirely too much time working with Zach Khan, and he won’t shut up about how stressed Hannah is. Three - “ I was seriously starting to get concerned he actually could smite me at this point - “As much as I love you in the most platonic way possible, you are an obsessive, compulsive perfectionist who insists on doing everything herself and running herself into the ground so that everyone else has the time of their lives. So why are you trusting this, the largest and oldest event on the Ark, entirely to other people?” Dropping his boots from the desk, he leaned forward, palms down until we were nearly nose to nose.

“Sophia Reid, I swear on any god I can kill if you are dying…”

“WHAT!?” I squawked, jerking back and standing so fast I knocked my chair over. “For the love of little fish, I’m not dying! I haven’t had a near death experience in four years, thank you.”

“Three, not counting the fact that there is a reason Alistair makes you drink anything through a straw anymore.”

“How did - Nevermind.” I shook my head and tried to focus on the topic at hand. “No, I’m not dying. Nor am I injured, having a midlife crisis, rethinking my life choices any more than I ever do, or so much as in possession of a stuffy nose.” Taking a deep breath, I rolled my eyes and started counting off before I could stop myself. “Conor and Maverick and I are fine. No, I’m not arguing with Tyche again. Yes, I’m still going to therapy. Else is fine. No new sentient plagues or rogue cult leaders that I’m aware of. Nor have I become immortal, queen of the universe, savior of humanity, pregnant by Noah, or possessed.” Carefully, I picked my chair back up and sat down.

“Good...to… know?” He gave me a funny look. “Who asked the most disturbing one?”

“Immortal or Savior of Humanity?” I asked for clarification. “Those were Maverick and Derek, respectively.”

The look only got worse. “I meant ‘pregnant by Noah’, but fascinating to see where your priorities lie….?”

“Oh. That was Charly.”

“Dammit,” he swore softly. “I had her pegged for ‘possessed’.”

“I’m pretty sure she is, but the suggestion that I am came from Tyche, on no fewer than 3 occasions, by 4 different entities. She seemed pretty hopeful that Else was potentially mind-controlling me in an effort to make me take a nap,” I admitted.

“That tracks.” A nod of approval prefaced the question I had been avoiding - successfully, thus far, I might add. “Now that you’ve ruled out every possible plausible reason that you would entrust this to literally anyone other than a clone of yourself, why?”

“Why what?” My face was composed in an expression of innocence so convincing that I probably deserved an Oscar.

“I can and will convince Charly to turn all your coffee to decaf, so help me, Sophia.”

Realizing that he was, legitimately, worried about me and at the limits of his usually-impressive patience, I held up my hands in surrender. “Fine. You get the scoop. Please record this and send me the loop, so I can just flick it at people who ask, please?” When he nodded, I exhaled slowly. “It is no secret to anyone that I never wanted this job. I made the mistake of establishing the Food Festival, which as you point out is the largest event of the cycle on the Ark - the last three years, literally everyone attended in some capacity.” When he opened his mouth to argue, I held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t get me wrong. I love the Festival. What basically started out as a potluck because we were homesick and needed to meet - you know, the rest of humanity - is a huge, three day holiday. It’s amazing!” I spun in my chair, arms flung wide for emphasis, before stopping to face him.

“It also consumes my life, for months, to prepare for. And that’s just implementing changes to make it more accessible so people don’t miss out! That doesn’t include adding things to make it more interesting or keep it from getting boring, or whatever. I literally don’t have time to do any of that!”

“So, you’re inflicting this on them instead?”

“Inflicting?” I snorted. “Hardly. This is their final exam, their capstone project, their dissertation. If they pull this off, I will gladly hand the entire office over to whoever is elected, cheerfully and knowing the Ark is in good hands. But, they have to pull this off. It’s the only major part of being Councilor of Resources and Relations that they haven’t done yet by themselves.”

He rubbed his face, looking somewhat impressed. “That’s honestly not what I was expecting.”

“I don’t think it ever is, honestly.” I shrugged at the question he glanced towards me. “For Evan, it was coordinating the weapons exhibitions. Charly managed to pre-empt her own by designing more efficient aqueducts and filtration for when we reach Von - you know, the ones that also produce light?”

“Of course she would invent glow-in-the-dark plumbing. Who else?” Something caught up with him. “Evania Josue got away with planning an event? Seriously?”

“Oh, that’s right… you weren’t on Level One…” I murmured. When he only looked more confused, I clarified. “She was Maverick’s co-pilot when we needed people to pilot the Ark, which was not designed to pilot manually, via dead reckoning, using cameras pointed out the few viewports we have, for several weeks after the sensors were sabotaged.”

“She was whose co-pilot?”

“You really never heard this story? You practically live with seven people who were there…”

“Usually I get the bits about ‘Sophia nearly got her brains bashed out’ and ‘that traitorous bitch’, then start tuning out while I try to decide what it would take to get Charly to teach me necromancy… If Evan was the co-pilot, then why is Maverick….”

“Not in line to replace any Councilors? Arthur, we know that would be a disaster for him.”

He nodded reluctantly. “Your younger partner is a nice boy.”

“For fuck’s sake, he’s thirty seven!” I groaned.

“Nice man, whatever,” he waved off. “Which is exactly what I would like for you as a partner. You need nice partners, and blunt siblings. But I see what you mean about him being a Councilor… he’d be miserable.”

“What was yours?” I asked mischievously, dropping my chin onto my hands.

That earned me a flat stare, until he finally surrendered when I didn’t flinch. “The Twentieth/Early Twenty First History curriculum.”

“Seriously?” That had literally been the first thing he had done when Eino tapped him as a possible successor.

“I didn’t budge on points even he admitted he would have, out of fear of offending people.”

“Which is a fear you very much lack,” I pointed out.

“The truth is the truth. Coating it in sugar only makes it taste worse.” He shrugged nonchalantly before suddenly looking dangerously like he was thinking again. “There’s two of them.”

“Yes, Arthur. Hanna and Paravati are, in fact, two distinct and separate women-type-lady-people.”

“Thank you, Fee, I was well aware.” I suppressed a growl at the nickname - he knew I hated it. “I meant, only one can win the election, smartass.”

“Better to be a smartass than a dumbass,” I muttered.

“Sophia, you are forty five. Please grow up just a hair?”

“Tyche doesn’t want to be HR forever, you know.”

That brought his mind to a visibly screeching halt. “Wait, what?”

“What what?” I asked. “She does it because she is phenomenal at it, but it isn’t her passion. She only stuck around as long as she did to make sure I didn’t trip over a chair and brain myself while I was at work. When I’m gone, she’s gone, loser take the spoils.”

He whistled softly before shaking his head. “It’s bizarre to think of you two retiring around the same time I’m just starting the position.”

“I’ll have been a Councilor for a decade when I step down,” I pointed out. I almost included unless I die first, but that never seemed to be as funny as I thought it was.

“But you aren’t that much older than me,” he sighed dramatically. “Anti-aging technology is frustrating.”

“Annnnd this is a natural extension of your career, with a ten year break thereabouts the middle.” My grin was so bright it made him scowl before I finally got a begrudging smile. “Think of it as getting elected head of the school board.”

The groan he let out probably echoed for several levels throughout the ship. I had basically just pointed out that he was becoming that which he most hated.

Or not. He seemed to recover with a gleam in his eye. “Pfft. Dean of Students, at the very least.”

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#the miys #humans are weird #found family #siblings #humans will pack bond with anything #aliens #post apocalyse #post post apocalypse #science fiction #original science fiction #haw #hfy

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dimonds456 · 4 years

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What was “A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak” Really About?

What was Zach Callison’s A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak really about?

Hey all you people out there! How are you surviving quarantine? I had a bunch of spare time, and so I decided to write an essay that focuses on Zach Callison’s album, A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak. The album has been out for a while, but most people either only know Interlude IV or are really confused about the story it tells. I think I’ve finally got an answer, and I wanted to share it with you all.

If you’re only here to better understand Interlude IV, you can skip down there if you want, but you’ll still be pretty confused. Besides, you should listen to the rest of the album. The whole thing bops.

Personal favorite song is Phantom Love, but I’m pretty sure no one cares about that.

Anyways, on to the show! One song at a time, in order.

WARNING: REALLY, REALLY LONG POST UNDER THE CUT!!

Phantom Love

Phantom Love sets up the whole story for us. Juanita is Zach’s old GF, who appears to only have dated him so she could get ideas for a music album she was writing. However, she had no ideas and/or is a masochist, and so wanted to get Zach to either break up with her, do something horrible to her, or just create drama in general she could write about. Whatever happens happens, and she is successful.

Juanita seems to be suffering from some form of depression, but whether that’s actually the case or she, again, just wanted something to write about is up for debate. But either way, it’s hinted at several times that she slit her wrists and other self-harm-inducing activities.

Many people follow her- she seems to be popular enough (which makes sense, due to the album being about two celebrities dating each other, just like Zach’s irl relationship). However, she has two different faces- her showbiz the-cameras-are-on face and her real face. Zach seems to have the same thing, as hinted at in She Don’t Know, but we’re not there yet. Point is, Juanita used Zach to try and get a tragedy out of the whole deal.

It was a phantom love- it never existed.

“Made me promise I would never break your heart

How was I to know that’s what you wanted from the start?”

Both people got into Hollywood from a young age and grew up with it, and so were surrounded by drama constantly. This takes a toll on Zach, but he tries to deal with it whereas Juanita actively wants to partake in it. She causes drama- little triggers to get him to snap- until one day, he does.

Interlude I - Frantically

This one is pretty straight-forward. After the two break up, it’s the perfect excuse for Juanita to start spreading rumors and stirring tension. She’s quick to make Zach out to be the bad guy, when in actuality, he was the one who was being loyal in their relationship.

We’re clued in that these rumors aren’t true from one line: “I heard he got fired from that cartoon he does. (Nooo wayyy…)” We, as the audience, know for a fact he didn’t, but things get shaky as we realize that some of them are also true.

“I heard he does coke now and, like, screams a lot.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

[laughter]

Zach overhears them talking about them and runs away, going off somewhere to be alone. Once he’s alone, we get the disturbing audio of him sniffing some drugs, implying that he actually does, indeed, do coke.

DISCLAIMER: Irl Zach Callison did NOT turn to drugs! It’s a metaphor for how many people he knows who have decided to do so, and so he;s aware of what it does to one’s mind. Don’t worry; Zach is okay in that department.

She Don't Know

After gaining the following knowledge, this song is easier to understand. Zach really did love Juanita, and he misses her, even though he knows at this point that she used and abused him.

“There ain’t no drug in all the world like loving you

Cocaine and cigarettes will have to do

Won’t somebody save me? My heart’s beating outta m’ chest

I just wanna hold you with those hands I once possessed.”

Juanita isn’t aware of the effect she had on him, and he laments this quite strongly (hence the title). Once she had her heartbreak, she ran off, leaving a broken lover behind.

Trigger warning: there are hints of suicidal thoughts in this song. They get more prominent as the album goes on, which becomes important later. This is where we really start seeing them, though.

“F***ed up on my bedroom floor

And my first thought’s ‘let’s do some more’

They say it all kills for thrills

And I hope it does!

Can you hear me, love?”

He speaks about “where did I go” later on, meaning that he is losing himself/doesn’t feel like himself. He still wants to be with her, and her absence has utterly destroyed him. He’s still in love with her, and wants her to know that. However, Juanita doesn’t give a bat of the eye in his direction, only caring that she now had the material she needed to write her album.

Interlude II - Christie Only Knows

Here, we are introduced to Zach’s make-believe sister, Christie. Only she is aware that he is going through this, and we find out quickly that she isn’t supportive.

“It’s getting late now, but to me, it’s just beginning

‘Cuz life’s tearing me to pieces and I know I’ve been defeated

Oh, no

And Christie only knows.

Never seen someone like this before

An eight-ball power on the floor

And I’m staring at the ceiling

Wondering if the reaper’s close

But Christie only knows

That there ain’t no drug in all the world like being you

\Glory on the silver screen just had to do

Won’t somebody save me? I am screaming out of breath

And my shadow, he’s holding a gun…

With those hands that I once possessed…”

This is the only time I’ll put all the lyrics in here, I swear. However, this one is important as it paves the way to Nightmare, bridging the gap between the two moods. She Don’t Know is angry, stressed, unsure, and frustrated, whereas Nightmare is just… depression. Interlude II is the middle ground, showing us that once Zach got all that off his chest, he feels… numb. He doesn’t know what to do.

Now, who exactly is Christie? I don’t think she really exists, in the context of the album, that is. I believe that Christie is someone he’s hallucinating, an embodiment of all his most negative thoughts, sugarcoated into something pretty and worth listening to. We’ll explore her character later on in Interlude IV - Showtime, but for now, what you need to know is that his suicidal thoughts are getting more and more intense now that she’s here.

A sister is someone who you’re bonded to, whether it be in blood, relationship, or cause. In this case, I think it’s more relationship. She is telling him to let go, to accept that things are this way and won’t get better. It’d be easier to end it. And Zach is listening to her. We know this because of the line “And my shadow, he’s holding a gun with those hands that I once possessed…” He is seriously thinking about it, and the fact that it’s his shadow shows that the thought is always in the back of his mind. The same thoughts that led him to love Juanita are now ready to kill him- those same, once-steady hands he used to hold her with. And he’s done. He’s holding on by a thread.

Nightmare

This song is told in the 3rd person as Zach really explains what he’s been going through each and every day that lead him to this fateful decision to end it. He is done. He’s decided it.

Every day, he cries. He hates himself, he hates looking at himself, he hates all of it.

