#not pictured: the remaining 30 seconds to disaster | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mariacallous · 1 year

Text

Editor's Note: This piece is part of a series of policy analyses entitled “The Talbott Papers on Implications of Russia’s Invasion of Ukraine,” named in honor of American statesman and former Brookings Institution President Strobe Talbott. Brookings is grateful to Trustee Phil Knight for his generous support of the Brookings Foreign Policy program.

Nine months into Russia’s latest invasion of Ukraine, the outcome of the war remains unclear. The Russian military appears incapable of taking Kyiv or occupying a major portion of the country. Ukrainian forces have enjoyed three months of success on the battlefield and could well continue to make progress in regaining territory. The war also could settle into a more drawn-out conflict, with neither side capable of making a decisive breakthrough in the near term.

Projecting the ultimate outcome of the war is challenging. However, some major ramifications for Russia and its relations with Ukraine, Europe, and the United States have come into focus. While the war has been a tragedy for Ukraine and Ukrainians, it has also proven a disaster for Russia — militarily, economically, and geopolitically. The war has badly damaged Russia’s military and tarnished its reputation, disrupted the economy, and profoundly altered the geopolitical picture facing Moscow in Europe. It will make any near-term restoration of a degree of normalcy in U.S.-Russian relations difficult, if not impossible, to achieve.

Russia’s war against Ukraine

This latest phase in hostilities between Russia and Ukraine began on February 24, 2022, when Russian President Vladimir Putin directed his forces to launch a major, multi-prong invasion of Ukraine. The broad scope of the assault, which Putin termed a “special military operation,” suggested that Moscow’s objectives were to quickly seize Kyiv, presumably deposing the government, and occupy as much as the eastern half to two-thirds of the country.

The Russian army gained ground in southern Ukraine, but it failed to take Kyiv. By late March, Russian forces were in retreat in the north. Moscow proclaimed its new objective as occupying all of Donbas, consisting of the oblasts (regions) of Luhansk and Donetsk, some 35% of which had already been occupied by Russian and Russian proxy forces in 2014 and 2015. After three months of grinding battle, Russian forces captured almost all of Luhansk, but they made little progress in Donetsk, and the battlelines appeared to stabilize in August.

In September, the Ukrainian army launched two counteroffensives. One in the northeast expelled Russian forces from Kharkiv oblast and pressed assaults into Luhansk oblast. In the south, the second counteroffensive succeeded in November in driving Russian forces out of Kherson city and the neighboring region, the only area that Russian forces occupied east of the Dnipro River, which roughly bisects Ukraine.

Despite three months of battlefield setbacks, Moscow has shown no indication of readiness to negotiate seriously to end the war. Indeed, on September 30, Putin announced that Russia was annexing Luhansk, Donetsk, Zaporizhzhia, and Kherson oblasts, even though Russian forces did not fully control that territory and consistently lost ground there in the following weeks. The Russian military made up for battlefield losses by increasing missile attacks on Ukrainian cities, aimed in particular at disrupting electric power and central heating.

As of late November, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky and his government insisted on conditions that included Russian withdrawal from all Ukrainian territory (including Crimea and all of Donbas), compensation, and punishment for war crimes. While these are understandable demands given what Ukraine has gone through, achieving them would prove difficult. Still, Kyiv appeared confident that it could liberate more territory even as winter approached.

After nine months of fighting, the Russian military has shown itself incapable of seizing and holding a large part of Ukraine. While the war’s outcome is uncertain, however the conflict ends, a sovereign and independent Ukrainian state will remain on the map of Europe. Moreover, it will be larger than the rump state that the Kremlin envisaged when it launched the February invasion.

Whether the Ukrainian military can drive the Russians completely out or at least back to the lines as of February 23 is also unclear. Some military experts believe this is possible, including the full liberation of Donbas and Crimea. Others offer less optimistic projections. The U.S. intelligence community has forecast that the fighting could drag on and become a war of attrition.

Forging a hostile neighbor

Of all the pieces of the Russian Empire and Soviet Union that Moscow lost when the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991, no part meant more to Russians than Ukraine. The two countries’ histories, cultures, languages, and religions were closely intertwined. When the author served at the U.S. Embassy in Kyiv at the end of the 1990s, most Ukrainians held either a positive or ambivalent view regarding Russia. That has changed. Today, most Ukrainians regard Russia as an enemy.

Putin’s war has been calamitous for Ukraine. The precise number of military and civilians casualties is unknown but substantial. The Office of the U.N. Commissioner for Human Rights estimated that, as of the end of October, some 6,500 Ukrainian civilians had been killed and another 10,000 injured. Those numbers almost certainly understate the reality. U.S. Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley on November 10 put the number of civilian dead at 40,000 and indicated that some 100,000 Ukrainian soldiers had been killed or wounded (Milley gave a similar number for Russian casualties, a topic addressed later in this paper).

In addition, the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees placed the number of Ukrainians who have sought refuge outside of Ukraine at more than 7.8 million as of November 8. As of mid-November, the Russian attacks had caused an estimated 6.5 million more to become internally displaced persons within Ukraine.

Besides the human losses, the war has caused immense material damage. Estimates of the costs of rebuilding Ukraine run from $349 billion to $750 billion, and those appraisals date back to the summer. Finding those funds will not be easy, particularly as the war has resulted in a significant contraction of the Ukrainian economy; the World Bank expects the country’s gross domestic product to shrink by 35% this year.

All this has understandably affected Ukrainian attitudes. It has deepened the sense of Ukrainian national identity. An August poll showed 85% self-identifying as Ukrainian citizens as opposed to people of some region or ethnic minority; only 64% did so six months earlier — before Russia’s invasion. The invasion has also imbued Ukrainians with a strongly negative view of Russia: The poll showed 92% holding a “bad” attitude regarding Russia as opposed to only 2% with a “good” attitude.

Ukrainians have made clear their resolve to resist. A September Gallup poll reported 70% of Ukrainians determined to fight until victory over Russia. A mid-October Kyiv International Institute of Sociology poll had 86% supporting the war and opposing negotiations with Russia, despite Russian missile attacks against Ukrainian cities.

It will take years, if not decades, to overcome the enmity toward Russia and Russians engendered by the war. One Ukrainian journalist predicted last summer that, after the war’s end, Ukraine would witness a nationwide effort to “cancel” Russian culture, e.g., towns and cities across the country would rename their Pushkin Squares. It has already begun; Odesa intends to dismantle its statue of Catherine the Great, the Russian empress who founded the city in 1794.

Ironically for an invasion launched in part due to Kremlin concern that Ukraine was moving away from Russia and toward the West, the war has opened a previously closed path for Ukraine’s membership in the European Union (EU). For years, EU officials concluded agreements with Kyiv, including the 2014 EU-Ukraine Association Agreement. However, EU officials avoided language that would give Ukraine a membership perspective. In June, four months after Russia’s invasion, the European Council recognized Ukraine’s European perspective and gave it the status of candidate country. Kyiv will need years to meet the EU’s standards, but it now has a membership perspective that it lacked for the first 30 years of its post-Soviet independence.

As for NATO, 10 alliance members have expressed support for a membership path for Ukraine, nine in central Europe plus Canada. Other allies have generally remained silent or noncommittal, reflecting the fact that many, while prepared to provide Ukraine financial and military assistance, are not prepared to go to war with Russia to defend Ukraine. Even though Kyiv cannot expect membership or a membership action plan any time soon, it will have continued NATO support in its fight against Russia and, once the war is over, help in building a modern and robust military to deter a Russian attack in the future.

The Kremlin has sought since the end of the Soviet Union to keep Ukraine bound in a Russian sphere of influence. From that perspective, the last nine years of Russian policy have been an abysmal failure. Nothing has done more than that policy to push Ukraine away from Russia and toward the West, or to promote Ukrainian hostility toward Russia and Russians.

A disaster for Russia’s military and economy

While a tragedy for Ukraine, Putin’s decision to go to war has also proven a disaster for Russia. The Russian military has suffered significant personnel and military losses. Economic sanctions imposed by the EU, United States, United Kingdom, and other Western countries have pushed the Russian economy into recession and threaten longer-term impacts, including on the country’s critical energy sector.

In November, Milley put the number of dead and wounded Russian soldiers at 100,000, and that could fall on the low side. A Pentagon official said in early August Russian casualties numbered 70,000-80,000. That was more than three months ago, and those months have shown no kindness to the Russian army. Reports suggest that newly-mobilized and ill-trained Russian units have been decimated in combat.

The Russian military has lost significant amounts of equipment. The Oryx website reports 8,000 pieces of equipment destroyed, damaged, abandoned, or captured, including some 1,500 tanks, 700 armored fighting vehicles, and 1,700 infantry fighting vehicles. Oryx advises that its numbers significantly understate the true nature of Russian losses, as it counts only equipment for which it has unique photo or videographic evidence of its fate. Others report much heavier losses. U.S. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin commented that the Russian military had lost “staggering” numbers of tanks and other armored vehicles, adding that Western trade restrictions on microchips would inhibit production of replacements.

As a result of these losses, Russia has had to draw on reserves, including T-64 tanks first produced nearly 50 years ago. It reportedly has turned to tanks from Belarus to replenish its losses. To augment its own munitions, Russia has had to purchase attack drones from Iran and artillery shells from North Korea. As the Russian military has drawn down stocks of surface-to-surface and air-to-surface missiles, it has used S-300 anti-aircraft missiles against ground targets. The Russian defense budget will need years to replace what the military has lost or otherwise expended in Ukraine.

Poor leadership, poor tactics, poor logistics, and underwhelming performance against a smaller and less well-armed foe have left Russia’s military reputation in a shambles. That will have an impact. Over the past decade, Russian weapons exporters saw their share of global arms exports drop by 26%. Countries looking to buy weapons likely will begin to turn elsewhere, given that Russia’s military failed to dominate early in the war, when its largely modernized forces faced a Ukrainian military armed mainly with aging Soviet-era equipment (that began to change only in the summer, when stocks of heavy weapons began arriving from the West).

As Russia went to war, its economy was largely stagnant; while it recorded a post-COVID-19 boost in 2021, average real income fell by 10% between 2013 and 2020. It will get worse. The West has applied a host of economic sanctions on the country. While the Russian Central Bank’s actions have mitigated the worst impacts, the Russian economy nevertheless contracted by 5% year-on-year compared to September 2021. The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development expects Russia’s economy to contract by 3.9% in 2022 and 5.6% in 2023, and a confidential study supposedly done for the Kremlin projected an “inertial” case in which the economy bottomed out only in 2023 at 8.3% below 2021. One economist notes that the West’s cut-off of chips and microelectronics has devastated automobile, aircraft, and weapons production, with the output of cars falling by 90% between March and September; he expects a long run of stagnation.

In addition to coping with the loss of high-tech and other key imports, the Russian economy faces brain drain, particularly in the IT sector, that began in February as well as the departure of more than 1,000 Western companies. It also has a broader labor force challenge. The military has mobilized 300,000 men, and the September mobilization order prompted a new flood of Russians leaving the country, with more than 200,000 going to Kazakhstan. Some estimates suggest several hundred thousand others have fled to other countries. Taken together, that means something like three-quarters of a million men unavailable to work in the economy.

Russia thus far has staved off harsher economic difficulties in part because of its oil and gas exports and high energy prices. High prices have partially offset the decline in volume of oil and gas exports. That may soon change, at least for oil. The EU banned the purchase of Russian crude oil beginning on December 5, and the West is prohibiting shipping Russian oil on Western-flagged tankers or insuring tankers that move Russian oil if the oil is sold above a certain price, now set at $60 per barrel. The price cap — if it works as planned — could cut sharply into the revenues that Russian oil exports generate. The cap will require that Russian exporters discount the price of oil that they sell; the higher the discount, the less revenue that will flow to Russia.

Weaning Europe off of Russian gas poses a more difficult challenge, but EU countries have made progress by switching to imports of liquefied natural gas (LNG). Moreover, European companies have found ways to cut energy use; for example, 75% of German firms that use gas report that they have reduced gas consumption without having to cut production. EU countries face a much better energy picture this winter than anticipated several months ago. If Europe successfully ends its import of Russian piped natural gas, that will pose a major problem for Gazprom, Russia’s large gas exporter. Gazprom’s gas exports move largely by pipeline, and Gazprom’s gas pipeline structure is oriented primarily toward moving gas from the western Siberian and Yamal gas fields to Europe. New pipelines would be needed to switch the flow of that gas to Asia. If Europe can kick the Russian gas habit, Gazprom will see a significant decline in its export volumes, unless it can build new pipelines to Asian markets and/or greatly expand its LNG export capacity, all of which will be expensive.

