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dragjunkie23 · 4 months

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Sam Winchester SFW Alphabet

Inspired by @ghostingssdeadlinee (some of these come from their SFW Alphabet so go check it out!!)

I still ask that you be 18+ if interacting with this post

A - Affectionate (How he shows affection)

In public, Sam does little things with you. He’d definitely hold your hand, have his arm around you when you sit in a both across from Dean, hold you a little close when walking with his arm around your waist, and small kisses like a quick peck on the lips and forehead he’ll do. In private, Sam is VERY affection. He loves having you in his arms, part of it is because he is afraid to let you go and he doesn’t want you to become another Jessica or Madison.

B - Behavior (How he behaves when he realizes he likes you)

He’s going to be SUPER awkward. He’ll stumble a little bit around you with his words and you may catch him staring at you while researching. He will eventually calm down a bit, but he will be super protective over you when he starts seeing you as a romantic interest rather than a friend, so he won’t be calm in that area.

C - Cuddles (does he cuddle)

You better believe this man LOVES cuddling with you. Not so much in public but in private, as I said, he LOVES having you in his arms. When you’re both researching, watching netflix or doing anything that involves a bit of downtime, you’ll probably sit in between his legs with your back pressed upon his chest while he rests his chin on your head a bit. In bed when going to sleep, you’re either little spoon or laying on his chest, his arms around you. There will be times where he’ll lay his head on your chest while you play with his hair if he needs to let his guard down a bit.

D - Dates (What are dates with him like)

Hunter life doesn’t allow for much of the traditional dates like getting dinner at a fancy place, but you and Sam make it work to have some one on one time. There will be days where you both get breakfast by yourselves while Dean goes somewhere else (or you go when he’s still asleep). Other dates can be bookstore/library dates where you and him do book swaps on what you recently read for him to look at and vice versa or movie dates. He’ll also take you out to places where you have a particular interest like the arcade if you like gaming. Overall, though, if it’s just cuddling with you and watching Netflix, he’ll take it. He just would love spending time with you.

E - Easy (Will he be easy to get along with)

Sam has that Winchester stubbornness we all know and love, but he’s not afraid to open up about how he feels, what he’s worried about, and overall just be vulnerable. He also will adjust to your needs as long as it doesn’t negatively affect him, and what I mean by that is if you are upset about something and he wants to know what’s wrong, if you don’t wanna talk about it but assure him that it has nothing to do with him, he’ll either give you a little space or just hug you if you’re okay with it. He will want to talk about it later at some point as he really does care about you and wants you to be happy. The open communication helps the both of you get along easily.

F - Fiancée (Will he put a ring on it)

It’s honestly difficult to get legally married to Sam because he’s…technically dead, in a legal aspect. Either way, he wouldn’t be opposed to having a nice little ceremony where Castiel officiates, Dean is the best man, Jack will be either a groomsman or the ring bearer, and a couple close friends or family that are around (depending on the season). It may not be legally recognized, but you and Sam will be married in a more spiritual sense.

G - Gentle (Is he a soft boy?)

Sam is 100% a soft boy. He’s the very definition of a gentle giant. He’ll be rough in *other* places if ya know what I mean 😉 But either way, he’ll be taking great care of you and always remind you of how much he loves you.

H - Hunting (Does he want a partner that hunts)

He wish he could be with someone that isn’t a hunter, but he knows that’s not possible. He needs someone who can defend themselves, fight hard, know the lore, etc. It would honestly save him from constantly worrying about you. Just be prepared for him to be a bit overprotective of you when you do hunt.

I - I Love You (When does he say it and how often)

Sam will say it maybe pretty early in the relationship. I always joke that he was a lesbian in another life but I think as time went on, the moment he felt something, he would want to say it as he doesn’t know what will happen next. He won’t force you to say it back if you aren’t sure yet. However, the moment you do say “I love you, too” you both will be saying it before leaving for hunts or when it’s time to go to bed.

J - Jealous (How jealous will he be)

Sam’s a bit on the overprotective side as stated earlier and that will show if a guy (or girl) is harassing you when you turned them down. He tries to deny that he’s jealous when those moments come, but you know damn well that he wants everyone to know you’re off limits.

K - Kissing

Sam’s not the type to make out heavily with you in public, but he will give you a quick kiss once in a while or a forehead kiss. When in private, though, be prepared to have some puffy lips later on because that man LOVES your lips on his. I won’t go into too much detail since this is a SFW alphabet.

L - Love Language

Since Sam is big on cuddles, it’s obvious he is huge on physical touch. However, words of affirmation is also a big one for him. He wants to remind you how much he loves you and how proud he is of you when you do well on hunts, mainly because he didn’t get a lot of that growing up. There can also come a time where either you or him are killed, so he’ll want to make sure that you know how much you mean to him.

M-Morning (What he’s like in the morning)

Sam’s an active guy so he’ll definitely be awake early in the morning to go on runs. If you’re also someone who enjoys runs, you’ll probably join him. If not, if you’re still asleep, he’ll give you a kiss on your head before leaving. After that, if it’s not a busy time, he’ll take you out to breakfast at a diner (with or without Dean).

N - Never (Something he will never do)

He will NEVER cheat on you. You are the only one he wants to be with and will fight tooth and nail to make the relationship work. He’ll always be faithful to you.

O - Open (How long will it take for him to open up to you)

Depending on the time, it may be a bit before he can open his heart to someone, mainly if Jessica’s death or Madison’s are still fresh in his mind. He may also have trouble trusting after his affair with Ruby. He’ll be too scared to either be betrayed again or that you’ll die in a horrible way. If you’re someone who already knows him really well like a childhood bestie, the trust part will be there 100%, but he’ll still be scared to even touch you when he realizes he’s in love with you.

P - Patient

I’m going to get into astrology real quick: we all know Sam is a Taurus, and even though they can be stubborn as all hell, they are known to be patient with those they love. Sam knows to not push things further until it gets to a certain point where it’s affecting the relationship. We see that with Dean where he won’t push an issue until they get to a point on where it can’t be ignored. On your end, do not be afraid to open up when it comes to Sam.

R - Romantic (Is he a hopeless romantic)

This is gonna depend on which time frame you meet him if you two don't already know each other. In the beginning, he was a bit more hopeful about and finding that special someone, but he also was scared to have another Jessica. As time went on, his views on love and romance began to get a bit more realistic. He knew that his best bet was to be with someone who knew about the hunting life and understood the risks. Nevertheless, he was always optimistic about finding a partner, and when he finds you, he'll definitely be showing you every day in some way how much he loves you.

S - Serious (How soon will he ask you to be in a serious relationship)

If you two just met, it may take around 2 to 3 months before he realizes he can trust you. Then he'll ask you to be his girlfriend or partner (for those who are non-binary or do not identify as a woman). If you two have known each other for a while, I think he'll ask you the same day or at least two weeks after he asks you out on a proper date.

T - Tricky (What will be the trickiest part about the relationship)

Both of you are hunters, meaning that danger is around every corner. One of you can die at any point right in front of the other, so the anxiety behind that is no help. He'll definitely be overprotective of you during hunts which can prove to be an issue especially when you have the upper hand. He'll be quite stubborn about it as well ("I can't have you die") but it'll be because he doesn't want to lose you.

U - Unique (What will make this relationship stand out)

Well you both got the hunting thing going, so that's pretty unique. Other than that, there definitely is a "power couple" vibe that will come off the both of you. You and him work wonderfully together and can easily take on the world as long as you have each other.

V - Vanity (Would Sam care about looks on his partner)

I think some aspects of Sam will be attracted to someone based on looks, but I also see him being attracted to someone overtime the more he got to know them. Once he starts falling in love with the soul, it's not gonna matter how the love of his life looks.

W - Worry (How much would he worry about you)

I think we just about covered that Sam is gonna worry about you every. single. second.

X - Xtra (Bonus Facts)

Sam will take interest in what your interests are, so don't be hiding any interests you have from him because he'll want to know more about it no matter what.

Y - Yuck (What gives him the ick)

Someone who is just plain rude to others and has no respect for his boundaries.

Z - Zzzz (Sleeping Habits)

You will most definitely be sleeping together cuddling. Nightmares will also be more infrequent (not completely gone but it wouldn't be as much of a problem if you were sleeping in his arms).

#sam winchester #supernatural #sam winchester fluff #beautiful #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester headcanon #sfw

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frazzledsoul · 1 year

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The thing about S6 Jess Mariano is that there is simultaneously too much of him and not enough.

I've been watching old episodes recently because of a story I've been writing on and off for a week, and I don't think people truly appreciate the amount of set-up that went into Jess's scenes in The Real Paul Anka. In this show, there are supporting cast members who almost never get scenes of their own outside of interacting with the girls and various townies. I think Paris has exactly one scene that doesn't involve Lorelai or Rory. Dean has a handful. Sookie has just one off the top of my head. I believe Logan has one as well. All of these people were on the show far, far longer than Jess was. It seems only Luke, Lane, and Jess have a lot of scenes with characters other than Lorelai and Rory...and in season 6, Jess has not been seen for two years and has not been a main cast member for three. We get an introduction to his place of work, he has interactions ALONE (!) with his friends/coworkers, we get an extended sequence where he explains to Luke how exactly his job works and where he lives, he has significant interactions with both Luke, April, and Rory, and closes out the last we see of his relationship with Luke in the OS on a good note. None of the other love interests get this, because while we spend more time with them, they are not developed as individuals outside of Rory. Dean is the good boyfriend who unexpectedly leads Rory into an affair and who we last see chafing at her desire to leave him behind, while Logan is the rich, dangerous boyfriend who entices Rory into the elitist world that Lorelai sought to escape from and who will eventually lead her astray because he is unable to escape from his father's expectations, forcing Rory to repeat the life patterns of her mother (God, I hate the AYITL ending. It blows). Jess is his own person, whose existence is not completely defined by Rory, but who eventually inspires her to seek out the path that she wants by virtue of his own example. And at the end of the story, he is the one door left open, the one person who is working with her on her goals and is still involved with her life.

(This is why I chafe when people say Jess wasn't endgame, even after all of these years. One of the last things ASP said about a follow-up is that she was going to chase Milo and Alexis down and make them do it. Her intentions were pretty obvious, even for those of us like me who don't necessarily hate Logan).

What's so great about S6 Jess is that almost all of the stuff that made him a terrible boyfriend and such a damaged, tortured character during his original run on the show has been smoothed over. He meets Rory on her terms and makes plans at her convenience: he acknowledges her discomfort: he is far more concerned with her than busting the chops of her boyfriend (although that part is clearly fun, too). He's considerate, social, a person who makes plans and follows up on them. He's confident yet self-effacing: when Rory is found to be using him, he reminds her of the boundary she's crossed yet doesn't lash out. It doesn't change his feelings overall: she isn't choosing him at the time being, but he still cares about her. Even though we leave him with a broken heart, we know he's got a life beyond her, something he didn't have when we last saw him in season 3 and season 4. He has friends, a purpose, a respected place in his community: he will be okay. It's a better place than we leave Dean and likely a better place than we leave Logan in AYITL. He will be okay.

