#of the songs i think the rumor is my favorite? but i've been listening to the whole thing on repeat so maybe i love them all

[sweetsweetjellybean]

Your crush on Eddie was better off a secret and a kiss that should never have happened leads you into a storm.

I wasn't happy with my first version of chapter 4. So I polished it up and added a little more dialog. Feel free to wait for the next chapter but if you'd like to read it, either as a refresher or for the very first time, please let me know what you think. XOXO-Jelly

Masterlist Listen to Fake Plastic Trees Here

What to expect: Second Chance Romance set in 2012 Chicago.  Eddie and Steve are in their 30s. Fem!Reader is given a pet name from each of the guys. No other name mentioned. No use of Y/N. No physical description. Reader does have a bit of personality, as I find it nearly impossible to keep her blank for such a long fic. You may find yourself at times making choices that you wouldn't normally make, but I hope you can put that aside and enjoy the ride. Sensitive Content. 18+ Mentions of DV. Smut Guaranteed happy ending. This is my love letter to Eddie Munson.

WC: 11646 beta'd by @superblysubpar

A sharp chill nips at your cheeks as gusts of autumn wind blow through the amber-leafed trees surrounding Hawkins High's parking lot. You pick at the splintered wood of the picnic table beneath you, etched with initials and scribbles. The anguished croon of Placebo plays through your headphones, drowning out the sounds of the start of another school day. Shifting the pile of books on your lap, you steal a glance at where Eddie stands with his back to you a few yards away.

Lately, it’s like your best friend has purchased real estate in your brain. Daydreams resulting in hearts doodled in the margins of your notebooks a little too close to where you printed his name. His dark curls spill over the collar of his worn denim vest, shadowing the frayed edges of the Dio patch he had sown on last week. He's deep in conversation with Dan Shelter, a senior in the same class that Eddie would have been in if he hadn’t missed so much time after his mother passed. They both turn and look at you at the same time.

Eddie’s eyes narrow as his brows pull tighter into a frown. You push one of your headphones back, and the noise of everyday chatter and car engines bursts into your reality. 

"You know your girlfriend is deeply weird, Munson," the spiky-haired jock says, shoving his hands into the pockets of his letterman jacket, not even trying to hide his distaste.

Girlfriend. You’ve both tried to stamp out that rumor—yet no matter who else you go out with, those sparks never last and pale in comparison to the steady flame you feel around Eddie. Would it really be so bad if it were true? The answer scares you more than you expect. 

"She’s not my girl," Eddie retorts with a swift shake of his head, his voice edged with that familiar bite of annoyance. His foot scuffs against the asphalt, the white Reebok stark against the black jeans clinging to his narrow hips. An impatient sigh pulls the fabric of his Hellfire Club t-shirt tighter across his chest, outlining his lean frame. "You in or out?" His fingers snap near Dan's face, the sunlight catching on his silver rings, "I've got other places to be, and you're not my only customer."

"Sure, whatever," Dan grumbles, extending a hand with a few crumpled bills.

Eddie accepts the cash with an easy smirk, teasing the dime bag between thumb and forefinger, letting it sway like a pendulum. Dan’s hand hovers while he glances around for prying eyes, but Eddie lets the bag drop to the ground before he can take it. 

"Oops," Eddie’s voice drips with feigned innocence before he pivots on his heel and walks away without a backward glance.

Dan’s face ignites with anger as he stoops for the bag, muttering a curse.

"Always a pleasure," Eddie calls over his shoulder, flashing a dismissive two-fingered salute. A gaggle of pink-cheeked girls from the sophomore class crosses his path, eyes trailing over him like he's their favorite song come to life.  

"Ladies." He extends an arm, waving them on, his voice as smooth as a melody. They flutter past with giggles and heated glances. Despite their whispers of 'freak' in the corridors, they all vie for a chance to climb into the back of his van when no one is looking – to be the subject of the rumors they'd later deny.

He never hides his interest when he likes a girl — everybody knows when Eddie Munson is into someone. But he’s never looked at you that way, never given you that smile meant for those he desires. And that’s something that has never bothered you. Now, it stirs something else — a green thorny vine wrapping around your insides. He’s just Eddie – your friend. The same old Eddie, you reaffirm, even as your heart whispers lies of a different tune.

Without missing a beat, he saunters over, the rhythmic clink of his chain wallet punctuating each step. He leaps onto the picnic table, landing beside you with a thud, sending vibrations through the timeworn wood. His eyes linger on the girl's retreating forms.

"You need to be careful, Eddie," you warn, tipping your chin toward where Dan is stalking off in a dark cloud of annoyance.

"Careful is my middle name, doll." He smiles a big, sly grin, dimples deepening, causing a flutter in your chest, an unexplained sensation that's become strangely frequent these days.

He nods at your leg, eyes dropping to your thigh. "What’s this?" His dark lashes make half-moon shadows on his cheek as his thumb brushes over the square field of bright white crosses covering the denim patch on your jeans.  A trail of tingles follows, unbidden and unwelcome. You disguise the shiver as a chill from the wind, even as you crave more of his touch.

"It’s called sashiko," you explain, hyper-aware of the warmth of his skin as the ghost of his touch lingers. "The art of visible mending." 

"Looks cool." His gaze meets yours, a little too intense and a little too long. Your fingers clutch your notebooks tighter, a shield against whatever this feeling is.

"Are you coming over after school?" Your voice is steadier than you feel.

"I’ll drop you off, but I’ve got to go back to the trailer after," Eddie replies, his eyes still holding yours in a silent conversation you can't quite interpret. "I’ve got stuff to do." Something in his tone suggests layers you're not ready to peel back. "Not your kind of stuff."

The house where Eddie grew up doesn't look the same anymore. Someone else has moved in – keeping the lawn perfect and fixing up all the broken things, erasing any traces of tragedy. The neighborhood has moved on, absolving themselves like they hadn’t just turned their back and let it happen. As if it wasn't their problem. Eddie's staying on the other side of town now with his Uncle Wayne in a tiny one-bedroom trailer. Wayne's heart is in the right place, even if he drinks too much, just like Eddie's dad did. But he's not bad, just... lost when it comes to dealing with an angry teen, and with him working nights, Eddie's on his own to figure out how to deal with it all. 

"I can keep you company?” You try to keep the offer casual despite the hump in your pulse.

He shakes his head, a shadow crossing his features. "Nah, I’ve got to stop at Rick's, then a run." There's a hardness in his eyes that wasn't there before.

You frown and look away, hiding your disappointment. "I don’t see what the big deal is," you argue, keeping your voice low, "We smoke together all the time."

"The big deal," he says, reaching out to lift your chin and forcing you to look at him. "Is that this is business, and I don’t want you involved. Alright?" His voice is firm, letting you know he won’t budge. "I’ll pick you up later," he promises. "Movie night. Just us."

The shrill ring of the bell is your cue to retreat, to put distance between you and these feelings threatening to upend everything. You nod at him, shoving your books into your bag. His gaze holds you for a heavy beat before breaking away. There's a shift in the air, a prelude to something you can't name, like the static before a storm. Eddie's last glance sears itself into your thoughts when you part ways at the door. 

As you make your way to class, those feelings nag at you like a forgotten lyric. You hug your arms, trying to squeeze out the persistent ache that spreads through your limbs. It's a tangible pain, this longing, like a hand squeezing around your heart, making it hard to breathe.

But you push it all down, guarding it like a secret. To lock it away in the confines of your ribcage, where it can't taint the one thing you value most. The friendship you've built is too important, too rare to risk on a silly crush that might only live in your head and fade with time. It’s a gamble you won’t take. You can't lose him. You won’t watch that light in his eyes dim for you, awkward silences replacing the laughter. Without him, you’d be alone.

Cold gray days give way to dark, inky nights. The stars and moon are veiled behind thick cotton clouds, stealing the light earlier as fall edges closer to winter. Winds gust, sending wet leaves sticking to the glass of your office windows as the bare fingers of the boxwoods planted around the brownstone scratch against the house in protest.

Lowering the lid of your laptop, the light in the room dims as the brightness is trapped between the two halves. Your arms stretch over your head, loosening the tension in your neck as you push away from your desk, drifting towards the sounds of life from the living room. Steve’s long legs are stretched out on the chaise end of the couch, a Bulls game on the TV, but his attention is stuck on the laptop resting on his thighs. 

“My eyes are going to fall out my head if I stare at that screen for any longer,” you declare, rounding the corner of the couch.

“Well, then, come stare at this screen instead.” He nods at the TV, extending his arm to make space for you to crawl onto the couch next to him and fit yourself into his side. 

“You’re so warm.” You nuzzle into his chest, and his lips touch the top of your head. “Don’t let me fall asleep.”

“I’ll wake you up when it’s time for bed. I still have a few hours of work left,” he sighs, his finger sliding down the trackpad as he scrolls through a document that never seems to end. 

“Is that for the launch?” Your eyes squint at the brightness of the screen. 

He groans at the ping of another incoming email while toggling between the many windows he has open. “Yeah, we're in the final stretch. The event team is trying to finalize the details. Maroon 5 and Fallout Boy are locked in to perform, but we’re still waiting to hear back from a few other acts and about a million other details that need ironing out.”

“It’s going to be a great night, baby. Everyone will be so impressed,” you assure, the arm you have draped across his stomach tightening, trying to impress your words into him. “Everything is going to go smoothly, you’ll see.”

He scoffs, doubt clouding his voice. “I wish I had your confidence. The server's capacity is still a question mark, and we're racing to fix streaming delays. Fuck!” The heels of his hands press into his eyes. “All I need is this thing to fail at the last minute, especially with Richard and my dad watching.” He imitates his father's stern tone, “Typical. He’s always been a fuck up. Chokes right before the buzzer.” Letting his hands drop, his eyes turn to you. “I should have listened to you and not invited my parents. I actually never thought they would agree to come. Now I’m running around trying to get things ready for them too.”

“Hey,” you take one of his hands between yours, “That’s not going to happen, Steve. If the servers have issues or if there's a lag, it's just a hiccup. You've got a team to handle that. You've put in the work, and you're brilliant at what you do. Your parents will see that. Everyone will.” 

He manages a smile, but it’s just a placation.

“What can I do to help?” You ask, “I’ll make sure we have some Pellegrino stocked and that cheese your parents like.”

There's a pause as he weighs his next words. “I’ve already called the housekeeper and told them to put fresh sheets in the guest room in case they decide to stay here, but I still need to make a reservation at the Four Seasons as a backup.”

Your jaw tightens, but you curb your annoyance at how John Harrington has everyone trained to cater to his high-maintenance whims, but this is for Steve’s peace of mind. “I’ll call first thing tomorrow. Consider it done. Anything else?”

He hesitates, a little apologetic. "My suit... the dry cleaner closes early tomorrow. I hate to ask, but I might not make it in time–"

“No problem. I’ll make time.”

His lips lift at the corners, and this time, his smile reaches his eyes. “I love you.” He leans forward, slotting his lip softly between yours. “I’ll put the ticket in your bag. Thanks for helping out, Ace.”

“I just have Eddie's interview tomorrow afternoon. I should have plenty of time." Standing, you tug at his hand. "Now, can we go to bed? Everything will look better after a good night's sleep.”

His mouth sets in a determined line as he shuts down his laptop, yielding to your pull as he rises. His hand finds a place on the small of your back, grounding you both as you climb the stairs together. 

Hitching the strap of your messenger bag higher on your shoulder, you kick at a loose stone on the sidewalk in front of the brick building. Car horns blare in the distance as traffic rolls by in the busy neighborhood.  The sun casts a glint off the steel CursedSound sign, its metal already weathering with a faint tinge of color. The heavy door is yanked open, its clank and whine making you jump. 

"Hi," Eddie greets you with a soft tone from the other side of the threshold.

"Hi," you return, shyness adding a tremble to your voice that shouldn’t be there. His fingers grip the edge of the door, and light flashes off the Rolex peeking out from under the cuff of the plaid flannel he wears over a fitted v-neck and jeans, the fabric snug against his defined shoulders. It’s still a novelty to see how his slim build has filled in over the years. Part of you still expects the boy you knew instead of this man in front of you. He looks you over in the same way, like he’s trying to decide if you’re really there. Maybe it’s the differences he sees in you, too, or does he still see the lonely girl he once knew? You shift your gaze down the street, your toes curling inside your Converse as warmth climbs up your neck. "Are you going to let me in?"

"I don't know." He pretends to ponder, a smile forming, crinkling the corners of his eyes. "Where's your hard hat?"

Tilting your head to the side, you purse your lips until he breaks into a chuckle. He swings the door open wider, welcoming you in. You pass him with a shake of your head and continue down the hall. 

The lobby is in chaos.

"Sorry for the mess. The maid took the week off," he quips, watching you take in the space. 

The brown paper has been removed from the windows, allowing bright light to stream through the streaked and dirty glass. All the furniture has been pushed toward the center of the room, and ladders and paint cans litter the floor space. A large mural wrapping around the windows and front entrance has been outlined but not completed. In the same graffiti style as the one upstairs, this one displays more cityscapes with waves of the lake breaking at the forefront. Winged skulls and guitars blend with colorful swirls of clouds rising toward the ceiling. 

"It’s perfect," you tell him as your eyes follow the sweeping, colorful lines around the room. “Really beautiful.”

"Was that a compliment?" He asks, coming up behind you, his breath a warm whisper against your ear. "I thought it was a dump."

"Well, what can I say?” You spin around. “It’s growing on me." Your fingers move to your lips, concealing your smile as his deepens with your praise. 

"You look really good." His low voice bounces off the empty walls, "I mean…your, uh, outfit is nice." He waves his hand toward you before wiping it on the front of his jeans. 

Your brows raise as you glance down at the jeans and plain Lolla tee you put on this morning. None of the trendy outfits you usually wear for interviews seemed to fit right today. 

"Wow, that was smooth," he says, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I don’t know why I’m so nervous."

The fluttering in your stomach matches his energy.  “Maybe it’s because I’m going to get you to spill all your secrets and print them so the whole world can sit in judgment."

 A choked sound comes from his throat as his eyes widen into saucers.

Unable to keep a straight face, you giggle. "Relax, Eddie. I already told you I’m not writing some hit piece. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Besides," you shrug, "It’s only me." 

A sharp breath escapes as his shoulders lower. "Yeah, you’re right." He says, taking a step forward, his gaze locking with yours. "After all these years, it's still you.

"Eddie." His name comes out on a breathless sigh as you look away.  The shield of anger between you is heavy and battered, and you aren’t sure how much longer you can hold it up. He takes another step forward, and you clear your throat. "Why don’t you show me what else you’ve done?"

He rakes a hand through his curls, "Of course." His lips tighten into a flat line as he gestures toward the stairs. "After you." 

You lead the way to the second floor, where the smell of fresh paint permeates the air. A ladder leans against a half-painted wall, and orange extension cords crisscross the carpet in the hall, winding into the studios like work has been suddenly halted.

"Where is everyone?" You look around the abandoned space before stepping inside Studio A. It's come a long way since your last visit. The deck that holds the mixing board is ready, and the wiring is underway.

"I didn’t know how long you’d be here, so I told them to take the rest of the day off." His eyes follow the movements of your hand, brushing over knobs and sliders of the soundboard that's still sheathed in a protective layer of plastic. 

"You didn’t have to do that," you say, walking back out into the hall. 

"I didn’t think we needed the audience," he shrugs, walking along with you to the next room.

"I hope you don’t fall behind schedule." The walls of the small Studio B are covered with walnut slats to create an acoustic barrier while still keeping the room open, while the mixing room kept the original exposed brick.

"I’ve got time."

"Even so," you move to the window. The sun glints off the mirrored surface of the tall building across the street. "I’m sure you're eager to open. Put out that first album with the CursedSound logo in the liner notes."