A further problem facing Russia’s energy sector is that, as existing oil and gas fields are depleted, Russian energy companies must develop new fields to sustain production levels. Many of the potential new fields are in the Arctic region or off-shore and will require billions — likely, tens of billions — of dollars of investment. Russian energy companies, however, will not be able to count on Western energy companies for technical expertise, technology, or capital. That will hinder future production of oil and gas, as current fields become exhausted.

Another potential economic cost looms. The West has frozen more than $300 billion in Russian Central Bank reserves. As damages in Ukraine mount, pressure will grow to seize some or all of these assets for a Ukraine reconstruction fund. Western governments thus far show little enthusiasm for the idea. That said, it is difficult to see how they could turn to their taxpayers for money to assist Ukraine’s rebuilding while leaving the Russian Central Bank funds intact and/or releasing those funds back to Russia.

Western sanctions did not produce the quick crash in the ruble or the broader Russian economy that some expected. However, their impact could mean a stagnant economy in the longer term, and they threaten to cause particular problems in the energy sector and other sectors that depend on high-tech inputs imported from the West. Moscow does not appear to have handy answers to these problems.

Changed geopolitics in Europe

In 2021, Moscow saw a West that was divided and preoccupied with domestic politics. The United States was recovering from four years of the Trump presidency, post-Brexit politics in Britain remained tumultuous, Germany faced September elections to choose the first chancellor in 16 years not named Angela Merkel, and France had a presidential election in early 2022. That likely affected Putin’s decision to launch his February invasion. In the event, NATO and the EU responded quickly and in a unified manner, and the invasion has prompted a dramatic reordering of the geopolitical scene in Europe. European countries have come to see Russia in a threatening light, reminiscent of how they viewed the Soviet Union at the height of the Cold War. NATO’s June 2022 summit statement was all about deterrence and defense with regard to Russia, with none of earlier summits’ language on areas of cooperation.

Few things epitomize the change more than the Zeitenwende (turning-point) in German policy. In the days following the Russian invasion, Berlin agreed to sanctions on Russian banks that few expected the Germans to approve, reversed a long-standing ban on exporting weapons to conflict zones in order to provide arms to Ukraine, established a 100-billion-euro ($110 billion) fund for its own rearmament, and announced the purchase of American dual-capable F-35 fighters to sustain the German Air Force’s nuclear delivery role. Just days before the assault, the German government said it would stop certification of the Nord Stream 2 gas pipeline. Berlin’s follow-up has been bumpy and, at times, seemingly half-hearted, which has frustrated many of its partners. Still, in a few short weeks in late February and early March, German Chancellor Olaf Scholz’s coalition government erased five decades of German engagement with Moscow.

Other NATO members have also accelerated their defense spending. According to NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg, European allies and Canada have boosted defense spending by a total of $350 billion compared to levels in 2014, when the alliance — following Russia’s seizure of Crimea — set the goal for each member of 2% of gross domestic product devoted to defense by 2024. Stoltenberg added that nine members had met the 2% goal while 10 others intended to do so by 2024. Poland plans to raise its defense spending to 3% next year, and other allies have suggested the 3% target as well.

Moscow did not like the small multinational battlegroups that NATO deployed in Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, and Poland beginning in 2017. Each numbered some 1,000-1,500 troops (battalion-sized) and were described as “tripwire” forces. Since February, NATO has deployed additional battlegroups in Romania, Bulgaria, Hungary, and Slovakia and decided on a more robust forward presence, including brigade-sized units, while improving capabilities for reinforcement. The U.S. military presence in Europe and European waters has grown from 80,000 service personnel to 100,000 and includes deployment of two F-35 squadrons to Britain, more destroyers to be homeported in Spain, and a permanent headquarters unit in Poland.

In addition to larger troop deployments, the Baltic Sea has seen a geopolitical earthquake. Finland and Sweden, which long pursued policies of neutrality, applied to join NATO in May and completed accession protocols in July. They have significant military capabilities. Their accession to the alliance, expected in early 2023, will make the Baltic Sea effectively a NATO lake, leaving Russia with just limited access from the end of the Gulf of Finland and its Kaliningrad exclave.

In early 2014, NATO deployed virtually no ground combat forces in countries that had joined the alliance after 1997. That began changing after Russia’s seizure of Crimea. The recent invasion has further energized NATO and resulted in its enlargement by two additional members. As Russia has drawn down forces opposite NATO countries (and Finland) in order to deploy them to Ukraine, the NATO military presence on Russia’s western flank has increased.

The Kremlin has waged a two-front war this year, fighting on the battlefield against Ukraine while seeking to undermine Western financial and military support for Kyiv. The Russians are losing on both fronts. The Russian military has been losing ground to the Ukrainian army and has carried out a campaign of missile strikes against power, heat, and water utilities in the country, which threatens a humanitarian crisis. Much will depend on how bad the winter is, but Ukrainians have shown remarkable resilience in restoring utilities, and the Russian attacks could further harden their resolve. Moreover, the brutality of the Russian missile campaign has already led Ukraine’s Western supporters to provide Kyiv more sophisticated air defenses, and pressures could grow to provide other weapons as well.

As for the second front, despite high energy prices, having to house the majority of the nearly eight million Ukrainians who have left their country, and concerns over how long the fighting might last, European support for Ukraine has not slackened. Russian hints of nuclear escalation caused concern but did not weaken European support for Ukraine, and Moscow has markedly deescalated the nuclear rhetoric in recent weeks. Given Russia’s relationship with China, the Kremlin certainly noticed Chinese President Xi Jinping’s recent criticism of nuclear threats.

It appears Moscow’s influence elsewhere is slipping, including among post-Soviet states. Kazakhstan has boosted its defense spending by more than 50%. In June, on a stage with Putin in St. Petersburg, its president pointedly declined to follow Russia’s lead in recognizing the so-called Luhansk and Donetsk “people’s republics” as independent states. Neither Kazakhstan nor any other member of the Russian-led Collective Security Treaty Organization (CSTO) — or any other post-Soviet state, for that matter — has recognized Russia’s claimed annexations of Luhansk, Donetsk, Zaporizhzhia, and Kherson. In a remarkable scene at an October Russia-Central Asia summit, Tajikistan’s President Emomali Rahmon openly challenged Putin for his lack of respect for Central Asian countries. Armenian Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan spoiled a late November CSTO summit; he refused to sign a leaders’ declaration and noticeably moved away from Putin during the summit photo op.

More broadly, in October, the U.N. General Assembly approved a resolution calling for rejection — and demanding reversal — of Moscow’s illegal annexation of the Ukrainian oblasts by a vote of 143-5 (35 abstaining). A recent article documented how Russia has found its candidates rejected and its participation suspended in a string of U.N. organizations, including the International Telecommunications Union, Human Rights Council, Economic and Social Council, and International Civil Aviation Organization. Putin chose not to attend the November G-20 summit in Bali, likely reflecting his expectation that other leaders would have snubbed him and refused to meet bilaterally, as well as the criticism he would have encountered in multilateral sessions. The summit produced a leaders’ declaration that, while noting “other views,” leveled a harsh critique at Moscow for its war on Ukraine.

A deep freeze with Washington

While U.S.-Russian relations had fallen to a post-Cold War low point in 2020, the June 2021 summit that U.S. President Joe Biden held with Putin gave a modest positive impulse to the relationship. U.S. and Russian officials that fall broadened bilateral diplomatic contacts and gave a positive assessment to the strategic stability dialogue, terming the exchanges “intensive and substantive.” Moreover, Washington saw a possible drop-off in malicious cyber activity originating from Russia. However, the Russian invasion prompted a deep freeze in the relationship, and Washington made clear that business as usual was off the table.

U.S. National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan, U.S. Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Mark Milley, and CIA Director Bill Burns nevertheless have kept channels open to their Russian counterparts. These lines of communication seek to avoid miscalculation — particularly miscalculation that could lead to a direct U.S.-Russia or NATO-Russia clash — and reduce risk. But other channels remain largely unused. Burns’s November 14 meeting with Sergey Naryshkin, head of the Russian external intelligence service, was the most senior face-to-face meeting between U.S. and Russian officials in nine months. Biden and Putin have not spoken directly with one another since February, and that relationship seems irretrievably broken.

In a positive glimmer, Biden told the U.N. General Assembly “No matter what else is happening in the world, the United States is ready to pursue critical arms control measures.” Speaking in June, the Kremlin spokesperson said “we are interested [in such talks]… Such talks are necessary.” U.S. officials have privately indicated that, while they have prerequisites for resuming the strategic dialogue, progress on ending the Russia-Ukraine war is not one of them. This leaves room for some hope that, despite their current adversarial relationship, Washington and Moscow may still share an interest in containing their competition in nuclear arms.

Beyond that, however, it is difficult to see much prospect for movement toward a degree of normalcy in the broader U.S.-Russia relationship. With Moscow turning to Iran and North Korea for weapons, Washington cannot count on Russian help in trying to bring Tehran back into the nuclear deal (the 2015 Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action) or to increase pressure on North Korea to end its missile launches and not to conduct another nuclear test. Likewise, coordination on Syria is less likely. It may well be that any meaningful improvement in the overall bilateral relationship requires Putin’s departure from the Kremlin. A second requirement could be that Putin’s successor adopt policy changes to demonstrate that Russia is altering course and prepared to live in peace with its neighbors.

This does not mean to advocate a policy of regime change in Russia. That is beyond U.S. capabilities, especially given the opacity of today’s Kremlin. U.S. policy should remain one of seeking a change in policy, not regime. That said, the prospects for improving U.S.-Russian relations appear slim while Putin remains in charge. What happens will depend on how the Russian elite and public view his performance; while some signs of disaffection over the war have emerged, it is too early to forecast their meaning for Putin’s political longevity.

Still, while it remains difficult to predict the outcome of the war or the impact it may have on Putin’s time in the Kremlin, there is little doubt that the fighting with Ukraine and its ramifications will leave Russia diminished in significant ways. It must contend with a badly-damaged military that will take years to reconstitute; years of likely economic stagnation cut off from key high-tech imports; a potentially worsening situation with regard to energy exports and future production; an alarmed, alienated, and rearming Europe; and a growing political isolation that will leave Moscow even more dependent on its relationship with China. Putin still seems to cling to his desire of “regaining” part of Ukraine, which he considers “historic Russian land.” But the costs of that for Russia mount by the day.

3 notes · View notes

fettesans · 1 year

Photo

Left, Lea Cetera, Digital Hand, 2020, Urethane resin, obsolete data transfer cables, 31 x 6 x 5 inches. Via. Right, picture posted by Dirk Hoerig on Twitter, 4:31 PM · Dec 8, 2022 from Munich, Germany, When your coffee machine receives the nation wide test of the disaster warning cell broadcast #warntag.

All cell phone users were supposed to get warning messages even without an internet connection on their phones. But for some cell phone users, the devices remained silent. (Dear reader, mine was horrendously loud) And, As well as testing technical scope, the Warntag (Warning Day), which will take place every year on the second Thursday of September, aims to inform the public about what to do. A siren that changes its pitch with no interruption is a warning. A single tone lasting for one minute indicates the end of an emergency.

To understand AI for what it is, we need to see the structures of power it serves. AI is born from salt lakes in Bolivia and mines in Congo, constructed from crowdworker-labeled datasets that seek to classify human actions, emotions, and identities. It is used to navigate drones over Yemen, direct immigration police in the United States, and modulate credit scores of human value and risk across the world. A wide-angle, multiscalar perspective on AI is needed to contend with these overlapping regimes.

Kate Crawford, from Atlas of AI: Power, Politics, and the Planetary Costs of Artificial Intelligence, 2021, p. 218. Via.

A couple years ago, the internet found out that Joe Biden had a body double. Proof was presented in a pair of photographs taken in the Oval Office. One showed Biden signing legislation with a pen in his right hand. The other documented a pen in his left. Although the falsehood was obvious to anyone who noticed the reversal of the Presidential seal in the background – revealing the trick that the second picture was flipped – most people who shared the montage had no interest in learning the truth. (...)

At UC Riverside’s California Museum of Photography, the photographer and curator Douglas McCulloh has set out to create a taxonomy.

The pictures are intentionally unexceptional. “Our collected type specimen photographs, for all their occasional charm and polish, are not high art (a marginal practice of elites),” writes McCulloh in his introductory essay. “They are scruffy and active, woven into the fabric of life.” The extraction of these examples from their natural environment makes their subterfuge visible. The peculiarity of seeing them in the artificial conditions of a gallery or online art exhibit makes each modus operandi memorable.

Jonathon Keats, from How Can You Tell If A Photo Is Fake? This University Is Collecting ‘Type Specimens’ Of Online Duplicity, for Forbes, November 30, 2022.