“Prosecutor at his own trial,

The floor below him becomes so fertile

by his very own vile, Nile, and exile source

By the pitter-patter of his tears on the bathroom tile…

...you’re nothing more than your feelings

from your floors to your ceilings

and out the all-bloodshot ocular faucets…

Boy vs brain, white noise vs the sane,

always vs the same, cries for help exclaim

that he’s beyond repair. He’ll swear, he’ll despair, he’ll stare

straight ahead in the mirror at the source of his waking nightmare.”

There’s an instrumental break, during which he says “Are you writing this down, Christie? Yeah…” This shows that he’s lamenting to himself, as again, Christie doesn’t really exist. He’s venting to her, jotting down everything that’s wrong with him.

This tells me that he’s writing a note. He is telling someone where he’s going and why he did what he’s about to do. Remember, Christie is in Zach’s head, and so if she is writing this down, that means that Zach is writing this down. His worst, most negative thoughts are writing all this down, showing him that this was the right decision. This will end all his suffering, and whoever reads the note will understand and be happy for him. This was his solution.

“He’s standing on a bluff overlooking the city

The city’s biggest bluff is making itself look so pretty

He tells himself to be tough, isolated and gritty

But gritty’s kinda hard when his brain’s run by committee”

This is how he decides to die. Now with a gunshot like Interlude II hinted at. He is willing to jump for it.

Look at the album cover. Did he go for it? I don’t think so, but we’ll get to that.

The song concludes with him saying this:

“So who do I speak of and why is he grey?

He rejects all his love, see the prices he pays

To his vices he caves, in a crisis of fates

No tragic history, only a mystery

So I say to you, ‘who?’

Why don't’cha tell me?”

This is him confirming to us, the audience, that this is Zach’s character speaking about himself. He’s been hinting and clueing at us to this song all along, and now he is making sure that we know what’s going on in his head. He’s ready to end it.

His love for Juanita broke his heart so severely that it left him broken and bruised beyond repair. And if you can’t fix it, it’s time to throw it away.

So he heads back out to the bluff to jump.

Interlude III - Second Thoughts

He’s standing on a bluff overlooking the city. The bluff’s height is making itself not so pretty. Is this being tough? Or just being petty? But petty’s not likely, it’s a selfish, single entity…

Doe she really want to do this? Looking down, Zach thinks about what made him come here. The drugs? They’re messing him up. He’s aware of it, he’s been aware of it. Would jumping be giving in to their influence? Or Juanita’s?

“We put his record on until he’s bleeding on the needle

And he’s weeping in the street

Cut down on his curtain call

That’s where he’s gonna sleep.”

Standing on top of the bluff now, he looks down onto the road. He can see that there is where he could die, but he’s suddenly not so sure. The idea just slammed into him, reality slapping him in the face. “Do you really want to do this?”

“Take aim with these hands he once possessed

A dozen roses on the pavement laid the rest

Oh, my dear sister Christie, will I feel some remorse?

She says ‘no, pull the trigger, ‘cuz he’s left us no recourse.

His brain has a sickness, so kill it at the source.’”

He steps closer. He can see, in his mind, the image of his dead body lying on the road, forever resting. But, was that the right call? To just throw in the towel like that? So, in true metaphorical fashion, he turns and asks Christie. His inner demons. They’ve been straight with him before, right? And, of course, they say “yes, go for it.”

But Zach still isn’t sure.

I believe he backs off for now, leading the way to Curtain Call.

Curtain Call

This is where it really starts to get difficult when it comes to dissecting this album, and from here on out, I guarantee that I got things wrong. However, stay with me, because I’m open to and want to discuss what everyone else thinks it all could mean. I’m going to share my ideas, and if you have a better one, tell me and I can either agree or argue it with you. Point is, like English class (in high school), if you have the evidence to back it up, you’re not wrong. Let’s have a serious discussion about this.

On with the show! Now, it appears as though Zach is arguing with himself in this one, one wanting to show people that he’s hurt so he can get help- the side that wants to live- but on the other hand, his other half knows that there’s nothing they can do if he does. He’d just weigh them all down. Because all of him agrees that he’s useless and hopeless.

He sends up a prayer (I think Zach is Christian, so this makes sense), asking for, basically, karma of some kind. He’s done feeling this way, and wants it to stop. So he asks for “some price to pay,” hoping that there’s a solution, but knowing that the solution isn’t going to be handed to him on a silver platter. He’d need to work to get better, and this is him saying that he’s willing to do that. He WANTS to live, but he’s just not sure he can anymore. And that’s his main argument. Can he do this? Was it even worth it?

Obviously, with Zach being a famous actor (both irl and in the album), he has a double life. One is bringing joy to others, while the other is a constant internal struggle. The world is a stage, and at this point, Zach is basically admitting- through metaphors- that he has been acting. Pretending.

Consider this lyric, put there- side by side- very intentionally:

“I find that I’m anything but fine.

No, I’m okay. Oh please just look away!”

It’s all a mask. And it’s one he’s tired of wearing. Notice how tired he sounds when he sings those lines. He’s done. He’s been done.

“Bourbon to kill my pain

Curtains to hold my shame

No, they can’t look away

Cannot contain my rage…”

These lines are telling us that people around Zach have started to notice that he’s off, but he wants to believe that he’s okay, that he’ll be okay. So he continues his career (“curtains to hold my shame”), even though it’s hurting him to do so at that point. And people are starting to notice. And that’s making him frustrated. At himself. At them. He’s tired. Let him rest. He just wants to rest and forget. Bourbon, alcohol, kill the pain. Make it go away so they can’t see. But they already see. The mask is old and withering in decay.

Towards the end, Zach’s voice becomes more echoey and distant (discluding the Italian that I have no hope of understanding, which is why I’ve yet to mention it). This shows that he’s distancing himself, running away, if you will.

Running back to the bluff.

And this time, he jumps.

Interlude IV - Showtime

Okay, meme time. This is the one everyone knows. However, we are not going to be talking about a Connverse fight that honestly makes no sense given the limited context of the song (as cool as those animatics are). We will be talking about, however, Zach facing and challenging his inner demons. Christie does not exist. Why should she rule over his life?

Let’s break this one down, since this one is the hardest to fit into the story.

He jumps, but survives the fall. Maybe dazed, maybe broken. Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe this song IS the dream. We can’t be sure. Everything is metaphorical in this one. Perhaps he didn’t jump at all. We can’t be sure.

Christie congratulates him. She tells him that he’s free. He did the right thing, and now it was just the two of them. They could do whatever they wanted without feeling so weighed down!

Zach disagrees, coming to a realization.

He jumped. Christie had said that it’d make everything okay again, that it’d be bliss. Well, he jumped, and it wasn’t. It was worse. He felt anger and fear, and this leads him to finally, for once, counter her.

“The world is ours!”

“No it isn’t.”

“Get in the car.”

“This isn’t finished.”

“...What?”

She’s shocked that Zach openly argues with her, and as their bickering goes on (which I’m sure a lot of you reading this can hear perfectly in your heads, so I won’t write the exact lyrics down), Zach gains more confidence. He accuses her of murdering him. “And they’ll all think that it was suicide, but Christie, I know that it was you inside.” Remember, she’s not real and therefore didn’t really “kill” him, but he blames her as he allowed her to control and manipulate him.

Christie is shocked, stating that everything she did, she did to comfort him. ”I saved him! I held him ‘til the moment he [Zach’s “innocence”] died!”) However, Zach realizes what she really is now, and decides that enough is enough. (“You choked him out of his goddamn mind! Promised the world to him, a goddamn lie!”) He knows what she is, and won’t let himself be manipulated by her again.

Now, the whole time, they’re talking about someone who is dead. Who is that someone? Zach. However, it’s all a metaphor. When Zach jumped, a part of him died. The last of his humanity? His sanity? I think his “innocence,” which I say in quotes because I’m sure there’s a better word for it out there somewhere. He’s done being blind to the truth, blindly following Christie around. The part of him that was naive enough to do that, to listen to her influence and complain about the world, is gone. He’s dead.

And that means Zach isn’t taking anymore s***.

C: “I won’t help you take [Juanita] down.”

Z: “Fine. I’LL DO IT BY MYSELF!”

C: “You don’t need it!”

Z: “Oh, I know that I need it.”

C: “She’s been gone for years, I know you can beat it!”

Z: “Oh, look in the mirror, you know we both fear her…

But you let me kill him, you’re WORSE than Juanita!”

Juanita herself never killed him. She never physically harmed him, not in any way that counts here. However, Christie did. She pushed and pushed him, taking a fragile boy and breaking him even more. Zach is now his own worst enemy, not Juanita, and this is him realizing it. But he doesn’t want to be his own enemy.

C: “I won’t help you take her down.”

Christie doesn’t want Zach to face her, because she knows that that would be him really facing his demons and starting down the path to healing. Juanita is Zach’s biggest obstacle, aside from himself. He has to face himself first, and that’s why this song is so powerful. Zach is taking a step back and realizing what he has to do, who he is, and why things are like this.

Z: “Oh, look in the mirror, you know we both fear her.

We’re one and the same, we’re afraid to be near her!”

There’s that mirror metaphor again, except that he’s not looking at himself with hatred; he’s looking at himself with understanding (and a side of hatred). He’s ready to face her. He’s ready to get everything to stop.

“1, 2, 3, 4

Is this what love is really for?

Is this all I get for being yours?

The kid in front of me in blood and gore?”

The kid is, again, Zach’s “innocence.” He understands, he’s ready to not only move on, but also confront her.

5, 6, 7, 8

Years left to waste for all I hate

They’ll all know Juanita’s fate!

Show’s about to start; don’t be late.”

He knows that it’s going to be a showdown, a big, epic throw down. And Christie isn’t coming with him. He’s leaving her behind. He’s leaving his demons behind, breaking free from them and moving on.

War!

The ultimate throw down begins!

“A wise man once said, ‘time is money’

So how much money did I lose to you, honey?

Find it kinda funny you wanna keep this feud runnin’

But I’m glad I’m on your mind, keep that canon fire coming, woah!”

This is 100% a diss track. Zach confronts Juanita in front of a lot of her friends (we hear multiple girls go “huh?” as they realize that Zach’s here and he’s ANGRY), and immediately starts in. No introductions, no “hey it’s nice to see you again”s, nothing. He’s here to make a statement, and he’s gonna do so.

He realizes Juanita for who she is now, and she has done so many horrible things to him. Spreading rumors and lies to ruin his life, after dating him just to get a story to write about. He’s sick of it and done. He calls her out, and it’s important that he does this in front of other people so they see what she’s really done. He’s hurt, he’s been hurt, and it’s because of Juanita, this amazing person a lot of people looked up to and liked (“I know, Juanita deserves so much more [Interlude I]”. “Step inside the life of the men weak enough to follow you [Phantom Love]).

Juanita also appears to be dating someone else by this time. This is really important, because now due to context clues we got from before, the only reason Juanita dates is to get a heartbreak out of it so she can have the motivation and drive to write her own album. That’s why she dated Zach. So, if she’s dating again, that means she either lost the motivation and drive again, or she never had it in the first place since it wasn’t a real love between them. She didn’t truly experience a heartbreak at all. This is further backed up by the claim that “we’ve been waiting on your album for ages, no traces, and baby, we’ve already run out of patience!” She’s only dating to get that experience again.

This means that, at least in Zach’s eyes, she hasn’t changed. “To your new boy, let he be warned: you’re her new toy for blood and gore! What, you didn’t know?” She is going to destroy him emotionally, and he’s going to go down the same path as Zach, ending in death- blood on the pavement. The gore part is to emphasize how horrific the whole ordeal was.

“Sit down with me and sign this armistice

Get your big proboscis outta my s***, miss”

A proboscis is the butterfly equivalent of a tongue. They use it for sucking nectar out of flowers. So, what he’s saying here is that they need to settle this between them (“sign this armistice”), and that she needs to mind her own business. By her talking about Zach like that, she ruined his life and he’s sick of it. She literally sucked the joy out of him like nectar.

“Welcome to the new me!

Paint your nails black and unscrew me

But that’s okay, Juanita

Know my business is booming”

His business is a reference to his own album, the very one you’re listening to. His music career took off now because of her and the fact that she broke his heart, not the other way around. Juanita can never understand that because she “only loves to be broken [Phantom Love].”

“That’s alright, that’s okay!

You barely wrote them anyway

Half your songs got thrown away

Like ballets on voting day

All my ballads had more to say

Like a bullet through a motorcade”

In a twist, Zach got the story Juanita had wanted. He experienced a heartbreak, while she never really did. So he writes an album instead of her. It’s a cool kind of karma that Zach- or, at least, his character- can’t resist.

The whole song ends with him forcing her/her friends to sing along with him, repeating her name, then yelling. She screams, and it cuts out.

I think he’s lost his sanity (or again, his “innocence”) here. He gets carried away, and either attacks her or makes like he’s about to. I think he makes like he’s about to, but stops. This is the final song; if Zach killed her, there would more than likely be another song depicting the consequences and an Interlude V to show the aftermath of the incident. But because he stopped himself, he’s satisfied. Juanita learned her lesson, Zach got everything off his chest, and the people around them know the truth.

That’s all he’s wanted for longer than we can possibly know.

Final Observations

Zach Callison has gone on record to say that “Juanita” has finally published an album of her own, but that happened months later. I don’t have any specific dates for anything, though. No one knows who the real-life “Juanita” is, which in my opinion, is noble of Zach. He had a lot of anger to get out, but unlike her, he wasn’t going to ruin her life to try and get something out there. He can make a statement without ruining someone else along the way.