"Of course I am." He comes to stand beside you, taking in the bustle of the city at midday. "It’s gonna be good to have nothin’ between me and the music. Let the artists be as creative as they want. Their management can deal with the corporate A&R people and leave me out of it."

"You never did like playing by the rules," you smile, catching his eyes in the reflection of the glass.

He turns his head, studying your profile. "Why should I?" he continues, his tone more determined, "The rules sure as hell never helped me. I'm gonna take my chances as I find them, even if I have to play a little dirty. I deserve happiness the same as the next guy."

"Of course you do." The world has done nothing but take from him. 

"What about you?" He asks as you return to the hall. "The rules seemed to be treating you well."

You raise your shoulders with a warm smile gracing your lips, one you have no intention of concealing. "I love my job. I like the city, and…I have Steve."

"You ending up with Steve Harrington," his voice curls around the name, a sneer you can almost see, "I gotta admit, I didn't see that one coming."

Stopping, you pivot to face him, crossing your arms over your chest. "He's a good guy, Eddie."

He sighs in a short, almost defeated breath. "I know he is, doll."

The unmarked door at the end of the hall provides a convenient distraction. "Where does this go?" You wonder with your hand closing over the knob.

"My apartment."

"You're living here?" You let it go like it burned you, swallowing the lump that has made a sudden appearance in your throat. 

"Sure. Can't beat the commute." He reaches around you, turning the doorknob to reveal another flight of stairs. "Do you want to go up?"

Flashes of that day are more vivid than they should be for memories two years old. The closet carpet is soft under your fingers as wet tears rain down on the glossy pages. Steve's voice gets closer as he calls out your name. A tightness grips your chest as you attempt to step back, momentarily forgetting that Eddie's right behind you. He supports you with a steadying hand on your hip as he faces you, seeking your reaction.

"No, that's okay. I think we're fine down here. I  wouldn't want to disturb anyone," you say, attempting to sound confident as you wipe your palms along the sides of your jeans.

Eddie scratches the side of his head as his brow wrinkles. "Who do you think it up there?" 

A hot breath passes your lips as you turn away, walking back down the hall toward Studio C. "I don’t know," you call over your shoulder, too chicken to face him. "Skyler Simmons. Rock royalty. Media darling. According to the magazines, your long-time girlfriend. The one you own a house with. Ring any bells? Isn’t she here with you?"

"My what? Skyler Simmons?" The deep belly laugh that follows has you spinning on your heels to face him.

"Wait. You’re serious?" His dimples make an appearance as his smile deepens. "Me and Skyler?" He can barely get her name out without chuckling. 

"The one you’re photographed with constantly."

His brows shoot up. "Keeping tabs on me?"

"Oh, don’t flatter yourself," you huff. "It came up in my research. Do you have a relationship with her or not?"

"I know her," he offers, shaking his head, "She’s a friend. We go to the same group." 

"What group? The one for annoying assholes." 

He pauses, his arms crossing over his chest. "The one for people with addiction in their families. That okay with you?" His voice escalates. The simmering anger in his eyes mirrors the intensity of his tone. "Skyler is gay. Her girlfriend's usually hanging around, too. Does that mean I’m fucking her too? Jesus."

Frigid water clashes with your hot blood as the fight drains away. Glancing at your feet, your voice diminishes to barely more than a whisper. "Why hasn't she come out in the media?"

"Maybe because it’s none of anybody's fucking business." His piercing gaze bores into you as the sharp words land like heavy stones in the sour pit in your stomach. "Hold on," he waves a hand in front of you, "Why do you even care?"

"I don’t," your voice falters as the dishonest answer leaves you without hesitation. Your eyes trace the patterns on the floor. "It just makes for a better story, is all." 

His hands run through his hair, fingers tugging on the ends as his tone softens. "Doll," he pauses, taking a deliberate step closer. His warm fingers cup your jaw, forcing your eyes to meet his. Those amber swirls, always seeing beyond your surface. "No one else is in my apartment, and no one else is gonna be."

His touch sends a searing heat spreading through your skin as the weight of your engagement ring pulls on your finger. "You’re a grown man, Eddie. Do whatever you want." Stepping back, his hand falls from your face as you turn and enter the studio.

"Fucking stubborn," the low murmur carries under his breath as he follows you inside.

"It looks like this one’s almost finished." You spin around the room, taking in the progress, before letting your bag slide down your shoulder and sinking onto the couch. 

Gray triangles of acoustic foam now adorn the live room walls in contrasting patterns, and layers of soft carpeting line the floor. The mixing room's mural stands completed, and the furniture has all been placed. 

His eyes move around the room, the pride evident on his face. "Just some wiring and the vocal booth, and I’ll be ready to start setting the levels."

"This one’s your favorite, I can tell," you shift, tucking a leg under you as he joins you on the couch. 

"Shhh," he hushes you, raising a finger to his lips. "The others will get jealous."

Rolling your eyes, you pull your phone from your bag, open the recording app, and set it between you both.

"How does this work?" Eddie's eyes are fixed on your phone while he rubs the back of his neck.

"Well, typically," your hand slips back into your bag to retrieve the neatly stapled pages of your notes, "I ask a question, and you provide the answer." You set the pages in your lap, drawing in a steadying breath. He’s sitting in front of you with a key to a locked door  – one that might be best left closed and forgotten, but it’s time to hear him out. 

"Eddie Munson interview, part one."

"Mr. Munson." You slip into your most professional tone. "Thank you for granting us an interview during this busy time. All of us at Stax are very excited to welcome CursedSound to Chicago."

He leans forward, his voice dropping slightly in timber as a much smoother, older Eddie begins to answer, "Thank you. I always have time for my favorite magazine." He winks.

Your lips press into a line as you tilt your head to the side, taking a quick glance at your packet. "In April 2003, Fever to Tell was released by a relatively new band and a completely unknown sound engineer. It went on to sell over a million copies, putting The Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the name Eddie Munson on industry minds. Fever to Tell is still, to date, one of my favorite albums. Were you aware of the significant impact this record would have when you were working on it?"

"At the time, we were really just hopeful, you know? We believed in the music we were creating. Karen and Nick, and Brian flew out from New York with their last dime, and we just got to work. Karen had this kind of raw, untamed energy, and I wanted to capture that, to add an edge to the album. It was this post-punk dance-floor-friendly racket that injected a much-needed dose of authenticity into a musical era that was getting stagnant."

"It's not an exaggeration to say that record helped shape the direction of indie and alternative rock for years to come. But what I want to ask is you before all that. What was the road like moving from Hawkins to having your dreams come true in LA? Was this the path you first set out on, or were there curves in the road?"

"I think 'curves' is a generous term for the absolute shit choices I was making for myself back then," he chuckles. "As you know, I left Hawkins about a year after I graduated. That town had already decided I would never be anything more than a freak– a loser with no future. If I had stayed, that's exactly what would have happened. I was trying to outrun my past without a clue what I wanted for my future. I had my own band back then, and sometimes, we’d open for slightly bigger bands that rolled through town. One of them was about to tour and invited me to go as their one and only roadie, and it felt like a free ticket out."

"Bananafish," you interject, swallowing and glancing down at your notes.

"Yeah, Bananafish. God, they sucked. Did you know they started as a Spin Doctors tribute band?"

"No," you laugh, "And that wasn’t a red flag for you?"

"It should have been. I wasn’t with them for long anyway. I think I lasted for three weeks before they cut me loose for getting in a fight with the drummer." He pauses, shaking his head. "I never knew when to shut my mouth. At that point, they had hooked up with another band called Everly. Slightly better, but not by much. I managed to hold it together for a few months. I was high or drunk most of the time, the only reason they kept me around was because they liked the way I babied their instruments."

"I remember,” you nod. “You’d spend half an hour polishing that Warlock every day after school." 

"Got to treat a lady right if you want her to sing for you," he says with a sly rise and fall of his brows, draping an arm over the back of the couch, shrinking the space between you.

"I was surprised that you left it behind." 

Eddie's expression turns more solemn. "There were a lot of things I wished I could’ve taken with me. But back then, I couldn’t even take care of myself."

"I don’t believe that," you swallow, the words sticking in your throat, "You could have tried."

"If I had tried, they would’ve ended up broken, and I’d‘ve lost them anyway." His fingers brush your shoulder, and you flinch. The leather creaks as you sit back against the arm of the couch, just out of reach. 

"Back to Everly. Why did you part ways?" 

"Oh, well, I fucked it up, of course. They had landed a spot at Bonnaroo, and I got so fucked up the night before I missed sound check. When I managed to pick myself up off the floor of the van, they handed me my duffel and a twenty and told me to pound sand." His eyes drift away, fixating on a point across the room. "I had barely been outside of Indiana, and there I was, stuck on some farm in Manchester, Tennessee, with no ride, no money, and no one to call. I was angry at the world and never felt more alone. People always talk about hitting rock bottom, I thought that was it, but now that I look back, it was more of a crossroads. If I had followed that darker path, there would have been no coming back. I was wandering around backstage where they park buses, hungover, maybe still half in the bag, and that’s when I met Max."

"Max Navarro?" You shuffle through the pages of your notes.

"Yeah. You know him?" Eddie’s eyes brighten as his gaze drops to the pages in your lap.

Your head turns from side to side. "You referred to him as a mentor in the Stones interview, but I couldn’t find much on him besides his name being listed as an audio engineer for several tours."

"That’s Max." Eddie breaks into a smile. "He’d tell you he likes flying under the radar. He was hanging out in front of the bus playing guitar with a couple of guys when I walked over like a cocky shit, picked one up, and started playing. He gave me something to smoke, and it wasn’t weed. All I know is that I woke up face-down in the dirt the next morning. I don’t know if he liked me or just felt bad for me, but he dragged me on the bus and had me start assisting him with the sound for Faith No More."

"Faith No More? Are you kidding me?" Your hands fall to your lap, slapping against your thighs, jostling the cushion enough for your phone to slide toward the back of the couch. "You had their poster in your room. If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you had a charmed life."

"Well, even the sun shines on a dog's ass some days," he laughs.

"So Max is who taught you about engineering?" 

"Max is who taught me about everything." His voice holds a reverence when he says his name.  "He kept an eye on me. Showed me how to work the boards.  He said he could see shadows following me around, so when we got to LA, he took me out to the desert, fed me some tea, and exercised my demons."

"Did it work?" Max wasn't the only one to see shadows looming. Consequences of decisions made by others. Expectations of a community that turned its back. They clung to him like an impenetrable fog. 

"I’m not sure. I felt lighter after, but it could have been the gallon of water I sweat out," he chuckles.  "After that, he cashed in a favor and got me an internship with a small studio in Laurel Canyon. I parked cars at night and lived in a room the size of a closet at Max’s house. I worked my ass off. I went to therapy–" 

"How very L.A. of you," you chime in.

"Don’t knock it until you try it." He looks at you from under raised brows. "It’s, uh, good to talk about things. Be open, you know?" 

"No thanks. I tried that once," you tell him pointedly, the tightness in your chest returning, "It didn’t work out for me."

Your arrow hit the target. Regret flashes in his eyes. "Doll–" 

"You decided to stay in L.A. and work at a studio instead of going back out on the road?"

"I like studio sessions. Makes me feel like I’m working towards something. I like completing an album and putting it out in the world. Some people thrive being out on tour, like Max. Not me," he scratches at his chin. "Too many ghosts on those old roads." 

Like the ones back in Hawkins that jolt you awake in the dead of night, murmuring past shames of a lovesick and foolish girl. Robin had seen it, and so had the entire town, but you aren’t her any longer. She lies resting beneath the frigid earth, her memory an unmarked grave. You've moved forward, and you’ll never go back, the city drowns out the remains of her cries.

"So you stayed and built your life there," you conclude, flipping through the pages of your notes, ticking off the points from your outline.

Eddie leans back, a contemplative look on his face. "I guess you could say that. I got my own place, made some great friends. Sundays are for Max's family and Chile relleno. The weather is always beautiful. But I really stayed for the music,” he shrugs. “Have you been? I could take you some time. Show you around. Max would love to meet you, the girl I won’t shut up about. I think you’d like it there."

The girl he hasn’t bothered to call in a decade. "To Los Angeles?" Your gaze rises from your notes to meet his nodding response. "I've been a few times. With Steve. Mostly for work."

"Oh yeah. Makes sense." His jaw tightens, and he averts his gaze. "Well, I guess the rest is history. Is that enough for your story?"

"Yeah." You reach for your phone, tapping the red square to stop the recording. "It will be a great opening piece for the series." You pick up your messenger, hauling its weight into your lap, tucking your notes inside. The afternoon is ending on a flat note. A stone sits on your tongue, holding back questions that you lack the courage to ask, but maybe it’s better this way.

Eddie sits up suddenly, snapping his fingers. "Speaking of history, I want to show you something." He stands up, looking towards the door and back at you, "Um.. wait here, okay? I’ll just be a minute." 

"Okay-"

He holds up flat palms. "Don’t go anywhere." His eyes close as he winces, " I mean, you can wander around if you want. Just don’t leave."

"Eddie-" 

"I’ll be back." He holds up one finger as he exits the room. 

With a sigh, you push up from your thighs, rising to your feet, walking through to the live room where a drum kit stands at the ready. The snare looks a little worn, and the symbols have lost their shine. Your nails tap the high hat, and you smile at the shimmering sound.

"What am I doing?" You whisper, spinning the gold band on your finger.

The sound of the floor creaking echoes through the hall.  Eddie enters the room with the large box he's carrying obscuring his upper half.  His name written in Wayne's shaky handwriting, peeking out from underneath his fingers.

"What's all this?" You ask as he sets down the box with a heave in the center of the room and sinks to his knees, hovering over the taped flaps.

"I have no idea," he grins mischievously. "Wayne gave it to me when I stopped by last week and told him I would see you. But you know him, he never throws stuff out. It could be anything." His hand smoothes over the top as he raises a brow. "Wanna find out?"

Your hands slide over your jean-covered thighs before your feet carry you forward. "Mrs. Click better not be in there." 

His head tips back with laughter. "I make no promises," he jokes while you take a seat on the floor on the side of the box.  

His mouth quirks up, watching you get comfortable. With a fluid motion, he leans and grabs a box cutter beside the soundboard. His shirt lifts slightly, offering a glimpse of hair trailing down his belly and the sculpted muscle beside his hips. His tongue lightly grazes his upper lip as he expertly flicks the knife open, his jeans snug on the contours of his strong thighs. Exhaling slowly, you avert your eyes, scanning the room instead as you wait for him to slice the tape. 

"Score!" He pulls out the ragged-edged sheet that was folded and tucked into the top of the box. "Corroded Coffin," he reads aloud the words scrawled across it with something resembling shoe polish.

"Oh no," you laugh, your head turning side to side as you rock in your seat. 

"Hey. This is rare band memorabilia. It’s probably worth money," he defends, holding it up proudly. 

"Yeah, to the guy you have to pay to haul it away," you giggle.

"Alright, Alright," he folds it up, the smile never leaving his face as he reaches into the box. "These are yours." He pulls out a stack of comic books and hands them to you.

"Still in good shape." You thumb through the copies of Tank Girl and Witchblade.

"My campaigns." He pulls out a pile of notebooks and sets them aside before reaching back in. "Some CDs." He comes out with a hand wrapped around a stack of jewel cases, the one on top catching your eye. 

"Hey, that’s my Cranberries Cd!" Your fingers dig into the carpet as you tip forward, yanking it from his hand. "I looked for this everywhere. I knew you took it, you thief."

"I don’t know how that got there," he scratches his head, "You must have left in the van."

"Nice try, Munson." your eyes narrow, "I checked there." You lean over the box, poking a finger into his chest, "I knew you had a crush on Dolores."

"You got me. It was the accent," he admits with a grin full of dimples, his hand closing around your finger. 

"I’m keeping it." You drop back into your seat and pick up the case to examine the disc.