I'm of the mind that Jess's participation in the last season of the OS has less to do with the writing team changing (although I don't think Milo was particularly keen on working with the new guys, either) and more to do with what else Milo was working on at the time. Heroes was a huge, huge deal when it first came out and networks aren't always amenable to lending out their actors to work for their competitors. I just don't think it was possible for Jess to show up no matter who was writing that season. I do occasionally wonder what the S7 writers would have done with him. It doesn't escape my scrutiny that the show skips the actual Christmas holiday because Rory was in London, because Jess almost certainly would have traveled to Stars Hollow to visit his mom and newborn sister and comfort his depressed uncle. There certainly were a lot of uses for him that had nothing to do with Rory.

AYITL Jess is of course more or less the same, only with bigger arm muscles and some of the edges smoothed out: the main difference is that we see he's been more or less accepted into the Gilmore/Danes clan and is a more active support system for Luke and his mother.

At this late stage in the game, I'm not expecting or wanting a follow-up and I think odds are very much against there ever being one. I do wish that knowing that AYITL was all there was that they had given us more time with Jess (if possible) and that there was some sort of definitive end for him and Rory instead of the door just being swung wide open and an indication of a future (and of course, Jess being a total dreamboat). However, as with all things ASP, you take what you can get and what was given to us here wasn't that bad.

Those last four words still suck, though.

#meta #gilmore girls #jess mariano #literati

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soullessjack · 5 months

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so one of my other problems with babyjack is that the fandom just seems to have this sort of collective cognitive dissonance about it, in almost any context or discussion. like this post as probably my only standing example (bc it’s the only one to have gotten traction), there are all these tags about how babyjack leads to bad dean criticism, or how it’s nice in aus but they want canon complex jack, and like I’m not entirely disagreeing with that, but it is so fucking frustrating that people are still ignoring the actual problem with it and either only focusing on the most surface level issues that personally affect them or their corner of the fandom, or making up some point of acceptability for it that frankly isn’t theirs to make.

it’s the autistic experience of our struggles never being seen or cared about until they become other people’s inconveniences, and our voices being used to say something else entirely. when the main takeaway of that post is how the fandom’s treatment of jack being in a way he’s explicitly shown to hate being treated directly mirrors autistic people’s struggle for autonomy in the real world, I really do not need you to make it about how it makes your golden website boy dean look like a big meanie pants, okay? that’s definitely a part of it, but it’s not at all what we are talking about, and it 100% should not be the only reason you care.

and especially when the other takeaway is how this is just a smaller scale issue that comes from autistic infantilization, the absolute last take I want to hear is that you find that infantilization acceptable as long it’s an AU or something else separated from canon. believe me, I’m beyond glad more people actually prefer canon complex jack—like, I don’t think you guys understand that that is legitimately a rarity to find here— but the thing about babyjack is that the concept itself is inherently ableist, and directly relies on his complexities (and the representation he means for us) being removed and erased so that he can even exist in the context of those AU’s. It feels very… ‘have your cake and eat it too’ to me.

I’m trying not to sound angry or accusatory, but I am also tired of having to force civility on a problem that’s pretty much just an open secret thar everyone collectively ignores and beats bushes around solely because they prioritize #domesticdestiel over all. I mean, do you guys even hear yourselves sometimes? Like half of it just boils down to “Autistic infantilization is always bad, except for this one context where it makes my ship look domestic and redeems my blorbo,” and it’s getting really fucking annoying to have to constantly explain something that is not only painfully easy to understand, but is understood and actively ignored, and still play nice so that somebody out there might listen.

So many people will say they like canon Jack and want more of him from the fandom, and I more than agree, but motherfucker you have a blog! You have the tools! Be the change you want to see! He doesn’t have to be your fav or your blog thesis blorbo, but if you want it, you are literally fully equipped to make it! Write some meta, draw some fanart, whatever. Better yet, you could even stop engaging with and perpetuating content that actively pushes down on what you want and, I must reiterate, is actively harmful and ableist. If you want domestic silliness go right ahead, but you don’t need to resort to ableism to do it.

I don’t think I’m asking too much or asking rudely, and frankly I don’t even think I owe niceties to anyone when it’s a problem that has been openly ignored for 6 years and holds plenty of bearing in the real world concerning my identity and community and shit we face constantly. Outside of our screens, we are constantly fighting for autonomy and recognition and representation, and even to be seen as people. Online spaces, especially fandom spaces, are a huge source of escapism and support that we wouldn’t get otherwise. So for the love of god, please stop bringing that fight here.

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did-i-mention-the-shirt · 2 months

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okay okay yes i KNOW i should be writing my fanfic BUT

Community characters as AJJ songs bc it's my favorite show and favorite band :] (If you want anyone added, feel free to ask!) Jeff Winger - Brave As A Noun. Okay, hear me out. This song not only applies to him lyrically but also shares the energy he has in the later seasons. He's just forcing himself to be satisfied with a life he doesn't really want, but also doesn't hate, is very season six finale. That is very much BAAN.

Britta Perry - Dissonance. It really has her energy. From the pilot to the finale, it fits her consistently despite her major character change. She is not put together. She hates herself because everyone's told her to. Britta is the best, but no one sees that. Not even herself. The only people who treated her with respect were the people she spent the least amount of time with! Think about it, she's had - what? - One touching scene with Duncan and Pierce each? She deserves more.

Abed Nadir - Goodbye, Oh Goodbye. Just listen to the song and you'll agree. This is mostly because of Troy's departure or in Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas. Whenever he has to confront his emotions, he has this distance between himself and everyone else. The opening lines, "I was thrown onto the ground/I was locked inside a basement/The guards went on vacation while I plotted my revolt." really, really, REALLY reminds me of 'Virtual Systems Analysis' when Annie's talking to Abed in the mind locker. It's a sad song, but it really fits him. The line "It's nothing like the nothingness that normally numbs one pain" is very clearly related to Troy. He got so used to Troy, and he never took him for granted, but Troy became a constant. He was Abed's anchor, and now he's gone.

Annie Edison - No one. This is Annie, particularly as the Ace of Hearts in 'A Fistful Of Paintballs'.

Troy Barns - A Big Day for Grimley. It's giving post-sea voyage Troy. He's changed, he's traumatized, and he's a little bit alone. He's proud of himself but is full of regret. What happened to Abed? He doesn't know.

Pierce Hawthorne - People Ii: The Reckoning. THIS IS PIERCE!!! Now, many of you know I love Pierce, so if you don't then you might not agree with this choice lmao

Pierce is sad. He is so sad. In Britta's words, he has spent so long looking out for himself, but he would give it all up for a shot at a family. He never gets that family. The study group never fully accepts him, despite his efforts and his becoming a better person with their help. Even Annie, the nicest to him in the group, seems to see him as a project or something. Like, he's just some old racist, homophobic old man, and not someone with 60+ years of trauma that he gradually works through with the help of his friends. He gains a brother. He defends the LGBTQ+ community. He wants nothing more than to be close to Jeff. And he dies alone.

So, yeah. "Here's to you Mrs. Robinson, people love you more, oh nevermind."

Dean Craig Pelton - Human kittens. No, I don't know why. Someone needs to give him a hug (Jeff).

Ben Chang - Dipping Things In Stuff. I don't know, he's batshit. He wants love though, just like the rest of us. This is very seasons 5/6 of Chang, I believe.

Buzz Hickey - Hate, rain on me. Tired, nihilistic, and praying for hope. I really like this song for him.

Elroy Patashnick - Normalization Blues. Don't ask me why. It works.

Ian Duncan - Fucc The Devil. Sad, distant, desperate, and hallow. But enough about Duncan. This song is the perfect example of, "I have what I want. Why am I still not okay?" which is what Duncan faces a lot. "I wanna go away for a while/Away for awhile/Because the things that I have seen/Are turning me into a shitty human being." Look me in the eyes and tell me that's not Ian. This man deserves so much more then people will let him have. Don't get me wrong, he's awful. But aren't we all, just a little bit?

Frankie and Shirley are too sane for this band im sorry to them

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hannahssimblr · 5 months

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Chapter Thirteen (Part 2)

“Well, couldn’t have let you starve.” He holds the door open for me and I slip through it under his arm. It’s snowing again, and freezing flakes start landing instantly on my face. I shove my hands into my pockets as we walk together, but I can’t help but marvel at how bright the sky looks. Even though it’s well past midnight now the brilliant white carpet laid over the city reflects back into the sky making it look the same way that it does in the middle of summer on those impossibly long days when the sun never quite dips all the way below the horizon.

“It’s been nice to see you again.” Jude says. “You know, I’ve missed talking to you.”

I dig my chin into the collar of my coat to warm up my face with my breath. “Yeah.” I say. “You know, I really didn’t think it’d be so easy to talk to you after so long.”

“Let’s not leave it so long next time. I want to be your friend again.”

I blink, taken aback by the directness of his words. “You do?”

“Yeah, of course, I always felt like we kinda clicked.”

I laugh with incredulity. “Okay, well, you’re going to have to email back this time then.”

He looks at me and his eyes crinkle up. “Oh, sorry, but I definitely won’t. I’ve already proved to you that I’m horrible with communication. You’re going to have to wrangle me with a phone call.”

“Oh, well now you’re just making this sound like too much work… Who calls anyone anymore? You’re like some relic from the nineties.”

“Come on, me, I call people, in fact, it’s probably the only sure-fire way to access me at all. At least then you’ll know when I’m coming back to Dublin and maybe someday if you wanted to you could visit me in Berlin.”

“Hmm.”

“And you’ll love Berlin.” He swears. “You’ll love my friends and the things that we do, it’s not all about drinking all of the time, there’s so much else. And the restaurants, you can have any food you want, anything in the world…”

“You’re really trying to sell it to me here, I get it. Berlin’s the best…”

“Just, here…” He holds out his hand expectantly and I stare at it until he clarifies. “Your phone please, Evie.” I dig it out of my pocket and give it to him. He starts typing something, and when he hands it back to me I see he’s put two things into my notes app.

“The first one is my German number.” He explains. “And if you don’t have a roaming plan on your phone, that second thing is my skype name. You can call me for free.”

“Okay, well, you know where to find me…” I give him a side-eyed glance “…unless you’ve already deleted my details.”

“Never.” He says. “I still have your number.”

“Okay then, but I won’t be surprised if I never hear from you.”

“You will.”

I don’t believe him.

We reach the bar then and head back inside where my face is flushed with a sudden blast of warm air. The private area is nearly empty now with just a few stragglers left, including Shane, Claire and Jen waiting forlornly around the table. Claire perks up when she sees us. “Oh you’re back, finally.” She breathes. “We really wanted to leave.”

“Where’s Marnie and Dean?” I ask her.

“He and his friends got thrown out by the bouncers, and then Marnie and the brown haired girl went with them. It was about half an hour ago.”

“It was fun to watch.” Says Shane caustically. “He could hardly even walk.”