With that knowledge, let us all stand and clap for this man.

Not only is the album just a really good listen, but each song tells a cohesive story. The tones each song sets, as well as the far under-appreciated interludes (or over-appreciated in terms of Showtime), really shows how his emotional state changes. Phantom Love is a lament, She Don’t Know is a classic “I’m sad bc my gf broke up with me :(“ which is how Zach perceives that incident at that point in time, whereas Nightmare is him falling into depression stronger than anything he’s ever felt before. Curtain Call is him arguing with himself about whether or not he should even live anymore, and it all comes back around with the upbeat, heavy-rock literal song of War!. The interludes take the tone of the next song and combine it with the lyrics of the previous to show that smooth transition between emotions as he grapples with his mental state, the only exception really being Interlude I, as it has an overall bouncy tone to it.

Zach not only made every single song enjoyable, but also unique and heartfelt. Just listen to how his voice shakes during Christie Only Knows. He is genuinely upset and lost, and because of this, he’s better able to convey the HUGE emotion dump that was his album.

Do I recommend it? Yes. I think there’s something in there for everyone, even if you only enjoy one of the songs. However, doing a review is going to be an entire post in and of itself.

Thanks for reading, guys. Now go listen to the album and tell me your thoughts. Does my explanation make sense? Do you have a better idea? Let me know. I want to have a real discussion about it with other people who have listened to the whole thing, not just Interlude IV.

If you haven’t listened to it yet, it’s on YouTube and ITunes. Do yourself a favor and check it out. The whole thing is ~45 minutes long.

Have a link to the playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_n1rA_1uUBtxoATot0ixiTgvdEHhj3lAn4

#zach callison #a picture perfect hollywood heartbreak #picture perfect hollywood heartbreak #long post #meta post #theory post #pphh #pphh zach callison #zach callison's music #zach callion's album #juanita pphh #Personally I think War! is the best song in the album #but Phantom Love is my favorite to just listen to #War! is the best in terms of vocals and especially the instrumental tho #And Interlude IV is my fav of the four

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elias-veturius-laia-of-serra · 3 years

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Do you think that Musa and Helene would end up in a relationship in the future? They seem to have bonded over the loss of their loves 🤷🏻‍♀️

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In response to this submission!

In my humble and personal opinion I would LOVE for them to get together. Helene tends to be very distant and closed off and defensive when she first meets someone and it takes a while to get her to trust you. Literally took Laia all four books and Avitas two and a half to get her to open up to them. However she felt comfortable around Musa in an instant and was even able to joke around and laugh with him despite not knowing him for that long. She would even open up to him about things and if she didn't he had a keen eye where he'd already know what she was thinking or what she needed to hear in certain situations. Like one of the main reasons she was finally able to allow herself to love Harper is because Musa kept pushing her and encouraging her that it's okay to let herself be loved and that she can love something other than the empire.

Plus I think some people misunderstood when Helene vowed to never get married or have children. They thought it's because of Harper but Helene has always showed disinterest in marriage and especially kids. Avitas literally states that she complains about kids all the time hence why he made her that tea that one time in book 4. Also it's for zach. If she had children, since she's empress, then her child would be the next heir instead of Zach. Or if she had a husband and she were to pass away then he would be the emperor instead of Zach. So she doesn't want to take away his rightful throne. Therefore it makes sense that she doesn't want marriage or kids.

Which is fine since Musa's last marriage ended in tragedy so I don't think he's looking for marriage either. ALSO Helene is young. She's even younger than me and I don't find it fair or realistic that she'd stay single forever or never try at love again. Even in book 4 it states how she's happy at the thought that she can still feel a thrill at a guy making her laugh and smile.

(In which by the way if she does want to stay single that's completely fine. She doesn't need a man to experience love. That is not at all what I'm saying! Basically I mean: if she does stay single I hope it's for her and not because she's hung up on someone she honestly barely knew and was only romantically involved with for a couple weeks. And I say barely knew cause even us as readers we didn't get to know much about Harper and his life or his backstory. And what we do know is very limited.)

Also Sabaa said she specifically left some things open for if she ever wants to come back and write novellas. Annnnnd in book 4 Musa reminds Helene she still owes him a favor soooooo. There's a possibility there! Plus I adore their dynamic together. It's one of my favorites. Plus I think they're the only two people who understand what the other is going through and what it feels like. Helene lost her whole family except Zach. Musa has lost his whole family and has no one left. Even his kingdom and people were mascaraed. So if there's one person who can understand them it's each other.

(P.S: I also think people got confused by the end thinking Helene moved on quickly. I just want people to know it does state in the book word for word that she mourned for months and by the time its the moon festival it's been several months and she's still mourning but has come to terms with Avitas's passing. Cause I saw a lot of people hating for that when in reality much time has passed! And if you don't agree with me - that's fine! Sadly a lot of ppl hate the ship ); but hopefully in time maybe we can get some new members - heheheh)

#an ember in the ashes #a torch against the night #a sky beyond the storm #aeita #atatn #aratg #asbts #sabaa tahir #helene aquilla #musa of adisa #helmusa #submission

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chilling-seavey · 4 years

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Anything But Mine (d.s.) - Chapter Thirty-Two

A/N do you have your popcorn ready? 😉

Saturday, August 29th, 2020

Florence was worried about what the new school year would bring. Having Callum back permanently was an absolute blessing, but she was only hoping that school wouldn’t put another strain on their relationship. With school starting in a few days, frats around the university were throwing huge parties to celebrate and their own little group gladly decided to get together to have a little party of their own. They weren’t like their crazed neighbours who had alcohol constantly pumping through their veins but they liked to have fun for a night sometimes.

Clementine and Penelope were supposed to be taken care of by the Clifford’s but their late work schedules kept the children with their mother for a bit later than planned. No one really minded, though, it only meant Florence couldn’t drink until later. Michael and Luke said they would drive over to pick them up on their way home.

Zach paired his phone with the Bluetooth speaker and playing some arguably trash music, but everyone had agreed that he could be in charge of music so they were stuck. Even still, they managed to tune it out, focussing on their drinks and good company.

Of course, Cayleigh was over as well, finding her usual place on Daniel’s lap with a beer in her hand, her low-cut shirt not leaving much to the imagination. Florence had to elbow Zach multiple times to get his eyes off her chest. Corbyn kept a steady round of drinks going, exchanging someone’s empty for a full can every time he saw one. It was amusing to Florence to watch her friends slowly fall under the influence of the alcohol, the four-week-old fast asleep in her arms despite the music and chatter that was filling the room. Clementine was sat with Jack, which wasn’t unusual, and was the smartest choice anyway since he was the best at handling his alcohol. Every time he got a new drink, he got her to ‘cheers’ with him using her sippy cup of apple juice, making her giggle.

As usual, the conversation got turned to Cayleigh and Daniel’s relationship, Aidan saying a casual, “Well, Cayleigh, you’re here so much you basically live here. I’m guessing things are going well between you two then?”

“How can you tell?” Cayleigh squealed, squishing her face against Daniel’s. He laughed lightly, pressing a kiss to her cheek. Florence watched them with an expressionless stare, and he caught her eye, his smile faltering before he turned away again. Florence looked down at the baby in her arms, rocking her gently, holding the pacifier to her mouth.

Cayleigh, now being brought into a conversation about herself, continued, “I mean we’re so great and there’s still no action but he’s not a virgin. He told me.” She tisked lightheartedly and bluntly, the alcohol clearly hazing her filter.

“You’re not?” Florence couldn’t stop herself before she asked, furrowing her eyebrows at her once so trusting and now seemingly distant best friend. Daniel looked back at her blankly, refusing to give any hint to her through his facial expression that the proof of that fact was sleeping in her arms at that very moment.

“Apparently not!” Cayleigh shrugged, pausing to take a sip of her drink, “I wanna know who the lucky bitch is but I guess I’ll never know. Dani is a bundle of secrets.” The clueless girlfriend slid her arm around his middle, curling into his side as if they could get any closer.

The room fell into awkward silence except for Zach’s techno music playing in the background. Callum stared at his sister who was back to looking at the baby in her arms, eyebrows furrowed with confusion and the slight hurt that always came to the surface when it came to the distance between her and Daniel.

“Well that girl from the bar and I are still going strong.” Jonah said after a moment. “Thanks for asking, guys.”

“Wait, really? You never talk about her.” Corbyn questioned.

“I guess I’m a bundle of secrets too.” Jonah chuckled.

“I’m still pathetically single!” Zach threw his hands up.

“Join the club.” Jack rolled his eyes.

No one noticed the look that Callum and Aidan shared just as the doorbell rang. Clementine’s eyes went big as Jack pushed her to her feet and got up to get it.

“Is that Mikey, Clem?” Florence giggled as the toddler went running after her best friend. When Michael was in sight, Clementine ran right into his arms, gladly being scooped up. The young mother joined them as well as Aidan, greeting the two men happily. Luke took sleeping Penelope, listing to Florence’s gentle instructions even though he knew exactly how to take care of a baby, slinging the diaper bag over his other arm. With a quick goodbye to her daughters, Florence was handed a cooler and helped Jack and Aidan grab some snacks. The rest of the group in the living room was busy chatting away, the three in the kitchen were on their own.

“How’s my brother treating you, Ai?” Florence asked with a smirk, jumping up to sit on the island.

“Fine.” Aidan blushed, avoiding looking in her direction.

“Do you feel the same rush from high school?”

Jack chuckled, glancing between the two of them as Aidan gave her a little shove over teasingly invasive questions.

He answered regardless, “Well it’s easier without someone beating us up every day.”

Florence’s smile faltered and she took a sip of her drink.

“I mean…I just…Matt left us alone after graduation so it was fine by then…when everything changed with you and Clementine…fuck, I’m sorry.” Aidan ran a hand through his hair.

“It’s okay. I get it. I really do.” Florence shook her head through a humourless laugh. “That asshole is gone anyway.”

Jack laughed at that statement, pushing the newly filled bowl of chips in her direction. She thanked him and took one.

“Anymore news from the doctor?” Jack asked casually. Aidan sent him a discreet glare.

“Nothing after the original meeting.” Florence sighed. “Honestly I think they just messed up. If I don’t hear anything soon I’m just going to call a stalemate. I mean she looks a lot like Emilio. The dark hair, light eyes, her little nose. At this point, I just want some form of a steady boyfriend and between him and Grayson he’s the most likely to not hate my guts.”

“Wait, you’re just going to lie and tell Emilio that Penelope is actually his?” Aidan gaped.

“No! God, no. I’d just be honest and tell him I can’t just be friends.” Florence mumbled, staring at the drink in her hands. “He’s always on my mind all the time and he’s so gorgeous and so sweet and I miss the way things were before the baby.”

“I feel like we’re on an episode of the Bachelorette.” Jack said.

“Welcome to how I feel 24/7.” Florence scoffed.

“I’m glad I’m gay.” Aidan mumbled, making the other two friends laugh.

The Bluetooth speaker beeped mid song to indicate that the batteries were low. Florence hoped off the counter and picked it up. “Do you guys have another speaker? We don’t want it to cut out while we’re listening to Zach’s amazing music choices.”

“Yeah, Daniel has some in his room. Top drawer I think.” Jack said.

“Ok, I’ll be back.” Florence headed for the stairs, cooler in hand.

It had been a while since she had been in Daniel’s room, but it was no different than she remembered it. The same dark blue sheets pulled tight over the neatly made bed, the row of his two guitars and cello lining the opposite wall and his music producing equipment leaving little room on the desk. His well used notebook sat on top of his closed laptop and she couldn’t help but glance at the door before flipping it open. The pages were crinkled and worn, the notebook being well used throughout the last year or two and every line was filled with scribbles and notes. It was Daniel’s most personal and prized position and he kept everything he wrote in complete secrecy so Florence felt a touch of guilt by flipping through it, but she couldn’t help it. Each page was filled with love songs or angsty ballads, some written in perfectly straight lines across the pages and some with many scratched out lyrics and notes in the margins.

Not wanting to take too long away from the group, she closed the notebook without getting whatever answers she so desired and made her way to the dresser. She pulled open the top drawer to find a mess of headphones, microphones, drumsticks, guitar picks, and a few speakers.

Sighing, she shuffled through it to find a Bluetooth speaker, placing a few items on the top of the dresser to clear her view. Her finger hooked on something soft, a vast difference from the constant wood and metal that occupied the drawer, and she pulled the item out from the back of the drawer slowly. The black lace panties made Florence drop them back into the drawer quickly, taking a step backwards. When she got over the initial shock, she slowly picked them back up by her thumb and forefinger, holding them a good distance away from her face as she analyzed them. She would recognise her favourite pair of underwear anywhere; the pair that had gone missing after Corbyn’s birthday celebration. When she got home the next morning, they weren’t on her. Why the hell were her used underwear in Daniel’s bedroom drawer?

Florence could feel her heart racing in her chest as she descended the stairs, the underwear hidden in her fist, and her drink forgotten on the dresser. The whole world felt like it was spinning as she walked ever so slowly into the living room. Her friends greeted her casually and she barely comprehended Jack asking where the speaker was. Florence stopped in front of the couch where Daniel sat with Cayleigh still draped over his lap. The two looked up at her, the room falling into silence except for the music still playing in the background. Daniel’s glance fell to her hand, the black lace peeking out from her white-knuckled grip. The colour drained from his face and he slowly looked back up to her expressionless stare as she spoke darkly,

“We need to talk.”