"Holy shit."

You raise your head to meet his wide chocolate eyes, a look of sheer delight written across his face. "Close your eyes," he instructs, pulling back the flaps of the box, hiding whatever he's found.

"Mrs. Click?" You set the CD on top of the comics.

"Better," he says excitedly, waving a hand toward your face. “Come on. Close your eyes."

"Fine." You leave one eye open, folding your hands in your lap.

"No peeking." He wags a finger.

Your lips purse as you close your other lid, waiting for the big reveal. Plastic clanks against something heavy, followed by the rustle of cardboard.

"Okay. Open."

"Daisy!" Your hands fly to your mouth before you reach out with wiggling fingers.

He winces as he hands over the two-foot garden gnome. "How can you call something so ugly a pretty name like that?"

Taking the heavy lawn ornament in both hands, you gaze down at her droopy hat and too-large ears, which stick straight out beside her bulging eyes and porcine nose. Her rubbery lips are pulled back in a smile, showing off her buck teeth and flowery dress that barely conceals her body. 

"She's beautiful." You cradle her in your arms. "Besides, you're the one who stole her."

"You’re the one who dared me to," he scoffs. 

Your cheeks already ache with an unrestrained smile as the memories from that night surface. "I didn’t think you were going to wake up the whole neighborhood crashing into the bushes in Mr. Lawson’s yard." 

"I was drunk," he defends, his face turning red.

"You tripped over your feet and ripped your pants," you gasp for air, trying to get the words out with your laughter, "You had on those Garfield boxers with the hearts."

"Of course, you remember that." His laughter joins yours, easy and familiar. "You're the one that woke up the neighbors, making the van backfire."

"It was the first time I drove, and I didn’t have a license." You clutch Daisy tightly to your chest as you try to catch your breath. "Mr. Larson came out in his bathrobe, screaming about shooting you in the ass."

Eddie shakes his head as you laugh at his expense. "He almost caught us when you stalled out. All for that hideous thing."

"Shh," you cover her ears with your hands. "You can’t get rid of her."

"Never," he agrees, reaching out for her. "I’ll find her place of honor around here somewhere."

"Put her on your nightstand," you suggest, handing her over. 

"Ugh," he says, setting her aside, "I’ll have nightmares."

You burst into laughter once more, and his eyes ignite. He smiles like he’s savoring every sound, like your happiness is a hard-earned treasure he's been longing for. 

The shards of the past press against the scar tissue encasing your heart as if struggling to free themselves and reassemble in the present. Your hand finds its way to your chest, pressing gently on the tender center, trying to quell the ache and remain in this moment—with him.

"What else? What else?" You clap your hands, bouncing in your spot. 

"Okay, okay," he gives in, happy to indulge you. "Um, a pack of crayons, a monopoly piece." He places them aside. "Thanks, Wayne. Could have done without that. Looks like some clothes. Oh, this is yours." He tosses a ball of red fabric at you, and you catch it with both hands before he continues to search through the box.

"Is this what I think it is?" His voice brims with excitement as he pulls a rectangular tin from the box. He shakes it, and a sharp sound follows. "Yes." His tongue sticks out from the corner of his mouth as he pries off the lid. 

His voice fades into the background as your focus turns to what you're holding. The fabric of your Musicland vest unfurls as you hold it out in front of you, the gold name tag still pinned to the front catching the light. A heavy sensation settles in your stomach, tightening and cramping as a sick, painful feeling creeps in and spreads — nausea churns as each inhale becomes battle. 

There’s a scrape of metal as the lid pops off. "Polaroids," Eddie declares, his attention lost to the thrill of his find as he flips through the stack of photographs.

Your heart races as the room seems to shrink. "Stop it," you whisper, your voice quivering, your trembling hands twisting the vest as if folding it small enough can make the pain disappear.

"They’re pretty faded, though," he goes on, unaware. 

"I said, that's enough!" The balled-up vest flies from your hands, landing back in the box. Adrenaline surges through your veins as you push yourself up on unsteady legs. "I need to leave."

Eddie's laughter dies in his throat as he looks up, the joy in his eyes replaced by confusion. "Wait a minute." He gets to his feet and follows you. The small pile you made topples over, forgotten as you pick up your bag from the couch. "What just happened?" He moves in front of you, blocking your path. "I thought we were having fun."

"Fun?" The word is a shard of ice. Without hesitation, you sling your bag over your shoulder and maneuver past him towards the door.

“Just hold on a minute.” He blocks your path again, hands up, eyes searching yours for answers. “Tell me what's going on.”

"What do you want?" The words slice the air, eyes locked, a bare blade of anger.

"I wanted to-" His eyes flick toward the abandoned box in the center of the room.

"No." Your head shakes, "Why are you here? Now?  After all this time? What do you want from me?"

"I just wanted to see you." His arms cross over his chest as his voice turns softer. "I missed my friend."

"Your friend," sarcasm drips from your words as you quirk a brow, "So you show up here with a box of crap and a ‘hey doll’,” your voice lowers to mock him, "And I’m supposed to what? Forget about everything that happened and hand you a clean slate. Drop everything in my life to follow you around like a puppy because you feel like paying me some attention?"

"That’s not…I’m not asking for that." His hand runs through his curls, frustration building in his tone. 

"I'm not going to sit here with you wandering down memory lane and watch you pretend like you cared." Your eyes sting, but tears won't fall. You've shed your last one for him long ago. "Like any of it mattered."

"No one's pretending here, doll." He steps closer, his hands falling to his side, fingers rubbing at the seam of his jeans. "Of course, it mattered—all of it."

Your bag falls from your shoulder with a resounding thud, its weight matching your resolve as you push your hand against his chest. "I don't believe that for a second. If it mattered, you never could have done what you did."

"Done what?"

"Left me!" Your hand lands flat across your heart. "Without a goodbye, just some shitty mixtape full of songs that I can't listen to without my heart breaking over and over."

"You're right, okay." His voice rises to match your volume, his fingers closing around your biceps. "I was a fucking coward, and I ran. I couldn't see that look on your face again, the one you had when I told you I was leaving. I should’ve said goodbye, but I knew you'd try to convince me to stay, and that was never going to happen. I'm sorry I hurt you, but I can't be sorry I left."

"Hurt me?" You push his hands away, taking a step back to control the cracking in your voice. "You didn't just hurt me, Eddie. You destroyed me."

He swallows, looking away. "You were better off."

Fresh anger surges, along with the strong desire to escape – to leave this dead and buried, maybe for another decade until the hurt isn’t so strong. 

"See, that right there is why I'll never believe you," you snap, pointing an accusatory finger his way as you step around him, your hand closing around the doorknob. But at the last moment,  you turn, wanting him to hear it. At least once.

"I didn't quit Musicland. I got fired. I was a mess after you left. I cried for days, but I clung to this pathetic hope that you’d call to explain everything. To say it wasn't the end for us. You wouldn’t just throw me away, right? Not after everything we had been through together. I wouldn't leave my room, not even to eat. I was so afraid that the second I left, the phone would ring."

There's regret in his eyes as he steps forward, getting closer until he can touch you again, one hand gently gliding up your arm.

"But that call never came, did it, Eddie? Not one. And every day that passed, I died a little. But then I wasn't sad anymore. All those tears, they turned to hate," you say coldly, locking your gaze with his. "I hated you. I hated every song that came on the radio, reminding me of you. I hated Hawkins and everyone in it. But most of all, I hated myself for trusting you. For believing that you ever cared about me. That I wasn’t alone. That's what you did to me, Eddie.”

“You made me hate myself."

"I’m so sorry, doll," his words barely crest the silence as his gentle hand cradles your jaw. “There’s so much I want to explain to you.”

His touch is hot, but inside you, a coldness lingers–inside your stone. "You kissed me. And then you left me the next day. You knew how I felt." 

"I know. I know. I’m sorry." He steps closer, trying to pull your rigid form into his arms, lips brushing your temple. "You don’t even know how much. I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing. Trying to make it up to you. But you’re wrong. It all mattered. I did care. That kiss..it’s the reason…" He pulls back and looks into your eyes, "You knew me, you always did, but there were things I couldn’t tell you. Things I couldn’t admit even to myself. I was scared and angry all the time."

Your head shakes as you swallow hard. "You're not even real!" You shout in his face, your fingers clutching the doorknob behind you. Spinning, you tug hard, but his hand slams against the door above your head, keeping it shut. 

"Stop, doll," he pleads. “Let me explain,” but the push-pull intensifies. You're no match for his strength. "Stop it!" he yells. His hand pushes on your shoulder, turning you to face him. Anger flashes in his eyes, and his cheeks flush.

"I made you up.”

“No.”

“The boy I knew could never have done that. He could never have hurt me like that." Your shoulder jerks, breaking his hold as you attempt to turn away again.

His fingers wrap around the side of your neck, keeping you in place. "That boy could never have given you what you wanted. He wouldn’t have had the first clue how to handle you."

"Is that why you’re back?" You ask, still defiant even as his thumb presses into your throat, tipping your head to meet his gaze. "Dragging this all up again, ruining my life? Because you do?" 

"Damn right, I do." 

His words are a gravelly assertion, barely escaping before his mouth descends toward yours. For a heartbeat, the world pauses until your mouths finally meet — urgent and fierce. You part your lips eagerly, tongues finding their way together in a hungry and unapologetic dance. The firm pressure of his mouth moving in sync with yours is a spark, igniting a fire that seems to spread with each touch. The scent of clove and cedar leaves you lightheaded as the flames lick through your body. The scruff on his cheek is a rasp against your skin, a roughness contrasting with the smoothness of his kiss. He tastes like cinnamon and a hint of coffee. This kiss is filled with years of longing, swelling and crashing like an orchestra's finale.

Minutes slip away, yet your greedy mouths remain desperate. The room falls into a hushed stillness, save for the sharp intakes of breath and the sensuous wet slide of lips. The kisses seem endless, broken only by fleeting gasps for air, compelling you to pull each other closer, savoring every taste. Your fingers tangle in the soft waves at the nape of his neck, evoking a low, guttural groan that mingles with your shared breaths when you tug. His hands trace the curves of your body, touching every inch as they follow a path beyond your hips and ass, seizing the back of your thighs. With a firm grasp, he lifts you, pressing you against the unyielding door. You gasp as he positions you just how he wants — aligning himself hot and hard against your center. 

"Fuck," he growls against your lips as his hips roll, igniting fireworks through your body. Your eyes flutter shut, and a kaleidoscope of colors burst in the darkness.

He nips at the plush of your bottom lip, teeth grazing in a tender claim, a muted buzz begins in your bag—a sharp, insistent sting—that yanks you from the haze back into the real world. His eyes remain closed when you pull away. He leans closer, chasing your mouth, but the moment is already shattered. 

Your stomach plummets as the harsh reality sets in. His kiss now tastes like the ash of betrayal. The distressed whimper escaping your throat finally has him looking at you, shock written clearly across his features. Slowly, he releases you, your body sliding against his until your feet meet the floor. He takes a step back, hesitating, swallowing, "Doll —"

"No." You shake your head, your hands covering your mouth. The gold band on your fourth finger is a cool scorch against your swollen lips. "I have to go." You spring into motion, rushing to gather your bag.

"Stay, and we can talk about this," he implores, moving one hand to his hip while the other rakes through his hair. 

"Please don’t," you plead. "Don’t ask me for anything else." You swing the strap over your shoulder. "I just ch—" But the word stays stuck in your throat, as your eyes swim with tears.

His face falls, "It's not your fault, okay? I kissed you."

"Eddie—"

"You didn't do anything wrong. It was me," he insists, frustration in his voice as you scrub your face with your hands. "I don't want you driving when you're upset."

"I'm sorry," you say with an aching heart, pushing past him and closing the door behind you.

The sidewalk blurs under your feet as you race to your car. Fat raindrops splatter against the concrete like a spray of gunfire, each one a cold, wet slap against your skin. The sky chooses this moment to crack open, unleashing a torrent that feels personal. Your car comes into view, a bright orange ticket flapping under the wiper. Perfect. Just perfect.

With hands slick from the rain, you fumble with your keys before throwing yourself into the driver’s seat. Snatching the ticket from under the wiper as you go and crumpling it into your fist, stuffing it into the glovebox to be dealt with later. The downpour drums on the roof, enclosing you in a watery cocoon as you search through your bag for your phone. A missed call from Steve and a text reminding you about the dry cleaning. You spill the contents of your messenger onto the passenger seat, pens and lip gloss tumbling into the footwell. "Shit!" The word is a half-sob as you clutch the receipt marked with today's hours in unforgiving black ink.

Glancing at the clock on your dash, it hits you with the subtlety of a wrecking ball– six minutes until closing. It might as well be in another time zone, given the snarled rush hour traffic and the river that the streets have become.  Your car roars to life, and you pull out onto the roadway, tires hissing on wet asphalt, windshield wipers barely keeping up with the deluge. Your skin still sings with Eddie’s touch, but it's the burgeoning storm of words—cheater, adulterer, betrayer—mixed with the soft hazel of Steve’s disappointed eyes that tattoo themselves across your conscience. This is the unforgivable sin, and you can't undo it, but you'll be damned if you don't at least try.

You're double-parked now, hazards blinking a frantic rhythm. The 'CLOSED' sign on the dry cleaner's door mocks you as you rattle the unrelenting metal handle. "Please, please, please," you whisper, pounding on the uncaring glass, your unheard pleas bouncing off the empty shadows within. A car horn cuts through the rain —"What the fuck, lady?" The other driver yells, uncaring of your predicament.

"I'm moving, I'm moving!" The words are a rain-soaked shout as you slosh back to your car, drenched and defeated.

Another angry horn sounds off as you pull into traffic, carelessly cutting off a Yellow Cab in your haste. Rainwater drips from your hair, soaking your shirt. Even with the heater set to blast, it does little against the chill that has settled deep in your bones. Down the road, a bright blue sign glows like a beacon, and you jerk the steering wheel, the car fishtailing as you skid into the lot. 

The pharmacy's fluorescent lights are too bright and too sterile as you grab a small bottle of mouthwash off the shelf in the travel section and wait in line to pay, the store's generic electronic music grating against your already frayed nerves. Outside, you stand on the corner, swishing and spitting the minty liquid onto the sidewalk, repeating the process, trying to cleanse more than just your mouth. A passerby wrinkles their nose at you from under their umbrella. "This is Chicago! You've seen worse!" You snap, arms thrown up in exasperation while the rain and your regrets mingle on the cold pavement.

With pruney fingers, you pull the cardigan you had left at Stax off the back of your office chair. Shrugging it on, the material dampens from your wet t-shirt but offers a little warmth. Your phone buzzes as you settle at your desk — five missed calls from Eddie and four texts. The roar of the heavy rain and being buried deep in your bag had muffled its sound, not that you would have picked up. 

Eddie: Answer the phone, doll!

Eddie: Look, I need to know that you’re okay.

Eddie: I swear to Christ if you don’t pick up.

Eddie: Okay, have it your way. I’m driving to your place.

What? No! Your thumb presses the call button, and it rings twice before it connects. There’s no hello, just the slight hum of an engine and the rain pelting glass. 

“I’m okay,” you breathe into your phone, “I didn’t go home. I’m at my office.”

Your heart drums in your ears with each second of silence. Your eyes flutter shut, relief flooding you when he finally responds. An exhale loosens the tension in your chest.  His voice resonates in a dark rumble through the phone, "We need to talk."

“I….I know,” your voice wavers as you wipe your nose on the back of your hand. “I just need a minute here, Ed. Can you give me some time?” 

The rhythmic blink of the turn signal punctuates his heavy sigh. “Yeah. Alright. But doll,” he pauses as the sound of water splashing against his vehicle mingles with the whoosh of passing traffic, “You’re not running away from this. And trust me, the irony of that statement isn’t lost on me. Think about what I said, okay? I meant it all.”