#diptych #hands #safe new world #linked excerpts

2 notes · View notes

adamwatchesmovies · 3 months

Text

The 33 (2015)

The 2010 Copiapó mining accident was practically made for a feature-length film adaptation. Of course, there are a few liberties taken here and there but the essentials remain. Though you will find some familiar - some would say clichéd - elements in The 33, it works as a straightforward inspirational disaster story.

In Chile, the San José mine collapses, trapping 33 men deep underground. Though they made it to the mine's rescue chamber, they have little food and water. Determined to survive, they band together under the leadership of Mario Sepúlveda (Antonio Banderas) while their families above pressure the government to begin an extensive rescue operation.

Besides Mario Sepúlveda, you might not remember everyone’s name, but enough time is spent with key people for you to recognize who’s who. That one’s the Bolivian (Tenoch Huerta) who's worried the Chileans won't accept him - particularly when food runs out. There’s the one who loves Elvis Presley (Jacob Vargas), the pastor (Marco Treviño), the alcoholic (Juan Pablo Raba) who never got the chance to reconnect with his sister (Juliette Binoche), the one whose wife is pregnant with their first child, the one everyone is laughing at because up on the surface, he has two women fighting over him - his wife and his mistress. In addition to the 33 miners, there are many characters on the surface to keep track of: the Minister of Mining of Chile (Rodrigo Santoro as Laurence Golborne), the driller who supervises the rescue operation (James Brolin), several of the wives or sisters and more. This could've been a major issue, and director Patricia Riggen keeps this in mind. The 33 structures itself in a way that if you’re confused about who’s who, it will only be for a half-second. The editing and dialogue - more so than the characters’ faces, which become increasingly dirty and thin as more time is spent underground - ensure you know who you’re dealing with in each scene. That's practically a miracle in itself.

Though some of the story does exactly what you expect it to, it does these scenes well. The mine's owner has to roll his eyes when the initial safety concerns are brought up. The miners have to ration their food and figure out plans while waiting to be rescued. Their families have to make sure their voices are heard. The government has to worry about what the voters will say if the operation fails. A better film would have more scenes like the miner’s “last supper”, when they use their imaginations to bring in all of their loved ones to transform an omen of dread into a beacon of hope but there really any bad scenes in the entire running time.

The 33 makes you feel the feels you expect, makes you wonder what you would do if you were put in this exact scenario, keeps you guessing enough that you remain invested all the way through and leaves you pleased because all of your expectations were met. I don’t think it’s a picture you’ll come back to over and over again, but that’s fine. While it lasts, The 33 tells an interesting story you’ll be glad to have seen and as a rental, you'll get more than your money's worth. (On Blu-ray, September 30, 2021)

1 note · View note

keywestlou · 1 year

Text

PIC DAY

PIC DAY - https://keywestlou.com/pic-day/I rarely go out in my old age. It is not my age actually that is the reason. COVID did it. I was fearful of becoming infected. Became a recluse. Stayed in. Did not go out except for doctor and hospital visits for 342 days. Now, I can't kick the habit. I did go out last thursday evening as I mentioned the other day. Dinner at Antonia's with Dan and Lisa Riordon of Skaneateles, N.Y. Dan and Lisa have been Key West visitors for 18 years. Generally, the month of January. Now, January and February. Die hard Syracuse fans. They owned and operated a restaurant in Skaneateles for years. Sold it 3 years ago. A tough business. Now enjoying life. I had not been out in more than 3 weeks when we had dinner at Antonia's. The smile on our faces tell the story. We had a wonderful time! I promised them we would go out again this week. Picture #2 relates to another blog I wrote last week. The one where I was best man at Bob and Helen Marks' wedding 42 years ago in Maine. I mentioned I had hair at the time. Something lacking at this stage of my life. Several wrote and asked if I had any photos showing hair. I recalled Bob and Helen's wedding photo and had them send it to me. I was 47 when the photo was taken. Look at the that full head of hair! Amazing! I was also thin. No more. Syracuse/Notre Dame last night. A great game! Syracuse won 78-73. The victory itself not the story. it is the way Syracuse achieved the victory. Syracuse was behind by 4 at half. No big deal. It was close most of the first half. Notre Dame is a 3 point shooting team. All 5 players pop up the 3's. They were dropping like rain drops. All over the place. Notre Dame made 15 3 pointers in the first 30 minutes of the game. Notre Dame could not miss. Especially in the first 8 minutes of the second half. With 12 minutes remaining, Syracuse was down 12 points. On its way to losing. Even Boeheim thought so. In his post game interview, he said, "Heck of a comeback, we were in jeopardy." Boeheim's coaching genius came into play at that point. He put 4 freshmen on the floor and went into a full court press. Turned the game around! Notre Dame lost its cool. The freshmen began making Syracuse 3's. Most people are unaware what a bee hive of Ku Klux Klan activity Key West was 100 years ago. The story. The Ku Klux Klan was established in Key West in the early 1920's. Always a reason for something to occur. In this instance, Key West's Black community was organizing. The white population feared the activity. Marcus Garvey, a black man and international figure in the national black equality movement, visited Key West. Garvey was in effect the Martin Luther King Jr. of his day. Key West leaders gathered together to establish the Klan in the Keys. Charles Ketchum of Key West became the Grand Dragon for the State of Florida. Key West became the headquarters for the State organization. Its offices were located on Eaton Street. Violence and terror erupted in South Florida under Ketchum. Florida experienced more lynchings per capita than any other State in the Union. Hard to believe such occurred. Key West today is the Home of One Human Family. A 2022 Syracuse University study found that a taxpayer in the lowest and middle income brackets was five times more likely to face an audit than a member in the highest bracket. The millionaires, billionaires and corporations do not face the same abuse. On this day in 2009, Pilot "Sully" Sullenberger performed the "Miracle on the Hudson." By so doing, he averted a major disaster. His heroic display of skill and composure responsible.. Sully was piloting a US Airways flight which collided with a flock of geese. His engines failed. The plane was carrying 150 passengers and 5 crew members. Sully safely landed the plane on the Hudson River. An impossible feat. All lives were saved. Sully became an instantaneous American hero. Deservedly so! Wear long pants, sweater or jacket and go to the gardens later today. A treat of treat awaits. Terri White sings! Enjoy your Sunday!

0 notes

alexmorales · 2 years

Text

Popular Mayan Ruin Sites in Belize

Belize is a substantial country of the Caribbean and is located on the banks of Haulover Creek, a distributary of Central America. The 20th century hurricane massively destroyed the entire country. But it still managed to overcome the disaster. Nevertheless, the country boasts a plethora of alluring attractions, including the historical Mayan ruin sites, depicting the Mayan civilization.

Hence, to explore the underrated city and its top attraction, take cheap flights from Mexico City to Belize or visa-versa, and you can also avail impressive deals.

Coming straight to the point, let’s learn more about the Mayan sites of the country which are too popular among the tourists from around the world.

Note: Also Book your Cheap flight to Baltimore with lowestflightfare.com. (When I visited this website, I found affordable flight deals to Baltimore)

Caracol Mayan Ruin

Nestled deep within the Chiquibul Forest Reserve in the western part of the country, is this incredible Mayan site named after the Spanish word for “snail’. Moreover, it lies on a high plateau of 500m above sea level, and is the largest known Mayan ruin site in Belize covering about 75 square miles. The site was discovered in 1938 by Rosa Mai, a logger looking for mahogany. Caana (sky palace), the main pyramid at Caracol remains the tallest building in modern Belize with a height of approximately 141 feet.

Note: Also Book your Cheap flight to Rhode Island with lowestflightfare.com. (When I visited this website, I found affordable flight deals to Rhode Island)

Xunantunich Mayan Ruin

It is situated a short drive away from the hand cracked ferry near the Mopan river in the village of San Jose Succotz. In addition, it received its name after the Mayan word “Stone Woman” or “Maiden of the Rocks,” and is a beautiful and popular historical site.

Furthermore, when you take flights from Mexico City to Belize, you get to explore this Mayan structure, which dates back to about 600-670 AD. Near this site is El Castillo, the second tallest building in Belize extending 130 feet high and containing two temples. Those ambitious enough to hike to the top of this pyramid are rewarded with panoramic views of our jewel Belize.

Note: Also Book your Cheap flight to Santa Clara with lowestflightfare.com. (When I visited this website, I found affordable flight deals to Santa Clara)

Lamanai Maya Ruin

It is tucked on the banks of the New River Lagoon, which is also known as “Submerged Crocodile”. It is rightfully named as submerged crocodile, because several crocodile motifs can be seen at this Mayan ruin site. Lamanai’s site core extends about 12 square miles and is one of the largest ceremonial sites in Belize Moreover, it also has the most notable Jaguar Mask on the high temple

Note: Also Book your Cheap flights to Illinois with lowestflightfare.com. (When I visited this website, I found affordable flight deals to Illinois)

Cahal Pech Mayan Ruin

It’s located just outside the San Ignacio Town over an enormous mountain peak, which overlooks the twin towns of San Ignacio and Santa Elena. Cahal Pech, also known as “Place of Ticks”, consists of over 30 structures located around several courtyards, including temples. Moreover, the tallest structure placed here, stands to be 77 feet high. Additionally, this historical site dates back to about 1200 BC, making it one of the earliest Mayan sites in Belize.

Note: Also Book your Cheap Flights to San Bernardino with lowestflightfare.com. (When I visited this website, I found affordable flight deals to Santa Clara)

Conclusion

So these were some of the popular Mayan sites of Belize. However, there are many other sites which are impossible to cover in a blog. Instead, you can plan your trip here and check these fascinating historical sites on your own. Moreover, you can also click pictures as a memory and learn about the in-depth history of each of these places.

Note: Also Book your Cheap Flights To Costa Rica with lowestflightfare.com. (When I visited this website, I found affordable flight deals to Santa Clara)

0 notes

freelancertamal32 · 2 years

Text

In this picture launched by Xinhua News Agency, rescuers evacuate a lady pulled alive from a collapsed constructing in Changsha, central China's Hunan Province, May 1, 2022. The lady was rescued Sunday from the rubble of a constructing in central China greater than 50 hours after it collapsed, leaving dozens trapped or lacking, state media stated. (Shen Hong/Xinhua through AP) BEIJING — Two individuals have been rescued Sunday from the rubble of a constructing in central China greater than 50 hours after it collapsed, leaving dozens trapped or lacking, state media stated. Separately, police arrested 9 individuals together with the constructing proprietor on suspicion of inflicting a significant legal responsibility accident, the official Xinhua News Agency stated. State broadcaster CCTV confirmed video of rescuers bringing a lady out on a stretcher about 4:30 p.m. Some could possibly be heard shouting phrases of encouragement through the operation. She was taken to a hospital and is in steady situation, CCTV stated. State media reported one other individual was introduced out alive within the night however supplied no particulars. Seven individuals have been rescued from the constructing, which collapsed Friday afternoon within the inland metropolis of Changsha, the capital of Hunan province. About 20 others remained trapped, and one other 39 had not been accounted for as of late Saturday. Besides the proprietor, police stated they'd arrested three individuals in control of design and building and 5 others for what they stated was a false security evaluation for a visitor home on the constructing’s fourth to sixth flooring. In photographs the constructing appeared to have pancaked right down to in regards to the second ground, leaving rubble strewn on the sidewalk. It had stood in a row of buildings about six tales tall. Xinhua stated the constructing had eight flooring, together with a restaurant on the second ground, a restaurant on the third ground and residences on the highest two flooring. Other media experiences stated it was a six-story constructing. Tenants had made structural modifications to the constructing, however the reason for the collapse remained underneath investigation, Xinhua stated. Police stated the Hunan Xiangda Engineering Testing Co. issued the false security report on April 13. The arrested included the authorized consultant of the corporate and 4 technicians suspected of offering the evaluation. Following a rise within the variety of collapses of self-built buildings lately, Chinese President Xi Jinping stated Saturday that it was essential to test such constructions for any hidden risks and repair them to stop main accidents, Xinhua stated. Poor adherence to security requirements, together with the unlawful addition of additional flooring and failure to make use of reinforcing iron bars, is commonly blamed for such disasters.