I give him a tight smile, trying to hide the deepest shame I have possibly ever felt. I keep picturing his face, Claire’s face, and even Jen’s face when they saw Dean. The shock and disgust in their expressions. It feels like shock and disgust at my decisions, at the choices I’ve made and the people I’ve chosen to spend my time with. I feel a second wave of shame when I think of the things Marnie said to Jude, and the way he just laughed her off like she was pathetic, like she doesn’t have any power I’ve been allowing her after all. As I look over the small group left in this bar, I realise that Marnie would never have waited for me to come back from the takeaway, she would have left me here on my own, but here are Claire and Shane and Jen who sat out their boredom just so they could make sure I wouldn’t be left alone at my own birthday party.

Then I take Claire’s arm. “Well, I suppose we better get going, so. Thanks so much for coming, this was really really nice.”

“Yeah, for sure.” Jen says to me. “I’d love to catch up with you again sometime.”

“I’d like that too.” I say.

“Summer.” She says. “When Jude comes back again in June I’ll have you over for a movie, we can all spend time having a proper catch up.”

“Yeah, absolutely.”

“Come on, let’s all walk out together.” And so we do, we all head out onto the snowy streets and when we’re ready to leave everybody starts hugging each other goodbye. When it’s my turn to hug Jude I try not to linger in his arms for too long, and I don’t know how to say goodbye to him again so I step back from him and raise one hand in an awkward wave. “Safe trip home.” I say.

“Don’t be a stranger.”

“You don’t.”

“I wouldn’t, not again.”

And then Shane, Claire and I walk away from him together without looking back.

And that’s that. After a year and a half, we’ve run into each other again, we’ve talked, we’ve caught up and filled in the blanks and now it’s over, he’s gone, and my life will go back to the way it used to be. I have no hope in my mind that I’ll hear from him, and I wonder if it’s for the best that I don’t. He won’t call. The movie night at Jen’s house won’t happen, and maybe we won’t run into each other for a year, two years, maybe more. Or maybe, I think to myself as I trudge through the snow, maybe we’ll never see each other ever again.

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#sims #sims 4 #ts4 #simlit #sims 4 story #sims story #writing #fiction #romance #sims 4 storytelling #sims4 storytelling #sims storytelling #lucky girl part 2

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mittensmorgul · 1 year

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Your posts about The Winchesters is making me consider getting involved in the community again. I'll be honest, SPN's finale hurt bad, and I haven't engaged in or even re-watched an episode of Supernatural in two years. It took a long time to appreciate the experience and not feel like i'd wasted YEARS being so invested in something that felt like a slap in the face at the end. I miss the community; I miss talking about it, being excited, etc. But I got in the SPN tags for the first time in two years today, and seeing Dean, Sam, and Cas's faces on my screen again felt like seeing old friends:'-)

Aw, heck, well... welcome back :')

I still haven't rewatched 15.20, and I don't know that I ever will. But for the first time since it aired, watching The Winchesters 1.13 actually... let me feel even a little bit okay about it.

When The Winchesters was first announced and we learned the premise of Dean telling the story to us, I was wary. If it had started off with "so I'm dead and in Heaven and learned this stuff..." I probably wouldn't have watched, just because of that. I do NOT wanna hear about Dead Dean. I still cannot reconcile the Dean in 15.20 with the Dean from the entire rest of the original series. 40 minutes of just completely erasing all character growth and then pinning him on a rusty receipt spike was NOT the culmination of 15 years of him struggling to be free, you know? I would've noped so hard on watching him tell stories from Heaven... I really didn't want to engage with more canon that insisted that travesty actually happened.

Many of us cling to our Chuck Won theories-- that Chuck's power transferring into Jack transformed Our Jack into some weird God-Chuck-The Sequel. That Chuck The Guy was just a puppet for the actual Cosmic Power and it still had its own agenda but now there was nothing for Dean to fight back against he just... gave in to its demands and played out the story Chuck had always wanted him to.

Detour time: I've spent the last few days (while being stupidly sick and not particularly coherent as a result... hooray cold medicine brain) trying to assemble all the times Chuck talked about his writing process, what he wanted from his story, and giving up quickly because it's just so much... but I recall him saying something to the effect of "that's where I went wrong, when I tried to write myself into the story." And I think that was his failsafe-- he spent all of s15 waiting for Jack to turn himself into The Perfect Receptacle for his power, to put on that little show on the beach and take on all his power so Sam and Dean would believe they'd actually won. Making everything that happened afterward just... them thinking they were making their own choices or whatever, when they'd completely dropped their guard and all Chuck had to do was throw the Random Bad Vampires at them that Becky complained about way back in 15.04. And they'd never see it coming.

So... Dean telling the story here? I still held out hope that it would take place BEFORE the events of 15.20, when he was alive, and that the goal was to tell a DIFFERENT story from the one Chuck wanted to tell.

But the way it was all set up in The Winchesters left us open to question everything we saw, everything we were being told by Dean as the story unfolded. We had to think about it week to week, and the payoff to that? That Dean has been dead and running out of Heaven specifically in search of a world where maybe his family actually had a chance to be happy? When he was supposedly in HEAVEN, also known as PARADISE, where everyone is supposed to finally find peace and happiness? Well, that right there SCREAMS "hey, so maybe paradise isn't what it's cracked up to be... maybe something is really, really wrong in Heaven, with "Jack," with the whole concept of "peace when we are done."

Dean... is still looking for something. Something is desperately missing. His whole family is supposedly in Heaven with him, and yet why is he running through the multiverse looking for something? What could be missing?

We were *told* in 15.20 that Cas was there in Heaven, but *we never saw him there.* We were *told* that Heaven was "fixed" and all was well there, but *we did not see any of that.*

What if something very much larger is very much not right, and Dean is still looking for something? He looked so dang sad in the Winchesters finale. SO dang sad. And he was very pointedly behaving very carefully toward Jack. Like he knows he's breaking rules, or possibly even testing boundaries a little bit here... and I like the wide open possibilities of what that could mean.

I really think Dean's role in The Winchesters is effectively wrapped up. I would love to see a continuation of the series just for the characters we've grown to love there. But I do firmly see it as its own thing, adjacent to Supernatural and built from it, but with the potential to be whatever it wants to be in the future, and I love the possibilities inherent in that.

But for Dean himself? He absolutely built a high dive platform for himself to dive back into his own story from here, and I would LOVE to watch that unfold, as well. And to me, that feels like Jensen's intent behind all of this.

Will it ever happen? Golly I sure hope so...

#the winchesters #spnwin s1 spoilers #spnwin 1.13

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ohdeathz · 2 months

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❛ everyone's luck runs out eventually. ❜

i see you meet william “sully” sullivan, huh? they are around for… well, it will be seven years, now. time flies when you are busy and as part of the hunters, they are. if you want to meet them, they live in h3a, i think. people say they are organized + patient, but don’t piss them off, okay? because they can be also petty + grumpy, so be safe.

pinterest board

connection ideas

content warning for brief mentions of suicide

basics;

faceclaim. jeffrey dean morgan

name. william lee sullivan

preferred nickname. sully

age. 57

gender, pronouns. cis man, he/him

sexuality. heterosexual

occupation. hunter pre-apocalypse occupation. truck driver

preferred weapon. tactical shotgun

lore;

PRE-APOCALYPSE—

› the sullivan's were poor growing up. sully didn't get much in his adolescence and when he did, it was for his birthday or for christmas. by the time he was thirteen, he had gotten used to never getting his way or what he wanted.

› sully never ended up going to college but rather started out as a laborer and then got a job as a truck driver and has been with the same company ever since.

› he honestly can't complain about life. by the time the outbreak happened, sully had no family left which meant that he had no reason to go back to his hometown (he had been on the road, doing a delivery, when he had his first encounter with a zombie).

POST-APOCALYPSE—

› sully started out with a group of four or five other lonely survivors who were also trying to make it on their own until realizing that it would be easier with others. that particular group ran for about two years before they started dying off like dominos: once one died, the others followed not long after. sully got incredibly sick but was the only one who survived. turned out to be a suicide-murder attempt by one of them.

› within a four year period, he found himself in two other groups that tried to make it but ended up failing. after being alone for some time after that, he stumbled upon domus spei.. but not in the condition you might think.

› shortly before finding the front gates, sully had been fighting for his life. a hostile group of men had robbed him and left him for dead and unfortunately for him, they had made an awful lot of noise.

› in the horrible condition he was in, sully hardly wanted to stay long enough to get patched up. he just wanted to get in and out.. but then a pretty black haired woman, charlie, talked to him. and suddenly his opinion changed. sully decided to stay.

› long story short, over the course of seven years, he fell in love, got married and had twins with charlie. he thanks his lucky stars every single day that that group beat him up and that he found this community..

PRESENT DAY / TIDBITS—

› a little over a week ago, she went on a "quick in-and-out" solo supply run and never came back. he believes her to be dead and is having a really hard time dealing with his grief (especially considering how young their twins, maddy and dakota, are).

› after his wife went missing, sully doesn't talk nearly as much. most of the time, he'll only talk if he's approached first, he won't go out of his way to start a conversation with someone. he feels extremely conflicted with all of the different emotions he feels. love for his family, joy for his children, grief for his wife.. it's all too much.

› currently taking it one day at a time. sometimes even that is too much; some days he takes it one minute at a time..

› he goes by "sully" because that's what charlie started calling him. eventually he decided to introduce himself as sully as the rest is history.

#blood tw #smoking tw #bite.intro

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deaneverafter · 2 years

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Carrion Comfort

Episode thoughts dropping 2 days late because I was too busy having Emotions™️ and rewatching the episode? More likely than you'd think 💖🤣

I've said this before, and I'll say it again, I am really, really loving the episode cases, and the vibes that come along with them. This episode especially was so creepy! Everyone say thank you, Jensen Ackles 🥂

The car scene.

The way Beau was looking at Jenny before asking her if she's okay says so much 🥺 He's so worried 😭 I can't wait for him to realize he's fallen for her 💕

Right after the walkthrough of the crime scene.

I love how Beau's clearly been working to help make the whole department run smoothly, make everyone feel useful and appreciated, he's such a good boss ✊🏻

Precinct scene.

Cassie Dewell, aka, the only Cass I know 😊 And she wouldn't leave her friends for dead because they didn't return her feelings 💛

I want to see Beau's 10 year old photo for the department website (and I want someone to acknowledge that it doesn't look 10 years older, because he looks the same) 💖

Cassie watching Beau and Jenny flirt and bicker like a married couple, like 👀😏 She ships it 💫 Love a supportive best friend, who just wants her two friends to have happiness and love in their lives 🥺

"Is that a werewolf? That's a first for me." Bestie- 🥺💖 Jensen bringing Dean with him everywhere he goes, and I'm on the floor in my feels, sobbing 😌💟

Ugh, Carla.

Carla divorced Beau which means that he's not obligated to tell her anything or practice his "communication skills" with her 🙄 The entitlement is real. Truly canNOT stand this woman, she's so mean and passive aggressive and dismissive towards Beau, as well as condescending and rude towards Jenny 😒 She really came in and insulted both my favourite people in the span of one and a half minute, oh, and yeah, remember when she broke Beau's whole heart? And continues to make him feel small and sad? Yeah, to say I don't like her is an understatement.