#oooooo #daniel seavey #wdw #why dont we #college!wdw #daniel seavey fanfic #daniel seavey imagines #wdw fanfic #wdw imagines #why dont we fanfic #why dont we imagines #limelight #jonah marais #corbyn besson #zach herron #jack avery #writing #anything but mine #daniel seavey fic

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vias-words · 4 years

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13 Reasons Why SPOILERS

Okay so I have feelings and I need to express them so here goes

Season 3 had me angry the whole time but I needed to watch s4 just to know what happened to the characters. But I finished the series feeling like nothing had actually happened? Like yes, we saw some of the aftermath of all of the events, especially in Clay, but what was the BIG storyline? S1 was Hannah’s story, s2 was the trial, s4 was Bryce’s murder. S4? Trailers made it seem like it was that someone was going to reveal what happened to Monty and who murdered Bryce but was there wasn’t enough tension to keep the stakes up. Like we found out that a lot of it was Clay way too soon. Diego and Winston never really posed that big of a threat to carry the story either. So it ended up feeling like a weird mix of events that didn’t feel very cohesive to me. Maybe I’m just a bitter TV production major but the story just doesn’t hold up for me.

With that out of the way, there’s still so much I want to talk about. To make it easier, I will break it down into character starting with Clay.

Clay: First off, Dylan is an amazing actor and really sold his scenes. But Clay’s story this season just annoyed me. He was the king of bad decisions to the point where it was just hard to watch--and especially hard to follow. I think showing his metal health spiral is important but they did it in such an unrealistic way. There were way too many Monty and Bryce hallucinations. I think if he saw flickers of them, like if he a jock in the letterman jacket and he thinks its Monty for a split second and freaks out a bit before realizing it’s not him, that would make sense. Seeing them and talking to them all the time just felt a bit cheap. As for the disassociation and the other scenes like the car crash or the school shooter, I found them so confusing. There’s a way to fake people out like that, but they didn’t execute it well and I just found it kind of annoying. i think Clay is a good character but they could have done the metal health storyline much better.

Ani: In terms of writing, she wasn’t done well in S3 but I didn’t hate her as a person. I think she was better this season and I did actually like her. It seems like the backlash from s3 caused her to have very little screentime and it felt a bit weird for her to disappear or be left out. She didn’t have much to do this season overall.

Jessica: Love her. I just wish all her storylines weren’t boy-centric. Everything with HO and her being president should have had more importance. I like her with both Diego and Justin honestly but Justin would have been end game.

Justin: Deserved better. Wayyy better. His whole character arc and recovery was wonderful. Killing him off felt so wrong. So wrong. It would have been so much better if he found out he had HIV in the beginning of the season and showed him dealing with that, as well as recovery, and he overcame it. Because the message that his story ends with is that if you fuck up, your life is ruined forever, because he ended up dying young anyways. Not fair and felt so unnecessary, put in just for shock value. This death stuck with me because it was the least deserved and hurt the most. I could go on.

Tony: I wish his family’s deportation was talked about more but I’m glad he had the ending he deserved. Wasn’t really interested in the boxing storyline because I didn’t understand the point all that well. It felt like it was just a means to an end for the writers.

Zach: Okay, they can’t show him struggling with a whole alcohol addiction and not even address it. He was always one of my favorite characters and I think it makes sense that he would spiral out of control, but he also deserved a recovery. There should have been more development to his story.

Alex: I liked Alex a lot this season. I’m glad they made him interested in guys, because I thought they’d never touch on it again after he got a boner with Zach that one time and they had me wondering. Since most of this season was about his relationships, I need to address them each. I wasn’t a Zalex shipper but I would have liked to see them together if they went down that road. Even though they didn’t get together, the way Zach treated the kiss was perfect and, even though they would have worked together well, I love their friendship--and that will last longer than a high school relationship. Now, I will get to my feelings on Winston as a character, but that aside, I got the most chemistry from this pairing. They had the best moments together where they both seemed very interested in each other and Alex seemed happy. It was a great chance for him to explore his sexuality. I wouldn’t say I ship it but I liked them together the best off of what we saw. Finally, Charlie. As much as I would like this to work, I did not get the same chemistry for them. The lockdown scenes were great but other than that, Alex didn’t show the same interest for Charlie as he did with Zach and Winston. He kept rejecting him, both before they started dating and for the prom, and was kind of mean to him when Charle was only ever nice. But then suddenly Alex says he loves him at the prom? They had so few positive scenes together before that. It was too rushed and I can’t see it lasting long at all. But the family dinner scene was really nice and it was sweet to see them as prom kings.

Charlie: I adore this man. Everything he said was so sweet and innocent. He was the only character I never got mad at. I wish Alex seemed to reciprocate his feelings more but I just don’t see them working out. Their personalities clashed too much and Charlie put in so much effort for Alex to give so little back. It just doesn’t work for me. But I’m so glad he was here to bring some postivity to this season. He’s a great character and they needed his voice of reason.

Winston: I had a fat crush on this man in s3 but that was gone by s4 when he turned out to be pretty weird. I think there was so much more that could have been done with this character. I think its due partly to the confused storyline that I talked about at the start but I think he should have been on one side or the other: either a real antagonist or someone who changes to be one the protagonists side. I though dating Alex would have done that latter but it ended so abruptly that it left Winston at their weird in between point where his dedication to the Monty and Bryce case just felt weird. Not to mention his obsessiveness. Like falling in love with Monty and Alex so quickly and being so hung up on Monty after they hooked up like twice and Monty beat him up. Maybe this could have worked if they explored his character more but he felt very undeveloped which didn’t work well for someone who could have been a great antagonist. I think this season could have been improved a lot with a strong antagonist.

There’s more I could say and characters I missed but I’m going to leave it there because those are my biggest opinions. Feel free to disagree of course! I just think this season could have been a lot better if they went in a different direction and I will never be able to forgive what they did to Justin.

That’s all from me. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk

#13 reasons why #13 reasons spoilers #13rw

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fluorescentpipedream · 4 years

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I love when new characters talk to me, and especially when they involve established characters in what they’re telling me. So here’s a few new things

-Reverend is RJ’s son, with his brother’s wife. When RJ first came into my head, he established he was Rev’s uncle and his brother hated him because he’d fucked his wife, not once but twice. The first time was 2 days before their wedding and the second happened sometime in the middle of their marriage, before Rev was born.

Turns out there’s a bit more to that. RJ and Willow (There’s a reason all of the Jamison boys have weird names, mom was a hippie, though now she’s turned into more of a Stepford) has been dating throughout most of high school. Or...what you might call dating. RJ would take her out on his bike, they’d have sex and then get dinner somewhere before he’d take her home. He was very much in love with her but him going nowhere fast in life scared her because she wanted security more than love. RJ’s brother Darren somehow convinced her that his brother was never going to marry her, or give her a safe, secure life (he was in a gang, after all) and so she ended up running off with him. Pissed and hurt because his brother not only stole his girl but it seemed that his girl never actually loved him, RJ got her into bed with one more time, before they were married, and had his way with her. Afterward, he told her she’ll never get what she wants out of his brother, they both know she’s a trashy little whore and likes to be treated like it. She slapped him, married his brother and 2 years later had their first son, Dax. (I’ll have to figure out everyone’s ages, the way it’s looking RJ might be 50 instead of 42)

When Dax is 5, RJ was just getting out of jail and with nowhere to go, he fell onto his brother’s house in suburbia, seemingly trying to get his feet back on the ground. The Slayers have his back, of course, but he spent 7 years in jail for possession with intent to sell and was released due to overcrowding and the non-hostile nature of his crime made him less of a dangerous criminal. His brother spends several days berating RJ, continuously referring to him by Robert instead of his monicure, which he hates. When Darren leaves home for a business trip, he tells his brother he can stay for another week, then he’s got to leave. He can’t have “his type” in this neighborhood. Willow ends up crawling into bed with him the same night her husband leaves on his trip and the two spend most of that week doing nothing other than each other. Before Darren returns home, RJ tells Willow he’s leaving, she’s not going to get to keep him as a fuck toy unless she tells his brother the truth.

Afraid of losing her nice house and fancy car, she instead tells Darren that RJ raped her and threatened Dax. Darren confronts his brother and the two go at each other, ending with RJ pulling his switchblade on his brother and telling him that Willow is only with him for his money. Enraged and unable to think straight, RJ breaks into their house while the two are visiting the Hamptons and steals money that Darren has hidden, even from his wife, in Dax’s toy box. He ends up arrested, this time for trespassing but there’s no real proof he did anything. Dax had been home when it happened, never really allowed to go to the Hamptons or anywhere else with his parents and told the police that RJ only got him some water and spent the night on the floor of his room before leaving when the babysitter came back. His parents get in a little trouble because their sitter wasn’t staying all night though they claim not to know anything about that.He’d seen his uncle but refused to tattle on time, RJ never hurt him, didn’t even threaten him. (Who threatens a 5 year old?)

Willow seeks out RJ about 4 months later and says she’s pregnant with his kid and he needs to take “responsibility for his crimes against her” He tells her to get fucked, if she wants him to take care of it so bad, give him the kid. She never comes back, and 5 months later gives birth to Reverend. Her husband knows he’s RJ’s kid and they raise Rev with the same kind of hands-off, who cares as long as we’re rich, mentality that Dax had gotten up til then.

-When Rev gets into middle school he meets Zachary Sullivan, though because of a speech impediment he’s unable to say Zach, he starts calling his new friend Jax. Jax takes it, originally finding the younger boy annoying but eventually they become pretty fast friends. Especially since Jax is the “wrong sort” Willow and Darren want their son hanging around, that fuels a fire in both boys and they become inseparable. Jax learns about blood brothers from something he’s reading so he and Rev do that, cutting their hands and agreeing they will always be friends. Every attempt by Darren and Willow to separate the boys fail, and eventually Rev’s parents throw in the towel and give up altogether.

-when Jax is 19, he tries to go through the Slayers’ initiation, which culiminates in getting into a pit with the leader’s pet tiger, Zara. She’s generally well behaved but a bit battle scarred as she’s been doing this for some time. (RJ gave her the scar above her right eye when he went through it when she was still young) Rev never made it past the first round of tests, but he’s supporting Jax when he climbs into the tiger pit. Jax can’t stand the heat, though bows out gracefully as you can when faced with a massive tiger growling at you. He’s told to leave, but at least gained the respect of the Slayers.

-Jax joins a small gang of petty car thieves, and Rev does as well and over time, Jax becomes their leader, pushing the original guy down below him. Damien is pissed but Jax doesn’t stay in that position all that long. He gets involved with a man named John but is rather unceremoniously thrown into a dumpster when John’s friend Ryki, who is also a member of Jax’s gang, finds out what kind of abusive boyfriend he is.

-Rev, having just been arrested while the Jax, John and Ryki thing is happening, is bailed out by his father who is utterly disgusted by the boy with scattered tattoos, and blue streaks in his hair (which John did). While driving Rev home and angrily venting about how this behavior is going to stop, Darren pops off with how he shouldn’t be surprised, Rev is turning out just like his good for nothing father. Confused, Rev asks what he means and finds out Darren’s side of the truth, which his mother repeats, almost word for word. Angry and confused, he asks Dax, who is packing to leave home as well, not wanting to deal with this train wreck of a family anymore. Especially since their parents now have Falco, their baby brother and model to dote on and use. Dax tells him that no matter what mom and dad say, uncle RJ has never been anything but kind to him. He tells Rev that he remembers their mom going into the room RJ was staying in willingly, a lot, and only getting mad when he told her he was leaving. He also tells Rev that RJ would probably have been a better father. Dax leaves that night and never looks back, moving to Las Vegas.

-Rev originally wanted to get RJ to help him but after meeting an angry Jax after Ryki “threw him away” and his crazy mother kicked him out after finding out her son is gay, the two decide to just leave California and never look back. Rev steals about $700 from his mother’s purse, and get into Jax’s POS car. Wherever it stops, they stop. They wind up in southern Illinois, moving into a small apartment complex in Belleville together. Jax isn’t gay, he’s bi, but very homophobic even towards himself. Rev meets Drake and Jax starts dating Kristy and the rest is history.

-Skip to 2006, RJ gets a call from his sister in law out of the blue telling him that his son, Reverend, has just married a psychopath in southern IL and they now have some kind of demon spawn together, before hanging up. RJ is, admittedly, a little confused by the entire conversation and thinks nothing of it until the uprising in the Slayers following the death of their leader and Queenie’s promotion to their new leader. Some understand and follow the “family don’t end in blood” rule (meaning if you’ve been brought into the Slayers and completed the initiation through the blood rite, you become family and the selection of leaders is passed on through the lines, even if that means a 3 year old kid is now your boss) Others, like the Vikings and a handful of others tried challenging the rule, causing dissent and ultimately infighting leads to RJ getting shot, twice. The first time was from Rollo when he tried to shoot Queenie. Rollo pays for that mistake by taking a barbed wire baseball bat to the face, courtesy of RJ and dies of a broken neck. The second time is by Lisa “Lagratha” his ex-lover whom he broke up with after he starting pursuing his current girlfriend and the mother of his child. While he’s on the ground and with a bullet in his hip he realizes he has a kid he’s never known, is about to be a father again and has a grandchild and he wants to have something resrmbling a relationship with them. Even if Rev tells him to fuck off, at least he would have tried.