With a tight throat, you whisper, "I have to go," and disconnect the call. 

Placing your phone on the desk, you dab the raindrops off your face with a tissue. The quiet of the office wraps around you, its half-dark corners and the soft glow from the monitors creates a place for you to breathe and be still. The raging storm and the ticking wall clock echoing in the solitude do little to distract you from thoughts you’re not ready to face. With a deep breath, you lift the lid of your laptop, seeking refuge in the normalcy of work as you coax the screen back to life.

The song erupts from the speaker on the edge of your desk, a jolt of sound shattering the silence like an accusation. You grab it with fumbling fingers, scrambling to press the off button. Covering your face with your hands, you let out a sound that is equal parts sob and hysterical laughter, wondering how you ended up in this situation. With your elbows pressed against the wooden top, you bury your face in your hands.

“What are you doing here, kid?” The gruff voice cuts through your misery.

"Jesus Christ, Hopper," you gasp, clutching at your chest, "You scared the hell out of me."

"Guess we're even since Mr. Brightside nearly sent me into cardiac arrest." Hopper towers over you, standing beside your desk with his hands buried in his pockets. 

“You listen to The Killers?” You ask, surprised while he drags a chair from the next desk, its wheels screeching faintly against the concrete floor.

“You kids really think Jim Croce is the only thing on my playlist?” A chuckle escapes him as he eases into the chair beside you, “Now, tell me what’s wrong.”

You muster a puzzled look, shaking your head in feigned denial.

“Don’t bullshit me, kid. I don’t have much time. I’m meeting Joyce for dinner at that Italian place on Taylor Street. Have I told you about it? I’ve been dreaming about the breadsticks. Enzo puts some spice on ‘em, I don’t know what it is, but it’s good. You dip it in olive oil,” he groans, “Forget about it. Those things knock your socks off, and I’m wavering on the main course between—”

“I need you to take me off the studio opening,” you interrupt, folding your arms across your chest.

“We’ve been over this. Unless you have some good reason–”

“Eddie kissed me,” the confession slips out, eyes widening in shock at your admission, hands flying to cover your mouth.

His brows rocket upwards, then draw together, his gaze sharpening, voice dipping into a low, protective timbre, “What do you mean he kissed you?” 

“No,” you clarify, squeezing your eyes shut and pressing an elbow against the desk, massaging your temple to soothe the forming headache. “I kissed him. We kissed. It was mutual.”

Hopper reclines, the chair creaking under his weight, his gaze level and unreadable. “I’m disappointed in you, kid. I never thought I’d be having a conversation like this with you.”

“I know. I know. Steve…” you trail off, eyes drifting to the photo of Steve on your desk. 

Hopper leans in, his hand cutting through the air. “I don’t give a fuck about Harrington,” each word gains in volume, “This is about you and everything you’ve worked for. It’s 2012. That kind of nonsense ends careers. Do you know what can happen if he complains?”

Your eyes roll. “He’s not going to complain, Hop.”

“You don’t know that,” he counters, his head shaking off your naivety. “These things like this have a way of coming out. That was an amateur move. Where is your professionalism? What were you thinking?”

“I’m sorry,” you mutter, lowering your eyes. “We have more of a history than I let on.”

“Well, stop the presses. I couldn’t have figured that one out.” His voice lowers in resignment, “Maybe this is my fault–”

“No–” 

Your protest is swift, but he plows right over you, “I’ve babied you. Maybe it’s because you’re my favorite or because you were just a kid when you started. I let you get away with too much over the years because you’re a damn good writer. But that stops now, I’m going to treat you like all the rest of the idiots in this place.” His hand waves around the room before pointing right at you. “You’re going back to that studio, and you’re going to keep your dick in your pants and get those interviews done. If you want to play kissy face, you do it on your own time. You got me?”

Your mouth drops open, disbelief palpable. “You're still going to make me finish?”

“Damm, right I am,” Hopper affirms, not missing a beat. "If I hand your work off, it raises questions. Big, messy questions. What do I tell downtown when they ask why the piece was reassigned? Unless you’re ready to come clean to Harrington?” 

Your lip goes between your teeth as your head shakes.

“I thought so.” Hopper leans back in his chair, his gaze fixed on the ceiling. "This could be both our necks," he mutters, concern filling his voice.

Your head shakes, but your determination is clear. "It won't."

“It better not. I don’t want to hear another word about it until that last story is on my desk. Are we clear?”

Your jaw clenches, the reality of the situation hitting hard. "Crystal."

Hopper's gaze remains fixed on you, ensuring his point has been made. "Good," he says, his voice softening, "Now go on, get out of here. Deal with whatever mess you've got going on. Just make sure it's sorted by Monday."

Your key slides into the lock and you turn it slowly, the tumblers falling into place with a series of soft clicks. You pause, leaning your forehead against the chill of the metal door, grappling with a rising queasiness that sours your stomach. 

A wave of home's warmth engulfs you, mingled with the earthy aroma of herbs and roasting potatoes. The vibrant strains of Queen accompany Steve's honeyed tones floating down the hall from the kitchen.

"Welcome home, ace. I was beginning to wonder where you were," his voice, laced with a touch of concern, greets you, “Busy day? Did you write me a Pulitzer?”

Your messenger bag slides from your shoulder, giving into gravity with a loud smack against the hardwood.

His voice grows nearer, warmer as he moves down the hall, the floor lightly creaking with each footfall. “I swung by the Athenian Room, grabbed us Chicken Kalamata, and I have a bottle of Chardonnay breathing.”

Your favorite. Your heart sinks further, receding behind your ribcage, unworthy of his care or devotion.

He stops short when he rounds the corner into the foyer, taking you in, his eyes reflecting your disheveled state. 

"I didn’t get the dry cleaning," you admit, struggling to keep your voice steady. "I was... too late."

For a heartbeat, he's silent, but his eyes remain tender. “Hey, that's alright, ace. I'll just skip the gym in the morning and swing by the cleaners before work. Are you okay?”

Traces of the day find a path down your cheeks as you sniffle and draw the cardigan tighter around yourself. "I got caught in the storm." 

“Did you forget your coat?” He draws closer as you give a small nod. His hands slide up your biceps, continuing on to wrap around you. “You're frozen.” He uses his thumb to lift your chin. “How about a hot shower, yeah? I'll keep dinner warm. You'll feel better after you eat.” His mouth begins to near yours, but you turn your face away. 

"I think I'm coming down with something," you manage, your lies teetering atop your mounting guilt. "My throat is sore."

Concern etches his features, his brows knitting together as he adjusts, pressing his lips to your forehead. “You don't feel hot.”

Pulling away, you bury your face into his shoulder. "I think I'll just shower and go to bed." 

“If that's what you want,” he presses a kiss to the crown of your head, though his tone is threaded with disappointment. “Go on up. I'll bring you some water and a couple of Tylenol.”

“Thanks, Steve,” you step away with a weight in your chest. “I'm really sorry.” 

“Don't worry about it.” He waves off your apology, his smile faint but sincere. His arms fold over his chest as he turns back toward the kitchen. 

As you climb the stairs, the music snaps off, replaced with the distant roar of a sports game, the announcers' voices carrying up the stairwell. 

The embrace of the hot shower strips away the cold clinging to your skin, but it cannot wash away the regret. Sliding down the tiles, you draw your knees close while your tears fall, mixing with the stream of water spiraling towards the drain. 

Your life is a song made up of the choices you've made, each one a different note that sounded so sure at the time, but now the harmony seems slightly off-key. The steam rises around you like a specter. It's the quiet between the chords. And you're there, just listening, trying to figure out if there's a note you'd change or if every single one was necessary. As you nestle into bed, sleep tugging like an insistent tide amidst the drift into dreams, one truth resonates clear– the music plays on.

Song 5 coming this week! Follow @tornupdates for notifications

Thanks for indulging me with this new version. I wanted to get it right. This next chapter is going to be Steve's launch party and will explore the fallout from that kiss. I love each and every one of you and I hope Torn!Eddie makes an appearance in your sweetest of dreams. -Jelly

#steve harrington #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #stranger things #eddie munson smut #steve harrington x reader #eddie munson fanfic #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington smut #stranger things fanfic #torn series

[prettygirlstothefloor]

a messy review of TTPD

okay i need to preface this that i have the credentials to be able to speak my mind on her. i've been a fan since 2006. i've been a fan since i was 11 so don't get your panties in a bunch.

i think this album is messy. the production is the only thing i can really praise about it. the lead up to it and now the full release has just been so unbelievably messy. i'm going to make a continue reading for the people who still have yet to listen where i won't spoil it for you. PS. i do get mean in this. so if you're not wanting to hear critiques and criticism and taking that in, please scroll.

EDIT: this was pre-anthology release. so this is just based on the original 16 song release.

SPOILERS AHEAD

i am fully aware she is allowed to go through the grieving process of her breakup with joe. i respect that whole heartedly. i completely understand having someone in your life for such a big chunk and for them to be gone and feeling lost and alone and angry. what i don't like at all is essentially telling us in this album that she couldn't handle joe having severe depression. obviously i don't know everything that went down but it seems as though he didn't want to get married until he felt mentally better. and as someone who is also in the same boat as him, i also wouldn't want to fully commit to marriage until i felt like i could give them 100%. and if that's his biggest crime, being too depressed, then that's a her problem. being depressed is not all "haha relatable".

now onto... that man... i did not expect 90% of this album to be about him. i've only hated two people in my life. one being a family member of mine. the other, him (i will not be saying his name because he does not deserve it). the way she spent so much of this album talking about how she will defend him with her life. girl i am begging you to get up off the ground. it felt like a backstab from her in "but daddy, i love him" where she's basically saying fuck everyone for ruining a relationship i wanted. the reason no one wanted her with him is because he's a racist, misogynistic, homophobic asshole. i am aware he supports queer rights but it seems like he only cares about queer rights and the safety of queer people when it involves white queer people (ie. what happened in dubai and malaysia). i'm almost confident she cheated on joe with him while her and joe were still together. i'm sorry to taylor that i care about BIPOC and queer people's rights than making a racist white man happy.

joe truly got the short end of the stick here. he has been treated so horribly this past year by swifties who made up rumors about him just to make taylor seem like the good guy and the only thing this album told me was she was the villain in all of this. i hope joe has a good support system around him and i hope he's able to get any mental health help he needs. i do also think that taylor desperately needs a therapist as well. she is very adament about not having one and just using her mom and her friends but she needs an outside source to really listen and give her advice that isn't "yes man"-ing her all day long.

anyways, like i said at the beginning of this post, i enjoyed the production. my favorite songs were fortnight and who's afraid of little old me. it's gonna take time for me to enjoy this album outside of its messiness. i did enjoy midnights btw. so it's definitely not the sound i don't like it's just everything surrounding it.

70/100

#taylor swift #tay #ttpd leak #ttpd #the tortured poets department #ts11

[justmeinadaze]

Saying Sorry (Steve X You)

A/N: My valentines gift to you. I've been thinking it's been awhile since I've created a series with just Steve and for some reason I'm crushing on season one King Steve so alas...I bare you this. I definitely have an idea of where I want this to go and I hope y'all like it so we can go through it together :)

The title and the idea came from a song I was listening to. Like I said I've been listening to my emo music more so lol

Warnings: Smut for sure. The reader does get assaulted but its very brief ( she is smacked) and Steve swoops in to save the day. These two are childhood friends who grow apart. The reader has rumors being spread about her (calling her a slut and cheap) .

Word Count: 4710

You and Steve had known each other since you were kids growing up in Hawkins. The first time you met him was in kindergarten on the playground. He was extremely shy, sitting by himself in a nook within the jungle gym.

“Why are you hiding?” He jumps at the sound of your voice. 

“I’m not hiding! I just… I don’t know anyone yet.”

“Okaaaay. How are you going to meet anyone though if you don’t talk to people?”

“Well, I’m meeting you.”

When you smile at him, he returns it with a little one of his own as you sit down beside him. 

“I’m Y/N.”

“Steve.”

He was incredibly sweet and kind. On valentine’s day he brought you a card that he had made with your favorite candy tapped inside. During nap time, he would lay beside you and the teacher would always end up separating you two because you couldn’t stop giggling. On your birthday, you invited him to your house for a sleep over. Your mom was surprised when he showed up alone without his parents. 

“Steve, honey, where’s your mom or dad? I was hoping to meet them and introduce myself.”

“Um, my dad is at a meeting and…I don’t know where my mom is. She left before I did.”

Your mom looks at him with concern before she sighs.

That night you two created a little fort out of blankets in your room and curled up underneath it in sperate sleeping bags. 

“Is it normal for you to be alone at home?”, you ask turning to lay on your side to face him. 

“Yeah. Usually there’s a nanny or housekeeper that looks after me but after they leave sometimes my mom and dad leave to.”

“Is it lonely?” Steve doesn’t respond instead turning his eyes to the floor. “Well…you can come over here anytime you want!”

He grins at you and you can’t help but giggle.

“Kids, go to bed! It’s after midnight!” You both laugh as your dad shouts from down the hall.

As you two grew up, you started growing closer with him becoming your best friend and you his. In middle school, your bodies started changing and Steve seemed a bit more focused on his appearance.

“How’s my hair? Does it look good?”

“Steve! Calm down.”, you laugh at him. “Your hair looks perfect as always. Don’t be so nervous!”

“How can you be so relaxed? Aren’t you nervous?”

You and Steve were going on a double date with some of the other kids from school. He had a huge crush on a girl from his English class but was so scared of messing things up. You offered to go with him with one of the guys who had been flirting with you to ease his mind.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I don’t really like Travis all that much. I mean I like him but not like…you know?”

He softly smiles as he continues to run his fingers through his hair. “Not one bit.”

You gently reach for his hand and smooth the mess he made on top of his head. “Steve, you have no reason to be nervous. You are a great guy and if Jennifer doesn’t realize that well then fuck her.”

He cackles at your curse as he pulls you into a hug. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

After the date that night, you noticed a change in him. It was very small but noticeable to you especially when he called you up after your mom dropped him off back at his house. 

“See? I told you there was nothing to worry about!”

“Yeah, it was weird though. I’ve never actually kissed a girl before.”

“Did you like it?”

“I did.” You heard his smile through the phone. “She said something before that didn’t make sense. She said that you and I shouldn’t be friends.”

“What?! Why?”

“She said you’re a bit of a…a dork.” He panicked at your silence. “Which is stupid because, obviously, you aren’t and even if you were you know I don’t care about that kind of thing. I love you and you’re my best friend.”

“What did you say when she said that?”

“I didn’t get a chance to say anything because she kissed me.”

“I should kick her ass.”

He laughs, breathing a sigh of relief at your sarcastic tone. “No! No ass beating. Like you said…fuck her, right?”

As soon as you became freshman, that’s when the drastic changes happened. He stopped coming over to your house and hanging out with you at school. You used to sit together at lunch but you found yourself eating alone while he sat on the opposite end of the cafeteria with the popular kids. 

You called his house and either no one picked up or his mom said he wasn’t home.

“I’m sorry, Leslie. He isn’t here.”, his dad’s gruff tone hits your ears. 

“It’s Y/N and do you know where he is?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. No, I don’t. I think he went out with some girl from the cheerleading squad. Look, I really have to go. Can I take a message?”

You hung up the phone in frustration. 

Your final straw was when he didn’t show up for your birthday. You and Steve had spent every year together on that day. Your parents would get a cake, order food, and you guys would stay up watching movies till you fell asleep. It had been weeks since you heard from him but you thought at least he would be here for this.

You pound on his door with your fist for what feels like forever until he finally answers. His hair is disheveled and his lips are stained with a nice shade of red lipstick. 

“Y/N. Hey. I’m a bit preoccupied at the moment—”

“Where were you?!”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Steve, do you know what today is?”