Jenny defending Beau against Carla was such a nice moment, and just another reason she's the best, and why her and Beau are the perfect match. She actually cares about him, respects and understands him. Next time Carla is being rude and mean, I hope she doesn't care about being polite and wipes the floor with Carla. Would also love to see her about to punch her, and then Beau holds her back, because he can't have his undersheriff getting charged and we get another unintentionally intimate moment, before he cheekily thanks her for defending his honour 💅🏻💖

Here's to hoping something dramatic happens before Emily comes to stay with Beau, to prevent it, I can't stomach even the thought of putting up with her insulting and dismissing Beau for a whole episode 😣😒 And him spending the whole episode looking heartbroken and sad and on the verge of tears 😭

Big Sky, Season 2, Episode 18, Catch a Few Fish

Jenny: and lemme guess, you're still in love with her

Beau: 😐😶

Big Sky, Deadly Trails, Season 3, Episode 4, Carrion Comfort

Jenny: you're still in love with her

Beau: No, I'm not. No. Stop it.

And I, for one, believe him. Especially since I'm still trying to understand what he saw in her in the first place. She's so mean!

Also, Jenny once again trying to gauge Beau's feelings for someone else by teasing him? Just for fun, no reason whatsoever? Just out of curiosity? 👀 Mm-mm, she wants to know if her heart will be safe with him if she lets herself fully fall (because deep down she's already fallen, all that's left to do is admit it) 😌

Glamping Shenanigans.

Full offense, but I'd much rather watch more about Luke and Paige and their past (criminal?) activities, than Emily whining and sticking her nose where it doesn't belong every episode. Paige and Luke aren't likable at all, but they ARE interesting. Emily is annoying AND boring. And she keeps getting exponentially more obnoxious every episode.

Cassie and Cormac.

They are my, er, second "one" true pairing (after Jenny/Beau, of course). I really wasn't expecting to ship someone with Cassie this soon after Lindor after they broke up right after getting together after a one and a half season long burn, but I am rooting for these two for sure 👌🏻

Donno and Tonya.

Am I finding myself shipping Tonya and Donno or......? I mean, I could definitely be okay with them just being friends and partners, but...... I don't know, it could be tipped over to romance very easily 👀

Sunny and Walt.

Wow, Walt really had me feeling bad for a minute there, I was like, damn, he did kill Mark, but maybe he didn't mean to......? But nah, this man is full-on Menace in the Woods 😱🔪 And I would not be surprised if Sunny and Walt became a full on killing team, they're both so unhinged! 💯

The Cutter House. Part I.

Beau patting Jenny on the shoulder entering the house had no tactical reason, so I just love that they're such a team, so concerned for each other, that he did it to reassure her he's there, he's okay, he's got her back 🥺💕

The Cutter House. Part II, aka, The Scene™️.

Them fighting the killer, Beau and Jenny are so badass and such a perfect team 💅🏻

Beau fighting to protect himself versus Beau after the creep attacked Jenny, he was much more intense during the latter, I love the increased intensity and drive. He really said no one touches my girl 😡 and I love that 💖💕💫

Every time she thinks Beau got hurt, Jenny gets so worried, everything else loses focus. She rushed to him, completely forgetting the suspect, and if that's not love... 💕 and how gentle she is checking his wound, touching it so gingerly 🥺 True loveism 💝💖

It's so perfect how in sync they are, Beau knew he could count on Jenny to know why he'd turned her around, and Jenny trusted him and instinctually knew why, she realized exactly what he was doing. And him, physically having her back, holding her steady 🥺💝 Plus, the way it ended with them holding on to each other 💯 They're so sexy for that 🔥💕

There's also a moment where it looks like Beau might've been reaching for Jenny's hand, so maybe one of the takes had them shooting together and I'd love to see that outtake, though I do love how it actually played out, with complete trust and them in sync 🥺

I also love how they just stay in this position just a minute longer than necessary, letting themselves be support for the other, letting themselves take comfort from the other, just breathing together for a moment 🥺💟

Also, is it just me or did Jenny just absolutely melt back into Beau once they both knew the danger was averted? 🥺💖 I love the trust they have. And the 💫 tension 💫

And this moment when they're both still breathless, and Beau feels the intimacy of the situation and Jenny just leans back into him, when he's finally looking at her, I think he's realizing he's fallen for her, irrevocably 🥺💕

I just, I love this scene a lot. And I really love that the scene is so warm and wholesome with their trust and teamwork, but also really hot and has a lot of tension! It's everything to me, and I just love how it was written and played so well, such a perfect balance of emotional vulnerability and display of feelings, and physical tension 🥺💖

The Hospital Scene.

Jenny reassuring Beau about how good of a dad he is 🥺 He deserves to be around people who appreciate and respect him so much 💛

The more episodes go by without Beau calling her "Jenny" and only "Hoyt", even though he called her Jenny during the premiere, the more I become convinced that he's already in love, but denying it to himself (until he just can't 👀). Although, he didn't call her Hoyt after the fight scene, might that be more evidence my man's catching on to how he feels about Jenny.....? 🥺👀

Beau, my beloved.

Beau really is the whole package. Kind, funny, handsome, caring & THIS good at his job? His instincts about the murder not being random were right, and when he was looking at the photos, his gut knew it was important, even when he didn't have all the pieces to know why 🏆💯🥰❤

He used to build houses in the summers? And knows about antiques? I love a multitalented and multifaceted king 🥺 I want to hear more about his backstory, his parents/siblings, his hobbies, what he likes to do in his free time. Just, more about him in general. I truly do love him with my whole heart 💖

"Wow, Beau was extra handsome and charming this episode 🥰❤" <- me after literally every single episode 🤣

#Beau Arlen #Jensen Ackles #Jenny Hoyt #Katheryn Winnick #Beau Arlen x Jenny Hoyt #Big Sky #Big Sky: Deadly Trails #Big Sky State of Mind

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orsonke · 1 year

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if you’re hearing ARE YOU SATISFIED by MARINA playing, you have to know ORSON KE (HE/HIM; TRANSMASCULINE) is near by! the TWENTY TWO year old NHL PLAYER has been in denver for, like, NINE MONTHS. they’re known to be quite INTENSE, but being AMBITIOUS seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble CHELLA MAN. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those RESTLESS FINGERS, FEELING THE BASS IN YOUR CHEST, WELL WORN JERSEY/HOODIE COMBO vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the RIVER NORTH ARTS DISTRICT long enough!

BASICS

full name: orson ryan ke

age: twenty two (born august nineteenth)

gender: transmasculine

pronouns: he/him

sexuality: gay

ethnicity: chinese, ashkenazi jewish

nationality: american

occupation: left wing for the colorado avalanches (nhl)

BACKGROUND

grew up in minneapolis to divorced parents, who were the most incompatible people ever, though it was only really started to show when they had orson. they disagreed heavily on how to raise a child, and ended up splitting when he was only three years old. his whole life was spent in two deeply different worlds.

his mother, a criminal lawyer, believes that "you don't need to be your child's friend," and so never attempted to connect with him really. she pushed him hard in school, sports, music, but never showed much care into who he was, or if he was okay, believing that you should never settle, always striving for more no matter the cost, and so ended up being very critical in everything, even the things he did well.

his father, on the other hand, had never been the driven sort, a trust fund baby who was perfectly content living on other people's coattails. he was more focused on his own life than really being involved in orson's. more casual friends than father and child, only showing a polite interest in what he was doing. when the going got tough, his father was more likely to leave him to figure it out for himself, if he even realized there was a problem at all.

it seemed that no matter what he did, he couldn't satisfy either of his parents, who both saw a reflection of the parent in him. seeking approval elsewhere, he started playing hockey when he was ten. it was a godsend, and not just because he was talented on the ice. a community of people who needed him. his parents didn't get, his father was never a sports guy, and his mom thought he didn't have the focus to commit to a sport.

orson has spent his entire career trying to win their approval, not that he's realized it. ever hungry for success, part of why he's become so good is that feeling that things he do are never good enough. he's always training, often at expense of any sort of social life.

this became clear during college. scouted by university of michigan, he spent his four years in college either training or studying (since his mom would never accept anything less than dean's list). when most people were discovering themselves, he was dedicating himself to his craft.

last summer he graduated, promptly joining the colorado avalanches. in a completely new place, with a completely different team, orson is painfully aware of how lost he feels outside of hockey. filling his time outside of it with elaborate parties, meaningless flings, he puts on a front that is very different than who he really is, but there are times where he feels like he doesn't know who that person really is.

PLATONIC

orson is very social, though not always the most friendly. he can be a little full of himself, but if you can stomach it, he's a pretty good friend. an extrovert, he prefers to be with other people than by himself, so he's always spending time with one friend or another (when he's not spending time with the team). however, he's not very good at letting him get close to him, and very rarely talks about what's bothering him. this leads to some (most) friendships feeling superficial, though he wants something deeper.

ROMANTIC

in short, orson is terrible at relationships. past the casual stage, he is far too focused on his career, and can be inadvertently critical of his partners. in the casual stage, he can be a fun partner, though again not very serious about the relationship, or even the other person's feelings.

ANTAGONISTIC

orson can very an abrasive personality, seemingly arrogant and unconcerned with other people. those not charmed by his smiles or talents or wealth find him annoying, two dimensional, and a vapid athlete. always defensive, orson doesn't try to win over those who don't like him, preferring always to poke the bear and win.

MISCELANOUS

orson is deaf, with 40% hearing loss. he wears hearing aids, and can speak, but also uses asl

very, very competitive in literally everything. the kind of guy to race you to the end of the street for literally no reason.

very into fashion, but mostly streetwear. more money than sense, he sometimes wears the ugliest outfits you've ever seen but swears they are fire

#chq;intro #very new oc

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sastiel-is-my-serotonin · 10 months

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Rewriting season four with Dean becoming deaf, especially so suddenly, is interesting. Because obviously communication is going to be different and difficult especially when he's trying to convince Bobby and Sam that's it's him and he's alive.

So far pen and paper are the most reliable way for them to communicate but also Dean sometimes doesn't need it since he already knows what the two will say at certain times.

But I don't like to rely on the second one for huge things just like minor comments that don't need to be written down. Comments that they would mumble but Dean, trust, he still hears them even if he can't.

Also, Dean had trouble at first figuring out that he couldn't hear his environment because it's not like everything was silent. In fact, things were so loud, the ringing was still there and even when he can't hear that there's still noise in his ears. It's just not his environment or people that he can hear. It's like if he is wearing headphones that are entirely too loud but he can't turn them down.

I have been slowly chipping away at this, trying to avoid rushing it because as much as I want to finish this idea, I want to do it right. Especially with the ideas I have that I want to get to. So as I go along I'll make little notes of what I want to include and as I see fit I'll incorporate them in.

I get why Dean didn't become deaf, besides being a true vessel, like it would've been a difficult thing for them to incorporate into the show. But, it could've been done but they never really stuck with long time injuries so I'm not surprised. Especially after the introduction to angels, injuries just don't stick. But it would have added more depth to just how powerful angels are when humans are exposed to them in their trueforms. Especially with what happens to Pamela, hers was permanent, but she's not a true vessel, nor a permanent character so they're more okay with those decisions to make it extreme for side characters.