0 notes

mckinnon47gorman · 2 years

Text

replica kelly bag 1

For Actual Life? House From Hit Youngsters Television Sequence Bluey Recreated In Brisbane Hermes birkin and kelly have still one typical level despite the precise fact that there are many differences between each of them. That is, they are both somewhat preferred, particularly their timeless colors, similar to black, white, pink, orange, blue. As these colours are almighty colors, as quickly as exhibiting up, they are quickly snapped up. Received my stunning orange Birkin from get2lux.cn….I am in love, this bag is sweet, perfect color, excellent high quality, no distinction from actual handbag that goes for a whole lot extra. skel.io replica hermes kelly I had a great e mail trade with emma who was thorough and constant. This lovely knockoff was properly priced… made my day…. The Knights have further depth with 6-6 Tyem Freeman (an NJCAA First Team All-American at Indian Hills CC) and four-star freshman point guard Darius Johnson. Freeman is shooting nearly 65% from the field is proscribed action. Johnson has expanded his function over the past month, averaging 8.2 factors in AAC play. In conference play, WSU is taking pictures a league-best seventy nine.1% from the foul line. The Shockers' season share (74.6) is sort of seven percentage factors ahead of last yr's tempo (68.0). WSU's two finest scorers this 12 months, on a per-minute basis, have been bench players. The question, scientists say, isn't if however when. Pressure is continuing to construct alongside the lots of of miles the place the Juan de Fuca plate is pushing beneath the North American plate. The epicenter of runway information, street style, and emerging trends. Catsuits have been the story one yr ago, and second-skin menswear continues to pattern. UCF suffered via a chilly shooting night on Saturday hitting just 30% from the sphere and 13-of-25 at the foul line in an loss at Memphis. Council and Tyson Etienne scored 20 points-each on Saturday as WSU handed red-hot SMU simply its second loss since November, 72-57. Now that morning show has a $14.5 million budget simply between Mike Greenberg, Jalen Rose and Michelle Beadle. Hermes birkin handbag two workers fell into the pihermes constance lizard, hermes purses and purses have invariably been maintained tinkering with designs, the outcome these totes make is tremendous. For the past a few years, numerous trend lovers who have unique taste have turn out to be the faithful followers of our exquisite Hermes Wallet at eye-catching types and exclusivity. The designer Hermes Wallet with attractive appearance and unparalleled efficiency will certainly allow that can assist you enhance extra allure and magnificence. Hermes assortment is ideal reflection of glamour, elegant and trendy type, and you will be by no means disenchanted when you make a purchasing from us. Sometimes, if I know a particular person is really busy, I don’t even attempt the call, I simply ship the text message. Hell, when you listened to the radio show this morning you heard my producers say that it’s frequent for newsmakers to refuse to return on my show as a result of they know they aren’t going to be coddled. Even when, as occurred with John Calipari, his publicist requests to come back on all of the Fox Sports Radio reveals, he’s scheduled, and then he sees my name and says he won’t do it. But many communities remain painfully susceptible. The lack of evacuation choices means that the death toll could possibly be nearly unfathomable, far surpassing some other natural disaster in U.S. historical past. The second-floor refuge students rush to in their drills stands 13 ft off the bottom — in a construction that was not constructed to withstand a raging tsunami in the first place. Low-lying coastal neighborhoods in Washington, Oregon and Northern California could be underneath 10 feet or more of water, with the elementary college in Ocean Shores, Wash., facing an inundation that could probably be 23 toes deep. When the national media started to assault the Tennessee fan base I told y’all that John Currie was stroking media members behind the scenes to get them to make the case for him. And now we've direct, tangible proof of USA Today’s Dan Wolken cheering on John Currie and then agreeing to do PR on behalf of the Schiano hire. First, Tennessee believed they had Dan Mullen set and prepared to go. And they did, until Chip Kelly bailed on Florida and took the UCLA job. The Gators believed they'd Chip Kelly and once they didn’t they fell again to Dan Mullen which meant John Currie panicked and made an atrocious tried hire, Greg Schiano. The rectangular shape of this Hermes Birkin bag replica mirrors the same silhouette as the unique bag. It can also be made from excellent high quality vegan leather-based that's scratch-resistant. Inside the bag, there could be one main zipper compartment with one inner zipper pocket and one again zip pocket to retailer your essentials. She gave me the girls contact particulars and I spent aday contemplating if I should get in contact and so forth. I didn't want to lose my money as for 2 years I have been saving as much as treat myself however each time I really have gone to Chanel and seen the model new prices, I actually have determined not to buy. I’ve just purchased a Hermes birkin at hermessales.ee. Without understanding it, she might even have provided some consolation to Deku himself, as he's been having similar thoughts about Shigaraki Tomura. WSU has won back-to-back for the first time since Dec. eleven and 14 once they defeated Norfolk State and Alcorn State in succession. A win at UCF would match their season-long successful streak. wikipedia handbags

#kelly bag replica #replica kelly bag #replica hermes kelly

0 notes

bug-jelly · 3 years

Text

A friend prodded me into playing dwarf fortress again and I've fallen way way way down the hyperfixation hole. I'm on my second fort now but first I'm gonna post pictures of my first fort! Oiledmortal!

I really didn't remember what I was doing so much coming back to this one, and eventually was just kind of flabbergasted the fort hadn't spun itself to pieces. Which is about when I started that ridiculous mining project, for example.

There were a lot of close calls before the end, first was a forgotten beast appearing in the caverns, a massive yellow diamond winged slug, beware it's poisonous swing. Who was uhhhh, felled by a 4/20 visiting monster hunter speardorf. The other close calls being less interesting supply issues around alcohol and food.

The end for Oiledmortal was when a weretapir came to the fort. My military was a disaster, I had maybe 5 dwarves a year into training, my attempts at crossbowdorfs being a total failure. (I hadn't fucked around with civilian uniformed jobs enough and stuff, on top of lacking quivers). The weretapir killed two dwarves outside and was swarmed and killed by other nearby dwarves but not before biting two of them.

I could have figured this out but I didn't even think of it. When those two dwarves turned they were in the middle of the dining hall, along with dozens of other dwarves. It was a total slaughter, they killed about 30 of my dwarves before falling themselves. One made its way to my barracks and killed 3 of my pitiful 5 dorf squad, the other dying in the dining hall.

The next wave of weretapirs was 8, and thought they got dealt with as well (miraculously) the damage was done and my 115 dwarf fort had been reduced to maybe 20. The population couldn't sustain bigger waves and I didn't catch them but within a few weeks there were 5 dwarves remaining, all untransformed weretapirs. My fort was a fuckin charnel house. Like. Chunks of dwarves on tables, sprayed across the halls. I don't know why so many dwarves went to the temples at the end but there was am absurd amount of gore spread around their doors.

It was cool as hell.

#dwarf fortress #cw gore

82 notes · View notes

come-on-shitty-boys · 4 years

Text

//just criss-cross things. bokuto koutarou//

Request: Because of you- Im getting hella forced to rank Bo higher up in my list so can I ask for any fluff of him too?- all writing reign is up to you bby- asdfghjkl

Warnings: none :)

Word Count: 1.8K

Notes: i hate that i wrote an almost 2K word fic about BRAIDING HIS HAIR

There was a routine in the Bokuto household. The alarm went off promptly at 8:30 every morning and was snoozed with a tired groan until at least 8:45. Your boyfriend would roll over, slowly opening his eyes to give you a sleep smile. He’d plant his lips to yours, his upper half hovering slightly over your body, letting you run his fingers through his bedhead, knowing just how much you loved it when it sat softly against his forehead rather than styled into its normal spikes. He would whisper a gentle, “Good morning,” voice still heavy from sleep, nuzzling his nose with yours. Those five minutes of soft morning affection were always his favorite part of the day.

But, he’d roll out of bed, remembering what time it was and that he only had an hour before he needed to get going. You would go make a pot of morning tea while he was in the bathroom, showering and going through his regular morning routine. It was rare when things were thrown out of balance, but no matter what, it always felt like your little world was crashing down around you. Sure, it sounded dramatic, but mornings tended to be rushed already. There was little room for error in the tightly knit schedule.

But when you heard Bokuto’s heavy groan of frustration bubbling from his chest as you were pouring the steaming tea into two mugs, you weren’t sure what was wrong, but you knew that it couldn’t be good. You were already on your way to the bathroom to see what happened when he called out a loud, “Babe!”

Pushing the door open, you didn’t know what you were expecting. But, Bokuto with half of his hair spiked up? That was not it. He just turned to look at you, puppy eyes filled with sadness. “I’m out of hair gel,” he mutters, lips contorting into a pout as he shows you his empty container.

“I thought you went and got some yesterday, Kou?”

He see him shift awkwardly in his place, hand going to rub the back of his neck. “Well, you see, I was going to but then, you know that pet shop on the way to the store?”

“Oh, don’t tell me you-”

“I wanted to play with bunnies and then, I just forgot!” He whines, voice filled with exasperation, throwing his hands up in frustration with his one-track mind. “But, now what am I supposed to do? I can’t go out like this,” he points to his hair disaster, “and if I leave it down, it gets in my eyes and I won’t be able to concentrate on practice, because I keep having to push it back!”

You place a hand on his back and push him towards the shower. “Why don’t you wash the gel out and we’ll see what we can do, okay?”

“But, I already showered! I don’t have time for another!”

“It’s just your hair, baby. It’ll take you five minutes.”

Your boyfriend nods, not having any other solution to his current predicament. And you were right, in a matter of minutes, he was out of the shower, hair plastered down against his forehead as if it had never been gelled in the first place. Back in his clothes for practice, he sat up on the counter, furiously rubbing a towel against his hair while you rummaged through the cabinets, trying to find anything that could keep his hair out of his face. You could use hair spray, but it probably wouldn’t be a strong enough hold. You had a thin elastic headband, but as much as he moved around, it would just fall off his head more than it would stay. Bobby pins? No, Bokuto would probably fidget with them like he always did when they were in your hair.

It’s while he’s watching you contemplate a solution that he has one of the best ideas he’s ever had. He tugs on a strand of your hair to get your attention. “You know that criss-cross thing you do?”

“Criss-cross thing? What are you talking about, Kou?” You ask, looking up at him.

“You know, the thing with your hair. The criss-cross thing!” He shouts, hopping down from the counter in excitement, rummaging through a drawer. He knew that you kept them in here somewhere . . .

Bokuto is beaming as bright as the early morning sun as he holds up your little container of elastics. “You can do that to my hair!”

Your mouth opens in a little “Oh” as you finally figure out what the hell he was babbling about. “You want me to braid your hair?”

“Yeah!”

“I don’t know, baby,” you sigh, running your fingers through his hair, examining it’s length. It was longer than it usually was, sure, but it was still pretty short. But, Bokuto was looking at you with expectant golden eyes, a look that he knew you could never refuse. “I’ll try my best.”

He gives a hoot of excitement, wrapping his strong arms around you. “You’re the best! Okay, so what do I do!?” The man is practically bouncing as he stares down at you, ready to do whatever he must to let this to be executed as well as possible.

“I just need you to sit,” you say, placing a hand on his shoulder to try to get him to sit, but he refuses to budge.

“Wait. Can I make a bowl of cereal first?”

You can’t suppress your little giggles and just nod your head. “Yeah. Go get yourself some breakfast, baby.”

You don’t even have to say another word before he’s bounding towards the kitchen. In a matter of seconds, he’s sitting on the floor of the living room in front of you, a bowl of Lucky Charms in his hands. He had the television on, reruns of your favorite sitcom playing on the screen. You would’ve taken a picture of him right then and there if you weren’t pressed for time.

You part his hair down the center where he normally separates his spikes. You take three sections from the front, pausing before you start the ‘criss-cross thing.’ “Kou, if I pull your hair too much or it feels too tight, just let me know, okay?”

He just turns his head so he can smile up at you. “Oh, come on, babe! The criss-cross thing can’t be that bad! I’m a tough guy. I’ll be fine.”

And he was, but you on the other hand? You were not. Your fingers were cramping from tightly holding his hair before you were even done with the first braid. It was way harder than you had initially thought. The short strands of grey hair kept slipping from between your fingers, frustrating you further.

But, Bokuto didn’t notice in the slightest. He was so lost in the gentle tugs of his hair and the feeling of your fingernails gently raking his scalp as you collected another section. You should’ve seen his content grin, happily munching on his cereal, wiggling happily in his spot, cute little hoots and hums escaping him every few moments. He looked like a happy toddler, watching Saturday morning cartoons.

He’s shaken from his bliss by a firm hand on his shoulder, “Baby, I need you to sit still,” you say, tying off the end of the first braid. It only spanned down to the crown of his head and the hairs at the nape of his neck were left out, but the braid accomplished what it needed to.

Bokuto takes your words into accounts and stops moving. You can hear him give a little “Hmph” as he settles down, sitting firmly into his spot to finish off his cereal while you get to work on the remaining section of hair.

Fingers near exhaustion and hand muscles tensing with each passing criss-cross motion, you manage to pull your boyfriend’s hair into two little braids. “Kou, can you turn to look at me?” you ask, wrapping the last elastic around his hair.