-RJ volunteers to go to IL and speak with the gang leaders in Chicago and the Scorpions of East St Louis, figuring he’ll stop in to see Rev and the so-called psychopath while he’s there. After being met at the border of Chicago and threatened by the Marcone crime family, he heads down to Belleville to find Reverend. What he finds is pretty close to what he’d been expecting. While Drake is a little odd, her and Rev are sweet together and the boy found genuine love with her. The two talk outside for a while, RJ tells Rev he’s about to be a father himself and would like more than anything to be part of his life and that of his granddaughter’s as well if Rev would have him. Rev doesn’t put much thought into it, telling him that he and his family are going to be moving back to LA in a few months after they settle some things here, since he got offered an internship at Henson Studios and they’re going to be closer, he’d love to have Sunny know an actual grandpa, as opposed to his now estranged parents.

-RJ tells Rev by agreeing to spend time with him, he, Drake and Sunny are coming under the protection of the Slayers and if they need anything they have a very large family watching out for them. Through Rev, he also gets to meet with the East St Louis Scorpions and strikes a deal with their leader wherein one (or more if they want)of their guys gain access to the Slayers in LA and have a permanent place in their meetings and vice versa.

-RJ has two vehicles (3 if you count the silver bullet trailer he lives in), one is a ‘96 Trans AM he’s been rebuilding for a while. This is what he drives to Illinois.

The second is his motorcycle, a Harley Davidson sportster with custom exhaust. This is what he was riding when he meet Jamie.

((Side note, Ragnar and his Vikings don’t end up leaving LA completely, as he gets involved with a good little Catholic boy, and tries to convince Ireena that he didn’t know Rollo and Floki were going to start an all out uprising with them and he, Lagretha and some younger ones would like to return to the Slayers, since no one else will have them)))

(((One other side note, RJ wears a small vial of blood around his neck hidden inside of a hollowed out bullet casing. He said it’s the leaders’ and his best friend’s blood, which he keeps close to his heart at all times. He notices that Rev wears one too and when he asks why, rev tells him it’s just a bullet from he and Jax were younger and struck up their blood brother pact. They had found the bullets along a back road and Rev emptied and cleaned them, filling them with sand and turning them into pendants that both the boys still wear. RJ makes a crack about Rev winding up like him after all when Rev tells him the relationship he and Jax have is thicker than blood. )))

#characters #new #skeet ulrich #synyster gates #gangs

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extraordinarilyunexceptional · 4 years

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It has honestly been a roller coaster of a week. Yesterday was my first day back to working on site and it actually was amazing. It felt so good to wake up in the morning and put on my favorite scrubs. I drove to work jamming to some great tunes, walked into the medical building and took a deep breath and just felt such a sense of relief to be able to sit at my own desk and do my job and be successful at it. It was such a busy yet laid back day, I did so much yet everyone I spoke with that day was so kind and understanding. Working as an operator, I get a lot of rude and ignorant people who would rather yell at me than be calm and listen to what I am advising them to do, but I did not really experience that yesterday and I truly think that that was a blessing in disguise yesterday. I had a great phone call with a very special guy on my drive home and it just felt good. It felt normal.

I had a really great shower once I returned home. There’s something calming about standing in hot water and just letting life soak in for a hot second. It is definitely very calming for me. I hung out with the family and watched some Criminal Minds and jammed to so good music. I mean overall my day was super happy but there’s been this lingering sadness and I’m not entirely sure why. There’s this guy that I met during this whole quarantine mess who is super cool! Heckin’ amazing! We share a lot of memes and music and I think after this quarantine ends and we can finally meet in person, we could become great friends. I think he got the wrong impression from me though because said that he just wanted to be friends and I was a bit confused at first because being friends with him was my only intension. Talk about stressors. I feel like he dropped two bombs on me in one text message like I didn’t even know he felt for me in the first place and next thing you know he’s making the executive decision that he just wants to be friends? Without even asking me about how I feel? I just don’t get that I guess. It comes off as a bit rude and inconsiderate towards me. I mean the guy is an incredibly respectful person I know he meant no harm, but it still bothers me I guess? And now it’s just really hecking awkward to be in groups with him because he just is kind of awkwardly silent whenever I say something and I truly hate that.

Something a lot of people don’t know about me is that I am a survivor of physical/domestic abuse. It is definitely not an easy subject for me to talk about. I have a lot of PTSD from both experiencing and witnessing that sort of abuse. Lately, some of my friends have been making domestic abuse jokes and usually I am pretty good about blocking it out and removing myself from those types of conversations. But for some reason I am not able to do that with this group of people. So the first time it happened I stood up for myself and kindly asked them not to make those sort of jokes. Someone kind of laughed it off and made it seem like I was overreacting. So then I kind of lost a bit of my composure and was like “For personal reasons I don’t need to disclose, this is a triggering subject for me and I would appreciate you guys not making jokes about it” and they understood that I guess. I wasn’t trying to be snarky or anything but I had to protect myself and my own heart. And then last night some people started defending a very famous celebrity who was a horrible abuser to his former girlfriend and I asked them to stop and they didn’t so I left the call and had a mini panic attack because 1) I didn’t want them thinking I was being overly dramatic, it is literal trauma that I have experienced and it’s a trigger for me and 2) How many times does it take for someone to realize that it’s a trigger for others. If you’re going to talk about a subject that triggers others at least put a trigger warning. Warn the person that you’re going to be discussing this subject so that they can protect their mental health. Maybe I am more empathetic abut these situations because I’ve experienced it myself, but that doesn’t mean people who haven’t experienced abuse have the free pass to talk about anything they want and not know that some subjects do bring harm to others.

I’ve been struggling a lot with body positivity. I just generally feel gross in my own skin and I want to be able to lose weight and tone my body healthily but it is so incredibly easy to fall back into old habits, and that is something I am very very scared of. I have been good at making sure I eat 3 meals a day, and I am working on drinking more water, but I still feel gross. I mean stretch marks are beautiful, being chubby or bigger is beautiful, and I show no shame towards any body type. I just don’t feel very good in my body. I think a lot of it has to do with being home all the time. I just feel like a freaking couch potato and I lack so much motivation. I am working on it, but it is still something difficult to have to deal with every day.

My relationship with God kind of sucks right now. It takes a lot for me to admit that, but it is the truth I am afraid to admit it to my friends. But as I was writing this I had the impulsive desire to ask my women’s group to hold me accountable for doing daily quiet times. Yesterday it really hit me how little I know about my faith. And I want to change that. I want to know God and I want to be able to speak with knowledge about Him. I guess that’s the first step to fixing any issue right? Admitting that you’re doing something wrong.

I’m feeling a lot of emotions right now. I was also reminded yesterday that it is okay to ask your friends and family to hold you accountable for things. It is okay to say “hey I am struggling with this and I need your help.” I am always afraid to ask for help because I am held to such high standards that people expect me to be able to do things without anyone’s help. I guess I am just now starting to realize how my childhood is affecting my adult life. It is really hard for me to confront that reality knowing that I have experienced so much pain and trauma. It is really hard for me not to dissociate because I am so sick of feeling pain. I am so sick of letting my trauma and suffering define me. I try so hard to pretend like it doesn’t and that I am fine and healed and that I have closer, but the truth is I don’t. I don’t think I will ever have that if I am being honest. Maybe that is the key to fulfillment, not necessarily having clarity and closure from things by understanding every little thing about what had happened, but by understanding that some questions are never answered. I will never know why Zach cheated on me as many times as he did. I will never understand why he would tell me he loved me and then hurt me the way he did. I will never understand why my dad would think it is okay to hit a woman, or anybody for that matter. I will never understand why my mom loves him regardless of that, or why my parents don’t understand how hard it is to live a life with strict parents who don’t understand or trust you. But this is my life and I have to accept that and learn to be happy despite all of that.

Just remember that no matter what, God loves you. That is the only thing that gets me through life nowadays.

Be strong

#mental health #domestic abuse #physical abuse #me too movement #you are not alone #god is good #love yourself #love god #be strong

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canyouhearthelight · 4 years

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The Miys, Ch. 108

And we are somewhat caught up! My queue has run out at least, and I’m astoundingly glad it has, because now I get to thank a bunch of people who have just detonated my inbox with love, and kept me going.

Before I get into the gratitude: If, at any point, a comment a character makes does not make sense, please let me know. Send an ask, even on anon, because I am well aware that everything in my brain does not get a chance to make it in the story (example: Charly’s triangle comment here, and the fact that Noah’s dialogue in the beginning has an actual translation…)

First, shoutouts to @charlylimph-blog, @baelpenrose, and @quantumizedinsanity for the characters in this chapter and for being very, VERY dear friends to me. A global pandemic and nationwide protests, along with a job change and a major move, have done nothing to hurt friendships that are already cross-country from each other.

Annnnd to everyone who has been blowing up my notes with likes and reblogs: @dierotenixe(hang in there! i PROMISE!), @iamverypotato,@itscryptifssil, @steadynightninja, @thepalemarcher, @feral-possums-in-the-bog, @26fancyraptors(MISSED YOU!), @werewolf2578 (we don’t talk enough, how are you!?), @experimentalspades, @odd-dream-worlds, @duchess-katala03, @pineapplewitchboi, @dark-choclat-cupcake, @littleshydragon, and all the others.

I held my breath, bracing for what I knew was coming. Nothing came after several minutes, to my surprise. I slowly lifted my head and opened my eyes, focusing on drawing deep, even breaths. Maybe he got bored and wandered off. Maybe he had mercy on me….

Yeah. And maybe Grey is making genetically modified fish that fly.

Slowly, carefully, I grabbed my fork and lifted a bite of pie to my mouth. A glance at Charly showed a serious expression, nothing given away. Damnit. I knew she could see Arthur behind me, I was hoping for a telltale giggle, or a warning glance, something. Right when a traitorous voice of reason spoke up belatedly to point out that Charly was never serious…

“You really will adopt anyone, won’t you?” Arthur asked as he came around to take the chair Jokul had just vacated.

Fuuuuuck…. Busted. “I didn’t adopt him!” I tried to argue. “I actually made a very concerted effort to avoid that!”

Unceremoniously, he snagged Charly’s pot pie, only to have his hand held at fork-point until he let go. Without even acknowledging the lunch-standoff, he leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms. “You tried to ‘avoid’ it by foisting him off on Zach Khan, your… nephew, thing, and his girlfriend. Still adoption-adjacent.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to interact with him.”

“Uh huh. And how will you explain to poor Hannah that dear Ivan’s partner isn’t invited to Insert Winter Holiday dinner, hmmm?”

“I hate you.”

“Lies and deceit,” he rebutted calmly. “You adopted me first. Before anyyyyone on this ship. I daresay you’re quite fond of me.”

I scowled at him, shoving my remaining lunch in his direction. “Here, before you start poaching this direction.”

An eyebrow arched in the general direction of my fish pie. “That looks suspiciously like dairy. You wound me.” Grabbing my fork, he poked at the lumps of meat. “I would have thought you would be at least a little subtle in any assassination attempts. Have I taught you nothing?”

“Of course you taught me something,” I cooed, jokingly, while I patted his arm. “The fastest way to a man’s heart is six inches of steel through the ribs, slight upward angle. Cyanide smells like bitter almonds, so always use shortbread cookies to administer it. Three pounds of pressure will tear off a human ear, and even a three year old can bite through fingers,” I recited. “Also, the pie is dairy-free, surprisingly. The ‘cream’ is silken tofu and aquafaba, turns out.”

Charly was choking with laughter, while Arthur finally smiled at me. “See, I told you that you love me,” he gloated before scooping up a scallop and some crust. As soon as he started chewing, his expression changed from one of amusement to something strikingly similar to Mac when I flick water in his face.

“Scallops,” I explained. “I had the same reaction.”

“Heathens,” he managed around the mouthful. After he swallowed it, he gave the dish a considering look. “Not bad per se, but… There is no fish in this fish pie. What is aquafaba?”

“Chicpea juice. Usually it’s used as an egg substitute. I guess they used it for consistency here.”

Charly leaned forward, narrowly avoiding landing an elbow in her lunch. “And how can you tell that’s what’s in there?”

Glancing over at his student, Arthur shrugged. “She has a point. This,” he poked at the sauce, “looks like heavy cream.”

“Tastes kind of nutty, though,” I explained. “Anyway, enough about food. What brings you down here?”

“Galactic Core Curriculum,” he explained. “That’s the excuse anyway. Alistair - Cthulu damn his soul - told me you were eating lunch here after fifteen minutes of questioning. Tyche told me Charly was with you, so I figured lunch with you, lunch with one of my favorite students, plus I can kill two errands with one meal.” Charly stared at him like he had lost his mind, but he ignored her. “When I arrived - lo! What to my wondering eyes should appear, than a certain former cult leader harassing said friend and student! What person could resist such a temptation.” Deflating dramatically, he scowled at me. “Imagine my delight to hear you giving him relationship advice,” he intoned flatly.

“I got him to go away,” I pointed out.

“Before I managed even one strike in a highly one-sided battle of wits.“

“Mr. Farro,” Charly cut off, glaring for all she was worth. “Jokull came in peace, he leaves in peace.”

“Oh, he would have left in pieces. His ego anyway.”

“Fucking triangles, I swear,” Charly muttered, attacking her lunch with renewed violence.

“Anyway,” I forged ahead. “Jokul was here for fifteen, twenty minutes. You had your chance.”

He glanced away with a cough. “I… may have been resisting the urge to vomit.”

“Arthur.”

“Relationship advice is… not in my skillset,” he admitted. “Tell you your partner is abusive? Can spot a mile a way. Great for getting people out of bad relationships, with concierge crowbar service if necessary. Not great for saving them.”

“Crowbar? Really?”

“You know, for prying people out of bad situations?” He genuinely looked confused, so I left that one alone.