He steps forward, quietly closing the front door behind him. “Y/N, I really can’t do this right now. Can we talk about this later—”

“WHEN?! When can we talk about it? You’re never home and you don’t answer my calls. I never see you at school and we don’t hang out anymore. When should we talk?!”

“I’m not going to apologize for being busy with school and living my life. I’m sorry we don’t spend as much time together but I made some new friends. It’s not just me and you anymore.”

“You’re such a fucking asshole. You really think these ‘friends’ give a damn about you? All they care about is your money and good looks!”

“You’re just jealous because I’m hanging out with the popular group and you’re not! You’re just a fucking poor, pathetic dork who has no friends other than me!”

Steve watched through your eyes as your heart broke. “Wow. Thank you for showing me who Steve Harrington really is. Happy Birthday to me, I guess.”

His eyes closed as he came to the realization of what today was. “Y/N, shit, I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean…I—”

“No. Don’t worry about it, Harrington. It’s all good.”

###############

It had been two years since then and you were both juniors now. Steve had steadily rose to the king of Hawkins high, becoming a jock and making all the ladies swoon. You flew under the radar as best you could with a 4.0 GPA and a style that everyone compared to Joan Jett. You both had basically become night and day. 

He heard rumors about you but did nothing to dispel them. 

“Does she think she’s cool wearing those ratty, torn up clothes and boots? Please. Probably hiding the fact that her family can barely afford to keep their house let alone some new clothes.”

“I heard she fucks boys under the bleachers if they give her $20 bucks. She’s cheap!”

“Oh my god. That’s most likely why she has all those As!”

The rumors you heard about him were a bit more factual and kept you up to date on what was going on in his life. 

“Steve is taking out Tammie tonight. Five bucks he takes her to lover’s lake!”

“I heard he’s failing physics but the teacher passes him anyway so he can play basketball. Lucky bastard.”

“Steve Harrington is throwing a party at his house. His dad just made a killer deal so he’s flying his mom to Hawaii to celebrate. Empty house with a ton of booze!”

You did everything you could to avoid interactions with him and with your different social circles that wasn’t hard but some days you were thrown a curve ball. This morning happened to be one of those days. As you walked to your locker, you heard a loud crash next to you as Tommy leaned against them. 

“Hey Y/N. How are you this beautiful morning?”

“I was having a great morning until you opened you mouth.”, you threw him a fake smile as you slammed your locker closed. 

“Well, that’s not very nice.” His girlfriend Carol blocked your path to keep you from leaving. “Someone not have their morning coffee? Probably time to find some new clients to fuck so you can afford that.”

“Oh, they’ve escalated to clients now. The rumor mill continues to be amusing. Now, get out of my way.”

“Ah ah. We just wanted to talk to you and see how you were. This is no way to treat your friends.”

“You are not and will never be my friends.”, you glare at them.

“What’s going on?” Steve sauntered slowly up to his friends, his face contorting slightly when he sees you. “Tommy. Carol. Come on. We’re going to be late for class.”

“Better run along and do what your king says.”, you sneer at them.

He stops, slowly turning around as he snickers. “You know what? Maybe we should stay. I heard you guys when I came up. She definitely needs to be nice to you. It’s not like she has any other friends.”

“Kind of like a kid I used to know back in elementary school.” They all laugh, making faces like you said the stupidest thing they had ever heard…but not Steve. His breathing staggered at the memory of you befriending him when he had no one. “Leave me alone.”

He sighed, gripping Tommy’s arm and pushing him down the hallway. 

##############

“Hey. You okay? I heard Steve Harrington tried to put you in your place today.”

You did actually have friends; they were just invisible to the popular kids. Carrie had become one of your closest but you could never bring yourself to tell her about your past with the boy in question. Honestly, it just hurt too much. 

“I swear to God I hate this school.”, you mumble. “Yes, I’m okay and no he didn’t. Like he even could.”

She chuckles as she throws herself in the chair next to yours at your lunch table. “He’s having a party tonight. We should crash it.”

“That…is the worst idea you have ever had.”, you smile at her.

“Oh, come on! We’ve never gone to one and it’s not like we’ll see him. He’ll be too busy grinding on some cheerleader.”

“See, I don’t understand how that’s common knowledge but I’m the whore!”

She grins as she pulls you to her shoulder and rests her head on yours. “You are not a whore. You are beautiful, perfect, and one of my closest friends. Also, I heard that Andrew will be there.”

You both giggle, sitting like that together until you give in and finally agree. 

########

It had been so long since you had been in Steve’s house. Not a whole lot had changed except for a few more expensive items you didn’t remember being there before. The bass was beating through the entire home as everyone danced and drank. 

“Carrie, I think we made a mistake!”

“It’s party, Y/N! Have a drink and dance! I’ll be right back!” With that, she was gone. A heavy exhale escaped your lips as you went outside to find some peace and quiet. You grinned when you noticed the pool in the backyard, remembering the summers you and Steve spent in there. 

“Steve! I can’t swim. I’m scared.” Your little voice shook as you stood on the steps in the water. 

He effortlessly glides towards you before standing up and taking both your hands in his. “You have no reason to be afraid, Y/N. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you.” He chuckles as you wrap your arms around his waist.

“Hey! It’s ok. Do you trust me?”

You look up into his big brown eyes as his smile shines confidently down at you.

“Of course.”

“Hey, Y/N! Carrie said you were around here somewhere.” Andrew grins as he comes up beside you. 

“Did she? Because I have completely lost her.” 

He laughs at your sass. “She said you were funny.”

“Hey Andrew.” Steve’s voice comes up from behind you. 

“Sup, Harrington. Pretty good party you got going on here.” The boy grins as he takes a sip from the cup in his hand.

“Thanks, hey, do you mind if I talk with Y/N really quick?”

You were startled by his question. Wasn’t he just an asshole to you this morning? Is he going to be snarky again because you showed up to his house unannounced? Andrew nodded and backed away so you two could talk.

“Look, I know you fucking hate me but—”

“I don’t hate you. I would have to care to do that.”

Steve rolls his eyes as he sighs. “Yeah, okay, whatever. You’re a badass. Good for you. Now, listen to me. You need to stay away from him.”

“From Andrew? Why?”

“He has a reputation for being…rough.”

“Oh, good. Well, I have a reputation for being a slut so we’ll get along nicely.”

His eyes narrow down at your snarky tone. “Whether you are or not, doesn’t fucking matter to me. I don’t know you anymore but I know him. Trust me.”

“You’re right. You don’t know me anymore and I definitely don’t fucking trust you. You have no right to pretend like you care about me or my well-being, your highness!”

“Fine! Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

You scoff at him as you turn and grab Andrew’s arm, leading him inside the house.

###################

You and Andrew found a corner in the living room that was quiet enough for you two to talk. Honestly, after a few minutes, you found yourself bored and zoning out. All he wanted to talk about was the baseball team and their stats. 

“Wow, Andrew, as fascinating as this is, I have to go find Carrie now and head home.”

“What? No.”, he whines and you cringe at the sight.

“Yes, unfortunately, it is late so…”

Abruptly, his hand wraps around your bicep as you start to stand and he pulls you back down towards the sofa you had been sitting on. 

“Come on, Y/N. Let’s not play games here. You don’t have to go home yet. I think you just don’t care about this kind of foreplay.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You know, the whole get to know you thing. I can respect that.” His body starts to press against you, leaning you back against the cushions.

“Andrew, no.” You try to push him with your palm but he swats it away. 

“You don’t have to pretend with me. I know what you’re into. I can even pay you double whatever you normally charge.” Andrew’s lips find their way to your neck and with all the strength you can muster, you lift your leg and kick him in the groin.

He howls in pain as you push him off of you. “You’re disgusting!”

As you start to run away from him, he chases after you, grabbing your arm again to turn you around and slap you hard across the face.

Suddenly forceful hands are pulling his off of you and pushing Andrew backwards. 

“Get out of my house.” Steve’s voice bellows well over the music causing some heads to turn towards him. 

“That bitch started it!”

“And I’m finishing it. Now if I have to say it again it won’t be nicely. Get. Out.”

Andrew grumbles something under his breath as he stomps out the front door. Steve grabs your hand, pulling you up the stairs, and into his closed off bedroom. As soon as the door shuts, his hands cup your cheeks as he looks over your face. 

“Are you okay?” You were still in a state of shock as your eyes scanned around his room. “Focus, Y/N! Look at me. Are you okay?”

You broke as your head fell into his chest and you cried. He stumbled back at first, completely thrown off guard before his arms slowly wrapped around you, holding you to him. Steve closed his eyes and sighed when he felt your hands shaking against his back. 

“Everything’s okay. He’s gone. You’re safe here.”, he whispers.

“Am I?” Something ignites inside of you as you push him away from you. “You don’t give a damn about me, Harrington and don’t pretend like you do just because you played hero!”

“Hey, I warned you he was an asshole! But no, still as fucking stubborn as ever. You’re lucky I was in the house!”

“Fuck you! I could have handled it!”

“I can’t believe this. You’re actually upset with me right now for helping you!”

“No, I’m upset because I’m in this fucking house talking to you!” 

As he prepares to fire back, your chin falls to your chest. Your shoulders shake as you cry again.

Steve hates seeing you like this and it makes him feel even more protective. 

“Do you…do you want me to find your friend so she can take you home?”

You wipe your eyes before meeting his. “No, I’ll just, um, walk. It’s not a big deal.”

“Y/N, please, at least let me drive you.”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want you to leave your guests.” You fly past him to open the door. “Thank you for what you did. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

##############

“Steve! Oh my god!” Your mom excitedly wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. “It’s been so long. How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Thank you for asking.”, he grins. “Is Y/N here?”

“Yes, she is. Maybe you can help make her feel better. She been upstairs in her room all day. I’m about to go meet her dad at that little get together thing they are doing downtown. We invited her but”, she shrugs. 

Steve holds the front door open for her as she leaves before heading up to your room. It’s only been two years but it still amazes him how your house looks the same. When he knocks on the door, your voice echoes through from the other side. 

“Mom, I said I’m fine! Oh…” You pause when you see him in your doorway. 

“Your mom let me in. I, um, came over to check on you after what happened.”

“Well, Harrington, thank you but like I said, I’m fine.”

“Please, Y/N. Don’t be so difficult. I’m trying here.”

You smile sarcastically as you turn towards him. “I’m sorry, sire. What’s difficult for you? The fact that you haven’t spoken to me in over two years or pretending like you care how I’m feeling?”

“First of all, YOU stopped speaking to ME.”

“Oh please! I lost you even before freshman year. Your only concern was that everyone liked you and thought you were cool!”

“Apparently so was yours! Don’t give me that look. I hear what people say. About how you open your legs for any man at the right price!”

“You’re still such a fucking asshole!”

“If I’m such an asshole than why did I pull Andrew off of you? Why did I follow you around that fucking party making sure you were okay because your stubborn ass didn’t want to heed my warning!? Why am I here right now?!”

“You followed me around?”

“Yes.”, he sighed as he placed his hands on his hips. “I know we don’t talk anymore but that doesn’t mean I want anything bad to happen to you.”

“Unless it’s your doing?” He looks at you completely confused. “Steve… you were the worst thing to ever happen to me. No one has ever hurt me the way you did. Even before that you were slowly slipping away and there was nothing I could do. I miss the kid I grew up with. I don’t know who the fuck you are now.”

“Y/N…I”, he pauses as he tries to gather his thoughts. “I’m not the same shy, weird kid you met in the jungle gym in kindergarten. I have a life and more friends, things like that. I changed. It happens.”

“Welp, thank you for that rousing speech.”

“I swear to fucking God!”, he growls as he walks over to you till his face is close to yours. “You’re so—”

“Fucking stubborn. I know! Now get out of my house and leave me alone!”

“Make me.” Steve’s tone was low, revibrating through his chest. 

It had been so long since you had seen him especially this close to you. You took note of the light stubble that dusted along his jawline and above his lip. His lips themselves had plumped out a bit more since middle school and his eyes had aged in the way a mans would when they leave adolescence. Growing up, you two had been relatively the same height but right now he towered significantly above you. He was right; he definitely wasn’t the same kid you had met. 

While you were studying him, he was also scanning over you. Your eyes were angry but he could still see the kindness within them that befriend him. You smelled like you had just recently took a shower as the strong floral scent filled his nostrils. Your lips were fuller even now as they pouted out. He would give anything to see you smile again. 

Steve’s hand shot out, gripping the back of your neck to bring your mouth to his. It was light at first, both your lips just pressed together but as he started to pull away you quickly grabbed his face with your hands tugging him back to you. 

Passion took over reason as he walked you towards your bed. As soon as the back of your knees hit the mattress, you pause to lift up his shirt before tugging away at your own. Steve’s lips trail down your cheek to your neck as he fumbles with his belt. 

You rapidly remove your pants as his own fall to the floor with a loud clank. He picks you up, holding you by your thighs as he carefully places you down on the mattress. 

After removing his boxers, he reaches for your panties, violently pulling them down your legs and tossing them to the floor. 

“Steve, Steve. Hang on.”, you pant. He doesn’t acknowledge you, grinding his hips with yours. You moan when you feel his cock rub against your pussy lips. 

“Steve. I just want…need you to know. Those rumors aren’t true. I’ve only been with one other person.”

His eyes lock with yours as he spits in his hand and rubs it into your cunt making you moan. He grips his length and watches your face as he guides it into your entrance. Steve doesn’t give you much time to adjust to him as he pushes deeper into you before pulling out and pressing into you again. 

“Fuck. Oh my god.”, you whimpered at the feeling.

“Jesus fucking Christ”, he whispers as his head falls back into the nook of your neck. “You’re so fucking tight.”

He thrusts into you at a steady pace as you pressed him closer to you. You knew you missed him but feeling him against you like this fully reminded you how much. All the memories you two had shared came flooding back and it broke your heart all over again. You needed to push those memories as far away as you could. They hurt too much. 

“Harder, Steve. Please.”

Again, there was no acknowledgement from him besides him doing as you asked. You fingers clung to his hair as he sucked on your neck. The sound of skin slapping together filled the room and you craned your neck to the side to find his lips.

Steve obliged and you mewled at the taste of him. When your hands reached up to hold his shoulders, he pulled away, staring down at you as he felt your pussy tighten around him. He thought to himself how beautiful you were underneath him like this. He really did miss you but… what would the other kids say? When his dad was being a dick he used to run to you but now with his status he had more friends and vices he can utilize to numb that pain. 

In his house he was nothing but in school he was a king. People practically worshipped him. So what, he had to pretend to like things he didn’t or act like an asshole at times to get what he needed. They were his family now. 

“Why are you hiding?”

“I’m not hiding!”

“I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Steve pushed back memories of his own as his rhythm picked up, thrusting into you till you came moaning his name repeatedly. His cheek pressed against yours as he chased his own release. The sound of him grunting filled your ears until he hastily pulled out, pumping his cock over your stomach until ropes of his seed landed on your skin.

His forehead fell on yours as his arm came back up on his side to steady himself. You both panted into each other’s face, trying to catch your breath. 

“Steve. Look at me.”, you whispered. His brown eyes found your own and he let out a pleasurable sigh when your hand caressed his cheek. “Don’t go. Not yet.”

He silently nodded, reaching towards your bedside table to grab a tissue before cleaning your tummy and tossing it into the wastebin. Steve rolled onto his back, staring up at your ceiling. 

“Y/N?”, his small hands knock on your door as he pushes it open. “You weren’t in class today and Mrs. Link said you were sick. I wanted to make sure you were ok.”

Your back was to him as you lay quietly in your bed. He shuffles around to the opposite side as you bury your face in your pillow. 

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Steve kicks off his sneakers and lays down beside you. As he pushes your shoulder back, he notices the tears that were streaming down your face.

“Tommy told all the sixth graders that I’m ugly trash.”