He twists in his spot so he can stare cutely up at you. He looked absolutely adorable, two dutch braids running down his head, the tiny fluffs of remaining hair sitting cutely at his neck. There’s a soft hum of approval as you tug some of his baby hairs down to frame his face. “What do you think, baby? Will it hold for practice?” You ask, stepping back and taking your phone out. There was no way that you were letting this moment go undocumented.

You snap a quick photo before Bokuto gets up, shaking his head vigorously, jumping around all to see if the braids will break their hold. When he’s convinced that they're not going anywhere, he hovers over your shoulder, staring down at your phone screen. “Aw, come on, babe! I look terrible in that! Delete it!” He whines, making a grab for your phone.

You pull your phone closer to your body in an attempt to shield it from him. “What are you talking about? You look very cute, baby,” you say, looking up at him with sweet eyes.

“Can we at least take a better one before I go?”

You can’t even give an answer before he’s snatching your phone, the front-facing camera pointed towards the two of you. Your boyfriend slings his arm around your shoulders tugging you closer to his body as you both give goofy smiles for the camera. He places a soft kiss to your lips, leaning his forehead against yours as he pulls back. “Thank you, Y/N. You’re the best, baby girl,” he whispers, pecking your lips one more time.

You’re completely prepared for him to hand you back your phone and get his things to leave, but rather, he holds your phone out of your reach, tapping away at the screen. “Kou, what are you doing?”

“Sending them to myself. I have to post my pretty girl to Instagram later,” he claims, beaming down at you as he hands you your phone. He presses another kiss to your lips before heading to the front door to slip on a pair of sneakers and grab his practice bag. “I’ll see you later!”

You say your good-byes, checking your phone as it vibrates. There’s a smile that takes over your face as you see your new lock screen. Bo’s smiling face is filling the screen, slightly obscured by:

1 New Message: Kou :)

I have the other half ;P

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #x reader #imagines #one shot #bokuto #Bokuto Koutarou #bokuto x reader #koutarou #he fucking hoots #tell me otherwise #oh wait #you can't #god he's so baby

99 notes · View notes

omgbigfluffwriting · 3 years

Text

When You’re Gone Chapter 1

[Gabriella's POV]

I never expected to have my childhood best friend be my Criminology Professor. It seems kind of weird but whatever. I don't exactly remember my childhood and early teen memories thanks to the car accident that nearly took my life in the year before my last at high school. I decided to go to college to earn my bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice at 30 and I was on my last year at age 34. That day I was determined to be early. When I was a child, according to my best friend Spencer Reid, he usually described me as a chicken with its head cut off due to my spacing out. He never meant it to be cruel, just a matter of fact. Criminology was my second class of the day, after English. Professor Clarke was supposed to be teaching it and nobody took it seriously... at least those who weren't studying Criminal Law like I was. However, when I walked into the classroom...I didn't see the middle-aged woman I knew to be Professor Clarke. Standing at the whiteboard was a tall, skinny man, with shoulder length messy brown hair wearing black slacks with a purple vest, lilac dress shirt and white tie. His converse shoes made him look younger than he was. Somehow, he seemed familiar. There were a few girls already present in the room. I took my seat next to a girl in blue named Ruby Darley. We introduced ourselves and Ruby whispered, "What do you want to bet that most of these girls are not studying Criminal Law?" "Hm, let me get back to you on that." I whispered back. "Wait, why do you ask?" I asked. "Wait until the professor turns around." Ruby said with a grin. I raised my eyebrow at her. By this time the classroom was full. The professor turned around and looked at all of us. He had large hazel eyes which looked brown, honey brown to be exact and looked like he should be a model, rather than a college professor. "Good morning, I am Dr. Spencer Reid and welcome to Criminology. Professor Clarke needed to step away, so I am covering for her this semester." He started handing out our copies of the class syllabus as he continued talking. His name tickled my memory but I'd had an accident in my junior year of high school that I almost died from so my childhood memories and early teen years were pretty fuzzy. When he got to me, he handed me the syllabus but his eyes narrowed. I raised my eyebrow at him, hoping I wasn't being rude. Apparently, I didn't have what he was looking for, because he continued to hand out syllabuses. "What was that about?" Ruby whispered to me. I shrugged as Doctor Reid went back to the front of the class. He took attendance and his voice was a little strange when he called out my name. "Present," I say as I doodle on my writing notebook. Dr. Reid thoughtfully nodded and wrote something down on his piece of paper. --- [Spencer's POV] After class, I wanted to call Gabby up and see why she didn't recognize me. But she slipped out before I had the chance. So I found myself contacting Garcia to do a search for the girl I loved. "You've reached the all-knowing BAU Oracle." Garcia said. "Hi Garcia do you have a moment?" I asked. I heard Garcia snort. "For you, 187, I have all the time in the world." Garcia joked. "What do you need Doc?" I take a deep breath. I hope that wherever she is, she's happy. "I need you to look up someone for me. Her name is Gabriella Chambers, born May 19th 1984." I heard Garcia's fingers type rapidly. "It says here that she's living in Washington D.C. right now and attending the university that you're teaching at, Boy Wonder." Garcia reported. "Her grades are impeccable. I'm not going to lie, I'm impressed,187." Garcia's voice sounded impressed with Gabby's grades. I was impressed myself since she had always struggled with Math during childhood. I nodded. Then, realizing she can’t see me: "Could you dig into her medical records? She should have recognized me today." I asked. Garcia made a noise of assent and typed even more. I was about to hang up when she said, "Oh my God. She was involved in a car accident her junior year of high school and nearly died. As a result, she has extreme retrograde amnesia and the doctors don't expect her childhood and early teen memories to return." I felt a rock fall to the pit of my stomach. So all the memories I shared with her were just gone, like they never happened? What about that pact we made when she was 7 and I was 10, if we were both over 30 and unwed that we'd marry each other? Did she truly not remember our first kiss when I was 16? "You're in love with her." Garcia cut into my reverie. "I'm sorry 187. I didn't think... well if you can't get her memories to return, there's always a blank slate you can start with." Tears fell down my face. I did not want to start afresh with her. Yet I may have to. I start putting away my things in order to get ready to leave when the door opened and Gabby walked in. She approached me cautiously, testing the waters. "I'm sorry, Dr. Reid, but you seem awfully familiar to me and I can't place meeting you anywhere." I could work with 'awfully familiar'! "Actually . . . we were childhood friends." I said and pulled the picture of us when she was 7 out of my messenger bag for proof. I was pushing her on a swing in the picture. "I don't remember." She said sadly and handed the picture of us back to me. "I was in an accident and have problems with my long term memories." I bit my lip. "Would you like to come back to my apartment with me? I have the letters you wrote me before we lost contact." I offered but she shook her head. "No, it's okay. I just wanted to know why you were so familiar." She said. "I'll see you tomorrow." And then she was gone. ---- [Gabby's POV] I rushed home. There was no way in hell that I'd known Dr. Reid during the period of time that I was missing... I dug out what I called my photography box. On the top was the very same picture that Dr. Reid had shown me. It must have been a favorite of mine. I was astonished to find a handful of pictures that contained the two of us and a bunch of letters tied with a length of ribbon. My mother had saved every letter he'd written me. The letters indicated that we were close, probably close enough to eventually fall in love with the other. I could see me doing that. Dr. Reid was attractive, definitely my type. I was so engrossed in the letters that if the knock on my door hadn't been as loud as it was, I would have missed it. "Coming." I set my almost finished bundle of Dr. Reid's letters on top of my bed and answered the door. Dr. Reid was standing on my doorstep. "I'm just a few doors down from you but . . . here." Dr. Reid handed me a second bundle that's tied with a baby blue ribbon. Mine was tied with a hot pink ribbon. "Okay I'll get these back..." I started. "Keep them. I have an eidetic memory, so I can recall them whenever I want. See you tomorrow." He started to walk away but I caught his arm in time. He turned to look at me. "I have the letters you wrote to me." I say. "You seem so... painfully different from when you wrote those letters. Tell me what happened?" He starts to consider it but then freezes. "It'll be best for you to remain my student. I'll see you tomorrow, Ms. Chambers." He said and yanked his arm from my grasp. I gasped at the unspoken consequence, that if I can't do that, then I should drop his class. "Why are you being so cold?" I call after him. He doesn't answer. --- [Spencer's POV] I had to blink back tears as I head back to my own apartment. It's best for her if I remain Dr. Spencer Reid in her eyes. She'll be safer when I return to the BAU after my reinstatement requirements are met. The moment I get into my apartment, I truly crumble to the floor and let go. It feels like I've lost the two women I have ever loved to tragic fates - Maeve because she was murdered and Gabby because of a car accident. Technically, I didn't lose Gabby, she was still alive but the amnesia was worse than death in my opinion. I wondered what had made her lose such a big amount of her long-term memories. I had been such an integral part of her childhood... It would be better to keep my distance and let her marry someone else who can keep her safe from the monsters I face on a daily basis. --- [Spencer's POV] The next morning I walked into the Criminology class to see that Gabby was the first student in the classroom, going over an assignment I had handed out yesterday for homework. She looked up and then looked back down at the paper. "Need help?" I asked her. She shook her head. I wandered over to her desk. The classroom was empty and I owed her an explanation about my behavior last night. "Look," I murmured. "Last night was a..." "Disaster seems like a good word for it," Gabby said, looking up sternly and giving me a pissed look. I sighed. "The thing is, I'm trying to protect you." She looked up at me with impatience. "Have you ever heard of the Behavioral Analysis Unit?" I asked, looking at her. "Who hasn't?" Gabby asked. "They're the nation's elite at criminal profiling." I nod. "I'm part of that unit. I've put countless criminals away who would love to hurt you to get to me. It's safer for you if we keep the relationship to that of teacher and student." I admitted, not for the first time. "Safer..." Gabby snorted. "Dr. Reid, I read all of your letters that you sent me before my accident last night. There's no way in hell that I'll believe you're capable of staying at a teacher/student relationship with me." The door opened and I returned to the front, clearly pissed off. Ruby Darley walked in as I faced the whiteboard to hide my expression, furiously writing. "Wow, Dr. Reid looks pissed. Did one of those girls proposition him?" I wanted to turn around and tell Ms. Darley I could hear her but considering the argument Gabby and I just had, it wasn't a good idea. "No, Dr. Reid's mad at me." I hear Gabby say as she opened her notebook. "You didn't!" Ms. Darley said in shock. "Quite frankly, I didn't have you pegged as one of the girls who would actually go and f**k a professor for the hell of it." "I didn't proposition him," Gabby says through her teeth. "It was over something else." I now turned around and said, "Ms. Darley, what occurred between Ms. Chambers and I is quite naturally between us. If she chooses to tell you, she may but please refrain from making comments like that." I resume my writing but still listened in. The girls changed the subject. "I can't believe that assignment Professor Callaghan gave us today for English," Ruby complained. "Well, we are reading Anne of Avonlea." I hear Gabby say with a snort. "I went through the papers my mom saved from my elementary school days." I wonder if she's saying this for my benefit... "There was this boy I had a crush on. I wrote him a letter based on the Anne books." "Did you ever give it to him?" Ruby asked. "No, I was too shy to give him the letter in that instance," Gabby says. I'd never thought of her being shy. "So what's going on between you and Dr. Reid?" I kind of wanted to know myself, so I listened. "Childhood friends and I don't remember him," Gabby answered a bit tersely. "He was acting like a jackass last night." I raised an eyebrow at her comment. "So would you?" Ruby asked. I wondered what Ruby was asking Gabby. Some sort of nonverbal exchange must've happened because I heard, "Hell no!" I turned around and raised an eyebrow at the two women. Ruby wrote something down and passed it to Gabby. "C'mon, he's clearly listening and I don't feel like explaining myself." She hissed. "It's a yes or no question, Gabby." Ruby said, giving her a look. "Drop *it* !" Gabby hissed again as I was just about to come over to their table to see what was written on the paper sitting between them like a high school teacher. "You're not getting out of answering." Ruby says as she puts the note away and the classroom fills.

#Criminal Minds Fanfic #dr. spencer reid smut #dr. spencer reid x fem!oc

4 notes · View notes

ryttu3k · 3 years

Text

Working out this little coterie! (Bloodlines and Night Road protags, plus a handful of others.) Present-day (we’ll call it 2021, for the sake of dates) San Francisco. Subject to change, probably!

Sierra Torres

Gangrel. Embraced 2004, apparent age 23, current age 40. Unknown sire.

Bloodlines protagonist. Had a rough upbringing, ended up in the foster system with her older brother. One of her longer-term foster homes got her interested in the environment, and as she grew older, she got heavily into environmental activism (and has definitely chained herself to at least one bulldozer). Went to college to study ecology, but found she wasn’t the most studious and ended up dropping out, drifting around LA and working odd jobs.