“For what it’s worth, Jokull wanted to talk to you about what he’s going through right now,” Charly added.

“Why in any galaxy…”

I had to laugh at that one. “Everyone treats him poorly,” I shrugged before giving Arthur a pointed look. “He’s having a rough time right now, feels like he has no one to talk to except Ivan, and thought you would have some insight into that kind of thing.”

“What part of this,” he gestured to himself with a fork, “implies anything remotely close to wanting people to like me and therefore actually knowing how to accomplish that.”

“I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer,” I muttered.

Giving me a hard, thoughtful look, Arthur’s entire demeanor changed. “Ah… On a more serious note, though… yeah. I don’t get why people not liking you is a problem, but you’ve told me before it’s something that bothers you, so it’s feasible it bothers other people. I’ll make a point not to make it worse.”

Clearing my throat, I pushed the conversation on to the next topic. “You mentioned two errands earlier. One for me, one for Charly?”

“Right.” The relief to be changing topics was palpable. “For you, Councillor, Galactic Core is almost finished. Eino is already considering other ongoing-education programs, and you’re going to need to start scouting educators again. That late-twentieth through contemporary Terran history course? Big support-base, turns out.”

“You wouldn’t tell me this without a reason,” I pointed out. “And you’re a History teacher. Volunteering?”

“I want it done right,” he admitted. “The idea being bounced around isn’t for a requirement that everyone take the course. Not at the same time, anyway. History-focused educators only, approved curriculum.”

“Approved?” I asked. “By whom?”

“A committee,” he shrugged. “Eino, obviously. Xiomara, with her background - which, by the way, is ridiculous - “

“We know, we know,” Charly and I groaned.

After glancing between us for a moment, Arthur continued. “And me.”

“Why you?” I asked. “No offense, just trying to understand.”

“No offense taken, I’ll explain that part later, but I promise it’s for a legitimate reason. The point is, Eino and his committee approve the curriculum and number of slots. You and Tyche make the decisions for who is allotted where.”

“Fair point,” I conceded.

“Fine. The area of history I focused on for my Master’s degree has an important component that ties a lot together and makes revisionism harder - wait. What?” I could almost hear the gears squealing as they ground to a halt. “Did you just say yes?”

“Basically, yeah.”

“That was… disturbingly easy,” he gave me a skeptical look. When all I did was grin, he slowly turned to Charly. “As for you, I wanted to talk to you about the assignment that’s due next Friday.”

“I already turned it in,” she pointed out.

“Which is what I wanted to talk to you about. It’s a week and a half early.”

“Right….” she nodded slowly. “And I made sure it met all the criteria on the syllabus. Plus I had three different people proofread it.”

“All of which is admirable, and it would be considered a very well-done assignment,” he admitted. “If you didn’t have an extra week and a half left to make it even better.”

“Mr. Farro….”

“You aren’t in trouble, in any way shape or form,” he reassured her. “But I know you are capable of doing better than the assignment you already gave me. I wanted to offer you a deal.”

“What kind of deal?” Charly asked suspiciously. “This isn’t illegal, is it?”

“What? No…” he sputtered. “Illegal!?”

“Gotta be sure,” she nodded sincerely. I was reasonably certain she was giving him a hard time, but it was still hilarious to watch.

Shaking his head, Arthur did his best to recover. “The deal is this: if you stick with the assignment you already sent me, I’ll grade it as it stands. But. If you re-do it and hand it in on the original due date, you’ll be eligible for extra credit for your extra effort.”

“But I still get the grade on the one you already have, either way?” she asked skeptically.

“I’ve already graded it, and you won’t get a worse grade if you re-do it,” he promised.

“I’ll think about it,” she hedged carefully. “That paper was a lot of work.”

“That’s fair,” he nodded. “What if you sent me an audio recording, instead? No extra writing.”

“I can do that,” she agreed, sticking out her hand. After Arthur shook it, she glanced at the time. “Shit. I gotta go. Sophia, don’t be late back to work, okay? Tyche won’t care, but Alistair may stop letting me have extra marshmallows in my cocoa when I come by your office.”

After she left, I gave Arthur a very serious look. He tried to ignore it, but after about five solid minutes of The Squint, he caved. “For the love of… She’s smart, okay? You know, I know it. The paper she handed in a week and a half early was much more insightful than anyone else in the class. They were assigned a research paper on the underlying causes of the breakdown in relations between the Ekomari and Shalt-kri’i. Everyone focused on political ideologies, trade resources, navigational route control. Standard causes for war, from a Terran perspective. Do you know what Charly Harper wrote her paper about?”

“Food?” I asked, going out on a limb.

“So close! Cultural differences, plain and simple. Ekomari are vaguely mammalian, and their diet consists of native arthropods. Guess what Shalt-kri’i look like?”

“You’re kidding me…”

“Not even slightly. And! To add insult to injury, in a very close to literal sense, Shalt-kri’i greet each other as friends by spreading their appendages, a lot like a hug. Whereas Ekomari show aggression by… standing up on their hindmost appendages and spreading the rest to look bigger.”

“And no one caught this before?”

“Not on the Ark, no.” He spread his arms wide. “No one even considered it. Sure, the rest are good points, and they did make everything worse, more than likely, but the start? She nailed it.”

“Then why have her re-write the assignment?” I was honestly confused at this point.

“The way she wrote it, I could tell she wasn’t confident about the answer at all.” He looked about as frustrated as I had ever seen him. “You get her talking about engineering, or pranks, she knows she knows what she is talking about. I want her to know that she is just as right about this as she was about that.”

Hard to believe that this was the same man whose office I had marched into, out for a pound of flesh and the blood besides, because the same woman we were discussing left his class in tears and begged me not to make her go back. However…

“Honestly?” I ventured. “I want to hear this recording when she hands it in. I’m really curious about this.”

“You think she’ll write it?”

“Pfft,” I scoffed. “I know she will. You gave her a challenge where she can’t lose, but stands a lot to gain. I just hope you’re ready for that sound file.”

“I honestly can’t wait,” he smirked.

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#the miys #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #found family #aspec #science fiction #original science fiction #earth is space australia #humans are space fae #hfy #fiction #original fiction #my writing #apocalypse #aliens #post-apocalypse

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connormichaelas · 5 years

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some random thoughts on season 3 of 13 reasons why.

- i loved tyler’s storyline. i love how, even though no one knew what happened to him, they were there for him and tried to help him get better. i loved the relationship that developed between clay and tyler and how tyler trusted him enough to tell his secret. (even though i kind of wish it was tyler and alex but i liked clay in this storyline as well). i loved how, after he finished telling his story, clay asked consent to hug him, i cried my fucking eyes out. i loved that when clay entered the gym, tyler felt strong enough to tell everyone in the school that he is in fact a sexual assault survivor. i loved that the football guy, i don’t remember his name, stood up for him and tyler got the justice he deserved. FINALLY SOMEONE! also the pictures that he took of everyone that helped him AHHH so beautiful! i loved everything about this arc.

- ani. so i’ve already seen a lot of critics regarding ani and i can’t say i disagree sadly. i think it was a mistake making her the narrator of the story. she just came across as obnoxious and like she is mrs. know-it-all when she’s only been around these people for a few months. and despite the fact that she thinks she knows everyone, she still sleeps with bryce?? WTH? that was the biggest mistake the writers made. and then, when bryce grabs her by the pool, she never admitted to anyone she made a mistake or whatever. she still went to clay and jessica and pretended bryce really had changed. give me a fucking break. also she suspected everyone and dragged clay with her which was so fucking annoying.

- then i can already start my next bullet. the fact that the writers tried to make bryce a redeemable character?????? FUCK YOU. NO! in the end he turned out to be the same spiteful human being he always had been. when he said he would make zach’s life a living hell just because zach beat him up after ALREADY MAKING HIS LIFE A LIVING HELL. if he had changed, he would understand why zach acted the way he did. i support zach 100% and he should have thanked him for being there for chloe. instead he acted like a jealous jerk, and even if he was just a random ex boyfriend, he would have no right to act like one. but he’s not. he’s her fucking rapist, and chloe had to make one of the hardest decisions ever because of it.

- let’s see... montgomery.. i think this subject is very debatable, and i’m kind of scared to say anything about it tbh. i think montgomery actually had some depth, and i’m so confused as to what all happened in the last episode. i just never thought they would do something like this. montgomery is a gay, hispanic man and he gets sent to prison while the white guy (bryce) gets to be a free man and gets to seek redemption. montgomery however, never gets that chance and gets framed for murder instead... it reminded me of the time in how to get away with murder when they framed wes for everything because he was dead and somehow that makes it okay? no. don’t get me wrong, what montgomery did was absoluty horrible and he SHOULD be locked up for it, but bryce deserved the same kind of punishment. and the fact that he gets killed off within 2 secs and the only thing everyone thinks is: YAY, now if we grab our chance and we can all live happily ever after.. not okay.

- ALEX. my absolute favourite since day 1. i don’t know. i kind of expected that he would be the one who did it but at the same time ahhh how can i still love a murderer? but the fact is, he really tried to help bryce but the only thing bryce could do in that moment is prove that he’s still the same piece of shit he has always been. alex acted before thinking. he wanted to protect all the people he loved and i don’t want to condone murder but i just :( the only thing that makes me really angry is that we barely saw him all season and we don’t know exactly what goes on in his mind and basically the only thing we saw was him being heartbroken over jessica. also i hate justin and jessica together. alex deserves better than that.

i have more to say but this post is already way too long. overall i think it was a really interesting season, they just made it too long and morally wrong. i hope in the 4th season they realize they can’t live with this lie.

#13 reasons why #alex standall #mine

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13-reasons-ideas · 5 years

Text

Finding Peace in Another Part 2

The really tall boy who had introduced himself as Zach piped up and said he also had history and Peer Communications and he would take me. I nodded and felt a few pairs of eyes on me as we walked away. Turning back, I caught Bryce staring at my ass. I didn’t pay much mind to it since he’s just a hormonal teenage boy. Not like he would do anything to hurt me. I also noticed Montgomery and Scott looking at me, though they were decent enough to keep the staring to G rated areas and to a minimum. Zach and I were able to strike up a conversation on the way to class.

“So what were your classes like back home Rebecca?” He asked smiling.

“Becca please. And classes were good. I technically already did Social Studies 30 but my credit didn’t transfer. So I have to take History.”

“Man, that blows. At least Coach Rick makes it interesting so you might not be too bored in class.”

“Meh, it’s alright. What is this Peer Communications thing we all have to take?” I asked him.

“Oh that. That’s just a class where we learn about people. Like each other, in a safe area to share feelings. It used to be optional, but there was an incident last year, so now it’s a mandatory class for all students.” He explained, getting quiet near the end.

I nodded. I had heard about Hannah Baker. I googled the town when Dad told me we were moving. And I knew all too well what an “incident” like that would cause and how it was likely to be dealt with. “Okay, so it’s kind of like Career and Life Management without the career part?”

“Uh.. I guess? Yeah, sort of.” He replied slightly confused. We had arrived at the class and I sat next to Zach.

“It’s a class we had to take to graduate back home. We talked about things like feelings and safe sex and consent. But also like how to pay bills and get a job. Easiest A ever. You showed up and passed.” I explained to Zach. He nodded in understanding. As we got settled, a man who was obviously Coach Rick judging by his age and the fact that he was wearing a navy-blue track suit, came in and began class. Thankfully my dad had called the school and requested to skip out on the whole introductions thing for most classes. I unfortunately couldn’t get out of it for Peer Communications, but that comes with the nature of the class. After a VERY long hour and a half, class was finally over. Zach kindly offered to walk me to English because he also had a class near there.

English was almost, if not more boring than History. When I walked in to class, I realized we were reading To Kill A Mockingbird. The same book I had read in the tenth grade. Sighing, I took a seat next to a Hispanic guy with nice hair and a leather jacket. He looked up at me and smiled politely. “Hey. You’re new, right?” He asked.

“Yup. New girl, that’s me.” I chuckled back. He laughed at that and waved his book at me.

“You ready for the wonders of racism and children in a courtroom New Girl? Or were you going to tell me your name?”

“Rebecca. But please, call me Becca. So ready, Leather Jacket.”

He laughed out loud at that, drawing looks from other classmates. “Tony.” Before he could say more, the teacher, Mrs. Matthews began teaching. I avoided asking or answering any questions because I didn’t feel like getting praised for my knowledge on a book I had studied two years ago. When the hour and a half was up and the bell rang, I gathered my things and noticed Tony waiting at his desk for me. “You seemed very disinterested in that book. Not a reader?” He said to me as we walked out of the classroom.

“Oh no! I’m a huge reader. It’s just that I already studied this book in grade 10, so it wasn’t anything new for me.”

“Really... pretty and a reader, girl after my own heart.” He chuckled as if I was missing something. I looked at him as I tried to let him down easy. I’m not looking for a boyfriend didn’t really seem like the best choice, because it’s not like I’m not open to a relationship, just maybe not with someone I had said less than 50 words to. He laughed and put his hand on my shoulder, “my ex-boyfriend is the editor of a school magazine. Got used to having readers around.” I sighed in relief and apologized for the demise of his relationship. “Nah, don’t worry about it.” He said smirking. “So Becca, what’s your favourite book?”

My eyes lit up and I gushed all about my favourite book, Delirium, the rest of the way to the cafeteria. He smiled and nodded, asking questions so I knew I wasn’t boring him as we walked.

Walking into the cafeteria with Tony, I heard my name being called. I turned to the sound and smiled, waving at Bryce who started pointing to their table, calling me over. I nodded and said bye to Tony before making my way to their table.