A lot of the times I complain about things in the show I get the reason why they wouldn't go with something, such as this, I just don't believe that it should have stopped them. Like come on, make those looming threats that hang over their heads mean something!! Not just for the time being, make it last longer than the season especially when you're going to carry certain instances for seasons to come!! Where is your commitment?

But still, I do get it. I'm just going to whine about it like I don't lol.

#Just because I get it doesn't mean I like the reasoning lol #There's a certain idea for communication I really love that I want to leave as a surprise #But also they'll learn sign language - Sam saying it's important for hunts #And Dean does hate the delayed conversations so he agrees #dean winchester #sam winchester #bobby singer

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scoobydoodean · 1 year

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i think it’s kinda funny how you don’t have some sort of online handle except your urls, so i can only ever address you as like dftsam. anyway i saw a take that said cas “learned” to feel unloved from dean, from the way dean treated him basically - an example they gave was dean looking away when cas said I love you as he was dying in s12 - and it seemed there were a lot of people agreeing with it. i’m not one of them, but if you were interested (only if you’d wanna talk about it, I’d get it if you didn’t) I’d love to get you thoughts on this idea?

So I read this at like 1-2 AM lying in bed and I was like this:

I find it so fucking funny when people start in on this shit, because Dean girls and Cas girls can do this to each other all day long. “Dean made Cas feel unloved” “Cas made Dean feel unloved”. You can build a framework for either (BOTH) by cherrypicking scenes to suit a narrative. Like. I can easily say that Cas repeatedly sent a message, regardless of his intentions, that Dean’s feelings don’t mean jack shit to him. I prefer to take things with humor and just understand where Cas’s issues are coming from (just like Dean—who makes his best effort to understand Cas; just like Cas makes his best effort to understand Dean) rather than get mad and demonize him so I can be angsty about Dean always feeling "unloved"… but the guy… look—making no effort to explain why he is like this at this moment (because Cas apologism is absolutely not the point of this ask) Cas is known to do the following:

Control the means of communication. You will pretty much never see Dean ghost Cas. Even when Dean was forced to kick him out, he checked up on him to make sure he was okay. But Cas will knowingly and intentionally ghost Dean’s prayers and calls for days and weeks at a time on repeat through their ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP. Dean has expressed that this upsets him more than once, but Cas continues to do it. Every once in a while he’ll throw in a half-assed apology sure—but it doesn’t mean anything. He’s going to do the thing he’s apologizing for again as soon as he’s decided he doesn’t want to face Dean’s questions or doesn’t want him involved yet again. Which means 1) he isn't actually sorry 2) how it makes Dean feel is not important to him or else he'd stop doing it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Keep secrets about bad things going on CONSTANTLY. Over and over and over and over… then Dean is still the one who ends up apologizing for getting mad about it. Rinse, repeat.

(Often) Refuse to be a team player in an effort to keep Sam and Dean out of harms way over the things he has personally decided are too dangerous for them, without ever letting them have a say, because he has unilaterally decided they are too tiny and soft and he needs to fall on a sword when no one asked him to and no one WANTS HIM TO. A lot of people want to turn this into bemoaning Castiel's constant unappreciated sacrifices, but this is so unbelievably shortsighted of a take. He is attempting to relate to Dean, a person who believes he is poison and that loving him gets people killed, by attempting to fucking martyr himself over and over and OVER. Dean doesn't WANT it, and it isn't NECESSARY 99% of the time if Cas would just WORK AS A TEAM.

Urges Dean to co-parent children who he feels he has personal obligations to twice.

Who does that remind you of? Because I know who it reminds me of, but people don’t want to read that meta—or about how Cas traded out his car for a truck (who else did that?), or about how your last words before a sacrifice can haunt a person and rip them open in ways you never intended. Of course Cas isn’t that guy… but I bet my ass Dean sure as hell sees the shades of him.. I do think it is an intentional decision to frame Cas in the late seasons after another person who also made Dean feel very unloved and unwanted—not in the big things like big grand sacrifices—but in the small things—the day to day things that slowly strangle a relationship to death—like making unilateral decisions for everyone and not answering the goddamn phone. (Edit here: I do NOT mean that Cas is intentionally being framed as CRUEL and EVIL. I mean that he is intentionally being paralleled with this person. Dean and Sam are also paralleled with that person in different ways at various points and it doesn't mean any of them are evil irredeemable villains. They just have some obvious hangups and the way this particular one for Cas ends up manifesting is probably pretty difficult for Dean and probably makes him think of how that other person behaved and how it made him feel).

Dean didn’t react right when Cas said I love you in season 12? Well. That’s debatable. But going on the offensive first before the defensive: Cas only wants to say this on his deathbed when Dean has no chance to respond.

Dean, on the other hand, has expressed his care for Cas MULTIPLE TIMES. He didn't say the words, "I love you" (he doesn't even say that to SAM) but he said "We're family" "You're the closest thing I have to family—you're like a brother to me" and "I need you" and "I'm not leaving without you" and "Being with you today is the most I've laughed in years" and "I'd rather have you, cursed or not" and "It's a gift. You keep those. Let's work as a team. We're better together."

And what does Cas do after every single one of these expressions of Dean's love?

He L E A V E S!!!!

He fucking leaves, and Cas girls want to talk about Dean making a face? And cry that Dean makes Cas feel unloved? Forgive me if that makes me fucking CACKLE at the AUDACITY.

I think one thing people tend to do, is they frame everything as if Cas is oblivious to Dean loving him, but Dean has to know or SHOULD know how Cas feels about him. This is why we get rancid takes like "DeAn nEedS tO pUll hIS hEaD oUt of HiS asS". Oh shut up. Castiel canonically can SENSE DEAN'S LONGING. If Dean's head is up his ass, Castiel's is shoved so fucking far up his sphincter it's coming out of his mouth.

Yet still—Dean recognizes, in season 11, that Cas is struggling—that Cas feels down on himself and unloved (and I DO NOT think Cas BLAMES Dean for that at all—it takes a lot of willful ignorance about everything going on with his biological family to come to that conclusion) and Dean tries to FIX IT. He once again reiterates to Cas how much he cares about him—that he's family. He has NO IDEA that the words intended to make Cas feel better are going to send him down one of the most deranged spirals of unhinged decision-making ever (the Kelly shenanigans are WILD). I actually have a slightly different take on this, from the typical " it sent him off the deep end because he got 'brother-zoned'". I think it sent him off the deep end because it was the final *nail in the coffin in what Cas saw as a reversal of their relationship—where he isn't the guy who protects everyone anymore with his grace and his grand wings... that's Dean now, and Dean is saying that Cas, like Sam, is under his protection... and Castiel absolutely could not STAND that. He didn't need his romantic affections to be returned. What he wanted, more than anything—what he saw (in a rough draft of the script) when Jack showed him paradise, was Dean thanking him, and his powers returned to their former glory. Because Cas has unilaterally decided Dean's feelings, he chooses to love him like a saint loves Jesus, laying down his life, instead of being in a partnership, because he doesn't want to be someone Dean protects—not even in a partnership where they protect each other. He wants to be the sole protector.

All of that to say: Cas didn't learn how to feel unloved from Dean. TEXTUALLY. It is ON THE TIN. Saying that is literally the EXACT OPPOSITE of what Cas SAYS about Dean. He says he cared about the whole world because of DEAN. He cared because Dean's love was so captivatingly beautiful and inspiring and transcendent that it changed who Cas was inside to the core, and he fell fucking head over heels. "You changed me".

#Y'all can call me PK if you want!#and cas is my best friend #john #dont feed the stans after midnight #i dont deserve what he put on me

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read-watch-listen-17 · 2 years

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Crown of Dragons (Dragon Blessed 1)

Book 1 in the Bleeding Realms Dragon Blessed series

SPOILERS

Hazel sees dead people, creepy 😳 okay just their spirits, but she can’t really communicate with them, at least not yet. I’m assuming that she will find a way down the road.

WAIT! Dean knows who she is? That she can see spirits? And believes she’s encroaching on his turf?

Now a girl she just met is dead. Hmmm…

Khali, is basically a prisoner/trophy. She is Dragon Blessed, I believe that means she has all four elements, she is to be married to the next King, which will be chosen by the current king it sounds like. The eldest was accused of kissing her which is grounds for exile and if he returns, death. Harsh and weird.

Bram wants to know what really happened because Khali had a crush on the brother and the brother did not have feelings for her. 🤔🤔🤔

They know about the mortal realm, not supposed to read about it. You know what that means?! Someone is going to travel from one realm to the other at some point.

One of the princes, Owen, is her friend, but mom wants her to pick Silas, but she doesn’t really get a choice now does she.

Khali is not “allowed” to shift into a dragon, but she does on occasion anyway

Silas, Owen’s twin, Bram is the youngest, oldest exiled is DEAN ASHTON, HE’S IN THE MORTAL REALM WITH HAZEL! Did he go there on purpose? Does that mean that Hazel isn’t supposed to be in the mortal realm?

Soooo, it almost sounds like Dean is there on purpose and there are people who know he’s there, or that’s where he got exiled to. Why would they want to spy on him though? It also definitely sounds like Hazel might either be from the other realm or has genes from an ancestor who was from the other realm.

NOOOOOOOO Owen can’t be dead!!!! 😭😭😭 That is sooooo unfair.🤬 To be honest, I was going to give Silas the benefit of the doubt to end up being a good guy for Khali, but nope. He’s definitely first in line for the chopping block. Dick!

And Hazel is working in the Chakra store instead of the coffee place, this is going to be so much better for her. I’m loving Harmony.

Seriously? Seriously?! SERIOUSLY?!?!?! I hate her mother. I hate the King. I like where Khali’s mind is going though. If she can get another family on the throne that would be better, but her family is at risk if she tries that. It also sounds like the rest of their realm is being taken over, so how is there another family? Do they all live in the one city, Drakenon???

LOL of COURSE her first reading is non other than Dean. 🤣 No come back. Wow she goes to apologize and he still doesn’t believe that she has no idea what he’s talking about. WTF?! a dragon?! Wait is that Owen? If Owen found her then she really is linked to their realm some how. That’s gotta be what has Dean so angry with her, but why?

That was in poor taste, announcing their engagement after the funeral for Owen. Yay dad! 🥳 Wait what? 😱 Shit. Awwww her poor dad. 🥺💔

It is Owen isn’t it? Oh sure, now he cares to ask her questions. See this is why I think he knows more about what’s going on, and I think he is either there on purpose or maybe he got sent there to keep him from revealing something. What’s in the forest? Where’s he going? Why doesn’t he trust Harmony?

Oh so her dad was some kind of spy and got hexed because of it, but not before discovering that Khali is going to die. Awesome. Silas is more of an ass than I gave him credit for. I fucking hate double standards. I think if she’s the prize then she should be the ruler. Maybe that will happen.

Of course Dean is sitting next to her now. Definite “Is this where you kill me?” vibes 😅😅😅 He wants her help but he won’t give her information in return. Why is it dangerous for him to tell her things that it seems like she’s supposed to already know? If she’s supposed to already know them then what’s the harm in telling her?