Was Embraced by a guy she met at a protest against logging (at night, obviously), and, well, plot happened. (Much to her irritation. She’s mostly gay, teeny bit bicurious, but damn the one time she hooks up with a guy...)

Definitely clicked more with Jack than LaCroix during the events at the theatre, and as soon as she could meet with the Anarchs, she jumped in with both feet. Would lowkey die for both Beckett and Nines and has decided they’re both her dads (Jack is Favourite Weird Uncle).

Post-game, she stayed in LA with the Anarchs until all that business with Tara Kearney and Vannevar Thomas made it a bit uncomfortable. Growing tired of the politics, she (and Wren, who she’s known since the Ankaran Sarcophagus event) left for San Francisco, although she’s still in contact with and on good terms with the LA Anarchs, still does the odd mission for them, and will meet with the SF Anarchs on their behalf.

Leader of the coterie. Dating Wren.

Elijah ‘Pyre’ Carter

Banu Haqim. Embraced 1999, apparent age 19, current age 41. Sire: Julian Sim.

Night Road protagonist. The Good End version of Night Road where Pyre realised that, hey, Julian’s plans are really fucked up and ended up bailing on Julian, running off to SF with his boyfriend Raúl (who also isn’t a ghoul), also known as the AU where Pyre isn’t a complete disaster.

Originally from Syracuse. Was in college, dropped out, worked three jobs to pay off his whopping amounts of debt, was deliberately targeted by Julian. Worked (and was romantically involved) with Julian for nearly a decade before Julian manipulated him into diablerising Aila; shortly after, Julian disappeared. Pyre spent ten years on the road working as a courier until the events of the game in November and December 2019, where he was instantly drawn back to Julian’s side, fighting between his loyalty to his sire and his own sense of ethics.

Raúl helps become his moral backbone, and they work together (without Raúl being ghouled). After absorbing - and making use of - the 2100 formula, he apologises to Lettow and tells Julian that he can’t work with him, and he and Raúl leave for San Francisco, meeting Sierra there.

While he’s the eldest of the coterie (both in actual chronological age and in how long he’s been a vampire), he has no desire to lead, and is happy to leave that to Sierra. Has depression.

Raúl Cañedo

Brujah. Embraced 2020, apparent age 26, current age, uh, 27. Sire: Nines Rodriguez.

Night Road supporting character. As per canon, he grew up in Mexico City. After his father’s death and the arrest of his mother’s companion Antonio, he, his mother, and several family members crossed the border. Raúl was the only one to survive. While trying to help other family members across, he ran across Pyre, later encountering him again at Camp Scheffler.

Unlike in-game, when Pyre said he wasn’t comfortable making him into a ghoul, he accepted it, and they continued to work together hunting the true monsters as-is, gradually falling for each other over the events of the game and leaving together for San Francisco.

After being badly injured in an attempt to save people from a remnant Sabbat group, he asked Pyre to Embrace him. Pyre was reluctant to do so himself, and eventually Sierra suggested that he would make a pretty ideal Brujah. With the coterie travelling down to LA together, they met with Nines, who agreed to Embrace him. Now, Raúl is still happily involved with Pyre, still trying to fight against the real monsters, working through his PTSD, and learning what it is to be Kindred.

Briar

Toreador. Embraced 2011, apparent age 22, current age 32. Sire: D'Espine.

Originally from Dallas, Briar was an autistic, nonbinary arts student on the verge of dropping out when they caught the eye of D’Espine, who offered them the position of model and dancer at her club. Bonus points - for the relatively low price of becoming one of her ghouls, they’d also be able to be shaped into the perfect picture of androgyny they always wanted to be (along with the help of the Tzimisce Ana). While the life was sometimes difficult, they enjoyed the opportunity to explore fashion, music, and beauty, and eventually agreed to be Embraced.

For a few years, it wasn’t a bad life. Plenty of creative stimulation, with Briar able to get involved in fashion design and having plenty of beautiful things to stimulate their mind. Those nights came to an end with the Second Inquisition attacked Dallas in 2019, which set Briar’s anxiety off in a bad way; D’Espine encouraged many of her childer and ghouls to relocate for safer environments, and Briar (along with Ana, who, by now, was a friend) fled to San Francisco. There, they met Sierra and eventually the others, and is now enjoying the quiet security of being part of a coterie.

Brianna 'Wren' Metcalfe

Nosferatu. Embraced 2002, apparent age... hard to tell but she was 18 when she was Embraced, current age 37. Sire: Mitnick.

Wren has a surprisingly common story amongst Nosferatu - a geek and hacker (and, let’s be real, a bit of a weeaboo), she had stumbled her way across SchreckNet, was amazed at the world she had discovered, and was promptly dealt with. Namely, they sent Mitnick (who had previously done exactly that) out to her, who explained what she had found, and her options were either becoming a hideous undead sewer-dwelling creature of the night, or death.

Wren was sufficiently geeky enough to go, “Well fuck, I’m not exactly pretty or popular as-is, I can stay online, and I get neat powers. Let’s go for it!” and happily agreed to the Embrace. It was pretty cool - for a couple of years, when, shortly after the Ankaran Sarcophagus incident, the NSA breached SchreckNet and really got the Second Inquisition ball rolling.

Diving right into playing information security games against the NSA and FIRSTLIGHT, Wren worked on keeping the few remaining Kindred information systems relatively secure, right up until the 2009 information blackout. Deeply put out by the sudden lack of freedom, Wren approached Sierra, the Anarch neonate who had helped her sire out five years earlier, joining their movement and working on encryption and message-passing right under the noses of the SI (and, cautiously, starting a relationship with the Gangrel). When Sierra relocated to San Francisco, Wren followed, and now works on keeping the coterie secure and protected from the SI.

Occasional singing partner of Mort Sheaffer and preeminent provider of pirated media amongst San Francisco’s Kindred. Dating Sierra. Autistic and ADHD.

Ana

Tzimisce. Embraced 2007 at 16 but uses vicissitude to look older, current age 30. Unknown sire.

Ana’s background is relatively typical, albeit unhappy. A closeted trans girl, she went to school, dated girls, played sports, and generally play-acted the part of a ‘typical’ teenage boy, longing for graduation (when she could move away and start over).

Things went rather badly wrong when she was sixteen. Caught in the wrong place at the wrong time during a Sabbat War Party, she was Embraced and promptly knocked unconscious and buried alive (or, well, unalive). When the terrified and traumatised Ana finally dug herself out along with the rest of her follow ‘shovelheads’, she was crudely inducted into the Sabbat and sent on a hunt to track down a target she had never heard of, one of the disposable shock troops made especially for her elders to use as they wished.

She was one of the lucky ones. While her humanity had taken a beating during her Embrace, she was more scared than bloodthirsty, fled, and hid herself amongst the alleys and sewers, and had the exceedingly good fortune to stumble into a group of high-humanity Kindred who immediately recognised what she had gone through. They helped her, slowly and painstakingly, regain her humanity, and when they recognised the clan she had been Embraced into, even found an independent Tzimisce mentor to help her begin to learn to combine Protean and Dominate into Vicissitude.

The first person she used vicissitude on was herself, and while her ‘base’ appearance is usually the same (of a pretty young woman in her early twenties), she does delight in odd modifications or changes. While the discipline has a bad reputation as being used for pain, she uses it to help people, and by the early 2010s she had a reputation for helping people transition or modify their appearances in general. Working with D’Espine and her ghouls, she met and befriended Briar, and when the SI attack hit Dallas, the two fled to San Francisco together. While Ana’s PTSD still rears its ugly head, the security of her new coterie and the sibling-like relationship she has with Briar is helping her heal.

#vampire the masquerade #vtm bloodlines #vtm night road #disaster coterie #oc: sierra #oc: pyre #oc: briar #raul canedo #oc: wren #oc: ana

7 notes · View notes

janeyseymour · 4 years

Text

Anne Boleyn: Captain of the Chaos Squad- pt3

pt 1. pt 2.

Title: Stay With Me While I Sleep

It wasn’t uncommon for Anne to fall asleep in strange places, this much was known between the queens. Her sleep schedule was almost as unpredictable as Cathy Parr’s. Her sleeping spots were also just as unpredictable as Cathy’s. While Cathy tended to fall asleep by herself though, Anne Boleyn almost always found herself curled up around another queen.

The second queen made her way into the first queen’s room around 2:30 in the morning. She simply opened the door, made her way to the bed that Aragon was currently sound asleep in, and made herself comfortable. The next morning, Anne woke up to shrill shrieks.

“Anne! What are you doing in my bed?” The golden queen looked at her successor. “And what are you- Are you snuggling with my bible?”

“I couldn’t sleep by myself, but Jane had Katherine in her room, and you were closest.”

“You couldn’t have joined your cousins?”

“Kat kicks in her sleep.”

Christmas time was Jane’s favorite time of year. Having reason to make all of her favorite foods brought her immense joy. It was different than cooking a turkey and a ham at Christmas time rather than in July for her birthday. Having a reason to bake enough sweets to fill a bakery was her dream. The blonde had just finished preparing cookie dough and had stepped away for a few minutes to gather laundry as her first batch baked to golden perfection in the oven.

Anne Boleyn, known cooking and baking disaster, made her way into the kitchen, ready to beg Jane to allow her to eat “just one spoonful of cookie dough Jane! Please!” When she wasn’t kicked out of the kitchen right away, she was astonished. This was going better than she could have planned for. She grabbed a spoon from their drawer and took a big scoop before popping it into her mouth.

When Jane Seymour came back to the kitchen mere minutes later to take out the cookies in the oven, Anne Boleyn had two bowls next to her: one bowl of roughly half the amount of cookie dough that was in there when she left, and another empty bowl with what Jane could only assume was cookie dough remains. The green queen was not in a chair though, no- she was laying on their kitchen table asleep.

“For heaven’s sake,” Jane muttered as she picked up the sleeping woman and carried her to the couch. “If you’re going to fall asleep, please don’t do it where I’m clearly working.”

Anna of Cleves liked to play video games. This was a known fact in the house. If she wasn’t out at the dog park or working out, it was a safe bet to say that she was in the living room playing any sort of video game she could find.

It was 10:30 on a gloomy Saturday morning when Anna decided Call of Duty might be a fun game to try. It was 10:35 when Anne Boleyn came trudging down the steps, blanket and pillow in hand.

“Boleyn, did you not sleep at all last night?”

“It’s not my fault I got distracted watching a movie.”

“It absolutely is.”

“Leave me alone.” Anne had settled her pillow on Anna’s lap and promptly fell asleep.

“Anne Boleyn, wake up! I’m not staying on this couch all day with you!” She poked the green queen’s cheek incessantly.

“Cleves... comfy...” Anne mumbled as she stretched and tightened her grip around the fourth queen’s waist.

When Aragon and Jane came in from weeding the garden together, they found both Anne and Anna fast asleep, the dark Call of Duty music playing in the background.

“We really gotta make that girl sleep at night,” Aragon whispered to Jane, who had now begun to take pictures of the sleeping queens.

“At least she’s not asleep on my kitchen table this time.”

Katherine Howard’s bed was covered in stuffed animals. Wherever they went, the pink haired queen was sure to pick up yet another fuzzy animal to lay on her bed. It shouldn’t be a surprise that every once in a while, if the queens couldn’t find their youngest friend, she was asleep on her bed covered with stuffed animals. Anne Boleyn was also known to do this.

When the queens weren’t able to find their favorite gremlin 10 minutes before they were meant to leave for their show, logically the first place they should’ve looked was Katherine’s bed. Unfortunately for them, that wasn’t the case. They spent 15 minutes searching the outside of the property. She was nowhere to be found- not sitting under their deck, not laying on the ground looking at the clouds, not even up high in the trees that she loved to climb so often.

“Annie?” Kat singsonged. “Where are you?”

“Anne Boleyn, do not think I won’t leave you here to walk to the theatre yourself!” Both Aragon and Jane threatened. Now usually, when this was a threat, the green queen came bolting down the stairs knowing they really would leave her; she learned that the hard way.

“Do you guys think she’s asleep?” Cathy pondered.

“She’s not in her room,” Anna sighed before lighting up. “Did anyone check Kitty’s room?”

Instantly the five were on their way to the bright pink room. The room was silent for the most part, well except for soft snores coming from under the mountain of stuffed animals on the bed.

“Anne!” Kat jumped on her bed and began to disassemble the pile of plushies.

“Huh?” Annie turned onto her back. “What’s goin on?”

“We just spent 20 minutes looking for you. We were supposed to leave for the theatre 10 minutes ago!” Jane grumbled. “Why weren’t you in your own room anyway?”