“Hey.” I said sitting down at lunch and pulling out my sandwich and apple.

They waved and we made small talk until Montgomery and some blonde girl came over. She sat in Bryce’s lap and kissed him before one of the guys- Troy maybe- told them to get a damn room. Bryce flipped him off and the girl noticed me sitting there.

“Oh hi! I didn’t see you there! I’m Chloe, what’s your name?” She said happily.

“Rebecca, but people call me Becca.” I replied smiling at her. We all made small talk and shared pleasantries. As various people broke off into various different topics, Scott turned his attention to me.

“So, Becca. How are your classes so far?” He asked, his blue eyes shining under the fluorescent lighting of the cafeteria.

“Honestly? Boring as shit.” I told him plainly.

He smiled “oh? That good huh?”

“I already studied the book we are reading in English a year ago and I already know most of the stuff we talked about in History. I’m just dreading Math.”

Nodding, he chuckled “not good with numbers?”

“Not really?” I said laughing. “So I’m sure you can imagine how my dad, architect extraordinaire, reacted when I told him math is stupid and makes no sense.”

Scott laughed, his whole face lighting up. I noticed Montgomery looking at us but he looked away quickly. As Scott and I talked, he spent a great deal of lunch trying to explain baseball to me, never getting very far and using my half-eaten sandwich as bases, and my apple slices as players, I saw Montgomery keep sneaking glances our way. I wonder what his story is. Scott pulled me out of my thoughts asking “I don’t want to be rude but... what the hell is on this sandwich? It’s drier than cardboard in the sun.”

I laughed at his choice of words, “turkey and cheddar cheese. Plain. No sauce. Multigrain bread.” I answered as if it was obvious, which it was. Very obvious.

“Well alright then.” He chuckled and went back to trying hopelessly to explain the sport he so loved to me. I groaned as the bell rang gathering my things, dreading Math class. As I said my goodbyes and made my way out of the cafeteria, I heard someone hurrying to catch up to me. Turning around I saw that it was Montgomery.

“Hey Rebecca! Wait up.” He called. I usually hate being called Rebecca, but for some reason coming from him, it wasn’t all that bad. The way it rolled off his tongue made it sound so natural. He caught up to me and offered “I’ll walk you to class.” Nodding, we fell into step together and walked in a comfortable quiet. I realized that this was the first time all day, someone wasn’t interested in asking me all sorts of questions about myself. It was oddly nice. Arriving at my classroom he gestured “this is your stop. See you later?”

“For sure.” I replied. As he walked away, before I could think twice, I called after him “Hey Montgomery!” He turned to me questioningly. “I know this is forward, but I promised someone important a while ago I would take more risks. Would you like to come by later? I still have a lot of unpacking to do, and my dad won’t be home for at least another week. I could use another pair of hands, if you wanted or you didn’t have plans?” I asked, afraid to look at his face.

“Sure Rebecca, I’ll meet you at your locker after school?” He said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Sure thing.” I smiled and waved to him as I walked into my most dreaded class.

#montgomery de la cruz imagine #monty imagine #monty x oc #bryce walker #scott reed #monty de la Cruz fanfic #fanfic #creative writing #13 reasons why #finding peace in another

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keepseaveyweird · 5 years

Text

Could you pretty please do one being best friends with Anna and dating Daniel and you and him get into a fight at a party... you can pick the ending !

A/N: I’m sorry I take 78 years to answer and write requests but I really liked this concept but I’m not sure I did it justice so I’m so sorry if this is not what you imagined

You laid across her bed, watching Anna curl her hair as you twiddled your thumbs staring at your phone.

“Okay,” She started, standing up from her chair and making her way to her closet, “which dress?”

Anna held up two dresses, a simple little black dress with thin spaghetti straps and a low back as well as another black dress with one sleeved and a glimmer to it.

“Neither,” you told her, “If Daniel finds out I let his little sister out of the house in either of those, we’re both dead,” you laughed.

“Shut up,” Anna rolled her eyes with a smile, “Daniel will have to suck it up for the night, now pick one.”

It was later that night, you and your best friend walked in through a revolving door and made your way up to the top floor of, what seemed to be, a very important building. As you waddled into the elevator and started making your way up, the bass of the music got deeper, the volume grew louder. Once the doors opened to reveal the flashing colorful lights and the music blasting in your ears, you and her knew it was going to be one hell of a night.

Anna had gone with the one sleeved dress, lending you the short, backless one. Her dress sparkled with every step Anna took, the small sparkles catching every glimpse of light it could find.

You held Anna’s hand as you guided the both of you to the back of the room where the bar seemed to be. Glancing around to see a tuft of blonde hair or Jonah’s head popping out from the crowd, none of the boys seemed to be in sight yet.

“Do you see them?” Anna yelled to you over the music.

“Not yet, but let’s get a drink first,” you suggested.

Being taller than her, Anna pulled her your face down to hers, putting her mouth towards your ear so you could hear her

“I can’t tonight, Daniel can’t know or he’ll freak out,” She told her.

You knew he was protective, that your boyfriend was always on the lookout for his sister who just happened to be your best friend. That he was much like a dad, except worse because Jeff was ten times more lenient than Daniel was. But it wasn’t just his night to have fun, you thought, and one drink won’t hurt.

“What Daniel doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” you smiled, before walking over to the bartender and grabbing two shots. Handing one to Anna, you both gave each other a smile before tipping your head back.

It was half an hour later, and you and Anna had taken maybe one too many shots, as the two of you sloppily moved your bodies along on the dance floor. Neither of you were drunk, though it wouldn’t of taken much to send either of you over the edge. As you swayed your hips along to the remix the DJ was playing, a pair of arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his body, his head resting on your shoulder.

You turned your head to give him peck on the cheek, “D,” you smiled, “where’ve you been?”

Daniel began to move his body with yours, kissing your temple as he did so, “got here ‘bout a half hour ago, been looking for you ever since.”

You turned around to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck, “nice, so when do you have to go up to thank everyone?” you asked him, “it is your party after all.”

“Not for a while,” he told you, turning his head to see his sister moving a little too sensually for his liking, as a group of boys across the room were watching her. You felt him tense up, felt instant regret for even thinking of giving her those shots, as Daniel released his grip from your waist to take step over and pull his sister towards him.

“What are you doing?” Daniel demanded.

Anna looked confused, as her swaying quickly came to a halt, “nothing? What’s wrong?” You continued to look down at the ground as your two most favorite people began to argue in the middle of the dance floor.

“What’s wrong? You’re out here with every guy making googly eyes at you.” Daniel said, the veins in his arms and hands protruding as his frustration rose.

“So?” Anna yelled over the music, “it’s not like I’m gonna do anything with any of them, I came here to support you and your friends, not get it on with some guy!” She said, getting closer to Daniel and giving him a good push on the chest, letting out a huff.

Daniel stood right where he was, frozen in place as her huff of air hit his face.

“W- wha- what the fuck did I just smell on your breathe?” He said, his neck veins, arm veins, practically every blood vessel in his body bursting from anger.

“Who the hell got you those drinks?” He not so much asked rather than demanded. Anna’s head shot to the floor, determined not to let her best friend take the fall. But your guilt levels rose and rose and rose, along with Daniel’s temper.

“Anna Seavey, I swear-” He started, but you cut him off.

“It was me,” you admitted, Anna looking back up at you with confused eyes as to why you admitted it to him.

“You?” He said, turning his head as he stood in between you and your best friend, “it was you?”

You nodded your head, looking at your feet, humiliated by your actions. Suddenly, Daniel stormed off, pushing past the crowd and towards a door that lead to the staircase, in which he pushed open so forcefully you could hear it hit the wall over the buzz of the music.

Anna started speaking, “I’m so sorry-” but you cut her off, as it seemed to be a habit of the night.

“Don’t say you’re sorry, it was my fault. I’m gonna go work this out, I’ll be back.” You told her as she nodded her head and went to go find the rest of the boys.

You sprinted towards the door and ran down flights and flights of stairs, taking your heels off around floor seven. You were finally in the lobby of the building, empty and quiet with your boyfriend nowhere in sight. As you observed the lobby, you noticed the revolving door was still slowly spinning, in which you booked it out into the street. Glancing to the right, you see Daniel walking hastily down the sidewalk, already blocks away.

“Daniel!” you cried as you began running barefoot on the sidewalk. He continued his strut, not turning back around or glancing over his shoulder. With each step you inched closer to him, until suddenly you were on his tail, close enough to reach out and touch grab his arm.

It was then he turned around.

“Daniel,” you breathed out, looking into his eyes. And you took a moment to really see him, to see every muscle of his tall frame flexed and tensed, every breath he took shaky from anger or disappointment. His usually bright blue eyes a darker shade, much like when you reach the drop of the ocean or the color of clouds when it’s about to rain.

You could see he was upset, see he was angry, and no words in the entire English language could sum up how much regret you felt for even thinking of your silly idea.

“What? What do you have to say to me right now? You’re sorry you gave my baby sister alcohol? Sorry you let every man in that room take a long, good, look at her? Sorry you let Anna get tipsy? She’s eighteen for Christ’s sake!” He yelled at you.

He had never yelled, even gotten mad at your before. And you didn’t know what to say, because it was your first fight, first real fight. For the last three years of your relationship, the biggest argument the two of you had had was where to go for dinner, or whether or not you would follow him and the boys on tour. But nothing like this, there was no anger, or yelling or crying.

A single tear stained your cheek as you looked him in the eye, “I’m sorry Daniel okay? I don’t know what I was thinking, I don’t know why I did it, okay? But you’re only nineteen, only a year older than her, you’ve got to stop treating her like a baby. I love you Dani, but fuck, she’s my best friend! Can I not just have fun with my best friend? I mean, me and you would get wasted last year almost every weekend. We were eighteen then too, and to be honest it’s very hypocritical. We would get shit-faced almost every weekend? I get it, she’s your little sister and you want to protect her, but she’s an adult now. She can think for herself and stand up for herself, and trust me she will. If I walked up to Zach and handed him shot, you wouldn’t give it a second thought, and he’s your brother too, so why can’t you give Anna the same respect you give Zach?”

And you could see Daniel’s frustration and anger grow even more. Not because he hated what you had just told him, because he was about to explain to you all the reasons you were wrong and that you were a horrible friend and girlfriend. No, he was mad because you were right, mad because he was being hypocritical, because just before he approached you and his sister, he had just finished his first beer.

So the two of you stood there a minute, stood in complete silence, not sure what to say next.

“I need to think for a bit,” Daniel said before turning around and taking off down the sidewalk and heading towards Hollywood Boulevard.

You left him to think, respectful of the time he needed away. As you made your way up back to the party, Zach stopped you.

“Where’s Daniel? Our managers looking for him we have to go over our speech?”

“He’s uh… thinking right now. I think he’ll back soon.” You said sadly as a confused Zach walked away to find his bandmate.

You walked away as well to go find Anna, who you see leaned up against a wall as she scrolled through her phone.

“Hey, are you ready to go home?” You asked as you approached her.

“Are you sure, the boys haven’t given their speech yet? This tour kick off party is pretty important.” She asked concerned.

“I think they’ll, or at least four of them, will forgive us,” I suggested, looking up at the small stage where the DJ was.

“Is it that bad?” Anna questioned as you two made your way back to the Seavey house.

“I’m not sure yet,” you admitted truthfully.

It was hours later, almost three in the morning, as you laid next your best friend in bed wide awake still thinking of the events that had occurred. You had watched the boys give their speech on your phone, as it was recorded by Tyler. You watched as Daniel seemed to be faking a smile the whole time, not talking much. Thought about your fight, over something so stupid, so trivial. Thought that though it was stupid, maybe it wasn’t, because it was important to Daniel and knowing it would upset him, you did it anyway and soon the guilt began to sink in once more. You thought about how distant you felt from him, even though we was literally down the hall from you, as he was staying at his parent’s apartment recently.

Suddenly your phone began to buzz, and you saw those bright blue eyes light up the room as his contact picture popped up on the screen. Scared for what was about to come, you pressed the green button and put the phone up to your ear.

“Hello?” you whispered quietly.

“Come to my room,” he told you before hanging up.

You rolled out of bed, sure not to wake up Anna, and padded your way down the hall before creaking his door open. He was sprawled out on his bed, his comforter only covering him from the waist down as he sat up, leaned against his head board. His eyes met yours, as you stood in the doorway, not sure of what to do next, not sure exactly where you stood.

But his actions made it very clear, as he scooted over and patted the spot next to him. And when you climbed into his bed, he pulled you close and you laid you head on his chest.

“I’m so sorry,” you sighed into his chest.

Daniel chuckled, “you have nothing to be sorry for, love. You’re right you know? I’m too over protective, and I’m a hypocrite. And if Zach walked in drunk right now, I’d probably laugh, so I don’t know why I can’t have the same mindset with Anna,” He told her, drawing circles on your back.

“I get it, she’s your little sister,” you explained to him, “you just have to remember just because she’s your little sister, doesn’t mean she’s still little.”

Daniel kissed your lips, and you melted right into him like a hot knife through butter.

“I know that now, and I’ll try my best to stop being so overbearing. I’m sorry I over reacted,”

“And I’m sorry I let Anna do shots, next time we’ll start lighter,” you joked.

The two of you drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms, and when you woke up the next morning to a still-sleeping Daniel, you made your way to the kitchen to find Anna eating a bowl of cereal.

“So…” She started with smirk, “I’m guessing you and my brother are okay?”

You laughed while you nodded your head, “yeah, we’re just fine.”