His nostrils flared in anger. “I’m going to kick his ass next time I see him!” He suddenly panics as you start to cry again. “Y/N, you aren’t trash and you’re not ugly. I think you’re…you’re one of the prettiest girls I have ever met.”

Steve breathes a sigh of relief when he sees you laugh. “Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.”

“I mean it! You’re pretty like the girl in that space movie we saw at the theater. With the…” He makes twisting motions on the side of his head near his hair.”

“Leia?”, you giggle.

“Yeah! Princess Leia.” He smiles as you start to brighten up. 

“Thank you for coming over to check on me.”

“Of course. You’re my best friend.”

Steve turned his head to look at you and noticed your back was facing him. Your breathing was steady so he figured you had fallen asleep. As he picked up the covers to get out of bed and grab his clothes, something possessed him to change his mind. Instead of pulling them off, he tugged the sheets further over his waist as he slid his body closer to you. His arm wrapped around yours as he tenderly kissed your shoulder, falling asleep beside you.

#steve harrington #steve stranger things #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington smut #steve x y/n #joe keery #joe keery smut #joe keery fluff #joe keery fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #fan fiction #friends to lovers #Spotify

[pricechecktranslations]

去り人達のワルツ：悪ノ大罪 SEKAI Edition　-Album-

Waltz of the Deceased: The Deadly Sins of Evil, SEKAI Edition album booklet content

Opening

Format...

.

At the death of the sinful world, the people's souls decided to leave this land behind.

Once they passed through the enormous gate, they would lose all of their memories in exchange for a new life.

"The memories of those who are reborn will be reformatted"

That was a rule of this world.

.

If...

.

What if, for example, the Daughter of Evil hadn't been a princess?

What if it had been her burdened with a curse, instead of her father?

All people had possibilities like that.

The Evil Food Eater resolved to set out on a new journey to learn them all.

.

But she still didn't yet know.

That her soul, just like her body, wasn't something that would last forever.

.

Repeat...

.

If only I could do it over again.

Someone, no, everyone has thought that at least once.

She couldn't just give up on this world.

If she could just return back to the outset, maybe it would turn out better this time.

With those thoughts in her mind, perhaps the Sleep Princess loved this world more than anyone.

.

Each time she repeated, it would scrape away at her soul,

Guiding her to yet further madness.

.

End...

.

Punishment was handed down.

And so in that case, accepting that punishment was in itself another answer.

"Are you not going?"

At the tailor's question, the mud king laughed and replied:

"Kids tend to dislike having their parents looking in on their room."

The judge listening in next to him nodded in understanding, and returned a smile.

.

We are all free.

No matter what world we choose.

There is no distinction between good and evil there.

.

But we can be sure that we lived here on this land.

Even if we forget about it, that fact can never be erased.

.

For those who will set out on their journey.

Before they lose their memories.

Let's throw them a final dinner party at least.

.

Come, let's dance

This Waltz of the Deceased.

.

[Blurb after Waltz of the Deceased and before Rilia-renee]

He heard tell that he'd had an impostor,

Who had shown up and just gone around doing whatever he liked.

.

The great merchant was a bit sullen on finding this out,

And so his beloved daughter, eager to cheer him up, had made this suggestion:

.

"Have you thought about holding an entertainment banquet?"

.

Certainly, that was one of the great merchants' specialties.

Yes, perhaps this place...could use a song.

He would need someone to sing to set the stage for a ball.

.

The great merchant reached out to his favorite diva,

But she quietly shook her head.

.

"I've already finished my final song. You should ask someone else."

.

But could there possibly be another diva better than her out there?

After asking around, the great merchant finally arrived at a certain girl.

.

He'd heard that she'd been a diva of great renown in the Republic of Lucifenia,

Around the beginning of Evillious' sixth century.

.

A little doubtful, the great merchant spoke up to this girl

Whose appearance was far plainer than rumor would suggest.

.

"Do you think you could sing a little for me?"

.

A few seconds after hearing her voice as she timidly broke into song,

The great merchant decided to hire her for the job.

[Blurb after Rilia-renee and before Outlaw and Marionette]

This world still had several problems left in it to worry about,

And those had needed to be addressed before the banquet.

.

There were those who tried to continue fighting after they had died.

They were the living dead who wandered the wasteland.

Thanks to the actions of those who had worked under the mud king's orders,

This saw a decisive resolution.

But at the same time, it revealed a new cause for concern.

.

The king made of mud called out to the witch who had once been his subordinate.

Her form had by then completely changed from the one that he knew,

But that particular discussion wasn't what he wanted to ask her about then.

"Just what in the world is this 'Punishment'?"

That was what he asked her.

"...A 'doll'. Just like you and I."

The mud king had been created by a black bird.

The Clockworker's Doll had been created by a red cat.

And the boy of Punishment had been created by...

"The root of all malice"

.

But a doll doesn't necessarily have to move according to the intentions of their creator.

Just as had been the case with the king made of mud and the Clockworker's Doll.

The boy of Punishment had begun to move by his own will...and left this world behind.

"Amostia...That was that boy's name,"

That was what the witch told him, moon-eyed.

"There's nothing we can do about it now.

I have no idea where he or her have gone off to."

.

Would the boy of Punishment bring yet another world to destruction?

Or perhaps...

#()evillious chronicles #()mothy #()booklets #the new song might take a minute but the album booklet is done at least

[soya-ix]

The last great Seregian dynasty

A rewrite of Taylor Swift's "the last great american dynasty"

Hisame rode up to the renowned knight base

It was rainy

The stone cold walls and the crowd took his mind off House Lugis

She was the heir to the Seiran Clan name

And money

And the town said "how did a second born like himself dare it?"

The rumors were passed on for a month or so

The duel he lost, everybody knows

He picked out a sword and made 'em shut up their mouths

The practice was simple, if a little dull

The Captain promoted him to help around

It must be all his fault they're suffering now

And they said

There goes the last great Seregian dynasty

Who knows if he never showed up what could've been

There goes the maddest Vice Cap this town has ever seen

He had a marvelous time ruining everything

Hisame gave up on the marrying scheme, forever

Pissing off the royal guards sent from the Palace

Shot the words with irony

And known as sarcastic

And breezed through the duels

With the boys on the sword game

And losing no single bet with the Prince

And they said

There goes the last great Seregian dynasty

Who knows if he never showed up what could've been

There goes the most shameless male knight this town has ever seen

He had a marvelous time ruining everything

They said

He was seen on occasion

Pacing the walls

Staring out at the Wistal gang

And in a feud with an idiot

He poured a drink after calling the coward names

Slowly all the years passed by

Sereg Vice Captain sat by the stone cold bricks

Free of his obsessiveness

The triplet and marriage

But then he's down on one knee

Who knows if she never said yes what could've been

There goes the proudest Seiran this town has ever seen

I have a marvelous time ruining everything

I have a marvelous time ruining everything

A marvelous time ruining everything

A marvelous time

I have a marvelous time

————————————————————

"The last great american dynasty" has been my favorite Taylor Swift storytelling for a while. I'm amazed by this "country music narrative device" where "This guy did this, then this woman did this. Then they met. And their kid was me!"

I've listened to this song a million times but it was not until recently that the image of the protagonist "pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea" suddenly coincided with Hisame in my head. Come to think of it, they may indeed share similarities. And I've been wondering what his days at Sereg would be like. So I rewrote the story.

#akagami no shirayukihime #snow white with the red hair #hisakiki #hisame lugis #kiki seiran #ans

[embersofhope-if]

hii!!! i’m going to watch the new hunger games with my boyfriend on the 17th cause my birthday is on the 16th, and i was wondering about your opinion on it??

personally, i’ve never read the books beside the ones based on katniss, but i see a lot of people hating on the choice of the actress for the lucy gray.

i think people are dramatizing everything about her and the snowwhite being single “issue”, yes it’s a little weird to basically say a woman has to be single to be independent, but you can tell her hearts in the right place, so why does everybody hate her???

and say what you want about her, but the girl can SING. like it’s actually crazy how pretty her voice is.

i really like the parallel of katniss singing to lucy’s singing, and the difference of two in general. i’ve seen this one quote that’s like “a hunter in a performance” regarding katniss and “a performer in a hunt” regarding lucy, and i love it so much?

i also love the new song from olivia rodrigo, it reminds me of rue (my sweet baby girl ☹️ i think of you everyday #theogmockingjay)

i feel my hunger games phase returning tenfold and i might cave in and buy the rest of the books and speedrun it before the movie tbh LMAO

sorry this is so long but i wanted to see what you thought of it!! (the actor of snow has no reason being that attractive. why would they make such a problematic person So hot???? everytime 😢)

omg im going to see tbosas on the 16th too🤭

Personally, i absolutely LOVE the book. It's my favorite out of all the books if im completely honest. I know a lot of people are worried that it "humanizes" Snow, but it genuinely doesn't. It shows you that he had several opportunities throughout his life to do the right thing and be a decent person, but every time he chose whatever benefited himself. It's truly very interesting to watch him go from academy student Coryo to future president of Panem Snow. I really recommend reading it if you haven't or aren't sure about it🫶

Everyone that I've talked who has seen the movie so far has said it really is great and does the book justice even if it obviously had to cut some things.

As for all the Rachel Zegler hate (Lucy Grays actress), i honestly think it's absolutely stupid. Most of the comments that people bitch about are severely taken out if context or was very obviously just something she was told to say. I don't think Disney really understands that people are tired of the whole a woman has to be single to be independent thing. Like i get peoples frustration with her saying that but I know Rachel doesnt think like that it was just something she was told would help promote the movie. Most of the hate towards her is just rooted is misogyny, so i normally ignore it.

Anyways! Everyone says she's a perfect Lucy Gray, and i fully believe it without even having to watch the movie. She's got an absolutely incredible voice, but she also just captures the spirit of Lucy Gray so well that i can't wait to see the movie.

I've been absolutely OBSESSED with Olivia's song. Im ngl i was a little worried when i heard rumors of her being on the sound track just because i was struggling to imagine what the song would sound like but she absolutely ate with Can't Catch Me Now. I think i listened to it like 87 times yesterday. im not even joking

I also fully support you falling head first into your hunger games phase again🤭. I've been stuck in mine since march, and I'll gladly bring anyone down with me lmao. I know the remastered audiobooks are on YouTube if you really don't want to buy all the books again. So if you want the links, let me know! (i bought them all earlier this year, and Tatiana Maslany (shes also f!ashs voiceclaim hehe) did an incredible job narrating them🫶)

#thanks anon! #this is so long oh god #also yes coryos actor is very hot lmao #you shouldve seen toms outfit last night at the premiere #i actually let out a gasp when he took his jacket off #emma rambles.

[cosettepontmercys]

Hi Cossette! My favourite Maisie songs are I'm Trying (Not Friends) and Cate's Brother, but I also highly enjoy both singles that she released for The Good Witch (both accompanying music videos are also very enjoyable) :D I've started following Maisie's music releases circa You Signed Up For This and it's been a joy to see her artistic growth over the past 2 years 💖

For The Good Witch, I'm most looking forward to the title track, but The Band and I and Coming of Age are also amongst the songs that I'm very eager to hear! I love good storytellings and I'm excited to see what she comes up with to weave the stories altogether!

I also love your connection between The Band and I and Taylor Swift's Long Live: When I first heard Long Live years ago I love how wholesome it is!! It also shows how far Taylor came (music career-wise) since her debut and the importance of fan support over the years 💖 Hopefully we'll get to hear the Taylor's Version of the song one day!

To name a few other music albums that I've been enjoying lately:

The Record by boygenius

Good Riddance by Gracie Abrams

Drop Cherries by Billie Marten

Young Heart by Birdy

Everything I Know About Love by Laufey

Phosphorescent by Gabrielle Aplin

P.S. 2023 has been a great year in terms of music releases so far (a lot of artists that I enjoy are releasing new music), so I'm very excited about it! In addition to The Good Witch, what are a few upcoming music releases that you are looking forward to? And what are a few recent albums that you've been enjoying lately?

that’s so special! one of my friends that i met through broadway twitter has been a huge maisie stan since YSUFT if not earlier and that’s how i found out about her music! i can’t wait to see what she does next!!  and i agree — i’m most drawn to good storytelling & good lyrics, and i feel like maisie does such a good job with that! i’ve loved reading her little teasers for each song! it’s just so special. 

i think long live (taylor’s version) would be the song that destroys me most on speak now (taylor’s version) — either that, or never grow up! i’m honestly so shocked that long live didn’t make it on the eras tour setlist, and i know that when she performs it on tour i’ll be sobbing (most likely on the livestream)! 

i’m actually listening to good riddance right now (as i respond to this message)! it’s one of my favorites of 2023 so far, and i hope it gets pressed on vinyl soon! i also really loved the record by boygenius & everything i know about love by laufey, but haven’t really listened to the others — i’ll do so soon! i own both the record & everything i know about love on vinyl, but rarely listen to them on vinyl for some reason even though everything i know about love sounds so good on vinyl!

i’ve been listening to a lot of holly humberstone’s “can you afford to lose me?” which is a compilation of her first two EPs! she’s rumored to have her debut album come out this year — i feel like since you like maisie & taylor, you’re likely to enjoy her music!  i’ve also been listening to cate canning’s newest single “get better” lately — i hope she releases another album/ep/something soon. the japanese house’s in the end it always does comes out at the end of june, and i’m so excited for it! i actually just preordered my vinyl yesterday. i have no idea what these singers are up to, but i’d love to see more music from: benjamin francis leftwich, no rome, isabel pless, and del water gap! i feel like there’s another album i’m really eagerly anticipating, but i can’t think of anything right now! 

albums i’ve had on repeat lately are: phoebe bridgers’ punisher, cuts and bruises by inhaler, emails i can’t send fwd: by sabrina carpenter, and of course, taylor swift’s entire discorgraphy and the 1975’s entire discography! and not an album, but i’ve been looping beabadoobee & clairo’s version of glue song since it came out! 

#post: answered #mutual: jennifer

[lillysconsumerbehavior]

Where’s the Album, Tyler?

Tyler, the Creator is one of our generations greatest artists. Currently on Spotify alone he has 21.2 million monthly listeners. As of March 29th, he is ranked 22nd in Billboard Hot 100. Tyler’s first album as a solo artist, Goblin released in 2011 featured his first mainstream hits like Yonkers and She with impactful music videos and a beautiful feature from Frank Ocean. Tyler went on to release now five other albums gaining millions of fans along the way. Dropping in 2017, Flower Boy was Tyler's first album that put him on the radio and caused him to have a huge boom in his career to really set him in stone. Two years later Igor was released where three songs still remain on his top five Spotify discography hits. It’s really cool to see an artist that has been apart of your life for as long as Tyler has blossom into something I would’ve never imagined when I first heard Wolf in 7th grade.

Long time fans of Tyler caught on pretty early in his career that he releases albums every two years. Even crazier fans have made the connection between Tyler's album drops and the release of the new Fast and Furious movies. On top of his anticipated album release, Tyler has already confirmed a deluxe edition of his last album Call Me If You Get Lost already blessing us with a single titled DOGTOOTH. The deluxe edition of CMIYGL will feature A$AP Rocky and Vince Staples.

I talked to a couple of fans and asked them their opinions on his deluxe edition and his upcoming album and this is what they said. "I'm very excited to see what type of sounds he was originally excluding from his last album and how he plans on wrapping up such a luxurious era of his career." "It's always interesting to see the differences and similarities he integrates from his previous work into his tracks. I've never heard a Tyler album that I didn't like." Other fans posting on social media in regards to his new drops express similar excitement.