“I thought the stuffed animals would keep me warm.” Anne sat up and grinned before announcing, “I’m happy to say that I was right.”

“The first and only time Anne Boleyn will ever be right,” Aragon deadpanned. A stuffed animal was thrown her way.

Catherine Parr was almost always still awake late into the night. Anne Boleyn took advantage of this.

“Hey Cath,” Anne sauntered into her room at 1:45 in the morning.

“Hey. You’re more than welcome to hang out here, but I really have to finish this idea tonight, or it’s never getting done.”

“That’s fine. I’ll be back.” Anne exited, only to return a few short minutes later with her favorite jumper on, a bag of chips, a plastic bag, and her phone.

“Do you care if I eat on your bed?”

“I’d- prefer you n-”

“I’m going to. But don't worry; I’m going to eat over the bag so there won’t be any crumbs on your bed.”

It had been awhile since Cathy finished her writing for the night. The two were now huddled together watching a movie on the second queen’s phone, both happily munching on the chips- bag long forgotten. Midway through, Anne fell asleep, leaving Cathy to finish the movie herself. After it was over, Cathy set the phone along with the chips on the floor by her bed. Finally, the two with the least amount of sleep had given into dreaming.

The next morning, Anne woke up on the floor.

“Why am I-” the second queen took in her surroundings. “On the floor of Cathy Parr’s room?” She mumbled to herself.

“You kept rolling onto me in the middle of the night. I can't believe you didn’t wake up when I kicked you off the bed,” Cathy replied, not even looking up from her place at her desk.

#six the musical #six musical #six fanfiction #six the musical fanfic #six the musical fanfiction #six fanfic #six musical fanfic #anne boleyn

20 notes · View notes

tardisman14 · 4 years

Text

Enchanting: Chapter 2: Fear and Guilt

A novelized version of Enchanting Grom Fright, told from Amity’s pov. A look into what was going through her mind in that episode, with snippets of happenings in-between scenes. Told in 4 parts (3 main chapters, plus the prologue), rated to be safe, and obviously Lumity.

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Woods outside Bonesbrough,

Late afternoon

“Remind us. How exactly do you know where Luz is living?”

“Long story, Em. Let’s just say I may have needed her and Eda’s help fixing a ...mistake I made.”

“Ooooooo! Little Miss Perfect needing help fixing a mistake? This has gotta be good.”

Amity was silent. If either of them were to find out about what she had done to Willow’s memories, they’d never let her hear the end of it. Luckily for her, they were coming up on the Owl House just then.

“So, this is where she’s staying.”

“I like it. Seems rather quaint.”

“Just stay here. I’m gonna go check to see if Luz is ready to start training.”

“HIYA, HOOT!”

“GAAAHHH!”

That’s right. Amity had forgotten about Eda’s ‘security system’. As well as the fact that it seemed to have NO sense of personal space.

“HERE TO SEE LUZ? SHE’S UPSTAIRS GETTING READY! I CAN TAKE YOU THERE, HOOT HOOT!”

“NO! Just tell her I’m here.” The last thing she needed right now was being covered in even more feathers than she had been in the last thirty seconds.

“ON IT, HOOT!”

While the bird-tube stretched its way to the second floor window, Amity headed straight inside. Upon heading upstairs, she heard what she recognized as Luz’s voice and opened the door it was coming from, assuming it must’ve been Luz’s room.

“Amity!”

“If that bird-tube ever talks to me again.... I'm going to destroy it.” It did not help that she was still trying to pick feathers out of her hair. “You ready to train?”

“What should I wear to Grom?” Amity then noticed the two ‘outfits’ Luz had picked out. “This one says, ‘witch with a dark side’. But this one says, ‘I'm an otter... with a dark side.’”

As much as Amity had grown to find Luz’s antics charming, she knew that now was not the right time.

“Luz, you need to take this seriously. If you can't defeat Grom, everyone on the island will have to live out their worst nightmare.”

“YOU WANNA HEAR MY WORST NIGHTMARE??” Well, she gave them fair warning.

What followed was a thrashing of pure feral rage as Amity laid into the annoyance of a house that was Hooty. It took Luz pulling them apart before she started to calm down.

“Okay, I think we should get on that training. Amity, let’s head outside. Hooty, I’ll have King bandage you up.”

“SHEESH!”

The two then went downstairs and noticed King sitting on the couch with some flash cards.

“King, I need you to take a look at Hooty. We had a little… incident.”

“Can’t you do it? I need to make sure my material for tonight is top notch.”

“I would, but something’s… come up. If you do it, I’ll make you that new scone recipe I found last week.”

“UGH… fine. But they had better be JUST for me! Last time I only got a few because you had Willow and Gus over.”

“I’ll make sure to mark them.”

With that, the demon reluctantly made his way upstairs to check on the bird tube. As the two made their way outside, Luz was greeted to the sight of Amity’s older siblings waiting.

“Ed? Em? What are you guys doing here?”

“They’re here to help train you.”

“We had originally planned to help Mittens here get ready” said Ed. “But she told us about your situation, so here we are!”

“That was SO sweet of you looking out for her like that.”

As much as Amity would love to have her siblings embarrass her around Luz, there was work that needed to get done.

“If we can focus, now. Grom will transform into your darkest fears. What are you afraid of, Luz?”

Amity noticed Luz hesitate to answer. So Ed spoke up.

“Wanna say our greatest fears? On three- one two... being alone forever!”

“Being stuck with you forever.”

Yeah. Of the twins, Amity definitely knew Ed to be the more clingy one.

“In preparation, I've made a list!”

Amity and the twins took a look at the list Luz handed her. The twins were quick to get started, and immediately started casting illusions. The first was a large version of Luz’s communication device with some guy on the display.

“Jerks online who wanna debate!”

Next was what looked like a cat with a human face. Wait, didn’t Amity read something somewhere about an entire dimension with those things?

“AAHH! No! Human souls trapped in cat bodies!”

Finally was a- ...carton of milk?

“NOOOO! I'm lactose intolerant!”

“Not enough.”

From some of the stories Amity had heard, many matches with Grom start out with small fears like this. But once Grom gets a hold of its victim, that’s when things really take a turn. This was not going to cut it.

“The reason I can't face Grom- it goes deeper than things that just gross me out. What's your real fear, Luz?”

Amity then saw Luz think for a few seconds, looking up at the house behind her.

“My real fear... is that Eda thinks I'm too fragile to do this! And if she's right, I'll never be a real witch!”

Alright. Fear of a mentor feeling less of their pupil. THIS was something they could work with. Ed and Em then combined their magic to make a large version of the Owl Lady herself.

“You're inadequate.”

They even managed to nail the voice. As much as they got on her nerves, Amity had to give them credit where credit was due.

The illusion then conjured up a high chair, which Luz was now sitting in, as well as a bib saying ‘weak baby’. Wow. This really did have an effect on Luz, didn’t it?

“Nooooo!”

It may be difficult for Luz, but Amity knew that this was their best chance of getting her ready for tonight.

“I get it. Ditch the yellow. *GASP*”

Oh great. How’s Eda gonna react to a giant version of herself messing with her pupil?

“Is that supposed to be me? Dang, I look great. *chuckle*”

Apparently with self-admiration. Wow. Amity WISHED she had that level of self-confidence.

“Wait a sec- you're training to be Grom queen!”

“So what if I am!”

“You think training will help against Grom? Luz, you always go overboard and I end up bailing you out. Now, what's the fun in watching a kid get eaten by a monster if it’s my kid?”

“Well, maybe you'll have fun watching me defeat Grom!”

As much as Amity was grateful to Luz for volunteering to take her place, she knew Eda had a point. Seeing it firsthand, Luz did have a habit of jumping in head-first without thinking things through.

However, as Amity saw how low the sun was getting, she knew that they maybe only had less than a couple of hours before Grom started and the rest of them had to get ready, themselves. What they had managed to get done would have to do.

“Luz, I don't think you're ready, but we're literally out of time.”

“I’ll take it. *GASP* I just realized the PERFECT outfit to go with tonight! I gotta get ready. See you in a few hours!”

Well, at least Luz hadn’t lost any of her enthusiasm.

“*SIGH* I swear, the stress that the kid’s putting me through is making me age even faster.” Eda then turns to Amity. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

As Eda walked back into the house, Amity only had one response.

“Me too.”

---

Blight Manor,

30 minutes before Grom

Amity took one last look at herself before she and the twins left for the dance. She had decided to go with a dress that was, in her opinion at least, rather simple. After the day she had, the last thing she wanted was any attention on her.

As Amity was about to leave, she noticed the note on her desk. The one she had written that morning in hopes of asking Luz to be her date tonight. The thing that had started this whole mess. She wondered. Could this whole situation have been avoided if she had never written the note to begin with? Would she have not been as worried about going up against Grom if her mind hadn’t gone to the thought of what she would do if Luz turned her down? Would Luz have not had to worry about what was going to happen tonight if Amity hadn’t been so willing to let Luz fight her battles for her?

Whatever might have been, it was too late to do anything about it now. But there was one last question going through Amity’s mind. Would it still be too late for her to find out how she really feels? She then made the decision to bring the note with her just in case. Maybe if tonight went well enough and any worries about Luz not being able to handle Grom were for nothing, she could still work out how she really saw Luz.

Grabbing the note, she went downstairs where Ed and Em were waiting for her. Unsurprisingly, they had decided to color coordinate their outfits. Twins. Anyway, now that their sister was finally ready, the three of them headed out the door, ready for the night’s festivities. ...well, mostly ready.

As they walked, while Amity could hear her siblings discussing how they each planned to spend the evening with their respective dates, her mind was elsewhere. All she was hoping was that tonight wouldn’t turn out to be a total disaster. Not just for her, but for Luz as well. This was going to be the human’s first dance in the Boiling Isles, and it was going to be spent fighting a monster that feeds off of your worst fears. Maybe she should talk to Luz beforehand, just to make sure that she really was ready.

---

Hexside gymnasium,

Grom

It was still relatively early in the night, but seemed as if this year’s Grom was already in full swing. Amity could already see some couples on the dance floor, while others went to get their Grom pictures taken by the photographer. While Ed and Em waited for their dates on the dance floor, Amity decided to go looking for Luz, but was soon approached by Principal Bump.

“Ah, Miss Blight. Glad you could make it.”

Amity still didn’t know how he could remain so positive knowing that there was a chance Grom could escape that night.

“I must admit, I was skeptical when Luz first came to my office saying that she wanted to volunteer to take your place. But as soon as she mentioned that you would be training her personally, I knew that she was in good hands.”

Great. As if the pressure Amity was feeling that night wasn’t high enough.

“Anyway, hope you enjoy your night!”

Alright. Amity REALLY needed to find Luz. She looked all around the gym, but the human was nowhere in sight. However, she did see Willow making corsages for some of the couples. She supposed that it wouldn’t hurt to ask if she knew where Luz might be. Plus if she was being honest, it would be nice to talk a bit with her old friend, even if they were both still getting used to the idea of possibly becoming friends again after all these years.

“Hey, Willow. Having fun?”

“Amity. Hi. Yeah, things are going well so far.”

“Great. ...”

“...”

“That’s a nice dress you have.”

“Thanks! My dads actually helped pick it out. I like yours, too.”

“Thanks. ...So, have you by chance seen Luz? I need to check with her on something.”

“Oh yeah. She told Gus and I about volunteering to take your spot. I think I saw her a few minutes ago in the hallway.”

“Thanks.”

As Amity was about to head for the hall, she stopped for a moment.

“Hey, I know it’s only been a few days since we’ve started to make some progress. But… can I get your opinion on something?”

“Uh… sure. What’s on your mind?”

“...Do you think it was wrong of me to let Luz take my place? I mean, I’m very grateful to her for wanting to help me out. But at the same time, I’m feeling kind of bad the reason she’ll be facing Grom is because I was too afraid. Should I have done more to dissuade her from doing it?”

There was silence for a moment. Amity waited for Willow to start chewing her out for putting Luz in potential danger. But to her surprise, Willow simply placed a hand on her shoulder and spoke calmly.

“Look. I get any worries you might have right now. But I think you and I both know that once Luz sets her mind on something, there’s not a whole lot to convince her otherwise. I mean, it was because of her persistence that we’re starting to repair our bond, right?”

“...yeah, that is true.”

“Also, from what I’ve seen, even when things have gotten bad for Luz, she’s always been full of surprises. I take it you’ve seen it as well. Plus, if things do get out of hand, Principal Bump asked Eda to chaperone tonight. I seriously doubt she’d let anything serious happen to Luz in her watch.”