#daniel seavey #jonah marais #jack avery #zach herron #corbyn besson #why dont we #fanfic #writing #blurbs #imagines #requests

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amazildoessomethingstupid · 5 years

Text

Chapter 96: Unspoken Rule

Man I thought it would be a lot longer before I did another of these, but as it turns out I fucking hate in between pages. Y’know, those pages between the actual good and interesting shit? Y’know the parts that are in between the fun parts, but you have to have them to actually move characters to the good parts? The parts that are boring and filler? Yeah as an artist/writer I hate those too and it took me most of the week to come up with a page to make it not boring as sin. Sadly this means, ANOTHER RANT! And this time we are taking a look at Unspoken Rule. But before we do, I’d like to share with you the bit of panic that set in and what kind of pressure I had on me when trying to force an update. For a second I thought that this rant was going to be about…

And I was very, very, scared.

Thankfully a friend notified me that I don’t know how to count, so we’re talking about this chapter instead! Boy what a relief that was, I thought. But it seemed a bit disappointing. I hadn’t heard anything of this page, seems like it’ll be a short rant. That won’t do. So I figured, “hey if there’s not much to say. Fuck it, we’ll do a double feature with the carnival…”

Sadly, I have something to say.

And we start with a good lighthearted joke. Although, that expression in the first panel throws it off a bit. The dialogue on the initial read says snark and sassy, but the face says honest concern, but then we show it is snarky. So the face is just, confusing. Not worth kicking up a fuss about, but definitely a headscratcher.

Anyway, on to what’s actually happening. Which is Mike is being nervous and back and forth about wanting to talk to Lucy and apologize. And it’s so weird to me. This is such a serious plot point, and major conflict in the story, yet this is played for laughs. And not even good laughs, just hollow jokes it feels almost tasteless. But not as tasteless as this:

BIG OOF

Alright guys, see this?

I am absolved of this being uncharacteristically brash and open. If Taeshi can do that kind of rudeness, so can I. Lucy is just so cold now, it feels bad. Not out of character, not unrealistic, just…bad.

But moving from that, we get into these two. And…

Awww…th-this is actually pretty sad. And engaging.

HEY! I SEE YOU REACHING FOR MY HEARTSTRINGS! YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY!

But seriously, this a very nice scene. It’s kind of touching, and it’s a moment I wish we had more of.

It’s…actually very nice. The characters are finally airing their grievances, and we’re getting somewhere. I…I actually like th-

OH YOU BACKSTABBING, HACK WRITING, BITCH! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! WHY ARE YOU STICKING YOUR DICK IN A GAS STATION MILKSHAKE?! BITCH,

ARE YOU FUCKING F’REAL SHAKES RIGHT NOW?! WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU FEEL THE NEED TO ADD THAT?! THIS JUST DESTROYS ALL IMMERSION, I ALMOST FELT SOMETHING THERE FOR A SECOND! BUT THEN YOU HAD TO DO SOMETHING SO DUMB! THIS ISN’T EVEN ON THE CHARACTER, THIS IS A STRAIGHT UP WRITING ISSUE! EVEN I WOULDN’T DO SOMETHING THIS DUMB! IT’S SO OUT OF PLACE! IT GIVES ME MENTAL WHIPLASH CAUSE I HAVE TO DO A DOUBLE TAKE TO MAKE SURE I’M NOT JUST FUCKING SEEING SHIT! AND YOU KNOW WHAT’S THE WORST PART ABOUT THIS FUCKING PANEL?!

IT’S IN THE PRINTED BOOK! Taeshi saw this, drew it, posted it, and got whatever feedback from it. Then later came back, saw it, and edited a bunch of things for the book, and decided, “No that’s fine. We’ll leave it there, that’s perfectly okay.” And just left it there! WHY?! You had a good scene, an actual honest to god, good scene. And you had to just make a dumb joke, and ruin the whole mood. This is the sort of bad run and gun cheap gag sort of shtick that you’d expect to see from Volume 1! Except, even Volume 1 knew when to take itself seriously, and maintain that serious tone! I mean imagine if this happened in something like Zach’s talk with Lucy.

Any good graces this scene had, in setting up these two working out their problems and moving in a nice direction is thrown out the window now, and for what?! What’s the purpose? Why would yo-

Oh…Oh no…

Please, have mercy! You already stabbed my back, please don’t stab me in the heart! Please, not like this!

Aaaugh, no! Not like this! Poor Rachel! It’s not fair I can’-

Wait….

I-is…Is that it?

Are you kidding me?

That’s it? Two pages? Really? That’s how you’re breaking it off? This is how you’re going to stab me? Look, there’s like 3 more inches left in the knife, come on. Push it deeper. Twist it, I know you want to. WHY ARE YOU HOLDING BACK? FUCKING WORK THIS SCENE AND MAKE ME CRY!

NO FUCK YOU, WE’RE NOT MOVING PAST THIS!

YOU WROTE RACHEL’S BREAK UP. IN

TWO

FUCKING

PAGES!?

YOU WROTE OUT ONE OF THE MOST GROUNDED, HEALTHY, PRODUCTIVE RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR COMIC IN TWO PAGES LIKE IT WAS NOTHING! WITH A HORRIBLE ONE-SIDED DIALOGUE, WHERE RACHEL IS TALKING TO PAULO WHO HAS SUDDENLY INHERITED THE EMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING OF A BRICK WALL! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT AFTER EVERYTHING YOU DID IN BUILDING THIS CHARACTER’S ENTIRE ARC AND DEVELOPMENT!? AFTER TRANSFORMING A CHARACTER WHO WAS PORTRAYED AS UNLIKABLE, BITCHY, ANNOYING, SLUTTY, AND DUMB.

To fleshing her out, to be deep, thoughtful, caring, and supportive. Rachel is my favorite character, and it’s not because she’s a slut it’s because she represented something in this comic that had been absent.

Natural character development. That wasn’t brought on by some big event shaking their entire core, and changing them. In fact, one of the best things about Rachel is that despite how differently her character’s reception is from Volume 6 compared to Volume 1, her personality, her attitude, and her core is mostly unchanged.

She’s still slutty, she’s overweight, she’s silly. But a big part of why I love her as a character, and why I think many others do as well, is because never does it seem to be a negative to her. We don’t see her get upset, or self-conscious about her weight, or her sexual behavior, because she’s confident in herself and accepts herself. Not only that, but she’s shown to take charge, stand up and not be afraid to call out what she sees is wrong. And outside of her character…

She was a role model for Paulo. Unlike Jasmine whose relationship was more Paulo bending himself to fit her lifestyle, Rachel was a character who accepted and supported Paulo’s lifestyle, but at the same time helped steer him to do the right thing. And in a comic where almost every fucking character is so intent on dancing around their issues and waiting until it blows up in their face, Rachel served as an example of someone who had it together. A proactive person, who didn’t want to see these characters get worse.

I have ranted and gone off on a lot of decisions and actions that these characters have done, but not once did I ever scratch my head or think twice about something that Rachel did. Her character didn’t need a bunch of insight, and excuses about hormones or “they’re teenagers, lol!” to understand her. She simply was who she was, and I respect that.

In short…

Despite everything that my history with this comic gave me, the feelings I developed from all the bullshit that has happened in this story, despite all of that. It was this one character, what she brought to the table, and what she did for the comic and its characters, that gave me something I thought I’d long lost, and never thought I’d ever regain.

She gave me hope in this comic. That it would finally have its characters be proactive, regain its humor, and bring itself out of the slump it made for itself. With this character, and the writing behind her, I believed Taeshi was finally on the right track, and was setting up something great that would grow the characters and build upon them naturally.

But that’s not what we got. And the real bitch of it is, this could’ve been a real emotional moment. A well executed front-stab. We knew it was coming, we saw the writing on the wall, but we still needed to face the music. It was set up to be a wonderful tragedy, where both parties are well aware of the futility of their relationship. They understand each other, and why it won’t work, but also don’t want to let go. And I was going to make a comparison to Two Kinds, because they had a similar scenario with Trace’s wife and the whole idea of moving on is a recurring theme… But looking back I realized something. I don’t need to bring a comparison to Two Kinds or someone else’s comic, and no I’m not even going to draw a comparison of what I would’ve done in this situation by drawing a comparison to False Idol’s future scene (although I was thinking about that). No, we don’t need to look too far because you know what the real sad part about this is?

We’ve had this conversation before.

And just look at it. Look how heartbreaking this is. This is how it should’ve been. You see that Paulo understands what she’s saying, he knows what she means and how bittersweet their relationship is. It is one of the best moments from the newer volumes, and their inevitable breakup should’ve been a turning point. It should’ve marked a big life-changing moment for Paulo. Where he is sad about how he’s making Rachel feel, but he’s unsure about his own feelings. Maybe Rachel makes the decision for him and breaks it off, and Paulo realizes how hurtful his behavior is, and that he can’t play games with people anymore, that it’s not fair. It could be the moment Paulo turns a new leaf and becomes more mature, and in seeing that; Rachel can let go taking some solace in knowing that he is a better person now.

But instead we got this…

We’re not even halfway through this god damn chapter. Well where is it taking us now?

Huh…and it seems that the writing is not going to change pace either, I wonder where this is going.

Oh boy, everyone’s getting into teams! And oh man, Lucy’s going up against Mike! And boy is this contrived. And what’s even worse, is that despite how much Taeshi has shunned Volume 1 and its stupid sense of humor, and how shoddy it was. Volume 1 wasn’t THIS contrived, and when it was, it was pretty tongue in cheek about it. In fact!

This sounds like something Volume 1 would MAKE FUN OF. But let’s give the benefit of the doubt maybe it’s not that bad. It might have something going on, an-

(It’s interesting, I think I have like 3 reaction pics of Sam trying to shoot herself, but this one just can not be matched. And it’s not even meant for the rants.)

You know what? I’m not even gonna bother going over this part. No one will be seated during the harrowing “Will they won’t they” inconsequential dodgeball fight. Although I will say,

Not gonna lie, that actually got a laugh out of me. Good job. Anyway, Lucy catches the ball and wins the game who cares. But then…

First of all

Look at those arms. Damn Lucy what happened? You’re looking like two toothpicks in a marshmallow. But more than that. Did I read that right?

Yeah! It’s not like you stopped practicing Martial Arts! Why would you? It’s not like you had some serious physical trauma happen to stop you-

OH WAIT!

RECOVERY PERIOD? PHYSICAL THERAPY? PFFFT WHO THE FUCK NEEDS THAT? YEAH SURE, YOU’RE TOTALLY FINE AND CAPABLE BEING A FUCKING BLACK BELT IN TAE KWON DO. SURE! NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE STITCHES AM I RIGHT?

But I’m just combing cotton here, this all just fluff. There’s really only one thing left to talk about here.

And I’ll be honest.

This.

Is…

Pretty good.

This is honestly really well done. There’s nothing I can say about this. It’s a very serious moment, I can feel Taeshi reaching for my heartstrings but I…I’m okay with it. This was the moment I wanted to see. Finally these characters air out some of their grievances. We get insight to how they feel, we are finally getting somewhere. It’s not nice, but it’s progress an-

…

THAT’S THE TH-….

*sigh*

Fuck you too, Taeshi.

Three times.

Three fucking times in one chapter, that you set up something good. Had a good thing going, and then decided to fuck it up at the end. That’s a new record. Even when I expected nothing out of this chapter, you manage to let me down. You astound me with how much you disappoint me. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were doing it to intentionally troll me. But I’m not that vain. Fuck you Taeshi, I’ve said this before but always with the tone of hyperbole, and a bit of optimistic cynicism. But this time I really mean it. I have no more faith in you as a writer. Whatever you come up with, however this ride ends. I don’t think you will pull it off anymore. I don’t think you have the competence to tie this up in a proper way. At one point you could’ve. At one point, I think you had it in you with the mindset, the creativity, and the emotional drive to tell a well-crafted story. But not anymore, and I despise what you’ve become. Let’s get this stupid chapter over with.

What’s next? What are we doing huh? What are we getting at?

Oh…

I see. This is where we’re going huh? That’s what all this was for?

ALRIGHT! Y’KNOW WHAT? FINE! I GUESS THIS IS WHAT WE’RE DOING BOYS! THIS IS THE NEW DIRECTION FOR BCB! LOOK! SHE CALLED PAULO CUTE! OMG THE SHIP IS SAILING, DON’T YOU GET IT? IT’S JUST SHIPPING! THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS! THAT’S HOW WE’RE DRIVING THE PLOT!

FUCK ALL THAT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, THIS IS WHY RACHEL GOT DROPPED! IT WASN’T CAUSE OF CHARACTERS NATURALLY CONCLUDING RELATIONSHIPS, IT’S ALL BECAUSE LUCY’S HERE AND WE CAN’T HAVE PAULO’S RELATIONSHIP WITH RACHEL CLASH WITH THAT! SHE’S OUTLIVED HER USEFULNESS! NOW IT’S ALL ABOUT PAULO X LUCY, OR PAULO X DAISY WHICH IS IT? THIS IS THE REAL DRAMA YOU ALL ARE LOOKING FOR! THIS IS HOW WE REALLY MOVE THE PLOT AND CHARACTERS! CHOO CHOO BOYS! ALL ABOARD THE SHIP! LET’S JUST GO ALONG FOR THE RIDE WHERE WE GOING TAESHI? I’M READY! I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING LEFT TO FUCKING LOOK FORWARD TO OR LIVE FOR! SO COME ON, WHERE ARE YOU SAILING US?

I give it a 2/10. Until next time, guys.

#Bittersweet Candy Bowl #rant

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