Personally I've been listening to Tyler, the Creator since 2013 so I'm obviously very excited. My favorite albums are Goblin and Cherry Bomb which are audibly very different than Flower Boy and Call Me if You Get Lost. I wasn't the biggest fan of CMIYGL but regardless I can't wait to hear what he shows us. I really liked DOGTOOTH and it even referenced a Loiter Squad episode which was a comedy show by AdultSwim called Loiter Squad that Tyler and his previous group, Odd Future were in years ago. As for his upcoming album I have no idea what it's going to sound like. I know that a lot of people were speculating that the album will be titled "Welcome to the Disco" but thankfully Tyler denied that rumor.

Let me know what you think of DOGTOOTH, the deluxe edition, and his new album when it drops!!

[theoutsiders25]

I adore Guns N' Roses with my entire heart and soul. They mean more to me than I could ever make anyone understand. I would die for my gorgeous, dearly beloved Slash 💘. He is the love of my life. I adore him and quite literally worship the ground he walks on. I've been obsessed with other things before, and even had other celebrity crushes, but I've never experienced anything like my GnR obsession. It is the most fun one I've had yet. And I've never felt the same way about any other celeb guy as I do Slash 😍.

The first time I heard the name "Guns N' Roses" was in 4th grade, when I was in a play of The Jungle Book at my local Arts Center. Welcome To The Jungle was our curtain call song. I heard the name of the group behind it, but it meant nothing. But somehow, someway, I remembered that plain as day...and that's eerie, because however many years later, I'm a diehard, obsessive fan.

However, I've only been obsessed with them since May. I even remember the very day and setting in which I realized and began my obsession with them. I was with my best friend and we were watching the Paradise City music video. I even remember it was sometime after 8 that night.

I was so skeptical at first because of all the stories and rumors about what bad boys they were. For a long time, I adored them, but never in a good conscience. That's gone away now, and I'm all in. But they were such a fun band to love, their music was epic, and I'd lost my heart to Slash completely. Once I fell, there was no looking back.

That was also in a particularly terrible time for me. At the peak of a time in which I was really struggling, I was also brand new to GnR. Their music, as well as them in general, was such a comfort to me. Especially Don't Cry. When I would break down and cry- bawl, even- I would remember those words. "Don't you cry tonight, there's a Heaven above you, baby." Hearing those words sung by a voice I so dearly loved truly encouraged me, and helped me to look up. I genuinely, truly believe that. Call me crazy, call me whatever. But that band, and that song in particular, helped see me through. I believe that with all that I am.

I've gotten to love them more and more every day. Oh, the HOURS I've spent listening to their songs, looking at them on Pinterest, or just thinking about them. It's insane.

My top 10 favorite songs by them are, in this order: My Michelle, Paradise City, Mr. Brownstone, Dust N' Bones, Double Talkin' Jive, Welcome To The Jungle, Don't Cry, Rocket Queen, Estranged, and November Rain. (I'm sure about the first nine, but the 10th alternates a lot. Right now, it's November Rain.) I'd love to hear some of your favorites 💛.

Yes !! I know what you mean I would literally die for them too . I’ve been obsessed with all kinds of celebs and bands but nothing can EVER compare to the boys ! Idk something about them just caught my eye and I went into a deep dark rabbit hole of learning about them . And I’ve been in love ever since !!

That’s so cool that , that was y’all’s curtain call song ! That is really eerie !! Similar story I believe it was 4th grade aswell or 5th not for sure but me and my friend dressed up as slash and axl I was slash and she was axl and I never thought anything about it until this year and literally just fell in love with them !!

Holy cow mine started around then to that’s so weird !! I really don’t remember how mine started I believe maybe watching 80s music videos. I was going thorough some shit when I first started listening to the band and honestly their songs can get you through some tough shit . Just something about hearing axls vocals with slash’s solos , Izzy’s rhythm, duffs bass , and stevens drums it just lights a fire in me and makes me the happiest person in the world . Omg don’t even talk about the hours gosh it probably be half my lifetime lol the pictures oh the picture I could do it for days the amount of pictures I have saved to my gnr Pinterest pin is insane !!!

Oh man that’s so hard to choose from I LOVE all of the songs !!

But if I had to go in order for right now my favorites would probably be you could be mine , nightrain, mr brownstone, don’t cry ,paradise city ,14 years ,double talkin jive , it’s so easy, dust n bones , but there’s so many more it’s just so hard to pick !!

I love those boys so much don’t know what I’d do without them and don’t know where I’d be ✨💕

Thank you so so much for the ask I really appreciate it when I get asks from all of my followers it really makes my day !! Thank you for sharing this 💕

#guns n roses #izzy stradlin #axl rose #slash #asks are always appreciated #answered asks #send asks #thank you 😊 #duff mckagan #steven adler #@guns-n-jovi

[wicked-jade]

⛰ 🎧 🔬👽👀🔪📬🥚 (okay I'll stop now, I liked too many of these)

⛰ Hardest fic to write?

If It Wasn't For Bad Luck, by far. That fic took like, nine months, from start to finish. There was a lot of medical research involved, and many of tears of frustration went into the writing of that one. I got stuck so many times. On top of a lot of just emotionally rough material to write.

🎧 A certain song you listened to while writing a fic?

I listened to both "Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac and "Heart of Gold" by Neil Young while writing some of the more emotional scenes in "Bad Luck." They both ended up featuring in the fic itself.

And I listened to "Tape Song" by The Kills a lot while writing "tape ain't gonna fix it." I ended up just using lyrics from it for the title, lol.

"Going to California" by Led Zeppelin plays a big role in Strum My Heartstrings. So it got quite a few listens. I think it got a mention in Bad Luck, as well.

🔬The fic you had to make the most research for?

And the winner is once again "Bad Luck." A lot of time went into making sure I got the scenes dealing with Johnny's injuries and the medical stuff right.

👽 Strangest fic you ever written?

I answered this one already, but most of my fics are pretty straightforward, no weirdness. Unless you count the more obscure rarepairs I've written as being strange.

👀 What’s an idea you had for a fic that you never did anything with?

I had another idea for a Halloween fic last year, but I never actually wrote anything for it. The basic plot was divorced dad Daniel buying the old Weinberg mansion, which has been sitting mostly empty for the better part of three decades. Rumor has it that it's haunted. But Daniel doesn't believe in ghosts, so he doesn't let it dissuade him...until strange, disturbing things start to happen around the house. Eventually, he realizes that a certain ghost from his past his very, very real, and still holds a grudge.

There was going to be a whole murder mystery about who killed Johnny, plus an eventual star-crossed, ghostly romance between Johnny and Daniel. Ghost Johnny also ended up befriending Sam and Miguel, and becoming their ghost sensei. 😊

Originally, the idea was inspired by the Murder House season of American Horror Story. But it's me, so the idea ended up leaning more towards the Casper end of the haunting spectrum, lmao.

🔪 The fic/chapter that hurt the most to write?.

I sound like a broken record, but again, it's "Bad Luck." Specifically, Chapter 10. That's the one where Johnny opens up about his mother's death, and all of his regrets about not being there for Robby. That one was really tough to write, pretty sure I had to take a break after that chapter.

Also, "tape ain't gonna fix it" was a really heavy one to write. Chapter 7, when Johnny finally breaks down...oof. That one hurt.

📬 The best comment you ever recieved?

One of the most gratifying was probably the nursing student who told me that all of the medical info I put into "Bad Luck" actually seemed legit. That made me feel a little better about all the time I spent on it, lol I've gotten so many sweet, supportive comments, and I love them all. My favorites are the ones when a reader tells me that a fic helped them through a particularly tough time, or made a bad day better. Those make it all worth it.

🥚 Any easter eggs you put in a fic that you hoped people would notice?

Answered this one, too. None that I can think of!

Thanks for the asks! 😘

#writing ask game

[rumor-imbris]

✨✨La Fatina Lunare è tornata✨✨

Here for the asks of your wonderful Fanfic Assassin's Creed: Defiants!!!

2: What scene did you first put down?

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to accompany us while reading?

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

Hugs!

La Fatina Lunare Giulietta 🌙✨

I've been hearing moon tiny bells from my lovely fairy playing in my inbox! Welcome back, sweetie *-*

Wow, thanks for these questions, I can't wait to ask some back to you when I'm done! So, let me start...

2: What scene did you first put down?

I think the first one ever was the Ivory, Sir Jennings' ship, docking in the closest harbour and telling Connor about the lost nautical charts, but then I decided to move it further in the story to let the reader enjoy the mystery unveiling little by little, without major spoilers too early in the plot ^_-

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

Oh, my... that's hard!! I really don't know!! i think I like so much when the peg-leg old man is talking about the sirens to comfort Mary, or when Shay tells Gist about the myth of Sedna. Or it could be a phrase Connor says in the ending, but it would spoil too much, so I won't quote it U.U

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Mmmh... Probabily the dialogue where Mary and Connor talk about their mothers sharing their experiences. Or that one where they are arguing and she tells him he only sees "the wounds on the surface, the ones the skin shows..." and he answers she does the same. (Yeah, so much angst, I know ^ ^' but it's not that bad if you read on, guys!)

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to accompany us while reading?

I have a whole playlist for this! Many songs helped me and inspired me so much during the writing process! n_n

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Yes... All I can say, without spoiling too much, is... I really hope everyone who reads my FanFic can feel that dialogue is always possible, no matter how different the minds; and that, as human species, we can always grow and improve, no matter how terrible and painful the past has been.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

I learnt to trust my writing skills more, to take my time to develop my inspiration to the right point for better words and concepts to come out and, last but not least, I learnt so so soooo much about the world of ships, life on open sea and maritime language!!!

I hope you enjoyed! Thank you so much for visiting me again

Tight Hugs 💜 Yours, always and forever

Rumor Imbris 🦋

#thanks for asking #my AC3 FanFic #AC Defiants #my OCs #ac3 fanfic #assassin's creed 3 #ac rogue #la fatina lunare giulietta #friends #FF asks

[terrainofheartfelt]

Oh, and E, K, and T

please and thank you 💛

"Even Cowgirls Get the Blues" - The Gaslight Anthem sexc.

"Every Single Night" - Computer Games okay so I was a very potter musical girl which meant I was a darren criss girl (and therefore a glee girl) so naturally I heard about this EP and it such a good happy mood record.

"Everybody Wants to Rule the World" - Tears for Fears classic bop

Everything is Everything - Ms. Lauryn Hill you know what else is everything? ms lauryn hill

"The End of All Things" - Panic! at the Disco I am. obsessed with the natural power of Brendan Urie's voice.

"King of My Heart" - tswift a feel good bop with instant serotonin

"Kyoto" - Phoebe Bridgers live, she introduced this with "this is for the dads!" which was very funny. also there was a trumpeter and he was AMAZING

"Keepsake" - The Gaslight Anthem a dan-coded & jess mariano-coded banger

"Kathy's Song" - Paul Simon a classic everyone should know. I'm also partial to the covers by Laura Marling and Eva Cassidy. also dan-coded

"Kinky" - Kesha good clean fun

"This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)" - Talking Heads all time favorite. lately i've really been loving the live acoustic cover by Walk the Moon. it's impossible to stay sad listening to it.

"Thrash Unreal" punk anthem everyone should know. I saw Laura Jane Grace on like her first tour after transitioning and it was AMAZING. Against Me was touring with The Gaslight Anthem. it was everything.

"Tell It to My Heart" - MEDUZA feat. Hozier my folk-blues baby did an EDM dance anthem which I don't really go for but he has the RANGE darling.

"Think About It" - Fleetwood Mac I'm unclear about the history of this song, but I think it was cut from Rumors and then Nicks put it on one of her solo records. It's so good. and...on the subject of GG thesis songs...this one.

"That's Mr. Bitch to You" - Claud Claud opened for Phoebe and I fell in love with them for this song. I need subtitles for my real life so I couldn't catch all their songs but I caught this one. A new fave. but seriously I'm going to listen to more once I get back to the office.

give me a letter and i’ll tell you my 5 favourite songs starting with that letter

#these were some DEEP cut kinds of letters ty for that I had much fun #asks #insistonyourcupofstars #✨song recs✨ #I feel like such an Old like #'listen to these punk deep cuts children! i went to concerts once!' #these are harder than I thought but so much fun!!!

[1d1195]

hi !!! its me again i was just listening to 'black and white' by niall and omggg i got hit with MAJOR dolcezza vibes dude. (also a lil 'made to be' but mostly dolce) this part:

"See you standin' in your dress Swear in front of all our friends There'll never be another I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life"

ABSOLUTELY BUT THE OTHER PART THAT REALLY GOT ME WAS THIS ONE

"And there's a vision I've been holdin' in my mind We're 65 and you ask When did I first know, I always knew"

AHAJHAJAJSH if you hear sirens 🚨 theyre for me cause i cant handle all this. BUT OMG THEY BOTH BEEN OBSESSED WITH EACH OTHER FROM THE START (especially him) AND THEY'RE SOOOO ADORABLE i cant even.

and theres ANOTHER song (im sorryyyy) thats just adorable in every single way im obsessed with it. timeless by taylor swift !!! its so them with the

"I'm gonna love you when our hair is turnin' gray We'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've made And you'll say, "Oh my, we really were timeless"

oh my heart they really are timeless😭😭 also the part where she says "and id die for you in the same way," which sound kind of dramatic but come on !! we know he die for her (or at least get seriously injured) after that whole stalker incident. and mc would legit do ANYTHING for him

forgive me for ranting i just love your stories and characters soooo much theyre literally always on my mind HOPE YOUR HAVING THE BEST DAY EVER SAM ILY 🫶

~🎶

OMG WOW WOW WOW

So I LOVE Black and White! Its one of my favorites by Niall! I think him being down so bad for his gf/fiancee/wife (what ever she is lol, I can't keep up with the rumors) is the sweetest cutest thing 😭 You're so right it's very Dolcezza coded, the little obsessed cuties!

I actually don't think I know Timeless! I'm not a huge Swiftie. Neither for nor against. When I like one of her songs I def overplay it but I think the radio ruined a lot of her music for me hahahaha (but you'd have to pry Anti-Hero from my hands when I die) But I will give that a listen because the lyrics certainly sound like Dolcezza!!! :)

You know, you make a really good point that Harry's done a lot of the heavy lifting in their relationship as far as being there for her when she needs him 👀👀 might be "fun" to see her freak out a bit about Harry in the future 🤭

So happy to hear from you! I hope you're well! 💕 Love you!!!!

xoxo

#🎶

[pika2482]

AOTD 12-21-2023 - The Fox and The Bird (OK Goodnight)

[All albums are rated subjectively based off my own enjoyment]

10/10

There are so many things I can say about this album, but I'll start with the usual;

OK Goodnight is a Prog Rock/Metal band that did a large part of the soundtrack for RWBY. Casey Lee Williams, daughter of one of the show's writers, Clearly has a knack for telling some of the most gut-wrenching stories, as shown in their second studio album, The Fox and The Bird. This album was written, recorded, and produced over a three year span, and by God it shows in it's master craftsmanship.

It follows our two main protagonists (Take a guess who) in their quest to return the rain to their homeland, which has been stricken with drought for some time. After hearing a rumor from The Racoon, they set off on a journey to collect a set of totems from a Very interesting cast of characters. I will not spoil anything from there, as this is a required listen for anyone with working ears.

The story is told in such a poetic story-book type way. The lyrics are artistic as they are concise and direct, and unlike Pink Lemonade (Closure in Moscow), which I had to use it's Genius page to keep track of the story, I barely even needed to read the lyrics to keep up with this one. Every aspect in each song serves both the story, fantastically painting the scene, characters, and their personalities, and also the music itself, with it's fantastic intertwining melodies and powerful, driven beats and riffs. I kid you not, I can remove the vocals from any song and you'll be able to tell me Exactly what type of character the song is about, between your headbanging and the tears in your eyes towards the ladder half.

Oh yeah, sidenote, this album is The Only artistic / entertainment medium to ever make me cry. So yeah, there's that.

While this album had MULTIPLE 9's and 10's individually, only one song can stand out as the Highlight for me:

The Bear.