That’s right. Amity had forgotten that Eda was there tonight. If those claims about her being the most powerful witch in the Boiling Isles were to be believed, maybe there was less to worry about after all.

“But hey. I think it’s still really sweet that you’re this worried about Luz. It really says a lot about how far you two have come. Although, maybe try not to show it as much around her. If she sees that you’re worried about something, then SHE might start to get worried. And I don’t think any of us want that.”

“Yeah, good point.”

Just then, the lights in the gym started dimming, and they could hear Gus’ voice over the mic on stage.

“Ladies, gentlemen, and assorted demons! It's almost time for our main Grom event. Please, please, take a seat, and be aware that the first three rows are designated splash zones.”

Amity knew that it wouldn’t be much longer before the battle. She had to talk to Luz while she had the chance.

“Hey, I gotta go find Luz. Thanks for the talk Willow. It really helped.”

“No problem. Also, if you need any other advice regarding Luz, just let me know.”

“What?”

“Oh, nothing!”

As Amity started to walk towards the hall, she wondered. Was there a chance that Willow knew? Could her recent behavior around Luz really be that obvious?

Once she made it to the hallway, she looked at the note she brought with. Part of her started to wonder if it would even be fair to ask Luz at this point. Willow was right about not wanting to make Luz worry. Would asking her now just put more in her mind for Grom to use against her? Just then, Amity heard footsteps and put the note away. She looked up and saw Luz standing in front of her.

“I'm not sure if it's nerves or if I accidentally drank some milk, but something's making my stomach squirm.”

“You look nice. Strange, but... nice.”

It was true. While the combination of the outfit wasn’t your… typical choice for an event like this, there was something rather charming in how unique it was. Amity thought, in a way, it was the perfect outfit for Luz to wear tonight.

“And, thank you, Luz. Honestly, I'm kind of amazed with how fearless you are. You've done things I could never do.”

“Hah, yeah, right! You goin' soft on me, Blight?”

“*chuckle* In your dreams.”

While Amity couldn’t quite explain it, being there at that moment, having this little talk with Luz, it all just felt… right.

“Now, introducing our Grom queen. You know her, you love her, you've... at least heard of her. Luz, the Human!”

Well, this was it. The moment of truth. Time to find out whether or not Luz was really ready.

“Wish me luck!”

As Amity watched Luz walk out into the gym, she couldn’t shake that feeling of guilt that had been with her that night. So much so, she could only get out one word.

“Luck.”

She really hoped that this wasn’t a mistake.

It must’ve been right around then that Gus pushed the button on stage. Amity could hear the arena opening up and saw the weapon racks rise up beside Luz. She decided to find a spot on the bleachers that was out of the way enough that she wouldn’t be noticed, but still close enough that she could easily make out Luz’s progress.

As Amity watched Luz go down into the area, weapon and glyphs in hand, she noticed Grom starting to take the form of those weird cats that were on Luz’s list. Luz seemed to be handling the situation pretty well so far. But Amity knew that this was just the beginning. The level of fear would only increase from here.

Minutes went by, and Luz still seemed to be going strong. Amity heard commentary being done by Gus and Principal Bump, as well as… some words being said by King. But she wasn’t really focusing on what they were saying. Right now, all of her attention was on Luz and Grom.

Amity then saw Grom start to transform into what looked like some sort of monstrous version of Eda. Wow. If this was supposed to be its interpretation of Luz’s worries about Eda not having confidence in her, maybe this really was Luz’s greatest fear. Hopefully that training they did earlier will pay off here and they can finally move on with-

Just then, Grom reached out to Luz’s head and… Wait. Something’s not right. It’s transforming again. This time into… a door? Amity sees the door start to open and… Hold on a second. Who is that?

#the owl house #toh #luz noceda #amity blight #lumity #luz x amity #eda clawthorne #king toh #hooty toh #willow park #gus porter #edric blight #emira blight #principal bump #enchanting grom fright #fanfiction #fanfic

10 notes · View notes

aion-rsa · 4 years

Text

30 Rock’s Best Running Jokes

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

When 30 Rock drew its final breath in 2013, yards of column inches were devoted – deservedly so – to praising the work of creator Tina Fey. Article upon article applauded the characters, cast, performances and seven seasons of energetic, inventive, satirical comedy.

More than anything else though, 30 Rock was always about the gags. It was fruitcake-dense with jokes, regularly fitting in more quotable laughs before its opening credits than many shows manage in a full half-hour. As it returns for a one-off reunion special, join us in celebrating the many, many running gags of its seven-season history, from the fake movies, to the terrible yet incredibly catchy songs, Frank’s hats, and those godawful TGS sketches…

The fake movies

The presence of Tracy Jordan (a bonafide Martin Lawrence meets the Wayans Brothers-style movie star) in the TGS cast opened up the world of film parody to 30 Rock.

Admittedly Jenna Maloney also enjoyed a movie career of sorts, but while she was being offered the part of “any blonde actress” in torture porn flicks by the producers who watched and rented Saw, Tracy was turning down the lead in Garfield 3: Feline Groovy to pursue his serious acting career. The latter climaxed with the release of spot-on Precious parody Hard To Watch (Based on the novel Stone Cold Bummer by Manipulate), for which Tracy received the O in his EGOT plan. Sheer class.

Over the years though, who couldn’t not smile at Tracy’s blaxpoitation-filled back catalogue, from the timeless romance of A Blaffair to Rememblack, to Sherlock Homie, Who Dat Ninja?, The Chunks 2: A Very Chunky Christmas, and last but by no means least, Honky Grandma Be Trippin’. The man is a chameleon (in that he’s always a lizard).

Two of Jenna’s TGS projects however, bring back the fondest memories of 30 Rock’s stinging movie satire: small-town legal drama The Rural Juror (based on a Kevin Grisham novel), and her GE-produced life rights-avoiding Janis Joplin biopic, Sing Them Blues White Girl: The Jackie Jormp Jomp Story.

The TGS sketches

The quality of TGS’ output was never under question in 30 Rock; the sketch show was unremittingly bad (when the absence of their star meant a ‘Best of TGS’ series had to be run in lieu of live shows, Legal objected to their use of the word ‘Best’, and when a review dubbed it the worst comedy ever made, Liz was thrilled they’d defined it as a comedy). Liz Lemon’s opus was a fluorescent collection of fart gags, dodgy caricatures, Jenna’s songs, and misjudged celebrity impressions.

Beginning life as, in Kenneth’s words, “a real fun ladies comedy show for ladies”, TGS was Saturday Night Live’s idiot brother, the unsophisticated thorn in NBC’s side, under constant threat of controversy and cancellation. Forced to synergise backward overflow, advertise parent company products and promote GE interests, 30 Rock’s show-within-a-show satirised both the TV industry and tired trends in comedy (the always hilarious combination of a fat woman who’s sexually confident! Old ladies are crazy! Farts!).

Lemon may have seduced pilot Carol (Matt Damon) with her Fart Doctor skits, but TGS failed to win many hearts. With sketches like Pam the Overly Confident Morbidly Obese Woman, Ching-Chong Man Who Loves to Play Ping-Pong, Fat Hillary Clinton, Bear vs. Killer Robots, Me Want Food, and Gaybraham Lincoln, why it wasn’t more successful is a mystery.

Astronaut Mike Dexter

Lemon may have ended up with James Marsden’s Criss Chros, but fictional boyfriend Astronaut Mike Dexter will always hold a special place in her heart. Handsomer than Dr Drew, less British than Wesley Snipes, less living-in-Cleveland than Floyd, and a million times better than Dennis Duffy, Astronaut Mike Dexter had it all… except of course, a corporeal self.

The fake songs

Over the years, Jenna Maroney’s singing career has vomited up some truly dreadful creations, and topping the list has to be Muffin Top (a big hit in the king-making music markets of Israel and Belgium). Seguing from its pop insanity chorus “My muffin top is all that, wholegrain, low-fat” into a Madonna-style spoken-word rap “I’m an independent lady, so please don’t try to play me. I run a tidy bakery. The boys all want my cake for free”, the song is a battery assault on the senses.

But is it worse than Jenna’s summer dance jam, Balls, which earned her the princely sum of $50 in royalties? Or her computer generated, generic benefit song in aid of an unspecific natural disaster, which urged viewers to donate to “help the people the thing that happened, happened to”? How about the Jackie Jormp Jomp performance she gave of Chunk Of My Lung, written by Jack five minutes before the show, containing the classic line “You know you’ve bought it if life makes you sweet food”? Or Fart So Loud, the un-Weird Al-able song she and Tracy wrote after he parodied the theme to Avery Jessup TV movie Kidnapped? Such riches…

It’s not only Jenna who’s provided 30 Rock’s musical intervals of course. Season three finale Kidney Now! welcomed an eclectic collection of stars including Sheryl Crow, Mary J Blige, Elvis Costello, Moby, two of the Beastie Boys, Wyclef Jean, and Cyndi Lauper to perform a We Are The World-style anthem at the Milton Green benefit gig. Angie Jordan famously released a fifteen-second single My Single Is Dropping, to ride on the wave of her reality-show fame, Frank and Pete’s Sound Mound came up with unforgettable rock anthem Weekend Woman, and in the very same episode, even Tina Fey got in on the action by providing excellent Joni Mitchell parody, Paints and Brushes.

The legacy award though, as in the 30 Rock fake song that will continue to bring joy to the hearts of fans decades from now, has to go to one song, and one song only: Tracy Jordan’s Werewolf Bar Mitzvah.

Frank’s hat slogans

Off-set, stand-up Judah Friedlander favours his ‘World Champion’ trucker hat, the one he claims to have been awarded as the winner of the World Championships of pretty much all sports, martial arts, and that time he karate kicked Chuck Norris’ beard off his face and forced him to legally change his name to Charles.

On-set as Frank Rossitano though, Friedlander wears a series of self-designed trucker hats, each bearing a different gnomic slogan. Often incongruous, sometimes suggestive, and always odd, Frank’s hat slogans are part of the bricks and mortar of 30 Rock. In terms of favourites, we’re quite fond of ‘Alabama Legsweep’, or the laconic enigma of ‘And’, though ‘Shark Cop’, ‘Half Centaur’ and ‘Space Gravy’ also caught our eye over the seasons.

Jenna’s Mickey Rourke sex stories

Like Dot Com’s intellectualism, this running gag may have been introduced late into proceedings, but Jenna’s torrid sexual history with putty-faced beefcake Mickey Rourke gave J-Mo some of her best lines. Jenna’s allusions to Rourke’s sexually deviant and murderous attempts on her life paint a fascinating picture for 30 Rock fans. Here are some of the finest:

“Your new vibe is a double-edged sword, much like the kind Mickey Rourke tried to kill me with”, “Nice try Hazel, but you made the same mistake Mickey Rourke made on that catamaran. You didn’t kill me when you had the chance.”, “I’m going to have to reinvent you. Break you down completely and build you up from scratch. Just like Mickey Rourke did to me sexually.” “Next time you’ll tell me Mickey Rourke catapulted you into the Hollywood sign.” “You know what they say, if you can’t stand the heat, get off Mickey Rourke’s sex grill.” Wise words.

Kenneth the immortal page

To this day Kenneth Ellen Parcell remains something of an enigma to 30 Rock viewers. In later seasons, Jack McBrayer’s character went from being a simple country rube from Stone Mountain, Georgia to the flesh vessel for a mysterious immortal with no reflection, no age, and links to a world beyond our own.

Plenty of reference has been made to Kenneth’s ageless and supernatural state over the years, including the suggestion that not only is he unable to die, but he’s also an angel, sent to oversee the transition of souls from one world to the next.

The fake TV shows

It’s either a credit to the 30 Rock team or a condemnation of our times that Jack Donaghy’s hit reality viewer vote show, MILF Island, no longer feels like a parody. In generations to come, time will no doubt erode the boundaries between fact and fiction, and we 30 Rock fans will be telling our kids about the time we watched Deborah beat her competitors and claim MILF victory in the same breath as educating them about those people who ate kangaroo anuses for public approval.

MILF Island stands head and shoulders above the rest of 30 Rock’s fake TV shows (including TGS itself, lest we not forget), but that doesn’t mean that Gold Case, Los Amantes Clandestinos, Black Frasier, Homonym, or the inimitable Bitch Hunter deserve any less respect. Our fallen brothers, we salute you.

We could go on indefinitely listing the recurring jokes that made 30 Rock great, from Liz’s sandwich lust and desire to go to there, to Jack’s gloriously thatched head of hair and Republican conspiracies. As the show prepares to return, which of the above will live again?

30 Rock: A One-Time Special lands on NBC on Thursday July 16th at 8pm in the US.

The post 30 Rock’s Best Running Jokes appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2WjIevB

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

5 notes · View notes