Go Khali! Damn, blocked. Oh Bram is so smart. I think everyone is underestimating him. Everytime they’re alone I keep thinking he’s going to reveal that he does have magic, but hasn’t happened yet. Wait if he suspects her father was visiting Dean maybe Harmony hexed him. I bet that’s it. Are Khali and Bram going to go to the human realm and bring Dean and Hazel back with them? 🤔🤔

Hazel is followed by a man, she exits the alley and sees the dragon spirit on the roof. It swoops down the alley, Dean appears and asks if saw dragon and where it went, she points and he takes off. WTF was that all about?

Khali and Bram travel to the Jewel forest and then rest, Khali almost bites it after a voice like Owens lures her away, she realizes trees feed off of blood. There’s something wrong with her magic. At least that’s what it seems like and i’m wondering if it has to do with the prologue. Now that I think about it, I’m thinking whoever took her blood, the spell is supposed to kill her and end the dragon blessed forever. :(

Hazel ends up doing a reading for the mother of a girl who went missing 2 years ago, happy and at peace, won’t say what happened just shares a happy memory, mother thanks her says be careful, darkness in this town. This was such a nice scene until she mentioned the darkness in town.

Hazel breaks into Dean’s house to find answers 🤣🤣 but obviously he has an invisible alarm and catches her. He finally agrees to talk, yay!

Khali and Bram make it to the Fae land, meet Terek who knows who they are 👀 👀 👀

Dean shows Hazel he’s a dragon and she doesn’t run, he tells her he’s not supposed to be there but has made himself comfortable and thought she was there to take him back. 🥺

Tagalong Terek takes Bram and Khali to a clearing where it sounds like the flowers influence Khali and Bram to kiss? Not gonna lie, I kind of expected them to kiss at some point, because I feel like she’s going to end up with Bram in the end.

Hazel takes off her necklace to do a reading for Dean and Katherine spirit decides to just bombard her with what happened to her. Dean puts necklace back on her 🥰, she didn’t see dragon, Dean takes her home. She did see a man with solid black eyes. Hazel tells Macy and Cora about her gift but leaves out the dragon part and Dean, they believe her. Yay!

Occultist captures Bram to get to Khali, awesome.

Khali looking for Bram, Silas shows up, demands she come home, she says no and flies away, south to go to human realm on her own to find Dean 🥳

Hazel date with Landon, goes well, keeps thinking of Dean though 🤣, park at lake, she is creeped out because of what happened to Katherine and Landon kisses her, then basically attacks her, she sees his black eyes, necklace ripped off, sees spirit, figures out it’s controlling Landon, didn’t know that was possible 😱😱😱

Khali reaches the lake and feels for the magic, follows it, water creature will help but owe her a debt, Khali agrees, follow to bottom of lake and when she comes back up she’s in the human realm. Yay 🥳🥳🥳

Possessed Landon tries to kill Hazel but dragon spirit distracts other spirit and she gets away, then dragon loses and spirit takes over Landon again, he searches for her, she tries to contact detective but Landon finds her, takes to lake and going to start a ritual. Is this part of the Occultists thing that has to do with Khali?

Please tell me it’s Hazel that Khali is hearing scream. It is Hazel! Yay!! Khali kills Landon 😭 Khali fights the reaper, Dean shows up 🥳🥳 and they kill it together, felt her dragon come through, cops show up, Khali tells him evil hurt Hazel and she killed it, Dean had to run away

In the hospital Khali tells Hazel what happened. Dean comes in, Khali explains she was pulled to Hazel, had to save her and couldn’t leave her, literally. Find out Hazel and Khali have same exact birthday, 12/16. Khali thinks Hazel has spirit element and that they are connected through a spell, and they have 2 months to break it and save Khali’s family. 😅😅😅😬

This was so good. I can’t wait to read the other two books and find out more about this spell. If they’re all going to go to the other realm. If they’re going to save Bram. If Hazel and Dean will end up together. If Khali and Bram will end up together. If Khali will change everything and rule alone. What will Hazel’s spirit element grow into.

#Bleading Realms: Dragon Blessed: Crown of Dragons #Nina Walker #Khali #Hazel #Dean #Bram #Owen #55/100 #road to 100 #september reads 2022

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angeltiddies · 3 years

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cannot express enough how badly dean just needs to go to a concert and live in the moment and forget about performing for one god damn second

#okay .... im not even part of the edm community #but dean doing the whole PLUR #thing ???? like giving people kandi and getting it in return and just like going wild at some festival ?????#feeling appreciated by a community ??? ?strangers and all ??? but not strangers becaue they are all connected >???#dean woul LOVE festival season as like a 24 year old #in fact i have decided he goes to one on a case and eventually fully forgets theres a case and just ends up shacking up with a guy to smoke #weed with some guy and sure the guy ends up being a witch but damn the weed is good #dean decides if all the guy is doing is giving people crazy visions that change their lives then hey #who is he to take that from them #YEAH #okay okay i just want dean to have a community he believes in SO MUCh #and i really think plur would be so healthy for him #u can ignore my tags fudhchdh i was just thinking about types of concerts but really yeah i was imagining the tiny concerts ive gone to solo #theres just something about losing yourself in a crowd with music yoh love

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kagesdumpsterfire · 3 years

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For those of you that think this is just about Destiel, I'm sorry you're wrong.

This is about Lily, who was the first of the special children to die. She was murdered and hung on a tower for shock value.

This is about Corbett, who was the first and only of the ghost facers to die. who's sexuality was used for comic relief (yes, I know we all enjoy the "Gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day" line, but let's call a spade a spade.

This is about Demian and Barns, whose relationship was used for comedic shock.

This is about Charlie, our first recurring LGBTQ+ character, whose brutal off screen death was used to "move the story along."

This is about Max Banes, whose story was forgotten about, even though there was obviously more to tell.

This is about Kaia, who was killed after expressing interest in Claire. And claire, for being almost erased from the narrative after the confirmation that she felt the same.

This is about AU Charlie, who lost TWO separate girlfriends and then was killed herself. (And erasing the scene where she awkwardly talks to Sam about her tryst with ROWENA)

And yes, it is about Castiel. The NB Angel in a Male vessel who fell in love with a man, and was killed after confessing said love.

And Dean Winchester, because honestly, who knows, but all signs point a certain way, but it is not our story to tell. it was his. And he was killed before he could. Before he could even explore what it means to be truly free, he was killed.

These aren't the only instances on the show either. There are several throughout ALL of the seasons where LGBTQ+ people have been used for comedy or shock value and then never heard from or seen again.

They could have done so much by just letting three little words, Hell, two fucking words, on screen, but they refused to make a stand and chose to pander to a dying audience.

So yes, we will celebrate the "Y yo a ti, Cas." We will try to figure out what went wrong in translation or editing, because this is so much bigger than Destiel.

For those of you who see these examples and say " see, you've always had rep, you just wanted to see Castiel and Dean together." Let me ask you? Is killing or writing off every LGBTQ+ member on your show really good rep?

For those of you who say " Well, Dean was always straight and changing it this late in the Game would have been pandering!" While, I know alot of people saw him as uber heterosexual, some of us never did, but that's not the point. People do come out later in life you know? Being anything other than strictly heterosexual is terrifying. There are so many risks. It takes years to build up the courage to be yourself, some people never even get the chance.it would not have been pandering, it would have been groundbreaking. It would have let people see that it is never too late to be free. But they didn't want to do that.

For those of you who think it was fetishization of two "hot dudes"..... maybe for some, and those people should be ashamed, because sexuality should never be fetishized. But get this, the story of Destiel was loved by all members of the community, as well as straight people too, and believe me, some of those members have no desire to see two dudes getting it on. It was the story of unconditional love and respect that drew us in.

This isn't just about Destiel. It IS about showing people that it's okay to love who you love and being free to be who you are, regardless of what society thinks.

So yes, we will go feral. We deserve it.

#destiel #supernatural #more than meets the eye #it's about so much more #theysilencedyou

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tootiredmotel · 3 years

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a different lover is not a sin

or: 5 times Dean didn't go to Pride + 1 time he did

Happy @starrynightdeancas gift exchange posting day!!! This one's for the wonderful and talented @andzia267 !!! Sending you all the hugs and good vibes, and I hope you enjoy it! And thank you Sophie for hosting all this, you're a rock star! <3

Read on ao3 or below / 5.5k words

CW: homophobia, queer used as a slur, john winchester being an asshole

1 - 1994

Dean was fifteen years old when he found out that being gay was something people could be proud of. It was early in the morning, they'd left their motel about 20 minutes before, and Sammy had fallen asleep in the backseat. The sun was just starting to completely show over the horizon, and they were driving through– or rather, struggling to get out of– Phoenix on their way to a possible poltergeist in Tucson. Every street they tried to take was blocked for the big event, and dozens of people already lined the sidewalks with colorful outfits and signs.

"Fuckin' queers," John grumbled in the seat next to him. "Never should'a thrown that damn brick."

Big banners overhead displayed "Stonewall 25: A Global Celebration of Pride". Dean made a mental note to hit up a library once they got to Tucson to look that up, "Stonewall". In the meantime, he was mesmerized staring out the window. Guys held hands, women kissed, everyone was practically vibrating with excitement. A black man in heels and a wig caught his gaze through the window and waved. Dean started to wave back, but his hand was harshly swatted back down.

"Do not," John said. "Don’t talk to them, don’t even look at ‘em. These people are sick in the head."

Dean focused his gaze on his lap until they were out of the city, and his mind wandered back to the gas station they stopped at the day before. He thought of the guy at the cash register that called him "cutie" and winked at him as he bought a candy bar for Sammy and beers for Dad with his fake ID. By Dad’s logic– which Dean trusted, of course–, that cashier, that queer, must've been sick in the head.

Then Dean remembered how his heart sped up, how his ears got hot, and how for a second he let himself think the cashier was kinda cute too. He realized he must also be sick in the head, and the thought was making him feel actually, physically sick. He felt like throwing up. Dad could never know.

Dean was fifteen years old when he learned that being gay actually wasn't something to be proud of.

---

2 - 2000

Dean was 21 years old when he learned the word “bisexual”. Dad had caught word of a ghoul case in lower Manhattan and sent Dean to take care of it. It was starting to get too hot and the streets were too crowded, but Dean was mostly glad to get a break from the constant fighting between Dad and Sammy.

Except it was June, and every time he turned a corner, there they were. The Pride parade flyers.

The second he spotted a rainbow he averted his gaze. He turned another corner and spotted another one. He avoided reading them at all costs. He heard Dad’s voice. Sick. Sick in the head.

For years now Dean had pretended he wasn’t sick. He pretended to not stare at Patrick Swayze too much whenever Dirty Dancing played on TV. He pretended like he didn't imagine what it would be like to kiss a guy, what stubble would feel like against his lips if he ever did.

He liked women. He could stick to women. He could live his whole life like that. And that meant he wasn’t totally sick, right? He wasn’t gay -gay if he liked girls.

But then what the hell was he? Would he even belong at one of these Pride things if he wanted to? He was probably a freak of nature. Even sicker than the rest of the bunch.

Curiosity got the best of him. He spared a glance at one of the flyers as he waited to cross the street.

Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transexuals, ALL WELCOME

“Are you gonna go?” A voice next to him asked. ”It’s next weekend.” He was blond, pale, and a bit shorter than Dean.

“What? No! I don't swing that way,” Dean said, a bit too quickly and with too much bite.

The guy looked him up and down with a frown. “Geez, alright. Just askin’.”

He started to walk away, and Dean spoke up before he could stop himself.

“Hey man, wait.”

The guy stopped walking.

“Sorry, can I ask you something? Assuming you... know about this stuff?”

He seemed exasperated, but he turned anyway, willing to hear Dean out. Dean licked his lips, rubbed at the back of his neck, swallowed nervously. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, asking a stranger on the street about something so personal. At least the chances of meeting this person ever again were close to none.

“What’s bisexual?”

The guy’s features softened a bit. He seemed to understand something about Dean that so far Dean refused to acknowledge.

“It means you’re into more than one gender. And yes, you can do that,” the guy said. He flashed Dean a tight smile and then disappeared into the crowd.

Dean felt his hands go numb and balled them into fists, shoving them in his pockets. He took a deep breath through his nose. The guy said you. You are. You can.

The guy didn’t know what he was talking about. He knew nothing about Dean. He was wrong.

Or maybe he was right.

But he couldn’t be.

Dean couldn’t be… that.

Dean was 21 years old when he decided he wasn’t bisexual. He wasn’t anything. He was also 21 when he solved a case in record time (two days), just so he could book it out of New York before the next weekend arrived.

---

3 - 2004

By the time he was 25 years old, Dean knew he was bi. He hated it, he never spoke about it, and he ignored it as much as he could, but he was aware of it. And he knew he was bi because, at 25 years old, he’d already gone through two serious breakups, and they both equally sucked.

The first was Lee. He hunted with Dean and John for about a year, the second half of which Dean and Lee spent sneaking around and hooking up behind John’s back. It was fun, and hot, and exciting, and some of the best hookups he’d had up until that point in his life were with Lee.

But the thing is that it wasn’t just hooking up. They were close, and Dean liked him. A lot. They kissed for the first time after a particularly scary werewolf hunt in which Dean almost died, but John was more preoccupied with the mostly-unharmed victim than his own son. Dean and Lee rode in the backseat, bruised, bloody, and quiet. When John went to walk the victim up to her apartment, Lee reached over and placed a hand on Dean’s back, asking him if he was okay. Dean fell into Lee’s arms, and they kissed as they pulled away from the embrace, soft and comforting. It was Dean’s first kiss with a guy.

Lee was a lot of firsts for Dean over the next few months. But then John almost caught them once, drunk and making out in the Impala.

And then that case in Arizona went wrong, and Lee just couldn’t take it anymore. He packed up, swore off hunting, hugged Dean goodbye, and left him in the dust.

Dean needed to clear his head after that. He could barely look his dad in the eye after that close call, couldn't let him see the sorrow he was feeling. With every interaction, he imagined how John would yell at him, probably try to beat it out of him, if he noticed all he was feeling over Lee. Or worse, John could ignore him, practically disown him like he did Sam.

So he also packed up and left. Went hunting on his own for a while.

It was on one of those hunts that he met Cassie, and she was yet another handful of firsts for Dean over the course of a few months. She was amazing, and he fell hard and fast, but of course that went up in flames too.

Then again, he should've known better than to be honest. Honesty only ever got him in trouble.

He’d just left her back in Ohio and was working at a bar in Indianapolis for a few weeks to make some cash. He’d eventually meet back up with Dad. He just couldn’t right now. Not with Sam gone to college. Not after getting his heart broken twice over within a year.

He was hyper-aware of the end of June approaching. He knew it was coming, Indy had a pretty big celebration, and he made sure to be working all day that day so he wouldn't have to face it.

That was pointless, though. Toward the end of the day, a big group of about ten or twelve people who were clearly coming from the parade stumbled into the bar. One of them was apparently the owner’s little sister and they went there every year after the celebrations. They were loud, and obnoxious, and looked incredibly happy. Their happiness was contagious, and Dean loved serving them. He chatted them up, got to know them a bit, and heard all about the parade, all while staring down anyone at the bar who dared look their way with even the slightest stink eye.

But watching them that happy and comfortable, seeing not one, but two pairs of guys sloppily leaning against each other and sharing the occasional kiss while none of their friends seemed to bat an eye… something in Dean ached. Deeply.

Dean was 25 years old when he realized that a small part of him kind of, sort of, wanted to be part of this community. He couldn’t though. Not if he wanted to be on good terms with Dad. Not if he aimed to be the man Dad wanted him to be.

He left Indianapolis the next day.

---

4 - 2008

Dean was 29 years old and on his own personal highway to hell when he learned his brother went to a Pride parade before he ever did. They were driving through San José, the streets were lined with ads for Silicon Valley Pride, and Sam just casually decided to mention how fun it was the last time he went.

Thankfully they were at a red light, or else Dean probably would’ve slammed the breaks. He twisted to look at Sam head-on, his arm on the back of the seat.

“You what ?” he gawked.

Sam shrugged innocently. “What?”

“You went to one of these Pride things?”

“Yeah, dude.”

Dean’s brain was just trying and failing to load. “Why?” he finally asked.

“Jessica was in the GSA and some friends invited us. It was awesome.”

“She was in the what?”

“The G. S. A.,” Sam answered slowly. “Gay-Straight Alliance.”

“Oh.” Whatever that is, Dean thought. He kept eyeing the flyers. It was tomorrow.

“Green.”

“What?”

“Light’s green. Green means go.”

Dean rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

He kept driving and turned up the radio. Somebody To Love was playing, and as much as he liked Queen, he had to change the station. He tried to picture his little brother (his straight little brother) wearing rainbow face paint and having the time of his life at this thing. How come Sammy got to go when Dean could barely entertain the idea? Dean was the not-straight one. It wasn’t fair.

He channeled his jealousy into gripping the steering wheel.

“You okay, Dean?”

“Yeah.” No. “Yeah, m’fine.”

Dean was 29 years old when he died and went to hell without ever having gone to a Pride parade, knowing that his idiot ( straight! ) little brother already had.

---

5 - 2014

Dean was alive again and 35 years old (75, if you count hell) when he was formally invited to a Pride parade for the first time. It was a couple of days after that whole mess with Cas in Lucifer’s crypt, and he called Charlie. He just wanted to hear her voice, needed to know he was still on good terms with at least one of his best friends.

“So anyway,” Charlie said after a while of recounting what she’d been up to. "How single are you right now? My answer is: miserably."

Dean chuckled. Then he thought of Cas, and the smile disappeared. "Yeah, you and me both, sister."

“Would you mind coming with me to this thing next month? Going alone kinda sucks.”

Dean put the phone on speaker and placed it on the library table as he sat down with a beer. “What’s the thing?”

“Pride.”

Dean was glad no one was around to see him almost choke on his drink.

“You good?”

“Yeah, what was that?”

“Pride parade. Don’t have anyone to go with this year.”

“Why uh… Why? Why me?”

She knows.

“I dunno.”

She knows she knows she knows.

“You’re my friend, Dean. Thought maybe you might be interested. But never mind, I guess.”

And while all the alarms in Dean's head were blaring danger danger danger abort, he also hated to hear Charlie so disappointed.

“Hey, no, listen, Charlie, I… I would. Really. You know I support you, wholeheartedly." And that's obviously the only reason I would want to go. "But with Sam doing these trials, and Cas on the run with the angel tablet–”

“It’s okay Dean, I get it. Talk to you soon?”

“Yeah.”

And she hung up.

Dean knew, at this point, that there was nothing wrong with being queer. It wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, and it sure as hell didn’t mean you were wrong in the head or whatever.

But years of pretending to be a false version of yourself in an effort to please a man who was impossible to please wasn’t exactly an easy habit to break. As much as he wished it didn't, as much as he wished he could just exist, the thought of anyone finding out still made him sick to the stomach.

John’s voice still echoed in his ears. His words still drove Dean’s sense of self-worth and so many of his decisions. He tried to never stare at a good-looking guy for too long. He tried to not get too into it with Benny. He tried to keep his feelings for Cas at bay, tried to keep him at arm's length, tried to keep the fact that he was in love (deeply, stupidly in love) as close to his chest as he could.

Even that night at the crypt choking out the words to get through to Cas, he couldn’t bring himself to say what he meant. I love you, he’d wanted to say, because it was the truth. What came out, however, was I need you. And he did, he needed Cas more than air, but it wasn't quite everything.

It still got his heart split in two.

Was he so far gone over Cas that he couldn’t hide it? Had he been trying so hard and failing just as miserably this whole time? Was his attraction to dudes that obvious? Or did Charlie just have a sixth sense for this kinda thing?

It was probably the last one. He hoped it was.

Cas knew, for sure. Angels knew everything right? They could read minds, feel longing, or whatever. And if none of that ever tipped him off, well, Dean put it all on the line back in that crypt. He told Cas how he felt, told him he needed him, tried putting himself out there, and it got him left. Again. With Dean, it was always leave-or-get-left when it came to love. He was tired of it.

Dean was 35 years old, desperately in love with his best friend, and truly heartbroken for the third time in his life, when his other best friend– an out and proud lesbian– gave him a chance to go to Pride, to break through his shell, to finally embrace himself as he was; but because he was practically living in the closet, he couldn’t seem to find the handle after so many years of purposefully ignoring its existence, and he missed his chance. Besides, what was the point of going to a celebration of love without the love of his life by his side?

---

+1 - 2021

Dean is now 42 years old and the happiest he’s ever been. The love of his life? Cas? Turns out he’s felt the same way all along. They're kind of together now, and slowly but surely they’re working through a decade’s worth of shit.

They’ve been raising a kid together too, along with Sam and Eileen, and that kid is also God. After saving the world and whatnot, Jack decided to bring back some of their friends and family that died over the years: Mary, Kevin, Charlie. Yes, there are two Charlies now, but it’s not as confusing as you’d expect. (One is from another dimension, and the other one is Dean’s little sister. Simple.) Mary’s off hunting most of the time and Kevin’s applying to college.

They’ve got extended family now too, Jody and the girls. OG Charlie is staying with them for now, while she finds her footing. Most of that household is queer. Most of Dean's household is queer as well, actually. Turns out both Jack and Eileen are non-binary, Cas is gay in the broader sense of the word, and Dean…

Dean is bi. And everyone knows now.

Apparently, a lot of people had known for a long time. Sam has known since the siren back in ‘09 (even though Dean stands by the fact that it wasn’t like that, Sammy ), and everyone has slowly picked up on his and Cas’s thing over the years, so there’s that.

He still feels a bit weird about it. About calling Cas his boyfriend, about having the freedom to hold his hand in public, about the fact that they now have goddamn pride flags hung around the bunker. He feels even weirder about the fact that John’s voice in his head is now drowned out by the sounds of his home life, more lively and supportive than he ever expected to have.

He wasn’t expecting any of this, he didn’t think everything would change so fast. But when you spend the better part of your life pushing down such a huge part of you and then finally give yourself an out, a chance to show the people who love you who you really are, everything just... follows.

Love follows. Acceptance follows. Family follows. And he wasn’t really expecting any of it.