With it's powerful yet simple lead guitar riff, it's melody, it's immensely powerful chorus, and the ONLY vocal growls I have ever liked. That with it's immensely powerful lyrics, an argument between our protagonists and The Bear between needing one another to survive in this world, or survival of the fittest, encompasses so many of this albums themes and drives such a hard and clear message that shoots right from my headphones into my heart. It changed my taste in music forever. I don't think I would have EVER gotten into this heavier style if it wasn't for this song.

Other standouts include The Fox and The Bird, The Racoon, The Falcon, The Bird and The Mountain. Yes, that is nearly half the track list as standouts. Yes, this album is that good.

If I HAVE to critique it over anything, it's The Dream. The Dream works as an instrumental Interlude to mirror The Nightmare earlier in the album. It starts as mainly ambient before dropping into this Massive ODESZA type soundscape that gives the Exact sensation as a really good dream (How the Fuck?) that starts slowly building up into... nothing. The goddamn track blueballsed me! This is hardly a complaint as this is what a lot of my good dreams do. If this was expanded into a full track it would crack my top 50 Easily, but, it has to serve the story first. And the story takes you directly into the grueling roars and gray stained claws of The Bear.

Overall, The best album I've ever heard and it's not very close. It changed my taste in music, made me cry, and made me buy it's CD. 10/10, would listen again, and again, and again, and again.

Favorite Songs: The Fox and The Bird, The Racoon, The Falcon, The Bear, The Bird, The Mountain

Least Favorite Songs: The Dream

IMPORTANT NOTE: The Bear and The Fox and The Bird are my number 1 and 2 favorite songs of all time, and The Racoon and The Falcon are also present on my Top 50 playlist.

#album review #music review #ok goodnight #the fox and the bird #album of the day

[queerheaven]

All the odds 😉

1. What is you middle name?

It's Margarida

3. When is your birthday?

April 2nd

5. What is your favorite color?

Blue

7. Do you have any pets?

Not anymore 😞

9. How tall are you?

This should be how short I'm but oh well 1:56m

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

10? I think

13. What talents do you have?

It used to sleep but I'm not even good at that anymore

15. Favorite song?

I have many but the one I've been listening the most is Barco from Ivandro and Bispo

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

I will let you know when I find her

19. Do you want a church wedding?

If my partner wanted it I would do it

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes of course

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Multiple ones

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I don't have any on at the moment 🤷🏼‍♀️

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Definitely no, I like when people don't know me

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nope

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

Cuddling every night...

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Just coffee

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No I haven't

37. Favorite swear word?

Chocolate

39. Do you have any scars?

I have a few yes

41. Are you a good liar?

No, I can't lie to save my life

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Yes I can

45. What is your favorite accent?

I shouldn't say 🙈🙈

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

My suits? Yes I think so

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Play your card right and you might find out 😉

51. Are you scared of spiders?

No I actually call them my little friends

53. Favorite foreign food?

Chicken curry

55. Most used phrased?

Oooh my friend!

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Depends were I'm going but usually around 10 to 20 minutes

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Both

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Every single day.. I can't drive without singing

63. Biggest Fear?

I have to many I can't choose from

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

I don't really watch dramatic I prefer horror

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Fuck no

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

It all depends on the day, time, place, weather, WHO

71. What makes you nervous?

I have anxiety everything makes me nervous

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Depending on what mistake they made

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

I don't believe so

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Obviously

79. Who was your first real crush?

One of my old friends

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Yes

83. How fast can you run?

If it is to catch my train? Faster than the Flash

85. What color is your eyes?

Grey / Blue

87. Do you keep a journal?

No

89. Do you like your age?

I keep getting told that I don't so

91. Do you like your own name?

The first one yes

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I'm not even sure if I want kids

95. What are your weaknesses?

My nephew

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

No

99. Color of your bedspread?

Blue

Thank you so muuuch anon 🥰🥰

#anon #anon ask #mine #lgbt+ #lesbian #wlw #ask #me

[fortunawren]

lyrics v;

Last little meditation practice before I get back to the serious writings.

"Cleopatra" by The Lumineers

This song is based on a true story, and has so many beautiful quotes which is why it's so popular. It's about coming to terms with the one that got away. I found this song on TikTok a few years ago, and it helped me get through heavy loss. It's kind of a peaceful acceptance of just being wrong, and I love it.

Don't let the upbeat music fool you. It's actually the saddest story I've ever heard. Also, who proposes when someone's in mourning?

Still,

*"And I left the footprints, the mud stained on the carpet And it hardened like my heart did when you left town But I must admit it, that I would marry you in an instant Damn your wife, I'd be your mistress just to have you around

But I was late for this, late for that, late for the love of my life And when I die alone, when I die alone, when I die I'll be on time

While the church discouraged, any lust that burned within me Yes my flesh, it was my currency, but I held true So I drive a taxi, and the traffic distracts me From the strangers in my backseat, they remind me of you."*

How tragic, and how beautiful.

"All Too Well (10 Minute Version)" by Taylor Swift

I will sit and listen to the 10 minute version of this song over and over. I cried to the original, and I cry to this one too when nostalgia gets me. Mainly because when she says,

"You never called it what it was 'Til we were dead and gone and buried Check the pulse and come back swearing, it's the same After three months in the grave And then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you But all I felt was shame And you held my lifeless frame"

And then,

"They say all's well that ends well But I'm in a new hell every time You double-cross my mind You said if we had been closer in age Maybe it would've been fine And that made me want to die The idea you had of me, who was she? A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel Whose shine reflects on you Not weepin' in a party bathroom Some actress askin' me what happened: You That's what happened: You."

I wish she had released this song sooner because I probably would have found clarity sooner. Jake Gyllenhaal needs to return Taylor's Gucci scarf. Although, I think there's a rumor that the scarf is a metaphor for something far more precious.

Last one,

"And I was never good at tellin' jokes, but the punch line goes I'll get older, but your lovers stay my age From when your Brooklyn broke my skin and bones I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight

And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you too? 'Cause in this city's barren cold I still remember the first fall of snow And how it glistened as it fell I remember it all too well."

In my defense, it was a 10 minute long song.

"Strawberries & Cigarettes" by Troye Sivan

I've been avoiding this song all week but it's been on my shuffle repeatedly out of thousands of songs. This song is what I imagine innocent first love feels like, or the beginning of catching feelings or trying something brand new. I posted on my socials this quote about 4-5 years ago, and it's still my favorite line.

"Remember when you taught me fate Said it'd all be worth the wait Like that night in the back of the cab When your fingers walked in my hand Next day, nothin' on my phone But I can still smell you on my clothes Always hoping things would change But we went right back to your games Long nights, daydreams Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you."

"Slipped Away" by Avril Lavigne

Sometimes I'm scared I listened to this song so many times when I was a teenager that I manifested it into reality. I've been Avril Lavigne emo since "My Happy Ending" was on the music video on-demand channels and she was spinning around in that tutu. I ended up getting one as well because I was obsessed.

Of course, attention has to be drawn to these words,

"I miss you Miss you so bad I don't forget you Oh, it's so sad I hope you can hear me I remember it clearly The day you slipped away Was the day I found it won't be the same."

"Ride" by Lana Del Rey

This song is on my sex playlist. You've got to have at least one Lana Del Rey song on your playlist if you're a romantic, and I'm a certified lover girl apparently. I fell in love with this song when Spencer and Tobey were in that motel room. The real ones know what I'm talking about.

Lana Del Rey is my favorite poet, and if you haven't read her debut poetry book, you're severely missing out. The audio of it is in my T.B.B. vinyl cart.

These lyrics,

"I've been out on that open road You can be my full time, daddy, white and gold Singing blues has been getting old You can be my full time, baby Hot or cold Don't break me down (don't break me down) I've been travelin' too long (I've been travelin' too long) I've been trying too hard (I've been trying too hard) With one pretty song (with one pretty song) I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast I am alone at midnight Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I I've got a war in my mind So, I just ride Just ride, I just ride, I just ride."

are absolutely poetry.

She's essentially my god.

Obviously.

"play this when i'm gone" by Machine Gun Kelly

This is actually Machine Gun Kelly's suicide letter that he addressed to his daughter. A lot of people have doubts about the style in which it was written, but he's a songwriter which is adjacent to a poet. Of course his suicide letter would read like a song. Oddly enough, this song brought me a lot of comfort because it helped me understand the other side to the story of drug use and depression. I desperately couldn't at the time, and it really soothed something in me.

It's probably inappropriate to pick a favorite line out of a suicide letter, but we quote Sylvia Plath all the time:

"I'm 29, my anxiety's eating me alive I'm fightin' with myself and my sobriety every night And last time I couldn't barely open up my eyes, I apologize I'm not gonna lie and tell you it's alright, it's alright You're gonna cry and, baby, that's alright, it's alright I wrote you this song to keep when I'm gone If you ever feel alone You're gonna cry and, baby, that's alright, it's alright I hope you get to go to all the places that I showed you When I was on the road and couldn't be home to hold you Part of me doesn't want this cruel world to know you So just try and keep in mind everything that I told you."

"Ahora Dice - Real Hasta La Muerte Remix" by Chris Vedia, J Balvin, Ozuna, Cardi B, Offset, Anuel, Arcangel

I can't speak Spanish although I've looked at the translation of these lyrics before. I'm a huge Cardi B fan, which is how I came across this song in the first place. It has a fantastic beat and I just love listening to it.

Cardi B says,

"And-and you know that I'm the baddest Cartier glasses, Fendi fabric And I'm years away from basic And I'm miles away from average, but One thing ain't adding up to me How you gon' mess with a bitch that look up to me? Off'"

Off is an introduction to her current husband, Offset. They actually recorded this song before they were in a relationship, and before Offset actually cheated on Cardi B, which blows my mind entirely.

"Male Fantasy" by Billie Eilish

As someone that struggles with gender roles, and my sexuality, and really navigating southern culture with my unconventional approach to life, this song felt like validation for everything that I was feeling.

These words,

"Home alone, tryin' not to eat Distract myself with pornography I hate the way she looks at me I can't stand the dialogue, she would never be That satisfied, it's a male fantasy I'm going back to therapy 'Cause I loved you then and I love you now And I don't know how Guess it's hard to know when nobody else comes around If I'm getting over you Or just pretending to Be alright, convince myself I hate you."

I could honestly drop all the lyrics because it's that beautiful of a song.

"Work Song" by Hozier

Another must on the sex playlist, absolutely. Hozier sings about women the way all women want to be sung about, and he writes his lovers like Shakespeare writes his lovers; flawed.

If your soul doesn't jolt when he says,

"Boys, when my baby found me I was three days on a drunken sin I woke with her walls around me Nothin' in her room but an empty crib And I was burnin' up a fever I didn't care much how long I lived But I swear I thought I dreamed her She never asked me once about the wrong I did When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her."

then I don't know what to tell you because it's a borderline religious experience. That's why the girlies say Hozier was written by a woman.

"Lover" by Taylor Swift

Part of my grad school application asked me to cite my favorite artist/marketer in an essay, and I chose Taylor Allison Swift. R.I.P. her relationship to Joe Alwyn. Her song "invisible string" really had me thinking that true love existed, but the jury is still out.

Until then, Taylor's vow to her lover,

"Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? With every guitar string scar on my hand I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue All's well that ends well to end up with you Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover."

Absolutely beautiful.

"Broken" by Seether and Amy Lee

My dad went through a Seether phase after his second divorce, and I've always been an Evanescence fan ever since my childhood friend's older sister leant us 'Fallen'. I always thought this was such a sad song because their relationship didn't last.

She says,

"The worst is over now and we can breathe again I want to hold you high, and steal my pain away There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight I want to hold you high and steal your pain 'Cause I'm broken when I'm open And I don't feel like I am strong enough 'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone away."

"Money" by Cardi B

I really am a huge Cardi B fan, and I overplay this song to make me feel better about the odds that I'm going to die alone, but I always smile when I hear her say,

"Sweet like a honey bun, spit like a Tommy gun Rollie a one of one, come get your mommy some Cardi at the tip-top, bitch Kiss the ring and kick rocks, sis."

"Moments" by Tove Lo

I'm obsessed with Tove Lo as well. She's in my top five artists of all time, and "Moments" has a really beautiful message. I watched her sing in the acoustic version of this song while a couple on LSD tripped in front of me. 10/10 wonderful experience.

"I'm not the prettiest you've ever seen But I have my moments, I have my moments Not the flawless one, I've never been But I have my moments, I have my moments I can get a little drunk, I get into all the don'ts But on good days I am charming as fuck I can get a little drunk, I get into all the don'ts But on good days I am charming as fuck Rough around the edges, memories and baggage You know me Never play the safe card, when I go I go hard Now you know."

"Savior Complex" by Phoebe Bridgers

See, this is one of those songs where I highly relate so I usually skip it. I only really listen to it all the way through when I'm being honest with myself, which is rarely. I'm going to quote a big portion of this song because it's fairly short.

"Wake up and start a big fire In our one room apartment But I'm too tired To have a pissing contest All the bad dreams that you hide Show me yours, I'll show you mine Call me when you land I'll drive around again One hand on the wheel, one in your mouth Turn me on and turn me down Baby, you're a vampire You want blood and I promised I'm a bad liar With a savior complex All the skeletons you hide Show me yours, and I'll show you mine."

"Sandcastles" by Beyonce

To date, I think this is one of her saddest songs next to "Heaven" although it is a love song. Beyonce sings,

"We built sandcastles that washed away I made you cry when I walked away Oh, and although I promised that I couldn't stay, baby Every promise don't work out that way, oh, babe Every promise don't work out that way."

So, even though she said that she was leaving, ultimately it didn't work out that way. I've honestly never dove deep into these lyrics before so this is kind of interesting.

"Miss You More" by Katy Perry

This song is toxic, but arguably, love itself is just a little toxic which is why its likened to war. Please don't take that as a sign to engage in abusive behaviors. There's a difference between the two.

"Saw a balloon floating away I thought, "did someone let go, or did they lose it?" So strange, you know all my secrets Please keep them safe And darling, you know I'll do the same (You know I'll do the same) Though we're no longer in existence Baby, you'll always be in my orbit I miss you more than I loved you."

Honestly, this song will probably make you depressed if you listen to it because I'm heading down that route.

"Cage On The Ground" by Flyleaf

This is a nice reprieve from all the bullshit love songs. Just kidding, I love them. Flyleaf is a Christian Rock Band, but they've always brought it. Lacey will always have my heart. I honestly took this song to heart as I have famous aspirations. I feel like it's teaching a valuable lesson.

These lyrics,

"Welcome to the machine It's a currency generator And then it's a guillotine A mirror held up to your own behaviour I'm gonna take my bow And disappear into the sound I'm leaving my cage on the ground When I take my bow I'm watching it burn to the ground See my feet flying up through the clouds When they distinguish your name It may extinguish your flame."

Honestly, take it to heart. It's true, and we see it time and time again through our modern sensationalist media. There's an over-crowd for love and appreciation, and then the mob turns against the new idol as they cannot, and will not ever meet the requirements of their projections of a god-like being. It's an endless cycle.

"Brain & Heart" by Melanie Martinez

This song is for the soft-hearts that want to be rational more than anything in the world. Love and matters of the heart are the most blinding things in the world. That's why families get away with hurting each other so long because it's all love, and all hate at the same time. Just listen to her when she says,

"When did humans start to separate Brain and heart as if they could stay alive alone? Flip it around the other way If they were apart and you had no power start or no database Only a shell remains What fun is it, to be so calculated Or be taken advantage of, 'cause your heart's too trusting Silent expressed push my head into my chest Bind them up, forever wed "Don't drift too far, " they said."

#lyrics #lyrics recs #lyric posting #lyric quotes #song suggestions #song recs #music recs #music blog #music #free #annotation #literature #books #poetry #reading #reading recommendations #reading recs