He certainly doesn’t expect it when Cas walks into the library after his weekly Thursday evening call with Claire and announces, matter-of-factly and with air quotes, “We’re going to "Pride" this weekend.”

Dean’s stomach drops. It’s the Sioux Falls Pride Parade and Festival, it’s in two days, and they’re leaving tomorrow to spend the night at Jody’s so they can all be there bright and early Saturday morning. Everyone immediately starts bustling about, packing and planning outfits and gathering flags to bring with them.

Dean just goes to his room– his and Cas’s now– to pack a small duffle.

Well, he means to. Instead, he takes out the duffle from the closet, puts it on the bed, and sits next to it for a while. An hour goes by. He thinks back to all those times he had brushes with one of these things and was just never in the right mindset. He’s not even sure he’s in the right mindset now, but he’s going. It’s happening.

“Jack’s all ready to go,” Cas says when he walks in. “We spent about half an hour putting together an outfit for Saturday. He wanted it to be as colorful as possible.”

Dean smiles, but it’s not all there. He looks at the empty duffle next to him.

“Yeah, I might need some help with that myself.”

Cas is in sweats and a hoodie. Yes it’s June, yes it’s hot, but he’s a quasi-angel, and the way he experiences the world Dean will never be able to wrap his head around. He walks over and stands in front of Dean, running a hand through his hair and down the side of his face until he’s cupping Dean’s jaw. Dean takes Cas’s hand and leaves a few kisses on the inside of his wrist, closing his eyes as he does.

Cas regards the empty bag and hums quietly, as if in thought, before walking over to their closet. Dean chases his hand, holding onto it until he’s completely out of reach. Cas starts searching, and Dean’s stomach knots more and more with each clang of the hangers. Cas finally pulls out a flannel from its hanger– purple with hints of blue and pink– and tosses it over. Dean can’t believe he didn’t think of it first.

They continue to pack in comfortable silence before changing and getting into bed. Dean doesn’t flop onto his stomach or cuddle into Cas’s side as he usually does; instead, he lies on his back and stares at the ceiling in a daze.

“Dean?” Cas’s voice snaps him out of it.

Dean turns his head and asks, automatically, “You okay?”

It’s a habit by now, asking each other that question. It’s part of the working-through-a-decade’s-worth-of-shit thing they’re doing. Turns out they share a whole lot of trauma. They share worries and insecurities. They share nightmares sometimes, mostly about the Empty.

“I’m okay,” Cas says, putting his hand on top of Dean’s heart for him to hold, and Dean can breathe a little easier.

“You nervous about this thing?” Dean asks, interlocking their fingers.

“The parade? No, not really.”

And then, because he's been working on communicating how he's feeling out loud or whatever, Dean looks back up at the ceiling and says, "I am. Kinda."

He feels Cas shifting and propping himself up on his elbow, and then he's in Dean's line of sight. Dean's gaze is drawn to him, like all of him has been since the moment they met, and Dean can't believe he just has this now. He has a boyfriend, and it's Cas, and he's looking down at Dean with stars in his eyes and a comforting smile that actually works because it's Cas.

And then Cas is leaning down and softly pressing their lips together, and that's also something Dean can’t believe he gets to do: kiss Cas good morning and good night and at any moment in between, kiss him I'm sorry, kiss him we're going to be okay, kiss him I love you.

"I love you too, Dean," Cas says once they've pulled away, and Dean didn't even realize he'd said it out loud, but it doesn't matter. "And you don't need to be nervous. I'll be there with you."

The thought should be a thousand times more nerve-wracking, not just going to Pride but going to Pride with Cas on his arm. It's not nerve-wracking at all, and he soon drifts off to sleep.

Friday goes by faster than it should. The six-hour drive to Sioux Falls, although packed in a car with five people, goes by in a blink. They stop for provisions before getting to Jody's, filling up on backpacks' worth of snacks.

They get to the house and are met with endless hugs and excitement to match. Patience, Alex, and Jody are already working on dinner for the bunch, while Charlie, Donna, and Kaia are running around prepping for the next day and dragging along a hesitant but nevertheless happy Claire. Dinner is chaotic and loud and there are way too many people at the table, and Dean has to step outside after a while.

He sits on the back porch steps. Claire joins him. She's holding a beer, he's not. He hasn't been drinking for a few months now. They don't talk, but she leans her head on his shoulder and they stay there a while, looking at the stars.

When they go back inside, Claire sits back down in her spot at Cas's left, across the table from Dean, and leans on his shoulder for a while too. It's her way of saying she cares, of saying I missed you without really saying it. Jack sits at Cas's right, talking excitedly with Patience about some tv show or other, and the image fills Dean with such fondness that he reaches over with his foot, presses it to Cas's ankle, and keeps it there for the rest of the night.

Dean, Cas, Jack, Sam, and Eileen spend the night spread out around in the living area while the girls sleep in their respective rooms, and Dean is only slightly less nervous as he falls asleep holding Cas’s hand.

---

The nerves all come flooding back as he’s parking the Impala the next morning.

They’re not able to get even remotely close to Phillips Avenue since the streets are so full. They park the three cars that all twelve of them came in as close as they can and then have to walk for another twenty minutes. From blocks and blocks away, people walk and holler and greet them excitedly, many of them trying to circle this swarm of flanneled individuals that are taking up a whole sidewalk. Granted, Dean and Claire are the only ones in their usual kind of outfit. The rest of the bunch is wearing as many colors as they could compile from their closets, half of them are wearing face paint, and the other half are carrying an assortment of pride flags.

They fit right in.

The walk toward the main avenue of the parade is kind of a blur for Dean. He knows he waved at a few people, some friends of Alex from high school joined the group at some point, and Jack already grabbed a snack from his backpack.

The actual parade is also kind of hazy. Getting out of the house that morning had been probably even more chaotic than the night before, so they’re a bit late and the parade has already been going for a good half hour. On top of that, they accidentally merge into it not quite at the starting point but a bit further down the road, in between a decked-out pickup truck and a group of people with dogs. Music is blaring, the dogs are all barking, a big float rides a few yards in front of them, and hundreds stand on the sidewalks recording on their phones and cheering them along.

Dean’s not sure they’re even supposed to be in the actual parade. Maybe they’re supposed to be on the sidewalks? Is this right? What is happening, what is he even doing here?

He doesn’t notice how heavy he’s breathing until Cas is squeezing his hand and beckoning him to meet his eyes. He does, and the blue in them, as imposing as the Atlantic, drowns out everything else around them. “You’re okay, my love,” Cas says. It’s a fact. As long as Dean is with him, he’s okay.

On his other side, Dean feels someone link their arm around his. It’s Charlie, and she’s beaming at them, her cheeks almost as red as her hair. It brings Dean back to reality, grounds him, but he’s okay now. He’s not alone, and he’s meant to be here.

He’s proud to be here.

The parade leads up to a sloping park, and at the lowest point of it, there’s a stage where Dean assumes someone will MC for the afternoon, or maybe perform. It’s grandiose in its simplicity, kind of like a Greek theater, with everyone settling down on the grass around it, expectantly.

“We’ll be right back,” Dean hears Sam say, and he turns to find they’re all set to spend the afternoon, towels laid and backpacks off (save for his). “Jack wants to go meet the drag queens,” Sam says with just a bit too much glee before he and Jack take off.

“It’s not just Jack,” Eileen smiles and follows.

Cas is already sitting, eating one of the PB&Js he packed as lunches for everyone. Jody and Donna are settling down as well and Charlie’s taking a dozen pictures, but the rest of the girls are all standing. “We’re gonna go check out the vendors,” Claire announces, and they start to take off as well.

“Be careful, please!” Dean calls after them, but they pay him no mind. He turns to Charlie. “Hey, your majesty, keep an eye on them will you?”

She smiles, bows gracefully, and heads in the same direction.

Jody stands and grabs Dean by the arm, beckoning him to talk in private for a second.

“What’s up?”

If Dean knows Jody at all, and he does, they’re on the brink of a mom talk.

“Look around, Dean.”

“What for?”

“Just look,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Please?”

So, at her request, Dean starts taking in the environment. Now that everyone is gathered, he can actually see all the people that came out (heh) for the event. There are church groups, pet shelters, skateboarders, and rollerskaters. Drag queens are already taking pictures by the stage, and at least two people are wearing unicorn heads. A few vendors’ tents and food trucks surround the park, and rainbows completely dominate the scenery. There are elders, and kids, and all kinds of families and couples, and everyone looks… happy. Free.

And Dean is here with them. He is one of them.

There’s no danger, no monsters of any kind. No one to judge him, hurt him, call him sick in the head.

He finds Claire’s blonde head amongst the sea of shoppers at the edge of the park. She’s holding hands with Kaia and has one of the biggest smiles Dean has ever seen on her face. There’s no shame in it, and she’s not in any danger either. Things are different now, and she has the freedom to be herself that he never had at her age.

He has it now too. He can be himself.

Dean doesn’t realize he’s about to cry until Jody pulls him down into a hug.

“Dean, I am so proud of you.”

And then he cries.

---

They spend the afternoon laying on the grass, eating, drinking, and enjoying the festivities. The girls come back from the vendors’ tents after a full hour, and most of the bags on their arms are Charlie’s. She gets Cas a mug that says bee yourself in rainbow colors with an image of a cartoon bee, and she gets Dean a button pin that says AC/DC in pink and blue. There’s a meaning behind that apparently, and Dean decides he’ll look it up later.

Jack memorizes all the drag queen’s names. Donna takes a million pictures. They trade numbers with a few people.

There’s a big fireworks show just after sundown. It starts to get windy and a bit chilly, so Dean grabs the nearest pride flag and wraps it around himself. Cas, the perpetual freak who just doesn’t feel temperature apparently, is wearing a t-shirt and shorts and smiling at him unabashedly.

“What?”

“That’s the bisexual flag.”

So it is. “Shut up,” Dean says, but he’s smiling too. “You want in on this?”

He doesn’t wait for Cas to respond before he wraps it around his shoulders as well. The fireworks continue.

“You know,” Cas says after a beat. “As beautiful as they are, pyrotechnics are extremely damaging to the environment.”

Dean can’t help but laugh because of course, Cas would say something like that in a moment like this. He laughs and laughs and regrets being the only one to have heard that; then again, he’s the only one who could’ve found that funny.

He laughs a bit more, wipes a tear, and sees that Cas is still just solemnly watching the show.

“Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?” He replies and then turns his head.

Dean wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him so bad. Then he remembers where he is, physically and in his life right now, realizes whom he’s surrounded by at this very second, and decides that he can.

So he does. It’s not unlike the way he kissed Cas when they rescued him from the Empty. Granted, there’s less sweat, blood, adrenaline. But just like that day, they’re both on the ground, and the gesture catches Cas by surprise. Just like that day, Dean pulls Cas in gently by the back of his neck and there’s no hesitance or fear. Just like that day, he just does it, presses their lips firmly together, and relishes in the taste of Castiel, in the feeling of the person he loves most in this world kissing him back.

The one big difference is this: that day marked the beginning of the rest of his life. Today? Today is just Dean’s first Pride.

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